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中級練習問題の添削 136−143

 

中級問題 136 (22 Jan 05) (5 Aug 08) (4 Feb 11) (13 Aug 11) (23 Feb 13) (15 Nov 16)


中級問題 137
(22 Jan 05) (10 Feb 07) (7 Aug 08) (25 Feb 11) (14 Aug 11)

                 (23 Feb 13) (19 Nov 16)

 

中級問題 138 (25 Jan 05) (8 Aug 08) (26 Feb 11) (16 Aug 11) (2 March 13) (19 Nov 16)

 

中級問題 139 (22 Oct 04) (29 July 08) (1 March 11) (17 Aug 11) (2 March 13)

                       (19 Nov 16)

 

中級問題 140 (27 Jan 05) (11 Aug 08) (1 March 11) (20 Aug 11) (2 March 13)

(19 Nov 16)

 

中級問題 141 (27 Jan 05) (20 Aug 08) (12 May 11) (22 Aug 11) (16 March 13)

(23 Nov 16) 

 

中級問題 142 (9 Sept 04) (24 Aug 08) (13 May 11) (26 Aug 11) (16 March 13)

                 (23 Nov 16)

 

中級問題 143 (27 Jan 05) (6 Aug 08) (19 May 11) (1 Sept 11) (16 March 13)

(25 Nov 16)

 

中級問題 136 「世界初の無人火山探査機」

 

火山が噴火した際の情報収集に当たる世界初の無人火山探査機の走行試験が7月26日、阿蘇中岳の火口周辺で始まった。 探査機は、東北大東北アジア研究センターと日立建機、東京大地震研究所などが共同研究した火山探査移動観測ステーション「MOVE(ムーブ)」。長さ約六メートル、重さ約四トンのショベルカー型で、四〇〇度の高温や直径二十センチの噴石の直撃にも耐えられる。四台のカメラを搭載。無線を使って最大二キロ離れた場所からも操作可能で、噴石の採集や噴火時の圧力や温度の測定ができる。

 

読者からの投稿 6(marcie, 15 November 16

 

The World First Volcano Research Robot  

 

A test run of the world first volcano research robot that collects volcanic information during an eruption started on July 26th at the Aso Nakadake crater. The research robot is a portable volcano observation station named "MOVE". It was jointly developed by the Tohoku Asia Research Centre of Tohoku University, the Hitachi Kenki and the Earthquake Research Center of the University of Tokyo. It is a 6 meter long vehicle like a shovel loader and will be functional even at 400 degrees Celsius area and will not be damaged by a direct hit of a volcanic cinders of 20 cm in diameter. It was also equipped with four cameras. It can be radio controlled from a point as far as 2 km away. It collects volcanic cinders and measures pressure and temperature when a volcano erupts.

 

添削

 

The World First Volcano Research Robot 

 

A test run of the world first volcano research robot that collects volcanic information during an eruption started on July 26th at the Aso Nakadake crater. The research robot is a portable volcano observation station named "MOVE". It was jointly developed by the Tohoku Asia Research Centre of Tohoku University, the Hitachi Kenki and the Earthquake Research Center of the University of Tokyo. It is a 6 meters long vehicle like a shovel loader and will be functional even at a 400 degrees Celsius area and will not be damaged by a direct hit of a volcanic cinders of 20 centimeters cm in diameter. It is was also equipped with four cameras. It can be radio controlled by a wireless radio transmitter from a point as far as 2 km kilometers away. It collects volcanic cinders and measures a pressure and temperature when a volcano erupts.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The World First Volcano Research Robot 

 

A test run of the world first volcano research robot that collects volcanic information during an eruption started on July 26th at the Aso Nakadake crater. The research robot is a portable volcano observation station named "MOVE". It was jointly developed by the Tohoku Asia Research Centre of Tohoku University, the Hitachi Kenki and the Earthquake Research Center of the University of Tokyo. It is a 6 meters long vehicle like a shovel loader and will be functional even at a 400 degrees Celsius area and will not be damaged by a direct hit of a volcanic cinder of 20 centimeters in diameter. It is also equipped with four cameras. It can be  controlled by a wireless radio transmitter from a point as far as 2 kilometers away. It collects volcanic cinders and measures a pressure and temperature when a volcano erupts.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 23 February 13

 

“The World’s First Unmanned Volcano Probe“

 

On July 26, a test-run of unmanned probe for volcanic eruptions started in areas around the crater of Mt. Aso Nakdake. The prove vehicle, the first of its kind in the world, was developed jointly by the Center for Northeast Asia Studies at Tohoku University, Hitachi Construction Machinery Co., Ltd and the Earthquake Research Institute of the University of Tokyo and was called MOVE (Mobile Observatory for Volcanic Eruptions). Six meters long and weighing 4 tons, the shovel car-shaped vehicle is capable of resisting the heat of 400 degrees Celsius and the shock of a direct hit by a volcanic rock as big as 20 centimeters in diameter. The vehicle is mounted with 4 cameras and can be controlled remotely via radio waves from as far as 2 km away, allowing the collection of volcanic rocks and the measurement of the temperature and pressure at the time of the eruption

 

添削

 

“The World’s First Unmanned Volcano Probe“

 

On July 26, a test-run of an unmanned probe for volcanic eruptions started in the areas around the crater of Mt. Aso Nakdake. The prove vehicle, the first of its kind in the world, was developed jointly by the Center for Northeast Asia Studies at Tohoku University, Hitachi Construction Machinery Co., Ltd and the Earthquake Research Institute of the University of Tokyo and was called MOVE (Mobile Observatory for Volcanic Eruptions). Six meters long and weighing 4 tons, the shovel car-shaped vehicle is capable of resisting the heat of 400 degrees Celsius and the shock of a direct hit by a volcanic rock as big as 20 centimeters in diameter. The vehicle is mounted with 4 cameras and can be controlled remotely via radio waves from as far as 2 kilometers km away, allowing researchers the collection of volcanic rocks and the measurement of the temperature and pressure at the time of the eruption

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“The World’s First Unmanned Volcano Probe“

 

On July 26, a test-run of an unmanned probe for volcanic eruptions started in the area around the crater of Mt. Aso Nakdake. The prove vehicle, the first of its kind in the world, was developed jointly by the Center for Northeast Asia Studies at Tohoku University, Hitachi Construction Machinery Co., Ltd and the Earthquake Research Institute of the University of Tokyo and was called MOVE (Mobile Observatory for Volcanic Eruptions). Six meters long and weighing 4 tons, the shovel car-shaped vehicle is capable of resisting the heat of 400 degrees Celsius and the shock of a direct hit by a volcanic rock as big as 20 centimeters in diameter. The vehicle is mounted with 4 cameras and can be controlled remotely via radio waves from as far as 2 kilometers away, allowing researchers the collection of volcanic rocks and the measurement of the temperature and pressure at the time of the eruption

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 13 August 11

 

The World First Unmanned Volcano Observation Probe 

 

The world first unmanned volcano observation probe has started test running at the crater of Mt. Aso-Nakatake on July 26. The probe, commonly called "MOVE", was jointly developed by three research institutions, Tohoku-Asia Research Center in Tohoku University, Hitachi Construction Machinery Co., Ltd and Earthquake Research Institute in Tokyo University. When a volcano erupted, it is used to observe surface phenomena at a crater, collecting volcanic rocks and measuring pressure and temperature. Loading shovel shaped probe is six meters long which weights four ton. To enter a volcano in eruption, it withstands the high temperature of 400 degrees centigrade and the shock of 20 centimeters volcanic rocks in diameter. It is the radio controlled probe that can be operated from up to 2 kilometers away because of inboard four cameras.

 

添削

 

The World’s First Unmanned Volcano Observation Probe 

 

The world’s first unmanned volcano observation probe has started a test running at the crater of Mt. Aso-Nakatake on July 26. The probe, commonly called "MOVE", was jointly developed by three research institutions, the1 Tohoku-Asia Research Center at in Tohoku University, Hitachi Construction Machinery Co., Ltd and the Earthquake Research Institute in at Tokyo University. When a volcano erupteds, the prove it is used to observe surface phenomena at a the crater, collecting volcanic rocks and measuring the pressure and temperature. The probe looks like2 a Loading shovel car and measures shaped probe is six meters in length long and which weights four tons in weight. To enter observe a volcano in eruption, it the prove can withstands the high temperature of 400 degrees Celsius centigrade and a direct hit by the shock of a 20 centimeters volcanic rocks with 20 centimeters in diameter. It The probe is the radio remotely controlled probe by a radio and that can be operated from a distance of up to 2 kilometers away by the use of because of inboard four onboard cameras.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       公共施設の名称は定冠詞がついたり、つかなかったりしますが、名称がTohoku-Asia Research Center のように一般的な名詞の連続の時には定冠詞をつけることが多いです。

 

2.       A Lloading shovel shaped probeとするとわかりにくいので、添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The World’s First Unmanned Volcano Observation Probe 

 

The world’s first unmanned volcano observation probe has started a test run at the crater of Mt. Aso-Nakatake on July 26. The probe, commonly called "MOVE", was jointly developed by three research institutions, the Tohoku-Asia Research Center at Tohoku University, Hitachi Construction Machinery Co., Ltd and the Earthquake Research Institute at Tokyo University. When a volcano erupts, the prove is used to observe surface phenomena at the crater, collecting volcanic rocks and measuring the pressure and temperature. The probe looks like a shovel car and measures six meters in length and four tons in weight. To observe a volcano in eruption, the prove can withstand the high temperature of 400 degrees Celsius and a direct hit by a volcanic rock with 20 centimeters in diameter. The probe is  remotely controlled by a radio and can be operated from a distance of up to 2 kilometers  by the use of four onboard cameras.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 4 February 11

 

"The World’s First Unmanned Volcano Probe”

 

On July 26, the world’s first unmanned vehicle to observe volcanic eruptions was tested near the crater of Mount Aso. The vehicle, named the Mobile Observatory for Volcanic Explosions or MOVE, was jointly developed by Tohoku University’s Center for Northeast Asia Studies, Hitachi Construction Machinery Co., and the Earthquake Research Institute of Tokyo University. The excavator-shaped vehicle, six meters in length and four tons in weight, can withstand temperatures of up to 400 degree centigrade and survive a hit of volcanic stones as large as 20 centimeters in diameter. Equipped with four cameras, the vehicle can be remote-controlled as far as two kilometers away when they collect volcanic stones and measure wind pressure and temperature.

 

添削

 

"The World’s First Unmanned Volcano Probe”

 

On July 26, the world’s first unmanned vehicle to observe volcanic eruptions was tested near the crater of Mount Aso. The vehicle, named the Mobile Observatory for Volcanic Explosions or MOVE, was jointly developed by Tohoku University’s Center for Northeast Asia Studies, Hitachi Construction Machinery Co., and the Earthquake Research Institute of Tokyo University. The excavator-shaped vehicle, six meters in length and four tons in weight, can withstand temperatures of up to 400 degrees Celsius centigrade and survive a strike by hit of a volcanic stones as large as 20 centimeters in diameter. Equipped with four cameras, the vehicle can be remote-controlled as far as two kilometers away when they collect volcanic stones and measure wind the pressure and temperature of gas of an eruption.

 

コメント

英文の内容の総てがわかります。情報の多い文章の内容をわかりやすく整理してあります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"The World’s First Unmanned Volcano Probe”

 

On July 26, the world’s first unmanned vehicle to observe volcanic eruptions was tested near the crater of Mount Aso. The vehicle, named the Mobile Observatory for Volcanic Explosions or MOVE, was jointly developed by Tohoku University’s Center for Northeast Asia Studies, Hitachi Construction Machinery Co., and the Earthquake Research Institute of Tokyo University. The excavator-shaped vehicle, six meters in length and four tons in weight, can withstand temperatures of up to 400 degrees Celsius and a strike by a volcanic stone as large as 20 centimeters in diameter. Equipped with four cameras, the vehicle can be remote-controlled as far as two kilometers away when they collect volcanic stones and measure the pressure and temperature of gas of an eruption.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(P&C, 5 Aug 08

 

"The First Unmanned Volcano Probe in the World"

 

On July 26, a test traveling of an unmanned volcano probe started around crater of Mt. Asonakadake. The prove collects some pieces of information in erupting. This test is the first all over the world. The Northwest Asia Research Center of Tohoku University, Hitachi Construction Machinery Co. Ltd., Earthquake Research Institute of University of Tokyo, and etc. collaborated to make the prove and named it Mobile Observatory for Volcanic Eruption (MOVE). MOVE is like shovel loader outwardly and about 6 meters in length and about 4 tons in weight. MOVE can stand high temperature of 400 centigrates and direct hit of stones which are 20 centimeters in diameter. MOVE carries 4 cameras. You can operate it by radio in the place where is 2 kilometers away from the crater. MOVE can collect some stones which were shot out and measure pressure and temperature in erupting.

 

添削

 

"The First Unmanned Volcano Probe in the World"

 

On July 26, a test traveling of an unmanned volcano probe started around the crater of Mt. Asonakadake. The prove can collects some pieces of information on in volcanic eruptingons and is the first of its kind in the world. This test is the first all over the world1. The Northwesteast Asia Research Center of Tohoku University, Hitachi Construction Machinery Co. Ltd., and the Earthquake Research Institute of the University of Tokyo, and etc2. collaborated to make the prove and named it the Mobile Observatory for Volcanic Eruptions (MOVE). The MOVE is looks like a shovel loader outwardly and is about 6 meters in length and about 4 tons in weight. The MOVE can stand a high temperature of 400 degrees Celsius centigrates and a direct hit of by a stones which is are 20 centimeters in diameter. The MOVE carries 4 cameras and . You can be operate operated remotely it by radio from a distance of in the place where is 2 kilometers away from the crater3. The MOVE can collect some stones which are were shot out from a crater and measure the pressure and temperature of an eruption in erupting.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、わからないところがあります。

 

1.       This test is the first of its kind all over in the world.としないと意味が通じません。しかし、「世界初の無人火山探査機の走行試験」で「世界初」は「無人火山探査機」だとおもいます。これが世界初ですから走行試験も世界初になるでしょうが。

 

2.       日本文には「〜など」という表現が多いですが、これをand etc.とすると英文に曖昧さを導入します。大体の場合はand etc.を省略してよいでしょう。どうしても必要なときは、a consortium of research institutes and companies including (またはsuch as) ~ というような表現を使います。

 

3.       無人火山探査機から2キロ離れたところだとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

"The First Unmanned Volcano Probe in the World"

 

On July 26, a test of an unmanned volcano probe started around the crater of Mt. Asonakadake. The prove can collect information on volcanic eruptions and is the first of its kind in the world. The Northeast Asia Research Center of Tohoku University, Hitachi Construction Machinery Co. Ltd., and the Earthquake Research Institute of the University of Tokyo collaborated to make the prove and named it the Mobile Observatory for Volcanic Eruptions (MOVE). The MOVE looks like a shovel loader outwardly and is about 6 meters in length and about 4 tons in weight. The MOVE can stand a high temperature of 400 degrees Celsius and a direct hit by a stone which is 20 centimeters in diameter. The MOVE carries 4 cameras and can be operated remotely by radio from a distance of 2 kilometers. The MOVE can collect some stones which are shot out from a crater and measure the pressure and temperature of an eruption.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Prim, 22 January 05

 

“The World’s First Remote-Controlled Vehicle for Proving Volcanic Activities”

 

On July 26, the world’s first remote-controlled vehicle for proving volcanic activities was tested around the edge of craters on Mount Aso Nakadake. The vehicle was officially called the Volcanic Moveable Observation Station, “MOVE,” and has been jointly developed by the North-East Research Center of Tohoku University, Hitachi Construction Machine Manufacturing Company and the Earthquake Research Institute of Tokyo University. The vehicle, six meters in length and four tons in weight, looks line a shovel car and can withstand 400 degree Celsius heat and a direct hit by a stone as big as 20 centimeters in diameter. It carries four cameras and can be remotely controlled as far as two kilometers away to collect rocks and measure the temperature and air pressure when a volcano erupts

 

添削

 

"The World's First Remote-Controlled Vehicle for Proving Investigating Volcanic Activities"

 

On July 26 twenty sixth, the world's first remote-controlled vehicle for proving investigating volcanic activities was tested around the edge of some craters on Mount Aso Nakadake. The vehicle was officially called the Volcanic Moveable Observation Station,  "(MOVE)," and, and has was been jointly developed by the North-East Research Center of Tohoku University, Hitachi Construction Machine Manufacturing Company and the Earthquake Research Institute of Tokyo University. The vehicle, six meters in length and four tons in weight, looks line like a shovel car and can withstand 400 degree Celsius heat and a direct hit by a stone as big as 20 centimeters in diameter. It carries four cameras and can be remotely controlled from as far as two kilometers away in order to collect rocks and measure the temperature and air pressure when a volcano erupts is erupting.

 

 

 

中級問題 137 「県職員の防犯パトロール参加はボランティア休暇扱い

 

大分県は県職員が地域の防犯パトロールに参加する際、ボランティア休暇(特別休暇)を活用できるよう規則改正を行った。ボランティア休暇は、「県職員の勤務時間、休暇等に関する規則」に規定され、年間五日の取得が可能。対象は(1)被災者への支援(2)社会福祉施設における活動(3)在宅要介護者への支援(4)自然環境保全活動―の四項目だったが、今回の改正で「防犯パトロール」を追加した。 

 

パトロールは、児童生徒が下校する夕方に実施する場合が多いことから同休暇は一時間単位で取得でき、八時間に達した場合に一日とする。自治会やPTAなどが組織的に行う防犯パトロールが対象で、県庁から活動場所への移動時間も含めて同休暇を取得することができる。

 

読者からの投稿 7(marcie, 19 November 16

 

The Government of Oita Prefecture amended its bylaws so that government employees can take a volunteer vacation within a category of "special vacation" when they volunteer for anti-crime patrols. A volunteer vacation is defined in the "government employee's office hours and vacations" regulation. An employee can take five volunteer vacation days per one year. Previously, the volunteer vacation included support activities for (1) Disaster victims, (2) Social welfare facilities, (3) Homecare, and (4) Protection of natural environment. By the recent amendment, (5) Anti-crime patrol was added.  Since they usually patrol after school hours when children go home, the volunteer vacation can be claimed by hour. 8 hours is one day equivalent. It covers anti-crime patrols organized by residential associations and PTA. The volunteer vacation hours can include transportation time between an office and the patrol location.

 

添削

 

The Government of Oita Prefecture amended its bylaws so that government employees can take a volunteer vacation within a category of "special vacation" when they volunteer for anti-crime patrols. A volunteer vacation is defined in the "government employee's office hours and vacations" regulation. An employee can take five volunteer vacation days per one year. Previously, the volunteer vacation included support activities supporting for (1) Disaster victims, (2) Social welfare facilities, (3) Homecare, and (4) Protection of natural environment. By the recent amendment, (5) Anti-crime patrol was added.  Since they usually patrol after school hours when children go home, the volunteer vacation can be claimed by hour. Eight 8 hours become is equivalent to one day equivalent. It covers anti-crime patrols organized by residential associations and PTA. The volunteer vacation hours can include transportation time between an office and the patrol location.

 

コメント

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Government of Oita Prefecture amended its bylaws so that government employees can take a volunteer vacation within a category of "special vacation" when they volunteer for anti-crime patrols. A volunteer vacation is defined in the "government employee's office hours and vacations" regulation. An employee can take five volunteer vacation days per one year. Previously, the volunteer vacation included activities supporting (1) Disaster victims, (2) Social welfare facilities, (3) Homecare, and (4) Protection of natural environment. By the recent amendment, (5) Anti-crime patrol was added. Since they usually patrol after school hours when children go home, the volunteer vacation can be claimed by hour. Eight hours become equivalent to one day. It covers anti-crime patrols organized by residential associations and PTA. The volunteer vacation hours can include transportation time between an office and the patrol location.

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 23 February 13

 

"Oita Prefecture Encourages Its Employees to Join Anticrime Patrols through Paid Leave” 

 

The prefecture of Oita has amended its prefectural ordinance in order to allow its employees to take advantage of its volunteer leave system when they take part in community anticrime patrols. The “volunteer leave” is stipulated in the “rules on working hours and leaves for government employees”. Employees are entitled to up to 5 days of vacation a year when they join volunteer activities meeting certain qualifications. Such activities include: 1) help for disaster victims, 2) activities at welfare facilities, 3) support for those in need of in-home nursing care and 4) conservation of natural environment. The community anticrime patrols have been added to the list of qualifications by this amendment. In many cases, the patrol is conducted late afternoon when school children leave school for home. In light of this, employees can take the patrol leave by the hour with 8 hours counted as one day leave. Anticrime patrols organized by community associations or by PTA’s are qualified as the subject of the leave. The time required for going to the site of patrol is counted as the patrol leave.

 

添削

 

"Oita Prefecture Encourages Its Employees to Join Anticrime Patrols through Paid Leave” 

 

The prefecture of Oita has amended its prefectural ordinance in order to allow its employees to take advantage of its volunteer leave system when they take part in community anticrime patrols. The “volunteer leave” is stipulated in the “rules on working hours and leaves for government employees”. Employees are entitled to up to 5 days of vacation a year when they join volunteer activities meeting certain qualifications conditions. Such activities include: 1) helping for disaster victims, 2) activities at welfare facilities, 3) support for those in need of in-home nursing care and 4) conservation of natural environment. The community anticrime patrols have been added to the list of qualifications conditions by this amendment. In many cases, the patrol is conducted late afternoon when school children leave school for home. In light of this, employees can take the patrol leave by the hour with 8 hours counted as one day leave. Anticrime patrols organized by community associations or by PTA’s are qualified as the subject of the leave. The time required for going from office to the site of patrol is counted as the patrol leave too.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Oita Prefecture Encourages Its Employees to Join Anticrime Patrols through Paid Leave” 

 

The prefecture of Oita has amended its prefectural ordinance in order to allow its employees to take advantage of its volunteer leave system when they take part in community anticrime patrols. The “volunteer leave” is stipulated in the “rules on working hours and leaves for government employees”. Employees are entitled to up to 5 days of vacation a year when they join volunteer activities meeting certain conditions. Such activities include: 1) helping  disaster victims, 2) activities at welfare facilities, 3) support for those in need of in-home nursing care and 4) conservation of natural environment. The community anticrime patrols have been added to the list of conditions by this amendment. In many cases, the patrol is conducted late afternoon when school children leave school for home. In light of this, employees can take the patrol leave by the hour with 8 hours counted as one day leave. Anticrime patrols organized by community associations or by PTA’s are qualified as the subject of the leave. The time required for going from office to the site of patrol is counted as the patrol leave too.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 14 August 11

 

The Oita Prefectural Government's Employees Can Participate Local Anticrime Patrols Using Volunteer Leave

 

The Oita prefectural government's employees could take volunteer leave (special leave) when they participate local anticrime patrols, the prefecture revised a law. According to the prefecture law, "Rules on Working Hours and Leave of Absence", the employees are able to get five days a year as volunteer leave. The participable volunteer works are as follows.

 

(1) Support for victims

(2) Activity at welfare facilities

(3) Support for home caregivers

(4) Activity for nature conservation

(5) Participation of anticrime patrol (newly added activity)

 

Regarding anticrime patrol, the employees can take the volunteer leave on an hour basis because most patrols start from going-home of pupils and a total of eight hours become a day off. The patrols organized by community association and PTA (Parents and Teachers Association) are allowed to participate that traveling time between the prefecture and the place of a patrol is regarded as a part of the volunteer leave.

 

添削

 

Employee of Tthe Oita Prefectural Government's Employees1 Can Use Volunteer Leaves for Participateing in Local Anticrime Patrols Using Volunteer Leave

 

Employees of Tthe Oita prefectural gGovernment's employees can now  could take volunteer leaves (special leaves) when they participate in local anticrime patrols, as the prefecture has revised a the law governing volunteer leaves. According to the revision to the prefecture law, "Rules on Working Hours and Leave of Absence", the a new item, (5) Participation in anticrime patrols, has been added to the list of activities eligible for employees are able to get volunteer leaves of five days a year as volunteer leave. The eligible participable volunteer works activities are as follows.:2

 

(1) Support for victims

(2) Activityies at welfare facilities

(3) Support for home caregivers

(4) Activityies for nature conservation

(5) Participation in of anticrime patrols (newly added activity)

 

Regarding anticrime patrols, the employees can take a the volunteer leave on an hour basis because most patrols start when from going-home of pupils go home. and aA total of eight hours become a day of volunteer leave off. The employees3 can participate in the patrols organized by community associations and PTAs (Parents and Teachers Association) are allowed to participate that tTraveling time between the place of work prefecture and the place of a patrol is regarded as a part of the volunteer leave.

 

コメント

 

内容の大部分はわかりますが、The patrols organized by community association and PTA (Parents and Teachers Association) are allowed to participate that traveling time between the prefecture and the place of a patrol is regarded as a part of the volunteer leave.のところがわかりません。

 

1.       英語では一般的にOita Prefectural Government's Employeesのように名詞を続けること嫌います。

 

2.       今回の改正で「防犯パトロール」を追加した。がこの記事の眼目なので、ここをはっきりさせるとよいでしょう。

 

3.       県職員を主語にすると文構造が簡単になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Employee of the Oita Prefectural Government Can Use Volunteer Leaves for Participating in Local Anticrime Patrols

 

Employees of the Oita prefectural Government can now take volunteer leaves (special leaves) when they participate in local anticrime patrols as the prefecture has revised the law governing volunteer leaves. According to the revision to the law, "Rules on Working Hours and Leave of Absence", a new item, (5) Participation in anticrime patrols, has been added to the list of activities eligible for volunteer leaves of five days a year. The eligible volunteer activates are as follows:

 

(1) Support for victims

(2) Activities at welfare facilities

(3) Support for home caregivers

(4) Activities for nature conservation

(5) Participation in  anticrime patrols (newly added activity)

 

Regarding anticrime patrols, the employees can take a volunteer leave on an hour basis because most patrols start when pupils go home. A total of eight hours become a day of volunteer leave. The employees can participate in the patrols organized by community associations and PTAs (Parents and Teachers Association) Traveling time between the place of work and the place of a patrol is regarded as a part of the volunteer leave.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Kalo, 25 February 11

 

"Oita Prefecture Grants Volunteer Leave for Employees to Join Safety Patrols”

 

Oita Prefecture has revised its regulations to allow government employees to take volunteer leave when they participate in patrols for safety on the streets. Volunteer leave is regulated by the prefectural laws for working hours and annual leave, and government employees can take five days of volunteer leave in a year to join volunteer activities.

 

These activities include helping disaster victims, working for social welfare facilities, supporting a home-care service and preserving the natural environment. This time, safety patrols on the streets have been added to these activities by the revision.

 

Government employees can participate in safety patrols organized by local residents and parent-teacher associations. Safety patrols are often conducted during the late afternoon when children go home from school, so that government employees can take volunteer leave by the hour. Eight hours of the activity is counted as a one-day leave, including the time they travel from the prefectural office to their patrolling area.

 

添削

 

"Oita Prefecture Grants a1 Volunteer Leave for Employees to Join Safety Patrols”

 

Oita Prefecture has revised its regulations to allow government employees to take a volunteer leave when they participate in safety patrols for safety on the streets. The Vvolunteer leave is regulated by the prefectural laws for working hours and annual leaves, and government employees can take five days of a volunteer leave in a year to join volunteer activities.

 

These activities include helping disaster victims, working for social welfare facilities, supporting a home-care services and preserving the natural environment. This time, safety patrols on the streets have been added to these activities by the revision.

 

Government employees can participate in safety patrols organized by local residents and parent-teacher associations. Safety patrols are often conducted during the late afternoon when children go home from school, so that government employees can take a volunteer leave by the an hour. Eight hours of the activity is counted as a one-day leave, including the time they travel from the prefectural office to their patrolling area.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。いろいろは情報がわかりやすく整理してあります。

 

1.       volunteerleaveも動詞形がありますから、a volunteer leaveと不定冠詞をつけて、これが複合名詞であることをはっきりさせます。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Oita Prefecture Grants a Volunteer Leave for Employees to Join Safety Patrols”

 

Oita Prefecture has revised its regulations to allow government employees to take a volunteer leave when they participate in safety patrols on the streets. The volunteer leave is regulated by the prefectural laws for working hours and annual leaves, and government employees can take five days of a volunteer leave in a year to join volunteer activities.

 

These activities include helping disaster victims, working for social welfare facilities, supporting home-care services and preserving the natural environment. This time, safety patrols on the streets have been added to these activities by the revision.

 

Government employees can participate in safety patrols organized by local residents and parent-teacher associations. Safety patrols are often conducted during the late afternoon when children go home from school, so that government employees can take a volunteer leave by an hour. Eight hours of the activity is counted as a one-day leave, including the time they travel from the prefectural office to their patrolling area.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(P&C, 7 Aug 08

 

"Joining in Patrol for Security of Prefecture Officials is Counted As Vacation for Volunteer Activity"

 

The Oita Prefecture revised a regulation to enable prefecture officials to join in patrol for security around their own home using special vacation called Volunteer Vacation. The vacation is determined according to "regulations about working hours and vacations for the prefecture officials". The officials can take 5 days Volunteer Vacations a year in the following 4 cases :

 

1) they support victims due to natural disasters ;

 

2) they involve activities of social welfare institutions ;

 

3) they support people who need care in home ;

 

4) they involve activities for natural environmental prevention. In this revision, the case that they join in patrol for security was added .

 

Because the officials usually patrol in the evening when children leave school, they take the vacation by the hour. 8 hours vacations are counted as 1 day vacation. The officials join in the patrol that neighborhood community association and PTA organize. The time that officials take to move from the Prefectural Office to the place for patrol activities is also counted as time for the patrol activities.

 

添削

 

"Joining in a Security Patrol for Security of Prefecture Officials is Counted As a Special Vacation for Government Employees in Oita Prefecture Volunteer Activity1"

 

The Oita Prefecture2 revised the a regulations for its volunteer vacation to enable government employees prefecture officials to join in a security patrol for school children3 security around  their own home using special vacation called Volunteer Vacation. The volunteer vacation is defined in the determined according to "regulations about working hours and vacations for government employees the prefecture officials". Government employees4 The officials can take 5 days for Volunteer Vacations a year in the following 4 four cases :

 

1) they support help victims due to of natural disasters ;

 

2) they get involve in activities of social welfare institutions ;

 

3) they help support people who need care at in home ;

 

4) they get involved in activities for the preservation of the natural environmental prevention.

 

In this revision, Oita Prefecture has added one more the case that they join in a security patrol for security was added .

 

Because volunteers the officials usually patrol in the late afternoon evening when children leave school, government employees who volunteer for a school security patrol they can take their volunteer vacations by the hour. Eight5 8 hours vacations time is are counted as one1 day vacation day. Volunteers The officials join in the school security patrols that neighborhood community associations and PTAs organize. The time that the volunteers spend officials take to on moveing from their offices Prefectural Office to the places for patrol activities is also counted as a vacation time for the patrol activities.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       日本語の見出しが長いので、どのように英文で短くする出来るか考えます。Government Employees Join School Security Patrols in Oita Prefecture, Special Vacation for School Security Patrols for Government Employees in Oitaなどなど考え付きますが、大分県では、ということが見出しに入るのがよいとおもいます。

 

2.       大分県庁はthe Government of Oita Prefectureが正式名ですが、この文脈ではOita Prefectureでわかります。

 

3.       防犯パトロールは児童生徒のためのほかにもあるのでしょうが、防犯パトロール一般を言ってから、その中の特別のものとして児童生徒のための防犯パトロールを説明すると文章が長くなるので、ここでは児童生徒の防犯パトロールだけに絞りました。

 

4.       県職員は正式にはemployees of the Government of Oitaですが、文脈からgovernment employeesでわかるでしょう。government officialsというと政府職員の中である特別な役職にあるものという感じになります。An government official inspected the sanitary condition of the restaurant. civil servantsという言葉もありますが、少し古くなりました。

 

5.       数字で文を始めると読みにくくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Joining a Security Patrol is Counted As a Special Vacation for Government Employees in Oita Prefecture"

 

Oita Prefecture revised the regulations for its volunteer vacation to enable government employees to join a security patrol for school children. The volunteer vacation is defined in the "regulations about working hours and vacations for government employees". Government employees can take 5 days for Volunteer Vacations a year in the following four cases:

 

1) they help victims of natural disasters ;

 

2) they get involve in activities of social welfare institutions ;

 

3) they help people who need care at home ;

 

4) they get involved in activities for the preservation of the natural environment.

 

In this revision, Oita Prefecture has added one more case that they join in a security patrol.

 

Because volunteers usually patrol in the late afternoon when children leave school, government employees who volunteer for a school security patrol can take their volunteer vacations by hour. Eight hour vacation time is counted as one vacation day. Volunteers join  school security patrols that neighborhood community associations and PTAs organize. The time that the volunteers spend on moving from their offices to the places for patrol activities is also counted as a vacation time.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(YASUKUN, 10 February 07

 

"The Prefectural Government Employees Apply for Volunteer Leave To Attend the Patrol"

 

Ohita prefectural government amended the laws about a special leave called "volunteer leave". This amendment permits the prefectural government employees applying for volunteer leave when they attend the patrol for the local community safety. Volunteer leave is stipulated in "the Laws for Working Hours and Leaves for the Prefectural Government Employees ".

 

According to the laws, the government employees can apply for the maximum five-day leave in every year.  Volunteer leave used to be available for: (1) helping disaster victims; (2) working in social welfare facilities; (3) helping people who need home care; (4) working for natural conservation. But since this amendment, volunteer leave becomes also available for "patrolling for the local community safety".

 

The government employees can have volunteer leave on an hour basis because they mainly patrol only in the evening when school children are going back home.  And volunteer leave includes time required to move from the prefectural office building to the place where they patrol. Eight-hour leave is counted as one-day leave. But they can only attend the patrol organized by groups such as a neighborhood self-governing body or a PTA.

 

添削

 

"The Prefectural Government Employees Can Apply Take1 for a Volunteer Leave to Attend the a School Patrol"

 

The Ohita prefectural government2 has3 amended its the by-laws4 about a special leave called a "volunteer leave". This amendment permits the prefectural government employees applying for a volunteer leave when they attend participate in a the patrol for the local community safety. The Vvolunteer leave is stipulated in "the By-Llaws for Working Hours and Leaves for the Prefectural Government Employees ".

 

According5 to the by-laws, the a government employees6 can apply for the maximum five-day leave in every year. The Vvolunteer leave used to be available for: (1) helping disaster victims; (2) working in social welfare facilities; (3) helping people who need home care; (4) working for natural conservation. But since this amendment, the volunteer leave has becomes also available for "patrolling for the local community safety".

 

The A government employees can take have a volunteer leave on an hourly basis because they he or she7 mainly patrols only in the evening when school children are going back home.  And He or she can add to the volunteer leave includes the time required to move go from the prefectural office building to the place where they he or she patrols. An Eeight-hour leave is counted as a one-day leave. But they he or she can only attend the patrol organized by groups such as a neighborhood self-governing body or a PTA.

 

コメント

 

1.       日本文に「活用できる」とあるのでapplyするだけでなく、実際にtake出来る、としたほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       The Government of Oitaまたは the Oita prefectural governmentとします。

 

3.       ここは現在完了形にすると、ごく最近変えた、という意味が強調されます。

 

4.       市町村の法律は一般的にby-lawsと言います。付随定款、という訳語が付いている辞書がありますが、国の法律ではなくて、地方の法律、という意味です。

 

5.       ここから新しい段落にしたので文章が読みやすくなりましたね。

 

6.       一人一人の県職員が、という意味でa government employeeがよいでしょう。

 

7.       従来はheで三人称を代表していましたが、このごろはhe or sheという表現も多くなりました。

 

添削後の文章

 

" Prefectural Government Employees Can Take a Volunteer Leave to Attend a School Patrol"

 

The Ohita prefectural government has amended its by-laws about a special leave called a "volunteer leave". This amendment permits prefectural government employees apply for a volunteer leave when they participate in a patrol for local community safety. The volunteer leave is stipulated in "the By-laws for Working Hours and Leaves for the Prefectural Government Employees ".

 

According to the by-laws, a government employee can apply for the maximum five-day leave every year. The volunteer leave used to be available for: (1) helping disaster victims; (2) working in social welfare facilities; (3) helping people who need home care; (4) working for natural conservation. But since this amendment, the volunteer leave has become also available for "patrolling for local community safety".

 

A government employee can take a volunteer leave on an hourly basis because he or she mainly patrols only in the evening when school children are going home. He or she can add to the volunteer leave the time required to go from the prefectural office building to the place where he or she patrols. An eight-hour leave is counted as a one-day leave. But he or she can only attend the patrol organized by groups such as a neighborhood self-governing body or a PTA.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Prim, 25 Jan 05

 

“Special Holidays for Government Employees to Volunteer for Crime-Prevention Patrol”

 

Oita Prefecture has revised its regulations so that government employees can apply for special holidays (“volunteer holidays”) to participate in volunteer crime-prevention patrols. Volunteer holidays are regulated by the By-lays for Working Hours and Holidays for Prefectural Government Employees and have been available to participate in volunteer activities: (1) to help disaster victims; (2) to provide assistance at social welfare facilities; (3) to help those who need home care; (4) to conserve nature. The revision added a new item to the By-laws as the fifth item: (5) to conduct prime-prevention patrols.

 

Government employees mainly participate in the crime-prevention patrols organized by local residents’ associations and parents and teachers’ associations when school children go home in the evening. Those patrols are conducted for a short period of time on school days. To make volunteer holidays flexible, government employees can apply for volunteer holidays by hour including time required to go to the area of patrol. When they accumulate eight hours, they can apply for a one-day volunteer holiday.

 

添削

 

"Special Holidays for Government Employees to Volunteer for Crime-Prevention Patrol"

 

Oita Prefecture has revised its regulations so that government employees can apply for special holidays. ("volunteer Volunteer holidaysHolidays1") to participate in volunteer crime-prevention patrols. Volunteer holidays are regulated by the By-lays By-laws for Working Hours and Holidays for Prefectural Government Employees and have been are available to for those who wish to2 participate in volunteer activities. These activities include3: (1) to helphelping disaster victims; (2) to provideproviding assistance at social welfare facilities; (3) to helphelping those who need home care; and (4) to conserveconserving nature. The revision also added a new item to the Byby-laws, which is as the fifth item: (5) to conductconducting prime-prevention patrols.

 

Government employees mainly participate in the crime-prevention patrols organized by local residents' associations and parents and teachers' associations when school children go are going4 home in the evening. Those patrolsPatrols are conducted for a short period of time on school days. To make volunteer holidays flexible, government employees can apply for volunteer holidays by hour including time required to go to the area of patrol. When they accumulate eight hours, they can apply for a one-day volunteer holiday.

 

コメント

 

1.       文章にはじめてこの言葉が出てくるので、特別な休暇を強調するために”Volunteer Holidays”とするとよいです。

 

2.       「誰が何のために」活用できるのか、誰と何をいれたほうが意味がはっきりします。

 

3.       文が長いので、ここでいったん文を終わり、新しい文でThese activities include:とすると読者に読みやすくなります。

 

4.       「生徒が下校中に」を強調するためには現在進行形がよいです。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Special Holidays for Government Employees to Volunteer for Crime-Prevention Patrol"

 

Oita Prefecture has revised its regulations so that government employees can apply for ."Volunteer Holidays" to participate in volunteer crime-prevention patrols. Volunteer holidays are regulated by the “By-laws for Working Hours and Holidays for Prefectural Government Employees” and are available for those who wish to participate in volunteer activities. These activities include: (1) helping disaster victims; (2) providing assistance at social welfare facilities; (3) helping those who need home care; and (4) conserving nature. The revision also added a new item to the by-laws, which is: (5) conducting prime-prevention patrols.

 

Government employees mainly participate in the crime-prevention patrols organized by local residents' associations and parents and teachers' associations when school children are going home in the evening. Patrols are conducted for a short period of time on school days. To make volunteer holidays flexible, government employees can apply for volunteer holidays by hour including time required to go to the area of patrol. When they accumulate eight hours, they can apply for a one-day volunteer holiday.

 

 

中級問題 138 「日本銀行が大金庫を一般公開」

 

日本銀行は7月26日これまで一度も公開されたことのない本店(東京都中央区)の旧館地下にある大金庫を報道陣に公開した。厚さ九十センチ、重さ二十五トンの鉄製の扉を二人がかりで開けると、れんが造りの金庫内部がお目見えした。1896年に造られ、最も古い金庫として今年六月末まで百年以上使用されていた。お札、金塊、国債など金庫の中身は、別の金庫に移動済みで、代わりに展示用に作られた"偽札""偽金塊"が整然と並べられている。

 

読者からの投稿 6(marcie, 19 November 16

 

Bank of Japan - Open House of the Grand Safe 

 

On July 26th, the Bank of Japan invited media to the open house of the grand safe at the head office in Chuo-ku, Tokyo. The safe was in the basement of the old building and has never been opened for media before. The inside of the brick safe appeared when two persons opened the iron door that was 90 centimeters thick and 25 tons. It was the oldest safe built in 1896 and had been used over 100 years till the end of June this year. The real money, gold blocks and bonds were transferred to another safe. Instead, it displayed phony bills and phony gold blocks in orderly manner. The phony bills and phony gold blocks were made specially for this display purpose.

 

添削

 

Bank of Japan - Opens House of the Grand Safe to the Media 

 

On July 26th, the Bank of Japan invited the media to the open house of the its grand safe at the head office in Chuo-ku, Tokyo. The safe was in the basement of the old building and has never been opened for to the media before. The inside of the brick safe appeared when two persons people opened its the iron door that was 90 centimeters thick and 25 tons in weight. This It was the oldest safe in Japan, built in 1896 and had been used over 100 years till the end of June this year. The rReal money, gold blocks and bonds had been already were transferred to another safe. Instead, it displayed phony bills and phony gold blocks in orderly manner. The phony bills and phony gold blocks were made specially for this display purpose.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章 

 

Bank of Japan  Opens  the Grand Safe to the Media 

 

On July 26th, the Bank of Japan invited the media to the open house of its grand safe at the head office in Chuo-ku, Tokyo. The safe was in the basement of the old building and has never been opened to the media before. The inside of the brick safe appeared when two people opened its iron door that was 90 centimeters thick and 25 tons in weight. This was the oldest safe in Japan, built in 1896 and had been used over 100 years till the end of June this year. Real money, gold blocks and bonds had been already transferred to another safe. Instead, it displayed phony bills and phony gold blocks. The phony bills and phony gold blocks were made specially for this display purpose.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 2 March 13

 

"Bank of Japan to Open Century-old Vault to Public”

 

On July 26, the Bank of Japan opened its large vault in the basement of the old building at the bank’s head office in Chuo-ku, Tokyo to the press for the first time. When an iron door which is 90 cm thick and weighs 25 tons was opened by two men, there appeared the interior walls and ceiling built of brick. Built in 1896, the vault had been used for more than a century up until the end of June this year as the oldest vault of the bank. Instead of yen notes, bullions and government bonds, all of which had been moved to another vault, “replica yen notes” and “fake ingots of gold” were orderly piled up therein for exhibition.

 

添削

 

"Bank of Japan to Open Century-old Vault to Public”

 

On July 26, the Bank of Japan opened its large vault in the basement of the old building at the bank’s head office in Chuo-ku, Tokyo to the press for the first time. When an iron door which is was 90 centimeters cm thick and weighsed 25 tons was opened by two men, there appeared the interior walls and ceiling built of brick was revealed. Built in 1896, the vault had been used for more than a century up until the end of June this year as the oldest vault of the bank. Instead of yen notes, bullions and government bonds, all of which had been moved to another vault, “replica yen notes” and “fake ingots of gold” were orderly piled up in the vault therein for exhibition.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 26, the Bank of Japan opened its large vault in the basement of the old building at the bank’s head office in Chuo-ku, Tokyo to the press for the first time. When an iron door which was 90 centimeters thick and weighed 25 tons was opened by two men, the interior walls and ceiling built of brick was revealed. Built in 1896, the vault had been used for more than a century up until the end of June this year as the oldest vault of the bank. Instead of yen notes, bullions and government bonds, all of which had been moved to another vault, “replica yen notes” and “fake ingots of gold” were orderly piled up in the vault  for exhibition.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 16 August 11

 

The Back of Japan Opens the Large Vault to the Public

 

The Bank of Japan opened its large vault at the basement level in the old building of head office (Cyuo Ward, Tokyo) to the press for the first time on July 26. When two men opened the heavy door, ninety centimeters thick and twenty-five tons in weight, the interior made of brick appeared. The large vault built in 1896 had used more than a hundred years until the end of this June as the oldest vault. The valuables such as notes, gold bullion and national bonds in the vault has already been moved to other vault, instead, counterfeit notes and fake gold bullion were displayed in the vault.

 

添削

 

The Back of Japan Opens the Large Vault to the Public

 

The Bank of Japan opened its large vault at in the basement level of in its the old building at its of head office (Cyuo Ward, Tokyo) to the press for the first time on July 26. When two men opened the heavy door, ninety centimeters thick and twenty-five tons in weight, the interior made of brick was revealed appeared. The large vault was built in 1896 and had been used for more than a hundred years until the end of this June as the oldest vault at the bank. The valuables such as notes, gold bullion and national bonds in the vault has have been already been removed to other vaults,. instead, cCounterfeit notes and fake gold bullion were placed displayed in the vault and displayed to the press.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Back of Japan Opens the Large Vault to the Public

 

The Bank of Japan opened its large vault in the basement level of its old building at its  head office (Cyuo Ward, Tokyo) to the press for the first time on July 26. When two men opened the heavy door, ninety centimeters thick and twenty-five tons in weight, the interior made of brick was revealed. The large vault was built in 1896 and had been used for more than a hundred years until the end of this June as the oldest vault at the bank. The valuables such as notes, gold bullion and national bonds in the vault have been already removed to other vaults. Counterfeit notes and fake gold bullion were placed in the vault and displayed to the press.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 26 February 11

 

"Bank of Japan Revealed its Underground Vault”

 

On July 26, the Bank of Japan opened its underground vault at the head office old building (Chuo, Tokyo) to the public for the first time ever. The vault, built in 1896 and the oldest in the country, had been in use for more than 100 years until June this year.

 

When the doors with 90-cm thick and 25 tons opened, the brick-made inside of the vault was revealed. Paper notes, gold ingots and government bonds in the vault had been moved to another vault and instead the imitations were displayed for opening to the public.

 

添削

 

"Bank of Japan Revealeds1 its Underground Vault”

 

On July 26, the Bank of Japan opened its underground vault in the old building at the head office old building (Chuo Ward, Tokyo) to the public for the first time ever. The vault, built in 1896 and the oldest in the country, had been in use for more than 100 years until June this year.

 

When the doors, with 90-cm thick and weighs 25 tons, opened, the brick-made inside of the vault was revealed. Paper notes, gold ingots and government bonds in the vault had already been moved to another vault and instead their imitations were displayed in the vault for opening to the public.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       記事の見出しは現在形が多いです。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Bank of Japan Reveals1 its Underground Vault”

 

On July 26, the Bank of Japan opened its underground vault in the old building at the head office (Chuo Ward, Tokyo) to the public for the first time ever. The vault, built in 1896 and the oldest in the country, had been in use for more than 100 years until June this year.

 

When the door, 90-cm thick and weighs 25 tons, opened, the brick-made inside of the vault was revealed. Paper notes, gold ingots and government bonds in the vault had already been moved to another vault and their imitations were displayed in the vault to the public.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(P&C, 8 Aug 08

 

"The Bank of Japan Exhibited a Giant Safe"

 

On July 26, the Bank of Japan exhibited a giant safe, which has never been exhibited yet, to reporters. The safe is in the basement of the old building of the head office of the Bank of Japan (Tokyo, Chuo-ku). When two staffs of the bank opened an iron door that is 90 centimeters in thickness and 25 tons in weight, the inside of the safe built of bricks appeared before reporters. The safe was made in 1896 and the oldest safe in Japan. Until late in the last June, the safe was used for more than one hundred years. Bank notes, gold nuggets and national bonds in the safe have been already moved into another safe. Instead, "false bank notes" and "false gold nuggets" for exhibition are arranged in order in the safe.

 

添削

 

"The Bank of Japan Showed Exhibited a the Giant Safe to the Media1"

 

On July 26, the Bank of Japan exhibited showed the a giant safe for the first time , which has never been exhibited yet, to the media reporters. The safe was2 is located in the basement of the old building of the head office of the Bank of Japan (Tokyo, Chuo-ku). When two staffs members of the bank opened an iron door, that is was 90 centimeters in thickness and 25 tons in weight, the inside of the safe built of bricks appeared before the media reporters. The safe was made in 1896 and the oldest safe in Japan. Until late in the last June, the safe had been was used for more than one hundred years. Bank notes, gold nuggets and national bonds in the safe had3 have been already moved into another safe. Instead, "false bank notes" and "false gold nuggets" for exhibition were placed are arranged in order in the safe.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       一般的には文章に初出のものは不定冠詞ですが、ここでは単に大きな金庫を見せるのではなく、「日銀の大金庫」なので定冠詞をつけるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       前の文が過去形なのでここも時制の一致で過去形にするのが一般的です。

 

3.       大金庫が公開される前のことなので過去完了形になります。時制の意識の少ない日本文をつかうわれわれには、英語を使う人は時制が面倒だろうな、とおもいますが、(教養のある人は)ごく自然に使っているようです。

 

添削後の文章

 

"The Bank of Japan Showed the Giant Safe to the Media1"

 

On July 26, the Bank of Japan showed the giant safe for the first time to the media. The safe was located in the basement of the old building of the head office of the Bank of Japan (Tokyo, Chuo-ku). When two staff members of the bank opened an iron door, that was 90 centimeters in thickness and 25 tons in weight, the inside of the safe built of bricks appeared before the media . The safe was made in 1896 and the oldest safe in Japan. Until late in last June, the safe had been used for more than one hundred years. Bank notes, gold nuggets and national bonds in the safe had been already moved into another safe. Instead, "false bank notes" and "false gold nuggets" for exhibition were placed in the safe.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Prim, 25 Jan 05

 

“The Bank of Japan Opens the Big Vault to the Public”

 

On July 26, the Bank of Japan opened the Big Vault in the basement of the Old Building at its central office in Chuo Ward, Tokyo, for the first time to the press. The vault with an iron door, 97 centimeter-thick weighing 25 tons, was opened by two persons and revealed its brick-layered interior. The vault was made in 1896 and has been used for over one hundred years until the end of June as the oldest active vault in Japan. Paper money, gold ingots, and government bonds in the vault had been already moved to a new vault and were replaced with fake paper money and fake gold ingots for display.

 

添削

 

"The Bank of Japan Opens the Big Vault to the Public"

 

On July 26twenty sixth, the Bank of Japan opened the Big Vaultbig vault1 in the basement of the Old Buildingold building at its central office in Chuo Ward, Tokyo, for the first time to the press. The vault with an iron door, 97 centimeters-thick and weighing 25 tons, was opened by two persons people and revealed its a brick-layered interior. The vault was made in 1896 and has beenwas used for over one hundred years until the end of June. as It was2 the oldest active vault in Japan. Paper money, gold ingots, and government bonds in the vault had been already been moved to a new vault and were replaced with fake paper money and fake gold ingots for display.

 

コメント

 

1.       「大金庫」という呼び名が使われていた用でもないので小文字でよいでしょう。

 

2.       文が長いことと、as以下の内容が少し異なるので、新しい文にしたほうがよいです。

 

添削後の文章

 

"The Bank of Japan Opens the Big Vault to the Public"

 

On July twenty sixth, the Bank of Japan opened the big vault in the basement of the old building at its central office in Chuo Ward, Tokyo, for the first time to the press. The vault with an iron door, 97 centimeters-thick and weighing 25 tons, was opened by two people and revealed a brick-layered interior. The vault was made in 1896 and was used for over one hundred years until the end of June. It was the oldest active vault in Japan. Paper money, gold ingots, and government bonds in the vault had already been moved to a new vault and were replaced with fake paper money and fake gold ingots for display.

 

 

中級問題 139 「関西空港で1秒でペットボトル検査」

 

航空機内に持ち込む手荷物の検査で、ペットボトルに危険物が入っているかどうかを、わずか1秒で判定する検査器を、関西空港が7月26日導入した。電磁波を利用して中身を判別するもので、同空港は、検査の混雑解消につながると期待している。

 

検査器は幅30センチ、奥行き24センチ、高さ8センチと小型。ペットボトルを置くと、下から電磁波の一種、マイクロ波を照射し、反射波を自動分析する。可燃物だと、赤ランプがついて警告音が鳴り、飲料水なら緑ランプが点灯。中身が5分の1程度でも検査できる。

 

読者からの投稿 6(marcie, 19 November 16

 

Inspects a Plastic Bottle in One Second - Kansai Airport 

 

On July 16th, the Kansai Airport introduced inspection machines for carry-on luggage. The machine can inspect a plastic bottle if it contains dangerous substance in just one second. It uses magnetic wave for a search of dangerous substances. They expect the introduction of the new equipment will cut down congestion at the inspection area. An inspection machine is small in size with 30 centimeters wide, 24 centimeters deep and 8 centimeters high. It irradiates a plastic bottle from the bottom by microwave, a kind of electro-magnetic wave, and automatically analyzes reflected waves. It lights a red signal and rings a warning sound when it detects an inflammable item. It lights a green signal when it detects drinking water. It can test liquid in a bottle if it contains as little as one fifth of its volume.

 

添削

 

Inspectsing a Plastic Bottle in One Second - at Kansai International Airport 

 

On July 16th, the Kansai International Airport introduced a new inspection machines for carry-on luggage. The machine can inspect a plastic bottle if it contains any dangerous substance or not in just one second. It uses magnetic waves for a search of dangerous substances. They expect the introduction of the new machine1 equipment will cut down congestion at the inspection area. An The inspection machine is small in size: with 30 centimeters wide, 24 centimeters deep and 8 centimeters high. It irradiates  a kind of electro-magnetic wave to a plastic bottle from the bottom of the bottle2 by microwave, a kind of electro-magnetic wave, and automatically analyzes reflected waves. It lights a red signal and rings a warning sound when it detects an inflammable item. It lights a green signal when it detects drinking water. It can test liquid in a bottle if it contains as little as one fifth of its volume of the bottle.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       既にmachineと使っているので、同じものは同じ単語で表現します。

 

2.       この文にはmachinebottleの二つのものげでてくるので、どちらの底かはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Inspecting a Plastic Bottle in One Second  at Kansai International Airport 

 

On July 16th, the Kansai International Airport introduced a new inspection machine for carry-on luggage. The machine can inspect a plastic bottle if it contains any dangerous substance or not in just one second. It uses magnetic waves for a search of dangerous substances. They expect the introduction of the new machine will cut down congestion at the inspection area. The inspection machine is small in size:30 centimeters wide, 24 centimeters deep and 8 centimeters high. It irradiates a kind of electro-magnetic wave to a plastic bottle from the bottom of the bottle, and automatically analyzes reflected waves. It lights a red signal and rings a warning sound when it detects an inflammable item. It lights a green signal when it detects drinking water. It can test liquid in a bottle if it contains as little as one fifth of its volume of the bottle.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 2 March 13

 

"Kansai Airport Checks Plastic Bottles in One Second”

 

The Kansai Airport on July 26 introduced new devices for conducting security checks on carry-on plastic bottles. Using electromagnetic wave, the device can detect if the bottles contain any flammable substances inside. The small rectangular device, 30 cm in width, 24 cm in depth and 8 cm in height, emits microwave into a bottle placed on it and automatically analyzes the reflected waves. A red light and alarm are set off if flammable substances are inside, while green light indicates no problem. The device can function even when only one-fifth of the contents remain in the bottle. Since the procedure takes only one second, the airport operator expects the new procedure to reduce congestion at the departure area.

 

添削

 

"Kansai Airport Checks Plastic Bottles in One Second”

 

The Kansai Airport on July 26 introduced new devices for conducting security checks on carry-on plastic bottles. Using electromagnetic wave, the device can detect if a the bottles contains any flammable substances inside. The small rectangular device, 30 centimeters cm in width, 24 centimeters cm in depth and 8 centimeters cm in height, emits microwave into the a bottle placed on the device it and automatically analyzes the reflected waves. A red light and sound alarm are set off if any flammable substances is are in the bottle inside, while a green light indicates no problem. The device can function even when only one-fifth of the contents remains in the bottle. Since the procedure takes only one second, the airport operator expects the new procedure to reduce congestion at the departure area.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Kansai Airport Checks Plastic Bottles in One Second”

 

The Kansai Airport on July 26 introduced new devices for conducting security checks on carry-on plastic bottles. Using electromagnetic wave, the device can detect if a bottle contains any flammable substance inside. The small rectangular device, 30 centimeters in width, 24 centimeters in depth and 8 centimeters in height, emits microwave into the bottle placed on the device and automatically analyzes the reflected waves. A red light and sound alarm are set off if any flammable substance is in the bottle, while a green light indicates no problem. The device can function even when only one-fifth of the contents remains in the bottle. Since the procedure takes only one second, the airport operator expects the new procedure to reduce congestion at the departure area.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 17 August 11

 

The Kansai Airport Air Port Introduces an Inspecting Detector to Detect Contents in Plastic Bottles for a Second

 

The Kansai Air Port has introduced an automatic inspecting detector to detect contents in a plastic bottle at the security checking counters on July 26. The air port are expecting that the detector to use electromagnetic wave will eliminate congestion at the counters because the inspection time takes only a second.  The small detector, 30 cm in width and 24 cm in depth and 8 cm in height, irradiates the contain in a plastic bottle with a microwave radiation, automatically analyzing returning wave and detecting whether the contain is harmful or not. With a red flashing and alarm, the detector lets someone know potential burnable liquid in the plastic bottle. The green light shows drinkable water in the plastic bottle. Even leftover one-fifth of the contains in a plastic bottle, the detector can detect.

 

添削

 

The Kansai Airport Air Port Introduces an Inspecting Device1 Detector to Identify Detect Contents in Plastic Bottles in for a Second

 

The Kansai Airport Air Port has introduced an automatic inspecting detector device to detect identify the contents in a plastic bottle in a second at the security checking counters on July 26. The airport air port are is expecting that the device detector which to uses electromagnetic waves will eliminate congestion at the counters because the inspection time takes only a second.  The small device detector, 30 cm in width and 24 cm in depth and 8 cm in height, irradiates the contents contain in a plastic bottle with a microwaves radiation, automatically analyzing returning waves and deciding detecting whether the contents contain is are harmful or not. With a red fFlashing a red light and sounding an alarm, the device detector lets the inspector someone know that potential burnable flammable liquid is in the plastic bottle. The A green light says shows that drinkable water is in the plastic bottle. Even when leftover only one-fifth of the contents contains is in a plastic bottle, the device detector can identify the contents detect.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       To detectは有るか無いかの判断ですから、ここではto identifyの識別する、のほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Kansai Airport Introduces an Inspecting Device to Identify Contents in Plastic Bottles in  a Second

 

The Kansai Airport has introduced an automatic inspecting device to identify the contents in a plastic bottle in a second at the security checking counters on July 26. The airport is expecting that the device which uses electromagnetic waves will eliminate congestion at the counters because the inspection time takes only a second. The small device, 30 cm in width and 24 cm in depth and 8 cm in height, irradiates the contents in a plastic bottle with  microwaves, automatically analyzing returning waves and deciding whether the contents   are harmful or not. Flashing a red light and sounding an alarm, the device lets the inspector  know that flammable liquid is in the plastic bottle. A green light says that drinkable water is in the plastic bottle. Even when only one-fifth of the contents is in a plastic bottle, the device  can identify the contents .

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 1 March 11

 

"Kansai International Airport Inspects Plastic Bottles in One Second”

 

On July 26, Kasai International Airport introduced an inspection device to detect possible threat items in a plastic bottle just in one second. The quick detection is expected to shorten the time required to complete carry-on baggage inspections.

 

The device is small, 30 centimeters in width, 24 centimeters in depth and 8 centimeters in height. When a plastic bottle is set, the device emits electromagnetic wave and analyzes the reflected wave. A red lamp turns on with an alarm if the device detects something flammable in the bottle, while a green lamp shows that the bottle contains drinking water. The device can inspect even one-fifth of the contents in a plastic bottle.

 

添削

 

"Kansai International Airport Inspects Plastic Bottles in One Second”

 

On July 26, Kasai International Airport introduced an inspection device to detect possible a potentially threatening substance items in a plastic bottle just in one second. The quick detection is expected to shorten the time required to complete carry-on baggage inspections.

 

The device is small, 30 centimeters in width, 24 centimeters in depth and 8 centimeters in height. When a plastic bottle is set on the device, the device emits electromagnetic waves and analyzes the reflected waves. A red lamp turns on with an alarm if the device detects something flammable in the bottle, while a green lamp shows that the bottle contains just drinking water. The device can inspect a bottle even when only one-fifth of the contents in a plastic bottle is filled with a liquid substance1.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「ペットボトルの五分の一しか溶液が入っていないときでも」の説明はこのほうがはっきりするでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Kansai International Airport Inspects Plastic Bottles in One Second”

 

On July 26, Kasai International Airport introduced an inspection device to detect a potentially threatening substance in a plastic bottle just in one second. The quick detection is expected to shorten the time required to complete carry-on baggage inspections.

 

The device is small, 30 centimeters in width, 24 centimeters in depth and 8 centimeters in height. When a plastic bottle is set on the device, the device emits electromagnetic waves and analyzes the reflected waves. A red lamp turns on with an alarm if the device detects something flammable in the bottle, while a green lamp shows that the bottle contains just drinking water. The device can inspect a bottle even when only one-fifth of the bottle is filled with a liquid substance.

 

読者からの投稿 2(P&C, 29 July 08

 

"Only One Second Check for Content of PET bottle in Kansai Air Port"

 

On July 26, Kansai Air Port introduced a new device for baggage check. The device can judge for only 1 second whether content of PET bottle is dangerous or not. Kansai Air Port thinks that the new device untie congestion at baggage check.

 

The device is small, 30 centimeters in width, 24 centimeters in depth, and 8 centimeters in height. When you put a PET bottle on the device, it emits a electromagnetic wave called microwave to the PET bottle and analyzes reflected wave automatically. The device turn on red lump with warning noise when the content is combustibility. The device turn on green lump when the content is drinking water. Even if the amount of the content is about one-fifth of PET bottle, the device can judge it.

 

添削

 

"Only One Second to Check the for Contents of a PET bottle in at Kansai Air Port"

 

On July 26, Kansai Air Port introduced a new device for a security baggage check. The device can judge for within only 1 one second whether the contents1 of a PET bottle is are dangerous combustible or not. Kansai Air Port thinks that the new device untie can reduce the congestion at the security baggage check.

 

The device is small, 30 centimeters in width, 24 centimeters in depth, and 8 centimeters in height. When you put a PET bottle on the device, it emits a electromagnetic waves called microwaves to the PET bottle and analyzes the reflected electromagnetic waves automatically. The device turns on a red lump with a warning noise when the contents is are combustibilityle. The device turns on a green lump when the contents are is drinking water. Even if the amount of the contents are is about only a one-fifth of the PET bottle, the device can judge it the contents.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。内容が整理されていてわかりやすいです。冠詞の使い方は日本人にとって難解ですね。私の友人たちと英語の話をしていて、もし英文法を変えられるならどうしたいか、という話になりました。もっとも要望の多かったのが、「冠詞無しの英語」でした。冠詞の使用法のコツは私の教科書に書いてありますが、もっと基本的な方法は辞書で名詞が加算名詞か非加算名詞かを調べることです。これで少なくとも冠詞が付くかどうかだけはわかります。その上で定冠詞か不定冠詞かを考えます。

 

1.       contentsはこのような場合は複数名詞で、常に複数で使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Only One Second to Check the Contents of a PET bottle at Kansai Air Port"

 

On July 26, Kansai Air Port introduced a new device for a security baggage check. The device can judge within only one second whether the contents of a PET bottle are combustible or not. Kansai Air Port thinks that the new device can reduce the congestion at the security baggage check.

 

The device is small, 30 centimeters in width, 24 centimeters in depth, and 8 centimeters in height. When you put a PET bottle on the device, it emits electromagnetic waves called microwaves to the PET bottle and analyzes the reflected electromagnetic waves automatically. The device turns on a red lump with a warning noise when the contents are combustible. The device turns on a green lump when the contents are drinking water. Even if the amount of the contents are about only a one-fifth of the PET bottle, the device can judge the contents.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Tomoko22 October 04

 

“Kansai International Airport Inspects a Plastic Bottle in a Second”

 

On July 26, 2004, Kansai International Airport introduced an inspection device, which identifies whether a plastic bottle contains a dangerous object or not in only one second at the time of hand-carried baggage inspections. The airport expects the device to lead to relieving congestion in the inspections.

 

The device is small with dimensions of 30 cm in width, 24 cm in depth and 8 cm in height. When a plastic bottle is placed on the device, it radiates a kind of electromagnetic waves, microwaves and then automatically analyzes the reflected waves. Detecting a flammable substance turns on a red light and sets off an alarm while detecting drinking-water turns on a green light. The device can inspect even a one-fifth-full bottle.

 

添削

 

“Kansai International Airport Inspects a Plastic Bottle in a Second”

 

On July 26, 2004, Kansai International Airport introduced an inspection device, which that can identifyies whether a plastic bottle contains a dangerous object flammable liquid1 or not in only one second. at the time of hand-carried baggage inspections. The airport expects that the device to can reduce lead to relieving congestion in for the inspection of carry-on bagss2.

 

The device is small with dimensions of 30 cm in width, 24 cm in depth and 8 cm in height.3 When a plastic bottle is placed on the device, it the device4 radiates a kind of electromagnetic waves, microwaves and then automatically analyzes the reflected waves from the pet bottle5. Detecting a flammable substance turns on a red light and sets off an alarm while detecting drinking-water a drink6 turns on a green light. The device can even inspect even a one-fifth-full bottle.

 

添削

 

1.       可燃物というのは可燃液体物(例えばガソリン)のことだと思います。

 

2.       ここに移動したほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

3.       幅、奥行き、高さの表現法として便利ですね。

 

4.       この前のところにa plastic bottlethe deviceの二つがあるので、the deviceと繰り返すとわかりやすくなります。

 

5.       この2、3年はよく日本に行っているのですが、ペットボトルが正確に何を指すのかまだわかりません。コンベニで見かけている筈なのですが。上部に吸い口のついたプラスティックの容器のことですか?これには水のほかにジュースなどの入ったものもあるのですか?もしそうなら添削のようにa drink のほうがよいのですが。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Kansai International Airport Inspects a Plastic Bottle in a Second”

 

On July 26, 2004, Kansai International Airport introduced an inspection device that can identify whether a plastic bottle contains flammable liquid or not in only one second. The airport expects that the device can reduce congestion for the inspection of carry-on bags.

 

The device is small with dimensions of 30 cm in width, 24 cm in depth and 8 cm in height. When a plastic bottle is placed on the device, the device radiates microwaves and then automatically analyzes the reflected waves from the pet bottle. Detecting a flammable substance turns on a red light and sets off an alarm while detecting a drink turns on a green light. The device can even inspect a one-fifth-full bottle.

 

 

中級問題 140 「カラスの巣で熊本市が停電」

 

7月27日早朝、熊本市の市役所南側一帯の約三百八十戸が最大五分間、停電した。カラスの接触が原因とみられる。カラスの巣作りによる停電は毎年、数件発生。九州電力は、営巣時期の春先には電柱の巡回など対策に努めているが、撤去してもすぐ巣を作るため「いたちごっこ」と頭を痛めている。県内のカラスの営巣による停電は2002年には停電総数六十六件のうち七件発生。2003年は八十二件のうち七件、本年度は7月26日現在、二十七件のうち四件起きている。

 

読者からの投稿 6(marcie, 19 November 16

 

Craw's Nest caused Blackout in Kumamoto-city 

 

Early morning on July 27th, there was a blackout of maximum 5 minutes in Kumamoto-city. About three hundred and eighty houses in the southern district of the City Hall were impacted. It seemed that a craw touched an electric cable. Every year, craw's nesting has been causing a several blackouts. The Kyushu Denryoku Power Company has been trying to avoid such problems by routine patrols in spring when craws make nests. But it has been a cat-and-mouse game as craws rebuild nests right after nests were taken away. Within Kumamoto-prefecture, seven out of sixty-six blackouts were caused by craw's nesting in 2002. In 2003, seven out of eighty-two cases occurred. This year as of July 26th, four out of twenty-seven cases occurred.

 

添削

 

Craw's Nest Ccaused Blackout in Kumamoto-city City 

 

Early morning on July 27th, there was a blackout of maximum of 5 minutes in Kumamoto-city City. About three hundred and eighty houses in the southern district of the City Hall were affected impacted. It seemed that a craw touched an electric cable. Every year, craw's nesting causes has been causing a several blackouts. The Kyushu Denryoku Power Company has been trying to eliminate avoid such problems by routine patrols in spring when craws make nests. But it has been a cat-and-mouse game as craws rebuild nests right after nests are were taken away. Within Kumamoto-prefecture Prefecture, seven out of sixty-six blackouts were caused by craw's nesting in 2002. In 2003, seven out of eighty-two cases occurred. This year, as of July 26th, four out of twenty-seven cases occurred.

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       毎年のことなので動詞は現在形にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Craw's Nest Caused Blackout in Kumamoto City 

 

Early morning on July 27th, there was a blackout of maximum of 5 minutes in Kumamoto City. About three hundred and eighty houses in the south of the City Hall were affected. It seemed that a craw touched an electric cable. Every year, craw's nesting causes several blackouts. The Kyushu Denryoku Power Company has been trying to eliminate such problems by routine patrols in spring when craws make nests. But it has been a cat-and-mouse game as craws rebuild nests right after nests are taken away. Within Kumamoto Prefecture, seven out of sixty-six blackouts were caused by craw's nesting in 2002. In 2003, seven out of eighty-two cases occurred. This year, as of July 26th, four out of twenty-seven cases occurred.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 2 March 13

 

"Crows Cause Power Failure in Kumamoto City”

 

Early on the morning of July 27, a power failure hit about 380 households to the south of Kumamoto City Hall for a maximum of 5 minutes. The power failure is suspected to have been caused by contact of crows with an electrical wire. Several power failures due to crows’ nesting are reported every year. Kyushu Electric Power Company is busy patrolling their power poles every early spring when crows start their nesting. Nevertheless, the more the company removes their nest, the more crows build new nests. The game of cat and mouse continues, giving the company a real pain in the neck. Crows caused 7 out of 66 power outages in the city in 2002, followed by 7 out of 82 in 2003, and 4 out of 27 as of July 27 this year.

 

添削

 

"Crows Cause Power Failure in Kumamoto City”

 

Early on the morning of July 27, a power failure hit about 380 households in the area to the south of Kumamoto City Hall for the a maximum of 5 minutes. The power failure is was suspected to have been caused by the contact of a crows with an electrical wire. Several power failures due to crows’ nesting are reported every year. Kyushu Electric Power Company is busy patrolling their power poles every year in the early spring when crows start their nesting. Nevertheless, the more the company removes their nests, the more crows build new nests. The game of cat and mouse continues, giving the company a real pain in the neck. Crows caused 7 out of 66 power outages in the city in 2002, followed by 7 out of 82 in 2003, and 4 out of 27 as of July 27 this year.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Crows Cause Power Failure in Kumamoto City”

 

Early on the morning of July 27, a power failure hit about 380 households in the area to the south of Kumamoto City Hall for the maximum of 5 minutes. The power failure was suspected to have been caused by the contact of a crow with an electrical wire. Several power failures due to crows’ nesting are reported every year. Kyushu Electric Power Company is busy patrolling their power poles every year in the early spring when crows start their nesting. Nevertheless, the more the company removes their nests, the more crows build new nests. The game of cat and mouse continues, giving the company a real pain in the neck. Crows caused 7 out of 66 power outages in the city in 2002, followed by 7 out of 82 in 2003, and 4 out of 27 as of July 27 this year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 20 Aug 11

 

Crows cause blackout in Kumamoto City

 

In the early morning of July 27, the blackout took place for up to five minutes in the area south of the Kumamoto City Office, affecting about 380 households. This is because when a crow touched an electric wire. The blackout caused by the nesting of crows occurs several times every years. Kyushu Electric Power Co. is trying to patrol the electric poles in every early spring when crows start nesting, but crows build their nests on the poles soon again after the company removes their nests. The company is struggling this vicious circle. The amount of the blackout caused by the nesting of crows in Kumamoto City was seven out of sixty-six in 2002, seven out of eighty-two in 2003 and four out of twenty-seven as of July 26 of this year.

 

添削

 

Crows cause blackouts in Kumamoto City

 

In the early morning of July 27, the a blackout took place for up to five minutes in the area south of the Kumamoto City Hall Office, affecting about 380 households. The blackout happened This is because when a crow touched an electric wire. The blackout caused by the nesting of crows occurs several times every years. Kyushu Electric Power Co. is trying to patrol the electric poles in every early spring when crows start nesting, but crows build their nests on the poles soon again after the company removes their nests. The company is struggling to cope with this vicious circle. Crows caused1 The amount of the blackout caused by the nesting of crows in Kumamoto City was seven out of sixty-six blackouts in Kumanoto City in 2002, seven out of eighty-two in 2003 and four out of twenty-seven as of July 26 of this year.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       主語をカラスにすると文が簡単になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Crows cause blackouts in Kumamoto City

 

In the early morning of July 27, a blackout took place for up to five minutes in the area south of the Kumamoto City Hall, affecting about 380 households. The blackout happened when a crow touched an electric wire. The blackout caused by the nesting of crows occurs several times every year. Kyushu Electric Power Co. is trying to patrol the electric poles every early spring when crows start nesting, but crows build their nests on the poles soon after the company removes their nests. The company is struggling to cope with this vicious circle. Crows caused seven out of sixty-six blackouts in Kumanoto City in 2002, seven out of eighty-two in 2003 and four out of twenty-seven as of July 26 of this year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 1 March 11

 

"Nesting Crows Cause Power Failure in Kumamoto City”

 

In the early morning of July 27, a power failure occurred around the areas south of the City Hall in Kumamoto City, affecting 380 households without power for up to five minutes. This was apparently caused when a crow hit electric wires.

 

Power failure blamed on crow’s nesting occurs several times every year. Kyushu Electric Power Corp. removes crow’s nests in early spring when they build a nest on electric poles. Crows, however, build a new nest shortly after the removal.

 

In Kagoshima Prefecture, crow’s nesting caused seven out of sixty-six power failures in 2002 and seven out of eighty-eight in 2003 and so far has caused four out of twenty-seven as of July 26, this year.

 

添削

 

"Nesting Crows Cause Power Failure in Kumamoto City”

 

In the early morning of July 27, a power failure occurred around the areas south of the City Hall in Kumamoto City, affecting 380 households without power for up to five minutes. This was apparently caused when a crow hit an electric wires.

 

Power failures blamed on crows nesting1 occurs several times every year. Kyushu Electric Power Corp. removes crows nests in early spring when they build a nests on electric poles. Crows, however, build a new nests shortly after their old nests are removed removal2.

 

In Kagoshima Prefecture, crows nesting caused seven out of sixty-six power failures in 2002 and seven out of eighty-eight in 2003 and so far has caused four out of twenty-seven as of July 26, this year.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       まだカラスの巣については何も言っていないので、ここはカラスだけにします。

 

2.       句より節のほうが文のリズムがよくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Nesting Crows Cause Power Failure in Kumamoto City”

 

In the early morning of July 27, a power failure occurred around the areas south of the City Hall in Kumamoto City, affecting 380 households for up to five minutes. This was apparently caused when a crow hit an electric wire.

 

Power failures blamed on crows occur several times every year. Kyushu Electric Power Corp. removes crows’ nests in early spring when they build nests on electric poles. Crows, however, build new nests shortly after their old nests are removed.

 

In Kagoshima Prefecture, crows caused seven out of sixty-six power failures in 2002 and seven out of eighty-eight in 2003 and has caused four out of twenty-seven as of July 26, this year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(P&C, 11 Aug 08

 

"Crow's Nests Caused Power Breaks in Kumamoto City"

 

On July 27 in early morning, power break occurred for max five minutes at about 380 doors in the south area of the Kumamoto City Hall. It is supposed that cause of the power break is touches of crows to electric wires. Some power breaks due to nesting of crows occurred every year. Kyushu Power Company has been patrolling utility poles to prevent power break in early spring when crows built their nests. But Kyusyu Power Company removed crow's nests and crows built another nests soon. Kyusyu Power Company is worried about vicious circle with crows. In Kumamoto Prefecture, in a total of 66 power breaks, seven breaks was due to crow's nestlings in 2002. Similarly, in a total of 82, seven in 2003. In a total of 27, four in 2004 as of July 27.

 

添削

 

"Crow's Nests Caused Power Breaks in Kumamoto City"

 

On July 27 iIn the early morning of July 27, a power break occurred for the maximum duration of five minutes for at about 380 houses doors in the south area south of the Kumamoto City Hall. It is supposed that cause of tThe power break appeared to have been caused when is touches of a crows touched to an electric wires. Some power breaks due to the nesting of crows occurred every year. Kyushu Power Company has been1patrollsing utility poles to prevent a power break in the early spring when crows built their nests. But as they Kyusyu Power Company removed crow's nests, and crows built another new nests soon. Kyusyu Power Company is worried about vicious circle with crows.2 In Kumamoto Prefecture, out of the in a total of 66 power breaks, seven breaks were was due to crow's nestlings in 2002. Similarly, in a total seven out of 82, seven in 2003,.and In a total four out of 27, four in 2004 as of July 27 were due to crow’s nettings.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       毎年カラスの巣作りのシーズンにはパトロールする、ということなので現在形がよいでしょう。

 

2.       前の文に内容が書いてあるので、この文はいらないでしょう。a vicious circleは物事が悪いほうへ悪いほうへと向かってしまうことなので、ここではThey play a game of cat-and-mouse. 電力会社とカラスが追いかけっこをする、というようになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Crow's Nests Caused Power Breaks in Kumamoto City"

 

In the early morning of July 27, a power break occurred for the maximum duration of five minutes for about 380 houses in the area south of the Kumamoto City Hall. The power break appeared to have been caused when a crow touched an electric wire. Some power breaks due to the nesting of crows occur every year. Kyushu Power Company patrols utility poles to prevent a power break in the early spring when crows built their nests. But as they remove crow's nests, crows built new nests soon. In Kumamoto Prefecture, out of the total of 66 power breaks, seven breaks were due to crow's nestlings in 2002. Similarly, seven out of 82 in 2003, and four out of 27 in 2004 as of July 27 were due to crow’s nettings.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Prim, 27 January 05

 

“Crows Cause Black-Outs in Kumamoto City”

 

In the early morning of July 27, a black-out happened for 380 houses in the south side of the City Hall in Kumamoto City as long as 15 minutes. It was believed that crows caused the black-out. Every year, a black-out happens a few times during the period when crows build nests in early spring. Kyusyu Electrics patrols the city and removes crow nests from electric posts. But crows rebuild nests as soon as they are removed. Seven out of sixty-six black-outs in 2002, seven out of eighty-two in 2003, and four out of twenty-seven so far in 2004 were caused by crows.

 

添削

 

"Crows Cause Black-Outs in Kumamoto City"

 

In On the early morning of July 27twenty seventh, a fifteen minute black-out happened for 380 houses in on the south side of the City Hall in Kumamoto City as long as 15 minutes. It was believed that crows caused the black-out. Every year, a black-outs happens a few times in early spring during the period when crows buildare building their nests1. nests in early spring. Kyusyu Electrics patrols the city and removes crow nests from electric posts. But However, crows rebuild the nests as soon as they are removed2. Seven out of sixty-six black-outs in 2002, seven out of eighty-two in 2003, and so far3, four out of twenty-seven so far in 2004 were caused by crows.

 

コメント

 

1.       「営巣時期の春先に停電が起こる」は、「春先に停電が起こる」を先ず表現し、「春先」の説明を次にするとやさしくなります。

 

2.       日本文には「いたちごっこ」とありますが、この文で説明できているので「いたちごっこ」自体の説明はいらないですね。

 

3.       文の前の部分に in 2002, in 2003とあるので、2004年についてはso farと最後の節の最初に持ってくると対比がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

"Crows Cause Black-Outs in Kumamoto City"

 

On the early morning of July twenty seventh, a fifteen minute black-out happened for 380 houses on the south side of the City Hall in Kumamoto City. It was believed that crows caused the black-out. Every year, black-outs happen a few times in early spring when crows are building their nests. Kyusyu Electrics patrols the city and removes crow nests from electric posts. However, crows rebuild the nests as soon as they are removed. Seven out of sixty-six black-outs in 2002, seven out of eighty-two in 2003, and so far, four out of twenty-seven in 2004 were caused by crows.

 

 

中級問題 141「コンベニが1週間限定で映画を発売

 

総合商社の双日は7月27日、1週間に限って視聴できる映画やアニメーションのDVDソフトを、525円で発売すると発表した。来月4日から関東地方1都6県と山梨県内のコンビニ「am/pm」の一部店舗で販売。将来はガソリンスタンドや書店でも扱うようにし、2007年度で30億円の売り上げを目指す。購入後、電子メールを使って取得したパスワードをDVD再生機で入力すると1週間視聴できる。315円払えば、さらに1週間延長できる。

 

読者からの投稿 6(marcie, 23 November 16

 

"Convenient Store Sells Movie Valid for One-week" 

 

On July 27th, the trading company Sojitsu announced it would sell a DVD software that provided access to a movie or an animation for limited one-week. The cost will be 525 yen. Starting 4th of next month, several "am/pm" convenient stores in Tokyo, six Kanto area prefectures and Yamanashi-ken will sell the software. The Sojitsu hopes that, in future, gas stations and book stores will sell the software. It aims sales of 3,000,000,000 yen in the fiscal year 2007. Once you purchase it, you will receive e-mail with a password. Then, you enter a password to a DVD player. You can watch a movie for one week. The valid period can be extended to another week by paying an additional 315 yen

 

添削

 

"Convenient Stores Sells Movies Valid for One-week" 

 

On July 27th, the trading company Sojitsu announced it would sell a DVD software that provided access to a movie or an animation for a limited period of one-week. The cost will be 525 yen. Starting 4th of the next month, several "am/pm" convenient stores in Tokyo, six Kanto area pPrefectures and Yamanashi-ken Prefecture will start selling the software. The Sojitsu hopes that, in future, gas stations and book stores will sell the software as well. It The company aims at sales of 3,000,000,000 yen in the fiscal year 2007. Once you purchase it, you will receive e-mail with a password. Then, you enter a password to a DVD player. You can watch a movie for one week. The valid period can be extended to another week by paying an additional 315 yen

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかりますが、このDVDソフトなるものが、実際にどんなものなのか、この日本文だけではわかりませんね。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Convenient Stores Sell Movies Valid for One-week" 

 

On July 27th, the trading company Sojitsu announced it would sell a DVD software that provided access to a movie or an animation for a limited period of one-week. The cost will be 525 yen. Starting 4th of the next month, several "am/pm" convenient stores in Tokyo, six Kanto Prefectures and Yamanashi Prefecture will start selling the software.  Sojitsu hopes that, in future, gas stations and book stores will sell the software as well. The company aims at sales of 3,000,000,000 yen in the fiscal year 2007. Once you purchase it, you will receive e-mail with a password. Then, you enter a password to a DVD player. You can watch a movie for one week. The valid period can be extended to another week by paying an additional 315 yen

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 16 March 13

 

"Convenience Stores to Sell DVDs Valid One Week Only”

 

Sojitz Corporation, a major general trading company, announced on July 27 that it would launch new DVD software that allows the purchasers to watch movies and animation for up to a week at 525 Yen. The software will be put on sale at some of “am/pm” convenience stores in the Kanto area and Yamanashi Prefecture on August 4. The company aims to attain 3 billion Yen sales in 2007 by expanding its distribution channels to include gas stations and book stores. You input into a DVD player a password you got via e-mail upon acquisition of the software, and you can enjoy movies and animation over one week period. You can use the software for another week at an extra cost of 315 Ye

 

添削

 

"Convenience Stores to Sell DVDs Valid One Week Only”

 

Sojitz Corporation, a major general trading company, announced on July 27 that it would launch new DVDs software that allows the purchasers to watch movies and animations1 for up to a week at 525 Yen. The DVDs software will be put on sale at some of “am/pm” convenience stores in the Kanto area and Yamanashi Prefecture on August 4. The company aims to make attain 3 billion Yen sales in 2007 by expanding its distribution channels to include gas stations and book stores. You input into a DVD player a password you get got via e-mail upon acquisition of the software, and you can watch enjoy movies and animations over one week period. You can use the DVD software for another week at an extra cost of 315 Yen.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       アニメ映画は可算名詞になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Convenience Stores Sell DVDs Valid One Week Only”

 

Sojitz Corporation, a major general trading company, announced on July 27 that it would launch new DVDs that allow the purchasers to watch movies and animations for up to a week at 525 Yen. The DVDs will be put on sale at some of “am/pm” convenience stores in the Kanto area and Yamanashi Prefecture on August 4. The company aims to make 3 billion Yen sales in 2007 by expanding its distribution channels to gas stations and book stores. You input into a DVD player a password you get via e-mail and you can watch movies and animations over one week period. You can use the DVD for another week at an extra cost of 315 Yen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4( Lucca, 22 August 11

 

Convenience Stores Sale Movie and Anime DVDs for a Limited Period 

 

The Sojitz Corporation, a general trade company, announced on July 27 that  they would start to sale movie and anime DVDs at convenience stores at 525  yen. The DVDs will be appeared at am/pm convenience stores in the Kanto  region and some its shops in Yamanashi Prefecture from August 4. They are planing  to sale the DVDs in gas stands and bookstores, aiming at 3 billion yen  sales in fiscal year 2007. A purchaser can play back a DVD anytime for a week  after getting a password by e-mail. One more week extension is possible when a  purchaser pays an additional 315yen.

 

添削

 

Convenience Stores Sale Sell Movie and Anime DVDs Playable for a Limited Period 

 

The Sojitz Corporation, a general tradeing company, announced on July 27 that they would start selling to sale movie and anime DVDs at convenience stores at 525 yen. A purchaser can play back a DVD anytime for a week after getting a password by e-mail. One more week extension is possible when a purchaser pays an additional 315yen.1 The DVDs will be sold appeared at am/pm AM/PM convenience stores in the Kanto region and some its shops in Yamanashi Prefecture from August 4. They are planning planing to sale sell the DVDs in gas stands and bookstores as well, aiming at 3 three billion yen sales in the 2007 fiscal year 2007. A purchaser can play back a DVD anytime for a week after getting a password by e-mail. One more week extension is possible when a purchaser pays an additional 315yen.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       特別なDVDであることを文章の最初のほうに置くと内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Convenience Stores Sell DVDs Playable for a Limited Period 

 

Sojitz Corporation, a general trading company, announced on July 27 that they would start selling movie and anime DVDs at convenience stores at 525 yen. A purchaser can play back a DVD anytime for a week after getting a password by e-mail. One more week extension is possible when a purchaser pays an additional 315yen.The DVDs will be sold at AM/PM convenience stores in the Kanto region and some its shops in Yamanashi Prefecture from August 4. They are planning to sell the DVDs in gas stands and bookstores as well, aiming at three billion yen sales in the 2007 fiscal year .

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 12 May 11

 

"DVDs with One Week Set Viewing will be Available at Convenience Stores”

 

Sojitz Corporation, a major trading house, announced on July 27 that it would begin to sell film and anime DVDs at 525 yen. The DVDs will be available from August 4 at “ampm” convenience stores in the Kanto region and some areas of Yamanashi Prefecture. The viewing period is set for one week after purchasers first use a password sent via email to watch the DVDs. The period can be extended for another week by paying an additional charge of 315 yen. Sojitz plans to expand its sales channels including a gas station and a bookstore, aiming at sales of 3 billion yen in the fiscal 2007 year.

 

添削

 

"DVDs withGood Only for One Week Set Viewing will be Available at Convenience Stores”

 

Sojitz1 Corporation, a major trading house, announced on July 27 that it would begin to sell film movie and anime DVDs at a cheap price of 2 525 yen . The DVDs will be available from on August 4 at am/pm convenience stores in the Kanto region and some areas of Yamanashi Prefecture. The viewing period for these DVDS is, however, set for one week after purchasers first use a password sent to them via email to watch the DVDs. The period can be extended for another week by paying an additional charge of 315 yen. Sojitz plans to expand its sales channels places including a gas stations and a bookstores, aiming at sales of 3 billion yen in the 2007 fiscal 2007 year.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       双日の英語名はSojitzなのですね。Sojitsuと表記するとtsuのところを英語人はツーと伸ばして発音してしまいます。双日を日本語で発音するときはソウジツのツのところは英語のtzの発音になりますね。

 

2.       「1週間に限って視聴できる」というところがこのDVDの特徴なので、英文の中で強調したいので、文章のどこでこのことを表現するかが問題ですね。投稿では見出しで既にこのことが入っているので、文章では安価であること、しかし一週間しか見られない、というように強調しました。

 

添削後の文章

 

"DVDs Good Only for One Week Viewing will be Available at Convenience Stores”

 

Sojitz Corporation, a major trading house, announced on July 27 that it would begin to sell movie and anime DVDs at a cheap price of  525 yen on August 4 at am/pm convenience stores in the Kanto region and some areas of Yamanashi Prefecture. The viewing period for these DVDS is, however, set for one week after purchasers first use a password sent to them via email to watch the DVDs. The period can be extended for another week by paying an additional charge of 315 yen. Sojitz plans to expand its sales places including gas stations and bookstores, aiming at sales of 3 billion yen in the 2007 fiscal year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(P&C, 20 Aug 08

 

"Convenience Store Sell Cinemas Which Can Enjoy Us for limited One Week"

 

On July 27, a general trading company Sojitsu announced that he would sell DVD software of cinemas and animations, which can be played back for limited one week, by 525 yens. Sojitsu will sell the DVD softwares at part of convenience stores "am/pm" in Tokyo, six prefectures of Kanto area and Yamanashi prefecture from August 4. Sojitsu is planning a selling of the DVD softwares at service stations and bookstores and projects three billion yens sales in 2007 financial year. One who bought the DVD softwares take password by e-mail , enter the password into DVD player and enjoy the DVD for one week. If he pay another 315 yens, he can enjoy it for additional one week.

 

添削

 

"Convenience Stores Sell Cinemas DVDs Wwhich You Ccan Watch Enjoy Us for limited Just for One Week"

 

On July 27, a general trading company Sojitsu announced that he it1 would start selling cinema and animation DVDs at 525 yen a piece software of cinemas and animations, which could can be played back only for limited one week, by 525 yens. Sojitsu will on August 4 sell the DVD softwares at part of convenience stores at "am/pm" convenience stores in Tokyo, six prefectures of in the Kanto region area and some parts of Yamanashi pPrefecture from August 4. Sojitsu is planning to sell a selling of those the DVDs softwares at gas service stations and bookstores in the future and projects the total sales of three billion yens sales in the 2007 financial year.

 

You2 buy One who bought the a DVD at a convenience store, softwares take receive its password by e-mail , enter the password into a DVD player and enjoy the DVD for one week. If you he pay another 315 yens, you he can enjoy it for an additional one week.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが 、見出しのConvenience Store Sell Cinemas Which Can Enjoy Us for limited One Weekがわかりません。関係代名詞がcinemasですから不思議な文になりますね。

 

1.       会社の代名詞はit, theyを使うのが一般的です。ここではthe companyとするともっとはっきりするでしょう。

 

2.       you, weを使うのが一般的です。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Convenience Stores Sell Cinema DVDs which You can Watch Just for One Week"

 

On July 27, a general trading company Sojitsu announced that it would start selling cinema and animation DVDs at 525 yen a piece which could be played back only for one week on August 4 at "am/pm" convenience stores in the Kanto region and some parts of Yamanashi Prefecture. Sojitsu is planning to sell those DVDs at gas stations and bookstores in the future and projects the total sales of three billion yens in the 2007 financial year.

 

You buy a DVD at a convenience store, receive its password by e-mail, enter the password into a DVD player and enjoy the DVD for one week. If you pay another 315 yens, you can enjoy it for an additional one week.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Prim, 27 January 05

 

“Convenience Stores Start Selling Time-Limited DVD Movies”

 

On July 27, Soujitsu, a general trading company, announced that it would start selling DVD movies and animations at 525 yen each at all AM/PM convenience stores in the Kanto region and some convenience stores in Yamanashi Prefecture on August 4. Customers receive a pass word after they purchase a DVD and can play it for a week. They can watch the DVD for another week by paying additional 315 yen. Soujitsu is planning to extend retail outlets to gasoline stands and book stores in the future and hopes to make gross sales of three billion yen a year in 2007.

 

添削

 

"Convenience Stores Start Selling Time-Limited DVD Movies"

 

On July 27twenty seventh, Soujitsu, a general trading company, announced that it would start selling DVD movies and animations at 525 yen each at all AM/PM convenience stores in the Kanto region and some convenience stores in Yamanashi Prefecture on beginning August fourth. Customers receive a pass wordpassword by e-mail after they purchase a DVD and can play it for a week. They can watch the DVD for another week by paying an additional 315 yen. Soujitsu is planning to extend retail outlets to gasoline stands and book stores in the future and hopes to make gross sales of three billion yen a year in 2007.1

 

コメント

 

1.       この部分は日本文では文章の中ほどにありますが、Primさんのように「電子メールを使って〜」を先にしたほうが内容がよくわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July twenty seventh, Soujitsu, a general trading company, announced that it would start selling DVD movies and animations at 525 yen each at all AM/PM convenience stores in the Kanto region and some convenience stores in Yamanashi Prefecture beginning August fourth. Customers receive a password by e-mail after they purchase a DVD and can play it for a week. They can watch the DVD for another week by paying an additional 315 yen. Soujitsu is planning to extend retail outlets to gasoline stands and book stores in the future and hopes to make gross sales of three billion yen a year in 2007.

 

 

中級問題 142「豪雨被災世帯に2万円分配」

 

豪雨への見舞いとして2億円の宝くじの当たり券を匿名で贈られた福井県は被災した約1万4500世帯に2万円ずつ配る方針を固め、西川知事が7月26日午前、県議会に説明した。被災住宅は、全半壊のほか床上、床下浸水を含め計1万4479世帯。各世帯に2万円ずつ分配すると、約2億9000万円が必要だが、不足分は当たり券とは別に全国から贈られた義援金計約8920万円を充てる予定。

 

読者からの投稿 6(marcie, 23 November 16

 

20,000 Yen for Rain Storm Victims 

 

An anonymous person donated a winning lottery tickets of 200,000,000 yen to Fukui-prefecture as a relief money for the victims of the heavy rain storm. In the morning of July 26th, at the prefectural assembly, the governor Nishikawa announced that the prefecture decided to distribute 20, 000 yen each to 14,500 households that suffered from the rain storm. There was the total of 14,479 houses that had completely collapsed, half collapsed, flooded above floor level or flooded below floor level. It requires about 290,000,000 yen to distribute 20,000 yen to each household. The shortage of about 89,200,000 yen will be covered by other donations received from people all over Japan.

 

添削

 

20,000 Yen for Each Rain Storm Victims 

 

An anonymous person donated a winning lottery tickets of 200,000,000 yen to Fukui-pPrefecture as a relief money for the victims of the heavy rain storm. In On the morning of July 26th, at the prefectural assembly, the governor, Mr Nishikawa1, announced that the prefecture decided to distribute 20, 000 yen each to 14,500 households that suffered from the rain storm. There was the total of 14,479 houses that had either completely collapsed, half collapsed, or were flooded above the floor level or flooded below the floor level. The prefecture It requires about 290,000,000 yen to distribute 20,000 yen to each household. The shortage of about 89,200,000 yen will be covered by other donations received from people all over Japan.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       Governor Nishikawa saidThe governor, Mr. Nishikawa, said という二つの言い方があます。

 

添削後の文章

 

20,000 Yen for Each Rain Storm Victim 

 

An anonymous person donated a winning lottery ticket of 200,000,000 yen to Fukui Prefecture as a relief money for the victims of the heavy rain storm. On the morning of July 26th, at the prefectural assembly, the governor, Mr Nishikawa, announced that the prefecture decided to distribute 20, 000 yen each to 14,500 households that suffered from the rain storm. There was the total of 14,479 houses that had either completely collapsed, half collapsed, or were flooded above the floor level or flooded below the floor level. The prefecture requires about 290,000,000 yen to distribute 20,000 yen to each household. The shortage of about 89,200,000 yen will be covered by other donations received from people all over Japan.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxomi, 16 March 13

 

"Heavy Rain Victims in Fukui Prefecture Given 20,000 yen Each”

 

On the morning of July 26, Mr. Nishikawa, the governor of Fukui Prefecture told the prefectural assembly how the prefecture would use a 200 million yen lottery ticket donated by an anonymous person. The prefecture will give 20,000 yen to about 14,500 households affected by the heavy rains as disaster relief. The affected households totaled 14,479 including totally/partially destroyed or inundated above/below floor level. About 89 million yen of other donations from across the nation will be used to cover up the shortfall.

 

添削

 

"Heavy Rain Victims in Fukui Prefecture Given 20,000 yen Each”

 

On the morning of July 26, Mr. Nishikawa, the governor of Fukui Prefecture told the prefectural assembly how the prefecture would use a 200 million yen lottery ticket donated by an anonymous person. The prefecture will give 20,000 yen each to about 14,500 households affected by the heavy rains as disaster relief. The affected households houses totaled 14,479 including totally/partially destroyed or inundated above/below the floor level. About 89 million yen of other donations from across the nation will be used to cover up the shortfall.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Heavy Rain Victims in Fukui Prefecture Given 20,000 yen Each”

 

On the morning of July 26, Mr. Nishikawa, the governor of Fukui Prefecture told the prefectural assembly how the prefecture would use a 200 million yen lottery ticket donated by an anonymous person. The prefecture will give 20,000 yen each to about 14,500 households affected by the heavy rains as disaster relief. The affected houses totaled 14,479 including totally/partially destroyed or inundated above/below the floor level. About 89 million yen of other donations from across the nation will be used to cover up the shortfall.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 26 August 11

 

20,000 yen Is Distributed to Households Damaged by Heavy Rain in Fukui Prefecture

 

Fukui Prefecture decided to distribute 20,000 yen per household to about 14,500 houses damaged by heavy rain, utilizing a 200 million yen lottery ticket donated by an anonymous person as a special payment for disaster relief to the full, Mr. Nishikawa, the governor of Fukui Prefecture, announced in the prefectural assembly on the morning of July 26.  The prefecture needs 290 million yen for 14,479 households, fully or partially destroyed and inundated above and under floor, when they distribute 20,000 yen to each household, intending to use 89.2 million yen in donations from all over Japan due to covering the shortage except the lottery ticket.

 

添削

 

20,000 yen Is Distributed to Households Damaged by Heavy Rain in Fukui Prefecture

 

Mr. Nishikawa, the governor of Fukui Prefecture told the prefectural assembly on the morning of July 261 that the prefecture had decided to distribute 20,000 yen per household to about 14,500 houses households whose houses were damaged by the heavy rains the other day, utilizing a 200 million yen lottery ticket donated by an anonymous person as a special payment gift to for the disaster relief to the full, Mr. Nishikawa, the governor of Fukui Prefecture, announced in the prefectural assembly on the morning of July 26.  The prefecture, however,  needs a total of 290 million yen to distribute 20,000 each to all of for 14,479 households, whose houses were fully or partially destroyed and inundated or flooded above or and under the floor., when they distribute 20,000 yen to each household, The lottery ticket alone is not enough2 and the prefecture intends to intending to use 89.2 million yen in donations donated by people from all over Japan due to covering cover the shortage except the lottery ticket.

 

コメント

 

内容の大部分はわかりますが、わかり難いところがあります。

 

1.       「誰がいつ、どこで」ということを文頭においた方が読みやすいでしょう。

 

2.       こんは補足説明をいれるとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

20,000 yen Is Distributed to Households Damaged by Heavy Rain in Fukui Prefecture

 

Mr. Nishikawa, the governor of Fukui Prefecture told the prefectural assembly on the morning of July 26 that the prefecture had decided to distribute 20,000 yen per household to about 14,500 households whose houses were damaged by the heavy rains the other day, utilizing a 200 million yen lottery ticket donated by an anonymous person as a special gift to  the disaster relief. The prefecture, however, needs a total of 290 million yen to distribute 20,000 each to all of 14,479 households whose houses were fully or partially destroyed, or flooded above or under the floor. The lottery ticket alone is not enough and the prefecture intends to use 89.2 million yen donated by people all over Japan to cover the shortage .

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 13 May 11

 

Fukui Prefecture has decided to provide 20,000 yen to each of some 14,500 households that have suffered serious damage from torrential rains, making use of a 200-million-yen lottery prize donated by an anonymous winner. Governor Nishikawa of the prefecture explained this decision to the assembly on the morning of July 26.

 

The prefecture also plans to use about 89 million yen of other donations from the country to make up for the total funds of 290 million yen. The funds will be provided to the 14,479 households whose houses were completely or partially destructed or flooded above or below floor level.

 

添削

 

Fukui Prefecture Distributes Donations to the Victims of Torrential Rains1

 

Fukui Prefecture has decided to provide give 20,000 yen to each of some 14,500 households that have suffered serious damage from by the2 torrential rains, making use of a 200-million-yen lottery prize donated by an anonymous winner. Governor Nishikawa of the prefecture explained this decision to the prefectural assembly on the morning of July 26.

 

The prefecture also plans to use about 89 million yen of other donations from the country to make up for the total funds of 290 million yen. The funds will be used to give money provided to the 14,479 households whose houses were completely or partially destroyed destructed or flooded above or below the floor level.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。

 

1.       見出しも入れてください。

 

2.       集中豪雨は文章に初出ですが、ある特定の集中豪雨で読者は知っていると想定されていますから定冠詞を付けます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Fukui Prefecture Distributes Donations to the Victims of Torrential Rains

 

Fukui Prefecture has decided to give 20,000 yen to each of some 14,500 households that have suffered serious damage by the torrential rains, making use of a 200-million-yen lottery prize donated by an anonymous winner. Governor Nishikawa of the prefecture explained this decision to the prefectural assembly on the morning of July 26.

 

The prefecture also plans to use about 89 million yen of other donations to make up for the total fund of 290 million yen. The fund will be used to give money to the 14,479 households whose houses were completely or partially destroyed or flooded above or below the floor level.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(P&C, 24 August 08

 

"20,000 Yens Distribution to the Heavy Rain Victim Homes"

 

Fukui Prefecture was gifted a lottery prize of 200 million yens for aid to heavy rain victims anonymously. So the Fukui Governor Mr. Nishikawa explained in the prefecture council that the prefecture would distribute 20,000 yens to each of about 14,500 victim homes. Houses which were completely or half destroyed and were flooded under or over the floor amounted 14,479. When the Prefecture distribute 20,000 yens to each home, it needs about 290 million yens. And it will compensate the shortage with about 89.2 million yens purse , except the lottery prize, which was gifted from everywhere of Japan.

 

添削

 

"Fukui Government1 Gives 20,000 Yens to Each Household who Suffered Damages from  Distribution to the Heavy Rains Victim Homes"

 

Fukui Prefecture received was gifted a lottery prize of 200 million yens from an anonymous donor to help for aid to heavy rain the victims of heavy rains anonymously. So the Fukui Governor Mr. Nishikawa, governor of the prefecture, explained in the prefecture council on the morning of July 26 that the prefecture would distribute 20,000 yens to each of about 14,500 victim homes households. In the prefecture, the heavy rains2 Houses which were completely or half destroyed or and were flooded under or over the floor amounted 14,479 houses. When the Pprefecture distributes 20,000 yens to all 14,479 households each home, it will needs about 290 million yens. The prefecture has decided to cover And it will compensate the shortage of with about 89.2 90.0 million yens mostly by 89.23 million that the prefecture had received form other donors in all over Japan  purse , except the lottery prize, which was gifted from everywhere of Japan.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますがAnd it will compensate the shortage with about 89.2 million yens purse , except the lottery prize, which was gifted from everywhere of Japanの下線部分がよくわかりません。

 

1.       少し長くなりますが、「誰が何をどうした。」が英語思考の基本形ですから、この情報が入るように工夫します。

 

2.       豪雨を主語にすると能動態のわかりやすい文になります。

 

3.       不足分が9000万円で義捐金が8920万円だということを文章に入れる必要があるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Fukui Government Gives 20,000 Yen to Each Household who Suffered Damages from   Heavy Rains "

 

Fukui Prefecture received a lottery prize of 200 million yen from an anonymous donor to help the victims of heavy rains. Mr. Nishikawa, governor of the prefecture, explained in the prefecture council on the morning of July 26 that the prefecture would distribute 20,000 yen to each of about 14,500 victim households. In the prefecture, the heavy rains completely or half destroyed or flooded under or over the floor 14,479 houses. When the prefecture distributes 20,000 yen to all 14,479 households, it will need about 290 million yen. The prefecture has decided to cover the shortage of 90.0 million yen mostly by 89.2 million that the prefecture had received form other donors in all over Japan .

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NOMU9 September 04

 

"Twenty Thousand Yen Will Be Distributed to Every Household Afflicted by Torrential Rain"

 

After damaged by torrential rain, Fukui Prefecture received a winning ticket of a public lottery worth 200million yen from an anonymous donor. The governor Nishikawa announced  at the prefectural assembly on July 26 that they decided to distribute 20000yen to every 14500 afflicted household. The damaged houses amount to 14479, which includes patially or totally collapsed ones or the ones flooded above or below the floorboads. Distributing 20000yen  to each affected household will comes to 290million yen. The shortage of 8,92million yen will be filled with donation sent from all over Japan.

 

添削

 

"Twenty Thousand Yen Will Be Distributed to Every Household Afflicted Damaged by Torrential Rains in Fukui Prefecture1"

 

After the recent torrential rains caused a great amount of damage in Fukui Prefecture2, damaged by torrential rain, Fukui Prefecture the prefecture received a winning ticket of a public lottery worth 200 million yen from an anonymous donor. The governor. Governor Nishikawa announced at the prefectural assembly on July 26 that they the Government of Fukui3 had decided to distribute 20,000 yen each to every all of14,500 afflicted households damaged by the torrential rains. The damaged houses amounted to 14,479, which includeds patially partially or totally collapsed ones or and the ones flooded above or below the floor boads boards. Since4 the Ddistributing 20,000 yen to all affected households will comes to cost 290 million yen., the Government of Fukui5 is going to fill the shortage of 8,92 million yen will be filled with other donations sent from all over Japan.

 

コメント

 

1.       見出しに福井県と入れたほうが具体的になってよいでしょう。

 

2.       少し長めに説明を入れたほうが、文の後半の内容が良くわかるようになります。

 

3.       主節の主語が西川知事になっているので、theyとすると誰をさすか曖昧になります。

 

4.       従属節を使ったほうが、因果関係がはっきりします。

 

5.       主節の主語は動作の主体である福井県にすると内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Twenty Thousand Yen Will Be Distributed to Every Household Damaged by Torrential Rains in Fukui Prefecture1"

 

After the recent torrential rains caused a great amount of damage in Fukui Prefecture, the prefecture received a winning ticket of a public lottery worth 200 million yen from an anonymous donor. Governor Nishikawa announced at the prefectural assembly on July 26 that the Government of Fukui had decided to distribute 20,000 yen each to all of14,500 households damaged by the torrential rains. The damaged houses amounted to 14,479, which included  partially or totally collapsed ones and the ones flooded above or below the floor boards. Since the distributing 20,000 yen to all affected households will cost 290 million yen, the Government of Fukui is going to fill the shortage of 8,92 million yen with other donations sent from all over Japan.

 

 

中級問題 143「国が避難勧告のマニュアルを策定

 

新潟と福島、福井各県の豪雨災害を受け、政府の中央防災会議は7月28日、全国の市町村長が避難勧告を的確に出すためのマニュアルや、自力避難が難しい高齢者らの避難を支援するための指針などを、各省庁が連携して策定することを確認した。

 

今回の災害では新潟県で住民への避難勧告を出すタイミングに市町間でばらつきがあったとされることから、国と自治体、住民間の情報伝達のあり方や、市町村長が避難の勧告や指示を出す際の判断の参考となる客観的基準などを盛り込んだマニュアルをつくる。

 

読者からの投稿 6(marcie, 25 November 16

 

Government Designs Manual for Evacuation Instructions 

 

Recent heavy rains in Niigata-prefecture, Fukushima-prefecture and Fukui-prefecture caused major disasters. On July 28th, the Central Disaster Prevention Committee of the Government confirmed that it would design a disaster manual and a guidance for support efforts. A disaster manual will include how a mayor of each city, town and village develops an accurate evacuation instruction. A guidance for support efforts will include directions for supporting seniors who cannot evacuate by themselves. It was also confirmed that the manuals would be developed by coordination between ministries.  

 

In Niigata-prefecture, during the recent disaster, it was identified that cities and towns used different timing for issuing evacuation instructions and warnings. A manual needs to include communication methods between government, municipalities and citizens, and objective standards for mayors of cities, towns and villages when they issues evacuation instructions and warnings.

 

添削

 

Government Designs Manual for Evacuation Instructions 

 

Recent heavy rains in Niigata-pPrefecture, Fukushima- pPrefecture and Fukui-pPrefecture caused major disasters. On July 28th, the Central Disaster Prevention Committee of the Government of Japan confirmed that it would design a disaster manual and a guidance guideline for support activities efforts. The A disaster manual will include how a mayor of each city, town and village develops an accurate evacuation instruction. The A guidline guidance for support efforts activities will include directions for supporting seniors who cannot evacuate by themselves. It was also confirmed that the manuals and guideline would be developed by coordinationed efforts between ministries. 

 

In Niigata-pPrefecture, during the recent disaster, it was found identified that cities and towns used different timings for issuing evacuation instructions and warnings. The A manual needs to include communication methods between governments, municipalities and citizens, and objective standards for mayors of cities, towns and villages when they issues evacuation instructions and warnings.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Government Designs Manual for Evacuation Instructions 

 

Recent heavy rains in Niigata Prefecture, Fukushima Prefecture and Fukui Prefecture caused major disasters. On July 28th, the Central Disaster Prevention Committee of the Government of Japan confirmed that it would design a disaster manual and a guideline for support activities. The disaster manual will include how a mayor of each city, town and village develops an accurate evacuation instruction. The guideline for support activities will include directions for supporting seniors who cannot evacuate by themselves. It was also confirmed that the manual and guideline would be developed by coordinated efforts between ministries. 

 

In Niigata Prefecture, during the recent disaster, it was found that cities and towns used different timings for issuing evacuation instructions and warnings. The manual needs to include communication methods between governments, municipalities and citizens, and objective standards for mayors of cities, towns and villages when they issue evacuation instructions and warnings.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 16 March 13

 

"Government of Japan to Formulate Manual for Disaster Preparedness”

 

In the wake of recent disasters caused by torrential rains in Niigata, Fukushima and Fukui prefectures, the Central Disaster Prevention Council decided on July 28 that the relevant government ministries would coordinate with each other to formulate manuals and guidelines for disaster preparedness. These manuals/guidelines shall help municipal mayors to issue an evacuation order at the right time and to better deal with elderly people who cannot evacuate on their own. In the recent disasters, it has been pointed out the timing of issuing evacuation orders varied greatly among cities/towns in Niigata Prefecture. Accordingly, the manual will include objective standard to which municipal mayors can refer when they issue evacuation order as well as the best way to communicate information between the state/local governments and the people.

 

添削

 

 

"Government of Japan to Formulate Manual for Disaster Preparedness”

 

In the wake of recent disasters caused by torrential rains in Niigata, Fukushima and Fukui prefectures, the Central Disaster Prevention Council decided on July 28 that the relevant government ministries would coordinate work together with each other to formulate manuals and guidelines for disaster preparedness. These manuals/guidelines shall help municipal mayors to issue an evacuation order at the right time and to better deal with elderly people who cannot evacuate on their own. In the recent disasters, it has been pointed out that the timing of issuing evacuation orders varied greatly among cities/towns in Niigata Prefecture. Accordingly, the manual will include objective standard to which municipal mayors can refer when they issue evacuation orders as well as the best way to communicate information between the state/local governments and the people.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Government of Japan to Formulate Manual for Disaster Preparedness”

 

In the wake of recent disasters caused by torrential rains in Niigata, Fukushima and Fukui prefectures, the Central Disaster Prevention Council decided on July 28 that the relevant government ministries would work together with each other to formulate manuals and guidelines for disaster preparedness. These manuals/guidelines shall help municipal mayors to issue an evacuation order at the right time and to better deal with elderly people who cannot evacuate on their own. In the recent disasters, it has been pointed out that the timing of issuing evacuation orders varied greatly among cities/towns in Niigata Prefecture. Accordingly, the manual will include objective standard to which municipal mayors can refer when they issue evacuation orders as well as the best way to communicate information between the state/local governments and the people.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 1 September 11

 

The National Government Draws Up a New Manual for Evacuation Instructions

 

In response to the recent heavy rain damage in Nigata, Fukushima and Fukui Prefecture,  Central Disaster Prevention Council has confirmed on July 28 that the government ministries and agencies would cooperatively draw up an evacuation manual and guideline for people when natural disasters happen. This manual and guideline will include when to issue an evacuation order from mayors of cities, towns and villages and how to support elderly people who cannot evacuate on their own to safe places.  In Nigata Prefecture, local governments separately issued the evacuation order for the residents when the heavy rain happened. To set a standard of objective criterion at the time of disaster, a new manual will be made to help the mayors make a decision. It contains that how the national government, local governments and local residents transmit and receive information one another and when the mayors effectively issue an evacuation for residents and provide residents with safety direction.

 

添削

 

The National Government of Japan1 Draws Up a New Manual for Emergency Evacuation Instructions

 

In response to the recent heavy rain damage in Niigata, Fukushima and Fukui Prefecture,  the Central Disaster Prevention Council has confirmed on July 28 that the government ministries and agencies would cooperatively draw up an evacuation manual and guideline for people when natural disasters happen. This manual and guideline will include instructions when local governments such as cities, towns and villages to issue an evacuation order from mayors of cities, towns and villages and how local governments to support elderly people who cannot evacuate on their own to safe places.  In Niigata Prefecture, local governments separately issued the evacuation order for the residents when the heavy rains happened. To sSetting up a standard of objective criteriona at the time of disaster, a the new manual will be made to help the local government mayors make a decision. The manual It also contains that instructions how the national government, local governments and local residents send transmit and receive information one each other another and when the local governments mayors effectively issue an evacuation order for residents and provide residents with safety directions.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       読者を「英語を日常使う人」に想定していて、必ずしも日本に住んでいる人とは限らないので、日本のことだということを見出しに入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Government of Japan Draws Up a New Manual for Emergency Evacuation

 

In response to the recent heavy rain damage in Niigata, Fukushima and Fukui Prefecture,  the Central Disaster Prevention Council has confirmed on July 28 that the government ministries and agencies would cooperatively draw up an evacuation manual and guideline for people when natural disasters happen. This manual and guideline will include instructions when local governments such as cities, towns and villages issue an evacuation order and how local governments support elderly people who cannot evacuate on their own to safe places. In Niigata Prefecture, local governments separately issued the evacuation order for the residents when the heavy rains happened. Setting up objective criteria at the time of disaster, the new manual will help the local government make a decision. The manual also contains instructions how the national government, local governments and local residents send and receive information each other and when the local governments  effectively issue an evacuation order for residents and provide residents with safety directions.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 19 May 11

 

The National Government to Draw Up Common Guidelines for Evacuation”

 

On July 28, the Central Disaster Prevention Council agreed to request administrative organizations to draw up common guidelines to evacuate local residents when natural disasters strike, in light of the serious damage caused by the torrential rains in Niigata, Fukushima and Fukui Prefectures,

 

When Niigata Prefecture was hit by the heavy rains, some local governments didn’t yet issue an evacuation advisory while others had already done it. To prevent this lack of communication, the guidelines will include how effectively national and local governments should communicate with local residents and when the heads of local governments should issue an evacuation advisory, based on objective standards for evacuation. The guidelines will also include how to help the elderly who can’t evacuate by themselves.

 

添削

 

The National Government of Japan to Draws Up Common Guidelines for Evacuation

 

On July 28, the Central Disaster Prevention Council agreed to request national ministries and agencies administrative organizations to draw up common guidelines to evacuate local residents when natural disasters strike, in light of the serious damage caused by the torrential rains in Niigata, Fukushima and Fukui Prefectures,

 

When Niigata Prefecture was hit by the heavy rains, some local governments didn’t yet issue an evacuation advisory while others had already done it so. To prevent this lack of communications, the guidelines will include how effectively national and local governments should communicate with local residents and when the heads of local governments should issue an evacuation advisory, based on objective standards for evacuation. The guidelines will also include how to help the elderly who can’t evacuate by themselves.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Government of Japan Draws Up Common Guidelines for Evacuation

 

On July 28, the Central Disaster Prevention Council agreed to request national ministries and agencies to draw up common guidelines to evacuate local residents when natural disasters strike, in light of the serious damage caused by the torrential rains in Niigata, Fukushima and Fukui Prefecture,

 

When Niigata Prefecture was hit by the heavy rains, some local governments didn’t yet issue an evacuation advisory while others had already done so. To prevent this lack of communications, the guidelines will include how effectively national and local governments should communicate with local residents and when the heads of local governments should issue an evacuation advisory, based on objective standards for evacuation. The guidelines will also include how to help the elderly who can’t evacuate by themselves.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(P&C, 6 Aug 08

 

"Government of Japan Made A Manual for Advice to Shelter"

 

There occurred recently disasters of heavy rain in Niigata Prefecture, Fukushima Prefecture, and Fukui Prefecture. So, on July 28, the National Council for Disaster Prevention made sure in corporation with ministries and government offices to make the following manual and guide. The manual is made for all chiefs of communes to give people advice to shelter with accuracy. The guide is made to support elderly people who cannot shelter by oneself.

 

In the disaster in Niigata Prefecture, the time to give people advice to shelter was various in each commune. Therefore the National Council for Disaster Prevention incorporate into the manual desirable ways of communicating between nation, commune, and people and objective standards for chiefs of communes to judge whether they should give people Advice or Order to shelter.

 

添削

 

"Government of Japan Makes Made A Manual for Disaster Evacuation Advice to Shelter1"

 

In light of2 There occurred recently natural disasters of due to heavy rains in Niigata Prefecture, Fukushima Prefecture, and Fukui Prefecture,. So, on July 28, the National Council for Disaster Prevention decided, made sure in corporation with the ministries and government offices, to make a the following manual and guide line for the evacuation of people in natural disasters. The manual will3 is be made for all chiefs of villages, towns and cities communes to give them people advice when and how to evacuate people to shelter with accuracy. The guide is advises them on how made to support elderly people who cannot evacuate shelter by themselves oneself.

 

In the recent natural disaster in Niigata Prefecture, the timeing of to ordering give people to evacuate to a safe place advice to shelter was different from various in each commune community to community. Therefore, the National Council for Disaster Prevention plans to incorporate into the manual desirable ways of communicating information between the national government, local governments commune, and local residents people and also objective standards that for the chiefs of local governments communes to can use when they judge whether or not ane when they should give people an evacuation order Advice or Order to shelter.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、わからないところがあります。

 

1.       この文章では首長が住民を避難させる、ということが主題です。ですから、I sheltered in a cave to pass the storm. 嵐をやりすごすために洞穴に身を隠した、というように使うshelterよりI evacuated my house and went to a school. 家を放棄して学校に避難した、というように使うevacuateがよいでしょう。

 

2.       in light of ~ 〜を考慮して、〜の経験から、という便利は句があります。

 

3.       マニュアルはこれから作成するので、ここは未来形にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Government of Japan Makes A Manual for Disaster Evacuation 1"

 

In light of recent natural disasters due to heavy rains in Niigata Prefecture, Fukushima Prefecture, and Fukui Prefecture, the National Council for Disaster Prevention decided, in corporation with the ministries and government offices, to make a manual and guide line for the evacuation of people in natural disasters. The manual will be made for all chiefs of villages, towns and cities to give them advice when and how to evacuate people. The guide advises them on how to support elderly people who cannot evacuate by themselves .

 

In the recent natural disaster in Niigata Prefecture, timing of ordering people to evacuate to a safe place was different from community to community. Therefore, the National Council for Disaster Prevention plans to incorporate into the manual desirable ways of communicating information between the national government, local governments and local residents and also objective standards that the chiefs of local governments can use when they judge whether or not and when they should give people an evacuation order .

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Prim, 27 January 05

 

“A New Manual for Natural Disasters”

 

On July twenty-eighth, the Central Disaster Prevention Council confirmed that all government departments would cooperate to produce an emergency manual for natural disasters in light of the damages and aftermath caused by the recent torrential rains in Niigata, Fukushima and Fukui Prefectures.

 

When the torrential rains created emergency situations in Niigata Prefecture, heads of municipal governments must decide the timing of issuing an evacuation order to their residents by their own judgments. As a result, in some municipalities, the evacuation order was issued too late to secure the safety of the residents.

 

The manual will include an objective guideline for heads of municipal governments to judge the timing of issuing an evacuation order. It will also include a guideline how such information should be communicated between the central government, local governments and local residents and how to provide assistance to senior residents who can not escape home to safe places by themselves.

 

添削

 

"A New Manual for Natural Disasters"

 

On July twenty-eighth, the Central Disaster Prevention Council confirmed that all government departments would cooperate to produce an emergency manual for natural disasters in light of the damages and aftermath caused by the recent torrential rains in Niigata, Fukushima and Fukui Prefectures.

 

When the torrential rains created emergency situations in Niigata Prefecture, heads of municipal governments must had to decide the timing of issuing an evacuation order to their residents by using their own judgments1. As a result, in some municipalities, the evacuation order was issued too late to secure the safety of the residents.

 

The manual will include an objective guideline for the heads of municipal governments to judge the timing of issuing an evacuation order. It will also include a guideline as to how such information should be communicated between the central government, local governments and local residents and how to provide assistance to senior residents who can notcannot escape their homes to a safe places by themselves2.

 

コメント

 

日本文は二つの段落で構成されていますが、Primさんは内容を整理して三つの段落の英文で表現しています。最初の段落で文章全体の要点を表現し、第二、第三で因果関係の順序を追って説明しているので大変わかりやすくなっています。この例のように長い日本文は、原文の内容の順序にこだわらず、内容を整理して因果関係、時間的関係の順序の再構成したほうが良い場合があります。

 

1.       「今回の災害では新潟県で住民への避難勧告を出すタイミングに市町間でばらつきがあった。」はどうしてタイミングにばらつきがあったのかを説明しています。

 

2.       マニュアルの内容は三番目の段落の整理して表現しています。

 

添削後の文章

 

"A New Manual for Natural Disasters"

 

On July twenty-eighth, the Central Disaster Prevention Council confirmed that all government departments would cooperate to produce an emergency manual for natural disasters in light of the damages and aftermath caused by the recent torrential rains in Niigata, Fukushima and Fukui Prefectures.

 

When torrential rains created emergency situations in Niigata Prefecture, heads of municipal governments had to decide the timing of issuing an evacuation order to their residents using their own judgment. As a result, in some municipalities, the evacuation order was issued too late to secure the safety of the residents.

 

The manual will include an objective guideline for the heads of municipal governments to judge the timing of issuing an evacuation order. It will also include a guideline as to how such information should be communicated between the central government, local governments and local residents and how to provide assistance to senior residents who cannot escape their homes to a safe place by themselves.