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中級練習問題の添削 121−130

 

中級問題 121「中華航空が控訴しないことを決定」(5 Feb 04) (16 Oct 07) (11 July 11)

(19 Sept 12)

 

中級問題 122「日本エアシステムの航空機にエンジン部品の亀裂を発見(23 July 04) (21 Oct 07) (11 July 11) (20 Sept 12)

 

中級問題 123 「イラク派遣隊員が千歳基地を出発」(7 Feb 04) (22 Oct 07) (13 July 11)

(20 Sept 12)

 

中級問題 124 「厚生省が65歳までの定年延長を提案」(14 March 04) (20 Oct 07)

(13 July 11) (3 Oct 12)

 

中級問題 125 「台風の後の海岸のゴミ処理」(21 Feb 04) (23 Oct 07) (21 July 11)

(3 Oct 12)

 

中級問題 126 「コンベニ売上高の伸び率は過去最低」(11 Feb 04) (9 Oct 07)

(22 July 11) (3 Oct 12)

 

中級問題 127 「2003年に旅券の発行数が減少」(11 Feb 04) (8 Sept 07)

(26 July 11) (9 Oct 12)

 

中級問題 128 「大学でマルチ商法被害急増」(3 Feb 04) (29 Oct 07) (26 July 11)

(9 October 12)

 

中級問題 129 「中国の輸入乗用車台数46%増」(27 June 04) (10 Sept 07)

(28 July 11) (9 October 12)

 

中級問題 130 「東京都世田谷区は学校選択制採用しないことに決定(23 July 04) 

(29 Oct 07) (27 July 11) (28 Oct 12)

 

中級問題 121「中華航空が控訴しないことを決定」

 

264人が死亡した1994年の名古屋空港中華航空機墜落事故の損害賠償訴訟で、中華航空の代理人は控訴期限の十九日、「遺族の心労や心痛に配慮した」として控訴しないことを正式に決め、原告側に伝えたことを明らかにした。

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 19 September 12

 

"China Airlines Respect the Verdict" 

 

An attorney representing China Airlines announced that the airline was not going to appeal a court ruling ordering it to pay compensation over the 1994 plane crash at Nagoya airport that killed 264 passengers and crew. The announcement was made on January 19, the last day to appeal. The attorney said that the airline had taken into account the mental anguish of the victims' relatives in making its decision

 

添削

 

"China Airlines Respect the Verdict" 

 

An attorney representing China Airlines announced that the airline was not going to appeal a court ruling ordering it to pay compensation over the 1994 plane crash at Nagoya aAirport that killed 264 passengers and crew. The announcement was made on January 19, the last day to appeal. The attorney said that the airline had taken into account the mental anguish of the victims' relatives in making its decision.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"China Airlines Respect the Verdict" 

 

An attorney representing China Airlines announced that the airline was not going to appeal a court ruling ordering it to pay compensation over the 1994 plane crash at Nagoya Airport that killed 264 passengers and crew. The announcement was made on January 19, the last day to appeal. The attorney said that the airline had taken into account the mental anguish of the victims' relatives in making its decision.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Lucca, 11 July 11

 

"China Airlines Decides not to Appeal the Ruling"

 

Regarding the airplane crash accident that took place at Nagoya Air port on 1995, China Airlines officially decided not to appeal the ruling and conveyed it to the plaintiffs on January 19. The victim and their family had suited seeking compensation for the accident that cost 264 lives against China Airlines. Although China Airlines could appeal to a higher court until January 19, its attorney said that the airlines abandoned the petition due to thinking about the anguish and the excessive worry of the familles of the victims.

 

添削

 

"China Airlines Decides not to Appeal the Ruling"

 

Regarding the airplane crash accident that took place at Nagoya Air port on in19954, China Airlines officially decided not to appeal the court ruling and conveyed it to the plaintiffs on January 19. The victims and their familyies had sued suited the airline, seeking compensation for the accident that took cost 264 lives away against China Airlines. Although China Airlines could appeal to a higher court until January 19, it1 announced through its attorney said that the airlines abandoned the appeal petition considering due to thinking about the anguish and the excessive worry of the familles families of the victims.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       従属節と主節の主語を同じにすると、文が読みやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"China Airlines Decides not to Appeal the Ruling"

 

Regarding the airplane crash accident that took place at Nagoya Air port in1994, China Airlines officially decided not to appeal the court ruling and conveyed it to the plaintiffs on January 19. The victims and their families had sued the airline, seeking compensation for the accident that took 264 lives away . Although China Airlines could appeal to a higher court until January 19, it announced through its attorney that the airlines abandoned the appeal considering the anguish and worry of the families of the victims.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 16 October 07

 

"China Airlines will not Appeal the Court Ruling over the Jetliner Crash"

 

China Airlines will not appeal the court ruling that ordered the airlines to pay compensation to the victims of the jetliner crash that killed 262 people at Nagoya Airport in 1994. A China Airlines attorney announced the statement on January 19, which was the deadline date for an appeal. China Airlines made the decision this time because they took into consideration the hardships that the victims' families had gone through after the accident, the attorney added.

  

添削

 

"China Airlines will not Appeal the Court Ruling over the Jetliner Crash"

 

China Airlines will not appeal the court ruling1 that ordered the airlines to pay compensation to the victims of the jetliner crash that killed 262 people at Nagoya Airport in 1994. A China Airlines attorney announced the statement on January 19, which was the deadline date for an appeal. China Airlines made the decision this time2 because they did not want to further prolong3 took into consideration the hardships that the victims' families had gone through after the accident, the attorney added.

  

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       キーセンテンスが文章の始めにあるので、内容がわかりやすいですね。

 

2.       this timeとするとこの裁判の段階に来る前には控訴した、ということを含むようにもとれますが、これについては日本文の内容だけではわからないのでthis timeを削除しました。

 

3.       添削のままでよいですが、「遺族の心労や心痛に配慮した」を「これ以上遺族に心労や心痛をかけないように」と補足してみました。

 

添削後の文章

 

"China Airlines will not Appeal the Court Ruling over the Jetliner Crash"

 

China Airlines will not appeal the court ruling that ordered the airlines to pay compensation to the victims of the jetliner crash that killed 262 people at Nagoya Airport in 1994. A China Airlines attorney announced the statement on January 19, which was the deadline date for an appeal. China Airlines made the decision because they did not want to further prolong the hardships that the victims' families had gone through after the accident, the attorney added.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(ミナミ、5 Feb 04

 

“China Airlines Has Decided Not to Appeal the Court Ruling”

 

China Airlines has deiced not to appeal the court ruling on the damage suit for its airplane accident at Nagoya International Airport in 1994 in which 264 people were killed. A representative of China Airlines told its decision to the plaintiffs on January 19, the last day for the court appeal, saying that the decision was based on its consideration of not prolonging the strain of grief that the court appeal might be incurred by the plaintiffs.

 

添削

 

“China Airlines Has Decided Not to Appeal the Court Ruling for the 1994 Nagoya Airplane Accident1

 

China Airlines has deiced decided not to appeal the court ruling on for the damage suit for its concerning the 1994 airplane accident at Nagoya International Airport in 1994 in which 264 people were killed. A representative of China Airlines told announced its the decision to the plaintiffs on January 19, the last day for the court2 an appeal, . saying that theThe decision3 was based on its the consideration of the China Airline4 not further prolonging the strain of grief that the court appeal might be incurred by cause5 the plaintiffs.

 

コメント

 

日本文は内容が短く凝縮した文章なので、どのように内容を解きほぐして英文で表現するかが大切になります。ミナミさんは長い日本文を上手に分割しています。

 

1.       見出しは記事の要点がわかるようにする必要があるので添削のように1994年の名古屋空港中華航空機事故を入れたほうがよいです。

 

2.       文脈からappealだけで控訴だとわかります。

 

3.       新しい文にしてThe decision was based on ~とするとわかりやすく、また文のインパクトが大きくなります。

 

4.       短い文でも代名詞はつかわずにthe China Airlineを繰り返したほうが内容がはっきりし、また文が締まります。

 

5.       the appealが主語なので、the appeal might inflict on the plaintiffsとするか添削のようにします。

 

添削後の文章

 

“China Airlines Has Decided Not to Appeal the Court Ruling for the 1994 Nagoya Airplane Accident”

 

China Airlines has decided not to appeal the court ruling for the damage suit concerning the 1994 airplane accident at Nagoya International Airport in which 264 people were killed. A representative of China Airlines announced the decision to the plaintiffs on January 19, the last day for an appeal. The decision was based on the consideration of the China Airline not further prolonging the grief that the appeal might cause the plaintiffs.

 

 

中級問題 122「日本エアシステムの航空機にエンジン部品の亀裂を発見」

 

日本エアシステム(JAS)保有の旅客機MD87とMD81のエンジン部品に破損や亀裂が相次いで見つかったトラブルで、1月20日までに緊急点検を終えた22機のうち、エンジンに異常があったのは16機だったことが同日、JASの調べで分かった。

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 20 September 12

 

"Cracks Found in Engines of JAS’s Aircrafts" 

 

On January 20, Japan Air System (JAS) revealed that of the 22 aircrafts JAS had inspected urgently following a series of detection of cracks in the engines of its MD81 and MD87 aircrafts, 16 were found to have signs of damage in engines.

 

添削

 

"Cracks Found in Engines of JAS’s Aircrafts" 

 

On January 20, Japan Air System (JAS) revealed that of the 22 aircrafts JAS had inspected urgently following a series of detection of cracks in the engines of its MD81 and MD87 aircrafts, 16 aircrafts were found to have signs of damage in their engines.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Cracks Found in Engines of JAS’s Aircrafts" 

 

On January 20, Japan Air System (JAS) revealed that of the 22 aircrafts JAS had inspected urgently following a series of detection of cracks in the engines of its MD81 and MD87 aircrafts, 16 aircrafts were found to have signs of damage in their engines.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Lucca, 11 July 11

 

Sixteen Airplanes of JAS Have Cracks in the Engine Section

 

Following the passenger airplanes of Japan Air System (JAS) with engine troubles caused by fractures and cracks in the engine section, JAS conducted an emergency checkup of all of twenty-two passenger airplanes that were MD87 and MD81 models. JAS announced on January 20 that sixteen out of twenty-two airplanes had some troubles in the engine section.

 

添削

 

Sixteen Airplanes of JAS Have Cracks in the Engine Section

 

Following the engine troubles caused by fractures and cracks of passenger airplanes of Japan Air System (JAS) with engine troubles caused by fractures and cracks in the engine section, JAS conducted an emergency checkup of all of its twenty-two MD87 and MD81 models of passenger airplanes that were MD87 and MD81 models. JAS announced the results of the checkup1 on January 20 that sixteen out of twenty-two airplanes had some troubles in their engine sections.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       これを入れると前の文とのつながりがよくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Sixteen Airplanes of JAS Have Cracks in the Engine Section

 

Following the engine troubles caused by fractures and cracks of passenger airplanes of Japan Air System (JAS), JAS conducted an emergency checkup of all of its twenty-two MD87 and MD81 models of passenger airplanes. JAS announced the results of the checkup on January 20 that sixteen out of twenty-two airplanes had some troubles in their engine sections.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 21 October 07

 

"Japan Air System Finds Engine Cracks on its MD-type Aircrafts"

 

As of January 20, Japan Air System (JAS) has found engine cracks on sixteen out of the twenty-two MD-81 and MD-87 aircrafts. JAS, prompted by recent cases of engine trouble, has started an emergency inspection for all of its MD-type aircrafts.

 

添削

 

"Japan Air System Finds Engine Cracks on in its MD-type Aircrafts Engines"

 

As of January 20, Japan Air System (JAS) has found engine cracks on sixteen out of the twenty-two MD-81 and MD-87 aircrafts. JAS, pPrompted by the recent cases of engine troubles, Japan Air Systems (JAS) conducted has started an emergency inspection for of all of its MD-type aircrafts. As of January 20, JAS has found cracks in the engines of sixteen out of their twenty-two MD-81 and MD-87 aircrafts.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、事柄の時間的な経過がはっきりしません。最初の文がキーセンテンスですが、文章が短いので、二番目の文が時間的に次に起こったことがらのようによめます。このような短い文章では、キーセンスを文章の始めに置かないで、文章全体を時間の経過にしたがって叙述するのがよいようです。

 

添削後の文章

 

 

"Japan Air System Finds Cracks in its MD-type Aircraft Engines"

 

Prompted by the recent cases of engine troubles, Japan Air Systems (JAS) conducted an emergency inspection of all of its MD-type aircrafts. As of January 20, JAS has found cracks in the engines of sixteen out of their twenty-two MD-81 and MD-87 aircrafts.

 

読者からの投稿 1(ごろう、23 July 04

 

“Cracks Were Found in the Engine Parts of Airplanes Owned by Japan Air Systems”

 

On January 20, Japan Air Systems announced that it found cracks and fractures in the engine parts in sixteen out of twenty-two MD87 and MD81 type passenger airplanes it owned during the emergency check-up it had completed by January 20.

 

添削

 

“Cracks Were Are1 Found in the Engine Parts of Airplanes Owned by Japan Air Systems”

 

On January 20, Japan Air Systems announced that it had2 found cracks and fractures in the engine parts in of sixteen out of twenty-two MD87 and MD81 type passenger airplanes it owned owns3 during the an emergency check-up it had completed by January 204.

 

コメント

 

1.       記事の見出しは過去の出来事でも現在形で表現するのが普通です。

 

2.       時間の関係をはっきりさせるために過去完了形にします。

 

3.       時制の一致では過去形ですが、日本エアシステムが現在も保有している機体なので、現在形で表現するのが普通になってきました。

 

4.       2のところで現在完了形を使ってあり、この意味は含まれているので重複を避けて省略します。

 

添削後の文章

 

On January 20, Japan Air Systems announced that it had found cracks and fractures in the engine parts of sixteen out of twenty-two MD87 and MD81 type passenger airplanes it owns during an emergency check-up.

 

 

中級問題 123 「イラク派遣隊員が千歳基地を出発」

 

クウェートからイラク国内に人道支援物資などを空輸する航空自衛隊本隊に道内から参加する派遣隊員七人が1月20日正午、国内の出発地となる空自小牧基地(愛知県小牧市)に向け、空自C1輸送機で同千歳基地を飛び立った。

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 20 September 12

 

"ASDF Personnel Left Chitose Base for Iraq" 

 

Seven Air Self-Defense Force (ASDF) personnel from bases in Hokkaido left Chitose Air Base with a C-1 ASDF transport plane at noon January 20 for Komaki Air Base in Aichi Prefecture. The personnel is to join the main unit of the ASDF there and will be dispatched to Kuwait to engage in transporting humanitarian-aid goods by air to Iraqi airports.

 

添削

 

"ASDF Personnel Left Chitose Base for Iraq" 

 

Seven members of Air Self-Defense Force (ASDF) personnel from bases in Hokkaido left Chitose Air Base with a C-1 ASDF transport plane at noon January 20 for Komaki Air Base in Aichi Prefecture at noon on January 20. They are personnel is to joining the main unit of the ASDF there and will be dispatched to Kuwait to engage in transporting humanitarian-aid goods by air to Iraqi airports.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"ASDF Personnel Left Chitose Base for Iraq" 

 

Seven members of Air Self-Defense Force (ASDF) from bases in Hokkaido left Chitose Air Base with a C-1 ASDF transport plane for Komaki Air Base in Aichi Prefecture at noon on January 20. They are joining the main unit of the ASDF there and will be dispatched to Kuwait to engage in transporting humanitarian-aid goods by air to Iraqi airports.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Lucca, 13 July 11

 

Seven Members of Air Self-Defence Force to Send to Iraq in Hokkaido Leave the Chitose Base

 

At noon on January 20 , the C1 Air Self-Defence Force (ASDF) transport aircraft with seven members of Air Self-Defence Force in Hokkaido flowed off to the Komaki Base in Komaki City, Aichi, from the Chitose Base. They will transport humanitarian support goods by air between Kuwait and Iraq. All ASDF members to send to Iraq will get together nationwide in the Komaki Base and leave for Kuwait.

 

添削

 

Seven Members of Air Self-Defence Force Send to Iraq in Hokkaido Leave the Chitose Base

for Iraq

 

At noon on January 20 , the a C1 Air Self-Defence Force (ASDF) transport aircraft with seven members of the Air Self-Defence Force in Hokkaido flew flowed off to the Komaki Base in Komaki City, Aichi, from the Chitose Base. They will transport humanitarian support goods by air between Kuwait and Iraq. All ASDF members going to send to Iraq from Japan will get together nationwide in at the Komaki Base and leave for Kuwait.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Seven Members of Air Self-Defence Force  Leave the Chitose Base for Iraq

 

At noon on January 20 , a C1 Air Self-Defence Force (ASDF) transport aircraft with seven members of the Air Self-Defence Force in Hokkaido flew off to the Komaki Base in Komaki City, Aichi, from the Chitose Base. They will transport humanitarian support goods by air between Kuwait and Iraq. All ASDF members going to Iraq from Japan will get together at the Komaki Base and leave for Kuwait.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 22 October 07

 

"Air-Defense Force Members Depart from Chitose Air Force Base to Iraq"

 

A C-1 transport aircraft carrying seven Air Self-Defense Force members departed from Chitose Air Force Base in Hokkaido at noon on January 20. The seven members will join the contingent of Air Self-Defense Force at Komaki Air Force Base in Aichi Prefecture. The contingent will depart from Komaki Air Force Base to Iraq and help airlift relief supplies from Kuwait to Iraq.

 

添削

 

"Air Self-Defense Force Members Depart from Chitose Air Force Base to Iraq"

 

A C-1 transport aircraft carrying seven Air Self-Defense Force members departed from the Chitose Air Force Base in Hokkaido at noon on January 20. The seven members will join the contingent of the Air Self-Defense Force at the Komaki Air Force Base in Aichi Prefecture. and1 The contingent will depart from Komaki Air Force Base to Iraq to and help airlift relief supplies from Kuwait to Iraq.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       一連の関連した動作なので、andで文をつないだほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Air Self-Defense Force Members Depart from Chitose Air Force Base to Iraq"

 

A C-1 transport aircraft carrying seven Air Self-Defense Force members departed from the Chitose Air Force Base in Hokkaido at noon on January 20. The seven members will join the contingent of the Air Self-Defense Force at the Komaki Air Force Base in Aichi Prefecture and depart to Iraq to airlift relief supplies from Kuwait to Iraq.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NOMU, 7 Feb 04

 

"The SDF Personnel Dispatched to Iraq Left the Base in Chitose"

 

An Air Self-Defense jet that seven Self-Defense Force personnel from Hokkaido were on board took off Chitose Station at noon on January 20 for Komaki Air SDF Station(Komaki, Aichi prefecture). They are joining the main body of the ASDF that will depart from Komaki Station and airlift humanitarian supplies from Kuwait to Iraq.

 

添削

 

"A Group of Self Defense Forces Leave the Chitose Air Force Base for Iraq1 The SDF Personnel Dispatched to Iraq Left the Base in Chitose"

 

An A C-1 Air Self-Defense Force jet transport airplane with seven members of the Self Defense Forces that seven Self-Defense Force personnel from Hokkaido were on board took off the Chitose Air Force Base2 Station  for the Komatsu Air Force Base in Aichi at noon on January 20 for Komaki Air SDF Station(Komaki, Aichi prefecture). They are joining the main body of the ASDF Air Self Defense Forces that will depart from the Komaki Station Air Force Base for Iraq and airlift humanitarian supplies from Kuwait to Iraq.

 

コメント

 

1.       「自衛隊員7人が千歳基地から小松基地を通ってイラクに向かう」という内容ですが、題名には簡単に「自衛隊員7人が千歳基地からイラクに向かう」でよいとおもいます。

 

2.       千歳基地はthe Chitose Air Force Baseとすると簡単でわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"A Group of Self Defense Forces Leave the Chitose Air Force Base for Iraq "

 

A C-1 Air Self-Defense Force transport airplane with seven members of the Self Defense Forces from Hokkaido on board took off the Chitose Air Force Base for the Komatsu Air Force Base in Aichi at noon on January 20. They are joining the main body of the Air Self Defense Forces that will depart from the Komaki Air Force Base for Iraq and airlift humanitarian supplies from Kuwait to Iraq.

 

 

中級問題 124 「厚生省が65歳までの定年延長を提案」

 

厚生労働省は1月20日、企業に希望者全員を65歳まで継続雇用する制度の義務付けを求めることを柱とする報告をまとめた。厚生年金の支給開始年齢の段階的引き上げにより、定年退職後に収入の空白期が生まれる恐れがあるため、高齢者の雇用確保策が必要と判断した。

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 3 October 12

 

"Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry Proposes Extension of the Mandatory Retirement Age to 65" 

 

The Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry released on January 20 a report that recommends establishing a system in which employers will be obliged to allow all of their employees to work until 65, if the employees so desire. Gradual delays in the minimum age for the welfare pension eligibility could create a period of no income for retired people before they start receiving their pensions, urging the ministry to take measures to secure employment for the elderly.

 

添削

 

"Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry Proposes Extension of the Mandatory Retirement Age to 65" 

 

The Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry released on January 20 a report that recommendsed establishing a system in which employers would will be obliged to allow all of their employees to work until 65, if the employees so desired. The current policy of1 Ggradually delaysing in the minimum age for the welfare pension eligibility can could create a period of no income for retired people before they start receiving their pensions., This has urginged the ministry to take measures to secure employment for the elderly during this specific period.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかりますが、一番目と二番目の内容のつながりが分かり難いです。

 

1.       このような補足をいれるとわかりやすくなるでしょう。

 

添削後文章

 

"Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry Proposes Extension of the Mandatory Retirement Age to 65" 

 

The Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry released on January 20 a report that recommended establishing a system in which employers would be obliged to allow all of their employees to work until 65, if the employees so desired. The current policy of gradually delaying the minimum age for the welfare pension eligibility can create a period of no income for retired people before they start receiving their pensions. This has urged the ministry to take measures to secure employment for the elderly during this specific period.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Lucca, 13 July 11

 

Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry Proposes Extending Retirement up to 65 Years Old

 

On January 20, Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry compiled a report to oblige companies to keep employing all their staff who hope to stay longer up to 65 years old. The employees pension payment was paid from the age of 60 years old before. But because of the increasing number of recipients, the pension agency has started to gradually delay the age of its payment. When this is carried out as planned, most of people have no income until receiving the employees pension payment after retirement. The ministry judged that job security of people who were reaching retirement age was necessary. 

 

添削

 

The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry Proposes to Extending Retirement up to 65 Years Old

 

On January 20, the Ministry1 of Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry has released compiled2 a report to oblige companies to keep employing all their staff who want hope to stay longer up to 65 years old. The employees pension payment was paid from the age of 60 years old before. But because of the increasing number of recipients, the pension agency has started decided to gradually increase3 delay the age for of its pension payment. When this is carried out as planned, most of people will have no income after retirement at the age of 60 until they start receiving their employees pension payments after retirement. The ministry judged decided that job security of people who were reaching the current retirement age of 60 was necessary. 

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       長い名称なので、先ずはthe Ministryとして、これが省の名称であることを示すのがよいでしょう。

 

2.       「報告をまとめた」という表現がよくつかわれますが、これは「報告をまとめて発表した」ということですから、たんにcompileではなく、releaseのほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare Proposes to Extend Retirement up to 65 Years Old

 

On January 20, the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare has released a report to oblige companies to keep employing all their staff who want to stay up to 65 years old. The employees’ pension was paid from the age of 60 before. But because of the increasing number of recipients, the pension agency has decided to gradually increase the age for  pension payment. When this is carried out as planned, most of people will have no income after retirement at the age of 60 until they start receiving their employees’ pension payments. The ministry decided that job security of people who were reaching the current retirement age of 60 was necessary. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 20 October 07

 

"Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare to Propose Extension of Mandatory Retirement Age to 65"

 

On January 20, the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare put together a report on the extension of the mandatory retirement age. The report says that the Ministry will require firms to establish a system to continue to employ workers who have reached 60 and want to continue to work until they reach 65. This is in accordance with the phased raising of the age at which pensions are available. The raising of the pensionable age to 65 with the mandatory retirement age remaining at 60 may create a problem of how retired workers can live for five years before they start to receive their pensions. To resolve the potential problem, the Ministry has decided to take some measure to ensure employment of elderly workers.

 

添削

 

"Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare to Propose Extension of Mandatory Retirement Age to 65"

 

On January 20, the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare put together a report on the extension of the mandatory retirement age. The report says that the Ministry will require firms to establish a system to continue to employ workers who have reached 60 and want to continue to work until they reach 65. This is in response to the new pension program policy of gradually accordance with the phased raising of the age at which pensions are become available to 65. The raising of the pensionable age to 65 with the mandatory retirement age remaining at 60 may create a problem of how retired workers can live for five years before they start to receive their pensions. To resolve the potential problem, the Ministry has decided to take some measure to ensure employment of elderly workers.

 

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。This is in accordance with the phased raising of the age at which pensions are available. のところがこの文章の背景を知らないとわかりにくいので添削のようにしました。日本文の内容を咀嚼して再整理してから英文にしてあるのでわかりやすいです。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare to Propose Extension of Mandatory Retirement Age to 65"

 

On January 20, the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare put together a report on the extension of the mandatory retirement age. The report says that the Ministry will require firms to establish a system to continue to employ workers who have reached 60 and want to continue to work until they reach 65. This is in response to the new pension program policy of gradually raising the age at which pensions become available to 65. The raising of the pensionable age to 65 with the mandatory retirement age remaining at 60 may create a problem of how retired workers can live for five years before they start to receive their pensions. To resolve the potential problem, the Ministry has decided to take some measure to ensure employment of elderly workers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NOMU, 14 March 04

 

"Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare Suggested Postponing the Retirement Age to 65"

 

Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare, on January 20, compiled a report requiring companies to introduce a new employment system. By this, companies would be obliged to keep employing all workers up to 65 years old if they hope so. The age when people start to receive welfare pension is planned to be gradually delayed. As a result, there could be a period when they get no income after they have retired until pention payment begins. That's why, the Ministry thought it necessary to take a measure to create employment of senior workers.

 

添削

 

"Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare Suggested Proposes Postponing the Retirement Age to 65"

 

On January 20, 20041, the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare, on January 20, compiled completed2 a report requiring companies to introduce a new employment system. By this,According this report, companies would be obliged to keep employing all their workers up to 65 years old if they the workers3 want to stayhope so. The age when people the workers can start to receive receiving an employees’ welfare pension is planned to be gradually delayed raised. As a result, there could be a period when they get no would need a source of income4 after they have retired until they start collecting their pention pensions payment begins. That's That is the reason why, the Ministry thought it necessary to take a measure to create secure5 employment of for senior workers.

 

コメント

 

短いに本文ですが、内容は複雑でよく整理しないと英文で表現することが難しくなります。NOMU さんは内容を補足してわかりやすく説明しています。

 

1.       この添削講座は新聞の記事を書き直したものが多いのでいつも日付が入っています。毎度面倒でしょうがやはり日付は入れておきます。新聞ではどの年の日付かわかりますが、添削問題では年号も入れたほうが良いでしょう。

 

2.       Compileはすでにある資料をまとめた、という感じです。日本文で「報告をまとめた」とありますが、これは厚生省が利益団体の意見を聞き利害を調整して報告までこぎついた、ということでしょうからcompletedのほうがよいでしょう。

 

3.       文の前半に会社とそこで働いている人(被雇用者、勤め人、労働者?、英語のemployeeにあたる良い日本語はなんでしょうか?)の両者がでて来るので、the workersとしたほうが明確になります。

 

4.       添削のように内容を能動的に表現するとわかりやすくなります。

 

5.       同じ職場で働くのでcreateよりsecureがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare Proposes Postponing the Retirement Age to 65"

 

On January 20, 2004, the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare completed a report requiring companies to introduce a new employment system. According this report, companies would be obliged to keep their workers up to 65 years old if the workers want to stay. The age when the workers can start receiving an employees’ pension is planned to be gradually raised. As a result, there could be a period when they would need a source of income after they retired until they start collecting their pensions . That is the reason why the Ministry thought it necessary to take a measure to secure employment for senior workers.

 

 

中級問題 125 「台風の後の海岸のゴミ処理」

 

今年8月上旬に紀南地方を襲った台風で海岸や河口へ流れ着いたごみの処理をめぐって、沿岸の自治体の対応が分かれた。1000万円以上の費用を投じて業者委託した自治体もあれば、住民ボランティアが主体になって10万円以下のわずかな費用で済ませたケースもあった。

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 3 October 12

 

"Contrasting Measures to Dispose of Typhoon Debris Ashore" 

 

Municipalities in southern Wakayama areas acted differently in cleaning up the debris that ran aground on beaches/ river mouths after being washed away by the typhoon that hit the southern part of Wakayama Prefecture in early August this year. Some municipalities spent as much as 10 million yen to outsource the disposal, while others spent less than 100 thousand yen in getting the disposal done with the help of local volunteers.

 

添削

 

"Huge Differences in Cost of Contrasting Measures to Disposeing Debris by of Typhoon Debris Ashore1" 

 

Municipalities in southern Wakayama areas acted differently in cleaning up the debris that ran aground on the beaches/ and in the river mouths that were after being washed up away by the typhoon that hit the southern part of Wakayama Prefecture in early August this year. Some municipalities spent as much as 10 million yen to outsource the disposal services, while others spent less than 100 thousand yen to get in getting the disposal done by with the help of local volunteers.

 

コメント

 

内容の概要はわかりますが、differently in cleaning up the debris that ran aground on beaches/ river mouths after being washed away by the typhoon that hit the southern part of Wakayama Prefectureのところが長すぎて分かり難いです。

 

1.       目次は記事の内容がわかるものがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Huge Differences in Cost of Disposing Debris by Typhoon" 

 

Municipalities in southern Wakayama areas acted differently in cleaning up the debris on the beaches and in the river mouths that were washed up by the typhoon that hit the southern part of Wakayama Prefecture in early August this year. Some municipalities spent as much as 10 million yen to outsource disposal services, while others spent less than 100 thousand yen to get the disposal done by local volunteers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Lucca, 20 July 11

 

Local Governments in the Kinan Region Implement Various Efforts to Dispose of Garbages after the Typhoon

 

By the typhoon that hit the Kinan Region in early August of this year, many garbages were washed up on the beach and at the mouth of a river in its coastal areas. In contrast to the garbages, affected coastal local governments took various measures.  For example, a local government outsourced to garbage disposal services to clean up the beach and the mouth of the river at a cost of more than 10 million yen. Another local government got the cooperation of local citizen volunteers to dispose of the garbages at a cost of less than 100 thousand yen.

 

添削

 

Local Governments in the Kinan Region Implement Various Efforts Methods to Dispose of Garbages Garbage after the Typhoon

 

By tThe typhoon1 that hit the Kinan Region in early August of this year, many garbages were washed up a large amount of garbage on the beach and at the mouths of a rivers in its coastal areas. In contrast to the garbages2, affected coastal The local governments took various measures to clean up the garbage.  For example, a one local government outsourced to garbage disposal services to clean up the beach and the mouths of the rivers at the a cost of more than 10 million yen. Another local government got the cooperation of local citizen volunteers to dispose of the garbages garbage at a the cost of less than 100 thousand yen.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       文頭に主語を置いたほうが内容がわかりやすくなります。ここでは台風を主語にするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       In contrast to the garbageが文の中でどういう意味をもつのかわかりません。

 

添削後の文章

 

Local Governments in the Kinan Region Implement Various Methods to Dispose of  Garbage after the Typhoon

 

The typhoon that hit the Kinan Region in early August of this year washed up a large amount of garbage on the beach and at the mouths of rivers in its coastal area. The local governments took various measures to clean up the garbage. For example, one local government outsourced garbage disposal services to clean up the beach and the mouths of the rivers at the cost of more than 10 million yen. Another local government got the cooperation of local volunteers to dispose of the garbage at the cost of less than 100 thousand yen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 23 October 07

 

"Different Measures to Clean up Garbage Washed Ashore after a Typhoon"

 

Local governments in the Kinan region took different measures to clean up garbage that had been washed ashore on the coasts and river mouths after a typhoon hit the region early August this year. Some local government asked a private company to clean up the garbage, which cost more than 10 million yen, whereas others joined hands with local volunteers, which cost not more than 100 thousand yen.

 

添削

 

"Different Measures to Clean up Garbage Washed Ashore after a Typhoon"

 

Local governments in the Kinan region took different measures to clean up the garbage that had been washed ashore on the coasts and river mouths after a typhoon hit the region early August this year. Some local governments asked a private company to clean up the garbage, which cost them more than 10 million yen, whereas others joined hands with local volunteers to clean up the garbage, which cost them less not more than 100 thousand yen.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Different Measures to Clean up Garbage Washed Ashore after a Typhoon"

 

Local governments in the Kinan region took different measures to clean up the garbage that had been washed ashore on the coasts and river mouths after a typhoon hit the region early August this year. Some local governments asked a private company to clean up the garbage, which cost them more than 10 million yen, whereas others joined hands with local volunteers to clean up the garbage, which cost them less than 100 thousand yen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1 (NOMU, 21 Feb 04

 

"Disposal of The Garbage Drifting Ashore in Kinan Area After An Earthquake"

 

In the aftermath of an earthquake which hit Kinan area in the early August of this year, garbage drifted ashore to seashores and estuaries. Each local government of the area took different approaches to tackle the problem. Some consigned the disposal work to private sectors shelling out more than 10 million yen. Others completed the disposal work within 100 thousand yen

because the local volunteers took an initiative in collecting  garbage.

 

添削

 

"Disposal of Tthe Garbage Drifting Ashore in the Kinan Area After An Earthquake a Typhoon"

 

In the aftermath of an earthquake a typhoon which hit the Kinan area in the early August of this year, garbage drifted ashore to along the seashores seacoast and estuaries. Each local government of the area took a1 different approaches to tackle the problem. Some consigned the disposal work to private sectors companies, shelling out more than 10 million yen, while2. Oothers completed the disposal work within 100 thousand yen, getting3 help from because the local volunteers. took an initiative in collecting  garbage.

 

コメント

 

1.       主語がeach local governmentとあるのでここは単数になります。

 

2.       Whileで続けると対比がはっきりします。

 

3.       shelling out ~と同じ形にすると読みやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Disposal of the Garbage Drifting Ashore in the Kinan Area After a Typhoon"

 

In the aftermath of a typhoon which hit the Kinan area in early August of this year, garbage drifted ashore along the seacoast and estuaries. Each local government took a different approach to tackle the problem. Some consigned the disposal work to private companies, shelling out more than 10 million yen, while others completed the disposal work within 100 thousand yen, getting help from local volunteers. .

 

中級問題 126 「コンベニ売上高の伸び率は過去最低」

 

日本フランチャイズチェーン協会が1月20日発表した2003年のコンビニエンスストアの売上高統計によると、国内主要チェーン13社の全店舗の売上高は6兆9624億円で、前年比伸び率は1・7%と過去最低となった。新規出店分を除いた既存店ベースの伸び率はマイナス2・1%で過去最大の落ち込みだった。昨年の冷夏にともなう飲料やアイスクリーム、冷やしめんなどの夏物商品の売り上げ減が響いた。

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 3 October 12

 

"Record Low Growth of Sales at Convenience Stores" 

 

The Japan Franchise Association announced on January 20 that sales figures of 13 major convenience store chains for 2009 totaled 6.96 trillion yen, up 1.7% from the previous year. The rate of sales growth was a record low. Excluding sales from new outlets, the rate of sales growth was negative 2.1%, the largest-ever drop. Largely contributing to the decrease was this year's unusually cool summer that considerably depressed the sale of seasonal food such as beverages, ice-cream and cold noodles. 

 

添削

 

"Record Low Growth of Sales at Convenience Stores" 

 

The Japan Franchise Association announced on January 20 that sales figures of 13 major convenience store chains for in 2009 totaled 6.96 trillion yen, up 1.7% from the previous year. The rate of sales growth was a record low. But1 when Excluding sales from new outlets were excluded, the rate of sales growth was minus negative 2.1%, the largest-ever drop. The major factor for Largely contributing to2 the decrease was this year's unusually cool summer that considerably depressed the sale of seasonal food such as beverages, ice-cream and cold noodles. 

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       Butをいれて前のプラス成長とこのマイナス成長の対比をはっきりさせるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       この文の始まりは修飾節のような印象を与えます。添削のような簡単な主語のほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Record Low Growth of Sales at Convenience Stores" 

 

The Japan Franchise Association announced on January 20 that sales of 13 major convenience store chains in 2009 totaled 6.96 trillion yen, up 1.7% from the previous year. The rate of sales growth was a record low. But when sales from new outlets were excluded, the rate of sales growth was minus 2.1%, the largest-ever drop. The major factor for the decrease was this year's unusually cool summer that considerably depressed the sale of seasonal food such as beverages, ice-cream and cold noodles. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Lucca, 22 July 11

 

The Largest-ever Sales Growth Rate of Convenience Stores in 2003

 

Japan Franchise Association announced on January 20 that the annual sales figures of 13 major convenience stores chains in 2003 amounted to about 7 trillion yen, showing a 1.7 percent increase over the previous fiscal year, which became the lowest increase on record.  The sales growth rate of the old convenience stores except the new stores opened in 2003 was largest-ever decrease on record, shrinking by 2.1 percent. Due to cold summer, the convenience stores could not be selling summer food such as cold drinks, ice-cream and cold noodles very much that it had the effect on sales in 2003.

 

添削

 

The Slowest Largest-ever Sales Growth of Sales at Rate of Convenience Stores in 2003

 

The Japan Franchise Association announced on January 20 that the annual sales figures of 13 major convenience stores chains in 2003 amounted to about 7 trillion yen, showing a 1.7 percent increase over the previous fiscal year., This was which became the lowest growth rate of sales increase on record.  The sales growth rate at of the old convenience stores except excluding those that the new stores opened in 2003 was largest-ever decreased on record, shrinking by 2.1 percent, the largest ever decrease on record. Due to the cold summer, the convenience stores could not be selling summer food such as cold drinks, ice-cream and cold noodles very much that it had the effect on sales in 2003.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかりますが、見出しの内容が間違っています。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Slowest Growth of Sales at Convenience Stores in 2003

 

The Japan Franchise Association announced on January 20 that the annual sales of 13 major convenience stores chains in 2003 amounted to about 7 trillion yen, showing a 1.7 percent increase over the previous fiscal year. This was the lowest growth rate of sales on record. The sales at the convenience stores excluding those that opened in 2003  decreased by 2.1 percent, the largest ever decrease on record. Due to the cold summer, the convenience stores could not sell summer food such as cold drinks, ice-cream and cold noodles much in 2003.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 9 October 07

 

"Convenience Stores See the Lowest Sales Growth Rate"

 

On January 20, the Japan Franchise Association announced that the total sales of 13 major convenience store chains in 2003 amounted to approximately 7 trillion yen, marking a 1.7 percent increase from the previous year at the lowest growth rate ever. When new stores were excluded, the sales growth rate of all stores fell by 2.1 percent, which was the largest-ever fall. The fall was attributed to sluggish sales of seasonal products such as soft drinks, ice cream and cold noodles due to low temperature during last summer, the association said.

 

添削

 

"Convenience Stores See the Lowest Sales Growth Rate of Sales"

 

On January 20, the Japan Franchise Association announced that the total sales of 13 major convenience store chains in 2003 amounted to approximately 7 trillion yen, marking a 1.7 percent increase from the previous year at the lowest growth rate ever. When new stores were excluded, the sales growth rate of sales at all stores fell by 2.1 percent, which was the largest-ever fall. The fall was attributed to sluggish sales of seasonal products such as soft drinks, ice cream and cold noodles due to the cool summer last year low temperature during last summer, the association said.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。数字が多い文章ですが、整理されていて読みやすいです。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Convenience Stores See the Lowest Growth Rate of Sales"

 

On January 20, the Japan Franchise Association announced that the total sales of 13 major convenience store chains in 2003 amounted to approximately 7 trillion yen, marking a 1.7 percent increase from the previous year at the lowest growth rate ever. When new stores were excluded, the growth rate of sales at all stores fell by 2.1 percent, which was the largest-ever fall. The fall was attributed to sluggish sales of seasonal products such as soft drinks, ice cream and cold noodles due to the cool summer last year, the association said.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Takuro11 Feb 04

 

“The Lowest Rate of Growth in Total Sales of Convenience Stores in 2003”

 

According to statistics released by the Association of Franchise Chain Stores of Japan on January 20, the value of total sales of thirteen convenience chains in 2003 amounted to about 7 trillion yen. They increased by 1.7 percent from those in 2003, the lowest growth rate in history. Excluding total sales of new convenience stores that opened in 2003, the value of total sales decreased by 2.1 percent from those in 2002, the largest percentage decrease in history again. An decrease in the sale of summer goods such as cold drink, ice cream and summer clothing during the cool summer this year was a major reason for the decrease in the value of annual sales.

 

添削

 

“The Lowest Rate of Growth in Total Sales of Convenience Stores in 20031

 

According to statistics2 released by the Association of Franchise Chain Stores of Japan on January 20, the value of the total sales of thirteen convenience chains in 2003 amounted to about 7 trillion yen. They It increased by 1.7 percent from those that in 2003, which was3 the lowest growth rate in history. Excluding total sales of new convenience stores that opened in 2003, the value of total sales decreased by 2.1 percent4 from those that in 2002, again, the largest percentage decrease in history again. An A decrease in the sales of summer goods such as cold drinks5, ice cream and summer clothing during the cool summer this year was a major reason for the decrease in the value of annual sales.

 

コメント

 

1.       「コンベニ売上高の伸び率は過去最低」は文にすればTotal sales of convenience stores increased at the lowest rate in 2003. と表現できますが、名詞節にするとTakuroさんのようになりますね。ここでは記事の題名なので短く簡潔なTakuroさんのものがよいです。

 

2.       「日本フランチャイズチェーン協会が1月20日発表した2003年のコンビニエンスストアの売上高統計によると、」もいろいろな表現の仕方があります。日本文の構成に従って、According to the value of the total sales of convenience stores in 2003 released by the Association of Franchise Chain Stores of Japan on January 20, the growth rate of total sales ~とすると修飾節が長くなり内容が複雑になってしまいます。ここではTakuroさんのように内容を二つに分けたほうがわかりやすくなります。または On January 20, the Association of Franchise Chain Stores of Japan announced that the value of total sales ~とする方法もあります。

 

3.       which was を入れたほうが読みやすいと思います。

 

4.       「既存店ベースの伸び率はマイナス2・1%で」は日本文に引きづられて、the value of total sales increased by minus 2.1 percentとしないで、Takuroさのようにdecreased by 2.1 percentとするのがよいです。

 

5.       コンベニの冷蔵庫の中にはいろいろな種類の冷たい飲み物がありますね。ここではそれぞれのん種類をa drink と数えます。

 

添削後の文章

 

“The Lowest Rate of Growth in Total Sales of Convenience Stores in 2003”

 

According to statistics released by the Association of Franchise Chain Stores of Japan on January 20, the value of the total sales of thirteen convenience chains in 2003 amounted to about 7 trillion yen. It increased by 1.7 percent from that in 2003, which was the lowest growth rate in history. Excluding total sales of new convenience stores that opened in 2003, the value of total sales decreased by 2.1 percent from that in 2002, again, the largest percentage decrease in history again. A decrease in the sales of summer goods such as cold drinks, ice cream and summer clothing during the cool summer this year was a major reason for the decrease in the value of annual sales.

 

 

中級問題 127 「2003年に旅券の発行数が減少」

 

外務省は1月20日、2003年に国内で発行された一般旅券(パスポート)は約272万冊で前年から27%減少したと発表した。米国で同時多発テロが起きた2001年の減少率26%を上回り、戦後最大の減り方という。同省旅券課によると、テロへの不安や新型肺炎SARSの流行が影響していると見られる。

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 9 October 12

 

"Number of Passports Issued in Japan Went Down in 2003"    

 

The Foreign Ministry announced on January 20 that the number of passports issued in 2003 went down by 27% from the previous year to 2.72 million. This is the largest decline in the postwar period, surpassing the 26 percent recorded in 2001, the year of the September 11 terrorist attacks in the U.S. The Passport Division of the Ministry puts the decline down to concern about terrorism and the SARS epidemic.

 

添削

 

"Number of Passports Issued in Japan Went Down in 2003" 

 

The Foreign Ministry announced on January 20 that the number of passports issued in 2003 went down by 27% from the previous year to 2.72 million. This was is the largest decline in the postwar period, surpassing the 26 percent recorded in 2001, the year of the September 11 terrorist attacks in the U.S. The Passport Division of the Ministry puts attributes the decline down to concern about terrorism and the SARS epidemic.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Number of Passports Issued in Japan Went Down in 2003" 

 

The Foreign Ministry announced on January 20 that the number of passports issued in 2003 went down by 27% from the previous year to 2.72 million. This was the largest decline in the postwar period, surpassing the 26 percent recorded in 2001, the year of the September 11 terrorist attacks in the U.S. The Passport Division of the Ministry attributes the decline to concern about terrorism and the SARS epidemic.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Lucca, 26 July 11

 

The Number of Passports Issued in Japan Decrease in 2003

 

The Ministry of Foreign Affairs announced on January 20 that the number of passports issued in Japan in 2003 was 2.72 million, a decrease of 27 percent from last year. This was the largest decrease after the world War II and surpassed the record of 26 percent in 2001 when the September 11 terrorist attacks occurred in the U.S. According of the passport division in the Ministry, the decrease was influenced by the concern about terrorism and the SARS epidemic.

 

添削

 

The Number of Passports Issued in Japan Decrease in 2003

 

The Ministry of Foreign Affairs announced on January 20 that the number of passports issued in Japan in 2003 was 2.72 million, a decrease of 27 percent from last year. This was the largest decrease after the world War II and surpassed the record of 26 percent in 2001 when the September 11 terrorist attacks occurred in the U.S. According of the passport division in the Ministry, the decrease was influenced by the concern about terrorism and the SARS epidemic.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。添削箇所はありません。

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 8 September 07

 

"Number of passports issued in Japan decreases in 2003"

 

An announcement by the Ministry of Foreign Affairs on January 20 showed that the number of regular passports issued in Japan in 2003 decreased by 27 percent from last year to approximately 2.72 millions. The 27 percent decrease was larger than 26 percent in 2001, when the terrorist attacks occurred in the U.S. and was the largest after the war. The decrease reflected the downturn in international travel due to security concerns and the spread of the SARS virus, the officials said.

 

添削

 

"Number of passports issued in Japan decreases in 2003"

 

An announcement by the Ministry of Foreign Affairs on January 20 showed that the number of regular passports issued in Japan in 2003 decreased by 27 percent from last year to approximately 2.72 millions. The 27 percent decrease was larger than the 26 percent decrease in 2001, when the terrorist attacks occurred in the U.S. and was the largest after in the post-Second World War period the war. The decrease reflected the downturn in international travel due to security concerns and the spread of the SARS virus, the officials said.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますがafter the warthe warがどの戦争か分かりません。友人の国際関係論の先生の話によると、戦前、戦後という言葉を使うと「先生、どの戦争ですか?」という質問が出るそうです。内容が整理された読みやすい英文です。

 

添削後の文章

 

An announcement by the Ministry of Foreign Affairs on January 20 showed that the number of regular passports issued in Japan in 2003 decreased by 27 percent from last year to approximately 2.72 million. The 27 percent decrease was larger than the 26 percent decrease in 2001 when terrorist attacks occurred in the U.S. and was the largest in the post-Second World War period. The decrease reflected the downturn in international travel due to security concern and the spread of SARS, the officials said.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NOMU, 21 Feb 04

 

"The Number of Issued Passport in Japan Declined in 2003"

 

Foreign Ministry announced on January 20 that the number of passports issued in Japan in 2003 was 2,720,000 down by 27% from the previous year. This declining rate was even bigger than 26% of 2001 when simultaneous terrorists attack occurred in the U.S. and also the most significant decline since World WarU. The Passport Division of the Ministry considers anxiety for terrorism and the epidemic of SARS as factors for the decline.

 

添削

 

"The Number of Issued Passports Issued in Japan Declined in 2003"

 

Foreign MinistryThe Ministry of Foreign Affairs announced on January 20 that the number of passports issued in Japan in 2003 was 2,720,000, a down by 27% decrease from the previous year. and This declining rate  was even bigger larger than the 26% decrease of in 2001 when simultaneous terrorists attack occurred in the U.S. So far, this was1 and also the most significant single year decline since the end of World WarU. The Passport Division of the Ministry believes that anxiety for about terrotism terrorism and the epidemic of SARS decreased passport applications2. as factors for the decline.

 

コメント

 

1.       “that the number of passports issued in Japan in 2003”が主語でこれに a 27% decrease ~, was even larger than ~と補語句と節がかかります。もう一つ、同じ主語を使って、and also was the most significant ~と続けると、文が長くなりすぎるので、ここで新しい文にします。しかし、またThis was the most significant ~とすると、前の文とのつながりが弱くなるので、So far, と接続句を入れました。

 

2.       添削のようにすると内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

"The Number of Passports Issued in Japan Declined in 2003"

 

The Ministry of Foreign Affairs announced on January 20 that the number of passports issued in Japan in 2003 was 2,720,000, a 27% decrease from the previous year and was even larger than the 26% decrease in 2001 when simultaneous terrorists attack occurred in the U.S. So far, this was the most significant single year decline since the end of World War II. The Passport Division of the Ministry believes that anxiety about terrorism and the epidemic of SARS decreased passport applications.

 

 

中級問題 128 「大学でマルチ商法被害急増」

 

就職難にあえぐ大学生らを狙い「週に7、8万円の収入」「友だちを誘って金持ちに」などと言葉巧みに誘い、化粧品や健康食品を売り付けるマルチ商法被害が急増し、経済産業省は1月20日、被害拡大を防ぐため、文部科学省に対し、全国の大学に注意喚起するよう文書で異例の要請をした。

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 9 October 12

 

"Increasing number of Victims of Pyramid Schemes in Universities" 

 

On January 20, the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry made an unusual request to the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology in writing that the ministry call the attention of universities nationwide to pyramid schemes to prevent such schemes from spreading. This is to cope with sharp increases in the victims of pyramid schemes, particularly among university students who are struggling with job scarcity. In order to cajole cash-strapped students into buying cosmetics or health food that are used for reselling to their friends, a con-artist uses sweet phrases like “You can get seven to eight thousand yen a week simply by enrolling your friend to the scheme."

 

添削

 

"Increasing number of Victims of Pyramid Schemes at in Universities" 

 

On January 20, the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry made an unusual request to the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology (MECSST) in writing that MECSST the ministry call the attention of universities nationwide to pyramid schemes to prevent such schemes from spreading. This was is to cope with a sharp increases in the victims of pyramid schemes, particularly among university students who were are struggling with the current job scarcity. In order to cajole cash-strapped students into buying cosmetics or health food that are used for reselling to their friends, a con-artist uses sweet phrases like “You can get seven to eight thousand yen a week simply by enrolling your friend to the scheme."

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Increasing number of Victims of Pyramid Schemes at  Universities" 

 

On January 20, the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry made an unusual request to the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology (MECSST) in writing that MECSST call the attention of universities nationwide to pyramid schemes to prevent such schemes from spreading. This was to cope with a sharp increase in the victims of pyramid schemes, particularly among university students who were struggling with the current job scarcity. In order to cajole cash-strapped students into buying cosmetics or health food that are used for reselling to their friends, a con-artist uses sweet phrases like “You can get seven to eight thousand yen a week simply by enrolling your friend to the scheme."

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Lucca, 26 July 11

 

The Victim of Pyramid Schemes are increasing in Universities

 

The victim of pyramid schemes are increasing among university students. The swindlers talk to the students persuasively to create their interest and sell cosmetics or health food to the students. Because it is difficult for the students to find a job recently, the students tend to be deceived by honeyed words, for example, "You can get 70,000 or 80,000 yen a week." or "You can make money to sell these goods to your friend."  To prevent the victim from spreading, the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry unusually requested in writing on January 20 that the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sport, Science and Technology should warn universities nationwide about the fast-growing pyramid schemes.

 

添削

 

The Victims of Pyramid Schemes are iIncreasing at in Universities

 

The victims of pyramid schemes are increasing among university students. The sSwindlers talk to the students persuasively to create attract their interest and sell cosmetics or health food to them students. Because it is difficult for the students to find a job recently, the students can tend to be deceived by honeyed words, for example, "You can get 70,000 or 80,000 yen a week." or "You can get make money when you invite your friends to sell these goods to your friend."  To prevent such schemes the victim from spreading2, the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry took an unusually measure of requesteding in writing on January 20 that the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sport, Science and Technology (MECSST) in writing on January 20 that MECSST should warn universities nationwide about the fast-growing pyramid schemes.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますがTo prevent the victim from spreadingのところがわかりません(推測は出来ますが)。

 

1.       ネズミ講は親が子、孫、、、と仲間を増やして子、孫、、から受け取る手数料でもうける仕組みです。

 

2.       このような形かまたは to prevent any further spreading of the schemesとします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Victims of Pyramid Schemes are Increasing at Universities

 

The victims of pyramid schemes are increasing among university students. Swindlers talk to students persuasively to attract their interest and sell cosmetics or health food to them. Because it is difficult for the students to find a job recently, the students can be deceived by honeyed words, for example, "You can get 70,000 or 80,000 yen a week." or "You can get  money when you invite your friends to sell these goods." To prevent such schemes from spreading, the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry took an unusual measure of requesting the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sport, Science and Technology (MECSST) in writing on January 20 that MECSST should warn universities nationwide about the fast-growing pyramid schemes.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 29 October 07

 

"More and More Students Caught in Pyramid Scheme"

 

An increasing number of university students have been defrauded out of money in a pyramid scheme. These students have difficulty finding employment, so they are deceived by attractive phrases such as "You can easily get seven to eight thousand yen a week" and "You can get rich simply by selling a product to your friends." And then they are defrauded out of money by being forced to purchase cosmetics and health food products that are needed to sell. In response to the current situation, the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry requested in writing on January 20 that the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports and Technology should warn universities nationwide against a pyramid scheme.

 

添削

 

"More and More Students Caught in Pyramid Scheme"

 

An increasing number of university students have been defrauded out of money in a pyramid scheme. These students have difficulty finding employment, so they are easily deceived by attractive phrases such as "You can easily get seven to eight thousand yen a week" and "You can get rich simply by selling a product to your friends." And then they are defrauded out of money by being forced to purchase cosmetics and health food products that are needed to sell to their friends. In response to the current situation, the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry requested in writing on January 20 that the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports and Technology should warn universities nationwide against about such a pyramid scheme.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"More and More Students Caught in Pyramid Scheme"

 

An increasing number of university students have been defrauded out of money in a pyramid scheme. These students have difficulty finding employment, so they are easily deceived by attractive phrases such as "You can easily get seven to eight thousand yen a week" and "You can get rich simply by selling a product to your friends." And then they are defrauded out of money by being forced to purchase cosmetics and health food products that are needed to sell to their friends. In response to the current situation, the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry requested in writing on January 20 that the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports and Technology should warn universities nationwide about such a pyramid scheme.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NOMU, 3 Feb 04

 

"The Victim of Pyramid Selling Has Soared"

 

The victim of pyramid selling is increasing rapidly among university students who are struggling to get a job. They are deceived by smooth talk such as: "You will be able to earn 70 to 80thousand yen a week with this scheme if you persuade your friends to buy these products. Don't miss the chance to get rich." Then they end up buying unnecessary cosmetics and healthy foods. The Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry made an unusual documentary

request on January 20 to the Ministry of Education Culture, Sports Science and Technology to warn universities against pyramid selling in order to prevent more victims.

 

添削

 

"The Victims of Pyramid Selling Has Soared Are Soaring among University Students"

 

The victim of pyramid selling is increasing rapidly among university students who are struggling to get a job1. They are deceived by smooth talk such as: "You will be able to earn 70 to 80 thousand yen a week with this scheme if you persuade your friends to buy these products. Don't miss the chance to get rich.2" Then they end up buying unnecessary cosmetics and healthy foods. On January 20, Tthe Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry made an unusual documentary request , in writing, on January 20 to the Ministry of Education Culture, Sports Science and Technology3 to warn universities against pyramid selling in order to prevent more victims.

 

コメント

 

日本文は長い一文ですが、NOMUさんは内容をよく考えて上手に分割して英文で表現しています。

 

1.       「就職難にあえぐ大学生」を university students who are struggling to get a job.とわかりやすく表現しています。私は As university students face a tough job market, they become vulnerable to tempting offers such as ~としてみましたが、NOMUさんの投稿のほうがわかりやすです。

 

2.       「週に7、8万円の収入」「友だちを誘って金持ちに」を"You will be able to earn 70 to 80 thousand yen a week with this scheme if you persuade your friends to buy these products. Don't miss the chance to get rich.”と表現したのはマルチ商法の内容を考えていてわかりやすいですね。

 

3.       日本の役所の名前はNOMUさんのようにフルネームで書くのがよいと思います。日本語では短い通称がありますが、英語ではまだ略称が確立していないようです。昔の通産省は英語の経済記事ではMITIで通用しました。良くも悪くもMITIが世界で幅を利かせていた時代がありました。

 

添削後の文章

 

" Victims of Pyramid Selling Are Soaring among University Students"

 

The victim of pyramid selling is increasing rapidly among university students who are struggling to get a job. They are deceived by smooth talk such as: "You will be able to earn 70 to 80 thousand yen a week with this scheme if you persuade your friends to buy these products. Don't miss the chance to get rich." Then they end up buying unnecessary cosmetics and health foods. On January 20, the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry made an unusual request, in writing, to the Ministry of Education Culture, Sports Science and Technology to warn universities against pyramid selling in order to prevent more victims.

 

 

中級問題 129 「中国の輸入乗用車台数46%増」

 

中級練習問題 129 「中国の輸入乗用車台数46%増」

 

2003年に中国が輸入した乗用車の台数は前年比46.4%増の10万3017台に上った。商用車などを含めた全体では34.6%増の17万2683台。19日の新華社電が伝えた。乗用車のうち、排気量2.5〜3.0リットルの車が前年の3倍、3.0リットル以上は2倍に増えており、1.5リットル以下の小型車は25%減った。1台の平均価格は3万ドル(約320万円)近くに達し、価格ベースで輸入実績をみると前年比で91%も伸びた。

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 9 October 12

 

"China Imports 46% More Passenger Vehicles" 

 

The Xinhua News Agency reported that China imported as many as 103,017 passenger vehicles in 2003, up 46.7% from the previous year. When commercial vehicles were included, the number of imported vehicles went up to 172,683, an increase of 34.6%. By engine capacity, passenger vehicles with 2,500cc to 3,000cc engine increased threefold, those above 3,000cc increased twofold, while those below 1,500cc decreased by 25%. The average price per vehicle reached nearly 30,000 dollars or 3.2 million yen, thus inflating the value of the vehicle imports by 91% versus last year.

 

添削

 

"China Imports 46% More Passenger Vehicles in 2003 than 2002" 

 

The Xinhua News Agency reported that China imported as many as 103,017 passenger vehicles in 2003, up 46.7% from the previous year. When commercial vehicles were included, the number of imported vehicles went up to 172,683, an increase of 34.6%. By engine capacity, passenger vehicles with a 2,500cc to 3,000cc engine increased threefold, those above 3,000cc increased twofold, while those below 1,500cc decreased by 25%. The average price per vehicle reached nearly 30,000 dollars or 3.2 million yen, thus inflating the value of the vehicle imports by 91% versus over the last year.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"China Imports 46% More Passenger Vehicles in 2003 than 2002" 

 

The Xinhua News Agency reported that China imported as many as 103,017 passenger vehicles in 2003, up 46.7% from the previous year. When commercial vehicles were included, the number of imported vehicles went up to 172,683, an increase of 34.6%. By engine capacity, passenger vehicles with a 2,500cc to 3,000cc engine increased threefold, those above 3,000cc increased twofold, while those below 1,500cc decreased by 25%. The average price per vehicle reached nearly 30,000 dollars or 3.2 million yen, thus inflating the value of the vehicle imports by 91% over the last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Lucca, 28 July 11

 

The Number of Imported Passenger Cars Increase by 46 Percent in China

 

According to Xinhua News Agency, the number of passenger cars that China imported in 2003 reached 103,017, an increase of 46.4 percent from last year. The total number of imported cars including commercial cars were 172,683, an increase of 34.6 percent. Out of passenger cars, the cars of from 2500 to 3000 cc displacement tripled and the cars of more than 3000 cc displacement doubled, but the compact cars of less than 1500 cc displacement decreased by 25 percent. The average price per car reached nearly 30,000 US dollar or about 3,200,000 yen and imported cars have increased in value. As a result, the import experience showed a increase of 91 percent from the last year.

 

添削

 

The Number of Imported Passenger Cars Increase by 46 Percent in China in 20031

 

According to Xinhua News Agency, the number of passenger cars that China imported in 2003 reached 103,017, an increase of 46.4 percent from last year. The total number of imported cars including commercial cars were was 172,683, an increase of 34.6 percent. Out of passenger cars, the cars of from 2500 to 3000 cc displacement tripled and the cars of more than 3000 cc displacement doubled, but the compact cars of less than 1500 cc displacement decreased by 25 percent. The average price per car reached nearly 30,000 US dollar or about 3,200,000 yen. and imported cars have increased in value. As a result, the total value of automobile imports2 experience showed a increased by of 91 percent from the last year.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       China Imported 46 Percent More Passenger Cars in 2003Chinaを主語のしたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       数量ベース(自動車の数)に対比して価格ベースは自動車の輸入総額を指していますから、the value of automobile importsでよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Number of Imported Passenger Cars Increase by 46 Percent in China in 2003

 

According to Xinhua News Agency, the number of passenger cars that China imported in 2003 reached 103,017, an increase of 46.4 percent from last year. The total number of imported cars including commercial cars was 172,683, an increase of 34.6 percent. Out of passenger cars, the cars of from 2500 to 3000 cc displacement tripled and the cars of more than 3000 cc displacement doubled, but the compact cars of less than 1500 cc displacement decreased by 25 percent. The average price per car reached nearly 30,000 US dollar or about 3,200,000 yen. As a result, the total value of automobile imports increased by 91 percent from the last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 10 September 07

 

Passenger vehicle imports up 46.6% in China

 

China imported 103,017 passenger vehicles in 2003, an increase of 46.4% from last year, the Xinhua News Agency reported. The number of imported vehicles including commercial ones reached 172,683 in total, an increase of 34.6% year-on-year. Out of these imported vehicles, passenger vehicles with engine capacity from 2500cc to 3000cc tripled and those above 3000cc doubled while small-sized vehicles below 1500cc decreased by 25%. The average price per vehicle reached nearly 30,000 dollars. The total value of these imports surged by 91% over the last year's level.

 

添削

 

Imports of Passenger vVehicles imports uUp 46.6% in China

 

China imported 103,017 passenger vehicles in 2003, an increase of 46.4% from last year, the Xinhua News Agency reported. When commercial vehicles were included, Tthe total number of imported vehicles including commercial ones reached 172,683 in total, an increase of 34.6% year-on-year. Out of these imported vehicles, passenger vehicles with the engine capacity from 2500cc to 3000cc tripled and those above 3000cc doubled while small-sized vehicles below 1500cc decreased by 25%. The average price per vehicle reached nearly 30,000 dollars. The total value of these imports surged by 91% over the last year's level.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。数字の多い文章ですが、整理されているので読みやすいです。The number of imported vehicles including commercial ones reached 172,683 in totalcommercial vehiclesを入れてというところを添削のようにすると、もっと読みやすくなるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Imports of Passenger Vehicles Up 46.6% in China

 

China imported 103,017 passenger vehicles in 2003, an increase of 46.4% from last year, the Xinhua News Agency reported. When commercial vehicles were included, the total number of imported vehicles reached 172,683, an increase of 34.6% year-on-year. Out of these imported vehicles, passenger vehicles with the engine capacity from 2500cc to 3000cc tripled and those above 3000cc doubled while small-sized vehicles below 1500cc decreased by 25%. The average price per vehicle reached nearly 30,000 dollars. The total value of these imports surged by 91% over the last year's level.

 

 

読者からの投稿 (ぶんちゃん、27 June 04

 

The passenger vehicles that China imported in 2003 reached at one hundred and three thousands and seventeen in number, up by forty-six point four percent from the previous year. Total number of vehicles including commercial ones is one hundred and seventy-two thousands and six hundreds and eighty-three, up by thirty-four point six percent, announced Shinkashaden company. The passenger vehicles of two point five to three point zero liter displacement have tripled, and ones of over three point liter have doubled, while small-sized vehicles of one point five liter or less have decreased by twenty-five percent. The average price per a vehicle reached nearly at thirty thousand dollars, or about three million and two hundred thousand yen, and the import result showed the increase by ninety-one percent on the price basis.

 

 

添削

 

“China Imports 46 Percent More Passenger Vehicles in 20031

 

The passenger vehicles that China imported in 2003 reached at 103,0172one hundred and three thousands and seventeen in number, up by 46.4% 3forty-six point four percent from the previous year4. The Ttotal number of vehicles, including commercial ones, is was 172,683one hundred and seventy-two thousands and six hundreds and eighty-three, up by 34.6% thirty-four point six percent, announced Shinkashaden News company. The passenger vehicles of with the engine displacement size of 2.5 two point five to three point zero liters displacement have tripled, and ones of over 3.0 three point liters have doubled, while small-sized vehicles of with 1.5 one point five liters  or less have decreased by 25.0 % twenty-five percent. The average price per a vehicle reached nearly at thirty thousand dollars, or about three million and two hundred thousand yen., As a result, the value of total auto imports   and the import result showed the increased by 91%  ninety- one percent on the price basis5.

 

添削

 

1.       例題に題のついているときは、これも英語で表現してください。簡潔な英語表現の練習になります。

 

2.       英文中の数字表現はなかなか難しいですが、この例題のように細かな数字(103,107)があるときには数字表現のほうが英単語表現よりわかりやすいです。

 

3.       パーセントが文章の中に幾つも出てくるときは、数字表現(46.4%)がわかりやすくなります。

 

4.       中国を主語にすると英文が易しくなります。China imported 103,017 passenger vehicles in 2003. This was a 46.4% increase from the previous year.

 

5.       日本文の内容を再構築してから英文で表現すると易しくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“China Imports 46 Percent More Passenger in 2003”

 

The passenger vehicles that China imported in 2003 reached 103,017 in number, up by 46.4% from the previous year. The total number of vehicles, including commercial ones, was 172,683, up by 34.6%, announced Shinkashaden News. The passenger vehicles with the engine displacement size of 2.5 liters have tripled, and ones of over 3.0 t liters have doubled, while small-sized vehicles with 1.5 liters or less have decreased by 25.0 %. The average price per vehicle reached nearly thirty thousand dollars, or about three million and two hundred thousand yen. As a result, the value of total auto imports increased by 91%.

 

 

中級問題 130 「東京都世田谷区は学校選択制採用しないことに決定」

 

東京都世田谷区の熊本区長は1月20日記者会見し、入学する公立小中学校を選ぶことができる「学校選択制」について「地域に根ざした教育を推進するため世田谷区では当面、採用しない」と表明した。

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 28 October 12

 

"Setagaya Ward, Tokyo Not Adopt School Choice System" 

 

Mr. Kumamoto, Mayor of Setagaya Ward, told press conference on January 20 that the ward would, for some time to come, not adopt “school choice system” that allows prospective students to freely choose a public elementary or junior high school in the ward. Rather, he advocates the current school district system based solely on the place of student’s residence because it can promote education better tailored to the community needs.

 

添削

 

"Setagaya Ward, Tokyo, Not Adopt School Choice System" 

 

Mr. Kumamoto, Mayor of Setagaya Ward, told the press at a press conference on January 20 that the ward would, for some time to come, not adopt the “school choice system” that would allows prospective students to freely choose a public elementary or junior high school in the ward. Rather, he advocatesd to maintain the current school district system based solely on the place of student’s residence because it could can promote education that was better tailored to the community needs.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Setagaya Ward, Tokyo, Not Adopt School Choice System" 

 

Mr. Kumamoto, Mayor of Setagaya Ward, told the press at a press conference on January 20 that the ward would, for some time to come, not adopt the “school choice system” that would allow prospective students to freely choose a public elementary or junior high school in the ward. Rather, he advocated to maintain the current school district system based solely on the place of student’s residence because it could promote education that was better tailored to the community needs.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Lucca, 27 July 11

 

Setagaya Ward Decides not to Introduce the School Choice Program

 

At a press conference on January 20, Mr. Kumamoto, the director of Setagaya Ward, announced not to introduce the school choice program, which made it possible for children to attend a public elementary school and junior high school that children and their parents hoped, for the time being. Mr. Kumamoto also said that he wanted to promote the community based education in Setagaya Ward. Generally children until 15 years old are supposed to attend designated school in their region.

 

添削

 

Setagaya Ward Decides not to Introduce the School Choice Program

 

At a press conference on January 20, Mr. Kumamoto, Mayor1 the director of Setagaya Ward, announced not to introduce the school choice program, which made it possible for children to attend a public elementary school and junior high school of their choice that children and their parents hoped, for the time being. Mr. Kumamoto also said that this was because2 he wanted to promote the current community based education system in Setagaya Ward. Generally, children until 15 years old are supposed to attend designated schools designated in their places of residence region3.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       日本語と英語の役職名の対応は難しいですが、ここでは「選挙で選ばれた行政の最高職」という意味でa mayorが一番わかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       このようにすると前の文の内容とのつながりがよくなります。

 

3.       役に立つ補足説明です。

 

添削後の文章

 

Setagaya Ward Decides not to Introduce the School Choice Program

 

At a press conference on January 20, Mr. Kumamoto, Mayor of Setagaya Ward, announced not to introduce the school choice program, which made it possible for children to attend a public elementary school and junior high school of their choice, for the time being. Mr. Kumamoto also said that this was because he wanted to promote the current community based education system in Setagaya Ward. Generally, children until 15 years old are supposed to attend schools designated in their places of residence .

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 29 October 07

 

"Setagaya Ward will not Introduce a School Choice System"

 

Setagaya Ward in Tokyo will not introduce a school choice system in which parents can choose which public elementary and junior high school their children attend. Mayor Kumamoto announced the statement at a press conference on January 20. Under the current system, parents are required to send their children to the closest school according to the parent's place of residence. The current system enables parents, teachers and local communities to work together in order to foster children, Mr. Kumamoto said.

 

添削

 

"Setagaya Ward will not Introduce a School Choice System"

 

Setagaya Ward in Tokyo will not introduce a school choice system in which parents can choose which public elementary and junior high school their children attend. Mayor Kumamoto announced the statement decision at a press conference on January 20. Under the current system, parents are required to send their children to the closest school according to the parent's their place of residence. The current system has merits of enablesing parents, teachers and local communities to work together in order to foster children, Mr. Kumamoto said.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。日本文には無い現行制度との比較があるので内容がわかりやすいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Setagaya Ward will not Introduce a School Choice System"

 

Setagaya Ward in Tokyo will not introduce a school choice system in which parents can choose which public elementary and junior high school their children attend. Mayor Kumamoto announced the decision at a press conference on January 20. Under the current system, parents are required to send their children to the closest school according to the their place of residence. The current system has merits of enabling parents, teachers and local communities to work together in order to foster children, Mr. Kumamoto said.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(ごろう、23 July 04

 

“Setagaya Ward in Tokyo Decided not to Adopt Flexible School Choice”

 

At a press conference on January 20, head of Setagaya Ward in Tokyo said that the ward would not adopt a flexible school choice system where each student could freely choose a public elementary or junior high school in the ward. The head explained that the ward would maintain the current system where a student goes to the closest school from home because this system would promote education based on local needs.

 

添削

 

“Setagaya Ward in Tokyo Has Decided not to Adopt a Flexible School Choice”

 

At a press conference on January 20, the head of Setagaya Ward in Tokyo said that the ward would not adopt a flexible school choice system1 where each student could freely choose a public elementary or junior high school in the ward. The head explained that the ward would maintain the current system2 where a student goes to the closest school from home because this system would promote education based on local needs.

 

コメント

 

1.       日本文の要旨は、「世田谷区は学校選択制を採用しない。」、「世田谷区は現在の学区制を維持する。」の二つですね。ただし、日本文では2番目の要旨は読者が理解しているものとして隠れています。ごろうさんは2番目の要旨を補足して説明しています。

 

2.       A flexible system where ~the current system where ~が一対の並列構造になっていてわかりやすいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

At a press conference on January 20, the head of Setagaya Ward in Tokyo said that the ward would not adopt a flexible school choice system where each student could freely choose a public elementary or junior high school in the ward. The head explained that the ward would maintain the current system where a student goes to the closest school from home because this system would promote education based on local needs.