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中級練習問題の添削 111−120

 

中級問題 111「コンベニエンスストアでCD(17 Jan 04) (14 Nov 06) (9 Nov 07)

(1 Mar 08) (28 June 11) (20 Aug 12)

中級問題 112「強まる人民元切り上げの圧力」(16 Jan 04) (15 Oct 07) (7 Mar 08)

(29 Aug 12)

中級問題 113「熟年夫婦向け分譲マンション」(17 Jan 04) (23 Jan 04) (14 Feb 07)

(10 Nov 07) (1 July 11) (29 Aug 12)

中級問題 114「携帯電話の役割の変化」(22 Jan 04) (11 Oct 07) (1 July 11) (29 Aug 12)

中級問題 115「ベートーベンの手書きの楽譜の競売(23 Jan 04) (29 Jan 04)

(11 Nov 07) (4 July 11) (3 Sept 12)

中級問題 116「一番悲しいこと」(20 Jan 04) (30 Nov 06) (13 Nov 07) (4 July 11)

(3 Sept 12)

中級問題 117「高速バッティングロボット」(24 Jan 04) (14 Nov 07) (5 July 11)

(3 Sept 12)

中級問題 118「お話会のお知らせ」(27 Jan 04) (15 Nov 07) (5 July 11) (9 Sept 12)

中級問題 119「ITの将来」(27 Jan 04) (16 Nov 07) (7 July 11) (9 Sept 12)

中級問題 120「正月三が日の人出予測」(29 Jan 04) (11 Sept 07) (7 July 11) (9 Sept 12)

 

中級問題 111「コンベニエンスストアでCD

 

音楽CDを売るコンベニエンスストアが出てきた。限定発売だったり、菓子のおまけにしたりと、趣向も凝っている。コンベニエンスストアは10代がよく利用することに加え、いつでも24時間、欲しいと思えばCDが手にとれる魅力がある。

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 20 August 12

 

"CDs Sold at Convenience Stores" 

 

Lately, some convenience stores have begun to sell music CDs. The way they sell CDs is rather out-of-box. Some CDs are sold as a limited-edition, while other CDs as a free gift to cookies. A convenience store can be an excellent sales outlet for CDs not only because it has a large traffic of teenage customers, but also because its around-the-clock operation allows customers to pick up CDs at any time they like.

 

添削

 

"CDs Sold at Convenience Stores" 

 

Lately, some convenience stores have begun to sell music CDs. The way they sell CDs is rather unique out-of-box. Some CDs are sold as a limited-editions, while other CDs as a free gifts given to customers who buy cake to cookies. A convenience store can be an excellent sales outlet for CDs not only because it has a large traffic of teenage customers, but also because its around-the-clock operation allows customers to pick up CDs at any time they like.

 

コメント

 

内容のほぼ総てがわかります。a free gift to cookiesは補足説明が必要でしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"CDs Sold at Convenience Stores" 

 

Lately, some convenience stores have begun to sell music CDs. The way they sell CDs is rather unique. Some CDs are sold as limited-editions, while other CDs as free gifts given to customers who buy cake. A convenience store can be an excellent sales outlet for CDs not only because it has a large traffic of teenage customers but also because its around-the-clock operation allows customers to pick up CDs at any time they like.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 28 June 11

 

Convenience Store Starts Selling Music CD

 

Convenience stores have started selling music CDs. They provided some ideas to promote the selling of CD such as a limited edition CD or a CD with snacks. Convenience stores are becoming the best place to sell music CDs. This is because teens stop by convenience stores all day and night. In addition people can buy a CD anytime 24 hours a day at convenience stores.

 

添削

 

Convenience Stores Starts Selling Music CDs

 

Convenience stores have started selling music CDs. They provided have introduced some new ideas to promote the selling of CDs such as a limited editions of CDs or a CDs with snacks. Convenience stores are becoming the best place to sell music CDs. This is because teens stop by convenience stores all day and night. In addition, people can buy a CD anytime 24 hours a day1 at convenience stores.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。

 

1.       24 hours a dayは本来は名詞句ですが、「一日24時間中に」という意味の副詞句として使われるようになりました。従って anytimeは必要有りません。

 

添削後の文章

 

Convenience Stores Start Selling Music CDs

 

Convenience stores have started selling music CDs. They have introduced some new ideas to promote selling CDs such as limited editions of CDs or CDs with snacks. Convenience stores are becoming the best place to sell music CDs. This is because teens stop by convenience stores day and night. In addition, people can buy a CD 24 hours a day at convenience stores.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(さくら、1 March 08

 

A convenience store specialized in music CDs has come out. They vary their sales ways like selling CDs with limited editions or together with sweets. The store will appeal to consumers because it is handy to get CDs whenever they want to. Teenagers will also come to the store because convenience stores are familiar place to them.

 

添削

 

A cConvenience stores have started selling specialized in music CDs has come out. They vary try inventive methods of their sales ways like selling CDs such as just with selling limited editions or together with sweets. The convenience stores will appeal to teenager consumers who often visit them 24 hours a day and take a look at CDs before they buy because it is handy to get CDs whenever they want to. Teenagers will also come to the store because convenience stores are familiar place to them.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、内容が錯綜してすっきりしません。

 

1.       音楽CD売る、ということでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Convenience stores have started selling music CDs. They try inventive methods of selling CDs such as just selling limited editions or together with sweets. The convenience stores will appeal to teenager consumers who often visit them 24 hours a day and take a look at CDs before they buy.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 9 Nov 07

 

"Music CDs are Available at Convenience Stores"

 

Some convenience stores have started to sell music CDs. These convenience stores are working out an elaborate plan to promote the sales; some exclusively sell music CDs as limited edition while others attach them to snacks as free gifts. Now, convenience stores are becoming an attractive sales channel for music CDs because many teenagers stop by there and customers can buy music CDs anytime.

 

添削

 

"Music CDs are Available at Convenience Stores"

 

Some convenience stores have started to sell music CDs. These convenience stores are working out an elaborate plan to promote the sales;1 some exclusively sell limited editions of music CDs as limited edition while others attach them to snacks as free gifts. Now, convenience stores are becoming an attractive sales channel for music CDs because many teenagers stop by there and customers can buy music CDs anytime of the day.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

前の文の内容を受けて次に続けるときに、and , then, nextなどを使わずにセミコロン、;を使うときがあります。ピリオドで文を切るより内容の関連が深くなります。現在では英字新聞で多用されていますね。ここはセミコロンが効果的ですね。私はセミコロンの使い方が苦手です。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Music CDs are Available at Convenience Stores"

 

Some convenience stores have started to sell music CDs. These convenience stores are working out an elaborate plan to promote the sales; some exclusively sell limited editions of music CDs while others attach them to snacks as free gifts. Now, convenience stores are becoming an attractive sales channel for music CDs because many teenagers stop by there and customers can buy music CDs anytime of the day.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(YASUKUN, 11 November 06

 

"Music CDs Are On Sale In Convenience Stores"

 

Some convenience stores have started to sell music CDs. They promote sales by making CDs limited editions or additions of snacks. Selling music CDs in convenience stores has several appealing points. For example, many teenagers often shop there, and everyone can pick up CDs and check them whenever he wants.

 

添削

 

"Music CDs Are On Sale In Convenience Stores"

 

Some convenience stores have started to sell music CDs. They promote sales by making CDs limited editions or additions free gifts attached to1 of snacks. Selling music CDs in convenience stores has several appealing points. For example, many teenagers often shop there, and everyone anyone2 can pick up CDs and check them whenever he wants.

 

コメント

 

1.       「おまけ」の説明を加えるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       everyoneとするとコンベニの客の誰もが一人残らず、になるので、「(興味のある人は)誰でも」の意味でanyoneがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Music CDs Are On Sale In Convenience Stores"

 

Some convenience stores have started to sell music CDs. They promote sales by making CDs limited editions or free gifts attached to snacks. Selling music CDs in convenience stores has several appealing points. For example, many teenagers often shop there and anyone can pick up CDs and check them whenever he wants.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NOMU, 17 Jan 04

 

"CDs Sold at Convenience Stores"

 

Some convenience stores began to sell music CDs. They are using interesting sales strategies: Some CDs are sold for limited time and others are attached to snacks as giveaways. Convenience stores seem to be ideal for the sale of CDs because teenagers often shop there and also they can  pick up and look at CDs around the clock.

 

添削

 

"CDs Sold at Convenience Stores Are Selling Music CDs1"

 

Some convenience stores began to sell music CDs2. They are using interesting sales strategies3: Ssome CDs are sold for limited time only and others are attached to snacks as giveaways. Convenience stores seem to be ideal for the sale of CDs because teenagers often shop there and also they can pick up and look at CDs around the clock.

 

コメント

 

NOMUさんは日本文の内容をわかりやすい英文で表現しています。日本文の内容を整理して英文で言い換えていることが文章をわかりやすくしています。

 

1.       見出しは受動態より能動態のほうがインパクトがあります。

 

2.       「音楽CDを売るコンベニエンスストアが出てきた。」をSome convenience stores began to sell music CDs.と表現しています。同じような日本文と英文の表現の対応には次のようなものがあります。

「音楽CDを売るコンベニエンスストアが増えてきた。」

An increasing number of convenience stores are selling music CDs.

「音楽CDを売るコンベニエンスストアはほとんど無い。」

Very few convenience stores are selling music CDs.

 

3.       「限定発売だったり、菓子のおまけにしたりと、趣向も凝っている。」をNOMUさんは隠れた主語、コンベニエンスストアを明示して、They are using interesting sales strategies.と表現しています。「趣向も凝っている」のように日本文では状態を記述することが多いですが、このような場合でも英文では動作として記述することが多くなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

" Convenience Stores Are Selling Music CDs"

 

Some convenience stores began to sell music CDs. They are using interesting sales strategies: some CDs are sold for limited time only and others are attached to snacks as giveaways. Convenience stores seem to be ideal for the sale of CDs because teenagers often shop there and can pick up and look at CDs around the clock.

 

 

中級問題 112「強まる人民元切り上げの圧力」

 

人民元切り上げの国際的圧力が強まっている。中国が2002年以来8パーセント程度の高成長を続け、貿易黒字や直接投資流入から外貨準備が増加する中で、対中貿易赤字を抱える米国、EU(欧州連合)、日本を中心に、事実上1ドル約8.28元の固定相場制下にある人民元の切り上げを望む声が出ている。特に、来年に大統領選挙を控える米国からの圧力は今後も強くなってゆくことが予想される。

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 29 August 12

 

"Increasing Pressure to Revalue Yuan" 

 

International pressure has been intensifying for revaluation of the Chinese Yuan. China has continued economic growth as high as about 8 percent since 2002. Its trade surplus and direct investment from abroad have been on the rise, increasing the country's foreign currency reserves. Under these circumstances, the US, EU and Japan, those having huge trade deficits with China, are calling on China to revalue the Yuan which has virtually been fixed at 8.28 Yuan to the dollar. Especially, with an eye to next year's presidential election, the pressure from the US is expected to become increasingly strong.

 

添削

 

"Increasing Pressure to Revalue Yuan" 

 

International pressure has been intensifying for the revaluation of the Chinese Yuan. China has continued economic growth as high as about 8 percent a year since 2002. Its trade surplus and direct investment from abroad have been on the rise, increasing the country's foreign currency reserves. Under these circumstances, the US, EU and Japan, those having huge trade deficits with China, are calling on China to revalue the Yuan which has virtually been fixed at 8.28 Yuan to the US dollar. Especially, with an eye to next year's presidential election, the pressure from the US is expected to become increasingly strong.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Increasing Pressure to Revalue Yuan" 

 

International pressure has been intensifying for the revaluation of the Chinese Yuan. China has continued economic growth as high as about 8 percent a year since 2002. Its trade surplus and direct investment from abroad have been on the rise, increasing the country's foreign currency reserves. Under these circumstances, the US, EU and Japan, those having huge trade deficits with China, are calling on China to revalue the Yuan which has virtually been fixed at 8.28 Yuan to the US dollar. Especially, with an eye to next year's presidential election, the pressure from the US is expected to become increasingly strong.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(さくら、7 March 08

 

“Mounting Pressure on Revalue Yuan”

 

China is under the pressure to revalue yuan from the rest of the world. China has enjoyed high economic growth of around 8 percent since 2002. The trade surplus and investment from the overseas are accumulating china’s foreign exchange reserve. The U.S., which is suffering from the trade deficit with China , EU and Japan are calling for revaluation of yuan which has actually been pegged 8.28 yuan per dollar. The U.S. will likely mount the pressure on China in the future because American presidential election is coming next year.

 

添削

 

“Mounting Pressure on the Evaluation1 of Chinese Revalue Yuan”

 

China is under the international pressure to revalue evaluate yuan from the rest of the world. China has enjoyed high economic growth of around 8 percent since 2002. The trade surpluses and investment from the overseas are accumulating china’s China’s foreign exchange reserves. The U.S., which is suffering from the trade deficit with China , EU and Japan which all have trade deficits with China2 are calling for the revaluation evaluation of yuan which has actually been pegged at 8.28 yuan per dollar. The U.S. will likely mount the pressure on China in the future because American a presidential election is coming next year and the U.S. wants to reduce its trade deficits with China3.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       通貨の切り上げにはevaluationを使います。

 

2.       米国、EU (欧州連合)、日本の皆が対中貿易赤字を抱えています。

 

3.       このような説明を加えるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Mounting Pressure on the Evaluation of Chinese Yuan”

 

China is under international pressure to evaluate yuan. China has enjoyed high economic growth of around 8 percent since 2002. The trade surpluses and investment from overseas are accumulating China’s foreign exchange reserves. The U.S., EU and Japan which all have trade deficits with China are calling for the evaluation of yuan which has actually been pegged at 8.28 yuan per dollar. The U.S. will likely mount pressure on China in the future because a presidential election is coming next year and the U.S. wants to reduce its trade deficits with China.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 15 October 07

 

"China Faces Mounting Pressure to Revalue the Yuan"

 

International pressure is mounting on China to revalue the yuan. So far, China has pegged the yuan at a rate of 8.28 to the US dollar. This has helped accumulate foreign exchange reserves through trade surplus and direct foreign investment and achieve rapid economic growth of 8 percent a year since 2002. The EU, the US and Japan, however, are calling on China to revalue the yuan because its lower exchange rate contributes to their trade deficits against China. In particular, the US administration is expected to add further pressure because the pressure is the administration's tactic to win the presidential election next year.

 

添削

 

"China Faces Mounting Pressure to Revalue the Yuan"

 

International pressure is mounting on China to revalue the yuan. So far, China has pegged the yuan at a rate of 8.28 yuan to the US dollar. This has helped Chine accumulate foreign exchange reserves through trade surplus and direct foreign investment and achieve rapid economic growth of 8 percent a year since 2002. The EU, the US and Japan, however, are calling on China to revalue the yuan because its lower1 exchange rate contributes is causing to their trade deficits against China. In particular, the US administration is expected to add further pressure because the pressure to evaluate the yuan and reduce US trade deficits with China is one of President Bush’s the administration's tactics to win the presidential election next year.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。最後の文は、日本文の内容にははっきり書いてありませんが添削の説明のような事情が背景にあります。日本文が長い文にいろいろな情報が押し込まれていますが、Kaloさんはよく整理して英文で表現しています。

 

1.       人民元切り上げの話をしているので、lowerとすると「切り下げ?」と いう疑問がでます。現在、人民元の為替レートが低すぎるということなので、単にlowがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"China Faces Mounting Pressure to Revalue the Yuan"

 

International pressure is mounting on China to revalue the yuan. So far, China has pegged the yuan at a rate of 8.28 yuan to the US dollar. This has helped China accumulate foreign exchange reserves through trade surplus and direct foreign investment and achieve rapid economic growth of 8 percent a year since 2002. The EU, the US and Japan, however, are calling on China to revalue the yuan because its low exchange rate is causing their trade deficits against China. In particular, the US is expected to add further pressure because the pressure to evaluate the yuan and reduce US trade deficits with China is one of President Bush’s tactics to win the presidential election next year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Prim, 16 Jan 04

 

“Increasing Pressures on the Evaluation of Chinese Yuan”

 

International pressures are increasing on the evaluation of Chinese yuan. The value of Chinese yuan has been virtually fixed at 8.28 yuan per one US dollar, although the Chinese economy has been growing at a high rate of about 8 percent a year since 2002 and her foreign reserves have been increasing as a result of trade surpluses and incoming foreign direct investment. China’s trading partners, particularly those who have trade deficits such as the United States, the European Union and Japan, want the Chinese government to increase the value of Chinese yuan against foreign currencies. The US pressure is particularly strong because Mr. Bush faces a presidential election next year and wants to reduce the US trade deficits against China.

 

添削

 

“Increasing Pressures on the Evaluation of Chinese Yuan”

 

International pressures are increasing on the evaluation of Chinese yuan. The value of Chinese yuan has been virtually fixed at 8.28 yuan per one US dollar, although the Chinese economy has been growing at a high rate of about 8 percent a year since 2002 and her foreign reserves have been increasing as a result of trade surpluses and incoming foreign direct investment. China’s trading partners, particularly those who have trade deficits such as the United States, the European Union and Japan, want the Chinese government to increase the value of the Chinese yuan against foreign currencies. The pressure from the US pressure is particularly strong because Mr. Bush faces a presidential election next year and wants to reduce the US trade deficits against China.

 

コメント

 

Primさんは日本文の2番目の長い文、「中国が2002年以来8パーセント程度の高成長を続け、貿易黒字や直接投資流入から外貨準備が増加する中で、対中貿易赤字を抱える米国、EU(欧州連合)、日本を中心に、事実上1ドル約8.28元の固定相場制下にある人民元の切り上げを望む声が出ている。」を次のように分解してから英文で表現しています。

 

「中国元は事実上1ドル約8.28元に固定されている。」

「中国経済は2002年以来年率約8.28パーセントの高度成長を続けている。」

「中国の外貨準備は貿易黒字や直接投資流入で増加している。」

「中国の貿易相手国、特に中国に対して貿易赤字の米国、EU, 日本、は中国政府が中国元を外貨にたいして切り上げることを望んでいる。」

 

日本文の論理的な構成は、まず文の要素(上のように分解したもの)を考え、「てにおは」と使って文と文の論理的な連結をします。「てにおは」は非常に融通性のある文法なので、うっかりすると曖昧な論理構成の文章を書いてしまいます(考えてしまいます)。英文では論理構成は文の順序と論理的な連結を示す副詞(althoughなど)、理由をしめす従属節(since, becauseなど)を使ってで明示的に表現します。英文で日本文の内容を表現するときには論理構成を明示的にする必要があるので、日本語で考えたことをもう一度論理的に考え直してみます。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Increasing Pressures on the Evaluation of Chinese Yuan”

 

International pressures are increasing on the evaluation of Chinese yuan. The value of Chinese yuan has been virtually fixed at 8.28 yuan per one US dollar, although the Chinese economy has been growing at a high rate of about 8 percent a year since 2002 and her foreign reserves have been increasing as a result of trade surpluses and incoming foreign direct investment. China’s trading partners, particularly those who have trade deficits such as the United States, the European Union and Japan, want the Chinese government to increase the value of the Chinese yuan against foreign currencies. The pressure from the US is particularly strong because Mr. Bush faces a presidential election next year and wants to reduce US trade deficits against China.

 

 

中級問題 113「熟年夫婦向け分譲マンション」

 

50代以上の夫婦向けに工夫を凝らした分譲マンションが人気を呼んでいる。仲間との交流や趣味を楽しむための間取りや施設を採用したり、将来、体の自由が利かなくなった場合に配慮したりしたものが多い。子どもの独立などを機に、一戸建てから住み替えるケースも目立つ。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 29 August 12

 

"Condominiums for Older Couples" 

 

Condominiums designed with a special touch for couples aged 50 or above are increasingly popular these days. Some of the condos feature floor plans and amenities that help the residents enjoy their hobbies or the company of friends. Many of the condos are designed to allow residents to continue a comfortable life even in case they become physically-disabled down the road. Also, a remarkable number of couples are acquiring the condos selling their current single-family houses after their children moved out of the family nest.

 

添削

 

"Condominiums for Older Couples" 

 

Condominiums designed with a special touch for couples aged 50 or above are increasingly popular these days. Some of the condos feature floor plans and amenities that help the residents enjoy their hobbies or the company of friends. Many of the condos are designed to allow the residents to continue a comfortable life even in case they become physically-disabled in the future down the road. Also, a remarkable number of couples are acquiring the condos selling their current single-family houses after their children have moved out of their family nests.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       あれ、表の道で転倒したのかな、と思うのでin the future がよいでしょう。

添削後の文章

 

"Condominiums for Older Couples" 

 

Condominiums designed with a special touch for couples aged 50 or above are increasingly popular these days. Some of the condos feature floor plans and amenities that help the residents enjoy their hobbies or the company of friends. Many of the condos are designed to allow the residents to continue a comfortable life even in case they become physically-disabled in the future. Also, a remarkable number of couples are acquiring the condos selling their current single-family houses after their children have moved out of their family nests.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 1 July 11

 

Condominium Apartments for a Couple over Fifties

 

Condominium apartments for a couple over fifties are very popular. The condominium apartments have unique features to suit their lifestyles. Room layouts and facilities in the apartment are designed to have a good time with their friends or to enjoy their interests. The apartments are also considered to live a comfortable life when they are older or physically-disabled. There are many cases in which couples move into such an apartment from a detached house after their children leave a nest.

 

添削

 

Condominium Apartments for a Couple over Fifties

 

Condominium apartments for a couple over fiftiesy yeas old are very popular. The condominium apartments have unique features to suit their lifestyles. Room layouts and facilities in the apartment are designed to help the couple1 have a good time with their friends or to enjoy their interests. The apartments are also considered designed for them2 to live a comfortable life when they are get older or physically-disabled. There are many cases in which couples move into such an apartment from a detached house after their children leave their home a nest.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       従属句の主語が必要です。

 

2.       ここにも従属節の主語が必要です。

 

添削後の文章

 

Condominium Apartments for a Couple over Fifties

 

Condominium apartments for a couple over fifty yeas old are very popular. The condominium apartments have unique features to suit their lifestyles. Room layouts and facilities in the apartment are designed to help the couple have a good time with their friends or enjoy their interests. The apartments are also designed for them to live a comfortable life when they get older or physically-disabled. There are many cases in which couples move into such an apartment from a detached house after their children leave their home .

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 10 November 07

 

"Condominiums Designed for Middle-aged Couple"

 

Condominiums designed for a couple in their fifties and over are becoming more and more popular. To provide comfort and safety, many of these condominiums ensure space and facilities, so that a couple can enjoy hobbies, have a good time with their friends, and move easily when they become physically disabled in the future. One reason for this popularity is that many couples hope to move to this type of condominium from their own house when their children live on their own.

 

添削

 

"Condominiums Designed for Middle-aged Couples"

 

Condominiums designed for a couple in their fifties and over are becoming more and more popular. To provide comfort and safety, many of these condominiums ensure plenty of space and facilities, so that a couple can enjoy hobbies, have a good time with their friends, and move easily when they become physically disabled in the future. One reason for this popularity is that many couples hope to move to into this type of condominium from their own house when their children leave their house and live on their own.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。カナダではライフサイクルに合わせて家を移るのが一般的です。子供が独立してから移る家は寝室の一つしかない小さな家やアパート、コンドミニアムが良い、という人が多いです。理由は、家を出た子供がまた親を頼って戻ってきたくとも、泊まる部屋がないようにしておく、ということです。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Condominiums Designed for Middle-aged Couples"

 

Condominiums designed for a couple in their fifties and over are becoming more and more popular. To provide comfort and safety, many of these condominiums ensure plenty of space and facilities, so that a couple can enjoy hobbies, have a good time with their friends, and move easily when they become physically disabled in the future. One reason for this popularity is that many couples hope to move into this type of condominium from their own house when their children leave their house and live on their own.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(あすか、14 February 07

 

Special Condos Are Suitable For Middle-aged Couple

 

Special condos with various ideas of facilities are getting popular among the couples above 50 years of age. For example having a gathering place for congenial neighbours, enjoyable layouts for hobbies or places to take well care of people who become physically handicapped in the feature.

 

Many people who are above fifties, sell their house and move into such a special condo when their children become independent and leave home.

 

添削

 

Special Condos Are Suitable For Middle-aAged Couples”

 

Special condos with various new ideas of for facilities and layouts1 are getting popular among the couples above of 50 years of age and over. For example, such condos have2 a layout convenient to get together with having a gathering place for congenial neighbours and friends and to enjoy, enjoyable layouts for hobbies. Many of them3 are designed or places to take well care of people who become physically handicapped in the feature.

 

Many people who are above in their fifties and over, sell their house and move into such a special condo when their children become independent and leave home.

 

コメント

 

1.       設備と間取り、とするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       投稿は長い名詞節ですが、いろいろな内容が含まれているので、文にしたほうがよいでしょう。

 

3.       ここからは内容が異なるので、新しい文にするとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Special Condos Are Suitable For Middle-Aged Couples”

 

Special condos with various new ideas for facilities and layouts are getting popular among the couples of 50 years of age and over. For example, such condos have a layout convenient to get together with congenial neighbours and friends and to enjoy hobbies. Many of them are designed to take well care of people who become physically handicapped in the feature.

 

Many people who are in their fifties and over sell their house and move into such a special condo when their children become independent and leave home.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NOMU, 17 Jan 04

 

"Condominiums Targeting Couples of Mature Years"

 

Condominiums with ingenious divices and designs which target couples in fifties and over are catching on. Many of them have layouts and facilities where owners can enjoy company with their friends or pastime activities. And also many are designed to serve the owners when they lose control of their bodies. Quite a few couples leave their houses and move into these

ingenious condominiums when their children become independent.

 

添削

 

"Special Condominiums Are Targeting Couples of Mature Years1"

 

Special Ccondominiums with ingenious divices facilities and designs which target for couples in their fifties and over are catching on. Many of them have layouts and facilities where which will be convenient for owners can to enjoy company with their friends or pastime activities. And also mMany are also designed to serve the owners when they become older and lose control of their bodies2. Quite a few couples leave their houses and move into these ingenious special condominiums when their children become independent and leave home.

 

コメント

 

1.       完全な文にしたほうが読者にわかりやすいと思います。

 

2.       「体の自由が利かなくなった。」にはいろいろな場合があると思います。lose control of their bodiesは体の自由が大分きかなくなった状態のような印象になります。もう少し前の段階ではbecome physically handicappedが良いでしょう。

 

私の住む町にも最近このようなシニアー向けのコンドミニアム(略してcondoと言います)やシニアー向けの一戸立ちの家の集合した地域が増えてきました。夫婦二人だけで子供がいないことが入居条件になっています。年齢制限はありませんが、実際の入居者は60台、70台の夫婦が多いようです。以前は子供がいない夫婦というような条件を入居者につけることは法律で禁じられていましたが、現在は許可されているようです。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Special Condominiums Are Targeting Couples of Mature Years"

 

Special condominiums with ingenious facilities and designs for couples in their fifties and over are catching on. Many of them have layouts and facilities which will be convenient for owners to enjoy company with their friends or pastime activities. Many are also designed to serve the owners when they become older and lose control of their bodies. Quite a few couples leave their houses and move into these special condominiums when their children become independent and leave home.

 

読者からの投稿 2(サッチ, 23 Jan 04

 

“Condominium Apartments for Seniors”

 

Special condominium apartments are getting attention of seniors. Those apartments are designed for a couple in their 50s and up and have a special layout such as a room and a facility to invite their friends. Many of the apartments are also designed to be easy to move around when a couple get older and become physically handicapped. The apartments are particularly popular among the couples who want to move to an apartment from a detached house when their children become independent and leave their home.

 

添削

 

“Condominium Apartments for Seniors”

 

Special condominium apartments are getting the attention of seniors. Those These apartments are designed for a couple in their 50s and up and have a special layouts such as a room design and a facility to enjoy their hobbies in or invite their friends to1. Many of the apartments are also designed to be easy to move around in when a couple gets older and becomes physically handicapped. The apartments are particularly popular among the couples who want to move to an apartment from a detached house when their children become independent and leave their home2.

 

コメント

 

1.       サッチさんは日本文の内容を考えて、英文で表現するときに文章の内容の区切り方に工夫をしています。「50代以上の夫婦向けに工夫を凝らした分譲マンションが人気を呼んでいる。」はSpecial condominium apartments are getting the attention of seniors.と簡単なキーセンテンスにして、特別な工夫については次の二つの文で説明してます。この例にように、日本文は修飾節を文の始に置くことが多いので、英文で表現するときには次に続く文の内容を考えて、修飾節の内容は次の文と関連して表現したほうが内容が簡単に伝わることがあります。

 

2.       「一戸建てから住み替える」は、サッチさんのように「住み替える」内容を具体的に説明すると読者にわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Condominium Apartments for Seniors”

 

Special condominium apartments are getting the attention of seniors. These apartments are designed for a couple in their 50s and up and have special layouts such as room design and a facility to enjoy their hobbies in or invite their friends to. Many of the apartments are also designed to be easy to move around in when a couple gets older and becomes physically handicapped. The apartments are particularly popular among couples who want to move to an apartment from a detached house when their children become independent and leave home.

 

 

中級問題 114「携帯電話の役割の変化」

 

20034月現在でわが国の携帯電話の契約件数は7,625万件、うち84%にあたる6,379万件がIP契約、すなわちiモードやSkyWebなどのインターネットや電子メール機能が使えるようになっている。

 

特に近年携帯電話でも電子メールの利用は大幅に増えており、各携帯電話通信事業者でも電子メールから上がる通信料金はドル箱的存在だ。

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 29 Aug 12

 

"Changing Role of Mobile Phone"

 

As of April 2003, mobile subscriptions in Japan totaled 76.25 million, out of which 63.79 million or 84% were accounted for by IP service subscriptions like i-Mode and SkyWeb that allow their subscribers to use the Internet or an e-mail function. With e-mail exchanges on mobile phones rapidly increasing lately, all the mobile phone service operators are seeing the fees from this booming market segment as a cash cow on their business portfolio. 

 

添削

 

"Changing Role of Mobile Phones"

 

As of April 2003, mobile phone subscriptions in Japan totaled 76.25 million, out of which 63.79 million or 84% were accounted for by IP service subscriptions like i-Mode and SkyWeb that allow their subscribers to use the Internet or an e-mail function. With e-mail exchanges on mobile phones rapidly increasing lately, all the mobile phone service operators are seeing the fees revenue from this booming market segment as a cash cow on their business portfolio. 

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Changing Role of Mobile Phones"

 

As of April 2003, mobile phone subscriptions in Japan totaled 76.25 million, out of which 63.79 million or 84% were accounted for by IP service subscriptions like i-Mode and SkyWeb that allow their subscribers to use the Internet or an e-mail function. With e-mail exchanges on mobile phones rapidly increasing lately, all the mobile phone service operators are seeing fee revenue from this booming market segment as a cash cow on their business portfolio. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Lucca, 1 July 11

 

The Role of Cellphone is Changing

 

As of April 2003, the total number of cellphone subscriptions in Japan has reached 76.25million. 84 percent or 63.79million subscriptions of them have signed IP services to connect Internet or e-mail functions such as i-mode and SkyWeb. In Recent years, more and more people send and receive e-mails through their cellphones. Thus, the fee of e-mail messages from cellphones becomes a great source of income in cellphone carriers.

 

添削

 

The Role of Cellular pPhone is Changing

 

As of April 2003, the total number of cellular phone subscriptions in Japan has reached 76.25million. Of which1, 84 percent or 63.79million subscriptions of them have subscribed to signed IP services such as i-mode and SkyWeb to connect to the Internet or e-mail functions such as i-mode and SkyWeb. In Rrecent years, more and more people send and receive e-mails2 through their cellular phones. Thus, the fee of for e-mail messages from cellular phones has becomes a great source of income for in cellcellular phone service providers carriers.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       文を数字で始めると、前の文とのつながりが曖昧になります。いろいろと工夫をして数字では文を始めないようにします。

Eighty-four percent or ~.

Of which, 84 percent or ~.

About 84 percent or ~ などの方法があります。

 

2.       e-mailは集合名詞です。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Role of Cellular Phone is Changing

 

As of April 2003, the total number of cellular phone subscriptions in Japan has reached 76.25million. Of which, 84 percent or 63.79million subscriptions have subscribed to IP services such as i-mode and SkyWeb to connect to the Internet or e-mail functions. In recent years, more and more people send and receive e-mail through their cellular phones. Thus, the fee for e-mail messages from cellular phones has become a great source of income for  cellular phone service providers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 11 October 07

 

"People email rather than talk on mobile phones"

 

As of April 2003, the total number of mobile phones subscribers in Japan has reached about 77 million. About 84 percent of them or 64 million subscribers signed up for a mobile Internet service such as i-mode and Skyweb to access to the Internet and e-mails on their mobile phones. Now, more and more people are using their mobile phones to send and receive e-mails, so mobile phone carriers see the charges as a cash cow.

 

添削

 

"People email rather than talk on mobile phones"

 

As of April 2003, the total number of mobile phones subscribers in Japan has reached about 77 million. About 84 percent of them or 64 million subscribers have signed up for a mobile Internet service such as i-mode and Skyweb to access to the Internet and e-mails1 on from their mobile phones. Now, more and more people are using their mobile phones to send and receive e-mails, so mobile phone carriers see the fees for e-mail services charges as a cash cow2.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       mailは「郵便」という集合名詞なので、それに準じて電子メール一般はe-mailとなります。

2.       a cash cow(金のなる木)は1970年代に北米で流行した経営手法のproducts portfolio managementに使われた術語です。企業の製品を市場成長率とマーケットシェアの二つ視点からstar(花形製品、成長が期待できる)、cash cow(金のなる木、成熟分野だが安定した収益がある)、question mark(問題児、競争が激化する)、dogs(負け犬、停滞衰退する)に分けて経営戦略をたてます。この四つに術語のうち、a cash cowは北米ではまだよく経済や経営の記事の中に見かけます。一般的にはas a steady source of incomeと表現出来ます。

 

添削後の文章

 

"People email rather than talk on mobile phones"

 

As of April 2003, the total number of mobile phones subscribers in Japan has reached about 77 million. About 84 percent of them or 64 million subscribers have signed up for a mobile Internet service such as i-mode and Skyweb to access the Internet and e-mail from their mobile phones. Now, more and more people are using their mobile phones to send and receive e-mail, so mobile phone carriers see the fees for e-mail services as a cash cow.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NOMU, 22 Jan 04

 

 "The Role of Cellular Phones Has Changed"

 

As of April 2003, there were 76.25million cellular phone subscribers in Japan. Eighty-four percent of them, which accounts for 6.379million subscribers have signed the IP contract so that they can access the internet such as the I-mode or the Skyweb, and can e-mail with their cellular phones. Especially, e-mail use has been increasing so dramatically in recent years that the fees for the service is a source of great profits for cellular telecommunication companies.

 

添削

 

"The Role of Cellular Phones Has Changed"

 

As of April 2003, there were 76.25million 76,250,0001 cellular phone subscribers in Japan2. Eighty-four percent of them, which accounts for 6.379million 63,790,000 subscribers, have signed the an IP contract with such companies as “I-mode” and “Skywebso that they can access the iInternet such as the I-mode or the Skyweb, and can and e-mail with their cellular phones. Especially, e-mail use has been increasing so dramatically in recent years that the fees for the service is a source of great profits for cellular telecommunication companies3.

 

コメント

 

内容のはっきりした日本文ですが、NOMUさんは内容をよく理解してわかりやすい英文で表現しています。

 

1.       大きな数字の文章の中での表記法はなかなか難しいですが、読者に一目ででわかることを目的にします。大きな数字のおおまかな大きさを伝えるだけでよいときには、3.1 billion, 34 million, 2.1 millionのようにします。ただし、小数点以下の有効数字がいくつもあるときには(例えば上の文章の中の76.25 millionのように)76,250,000と数字を全部書いたほうが読者にわかりやすくなります。比較的小さな数字、例えば56,100のときは56.1 thousandとするよりそのまま56,100と書いたほうがわかりやすいです。

 

2.       20034月現在でわが国の携帯電話の契約件数は7,625万件」をNOMUさんはAs of April 2003, there were 76,250,000 cellular phone subscribers in Japan. とわかりやすく表現しています。

 

3.       「特に近年携帯電話でも電子メールの利用は大幅に増えており、各携帯電話通信事業者でも電子メールから上がる通信料金はドル箱的存在だ。」の因果関係がso ~ that ~の構文ではっきりとしています。

 

添削後の文章

 

"The Role of Cellular Phones Has Changed"

 

As of April 2003, there were 76,250,000 cellular phone subscribers in Japan. Eighty-four percent of them, which accounts for  63,790,000 subscribers, have signed an IP contract with such companies as “I-mode” and “Skyweb” so that they can access the Internet and e-mail with their cellular phones. Especially, e-mail use has been increasing so dramatically in recent years that the fees for the service is a source of great profits for cellular telecommunication companies.

 

 

中級問題 115「ベートーベンの手書きの楽譜の競売」

 

ベートーベンの有名な弦楽四重奏曲の手書きの楽譜が12月5日、ロンドンの競売大手サザビーズで競売にかけられ、電話入札した匿名の個人収集家が約118万ポンド(約2億1900万円)で落札した。

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 3 September 12

 

"Beethoven's Original Score came up for Auction"

 

The original score for a Beethoven's famous string quartet came up for a Sotheby's auction in London on December 5. The successful bid was 1.18 million pound (about 219 million yen) offered on the telephone by an anonymous private collector.

 

添削

 

"Beethoven's Original Score Sold at came up for Auction"

 

The original score of for a one of Beethoven's famous string quartets came up for a Sotheby's auction in London on December 5. The successful bid was 1.18 million pound (about 219 million yen) offered on the telephone by an anonymous private collector.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

"Beethoven's Original Score Sold at Auction"

 

The original score of one of Beethoven's famous string quartets came up for Sotheby's auction in London on December 5. The successful bid was 1.18 million pound (about 219 million yen) offered on telephone by an anonymous private collector.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Lucca, 4 July 11

 

An Auction of the Original Score of Beethoven in London

 

On December 5, the original score of a famous string quartet by Beethoven came up for an auction in London. At the Sotheby's auction in London, an anonymous private collector made a successful bid of 1.18 million pound or 219 million yen for the score over the phone.

 

添削

 

An Auction of the Original Score of by Beethoven in London

 

On December 5, the original score of a famous string quartet by Beethoven came up for an auction in London. At the Sotheby's auction in London, an anonymous private collector made a successful bid of 1.18 million pound or 219 million yen for the score over the phone.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

An Auction of the Original Score by Beethoven in London

 

On December 5, the original score of a famous string quartet by Beethoven came up for an auction in London. At Sotheby's auction in London, an anonymous private collector made a successful bid of 1.18 million pound or 219 million yen for the score over the phone.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 11 November 07

 

"Beethoven's Original Manuscript was Sold at Auction"

 

On December 5, an original manuscript of Beethoven's famous string quartet sold for approximately 1.18 million pounds (219 million yen) at Sotheby's auction house in London. The manuscript was purchased by a private collector who bid by telephone and asked not to be identified.

 

添削

 

"Beethoven's Original Manuscript was Sold at Auction"

 

On December 5, an original manuscript of Beethoven's famous string quartet sold for approximately 1.18 million pounds (219 million yen) at Sotheby's auction house in London. The manuscript was purchased by a private collector who bid by telephone and asked not to be identified.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NOMU, 23 Jan 04

 

"Beethoven's Handwritten Score Was Brought under the Hammer"

 

Beethoven's handwritten score of the famous string quartet was brought under the hammer at Sotheby's, a London-based major auction company, on December 5. An anonymous private collector tendered a bit by phone and was awarded the contract for 1,180,000 pound (219million yen).

 

添削

 

"Beethoven's Handwritten Score Was Brought under the Hammer"

 

Beethoven's handwritten score of the a famous string quartet was brought under the hammer1 at Sotheby's, a London-based major auction company2, on December 5. An anonymous private collector tendered a bit by phone and was awarded the contract score for 1,180,000 pounds (219million yen).

 

コメント

 

1.       Aを競売にかける(競売で売る)は一般的には I sell A at auctionですが、A goes (comes, is) under the hammer.という言い方もあります。競売でモノがある値段で落札したときに競売人が木槌でテーブルを叩いてこの競売の終了したことを知らせることからきたのでしょう。

 

2.       「ロンドンの競売大手サザビーズで」のサザビーズはNOMUさんの説明のようにロンドンに本店を置く英国屈指の競売業者です。この日本文では実際の競売がどこで行われたかはっきりしませんが、もしロンドンだとすると、at Sotheby’s, a major auction house in Londonとするとはっきりします。

 

私の町にもいろいろな競売業がありますが、家で使わなくなった家具、電気製品、その他のガラクタを持っていくと売値の10パーセントの手数料で競売にかけてくれるところがあります。倉庫のようなところで行われ、あらかじめ展示品を見ておいて自分の最高値を決めておきます。競売人の値段の言い方は一種独特で聞き取りにくいのですが、じっと聞きながら自分の決めていた値段以下の時には手をあげます。インターネット上のオークションと違って、競争している相手がその場にいるので、うっかりすると自分で決めていた最高値より高い値段で買ってしまいます。「ガラクタを持っていってくれて良かったと思ったら、他人のガラクタを買ってくるのだからいやになる。」と家内に文句を言われたものです。

 

鴨猟の好きな友達と一緒に競売に出かけたことがあります。この友達が古ぼけて彩色の剥げた木製の手彫りの鴨のおとり(decoyといいます。鴨が仲間と思って近づいてくるように池や沼に十羽ぐらい並べて浮かべておきます)が30位、箱に入っているのを見つけて、タダ同然の値段で落札しました。それから10年ほどしてこれと同じ木製のおとりを骨董屋でひとつ2万円近い値段で売っているのを見つけました(現在はおとりはプラスチック製になってしまいました)。競売にはこのような楽しみもあります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Beethoven's Handwritten Score Was Brought under the Hammer"

 

Beethoven's handwritten score of a famous string quartet was brought under the hammer at Sotheby's, a London-based major auction company, on December 5. An anonymous private collector tendered a bit by phone and was awarded the score for 1,180,000 pounds (219million yen).

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Yokko, 29 Jan 04

 

“Beethoven’s  Hand-written Score Was Sold at an Auction”

 

A Beethoven’s hand-written score of a famous string quartet was sold at an auction at Sotheby’s a major auctioneer in London. The anonymous individual collector of the score placed his bit by phone and won the score at 1,180 thousand pounds or 219 million yen.

 

添削

 

"Beethoven's  Hand-written Score Was Sold at an Auction"

 

On December 5, A Beethoven's a hand-written score of a famous string quartet by Beethoven was sold at an auction1 at Sotheby's , a major auctioneer auction house in London. The anonymous individual collector of the score placed his bit bid by phone and won the score at for 1,180 thousand ,000 pounds or 219 million yen2.

 

コメント

 

1.       すぐ後にa major auction house in Londonとあるのでこれは省略できます。

 

2.       「118万ポンド(約2億1900万円)で落札した。が約118万ポンド(約2億1900万円)で落札した。 」をYokkoさんは「匿名の個人収集家が電話で入札し、118万ポンド(約2億1900万円)で落札した。」と言い換えて英文で表現しています。この講座の練習問題によく出てきますが、日本文で修飾節で文をつなげるところは(「電話入札した匿名の個人収集家」)は英文では独立した文にするとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Beethoven's Hand-written Score Was Sold at an Auction"

 

On December 5, a hand-written score of a famous string quartet by Beethoven was sold at Sotheby's, a major auction house in London. The anonymous individual collector of the score placed his bid by phone and won the score for 1,180,000 pounds or 219 million yen.

 

 

中級問題 116「一番悲しいこと」

 

次のうちどれが一番悲しいですか? 新しい白いシャツを着た日に限ってカレーうどんを注文してシミを付けてしまう。電子メールを出したのに返事が来ない。見たいテレビ番組の予約録音を間違えた。駅弁を買ったら箸が入っていなかった。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 3 September 12

 

"Most Frustrating Moments" 

 

Which of the following frustrates you most?  On that very day when you wear a new white shirt, you eat a curry soup noodle only to get curry stains on the shirt. Your e-mail remains unanswered. You set a programmed recording wrong, missing your favorite TV show. You buy a box lunch at a train station, and find no chopsticks in there

 

添削

 

"Most Frustrating Moments" 

 

Which of the following frustrates you most?  On that very day when you wear a new white shirt, you eat a curry noodle soup noodle1 only to get curry stains on the shirt. Your e-mail remains unanswered. You set timing a programmed recording wrong on your TV program recording device, missing your favorite TV show. You buy a box lunch at a train station, and find no chopsticks in there.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

北米ではかけうどん、インスタントラーメンをnoodle soupとよびます。北米の食品で一番近い物はスープで、そのなかにうどんが入っている、ということでしょう。スーパーでもインスタントラーメンは他のスープ類と同じ棚にあることが多いです。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Most Frustrating Moments" 

 

Which of the following frustrates you most? On that very day when you wear a new white shirt, you eat curry noodle soup only to get curry stains on the shirt. Your e-mail remains unanswered. You set timing wrong on your TV program recording device missing your favorite TV show. You buy a box lunch at a train station, and find no chopsticks in there.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 4 July 11

 

The Most Disappointed Thing

 

Which of the following do you feel extremely disappointed? Your shirt has a curry stain while eating a curry udon soup needle when you wear a new white shirt. You sen your e-mail message, but receive no reply. You recorded a TV program that you wanted to watch, but make a mistake to set up. You bought a lunch box at a train station, buy there is no chopsticks.

 

添削

 

The Most Disappointed Thing Times

 

Out Which of the following cases, when do you feel most extremely disappointed?1 Your new white shirt gets has a curry stain while eating a curry udon soup needle when you wear a new white shirt. You sentd2 your e-mail message, but receive no reply. You recorded a wrong TV program that you wanted to watch, but make by a mistake to set up. You buy bought a lunch box lunch at a train station, buy there are is no chopsticks.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       Which of the following is the most disappointing thing? By which of the following do you get most disappointed? Out of the following, when do you feel most disappointed?というようにdisappointeddisappointingで文の形がかわります。

 

2.       論理的には、なにが一番悲しいかは、経験しなければわからないので、過去形になりますが、このような経験を普遍化して、現在形で表現するのが簡単でよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Most Disappointed Times

 

Out of the following cases, when do you feel most disappointed? Your new white shirt gets  a curry stain while eating a curry soup needle. You send e-mail but receive no reply. You record a wrong TV program by mistake. You buy a box lunch at a train station buy there are  no chopsticks.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 13 November 07

 

"Most Disappointing Thing"

 

Which of the following is the most disappointing thing?

 

1.      Without realizing that you're wearing a new white shirt, you order a curry soup noodle and find that the shirt is stained with the soup.

2.      You send an e-mail to someone but have no reply.

3.      You make timer recording reservation for a TV program you want to watch, but find that a different program is recorded by mistake.

4.      You buy a box lunch at a station but find that chopsticks are not attached with it.

 

添削

 

"Most Disappointing Thing"

 

Which of the following is the most disappointing thing?

 

1.      Without realizing that you're wearing a new white shirt, you order a curry soup noodle and find that the shirt is stained with the soup.

2.      You send an e-mail to someone but have receive no reply.

3.      You set a make timer to recording reservation for a TV program you want to watch, but find that a different program is recorded by mistake.

4.      You buy a box lunch at a railway station but find that chopsticks are not attached with it.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。私は何回も3の経験があるので、これに一番がっかりしますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Most Disappointing Thing"

 

Which of the following is the most disappointing thing?

 

1.      Without realizing that you're wearing a new white shirt, you order a curry soup noodle and find that the shirt is stained with the soup.

2.      You send e-mail to someone but receive no reply.

3.      You set a timer to record a TV program but find that a different program is recorded by mistake.

4.      You buy a box lunch at a railway station but find that chopsticks are not attached with it.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(あすか、30 November 06

 

The Most Unhappiest Happening

 

Which do you feel of the following the most unhappiest happening ? Whenever I wear a white shirts, I have ordered curry soup udon noodle and got stain on my shirt. I send a e-mail to someone, but there is no reply. I set timer recording for my favorite TV show but I recorded the wrong one. There were no chopsticks when I bought a boxed lunch sold at train stations.

 

添削

 

The Most1 Unhappiest Happening

 

Which do you feel of the following ,do you fee, is the most unhappiest happening2 ? Whenever I wear a new white shirts, I have ordered3 a4 curry soup udon noodle and got get stains5 on my shirt. I send a e-mail6 to someone, but there is no reply. I set timer recording for my favorite TV show but I recorded the a7 wrong one. There were are no chopsticks when I bought buy a boxed lunch sold at a8 train stations.

 

コメント

 

1.       形容詞の最上級にはmostは付きません。

 

2.       Which of the following is the unhappiest happening? はA is B.という構文です。これに挿入句として、do you feelを入れます。または、Which of the following do you feel unhappiest?とします。feel happy 「幸福に感じる」とfeel のあとは副詞になります。

 

3.       あすかさんは「新しい白いシャツを着た日に限ってカレーうどんを注文してシミを付けてしまう。」の 〜してしまう、をどう表現したらよいか考えて、I have ordered ~としましたね。添削のように文章全体を一般的なことの記述として、現在形で表現してよいとおもいますが、どうしても、〜してしまう、の気持ちを表現したいなら、I somehow end up ordering a curry soup noodleという表現もあります。「なんだかわからないが(いろいろ考えた後で)カレーうどんを注文してしまう」という感じの意味になります。

 

4.       curry soup, curry soup noodleは一般的には物質名詞ですから不貞監視(不定冠詞の誤変換)は付きませんが、ここでは一杯のカレーうどんという意味をはっきりさせるためにa curry soup (udon) noodleとしました。a bowl of curry soup noodle の省略形です。

 

5.       a stainは一つのシミです。多分、いくつもシミを付けるでしょう。

 

6.       mailは手紙、はがきなどの郵便物の総称で不加算名詞です。それに準じてe-mailも同様に扱います。

 

7.       特定の間違ったプルグラムを録画するのではなく、どれときめたわけでもない間違ったプログラムなのでa wrong one となります。わたしには、これが一番悲しいですね。わたしは手動でテレビ番組の録画予約(プログラムの始まる時間と終わる時間を入れる)をしなければいけない状況にありますが、プログラムの終了時間を間違って早く入力してしまい、ミステリーの最後が録画されてない、ということがあります。これはとても悲しいですね。

 

8.       駅弁はたくさんの駅で売っていますが、at a railway stationでそのうちの一つを代表します。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Unhappiest Happening

 

Which of the following, do you fee, is the unhappiest happening ? Whenever I wear a new white shirt, I order a curry soup udon noodle and get stains on my shirt. I send e-mail to someone, but there is no reply. I set timer recording for my favorite TV show but I record a wrong one. There are no chopsticks when I buy a boxed lunch at a train station.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NOMU, 20 Jan 04

 

 "The Unhappiest Situation"

 

Which of the following situations makes you feel unhappiest? On the very day you wear a new white shirt, you order a curry soup udon noodle and happen to have curry stain on the shirt. You sent a e-mail to someone but have received no answer. You set a VCR for timer recording only to find that you've recorded a wrong program. You've bought a box lunch at a station but no chopsticks are accompanying with it.

 

添削

 

"The Unhappiest Situation"

 

Which of the following situations makes you feel unhappiest1? On the very day you wear a new white shirt, you order a curry soup udon noodle and happen to have spill some curry stain on the your shirt. You sent send2 a e-mail3 to someone but have received receive no answer. You set a VCR for timer recording only to find that you've recorded a wrong program. You've bought You buy a box lunch at a railway station but no find that the chopsticks are accompanying with it missing.

 

コメント

 

1.       「悲しい」という感情表現の日本語がどのような状況のときにどのような英語表現に対応するのか理解するのは難しいですね。類語辞典を見るとsad, unhappy, miserable, gloomy, sorrowful, depressedなどたくさんあります。これらをの単語をCobuildなどの例文をもとにした辞書で調べてみても細かな感情表現の違いはわかりません。英文や英語環境(映画、会話、テレビなど)の中の事例をもとに理解していくより仕方ないでしょう。このように外国語の感情表現の言葉の文化的背景の理解はほんとうに難しいです。NOMUさんはunhappyを選んでいます。「カレーうどんをシャツにシミを付けずに食べ終えれば、happyですし、メールに返事が来れば、これもhappyです。もしそうでないとunhappyですから、unhappyはこの文章の内容に適した言葉だと思います。

 

2.       一般的な状況を記述しているので、動詞は現在形でよいとおもいます。

 

3.       mailは集合名詞なので、これに準拠してe-mailも集合名詞として扱ってよいと思います。

 

添削後の文章

 

"The Unhappiest Situation"

 

Which of the following situations makes you feel unhappiest? On the very day you wear a new white shirt, you order a curry soup udon noodle and happen to spill some on your shirt. You send e-mail to someone but receive no answer. You set a VCR for timer recording only to find that you've recorded a wrong program. You buy a box lunch at a railway station but find that the chopsticks are missing.

 

 

中級問題 117「高速バッティングロボット」

 

東京大学の研究チームが時速300キロの速球やフォーク、スライダーといった変化球も簡単に打ち返す「高速バッティングロボットシステム」を開発した。

 

バッティングロボットは、カメラの目で高速の画像処理をしてボールを認識し、ロボットアームの腕でボールの軌道に合わせてバットを振り出し、ボールを打ち返す。公開実験では、2・5メートルの至近距離から投げたボールを0・2秒で認識し、バットの芯で打ち返した。

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 3 September 12

 

"High-Speed Batting Robot" 

 

A Research team at Tokyo University has developed a robot capable of hitting back almost any balls coming into the strike zone, not only breaking balls like a split-finger or a slider but also a fastball of 300 kilometers per hour. As soon as a ball is thrown at the robot, it recognizes the ball with its camera, analyses the images to project the trajectory of the ball, fine-tunes the movement of its arm and hits the ball. At an open experiment, the robot was able to recognize a ball thrown from as close as 2.5 meters away in only 0.2 seconds and successfully hit it back with the sweet spot of the bat.

 

添削

 

"High-Speed Batting Robot" 

 

A Rresearch team at Tokyo University has developed a robot capable of hitting back almost any balls coming into the strike zone, not only breaking balls like a split-finger or a slider but also a fastball of 300 kilometers per hour. As soon as a ball is thrown at the robot, it recognizes the ball with its camera, analyses the images to project the trajectory of the ball, fine-tunes the movement of its arm and hits the ball. At an open experiment, the robot was able to recognize a ball thrown from as close as 2.5 meters away in only 0.2 seconds and successfully hit it back with the sweet spot of the bat.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。複雑な内容を順序よく整理して英文で表現しています。

 

添削後の文章

 

"High-Speed Batting Robot" 

 

A research team at Tokyo University has developed a robot capable of hitting back almost any balls coming into the strike zone, not only breaking balls like a split-finger or a slider but also a fastball of 300 kilometers per hour. As soon as a ball is thrown at the robot, it recognizes the ball with its camera, analyses the images to project the trajectory of the ball, fine-tunes the movement of its arm and hits the ball. At an open experiment, the robot was able to recognize a ball thrown from as close as 2.5 meters away in only 0.2 seconds and successfully hit it back with the sweet spot of the bat.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Lucca, 5 July 11

 

A High-Speed Batting Robot    

 

A high-speed batting robot system was developed by a research group of the University of Tokyo. The robot is easily able to hit back a ball moving at 300 kilometers per hour and breaking balls such as a slider and a fork. This is how the system works: when the robot which has a high-speed image processing function recognizes the movement of a ball, it swings the ball with its arm to make contact with the ball.

 

At an open experiment, the robot successfully hit back a ball from point-black range of 2.5 meters. Thanks to the high-speed image processing function, the robot recognized the ball at a speed of 0.2 per second.

 

添削

 

A High-Speed Batting Robot    

 

A high-speed batting robot system has been was developed by a research group at of the University of Tokyo. The robot is easily able to hit back a ball moving at 300 kilometers per hour and also breaking balls such as a slider and a fork. This is how the robot system works: when the robot which has a high-speed image processing function recognizes the movement of a ball, it swings the ball with its arm to make contact with the ball.

 

At an open experiment, the robot successfully hits back a ball from point-black range of 2.5 meters. Thanks to the high-speed image processing function, the robot recognized the ball at a speed of within 0.2 per seconds.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。 複雑な内容ですが、わかりやすく整理して表現してあります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A High-Speed Batting Robot    

 

A high-speed batting robot has been developed by a research group at the University of Tokyo. The robot is easily able to hit back a ball moving at 300 kilometers per hour and also breaking balls such as a slider and a fork. This is how the robot works: when the robot which has a high-speed image processing function recognizes the movement of a ball, it swings the ball with its arm to make contact with the ball.

 

At an open experiment, the robot successfully hits back a ball from point-black range of 2.5 meters. Thanks to the high-speed image processing function, the robot recognized the ball  within 0.2 per seconds.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 14 November 07

 

"Robot can Hit High-Speed Fastballs"

 

A research team at the University of Tokyo has developed a robot called the "High-Speed Batting Robot System" that can hit both a fastball up to 300 kilometers per hour and a breaking ball such as a forkball and a slider. When a ball is released, the robot instantaneously analyzes its path using images captured with its cameras and starts to swing its arm to hit the ball. At an open experiment, the robot recognized the ball 0.2 seconds after it was released 2.5 meters away and successfully hit the ball at the core of the bat.

 

添削

 

"Robot can Hit High-Speed Fastballs"

 

A research team at the University of Tokyo has developed a robot called the "High-Speed Batting Robot System" that can hit both a fastball up to 300 kilometers per hour and a breaking ball such as a forkball and a slider. When a baseball is released thrown at the robot, the robot instantaneously analyzes its path using the images captured with its cameras and starts to swing its arm to hit the ball. At an open experiment, the robot could recognized the ball 0.2 seconds after it was released from a distance of 2.5 meters away and successfully hit the ball at the core of the bat.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。When a ball is thrown at the robot以下で事柄の順序が整理されているので内容がわかりやすいです。最近は添削をするときに、英文の内容伝達力を調べるために先に英文を読み、内容がわからないときは日本文を読むようにしています。この投稿の英文の内容がよくわかりますが、あらためて日本文を読んでみると、この内容を英文で表現するのは難しそうだ、とおもいます。Kaloさんの英文の内容が読みやすくなっているのは、「日本文の内容を整理して英文で再構築」という過程がしっかりしているからです。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Robot can Hit High-Speed Fastballs"

 

A research team at the University of Tokyo has developed a robot called the "High-Speed Batting Robot System" that can hit both a fastball up to 300 kilometers per hour and a breaking ball such as a forkball and a slider. When a baseball is thrown at the robot, the robot instantaneously analyzes its path using the images captured with its camera and starts to swing its arm to hit the ball. At an open experiment, the robot could recognize the ball 0.2 seconds after it was released from a distance of 2.5 meters away and successfully hit the ball at the core of the bat.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NOMU, 24 Jan 04

 

"High Speed Batting Robot"

 

A research team of Tokyo University developed a high speed batting robot system that can easily hit back breaking balls such as a fork ball and a slider as well as a speed ball at 300kilometers per hour. The batting robot recognizes a ball by manipulating its image, and then swings its arm to meet and hit the ball. At a public experiment, it recognized a ball thrown from close range of 2.5meters in 0.2second and hit the ball solidly.

 

添削

 

"High-Speed Batting Robot"

 

A research team of at Tokyo University developed a high- speed batting robot system that can easily hit back breaking balls a baseball such as a fork ball, and a slider as well as a speed ball thrown at the robot1 at 300 kilometers per hour. The batting robot recognizes a the ball by manipulating its image, and then swings its arm to meet and hit the ball2. At a public experiment, it recognized a ball thrown from a close range of 2.5 meters in 0.2 second and hit the ball solidly.

 

コメント

 

NOMUさんは日本文の内容をよく捉えて、細かいことにこだわらずに平易な英文で表現しています。技術的な内容を英文で表現するときには、どのような読者を対象にしているかが大切です。技術的な内容を技術者を対象にして書く場合には、この分野で一般的に使われている術語を使う必要があります。一般の読者を対象にしているときは、術語を避けて平易な言葉で内容を表現する必要があります。

 

1.       すでにa high-speed batting robotが文の中に出ているので読者にわかるとおもいますが、これを入れると文が完結するとおもいます。

 

2.       少し技術的に表現するとつぎのようになります。The batting robot recognizes the baseball with its camera, processes images quickly to decide its trajectory, controls the movement of its arm and hits the baseball.

 

添削後の文章

 

"High-Speed Batting Robot"

 

A research team at Tokyo University developed a high-speed batting robot system that can easily hit a baseball such as a fork ball, a slider as well as a speed ball thrown at the robot at 300 kilometers per hour. The batting robot recognizes the ball by manipulating its image and then swings its arm to meet and hit the ball. At a public experiment, it recognized a ball thrown from a close range of 2.5 meters in 0.2 second and hit the ball solidly.

 

中級問題 118「お話会のお知らせ」

 

12月20日午後2時―3時に四日市市あさけプラザ2階小ホールで「語りの会」の会員による冬のお話会があります。内容は「子うさぎのお話」ほか。定員50人で参加は無料。問い合わせはあさけプラザTL(63)0102まで。

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 9 September 12

 

"Winter Session of Story Hour" 

 

The winter session of story hour by members of the “Storytellers Association” will be held at a small hall on the second floor of Asake Plaza in Yokkaichi City from 2:00 to 3:00 p.m. on December 20. The program includes “stories about a little rabbit” and others. The number of participants is limited to 50 and there are no participation fees. For any questions, please contact Asake Plaza at 63-01

 

添削

 

"Winter Session of Story Hour" 

 

The winter session of the story hour by members of the “Storytellers Association” will be held at a small hall on the second floor of Asake Plaza in Yokkaichi City from 2:00 to 3:00 p.m. on December 20. The program includes “stories about aA lLittle rRabbit” and others. The number of participants is limited to 50 and there are no participation fees. For any inquiries, questions, please phone contact Asake Plaza at 63-01

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Winter Session of Story Hour" 

 

The winter session of the story hour by members of the “Storytellers Association” will be held at a small hall on the second floor of Asake Plaza in Yokkaichi City from 2:00 to 3:00 p.m. on December 20. The program includes “ A Little Rabbit” and others. The number of participants is limited to 50 and there are no participation fees. For any inquiries, please phone Asake Plaza at 63-01

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Lucca, 5 July 11

 

Open Public Reading Session in December

 

An open public reading session by club members will be held at the Yokaichi City Asake Plaza Hall at the small hall (the second floor) , on December 20 from 2:00-3:00pm. December program is "the story of a little rabbit" and other stories. Participants are limited to 50 people. Participation costs are free. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact us directly by phone at (63)-0102.

 

添削

 

Open Public Reading Session in on December 20th

 

An open public reading session by club members will be held at the Yokaichi City Asake Plaza Hall at in the small hall (the second floor) , on December 20 from 2:00-3:00pm. The December program includes is "the story of a little rabbit" and other stories. Participants are limited to 50 people. Participation costs are free. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact us directly by phone at (63)-0102.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Open Public Reading Session on December 20th

 

An open public reading session by club members will be held at the Yokaichi City Asake Plaza Hall in the small hall (the second floor) on December 20 from 2:00-3:00pm. The December program includes  "the story of a little rabbit" and other stories. Participants are limited to 50 people. Participation costs are free. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact us directly by phone at (63)-0102.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 15 November 07

 

"Information on a Storytelling Day"

 

On December 20, from 2:00 to 3:00 p.m., we are holding a storytelling day at small hall on the second floor of Asaka Plaza in Yokkaichi City. The stories read by our members will be "the story of a little rabbit" and others. Admission is free but available seats are limited to 50. For more information, please call Asake Plaza at 63-0102.

 

添削

 

"Information on a Storytelling Day"

 

On December 20, from 2:00 to 3:00 p.m., we the Story Tellers’ Club is are holding a storytelling day at small hall on the second floor of Asaka Plaza in Yokkaichi City. The stories members of the club are going to tell several stories such as read by our members will be "the story of a little rabbit." and others. Admission is free but available seats are limited to 50. For more information, please call Asake Plaza at 63-0102.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。 日本文には「語りの会」とあり、このような同好会が主催するイベントのようですから、この名称を入れたほうがよいでしょう。お知らせの文章ですが情報が簡単なので、一つの段落の文章で内容がはっきりわかります。もっとたくさんの情報を伝えたいときは投稿2のよう箇条書きが便利です。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Information on a Storytelling Day"

 

On December 20, from 2:00 to 3:00 p.m., the Story Tellers’ Club is holding a storytelling day at small hall on the second floor of Asaka Plaza in Yokkaichi City. The members of the club are going to tell several stories such as "the story of a little rabbit." Admission is free but available seats are limited to 50. For more information, please call Asake Plaza at 63-0102.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NOMU, 27 Jan 04

 

"Information about Story Telling"

 

The winter session of story telling by members from 'Story tellers' is going to be held.

Time: December 20th   2:003:00p.m.

 Place:  Asake Plaza in Yokkaichi city,  the smaller hall on the 2nd floor

 Contents: 'Story of a baby rabbit' etc.

 Fee: free

 Fixed number: 50

 

For further information, feel free to call 63-0102, Asake Plaza

 

添削

 

"Information about -Story Telling at Asake Plaza"

 

The winter session of story telling by members from 'Story tTellers' is going to be held as follows1:.

 

 Time and Date: 2:003:00p.m., December 20th   2:003:00p.m.

 Place: Small Hall on the second floor of Asake Plaza in Yokkaichi Ccity2,   the smaller hall on the 2nd floor

 ContentsProgram: 'Story of a baby rabbit' etc and other stories.

 Fees3: free

 Fixed Maximum number: 50 people

 

For any further information, feel free to please call Asake Plaza at 63-01024, Asake Plaza

 

コメント

 

NOMUさんは「お知らせ」の内容を箇条書きにしています。英文のお知らせはこのような箇条書きが良く使われます。内容を簡潔に読者に伝えるのに便利です。英文の箇条書きの構成に従った添削しました。

 

1.       The program will be as follows: のようによく使います。

 

2.       英文では近いところから遠いとこへ、細かいところからおおまかなところへ、という順序でモノを記述します。日本文と逆の順序になります(この相違が思考方法と行動様式にどのように関連しているかは大変面白くまた大切な考察だと思いますが、わたしはまだ深く考えたことがありません)。

 

3.       Feesと複数にして使うことが一般的です。

 

4.       このような形式で電話番号を書くことが一般的です。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Story Telling at Asake Plaza"

 

The winter session of story telling by members from 'Story Tellers' is going to be held as follows:

 

             Time and Date: 2:003:00p.m., December 20th  

             Place: Small Hall on the second floor of Asake Plaza in Yokkaichi City

Program: 'Story of a baby rabbit' and other stories.

                Maximum number: 50 people

 

For any further information, please call Asake Plaza at 63-0102.

 

 

中級問題 119「ITの将来」

 

日進月歩で新しい技術が発表されるコンピューターの世界において、2、3年後の状態を推測するのは難しいことです。10年後にもなるとなおさらです。しかし間違いないのは、今以上にコンピューターが多極化し、姿かたちを変えさまざまな家電製品と融合しながら、私たちの生活に浸透していくだろうということです。

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 9 September 12

 

"Information Technologies in the Future"

 

With computer technologies rapidly advancing, predicting what the world of computer will look like a few years from now is a formidable task. It is all the more so when predicting 10 years from now.  But, it is quite certain that computers will further diversify, add more functions and greater flexibilities to various kinds of home appliances, thereby permeating more and more into our lives.

 

添削

 

"Information Technologies in the Future"

 

With computer technologies rapidly advancing, predicting what will be the world of computer will look like a few years from now is a formidable task. It is all the more so when we predicting 10 years into the future from now.  But, it is quite certain that computers will further diversify, and add penetrate deeper and deeper into our lives1, adding more functions and greater flexibilities to various kinds of home appliances, thereby permeating more and more into our lives.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       ここが主題ですから、文の中心に置くとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Information Technologies in the Future"

 

With computer technologies rapidly advancing, predicting what will be the world of computer  a few years from now is a formidable task. It is all the more so when we predict 10 years into the future. But, it is quite certain that computers will further diversify and penetrate deeper and deeper into our lives, adding more functions and greater flexibilities to various kinds of home appliances.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Lucca, 7 July 11

 

The Future Outlook of IT

 

The Computer technologies advance is much faster that it is difficult for us to predict the technological progress in the next two or three years. And also we know nothing about what is going on by the end of the next decade. However, one thing is for sure that the IT technology enter its multipolar age and has been intergreded into many aspects of our lives such as home electric appliances using IT. IT will become a part of people's lives in the future.

 

添削

 

The Future Outlook of Information Technology1 IT

 

The Computer technologies are advanceing is much so faster that it is difficult for us to predict their future just the technological progress in the next two to or three years. Therefore, And also it is safe to say that we know nothing about what will happen is going on in ten years by the end of the next decade2. However, one thing is for sure;3that the IT information technology will enter into the its multipolar age of diversification and penetrate deeper has been intergreded into many aspects of our lives such as it gets integrated into home electric appliances using IT. Information technology IT will become a part of people's lives in the future.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、わからないところがあります。

1.       ITは広く使われるようになりましたが、文章ではinformation technologyと表現するのがよいでしょう。

 

2.       by the end of the next decadeとすると2020年あたりになります。

 

3.       one thing is for sure that the IT technology enters ~と文は続きません。one thing for sure is that IT technology enters ~ または添削のように続けます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Future Outlook of Information Technology

 

Computer technologies are advancing so fast that it is difficult for us to predict their future just in the next two to three years. Therefore, it is safe to say that we know nothing about what will happen in ten years. However, one thing is sure; information technology will enter into the age of diversification and penetrate deeper into many aspects of our lives as it gets integrated into home electric appliances. Information technology will become a part of people's lives in the future.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 16 November 07

 

"Predicting the Future of Information Technology"

 

Computer technology is advancing so rapidly that we can't precisely predict what our life will be like in a few years, much less in ten years. However, what we can be sure is that computer technology will be introduced to a wider range of home appliances in diverse ways and become more widespread in our life.

 

添削

 

"Predicting the Future of Information Technology"

 

Computer technology is advancing so rapidly that we can't precisely predict what how it will change our life will be like in a few years, much less in ten years. However, what we can be sure is that computer technology will be introduced to a wider range of home appliances in diverse ways and become more widespread in our life.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。添削のようにしたほうがITと生活の関連がはっきりするでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Predicting the Future of Information Technology"

 

Computer technology is advancing so rapidly that we can't precisely predict how it will change our life in a few years, much less in ten years. However, what we can be sure is that computer technology will be introduced to a wider range of home appliances in diverse ways and become more widespread in our life.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NOMU, 27 Jan 04

 

"The Future of Information Technology"

 

It is difficult to speculate what will happen in the cyberworld in a few years, as new technologies are coming out rapidly and constantly in this field. When it comes to ten years later, speculation becomes all the more difficult. However, it is certain that computers will become more essencial

a part of our lives by diversifying, transforming and integrating various home appliances.

 

添削

 

"The Future of Information Technology"

 

It is difficult to speculate what will happen in the cyberworld cyber world even in a few years, as new technologies are coming out rapidly and constantly continuously in this field. When it we talk about comes to the next ten years later, speculation becomes all the more difficult. However, it is certain that computers will become a more essencial essential a part of our lives by diversifying, transforming and integrating many kinds of various home appliances1.

 

コメント

 

添削はNOMUさんの投稿を読みやすくしました。

 

1.       「今以上にコンピューターが多極化し、姿かたちを変えさまざまな家電製品と融合しながら、私たちの生活に浸透していくだろうということです。」の内容はいろいろに解釈できます。NOMUさんは「コンピューターは家電製品を多様化、変身、統合させ、今以上にわれわれの生活に欠かせないものになるだろう。」と解釈して英文で表現しています。次のような表現の仕方もあります。

 

We can say for sure, however, that computers will be integrated into home electronic appliances in many forms and will be used much more extensively in our lives.

 

添削後の文章

 

"The Future of Information Technology"

 

It is difficult to speculate what will happen in the cyber world even in a few years, as new technologies are coming out rapidly and continuously in this field. When we talk about the next ten years, speculation becomes all the more difficult. However, it is certain that computers will become a more essential part of our lives by diversifying, transforming and integrating many kinds of home appliances.

 

 

中級問題 120「正月三が日の人出予測」

 

警察庁は12月18日、新年の正月三が日に警察が雑踏警備をする初詣でや行楽地の人出予想を発表した。主な神社・仏閣(1405カ所)は、都内の人出がここ数年減る傾向にあることなどから今年の実績より25万人減って8597万人。

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 9 September 12

 

"Forecast Turnout during the First Three Days of the New Year" 

 

On December 18, the National Police Agency released its forecast for the number of people visiting temples/shrines or leisure venues where the police are in charge of crowd control from January 1st to the 3rd. About 86 million people are expected to visit temples or shrines (1,405 locations) during the period, down 0.25 million from this year. The smaller turnout reflects the declining number of visitors to these places in Tokyo for the past few years.

 

添削

 

"Forecasting the Turnout of People during the First Three Days of the New Year" 

 

On December 18, the National Police Agency released its forecast for the number of people visiting temples/shrines and or leisure venues where the police would be are in charge of crowd control for three days from January 1st to the 3rd. About 86 million people are expected to visit temples and or shrines (1,405 locations) during the period, down 0.25 million from this year. The smaller turnout reflects the declining number of visitors to these places in Tokyo for the past few years.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Forecasting the Turnout of People during the First Three Days of the New Year" 

 

On December 18, the National Police Agency released its forecast for the number of people visiting temples/shrines and leisure venues where the police would be in charge of crowd control for three days from January 1st to the 3rd. About 86 million people are expected to visit temples and shrines (1,405 locations) during the period, down 0.25 million from this year. The smaller turnout reflects the declining number of visitors to these places in Tokyo for the past few years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Lucca, 7 July 11

 

More Than 85 Million People Visit Shrines and Temples during the First Three Days of the New Year

 

On December 18, the National Police Agency announced to estimate how many people visit shrines and entertainment facilities during the first three days of the new year. These places are so crowded with visitors every year that the police needs to tighten security for the prevention of accidents. According to the police, 85,970.000 people are expected to make new year's visits to major shrines and temples (1,405 places) nationwide, a decrease of 250,000 people from this year. The popular places in Tokyo tends to reduce the number of visitors for several years.

 

添削

 

More Than 85 Million People Visit Shrines and Temples during the First Three Days of the New Year

 

On December 18, the National Police Agency announced to a forecast estimate how many people would visit shrines, temples and entertainment facilities during the first three days of the new year. These places are so crowded with visitors every year that the police needs to tighten security for the prevention of accidents1. According to the police, 85,970.000 people are expected to make new year's visits to major shrines and temples (1,405 places) nationwide, a decrease of 250,000 people from this year. The popular places in Tokyo tends to attracted les and less reduce the number of visitors for the last several years.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。わかりやすい題名が付いています。

 

1.       日本文には「警察が雑踏警備をする初詣」と連体修飾形になっていますが、Luccaさんは独立した文にして内容をうまく説明しています。連体修飾形は日本文を続けていく形式ですが、英文ではこの投稿のように独立した文で表現した方が、英文全体がすっきりすることが多いです。

 

添削後の文章

 

More Than 85 Million People Visit Shrines and Temples during the First Three Days of the New Year

 

On December 18, the National Police Agency announced a forecast  how many people would visit shrines, temples and entertainment facilities during the first three days of the new year. These places are so crowded with visitors every year that the police needs to tighten security for the prevention of accidents. According to the police, 85,970.000 people are expected to make new year's visits to major shrines and temples (1,405 places) nationwide, a decrease of 250,000 people from this year. The popular places in Tokyo  attracted les and less  visitors for the last several years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 11 September 07

 

More than 85 Million People Expected during the First Three Days of New Years.

 

On December 18, the National Police Agency (NPA) announced its forecast of how many people will visit shrines, temples and resorts during the first three days of the new year. The NPA forecasts that 85.97 million people nationwide will visit a total of 1,405 major Shinto shrines and Buddhist temples, down by 250,000 from this year. The figures are based on the current trend that the number of people visiting those places in Tokyo has been decreasing in the last few years, the NPA says.

 

添削

 

More than 8651 Million People Expected to Visit Shrines, Temples, and Resorts during the First Three Days of the New Years.

 

On December 18, the National Police Agency (NPA) announced its forecasts of how many people will visit shrines, temples and resorts during the first three days of the new year. The NPA forecasts that 865.97 million people nationwide will visit a total of 1,405 major Shinto shrines and Buddhist temples nationwide, down by 250,000 from this year. The figures forecasts are based on the current trend in Tokyo that the number of people visiting those places in Tokyo has been decreasing in the last few years, the NPA says.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       大きな数字なので概算でよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

“More than 86 Million People Expected to Visit Shrines, Temples, and Resorts during the First Three Days of the New Year”

 

On December 18, the National Police Agency (NPA) announced its forecasts of how many people will visit shrines, temples and resorts during the first three days of the new year. The NPA forecasts that 86 million people will visit a total of 1,405 major Shinto shrines and Buddhist temples nationwide, down by 250,000 from this year. The forecasts are based on the current trend in Tokyo that the number of people visiting those places has been decreasing in the last few years, the NPA says.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NOMU, 29 Jan 04

 

"The Projection of Turnout during New Year's"

 

The National Police Agency announced on Dec.18 the projection of turnout for New Year's visit and holiday making from Jan.1 to 3 next year, when they are supposed to control crowds. Their projection at 1405 major shrines and temples was 85,970,000, down 230,000 from this year's figure, since the number of those who have visited there is on the decline last several years.

 

添削

 

"The Projection of the Number of the Turnout of People at Shrines, Temples, and Entertainment Facilities during the New Year’s Holidays1"

 

The National Police Agency announced on Dec. December 18 the projection of the turnout of people for New Year's visits to shrines, temples, and entertainment facilities2  and holiday making from Jan.1 to 3 January the first to the third next year, when where3 they are supposed to will be in charge of controlling control crowds. Their projection of the turnout at 1,405 major shrines and temples was is 85,970,000, down 230,000 from this year's figure., since This is based on the trend that4 the number of those who have visited people visiting there these places has been is on the decline over the last several years.

 

コメント

 

1.       「正月三が日の人出予測」は日本のことを知っている人には何を言っているのかすぐにわかります。この内容を英文で表現するときに、読者を誰に設定するかによってどの程度の説明を加えるかが決まります。実際に英文を書くときには想定した読者がいるので、説明の程度も決まると思います。ではこの添削講座では読者を誰に設定したらよいでしょうか。日本文の内容を正確に英文で表現することが講座の目的なので、読者は日本のことを知らない人と仮定しています。そのため、日本人の読者にはすこしくどいほどに内容を説明します。

 

2.       具体的な説明を加えました。

 

3.       正月3が日を指すwhenより神社、仏閣などを指すwhereのほうが具体的になります。

 

4.       新しい文にしたほうが内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

"The Projection of the Number of the Turnout of People at Shrines, Temples, and Entertainment Facilities during the New Year Holidays"

 

The National Police Agency announced on December 18 the projection of the turnout of people for New Year's visits to shrines, temples, and entertainment facilities from January the first to the third next year where they will be in charge of controlling crowds. Their projection of the turnout at 1,405 major shrines and temples is 85,970,000, down 230,000 from this year's figure., This is based on the trend that the number of people visiting these places has been on the decline over the last several years.