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中級練習問題の添削 101−110

 

中級問題 101 「手が不自由な人にやさしい食器」(24 Nov 03) (4 Nov 06) (24 Nov 07)

(21 July 12)

中級問題 102 「神戸本町高架商店街」(27 Nov 03) (25 Nov 07) (15 Jan 08)

(22 June 11) (21 July 12)

中級問題 103 「いつ年をとるか」(6 Dec 03) (27 Nov 07) (18 Jan 09) (22 June 11)

(29 July 12)

中級問題 104 「有馬温泉旅行の特別乗車券」(6 Dec 03) (28 Nov 07) (28 Jan 08)

(23 June 11) (29 July 12)

中級問題 105 「伊能大図の公開」(10 Dec 03) (30 Nov 07) (31 Jan 08) (23 June 11)

(29 July 12)

中級問題 106 「名護市の幼稚園英語授業始まる(6 Dec 3) (2 Dec 06) (1 Dec 07)

(20 Feb 08) (25 June 11) (9 Aug 12)

中級問題 107 「三陸沖でエチゼンクラゲの大発生」(6 Dec 03) (5 Dec 07) (20 Feb 08)

(25 June 11) (9 Aug 12)

中級問題 108 「インターネット言語は英語が優勢」(10 Dec 03) (10 Dec 07)

(26 Feb 08) (28 June 11) (9 Aug 12)

中級問題 109 「北極海の氷が減少」(14 Jan 03) (13 Sept 07) (27 Feb 08) (28 June 11)

(20 Aug 12)

中級問題 110 「たばこの売り上げが減少」(17 Dec 03) (22 Sept 07) (29 Feb 08)

(29 June 11) (20 Aug 12)

 

中級問題 101 「手が不自由な人にやさしい食器」

 

寝たきりの高齢者に対する訪問理美容サービスを続ける神戸市の理容師が、手が不自由な人に優しい食器を発明した。器の縁を内側に曲げ、食べ物を引っ掛けスプーンにのせるアイデア。握力の弱い人も、最後の一すくいまで食事を楽しめるという。介護を受けるお年寄りらから聞いた悩みを、器に反映した。

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 21 July 12

 

"Plates Lenient to People with Disabled Hands" 

 

A barber in Kobe City invented a plate specifically designed for those having difficulty with their hands. The brim of the plate is bent inward so that food on the plate can be thoroughly scooped out with a spoon at the brim. As such the plate allows even people with a weak grip to eat all food down to the last scoop. The barber has long been doing home-visit hairdressing service to bedridden elderly people and come up with the idea for the plate while listening to their long-cherished desire.

 

添削

 

"Plates Lenient Friendly1 to People with Disabled Hands" 

 

A barber in Kobe City invented a plate specifically designed for those having difficulty with their hands. The brim of the plate is bent inward so that food on the plate can be thoroughly scooped out with a spoon at the brim. As such the plate allows even people with a weak grip to eat all food down to the last scoop. The barber has long been doing home-visit hairdressing services to bedridden elderly people and come up with the idea for the plate while listening to their long-cherished desire.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。細かなところまで丁寧にわかりやすく表現してあります。

 

1.       environmentally friendly, environment-friendly, child-friendly など、friendlyという表現が近年よく使われます。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Plates Friendly to People with Disabled Hands" 

 

A barber in Kobe City invented a plate specifically designed for those having difficulty with their hands. The brim of the plate is bent inward so that food on the plate can be thoroughly scooped out with a spoon at the brim. As such the plate allows even people with a weak grip to eat all food down to the last scoop. The barber has long been doing home-visit hairdressing services to bedridden elderly people and come up with the idea for the plate while listening to their long-cherished desire.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 20 June 11

 

A Special Plate Is Developed by a Hairdresser in Care Sites.

 

A hairdresser in Kobe developed a special plate for people who had difficulty using their hands. The hair dresser had visited the houses of aged bedridden people to cut their hair and came up with the idea while listening to their daily struggling. The design of plate have a curve to inside at the rim. The curve plays an important role that food is lifted up upward along the curve by a spoon so that food easily drops into the spoon. Even people with a weak grip can enjoy eating everything in the plate with help this design.

 

添削

 

A Special Plate for the Handicapped Is Developed by a Hairdresser in Care Sites.

 

A hairdresser in Kobe developed a special plate for people who had difficulty using their hands. The hair dresser had been visiteding the houses of old aged bedridden people to cut their hair and came up with the idea while listening to their daily struggling struggles. The design of plate has have a special rim that is curved to inside at the rim1. The curve plays an important role role. When that food is lifted up upward along the curve by a spoon, so that food can be easily dropsped into the spoon2. Even people with a weak grip can enjoy eating everything in on the plate with this plate help this design.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、このお皿の形状と、どうして食べ物がスプーンの乗るかの説明が分かり難いです。

1.       主語をお皿にして、先ずはThe plate has a special rim.と概要を記述して、それからこのrimの説明をするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       動作を二段階に分解して説明するとよいでしょう。The curve plays an important role.はおまけです。

 

添削後の文章

 

A Special Plate for the Handicapped Is Developed by a Hairdresser

 

A hairdresser in Kobe developed a special plate for people who had difficulty using their hands. The hair dresser had been visiting the houses of old bedridden people to cut their hair and came up with the idea while listening to their daily struggles. The plate has a special rim that is curved inside. The curve plays an important role. When food is lifted upward along the curve by a spoon, food can be easily dropped into the spoon. Even people with a weak grip can enjoy eating everything on the plate with this plate .

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(さくら、1 December 07

 

“Plate for Hand Disorders”

 

A hairdresser who was providing visiting haircut services to bedridden elders in Kobe City invented plates which were easy to use for people with hand disorders. The edge of those plates is bent inside to let food easily place on the spoon. Using those plates, people who have weak gripping power can scoop until the last spoonful of food. The hairdresser reflected the problem he heard from the elders into the plates.

 

添削

 

A Special Plate for People with Hand Disorders”

 

A hairdresser who provides1 was providing visiting haircut services to bedridden elders elderly people in Kobe City has invented a plates which were can be easily easy to used2 by for people with hand disorders. The edge of those the plates is bent inside to let food be easily placed on the spoon. Using those this plates, people who havewith a weak gripping power can scoop food until the last spoonful of food piece. The hairdresser reflected tried to solve the problem he heard from the elders elderly and invented3 into the plates.

 

コメント

 

わかり難いところがありますが、内容はわかります。

 

1.       この記事の時点でまだこのサービスを行っているようなので現在形がよいでしょう。

 

2.       投稿の文構造ですとfor peopleが仮主語となります。添削のように仮主語の無い文構造のほうが読みやすくなります。

 

3.       Reflected an idea to solve the problem into the plate と表現することもできますが、添削のようにしたほうが平明でしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

“A Special Plate for People with Hand Disorders”

 

A hairdresser who provides visiting haircut services to bedridden elderly people in Kobe City has invented a plate which can be easily used by people with hand disorders. The edge of the plate is bent inside to let food be easily placed on the spoon. Using this plate, people with a weak gripping power can scoop food until the last piece. The hairdresser tried to solve the problem he heard from the elderly and invented the plate.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 24 November 07

 

"Plates for People with Handicapped Hands"

 

A hairdresser in Kobe has devised a plate designed for a person who has handicapped hands. The plate has an inward curved rim and allows a user to trap food and easily push it onto a spoon. Even a person with a weak grip can eat up the whole dish with less difficulty. The hairdresser provides haircut services for the bedridden elderly and hit on the idea of the dish while listening to their daily life problems.

 

添削

 

"Plates for People Who Have Difficulty with Handicapped Their Hands"

 

A hairdresser in Kobe has devised a plate designed for a person who has handicapped difficulty with his hands1. The plate has an inwardly curved rim and allows a user to trap food at the rim and easily push it onto a spoon. Even a person with a weak grip can eat food on the plate until the last piece2 up the whole dish with less difficulty. The hairdresser provides haircut services for the bedridden elderly and hit on the idea of the dish plate while listening to their daily life problems.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       添削のようにすると一般的です。高齢の人は特に手に障害がなくても、手先がおぼつかなくなる人がいます。

 

2.       このように説明するとはっきりするでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Plates for People Who Have Difficulty with Their Hands"

 

A hairdresser in Kobe has devised a plate designed for a person who has difficulty with his hands. The plate has an inwardly curved rim and allows a user to trap food at the rim and easily push it onto a spoon. Even a person with a weak grip can eat food on the plate until the last piece. The hairdresser provides haircut services for the bedridden elderly and hit on the idea of the plate while listening to their daily problems.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(YASUKUN, 4 November 06

 

Dishes for Disabled People

  

A hairdresser living in Kobe, who has visited the houses of the aged bedridden people and cut their hair for years, recently invented a dish that was easily handled by people who have difficulty with their hands. The dish has a curved edge so that the disabled people can scoop up food at the edge with a spoon. Even though you have difficulty in holding a spoon, you can enjoy your meal till you scoop up the last spoonful of meal with this marvelous dish. The hairdresser came up with the idea of the design of this dish from the complaints of the elderly who were reserving nursing cares.

 

添削

 

Dishes for Disabled Physically Handicapped1 People

  

A hairdresser living in Kobe, who has been visiteding2 the houses of the aged bedridden people and cuttng their hair for years, recently invented a dish that was easily handled by people who have difficulty in using with their hands. The dish has a curved edge so that the disabled physically handicapped people can scoop up food at the edge with a spoon3. Even though you have difficulty in tightly holding a spoon, you can enjoy your meal till until you scoop up the last spoonful of meal food with this marvelous dish. The hairdresser came up with the idea of for the design of this dish from the complaints of the elderly who were receiving nursing cares.

 

コメント

 

1.       体に障害があって不自由な人、a physically handicapped personという一般的な表現があります。

2.       今までずっと訪問している、ならばhas been visitingがよいでしょう。

 

3.       「器の縁を内側に曲げ、食べ物を引っ掛けスプーンにのせるので、(手の)不自由な人でも最後の一すくいまで食事を楽しめる。」をThe dish has a curved edge so that the physically handicapped people can scoop up food at the edge with a spoon. は英語でどのように表現したらよいか迷うところですが、YASUKUNはわかりやすく表現していますね。「この器はカーブした縁が付いている。それで手の不自由な人はスプーンで食べ物を縁のところですくうことが出来る。」と言い換えて表現しています。実際に見ないとどういう器かわかりませんが、縁が内側に曲がっている、ということを説明するのならば、The dish has an edge that is curved inward so that ~とすることが出来ます。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Dishes for Physically Handicapped People”

  

A hairdresser living in Kobe, who has been visiting the houses of the aged bedridden people and cutting their hair for years, recently invented a dish that was easily handled by people who have difficulty in using their hands. The dish has a curved edge so that the physically handicapped people can scoop up food at the edge with a spoon. Even though you have difficulty in tightly holding a spoon, you can enjoy your meal until you scoop up the last spoonful of food with this marvelous dish. The hairdresser came up with the idea for the design of this dish from the complaints of the elderly who were receiving nursing care.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(やまもと、24 Nov 03

 

“Dishes Friendly to Disabled Persons”

 

A hairdresser in Kobe invented a dish that can be used easily by those who have difficulty in using their hands. A new dish has an edge that is curved inside so that a disabled person can scoop food by pushing it to the edge of the dish. Even those who have weak hands can scoop the food until the last piece. The hairdresser visits seniors at home provide her services and invented the dish to solve some of her clients’ problems.

 

添削

 

“Dishes Friendly to1 for Disabled Persons”

 

A hairdresser in Kobe has invented a dish that can be easily used easily by those who have difficulty in using with their hands2. A The new dish has an a curved3 edge that is curved inside so that a disabled person can scoop up food by pushing it to the edge of the dish3. Even those who have with weak hands can scoop the up food until the last piece. The hairdresser visits seniors at home to provide her services and invented the dish to solve some of her clients’ problems.

 

コメント

 

1.       user-friendly equipment のような表現もありますが、dishes friendly to a personでは、user-friendly dishes という語句が一般化していないので、意味が分かりません。ここでは簡単にdishes for disabled personsでよいと思います。

 

2.       「寝たきりの高齢者に対する訪問理美容サービスを続ける神戸市の理容師が」という日本文の表現は「神戸市の理容師が〜」と「この理容師は寝たきりの高齢者に対する訪問理美容サービスを続けている。」二つの文を修飾詞節でつないだものです。英文ではA hairdresser in Kobe who visits seniors at home to provide her services,と関係代名詞を使う方法もありますが、やまもとさんのように修飾詞節の内容を別の文で表現したほうが文章がすっきりします。

 

3.       こうすると文が簡単になり意味もはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Dishes for Disabled Persons”

 

A hairdresser in Kobe has invented a dish that can be easily used by those who have difficulty  with their hands. The new dish has a curved edge so that a disabled person can scoop up food by pushing it to the edge of the dish3. Even those with weak hands can scoop up food until the last piece. The hairdresser visits seniors at home to provide her services and invented the dish to solve some of her clients’ problems.

 

 

中級問題 102 「神戸本町高架商店街」

 

神戸市中央区、元町高架通商店街、通称「モトコー」はJR元町駅西側からJR神戸駅東側までの高架下、約1.5キロに、1番街から7番街まで約300店舗が連なる。この商店街を、店員も客も「濃いまち」と口をそろえる。ルーツは、戦後の闇市。最近は若者向きのカジュアルな店の開店が相次ぎ、観光客も多数訪れる。一方で、昔ながらの店にも根強い客が多い。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 21 July 12

 

"Motomachi Shopping Mall in Kobe" 

 

The Motomachi Shopping Mall, commonly called “Motoko” is in Chuo Ward, Kobe City. Motoko extends about 1.5 kilometers beneath the elevated JR tracks from the west side of Motomachi Station to the east side of Kobe Station. Consisting of 7 blocks, Motoko accommodate a total of 300 stores. Customers and store clerks alike unanimously proclaim the wide variety of goods and services being sold there. Motoko as a shopping mall traces its roots back to a black market in the postwar period. There has recently been a spate of new stores selling edgy and fashionable goods for young people, attracting lots of tourists. While at the same time, some traditional stores remain still popular among their longtime customer

 

添削

 

"Motomachi Shopping Mall in Kobe" 

 

The Motomachi Shopping Mall, commonly called “Motoko,” is in Chuo Ward, Kobe City. Motoko extends about 1.5 kilometers beneath the elevated JR tracks from the west side of Motomachi Station to the east side of Kobe Station. Consisting of 7 blocks, Motoko accommodate a total of 300 stores. Customers and store clerks alike unanimously proclaim that a the wide variety of goods and services are available at the mall being sold there. Motoko as a shopping mall traces its roots back to a black market in the postwar period. There has recently been a spate of new stores selling edgy and fashionable goods for young people, attracting lots of tourists. While aAt the same time, some traditional stores remain still popular among their longtime customers

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Motomachi Shopping Mall in Kobe" 

 

The Motomachi Shopping Mall, commonly called “Motoko,” is in Chuo Ward, Kobe City. Motoko extends about 1.5 kilometers beneath the elevated JR tracks from the west side of Motomachi Station to the east side of Kobe Station. Consisting of 7 blocks, Motoko accommodate a total of 300 stores. Customers and store clerks alike unanimously proclaim that a wide variety of goods and services are available at the mall . Motoko as a shopping mall traces its roots back to a black market in the postwar period. There has recently been a spate of new stores selling edgy and fashionable goods for young people, attracting lots of tourists. At the same time, some traditional stores remain still popular among their longtime customers

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 22 June 11

 

Motomachi Shopping Mall in Kobe.

 

Motomachi Local Shopping Mall, called Motokou, is located in Cyuo Ward, Kobe City extending under the elevating structure of JR railway line between the west side of JR Motomachi Station and the east side of JR Kobe Station. The 1.5 kilometer-long mall from the 1st Street to the 7th Street has been bustling with 300 shops.  The store staffs of the mall as well as visitors have its impression of "concentrated shopping town".

 

The mall was originally a black-market after the Second World War. But in recent years, many casual shops for young people are open one after another, drawing many visitors. The old shops in the mall also have many regular costumers.

 

添削

 

Motomachi Shopping Mall in Kobe.

 

The Motomachi Local Shopping Mall, called Motokou, is located in Cyuo Ward, Kobe City, extending under the elevating structure of the JR railway line between the west side of JR Motomachi Station and the east side of JR Kobe Station. The 1.5 kilometer-long mall from the 1st Street to the 7th Street has been bustling with 300 shops stores2.  The store staffs3 of the mall as well as visitors call the mall have its impression of "the concentrated shopping town".

 

The mall was originally a black-market after the Second World War. But in recent years, many casual shops stores for young people have are opened one after another, drawing many visitors. As yet, Tthe old stores shops in the mall also have many regular costumers.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが、The store staffs of the mall as well as visitors have its impression of "concentrated shopping town".の意味がはっきりしません。

 

1.       題名には通常ピリオドは付けません。

 

2.       storesまたはshopsに統一します。

 

3.       staffは集合名詞です。店員のなかの特定なひとを指す場合はa certain member of the staff of the storeというようになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Motomachi Shopping Mall in Kobe

 

The Motomachi Shopping Mall, called Motokou, is located in Cyuo Ward, Kobe City, under the elevating structure of the JR railway line between the west side of JR Motomachi Station and the east side of JR Kobe Station. The 1.5 kilometer-long mall from the 1st Street to the 7th Street has been bustling with 300 stores. The store staff as well as visitors call the mall  "the concentrated shopping town".

 

The mall was originally a black-market after the Second World War. But in recent years, many casual stores for young people have opened one after another, drawing many visitors. As yet, the old stores in the mall have many regular costumers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(さくら、15 January 08

 

“Shops underneath the elevated railway tracks in Motomachi, Kobe”

 

There are about three hundred shops underneath the elevated railway tracks from the west side of JR Motomachi Station to the east side of JR Kobe station. It is located in Chuou Ward, Kobe City and called “Motoko” by the local people. The shops line one and half kilometer long including seven walkways. Customers as well as shop clerks say that this area is like a treasure box. The root ofMotoko is back to the black market appeared in the aftermath of the World War II These days, many new shops for young people have replaced the old ones and many tourists visit there too. But the old customers still love shopping at “Motoko”.

 

添削

 

“Shops underneath the elevated railway tracks in Motomachi, Kobe”

 

There are is a shopping mall1 of about three hundred shops underneath the elevated railway tracks that stretch from the west side of JR Motomachi Station to the east side of JR Kobe sStation. It The shopping mall is located in Chuou Ward, Kobe City and called “Motoko” by the local people. The shops shopping mall is lined up one and half kilometers long including seven walkways. Customers as well as shop clerks say that this area shopping mall is like a treasure box providing customers with all kinds of goods and services2. The root ofMotoko is goes back to the black market that appeared there in the aftermath of the World War II These days, many new shops for young people have replaced opened along3 the old ones

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       モトコー全体を一つのショッピングモールとすると内容の記述が簡単になります。

 

2.       こんな説明を加えるとよいでしょう。

 

3.       昔ながらの店もある、のでこのようにしました。実際は古い店が商売をたたみ、その後に新しい店が入るのでしょうが、New shops have replaced the old ones.とすると古い店が全部無くなったような印象になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Shops underneath the elevated railway tracks in Motomachi, Kobe”

 

There is a shopping mall of about three hundred shops underneath the elevated railway tracks that stretch from the west side of JR Motomachi Station to the east side of JR Kobe Station. The shopping mall is located in Chuou Ward, Kobe City and called “Motoko” by the local people. The shopping mall is lined up one and half kilometers long including seven walkways. Customers as well as shop clerks say that this shopping mall is like a treasure box providing customers with all kinds of goods and services. The root ofMotoko goes back to the black market that appeared there in the aftermath of the World War II These days, many new shops for young people have opened along the old ones

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 25 November 07

 

"Motomachi Shopping Street"

 

The Motomachi Shopping Street known as "Motokou" is located in Chuo Ward, Kobe City, stretching about 1.5 kilometers under the railroad tracks between the west side of JR Motomachi Station and the east side of JR Kobe Station. Motokou features some 300 stores standing side by side from the first to seventh avenues and selling various goods from food to clothes. Both shopkeepers and customers say anything is available at motokou. Originally, Motokou was a black market after World War Two, but these days more and more fashionable stores for young people are opening. These stores are attracting many tourists while old stores remain popular among local residents.

 

添削

 

"Motomachi Shopping Street in Kobe"

 

The Motomachi Shopping Street known as "Motokou" is located in Chuo Ward, Kobe City, stretching about 1.5 kilometers under the railroad tracks between the west side of JR Motomachi Station and the east side of JR Kobe Station. Motokou features some 300 stores standing side by side from the first to seventh avenues and selling various goods from food to clothes. Both shopkeepers and customers say anything is available at mMotokou. Originally, Motokou was a black market after World War TwoII1, but these days more and more fashionable stores for young people are opening. These stores are attracting many tourists while old stores remain popular among local residents.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。わかりやすい文章ですね。

 

1.       第二次世界大戦はthe Second World War, World War IIと一般的に表現します。World War IIは簡便な表記法ですから、正確な読み方はthe second world war になります。ただし、方便としてworld war two という人もいます。文章ではWorld War II とします。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Motomachi Shopping Street in Kobe"

 

The Motomachi Shopping Street known as "Motokou" is located in Chuo Ward, Kobe City, stretching about 1.5 kilometers under the railroad tracks between the west side of JR Motomachi Station and the east side of JR Kobe Station. Motokou features some 300 stores standing side by side from the first to seventh avenue and selling various goods from food to clothes. Both shopkeepers and customers say anything is available at Motokou. Originally, Motokou was a black market after World War II, but these days more and more fashionable stores for young people are opening. These stores are attracting many tourists while old stores remain popular among local residents.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(オカヤ、27 Nov 03

 

“Motomachi Shopping Mall Under the Elevated Railway”

 

There is a shopping mall with about 300 stores under the elevated railway from the west side of JR Motomatchi Station to the east side of JR Kobe Station in Chuo Ward of Kobe City. This shopping mall is generally called Motoko. Both sales clerks and customers say Motoko has a rich variety of stores and merchandises. It started as a black market right after the war but recently a series of stores with a casual atmosphere have opened for young customers. Now many tourists visit the mall but regular customers still visit old stores.

 

添削

 

“Motomachi Shopping Mall Under the Elevated Railway”

 

There is a shopping mall with about 300 stores under the elevated railway that goes from the west side of JR Motomatchi Station to the east side of JR Kobe Station in Chuo Ward of Kobe City. This shopping mall is generally called Motoko1. Both sales clerks and customers say Motoko has a rich variety of stores and merchandises. It Motoko2 started as a black market right after the war, but recently a series of stores with a more casual atmosphere have opened for young customers. Now many Many tourists now visit the mall but regular customers still visit old stores.

 

コメント

 

1.       「神戸市中央区、元町高架通商店街、通称「モトコー」はJR元町駅西側からJR神戸駅東側までの高架下、約1.5キロに、1番街から7番街まで約300店舗が連なる。」はいろいろな情報が詰まった文ですから、どのように整理して英文で表現するかが大切です。このためには情報に重要さの順位をつけて整理します。オカヤさんはThere is a shopping mall under the elevated railway. This is called Motoko.を重要な情報として日本文の内容を整理しています。

 

2.       Motokoを繰り返したほうが読者に内容がわかりやすくなります。短い文章のなかでも固有名詞は代名詞を使わずに固有名詞を繰り返して使ったほうが良いと思います。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Motomachi Shopping Mall Under the Elevated Railway”

 

There is a shopping mall with about 300 stores under the elevated railway that goes from the west side of JR Motomachi Station to the east side of JR Kobe Station in Chuo Ward of Kobe City. This shopping mall is generally called Motoko. Both sales clerks and customers say Motoko has a rich variety of stores and merchandise. Motoko started as a black market right after the war, but recently a series of stores with a more casual atmosphere have opened for young customers. Many tourists now visit the mall but regular customers still visit old stores.

 

 

中級問題 103 「いつ年をとるか」

 

65歳を迎え、これまで扶養家族だったために自分では保険料を払ったことのなかった私に介護保険料の通知が来た。ところが「9月1日」生まれなのに、8月分から請求されている。区役所に尋ねると「9月1日生まれは、8月31日に年をとる計算なので8月分からいただきます。法律で決まっています」との答えであった。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 29 July 12

 

"When Are You One Year Older?"  

 

Turning to 65 years of age, I received a notice requesting me to pay a nursing-care insurance premium. Until then I had never paid the premium since I had been treated as a dependent in the social insurance program. The notice said the premium payment was due and payable from August and on whereas I was born on September 1. I asked the ward office as to why the premium was levied from August only to learn that the Act on Counting of Ages stipulates that people get one year older on one day before their birthday. Born on September 1, I reached 65 on August 31 and hence became liable for the premium payment from August onward.

 

添削

 

"When Do Are You Become One Year Older?" 

 

Turning to 65 years of age, I received a notice requesting me to pay a nursing-care insurance premium. Until then I had never paid the premium since I had been treated as a dependent in the social insurance program. The notice said the premium payment should start was due and payable from in August and on whereas I was born on September 1. I asked the ward office as to why the premium was levied from August only to learn that the Act on Counting of Ages stipulates that people get one year older on one day before their birthday. Born on September 1, I reached 65 on August 31 and hence became liable for the premium payment from August onward.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"When Do  You Become One Year Older?" 

 

Turning to 65 years of age, I received a notice requesting me to pay a nursing-care insurance premium. Until then I had never paid the premium since I had been treated as a dependent in the social insurance program. The notice said the premium payment should start in August whereas I was born on September 1. I asked the ward office why the premium was levied from August only to learn that the Act on Counting of Ages stipulates that people get one year older on one day before their birthday. Born on September 1, I reached 65 on August 31 and hence became liable for the premium payment from August onward.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 22 June 11

 

Since When Do You Get Older?

 

I ,65 years old, have never paid for the insurance premium by myself because of a dependent in my family. But I received a bill of the premium for nursing care insurance after September 1 that was my birth day.  I was wondering why I had to pay for it from August, not from September.

 

I asked a local town office about it. They said that people who was born on September 1 were regarded to get a year old as of August 31 in accordance with the law. Therefore, they started to collect it from August.

 

添削

 

Since Exactly When Do I You Get One Year Older?

 

I ,am 65 years old ,and have never paid for the any insurance premium for public insurance programs by for myself2 because I have been of a dependent person in my family. But The other day3, however, I received a bill for of the premium for of the nursing care insurance program after I had become 65 on my birthday of September 1 that was my birth day4. The bill was for August5. I was wonderinged why I had to start paying the premium for it from in August, not in from September.

 

I asked a local town office about it. They said that people who was were born on September 1 were regarded to become get a year older as of on August 31 in accordance with the law. Therefore, they I had to start paying the premium6 started to collect it from in August.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、分かり難いところがあります。

 

1.       本文で自分の経験を述べているのでyouではなくIがよいでしょう。

 

2.       文を二つにわけてI am 65 years old and have never ~としたほうが、内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

3.       The other dayをいれて、前との文のつながりをよくするとよいでしょう。

 

4.       従属節にしたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

5.       これを入れた方が次の文の内容がはっきりします。

 

6.       今までの文章でこの人が支払いをすることを主題にしているので、ここも同じ視点から記述します。

 

添削後の文章

 

Exactly When Do I  Get One Year Older?

 

I am 65 years old and have never paid any premium for public insurance programs for myself because I have been a dependent person in my family. The other day, however, I received a bill for the premium of the nursing care insurance program after I had become 65 on my birthday of September 1. The bill was for August. I wondered why I had to start paying the premium in August not in September.

 

I asked a local town office about it. They said that people who were born on September 1 were regarded to become a year older on August 31 in accordance with the law. Therefore, I had to start paying the premium in August.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(さくら、18 January 08

 

"When do you get one year older?”

 

Having turning to 65 years old, I received a bill of the premium payment for nursing-care insurance. I have not paid it before because I was a dependent family member. My birthday is September 1st, but the bill says that I need to pay for the premium of the month of August. I inquired my ward office about the discrepancy of the date and the official said “People who were born on September 1st are assumed to get one year older on August 31st. That is defined by a law.”

 

添削

 

"When do you get one year older?”

 

Having turning to 65 years old, I received a bill of the premium payment for the National nNursing-care iInsurance. I have not paid it before because I was a dependent family member. My birthday is September 1st, but the bill says that I need to pay for the premium of for the month of August. I inquired my ward office about the discrepancy of between the two dates and the official said answered, “People who were are born on September 1st are assumed to get one year older on August 31st. That This1 is defined by a law.”

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       今、話している事柄をさすのでthisがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"When do you get one year older?”

 

Having turning to 65 years old, I received a bill of the premium payment for the National Nursing-care Insurance. I have not paid it before because I was a dependent family member. My birthday is September 1st, but the bill says that I need to pay the premium for the month of August. I inquired my ward office about the discrepancy between the two dates and the official answered, “People who are born on September 1st are assumed to get one year older on August 31st. This is defined by a law.”

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(kalo, 27 November 07

 

"How old am I?"

 

Before the age of 65, I didn't need to pay nursing-care insurance premiums on my own because I was a dependent family member whose premiums were paid from my spouse's salary. When I turned 65, then, I received a statement of the payment for the premiums. The statement said that I was charged with the premiums for August though I was born on September 1. I wanted to know the reason and inquired at the ward office. They answered that legally a person will be charged with the premiums from the month before when his birthday is the first of the month. That was the reason I had to pay the premiums for August.

 

添削

 

"How old am I?"

 

Before the age of 65, I didn't need to pay the premium for the National nNursing-care iInsurance premiums on my own because I was a dependent family member of the family and my whose premiums was were paid by from my spouse's salary. When I turned 65, then, I received an invoice for statement of the payment for the premiums. The statement invoice said that I was charged with the premiums for from August onward though I was born on September 1. I wanted to know the reason and inquired at the ward office. They answered that legally a person will would be one year older on the day before his birthday. So, I became 66 on August 311. charged with the premiums from the month before when his birthday is the first of the month. That was the reason I had to pay the premiums for August.

 

コメント

 

from the month before when his birthday is the first of the monthのとこらは推量できますがはっきりしません。

 

1.       法律を正確に調べてはいませんが、「9月1日生まれは、8月31日に年をとる計算なので」は「誕生日の一日前に年をとる」ということではないでしょうか。不思議ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Before the age of 65, I didn't need to pay the premium for the National Nursing-care Insurance on my own because I was a dependent member of the family and my premium was paid by my spouse. When I turned 65, I received an invoice for the premium. The invoice said that I was charged with the premium from August onward though I was born on September 1. I wanted to know the reason and inquired at the ward office. They answered that legally a person would be one year older on the day before his birthday. So, I became 66 on August 31. That was the reason I had to pay the premium for August.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(みささ、6 Dec 03

 

“Legally speaking, when do we become one-year older?”

 

When I became 65-years old, I received an invoice for the premium of the National Nursing-Care Insurance. Since I had been a dependent member of the family, I have never paid the premium before. The invoice said that I would start paying the premium in August even though I was born on September 1. When I asked a ward office, I was told that legally speaking people become one year older on one day before their birthday. That is, I became 65 years old on August 30 and therefore I had to pay the premium for the month of August.

 

添削

 

“Legally speaking, when do we become one-year older?”

 

When I became turned 65-years old, I received an invoice for the premium of the for National Nursing-Care Insurance1. Since I had been a dependent member of the family, I have never paid the premium before. The invoice said that I would start paying the premium in August even though I was born on September 12. When I asked a at the ward office3, I was told that legally speaking people become one year older on one day before their birthday. That is, I became 65 years old on August 30 and therefore I had to pay the premium for the month of August3.

 

 

コメント

 

日本文は一読して内容がわかりますが、この内容を英文で表現するとなると、さてどこから始めようか迷います。この難しさは、日本文ではいろいろと内容が省略されて表現してあるのに、英文では省略された部分を補わなければならないことにあります。みさささんは日本文の内容をよく掌握してから英文で表現しています。

 

みさささんは日本文の内容を要点は次のようにしています。

 

「介護保険料の請求書を受け取った。」

「法律的は私たちは誕生日の一日前の日に一歳年をとる。」

「私は9月1日生まれなので、8月31日に65歳になった。」

「私は8月分の保険料を払わなければならない。」

 

このように日本文の要点を捕らえてから、英文で表現しています。

 

1.       みさささんは「これまで扶養家族だったために自分では保険料を払ったことのなかった私に」を独立した英文で表現しています。これは、このホームページの読者の皆様にはおなじみの、日本語の構文と英語の構文の違いの一つですね。

 

2.       I asked a ward office.ですと「区役所に訊ねた」となって良いようですが、英文では「区役所」という事務所、建造物にはモノを訊ねません。I asked an officer at the ward office my question.と人にモノを訊ねます。文脈からわかることを省略するとI asked at the ward office.になります。

 

3.       日本文には入っていない、legally speaking people become one year older on one day before their birthday. を入れてから、具体的に説明しているのが良いですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Legally speaking, when do we become one-year older?”

 

When I turned 65-years old, I received an invoice for the premium for National Nursing-Care Insurance. Since I had been a dependent member of the family, I have never paid the premium before. The invoice said that I would start paying the premium in August even though I was born on September 1. When I asked at the ward office, I was told that legally speaking people become one year older on one day before their birthday. That is, I became 65 years old on August 30 and therefore I had to pay the premium for the month of August.

 

 

中級問題 104 「有馬温泉旅行の特別乗車券」

 

有馬温泉の紅葉は11月初旬から中旬にかけてが見ごろ。神戸と山陽、阪急、能勢電鉄は期間中、有馬温泉駅までの特別往復乗車券「ジョイフルチケット」を売り出す。同温泉の周辺施設の割引券が付き、運賃だけで最大千円ほど安い。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 29 July 12

 

"Special Railway Tickets to Arima Hot Springs" 

 

At Arima Onsen (Hot Springs) this year, we can best view the autumn leaves from early to mid-November. During that period, 4 competing railway firms, Kobe, Sanyou, Hankyu and Nose are all going to sell special round-trip tickets to Arima Onsen, called “Joyful Tickets”. The tickets sell at up to 1,000 yen discount and come with discount coupons for nearby tourist facilities as well.

 

添削

 

"Special Railway Tickets to Arima Hot Springs" 

 

At Arima Onsen (Hot Springs) this year, we can best view the autumn leaves from early to mid-November. During that period, 4 four competing railway firms, Kobe, Sanyou, Hankyu and Nose Railways are all going to sell special round-trip tickets to Arima Onsen, called “Joyful Tickets”. The round tickets sell at up to a 1,000 yen discount and come with discount coupons for nearby tourist facilities as well.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Special Railway Tickets to Arima Hot Springs" 

 

At Arima Onsen (Hot Springs) this year, we can best view autumn leaves from early to mid-November. During that period, four competing railway firms, Kobe, Sanyou, Hankyu and Nose Railways are all going to sell special round-trip tickets to Arima Onsen, called “Joyful Tickets”. The round tickets sell at up to a 1,000 yen discount and come with discount coupons for nearby tourist facilities as well.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 23 June 11

 

A Special Train Ticket to Arima Hot Springs.

 

Autumn leaves at Atami are at their finest between early and mid November. During the period, the four electric railway train companies, Kobe, Sanyou, Hankyu and Nose, decided to sell a special return train ticket, called "joyful ticket," to Arima hot springs. The joyful tickets will be added special benefits: discount coupon tickets for leisure facilities around Atami hot springs and discount train tickets up to 1000 yen off.

 

添削

 

A Special Train Ticket to Arima Hot Springs.1

 

Autumn leaves at Atami Arima Hot Springs are at their finest between early and mid November. During the period, the four electric railway train companies, Kobe, Sanyou, Hankyu and Nose, decided are going2 to sell a special return train ticket, called the "joyful ticket," to Arima hHot sSprings. Special benefits3 The joyful tickets will be added special benefits to the joyful tickets such as : discount coupons tickets for leisure facilities around the Atami hot springs and a discount train tickets up to 1000 yen off the regular train fare.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       題名にピリオドは要りません。

 

2.       「これから売り出す」ので未来形がよいでしょう。

 

3.       The joyful tickets will have be added special benefits:~ としてもよいですが、添削のようにするとspecial benefitsが強調できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

A Special Train Ticket to Arima Hot Springs

 

Autumn leaves at Arima Hot Springs are at their finest between early and mid November. During the period, four railway companies, Kobe, Sanyou, Hankyu and Nose, are going to sell a special return ticket, called the "joyful ticket," to Arima Hot Springs. Special benefits  will be added to the joyful tickets such as discount coupons for leisure facilities around the  hot springs and a discount train ticket up to 1000 yen off the regular train fare.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(さくら、28 January 08

 

“A Special Ticket to Arima Onsen”

 

The best season for autumn leaves is from the early to the middle of November in Arima Onsen area. During this period, the railway companies including Kobe Electric Railways, Sanyou Electric Railways, Hankyuu Electric Railways and Nose Electric Railways is going to sell a special round-trip ticket to the Arima Onsen called “A Joyful Ticket”. The ticket is not only up to one thousand yen cheaper than the usual one but also it comes with a discount coupon for surrounding facilities.

 

添削

 

“A Special TicketTrain Ticket to Arima Onsen Hot Springs1

 

The best season for autumn leaves is from the early to the middle of November in Arima Onsen Hot Springs area. During this period, the2 railway companies including Kobe Electric Railways, Sanyou Electric Railways, Hankyuu Electric Railways and Nose Electric Railways is are going to sell a special round-trip ticket to the Arima Onsen Hot Springs called “A Joyful Ticket”. The ticket is not only cheaper up to one thousand yen cheaper than the usual regular one but also it comes with a discount coupon for surrounding facilities around the hot springs.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       英語を日常使う人を読者と想定しているのでonsenの説明が必要でしょう。

 

2.       これらの鉄道会社がこの割引券を発行している総てならばthe railway companiesでよいですが、ここではincluding ~となっていますから、theは要りません。

 

添削後の文章

 

“A Special Train Ticket to Arima Onsen Hot Springs1

 

The best season for autumn leaves is from the early to the middle of November in Arima Onsen Hot Springs. During this period, railway companies including Kobe Electric Railways, Sanyou Electric Railways, Hankyuu Electric Railways and Nose Electric Railways are going to sell a special round-trip ticket to Arima Onsen Hot Springs called “A Joyful Ticket”. The ticket is not only cheaper up to one thousand yen than the regular one but also comes with a discount coupon for facilities around the hot springs.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 28 November 07

 

"Discount Round-trip Tickets to Arima Hot Springs"

 

Autumn leaves in Arima Hot Springs are at their best during early and mid November. During the period, Kobe, Sanyo, Hankyu and Nose Railways will offer "Joyful Tickets", discount round-trip tickets to Arima Hot Springs. Joyful Tickets will be offered at discount up to 1,000 yen, including discount coupons for nearby tourist facilities.

 

添削

 

"Discount Round-trip Tickets to Arima Hot Springs"

 

Autumn leaves in Arima Hot Springs are at their best during early and to mid November. During the this period, Kobe, Sanyo, Hankyu and Nose Railways will offer "Joyful Tickets", discount round-trip tickets to Arima Hot Springs. Joyful Tickets will be offered at discount up to 1,000 yen, including discount coupons for nearby tourist facilities.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Discount Round-trip Tickets to Arima Hot Springs"

 

Autumn leaves in Arima Hot Springs are at their best during early to mid November. During this period, Kobe, Sanyo, Hankyu and Nose Railways will offer "Joyful Tickets", discount round-trip tickets to Arima Hot Springs. Joyful Tickets will be offered at discount up to 1,000 yen, including discount coupons for nearby tourist facilities.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(とんじ、6 Dec 03

 

“Special Railway Tickets to Go to Arima Hot Spring”

 

Between the beginning and mid-November will be the best time to see autumn leaves around the Arima Hot Spring. For this period, Kobe, Sanyo, Hankyu, and Nose Railways will all sell special return tickets to the Arima Hot Spring, called “Joyful Tickets.” These special tickets will include discount coupons for entertainment facilities around there and will be cheaper by 1,000 yen at most.

 

添削

 

“Special Railway Tickets to Go to Arima Hot Springs1

 

Between the beginning and mid-November will be the best time to see autumn leaves around the Arima Hot Springs2. For this period, Kobe, Sanyo, Hankyu, and Nose Railways will all sell special return tickets to the Arima Hot Springs, called “Joyful Tickets.” These special tickets will include discount coupons for entertainment facilities3 around there and will be cheaper by 1,000 yen at the most.

 

コメント

 

1.       英語では温泉はArima Hot Springsのように複数になります。数にうるさい英語では温泉源をひとつひとつ数えるのでしょう。しかし、温泉源の一つしかない温泉でもHot Springsと複数になりますからおかしいです。カナダでは私の住んでいるアルバータ州と西隣のブリティッシュ・コロンビア州にあわせて八箇所ぐらい温泉があります。私はそのうちの五つに行っています。カナダの温泉は屋外温泉プールのようで、水着を着て入る混浴です。

 

2.       「有馬温泉の紅葉は11月初旬から中旬にかけてが見ごろ。」はいろいろに英文で表現できます。Autumn leaves at Arima Hot Springs are at their best between the beginning and mid-November.と表現できます。とんじさんはBetween the beginning and mid-November will be the best time to see autumn leaves around Arima Hot Springs.Between the beginning and mid-Novemberを主語にして時期を強調しています。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Special Railway Tickets to Go to Arima Hot Springs”

 

Between the beginning and mid-November will be the best time to see autumn leaves around Arima Hot Springs. For this period, Kobe, Sanyo, Hankyu, and Nose Railways will all sell special return tickets to Arima Hot Springs, called “Joyful Tickets.” These special tickets will include discount coupons for entertainment facilities3 around there and will be cheaper by 1,000 yen at the most.

 

 

中級問題 105 「伊能大図の公開」

 

江戸時代の測量家、伊能忠敬が測量、制作した詳細な「伊能大図」が復元され、東京・上野の東京国立博物館で10月27日、報道陣に公開された。大図(3万6000分の1)は日本全国214枚からなり、それぞれ畳1枚ほどの大きさ。関東から近畿まで実物大の図計60枚(縦12メートル、横16メートル)が博物館平成館1階に広げられると、列島の輪郭が床面に浮かび上がった。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 29 July 12

 

"Inou’s Large Maps on Display" 

 

The legendary Tadataka Inou, a geographical surveyor in the Edo period, drew the first-ever detailed map of Japan.  “Inou Daizu (large scale maps)” have been restored and were shown to the press at the Tokyo National Museum in Ueno on October 27. The maps showed the entire country on 214 pages at 1: 36,000, with each page being about the size of a tatami mat. The 60 pages (12 meters long and 16 meters wide) of the maps from the Kanto to the Kinki Area were put together on the first floor of Heisei-kan in the museum, vividly depicting the shape of the central part of the Japanese Archipelago.

 

添削

 

"Inou’s Large Maps on Display" 

 

The legendary Tadataka Inou, a geographical surveyor in the Edo period, drew the first-ever detailed maps of Japan.  So called “Inou Daizu (Inou’s large scale maps)” have been restored and were shown to the press at the Tokyo National Museum in Ueno on October 27. The maps showed the entire country on 214 pages at 1: 36,000, with each page being about the size of a tatami mat. Sixty The 60 pages (12 meters long and 16 meters wide) of the maps from the Kanto to the Kinki Area were put laid out together on the first floor of Heisei-kan Pavilion in the museum, vividly depicting the shape of the central part of the Japanese Archipelago.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Inou’s Large Maps on Display" 

 

The legendary Tadataka Inou, a geographical surveyor in the Edo period, drew the first-ever detailed maps of Japan. So called “Inou Daizu (Inou’s large scale maps)” have been restored and were shown to the press at the Tokyo National Museum in Ueno on October 27. The maps showed the entire country on 214 pages at 1: 36,000, with each page being about the size of a tatami mat. Sixty pages (12 meters long and 16 meters wide) of the maps from the Kanto to the Kinki Area were laid out together on the first floor of Heisei-kan Pavilion in the museum, vividly depicting the shape of the central part of the Japanese Archipelago.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 23 June 11

 

The Maps of Japan Made by Tadataka Ino Are Restored and Released

 

The large-scale maps of Japan, made by the geographical surveyor Tadataka Ino in Edo Period, was restored and released to the press at the Tokyo National Museum in Ueno on October 27. The maps of Japan with a scale of 1to 36,000 consisted of 214 pages and a page was 1.8 square meters or 180 cm long and 90 cm wide that was about the same as the size of a tatami mat. The maps of 60 pages or 12 m long and 16 m wide from the Kanto region to the Kink region were displayed on the floor on the first floor of Heiseikan in the museum. The maps showed the outlines of Japan's island.

 

添削

 

The Maps of Japan Made by Tadataka Ino Are Restored and Released Displayed to the Public

 

The large-scale Large1 maps of Japan, made by a the geographical surveyor Tadataka Ino in the Edo Pperiod,  have been was restored and were displayed released to the press at the Tokyo National Museum in Ueno on October 27. The maps of Japan with a scale of 1 to 36,000 (called Tadataka Ino’s Large Maps) were composed of consisted of 214 pages and each a page was 1.8 square meters or 180 cm long and 90 cm wide that was about the same as the size of a tatami mat. The maps of 60 pages of the maps or 12 m long and 16 m wide from the Kanto region to the Kink region were displayed on the floor on the first floor of Heiseikan in the museum, covering a 12 meters by 16 meters area. The maps clearly showed the outlines of Japan's main island.

 

コメント

 

いろいろは数字が出てくる文章ですが、よくわかります。

 

1.       伊能図は伊能忠敬が、約200年前に全国を測量して作成した日本地図の総称で、 実測

図には大図、中図、小図の3種があります。ここではそのうちの大図のことを言っています。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Maps of Japan Made by Tadataka Ino Are Restored and Displayed to the Public

 

Large maps of Japan made by a geographical surveyor Tadataka Ino in the Edo period have been restored and were displayed to the press at the Tokyo National Museum in Ueno on October 27. The maps of Japan with a scale of 1 to 36,000 (called Tadataka Ino’s Large Maps) were composed of 214 pages and each page was 1.8 square meters or 180 cm long and 90 cm wide that was about the size of a tatami mat. The 60 pages of the maps from the Kanto region to the Kink region were displayed on the first floor of Heiseikan in the museum, covering a 12 meters by 16 meters area. The maps clearly showed the outline of Japan's main island.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(さくら、31 January 08

 

“Ino’s Great Mapwas opened for media 

 

Replicas of “Ino’s Great Map” were displayed for media at the Tokyo National Museum in Ueno, Tokyo, on October 27. “Ino’s Great Map” was made by Ino Tadataka, a great map maker in Edo Period. The map consists of 214pieces and each piece is as large as a Tatami-mat. When replicas of sixty pieces (12 meters long and 16 meters wide) covered from Kanto Area to Kiniki Area were spread on the floor of the 1st story of Heisei Building in the museum’s premises, a part of Japan’s main island' outline was clearly profiled.

 

添削

 

“Inou’s Great Large1 Mapswere was opened on display for to media the press 

 

The Rreplicas of “Inou’s Great Large Maps” were displayed for to the press media at the Tokyo National Museum in Ueno, Tokyo, on October 27. “Inou’s Great Large Mapswas were made by Inou Tadataka, a great geographical surveyor map maker in the Edo Pperiod. The maps consists of 214 pieces and each piece is as large as a Tatami-mat. When the replicas of sixty pieces (12 meters long and 16 meters wide) covered from Kanto Area to Kiniki Area were spread on the floor of the ground floor 1st story of Heisei Building in the museum’s premises, a part of Japan’s main island' from the Kinki to Kanto region2 outline was clearly profiled depicted.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       大図と小図があるので、ここではInou’s Large Mapsがよいでしょう。

 

2.       ここに置いたほうが文のバランスがよくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Inou’s Large Maps” were on display to the press 

 

The replicas of “Inou’s Large Maps” were displayed to the press at the Tokyo National Museum in Ueno, Tokyo, on October 27. “Inou’s Large Maps” were made by Inou Tadataka, a great geographical surveyor in the Edo period. The maps consist of 214 pieces and each piece is as large as a Tatami-mat. When the replicas of sixty pieces (12 meters long and 16 meters wide) were spread on the floor of the ground floor of Heisei Building in the museum, a part of Japan’s main island from the Kinki to Kanto region was clearly depicted.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 30 November 07

 

"Large-scale Maps of Japan by Ino on Display at Tokyo National Museum"

 

On October 27, the restoration of the large-scale maps of Japan created by Tadataka Ino was completed and opened to the media at the Tokyo National Museum in Ueno, Tokyo. Tadataka Ino was a geographical surveyor to create detailed maps of Japan during the Edo Period. The large-scale maps, drawn on a scale 1 to 36,000, consist of 214 sheets and cover the Japanese archipelago. Each sheet measures about 1.6 square meters - roughly the size of a tatami mat. When the 60-sheet map measuring 12 meters by 16 meters were displayed on the first floor of the Heiseikan, they represented the outline of the Japanese archipelago from the Kanto to the Kinki region.

 

添削

 

"Large-scale Maps of Japan by Ino on Display at Tokyo National Museum"

 

On October 27, the restoration of the lLarge-scale mMaps of Japan1 created by Tadataka Ino was completed and opened to the media at the Tokyo National Museum in Ueno, Tokyo. Tadataka Ino was a geographical surveyor in the Edo period and created to create detailed maps of Japan during the Edo Period. The lLarge-scale mMaps, drawn on a scale 1 to 36,000, consist of 214 sheets and cover the entire Japanese aArchipelago. Each sheet measures about 1.6 square meters - roughly the size of a tatami mat. When sixty of them were put together2 on the first floor of Heiseikan Building of the museum, they measured the 60-sheet map measuring 12 meters by 16 meters were displayed on the first floor of the Heiseikan, and they represented showed the outline of the Japanese aArchipelago from the Kanto to the Kinki region.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「伊能大図」という特別な地図を指すので添削のように大文字を使うとよいでしょう。

 

2.       伊能大図のうち60枚が展示された、ということだとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Large-scale Maps of Japan by Ino on Display at Tokyo National Museum"

 

On October 27, the restoration of the “Large-scale Maps of Japan” created by Tadataka Ino was completed and opened to the media at the Tokyo National Museum in Ueno, Tokyo. Tadataka Ino was a geographical surveyor in the Edo period and created detailed maps of Japan. The Large-scale Maps, drawn on a scale 1 to 36,000, consist of 214 sheets and cover the entire Japanese Archipelago. Each sheet measures about 1.6 square meters - roughly the size of a tatami mat. When sixty of them were put together on the first floor of Heiseikan Building of the museum, they measured 12 meters by 16 meters and showed the outline of the Japanese Archipelago from the Kanto to the Kinki region.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(GPS, 10 Dec 03

 

“Inoh Big Maps on Display”

 

On October 27, Inoh Maps, originally made by an Edo period geographical surveyor Chukei Inoh, have been reproduced and were displayed to the press at Tokyo National Museum at Ueno, Tokyo. 214 sheets of Large Maps (1:36,000), each measured roughly 0.9 meters times 1.8 meters, cover the whole Japanese Islands. At the museum, 60 sheets of them (12 metes times 16 meters) were laid on the ground floor of Heisei Building, covering the Kanto region to the Kinki region of the Japanese Islands.

 

添削

 

Inoh Big Large Inoh1 Maps on Display”

 

On October 27, Inoh Maps, originally made by an the Edo period geographical surveyor Chukei Inoh, have been reproduced and were displayed to the press at Tokyo National Museum at Ueno, Tokyo. 214 Two hundred and fourteen2 sheets of original Large Maps (1:36,000), each measured measuring roughly 0.9 meters times 1.8 meters3, cover portrayed all of the whole Japanese Islands4. At the museum, 60 sheets of them the maps5 (12 metes times 16 meters) were laid on the ground floor of Heisei Building, covering depicting6 the Kanto region to the Kinki region of the Japanese Islands.

 

コメント

 

1.       伊能忠敬の地図にはいくつか種類があり、「大図」はその一つのようです。「伊能大図」を固有名詞として扱うならば、Inoh’s Large Mapsとなるでしょうが、ここでは伊能地図の中で大きなものと説明してLarge Inoh Mapsとしました。

 

2.       文の最初に数字がくると文の格好が落ち着かなくなるので添削のようにしました。

 

3.       GPSさんは「畳一枚ほど」を具体的な数字で説明していて良いですね。

 

4.       「大図(3万6000分の1)は日本全国214枚からなり、それぞれ畳1枚ほどの大きさ。」をGPSさんは内容を把握して「214枚の地図」を主語にして英文をわかりやすくしています。

 

5.       短い文章ですが、なるべく代名詞を使わずに文章の前に出てきた名詞を繰り返すと、読者は内容の把握がやさしくなります。

 

6.       Depictはこのような表現に合った言葉で、Collins COBUILDでは次のように説明しています。

To depict someone or something means to show or represent them in a work of art such as a drawing or painting.

 

添削後の文章

 

“ Large Inoh Maps on Display”

 

On October 27, Inoh Maps, originally made by the Edo period geographical surveyor Chukei Inoh, have been reproduced and were displayed to the press at Tokyo National Museum at Ueno, Tokyo. Two hundred and fourteen sheets of original Large Maps (1:36,000), each measuring roughly 0.9 meters times 1.8 meters, portrayed all of the Japanese Islands. At the museum, 60 sheets of the maps (12 metes times 16 meters) were laid on the ground floor of Heisei Building, depicting the Kanto region to the Kinki region of the Japanese Islands.

 

 

中級問題 106 「名護市の幼稚園英語授業始まる」

 

沖縄県名護市が導入を決めていた市立幼稚園での英語教育事業「英語遊び」が10月28にスタートした。最初の実施園となった大北幼稚園では同日午前、講師とともに園児の父母が補助役を務め、歌やゲームを楽しみながら英語に親しんだ。

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 9 August 12

 

"English Class Starts at Kindergarten in Nago City" 

 

City of Nago in Okinawa Prefecture commenced the class of “Let’s play in English” at Okita Kindergarten on the morning of October 28. The “Let’s play in English” is an English education program designed by the city for introduction into kindergartens under its jurisdiction. Children at Okita, the first school to start the program, enjoyed singing songs and playing games in English with teachers and their parents who helped with the class.

 

添削

 

"English Class Starts at Kindergarten in Nago City" 

 

The City of Nago in Okinawa Prefecture commenced the class of “Let’s play in English” at Okita Kindergarten on the morning of October 28. The “Let’s play in English” class is an English education program designed by the city for introduction into kindergartens under its jurisdiction. Children at Okita, the first kindergarten school to start the program, enjoyed singing songs and playing games in English with teachers and their parents who helped with the class.

 

コメント

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"English Class Starts at Kindergarten in Nago City" 

 

The City of Nago in Okinawa Prefecture commenced the class of “Let’s play in English” at Okita Kindergarten on the morning of October 28. The “Let’s play in English” class is an English education program designed by the city for kindergartens under its jurisdiction. Children at Okita, the first kindergarten to start the program, enjoyed singing songs and playing games in English with teachers and their parents who helped the class.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 25 June 11

 

The first English Class Starts at a Kindergarten in Nago City

 

On October 28, the first English class started at a public kindergarten in Nago, Okinawa. Okita Kindergarten held the first English class in the morning of the day. Children in Okita Kindergarten enjoyed singing and gaming with English instructors and their parents who assisted their children to keep up with the class.

 

The City of Nago decided to introduce an English educational program, called "playing in English", to all kindergarten in the city.

 

添削

 

The fFirst English Class Starts at a Kindergarten in Nago City

 

On October 28, the first English class started at a public kindergarten in Nago, Okinawa. Okita Kindergarten held the first English class in the morning of the day. Children in Okita Kindergarten enjoyed singing and gaming with English instructors and their parents who assisted their children to keep up with the class.

 

The City of Nago has1 decided to introduce an English educational program, called "playing in English", to all kindergarten in the city.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       過去形でもよいですが、過去形が「過去のある時に決定をした」という記述なのに対し、現在完了形にすると「新しい決定をして現在に続いている」となり、内容が強調できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The First English Class Starts at a Kindergarten in Nago City

 

On October 28, the first English class started at a public kindergarten in Nago, Okinawa. Okita Kindergarten held the first English class in the morning of the day. Children in Okita Kindergarten enjoyed singing and gaming with English instructors and their parents who assisted their children to keep up with the class.

 

The City of Nago has decided to introduce an English educational program, called "playing in English", to all kindergarten in the city.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(さくら、20 February 08

 

“English lesson starts at Preschools in Nago City”

 

An English education program, “Let’s play in English”, started at a public kindergarten in Nago City, Okinawa Prefecture, on October 28. The local government had previously decided to introduce English education curriculum into its public preschools. The program was first implemented at Ookita kindergarten in the morning of that day. The children enjoyed English songs and games with an English teacher. Parents of children also assisted the lesson.

 

添削

 

“English lLesson sStarts at Preschools in Nago City”

 

An English education program, “Let’s play in English1”, started at a public kindergarten in Nago City, Okinawa Prefecture, on October 28. The local government had previously2 decided to introduce an English education curriculum into its public preschools. and Tthe program was first implemented at Ookita kKindergarten in the morning of that day. The children enjoyed English songs and games with an English teacher. The Pparents of the children also assisted the lesson.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「英語遊び」のような句は英文では“Let’s play in English”のように動詞形になることが多いですね。

 

2.       had decidedと過去完了形でimplementedより前のこととわかるようになっているので、previouslyはかえってないほうが内容がはっきりしますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

“English Lesson Starts at Preschools in Nago City”

 

An English education program, “Let’s play in English”, started at a public kindergarten in Nago City, Okinawa Prefecture, on October 28. The local government had decided to introduce an English education curriculum into its public preschools and the program was first implemented at Ookita Kindergarten in the morning of that day. The children enjoyed English songs and games with an English teacher. The parents of the children also assisted the lesson.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(kalo, 1 December 07

 

"English Classes Start at Kindergarten in Nago City"

 

On October 28, English classes started at Okita Kindergarten in Nago City, Okinawa Prefecture. The class started in the morning and the kids enjoyed English in songs and games with their teachers and parents who helped as assistants. Nago City has decided to introduce English classes to the City's kindergartens as one of its English education programs and designated Okita Kindergarten as the first school.

 

添削

 

"English Classes Start at Kindergarten in Nago City"

 

On October 28, the first English classes1 started at Okita Kindergarten in Nago City, Okinawa Prefecture. The class started was held in the morning and the kids enjoyed singing English in songs and playing games in English with their teachers and parents who helped as assistants. Nago City has decided to introduce English classes to the City's kindergartens as one of its English education programs and designated Okita Kindergarten as the first school.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       この幼稚園にいくつ英語のクラスがあるかわかりませんが、一つで代表するとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"English Classes Start at Kindergarten in Nago City"

 

On October 28, the first English class started at Okita Kindergarten in Nago City, Okinawa Prefecture. The class was held in the morning and the kids enjoyed singing songs and playing games in English with their teacher and parents who helped as assistants. Nago City has decided to introduce English classes to City's kindergartens as one of its English education programs and designated Okita Kindergarten as the first school.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(あすか、2 December 06

 

“An English Class Starts at a Kindergarten in Nago City”

 

Ohkita kindergarten in Nago city, Okinawa was held the first English trial class on October 28, Nago city counselors of the department of English education have planned to introduce an English class which called "Playing in English" to all public kindergartens in Nago city. The students had enjoyed with singing songs, playing games by an instructor and parents on the same morning day.

 

添削

 

“An English Class Starts at a Kindergarten in Nago City”

 

Ohkita kKindergarten1 in Nago cCity, Okinawa was held the first trial English trial class for children at kindergarten in the city2 on October 28,. Nago The city counselors of the department of English education have are planneding3 to introduce an English class which called "Playing in English" to all public kindergartens in Nago cCity. The students children at Ohkita Kindergarten had enjoyed4 with singing songs and, playing games by with an instructor and parents on the same morning day.

 

コメント

 

1.       大北幼稚園は固有名詞なのでOhkita Kindergartenとします。

 

2.       the first trial English classなので、どこでthe firstなのか説明する必要があります。

 

3.       「沖縄県名護市が導入を決めていた」と日本文にありますが、既に文章の最初の文でこのクラスが始まったことを言っているので、The city counselors are planning to introduce ~.と内容を変えたほうが文章全体の内容に合うでしょう。

 

4.       とくに過去完了形にする必要がないので、過去形でよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

“An English Class Starts at a Kindergarten in Nago City”

 

Ohkita Kindergarten in Nago City, Okinawa held the first trial English class for children at kindergarten in the city on October 28. The city counselors are planning to introduce an English class called "Playing in English" to all public kindergartens in Nago City. The children at Ohkita Kindergarten enjoyed singing songs and playing games with an instructor and parents .

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Konan, 6 Dec 03

 

“An English Class Starts at a Kindergarten in Nago City”

 

On October 28, the first English class at a kindergarten started at Ohkita Municipal Kindergarten in Nago City, Okinawa. At the kindergarten, the class started in the morning and children learned English by singing songs and playing games with an instructor and parents. The City has decided to introduce English classes called “Playing in English” to all municipal kindergartens in the city.

 

添削

 

“An English Class Starts at a Kindergarten in Nago City”

 

On October 28, theThe first English class at a kindergarten started at Ohkita Municipal Kindergarten in Nago City, Okinawa started on October 281. At the kindergarten2, the The class started was held in the morning and children learned English by singing songs and playing games with an instructor and parents. The City has decided to introduce English classes called “Playing in English” to all municipal kindergartens in the city and Ohkita Municipal Kindergarten was the first to have started this program.

 

コメント

 

1.       「最初の実施園となった大北幼稚園で英語遊びの授業が10月28日に始まった。」と言う内容には「大北幼稚園が英語遊びの最初の実地園である。」と「大北幼稚園で英語遊びの授業が10月28日に始まった。」の二つに内容が入っています。KonanさんはOn October 28, the first English class at a kindergarten started at Ohkita Municipal Kindergarten in Nago City, Okinawa.と表現していますが、kindergartenが二つ文にあり内容が読者にわかりにくいです。On October 28, the first English class at a kindergarten.とするか、または添削のように「最初の実地園」の説明を分けると良いと思います。

 

2.       これは省略できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

“An English Class Starts at a Kindergarten in Nago City”

 

The first English class at Ohkita Municipal Kindergarten in Nago City, Okinawa started on October 28. The class was held in the morning and children learned English by singing songs and playing games with an instructor and parents. The City has decided to introduce English classes called “Playing in English” to all municipal kindergartens in the city and Ohkita Municipal Kindergarten was the first to have started this program.

 

 

中級問題 107 「三陸沖でエチゼンクラゲの大発生」

 

直径1メートルほどのかさを持ち、日本海を中心に漁業被害を与えているエチゼンクラゲが10月下旬に入り、三陸沖で大発生している。漁業関係者によると、昨年秋ごろから網に入るようになり、最近では1度に3000匹を超える場合もあるという。網が壊されるほか、魚が窒息して鮮度が落ちるため被害は深刻だ。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 9 August 12

 

"Jellyfish Explosion off the Sanriku Coast" 

 

Jellyfish called Echizen-kurage have shown drastic increase off the Sanriku Coast since late October. The jellyfish have caps of as large as one meter in diameter and have been causing great harm to the local fishing industry along the Sea of Japan coast. Local fishermen say that the jellyfish have started to be caught in fishing nets since last autumn, and at times more than 3,000 of them have been be caught in a single net. Such huge numbers of the heavy-weight  jellyfish not only tear nets but spoil the fish caught in the net by suffocating them, causing serious financial damage on the part of fishermen..

 

添削

 

"Jellyfish Explosion off the Sanriku Coast" 

 

Jellyfish called Echizen-kurage have shown a drastic increase off the Sanriku Coast since late October. The jellyfish have caps of as large as one meter in diameter and have been causing great harm to the local fishing industry along the Sea of Japan coast. Local fishermen say that the jellyfish have started to be caught in fishing nets since last autumn, and at times more than 3,000 of them were have been be caught in a single net. Such huge numbers of the heavy-weight  jellyfish not only tear nets but spoil the fish caught in the net by suffocating them, causing serious financial damage on to the part of fishermen.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります

 

添削後の文章

 

"Jellyfish Explosion off the Sanriku Coast" 

 

Jellyfish called Echizen-kurage have shown a drastic increase off the Sanriku Coast since late October. The jellyfish have caps as large as one meter in diameter and have been causing great harm to the local fishing industry along the Sea of Japan coast. Local fishermen say that the jellyfish have started to be caught in fishing nets last autumn, and at times more than 3,000 of them were caught in a single net. Such huge numbers of the heavy-weight jellyfish not only tear nets but spoil the fish caught in the net by suffocating them, causing serious financial damage to fishermen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 25 June 11

 

An Influx of Giant Jellyfish in the Coast of Sanriku

 

Many giant jellyfish, called Echizenkurage, with one meter-long cap have seen in the sea off the Sanriku Coast since late October. An influx of the jellyfish into the See of Japan is causing great harm to the fishing industry. According to the fishing industry, fish men have found the jellyfish in their fishing nets since the fall of last year and more than three thousand jellyfish have been  caught in a fishing net at one time. The damage to the fish industry is becoming serious. By their big bodies, the jellyfish rip fishing nets and fish are choked in nets. These fish take away from the commercial value.

 

添削

 

An Influx1 of Giant Jellyfish into the Coast of Sanriku

 

A huge number of Many giant jellyfish, called Echizenkurage, with one meter-long cap, have been seen in the sea off the Sanriku Coast since late October. An The2 influx of the jellyfish into the See of Japan is causing great harm to the fishing industry in the area. According to the fishing industry, fisher men have found the jellyfish in their fishing nets since the fall of last year. and Now more than three thousand jellyfish are have been  caught in a fishing net at one time. The damage to the fish industry is getting becoming serious. By their big bodies, the jellyfish rip fishing nets and fish are choked in the nets. These The dead fish in the nets take away from the lose their commercial values.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが、These fish take away from the commercial value.がわかりません。

 

1.       日本文には「三陸沖でエチゼンクラゲの大発生」とありますが、発生するのは中国沿岸ですから、an influx into to coast of Snarikuが正しいですね。

 

2.       前の文でクラゲが出てくるので、ここは定冠詞になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

An Influx of Giant Jellyfish into the Coast of Sanriku

 

A huge number of giant jellyfish, called Echizenkurage, with one meter-long cap, have been seen in the sea off the Sanriku Coast since late October. The influx of the jellyfish into the See of Japan is causing great harm to the fishing industry in the area. According to the fishing industry, fishermen have found the jellyfish in their fishing nets since the fall of last year. Now more than three thousand jellyfish are caught in a fishing net at one time. The damage to the fish industry is getting serious. By their big bodies, the jellyfish rip fishing nets and fish are choked in the nets. The dead fish in the nets lose their commercial values.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(さくら、20 February 08

 

"Many Giant Echizen Jellyfish Appear in the Water off the Sanriku Coast”

 

Many giant Echizen jellyfish have appeared in the water off the Sanriku coast since the end of October and caused very big damage to the fish industry in the Japan Sea. Echizen jellyfish has a cap as large as one meter in diameter. According to the fishers, the Echizen jellyfish has started to come into the nets since last autumn and now up to 3000 jellyfish is caught in a single net. The damage to the industry is serious because the Echizen jellyfish tears up the fishing nets and lowers the quality of fish by suffocating it.

 

添削

 

"A Huge Number of Many Giant Echizen Jellyfish Appear in the Water off the Sanriku Coast”

 

Many A huge number of1 giant Echizen jellyfish have appeared in the water off the Sanriku coast since the end of October and caused extensive very big damage to the fishing industry in the Japan Sea of Japan. The Echizen jellyfish2 have has a cap as large as one meter in diameter. According to local the fishermens, the Echizen jellyfish have has started being caught to come into in the fishing nets since last autumn and now up to 3,000 jellyfish is are caught in a single net. The damage to the industry is serious because the Echizen jellyfish tears up the fishing nets and lowers reduce the quality of fish by suffocating it them.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       大発生ということを強調するとよいでしょう。

 

2.       the Echizen jellyfishとしてこのクラゲ全体を複数形で表現します。

 

添削後の文章

 

"A Huge Number of Giant Echizen Jellyfish Appear in the Water off the Sanriku Coast”

 

A huge number of giant Echizen jellyfish have appeared in the water off the Sanriku coast since the end of October and caused extensive damage to the fishing industry in the Sea of Japan. The Echizen jellyfish have a cap as large as one meter in diameter. According to local fishermen, the Echizen jellyfish have started being caught in the fishing nets since last autumn and now up to 3,000 jellyfish are caught in a single net. The damage to the industry is serious because the Echizen jellyfish tear up the fishing nets and reduce the quality of fish by suffocating  them.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(kalo, 5 December 07

 

"Huge Number of Echizen Kurage off the Sanriku Coast"

 

Late November, a huge number of giant jellyfish called "Echizen Kurage" are drifting on the sea off the Sanriki Coast. Local fishermen say that the jellyfish have started to be seen since last fall and now up to 3,000 jellyfish are caught in fishing nets. Echizen Kurage, which have an umbrella measuring 1 meter across, have been causing serious damage to fishery industries in the Sea of Japan. The jellyfish are so heave that they often rip fishing nets and suffocate the fish caught in the nets, which degrades the freshness of the fish and reduces their commercial value.

 

添削

 

"Huge Number of Echizen Kurage off the Sanriku Coast"

 

In Llate November, a huge number of giant jellyfish called "Echizen Kurage" are started drifting on in the sea off the Sanriki Coast. Local fishermen say that the jellyfish have started were first observed to be seen since last fall and now up to 3,000 jellyfish are caught in fishing nets. Echizen Kurage, which have an umbrella measuring 1 meter across, have been causing serious damage to fishery fishing industries in the Sea of Japan. The jellyfish are so heave heavy that they often rip fishing nets and suffocate the fish caught in the nets, which degradesing the freshness of the fish and reducesing their commercial value.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

In late November, a huge number of giant jellyfish called "Echizen Kurage" started drifting in the sea off the Sanriki Coast. Local fishermen say that the jellyfish were first observed last fall and now up to 3,000 jellyfish are caught in fishing nets. Echizen Kurage, which have an umbrella measuring 1 meter across, have been causing serious damage to fishing industries in the Sea of Japan. The jellyfish are so heavy that they often rip fishing nets and suffocate the fish caught in the nets degrading the freshness of the fish and reducing their commercial value.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Prim, 6 Dec 03

 

“An Explosive Increase of Echizen Jellyfish off the Sanriku Coast”

 

In late October, the number of Echizen Jellyfish increased explosively in the water off the Sanriku Coast. The Echizen Jellyfish is a large jellyfish with a meter-long umbrella and has been damaging fishing in the Japanese Sea. Local fishermen say that they started finding the jellyfish in their fishnet last fall but recently they sometimes find over 3,000 jellyfish in the fishing net. The jellyfish can break the fishing net and also suffocate fish in the net. The fishermen are concerned because the fish suffocated by the jellyfish lose their freshness and lose their commercial values.

 

添削

 

“An Explosive Increase of Echizen Jellyfish off the Sanriku Coast”

 

In late October, the number of Echizen Jellyfish increased explosively in the waters1 off the Sanriku Coast. The Echizen Jellyfish is a large jellyfish with a meter-long umbrella and has been damaging damaged fishing in the Japanese Sea. Local fishermen say that they started finding some of2 the jellyfish in their fishnets3 last fall but recently they sometimes find over 3,000 jellyfish in the their fishing net fishnets4. The jellyfish can break the fishing net fishnets and can also suffocate some fish in the nets. The fishermen are concerned because the fish5 suffocated by the jellyfish lose their freshness and lose their commercial values6.

 

コメント

 

Primさんは日本文の内容をわかりやすい英文で表現しています。添削では日本人に難しい冠詞、単数、複数の使い方に注意してみました。

 

1.       このような時は三陸沖一般ではなくてこの海域、あの海域と数えられるとして複数にして使います。

 

2.       「チクゼンクラゲの何匹かが」と具体的なクラゲのことなのでsome of the jellyfishとします。the jellyfishとすると「チクゼンクラゲという種類のクラゲ」と一般的になってしまいます。

 

3.       いくつか網があるでしょうから複数にします。

 

4.       すでにfishnetsが文に出ているので統一します。

 

5.       ここでは「窒息した魚一般」なので単にfishとして冠詞をつけません。

 

6.       「商品価値一般」を指すのでcommercial valueとします。

 

添削後の文章

 

“An Explosive Increase of Echizen Jellyfish off the Sanriku Coast”

 

In late October, the number of Echizen Jellyfish increased explosively in the waters off the Sanriku Coast. The Echizen Jellyfish is a large jellyfish with a meter-long umbrella and has  damaged fishing in the Japanese Sea. Local fishermen say that they started finding some of the jellyfish in their fishnets last fall but recently they sometimes find over 3,000 jellyfish in their  fishnets. The jellyfish can break the  fishnets and can also suffocate some fish in the nets. The fishermen are concerned because fish suffocated by the jellyfish lose their freshness and commercial value.

 

 

中級問題 108 「インターネット言語は英語が優勢」

 

世界のインターネット人口約5億6000万人のうち、英語を母国語とする人は40%を超す。ウェブサイトはさらに極端で、英語のサイトは全世界の68.4%だが、日本語は5.9%、中国語3.9%、韓国語1.3%と少ない。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 9 Aug 12

 

"English Prevailing Internet" 

 

Native speakers of English account for more than 40% of the about 560 million global Internet user population. English is even more prevalent in the languages used for websites, dominating 68.4% of the total number of websites across the world.  Asian languages are only marginal like Japanese (5.9%), Chinese (3.9%) and Korean (1.3%)

 

添削

 

"English Is Prevailing on the Internet1" 

 

Native speakers of English account for more than 40% of the about 560 million global Internet users population. English is even more prevalent in the languages used for websites, dominating accounting for 68.4% of the total number of websites across the world.  Asian languages are only marginally used like Japanese (5.9%), Chinese (3.9%) and Korean (1.3%)

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

短すぎるタイトルは意味が不明確になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"English Is Prevailing on the Internet1" 

 

Native speakers of English account for more than 40% of about 560 million global Internet users. English is even more prevalent in the languages used for websites, accounting for 68.4% of the total number of websites across the world. Asian languages are only marginally used like Japanese (5.9%), Chinese (3.9%) and Korean (1.3%)

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 28 June 11

 

English Language gets the upper hand in the Internet World

 

More than 40 percent of the 560 million Internet population worldwide are native English speakers. Therefore, on the website, English Web sites prefer for people, accounting for 68.4 percent in the world and leave other languages far behind. Japanese accounts for 5.9 percent, Chinese for 3.9 percent and Korean for 1.3 percent.

 

添削

 

English Language gGets the uUpper hHand in the Internet World

 

More than 40 percent of the 560 million Internet population worldwide are native English speakers. Therefore, on the website, English Web sites dominates prefer for people, accounting for 68.4 percent of all web sites in the world and leaves other languages far behind. Web sites in Japanese accounts for 5.9 percent, Chinese for 3.9 percent and Korean for 1.3 percent.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、English Web sites prefer for peopleがわかりません。

 

添削後の文章

 

English Language Gets the Upper Hand in the Internet World

 

More than 40 percent of the 560 million Internet population worldwide are native English speakers. Therefore, on the website, English dominates, accounting for 68.4 percent of all web sites in the world and leaves other languages far behind. Web sites in Japanese accounts for 5.9 percent, Chinese 3.9 percent and Korean 1.3 percent.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(さくら、26 February 08

 

“English Dominates the Internet world”

 

More than forty percent of 5 million Internet users around the world use English as their mother tongue. English is more common on the websites as68.4% of all the websites are written in English while Japanese, Chinese and Korean languages only accounts for 5.9, 3.9 and 1.3 percent respectively.

 

添削

 

“English Dominates the Internet worldWorld

 

More than forty percent of 5 million Internet users around the world use English as their mother tongue. Therefore, English is the most more common language on for the websites; as 68.4% of all the websites are written in English while Japanese, Chinese and Korean languages only accounts for 5.9%, 3.9% and 1.3% percent1 respectively.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、more commonとなっているのでウェブサイトにおける英語の優勢が強調できません。

 

1.       数字だけが並ぶと読み難いので%をつけて繰り返すとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

“English Dominates the Internet World”

 

More than forty percent of 5 million Internet users around the world use English as their mother tongue. Therefore, English is the most common language for websites; 68.4% of the websites are written in English while Japanese, Chinese and Korean only accounts for 5.9%, 3.9% and 1.3% respectively.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 10 December 07

 

"English is Used Most Commonly on the Internet"

 

More than 40 percent of approximately 560 million Internet users in the world use English as their mother language. Naturally, English is used most commonly on the Internet websites, accounting for 68.4 percent of all the websites whereas Japanese accounts for 5.9 percent, Chinese for 3.9 percent and Korean for 1.3 percent. 

添削

 

"English is Used Most Commonly on the Internet"

 

More than 40 percent of approximately 560 million Internet users in the world use English as their mother language. Naturally1, English is used most commonly on the Internet websites, accounting for 68.4 percent of all the websites whereas Japanese accounts for 5.9 percent, Chinese for 3.9 percent and Korean for 1.3 percent. 

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。「世界のインターネット人口約5億6000万人のうち、英語を母国語とする人は40%を超す。」の内容の英文表現でMore than 40 percent of approximately 560 million Internet usersを主語にしたので、文が簡潔になりましたね。添削箇所はありません。

 

1.       適切な接続副詞で文のつながりがよくなりました。

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Miyazaki, 10 Dec 03

 

“English Language Dominates the Internet”

 

Out of 560 million users of the Internet worldwide, over 40 percent speak English as their mother tongue. For websites on the Internet, however, 68.8 percent are in English, 5.9 percent in Japanese, 3.9 percent in Chinese and 1.3 percent in Korean.

 

添削

 

“English Language Dominates the Internet”

 

Out of 560 million users of the Internet worldwide, over 40 percent speak English as their mother tongue. For websites on the Internet, however, 68.8 percent are in English, and only1 5.9 percent are in Japanese, 3.9 percent in Chinese and 1.3 percent in Korean.

 

コメント

 

Miyazakiさんは並列構造を使ってわかりやすく英文で表現しています。

 

1.       英語と比較してアジア言語のウェブサイトを少ない、ということを強調するために、ここでいったん文を切って、and only ~と続けました。

 

添削後の文章

 

“English Language Dominates the Internet”

 

Out of 560 million users of the Internet worldwide, over 40 percent speak English as their mother tongue. For websites on the Internet, however, 68.8 percent are in English, and only 5.9 percent are in Japanese, 3.9 percent in Chinese and 1.3 percent in Korean.

 

 

中級問題 109 「北極海の氷が減少」

 

北極海を覆う氷の量が、10年に9%ものペースで減りつつあることが米航空宇宙局(NASA)の人工衛星のデータ(1979〜2003年)の分析で分かった。太陽光を反射する氷が地球温暖化で解けることにより、さらに温暖化に拍車がかかる、という悪循環が始まっている。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 20 August 12

 

"Arctic Ice Cap Dwindling"

 

NASA’s analysis of data from its satellite for 1979 through 2003 revealed that the ice cap covering the Arctic Ocean has been shrinking at a rate of 9 percent each decade. Snow and ice usually form a protective, cooling layer over the Arctic. When the global warming melts that covering, the ocean absorbs more sunlight, further warming the earth. The vicious circle is already in action

 

添削

 

"Arctic Ice Cap Dwindling"

 

NASA’s analysis of data from its satellite for 1979 through 2003 revealed that the ice cap covering the Arctic Ocean has been shrinking at a rate of 9 percent each decade. Snow and ice usually form a protective, cooling layer over the Arctic. When the global warming melts that this1 covering, the ocean absorbs more sunlight, further warming the earth. The vicious circle is already in action

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       直前の話題なのでthisがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Arctic Ice Cap Dwindling"

 

NASA’s analysis of data from its satellite for 1979 through 2003 revealed that the ice cap covering the Arctic Ocean has been shrinking at a rate of 9 percent each decade. Snow and ice usually form a protective, cooling layer over the Arctic. When the global warming melts this covering, the ocean absorbs more sunlight, further warming the earth. The vicious circle is already in action

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 28 June 11

 

Analysis by the US National Space Agency (NASA) of their satellite data collected between 1979 and 2003 demonstrated that the amount of the sea ice in the Arctic Sea had been decreasing by nine percent in ten years.

 

The melting of the sea ice, which reflects the sunlight, is taking place because of the global warming. It triggers, consequently, the vicious cycle of further acceleration of the global warming.

 

添削

 

Ice in the Arctic Sea Has Been Decreasing

 

An Aanalysis by the US National Space Agency (NASA) of their satellite data collected between 1979 and 2003 showed demonstrated that the amount of the sea ice in the Arctic Sea had been decreasing by nine percent in every1 ten years.

 

The faster rate of melting of the sea ice which reflects the sunlight, is has been taking place because of the global warming. Since the sea ice reflects the sunlight2, the decreasing amount of the sea ice can It triggers, consequently, the a vicious cycle of further acceleration of the global warming.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかりますが、二番目の段落はwhich reflects the sunlightが文の中に入っているので、It triggers~Itが何を指すのか分かり難くいです。

 

1.       「10年ごとに9パーセント」なのでin every ten yearsになります。

 

2.       ここに入れた方が因果関係がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Ice in the Arctic Sea Has Been Decreasing

 

An analysis by the US National Space Agency (NASA) of their satellite data collected between 1979 and 2003 showed that the amount of ice in the Arctic Sea had been decreasing by nine percent in every ten years.

 

The faster rate of melting of the sea ice has been taking place because of the global warming. Since the sea ice reflects the sunlight, the decreasing amount of the sea ice can  trigger a vicious cycle of further acceleration of the global warming.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(さくら、27 February 08

 

“Ice in the Arctic Sea has shrunk”

 

NASA analyzed the data from the satellites (1979-2003) and showed that the ice covering the Arctic Sea has shrunk by 9 percent in every 10 years. A vicious spiral that melting ice causes and stimulates the global warming has started because extinction of the ice weakens its work as a reflector of sunlight.

 

添削

 

“Ice in the Arctic Sea has been shrinking shrunk

 

NASA analyzed the data from the satellites (1979-2003) and showed found that the ice covering the Arctic Sea has shrunk been shrinking1 by 9 percent in every 10 years. A vicious spiral that melting ice accelerates causes and stimulates the global warming has started; because extinction the loss of the ice weakens its work role as a reflector of the sunlight and accelerates the pace of global warming and this in turn further melts the ice in the Arctic Sea2.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、わかり難いところがあります。

 

1.       every ten yearsとあるのでhas been shrinkingとします。

 

2.       A vicious spiralなのでA ->B ->Aというような説明をするとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Ice in the Arctic Sea has been shrinking ”

 

NASA analyzed the data from the satellites (1979-2003) and found that the ice covering the Arctic Sea has been shrinking by 9 percent every 10 years. A vicious spiral that melting ice accelerates global warming has started; the loss of the ice weakens its role as a reflector of the sunlight and accelerates the pace of global warming and this in turn further melts the ice in the Arctic Sea.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 13 September 07

 

"Sea Ice in the Arctic is Shrinking"

 

Due to global warming, sea ice in the Arctic has been shrinking at a rate of 9 percent per decade in the last thirty years. This was identified by a NASA study based on satellite data between 1979 and 2003. Sea ice reflects sunlight back into space and helps keep the earth cooler. When the sea ice shrinks due to global warming, however, it reflects less sunlight and the earth warms up. As a result, the shrinking of sea ice in the Arctic leads to further global warming, NASA explains.

 

添削

 

"Sea Ice in the Arctic Sea is Shrinking"

 

Due to global warming, sea ice in the Arctic Sea has been shrinking at a rate of 9 percent per decade in the last thirty years. This was identified by a NASA study based on satellite data between 1979 and 2003. Sea The ice in the Arctic Sea reflects sunlight back into space and helps keep the earth cooler. When the sea ice shrinks due to global warming, however, it reflects less sunlight and the earth warms up. As a result, the shrinking of sea the ice in the Arctic Sea leads to further global warming, NASA explains.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。北極の氷と地球温暖化の関係が説明してあってわかりやすいですね。

 

" Ice in the Arctic Sea is Shrinking"

 

Due to global warming, ice in the Arctic Sea has been shrinking at a rate of 9 percent per decade in the last thirty years. This was identified by a NASA study based on satellite data between 1979 and 2003. The ice in the Arctic Sea reflects sunlight back into space and helps keep the earth cooler. When the ice shrinks due to global warming, however, it reflects less sunlight and the earth warms up. As a result, the shrinking of the ice in the Arctic Sea leads to further global warming, NASA explains.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Ai, 14 Jan 04

 

“The ice in the Arctic Sea is Decreasing”

 

The ice covering the Arctic Sea has been decreasing by 9 percent in ten yeas. This is a result found by examining data collected by NASA satellites for the period from 1979 to 2003. As the ice melts gradually by global warming, the earth loses the protection of the ice that can reflect the sunshine and keeps the earth cool and accelerate the pace of global warming.

 

添削

 

The ice Ice1 in the Arctic Sea is Decreasing”

 

The ice Ice covering the Arctic Sea has been decreasing decreased by 9 percent in the last2 ten yeas. This is a the result found by examining data collected by NASA satellites for the period from of 1979 to 2003. As the ice gradually melts gradually by global warming, the earth loses the protection of the ice that can reflects3 the sunshine and keeps the earth cool. and Therefore4, the loss of ice accelerates the pace of global warming5.

 

コメント

 

1.       氷は物質名詞でここでは南極の氷一般をさしているので定冠詞はつきません。

 

2.       「10年に9%ものペースで減りつつある」ということですが、観測データが1979年から2003年と短いので、はたしてこれが長期の趨勢かどうか疑う人もいるでしょう。Ice covering the Arctic Sea has been decreasing at a rate of 9 percent every ten years.の代わりにIce covering the Arctic Sea has decreased by 9 percent over the last ten years.としました。

 

3.       Can reflectとすると(太陽光を反射することも出来る)という感じになるので、実際に太陽光を反射しているのでreflectsと事実を述べました。You are wrong.といえば「あなたは間違っている」と確信を持って事実として述べているのに対し、I believe you are wrong.というと「私はあなたは間違っているとおもう(そう思わない人がいるかもしれないが)」と返って意味が弱くなります。ここでのcanの使い方も同じように意味を弱めます。

 

4.       Thereforeで始まる新しい文意にしたほうが、論理的な関係がはっきりします。

 

5.       「悪循環が始まっている」を強調するには、Therefore, the loss of ice accelerates the pace of global warming and this, in turn, melts more ice.とも表現できますが、前の文からこのことは分かるので特に強調する必要はないとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Ice in the Arctic Sea is Decreasing”

 

Ice covering the Arctic Sea has decreased by 9 percent in the last ten yeas. This is the result found by examining data collected by NASA satellites for the period of 1979 to 2003. As the ice gradually melts by global warming, the earth loses the protection of the ice that reflects the sunshine and keeps the earth cool. Therefore, the loss of ice accelerates the pace of global warming.

 

 

中級問題 110 「たばこの売り上げが減少」

 

日本たばこ協会が10月28日発表した2003年度上半期の紙巻きたばこの販売実績によると、販売数量は前年同期比3.9%減の1545億本で、消費税増税で落ち込んだ1997年度上半期(5.5%減)に次ぐ史上2番目の減少幅を記録した。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 20 August 12

 

"Cigarette Sales Plummet"

 

The Tobacco Institute of Japan released on October 28 sales figures of cigarette for the first half of 2003. The sales volume totaled 154.5 billion, down 3.9% from the same period last year. The drop was the second largest in history only to the 5.5% recorded in the first half of 1997 when an increase in the consumption tax caused a sharp decline in the cigarette sales.

 

添削

 

"Cigarette Sales Plummet"

 

The Tobacco Institute of Japan released on October 28 sales figures of cigarette for the first half of 2003. The sales volume totaled 154.5 billion, down 3.9% from the same period last year. The drop was the second largest in history only to the 5.5% decrease recorded in the first half of 1997 when an increase in the consumption tax caused a sharp decline in the cigarette sales.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Cigarette Sales Plummet"

 

The Tobacco Institute of Japan released on October 28 sales figures of cigarette for the first half of 2003. The sales volume totaled 154.5 billion, down 3.9% from the same period last year. The drop was the second largest in history only to the 5.5% decrease recorded in the first half of 1997 when an increase in the consumption tax caused a sharp decline in the cigarette sales.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(28 June 11

 

A Decrease in Cigarette Sales

 

The Tobacco Institution of Japan announced on October 28 that they sold 154.5 billion cigarettes in the first half of 2003, which decreased by 3.9 percent from the same period last year. This number was the second largest decrease since the first half of 1997(5.5 percent) when the cigarette sales dropped off following a consumption tax increase.

 

添削

 

A Decrease in Cigarette Sales

 

The Tobacco Institution of Japan announced on October 28 that they sold 154.5 billion yen of cigarettes were sold1 in the first half of 2003, which was a decreased by of 3.9 percent from the same period last year. This number was the second largest percentage decrease since the first half of 1997(5.5 percent) when the cigarette sales dropped off following a consumption tax increase.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       たばこは日本たばこ産業株式会社の専売ですから、日本たばこ協会はたばこを販売していません。

 

添削後の文章

 

A Decrease in Cigarette Sales

 

The Tobacco Institution of Japan announced on October 28 that 154.5 billion yen of cigarettes were sold in the first half of 2003, which was a decrease of 3.9 percent from the same period last year. This was the second largest percentage decrease since the first half of 1997(5.5 percent) when the cigarette sales dropped off following a consumption tax increase.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(さくら、29 February 08

 

“Sales of Cigarette decrease”

 

According to the figures released from the Japan Tobacco Association on October 28, the 154.5 billion cigarettes were sold in the first half of 2003, decreasing by 3.9% from the previous year. This was the second largest decrease following the largest decrease in the first half of 1997 (5.5%) when the hike in consumption tax hit the sales of cigarette.

 

添削

 

According to the figures released from by the Japan Tobacco Association on October 28, the 154.5 billion cigarettes were sold in the first half of 2003, decreasing by 3.9% from the same period1 in the previous year. This was the second largest decrease following the largest decrease in the first half of 1997 (5.5%) when the hike in the consumption tax hit the sales of cigarettes.

 

添削

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       前年同期を入れます。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to the figures released by the Japan Tobacco Association on October 28, 154.5 billion cigarettes were sold in the first half of 2003, decreasing by 3.9% from the same period in the previous year. This was the second largest decrease following the largest decrease in the first half of 1997 (5.5%) when the hike in the consumption tax hit the sales of cigarettes.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 22 September 07

 

Cigarette Sales Decreases

 

On October 28, the Tobacco Institute of Japan announced that 154.5 billion cigarettes were sold in the first half of the 2003 fiscal year, a decrease of 3.9 percent from the same period last year. The 3.9 percent decrease was the second largest decrease, following the biggest-ever fall of 5.5 percent in the first half of the 1997 fiscal year when the consumption tax hike pulled down the sales of cigarettes.

 

添削

 

Cigarette Sales Decreases

 

On October 28, the Tobacco Institute of Japan announced that 154.5 billion cigarettes were sold in the first half of the 2003 fiscal year, a decrease of 3.9 percent from the same period last year. The 3.9 percent decrease was the second largest decrease, following the biggest largest-ever decrease fall of 5.5 percent in the first half of the 1997 fiscal year when the consumption tax hike pulled down the sales of cigarettes.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。このような報告文では同じものを指すには同じ単語を使うと分かりやすいでしょう。単語を変えて変化をもたせる必要はないとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Cigarette Sales Decrease

 

On October 28, the Tobacco Institute of Japan announced that 154.5 billion cigarettes were sold in the first half of the 2003 fiscal year, a decrease of 3.9 percent from the same period last year. The 3.9 percent decrease was the second largest decrease, following the  largest-ever decrease of 5.5 percent in the first half of the 1997 fiscal year when the consumption tax hike pulled down the sales of cigarettes.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(TOMOKO, 17 Dec 03

 

“Decrease in Cigarette Sales”

 

On October 28, 2003, the Tobacco Institute of Japan announced that its cigarette sales had decreased to 154.5 billion pieces in the first half of 2003, down 3.9% from the same period last year. This is the largest decrease since the first half of 1997 when the consumer tax increase caused the sales to decrease by 5.5%.

 

添削

 

A Decrease in Cigarette Sales”

 

On October 28, 2003, the Tobacco Institute of Japan announced1 that its cigarette sales had decreased to 154.5 billion pieces in the first half of 2003, down 3.9% from the same period last year. This is was the largest percentage2 decrease since the first half of 1997 when an increase in the consumer tax3 increase caused the sales to decrease by 5.5%.

 

コメント

 

1.       TOMOKOさんは日本文の内容を正確にわかりやすく英文で表現しています。「日本たばこ協会が10月28日発表した2003年度上半期の紙巻きたばこの販売実績によると〜」をTOMOKOさんはOn October 28, 2003, the Tobacco Institute of Japan announced that〜と表現しています。日本文の特徴の一つの長い修飾節を名詞(販売実績)の前に付けて文をつないでいく文型を英文で表現するときの解決法のひとつで練習しておくと便利です。

 

2.       読者にわかりやすいようにpercentageを入れました。短い文でも内容を読者にわかりやすく伝えることに重点をおきます。

 

3.       複合名詞 the consumer tax increasean increase in the consumer tax のどちらが英語風(英語を母国にして英語で日常生活をする人に自然に聞こえる)か、という問題ですが、私は後者の方が英語風だとおもいます。the tax increaseは自然ですが、the consumer tax という語句があるので、the consumer tax increaseというと、読者の頭の中で the consumer taxを理解したうえでもうひとつincreaseという概念を付け加えて理解することを要求する形になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“A Decrease in Cigarette Sales”

 

On October 28, 2003, the Tobacco Institute of Japan announced that its cigarette sales had decreased to 154.5 billion pieces in the first half of 2003, down 3.9% from the same period last year. This was the largest percentage decrease since the first half of 1997 when an increase in the consumer tax caused the sales to decrease by 5.5%.