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中級練習問題の添削 91−100

 

中級問題 91 「出光興産が45基のタンク、油抜き取りへ」(22 Oct 03) (7 Nov 07)

(19 Nov 07) (8 Jan 08) (9 June 11)

中級問題 92 「えりも津波は4メートル 気象庁追加発表」(22 Oct 03) (8 Nov 07)

(20 Nov 07) (14 January 08) (13 June 12)

中級問題 93 「住基ネット侵入実験結果かなり深刻」(25 Oct 03) (10 Nov 07)

(25 Jan 08) (11 June 11) (13 June 12)

中級問題 94 「週1時間の速歩きで血圧降下」(25 Oct 03) (11 Nov 07) (24 Jan 08)

(11 June 11) (2 July 12)

中級問題 95 「日光の男体山は2m高かった」(1 Nov 03) (14 Nov 07) (2 Feb 08)

(11 June 11) (2 July 12)

中級問題 96 「地震データベース構築(4 Nov 03) (16 Nov 07) (3 Feb 08) (12 June 11)

(2 July 12)

中級問題 97 「神戸市消防局が宴会場を使用制限を通告」(5 Nov 03) (18 Nov 07)

(5 Feb 08) (8 July 12)

中級問題 98 「円が急上昇」(13 Nov 03) (10 Oct 07) (20 Nov 07) (8 July 12)

中級問題 99 「パソコン業務社は3人に1人がドライアイ」(11 Nov 03) (27 Nov 07)

(7 February 08) (17 June 11) (8 July 12)

中級問題 100 「岐阜県で県議の資産公開(8 Nov 03) (28 Nov 07) (9 Feb 08)

(17 June 11) (21 July 12)

 

中級問題 91 「出光興産が45基のタンク、油抜き取りへ」

 

十勝沖地震でタンク火災が起きた出光興産北海道製油所(苫小牧市)は10月7日までに、2次災害を防ぐために十勝沖地震で損傷したタンク45基すべての油の抜き取りを実施することを決めた。抜き取った油をタンカーに積み込み、ほかの製油所へ移送する。

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 13 June 12

 

"Idemitsu to Drain 45 Tanks Damaged” 

 

In the wake of a tank fire triggered by the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake at Idemitsu Kosan Hokkaido refinery in Tomakomai City, the company announced that it would empty, by October 7, all the 45 storage tanks that have been damaged by the earthquake to prevent secondary disaster. The oil drained will be loaded into coastal tankers for transshipment to other refineries.

 

添削

 

"Idemitsu to Drain Oil from 45 Damaged Tanks Damaged 

 

In the wake of a tank fire triggered by the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake at Idemitsu Kosan Hokkaido’s refinery in Tomakomai City, the company announced that it would empty, by October 7, all the 45 oil storage tanks that had have been damaged by the earthquake to prevent any secondary disaster. The oil drained from the tanks will be loaded into coastal tankers for the transshipment to other refineries.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Idemitsu to Drain Oil from 45 Damaged Tanks” 

 

In the wake of a tank fire triggered by the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake at Idemitsu Kosan Hokkaido’s refinery in Tomakomai City, the company announced that it would empty, by October 7, all the 45 oil tanks that had been damaged by the earthquake to prevent any secondary disaster. The oil drained from the tanks will be loaded into coastal tankers for the transshipment to other refineries.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 9 June

 

Idemitsu Kosan Cooperation announced to remove oil from damaged 45 tanks.

 

Idemitu Kosan Cooperation decided to remove all of the oil from its damaged tanks caused by the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake to prevent the second accident by October 7. After the Earthquake, tank fire occurred at their Hokkaido oil refinery in Tomakomai and 45 tanks have been damaged.  The oil will move to other oil refineries by oil tankers.

 

添削

 

Idemitsu Kosan Cooperation announced to remove oil from damaged 45 tanks.

 

Idemitu Kosan Cooperation decided to remove all of the oil from its damaged tanks damaged caused by the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake to prevent the second accident by October 7. The action was taken to prevent secondary accidents at the damaged tanks1. After the Earthquake, the oil tanks caught a fire occurred at their Hokkaido oil refinery in Tomakomai and 45 tanks have been damaged.  The oil will be moved to other oil refineries by oil tankers.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが

 

1.       前の文章の後半に置いてあると印象が薄くなるので、独立の文にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Idemitsu Kosan Cooperation announced to remove oil from damaged 45 tanks.

 

Idemitu Kosan Cooperation decided to remove all of the oil from its tanks damaged by the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake by October 7. The action was taken to prevent secondary accidents at the damaged tanks. After the Earthquake, the oil tanks caught a fire at their Hokkaido oil refinery in Tomakomai and 45 tanks have been damaged. The oil will be moved to other oil refineries by oil tankers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Kalo, 8 January 08

 

"Idemitsu to Remove Oil from its 45 Storage Tanks"

 

Following a fire at the oil tank triggered by the major earthquake, Idemitsu Kosan Co. announced that it will remove oil from other 45 storage tanks at its refinery in Tomakomai, Hokkaido by October 7. These tanks were damaged by the earthquake and could catch on fire. The oil in the tanks will be transferred to other refineries by tanker.

 

添削

 

"Idemitsu to Remove Oil from its 45 Storage Tanks in Tomakomai"

 

Following a fire at the oil tank triggered by the Tokakchi Offshore major eEarthquake, Idemitsu Kosan Co. announced that it will would1 remove oil from other 45 storage tanks at its refinery in Tomakomai, Hokkaido by October 7. These tanks were damaged by the earthquake and could can2 catch on fire. The oil in the tanks will be transferred to other refineries by a tanker.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       過去の発表の内容なので時制の一致を適用するのがよいでしょう。

 

2.       これは、これからの出来事なので単純未来形がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Idemitsu to Remove Oil from its 45 Storage Tanks in Tomakomai"

 

Following a fire at the oil tank triggered by the Tokakchi Offshore Earthquake, Idemitsu Kosan Co. announced that it would remove oil from other 45 storage tanks at its refinery in Tomakomai, Hokkaido by October 7. These tanks were damaged by the earthquake and can catch on fire. The oil in the tanks will be transferred to other refineries by a tanker.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(あすか、19 November 07

 

“Idemitsu Kosan Co. drained 45 oil tanks”

 

Hokkaido oil refinery of Idemitsu Kosan Company in Tomakomai triggered a fire by the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake. To avoid the second disaster they have decided to drain oil from the damaged 45 oil tanks and rebunkering of oil to another tanker, and will load it to the other oil refinery through before October 7.

 

添削

 

“Idemitsu Kosan Co. drained 45 oil tanks”

 

The Toakchi Offshore Earthquake1 started fire at the Hokkaido oil refinery of Idemitsu Kosan Company in Tomakomai triggered a fire by the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake. To avoid any further secondary damages, the second disaster they the company has have decided to drain oil from its the damaged 45 oil tanks damaged by the earthquake and move it to the company’s another oil refinery by oil tankers. The operations will be completed by  and rebunkering of oil to another tanker, and will load it to the other oil refinery through before October 7.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、石油の抜き取り、移動の部分が少しわかり難いですね。

 

1.       地震を主語のすると文が簡単になります。

 

2.       この一連の操作は添削のような説明で十分だとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Idemitsu Kosan Co. drained 45 oil tanks”

 

The Toakchi Offshore Earthquake started fire at the Hokkaido oil refinery of Idemitsu Kosan Company in Tomakomai. To avoid any further secondary damages, the company has  decided to drain oil from its 45 oil tanks damaged by the earthquake and move it to the company’s another oil refinery by oil tankers. The operations will be completed by October 7.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、7 November 07

 

“Oil Removed from 45 Tanks of Idemitsukousan Co.”

 

The oil refinery of Idemitsukousan, in Tomakomai, Hoklkaido, decided to remove the oil from 45 tanks by October 7th to prevent second disaster by another earthquake. When the Tokachi earthquake occurred, the refinery fired and 45 tanks were damaged. Removed oil will be moved to the other refinery by a tanker.

 

添削

 

“Oil Removed from 45 Tanks of Idemitsukousan Co.”

 

The oil refinery of Idemitsukousan, in Tomakomai, Hoklkaido, decided to remove the oil from its1 45 tanks by October 7th to prevent secondary damages disaster by another earthquake. When the Tokachi Offshore eEarthquake2 occurred, the refinery got fired and those 45 tanks were damaged. Removed3 The oil will be moved to the other refineryies by a tanker.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       このようなときに代名詞の所有格が付くのが英語の特徴です。

 

2.       大きな地震には気象庁が名前をつけるので、固有名詞になります。

 

3.       次にwill be movedとあるのでThe oilだけで十分です。

 

 

添削後の文章

 

“Oil Removed from 45 Tanks of Idemitsukousan Co.”

 

The oil refinery of Idemitsukousan, in Tomakomai, Hoklkaido, decided to remove oil from its 45 tanks by October 7th to prevent secondary damages by another earthquake. When the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake occurred, the refinery got fire and those 45 tanks were damaged. The oil will be moved to other refineries by a tanker.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(yuma, 22 Oct 03

 

“Idemitsu Kosan Company Empties 45 Oil Tanks”

 

On October 7, Idemitsu Kosan Company decided to empty all oil from the 45 oil tanks at its Hokkaido oil refinery in Tomakomai that had been damaged by the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake. The decision was made to prevent the oil tanks from catching any more fire. The oil will be transported to other refineries by oil tanker.

 

添削

 

On October 7, Idemitsu Kosan Company decided to empty all of the oil from the 45 oil tanks at its Hokkaido oil refinery in Tomakomai. Those oil tanks1 that had been damaged by the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake and some of them caught on fire. The decision was made to prevent the oil tanks from catching any more on fire again. The oil will be transported to other refineries by oil tanker.

 

コメント

 

1.       十勝沖地震でタンク火災が起きた出光興産北海道製油所(苫小牧市)は10月7日までに、2次災害を防ぐために十勝沖地震で損傷したタンク45基すべての油の抜き取りを実施することを決めた。」の下線の部分は日本文の特徴の長い修飾節になっています。英文で表現するときはyumaさんのように関係代名詞を使うか、または修飾節の内容を独立した文にします。添削では、十勝沖地震直後に火災が起きた、ということを追加すると関係代名詞節がながくなってしまうので独立した文にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 7, Idemitsu Kosan Company decided to empty all of the oil from the 45 oil tanks at its Hokkaido oil refinery in Tomakomai. Those oil tanks had been damaged by the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake and some of them caught on fire. The decision was made to prevent the oil tanks from catching on fire again. The oil will be transported to other refineries by oil tanker.

 

 

中級問題 92 「えりも津波は4メートル 気象庁追加発表」

 

気象庁は10月6日、十勝沖地震後に、北大と共同で行った津波現地調査の追加結果を発表した。9月30日の第一回発表の数値を一部修正し、最大値を計測した日高管内えりも町の百人浜の津波は前回発表より0.2メートル高い4.0メートルとした。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 13 June12

 

"Meteorological Agency Revised Height of Tsunami at Erimo to 4 meters" 

 

On October 6, the Meteorological Agency disclosed additional results of its field survey of the tunami spawned by the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake. The survey was conducted jointly with Hokkaido University. The agency revised some of the figures released in the initial announcement on September 30. The maximum height of the tunami observed at Hyakunin-hama in Erimo Town of the Hidaka region was revised to 4.0 meters, 0.2 meter higher than the previous announcement.

 

添削

 

"Meteorological Agency Revised Height of Tsunami at Erimo to 4 mMeters" 

 

On October 6, the Meteorological Agency disclosed additional results of its field survey of the tunami spawned by the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake. The survey was conducted jointly with Hokkaido University. The agency revised some of the figures released in the initial announcement on September 30. The maximum height of the tunami observed at Hyakunin-hama in Erimo Town of the Hidaka region was revised to 4.0 meters, 0.2 meter higher than the previous announcement.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Kalo, 14 January 08

 

"Tsunami Reach up to 4 meters in Erimo District, the Meteorological Agency Revised"

 

On October 6, the Meteorological Agency announced results of a field survey jointly conduced with the University of Hokkaido on tsunami generated by the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake. The results have shown that tsunami reached up to 4 meters at Hyakunin-hama in Erimo district, indicating that the height of the tsunami was 0.2 meters higher than the previous announcement on September 30. Hyakunin-hama was the area where the highest tsunami was measured in the earthquake.

 

添削

 

"Tsunami Reached1 the Height of up to 4 mMeters in the Erimo District, the Meteorological Agency Revised"

 

On October 6, the Meteorological Agency announced the results of a field survey, jointly conduced with the University of Hokkaido,2 of the on tsunami generated by the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake. The results have shown that the tsunami reached the height of up to 4 meters at Hyakunin-hama in the Erimo district, indicating that the height of the tsunami was 0.2 meters higher than the previous announcement on September 30. Hyakunin-hama was the area where the highest tsunami was measured in the earthquake.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       見出しは過去のことでも現在形で記述するときがありますが、ここでは過去の津波(津波が来るという警鐘ではない)のことだと明確にするために過去形にするのがよいでしょう。

 

2.       a field survey of the tsunamiが切れるので、ここはコンマで両端を括るとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Tsunami Reached the Height of up to 4 Meters in the Erimo District, the Meteorological Agency Revised"

 

On October 6, the Meteorological Agency announced the results of a field survey, jointly conduced with the University of Hokkaido, of the tsunami generated by the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake. The results have shown that the tsunami reached the height of up to 4 meters at Hyakunin-hama in the Erimo district, indicating that the height of the tsunami was 0.2 meters higher than the previous announcement on September 30. Hyakunin-hama was the area where the highest tsunami was measured in the earthquake.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(あすか、20 November 07

 

“Four meter-high tsunami at Erimo, the Japan Meteorological Agency revised the height ”

 

On October 6, the Japan Meteorological Agency announced the new result of a tsunami field research after the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake collaborated with Hokkaido University. They revised the record of the tsunami height and it was the 3.8 meters at the first annoucement on September 30th to 4.0 meters of the maximum height at Hyakuyama beach in Erimo.

 

添削

 

“Four meter-high tsunami at Erimo, the Japan Meteorological Agency revised the height ”

 

On October 6, the Japan Meteorological Agency announced the new results of a new tsunami field research of the tsunami caused by after the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake collaborated with Hokkaido University. The research was conducted in collaboration with Hokkaido University1. They revised the record of the tsunami largest height of the tsunami recorded at Hyakunin Beach in Erimo from its original announcement of and it was the 3.8 meters at the first annoucement on September 30th to 4.0 meters. Hyakunin Beach is located within the Hidaka observation region of the maximum height at Hyakuyama beach in Erimo.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       この情報は新しい文で記述したほうがわかりやすくなります。最初の文に入れると内容が情報過多になり読みにくくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Four meter-high tsunami at Erimo, the Japan Meteorological Agency revised the height ”

 

On October 6, the Japan Meteorological Agency announced the results of a new field research of the tsunami caused by the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake. The research was conducted in collaboration with Hokkaido University. They revised the largest height of the tsunami recorded at Hyakunin Beach in Erimo from its original announcement of 3.8 meters  on September 30th to 4.0 meters. Hyakunin Beach is located within the Hidaka observation region .

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、8 November 07

 

"Four meters Tsunami at the Erimo, the Meteorological Agency restated”

 

On October 6th, the Meteorological agency announced that the results of the follow-up check of the tsunami caused by the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake which was done with Hokkaido University. The figures of the former announcement on September 30th were partly restated. The height of the tsunami at Hyakunin Beach in Erimo Cyo in Hidaka observation territory was corrected to 4.0 meters which was 0.2 meters higher than the previous announcement. The beach recorded the maximum height of the tsunami related with this earthquake.

 

添削

 

"Four meters-high Ttsunami at the Erimo, the Japan Meteorological Agency revised1 the height stated

 

On October 6th, the Japan Meteorological agency announced that the results of the a follow-up examination check of the tsunami caused by the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake which was done with The examination was jointly conducted2 with Hokkaido University. The statistics figures of the former announcement on September 30th were partly revised restated. The height of the tsunami at Hyakunin Beach in Erimo Cyo in the Hidaka observation territory was corrected to 4.0 meters, which was 0.2 meters higher than the previous announcement. The beach recorded the maximum height of the tsunami caused by related with this earthquake.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       restateは「もう一度言う」ですから、ここはreviseになります。

 

2.       文が長いので添削のようにするとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Four meter-high tsunami at Erimo, the Japan Meteorological Agency revised the height ”

 

On October 6th, the Japan Meteorological agency announced that the results of a follow-up examination of the tsunami caused by the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake. The examination was jointly conducted with Hokkaido University. The statistics of the former announcement on September 30th were partly revised . The height of the tsunami at Hyakunin Beach in Erimo Cyo in the Hidaka observation territory was corrected to 4.0 meters, which was 0.2 meters higher than the previous announcement. The beach recorded the maximum height of the tsunami caused by this earthquake.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(aiko, 22 Oct 03

 

“Japan Metrological Agency Revised the Height of Erimo Tidal Wave”

 

On October 6, the Japan Metrological Agency announced the results of a joint field investigation with Hokkaido University of tsunami caused by the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake and revised the height of the tidal wave at Hyakuninhama beach in Erimo to 4.0 meter from 3.8 meters that had been previously announced on September 30.

 

添削

 

The Japan Metrological Agency Has1 Revised the Height of the Erimo Tidal Wave”

 

On October 6, the Japan Metrological Agency announced the results of a joint field investigation with Hokkaido University of a tsunami caused by the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake. The Agency conducted the investigation jointly with Hokkaido University2. and They revised the largest height of the tidal wave at Hyakuninhama beach in Eriom to 4.0 meters from the3 3.8 meters that had previously been previously announced on September 30.

 

コメント

 

1.       修正した、ということを強調するために現在完了形にします。

 

2.       文の中に入れると長くなって、文の流れが悪くなりので独立した文にしたほうがよいと思います。

 

3.       「9月30日に発表した値である〜」という修飾句の付いた数値なので定冠詞をつけます。Aikoさんのように3.8 metersと具体的な数字にしたほうが「0.2メートル高い」よりいいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

“The Japan Metrological Agency Has Revised the Height of the Erimo Tidal Wave”

 

On October 6, the Japan Metrological Agency announced the results of a field investigation of a tsunami caused by the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake. The Agency conducted the investigation jointly with Hokkaido University. They revised the largest height of the tidal wave at Hyakuninhama beach in Eriomo to 4.0 meters from the 3.8 meters that had previously been announced on September 30.

 

 

中級問題 93 「住基ネット侵入実験結果かなり深刻」

 

長野県の田中知事は10月6日、住民基本台帳ネットワークの安全性を検証するために県内三町村の協力で行った侵入実験結果について、「かなり深刻な状況だというふうに概略を聞いている」と述べた。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 13 June 12

 

"Test Revealed Security Risks Involved in Juki Net System” 

 

Mr. Tanaka, the governor of Nagano Prefecture said on October 6 that he learned from a computer-hacking experiment that the Juki Net system (an online national resident registration network) might entail considerable degree of security risk. The prefecture conducted the experiment in cooperation with 3 towns and villages under its jurisdiction to check the security of the Juki Net system.

 

添削

 

"Test Revealed Security Risks Involved in the Juki Net System Revealed 

 

Mr. Tanaka, the governor of Nagano Prefecture said on October 6 that he learned from a computer-hacking experiment that the Juki Net system (an online national resident registration network) might entail a considerable degree of security risk. The prefecture conducted the experiment in cooperation with 3 towns and villages under its jurisdiction to check the security of the Juki Net system.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

" Security Risks Involved in the Juki Net System Revealed” 

 

Mr. Tanaka, the governor of Nagano Prefecture said on October 6 that he learned from a computer-hacking experiment that the Juki Net system (an online national resident registration network) might entail a considerable degree of security risk. The prefecture conducted the experiment in cooperation with 3 towns and villages under its jurisdiction to check the security of the Juki Net system.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 11 June 11

 

The Test Showed that the Basic Resident Register Network in Nagano Prefecture was Quite Serious Situation.

 

Mr. Tanaka, the Governor of Nagano Prefecture, carried out an experiment to test the security of the Basic Resident Register network with the help of three cities and towns in Nagano Prefecture. Mr Tanaka announced on October 6 that he received its experimental result that the network was under a risky situation.

 

添削

 

The Test Showed that the The Basic Resident Register Network in Nagano Prefecture Is Found Vulnerable to Computer Hacking was Quite Serious Situation.

 

Mr. Tanaka, the Governor of Nagano Prefecture, carried out an experiment to test the security of the Basic Resident Register nNetwork with the help of three cities and towns in Nagano Prefecture. Mr Tanaka announced on October 6 that he received its preliminary experimental results that the network was vulnerable to computer hacking under a risky situation.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、コンピューター・ハッキングの危険性、と具体的な危険を明記するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Basic Resident Register Network in Nagano Prefecture Is Found Vulnerable to Computer Hacking

 

Mr. Tanaka, the Governor of Nagano Prefecture, carried out an experiment to test the security of the Basic Resident Register Network with the help of three cities and towns in Nagano Prefecture. Mr Tanaka announced on October 6 that he received its preliminary results that the network was vulnerable to computer hacking .

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(kalo, 25 January 08

 

"Basic Resident Register Network can be Vulnerable to Hacking, Test Results Shows"

 

On October 6, Yasuo Tanaka, Governor of Nagano Prefecture, said that the Basic Resident Register Network could be vulnerable to hacking, referring to the results of a test to examine the security of the network. The test was conducted by the prefecture in corporation with its three cities and towns.

 

添削

 

"Basic Resident Register Network can be Vulnerable to Hacking, Test Results Shows"

 

On October 6, Mr.1 Yasuo Tanaka, Governor of Nagano Prefecture, said that the Basic Resident Register Network could be vulnerable to hacking, referring to the results of a test to that2 examine the security of the network. The test was the prefecture conducted by the prefecture in corporation with its three cities and towns to examine the security of the network.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       文の内容から人名であることはわかりますが、敬称をいれたほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       一般的には短い文のほうが読みやすいですが、ここではこの実験を同じ文の中に入れたほうが内容が分かりやすくなるとおもいます。投稿の構成ですと、二番目の文を読むときにもう一度頭の中で一番目の文の内容を思い出す事になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Basic Resident Register Network can be Vulnerable to Hacking, Test Results Shows"

 

On October 6, Mr. Yasuo Tanaka, Governor of Nagano Prefecture, said that the Basic Resident Register Network could be vulnerable to hacking, referring to the results of a test that the prefecture conducted in corporation with its three cities and towns to examine the security of the network.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、10 November 07

 

“Hacking experiment reveals the resident registry network System’s flaw”

 

A hacking experiment to examine the security of resident registry network system was jointly conducted with three towns and villages in Nagano Prefecture. Governor Tanaka commented on October 6 that he got general results of the experiment which revealed that the system had a pretty serious flaw.

 

添削

 

“Hacking experiment reveals security risks in the Basic rResident rRegistry nNetwork System’s flaw

 

A hacking experiment to examine the security of the Basic rResident rRegistry nNetwork1 system was jointly conducted by Nagano Prefecture2 and with three towns and villages in the prefecture  Nagano Prefecture. Governor Tanaka commented announced on October 6 that he had received a preliminary report he got general results of the experiment which revealed that the Network system had a serious security risks pretty serious flaw.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       住民基本台帳ネットワークの英語名は固有名詞になります。

 

2.       An experiment was jointly conducted with three towns and villages.とすると、誰が三つの町と村と一緒に実験をしたのかわかりません。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Hacking experiment reveals security risk in the Basic Resident Registry Network”

 

A hacking experiment to examine the security of the Basic Resident Registry Network was jointly conducted by Nagano Prefecture and three towns and villages in the prefecture . Governor Tanaka announced on October 6 that he had received a preliminary report that the Network had serious security risks .

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(ミナミ、25 Oct 03

 

“Serious Security Risks1 Found in the Basic Resident Register Network”

 

On October 6, Governor Tanaka of Nagano Prefecture announced the results of an experiment to test the security of the Basic Resident Register Network that the prefecture conducted in cooperation with three other cities and towns2. Governor Tanaka said that the experiment found a considerable degree of security risk3 in the within the Network.

 

添削

 

1.       いくつかセキュリティーリスクがあるのでriskは普通名詞になり可算名詞としてあつかいます。

 

2.       いろいろな情報が詰め込まれた日本文なので、どのように情報を整理して英文で表現するかが問題になります。ミナミさんは二つに分けています。

 

「長野県の田中知事は10月6日、住民基本台帳ネットワークの安全性を検証するために(県内三町村の協力で)行った侵入実験結果について発表した。」

「田中知事は住民基本台帳ネットワークにかなり深刻な問題があるといった。」

 

「県内三町村の協力で行った」を独立の文にすることができます。The prefecture conducted the experiment in cooperation with three other cities and towns.しかしこうすると、Governor Tanakaを主語とする二つの文の間に一つ余計な文が挟まった感じになります。ミナミさんのように関係代名詞節でつなぐほうがよいでしょう。ここでは関係代名詞節は限定用法になっていますが、内容的には文の最初から最後へと流れが続いていて、関係代名詞節の内容を頭の中にためておく必要がないので、読者の理解の負担にはならないと思います。

 

3.       A considerable degree of security riskriskは危険性といういみの抽象名詞に使われているので不加算名詞として用います。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Serious Security Risks Found in the Basic Resident Register Network”

 

On October 6, Governor Tanaka of Nagano Prefecture announced the results of an experiment to test the security of the Basic Resident Register Network that the prefecture conducted in cooperation with three other cities and towns. Governor Tanaka said that the experiment found a considerable degree of security risk within the Network.

 

 

中級問題 94 「週1時間の速歩きで血圧降下」

 

1週間に合計1時間以上速歩きすれば、血圧が下がることが、国立健康・栄養研究所と国立療養所中部病院の研究で分かった。 血圧低下には速歩きのような有酸素運動が有効とされていたが、今回の調査で最小必要運動量が初めて明らかになった。週1回まとめて歩いても、回数を分けても良く、血圧が高い人ほど効果があるという。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 2 July 12

 

"An Hour of Walk a Week Leads to Lower Blood Pressure“ 

 

A Joint study by the National Institute of Health and Nutrition and the National Sanatorium Chubu Hospital showed that a total of one hour per week of speed walk can cause a fall in blood pressure. Aerobic exercises such as speed walking have long been recognized as effective for lowering blood pressure. Their study is the first to show how much exercise is needed to get your blood pressure down. All you have to do is walk one hour in all either in one go or bit by bit. They say the higher your blood pressure, the more it can be lowered by the exercise. 

 

添削

 

"An Hour of Walk a Week Leads to Lower Blood Pressure“ 

 

A Joint study by the National Institute of Health and Nutrition and the National Sanatorium Chubu Hospital showed that a total of one hour per week of speed walk can cause a fall in blood pressure. Aerobic exercises such as speed walking have long been recognized as effective for lowering blood pressure. Their study is the first to show how much exercise is needed to get your blood pressure down. All you have to do is walk one hour in all either in one go or bit by bit. They say that the higher your blood pressure, the more it can be lowered by the exercise. 

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"An Hour of Walk a Week Leads to Lower Blood Pressure“ 

 

A Joint study by the National Institute of Health and Nutrition and the National Sanatorium Chubu Hospital showed that a total of one hour per week of speed walk can  fall in blood pressure. Aerobic exercises such as speed walking have long been recognized effective for lowering blood pressure. Their study is the first to show how much exercise is needed to get your blood pressure down. All you have to do is walk one hour in all either in one go or bit by bit. They say that the higher your blood pressure, the more it can be lowered by the exercise. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 11 June 11

 

Walking Briskly an Hour a Week Lowers Your Blood Pressure.

 

Acceding to a study by the National Institute of Health Nutrition and the National Sanitarium Cyubu Hospital, walking briskly totally about an hour every week can reduce your blood pressure. It has been known that doing aerobics exercise like walking briskly is effective for reducing blood pressure, however they revealed for the first time how much exercise is necessary for reducing blood pressure. As well as both once a week or many times a week are fine, it can be reasonably expected for a person with higher blood pressure to reduce blood pressure.

 

添削

 

Walking Briskly an Hour a Week Lowers Your Blood Pressure.

 

Acceding to a study by the National Institute of Health Nutrition and the National Sanitarium Cyubu Hospital, walking briskly a total of totally about an hour every week can reduce your blood pressure. It has been known that doing aerobics exercise like walking briskly is effective for reducing blood pressure, however they revealed for the first time how much exercise is was necessary for reducing blood pressure. You can walk either an hour at one time or a total of one hour in several short walks. As well as both once a week or many times a week are fine, it can be reasonably expected for a person with The higher blood pressure you have, the larger the amount you can to reduce your blood pressure1.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますがAs well as both once a week or many times a week are fineのところがわかりません。

 

1.       the more ~, the more ~. の文型を使うとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Walking Briskly an Hour a Week Lowers Your Blood Pressure.

 

Acceding to a study by the National Institute of Health Nutrition and the National Sanitarium Cyubu Hospital, walking briskly a total of an hour every week can reduce your blood pressure. It has been known that doing aerobics exercise like walking briskly is effective for reducing blood pressure, however they revealed for the first time how much exercise was necessary for reducing blood pressure. You can walk either an hour at one time or a total of one hour in several short walks. The higher blood pressure you have, the larger the amount you can reduce your blood pressure.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 24 January 08

 

"Brisk Walking can Help Lower Blood Pressure"

 

The National Institute of Health and Nutrition and the National Sanatorium Chubu Hospital has found that brisk walking just one hour a week can help lower blood pressure. So far, aerobic exercise such as brisk walking has been known to help lower blood pressure but this finding has suggested for the first time how much exercise is required. You can either walk one hour once a week or break it up several times during the week. Effects of lowering blood pressure are stronger among those with higher blood pressure.

 

添削

 

"Brisk Walking can Help Lower Blood Pressure"

 

The National Institute of Health and Nutrition and the National Sanatorium of Chubu Hospital has found that brisk walking briskly1 just one hour a week can help lower blood pressure. So far, aerobic exercise such as brisk walking has been known to help lower blood pressure but this finding has suggested for the first time how much exercise is required. You can either walk one hour once a week or break it up into several times during the week. Effects of lowering blood pressure are stronger among those with higher blood pressure.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       Brisk walking ~とすると「速歩は〜」となり、walking briskly ~は「速く歩くと〜」というようになります。ここでは後者のほうが動きがある表現になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Brisk Walking can Help Lower Blood Pressure"

 

The National Institute of Health and Nutrition and the National Sanatorium of Chubu Hospital has found that walking briskly just one hour a week can help lower blood pressure. So far, aerobic exercise such as brisk walking has been known to help lower blood pressure but this finding has suggested for the first time how much exercise is required. You can either walk one hour once a week or break it up into several times during the week. Effects of lowering blood pressure are stronger among those with higher blood pressure.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、11 November 07

 

“Blood Pressure Lowered by One-Hour Brisk Walk in a Week”

 

A study by the National Institute of Health and Nutrition and the National Sanatorium Chubu Hospital showed that totally more than one-hour brisk walking a week could lower blood pressure. It was said that aerobic exercise ineffective to drop blood pressure, and this study found out the minimum amount of exercise required to decrease blood pressure. The study says there is no difference in the effect of exercise whether you walk one hour at a day or in several days in a week. The brisk walk is more effective to a person with high blood pressure.

 

添削

 

“Blood Pressure Lowered Can be Reduced by One-Hour Brisk Walk in a Week”

 

A study by the National Institute of Health and Nutrition and the National Sanatorium Chubu Hospital showed that a total of totally more than one-hour brisk walking a week could lower blood pressure. It had been known was said that aerobic exercise was ineffective for to reducing drop blood pressure, but and this was the first study that experimentally determined found out the minimum amount of exercise required to reduce decrease blood pressure. The study has found that says there is no difference in the effect of exercise on blood pressure whether you walk one hour once a week at a day or a total of one hour over in several days in a week. The higher blood pressure a person has, The brisk walk is the more effective the brisk walk becomes for reducing to a person with high blood pressure.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、全体としてまとまりの無い感じがします。添削のようにIt had been known that ~, but this was the first study that ~. The study has found that ~.を入れて内容の連関を強めるとよいでしょう。

 

1.       日本文には「合計1時間以上」とあるので2時間、3時間ならもっと効果が有るのかもしれませんが、合計1時間でよい、というのが大切ですね。このことを強調するために単にa total of one-hour brisk walkにしました。

 

2.       「血圧が高い人ほど効果があるという」そうですから、例えば血圧が150の人は140に下がり、160の人は145に下がる、ということでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Blood Pressure Can be Reduced by One-Hour Brisk Walk a Week”

 

A study by the National Institute of Health and Nutrition and the National Sanatorium Chubu Hospital showed that a total of one-hour brisk walk a week could lower blood pressure. It had been known that aerobic exercise was effective for reducing blood pressure, but this was the first study that experimentally determined the minimum amount of exercise required to reduce blood pressure. The study has found that there is no difference in the effect of exercise on blood pressure whether you walk one hour once a week or a total of one hour over several days a week. The higher blood pressure a person has, the more effective the brisk walk becomes for reducing blood pressure.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Chan, 25 Oct 03

 

" One-hour Walk a Week Can Reduce Blood Pressure".

 

Walking a total of one hour a week can reduce blood pressure. This is a result of the research conducted jointly by the National Institute of Health and Nutrition and the Chubu Regional Hospital of the National Sanatorium. It has been known that aerobic exercise such as brisk walking is effective for reducing blood pressure. But this was the first time that the minimum period of time required for walking has been experimentally determined. You can walk for one hour once a week or for a shorter period several times a week as long as they add up to one hour. Walking will be more effective for people with a high blood pressure.

 

添削

 

A Oone-hour Walk a Week Can Reduce Blood Pressure”

 

Walking a total of one hour a week can reduce blood pressure. This is a result of the research conducted jointly by the National Institute of Health and Nutrition and the Chubu Regional Hospital of the National Sanatorium. It has been known that aerobic exercise such as brisk walking is effective for reducing blood pressure. But this This was the first time that the minimum period of time required for walking has been experimentally determined. You can walk for one hour once a week or for a shorter period several times a week as long as they add up to one hour1. The higher blood pressure a person has, the more effective walking can become for reducing his or her blood pressure. Walking will be more effective for people with a high blood pressure2.

 

コメント

 

1.       「週1回まとめて歩いても、回数を分けても良く」をChanさんはYouを主語にして説明的に英文で表現しています。

 

2.       「血圧が高い人ほど(それだけ余計に)効果がある」ということなので添削にようにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

“A one-hour Walk a Week Can Reduce Blood Pressure”

 

Walking a total of one hour a week can reduce blood pressure. This is a result of the research conducted jointly by the National Institute of Health and Nutrition and the Chubu Regional Hospital of the National Sanatorium. It has been known that aerobic exercise such as brisk walking is effective for reducing blood pressure. This was the first time that the minimum period of time required for walking has been experimentally determined. You can walk for one hour once a week or for a shorter period several times a week as long as they add up to one hour. The higher blood pressure a person has, the more effective walking can become for reducing his or her blood pressure.

 

 

中級問題 95 「日光の男体山は2m高かった」

 

国土地理院は10月7日、修験道の山として知られる栃木県日光市の男体山の標高が従来より2メートル高い2486メートルであることが判明したと発表した。登山者の指摘で再測量し分かったという。

 

国土地理院によると、民間の地理雑誌に登山者から「男体山の山頂には三角点より高い場所がある」と投稿があった。同院の職員が9月に測量した結果、山頂の一等三角点から約11メートル南西の場所に高さ約2メートルの岩盤があり、この岩盤上を最高標高地点にすることにした。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 2 July 12

 

"Mt. Naitai Probes Two Meters Higher” 

 

The Geographical Survey Institute announced on October 7 that Mt. Nantai in Nikko City, Tochigi Prefecture was found to be 2,486 meters high, 2 meters higher than previously acknowledged. Mt. Nantai is known for being an iconic holy ground for practitioners of Shugen-do, Japanese mountain asceticism.  The institute said the re-survey started off from a message posted on a geographic magazine by a mountain climber saying that there was a peak higher than the triangulation point of Mt. Nantai. The institute resurveyed the height of Mt. Nantai in September and found a two-meter high bedrock peak about 11 meters southwest of the first triangulation point. The instituted decided that the top of the bedrock was the highest point of the mountain.

 

添削

 

"Mt. Naitai Probes Is Two Meters Higher than Before 

 

The Geographical Survey Institute announced on October 7 that Mt. Nantai in Nikko City, Tochigi Prefecture was found to be 2,486 meters high, 2 meters higher than previously acknowledged. Mt. Nantai is known for being an iconic holy ground for practitioners of Shugen-do, Japanese mountain asceticism.  The institute said that the re-survey started off from a message posted on a geographic magazine by a mountain climber saying that there was a peak higher than the triangulation point of Mt. Nantai. The institute resurveyed the height of Mt. Nantai in September and found a two-meter high bedrock peak about 11 meters southwest of the first triangulation point. The instituted decided that the top of the bedrock was the highest point of the mountain.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Mt. Naitai Is Two Meters Higher than Before” 

 

The Geographical Survey Institute announced on October 7 that Mt. Nantai in Nikko City, Tochigi Prefecture was found to be 2,486 meters high, 2 meters higher than previously acknowledged. Mt. Nantai is known for being an iconic holy ground for practitioners of Shugen-do, Japanese mountain asceticism.  The institute said that the re-survey started off from a message posted on a geographic magazine by a mountain climber saying that there was a peak higher than the triangulation point of Mt. Nantai. The institute resurveyed the height of Mt. Nantai in September and found a two-meter high bedrock peak about 11 meters southwest of the first triangulation point. The institute decided that the top of the bedrock was the highest point of the mountain.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 11 June 11

 

Nantai Mountain in Nikko Was Two Meters Higher.

 

Geographical Survey Institute announced on October 7 that the height of Nantai Mountain, located in Nikko City in Tochigi Prefecture, was two meters higher, 2486 meters, than the previous measuring. The institute measured it again after receiving Mountain climber's comment. The Mountain is famous for one of the ascetic training places called Shugen-do.

 

Mountain climbers posted their opinions on a private geographic magazine, saying there was a higher point than the triangulation point on the top of Nantai Mountain. In response to this, the staffs of the Institute climbed the mountain and found a two meters high rock located at about eleven meters southwest from the triangulation point. The top of the rock positioned as the highest elevation point of the mountain.

 

添削

 

Mt. Nantai Mountain in Nikko Was Is Two Meters Higher Than Before.

 

The Geographical Survey Institute of Japan announced on October 7 that the height of Mt. Nantai Mountain, located in Nikko City in Tochigi Prefecture, was 2,486 meters, two meters higher, 2486 meters, than the previous measurement measuring. The institute measured it again after receiving Mountain climber's a comment from a mountain climber. The Mountain mountain is famous for one of the its place for ascetic training places called Shugen-do.

 

Mountain The mountain climbers posted his their comment opinions on a private geographic magazine, saying1 that there was a higher point than the triangulation point on the top of Mt. Nantai Mountain. In response to this, the staffs of the Institute climbed the mountain and found a two meters- high rock located at about eleven meters southwest from the triangulation point. The instituted decided that Tthe top of the rock was positioned as the highest elevation point of the mountain.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       posted his commentとあるので、sayingは要りません。

 

添削後の文章

 

Mt. Nantai in Nikko Is Two Meters Higher Than Before.

 

The Geographical Survey Institute of Japan announced on October 7 that the height of Mt. Nantai, located in Nikko City in Tochigi Prefecture, was 2,486 meters, two meters higher than the previous measurement. The institute measured it again after receiving a comment from a mountain climber. The mountain is famous for its place for ascetic training called Shugen-do.

 

The mountain climber posted his comment on a private geographic magazine, that there was a higher point than the triangulation point on the top of Mt. Nantai. In response to this, the staff of the Institute climbed the mountain and found a two meter-high rock located at about eleven meters southwest from the triangulation point. The instituted decided that the top of the rock was the highest point of the mountain.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 2 February 08

 

"Mt. Naitai was Two Meters Higher than Previously Surveyed"

 

On October 7, the National Survey Institute announced that Mt. Nantai in Nikko City, Tochigi Prefecture was 2,486 meters high, two meters higher than previously surveyed. Mt. Nantai is known as a religious site for Shugendo, an old Japanese religion associated with mountain worship.

 

The institute surveyed the height of Mt. Nantai in last September because some climber had pointed out in a private geographical magazine that the mountain had a peak higher than the triangulation point. The survey found that there was a two-meter high bedrock eleven meters southwest of the triangulation point and this bedrock was the peak of the mountain.

 

添削

 

"Mt. Naitai was Is Two Meters Higher than Previously Surveyed"

 

On October 7, the National Survey Institute announced that Mt. Nantai in Nikko City, Tochigi Prefecture was found to be 2,486 meters high, two meters higher than previously surveyed. Mt. Nantai is known as a religious site for Shugendo, an old Japanese religion associated with mountain worship.

 

The institute surveyed the height of Mt. Nantai in last September because some climbers had pointed out in a private geographical magazine that the mountain had a peak higher than the triangulation point. The survey found that there was a two-meter high bedrock located at eleven meters southwest of the triangulation point and this bedrock was the real peak of the mountain.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。。題名は現在形がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Mt. Naitai Is Two Meters Higher than Previously Surveyed"

 

On October 7, the National Survey Institute announced that Mt. Nantai in Nikko City, Tochigi Prefecture was found to be 2,486 meters high, two meters higher than previously surveyed. Mt. Nantai is known as a religious site for Shugendo, an old Japanese religion associated with mountain worship.

 

The institute surveyed the height of Mt. Nantai last September because some climbers had pointed out in a private geographical magazine that the mountain had a peak higher than the triangulation point. The survey found that there was a two-meter high bedrock located at eleven meters southwest of the triangulation point and this bedrock was the real peak of the mountain.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、14 Nov 07

 

" Mt. Nantai in Nikko is 2 Meters Higher than Before"

 

The Geographical Survey Institute announced on October 7th that it decided the height of Mt. Nantai in Tochigi Prefecture was 2486 meters, two meters higher than the previous measurement. Mt. Nantai is famous for a training place for the practitioners of Shugen-do. The institute said that it surveyed again the height of Mt. Nantai because a climber posted information on a private geographic magazine, saying there was a place which was higher than the marked triangulation point of Mt. Nantai. So, the institute made a measurement again on September and found a two-meter high rock located about eleven meters southwest from the triangulation point. The institute decided the top of this rock as the peak of Mt. Nantai.

 

添削

 

" Mt. Nantai in Nikko is 2 Two Meters Higher than Before"

 

The Geographical Survey Institute announced on October 7th that it decided the height of Mt. Nantai in Tochigi Prefecture was 2,486 meters, two meters higher than the previous measurement. Mt. Nantai is famous for a training place ground for mountain monks, called the practitioners of Shugen-do practitioners1. The institute said that it surveyed again the height of Mt. Nantai again because a climber posted information on a private geographic magazine, saying there was a place which was higher than the marked triangulation point of Mt. Nantai. So, the institute made a measurement again2 on In September, the institute and found a two-meter high rock located about eleven meters southwest from of the triangulation point. and The institute decided the top of this rock as the peak of Mt. Nantai.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       修験者の説明を入れておくとよいでしょう。mountain monks, called Shugen-do practitionersと先ず一般的な名称を使い、次に修験道の行者と呼ばれている、と特殊な名称を使うとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       すでにit surveyedとあるので省略したほうが文章がすっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

" Mt. Nantai in Nikko is Two Meters Higher than Before"

 

The Geographical Survey Institute announced on October 7th that Mt. Nantai in Tochigi Prefecture was 2,486 meters, two meters higher than the previous measurement. Mt. Nantai is famous for a training ground for mountain monks, called Shugen-do practitioners. The institute said that it surveyed the height of Mt. Nantai again because a climber posted information on a private geographic magazine, saying there was a place which was higher than the triangulation point of Mt. Nantai. In September, the institute found a two-meter high rock located about eleven meters southwest of the triangulation point and decided the top of this rock as the peak of Mt. Nantai.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(えみ、1 Nov 03

 

“Mt. Nantai Was Two Meters Higher”

 

On October 7, the National Institute of Geographical Survey announced that they found that Mt. Nantai, located in Nikko City, Tochigi Prefecture and famous as a training ground for mountain monks, was 2,486 meters high, or two meters higher than previously recorded.

 

There was a letter from a reader in a private geographical magazine that said that the top of Mt. Nantai has a place higher than the station of triangulation. The Institute went to Mt. Nantai and discovered a two-meter high bedrock at 11 meters southeast of the point of triangulation. The Institute decided that the bedrock was the highest point of Mt. Nantai.

 

添削

 

“Mt. Nantai Was Becomes1 Two Meters Higher”

 

On October 7, the National Institute of Geographical Survey announced that they found that2 Mt. Nantai, located in Nikko City, Tochigi Prefecture and famous as a training ground for mountain monks, was found to be 2,486 meters high, or two meters higher than previously recorded. Mr. Nantai is famous as a training ground for mountain monks3.

 

There was A staff member of the Institute found3 a letter from a reader in a private geographical magazine that said that the top of Mt. Nantai has a place peak that is higher than the station of triangulation. The Institute went to Mt. Nantai and discovered a two-meter high bedrock peak at 11 meters southeast of the point of triangulation. The Institute then4 decided that the bedrock peak was the highest point of Mt. Nantai.

 

コメント

 

1.       Becomeとすると文に動きがあってわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       男体山が物語の主人公なので主語にします。

 

3.       これは補足的な説明なので文の主要部分からわけて一番後ろにもって来ました。

 

4.       Then を入れると前の文との関連が出来て読みやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Mt. Nantai Becomes Two Meters Higher”

 

On October 7, the National Institute of Geographical Survey announced that Mt. Nantai, located in Nikko City, Tochigi Prefecture was found to be 2,486 meters high, or two meters higher than previously recorded. Mr. Nantai is famous as a training ground for mountain monks3.

 

A staff member of the Institute found a letter from a reader in a private geographical magazine that said that the top of Mt. Nantai has a peak that is higher than the station of triangulation. The Institute went to Mt. Nantai and discovered a two-meter high bedrock peak at 11 meters southeast of the point of triangulation. The Institute then decided that the bedrock peak was the highest point of Mt. Nantai.

 

 

中級問題 96 「地震データベース構築」

 

古代から中世にかけて国内で起きた約五千の地震の文献史料について、すべての内容の信頼性を精査した上で検索しやすいようデータベース化する作業を、神戸大学都市安全研究センターが進めている。「古地震」の史料は将来の予知や防災に役立つとされ、過去に例がない網羅的な精査と電子化に期待が高まっている。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 2 July 12

 

"Comprehensive Earthquake Database being Developed” 

 

The urban safety management lab at Kobe University is building an earthquake database to allow quick retrieval of reliable information on about 5,000 earthquakes occurred in ancient and medieval Japan. All the documents related to the “ancient earthquakes” are being thoroughly checked to ensure their reliability and digitized to expedite easy access to the information. Information on past earthquakes is known to help predict earthquakes and mitigate their damage. Accordingly, the computerized data of “ancient earthquakes” at an unprecedented scale and accuracy is expected to significantly contribute to earthquake research in the future.

 

添削

 

"Comprehensive Earthquake Database Is being Developed” 

 

The uUrban sSafety mManagement Center lab at Kobe University is building an earthquake database to allow quick retrieval of reliable information on about 5,000 earthquakes that have1 occurred in ancient and medieval Japan. All the documents related to the “ancient earthquakes” are being thoroughly checked to ensure their reliability and digitized to expedite easy access to the information. Information on past earthquakes is known to help predict earthquakes and mitigate their damage. Accordingly, the computerized data of “ancient earthquakes” at an unprecedented scale and accuracy is expected to significantly contribute to earthquake research in the future.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       こうしたほうが文章を読んだときのリズムがよくなるとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Comprehensive Earthquake Database Is  Developed” 

 

The Urban Safety Management Center at Kobe University is building an earthquake database to allow quick retrieval of reliable information on about 5,000 earthquakes that have occurred in ancient and medieval Japan. All the documents related to the “ancient earthquakes” are being thoroughly checked to ensure their reliability and digitized to expedite easy access to the information. Information on past earthquakes is known to help predict earthquakes and mitigate their damage. Accordingly, the computerized data of “ancient earthquakes” at an unprecedented scale and accuracy is expected to significantly contribute to earthquake research in the future.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 12 June 11

 

Constructing a Database of Earthquake.

 

The Kobe University is creating a database about Japan's earthquake. The Urban Safety Research Center in the university has examined five thousand historical documents related to earthquake occurred in Japan from the ancient period to the middle ages for reliability. The examined paleoseismological dates enable people to easily retrieve for information about earthquake and help people predict an earthquake and prevent a disaster. The more accurate computerize dates is expected to make a sizable contribution in the future.

 

添削

 

Constructing a Database of Earthquakes .

 

The Kobe University1 is creating a database about of Japan's earthquakes. The Urban Safety Research Center at in the university has examined five thousand historical documents related to earthquakes occurred in Japan from the ancient period to the middle ages for the reliability of the descriptions of earthquakes2. The database examined paleoseismological dates2 will enable people to easily retrieve for the information on specific about earthquakes and help them people predict an earthquake and prevent a disaster. The moreThis most3 comprehensive and accurate computerized database of historical earthquakes  dates is expected to make a major sizable contribution to earthquake research and prediction in the future.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       Kobe Universityが英語の正式名称です。土地や市の名前の付いて大学はKobe UniversityThe University of Kobeという二つに名称形式があります。

 

2.       地震の起きた年月だけでなく、その規模などもあるのでdateではなくdatabaseにします。

 

3.       「過去に例がない網羅的な精査と電子化」ということなので、this most comprehensive and accurate digitized databaseとなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Constructing a Database of Earthquakes

 

Kobe University is creating a database of Japan's earthquakes. The Urban Safety Research Center at the university has examined five thousand historical documents related to earthquakes occurred in Japan from the ancient period to the middle age for the reliability of the descriptions of earthquakes. The database will enable people easily retrieve the information on specific earthquakes and help them predict an earthquake and prevent a disaster. This most comprehensive and accurate computerized database of historical earthquakes is expected to make a major contribution to earthquake research and prediction in the future.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 3 February 08

 

"Kobe University is Creating Database of Earthquakes"

 

The Research Center for Urban Safety and Security at Kobe University has been working on creating a database of about 5,000 historical documents describing earthquakes which occurred in Japan from ancient to medieval times. All the documents are examined critically to evaluate their reliability and then organized in digital form so that people can easily use information on the earthquakes. Creating this type of a comprehensive database with high quality has been desired because historical documents on past earthquakes are known to help predict earthquakes and reduce their damage.

 

添削

 

"Kobe University is Creating Database of Earthquakes"

 

The Research Center for Urban Safety and Security at Kobe University has been working on creating a the database of about 5,000 historical documents describing earthquakes which occurred in Japan from ancient to medieval times. All the documents are examined critically to evaluate for their reliability and then organized recorded in the digital form so that people can easily use the information on the earthquakes. Creating this type of a comprehensive and accurate database with high quality is highly desirable1 has been desired because historical documents on past earthquakes are known to help predict earthquakes and can reduce their damage.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       添削のような直截な表現がわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Kobe University is Creating Database of Earthquakes"

 

The Research Center for Urban Safety and Security at Kobe University has been working on  the database of about 5,000 historical documents describing earthquakes which occurred in Japan from ancient to medieval times. All the documents are examined critically for their reliability and then recorded in the digital form so that people can easily use the information on the earthquakes. Creating this type of comprehensive and accurate database is highly desirable because historical documents on past earthquakes are known to help predict earthquakes and can reduce their damage.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、16 November 07

 

“Building a Database of Earthquake”

 

The Urban Security Research Center of the Kobe University is building database of earthquakes, collecting and screening around five thousand documents of the earthquakes occurred in Japan from the ancient times to the middle ages. All the documents are being scrutinized to assess their reliabilities and processed into the forms for database to let people access easily. The experts are expecting this unprecedented computerization of those documents of “ancient earthquakes” with comprehensive and narrow analysis because they can use the database for forecasts and preventions of future earthquakes.

 

 

添削

 

“Building a Database of Earthquake”

 

The Urban Security Research Center at of the Kobe University1 is building a database of earthquakes, collecting and screening about around five thousand documents of the earthquakes that have occurred in Japan from the ancient to medieval times to the middle ages. All the documents are being scrutinized to assess their reliabilities and recorded processed into the forms for into the database to let people access information easily. The Earthquake researchers experts are expecting that this unprecedented computerization of the those documents of “ancient earthquakes” will be useful for predicting earthquakes with comprehensive and narrow analysis because history of earthquakes is an important source of information for such prediction they can use the database for forecasts and preventions of future earthquakes2.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますがThe experts are expecting this unprecedented computerization of those documents ~.の部分がわかりません。expectI expect that he will be here tomorrow. I expect you to pay me back the money in a week.という形を取ります。

 

1.       Kobe Universityまたはthe University of Kobeというような名称が多いです。神戸大学はKobe Universityという名称を使っています。

 

2.       「古地震の史料は将来の予知や防災に役立つとされ、過去に例がない網羅的な精査と電子化に期待が高まっている。」には「古地震の情報は地震の予知と地震災害の予防に役立つ。」、「このデータベースは過去の例がないほど網羅的に古い地震の情報を集め、また情報が正確である。」、「このようなデータベースは地震の予知と地震災害の予防にとても役立つと期待されている。」という内容が含まれています。さてどのようにわかりやすく英文で表現したらよいでしょうね。

 

Information on past earthquakes is important for predicting earthquakes and taking measures to minimize their damages. This computerized database covers past earthquakes at the unprecedented scale and accuracy. Earthquake specialists have a high level of expectation for the usefulness of this data base.とそれぞれの内容を表現しました。つぎにこれらをつなげて文脈の中にいれてみましょう。

 

Since this computerized database is going to cover past earthquakes including so called “ancient earthquakes” at the unprecedented scope and accuracy, earthquake specialists have a high level of expectation that the database will be very useful for predicting earthquakes and taking measures to minimize their damages.

 

添削後の文章

 

“Building a Database of Earthquake”

 

The Urban Security Research Center at Kobe University is building a database of earthquakes, collecting and screening about five thousand documents of the earthquakes that have occurred in Japan from the ancient to medieval times. All the documents are being scrutinized to assess their reliabilities and recorded into the database to let people access information easily. Earthquake researchers are expecting that this unprecedented computerization of the documents of “ancient earthquakes” will be useful for predicting earthquakes because history of earthquakes is an important source of information for such prediction.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(TAMA, 4 Nov 03

 

“Seismic Database under Construction”

 

The Research Center for Urban Safety and Security, Kobe University, is working on the database construction to easily retrieve historical seismic documents. After scrutinizing about 5,000 historical documents, for their reliability, which described earthquakes that had struck Japan in ancient and medieval times, the center will compile the reliable data into the database. The construction, which requires unprecedentedly exhaustive scrutiny and computerization, is highly expected as the historical seismic documents are useful for predicting earthquakes and preventing disasters.   

 

添削

 

Seismic Earthquake1 Database under Construction Development2

 

The Research Center for Urban Safety and Security, at Kobe University, is working has been developing an earthquake database that can provide on the database construction to easily retrieve easy retrieval of3 historical seismic documents. After scrutinizing the reliability of about 5,000 historical documents , for their reliability, which that described the earthquakes that had struck Japan in ancient and medieval times, the cCenter will compile the reliable data into the database. The construction database4, which requires with unprecedentedly exhaustive scrutiny and computerization at the unprecedented scale, is highly expected to make great contributions to earthquake research5 as the historical seismic documents are useful for predicting earthquakes and preventing disasters.   

 

コメント

 

日本文は文の最初に長い修飾節がついています。TAMAさんは「神戸大学都市安全研究センターは地震のデータベースを作っている。」というキーセンテンスを英文の始において内容をはっきりとさせています。短く凝縮された日本文や、また逆に長々と平坦に書いてある日本文の内容を英文で表現するときには要旨をキーセンテンスとして文章の始に置くと読者に内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

1.       seismic(地震学の)は今日、人工地震による地質調査も含むのでseismic databaseというとこのようなものも入ります。ここでは簡単にearthquake database といったほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       ホームページをみると工事中under constructionなどのいう表示を良く見かけますが、データベースはconstructionよりdevelopmentが適当です。

 

3.       TAMAさんの原文でもよいですが、内容がはっきりするように補足しました。

 

4.       文章に既に出てきたデータベースを主語にすると文章に統一性ができます。短い文章でも名詞には同じ単語を繰り返すと内容が読者にわかりやすくなります。

 

5.       Expectは他動詞なので目的語を必要とします。「〜が期待されている」という内容の日本語の時には、It is expected that ~と受動態になりますが、that節は期待されているのもの内容になります。また A is expected to do something. という形のときはto do somethingが期待された内容になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Earthquake Database under Development”

 

The Research Center for Urban Safety and Security at Kobe University has been developing an earthquake database that can provide easy retrieval of historical seismic documents. After scrutinizing the reliability of about 5,000 historical documents that described the earthquakes that had struck Japan in ancient and medieval times, the Center will compile the reliable data into the database. The database with exhaustive scrutiny and computerization at the unprecedented scale is expected to make great contributions to earthquake research as the historical seismic documents are useful for predicting earthquakes and preventing disasters.   

 

 

中級問題 97 「神戸市消防局が宴会場を使用制限を通告」

 

神戸市消防局は10月6日、警告にもかかわらず、避難施設が不備のまま宴会場として使用したとして、神戸市内のビルの所有者と飲食店の経営会社に対し消防法に基づく使用制限命令を出し、同店名を公表した。昨年10月の消防法改正以来、フロア全体の使用が制限されるのは全国初という。

 

読者からの投稿 (mxtomi, 8 July 12

 

"Kobe Fire Office Bans Use of Banquet Hall”

 

The Kobe fire department issued on October 6 an administrative order pursuant to the Firefighting Law to prohibit the use of a floor of a building to the building owner and a company operating a restaurant on the floor. Both of them had failed to improve the evacuation facilities in the banquet hall despite repeated warnings from the fire department. This was the first order issued to ban the use of the whole floor of a building since the revision of the law in October last year. The name of the restaurant was also made public.

 

添削

 

"Kobe Fire Office Bans Use of Banquet Hall”

 

The Kobe fire department issued on October 6 an administrative order pursuant to the Firefighting Law to prohibit the use of a floor of a building to the building owner of the building and a company operating a restaurant on the floor. Both of them had failed to improve the evacuation facilities in the banquet hall on the floor despite repeated warnings from the fire department. This was the first order issued to ban the use of the whole floor of a building since the revision of to the law in October last year. The name of the restaurant was also made public.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Kobe Fire Office Bans Use of Banquet Hall”

 

The Kobe fire department issued on October 6 an administrative order pursuant to the Firefighting Law to prohibit the use of a floor of a building to the owner of the building and a company operating a restaurant on the floor. Both of them had failed to improve the evacuation facilities in the banquet hall on the floor despite repeated warnings from the fire department. This was the first order issued to ban the use of the whole floor of a building since the revision to the law in October last year. The name of the restaurant was also made public.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 15 June 11

 

The Fire Department in Kobe City Bans the Use of the Party Room

 

The Fire Department in Kobe City took legal actions on the ground that a company running a restaurant and a building owner used a hall of the building that were poor emergency evacuation facilities  as the restaurant's party room despite warnings from the department. Because they had neglected the necessary preparations for the evacuation facilities and ignored the warnings, the department ordered them to stop the use of the building based on the Fire Defense Law and announced the name of the restaurant in public on October 6. It was a first case to prohibit the use of all floors of the building since the Fire Defense Law was revised last October.

 

添削

 

The Fire Department in Kobe City Bans the Use of the Party Room1

 

The Fire Department in Kobe City took legal actions against a building owner on the ground that and a company running a restaurant in the building to ban the use of the whole floor where a party room of the restaurant was located2. This was because and a building owner used a hall of the building that were poor emergency evacuation facilities  as the restaurant's party room despite warnings from the department. Because the building owner and the company they had neglected warnings from the fire department that the building needed the necessary improvements preparations for in the emergency evacuation facilities and ignored the warnings.3 As a result, the fire department ordered them to stop the use of the building floor4 based on the Fire Defense Law and announced the name of the restaurant to the in public on October 6. This5It was a the first case for the fire department to prohibit the use of all the whole floors of a the building since the Fire Defense Law was revised last October.

 

コメント

 

添削の赤字が多いですが、投稿のままで内容はすべてわかります。投稿は文章の順序を訂正しました。

 

1.       わかりやすい題名です。

 

2.       I take an action against B to ban C. という文型になります。

 

3.       内容の重複があるのでこのように整理するとどうでしょうか。

 

4.       レストランのある階だけの使用禁止(ビルディングは雑居ビル)といういうように日本文を読みました。

 

5.       現在、話題にしていることなので、身近なものを指すthisになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Fire Department in Kobe City Bans the Use of the Party Room

 

The Fire Department in Kobe City took legal actions against a building owner and a company running a restaurant in the building to ban the use of the whole floor where a party room of the restaurant was located. This was because the building owner and the company  had neglected warnings from the fire department that the building needed improvements in the emergency evacuation facilities. As a result, the fire department ordered them to stop the use of the floor based on the Fire Defense Law and announced the name of the restaurant to the public on October 6. This was the first case for the fire department to prohibit the use of the whole floor of a building since the Fire Defense Law was revised last October.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 5 February 08

 

"Kobe City Fire Bureau Prohibits the Use of a Banquet Hall" 

 

On October 6, the Kobe City Fire Bureau ordered a building owner and a restaurant manager at the building to prohibit the use of its banquet hall in violation of the Fire Defense Law. The bureau made the name of the restaurant public and said that the owner and the manager, despite repeated warnings, neglected to provide adequate evacuation facilities at the banquet hall. This was the first time that the whole floor of a building was prohibited to use since the law was amended last October.

 

添削

 

"Kobe City Fire Bureau Prohibits the Use of a Banquet Hall" 

 

On October 6, the Kobe City Fire Bureau ordered a building owner and a restaurant manager at in the building to prohibit stop the use of the its restaurant’s banquet hall because the conditions of the banquet hall was1 in violation of the Fire Defense Law. The bBureau2 also made the name of the restaurant public and said that the owner and the manager, despite repeated warnings, neglected to provide adequate evacuation facilities at the banquet hall. This was the first time that the whole floor of a building was prohibited to be used since the lLaw was amended last October.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、to prohibit the use of its banquet hall in violation of the Fire Defense Lawは「消防法に違反して(消防法では利用可能なのに)宴会場の使用を禁止する」と日本文の内容と逆の意味になります。

 

1.       添削のように「ビルの所有者と飲食店の経営者が消防法に違反したので」とします。

 

2.       大文字で始めて既出の名詞とはっきりわかるようにするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Kobe City Fire Bureau Prohibits the Use of a Banquet Hall" 

 

On October 6, the Kobe City Fire Bureau ordered a building owner and a restaurant manager in the building to stop the use of the restaurant’s banquet hall because the conditions of the banquet hall were in violation of the Fire Defense Law. The Bureau also made the name of the restaurant public and said that the owner and the manager, despite repeated warnings, neglected to provide adequate evacuation facilities at the banquet hall. This was the first time that the whole floor of a building was prohibited to be used since the Law was amended last October.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、18 Nov 07

 

“Kobe Fire Department Limits Banquet Hall Use”

 

The fire department of Kobe City ordered on October 6 the owner of a building in Kobe city and the banquet hall manager in its building not to use the hall because the hall did not provide enough fire escape ways against the fire department’s warnings. The order was issued based on the new fire laws and the fire department announced the name of the banquet hall to the public. The order to prohibit the use of all floor of the building is first issued since the fire laws were changed in last October.

 

添削

 

“Kobe Fire Department Limits Prohibits the use of a Banquet Hall Use

 

On October 6, Tthe fire department of Kobe City ordered on October 61 the owner of a building in Kobe cCity and the banquet hall manager of a banquet hall in the its building not to use the hall because they the hall had failed to improve its emergency escape facilities of the building2 did not provide enough fire escape ways against in spite of the fire department’s warnings. The order was issued bBased on the new fire laws, and the fire department announced the name of the banquet hall to the public3. This was the The first order to prohibit the use of all floors of the building is first issued since the fire laws were changed in last October.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       ordered the owner ~と続くほうがわかりやすいです。

 

2.       「警告にもかかわらず、避難施設が不備」とありますから、火災以外の非常時もふくまれるでしょう。また、以前に警告したのになにもしなかった、ということなので添削のようにしたほうがよいでしょう。

 

3.       すでに宴会場の使用禁止は文章にあるので、ここでは名前の公表ということだけでよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Kobe Fire Department Prohibits the use of a Banquet Hall ”

 

On October 6, the fire department of Kobe City ordered the owner of a building in Kobe City and the manager of a banquet hall in the building not to use the hall because they had failed to improve the emergency escape facilities of the building in spite of the fire department’s warnings. Based on the new fire laws, the fire department announced the name of the banquet hall to the public. This was the first order to prohibit the use of all floors of the building since the fire laws were changed last October.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Prim, 5 Nov 03

 

“Kobe City Fire Department Warns Against the Use of a Banquet Room”

 

On October 6, the Kobe City Fire Department issued an order to the manager of a restaurant and the owner of the building where the restaurant is located to prohibit the use of the restaurant for a banquet who did not improve its emergency escape facilities in spite of repeated warnings from the Fire Department and announced the name of the restaurant. This was the first case nationwide that such an order was issued for the whole floor of a building since the Fire Protection Law was revised last October.

 

添削

 

“Kobe City Fire Department Warns Against the Use Closes1 of a Banquet Room”

 

On October 6, the Kobe City Fire Department issued an order to both the manager of a restaurant and the owner of the building where the restaurant is located to prohibit the use of the restaurant for a banquet. The order was issued because the restaurant2 who did not improve its emergency escape facilities in spite of repeated warnings from the Fire Department and announced the name of the restaurant.  This was the first case nationwide that such an order was issued for the whole floor of a building since the Fire Protection Law was revised last October. The Fire Department also made the name of the restaurant public3.

 

コメント

 

日本文の最初の文の要旨は「神戸市消防局は使用制限命令を出した。」ですね。これをキーセンスにして日本文の内容を整理、分割して英文で表現するとやさしくなります。

 

1.       警告だけでなく使用禁止命令を出したのでcloseが適当です。

 

2.       ここでいったん文を分けると良いでしょう。

 

3.       文章の最初の文と最後の文は読者にたいする印象が強くなるので、この文は文章の最後にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Kobe City Fire Department Closes of a Banquet Room”

 

On October 6, the Kobe City Fire Department issued an order to both the manager of a restaurant and the owner of the building where the restaurant is located to prohibit the use of the restaurant for a banquet. The order was issued because the restaurant did not improve its emergency escape facilities in spite of repeated warnings from the Fire Department This was the first case nationwide that such an order was issued for the whole floor of a building since the Fire Protection Law was revised last October. The Fire Department also made the name of the restaurant public.

 

 

中級問題 98 「円が急上昇」

 

10月7日の欧米外国為替市場で円が急伸し、円相場は1ドル=109円台半ばまで円高・ドル安が進んで取引されている。対ドルの109円台は、2000年11月下旬以来、約2年10か月ぶりの円高水準だ。 円高の進行は、ようやく回復期待が出てきた日本経済の先行きに深刻な影響を与える懸念がある。

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 8 July 12

 

"Soaring Yen against Dollar”

 

On October 7, The Japanese Yen soared in the foreign exchange markets around the United States and Europe and is now traded at around the mid-109 yen to the dollar. The Yen 109 vis-a-vis the U.S. dollar is a record high in 34 months since November 2000. The rising value of the yen will seriously threaten the Japanese economy, which is just starting to recover from its prolonged recession.

 

添削

 

"Soaring Yen against Dollar”

 

On October 7, The Japanese Yen soared in the foreign exchange markets around in the United States and Europe and is now traded at around the mid-109 yen to the dollar. This The Yen 109 vis-a-vis the U.S. dollar is a record high value of yen against the US dollar in the last 34 months since November 2000. The rising value of the yen will seriously threaten the Japanese economy, which is just starting to recover from its prolonged recession.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Soaring Yen against Dollar”

 

On October 7, The Japanese Yen soared in the foreign exchange markets in the United States and Europe and is now traded at around the mid-109 yen to the dollar. This is a record high value of yen against the US dollar in the last 34 months since November 2000. The rising value of the yen will seriously threaten the Japanese economy, which is just starting to recover from its prolonged recession.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(さくら、20 November 07

 

“Yen Surges against Dollar”

 

Yen surged against the U.S. dollar in European foreign exchange market on October 7 and the dollar was traded in the middle of 109 yen. The dollar fell below 110 yen for the first time in two years and ten months since November in 2000.The stronger yen has a concern of giving negative effect to Japanese economy which is now on the path to recovery.

 

添削

 

“Yen Surges against Dollar”

 

The Japanese Yyen1 surged against the U.S. dollar in European foreign exchange markets on October 7 and the dollar was traded in the middle range between of 109 and 110 yen2. The dollar fell below 110 yen for the first time in two years and ten months since November in 2000.The stronger yen has raises a concern of giving negative effects on the to Japanese economy which is now on the path to recovery.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       yenという通過は一つしかありませんが、the Japanese yen vs. the US dollarと対にするとわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       こうしたほうが具体的なイメージが出来てわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Yen Surges against Dollar”

 

The Japanese yen surged against the U.S. dollar in European foreign exchange markets on October 7 and the dollar was traded in the middle range between 109 and 110 yen. The dollar fell below 110 yen for the first time in two years and ten months since November 2000. The stronger yen raises concern of giving negative effects on the Japanese economy which is now on the path to recovery.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 10 October 07

 

"The Yen Surges on the Overseas Market"

 

On October 7, the yen surged on the foreign exchange markets in Europe and the U.S., with the dollar quoted at the mid-109 yen level. The dollar fell below the 110 yen level for the first time in two years and ten months or since late November 2000. Now, there is a growing concern that the stronger yen against the dollar will adversely affect the Japanese economy while some indications of recovery have finally started to be seen these days.

 

添削

 

"The Yen Surges on the Overseas Market"

 

On October 7, the yen surged on the foreign exchange markets in Europe and the U.S., with the US dollar quoted at the mid-109 yen level. The dollar fell below the 110 yen level for the first time in two years and ten months or since late November 2000. Now, there is a growing concern that the stronger yen against the dollar will may adversely affect the Japanese economy while where some indications of recovery have been finally showing up started to be seen these days.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。円の値段は通常は基軸通貨である米ドル1ドルに対して何円になるかで表現するので、110円から109円になると円の値段があがることになりますね。するとThe yen rose from 110 to 109 yen per dollar.という表現になり、内容は正しいのですが不思議な表現になります。Kaloさんのようにドルの観点から見て、the dollar fell below 110 yen.としたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"The Yen Surges on the Overseas Market"

 

On October 7, the yen surged on the foreign exchange markets in Europe and the U.S., with the US dollar quoted at the mid-109 yen level. The dollar fell below the 110 yen level for the first time in two years and ten months or since late November 2000. Now, there is a growing concern that the stronger yen against the dollar may adversely affect the Japanese economy where some indications of recovery have been finally showing up .

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Kozo, 13 Nov 03

 

“The Value of Yen Rises in International Money Exchange Markets”

 

On October 7, the value of yen rose quickly in European and American money exchange markets. Today, the yen was traded at 109s yen per American dollar. This was the first time that the value of yen rose to this level since the end of October 2000 and raised concern that the higher value of yen may inflict a serious impact on the Japanese economy that has just started showing a sign of economic recovery.

 

添削

 

“The Value of the Yen Rises in International Money Exchange Markets”

 

On October 7, the value of the yen rose quickly in European and American money exchange markets. Today, the yen was traded at 109s the middle range between 109 yen and 1101 yen per American dollar. This was the first time that the value of the yen rose to this level since the end of October 2000. and This2 raised concern that the higher value of the yen may inflict have a serious impact on the Japanese economy, that which3 has just started showing a signs of economic recovery.

 

コメント

 

硬い日本文ですが、Kozoさんは平易な英文で表現しています。

 

1.       添削のようにすると意味が明確になります。

 

2.       ここでいったん文を切ると文章全体にリズムが出て読みやすくなります。

 

3.       関係代名詞の非限定用法を使い、文の前半の説明をしたほうが内容がはっきりして読みやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“The Value of the Yen Rises in International Money Exchange Markets”

 

On October 7, the value of the yen rose quickly in European and American money exchange markets. Today, the yen was traded at the middle range between 109 yen and 110 yen per American dollar. This was the first time that the value of the yen rose to this level since the end of October 2000. This raised concern that the higher value of the yen may have a serious impact on the Japanese economy, which has just started showing signs of economic recovery.

 

 

 

中級問題 99 「パソコン業務社は3人に1人がドライアイ」

 

パソコン業務をする人の3人に1人が、目の表面が乾きやすい「ドライアイ」であることが、日本眼科医会の調査でわかった。ドライアイは、乾燥した室内でパソコン画面などに長時間向かう人たちに多いとされるが、実態が明らかになったのは初めて。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 8 July 12

 

"One Out of Three PC Users Suffers Dry Eyes”

 

A survey by the Japan Ophthalmologists Association revealed that one out of three people using PCs in their jobs suffered from “dry eyes”, the eyes which were not supplied with adequate tears to function normally. The dry eyes had been said to be frequently found in people who looked at a PC screen for a long time in a dry room. This survey brought to light the real picture of the ailment for the first tim

 

添削

 

"One Out of Three PC Users Suffers Dry Eyes”

 

A survey by the Japan Ophthalmologists Association revealed that one out of three people using PCs in on their jobs suffered from “dry eyes”, the eyes which were not supplied with adequate tears to make eyes function normally. The dry eyes had been said to be frequently found in people who looked at a PC screen for a long time in a dry room. But Tthis survey brought to light the real picture of the ailment for the first time.

 

コメント

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"One Out of Three PC Users Suffers Dry Eyes”

 

A survey by the Japan Ophthalmologists Association revealed that one out of three people using PCs on their jobs suffered from “dry eyes”, the eyes which were not supplied with adequate tears to make eyes function normally. The dry eyes had been said to be frequently found in people who looked at a PC screen for a long time in a dry room. But this survey brought to light the real picture of the ailment for the first time.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 17 June 11

 

One-third of Office Workers Suffer from Dry Eyes.

 

According to a survey conducted by the Japan Ophthalmologists Association, one-third of office workers using a computer have been suffering from dry eyes, an eye disease caused by eye's surface dryness. It has been told that people sitting in front of a computer for a long time in a dry room have a tendency to develop dry eyes. The survey clarified the reason and risk factors of dry eyes for the first time.

 

添削

 

One-third of Office Workers Suffer from Dry Eyes.

 

According to a survey conducted by the Japan Ophthalmologists Association, one-third of office workers using a computer suffered1 have been suffering from dry eyes, a condition in which an eye disease caused by the surface of eye's became dry surface dryness. It has had been told said that people sitting in front of a computer for a long time in a dry room have had a tendency to develop dry eyes. But Tthe survey proved it clarified the reason and risk factors of dry eyes for the first time.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       既に終了した調査(過去)の結果なので、この動詞も過去形になります(ドライアイは現在も続いている事象ですが)。この過去形に合わせて、文章の中の他の動詞にも時制の一致が適用されます。動詞の時制の一致は日本語にない概念なので、なかなか納得できず、従って覚えられませんが、英語の特徴のひとつです。

 

添削後の文章

 

One-third of Office Workers Suffer from Dry Eyes

 

According to a survey conducted by the Japan Ophthalmologists Association, one-third of office workers using a computer suffered from dry eyes, a condition in which the surface of eyes became dry. It had been said that people sitting in front of a computer for a long time in a dry room had a tendency to develop dry eyes. But the survey proved it for the first time.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 7 February 08

 

"One out of Three Office Workers are Suffering from Dry Eye"

 

A survey conducted by the Japan Ophthalmologists Association showed that one out of three office workers was suffering from dry eye, a syndrome that eyes get dry due to lack of tears to keep eyes moist. It has been known that dry eye is common in office workers sitting in front of computers for long periods of time, but this was the first survey that showed the exact number of the sufferers.

 

添削

 

"One oOut of Three Office Workers Computer Users Is1 are Suffering from Dry Eyes"

 

A survey conducted by the Japan Ophthalmologists Association showed found that one out of three office workers who used a computer was suffering from dry eye, a syndrome that eyes get dry due to lack of tears to keep eyes them moist. It has been known that dry eyes is are common in among office workers sitting in front of a computers for a long periods of time., but Tthis was the first survey that showed the exact number of the sufferers.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       題名にcomputer usersを入れる文章の内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

"One Out of Three Computer Users Is Suffering Dry Eyes"

 

A survey conducted by the Japan Ophthalmologists Association found that one out of three office workers who used a computer was suffering from dry eye, a syndrome that eyes get dry due to lack of tears to keep them moist. It has been known that dry eyes are common among office workers sitting in front of a computer for a long period of time. This was the first survey that showed the exact number of the sufferers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、27 November 07

 

“One out of Three computer users has Dry-eyes”

 

According to a survey conducted by the Japan Ophthalmologists Association, one out of three people who work on computers has dry eyes. Dry eye is a condition that a surface of an eye is easily dried off. People who stare at the screen of computers for a long time in dry rooms seem to have dry-eyes, but the real situation was unknown. This survey has clarified it for the first time.

 

添削

 

“One out of Three computer users has Dry-eyes”

 

According to a survey conducted by the Japan Ophthalmologists Association, one out of three people who work on with a computers for a long time has dry eyes. Dry eyes is are1 a condition that a the surface of an eye is easily dried off. People who stare at the a computer screen of computers for a long time in a dry rooms seem were known to have dry-eyes, but this was the first time that the extent of this syndrome was found outthe real situation was unknown. This survey has clarified it for the first time2.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかりますが、日本文の内容と異なるところがあります。

 

1.       dry eyesという症状として単数形で扱います。

 

2.       「実態」はどのくらいこの症状があるのかという実情のことだとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

“One out of Three computer users has Dry-eyes”

 

According to a survey conducted by the Japan Ophthalmologists Association, one out of three people who work with a computer for a long time has dry eyes. Dry eyes are a syndrome that the surface of an eye is easily dried off. People who stare at a computer screen for a long time in a dry room were known to have dry-eyes, but this was the first time that the extent of this syndrome was found out.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(TOMOKO, 11 Nov 03

 

 

A Third of PC Operators Suffering from Dry Eye

 

An investigation by the Japan Ophthalmologists Association has revealed a third of PC operations have been suffering from dry eye with difficulty in keeping their eye surfaces moist. This is the first time it has been proven that those who spend long hours staring at a PC screen in a low-humidity room are prone to develop dry eye.

 

添削

 

A Third of PC Operators Suffering Suffer from Dry Eyes1

 

An investigation survey2 by the Japan Ophthalmologists Association has revealed that3 a third of PC operations have been suffering from dry eyes, a syndrome where people have with4 difficulty in keeping their eye surfaces moist. This is the first time it It has been proven for the first time5 that those who spend long hours staring at a PC screen in a low-humidity room are prone to develop dry eyes6.

 

コメント

 

1.       文章のタイトルはいろいろなスタイルがありますが、プレイン・イングリッシュでは完全な文にしたほう読者にわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       Investigationは、物事が真実か否かを調べる、という意味が強いので、この文章では「日本眼科医会が通説を実証した」ということを強調するには適切です。添削はもう少し軽く「統計を取ってしらべてみたら」というような意味になります。

 

3.       名詞節を受けるthatは無くても良いですが、プレイン・イングリッシュのスタイルでは入れたほうがthat以下が名詞節だということが分かってよいと思います。

 

4.       日本文で(日本語で)名詞の修飾節になっている事柄が英語で表現しにくいときは、(1)修飾節を独立の文にする、(2)修飾節の内容を言い直す(添削の例)という方法があります。長い修飾節が名詞の前に来るということが日本語の特徴の一つなので、英文の構造ではどう表現するかいろいろな例を見てマスターすることが日本人が英文を書く時の一つの大切な鍵になります。

 

5.       添削のようにすると文が短くなります。

 

6.       「ドライアイは、乾燥した室内でパソコン画面などに長時間向かう人たちに多いとされる」をthose who spend long hours staring at a PC screen in a low-humidity room are prone to develop dry eyes.としたのは日本文の内容を捉えた表現ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

“A Third of PC Operators Suffer Dry Eyes”

 

An survey by the Japan Ophthalmologists Association has revealed that a third of PC operations have been suffering “dry eyes”, a syndrome where people have difficulty in keeping their eye surfaces moist. It has been proven for the first time that those who spend long hours staring at a PC screen in a low-humidity room are prone to develop dry eyes.

 

 

中級問題 100 「岐阜県で県議の資産公開」

 

県議の資産等公開に関する条例に基づき、この春の統一地方選で当選した県議四十九人の資産等報告書を岐阜県は10月7日に公開した。平均資産総額(株式除く)は四千九百七十八万円で、資産の多くは土地物件が占め、預貯金は平均千二百九十八万円だった。報告書は岐阜市藪田南の県議会棟で閲覧できる。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 21 July 12

 

"Gifu Discloses Assets of Assembly Members" 

 

The Prefecture of Gifu disclosed, on October 7, personal financial statements of 49 prefectural assembly members who had won the unified local elections this spring. This was pursuant to its municipal ordinance on the disclosure of assembly members' salaries, assets, and other sources of income. The average value of total assets per person was yen 49.78 million excluding stocks. Land represented a large share of the assets, while savings deposits amounted to yen 12.98 million on average. The data can be accessed by anyone at the assembly building at Yabuta-minami, Gifu City.

 

添削

 

"Gifu Prefecture Discloses Assets of Assembly Members" 

 

The Prefecture of Gifu disclosed, on October 7, personal financial statements of 49 prefectural assembly members who had won the unified local elections this spring. This was pursuant to its municipal ordinance on the disclosure of assembly members' salaries, assets, and other sources of income. The average value of total assets per person was yen 49.78 million yen excluding stocks. Land represented a large share of the assets, while savings deposits amounted to yen 12.98 million yen on average. The data can be accessed by anyone at the assembly building at Yabuta-minami, Gifu City.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Gifu Prefecture Discloses Assets of Assembly Members" 

 

The Prefecture of Gifu disclosed, on October 7, personal financial statements of 49 prefectural assembly members who had won the unified local elections this spring. This was pursuant to its municipal ordinance on the disclosure of assembly members' salaries, assets, and other sources of income. The average value of total assets per person was 49.78 million yen excluding stocks. Land represented a large share of the assets, while savings deposits amounted to 12.98 million yen on average. The data can be accessed by anyone at the assembly building at Yabuta-minami, Gifu City.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 17 June 11

 

Gifu Prefecture Discloses the Assets of the Prefectural Assembly Members.

 

On October 7, Gifu Prefecture publicly disclosed the assets of forty-nine prefectural assembly members elected in nationwide local election this spring. The average amount of their total assets except stocks was 49.78 million yen. For details, real estate occupied the most part of their assets and savings in the bank was about 12.98 million yen. This report is open to the public based on the regulation of disclosure regarding at the prefectural assembly building in Yabutaminami, Gifu City.

 

添削

 

Gifu Prefecture Discloses the Assets of the Prefectural Assembly Members.

 

On October 7, Gifu Prefecture publicly disclosed the assets of forty-nine prefectural assembly members elected in the1 nationwide local election this spring. The average amount of their total assets except excluding stocks was 49.78 million yen. For details, real estate occupied accounted for the largest most part of their assets and savings in the bank was about 12.98 million yen. This report is now open to the public based on the regulation of disclosure regarding at the prefectural assembly building in Yabutaminami, Gifu City according to the regulation regarding the disclosure of the assets of prefectural assembly members.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますがThis report is open to the public based on the regulation of disclosure regarding at the prefectural assembly building in Yabutaminami, Gifu City.regardingがなにに掛かるのかわかりません。

 

1.       文章で初出ですが、特定な選挙なので定冠詞がつきます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Gifu Prefecture Discloses the Assets of the Prefectural Assembly Members.

 

On October 7, Gifu Prefecture publicly disclosed the assets of forty-nine prefectural assembly members elected in the nationwide local election this spring. The average amount of their total assets excluding stocks was 49.78 million yen. For details, real estate accounted for the largest part of their assets and savings in the bank was about 12.98 million yen. This report is now open to the public at the prefectural assembly building in Yabutaminami, Gifu City according to the regulation regarding the disclosure of the assets of prefectural assembly members.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 9 February 08

 

"Assets of Assembly Members in Gifu Prefecture are Disclosed"

 

On October 7, Gifu Prefecture released a report on the assets held by the forty-nine members of the prefectural assembly elected last spring. The report revealed that the average value of the assets excluding stocks amounted to 49.78 million yen with most of the assets made up of land and buildings. The average amount of saving deposits amounted to 12.98 million yen. Gifu Prefecture released the report based on a local government law requiring all members of the prefectural assembly to disclose the value of their assets. The report can be accessed at the assembly building in Yabuta-mimami, Gifu City.

 

添削

 

"Assets of Assembly Members in Gifu Prefecture are Disclosed"

 

On October 7, Gifu Prefecture released a report on the assets held by the forty-nine members of the prefectural assembly elected last spring. The report revealed that the average value of the assets excluding stocks amounted to 49.78 million yen with most of the assets to be made up of land and buildings1. The average amount of saving deposits amounted to 12.98 million yen. Gifu Prefecture released the report based on a local government law requiring all members of the prefectural assembly to disclose the value of their assets. The report can be accessed at the assembly building in Yabuta-mimami, Gifu City.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       修飾句なのでto be made up of となります。with most of the assets in land and buildingsと省略してもよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Assets of Assembly Members in Gifu Prefecture are Disclosed"

 

On October 7, Gifu Prefecture released a report on the assets held by the forty-nine members of the prefectural assembly elected last spring. The report revealed that the average value of the assets excluding stocks amounted to 49.78 million yen with most of the assets to be made up of land and buildings. The average amount of saving deposits amounted to 12.98 million yen. Gifu Prefecture released the report based on a local government law requiring all members of the prefectural assembly to disclose the value of their assets. The report can be accessed at the assembly building in Yabuta-mimami, Gifu City.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、28 November 07

 

“Disclosure of Assets of Lawmakers in Gifu Prefecture”

 

Based on a law that stipulates disclosure of assets of lawmakers, Gifu Prefecture disclosed on October 7th the information about assets of forty nine members of Gifu prefectural assembly. Members were elected at the last spring election. The average amount of their assets was 41,978,000 yen. Most of their assets were in form of real estate and savings were 2,980,000 yen on average. People can check the information at the building for the prefectural assembly in Yabuta-minami, Gifu City.

 

添削

 

“Disclosure of Assets of Lawmakers in Gifu Prefecture”

 

Based on a the prefectural law that stipulates the disclosure of the assets held by the members of the Prefectural Assembly of lawmakers1, Gifu Prefecture disclosed on October 7th the information about the assets held by all of forty -nine members of the Gifu pPrefectural aAssembly. Members They were elected at the last spring election last spring. The average amount of their assets was 41,978,000 yen. Most of their assets were held in the form of real estate and savings and amounted to were 2,980,000 yen on average. People can check the information at the building for the pPrefectural aAssembly in Yabuta-minami, Gifu City.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

米国の新聞では議員一般をlawmakersと呼ぶことがありますが、ここでは添削のように正確の記述するのがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Disclosure of Assets of Lawmakers in Gifu Prefecture”

 

Based on the prefectural law that stipulates the disclosure of the assets held by the members of the Prefectural Assembly, Gifu Prefecture disclosed on October 7th the information about the assets held by all forty-nine members of the Gifu Prefectural Assembly. They were elected at the election last spring. The average amount of their assets was 41,978,000 yen. Most of their assets were held in the form of real estate and savings and amounted to 2,980,000 yen on average. People can check the information at the building for the Prefectural Assembly in Yabuta-minami, Gifu City.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(やまもと、8 Nov 03

 

“Gifu Prefecture Made Assets of Members of Prefectural Assembly Public”

 

On October 7, on the basis of prefectural regulation on the disclosure of the assets of the members of prefectural assembly, the Prefecture of Gifu released a report to the public on the assets held by all 49 members of the Prefectural Assembly who had been elected this spring. The average value of assets per person was 49 million 780 thousand yen (excluding the value of stocks); a major part of the assets was held in land property and bank savings were 12 million 980 thousand yen. The report can be open to the public at the prefectural assembly building at Yabuta-Minami in Gifu City.

 

添削

 

“Gifu Prefecture Made Makes1 the Assets of Members of the Prefectural Assembly Public”

 

On October 7, on the basis of prefectural regulation on the disclosure of the assets of the members of prefectural assembly2, the Prefecture of Gifu released a report to the public on the assets held by all 49 members of the Prefectural Assembly who had been elected this spring. The average value of assets per person was 49 million 780 thousand yen (excluding the value of stocks); a major part of the assets was held in land property and bank savings were 12 million 980 thousand yen. The report was released according to the prefectural regulation on the disclosure of the assets of the members of the prefectural assembly and can be is open to the public at the prefectural assembly building at Yabuta-Minami in Gifu City.

 

コメント

 

難しく見える日本文ですが、やまもとさんは内容を読み解いて英文で表現しています。

 

1.       新聞などの見出しでは過去の出来事でも現在形で書くことが多いです。いつこの出来事が起こったということより、何が起こったかを読者に知らせるときは過去形より現在形のほうがわかりやすく印象が強くなるからでしょう。

 

2.       長い修飾節なのでキーセンテンスが文に出てこなくなります。文章のどこか他の場所に移したいので添削のようにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Gifu Prefecture Makes the Assets of Members of the Prefectural Assembly Public”

 

On October 7, the Prefecture of Gifu released a report to the public on the assets held by all 49 members of the Prefectural Assembly who had been elected this spring. The average value of assets per person was 49 million 780 thousand yen (excluding the value of stocks); a major part of the assets held in land property and bank savings were 12 million 980 thousand yen. The report was released according to the prefectural regulation on the disclosure of the assets of the members of the prefectural assembly and  is open to the public at the prefectural assembly building at Yabuta-Minami in Gifu City.