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中級練習問題の添削 81−90

 

中級問題 81 「地上ディジタル放送の限定受信方式」(4 Oct 03) (25 Oct 07) (15 Jan 11)

(20 May 11) (5 May 12)

中級問題 82 「火星の大接近」(7 Oct 03) (26 Oct 07) (16 Jan 11) (26 May 11)

(19 May 12)

中級問題 83 「65歳以上人口の増加」(15 Oct 03) ( 27 Oct 07) (6 Nov 07)

(19 May 12)

中級問題 84 「三重ごみ固形燃料(RDF)発電所爆発事故の事故原因中間報告」

(3 Oct 03) (28 Oct 07) (16 Jan 11) (27 May 11) (19 May 12)

中級問題 85 「徳島で警察安全相談件数が増加」(3 Oct 03) (31 Oct 07) (21 Jan 11)

(31 May 11) (26 May 12)

中級問題 86 「海外の日本大使館で精神疾患者の保護が増加」(10 Oct 03) (1 Nov 07)

(24 Jan 11) (3 June 11) (26 May 12)

中級問題 87 「国際協力事業団のトップに緒方貞子氏を起用」(15 Oct 03) (2 Nov 07)

(24 Jan 11) (3 June 11) (26 May 12)

中級問題 88 「西部池袋線で脱線事故」(10 Oct 03) (3 Nov 07) (28 Jan 11) (5 June 11)

(3 June 12)

中級問題 89 「マイクロソフトが安全性の高いパソコンを開発予定」(18 Oct 03)      (5 Nov 07) (28 Jan 11) (5 June 11) (3 June 12)

中級問題 90 「インターネットでホテルや旅館の予約(18 Oct 03) (6 Nov 07)

(31 Jan 11) (5 June 11) (3 June 12)

 

中級問題 81 「地上ディジタル放送の限定受信方式」

 

NHKは14日までに、3大都市圏で今年12月から始まる地上デジタル放送と、既存のBS(放送衛星)デジタル放送について、専用のICカードをテレビに差し込んだ場合だけ視聴できる「限定受信方式」を、来年4月から導入する方針を固めた。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 5 May 12

 

"Conditional Access System for Terrestrial Digital Broadcasting" 

 

On the 14th of this month, NHK decided to introduce in April next year a “conditional access system” for receiving existing BS digital broadcasting services and new terrestrial digital broadcasting services scheduled to start this December in Tokyo, Nagoya and Osaka.. The system enables its subscribed customers to view both BS and terrestrial digital broadcasting programs by inserting an authorized IC card to their TV.

 

添削

 

"A Controlled Conditional Access System for Terrestrial Digital Broadcasting" 

 

On the 14th of this month, NHK decided to introduce in April next year a “conditional controlled access system” for receiving existing BS digital broadcasting services and new terrestrial digital broadcasting services scheduled to start this December in Tokyo, Nagoya and Osaka.. The system enables its subscribed customers to view both BS and terrestrial digital broadcasting programs by inserting an authorized IC card into their TVs.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"A Controlled  Access System for Terrestrial Digital Broadcasting" 

 

On the 14th of this month, NHK decided to introduce in April next year a “controlled access system” for receiving existing BS digital broadcasting services and new terrestrial digital broadcasting services scheduled to start this December in Tokyo, Nagoya and Osaka. The system enables its subscribed customers to view both BS and terrestrial digital broadcasting programs by inserting an authorized IC card into their TVs.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 20 May 11

 

Terrestrial Digital Broadcasting service by Conditional Access System

 

NHK announced on 14th of this month to introduce a "conditional access system,"which needs special IC card for receiving new terrestrial digital broadcasting service in three major metropolitan areas starting from this December and existing BS digital broadcasting service, from next April. TV viewers are allowed to receive both types of  digital broadcasts by inserting a special IC card into TV.

 

添削

 

Terrestrial Digital Broadcasting service Services by Conditional Access System

 

NHK announced on the14th of this month to introduce a "conditional access system," which would needs a special IC card for receiving both1 new terrestrial digital broadcasting services (which would start this December) and existing BS digital broadcasting services in three major metropolitan areas next April starting from this December and existing BS digital broadcasting service, from next April. TV viewers will be able are allowed to receive both types of  digital broadcastsing services by inserting a special IC card into TV.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかりすが、日本文の内容と違うようです。

1.       両方の種類のディジタル放送について限定受信方式が来年4月から始まる、という解釈ですと添削のようになります。この場合は見出しも変えた方がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Terrestrial Digital Broadcasting Services by Conditional Access System

 

NHK announced on the14th of this month to introduce a "conditional access system," which would need a special IC card for receiving both new terrestrial digital broadcasting services (which would start this December) and existing BS digital broadcasting services in three major metropolitan areas next April. TV viewers will be able to receive both types of digital broadcasting services by inserting a special IC card into TV.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 15 January 11

 

"IC Cards will be needed to view digital programs”

 

NHK said on 14th of this month that it will introduce an IC-card for viewing digital programs in April next year. Viewers will need to insert the card into their TV to watch both existing broad satellite digital programs and terrestrial digital programs, which will start in December in Tokyo, Osaka and Nagoya.

 

添削

 

"IC Ccards will be needed to view NHK digital broadcasting programs”

 

NHK said announced on 14th of this month that it would will introduce an IC-card for viewing digital broadcasting programs in April next year. Viewers will need to insert the card into their TV to watch both existing broad satellite digital programs and terrestrial digital programs, which will start in December in Tokyo, Osaka and Nagoya.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"IC cards will be needed to view NHK digital broadcasting programs”

 

NHK announced on 14th of this month that it would  introduce an IC-card for viewing digital broadcasting programs in April next year. Viewers will need to insert the card into their TV to watch both existing broad satellite digital programs and terrestrial digital programs, which will start in December in Tokyo, Osaka and Nagoya.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、25 October 07

 

"Conditional Access System for Terrestrial Digital Broadcasting "

 

NHK (Japan Broadcasting Corporation) decided on 14th to introduce a “conditional access system” from next April for receiving Terrestrial Digital Broadcasting and BS digital broadcasting. While the BS digital broadcasting has already proceeded, the Terrestrial Digital Broadcasting is going to start from this December in three major metropolitan areas.  The “conditional access system” allows you receiving the Terrestrial Digital Broadcasting and BS digital broadcasting only when you insert a specific IC card to TV.

 

添削

 

"Conditional Access System for Terrestrial Digital Broadcasting "

 

NHK (Japan Broadcasting Corporation) decided on the14th of this month1 to introduce a “conditional access system” from next April for receiving its Tterrestrial Ddigital Bbroadcasting and BS digital broadcasting programs next April. While the BS digital broadcasting has been already proceededing, the Tterrestrial Ddigital Bbroadcasting2 is going to start from this December in three major metropolitan areas.  The “conditional access system” allows you TV program viewers to receiveing the Tterrestrial Ddigital Bbroadcasting and BS digital broadcasting only when they you insert a special specific IC card to the TV.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。日本文は長い一文ですが、さくらさんは内容をわかりやすく英文で整理していますね。

 

1.       日本文には何月のことか書いてありませんが、on the 14thだけでは落ち着きが悪いのでいれておきました。

 

2.       一般的な抽象名詞として扱います。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Conditional Access System for Terrestrial Digital Broadcasting "

 

NHK (Japan Broadcasting Corporation) decided on the14th of this month to introduce a “conditional access system” for receiving its terrestrial digital broadcasting and BS digital broadcasting programs next April. While BS digital broadcasting has been already proceeding, terrestrial digital broadcasting is going to start this December in three major metropolitan areas. The “conditional access system” allows TV program viewers to receive terrestrial digital broadcasting and BS digital broadcasting only when they insert a special  IC card to the TV.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Junichi, 4 Oct 03

 

“Limited Access Method for Terrestrial Digital Television Broadcasting”

 

NHK decided that it would introduce a limited access method to terrestrial digital television broadcasting that would start December this year in the three metropolitan areas in addition to the current satellite television broadcasting. The limited access method allows viewers watch TV programs by inserting a special IC card into the TV.

 

添削

 

“Limited Access Method for Terrestrial Digital Television Broadcasting1

 

NHK has2 decided that it would will introduce a limited access method to terrestrial digital television broadcasting that would will start in December of this year in the three metropolitan areas and is3 in addition to the current satellite television broadcasting. The limited access method allows viewers of both types of broadcasing4 to watch TV programs by inserting a special IC card into the TV.

 

コメント

 

1.       地上ディジタル放送」は新語なので私の和英には載っていませんでした。Junichiさんはよく英語名を見つけましたね。英和辞書にまだ載っていない新語の英訳を見つけるには次の二つの方法が便利です。まずhttp://www.alc.co.jp/ のホームページの左上にある英次郎on the Webで検索してみます。ここにもまだ載っていないときはyahooなどで検索してみます。企業や政府のホームページには英語版のあるところがあり、ここで英訳が見つかることがあります。どうしても見つからないときは自分の英訳を作ってください。

 

2.       過去に決めたことでなく、ごく最近決めたことで決めた内容はこれから行うことなので、過去形ではなく現在完了形にします。

 

3.       地上デジタル放送が既存の放送衛星とは別のものだということをはっきりさせました。

 

4.       添削のようにすると、両方の方式のテレビを見るためには、ということがはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Limited Access Method for Terrestrial Digital Television Broadcasting”

 

NHK has decided that it will introduce a limited access method to terrestrial digital television broadcasting that will start in December of this year in three metropolitan areas and is in addition to the current satellite television broadcasting. The limited access method allows viewers of both types of broadcasing to watch TV programs by inserting a special IC card into the TV.

 

 

中級問題 82 「火星の大接近」

 

太陽のまわりを公転している地球と火星は、その公転周期の違いから22カ月に一度、接近します。火星の軌道は、楕円の度合いが大きいため大接近が起きます。今年827日には、地球との距離が55758千キロにまで近付きます。約6万年ぶりの、まさに世紀の大接近です。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 19 May 12

 

"Mars Gets Closest to Earth”  

 

Mars and Earth get closer together once in every twenty-six months because of their different orbital periods. With Mars having more elliptical orbit than Earth, the two planets alternate between getting closer together and farther apart, and they can be closest to each other when on the same side of the Sun. On August 27 this year, the “red planet” will be less than 55. 76 million kilometers, a stone’s throw, away from the “blue planet”. This can be called “the great approach of the century”, as it has not happened in 60,000 years.

 

添削

 

"Mars Gets Closest to Earth”  

 

Mars and Earth get closer together once in every twenty-six months because of their different orbital periods. With Mars having a more elliptical orbit than Earth, the two planets alternate between getting closer together and farther apart, and they can be closest to each other when they are on the same side of the Sun. On August 27 this year, the “red planet” will be less than 55. 76 million kilometers, a stone’s throw, away from the “blue planet”. This can be called “the greatest approach of the century”, as it has not happened in the last 60,000 years.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。the red planetthe blue planeta stone’s throwまで接近するとはおもしろいですね。日本文の「約6万年ぶりの、まさに世紀の大接近です」はどうして六万年ぶりが世紀(100年)の大接近なのかわかりませんが。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Mars Gets Closest to Earth”  

 

Mars and Earth get closer together once in every twenty-six months because of their different orbital periods. With Mars having a more elliptical orbit than Earth, the two planets alternate between getting closer together and farther apart, and they can be closest to each other when they are on the same side of the Sun. On August 27 this year, the “red planet” will be less than 55. 76 million kilometers, a stone’s throw, away from the “blue planet”. This can be called “the greatest approach of the century”, as it has not happened in the last 60,000 years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 26 May 11

 

Mars Comes Close to the Earth

 

Mars and the Earth, which move around the Sun, come closer to each other once a twenty-six months due to a different orbital period. It occurs for a reason that the orbit of Mars has more ellipse shape than its Earth.

 

On August 27 of this year, Mars will make its closest approach to the Earth in about 55,758 million kilometers for the first time in 60 thousand years. We can say that it is a great approach in centuries.

 

添削

 

Mars Comes Close to the1 Earth

 

Mars and the Earth, which move around the Sun, come closer to each other once a in every twenty-six months due to a their different orbital periods. They come close It occurs for a reason that because the orbit of Mars has a more ellipse elliptical shape than that of its Earth.

 

On August 27 of this year, Mars will make its closest approach to the Earth, only in about 55,758 million kilometers from Earth for the first time in 60 thousand years. We can say that it this will be is a great approach in centuries.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       投稿3のコメント2をご覧ください。

 

2.       事象を指すitより、事象の当事者を指すtheyのほうが具体的になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Mars Comes Close to Earth

 

Mars and Earth, which move around the Sun, come closer to each other once in every twenty-six months due to their different orbital periods. They come close because the orbit of Mars has a more elliptical shape than that of Earth.

 

On August 27 of this year, Mars will make its closest approach to Earth, only 55,758 million kilometers from Earth for the first time in 60 thousand years. We can say that this will be a great approach in centuries.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 16 January 11

 

"Mars Makes Great Approach to the Earth.

 

Mars comes close to Earth every two years and two months because the two planets orbit at different speeds around the sun. Mars has a more elliptical orbit around the sun, so that the planet sometimes comes closer to the Earth than usual. On August 27 this year, a historical event will take place when Mars comes unusually closer to the earth at about 60 million kilometers for the first time in 60,000 years.

 

添削

 

"Mars Comes Closer Makes Great Approach to the Earth.

 

Mars comes close to the Earth2 every two years and two months because the two planets orbit at different speeds around the sun. Mars has a more elliptical orbit around the sun, so that the planet sometimes comes closer to the Earth than usual. On August 27 this year, a historical event will take place when Mars comes unusually closer to the earth at about 60 million kilometers for the first time in 60,000 years.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。複雑な内容がわかりやすく表現してあります。

 

1.       「接近」ということがはっきりわかる単語を入れるのがよいでしょう。

 

2.       Earth, the Earthのどちらでもよいですが、Collins COBUILDによれば、People usually say Earth when they are referring to the planet as part of the universe, and the Earth when they are talking about the planet as the place where we live.です。これによると、この問題ではEarthのほうがよいようですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Mars Comes Closer to the Earth.

 

Mars comes close to the Earth every two years and two months because the two planets orbit at different speeds around the sun. Mars has a more elliptical orbit around the sun, so that the planet sometimes comes closer to the Earth than usual. On August 27 this year, a historical event will take place when Mars comes unusually closer to the earth at about 60 million kilometers for the first time in 60,000 years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、26 October 07

 

“Mars Comes Close to Earth”

 

Mars comes closer to the Earth every two years and two months because Mars and the Earth move around the Sun with different orbital periods. As Mars has the shaper ellipse orbit than the Earth, it sometimes comes closer to the Earth. On August 27 this year, Mars will be 55.758 million kilometers away from the Earth. This is the closest distance between Mars and the Earth for the first time in sixty thousand years. We might call it the great approach of Mars for centuries.

 

添削

 

“Mars Comes Close to the Earth”

 

Mars comes closer to the Earth every two years and two months because Mars and the Earth move around the Sun with different orbital periods. As Mars has the shaper ellipse elliptic orbit than the Earth, it sometimes comes closer to the Earth. On August 27 this year, Mars will be only 55.758 million kilometers away from the Earth. This is the closest distance between Mars and the Earth for the first time in sixty thousand years. We might call it the great approach of Mars for in centuries.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。日本文には専門用語が多いですが、さくらさんはわかりやすい英文で表現しています。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Mars Comes Close to the Earth”

 

Mars comes closer to the Earth every two years and two months because Mars and the Earth move around the Sun with different orbital periods. As Mars has the shaper elliptic orbit than the Earth, it sometimes comes closer to the Earth. On August 27 this year, Mars will be only 55.758 million kilometers away from the Earth. This is the closest distance between Mars and the Earth for the first time in sixty thousand years. We might call it the great approach of Mars in centuries.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Cam, 7 Oct 03

 

“The Mars Approaches the Earth Closest in the Last 60,000 Years”

 

The Mars approaches the Earth closer every two years and two months. This is caused by a difference in the period of orbital motion of these satellites around the Sun. Once in a while, the Mars approaches the Earth closer than usual because the Mars’ orbit is more elliptic than that of the Earth. On August 27, 2003, the Mars will come closest to the Earth, only 55,758 thousand kilometers away in the last 60 thousand years.

 

添削

 

The Mars Approaches the Earth Closest in the Last 60,000 Years Mars Arrives at its Closest Point to Earth in 60,000 Years1

 

The Mars2 approaches passes closer to3 the Earth closer every two years and two months. This is caused by a difference in the period of orbital motion of these satellites around the Sun sun. Once in a while4, the Mars approaches the Earth closer than usual because the Mars’ its orbit is more elliptic than that of the Earth. On August 27, 2003, the Mars will come the closest to the Earth, only 55,758 thousand kilometers away, in the last 60 thousand years.

 

コメント

 

Camさんは「公転周期」、「楕円の度合い」など日常使わない言葉をよく調べて英文にしています。またに本文の内容を整理して英文を再構成しています。

 

1.       添削のようにすると大接近の意味がはっきりします。

 

2.       天体の一般的な表現はthe Earth (またはEarth)、the sun, Marsとなります。On the earth(地上に)というようにthe earthは地面という意味がありますから、地球を指す場合は大文字、太陽は宇宙に無数にあり、そのなかでわれら太陽系の太陽を指す場合はthe sun、火星は宇宙に唯一つなのでMarsという理屈が背景にあります。

 

3.       Passesにすると火星は地球に近づいてはまた遠ざかるという意味がはっきりします。

 

4.       One in a whileという副詞句で文と文のつなぎをよくしていますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

“ Mars Arrives at its Closest Point to Earth in 60,000 Years”

 

Mars passes closer to the Earth every two years and two months. This is caused by a difference in the period of orbital motion of these satellites around the sun. Once in a while, Mars approaches the Earth closer than usual because its orbit is more elliptic than that of the Earth. On August 27, 2003, Mars will come the closest to the Earth, only 55,758 thousand kilometers away, in the last 60 thousand years.

 

 

 

中級問題 83 「65歳以上人口の増加」

 

「敬老の日」にちなんで総務省が発表した統計調査によると、2003年9月15日現在の65歳以上の人口(推計)は昨年より71万人多い2431万人で、総人口に占める割合も19・0%となり、人数、割合ともに過去最高を更新した。

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 19 May 12

 

"Increasing Number of People Aged 65 and Older” 

 

According to a statistical survey conducted by the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications in the wake of “Respect-for-the-Aged Day”, the number of people aged 65 and older as of September 15, 2003 was 24.31 million, up 0.71 million from last year. These elderly people account for 19% of the total population, reaching a new high in both number and percentage.

 

添削

 

"Increasing Number of People Aged 65 and Older Over 

 

According to a statistical survey conducted by the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications in the wake of the “Respect-for-the-Aged Day”, the number of people aged 65 and over older as of September 15, 2003 was 24.31 million, up 0.71 million from last year. These elderly people accounted for 19% of the total population, reaching a new high in both number and percentage.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Increasing Number of People Aged 65 and  Over” 

 

According to a statistical survey conducted by the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications in the wake of the “Respect-for-the-Aged Day”, the number of people aged 65 and over as of September 15, 2003 was 24.31 million, up 0.71 million from last year. These elderly people accounted for 19% of the total population, reaching a new high in both number and percentage.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 6 November 07

 

"Number of Elderly People Aged 65 or Older is Increasing"

 

Results announced by the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications on Sept. 15, 2003 to coincide with Respect for the Aged Day estimate that elderly people aged 65 or older comprise 19.0 percent of the total population or 24.3 million people, which increased by 710 thousand people from the previous year. The number and ratio of people of this age group is the highest ever.

  

添削

 

"Number of Elderly People Aged 65 or and Over Older1 is Increasing"

 

The Rresults of a survey announced by the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications on Sept.ember 15, 2003, to coincide with Respect for the Aged Day, show estimate that elderly people aged 65 or and over older comprise 19.0 percent of the total population or 24.3 million people, which increased by 710 thousand people from the previous year. The number and percentage ratio of people of this age group have reached is the highest ever.

  

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「65歳以上」には65歳も入るので、people aged 65 and overとなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Number of Elderly People Aged 65 and Over is Increasing"

 

The results of a survey announced by the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications on September 15, 2003, Respect for the Aged Day, show that elderly people aged 65 and over comprise 19.0 percent of the total population or 24.3 million people, which increased by 710 thousand people from the previous year. The number and percentage of people of this age group have reached the highest ever.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、27 October 07

 

“Record High Population of over 65 ”

 

In connection with “Aged People’s Day”, the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications announced the results of the population survey. According to the results, the population of people who are 65 years old and above as of September 15th 2003 is 24.31 million (19 percent of total population) up 710 thousand people from 2002. This is the highest record in both number and ratio.

 

添削

 

“Record High Population of over 65 ”

 

In connection with “Aged People’s Day”, the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications announced the results of the population survey. According to the results, the population of people who are 65 years old and above over as of September 15th, 2003 is was 24.31 million (19 percent of the total population) up 710 thousand people from 2002. This is the highest number and percentage1 ever recorded in both number and ratio.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       one out of three, two-fifthsなどがa ratioなので、ここではa percentageにします。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Record High Population of over 65 ”

 

In connection with “Aged People’s Day”, the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications announced the results of the population survey. According to the results, the population of people who are 65 years old and over as of September 15th, 2003 was 24.31 million (19 percent of the total population) up 710 thousand people from 2002. This is the highest number and percentage ever recorded .

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(いずみ、15 Oct 03

 

“An Increasing Number of People Over 65-Years Old”

 

On Aged People’s Day, the Ministry of Public Management, Home Affairs, Posts and Telecommunications announced1 that as of September 15, 2003, the number of people over 65-years old increased by 710 thousand from last year2 had reached 24,310 thousands, or 19.0 percent of the total population. It increased by 710 thousands from last year and recorded theThis is the highest number and percentage ever recorded.

 

添削

 

1.       「日本文では敬老の日にちなんで総務省が発表した統計調査によると」となっていますが、いずみさんは簡単にOn Aged People’s Day, the Ministry announced that ~としています。日本文には常套句や節が文の飾りのように使われますが、内容を考えて英文では簡単に表現できるときが多いです。

 

2.       ここに移動したほうが文章全体としてのおさまりがよいと思います。

 

添削後の文章

 

“An Increasing Number of People Over 65-Years Old”

 

On Aged People’s Day, the Ministry of Public Management, Home Affairs, Posts and Telecommunications announced that as of September 15, 2003, the number of people over 65-years old increased by 710 thousand from last year had reached 24,310 thousand, or 19.0 percent of the total population. This is the highest number and percentage ever recorded.

 

 

中級問題 84 「三重ごみ固形燃料(RDF)発電所爆発事故の事故原因中間報告」

 

三重県多度町の三重ごみ固形燃料(RDF)発電所爆発事故で、専門家で構成する県の事故調査委員会は9月16日、RDFが発酵、自己発熱して異常高温となり、発火に至ったとする中間報告をまとめ、野呂知事に提出した。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 19 May 12

 

"Interim Report on the Cause of Explosions at Mie RDF Power Plant” 

 

The prefectural accident investigation committee consisting of experts submitted its interim report on the cause of an explosion accident at the Mie RDF (refuse-derived fuel) power plant, Tado-cho, Mie Prefecture to Governor Noro on September 16. The report says that RDF fermented, producing heat high  enough to ignite itself

 

添削

 

"Interim Report on the Cause of Explosions at Mie RDF Power Plant” 

 

The prefectural accident investigation committee consisting of experts submitted its interim report on the cause of an explosion accident at the Mie RDF (refuse-derived fuel) power plant, Tado-cho, Mie Prefecture to Governor Noro on September 16. The report says that RDF fermented, producing heat high enough to ignite itself

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 27 May 11

 

An Interim Report about the Explosion Accident at the Mie RDF Power Plant

 

Prefectural accident investigation committee which is made up of experts submitted an interim report related to the explosion accident at the Mie RDF (refuse-derived fuel) power plant in Tado Town to Governor Noro of Mie Prefecture on September 16.

 

According to the report, the accident was thought to be due to four processes. The RDFs were fermented and generated self-heating. As a result, these created high temperature and ignited spontaneously.

 

添削

 

An Interim Report on about the Explosion Accident at the Mie RDF Power Plant

 

The Prefectural aAccident iInvestigation cCommittee1, which is was2 made up of experts, submitted an interim report related to on the explosion accident at the Mie RDF (refuse-derived fuel) pPower pPlant in Tado Town to Governor Noro of Mie Prefecture on September 16.

 

According to the report, the accident was thought to be caused by the following sequence due to four processes.: The RDFs3 were was fermented and generated heat high enough4 self-heating. As a result, these created high temperature and to ignited RDF spontaneously.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

正確な英語名称はわかりませんが、固有名詞にします。

 

1.       submittedに合わせて過去形にします。

 

2.       RDFを物質名詞として扱います。

 

3.       …heat high enough to do ~とすると、次の文とつながります。

 

添削後の文章

 

An Interim Report on the Explosion Accident at the Mie RDF Power Plant

 

The Prefectural Accident Investigation Committee, which was made up of experts, submitted an interim report on the explosion accident at the Mie RDF (refuse-derived fuel) Power Plant in Tado Town to Governor Noro of Mie Prefecture on September 16.

 

According to the report, the accident was thought to be caused by the following sequence: RDF was fermented and generated heat high enough to ignite RDF spontaneously.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 16 January 11

 

"Interim Report on an Explosive accident at the RDF Power Plant in Mie Prefecture”

 

On September 16, the prefectural accident investigation committee submitted to Governor Noro of Mie Prefecture an interim report on an explosive accident at the reuse-derived fuel (RDF) power plant in Tado-cho, Mie Prefecture. The report says that the explosion was caused by the self-heating and spontaneous ignition of RDF when they fermented.

 

添削

 

"Interim Report on the Cause of an Explosive aAccident at the RDF Power Plant in Mie Prefecture”

 

On September 16, the prefectural accident investigation committee submitted to Governor Noro of Mie Prefecture an interim report on the cause of an explosive accident at the reuse-derived fuel (RDF) power plant in Tado-cho, Mie Prefecture. The report says that the explosion was caused by the self-heating and spontaneous ignition of RDF when they fermented.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Interim Report on the Cause of an Explosive Accident at the RDF Power Plant in Mie Prefecture”

 

On September 16, the prefectural accident investigation committee submitted to Governor Noro of Mie Prefecture an interim report on the cause of an explosive accident at the reuse-derived fuel (RDF) power plant in Tado-cho, Mie Prefecture. The report says that the explosion was caused by the self-heating and spontaneous ignition of RDF when they fermented.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、28 October 07

 

“Cause of Explosion at Electric Power Plant in Mie Prefecture”

 

The prefectural accident investigation committee submitted the tentative report to Mie governor Noro on September 16th. The committee is consisted of the experts and investigated the cause of the explosion occurred at an electric power plant in Tado-Cho, Mie Prefecture. This power plant uses refuse-derived fuel(RDF) to generate electric power. The cause of explosion was that RDF fermented and produced unusual high heat by itself and resulted in fire.

 

添削

 

The Cause of Explosion at Electric Power Plant in Mie Prefecture”

 

The prefectural accident investigation committee submitted the a tentative report to Mie gGovernor Noro of Mie Prefecture on September 16th. The committee, consisting of is consisted of the experts, and investigated the cause of the an explosion that had occurred at an electric power plant in Tado-Cho, Mie Prefecture. This power plant uses refuse-derived fuel (RDF) to generate electric power. According to the report, Tthe cause of explosion was caused1 by an unusually high temperature that was produced when that RDF fermented and produced unusual high heat by itself and resulted in fire.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       一般に、the cause of explosion was ~.という形より、The explosion was caused by ~.の形で表現したほうが、文に動きがでて内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“The Cause of Explosion at Electric Power Plant in Mie Prefecture”

 

The prefectural accident investigation committee submitted a tentative report to Governor Noro of Mie Prefecture on September 16th. The committee, consisting of experts,  investigated the cause of an explosion that had occurred at an electric power plant in Tado-Cho, Mie Prefecture. This power plant uses refuse-derived fuel (RDF) to generate electric power. According to the report, the explosion was caused by an unusually high temperature that was produced when RDF fermented by itself.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(オカヤ、3 Oct 93

 

“An Interim Report on the Cause of an Explosion at the Mie Refuse Derived Fuel Power Plant”

 

On September 16, the Accident Investigate Committee of the Government of Mie Prefecture submitted an interim report to Governor Noro on the cause of an explosion at the Mie Refusal Derived Fuel (RDF) Power Plant in the Town of Tado, Mie. According to the report, the explosion happened when the RDF started a process of fermentation and self-heating that created an excessively high temperature and ignited the RDF.

 

添削

 

“An Interim Report on the Cause of an Explosion Accident at the Mie Refuse Derived Fuel Power Plant”

 

On September 16, the Accident Investigateing1 Committee of the Government of Mie Prefecture submitted to Governor Noro an interim report on the cause of an explosion accident at the Mie Refusal Derived Fuel (RDF) Power Plant in the Town of Tado, Mie. According to the report, the accident explosion happened when the RDF started a process of fermenting fermentation and self-heating and that2 created a an excessively high temperature that in turn and ignited the RDF.

 

コメント

 

日常使わないような名詞が出てくる日本文ですが、オカヤさんはよく調べて英文にしています。

 

1.       「事故調査委員会」のように日本語では名詞をならべて長い名詞をつくりますが、英語では添削のように動名詞を使って名詞の間の関係を明らかにします。

 

2.       一連の原因と結果の因果関係をはっきりさせる必要がありますが、添削のようにこの因果関係が明確になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“An Interim Report on the Cause of an Explosion at the Mie Refuse Derived Fuel Power Plant”

 

On September 16, the Accident Investigating Committee of the Government of Mie Prefecture submitted to Governor Noro an interim report on the cause of an explosion at the Mie Refusal Derived Fuel (RDF) Power Plant in the Town of Tado, Mie. According to the report, the explosion happened when the RDF started a process of fermentation and self-heating that created an excessively high temperature  and ignited the RDF.

 

 

中級問題 85 「徳島で警察安全相談件数が増加」

 

徳島県警に寄せられる警察安全相談が増加している。今年七月末現在の受理件数は7,336件で、前年同期に比べ1,454件(247%)増。ヤミ金融など消費者金融に関する相談が目立つほか、ごみ投棄や性的いやがらせ、迷惑電話、家庭内不和など、さまざまな内容が寄せられている。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 26 May 12

 

"Increasing Number of People Seeking Advice from Police - Tokushima”  

 

An increasing number of requests for advice have been brought to the Tokushima Prefectural Police.  As of July 31, the number of requests they received was 7,336 cases, an increase by 1,454 cases or 24.7% from the previous year. Especially standing out is the large number of people seeking consultation regarding consumer finance such as loan sharks. Also noted are a variety of different troubles including illegal waste-dumping, sexual harassment, crank calls and family issues.

 

添削

 

"Increasing Number of People Seeking Advice from Police - Tokushima”  

 

An increasing number of requests for advice have been brought to the Tokushima Prefectural Police.  As of July 31, the number of requests they received was reached7,336 cases this year, an increase by 1,454 cases or 24.7% for the same period from in the previous year. Especially sStanding out especially amount them is the large number of people seeking consultation advice1 regarding consumer finance such as loan sharks. Also noted are a variety of different troubles including illegal waste-dumping, sexual harassment, crank calls and human relation problems in the family issues.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       seeking consultationとすると、問題をおこしている相手側とのconsultation を警察に仲介してもらうのかな?というようにもとれるのseeking adviceがよいでしょう。

 

添削語の文章

 

"Increasing Number of People Seeking Advice from Police - Tokushima”  

 

An increasing number of requests for advice have been brought to the Tokushima Prefectural Police. As of July 31, the number of requests they received reached7,336 this year, an increase by 1,454 or 24.7% for the same period in the previous year. Standing out especially amount them is the large number of people seeking advice regarding consumer finance such as loan sharks. Also noted are a variety of troubles including illegal waste-dumping, sexual harassment, crank calls and human relation problems in the family .

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 31 May 11

 

The Tokushima Prefectural Police Received Many Safety Consultations.

 

The Tokushima Prefectural Police has received an increasing number of safety consultations from people who want an advice. As of July 31, the number of cases that they accepted are 7336 cases, which increased by 1454 cases or 24.7percent compared to the same period last year.

 

There are various consultations such as waste dumpling, sexual harassment, unwanted telephones and family conflict. Especially the most of the consultations are regarding consumer finance's problems such as black-market finance.

 

添削

 

The Tokushima Prefectural Police Receiveds Many Requests for Safety Consultations.

 

The Tokushima Prefectural Police has is receiveding1 an increasing number of requests for safety consultations from people who want an advice. As of July 31, the number of requests cases that they received accepted are reached 7,336 cases, which was increased by 1,454 cases or 24.7 percent more than compared to the same period last year.

 

There are various kinds of requests consultations such as those related to2 waste dumpling, sexual harassment, unwanted telephones calls and family conflicts. Especially, those related to the most of the consultations are regarding problems of consumer finance's problems such as black-market finance are increasing fast3.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       an increasing numberという動きのある事象ですから、動詞はis receivingとなります。

 

2.       内容の違う相談ですから、various kinds of consultationsとなります。それで次はsuch as those related to waste dumplingとなります。こういうところが英語表現は面倒ですね。

 

3.       「相談が目立つ」とだけで、どのように目立つのか日本文ではわかりません。英文では具体性が大切ですから、ここでは「数の増加が目立つ」としておきました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Tokushima Prefectural Police Receives Many Requests for Safety Consultations.

 

The Tokushima Prefectural Police is receiving an increasing number of requests for safety consultations. As of July 31, the number of requests that they received reached 7,336, which was 1,454 or 24.7 percent more than the same period last year.

 

There are various kinds of requests such as those related to waste dumpling, sexual harassment, unwanted telephone calls and family conflicts. Especially, those related to  problems of consumer finance such as black-market finance are increasing fast.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 21 January 11

 

"The Number of Requests for Advice is on the Rise in Tokushima Prefecture”

 

The Tokushima Prefectural Police are receiving more and more requests for advice from people in trouble. As of July 31, the police received 7,336 requests, which increased by 1,454 or 24.7 percent from the same period last year. In particular, conspicuous was a request for advice on how to deal with unsecured consumer loans, while other requests included a wide variety of problems such as illegal waste dumpling, sexual harassment, nuisance call and domestic trouble.

 

添削

 

"The Number of Requests for Advice is on the Rise in at the Tokushima Prefectureal Police

 

The Tokushima Prefectural Police are receiving more and more requests for advice from people in trouble. As of July 31, the police received 7,336 requests, which increased by 1,454 or 24.7 percent from the same period last year. In pParticularly, conspicuous were was a requests for advice on how to deal with unsecured consumer loans, while1 oOther requests included a wide variety of problems such as illegal waste dumpling, sexual harassment, nuisance telephone calls and domestic troubles among family members.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       前半がparticularly conspicuous were ~となっているので、whileでこれと対比するには、while more ordinary were ~というようになります。ここでは特に対比する必要なないので、新しい文にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"The Number of Requests for Advice is on the Rise at the Tokushima Prefectural Police”

 

The Tokushima Prefectural Police are receiving more and more requests for advice from people in trouble. As of July 31, the police received 7,336 requests, which increased by 1,454 or 24.7 percent from the same period last year. Particularly conspicuous were  requests for advice on how to deal with unsecured consumer loans.. Other requests included a wide variety of problems such as illegal waste dumpling, sexual harassment, nuisance telephone calls and domestic troubles among family members.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、31 October 07

 

"More and More Advice from the Police is required in Tokushima”

 

In Tokushima Prefecture, more and more people are asking for advice from police to solve problems. As of the end of July this year, the police got 7,336 requests for advice, increased 24.7% from 1,454 requests in last year. People ask for advice on different problems such as illegal trash dumping, sexual harassment, annoying phone call and domestic troubles. Advice on consumer loan problems including loan sharks is especially being needed.

 

添削

 

"More and More Advice People Ask from the Police for Advice is required in Tokushima1

 

In Tokushima Prefecture, more and more people are asking for advice from the police to solve their problems. As of the end of July this year, the police got 7,336 requests for advice, an increased of 24.7% from 1,454 requests in last year. People ask for advice on different various2 problems such as illegal trash dumping, sexual harassment, annoying phone calls and domestic troubles. Requests for Aadvice on consumer loan problems including loan sharks is are particularly noticeable3 especially being needed.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       本文に合わせてpeopleを主語にするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       differentは「〜と違う」ですから、ここでは「いろいろな種類の」variousにします。

 

3.       Advice is needed.とすると「助言が必要だ」と意見になります。ここでは客観的は事実の記述なので、Advice appears to be needed.または添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"More and More People Ask the Police for Advice in Tokushima1

 

In Tokushima Prefecture, more and more people are asking for advice from the police to solve their problems. As of the end of July this year, the police got 7,336 requests for advice, an increase of 24.7% from 1,454 requests last year. People ask for advice on various problems such as illegal trash dumping, sexual harassment, annoying phone calls and domestic troubles. Requests for advice on consumer loan problems including loan sharks are particularly noticeable.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Keiko, 3 Oct 03

 

“The Number of Safely Counseling Increases at Tokushima Prefectural Police”

 

The number of requests for safety counseling has been increasing at Tokushima Prefectural Police. As of the end of July, Tokushima Prefectural Police has already received 7,336 requests this year, larger than the same period last year by 1,454 requests or 24.7 percent more. There was a significant number of requests for safety counseling related to under-ground money lending. But there were also request related to illegal waste dumping, sexual harassment, nuisance telephone calls, and domestic violence.

 

添削

 

“The Number of Requests for Safety Counseling Increases at Tokushima Prefectural Police”

 

The number of requests for safety counseling1 has been increasing at Tokushima Prefectural Police. As of the end of July, Tokushima Prefectural Police has had2 already received 7,336 requests this year, larger more than the same period last year by 1,454 requests or 24.7 percent more. There was a significant number of requests for safety counseling related to under-ground money lending. But there were also request related to illegal waste dumping, sexual harassment, nuisance telephone calls, and domestic violence3.

 

添削

 

1.       「警察安全相談」という和英辞書にまだ無い語句を内容を考えて平易に英語で表現しています。

 

2.       The number of requests for safety counseling has been increasing.と現在まで続いて増加していている状態があり、7月末というこの現在の状態より前の時点のことなので動詞の時制はhad already receivedとなります。

 

3.       「ごみ投棄や性的いやがらせ、迷惑電話、家庭内不和」を英語で日常使われる適切な語句で表現しています。「家庭内不和」は単に家庭の人間関係がうまくいっていない、という意味ではなく、この文脈の中では「家庭内暴力」のことですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

“The Number of Requests for Safety Counseling Increases at Tokushima Prefectural Police”

 

The number of requests for safety counseling has been increasing at Tokushima Prefectural Police. As of the end of July, Tokushima Prefectural Police had already received 7,336 requests this year, more than the same period last year by 1,454 requests or 24.7 percent. There was a significant number of requests for safety counseling related to under-ground money lending. But there were also request related to illegal waste dumping, sexual harassment, nuisance telephone calls, and domestic violence.

 

 

中級問題 86 「海外の日本大使館で精神疾患者の保護が増加」

 

海外でトラブルに巻き込まれるなどした日本人を援助・保護する大使館や領事館などの「邦人保護」業務で、メンタルヘルスの問題が深刻化している。海外生活者だけでなく、旅行者が精神的に不安定になるケースも増加している。発症原因は「異文化不適応」「移動ショック」などさまざま。テロや大規模災害に遭遇して心的外傷後ストレス障害(PTSD)になったという深刻な例もある。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 26 May 12

 

"Japanese Embassies Taking Care of Increasing Number of Mentally Ailed Japanese Nationals” 

 

Japanese embassies and consulates are seeing a growing number of mental health problems in their jobs to protect Japanese nationals involved in troubles overseas. Not only expatriates but also more and more travelers are becoming mentally unstable. The problems have a variety of causes including intercultural maladjustment, excessive tension coming from a long journey, and so forth. There are more serious cases where some people developed posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as a result of encountering extraordinary happenings like terrorist attacks or large-scale disasters.

 

添削

 

"Japanese Embassies Taking Care of Increasing Number of Mentally Ailed Japanese Nationals” 

 

Japanese embassies and consulates are seeing a growing number of Japanese nationals with mental health problems on in their jobs to protect Japanese nationals involved in troubles overseas. Not only expatriates Japanese people living overseas but also more and more Japanese travelers are becoming mentally unstable. The problems have a variety of causes including intercultural maladjustments, excessive tension coming from a long journey, and so forth. There are more serious cases where some people have developed posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as a result of encountering extraordinary happenings like terrorist attacks or large-scale disasters.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削語の文章

 

"Japanese Embassies Taking Care of Increasing Number of Mentally Ailed Japanese Nationals” 

 

Japanese embassies and consulates are seeing a growing number of Japanese nationals with mental health problems on their jobs to protect Japanese nationals involved in troubles overseas. Not only Japanese people living overseas but also more and more Japanese travelers are becoming mentally unstable. The problems have a variety of causes including intercultural maladjustments, excessive tension coming from a long journey, and so forth. There are more serious cases where some people have developed posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as a result of encountering extraordinary happenings like terrorist attacks or large-scale disasters.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 3 June 11

 

Japanese Embassy Protects More and More Japanese People for Psychiatric Reasons.

 

Mental health problems have grown into a serious problem in Japanese Embassies and Consulates. Although a service of those offices includes supporting and protecting Japanese people who get involved in trouble overseas, more and more people, not only people living overseas but also travelers as well, are suffering from emotional malaise and need to help. For example, some people are not able to adapt to foreign countries because of difference from Japanese culture or others get shocked by many displacements because of tight travel schedules. There is more serious case that some people get PTSD (posttraumatic stress disorder) to come upon the accident sites such as a terrorism and large-scale natural disasters.

 

添削

 

Japanese Embassyies Take Care of1 Protects More and More Japanese People with for Psychiatric Mental Health Problems Reasons.

 

Mental health problems have grown into a serious problem in at Japanese Embassies and Consulates. Although a service of those offices2 provide services such as includes supporting and protecting Japanese people who get involved in trouble overseas, now they have to take care of more and more people, not only people living overseas but also travelers as well, who are suffering from emotional malaise and need to help. For example, some people are not able to adapt to foreign countries because of differencet from Japanese cultures, or while others become emotionally stressed get shocked by many displacements because of their tight travel schedules. Sometime, Tthere is are more serious cases when that some people get PTSD (posttraumatic stress disorder) because of3 to comeing upon the accident sites caused by such as a terrorism and large-scale natural disasters.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

protectI protect you from him.という構造になるので、ここではtake care ofがよいでしょう。

 

those officesを主語にしたが文が簡単になります。

 

既にbecause of ~という形式を使っているので、ここでも同じ形式にするとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japanese Embassies Take Care of More and More Japanese People with Mental Health Problems

 

Mental health problems have grown into a serious problem at Japanese Embassies and Consulates. Although those offices provide services such as supporting and protecting Japanese people who get involved in trouble overseas, now they have to take care of more and more people, not only people living overseas but also travelers as well, who are suffering from emotional malaise and need help. For example, some people are not able to adapt to foreign countries because of different cultures, while others become emotionally stressed because of their tight travel schedules. Sometime, there are more serious cases when some people get PTSD (posttraumatic stress disorder) because of coming upon  accident sites caused by terrorism and large-scale natural disasters.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 24 January 11

 

"Japanese Embassies Receive More and More Tourists with Mental Health Problems”

 

Japanese embassies and consulates support and protect Japanese people who get involved in trouble overseas. They are now dealing with more and more people with mental health problems. In many cases, tourists as well as those who live overseas feel mentally unstable. This is caused by a lot of factors such as maladjustment to a different culture and sudden awareness of being in a country totally different from Japan. In serious cases, some of them suffered from posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after they encountered a terrorist attack or a large-scale disaster.

 

添削

 

"Japanese Embassies Receive More and More Tourists with Mental Health Problems”

 

Japanese embassies and consulates support and protect Japanese people who get involved in trouble overseas. They are now dealing with more and more people with mental health problems. In many cases, tourists as well as those who live overseas feel become mentally unstable when they are exposed to1 . This is caused by a lot of factors such as maladjustments to a different culture and sudden awareness of being in a country totally different from Japan2. In serious cases, some of them suffered from posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after they happen to3 encountered a terrorist attack or a large-scale natural disaster.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。日本文の内容を整理して言い換えてあるのでわかりやすい構成になっています。

 

1.       二つの文をつないで因果関係を作るとよいでしょう。

 

2.       「移動ショック」が具体的にどんな状態を指すのか知りませんが、この解釈は説得力があります。

 

3.       文章の前半が現在形なので、ここも現在形で一般例としたほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Japanese Embassies Receive More and More Tourists with Mental Health Problems”

 

Japanese embassies and consulates support and protect Japanese people who get involved in trouble overseas. They are now dealing with more and more people with mental health problems. In many cases, tourists as well as those who live overseas become mentally unstable when they are exposed to factors such as maladjustments to a different culture and sudden awareness of being in a country totally different from Japan. In serious cases, some of them suffer from posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after they happen to encounter a terrorist attack or large-scale natural disaster.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、1 Nov 07

 

“Many Mentally Devastated Japanese are protected by Japanese Embassy abroad”

 

One of the works of Japanese Embassies and consular offices overseas is protection of Japanese nationals who need help and support because they get involved in troubles. Among those Japanese, some people seriously suffer from mental damages. Not only those who live abroad for a long time but also travelers become mentally unstable and develop illnesses. They are diagnosed as various illnesses from “maladjustment for different culture” to “displacement shock”. There are more serious cases of people who suffered from posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) due to encountering terrorist acts or large-scale natural disasters.

 

添削

 

“Many Mentally Devastated Unstable Japanese Ask are protected by Japanese Embassyies for Help1 abroad

 

One of the works responsibilities of Japanese Eembassies and consularte offices overseas is protection to of help Japanese nationals who need help and support because they get involved in troubles. Among those Japanese, sSome of them people seriously suffer from mental damages disorders2. Not only those who live abroad for a long time but also travelers become mentally unstable and develop illnesses. They are diagnosed as having various illnesses from “maladjustment for a different culture” to “displacement shock”. There are also more serious cases where of people who people suffered from posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) due to encountering terrorist acts or large-scale natural disasters.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

いろいろな程度の精神疾患があるので、ここでは一般的な表現がよいでしょう。

 

ここでmental damages (かなり重症を指します)とすると、以下の文章に出てくる例がすげてmental damagesの印象になるので、mental disordersぐらいがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Many Mentally Unstable Japanese Ask Japanese Embassies for Help ”

 

One of the responsibilities of Japanese embassies and consulate offices overseas is to help Japanese nationals who get involved in troubles. Some of them suffer from mental  disorders. Not only those who live abroad for a long time but also travelers become mentally unstable and develop illnesses. They are diagnosed as having various illnesses from “maladjustment for a different culture” to “displacement shock”. There are also more serious cases where people suffered from posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) due to encountering terrorist acts or large-scale natural disasters.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Ai, 10 Oct 03

 

“Japanese Embassies Take Care of an Increasing Number of People with Psychiatric Disorders”

 

The section of Japanese embassies that has a duty of protecting Japanese nationals overseas who are involved in troubles now have to take care of more and more people with psychiatric disorders including both those who live overseas but also who travel overseas. Travelers may develop psychiatric disorders triggered by many factors such as a cultural shock, and stress by a long journey. Some of them developed psychiatric disorders by post traumatic stress caused by encountering terrorism or a large-scale accident.

 

添削

 

“Japanese Embassies Take Care of an Increasing Number of People with Psychiatric Disorders”

 

The section of Japanese embassies that has a duty of protecting to protect Japanese nationals overseas who are become involved in troubles. now Now they1 have to take care of more and more people with psychiatric disorders2 including both those who live overseas but and also those3 who travel overseas. Travelers may develop psychiatric disorders triggered by many factors such as a cultural shock, and stress by from a the long journey. Some of them developed psychiatric disorders by due to post traumatic posttraumatic stress caused by after an incidence of encountering terrorism or a large-scale accident.

 

コメント

 

Aiさんは日本文の内容を整理して英文で表現しています。文章全体の内容を把握してから、英文で表現するときの内容を順序を考えています。このように日本文のひとつひとつの文の内容を英文で表現するのではなく、文章全体の内容を再構築すると英文で表現しやすくなります。

 

1.       長い文になるので二つに分けました。

 

2.       「メンタルヘルスの問題が深刻化している」を Mental health problems are becoming serious.というように直接表現しないで、具体的に They have to take care of more and more people with psychiatric disorders.と表現したのがよいですね。具体性のある表現が読者にわかりやすくなります。

 

3.       Those who~ and those who~と繰り返すと二組のグループの人たちがいるのだなとはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Japanese Embassies Take Care of an Increasing Number of People with Psychiatric Disorders”

 

Japanese embassies has a duty to protect Japanese nationals overseas who become involved in trouble. Now they have to take care of more and more people with psychiatric disorders including those who live overseas and also those who travel overseas. Travelers may develop psychiatric disorders triggered by many factors such as cultural shock, and stress from the long journey. Some of them developed psychiatric disorders due to posttraumatic stress after an incidence of encountering terrorism or a large-scale accident.

 

 

中級問題 87 「国際協力事業団のトップに緒方貞子氏を起用」

 

日本外交にとって最も有力な「武器」とされてきた途上国への政府開発援助(ODA)は、その効果が十分とは言えなかった。外務省はその点を改めるため、11年ぶりにODA大綱を改定した。また援助の中心的実施機関である国際協力事業団(JICA)のトップに緒方貞子氏の起用を決定した。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 26 May 12

 

"Ms. Ogata Appointed to the President of JICA “  

 

Japan's Official Development Assistance (ODA) program to developing countries has long been considered as the most powerful diplomatic leverage for the country. At the same time, the program has been criticized that it has not produced originally intended deliverables. In light of the criticism, the Foreign Ministry revised the ODA charter for the first time in 11 years. In addition, it decided to appoint Ms. Sadako Ogata to the top of the Japan International Cooperation Agency (JICA), an agency crucially important to implementing the aid programs

 

添削

 

"Ms. Ogata Appointed to the President of JICA “  

 

Japan's Official Development Assistance (ODA) pProgram to provide assistance to developing countries has long been considered as the most powerful diplomatic leverage of Japan for the country. At the same time, the program has been criticized that it has not produced originally intended deliverables. In light of the criticism, the Foreign Ministry revised the ODA charter for the first time in 11 years. In addition, it decided to appoint Ms. Sadako Ogata to the top of the Japan International Cooperation Agency (JICA), an the agency crucially important to the implementingation of the aid programs

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削語の文章

 

"Ms. Ogata Appointed to the President of JICA “  

 

Japan's Official Development Assistance (ODA) Program to provide assistance to developing countries has long been considered as the most powerful diplomatic leverage of Japan . At the same time, the program has been criticized that it has not produced originally intended deliverables. In light of the criticism, the Foreign Ministry revised the ODA charter for the first time in 11 years. In addition, it decided to appoint Ms. Sadako Ogata to the top of the Japan International Cooperation Agency (JICA), the agency crucially important to the implementation of  aid programs

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 3 June 11

 

"Ms Sadako Ogata is appointed as the president of JICA"

 

Official Development Assistance (ODA) that the Japanese foreign Ministry had offered an assistance to developing nations was considered the most important diplomatic policy, but they realized that its effectiveness was not enough. To improve ODA programs, the Ministry revised the general framework of ODA for the first time in eleven years and also decided to appoint Ms Sadako Ogata to the president of Japan International Cooperation Agency (JICA) that plays a central role of ODA as an implementing agency.

 

円策

 

"Ms Sadako Ogata is appointed as to the president of JICA"

 

Official Development Assistance (ODA) that tThe Japanese fForeign Ministry1 has had been  offering offered an assistance to developing nations under the Official Development Assistance Program. It was considered as one of2 the most important diplomatic programs policy,. bBut the Foreign Ministry they realized that the program was not as its effectiveness as they had hoped3 was not enough. To improve the ODA Pprograms, the Ministry revised the general framework of ODA for the first time in eleven years and also decided to appoint Ms Sadako Ogata to the president of the Japan International Cooperation Agency (JICA) that plays a central role for of the ODA Program as its main an implementing agency.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       プログラムの主体を主語にしたほうが、「誰が何をする」というパターンになるので、内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       「最も有力な」が実際に一番有力であればthe most important thingとなりますが、「最も有力な」が修飾的な意味で使われていて、実際には「とても有力な」であれば、英語表現ではone of the most important thingsという表現になります。

 

3.       not as effective as they hoped (wished)という表現がよくつかわれます。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Ms Sadako Ogata is appointed to the president of JICA"

 

The Japanese Foreign Ministry has been offering assistance to developing nations under the Official Development Assistance Program. It was considered as one of the most important diplomatic programs. But the Foreign Ministry realized that the program was not as effective as they had hoped. To improve the ODA Program, the Ministry revised the general framework of ODA for the first time in eleven years and also decided to appoint Ms Sadako Ogata to the president of the Japan International Cooperation Agency (JICA) that plays a central role for the ODA Program as its main implementing agency.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 24 January 11

 

"Ms. Sadako Okada Named as President of Japan International Cooperation Agency”

 

Official development assistance (ODA) is one of the most powerful instruments for Japan’s diplomacy but so far it hasn’t worked effectively. To increase the effectiveness of ODA, the Foreign Ministry revised ODA guidelines for the first time in eleven years and also decided to name Ms. Sadako Ogata as president of Japan International Cooperation Agency (JICA), a major institution for overseas aid.

 

添削

 

"Ms. Sadako Okada Named as President of Japan International Cooperation Agency”

 

Official development assistance (ODA) is one of the most powerful instruments for Japan’s diplomacy but so far it hasn’t worked effectively. To increase the effectiveness of ODA, the Foreign Ministry revised ODA guidelines for the first time in eleven years and also decided to name Ms. Sadako Ogata as president of Japan International Cooperation Agency (JICA), a major institution for overseas aid.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Ms. Sadako Okada Named as President of Japan International Cooperation Agency”

 

Official development assistance (ODA) is one of the most powerful instruments for Japan’s diplomacy but so far hasn’t worked effectively. To increase the effectiveness of ODA, the Foreign Ministry revised ODA guidelines for the first time in eleven years and also decided to name Ms. Sadako Ogata as president of Japan International Cooperation Agency (JICA), a major institution for overseas aid.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、2 November 07

 

‘Ms. Ogata Appointed as the Top of Japan International Cooperation Agency”

 

Official development assistance (ODA), which was supposed to be the most powerful diplomatic measure for Japan, has not worked fully effectively. To improve this situation, the Foreign Ministry revised the general framework of ODA for the first time in eleven years. The ministry also decided to appoint Ms. Sadako Ogata as the director of Japan International Cooperation Agency (JICA) which played the central role in assistance activities.

 

添削

 

‘Ms. Ogata Appointed as to the Top of Japan International Cooperation Agency”

 

Official development assistance (ODA), which was is supposed to be the most powerful diplomatic measure for Japan, has not worked fully effectively. To improve this situation, the Foreign Ministry revised the general framework of for ODA programs for the first time in eleven years. The ministry also decided to appoint Ms. Sadako Ogata to as the director of the Japan International Cooperation Agency (JICA) which played the central role in providing ODA to other countries assistance activities.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。The ministry appointed Ms. Sadako Ogata to as the director of the Japan International Cooperation Agency (JICA).をキーセンテンスにして文章の始めに置いたほうがよいとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

‘Ms. Ogata Appointed to the Top of Japan International Cooperation Agency”

 

Official development assistance (ODA), which is supposed to be the most powerful diplomatic measure for Japan, has not worked fully effectively. To improve this situation, the Foreign Ministry revised the general framework for ODA programs for the first time in eleven years. The ministry also decided to appoint Ms. Sadako Ogata to the director of the Japan International Cooperation Agency (JICA) which played the central role in providing ODA to other countries .

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Yumi, 15 Oct 03

 

“The Government of Japan Appoints Mrs. Sadako Ogata to the Top Post of Japan International Cooperation Agency”

 

Official development aid has been regarded as a major instrument of Japan’s diplomacy but it has not been so effective in the past. The government revised the principles of JICA for the first time in eleven years and appointed Mrs. Sadako Ogata to the top post of Japan International Cooperation Agency (JICA), a central agency for Japan’s official development aid programs for developing countries. The appointment of Mrs. Ogata is part of government effort to improve the effectiveness of the programs.

 

添削

 

“The Government of Japan Appoints Mrs. Sadako Ogata to the Top Post of the Japan International Cooperation Agency”

 

Official development aid has been regarded as1 a major instrument of Japan’s diplomacy but it has not been so that effective in the past. The government has recently2 revised the principles of JICA for the first time in eleven years and appointed Mrs. Sadako Ogata to the top post of the Japan International Cooperation Agency (JICA), a central agency for Japan’s official development aid programs for developing countries. The appointment of Mrs. Ogata isThese measures are3 part of the government’s effort to improve the effectiveness of the programs.

 

添削

 

1.       「日本外交にとって最も有力な「武器」とされてきた途上国への政府開発援助(ODA)は」は日本文の構造の特徴である長い修飾節のついた主語です。このようなときには修飾節のついた主語を一つの独立した英文で表現できますね。

 

2.       現在完了形にしてつい最近の出来事であることを強調しました。

 

3.       大綱の改定と緒方貞子氏の起用の両方が関係していると思います。

 

添削後の文章

 

“The Government of Japan Appoints Mrs. Sadako Ogata to the Top Post of the Japan International Cooperation Agency”

 

Official development aid has been a major instrument of Japan’s diplomacy but it has not been that effective in the past. The government has recently revised the principles of JICA for the first time in eleven years and appointed Mrs. Sadako Ogata to the top post of the Japan International Cooperation Agency (JICA), a central agency for Japan’s official development aid programs for developing countries. These measures are part of the government’s effort to improve the effectiveness of the programs.

 

 

中級問題 88 「西部池袋線で脱線事故」

 

9月16日午後4時10分ごろ、東京都練馬区の西武池袋線大泉学園−保谷間にある踏切で、普通電車が進入してきた2トントラックと接触、先頭車両が脱線した。運転士や乗客にけがはなかった。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 3 June 12

 

"Derailment on Seibu Ikebukuro Line”  

 

Around 4:10 p.m. on September 16, a local train on the Seibu Ikebukuro line collided with a 2-ton truck coming into at a railroad crossing between Oizumi station and Hoya station in Nerima Ward, Tokyo. The first car of train derailed. Fortunately, neither passengers nor the train driver was injured.

 

添削

 

"Derailment on a Train on the Seibu Ikebukuro Line”  

 

Around 4:10 p.m. on September 16, a local train on the Seibu Ikebukuro line collided with a 2-ton truck coming into at a railroad crossing between Oizumi station and Hoya station in Nerima Ward, Tokyo. The first car of train derailed. Fortunately, neither passengers nor the train driver was were injured.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Derailment on a Train on the Seibu Ikebukuro Line”  

 

Around 4:10 p.m. on September 16, a local train on the Seibu Ikebukuro line collided with a 2-ton truck coming into at a railroad crossing between Oizumi station and Hoya station in Nerima Ward, Tokyo. The first car of train derailed. Fortunately, neither passengers nor the train driver were injured.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 5 June 11

 

Derailment Accident happened on Seibu Ikebukuro Line

 

At about 4:10 p.m. on September 16, a regular train hit a two ton truck at a grade crossing between Oizumigakuen Station and Hoya Station on Seibu Ikebukuro Line in Nerima Ward, Tokyo. As a result, the first car of the train went off the track, luckily the train driver and the passengers did not have any injuries.

 

添削

 

Derailment Accident happened on the Seibu Ikebukuro Line

 

At about 4:10 p.m. on September 16, a regular train hit a two ton truck at a grade crossing between Oizumigakuen Station and Hoya Station on the Seibu Ikebukuro Line in Nerima Ward, Tokyo. As a result, the first car of the train went off the track, but luckily neither the train driver nor any and of the passengers received did not have any injuries.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       neither A nor Bを使うとネガティブであったこと(けがをしなかったこと)を強調できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Derailment Accident on the Seibu Ikebukuro Line

 

At about 4:10 p.m. on September 16, a regular train hit a two ton truck at a grade crossing between Oizumigakuen Station and Hoya Station on the Seibu Ikebukuro Line in Nerima Ward, Tokyo. As a result, the first car of the train went off the track, but luckily neither the train driver nor any of the passengers received any injuries.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 28 January 11

 

"A Train Derailed on Seibu Ikebukuro Line”

 

At 4:10 p.m. on September 16, a Seibu Ikebukuro Line train derailed at a railroad crossing between Oizumi-Gakuen and Houya, Nerima Ward, Tokyo. The local train hit a two-ton truck at the crossing and the first car of the train derailed, but no one was injured.

 

添削

 

"A Train Derailed on Seibu Ikebukuro Line”

 

At 4:10 p.m. on September 16, a Seibu Ikebukuro Line train derailed at a railroad crossing between Oizumi-Gakuen and Houya, Nerima Ward, Tokyo. The local train hit a two-ton truck at the crossing and the first car of the train derailed, but no one was injured.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、3 November 07

 

“A Train Derailed on Seibu-Ikebukuro Line”

 

Around 4:10 p.m. on September 14th, a train on Seibu-Ikebukuro Line derailed at the railroad crossing between Ooizumigakuen and Houya in Nerima Ward, Tokyo. The local train collided with a two-ton truck which was coming into the railroad crossing and then the first car of the train derailed. The accident caused no injuries among the passengers and the driver.

 

添削

 

“A Train Derailed on Seibu-Ikebukuro Line”

 

Around 4:10 p.m. on September 14th, a train on the Seibu-Ikebukuro Lline derailed at a the railroad crossing between Ooizumigakuen and Houya Station in Nerima Ward, Tokyo. The local train collided with a two-ton truck which was coming into the railroad crossing and then the first car of the train derailed. The accident caused no injuries among the passengers and the driver of the train.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“A Train Derailed on Seibu-Ikebukuro Line”

 

Around 4:10 p.m. on September 14th, a train on the Seibu-Ikebukuro line derailed at a  railroad crossing between Ooizumigakuen and Houya Station in Nerima Ward, Tokyo. The local train collided with a two-ton truck which was coming into the railroad crossing and then the first car of the train derailed. The accident caused no injuries among the passengers and the driver of the train.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Yamada, 10 Oct 03

 

“A Derailment Accident at Seibu Ikebukuro Line”

 

At 4:10 pm on September 16, a regular Seibu-Ikbukuro Line passenger train hit a two-ton truck and the leading car went out of track at a grade crossing between Oizumi-Gakuen Station and Houya Station in Nerima Ward, Tokyo, but neither the driver or passengers of the train was hurt.

 

添削

 

“A Derailment Accident at Seibu Ikebukuro Line”

 

At about 4:10 pm on September 16, a regular Seibu-Ikbukuro Line passenger train hit a two-ton truck and the leading car went out of track at a grade crossing between Oizumi-Gakuen Station and Houya Station of Seibu-Ikebukuro Line in Nerima Ward, Tokyo1., The leading car of the train derailed2 but neither the driver or passengers of the train was were hurt.

 

コメント

 

1.       長い文章なので二つに分けました。「先頭車両が脱線が運転士や乗客に怪我はなかった。」というように連結するとわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       「東京都練馬区の西武池袋線大泉学園−保谷間にある踏切」という地名の連続を英語で正確に表現する必要がありますね。英語では近いところから遠いところへ、小さなものから大きなものへならべる、という日本語と逆の順序になります。英文の順序は「踏み切り、大泉学園―保谷間、西武池袋線、練馬、東京」になります。

 

 

添削後の文章

 

“A Derailment Accident at Seibu Ikebukuro Line”

 

At about 4:10 pm on September 16, a regular passenger train hit a two-ton truck at a grade crossing between Oizumi-Gakuen Station and Houya Station of Seibu-Ikebukuro Line in Nerima Ward, Tokyo. The leading car of the train derailed but neither the driver or passengers of the train were hurt.

 

 

中級問題 89 「マイクロソフトが安全性の高いパソコンを開発予定」

 

マイクロソフトは9月11日、ウイルスや不正侵入に対する防御機能を大幅に強化したパソコンを開発する方針を明らかにした。早ければ2005年に発売する次期基本ソフトウエアに、インテルと共同開発している専用CPUを組み合わせて作る。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 3 June 12

 

"Microsoft to Develop PCs with Enhanced Safeguards” 

 

Microsoft announced on September 11 that the company is going to develop personal computers with significantly enhanced safeguards against computer viruses and hackers. The company plans to launch the new computers as early as 2005 by combining the next version of its OS with a dedicated hardware it is jointly developing with Intel Corporation.

 

添削

 

"Microsoft to Develop PCs with Enhanced Safeguards Security 

 

Microsoft announced on September 11 that the company is going to develop personal computers with significantly enhanced safeguards security against computer viruses and hackers. The company plans to launch the new computers as early as 2005 by combining the next version of its OS with a dedicated hardware it is jointly developing with Intel Corporation.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Microsoft to Develop PCs with Enhanced Security” 

 

Microsoft announced on September 11 that the company is going to develop personal computers with significantly enhanced security against computer viruses and hackers. The company plans to launch the new computers as early as 2005 by combining the next version of its OS with a dedicated hardware it is jointly developing with Intel Corporation.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 5 June 11

 

Microsoft Develops a New Personal Computer with Highly Enhanced Security Function.

 

On September 11, Microsoft announced to plan on developing a personal computer with highly enhanced security function against computer viruses and hackings. The computer will combine with a dedicated CPU developed in conjunction with Intel to next version's basic software, which will start to release in 2005 at the earliest.

 

添削

 

Microsoft Develops a New Personal Computer with Highly Enhanced Security Functions.

 

On September 11, Microsoft announced to a plan to on developing a personal computer with highly enhanced security functions against computer viruses and hackings. The computer will combine with a dedicated CPU developed in conjunction with Intel to a next version's of the basic operating system software, which that is expected will start to be released in as early as 2005 at the earliest with a CPU that Microsoft has been developing with Intel1.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、二番目の文が分かり難いです。

 

1.       The computer will combine a new program with a new CPU. というのが基本形ですね。この形を保ったままでa new programa new CPUの内容をthat節で説明するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Microsoft Develops a New Personal Computer with Highly Enhanced Security Functions.

 

On September 11, Microsoft announced a plan to develop a personal computer with highly enhanced security functions against computer viruses and hackings. The computer will combine a next version of the basic operating system that is expected to be released in as early as 2005 with a CPU that Microsoft has been developing with Intel.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 28 January 11

 

"Microsoft Plans to Develop a Personal Computer with Safe and Secure Software”

 

Microsoft plans to develop a personal computer with an enhanced function of blocking computer virus and illegal access, the corporation announced on September 11. The computer will incorporate a special CPU jointly developed with Intel into its latest operating system, which will be released as early as 2005.

 

添削

 

"Microsoft Plans to Develop a Personal Computer with Improved Security Measures Safe and Secure Software

 

Microsoft plans to develop a personal computer with an enhanced function of blocking computer viruses and illegal access, the corporation announced on September 11. The computer will incorporate a special CPU jointly developed with Intel into its latest operating system, which will be released as early as 2005.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Microsoft Plans to Develop a Personal Computer with Improved Security Measures ”

 

Microsoft plans to develop a personal computer with an enhanced function of blocking computer viruses and illegal access, the corporation announced on September 11. The computer will incorporate a special CPU jointly developed with Intel into its latest operating system, which will be released as early as 2005.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、5 November 07

 

“Microsoft Plans to Develop a Safer Personal Computer against Viruses and Illegal Accesses

 

On September 11th, Microsoft announced that it was planning to develop a new personal computer which was significantly strengthened against computer viruses and illegal accesses. The personal computer will be consist of the next version of the basic software, which will be on sale in 2005 at the earliest, and a special CPU which is now being developed together with Intel.

 

添削

 

“Microsoft Plans to Develop a Safer Personal Computer against Viruses and Illegal Accesses

 

On September 11th, Microsoft announced that it was planning to develop a new personal computer which was would be significantly strengthened against computer viruses and illegal accesses. The personal computer will be consist of the next version of the basic operation system software, which will be on sale in 2005 at the earliest, and a special CPU which is now being developed together with Intel.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Microsoft Plans to Develop a Safer Personal Computer against Viruses and Illegal Access

 

On September 11th, Microsoft announced that it was planning to develop a new personal computer which would be significantly strengthened against computer viruses and illegal access. The personal computer will consist of the next version of the basic operation system, which will be on sale in 2005 at the earliest, and a special CPU which is now being developed with Intel.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(June, 18 Oct 03

 

“Microsoft Plans to Develop a Computer with High Security”

 

On September 11, Microsoft revealed policy to develop a computer with highly improved security measures again computer viruses and illegal access. The computer will be made by combining a new operating system software that Microsoft may start shipping as early as 2005 with a special CPU that Microsoft and Intel have been jointly developing.

 

添削

 

“Microsoft Plans to Develop a Computer with High Security”

 

On September 11, Microsoft revealed policy a plan1 to develop a personal computer with highly improved security measures again computer viruses and illegal access. The computer will be made by combining combine2 a new operating system software that Microsoft may start shipping as early as 2005 with a special CPU that Microsoft and Intel have been jointly developing.

 

コメント

 

 一見難しいそうな内容の日本文ですが、内容がはっきりしているので、Juneさんのように内容に沿って英文で表現すればそれほど難しくありませんね。

 

1.       「開発する方針を明らかにした」ですが、policyだと会社の包括的な方針になるので(そうあって欲しいですが)、ここでは単にa planでよいと思います。

 

2.       The computer will combine ~だけで簡単に表現しても内容はわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Microsoft Plans to Develop a Computer with High Security”

 

On September 11, Microsoft revealed a plan to develop a personal computer with highly improved security measures again computer viruses and illegal access. The computer will  combine new operating system software that Microsoft may start shipping as early as 2005 with a special CPU that Microsoft and Intel have been jointly developing.

 

 

中級問題 90 「インターネットでホテルや旅館の予約」

 

インターネットを通じてホテルや旅館などの宿泊予約を仲介するサービスが広がっている。ホテルや旅館が宿泊予約サイトに払う手数料は宿泊料の6%程度が一般的で、既存旅行会社への4割程度のため、宿泊料が安く設定出来る。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 3 June 12

 

"Hotel Reservation through the Internet” 

 

There is a growing popularity of an intermediary service to make the accommodations at hotels/inns through the Internet. Generally, the clients (hotels and inns) pay a commission of about 6% on their accommodation charges to the web site. The commission is about 60% less than a commission payable to conventional travel agencies, thus enabling the hotels/inns to set lower accommodation charges for their web customers.

 

添削

 

"Hotel Reservation through on the Internet” 

 

There is a growing popularity of an intermediary services to make the accommodations at hotels/inns reservations through on the Internet on behalf of travelers. Generally, the clients of the services (hotels and inns) pay a commission of about 6% of on their accommodation charges to the intermediary service companies  web site. The This commission is about 60% less than a commission payable to conventional travel agencies, thus enabling the hotels/inns to set lower accommodation charges for their web customers making reservations on the Internet.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかりますが、旅館、仲介業者、旅行者の関係をはっきりさせるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Hotel Reservation on the Internet” 

 

There is a growing popularity of intermediary services to make hotels/inns reservations on the Internet on behalf of travelers. Generally, the clients of the services (hotels and inns) pay a commission of about 6% of their accommodation charges to the intermediary service companies. This commission is about 60% less than a commission payable to conventional travel agencies, thus enabling the hotels/inns to set lower accommodation charges for their customers making reservations on the Internet.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 5 June 11

 

Making a Hotel and Inn Reservation Through the Internet

 

Making a hotel and inn reservation through the Internet is becoming popular. Intermediate agents has opened many hotel sites on the Internet. Regarding agent's commission when hotels and inns use the Internet or traditional travel agents to get a guest, they generally pay six percent of the accommodation fee to an intermediate agent on the Internet. On the other hand, they have to pay forty percent of the accommodation fee to a traditional travel agent.  Hotels and inns came to be able to set more reasonable room price for their guests through the Internet.

 

添削

 

Making a Hotel and Inn Reservation Through the Internet

 

Making a hotel and inn reservation through the Internet is becoming popular. Intermediate Travel agents agencies have has opened many hotel reservation sites on the Internet. Regarding agent's commission when hHotels and inns use the Internet or traditional travel agents to get a guest, they generally pay six percent of their accommodation fees to those new types of travel agencies for Internet reservations  to an intermediate agent on the Internet. On the other hand, while they have to pay forty percent of the accommodation fee to a to traditional travel agent agencies1.  Thus, Hhotels and inns are came to be able to set cheaper more reasonable room prices for their guests through the Internet reservations.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       Regarding agent's commission when hotels and inns use the Internet or traditional travel agents to get a guestを省略したほうが内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Making a Hotel and Inn Reservation Through the Internet

 

Making a hotel and inn reservation through the Internet is becoming popular. New types of travel agencies have opened many hotel reservation sites on the Internet. Hotels and inns  generally pay six percent of their accommodation fees to those new types of travel agencies for Internet reservations while they have to pay forty percent to traditional travel agencies.  Thus, hotels and inns are able to set cheaper room prices for their guests through Internet reservations.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 31 January 11

 

"Online Reservations for Hotels”

 

Now, online agencies handling hotel reservations are growing in popularity. Usually, hotels have to pay a forty-percent commission of their room rate to traditional travel agencies but only four percent to online agencies. This enables hotels to offer lower room rates through these online agencies.

 

添削

 

"Online Reservations for Hotels”

 

Now, Internet online agencies handling hotel reservations are growing in popularity. Usually, hotels have to pay a forty-percent commission of their room rate to traditional travel agencies. Bbut1 the commission only four percent to online agencies is only four percent. As a result, online reservation This enables hotels to offer lower room rates than traditional reservation through these online agencies.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       投稿のままで内容はわかりますが、Usuallyが文全体にかかるようもとれます。添削のように二つに分けて相違を強調するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Online Reservations for Hotels”

 

Now, Internet online agencies handling hotel reservations are growing in popularity. Usually, hotels have to pay a forty-percent commission of their room rate to traditional travel agencies. But the commission to online agencies is only four percent. As a result, online reservation enables hotels to offer lower room rates than traditional reservation .

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、6 November 07

 

“Reservation for Hotels through the Internet”

 

Making reservations for Hotels through the Internet is now popular. Intermediate agencies for hotel accommodations are running websites. When hotels use the conventional travel agencies to get guests, they have had to pay the travel agencies about 40 percent of the accommodation fees as the intermediation fees, but when hotels use the intermediate agencies on the Internet, they generally pay only 6 percent of the accommodation fee to the intermediate agencies on the Internet. So, this allows hotels to set cheaper accommodation fees for the customers.

 

添削

 

“Reservation for Hotels through the Internet”

 

Making reservations for Hhotels through the Internet is now popular. Intermediate agencies for hotel accommodations are running websites. When hotels use the conventional travel agencies to get guests, they have had to pay the travel agencies about 40 percent of the accommodation fees as the intermediation fees, but when hotels use the intermediate agencies on the Internet, they generally pay only 6 percent of the accommodation fee to the intermediate agencies on the Internet. So, this allows hotels to set cheaper accommodation fees for the customers.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。仲介手数料に随分と差があるものですね。ホテルや旅館で自分のウェブサイトで予約受付をしているところもありますが、どういうわけかウェブに掲載している空き室には日本でもカナダでも制限があります。それで私は直接ホテルや旅館に電話をかけて予約しますが、カナダでは予約の時点でクレディット番号を渡し、予約取り消しの時は取消料を取られます。私の経験では日本の旅館は氏名と電話番号を聞くだけのところが多いですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Reservation for Hotels through the Internet”

 

Making reservations for hotels through the Internet is now popular. Intermediate agencies for hotel accommodations are running websites. When hotels use the conventional travel agencies to get guests, they have to pay the travel agencies about 40 percent of the accommodation fee as the intermediation fee, but when hotels use the intermediate agencies on the Internet, they generally pay only 6 percent of the accommodation fee to the intermediate agencies on the Internet. So, this allows hotels to set cheaper accommodation fees for the customers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(セイジ、18 Oct 03

 

“Making Hotel and Inn Reservation on the Internet”

 

Services offering hotel and inn reservations on the Internet are becoming more and more popular. Internet reservation companies charge hotels and inns about 6 percent of room price as a commission, while travel agencies charge about 40 percent. Thus, hotels and inns can set room prices much cheaper when they use Internet reservation companies than travel agencies.

 

添削

 

“Making Hotel and Inn Reservation on the Internet”

 

Services offering hotel and inn reservations on the Internet are becoming more and more popular. Internet reservation companies charge1 hotels and inns about 6 percent of the room price as a commission, while travel agencies charge about 40 percent. Thus, hotels and inns can set room prices much cheaper when they use Internet reservation companies than when they travel agencies2.

 

コメント

 

1.       セイジさんは仲介サービスを主語にしています。日本文の内容のままにホテル、旅館を主語にするより内容をわかりやすくなると思います。

 

2.       「宿泊料が安く設定出来る」は日本文では文章の最後にあり、文脈から内容がわかります。英文では独立した文になっているので、セイジさんのように内容を補足して説明するのがよいと思います。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Making Hotel and Inn Reservation on the Internet”

 

Services offering hotel and inn reservations on the Internet are becoming more and more popular. Internet reservation companies charge1 hotels and inns about 6 percent of the room price as a commission, while travel agencies charge about 40 percent. Thus, hotels and inns can set room prices much cheaper when they use Internet reservation companies than when they travel agencies2.