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中級練習問題の添削 71−80

 

練習問題 71 「コンベニエンスストアでごみの不法投棄」(26 Sept 03) (1 Oct 07)

(2 Feb 10) (14 Jan 11) (28 April 11) (12 March 12)

練習問題 72 「宮城県が新型肺炎の専用病棟を計画」(2 Oct 03) (3 Oct 07) (24 Dec 10)

(28 April 11) (13 March 12)

練習問題 73 「仙台市でモータライゼーションが進行」(9 Oct 03) (5 Oct 07) (6 Jan 11)

(20 March 12)

練習問題 74 「長野県の県施設が全面禁止」(26 Sept 03) (6 Sept 07) (6 Jan 11)

(28 April 11) (20 March 12)

練習問題 75 「長野県内でタヌキの交通事故死が増加」(16 Oct 03) (7 Oct 07) (6 Jan 11)

(Lucca, 14 May 11) (20 March 12)

練習問題 76 「虎フィーバーでホテル業界が潤う」(27 Sept 03) (7 Oct 07) (12 Jan 11)

(Lucca, 14 May 11) (27 March 12)

練習問題 77 「台風14号が宮古島に接近」(2 Oct 03) (27 Sept 07) (8 Oct 07)

(16 May 11) (27 March 12)

練習問題 78 「出雲大社遺跡の巨大柱の年代測定」(27 Sept 03) (9 Oct 07) (12 Jan 11)

(17 May 11) (27 March 12)

練習問題 79 「自宅ポストに現金」(9 Oct 03) (11 Oct 07) (14 Jan 11) (18 May 11)

(5 May 12)

練習問題 80 「浜名湖がスロースリップを開始」(17 Oct 03) (21 Oct 07) (15 Jan 11)

(20 May 11) (5 May 12)

 

練習問題 71 「コンベニエンスストアでごみの不法投棄

 

東北各地のコンビニエンスストアが、ごみの不法投棄に悲鳴を上げている。家庭の生ごみなどが捨てられるのは日常茶飯事。使わなくなった電気器具まで捨てられるという。夜中でも車を使って捨てに行けることが、安易なごみ投棄につながっている。捨てられるコンビニ側はたまったものではないが、「それでもまあ、お客さんだから」と、強い対応を取れずにいる。

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 12 March 12

 

"Illegal Dumping of Waste at Convenience Stores” 

 

Convenience stores in the Tohoku district are crying out for help against illegal dumping of waste at their sites. Some local residents discard their kitchen garbage almost every day and even obsolete appliances at times. Apparently, the easy access to the stores allowed by a short ride on a car at night keeps them continuing the illegal dumping. Used as convenient garbage dumps, convenience stores are suffering a great deal, but are hesitant to take hardline posture towards those neighbors from hell for fear of losing customers.

 

添削

 

"Illegal Dumping of Waste at Convenience Stores” 

 

Convenience stores in the Tohoku district are crying out for help against illegal dumping of waste at their sites. Some local residents discard their kitchen garbage almost every day and even obsolete appliances at times in front of the convenience stores1. Apparently, the easy access to the stores allowed by a short ride on a car at night keeps them continuing the illegal dumping. Used as convenient garbage dumps, convenience stores are suffering a great deal, but are hesitant to take a tough hardline posture towards those customers neighbors from hell for fear of losing them customers.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       具体的にコンベニのどこにゴミを置いていくのかわかりませんが、ここのなにか場所をいれたほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Illegal Dumping of Waste at Convenience Stores” 

 

Convenience stores in the Tohoku district are crying out for help against illegal dumping of waste at their sites. Some local residents discard their kitchen garbage almost every day and even obsolete appliances at times in front of the convenience stores. Apparently, the easy access to the stores allowed by a short ride on a car at night keeps them continuing the illegal dumping. Used as convenient garbage dumps, convenience stores are suffering a great deal, but are hesitant to take a tough posture towards those customers for fear of losing them.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 28 April 11

 

Illegal Waste-deposal Problem in the Convenience Stores in Tohoku Region

 

The convenience stores in Tohoku various regions have a serious problem.  The stores are suffering from people who throw away their wastes illegally such as food wastes and unused home appliances. Using their cars make them easier to throw away their wastes.  

 

The convenience stores are deeply disturbed by those people, but the stores can't make a plan to reduce the waste problem because of "the costumer is always right"view of Japanese bossiness.

 

添削

 

Illegal Waste-deposal Disposal Problems in at the Convenience Stores in the Tohoku Region

 

The cConvenience stores in the Tohoku various regions1 have a serious problem.  The stores are suffering from people who throw away their wastes2 illegally disposed such as food wastes and unused home appliances at their stores. Using a their cars make it them easier for people to throw away their wastes at the convenience stores.  

 

The convenience stores are deeply disturbed by those people, but the stores can't make a plan to reduce the waste problem because of "the costumer is always right " view of Japanese bossiness.

 

コメント

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

「東北各地の」とありますが、英文ではin the Tohoku regionでよいでしょう。

 

不法投棄する人に悩まされているのですが、英文は具体的な不法投棄物に悩まされている、としたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Illegal Waste Disposal Problems at the Convenience Stores in the Tohoku Region

 

Convenience stores in the Tohoku region have a serious problem. The stores are suffering from wastes illegally disposed such as food wastes and unused home appliances at their stores. Using a car make it easier for people to throw away their wastes at the convenience stores.  

 

The convenience stores are deeply disturbed by those people, but the stores can't make a plan to reduce the waste problem because of "the costumer is always right " view of Japanese bossiness.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Kalo, 14 January 11

 

"Illegal dumping of Garbage at Convenience Store”

 

Convenience stores in the Tohoku region are overwhelmed with illegal dumping of garbage. In the stores’ trash box, kitchen garbage or even abandoned home appliances are left. This is because people can drive to the store in the middle of night to dump their garbage. The convenience stores are worried about the illegal dumping but can’t take tough measures against it, saying that they are still their customers.

 

添削

 

"Illegal dumping Dumping of Garbage at Convenience Stores

 

Convenience stores in the Tohoku region are overwhelmed with illegal dumping of garbage. In the stores’ trash box, kitchen garbage or even abandoned home appliances are left by their customers. This is because people can drive to the store in the middle of night to leave dump their garbage. The convenience stores are worried about the illegal dumping but can’t take tough measures against it, saying that they are still their customers.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。読みやすい文章です。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Illegal Dumping of Garbage at Convenience Stores”

 

Convenience stores in the Tohoku region are overwhelmed with illegal dumping of garbage. In the stores’ trash box, kitchen garbage or even abandoned home appliances are left by their customers. This is because people can drive to the store in the middle of night to leave  their garbage. The convenience stores are worried about the illegal dumping but can’t take tough measures against it, saying that they are still their customers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(あすか、2 February 10

 

"Illegal Dumping of Waste at Convenience Stores”

 

Most convenience stores in Tohoku are troubled with illegal dumping by local residents. There is dumped kitchen garbage almost every day and sometimes even bulk trash in their dumps. Even in the middle of the night some people drive to the store to dump their garbage. The ease with which they can throw away their garbage may bring on this trouble. However, the convenience stores keep their tempers without demand response actions because they are also their customers.

 

添削

 

"Illegal Dumping of Wastes at Convenience Stores”

 

Most convenience stores in the Tohoku district1 are troubled with illegal dumping of wastes2 by local residents. They leave There is dumped kitchen garbage in the parking lot3 of a nearby convenience store almost every day and sometimes leave even bulk trash such as old electric appliances in their dumps. It is so easy to leave wastes at a convenience store4. Even in the middle of the night some people can drive there to the store to dump their garbage wastes. The ease with which they can throw away their garbage may bring on this trouble. However, For convenience stores, it costs an extra time and effort to get rid of these unwanted wastes5. However, they the convenience stores keep their tempers without taking any drastic demand response actions against those who dump wastes because they are also nevertheless their customers.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますがwithout demand response actionsのところがわかりません。without demanding their customers take responsible behaviorsのことですか?

 

1.       この講座の英作文の文章は日本の事情をあまり知らない英語圏の読者を対象にした文章という想定なのでTohokuだけでは分かり難いのでin the Tohoku districtとするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       ゴミの表現はいろいろありますが、ここでは生ゴミと粗大ゴミの両方を含むゴミ全体をwastesとして台所の生ゴミをkitchen garbageにしました。

 

3.       東京のコンベニですと、パーキング上もゴミ箱も置いてないので、このような問題はないのかもしれません。さて、どこのゴミを置いていくのかわかりませんが、パーキング場の片隅にでも置いていくのではないかという想定にしました。コンベニに大きなゴミ箱がおいてあるのなら、in the waste box, in the garbage boxとでも表現したらよいとおもいます。

 

4.       この文を前に置くと次との関連がよくなるでしょう。

 

5.       どうしてゴミの不法投棄が問題なのかの補足説明を入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Illegal Dumping of Wastes at Convenience Stores”

 

Most convenience stores in the Tohoku district are troubled with illegal dumping of wastes by local residents. They leave kitchen garbage in the parking lot of a nearby convenience store almost every day and sometimes leave even bulk trash such as old electric appliances. It is so easy to leave wastes at a convenience store. Even in the middle of the night some people can drive there to dump their wastes. For convenience stores, it costs an extra time and effort to get rid of these unwanted wastes. However, they keep their tempers without taking any drastic actions against those who dump wastes because they are nevertheless their customers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、1 October 07

 

"Illegal Garbage Abandon into Convenience Store's Garbage Box"

 

Convenience stores in Tohoku Region, northern part of Japan, are suffering from garbage which people abandon illegally in the shores’ garbage box. Not only kitchen refuse and litters but also appliances which are no longer used have been abandoned. Easiness that people can drive to the stores and throw the garbage away even in the midnight allows this immoral abandon. The convenience stores are annoyed a lot, but they cannot take hard action against it because they are afraid of loosing their customers.

 

添削

 

"Illegal Garbage Abandon1 Dumping into Convenience Store's Garbage Boxes"

 

Convenience stores in the Tohoku Rregion, northern part of Japan, are suffering from garbage which people abandon illegally in at the shores’ stores’ garbage boxes. Not only kitchen refuse and litters but also appliances which are no longer used have been abandoned. Easiness that pPeople can drive to the stores and throw the garbage away at night even in the midnight allows this immoral abandon2. The convenience stores are annoyed a lot, but they cannot take hard actions against it because they are afraid of losing loosing their customers.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容はわかりますが、ミススペリングがありますね。

 

1.       abandonに名詞もありますが、一般的には放棄の意味には使いません。

 

2.       People can ~とあるので、このように省略してよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Illegal Garbage 1Dumping into Convenience Stores’ Garbage Boxes"

 

Convenience stores in the Tohoku region, northern part of Japan, are suffering from garbage which people abandon illegally at the stores’ garbage boxes. Not only kitchen refuse and litters but also appliances which are no longer used have been abandoned. People can drive to the stores and throw the garbage away at night. The convenience stores are annoyed a lot but cannot take hard actions against it because they are afraid of losing their customers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Yokko, 26 Sept 03

 

“Illegal Dumping of Wastes at Convenience Stores”

 

The convenience stores in the Tohoku region are crying out for help to stop illegal dumping of wastes at their stores. Kitchen wastes are dumped almost every day and even dumping old electric appliances sometime. People can easily drive to the stores at night and dump wastes. The convenience stores are hard pressed by illegal dumping but cannot take any strong action against them because they can be their potential customers.

 

添削

 

“Illegal Dumping of Wastes at Convenience Stores”

 

The1-1 cConvenience stores in the Tohoku region are crying out for help to stop the1-2 illegal dumping of wastes1-3 at their stores. Some people2 are dumping their1-4 Kkitchen wastes are dumped almost every day3 and even occasionally dumping old electric appliances sometime. People They can easily drive to the stores at night and dump wastes. The convenience stores are hard pressed by illegal dumping1-5 but cannot take any strong action against them because they can might be their potential customers4.

 

コメント

 

Yokkoさんは日本文の内容をよく咀嚼してから英文で表現しています。

 

1.       冠詞の使い方は日本人にとっていつまでたっても難しいですね。私のカナダ生まれの5歳の孫が自然にatheを使い分けて話しているのを聞いて、人間の言語習得能力の不思議さをいまさらながら驚いています。ここでは私のベストで冠詞の添削をしています。(1-1)では「東北地方のコンベニ一般」を指しているのでtheはいりません。(1-2)では「(他のところではなくて)コンベニにおけるゴミの不法投棄」なのでtheをつけます。(1-3)ゴミはwasteと単数で集合名詞になります。(1-4) 主語にpeopleがあるのでtheirが必要になります。単にkitchen wasteと言えなくてtheir kitchen wasteといわなくてはならないのが英語の特徴ですね。(1-5)では「ゴミの不法投棄一般」を指しているのでtheはいりません。

 

2.       Some peopleを主語にしたほうが「誰が〜した」という形になるので内容がはっきりします。また次の文とのつながりがよくなります。

 

3.       「日常茶飯事」はそれこそ日常茶飯事の英語表現にすればalmost everydayですね。

 

4.       日本文では内容を強調するために「それでもまあ、お客さんだから」と直説法になっていますが、英文ではYokkoさんのように間接法でよいと思います。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Illegal Dumping of Waste at Convenience Stores”

 

Convenience stores in the Tohoku region are crying out for help to stop the illegal dumping of waste at their stores. Some people are dumping their kitchen waste almost every day and even occasionally dumping old electric appliances. They can easily drive to the stores at night and dump waste. The convenience stores are hard pressed by illegal dumping but cannot take any strong action against them because they might be their potential customers.

 

練習問題 72 「宮城県が新型肺炎の専用病棟を計画」

 

宮城県は9月9日に、新型肺炎(SARS)の感染可能性がある患者が発生した場合に専用病棟となる隔離病棟を、県立循環器・呼吸器病センター(瀬峰町)に整備する方針を固めた。2005年度中の完成を目指しており、完成すれば、新型肺炎患者を最大で50人受け入れることが可能になり、宮城県内の新型肺炎対策の拠点施設となる。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 13 March 12

 

"Miyagi Prefecture Building an Isolation Ward for SARS” 

 

Prefecture of Miyagi decided on September 9 to build an isolation ward to accommodate patients suspected of being infected with the severe acute respiratory syndrome (SARS) at the Prefectural Cardiovascular and Respiratory Center in Semine Town. Upon completion in 2005, the ward capable of accommodating as many as 50 patients is expected to serve as the center for SARS infection control in the prefecture.

 

添削

 

"Miyagi Prefecture Building Builds an Isolation Ward for SARS” 

 

The Prefecture of Miyagi decided on September 9 to build an isolation ward to accommodate patients suspected of being infected with the severe acute respiratory syndrome (SARS) at the Prefectural Cardiovascular and Respiratory Center in Semine Town. Upon completion in 2005, the ward will be capable of accommodating as many as 50 patients and is expected to serve as the center for SARS infection control in the prefecture.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Miyagi Prefecture Builds an Isolation Ward for SARS” 

 

The Prefecture of Miyagi decided on September 9 to build an isolation ward to accommodate patients suspected of being infected with the severe acute respiratory syndrome (SARS) at the Prefectural Cardiovascular and Respiratory Center in Semine Town. Upon completion in 2005, the ward will be capable of accommodating as many as 50 patients and is expected to serve as the center for SARS infection control in the prefecture.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 28 April 11

 

Planning to Special Isolation Ward for SARS in Miyagi Prefecture

 

On September 9, the Government of Miyagi Prefecture deiced to build an isolation ward for only patients who have the possibility of infection with severe acute respiratory syndrome (SARS) in prefectural cardiovascular and respiratory center in Semine Town.

 

The isolation ward which will be completed in 2005 is able to hold up to fifty patients and will become the facility for SARS cure in Miyagi Prefecture.

 

添削

 

Miyagi Prefecture1 is Planning to a Special Isolation Ward for SARS in Miyagi Prefecture

 

On September 9, the Government of Miyagi Prefecture deiced decided to build an special isolation ward for only patients who have the possibility of infection by with severe acute respiratory syndrome (SARS) in at the pPrefectural cCardiovascular and rRespiratory cCenter in Semine Town.

 

The isolation ward, which will be completed in 2005, is able to accommodate hold up to fifty patients and will become the central facility for SARS cure in Miyagi Prefecture.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       宮城県を主語にしたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Miyagi Prefecture is Planning a Special Isolation Ward for SARS

 

On September 9, the Government of Miyagi Prefecture decided to build a special isolation ward for patients who have the possibility of infection by severe acute respiratory syndrome (SARS) at the Prefectural Cardiovascular and Respiratory Center in Semine Town.

 

The isolation ward, which will be completed in 2005, is able to accommodate up to fifty patients and will become the central facility for SARS in Miyagi Prefecture.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 24 December 10

 

"Miyagi Prefecture to Set Up an Isolation Ward for SARS Patients”

 

On September 9, Miyagi Prefecture decided to set up an isolation ward for possible patients with severe acute respiratory syndromes (SARS) at the prefectural cardiovascular and respiratory center in Semine Town. The isolation inward, which is expected to be constructed in 2005, will accommodate up to fifty patients and serve as the prefectural center for SARS treatment.

 

添削

 

"Miyagi Prefecture to Sets1 Up an Isolation Ward for SARS Patients”

 

On September 9, Miyagi Prefecture decided to set up an isolation ward for possible patients with severe acute respiratory syndromes (SARS) at the prefectural cardiovascular and respiratory center in Semine Town. The isolation inward, which is expected to be constructed completed in 2005, will accommodate up to fifty patients and serve as the prefectural center for SARS treatment.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。日本文には難しい語彙がたくさんありますが、英文は読みやすい文章になっています。

 

1.       題名は現在形で表現する場合が多いです。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Miyagi Prefecture Sets Up an Isolation Ward for SARS Patients”

 

On September 9, Miyagi Prefecture decided to set up an isolation ward for possible patients with severe acute respiratory syndromes (SARS) at the prefectural cardiovascular and respiratory center in Semine Town. The isolation ward, which is expected to be completed in 2005, will accommodate up to fifty patients and serve as the prefectural center for SARS treatment.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、3 October 07

 

“Miyagi Prefecture Build a Special Ward for SARS”

 

On September 9, Miyagi Prefecture decided to build an isolated ward which will specifically accept severe acute respiratory syndrome (SARS) patients in the premise of the prefectural hospital for cardiovascular disease (located at Semine-cho). The construction of the ward will be completed by the end of 2005. The ward will accommodate maximum fifty patients and be the central hospital for SARS treatment in Miyagi Prefecture.

 

添削

 

“Miyagi Prefecture Build a Special Ward for SARS”

 

On September 9, Miyagi Prefecture decided to build an isolated ward which will specifically accept severe acute respiratory syndrome (SARS) patients in on the premise of the prefectural hospital for cardiovascular disease (located at Semine-cho Town). The construction of the ward will be completed by the end of 2005. The ward will accommodate a maximum of fifty patients and be the central hospital for SARS treatment in Miyagi Prefecture.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

1.       a quarantine ward 隔離病棟という言葉があります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Miyagi Prefecture Build a Special Ward for SARS”

 

On September 9, Miyagi Prefecture decided to build an isolated ward which will specifically accept severe acute respiratory syndrome (SARS) patients on the premise of the prefectural hospital for cardiovascular disease (located at Semine Town). The construction of the ward will be completed by the end of 2005. The ward will accommodate a maximum of fifty patients and be the central hospital for SARS treatment in Miyagi Prefecture.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Yokko, 2 Oct 03

 

“Miyagi Prefecture Builds a Special Hospital Ward for Serious Acute Respiratory Syndrome”

 

On September 9, the Government of Miyagi Prefecture established a policy to build a quarantine ward that will be specially used by patients with a serious acute respiratory syndrome (SARS) at the Prefectural Hospital for Circulatory and Respiratory Diseases in Semine City. The ward, to be completed in 2005, will be able to accommodate up to 50 patients and will be the center for SARS prevention in the prefecture.

 

添削

 

“Miyagi Prefecture Builds a Special Hospital Ward for Serious Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome”

 

On September 9, the Government of Miyagi Prefecture established a policy decided1 to build a quarantine ward that will be specially used by2 for patients with a serious severe acute respiratory syndrome (SARS) at the Prefectural Hospital for Circulatory and Respiratory Diseases in Semine City. The ward, to be completed in 20053, will be able to accommodate up to 50 patients and will be the center for SARS prevention in the prefecture.

 

コメント

 

Yokkoさんは日本文の内容をよく整理して英文でひょうげんしていますね。

 

1.       政府の発表などでよく「〜をする方針を固めた」という言い方があります。行政上、このような表現を使う場合実際にこの方針が実行される確率がこれくらいだ、という了解のようなものがあるのかもしれませんが、英文では単にdecide to do ~と表現してよいと思います。

 

2.       A quarantine wardには専用病棟という意味が含まれているのでここは省略します。

 

3.       「2005年度中の完成を目指しており、完成すれば」を to be completed in 2005と簡略に表現していていいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Miyagi Prefecture Builds a Special Hospital Ward for Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome”

 

On September 9, the Government of Miyagi Prefecture decided to build a quarantine ward for patients with severe acute respiratory syndrome (SARS) at the Prefectural Hospital for Circulatory and Respiratory Diseases in Semine City. The ward, to be completed in 2005, will be able to accommodate up to 50 patients and will be the center for SARS prevention in the prefecture.

 

 

練習問題 73 「仙台市でモータライゼーションが進行」

 

宮城県と仙台市が共同で昨年秋、仙台都市圏(仙台市と周辺19市町村)で実施した住民の移動動向調査の結果が、9月9日まとまった。この調査は10年ぶり。移動する際の交通手段に自動車を使う割合が、前回調査の46.8%から増加して53.5%になる一方でバス(5.6%から4.2%)や徒歩(24.5%から20.2%)の比率は下がり、マイカー依存度の高まりを示している。

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 20 March 12

 

"Motorization Progressing in Sendai City” 

 

On September 9, the Prefecture of Miyagi and the City of Sendai released the result of a survey they jointly conducted last fall. The survey pertained to the mode of transportation for use by residents in the Greater Sendai region (Sendai City and 19 satellite municipalities). Compared with the previous survey 10 years ago, people driving their own vehicle for transportation increased to 53.5 % from 46.8 %, whereas those taking the bus and those walking decreased to 4.2% and 20.2% from 5.6% and 24.5%, respectively. Obviously, the survey results indicate the increased reliance on vehicles of their own as a means of transportation. 

 

添削

 

"Motorization Progressing in Sendai City” 

 

On September 9, the Prefecture of Miyagi and the City of Sendai released the results of a survey they jointly conducted last fall. The survey studied pertained to the modes of transportation for used by residents in the Greater Sendai region (Sendai City and 19 satellite municipalities). Compared with the previous survey 10 years ago, people driving their own vehicles for transportation increased to 53.5 % from 46.8 %, whereas those taking a the bus and those walking decreased to 4.2% and 20.2% from 5.6% and 24.5%, respectively. Obviously, tThe survey results clearly indicate the increased reliance on private vehicles of their own as the a major means of transportation. 

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Motorization Progressing in Sendai City” 

 

On September 9, the Prefecture of Miyagi and the City of Sendai released the results of a survey they jointly conducted last fall. The survey studied modes of transportation used by residents in the Greater Sendai region (Sendai City and 19 satellite municipalities). Compared with the previous survey 10 years ago, people driving their own vehicles for transportation increased to 53.5 % from 46.8 %, whereas those taking a bus and those walking decreased to 4.2% and 20.2% from 5.6% and 24.5%, respectively. The survey results clearly indicate the increased reliance on private vehicles as the major means of transportation. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 6 January 2011

 

"Motorization Continues in Sendai City”

 

Results of a survey asking local residents in Miyagi Prefecture about their transportation priorities found that they chose their own car as a preferred means of transportation. Miyagi Prefecture and Sendai City jointly conducted the survey last fall in Sendai City and 19 neighboring municipalities and released the results on September 9 of this year.

 

Compared to the last survey conducted 10 years ago, driving their own car to their destination increased to 53.5 % from 46.8 % while taking a bus decreased to 4.2 % from 5.6% and walking decreased to 24.5% from 20.2%. The results indicate that people are more and more dependent on their car as a mean of transportation.

 

添削

 

"Motorization Continues in Sendai City”

 

Results of a survey asking local residents in Miyagi Prefecture about their transportation priorities found that they chose their own car as a preferred means of transportation.1 Last fall, Miyagi Prefecture and Sendai City jointly conducted the a survey last fall of the means of transportation used by residents in Sendai City and 19 neighboring municipalities and released the results on September 9 of this year.

 

Compared to the last survey conducted 10 years ago, driving their own cars to their destinations increased to 53.5 % from 46.8 % while taking a bus decreased to 4.2 % from 5.6% and walking decreased to 24.520.2% from 20.224.5%. The results indicate that people are more and more dependent on their cars as a the means2 of transportation.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

この文章の要点ですが、文章が短いので要点をここに入れる必要はないでしょう。

 

means手段は単数でも複数でもmeanssの付く不思議な単語です。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Motorization Continues in Sendai City”

 

Last fall, Miyagi Prefecture and Sendai City jointly conducted a survey of the means of transportation used by residents in Sendai City and 19 neighboring municipalities and released the results on September 9 of this year.

 

Compared to the last survey conducted 10 years ago, driving their own cars to their destinations increased to 53.5 % from 46.8 % while taking a bus decreased to 4.2 % from 5.6% and walking decreased to 20.2% from 24.5%. The results indicate that people are more and more dependent on their cars as the means of transportation.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、5 October 07

 

“More and more People Depend on Cars”

 

Results of a survey on people’s transportation devices conducted by Miyagi Prefecture and Sendai City last fall came out on September 9. The survey targeted residents in Sendai area (including Sendai City and 19 surrounding towns and villages). The last survey was done ten years ago. The rate of car use increased to 53.5 percent from 46.8 percent of the previous survey while bus usage and foot traffic decreased to 4.2 percent from 5.6 percent and 20.2 percent to 34.5 percent respectively. The result shows that more and more people depend on their own cars.

 

添削

 

“More and more People Depend on Cars in the City of Sendai

 

Results of a survey on people’s means of transportation devices conducted by Miyagi Prefecture and Sendai City last fall came out on September 9. The survey targeted covered residents in the Greater1 Sendai area (including Sendai City and 19 surrounding towns and villages). Compared to Tthe last survey was done ten years ago., driving an automobile The rate of car use increased from 46.8 percent to 53.5 percent, from 46.8 percent of the previous survey while riding a bus decreased from 5.6 percent to 4.2 percent, and walking decreased from 24.5 percent to 20.2 percent.2 usage and foot traffic decreased to 4.2 percent from 5.6 percent and 20.2 percent to 34.5 percent respectively. The results shows that more and more people depend on their own cars the major means of transportation.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかりますが、内容をもうすこし整理すると読みやすくなります。

 

1.       仙台市および周辺の地域をthe Greater Sendaiという表現があります。

 

2.       数字の比較が多くでてくる文章では、数字の入った部分を並列構造で表現するとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“More and more People Depend on Cars in the City of Sendai”

 

Results of a survey on people’s means of transportation conducted by Miyagi Prefecture and Sendai City last fall came out on September 9. The survey covered residents in the Greater Sendai area (including Sendai City and 19 surrounding towns and villages). Compared to the last survey done ten years ago, driving an automobile increased from 46.8 percent to 53.5 percent, riding a bus decreased from 5.6 percent to 4.2 percent, and walking decreased from 24.5 percent to 20.2 percent. The results show that more and more people depend on their own cars as the major means of transportation.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(オカヤ、9 Oct 03

 

“Motorization Accelerates in Sendai City”

 

On September 9, the Prefecture of Miyagi and the City of Sendai concluded a joint mobility survey that they conducted last fall in the metropolitan Sendai region (including Sendai City and 19 cities, towns and villages). The survey was done for the first time in ten years. Compared with the results of the previous survey, using an automobile as a means of moving from one place to another increased from 46.8% to 53.5%, riding a bus decreased from 5.6% to 4.2%, and walking decreased from 24.5% to 20.2%. The survey showed that people have become more dependent on their own car as a means of moving.

 

添削

 

“Motorization Accelerates in Sendai City”

 

On September 9, the Prefecture of Miyagi and the City of Sendai concluded released the results of1 a joint mobility survey that they conducted last fall in the metropolitan Sendai region (including Sendai City and neighboring 19 cities, towns and villages). The survey was done for the first time in ten years.The previous mobility survey was done ten years ago2. Compared with the results of the previous survey, using driving3 an automobile as a means of moving from one place to another increased from 46.8% to 53.5%, riding a bus decreased from 5.6% to 4.2%, and walking decreased from 24.5% to 20.2%4. The survey showed that people have become more dependent on their own car as a means of moving.

 

 

練習問題 74 「長野県の県施設が全面禁止」

 

長野県の田中知事が9月9日午後、県施設での全面禁煙を発表し、「何らの意見も出なかったので本日から実行できる」との解釈を示したのを受け、県施設では、午前中まで使っていた喫煙所に「禁煙」と張り出すなど対応に追われる一方、情報が職員に伝わっていないケースも見られた。突然の「指令」に、喫煙する職員や県施設利用者には「分煙でもだめなのか」と動揺も広がった。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 20 March 12

 

"Complete Smoking Ban at Nagano Prefectural Facilities” 

 

Mr.Tanaka, the governor of Nagano Prefecture, announced on the afternoon of September 9 his intention to completely ban smoking at all the prefectural government buildings. Having faced no express objection to his plan, he called for immediate enforcement of the smoking ban. The officials working at the prefectural facilities were busy coping with the law abruptly laid down by the governor, e.g. posting "No Smoking" signs at a room that had been used as a smoking room just until that morning. It appeared that the information on the smoking ban had not been thoroughly disseminated. Some smokers among officials and visitors were upset by the decision suddenly imposed in a top down fashion, wondering if they could not smoke any longer even in a designated area.

 

添削

 

"Complete Smoking Ban at Nagano Prefectural Facilities” 

 

Mr.Tanaka, the governor of Nagano Prefecture, announced on the afternoon of September 9 his intention to completely ban smoking at all the prefectural government buildings. Having faced no express objection to his plan, he called for immediate enforcement of the smoking ban. The officials working at the prefectural facilities were busy coping with the law abruptly laid down by the governor, e.g. posting "No Smoking" signs at the a rooms that had been used as a smoking room just until that morning. It appeared that the information on the smoking ban had not been thoroughly disseminated. Some smokers among officials and visitors were upset by the decision suddenly imposed in a top down fashion, wondering if they could not smoke any longer even in an designated area designated for smoking.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       喫煙室(場所)は世界共通なものでもないの、こうしたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

先日、町のレストランに行くと中がガラスの仕切りでちょうど二つに分かれいます。仕切りの向こう側を覗いてみると、こちら側と同じようなお客が同じような食事をしています。不思議におもってウェイトレスにたずねると、レストラン全部が禁煙になるまで、仕切りの向こうは喫煙するお客のための場所だったそうです。以前は喫煙室を設けることでレストランでも喫煙できましたが、現在は全面禁煙です。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Complete Smoking Ban at Nagano Prefectural Facilities” 

 

Mr.Tanaka, the governor of Nagano Prefecture, announced on the afternoon of September 9 his intention to completely ban smoking at all the prefectural government buildings. Having faced no express objection to his plan, he called for immediate enforcement of the smoking ban. The officials working at the prefectural facilities were busy coping with the law abruptly laid down by the governor, e.g. posting "No Smoking" signs at the rooms that had been used as a smoking room just until that morning. It appeared that the information on the smoking ban had not been thoroughly disseminated. Some smokers among officials and visitors were upset by the decision suddenly imposed in a top down fashion, wondering if they could not smoke any longer even in an area designated for smoking.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 28 April 11

 

Nonsmoking in all Public Places in Nagano Prefecture

 

On the afternoon of September 9, Mr. Tanaka, the governor of Nagano Prefecture, announced complete smoking ban in all prefectural facilities. Mr. Tanaka explained that we can start to enforce nonsmoking from today because didn't receive any opinions against the smoking ban from my staffs.

 

The staffs working in all prefectural facilities were busy in response to governor's order, for example, to inform smokers by paper written "nonsmoking area" before the room that were used as smoking room till this morning. But some staffs still didn't know the order completely.

 

As the unexpected order happened suddenly, smokers among staffs and visitors were complicated and hoped to deal with the separation of smoking areas and nonsmoking areas at the same time.

 

添削

 

Nonsmoking in all Public Places in Nagano Prefecture

 

On the afternoon of September 9, Mr. Tanaka, the governor of Nagano Prefecture, announced a complete smoking ban in all prefectural facilities. Mr. Tanaka explained said,  that wWe1 can start to enforce nonsmoking from today because I haven’t didn't received any opinions against the smoking ban from my the staffs.

 

The staffs working in all prefectural facilities were busy in responseding to the governor's order, for example, to pasting a warning, inform smokers by paper written "This is a nonsmoking area" at before the room that was were used as a smoking room untill the this morning of the same day. But some staffs members still didn't know the order at all completely.

 

As the unexpected order appeared happened suddenly, smokers among the staffs and visitors were complicated upset to find that they could not longer smoke even in the previous smoking room and hoped to deal with the separation of smoking areas and nonsmoking areas at the same time2.

 

コメント

 

第三段落の内容がわかりません。

 

1.       主語がweなので、直接話法のなります。

 

2.       「分煙」はこまかく説明すると複雑なのでsmoking in the smoking roomとするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nonsmoking in all Public Places in Nagano Prefecture

 

On the afternoon of September 9, Mr. Tanaka, the governor of Nagano Prefecture, announced a complete smoking ban in all prefectural facilities. Mr. Tanaka said, “We can start to enforce nonsmoking today because I haven’t received any opinions against the smoking ban from the staff.”

 

The staff working in all prefectural facilities were busy responding to the governor's order, for example, pasting a warning, "This is a nonsmoking area" at the room that was used as a smoking room until the morning of the same day. But some staff members still didn't know the order at all .

 

As the order appeared suddenly, smokers among the staff and visitors were upset to find that they could not longer smoke even in the previous smoking room.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 6 January 11

 

"Smoking is Banned at All the Facilities of Nagano Prefecture”

 

Governor Tanaka of Nagano Prefecture announced in the afternoon of September 9 that he would impose a smoking ban at all of the prefecture’s public facilities. He said that the ban would be implemented immediately because he hadn’t received any objection.

 

Since the ban took effect without adjustment period, officials at the prefecture’s facilities were busy responding to the announcement by posting “No smoking” signs at the smoking rooms, which had been available until the morning of the day, while some officials weren’t informed of the ban. Smokers among officials and visitors at the facilities felt confused with the governor’s sudden order, saying that smoking couldn’t be allowed even in a designated area.

 

添削

 

"Smoking is Banned at All the Facilities of Nagano Prefecture”

 

Governor Tanaka of Nagano Prefecture announced in on the afternoon of September 9 that he would impose a smoking ban at all of the prefecture’s public facilities. He said that the ban would be implemented immediately because he hadn’t received any objection.

 

Since the ban took effect without any adjustment period, officials at the prefecture’s facilities were busy responding to the announcement by posting “No smoking” signs at the smoking rooms, which had been available until the morning of the day., while some officials weren’t informed of the ban.1 Smokers among officials and visitors at the facilities felt confused with the governor’s sudden order, saying that smoking couldn’t be allowed even in a designated area.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       次の文にfelt confused with the governor’s sudden orderとあるので、これは省略してよいでしょう。これを入れると、「visitorsも事前に知らなかった」という説明をいれる必要がでてきます。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Smoking is Banned at All Facilities of Nagano Prefecture”

 

Governor Tanaka of Nagano Prefecture announced on the afternoon of September 9 that he would impose a smoking ban at all of the prefecture’s public facilities. He said that the ban would be implemented immediately because he hadn’t received any objection.

 

Since the ban took effect without any adjustment period, officials at the prefecture’s facilities were busy posting “No smoking” signs at the smoking rooms which had been available until the morning of the day. Smokers among officials and visitors at the facilities felt confused with the governor’s sudden order, saying that smoking couldn’t be allowed even in a designated area.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、6 October 07

 

“Smoking Prohibited in All Public Facilities in Nagano Prefecture”

 

Mr. Tanaka, the governor of Nagano Prefecture, announced in the afternoon of September 9 that he decided to prohibit smoking in all public facilities in Nagano prefecture from that day. He said that this rule could be implemented on that day because he did not hear any objections. The staff of public facilities was busy to cope with the governor’s sudden decision by posting “No smoking” signs at the places where smoking was allowed in the morning of that day. But some staff seemed not to be informed this new rule in some facilities. Smokers among facilities’ staff and visitors got shook up because they knew that smoking is not allowed even in the separated areas in the facilities.

 

添削

 

“Smoking Prohibited in at All Prefectural Government Buildings Public Facilities in Nagano Prefecture”

 

Mr. Tanaka, the governor of Nagano Prefecture, announced in the afternoon of September 9 that he decided to prohibit smoking in all public government buildings facilities in of Nagano pPrefecture1 from that day moment. He said that this rule could would be implemented on that day because he did not hear any objections. The staff of at government buildings public facilities was were busy to cope with the governor’s sudden decision by posting “No smoking” signs at the places where smoking was allowed until in the morning of that day. But some staff seemed not to be informed of this new rule at some government buildings in some facilities. Smokers among facilities’ the staff and visitors were dismayed got shook up by the announcement because they knew could no longer use a smoking room in their building2 that smoking is not allowed even in the separated areas in the facilities.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかりますが、日本文では「県施設での全面禁煙」となっています。英文では all public facilitiesで長野県の運営する施設以外の公共施設全般が入りますね。添削では県施設にしました。

 

1.       長野県には市町村や日本政府の建物もありますから、ここではgovernment buildings of Nagano Prefectureと限定するとよいでしょう。

 

2.       分煙という不思議な言葉がありますが、a smoking roomとすると具体的でわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Smoking Prohibited at All Prefectural Government Buildings in Nagano Prefecture”

 

Mr. Tanaka, governor of Nagano Prefecture, announced in the afternoon of September 9 that he decided to prohibit smoking in all government buildings of Nagano Prefecture from that moment. He said that this rule would be implemented because he did not hear any objections. The staff at government buildings were busy to cope with the governor’s sudden decision by posting “No smoking” signs at the places where smoking was allowed until the morning of that day. But some staff seemed not to be informed of this new rule at some government buildings. Smokers among the staff and visitors were dismayed by the announcement because they could no longer use a smoking room in their building .

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(いずみ、26 Sept 03

 

“Complete Ban of Smoking at Prefectural Government Buildings in Nagano Prefecture”

 

On the afternoon of September 9, Governor Tanaka of Nagano Prefecture announced complete smoking ban at all prefectural government buildings. Since he had not received any opinions against it, he interpreted that the complete smoking ban would be implemented right away.

 

At some prefectural government buildings, prefectural staff were busy putting a non-smoking sign on the smoking room in the building that had been used by smokers in the morning. The governor’s order was not smoothly communicated to the staff and caused some confusion among the staff if they could still use the smoking room in the afternoon. Dismay spread quickly among smokers that the governor ordered complete smoking ban and eliminated the smoking room.

 

添削

 

“Complete Ban of Smoking at Prefectural Government Buildings in Nagano Prefecture”

 

On the afternoon of September 9, Governor Tanaka of Nagano Prefecture announced declared1 a complete smoking ban at all prefectural government buildings. He said that he would implement the complete smoking ban right away because2 Since he had not received any opinions against it, he interpreted that the complete smoking ban would be implemented right away.

 

At some prefectural government buildings, prefectural staff were busy putting a non-smoking sign on the smoking rooms in the buildings that had been used by smokers in the morning. The governor’s order was not smoothly communicated to the staff and caused some confusion among some of the staff who were wondering3 if they could still use the smoking room in the afternoon. They were dismayed that4 Dismay spread quickly among smokers that the governor ordered a complete smoking ban and eliminated all the smoking rooms.

 

コメント

 

いずみさんは長い日本文を内容を考えて短い英文で表現し、二つの段落を作って読みやすくしています。

 

1.       declared とすると意味が強くなります。

 

2.       日本文は禁煙の方針とその解釈という複雑な内容をもっていますが、英文では単に「文句が無かったから直ちに実行する」とすると内容がはっきりします。

 

3.       「午後に喫煙室が使えるのかどうか」は目的節なので主語と動詞が必要になります。

 

4.       「喫煙者」を主語にすると英文がやさしくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Complete Ban of Smoking at Prefectural Government Buildings in Nagano Prefecture”

 

On the afternoon of September 9, Governor Tanaka of Nagano Prefecture declared a complete smoking ban at all prefectural government buildings. He said that he would implement the complete smoking ban right away because he had not received any opinions against it

 

At some prefectural government buildings, prefectural staff were busy putting a non-smoking sign on the smoking rooms in the buildings that had been used by smokers in the morning. The governor’s order was not smoothly communicated to the staff and caused some confusion among some of the staff who were wondering if they could still use the smoking room in the afternoon. They were dismayed that the governor ordered a complete smoking ban and eliminated all the smoking rooms.

 

 

練習問題 75 「長野県内でタヌキの交通事故死が増加」

 

長野県内の高速道で事故に遭う野生動物の中で、タヌキの犠牲が目立って多いことが、日本道路公団まとめで分かった。昨年一年間で事故死した野生動物の約四割を占めており、2位のネコ(19%)を大きく引き離している。タヌキは驚くと気絶したり尻込みしたりする習性が災いしているようだ。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 20 March 12

 

"Raccoon dog’s Traffic Death Toll Increasing in Nagano Prefecture”  

 

According to a survey by the Japan Highway Public Corporation, raccoon dogs are by far the most vulnerable to death from run over on the expressways among the wild animals. Raccoon dogs accounted for about 40 % of wild animals killed on the expressways in Nagano Prefecture last year, followed by distant second, cats (19%). When they are frightened, raccoon dogs have a habit of fainting or flinching. This habit seems to be chiefly responsible for their high rate of traffic fatality￿添削

 

"Raccoon dog’s Traffic Deaths of Raccoons are Toll Increasing in Nagano Prefecture”  

 

According to a survey by the Japan Highway Public Corporation, raccoons dogs are by far the most vulnerable to get death from run over by cars on the expressways among the wild animals in Nagoya Prefecture. Raccoons dogs accounted for about 40 % of wild animals killed on the expressways in Nagano Prefecture last year, followed by distant second, cats (19%). When raccoons they are frightened, they raccoon dogs have a habit of fainting or flinching. This habit seems to be chiefly responsible for their high rate of traffic fatality.￿コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

" Traffic Deaths of Raccoons are Increasing in Nagano Prefecture”  

 

According to a survey by the Japan Highway Public Corporation, raccoons are by far the most vulnerable to get run over by cars on the expressways among the wild animals in Nagoya Prefecture. Raccoons accounted for about 40 % of wild animals killed on the expressways in Nagano Prefecture last year, followed by distant second, cats (19%). When raccoons are frightened, they have a habit of fainting or flinching. This habit seems to be chiefly responsible for their high rate of traffic fatality

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 14 May 11

 

Traffic Death of Raccoon Dogs are Increasing on the Highway in Nagano Prefecture

 

According to a survey by Japan Highway Public Corporation, more and more raccoon dogs were killed by cars on the highways in Nagano Prefecture. Among wild animals that died in a car accident, the number of raccoon dogs accounted for forty percents in all of last year and left cats, the second largest number (nineteen percents), far behind.

 

When raccoon dogs are surprised at the sight of something, they have a habit of fainting or hesitating to move at the point. Their habit seems to lead to an increase in traffic death.

 

添削

 

Traffic Deaths of Raccoon Dogs are Increasing on the Highways in Nagano Prefecture

 

According to a survey by Japan Highway Public Corporation, more and more raccoon dogs were have been1 killed by cars on the highways in Nagano Prefecture. Among wild animals that died in a car accident, the number of raccoon dogs accounted for forty percents in all of last year and left cats, the second largest number (nineteen percents), far behind.

 

When raccoon dogs are surprised at the sight of something, they have a habit of fainting or hesitating to move at the point. Their This habit seems to lead to an the2 increase in their traffic deaths.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       過去の調査の結果ですが、more and moreと時間の経過を伴った表現があるのでhave been killedにします。

 

2.       上記の数字を指しているので定冠詞にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Traffic Deaths of Raccoon Dogs are Increasing on the Highways in Nagano Prefecture

 

According to a survey by Japan Highway Public Corporation, more and more raccoon dogs have been killed by cars on the highways in Nagano Prefecture. Among wild animals that died in a car accident, raccoon dogs accounted for forty percent last year and left cats, the second largest number (nineteen percent), far behind.

 

When raccoon dogs are surprised at the sight of something, they have a habit of fainting or hesitating to move at the point. This habit seems to lead to the increase in their traffic deaths.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 6 January 11

 

"More and More Raccoon Dogs are Killed in Car Accidents in Nagano Prefecture”

 

An increasing number of raccoon dogs are killed in car accidents on the highways in Nagano Prefecture, reports the Japan Highway Public Cooperation. Raccoon dogs accounted for 40 percent of wild animals that were killed in car accidents last year, far ahead of cats that accounted for 19 percent. Raccoon dogs have a habit of fainting or freezing when they are startled. This seems to be one of the main causes that they are likely to be involved in car accidents.

 

添削

 

"More and More Raccoon Dogs Are Run Over1 by are Killed in Cars Accidents in Nagano Prefecture”

 

An increasing number of raccoon dogs are killed run over by in cars accidents on the highways in Nagano Prefecture, reports the Japan Highway Public Cooperation. Raccoon dogs accounted for 40 percent of wild animals that were killed on the highways in car accidents last year, far ahead of cats that accounted for 19 percent. Raccoon dogs have a habit of fainting or freezing when they are startled. This seems to be one of the main causes that they are more likely to be run over involved in by cars than other animals accidents.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       killed in car accidentsとすると、交通事故に巻き込まれて死んだ、となります。大部分の場合はひき逃げではないでしょうか。

 

添削後の文章

 

"More and More Raccoon Dogs Are Run Over by Cars in Nagano Prefecture”

 

An increasing number of raccoon dogs are run over by cars on the highways in Nagano Prefecture, reports the Japan Highway Public Cooperation. Raccoon dogs accounted for 40 percent of wild animals that were killed on the highways last year, far ahead of cats that accounted for 19 percent. Raccoon dogs have a habit of fainting or freezing when they are startled. This seems to be one of the main causes that they are more likely to be run over by cars than other animals .

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、7 October 07

 

"More and More Japanese Raccoon Hit by Cars in Nagano Prefecture”

 

According to the Japan Highway Public Corporation, Japanese raccoons are the most hit by cars among wild animals on the expressways in Nagano Prefecture. Japanese raccoons accounted for about 40 percent of the wild animals which were killed by cars last year .Raccoons left cats of 19 percent, the second most hit animal, far behind them. Raccoons’ habits of fainting away or hanging back when they are startled seem to cause this tragedy.

 

添削

 

"More and More Japanese Raccoons Hit by Cars in Nagano Prefecture”

 

According to the Japan Highway Public Corporation, Japanese raccoons are account for the most largest number of hit by cars among wild animals hit by cars on the expressways in Nagano Prefecture. Japanese raccoons accounted for about 40 percent of the wild animals which were killed by cars last year .Raccoons left cats (of the second at19 percent), the second most hit animal, far behind them. Raccoons’ habits of fainting away or hanging back when they are startled seem to cause this tragedy.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますがRaccoons left cats of 19 percent, the second most hit animal, far behind them.の構文が分かり難いですね。Raccoons left cats far behind.と続けるとよいでしょう。アルバータのハイウェイで被害に遭うのはスカンクが多いです。タヌキと同じ仲間なので同様な習性を持っているのでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"More and More Japanese Raccoons Hit by Cars in Nagano Prefecture”

 

According to the Japan Highway Public Corporation, Japanese raccoons account for the largest number of wild animals hit by cars on the expressways in Nagano Prefecture. Japanese raccoons accounted for about 40 percent of the wild animals which were killed by cars last year. Raccoons left cats (the second at19 percent) far behind them. Raccoons’ habits of fainting or hanging back when they are startled seem to cause this tragedy.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(イワキ、16 Oct 03

 

“Traffic Death of Raccoon Dogs Increases in Nagano Prefecture”

 

According to a survey by Japan Highway Public Corporation, it is noticeable that raccoon dogs were killed most often among animals on the highway in Nagano Prefecture. Last year, raccoons accounted for 40% of animals, and the next were cats (19%). When raccoon doges are surprised, they faint or move back way. This appears to cause its high traffic fatality rate.

 

添削

 

“Traffic Death of Raccoon Dogs Increases in Nagano Prefecture”

 

According to a survey by Japan Highway Public Corporation, it is noticeable that1 raccoon dogs were killed most often suffered the highest traffic fatalities2 among animals on the highways in Nagano Prefecture. Last year, raccoons accounted for 40% of animals traffic fatalities, followed by and the next were cats (19%). When raccoon doges are surprised, they either faint or move back way become hesitant to move3. This nature appears to cause its the high traffic fatality rate in raccoon dogs.

 

コメント

 

1.       文章の中の数字で目立つことがわかるのでいりません。

 

2.       元のままでも文脈から交通事故死とわかりますが、添削ではこのことを明確にしました。

 

3.       「尻込みする」はこの場合「立ちすくんで動けなくなってしまう」ことなので添削のようにしました。私の住むアルバータ州の高速道路ではスカンクとハリネズミの交通事故死が目立ちます。タヌキと同じような習性を持つせいでしょうか。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Traffic Death of Raccoon Dogs Increases in Nagano Prefecture”

 

According to a survey by Japan Highway Public Corporation, raccoon dogs suffered the highest traffic fatalities among animals on the highways in Nagano Prefecture. Last year, raccoons accounted for 40% of animal traffic fatalities followed by cats (19%). When raccoon doges are surprised, they either faint or become hesitant to move. This nature appears to cause the high traffic fatality rate in raccoon dogs.

 

 

練習問題 76 「虎フィーバーでホテル業界が潤う」

 

長引く不況で落ち込む兵庫県にホテル業界に、虎フィーバーの光明がさしている。阪神タイガースの快進撃に伴って客室稼働率が上昇したり、関連の宿泊プランが好評を博したり。猛虎さまさまの盛況ぶりに、「来年もこの調子で」とエールを送っている。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 27 March 12

 

"The Hanshin Tigers Relieving Local Hotels” 

 

The hotels in Hyogo Prefecture are seeing a ray of light coming into their industry which had long been plagued by recession. Continued good performance by the Hanshin Tigers, a time-honored (but not always competitive) professional baseball team based in the prefecture, is boosting the occupancy rate of the hotels and sales of special accommodation plans for Tigers fans. The hotels are sending hearty cheers to the Tigers, wishing them to stay strong next year as well.

 

添削

 

"The Hanshin Tigers Relieving Local Hotels” 

 

The hotels in Hyogo Prefecture are seeing a ray of light coming into their industry which had long been plagued by recession. Continueding good performance by the Hanshin Tigers, a time-honored (but not always competitive) professional baseball team based in the prefecture, is boosting the occupancy rate of the hotels and sales of special accommodation plans for Tigers fans. The hotels are sending hearty cheers to the Tigers, wishing them to stay strong next year as well.

 

コメント

 

総ての内容がわかります。読んでおもしろく書いてあります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"The Hanshin Tigers Relieving Local Hotels” 

 

The hotels in Hyogo Prefecture are seeing a ray of light coming into their industry which had long been plagued by recession. Continuing good performance by the Hanshin Tigers, a time-honored (but not always competitive) professional baseball team based in the prefecture, is boosting the occupancy rate of the hotels and sales of special accommodation plans for Tigers fans. The hotels are sending hearty cheers to the Tigers, wishing them to stay strong next year as well.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 14 May 11

 

Hotel Business Profits by the Hanshin Tigers Fever

 

Hotel business which had suffered from prolonged economic slump in Hyogo Prefecture receives the benefit by the Hanshin Tigers, which is the professional baseball team based on the Prefecture. Every times The Hanshin Tigers wins and comes close to the top in Japan Pro Baseball Central League Game, hotel occupancy rate is increasing because the Hanshin Tigers fans stay at the Hotels to watch the game in person. Furthermore some hotel plans related to the Hanshin Tigers provided by the hotels receive praise from the fans. 

 

Thanks to great success of the Hanshin Tigers, the hotels in the Prefecture do good business. And they are sending hearty cheers that they hope the Hanshin Tigers can keep up the good work next year, too.

 

添削

 

Hotels1 Business Profits Benefit by the Hanshin Tigers Fever

 

The local2 Hhotel business which had has suffered from a prolonged economic slump in Hyogo Prefecture receives the benefit by from the Hanshin Tigers, which is the professional baseball team based in on the Pprefecture. Every times Tthe Hanshin Tigers wins and comes closer to the top in the Japan Pro Baseball Central League Game, the hotel occupancy rate is increasinges because the Hanshin Tigers fans come and stay at the Hhotels in the prefecture to go to watch their game in person3. Furthermore, some hotels have special plans related to the Hanshin Tigers which provided by the hotels receive praise from the fans. 

 

Thanks to the great success of the Hanshin Tigers this season, the hotels in the Pprefecture do are doing good business. And they are sending hearty cheers to the team and that they hope that the Hanshin Tigers can keep up their good work next year, too.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       hotelsとするとthe hotel businessより具体的になります。

 

2.       兵庫県内のホテル業界とします。

 

3.       ホテルに大型テレビまたはテレビを数台置いたスポーツバーというものもあり、球場に行かずにここで観戦する人もいます。ここでは甲子園球場に試合を見るために滞在する、にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Hotels Benefit by the Hanshin Tigers Fever

 

The local hotel business which has suffered from a prolonged economic slump in Hyogo Prefecture receives the benefit from the Hanshin Tigers, which is the professional baseball team based in the prefecture. Every time the Hanshin Tigers wins and comes closer to the top in the Japan Pro Baseball Central League Game, the hotel occupancy rate increases because the Hanshin Tigers fans come and stay at the hotels in the prefecture to go to  their game. Furthermore, some hotels have special plans related to the Hanshin Tigers which receive praise from the fans. 

 

Thanks to the great success of the Hanshin Tigers this season, the hotels in the prefecture are doing good business. And they are sending hearty cheers to the team and hope that the Hanshin Tigers can keep up their good work next year too.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 12 January 11

 

"The Hanshin Tigers Benefits Hotel Business in Hyogo Prefecture”

 

Amid the prolonged economic slump, hotel business is brisk in Hyugo Prefecture thanks to the Hanshin Tigers, a professional baseball team based in the prefecture. The Tigers used to be a habitually losing team, but it has finally come back to life this year. The team’s good performances have contributed to an increase in the occupancy rate of the hotels and the sales of accommodation plans. The hotel industry hopes that the Tigers will stay alive next year, too.

 

添削

 

"The Hanshin Tigers Benefits Hotel Business in Hyogo Prefecture”

 

Amid In spite of1 the prolonged economic slump, hotel business is getting brisk in Hyugo Prefecture thanks to the Hanshin Tigers, a professional baseball team based in the prefecture. The Tigers used to be a habitually losing team, but it has finally come back to life this year2. The team’s good performances have contributed to an increase in the occupancy rate of the hotels and the sales of special accommodation plans for Tigers’ fans. The hotel industry hopes that the Tigers will stay alive next year, too.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       主節の内容と対比しているのでin spite of ~がよいでしょう。

 

2.       阪神タイガース復活の説明が適切ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

"The Hanshin Tigers Benefits Hotel Business in Hyogo Prefecture”

 

In spite of the prolonged economic slump, hotel business is getting brisk in Hyugo Prefecture thanks to the Hanshin Tigers, a professional baseball team based in the prefecture. The Tigers used to be a habitually losing team, but it has finally come back to life this year. The team’s good performances have contributed to an increase in the occupancy rate of the hotels and the sales of special accommodation plans for Tigers’ fans. The hotel industry hopes that the Tigers will stay alive next year, too.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、7 October 07

 

“Hanshin Tigers Benefits Hotels”

 

Thanks for good performance of the Hanshin Tigers, one of the Japanese baseball teams, hotel industry in Hyogo prefecture is now booming. The hotels in Hyogo Prefecture have been adversely affected by the prolonged recession. But as the Hanshin Tigers continues to win the games, occupancy rate of the hotels is rising. Special stay plans related to the Hanshin Tigers have also made big hits. Substantially benefited, the hotel industry yells the team to win again next year.

 

添削

 

“Hanshin Tigers Benefits Hotels”

 

Thanks for the good performance of the Hanshin Tigers, one of the professional Japanese baseball teams based in Nishino-miya City in Hyogo Prefecture1, the hotel industry in the Hyogo prefecture is now booming. The hotels in Hyogo Prefecture have been adversely affected by the prolonged recession. But as the Hanshin Tigers continues to win the games, the occupancy rates of the hotels are is rising. Special stay plans related to the Hanshin Tigers have also made a big hits. Substantially benefited from the good performance of the Hanshin Tigers this season, the hotel industry wishes that the team will perform good again next season yells the team to win again next year.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。日本文の内容の要点を解釈して英文で表現していますね。

 

1.       西宮に本拠地があることを入れると、兵庫県のホテルが潤うことがわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       すこし長い説明ですが、わかりやすくしておいたほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Hanshin Tigers Benefits Hotels”

 

Thanks for the good performance of the Hanshin Tigers, one of the professional Japanese baseball teams based in Nishino-miya City in Hyogo Prefecture, the hotel industry in the  prefecture is now booming. The hotels in Hyogo Prefecture have been adversely affected by the prolonged recession. But as the Hanshin Tigers continues to win the games, the occupancy rates of the hotels are rising. Special stay plans related to the Hanshin Tigers have also made a big hit. Substantially benefited from the good performance of the Hanshin Tigers this season, the hotel industry wishes that the team will perform good again next season.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(GPS, 27 Sept 03

 

“Hotels Benefits from Hanshin Tigers Fever”

 

The Hanshin Tigers fever, heating up every day as the baseball team approaches closer and closer to its championship victory, is benefiting hotels in Hyogo Prefecture that have been suffering from the prolonged economic recession. More and more people come and stay at the hotels to attend a baseball game and a special hotel packages for baseball fans have been successful. The hotels welcome the fever and hope that the Hanshin Tigers will perform the same way next season too.

 

添削

 

“Hotels Benefits from Hanshin Tigers Fever”

 

The Hanshin Tigers fever, heating which heats1 up more every day as the baseball team approaches closer and closer2 to its championship victory, is benefiting hotels in Hyogo Prefecture that have had3 been suffering from the prolonged economic recession. More and more people come and stay at the hotels4 to attend a baseball games and a special hotel packages for baseball fans have been successful. The hotels welcome the fever and hope that the Hanshin Tigers will perform the same way next season too.

 

コメント

 

GPSさんは日本文の内容を整理して英文で表現しています。日本文の要点は「虎フィーバーが兵庫県のホテル業界を潤している。」で、あとはその補足説明です。英文ではまずこの要点を表現します。GPSさんの投稿ではThe Hanshin Tigers is benefiting hotels in Hyogo Prefecture.と表現しています。全体に日本語の表現(光明がさしている、快進撃、猛虎さまさま、エールを送っている)にとらわれずに内容を英文で表現しています。

 

1.       文の中に挿入された関係代名詞節なので、which heats up…としたほうが、文の中の2次的な説明である、ということがはっきりします。

 

2.       Approachにはcloserという意味が含まれているのでここではいりません。

 

3.       虎フィーバーがすでにホテルを潤しているので、不況で苦しんでいたのはその前の時期になりhave been suffering よりhad been suffering が適当になります。

 

4.       「客室稼働率が上昇」をthe occupancy rate increasesとしないで内容を説明して表現してあり、わかりやすくなっています。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Hotels Benefits from Hanshin Tigers Fever”

 

The Hanshin Tigers fever, which heats up more every day as the baseball team approaches to its championship victory, is benefiting hotels in Hyogo Prefecture that had been suffering from the prolonged economic recession. More and more people come and stay at the hotels to attend baseball games and special hotel packages for baseball fans have been successful. The hotels welcome the fever and hope that the Hanshin Tigers will perform the same way next season too.

 

 

練習問題 77 「台風14号が宮古島に接近」

 

猛烈な台風14号は9月10日夜、発達しながら沖縄県宮古島の東南東約60キロの海上を時速約10キロで北西へ進んだ。暴風域の宮古島では最大瞬間風速43・5メートルを観測、明け方には同島地方にかなり接近して通過する見込み。気象庁は宮古島地方で最大瞬間風速80メートル、石垣島地方で45メートルと予想しており、猛烈な風や雨、高潮などに厳重な警戒を呼び掛けた。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 27 March 12

 

"Typhoon No.14 Approach Miyako Island” 

 

On the night of September 10, a powerful typhoon No.14 was gaining strength as it moved north-west at 10 kilometers per hour over the sea about 60 kilometers east-southeast off Miyako Island, Okinawa Prefecture.  The Island was already affected by a strong wind registering a maximum velocity of 43.5 meters per second. In the early morning today, the typhoon is expected to pass by very close to the island. Forecasting the maximum wind velocity will reach 80 meters per second at Miyako Island and 45 meters at Ishigaki Island, the Meteorological Agency is calling on the residents of those areas to stay on full alert for raging rainstorm and high waves.

 

添削

 

"Typhoon No.14 Approach Miyako Island” 

 

On the night of September 10, a powerful typhoon No.14 was gaining strength as it moved north-west at 10 kilometers per hour over the sea about 60 kilometers east-southeast off Miyako Island, Okinawa Prefecture.  The Island was already affected by a strong wind registering a maximum velocity of 43.5 meters per second. In the early morning today, the typhoon is expected to pass by very close to the island. Forecasting the maximum wind velocity will reaching 80 meters per second at Miyako Island and 45 meters at Ishigaki Island, the Meteorological Agency is calling on the residents of those areas to stay on full alert for a raging rainstorm and high waves.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Typhoon No.14 Approach Miyako Island” 

 

On the night of September 10, a powerful typhoon No.14 was gaining strength as it moved north-west at 10 kilometers per hour over the sea about 60 kilometers east-southeast off Miyako Island, Okinawa Prefecture. The Island was already affected by a strong wind registering a maximum velocity of 43.5 meters per second. In the early morning today, the typhoon is expected to pass very close to the island. Forecasting the maximum wind velocity  reaching 80 meters per second at Miyako Island and 45 meters at Ishigaki Island, the Meteorological Agency is calling on the residents of those areas to stay on full alert for a raging rainstorm and high waves.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 16 May 11

 

Typhoon No 14 Approaches at Miyako Island.

 

As of the night of September 10, strong Typhoon No 14 is located in about 60 kilometers east-southeast of Miyako Island, Okinawa Prefecture and moving over toward northwest at 10 kilometers per hour. The highest wind 43.5 meters per second was observed at Miyako Island which is in the storm range. The typhoon will come closer to the island until today's morning and will pass over the island during daytime.

 

Japan Meteorological Agency says that the highest wind 80 meters per second at Miyako Island and 45 meters per second at Ishigaki Island are expected. As a result, the agency is warning its residents of the risks such as driving wind and rain and tidal wave.

 

添削

 

Typhoon No 14 Approaches at Miyako Island.

 

As of the night of September 10, strong Typhoon No 14 is was1 located in at about 60 kilometers east-southeast of Miyako Island, Okinawa Prefecture and was moving over toward northwest at 10 kilometers per hour. The strongest highest wind of 43.5 meters per second was observed at Miyako Island which was already is in the storm range. The typhoon will come closer to the island until this today's morning and will pass over the island during daytime.

 

The Japan Meteorological Agency says that the highest strongest wind of 80 meters per second is expected at Miyako Island and 45 meters per second is expected at Ishigaki Island are expected. As a result, the agency is warning the its residents on these islands of the risks such as driving winds and rains and tidal waves.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       この内容は過去形になります。

 

2.       動詞がここに来たほうが文が落ち着きます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Typhoon No 14 Approaches Miyako Island.

 

As of the night of September 10, strong Typhoon No 14 was located at about 60 kilometers east-southeast of Miyako Island, Okinawa Prefecture and was moving northwest at 10 kilometers per hour. The strongest wind of 43.5 meters per second was observed at Miyako Island which was already in the storm range. The typhoon will come closer to the island until this morning and will pass over the island during daytime.

 

The Japan Meteorological Agency says that the strongest wind of 80 meters per second is expected at Miyako Island and 45 meters per second is expected at Ishigaki Island. As a result, the agency is warning the residents on these islands of driving winds and rains and tidal waves.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(さくら、8 October 07

 

“Typhoon No.14 Approaching to the Miyokojima Island”

 

Heading northwestward at a speed of 10 km per hour, a strong typhoon moved above the sea of 60 kilometers off the Miyakojima Island in Okinawa Prefecture in the evening of September 10 with picking up strength. The peak gust was registered at 43.5 meters per second in the Miyakojima Island which was in the storm zone. The typhoon is expected to pass by the island very closely in the early morning. The metrological agency forecasts the wind gusts of up to 80 meters per second in Miyakojima Island and 45 meters per second in Ishigakijima Island and issues the warnings on strong winds, heavy rains and high tides.

 

添削

 

“Typhoon No.14 Approaching to the Miyokojima Island”

 

Heading northwestward at a speed of 10 km per hour, a strong typhoon was moveding over the ocean above the sea of about 60 kilometers off the Miyakojima Island in Okinawa Prefecture in the evening of September 10, with picking up increasing its strength. The peak gust was registered at 43.5 meters per second inon the Miyakojima Island which was already in the storm zone. The typhoon is expected to pass by the island very closely in the early morning of September 11. The metrological agency forecasts the wind will gusts of up to 80 meters per second on in Miyakojima Island and 45 meters per second on in Ishigakijima Island and issues the a warnings to prepare for on strong winds, heavy rains and high tides.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

“Typhoon No.14 Approach Miyokojima Island”

 

Heading northwestward at a speed of 10 km per hour, a strong typhoon was moving over the ocean about 60 kilometers off Miyakojima Island in Okinawa Prefecture in the evening of September 10, increasing its strength. The peak gust was registered at 43.5 meters per second on Miyakojima Island which was already in the storm zone. The typhoon is expected to pass by the island very closely in the early morning of September 11. The metrological agency forecasts the wind will gust up to 80 meters per second on Miyakojima Island and 45 meters per second on Ishigakijima Island and issues a warning to prepare for strong winds, heavy rains and high tides.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 27 September 07

 

"Typhoon No.14 is Heading toward Miyako Island"

 

As of the night of September 10, the powerful typhoon No.14 was located about 60 kilometers east-southeast of Miyako Island, Okinawa Prefecture, and moving northwest at 10 kilometers per hour. The typhoon is forecasted to move closer to the island by morning, where the maximum instantaneous wind speed hit 43.5 kilometers per second. The maximum instantaneous wind speed will hit 80 meters per second on Miyako Island and 45 meters on Ishigaki Island, the meteorological agency forecasts, warning of heavy rains, strong winds and high waves.

 

添削

 

"Typhoon No.14 is Heading toward Miyako Island"

 

As of the night of September 10, the powerful typhoon No.14 was located about 60 kilometers east-southeast of Miyako Island, Okinawa Prefecture, and moving northwest at 10 kilometers per hour. By morning today, Tthe typhoon is forecasted to move closer to the island by morning, where the maximum instantaneous wind speed has already reached1 hit 43.5 kilometers per second. The maximum instantaneous wind speed will hit reach 80 meters per second on Miyako Island and 45 meters on Ishigaki Island, the meteorological agency forecasts, warning people of heavy rains, strong winds and high waves.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。細かな情報がよく整理されています。

 

1.       この瞬間風速はすでに観測されている、とすると次の二つの風速との関係がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Typhoon No.14 is Heading toward Miyako Island"

 

As of the night of September 10, the powerful typhoon No.14 was located about 60 kilometers east-southeast of Miyako Island, Okinawa Prefecture, and moving northwest at 10 kilometers per hour. By morning today, the typhoon is forecasted to move closer to the island where the maximum instantaneous wind speed has already reached 43.5 kilometers per second. The maximum instantaneous wind speed will reach 80 meters per second on Miyako Island and 45 meters on Ishigaki Island, the meteorological agency forecasts, warning people of heavy rains, strong winds and high waves.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(うえだ、2 Oct 03

 

“Typhoon Number 14 Approaches Miyako Island”

 

On the night of September 10, a very strong typhoon 14 was moving northwest at 10 kilometers an hour in the area 60 kilometers east-southeast of Miyako Island, Okinawa. The typhoon brought a strong storm to Miyako Island and the wind recorded the fastest speed of 43.5 meters a second. The typhoon is forecast to move close to Miyako Island by morning today. The Miyako Weather Observatory says that the wind speed of up to 80 meters a second is expected at Miyako Island and 45 meters a second at Ishigaki Island and warns people to prepare for strong winds and rains and a high tide.

 

添削

 

“Typhoon Number 14 Approaches Miyako Island”

 

On During the night of September 10, a very strong typhoon, Typhoon 141, was moving northwest at 10 kilometers an hour in the area 60 kilometers east-southeast of Miyako Island, Okinawa2. The typhoon brought a strong storm to Miyako Island and the highest wind speed recorded the fastest speed of was 43.5 meters a second. The typhoon is forecasted to move closer to Miyako Island by morning today. The Miyako Weather Observatory says that the a wind speed of up to 80 meters a second is expected at Miyako Island and 45 meters a second at Ishigaki Island. They are warning3 and warns people to prepare for strong winds, and rains and a high tide.

 

コメント

 

1.       北米ではハリケーンには女性の名前がアルファベット順につきますが、日本では番号だけですね。ここではこの台風の固有名詞、Typhoon 14を入れると、これが台風の名前だということがはっきりします。

 

2.       「猛烈な台風14号は9月10日夜、発達しながら沖縄県宮古島の東南東約60キロの海上を時速約10キロで北西へ進んだ。」のように事実関係を正確に英語で表現する必要のある文章です。うえださんは丁寧に英文で表現しています。この例では要点は「台風は時速10キロで北西に進んだ」ですから、まずこれを文の中心にして後は「9月10日夜」、「沖縄県宮古島の東南東約60キロの海上を」を文に付け足します。英文表現では近いものからだんだんに遠いものを文に入れていくことに注意してください。

 

3.       新しい文にしたほうが内容がはっきり読者に伝わります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Typhoon Number 14 Approaches Miyako Island”

 

During the night of September 10, a very strong typhoon, Typhoon 14, was moving northwest at 10 kilometers an hour in the area 60 kilometers east-southeast of Miyako Island, Okinawa. The typhoon brought a strong storm to Miyako Island and the highest wind speed recorded  was 43.5 meters a second. The typhoon is forecasted to move closer to Miyako Island by morning today. The Miyako Weather Observatory says that a wind speed of up to 80 meters a second is expected at Miyako Island and 45 meters a second at Ishigaki Island. They are warning people to prepare for strong winds, rain and a high tide.

 

 

練習問題 78 「出雲大社遺跡の巨大柱の年代測定」

 

出雲大社境内遺跡から出土した巨大柱の年代特定調査で、米国の調査機関の測定値が9月12日に判明した。既に報告された名古屋大学の調査結果と年代が重なり、古文書の記録から巨大柱は、1248年造営の本殿であることがほぼ確実となった。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 27 March 12

 

"Age Identification of Giant Pillars at Izumo Shrine” 

 

The result of age identification by an American research body on giant wooden pillars disinterred from the ruins in the grounds of the lzumo Taisha shrine was released on September 12. The age identified was congruent with the one already estimated by Nagoya University. Combined with the record in an ancient document, these age identifications make it almost certain that the pillars were those used in the main shrine built in 1248.

 

添削

 

"Age Identification of Giant Pillars at Izumo Shrine” 

 

The result of age identification by an American research body on of giant wooden pillars disinterred dug out from the ruins in the grounds of the lzumo Taisha shrine was released on September 12. The age identified matched was congruent with the one already estimated by Nagoya University. Combined with the record in an ancient document, these age identifications make it almost certain that the pillars were those used in the main shrine built in 1248.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Age Identification of Giant Pillars at Izumo Shrine” 

 

The result of age identification by an American research body of giant wooden pillars dug out from the ruins in the ground of the lzumo Taisha shrine was released on September 12. The age identified matched the one already estimated by Nagoya University. Combined with the record in an ancient document, these age identifications make it almost certain that the pillars were those used in the main shrine built in 1248.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 17 May 11

 

The Dating of Giant Pillars in the Izumo Taisya Shrine.

 

On September 12, the research agency in the United Stats officially announced the date of giant pillars found in the ruins of Izumo Taisya Shrine after they did their own investigation.

 

Along with the result of Nagoya University that already reported, the date that the agency identified was close. As a result of the record of the ancient books, it is certain that giant pillars were used in the main shrine built in 1248.

 

添削

 

The Dating of Giant Pillars at in the Izumo Taisha Taisya Shrine.

 

On September 12, the a research agency in the United Stats officially announced the date of the remains of1 giant pillars found at in the ruins of Izumo Taisya Taisha Shrine after they did their own investigation.

 

Along with the result of Nagoya University that already reported, tThe date that the agency in the United States identified was close to the result of a research by Nagoya University that had been already reported2. From As a result of the records in of the ancient books, it is now certain that the giant pillars were used in the ancient main shrine built in 1248.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       in the ruins of Izumo Taisha Shrineとすると「出雲大社の遺跡の中に」で、出雲大社自体が既に遺跡、という印象にもなります。添削でも完全にはっきりはしませんが、すこし良いようにおもいます。

 

2.       主語のthe dateを文頭に置いた方が内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Dating of Giant Pillars at Izumo Taisha Shrine.

 

On September 12, a research agency in the United Stats officially announced the date of the remains of giant pillars found at Izumo Taisha Shrine.

 

 The date that the agency in the United States identified was close to the result of a research by Nagoya University that had been already reported. From the records in  ancient books, it is now certain that the giant pillars were used in the ancient main shrine built in 1248.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 12 January 11

 

"Age Determination of a Giant Pillar in the Remains of Izumo Shrine”

 

On September 12, a research institution in the U.S. released the estimated age of a giant pillar unearthed in the remains of Izumo Shrine. The age of the pillar was close to the one already reported by a research team at Nagoya University. It is highly probable, from an ancient document, that the giant pillar was one of several that supported the shrine’s main building which was founded in 1248.

 

添削

 

"Age Determination of a Giant Pillars at in the Remains of1 Izumo Shrine”

 

On September 12, a research institution institute in the U.S. released the estimated age of a giant pillars unearthed at in the remains of Izumo Shrine. The age of the pillars was close to the one already reported by a research team at Nagoya University. It is highly probable, from an ancient document, that the giant pillars were was those one of several that supported the shrine’s old main building which was founded built in 1248.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

数本の巨大な柱の一番下の部分が平成12年に本殿前の八足門の横で発掘されました。言い伝えによるとここにあった本殿は高さが16丈(約50メートル)もあったそうですが、発掘された柱の太さはこの言い伝えを支持しています。わたしは発掘中にたまたま出雲大社を訪れて、この巨大柱を見ました。なお、添削ではin the remains of ~ を削除しました。これがあると、出雲大社自体が既に無い、という印象になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Age Determination of Giant Pillars at Izumo Shrine”

 

On September 12, a research institute in the U.S. released the estimated age of giant pillars unearthed at Izumo Shrine. The age of the pillars was close to the one already reported by a research team at Nagoya University. It is highly probable, from an ancient document, that the giant pillars were those that supported the shrine’s old main building which was built in 1248.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、9 October 07

 

“Identify the Age of a Giant Pillar of the Isumo Taisha Shine”

 

An American research institute identified on September 12 the age of a giant pillar excavated from the premises of the Izumo Taisha Shrine. The pillar’s age was different from the result of the Nagoya University which was previously reported. The pillar was found out belonging to the main shrine which was built in 1248 referencing the data with the ancient documents.

 

添削

 

Identify Identification of the Age of a Giant Pillar of the Isumo Taisha Shine”

 

An American research institute identified on September 12 the age of a giant pillar excavated from the premises of the Izumo Taisha Shrine. The pillar’s age was different close to an estimate done by from the result of a research team at the Nagoya University which was previously reported. According to these two researches and an ancient document, it is almost certain that Tthe pillar belonged was  found out belonging to the main shrine which was built in 1248 referencing the data with the ancient documents.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますがreferencing the data with the ancient documents.がわかり難いですね。また日本文の「既に報告された名古屋大学の調査結果と年代が重なり」と英文と内容が違いますね。この古い巨大柱の跡は現在の本殿のすぐ前にあり、私が六年前に出雲大社を訪れたときはちょうど発掘中でした。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Identification of the Age of a Giant Pillar of the Isumo Taisha Shine”

 

An American research institute identified on September 12 the age of a giant pillar excavated from the premises of the Izumo Taisha Shrine. The pillar’s age was close to an estimate done by a research team at Nagoya University. According to these two researches and an ancient document, it is almost certain that the pillar belonged to the main shrine which was built in 1248.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Aki, 27 Sept 03

 

“Date Determination of Large Wood Pillars from the Remains of Izumo Shrine”

 

On September 12, an estimate by an American research institute of the date of large wood pillars found from the remains of Izumo Shrine was made public. It matched closely to the one already reported by Nagoya University. Based on information from an old document about Izumo Shrine, the wood pillars are almost certainly those of the main building of the shrine that was built in 1248.

 

添削

 

“Date Determination of Large Wood Pillars from in the Remains of Izumo Shrine”

 

On September 12, an estimate by an American research institute1 of the date of large wood pillars found from in the remains of Izumo Shrine was made public. The dating was done by an American research institute1 and It closely matched closely to the one already reported by Nagoya University. Based on information from an old document about Izumo Shrine, the wood pillars are almost certainly those of the main building of the a2 shrine that was built in 1248.

 

コメント

 

Akiさんは「出雲大社境内遺跡から出土した巨大柱、1248年造営の本殿」など一見すると学術用語を必要とするような語句を平易な英語で表現しています。

 

1.       主語が長くなるので次の文に移しました。

 

2.       Izumo Shrineは出雲大社という組織名で、a shrineは出雲大社の建物の一つになります。歴史的に何回か建物が建造されたので、この文脈ではそのうちの一つの建物になりaが適当になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Date Determination of Large Wood Pillars in the Remains of Izumo Shrine”

 

On September 12, an estimate of the date of large wood pillars found in the remains of Izumo Shrine was made public. The dating was done by an American research institute and closely matched one already reported by Nagoya University. Based on information from an old document about Izumo Shrine, the wood pillars are almost certainly those of the main building of a shrine that was built in 1248.

 

 

練習問題 79 「自宅ポストに現金」

 

9月6日午前八時二十五分ごろ、さいたま市浦和区のマンションに住む会社員女性が、自宅ポストに現金50万円の入った封筒が差し込まれているのを見つけた。現金は茶色の横長洋封筒に、一万円札ばかり五十枚が入っていた。県内では6月、坂戸市で現金百二十万円、所沢市で約百八十八万円がそれぞれ民家に投げ込まれており、県警が関連を調べている。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 5 May 12

 

"Cash in a Mailbox”

 

Around 8:25 on the morning of September 6, a female office worker found an envelope containing 500 thousand yen in cash in the mail box of her apartment house at Urawa ward in Saitama City. Fifty ten-thousand-yen bills were in a brown horizontally long envelope. The prefectural police department is investigating the incident in light of the relationship with similar incidents occurred on June also in their jurisdiction. Cash of 1.2 million yen and 1.88 million yen were thrown into private homes in Sakado City and Tokorozawa City respectively.

 

添削

 

"Cash in a Mailbox”

 

Around 8:25 on the morning of September 6, a female office worker found an envelope containing 500 thousand yen in cash in the mail box of her apartment house at Urawa ward in Saitama City. Fifty pieces of ten-thousand-yen bills were in a brown mail horizontally long envelope. The prefectural police department is investigating the incident in light of the relationship with similar incidents occurred on June also in their jurisdiction. Cash of 1.2 million yen and 1.88 million yen were thrown into private homes in Sakado City and Tokorozawa City respectively.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Cash in a Mailbox”

 

Around 8:25 on the morning of September 6, a female office worker found an envelope containing 500 thousand yen in cash in the mail box of her apartment house at Urawa ward in Saitama City. Fifty pieces of ten-thousand-yen bills were in a brown mail envelope. The prefectural police department is investigating the incident in light of the relationship with similar incidents occurred on June also in their jurisdiction. Cash of 1.2 million yen and 1.88 million yen were thrown into private homes in Sakado City and Tokorozawa City respectively.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 18 May 11

 

Cash Thrown into Mailboxes

 

At 8:25 am on September 6, a female office worker living in an apartment at Urawa Ward, Saitama City, found an envelop containing 500 thousand yen in her mailbox. The brow landscape-shaped envelop that she found had fifty 10 thousand yen bills. There were two similar happenings that envelops with cash were thrown into private residents in the prefecture in June. One was the envelop containing 1.2milion yen in Itado City, another was the envelop containing 1.88million yen in Tokorozawa City.  The local police has investigated the association with these happenings in three cities.

 

添削

 

Cash Thrown into Mailboxes

 

At 8:25 am on September 6, a female office worker living in an apartment at in Urawa Ward, Saitama City, found an envelop containing 500 thousand yen in her mailbox. The brown landscape-shaped envelop that she found had fifty 10 thousand yen bills. There were two similar happenings that an1 envelops with cash was were thrown into a private residents in the prefecture in June. One was the an envelop containing 1.2milion yen in Itado City, another the other was an the envelop containing 1.88million yen in Tokorozawa City.  The local police is now has investigateding any the associations between with these happenings in the three cities.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       that節の内容の出来事が二つあった、でthat節の中の出来事は単数形になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Cash Thrown into Mailboxes

 

At 8:25 am on September 6, a female office worker living in an apartment in Urawa Ward, Saitama City, found an envelop containing 500 thousand yen in her mailbox. The brown landscape-shaped envelop that she found had fifty 10 thousand yen bills. There were two similar happenings that an envelop with cash was thrown into a private resident in the prefecture in June. One was an envelop containing 1.2milion yen in Itado City, the other was an envelop containing 1.88million yen in Tokorozawa City. The local police is now  investigating any associations between these happenings in the three cities.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 14 January 11

 

"Cash in a Mailbox”

 

At 8:25 a.m. on September 6, a woman office worker living in an apartment in Urawa Ward, Saitama City, found an envelop containing 500,000 yen in her mailbox. The cash was fifty ten-thousand-yen bills in a brown side-opening envelop. In Saitama Prefecture last fall, cash of 1,200,000 yen was thrown into a private residence in Sakado City and 1,880,000 yen in Tokorozawa City. The prefectural police are now investigating whether the three incidents are related to one another.

 

添削

 

"Cash in a Mailbox”

 

At 8:25 a.m. on September 6, a woman office worker living in an apartment in Urawa Ward, Saitama City, found an envelop containing 500,000 yen in her mailbox. The cash was fifty ten-thousand-yen bills in a brown side-opening envelop. In Saitama Prefecture last fall, cash of 1,200,000 yen was thrown into a private residence in Sakado City and 1,880,000 yen in Tokorozawa City. The prefectural police are now investigating whether the three incidents are related to one another.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、11 October 07

 

“Cash Thrown into a Mail Box”

 

Around 8:25 a.m. on September 6, a woman living in an apartment in Urawa Ward, Saitama City, found an envelope containing 500 thousand yen in cash in her mail-box. The brown side-opening envelope contained fifty ten-thousand-yen bills. There were similar cases in Saitama Prefecture in June. An envelope containing 1.2 million yen in cash was found at a private residence in Sakato City and another envelope with 1.88 million yen found in a private home in Tokorosawa City. The prefectural police are now investigating the relationship among three cases.

 

添削

 

“Cash Thrown into a Mail Box

 

Around 8:25 a.m. on September 6, a woman living in an apartment in Urawa Ward, Saitama City, found an envelope containing 500,000 thousand2 yen in cash in her mail-box. The brown side-opening envelope contained fifty ten-thousand-yen bills. There were similar cases in Saitama Prefecture in June. An envelope containing 1.2 million yen in cash was found thrown into at a private residence in Sakato City and another envelope with 1.88 million yen found was also thrown into a private home in Tokorosawa City. The prefectural police are now investigating the any relationships3 among three cases.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかりますが、cash was found at a private residenceというのがどういう状況なのか説明するとよいでしょう。

 

1.       題名が適切ですね。

 

2.       次の文にfifty ten-thousand-yen billsという表現が出てくるので、ここでは全体の金額のことだとはっきりするために500,000 yenとするとよいでしょう。

 

3.       まだ関係があるかどうかわからないので、any relationshipsとします。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Cash Thrown into a Mail Box”

 

Around 8:25 a.m. on September 6, a woman living in an apartment in Urawa Ward, Saitama City, found an envelope containing 500,000 yen in cash in her mailbox. The brown side-opening envelope contained fifty ten-thousand-yen bills. There were similar cases in Saitama Prefecture in June. An envelope containing 1.2 million yen in cash was thrown into  a private residence in Sakato City and another envelope with 1.88 million yen was also thrown into a private home in Tokorosawa City. The prefectural police are now investigating any relationships among three cases.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Kozo, 9 Oct 03

 

“Cash in a Post Box”

 

At 8:25 am on September 6, a woman office worker in the mansion in Urawa City, Saitama, found an envelope with 500,000 yen in her post box. The cash was inside an rectangular western style brown envelope in 50 ten thousand notes. In Saitama Prefecture, 1,250,000 yen in Sakato City and 1,800,000 yen in Tokorozawa City were thrown into private residences in June. The prefectural police is investigating their relationships.

 

添削

 

“Cash in a Post Box”

 

At 8:25 am on September 6, a woman office worker in the mansion an apartment1 in Urawa City, Saitama, found an envelope with 500,000 yen in her post box. The cash was inside an rectangular western style brown landscape envelope in 50 ten thousand yen notes. In Saitama Prefecture, 1,250,000 yen in Sakato City and 1,800,000 yen in Tokorozawa City were thrown into private residences in June. The prefectural police is are2 investigating their relationships if these incidents were related3.

 

コメント

 

1.       マンションにはいろいろな呼び名がついていますが、普通名詞としてはapartmentです。

 

2.       組織としての警察は複数名詞でthe police are investigating the incident.というように使います。冠詞をつけないで使うと、I saw more than one hundred police guarding the building. というように警察官の複合名詞になります。

 

3.       添削のようにすると内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Cash in a Post Box”

 

At 8:25 am on September 6, a woman office worker in an apartment in Urawa City, Saitama, found an envelope with 500,000 yen in her post box. The cash was inside an western style brown landscape envelope in 50 ten thousand yen notes. In Saitama Prefecture, 1,250,000 yen in Sakato City and 1,800,000 yen in Tokorozawa City were thrown into private residences in June. The prefectural police are investigating  if these incidents were related.

 

 

練習問題 80 「浜名湖がスロースリップを開始」

 

国土地理院は東海地域の地殻変動をGPS(衛星利用測位システム)で観測しているが、浜名湖がスロースリップを始めているのを見つけた。2000年後半に浜名湖の直下を中心に始まったスリップは、2001年中ごろに高まりを迎えたものの、2002年初めにかけてやや減速傾向を示し、止まる方向に向かうようにも見えた。ところが、2002年中ごろに再び高まりを見せ、現在も続いている。

 

読書からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 5 May 12

 

"Aseismic Slip Ongoing at Lake Hamana” 

 

The Geographical Survey Institute found that Lake Hamana had begun to silently and slowly move (technically called a slow slip) again while it was monitoring tectonic deformations in the Tokai region using the global positioning system (GPS). The slow slip started right beneath the lake in the latter half of 2000. After hitting its peak in the middle of 2001, the slip slowed down towards the beginning of 2002, showing a sign of ending. However, it started again in the middle of 2002 and has been continuing ever since.

 

添削

 

"A Land Aseismic1 Slip Ongoing at Lake Hamana” 

 

The Geographical Survey Institute found that Lake Hamana had begun to silently and slowly move (technically called slow slip) again while it was monitoring tectonic deformations in the Tokai region using the global positioning system (GPS). The slow slip started right beneath the lake in the latter half of 2000. After hitting its peak in the middle of 2001, the slip slowed down towards the beginning of 2002, showing a sign of ending. However, it started again in the middle of 2002 and has been continuing ever since.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       やさしい言葉を探しましたが適当なものが見つからず、一番やさしい言葉にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

"A Land Slip Ongoing at Lake Hamana” 

 

The Geographical Survey Institute found that Lake Hamana had begun to silently and slowly move (technically called slow slip) again while it was monitoring tectonic deformations in the Tokai region using the global positioning system (GPS). The slow slip started right beneath the lake in the latter half of 2000. After hitting its peak in the middle of 2001, the slip slowed down towards the beginning of 2002, showing a sign of ending. However, it started again in the middle of 2002 and has been continuing ever since.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 20 May 11

 

Geomorphic Slow Slip Starts at Hamana Lake

 

The Geographical Survey Institution of Japan found while observing the crustal movement in the Tokai Region using a GPS that a geomorphic slow slip phenomenon beneath Hamana Lake already started.

 

According the observation of the institution, the slow slip got started right beneath Hamana Lake in the second half of 2000 and its speed was increasing in the middle of 2001. However it tended to slow down and showed a sign of stop in the beginning of 2002, but its speed restarted increasing in the middle of 2002 and still continues today.

 

添削

 

Geomorphic Slow Slip Starts at Hamana Lake Hamana

 

The Geographical Survey Institution Institute of Japan found that a geomorphic slow slop had started again1 beneath Lake Hamana while the institute was observing the crustal movement in the Tokai Rregion using a GPS device that a geomorphic slow slip phenomenon beneath Hamana Lake already started.

 

According to the observation of the institution, the slow slip got started right beneath Hamana Lake in the second half of 2000 and its speed was increasinged in the middle of 2001. However The speed of the slip it tended to slowed down and showed a sign of stopping in the beginning of 2002., bBut its the speed restarted increasing again in the middle of 2002 and has been2 still increasing since then continues today.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       主題を文の最初に置いたほうが読みやすくなります。時制は観測した時点(observed)で既に始まっていたのでhad startedとなります(過去―過去完了)。

 

2.       2002年以降現在までずっと続いているのでhas been increasingとなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Geomorphic Slow Slip Starts at Lake Hamana

 

The Geographical Survey Institute of Japan found that a geomorphic slow slop had started again beneath Lake Hama while the institute was observing the crustal movement in the Tokai region using a GPS device.

 

According to the observation, the slow slip started right beneath Hamana Lake in the second half of 2000 and its speed increased in the middle of 2001. The speed of the slip slowed down and showed a sign of stopping in the beginning of 2002. But the speed restarted increasing again in the middle of 2002 and has been still increasing since then.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 15 January 11

 

"Slow-Slip Phenomenon Have been Observed around Lake Hamana”

 

An analysis of Global Positioning System (GPS) by the Geographical Survey Institute has revealed slow-slip phenomenon, or subtle movements of the Earth’s crust, around Lake Hamana in the Tokai region.

 

The slow-slip phenomenon started just beneath Lake Hamana in the late 2000 and increased up to the middle of 2001. This trend turned downward in the beginning of 2002 with the movements expected to stop. In the middle of 2002, however, they have started to increase again. The phenomenon is still continuing at present.

添削

 

"Slow-Slip Phenomenon Have Has been Observed around Lake Hamana1

 

An analysis of by the Global Positioning System (GPS) of by the Geographical Survey Institute of Japan has revealed a slow-slip phenomenon, or subtle movements of the Earth’s crust, around Lake Hamana in the Tokai region.

 

The slow-slip phenomenon started just beneath Lake Hamana in the late 2000 and increased its speed until up to the middle of 2001. The speed slowed down2 This trend turned downward in the beginning of 2002, raising an expectation that with the movements would eventually expected to stop3. In the middle of 2002, however, the speed of slippage4 they  have has started to increase again. The phenomenon is still continuing at present.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       Lake Hamana began slipping away againというようなeye-catchingな題名もつけられます。

 

2.       具体的に何を指すかはっきりさせるとよいでしょう。

 

3.       投稿のままでも内容はわかりますが、添削のほうが丁寧な表現になります。

 

4.       ここも代名詞よりそのもの自体を表現した方がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Slow-Slip Phenomenon Has been Observed around Lake Hamana”

 

An analysis by the Global Positioning System (GPS) of the Geographical Survey Institute of Japan has revealed a slow-slip phenomenon, or subtle movements of the Earth’s crust, around Lake Hamana in the Tokai region.

 

The slow-slip phenomenon started just beneath Lake Hamana in the late 2000 and increased its speed until the middle of 2001. The speed slowed down in the beginning of 2002, raising an expectation that the movements would eventually stop. In the middle of 2002, however, the speed of slippage has started to increase again. The phenomenon is still continuing at present.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、21 October 07

 

“Slow Slip Starts at Hamana Lake ”

 

The Geographical Survey Institute found that a slow slip event was progressing at the Lake Hamana while it was observing the tectonic activities in the Tokai area with global positioning system (GPS).

 

The slow slip event started at the right beneath of the Hamana Lake in late of 2000 and its movement culminated in middle of 2001. At the beginning of 2002, the slow slip decreased its speed with showing a sign of stopping. But in middle of 2002, it restarted and is continuing now.

 

添削

 

“Slow Geologic1 Slipping Starts Again at Hamana Lake Hamada

 

The Geographical Survey Institute of Japan found that a slow geologic slipping event was progressing at the Lake Hamana while it was observing the tectonic activities in the Tokai area by the use of with the global positioning system (GPS).

 

The slow slipping event started at the right beneath of the Lake Hamana Lake in the second half late of 2000 and its movement culminated in the middle of 2001. At the beginning of 2002, however, the slow slipping decreased its speed, with showing a sign of eventually stopping soon. But in the middle of 2002, it started again restarted and has been is continuing since then now.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。文章を二つの段落に分けたので、第二段落の内容がわかりやすいですね。

 

1.       何がすべったのかわからないので、geological slipping 「地質学的に滑ること」とするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Slow Geologic Slipping Starts Again at Lake Hamada”

 

The Geographical Survey Institute of Japan found that a slow geologic slipping was progressing at Lake Hamana while it was observing tectonic activities in the Tokai area by the use of the global positioning system (GPS).

 

The slow slipping started right beneath Lake Hamana in the second half of 2000 and  culminated in the middle of 2001. At the beginning of 2002, however, the slipping decreased its speed, showing a sign of eventually stopping soon. But in the middle of 2002, it started again and has been continuing since then .

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Momo, 17 Oct 03

 

“Geographical Slipping of Lake Hamana”

 

The Geographical Survey Institute of Japan has been observing geographical slipping in the area by using the Global Positioning System and found that Lake Hamana started geographically slipping again. Geographical slipping started in the latter half of 2000 at the location below Lake Hamana and accelerated by mid-2001. By early 2002, it appeared to slow down and was expected to stop. But it started slipping again by mid-2002.

 

添削

 

Geographical Geological Slipping of Lake Hamana”

 

The Geographical Survey Institute of Japan found that Lake Hamana has1 started geological graphical slipping again2. The Institute has been observing geographical geological slipping in the area by using the a Global Positioning System. and found that Lake Hamana started geographically slipping again. Geological Geographical slipping3 started in the latter half of 2000 at the a location below Lake Hamana and had accelerated by mid-2001. By early 2002, it appeared to slow down and was expected to stop.. But hHowever, it had started slipping again by mid-2002.

 

コメント

 

時期の関係が大事な内容になっている文章ですね。英文でこの時期の関係を正確に表現することが大切になります。

 

1.       スロースリップが漠然とした過去に起こったのではなくてごく最近また始まったことを強調するには過去形ではなくて現在完了形を使います。

 

2.       スロースリップがまた始まった、ことがこの文章のキーセンテンスになるので文章の初めに移動して強調しました。

 

3.       Momoさんはスロースリップを主語にすることによって、スロースリップの歴史をわかりやすく表現しています。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Geological Slipping of Lake Hamana”

 

The Geographical Survey Institute of Japan found that Lake Hamana has started geological  slipping again. The Institute has been observing geological slipping in the area using a Global Positioning System. Geological slipping started in the latter half of 2000 at a location below Lake Hamana and had accelerated by mid-2001. By early 2002, it appeared to slow down and was expected to stop. However, it had started slipping again by mid-2002.