中級練習問題の添削 ６１-７０
中級問題 ６１ 「線路から消えた老女」(28 Aug 03)
(13 Aug 07) (25 Aug 07) (26 Nov 08)
(4 Nov 10) (5 April 11) (16 Feb 12)
中級問題 ６２ 「町内を無線ＬＡＮで接続」(28 Aug 03)
(21 Aug 07) (27 Aug 07)
(5 Nov 10) (8 April 11) (21 Feb 12) (15
September 19)
中級問題 ６３ 「サーファーが海岸のごみ掃除」(28 Aug
03) (13 Feb 07) (29 Aug 07)
(7 Nov 10) (8 April 11) (22 Feb 12) (17 Sept
19)
中級問題 ６４ 「図書館の日本の戦争コーナーを設置」(18
Sept 03) (4 Dec 06) (7 Sept 07)
(1 Feb 09) (7 Nov 10) (12 April 11) (22 Feb
12) (19 Sept 19)
中級問題 ６５ 「青色ダイオードの集魚灯」(9 Sept 03)
(9 Sept 07) (5 Feb 09) (7 Nov 10)
(12 April 11) (27 Feb 12) (21 Sept 19)
中級問題 ６６ 「屋上緑化の問題点」(15 Sept 03) (11 Sept 07) (6 Feb 09) (11
Nov 10)
(15 April 11) (27 Feb 12) (23 Sept 19)
中級問題 ６６B 「廃棄炭鉱の火事」(12 Sept 07) (14 Feb
09) (14 Dec 10) (15 April 11)
(29 Feb 12) (26 Sept 19)
中級問題 ６７ 「浅間山の噴火」(23 Sept 03) (20
Sept 07) (21 Dec 10) (16 April 11)
(4 March 12) (27 Sept 19)
中級問題 ６８ 「インターネットの架空請求」(15 Sept
03) (24 Sept 07) (31 Jan 10)
(19 Dec 10) (16 April 11) (4 March 12) (29
Sept 19)
中級問題 ６９ 「国民年金保険料の強制徴収」(4 Sept 03)
(17 June 07) (27 Sept 07)
(20 April 11) (4 March 12) (1 Oct 19)
中級問題 ７０ 「うどんタクシー」(23 Sept 23) (24
Aug 07) (28 Sept 07) (15 July 08)
(21 Dec 10) (22 April 11) (12 March 12)
８月１２日午後１時４０分ごろ、東北線清水川－狩場沢間を走行していた回送列車（六両編成）の運転士が、前方の線路内にリュックサックを背負った老女がいるのに気付き、急ブレーキをかけて停止した。運転士は「接触したかもしれない」と感じ警察に連絡、救急車も手配したが、周辺をいくら捜しても、老女の姿はなく、車両にも接触した形跡はなかった。
読者からの投稿 ８（Suzume,
10 September 19）
At around 1:40 pm on August 12, when a driver of
deadhead train (six cars long) was traveling from Shimizugawa to Karibasawa on
the Tohoku Line, he found that an old woman wearing a backpack in a railroad
line ahead of the train and brought the train to an emergency stop. As the
driver thought that he might have hit her, he called the police and an
ambulance. However, no matter how much the parties concerned searched, they
could never discover anything at all. There was neither such an old woman nor
sign of the accident on the train.
添削
At around 1:40 pm on August 12, when a driver of
deadhead train (six cars long) was traveling from Shimizugawa to Karibasawa on
the Tohoku Line, he saw found that
an old woman wearing a backpack in the a railroad line ahead
of the train and brought the train to an emergency stop. As Tthe
driver
feared thought that he might have hit her ,and he called the police
and an ambulance. However, no matter how much they the parties
concerned searched her, they could not never
discover anything at all. There was neither such an old woman
nor any sign
of the accident on the train.
コメント
内容のすべてがわかります。不思議な話ですね。私はゴルフでフェアウェイの真ん中に打ったはずのボールがいくら見つけて見つからない、というミステリーによく遭遇します。
添削後の文章
At around 1:40 pm on August 12, when a driver of deadhead
train (six cars long) was traveling from Shimizugawa to Karibasawa on the
Tohoku Line, he saw an old woman wearing a backpack in the railroad line ahead
of the train and brought the train to an emergency stop. The driver feared that
he might have hit her and called the police and an ambulance. However, no
matter how much they searched her, they could not discover anything at all.
There was neither an old woman nor any sign of the accident on the train.
読者からの投稿 ７（mxtomi, 16 February 12）
"Old Woman Disappearing from Railway”
Around 1:40 on the afternoon of August 12, the train
driver of a six-car out-of-service train running between Shimizukawa and
Karibasawa on the Tohoku Line slammed on the brakes, as he found an old woman
wearing a backpack on the tracks ahead. Thinking that the train might have hit
her, the driver called the police and an ambulance. Strangely, despite their
thorough search of the area around, no trace of the woman was found. There were
no signs of physical contact on the train either.
添削
"An Old Woman Disappearing
from the
Railway”
Around 1:40 on the afternoon of August 12, the train
driver of a six-car out-of-service train running between Shimizukawa and
Karibasawa on the Tohoku Line slammed on the brakes, as he found an old
woman wearing a backpack on the railway tracks ahead. Thinking
that the train might have hit her, the driver called the police and an
ambulance. Strangely, despite their thorough search of the area around, no
trace of the woman was found. There were no signs of physical contact on the
train either.
コメント
内容の総てがわかります。わかりやすい物語の構成です。
添削後の文章
"An Old Woman Disappear from the Railway”
Around 1:40 on the afternoon of August 12, the train driver
of a six-car out-of-service train running between Shimizukawa and Karibasawa on
the Tohoku Line slammed on the brake, as he found an old woman wearing a
backpack on the railway track ahead. Thinking that the train might have hit
her, the driver called the police and an ambulance. Strangely, despite their
thorough search of the area around, no trace of the woman was found. There were
no signs of physical contact on the train either.
読者からの投稿 ６（Lucca, 5 April 11）
「An
old woman disappeared from the track」
At 13:40 on August 12, While a train driver was
operating a deadhead train (seven-car train) between Kiyomizugawa and
karibazaki on Tohoku line, the driver found an old woman who shouldered her bag
in front in the track and stopped the train in a hurry. The driver called the
police and an ambulance because the driver was feeling he might give her
injuries. But strangely the old woman was not there even though the police and
the driver looked for her around there. The train did not leave any scars in this
accident.
添削
「”An old woman disappeared from the railway track”」1
At 13:40 on August 12, While a train driver
was operating a deadhead train (a seven-car train) between
Kiyomizugawa and kKaribazaki on the
Tohoku line.,
Suddenly2, the
driver found an old woman with who a shouldered her
bag on the
track in front in the track and stopped the
train in a hurry. The driver called the police and an ambulance because the he thought the
train hit her3 driver was feeling he might give her injuries.
But strangely the old woman was not found anywhere there even though the
police and the driver looked for her carefully around there. The train did
not have leave
any dent
either scars in this accident.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. 英文には「～」という記号は無いので “ ~”とするか、またはAn Old Woman
Disappeared from the Railway Trackとします。
2. 前の文のwhileをとって独立の文にしたので、ここでは前の文とのつながりをつけるためにSuddenlyと文を始めました。
3. 日本語の表現に捕らわれずに、内容を簡単に表現するとよいでしょう。
添削後の文章
”An old woman disappeared from the railway track”
At 13:40 on August 12, a train driver was operating a
deadhead train (a seven-car train) between Kiyomizugawa and Karibazaki on the
Tohoku line. Suddenly, the driver found an old woman with a shoulder bag on the
track and stopped the train in a hurry. The driver called the police and an
ambulance because he thought the train hit her. But strangely the old woman was
not found anywhere though the police and the driver looked for her carefully
around. The train did not have any dent either.
読者からの投稿 ５（Kalo, 4 November 10）
"An Old Woman Disappeared from the Railroad
Track”
Around at 1:40 p.m. on August 12, a train made an
emergency stop because the train driver found an old lady with a backpack on
her back on the railroad track. The six-car train was out-of-service, running
between Shimizugawa and Karibasawa on the Tohoku Line. The train driver thought
that the train might have hit the woman, so he called the police and an
ambulance. They searched for her around the railroad track but couldn’t find
out her. Also, there was even no trace of bump on the train.
添削
"An Old Woman Disappeared from the Railroad
Track”
Around at 1:40 p.m. on August 12, a train made an
emergency stop between Shimizugawa and Karibasawa on the Tohoku
Line because the train driver found an old lady with a backpack on
her back on the railroad track. The six-car train was out-of-service at that time., running between
Shimizugawa and Karibasawa on the Tohoku Line. The train driver
thought that the train might have hit the woman, so he and
called the police and an ambulance. They searched for her around the railroad
track together1 but
couldn’t find her out her. Also, tThere
was even
no trace of bump on the train either.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. togetherを入れるとtheyが誰だかわかりやすくなります。
添削後の文章
"An Old Woman Disappeared from the Railroad
Track”
Around at 1:40 p.m. on August 12, a train made an
emergency stop between Shimizugawa and Karibasawa on the Tohoku Line because
the train driver found an old lady with a backpack on her back on the railroad
track. The six-car train was out-of-service at that time.. The train driver
thought that the train might have hit the woman and called the police and an
ambulance. They searched for her around the railroad track together but couldn’t
find her out. There was no trace of bump on the train either.
読者からの投稿 ４（つぶあんこ、26 November 08）
An old woman who disappears out of the railway track
Around 1:40 pm, on August twelve, a railway driver
found ahead an old woman carrying a rucksack on her back on the railway track.
So he suddenly stopped the off-duty train (the six coach train) running between
Kiyokawa River Station and Karibazawa Station on the Tohoku line. The driver
supposed that he might have hit the woman and called the police and even an
ambulance. But there was no trace of the woman around there no matter how hard
he tried to find. And even there was no scratch on the train as well.
添削
An old woman who disappears from out of
the railway track
Around 1:40 pm, on August twelve twelfth , a railway train driver
found ahead
an old woman carrying a rucksack on her back on the railway track. So he suddenly
immediately
stopped his the off-duty train
(the six coach train) running between Kiyokawa River Station and Karibazawa
Station on the Tohoku line1. The driver supposed was afraid that
he might have hit the woman and called the police and even an ambulance. They searched
for the woman together. But there was no trace of the woman anywhere around there
no matter how hard they he tried to find her.
And even
there was no scratch on the train either as well.
コメント
内容の総てがわかります。
1. 日本文の最初の長い文の内容をどのように英文で整理したらよいか、が問題ですね。事件を時間を追って記述して、Around 1:40 pm on August 12, a train driver was
running an off-duty train between Kiyokawa River Station and Karibazawa Station
on the Tohoku line. All of a sudden, he saw an old woman with a rucksack on her
back standing on the railway track and immediately stopped the train. とするか、「つぶあんこ」さんのような順序にするか選択があります。状況を説明してから事件を記述するか、事件を最初に記述してから状況を説明するかです。どちらかわかりやすいかは、それぞれの状況によるでしょう。この例題ではどちらだと思いますか？
添削後の文章
An old woman disappears from the railway track
Around 1:40 pm, on August twelfth, a train driver
found an old woman carrying a rucksack on her back on the railway track. So he
immediately stopped his off-duty train (the six coach train) running between
Kiyokawa River Station and Karibazawa Station on the Tohoku line. The driver
was afraid that he might have hit the woman and called the police and even an
ambulance. They searched for the woman together. But there was no trace of the
woman anywhere no matter how hard they tried to find her. And there was no
scratch on the train either.
読者からの投稿 ３（さくら、25 Aug 07）
“Old Woman Disappeared from the Railroad”
Around 1:40 p.m. on August 12, the driver of an
off-duty train (with six carriages) running between Simizugawa and Karibazawa on
Tohoku Line noticed that there was an old woman carrying the rucksack on her shoulders
on the railroad ahead and immediately braked to let the train stop. The driver
thought “the train must have hit her” and reported to the police and called an
ambulance. They searched the area but found no trace of the woman. They could
not find any mark of bump on the train, either.
添削
“An Old Woman Disappeared from the
Railroad”
Around 1:40 p.m. on August 12, the driver of an
off-duty train (with six carriages) running between Simizugawa and Karibazawa on the Tohoku
Line noticed that there was an old woman carrying the a rucksack
on her shoulders on the railroad ahead and immediately braked to let
the train to
stop. The driver thought, “the train I2
must have hit her,” and reported called to
the police and called an ambulance. They searched the
area but found no trace of the woman. They could not find any mark of bump on
the train, either1.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。状況がよくわかる英文です。
こういう時はIを主語にして考えるとおもいます。確かにぶつかったのは列車ですが。
添削後の文章
“An Old Woman Disappeared from the Railroad”
Around 1:40 p.m. on August 12, the driver of an
off-duty train (with six carriages) running between Simizugawa and Karibazawa on the
Tohoku Line noticed that there was an old woman carrying a rucksack on her shoulders
on the railroad ahead and immediately braked the train to stop. The driver thought, “
I must have hit her,” and called the police and an ambulance. They searched the
area but found no trace of the woman. They could not find any mark of bump on
the train, either.
読者からの投稿 ２（あすか、13 August 07）
“An Old Woman Disappeared from the Railway Track”
At 1:40 pm on August 12, an out-of-service(six-car)
train suddenly stopped between Shimizugawa and Karibazawa on the Tohoku line
because the train conductor found an old woman with a backpack inside of the
rail track ahead. As the conductor thought that he might hit her, immediately
he called the police and arranged
for an ambulance. Strange to say but no matter how much they searched for the
old woman, they couldn't find her. Even the train had no traces of
accident.
添削
“An Old Woman Disappeareds1 from
the Railway Track”
At 1:40 pm on August 12, an out-of-service (six-car)
train suddenly stopped between Shimizugawa and Karibazawa on the Tohoku line
because the train conductor driver2 found
an old woman with a backpack inside of the rail track ahead.3 As tThe
conductor driver thought
that he might have hit her, and immediately
he called
the police and arranged for an
ambulance. Strange to say but no matter how much they searched for the old
woman
along the railway track, they couldn't find her. Even the train
had no traces of the accident.
コメント
1. 新聞の見出しは、過去の出来事でも現在形で表現することが多いです。現在形の方が一目見出しを見たときの印象が強いのでしょう。８月１２日といえばお盆に近いですね。
2. a driverが運転士、a conductorが車掌です。
3. 内容の順序を少し変えると次のようになります。At about 1:40 pm on August 12, an
out-of-service train was running between Shimizugawa and Karibazawa on the
Tohoku line. All of a sudden, the driver of the train saw an old women with a
backpack on the train track ahead. He pulled the emergency brake and stopped
the train.とすると運転士が文章の主人公になるので、少し臨場感が増加するように思えますが、どうでしょうか。
添削後の文章
“An Old Woman Disappears from the Railway Track”
At 1:40 pm on August 12, an out-of-service (six-car)
train suddenly stopped between Shimizugawa and Karibazawa on the Tohoku line because
the train driver found an old woman with a backpack inside of the rail track
ahead. The driver thought that he might have hit her and immediately
called the police and an ambulance. Strange to say but no matter how much they
searched for the old woman along the railway track, they couldn't find her.
Even the train had no traces of the accident.
読者からの投稿 １（Momo, 28 Aug 03）
“An Old Woman Disappears from the Railway Track”
At about 1:40 p.m. on August 12 the motorman of an
out-of-service train with six cars, which was running between Shimizugawa and
Karibazawa on the Tohoku line saw an old woman with a knapsack in front of the
train on the train track. The motorman pulled an emergency brake and stopped
the train. He felt that the train might hit her and immediately called the
police and asked for an ambulance. They searched for the old woman everywhere
around the train but could not find her. They could not find any evidence
indicating that the train had hit or run over the old woman either.
添削
“An Old Woman Disappears from the Railway Track”
At about 1:40 p.m. on August 12, the motorman of an
out-of-service train with six cars which was running between Shimizugawa and
Karibazawa on the Tohoku line1. The motorman
of the train saw an old woman with a knapsack in front of the train on
the train track ahead. The motorman pulled an the emergency
brake and stopped the train. He felt was afraid2 that
the train might have hit her and immediately called
the police and asked for an ambulance. They searched
for the old woman everywhere around the train but could not find her. They also checked
the train carefully but3 could not find any
evidence
dent or mark4 that could
indicate indicating that the train had hit or
run over the old woman either.
コメント
1. 怪談のような話ですので物語のように順序良く英文で表現すれば面白くなります。日本文の最初の文は長いので英文では短い文に分解するとよいでしょう。
2. 「運転士は接触したかもしれないと感じ」の「感じ」は運転士が列車が老女と接触したショックを本当に感じたのかもしれませんが、ここでは｢思った｣にしました。ショックを感じたのならば、He thought that he felt a faint shock of hitting
the old woman and immediately called the police and an ambulance.と表現しても良いでしょう。
3. 日本文には省略されている部分を入れて説明的にしました。
4. 添削のように具体的にすると良いと思います。
添削後の文章
“An Old Woman Disappears from the Railway Track”
At about 1:40 p.m. on August 12, an out-of-service
train with six cars was running between Shimizugawa and Karibazawa on the
Tohoku line. The motorman of the train saw an old woman with a knapsack on the
train track ahead. The motorman pulled the emergency brake and stopped the
train. He was afraid that the train might have hit her and immediately called
the police and an ambulance. They searched for the old woman everywhere around
the train but could not find her. They also checked the train carefully but
could not find any dent or mark that could indicate that the train had hit or
run over the old woman.
岐阜県岩村町では全国の自治体で初めての試みの町内すべてで使用可能な無線ＬＡＮシステムの敷設を行う。町役場など公共施設を拠点に約四十の基地局を設置。総延長約二十五キロの光ファイバーで基地局を結び、基地局から無線で端末に情報を送る。約３６平方キロメートルの町内のほぼ全域を、無線ＬＡＮでカバーすることになる。
町内のどこからでもインターネットに接続できるほか、無線で情報をやりとりできるため、携帯電話でテレビのビデオ録画や、ドアの開閉といった情報家電の実用化が可能になる。
読者からの投稿 ７（Suzume,
15 September 19）
In Iwamura Town, Gifu Prefecture, the municipal
authority will lay out a Wi-Fi system which will allow all the residents in the
town to enjoy internet access via Wi-Fi for the first time out of all the local
governments throughout the country. They will set up about 40 base stations on
public facilities such as public halls. All the base stations will be connected
through fiber-optic cables whose total length will be about 25 kilometers. Each
base station will transmit information to wireless terminals such as cellular
phones and tablet computers. The system will cover almost the whole area of the
town which is about 36 square kilometers in size, so you will be able to use the
internet from everywhere in the town. Besides that, it will enable the
practical application of the home information appliances. By using your
cellular phone, you will be able to record TV programs on your recording device
in your house and also lock and unlock your house’s doors from a distance.
添削
In Iwamura Town, Gifu Prefecture, the municipal
authority will lay out a Wi-Fi system which will allow all the residents in the
town to enjoy internet access via Wi-Fi for the first time among out of
all the local governments throughout the country. They The town will
set up about 40 base stations on public facilities such as public halls. All
the base stations will be connected through fiber-optic cables whose total
length will be about 25 kilometers. Each base station will transmit information
to wireless terminals such as cellular phones and tablet computers. The system
will cover almost the whole area of the town which is about 36 square
kilometers in size, so the residents you will be able to
use the internet from everywhere in the town. Besides that, it the system will
enable the practical application of the home information appliances. By using your cellular
phone, you
the residents will be able to record
TV programs on your recording devices
in their
your house and also lock and unlock their your
house’s doors from a distance.
コメント
内容のすべてがわかります。
添削後の文章
In Iwamura Town, Gifu Prefecture, the municipal
authority will lay out a Wi-Fi system which will allow all the residents in the
town to enjoy internet access via Wi-Fi for the first time among all the local governments throughout the
country. The town will set up about 40 base stations on public facilities such
as public halls. All the base stations will be connected through fiber-optic
cables whose total length will be about 25 kilometers. Each base station will
transmit information to wireless terminals such as cellular phones and tablet
computers. The system will cover almost the whole area of the town which is
about 36 square kilometers in size, so the residents will be able to use the
internet from everywhere in the town. Besides that, the system will enable the
practical application of the home information appliances. By using cellular
phone, the residents will be able to record TV programs on recording devices in
their house and also lock and unlock their house’s doors from a distance.
読者からの投稿 ６（mxtomi, 21 February 12）
"Making a Whole Town Ubiquitous Computing”
The Town of Iwamura in Gifu Prefecture is going to
build a wireless LAN accessible from anywhere in the town, making it the first
municipality in Japan to have such a fantastic IT infrastructure installed. The
town will set up about 40 base stations at public facilities like its town
office and connect these stations to each other with 25 kilometer optical fiber
cables to enable base stations to transmit wireless information to terminals or
end-users’ equipment in the town. The network essentially covers the whole of
36 square kilometers town thus allowing its residents to access the Internet
from anywhere in the town. This ubiquitous communication environment also
allows them to put intelligent home appliances into practical use. They will
soon be able to use their cell phones for transmitting signals to home
appliances and to open/close doors and/or to start recording TV programs on a
VCR.
添削
"Making a Whole Town Connected by Wireless
Communications Ubiquitous Computing”
The Town of Iwamura in Gifu Prefecture is going to
build a wireless LAN accessible from anywhere in the town, making it the first
municipality in Japan to have such a fantastic IT infrastructure installed. The
town will set up about 40 base stations at public facilities like its town
office and connect these stations to each other with 25 kilometer optical fiber
cables to enable base stations to transmit wireless information to terminals or
end-users’ equipment in the town. The network essentially covers the whole of
36 square kilometers town thus allowing its residents to access the Internet
from anywhere in the town. This ubiquitous communication environment also
allows them to put intelligent home appliances into practical use. They will
soon be able to use their cell phones for transmitting signals to home appliances
and to open/close doors and/or to start recording TV programs on a VCR.
コメント
題名が不明確ですが、本文の内容は総てわかります。
添削後の文章
"Making a Whole Town Connected by Wireless
Communications ”
The Town of Iwamura in Gifu Prefecture is going to
build a wireless LAN accessible from anywhere in the town, making it the first
municipality in Japan to have such a fantastic IT infrastructure installed. The
town will set up about 40 base stations at public facilities like its town
office and connect these stations to each other with 25 kilometer optical fiber
cables to enable base stations to transmit wireless information to terminals or
end-users’ equipment in the town. The network essentially covers the whole of
36 square kilometers town thus allowing its residents to access the Internet
from anywhere in the town. This ubiquitous communication environment also
allows them to put intelligent home appliances into practical use. They will
soon be able to use their cell phones for transmitting signals to home appliances
and to open/close doors and/or to start recording TV programs on a VCR.
読者からの投稿 ５（Lucca, 8 April 11）
Connecting Wireless LAN in the Town
Iwamura town's government in Gifu prefecture has
decided to connect usable wireless LAN from everywhere in the town. It is the
first time for local governments across the nation to try.
The plan for wireless LAN is that forty base-stations
are set in public places such as the town office first. These stations are
joined together by optical fiber that the total extension becomes about
twenty-five kilometer. Then the base-stations can send information to all
houses in the town by wireless LAN.
Wireless LAN can be covered all over the town that is
about thirty-six square kilometers in size. Residents are able to connect
Internet not only from everywhere in the town, but also home information
appliances such as video recording and opening and closing door are possible
through wireless LAN to use their cell phones.
添削
Connecting All Residents in the Town by a Wireless
LAN in the
Town
The Town of Iwamura1 town's
government in Gifu pPrefecture has
decided to make
connect usable a wireless LAN accessible from
everywhere
anywhere in the town. It is the first
time for a
local governments in Japan across the
nation to set up such a wireless LAN try.
The plan for wireless LAN is that forty
base-stations are set up at in public places such
as the town office first. These stations are joined together by an optical
fiber network
that is the total extension becomes
about twenty-five kilometers in total. Then the base-stations can
send information to all houses in the town by a wireless LAN.
The Wwireless LAN can be
covered the whole all over the
town that is about thirty-six square kilometers in size. Residents are not only able
to connect to
the Internet not only from anywhere everywhere
in the town,
but also can
remotely control home information appliances such as a video
recordinger
and can opening
and closinge
doors
are
possible through wireless LAN to use by their cell
phones.
コメント
読みにくいところがありますが、英文の内容のほぼすべてがわかります。
1. 「岩村町(町役場)」は正式にはthe Government of the Town of Iwamuraですが、the
Town of Imamuraだけでもこの意味になります。岐阜県庁はGifu Prefectureまたはthe
Prefecture of Gufuになります。
添削後の文章
Connecting All Residents in the Town by a Wireless LAN
The Town of Iwamura in Gifu Prefecture has decided to
make a wireless LAN accessible from anywhere in the town. It is the first time
for a local government in Japan to set up such a wireless LAN .
The plan is that forty base-stations are set up at
public places such as the town office first. These stations are joined together
by an optical fiber network that is about twenty-five kilometers in total. Then
the base-stations can send information to all houses in the town by a wireless
LAN.
The wireless LAN can cover the whole town that is
about thirty-six square kilometers in size. Residents are not only able to
connect to the Internet from anywhere in the town but also can remotely control
home appliances such as a video recorder and can open and close doors by their
cell phones.
読者からの投稿 ４（Kalo, 5 November 10）
"A town will be Connected with a Wireless LAN
System”
Iwamura Town in Gifu Prefecture will be the first
local government in Japan to install a wireless LAN system that can be used
everywhere in the town. The town will set up about 40 base stations at public
facilities such as the town hall and connect the stations with optical fiber
cables with a total of 25 kilometers long. These base stations will cover
almost all the areas of the town and send information to a device at home and
office that is equipped with wireless communication.
This LAN system enables residents to have access to
the Internet all over the town and control home information appliances with a
cell phone, such as opening and closing a door and set timer to record a TV
program.
添削
"A tTown will be Connected Covered by1 with
a Wireless LAN System”
Iwamura Town in Gifu Prefecture will be the first
local government in Japan to install a wireless LAN system that can be used everywhere anywhere in
the town. The town will set up about 40 base stations at public facilities such
as the town hall and connect the stations with optical fiber cables with a
total of 25 kilometers long. These base stations will cover almost all the
areas of the town by a wireless LAN and send information
to a device at home and office that is equipped with a wireless
communication receiver.
This LAN system enables residents to have access to
the Internet all from anywhere in over
the town and even control home information
appliances from
with a cell phone, such as opening and
closing a doors
and set a timer
to record a TV program.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. インターネットに接続できる町はいっぱんあるので、ここでは町全体がワイヤーレスでカバーされている、という題名がよいでしょう。
添削後の文章
"A Town will be Covered by a Wireless
LAN System”
Iwamura Town in Gifu Prefecture will be the first
local government in Japan to install a wireless LAN system that can be used
anywhere in the town. The town will set up about 40 base stations at public
facilities such as the town hall and connect the stations with optical fiber
cables with a total of 25 kilometers long. These base stations will cover
almost all the areas of the town by a wireless LAN and send information to a
device at home and office that is equipped with a wireless communication
receiver.
This LAN system enables residents to have access to
the Internet from anywhere in the town and even control home appliances from a
cell phone, opening and closing doors and set a timer to record a TV program.
読者からの投稿 ３（さくら、27 Aug 07）
“Wireless LAN Service Starts in the Town”
The Iwamura Town in Gifu Prefecture plans to start
wireless LAN service which is available from any place in the town. This
service is the first attempt among the local municipalities in Japan. They will
build about forty basic stations mainly in the public facilities like the town
hall and connect every station with totally 25 kilometers optical fiber and
send information from the stations to the terminals. The wireless LAN service
is going to cover almost all area of the town, so it will enable to access the
Internet from anywhere in the town. It will also realize to control intelligent
appliances by sending a command to a video recorder to record TV program on the
tape or to lock or unlock the house door through cell phones.
添削
“Wireless LAN Service Starts in the Town”
The Iwamura Town in Gifu Prefecture
plans to start a wireless LAN service which will be is
available from any place in the town. This service is will be the
first attempt among the local municipalities in Japan.
They will build about forty basic base stations mainly
in the public facilities like the town hall and connect every all stations
with totally
25 kilometers
optical fiber cables and send information from the
stations to the wireless
terminals
such as cellular phones and laptop computers1. The
wireless LAN service is going to cover almost all the whole area
of the town
so that, so it will enable2 people in the
town to access the Internet from anywhere in the town. It The wireless
service will also make it possible for people realize to
control intelligent appliances at their home.3 For example,
they can sendby sending a command from a cellular
phone to a video recorder to record a TV
program on
the video recorder on the tape or to lock or and unlock
the house door through cell phones.
コメント
英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、（１）、（２）、（３）のところがよくわかりません。（１）はthe terminalsが携帯電話やワイヤーレス通信の可能なラップトップのようなものだろうと推測できますが、the terminalsとあるので町が用意した特別な送受信機なのかな、ともおもいます。（２）enable what/who?という疑問がでてきます。（３）はintelligent appliancesとa
video recorder, the house doorの関係がはっきりしません。
1. 具体的に説明するとよいでしょう。
2. enable A to do Bという形になります。
3. ここで一度文を終わりにして、For exampleと例を挙げるとわかりやすくなります。
添削後の文章
Iwamura Town in Gifu Prefecture plans to start a
wireless LAN service which will be
available from any place in the town. This service will be the first
attempt among local municipalities in Japan. They will build about forty base
stations mainly in the public facilities like the town hall and connect all
stations with 25 kilometer optical fiber cables and send information from the
stations to wireless terminals such as cellular phones and laptop computers.
The wireless LAN service is going to cover almost the whole area of the town so
that it will enable people in the town to access the Internet from anywhere in
the town. The wireless service will also make it possible for people to control
intelligent appliances at their home. For example, they can send a command from
a cellular phone to record a TV program on the video recorder or to lock and
unlock the house door.
読者からの投稿 ２（あすか、21 August 07）
“Whole Town With a Wireless LAN System”
The Iwamura town in Gifu Prefecture first will
introduced a wireless LAN system to all residents in the community by the local
Japanese government. The wireless LAN system will set up about 40 hubs at
public facilities in the town such as town hall and connect those hubs with
25-kilometer long optical fibber cables will send information to the
communication terminal. As the most of the town will be covered within a range
of 36 square kilometers by using this system, the residents can connect to the
Internet from anywhere in the town. Besides, it can be possible to operate
electronic devices at home such as opening and shutting a door and setting up a
TV program on a video recorder by using only a cellular phone with wireless LAN
system.
添削
“A Whole Town Is Connected
through With a Wireless LAN System”
The Town of Iwamura town in Gifu
Prefecture will
be the first to will introduced a
wireless LAN system to all residents in the community by among the
local Japanese
governments in Japan1.
The wireless LAN system will set up about 40 hubs at public facilities in the
town such as the town hall and connect those hubs
with 25-kilometer long optical fibber cables. The hubs will send
information to wireless the communication
terminals
held by people in the town2. As the most of the town’s 36 square
kilometers will be covered within a range of 36 square
kilometers by using this system, the residents can
connect to the Internet from anywhere in the town. Besides, the residents3 it
can use their
wireless terminals be possible to operate electronic
devices at home in such a way as opening and
shutting a door and setting up a TV program on a video recorder by using only a
cellular phone with wireless LAN system.
コメント
1. 英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、（１）、（２）の大事なところがよくわかりません。The Iwamura town in Gifu Prefecture first
will introduced a wireless LAN system to all residents in the community by the
local Japanese government.は「岩村町は先ず最初に日本政府によって無線LANを導入するでしょう。」となり日本文の内容を脇に置けば、この内容でもよいですが、では次に何をするのか？という疑問が出ます。
2. ここではハブとワイヤレスターミナルとの関係がはっきりしません。
3. ここはthe
residentsを主語にすると内容がわかりやすくなります。添削のようにハブについては新しい文で記述するとよいでしょう。
添削後の文章
“A Whole Town Is Connected through a Wireless LAN
System”
The Town of Iwamura in Gifu Prefecture will be the
first to introduced a wireless LAN system to all residents in the community
among local governments in Japan. The wireless LAN system will set up about 40
hubs at public facilities in the town such as the town hall and connect those
hubs with 25-kilometer long optical fibber cables. The hubs will send
information to wireless terminals held by people in the town. As most of the
town’s 36 square kilometers will be covered by this system, the residents can
connect to the Internet from anywhere in the town. Besides, the residents can
use their wireless terminals to operate electronic devices at home in such a
way as opening and shutting a door and setting up a TV program on a video
recorder.
読者からの投稿 １（Katie, 28 Aug 03）
“Connecting a Whole Town by a Wireless LAN System”
The Town of Iwamura in Gifu Prefecture is planning to
install a wireless LAN communication system in the town for the first time as a
local government in Japan that will make a wireless LAN system available to all
residents in the community. The wireless LAN system will set up about 40 hubs
in the town at various public facilities such as the town hall and connect
those hubs with 25 kilometer long optical fiber cables. Those hubs will
transmit information to any communication terminal within a range of 36 square
kilometers and will be able cover almost the whole town.
Town residents can access to the Internet from
anywhere in the town. It will enable the residents to use a cellular phone to
send a signal to operate electronic devices at home such as opening and closing
electronically operated doors and starting recording a TV program on video
recorders.
添削
“Connecting a Whole Town by With a
Wireless LAN System”
The Town of Iwamura in Gifu Prefecture is planning to
install a wireless LAN communication system in the town. The town will be1
for the
first time
as a local government in Japan that will make a wireless LAN
system available to all residents in the community. The wireless LAN2
system will set up about 40 hubs in the town at various public facilities such
as the town hall and connect those hubs with 25- kilometer
long optical fiber cables. Those The hubs2
will transmit information to any communication terminal within a range of 36
square kilometers and will be able cover almost the whole town.
By using this system3, Ttown
residents can access to the Internet from anywhere in the
town. It
will enable the residents to They can4
use a cellular phone to send a signal to operate electronic devices at home
such as opening and closing electronically operated doors and to5 starting
recording a TV program on a video recorders.
コメント
1. Katieさんは日本文の内容をよく整理してから英文にしています。ここは二つの文に分けて表現してほうが読みやすくなります。
2. 英文の主語をThe wireless LAN systemとThe
hubsにすることによって文章の中に新しい言葉が順序良く出てくるようになり、内容が伝わりやすくなっています。
3. 前の段落と関連を持たせるようにBy using this systemを入れました。
4. 添削のようにすると簡単になりまた前の文とのつながり(主語が同じ)がよくなります。
5. To send a signal to operate A and to start Bという並列構造にしました。
添削後の文章
“Connecting a Whole Town With a Wireless LAN System”
The Town of Iwamura in Gifu Prefecture is planning to
install a wireless LAN communication system in the town. The town will be the
first local government in Japan that will make a wireless LAN system available
to all residents in the community. The wireless LAN system will set up about 40
hubs in the town at various public facilities such as the town hall and connect
those hubs with 25-kilometer long optical fiber cables. The hubs will transmit
information to any communication terminal within a range of 36 square
kilometers and will be able cover almost the whole town.
By using this system, town residents can access the
Internet from anywhere in the town. They can use a cellular phone to send a
signal to operate electronic devices at home such as opening and closing
electronically operated doors and to start recording a TV program on a video
recorder.
徳島県生見海岸は国内有数のサーフポイントとして知られているが、台風１０号の影響で流木や電化製品などの大量のごみが漂着した。これをインターネットで知った全国のサーファーが８月１２日に海岸に集まり「ホームグラウンドの危機を救おう」と一斉清掃を始めた。
読者からの投稿 ７（Suzume,
17 September 19）
In the aftermath of
typhoon No.10, enormous quantities of trash such as driftwood and scrap
electronics drifted down to Ikumi Beach in Kochi Prefecture. The Ikumi beach is
known as one of the nation's best locations for surfing. Hearing about this
miserable state of the beach from the internet, surfers throughout the country
got together at the beach on August 12, and they began to clean up the mess all
together under the slogan, "Let's help out our home ground's crisis."
添削
In the aftermath of
typhoon No.10, enormous quantities of trash such as driftwood and scrap
electronics products
drifted down to Ikumi Beach in Kochi Prefecture. The Ikumi Bbeach
is known to
surfers as one of the nation's best beaches locations
for surfing. Hearing about this miserable state of the beach by from
the internet, surfers throughout the country got together at the beach on
August 12, and they began to clean up the mess all together under the slogan,
"Let's help out our home ground's crisis."
コメント
内容のすべてがわかります。
添削後の文章
In the aftermath of
typhoon No.10, enormous quantities of trash such as driftwood and scrap
electronic products drifted down to Ikumi Beach in Kochi Prefecture. Ikumi
Bbeach is known to surfers as one of the nation's best beaches for surfing.
Hearing about this miserable state of the beach by the internet, surfers
throughout the country got together at the beach on August 12, and they began
to clean up the mess all together under the slogan, "Let's help out our
home ground's crisis."
読者からの投稿 ６（mxtomi, 22 February 12）
"Surfers Cleaning Up the Beach”
Typhoon #10 left tons of debris including driftwood
and scrap electronics at Ikumi Beach in Tokushima Prefecture known as one of
the nation's best surfing spots. Having learned this through the Internet, a
number of surfers came to the beach from across the country on August 12 and
started cleaning the beach all together in a bid to save their home turf from
the predicament.
添削
"Surfers Cleaning Up the Beach”
Typhoon Number #10 left tons of debris
such as including
driftwood and scrap electronics at Ikumi Beach in Tokushima Prefecture, which1 was
known as one of the nation's best surfing spots. Having learned this through
the Internet, a number of surfers came to the beach from across the country on
August 12 and started cleaning the beach all together in a
bid to save their home turf from the predicament.
コメント
内容の総てがわかります。
1. ここで一息入れたほうが後半の内容が強調できます。
添削後の文章
"Surfers Cleaning Up the Beach”
Typhoon Number 10 left tons of debris such as driftwood
and scrap electronics at Ikumi Beach in Tokushima Prefecture, which was known
as one of the nation's best surfing spots. Having learned this through the
Internet, a number of surfers came to the beach from across the country on
August 12 and started cleaning the beach in a bid to save their home turf from
the predicament.
読者からの投稿 ５（Lucca, 8 April 11）
Surfers Pick up Coastal Wastes on the Beach.
Ikumi beach in Tokushima prefecture is famous for good
surfing place in Japan. Due to
typhoon No.10, a lot of wastes such as driftwood and electric appliances
drifted on the beach.
On April 12, Surfers who knew this happening through
Internet gathered from all over the country to the beach and started cleaning
for help their home ground's crisis.
添削
Surfers Pick up Coastal Wastes on the
Beach.
Ikumi bBeach in Tokushima pPrefecture
is famous for good surfing place in Japan. Due to tTyphoon No.10, a lot
of wastes such as driftwood and electric appliances were washed up drifted
on the beach.
On April 12, Ssurfers who found knew
this happening on the through Internet came to the
beach gathered from all over the country1
to the
beach to clean up the beach and save and started
cleaning for help their surfing home ground's crisis.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. gathered at the beach from all over the
countryという表現でもよいです。先ずはどこに集まったか、来たか、と場所を示します。
添削後の文章
Surfers Pick up Wastes on the Beach
Ikumi Beach in Tokushima Prefecture is famous for good
surfing in Japan. Due to Typhoon No.10, a lot of wastes such as driftwood and
electric appliances were washed up on the beach.
On April 12, surfers who found this happening on the
Internet came to the beach from all over the country to clean up the beach and
save their surfing home ground.
読者からの投稿 ４（Kalo, 7 November 10）
"Surfers Helped Clean the Beach”
Ikumi Beach, one of the most popular surfing spots in
Japan, was littered with a huge amount of debris including driftwoods and home
appliances because Typhoon No.10 had passed by.
On August 12, a lot of surfers who found the news on
the Internet came to the beach and helped clean the beach. They said that they
gathered to save their home beach.
添削
"Surfers Helped Clean the Beach”
Ikumi Beach, one of the most popular surfing spots in Japan,
was littered with a huge amount of debris including driftwoods and home
appliances because
washed up by Typhoon
No.10 had passed by the area.
On August 12, a lot of surfers who found the news on
the Internet came to the beach and helped clean the beach. They said that they
gathered to save their home beach.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
添削後の文章
"Surfers Helped Clean the Beach”
Ikumi Beach, one of the most popular surfing spots in
Japan, was littered with a huge amount of debris including driftwoods and home
appliances washed up by Typhoon No.10 had
passed by the area.
On August 12, a lot of surfers who found the news on
the Internet came to the beach and helped clean the beach. They said that they
gathered to save their home beach.
読者からの投稿 ３（さくら、29 August 07）
“Surfers Cleaned Ikumi Beach”
Ikumi Beach in Tokushima Prefecture is famous as a
good surfing point in Japan. But a massive wreckage including driftwood and
appliances arrived there after the typhoon No.10
coming. Surfers who had known this news through the Internet came to the beach
from all over the county on August 21st and started cleaning the beach under
the slogan of “Let’s save our home beach”.
添削
“Surfers Cleaned2 Ikumi Beach”
Ikumi Beach in Tokushima Prefecture is famous as for its a good
surfing point
in Japan. But a massive amount of wreckage garbage including
driftwoods
and appliances arrived there after the tTyphoonNo.10 coming came.
Surfers found
who had known3 this news
through the Internet and came to the beach from all over the
county on August 21st. They and started
cleaning the beach under the slogan ,of “Let’s save our
home beach”.1
コメント
1. 英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかります。
2. 記事の見出しには過去の出来事も現在形で表現することが多いです。「サーハーが海岸を掃除する」という事実を記述するだけにするためでしょう。現在形のほうが余計な情報（いつの出来事かなど）が入らないのでパット理解できるからでしょう。
3. 時間の順序としては、ニュースを知った人の何人かがビーチに来たので、ニュースを知ることが先になりますが、they found the news and came to the beach.というよう起こった順序に共に過去形で表現します。
添削後の文章
“Surfers Clean2 Ikumi Beach”
Ikumi Beach in Tokushima Prefecture is famous for its
good surfing . But a massive amount of garbage including driftwoods and
appliances arrived there after TyphoonNo.10 came. Surfers found this news
through the Internet and came to the beach from all over the county on August
21st. They started cleaning the beach under the slogan ,“Let’s save
our home beach”.
読者からの投稿 ２（あすか、13 Feb 07）
“Surfers Clean Up Beach Garbage”
Ikumi beach in Tokushima prefecture is known for the
one of the most popular surf spots in Japan. However, a lot of garbage was
strewn with the beach such as driftwoods, electric appriences because of
Typhoon No.10. Through the Internet, surfers all over Japan who knew about the
garbage of Ikumi beach, took action to save their favorite spot. On August 12,
they came all together and cleaned up.
添削
“Surfers Clean Up Beach Garbage1”
Ikumi bBeach in Tokushima pPrefecture
is known for
as2 the one of the most
popular surfing
spots in Japan. However Recently3,
Typhoon
No. 10 washed up a lot of garbage was strewn with4 on
the beach such as driftwoods,and electric appriences appliances because of
Typhoon No.10. Through the Internet, surfers all over Japan who knew found
about the garbage of on Ikumi bBeach, and5 took
action to save their favorite spot. On August 12, they came all together and
cleaned up
the beach.
コメント
1. I cleaned the wound of dirt. 傷口から汚れを〈取って〉きれいにした、という用法ですから、ここではSurfers clean up beach of garbage.となります。または、Surfers clean up beach.だけで、サーファーが海岸を掃除する、の意味になります。
2. He is well known for his accomplishment in
literature. 彼は文学の業績でよく知られている。He is well known as one of the most popular
novelists in Japan. 彼は日本でとても人気の高い小説家としてよく知られている。というように前置詞、forとasで意味が違ってきます。
3. 最初の文の内容と次の文の内容はhoweverではつながりません。
4. The beach got strewn with garbage. A lot of
garbage was strewn on the beach. The typhoon strew garbage on the beach.という用法になります。ここでは台風がゴミを海岸に打ち寄せた、としました。
5. 出来事の順序を時間を追って記述しandでつないだほうがわかりやすいでしょう。
添削後の文章
“Surfers Clean Up Beach1”
Ikumi Beach in Tokushima Prefecture is known as one of
the most popular surfing spots in Japan. Recently, Typhoon No.10 washed up a
lot of garbage on the beach such as driftwood and electric appliances. Through
the Internet, surfers all over Japan found about the garbage on Ikumi Beach and
took action to save their favorite spot. On August 12, they came together and
cleaned up the beach.
読者からの投稿 １（オカヤ、28 Aug 03）
“Surfers Clean Up a Beach”
Typhoon Number 10 left Ikumi Beach in Tokushima
Prefecture, one of the best place for surfing in Japan, strewn with debris such
as driftwood and abandoned electronic appliances. On August 12, many surfers
from all over Japan came to the beach to clean the beach and save their
favorite surfing spot. They found that the beach was in a mess through
information posted on the Internet.
添削
“Surfers Clean Up a the Beach”
Typhoon Number 101 left Ikumi Beach in Tokushima
Prefecture, one of the best places for surfing in Japan, strewn with
debris such as driftwood and abandoned electronic appliances. On August 12,
many surfers from all over Japan came to the beach to clean the beach and save
their favorite surfing spot2. They found out that the beach
was in a
mess3 through information posted on the Internet.
コメント
オカヤさんは日本文の内容を整理して、英文で再構築しています。日本文では文の内容の連関に修飾節や助詞を良く使います。「これをインターネットで知った全国のサーファーが」と「徳島県生見海岸は国内有数のサーフポイントとして知られているが」がこの例です。このような日本文の内容を英文で表現するときには小文に分解して、小文を順序良く並べることで文章の統一性が保てます。
1. 台風１０号を主語にすることで文が簡潔になっています。
2. 「ホームグラウンドの危機を救おう」は日本文では内容の強調になっています。英文では”Let’s save our favorite surfing spot from
the crisis.”のような直接引用文を入れると文章の中でここだけが浮き上がってしまうのでオカヤさんのように間接引用句がよいと思います。
3. The room was a mess. Children left the
dining room in a mess.のようにどちらのいいかたもあります。ここはthe beachが主語なのでその状態を表すためにthe beach was a mess.というように使います。
添削後の文章
“Surfers Clean Up the Beach”
Typhoon Number 10 left Ikumi Beach in Tokushima
Prefecture, one of the best places for surfing in Japan, strewn with debris
such as driftwood and abandoned electronic appliances. On August 12, many
surfers from all over Japan came to the beach to clean and save their favorite
surfing spot. They found out that the beach was a mess through information
posted on the Internet.
徳島市立図書館の「こどもしつ」の片隅にある「日本の戦争」コーナーが、根強い人気を集めている。戦争関連の児童書を一カ所に集めて常設展示しているのは、県内でも同図書館だけ。十五日の「終戦の日」が近いこの時期、コーナー前には連日、夏休み中の子供たちの姿がある。
読者からの投稿 ８（Suzume,
19 September 19）
A corner for the display of "The Wars of
Japan" at the "Child Room" in Tokushima City Public Library is
attracting the deep-seated popularity of its visitors. The library is the
prefecture's only facility that holds regular exhibitions on war-related
children's books brought together in one place. At this time of the year, when
the "End of the Pacific War Day (August 15)" is near at hand,
children on summer vacation are gathering in front of the display every day.
添削
A corner for the display of "The Wars of
Japan" at the "Child Children’s
Room" in Tokushima City Public Library is attracting strong interest the
deep-seated popularity of its visitors. The library is the
prefecture's only facility that holds regular exhibitions on of war-related
children's books brought together in one place. At this time of the year, when
the "End of the Pacific War Day (August 15)" is near at hand,
children on summer vacation are gathering in front of the display every day.
コメント
内容のすべてがわかります。
添削後の文章
A corner for the display of "The Wars of Japan"
at the “Children’s Room" in Tokushima City Public Library is attracting
strong interest of its visitors. The library is the prefecture's only facility
that holds regular exhibitions of war-related children's books brought together
in one place. At this time of the year, when the "End of the Pacific War
Day (August 15)" is near at hand, children on summer vacation are
gathering in front of the display every day.
読者からの投稿 ７（mxtomi, 22 February 12）
"Regular Exhibit of War-related Books at
Tokushima City Library”
"The Japan’s War” section at a corner of the
children room in the Tokushima City Library has been attracting many visitors
as the only library in Tokushima Prefecture housing the regular exhibit of
war-related books for children. As August 15, the day World War II ended nears,
“the Japan’s War” section is crowded with lots of school children on
添削
"Regular Exhibit of War-related Books for Children at
Tokushima City Library”
"The Japan’s War” section at a corner of the
children’s
room in the Tokushima City Library has been attracting many children visitors
as the only library in Tokushima Prefecture housing the regular exhibit of
war-related books for children. As August 15, the day World War II ended is coming
closer nears, “the Japan’s War” section is
crowded with lots of school children on the summer break
every day.
コメント
内容のすべてがわかります。
添削後の文章
"Regular Exhibit of War-related Books for
Children at Tokushima City Library”
"The Japan’s War” section at a corner of the children’s
room in the Tokushima City Library has been attracting many children as the
only library in Tokushima Prefecture housing the regular exhibit of war-related
books for children. As August 15, the day World War II ended is coming closer,
“the Japan’s War” section is crowded with lots of school children on the summer
break every day.
読者からの投稿 ６（Lucca, 12 April 11）
"Children's books about Japan's war in the
library"
"Japan's war corner "which has war related
books for children at children room in Tokushima City Library is very popular
among children. Only this library sets it up in Tokushima prefecture. As August 15
which is the day of the end of the World War II is coming soon, children are
gathering to the corner every day and read the books.
添削
"Children's books Corner about Japan's
wars
in the Tokushima
City1 Library"
"The Japan's war corner "which has
children’s
books war related to Japan’s wars2 books
for
children at in the children
room in the
Tokushima City Library is very popular among children. Only this
library sets it up such a corner in
Tokushima pPrefecture.
As August 15 which is the day of the end of the World War II is coming soon,
children are gathering at to the corner every day
and read the books.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. 徳島市立図書館と名前を題名に入れると具体的になります。
2. children’s booksのほうがbooks
for childrenより「子供向けの本」ということがはっきりします。
添削後の文章
"Children's books Corner about Japan's wars in
the Tokushima City Library"
"The Japan's war corner "which has
children’s books related to Japan’s wars in the children room in the Tokushima
City Library is very popular among children. Only this library sets up such a corner in Tokushima
Prefecture. As August 15 which is the day of the end of the World War II is
coming soon, children are gathering at the corner every day and read the books.
読者からの投稿 ５（Kalo, 7 November 10）
At the Tokushima City Library, a book corner titled
“War of Japan” has remained quite popular. The corner in the children’s book
room displays war-related books for children to read. The Tokushima City
Library is the only library in Tokushima Prefecture that displays such books
throughout the year. Now, a lot of children are coming to the book corner when
August 15, the anniversary of World War II, comes near.
添削
A Special Display of Boos on War for Children at
the Tokushima City Library
At the Tokushima City Library, a book corner titled named “War
of Japan” is1 has remained
quite popular. The corner in the children’s book room displays war-related
books for children to read. The Tokushima City Library is
the only library in Tokushima Prefecture that displays such books throughout
the year. Now, a lot of children are coming to the book corner when as2 August
15, the anniversary of World War II, is getting closer comes near.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. 現在の状況の説明なので単に現在形でよいでしょう。
2. 終戦の日」が近いこの時期という幅のある時間なので、whenよりasがよいでしょう。「終戦の日が近づくにつれて」となります。
添削後の文章
A Special Display of Boos on War for Children at the
Tokushima City Library
At the Tokushima City Library, a book corner named
“War of Japan” is quite popular. The corner in the children’s book room
displays war-related books for children . The Tokushima City Library is the
only library in Tokushima Prefecture that displays such books throughout the
year. Now, a lot of children are coming to the book corner as August 15, the
anniversary of World War II, is getting closer .
読者からの投稿 ４（つぶあんこ、1 February 09）
A library set up a corner of “Wars of Japan”
A small collection of books on “Wars in Japan” is
firmly popular among children. Tokushima municipal Library has set up the
collection in a corner of “the Children’s room”. The library only has a
permanent exhibition of war-related children’s books in Tokushima Prefecture.
Children on their summer vacation come to the corner lately, as the anniversary
of the end of World War II, August 15th, approaches.
添削
A The Tokushima Municipal Llibrary
sets
up a corner of children’s books on “wars Wars
of Japan”
A small collection of children’s books on
“Wars in of Japan”
at the
Tokushima Municipal Library is firmly has been1 popular
for among
children. Tokushima
municipal Llibrary has set up the collection
in a corner of “the Children’s room”2. This is Tthe
only library3 that
only
has a permanent exhibition of war-related children’s
books on
wars of Japan in Tokushima Prefecture. Many Cchildren
on their summer vacation come to the corner lately, as the anniversary of
the end of World War II, August 15th, approaches.
コメント
英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、最初の文がキーセンテンスになっていません。添削のように最初の三つの文の内容を一つにまとめるとよいでしょう。
1. 「根強い人気を集めている」は「少しの間ではなくこのコーナーが設置されてからずっと」という意味に解釈して、添削のようhas been popularとする表現方法があります。
2. この文はは最初の文にchildren’s booksと入れておけば、内容の重複になるので省略できます。
3. 「県内でも同図書館だけ」はThis is the only one library in the prefecture that ~
(where ~)という構文にするとわかりやすいです。
添削後の文章
The Tokushima Municipal Library sets up a corner of
children’s books on wars of Japan
A small collection of children’s books on “Wars of
Japan” at the Tokushima Municipal Library is has been popular for children.
This is the only library that has a permanent exhibition of children’s books on wars of Japan in
Tokushima Prefecture. Many children on their summer vacation come to the corner
lately as the anniversary of the end of World War II, August 15th, approaches.
読者からの投稿 ３（さくら、7 September 07）
“Library Set up a War-Related Corner”
A corner titled “the war of Japan” in Tokushima City
Public Library has been persistently popular. The corner places in its
children’s reading room. It is the only library where war-related books for
children are lined up in Tokushima Prefecture. At this time of year when the
anniversary of the end of the war is coming closer, the corner is crowded with
many children who are spending their summer vacation.
添削
“Library Set up a Special Collection of War-Related Books for Children Corner”
A corner1 collection of books named titled
“the war of Japan” in Tokushima City Public Library has been persistently
popular. The corner collection is placesd
in its children’s reading room2. It is the only library where
war-related books for children are lined available all year around up3
in Tokushima Prefecture. At this time of year when the anniversary of the end
of the war is coming closer, the corner of the library with the collection is
crowded with many children who are spending their summer vacation in the library.
コメント
1. 英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが、（１）でa cornerが文の最初に出てくるので、これは何かな？とおもいます。（２）は推測できますが、添削のように受動態にします。（３）のbooks are lined upの意味も推測できますが、添削のようにするとよいでしょう。
添削後の文章
“Library Set up a Special Collection of War-Related
Books for Children”
A collection of books named “the war of Japan” in Tokushima
City Public Library has been persistently popular. The collection is placed in
its children’s reading room. It is the only library where war-related books for
children are available all year around in Tokushima Prefecture. At this time of
year when the anniversary of the end of the war is coming closer, the corner of
the library with the collection is crowded with many children who are spending
their summer vacation in the library.
読者からの投稿 ２（あすか、4 December 06）
"The Wars Involved Japan" Corner At The
Tokushima City Library
The Tokushima City Library has opened a corner of
"The Wars Involved Japan" in the children's room. Since the opening
day, the visitors have been coming one after another. This is the only library
which keeps on display the children's war books in Tokushima. During the summer
vacation, many children visit this corner around the War Memorial Day on August
15.
添削
"The Wars Involved of Japan"
Corner At The Tokushima City Library
The Tokushima City Library has opened a corner of called
"The Wars Involved of1 Japan"
in the children's room. Since the opening day, the visitors
children2 have
been coming visiting this corner one
after another. This is the only library which keeps on display the
children's books on war books on
display3 in
Tokushima. During the summer vacation, many children visit this corner around
the War Memorial Day on August 154.
コメント
1. 「日本の戦争」は英文でもwars of Japan と表現します。involveを使うとwar
involving Japanとなります。
2. children としたほうが具体的になります。
3. keep Aと目的語のＡを動詞のすぐ後ろに置いたほうが内容がはっきりします。
4. around the War Memorial Day on August 15８月１５日のは終戦記念日の前後には、の意味ですね。日本文の「十五日の「終戦の日」が近いこの時期」の内容にしたがえば、as August 15, the War Memorial Day,
approachesと表現できます。
添削後の文章
"The Wars of Japan" Corner At The Tokushima
City Library
The Tokushima City Library has opened a corner called
"The Wars of Japan" in the children's room. Since the opening day,
children have been visiting this corner one after another. This is the only
library which keeps children's books on war on display in Tokushima. During the
summer vacation, many children visit this corner around the War Memorial Day on
August 15.
読者からの投稿 １（Kenji, 18 Aug 03 ）
“Wars of Japan” Section at the Tokushima City Library”
The “Wars of Japan” section at a corner of the
children’s room at the Tokushima City Library has been deep-rooted popular
among children. This is the only library in Tokushima Prefecture which keeps
books about wars of Japan for children all year round. Everyday, many children
on summer holidays are found in front of this section during this period when
August 15, the War Memorial Day, is close.
添削
“Wars of Japan” Section Corner at
the Tokushima City Library”
The “Wars of Japan” section at a1 corner
of the children’s room at the Tokushima City Library2 has
been deep-rooted constantly
popular among children at the Tokushima City Library. This
is the only library in Tokushima Prefecture which that keeps
children’s
books about the wars of Japan for children all
year round. Everyday, many children on summer holidays are found in front of this
section visit this corner3 as
during
this period when August 15, the War Memorial Day, is close approaches closer4.
コメント
1. 英語でも「～コーナー」という言い方があるので簡単にしました。
2. 主語句が長くなるのでat the Tokushima City Libraryを文の最後の置きました。
3. 「子供たちの姿がある」は投稿のようでもいいですが、内容からchildren visit the cornerと簡単にしました。
4. The War Memorial Dayを主語にすると文が力強くなります。
添削後の文章
“Wars of Japan” Corner at the Tokushima City Library”
The “Wars of Japan” corner of the children’s room has
been constantly popular among children at the Tokushima City Library. This is
the only library in Tokushima Prefecture that keeps children’s books about the
wars of Japan all year round. Everyday, many children on summer holidays visit
this corner as August 15, the War Memorial Day, approaches closer.
水産庁は８月１２日、イカ釣り漁の集魚灯に、青色系発光ダイオード（ＬＥＤ）を光源として使う民間研究を支援する方針を固めた。発電に必要な燃料費を現行の白色ランプの十分の一以下に抑えられる可能性があり、同庁は漁業経営の効率化や環境保全に役立つと期待する。３年後の実用化を目指している。
読者からの投稿 ７（Suzume,
21 September 19）
On August 12, the Fisheries Agency has revealed a
policy that it will support certain research activities in the private sector.
Those research activities will enable blue light-emitting diodes (blue LED) to
be used as light sources on squid-fishing vessels. By using blue LED, the cost
of fuel required to generate electricity could be reduced to less than
one-tenth compared with the current white lamp, so the Agency is expecting that
it will help increase fishery management efficiency and contribute towards
environmental conservation. The Agency is aiming to put it into practical use
in three years.
添削
On August 12, the Fisheries Agency has revealed a
policy that it will support certain research activities in the private sector.
Those research activities will enable blue light-emitting diodes (blue LED) to
be used as the light sources on squid-fishing
vessels. By using blue LED, the cost of fuel required to generate electricity
could be reduced to less than one-tenth of compared with
the current white lamp, so the Agency is expecting that it will help increase
fishery management efficiency and contribute to towards
environmental conservation. The Agency is aiming to put it into practical use
in three years.
コメント
内容のすべてがわかります。
添削後の文章
On August 12, the Fisheries Agency has revealed a
policy that it will support certain research activities in the private sector.
Those research activities will enable blue light-emitting diodes (blue LED) to
be used as the light sources on squid-fishing vessels. By using blue LED, the
cost of fuel required to generate electricity could be reduced to less than
one-tenth of the current white lamp, so the Agency is expecting that it will
help increase fishery management efficiency and contribute to environmental
conservation. The Agency is aiming to put it into practical use in three years.
読者からの投稿 ６（mxtomi, 27 February 12）
"Blue LED for Use in Fishing Lamp”
On August 12, the Fisheries Agency has decided to
support a private research to use a blue light-emitting diode (LED) lamp as a
fishing lamp for the squid. The blue LED lamp can reduce the fuel cost for
electricity generation to less than 10% of the conventional incandescent lamp,
thereby leading to more efficient fishery operations as well as improved
environmental protection. The agency is aiming at commercializing the
technology in 3 years.
添削
"Blue LED for Use in Fishing Lamp”
On August 12, the Fisheries Agency has decided to
support a private research to use a blue light-emitting diode (LED) lamp as a
fishing lamp for the squid. The blue LED lamp can reduce the fuel cost for
electricity generation to less than 10% of the conventional incandescent lamp,
thereby leading to more efficient fishery operations as well as improved
environmental protection. The agency is aiming at commercializing the
technology in 3 years.
コメント
内容の総てがわかります。添削箇所はありません。
読者からの投稿 ５（Lucca, 12 April 11）
Blue Diode is Used on Fishing Boat
On August 12, the Fishery Agency decided to support a
private research that blue light-emitting diode(LED) is used in place of
filament lamp on squid fishing boat. The researches are thinking that LEDs will
keep less than one-tenth of fuel costs down than present filament lamps.
Therefore, The Agency expects that It will lead to increase fish business
efficiency and sea environment protection and achieves the pratical use of LED
on the squid fishing boat in three years.
添削
Blue Diode is Used on Fishing Boats
On August 12, the Fishery Agency decided to support a
private research that develops1 blue
light-emitting diode(LED) lamps for squid fishing boats is used
in place of filament lamps on squid fishing boat.
The researches are expecting thinking that LEDs lamps will
reduce2 keep
fuel costs
to less than one-tenth of fuel costs down than of the
present filament lamps3. Therefore, The Agency expects that It LED lamps will
lead to increase the efficiency of squad fishing
business efficiency
and improve
the sea environment protection and The Agency plants to
achieves
the practical
use of LED lamps
on the squid fishing boats
in three years.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. a private research that ~でthatは研究のことですからThe research develops ~と続きます。
2. reduceと直截な表現がよいでしょう。
3. The new product will reduce fuel costs to
less than one-tenth of (the fuel costs of) the present filament lamps. ですが、括弧内は省略できます。
添削後の文章
Blue Diode is Used on Fishing Boats
On August 12, the Fishery Agency decided to support a
private research that develops blue light-emitting diode(LED) lamps for squid
fishing boats in place of filament lamps. The researches are expecting that LED
lamps will reduce fuel costs to less than one-tenth of the present filament
lamps. Therefore, The Agency expects that LED lamps will lead to increase the
efficiency of squad fishing business and improve the sea environment. The
Agency plants to achieve the practical use of LED lamps on squid fishing boats
in three years.
読者からの投稿 ４（Kalo, 7 November 10）
"Fishing lamps Using Blue Light Emitting Diode”
On August 12, the Fishery Agency decided to support
research in the private sector to develop a fishing lamp for squids that is
composed of blue light-emitting diode (LED). Compared to an incandescent lamp,
the LED fishing lamp can reduce fuel costs to generate electricity to less than
one-tenth. The Agency expects that the LED fishing lamp will help to improve
the efficiency of fishing operations and preserve the environment, aiming to
put the lamp to practical use in three years.
添削
"Fishing lamps Using Blue Light Emitting Diode”
On August 12, the Fishery Agency decided to support
research in the private sector to develop a fishing lamp for squids that would use is composed of
a blue
light-emitting diode (LED). Compared to an incandescent lamp, the LED fishing
lamp can reduce fuel costs to generate electricity for its energy source1 to
less than one-tenth. The Agency expects that the LED fishing lamp will help to
improve the efficiency of fishing operations and preserve the environment. The Agency2 ,
aimings
to put the lamp to practical use in three years.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. この補足説明があるほうがよいでしょう。
2. 新しい文にしたほうが内容の印象が強くなります。
添削後の文章
"Fishing lamps Using Blue Light Emitting Diode”
On August 12, the Fishery Agency decided to support
research in the private sector to develop a fishing lamp for squids that would
use blue a light-emitting diode (LED). Compared to an incandescent lamp, the
LED fishing lamp can reduce fuel costs to generate electricity for its energy
source to less than one-tenth. The Agency expects that the LED fishing lamp
will help to improve the efficiency of fishing operations and preserve the
environment. The Agency aims to put the lamp to practical use in three years.
読者からの投稿 ３（つぶあんこ、5 February 09）
Fishing lamp of a Blue Light-Emitting Diode
The Fisheries Agency of Japan announced on August 12th
that it would support a private research on using a Blue Light-Emitting Diode
(LED) to collect squid for fishing. The technology may reduce the cost of
generating light to less than one tenth of the current incandescent lamp. The
Agency expects that the technology will make fishery management more efficient
and also contribute to preserve environment. And the researchers aim to put the
technology to practical use in three years.
添削
Fishing lLamps
with1 of
a Blue Light-Emitting Diode
The Fisheries Agency of Japan announced on August 12th
that it would support a private research on using a Blue Light-Emitting Diode
(LED) to
for fishing lamps for collect
squid for
fishing2. The technology blue LED lamp3 may can reduce
the cost of generating light electricity for fishing lamps to
less than one tenth of the current incandescent lamp. The Agency expects that
the blue
LED technology will make fishery
management more efficient and also contribute to preserve
environmental preservation. And4 tThe
researchers aim to commercialize the blue LED fishing lamp put the
technology to practical use in three years.
コメント
内容の概略はわかりますが、幾つがわからないところがあります。
1. Ofでも意味はわかりますが、集魚灯装置の中の光源を青色系発光ダイオードにする、という意味ではwith がよいでしょう。
2. Collect squid for fishingとすると魚の餌にまずイカを捕る、といいう意味にも取れます。
3. このように書くほうが読者に親切です。
4. 特に前の文との関連を強調する必要はないのでandは要りません。
添削後の文章
Fishing Lamps with a Blue Light-Emitting Diode
The Fisheries Agency of Japan announced on August 12th
that it would support a private research on using a Blue Light-Emitting Diode
(LED) for fishing lamps for squid fishing. The blue LED lamp can reduce the cost of
generating electricity for fishing lamps to less than one tenth of the current
incandescent lamp. The Agency expects that the blue LED will make fishery
management more efficient and also contribute to environmental preservation.
The researchers aim to commercialize the blue LED fishing lamp in three years.
読者からの投稿 ２（さくら、9 September 07）
“Blue Light-Emitting Diode will be Applied to Squid
Collecting Lamp”
On August 12, the Japanese Fisheries Agency decided to
support a private company’s research to study how to apply blue light-emitting
diode (blue LED) to the squid collecting lamp. The blue LED may enable to cut
the energy cost to generate the light to less than one-tenth of current cost of
white light bulbs. The agency expects LED will bring more efficient and
environment-friendly fishing operations. They plan to put the research in
practice three years later.
添削
“Blue Light-Emitting Diode will be Applied to Squid
Collecting Lamp”
On August 12, the Japanese Fisheries
Agency of
Japan decided to support a private company’s research to study how
to apply blue light-emitting diode (blue LED) to the squid collecting lamp. The
blue LED may enable fishermen1 to
cut the energy cost to generate electricity for squid colleting lamps the light
to less than one-tenth of current cost of white light bulbs. The aAgency
expects
that LED will bring more efficient and environment-friendly
fishing operations. They plan to put commercialize the LED squid
collecting amps the research in practice three years later2.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. enable A to do Bという形にするとわかりやすくなります。
2. 「３年後の実用化を目指している」は具体的に表現するとよいでしょう。
添削後の文章
“Blue Light-Emitting Diode will be Applied to Squid
Collecting Lamp”
On August 12, the Fisheries Agency of Japan decided to
support a private company’s research to study how to apply blue light-emitting
diode (blue LED) to the squid collecting lamp. The blue LED may enable
fishermen to cut the energy cost to generate electricity for squid colleting
lamps to less than one-tenth of current white light bulbs. The Agency expects
that LED will bring more efficient and environment-friendly fishing operations.
They plan to commercialize the LED squid collecting amps in three years.
読者からの投稿 １（TOMOKO, 9 Sept 03）
“Fishing
Light with Blue Light-Emitting Diode”
On August 12, 2003, the Fisheries Agency established a
new policy that the Agency would support private research for using a blue
light-emitting diode (LED) as a squid fishing light source. The blue LED may
reduce fuel costs required to generate electricity to 10 percent or lower of
the cost for the current white LED. The Agency expects that the blue LED will
contribute to efficient fishery management and environmental conservation. The
light aims to go into practical use in three years.
添削
“Fishing
Light -Lamp with
a Blue
Light-Emitting Diode”
On August 12, 2003, the Fisheries Agency established a
new policy that the Agency would decided to1
support private research for using to use a blue
light-emitting diode (LED) as a squid fishing- light source for fishing
squids. The blue LED lamp2 may reduce fuel costs
required to generate electricity to 10 percent or lower of the cost for-
the current white incandescent lamp
LED. The Agency expects that the blue
LED lamp
will contribute to efficient fishery management and environmental
conservation. The light3 and -aims
to go
into practical use commercialize it in three years.
コメント
TOMOKOさんは水産庁、青色系発光ダイオードなどの英訳をよく調べてから、日本文を丁寧に英文で表現しています。
「支援する方針を固めた」は日本文に忠実に英文で表現するとTOMOKOさんの投稿のようになりますが、内容的には「支援することに決めた」と同じですから添削のように簡単にできます。
「青色系発光ダイオード（ＬＥＤ）を光源として使う」は「青色系発光ダイオード（ＬＥＤ）を光源として使う電球」のことですから、ここでは具体的にthe blue LED lampとしました。
主語を水産省にするとThe Fisheries Agency aims to commercialize it in three
years. 「主体が～する」という形になります。電球を主語にすれば、The blue LED lamp is aimed to be developed
in three years. と受動態になります。
添削後の文章
“Fishing -Lamp with a Blue Light-Emitting Diode”
On August 12,
2003, the Fisheries Agency decided to support private research to use a blue
light-emitting diode (LED) as a - light source for fishing squids. The blue LED
lamp may reduce fuel costs required to generate electricity to 10 percent or
lower of the - the current white incandescent lamp. The Agency expects that the
blue LED lamp will contribute to efficient fishery management and environmental
conservation and -aims to commercialize it in three years.
屋上緑化は全国で大流行になった。緑は眼にやさしく、潤いをもたらし、また都市を熱くするヒートアイランド現象の緩和にも役立つ。しかし、東京の学校やビル１０万棟（およそ５千万平方メートル）の屋上緑化をすると雨の少ない３０日間に約２千万立方メートルの水が必要になる。これは多摩湖二つ分の貯水量に相当し、渇水時には水不足になりかねない。
読者からの投稿 ７（Suzume,
23 September 19）
Planting trees and flowers on the roofs of buildings,
so-called rooftop gardening, has made waves across Japan. Looking at greenery
is good for your eyes, enriches your spirits and helps lighten a heat island
effect by which atmospheric temperature of urban districts is raised.
However, watering 100,000 artificial foundations for
rooftop greening on the rooftops of buildings such as schools and business
offices in all Tokyo (a total of about 50 million meter squares) for 30 days in
summer would require as much as 20 million cubic meters of water, which is
equivalent to two times the total storage capacity of Tama Lake. Tama Lake
functions as a water reservoir for the Tokyo Area so taking such a measure
could create a water shortage in a dry spell in Tokyo.
添削
Planting trees and flowers on the roofs of buildings,
so-called rooftop gardening, has made waves across Japan. Looking at greenery
is good for your our1 eyes,
makes us feet at
peace enriches your spirits and reduces helps lighten
a heat island effect by which raises the atmospheric
temperature of in urban districts is raised.
However, watering 100,000 artificial foundations for
rooftop greening on the rooftops of buildings such as schools and business
offices in all Tokyo (a total of about 50 million meter squares) for 30 days in
summer would require as much as 20 million cubic meters of water, which is
equivalent to two times the total storage capacity of Tama Lake. Tama Lake
functions as a water reservoir for the Tokyo Area, so expanding
rooftop gardening taking such a measure could create a
water shortage in a dry spell in Tokyo.
コメント
内容のすべてがわかります。
Our のほうが内容がすこし身近に感じられます。
添削後の文章
Planting trees and flowers on the roofs of buildings,
so-called rooftop gardening, has made waves across Japan. Looking at greenery
is good for our eyes, makes us feet at peace and reduces a heat island effect which raises the atmospheric temperature
in urban districts.
However, watering 100,000 artificial foundations for
rooftop greening on the rooftops of buildings such as schools and business
offices in all Tokyo (a total of about 50 million meter squares) for 30 days in
summer would require as much as 20 million cubic meters of water, which is
equivalent to two times the total storage capacity of Tama Lake. Tama Lake
functions as a water reservoir for the Tokyo Area, so expanding rooftop
gardening could create a water
shortage in a dry spell in Tokyo.
読者からの投稿 ６（mxtomi, 27 February 12）
"Flip Side of Green Roof”
A green roof, or a roof of a building covered with
vegetation, is booming nationwide. Green plants are gentle to our eyes, enrich
our lives and mitigate the heat island effect by lowering urban air
temperatures. But, if green roofs are to be installed at 100 thousand of
schools and buildings in Tokyo (about 50 million square meters), approximately
20 million cubic meters of water will be required for 30 days in the dry
season. This volume is twice as much as the water in Lake Tama and large enough
to cause serious water shortage in a long spell of dry weather.
添削
"A Flip Side of the Green
Roof”
A green roof, or a roof of a building covered with
vegetation, is booming popular nationwide. Green plants are
gentle to our eyes, enrich our lives and mitigate the heat island effect by
lowering urban air temperatures. But, if green roofs are to be installed at 100
thousand of schools and buildings in Tokyo (about 50 million square meters),
approximately 20 million cubic meters of water will be required for 30 days in
the dry season. This volume is twice as much as the water in Lake Tama and
large enough to cause a serious water shortage in a long
spell of dry weather.
コメント
内容の総てがわかります。
添削後の文章
"A Flip Side of the Green Roof”
A green roof, or a roof of a building covered with
vegetation, is booming popular nationwide. Green plants are gentle to our eyes,
enrich our lives and mitigate the heat island effect by lowering urban air temperatures.
But, if green roofs are to be installed at 100 thousand of schools and
buildings in Tokyo (about 50 million square meters), approximately 20 million
cubic meters of water will be required for 30 days in the dry season. This
volume is twice as much as the water in Lake Tama and large enough to cause a
serious water shortage in a long spell of dry weather.
読者からの投稿 ５（Lucca, 15 April 11）
Problems about Greenery on the Top of Buildings
Greenly on the rooftops of buildings are very popular
nationwide. It, however, has its good points and bad points. Looking at green
is good for our eyes and makes us refreshed. Furthermore, heat-island effect in
urban areas is reducing by greenery.
But If we use the greenery to cover the rooftops of
hundred thousand buildings and schools which are about fifty-million square
meters wide in Tokyo, we need water of twenty-million square meters for thirty
days in dry season. This amount is almost the same as twofold the Tama Lake's
water. It will create a lack of water.
添削
Problems about with Greenery on the Rooftop Top
of
Buildings
Greenly on the rooftops of buildings are is
very popular nationwide. It, hHowever1, it has
its good points and bad points. Looking at something green is
good for our eyes and makes us refreshed. Furthermore, heat-island effect phenomena in
urban areas can
is be reducing by
greenery.
But If we use the greenery to cover the rooftops of
hundreds
and thousands of buildings and schools in Tokyo, the
total area of rooftops will be2 which are about
fifty-million square meters wide in Tokyo,. Then, we
will need
water of
twenty-million square cubic meters of water for
thirty days in the dry season. This amount is almost twice as much the same
as twofold
the amount
of water in Tama Lake's water. and can It will
create a lack
of water shortage in Tokyo.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. howeverは投稿のように主語の後ろに入れることがおおいですが、ここでは主語はItと短いので、添削のようにしたほうが文の流れがよくなります。
2. 従属節は短くして、短期記憶に入れておく量をすくなくすると読みやすくなります。
添削後の文章
Problems with Greenery on the Rooftop
Greenly on the rooftop is very popular nationwide.
However, it has its good points and bad points. Looking at something green is
good for our eyes and makes us refreshed. Furthermore, heat-island phenomena in
urban areas can be reducing by greenery.
But If we use greenery to cover the rooftops of
hundreds and thousands of buildings and schools in Tokyo, the total area of
rooftops will be about fifty-million square meters. Then, we will need
twenty-million cubic meters of water for thirty days in the dry season. This
amount is almost twice as much as the amount of water in Tama Lake and can
create a water shortage in Tokyo.
読者からの投稿 ４（Kalo. 11 November 10）
"Problems with Rooftop Gardening”
Rooftop gardening, or planting trees and flowers on
the rooftop of a building, has been quite popular across the country. Lush
greenery is easy with the eyes, makes living environments colorful and also
helps to reduce the urban heat island.
But if rooftop gardens are created at 100 thousand of
schools and other buildings in Tokyo (about 50 million squares), they will need
roughly 20 millions cubic meters of water for 30 days during the dry season.
This corresponds to roughly twice the amount of water in Tamako Lake and may result
in the lack of water supply in a dry spell.
添削
"Problems with Rooftop Gardening”
Rooftop gardening, or planting trees and flowers on
the rooftop of a building, is getting1 has been quite
popular across the country. Lush greenery on the rooftop is
easy with the eyes, makes a living environments1
colorful and also helps to reduce the urban heat island phenomenon.
But if rooftop gardens are created at 100 thousand of
schools and other buildings in Tokyo (about 50 million squares meters),
they we will
need roughly 20 millions cubic meters of water for 30 days during the dry
season. This corresponds is to
roughly twice the amount of water in Tamako Lake and may result in the lack of shortage of
water supply in a dry spell.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. 「全国で大流行になった」は、現在大流行している、ということで全国的にどこもかしこも屋上庭園にはなっていないのでは？
2. ある一つの生活環境で代表してよいとおもいます。
添削後の文章
"Problems with Rooftop Gardening”
Rooftop gardening, or planting trees and flowers on
the rooftop of a building, is getting
popular across the country. Lush greenery on the rooftop is easy with
the eyes, makes a living environment colorful and also helps to reduce the
urban heat island phenomenon.
But if rooftop gardens are created at 100 thousand of
schools and other buildings in Tokyo (about 50 million square meters), we will
need roughly 20 millions cubic meters of water for 30 days during the dry
season. This is roughly twice the amount of water in Tamako Lake and may result
in the shortage of water supply in a dry spell.
読者からの投稿 ３（つぶあんこ、6 February 09）
Problems with planting trees and flowers on the roof
of buildings
Planting trees and flowers on the roof of buildings,
so called roof gardening, is booming greatly across the country. Green plants
have a positive effect on eyes and minds as well as contribute to reduce the
heat island effect that exceptionally heats up cities in summer. But if the
roof tops of one hundreds buildings such as schools and office buildings
(around fifty million square meters) in Tokyo turn to green gardens, it will
also demand around twenty million cubic meters of water for thirty days during
the dry season. The volume is twice as much as water in Tamako Lake. The huge
demand may exacerbate the water shortage in case of drought.
添削
Problems with planting trees and flowers on the roofs
of buildings
Planting trees and flowers on the roofs
of buildings, so called rooftop gardens gardening,
is booming greatly across the country. Green
plants have a positive soothing effects1
on eyes and minds as well as contribute to reduce the heat island effect that exceptionally heats
up cities in summer. But if the roof tops of one hundreds thousand
buildings such as schools and office buildings (around fifty million square
meters) in Tokyo turn into green gardens, it they2 will
require also demand
around twenty million cubic meters of water for thirty days during the dry
season. The volume is twice as much as the water in Tamako
Lake. The huge demand for water may exacerbate the water
shortage in case of drought.
コメント
内容の概略はわかりますが、ビルディングの数が日本文と違いますね。
1. いろいろなpositive effectがあるので、ここではsoothing effects とすこし具体的にしました。
2. 主節の主語はまだthe rooftops です。Suppose that the
rooftops of ~. Then, this will require ~.という構造にすると、Suppose that ~のないよう全体をThisで表現できます。
添削後の文章
Problems with planting trees and flowers on the roofs
of buildings
Planting trees and flowers on the roofs of buildings,
so called rooftop gardens, is booming across the country. Green plants have
soothing effects on eyes and minds as well as contribute to reduce the heat
island effect that heats up cities in summer. But if the rooftops of one
hundred thousand buildings such as schools and office buildings (around fifty
million square meters) in Tokyo turn into green gardens, they will require around
twenty million cubic meters of water for thirty days during the dry season. The
volume is twice as much as the water in Tamako Lake. The huge demand for water
may exacerbate the water shortage in case of drought.
読者からの投稿 ２（さくら、11 September 07）
"Problem of Planting the Rooftop Gardens"
Planting trees and grasses in the rooftop garden of
buildings has been widespread across the country. Green plants ease our eyes
and bring natural atmosphere as well as reduce heat island phenomenon. But
Planting in all rooftop gardens of 100 thousands buildings such as schools and business offices in
Tokyo (about 50 million squares) requires around 20 millions cubic meters water
in 30 days during the dry season. This amount is almost twice as much as the
water of Lake Tama. Water may be short in the dry spell.
添削
"Problem of with Planting the
Rooftop Gardens"
Planting trees and grasses in the rooftop
garden of buildings has been widespread across the country. Green plants ease
our eyes and bring a natural atmosphere as well as reduce
the heat
island phenomenon. But Pplanting trees and grass in
all rooftop gardens of 100 thousands buildings such as schools and business
offices in Tokyo (about 50 million squares meters) requires around about 20
millions cubic meters of water in for 30
days during the dry season. This amount is almost twice as much as the water of in Lake
Tama. and will cause
a shortage of water for other uses Water may be short in during
the dry spell.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかりますが、最後の文は添削のようにすると分かりやすくなるでしょう。
添削後の文章
"Problem with Planting the Rooftop Gardens"
Planting trees and grass in the rooftop garden of
buildings has been widespread across the country. Green plants ease our eyes
and bring a natural atmosphere as well as reduce the heat island phenomenon.
But planting trees and grass in all rooftop gardens of 100 thousands buildings
such as schools and business offices in Tokyo (about 50 million square meters)
requires about 20 millions cubic meters of water for 30 days during the dry
season. This amount is almost twice as much as the water in Lake Tama and will
cause a shortage of water for other uses during the dry spell.
読者からの投稿 １（Prim, 15 Sept 03）
“Problems of Roof Greening”
Roof greening has become very popular nationwide. Trees
and flowers on the roof are soft to our eyes and make us feel comfortable. It
is also useful for the heat-island phenomenon in the city by absorbing heat
from the sun. If we want to plant trees and flowers on the roof of 100,000
schools and other buildings in Tokyo (roughly 50 million square-meters), we
will need about 20 million cubic meters of water for the period of 30 days when
rains are not enough. This will be equivalent to twice the amount of Lake Tama
and may cause a general shortage of water for other uses.
添削
“Problems with Plating Trees and Flowers on the Roof of
Building1 Roof Greening”
Roof greening Planting trees and flowers on
the roof of the building has become very popular nationwide. Trees
and flowers on the roof are soft to please our eyes
and make
us feel comfortable soothe our mind2. It isThey are
also useful for reducing the heat-island phenomenon in
the city by absorbing heat from the sun. But planting trees and flowers
on the roof requires water3. If we want to
plant trees and flowers on the roof of 100,000 schools and other buildings in
Tokyo (roughly 50 million square-meters), we will need about 20 million cubic
meters of water for the period of 30 days when rains are not enough scarce4.
This will be equivalent to twice the amount of water in Lake Tama
and may cause a general shortage of water for other uses.
コメント
1. 「屋上緑化」はまだ定まった英語表現がないので、内容をplanting trees and flowers on the roof of
the buildingと説明するのがよいと思います。もし屋上緑化が何回も文章の中に出てくるときには、最初にplanting trees and flowers on the roof of
the building (greening of the rooftop) と説明して、２回目からはgreening of the
rooftopを使います。
2. 投稿のままでもよいですが、please our eyes and soothe our mindと対比した表現にしました。
3. 説明の文を入れて後の文との関連をつけました。
4. Primさんはここのところの日本文を整理して英文で表現しています。渇水期には雨が少ないということをはっきりさせるためにはnot enoughよりscarceがよいとおもいます。
添削後の文章
“Problems with Plating Trees and Flowers on the Roof
of Building”
Planting trees and flowers on the roof of the building
has become very popular nationwide. Trees and flowers on the roof please our
eyes and soothe our mind. They are also useful for reducing the heat-island
phenomenon in the city by absorbing heat from the sun. But planting trees and
flowers on the roof requires water. If we want to plant trees and flowers on
the roof of 100,000 schools and other buildings in Tokyo (roughly 50 million
square-meters), we will need about 20 million cubic meters of water for the
period of 30 days when rains are scarce. This will be equivalent to twice the
amount of water in Lake Tama and may cause a general shortage of water for
other uses.
米ペンシルベニア州の炭鉱跡地で４０年余りも地下の石炭層が燃え続け、周囲の森林が焼き尽くされたり、道路が陥没するなどなど環境問題が深刻化している。地下火災が起きたのは一九六二年。町のごみ焼却場の炎が地下の石炭層に引火し、瞬く間に燃え広がった。炭鉱は１９５０年代半ばに閉山したが、約４千万トンが地下深くに眠っているといわれる。 ４０年余りで既に東京ドーム４２個分に相当する約２百万平方メートルが焼失したが残りの石炭が燃え尽きるのには、あと少なくとも２００年かかる。
読者からの投稿 ６（Suzume,
26 September 19）
An underground bed of coal has been burning for more
than 40 years at an abandoned coal mine site in Pennsylvania, United States,
and has caused such serious environmental damage that the roads have caved in
and the surrounding forests have been burned down.
In 1962, a fire from a garbage incineration plant in
the town reached the subsurface coal mine and it quickly got out of control. Thus,
the coal mine was closed in the middle of the 1950s. The fire has already
burned up about two million square meters of the area, which is equivalent in
size to about 42 times of Tokyo Dome, over a little more than 40 years.
However, experts assume that it will take at least 200 years for the rest of
the coal to be entirely consumed because there are still about 40 million tons
of coal deep under the ground in this area.
添削
An underground bed of coal has been burning for more
than 40 years at an abandoned coal mine site in Pennsylvania, United States,
and has caused such serious environmental damage that the roads have caved in
and the surrounding forests have been burned down.
In 1962, a fire from at a
garbage incineration plant in the town reached the subsurface coal mine and it quickly
got out of control. Thus, the coal mine was closed in the middle of the 1950s. By now, Tthe
fire has already
burned up about two million square meters of the area, which is
equivalent in size to about 42 times of Tokyo Dome, over a little more than 40
years. However, experts assume say that it will
take at least 200 more years for the rest of the coal to
be entirely consumed because there are still about 40 million tons of coal deep
under the ground in this area.
コメント
内容のすべてがわかります。
添削後の文章
An underground bed of coal has been burning for more
than 40 years at an abandoned coal mine site in Pennsylvania, United States,
and has caused such serious environmental damage that the roads have caved in
and the surrounding forests have been burned down.
In 1962, a fire at a garbage incineration plant in the
town reached the subsurface coal mine and quickly got out of control. Thus, the
coal mine was closed in the middle of the 1950s. By now, the fire has burned up
about two million square meters of the area, which is equivalent in size to
about 42 times of Tokyo Dome, over a little more than 40 years. However,
experts say that it will take at least 200 more years for the rest of the coal
to be entirely consumed because there are still about 40 million tons of coal
deep under the ground in this area..
読者からの投稿 ５（mxtomi, 29 February 12）
"Fire in the Closed Coal Mine”
A coal seam fire has been smoldering for some 40 years
at a closed coal mine in Pennsylvania, causing serious environmental problems
like burning out of surrounding forests and subsidence of roads around. The
fire started in 1962 when a fire set at a trash incineration pit in the town
spread to the vein of coal underneath the pit, lighting the subsequent
subterranean fire. The coal mine is said to have left 40 million tons of coal
intact deep under the underground when it was closed in the midst of 1950’s.
These past 40 years, about two million square meter of the coal mine, forty-two
times as large as Tokyo Dome, has burned out. Yet, at least 200 more years will
be needed before the fire completely burns itself.
添削
"A Fire in the Closed Coal Mine”
A coal seam fire has been smoldering for some 40 years
at a closed coal mine in Pennsylvania, causing serious environmental problems
like burning out of surrounding forests and subsidence of roads around. The
fire started in 1962 when a fire set at a trash incineration pit in the town
spread to the vein of coal underneath the pit, lighting the subsequent
subterranean fire. The coal mine is said to have left 40 million
tons of coal left intact deep under the underground
when it was closed in the midst middle of 1950’s. Over Tthese
past 40 years, about two million square meter of the coal mine,;
that was
roughly forty-two times as large as Tokyo Dome, has burned out.
Yet, at least 200 more years will be needed before the fire completely burns
itself
out.
コメント
内容のすべてがわかります。
添削後の文章
"A Fire in the Closed Coal Mine”
A coal seam fire has been smoldering for some 40 years
at a closed coal mine in Pennsylvania, causing serious environmental problems
like burning out of surrounding forests and subsidence of roads around. The
fire started in 1962 when a fire set at a trash incineration pit in the town
spread to the vein of coal underneath the pit, lighting the subsequent
subterranean fire. The coal mine is said to have 40 million tons of coal left
intact deep under the underground when it was closed in the middle of 1950’s.
Over these past 40 years, about two million square meter of the coal mine; that
was roughly forty-two times as large as Tokyo Dome, has burned out. Yet, at
least 200 more years will be needed before the fire completely burns itself
out.
読者からの投稿 ４（Lucca, 15 April 11）
Fire in the Closed Coal Mine Site in Pennsylvania
Environment problems are very serious in closed coal
site in Pennsylvania in the US. Due to the underground coal-seam fire for forty
years, the forests were burned and the roads sagged.
It started burning from a town's garbage incineration
plant to the underground coal-seam in 1962. The coal mine which perhaps kept
the coals of forty-million ton in the underground was closed in the mid-1950s.
Since then, over the last forty years it has already burned on two million
square meters wide which is the same as forty-twofold the Tokyo Dome. At least
two hundred more years will be needed till It all burns out.
添削
A Fire in the Closed Coal Mine Site
in Pennsylvania
Environment problems are becoming1 very
serious at
in a closed coal mine site
in Pennsylvania, the United States in the US. Due
to as an the
underground coal-seam fire keeps burning for the last forty years,
burning
down the forests were burned and the and sagging down
roads around sagged.
It The fire at the coal mine2 started
when a
fire burning from at a town's garbage
incineration plant ignited to the an
underground coal-seam in 1962. The coal mine which perhaps has kept the coals
of forty-million tons of coal in the underground was
closed in the mid-1950s. Since then, oOver the last forty
years
since then, it the fire has already
burned on out about two
million square meters of coal ,wide which is as large the same
as forty-twofold
the Tokyo Domes. Yet, Aat
least two hundred more years will be needed before the fire till It all
burns out
all coal.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. 現在進行形にすると臨場感がでます。
2. 短い文章ですが、名詞を繰り返したほうがわかりやすくなります。
添削後の文章
A Fire in the Closed Coal Mine in Pennsylvania
Environment problems are becoming very serious at a
closed coal mine in Pennsylvania, the United States as an underground coal-seam
fire keeps burning for the last forty years, burning down forests and sagging
down roads around .
The fire at the coal mine started when a
fire at a town's garbage incineration plant ignited an underground coal-seam in 1962.
The coal mine which perhaps has forty-million tons of coal in the underground
was closed in the mid-1950s. Over the last forty years since then, the fire has already burned out about
two million square meters of coal, which is as large as forty Tokyo Domes. Yet, at least two
hundred more years will be needed before the fire burns out all coal.
読者からの投稿 ３（Kalo, 14 December 10）
"Fire in the Closed Coal Mine”
A coal-seam fire has been burning over forty years at
the old site of a coal mine in Pennsylvania. The fire has burnt out the
surrounding forests and caved in the roads, causing serious environmental
problems.
The fire started in 1962, when burning trash at a
garbage pit caught the underground coal seam on fire, and then progressed so
quickly. The coal mine was closed in the middle of 1950s but it is said that
there are still some forty million tons of coal in the coal mine.
For the past forty years, about 2 million square
meters of the coal mine, forty-two times larger than Tokyo Dome, has burnt out,
but it will take at least 200 years for the rest of the coal to completely burn
out.
添削
"Fire in the Closed Coal Mine”
A fire in the under-ground coal-seam fire
has been burning over the last forty years at an the
old coal
mine site of a coal mine in Pennsylvania. The
fire has also
burnt out the surrounding forests and caved in the roads, causing
serious environmental problems.
The fire started in 1962, when burning trash
at a garbage pit caught the underground coal seam on fire, and then progressed
so quickly. The coal mine was closed in the middle of 1950s but it is said that
there are still some forty million tons of coal in the coal mine.
For the past forty years, about 2 million square
meters of the coal mine, forty-two times larger as large as than
Tokyo Dome, has
have burnt out., but iIt
will take at least 200 more years for the rest of the coal to
be completely
burn out.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
添削後の文章
"Fire in the Closed Coal Mine”
A fire in the under-ground coal-seam has been burning
over the last forty years at an old coal mine site in Pennsylvania. The fire
has also burnt out the surrounding forests and caved in the roads, causing
serious environmental problems.
The fire started in 1962,when burning trash at a
garbage pit caught the underground coal seam on fire, and then progressed so
quickly. The coal mine was closed in the middle of 1950s but it is said that
there are still some forty million tons of coal in the coal mine.
For the past forty years, about 2 million square
meters of the coal mine, forty-two times as large as Tokyo Dome, have burnt
out. It will take at least 200 more years for the rest of the coal to be
completely burn out.
読者からの投稿 ２（つぶあんこ、14 February 09）
A fire in the closed coal mine site
At a closed coal mine site in Pennsylvania, a fire in
a coal seam has lasted for more than forty years. The fire brought serious
environmental hazards such as burning down the surrounding forest and
collapsing the road above the site. The underground fire broke out in 1962. The
flame of the refuse incineration plant in the town spread to the coal seam and
extended itself in the blink of an eye in the underground. The coal mine was
closed in the mid -1950’s but it is said that there is still about forty
million tons of coal in the deep underground.
Around two million square meters of the coal mine
site, which is equivalent of forty-two times as large as the Tokyo Dome, has
already burned out for forty and more years. But it will take at least two
hundred more years that the rest of the coal burns out.
添削
A fire in the closed coal mine site1
At a closed coal mine site in
Pennsylvania, a fire in a the coal seam2
has lasted
been burning for more than forty
years. The fire brought serious environmental hazards damages such
as a burn-out of burning down
the surrounding
forest in the surrounding area and collapses of collapsing the
roads
above the site3. The underground fire broke out in 1962. when the
The
flame from
an of the refuse incineration plant in
the town spread to the a coal seam in the mine
and extended itself quickly to the whole underground coal mine4
in the blink of an eye in the underground.
The coal mine was closed in the mid -1950’s but it is said that there is still
about forty million tons of coal in the deep underground.
Around two million square meters of the coal mine
site, which is equivalent of forty-two times as large as the
Tokyo Domes,
has already burned out for forty and more years. Bu tbut
it will take at least two hundred more years that before the
rest of the
coal burns out.
コメント
内容の総てがわかります。
1. closed mineとあるので現在は閉山されていることがわかりますからsiteはいりません。
2. この炭鉱の石炭層ですからthe coal seamがよいでしょう。
3. A burn-out, collapsesと名詞にしたほうがわかりやすくなります。
4. 「瞬く間」とありますが、民家の火事と違い、地下の石炭層の火事ですから、「瞬きをする間に燃え広がった」とはおもえません。
添削後の文章
A fire in the closed coal mine
At a closed coal mine in Pennsylvania, a fire in the
coal seam has been burning for more than forty years. The fire brought serious
environmental damages such as a burn-out of the forest in the surrounding area
and collapses of the roads above the site. The underground fire broke out in
1962 when the flame from an incineration plant in the town spread to a coal
seam in the mine and extended itself quickly to the whole underground coal
mine. The coal mine was closed in the mid -1950’s but it is said that there is
still about forty million tons of coal in the deep underground.
Around two million square meters of the coal mine
site, which is equivalent of forty-two
Tokyo Domes, has already burned out but it will take at least two
hundred more years before the rest of coal burns out.
読者からの投稿 １（さくら、12 September 07）
"Fire in the Abandoned Coal Mine"
The underground coal layer in an abandoned coal mine
in Pennsylvania State, U.S. has been burning for around 40 years. The woods
around the site were burned out and the road fell down in many places. The
surrounding environment is deteriorating. The fire started in 1962 when the
flame from garbage incineration plant ignited the underground coal layer. It
was instantly spread. The coal mine was closed in the middle of 1950s, but they
say that some 40 million tons of coal still remains in the mine. For forty
years, two million square meters of the coal layer which is 42 times as large
as Tokyo Dome was already burned out. It will take at least 200 years to burn
out all of the coal.
添削
"Fire in the Abandoned Coal Mine in Pennsylvania"
The underground coal layer in an abandoned coal mine
in Pennsylvania State, U.S. has been burning for around more than 40
years. The woods
forests around the site were burned out down and
the road fell down into the mine in many places. The
surrounding environment is deteriorating. The fire started in 1962 when the a flame
from a
nearby garbage incineration plant ignited the underground coal
layer. It The fire was
instantly spread in the coal mine. The coal mine was
closed in the middle of 1950s, but they say that some 40 million tons of coal
still remains in the mine. For Over the last forty
years, two million square meters of the coal layer which is 42 times as large
as Tokyo Dome was has already burned
out.
but It
will take at least 200 more years to burn out all of the coal in the mine.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。ちょこちょこと添削して読みやすくしました。
添削後の文章
"Fire in the Abandoned Coal Mine in
Pennsylvania"
The underground coal layer in an abandoned coal mine
in Pennsylvania State, U.S. has been burning for more than 40 years. The
forests around the site were burned down and the road fell down into the mine
in many places. The surrounding environment is deteriorating. The fire started
in 1962 when a flame from a nearby garbage incineration plant ignited the
underground coal layer. The fire instantly spread in the coal mine. The coal
mine was closed in the middle of 1950s, but they say that some 40 million tons
of coal still remains in the mine. Over the last forty years, two million
square meters of the coal layer which is 42 times as large as Tokyo Dome has
already burned out but It will take at least 200 more years to burn out all of
the coal in the mine.
浅間山で今年２月、１３年ぶりに噴火が確認された。これまで四回、いずれも微小で、明らかなマグマの上昇は見られず、山ろくに危険が及ぶような噴火は当面はないと考えられている。だが、過去に激しい活動を繰り返した日本を代表する火山だけに、地元では次の動きを注意深く見守っている。
読者からの投稿 ６（Suzume, 27 September 19）
This February, Mt. Asama began to erupt after a lapse
of 13 years. Since then, four small eruptions have been observed but there is
no clear sign of magma ascent. So, experts are considering that for the time
being there will not be an eruption which can pose a danger for people living
at the foot of Mt. Asama. However, Mt. Asama is one of Japan's best-known
volcanos that has erupted violently and repeatedly throughout history, so local
people are on high alert to this situation.
添削
This February, Mt. Asama began to erupt after a lapse
of 13 years. Since then, four small eruptions have been observed but there is
no clear sign of magma ascent. So, experts are considering that for the time
being there will not be an eruption which can pose a danger for people living
at the foot of Mt. Asama. However, Mt. Asama is one of Japan's best-known
volcanos that has erupted violently and repeatedly throughout history, so local
people are on high alert to this situation.
コメント
内容のすべてがわかります。添削箇所はありません。
読者からの投稿 ５（mxtomi, 4 March 12）
"The Eruption of Mount Asama”
In February this year, Mount Asama erupted for the
first time in thirteen years. All of the 4 eruption so far observed were small,
showing no indication of the magma welling up. Experts say there will be no
major eruption that could endanger the foot of the volcano. However, given that
the mountain is notorious for its violent volcanic activities in the past,
local people are carefully monitoring how the things will develop.
添削
"The Eruption of Mount Asama”
In February this year, Mount Asama erupted for the
first time in thirteen years. All of the 4 four eruptions
so far
observed so
far this year were small, showing no
indication of the magma welling up. Experts say there will be no major eruption
that could endanger people living at the foot of the
volcano. However, given that the mountain is notorious for its violent volcanic
activities in the past, local people are carefully monitoring how the things
will develop.
コメント
内容のすべてがわかります。
添削後の文章
"The Eruption of Mount Asama”
In February this year, Mount Asama erupted for the
first time in thirteen years. All of the four eruptions observed so far this
year were small, showing no indication of the magma welling up. Experts say there
will be no major eruption that could endanger people living at the foot of the
volcano. However, given that the mountain is notorious for its violent volcanic
activities in the past, local people are carefully monitoring how the things
will develop.
読者からの投稿 ４（Lucca, 16 April 11）
Eructation on the Mount Asama
The Mount Asama erupted fore times this February for
the first time in thirteen years. But the eructation was very small and the
figure of magma didn't obviously go up. The serious eructations that would
affect the villages on the foot of the mountain don't seem to occur for a
while. Local residents keep monitoring the mountain because the mountain is
famous volcano that represents Japan with its active eructation history.
添削
Eructation The Eruption of on the
Mount Asama
The Mount Asama erupted fore four times
this February for the first time in thirteen years. But the eructation eruption was
very small and the figure of magma didn't obviously move go
up. The A serious
eruption eructations
that will would
affect the villages on the foot of the mountain is not likely don't seem to
occur for a while. Local residents keep monitoring the mountain because the
mountain is famous for its violent volcanoic activities in the past and is one of
major volcanoes in that represents Japan with its active
eructation history1.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. 「過去に激しい活動を繰り返した日本を代表する火山だけに」は連体形の日本文ですが、英文では添削のように二つに分けたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。
添削後の文章
The Eruption of Mount Asama
Mount Asama erupted four times this February for the
first time in thirteen years. But the eruption was very small and the magma
didn't obviously move up. A serious eruption that will affect the villages on
the foot of the mountain is not likely to occur for a while. Local residents
keep monitoring the mountain because the mountain is famous for its violent
volcanic activities in the past and is one of major volcanoes in Japan.
読者からの投稿 ３（Kalo, 21 December 10）
"Mount Asama Erupted”
In February this year, Mount Asama erupted for the
first time in thirteen years. So far, four eruptions have been observed. But
all of the eruptions were small and no signs have been confirmed that the magma
coming up toward the crater. There has been also no likelihood that a major
eruption will affect the foothills of the volcano. However, local people are
watching Mount Asama carefully because it had a series of explosive eruptions
in the past.
添削
"Mount Asama Erupted”
In February this year, Mount Asama erupted for the
first time in thirteen years. So far, four eruptions have been observed. But
all of the eruptions were small and no signs have been confirmed that the magma
was coming
up toward the crater. There has been also no likelihood of that
a major eruption that1 will affect the
foothills of the volcano. However, local people are carefully watching
Mount Asama carefully2
because it had a series of explosive eruptions in the past.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. この文章構造のほうがわかりやすいでしょう。
2. 最近は日本語風に副詞を動詞の前に置くことが多くなっています。
添削後の文章
"Mount Asama Erupted”
In February this year, Mount Asama erupted for the
first time in thirteen years. So far, four eruptions have been observed. But
all of the eruptions were small and no signs have been confirmed that the magma
was coming up toward the crater. There has been also no likelihood of a major
eruption that will affect the foothills of the volcano. However, local people
are carefully watching Mount Asama because it had a series of explosive
eruptions in the past.
読者からの投稿 ２（さくら、20 September 07）
“Explosions at Mt. Asama”
In February of this year, explosions were confirmed at
Mt. Asama for the first time in thirteen years. So far, four small explosions
were observed but the magmas did not ascend yet. Big explosions which will
affect mountainsides are not supposed to occur for a while. Close attention
should be paid because Mt. Asama is one of the most active volcanoes in Japan
which has ever had big explosions many times.
添削
“Explosions at Mt. Asama”
In February of this year, several explosions
were confirmed at Mt. Asama for the first time in thirteen years. So far, four
small explosions were observed but the magmas did not ascend yet.
Big explosions which will can endanger and properties in the
foothills1 affect mountainsides
are not supposed to occur for a while. However, Cclose attention
should be paid because Mt. Asama is one of the most active volcanoes in Japan
which has
ever had big explosions many times in the past.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。火山の噴火はa volcanic eruptionかなとおもって辞書を引くと、When a volcano erupts, it throws out a lot of hot,
melted rock called lava, as well as ash and steam.とあります。この浅間山の噴火では溶岩の噴出はなかったので、eruptionsよりexplosionsが適当でしょうね。
1. affect the mountainsideとすると、噴火が山の中腹が変形する、という意味に取れます。
添削後の文章
“Explosions at Mt. Asama”
In February this year, several explosions were
confirmed at Mt. Asama for the first time in thirteen years. So far, four small
explosions were observed but the magma did not ascend yet. Big explosions which
can endanger and properties in the foothills are not supposed to occur for a
while. However, close attention should be paid because Mt. Asama is one of the
most active volcanoes in Japan which had big explosions many times in the past.
読者からの投稿 １（Jasmine, 23 Sept 03）
“Eruptions of Mt. Asama”
In February this year, several eruptions were observed
at Mt. Asama after 13 years. Four minor eruptions took place but no upward
movement of magma was observed. At present, it is considered that there will be
no major eruption that can endanger the foothills. Nevertheless, people are
watching Mt. Asama closely because it is one of the most famous volcanoes in
Japan that has a history of violent volcanic activities in the past.
添削
“Eruptions of on Mt. Asama”
In February this year, several eruptions were observed
at Mt. Asama after 13 years, which had been dormant for 13
years1. Four minor eruptions took place but no upward
movement of magma was observed. At present, it is considered appears2
that there will be no major eruption that can could endanger
people
and properties3 in the foothills.
Nevertheless3, local people are watching Mt. Asama
closely because it is one of the most famous active4 volcanoes
in Japan that has a history of violent volcanic activities activity in
the past.
コメント
1. after the last eruption 13 years agoとしてもよいですが、添削では少し説明を加えました。
2. 「～と考えられている」という表現は日本文によくあります。「火山の専門家は～と考えている」という文を受身形で表現して「火山の専門家」を省略しています。英文でもIt is considered that…という形はありますが、このときの隠れた主語は「世の中の人一般」を指す場合が多く、この日本文の例のように隠れた主語が特定の人の時は It is considered by volcano researchers
that…としないと文が曖昧な感じになります。添削ではit appears that…としました。これでも隠れた主語は表に出てきませんが、「（私がが専門家に話をきいたところによると）～のようだ。」という感じになり、it is said that…とより内容の表現が積極的になります。
3. この文脈で文と文をつなげるのに適当な副詞ですね。
4. Famous の内容を具体的にしました。
添削後の文章
“Eruptions on Mt. Asama”
In February this year, several eruptions were observed
at Mt. Asama, which had been dormant for 13 years. Four minor eruptions took
place but no upward movement of magma was observed. At present, it appears that
there will be no major eruption that could endanger people and properties in
the foothills. Nevertheless, local people are watching Mt. Asama closely
because it is one of the most active volcanoes in Japan that has a history of
violent volcanic activity in the past.
ネットのサイト利用料など使った覚えがないインターネットのサイト利用料などの支払いを、はがきやメール、電話などで脅迫的に要求される「架空請求」の被害が後を絶たない。無視すれば金銭面での実害はないが、精神的な苦痛は大きい。振込先の口座がある銀行に訴えれば、銀行側が調査し、口座を閉鎖することもある。業者に請求をやめさせるには、口座番号を銀行に連絡し、対策を求めることが有効だ。
読者からの投稿 ７（Suzume,
29 September 19）
There is no end to the number of victims of fraudulent
billing where fraudsters charge you with non-existing website usage fees by
postcard, email and phone in a threatening fashion. If you ignore them, they
cause no actual damage to you in terms of money, but it can cause you
significant psychological suffering. If you report the fraudulent billing to
the bank that has a fraudster’s account, the bank can close the account after
some investigation. So, it makes sense to call on banks to take measures by telling
them the fraud's account number in order to stop the fraudulent billing.
添削
There is no end to the number of victims of fraudulent
billing on
the Internet where fraudsters charge you with non-existing website
usage fees by postcard, email and phone in a threatening fashion. If you ignore
them, they cause no actual damage to you in terms of money, but it they can
cause you significant psychological suffering. If you report the fraudulent
billing to the bank that has a fraudster’s account, the bank can close the
account after some investigation. So, it makes sense to call on banks to take
measures by telling them the fraud's account number in order to stop the
fraudulent billing.
コメント
内容のすべてがわかります。
添削後の文章
There is no end to the number of victims of fraudulent
billing on the Internet where fraudsters charge you with non-existing website
usage fees by postcard, email and phone in a threatening fashion. If you ignore
them, they cause no actual damage to you in terms of money, but they can cause
you significant psychological suffering. If you report the fraudulent billing
to the bank that has a fraudster’s account, the bank can close the account
after some investigation. So, it makes sense to call on banks to take measures
by telling them the fraud's account number in order to stop the fraudulent
billing.
読者からの投稿 ６（mxtomi, 4 March 12）
"Billing Frauds on Internet”
There seems to be no end to the number of billing
frauds which call for your payments for services you have never received such
as an internet access charge for a particular site. The fraudulent bills come
to you in the form of postcards, emails or phone calls, often with a
threatening tone. You can simply ignore the bills without suffering any tangible
monetary damage. Still, you may suffer mental anguish. You may want to ask for
help from the bank having an account to which you are requested to remit your
payment. The bank will investigate and may close the account. Reporting the
account number of the shady payee to the bank and soliciting their
investigation is an effective way to stop the fraudulent company from sending
you the fake invoices.
添削
"Billing Frauds on Internet”
There seems to be no end to the number of billing
frauds on
the Internet which call for your payments for services you have
never received such as an internet access charge for a particular site. The
fraudulent bills come to you in the form of postcards, e-mails
or phone calls, often with a threatening tone. You can simply ignore the bills
without suffering any tangible monetary damage. Still, you may suffer mental
anguish. You may want to ask for help from the bank having an account to which
you are requested to remit your payment. The bank will investigate your complain and
may close the account. Reporting the account number of the a shady
payee to a
the bank and soliciting their
investigation is an effective way to stop the fraudulent company from sending
you any
more the fake invoices.
コメント
内容のすべてがわかります。
添削後の文章
"Billing Frauds on Internet”
There seems to be no end to the number of billing
frauds on the Internet which call for your payments for services you have never
received such as an internet access charge for a particular site. The
fraudulent bills come to you in the form of postcards, e-mail or phone calls,
often with a threatening tone. You can simply ignore the bills without
suffering any tangible monetary damage. Still, you may suffer mental anguish.
You may want to ask for help from the bank having an account to which you are
requested to remit your payment. The bank will investigate your complain and
may close the account. Reporting the account number of a shady payee to a bank
and soliciting their investigation is an effective way to stop the fraudulent
company from sending you any more fake invoices.
読者からの投稿 ５（Lucca, 16 April 11）
Billing Fraud on the Internet
Many people are victimized by billing fraud on the
Internet. They are threateningly claimed payment of Internet sites that they
never use by letters, e-mails and phone calls. If they ignore bills, they don't
have financial damages, but it remains mental damages.
The bank could check the account number and close this
account if they report their damages to a bank that has the account number of a
billing fraud. The effective way to
put a stop to billing frauds is that they should inform the bank about the bank
account number to be used for the billing fraud.
添削
Billing Fraud Billing
on the Internet
Many people are victimized by billing fraud billing on
the Internet. The victims1 They
are threateninglyed to make
claimed
payment to
an of Internet sites that they have never used by letters, e-mails and phone calls. If they
ignore bills, they don't have any financial
damages, but may still suffer2 it remains mental damages.
The A bank can could
check the account number of a fraud bill and close this account
if they a victim of such
a fraud reports his/her their
damages to
a bank that has the account number of a billing fraud. The An effective way to
put a stop to billing frauds billing is that they a victim should
informs
the bank about the bank account number to be used for the billing fraud billing.
コメント
英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、They are threateningly claimed payment of Internet sites
that they never use by letters, e-mails and phone calls. If they ignore bills,
they don't have financial damages, but it remains mental damages. の内容がよくわかりません。
1. この文章にはいろいろな登場人物がいるので、代名詞を使わずに名詞で人物がすぐにわかるようにします。
2. この文の前半の主語がtheyですから、後半もこの主語にします。並列文のなかで主語を変えると内容がわかりにくくなります。
添削後の文章
Fraud Billing on
the Internet
Many people are victimized by fraud billing on the
Internet. The victims are threatened to make payment to an Internet site that
they have never used by letters, e-mails and phone calls. If they ignore bills,
they don't have any financial damage but may still suffer mental damage.
A bank can check the account number of a fraud bill
and close this account if a victim of such a fraud reports his/her damage. An
effective way to put a stop to fraud billing is that a victim informs the bank
about the bank account number to be used for the fraud billing.
読者からの投稿 ４（Kalo, 19 December 10）
"Billing Fraud Involving Internet Use”
Billing fraud cases involving Internet use are
rampant. Victims are forced by threatening mail, e-mail or call to pay the bill
for a website they don’t remember having visited.
You can avoid financial damage as long as you ignore
such a bill but you may suffer mental anguish. To prevent fraud billing, one of
the measures you can take is to ask a bank for cooperation. You can ask a bank
to investigate the account you are threatened to pay into. The bank will close
the account if they find it is used for billing fraud.
添削
"Billing Fraud on the Involving
Internet Use”
Billing fraud cases involving on the Internet
use are is
rampant. Victims are sometimes forced into paying a fraudulent bill for a website
they don’t remember having visited1 by threatening mail,
e-mail or a
telephone call to pay the bill for a website they don’t remember
having visited.
You can avoid financial damage as long as you ignore
such a bill but you may suffer mental anguish. To prevent billing fraud billing,
one of the
measures you can take is to ask a bank which has an account2 where you are supposed
to send your payment to for cooperation. You can ask a The
bank can to
investigate the account you are threatened to pay into. The bank and
will
close it the account
down3 if
they find that
the account it is used for billing fraud.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. ここに入れた方がよいでしょう。
2. どのような銀行かを最初に説明したほうがよいでしょう。
3. The bank investigates and closes it down.と続いたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。
添削後の文章
"Billing Fraud on the Internet ”
Billing fraud on the Internet is rampant. Victims are
sometimes forced into paying a fraudulent bill for a website they don’t
remember having visited by threatening mail, e-mail or a telephone call
You can avoid financial damage as long as you ignore
such a bill but you may suffer mental anguish. To prevent billing fraud, you
can ask the bank which has an account where you are supposed to send your
payment to. The bank can investigate the account and close it down if they find that the account is
used for billing fraud.
読者からの投稿 ３（あすか、31 January 10）
"Online Bill Fraud"
There seems to be no end of online crimes where
internet service companies send users the invoice which charges unused internet
site fees by mails and e-mails, or threats by phone calls. If you ignored the
bill, you would get rid of the payment but cause emotional discomfort. If you
claim the bank had transferred the account, the bank will be investigated the
account and may close it. To stop sending the bill, you have to take some
measures, such as calling the bank and notifying the account number of the fraud
company.
添削
"Online Bill Fraudulent Billing on the Internet"
There seems to be no end of to internet online
crimes in
which you receive a bill by e-mail, letter or telephone from where
internet
service a companiesy on the
internet for its service which
you have never used send users the invoice which
charges unused internet site fees by mails and e-mails, or threats by phone
calls. If you ignored the bill, you don’t lose any money would get rid of
the payment but suffer some cause emotional
discomfort. If you inform claim the bank to which you are
supposed to send your payment had transferred the
account, the bank will be investigated the account of this
fraudulent company and may close it. To stop the fraudulent company sending
a the
bill to
you, you have to take some measures, such as the above example calling the bank and notifying the account
number of the fraud company.
コメント
英文の内容に構文上の問題があり、内容がわかりません。いろいろな人、会社が文章の中に出てくるの、まずそれらの間の関係を理解、整理してから、英文で表現するとよいでしょう。インターネット上にサイトを持ちある種のサービスを提供している会社がある。あなたはこの会社から電子メール、葉書、電話で使った覚えのないサービス料金を請求される。これらの請求を無視しておけば、実害はない。架空請求を止める一つの方法は、この会社のサービス料金の支払い先に指定されている銀行口座を持つ銀行に電話して事情を説明することである。銀行はこの会社の内容を調査して、必要があれば口座を閉鎖する。
添削後の文章
" Fraudulent Billing on the Internet"
There seems to be no end to internet online crimes in
which you receive a bill by e-mail, letter or telephone from a company on the
internet for its service which you have never used. If you ignored the bill,
you don’t lose any money but suffer some emotional discomfort. If you inform the
bank to which you are supposed to send your payment, the bank will investigate
the account of this fraudulent company and may close it. To stop the fraudulent
company send a bill to you, you have to take some measures such as the above
example .
読者からの投稿 ２（さくら、24 September 07）
“Billing fraud for Internet Use”
Billing frauds which force Internet users to pay
access fees for web sites by mail, e-mail or telephone continue to be sent. The
users do not actually access to those web sites. If you ignore those notices,
you do not suffer from practical damage, but you often get mental damage. When
you report it to the bank whose account criminals instruct to pay to, the bank
will research the account owner and close the account. To stop the billing
fraud, it is effective to report the account number to the bank and ask for any
solutions.
添削
“Fraudulent Billing fraud for Internet
Users”
Fraudulent Bbilling frauds for unused
Internet web services which force Internet users to pay access fees for
web sites by mail, e-mail or telephone continues to be sent. The users do not
actually access to those web sites. If you ignore those the billing notices,
you do not suffer from any financial practical
damage, but you often get mental damage anguish. When you
report it to the bank whose account criminals the fraudster instructs you
to pay into,
the bank will research the account owner and close the account. To stop the such fraudulent billing
fraud,
it is effective to report the account number to the bank and ask for any solutions.
コメント
英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、キーセンテンスのBilling frauds which force Internet users to
pay access fees for web sites by mail, e-mail or telephone continue to
be sent.の意味がはっきりしません。下線部分が「ウェブへのアクセス料金を手紙、電子メール、電話で支払う」となります。このような意味になるのはbilling fraudsのbillingが請求書という意味があり、billing continues to be sent.と続くからです。you often get mental damageは怖い話ですが、ではどうして精神障害になるのかな、と疑問が生じます。
添削後の文章
“Fraudulent Billing for Internet Users”
Fraudulent billing for unused Internet web services by
mail, e-mail or telephone continues to be sent. If you ignore the billing, you
do not suffer any financial damage, but you often get mental anguish. When you
report it to the bank whose account the fraudster instructs you to pay into,
the bank will research the account owner and close the account. To stop such
fraudulent billing, it is effective to report the account number to the bank.
読者からの投稿 １（ケン、15 Sept 03）
“Fake Invoices on the Internet”
Fake invoices for unused services are still prevalent
on the Internet. Some fake invoices are sent to people by regular mail and
e-mail with threatening contents. If receivers of such fake invoice ignore
them, they can avoid any financial damage. But they suffer mentally. When the
invoice has a bank account for payment, people can contact the bank with which
the account is registered. The bank can investigate and may close the account.
This is an effective way of stopping the sender of the fake invoice send any
further invoice.
添削
“Fake Invoices on the Internet”
Fake invoices for unused services are still prevalent
on the Internet. Some fake invoices are sent to people by regular mail and
e-mail with threatening contents1. If rReceivers
of such fake invoices can ignore them, they can and
avoid any financial damages2. Bbut
they suffer mentally mental anguish.
When the invoice has a bank account for payment, people can contact the bank
with which
the account number is registered3.
The bank can investigate and may close the account. This is an effective way of
stopping the sender of the fake invoice from sending
any further invoices.
コメント
1. ケンさんは「ネットのサイト利用料など使った覚えがないインターネットのサイト利用料などの支払いを、はがきやメール、電話などで脅迫的に要求される「架空請求」の被害が後を絶たない。」を日本文の構造のとらわれずに内容を整理して上手に英文で表現しています。「架空請求」を主語にして文を簡明にしています。
2. 「無視すれば金銭面での実害はない。」は「もし～すれば、～である。」の英文の形もつかえますが、添削のようにすると内容が強く表現できます。
3. 添削のように省略できます。
添削後の文章
“Fake Invoices on the Internet”
Fake invoices for unused services are still prevalent
on the Internet. Some fake invoices are sent to people by regular mail and
e-mail with threatening contents. Receivers of such fake invoices can ignore
them and avoid any financial damages but they suffer mental anguish. When the invoice has a
bank account for payment, people can contact the bank with the account number.
The bank can investigate and may close the account. This is an effective way of
stopping the sender of the fake invoice from sending any further invoices.
国民年金保険料の納付率が過去最悪となった問題で社会保険庁は１４日までに、所得や財産があるにもかかわらず保険料を納めない悪質な未納者約１万人をリストアップして強制徴収に乗り出す方針を決めた。９月にも全国の社会保険事務局にリスト作成を指示。最終的な督促にも応じない場合は、預貯金などの差し押さえ手続きに入る構えだ。差し押さえの実施は来年になるとみられる。
読者からの投稿 ６（Suzume,
1 October 19）
In response to sobering statistics that the payment
rate of the national pension premiums had hit an all-time low, the Social
Insurance Agency decided a now policy on the 14th of this month. That is, the
Agency would list about 10,000 evil delinquents who were never going to pay the
mandatory premiums for the national pension plan even though they had enough
property and income so that the Agency could collect their overdue debts
forcibly. The Agency will order all the Regional Social Insurance Bureaus in
Japan to draw up the list in September. If the delinquents ignore the final
demand notice, the Agency will seize their postal savings and bank deposits. It
is expected that the Agency will carry out the seizure next year.
添削
In response to sobering statistics that the payment
rate of the national pension premiums had hit an all-time low, the Social
Insurance Agency decided a now new policy on the
14th of this month. That is, the Agency would list about 10,000 evil delinquents
who had
not paid were never
going to pay the mandatory premiums for the national pension plan
even though they had enough property and income so that the Agency could collect
their overdue debts forcibly. The Agency will order all the Regional Social
Insurance Bureaus in Japan to draw up the list in September. If the delinquents
ignore the final demand notice, the Agency will seize their postal savings and
bank deposits. It is expected that the Agency will carry out the seizure next
year.
内容のすべてがわかります。
添削後の文章
In response to sobering statistics that the payment
rate of the national pension premiums had hit an all-time low, the Social Insurance
Agency decided a new policy on the 14th of this month. That is, the Agency
would list about 10,000 delinquents who had not paid the mandatory premiums for
the national pension plan even though they had enough property and income so
that the Agency could collect their overdue debts forcibly. The Agency will
order all the Regional Social Insurance Bureaus in Japan to draw up the list in
September. If the delinquents ignore the final demand notice, the Agency will
seize their postal savings and bank deposits. It is expected that the Agency
will carry out the seizure next year.
読者からの投稿 ５（mxtomi, 4 March 12）
"Compulsory Collection of National Pension
Premiums”
In the wake of record low collection rate of the
national pension premiums, the Social Insurance Agency has decided on August 14
to embark on compulsory collection of the premiums from about 10 thousand gross
delinquents who are not paying in spite of being able to. The agency is going
to instruct all its local offices to prepare the lists of deadbeats as early as
September. Should those on the blacklist ignore the final demand for payment,
the agency will immediately go through the procedure for garnishing their
liquid assets. The procedure including the garnishment will be enforced next year.
添削
"Compulsory Collection of National Pension
Premiums”
In the wake of record low collection rate of the
national pension premiums, the Social Insurance Agency has decided on August 14
to embark on compulsory collection of the premiums from about 10 thousand gross
delinquents who are not paying in spite of being able to. The agency is going
to instruct all its local offices to prepare the lists of deadbeats as early as
September. Should those on the blacklist ignore the final demand for payment,
the agency will immediately go through the procedure for garnishing their
liquid assets. The procedure including the garnishment will be enforced next
year.
コメント
内容の総てがわかります。添削箇所はありません。
読者からの投稿 ４（Lucca, 20 April 11）
National Pension Insurance is Collected by Force
The rate of national pension payment reached the
lowest record. Following this problem, the Social Insurance Agency announced
the plan to ensure full payment from people who haven't paid for the national
pension insurance intentionally although they have stable source of income and
their property.
This September, the Agency gives instruction to the
social insurance offices nationwide to make a list of ten thousand people who
haven't paid for the national pension insurance. Then each insurance office
urges the pension insurance payment to listed people. If some people still
refuse or ignore the payment until the last minute, the office informs their
bank and goes through procedure to attach their assets such as the deposit.
Their assets will be in foreclosure next year.
添削
National Pension Insurance Premiums1 are is
Collected by Force
The rate of people paying in the national pension premiums payment
has reached
the lowest record. To overcome Following this problem,
the Social Insurance Agency announced a the plan to ensure
full payment from people who haven't paid for the national
pension insurance
premiums intentionally although they
have stable sources of income and financial assets their property.
This September, the Agency will gives an instruction
to the social insurance offices nationwide to make a list of ten thousand
people who haven't paid for the national pension insurance premiums.
Then each insurance office will urges those on the list to pay2 their the
pension insurance
premiums payment to listed people.
If they some people
still refuse or ignore their payments until the last minute,
the office informs their banks and goes through the procedure to garnishee attach
their assets such as their deposits. This last procedure of garnisheeing Ttheir
assets will be put into practice in foreclosure next
year.
コメント
英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、The rate of national pension payment reached the
lowest record.とthe office informs their bank and goes
through procedure to attach their assets such as the deposit. Their assets will
be in foreclosure next year. のところがわかりません。
1. 保険料は一般的にa premiumといいます。
2. I urge you to take my advice.という形になります。
添削後の文章
National Pension Premiums are Collected by Force
The rate of people paying in the national pension
premiums has reached the lowest record. To overcome this problem, the Social
Insurance Agency announced a plan to ensure full payment from people who
haven't paid the national pension premiums intentionally although they have
stable sources of income and financial assets.
This September, the Agency will give an instruction to
the social insurance offices nationwide to make a list of ten thousand people
who haven't paid the national pension
premiums. Then each insurance office will urge those on the list to pay
their pension premiums. If they still refuse or ignore their payments, the
office informs their banks and goes through the procedure to garnishee their
assets such as their deposits. This last procedure of garnisheeing their assets
will be put into practice next year.
読者からの投稿 ３（さくら、27 September 07）
“Compulsory Collection of National Pension Premiums”
The Social Insurance Agency decided on 14th that it would
start to collect the national pension premiums compulsorily from about ten
thousand people who were listed as malicious cases because they had not paid
premiums even though they afforded to pay it. This year, the payment rate of
the national pension premiums has become the worst level in the past. In
September the agency is going to instruct to all its insurance offices across
the country to list up citizens who do not pay the premiums. The agency will
not hesitate to order for attachment of saving money of those who refuse to pay
premiums against the final calls. The implementation of the attachment will
start next year.
添削
“Compulsory Collection of National Pension Premiums”
The Social Insurance Agency has decided on the14th
that it would start to collect the national pension premiums compulsorily from
about ten thousand people who were listed as malicious cases because they had
not paid their
premiums even though they could afforded to pay it them.
This year, the payment collection rate of
the national pension premiums has become reached the worst
level in
the past. In September the aAgency is going to
instruct to
all its insurance offices across the country to list up citizens
who have do
not pay paid their
premiums. The aAgency will not
hesitate to garnishee
their order for attachment of savings money of those
who if they refuse to pay their premiums
after against
the final calls notices.
The implementation of this new policy the attachment will
start next year.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。attachmentに法律用語で「差し押さえ」という意味があるのを知りませんでした。もう少し一般的なgarnisheeを使いました。the payment rate of the national pension premiumsは文脈から「納付率」のことだろうと推測できますが、保険料の割合、というように解釈できるので紛らわしいです。
添削後の文章
“Compulsory Collection of National Pension Premiums”
The Social Insurance Agency has decided on the14th
that it would start to collect the national pension premiums compulsorily from
about ten thousand people who were listed as malicious cases because they had
not paid their premiums even though they could afford to pay them. This year,
the collection rate of the national pension premiums has reached the worst
level. In September the Agency is going to instruct all its insurance offices
across the country to list up citizens who have not paid their premiums. The
Agency will not hesitate to garnishee their savings if they refuse to pay their
premiums after the final notices. The implementation of this new policy will
start next year.
読者からの投稿 ２（Kalo, 17 June 07）
Compulsory Collection of National Pension Premiums
The Social Insurance Agency plans to enforce
compulsory collection from malicious delinquents in an effort to cope with the
record-high rate of unpaid national pension premiums. The agency will call on
local social insurance offices as early as September to list some 10,000
malicious delinquents who don't pay their national pension premiums although
they can afford to. The agency also plans to seize assets from delinquents on
the list who ignore the final notice of payment. But the plan is unlikely to
put into practice within this year.
添削
Compulsory Collection of National Pension Premiums
The Social Insurance Agency plans to enforce
compulsory collection of National Pension Plan premiums1 from on2 malicious
delinquents in an effort to cope with the record-high rate of unpaid national
pension premiums. The agency will call on local social insurance offices as
early as September3 to list some 10,000 malicious delinquents who
don't pay their national pension premiums although they can afford to and start
strongly urge them to pay their premiums. If the final
notice of payment is ignored4, Tthe agency also
plans to seize their assets from delinquents on
the list who ignore the final notice of payment. But this final
measure for collecting premiums the plan is unlikely
to put into practice within this year.
コメント
1. タイトルにNational Pension Plan premiumsと入っていますが、本文にも入れたほうがよいでしょう。
2. enforce compulsory collection of premiums on
delinquents, enforce compulsory payment of premiums from delinquents となります。collectionとpaymentと動作の主体が違いますね。
3. 問題に日付を正確に入れるのを忘れましたが、２００３年８月の新聞記事に基づいた問題でした。当時、国民年金保険料の未納問題が浮上して、有力閣僚まで保険料を払うのを忘れていた、ということでした。
4. 強制徴収がどのような手段をとるのか覚えていませんが、預貯金などの差し押さえが最後の手段だったと思います。seize their assetsとすると不動産の含めた差し押さえですが、預貯金の差し押さえならばseize their savingsになります。
添削後の文章
Compulsory Collection of National Pension Premiums
The Social Insurance Agency plans to enforce
compulsory collection of National Pension Plan premiums on malicious
delinquents in an effort to cope with the record-high rate of unpaid national
pension premiums. The agency will call on local social insurance offices as
early as September to list some 10,000 malicious delinquents who don't pay
their national pension premiums although they can afford to and start strongly
urge them to pay their premiums. If the final notice of payment is ignored, the
agency plans to seize their assets. But this final measure for collecting
premiums is unlikely to put into practice within this year.
読者からの投稿 １（TOMOKO, 4 Aug 03）
Forcibly Collecting “National Pension Premiums”
On August 14, 2003, the Social Insurance Agency
finalized a policy in which the agency will list approximately 10,000 vicious
people, who have failed to pay the national pension premiums although they have
incomes or property, and then collect the premiums forcibly from them as a
countermeasure against the worst nonpayment ratio. The agency is directing
social insurance offices throughout Japan to make up the lists as early as
September. If they continue ignoring even the final reminder, the agency
intends to seize their deposits and savings, or others. The seizure is expected
to be carried out next year.
添削
Forcibly Collecting “Compulsory Collection of1
“National
Pension Plan
Premiums”
On August 142, 2003, the Social Insurance
Agency finalized a new policy in which that3
the aAgency4
will would5 list
approximately 10,000 vicious people, who have had failed
to pay the national pension premiums
although they have had incomes
or and
property assets6,
and then
collect the premiums. forcibly from them The new
policy will be adopted7 as a countermeasure against the
worst non-payment
ratio that the Agency has
encountered. The aAgency is directing
social insurance offices throughout Japan to make up the a lists
as early as September. If they those on the list8 continue
ignoring
to ignore even the final
reminder, the aAgency intends to
seize their deposits and savings., or others9. But Tthe
seizure is expected to be carried out next year.
コメント
TOMOKOさんは日本文の内容を丁寧に英文で表現しています。投稿のままでも内容はよくわかります。添削は投稿をすこし読みやすくしました。
1. 動詞を使って見出しをつけるのはよいアイディアですが、Forcibly collecting…というのが少し語感が良くないように思えるので、クラシックにCompulsory Collection of National Pension
Premiumsとしました。
2. 日本文の「１４日までに」はよく考えると何を１４日までにするのか不明ですね。
3. That以下がこのあららしい方針の内容になります。
4. the agency でも良いですが、The Social Insurance Agency を略してthe
Agencyと表現する方法があります。The Social Insurance Agency (SCI)としてthe
SCI または単にSCIとする方法もあります。
5. 動詞の時制の一致の問題ですが、発表したのは過去でも実際に方針を実地するのは未来なのでwillとする使い方も現在ではありますが、ここでは時制の一致に従ってwouldにしました。Viciousは「乱暴で冷酷な」という意味合いが強く「ずるい」という感じから遠いので省きました。この文章な後半でどんな人たちか説明してあるので単にpeopleでよいと思います。
6. 収入と財産の財産は銀行貯金、郵便貯金などのことだとおもいますから、assetsのほうがよいとおもいます。Propertyは不動産の意味になります。
7. 文が長くなるのでここ切って新しい文にしました。
8. They の指す人たちと離れていることと、The Agencyで働く人たちもtheyですから、ここではthose (who are) on the
list と明確にしました。
9. 日本文では「預貯金などの」となっていて「その他」のものがあるような印象ですが、なんだかわからないので英文では省いてよいと思います。
添削後の文章
“Compulsory Collection of National Pension Premiums”
On August 14, 2003, the Social Insurance Agency
finalized a new policy that the Agency would list approximately 10,000 people
who had failed to pay the premium although they had income and assets and
collect the premium. The new policy will be adopted as a countermeasure against
the worst non-payment ratio that the Agency has encountered. The Agency is
directing social insurance offices throughout Japan to make up a list as early
as September. If those on the list continue to ignore the final reminder, the
Agency intends to seize their deposits and savings. But the seizure is expected
to be carried out next year.
香川県琴平町のタクシー会社が、うどんの有名店巡りを担当する専門ドライバーを独自に養成、８月１５日から「うどんタクシー」として営業する。観光客からの要望に応えたもので、景気の冷え込んでいる中、うどんブームが生んだ新たな需要に期待が高まっている。
読者からの投稿 ７（Suzume, 3 Oct 19）
Udon, thick Japanese noodles made of wheat flour, are
experiencing a boom all over the country. Trying to meet customer demand, a
taxi company in Kotobira Town, Kagawa Prefecture, will start a new service
called “Udon Taxi” on August 15 after training specialized drivers in-house who
will guide visitors to tour around famous udon restaurants. In this difficult
economic climate, hopes are rising that the udon boom will create new demand
and new business opportunities in the local economy.
添削
Udon, thick Japanese noodles made of wheat flour, are in experiencing
a boom now
all over the country. Trying to meet customer demand, a taxi
company in Kotohira Kotobira Town,
Kagawa Prefecture, will start a new service called “Udon Taxi” on August 15. The taxi
drivers, after receiving in-house training specialized drivers in-house
who, will guide
visitors to tour around famous udon restaurants. In this difficult economic
climate, hopes are rising that the udon boom will create new demand and new
business opportunities in the local economy.
コメント
内用の総てがわかります。
添削後の文章
Udon, thick Japanese noodles made of wheat flour, are in
a boom now all over the country. Trying to meet customer demand, a taxi company
in Kotohira Town, Kagawa Prefecture, will start a new service called “Udon
Taxi” on August 15. The taxi drivers, after receiving in-house training, will
guide visitors to tour around famous udon restaurants. In this difficult
economic climate, hopes are rising that the udon boom will create new demand
and new business opportunities in the local economy.
読者からの投稿 ６（mxtomi, 12 March 12）
"The Udon Taxi”
On August 15, a taxi company at Kotohira Town in
Kagawa Prefecture will launch a new service, called “udon taxi” whereby drivers
specially trained in-house take tourists to popular udon restaurants in the
town, concurrently servicing as tour guides. This is to accommodate increasing
requests from tourists. Amid the ongoing economic slump, the town of Kotohira,
and the taxi company as well are raising their expectations for the new
business opportunity created by the udon boom.
添削
"The Udon Taxi”
On August 15, a taxi company at in Kotohira
Town,
in
Kagawa Prefecture will launch a new service, called “udon taxi” whereby drivers
specially trained in-house take tourists to popular udon (Japanese noodle soup)1
restaurants in the town, concurrently servicing as tour guides.
This is to accommodate increasing requests from tourists, reflecting the current udon
boom. Amid the ongoing economic slump, the tTown
of Kotohira, and the taxi company as well
are raising their expectations for the new business opportunity created by the
udon boom.
コメント
内容の総てがわかります。
1. 私の町（人口110万）のスーパーにはいろいろインスタントラーメン（米国製、カナダ製、韓国製、日本製）があふれていますが、うどんは乾麺、冷凍麺、生麺がアジア製品のスーパーにおいてあるだけで、まだ日常食品として消費者に浸透していません。インスタントラーメンは一般的にはinstant noodle soupとよばれ、他のスープ類と同じところに置いてあります。スープとはいうものの野菜サラダの上に乾いたままのインスタントラーメンを手でほぐして混ぜる、という食べ方のあります。というわけで、北米ではudonはまだ広く認識された日本語ではないでしょう。
添削後の文章
"The Udon Taxi”
On August 15, a taxi company in Kotohira Town, Kagawa
Prefecture will launch a new service, called “udon taxi” whereby drivers
specially trained in-house take tourists to popular udon (Japanese noodle soup)
restaurants in the town, concurrently servicing as tour guides. This is to
accommodate increasing requests from tourists, reflecting the current udon
boom. Amid the ongoing economic slump, the Town of Kotohira and the taxi
company are raising their expectations for the new business opportunity created
by the udon boom.
読者からの投稿 ５（Lucca, 22 April 11）
The Udon Taxi
A taxi company in Kotohira Town in Kanagawa Prefecture
has trained its special drivers so that they can start a new service called
"Udon Taxies" from August 15. Udon taxies are that
the special trained drivers are in charge of making a tour of famous udon
noodle restaurants in Kotohira Town. The new service is to meet visitor's
request. The taxi company is expecting to create new demand by a recent udon boom
during the economy recession.
添削
The Udon Taxi
A taxi company in Kotohira Town in Kanagawa Prefecture
has trained its special 1 drivers so that
they can start a new service called "Udon Taxies" from on2 August
15. The
special drivers of Udon taxies3 are that the special trained
drivers are in charge of making taking customers to a
tour of famous udon noodle restaurants in Kotohira Town. The new service is to
meet requests
of visitor's to the town request.
The taxi company is expecting to create new demand for its services by the a
recent udon boom to fight during the current economy economic recession.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. trained its special driversとすると「会社の運転手の中の特別な人たちを訓練した」となります。trained special drivers for the Udon driversとすれば、「うどんタクシーのために特別な運転手を訓練した」となります。itsがあるかないかで意味が違ってきます。
2. start something on August 15となります。
3. 運転手を主語にすると文構造が簡単になります。
添削後の文章
The Udon Taxi
A taxi company in Kotohira Town in Kanagawa Prefecture
has trained its drivers so that they can start a new service called "Udon
Taxies" on August 15. The special drivers of Udon taxies are in charge of
taking customers to a tour of famous udon noodle restaurants in Kotohira Town.
The new service is to meet requests of visitors to the town. The taxi company
is expecting to create new demand for its services by the recent udon boom to
fight the current economic recession.
読者からの投稿 ４（Kalo, 21 December 10）
"Udon Taxi”
A taxi company in Kotohira-cho, Kagawa Prefecture, is
starting a new service called “Udon taxi”. Udon, a noodle soup, is a local
specialty in the prefecture and so far the company has hold training courses
for its drivers so that they can learn more about Udon. The drivers will serve
as a tour guide and introduce you to popular Udon restaurants in the town. This
service will start in response to tourist’s requests. Taking advantage of the
current Udon popularity, Udon taxi is expected to create a new demand for
tourists in the tough economic time.
添削
"Udon Taxies1”
A taxi company in Kotohira-cho, Kagawa Prefecture, is
starting a new service called “Udon taxi”. Udon, a noodle soup, is a local
specialty in the prefecture. and so far tThe
taxi company
has been
offering hold a training courses
for its drivers so that they can learn more about Udon. The drivers will serve
as a tour
guides
and introduce you to popular Udon restaurants in the town. This service will
start in response to tourist’s requests. Taking advantage of the current Udon
popularity, Udon taxies are is expected to create
a new demand for Udon2 in the tough
economic time.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. サービスはUdon service、このサービスを提供するタクシーは複数にしてUton taxiesがよいでしょう。
2. a new demand for Udon, a new supply of
touristsとなります。
添削後の文章
"Udon Taxies”
A taxi company in Kotohira-cho, Kagawa Prefecture, is
starting a new service called “Udon taxi”. Udon, a noodle soup, is a local
specialty in the prefecture. The taxi company has been offering a training
course for its drivers so that they can learn more about Udon. The drivers will
serve as tour guides and introduce you to popular Udon restaurants in the town.
This service will start in response to tourist’s requests. Taking advantage of
the current Udon popularity, Udon taxies are expected to create a new demand
for Udon in the tough economic time.
読者からの投稿 ４（P&C, 15 July 08）
"The Udon Noodles Taxi"
A taxi company at Kotohira Town in Kagawa Prefecture
has trained on its own special taxi drivers who can guide visitors to famous
shops of udon noodles. From August 15, the company starts the service "the
udon noodles taxi" in response to needs of visitors who want to eat
delicious udon noodles. Business has been poor at the carrier of taxi. The
company is going to ride on the rising wave of new demand for udon in the udon
noodles boom.
添削
"The Udon Noodles Taxi"
A taxi company at Kotohira Town in Kagawa Prefecture
has trained on
some of its
own
special
taxi drivers so that they who can guide
visitors to famous shops of udon noodles restaurants in
the town. On From August 15, the
company will
starts the this
service called
"the udon noodles taxi" in response to needs the requests of
visitors who want to eat delicious udon noodles. Because of the current economic
recession, Bbusiness has been
poor for at the carrier of taxi taxi services
in the town. The company is going to ride on the rising
wave of new
demand for udon in the current udon noodles
boom1.
コメント
内容の総てがわかります。
1. 「景気の冷え込んでいる中、うどんブームが生んだ新たな需要に期待が高まっている。」をP&Cさんは「タクシー業界の景気が冷え込んでいる」と解釈していますが、「地域経済全体が冷え込んでいるので、うどんブームを起爆剤にして町の景気を回復させたい。」という解釈もできます。
添削後の文章
A taxi company at Kotohira Town in Kagawa Prefecture
has trained some of its drivers so that they can guide visitors to famous udon
noodles restaurants in the town. On August 15, the company will start this
service called "the udon noodles taxi" in response to the requests of
visitors who want to eat delicious udon noodles. Because of the current
economic recession, business has been poor for taxi services in the town. The
company is going to ride on the wave of the current udon noodles boom.
読者からの投稿 ３（さくら、28 September 07）
“Taxi for a Famous Needle shops tour”
A taxi company in Kotohira Town in Kagawa Prefecture
will start a new business called “Taxi for a needle shops tour” on August 15th,
which taxi drivers guide the visitors to the famous needle shops. The taxi
company nurtures the drivers who are familiar with those needle shops. This
attempt is made to meet the requests from the visitors. With the recent economic
recession, the local people expect new business opportunities raised by a
needle boom.
添削
“Taxi for a Famous Needle Noodle shops Restaurant tTour”
A taxi company in Kotohira Town in Kagawa Prefecture
will start a new business called “Ttaxi for a needle noodle shops restaurant tour”
on August 15th, by which taxi drivers guide the visitors
to the famous
needle noodle
restaurants shops in the town. The
taxi company nurtures the drivers who are familiar with those needle noodle
restaurants shops. This attempt service is
made
to meet the requests from the visitors. In With
the current
recent1 economic recession,
the local
people expect
hope2 that the noodle boom creates new
business opportunities for the town raised by a needle boom.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかりますが、琴平町が針の生産で有名だとは知りませんでした。日本文の内容に合わせて添削しました。
1. この記事の時期にはまだ不況ですから、in the current economic recessionになります。