中級練習問題の添削 ６１-７０
中級問題 ６１ 「線路から消えた老女」(28 Aug 03) (13 Aug
07) (25 Aug 07) (26 Nov 08)
(4 Nov
10) (5 April 11) (16 Feb 12)
中級問題 ６２ 「町内を無線ＬＡＮで接続」(28 Aug 03) (21 Aug
07) (27 Aug 07)
(5 Nov
10) (8 April 11) (21 Feb 12)
中級問題 ６３ 「サーファーが海岸のごみ掃除」(28 Aug 03) (13
Feb 07) (29 Aug 07)
(7 Nov
10) (8 April 11) (22 Feb 12)
中級問題 ６４ 「図書館の日本の戦争コーナーを設置」(18 Sept 03)
(4 Dec 06) (7 Sept 07)
(1 Feb
09) (7 Nov 10) (12 April 11) (22 Feb 12)
中級問題 ６５ 「青色ダイオードの集魚灯」(9 Sept 03) (9
Sept 07) (5 Feb 09) (7 Nov 10)
(12
April 11) (27 Feb 12)
中級問題 ６６ 「屋上緑化の問題点」(15 Sept 03) (11 Sept
07) (6 Feb 09) (11 Nov 10)
(15
April 11) (27 Feb 12)
中級問題 ６６B 「廃棄炭鉱の火事」(12 Sept 07) (14 Feb 09) (14 Dec 10)
(15 April 11)
(29 Feb
12)
中級問題 ６７ 「浅間山の噴火」(23 Sept 03) (20 Sept
07) (21 Dec 10) (16 April 11)
(4 March 12)
中級問題 ６８ 「インターネットの架空請求」(15 Sept 03) (24
Sept 07) (31 Jan 10)
(19 Dec
10) (16 April 11) (4 March 12)
中級問題 ６９ 「国民年金保険料の強制徴収」(4 Sept 03) (17
June 07) (27 Sept 07)
(20
April 11) (4 March 12)
中級問題 ７０ 「うどんタクシー」(23 Sept 23) (24 Aug
07) (28 Sept 07) (15 July 08)
(21 Dec
10) (22 April 11) (12 March 12)
８月１２日午後１時４０分ごろ、東北線清水川－狩場沢間を走行していた回送列車（六両編成）の運転士が、前方の線路内にリュックサックを背負った老女がいるのに気付き、急ブレーキをかけて停止した。運転士は「接触したかもしれない」と感じ警察に連絡、救急車も手配したが、周辺をいくら捜しても、老女の姿はなく、車両にも接触した形跡はなかった。
読者からの投稿 ７（mxtomi, 16 February
12）
"Old Woman
Disappearing from Railway”
Around 1:40 on the
afternoon of August 12, the train driver of a six-car out-of-service train running
between Shimizukawa and Karibasawa on the Tohoku Line slammed on the brakes, as
he found an old woman wearing a backpack on the tracks ahead. Thinking that the
train might have hit her, the driver called the police and an ambulance.
Strangely, despite their thorough search of the area around, no trace of the
woman was found. There were no signs of physical contact on the train either.
添削
"An Old
Woman Disappearing from the Railway”
Around 1:40 on the
afternoon of August 12, the train driver of a six-car out-of-service train
running between Shimizukawa and Karibasawa on the Tohoku Line slammed on the
brakes,
as he found an old woman wearing a backpack on the railway tracks
ahead. Thinking that the train might have hit her, the driver called the police
and an ambulance. Strangely, despite their thorough search of the area around,
no trace of the woman was found. There were no signs of physical contact on the
train either.
コメント
内容の総てがわかります。わかりやすい物語の構成です。
添削後の文章
"An Old Woman
Disappear from the Railway”
Around 1:40 on the
afternoon of August 12, the train driver of a six-car out-of-service train
running between Shimizukawa and Karibasawa on the Tohoku Line slammed on the
brake, as he found an old woman wearing a backpack on the railway track ahead.
Thinking that the train might have hit her, the driver called the police and an
ambulance. Strangely, despite their thorough search of the area around, no
trace of the woman was found. There were no signs of physical contact on the
train either.
読者からの投稿 ６（Lucca, 5 April 11）
「An old woman disappeared from the track」
At 13:40 on August
12, While a train driver was operating a deadhead train (seven-car train)
between Kiyomizugawa and karibazaki on Tohoku line, the driver found an old woman
who shouldered her bag in front in the track and stopped the train in a hurry.
The driver called the police and an ambulance because the driver was feeling he
might give her injuries. But strangely the old woman was not there even though
the police and the driver looked for her around there. The train did not leave
any scars in this accident.
添削
「”An
old woman disappeared from the railway track”」1
At 13:40 on August
12, While a
train driver was operating a deadhead train (a seven-car train) between
Kiyomizugawa and kKaribazaki on the
Tohoku line.,
Suddenly2, the
driver found an old woman with who a shouldered her
bag on the
track in front in the track and stopped the
train in a hurry. The driver called the police and an ambulance because the he thought the
train hit her3 driver was feeling he might give
her injuries. But strangely the old woman was not found anywhere there even
though the police and the driver looked for her carefully around there.
The train did not have leave any dent either scars in this
accident.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. 英文には「～」という記号は無いので “ ~”とするか、またはAn Old Woman
Disappeared from the Railway Trackとします。
2. 前の文のwhileをとって独立の文にしたので、ここでは前の文とのつながりをつけるためにSuddenlyと文を始めました。
3. 日本語の表現に捕らわれずに、内容を簡単に表現するとよいでしょう。
添削後の文章
”An old woman disappeared
from the railway track”
At 13:40 on August
12, a train driver was operating a deadhead train (a seven-car train) between
Kiyomizugawa and Karibazaki on the Tohoku line. Suddenly, the driver found an
old woman with a shoulder bag on the track and stopped the train in a hurry.
The driver called the police and an ambulance because he thought the train hit
her. But strangely the old woman was not found anywhere though the police and
the driver looked for her carefully around. The train did not have any dent
either.
読者からの投稿 ５（Kalo, 4 November 10）
"An Old Woman
Disappeared from the Railroad Track”
Around at 1:40 p.m.
on August 12, a train made an emergency stop because the train driver found an old
lady with a backpack on her back on the railroad track. The six-car train was
out-of-service, running between Shimizugawa and Karibasawa on the Tohoku Line.
The train driver thought that the train might have hit the woman, so he called
the police and an ambulance. They searched for her around the railroad track
but couldn’t find out her. Also, there was even no trace of bump on the train.
添削
"An Old Woman
Disappeared from the Railroad Track”
Around at 1:40 p.m.
on August 12, a train made an emergency stop between Shimizugawa and Karibasawa
on the Tohoku Line because the train driver found an old lady with
a backpack on her back on the railroad track. The six-car train was
out-of-service at that time., running between
Shimizugawa and Karibasawa on the Tohoku Line. The train driver
thought that the train might have hit the woman, so he and
called the police and an ambulance. They searched for her around the railroad
track together1 but
couldn’t find her out her. Also, tThere
was even
no trace of bump on the train either.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. togetherを入れるとtheyが誰だかわかりやすくなります。
添削後の文章
"An Old Woman
Disappeared from the Railroad Track”
Around at 1:40 p.m.
on August 12, a train made an emergency stop between Shimizugawa and Karibasawa
on the Tohoku Line because the train driver found an old lady with a backpack
on her back on the railroad track. The six-car train was out-of-service at that
time.. The train driver thought that the train might have hit the woman and
called the police and an ambulance. They searched for her around the railroad
track together but couldn’t find her out. There was no trace of bump on the
train either.
読者からの投稿 ４（つぶあんこ、26
November 08）
An old woman who
disappears out of the railway track
Around 1:40 pm, on
August twelve, a railway driver found ahead an old woman carrying a rucksack on
her back on the railway track. So he suddenly stopped the off-duty train (the
six coach train) running between Kiyokawa River Station and Karibazawa Station
on the Tohoku line. The driver supposed that he might have hit the woman and
called the police and even an ambulance. But there was no trace of the woman
around there no matter how hard he tried to find. And even there was no scratch
on the train as well.
添削
An old woman who
disappears from
out of the railway track
Around 1:40 pm, on
August twelve twelfth ,
a railway train driver
found ahead
an old woman carrying a rucksack on her back on the railway track. So he suddenly
immediately
stopped his the off-duty train (the
six coach train) running between Kiyokawa River Station and Karibazawa Station
on the Tohoku line1. The driver supposed was afraid that
he might have hit the woman and called the police and even an ambulance. They searched
for the woman together. But there was no trace of the woman anywhere around there
no matter how hard they he tried to find her.
And even
there was no scratch on the train either as well.
コメント
内容の総てがわかります。
1. 日本文の最初の長い文の内容をどのように英文で整理したらよいか、が問題ですね。事件を時間を追って記述して、Around
1:40 pm on August 12, a train driver was running an off-duty train between
Kiyokawa River Station and Karibazawa Station on the Tohoku line. All of a
sudden, he saw an old woman with a rucksack on her back standing on the railway
track and immediately stopped the train. とするか、「つぶあんこ」さんのような順序にするか選択があります。状況を説明してから事件を記述するか、事件を最初に記述してから状況を説明するかです。どちらかわかりやすいかは、それぞれの状況によるでしょう。この例題ではどちらだと思いますか？
添削後の文章
An old woman
disappears from the railway track
Around 1:40 pm, on
August twelfth, a train driver found an old woman carrying a rucksack on her
back on the railway track. So he immediately stopped his off-duty train (the
six coach train) running between Kiyokawa River Station and Karibazawa Station
on the Tohoku line. The driver was afraid that he might have hit the woman and
called the police and even an ambulance. They searched for the woman together.
But there was no trace of the woman anywhere no matter how hard they tried to
find her. And there was no scratch on the train either.
読者からの投稿 ３（さくら、25 Aug 07）
“Old Woman Disappeared
from the Railroad”
Around 1:40 p.m. on
August 12, the driver of an off-duty train (with six carriages) running between Simizugawa and Karibazawa on
Tohoku Line noticed that there was an old woman carrying the rucksack on her
shoulders on the railroad ahead and immediately braked to let the train stop.
The driver thought “the train must have hit her” and reported to the police and
called an ambulance. They searched the area but found no trace of the woman.
They could not find any mark of bump on the train, either.
添削
“An Old
Woman Disappeared from the Railroad”
Around 1:40 p.m. on
August 12, the driver of an off-duty train (with six carriages) running between Simizugawa and Karibazawa on the Tohoku
Line noticed that there was an old woman carrying the a rucksack
on her shoulders on the railroad ahead and immediately braked to let
the train to
stop. The driver thought, “the train I2
must have hit her,” and reported called to
the police and called an ambulance. They searched the
area but found no trace of the woman. They could not find any mark of bump on
the train, either1.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。状況がよくわかる英文です。
こういう時はIを主語にして考えるとおもいます。確かにぶつかったのは列車ですが。
添削後の文章
“An Old Woman Disappeared
from the Railroad”
Around 1:40 p.m. on
August 12, the driver of an off-duty train (with six carriages) running between Simizugawa and Karibazawa on
the Tohoku Line noticed that there was an old woman carrying a rucksack on her
shoulders on the railroad ahead and immediately braked the train to stop. The driver thought,
“ I must have hit her,” and called the police and an ambulance. They searched
the area but found no trace of the woman. They could not find any mark of bump
on the train, either.
読者からの投稿 ２（あすか、13 August 07）
“An Old Woman
Disappeared from the Railway Track”
At 1:40 pm on
August 12, an out-of-service(six-car) train suddenly stopped between
Shimizugawa and Karibazawa on the Tohoku line because the train conductor found
an old woman with a backpack inside of the rail track ahead. As the conductor
thought that he might hit her, immediately he called the police and arranged for an ambulance. Strange
to say but no matter how much they searched for the old woman, they couldn't
find her. Even the train had no traces of accident.
添削
“An Old Woman
Disappeareds1
from the Railway Track”
At 1:40 pm on
August 12, an out-of-service (six-car) train suddenly stopped
between Shimizugawa and Karibazawa on the Tohoku line because the train conductor driver2 found
an old woman with a backpack inside of the rail track ahead.3 As tThe
conductor driver thought
that he might have hit her, and immediately
he called
the police and arranged for an
ambulance. Strange to say but no matter how much they searched for the old
woman
along the railway track, they couldn't find her. Even the train
had no traces of the accident.
コメント
1. 新聞の見出しは、過去の出来事でも現在形で表現することが多いです。現在形の方が一目見出しを見たときの印象が強いのでしょう。８月１２日といえばお盆に近いですね。
2. a driverが運転士、a conductorが車掌です。
3. 内容の順序を少し変えると次のようになります。At about
1:40 pm on August 12, an out-of-service train was running between Shimizugawa
and Karibazawa on the Tohoku line. All of a sudden, the driver of the train saw
an old women with a backpack on the train track ahead. He pulled the emergency
brake and stopped the train.とすると運転士が文章の主人公になるので、少し臨場感が増加するように思えますが、どうでしょうか。
添削後の文章
“An Old Woman
Disappears from the Railway Track”
At 1:40 pm on
August 12, an out-of-service (six-car) train suddenly stopped between
Shimizugawa and Karibazawa on the Tohoku line because the train driver found an
old woman with a backpack inside of the rail track ahead. The driver
thought that he might have hit her and immediately called the police and an
ambulance. Strange to say but no matter how much they searched for the old
woman along the railway track, they couldn't find her. Even the train had no
traces of the accident.
読者からの投稿 １（Momo, 28 Aug 03）
“An Old Woman
Disappears from the Railway Track”
At about 1:40 p.m.
on August 12 the motorman of an out-of-service train with six cars, which was
running between Shimizugawa and Karibazawa on the Tohoku line saw an old woman
with a knapsack in front of the train on the train track. The motorman pulled
an emergency brake and stopped the train. He felt that the train might hit her
and immediately called the police and asked for an ambulance. They searched for
the old woman everywhere around the train but could not find her. They could
not find any evidence indicating that the train had hit or run over the old
woman either.
添削
“An Old Woman
Disappears from the Railway Track”
At about 1:40 p.m.
on August 12, the motorman of an
out-of-service train with six cars which was running between Shimizugawa and Karibazawa on the Tohoku
line1. The motorman of the train saw
an old woman with a knapsack in front of the train on the train
track
ahead. The motorman pulled an the emergency
brake and stopped the train. He felt was afraid2 that
the train might have hit her and immediately called
the police and asked for an ambulance. They searched
for the old woman everywhere around the train but could not find her. They also checked
the train carefully but3 could not find any
evidence
dent or mark4 that could
indicate indicating that the train had hit or
run over the old woman either.
コメント
1. 怪談のような話ですので物語のように順序良く英文で表現すれば面白くなります。日本文の最初の文は長いので英文では短い文に分解するとよいでしょう。
2. 「運転士は接触したかもしれないと感じ」の「感じ」は運転士が列車が老女と接触したショックを本当に感じたのかもしれませんが、ここでは｢思った｣にしました。ショックを感じたのならば、He
thought that he felt a faint shock of hitting the old woman and immediately
called the police and an ambulance.と表現しても良いでしょう。
3. 日本文には省略されている部分を入れて説明的にしました。
4. 添削のように具体的にすると良いと思います。
添削後の文章
“An Old Woman
Disappears from the Railway Track”
At about 1:40 p.m.
on August 12, an out-of-service train with six cars was running between
Shimizugawa and Karibazawa on the Tohoku line. The motorman of the train saw an
old woman with a knapsack on the train track ahead. The motorman pulled the
emergency brake and stopped the train. He was afraid that the train might have
hit her and immediately called the police and an ambulance. They searched for
the old woman everywhere around the train but could not find her. They also
checked the train carefully but could not find any dent or mark that could
indicate that the train had hit or run over the old woman.
岐阜県岩村町では全国の自治体で初めての試みの町内すべてで使用可能な無線ＬＡＮシステムの敷設を行う。町役場など公共施設を拠点に約四十の基地局を設置。総延長約二十五キロの光ファイバーで基地局を結び、基地局から無線で端末に情報を送る。約３６平方キロメートルの町内のほぼ全域を、無線ＬＡＮでカバーすることになる。
町内のどこからでもインターネットに接続できるほか、無線で情報をやりとりできるため、携帯電話でテレビのビデオ録画や、ドアの開閉といった情報家電の実用化が可能になる。
読者からの投稿 ６（mxtomi, 21 February
12）
"Making a
Whole Town Ubiquitous Computing”
The Town of Iwamura
in Gifu Prefecture is going to build a wireless LAN accessible from anywhere in
the town, making it the first municipality in Japan to have such a fantastic IT
infrastructure installed. The town will set up about 40 base stations at public
facilities like its town office and connect these stations to each other with
25 kilometer optical fiber cables to enable base stations to transmit wireless
information to terminals or end-users’ equipment in the town. The network
essentially covers the whole of 36 square kilometers town thus allowing its
residents to access the Internet from anywhere in the town. This ubiquitous
communication environment also allows them to put intelligent home appliances
into practical use. They will soon be able to use their cell phones for
transmitting signals to home appliances and to open/close doors and/or to start
recording TV programs on a VCR.
添削
"Making a
Whole Town Connected by Wireless Communications Ubiquitous
Computing”
The Town of Iwamura
in Gifu Prefecture is going to build a wireless LAN accessible from anywhere in
the town, making it the first municipality in Japan to have such a fantastic IT
infrastructure installed. The town will set up about 40 base stations at public
facilities like its town office and connect these stations to each other with
25 kilometer optical fiber cables to enable base stations to transmit wireless
information to terminals or end-users’ equipment in the town. The network
essentially covers the whole of 36 square kilometers town thus allowing its
residents to access the Internet from anywhere in the town. This ubiquitous
communication environment also allows them to put intelligent home appliances
into practical use. They will soon be able to use their cell phones for transmitting
signals to home appliances and to open/close doors and/or to start recording TV
programs on a VCR.
コメント
題名が不明確ですが、本文の内容は総てわかります。
添削後の文章
"Making a
Whole Town Connected by Wireless Communications ”
The Town of Iwamura
in Gifu Prefecture is going to build a wireless LAN accessible from anywhere in
the town, making it the first municipality in Japan to have such a fantastic IT
infrastructure installed. The town will set up about 40 base stations at public
facilities like its town office and connect these stations to each other with
25 kilometer optical fiber cables to enable base stations to transmit wireless
information to terminals or end-users’ equipment in the town. The network
essentially covers the whole of 36 square kilometers town thus allowing its
residents to access the Internet from anywhere in the town. This ubiquitous
communication environment also allows them to put intelligent home appliances
into practical use. They will soon be able to use their cell phones for
transmitting signals to home appliances and to open/close doors and/or to start
recording TV programs on a VCR.
読者からの投稿 ５（Lucca, 8 April 11）
Connecting Wireless
LAN in the Town
Iwamura town's
government in Gifu prefecture has decided to connect usable wireless LAN from
everywhere in the town. It is the first time for local governments across the
nation to try.
The plan for
wireless LAN is that forty base-stations are set in public places such as the town
office first. These stations are joined together by optical fiber that the
total extension becomes about twenty-five kilometer. Then the base-stations can
send information to all houses in the town by wireless LAN.
Wireless LAN can be
covered all over the town that is about thirty-six square kilometers in size.
Residents are able to connect Internet not only from everywhere in the town,
but also home information appliances such as video recording and opening and
closing door are possible through wireless LAN to use their cell phones.
添削
Connecting All Residents in
the Town by a Wireless LAN in the Town
The Town of Iwamura1
town's
government in Gifu pPrefecture has
decided to make
connect usable a wireless LAN accessible from
everywhere
anywhere in the town. It is the first
time for a
local governments in Japan across the
nation to set up such a wireless LAN try.
The plan for wireless LAN
is that forty base-stations are set up at in public places such
as the town office first. These stations are joined together by an optical
fiber network
that is the total extension becomes
about twenty-five kilometers in total. Then the base-stations can
send information to all houses in the town by a wireless LAN.
The Wwireless
LAN can be
covered the whole all over the
town that is about thirty-six square kilometers in size. Residents are not only able
to connect to
the Internet not only from anywhere everywhere
in the town,
but also can
remotely control home information appliances such as a video
recordinger
and can opening
and closinge
doors
are
possible through wireless LAN to use by their cell
phones.
コメント
読みにくいところがありますが、英文の内容のほぼすべてがわかります。
1. 「岩村町(町役場)」は正式にはthe
Government of the Town of Iwamuraですが、the Town of Imamuraだけでもこの意味になります。岐阜県庁はGifu Prefectureまたはthe Prefecture of Gufuになります。
添削後の文章
Connecting All
Residents in the Town by a Wireless LAN
The Town of Iwamura
in Gifu Prefecture has decided to make a wireless LAN accessible from anywhere
in the town. It is the first time for a local government in Japan to set up
such a wireless LAN .
The plan is that
forty base-stations are set up at public places such as the town office first.
These stations are joined together by an optical fiber network that is about
twenty-five kilometers in total. Then the base-stations can send information to
all houses in the town by a wireless LAN.
The wireless LAN
can cover the whole town that is about thirty-six square kilometers in size. Residents
are not only able to connect to the Internet from anywhere in the town but also
can remotely control home appliances such as a video recorder and can open and
close doors by their cell phones.
読者からの投稿 ４（Kalo, 5 November 10）
"A town will
be Connected with a Wireless LAN System”
Iwamura Town in
Gifu Prefecture will be the first local government in Japan to install a
wireless LAN system that can be used everywhere in the town. The town will set
up about 40 base stations at public facilities such as the town hall and
connect the stations with optical fiber cables with a total of 25 kilometers
long. These base stations will cover almost all the areas of the town and send
information to a device at home and office that is equipped with wireless communication.
This LAN system
enables residents to have access to the Internet all over the town and control
home information appliances with a cell phone, such as opening and closing a
door and set timer to record a TV program.
添削
"A tTown
will be Connected
Covered by1 with
a Wireless LAN System”
Iwamura Town in
Gifu Prefecture will be the first local government in Japan to install a
wireless LAN system that can be used everywhere anywhere in the town.
The town will set up about 40 base stations at public facilities such as the
town hall and connect the stations with optical fiber cables with a total of 25
kilometers long. These base stations will cover almost all the areas of the
town by a
wireless LAN and send information to a device at home and office
that is equipped with a wireless communication receiver.
This LAN system
enables residents to have access to the Internet all from anywhere in
over the town and even control home information
appliances from
with a cell phone, such as opening and
closing a doors
and set a timer
to record a TV program.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. インターネットに接続できる町はいっぱんあるので、ここでは町全体がワイヤーレスでカバーされている、という題名がよいでしょう。
添削後の文章
"A Town will
be Covered by a Wireless LAN System”
Iwamura Town in Gifu
Prefecture will be the first local government in Japan to install a wireless
LAN system that can be used anywhere in the town. The town will set up about 40
base stations at public facilities such as the town hall and connect the
stations with optical fiber cables with a total of 25 kilometers long. These
base stations will cover almost all the areas of the town by a wireless LAN and
send information to a device at home and office that is equipped with a
wireless communication receiver.
This LAN system
enables residents to have access to the Internet from anywhere in the town and
even control home appliances from a cell phone, opening and closing doors and
set a timer to record a TV program.
読者からの投稿 ３（さくら、27 Aug 07）
“Wireless LAN
Service Starts in the Town”
The Iwamura Town in
Gifu Prefecture plans to start wireless LAN service which is available from any
place in the town. This service is the first attempt among the local
municipalities in Japan. They will build about forty basic stations mainly in
the public facilities like the town hall and connect every station with totally
25 kilometers optical fiber and send information from the stations to the
terminals. The wireless LAN service is going to cover almost all area of the
town, so it will enable to access the Internet from anywhere in the town. It
will also realize to control intelligent appliances by sending a command to a
video recorder to record TV program on the tape or to lock or unlock the house
door through cell phones.
添削
“Wireless LAN Service
Starts in the Town”
The Iwamura Town in
Gifu Prefecture plans to start a wireless LAN service which will be is
available from any place in the town. This service is will be the
first attempt among the local municipalities in Japan.
They will build about forty basic base stations mainly
in the public facilities like the town hall and connect every all stations
with totally
25 kilometers
optical fiber cables and send information from the
stations to the wireless
terminals such
as cellular phones and laptop computers1. The wireless
LAN service is going to cover almost all the whole area of the
town so
that, so it will enable2 people in the
town to access the Internet from anywhere in the town. It The wireless
service will also make it possible for people realize to
control intelligent appliances at their home.3 For example,
they can sendby sending a command from a cellular
phone to a video recorder to record a TV
program on
the video recorder on the tape or to lock or and unlock
the house door through cell phones.
コメント
英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、（１）、（２）、（３）のところがよくわかりません。（１）はthe terminalsが携帯電話やワイヤーレス通信の可能なラップトップのようなものだろうと推測できますが、the
terminalsとあるので町が用意した特別な送受信機なのかな、ともおもいます。（２）enable
what/who?という疑問がでてきます。（３）はintelligent
appliancesとa video
recorder, the house doorの関係がはっきりしません。
1. 具体的に説明するとよいでしょう。
2. enable A
to do Bという形になります。
3. ここで一度文を終わりにして、For exampleと例を挙げるとわかりやすくなります。
添削後の文章
Iwamura Town in
Gifu Prefecture plans to start a wireless LAN service which will be available from any place in the town.
This service will be the first attempt among local municipalities in Japan.
They will build about forty base stations mainly in the public facilities like
the town hall and connect all stations with 25 kilometer optical fiber cables
and send information from the stations to wireless terminals such as cellular
phones and laptop computers. The wireless LAN service is going to cover almost
the whole area of the town so that it will enable people in the town to access
the Internet from anywhere in the town. The wireless service will also make it
possible for people to control intelligent appliances at their home. For
example, they can send a command from a cellular phone to record a TV program
on the video recorder or to lock and unlock the house door.
読者からの投稿 ２（あすか、21 August 07）
“Whole Town With a
Wireless LAN System”
The Iwamura town in
Gifu Prefecture first will introduced a wireless LAN system to all residents in
the community by the local Japanese government. The wireless LAN system will
set up about 40 hubs at public facilities in the town such as town hall and
connect those hubs with 25-kilometer long optical fibber cables will send
information to the communication terminal. As the most of the town will be
covered within a range of 36 square kilometers by using this system, the
residents can connect to the Internet from anywhere in the town. Besides, it
can be possible to operate electronic devices at home such as opening and
shutting a door and setting up a TV program on a video recorder by using only a
cellular phone with wireless LAN system.
添削
“A Whole
Town Is Connected
through With a Wireless LAN System”
The Town of Iwamura
town in
Gifu Prefecture will be the first to will
introduced a wireless LAN system to all residents in the community by among the
local Japanese
governments in Japan1.
The wireless LAN system will set up about 40 hubs at public facilities in the
town such as the town hall and connect those hubs
with 25-kilometer long optical fibber cables. The hubs will send
information to wireless the communication
terminals
held by people in the town2. As the most of the town’s 36 square
kilometers will be covered within a range of 36 square
kilometers by using this system, the residents can
connect to the Internet from anywhere in the town. Besides, the residents3 it
can use
their wireless terminals be possible to operate electronic
devices at home in such a way as opening and
shutting a door and setting up a TV program on a video recorder by using only a
cellular phone with wireless LAN system.
コメント
1. 英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、（１）、（２）の大事なところがよくわかりません。The
Iwamura town in Gifu Prefecture first will introduced a wireless LAN system to all
residents in the community by the local Japanese government.は「岩村町は先ず最初に日本政府によって無線LANを導入するでしょう。」となり日本文の内容を脇に置けば、この内容でもよいですが、では次に何をするのか？という疑問が出ます。
2. ここではハブとワイヤレスターミナルとの関係がはっきりしません。
3. ここはthe residentsを主語にすると内容がわかりやすくなります。添削のようにハブについては新しい文で記述するとよいでしょう。
添削後の文章
“A Whole Town Is
Connected through a Wireless LAN System”
The Town of Iwamura
in Gifu Prefecture will be the first to introduced a wireless LAN system to all
residents in the community among local governments in Japan. The wireless LAN system
will set up about 40 hubs at public facilities in the town such as the town
hall and connect those hubs with 25-kilometer long optical fibber cables. The
hubs will send information to wireless terminals held by people in the town. As
most of the town’s 36 square kilometers will be covered by this system, the
residents can connect to the Internet from anywhere in the town. Besides, the
residents can use their wireless terminals to operate electronic devices at
home in such a way as opening and shutting a door and setting up a TV program
on a video recorder.
読者からの投稿 １（Katie, 28 Aug 03）
“Connecting a Whole
Town by a Wireless LAN System”
The Town of Iwamura
in Gifu Prefecture is planning to install a wireless LAN communication system
in the town for the first time as a local government in Japan that will make a
wireless LAN system available to all residents in the community. The wireless
LAN system will set up about 40 hubs in the town at various public facilities
such as the town hall and connect those hubs with 25 kilometer long optical
fiber cables. Those hubs will transmit information to any communication
terminal within a range of 36 square kilometers and will be able cover almost
the whole town.
Town residents can
access to the Internet from anywhere in the town. It will enable the residents
to use a cellular phone to send a signal to operate electronic devices at home
such as opening and closing electronically operated doors and starting
recording a TV program on video recorders.
添削
“Connecting a Whole
Town by With a
Wireless LAN System”
The Town of Iwamura
in Gifu Prefecture is planning to install a wireless LAN communication system
in the town. The town will be1 for the
first time
as a local government in Japan that will make a wireless LAN system
available to all residents in the community. The wireless LAN2
system will set up about 40 hubs in the town at various public facilities such
as the town hall and connect those hubs with 25- kilometer
long optical fiber cables. Those The hubs2
will transmit information to any communication terminal within a range of 36
square kilometers and will be able cover almost the whole town.
By using this system3, Ttown
residents can access to the Internet from anywhere in the
town. It
will enable the residents to They can4
use a cellular phone to send a signal to operate electronic devices at home
such as opening and closing electronically operated doors and to5 starting
recording a TV program on a video recorders.
コメント
1. Katieさんは日本文の内容をよく整理してから英文にしています。ここは二つの文に分けて表現してほうが読みやすくなります。
2. 英文の主語をThe wireless LAN
systemとThe hubsにすることによって文章の中に新しい言葉が順序良く出てくるようになり、内容が伝わりやすくなっています。
3. 前の段落と関連を持たせるようにBy using this
systemを入れました。
4. 添削のようにすると簡単になりまた前の文とのつながり(主語が同じ)がよくなります。
5. To send a
signal to operate A and to start Bという並列構造にしました。
添削後の文章
“Connecting a Whole
Town With a Wireless LAN System”
The Town of Iwamura
in Gifu Prefecture is planning to install a wireless LAN communication system
in the town. The town will be the first local government in Japan that will
make a wireless LAN system available to all residents in the community. The
wireless LAN system will set up about 40 hubs in the town at various public
facilities such as the town hall and connect those hubs with 25-kilometer long
optical fiber cables. The hubs will transmit information to any communication
terminal within a range of 36 square kilometers and will be able cover almost
the whole town.
By using this
system, town residents can access the Internet from anywhere in the town. They
can use a cellular phone to send a signal to operate electronic devices at home
such as opening and closing electronically operated doors and to start
recording a TV program on a video recorder.
徳島県生見海岸は国内有数のサーフポイントとして知られているが、台風１０号の影響で流木や電化製品などの大量のごみが漂着した。これをインターネットで知った全国のサーファーが８月１２日に海岸に集まり「ホームグラウンドの危機を救おう」と一斉清掃を始めた。
読者からの投稿 ６（mxtomi, 22 February 12）
"Surfers
Cleaning Up the Beach”
Typhoon #10 left
tons of debris including driftwood and scrap electronics at Ikumi Beach in
Tokushima Prefecture known as one of the nation's best surfing spots. Having
learned this through the Internet, a number of surfers came to the beach from
across the country on August 12 and started cleaning the beach all together in
a bid to save their home turf from the predicament.
添削
"Surfers
Cleaning Up the Beach”
Typhoon Number #10
left tons of debris such as including driftwood
and scrap electronics at Ikumi Beach in Tokushima Prefecture, which1 was
known as one of the nation's best surfing spots. Having learned this through
the Internet, a number of surfers came to the beach from across the country on
August 12 and started cleaning the beach all together in a
bid to save their home turf from the predicament.
コメント
内容の総てがわかります。
1. ここで一息入れたほうが後半の内容が強調できます。
添削後の文章
"Surfers
Cleaning Up the Beach”
Typhoon Number 10
left tons of debris such as driftwood and scrap electronics at Ikumi Beach in
Tokushima Prefecture, which was known as one of the nation's best surfing
spots. Having learned this through the Internet, a number of surfers came to
the beach from across the country on August 12 and started cleaning the beach
in a bid to save their home turf from the predicament.
読者からの投稿 ５（Lucca, 8 April 11）
Surfers Pick up
Coastal Wastes on the Beach.
Ikumi beach in
Tokushima prefecture is famous for good surfing place in Japan. Due to typhoon No.10, a lot of wastes
such as driftwood and electric appliances drifted on the beach.
On April 12, Surfers
who knew this happening through Internet gathered from all over the country to
the beach and started cleaning for help their home ground's crisis.
添削
Surfers Pick up Coastal Wastes
on the Beach.
Ikumi bBeach
in Tokushima pPrefecture is famous for
good surfing place in Japan. Due to tTyphoon No.10, a lot
of wastes such as driftwood and electric appliances were washed up drifted
on the beach.
On April 12, Ssurfers
who found knew
this happening on the through Internet came to the
beach gathered from all over the country1
to the
beach to clean up the beach and save and started
cleaning for help their surfing home ground's crisis.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. gathered
at the beach from all over the countryという表現でもよいです。先ずはどこに集まったか、来たか、と場所を示します。
添削後の文章
Surfers Pick up
Wastes on the Beach
Ikumi Beach in
Tokushima Prefecture is famous for good surfing in Japan. Due to Typhoon No.10,
a lot of wastes such as driftwood and electric appliances were washed up on the
beach.
On April 12,
surfers who found this happening on the Internet came to the beach from all
over the country to clean up the beach and save their surfing home ground.
読者からの投稿 ４（Kalo, 7 November 10）
"Surfers
Helped Clean the Beach”
Ikumi Beach, one of
the most popular surfing spots in Japan, was littered with a huge amount of
debris including driftwoods and home appliances because Typhoon No.10 had
passed by.
On August 12, a lot
of surfers who found the news on the Internet came to the beach and helped
clean the beach. They said that they gathered to save their home beach.
添削
"Surfers
Helped Clean the Beach”
Ikumi Beach, one of
the most popular surfing spots in Japan, was littered with a huge amount of
debris including driftwoods and home appliances because washed up by Typhoon No.10 had passed by the area.
On August 12, a lot
of surfers who found the news on the Internet came to the beach and helped
clean the beach. They said that they gathered to save their home beach.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
添削後の文章
"Surfers
Helped Clean the Beach”
Ikumi Beach, one of
the most popular surfing spots in Japan, was littered with a huge amount of
debris including driftwoods and home appliances washed up by Typhoon No.10 had passed by the area.
On August 12, a lot
of surfers who found the news on the Internet came to the beach and helped
clean the beach. They said that they gathered to save their home beach.
読者からの投稿 ３（さくら、29 August 07）
“Surfers Cleaned
Ikumi Beach”
Ikumi Beach in Tokushima
Prefecture is famous as a good surfing point in Japan. But a massive wreckage
including driftwood and appliances arrived there after the typhoon No.10 coming. Surfers who had known
this news through the Internet came to the beach from all over the county on
August 21st and started cleaning the beach under the slogan of “Let’s save our
home beach”.
添削
“Surfers Cleaned2
Ikumi Beach”
Ikumi Beach in
Tokushima Prefecture is famous as for its a
good surfing point in Japan. But a massive amount of wreckage garbage including
driftwoods
and appliances arrived there after the tTyphoonNo.10 coming came.
Surfers found
who had known3 this news
through the Internet and came to the beach from all over
the county on August 21st. They
and started
cleaning the beach under the slogan ,of “Let’s save our
home beach”.1
コメント
1. 英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかります。
2. 記事の見出しには過去の出来事も現在形で表現することが多いです。「サーハーが海岸を掃除する」という事実を記述するだけにするためでしょう。現在形のほうが余計な情報（いつの出来事かなど）が入らないのでパット理解できるからでしょう。
3. 時間の順序としては、ニュースを知った人の何人かがビーチに来たので、ニュースを知ることが先になりますが、they
found the news and came to the beach.というよう起こった順序に共に過去形で表現します。
添削後の文章
“Surfers Clean2
Ikumi Beach”
Ikumi Beach in
Tokushima Prefecture is famous for its good surfing . But a massive amount of
garbage including driftwoods and appliances arrived there after TyphoonNo.10
came. Surfers found this news through the Internet and came to the beach from
all over the county on August 21st. They started cleaning the beach
under the slogan ,“Let’s save our home beach”.
読者からの投稿 ２（あすか、13 Feb 07）
“Surfers Clean Up
Beach Garbage”
Ikumi beach in
Tokushima prefecture is known for the one of the most popular surf spots in
Japan. However, a lot of garbage was strewn with the beach such as driftwoods,
electric appriences because of Typhoon No.10. Through the Internet, surfers all
over Japan who knew about the garbage of Ikumi beach, took action to save their
favorite spot. On August 12, they came all together and cleaned up.
添削
“Surfers Clean Up
Beach
Garbage1”
Ikumi bBeach
in Tokushima pPrefecture is known for as2 the
one of the most popular surfing spots in Japan. However Recently3,
Typhoon
No. 10 washed up a lot of garbage was strewn with4 on
the beach such as driftwoods,and electric appriences appliances because of
Typhoon No.10. Through the Internet, surfers all over Japan who knew found
about the garbage of on Ikumi bBeach, and5 took
action to save their favorite spot. On August 12, they came all together and
cleaned up
the beach.
コメント
1. I
cleaned the wound of dirt. 傷口から汚れを〈取って〉きれいにした、という用法ですから、ここではSurfers clean up
beach of garbage.となります。または、Surfers
clean up beach.だけで、サーファーが海岸を掃除する、の意味になります。
2. He is
well known for his accomplishment in literature. 彼は文学の業績でよく知られている。He is well known as one of the most popular
novelists in Japan. 彼は日本でとても人気の高い小説家としてよく知られている。というように前置詞、forとasで意味が違ってきます。
3. 最初の文の内容と次の文の内容はhoweverではつながりません。
4. The
beach got strewn with garbage. A lot of garbage was strewn on the beach. The
typhoon strew garbage on the beach.という用法になります。ここでは台風がゴミを海岸に打ち寄せた、としました。
5. 出来事の順序を時間を追って記述しandでつないだほうがわかりやすいでしょう。
添削後の文章
“Surfers Clean Up
Beach1”
Ikumi Beach in
Tokushima Prefecture is known as one of the most popular surfing spots in
Japan. Recently, Typhoon No.10 washed up a lot of garbage on the beach such as
driftwood and electric appliances. Through the Internet, surfers all over Japan
found about the garbage on Ikumi Beach and took action to save their favorite
spot. On August 12, they came together and cleaned up the beach.
読者からの投稿 １（オカヤ、28 Aug 03）
“Surfers Clean Up a
Beach”
Typhoon Number 10
left Ikumi Beach in Tokushima Prefecture, one of the best place for surfing in
Japan, strewn with debris such as driftwood and abandoned electronic
appliances. On August 12, many surfers from all over Japan came to the beach to
clean the beach and save their favorite surfing spot. They found that the beach
was in a mess through information posted on the Internet.
添削
“Surfers Clean Up a the Beach”
Typhoon Number 101
left Ikumi Beach in Tokushima Prefecture, one of the best places
for surfing in Japan, strewn with debris such as driftwood and abandoned
electronic appliances. On August 12, many surfers from all over Japan came to
the beach to clean the beach and save their favorite
surfing spot2. They found out that the beach was in a
mess3 through information posted on the Internet.
コメント
オカヤさんは日本文の内容を整理して、英文で再構築しています。日本文では文の内容の連関に修飾節や助詞を良く使います。「これをインターネットで知った全国のサーファーが」と「徳島県生見海岸は国内有数のサーフポイントとして知られているが」がこの例です。このような日本文の内容を英文で表現するときには小文に分解して、小文を順序良く並べることで文章の統一性が保てます。
1. 台風１０号を主語にすることで文が簡潔になっています。
2. 「ホームグラウンドの危機を救おう」は日本文では内容の強調になっています。英文では”Let’s
save our favorite surfing spot from the crisis.”のような直接引用文を入れると文章の中でここだけが浮き上がってしまうのでオカヤさんのように間接引用句がよいと思います。
3. The room
was a mess. Children left the dining room in a mess.のようにどちらのいいかたもあります。ここはthe beachが主語なのでその状態を表すためにthe beach was a
mess.というように使います。
添削後の文章
“Surfers Clean Up
the Beach”
Typhoon Number 10
left Ikumi Beach in Tokushima Prefecture, one of the best places for surfing in
Japan, strewn with debris such as driftwood and abandoned electronic
appliances. On August 12, many surfers from all over Japan came to the beach to
clean and save their favorite surfing spot. They found out that the beach was a
mess through information posted on the Internet.
徳島市立図書館の「こどもしつ」の片隅にある「日本の戦争」コーナーが、根強い人気を集めている。戦争関連の児童書を一カ所に集めて常設展示しているのは、県内でも同図書館だけ。十五日の「終戦の日」が近いこの時期、コーナー前には連日、夏休み中の子供たちの姿がある。
読者からの投稿 ７（mxtomi, 22 February
12）
"Regular Exhibit
of War-related Books at Tokushima City Library”
"The Japan’s
War” section at a corner of the children room in the Tokushima City Library has
been attracting many visitors as the only library in Tokushima Prefecture
housing the regular exhibit of war-related books for children. As August 15,
the day World War II ended nears, “the Japan’s War” section is crowded with
lots of school children on
添削
"Regular
Exhibit of War-related Books for Children at Tokushima City
Library”
"The Japan’s
War” section at a corner of the children’s room in the
Tokushima City Library has been attracting many children visitors
as the only library in Tokushima Prefecture housing the regular exhibit of
war-related books for children. As August 15, the day World War II ended is coming
closer nears, “the Japan’s War” section is
crowded with lots of school children on the summer break
every day.
コメント
内容のすべてがわかります。
添削後の文章
"Regular
Exhibit of War-related Books for Children at Tokushima City Library”
"The Japan’s
War” section at a corner of the children’s room in the Tokushima City Library
has been attracting many children as the only library in Tokushima Prefecture
housing the regular exhibit of war-related books for children. As August 15,
the day World War II ended is coming closer, “the Japan’s War” section is
crowded with lots of school children on the summer break every day.
読者からの投稿 ６（Lucca, 12 April 11）
"Children's
books about Japan's war in the library"
"Japan's war
corner "which has war related books for children at children room in
Tokushima City Library is very popular among children. Only this library sets
it up in Tokushima prefecture. As
August 15 which is the day of the end of the World War II is coming soon,
children are gathering to the corner every day and read the books.
添削
"Children's
books Corner
about Japan's wars in the Tokushima City1 Library"
"The Japan's
war corner "which has children’s books war related to Japan’s wars2 books
for
children at in the
children room in the Tokushima City Library is very
popular among children. Only this library sets it up such a corner
in Tokushima pPrefecture. As August
15 which is the day of the end of the World War II is coming soon, children are
gathering at
to the corner every day and read the
books.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. 徳島市立図書館と名前を題名に入れると具体的になります。
2. children’s
booksのほうがbooks
for childrenより「子供向けの本」ということがはっきりします。
添削後の文章
"Children's
books Corner about Japan's wars in the Tokushima City Library"
"The Japan's war
corner "which has children’s books related to Japan’s wars in the children
room in the Tokushima City Library is very popular among children. Only this
library sets up such a corner in
Tokushima Prefecture. As August 15 which is the day of the end of the World War
II is coming soon, children are gathering at the corner every day and read the
books.
読者からの投稿 ５（Kalo, 7 November 10）
At the Tokushima
City Library, a book corner titled “War of Japan” has remained quite popular.
The corner in the children’s book room displays war-related books for children
to read. The Tokushima City Library is the only library in Tokushima Prefecture
that displays such books throughout the year. Now, a lot of children are coming
to the book corner when August 15, the anniversary of World War II, comes near.
添削
A Special Display of Boos on War
for Children at the Tokushima City Library
At the Tokushima
City Library, a book corner titled named “War of Japan” is1 has remained
quite popular. The corner in the children’s book room displays war-related
books for children to read. The Tokushima City Library is
the only library in Tokushima Prefecture that displays such books throughout
the year. Now, a lot of children are coming to the book corner when as2 August
15, the anniversary of World War II, is getting closer comes near.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. 現在の状況の説明なので単に現在形でよいでしょう。
2. 終戦の日」が近いこの時期という幅のある時間なので、whenよりasがよいでしょう。「終戦の日が近づくにつれて」となります。
添削後の文章
A Special Display of
Boos on War for Children at the Tokushima City Library
At the Tokushima
City Library, a book corner named “War of Japan” is quite popular. The corner
in the children’s book room displays war-related books for children . The
Tokushima City Library is the only library in Tokushima Prefecture that
displays such books throughout the year. Now, a lot of children are coming to
the book corner as August 15, the anniversary of World War II, is getting
closer .
読者からの投稿 ４（つぶあんこ、1
February 09）
A library set up a
corner of “Wars of Japan”
A small collection
of books on “Wars in Japan” is firmly popular among children. Tokushima
municipal Library has set up the collection in a corner of “the Children’s
room”. The library only has a permanent exhibition of war-related children’s
books in Tokushima Prefecture. Children on their summer vacation come to the
corner lately, as the anniversary of the end of World War II, August 15th,
approaches.
添削
A The Tokushima Municipal Llibrary
sets
up a corner of children’s books on “wars Wars
of Japan”
A small collection
of children’s
books on “Wars in of Japan” at the Tokushima
Municipal Library is firmly has been1 popular
for among
children. Tokushima
municipal Llibrary has set up the collection in
a corner of “the Children’s room”2. This is Tthe
only library3 that
only
has a permanent exhibition of war-related children’s
books on
wars of Japan in Tokushima Prefecture. Many Cchildren
on their summer vacation come to the corner lately, as the anniversary
of the end of World War II, August 15th, approaches.
コメント
英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、最初の文がキーセンテンスになっていません。添削のように最初の三つの文の内容を一つにまとめるとよいでしょう。
1. 「根強い人気を集めている」は「少しの間ではなくこのコーナーが設置されてからずっと」という意味に解釈して、添削のようhas been
popularとする表現方法があります。
2. この文はは最初の文にchildren’s booksと入れておけば、内容の重複になるので省略できます。
3. 「県内でも同図書館だけ」はThis is the only
one library in the prefecture that ~ (where ~)という構文にするとわかりやすいです。
添削後の文章
The Tokushima
Municipal Library sets up a corner of children’s books on wars of Japan
A small collection
of children’s books on “Wars of Japan” at the Tokushima Municipal Library is
has been popular for children. This is the only library that has a permanent
exhibition of children’s books on
wars of Japan in Tokushima Prefecture. Many children on their summer vacation
come to the corner lately as the anniversary of the end of World War II, August
15th, approaches.
読者からの投稿 ３（さくら、7 September 07）
“Library Set up a
War-Related Corner”
A corner titled
“the war of Japan” in Tokushima City Public Library has been persistently
popular. The corner places in its children’s reading room. It is the only
library where war-related books for children are lined up in Tokushima
Prefecture. At this time of year when the anniversary of the end of the war is
coming closer, the corner is crowded with many children who are spending their
summer vacation.
添削
“Library Set up a Special Collection of War-Related
Books for Children Corner”
A corner1 collection of
books named titled “the war of Japan” in Tokushima
City Public Library has been persistently popular. The corner collection is placesd
in its children’s reading room2. It is the only library where
war-related books for children are lined available all year around up3
in Tokushima Prefecture. At this time of year when the anniversary of the end
of the war is coming closer, the corner of the library with the collection is
crowded with many children who are spending their summer vacation in the library.
コメント
1. 英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが、（１）でa cornerが文の最初に出てくるので、これは何かな？とおもいます。（２）は推測できますが、添削のように受動態にします。（３）のbooks
are lined upの意味も推測できますが、添削のようにするとよいでしょう。
添削後の文章
“Library Set up a
Special Collection of War-Related Books for Children”
A collection of
books named “the war of Japan” in Tokushima City Public Library has been persistently
popular. The collection is placed in its children’s reading room. It is the
only library where war-related books for children are available all year around
in Tokushima Prefecture. At this time of year when the anniversary of the end
of the war is coming closer, the corner of the library with the collection is
crowded with many children who are spending their summer vacation in the
library.
読者からの投稿 ２（あすか、4 December 06）
"The Wars
Involved Japan" Corner At The Tokushima City Library
The Tokushima City
Library has opened a corner of "The Wars Involved Japan" in the
children's room. Since the opening day, the visitors have been coming one after
another. This is the only library which keeps on display the children's war
books in Tokushima. During the summer vacation, many children visit this corner
around the War Memorial Day on August 15.
添削
"The Wars Involved
of Japan" Corner At The Tokushima
City Library
The Tokushima City
Library has opened a corner of called "The
Wars Involved of1 Japan"
in the children's room. Since the opening day, the visitors
children2 have
been coming visiting this corner one
after another. This is the only library which keeps on display the
children's books on war books on
display3 in
Tokushima. During the summer vacation, many children visit this corner around
the War Memorial Day on August 154.
コメント
1. 「日本の戦争」は英文でもwars of Japan と表現します。involveを使うとwar involving Japanとなります。
2. children
としたほうが具体的になります。
3. keep Aと目的語のＡを動詞のすぐ後ろに置いたほうが内容がはっきりします。
4. around the
War Memorial Day on August 15８月１５日のは終戦記念日の前後には、の意味ですね。日本文の「十五日の「終戦の日」が近いこの時期」の内容にしたがえば、as
August 15, the War Memorial Day, approachesと表現できます。
添削後の文章
"The Wars of
Japan" Corner At The Tokushima City Library
The Tokushima City
Library has opened a corner called "The Wars of Japan" in the
children's room. Since the opening day, children have been visiting this corner
one after another. This is the only library which keeps children's books on war
on display in Tokushima. During the summer vacation, many children visit this
corner around the War Memorial Day on August 15.
読者からの投稿 １（Kenji, 18 Aug 03 ）
“Wars of Japan”
Section at the Tokushima City Library”
The “Wars of Japan”
section at a corner of the children’s room at the Tokushima City Library has been
deep-rooted popular among children. This is the only library in Tokushima
Prefecture which keeps books about wars of Japan for children all year round.
Everyday, many children on summer holidays are found in front of this section
during this period when August 15, the War Memorial Day, is close.
添削
“Wars of Japan” Section Corner at
the Tokushima City Library”
The “Wars of Japan”
section
at a1 corner of the children’s room at the
Tokushima City Library2 has been deep-rooted constantly
popular among children at the Tokushima City Library. This
is the only library in Tokushima Prefecture which that keeps
children’s
books about the wars of Japan for children all
year round. Everyday, many children on summer holidays are found in front of this
section visit this corner3 as
during
this period when August 15, the War Memorial Day, is close approaches closer4.
コメント
1. 英語でも「～コーナー」という言い方があるので簡単にしました。
2. 主語句が長くなるのでat the Tokushima
City Libraryを文の最後の置きました。
3. 「子供たちの姿がある」は投稿のようでもいいですが、内容からchildren
visit the cornerと簡単にしました。
4. The War
Memorial Dayを主語にすると文が力強くなります。
添削後の文章
“Wars of Japan”
Corner at the Tokushima City Library”
The “Wars of Japan”
corner of the children’s room has been constantly popular among children at the
Tokushima City Library. This is the only library in Tokushima Prefecture that
keeps children’s books about the wars of Japan all year round. Everyday, many
children on summer holidays visit this corner as August 15, the War Memorial
Day, approaches closer.
水産庁は８月１２日、イカ釣り漁の集魚灯に、青色系発光ダイオード（ＬＥＤ）を光源として使う民間研究を支援する方針を固めた。発電に必要な燃料費を現行の白色ランプの十分の一以下に抑えられる可能性があり、同庁は漁業経営の効率化や環境保全に役立つと期待する。３年後の実用化を目指している。
読者からの投稿 ６（mxtomi, 27 February
12）
"Blue LED for
Use in Fishing Lamp”
On August 12, the
Fisheries Agency has decided to support a private research to use a blue
light-emitting diode (LED) lamp as a fishing lamp for the squid. The blue LED
lamp can reduce the fuel cost for electricity generation to less than 10% of
the conventional incandescent lamp, thereby leading to more efficient fishery
operations as well as improved environmental protection. The agency is aiming
at commercializing the technology in 3 years.
添削
"Blue LED for
Use in Fishing Lamp”
On August 12, the Fisheries
Agency has decided to support a private research to use a blue light-emitting
diode (LED) lamp as a fishing lamp for the squid. The blue LED lamp can reduce
the fuel cost for electricity generation to less than 10% of the conventional
incandescent lamp, thereby leading to more efficient fishery operations as well
as improved environmental protection. The agency is aiming at commercializing
the technology in 3 years.
コメント
内容の総てがわかります。添削箇所はありません。
読者からの投稿 ５（Lucca, 12 April 11）
Blue Diode is Used on
Fishing Boat
On August 12, the
Fishery Agency decided to support a private research that blue light-emitting
diode(LED) is used in place of filament lamp on squid fishing boat. The
researches are thinking that LEDs will keep less than one-tenth of fuel costs
down than present filament lamps. Therefore, The Agency expects that It will
lead to increase fish business efficiency and sea environment protection and
achieves the pratical use of LED on the squid fishing boat in three years.
添削
Blue Diode is Used
on Fishing Boats
On August 12, the
Fishery Agency decided to support a private research that develops1 blue
light-emitting diode(LED) lamps for squid fishing boats is used
in place of filament lamps on squid fishing boat.
The researches are expecting thinking that LEDs lamps will
reduce2 keep
fuel costs
to less than one-tenth of fuel costs down than of the
present filament lamps3. Therefore, The Agency expects that It LED lamps will
lead to increase the efficiency of squad fishing
business efficiency
and improve
the sea environment protection and The Agency plants to
achieves
the practical
use of LED lamps
on the squid fishing boats
in three years.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. a
private research that ~でthatは研究のことですからThe research
develops ~と続きます。
2. reduceと直截な表現がよいでしょう。
3. The new
product will reduce fuel costs to less than one-tenth of (the fuel costs of)
the present filament lamps. ですが、括弧内は省略できます。
添削後の文章
Blue Diode is Used
on Fishing Boats
On August 12, the
Fishery Agency decided to support a private research that develops blue
light-emitting diode(LED) lamps for squid fishing boats in place of filament
lamps. The researches are expecting that LED lamps will reduce fuel costs to
less than one-tenth of the present filament lamps. Therefore, The Agency expects
that LED lamps will lead to increase the efficiency of squad fishing business
and improve the sea environment. The Agency plants to achieve the practical use
of LED lamps on squid fishing boats in three years.
読者からの投稿 ４（Kalo, 7 November 10）
"Fishing lamps
Using Blue Light Emitting Diode”
On August 12, the
Fishery Agency decided to support research in the private sector to develop a
fishing lamp for squids that is composed of blue light-emitting diode (LED).
Compared to an incandescent lamp, the LED fishing lamp can reduce fuel costs to
generate electricity to less than one-tenth. The Agency expects that the LED
fishing lamp will help to improve the efficiency of fishing operations and
preserve the environment, aiming to put the lamp to practical use in three
years.
添削
"Fishing lamps
Using Blue Light Emitting Diode”
On August 12, the
Fishery Agency decided to support research in the private sector to develop a
fishing lamp for squids that would use is composed of a blue
light-emitting diode (LED). Compared to an incandescent lamp, the LED fishing
lamp can reduce fuel costs to generate electricity for its energy source1 to
less than one-tenth. The Agency expects that the LED fishing lamp will help to improve
the efficiency of fishing operations and preserve the environment. The Agency2 ,
aimings
to put the lamp to practical use in three years.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. この補足説明があるほうがよいでしょう。
2. 新しい文にしたほうが内容の印象が強くなります。
添削後の文章
"Fishing lamps
Using Blue Light Emitting Diode”
On August 12, the Fishery Agency decided to support research in the
private sector to develop a fishing lamp for squids that would use blue a
light-emitting diode (LED). Compared to an incandescent lamp, the LED fishing
lamp can reduce fuel costs to generate electricity for its energy source to
less than one-tenth. The Agency expects that the LED fishing lamp will help to
improve the efficiency of fishing operations and preserve the environment. The
Agency aims to put the lamp to practical use in three years.
読者からの投稿 ３（つぶあんこ、5
February 09）
Fishing lamp of a
Blue Light-Emitting Diode
The Fisheries
Agency of Japan announced on August 12th that it would support a private research
on using a Blue Light-Emitting Diode (LED) to collect squid for fishing. The
technology may reduce the cost of generating light to less than one tenth of
the current incandescent lamp. The Agency expects that the technology will make
fishery management more efficient and also contribute to preserve environment.
And the researchers aim to put the technology to practical use in three years.
添削
Fishing lLamps
with1 of
a Blue Light-Emitting Diode
The Fisheries
Agency of Japan announced on August 12th that it would support a private
research on using a Blue Light-Emitting Diode (LED) to for fishing
lamps for collect squid for
fishing2. The technology blue LED lamp3 may can reduce
the cost of generating light electricity for fishing lamps to less than one
tenth of the current incandescent lamp. The Agency expects that the blue LED technology
will make fishery management more efficient and also contribute to preserve
environmental preservation. And4 tThe
researchers aim to commercialize the blue LED fishing lamp put the
technology to practical use in three years.
コメント
内容の概略はわかりますが、幾つがわからないところがあります。
1. Ofでも意味はわかりますが、集魚灯装置の中の光源を青色系発光ダイオードにする、という意味ではwith がよいでしょう。
2. Collect
squid for fishingとすると魚の餌にまずイカを捕る、といいう意味にも取れます。
3. このように書くほうが読者に親切です。
4. 特に前の文との関連を強調する必要はないのでandは要りません。
添削後の文章
Fishing Lamps with
a Blue Light-Emitting Diode
The Fisheries
Agency of Japan announced on August 12th that it would support a private
research on using a Blue Light-Emitting Diode (LED) for fishing lamps for squid
fishing. The blue LED lamp can
reduce the cost of generating electricity for fishing lamps to less than one
tenth of the current incandescent lamp. The Agency expects that the blue LED
will make fishery management more efficient and also contribute to
environmental preservation. The researchers aim to commercialize the blue LED
fishing lamp in three years.
読者からの投稿 ２（さくら、9 September 07）
“Blue
Light-Emitting Diode will be Applied to Squid Collecting Lamp”
On August 12, the Japanese
Fisheries Agency decided to support a private company’s research to study how
to apply blue light-emitting diode (blue LED) to the squid collecting lamp. The
blue LED may enable to cut the energy cost to generate the light to less than
one-tenth of current cost of white light bulbs. The agency expects LED will
bring more efficient and environment-friendly fishing operations. They plan to
put the research in practice three years later.
添削
“Blue
Light-Emitting Diode will be Applied to Squid Collecting Lamp”
On August 12, the Japanese Fisheries
Agency of
Japan decided to support a private company’s research to study how
to apply blue light-emitting diode (blue LED) to the squid collecting lamp. The
blue LED may enable fishermen1 to
cut the energy cost to generate electricity for squid colleting lamps the light
to less than one-tenth of current cost of white light bulbs. The aAgency
expects
that LED will bring more efficient and environment-friendly
fishing operations. They plan to put commercialize the LED squid
collecting amps the research in practice three years later2.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. enable A
to do Bという形にするとわかりやすくなります。
2. 「３年後の実用化を目指している」は具体的に表現するとよいでしょう。
添削後の文章
“Blue
Light-Emitting Diode will be Applied to Squid Collecting Lamp”
On August 12, the
Fisheries Agency of Japan decided to support a private company’s research to
study how to apply blue light-emitting diode (blue LED) to the squid collecting
lamp. The blue LED may enable fishermen to cut the energy cost to generate
electricity for squid colleting lamps to less than one-tenth of current white
light bulbs. The Agency expects that LED will bring more efficient and
environment-friendly fishing operations. They plan to commercialize the LED
squid collecting amps in three years.
読者からの投稿 １（TOMOKO, 9 Sept 03）
“Fishing Light with Blue Light-Emitting Diode”
On August 12, 2003,
the Fisheries Agency established a new policy that the Agency would support private
research for using a blue light-emitting diode (LED) as a squid fishing light
source. The blue LED may reduce fuel costs required to generate electricity to
10 percent or lower of the cost for the current white LED. The Agency expects
that the blue LED will contribute to efficient fishery management and
environmental conservation. The light aims to go into practical use in three
years.
添削
“Fishing Light -Lamp with a Blue
Light-Emitting Diode”
On August 12, 2003,
the Fisheries Agency established a new policy that the Agency would decided to1
support private research for using to use a blue
light-emitting diode (LED) as a squid fishing- light source for fishing
squids. The blue LED lamp2 may reduce fuel costs
required to generate electricity to 10 percent or lower of the cost for-
the current white incandescent lamp LED.
The Agency expects that the blue LED lamp will contribute to efficient
fishery management and environmental conservation. The light3 and -aims
to go
into practical use commercialize it in three years.
コメント
TOMOKOさんは水産庁、青色系発光ダイオードなどの英訳をよく調べてから、日本文を丁寧に英文で表現しています。
「支援する方針を固めた」は日本文に忠実に英文で表現するとTOMOKOさんの投稿のようになりますが、内容的には「支援することに決めた」と同じですから添削のように簡単にできます。
「青色系発光ダイオード（ＬＥＤ）を光源として使う」は「青色系発光ダイオード（ＬＥＤ）を光源として使う電球」のことですから、ここでは具体的にthe blue
LED lampとしました。
主語を水産省にするとThe Fisheries Agency aims to commercialize it in three years. 「主体が～する」という形になります。電球を主語にすれば、The blue
LED lamp is aimed to be developed in three years. と受動態になります。
添削後の文章
“Fishing
-Lamp with a Blue Light-Emitting Diode”
On August 12, 2003, the Fisheries Agency decided to
support private research to use a blue light-emitting diode (LED) as a - light
source for fishing squids. The blue LED lamp may reduce fuel costs required to
generate electricity to 10 percent or lower of the - the current white
incandescent lamp. The Agency expects that the blue LED lamp will contribute to
efficient fishery management and environmental conservation and -aims to
commercialize it in three years.
屋上緑化は全国で大流行になった。緑は眼にやさしく、潤いをもたらし、また都市を熱くするヒートアイランド現象の緩和にも役立つ。しかし、東京の学校やビル１０万棟（およそ５千万平方メートル）の屋上緑化をすると雨の少ない３０日間に約２千万立方メートルの水が必要になる。これは多摩湖二つ分の貯水量に相当し、渇水時には水不足になりかねない。
読者からの投稿 ６（mxtomi, 27 February
12）
"Flip Side of
Green Roof”
A green roof, or a
roof of a building covered with vegetation, is booming nationwide. Green plants
are gentle to our eyes, enrich our lives and mitigate the heat island effect by
lowering urban air temperatures. But, if green roofs are to be installed at 100
thousand of schools and buildings in Tokyo (about 50 million square meters),
approximately 20 million cubic meters of water will be required for 30 days in
the dry season. This volume is twice as much as the water in Lake Tama and
large enough to cause serious water shortage in a long spell of dry weather.
添削
"A Flip
Side of the
Green Roof”
A green roof, or a
roof of a building covered with vegetation, is booming popular nationwide.
Green plants are gentle to our eyes, enrich our lives and mitigate the heat
island effect by lowering urban air temperatures. But, if green roofs are to be
installed at 100 thousand of schools and buildings in Tokyo (about 50 million
square meters), approximately 20 million cubic meters of water will be required
for 30 days in the dry season. This volume is twice as much as the water in
Lake Tama and large enough to cause a serious water shortage in a long
spell of dry weather.
コメント
内容の総てがわかります。
添削後の文章
"A Flip Side
of the Green Roof”
A green roof, or a
roof of a building covered with vegetation, is booming popular nationwide.
Green plants are gentle to our eyes, enrich our lives and mitigate the heat
island effect by lowering urban air temperatures. But, if green roofs are to be
installed at 100 thousand of schools and buildings in Tokyo (about 50 million
square meters), approximately 20 million cubic meters of water will be required
for 30 days in the dry season. This volume is twice as much as the water in
Lake Tama and large enough to cause a serious water shortage in a long spell of
dry weather.
読者からの投稿 ５（Lucca, 15 April 11）
Problems about
Greenery on the Top of Buildings
Greenly on the
rooftops of buildings are very popular nationwide. It, however, has its good
points and bad points. Looking at green is good for our eyes and makes us refreshed.
Furthermore, heat-island effect in urban areas is reducing by greenery.
But If we use the
greenery to cover the rooftops of hundred thousand buildings and schools which
are about fifty-million square meters wide in Tokyo, we need water of twenty-million
square meters for thirty days in dry season. This amount is almost the same as
twofold the Tama Lake's water. It will create a lack of water.
添削
Problems about with Greenery
on the Rooftop Top
of
Buildings
Greenly on the
rooftops
of buildings are is very popular nationwide. It, hHowever1,
it has
its good points and bad points. Looking at something green is
good for our eyes and makes us refreshed. Furthermore, heat-island effect phenomena in
urban areas can
is be reducing by
greenery.
But If we use the greenery
to cover the rooftops of hundreds and thousands of buildings and
schools in
Tokyo, the total area of rooftops will be2 which are
about fifty-million square meters wide in Tokyo,. Then, we
will need
water of
twenty-million square cubic meters of water for
thirty days in the dry season. This amount is almost twice as much the same
as twofold
the amount
of water in Tama Lake's water. and can It will
create a lack
of water shortage in Tokyo.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. howeverは投稿のように主語の後ろに入れることがおおいですが、ここでは主語はItと短いので、添削のようにしたほうが文の流れがよくなります。
2. 従属節は短くして、短期記憶に入れておく量をすくなくすると読みやすくなります。
添削後の文章
Problems with
Greenery on the Rooftop
Greenly on the
rooftop is very popular nationwide. However, it has its good points and bad
points. Looking at something green is good for our eyes and makes us refreshed.
Furthermore, heat-island phenomena in urban areas can be reducing by greenery.
But If we use
greenery to cover the rooftops of hundreds and thousands of buildings and
schools in Tokyo, the total area of rooftops will be about fifty-million square
meters. Then, we will need twenty-million cubic meters of water for thirty days
in the dry season. This amount is almost twice as much as the amount of water
in Tama Lake and can create a water shortage in Tokyo.
読者からの投稿 ４（Kalo. 11 November
10）
"Problems with
Rooftop Gardening”
Rooftop gardening,
or planting trees and flowers on the rooftop of a building, has been quite popular
across the country. Lush greenery is easy with the eyes, makes living
environments colorful and also helps to reduce the urban heat island.
But if rooftop
gardens are created at 100 thousand of schools and other buildings in Tokyo
(about 50 million squares), they will need roughly 20 millions cubic meters of
water for 30 days during the dry season. This corresponds to roughly twice the
amount of water in Tamako Lake and may result in the lack of water supply in a
dry spell.
添削
"Problems with
Rooftop Gardening”
Rooftop gardening,
or planting trees and flowers on the rooftop of a building, is getting1 has been quite
popular across the country. Lush greenery on the rooftop is
easy with the eyes, makes a living environments1
colorful and also helps to reduce the urban heat island phenomenon.
But if rooftop
gardens are created at 100 thousand of schools and other buildings in Tokyo
(about 50 million squares meters), they we will
need roughly 20 millions cubic meters of water for 30 days during the dry
season. This corresponds is to
roughly twice the amount of water in Tamako Lake and may result in the lack of shortage of
water supply in a dry spell.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. 「全国で大流行になった」は、現在大流行している、ということで全国的にどこもかしこも屋上庭園にはなっていないのでは？
2. ある一つの生活環境で代表してよいとおもいます。
添削後の文章
"Problems with
Rooftop Gardening”
Rooftop gardening,
or planting trees and flowers on the rooftop of a building, is getting popular across the country. Lush
greenery on the rooftop is easy with the eyes, makes a living environment
colorful and also helps to reduce the urban heat island phenomenon.
But if rooftop
gardens are created at 100 thousand of schools and other buildings in Tokyo
(about 50 million square meters), we will need roughly 20 millions cubic meters
of water for 30 days during the dry season. This is roughly twice the amount of
water in Tamako Lake and may result in the shortage of water supply in a dry
spell.
読者からの投稿 ３（つぶあんこ、6
February 09）
Problems with
planting trees and flowers on the roof of buildings
Planting trees and
flowers on the roof of buildings, so called roof gardening, is booming greatly
across the country. Green plants have a positive effect on eyes and minds as
well as contribute to reduce the heat island effect that exceptionally heats up
cities in summer. But if the roof tops of one hundreds buildings such as
schools and office buildings (around fifty million square meters) in Tokyo turn
to green gardens, it will also demand around twenty million cubic meters of
water for thirty days during the dry season. The volume is twice as much as
water in Tamako Lake. The huge demand may exacerbate the water shortage in case
of drought.
添削
Problems with
planting trees and flowers on the roofs of buildings
Planting trees and flowers on the roofs of buildings, so
called rooftop gardens gardening,
is booming greatly across the country. Green
plants have a positive soothing effects1
on eyes and minds as well as contribute to reduce the heat island effect that exceptionally heats
up cities in summer. But if the roof tops of one hundreds thousand
buildings such as schools and office buildings (around fifty million square
meters) in Tokyo turn into green gardens, it they2 will
require also demand
around twenty million cubic meters of water for thirty days during the dry
season. The volume is twice as much as the water in Tamako
Lake. The huge demand for water may exacerbate the water shortage
in case of drought.
コメント
内容の概略はわかりますが、ビルディングの数が日本文と違いますね。
1. いろいろなpositive effectがあるので、ここではsoothing effects とすこし具体的にしました。
2. 主節の主語はまだthe rooftops です。Suppose that the rooftops of ~. Then,
this will require ~.という構造にすると、Suppose
that ~のないよう全体をThisで表現できます。
添削後の文章
Problems with
planting trees and flowers on the roofs of buildings
Planting trees and
flowers on the roofs of buildings, so called rooftop gardens, is booming across
the country. Green plants have soothing effects on eyes and minds as well as
contribute to reduce the heat island effect that heats up cities in summer. But
if the rooftops of one hundred thousand buildings such as schools and office
buildings (around fifty million square meters) in Tokyo turn into green
gardens, they will require around twenty million cubic meters of water for
thirty days during the dry season. The volume is twice as much as the water in
Tamako Lake. The huge demand for water may exacerbate the water shortage in
case of drought.
読者からの投稿 ２（さくら、11 September 07）
"Problem of
Planting the Rooftop Gardens"
Planting trees and
grasses in the rooftop garden of buildings has been widespread across the
country. Green plants ease our eyes and bring natural atmosphere as well as
reduce heat island phenomenon. But Planting in all rooftop gardens of 100
thousands buildings such as
schools and business offices in Tokyo (about 50 million squares) requires
around 20 millions cubic meters water in 30 days during the dry season. This
amount is almost twice as much as the water of Lake Tama. Water may be short in
the dry spell.
添削
"Problem of with Planting
the Rooftop Gardens"
Planting trees and
grasses
in the rooftop garden of buildings has been widespread across the country.
Green plants ease our eyes and bring a natural atmosphere as well as reduce
the heat
island phenomenon. But Pplanting trees and grass in
all rooftop gardens of 100 thousands buildings such as schools and business
offices in Tokyo (about 50 million squares meters) requires around about 20
millions cubic meters of water in for 30
days during the dry season. This amount is almost twice as much as the water of in Lake
Tama. and will cause
a shortage of water for other uses Water may be short in during
the dry spell.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかりますが、最後の文は添削のようにすると分かりやすくなるでしょう。
添削後の文章
"Problem with
Planting the Rooftop Gardens"
Planting trees and
grass in the rooftop garden of buildings has been widespread across the
country. Green plants ease our eyes and bring a natural atmosphere as well as
reduce the heat island phenomenon. But planting trees and grass in all rooftop
gardens of 100 thousands buildings such as schools and business offices in
Tokyo (about 50 million square meters) requires about 20 millions cubic meters
of water for 30 days during the dry season. This amount is almost twice as much
as the water in Lake Tama and will cause a shortage of water for other uses
during the dry spell.
読者からの投稿 １（Prim, 15 Sept 03）
“Problems of Roof
Greening”
Roof greening has become
very popular nationwide. Trees and flowers on the roof are soft to our eyes and
make us feel comfortable. It is also useful for the heat-island phenomenon in
the city by absorbing heat from the sun. If we want to plant trees and flowers
on the roof of 100,000 schools and other buildings in Tokyo (roughly 50 million
square-meters), we will need about 20 million cubic meters of water for the
period of 30 days when rains are not enough. This will be equivalent to twice
the amount of Lake Tama and may cause a general shortage of water for other
uses.
添削
“Problems with Plating
Trees and Flowers on the Roof of Building1 Roof Greening”
Roof greening Planting
trees and flowers on the roof of the building has become very
popular nationwide. Trees and flowers on the roof are soft to please
our eyes and make us feel comfortable soothe our
mind2. It isThey are also
useful for reducing the heat-island phenomenon in
the city by absorbing heat from the sun. But planting trees and flowers
on the roof requires water3. If we want to
plant trees and flowers on the roof of 100,000 schools and other buildings in
Tokyo (roughly 50 million square-meters), we will need about 20 million cubic
meters of water for the period of 30 days when rains are not enough scarce4.
This will be equivalent to twice the amount of water in Lake Tama
and may cause a general shortage of water for other uses.
コメント
1. 「屋上緑化」はまだ定まった英語表現がないので、内容をplanting
trees and flowers on the roof of the buildingと説明するのがよいと思います。もし屋上緑化が何回も文章の中に出てくるときには、最初にplanting trees and
flowers on the roof of the building (greening of the rooftop) と説明して、２回目からはgreening of the
rooftopを使います。
2. 投稿のままでもよいですが、please our eyes and
soothe our mindと対比した表現にしました。
3. 説明の文を入れて後の文との関連をつけました。
4. Primさんはここのところの日本文を整理して英文で表現しています。渇水期には雨が少ないということをはっきりさせるためにはnot
enoughよりscarceがよいとおもいます。
添削後の文章
“Problems with
Plating Trees and Flowers on the Roof of Building”
Planting trees and
flowers on the roof of the building has become very popular nationwide. Trees
and flowers on the roof please our eyes and soothe our mind. They are also
useful for reducing the heat-island phenomenon in the city by absorbing heat
from the sun. But planting trees and flowers on the roof requires water. If we
want to plant trees and flowers on the roof of 100,000 schools and other
buildings in Tokyo (roughly 50 million square-meters), we will need about 20
million cubic meters of water for the period of 30 days when rains are scarce.
This will be equivalent to twice the amount of water in Lake Tama and may cause
a general shortage of water for other uses.
米ペンシルベニア州の炭鉱跡地で４０年余りも地下の石炭層が燃え続け、周囲の森林が焼き尽くされたり、道路が陥没するなどなど環境問題が深刻化している。地下火災が起きたのは一九六二年。町のごみ焼却場の炎が地下の石炭層に引火し、瞬く間に燃え広がった。炭鉱は１９５０年代半ばに閉山したが、約４千万トンが地下深くに眠っているといわれる。 ４０年余りで既に東京ドーム４２個分に相当する約２百万平方メートルが焼失したが残りの石炭が燃え尽きるのには、あと少なくとも２００年かかる。
読者からの投稿 ５（mxtomi, 29 February
12）
"Fire in the
Closed Coal Mine”
A coal seam fire
has been smoldering for some 40 years at a closed coal mine in Pennsylvania, causing
serious environmental problems like burning out of surrounding forests and
subsidence of roads around. The fire started in 1962 when a fire set at a trash
incineration pit in the town spread to the vein of coal underneath the pit,
lighting the subsequent subterranean fire. The coal mine is said to have left
40 million tons of coal intact deep under the underground when it was closed in
the midst of 1950’s. These past 40 years, about two million square meter of the
coal mine, forty-two times as large as Tokyo Dome, has burned out. Yet, at
least 200 more years will be needed before the fire completely burns itself.
添削
"A Fire
in the Closed Coal Mine”
A coal seam fire
has been smoldering for some 40 years at a closed coal mine in Pennsylvania,
causing serious environmental problems like burning out of surrounding forests
and subsidence of roads around. The fire started in 1962 when a fire set at a
trash incineration pit in the town spread to the vein of coal underneath the
pit, lighting the subsequent subterranean fire. The coal mine is said to have left
40 million tons of coal left intact deep under the underground
when it was closed in the midst middle of 1950’s. Over Tthese
past 40 years, about two million square meter of the coal mine,;
that was
roughly forty-two times as large as Tokyo Dome, has burned out.
Yet, at least 200 more years will be needed before the fire completely burns
itself
out.
コメント
内容のすべてがわかります。
添削後の文章
"A Fire in the
Closed Coal Mine”
A coal seam fire has
been smoldering for some 40 years at a closed coal mine in Pennsylvania,
causing serious environmental problems like burning out of surrounding forests
and subsidence of roads around. The fire started in 1962 when a fire set at a
trash incineration pit in the town spread to the vein of coal underneath the
pit, lighting the subsequent subterranean fire. The coal mine is said to have
40 million tons of coal left intact deep under the underground when it was
closed in the middle of 1950’s. Over these past 40 years, about two million
square meter of the coal mine; that was roughly forty-two times as large as
Tokyo Dome, has burned out. Yet, at least 200 more years will be needed before
the fire completely burns itself out.
読者からの投稿 ４（Lucca, 15 April 11）
Fire in the Closed
Coal Mine Site in Pennsylvania
Environment
problems are very serious in closed coal site in Pennsylvania in the US. Due to
the underground coal-seam fire for forty years, the forests were burned and the
roads sagged.
It started burning
from a town's garbage incineration plant to the underground coal-seam in 1962.
The coal mine which perhaps kept the coals of forty-million ton in the
underground was closed in the mid-1950s. Since then, over the last forty years
it has already burned on two million square meters wide which is the same as
forty-twofold the Tokyo Dome. At least two hundred more years will be needed
till It all burns out.
添削
A Fire in the Closed
Coal Mine Site
in Pennsylvania
Environment
problems are becoming1 very
serious at
in a closed coal mine site
in Pennsylvania, the United States in the US. Due
to as an the
underground coal-seam fire keeps burning for the last forty years,
burning
down the forests were burned and the and sagging down
roads around sagged.
It The fire at the coal mine2 started
when a
fire burning from at a town's garbage
incineration plant ignited to the an
underground coal-seam in 1962. The coal mine which perhaps has kept the coals
of forty-million tons of coal in the underground was
closed in the mid-1950s. Since then, oOver the last forty
years
since then, it the fire has already
burned on out about two
million square meters of coal ,wide which is as large the same
as forty-twofold
the Tokyo Domes. Yet, Aat
least two hundred more years will be needed before the fire till It all
burns out
all coal.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. 現在進行形にすると臨場感がでます。
2. 短い文章ですが、名詞を繰り返したほうがわかりやすくなります。
添削後の文章
A Fire in the
Closed Coal Mine in Pennsylvania
Environment problems
are becoming very serious at a closed coal mine in Pennsylvania, the United
States as an underground coal-seam fire keeps burning for the last forty years,
burning down forests and sagging down roads around .
The fire at the
coal mine started when a fire at a town's garbage incineration plant
ignited an underground
coal-seam in 1962. The coal mine which perhaps has forty-million tons of coal
in the underground was closed in the mid-1950s. Over the last forty years since
then, the fire has already burned
out about two million square meters of coal, which is as large as forty Tokyo Domes. Yet, at least two
hundred more years will be needed before the fire burns out all coal.
読者からの投稿 ３（Kalo, 14 December
10）
"Fire in the
Closed Coal Mine”
A coal-seam fire
has been burning over forty years at the old site of a coal mine in
Pennsylvania. The fire has burnt out the surrounding forests and caved in the
roads, causing serious environmental problems.
The fire started in
1962, when burning trash at a garbage pit caught the underground coal seam on
fire, and then progressed so quickly. The coal mine was closed in the middle of
1950s but it is said that there are still some forty million tons of coal in
the coal mine.
For the past forty
years, about 2 million square meters of the coal mine, forty-two times larger
than Tokyo Dome, has burnt out, but it will take at least 200 years for the
rest of the coal to completely burn out.
添削
"Fire in the
Closed Coal Mine”
A fire in the
under-ground coal-seam fire has been burning over the last forty
years at an
the old coal mine site of a coal mine
in Pennsylvania. The fire has also burnt out the surrounding forests
and caved in the roads, causing serious environmental problems.
The fire started in
1962, when
burning trash at a garbage pit caught the underground coal seam on fire, and
then progressed so quickly. The coal mine was closed in the middle of 1950s but
it is said that there are still some forty million tons of coal in the coal
mine.
For the past forty
years, about 2 million square meters of the coal mine, forty-two times larger as large as than
Tokyo Dome, has
have burnt out., but iIt
will take at least 200 more years for the rest of the coal to
be completely
burn out.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
添削後の文章
"Fire in the
Closed Coal Mine”
A fire in the
under-ground coal-seam has been burning over the last forty years at an old
coal mine site in Pennsylvania. The fire has also burnt out the surrounding
forests and caved in the roads, causing serious environmental problems.
The fire started in
1962,when burning trash at a garbage pit caught the underground coal seam on
fire, and then progressed so quickly. The coal mine was closed in the middle of
1950s but it is said that there are still some forty million tons of coal in
the coal mine.
For the past forty
years, about 2 million square meters of the coal mine, forty-two times as large
as Tokyo Dome, have burnt out. It will take at least 200 more years for the
rest of the coal to be completely burn out.
読者からの投稿 ２（つぶあんこ、14
February 09）
A fire in the
closed coal mine site
At a closed coal
mine site in Pennsylvania, a fire in a coal seam has lasted for more than forty
years. The fire brought serious environmental hazards such as burning down the
surrounding forest and collapsing the road above the site. The underground fire
broke out in 1962. The flame of the refuse incineration plant in the town
spread to the coal seam and extended itself in the blink of an eye in the
underground. The coal mine was closed in the mid -1950’s but it is said that
there is still about forty million tons of coal in the deep underground.
Around two million
square meters of the coal mine site, which is equivalent of forty-two times as
large as the Tokyo Dome, has already burned out for forty and more years. But
it will take at least two hundred more years that the rest of the coal burns
out.
添削
A fire in the
closed coal mine site1
At a closed coal
mine site
in Pennsylvania, a fire in a the coal
seam2 has lasted been burning for
more than forty years. The fire brought serious environmental hazards damages such
as a burn-out of burning down
the surrounding
forest in the surrounding area and collapses of collapsing the
roads
above the site3. The underground fire broke out in 1962. when the
The
flame from
an of the refuse incineration plant in
the town spread to the a coal seam in the mine
and extended itself quickly to the whole underground coal mine4 in the blink
of an eye in the underground. The coal mine was
closed in the mid -1950’s but it is said that there is still about forty
million tons of coal in the deep underground.
Around two million
square meters of the coal mine site, which is equivalent of forty-two times as large
as the Tokyo Domes, has already burned out for forty and
more years. Bu tbut
it will take at least two hundred more years that before the
rest of the
coal burns out.
コメント
内容の総てがわかります。
1. closed
mineとあるので現在は閉山されていることがわかりますからsiteはいりません。
2. この炭鉱の石炭層ですからthe coal seamがよいでしょう。
3. A
burn-out, collapsesと名詞にしたほうがわかりやすくなります。
4. 「瞬く間」とありますが、民家の火事と違い、地下の石炭層の火事ですから、「瞬きをする間に燃え広がった」とはおもえません。
添削後の文章
A fire in the
closed coal mine
At a closed coal
mine in Pennsylvania, a fire in the coal seam has been burning for more than
forty years. The fire brought serious environmental damages such as a burn-out
of the forest in the surrounding area and collapses of the roads above the
site. The underground fire broke out in 1962 when the flame from an
incineration plant in the town spread to a coal seam in the mine and extended
itself quickly to the whole underground coal mine. The coal mine was closed in
the mid -1950’s but it is said that there is still about forty million tons of
coal in the deep underground.
Around two million
square meters of the coal mine site, which is equivalent of forty-two Tokyo Domes, has already burned out but
it will take at least two hundred more years before the rest of coal burns out.
読者からの投稿 １（さくら、12 September 07）
"Fire in the Abandoned
Coal Mine"
The underground
coal layer in an abandoned coal mine in Pennsylvania State, U.S. has been
burning for around 40 years. The woods around the site were burned out and the
road fell down in many places. The surrounding environment is deteriorating.
The fire started in 1962 when the flame from garbage incineration plant ignited
the underground coal layer. It was instantly spread. The coal mine was closed
in the middle of 1950s, but they say that some 40 million tons of coal still
remains in the mine. For forty years, two million square meters of the coal
layer which is 42 times as large as Tokyo Dome was already burned out. It will
take at least 200 years to burn out all of the coal.
添削
"Fire in the
Abandoned Coal Mine in Pennsylvania"
The underground
coal layer in an abandoned coal mine in Pennsylvania State, U.S. has been
burning for around
more than 40 years. The woods forests around
the site were burned out down and the road
fell down into
the mine in many places. The surrounding environment is
deteriorating. The fire started in 1962 when the a flame
from a
nearby garbage incineration plant ignited the underground coal
layer. It The fire was
instantly spread in the coal mine. The coal mine was closed
in the middle of 1950s, but they say that some 40 million tons of coal still
remains in the mine. For Over the last forty
years, two million square meters of the coal layer which is 42 times as large
as Tokyo Dome was has already burned
out.
but It
will take at least 200 more years to burn out all of the coal in the mine.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。ちょこちょこと添削して読みやすくしました。
添削後の文章
"Fire in the
Abandoned Coal Mine in Pennsylvania"
The underground
coal layer in an abandoned coal mine in Pennsylvania State, U.S. has been
burning for more than 40 years. The forests around the site were burned down
and the road fell down into the mine in many places. The surrounding
environment is deteriorating. The fire started in 1962 when a flame from a
nearby garbage incineration plant ignited the underground coal layer. The fire
instantly spread in the coal mine. The coal mine was closed in the middle of
1950s, but they say that some 40 million tons of coal still remains in the
mine. Over the last forty years, two million square meters of the coal layer
which is 42 times as large as Tokyo Dome has already burned out but It will
take at least 200 more years to burn out all of the coal in the mine.
浅間山で今年２月、１３年ぶりに噴火が確認された。これまで四回、いずれも微小で、明らかなマグマの上昇は見られず、山ろくに危険が及ぶような噴火は当面はないと考えられている。だが、過去に激しい活動を繰り返した日本を代表する火山だけに、地元では次の動きを注意深く見守っている。
読者からの投稿 ５（mxtomi, 4 March 12）
"The Eruption
of Mount Asama”
In February this
year, Mount Asama erupted for the first time in thirteen years. All of the 4
eruption so far observed were small, showing no indication of the magma welling
up. Experts say there will be no major eruption that could endanger the foot of
the volcano. However, given that the mountain is notorious for its violent
volcanic activities in the past, local people are carefully monitoring how the
things will develop.
添削
"The Eruption
of Mount Asama”
In February this
year, Mount Asama erupted for the first time in thirteen years. All of the 4 four eruptions
so far
observed so
far this year were small, showing no
indication of the magma welling up. Experts say there will be no major eruption
that could endanger people living at the foot of the
volcano. However, given that the mountain is notorious for its violent volcanic
activities in the past, local people are carefully monitoring how the things
will develop.
コメント
内容のすべてがわかります。
添削後の文章
"The Eruption
of Mount Asama”
In February this
year, Mount Asama erupted for the first time in thirteen years. All of the four
eruptions observed so far this year were small, showing no indication of the
magma welling up. Experts say there will be no major eruption that could
endanger people living at the foot of the volcano. However, given that the
mountain is notorious for its violent volcanic activities in the past, local
people are carefully monitoring how the things will develop.
読者からの投稿 ４（Lucca, 16 April 11）
Eructation on the
Mount Asama
The Mount Asama
erupted fore times this February for the first time in thirteen years. But the
eructation was very small and the figure of magma didn't obviously go up. The
serious eructations that would affect the villages on the foot of the mountain
don't seem to occur for a while. Local residents keep monitoring the mountain
because the mountain is famous volcano that represents Japan with its active
eructation history.
添削
Eructation The Eruption of on the
Mount Asama
The Mount Asama
erupted fore
four times this February for the first
time in thirteen years. But the eructation eruption was very
small and the figure of magma didn't obviously move go
up. The A serious
eruption eructations
that will would
affect the villages on the foot of the mountain is not likely don't seem to
occur for a while. Local residents keep monitoring the mountain because the
mountain is famous for its violent volcanoic activities in the past and is one of
major volcanoes in that represents Japan with its active
eructation history1.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. 「過去に激しい活動を繰り返した日本を代表する火山だけに」は連体形の日本文ですが、英文では添削のように二つに分けたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。
添削後の文章
The Eruption of
Mount Asama
Mount Asama erupted
four times this February for the first time in thirteen years. But the eruption
was very small and the magma didn't obviously move up. A serious eruption that
will affect the villages on the foot of the mountain is not likely to occur for
a while. Local residents keep monitoring the mountain because the mountain is
famous for its violent volcanic activities in the past and is one of major
volcanoes in Japan.
読者からの投稿 ３（Kalo, 21 December
10）
"Mount Asama
Erupted”
In February this
year, Mount Asama erupted for the first time in thirteen years. So far, four
eruptions have been observed. But all of the eruptions were small and no signs
have been confirmed that the magma coming up toward the crater. There has been
also no likelihood that a major eruption will affect the foothills of the
volcano. However, local people are watching Mount Asama carefully because it
had a series of explosive eruptions in the past.
添削
"Mount Asama
Erupted”
In February this
year, Mount Asama erupted for the first time in thirteen years. So far, four
eruptions have been observed. But all of the eruptions were small and no signs
have been confirmed that the magma was coming up toward the crater. There
has been also no likelihood of that a major eruption
that1 will
affect the foothills of the volcano. However, local people are carefully watching
Mount Asama carefully2
because it had a series of explosive eruptions in the past.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. この文章構造のほうがわかりやすいでしょう。
2. 最近は日本語風に副詞を動詞の前に置くことが多くなっています。
添削後の文章
"Mount Asama
Erupted”
In February this
year, Mount Asama erupted for the first time in thirteen years. So far, four
eruptions have been observed. But all of the eruptions were small and no signs
have been confirmed that the magma was coming up toward the crater. There has
been also no likelihood of a major eruption that will affect the foothills of
the volcano. However, local people are carefully watching Mount Asama because
it had a series of explosive eruptions in the past.
読者からの投稿 ２（さくら、20 September 07）
“Explosions at Mt.
Asama”
In February of this
year, explosions were confirmed at Mt. Asama for the first time in thirteen
years. So far, four small explosions were observed but the magmas did not
ascend yet. Big explosions which will affect mountainsides are not supposed to
occur for a while. Close attention should be paid because Mt. Asama is one of
the most active volcanoes in Japan which has ever had big explosions many
times.
添削
“Explosions at Mt.
Asama”
In February of this
year, several
explosions were confirmed at Mt. Asama for the first time in
thirteen years. So far, four small explosions were observed but the magmas
did not ascend yet. Big explosions which will can endanger and
properties in the foothills1 affect mountainsides
are not supposed to occur for a while. However, Cclose attention
should be paid because Mt. Asama is one of the most active volcanoes in Japan
which has
ever had big explosions many times in the past.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。火山の噴火はa volcanic eruptionかなとおもって辞書を引くと、When a volcano
erupts, it throws out a lot of hot, melted rock called lava, as well as ash and
steam.とあります。この浅間山の噴火では溶岩の噴出はなかったので、eruptionsよりexplosionsが適当でしょうね。
1. affect
the mountainsideとすると、噴火が山の中腹が変形する、という意味に取れます。
添削後の文章
“Explosions at Mt.
Asama”
In February this
year, several explosions were confirmed at Mt. Asama for the first time in
thirteen years. So far, four small explosions were observed but the magma did
not ascend yet. Big explosions which can endanger and properties in the
foothills are not supposed to occur for a while. However, close attention
should be paid because Mt. Asama is one of the most active volcanoes in Japan
which had big explosions many times in the past.
読者からの投稿 １（Jasmine, 23 Sept 03）
“Eruptions of Mt.
Asama”
In February this
year, several eruptions were observed at Mt. Asama after 13 years. Four minor
eruptions took place but no upward movement of magma was observed. At present,
it is considered that there will be no major eruption that can endanger the
foothills. Nevertheless, people are watching Mt. Asama closely because it is
one of the most famous volcanoes in Japan that has a history of violent
volcanic activities in the past.
添削
“Eruptions of on Mt.
Asama”
In February this
year, several eruptions were observed at Mt. Asama after 13 years, which had
been dormant for 13 years1. Four minor eruptions took
place but no upward movement of magma was observed. At present, it is considered appears2
that there will be no major eruption that can could endanger
people
and properties3 in the foothills.
Nevertheless3, local people are watching Mt. Asama
closely because it is one of the most famous active4 volcanoes
in Japan that has a history of violent volcanic activities activity in
the past.
コメント
1. after
the last eruption 13 years agoとしてもよいですが、添削では少し説明を加えました。
2. 「～と考えられている」という表現は日本文によくあります。「火山の専門家は～と考えている」という文を受身形で表現して「火山の専門家」を省略しています。英文でもIt is
considered that…という形はありますが、このときの隠れた主語は「世の中の人一般」を指す場合が多く、この日本文の例のように隠れた主語が特定の人の時は It is
considered by volcano researchers that…としないと文が曖昧な感じになります。添削ではit appears that…としました。これでも隠れた主語は表に出てきませんが、「（私がが専門家に話をきいたところによると）～のようだ。」という感じになり、it is
said that…とより内容の表現が積極的になります。
3. この文脈で文と文をつなげるのに適当な副詞ですね。
4. Famous の内容を具体的にしました。
添削後の文章
“Eruptions on Mt.
Asama”
In February this
year, several eruptions were observed at Mt. Asama, which had been dormant for
13 years. Four minor eruptions took place but no upward movement of magma was observed.
At present, it appears that there will be no major eruption that could endanger
people and properties in the foothills. Nevertheless, local people are watching
Mt. Asama closely because it is one of the most active volcanoes in Japan that
has a history of violent volcanic activity in the past.
ネットのサイト利用料など使った覚えがないインターネットのサイト利用料などの支払いを、はがきやメール、電話などで脅迫的に要求される「架空請求」の被害が後を絶たない。無視すれば金銭面での実害はないが、精神的な苦痛は大きい。振込先の口座がある銀行に訴えれば、銀行側が調査し、口座を閉鎖することもある。業者に請求をやめさせるには、口座番号を銀行に連絡し、対策を求めることが有効だ。
読者からの投稿 ６（mxtomi, 4 March 12）
"Billing
Frauds on Internet”
There seems to be
no end to the number of billing frauds which call for your payments for
services you have never received such as an internet access charge for a
particular site. The fraudulent bills come to you in the form of postcards,
emails or phone calls, often with a threatening tone. You can simply ignore the
bills without suffering any tangible monetary damage. Still, you may suffer
mental anguish. You may want to ask for help from the bank having an account to
which you are requested to remit your payment. The bank will investigate and
may close the account. Reporting the account number of the shady payee to the
bank and soliciting their investigation is an effective way to stop the
fraudulent company from sending you the fake invoices.
添削
"Billing
Frauds on Internet”
There seems to be
no end to the number of billing frauds on the Internet which
call for your payments for services you have never received such as an internet
access charge for a particular site. The fraudulent bills come to you in the
form of postcards, e-mails or phone calls,
often with a threatening tone. You can simply ignore the bills without
suffering any tangible monetary damage. Still, you may suffer mental anguish.
You may want to ask for help from the bank having an account to which you are
requested to remit your payment. The bank will investigate your complain and
may close the account. Reporting the account number of the a shady
payee to a
the bank and soliciting their
investigation is an effective way to stop the fraudulent company from sending
you any
more the fake invoices.
コメント
内容のすべてがわかります。
添削後の文章
"Billing
Frauds on Internet”
There seems to be
no end to the number of billing frauds on the Internet which call for your
payments for services you have never received such as an internet access charge
for a particular site. The fraudulent bills come to you in the form of
postcards, e-mail or phone calls, often with a threatening tone. You can simply
ignore the bills without suffering any tangible monetary damage. Still, you may
suffer mental anguish. You may want to ask for help from the bank having an
account to which you are requested to remit your payment. The bank will
investigate your complain and may close the account. Reporting the account
number of a shady payee to a bank and soliciting their investigation is an
effective way to stop the fraudulent company from sending you any more fake
invoices.
読者からの投稿 ５（Lucca, 16 April 11）
Billing Fraud on
the Internet
Many people are
victimized by billing fraud on the Internet. They are threateningly claimed
payment of Internet sites that they never use by letters, e-mails and phone
calls. If they ignore bills, they don't have financial damages, but it remains
mental damages.
The bank could
check the account number and close this account if they report their damages to
a bank that has the account number of a billing fraud. The effective way to put a stop to
billing frauds is that they should inform the bank about the bank account
number to be used for the billing fraud.
添削
Billing Fraud Billing on the Internet
Many people are
victimized by billing fraud billing on the
Internet. The
victims1 They are threateninglyed to make
claimed
payment to
an of Internet sites that they have never used by letters, e-mails and phone calls. If they
ignore bills, they don't have any financial
damages, but may still suffer2 it remains mental damages.
The A bank
can could
check the account number of a fraud bill and close this account
if they a victim of such
a fraud reports his/her their
damages to
a bank that has the account number of a billing fraud. The An effective way to
put a stop to billing frauds billing is that they a victim should
informs
the bank about the bank account number to be used for the billing fraud billing.
コメント
英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、They are threateningly claimed payment of
Internet sites that they never use by letters, e-mails and phone calls. If they
ignore bills, they don't have financial damages, but it remains mental damages.
の内容がよくわかりません。
1. この文章にはいろいろな登場人物がいるので、代名詞を使わずに名詞で人物がすぐにわかるようにします。
2. この文の前半の主語がtheyですから、後半もこの主語にします。並列文のなかで主語を変えると内容がわかりにくくなります。
添削後の文章
Fraud Billing on the Internet
Many people are
victimized by fraud billing on the Internet. The victims are threatened to make
payment to an Internet site that they have never used by letters, e-mails and
phone calls. If they ignore bills, they don't have any financial damage but may
still suffer mental damage.
A bank can check
the account number of a fraud bill and close this account if a victim of such a
fraud reports his/her damage. An effective way to put a stop to fraud billing
is that a victim informs the bank about the bank account number to be used for
the fraud billing.
読者からの投稿 ４（Kalo, 19 December
10）
"Billing Fraud
Involving Internet Use”
Billing fraud cases
involving Internet use are rampant. Victims are forced by threatening mail,
e-mail or call to pay the bill for a website they don’t remember having
visited.
You can avoid
financial damage as long as you ignore such a bill but you may suffer mental
anguish. To prevent fraud billing, one of the measures you can take is to ask a
bank for cooperation. You can ask a bank to investigate the account you are
threatened to pay into. The bank will close the account if they find it is used
for billing fraud.
添削
"Billing Fraud
on the Involving
Internet Use”
Billing fraud cases involving on the Internet
use are is
rampant. Victims are sometimes forced into paying a fraudulent bill for a website
they don’t remember having visited1 by threatening mail,
e-mail or a
telephone call to pay the bill for a website they don’t remember
having visited.
You can avoid
financial damage as long as you ignore such a bill but you may suffer mental
anguish. To prevent billing fraud billing, one of the
measures you can take is to ask a bank which has an account2 where you are supposed
to send your payment to for cooperation. You can ask a The
bank can to
investigate the account you are threatened to pay into. The bank and
will
close it the account
down3 if
they find that
the account it is used for billing fraud.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. ここに入れた方がよいでしょう。
2. どのような銀行かを最初に説明したほうがよいでしょう。
3. The bank
investigates and closes it down.と続いたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。
添削後の文章
"Billing Fraud
on the Internet ”
Billing fraud on
the Internet is rampant. Victims are sometimes forced into paying a fraudulent
bill for a website they don’t remember having visited by threatening mail,
e-mail or a telephone call
You can avoid
financial damage as long as you ignore such a bill but you may suffer mental
anguish. To prevent billing fraud, you can ask the bank which has an account
where you are supposed to send your payment to. The bank can investigate the
account and close it down if they
find that the account is used for billing fraud.
読者からの投稿 ３（あすか、31 January 10）
"Online Bill
Fraud"
There seems to be no
end of online crimes where internet service companies send users the invoice
which charges unused internet site fees by mails and e-mails, or threats by
phone calls. If you ignored the bill, you would get rid of the payment but
cause emotional discomfort. If you claim the bank had transferred the account,
the bank will be investigated the account and may close it. To stop sending the
bill, you have to take some measures, such as calling the bank and notifying
the account number of the fraud company.
添削
"Online Bill
Fraudulent
Billing on the Internet"
There seems to be
no end of to internet online
crimes in
which you receive a bill by e-mail, letter or telephone from where
internet
service a companiesy on the
internet for its service which you
have never used send users the invoice which charges unused
internet site fees by mails and e-mails, or threats by phone calls.
If you ignored the bill, you don’t lose any money would get rid of
the payment but suffer some cause emotional discomfort.
If you inform
claim the bank to which you are supposed to send your
payment had transferred the account,
the bank will be investigated the account of this
fraudulent company and may close it. To stop the fraudulent company sending
a the
bill to
you, you have to take some measures, such as the above example calling the bank and notifying the account
number of the fraud company.
コメント
英文の内容に構文上の問題があり、内容がわかりません。いろいろな人、会社が文章の中に出てくるの、まずそれらの間の関係を理解、整理してから、英文で表現するとよいでしょう。インターネット上にサイトを持ちある種のサービスを提供している会社がある。あなたはこの会社から電子メール、葉書、電話で使った覚えのないサービス料金を請求される。これらの請求を無視しておけば、実害はない。架空請求を止める一つの方法は、この会社のサービス料金の支払い先に指定されている銀行口座を持つ銀行に電話して事情を説明することである。銀行はこの会社の内容を調査して、必要があれば口座を閉鎖する。
添削後の文章
" Fraudulent
Billing on the Internet"
There seems to be
no end to internet online crimes in which you receive a bill by e-mail, letter
or telephone from a company on the internet for its service which you have
never used. If you ignored the bill, you don’t lose any money but suffer some
emotional discomfort. If you inform the bank to which you are supposed to send
your payment, the bank will investigate the account of this fraudulent company
and may close it. To stop the fraudulent company send a bill to you, you have
to take some measures such as the above example .
読者からの投稿 ２（さくら、24 September 07）
“Billing fraud for
Internet Use”
Billing frauds
which force Internet users to pay access fees for web sites by mail, e-mail or
telephone continue to be sent. The users do not actually access to those web
sites. If you ignore those notices, you do not suffer from practical damage,
but you often get mental damage. When you report it to the bank whose account
criminals instruct to pay to, the bank will research the account owner and
close the account. To stop the billing fraud, it is effective to report the
account number to the bank and ask for any solutions.
添削
“Fraudulent Billing
fraud for
Internet Users”
Fraudulent Bbilling
frauds for unused
Internet web services which force Internet users to pay access fees for
web sites by mail, e-mail or telephone continues to be sent. The users do not
actually access to those web sites. If you ignore those the billing notices,
you do not suffer from any financial practical
damage, but you often get mental damage anguish. When you
report it to the bank whose account criminals the fraudster instructs you
to pay into,
the bank will research the account owner and close the account. To stop the such fraudulent billing
fraud,
it is effective to report the account number to the bank and ask for any solutions.
コメント
英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、キーセンテンスのBilling frauds which force Internet
users to pay access fees for web sites by mail, e-mail or telephone
continue to be sent.の意味がはっきりしません。下線部分が「ウェブへのアクセス料金を手紙、電子メール、電話で支払う」となります。このような意味になるのはbilling
fraudsのbillingが請求書という意味があり、billing continues
to be sent.と続くからです。you
often get mental damageは怖い話ですが、ではどうして精神障害になるのかな、と疑問が生じます。
添削後の文章
“Fraudulent Billing
for Internet Users”
Fraudulent billing
for unused Internet web services by mail, e-mail or telephone continues to be
sent. If you ignore the billing, you do not suffer any financial damage, but
you often get mental anguish. When you report it to the bank whose account the
fraudster instructs you to pay into, the bank will research the account owner
and close the account. To stop such fraudulent billing, it is effective to
report the account number to the bank.
読者からの投稿 １（ケン、15 Sept 03）
“Fake Invoices on
the Internet”
Fake invoices for
unused services are still prevalent on the Internet. Some fake invoices are
sent to people by regular mail and e-mail with threatening contents. If
receivers of such fake invoice ignore them, they can avoid any financial
damage. But they suffer mentally. When the invoice has a bank account for
payment, people can contact the bank with which the account is registered. The
bank can investigate and may close the account. This is an effective way of
stopping the sender of the fake invoice send any further invoice.
添削
“Fake Invoices on
the Internet”
Fake invoices for
unused services are still prevalent on the Internet. Some fake invoices are
sent to people by regular mail and e-mail with threatening contents1.
If rReceivers
of such fake invoices can ignore them, they can and
avoid any financial damages2. Bbut
they suffer mentally mental anguish.
When the invoice has a bank account for payment, people can contact the bank
with which
the account number is registered3.
The bank can investigate and may close the account. This is an effective way of
stopping the sender of the fake invoice from sending
any further invoices.
コメント
1. ケンさんは「ネットのサイト利用料など使った覚えがないインターネットのサイト利用料などの支払いを、はがきやメール、電話などで脅迫的に要求される「架空請求」の被害が後を絶たない。」を日本文の構造のとらわれずに内容を整理して上手に英文で表現しています。「架空請求」を主語にして文を簡明にしています。
2. 「無視すれば金銭面での実害はない。」は「もし～すれば、～である。」の英文の形もつかえますが、添削のようにすると内容が強く表現できます。
3. 添削のように省略できます。
添削後の文章
“Fake Invoices on
the Internet”
Fake invoices for
unused services are still prevalent on the Internet. Some fake invoices are
sent to people by regular mail and e-mail with threatening contents. Receivers
of such fake invoices can ignore them and avoid any financial damages but they
suffer mental anguish. When the
invoice has a bank account for payment, people can contact the bank with the
account number. The bank can investigate and may close the account. This is an
effective way of stopping the sender of the fake invoice from sending any
further invoices.
国民年金保険料の納付率が過去最悪となった問題で社会保険庁は１４日までに、所得や財産があるにもかかわらず保険料を納めない悪質な未納者約１万人をリストアップして強制徴収に乗り出す方針を決めた。９月にも全国の社会保険事務局にリスト作成を指示。最終的な督促にも応じない場合は、預貯金などの差し押さえ手続きに入る構えだ。差し押さえの実施は来年になるとみられる。
読者からの投稿 ５（mxtomi, 4 March 12）
"Compulsory
Collection of National Pension Premiums”
In the wake of
record low collection rate of the national pension premiums, the Social
Insurance Agency has decided on August 14 to embark on compulsory collection of
the premiums from about 10 thousand gross delinquents who are not paying in
spite of being able to. The agency is going to instruct all its local offices
to prepare the lists of deadbeats as early as September. Should those on the
blacklist ignore the final demand for payment, the agency will immediately go
through the procedure for garnishing their liquid assets. The procedure
including the garnishment will be enforced next year.
添削
"Compulsory
Collection of National Pension Premiums”
In the wake of record
low collection rate of the national pension premiums, the Social Insurance
Agency has decided on August 14 to embark on compulsory collection of the
premiums from about 10 thousand gross delinquents who are not paying in spite
of being able to. The agency is going to instruct all its local offices to
prepare the lists of deadbeats as early as September. Should those on the
blacklist ignore the final demand for payment, the agency will immediately go
through the procedure for garnishing their liquid assets. The procedure
including the garnishment will be enforced next year.
コメント
内容の総てがわかります。添削箇所はありません。
読者からの投稿 ４（Lucca, 20 April 11）
National Pension
Insurance is Collected by Force
The rate of national
pension payment reached the lowest record. Following this problem, the Social
Insurance Agency announced the plan to ensure full payment from people who
haven't paid for the national pension insurance intentionally although they
have stable source of income and their property.
This September, the
Agency gives instruction to the social insurance offices nationwide to make a
list of ten thousand people who haven't paid for the national pension
insurance. Then each insurance office urges the pension insurance payment to
listed people. If some people still refuse or ignore the payment until the last
minute, the office informs their bank and goes through procedure to attach
their assets such as the deposit. Their assets will be in foreclosure next year.
添削
National Pension Insurance Premiums1 are is
Collected by Force
The rate of people paying in
the national pension premiums payment has reached
the lowest record. To overcome Following this
problem, the Social Insurance Agency announced a the plan to ensure
full payment from people who haven't paid for the national
pension insurance
premiums intentionally although they
have stable sources of income and financial assets their property.
This September, the
Agency will
gives an instruction to the
social insurance offices nationwide to make a list of ten thousand people who
haven't paid for the national pension insurance premiums.
Then each insurance office will urges those on the list to pay2 their the
pension insurance
premiums payment to listed people.
If they some people
still refuse or ignore their payments until the last minute,
the office informs their banks and goes through the procedure to garnishee attach
their assets such as their deposits. This last procedure of garnisheeing Ttheir
assets will be put into practice in foreclosure next
year.
コメント
英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、The rate of national pension payment reached
the lowest record.とthe
office informs their bank and goes through procedure to attach their assets
such as the deposit. Their assets will be in foreclosure next year. のところがわかりません。
1. 保険料は一般的にa premiumといいます。
2. I urge
you to take my advice.という形になります。
添削後の文章
National Pension
Premiums are Collected by Force
The rate of people paying
in the national pension premiums has reached the lowest record. To overcome
this problem, the Social Insurance Agency announced a plan to ensure full
payment from people who haven't paid the national pension premiums
intentionally although they have stable sources of income and financial
assets.
This September, the
Agency will give an instruction to the social insurance offices nationwide to
make a list of ten thousand people who haven't paid the national pension premiums. Then each insurance office
will urge those on the list to pay their pension premiums. If they still refuse
or ignore their payments, the office informs their banks and goes through the
procedure to garnishee their assets such as their deposits. This last procedure
of garnisheeing their assets will be put into practice next year.
読者からの投稿 ３（さくら、27 September 07）
“Compulsory
Collection of National Pension Premiums”
The Social
Insurance Agency decided on 14th that it would start to collect the national
pension premiums compulsorily from about ten thousand people who were listed as
malicious cases because they had not paid premiums even though they afforded to
pay it. This year, the payment rate of the national pension premiums has become
the worst level in the past. In September the agency is going to instruct to
all its insurance offices across the country to list up citizens who do not pay
the premiums. The agency will not hesitate to order for attachment of saving
money of those who refuse to pay premiums against the final calls. The
implementation of the attachment will start next year.
添削
“Compulsory
Collection of National Pension Premiums”
The Social
Insurance Agency has decided on the14th that it would
start to collect the national pension premiums compulsorily from about ten
thousand people who were listed as malicious cases because they had not paid their premiums
even though they could afforded to pay it them.
This year, the payment collection rate of
the national pension premiums has become reached the worst
level in the
past. In September the aAgency is going to
instruct to
all its insurance offices across the country to list up citizens
who have do
not pay paid their
premiums. The aAgency will not
hesitate to garnishee
their order for attachment of savings money of those
who if they refuse to pay their premiums
after against
the final calls notices.
The implementation of this new policy the attachment will
start next year.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。attachmentに法律用語で「差し押さえ」という意味があるのを知りませんでした。もう少し一般的なgarnisheeを使いました。the payment rate of the national pension premiumsは文脈から「納付率」のことだろうと推測できますが、保険料の割合、というように解釈できるので紛らわしいです。
添削後の文章
“Compulsory
Collection of National Pension Premiums”
The Social
Insurance Agency has decided on the14th that it would start to collect the national
pension premiums compulsorily from about ten thousand people who were listed as
malicious cases because they had not paid their premiums even though they could
afford to pay them. This year, the collection rate of the national pension
premiums has reached the worst level. In September the Agency is going to
instruct all its insurance offices across the country to list up citizens who
have not paid their premiums. The Agency will not hesitate to garnishee their
savings if they refuse to pay their premiums after the final notices. The
implementation of this new policy will start next year.
読者からの投稿 ２（Kalo, 17 June 07）
Compulsory
Collection of National Pension Premiums
The Social
Insurance Agency plans to enforce compulsory collection from malicious
delinquents in an effort to cope with the record-high rate of unpaid national
pension premiums. The agency will call on local social insurance offices as
early as September to list some 10,000 malicious delinquents who don't pay
their national pension premiums although they can afford to. The agency also
plans to seize assets from delinquents on the list who ignore the final notice
of payment. But the plan is unlikely to put into practice within this year.
添削
Compulsory
Collection of National Pension Premiums
The Social
Insurance Agency plans to enforce compulsory collection of National Pension Plan premiums1 from on2 malicious
delinquents in an effort to cope with the record-high rate of unpaid national
pension premiums. The agency will call on local social insurance offices as
early as September3 to list some 10,000 malicious delinquents who
don't pay their national pension premiums although they can afford to and start
strongly urge them to pay their premiums. If the final
notice of payment is ignored4, Tthe agency also
plans to seize their assets from delinquents on
the list who ignore the final notice of payment. But this final
measure for collecting premiums the plan is unlikely
to put into practice within this year.
コメント
1. タイトルにNational Pension
Plan premiumsと入っていますが、本文にも入れたほうがよいでしょう。
2. enforce
compulsory collection of premiums on delinquents, enforce compulsory payment of
premiums from delinquents となります。collectionとpaymentと動作の主体が違いますね。
3. 問題に日付を正確に入れるのを忘れましたが、２００３年８月の新聞記事に基づいた問題でした。当時、国民年金保険料の未納問題が浮上して、有力閣僚まで保険料を払うのを忘れていた、ということでした。
4. 強制徴収がどのような手段をとるのか覚えていませんが、預貯金などの差し押さえが最後の手段だったと思います。seize
their assetsとすると不動産の含めた差し押さえですが、預貯金の差し押さえならばseize
their savingsになります。
添削後の文章
Compulsory
Collection of National Pension Premiums
The Social Insurance
Agency plans to enforce compulsory collection of National Pension Plan premiums
on malicious delinquents in an effort to cope with the record-high rate of
unpaid national pension premiums. The agency will call on local social
insurance offices as early as September to list some 10,000 malicious
delinquents who don't pay their national pension premiums although they can
afford to and start strongly urge them to pay their premiums. If the final
notice of payment is ignored, the agency plans to seize their assets. But this
final measure for collecting premiums is unlikely to put into practice within
this year.
読者からの投稿 １（TOMOKO, 4 Aug 03）
Forcibly Collecting
“National Pension Premiums”
On August 14, 2003,
the Social Insurance Agency finalized a policy in which the agency will list
approximately 10,000 vicious people, who have failed to pay the national
pension premiums although they have incomes or property, and then collect the
premiums forcibly from them as a countermeasure against the worst nonpayment
ratio. The agency is directing social insurance offices throughout Japan to
make up the lists as early as September. If they continue ignoring even the
final reminder, the agency intends to seize their deposits and savings, or
others. The seizure is expected to be carried out next year.
添削
Forcibly Collecting “Compulsory
Collection of1 “National Pension Plan Premiums”
On August 142,
2003, the Social Insurance Agency finalized a new policy in which that3
the aAgency4
will would5 list
approximately 10,000 vicious people, who have had failed
to pay the national pension premiums
although they have had incomes
or and
property assets6,
and then
collect the premiums. forcibly from them The new
policy will be adopted7 as a countermeasure against the
worst non-payment
ratio that the Agency has
encountered. The aAgency is directing
social insurance offices throughout Japan to make up the a lists
as early as September. If they those on the list8 continue
ignoring
to ignore even the final
reminder, the aAgency intends to
seize their deposits and savings., or others9. But Tthe
seizure is expected to be carried out next year.
コメント
TOMOKOさんは日本文の内容を丁寧に英文で表現しています。投稿のままでも内容はよくわかります。添削は投稿をすこし読みやすくしました。
1. 動詞を使って見出しをつけるのはよいアイディアですが、Forcibly
collecting…というのが少し語感が良くないように思えるので、クラシックにCompulsory
Collection of National Pension Premiumsとしました。
2. 日本文の「１４日までに」はよく考えると何を１４日までにするのか不明ですね。
3. That以下がこのあららしい方針の内容になります。
4. the
agency でも良いですが、The
Social Insurance Agency を略してthe Agencyと表現する方法があります。The Social
Insurance Agency (SCI)としてthe SCI または単にSCIとする方法もあります。
5. 動詞の時制の一致の問題ですが、発表したのは過去でも実際に方針を実地するのは未来なのでwillとする使い方も現在ではありますが、ここでは時制の一致に従ってwouldにしました。Viciousは「乱暴で冷酷な」という意味合いが強く「ずるい」という感じから遠いので省きました。この文章な後半でどんな人たちか説明してあるので単にpeopleでよいと思います。
6. 収入と財産の財産は銀行貯金、郵便貯金などのことだとおもいますから、assetsのほうがよいとおもいます。Propertyは不動産の意味になります。
7. 文が長くなるのでここ切って新しい文にしました。
8. They の指す人たちと離れていることと、The Agencyで働く人たちもtheyですから、ここではthose (who are) on
the list と明確にしました。
9. 日本文では「預貯金などの」となっていて「その他」のものがあるような印象ですが、なんだかわからないので英文では省いてよいと思います。
添削後の文章
“Compulsory
Collection of National Pension Premiums”
On August 14, 2003,
the Social Insurance Agency finalized a new policy that the Agency would list
approximately 10,000 people who had failed to pay the premium although they had
income and assets and collect the premium. The new policy will be adopted as a
countermeasure against the worst non-payment ratio that the Agency has
encountered. The Agency is directing social insurance offices throughout Japan
to make up a list as early as September. If those on the list continue to
ignore the final reminder, the Agency intends to seize their deposits and
savings. But the seizure is expected to be carried out next year.
香川県琴平町のタクシー会社が、うどんの有名店巡りを担当する専門ドライバーを独自に養成、８月１５日から「うどんタクシー」として営業する。観光客からの要望に応えたもので、景気の冷え込んでいる中、うどんブームが生んだ新たな需要に期待が高まっている。
読者からの投稿 ６（mxtomi, 12 March 12）
"The Udon
Taxi”
On August 15, a
taxi company at Kotohira Town in Kagawa Prefecture will launch a new service,
called “udon taxi” whereby drivers specially trained in-house take tourists to
popular udon restaurants in the town, concurrently servicing as tour guides.
This is to accommodate increasing requests from tourists. Amid the ongoing
economic slump, the town of Kotohira, and the taxi company as well are raising
their expectations for the new business opportunity created by the udon boom.
添削
"The Udon
Taxi”
On August 15, a
taxi company at in Kotohira Town,
in
Kagawa Prefecture will launch a new service, called “udon taxi” whereby drivers
specially trained in-house take tourists to popular udon (Japanese noodle soup)1 restaurants
in the town, concurrently servicing as tour guides. This is to accommodate
increasing requests from tourists, reflecting the current udon boom.
Amid the ongoing economic slump, the tTown of Kotohira,
and the taxi company as well are raising their expectations
for the new business opportunity created by the udon boom.
コメント
内容の総てがわかります。
1. 私の町（人口110万）のスーパーにはいろいろインスタントラーメン（米国製、カナダ製、韓国製、日本製）があふれていますが、うどんは乾麺、冷凍麺、生麺がアジア製品のスーパーにおいてあるだけで、まだ日常食品として消費者に浸透していません。インスタントラーメンは一般的にはinstant
noodle soupとよばれ、他のスープ類と同じところに置いてあります。スープとはいうものの野菜サラダの上に乾いたままのインスタントラーメンを手でほぐして混ぜる、という食べ方のあります。というわけで、北米ではudonはまだ広く認識された日本語ではないでしょう。
添削後の文章
"The Udon
Taxi”
On August 15, a
taxi company in Kotohira Town, Kagawa Prefecture will launch a new service,
called “udon taxi” whereby drivers specially trained in-house take tourists to
popular udon (Japanese noodle soup) restaurants in the town, concurrently servicing
as tour guides. This is to accommodate increasing requests from tourists,
reflecting the current udon boom. Amid the ongoing economic slump, the Town of
Kotohira and the taxi company are raising their expectations for the new
business opportunity created by the udon boom.
読者からの投稿 ５（Lucca, 22 April 11）
The Udon Taxi
A taxi company in Kotohira
Town in Kanagawa Prefecture has trained its special drivers so that they can
start a new service called "Udon Taxies" from August 15. Udon
taxies are that the special trained drivers are in charge of making a tour of
famous udon noodle restaurants in Kotohira Town. The new service is to meet
visitor's request. The taxi company is expecting to create new demand by a
recent udon boom during the economy recession.
添削
The Udon Taxi
A taxi company in
Kotohira Town in Kanagawa Prefecture has trained its special 1 drivers
so that they can start a new service called "Udon Taxies" from on2 August
15. The
special drivers of Udon taxies3 are that the special trained
drivers are in charge of making taking customers to a
tour of famous udon noodle restaurants in Kotohira Town. The new service is to
meet requests
of visitor's to the town request.
The taxi company is expecting to create new demand for its services by the a
recent udon boom to fight during the current economy economic recession.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. trained
its special driversとすると「会社の運転手の中の特別な人たちを訓練した」となります。trained
special drivers for the Udon driversとすれば、「うどんタクシーのために特別な運転手を訓練した」となります。itsがあるかないかで意味が違ってきます。
2. start
something on August 15となります。
3. 運転手を主語にすると文構造が簡単になります。
添削後の文章
The Udon Taxi
A taxi company in
Kotohira Town in Kanagawa Prefecture has trained its drivers so that they can
start a new service called "Udon Taxies" on August 15. The special drivers
of Udon taxies are in charge of taking customers to a tour of famous udon
noodle restaurants in Kotohira Town. The new service is to meet requests of
visitors to the town. The taxi company is expecting to create new demand for
its services by the recent udon boom to fight the current economic recession.
読者からの投稿 ４（Kalo, 21 December
10）
"Udon Taxi”
A taxi company in
Kotohira-cho, Kagawa Prefecture, is starting a new service called “Udon taxi”.
Udon, a noodle soup, is a local specialty in the prefecture and so far the
company has hold training courses for its drivers so that they can learn more
about Udon. The drivers will serve as a tour guide and introduce you to popular
Udon restaurants in the town. This service will start in response to tourist’s
requests. Taking advantage of the current Udon popularity, Udon taxi is
expected to create a new demand for tourists in the tough economic time.
添削
"Udon Taxies1”
A taxi company in Kotohira-cho,
Kagawa Prefecture, is starting a new service called “Udon taxi”. Udon, a noodle
soup, is a local specialty in the prefecture. and so far tThe
taxi company
has been
offering hold a training courses
for its drivers so that they can learn more about Udon. The drivers will serve
as a tour
guides
and introduce you to popular Udon restaurants in the town. This service will
start in response to tourist’s requests. Taking advantage of the current Udon
popularity, Udon taxies are is expected to create
a new demand for Udon2 in the tough
economic time.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかります。
1. サービスはUdon service、このサービスを提供するタクシーは複数にしてUton
taxiesがよいでしょう。
2. a new
demand for Udon, a new supply of touristsとなります。
添削後の文章
"Udon Taxies”
A taxi company in Kotohira-cho,
Kagawa Prefecture, is starting a new service called “Udon taxi”. Udon, a noodle
soup, is a local specialty in the prefecture. The taxi company has been
offering a training course for its drivers so that they can learn more about
Udon. The drivers will serve as tour guides and introduce you to popular Udon
restaurants in the town. This service will start in response to tourist’s
requests. Taking advantage of the current Udon popularity, Udon taxies are
expected to create a new demand for Udon in the tough economic time.
読者からの投稿 ４（P&C, 15 July 08）
"The Udon
Noodles Taxi"
A taxi company at
Kotohira Town in Kagawa Prefecture has trained on its own special taxi drivers
who can guide visitors to famous shops of udon noodles. From August 15, the company
starts the service "the udon noodles taxi" in response to needs of
visitors who want to eat delicious udon noodles. Business has been poor at the
carrier of taxi. The company is going to ride on the rising wave of new demand
for udon in the udon noodles boom.
添削
"The Udon
Noodles Taxi"
A taxi company at
Kotohira Town in Kagawa Prefecture has trained on some of its
own
special
taxi drivers so that they who can guide
visitors to famous shops of udon noodles restaurants in
the town. On From August 15, the
company will
starts the this
service called
"the udon noodles taxi" in response to needs the requests of
visitors who want to eat delicious udon noodles. Because of the current economic
recession, Bbusiness has been
poor for at the carrier of taxi taxi services
in the town. The company is going to ride on the rising
wave of new
demand for udon in the current udon noodles
boom1.
コメント
内容の総てがわかります。
1. 「景気の冷え込んでいる中、うどんブームが生んだ新たな需要に期待が高まっている。」をP&Cさんは「タクシー業界の景気が冷え込んでいる」と解釈していますが、「地域経済全体が冷え込んでいるので、うどんブームを起爆剤にして町の景気を回復させたい。」という解釈もできます。
添削後の文章
A taxi company at
Kotohira Town in Kagawa Prefecture has trained some of its drivers so that they
can guide visitors to famous udon noodles restaurants in the town. On August
15, the company will start this service called "the udon noodles
taxi" in response to the requests of visitors who want to eat delicious
udon noodles. Because of the current economic recession, business has been poor
for taxi services in the town. The company is going to ride on the wave of the
current udon noodles boom.
読者からの投稿 ３（さくら、28 September 07）
“Taxi for a Famous
Needle shops tour”
A taxi company in
Kotohira Town in Kagawa Prefecture will start a new business called “Taxi for a
needle shops tour” on August 15th, which taxi drivers guide the visitors to the
famous needle shops. The taxi company nurtures the drivers who are familiar
with those needle shops. This attempt is made to meet the requests from the
visitors. With the recent economic recession, the local people expect new
business opportunities raised by a needle boom.
添削
“Taxi for a Famous Needle Noodle shops Restaurant tTour”
A taxi company in
Kotohira Town in Kagawa Prefecture will start a new business called “Ttaxi
for a needle
noodle shops restaurant tour”
on August 15th, by which taxi drivers guide the visitors
to the famous
needle noodle
restaurants shops in the town. The
taxi company nurtures the drivers who are familiar with those needle noodle
restaurants shops. This attempt service is
made
to meet the requests from the visitors. In With
the current
recent1 economic recession,
the local
people expect
hope2 that the noodle boom creates new
business opportunities for the town raised by a needle boom.
コメント
英文の内容の総てがわかりますが、琴平町が針の生産で有名だとは知りませんでした。日本文の内容に合わせて添削しました。
1. この記事の時期にはまだ不況ですから、in the current
economic recessionになります。
2. 新たな需要が起こる可能性が高ければ expectですが、新たな需要が起こって欲しい、ならhopeです。
添削後の文章
“Taxi for a Famous
Noodle Restaurant Tour”
A taxi company in
Kotohira Town in Kagawa Prefecture will start a new business called “taxi for a
noodle restaurant tour” on August 15th, by which taxi drivers guide visitors to
famous noodle restaurants in the town. The taxi company nurtures the drivers
who are familiar with those noodle restaurants. This service is to meet the
requests from visitors. In the current economic recession, local people hope
that the noodle boom creates new business opportunities for the town .
読者からの投稿 ２（あすか、24 Aug 07）
"Udon
Taxi"
A taxi company at Kotohira,
Kagawa Prefecture, will start a tour of famous udon restaurants (Japanese thick
wheat noodles) from August 15. The drivers in charge of the "udon
taxis" are taking a training of the tour of the original way of the
company. This tour was brought by the tourists' request.
During a cooling
down of the economy, the town of Kotohira are hoping that the new business what
is called "udon taxi" will bring about a greater success with the
udon boom.
添削
"Udon Taxis"
On August 15, Aa taxi
company at Kotohira, Kagawa Prefecture, will start a new service to take customers tour of to
famous udon restaurants2 (Japanese thick wheat noodles soup3)
in the
town on from August 15. The
drivers in charge of the "udon taxis" are taking a special training
in
familiarizing themselves with the udon restaurants. of the tour of
the original way of the company1. This tour services is to respond to
popular requests by was brought by the tourists' request.
During In spite of the
current economic recession4, a cooling down of the economy,
the tTown
of Kotohira are
hopes hoping that the new business
what is called "udon taxi" will bring in more tourists
to the town by taking advantage of about a greater success with
the udon boom.
コメント
1. 英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、The drivers in
charge of the "udon taxis" are taking a training of the tour of
the original way of the company.の下線部分の意味がわかりません。
2. 投稿のままですと、どうしてタクシー会社がうどん店を回って歩くのかな、と思うので、a
service to take customers to udon restaurantsとするとよいでしょう。
3. 北米では汁に入った麺類をnoodle soupと呼んでいます。日本では汁の中のうどんに注目しますが、このような料理の少ない北米では、一番近いものが「具の入ったスープ」でスープのほうに重点が行くのが面白いですね。
4. 「景気の冷え込んでいる中、うどんブームが生んだ新たな需要に期待が高まっている。」は「現在景気は冷え込んでいる。」、「現在、うどんブームが起こっている。」、「うどんタクシーは観光客を呼ぶ。」の三つの内容を含んでいます。どのようにすると、この三つの要素を論理的につなぐ事が出来るか、が問題です。
添削後の文章
"Udon
Taxis"
On August 15, a
taxi company at Kotohira, Kagawa Prefecture, will start a new service to take
customers to famous udon restaurants (Japanese thick wheat noodle soup) in the
town. The drivers in charge of the "udon taxi" are taking a special
training in familiarizing themselves with the udon restaurants. This services
is to respond to popular requests by
tourists.
In spite of the
current economic recession, the Town of Kotohira hopes that the "udon
taxi" will bring in more tourists to the town by taking advantage of the
udon boom.
読者からの投稿 １（Linda, 23 Sept 03）
“Udon Taxis”
On August 15, a
taxi company at Kotohira, Kagawa Prefecture, will start “Udon taxi” services. The
taxi drivers at the company will be briefed on famous Udon restaurants in the
town and can take tourists to those stores if requested. The company hopes to
take advantage of the Udon boom in spite of the current economic recession.
添削
“Udon Taxis”
On August 15, a taxi company at Kotohira, Kagawa Prefecture, will
start “Udon taxi” services1. The taxi drivers at the company will be
briefed on famous Udon udon2 restaurants
in the town and can take tourists to those stores restaurants if
requested. The company hopes to take advantage of the Udon udon boom
in spite of the current economic recession.
添削
1. 日本文の内容は、まず専門ドライバーを養成してから、うどんタクシーを８月１５日に開始する、ですが、英文ではLindaさんのように順序を入れ替えてたほうが内容の印象が強くなります。
2. うどんはudonと小文字で書きます。英語圏の読者がうどんを知っていることを前提にしています。うどんの説明が必要なときにはudon
(Japanese wheat noodle)とします。他にsoba
(Japanese buckwheat noodle), ramen (Japanese-style Chinese noodle soup) などもあります。 かけうどん、かけそば、ラーメンのようにスープにめんの入ったものはnoodle
soupといいます。
私の友人で香港育ちの中国人で日本料理が好きな人がハワイに観光に行きました。「ハワイは日本料理店が多くて良かった。」というので「何が一番好きだった？」と訊ねると「らめんが安くておいしかった。」といいました。友人にはラーメンは日本料理のようです。
添削後の文章
“Udon Taxis”
On August 15, a
taxi company at Kotohira, Kagawa Prefecture, will start “Udon taxi” services.
The taxi drivers at the company will be briefed on famous udon restaurants in
the town and can take tourists to those restaurants if requested. The company
hopes to take advantage of the udon boom in spite of the current economic
recession.