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中級練習問題の添削 61-70


中級問題 61 「線路から消えた老女」(28 Aug 03) (13 Aug 07) (25 Aug 07) (26 Nov 08)

(4 Nov 10) (5 April 11) (16 Feb 12)
中級問題 62 「町内を無線LANで接続」(28 Aug 03) (21 Aug 07) (27 Aug 07)

(5 Nov 10) (8 April 11) (21 Feb 12)
中級問題 63 「サーファーが海岸のごみ掃除」(28 Aug 03) (13 Feb 07) (29 Aug 07)

(7 Nov 10) (8 April 11) (22 Feb 12)           
中級問題 64 「図書館の日本の戦争コーナーを設置」(18 Sept 03) (4 Dec 06) (7 Sept 07)

(1 Feb 09) (7 Nov 10) (12 April 11) (22 Feb 12)
中級問題 65 「青色ダイオードの集魚灯」(9 Sept 03) (9 Sept 07) (5 Feb 09) (7 Nov 10)

(12 April 11) (27 Feb 12)

中級問題 66 「屋上緑化の問題点」(15 Sept 03) (11 Sept 07) (6 Feb 09) (11 Nov 10)

(15 April 11) (27 Feb 12)

中級問題 66B 「廃棄炭鉱の火事(12 Sept 07) (14 Feb 09) (14 Dec 10) (15 April 11)

(29 Feb 12)
中級問題 67 「浅間山の噴火」(23 Sept 03) (20 Sept 07) (21 Dec 10) (16 April 11)

(4 March 12)
中級問題 68 「インターネットの架空請求」(15 Sept 03) (24 Sept 07) (31 Jan 10)

(19 Dec 10) (16 April 11) (4 March 12)
中級問題 69 「国民年金保険料の強制徴収」(4 Sept 03) (17 June 07) (27 Sept 07)

(20 April 11) (4 March 12)
中級問題 70 「うどんタクシー」(23 Sept 23) (24 Aug 07) (28 Sept 07) (15 July 08)

(21 Dec 10) (22 April 11) (12 March 12)

中級問題 61 「線路から消えた老女」

 

8月12日午後1時40分ごろ、東北線清水川−狩場沢間を走行していた回送列車(六両編成)の運転士が、前方の線路内にリュックサックを背負った老女がいるのに気付き、急ブレーキをかけて停止した。運転士は「接触したかもしれない」と感じ警察に連絡、救急車も手配したが、周辺をいくら捜しても、老女の姿はなく、車両にも接触した形跡はなかった。

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 16 February 12

 

"Old Woman Disappearing from Railway”

 

Around 1:40 on the afternoon of August 12, the train driver of a six-car out-of-service train running between Shimizukawa and Karibasawa on the Tohoku Line slammed on the brakes, as he found an old woman wearing a backpack on the tracks ahead. Thinking that the train might have hit her, the driver called the police and an ambulance. Strangely, despite their thorough search of the area around, no trace of the woman was found. There were no signs of physical contact on the train either.

 

添削

 

"An Old Woman Disappearing from the Railway”

 

Around 1:40 on the afternoon of August 12, the train driver of a six-car out-of-service train running between Shimizukawa and Karibasawa on the Tohoku Line slammed on the brakes, as he found an old woman wearing a backpack on the railway tracks ahead. Thinking that the train might have hit her, the driver called the police and an ambulance. Strangely, despite their thorough search of the area around, no trace of the woman was found. There were no signs of physical contact on the train either.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。わかりやすい物語の構成です。

 

添削後の文章

 

"An Old Woman Disappear from the Railway”

 

Around 1:40 on the afternoon of August 12, the train driver of a six-car out-of-service train running between Shimizukawa and Karibasawa on the Tohoku Line slammed on the brake, as he found an old woman wearing a backpack on the railway track ahead. Thinking that the train might have hit her, the driver called the police and an ambulance. Strangely, despite their thorough search of the area around, no trace of the woman was found. There were no signs of physical contact on the train either.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(Lucca, 5 April 11

 

An old woman disappeared from the track

 

At 13:40 on August 12, While a train driver was operating a deadhead train (seven-car train) between Kiyomizugawa and karibazaki on Tohoku line, the driver found an old woman who shouldered her bag in front in the track and stopped the train in a hurry. The driver called the police and an ambulance because the driver was feeling he might give her injuries. But strangely the old woman was not there even though the police and the driver looked for her around there. The train did not leave any scars in this accident.

 

添削

 

An old woman disappeared from the railway track1

 

At 13:40 on August 12, While a train driver was operating a deadhead train (a seven-car train) between Kiyomizugawa and kKaribazaki on the Tohoku line., Suddenly2, the driver found an old woman with who a shouldered her bag on the track in front in the track and stopped the train in a hurry. The driver called the police and an ambulance because the he thought the train hit her3 driver was feeling he might give her injuries. But strangely the old woman was not found anywhere there even though the police and the driver looked for her carefully around there. The train did not have leave any dent either scars in this accident.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       英文には「〜」という記号は無いので “ ~”とするか、またはAn Old Woman Disappeared from the Railway Trackとします。

 

2.       前の文のwhileをとって独立の文にしたので、ここでは前の文とのつながりをつけるためにSuddenlyと文を始めました。

 

3.       日本語の表現に捕らわれずに、内容を簡単に表現するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

”An old woman disappeared from the railway track”

 

At 13:40 on August 12, a train driver was operating a deadhead train (a seven-car train) between Kiyomizugawa and Karibazaki on the Tohoku line. Suddenly, the driver found an old woman with a shoulder bag on the track and stopped the train in a hurry. The driver called the police and an ambulance because he thought the train hit her. But strangely the old woman was not found anywhere though the police and the driver looked for her carefully around. The train did not have any dent either.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Kalo, 4 November 10

 

"An Old Woman Disappeared from the Railroad Track”

 

Around at 1:40 p.m. on August 12, a train made an emergency stop because the train driver found an old lady with a backpack on her back on the railroad track. The six-car train was out-of-service, running between Shimizugawa and Karibasawa on the Tohoku Line. The train driver thought that the train might have hit the woman, so he called the police and an ambulance. They searched for her around the railroad track but couldn’t find out her. Also, there was even no trace of bump on the train.

 

添削

 

"An Old Woman Disappeared from the Railroad Track”

 

Around at 1:40 p.m. on August 12, a train made an emergency stop between Shimizugawa and Karibasawa on the Tohoku Line because the train driver found an old lady with a backpack on her back on the railroad track. The six-car train was out-of-service at that time., running between Shimizugawa and Karibasawa on the Tohoku Line. The train driver thought that the train might have hit the woman, so he and called the police and an ambulance. They searched for her around the railroad track together1 but couldn’t find her out her. Also, tThere was even no trace of bump on the train either.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       togetherを入れるとtheyが誰だかわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"An Old Woman Disappeared from the Railroad Track”

 

Around at 1:40 p.m. on August 12, a train made an emergency stop between Shimizugawa and Karibasawa on the Tohoku Line because the train driver found an old lady with a backpack on her back on the railroad track. The six-car train was out-of-service at that time.. The train driver thought that the train might have hit the woman and called the police and an ambulance. They searched for her around the railroad track together but couldn’t find her out. There was no trace of bump on the train either.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(つぶあんこ、26 November 08

 

An old woman who disappears out of the railway track

 

Around 1:40 pm, on August twelve, a railway driver found ahead an old woman carrying a rucksack on her back on the railway track. So he suddenly stopped the off-duty train (the six coach train) running between Kiyokawa River Station and Karibazawa Station on the Tohoku line. The driver supposed that he might have hit the woman and called the police and even an ambulance. But there was no trace of the woman around there no matter how hard he tried to find. And even there was no scratch on the train as well.

 

添削

 

An old woman who disappears from out of the railway track

 

Around 1:40 pm, on August twelve twelfth , a railway train driver found ahead an old woman carrying a rucksack on her back on the railway track. So he suddenly immediately stopped his the off-duty train (the six coach train) running between Kiyokawa River Station and Karibazawa Station on the Tohoku line1. The driver supposed was afraid that he might have hit the woman and called the police and even an ambulance. They searched for the woman together. But there was no trace of the woman anywhere around there no matter how hard they he tried to find her. And even there was no scratch on the train either as well.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       日本文の最初の長い文の内容をどのように英文で整理したらよいか、が問題ですね。事件を時間を追って記述して、Around 1:40 pm on August 12, a train driver was running an off-duty train between Kiyokawa River Station and Karibazawa Station on the Tohoku line. All of a sudden, he saw an old woman with a rucksack on her back standing on the railway track and immediately stopped the train. とするか、「つぶあんこ」さんのような順序にするか選択があります。状況を説明してから事件を記述するか、事件を最初に記述してから状況を説明するかです。どちらかわかりやすいかは、それぞれの状況によるでしょう。この例題ではどちらだと思いますか?

 

添削後の文章

 

An old woman disappears from the railway track

 

Around 1:40 pm, on August twelfth, a train driver found an old woman carrying a rucksack on her back on the railway track. So he immediately stopped his off-duty train (the six coach train) running between Kiyokawa River Station and Karibazawa Station on the Tohoku line. The driver was afraid that he might have hit the woman and called the police and even an ambulance. They searched for the woman together. But there was no trace of the woman anywhere no matter how hard they tried to find her. And there was no scratch on the train either.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(さくら、25 Aug 07

 

“Old Woman Disappeared from the Railroad”

 

Around 1:40 p.m. on August 12, the driver of an off-duty train (with six carriages) running  between Simizugawa and Karibazawa on Tohoku Line noticed that there was an old woman carrying the rucksack on her shoulders on the railroad ahead and immediately braked to let the train stop. The driver thought “the train must have hit her” and reported to the police and called an ambulance. They searched the area but found no trace of the woman. They could not find any mark of bump on the train, either.

 

添削

 

An Old Woman Disappeared from the Railroad”

 

Around 1:40 p.m. on August 12, the driver of an off-duty train (with six carriages) running  between Simizugawa and Karibazawa on the Tohoku Line noticed that there was an old woman carrying the a rucksack on her shoulders on the railroad ahead and immediately braked to let the train to stop. The driver thought,the train I2 must have hit her,” and reported called to the police and called an ambulance. They searched the area but found no trace of the woman. They could not find any mark of bump on the train, either1.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。状況がよくわかる英文です。

 

 

こういう時はIを主語にして考えるとおもいます。確かにぶつかったのは列車ですが。

 

添削後の文章

 

“An Old Woman Disappeared from the Railroad”

 

Around 1:40 p.m. on August 12, the driver of an off-duty train (with six carriages) running  between Simizugawa and Karibazawa on the Tohoku Line noticed that there was an old woman carrying a rucksack on her shoulders on the railroad ahead and immediately braked  the train to stop. The driver thought, “ I must have hit her,” and called the police and an ambulance. They searched the area but found no trace of the woman. They could not find any mark of bump on the train, either.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(あすか、13 August 07

 

“An Old Woman Disappeared from the Railway Track”

 

At 1:40 pm on August 12, an out-of-service(six-car) train suddenly stopped between Shimizugawa and Karibazawa on the Tohoku line because the train conductor found an old woman with a backpack inside of the rail track ahead. As the conductor thought that he might hit her, immediately he called the police  and arranged for an ambulance. Strange to say but no matter how much they searched for the old woman, they couldn't find her. Even the train had no traces of accident. 

 

添削

 

“An Old Woman Disappeareds1 from the Railway Track”

 

At 1:40 pm on August 12, an out-of-service (six-car) train suddenly stopped between Shimizugawa and Karibazawa on the Tohoku line because the train conductor driver2 found an old woman with a backpack inside of the rail track ahead.3 As tThe conductor driver thought that he might have hit her, and immediately he called the police and arranged for an ambulance. Strange to say but no matter how much they searched for the old woman along the railway track, they couldn't find her. Even the train had no traces of the accident. 

 

コメント

 

1.       新聞の見出しは、過去の出来事でも現在形で表現することが多いです。現在形の方が一目見出しを見たときの印象が強いのでしょう。8月12日といえばお盆に近いですね。

 

2.       a driverが運転士、a conductorが車掌です。

 

3.       内容の順序を少し変えると次のようになります。At about 1:40 pm on August 12, an out-of-service train was running between Shimizugawa and Karibazawa on the Tohoku line. All of a sudden, the driver of the train saw an old women with a backpack on the train track ahead. He pulled the emergency brake and stopped the train.とすると運転士が文章の主人公になるので、少し臨場感が増加するように思えますが、どうでしょうか。

 

添削後の文章

 

“An Old Woman Disappears from the Railway Track”

 

At 1:40 pm on August 12, an out-of-service (six-car) train suddenly stopped between Shimizugawa and Karibazawa on the Tohoku line because the train driver found an old woman with a backpack inside of the rail track ahead. The driver thought that he might have hit her and immediately called the police and an ambulance. Strange to say but no matter how much they searched for the old woman along the railway track, they couldn't find her. Even the train had no traces of the accident. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Momo, 28 Aug 03

 

“An Old Woman Disappears from the Railway Track”

 

At about 1:40 p.m. on August 12 the motorman of an out-of-service train with six cars, which was running between Shimizugawa and Karibazawa on the Tohoku line saw an old woman with a knapsack in front of the train on the train track. The motorman pulled an emergency brake and stopped the train. He felt that the train might hit her and immediately called the police and asked for an ambulance. They searched for the old woman everywhere around the train but could not find her. They could not find any evidence indicating that the train had hit or run over the old woman either.

 

添削

 

“An Old Woman Disappears from the Railway Track”

 

At about 1:40 p.m. on August 12, the motorman of an out-of-service train with six cars which  was running between Shimizugawa and Karibazawa on the Tohoku line1. The motorman of the train saw an old woman with a knapsack in front of the train on the train track ahead. The motorman pulled an the emergency brake and stopped the train. He felt was afraid2 that the train might have hit her and immediately called the police and asked for an ambulance. They searched for the old woman everywhere around the train but could not find her. They also checked the train carefully but3 could not find any evidence dent or mark4 that could indicate indicating that the train had hit or run over the old woman either.

 

コメント

 

1.       怪談のような話ですので物語のように順序良く英文で表現すれば面白くなります。日本文の最初の文は長いので英文では短い文に分解するとよいでしょう。

 

2.       「運転士は接触したかもしれないと感じ」の「感じ」は運転士が列車が老女と接触したショックを本当に感じたのかもしれませんが、ここでは「思った」にしました。ショックを感じたのならば、He thought that he felt a faint shock of hitting the old woman and immediately called the police and an ambulance.と表現しても良いでしょう。

 

3.       日本文には省略されている部分を入れて説明的にしました。

 

4.       添削のように具体的にすると良いと思います。

 

添削後の文章

 

“An Old Woman Disappears from the Railway Track”

 

At about 1:40 p.m. on August 12, an out-of-service train with six cars was running between Shimizugawa and Karibazawa on the Tohoku line. The motorman of the train saw an old woman with a knapsack on the train track ahead. The motorman pulled the emergency brake and stopped the train. He was afraid that the train might have hit her and immediately called the police and an ambulance. They searched for the old woman everywhere around the train but could not find her. They also checked the train carefully but could not find any dent or mark that could indicate that the train had hit or run over the old woman.

 

中級問題 62 「町内を無線LANで接続」

 

岐阜県岩村町では全国の自治体で初めての試みの町内すべてで使用可能な無線LANシステムの敷設を行う。町役場など公共施設を拠点に約四十の基地局を設置。総延長約二十五キロの光ファイバーで基地局を結び、基地局から無線で端末に情報を送る。約36平方キロメートルの町内のほぼ全域を、無線LANでカバーすることになる。

 

町内のどこからでもインターネットに接続できるほか、無線で情報をやりとりできるため、携帯電話でテレビのビデオ録画や、ドアの開閉といった情報家電の実用化が可能になる。

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 21 February 12

 

"Making a Whole Town Ubiquitous Computing”  

 

The Town of Iwamura in Gifu Prefecture is going to build a wireless LAN accessible from anywhere in the town, making it the first municipality in Japan to have such a fantastic IT infrastructure installed. The town will set up about 40 base stations at public facilities like its town office and connect these stations to each other with 25 kilometer optical fiber cables to enable base stations to transmit wireless information to terminals or end-users’ equipment in the town. The network essentially covers the whole of 36 square kilometers town thus allowing its residents to access the Internet from anywhere in the town. This ubiquitous communication environment also allows them to put intelligent home appliances into practical use. They will soon be able to use their cell phones for transmitting signals to home appliances and to open/close doors and/or to start recording TV programs on a VCR.

 

添削

 

"Making a Whole Town Connected by Wireless Communications Ubiquitous Computing  

 

The Town of Iwamura in Gifu Prefecture is going to build a wireless LAN accessible from anywhere in the town, making it the first municipality in Japan to have such a fantastic IT infrastructure installed. The town will set up about 40 base stations at public facilities like its town office and connect these stations to each other with 25 kilometer optical fiber cables to enable base stations to transmit wireless information to terminals or end-users’ equipment in the town. The network essentially covers the whole of 36 square kilometers town thus allowing its residents to access the Internet from anywhere in the town. This ubiquitous communication environment also allows them to put intelligent home appliances into practical use. They will soon be able to use their cell phones for transmitting signals to home appliances and to open/close doors and/or to start recording TV programs on a VCR.

 

コメント

 

題名が不明確ですが、本文の内容は総てわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Making a Whole Town Connected by Wireless Communications ”  

 

The Town of Iwamura in Gifu Prefecture is going to build a wireless LAN accessible from anywhere in the town, making it the first municipality in Japan to have such a fantastic IT infrastructure installed. The town will set up about 40 base stations at public facilities like its town office and connect these stations to each other with 25 kilometer optical fiber cables to enable base stations to transmit wireless information to terminals or end-users’ equipment in the town. The network essentially covers the whole of 36 square kilometers town thus allowing its residents to access the Internet from anywhere in the town. This ubiquitous communication environment also allows them to put intelligent home appliances into practical use. They will soon be able to use their cell phones for transmitting signals to home appliances and to open/close doors and/or to start recording TV programs on a VCR.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 8 April 11

 

Connecting Wireless LAN in the Town

 

Iwamura town's government in Gifu prefecture has decided to connect usable wireless LAN from everywhere in the town. It is the first time for local governments across the nation to try.

 

The plan for wireless LAN is that forty base-stations are set in public places such as the town office first. These stations are joined together by optical fiber that the total extension becomes about twenty-five kilometer. Then the base-stations can send information to all houses in the town by wireless LAN.

 

Wireless LAN can be covered all over the town that is about thirty-six square kilometers in size. Residents are able to connect Internet not only from everywhere in the town, but also home information appliances such as video recording and opening and closing door are possible through wireless LAN to use their cell phones.

 

添削

 

Connecting All Residents in the Town by a Wireless LAN in the Town

 

The Town of Iwamura1 town's government in Gifu pPrefecture has decided to make connect usable a wireless LAN accessible from everywhere anywhere in the town. It is the first time for a local governments in Japan across the nation to set up such a wireless LAN try.

 

The plan for wireless LAN is that forty base-stations are set up at in public places such as the town office first. These stations are joined together by an optical fiber network that is the total extension becomes about twenty-five kilometers in total. Then the base-stations can send information to all houses in the town by a wireless LAN.

 

The Wwireless LAN can be covered the whole all over the town that is about thirty-six square kilometers in size. Residents are not only able to connect to the Internet not only from anywhere everywhere in the town, but also can remotely control home information appliances such as a video recordinger and can opening and closinge doors are possible through wireless LAN to use by their cell phones.

 

コメント

 

読みにくいところがありますが、英文の内容のほぼすべてがわかります。

 

1.       「岩村町(町役場)」は正式にはthe Government of the Town of Iwamuraですが、the Town of Imamuraだけでもこの意味になります。岐阜県庁はGifu Prefectureまたはthe Prefecture of Gufuになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Connecting All Residents in the Town by a Wireless LAN

 

The Town of Iwamura in Gifu Prefecture has decided to make a wireless LAN accessible from anywhere in the town. It is the first time for a local government in Japan to set up such a wireless LAN .

 

The plan is that forty base-stations are set up at public places such as the town office first. These stations are joined together by an optical fiber network that is about twenty-five kilometers in total. Then the base-stations can send information to all houses in the town by a wireless LAN.

 

The wireless LAN can cover the whole town that is about thirty-six square kilometers in size. Residents are not only able to connect to the Internet from anywhere in the town but also can remotely control home appliances such as a video recorder and can open and close doors by their cell phones.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Kalo, 5 November 10

 

"A town will be Connected with a Wireless LAN System”

 

Iwamura Town in Gifu Prefecture will be the first local government in Japan to install a wireless LAN system that can be used everywhere in the town. The town will set up about 40 base stations at public facilities such as the town hall and connect the stations with optical fiber cables with a total of 25 kilometers long. These base stations will cover almost all the areas of the town and send information to a device at home and office that is equipped with wireless communication.

 

This LAN system enables residents to have access to the Internet all over the town and control home information appliances with a cell phone, such as opening and closing a door and set timer to record a TV program.

 

添削

 

"A tTown will be Connected Covered by1 with a Wireless LAN System”

 

Iwamura Town in Gifu Prefecture will be the first local government in Japan to install a wireless LAN system that can be used everywhere anywhere in the town. The town will set up about 40 base stations at public facilities such as the town hall and connect the stations with optical fiber cables with a total of 25 kilometers long. These base stations will cover almost all the areas of the town by a wireless LAN and send information to a device at home and office that is equipped with a wireless communication receiver.

 

This LAN system enables residents to have access to the Internet all from anywhere in over the town and even control home information appliances from with a cell phone, such as opening and closing a doors and set a timer to record a TV program.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       インターネットに接続できる町はいっぱんあるので、ここでは町全体がワイヤーレスでカバーされている、という題名がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"A Town will be Covered by a Wireless LAN System”

 

Iwamura Town in Gifu Prefecture will be the first local government in Japan to install a wireless LAN system that can be used anywhere in the town. The town will set up about 40 base stations at public facilities such as the town hall and connect the stations with optical fiber cables with a total of 25 kilometers long. These base stations will cover almost all the areas of the town by a wireless LAN and send information to a device at home and office that is equipped with a wireless communication receiver.

 

This LAN system enables residents to have access to the Internet from anywhere in the town and even control home appliances from a cell phone, opening and closing doors and set a timer to record a TV program.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(さくら、27 Aug 07

 

“Wireless LAN Service Starts in the Town”

 

The Iwamura Town in Gifu Prefecture plans to start wireless LAN service which is available from any place in the town. This service is the first attempt among the local municipalities in Japan. They will build about forty basic stations mainly in the public facilities like the town hall and connect every station with totally 25 kilometers optical fiber and send information from the stations to the terminals. The wireless LAN service is going to cover almost all area of the town, so it will enable to access the Internet from anywhere in the town. It will also realize to control intelligent appliances by sending a command to a video recorder to record TV program on the tape or to lock or unlock the house door through cell phones.

 

添削

 

“Wireless LAN Service Starts in the Town”

 

The Iwamura Town in Gifu Prefecture plans to start a wireless LAN service which will be is available from any place in the town. This service is will be the first attempt among the local municipalities in Japan. They will build about forty basic base stations mainly in the public facilities like the town hall and connect every all stations with totally 25 kilometers optical fiber cables and send information from the stations to the wireless terminals such as cellular phones and laptop computers1. The wireless LAN service is going to cover almost all the whole area of the town so that, so it will enable2 people in the town to access the Internet from anywhere in the town. It The wireless service will also make it possible for people realize to control intelligent appliances at their home.3 For example, they can sendby sending a command from a cellular phone to a video recorder to record a TV program on the video recorder on the tape or to lock or and unlock the house door through cell phones.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、(1)、(2)、(3)のところがよくわかりません。(1)はthe terminalsが携帯電話やワイヤーレス通信の可能なラップトップのようなものだろうと推測できますが、the terminalsとあるので町が用意した特別な送受信機なのかな、ともおもいます。(2)enable what/who?という疑問がでてきます。(3)はintelligent appliancesa video recorder, the house doorの関係がはっきりしません。

 

1.       具体的に説明するとよいでしょう。

 

2.       enable A to do Bという形になります。

 

3.       ここで一度文を終わりにして、For exampleと例を挙げるとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Iwamura Town in Gifu Prefecture plans to start a wireless LAN service which will be  available from any place in the town. This service will be the first attempt among local municipalities in Japan. They will build about forty base stations mainly in the public facilities like the town hall and connect all stations with 25 kilometer optical fiber cables and send information from the stations to wireless terminals such as cellular phones and laptop computers. The wireless LAN service is going to cover almost the whole area of the town so that it will enable people in the town to access the Internet from anywhere in the town. The wireless service will also make it possible for people to control intelligent appliances at their home. For example, they can send a command from a cellular phone to record a TV program on the video recorder or to lock and unlock the house door.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(あすか、21 August 07

 

“Whole Town With a Wireless LAN System”

 

The Iwamura town in Gifu Prefecture first will introduced a wireless LAN system to all residents in the community by the local Japanese government. The wireless LAN system will set up about 40 hubs at public facilities in the town such as town hall and connect those hubs with 25-kilometer long optical fibber cables will send information to the communication terminal. As the most of the town will be covered within a range of 36 square kilometers by using this system, the residents can connect to the Internet from anywhere in the town. Besides, it can be possible to operate electronic devices at home such as opening and shutting a door and setting up a TV program on a video recorder by using only a cellular phone with wireless LAN system.

 

添削

 

A Whole Town Is Connected through With a Wireless LAN System”

 

The Town of Iwamura town in Gifu Prefecture will be the first to will introduced a wireless LAN system to all residents in the community by among the local Japanese governments in Japan1. The wireless LAN system will set up about 40 hubs at public facilities in the town such as the town hall and connect those hubs with 25-kilometer long optical fibber cables. The hubs will send information to wireless the communication terminals held by people in the town2. As the most of the town’s 36 square kilometers will be covered within a range of 36 square kilometers by using this system, the residents can connect to the Internet from anywhere in the town. Besides, the residents3 it can use their wireless terminals be possible to operate electronic devices at home in such a way as opening and shutting a door and setting up a TV program on a video recorder by using only a cellular phone with wireless LAN system.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、(1)、(2)の大事なところがよくわかりません。The Iwamura town in Gifu Prefecture first will introduced a wireless LAN system to all residents in the community by the local Japanese government.は「岩村町は先ず最初に日本政府によって無線LANを導入するでしょう。」となり日本文の内容を脇に置けば、この内容でもよいですが、では次に何をするのか?という疑問が出ます。

 

2.       ここではハブとワイヤレスターミナルとの関係がはっきりしません。

 

3.       ここはthe residentsを主語にすると内容がわかりやすくなります。添削のようにハブについては新しい文で記述するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

“A Whole Town Is Connected through a Wireless LAN System”

 

The Town of Iwamura in Gifu Prefecture will be the first to introduced a wireless LAN system to all residents in the community among local governments in Japan. The wireless LAN system will set up about 40 hubs at public facilities in the town such as the town hall and connect those hubs with 25-kilometer long optical fibber cables. The hubs will send information to wireless terminals held by people in the town. As most of the town’s 36 square kilometers will be covered by this system, the residents can connect to the Internet from anywhere in the town. Besides, the residents can use their wireless terminals to operate electronic devices at home in such a way as opening and shutting a door and setting up a TV program on a video recorder.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Katie, 28 Aug 03

 

“Connecting a Whole Town by a Wireless LAN System”

 

The Town of Iwamura in Gifu Prefecture is planning to install a wireless LAN communication system in the town for the first time as a local government in Japan that will make a wireless LAN system available to all residents in the community. The wireless LAN system will set up about 40 hubs in the town at various public facilities such as the town hall and connect those hubs with 25 kilometer long optical fiber cables. Those hubs will transmit information to any communication terminal within a range of 36 square kilometers and will be able cover almost the whole town.

 

Town residents can access to the Internet from anywhere in the town. It will enable the residents to use a cellular phone to send a signal to operate electronic devices at home such as opening and closing electronically operated doors and starting recording a TV program on video recorders.

 

添削

 

“Connecting a Whole Town by With a Wireless LAN System”

 

The Town of Iwamura in Gifu Prefecture is planning to install a wireless LAN communication system in the town. The town will be1 for the first time as a local government in Japan that will make a wireless LAN system available to all residents in the community. The wireless LAN2 system will set up about 40 hubs in the town at various public facilities such as the town hall and connect those hubs with 25- kilometer long optical fiber cables. Those The hubs2 will transmit information to any communication terminal within a range of 36 square kilometers and will be able cover almost the whole town.

 

By using this system3, Ttown residents can access to the Internet from anywhere in the town. It will enable the residents to They can4 use a cellular phone to send a signal to operate electronic devices at home such as opening and closing electronically operated doors and to5 starting recording a TV program on a video recorders.

 

コメント

 

1.       Katieさんは日本文の内容をよく整理してから英文にしています。ここは二つの文に分けて表現してほうが読みやすくなります。

 

2.       英文の主語をThe wireless LAN systemThe hubsにすることによって文章の中に新しい言葉が順序良く出てくるようになり、内容が伝わりやすくなっています。

 

3.       前の段落と関連を持たせるようにBy using this systemを入れました。

 

4.       添削のようにすると簡単になりまた前の文とのつながり(主語が同じ)がよくなります。

 

5.       To send a signal to operate A and to start Bという並列構造にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Connecting a Whole Town With a Wireless LAN System”

 

The Town of Iwamura in Gifu Prefecture is planning to install a wireless LAN communication system in the town. The town will be the first local government in Japan that will make a wireless LAN system available to all residents in the community. The wireless LAN system will set up about 40 hubs in the town at various public facilities such as the town hall and connect those hubs with 25-kilometer long optical fiber cables. The hubs will transmit information to any communication terminal within a range of 36 square kilometers and will be able cover almost the whole town.

 

By using this system, town residents can access the Internet from anywhere in the town. They can use a cellular phone to send a signal to operate electronic devices at home such as opening and closing electronically operated doors and to start recording a TV program on a video recorder.

 

 

中級問題 63 「サーファーが海岸のごみ掃除」

 

徳島県生見海岸は国内有数のサーフポイントとして知られているが、台風10号の影響で流木や電化製品などの大量のごみが漂着した。これをインターネットで知った全国のサーファーが8月12日に海岸に集まり「ホームグラウンドの危機を救おう」と一斉清掃を始めた。

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 22 February 12

 

"Surfers Cleaning Up the Beach” 

 

Typhoon #10 left tons of debris including driftwood and scrap electronics at Ikumi Beach in Tokushima Prefecture known as one of the nation's best surfing spots. Having learned this through the Internet, a number of surfers came to the beach from across the country on August 12 and started cleaning the beach all together in a bid to save their home turf from the predicament. 

 

添削

 

"Surfers Cleaning Up the Beach” 

 

Typhoon Number #10 left tons of debris such as including driftwood and scrap electronics at Ikumi Beach in Tokushima Prefecture, which1 was known as one of the nation's best surfing spots. Having learned this through the Internet, a number of surfers came to the beach from across the country on August 12 and started cleaning the beach all together in a bid to save their home turf from the predicament. 

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       ここで一息入れたほうが後半の内容が強調できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Surfers Cleaning Up the Beach” 

 

Typhoon Number 10 left tons of debris such as driftwood and scrap electronics at Ikumi Beach in Tokushima Prefecture, which was known as one of the nation's best surfing spots. Having learned this through the Internet, a number of surfers came to the beach from across the country on August 12 and started cleaning the beach in a bid to save their home turf from the predicament. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 8 April 11

 

Surfers Pick up Coastal Wastes on the Beach.

 

Ikumi beach in Tokushima prefecture is famous for good surfing place in Japan.  Due to typhoon No.10, a lot of wastes such as driftwood and electric appliances drifted on the beach.

 

On April 12, Surfers who knew this happening through Internet gathered from all over the country to the beach and started cleaning for help their home ground's crisis.

 

添削

 

Surfers Pick up Coastal Wastes on the Beach.

 

Ikumi bBeach in Tokushima pPrefecture is famous for good surfing place in Japan.  Due to tTyphoon No.10, a lot of wastes such as driftwood and electric appliances were washed up drifted on the beach.

 

On April 12, Ssurfers who found knew this happening on the through Internet came to the beach gathered from all over the country1 to the beach to clean up the beach and save and started cleaning for help their surfing home ground's crisis.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       gathered at the beach from all over the countryという表現でもよいです。先ずはどこに集まったか、来たか、と場所を示します。

 

添削後の文章

 

Surfers Pick up Wastes on the Beach

 

Ikumi Beach in Tokushima Prefecture is famous for good surfing in Japan. Due to Typhoon No.10, a lot of wastes such as driftwood and electric appliances were washed up on the beach.

 

On April 12, surfers who found this happening on the Internet came to the beach from all over the country to clean up the beach and save their surfing home ground.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Kalo, 7 November 10

 

"Surfers Helped Clean the Beach”

 

Ikumi Beach, one of the most popular surfing spots in Japan, was littered with a huge amount of debris including driftwoods and home appliances because Typhoon No.10 had passed by.

 

On August 12, a lot of surfers who found the news on the Internet came to the beach and helped clean the beach. They said that they gathered to save their home beach.

 

添削

 

"Surfers Helped Clean the Beach”

 

Ikumi Beach, one of the most popular surfing spots in Japan, was littered with a huge amount of debris including driftwoods and home appliances because washed up by Typhoon No.10 had passed by the area.

 

On August 12, a lot of surfers who found the news on the Internet came to the beach and helped clean the beach. They said that they gathered to save their home beach.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Surfers Helped Clean the Beach”

 

Ikumi Beach, one of the most popular surfing spots in Japan, was littered with a huge amount of debris including driftwoods and home appliances washed up by Typhoon No.10 had passed by the area.

 

On August 12, a lot of surfers who found the news on the Internet came to the beach and helped clean the beach. They said that they gathered to save their home beach.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(さくら、29 August 07

 

“Surfers Cleaned Ikumi Beach”

 

Ikumi Beach in Tokushima Prefecture is famous as a good surfing point in Japan. But a massive wreckage including driftwood and appliances arrived there after the typhoon No.10 coming. Surfers who had known this news through the Internet came to the beach from all over the county on August 21st and started cleaning the beach under the slogan of “Let’s save our home beach”.

 

添削

 

“Surfers Cleaned2 Ikumi Beach”

 

Ikumi Beach in Tokushima Prefecture is famous as for its a good surfing point in Japan. But a massive amount of wreckage garbage including driftwoods and appliances arrived there after the tTyphoonNo.10 coming came. Surfers found who had known3 this news through the Internet and came to the beach from all over the county on August 21st. They and started cleaning the beach under the slogan ,of “Let’s save our home beach”.1

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかります。

 

2.       記事の見出しには過去の出来事も現在形で表現することが多いです。「サーハーが海岸を掃除する」という事実を記述するだけにするためでしょう。現在形のほうが余計な情報(いつの出来事かなど)が入らないのでパット理解できるからでしょう。

 

3.       時間の順序としては、ニュースを知った人の何人かがビーチに来たので、ニュースを知ることが先になりますが、they found the news and came to the beach.というよう起こった順序に共に過去形で表現します。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Surfers Clean2 Ikumi Beach”

 

Ikumi Beach in Tokushima Prefecture is famous for its good surfing . But a massive amount of garbage including driftwoods and appliances arrived there after TyphoonNo.10 came. Surfers found this news through the Internet and came to the beach from all over the county on August 21st. They started cleaning the beach under the slogan ,“Let’s save our home beach”.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(あすか、13 Feb 07

 

“Surfers Clean Up Beach Garbage”

 

Ikumi beach in Tokushima prefecture is known for the one of the most popular surf spots in Japan. However, a lot of garbage was strewn with the beach such as driftwoods, electric appriences because of Typhoon No.10. Through the Internet, surfers all over Japan who knew about the garbage of Ikumi beach, took action to save their favorite spot. On August 12, they came all together and cleaned up.

 

添削

 

“Surfers Clean Up Beach Garbage1

 

Ikumi bBeach in Tokushima pPrefecture is known for as2 the one of the most popular surfing spots in Japan. However Recently3, Typhoon No. 10 washed up a lot of garbage was strewn with4 on the beach such as driftwoods,and electric appriences appliances because of Typhoon No.10. Through the Internet, surfers all over Japan who knew found about the garbage of on Ikumi bBeach, and5 took action to save their favorite spot. On August 12, they came all together and cleaned up the beach.

 

コメント

 

1.       I cleaned the wound of dirt. 傷口から汚れを〈取って〉きれいにした、という用法ですから、ここではSurfers clean up beach of garbage.となります。または、Surfers clean up beach.だけで、サーファーが海岸を掃除する、の意味になります。

 

2.       He is well known for his accomplishment in literature. 彼は文学の業績でよく知られている。He is well known as one of the most popular novelists in Japan. 彼は日本でとても人気の高い小説家としてよく知られている。というように前置詞、forasで意味が違ってきます。

 

3.       最初の文の内容と次の文の内容はhoweverではつながりません。

 

4.       The beach got strewn with garbage. A lot of garbage was strewn on the beach. The typhoon strew garbage on the beach.という用法になります。ここでは台風がゴミを海岸に打ち寄せた、としました。

 

5.       出来事の順序を時間を追って記述しandでつないだほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Surfers Clean Up Beach1

 

Ikumi Beach in Tokushima Prefecture is known as one of the most popular surfing spots in Japan. Recently, Typhoon No.10 washed up a lot of garbage on the beach such as driftwood and electric appliances. Through the Internet, surfers all over Japan found about the garbage on Ikumi Beach and took action to save their favorite spot. On August 12, they came together and cleaned up the beach.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(オカヤ、28 Aug 03

 

“Surfers Clean Up a Beach”

 

Typhoon Number 10 left Ikumi Beach in Tokushima Prefecture, one of the best place for surfing in Japan, strewn with debris such as driftwood and abandoned electronic appliances. On August 12, many surfers from all over Japan came to the beach to clean the beach and save their favorite surfing spot. They found that the beach was in a mess through information posted on the Internet.

 

添削

 

“Surfers Clean Up a the Beach”

 

Typhoon Number 101 left Ikumi Beach in Tokushima Prefecture, one of the best places for surfing in Japan, strewn with debris such as driftwood and abandoned electronic appliances. On August 12, many surfers from all over Japan came to the beach to clean the beach and save their favorite surfing spot2. They found out that the beach was in a mess3 through information posted on the Internet.

 

コメント

 

オカヤさんは日本文の内容を整理して、英文で再構築しています。日本文では文の内容の連関に修飾節や助詞を良く使います。「これをインターネットで知った全国のサーファーが」と「徳島県生見海岸は国内有数のサーフポイントとして知られている」がこの例です。このような日本文の内容を英文で表現するときには小文に分解して、小文を順序良く並べることで文章の統一性が保てます。

 

1.       台風10号を主語にすることで文が簡潔になっています。

 

2.       「ホームグラウンドの危機を救おう」は日本文では内容の強調になっています。英文では”Let’s save our favorite surfing spot from the crisis.”のような直接引用文を入れると文章の中でここだけが浮き上がってしまうのでオカヤさんのように間接引用句がよいと思います。

 

3.       The room was a mess. Children left the dining room in a mess.のようにどちらのいいかたもあります。ここはthe beachが主語なのでその状態を表すためにthe beach was a mess.というように使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Surfers Clean Up the Beach”

 

Typhoon Number 10 left Ikumi Beach in Tokushima Prefecture, one of the best places for surfing in Japan, strewn with debris such as driftwood and abandoned electronic appliances. On August 12, many surfers from all over Japan came to the beach to clean and save their favorite surfing spot. They found out that the beach was a mess through information posted on the Internet.

 

 

中級問題 64「図書館の日本の戦争コーナーを設置」

 

徳島市立図書館の「こどもしつ」の片隅にある「日本の戦争」コーナーが、根強い人気を集めている。戦争関連の児童書を一カ所に集めて常設展示しているのは、県内でも同図書館だけ。十五日の「終戦の日」が近いこの時期、コーナー前には連日、夏休み中の子供たちの姿がある。

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 22 February 12

 

"Regular Exhibit of War-related Books at Tokushima City Library” 

 

"The Japan’s War” section at a corner of the children room in the Tokushima City Library has been attracting many visitors as the only library in Tokushima Prefecture housing the regular exhibit of war-related books for children. As August 15, the day World War II ended nears, “the Japan’s War” section is crowded with lots of school children on

 

添削

 

"Regular Exhibit of War-related Books for Children at Tokushima City Library” 

 

"The Japan’s War” section at a corner of the children’s room in the Tokushima City Library has been attracting many children visitors as the only library in Tokushima Prefecture housing the regular exhibit of war-related books for children. As August 15, the day World War II ended is coming closer nears, “the Japan’s War” section is crowded with lots of school children on the summer break every day.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Regular Exhibit of War-related Books for Children at Tokushima City Library” 

 

"The Japan’s War” section at a corner of the children’s room in the Tokushima City Library has been attracting many children as the only library in Tokushima Prefecture housing the regular exhibit of war-related books for children. As August 15, the day World War II ended is coming closer, “the Japan’s War” section is crowded with lots of school children on the summer break every day.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(Lucca, 12 April 11

 

"Children's books about Japan's war in the library"

 

"Japan's war corner "which has war related books for children at children room in Tokushima City Library is very popular among children. Only this library sets it up  in Tokushima prefecture. As August 15 which is the day of the end of the World War II is coming soon, children are gathering to the corner every day and read the books.

 

添削

 

"Children's books Corner about Japan's wars in the Tokushima City1 Library"

 

"The Japan's war corner "which has children’s books war related to Japan’s wars2 books for children at  in the children room in the Tokushima City Library is very popular among children. Only this library sets it up such a corner in Tokushima pPrefecture. As August 15 which is the day of the end of the World War II is coming soon, children are gathering at to the corner every day and read the books.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       徳島市立図書館と名前を題名に入れると具体的になります。

 

2.       children’s booksのほうがbooks for childrenより「子供向けの本」ということがはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Children's books Corner about Japan's wars in the Tokushima City Library"

 

"The Japan's war corner "which has children’s books related to Japan’s wars in the children room in the Tokushima City Library is very popular among children. Only this library sets  up such a corner in Tokushima Prefecture. As August 15 which is the day of the end of the World War II is coming soon, children are gathering at the corner every day and read the books.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Kalo, 7 November 10

 

At the Tokushima City Library, a book corner titled “War of Japan” has remained quite popular. The corner in the children’s book room displays war-related books for children to read. The Tokushima City Library is the only library in Tokushima Prefecture that displays such books throughout the year. Now, a lot of children are coming to the book corner when August 15, the anniversary of World War II, comes near.

 

添削

 

A Special Display of Boos on War for Children at the Tokushima City Library

 

At the Tokushima City Library, a book corner titled named “War of Japan” is1 has remained quite popular. The corner in the children’s book room displays war-related books for children to read. The Tokushima City Library is the only library in Tokushima Prefecture that displays such books throughout the year. Now, a lot of children are coming to the book corner when as2 August 15, the anniversary of World War II, is getting closer comes near.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       現在の状況の説明なので単に現在形でよいでしょう。

 

2.       終戦の日」が近いこの時期という幅のある時間なので、whenよりasがよいでしょう。「終戦の日が近づくにつれて」となります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A Special Display of Boos on War for Children at the Tokushima City Library

 

At the Tokushima City Library, a book corner named “War of Japan” is quite popular. The corner in the children’s book room displays war-related books for children . The Tokushima City Library is the only library in Tokushima Prefecture that displays such books throughout the year. Now, a lot of children are coming to the book corner as August 15, the anniversary of World War II, is getting closer .

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(つぶあんこ、1 February 09

 

A library set up a corner of “Wars of Japan”

 

A small collection of books on “Wars in Japan” is firmly popular among children. Tokushima municipal Library has set up the collection in a corner of “the Children’s room”. The library only has a permanent exhibition of war-related children’s books in Tokushima Prefecture. Children on their summer vacation come to the corner lately, as the anniversary of the end of World War II, August 15th, approaches.

 

添削

 

A The Tokushima Municipal Llibrary sets up a corner of children’s books on wars Wars of Japan

 

A small collection of children’s books on “Wars in of Japan” at the Tokushima Municipal Library is firmly has been1 popular for among children. Tokushima municipal Llibrary has set up the collection in a corner of “the Children’s room”2. This is Tthe only library3 that only has a permanent exhibition of war-related children’s books on wars of Japan in Tokushima Prefecture. Many Cchildren on their summer vacation come to the corner lately, as the anniversary of the end of World War II, August 15th, approaches.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、最初の文がキーセンテンスになっていません。添削のように最初の三つの文の内容を一つにまとめるとよいでしょう。

 

1.       「根強い人気を集めている」は「少しの間ではなくこのコーナーが設置されてからずっと」という意味に解釈して、添削のようhas been popularとする表現方法があります。

 

2.       この文はは最初の文にchildren’s booksと入れておけば、内容の重複になるので省略できます。

 

3.       「県内でも同図書館だけ」はThis is the only one library in the prefecture that ~ (where ~)という構文にするとわかりやすいです。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Tokushima Municipal Library sets up a corner of children’s books on wars of Japan

 

A small collection of children’s books on “Wars of Japan” at the Tokushima Municipal Library is has been popular for children. This is the only library that has a permanent exhibition of  children’s books on wars of Japan in Tokushima Prefecture. Many children on their summer vacation come to the corner lately as the anniversary of the end of World War II, August 15th, approaches.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(さくら、7 September 07

 

“Library Set up a War-Related Corner”

 

A corner titled “the war of Japan” in Tokushima City Public Library has been persistently popular. The corner places in its children’s reading room. It is the only library where war-related books for children are lined up in Tokushima Prefecture. At this time of year when the anniversary of the end of the war is coming closer, the corner is crowded with many children who are spending their summer vacation.

 

添削

 

“Library Set up a Special Collection of War-Related Books for Children Corner

 

A corner1 collection of books named titled “the war of Japan” in Tokushima City Public Library has been persistently popular. The corner collection is placesd in its children’s reading room2. It is the only library where war-related books for children are lined available all year around up3 in Tokushima Prefecture. At this time of year when the anniversary of the end of the war is coming closer, the corner of the library with the collection is crowded with many children who are spending their summer vacation in the library.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが、(1)でa cornerが文の最初に出てくるので、これは何かな?とおもいます。(2)は推測できますが、添削のように受動態にします。(3)のbooks are lined upの意味も推測できますが、添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Library Set up a Special Collection of War-Related Books for Children”

 

A collection of books named “the war of Japan” in Tokushima City Public Library has been persistently popular. The collection is placed in its children’s reading room. It is the only library where war-related books for children are available all year around in Tokushima Prefecture. At this time of year when the anniversary of the end of the war is coming closer, the corner of the library with the collection is crowded with many children who are spending their summer vacation in the library.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(あすか、4 December 06

 

"The Wars Involved Japan" Corner At The Tokushima City Library

 

The Tokushima City Library has opened a corner of "The Wars Involved Japan" in the children's room. Since the opening day, the visitors have been coming one after another. This is the only library which keeps on display the children's war books in Tokushima. During the summer vacation, many children visit this corner around the War Memorial Day on August 15.

 

添削

 

"The Wars Involved of Japan" Corner At The Tokushima City Library

 

The Tokushima City Library has opened a corner of called "The Wars Involved of1 Japan" in the children's room. Since the opening day, the visitors children2 have been coming visiting this corner one after another. This is the only library which keeps on display the children's books on war books on display3 in Tokushima. During the summer vacation, many children visit this corner around the War Memorial Day on August 154.

 

 

コメント

 

1.       「日本の戦争」は英文でもwars of Japan と表現します。involveを使うとwar involving Japanとなります。

 

2.       children としたほうが具体的になります。

 

3.       keep Aと目的語のAを動詞のすぐ後ろに置いたほうが内容がはっきりします。

 

4.       around the War Memorial Day on August 158月15日のは終戦記念日の前後には、の意味ですね。日本文の「十五日の「終戦の日」が近いこの時期」の内容にしたがえば、as August 15, the War Memorial Day, approachesと表現できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

"The Wars of Japan" Corner At The Tokushima City Library

 

The Tokushima City Library has opened a corner called "The Wars of Japan" in the children's room. Since the opening day, children have been visiting this corner one after another. This is the only library which keeps children's books on war on display in Tokushima. During the summer vacation, many children visit this corner around the War Memorial Day on August 15.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Kenji, 18 Aug 03

 

“Wars of Japan” Section at the Tokushima City Library”

 

The “Wars of Japan” section at a corner of the children’s room at the Tokushima City Library has been deep-rooted popular among children. This is the only library in Tokushima Prefecture which keeps books about wars of Japan for children all year round. Everyday, many children on summer holidays are found in front of this section during this period when August 15, the War Memorial Day, is close.

 

添削

 

“Wars of Japan” Section Corner at the Tokushima City Library”

 

The “Wars of Japan” section at a1 corner of the children’s room at the Tokushima City Library2 has been deep-rooted constantly popular among children at the Tokushima City Library. This is the only library in Tokushima Prefecture which that keeps children’s books about the wars of Japan for children all year round. Everyday, many children on summer holidays are found in front of this section visit this corner3 as during this period when August 15, the War Memorial Day, is close approaches closer4.

 

コメント

 

1.       英語でも「〜コーナー」という言い方があるので簡単にしました。

 

2.       主語句が長くなるのでat the Tokushima City Libraryを文の最後の置きました。

 

3.       「子供たちの姿がある」は投稿のようでもいいですが、内容からchildren visit the cornerと簡単にしました。

 

4.       The War Memorial Dayを主語にすると文が力強くなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Wars of Japan” Corner at the Tokushima City Library”

 

The “Wars of Japan” corner of the children’s room has been constantly popular among children at the Tokushima City Library. This is the only library in Tokushima Prefecture that keeps children’s books about the wars of Japan all year round. Everyday, many children on summer holidays visit this corner as August 15, the War Memorial Day, approaches closer.

 

 

中級問題 65 「青色ダイオードの集魚灯」

 

水産庁は8月12日、イカ釣り漁の集魚灯に、青色系発光ダイオード(LED)を光源として使う民間研究を支援する方針を固めた。発電に必要な燃料費を現行の白色ランプの十分の一以下に抑えられる可能性があり、同庁は漁業経営の効率化や環境保全に役立つと期待する。3年後の実用化を目指している。

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 27 February 12

 

"Blue LED for Use in Fishing Lamp”  

 

On August 12, the Fisheries Agency has decided to support a private research to use a blue light-emitting diode (LED) lamp as a fishing lamp for the squid. The blue LED lamp can reduce the fuel cost for electricity generation to less than 10% of the conventional incandescent lamp, thereby leading to more efficient fishery operations as well as improved environmental protection. The agency is aiming at commercializing the technology in 3 years.

 

添削

 

"Blue LED for Use in Fishing Lamp”  

 

On August 12, the Fisheries Agency has decided to support a private research to use a blue light-emitting diode (LED) lamp as a fishing lamp for the squid. The blue LED lamp can reduce the fuel cost for electricity generation to less than 10% of the conventional incandescent lamp, thereby leading to more efficient fishery operations as well as improved environmental protection. The agency is aiming at commercializing the technology in 3 years.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 12 April 11

 

Blue Diode is Used on Fishing Boat

 

On August 12, the Fishery Agency decided to support a private research that blue light-emitting diode(LED) is used in place of filament lamp on squid fishing boat. The researches are thinking that LEDs will keep less than one-tenth of fuel costs down than present filament lamps. Therefore, The Agency expects that It will lead to increase fish business efficiency and sea environment protection and achieves the pratical use of LED on the squid fishing boat in three years.

 

添削

 

Blue Diode is Used on Fishing Boats

 

On August 12, the Fishery Agency decided to support a private research that develops1 blue light-emitting diode(LED) lamps for squid fishing boats is used in place of filament lamps on squid fishing boat. The researches are expecting thinking that LEDs lamps will reduce2 keep fuel costs to less than one-tenth of fuel costs down than of the present filament lamps3. Therefore, The Agency expects that It LED lamps will lead to increase the efficiency of squad fishing business efficiency and improve the sea environment protection and The Agency plants to achieves the practical use of LED lamps on the squid fishing boats in three years.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       a private research that ~thatは研究のことですからThe research develops ~と続きます。

 

2.       reduceと直截な表現がよいでしょう。

 

3.       The new product will reduce fuel costs to less than one-tenth of (the fuel costs of) the present filament lamps. ですが、括弧内は省略できます。

 

添削後の文章

Blue Diode is Used on Fishing Boats

 

On August 12, the Fishery Agency decided to support a private research that develops blue light-emitting diode(LED) lamps for squid fishing boats in place of filament lamps. The researches are expecting that LED lamps will reduce fuel costs to less than one-tenth of the present filament lamps. Therefore, The Agency expects that LED lamps will lead to increase the efficiency of squad fishing business and improve the sea environment. The Agency plants to achieve the practical use of LED lamps on squid fishing boats in three years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Kalo, 7 November 10

 

"Fishing lamps Using Blue Light Emitting Diode”

 

On August 12, the Fishery Agency decided to support research in the private sector to develop a fishing lamp for squids that is composed of blue light-emitting diode (LED). Compared to an incandescent lamp, the LED fishing lamp can reduce fuel costs to generate electricity to less than one-tenth. The Agency expects that the LED fishing lamp will help to improve the efficiency of fishing operations and preserve the environment, aiming to put the lamp to practical use in three years.

 

添削

 

"Fishing lamps Using Blue Light Emitting Diode”

 

On August 12, the Fishery Agency decided to support research in the private sector to develop a fishing lamp for squids that would use is composed of a blue light-emitting diode (LED). Compared to an incandescent lamp, the LED fishing lamp can reduce fuel costs to generate electricity for its energy source1 to less than one-tenth. The Agency expects that the LED fishing lamp will help to improve the efficiency of fishing operations and preserve the environment. The Agency2 , aimings to put the lamp to practical use in three years.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       この補足説明があるほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       新しい文にしたほうが内容の印象が強くなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Fishing lamps Using Blue Light Emitting Diode”

 

On August 12, the Fishery Agency decided to support research in the private sector to develop a fishing lamp for squids that would use blue a light-emitting diode (LED). Compared to an incandescent lamp, the LED fishing lamp can reduce fuel costs to generate electricity for its energy source to less than one-tenth. The Agency expects that the LED fishing lamp will help to improve the efficiency of fishing operations and preserve the environment. The Agency aims to put the lamp to practical use in three years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(つぶあんこ、5 February 09

 

Fishing lamp of a Blue Light-Emitting Diode

 

The Fisheries Agency of Japan announced on August 12th that it would support a private research on using a Blue Light-Emitting Diode (LED) to collect squid for fishing. The technology may reduce the cost of generating light to less than one tenth of the current incandescent lamp. The Agency expects that the technology will make fishery management more efficient and also contribute to preserve environment. And the researchers aim to put the technology to practical use in three years.

 

添削

 

Fishing lLamps with1 of a Blue Light-Emitting Diode

 

The Fisheries Agency of Japan announced on August 12th that it would support a private research on using a Blue Light-Emitting Diode (LED) to for fishing lamps for collect squid for fishing2. The technology blue LED lamp3 may can reduce the cost of generating light  electricity for fishing lamps to less than one tenth of the current incandescent lamp. The Agency expects that the blue LED technology will make fishery management more efficient and also contribute to preserve environmental preservation. And4 tThe researchers aim to commercialize the blue LED fishing lamp put the technology to practical use in three years.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、幾つがわからないところがあります。

 

1.       Ofでも意味はわかりますが、集魚灯装置の中の光源を青色系発光ダイオードにする、という意味ではwith がよいでしょう。

 

2.       Collect squid for fishingとすると魚の餌にまずイカを捕る、といいう意味にも取れます。

 

3.       このように書くほうが読者に親切です。

 

4.       特に前の文との関連を強調する必要はないのでandは要りません。

 

添削後の文章

 

Fishing Lamps with a Blue Light-Emitting Diode

 

The Fisheries Agency of Japan announced on August 12th that it would support a private research on using a Blue Light-Emitting Diode (LED) for fishing lamps for squid fishing. The  blue LED lamp can reduce the cost of generating electricity for fishing lamps to less than one tenth of the current incandescent lamp. The Agency expects that the blue LED will make fishery management more efficient and also contribute to environmental preservation. The researchers aim to commercialize the blue LED fishing lamp in three years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、9 September 07

 

“Blue Light-Emitting Diode will be Applied to Squid Collecting Lamp”

 

On August 12, the Japanese Fisheries Agency decided to support a private company’s research to study how to apply blue light-emitting diode (blue LED) to the squid collecting lamp. The blue LED may enable to cut the energy cost to generate the light to less than one-tenth of current cost of white light bulbs. The agency expects LED will bring more efficient and environment-friendly fishing operations. They plan to put the research in practice three years later.

 

添削

 

“Blue Light-Emitting Diode will be Applied to Squid Collecting Lamp”

 

On August 12, the Japanese Fisheries Agency of Japan decided to support a private company’s research to study how to apply blue light-emitting diode (blue LED) to the squid collecting lamp. The blue LED may enable fishermen1 to cut the energy cost to generate electricity for squid colleting lamps the light to less than one-tenth of current cost of white light bulbs. The aAgency expects that LED will bring more efficient and environment-friendly fishing operations. They plan to put commercialize the LED squid collecting amps the research in practice three years later2.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       enable A to do Bという形にするとわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       「3年後の実用化を目指している」は具体的に表現するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Blue Light-Emitting Diode will be Applied to Squid Collecting Lamp”

 

On August 12, the Fisheries Agency of Japan decided to support a private company’s research to study how to apply blue light-emitting diode (blue LED) to the squid collecting lamp. The blue LED may enable fishermen to cut the energy cost to generate electricity for squid colleting lamps to less than one-tenth of current white light bulbs. The Agency expects that LED will bring more efficient and environment-friendly fishing operations. They plan to commercialize the LED squid collecting amps in three years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(TOMOKO, 9 Sept 03

 

Fishing Light with Blue Light-Emitting Diode”

 

On August 12, 2003, the Fisheries Agency established a new policy that the Agency would support private research for using a blue light-emitting diode (LED) as a squid fishing light source. The blue LED may reduce fuel costs required to generate electricity to 10 percent or lower of the cost for the current white LED. The Agency expects that the blue LED will contribute to efficient fishery management and environmental conservation. The light aims to go into practical use in three years.

 

添削

 

Fishing Light -Lamp with a Blue Light-Emitting Diode”

 

On August 12, 2003, the Fisheries Agency established a new policy that the Agency would decided to1 support private research for using to use a blue light-emitting diode (LED) as a squid fishing- light source for fishing squids. The blue LED lamp2 may reduce fuel costs required to generate electricity to 10 percent or lower of the cost for- the current white incandescent lamp LED. The Agency expects that the blue LED lamp will contribute to efficient fishery management and environmental conservation. The light3 and -aims to go into practical use commercialize it in three years.

 

コメント

 

TOMOKOさんは水産庁、青色系発光ダイオードなどの英訳をよく調べてから、日本文を丁寧に英文で表現しています。

 

「支援する方針を固めた」は日本文に忠実に英文で表現するとTOMOKOさんの投稿のようになりますが、内容的には「支援することに決めた」と同じですから添削のように簡単にできます。

 

「青色系発光ダイオード(LED)を光源として使う」は「青色系発光ダイオード(LED)を光源として使う電球」のことですから、ここでは具体的にthe blue LED lampとしました。

 

主語を水産省にするとThe Fisheries Agency aims to commercialize it in three years. 「主体が〜する」という形になります。電球を主語にすれば、The blue LED lamp is aimed to be developed in three years. と受動態になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Fishing -Lamp with a Blue Light-Emitting Diode”

 

On August 12, 2003, the Fisheries Agency decided to support private research to use a blue light-emitting diode (LED) as a - light source for fishing squids. The blue LED lamp may reduce fuel costs required to generate electricity to 10 percent or lower of the - the current white incandescent lamp. The Agency expects that the blue LED lamp will contribute to efficient fishery management and environmental conservation and -aims to commercialize it in three years.

 

 

中級問題 66 「屋上緑化の問題点」

 

屋上緑化は全国で大流行になった。緑は眼にやさしく、潤いをもたらし、また都市を熱くするヒートアイランド現象の緩和にも役立つ。しかし、東京の学校やビル10万棟(およそ5千万平方メートル)の屋上緑化をすると雨の少ない30日間に約2千万立方メートルの水が必要になる。これは多摩湖二つ分の貯水量に相当し、渇水時には水不足になりかねない。

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 27 February 12

 

"Flip Side of Green Roof” 

 

A green roof, or a roof of a building covered with vegetation, is booming nationwide. Green plants are gentle to our eyes, enrich our lives and mitigate the heat island effect by lowering urban air temperatures. But, if green roofs are to be installed at 100 thousand of schools and buildings in Tokyo (about 50 million square meters), approximately 20 million cubic meters of water will be required for 30 days in the dry season. This volume is twice as much as the water in Lake Tama and large enough to cause serious water shortage in a long spell of dry weather.

 

添削

 

"A Flip Side of the Green Roof” 

 

A green roof, or a roof of a building covered with vegetation, is booming popular nationwide. Green plants are gentle to our eyes, enrich our lives and mitigate the heat island effect by lowering urban air temperatures. But, if green roofs are to be installed at 100 thousand of schools and buildings in Tokyo (about 50 million square meters), approximately 20 million cubic meters of water will be required for 30 days in the dry season. This volume is twice as much as the water in Lake Tama and large enough to cause a serious water shortage in a long spell of dry weather.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"A Flip Side of the Green Roof” 

 

A green roof, or a roof of a building covered with vegetation, is booming popular nationwide. Green plants are gentle to our eyes, enrich our lives and mitigate the heat island effect by lowering urban air temperatures. But, if green roofs are to be installed at 100 thousand of schools and buildings in Tokyo (about 50 million square meters), approximately 20 million cubic meters of water will be required for 30 days in the dry season. This volume is twice as much as the water in Lake Tama and large enough to cause a serious water shortage in a long spell of dry weather.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 15 April 11

 

Problems about Greenery on the Top of Buildings

 

Greenly on the rooftops of buildings are very popular nationwide. It, however, has its good points and bad points. Looking at green is good for our eyes and makes us refreshed. Furthermore, heat-island effect in urban areas is reducing by greenery.

 

But If we use the greenery to cover the rooftops of hundred thousand buildings and schools which are about fifty-million square meters wide in Tokyo, we need water of twenty-million square meters for thirty days in dry season. This amount is almost the same as twofold the Tama Lake's water. It will create a lack of water.

 

添削

 

Problems about with Greenery on the Rooftop Top of Buildings

 

Greenly on the rooftops of buildings are is very popular nationwide. It, hHowever1, it has its good points and bad points. Looking at something green is good for our eyes and makes us refreshed. Furthermore, heat-island effect phenomena in urban areas can is be reducing by greenery.

 

But If we use the greenery to cover the rooftops of hundreds and thousands of buildings and schools in Tokyo, the total area of rooftops will be2 which are about fifty-million square meters wide in Tokyo,. Then, we will need water of twenty-million square cubic meters of water for thirty days in the dry season. This amount is almost twice as much the same as twofold the amount of water in Tama Lake's water. and can It will create a lack of water shortage in Tokyo.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       howeverは投稿のように主語の後ろに入れることがおおいですが、ここでは主語はItと短いので、添削のようにしたほうが文の流れがよくなります。

 

2.       従属節は短くして、短期記憶に入れておく量をすくなくすると読みやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Problems with Greenery on the Rooftop 

 

Greenly on the rooftop is very popular nationwide. However, it has its good points and bad points. Looking at something green is good for our eyes and makes us refreshed. Furthermore, heat-island phenomena in urban areas can be reducing by greenery.

 

But If we use greenery to cover the rooftops of hundreds and thousands of buildings and schools in Tokyo, the total area of rooftops will be about fifty-million square meters. Then, we will need twenty-million cubic meters of water for thirty days in the dry season. This amount is almost twice as much as the amount of water in Tama Lake and can create a water shortage in Tokyo.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Kalo. 11 November 10

 

"Problems with Rooftop Gardening”

 

Rooftop gardening, or planting trees and flowers on the rooftop of a building, has been quite popular across the country. Lush greenery is easy with the eyes, makes living environments colorful and also helps to reduce the urban heat island.

 

But if rooftop gardens are created at 100 thousand of schools and other buildings in Tokyo (about 50 million squares), they will need roughly 20 millions cubic meters of water for 30 days during the dry season. This corresponds to roughly twice the amount of water in Tamako Lake and may result in the lack of water supply in a dry spell.

 

添削

 

"Problems with Rooftop Gardening”

 

Rooftop gardening, or planting trees and flowers on the rooftop of a building, is getting1 has been quite popular across the country. Lush greenery on the rooftop is easy with the eyes, makes a living environments1 colorful and also helps to reduce the urban heat island phenomenon.

 

But if rooftop gardens are created at 100 thousand of schools and other buildings in Tokyo (about 50 million squares meters), they we will need roughly 20 millions cubic meters of water for 30 days during the dry season. This corresponds is to roughly twice the amount of water in Tamako Lake and may result in the lack of shortage of water supply in a dry spell.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「全国で大流行になった」は、現在大流行している、ということで全国的にどこもかしこも屋上庭園にはなっていないのでは?

 

2.       ある一つの生活環境で代表してよいとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

 

"Problems with Rooftop Gardening”

 

Rooftop gardening, or planting trees and flowers on the rooftop of a building, is getting  popular across the country. Lush greenery on the rooftop is easy with the eyes, makes a living environment colorful and also helps to reduce the urban heat island phenomenon.

 

But if rooftop gardens are created at 100 thousand of schools and other buildings in Tokyo (about 50 million square meters), we will need roughly 20 millions cubic meters of water for 30 days during the dry season. This is roughly twice the amount of water in Tamako Lake and may result in the shortage of water supply in a dry spell.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(つぶあんこ、6 February 09

 

Problems with planting trees and flowers on the roof of buildings

 

Planting trees and flowers on the roof of buildings, so called roof gardening, is booming greatly across the country. Green plants have a positive effect on eyes and minds as well as contribute to reduce the heat island effect that exceptionally heats up cities in summer. But if the roof tops of one hundreds buildings such as schools and office buildings (around fifty million square meters) in Tokyo turn to green gardens, it will also demand around twenty million cubic meters of water for thirty days during the dry season. The volume is twice as much as water in Tamako Lake. The huge demand may exacerbate the water shortage in case of drought.

 

添削

 

Problems with planting trees and flowers on the roofs of buildings

 

Planting trees and flowers on the roofs of buildings, so called rooftop gardens gardening, is booming greatly across the country. Green plants have a positive soothing effects1 on eyes and minds as well as contribute to reduce the heat island effect that exceptionally heats up cities in summer. But if the roof tops of one hundreds thousand buildings such as schools and office buildings (around fifty million square meters) in Tokyo turn into green gardens, it they2 will require also demand around twenty million cubic meters of water for thirty days during the dry season. The volume is twice as much as the water in Tamako Lake. The huge demand for water may exacerbate the water shortage in case of drought.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、ビルディングの数が日本文と違いますね。

 

1.       いろいろなpositive effectがあるので、ここではsoothing effects とすこし具体的にしました。

 

2.       主節の主語はまだthe rooftops です。Suppose that the rooftops of ~. Then, this will require ~.という構造にすると、Suppose that ~のないよう全体をThisで表現できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Problems with planting trees and flowers on the roofs of buildings

 

Planting trees and flowers on the roofs of buildings, so called rooftop gardens, is booming across the country. Green plants have soothing effects on eyes and minds as well as contribute to reduce the heat island effect that heats up cities in summer. But if the rooftops of one hundred thousand buildings such as schools and office buildings (around fifty million square meters) in Tokyo turn into green gardens, they will require around twenty million cubic meters of water for thirty days during the dry season. The volume is twice as much as the water in Tamako Lake. The huge demand for water may exacerbate the water shortage in case of drought.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、11 September 07

 

"Problem of Planting the Rooftop Gardens"

 

Planting trees and grasses in the rooftop garden of buildings has been widespread across the country. Green plants ease our eyes and bring natural atmosphere as well as reduce heat island phenomenon. But Planting in all rooftop gardens of 100 thousands buildings  such as schools and business offices in Tokyo (about 50 million squares) requires around 20 millions cubic meters water in 30 days during the dry season. This amount is almost twice as much as the water of Lake Tama. Water may be short in the dry spell.

 

添削

 

"Problem of with Planting the Rooftop Gardens"

 

Planting trees and grasses in the rooftop garden of buildings has been widespread across the country. Green plants ease our eyes and bring a natural atmosphere as well as reduce the heat island phenomenon. But Pplanting trees and grass in all rooftop gardens of 100 thousands buildings such as schools and business offices in Tokyo (about 50 million squares meters) requires around about 20 millions cubic meters of water in for 30 days during the dry season. This amount is almost twice as much as the water of in Lake Tama. and will cause a shortage of water for other uses Water may be short in during the dry spell.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかりますが、最後の文は添削のようにすると分かりやすくなるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Problem with Planting the Rooftop Gardens"

 

Planting trees and grass in the rooftop garden of buildings has been widespread across the country. Green plants ease our eyes and bring a natural atmosphere as well as reduce the heat island phenomenon. But planting trees and grass in all rooftop gardens of 100 thousands buildings such as schools and business offices in Tokyo (about 50 million square meters) requires about 20 millions cubic meters of water for 30 days during the dry season. This amount is almost twice as much as the water in Lake Tama and will cause a shortage of water for other uses during the dry spell.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Prim, 15 Sept 03

 

“Problems of Roof Greening”

 

Roof greening has become very popular nationwide. Trees and flowers on the roof are soft to our eyes and make us feel comfortable. It is also useful for the heat-island phenomenon in the city by absorbing heat from the sun. If we want to plant trees and flowers on the roof of 100,000 schools and other buildings in Tokyo (roughly 50 million square-meters), we will need about 20 million cubic meters of water for the period of 30 days when rains are not enough. This will be equivalent to twice the amount of Lake Tama and may cause a general shortage of water for other uses.

 

添削

 

“Problems with Plating Trees and Flowers on the Roof of Building1 Roof Greening

 

Roof greening Planting trees and flowers on the roof of the building has become very popular nationwide. Trees and flowers on the roof are soft to please our eyes and make us feel comfortable soothe our mind2. It isThey are also useful for reducing the heat-island phenomenon in the city by absorbing heat from the sun. But planting trees and flowers on the roof requires water3. If we want to plant trees and flowers on the roof of 100,000 schools and other buildings in Tokyo (roughly 50 million square-meters), we will need about 20 million cubic meters of water for the period of 30 days when rains are not enough scarce4. This will be equivalent to twice the amount of water in Lake Tama and may cause a general shortage of water for other uses.

 

コメント

 

1.       「屋上緑化」はまだ定まった英語表現がないので、内容をplanting trees and flowers on the roof of the buildingと説明するのがよいと思います。もし屋上緑化が何回も文章の中に出てくるときには、最初にplanting trees and flowers on the roof of the building (greening of the rooftop) と説明して、2回目からはgreening of the rooftopを使います。

 

2.       投稿のままでもよいですが、please our eyes and soothe our mindと対比した表現にしました。

 

3.       説明の文を入れて後の文との関連をつけました。

 

4.       Primさんはここのところの日本文を整理して英文で表現しています。渇水期には雨が少ないということをはっきりさせるためにはnot enoughよりscarceがよいとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Problems with Plating Trees and Flowers on the Roof of Building”

 

Planting trees and flowers on the roof of the building has become very popular nationwide. Trees and flowers on the roof please our eyes and soothe our mind. They are also useful for reducing the heat-island phenomenon in the city by absorbing heat from the sun. But planting trees and flowers on the roof requires water. If we want to plant trees and flowers on the roof of 100,000 schools and other buildings in Tokyo (roughly 50 million square-meters), we will need about 20 million cubic meters of water for the period of 30 days when rains are scarce. This will be equivalent to twice the amount of water in Lake Tama and may cause a general shortage of water for other uses.

 

中級問題 66B 「廃棄炭鉱の火事」

 

米ペンシルベニア州の炭鉱跡地で40年余りも地下の石炭層が燃え続け、周囲の森林が焼き尽くされたり、道路が陥没するなどなど環境問題が深刻化している。地下火災が起きたのは一九六二年。町のごみ焼却場の炎が地下の石炭層に引火し、瞬く間に燃え広がった。炭鉱は1950年代半ばに閉山したが、約4千万トンが地下深くに眠っているといわれる。  40年余りで既に東京ドーム42個分に相当する約2百万平方メートルが焼失したが残りの石炭が燃え尽きるのには、あと少なくとも200年かかる。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 29 February 12

 

"Fire in the Closed Coal Mine” 

 

A coal seam fire has been smoldering for some 40 years at a closed coal mine in Pennsylvania, causing serious environmental problems like burning out of surrounding forests and subsidence of roads around. The fire started in 1962 when a fire set at a trash incineration pit in the town spread to the vein of coal underneath the pit, lighting the subsequent subterranean fire. The coal mine is said to have left 40 million tons of coal intact deep under the underground when it was closed in the midst of 1950’s. These past 40 years, about two million square meter of the coal mine, forty-two times as large as Tokyo Dome, has burned out. Yet, at least 200 more years will be needed before the fire completely burns itself.

 

添削

 

"A Fire in the Closed Coal Mine” 

 

A coal seam fire has been smoldering for some 40 years at a closed coal mine in Pennsylvania, causing serious environmental problems like burning out of surrounding forests and subsidence of roads around. The fire started in 1962 when a fire set at a trash incineration pit in the town spread to the vein of coal underneath the pit, lighting the subsequent subterranean fire. The coal mine is said to have left 40 million tons of coal left intact deep under the underground when it was closed in the midst middle of 1950’s. Over Tthese past 40 years, about two million square meter of the coal mine,; that was roughly forty-two times as large as Tokyo Dome, has burned out. Yet, at least 200 more years will be needed before the fire completely burns itself out.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"A Fire in the Closed Coal Mine” 

 

A coal seam fire has been smoldering for some 40 years at a closed coal mine in Pennsylvania, causing serious environmental problems like burning out of surrounding forests and subsidence of roads around. The fire started in 1962 when a fire set at a trash incineration pit in the town spread to the vein of coal underneath the pit, lighting the subsequent subterranean fire. The coal mine is said to have 40 million tons of coal left intact deep under the underground when it was closed in the middle of 1950’s. Over these past 40 years, about two million square meter of the coal mine; that was roughly forty-two times as large as Tokyo Dome, has burned out. Yet, at least 200 more years will be needed before the fire completely burns itself out.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 15 April 11

 

Fire in the Closed Coal Mine Site in Pennsylvania

 

Environment problems are very serious in closed coal site in Pennsylvania in the US. Due to the underground coal-seam fire for forty years, the forests were burned and the roads sagged.

 

It started burning from a town's garbage incineration plant to the underground coal-seam in 1962. The coal mine which perhaps kept the coals of forty-million ton in the underground was closed in the mid-1950s. Since then, over the last forty years it has already burned on two million square meters wide which is the same as forty-twofold the Tokyo Dome. At least two hundred more years will be needed till It all burns out.

 

添削

 

A Fire in the Closed Coal Mine Site in Pennsylvania

 

Environment problems are becoming1 very serious at in a closed coal mine site in Pennsylvania, the United States in the US. Due to as an the underground coal-seam fire keeps burning for the last forty years, burning down the forests were burned and the and sagging down roads around sagged.

 

It The fire at the coal mine2 started when a fire burning from at a town's garbage incineration plant ignited to the an underground coal-seam in 1962. The coal mine which perhaps has kept the coals of forty-million tons of coal in the underground was closed in the mid-1950s. Since then, oOver the last forty years since then, it the fire has already burned on out about two million square meters of coal ,wide which is as large the same as forty-twofold the Tokyo Domes. Yet, Aat least two hundred more years will be needed before the fire till It all burns out all coal.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       現在進行形にすると臨場感がでます。

 

2.       短い文章ですが、名詞を繰り返したほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A Fire in the Closed Coal Mine  in Pennsylvania

 

Environment problems are becoming very serious at a closed coal mine in Pennsylvania, the United States as an underground coal-seam fire keeps burning for the last forty years, burning down forests and sagging down roads around .

 

The fire at the coal mine started when a fire at a town's garbage incineration plant ignited   an underground coal-seam in 1962. The coal mine which perhaps has forty-million tons of coal in the underground was closed in the mid-1950s. Over the last forty years since then,  the fire has already burned out about two million square meters of coal, which is as large  as forty Tokyo Domes. Yet, at least two hundred more years will be needed before the fire burns out all coal.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 14 December 10

 

"Fire in the Closed Coal Mine”

 

A coal-seam fire has been burning over forty years at the old site of a coal mine in Pennsylvania. The fire has burnt out the surrounding forests and caved in the roads, causing serious environmental problems.

 

The fire started in 1962, when burning trash at a garbage pit caught the underground coal seam on fire, and then progressed so quickly. The coal mine was closed in the middle of 1950s but it is said that there are still some forty million tons of coal in the coal mine.

 

For the past forty years, about 2 million square meters of the coal mine, forty-two times larger than Tokyo Dome, has burnt out, but it will take at least 200 years for the rest of the coal to completely burn out.

 

添削

 

"Fire in the Closed Coal Mine”

 

A fire in the under-ground coal-seam fire has been burning over the last forty years at an the old coal mine site of a coal mine in Pennsylvania. The fire has also burnt out the surrounding forests and caved in the roads, causing serious environmental problems.

 

The fire started in 1962, when burning trash at a garbage pit caught the underground coal seam on fire, and then progressed so quickly. The coal mine was closed in the middle of 1950s but it is said that there are still some forty million tons of coal in the coal mine.

 

For the past forty years, about 2 million square meters of the coal mine, forty-two times larger as large as than Tokyo Dome, has have burnt out., but iIt will take at least 200 more years for the rest of the coal to be completely burn out.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Fire in the Closed Coal Mine”

 

A fire in the under-ground coal-seam has been burning over the last forty years at an old coal mine site in Pennsylvania. The fire has also burnt out the surrounding forests and caved in the roads, causing serious environmental problems.

 

The fire started in 1962,when burning trash at a garbage pit caught the underground coal seam on fire, and then progressed so quickly. The coal mine was closed in the middle of 1950s but it is said that there are still some forty million tons of coal in the coal mine.

 

For the past forty years, about 2 million square meters of the coal mine, forty-two times as large as Tokyo Dome, have burnt out. It will take at least 200 more years for the rest of the coal to be completely burn out.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(つぶあんこ、14 February 09

 

A fire in the closed coal mine site

 

At a closed coal mine site in Pennsylvania, a fire in a coal seam has lasted for more than forty years. The fire brought serious environmental hazards such as burning down the surrounding forest and collapsing the road above the site. The underground fire broke out in 1962. The flame of the refuse incineration plant in the town spread to the coal seam and extended itself in the blink of an eye in the underground. The coal mine was closed in the mid -1950’s but it is said that there is still about forty million tons of coal in the deep underground.

 

Around two million square meters of the coal mine site, which is equivalent of forty-two times as large as the Tokyo Dome, has already burned out for forty and more years. But it will take at least two hundred more years that the rest of the coal burns out.

 

添削

 

A fire in the closed coal mine site1

 

At a closed coal mine site in Pennsylvania, a fire in a the coal seam2 has lasted been burning for more than forty years. The fire brought serious environmental hazards damages such as a burn-out of burning down the surrounding forest in the surrounding area and collapses of collapsing the roads above the site3. The underground fire broke out in 1962. when the The flame from an of the refuse incineration plant in the town spread to the a coal seam in the mine and extended itself quickly to the whole underground coal mine4 in the blink of an eye in the underground. The coal mine was closed in the mid -1950’s but it is said that there is still about forty million tons of coal in the deep underground.

 

Around two million square meters of the coal mine site, which is equivalent of forty-two times as large as the Tokyo Domes, has already burned out for forty and more years. Bu tbut it will take at least two hundred more years that before the rest of the coal burns out.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       closed mineとあるので現在は閉山されていることがわかりますからsiteはいりません。

 

2.       この炭鉱の石炭層ですからthe coal seamがよいでしょう。

 

3.       A burn-out, collapsesと名詞にしたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

4.       「瞬く間」とありますが、民家の火事と違い、地下の石炭層の火事ですから、「瞬きをする間に燃え広がった」とはおもえません。

 

添削後の文章

 

A fire in the closed coal mine

 

At a closed coal mine in Pennsylvania, a fire in the coal seam has been burning for more than forty years. The fire brought serious environmental damages such as a burn-out of the forest in the surrounding area and collapses of the roads above the site. The underground fire broke out in 1962 when the flame from an incineration plant in the town spread to a coal seam in the mine and extended itself quickly to the whole underground coal mine. The coal mine was closed in the mid -1950’s but it is said that there is still about forty million tons of coal in the deep underground.

 

Around two million square meters of the coal mine site, which is equivalent of forty-two  Tokyo Domes, has already burned out but it will take at least two hundred more years before the rest of coal burns out.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(さくら、12 September 07

 

"Fire in the Abandoned Coal Mine"

 

The underground coal layer in an abandoned coal mine in Pennsylvania State, U.S. has been burning for around 40 years. The woods around the site were burned out and the road fell down in many places. The surrounding environment is deteriorating. The fire started in 1962 when the flame from garbage incineration plant ignited the underground coal layer. It was instantly spread. The coal mine was closed in the middle of 1950s, but they say that some 40 million tons of coal still remains in the mine. For forty years, two million square meters of the coal layer which is 42 times as large as Tokyo Dome was already burned out. It will take at least 200 years to burn out all of the coal.

 

添削

 

"Fire in the Abandoned Coal Mine in Pennsylvania"

 

The underground coal layer in an abandoned coal mine in Pennsylvania State, U.S. has been burning for around more than 40 years. The woods forests around the site were burned out down and the road fell down into the mine in many places. The surrounding environment is deteriorating. The fire started in 1962 when the a flame from a nearby garbage incineration plant ignited the underground coal layer. It The fire was instantly spread in the coal mine. The coal mine was closed in the middle of 1950s, but they say that some 40 million tons of coal still remains in the mine. For Over the last forty years, two million square meters of the coal layer which is 42 times as large as Tokyo Dome was has already burned out. but It will take at least 200 more years to burn out all of the coal in the mine.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。ちょこちょこと添削して読みやすくしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Fire in the Abandoned Coal Mine in Pennsylvania"

 

The underground coal layer in an abandoned coal mine in Pennsylvania State, U.S. has been burning for more than 40 years. The forests around the site were burned down and the road fell down into the mine in many places. The surrounding environment is deteriorating. The fire started in 1962 when a flame from a nearby garbage incineration plant ignited the underground coal layer. The fire instantly spread in the coal mine. The coal mine was closed in the middle of 1950s, but they say that some 40 million tons of coal still remains in the mine. Over the last forty years, two million square meters of the coal layer which is 42 times as large as Tokyo Dome has already burned out but It will take at least 200 more years to burn out all of the coal in the mine.

 

 

中級問題 67 「浅間山の噴火」

 

浅間山で今年2月、13年ぶりに噴火が確認された。これまで四回、いずれも微小で、明らかなマグマの上昇は見られず、山ろくに危険が及ぶような噴火は当面はないと考えられている。だが、過去に激しい活動を繰り返した日本を代表する火山だけに、地元では次の動きを注意深く見守っている。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 4 March 12

 

"The Eruption of Mount Asama” 

 

In February this year, Mount Asama erupted for the first time in thirteen years. All of the 4 eruption so far observed were small, showing no indication of the magma welling up. Experts say there will be no major eruption that could endanger the foot of the volcano. However, given that the mountain is notorious for its violent volcanic activities in the past, local people are carefully monitoring how the things will develop.

 

添削

 

"The Eruption of Mount Asama” 

 

In February this year, Mount Asama erupted for the first time in thirteen years. All of the 4 four eruptions so far observed so far this year were small, showing no indication of the magma welling up. Experts say there will be no major eruption that could endanger people living at the foot of the volcano. However, given that the mountain is notorious for its violent volcanic activities in the past, local people are carefully monitoring how the things will develop.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"The Eruption of Mount Asama” 

 

In February this year, Mount Asama erupted for the first time in thirteen years. All of the four eruptions observed so far this year were small, showing no indication of the magma welling up. Experts say there will be no major eruption that could endanger people living at the foot of the volcano. However, given that the mountain is notorious for its violent volcanic activities in the past, local people are carefully monitoring how the things will develop.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 16 April 11

 

Eructation on the Mount Asama

 

The Mount Asama erupted fore times this February for the first time in thirteen years. But the eructation was very small and the figure of magma didn't obviously go up. The serious eructations that would affect the villages on the foot of the mountain don't seem to occur for a while. Local residents keep monitoring the mountain because the mountain is famous volcano that represents Japan with its active eructation history.

 

添削

 

Eructation The Eruption of on the Mount Asama

 

The Mount Asama erupted fore four times this February for the first time in thirteen years. But the eructation eruption was very small and the figure of magma didn't obviously move go up. The A serious eruption eructations that will would affect the villages on the foot of the mountain is not likely don't seem to occur for a while. Local residents keep monitoring the mountain because the mountain is famous for its violent volcanoic activities in the past and is one of major volcanoes in that represents Japan with its active eructation history1.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「過去に激しい活動を繰り返した日本を代表する火山だけに」は連体形の日本文ですが、英文では添削のように二つに分けたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Eruption of Mount Asama

 

Mount Asama erupted four times this February for the first time in thirteen years. But the eruption was very small and the magma didn't obviously move up. A serious eruption that will affect the villages on the foot of the mountain is not likely to occur for a while. Local residents keep monitoring the mountain because the mountain is famous for its violent volcanic activities in the past and is one of major volcanoes in Japan.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 21 December 10

 

"Mount Asama Erupted”

 

In February this year, Mount Asama erupted for the first time in thirteen years. So far, four eruptions have been observed. But all of the eruptions were small and no signs have been confirmed that the magma coming up toward the crater. There has been also no likelihood that a major eruption will affect the foothills of the volcano. However, local people are watching Mount Asama carefully because it had a series of explosive eruptions in the past.

 

添削

 

"Mount Asama Erupted”

 

In February this year, Mount Asama erupted for the first time in thirteen years. So far, four eruptions have been observed. But all of the eruptions were small and no signs have been confirmed that the magma was coming up toward the crater. There has been also no likelihood of that a major eruption that1 will affect the foothills of the volcano. However, local people are carefully watching Mount Asama carefully2 because it had a series of explosive eruptions in the past.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       この文章構造のほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       最近は日本語風に副詞を動詞の前に置くことが多くなっています。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Mount Asama Erupted”

 

In February this year, Mount Asama erupted for the first time in thirteen years. So far, four eruptions have been observed. But all of the eruptions were small and no signs have been confirmed that the magma was coming up toward the crater. There has been also no likelihood of a major eruption that will affect the foothills of the volcano. However, local people are carefully watching Mount Asama because it had a series of explosive eruptions in the past.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、20 September 07

 

“Explosions at Mt. Asama”

 

In February of this year, explosions were confirmed at Mt. Asama for the first time in thirteen years. So far, four small explosions were observed but the magmas did not ascend yet. Big explosions which will affect mountainsides are not supposed to occur for a while. Close attention should be paid because Mt. Asama is one of the most active volcanoes in Japan which has ever had big explosions many times.

 

添削

 

“Explosions at Mt. Asama”

 

In February of this year, several explosions were confirmed at Mt. Asama for the first time in thirteen years. So far, four small explosions were observed but the magmas did not ascend yet. Big explosions which will can endanger and properties in the foothills1 affect mountainsides are not supposed to occur for a while. However, Cclose attention should be paid because Mt. Asama is one of the most active volcanoes in Japan which has ever had big explosions many times in the past.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。火山の噴火はa volcanic eruptionかなとおもって辞書を引くと、When a volcano erupts, it throws out a lot of hot, melted rock called lava, as well as ash and steam.とあります。この浅間山の噴火では溶岩の噴出はなかったので、eruptionsよりexplosionsが適当でしょうね。

 

1.       affect the mountainsideとすると、噴火が山の中腹が変形する、という意味に取れます。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Explosions at Mt. Asama”

 

In February this year, several explosions were confirmed at Mt. Asama for the first time in thirteen years. So far, four small explosions were observed but the magma did not ascend yet. Big explosions which can endanger and properties in the foothills are not supposed to occur for a while. However, close attention should be paid because Mt. Asama is one of the most active volcanoes in Japan which had big explosions many times in the past.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Jasmine, 23 Sept 03

 

“Eruptions of Mt. Asama”

 

In February this year, several eruptions were observed at Mt. Asama after 13 years. Four minor eruptions took place but no upward movement of magma was observed. At present, it is considered that there will be no major eruption that can endanger the foothills. Nevertheless, people are watching Mt. Asama closely because it is one of the most famous volcanoes in Japan that has a history of violent volcanic activities in the past.

 

添削

 

“Eruptions of on Mt. Asama”

 

In February this year, several eruptions were observed at Mt. Asama after 13 years, which had been dormant for 13 years1. Four minor eruptions took place but no upward movement of magma was observed. At present, it is considered appears2 that there will be no major eruption that can could endanger people and properties3 in the foothills. Nevertheless3, local people are watching Mt. Asama closely because it is one of the most famous active4 volcanoes in Japan that has a history of violent volcanic activities activity in the past.

 

コメント

 

1.       after the last eruption 13 years agoとしてもよいですが、添削では少し説明を加えました。

 

2.       「〜と考えられている」という表現は日本文によくあります。「火山の専門家は〜と考えている」という文を受身形で表現して「火山の専門家」を省略しています。英文でもIt is considered that…という形はありますが、このときの隠れた主語は「世の中の人一般」を指す場合が多く、この日本文の例のように隠れた主語が特定の人の時は It is considered by volcano researchers that…としないと文が曖昧な感じになります。添削ではit appears that…としました。これでも隠れた主語は表に出てきませんが、「(私がが専門家に話をきいたところによると)〜のようだ。」という感じになり、it is said that…とより内容の表現が積極的になります。

 

3.       この文脈で文と文をつなげるのに適当な副詞ですね。

 

4.       Famous の内容を具体的にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Eruptions on Mt. Asama”

 

In February this year, several eruptions were observed at Mt. Asama, which had been dormant for 13 years. Four minor eruptions took place but no upward movement of magma was observed. At present, it appears that there will be no major eruption that could endanger people and properties in the foothills. Nevertheless, local people are watching Mt. Asama closely because it is one of the most active volcanoes in Japan that has a history of violent volcanic activity in the past.

 

 

中級問題 68 「インターネットの架空請求」

 

ネットのサイト利用料など使った覚えがないインターネットのサイト利用料などの支払いを、はがきやメール、電話などで脅迫的に要求される「架空請求」の被害が後を絶たない。無視すれば金銭面での実害はないが、精神的な苦痛は大きい。振込先の口座がある銀行に訴えれば、銀行側が調査し、口座を閉鎖することもある。業者に請求をやめさせるには、口座番号を銀行に連絡し、対策を求めることが有効だ。

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 4 March 12

 

"Billing Frauds on Internet” 

 

There seems to be no end to the number of billing frauds which call for your payments for services you have never received such as an internet access charge for a particular site. The fraudulent bills come to you in the form of postcards, emails or phone calls, often with a threatening tone. You can simply ignore the bills without suffering any tangible monetary damage. Still, you may suffer mental anguish. You may want to ask for help from the bank having an account to which you are requested to remit your payment. The bank will investigate and may close the account. Reporting the account number of the shady payee to the bank and soliciting their investigation is an effective way to stop the fraudulent company from sending you the fake invoices.

 

添削

 

"Billing Frauds on Internet” 

 

There seems to be no end to the number of billing frauds on the Internet which call for your payments for services you have never received such as an internet access charge for a particular site. The fraudulent bills come to you in the form of postcards, e-mails or phone calls, often with a threatening tone. You can simply ignore the bills without suffering any tangible monetary damage. Still, you may suffer mental anguish. You may want to ask for help from the bank having an account to which you are requested to remit your payment. The bank will investigate your complain and may close the account. Reporting the account number of the a shady payee to a the bank and soliciting their investigation is an effective way to stop the fraudulent company from sending you any more the fake invoices.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Billing Frauds on Internet” 

 

There seems to be no end to the number of billing frauds on the Internet which call for your payments for services you have never received such as an internet access charge for a particular site. The fraudulent bills come to you in the form of postcards, e-mail or phone calls, often with a threatening tone. You can simply ignore the bills without suffering any tangible monetary damage. Still, you may suffer mental anguish. You may want to ask for help from the bank having an account to which you are requested to remit your payment. The bank will investigate your complain and may close the account. Reporting the account number of a shady payee to a bank and soliciting their investigation is an effective way to stop the fraudulent company from sending you any more fake invoices.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 16 April 11

 

Billing Fraud on the Internet

 

Many people are victimized by billing fraud on the Internet. They are threateningly claimed payment of Internet sites that they never use by letters, e-mails and phone calls. If they ignore bills, they don't have financial damages, but it remains mental damages.

 

The bank could check the account number and close this account if they report their damages to a bank that has the account number of a billing fraud.  The effective way to put a stop to billing frauds is that they should inform the bank about the bank account number to be used for the billing fraud.

 

添削

 

Billing Fraud Billing on the Internet

 

Many people are victimized by billing fraud billing on the Internet. The victims1 They are threateninglyed to make claimed payment to an of Internet sites that they have never used by letters, e-mails and phone calls. If they ignore bills, they don't have any financial damages, but may still suffer2 it remains mental damages.

 

The A bank can could check the account number of a fraud bill and close this account if they a victim of such a fraud reports his/her their damages to a bank that has the account number of a billing fraud.  The An effective way to put a stop to billing frauds billing is that they a victim should informs the bank about the bank account number to be used for the billing fraud billing.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、They are threateningly claimed payment of Internet sites that they never use by letters, e-mails and phone calls. If they ignore bills, they don't have financial damages, but it remains mental damages. の内容がよくわかりません。

 

1.       この文章にはいろいろな登場人物がいるので、代名詞を使わずに名詞で人物がすぐにわかるようにします。

 

2.       この文の前半の主語がtheyですから、後半もこの主語にします。並列文のなかで主語を変えると内容がわかりにくくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Fraud Billing on the Internet

 

Many people are victimized by fraud billing on the Internet. The victims are threatened to make payment to an Internet site that they have never used by letters, e-mails and phone calls. If they ignore bills, they don't have any financial damage but may still suffer mental damage.

 

A bank can check the account number of a fraud bill and close this account if a victim of such a fraud reports his/her damage. An effective way to put a stop to fraud billing is that a victim informs the bank about the bank account number to be used for the fraud billing.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Kalo, 19 December 10

 

"Billing Fraud Involving Internet Use”

 

Billing fraud cases involving Internet use are rampant. Victims are forced by threatening mail, e-mail or call to pay the bill for a website they don’t remember having visited.

 

You can avoid financial damage as long as you ignore such a bill but you may suffer mental anguish. To prevent fraud billing, one of the measures you can take is to ask a bank for cooperation. You can ask a bank to investigate the account you are threatened to pay into. The bank will close the account if they find it is used for billing fraud.

 

添削

 

"Billing Fraud on the Involving Internet Use

 

Billing fraud cases involving on the Internet use are is rampant. Victims are sometimes forced into paying a fraudulent bill for a website they don’t remember having visited1 by threatening mail, e-mail or a telephone call to pay the bill for a website they don’t remember having visited.

 

You can avoid financial damage as long as you ignore such a bill but you may suffer mental anguish. To prevent billing fraud billing, one of the measures you can take is to ask a bank  which has an account2 where you are supposed to send your payment to for cooperation. You can ask a The bank can to investigate the account you are threatened to pay into. The bank and will close it the account down3 if they find that the account it is used for billing fraud.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       ここに入れた方がよいでしょう。

 

2.       どのような銀行かを最初に説明したほうがよいでしょう。

 

3.       The bank investigates and closes it down.と続いたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Billing Fraud on the Internet ”

 

Billing fraud on the Internet is rampant. Victims are sometimes forced into paying a fraudulent bill for a website they don’t remember having visited by threatening mail, e-mail or a telephone call 

 

You can avoid financial damage as long as you ignore such a bill but you may suffer mental anguish. To prevent billing fraud, you can ask the bank which has an account where you are supposed to send your payment to. The bank can investigate the account and close it  down if they find that the account is used for billing fraud.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(あすか、31 January 10

 

"Online Bill Fraud"

 

There seems to be no end of online crimes where internet service companies send users the invoice which charges unused internet site fees by mails and e-mails, or threats by phone calls. If you ignored the bill, you would get rid of the payment but cause emotional discomfort. If you claim the bank had transferred the account, the bank will be investigated the account and may close it. To stop sending the bill, you have to take some measures, such as calling the bank and notifying the account number of the fraud company.

 

添削

 

"Online Bill Fraudulent Billing on the Internet"

 

There seems to be no end of to internet online crimes in which you receive a bill by e-mail, letter or telephone from where internet service a companiesy on the internet for its service which you have never used  send users the invoice which charges unused internet site fees by mails and e-mails, or threats by phone calls. If you ignored the bill, you don’t lose any money would get rid of the payment but suffer some cause emotional discomfort. If you inform claim the bank to which you are supposed to send your payment had transferred the account, the bank will be investigated the account of this fraudulent company and may close it. To stop the fraudulent company sending a the bill to you, you have to take some measures, such as the above example calling the bank and notifying the account number of the fraud company.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容に構文上の問題があり、内容がわかりません。いろいろな人、会社が文章の中に出てくるの、まずそれらの間の関係を理解、整理してから、英文で表現するとよいでしょう。インターネット上にサイトを持ちある種のサービスを提供している会社がある。あなたはこの会社から電子メール、葉書、電話で使った覚えのないサービス料金を請求される。これらの請求を無視しておけば、実害はない。架空請求を止める一つの方法は、この会社のサービス料金の支払い先に指定されている銀行口座を持つ銀行に電話して事情を説明することである。銀行はこの会社の内容を調査して、必要があれば口座を閉鎖する。

 

添削後の文章

 

" Fraudulent Billing on the Internet"

 

There seems to be no end to internet online crimes in which you receive a bill by e-mail, letter or telephone from a company on the internet for its service which you have never used. If you ignored the bill, you don’t lose any money but suffer some emotional discomfort. If you inform the bank to which you are supposed to send your payment, the bank will investigate the account of this fraudulent company and may close it. To stop the fraudulent company send a bill to you, you have to take some measures such as the above example .

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、24 September 07

 

“Billing fraud for Internet Use”

 

Billing frauds which force Internet users to pay access fees for web sites by mail, e-mail or telephone continue to be sent. The users do not actually access to those web sites. If you ignore those notices, you do not suffer from practical damage, but you often get mental damage. When you report it to the bank whose account criminals instruct to pay to, the bank will research the account owner and close the account. To stop the billing fraud, it is effective to report the account number to the bank and ask for any solutions.

 

添削

 

Fraudulent Billing fraud for Internet Users

 

Fraudulent Bbilling frauds for unused Internet web services which force Internet users to pay access fees for web sites by mail, e-mail or telephone continues to be sent. The users do not actually access to those web sites. If you ignore those the billing notices, you do not suffer from any financial practical damage, but you often get mental damage anguish. When you report it to the bank whose account criminals the fraudster instructs you to pay into, the bank will research the account owner and close the account. To stop the such fraudulent billing fraud, it is effective to report the account number to the bank and ask for any solutions.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、キーセンテンスのBilling frauds which force Internet users to pay access fees for web sites by mail, e-mail or telephone continue to be sent.の意味がはっきりしません。下線部分が「ウェブへのアクセス料金を手紙、電子メール、電話で支払う」となります。このような意味になるのはbilling fraudsbillingが請求書という意味があり、billing continues to be sent.と続くからです。you often get mental damageは怖い話ですが、ではどうして精神障害になるのかな、と疑問が生じます。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Fraudulent Billing for Internet Users”

 

Fraudulent billing for unused Internet web services by mail, e-mail or telephone continues to be sent. If you ignore the billing, you do not suffer any financial damage, but you often get mental anguish. When you report it to the bank whose account the fraudster instructs you to pay into, the bank will research the account owner and close the account. To stop such fraudulent billing, it is effective to report the account number to the bank.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(ケン、15 Sept 03

 

“Fake Invoices on the Internet”

 

Fake invoices for unused services are still prevalent on the Internet. Some fake invoices are sent to people by regular mail and e-mail with threatening contents. If receivers of such fake invoice ignore them, they can avoid any financial damage. But they suffer mentally. When the invoice has a bank account for payment, people can contact the bank with which the account is registered. The bank can investigate and may close the account. This is an effective way of stopping the sender of the fake invoice send any further invoice.

 

添削

 

“Fake Invoices on the Internet”

 

Fake invoices for unused services are still prevalent on the Internet. Some fake invoices are sent to people by regular mail and e-mail with threatening contents1. If rReceivers of such fake invoices can ignore them, they can and avoid any financial damages2. Bbut they suffer mentally mental anguish. When the invoice has a bank account for payment, people can contact the bank with which the account number is registered3. The bank can investigate and may close the account. This is an effective way of stopping the sender of the fake invoice from sending any further invoices.

 

コメント

 

1.       ケンさんは「ネットのサイト利用料など使った覚えがないインターネットのサイト利用料などの支払いを、はがきやメール、電話などで脅迫的に要求される「架空請求」の被害が後を絶たない。」を日本文の構造のとらわれずに内容を整理して上手に英文で表現しています。「架空請求」を主語にして文を簡明にしています。

 

2.       「無視すれば金銭面での実害はない。」は「もし〜すれば、〜である。」の英文の形もつかえますが、添削のようにすると内容が強く表現できます。

 

3.       添削のように省略できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Fake Invoices on the Internet”

 

Fake invoices for unused services are still prevalent on the Internet. Some fake invoices are sent to people by regular mail and e-mail with threatening contents. Receivers of such fake invoices can ignore them and avoid any financial damages but they suffer  mental anguish. When the invoice has a bank account for payment, people can contact the bank with the account number. The bank can investigate and may close the account. This is an effective way of stopping the sender of the fake invoice from sending any further invoices.

 

 

中級問題 69 「国民年金保険料の強制徴収」

 

国民年金保険料の納付率が過去最悪となった問題で社会保険庁は14日までに、所得や財産があるにもかかわらず保険料を納めない悪質な未納者約1万人をリストアップして強制徴収に乗り出す方針を決めた。9月にも全国の社会保険事務局にリスト作成を指示。最終的な督促にも応じない場合は、預貯金などの差し押さえ手続きに入る構えだ。差し押さえの実施は来年になるとみられる。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 4 March 12

 

"Compulsory Collection of National Pension Premiums” 

 

In the wake of record low collection rate of the national pension premiums, the Social Insurance Agency has decided on August 14 to embark on compulsory collection of the premiums from about 10 thousand gross delinquents who are not paying in spite of being able to. The agency is going to instruct all its local offices to prepare the lists of deadbeats as early as September. Should those on the blacklist ignore the final demand for payment, the agency will immediately go through the procedure for garnishing their liquid assets. The procedure including the garnishment will be enforced next year.

 

添削

 

"Compulsory Collection of National Pension Premiums” 

 

In the wake of record low collection rate of the national pension premiums, the Social Insurance Agency has decided on August 14 to embark on compulsory collection of the premiums from about 10 thousand gross delinquents who are not paying in spite of being able to. The agency is going to instruct all its local offices to prepare the lists of deadbeats as early as September. Should those on the blacklist ignore the final demand for payment, the agency will immediately go through the procedure for garnishing their liquid assets. The procedure including the garnishment will be enforced next year.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 20 April 11

 

National Pension Insurance is Collected by Force

 

The rate of national pension payment reached the lowest record. Following this problem, the Social Insurance Agency announced the plan to ensure full payment from people who haven't paid for the national pension insurance intentionally although they have stable source of income and their property. 

 

This September, the Agency gives instruction to the social insurance offices nationwide to make a list of ten thousand people who haven't paid for the national pension insurance. Then each insurance office urges the pension insurance payment to listed people. If some people still refuse or ignore the payment until the last minute, the office informs their bank and goes through procedure to attach their assets such as the deposit. Their assets will be in foreclosure next year.

 

添削

 

National Pension Insurance Premiums1 are is Collected by Force

 

The rate of people paying in the national pension premiums payment has reached the lowest record. To overcome Following this problem, the Social Insurance Agency announced a the plan to ensure full payment from people who haven't paid for the national pension insurance premiums intentionally although they have stable sources of income and financial assets their property. 

 

This September, the Agency will gives an instruction to the social insurance offices nationwide to make a list of ten thousand people who haven't paid for the national pension insurance premiums. Then each insurance office will urges those on the list to pay2 their the pension insurance premiums payment to listed people. If they some people still refuse or ignore their payments until the last minute, the office informs their banks and goes through the procedure to garnishee attach their assets such as their deposits. This last procedure of garnisheeing Ttheir assets will be put into practice in foreclosure next year.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、The rate of national pension payment reached the lowest record.the office informs their bank and goes through procedure to attach their assets such as the deposit. Their assets will be in foreclosure next year. のところがわかりません。

 

1.       保険料は一般的にa premiumといいます。

 

2.       I urge you to take my advice.という形になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

National Pension Premiums are Collected by Force

 

The rate of people paying in the national pension premiums has reached the lowest record. To overcome this problem, the Social Insurance Agency announced a plan to ensure full payment from people who haven't paid the national pension premiums intentionally although they have stable sources of income and financial assets. 

 

This September, the Agency will give an instruction to the social insurance offices nationwide to make a list of ten thousand people who haven't paid the national pension  premiums. Then each insurance office will urge those on the list to pay their pension premiums. If they still refuse or ignore their payments, the office informs their banks and goes through the procedure to garnishee their assets such as their deposits. This last procedure of garnisheeing their assets will be put into practice next year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(さくら、27 September 07

 

“Compulsory Collection of National Pension Premiums”

 

The Social Insurance Agency decided on 14th that it would start to collect the national pension premiums compulsorily from about ten thousand people who were listed as malicious cases because they had not paid premiums even though they afforded to pay it. This year, the payment rate of the national pension premiums has become the worst level in the past. In September the agency is going to instruct to all its insurance offices across the country to list up citizens who do not pay the premiums. The agency will not hesitate to order for attachment of saving money of those who refuse to pay premiums against the final calls. The implementation of the attachment will start next year.

 

添削

 

“Compulsory Collection of National Pension Premiums”

 

The Social Insurance Agency has decided on the14th that it would start to collect the national pension premiums compulsorily from about ten thousand people who were listed as malicious cases because they had not paid their premiums even though they could afforded to pay it them. This year, the payment collection rate of the national pension premiums has become reached the worst level in the past. In September the aAgency is going to instruct to all its insurance offices across the country to list up citizens who have do not pay paid their premiums. The aAgency will not hesitate to garnishee their order for attachment of savings money of those who if they refuse to pay their premiums after against the final calls notices. The implementation of this new policy the attachment will start next year.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。attachmentに法律用語で「差し押さえ」という意味があるのを知りませんでした。もう少し一般的なgarnisheeを使いました。the payment rate of the national pension premiumsは文脈から「納付率」のことだろうと推測できますが、保険料の割合、というように解釈できるので紛らわしいです。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Compulsory Collection of National Pension Premiums”

 

The Social Insurance Agency has decided on the14th that it would start to collect the national pension premiums compulsorily from about ten thousand people who were listed as malicious cases because they had not paid their premiums even though they could afford to pay them. This year, the collection rate of the national pension premiums has reached the worst level. In September the Agency is going to instruct all its insurance offices across the country to list up citizens who have not paid their premiums. The Agency will not hesitate to garnishee their savings if they refuse to pay their premiums after the final notices. The implementation of this new policy will start next year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 17 June 07

 

Compulsory Collection of National Pension Premiums

 

The Social Insurance Agency plans to enforce compulsory collection from malicious delinquents in an effort to cope with the record-high rate of unpaid national pension premiums. The agency will call on local social insurance offices as early as September to list some 10,000 malicious delinquents who don't pay their national pension premiums although they can afford to. The agency also plans to seize assets from delinquents on the list who ignore the final notice of payment. But the plan is unlikely to put into practice within this year.

 

添削

 

Compulsory Collection of National Pension Premiums

 

The Social Insurance Agency plans to enforce compulsory collection of National Pension Plan premiums1 from on2 malicious delinquents in an effort to cope with the record-high rate of unpaid national pension premiums. The agency will call on local social insurance offices as early as September3 to list some 10,000 malicious delinquents who don't pay their national pension premiums although they can afford to and start strongly urge them to pay their premiums. If the final notice of payment is ignored4, Tthe agency also plans to seize their assets from delinquents on the list who ignore the final notice of payment. But this final measure for collecting premiums the plan is unlikely to put into practice within this year.

 

コメント

 

1.       タイトルにNational Pension Plan premiumsと入っていますが、本文にも入れたほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       enforce compulsory collection of premiums on delinquents, enforce compulsory payment of premiums from delinquents  となります。collectionpaymentと動作の主体が違いますね。

 

3.       問題に日付を正確に入れるのを忘れましたが、2003年8月の新聞記事に基づいた問題でした。当時、国民年金保険料の未納問題が浮上して、有力閣僚まで保険料を払うのを忘れていた、ということでした。

 

4.       強制徴収がどのような手段をとるのか覚えていませんが、預貯金などの差し押さえが最後の手段だったと思います。seize their assetsとすると不動産の含めた差し押さえですが、預貯金の差し押さえならばseize their savingsになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Compulsory Collection of National Pension Premiums

 

The Social Insurance Agency plans to enforce compulsory collection of National Pension Plan premiums on malicious delinquents in an effort to cope with the record-high rate of unpaid national pension premiums. The agency will call on local social insurance offices as early as September to list some 10,000 malicious delinquents who don't pay their national pension premiums although they can afford to and start strongly urge them to pay their premiums. If the final notice of payment is ignored, the agency plans to seize their assets. But this final measure for collecting premiums is unlikely to put into practice within this year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(TOMOKO, 4 Aug 03

 

Forcibly Collecting “National Pension Premiums”

 

On August 14, 2003, the Social Insurance Agency finalized a policy in which the agency will list approximately 10,000 vicious people, who have failed to pay the national pension premiums although they have incomes or property, and then collect the premiums forcibly from them as a countermeasure against the worst nonpayment ratio. The agency is directing social insurance offices throughout Japan to make up the lists as early as September. If they continue ignoring even the final reminder, the agency intends to seize their deposits and savings, or others. The seizure is expected to be carried out next year.

 

添削

 

Forcibly Collecting “Compulsory Collection of1 National Pension Plan Premiums”

 

On August 142, 2003, the Social Insurance Agency finalized a new policy in which that3 the aAgency4 will would5 list approximately 10,000 vicious people, who have had failed to pay the national pension premiums although they have had incomes or and property assets6, and then collect the premiums. forcibly from them The new policy will be adopted7 as a countermeasure against the worst non-payment ratio that the Agency has encountered. The aAgency is directing social insurance offices throughout Japan to make up the a lists as early as September. If they those on the list8 continue ignoring to ignore even the final reminder, the aAgency intends to seize their deposits and savings., or others9. But Tthe seizure is expected to be carried out next year.

 

コメント

 

TOMOKOさんは日本文の内容を丁寧に英文で表現しています。投稿のままでも内容はよくわかります。添削は投稿をすこし読みやすくしました。

 

1.       動詞を使って見出しをつけるのはよいアイディアですが、Forcibly collecting…というのが少し語感が良くないように思えるので、クラシックにCompulsory Collection of National Pension Premiumsとしました。

 

2.       日本文の「14日までに」はよく考えると何を14日までにするのか不明ですね。

 

3.       That以下がこのあららしい方針の内容になります。

 

4.       the agency でも良いですが、The Social Insurance Agency を略してthe Agencyと表現する方法があります。The Social Insurance Agency (SCI)としてthe SCI または単にSCIとする方法もあります。

 

5.       動詞の時制の一致の問題ですが、発表したのは過去でも実際に方針を実地するのは未来なのでwillとする使い方も現在ではありますが、ここでは時制の一致に従ってwouldにしました。Viciousは「乱暴で冷酷な」という意味合いが強く「ずるい」という感じから遠いので省きました。この文章な後半でどんな人たちか説明してあるので単にpeopleでよいと思います。

 

6.       収入と財産の財産は銀行貯金、郵便貯金などのことだとおもいますから、assetsのほうがよいとおもいます。Propertyは不動産の意味になります。

 

7.       文が長くなるのでここ切って新しい文にしました。

 

8.       They の指す人たちと離れていることと、The Agencyで働く人たちもtheyですから、ここではthose (who are) on the list と明確にしました。

 

9.       日本文では「預貯金などの」となっていて「その他」のものがあるような印象ですが、なんだかわからないので英文では省いてよいと思います。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Compulsory Collection of National Pension Premiums”

 

On August 14, 2003, the Social Insurance Agency finalized a new policy that the Agency would list approximately 10,000 people who had failed to pay the premium although they had income and assets and collect the premium. The new policy will be adopted as a countermeasure against the worst non-payment ratio that the Agency has encountered. The Agency is directing social insurance offices throughout Japan to make up a list as early as September. If those on the list continue to ignore the final reminder, the Agency intends to seize their deposits and savings. But the seizure is expected to be carried out next year.

 

 

中級問題 70 「うどんタクシー」

 

香川県琴平町のタクシー会社が、うどんの有名店巡りを担当する専門ドライバーを独自に養成、8月15日から「うどんタクシー」として営業する。観光客からの要望に応えたもので、景気の冷え込んでいる中、うどんブームが生んだ新たな需要に期待が高まっている。

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 12 March 12

 

"The Udon Taxi” 

 

On August 15, a taxi company at Kotohira Town in Kagawa Prefecture will launch a new service, called “udon taxi” whereby drivers specially trained in-house take tourists to popular udon restaurants in the town, concurrently servicing as tour guides. This is to accommodate increasing requests from tourists. Amid the ongoing economic slump, the town of Kotohira, and the taxi company as well are raising their expectations for the new business opportunity created by the udon boom.

 

添削

 

"The Udon Taxi” 

 

On August 15, a taxi company at in Kotohira Town, in Kagawa Prefecture will launch a new service, called “udon taxi” whereby drivers specially trained in-house take tourists to popular udon (Japanese noodle soup)1 restaurants in the town, concurrently servicing as tour guides. This is to accommodate increasing requests from tourists, reflecting the current udon boom. Amid the ongoing economic slump, the tTown of Kotohira, and the taxi company as well are raising their expectations for the new business opportunity created by the udon boom.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       私の町(人口110万)のスーパーにはいろいろインスタントラーメン(米国製、カナダ製、韓国製、日本製)があふれていますが、うどんは乾麺、冷凍麺、生麺がアジア製品のスーパーにおいてあるだけで、まだ日常食品として消費者に浸透していません。インスタントラーメンは一般的にはinstant noodle soupとよばれ、他のスープ類と同じところに置いてあります。スープとはいうものの野菜サラダの上に乾いたままのインスタントラーメンを手でほぐして混ぜる、という食べ方のあります。というわけで、北米ではudonはまだ広く認識された日本語ではないでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"The Udon Taxi” 

 

On August 15, a taxi company in Kotohira Town, Kagawa Prefecture will launch a new service, called “udon taxi” whereby drivers specially trained in-house take tourists to popular udon (Japanese noodle soup) restaurants in the town, concurrently servicing as tour guides. This is to accommodate increasing requests from tourists, reflecting the current udon boom. Amid the ongoing economic slump, the Town of Kotohira and the taxi company are raising their expectations for the new business opportunity created by the udon boom.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 22 April 11

 

The Udon Taxi

 

A taxi company in Kotohira Town in Kanagawa Prefecture has trained its special drivers so that they can start a new service called "Udon Taxies" from August 15. Udon taxies are that the special trained drivers are in charge of making a tour of famous udon noodle restaurants in Kotohira Town. The new service is to meet visitor's request. The taxi company is expecting to create new demand by a recent udon boom during the economy recession.

 

添削

 

The Udon Taxi

 

A taxi company in Kotohira Town in Kanagawa Prefecture has trained its special 1 drivers so that they can start a new service called "Udon Taxies" from on2 August 15. The special drivers of Udon taxies3 are that the special trained drivers are in charge of making taking customers to a tour of famous udon noodle restaurants in Kotohira Town. The new service is to meet requests of visitor's to the town request. The taxi company is expecting to create new demand for its services by the a recent udon boom to fight during the current economy economic recession.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       trained its special driversとすると「会社の運転手の中の特別な人たちを訓練した」となります。trained special drivers for the Udon driversとすれば、「うどんタクシーのために特別な運転手を訓練した」となります。itsがあるかないかで意味が違ってきます。

 

2.       start something on August 15となります。

 

3.       運転手を主語にすると文構造が簡単になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Udon Taxi

 

A taxi company in Kotohira Town in Kanagawa Prefecture has trained its drivers so that they can start a new service called "Udon Taxies" on August 15. The special drivers of Udon taxies are in charge of taking customers to a tour of famous udon noodle restaurants in Kotohira Town. The new service is to meet requests of visitors to the town. The taxi company is expecting to create new demand for its services by the recent udon boom to fight the current economic recession.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Kalo, 21 December 10

 

"Udon Taxi”

 

A taxi company in Kotohira-cho, Kagawa Prefecture, is starting a new service called “Udon taxi”. Udon, a noodle soup, is a local specialty in the prefecture and so far the company has hold training courses for its drivers so that they can learn more about Udon. The drivers will serve as a tour guide and introduce you to popular Udon restaurants in the town. This service will start in response to tourist’s requests. Taking advantage of the current Udon popularity, Udon taxi is expected to create a new demand for tourists in the tough economic time.

 

添削

 

"Udon Taxies1

 

A taxi company in Kotohira-cho, Kagawa Prefecture, is starting a new service called “Udon taxi”. Udon, a noodle soup, is a local specialty in the prefecture. and so far tThe taxi company has been offering hold a training courses for its drivers so that they can learn more about Udon. The drivers will serve as a tour guides and introduce you to popular Udon restaurants in the town. This service will start in response to tourist’s requests. Taking advantage of the current Udon popularity, Udon taxies are is expected to create a new demand for Udon2 in the tough economic time.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       サービスはUdon service、このサービスを提供するタクシーは複数にしてUton taxiesがよいでしょう。

 

2.       a new demand for Udon, a new supply of touristsとなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Udon Taxies”

 

A taxi company in Kotohira-cho, Kagawa Prefecture, is starting a new service called “Udon taxi”. Udon, a noodle soup, is a local specialty in the prefecture. The taxi company has been offering a training course for its drivers so that they can learn more about Udon. The drivers will serve as tour guides and introduce you to popular Udon restaurants in the town. This service will start in response to tourist’s requests. Taking advantage of the current Udon popularity, Udon taxies are expected to create a new demand for Udon in the tough economic time.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(P&C, 15 July 08

 

"The Udon Noodles Taxi"

 

A taxi company at Kotohira Town in Kagawa Prefecture has trained on its own special taxi drivers who can guide visitors to famous shops of udon noodles. From August 15, the company starts the service "the udon noodles taxi" in response to needs of visitors who want to eat delicious udon noodles. Business has been poor at the carrier of taxi. The company is going to ride on the rising wave of new demand for udon in the udon noodles boom.

 

添削

 

"The Udon Noodles Taxi"

 

A taxi company at Kotohira Town in Kagawa Prefecture has trained on some of its own special taxi drivers so that they who can guide visitors to famous shops of udon noodles restaurants in the town. On From August 15, the company will starts the this service called "the udon noodles taxi" in response to needs the requests of visitors who want to eat delicious udon noodles. Because of the current economic recession, Bbusiness has been poor for at the carrier of taxi taxi services in the town. The company is going to ride on the rising wave of new demand for udon in the current udon noodles boom1.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「景気の冷え込んでいる中、うどんブームが生んだ新たな需要に期待が高まっている。」をP&Cさんは「タクシー業界の景気が冷え込んでいる」と解釈していますが、「地域経済全体が冷え込んでいるので、うどんブームを起爆剤にして町の景気を回復させたい。」という解釈もできます。

 

添削後の文章

 

A taxi company at Kotohira Town in Kagawa Prefecture has trained some of its drivers so that they can guide visitors to famous udon noodles restaurants in the town. On August 15, the company will start this service called "the udon noodles taxi" in response to the requests of visitors who want to eat delicious udon noodles. Because of the current economic recession, business has been poor for taxi services in the town. The company is going to ride on the wave of the current udon noodles boom.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(さくら、28 September 07

 

“Taxi for a Famous Needle shops tour”

 

A taxi company in Kotohira Town in Kagawa Prefecture will start a new business called “Taxi for a needle shops tour” on August 15th, which taxi drivers guide the visitors to the famous needle shops. The taxi company nurtures the drivers who are familiar with those needle shops. This attempt is made to meet the requests from the visitors. With the recent economic recession, the local people expect new business opportunities raised by a needle boom.

 

添削

 

“Taxi for a Famous Needle Noodle shops Restaurant tTour”

 

A taxi company in Kotohira Town in Kagawa Prefecture will start a new business called “Ttaxi for a needle noodle shops restaurant tour” on August 15th, by which taxi drivers guide the visitors to the famous needle noodle restaurants shops in the town. The taxi company nurtures the drivers who are familiar with those needle noodle restaurants shops. This attempt service is made to meet the requests from the visitors. In With the current recent1 economic recession, the local people expect hope2 that the noodle boom creates new business opportunities for the town raised by a needle boom.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかりますが、琴平町が針の生産で有名だとは知りませんでした。日本文の内容に合わせて添削しました。

 

1.       この記事の時期にはまだ不況ですから、in the current economic recessionになります。

 

2.       新たな需要が起こる可能性が高ければ expectですが、新たな需要が起こって欲しい、ならhopeです。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Taxi for a Famous Noodle Restaurant Tour”

 

A taxi company in Kotohira Town in Kagawa Prefecture will start a new business called “taxi for a noodle restaurant tour” on August 15th, by which taxi drivers guide visitors to famous noodle restaurants in the town. The taxi company nurtures the drivers who are familiar with those noodle restaurants. This service is to meet the requests from visitors. In the current economic recession, local people hope that the noodle boom creates new business opportunities for the town .

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(あすか、24 Aug 07

 

"Udon Taxi"

 

A taxi company at Kotohira, Kagawa Prefecture, will start a tour of famous udon restaurants (Japanese thick wheat noodles) from August 15. The drivers in charge of the "udon taxis" are taking a training of the tour of the original way of the company. This tour was brought by the tourists' request.

 

During a cooling down of the economy, the town of Kotohira are hoping that the new business what is called "udon taxi" will bring about a greater success with the udon boom.

 

添削

 

"Udon Taxis"

 

On August 15, Aa taxi company at Kotohira, Kagawa Prefecture, will start a new service to take customers tour of to famous udon restaurants2 (Japanese thick wheat noodles soup3) in the town on from August 15. The drivers in charge of the "udon taxis" are taking a special training in familiarizing themselves with the udon restaurants. of the tour of the original way of the company1. This tour services is to respond to popular requests by was brought by the tourists' request.

 

During In spite of the current economic recession4, a cooling down of the economy, the tTown of Kotohira are hopes hoping that the new business what is called "udon taxi" will bring in more tourists to the town by taking advantage of about a greater success with the udon boom.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、The drivers in charge of the "udon taxis" are taking a training of the tour of the original way of the company.の下線部分の意味がわかりません。

 

2.       投稿のままですと、どうしてタクシー会社がうどん店を回って歩くのかな、と思うので、a service to take customers to udon restaurantsとするとよいでしょう。

 

3.       北米では汁に入った麺類をnoodle soupと呼んでいます。日本では汁の中のうどんに注目しますが、このような料理の少ない北米では、一番近いものが「具の入ったスープ」でスープのほうに重点が行くのが面白いですね。

 

4.       「景気の冷え込んでいる中、うどんブームが生んだ新たな需要に期待が高まっている。」は「現在景気は冷え込んでいる。」、「現在、うどんブームが起こっている。」、「うどんタクシーは観光客を呼ぶ。」の三つの内容を含んでいます。どのようにすると、この三つの要素を論理的につなぐ事が出来るか、が問題です。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Udon Taxis"

 

On August 15, a taxi company at Kotohira, Kagawa Prefecture, will start a new service to take customers to famous udon restaurants (Japanese thick wheat noodle soup) in the town. The drivers in charge of the "udon taxi" are taking a special training in familiarizing themselves with the udon restaurants. This services is to respond to popular requests by  tourists.

 

In spite of the current economic recession, the Town of Kotohira hopes that the "udon taxi" will bring in more tourists to the town by taking advantage of the udon boom.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Linda, 23 Sept 03

 

“Udon Taxis”

 

On August 15, a taxi company at Kotohira, Kagawa Prefecture, will start “Udon taxi” services. The taxi drivers at the company will be briefed on famous Udon restaurants in the town and can take tourists to those stores if requested. The company hopes to take advantage of the Udon boom in spite of the current economic recession.

 

添削

 

“Udon Taxis”

 

On August 15, a taxi company at Kotohira, Kagawa Prefecture, will start “Udon taxi” services1. The taxi drivers at the company will be briefed on famous Udon udon2 restaurants in the town and can take tourists to those stores restaurants if requested. The company hopes to take advantage of the Udon udon boom in spite of the current economic recession.

 

添削

 

1.       日本文の内容は、まず専門ドライバーを養成してから、うどんタクシーを8月15日に開始する、ですが、英文ではLindaさんのように順序を入れ替えてたほうが内容の印象が強くなります。

 

2.       うどんはudonと小文字で書きます。英語圏の読者がうどんを知っていることを前提にしています。うどんの説明が必要なときにはudon (Japanese wheat noodle)とします。他にsoba (Japanese buckwheat noodle), ramen (Japanese-style Chinese noodle soup) などもあります。 かけうどん、かけそば、ラーメンのようにスープにめんの入ったものはnoodle soupといいます。

 

私の友人で香港育ちの中国人で日本料理が好きな人がハワイに観光に行きました。「ハワイは日本料理店が多くて良かった。」というので「何が一番好きだった?」と訊ねると「らめんが安くておいしかった。」といいました。友人にはラーメンは日本料理のようです。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Udon Taxis”

 

On August 15, a taxi company at Kotohira, Kagawa Prefecture, will start “Udon taxi” services. The taxi drivers at the company will be briefed on famous udon restaurants in the town and can take tourists to those restaurants if requested. The company hopes to take advantage of the udon boom in spite of the current economic recession.