トップページに戻る。

 

中級練習問題の添削 31−40

 

中級問題 31 「少なくなるお年玉(26 Feb 03) (31 Dec 06) (25 May 08) (31 Dec 09)

(23 Apr 10) (21 Sept 11) (23 Oct 11)

中級問題 32 「自治体のパート職員増加」(26 Feb 03) (3 Jan 07) (3 Oct 07) (26 Sept 11)

(23 Oct 11)

中級問題 33 「JR舞鶴腺の踏み切り事故」(26 Feb 03) (4 Jan 07) (3 May 10)

(26 Sept 11) (28 Oct 11)

中級問題 34 「タンチョウ鶴の死傷事故の急増」(16 March 03) (7 Jan 07) (6 Oct 07)

(26 Sept 11) (26 Oct 11)

中級問題 35 「最悪の失業率」(1 March 03) (8 Jan 07) (5 Oct 07) (1 July 08) (2 Oct 11)

(6 Nov 11)

中級問題 36 「青森に韓国からのスキー客」(16 Mach 03) (9 Jan 07) (5 June 08)

(25 June 10) (2 Oct 11) (6 Nov 11)

中級問題 37 「交通事故死の減少」(1 March 03) (12 Jan 07) (6 June 08) (18 Aug 10)

(2 Oct 11) (11 Nov 11)

中級問題 38 「防犯関連商品の販売が急伸」(21 March 03) (13 Jan 07) (9 June 08)

(22 Aug 10) (18 Oct 11) (9 Nov 11)

中級問題 39 「少ない外国人観光客」(21 March 03) (14 Jan 07) (1 Jan 10) (3 Nov 10)

(18 Oct 11) (11 Nov 11)

中級問題 40 「京都議定書の発効まじか」(22 March 03) (15 Jan 07) (1 Oct 07)

(20 July 08) (3 Jan 10) (18 Oct 11) (14 Nov 11)

 

中級問題 31 「少なくなるお年玉」

 

長引く不景気の影響で、今年、子どもたちが受け取った「お年玉」も、昨年に比べて少なくなった。お年玉の金額は、小学生では二万円から四万円の範囲が過半数を占めた。平均で九人からお年玉をもらっている。金額を昨年と比べると、減った子どもが48%で、増えたの23%のほぼ二倍の割合だった。

 

読者からの投稿 7(Lucca, 23 October 11

 

Decrease New Years Cash Gifts

 

This year, children received the less amount of money as New Years cash gifts than the previous year due to the prolonged recession. A majority of primary school children received the cash gifts from 20 thousand to 40 thousand in total during New Year holidays from nine people on average. Compared to the previous year, forty-eight percent of children decreased the amount of the cash gifts and was twice as larger as twenty-three percent of children who increased the amount of them.

 

添削

 

Decrease New Years Cash Gifts Decrease

 

This year, children received the a less amount of money as the New Years cash gifts than last year the previous year due to the prolonged recession. A majority of primary school children received the a cash gifts of between from 20 thousand and to 40 thousand yen in total during the New Year holidays from nine people on average. Compared to the previous year, fForty-eight percent of children received less and decreased the amount of the cash gifts and was twice as larger as twenty-three percent of children received more than last year who increased the amount of them1.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       この部分の日本文の要約は添削のようになります。日本文の表現より、その内容だけをとったこのような英文のほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

New Years’ Cash Gifts Decrease

 

This year, children received a less amount of money as the New Years’ cash gift than last year due to the prolonged recession. A majority of primary school children received a cash gift of between 20 thousand and 40 thousand yen in total during the New Year holidays from nine people on average. Forty-eight percent of children received less and twenty-three percent of children received more than last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxttomi, 21 September 11

 

"Dwindling New Year's Gift Money”

 

Amid prolonged recession, Children this year received smaller amount of “Otoshidama”, New Year’s gift money, than last year. Amount-wise, a majority of elementary school kids received 20,000 to 40,000 yen of “Otoshidama”. They received the money from nine adults on average including their parents and relatives. As compared with last year, 48% of the kids received smaller amount of “Otoshidama”, while another 23% r

 

添削

 

"Dwindling Amounts of New Year's Gift Money”

 

Amid the prolonged recession, Cchildren this year received a smaller amount of “Otoshidama”, New Year’s gift money, than last year. Amount-wise, aA majority of elementary school kids received 20,000 to 40,000 yen of “Otoshidama”. They received the money from nine adults on average including their parents and relatives. As compared with last year, 48 %  Forty-eight percent of the kids received less and smaller amount of “Otoshidama”, while another 23%  twenty-three percent received more money than last year larger sum of money.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Dwindling Amounts of New Year's Gift Money”

 

Amid the prolonged recession, children this year received a smaller amount of “Otoshidama”, New Year’s gift money, than last year. A majority of elementary school kids received 20,000 to 40,000 yen of “Otoshidama”. They received the money from nine adults on average including their parents and relatives. Forty-eight percent of the kids received less and  twenty-three percent received more money than last year .

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Kalo, 23 April 10

 

"New Year’s Money Gifts Down amid Recession”

 

Amid the prolonged economic slump, the amount of money given to children on New Year’s Day has fallen from last year. More than half of elementary pupils received money ranging from 20,000 to 40,000 yen from an average of nine adults. 48 percent of the pupils received less money than last year, nearly doubling 23 percent of them who received more.

 

添削

 

"New Year’s Money Gifts Down aAmid Recession”

 

Amid the prolonged economic slump, the amount of money given to children on New Year’s Day has fallen from last year. More than half of elementary pupils received money ranging from 20,000 to 40,000 yen from an average of nine adults on average. Forty-eight1 48 percent of the pupils received less money than last year, while2 nearly doubling 23 twenty-three percent of them who received more.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       数字からはじまる文は、ここから文が始まるということがはっきりしないので、英語で表記するか、About 48 percent of ~ のように英単語を付けるとよいでしょう。23 percentのほうもこれにあわせて英語で表記しました。

 

2.       doubling 23 percentとするとdoublingという動作が何か重要な意味を持つようになります。単にパーセントの比較なら、nearly twice as large as 23 percent of them ~という表現もありますが添削のほうがはっきりするでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"New Year’s Money Gifts Down Amid Recession”

 

Amid the prolonged economic slump, the amount of money given to children on New Year’s Day has fallen from last year. More than half of elementary pupils received money ranging from 20,000 to 40,000 yen from  nine adults on average. Forty-eight percent of the pupils received less money than last year while twenty-three percent of them received more.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(あすか、31 December 09

 

"Less New Year's Cash Gifts"

 

The long recession have influenced children's New Year's cash gifts by reducing them than last year.  It is said that a majority of elementary students have received between 20,000 and 40,000 yen for the total cash gifts from 9 people on an average. Compared to the amount of last cash gifts, 48 % of children had less cash, and 23 % of children had an increased cash.

 

添削

 

"Less New Year's Cash Gifts Went Down1"

 

The long recession have has influenced children's New Year's cash gifts to children by reducing them than from last year.  It is said that aA majority of elementary school children2 students have received between 20,000 and 40,000 yen for the total cash gifts from nine 93 people on an average. Compared to the amount of last cash gifts last year, 48 % of children had received less cash, while4 and 23 % of children received more had an increased cash.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       複合名詞の主語なので文にしたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       「小学生の年齢の子供」と年齢が大切で、学生であることは大切ではないので、添削のような表現がよいでしょう。

 

3.       一桁の数字はアルファベットで表記したほうが文の中で落ち着きます。

 

4.       内容を対比するためにはandよりwhileが有効です。

 

添削後の文章

 

" New Year's Cash Gifts Went Down1"

 

The long recession has influenced New Year's cash gifts to children by reducing them from last year. A majority of elementary school children have received between 20,000 and 40,000 yen for the total cash gifts from nine people on average. Compared to the amount of  cash gifts last year, 48 % of children received less while 23 % of children received more.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(つぶあんこ、25 May 08

 

“Less Cash Gifts On New Year’ day”

 

On the New Year’s day, this year, children could receive just less amount of cash gifts than last year under the drawn-out recession. A majority of elementary school children got the total amount of cash gifts ranging from 20,000 to 40,000 yen this year. They received cash gifts from an average of nine adults. Forty eight percent of children received less amount of cash gifts this year than last year.  The ratio was twice as much as twenty three percent who received more cash gifts than last year.

 

添削

 

“Less Cash Gifts for On New Year’ s dDay Gifts1

 

On the New Year’s dDay, this year, children could received just2 less amount of cash gifts for their New Year’s Day cash gifts than last year, reflecting under the drawn-out recession. A majority of elementary school children received3 between got the total amount of cash gifts ranging from 20,000 and to 40,000 yen this year. They received cash gifts from an average of nine adults on average. Forty eight percent of them4 children received less amount of cash gifts this year than last year. while The ratio was twice as much as twenty three percent who received more cash gifts than last year5.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが、最期の文のThe ratioがわかりません。

 

1.       less cash giftsとするとお年玉の数が少ない、という意味にとるのが一般的でしょう。

 

2.       The current drawn-out recession is tough for children too. On New Year’s Day, children could just receive less cash ~.という順序にするとcould just receiveの意味がはっきりしますが、投稿のような文の構成のときは単にreceived less cashがよいでしょう。a smaller amount of cashamountが入るときはsmallerがよいでしょう。lessは一般的でsmallerは具体的です。

 

3.       前の文でお年玉の金額のことをいっているのはわかりますから、received between 20,000 and 40,000 yenでよいでしょう。

 

4.       themとすると文章ですでにでてきた小学生になります。childrenではまた子供一般に戻ってしまいます。

 

5.       「金額を昨年と比べると、減った子どもが48%で、増えたの23%のほぼ二倍の割合だった。」は添削のように二倍の割合を省略しても内容はよくわかります。二倍の割合を入れるときは. Forty eight percent of children received less amount of cash gifts this year than last year. The ratio This was twice as much many as twenty three percent who received more cash gifts than last year.とするとよいでしょう。ここでThisForty eight percent of childrenを指します。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Less Cash for New Year’ s Day Gifts”

 

On New Year’s Day this year, children received less cash for their New Year’s Day cash gifts than last year, reflecting the drawn-out recession. A majority of elementary school children received between 20,000 and 40,000 yen. They received cash gifts from nine adults on average. Forty eight percent of them received less cash this year than last year while  twenty three percent received more.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、31 December 06

 

"Decreased Money as a New Year's Gift"

 

This year, the children in Japan have gotten less amount of money as a New Year’s gift than last year because of the lingered recession. More than half of the children aged at elementary school grades got the money ranged from 20,000 to 40,000 yen. They were gifted money from nine people on average. The percentage of the children who got less amount of money than last year was 48 percents and this figure was twice as large as the children of 23 percents who got more money than last year.

 

添削

 

"Decreased Money Cash Gifts on as a New Year's Day1 Gift"

 

This year, the children in Japan have gotten a less amount of money as a the New Year’s cash gift than last year because of the lingered lingering2 recession. More than half of the children aged at of elementary school grades got the money ranged ranging2 from 20,000 to 40,000 yen. They were gifted money received cash gifts from nine people on average. The percentage of the children who got a less amount of money this year than last year was 48 percents and this figure was twice as large as the children of 23 percents who got more money this year than last year3.

 

コメント

 

1.       お年玉はNew Year’s cash giftとするとわかりやすいでしょう。クリスマスに贈り物をする習慣は欧米に広く有りますが、現金を贈り物にすることは少ないでしょう(私には経験がありません)。それで、ここにcash giftcashを入れました。

 

2.       the recession that has been lingering for a whileの省略形ですから、the lingering recessionになります。同様にthe money that ranged from 20,000 to 40,000 yenthe money ranging from 20,000 to 40,000 yenになります。

 

3.       今年と去年の比較がはっきりするようにthis yearを入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Decreased Cash Gifts on New Year's Day"

 

This year, children in Japan have gotten a less amount of money as the New Year’s cash gift than last year because of the lingering recession. More than half of the children of elementary school grades got the money ranging from 20,000 to 40,000 yen. They  received cash gifts from nine people on average. The percentage of the children who got a less amount of money this year than last year was 48 percent and this was twice as large as 23 percent who got more money this year than last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(夢、26 Feb 03

 

“A Decreasing Amount of New Year’s Gift”

 

The amount of gift that Japanese children receive on New Year’s Day has been reduced by a long recession in the economy. More than half of primary school age children received the total amount of 20,000 to 40, 000 yen. On average, they received a gift from nine people. Among the children, those who received less cash gifts this year than last year were 48 percent, while those who received more gifts this year than last year were 23 percent.

 

添削

 

A The Decreasing Amount of New Year’s Cash Gift”

 

The prolonged economic recession has had an impact on1 Tthe amount of cash gift that Japanese children receive on New Year’s Day has been reduced by a long recession in the economy. More than half of primary school age children received the a total amount of 20,000 to 40, 000 yen each2. On average, they received a cash gifts from nine people. Among the children, those who 48 percent of them 3received less cash gifts this year than last year were 48 percent, while those who 23 percent of them received more gifts this year than last year were 23 percent.

 

コメント

 

1.       「長引く不況が〜に影響を与えている。」と不況を主語にすると文が生き生きとします。

 

2.       「小学生では二万円から四万円の範囲が過半数を占めた。」で「過半数の小学生が〜」としたのは良いですね。

 

3.       48パーセントの子どもが〜、23パーセントの子どもが〜」とすると数字の比較がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

“The Decreasing Amount of New Year’s Cash Gift”

 

The prolonged economic recession has had an impact on the amount of cash gift Japanese children receive on New Year’s Day. More than half of primary school age children received a total amount of 20,000 to 40, 000 yen each. On average, they received cash gifts from nine people. Among the children, 48 percent of them received less cash gifts this year than last year, while 23 percent of them received more gifts this year than last.

 

 

中級問題 32 「自治体のパート職員増加」

 

自治体が福祉サービスの現場などを中心に、非常勤と臨時の職員を増やしている。人件費を削る一方で住民サービスのニーズの増大に応えるためだが、働く人からは「失業の不安が強い」「正規職員と同じ仕事なのに給料に大きな差がある」などと、待遇の改善を求める声が高まっている。 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 23 October 11

 

Local Governments Increase the Number of Part Timers and Temporary Workers

 

Local governments are increasing the number of part timers and temporary workers in public welfare facilities. This is because the governments are under pressure to the reduction of labor costs and expanding many services that residents want. However, these workers complain that, "We have a probability of becoming unemployed" and "Our pay are lower than the pay of regular staff despite the same job", appealing for better working conditions.

 

添削

 

Local Governments Increase the Number of Part Timers and Temporary Workers

 

Local governments are increasing the number of part timers and temporary workers in at public welfare facilities. This is because the governments are under pressure to the reduce reduction of labor costs and expanding many services that their residents want at the same time. However, these workers complain that, "We have a high risk of losing our jobs, probability of becoming unemployed" and "Our pays are lower than those the pay of the regular staff when we are doing despite the same jobs.", They appealing for better working conditions.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Local Governments Increase the Number of Part Timers and Temporary Workers

 

Local governments are increasing the number of part timers and temporary workers at public welfare facilities. This is because the governments are under pressure to reduce  labor costs and expand many services that their residents want at the same time. However, these workers complain, "We have a high risk of losing our jobs," and "Our pays are lower than those of the regular staff when we are doing the same jobs." They appeal for better working conditions.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 26 September 11

 

“Increasing Non-regular Employees in Local Government     

 

A host of local governments have been increasing the number of part-time employees and/or temporary employees to work mainly in the field of welfare services. Through this arrangement, they aim at meeting the increasing requirement for public services while achieving some manpower cost reduction. However there is a growing call for better working conditions from non-regular employees saying “We are under constant fear of job loss”, or “Why are we paid less than regular employees who are doing the same job as ours?”

 

添削

 

“Increasing Non-regular Employees in Local Governments     

 

A host of local governments have been increasing the number of part-time employees and/or temporary employees to work1 mainly in the field of welfare services. Through this arrangement, they aim at meeting the increasing requirement for public services while achieving some manpower cost reduction. However, there is a growing call for better working conditions from non-regular employees. They claim, saying “We are under constant fear of losing jobs loss”, or “Why are we paid less than regular employees who are doing the same jobs as ours?”

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       To workがあると「(他の仕事もするが)主に福祉サービスをする職員」という意味にとれます。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Increasing Non-regular Employees in Local Governments     

 

A host of local governments have been increasing the number of part-time employees and/or temporary employees mainly in the field of welfare services. Through this arrangement, they aim at meeting the increasing requirement for public services while achieving some manpower cost reduction. However, there is a growing call for better working conditions from non-regular employees. They claim, “We are under constant fear of losing jobs ”, or “Why are we paid less than regular employees who are doing the same jobs as ours?”

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 3 October 07

 

"Local Governments to Increase Part-time and Temporary Workers"

 

An increasing number of local governments are employing part-time and temporary workers, especially in the field of social welfare programs. Employing these workers who can be paid much less than full-time workers, the local governments say, allows them to cut payroll costs and allocate more budget for meeting growing needs of local residents. However, these part-time and temporary workers are demanding the improvement in their labor conditions, claiming that they are living in fear of job loss and that they are paid so much less than full-time workers even though their jobs are the same as those of full-time workers.

 

添削

 

"Local Governments to Increase Part-time and Temporary Workers"

 

An increasing number of local governments are employing part-time and temporary workers, especially in the field of social welfare programs. Employing these workers who can be paid much less than full-time workers, the local governments say, allows them to cut payroll costs and allocate more budget for meeting growing needs of local residents. However, these part-time and temporary workers are demanding the improvement in their labor conditions, claiming that they are living in fear of losing their jobs1 job loss and that they are paid so much less than full-time workers even though their jobs are the same as those of full-time workers.

  

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。内容がよく整理されていて読みやすいです。

 

1.       job loss caused by recession, job gain in tourism industriesなどで「雇用の喪失、雇用の増加」というように使いますが、ここでは一般的な雇用の喪失より、losing their jobsと具体的にしたほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Local Governments to Increase Part-time and Temporary Workers"

 

An increasing number of local governments are employing part-time and temporary workers, especially in the field of social welfare programs. Employing these workers who can be paid much less than full-time workers, the local governments say, allows them to cut payroll costs and allocate more budget for meeting growing needs of local residents. However, these part-time and temporary workers are demanding the improvement in their labor conditions, claiming that they are living in fear of losing their jobs and that they are paid so much less than full-time workers even though their jobs are the same as those of full-time workers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、3 January 07

 

"Enforcing the Part-Time Staff in Municipal Governments"

 

Municipal governments are enforcing part-time staff at the welfare service areas. This is aimed at meeting citizens’ needs as well as reducing labor costs. However, the part-time staff is calling for improvement of their working conditions including uncertainty about job security and lower wages than the regular staff. The part-time staff is claiming that they are on the same duty as the regular staff.

 

添削

 

"Enforcing the Increasing Part-Time Staff in Municipal Governments"

 

Municipal governments are enforcing increasing part-time staff at in the welfare service areas programs. They are aiming1 This is aimed at meeting citizens’ needs as well as reducing labor costs. However, the part-time staff is are calling for improvement of in their working conditions including uncertainty about job security and lower wages2. than the regular staff. The part-time staff is claiming They claim that their wages are lower than those of the regular staff even though they are on the same duty as the regular staff.

 

コメント

 

1.       This is aimed at ~とすると、thisは前の文の内容全体をさします。They are aiming at ~とするとtheyは自治体を指すので、「自治たちは 〜を目的としている。」という文の構造になり、動作の主体がはっきりします。

 

2.       improvement in their wagesで賃金の改善という意味ですね。するとimprovementの中に「賃金を上げる」という意味が含まれますからlowは要りません。improvement in uncertain job securityimprovement in job securityとなります。ここではuncertainを入れると「不安定な雇用条件」自体の改善、となり意味が不明になります。また、文の内容を一度ここで切って、添削のようにすると文の構造が簡単になり、内容もわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

" Increasing Part-Time Staff in Municipal Governments"

 

Municipal governments are increasing part-time staff in welfare service programs. They are aiming at meeting citizens’ needs as well as reducing labor costs. However, the part-time staff are calling for improvement in their working conditions including job security and wages.  They claim that their wages are lower than those of the regular staff even though they are on the same duty as the regular staff.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(バンガク、26 Feb 03

 

“An Increasing Number of Part-Time Workers at Municipal Governments”

 

Municipal governments are hiring more and more people on a part-time basis in the area of social services. This is because they want to save labor costs but at the same time meet increasing demand for services in these areas. But they also face increasing complaints from the part-time workers. They think that their jobs are not secure and their wages are much lower than those of permanent employees.

 

添削

 

“An Increasing Number of Part-Time Workers at in Municipal Governments”

 

Municipal governments are hiring more and more people on a part-time basis in the area of social services1. This is because they want to save labor costs but at the same time meet the increasing demand for services in these such areas as social welfare programs. But they also face increasing rising complaints from the part-time workers. They think2 that their jobs are not secure and their wages are much lower than those of permanent employees even when their job content is the same3.

 

コメント

 

1.       次の文で同じことが出てくるので、この文では省略しました。

 

2.       不満の内容を同格のthat節で説明できます。長い文章になりますが、that節は内容的に独立しているので読者にわかります。

 

3.       「同じ仕事なのに〜」は大事な内容なので添削のように追加しました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Municipal governments are hiring more and more people on a part-time basis. This is because they want to save labor costs but at the same time meet the increasing demand for services in such areas as social welfare programs. But they also face rising complaints from the part-time workers that their jobs are not secure and their wages are much lower than those of permanent employees even when their job content is the same.

 

 

中級問題 33 「JR舞鶴腺の踏み切り事故」

 

2月1日午前10時40分ごろ、京都府綾部市のJR舞鶴線踏切で、横断中のトラックがグラスファイバー製遮断棒(長さ6・8メートル)に接触。折れた遮断棒が、直後に通過した綾部発東舞鶴行き快速電車(2両、乗客約30人)の先頭車両の乗降ドアに当たり、ガラスが粉々に割れた。乗客の女性がガラス片で左手に軽いけが。電車は乗客を別の車両に移した後、17分遅れで運転を再開した。

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 28 October 11

 

A Train Accident Happens on the JR Maizuru Line

 

At around 10:40 am on February 1, a train accident happened on a railroad crossing of the JR Maizuru Line in Ayabe City, Kyouto. A track bumped and broke a 6.8 meter long crossing bar made of fiberglass while crossing the railroad crossing. The broken bar stuck in the first train's door of a two car rapid train, which started running from the Ayabe station to the Maizuru Station. Unluckily a woman passenger on the train got injured on her left hand by shattered window's glass of the door. After about thirty passengers on board moved into another train, all suspended trains were restored to normal operations seventeen minutes late.

 

添削

 

A Train Accident Happens on the JR Maizuru Line

 

At around 10:40 am on February 1, a train accident happened on a railroad crossing of the JR Maizuru Line in Ayabe City, Kyouto. A track truck bumped and broke a 6.8 meter long crossing bar made of fiberglass while crossing the railroad crossing. The broken bar stuck a two car rapid train in on the first train's car’s1 door of a two car rapid train, The train was which started running from the Ayabe sStation to the Maizuru Station. Unluckily a woman passenger on the car train got injured on her left hand by pieces of glass from a shattered window's glass of the door. After about thirty passengers on board moved into another car train, the all suspended trains started running again were restored to normal operations seventeen minutes later.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       電車のことをa carということもありますが、ここではa trainは列車全体、a carはこの列車のここの車両の意味につかうとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A Train Accident on the JR Maizuru Line

 

At around 10:40 am on February 1, a train accident happened on a railroad crossing of the JR Maizuru Line in Ayabe City, Kyouto. A truck bumped and broke a 6.8 meter long crossing bar made of fiberglass while crossing the railroad crossing. The broken bar stuck a two car rapid train on the first car’s door. The train was running from Ayabe Station to Maizuru Station. Unluckily a woman passenger on the car got injured on her left hand by pieces of glass from a shattered window of the door. After about thirty passengers on board moved into another car, the train started running again seventeen minutes later.

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 26 Sept 11

 

"Accident at Railroad Crossing on JR Maizuru Line"  

 

Around 10:40 on the evening of February 1, a truck crossing a railroad crossing of the JR Maizuru Line in Ayabe City, Kyoto, hit and broke a glass fiber bar (6.8 meters long). The broken bar hit the door of the first car of a train which was passing the crossing soon after that incident, smashing the door glass to pieces. A female passenger was slightly injured on her left hand. The train was a two-car rapid train heading for Higashi Maizuru from Ayabe, and carrying about 30 passengers at that time. The passengers on the first car were directed to the other car and the train left there 17 minutes late.

 

添削

 

"Accident at Railroad Crossing on JR Maizuru Line"  

 

Around 10:40pm on the evening of February 1, a truck crossing a railroad crossing of the JR Maizuru Line in Ayabe City, Kyoto, hit and broke a glass fiber bar (6.8 meters long). The broken bar hit the door of the first car of a train which was passing the crossing soon after that incident, smashing the door glass to pieces. A female passenger was slightly injured on her left hand. The train was a two-car rapid train heading for Higashi Maizuru from Ayabe, and carrying about 30 passengers at that time. The passengers on the first car were moved directed to the other car and the train left the scene of accident there 17 minutes later.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Accident at Railroad Crossing on JR Maizuru Line"  

 

Around 10:40pm on the evening of February 1, a truck crossing a railroad crossing of the JR Maizuru Line in Ayabe City, Kyoto, hit and broke a glass fiber bar (6.8 meters long). The broken bar hit the door of the first car of a train which was passing the crossing soon after that incident, smashing the door glass to pieces. A female passenger was slightly injured on her left hand. The train was a two-car rapid train heading for Higashi Maizuru from Ayabe, and carrying about 30 passengers at that time. The passengers on the first car were moved  to the other car and the train left the scene of accident 17 minutes later.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 3 May 10

 

"Railroad Crossing Accident on JR Maizuru Line”

 

At around 10:40 a.m. on February 1, a truck hit a crossing bar at a railroad crossing of JR Maizuru Line in Ayabe City, Kyoto. The glass fiber bar, 6.8 meters long, got broken and collided with the rapid train that was just passing at the crossing. The two-car train was heading to Higashi Aaizuru from Ayabe with 30 passengers on board.

 

The broken bar stuck into the door of the first car of the train, shattered the glass into pieces and slightly injured one woman passenger on her right hand. The train started moving again 17 minutes after the passengers on the first car moved to the second.

 

添削

 

"A Railroad Crossing Accident on the JR Maizuru Line”

 

At around 10:40 a.m. on February 1, a truck hit a crossing bar at a railroad crossing of the JR Maizuru Line in Ayabe City, Kyoto. The glass fiber bar, 6.8 meters long, got broken and collided with the rapid train that was just passing at the crossing. The two-car train was heading to Higashi Aaizuru from Ayabe with 30 passengers on board.

 

The broken bar stuck into the door of the first car of the train, shattered the glass into pieces and slightly injured one woman passenger on her right hand. The train made an emergency stop but moved started moving again in 17 minutes after the passengers on the first car moved to the second car.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。複雑な事柄を整理してわかりやすく表現しています。

 

1.       日本文には有りませんが、急停車をしたことを入れておかないと、moved againとなりません。

 

添削後の文章

 

"A Railroad Crossing Accident on the JR Maizuru Line”

 

At around 10:40 a.m. on February 1, a truck hit a crossing bar at a railroad crossing of the JR Maizuru Line in Ayabe City, Kyoto. The glass fiber bar, 6.8 meters long, got broken and collided with the rapid train that was just passing at the crossing. The two-car train was heading to Higashi Aaizuru from Ayabe with 30 passengers on board.

 

The broken bar stuck into the door of the first car of the train, shattered the glass into pieces and slightly injured one woman passenger on her right hand. The train made an emergency stop but moved again in 17 minutes after the passengers on the first car moved to the second car.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、4 January 07

 

"Accident at railroad crossing of JR Maizuru Line"

 

There was an accident at a railroad crossing of JR Maizuru Line in Ayabe City, Kyoto at around 10:40 a.m. on February 1st. A truck hit a 6.8-meter-long glass fiber crossing bar when it crossed the railroad. The bar ran into the door of the first coach of the rapid train which was just passing. The train had two coached and headed for Hihashimaizuru from Ayabe with about 30 passengers. The glass of the door was smashed to pieces and one woman was slightly injured her left hand. All passengers were forced to move to the second coach and the train started again with 17 minutes behind schedule.

 

添削

 

"Accident at rRailroad cCrossing of JR Maizuru Line1"

 

There was an accident at a railroad crossing of JR Maizuru Line in Ayabe City, Kyoto at around 10:40 a.m. on February 1st2. A truck hit a 6.8-meter-long glass fiber crossing bar when it crossed passed the railroad crossing. The broken bar ran into the door of the first coach of the rapid train which was just passing there. The train had two coacheds and headed for Highashimaizuru from Ayabe with about 30 passengers on board. The glass of the door was smashed to into pieces and injured3 one woman was slightly injured on her left hand. All passengers were forced to move to the second coach and the train started left the scene of accident4 again with 17 minutes behind schedule5.

 

コメント

 

1.       見出しは冠詞を省略することがあります。

 

2.       日本文は情報が短い文に凝縮されているので、これらを如何に順序良く整理して英文で表現するかが問題ですね。さくらさんはThere was an accident at a railroad crossing of JR Maizuru Line in Ayabe City, Kyoto at around 10:40 a.m. on February 1st.というキーセンテンスで事故の日時をはっきりさせています。「綾部発東舞鶴行き快速電車(2両、乗客約30人)」という連体修飾節の説明を独立した英文にしたことも、文章をわかりやすくしています。全体に情報の整理が上手にしてあります。

 

3.       文の後半も前半と同じThe glass of the door of the rapid trainを主語にしたほうが、主語の交代がないので、文の内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

4.       事故との関連を付けたほうが文章全体のまとまりがよくなります。

 

5.       17 minutes behind scheduleを副詞句として使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Accident at Railroad Crossing of JR Maizuru Line"

 

There was an accident at a railroad crossing of JR Maizuru Line in Ayabe City, Kyoto at around 10:40 a.m. on February 1st. A truck hit a 6.8-meter-long glass fiber crossing bar when it passed the railroad crossing. The broken bar ran into the door of the first coach of the rapid train which was just passing there. The train had two coaches and headed for Higashimaizuru from Ayabe with about 30 passengers on board. The glass of the door was smashed into pieces and injured one woman slightly on her left hand. All passengers were forced to move to the second coach and the train left the scene of accident 17 minutes behind schedule.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(バンガク、26 Feb 03

 

“A Railroad Crossing Accident at JR Maizuru Line”

 

About 10:40 am on February 1, there was a railroad crossing accident at Ayabe, Kyoto. A truck passing the railroad crossing hit and broke a 6.8 meter long glass fiber pole of the railroad crossing barrier. The broken pole hit the rapid train that passed the railroad crossing right after the accident. The pole hit the door of the first coach of the train and broke the glass into pieces. A woman passenger on the train cut her right hand by a piece of the glass. The train left the scene of the accident 17 minutes later after the passengers on the first coach moved to other coaches.

 

添削

 

“A Railroad Crossing Accident at JR Maizuru Line”

 

About 10:40 am on February 1, there was a railroad crossing accident at Ayabe, Kyoto.1 A a truck passing the a railroad crossing at Ayabe, Kyoto, hit and broke a 6.8-meter long glass fiber pole of from the railroad crossing barrier. The broken pole hit the rapid train that passed the railroad crossing right after the accident. The two-coach train carried about 30 passengers on board and was out of Ayabe for Higashi Maizuru2. The pole hit the door of the first coach of the train and broke the glass into pieces. A woman passenger on the train first coach3 cut her right hand by on a piece of the glass. The train left the scene of the accident 17 minutes later after the passengers on the first coach had moved to the other coaches.

 

コメント

 

1.       これは無くても、次の文で踏切事故とわかります。

 

2.       事故の報告なので「列車は綾部発東舞鶴行きで2両連結、乗客は約30人」を説明しました。

 

3.       ここも少々こまかく「先頭車両の」と説明を入れました。

 

添削後の文章

 

“A Railroad Crossing Accident at JR Maizuru Line”

 

About 10:40 am on February 1, a truck passing a railroad crossing at Ayabe, Kyoto, hit and broke a 6.8-meter long glass fiber pole from the railroad crossing barrier. The broken pole hit the rapid train that passed the railroad crossing right after the accident. The two-coach train carried about 30 passengers on board and was out of Ayabe for Higashi Maizuru. The pole hit the door of the first coach of the train and broke the glass into pieces. A woman passenger on the first coach cut her right hand on a piece of the glass. The train left the scene of the accident 17 minutes later after the passengers on the first coach had moved to the other coach.

 

 

中級問題 34 「タンチョウ鶴の死傷事故の急増」

 

「タンチョウ鶴の死傷事故の急増」

 

国の天然記念物タンチョウの死傷事故が急増している。2002年には過去最悪の三十一羽で、前年二十羽の一・五倍に達した。人工給餌の成果で日本に飛来する数が急増し、列車や自動車の行き交う人里への飛来が増えたのが主因である。

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 26 October 11

 

Sharply Rising Fatal and Injury Accidents of Japanese Cranes 

 

More and more Japanese cranes, a national treasure in Japan, have died or suffered injuries in accidents. Twenty Japanese cranes in 2001 and the record-high number of thirty-one Japanese cranes in 2002 and were sacrificed. The major reason is that the increasing number of Japanese cranes are flying to residential areas in Japan where the traffic of trains and cars are heavy due to artificial feeding to save the birds from extinction

 

添削

 

Sharply Rising Fatal and Injury Accidents of Japanese Cranes 

 

More and more Japanese cranes, a national treasure in Japan, have died or suffered injuries in accidents. Twenty Japanese cranes in 2001 and the record-high number of thirty-one Japanese cranes in 2002 and were involved in accidents sacrificed. The major reason is that the An increasing number of Japanese cranes are flying in to residential areas because of in Japan where the traffic of trains and cars are heavy due to artificial feeding to save the birds from extinction. But these are also the area where the traffic of trains and cars is heavy and the cranes get involved in accidents1.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       二つの内容を二つの文に分けるとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Sharply Rising Fatal and Injury Accidents of Japanese Cranes 

 

More and more Japanese cranes, a national treasure in Japan, have died or suffered injuries in accidents. Twenty Japanese cranes in 2001 and the record-high number of thirty-one Japanese cranes in 2002 were involved in accidents. An increasing number of Japanese cranes are flying in to residential areas because of artificial feeding to save the birds from extinction. But these are also the area where the traffic of trains and cars is heavy and the cranes get involved in accidents.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 26 September 11

 

"Surge in Fatal Accidents involving Japanese Cranes" 

 

There have been a growing number of fatal and injury accidents of the Japanese red-crowned crane which is a protected species in Japan. In 2002, the number of the bird killed or injured in accidents was a record high of 31, up 50% from the previous year’s 20. Main cause of the big surge is the increased availability of human feeding to cranes. It has invited an increasing number of cranes to fly to Japan and inevitably has led to a spike in the number of cranes straying into human habitats where the traffic of cars and trains are busy.

 

添削

 

"Surge in Fatal Accidents involving Japanese Cranes" 

 

There have been a growing number of fatal and injury accidents of the Japanese red-crowned crane which is a protected species in Japan. In 2002, the number of the birds killed or injured in accidents was a record high of 31, up 50% from the previous year’s 20. The Mmain cause of the big surge is the increased availability of human feeding to cranes. This It has invited an increasing number of cranes to fly to Japan and inevitably has led to a spike in the number of cranes straying in into human habitats where the traffic of cars and trains are busy.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Surge in Fatal Accidents involving Japanese Cranes" 

 

There have been a growing number of fatal and injury accidents of the Japanese red-crowned crane which is a protected species in Japan. In 2002, the number of the birds killed or injured in accidents was a record high of 31, up 50% from the previous year’s 20. The main cause of the big surge is the increased availability of human feeding to cranes. This  has invited an increasing number of cranes to fly to Japan and inevitably has led to a spike in the number of cranes straying in human habitats where the traffic of cars and trains are busy.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 7 October 07

 

"Sharp Increase in Accidents Involving Japanese Cranes"

 

An increasing number of Japanese cranes, red-crowned cranes designated as a protected species in Japan, are involved in accidents. In 2002, a record high of 31 Japanese cranes were found injured or dead, a 1.5-fold increase from 20 in 2001. The most common cause of death was that they crashed into cars and trains. Now, as a large number of Japanese cranes are flying to Japan to have access to improved feeding grounds, they are increasingly flying over populated areas where they are more likely to crash into cars and trains.

  

 

添削

 

"Sharp Increase in Accidents Involving Japanese Cranes"

 

An increasing number of Japanese cranes, red-crowned cranes designated as a protected species in Japan, are involved in accidents. In 2002, a record high of 31 Japanese cranes were found injured or dead, a 1.5-fold increase from 20 in 2001. The most common cause of death was that they crashed into cars and trains. Now, as a large number of Japanese cranes are flying to Japan because they can to have access to human improved feeding of cranes grounds,. tThey are increasingly flying over populated areas where they are more likely to crash into cars and trains.

  

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、to have access to improved feeding groundsの内容がどういうことなのかはっきりしません。日本にはツルの餌が豊富なのだろうと推測します。日本文では「人工給餌の成果」というのが大事な情報になっています。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Sharp Increase in Accidents Involving Japanese Cranes"

 

An increasing number of Japanese cranes, red-crowned cranes designated as a protected species in Japan, are involved in accidents. In 2002, a record high of 31 Japanese cranes were found injured or dead, a 1.5-fold increase from 20 in 2001. The most common cause of death was that they crashed into cars and trains. Now, a large number of Japanese cranes are flying to Japan because they can access to human feeding of cranes. They are increasingly flying over populated areas where they are more likely to crash into cars and trains.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、7 January 07

 

"More and More Japanese Cranes Die of Accidents"

 

More and more Japanese cranes, which are one of Japan’s natural monuments, die of bumping against transport vehicles. The worst number of 31 Japanese cranes died in 2002 and this figure is 1.5 times as large as 20 in 2001. The rising number of the cranes death is mainly because more Japanese cranes have migrated to Japan than before as a result of artificial feeding efforts. Many of them often fly near to the residential areas where traffic of cars and trucks is busy.

 

添削

 

"More and More Japanese Cranes Die of in Accidents"

 

More and more Japanese cranes, which are one of Japan’s national treasures natural monuments, die of in accidents, bumping into against or being hit by transport vehicles. In 2002, The worst number of1 31 Japanese cranes died. This was the largest number ever in 2002 and this figure is 1.5 times as large as 20 cranes in 2001. The rising number of the deaths of cranes death is mainly because more Japanese cranes are have migrateding2 to Japan than before as a result of artificial feeding efforts. Many of them often fly near into the human habitats residential areas3 where the traffic of cars and trucks is busy.

 

コメント

 

1.       the worst number of 31 cranesとすると、the worst number31 cranesは同格になりません。thirty-one cranes, (which was) the largest number ever, ~とすると同格になります。またthe worst number, the best numberとは、the number自体は価値観から中立ですから、通常は使いません。

 

2.       毎年増加している、ということなんで現在進行形がよいでしょう。

 

3.       自然な環境the natural environmentと対比したhuman habitatsとするとよいでしょう。residential areasというと住宅が建っているところ、と限定されます。

 

添削後の文章

 

"More and More Japanese Cranes Die in Accidents"

 

More and more Japanese cranes, which are one of Japan’s national treasures, die in accidents, bumping into or being hit by transport vehicles. In 2002, 31 Japanese cranes died. This was the largest number ever and 1.5 times as large as 20 cranes in 2001. The rising number of deaths of cranes is mainly because more Japanese cranes are migrating to Japan than before as a result of artificial feeding efforts. Many of them often fly into human habitats where the traffic of cars and trucks is busy.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(mum, 16 March 03

 

“An Increasing Number of Accidents of Red-Crested Cranes”

 

Recently, the number of red-crested cranes killed or injured by accidents is increasing. The red-crested cranes are Japanese natural treasures. In 2002, the total number of cranes involved in accidents reached 31. This was the largest number of cranes ever and 1.5 times as large as 20 cranes last year. The main reason for the increasing number of accidents was human feeding of cranes. This increased the number of cranes flying to Japan and they fly into human habitats more frequently than before where they face increasing risks of being hit by trains and automobiles.

 

 

添削

 

“An Increasing Number of Accidents of Involving Red-Crested Cranes”

 

Recently, the an increasing1 number of red-crested cranes, Japan’s national treasure2, are killed or injured by in accidents. is increasing. The red-crested cranes are Japanese natural treasures. In 2002, the total number of cranes involved in accidents reached 31. This,which 3was the largest number of cranes ever and 1.5 times as large as 20 cranes last year in 2001. The main reason for the increasing number of accidents was that4 human feeding of cranes. This increased attracted the number of more cranes flying to Japan and they fly flew into human habitats more frequently than before. where Now5 they face an increasing risks of being hit by trains and automobiles in these human habitats.

 

コメント

 

1.       「〜が増えている」、「〜の数が増加している」という日本語の表現がよくありますが、The number of ~ is increasing.とすると主語が長くなってしまうときがあります。このようなときにはAn increasing number of ~とすると便利です。

 

2.       「国の天然記念物タンチョウ」はred-crested cranes, Japan’s national treasure, とすると文が簡潔になります。

 

3.       前の文との内容のつながりを良くするように、関係代名詞の非限定用法を使いました。Mumさんの投稿のように日本文の内容を小文に分解して英文で表現することが英作文の基本です。そして小文を必要に応じて内容が良く伝わるようにつなげる工夫をすることが、英作文の次の段階です。この添削では文のつなげ方の例を示しました。

 

4.       That 節で二つの小文の内容をつなげました。

 

5.       ここでは文をつなげるのではなくて、文を切って読みやすくしました。Mumさんの投稿ではwhereの前の文がすでに長いのでwhere they face~と続くとwhere以下の文の内容が弱くなってしまいます。ここでいったん文を切って、where以下を新しい文にしたほうが良いでしょう。Whereが無くなってしまったので文の最後にin these human habitatsと付け加えて前の文と内容に一貫性があるようにします。

 

添削後の文章

 

“An Increasing Number of Accidents Involving Red-Crested Cranes”

 

Recently, an increasing number of red-crested cranes, Japan’s national treasure, are killed or injured in accidents. In 2002, the total number of cranes involved in accidents reached 31, which was the largest number of cranes ever and 1.5 times as large as 20 cranes in 2001. The main reason for the increasing number of accidents was that human feeding of cranes  attracted more cranes flying to Japan and they flew into human habitats more frequently than before. Now they face an increasing risk of being hit by trains and automobiles in these human habitats.

 

 

中級問題 35 「最悪の失業率」

 

総務省が1月31日発表した2002年平均の失業率は、前年比0.4ポイント上昇の5.4%と1953年の調査開始以来最悪となった。年平均の完全失業者数は前年に比べ19万人増の359万人と、4年連続で300万人を超え過去最多。特に家計を支える世帯主の失業率が最悪の3.7%と、4年連続で3%を上回った。

 

読者からの投稿 6(Lucca, 6 November 11

 

The Highest Unemployment Rate in 2002

 

The Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications announced on January 31 that the average unemployment rate in 2002 was 5.8 percent, rising by 0.4 points from 2001. This rate was the worst record since the Ministry started the survey in 1953. The number of people who were without jobs in 2002 reached the record high of 3.59 million, increasing by 190 thousand from 2001. Over 3 million people have lost their job for the fourth straight year. Also, the unemployment rate for households was 3.7 percent, more than 3 percent level for the fourth straight year.

 

添削

 

The Highest Unemployment Rate in 2002

 

The Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications announced on January 31 that the average unemployment rate in 2002 was 5.8 percent, rising by 0.4 points percent1 from 2001. This rate was the worst record since the Ministry started the survey in 1953. The number of people who were without jobs in 2002 reached the a record high of 3.59 million, increasing by 190 thousand from 2001. Over 3 million people were unemployed2 have lost their job for the fourth straight year. Also, the unemployment rate for the head of households was 3.7 percent, higher more than 3 percent level for the fourth straight year.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       英文ではこのようなときに0.4 pointsという表現は使いません。Percentpointと両方があると混乱するからでしょう。

 

2.       3 million people have lost jobs for the forth straight yearとすると、毎年新たに300万人の人が失業した、となります。毎年300万人以上の失業者が存在する、と意味が違います。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Highest Unemployment Rate in 2002

 

The Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications announced on January 31 that the average unemployment rate in 2002 was 5.8 percent, rising by 0.4 percent from 2001. This rate was the worst record since the Ministry started the survey in 1953. The number of people who were without jobs in 2002 reached a record high of 3.59 million, increasing by 190 thousand from 2001. Over 3 million people were unemployed for the fourth straight year. Also, the unemployment rate for the head of household was 3.7 percent, higher than 3 percent for the fourth straight year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 2 October 11

 

"Record-high Unemployment Rate”

 

The Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications announced on January 31 that the unemployment rate in 2002 was 5.4%, up 0.4 percentage point from a year earlier. This was the worst figure ever since the government started the survey in 1953. The average number of totally-unemployed persons increased by 190 thousand over the previous year to a record-high 3.59 million, exceeding 3 million for the 4th straight year. It should be noted that the unemployment rate for the head of a family who brings in the most household income was the record-high 3.7%, exceeding 3.0% for a 4th straight year.

 

添削

 

"Record-high Unemployment Rate”

 

The Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications announced on January 31 that the unemployment rate in 2002 was 5.4%, up 0.4 percentage point from a year earlier. This was the worst figure ever since the government started the survey in 1953. The average number of totally-unemployed persons increased by 190 thousand over the previous year to a record-high 3.59 million, exceeding 3 million for the 4th straight year. It should be noted that the unemployment rate for the head of a family who brings in the most of the household’s income was the record-high 3.7%, exceeding 3.0% for a the 4th straight year.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Record-high Unemployment Rate”

 

The Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications announced on January 31 that the unemployment rate in 2002 was 5.4%, up 0.4 percentage from a year earlier. This was the worst figure ever since the government started the survey in 1953. The average number of totally-unemployed persons increased by 190 thousand over the previous year to a record-high 3.59 million, exceeding 3 million for the 4th straight year. It should be noted that the unemployment rate for the head of a family who brings in most of the household’s income was the record-high 3.7%, exceeding 3.0% for the 4th straight year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(P&C, 1 July 08

 

"The Highest rate of unemployment"

 

On January 31, the Ministry of the General Affairs published the average unemployment rate of 2002. That has risen by 0.4 points to 5.4 per cent over the last year. The Ministry has surveyed and published the rate since 1953. The point of 5.4 per cent is the highest, i.e. the worst !, yet. And the average number of complete unemployment of 2002 is 3,590,000. That has risen by 190,000 over the last year. The number has been over 3,000,000 four successive years. And it is the most , i.e. the worst !, yet.

 

It is the fact worth of special attention that the unemployment rate of the masters of families is 3.7 per cent. The rate has been over 3 per cent four successive years. And it is the most , i.e. the worst, yet.

 

添削

 

"The Hhighest rate of unemployment"

 

On January 31, the Ministry of the General Affairs published released the average unemployment rate in of 2002. The unemployment rate2 rose That has risen by 0.4 per cent3 points to 5.4 per cent over the previous last year. The Ministry has been surveyeding and publisheding the unemployment rate since 1953. The unemployment rate point of 5.4 per cent is was the highest, i.e. the worst on record !, yet. And tThe average number of people unemployed4 in 2002 reached complete unemployment of 2002 is 3,590,000,. an increase of  That has risen by 190,000 people over the previous last year. The number has been oOver 3,000,000 people have been unemployed for the last four successive years., again And it is the most , i.e. the worst on record !, yet.

 

It is the fact worth paying of special attention to the fact5 that the unemployment rate among of the masters heads of families was is 3.7 per cent. The rate has been over 3 per cent for the last four successive years. And it This was also is the most , i.e. the worst, on record yet.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。数字の多い文章ですから、どの数字がなにを指すかはっきりとする必要があります。代名詞を使わずに同じ事柄は同じ名詞で表現するのも一つの方法です。

 

1.       一般的に見出しはThe Highest Rate of Unemploymentという形式を使います。

 

2.       どの数字が何を指すかはっきりするためには代名詞を使わずもとの名詞を使うよいでしょう。これは「同じ名詞を繰り返さずに代名詞を使う」という一般的な英作文の方法の逆ですが、プレイン・イングリッシュでは大切です。

 

3.       pointsという表現は曖昧なのでper centにします。

 

4.       the number of people unemployedという表現のほうが具体的です。また「完全失業者」とは、 失業統計の定義で (1) 仕事がなくて調査週間中に少しも仕事をしなかった。(就業者ではない) (2) 仕事があればすぐ就くことができる。 (3) 調査期間中に、仕事を探す活動や事業を始める準備をしていた。(過去の求職活動の結果を待っている場合を含む) 以上の3つの条件を満たす者のことを指します。一般的には単にthe number of people employedでよいでしょう。

 

5.       special attentionを活用した添削なのでこのような長い表現になりましたが、It is worth mentioning that ~でよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"The highest rate of unemployment"

 

On January 31, the Ministry of General Affairs released the average unemployment rate in  2002. The unemployment rate rose by 0.4 per cent to 5.4 per cent over the previous year. The Ministry has been surveying and publishing the unemployment rate since 1953. The unemployment rate of 5.4 per cent was the highest, i.e. the worst on record. The number of people unemployed in 2002 reached 3,590,000, an increase of 190,000 people over the previous year. Over 3,000,000 people have been unemployed for the last four successive years, again the worst on record .

 

It is worth paying special attention to the fact that the unemployment rate among the heads of families was 3.7 per cent. The rate has been over 3 per cent for the last four successive years. This was also the worst on record .

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 5 October 07

 

"Unemployment Rate Rises to New High of 5.4% in 2002"

 

The Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications announced on January 31 that the average unemployment rate in 2002 stayed at 5.4 percent, an increase of 0.4 percentage points from a year earlier. The rate was the worst-ever since the Ministry started the survey in 1953. The number of people unemployed increased by 190,000 on average from the previous year to a record high of 3.59 million, rising over 3 million for four straight years. In particular, the unemployment rate of household heads hit a record high of 3.7%, rising over 3 percent for four straight years.

 

添削

 

"Unemployment Rate Rises to New High of 5.4% in 2002"

 

The Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications announced on January 31 that the average unemployment rate in 2002 stayed reached at 5.4 percent, an increase of 0.4 percentage points from 2001 a year earlier. The rate was the worst-ever since the Ministry started the survey in 1953. The number of people unemployed increased by 190,000 on average from the previous year to a record high of 3.59 million from 2001, staying at rising over 3 million for four straight years. In particular, the unemployment rate of household heads hit a record high of 3.7%, rising staying at over 3 percent for four straight years.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。rising over 3 million for four straight years 「四年続けて300万より上昇している」ですと毎年300万より下に下がりまた上がるのかな、という解釈もできます。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Unemployment Rate Rises to New High of 5.4% in 2002"

 

The Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications announced on January 31 that the average unemployment rate in 2002 reached 5.4 percent, an increase of 0.4 percentage from 2001. The rate was the worst-ever since the Ministry started the survey in 1953. The number of people unemployed increased by 190,000 to a record high of 3.59 million from 2001, staying at over 3 million for four straight years. In particular, the unemployment rate of household heads hit a record high of 3.7%, staying at over 3 percent for four straight years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、8 January 07

 

"2002 Hit the Highest unemployment rate"

 

Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications reported on January 31 that the annualized unemployment rate in 2002 increased by 0.4 point year-on-year to 5.4%. This was the highest level since the survey started in 1953. The number of fully unemployed people on annual average reached 3.59 million increased by 190 thousand people compared with the previous year and it exceeded 3 million for the 4th consecutive year. Especially the rate of unemployed householders who brought bread home hit the record high 3.7%,exceeding 3% for 4 years in a row.

 

添削

 

"The Year 2002 Hit the Highest uUnemployment rRate"

 

The Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications reported on January 31 that the annualized unemployment rate in 2002 increased by 0.4 % from the previous year and reached point year-on-year to 5.4%1. This was the highest level since the survey started in 1953. The number of fully unemployed people on annual average reached 3.59 million on annual average, an increased by 190 thousand people compared with from the previous year2, and it exceeded 3 million for the 4th consecutive year. Especially, the rate of unemployedment among householders who brought bread home hit the record high of 3.7%, exceeding 3% for 4 four years in a row.

 

コメント

 

1.       The annualized unemployment rate in 2002 increased by 0.4 point year-on-year to 5.4%. は下線部分が意味不明です。添削のように二つの内容に分けて、先ず、increased by 4% from the previous yearとして、次にreached 5.4%とするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       The number of fully unemployed people reached 3.59 million increased by 190 thousand people compared with the previous yearは下線部分にincreasedという動詞があるので意味が不明になります。このような形の日本文は報告書に多いですが、添削のようにreached 3.59 million, an increase by 190 thousand from the previous yearとする表現の方法があります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"The Year 2002 Hit the Highest Unemployment Rate"

 

The Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications reported on January 31 that the annualized unemployment rate in 2002 increased by 0.4 % from the previous year and reached 5.4%. This was the highest level since the survey started in 1953. The number of fully unemployed people reached 3.59 million on annual average, an increase by 190 thousand from the previous year, and exceeded 3 million for the 4th consecutive year. Especially, the rate of unemployment among householders who brought bread home hit the record high of 3.7%, exceeding 3% for four years in a row.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1 (ミナミ, 1 March 03

 

“The Highest Unemployment Rate”

 

On January 31, the Ministry of Public Management, Home Affairs, Posts and Telecommunications announced that the average rate of unemployment for 2002 increased by 0.4 percent from the previous year to 5.4 percent and became the highest since the unemployment survey started in 1953. The annual average number of people who wee unemployed increased by 190,000 from the previous year and reached 3,590,000. The number of unemployed people was higher than 3,000,000 for the last four consecutive years. A special attention must be paid to the finding that the unemployment rate among heads of family who financially support the family was 3.7 percent. This was the highest rate ever and was higher than 3.0 per cent for the four consecutive years.

 

添削

 

“The Highest Unemployment Rate”

 

On January 31, the Ministry of Public Management, Home Affairs, Posts and Telecommunications announced that the average rate of unemployment for 2002 increased by 0.4 percent from the previous year to reached 5.4 percent, which was 0.4 percent higher than 2001. and became This was the highest unemployment level since the unemployment survey started in 19531. The annual average number of unemployed people who wee unemployed increased by 190,000 from the previous year and reached 3,590,000. This was an increase of 190,000 over 20012. The number of unemployed people was higher than 3,000,000 for the last four consecutive years. A sSpecial attention must be paid to the finding3 that the unemployment rate among heads of family who financially support the family was 3.7 percent. This was the highest rate ever and was higher than 3.0 per cent for the four consecutive years.

 

コメント

 

1.       この文には数字がいくつも入っているので、読者に分かりやすいように二つの文と分け、最初の文も関係代名詞で後半を二つの節にしました。そして数字を節と文に分散しました。

 

2.       ここも(1)と同じ理由で二つの文に分けました。

 

3.       「特に家計を支える 〜」の「特に」を Special attention must be paid to the finding that ~として読者の注意を促したのがよいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

“The Highest Unemployment Rate”

 

On January 31, the Ministry of Public Management, Home Affairs, Posts and Telecommunications announced that the average rate of unemployment for 2002  reached 5.4 percent, which was 0.4 percent higher than 2001. This was the highest unemployment level since the survey started in1953. The annual average number of unemployed people reached 3,590,000. This was an increase of 190,000 over 2001. The number of unemployed people was higher than 3,000,000 for the last four consecutive years. Special attention must be paid to the finding that the unemployment rate among heads of family who financially support the family was 3.7 percent. This was the highest rate ever and was higher than 3.0 per cent for four consecutive years.

 

 

中級問題 36 「青森に韓国からのスキー客」

 

「青森に韓国からのスキー客」

 

レジャーの多様化で国内のスキー人口がこの数年減少しているが、韓国は今、スキーブームに沸いている。新年に入り青森県内のスキー場には韓国から大勢のスキー客が訪れており、「雪質が抜群。また来たい」と評判は上々である。

 

読者からの投稿 6(6 November 11

 

Many Korean Visit Aomori for Skiing

 

The number of people who go to ski resorts have decreased in recent years in Japan due to many winter activities. Riding on the ski boom in South Korea, many Korean visited ski resorts in Aomori in this new year. The Korean visitors said that they wanted to come again because of the good quality of the snow in Aomori and the reputation among the visitors is growing. 

 

添削

 

Many Koreans Visit Aomori for Skiing

 

The number of people who go to skiing resorts has been have decreaseding in recent years in Japan due to the rising popularity1 of many other winter activities. Riding on the skiing boom in South Korea, Aomori Prefecture succeeded2 in attracting many Koreans visited to skiing resorts in the prefecture Aomori in this new year. The Korean visitors said that they wanted to come to Aomori again because of the good quality of the snow was good in Aomori and the reputation among the visitors is growing. 

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       the rising popularity of ~を入れると因果関係がはっきりします。

 

2.       「韓国のスキーブームに弁乗して」「青森にくる韓国人スキー客が増えた」という因果関係は弱いです。添削のように青森県を主語にすると因果関係が出来ます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Many Koreans Visit Aomori for Skiing

 

The number of people who go to skiing resorts has been decreasing in recent years in Japan due to the rising popularity of many other winter activities. Riding on the skiing boom in South Korea, Aomori Prefecture succeeded in attracting many Koreans to skiing resorts in the prefecture this new year. Korean visitors said that they wanted to come to Aomori again because the quality of snow was good. 

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 2 October 11

 

"Korean Ski Tourists to Aomori”  

 

Whereas in Japan the ski population has been on the decrease over the past few years reflecting the diversification of people's leisure activities, in South Korea the ski is right in the middle of a fad. Since early this year, ski resorts in Aomori Prefecture have been enjoying great popularity among ski tourists from the country. The visiting skiers unanimously say “The quality of snow here is outstanding. We want to come again.”

 

添削

 

"Korean Skiing Tourists to Aomori”  

 

Whereas in Japan the skiing population has been on the decrease over the past few years reflecting the diversification of people's leisure activities, in South Korea the skiing is right in the middle of a fad. Since early this year, skiing resorts in Aomori Prefecture have been enjoying great popularity among skiing tourists from South Korea the country. The visiting skiers unanimously say, “The quality of snow here is outstanding. We want to come again.”

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Korean Skiing Tourists to Aomori”  

 

Whereas in Japan the skiing population has been on the decrease over the past few years reflecting the diversification of people's leisure activities, in South Korea skiing is right in the middle of a fad. Since early this year, skiing resorts in Aomori Prefecture have been enjoying great popularity among skiing tourists from South Korea. The visiting skiers unanimously say, “The quality of snow here is outstanding. We want to come again.”

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Kalo, 25 June 10

 

“Korean Skiers to Aomori”

 

For the last few years, the number of skiers in Japan has been decreasing due to the diversity of leisure activities. In South Korea, on the other hand, skiing is becoming more and more popular. In the New Year, a large number of skiers from the country are coming to ski resorts in Aomori Prefecture. They say that the snow condition in those ski resorts is great and want to come back again.

 

添削

 

“Korean Skiers to Aomori”

 

For the last few years, the number of skiers in Japan has been decreasing due to the increasing diversity of leisure activities. In South Korea, on the other hand, skiing is becoming more and more popular. In the New Year1, a large number of skiers from the country are coming to ski resorts in Aomori Prefecture. They say that the snow condition in those ski resorts is great and they2 want to come back again.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       in the New Year 「お正月には」ですね。during the New Year’s holidays, during the New Year vacationという表現もあります。

 

2.       that節の中なのでthe snow conditiontheyの二つの主語が必要です。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Korean Skiers to Aomori”

 

For the last few years, the number of skiers in Japan has been decreasing due to the increasing diversity of leisure activities. In South Korea, on the other hand, skiing is becoming more and more popular. In the New Year, a large number of skiers from the country are coming to ski resorts in Aomori Prefecture. They say that the snow condition in those ski resorts is great and they want to come back again.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(つぶあんこ、5 June 08

 

"Korean Tourists for Skiing in Aomori”

 

The skiing population of Japan has been decreasing for several years because the variety of leisure has become diversified. But skiing is booming nowadays in Korea. In the New Year, many Korean tourists have come to Aomori for skiing. The ski resorts in Aomori have gotten good reputations. A tourist says “The quality of snow is outstanding. I would like to come here again.”

 

添削

 

"Korean Tourists for Skiing in Aomori”

 

The skiing population of in Japan has been decreasing1 for several years because the variety of leisure activities have has become diversified. But skiing is booming nowadays in South Korea. In During the New Year’s holidays2, many Korean tourists have come to Aomori for skiing. The ski resorts in Aomori have gotten good reputations in South Korea. A Korean tourist says, “The quality of snow is outstanding. I would like to come here again.”

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       スキーをする人は増加している、An increasing number of people are skiing. はよく眼にする表現ですが、A decreasing number of people are skiing.はあまり見かけませんね。文法的には対称形なのですが、どうして少ないのでしょうね。わたしはこんな理由を考えてみました。an increasing number of AではA全体がだんだん大きくなるので、心理的にA全体が主体になりますね。それで文の主語として捕らえやすくなります。a decreasing number of AではAがだんだんと小さくなるので、最初のAの一部分だけになります。このため心理的に主体が捕らえ難く主語にすると違和感が出るのでしょう。

 

2.       「新年に入り」の内容が難しいですね。「12月中は少なかったが、1月になってから増えている」、「正月の休暇に入り増えている」などと解釈できます。「新年に入り大勢のスキー客が訪れており」とあるので「新年」と「大勢のスキー客が訪れる」になにか因果関係があるのですが、それが日本文では書いてありません。「正月の休暇に入り増えている」は簡単な因果関係を想定しています。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Korean Tourists for Skiing in Aomori”

 

The skiing population in Japan has been decreasing for several years because leisure activities have diversified. But skiing is booming nowadays in South Korea. During the New Year’s holidays, many Korean tourists have come to Aomori for skiing. The ski resorts in Aomori have gotten good reputations in South Korea. A Korean tourist says, “The quality of snow is outstanding. I would like to come here again.”

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、9 January 07

 

"Many Korean Skiers visit Aomori”

 

Recent years, less and less Japanese people enjoy skiing because their interest in leisure activities has diversified, while more and more Korean people enjoy skiing. From the early of this year, ski resorts in Aomori Prefecture have accepted many skiers from Korea. Korean skiers admire those ski resorts, saying ”The quality of snow in Aomori Prefecture is wonderful and we want to come here again.

 

添削

 

"Many Korean Skiers visit Aomori”

 

In Rrecent years, less and less Japanese people enjoy are going skiing1 because as2 their interest in leisure activities has are diversifiedying, while more and more Korean people enjoy are picking up skiing. From the early of this year, ski resorts in Aomori Prefecture have been receiving accepted many skiers from Korea. Korean skiers admire those ski resorts, saying “The quality of snow in Aomori Prefecture is wonderful and we want to come back here again.

 

コメント

 

1.       less and lessは物事が次第に少なくなるということを指すので進行形で表現します。enjoy skiingスキーが好きだ、でもよいですが、go skiingとするともっと具体的になるでしょう。

 

2.       as 〜するにつれてのほうがよいでしょう。

 

私の住むエドモントン市はカナダ大平原の町なので起伏がありませんが、町の中を流れる川の両側の斜面を利用して60メートルほどの高低差のスキーの練習場があります。小学校のスキーの授業などに利用されています。本格的なスキーをするには、車で4時間ほどのカナディアン・ロッキーの中にあるジャスパーのスキー場まで行きます。子供が小さいときはエドモントンを土曜の朝5時に出発して、リフトが運行を始める9時までにはスキー場に着き、日曜は午後の3時ごろまでスキーをしてから家に帰る、という強行軍も苦になりませんでしたが、このごろはもっぱら春スキーだけです。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Many Korean Skiers visit Aomori”

 

In recent years, less and less Japanese people are going skiing as their interest in leisure activities are diversifying, while more and more Korean people are picking up skiing. From early this year, ski resorts in Aomori Prefecture have been receiving many skiers from Korea. Korean skiers admire those ski resorts, saying “The quality of snow in Aomori Prefecture is wonderful and we want to come back here again.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(mum, 16 March 03

 

“Korean Skiers to Aomori”

 

In Japan, as the type of leisure activity has diversified, the number of skiers visiting ski slopes has been decreasing over the last few years. In South Korea, however, skiing has become very popular. In the new year, a large number of Korean skiers have visited mountains in Aomori Prefecture. They say that they enjoy the good snow quality in Aomori and want to visit there again.

 

添削

 

“Korean Skiers Visit Aomori”

 

In Japan, as the type of leisure activityies has have diversified, the number of skiers visiting ski slopes has been decreasing over the last few years1. In South Korea, however, skiing has become very popular. In the new New yearYear2, a large number of Korean skiers have visited mountains in Aomori Prefecture. They say that they enjoy the good snow quality of snow in Aomori and want to visit there again.

 

コメント

 

1.       「レジャーの多様化で国内のスキー人口がこの数年減少している。」を直訳風にすると、Diversification of sporting activities has decreased the number of skiers in Japan over the last few years.というようになるでしょうが、mumさんのように内容を説明したほうがいいですね。

 

2.       「新年に入り」を「新年の正月休に」と解釈してIn the New Year (holiday season)としました。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Korean Skiers Visit Aomori”

 

In Japan, as the type of leisure activities have diversified, the number of skiers visiting ski slopes has been decreasing over the last few years. In South Korea, however, skiing has become very popular. In the New Year, a large number of Korean skiers have visited mountains in Aomori Prefecture. They say that they enjoy the good quality of snow in Aomori and want to visit there again.

 

 

中級問題 37 「交通事故死の減少」

 

昨年の交通事故死者は8326人で、前年を4・8%下回り、66年以降の最少となった。1万6765人という最悪を記録した70年の半分以下でもある。全国の警察を先頭にした国民総ぐるみの交通安全運動がこの成果をもたらした。

 

読者からの投稿 6(Lucca, 11 November 11

 

A Decreasing Number of Traffic Death

 

The number of 8,326 people were killed in a road accident last year. This figure was a decrease by 4.8 percent from previous year and the lowest record since 1966. Also compared to the worst record of 16,765 people in 1970, this was fewer than half the number. A traffic safety campaign led by the polices across the country produced a big result and the polices succeeded in reducing traffic death in number.

 

添削

 

A Decreasing Number of Traffic Deaths by Traffic Accidents

 

A total The number of 8,326 people were killed in a road traffic1 accidents last year. This figure was a decrease by 4.8 percent from the previous year and the lowest record since 1966. Also compared to the worst record of 16,765 people killed in traffic accidents in 1970, this was less fewer than half the number. A traffic safety campaign led by the polices across the country nation produced this a big result and the polices succeeded in reducing traffic death in number2.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

同じ事柄は同じ表現をします。

 

文の前半に含まれているので省略します。

 

添削後の文章

 

A Decreasing Number of Deaths by Traffic Accidents

 

A total of 8,326 people were killed in traffic accidents last year. This was a decrease by 4.8 percent from the previous year and the lowest since 1966. Also compared to the worst record of 16,765 people killed in traffic accidents in 1970, this was less than half. A traffic safety campaign led by the polices across the nation produced this big result.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 2 October 11

 

"Declining Traffic Fatalities” 

 

The number of people killed in traffic accidents last year was 8,326, down 4.8% from the previous year. This number of fatalities was the lowest since 1966 and less than half the number in 1970 when an all-time high of 16,765 was recorded. This positive result was brought about by a national traffic safety campaign led by police departments across the country.

 

添削

 

"Declining Traffic Fatalities” 

 

The number of people killed in traffic accidents last year was 8,326, down a 4.8% decrease from the previous year. This number of fatalities was the lowest since 1966 and less than half the number in 1970 when an all-time high of 16,765 was recorded. This positive result was brought about by a national traffic safety campaign led by police departments across the country.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Declining Traffic Fatalities” 

 

The number of people killed in traffic accidents last year was 8,326, a 4.8% decrease from the previous year. This number of fatalities was the lowest since 1966 and less than half the number in 1970 when an all-time high of 16,765 was recorded. This positive result was brought about by a national traffic safety campaign led by police departments across the country.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Kalo, 18 August 10

 

“Victims of Traffic Accidents Decreased Steadily”

 

The death toll from traffic accidents last year stayed at 8,326, down by 4.8 percent from last year. This figure was the lowest-ever since 1966 and less than a half of 16,765 victims in 1970, the worst-ever year. Traffic safety campaigns nationwide led by the police produced this good result.

添削

 

“Victims of Traffic Accidents Have Been Steadily1 Decreaseding Steadily

 

The death toll from traffic accidents last year stayed decreased to at 8,326, or down by 4.8 percent less than from the previous last year. This figure was the lowest-ever since 1966 and less than a half of 16,765 victims in 1970, the worst-ever year. Traffic safety campaigns nationwide led by the police produced this good result2.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       steadilyはある継続した状態を示す副詞ですから、have been steadily decreasingがよいでしょう。Victims of Traffic Accidents Decreased Again Last Year.とも表現できます。

 

2.       This good result was produced by the national campaign led by the police.という表現もありますが、投稿のような能動態のほうが主体がはっきりしてよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Victims of Traffic Accidents Have Been Steadily Decreasing ”

 

The death toll from traffic accidents last year decreased to 8,326, or 4.8 percent less than  the previous year. This figure was the lowest-ever since 1966 and less than a half of 16,765 victims in 1970, the worst-ever year. Traffic safety campaigns nationwide led by the police produced this good result.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(つぶあんこ、6 June 08

 

"Declining Number of Deaths in Traffic Accidents”

 

The number of victims who were killed in traffic accidents reached 8,326 last year, a decrease of 4.8 percentage from the previous year. That hit the record low since 1966 and less than a half of 16,765 deaths in 1970 ,which was the worst-ever. The police all over the country has led the national movement for traffic safety and has succeeded in getting the outcome, the decrease of deaths in traffic accidents.

 

添削

 

"Declining Number of Deaths in Traffic Accidents Are Declining1

 

The number of people victims who were killed in traffic accidents reached 8,326 last year, a decrease of 4.8 percentage from the previous year. That was the smallest number of deaths hit the record low since 1966 and less than a half of 16,765 deaths in 1970 ,which was the largest worst-ever number of deaths on record2. The police all over the country has3 led a the national campaign movement for traffic safety and has succeeded in getting the outcome, the reducing decrease the number of deaths in traffic accidents4.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       Deaths in Traffic AccidentsDeathsが文頭に来たほうが印象が深くなるでしょう。

 

2.       数字の比較をしているので、the smallest, the largestとしたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

3.       去年のことがらなので過去形がよいでしょう。

 

4.       全国の警察を先頭にした国民総ぐるみの交通安全運動がこの成果をもたらした。」は日本語に多い長い連体修飾句のついた名詞ですね。つぶあんこさんは「全国の警察が交通安全運動をした。(この結果警察は)交通事故死を減少することに成功した。」と二つの内容にわけてわかりやすく英文で表現しています。

 

添削後の文章

 

" Deaths in Traffic Accidents Are Declining”

 

The number of people killed in traffic accidents reached 8,326 last year, a decrease of 4.8 percent from the previous year. That was the smallest number of deaths since 1966 and less than half of 16,765 deaths in 1970 , the largest -ever number of deaths on record. The police all over the country led a national campaign for traffic safety and succeeded in reducing the number of deaths in traffic accidents.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、12 January 07

 

“Casualties of Traffic Accidents Declined”

 

The number of people who died in traffic accidents was 8326 last year, a decrease by 4.8% from the previous year. This is the lowest number since 1966 and a half of casualties in 1970 when the highest number of 16765 was recorded. Led by the police, all Japanese people took part in the “Traffic Safety Campaign” across the nation and bore this fruit.

 

添削

 

The Number of Casualties1 in of Traffic Accidents Declined”

 

The number of people who died were killed2 in traffic accidents was 8,326 last year, a decrease by 4.8% from the previous year. This is was the lowest number since 1966 and a half of casualties deaths by traffic accidents in 1970 when the highest number of 16,765 was recorded. Led by the police, all Japanese people took part in the “Traffic Safety Campaign” across the nation and bore this fruit achieved this result3.

 

コメント

 

1.       a casualtyは戦争や事故の負傷者または死者のことなので、the number of casualtiesとします。

 

2.       事故ではPeople are killed.という表現が一般的です。

 

3.       This bore fruit.という熟語でfruitは抽象的な意味を持ち、「この行動は実った。」という表現ですね。すると上の問題ではTheir joint action bore fruit.となります。日本語の表現の「〜の結果をもたらした。」に近いですね。「結果」も元来の意味は「木が実を結ぶ」ですから面白いです。

 

添削後の文章

 

“The Number of Casualties in Traffic Accidents Declined”

 

The number of people who were killed in traffic accidents was 8,326 last year, a decrease by 4.8% from the previous year. This was the lowest number since 1966 and a half of deaths by traffic accidents in 1970 when the highest number of 16,765 was recorded. Led by the police, all Japanese people took part in the “Traffic Safety Campaign” across the nation and  achieved this result.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(ミナミ、1 March 03

 

“A Decreasing Number of Death by Traffic Accidents”

 

Last year, the total of 8,326 people were killed in traffic accidents. This was a decrease of 4.8 percent from the previous year and the lowest since 1966. Now the number was less than half of that in1970, the worst year of traffic accidents when16,765 people were killed. This decrease in the death in traffic accidents was a result of combined efforts of both the police and people.

 

添削

 

“A Decreasing Number of Deaths by Traffic Accidents”

 

Last year, the a total of 8,326 people were killed in traffic accidents1. This was a decrease of 4.8 percent from the previous year and the lowest since 1966. Now the This number was less than half of that in1970, the worst year of for traffic accidents, when16,765 people were killed. This decrease in the deaths in due to traffic accidents was a the result of combined efforts of both the police and people.

 

コメント

 

数字の多い文章なので良くないようを整理してから英文で表現する必要があります。ミナミさんは日本語の内容をいくつかの英文に分けてわかりやすく表現しています。

 

1.       「昨年の交通事故死者は8326人である。」をミナミさんは Last year, the total of 8,326 people were killed in traffic accidents. と動詞を使って表現しています。この文ではミナミさんのように People were killed in traffic accidents.と表現するのが普通でPeople died in traffic accidents.あまり使いません。

 

添削後の文章

 

“A Decreasing Number of Deaths by Traffic Accidents”

 

Last year, a total of 8,326 people were killed in traffic accidents. This was a decrease of 4.8 percent from the previous year and the lowest since 1966. This number was less than half of that in1970, the worst year for traffic accidents, when16,765 people were killed. This decrease in deaths due to traffic accidents was the result of combined efforts of both the police and people.

 

 

中級問題 38 「防犯関連商品の販売が急伸」

 

宮崎県内の刑法犯罪数は増加の一途をたどっている。昨年は約一万五千六百件。今年もそれを上回るペースで推移する。 比例するように、ホームセキュリティーの契約や防犯関連商品の販売が急伸している。安全は「与えられるもの」から「自ら確保するもの」に変わってきた。

 

読者からの投稿 7(Lucca, 9 November 11

 

Surge Sales of Crime Prevention Goods

 

The number of criminal offenses has kept on increasing in Miyazaki Prefecture. Last year it reached the level of 15,600, but it will exceed last year's figure this year again. Concurrently with the increase of crimes, the subscription to home security services and sales of crime-prevention goods have been increasing at a rapid pace. Nowadays security is not what people are given by someone but what people ensure by themselves.

 

添削

 

Surge Sales of Crime Prevention Goods

 

The number of criminal offenses has kept on increasing in Miyazaki Prefecture. Last year it reached the level of 15,600, but it will exceed last year's figure this year again. Concurrently with the increase of crimes, the subscription to home security services and sales of crime-prevention goods have been increasing at a rapid pace. Nowadays security is not what people are given by someone but what people ensure by themselves.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 18 October 11

 

"Surge in Sale of Security Goods and Services”

 

The number of criminal offences has been on the rise in Miyazaki Prefecture. The prefecture saw as many as 15,600 of criminal offences last year and is seeing them increasing even at a faster pace this year. Subscriptions to home security services and sales of security goods have been surging proportional to the number of crimes. Apparently, our security is no longer something given to us by others but something we have to ensure by ourselves.

 

添削

 

"Surge in Sales of Security Goods and Services”

 

The number of criminal offences has been on the rise in Miyazaki Prefecture. The prefecture saw as many as 15,600 of criminal offences last year and is seeing them increasing even at a faster pace this year. Subscriptions to home security services and sales of security goods have been surging in proportional to the number of crimes. Apparently, our security is no longer something given to us by others but something we have to ensure by ourselves.

 

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Surge in Sales of Security Goods and Services”

 

The number of criminal offences has been on the rise in Miyazaki Prefecture. The prefecture saw as many as 15,600 of criminal offences last year and is seeing them increasing even at a faster pace this year. Subscriptions to home security services and sales of security goods have been surging in proportion to the number of crimes. Apparently, our security is no longer something given to us by others but something we have to ensure by ourselves.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Kalo, 22 August 10

 

“Increasing Sales of Home Security Goods”

 

The number of crimes is on the rise in Miyazaki Prefecture. The number reached about 15,600 last year and so far has been increasing at a faster pace this year. As the number of crimes increases, sales of home security services and products are sharply increasing. Now, security is not what is given by someone else but what is gained by yourself.

 

添削

 

“Increasing Sales of Home Security Goods in Miyazaki Prefecture

 

The number of crimes is on the rise in Miyazaki Prefecture. The number reached about 15,600 last year and so far has been increasing at a faster pace this year. As the number of crimes increases, sales of home security services and products are sharply increasing. Now, security is not what is given to you by someone else but what you is gained1 by yourself.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       敢えて受動態と能動態を対比して違いを強調することもできます。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Increasing Sales of Home Security Goods in Miyazaki Prefecture”

 

The number of crimes is on the rise in Miyazaki Prefecture. The number reached about 15,600 last year and so far has been increasing at a faster pace this year. As the number of crimes increases, sales of home security services and products are sharply increasing. Now, security is not what is given to you by someone else but what you gain by yourself.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(つぶあんこ、9 June 08

 

"Exploding Sales of Anti-crime Products”

 

The number of criminal offences has steadily increased in Miyazaki Prefecture and reached about 15,600 last year. The number of this year has already outpaces last year's record. As the crimes increase, the sales of home security services and anti-crime goods have been exploding. The security has shifted nowadays from what somebody gives us to what we acquire by ourselves.

 

添削

 

"Exploding Sales of Anti-crime Products”

 

The number of criminal offences has been steadily increaseding in Miyazaki Prefecture and reached about 15,600 last year1. The number of this year2 has already outpacesd last year's record. As the crimes increase3, the sales of home security services and anti-crime goods have been exploding. The sSecurity4 has changed shifted nowadays from what somebody gives us to what we acquire by ourselves.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「宮崎県内の刑法犯罪数は増加の一途をたどっている。昨年は約一万五千六百件。今年もそれを上回るペースで推移する。」とこの日本文は短文を続けて文章にリズムを作っています。一般的に、日本文は一文に入っている情報が多いので、英文で表現するときは複数の文にする場合が多いですが、この練習問題は逆ですね。つぶあんこさんは一番と二番の日本文を一つの英文にしています。日本文と同じように二つにするよりわかりやすいですね。

 

2.       この文でthis yearは副詞です。This year the number has outpaced last year.という順序でもよいので副詞とわかります。outpaceはすでに数字の比較を含む言葉なので、添削のように省略します。

 

3.       ここせcrimesは犯罪一般で、特定の犯罪を指す必要はないので定冠詞は要りません、

 

4.       security 安全一般の抽象名詞でよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Exploding Sales of Anti-crime Products”

 

The number of criminal offences has been steadily increasing in Miyazaki Prefecture and reached about 15,600 last year. The number this year has already outpaced last year. As  crimes increase, sales of home security services and anti-crime goods have been exploding.  Security has changed nowadays from what somebody gives us to what we acquire by ourselves.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、13 January 07

 

“Growing Sales of Security Goods”

 

The number of crimes continues to rise in Miyazaki Prefecture. There were 15,600 cases last year and we are seeing a faster pace of crime’s increase this year than last year. As the number of crime rises, more and more people have contracted with home security companies to protect their houses and buy security goods to prevent themselves from being involved in crimes. People come to understand that safety is not “given by society or administration” but “procured by themselves.”

 

添削

 

“Growing Sales of Home Security Goods”

 

The number of crimes criminal offences1 continues to rise in Miyazaki Prefecture. There were 15,600 cases last year and the number has been increasing2 at we are seeing a faster pace of crime’s increase this year than last year. As3 the number of crimes rises, more and more people have contracted with home security companies to protect their houses and buy bought security goods to prevent themselves from being involved in crimes. People come to understand that safety security is not “given by society or administration” but “procured by themselves their own efforts.”

 

コメント

 

1.       crimeは犯罪一般のことですね。日本文では刑法犯罪と明記して、民事犯罪から区別しているようなのでcriminal offences(刑法犯罪)にしました。

 

2.       ここは客観的事実の記述なのでweを使わずに添削のようしたほうがすっきりします。

 

3.       「比例するように」をAs the number of crimes risesとしたのが、わかりやすくてよいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Growing Sales of Home Security Goods”

 

The number of criminal offences1 continues to rise in Miyazaki Prefecture. There were 15,600 cases last year and the number has been increasing at a faster pace this year. As the number of crimes rises, more and more people have contracted with home security companies to protect their houses and bought security goods to prevent themselves from being involved in crimes. People come to understand that security is not “given by society or administration” but “procured by their own efforts.”

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Kenji, 21 March 03

 

“Increasing Sales of Home Safety Products and Services”

 

The number of criminal offences has been steadily increasing in Miyazaki Prefecture. Last year, the number was 15,600 and this year it has been moving at a higher rate. In proportion to the number of crimes, sales of home safety products have been rapidly increasing. Now we regard safety is as something we acquire rather than something given.

 

添削

 

“Increasing Sales of Home Safety Security Products and Services”

 

The number of criminal offences has been steadily increasing in Miyazaki Prefecture. Last year, the number was reached 115,600 and this year it has been moving increasing at a higher rate. In proportion toAs the number of crimes increases, sales of home safety security products and services have been rapidly increasing. Now we regard safety security is as something we acquire by our own efforts2 rather than something that is given to us by somebody else3.

 

コメント

 

1.       be動詞のwasよりreachedとしたほうが、主語に動作があるので文の印象が強くなります。

 

2.       文の内容を説明するためにこの句を加えました。日本文は「〜に変わって来た。」と状態を単に述べているだけですが、Kenjiさんは「われわれは安全を〜と考えるようになった。」と「A~する。」と能動的に表現しています。日本文では「〜となった。」というように「(状態)が自然に〜のようになる。」という表現の仕方が多くあります。英文では「動作の主体が〜する。」というのが文の基本形です。これが日本文と英文の発想の大きな相違の一つです。

 

3.       ここも文の前半と対応した形で説明を補足しました。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Increasing Sales of Home Security Products and Services”

 

The number of criminal offences has been steadily increasing in Miyazaki Prefecture. Last year, the number reached15,600 and this year it has been increasing at a higher rate. As the number of crimes increases, sales of home security products and services have been rapidly increasing. Now we regard security as something we acquire by our own efforts rather than something that is given to us by somebody else.

 

 

中級問題 39 「少ない外国人観光客」

 

日本から海外に向かう観光客は年間1600万人台だが、日本に入って来る外国人観光客はわずか400万人台でしかない。その比率は先進国で最も低く、世界全体では30番台後半で韓国の下にある。

 

読者からの投稿 6(Lucca, 11 November 11

 

Fewer Foreign Tourists 

 

While 16 million people go abroad from Japan annually, only 4 million foreigners visit Japan. Japan's ratio of entering and leaving the country is the lowest among developed countries and worldwide, Japan's ranking is the last half of 30s, which is below South Korea.

 

添削

 

Fewer Foreign Tourists Visit Japan

 

While 16 million Japanese people go abroad from Japan annually, only 4 million foreigners visit Japan. Japan's ratio of Japanese tourists going abroad to foreign tourists coming to Japan entering and leaving the country is the lowest among developed countries, and worldwide, Japan's ranking is in the last half of 30s worldwide, which is below South Korea.

 

コメント

 

Japan's ratio of entering and leaving the country is the lowest among developed countriesのところがわかりにくいです。添削のようにJapanese tourists, foreign touristsを入れるとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Few Foreign Tourists Visit Japan

 

While 16 million Japanese go abroad from Japan annually, only 4 million foreigners visit Japan. Japan's ratio of Japanese tourists going abroad to foreign tourists coming to Japan  is the lowest among developed countries, and Japan's ranking is in the last half of 30s worldwide, below South Korea.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 18 October 11

 

"Fewer Foreign Tourists Visiting Japan"  

 

While more than 16 million of Japanese tourists travel abroad every year, the number of foreign tourists coming to Japan is nothing more than 4 million level. Japan’s ratio of incoming tourists against outgoing ones is the lowest among developed countries and is ranked high thirties worldwide after South Korea.

 

添削

 

"Fewer Foreign Tourists Visiting Japan"  

 

While more than 16 million of Japanese tourists travel abroad every year, the number of foreign tourists coming to Japan is nothing more than 4 million level. Japan’s ratio of incoming tourists against outgoing ones is the lowest among developed countries and is ranked in the high thirties worldwide after South Korea.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Fewer Foreign Tourists Visiting Japan"  

 

While more than 16 million of Japanese tourists travel abroad every year, the number of foreign tourists coming to Japan is nothing more than 4 million level. Japan’s ratio of incoming tourists against outgoing ones is the lowest among developed countries and is ranked in the high thirties worldwide after South Korea.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Kalo, 3 October 10

 

"Few Foreign Tourists to Japan”

 

About 16 million Japanese people travel overseas a year while only about 4 million foreign tourists travel to Japan. In the ratio of incoming to outgoing tourists, Japan ranks the worst among developed countries, staying between the 35th and 40th in the world and behind South Korea.

 

添削

 

"Few Foreign Tourists to Japan”

 

About 16 million Japanese people travel overseas a year while only about 4 million foreign tourists travel to Japan. In the ratio of incoming to outgoing tourists, Japan ranks the worst among developed countries, staying between the 35th and 40t1 in the world and behind South Korea.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。 添削箇所はありません。

 

「(ランキングで)30番台後半」は投稿の表現でわかります。ranking in the second half of 30sという表現もできます。

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(あすか、1 January 10

 

"Fewer Foreign Tourists"

 

While 16 million travelers go abroad from Japan, only 4 million foreigners come to Japan.  The ratio of people leaving and entering Japan ranks in the second half of  30s  in the whole world and it is below South Korea's.

 

添削

 

"Fewer Foreign Tourists Visit Japan"

 

Recently1, Wwhile 16 million travelers go abroad from Japan, only 4 million foreigners come to Japan a year. The ratio of people leaving entering Japan to people and leaving entering Japan2 ranks in the second half of 30s3 in the whole world and it is ranks below South Korea's4. Among industrialized countries, Japan has the lowest ratio.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       日本文には欠けていますが、多分この数年のことを言っているのでしょう。

 

2.       The ratio of apples to oranges in this basket is 1 to 2. The apple to orange ratio in this basket is 1:2. The apple/orange ratio in this basket is 1:2.のようにa ratioを使います。The ratio of A to BABの両者が明確なことが必要です。このもんだではThe ratio of people entering Japan to people leaving Japanとなります。1:2の比率は分数で表現すれば1/2ですから、1/3のほうが1/2より小さい比率になります。上の日本文では「日本から海外に向かう観光客は年間1600万人台だが、日本に入って来る外国人観光客はわずか400万人台でしかない。その比率は先進国で最も低く」という表現ですから、素直に読めば比率は1600/400ですから、「もっとも低く」という表現と矛盾しますね。

 

3.       30台前半、後半はin the former (latter) half of 30s, in the upper (lower) half of 30s, in the first (second) half of 30sなどの表現があります。私はthe first (second) half of 30sが一番分かりやすいとおもいます。

 

4.       文章全体の主語をThe ratioにすると分かりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Fewer Foreign Tourists Visit Japan"

 

Recently, while 16 million travelers go abroad from Japan, only 4 million foreigners come to Japan a year. The ratio of people entering Japan to people leaving Japan ranks in the second half of 30s in the world and ranks below South Korea. Among industrialized countries, Japan has the lowest ratio.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、14 January 07

 

“Not so Many Foreign tourists visit Japan”

 

The number of foreign tourists who come to Japan is only above 4 million in a year, while the number of Japanese tourists who go to abroad is more than 16 million. Japan’s ratio of incoming tourists to outgoing tourists is the lowest in the developed countries and it is ranked in the latter of 30s in the world, being positioned lower than South Korea.

 

添削

 

“Not sSo Many Foreign tTourists vVisit Japan”

 

The number of foreign tourists who come to Japan is only above 4 million in a year, while the number of Japanese tourists who go to abroad is more than 16 million. Japan’s ratio of incoming tourists to outgoing tourists1 is the lowest in the developed countries and it is ranked in the latter second half of 30s in the world, which is being positioned lower than South Korea’s2.

 

コメント

 

1.       「その比率は」をJapan’s ratio of incoming tourists to outgoing touristsと明確に表現したのがよいですね。

 

2.       動名詞節でもよいのですが、関係代名詞節のほうがwhichがあるので文の構造がきちんとした感じになります(これは私の感覚による判断で、個人の好みも入っています)。

 

添削後の判断

 

“Not So Many Foreign Tourists Visit Japan”

 

The number of foreign tourists who come to Japan is only above 4 million a year, while the number of Japanese tourists who go abroad is more than 16 million. Japan’s ratio of incoming tourists to outgoing tourists is the lowest in the developed countries and it is ranked in the second half of 30s in the world, which is lower than South Kore’s.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Kenji, 21 March 03

 

“Foreign Tourists to Japan”

 

Every year, about 16 million Japanese tourists go overseas, while only about 4 million foreign tourists visit Japan. The ratio of in-coming tourists over out-going tourists is the lowest for Japan among industrialized countries. Japan ranks in the second part of 30s in the world below South Korea’s.

 

添削

 

“Foreign Tourists to Japan”

 

Every year, about 16 million Japanese tourists go overseas, while only about 4 million foreign tourists visit Japan1. The ratio of in-coming tourists over out-going tourists2 is the lowest for Japan among industrialized countries . : Japan ranks in the second part lower half of 30s in the world ranking of the national ratio3 below South Korea’s.

 

コメント

 

1.       Kenjiさんは「日本から海外に向かう観光客は年間1600万人台だが、日本に入って来る外国人観光客はわずか400万人台でしかない。」を日本人観光客と外国人観光客を主語にしてわかりやすい英文で表現しています。Whileで接続された二つの文の形が対応しているので内容がわかりやすくなっています。

 

2.       日本文では「その比率」となっていますが英文でthat ratioと表現しても何がthatなのかわからないですね。Kenjiさんのように説明する必要があります。「ABに対する比率」はA/Bですからthe ration of A over Bになります。この日本文では文脈から「日本にくる外国人観光客」の「外国に行く日本人観光客」に対する比率ですから、4/16 = 0.25になります。One foreign tourist visits Japan for every 4 Japanese tourists going overseas.とも言えますね。

 

3.       「世界全体では30番台後半」は「日本はこの比率の世界ランキングで30番台後半である。」の意味ですから、KenjiさんのようにJapan ranks ~と表現できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Foreign Tourists to Japan”

 

Every year, about 16 million Japanese tourists go overseas, while only about 4 million foreign tourists visit Japan. The ratio of in-coming tourists over out-going tourists is the lowest for Japan among industrialized countries : Japan ranks in the lower half of 30s in the world ranking of the national ratio below South Korea.

 

 

中級問題 40 「京都議定書の発効まじか」

 

地球の温暖化を食い止めようという京都議定書が多分、今年中に発効する。ロシアの批准が条件だが、97年12月の採択だから発効までに実に6年もの歳月を要することになる。

 

先進国を中心に温室効果ガスの削減に本格的に取り組み始める。そんな中で最大の排出国である米国が議定書を離脱し、途上国は削減義務を負わない。大きな限界を背負っての門出となる。

 

読者からの投稿 7(Lucca, 14 November 11

 

The Kyoto Protocol will soon Enter into Force

 

The Kyoto Protocol on curbing global warming will enter into force by the end of this year, pending the ratification by Russia. It means that its entry into force would have taken six years, as it was adopted on December 1997.  Countries, mainly developed ones, will start to adopt a serious stance on the reduction of greenhouse gases. But the US, the world's largest emitter of greenhouse gases, does not join the treaty and developing countries will not have the obligation to reduce greenhouse gases. Thus, the treaty has to start with serious limitations.

 

添削

 

The Kyoto Protocol will soon Enter into Force

 

The Kyoto Protocol on cCurbing gGlobal wWarming will enter into force by the end of this year, pending the ratification by Russia. It This means that it will have taken six years before it becomes effective since its entry into force would have taken six years, as it was adopted in on December 1997.  Countries, mainly developed ones, will start to adopting a serious measures stance on the to reductione of greenhouse gases. But the US, the world's largest emitter of greenhouse gases, does not join the treaty and developing countries will not have the obligation to reduce greenhouse gases. Thus, the treaty has to start with serious limitations.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Kyoto Protocol will soon Enter into Force

 

The Kyoto Protocol on Curbing Global Warming will enter into force by the end of this year, pending the ratification by Russia. This means that it will have taken six years before it becomes effective since it was adopted in December 1997. Countries, mainly developed ones, will start adopting serious measures to reduce greenhouse gases. But the US, the world's largest emitter of greenhouse gases, does not join the treaty and developing countries will not have the obligation to reduce greenhouse gases. Thus, the treaty has to start with serious limitations.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 18 October 11

 

"Kyoto Protocol Takes Effect” 

 

The Kyoto Protocol, an international pact aiming to stop global warming, is going to come into effect by the end of this year, assuming that Russia ratifies the pact. Adopted in 1997, the pact had to wait for as long as 6 years before it takes effect. The ratifying countries, especially developed countries, are going to get down to the reduction of greenhouse gas emissions. Unfortunately, however, the United States, the world's largest emitter of greenhouse gases, has withdrawn from the protocol and developing countries have not been obliged to reduce their emissions. Accordingly, the protocol is to take effect with such serious constraints.

 

添削

 

"Kyoto Protocol Takes Effect” 

 

The Kyoto Protocol, an international pact aiming to stop global warming, is going to come into effect by the end of this year, assuming that Russia ratifies the pact. Adopted in 1997, the pact had to wait for as long as 6 years before it takes effect. The ratifying countries, especially developed countries, are going to work harder to reduce get down to the reduction of greenhouse gas emissions. Unfortunately, however, the United States, the world's largest emitter of greenhouse gases, has withdrawn from the protocol and developing countries have not been obliged to reduce their emissions. Accordingly, the protocol is to take effect with such serious constraints.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Kyoto Protocol Takes Effect” 

 

The Kyoto Protocol, an international pact aiming to stop global warming, is going to come into effect by the end of this year, assuming that Russia ratifies the pact. Adopted in 1997, the pact had to wait for as long as 6 years before it takes effect. The ratifying countries, especially developed countries, are going to work harder to reduce greenhouse gas emissions. Unfortunately, however, the United States, the world's largest emitter of greenhouse gases, has withdrawn from the protocol and developing countries have not been obliged to reduce their emissions. Accordingly, the protocol is to take effect with such serious constraints.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(あすか、3 January 10

 

"Upcoming Effect of Kyoto Protocol"

 

The Kyoto Protocol, which is designed for stopping global warming will come into effect by the end of the year. It's been six years since the protocol was adopted in December 1997 although the Russian's ratification term. Developed countries have been led to address the problem of serious greenhouse gas emissions. However, the U.S., the world largest emitters of greenhouse gasses has withdrawn from the protocol, and shall have no obligation to reduce the emission for developed countries. The Kyoto Protocol have launched to bear the substantial limits stopping global warming.

 

添削

 

"Upcoming Effect of Kyoto Protocol Will Soon Come Into Effect1"

 

The Kyoto Protocol, which is designed for stopping global warming will come into effect by the end of this the year if Russia ratifies the protocol2. It's been six years since the protocol was adopted in December 1997 although the Russian's ratification term. Developed countries have been led forced to address the problem of serious greenhouse gas emissions. However, the U.S., the world largest emitters of greenhouse gasses, has withdrawn from the protocol,. Moreover, developing countries3 and shall will have no obligation to reduce their emissions for developed countries. Thus, Tthe Kyoto Protocol will be have launched with to bear the its substantial limitsations for stopping global warming.

 

コメント

英文の内容の総てがわかりますが、日本文の内容と異なるところがあります。

 

1.       文にしたほうが文章の内容をよく伝えるでしょう。

 

2.       この内容はこの文に入れたほうがよいでしょう。

 

3.       これが京都議定書の重要な限界です。コペンハーゲンでも開発国の反対で何も決まりませんでした。

 

添削後の文章

 

" Kyoto Protocol Will Soon Come Into Effect"

 

The Kyoto Protocol, which is designed for stopping global warming will come into effect by the end of this year if Russia ratifies the protocol. It's been six years since the protocol was adopted in December 1997. Developed countries have been forced to address the problem of serious greenhouse gas emissions. However, the U.S., the world largest emitter of greenhouse gasses, has withdrawn from the protocol. Moreover, developing countries will have no obligation to reduce their emissions. Thus, the Kyoto Protocol will be launched with  its substantial limitations for stopping global warming.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(P&C, 20 July 08

 

"Taking Effect the Kyoto Protocol is Just in Sight"

 

The Kyoto Protocol to aim to prevent the global warming probably take effect in this year by ratification of the protocol by Russia. Since adoption of the protocol in December 1997, it takes very six years to take effect the protocol. Nations that ratified the protocol, mainly advanced nations, start wrestling in earnest with a cut of discharge of gases having the greenhouse effect. But United States that discharges the largest of the gases in the world defects from the protocol. And developing nations that ratified the protocol don't take duty for cutting it. The protocol is about to take effect with severe limitations.

 

添削

 

"Taking Effect tThe Kyoto Protocol is Taking Effect Soon Just in Sight1"

 

The Kyoto Protocol. which is to aimed at to preventing the global warming2, is probably takeing effect in this year by if it is ratified ratification of the protocol by Russia. Since adoption of the protocol was adopted in December 1997, it will be takes very six years before it finally to takes effect the protocol. The Nnations that have ratified the protocol, mainly advanced industrial nations, start wrestling in earnest with their efforts a to reduce cut of the discharge of gases having the greenhouse effects. But the United States that discharges the largest amount of the gases in the world has withdrawn defects from the protocol. And the developing nations that have ratified the protocol are not obliged to reduce greenhouse gasses don't take duty for cutting it. Thus, Tthe protocol is about to take effect with severe limitations.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       主語を名詞句にすると、Taking Effect of the Kyoto Protocol is in Sightとなりますが、添削のように簡単な構造にしたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       主語を説明する修飾節なので添削のように関係代名詞節にしたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"The Kyoto Protocol is Taking Effect Soon"

 

The Kyoto Protocol. which is aimed at preventing global warming, is probably taking effect  this year if it is ratified by Russia. Since the protocol was adopted in December 1997, it will be six years before it finally takes effect. The nations that have ratified the protocol, mainly advanced industrial nations, start wrestling in earnest with their efforts to reduce the discharge of gases having greenhouse effects. But the United States that discharges the largest amount of gases in the world has withdrawn from the protocol. And the developing nations that have ratified the protocol are not obliged to reduce greenhouse gasses. Thus, the protocol is about to take effect with severe limitations.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 1 October 07

 

"The Kyoto Protocol Comes into Force"

 

The Kyoto Protocol, an international treaty designed to fight global warming, will likely come into force this year on condition that Russia ratifies it. The Protocol will finally come into force six years after it was adopted in December 1997.

 

When the Kyoto Protocol comes into force, the signatory countries, mainly developed countries, need to make further efforts to reduce greenhouse gas emissions. However, the Kyoto Protocol still has a long way to go. In fact, the Untied States, the world's top emitter of greenhouse gases, has decided to withdraw from the Protocol and also developing countries aren't obliged to reduce greenhouse gas emissions. The Kyoto Protocol will likely come into force this year. But much hard work needs to be done to fight global warming.

 

添削

 

"The Kyoto Protocol Comes into Force"

 

The Kyoto Protocol, an international treaty designed to fight global warming, will likely come into force this year on the condition that Russia ratifies it. Then, Tthe Protocol will finally come into force six years after it was adopted in December 1997.

 

When the Kyoto Protocol comes into force, the signatory countries, mainly developed countries, need to make further efforts to reduce greenhouse gas emissions. However, the Kyoto Protocol still has a long way to go. In fact, the Untied States, the world's top largest emitter of greenhouse gases, has decided to withdraw from the Protocol and also some developing countries aren't obliged to reduce greenhouse gas emissions. The Kyoto Protocol will likely come into force this year. But much more hard work needs to be done to fight global warming.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"The Kyoto Protocol Comes into Force"

 

The Kyoto Protocol, an international treaty designed to fight global warming, will likely come into force this year on the condition that Russia ratifies it. Then, the Protocol will finally come into force six years after it was adopted in December 1997.

 

When the Kyoto Protocol comes into force, the signatory countries, mainly developed countries, need to make further efforts to reduce greenhouse gas emissions. However, the Kyoto Protocol still has a long way to go. In fact, the Untied States, the world's largest emitter of greenhouse gases, has decided to withdraw from the Protocol and some developing countries aren't obliged to reduce greenhouse gas emissions. The Kyoto Protocol will likely come into force this year. But much more hard work needs to be done to fight global warming.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、15 January 07

 

“Kyoto Protocol will be in Effect Soon”

 

The “Kyoto Protocol” which is aimed to contain the global warming will be probably in effect within this year. Actually, it needs Russian’s ratification to go into its effect. The protocol has needed as long as six years to be imposed since it had first adopted in December 1997. Once it is imposed, the world will start taking action on full-scale to reduce greenhouse gas emissions mainly driven by industrialized countries. Even in such a trend of the world, the U.S. remains outside of the agreement and developing countries also do not have any duties to cut their emissions. The Kyoto Protocol has a tough hurdle from its start.

 

添削

 

“Kyoto Protocol wWill bBe in Effect Soon”

 

The “Kyoto Protocol” which is aimed to contain the global warming will be probably likely1 in effect within this year. Actually, it needs Russian’s ratification to go into its effect. The protocol has needed as long as six years to be imposed implemented since it had was first adopted in December 1997. Once it is imposed implemented, the world signatory countries will start taking action on full-scale to reduce greenhouse gas emissions, 2mainly driven by industrialized countries. Even in such a trend of the world, the U.S. remains outside of the agreement protocol and developing countries also do not have any duties to cut their emissions under the protocol. The Kyoto Protocol has a tough hurdle to over come from its start to make it a truly international agreement3.

 

コメント

 

1.       「地球の温暖化」、「京都議定書」、「協定が発効する」、「協定に批准する」、「温室効果ガス」などの一般的な英語表現を見つけるのが先決です。「「協定が発効する」、「協定に批准する」は一般的な和英辞書にもでていますが、「地球の温暖化」、「京都議定書」などはまだ辞書に載っていないことがあります。英辞郎On the Web http://www.alc.co.jp/ にはこのような新しい言葉の英語表現が載っているので、これを手がかりに適切な英語表現を探すという方法があります。英字新聞や英語雑誌を読んで、このような表現を集めた語彙集をつくるという本格的な方法もあります。わたしは何度やっても三日坊主でした。

 

2.       コンマをいれて、直前のgas emissions driven byと続くのではない、ということをはっきりさせてほうがよいでしょう。

 

3.       The Kyoto Protocol has a tough hurdle.京都議定書は(乗り越えるべき)高いハードルを抱えている、でハードルの向こうに何があるのか補足説明を入れないと内容がはっきりしません。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Kyoto Protocol Will Be in Effect Soon”

 

The “Kyoto Protocol” which is aimed to contain global warming will be likely in effect within this year. Actually, it needs Russian’s ratification to go into its effect. The protocol has needed as long as six years to be implemented since it was first adopted in December 1997. Once it is implemented, the signatory countries will start taking action on full-scale to reduce greenhouse gas emissions, mainly driven by industrialized countries. Even in such a trend of the world, the U.S. remains outside of the protocol and developing countries do not have any duties to cut their emissions under the protocol. The Kyoto Protocol has a tough hurdle to over come from its start to make it a truly international agreement.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(いずみ、22 March 02

 

“The Kyoto Accord Come into Effect”

 

The Kyoto Accord is intended to prevent global warming and will perhaps come into effect this year. Russia’s ratification is a condition for the Accord to become effective. If Russia ratifies the Accord this year, it will take six years from the time when the Accord was adopted by participating countries in December 1997 to the time when it will finally goes into effect this year.

 

Once the Accord goes into effect, the countries participating in the Accord will accelerate their efforts to reduce the exhaustion of gasses with greenhouse effects into the air. But the Accord will come into effect, while the United States, which exhaust the largest amount of gasses into the air, has decided not to ratify the Accord and developing countries are not participating in the Accord. Thus, the Accord will be implemented with major limitations from the beginning.

 

添削

 

“The Kyoto Accord Comes into Effect”

 

The Kyoto Accord, which is intended to prevent global warming, and will perhaps likely come into effect this year1. Russia’s ratification is a condition for the Accord to become effective. If Russia ratifies the Accord this year, it will take six years from the time when the Accord was adopted by participating countries in December 1997 to the time when it will finally goes come into effect this year2.

 

Once the Accord goes into effect3, the countries participating in the Accord will accelerate their efforts to reduce the exhaustion emission of gasses with causing the greenhouse effects into the air. But the Accord will come into effect, while without the United States, which exhausts the largest amount of greenhouse gasses into the air4, . The United States has decided not to ratify the Accord and there are also other developing countries are not participating in the Accord. Thus, the Accord will be implemented with major limitations from the beginning.

 

コメント

 

短い日本文ですが、読者が京都議定書についてすでに知っていることを前提にした文章なので、日本文に書かれている内容だけを英文で表現すると、内容にまとまりが無くなってしまいます。いずみさんは内容を上手に補足して英文で表現しています。

 

1.       「地球の温暖化を食い止めようという京都議定書が多分、今年中に発効する。」は「京都議定書が多分今年中に発効する。」、「京都議定書は地球の温暖化を食い止めるためのものである。」の二つの小文に分けられます。最初の小文が主題ですから、添削のように2番目の小文の関係代名詞節を簡略な形に書きなおしました。

 

2.       Once the Accord goes into effectを加えることによって、前の文とのつながりが良くなっています。

 

3.       いずみさんは「97年12月の採択だから発効までに実に6年もの歳月を要することになる。」の内容を良く考えて補足して英文で表現しています。

 

4.       「そんな中で最大の排出国である米国が議定書を離脱し、途上国は削減義務を負わない。」の内容はThe United States has decided not to ratify the Accord.Developing countries are not participating in the Accord at all.の二つですが、「そんな中で」は前の文章の内容を受けているので、どのような中なのか英文で説明する必要があります。いずみさんは日本文の形にとらわれずに内容を再構築して英文で表現しています。

 

添削後の文章

 

“The Kyoto Accord Comes into Effect”

 

The Kyoto Accord, intended to prevent global warming, will likely come into effect this year. Russia’s ratification is a condition for the Accord to become effective. If Russia ratifies the Accord this year, it will take six years from the time when the Accord was adopted by participating countries in December 1997 to the time when it will finally come into effect this year.

 

Once the Accord goes into effect, the countries participating in the Accord will accelerate their efforts to reduce the emission of gasses causing the greenhouse effect. But the Accord will come into effect without the United States which exhausts the largest amount of greenhouse gasses into the air. The United States has decided not to ratify the Accord and there are also other developing countries not participating in the Accord. Thus, the Accord will be implemented with major limitations from the beginning.