トップページに戻る

 

中級練習問題の添削  16−20

 

練習問題 16 「寝室の近代化」(12 Jan 03) (16 Nov 05) (14 Nov 06) (18 June 07) (19 Apr 08)

(30 July 08) (26 Nov 09) (7 Aug 11) (24 Sept 11)

 

練習問題 17「牛肉を食べる」(12 Jan 03) (17 Nov 05) (14 Nov 06) (19 June 07) (12 July 08)

(31 July 08) (30 Nov 09) (8 Aug 11) (26 Sept 11)

 

練習問題 18 「通勤電車のエアコン」(21 Jan 03) (18 Nov 05) (16 Nov 06) (23 June 07)

(1 Aug 08) (4 Dec 09) (11 Aug 11) (26 Sept 11)

 

練習問題 19 「海外旅行の同行」(21 Jan 03) (20 Nov 05) (22 Nov 06) (25 June 07)

(4 Dec 09) (14 Aug 11) (2 Oct 11)

 

練習問題 20「学校給食の食べ残しの費用(21 Jan 03) (21 Nov 05) (29 Nov 06) (19 July 07)

(9 July 08) (5 Aug 08) (5 Dec 09) (13 Aug 11) 

 

練習問題 16 「寝室の近代化」

 

住居の近代化・合理化によって、従来あまり顧みられなかった寝室を重要視し、機能的でしかも快適な空間にしようと考慮されるようになり、そこに備えられる家具や寝具も工夫を凝らし、“寝室の美学”という言葉さえ生まれ、ムードづくりを重んずるようになった。

 

読者からの投稿 9(Lucca, 24 September 11

 

Modernization of Bedrooms

 

Under the influence of housing modernization and improvement, bedrooms have been in the spotlight in recent years. Although we haven't much thought about bedrooms in the past, a display of bedrooms now provides a functional and comfortable place. Furniture and bedding in the bedroom are elaborately considered the color and shape. We become to appreciate a good atmosphere for sleep with the newborn word of "Bedroom Aesthetics"

 

添削

 

Modernization of Bedrooms

 

Under the influence of housing modernization and improvement, bedrooms have been in the spotlight in recent years. Although we haven't much thought about bedrooms in the past, a display of a bedrooms now provides a functional and comfortable place. Furniture and bedding in the bedroom are carefully elaborately considered for the effect of their colors and shapes. We become to appreciate a good atmosphere for sleep with the a newborn word of "Bedroom Aesthetics"

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Modernization of Bedrooms

 

Under the influence of housing modernization and improvement, bedrooms have been in the spotlight in recent years. Although we haven't much thought about bedrooms in the past, a bedroom now provides a functional and comfortable place. Furniture and bedding in the bedroom are carefully considered for the effect of their colors and shapes. We become to appreciate a good atmosphere for sleep with a newborn word of "Bedroom Aesthetics"

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 8 August 11

 

"Modernization of Bedrooms”

 

Thanks to the housing modernization and improvement today, the bedroom which had not been thought much of for a long time is in the limelight. In order to make a bedroom more functional and comfortable, various measures are undertaken to elaborate furniture and bedclothes furnished there. This trend even has created a new word “aesthetics of the bedroom”, underscoring a comfortable atmosphere in a bedroom.

 

添削

 

"Modernization of Bedrooms”

 

Thanks to the current trend1 in housing modernization and improvement today, a the bedroom which had has not been thought much of for a long time is in the limelight. In order to make a bedroom more functional and comfortable, various measures are undertaken such as to putting elaborate furniture and bedclothes furnished there. This trend even has created a new word “the aesthetics of the a bedroom”, underscoring a comfortable atmosphere in a bedroom.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       the があるので、何か具体的なものが必要です。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Modernization of Bedrooms”

 

Thanks to the current trend in housing modernization and improvement, a bedroom which has not been thought much of for a long time is in the limelight. In order to make a bedroom more functional and comfortable, various measures are undertaken such as putting elaborate furniture and bedclothes there. This trend even has created a new word “the aesthetics of a bedroom”, underscoring a comfortable atmosphere in a bedroom.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(Kalo, 26 November 09

 

"The Modernization of Bedrooms”

 

As housing is modernized and improved, people have started to think more of a bedroom than they used to. They have tried to make a bedroom more efficient and comfortable, elaborating the bedclothes and furniture. Now, a phrase “bedroom aesthetics” has been coined. People has put value on a bedroom and tried to create the good atmosphere.

 

添削

 

"The Modernization of Bedrooms”

 

As housing is modernized and improved, people have started paying more attention to their to think more of a bedrooms than they used to. They are1 have triedying to make their a bedroom more efficient and comfortable, using more elaboratinge the bedclothes and furniture. Now, a phrase, “bedroom aesthetics,” has been coined, describing . People has put value on a bedroom and tried to create with a the good atmosphere.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

ここからは現在形がよいでしょう。「重んずるようになった」とありますが、これは「現在は重んじている」と解釈するのがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

 

" Modernization of Bedrooms”

 

As housing is modernized and improved, people have started paying more attention to their  bedrooms than they used to. They are trying to make their bedroom more efficient and comfortable, using more elaborate bedclothes and furniture. Now, a phrase, “bedroom aesthetics,” has been coined, describing a bedroom with a good atmosphere.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(かい、30 July 08

 

Modernization of a bedroom

 

Because of modernization and rationalization of an residence, we came to regard as important the bedroom that we had hardly taken notice of in the past. Therefore, we have tried to make it functional and comfortable space and have made elaborately the furniture and bed clothing that are placed in the bedroom. As a result of it, even the term “The aesthetic of an bedroom” appeared. Also we began to think it important to make the atmosphere of the bedroom.

 

添削

 

Modernization of a bedroom

 

Because of modernization and rationalization of housing1 an residence, we have come2 came to regard a bedroom as an important part of our house. In the past, the bedroom that we had hardly taken notice of the bedroom in the past. Therefore, wWe want have tried3 to make it functional and comfortable space and paying special attention to have made elaborately the furniture and bed clothing that are placed in the bedroom4. As a result of it, even the term “The bedroom aesthetics of an bedroomhas appeared. and we are talking about5 Also we began to think it important how to improve make the atmosphere of the bedroom.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。日本語には英語のような時制の概念がないので、日本文の内容を英文で表現するときには時制に注意します。

 

1.       住環境一般という意味でhousingのほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       現在はこういう状態になった、という意味で現在完了形がよいでしょう。we regard a house as the most important personal asset. という形です。

 

3.       「(今や寝室に対する考え方が変わったので)〜したい」と現在形にします。

 

4.       and have made elaborately the furniture and bed clothingとすると、自分で家具やべっどクロージングを作る、という意味になります。

 

5.       すでに住環境に関する意識が変わっている、ということなのでwe are talking about ~とすると臨場感が出ます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Modernization of a bedroom

 

Because of modernization and rationalization of housing, we have come to regard a bedroom as an important part of our house. In the past, we had hardly taken notice of the bedroom. We want to make it functional and comfortable paying special attention to the furniture and bed clothing. As a result, even the term “ bedroom aesthetics ” has appeared and we are talking about how to improve the atmosphere of the bedroom.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(つぶあんこ、19 April 08

 

“Modernization of the Bed Room”

 

Due to the modernization and rationalization of dwellings, the bedroom, which has been neglected of, gets into the limelight. People try to make the bedroom functional and comfortable and elaborate the equipments such as furniture and bedclothes, Even a phrase “bedroom aesthetics” has emerged. People put a premium on the ambience of the bedroom.

 

添削

 

“Modernization of the Bed Room”

 

Due to the current fashion of modernizing and rationalizing modernization and rationalization of dwellings, the bedroom, which has been neglected of for a long time, gets into the limelight. People try to make the bedroom more functional and comfortable and spend time and money on elaborateing furniture and decorationsthe equipments such as furniture and bedclothes, Even a phrase “bedroom aesthetics” has emerged., making Ppeople more confident to put a premium on the ambience of the bedroom.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。投稿のままでよいですが、添削は内容を少し文明批評的にしてみました。「寝室のムードづくり」はどんなムードなのかわからないので、表現がむずかしいですね。the ambience of the bedroomは適切だとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Due to the current fashion of modernizing and rationalizing dwellings, the bedroom, which has been neglected for a long time, gets into the limelight. People try to make the bedroom more functional and comfortable and spend time and money on elaborating furniture and decorations, Even a phrase “bedroom aesthetics” has emerged, making people more confident to put a premium on the ambience of the bedroom.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(あすか、18 June 07

 

While new housing become modern and more efficient, people are concerned to make comfortable and functional space about their bedrooms. They choose bedding and furniture of design to fit their bedrooms. Therefore, this is called such a phrase "bedroom aesthetics" that people care about their bedrooms with relaxing and romantic atmosphere.

 

添削

 

While As new housing becomes modern and more efficient, people are concerned to make the bedroom1 comfortable and functional space about their bedrooms2. They choose beddings and furniture carefully paying attention to their of designs to fit their bedrooms. Therefore, this is called such a phrase Now we even talk about3 "bedroom aesthetics" and that people care about their bedrooms with the relaxing and romantic atmosphere of the bedroom.

 

コメント

 

1.       寝室一般を指すものとしてthe bedroomとします。

 

2.       make a comfortable space in the bedroomよりmake the bedroom comfortableとしたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

3.       「“寝室の美学”という言葉さえ生まれ」というように、自然に〜になった、という表現を日本語は好みますが、英語ではWe talk about bedroom aestheticsのように能動的な表現が多くなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

As new housing becomes modern and more efficient, people are concerned to make the bedroom comfortable and functional. They choose beds and furniture carefully paying attention to their designs. Now we even talk about "bedroom aesthetics" and care about  the relaxing and romantic atmosphere of the bedroom.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(さくら、14 November 06

 

"Modernization of the Bedroom"

 

A bedroom which was not acknowledged its importance is now in the limelight due to the modernization and improvement of the dwelling. People began thinking the bedroom should be more functional and comfortable and pursuing refinement of the furniture as well as the bed in the bedroom. Even word “aesthetics of the bedroom” was born and people began emphasizing its atmosphere.

 

添削

 

"Modernization of the Bedrooms1"

 

A bedroom which that has been neglected of2 was not acknowledged its importance for a long time is now in the limelight due to the modernization and improvement of the dwellings. People began start3 thinking that the bedroom should be more functional and comfortable and pursuing the refinement of the furniture as well as the beds in the bedroom. Even a phrase wordbedroom aesthetics4 of the bedroomwas is now used to emphasize born and people began emphasizing its the atmosphere of a bedroom.

 

コメント

 

1.       寝室一般を指すのでa bedroom, bedroomsとしますが、ここでは、いろいろな寝室、ということで複数形がよいでしょう。

 

2.       現在完了進行形で「ずっと〜だった」とするとよいでしょう。has not been acknowledgedhas been neglectedとして意味を強調しました。

 

3.       「〜を重んずるようになった。」と過去形のような表現ですが、ここでは「現在は〜だ。」ということを強調して現在形がよいでしょう。

 

4.       新しい造語なのでbedroom aestheticsと名詞を並べて書くと、このことがわかってよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Modernization of Bedrooms"

 

A bedroom that has been neglected of its importance for a long time is now in the limelight due to the modernization and improvement of dwellings. People start thinking that the bedroom should be more functional and comfortable and pursuing the refinement of  furniture as well as beds in the bedroom. Even a phrase “bedroom aesthetics” is now used to emphasize the atmosphere of a bedroom.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(rikarika, 16 November 05

 

Thanks to modernization and rationalization in housing, neglected bedroom has been treated as an important room. And people have considered that the bedroom should be an efficient and comfortable space. By elaborating furniture and bedclothes in the room, even a new phrase, ‘’Bedroom Aesthetics’’ has come to be used. Making swanky bedroom has become important.

 

添削

 

Bedroom Aesthetics

 

Thanks to modernization and rationalization in housing1, a previously neglected bedroom has been is now2 treated as an important room in the house. And people have considered that the bedroom should be an efficient and comfortable space. By elaborating furniture and bedclothes in the bed room, even a new phrase, ‘’Bedroom Aesthetics’’ has come to be used. Making a swanky bedroom has become important fashionable3.

 

コメント

 

1.       Thanks to ~という表現を上手に使っていますね。

 

2.       日本文は「〜するようになった。」と現在完了形が適当なような表現になっていますが、この事象は現在も続いているようなので、現在形でよいでしょう。

 

3.       すこし内容を補足してfashionableにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Bedroom Aesthetics

 

Thanks to modernization and rationalization in housing, a previously neglected bedroom is now treated as an important room in the house. And people consider that the bedroom should be an efficient and comfortable space. By elaborating furniture and bedclothes in the bed room, even a new phrase, ‘’Bedroom Aesthetics’’ has come to be used. Making a swanky bedroom has become fashionable.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1 (ロン、12 Jan 03

 

“Modernizing Bedrooms”

 

As we modernize and rationalize housing, we pay more and more attention to bedrooms. We want to make them more functional and comfortable than before. We select beds and furniture carefully. Now We talk about the aesthetics of bedrooms and regard the atmosphere of bedrooms important.

 

添削

 

“Modernizing Bedrooms”

 

As we modernize and rationalize housing and make it more efficient1, we pay more and more attention to the bedrooms. We want to make them it more functional and comfortable than before. We now select beds and furniture carefully. Now We also talk about the aesthetics of bedrooms and regard the atmosphere of the bedrooms as important.

 

コメント

 

日本文は一つの長い文なので、先ずはどのように小文に分解するかが問題です。ロンさんは次のように分解しています。

 

「私達が住居を近代化、合理化するにしたがって、寝室に徐々に注意を向けるようになった。」

「私達は寝室を前よりも機能的で、快適にしたいとおもう。」

「今や、私達はベッドや寝具を注意深く選んでいる。」

「今や、私達は寝室の美学を話題にし、寝室の雰囲気を大切に考えている。」

 

1.       住居を合理化する、はwe rationalize housingではなくてwe make housing more efficientが良いと思います。We rationalize Bの形ではHe tried to rationalize his action by convincing himself that he was really acting for the benefit of the company(彼は自分の行動を、じつは会社の利益のためにしているのだと自分を納得させることで、正当化しようとした。)のように「合理化」ではなくて「正当化」の意味になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Modernizing Bedrooms”

 

As we modernize housing and make it more efficient, we pay more and more attention to the bedroom. We want to make it more functional and comfortable than before. We now select beds and furniture carefully. We also talk about the aesthetics of bedrooms and regard the atmosphere of the bedroom as important.

 

 

練習問題 17「牛肉を食べる」

 

日本人の食生活の歴史の中で、その一時期を画するのは文明開化の時代であり、そのもっとも大きな変化は、牛肉が公然と食用に供されるようになったことである。文明開化以前には西日本ではイノシシ、東日本ではシカ、クマなどの野獣を食用とすることはあったが、家畜は公然と食べることはなかった。

 

読者からの投稿 9(Lucca, 26 Sept 11

 

Japanese People Start Eating Beef from the Meiji Era

 

Cultural enlightenment in the Meiji Era brought a big change to eating habits of Japan in the history. The biggest change was that Japanese people started eating beef openly.  Before the cultural enlightenment, we never ate farm animals openly, but some people ate wild boars in western Japan, and deer and bears in eastern Japan.

 

添削

 

Japanese People Start Eating Beef from in the Meiji Era

 

Cultural enlightenment in the Meiji Era brought a big changes1 to eating habits of the Japanese in the history. The biggest change was that the Japanese people started eating beef openly.  Before the cultural enlightenment, they2 we never ate farm animals openly, but although some people ate wild boars in western Japan, and deer and bears in eastern Japan.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       次の文にthe biggest changeとあるので、ここではそれぞれの変化を数えて、changesと複数形がよいでしょう。

 

2.       歴史的な事実を客観的に記述しているのでtheyがよいでしょう(著者も日本人のようなのでweの一員ですが、ここでは特にweとして「自分もその一員である」ことを強調する必要はありません。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japanese People Start Eating Beef in the Meiji Era

 

Cultural enlightenment in the Meiji Era brought big changes to eating habits of the Japanese. The biggest change was that the Japanese started eating beef openly. Before the cultural enlightenment, they never ate farm animals openly, although some people ate wild boars in western Japan and deer and bears in eastern Japan.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 8 August 11

 

"Eating Beef" 

 

The period of cultural enlightenment of the Meiji Era is epoch-making in the history of the Japanese diet. The greatest change was that the people started to eat beef openly. Before the Meiji Era, people did not openly eat domestic animals although, once in a while, a few of them ate wild animals like hogs in western Japan, and deer or bears in eastern Japan.

 

添削

 

"Eating Beef Started in the Meiji Era" 

 

The period of cultural enlightenment of the Meiji Era is was also a period of epoch-making in the history of the Japanese diet. The greatest change was that the people started to eat beef openly. Before the Meiji Era, people did not openly eat domestic animals although, once in a while, a few of them ate wild animals like hogs in western Japan, and deer or bears in eastern Japan.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Eating Beef Started in the Meiji Era" 

 

The period of cultural enlightenment of the Meiji Era was also a period of epoch-making in the history of the Japanese diet. The greatest change was that the people started to eat beef openly. Before the Meiji Era, people did not openly eat domestic animals although, once in a while, a few of them ate wild animals like hogs in western Japan, and deer or bears in eastern Japan.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(Kalo, 30 November 09

 

"Japanese People Started Eating Beef”

 

Japanese eating habits underwent a major change during the early Meiji era when their society became westernized. One of the biggest changes was that Japanese people started eating beef openly. Before the Meiji era, they sometimes ate wild animals such as boars in western Japan and deer and bears in eastern Japan but openly didn’t eat domestic animals at all.

 

添削

 

"Japanese People Started Eating Beef Just One Hundred Years Ago1

 

The Japanese eating habits of the Japanese people underwent a major change during the early Meiji era when their society became westernized. One of the biggest changes was that the Japanese people started eating beef openly. Before the Meiji era, they sometimes ate wild animals such as boars in the western part Japan and deer and bears in the eastern of Japan but openly didn’t openly eat domestic animals at all2.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       このような補足を入れないと題名の内容がはっきりしません。

 

2.       at alldid not eatを修飾しているようにも誤解されます。隠れて牛肉を食べていたことはあったのでしょうから。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Japanese People Started Eating Beef Just One Hundred Years Ago”

 

The eating habits of the Japanese people underwent a major change during the early Meiji era when their society became westernized. One of the biggest changes was that the Japanese people started eating beef openly. Before the Meiji era, they sometimes ate wild animals such as boars in the western part Japan and deer and bears in the eastern of Japan but didn’t openly eat domestic animals.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(かい、31 July 08

 

The habit of eating beef

 

The cultural enlightenment caused an big change in Japanese history of dietary habit. The big change was that Japanese come to eat beef openly. Before the cultural enlightenment, Japanese had eaten such meats of animals as wild boar in western part and deers and bear in eastern part, yet, Japanese had not eaten the meat of barn animal.

 

添削

 

The habit of eating beef

 

The period of cultural enlightenment caused an big change in the Japanese history of dietary habits. The big change was that the Japanese people1 started2 come to eating beef openly. Before the period of cultural enlightenment, the Japanese people had eaten wild such meats of animals such as wild boars in western Japan part and deers and bears in eastern part Japan, but yet, they Japanese had not eaten the meat of barn domestic animals such as cattle.

 

コメント

 

1.       「日本人」the Japanese peopleの省略形としてJapaneseということもありますがが、先ずは正式表現を使うとよいでしょう。

 

2.       明治時代に始まった、ということを強調してstarted eatingが簡潔な表現でしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

 

The period of cultural enlightenment caused a big change in the Japanese history of dietary habits. The big change was that the Japanese people started eating beef openly. Before the period of cultural enlightenment, the Japanese people had eaten wild animals such as wild boars in western Japan and deer and bears in eastern Japan, but they had not eaten  domestic animals such as cattle.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(P&C, 12 July 08

 

"Eating Beef"

 

The time of modernization in Meiji era made an epoch in history of eating habit of Japanese. The most symbolic change was the start of open supply of beef. Before Meiji era, Japanese sometimes had eaten wild animals, for example wild boar in the west of Japan or deer and beer in the east. But Japanese had never eaten domestic animals openly.

 

添削

 

"Japanese Start Eating Beef"

 

The time of modernization in the Meiji era made an epoch in the history of eating habits of the Japanese people. The most remarkable symbolic1 change was the beginning start of an open supply of beef in the market2. Before the Meiji era, the Japanese people occasionally ate sometimes had eaten wild animals, for example, wild boars in the western of Japan and or deer and beer bears in the eastern Japan. But the Japanese people had never eaten domestic animals openly.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       symbolic象徴的とすると、何の象徴なのか説明する必要がでてくるので、remarkableにしました。

 

2.       「牛肉が公然と食用に供される」an open supply of beef in the marketはよく考えた表現ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Japanese Start Eating Beef"

 

The time of modernization in the Meiji era made an epoch in the history of eating habits of the Japanese people. The most remarkable change was the beginning of an open supply of beef in the market. Before the Meiji era, the Japanese people occasionally ate wild animals, for example, wild boars in western Japan and deer and bears in eastern Japan. But the Japanese people had never eaten domestic animals openly.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(あすか、19 June 07

 

Started To Eat Beef

 

Westernization of Japanese culture started at the beginning of the Meiji era throughout the Japanese food history. The most significant change was that the Japanese people started to eat beef openly. Before then, people had eaten bores in western Japan, deer and bears in eastern Japan. But they had never eaten domestic animals openly.

 

添削

 

Started To Eat Beef

 

Westernization of Japanese culture started at the beginning of the Meiji era and marked important changes in the eating habits1 of throughout the Japanese people food history. The most significant change was that the Japanese people started to eat beef openly. Before then, people had occasionally eaten ate2 bores in western Japan, and deer and bears in eastern Japan. But they had never openly eaten ate domestic animals openly.

コメント

 

1.       throughout the Japanese food historyの前で文の内容が完了しているので、この句が続きません。添削のように食生活の変化については新しい節で説明するとよいでしょう。

 

2.       Before thenとありますが、過去の習慣として食べていた、ateがよいでしょう。その前までに食べたことがある、とする必要は無いようにおもいます。アルバータでは狩猟のシーズンにシカ、ヘラジカを狩に行く人がいて、時々シカやヘラジカのソーセージを友達からもらいます。撃ったシカやヘラジカの肉をソーセージにしてくれる肉屋があります。食習慣というのは不思議なもので、ブタ、牛、トリ肉は楽しんで食べるくせにシカ肉となると野生のシカの姿を思い浮かべて少し躊躇します。

 

添削後の文章

 

Started To Eat Beef

 

Westernization of Japanese culture started at the beginning of the Meiji era and marked important changes in the eating habits of the Japanese people. The most significant change was that the Japanese people started to eat beef openly. Before then, people occasionally ate bores in western Japan, and deer and bears in eastern Japan. But they never openly ate domestic animals.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(さくら、14 November 06

 

"Start Eating Beef"

 

The turning point of Japanese people’s eating habit came at the beginning of the Meiji era when civilization and enlightenment of Japanese culture started. The largest change in our eating habit is that we begin eating beef in public. Before that time, we ate wild animals  in public such as wild bores in the western Japan and deer and bears in the eastern Japan, but not domestic animals.

 

添削

 

"Start Eating Beef"

 

The turning point of Japanese people’s eating habit came at the beginning of the Meiji era when civilization and enlightenment westernization1 of Japanese culture started. The largest change in our the Japanese eating habit is was that we the Japanese2 begin begun eating beef openly3 in public. Before that this time, we the Japanese ate wild animals  in public such as wild bores in the western Japan and deer and bears in the eastern Japan, but did not eat domestic animals.

 

コメント

 

1.       「文明開化期」を”the era of civilization of enrichment”と引用句で括って、特別な意味を持つことを強調できますが、さくらさんのように具体的にat the beginning of the Meiji eraとするとわかりやすいですね。「文明開化」の中身を何にするかは議論の多いところでしょうが、ここではwesternization of Japanese cultureとしました。

 

2.       Japanese people’s eating habitが既出ですし、日本の食習慣を第三者の目から記述する、ということでweではなくてthe Japanese (people)がよいでしょう。

 

3.       食堂なので牛肉を食べればeat beef in publicですが、ここでは「(隠れてこそこそ食べるのではなく)人目をはばからずに」という意味でopenlyがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Start Eating Beef"

 

The turning point of Japanese people’s eating habit came at the beginning of the Meiji era when westernization of Japanese culture started. The largest change in the Japanese eating habit was that the Japanese begun eating beef openly. Before this time, the Japanese ate wild animals such as wild bores in the western Japan and deer and bears in the eastern Japan but did not eat domestic animals.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(rikarika, 17 November 05

 

Eating Beef

 

I think the enlightened days were the epoch-making days in the history of Japanese diet. In particular, the event which beef became openly used for human consumption was the biggest changing point. Before the enlightened days, wild animals such as boar in western Japan or deer and bear in eastern Japan were sometimes used for food. But live stock was not openly eaten in Japan.

 

添削

 

Eating Beef

 

I think the enlightened days were Era of Civilization and Enlightenment in the Meiji period1 was a major turning point the epoch-making days in the history of Japanese diet. In particular, the event which that beef became openly used for human consumption was the biggest changeing point. Before the enlightened days era, wild animals such as boars in western Japan or deer and bears in eastern Japan were sometimes used for food. But live stock was were2 not openly eaten in Japan.

 

コメント

 

「文明開化」は明治時代初期を指す固有名詞なのでthe Era of Civilization and Enlightenment in the Meiji periodとするとわかりやすくなります。

 

live stockは家畜の群れという複合名詞なので、動詞は複数形にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Eating Beef

 

I think the Era of Civilization and Enlightenment in the Meiji period was a major turning point in the history of Japanese diet. In particular, the event that beef became openly used for human consumption was the biggest change. Before the era, wild animals such as boars in western Japan or deer and bears in eastern Japan were sometimes used for food. But live stock were not openly eaten in Japan.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(ジュン、12 Jan 03

 

“Eating Beef”

 

The period of civilization and enlightenment marked important changes in the eating habit of the Japanese people. The most significant change was that the Japanese people started eating beef openly. Before the period of civilization and enlightenment, people occasionally ate boars in western Japan and deer and bears in eastern Japan. But the Japanese people never ate domestic animals openly.

 

添削

 

“Eating Beef”

 

The period of civilization and enlightenment marked important changes in the eating habits of the Japanese people1. The most significant change was that the Japanese people started eating to eat2 beef openly. Before the period of civilization and enlightenment, people occasionally ate boars in western Japan and deer and bears in eastern Japan. But the Japanese people never openly ate domestic animals openly.

 

コメント

 

1.       「日本人の食生活の歴史の中で、その一時期を画するのは文明開化の時代である」は次のように表現できます。

 

The eating habits of the Japanese people made significant changes during the period of civilization and enlightenment.

 

It was during the period of civilization and enlightenment that the eating habits of the Japanese people made significant changes.

 

The period of civilization and enlightenment marked important changes in the eating habits of the Japanese people.

 

三つの文の下に行くに従って、文明開化が強調されます。ジュンさんは(3)の形で文明開化を強調しています。

 

2.       Started eating beef, started to eat beefも共に「牛肉を食べ始めた」ですが、前者は目の前にある牛肉を食べ始めた、という感じなのにたいし、後者は牛肉を食べることを始めた、という感じになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Eating Beef”

 

The period of civilization and enlightenment marked important changes in the eating habits of the Japanese people. The most significant change was that the Japanese people started to eat beef openly. Before the period of civilization and enlightenment, people occasionally ate boars in western Japan and deer and bears in eastern Japan. But the Japanese people never openly ate domestic animals.

 

 

練習問題 18 「通勤電車のエアコン」

 

都心に通うサラリーマンは、毎日の通勤電車でイライラがたまる一方です。とくにエアコンの問題はひどく、車掌がサラリーマンを裏でいじめているとしか思えません。満員電車は体温以上の温度となります。夏季は外気が25、6度だとクーラーをいれず、冬期はコートを着ているにもかかわらず暖房が入り皆さん汗だくです。このような状態が続く環境では良い仕事、モラルも低下してもおかしくありませんね。

 

読者からの投稿 8(Lucca, 26 September 11

 

The problems of Air Conditioners in Commuter Trains

 

Businessmen going to the center of Tokyo get frustrated by the absurd use of air conditioners on commuter train every day. I feel that train conductors are trying to bully commuters on the train. All of the commuters are really sweaty on the train. The temperature on crowded trains becomes higher than the body temperature. Nevertheless, in summer season, air conditioners aren't turned on when the outside temperature is less than 25 or 26 degrees Celsius. In winter season, air conditioners keep working regardless of commuters wearing a coat. After getting off such trains, businessmen may lost the quality and quantity of their work and their motivations.

 

添削

 

The problems of Air Conditioners in on the Commuter Trains1

 

Businessmen going commuting to the center of Tokyo by train get frustrated every day by the absurd use of air conditioners on the commuter train every day. I suspect feel that train conductors are trying to bully commuters on the train for their sadistic satisfaction. All of the commuters are really sweatying on the train. when Tthe temperature on the crowded train  becomes higher than the body temperature. Nevertheless, in the summer season, air conditioners aren't turned on when the outside temperature is less than 25 or 26 degrees Celsius. In the winter season, air conditioners keep working even though regardless of commuters are wearing a heavy coat. After getting off such trains, businessmen may lost have already lost energies and motivations to do the high quality and quantity of their work in their offices and their motivations.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。添削は日本文を参照せずに、英文だけを読んで読みやすいようにしてみました。

 

1.       On the commuter train で通勤電車一般の意味になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The problems of Air Conditioners on the Commuter Train

 

Businessmen commuting to the center of Tokyo by train get frustrated every day by the absurd use of air conditioners on the train. I suspect that train conductors are trying to bully commuters on the train for their sadistic satisfaction. All commuters are really sweating when the temperature on the crowded train becomes higher than the body temperature. Nevertheless, in the summer season, air conditioners aren't turned on when the outside temperature is less than 25 or 26 degrees Celsius. In the winter season, air conditioners keep working even though commuters are wearing a heavy coat. After getting off such trains, businessmen may have already lost energies and motivations to do high quality work in their offices .

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 11 August 11

 

“Air conditioning on the commuter train” 

 

Office workers commuting to the city center are constantly building up stress inside them due to crowded commuter trains. Specifically, air conditioning is so terrible that I can't understand it other than the conductor try to deliberately tease them, office workers. The temperature in a crowded train often goes up as high as or higher than the body temperature. In summer, the air conditioner is not turned on until outdoor air temperatures rise to 27 degrees Celsius and in winter, the heater is turned on in an automatic manner without regard to actual condition on the train making commuters in overcoat get soaked with sweat. I wonder how office workers can keep themselves motivated to work after experiencing this kind of horrendous commutes every day.

 

添削

 

“Air conditioning on the commuter train” 

 

Every day1, Ooffice workers commuting to the city center feel are constantly building up stressed inside them2 due to on crowded commuter trains. Specifically, air conditioning is so terrible that I am forced to believe that can't understand it other than the conductor is trying to deliberately torture3 us on the train tease them, office workers. The temperature in a crowded train often goes up as high as or higher than the body temperature. In summer, the air conditioner is not turned on until the outdoor air temperatures rises to 27 degrees Celsius and in winter, the heater is turned on in an automatic manner without any regard to the actual condition on the train, making commuters in overcoat get soaked with sweat. I wonder how office workers can keep themselves motivated to work in the office after experiencing this kind of horrendous commutes every day.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       constantly の代わりにしました。

 

2.       簡単な表現のほうがよいでしょう。

 

3.       乗車客から見ればこのとおりでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Air conditioning on the commuter train” 

 

Every day, office workers commuting to the city center feel stressed on crowded commuter trains. Specifically, air conditioning is so terrible that I am forced to believe that the conductor is trying to deliberately torture us on the train. The temperature in a crowded train often goes up as high as or higher than the body temperature. In summer, the air conditioner is not turned on until the outdoor air temperatures rises to 27 degrees Celsius and in winter, the heater is turned on in an automatic manner without any regard to the actual condition on the train, making commuters in overcoat get soaked with sweat. I wonder how office workers can keep themselves motivated to work in the office after experiencing this kind of horrendous commutes every day.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(Kalo, 4 December 09

 

"Air Conditioner on a Commuter Train”

 

A lot of workers commuting to the center of Tokyo feel stressed on a train during rush hours. In particular, the temperature on the train is so terrible that I can’t help thinking that the conductor is torturing passengers.

 

When a train is packed with passengers, its temperature becomes higher than body temperature. But in summer, it is not until the temperature outside the train reaches 27 that the conductor turn on the air conditioner. On the other hand, in winter, passengers wearing a coat on a packed train get soaked in sweat because the conductor turns on air heating without any reason.      

 

添削

 

"Air Conditioner on a Commuter Train”

 

A lot of workers commuting to the center of Tokyo feel stressed on a the1 commuter train during rush hours. In particular, the temperature on the train is so terrible that I can’t help thinking that the conductor is intentionally torturing passengers.

 

When a the train is packed with passengers, its the temperature inside the train becomes higher than the body temperature. But in summer, it is not until the temperature outside the train reaches 27, that the conductor does not turn on the air conditioner. On the other hand, in winter, passengers wearing a coat on a the packed train get soaked in sweat because the conductor turns on air heating without giving any thought to the condition in the train any reason.      

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       書き手と読み手が共通の認識をもつような日常のモノは文章に初出でも定冠詞を着けることが多いです。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Air Conditioner on a Commuter Train”

 

A lot of workers commuting to the center of Tokyo feel stressed on the commuter train during rush hours. In particular, the temperature on the train is so terrible that I can’t help thinking that the conductor is intentionally torturing passengers.

 

When the train is packed with passengers, the temperature inside the train becomes higher than the body temperature. But in summer, until the temperature outside the train reaches 27C, the conductor does not turn on the air conditioner. On the other hand, in winter, passengers wearing a coat on the packed train get soaked in sweat because the conductor turns on heating without giving any thought to the condition in the train .      

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(かい、1 Aug 08

 

The air conditioner on the commute train

 

Many office workers who commute to work to urban center by train are always irritated by the environment of it. There is very serious problem about the air conditioner of the train. Whenever I think the problem, I cannot help wondering if a conductor force passengers to endure the environment of the train. When train is full of passengers, the temperature on the train is above their body temperature level. In case that temperature is 25 or 26 degrees Celsius, a conductor don't turn on the air conditioner. Though passengers wear a coat in winter, they feel sweaty because of turning on the heater. I think it natural that this environment makes it impossible for workers to do their work well and causes them to degenerate moral.

 

添削

 

The Aair conditionering1 on the commuter train

 

Many office workers who commute to work to the urban center by train are always irritated by the environment on the train of it. Air conditioning There is a very serious problem about the air conditioner of the train. Whenever I think the problem, I cannot help wondering if a conductor of the train enjoys torturing the passengers by intentionally creating a terrible force passengers to endure the environment on of the train2. When the train is full of passengers, the temperature on the train is goes up above their body temperature level. Yet In case that temperature is 25 or 26 degrees Celsius, a the conductor doesn’t don't turn on the air conditioner unless the air temperature outside the train is above 25 or 26 degrees Celsius. On the other hand, the conductor turns on the heater in winter3 when the Though passengers are wearing a coat. Now the passengers are in winter, they feel sweatying on the train because of turning on the heater. Riding such a commuter train everyday, I think it natural for the passengers to degenerate their morals to do good work at their offices that this environment makes it impossible for workers to do their work well and causes them to degenerate moral.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。添削は文の順序を変えて読みやすくしました。

 

1.       air conditioningエアコンを使用すること、とするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       どのような環境にするか説明を加ええる次の文との関連がよくなります。

 

3.       前の文でdoesn’t turn on the air conditionerとあるので、これを受けてturns on the heaterを文の前半に置くとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Air conditioning on the commuter train

 

Many office workers who commute to the urban center by train are always irritated by the environment on the train. Air conditioning is a very serious problem. I cannot help wondering if a conductor of the train enjoys torturing the passengers by intentionally creating a terrible  environment on the train. When the train is full of passengers, the temperature on the train  goes up above the body temperature. Yet, the conductor doesn’t turn on the air conditioner unless the air temperature outside the train is above 25 or 26 degrees Celsius. On the other hand, the conductor turns on the heater in winter when the passengers are wearing a coat. Now the passengers are sweating on the train. Riding such a commuter train everyday, I think it natural for the passengers to degenerate their morals to do good work at their offices .

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(あすか、23 June 07

 

"Air Conditioner in the Commuter Train"

 

Commuters heading to downtown Tokyo grow impatient every day on a commuter train. Especially, the biggest problem is air conditioning; the train driver seems to enjoy torturing commuters because the temperature of overcrowding on trains gets higher than their temperature. During summer, even the temperature outside train is 25 or 26  degrees Celsius, train drivers never turn on the AC. During winter, although they are wearing a coat, they are sweating because of heaters. It is no wonder why their morale or working ability gets low by the time they reach their offices on these commuter trains.

 

添削

 

"Air Conditionering in on the Commuter Train"

 

Commuters heading to for downtown Tokyo grow get impatient every day on a the1 commuter train. Especially2, tThe biggest problem is air conditioning; the train driver conductor seems to enjoy torturing commuters. because tThe temperature of inside the overcrowdinged  on trains gets higher than body their temperature. During the summer, even the temperature outside the train is 25 or 26 degrees Celsius, the conductor train drivers never turns on the Ac air conditioner. During the winter, although they commuters are wearing a coat and feel warm enough on the train., Now the conductor turns the heater on and commuters they are sweating because of heaters3. It is no wonder why their morale or working ability gets low by the time they reach their offices after riding on these commuter trains.

 

コメント

 

1.       いつもの列車、と文章に初出でも読者わかる対象なので定冠詞を付けます。

 

2.       the biggest problemとあるので、especiallyは余計になります。

 

3.       ここでも車掌のすることを書き添えると、前の内容との対比でわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Air Conditioning on the Commuter Train"

 

Commuters heading for downtown Tokyo get impatient every day on the commuter train. The biggest problem is air conditioning; the train conductor seems to enjoy torturing commuters. The temperature inside the overcrowded train gets higher than body  temperature. During the summer, even the temperature outside the train is 25 or 26 degrees Celsius, the conductor never turns on the air conditioner. During the winter, commuters are wearing a coat and feel warm enough on the train. Now the conductor turns the heater on and commuters are sweating. It is no wonder why their morale or working ability gets low by the time they reach their office after riding on these commuter trains.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(さくら、16 November 06

 

"Air Conditioner in the Commuter Train"

 

The businessmen are just going to be frustrated every day on a commuter train that goes to the center of the Tokyo. Passengers are as if teased by a train conductor because he temperature of the inside of the fully packed train reaches higher than human body temperature. When the temperature of the outside is around 25 or 26 in the summer, the train conductor usually does not turn on the air conditioner. In winter, he turns on the heater even though the passengers wear overcoat and they are sweaty. It is no wonder that businessmen can not do good job and work ethics are declining after they experience that severe condition before start working.

 

添削

 

"Air Conditioner in the Commuter Train"

 

The businessmen Commuters1 are just going to be frustrated2 every day on a commuter train that goes to the center of the Tokyo. Passengers They feel are as if they were teased by a train conductor because he the temperature of the inside of the a fully packed train reaches higher than the human body temperature of human body. When the temperature of the outside the train is around 25 or 26 in the summer, the train conductor usually does not turn on the air conditioner. In winter, on the other hand, he turns on the heater even though the passengers are wearing an overcoat and they are sweatying3. It is no wonder that why4 businessmen commuters can not do a good job when they arrive at their office and work ethics are declinesing5 after they experience such that severe conditions on the commuter train before start working.

 

コメント

 

1.       「都心に通うサラリーマン」のサラリーマンは日本語なので英語で表現するのが難しいですね。内容だけの説明なら、people on salaryとなりますが、ここでは毎日仕事に通う人、commutersとしました。

 

2.       「イライラがたまる一方です」は正確には、毎日イライラがたまっていく、でしょうが、これは日本語表現のアヤなので、単にcommuters are frustrated every dayでよいでしょう。

 

3.       現在、進行中の状況を強調するために、passengers are wearing an overcoat and (are) sweatingとするとよいでしょう。

 

4.       it is no wonder why ~という形で使います。

 

5.       work ethics is decliningとすると、毎日、日を追うごとにモラルが低下していく、ということになります。work ethics declines ~ 満員電車の乗って会社に着いたときは、家を出るときのやる気はそがれてしまう、というのが適当でしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Air Conditioner in the Commuter Train"

 

Commuters are frustrated every day on a commuter train to the center of Tokyo. They feel as if they were teased by a train conductor because the temperature inside a fully packed train reaches higher than the temperature of human body. When the temperature outside the train is around 25 or 26 in summer, the train conductor usually does not turn on the air conditioner. In winter, on the other hand, he turns on the heater even though passengers are wearing an overcoat and sweating. It is no wonder why commuters can not do a good job when they arrive at their office and work ethics declines after they experience such  severe conditions on the commuter train.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(rikarika, 18 November 05

 

Air Conditioner in Commuter Train

 

The businessmen who commute to the city get more and more frustration in their daily commuter train. In particular, the problem of the air condition is terrible. I can not stop thinking that the conductors bully businessmen in backroom. The temperature in the trains exceeds that of the body. In the summer season, refrigerated air conditioners are not turned on if the temperature is 25 or 26 degree Celsius. And in the winter season, though the businessmen wear coat, heaters are turned on and make them sweat a lot. If this kind of condition goes on, good job and moral can be down can’t you. 

 

添削

 

Air Conditionering in on the Commuter Train

 

The bBusinessmen1 who commute to offices in downtown Tokyo2 the city get more and more frustrationed in on their daily commuter train. In particular, the problem of the air conditioning is terrible. I can not stop thinking that the conductors enjoy torturing3 bully businessmen in backroom. The temperature in on the packed trains exceeds that of the body. But4 Iin the summer season, refrigerated air conditioners are not turned on if the temperature is 25 or 26 degrees Celsius. And in the winter season, though the businessmen are wearing a coat, heaters are turned on and make them sweat a lot. If this kind of condition on the commuter train goes on, you cannot do good job work in your office and keep your morale5 high, can you can be down can’t you?6. 

 

コメント

 

1.       ビジネスマン一般を指すので、複数形冠詞無し、がよいでしょう。

 

2.       「都心で」は「東京都の中心部で」を漠然と指す言葉なので、in the center of Tokyoとしてもよいですが、英語にも漠然としたin downtown Tokyoという表現があります。

 

3.       「車掌がサラリーマンを裏でいじめている。」はconductors bully people around on the trainとすると、実際に物理的に小突き回す、という感じになります。「裏で」は「わざと」intentionally のことでしょう。どうせなら、すこし大げさにtortureはどうでしょうか。enjoy torturing people on the trainで前の文からの続きで「苦しめるのを楽しんでいる」という感じになります。

 

4.       前の文との続きをよくするためにbutを入れます。

 

5.       moral (道徳)とmorale(やる気、勤労意欲)は混同しやすいですね。moralは「モラル」、moraleは「モラール」と日本語で表記すればよいのですが、どちらも 「モラル」ですね。この例題ではmoraleのほうでしょう。実際にはmoralのほうも低下するでしょうね。

 

6.       文の最後にcan you? can’t you?をつけたのが良いですね。添削のように、文の中にcannotを入れるとcan you?になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Air Conditioning on the Commuter Train

 

Businessmen who commute to offices in downtown Tokyo get more and more frustrated  on their daily commuter train. In particular, the problem of air conditioning is terrible. I can not stop thinking that the conductors enjoy torturing businessmen. The temperature on the packed train exceeds that of the body. But in the summer, air conditioners are not turned on if the temperature is 25 or 26 degrees Celsius. And in the winter, though businessmen are wearing a coat, heaters are turned on and make them sweat a lot. If this kind of condition on the commuter train goes on, you cannot do good work in your office and keep your morale high, can you ?. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(うえだ、21 Jan 03

 

“Air Conditioning on the Commuter Trains”

 

People commuting to downtown offices get frustrated by the trains they ride every day. Air conditioning is the worst cause of their frustration. The temperature on the train gets hotter than the body temperature when the train is packed with people. The train conductor does not switch on air conditioning even when the air temperature outside the train gets hotter than 25 or 26 degrees Celsius. Then in winter, he keeps air conditioning on when passengers are all wearing winter coats.

 

添削

 

“Air Conditioning on the Commuter Trains”

 

People commuting to their downtown offices downtown get frustrated by the trains they ride on every day1. Air conditioning is the worst cause of their this frustration. The temperature on the train gets hotter than the body temperature when the train is packed with people. The train conductor does not switch on the air conditioning even when the air temperature outside the train gets is hotter than 25 or 26 degrees Celsius. Then in the winter2, he keeps the air conditioning on when passengers are all wearing winter coats3.

 

コメント

 

1.       日本文はごく普通の感想文ですが、もとの日本文にそって英語で内容を表現しようとすると大変難しく見えます。文の基本は「主語+動詞+目的語」という英文の観点からこの日本文を眺めると、日本文には特有の文の簡略法があることに気づきます。「都心に通うサラリーマンは、毎日の通勤電車でイライラがたまる一方です。」は「主語+動詞+目的語」の形で表現すれば「(毎日乗る)電車が(都心のオフィスに通う)サラリーマンをイライラさせる。」か、この形式を受動態にして、「(都心のオフィスに通う)サラリーマンは(毎日乗る)電車にイライラさせられる。」となります。英文では単に「電車」ではなくて、(毎日彼らが乗る)電車と説明的になります。

 

「とくにエアコンの問題はひどく〜」でも英語では「エアコンが(このイライラの)最悪の原因である。」と(このイライラの)という説明句が必要です。日本語で省略された部分を英文の「主語+動詞+目的語(または補語)」の形式の中で補足する必要があります。うえださんは日本文の要点を英文で再構築して表現しています。

 

2.       ある事柄が毎年あるシーズン(この例では冬)に起きるときには、in winterまたは in the winterを使います。どちらにするかはいろいろと議論があり、in winterは一年をwintersummerの大別したときに使い(私の住むカナダのエドモントンには確かに二つの季節しかありません)、in the winterは一年を四つの季節に分けたときに使う、という説があります。私の作った英文データベースで調べてみましたが、はっきりしませんでした。ここでは、in the winterの方が文の中でリズムが良いのでこれにしました。

 

3.       「このような状態が続く環境では良い仕事、モラルも低下してもおかしくありませんね。」はおまけの文なのでうえださんは英語で表現することを省略しました。もし、表現すれば、It is no wonder why their morale gets low by the time they reach their offices.のようになるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Air Conditioning on Commuter Trains”

 

People commuting to their offices downtown get frustrated by the trains they ride on every day. Air conditioning is the worst cause of this frustration. The temperature on the train gets hotter than body temperature when the train is packed with people. The train conductor does not switch on the air conditioning even when the air temperature outside the train is hotter than 25 or 26 degrees Celsius. Then in the winter, he keeps the air conditioning on when passengers are all wearing winter coats.

 

 

練習問題 19 「海外旅行の同行」

 

これから先、何十年たっても、きっとこのままなんだろうなあ。旅行業界で働き出してはや十数年。バブルのころならいざしらず、今の日本の状況で、こんな無駄遣いがまだまかり通っているんだもの。先日来た、ある地方自治体主催の中学生対象短期留学グループ。教育長、課長、そして先生2人が同行して来ていたけど、はっきりいって同行者は、なんのために来ているのか?状態。

 

読者からの投稿 8(Lucca, 2 October 11

 

Accompanying Overseas Travels 

 

I am sure that Japanese identity and the situations will never change in the future. I have worked for a travel company for over ten years. Through my work, I realize that the situations that people are considering the wasting of money have still been allowed in the Japanese society of today after the economic bubble burst. The other day, I attended a group of junior high school students. Due to the group for a short study abroad program hosted by a local region, the students were accompanied by four people, two teachers and the region of a school superintendent and a section chief. Honestly, I couldn't understand what purpose they were traveling with the students.

 

添削

 

Accompanying Overseas Travels 

 

I am sure that Japanese identity and these situations1 will never change in the future. I have been workeding for a travel agency company for over ten years. Through my work, I realize that the situations that people will are considering the a wastinge of money are have still been allowed in the Japanese society of today after the economic bubble has burst. The other day, I attended a tour group of junior high school students. They Due to the group went for a short study abroad program hosted by a local region.  and the students were accompanied by four people, two teachers and the region of a school superintendent and a section chief. Honestly, I couldn't understand why what purpose they were traveling with the students.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       文章に初出ですがthese situationsとして「(これから私が説明するような)状況は」という意味にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Accompanying Overseas Travels 

 

I am sure that these situations will never change in the future. I have been working for a travel agency for over ten years. Through my work, I realize that the situations that people will consider a waste of money are still allowed in the Japanese society of today after the economic bubble has burst. The other day, I attended a tour group of junior high school students. They went for a short study abroad program hosted by a local region and were accompanied by four people, two teachers and a school superintendent and a section chief. Honestly, I couldn't understand why they were traveling with the students.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 14 August 11

 

“Accompanying students’ travel abroad”

 

It has been more than a dozen years since I started working in the travel industry. An event I recently experienced led me to think that long standing evil of wasting public money will die hard. Such wasteful use of money might have been let go unchecked in the era of the bubble economy, but it still goes unchallenged even in this economic plight. The other day, I took care of a group of junior high school students who were under a government sponsored oversea scholarship program. They were accompanied by a school superintendent, a manager and two teachers. I did not quite understand why on earth this gang of four had to be sent out along with the students at the public expense.

 

添削

 

“Accompanying students’ travel abroad”

 

It has been more than a dozen years since I started working in the travel industry. An event I recently experienced on my job1 led me to think that long standing evil bad habits of wasting public money will die hard. Such wasteful use of money might have been let go unchecked in the era of the bubble economy, but it still goes unchallenged even in this economic plight. The other day, I took care of a group of junior high school students who were under a government sponsored oversea scholarship program. They were accompanied by a school superintendent, a manager and two teachers. I did not quite understand why on earth this gang of four had to be sent out along with the students at the public expense.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。

 

1.       後半とのつながりがよくなるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Accompanying students’ travel abroad”

 

It has been more than a dozen years since I started working in the travel industry. An event I recently experienced on my job led me to think that long standing bad habits of wasting public money will die hard. Such wasteful use of money might have been let go unchecked in the era of the bubble economy, but it still goes unchallenged even in this economic plight. The other day, I took care of a group of junior high school students who were under a government sponsored oversea scholarship program. They were accompanied by a school superintendent, a manager and two teachers. I did not quite understand why on earth this gang of four had to be sent out along with the students at the public expense.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(Kalo, 4 December 09

 

"Unnecessary People Accompany Students Studying Abroad”

 

It is ten years or so since I started working for a travel agency. Looking back at the clients I have worked with, I suppose that a waste of money will never be stopped in the future.

 

People may close their eyes to a waste of money if it occurs in a booming economy. But even in this tough economy, there are still some people wasting a lot of money. In fact, the other day I, as a tour guide, went with a short-term exchange program organized by a local government. What surprised me was that I saw a chairperson of its educational board, a manager and two teachers accompanying their junior high-school students. Quite honestly, I couldn’t understand what such a lot of people came for with public expense.

 

添削

 

"Unnecessary People Accompany Overseas Study Tours of Students Studying Abroad

 

It is ten years or so since I started working for a travel agency. Looking back at the clients I have worked with, I suppose am afraid that a wasteing of public money on some types of tours will never be stopped in the future.

 

People may close their eyes to such a waste of money if it occurs in a booming economy. But even in this tough economy, there are still some people wasting a lot of money. For example In fact, the other day I, as a tour guide, accompanied went with  a group of junior high school students on a short-term exchange program organized by a local government. What surprised me was that I saw a chairperson and a manager of the local its educational board, a manager and two teachers were accompanying the group their junior high-school students. Quite honestly, I couldn’t understand why those four people managed to come with the group what such a lot of people came for with on public expenses.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかりますが、文章の始めのほうで「旅行のむだ遣い」ということが出てくるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Unnecessary People Accompany Overseas Study Tours of Students ”

 

It is ten years or so since I started working for a travel agency. Looking back at the clients I have worked with, I am afraid that wasting public money on some types of tours will never stop.

 

People may close their eyes to such a waste of money in a booming economy. But even in this tough economy, there are still some people wasting a lot of money. For example , the other day I, as a tour guide, accompanied a group of junior high school students on a short-term exchange program organized by a local government. What surprised me was that I saw a chairperson and a manager of the local education board and two teachers were accompanying the group. Quite honestly, I couldn’t understand why those four people managed to come with the group on public expenses.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(かい、2 Aug 08

 

The accompanying of an oversea travel

 

I think that the situation, where wasting is admitted, will not change over many decades from now on. I have already worked in the travel business for ten years or so. From the experience , I think it strange that setting aside the period of bubble economy, wasting is still admitted in present recession of Japan. The other day, short period education for junior high school students in foreign countries sponsored by a local government is accompanied by school superintendent, manager and two teachers. Judging from their role and the expenditure, I don't understand at all what they go to there for .

 

添削

 

The aAccompanying students on of an overseas travel1

 

I am afraid think that one of our bad habits2, the situation, where some types of wasting is socially admitted, will not change for over many decades to come from now on. I have been already workeding3 in the travel business for ten years or so and seen such wasting during the period of economic bubbles4. But From the experience, I think it strange that setting aside the period of bubble economy, such wasting is still admitted in the present economic recession of Japan. The other day, I took care of5 a short period overseas education trip for junior high school students in foreign countries that was sponsored by a local government. The students were is accompanied by a school superintendent, and his manager, and two teachers. Judging from what those chaperons were doing during the trip6, their role and the expenditure, I couldn’t don't understand at all what they accompanies the students go to there for .

 

コメント

 

文の細かなところの続きかたがわかりませんが、文章の概略はわかります。この日本文は曖昧なところが多いので、理屈の通った英文にするには想像で補うより仕方ありません。

 

1.       文章の何処に焦点をあてるかで見出しが変わってきます。文章の焦点は「日本人にはまだ無駄が多い」ということでしょうが、これでは一般的過ぎるので、私も「かい」さんと同様に学生の海外研修旅行の付き添いにします。

 

2.       こんな風にするとすこし具体的になります。

 

3.       I have already worked for ten years.とすると10年間も働いた、ということが強調されますが、このことは文章の内容と強く関連しているとはいえないので、I have been working for ten years. とずっとこの業界で働いているが、とするのがよいでしょう。

 

4.       経済バブルと無駄を結びつけるにはこんな風にしたらどうでしょうか。

 

5.       この記事を書いた人の仕事が具体的に書いてないのですが、「先日来た〜」とあるので旅行会社の現地添乗員のようにもおもえます。このように仮定して添削のようにすると話が具体的になります。

 

6.       これも(5)の続きで具体的にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Accompanying students on an overseas travel

 

I am afraid that one of our bad habits, some types of wasting is socially admitted, will not change for many decades to come. I have been working in the travel business for ten years or so and seen such wasting during the period of economic bubbles. But I think it strange that such wasting is still admitted in the present economic recession. The other day, I took care of a short period overseas education trip for junior high school students that was sponsored by a local government. The students were accompanied by a school superintendent and his manager, and two teachers. Judging from what those chaperons were doing during the trip, I couldn’t understand at all what they accompanies the students.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(あすか、25 June 07

 

"Chaperons of Student Group Tours"

 

I have been working for a travel agency for over 10 years. I don't think travel industries will be improved in the future. During the bubble economy in Japan, people used to waste their money on trifles. But even these days, I knew that people were same and it was accepted as a matter of course. The other day, I accompanied a group tour of overseas education program sponsored by a local government for middle school students.  A chairperson and a chief of the school board, and a two instructors came along the students. I thought there were no sense in chaperons' joining the tour if they just followed them.

 

添削

 

"Chaperons of Student Group Tours"

 

I have been working for a travel agency for over 10 years and observed how inefficiently some group tours were organized1. I don't think travel industries will be improved in the future. During the bubble economy in Japan, people used to waste their money on trifles and did not care about the inefficiency in group tours. But even these days of economic difficulty, I knew that people don’t change were same and still spend money on useless group tours it was accepted as a matter of course. The other day, I accompanied a group tour of for an overseas education program sponsored by a local government for middle high school students.  A chairperson and a chief of the school board, and a two instructors teachers came along with the students. I thought there were was no sense in sending four people as the chaperons' joining the tour if they just followed them2.

 

コメント

 

1.       口語体の文章で内容の省略部分が多く、英文で表現しようとすると、どのようなことが省略されているのか推察する必要があります。添削部分は私の推察です。バブルが終わったあともいろいろと無駄が多い、という一般論でもよいですが、この文章を書いた人は、団体旅行、とくに自治体の企画した団体旅行の無駄について嘆いているのでしょう。添削はこの説明を数箇所で加えています。

 

2.       この四人がまったく役に立たないかもしれませんが、ここでは少し穏かに、四人も付いてくる必要は無い、にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Chaperons of Student Group Tours"

 

I have been working for a travel agency for over 10 years and observed how inefficiently some group tours were organized. During the bubble economy in Japan, people used to waste money on trifles and did not care about the inefficiency in group tours. But even these days of economic difficulty, people don’t change and still spend money on useless group tours. The other day, I accompanied a group tour for an overseas education program sponsored by a local government for middle high school students. A chairperson and a chief of the school board, and two teachers came along with the students. I thought there was no sense in sending four people as the chaperons.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(さくら、22 November 06

 

"Followers for a Oversea Trip"

 

I think that lavish spending of local governments will continue without being changed in the future. I have been working for a travel agency for a dozen years. Japanese economy is tight now, but I see a lot of examples of lavish spending of local offices that we experienced during the economic bubble. The other day, I conducted a short term oversea studying tour that was provided by a local government for junior high school students. A superintendent of the education board of the local government, a chief manager, and two teachers came along. I was not really aware of the role of those people.

 

添削

 

"Followers Chaperons1 for a Oversea Trip"

 

I have been working for a travel agency for a dozen years2. I don’t 3think that lavish spending of by local governments will continue without being changed stop in the future. I have been working for a travel agency for a dozen years. The Japanese economy is now in a tight situation now, but I still see a lot of examples of lavish spending of by local offices governments that we experienced has started during the economic bubble. The other day, I conducted a short- term oversea studying tour that was provided by a local government for junior high school students. A superintendent and a chief manager of the education board of the local government, a chief manager and two teachers came along with the students. I was not really aware sure of the role of those people.

 

コメント

 

1.       監視を目的とした付き添いをchaperonといいます。

 

2.       この文は文章の始めに置いたほうが、以下の文章の内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

3.       内容は同じですが、I think ~と始めるより、I don’t think ~としたほうが読者の関心をよびます。英語圏の乳幼児が最初におぼえる言葉にMineNoがあります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Chaperons for a Oversea Trip"

 

I have been working for a travel agency for a dozen years. I don’t think that lavish spending by local governments will stop in the future. The Japanese economy is now in a tight situation, but I still see a lot of examples of lavish spending by local governments that has started during the economic bubble. The other day, I conducted a short-term oversea study tour that was provided by a local government for junior high school students. A superintendent and a chief manager of the education board of the local government, and two teachers came along with the students. I was not really sure of the role of those people.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(rikarika, 20 November 05

 

Accompany a foreign travel

 

I am sure that the situation would still remain over the decades. I have been working in travel business for more than a decade. In the bubble era may be possible, but even in the current situation in Japan such waste of money goes unmentioned. The other day, a group of people joining a local government sponsored oversea study program for junior high school students came here accompanied by school superintendent, manager and two teachers. Quite honestly, I could not understand the reason why the companions went along with the group.   

 

添削

 

Accompanying a foreign travel group1

 

I am sure that the this2 situation would will3 still remain4 the same over the next decades. I have been working in travel business for more than a decade. In the bubble era it may might be possible, but even in the current situation in Japan such a waste of money goes unmentioned. The other day, a group of people joining a local government sponsored5 oversea study program for junior high school students came here for an overseas study program sponsored by a local government. They were accompanied by a6 school superintendent, a manager and two teachers. Quite honestly, I could not understand the reason why the companions went came along with the group.   

 

コメント

 

1.       あるものに随行するので、海外旅行団体に随行すること、とするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       この日本文の構成は変わっていて、最初に何が問題かわかりませんね。ここでは仮に「これ」thisと言っておきましょう。

 

3.       大いに可能性のあることなのでwill にします。

 

4.       remainには「ずっと」という意味が含まれているのでstillは要りません。

 

5.       この文は主語がはっきりしませんね。A group of people joining ~a superintendent 以下の人達が同一の人達になるので意味が通じません。添削のように文を二つに分けるとよいでしょう。a local government sponsored overseas study programは長い複合名詞で読み難いですね。an overseas study program (that was) sponsored by a local governmentと複合名詞の中に文の構造ができるように表現しましょう。文を読む人は常に英文の基本文型を頭に置いて内容を理解します。この基本文型から外れると内容がすっと頭に入らず、読み難い文になります。

 

6.       「教育長、課長、そして先生2人」は「教育長(一人)、課長(一人)、そして先生2人」という意味ですから、ここではaは重要な情報を持っています。

 

添削後の文章

 

Accompanying a foreign travel group

 

I am sure that this situation will remain the same over the next decades. I have been working in travel business for more than a decade. In the bubble era it might be possible, but even in the current situation in Japan such a waste of money goes unmentioned. The other day, a group of junior high school students came here for an overseas study program sponsored by a local government. They were accompanied by a school superintendent, a manager and two teachers. Quite honestly, I could not understand the reason why the companions came  with the group.   

 

 

読者からの投稿1(トンちゃん、21 Jan 03

 

“Chaperons of Student Group Tours”

 

I have been working in the travel industry over ten years. Yet I am still amazed how inefficiently some group tours are organized. It might have been ignored during the period of the bubble economy. But even now when the economy is in a long recession, money is wasted on poorly organized group tours. For example, I accompanied a group of middle high school students who went overseas for a short-term educational tour. A local government organized the tour and sent as chaperons a chair person of the local school board, a director of the school board, and two high school teachers. Frankly, those chaperons were so useless and helpless that I wondered why they joined the tour group and what they were supposed to do as chaperons.

 

添削

 

“Chaperons of Student Group Tours”

 

I have been working in the travel industry for over ten years. Yet I am still amazed at how inefficiently some group tours are organized. It might have been ignored during the period of the bubble economy. But even now when the economy is still in a long recession, money is still wasted on poorly organized group tours. For example, I accompanied a group of middle high school students who went overseas for a short-term educational tour. A local government organized the tour and sent as chaperons a chair person chairperson of the local school board, a director of the school board, and two high school teachers as chaperons. Frankly, those chaperons were so useless and helpless that I wondered why they joined the group tour group and what they were supposed to do as chaperons.

 

コメント

 

くだけた調子の日本文なので、口語体の英文で内容を表現することも出来ますが、トンちゃんはこの添削講座の趣旨のプレイン・イングリシュの文体で内容を正確に伝えることに重点を置いて英文で表現しています。日本文の再構築をして、英文で表現するときに必要なことを補っています。英文の方が日本文より内容がよく分かるように書いてあります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Chaperons of Student Group Tours”

 

I have been working in the travel industry for over ten years. Yet I am still amazed at how inefficiently some group tours are organized. It might have been ignored during the period of the bubble economy. But even now when the economy is in a long recession, money is still wasted on poorly organized group tours. For example, I accompanied a group of middle high school students who went overseas for a short-term educational tour. A local government organized the tour and sent a  chairperson of the local school board, a director of the school board, and two high school teachers as chaperons. Frankly, those chaperons were so useless and helpless that I wondered why they joined the group tour and what they were supposed to do as chaperons.

 

 

練習問題 20「学校給食の食べ残しの費用」

 

財務省の調査では、残食のコストが学校給食全体の費用に占める率は小学校で12%、中学校で19%になるという。「食べ残し分材料費に作って捨てる費用プラス施設、人件費」は、子ども一人当たり小学校が三万一千円、中学校で五万四千円になるとはじく。家庭が負担する給食費(材料費)とほぼ同じだ。残食がなければ、計算上、給食費は不要ということになる。

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 14 August 11

 

"Opportunity Cost of School Meal Leftover”

 

A survey by the Ministry of Finance has revealed that the opportunity cost of leftover accounts for 12% of the total cost of the school meal at elementary schools and 19% at junior high schools. The survey goes on to say that the opportunity cost is 32,100 yen/person for elementary schools and 54,000 yen/person for junior high schools including cost of ingredients, disposal, facilities and overhead. They are about the same as the school meal charges (cost of ingredients) borne by the family. Mathematically, if it were not for the leftover, the families could save all the meal charges otherwise payable to the government.

 

添削

 

"Opportunity Cost of School Meal Leftover”

 

A survey by the Ministry of Finance has revealed that the opportunity cost of leftover accounts for 12% of the total cost of the school meal at elementary schools and 19% at junior high schools. The survey goes on to say that the opportunity cost is 32,100 yen/person for elementary schools and 54,000 yen/person for junior high schools including cost of ingredients, disposal, facilities and overhead. That is1, the cost of leftover is They are about the same as the school meal charges (cost of ingredients) borne by a the family. Mathematically, if it were not for the leftover, the families could save all the meal charges otherwise payable to the government.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       opportunity cost が専門用語なので、こうするとopportunity costの説明になるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Opportunity Cost of School Meal Leftover”

 

A survey by the Ministry of Finance has revealed that the opportunity cost of leftover accounts for 12% of the total cost of the school meal at elementary schools and 19% at junior high schools. The survey goes on to say that the opportunity cost is 32,100 yen/person for elementary schools and 54,000 yen/person for junior high schools including cost of ingredients, disposal, facilities and overhead. That is, the cost of leftover is about the same as the school meal charges (cost of ingredients) borne by a family. Mathematically, if it were not for the leftover, the families could save all the meal charges otherwise payable to the government.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(Kalo, 5 December 09

 

"Cost of School Lunch Leftover”

 

A survey conducted by the Ministry of Finance has found that the cost of leftover accounts for 12% of the total cost of school lunch at elementary school and 19% at junior high school. These costs include ingredients, personnel payrolls and faculties, annually estimated at 31,000 yen per student at elementary school and 54,000 yen at junior high school. These figures are nearly equal to the fee that parents pay for the school lunch, suggesting that if there is no leftover, school lunch will be served for free.

 

添削

 

"Costs of School Lunch Leftover”

 

A survey conducted by the Ministry of Finance has found that the cost of leftover accounts for 12% of the total cost of school lunch at elementary school and 19% at junior high school. These costs include ingredients, personnel payrolls and facultiesfacilities, annually estimated at 31,000 yen per student at elementary school and 54,000 yen at junior high school. These figures are nearly equal to the fees that parents pay for the school lunch, suggesting that if there is were1 no leftover, school lunch would will be served without charging parents school lunch fees or free.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。

 

1.       食べ残しはなくならないでしょうから、このような仮定法がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Costs of School Lunch Leftover”

 

A survey conducted by the Ministry of Finance has found that the cost of leftover accounts for 12% of the total cost of school lunch at elementary school and 19% at junior high school. These costs include ingredients, personnel payrolls and facilities, annually estimated at 31,000 yen per student at elementary school and 54,000 yen at junior high school. These figures are nearly equal to the fees that parents pay for the school lunch, suggesting that if there were no leftover, school lunch would be served without charging parents school lunch fees.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(かい、5 Aug 08

 

The cost of the foods that aren't eaten in school lunch

 

According to Ministry of Finance, the cost of the foods that aren't eaten in the school lunch accounts for 12% of elementary school and 19% of junior high school in the overall cost for school lunch. They forecast that the expense for ingredients of not being eaten, disposing , facilities, and labor is 31,000 yen of elementary school and 54,000 yen of junior high school a person. The cost is almost equal to the families' paying for the lunch (the cost of ingredients) Without such wasted foods, it is unnecessary for parents to pay for the lunch on calculation.

 

添削

 

The cost of leftover lunch at schools the foods that aren't eaten in school lunch

 

According to the Ministry of Finance, the cost of the foods that are left uneaten aren't eaten at in the school lunch accounts for 12% of the total cost of school lunch1 at elementary schools and 19% of at junior high schools in the overall cost for school lunch. They The Ministry estimates forecast that the total cost expense of for ingredients, of not being eaten , disposing leftovers , cooking facilities , and labor is 31,000 yen per student at of elementary schools and 54,000 yen at of junior high schools a person. The This cost is almost equal to the amount which each family pays the families' paying for the school lunch program2 (supposed to cover the cost of ingredients), Therefore, Wwithout such wasted foods, it is unnecessary for parents to pay for the school lunch program on calculation.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますがThe cost is almost equal to the families' paying for the lunch. がわかりません。

 

1.       12% of the total cost of school lunchと、何の12%なにかがわかるようにすぐに続けます。

 

2.       The cost is almost equal to the amount ~.isの両側が同じ種類のものになります(the costthe amount)。

 

添削後の文章

 

The cost of leftover lunch at schools

 

According to the Ministry of Finance, the cost of the foods that are left uneaten at school lunch accounts for 12% of the total cost of school lunch at elementary schools and 19% at junior high schools. The Ministry estimates that the total cost of ingredients, disposing leftovers, cooking facilities, and labor is 31,000 yen per student at elementary schools and 54,000 yen at junior high schools. This cost is almost equal to the amount which each family pays for the school lunch program (supposed to cover the cost of ingredients), Therefore, without such wasted foods, it is unnecessary for parents to pay for the school lunch program .

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(P&C, 9 July 08

 

According to the Ministry of Finance, in the all costs of public school lunch, the proportion of the cost related to the scraps is 12 per cent in elementary schools and 19 per cent in junior high schools. The cost related to the scraps is the sum of the cost of ingredients, the cost for cooking and scrapping, the charge for facilities, and the personal costs.

 

In addition, the Ministry of Finance released that annual cost related to the scraps per head is 31,000 yen in elementary schools and 54,000 yen in junior high schools. The annual cost per head nearly equal the cost of ingredients of school lunch which each family pay per year. If scraps are nothing, it is calculative possible to provide school lunch for all students without family's expenses.

 

 

添削

 

According to the Ministry of Finance, in the all costs of public school lunch, the proportion of the cost related to school lunch left uneaten by students amounts to the scraps is 12 per cent of the total cost of school lunch program in at elementary schools and 19 per cent in at junior high schools. The cost related to left-over lunch the scraps is the sum of the cost of ingredients, the cost for cooking, and scrapping, the charge for facilities, and labour the personal costs.

 

In addition, the Ministry of Finance released says that the annual cost related to the scraps of left-over lunch per head is 31,000 yen per student in at elementary schools and 54,000 yen in at junior high schools. They are The annual cost per head nearly equal to the amount the cost of ingredients of school lunch which2 each family pays for the school lunch program (the cost of ingredients) per year. This implies that If there is no left-over scraps are nothing,,  it is theoretically calculative possible to provide school lunch to for all students without the school lunch fees family's expenses3.

 

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、the cost related to the scrapsがわかりません。学校給食(昼食)の食べ残し、と説明するとよいでしょう。見出しの英語表現も英作文の練習になるので試してください。

 

1.       the cost of A, B and Cとしてthe costの繰り返しを省略できます。

 

2.       「家庭が負担する給食費(材料費)」では給食費は名目上は材料費の負担になっている、ということでしょうから、添削のように材料費を括弧のなかに入れるとよいでしょう。

 

3.       「残食がなければ、計算上、給食費は不要」を実現するのは、考えれ見ると簡単ではないですね。従来道理の量の給食を支給して、児童が全部食べてしまい残食がなくなれば費用の軽減にはなりません。現在の残食分だけ給食を少なく支給すればよいのですが、これで栄養は十分だと父母を説得しなければなりません。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to the Ministry of Finance, the cost related to school lunch left uneaten by students amounts to 12 per cent of the total cost of school lunch program at elementary schools and 19 per cent at junior high schools. The cost related to left-over lunch is the sum of the cost of ingredients, cooking, facilities and labour.

 

In addition, the Ministry of Finance says that the annual cost of left-over lunch is 31,000 yen per student at elementary schools and 54,000 yen at junior high schools. They are nearly equal to the amount each family pays for the school lunch program (the cost of ingredients) per year. This implies that If there is no left-over, it is theoretically possible to provide school lunch to all students without the school lunch fees.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(あすか、19 July 07

 

“Cost of The Wasted Leftovers from School Lunches”

 

According to a survey by Ministry of Finance, the cost of leftovers from school lunch in the total cost of school lunch is 12% at elementary school and 19% at middle school. The cost of leftovers from school lunches, food ingredients thrown away, facilities and labor, were added up to 31,000 yen per student in elementary schools and 45,000 yen for middle school. The cost of leftovers is almost same as the school payment fees of school lunches. This means that it would to be unnecessary to pay for their lunch fee if there were no leftovers.

 

添削

 

“Costs of The Wasted Leftovers from School Lunches1

 

According to a survey by the Ministry of Finance, the estimated costs of leftovers from school lunch amount to in the total cost of school lunch is 12% of the total cost of school lunch programs 2 at elementary schools and 19% at middle junior high schools3. The costs of leftovers from school lunches, including food ingredients thrown away, facilities and labor4, were added up to 31,000 yen per student in at elementary schools and 45,000 yen for at junior middle high schools. The costs of leftovers is are almost the same as the school lunch fees that the parents of those students pay to the schools the school payment fees of school lunches. This means that it would to be unnecessary for the parents to pay for their the school lunch programs fee if there were no leftovers.

 

コメント

 

1.       この文章の内容ではwasted leftoversは、意味が重なるので添削のように短くするとよいでしょう。家庭ではleftoversはまた食卓に戻りますね。

 

2.       12% of ~という形のほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

3.       カナダではjunior high school, senior high schoolの名称が一般的です。

 

4.       添削のようにincluding ~を入れると、主語と動詞の関係がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Costs of Wasted School Lunches1

 

According to a survey by the Ministry of Finance, estimated costs of leftovers from school lunch amount to 12% of the total cost of school lunch programs at elementary schools and 19% at junior high schools. The costs of leftovers from school lunches, including ingredients, facilities and labor, added up to 31,000 yen per student at elementary schools and 45,000 yen at junior high schools. The costs of leftovers are almost the same as the school lunch fees that the parents of those students pay to the schools. This means that it would to be unnecessary for the parents to pay for the school lunch programs if there were no leftovers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(さくら、29 November 06

 

"Cost of leftovers of School Lunch"

 

According to a survey by the Ministry of Finance, the cost of leftovers of school lunch accounts for 12 percent of the total cost of school lunch in elementary schools and 19 percent in junior high schools. This leftover’s cost includes cost of materials, cooking and disposing, utilities fees and labor cost. It costs 31 thousand yen per elementary student and 54 thousand yen per junior high school student. That is almost the same amount of the school lunch fee and if there were no leftovers, the school lunch fee would not be needed in theory.

 

添削

 

"Cost of the lLeftovers of School Lunch"

 

According to a survey by the Ministry of Finance, the cost of leftovers of school lunch accounts for 12 percent1 of the total cost of school lunch in elementary schools and 19 percent in junior high schools. This estimate of leftover’s cost includes the cost of materials, cooking and disposing, utilities fees and labor cost. It The leftover costs 31 thousand yen per elementary student a year and 54 thousand yen per junior high school student a year. That These are2 is almost the same amounts of as the school lunch fees and if there were no leftovers, the school lunch fees would not be needed required in theory.

 

コメント

 

1.       「残食のコストが学校給食全体の費用に占める率は小学校で12%」を「残食のコストは小学校では学校給食全体の費用の12%を占める」と言い換えたので、英文の構造が簡単になりましたね。

 

2.       小学校と中学校のそれぞれのことを言っているように思えますから、添削のように複数にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Cost of the Leftover of School Lunch"

 

According to a survey by the Ministry of Finance, the cost of leftover of school lunch accounts for 12 percent of the total cost of school lunch in elementary schools and 19 percent in junior high schools. This estimate of leftover includes the cost of materials, cooking and disposing, utilities and labor. The leftover costs 31 thousand yen per elementary student a year and 54 thousand yen per junior high school student a year. These are almost the same amounts as the school lunch fees and if there were no leftover, the school lunch fees would not be required.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(rikarika, 21 Nov 05

 

The cost of school lunch leftovers

 

According to the survey by the Ministry of Finance, the ratios of leftovers cost in the total cost of school lunch is respectively 12% and 19% at elementally and junior high school. Per child cost of ‘’uneaten food plus facilitate and labor’’ is calculated respectively at 31000yen and 54000yen at elementally and junior high school. The total cost of leftovers is roughly equal to the households paid school lunch cost (food cost). In my calculation, no cost would be necessary if there were no leftovers.

 

添削

 

The cost of school lunch leftovers

 

According to the survey by the Ministry of Finance, the ratios percentage1 of the cost of school lunch left uneaten by students2 leftovers cost in the total cost of school lunch is respectively 12% at elementary school3 and 19% at elementally and junior high school. Per child The cost of the ingredients for ‘’uneaten food, plus facilitate facilities  and labor’’ per student is calculated respectively at as 31,000 yen4 for and 54000yen at elementary school elementally and as 54,000 yen for junior high school. The total cost of leftovers is roughly equal to the fees that households parents paid pay for school lunch cost (food cost costs of ingredients only). In my calculation,This means that5 no cost fees would be necessary if there were no leftovers.

 

コメント

 

1.       ratio0.1(一割)などの「割合」を指します。

 

2.       タイトルはthe cost of school lunch leftoverと短く表現してあるので、ここで「残食」の説明をしておくとよいでしょう。

 

3.       ~ is respectively 12% and 19% at elementary and junior high schoolでも意味はわかりますが、is 12% at elementary school and 19% at junior high schoolとしたほうがよみやすくなります。プレイン・イングリッシュは意味の通る文章を書くだけでなく、読者が一読してわかるような文章を書く、が大切なのでこのような細かなところまで注意しましょう。

 

4.       「三万一千円」は31,000 yenと表記するとわかりやすくなります。

 

5.       ここのところは調査の内容ではなく、この記事を書いた人が書き足したところのようですね。それを示すためにIn my opinion,といれたのはよいアイディアです。もうすこしフォーマルにThis means that ~とすると文章の感じに合うでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The cost of school lunch leftover

 

According to the survey by the Ministry of Finance, the percentage of the cost of school lunch left uneaten by students in the total cost of school lunch is 12% at elementary school3 and 19% at junior high school. The cost of the ingredients for uneaten food, facilities and labor per student is calculated as 31,000 yen for elementary school and as 54,000 yen for junior high school. The total cost of leftovers is roughly equal to the fees that parents pay for school lunch ( costs of ingredients only). This means that no fees would be necessary if there were no leftovers.

 

 

読者からの投稿1(Mika, 21 Jan 03

 

“Costs of Wasted School Lunches”

 

According to a survey conducted by the Japanese Ministry of Finance, the amount of food left uneaten by students at school lunches amount to 12 percent of the total cost of the school lunch program at elementary schools and 19 percent at junior high schools. The average cost of wasted food is estimated as 31,000 yen per student at elementary schools and 54,000 yen per student for one school year. The average cost includes costs of ingredients, labor, and facilities. These average costs are about the same as those the parents of students pay to schools as their shares of the school lunch program. So, if students ate all of their lunches, they can save money and their parents would not have to pay for the school lunch program.

 

添削

 

“Costs of Wasted School Lunches”

 

According to a survey conducted by the Japanese Ministry of Finance, the amount of food left uneaten by students at school lunches amounts to 12 percent of the total cost of the school lunch program at elementary schools1 and 19 percent at junior high schools. The average cost of wasted food is estimated as 31,000 yen per student at elementary schools and 54,000 yen per student at junior high schools for one school year. The average cost includes costs of ingredients, labor, and facilities. These average costs are about the same as those that the parents of students pay to the schools as their shares of the school lunch program. SoTherefore, if students ate all of their lunches, they can would save money and their parents would not have to pay for the school lunch program2.

 

コメント

 

「残食のコストが学校給食全体の費用に占める率は小学校で12%」は日本文の構造に引きずられると The percentage of the cost of uneaten school lunch out of the total cost of school lunch is 12 percent at elementary schools. などと英文で表現してしまいますが、これだと良く読まないと、なにがなにの12パーセントなのか分かりません。be 動詞 を使った、A is B.という形の文は動詞に動きがないので文の印象が薄れます。Mikaさんのように The amount of food left uneaten…amounts to 12 percent of the total cost…としたほうが、12パーセントの意味がはっきりします。

 

「残食がなければ、計算上、給食費は不要ということになる。」というのは論理的におかしいですね。残食の分だけ最初から給食の量を減らして、その分の材料費その他を購入しなければ、確かに家庭が払う給食費に見合う額を倹約することになりますが。ここでは日本文を書いた著者に質問できないので、Mikaさんは日本文の内容どおりに英文で表現してあります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Cost of Wasted School Lunches”

 

According to a survey conducted by the Japanese Ministry of Finance, the amount of food left uneaten by students at school lunches amounts to 12 percent of the total cost of the school lunch program at elementary schools and 19 percent at junior high schools. The average cost of wasted food is estimated as 31,000 yen per student at elementary schools and 54,000 yen per student at junior high schools for one school year. The average cost includes cost of ingredients, labor, and facilities. These average costs are about the same as those that the parents of students pay to the schools as their share of the school lunch program. Therefore, if students ate all of their lunch, they would save money and their parents would not have to pay for the school lunch program.