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初級練習問題添削 421−430

 

初級練習問題 421(13 March 07) (27 May 08) (9 June 08) (16 March 11)

初級練習問題 422(27 March 07) (10 June 08) (10 March 09) (17 March 11)

                         (26 Sept 12) (29 Oct 14)

初級練習問題 423(29 March 07) (11 June 08) (5 July 08) (20 March 11)

                    (9 Nov 14)

初級練習問題 424(30 March 07) (12 June 08) (16 March 09) (21 March 11)

                          (25 Nov 14)

初級練習問題 425(31 March 07) (13 June 08) ) (18 March 09) (21 March 11)

                    (25 Nov 14)

初級練習問題 426(1 April 07) (14 June 08) (23 March 11) (2 June 13) (7 Dec 14)

 

初級練習問題 427(2 April 07) (16 June 08) (25 March 11) (16 Dec 14) (7 July 16)

 

初級練習問題 428(4 April 07) (16 June 08) (25 March 11) (25 Dec 14)

初級練習問題 429(2 April 07) (6 April 07) (17 June 08) (26 March 09) (28 March 11)

(5 Sept 12) (7 Jan 15) (5 June 16)

初級練習問題 430(5 April 07) (18 June 08) (31 March 09) (3 April 11) (7 Jan 15)

                              (2 July 16)

 

 

初級練習問題 421

 

パソコンや携帯電話機にインターネット経由でダウンロードするネット音楽配信の市場規模が、2006年に初めてシングル盤CDの生産額を上回ったことが2月23日、日本レコード協会が発表した有料音楽配信売り上げ実績で分かった。音楽配信のうち携帯電話向けが前年比33%増の3億4414万回、金額で同49%増の約482億円と、全体の9割を占めた。

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 16 March 11

 

Online music downloading to PC’s or cell phones has been growing rapidly as a new method of music distribution. The Recording Industry Association of Japan revealed, in its 2006 sales statistics for online music services released on February 23, that the revenue from the online services surpassed production value of single CD’s for the first time ever. By customer segment, downloading to cell phones increased to 344.14 million in number or 48.2 billion yen in sale proceeds, up 33% or 49% respectively from a year earlier, accounting for 90 percent of the total online music sales in 2006.

 

添削

 

Online music dDownloading music online to PC’s or and cell phones1 has been growing rapidly as a new method of music distribution. The Recording Industry Association of Japan revealed, in its 2006 sales statistics for online music services released on February 23, that the total number of music downloaded2 revenue from the online services surpassed the number production value of single piece of music CD’s for the first time ever. By customer segment, dDownloading to cell phones increased to 344.14 million in number or 48.2 billion yen in sales proceeds, up 33% or and 49% respectively from a year earlier, accounting for 90 percent of the total number of music pieces sold online music sales in 2006.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容はすべてわかります。

 

1.       online music downloading to PCsという複合名詞よりdownloading music online to PCsという名詞節のほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       これはダウンロードした楽曲の数とシングル盤の生産数(シングル盤ですから総数はそのまま楽曲数になります)との比較だとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Downloading music online to PC’s and cell phones has been growing rapidly as a new method of music distribution. The Recording Industry Association of Japan revealed, in its 2006 sales statistics for online music services released on February 23, that the total number of music downloaded online surpassed the number of single piece of music CD’s for the first time ever. Downloading to cell phones increased to 344.14 million in number or 48.2 billion yen in sales, up 33% and 49% respectively from a year earlier, accounting for 90 percent of the total number of music pieces sold in 2006.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、9 June 08

 

The Recording Industry Association of Japan announced paid music distribution sales on February 23. According to RIAJ, the Internet music distribution market that downloads music to PC or mobile phones through the Internet exceeded the single CD market for the first time in 2006. The number of times of music that downloaded to mobile phones showed increase of 33% over last year. Its amount of money showed increase of 49% over last year and amounted to about 48.2 billion yen. This accounted for 90% of the total.

 

添削

 

The Recording Industry Association of Japan announced on February 23 that1 paid music distribution sales on February 23. According to RIAJ, the sales2 of the Internet music distribution market that downloadsed music to PCs or mobile phones from through the Internet exceeded the sales of single music CDs market for the first time in 2006. The number  of times of music that downloaded to mobile phones showed an increase of 33% over last year. and its Its amount of money showed sales increased of by 49% over last year reaching and amounted to about 48.2 billion yen. This accounted for 90% of the sales of music downloaded from the Internet total.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、携帯電話向け音楽に関するところがわかりにくいです。添削のようにまとめるとよいでしょう。

 

1.       内容の重複があるので添削のように直接市場規模のことを記述するとよいでしょう。

 

2.       日本文には市場規模とありますが、the sales of musicと音楽の売り上げ高にすると文が簡単になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Recording Industry Association of Japan announced on February 23 that the sales of   music downloaded to PCs or mobile phones from the Internet exceeded the sales of single music CDs for the first time in 2006. The number of music downloaded to mobile phones showed an increase of 33% over last year and its sales increased by 49% reaching about 48.2 billion yen. This accounted for 90% of the sales of music downloaded from the Internet .

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(YMA, 27 May 08

 

The market scale of internet download services of music exceeded the production of single CDs for the first time in history in the early 2006. This result was based on the sales records of pay music industries announced by the Recording Industry Association of Japan on February 23. The download services for cellular phones occupied 90 percent of the whole market. The total number of download to cellular phones was up to 344,144,000. This was a 33% increase from the previous year. The sales of download music to cellular phones was about 482,000,000 yen, which was a 49% increase from last year. 

 

添削

 

The value of sales market scale of internet music download services on the Internet1 of music exceeded that the production of single CDs for the first time in history in the early 2006. This result was based announced on the sales records of pay music industries announced2 by the Recording Industry Association of Japan on February 23. The music download services for cellular phones counted for occupied 90 percent of the total sales of music download services whole market. The total number of sales3 of music download services to cellular phones reached was up to 344,144,000. This was a 33% increase from the previous year. The value of sales of download music download services to cellular phones was about 482,000,000 yen, which was a 49% increase from last year. 

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが、最初の文のthe market scaleがわかりにくいですね。添削のように売上高とはっきりするとよいでしょう。

 

1.       インターネットでは普通の音楽CDも購入できるので、音楽配信はmusic download services on the Internetというように記述したらどうでしょうか。

 

2.       日本文にはこの内容が記述してありますが、英文では省略してよいでしょう。

 

3.       the total number of salesthe (total) value of salesと同じ形式の表現で対比するとわかりやすくなるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The value of sales of music download services on the Internet exceeded that of single CDs for the first time in history in the early 2006. This was announced by the Recording Industry Association of Japan on February 23. The music download services for cellular phones counted for 90 percent of the total sales of music download services. The total number of sales of music download services to cellular phones reached 344,144,000. This was a 33% increase from the previous year. The value of sales of music download services to cellular phones was about 482,000,000 yen, which was a 49% increase from last year. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Kalo, 13 March 07

 

On February 23, the Recording Industry Association of Japan announced the sales figures of fee-based digital music distributions in 2006. The figures show that the sales of digital music through the Internet and mobile phones exceeded the total production value of single track CDs for the first time in 2006. Music distributions through mobile phones rose by 33 percent to 344.14 million tracks and by 49 percent to some 48.2 billion yen. Mobile phones accounted for 90 percent of the sales of all digital music distributions in the year.

 

添削

 

On February 23, the Recording Industry Association of Japan1 announced the sales figures of fee-based digital music downloaded through the Internet2 distributions in 2006. The figures show that the sales of digital music through the Internet and for mobile phones exceeded the total production value of sales of single track CDs for the first time in 2006. Music distributions downloaded to through mobile phones rose by 33 percent from last year to 344.14 million tracks pieces and or by 49 percent in the value of sales3 to some 48.2 billion yen. Mobile phones accounted for 90 percent of the total sales of all digital music downloaded throuth the Internet in 2006 distributions in the year.

 

コメント

 

1.       「日本レコード協会」の英語名はthe Recording Industry Association of Japanですね。インターネットで「日本レコード協会」検索すると英語名も出ていますね。

 

2.       オンライン音楽配信もCDも共にディジタル音楽なので、ここではmusic downloaded through the Internetとするとよいでしょう。

 

3.       曲数と売り上げとがわかるように表現することが大切なので添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February 23, the Recording Industry Association of Japan announced the sales figures of  music downloaded through the Internet in 2006. The figures show that the sales of music through the Internet for mobile phones exceeded the sales of single CDs for the first time in 2006. Music downloaded to mobile phones rose by 33 percent from last year to 344.14 million pieces or by 49 percent in the value of sales to some 48.2 billion yen. Mobile phones accounted for 90 percent of the total sales of music downloaded through the Internet in 2006 .

 

 

初級練習問題 422

 

アフリカのセネガル南東部に生息するチンパンジーが、木の枝でヤリを作り、狩猟に使っていることが、米英の研究チームによる観察で明らかになった。雌たちが、植物の枝を折り取り、細かい側枝や葉をちぎって、手ごろな長さにした上で、さらに片端をかんて鋭くし、ヤリのような形状のものを作った。そして、これを、樹木の空洞などに何度も突き刺したうえ、空洞の中を探る様子が観察された。

 

読者からの投稿 6(Lucca, 29 October 14

 

A joint U.S.- British research team revealed that chimpanzees living in the southeastern part of Senegal in Africa made spears from tree branches and used them for hunting. Female chimpanzees made spears in the following way. : They broke branches off trees, removed side branches and leaves, cut them to the appropriate length, shaped an edge of branches by biting and made them like a spear. The research team observed that chimpanzees slid a spear in and out of a hollow of a tree in order to know what it was like inside the hollow..

 

添削

 

A joint U.S.- British research team revealed that chimpanzees living in the southeastern part of Senegal in Africa made spears from tree branches and used them for hunting. Female chimpanzees made spears in the following way. : They broke branches off trees, removed side branches and leaves, cut them to the appropriate length, shaped an edge of branches by biting and made them like a spear. The research team observed that the chimpanzees slid a spear in and out of a hollow of a tree in order to find know if anything edible what it was hiding like inside the hollow..

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。わかりやすい構成の文章です。

 

1.       日本文には「空洞の中を探る様子が観察された」としか書いてありませんが、「木の枝でヤリを作り、狩猟に使っている」とあるので、添削ようにすると具体的いなるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A joint U.S.- British research team revealed that chimpanzees living in the southeastern part of Senegal in Africa made spears from tree branches and used them for hunting. Female chimpanzees made spears in the following way. They broke branches off trees, removed side branches and leaves, cut them to the appropriate length, shaped an edge of branches by biting and made them like a spear. The research team observed that the chimpanzees slid a spear in and out of a hollow of a tree in order to find if anything edible was hiding inside the hollow.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(OKEN, 26 September 12

 

The U.S. and the U.K. research team reported the fact that chimpanzees living in the southeast of Senegal in Africa made spears with tree branches and used them for hunting. The females snapped a tree branch and made it suitable length by tearing small side branches and leaves. Then, they made something like a spear by biting one corner of it. The researchers observed that the chimpanzees stuck it in the cavity of a tree many times and explored the cavity.

 

添削

 

The A joint U.S. and the U.K. research team reported the fact that chimpanzees living in the southeast of Senegal in Africa made spears with tree branches and used them for hunting. The fFemales chimpanzees1 snapped a tree branches and broke them made it to a suitable length, and by tore tearing off small side branches and leaves. Then, they shaped them made into something like a spears by biting one corner end of them it. The researchers observed that the chimpanzees stuck it them into the cavityies of a trees many times checking if there was anything in the cavities and explored the cavity.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       「雌たちが」と日本文にあるので、複数のチンパンジーの雌がこのような動作をした、というのが大切なのでしょう。英文ではこれ以降をすべて複数形にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

A joint U.S. and the U.K. research team reported that chimpanzees living in the southeast of Senegal in Africa made spears with tree branches and used them for hunting. Female chimpanzees snapped tree branches and broke them to a suitable length, and tore off small side branches and leaves. Then, they shaped them into something like spears by biting one end of them. The researchers observed that the chimpanzees stuck them into the cavities of  trees many times checking if there was anything in the cavities .

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 17 March 11

 

A survey by a joint U.S.-Britain research team revealed that chimpanzees living in southeastern Senegal, West Africa whittled a tree branch into a spear to use it for their hunting. The team observed that female chimpanzees broke a branch off a tree, trimmed its side branches and leaves, cut it to the proper length and bit one end of it to sharpen like a spearhead. Then, they stuck the spear thus made into a cavity of tree again and again to see whether there was any prey in there.

 

添削

 

A survey by a joint U.S.-Britain research team revealed that chimpanzees living in southeastern Senegal, West Africa, whittled a tree branch into a spear to use it for their hunting. The team observed that female chimpanzees broke a branch off a tree, trimmed its side branches and leaves, cut it to the a proper length and bit one end of it to sharpen like a spearhead. Then, they stuck the spear thus made into a cavity of tree again and again to see whether there was any prey in there.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey by a joint U.S.-Britain research team revealed that chimpanzees living in southeastern Senegal, West Africa, whittled a tree branch into a spear to use it for their hunting. The team observed that female chimpanzees broke a branch off a tree, trimmed its side branches and leaves, cut it to a proper length and bit one end of it to sharpen like a spearhead. Then, they stuck the spear into a cavity of tree again and again to see whether there was any prey in there.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Speedy, 10 March 09

 

The research conducted by a Joint US and England study team found it that Chimpanzees living in the Southeast part of Senegal in Africa made spears from tree branches and used them for hunting. Female chimpanzees broke branches off trees, removed side branches and leaves, adjusted them into good size, sharpened one end of the branch by biting, and finally shaped them like spears. The study team also observed that the chimpanzees pierced into a hollow of a tree with the spear many times and searched inside structure.

 

添削

 

The research conducted by a Joint A joint US and England study research team found1 it that Cchimpanzees living in the Ssoutheastern part of Senegal in Africa made spears from tree branches and used them for hunting. Female chimpanzees broke branches off trees, removed side branches and leaves, adjusted broke them into a good size, sharpened one end of the branch by biting, and finally shaped them like spears2. The study research team also observed that the chimpanzees pierced poked these spears into a the hollows on the of a tree with the spear many times and searched for something inside structure the hollows.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       日本語の表現方法ではなく内容に注意すれば、このような簡単な英語表現でよいでしょう。

 

2.       ヤリの製作過程がよくわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A joint US and England research team found that chimpanzees living in the southeastern part of Senegal in Africa made spears from tree branches and used them for hunting. Female chimpanzees broke branches off trees, removed side branches and leaves, broke them into a good size, sharpened one end of the branch by biting, and finally shaped them like spears. The research team also observed that the chimpanzees poked these spears into the hollows on the tree many times and searched for something inside the hollows.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(岩ちゃん、10 June 08

 

An America and England research team observed the following things on a chimpanzee group that lives in the southeast part of Senegal in Africa. The group made spears from branches and used them for hunting. Female chimpanzees snap a big branch and take thin branches and leaves off. Besides, after they made a handy-size branch, they chewed the end of the branch to made a spear-like shape. The research team observed that after chimpanzees stabbed these branches into a hollow on the tree many times, they fumbled for it.

 

添削

 

An joint US and UK America and England research team found that observed the following things on a chimpanzee group of chimpanzees that lives in the southeast part of Senegal, in Africa used a primitive tool. The group made spears from branches and used them for hunting. Female chimpanzees snapped a big tree branch, and take took thin branches and leaves off the branch, chewed and sharpened the end of the branch, and made the branch into a spear2. Besides, after they made a handy-size branch, they chewed the end of the branch to made a spear-like shape. The research team observed that after the chimpanzees stabbed these spear-shaped branches into a the hollows on the tree many times to search for something inside the hollows3, they fumbled for it.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、文章の構成にわかりにくいところがあります。

 

1.       一番と二番の文の内容を統合して、この文章のキーセンテンスとするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       チンパンジーの動作を一つずつジュンを順番を追って記述したほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

3.       they fumbled for itがわからないでの、添削のようにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

A joint US and UK research team found that a group of chimpanzees in the southeast part of Senegal, Africa used a primitive tool. Female chimpanzees snapped a tree branch, took thin branches and leaves off the branch, chewed and sharpened the end of the branch, and made the branch into a spear. The research team observed that the chimpanzees stabbed these spear-shaped branches into the hollows on the tree many times to search for something inside the hollows.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Kalo, 27 March 07

 

Chimpanzees living in southeastern Senegal have been observed making spears from sticks and using them to hunt other animals, a joint US and UK research team reported. In the report, female chimpanzees tore side branches and leaves off a long stick, shortened the stick to grip easily, sharpened one end of the stick with their teeth, and made a spear-like tool. The chimpanzees, then, repeatedly jabbed the tool into hollow trunks to see whether there was a prey in the hollow trunks.

 

添削

 

Chimpanzees living in southeastern Senegal have been observed making a spears1 from a sticks and using them it to hunt other animals by, a joint US and UK research team reported2. In the report, fFemale chimpanzees tore broke a twig from a tree, tore off side branches and  its leaves, off a long stick, broke it into two to make a shortened the stick to grip it easily, sharpened one end of the stick with their teeth, and made a spear-like tool3. The chimpanzees, then, repeatedly jabbed the tool into hollow trunks4 to see whether there was a prey in the hollow trunks.

 

コメント

 

1.       ここは単数で代表するのがよいでしょう。

 

2.       have been observedreportedは内容が重なるので添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

 

3.       「雌たちが、植物の枝を折り取り、細かい側枝や葉をちぎって、手ごろな長さにした上で、さらに片端をかんて鋭くし、ヤリのような形状のものを作った。」が長い文ですね。チンパンジーの動作を一つずつ順番に並べるとよいでしょう。

 

4.       hollow trunksというと空洞になっている木の幹(たとえば地面に倒れている木の幹の中の空洞)となります。立っている木の幹に出来た穴ならa hole on the treeがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Chimpanzees living in southeastern Senegal have been observed making a spear from a stick and using it to hunt other animals by a joint US and UK research team. Female chimpanzees broke a twig from a tree, tore off its leaves, broke it into two to make a short stick to grip it easily, sharpened one end of the stick with their teeth, and made a spear-like tool. The chimpanzees, then, repeatedly jabbed the tool into hollow trunks to see whether there was a prey in the hollow trunks.

 

 

初級練習問題 423

 

技術革新をテコに経済成長戦略を検討する政府の「イノベーション25戦略会議」は2月26日、中間報告を公表した。技術革新がもたらす20年後の家庭生活の様子を紹介。実現が期待される技術の例として次のものを挙げている。

 

カプセル型の超小型機械を飲んで健康診断、高齢者が50歳並みの身体を保つ医療技術、バイオ技術で改良した植物による砂漠緑化、自動翻訳機能付きヘッドホン、掃除、洗濯、介護などをこなす家庭ロボット、電子マネー技術の普及で完全キャッシュレス社会、衝突を自動回避する乗用車。

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 9 November 14

 

On February 26, the Japanese government released an interim report related to economic growth that can be brought about by technological innovation. This report was prepared by “the Innovation 25 Strategy Council" and illustrated how deeply technological innovation would change people's life in the coming 20 years. Some of dream technologies are, for example, expected to be realized in the future. 

 

1.     Health check by using capsule-shaped tiny devices,

2.     medical technology enabling elderly to maintain health condition at their fifties,

3.     greening of deserts by plants that were developed by using biotechnology,

4.     headphones with an automatic translation function,

5.     home robots for cleaning, washing and caring,

6.     cashless society with wide use of electronic payment, and

7.     a car with collision avoidance controller.

 

添削

 

On February 26, the Japanese government released an interim report related to economic growth that can be brought about by technological innovation. This report was prepared by  The the Innovation 25 Strategy Council" and illustrated how deeply technological innovation would change people's life in the coming 20 years. Some of dream technologies that are, for example1, expected to be realized in the future are.: 

 

1.     Health check by using capsule-shaped tiny devices,

2.     medical technology enabling the elderly to maintain their health conditions at the levels in at their fifties,

3.     greening of deserts by plants that are2 were developed by using biotechnology,

4.     headphones with an automatic translation function,

5.     home robots for cleaning, washing and caring,

6.     cashless society with wide use of electronic payments, and

7.     a car with a collision avoidance controller.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.     Someと言っているのでfor exampleは不要です。

 

2.     バイオ技術一般なので(過去に開発されたものだけに限らず)現在形にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February 26, the Japanese government released an interim report related to economic growth that can be brought about by technological innovation. This report was prepared by  “The Innovation 25 Strategy Council" and illustrated how deeply technological innovation would change people's life in the coming 20 years. Some of dream technologies that are expected to be realized in the future are: 

 

1.     Health check by using capsule-shaped tiny devices,

2.     medical technology enabling the elderly to maintain their health conditions at the levels in  their fifties,

3.     greening of deserts by plants that are developed by using biotechnology,

4.     headphones with an automatic translation function,

5.     home robots for cleaning, washing and caring,

6.     cashless society with wide use of electronic payments, and

7.     a car with a collision avoidance controller.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 20 March 11

 

The “Innovation 25 Strategic Council” released its interim report on February 26. The mission of the governmental advisory council is to formulate strategic initiatives for economic growth using technological innovation as leverage. The report envisioned how technological innovation will change our way of life 20 years from now. It listed following items that would be made possible through advances in technology as examples:

 

·         Health check by means of capsulated micro-miniature machine that can be swallowed.

 

·         Medical technology to help the elderly to maintain their physical strength at the level of those in their 50’s.

 

·         Greening of deserts with the plants improved by biotechnology.

 

·         Headphones with an automatic translation function.

 

·         A home companion robot capable of housekeeping and nursing.

 

·         A fully cashless society brought about by the spread of electronic money technology.

 

·         A passenger car equipped with a collision avoidance system.

 

添削

 

The Innovation 25 Strategic Council released its interim report on February 26. The mission of this the governmental advisory council is to formulate strategic initiatives for economic growth using technological innovation as a leverage. The report envisioned how technological innovation will change our way of life in twenty 20 years from now. The report It listed the following items that would be made possible through advances in technology as examples:

 

·         Health check by means of a capsulated micro-miniature device machine that can be swallowed.

 

·         Medical technology to help the elderly to maintain their physical strength at the level of those in their 50’s.

 

·         Greening of deserts with the plants improved by biotechnology.

 

·         Headphones with an automatic translation function.

 

·         A home companion robot capable of housekeeping and nursing.

 

·         A fully cashless society brought about by the spread of electronic money technology.

 

·         A passenger car equipped with a collision avoidance system.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Innovation 25 Strategic Council released its interim report on February 26. The mission of this  governmental advisory council is to formulate strategic initiatives for economic growth using technological innovation as a leverage. The report envisioned how technological innovation will change our way of life in twenty  years from now. The report  listed the following items that would be made possible through advances in technology :

 

·         Health check by means of a capsulated micro-miniature device  that can be swallowed.

 

·         Medical technology to help the elderly to maintain their physical strength at the level of those in their 50’s.

 

·         Greening of deserts with the plants improved by biotechnology.

 

·         Headphones with an automatic translation function.

 

·         A home companion robot capable of housekeeping and nursing.

 

·         A fully cashless society brought about by the spread of electronic money technology.

 

·         A passenger car equipped with a collision avoidance system.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(すみれ、5 July 08

 

On February 26, "Innovation 25 Strategy Council", the advisory organ of Japanese Government set up to develop strategy initiative to promote economic growth through technology innovation announced its Interim Report. The Report envisaged family life after twenty years from now listing the following items, which the Council expects to be realized through technology innovation.

 

1 a capsule type micro machine capable to perform health check,

2 medical technology for elderly people to keep their body age at their fifties,

3 greening desert with improved plants by biotechnology,

4 a headset attached with automatic simultaneous translation machine,

5 a home robot capable of performing household chores like cleaning, washing and care-giving,

6 totally cash-free society by the diffusion of digital cash,

7 a car with the function to automatically avoid clash.

 

添削

 

On February 26, the "Innovation 25 Strategy Council", an the advisory organ of the Japanese Government for the set up to development1 of strategyic initiatives to promote economic growth through technologyical innovations, announced its Interim Rreport. The Rreport envisaged a family life in after twenty years from now listing the following items, which the Council expects to be realized through technology innovations.:

 

1.       1 a capsule type micro machine capable to of performing a health check,

2.       2 medical technology for elderly people to keep their body ages at their fifties,

3.       3 greening desert with improved plants by biotechnology,

4.       4 a headset attached with an automatic simultaneous translation machine,

5.       5 a home robot capable of performing household chores like cleaning, washing and care-giving,

6.       6 totally cash-free society by the diffusion of digital cash, and

7.       7 a car that can with the function to automatically avoid a clash.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。技術革新の箇条書きがわかりやすいですね。

 

1.       挿入の名詞句が長いので、この文の主語を説明する動詞が文の最後の方に置かれています。このようなときは挿入句に動詞をなるべく入れないようにします。これは主語の動詞と混同されるのを防ぐためです。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February 26, the "Innovation 25 Strategy Council", an advisory organ of the Japanese Government for the development of strategic initiatives to promote economic growth through technological innovations, announced its Interim report. The report envisaged a family life in  twenty years listing the following items which the Council expects to be realized through technology innovations:

 

1.        a capsule type micro machine capable of performing a health check,

2.        medical technology for elderly people to keep their body ages at their fifties,

3.        greening desert with improved plants by biotechnology,

4.        a headset with an automatic simultaneous translation machine,

5.        a home robot capable of performing household chores like cleaning, washing and care-giving,

6.        totally cash-free society by the diffusion of digital cash, and

7.        a car that can automatically avoid a clash.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(岩ちゃん、11 June 08

 

The Innovation 25 Strategy Meeting sponsored by the government has reviewed a strategy on economic growth by using technical innovation as leverage. The meeting announced an interim report on February 26. The report introduces home life in 20 years brought by technical innovation and gives the following examples as realizable technology.

 

1. Health examination by drinking a capsule type of ultra-miniature machine.

2. Medical technology to keep the elderly in a fiftyish body.

3. The greening of deserts by plants improved by biotechnology.

4. A headphone with translation machine.

5. A home robot of doing cleaning, washing and caring.

6. Cashless society by the spread of electronic money.

7. A car of automatically avoiding crash.

 

添削

 

The Innovation 25 Strategy Meeting Council, sponsored by the government, has fished revieweding a strategy on economic growth by using technical innovations that can be used as a leverage for economic growth in the long-run. and The meeting released announced an interim report on February 261. The report introduces depicts home life in 20 years that can be brought in by possible technical innovations and gives the following examples as realizable technologyical innovations.:

 

1. Health examination by drinking swallowing a capsule type of ultra-miniature machine.

2. Medical technology to keep the elderly in the physical conditions of their fifties a fiftyish2 body.

3. The gGreening of deserts by plants improved by biotechnology.

4. A headphone with a translation machine.

5. A home robot for of doing cleaning, washing and caring.

6. Cashless society by the spread of electronic money.

7. A car that can of automatically avoiding a crash.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

review technological innovationsを要点としたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

fiftyishという単語は無いので添削のように説明するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Innovation 25 Strategy Council, sponsored by the government, has fished reviewing  technical innovations that can be used as a leverage for economic growth in the long-run and  released an interim report on February 26. The report depicts home life in 20 years that can be brought in by possible technical innovations and gives the following examples as realizable technological innovations:

 

1. Health examination by swallowing a capsule type of ultra-miniature machine.

2. Medical technology to keep the elderly in the physical conditions of their fifties.

3. Greening of deserts by plants improved by biotechnology.

4. A headphone with a translation machine.

5. A home robot for cleaning, washing and caring.

6. Cashless society by the spread of electronic money.

7. A car that can automatically avoid a crash.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Kalo, 29 March 07

 

On February 26, the government released an interim report on its long-term strategy titled "Innovation 25" to maintain economic growth through technological innovation. The report predicts how the technological innovation will change our life in the next twenty years, and cites innovations that are expected to be introduced to the society as follows:

 

1.  An oral microelectronic capsule capable of monitoring the body,

 

2.  Medical advances allowing elderly people to stay as young as those in their 50's.

 

3.  Forestation of desserts thorough plants improved by biotechnology,

 

4.  A headphone equipped with an automatic translation system,

 

5.       A robot capable of elderly care and household chores such as cleaning and laundry,

 

6.       A totally cashless society through the widespread use of electronic money and,

 

7.       An automobile equipped with an automatic crash-avoidance system.

 

添削

 

On February 26, the government released an interim report on its long-term strategy titled "Innovation 2025" to maintain economic growth through technological innovation1. The report predicts how the2 technological innovation will change our family life in the next twenty years, and cites identifies innovations that are expected to be introduced to the society as follows:

 

1.        An miniscule oral microelectronic capsule capable of performing a medical examination monitoring the body3,

 

2.       Medical advances technology allowing elderly people to stay as young as those in their 50's.

 

3.       AfforestationForestation of desserts thorough by biologically-improved plants improved by biotechnology,

 

4.       A hHeadphones4 equipped with an automatic real-time translation system,

 

5.       A domestic robot capable of elderly care and household chores such as cleaning and laundry,

 

6.       A totally cashless society through the widespread use of electronic money, and,

 

7.       An automobile equipped with an automatic crash-avoidance system.

 

 

コメント

 

1.       Kaloさんは「技術革新をテコに経済成長戦略を検討する政府のイノベーション25戦略会議は2月26日、中間報告を公表した。」を「2月26日、政府は技術革新をテコに経済成長を持続するための技術革新2025と題する長期経済戦略に関する中間報告を発表した。」と言い換えています。「イノベーション25戦略会議」を「技術革新2025」という報告書の題名にしたのが面白いですね。

 

2.       「技術革新がもたらす20年後の家庭生活の様子を紹介。」は英文表現を考えますね。英文の主語を前の文からの関係で「報告書」として、「報告書は〜を紹介する。」が基本形で、〜のところに「技術革新がもたらす20年後の家庭生活」を入れればよいのですが、ここのところの表現に工夫を必要とします。Kaloさんは「報告書は技術革新が20年後の家庭生活をどのように変えるか予測している。」と言い換えたのは適切ですね。technology innovationを一般的な抽象名詞として定冠詞無しで使うか、または具体的な技術革新としてtechnology innovationsと複数形で使うか、どちらでもよいでしょう。

 

3.       個々の技術革新の英文表現は難しそうですが、ここでは「経口型超小型健康診断用医療カプセル」などのような技術用語ではなく、技術の内容が説明してあるので、それに沿った英文表現を考えればよいですね。もし「経口型超小型健康診断用医療カプセル」のような専門用語の場合でも、このような専門用語はまだ辞書には出ていないときが多いので、内容を考えて英文で記述できます。Kaloさんは名詞句で技術革新を記述しています。文で説明するより難しいですが、このような英文表現を考えるのは楽しいですね。カプセルには体内に常住して健康状態をモニターするものも出来るでしょうが、ここでは特別な健康診断をするカプセルとしました。

 

4.       (a pair of) glassesのように(a pair of) headphonesと複数形で使います(片方の耳だけで使うものもありますが)。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February 26, the government released an interim report on its long-term strategy titled "Innovation 2025" to maintain economic growth through technological innovation. The report predicts how technological innovation will change our family life in the next twenty years, and identifies innovations that are expected to be introduced to society as follows:

 

1.       A miniscule oral microelectronic capsule capable of performing a medical examination,

 

2.       Medical technology allowing elderly people to stay as young as those in their 50's,

 

3.       Forestation of desserts by biologically-improved plants,

 

4.       Headphones equipped with an automatic real-time translation system,

 

5.       A domestic robot capable of elderly care and household chores such as cleaning and laundry,

 

6.       A totally cashless society through the widespread use of electronic money, and

 

7.       An automobile equipped with an automatic crash-avoidance system.

 

 

初級練習問題 424

 

やせすぎのファッションモデルが、若い女性の過度なダイエットを助長し、健康に影響を及ぼすという議論が世界各地で起きている。一連の議論の発端は、昨年9月、スペインのマドリードコレクションで起きた。現地当局は、モデルにあこがれる女性たちの過度のダイエットを助長するという理由で、やせすぎモデルの出演を禁止にした。

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 25 November 14

 

The Madrid Collection, which is a fashion show taking place in Spain, banned overly-thin fashion models from appearing in its show last September. The organizers worried that young women longing for model-like figure would go on an extreme diet. The decision has sparked a worldwide debate about women's health problems which could be caused by drastic diet.

 

添削

 

The Madrid Collection, which is a fashion show taking place in Spain, banned overly-thinslim fashion models from appearing in its show last September. The organizers worried that young women longing for a model-like figure would go on an extreme diet. The decision has sparked a worldwide debate about women's health problems which could be caused by a drastic diet.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Madrid Collection, a fashion show in Spain, banned overly-slim fashion models from appearing in its show last September. The organizers worried that young women longing for a model-like figure would go on an extreme diet. The decision sparked a worldwide debate about women's health problems which could be caused by a drastic diet.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 21 March 11

 

There are worldwide disputes underway over possible adverse effects of overly-thin fashion models on the health of young women. A series of disputes started with the Madrid Collection in Spain last September. The local authorities banned overly-thin models from appearing on stage on the ground that they could encourage women yearning for model-like figure to go on an excessive dieting.

 

添削

 

There are worldwide disputes underway over possible adverse effects of overly-thin slim fashion models on the health of young women. A series of disputes started with the Madrid Collection in Spain last September. The local authorities banned overly-thin slim models from appearing on stage on the ground that they could encourage women yearning for model-like figure to go on an excessive dieting.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

There are worldwide disputes underway over possible adverse effects of overly-slim fashion models on the health of young women. A series of disputes started with the Madrid Collection in Spain last September. The local authorities banned overly-slim models from appearing on stage on the ground that they could encourage women yearning for model-like figure to go on excessive dieting.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Speedy, 16 March 09

 

It is argued in many countries in the world that excessively skinny fashion models encourage young girls to undergo extreme diet that gives negative impacts to their health. This argument has its origin at the Madrid Collection in Spain last September. The local authority prohibited excessively skinny models from appearing in the fashion show on the ground that those fashion models encourage young girls aspiring to look like them undergo

 

添削

 

It is argued in many countries in the world that excessively skinny fashion models encourage young girls to undergo extreme dieting that inflicts gives negative impacts on to their health. This argument has its origin at the Madrid Collection in Spain last September. The local authority prohibited excessively skinny models from appearing in the fashion show on the ground that those fashion models encourage young girls to aspiring to look like them and undergo extreme dieting.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

It is argued in many countries that excessively skinny fashion models encourage young girls to undergo extreme dieting that inflicts negative impacts on their health. This argument has its origin at the Madrid Collection in Spain last September. The local authority prohibited excessively skinny models from appearing in the fashion show on the ground that those fashion models encourage young girls to look like them and undergo extreme dieting.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(岩ちゃん、12 June 08

 

People in various parts of the world have been discussing about whether too thin fashion models encourage young girls to excessively diet and affect their health. These discussion started at Madrid collection in Spain last September. The authorities prohibited too thin fashion models from appearing in the fashion show by the reason why girls who long for models diet excessively.

 

添削

 

People in various parts of the world have been discussing about whether or not too very slim thin fashion models encourage young girls to excessively diet excessively that1 often negatively and affect their health. These discussions started at a fashion show called the Madrid cCollection in Spain last September. The local authorities prohibited very slim too thin fashion models from appearing in the fashion show on the ground that by the reason why young girls who longed for those fashion models would start dieting excessively.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       and affect their healthの主語がはっきりしないので添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

People in various parts of the world have been discussing whether or not very slim fashion models encourage young girls to diet excessively that often negatively affect their health. These discussions started at a fashion show called the Madrid Collection in Spain last September. The local authorities prohibited very slim fashion models from appearing in the fashion show on the ground that young girls who longed for those fashion models would start dieting excessively.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Kalo, 30 March 07

 

Debates on extremely skinny fashion models have been on the rise in many countries as their appearance can induce young women to diet excessively and damage their health. These debates originate from the Madrid Collection in Spain last September. Local authorities in Madrid banned extremely skinny fashion models from appearing in the show, saying that their appearance encouraged women who wanted to be like the models to diet excessively.

  

添削

 

Debates on extremely skinny slim fashion models have been on the rise in many countries as their slim appearances can induce young women to diet excessively and damage their health1. These debates originated2 from a fashion show called the Madrid Collection in Spain last September. Local authorities in Madrid banned extremely skinny fashion models from appearing in the show, saying that their slim appearances3 encouraged women who wanted to be like the models to diet excessively4.

 

コメント

 

1.       やせすぎのファッションモデルが、若い女性の過度なダイエットを助長し、健康に影響を及ぼすという議論が世界各地で起きている。」は下線部分の連体形修飾節が長いので、この内容をどのように英文で表現するか考えますね。「〜という議論が世界各地で起きている。」Controversies are arising worldwide that ~.として〜部分で議論の内容を説明する、という形もあります。Kaloさんは「〜という理由でやせぎすのファッションモデルについての議論が多くの国で増加している。」と言い直しています。文の最初の部分にDebates on extremely slim fashion modelsとあるのでこれからの文章がどういうないようになるか分かりやすくなっています。

 

2.       「議論の発端は 〜である。」は現在形のように思えますが、英文では過去のあるときに始まった、ということで These debates originated from ~.と過去形で表現します。

 

3.       their appearancesというと衣装も含めた全体の印象になるので、their slim appearancesとすると良いでしょう。extremely skinnyとするとほんとに骨と皮しかないほど痩せているという印象になります(実際このようなモデルもいるでしょうが)。

 

4.       「〜という理由で」をsaying that ~と表現したのが適切ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Debates on extremely slim fashion models have been on the rise in many countries as their slim appearances can induce young women to diet excessively and damage their health. These debates originated from a fashion show called the Madrid Collection in Spain last September. Local authorities in Madrid banned extremely skinny fashion models from appearing in the show, saying that their slim appearances encouraged women who wanted to be like the models to diet excessively.

 

  

初級練習問題 425

 

群馬県太田市は、第3子以降の妊娠中の妊婦の検診費用、出産費用や、小中学校までの給食費、医療費、入学費用、修学旅行費などを助成する独自案を明らかにした。2005年度生まれの第3子以降の230人を対象に試算した結果、市の負担額を年間4億5000万円前後と見込んでいる。

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 25 November 14

 

Ota City in Gunma Prefecture launched a new program to provide subsidies to families that had more than two children. These families can receive subsidies to cover the expenses for events such as regular health check-up by pregnant mothers, delivery, school meals, medical treatment, school entrance and excursion. In this fiscal year, the city expects to spend about 450 million yen to finance the program to support 230 children who are born as the third or later children in 2005.

 

添削

 

Ota City in Gunma Prefecture launched a new program to provide subsidies to families that had more than two children. Now1 Tthese families can receive subsidies to cover the expenses for events such as regular health check-ups by pregnant mothers, deliveryies, school meals, medical treatment, school entrance and excursion fees. In this fiscal year, the city expects to spend about 450 million yen to finance the program to support 230 children who are were2 born as the third or later children in 2005.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       前の文が過去形なので、ここから現在形にするには、このような句を入れると良いでしょう。

 

2.       230人と人数がわかっているので、既に生まれている子供の数だとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Ota City in Gunma Prefecture launched a new program to provide subsidies to families that had more than two children. Now these families can receive subsidies to cover the expenses for events such as regular health check-ups by pregnant mothers, deliveries, school meals, medical treatment, school entrance and excursion fees. In this fiscal year, the city expects to spend about 450 million yen to finance the program to support 230 children who were born as the third or later children in 2005.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 21 March 11

 

Ota City, Gumma Prefecture disclosed its unique program to encourage its citizens to have more children. The program will provide the women pregnant with her third baby or later with subsidies for prenatal checkups and delivery. The subsidies are also applied to such expenditures like school lunch, medical treatment, school admission and school trip up until such children complete compulsory education. Having calculated subsidies required for 230 third and later children born in 2005 onward, the City now projects its annual budget to be around 450 million yen.

 

添削

 

Ota City, Gumma Prefecture disclosed its  a unique program to encourage its citizens to have more children. The program will provide the a womean pregnant with her third baby or later with subsidies for prenatal checkups and delivery. The subsidies are also applied to such expenditures like as school lunch, medical treatment, school admission and school excursions trip up until such children complete compulsory education. Having calculated subsidies required for 230 of1 third and later children born in 2005 onward, the City now projects its annual budget for the program to be around 450 million yen.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       230 third and later childrenと続くと読みにくいので230 of third and later childrenofのおまけを入れて一呼吸置くほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Ota City, Gumma Prefecture disclosed a unique program to encourage its citizens to have more children. The program will provide a woman pregnant with her third baby or later with subsidies for prenatal checkups and delivery. The subsidies are also applied to such expenditures as school lunch, medical treatment, school admission and school excursions  up until such children complete compulsory education. Having calculated subsidies required for 230 of1 third and later children born in 2005 onward, the City now projects its annual budget for the program to be around 450 million yen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Speedy, 28 March 09

 

The office of Ota City in Gunma Prefecture revealed a subsidy plan for families having more than three children. According to the plan, families having more than three children are provided with subsidies to regular health inspection fees, birth expenses, school lunch fees, medical expenses, school entrance and excursion expenses among others. The amount of subsidies to be born by the City will be about 450million yen per year, if the plan is applied to 230 babies who were born as third or later children in 2005.

 

添削

 

The City1 The office of Ota City in Gunma Prefecture revealed a subsidy plan for families having more than three two2 children. According to the plan, families having more than three two children are provided with subsidies to such as regular health inspection fees for pregnant mothers, birth expenses, school lunch fees, medical expenses, school entrance and excursion expenses among others. The amount of subsidies to be born by the City will be about 450 million yen per year, if the plan is applied to 230 babies who were born as the third or later children like in 2005.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますがmore than ~の使い方を誤っています。

 

1.       the City of Otaとすると、この文脈では太田市当局となります。

 

2.       「第三子以降」を第三子 およびそれ以降の子供(第四子、第五子など)と理解します。more than threeは3より多い数を示し、3自身は入りません。ですからら、この場合は第三子は入りません。英語表現で「第三子以降」はmore than twoとなります。three or more childrenとするともっとわかりやすい表現になります。正確を記すためにequal to or greater than threeという表現もあります。同様にless than threeには3は含まれません。3を含むためにはthree or less than threeまたはequal to or less than threeという表現になります。ちなみに「3以上」に3は含まれますか、それとも含まれませんか?新明解国語辞典によれば「以上は数量に関する表現としては厳密にはその数量を含むが、一般の使用においては必ずしも厳密でないことが有る。」そうです。問題の日本語が「三人以上」とせずに「第三子以降」としたのは「三人以上」の曖昧さを嫌ったのでしょう。とにかく、日本語は数の比較にかんする基本的な表現が曖昧なので本当に困ります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The City of Ota in Gunma Prefecture revealed a subsidy plan for families having more than two children. According to the plan, families having more than two children are provided with subsidies such as regular health inspection fees for pregnant mothers, birth expenses, school lunch fees, medical expenses, school entrance and excursion expenses. The amount of subsidies to be born by the City will be about 450 million yen per year, if the plan is applied to 230 babies who were born as the third or later children in 2005.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(岩ちゃん、13 June 08

 

When women in Ota City in Gunma Prefecture conceive the third child or later, the city announced a plan that helps them with inspection fees, birth expenses, school lunch expenses, medical expenses, entrance expenses and school excursion fees. According to a trial calculation for 230 babies who are the third babies or later in 2005, the city will bear around 450 million yen per year.

 

添削

 

When women in Ota City in Gunma Prefecture conceive their third child or later child, the city City2 announced a plan that will helps them with a subsidy for regular health inspection fees, and birth expenses for the mother, and a subsidy for school lunch expenses, medical expenses, entrance expenses and school excursion fees for the child3. According to a trial calculation for 230 babies who are the third or later babies or later in 2005, the cCity will bear the subsidy of about around 450 million yen per year. The City has recently announced this unique program to encourage women to have more children.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますがthe city announced a plan thatという挿入句とこの前の従属文との関連がはっきりしません。添削ではこの部分だけを文章に最後に置いてみました。

 

1.       the Cityと大文字で始めると大田市役所ということがはっきりします。

 

2.       この助成金が第三子以降の子供だけにあてはまるのか、総ての子供にあてはまるのか、日本文でははっきりしませんが、ここでは第三子以降としました。

 

添削後の文章

 

When women in Ota City in Gunma Prefecture conceive their third or later child, the City will help them with a subsidy for regular health inspection fees and birth expenses for the mother, and a subsidy for school lunch expenses, medical expenses, entrance expenses and school excursion fees for the child. According to a trial calculation for 230 babies who are the third or later babies in 2005, the City will bear the subsidy of about 450 million yen per year. The City has recently announced this unique program to encourage women to have more children.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Kalo, 31 March 07

 

Ota City in Gunma Prefecture has set up a generous program to finance child support payments to households with three or more children in order to tackle the declining birthrate. The program covers costs for prenatal health check and childbirth. What's more, the program includes costs for medical treatment, school entry, school lunches, and school trips while a third or subsequent child is in an elementary and junior high school. The city will have an annual total budget of 450 million yen, based on the estimates of 230 children who were born and registered as a third or subsequent child in the 2005 fiscal year.

 

添削

 

Ota City in Gunma Prefecture has set up a generous program to finance financially child support payments to households with three or more children in order to tackle the declining birthrate1. The program covers costs for prenatal health checks and childbirth. What's more, the program also covers includes costs for medical treatment, school entry, school lunches, and school trips while a the third or subsequent child is in an elementary and junior high school2. The city will have an annual total budget of 450 million yen, based on the estimates of 230 children who were born and registered as a the third or subsequent child in the 2005 fiscal year3.

 

コメント

 

1.       「群馬県太田市は、第3子以降の妊娠中の妊婦の検診費用、出産費用や、小中学校までの給食費、医療費、入学費用、修学旅行費などを助成する独自案を明らかにした。」は情報いっぱいの文ですね。文の骨子は「群馬県太田市は新しい助成プログラムを公表した。」でこの助成プログラムの内容が「このプログラムは第3子以降の妊娠中の妊婦の検診費用と出産費用を助成する。」と「このプログラムは第3子以降の小中学校までの給食費、医療費、入学費用、修学旅行費などを助成する。」の二つに区別できます。Kaloさんは「群馬県太田市は三人またはそれ以上の子供を持つ家庭を(出生率低下対策の一環として)経済的に援助するプログラムを設置した。」と最初の部分を小文に分解しています。「独自案を明らかにした」はannounced a programhas set up a programの段階まではまだ到達してないようにおもいますが、ここでは厳密な区別はいらないでしょう。to finance child support paymentsとするとchild support paymentsという特別なプログラムがあるような印象になります。ここでは一般的にto financially support householdsとしました。

 

2.       助成する対象が二種類あるので、Kaloさんのように二つの文に分けると内容がはっきりしますね。

 

3.       「第3子以降の230人を対象に試算した結果」をKaloさんはbased on 230 children who were born and registered as the third or subsequent child in the 2005 fiscal yearと丁寧に説明しています。the estimates ofregisteredということと矛盾しますから要りません。

 

添削後の文章

 

Ota City in Gunma Prefecture has set up a generous program to financially support households with three or more children in order to tackle the declining birthrate. The program covers costs for prenatal health checks and childbirth. What's more, the program also covers costs for medical treatment, school entry, school lunch, and school trips while the third or subsequent child is in an elementary and junior high school. The city will have an annual total budget of 450 million yen, based on 230 children who were born and registered as the third or subsequent child in the 2005 fiscal year.

 

 

初級練習問題 426

 

世界遺産は人類全体で保護、保全すべき普遍的な価値がある遺跡や自然地域で、世界全体で文化遺産644、自然遺産162、両方の要素を含む複合遺産24の計830が登録されている。。登録するにはまず各国が国連教育科学文化機関〈ユネスコ〉の暫定リストに候補地を掲載し、条件が整ったところからユネスコに推薦する。ユネスコは候補地を調査して、年一回の世界遺産委員会で登録の可否を決める。

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 7 December 14

 

World Heritage Sites are defined as ruins or natural areas that have the universal value and should be protected or preserved by people's effort. As of today, 830 sights are designated officially as the World Heritage by the United Nations Educationally, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO). The breakdown is 644 cultural heritages, 162 natural heritages and 24 mixed heritages. In order for sites to be designated as a World Heritage, each country registers candidate sites on the temporary list of the UNESCO and recommends its candidate sites to them when its candidate sites meet necessary conditions based on the UNESCO standard. After the UNESCO thoroughly investigates the candidate sites, the World Heritage Committee decides if the sites are suitable for a World Heritage.

 

添削

 

World Heritage Sites are defined as ancient ruins or natural areas that have the universal value and should be protected or preserved by people's effort. As of today, 830 sights are designated officially as the World Heritage sites by the United Nations Educationally, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO). The breakdown is They include 644 cultural heritages, 162 natural heritages and 24 mixed heritages. In order for a sites to be designated as a World Heritage site, each country first registers a candidate sites1 on the temporary list of the UNESCO and recommends its candidate sites to them when its candidate sites can meet necessary conditions based on the UNESCO standard. After the UNESCO thoroughly investigates the candidate sites, the World Heritage Committee decides if the sites is are suitable for a World Heritage site.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       単数のほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

World Heritage Sites are defined as ancient ruins or natural areas that have universal value and should be protected or preserved by people's effort. As of today, 830 sights are designated officially as the World Heritage sites by the United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO). They include 644 cultural heritages, 162 natural heritages and 24 mixed heritages. In order for a site to be designated as a World Heritage site, each country first registers a candidate site on the temporary list of the UNESCO and recommends its candidate site to them when its candidate site can meet necessary conditions based on the UNESCO standard. After the UNESCO thoroughly investigates the candidate site, the World Heritage Committee decides if the site is suitable for a World Heritage site.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(OKEN, 2 June 13

 

World heritage sites are precious areas of the natural world and valuable historical assets that all the human beings should preserve. At present, the list of registered world heritage sites has reached 830 all over the world. Of the total, 644 are cultural sites, 162 natural sites and 24 mixed sites. For registration, each country firstly lists its candidate places on the draft list of The United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO). When the conditions are right, the candidate place is nominated for UNESCO World Heritage sites. Then, UNESCO researches the place and decides whether it should be registered or not on the annual World Heritage board.

 

添削

 

World heritage sites are precious areas of the natural world and valuable historical assets that all the human beings should preserve. At present, the list of registered world heritage sites have has reached 830 and are located1 all over the world. Of the total, 644 are cultural sites, 162 natural sites and 24 mixed sites. For registration, each country firstly lists submits its candidate places to on the draft list of The United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO). When the candidates meet the conditions for the heritage site are right, they will be candidate place is nominated for UNESCO World Heritage sites. Then, UNESCO researches the candidates place and decides whether it they should be registered or not at on the annual meeting of the World Heritage board Committee.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       投稿のままでもよいですが、添削のようにすると「全部で830あり、世界中のいろいろな所にある」と後半の所を強調できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

World heritage sites are precious areas of the natural world and valuable historical assets that all human beings should preserve. At present, the registered world heritage sites have  reached 830 and are located all over the world. Of the total, 644 are cultural sites,162 natural sites and 24 mixed sites. For registration, each country submits its candidate places to the draft list of The United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO). When the candidates meet the conditions for the heritage site, they will be nominated for UNESCO World Heritage sites. Then, UNESCO researches the candidates and decides whether they should be registered or not at the annual meeting of the World Heritage  Committee.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(mxtomi, 23 March 11

 

A World Heritage Site is a monument or a natural area of universal value worth protecting and conserving as a common heritage of humanity. As of today, 830 sites are listed world wide: 644 cultural, 162 natural, and 24 mixed properties. In order for a country to have its candidate properties officially designated as World Heritage sites, the country first takes an inventory of its significant cultural and natural properties to include them on the Tentative List administered by The United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO). Next, the country selects a property meeting prescribed selection criteria from this list to place into a Nomination File to UNESCO. Then, UNESCO evaluates the nominated site and decides whether or not to inscribe the site on the World Heritage List at its annual World Heritage Committee meeting.

 

添削

 

A World Heritage Site is a monument or a natural area of universal value worth protecting and conserving as a common heritage of humanity. As of today, 830 sites are listed world wide: 644 cultural, 162 natural, and 24 mixed properties. In order for a country to have its sites candidate properties officially designated as World Heritage sites, the country first lists its candidates takes an inventory of its significant cultural and natural properties to include them1 on the Tentative List administered by The United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO). Next, the country selects the sites that satisfy a property meeting prescribed the selection criteria and nominate them to UNESCO. from this list to place into a Nomination File to UNESCO.  Finally, Then, UNESCO evaluates the nominated sites and decides whether or not to inscribe the sites on the World Heritage List at its annual World Heritage Committee meeting.

 

コメント

 

内容は総てわかりますがが、sitepropertyの二つが同じものを指すので、分かり難いところがあります。

1.       list its candidatesと簡単にしてよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A World Heritage Site is a monument or a natural area of universal value worth protecting and conserving as a common heritage of humanity. As of today, 830 sites are listed world wide: 644 cultural, 162 natural, and 24 mixed properties. In order for a country to have its sites  designated as World Heritage sites, the country first lists its candidates on the Tentative List administered by The United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO). Next, the country selects the sites that satisfy the selection criteria and nominate them to UNESCO. Finally, UNESCO evaluates the nominated sites and decides whether or not to inscribe the sites on the World Heritage List at its annual World Heritage Committee meeting.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(岩ちゃん、14 June 08

 

A World Heritage sight is universalistic and valuable ruins or natural areas that are protected and preserved by all humanity.. A total of 830 heritages throughout the world are registered as a World Heritage site. Its breakdown is 644 cultural heritages, 162 natural heritages and 24 mixed heritages including factors of the cultural and the natural heritage. First of all, each country registers its candidate site on the list managed by UNESCO. Next, each country recommends its candidate site to UNESCO after its candidate site met necessary conditions. Finally, after UNESCO surveyed its candidate site, the World Heritage Committee held annually decides the advisability of registration.

 

添削

 

A World Heritage sight is universalistic and valuable a ruins or natural areas that with universally appealing value that the United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) registers on its list of World Heritage sites as a place to be are protected and preserved by all humanity.. A total of 830 heritages throughout the world have been are registered as a World Heritage site.: Its breakdown is 644 cultural heritages, 162 natural heritages and 24 mixed heritages including the elements of both factors of the cultural and the natural heritages. In order to get a place registered as a World Heritage site, First of all, each country registers its candidate site on the list managed by UNESCO. Next, each country recommends its candidate site to UNESCO after its candidate site meets necessary conditions. Finally, after UNESCO surveyeds the its candidate site, the World Heritage Committee held annually decides whether or not the site should be registered as a World Heritage site the advisability of registration.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、最初の文がわかりません。添削のようにこの文で世界遺産はユネスコの制定したものであることを説明するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A World Heritage sight is a ruin or natural area with universally appealing value that the United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) registers on its list of World Heritage sites as a place to be protected and preserved. A total of 830 heritages throughout the world have been registered as a World Heritage site: 644 cultural heritages, 162 natural heritages and 24 mixed heritages including the elements of both cultural and natural heritages. In order to get a place registered as a World Heritage site, each country registers its candidate site on the list managed by UNESCO. Next, each country recommends its candidate site to UNESCO after its candidate site meets necessary conditions. Finally, after UNESCO surveys the candidate site, the World Heritage Committee decides whether or not the site should be registered as a World Heritage site.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Kalo, 1 April 07

 

A World Heritage site is a cultural and natural site of universally outstanding value that we all must try hard to protect and preserve. As of now, a total of 830 sites in the world are listed: 644 cultural sites, 162 natural sites and 24 sites that have both cultural and natural properties. For a site to be listed, a nation first needs to put its cultural and natural sites in a tentative list prepared by United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO). A nation, then, can choose a site from the list and recommend it as a candidate site to UNESCO. UNESCO evaluates the candidate site in detail and then determines in its annual meeting whether it should be listed as a World Heritage site.

 

添削

 

A World Heritage site is either a cultural and or natural site of a universally outstanding value that should be1 we all must try hard to protected and preserved for future generations. As of now, a total of 830 sites in the world are listed as a World Heritage site: 644 cultural sites, 162 natural sites and 24 sites that have both cultural and natural properties values. For a site to be listed, a national government first needs to put its candidate for a cultural and or natural sites on in the a tentative list prepared by the United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO). A The national government, then, can choose a site from the list and recommends the site it as a candidate site to UNESCO when all conditions for a World Heritage site are met2. UNESCO then evaluates the candidate site in detail and then determines in its annual meeting whether it should be listed as a World Heritage site at an annual meeting of its World Heritage Committee3.

 

コメント

 

1.       この文章全体で仮の主語weが出てくるところはこの一箇所なので、添削のように受動態にするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       「条件が整ったところから」は重要な情報です。富士山を文化遺産に登録するかどうかでもめているのも、この「条件が整う」と観光開発が制限されると地元で騒いでいるからですね。

 

3.       「世界遺産委員会」と日本文にあるので、この情報も英文に入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A World Heritage site is either a cultural or natural site of a universally outstanding value that should be protected and preserved for future generations. As of now, a total of 830 sites in the world are listed as a World Heritage site: 644 cultural sites, 162 natural sites and 24 sites that have both cultural and natural values. For a site to be listed, a national government first needs to put its candidate for a cultural or natural site on the tentative list prepared by the United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO). The national government recommends the site to UNESCO when all conditions for a World Heritage site are met. UNESCO then evaluates the candidate site in detail and determines whether it should be listed as a World Heritage site at an annual meeting of its World Heritage Committee.

 

 

初級練習問題 427

 

ネットスター社が2006年に小学生の女児を対象に行った「家庭におけるインターネット利用実態調査」で、両親がそばにいる時だけネットを利用する子供は4%に過ぎないことが分かった。しかし、2005年に保護者を対象に行った調査では「親がそばにいる時だけ利用できると決めている」が3割に上っており、親の認識と子供の利用実態は一致していない。

 

読者からの投稿 5(だっち、7 July 16

 

Nester Co. researched for girls in elementary school on when they use the internet at home in 2006. This survey showed that only four percent of them answered that they used it only when their parents were near the girls. On the other hand, the research for parents on the same topic in 2005 said that 30 percent of them recognized that their children were limited to use the internet only when their parents were near them. These results clarifies that parents do not recognize when children use the internet correctly.

 

添削

 

Nester Co. researched asked for girls in elementary school on when they used the internet at home in 2006. This survey showed that only four percent of them answered that they used it only when their parents were near with them the girls1.  On the other hand, when Nester Co conducted the same research for parents on the same topic in 20052, said that 30 percent of parents them said recognized that their children were allowed limited to use the internet only when their parents were with their parents were near them. These results clarifies show that parents do not recognize know when their children use the internet correctly.

 

コメント

 

内容は推測できますが parents childrenの関係がはっきりしないところがあります。

 

1.       ここはthe girlsより、最初のgirlsを受けた代名詞themのほうが、誰を指しているのかわかりやすいです。

 

2.       最初の文の主語がNeste Co.ですから、この文も主語を同じにしたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nester Co. asked girls in elementary school when they used the internet at home in 2006. This survey showed that only four percent of them answered that they used it only when their parents were with them. On the other hand, when Nester Co conducted the same research for parents in 2005, 30 percent of parents said that their children were allowed to use the internet only when their parents were with them. These results show that parents do not know when their children use the internet .

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 16 December 14

 

Net Star Inc. conducted a survey to find out how elementary school girls used Internet at home in 2006. The survey showed that four percent of girls used Internet at home only when their parents were present. According to a survey in 2005, thirty percent of parents made a rule that their children were able to use Internet at home only when they were present. Contrary to their parents' expectation, children use Internet at home much longer than the rule set by parents.

 

添削

 

Net Star Inc. conducted a survey to find out how elementary school girls used Internet at home in 2006. The survey showed that four percent of girls used Internet at home only when their parents were present. According to a survey in 2005, however, thirty percent of parents made a rule that their children were able to use Internet at home only when they were present. Contrary to their parents' expectation, children use Internet at home much longer than the rule set by their parents.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Net Star Inc. conducted a survey to find out how elementary school girls used Internet at home in 2006. The survey showed that four percent of girls used Internet at home only when their parents were present. According to a survey in 2005, however, thirty percent of parents made a rule that their children were able to use Internet at home only when they were present. Contrary to parents' expectation, children use Internet at home much longer than the rule set by their parents.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(mxtomi, 25 March 11

 

Net Star Inc. conducted a survey on how elementary school girls were using the Internet at home in 2006. The survey found that only 4% of them used the Internet when their parents were around. However, another survey on the use of the Internet conducted in 2005 said 30% of parents allowed their children to use the Internet only under parents’ supervision. Apparently, there is a yawning gap between parents’ perceptions and reality as to how their children are using the internet.

 

添削

 

Net Star Inc. conducted a survey on how elementary school girls were using the Internet at home in 2006. The survey found that only 4% of them used the Internet only1 when their parents were around. However, another survey on the use of the Internet conducted in 2005 said 30% of parents allowed their children to use the Internet only under parents’ supervision. Apparently, there is a yawning gap between parents’ perceptions and reality as to how their children are using the internet.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「両親がそばにいる時」のonlyにしないと、onlyの意味が曖昧になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Net Star Inc. conducted a survey on how elementary school girls were using the Internet at home in 2006. The survey found that 4% of them used the Internet only when their parents were around. However, another survey on the use of the Internet conducted in 2005 said 30% of parents allowed their children to use the Internet only under parents’ supervision. Apparently, there is a yawning gap between parents’ perceptions and reality as to how their children are using the internet.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(16 June 08

 

Net Star company conducted "a survey on Internet usage at home" for elementary school girls. The survey showed that only 4% of girls used the Internet only when they stay near their parents. But the survey for parents in 2005 showed that more than 30% of parents allowed their children to access the Internet only near them. There is a big difference between the frequency of Internet usage parents recognize and their children recognize.

 

添削

 

Net Star Inc. company conducted "a survey of on the Internet usage at home" by for elementary school girls. The survey showed that only 4% of girls used the Internet while only when they stay near their parents were watching them. But the a survey of for parents in 2005 showed that more than 30% of parents said that they would allowed2 their children to access the Internet while they were watching their children only near them. There is a big difference between the frequency of the Internet usage that parents recognize and their children recognize.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、 わかり難いところがあります。

 

1.       only 4% of girls…..only when ….onlyが二つあるので内容がわかり難いです。添削のようにするとよいでしょう。「両親がそばにいる時だけ」という日本語が曖昧ですが、多分親がときどき子供がインターネットで何をしているのか看視する、ということでしょう。

 

2.       「親がそばにいる時だけ利用できると決めているが3割に上っており」ということは決めているだけで実際に実行してはいないのでしょう。こういう意味を含めて添削のようにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Net Star Inc. conducted a survey of the Internet usage at home by elementary school girls. The survey showed that only 4% of girls used the Internet while their parents were watching them. But a survey of  parents in 2005 showed that more than 30% of parents said that they would allow their children to access the Internet while they were watching their children  There is a big difference between the frequency of the Internet usage that parents and their children recognize.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Kalo2 April 07

 

Netstar Corp. has recently conducted a survey on when elementary school girls were using the Internet at home. The survey found that only 4 percent of the girls were using the Internet just when their parents were around them. This finding showed some gaps between parents' and children's perspectives of using the Internet. In a survey conducted in 2005, about 30 percent of parents said that they allowed their children to use the Internet only when they were checking what websites their children visited.

  

添削

 

Netstar Corp. has recently conducted a survey on when how elementary school girls were using the Internet at home1. The survey found that only 4 percent of the girls were using the Internet just when their parents were nearby around them. The rest of the girls used the Internet alone2. This finding showed some gaps between parents' and children's perspectives of using the Internet.  However, Iin a survey conducted in 2005, about 30 percent of parents said that they allowed their children to use the Internet only when they were checking what websites their children visited3. These two surveys showed what parents thought about how their children were using the Internet was quite different from how their children were actually doing4.

  

コメント

 

1.       「家庭におけるインターネット利用実態調査」のように長い名詞句は、Kaloさんのように内容を具体的に説明するとやさしくなります。

 

2.       日本文には書いてありませんが、これを入れると内容がはっきりします。

 

3.       もう一つの調査結果を記述してから、両者の違いを述べたほうが内容がわかりやすいでしょう。

 

4.       ここはやはり内容を具体的に表現するとよいでしょう。A particular perspective is a particular way of thinking about something, especially one that is influenced by your beliefs or experiences (Collins COBUILD).ということなので、子供も両親もこれほど真面目にインターネットのことを考えてはいないのでないでしょうか。

 

添削後の文章

 

Netstar Corp. has recently conducted a survey on how elementary school girls were using the Internet at home. The survey found that only 4 percent of the girls were using the Internet when their parents were nearby. The rest of the girls used the Internet alone. However, in a survey conducted in 2005, about 30 percent of parents said that they allowed their children to use the Internet only when they were checking what websites their children visited. These two surveys showed what parents thought about how their children were using the Internet was quite different from how their children were actually doing.

 

 

初級練習問題 428

 

宮城県鳴子温泉の国道108号で発生した土砂崩れによる通行止めの影響が、宮城県境に近い秋田県湯沢市の秋の宮温泉郷にも広がっている。県外客が6割前後を占め、仙台や首都圏から訪れる場合、108号が主要ルートだっただけに、通行止めが客足に響いている。

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 25 December 14

 

Route 108 heading to Naruko Hot Spring Resort in Miyagi Prefecture has been closed to traffic due to landslides. The closure of the road gave negative impact on Akinomiya Hot Spring resort in Yuzawa City, Akita Prefecture, which are located near the border with Miyagi Prefecture. These hot spring resorts along route 108 have lost their customers because route 108 is the main access road for costumers who come from Tokyo and Sendai Prefectures. It should be noted that about 60% of their customers come from other prefectures.

 

添削

 

Route 108 heading to Naruko Hot Springs1 Resort in Miyagi Prefecture has been closed to traffic due to landslides. The closure of the road gave a negative impact on Akinomiya Hot Springs rResort in Yuzawa City, Akita Prefecture, which are is2 located near the border with Miyagi Prefecture. These hot spring resorts along route 108 have lost their customers because route 108 is the main access road for costumers who come from Tokyo and Sendai Prefectures. It should be noted that about 60% of their customers come from other prefectures other than their own3.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       温泉 hot springsは複数形で表現するのが普通です。

 

2.       ここでは秋の宮温泉郷だけについて言っている単数形です。

 

3.       こうしたほうがはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Route 108 heading to Naruko Hot Springs Resort in Miyagi Prefecture has been closed to traffic due to landslides. The closure of the road gave a negative impact on Akinomiya Hot Springs Resort in Yuzawa City, Akita Prefecture, which is located near the border with Miyagi Prefecture. These hot spring resorts along route 108 have lost their customers because route 108 is the main access road for costumers who come from Tokyo and Sendai. It should be noted that about 60% of their customers come from prefectures other than their own.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 25 March 11

 

The effects of a closure of Route 108 due to mudslides occurred near Naruko Hot Springs in Miyagi Prefecture are now being felt also at Akinomiya Hot Springs in Yuzawa City, Akita Prefecture near the border of the two Prefecture. The closure of Route 108 which is a main access to Akinomiya Hot Springs for visitors from Sendai or Tokyo is dealing a serious blow to the spa which depends 60% of its business on visitors from other prefectures.

 

添削

 

The effects of a closure of Route 108 due to the mudslides that occurred near Naruko Hot Springs in Miyagi Prefecture are now being felt also at Akinomiya Hot Springs in Yuzawa City, Akita Prefecture near the border of these two Prefecture. The closure of Route 108, which is a main access to Akinomiya Hot Springs for visitors from Sendai or Tokyo, is causing dealing a serious blow to the spa which depends 60% of its business on visitors from other prefectures.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

The effects of a closure of Route 108 due to the mudslides that occurred near Naruko Hot Springs in Miyagi Prefecture are now being felt also at Akinomiya Hot Springs in Yuzawa City, Akita Prefecture near the border of these two Prefecture. The closure of Route 108, which is a main access to Akinomiya Hot Springs for visitors from Sendai or Tokyo, is causing a serious blow to the spa which depends 60% of its business on visitors from other prefectures.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Speedy, 22 March 09

 

Route 108 providing access to Naruko hot spring resorts in Miyagi Prefecture has been closed down to traffic due to landslides. The closure has also affected Akinomiya Hot Spring resorts in Yuzawa City, Akita Prefecture, which are located near the Akita-Miyagi Prefectural border. It has reduced the number of visitors to Akinomiya hot spring resorts, because about 60% of visitors come from other Prefectures and route 108 is the main access route to the resorts when they come from Sendai City or Tokyo metropolitan area.

 

添削

 

Highway Route 108 providing access to Naruko hHot sSpring resorts in Miyagi Prefecture has been closed down to traffic due to landslides. The closure has also affected Akinomiya Hot Spring resorts in Yuzawa City, Akita Prefecture, which are located near the Akita-Miyagi Prefectural border. The highway closure It has reduced the number of visitors to Akinomiya hHot sSpring resorts, because about 60% of their visitors come from other Pprefectures and rRoute 108 is the main access route to the resorts for people when they come from Sendai City and or the Tokyo metropolitan area.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Highway Route 108 providing access to Naruko Hot Spring resorts in Miyagi Prefecture has been closed to traffic due to landslides. The closure has also affected Akinomiya Hot Spring resorts in Yuzawa City, Akita Prefecture, which are located near the Akita-Miyagi border. The highway closure has reduced the number of visitors to Akinomiya Hot Spring resorts because about 60% of their visitors come from other prefectures and Route 108 is the main access route to the resorts for people from Sendai City and the Tokyo metropolitan area.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(岩ちゃん、16 June 08

 

Route 108 was closed to vehicular traffic due to landslides which occurred on Route 108 leading on to Naruko hot spring resort in Miyagi Prefecture. This greatly affected Akinomiya hot spring resort in Akita Prefecture's Yuzawa City near Miyagi prefectural border. About 60% of visitors come to the resort from other prefectures. When visitors visit the resort from Sendai City or the metropolitan area, Route 108 is a main route leading on to the resort for them. Blocked Route 108 lost customers.

 

添削

 

Route 108 was has been closed1 to vehicular traffic due to landslides which occurred on Route 108 leading on to Naruko hHot sSprings resort in Miyagi Prefecture. This greatly affected Akinomiya hHot sSpring resort in Yuzawa City , Akita Prefecture's Yuzawa City near the Akita-Miyagi prefectural border. About 60% of visitors to Akinomiya Hot Springs come to the resort from other prefectures. When For visitors visit the resort from Sendai City and the or the Tokyo metropolitan area, Route 108 is a main route leading on to the resort for them. The Bblocked Route 108 is losing lost customers for the resort2.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       現在までずっと通行止めが続いている、とするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       loseを他動詞にして、通行止めの108号線はリゾートの客足を落としている、とするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Route 108 has been closed to traffic due to landslides which occurred on Route 108 leading  to Naruko Hot Springs in Miyagi Prefecture. This greatly affected Akinomiya Hot Spring in Yuzawa City, Akita Prefecture near the Akita-Miyagi prefectural border. About 60% of visitors to Akinomiya Hot Springs come t from other prefectures. For visitors from Sendai City and the  Tokyo metropolitan area, Route 108 is a main route leading on to the resort. The blocked Route 108 is losing customers for the resort.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Kalo4 April 07

 

Route 108 near the Naruko spa area in Miyagi Prefecture has been closed to traffic due to a landslide. The road extends to the Akinomiya spa area in Yuzawa City, Akita Prefecture close to the border with Miyagi Prefecture. So, the closure of the traffic is now affecting the number of visitors to the Akinomiya spa area. Route 108 is a major route for visitors who come from the Sendai area in Miyagi Prefecture and the Tokyo metropolitan area. As these visitors account for about 60 percent of the total number of visitors, hotels and inns in the spa is concerned about a decline in sales.

 

添削

 

Route 108 near the Naruko Hot Springs1 spa area in Miyagi Prefecture has been closed to traffic due to a landslide. The road extends to the Akinomiya spa area in Yuzawa City, Akita Prefecture close to the border with Miyagi Prefecture. So, Tthe closure of Route 108 the traffic is now also affecting the number of visitors to the Akinomiya Hot Springs that are located on the other side of the prefectural border in Yuzawa City, Miyagi Prefecture2 spa area. Route 108 is a major route to Akinomiya Hot Springs for visitors who come from the Sendai area in Miyagi Prefecture and the Tokyo metropolitan area3. As these visitors account for about 60 percent of the total number of visitors, hotels and inns in the spa Akinomiya Hot Springs are afraid of is concerned about a decline in sales.

 

コメント

 

1.       鳴子温泉はNaruko Hot Springsと複数で表現して、日本語の温泉郷全体を指します。

 

2.       地名が多い文章でその上、鳴子温泉と秋の宮温泉のうち後者が主体になる文章なので、地名を混乱なく表現することが大切になりますね。ここは添削のようにするとすこしわかりやすくなるでしょう。on the other side of the prefectural borderで108号線はここに続いていると読者にわかってもらいます。

 

3.       Sendai, Tokyoと簡単に表現してよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Route 108 near Naruko Hot Springs in Miyagi Prefecture has been closed to traffic due to a landslide. The closure of Route 108 is also affecting the number of visitors to Akinomiya Hot Springs that are located on the other side of the prefectural border in Yuzawa City, Miyagi Prefecture. Route 108 is a major route to Akinomiya Hot Springs for visitors from Sendai Tokyo. As these visitors account for about 60 percent of the total number of visitors, hotels and inns in Akinomiya Hot Springs are afraid of a decline in sales.

 

 

初級練習問題 429

 

父の店が商店街にあり、その近くに小学校があります。父は店に出勤するときに小学生とすれ違うことがあるそうです。先日、小学生が父に「おはようございます」と挨拶したので、父も「おはよう」と答えたそうです。すると、たまたまそれを見ていた先生が「知らない人に挨拶してはいけません」と言ったそうです。私は父からこの話を聞いて先生の反応に驚きました。皆さんはどう思いますか?

 

子供を守ろうと思ったら、「知らない人と口をきかない」と教える。これが今の常識です。どこの誰かは知らなくても、毎日あいさつして親しくなったら「知らない人」ではないからとついていってしまうという危険もあります。今の世の中では先生が正しいです。

 

読者からの投稿 8(だっち、5 July 16

 

My father’s shop is located in the shopping area and near an elementary school, so he often comes across students in his commute. One day, a student in the school said to him, “Good morning”, so he also said to the student “Good morning.” A teacher seeing the communication, however, told the student not to communicate with strangers. I was surprised to hear my father’s episode and disappointed with the teacher’s educational guidance. What do you think of this situation?

 

Nowadays, it might be a common sense that we should tell children to ignore with strangers in order to save themselves. The reason might be that it is risky for children to follow people interacting with each other every day and to think that he or she is no longer a stranger.

 

添削

Question:1

My father’s shop is located in the shopping area and near an elementary school, so he often comes across students pupils when he goes to his shop2 in his commute. One day, a student pupil of in the school said to him, “Good morning”, so he also said to the pupil student “Good morning.” A teacher seeing the conversation communication, however, told the pupil student not to talk to communicate with a strangers. I was surprised to hear the episode from my father’s episode and disappointed with the teacher’s educational guidance. What do you think of this episode3 situation?

 

Answer:1

Nowadays, it is might be4 a common sense that we should tell children to ignore with a strangers in order to protect save themselves. The reason might is be that it is risky for children to talk with the same stranger follow people interacting with each other every day and to think that he or she is no longer a stranger.

 

コメント

 

for children to follow people interacting with each other every dayのところがわかりませんが、他はすべてわかります。

 

1.       日本文にはありませんが、こうすると文章の構造がわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       文章の他の部分に合わせて口語調にするとよいでしょう。

 

3.       既述の言葉を使います。

 

4.       日本文は「これが今の常識です。」と断定しています。Might beでは内容が曖昧になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Question:

My father’s shop is located in the shopping area near an elementary school, so he often comes across pupils when he goes to his shop. One day, a pupil of the school said to him, “Good morning”, so he also said to the pupil “Good morning.” A teacher seeing the conversation, however, told the pupil not to talk to a stranger. I was surprised to hear the episode from my father and disappointed with the teacher’s educational guidance. What do you think of this episode ?

 

Answer:

Nowadays, it is a common sense that we should tell children to ignore a stranger in order to protect themselves. The reason is that it is risky for children to talk with the same stranger   every day and to think that he or she is no longer a stranger.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(Lucca, 7 January 15

 

My father told me an interesting story recently. Every morning, he walks past primary school children on the way to work because he runs a shop in a shopping area near a primary school. The other day, as a school child said "Good morning" to my father, he answered the child's greetings. A school teacher happened to listen to their exchanges and warned the child saying, "Don't talk to strangers". The teacher's words surprised me. What do you think about the teachers's reaction?

 

In my opinion, the teacher's reaction is sensible by today's standard. It is common for parents to tell their children not to talk to strangers as a precaution to protect the children against any kind of crimes. A child becomes acquainted with a stranger by exchanging greetings every morning even though the child doesn’t know anything about the stranger. The child may believe what the stranger says because the stranger is already an acquaintance of the child. Under the circumstances, I agree with the precaution taken by teacher.

 

添削

 

Question1:

 

My father told me an interesting story recently. Every morning, he walks past primary school children on the his way to work because he runs a shop in a shopping area near a primary school. The other day, when as a school child said, "Good morning," to my father, he answered, “Good morning.” the child's greetings. A school teacher happened to be listening to their greetings exchanges and warned the child  saying, "Don't talk to a strangers". The teacher's reaction words surprised me. What do you think about it2 the teachers's reaction?

 

Answer:

 

In my opinion, the teacher's reaction is was sensible by today's standard. It is common for parents to tell their children not to talk to a strangers as a precaution to protect their children against any kind of crimes. A child becomes acquainted with a stranger by exchanging greetings every morning even though the child doesn’t know anything about the stranger. The child may believe what the stranger says because the stranger is already an acquaintance of the child. Under the circumstances In today’s society3, I agree with the precaution taken by the teacher.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       日本文にはありませんが、このようにすると問いと答えがはっきりします。

 

2.       Itの指すものがすぐ前の文にあるので、このほうが簡潔です。

 

3.       Under the circumstanceとすると、「ある特別な事情のもとでは」という感じになります。ここでは現在の日本社会全体の風潮をいっているので、添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Question:

 

My father told me an interesting story recently. Every morning, he walks past primary school children on his way to work because he runs a shop in a shopping area near a primary school. The other day, when a school child said, "Good morning," to my father, he answered, “Good morning.” A school teacher happened to be listening to their greetings and warned the child , "Don't talk to a stranger". The teacher's reaction surprised me. What do you think about it ?

 

Answer:

 

In my opinion, the teacher's reaction was sensible by today's standard. It is common for parents to tell their children not to talk to a stranger as a precaution to protect their children against any kind of crime. A child becomes acquainted with a stranger by exchanging greetings every morning even though the child doesn’t know anything about the stranger. The child may believe what the stranger says because the stranger is already an acquaintance of the child. In today’s society, I agree with the precaution taken by the teacher.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(OKEN, 5 September 12

 

My father’s shop is in a mall, and an elementary school is near the mall. He told me the following story; When he goes to work at the shop, he sometimes sees some elementary school pupils passing. The other day, one of them said to him “Good morning.” and he replied “Good morning.” At the time, a teacher who happened to see the scene said to the pupil “Don’t greet someone you don’t know.” When I heard his story, I was surprised at the teacher’s reaction. How do you feel about it? If you want to protect your children, you should say to them “Don’t speak someone you don’t know.” This is the common sense now. If children always greet a person they don’t know, they can be friendly with the person. Then, there would be danger that they might follow the person because they know him/her. In today’s society, the teacher’s suggestion is right.

 

添削

 

Question:1

 

My father’s shop is in a mall, and an elementary school is near the mall. My father He told me the following story;. When he goes to work at the shop, he sometimes sees some elementary school pupils passing by him. The other day, one of them said to him ,“Good morning,.” and my father he replied, “Good morning.” Then, At the time, a teacher who happened to see the scene told said to the pupil, “Don’t greet someone you don’t know.” When I heard this his story, I was surprised at the teacher’s reaction. How do you feel about it?

 

Answer:

 

If you want to protect your children, you should say tell to them, “Don’t speak to anyone someone you don’t know.” This is the common sense now. If children always greet a person whom2 they don’t know, they can become friendly with the person. Then, there would be danger that they might follow the person because they know him/her. In today’s society, the teacher’s suggestion response is right.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       質問と回答をはっきりさせるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       “Don’t speak to anyone (whom) you don’t know.”は口語体のでwhomは省略しますが、ここは文語体なのでwhomを入れます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Question:

 

My father’s shop is in a mall, and an elementary school is near the mall. My father told me the following story. When he goes to work at the shop, he sometimes sees some elementary school pupils passing by him. The other day, one of them said to him ,“Good morning,” and my father replied, “Good morning.” Then, a teacher who happened to see the scene told the pupil, “Don’t greet someone you don’t know.” When I heard this story, I was surprised at the teacher’s reaction. How do you feel about it?

 

Answer:

 

If you want to protect your children, you should tell them, “Don’t speak to anyone you don’t know.” This is the common sense now. If children always greet a person whom they don’t know, they can become friendly with the person. Then, there would be danger that they might follow the person because they know him/her. In today’s society, the teacher’s response is right.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 28 March 11

 

There is an elementary school near my father’s store in a shopping mall. He sometimes comes across the school kids on his way to his store. The other day, one of them said “good morning” to him and he returned a greeting. A teacher of the school who happened to be there and see this interaction told the kid not to say hello to strangers. When I heard this story from my father, I was surprised at the teacher’s response. What do you think?

 

If you are to protect children from any criminal conduct, tell them never to speak to strangers. This is a measure commonly practiced today. Exchanges of everyday greeting can develop a fallacy on children’s part that they know the stranger very well despite they know nothing about him. The fallacy will help increase the risk of kids’ casually following a malicious stranger. Very sad, but viewed in terms of society today, I think the teacher is right.

 

添削

Question1:

There is an elementary school near my father’s store in a shopping mall. He sometimes comes across the school kids on his way to his store. The other day, one of them said “good morning” to him my father and he returned a greeting. A teacher of the school who happened to be there saw and see this interaction and told the kid not to say hello to a strangers. When I heard this story from my father, I was surprised at the teacher’s response. What do you think?

 

Answer:

The teacher was right2. If you are to protect children from any criminal conduct, tell them never to speak to a strangers. This is a measure commonly practiced today. Exchangesing of everyday greetings with a stranger can develop a fallacy on child’s children’s part that he or she they knows the stranger very well despite he or she they knows nothing about the stranger him. Theis kind of3 fallacy will help increase the risk of kids’ casually following a malicious stranger. Very sad, but viewed in terms of society today, I think the teacher was is right.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       Question/Answerと入れておけばわかりやすくなるでしょう。

 

2.       こう断言してから理由を説明すると効果的でしょう。

 

3.       上の事例ではなく一般的なこととすると良いでしょう。a malicious strangerの不定冠詞と照合します。

 

添削後の文章

 

Question:

There is an elementary school near my father’s store in a shopping mall. He sometimes comes across school kids on his way to his store. The other day, one of them said “good morning” to my father and he returned a greeting. A teacher of the school who happened to be there saw this interaction and told the kid not to say hello to a stranger. When I heard this story from my father, I was surprised at the teacher’s response. What do you think?

 

Answer:

The teacher was right. If you are to protect children from any criminal conduct, tell them never  speak to a stranger. This is a measure commonly practiced today. Exchanging everyday greetings with a stranger can develop a fallacy on child’s part that he or she knows the stranger well despite he or she knows nothing about the stranger. This kind of fallacy will  increase the risk of kid’ casually following a malicious stranger. Very sad, but in society today, I think the teacher was right.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Speedy, 26 March 09

 

My father's store is located in the shopping area near the elementary school. When my father goes to his store in the morning, he sometimes encounters elementary school pupils walking to the school. The other day, one of the pupils said to my father "Good morning" and my father answered to the pupil "Good morning." A teacher who happened to see the pupil and my father exchanging morning greetings told his pupil "Don't talk to a stranger." When my father told me about the story, I was surprised at the teacher's reaction. How do you think of this episode? Today's common sense is that adults teach their children not to talk to a stranger in order to protect them. If a child greets a stranger every morning, the child gets acquainted with the stranger even though the child doesn’t know anything about the stranger. It may accompany a risk that the child follows him, because the stranger is no longer a “stranger”. Therefore, the teacher's reaction is correct by today’s standard.

 

添削

 

My father's store is located in the shopping area near the an elementary school. When my father goes to his store in the morning, he sometimes encounters elementary school pupils walking to the school. The other day, one of the pupils said to my father, "Good morning.", and my father answered to the pupil, "Good morning." A teacher of the school1 who happened to see the pupil and my father exchanging morning greetings told his the2 pupil, "Don't talk to a stranger."

 

When my father told me about the this story, I was surprised at the teacher's reaction. How What3 do you think of this episode? Today's common sense is that adults parents teach their children not to talk to a stranger in order to protect them. If a child greets a stranger every morning, the child gets acquainted with the stranger even though the child doesn’t know anything about the stranger. This It may lead to accompany a risk that one day the child follows him, because the stranger is no longer a “stranger”. Therefore, the teacher's reaction is correct by today’s standard.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容が総てわかります。読みやすい英語です。

 

1.       A teacher of the schoolとしたほうが話が具体的になります。

 

2.       his pupilとすると、この先生の受け持ちのクラスの生徒、といった意味になります。the pupil その場にいた生徒、のほうがよいでしょう。

 

3.       What do you think about it? How do you feel about it?となります。

 

添削後の文章

 

My father's store is located in the shopping area near an elementary school. When my father goes to his store in the morning, he sometimes encounters elementary school pupils walking to the school. The other day, one of the pupils said to my father, "Good morning.", and my father answered to the pupil, "Good morning." A teacher of the school who happened to see the pupil and my father exchanging morning greetings told the pupil, "Don't talk to a stranger."

 

When my father told me about this story, I was surprised at the teacher's reaction. What do you think of this episode? Today's common sense is that parents teach their children not to talk to a stranger in order to protect them. If a child greets a stranger every morning, the child gets acquainted with the stranger even though the child doesn’t know anything about the stranger. This may lead to a risk that one day the child follows him, because the stranger is no longer a “stranger”. Therefore, the teacher's reaction is correct by today’s standard.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、17 June 08

 

There is my father's store in a shopping street near an elementary school. When my father goes to his store, he sometimes sees elementary school pupils. An elementary school pupil said to my father the other day, "Good morning." Therefore, my father answered to him, "Good morning." As his teacher happened to see my father and him, he said to his pupil "Don't greet a stranger." When I listened to this story from my father, I was surprised at the teacher's attitude. What do you think?

 

To guard children, today's common sense is that adults tell their children not to talk to strangers. If children greet a stranger every morning, they will become intimate with him. Then, there is a danger that children follow to a stranger. Therefore, the teacher's thought is right today.

 

添削

 

There is mMy father's store is located on1 in a the shopping street near an elementary school. When my father goes to his store in the morning, he sometimes sees elementary school pupils walking to the school. The other day, one of the pupils An elementary school pupil said to my father the other day, "Good morning." Naturally Therefore, my father answered to him, "Good morning." As2 hHis teacher happened to see the pupil and my father exchanging morning greetings and him,. The teacher told said to his pupil, "Don't talk to greet a stranger." When I listened to this story from my father told me the story, I was surprised at the teacher's attitude response. What do you think of it?

 

To guard children, today's common sense is that adults tell their children not to talk to strangers. If a children3 greets a stranger every morning, the stranger they will become intimate familiar to with him. Then, there is a danger that the children follows to a the stranger. Therefore, the teacher's thought response is right today.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       一般的に、There is ~. の構造よりA does B.の構造のほうが内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       時間の順序を追うだけで因果関係がわかりますから、asは要りません。

 

3.       単数形で例を説明したほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

My father's store is located on the shopping street near an elementary school. When my father goes to his store in the morning, he sometimes sees elementary school pupils walking to the school. The other day, one of the pupils said to my father, "Good morning." Naturally, my father answered to him, "Good morning." His teacher happened to see the pupil and my father exchanging morning greetings. The teacher told his pupil, "Don't talk to a stranger." When my father told me the story, I was surprised at the teacher's response. What do you think of it?

 

To guard children, today's common sense is that adults tell their children not to talk to strangers. If a child greets a stranger every morning, the stranger will become familiar to him. Then, there is a danger that the child follows the stranger. Therefore, the teacher's response is right today.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo6 April 07

 

This is a story my father told me the other day. He runs a shop in a shopping mall near an elementary school. One day, on his way to the shop, he saw some elementary school students going to school. When one student said to him, "Good Morning," he replied, "Good Morning, too." My father, then, heard the teacher who had happened to see the greetings telling the student that she or he should not talk to a stranger. I was surprised at the teacher saying so. Do you agree with the teacher?

 

Parents and teachers used to tell children to exchange greetings even when they meet strangers. But now this seems to be disapproved. To protect children, parents and teachers are telling children never to talk to strangers. This is a common practice. Children may follow strangers, saying that they are not strangers because they greet each other everyday. This will encourage children to get involved in crimes, so I agree with the teacher.

 

添削

 

This is a story my father told me the other day. He runs a shop in a shopping mall near an elementary school. One day, on his way to the shop, he saw met some elementary school students going to school1. When one student said to him, "Good Morning," he replied, "Good Morning, too." My father, then, heard the teacher who had2 happened to see the greetings telling3 the student that she or he should 4 not talk to a stranger. I was surprised at the teacher’s reaction saying so. What do you think5 Do you agree with the teacher?

 

Parents and teachers used to tell children to exchange greetings even when they meet people, even with strangers6. But now this seems to be disapproved. To protect children, parents and teachers are telling children never to talk to strangers. This is a common practice. Children may follow strangers, saying thinking that they are not really strangers because they exchange greetings greet each other everyday,. and fall victim to a crime. This will encourage children to get involved in crimes7, sSo, I agree with what the teacher did.

 

コメント

 

1.       「父は店に出勤するときに小学生とすれ違うことがあるそうです。」を次の文の内容とつながるように「先日、父は店に出勤するときに小学生とすれ違った。」と言い換えていますね。saw themはこの父と小学生の間に距離がある感じなので、met themのほうが「すれ違った」と距離が近くなるでしょう。

 

2.       正確な時間的な経緯は、先生が生徒が挨拶するのを見てからこの生徒を叱った、となりますが、時間的な経緯が大事な内容ではないので、添削のようにするのがよいでしょう。

 

3.       he heard the teacher telling the student ~he heard the teacher tell the student ~の違いは、前者が「先生が生徒を叱っているのを聞いた」と現時進行中の動作を聞く、ことに重点があり、後者は「先生が生徒を叱るのを聞いた」と「叱る」という行為に重点をおきます。この例題では、特に前者にする必要がないので、後者を取りました。

 

4.       not to talk to a strangerはこの句の前がhe heard the teacher tell the studentと簡潔な文型なので、それに合わせました。

 

5.       Do you agree with the teacher?だけですと、「先生の(意見に)同意しますか?」となります。文章には先生の行為はでてきますが、意見は出てこないので、Do you agree with what the teacher did?または添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

 

6.       even when ~は「たとえ〜のときでも」ですね。すると「通常は勿論のこと、たとえ〜のときでも」という構文の一部になるので、添削のように「通常はもちろんのこと」の内容を入れる必要があります。

 

7.       Collins COBUILDencourageを次のように説明しています。If you encourage someone to do something, you try to persuade them to do it.するとThis will encourage children to get involved in crimes.は困った内容になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

This is a story my father told me the other day. He runs a shop in a shopping mall near an elementary school. One day, on his way to the shop, he met some elementary school students going to school. When one student said to him, "Good Morning," he replied, "Good Morning”, too. My father, then, heard the teacher who happened to see the greetings tell the student not talk to a stranger. I was surprised at the teacher’s reaction. What do you think?

 

Parents and teachers used to tell children to exchange greetings when they meet people, even with strangers. But now this seems to be disapproved. To protect children, parents and teachers are telling children never to talk to strangers. This is a common practice. Children may follow strangers, thinking that they are not really strangers because they exchange greetings everyday, and fall victim to a crime. So, I agree with what the teacher did.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(あすか、2 April 07

 

There is an elementary school near my father's store in a mall. My father told me that when he goes to work, he often passes some elementary school children on the road. One day, a child said to him, "Good Morning, " and he replied as well. Then a teacher who happened to hear their conversation told the child that he shouldn't talk to a stranger. I was surprised to hear that story from my father why teachers discipline that children shouldn't greet or talk to someone on the street. What do you think of this?

 

School teachers say to the children's parents, if you want to protect your children, you will tell them "Do not talk to strangers." This is now common sense all over the countries because your child actually don't know who a stranger is, they keep greeting every day, they become familiar with each other, someday your child may go with strangers. I realised that school teachers are always right in these days.

 

添削

 

There is an elementary school near my father's store in a shopping mall. My father told me that wWhen my father he goes to work every morning, he often meets passes some elementary school children on their way to school road1. One The other day, a one of school children said to him, "Good Morning, " and he replied good morning too as well. Then, a teacher at the school who happened to hear their conversations told the child that he shouldn't talk to a stranger. I was surprised to hear that story from my father. wWhy should teachers discipline that children not to exchange greetings with strangers shouldn't greet or talk to someone on the street.?2 What do you think of this?

 

School teachers say to the children's parents, iIf you want to protect your children, you will tell them, "Do not talk to strangers." This is now common sense3. all over the countries because your child actually don't know who a stranger is, If they your children keep exchanging greetings with strangers every day, they your children become familiar with the strangers each other and may no longer regard them as strangers., sSomeday your children may go follow the with strangers. I realised that school teachers are always right in these days. I think that the teacher was right4.

 

コメント

1.       ここまでは現在形で記述して、My father told meを省略して次の文に続けるとよいでしょう。 meetはこの場合「見かける」の意味になります。

 

2.       I was surprised to hear that story from my father why should ~の文ではすでに驚いた理由がto hear that from my fatherと説明してあるので、そのあとにwhy should ~と文はつながりません。ここから独立の文にします。ここでは先生は出さないでIf you want to ~と始めるのがよいでしょう。

 

3.       because以下の文が長いので、ここはThis is now common sense. と言い切るとよいでしょう。

 

4.       「今の世の中では先生が正しいです。」は「今の世の中では(こどもに知らない人に挨拶してはいけないということは)先生が正しいです。」という意味でしょう。先生が投稿のようですとよいのですが。

 

添削後の文章

 

There is an elementary school near my father's store in a shopping mall. When my father  goes to work every morning, he often meets some elementary school children on their way to school. The other day, one of school children said to him, "Good Morning, " and he replied good morning too. Then, a teacher at the school who happened to hear their conversations told the child that he shouldn't talk to a stranger. I was surprised to hear that story from my father. Why should teachers discipline children not to exchange greetings with strangers on the street?  What do you think?

 

If you want to protect your children, you will tell them, "Do not talk to strangers." This is now common sense. If your children keep exchanging greetings with strangers every day, your children become familiar with the strangers and may no longer regard them as strangers. Someday your children may follow the strangers. I think that the teacher was right.

 

 

初級練習問題 430

 

2月17日日午後11時ごろ横浜駅東口近くを流れる帷子川で女性がおぼれていると、110番通報があった。近くの交番から急行した警官はヘルメットやオーバーオールを着用していたが、構わず約5メートル下の川へ飛び込んだ。直後に横浜警察署から駆け付けた2名の警官も次々と川へ飛び込み女性を救助した。

 

読者からの投稿 6(だっち、2 July 16

 

On February 17th 11pm, someone called the 110 emergency call to notify that a woman was drowning in Boshi River near Yokohama Station East Exit. A policeman working for a police box near there rushed to the scene to rescue her. On arriving there, he dived into the river, which is about five meter below from the ground, nevertheless he was wearing a helmet and overall. Soon after that, two policemen from the Yokohama Department of Police consecutively dived to the river and rescued her.

 

添削

 

About 11pm Oon February 17th 11pm, someone called the 110 emergency call to tell notify that a woman was drowning in the Boshi River near Yokohama Station East Exit. A policeman working at for a police box near the river there rushed to the scene to rescue her. On arriving there, he dived into the river, which was1 is about five meters below from the ground,. nevertheless hHe was still wearing his a helmet and overall. Soon after that, two policemen from the Yokohama Department of Police arrived and consecutively also dived into the river and rescued her.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       過去の出来事なので、過去形で統一します(日本人にはなかなか納得できない英語の癖です)。

 

添削後の文章

 

About 11pm on February 17th, someone called the 110 emergency call to tell that a woman was drowning in the Boshi River near Yokohama Station East Exit. A policeman working at a police box near the river rushed to the scene to rescue her. On arriving there, he dived into the river, which was about five meters below the ground. He was still wearing his helmet and overall. Soon after that, two policemen from the Yokohama Department of Police arrived and  also dived into the river and rescued her.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 7 January 15

 

Around 11:00 a.m. on February 17, the police headquarters in Kanagawa received an emergency call for help that a woman was drowning in Katabira River near the east exit of Yokohama Station. After the call, a policeman coming from a nearby the police station rushed to the site. While he worn his helmet and overall, he jumped into the river which was five meters below the street, followed by two other policemen coming from the Yokohama Police Station. The woman was finally rescued by three policemen.

 

添削

 

About Around 11:00 a.m. on February 17, the police headquarters in the Kanagawa prefecture received an emergency call for help that a woman was drowning in the Katabira River near the east exit of Yokohama Station. After the call, a policeman coming from a nearby the police station rushed to the site. Without bothering to take off1 While he worn his helmet and overall, the policeman he jumped into the river which was five meters below the street, followed by two other policemen coming from the Yokohama Police Station. The woman was finally rescued by these three policemen.

 

コメント

 

While he worn his helmet and overallの所が分かり難いですが、文章全体の内容はわかります。

 

1.       投稿のままですと、この警察官がヘルメットとオーバーロールを身につける動作をしながら、川の飛び込んだ、というようにもとれます。

 

添削後の文章

 

About 11:00 a.m. on February 17, the police headquarters in the Kanagawa prefecture received an emergency call for help that a woman was drowning in the Katabira River near the east exit of Yokohama Station. After the call, a policeman from a nearby police station rushed to the site. Without bothering to take off his helmet and overall, the policeman  jumped into the river which was five meters below the street, followed by two other policemen coming from the Yokohama Police Station. The woman was rescued by these policemen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 3 April 11

 

There was an emergency call to police reporting that a woman was drowning in the Katabira River, near the east exit of Yokohama Station around 11:00 p.m. on February 17. A police officer who rushed to the scene from a nearby police box jumped five meters down into the river with his hard hat and overall on. He was momentarily followed by another two officers from Yokohama Police Station who jumped into the river one after another. They successfully rescued the women.

 

添削

 

Around 11:00 pm on February 17, Tthere was an emergency call to the police reporting that a woman was drowning in the Katabira River, near the east exit of Yokohama Station around 11:00 p.m. on February 17. A police officer who rushed to the scene from a nearby police box and jumped five meters down into the river with his hard hat and overall on. He was momentarily followed by another two more officers from the Yokohama Police Station who also jumped into the river one after another. They successfully rescued the women.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 11:00 pm on February 17, there was an emergency call to the police reporting that a woman was drowning in the Katabira River, near the east exit of Yokohama Station. A police officer rushed to the scene from a nearby police box and jumped five meters down into the river with his hard hat and overall on. He was momentarily followed by two more officers from the Yokohama Police Station who also jumped into the river one after another. They successfully rescued the women.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Speedy, 31 March 09

 

Around 11:00 a.m. on February 17, someone informed the police using emergency number 110 that a woman was drowning in the Katabira River near the east exit of Yokohama Station.  While the river was five meters below, a policeman coming from a nearby police station jumped into the river without taking off his helmet and overall. Two other policemen from the Yokohama Police Station who arrived at the site later also jumped into the river one after another. The woman was rescued.

 

添削

 

Around 11:00 a.m. on February 17, someone informed phoned the police via the using emergency number 110 that a woman was drowning in the Katabira River near the east exit of Yokohama Station.  While the river was five meters below the street, a policeman coming from a nearby police station jumped into the river without taking off his helmet and or1 overall. Two other policemen from the Yokohama Police Station who arrived at the site later next2 also jumped into the river one after another. The three policemen rescued Tthe woman was rescued.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。事件の時系列がよくわかります。

 

1.       ヘルメットもオーバーの脱がないで、without taking off his helmet and overallですが、without taking off his helmet or overallとしたほうが差し迫った感じがでます。

 

2.       immediately after the first policeman arrivedとすれば正確ですが、添削のようにnextでも文脈から意味がわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 11:00 a.m. on February 17, someone phoned the police via the emergency number 110 that a woman was drowning in the Katabira River near the east exit of Yokohama Station.  While the river was five meters below the street, a policeman coming from a nearby police station jumped into the river without taking off his helmet or overall. Two other policemen from the Yokohama Police Station who arrived at the site next also jumped into the river one after another. The three policemen rescued the woman .

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(岩ちゃん、18 June 08

 

Around 11:00 a.m. on February 17, someone informed a police station of a drowning woman in the Tobariko River near the east exit in Yokohama Station. A policeman hurried there from a police station near the station. He jumped into the river which was about 5 meters below the street though he wore a helmet and overall. Other two policemen from the Yokohama Police Station came to the river soon after he jumped. They jumped into the river to save her. She was safely saved.

 

添削

 

Around 11:00 a.m. on February 17, someone informed phoned the a police station1 of a drowning woman in the Tobariko Katabira River near the east exit of in Yokohama Station. A policeman hurried there from a police station near the railway station. He immediately jumped into the river which was about 5 meters below the street though without bothering taking off2 his he wore a helmet and overall. Other tTwo other policemen from the Yokohama Police Station came to the river soon after and also he jumped. They jumped into the river to rescue the woman save her. She was safely rescued saved.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       119番通報でしょうからthe policeと警察一般にするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       このような説明をいれると「衣服を着たままでは泳ぐのが難しいのに、その時間も惜しんで」という言外の意味がよく伝わるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 11:00 a.m. on February 17, someone phoned the police of a drowning woman in the Katabira River near the east exit of Yokohama Station. A policeman hurried there from a police station near the railway station. He immediately jumped into the river which was about 5 meters below the street without bothering taking off his helmet and overall. Two other policemen from the Yokohama Police Station came to the river soon after and also jumped into the river to rescue the woman. She was safely rescued.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(あすか、5 April 07

 

Around 11:00 p.m. on February 17, the Kanagawa Police Headquarters received an emergency call for help a drowning woman in The Katabira River near the east exit of Yokohama Rail Station in Kanagawa Prefecture, Japan. A policeman, who are from a 'Koban' office near the accident location, which is located mainly in towns and are 24 hours open, came to rescue of the drowning woman and jumped into The Katabira River at five meters below, wearing in working clothe and helmet. Right after that, another two policemen from Yokohama Police Station, dived into the river and rescued the the drowning woman.

 

添削

 

Around 11:00 p.m. on February 17, the Kanagawa Police Headquarters received an emergency call that1 for help a drowning woman was drowning in Tthe Katabira River near the east exit of Yokohama Rail Station in Kanagawa Prefecture, Japan. A policeman, who are from a nearby 'Koban' (a small police station office near the accident location, which is mainly located mainly in towns and are open for 24 hours2 open), came to rescue of the drowning woman rushed to the scene3 and jumped five meters down into Tthe Katabira River at five meters below, wearing in without taking off4 his working clothe and helmet. Right after that, another two policemen from the Yokohama Police Station arrived and also, dived into the river river. The three policemen succeeded in pulling and rescued the the drowning woman out of the river.

 

コメント

 

1.       110番通報の内容を記述するのがよいでしょう。

 

2.       交番は日本独特のもので、最近は外国でも取り入れるところが出てきているそうですね。交番の説明は括弧の中ですると、文の流れがよくなります。

 

3.       事の成り行きを時間を追って一つずつ記述すると臨場感がでます。

 

4.       ここでは「オーバーオールやヘルメットを脱ぐ時間も惜しんで」ということですから、添削のようにしたほうが、このことが強調できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 11:00 p.m. on February 17, the Kanagawa Police Headquarters received an emergency call that a woman was drowning in the Katabira River near the east exit of Yokohama Rail Station in Kanagawa Prefecture. A policeman from a nearby 'Koban' (a small police station mainly located in towns and open for 24 hours) rushed to the scene and jumped five meters down into the Katabira River without taking off his working clothe and helmet. Right after that, two policemen from the Yokohama Police Station arrived and also dived into the river. The three policemen succeeded in pulling the woman out of the river.