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初級練習問題添削 391−400

 

初級練習問題 391 (16 Nov 06) (7 April 07) (19 Aug 07) (12 May 08) (24 Nov 09)

(31 Jan 11) (4 May 14)

初級練習問題 392 (16 Nov 06) (7 April 07) (22 Aug 07) (12 May 08) (26 Nov 09)

(31 Jan 11) (29 June 13) (Lucca,, 4 May 14)

初級練習問題 393 (2 March 07) (21 Aug 07) (8 Mar 08) (12 May 08) (4 June 08)

                                 (1 Dec 09) (1 Feb 11) (14 May 14)

初級練習問題 394 (6 March 07) (10 Mar 08) (12 May 08) (1 Dec 09) (1 Feb 11)

                     (20 May 14)

初級練習問題 395 (5 March 07) (21 Mar 08) (13 May 08) (3 Dec 09) (1 Feb 11)

           (20 May 14)

初級練習問題 396 (23 Nov 06) (23 Aug 07) (24 Mar 08) (14 May 08) (5 Dec 09)

(9 Feb 11) (3 Oct 12) (3 June 14)

初級練習問題 397 (23 Nov 06) (25 Aug 07) (29 Mar 08) (15 May 08) (5 Dec 09)

(9 Feb 11) (27 May 14)

初級練習問題 398 (23 Nov 06) (29 Mar 08) (15 May08) (7 Dec 09) (11 Feb 11)

(20 March 12) (10 June 14)

初級練習問題 399 (24 Nov 06) (9 April 07) (24 Aug 07) (15 May 08) (9 Dec 09)

(11 Feb 11) (14 June 14)

初級練習問題 400 (30 Jan 07) (24 Feb 07) (17 May 08) (9 Dec 09) (11 February 11)

(29 Aug 12) (21 June 14)

 

初級練習問題 391

 

植物の遺伝子の働きを調節することで花粉ができないようにする手法を、筑波大学の研究チームが開発した。この手法を活用すれば種ができないため、草花の花を長持ちさせることが出来るという。

 

読者からの投稿 7(Lucca, 4 May 14

 

A research team at Tsukuba University has succeed in developing a genetic technology that prevents plants from producing pollen. As this technology hinders the production of plants' seeds, their flowers stay blooming longer than usual.

 

添削

 

A research team at Tsukuba University has succeed in developing a genetic technology that prevents plants from producing pollen. As this technology hinders the production of plants' seeds, their flowers stay blooming longer than usual.

 

コメント

 

総ての内容がわかります。わかりやすい文章です。添削箇所はありません。

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 31 Jan 11

 

A research team at Tsukuba University has developed a method to disable the formation of pollen by regulating genes of the plants. The team says this method keeps the plants from producing seeds, thereby enabling them to keep their flowers longer than otherwise.

 

添削

 

A research team at Tsukuba University has developed a method to disable the formation of pollen by regulating genes of the plants. The team says this method keeps prevents the plants from producing seeds, thereby enabling them to keep their flowers longer than otherwise.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A research team at Tsukuba University has developed a method to disable the formation of pollen by regulating genes of the plants. The team says this method prevents the plants from producing seeds, thereby enabling them to keep their flowers longer than otherwise.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(さくら、24 November 09

 

A research team at Tsukuba University has developed a technique which inhibits development of pollen by regulating functions of genes of a plant. They say plants can keep their flowers glooming longer, since this technique prohibits seed development.

 

添削

 

A research team at Tsukuba University has developed a technique which inhibits the development of pollen by regulating controlling functions of genes of a plant. They say plants they1 can keep their flowers blooming glooming longer, since when they apply this technique to a plant and  this technique prohibits prevent the development of seeds development.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       投稿の文にはplantsthis techniqueの二つの主語があります。研究者をこの文全体の主語にすると、誰が何をするかはっきりして分かりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A research team at Tsukuba University has developed a technique which inhibits the development of pollen by controlling genes of a plant. They say they can keep flowers blooming longer when they apply this technique to a plant and prevent the development of seeds .

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、12 May 08

 

A research team in Tsukuba university developed a method that plants cannot make pollen by manipulating genes. If this method is used for flowering plants, they keep their flowers longer as they cannot make seeds.

 

添削

 

A research team in at Tsukuba uUniversity developed a gene manipulating method by which that plants cannot be made not to produce make pollen pollen by manipulating genes. If this method is used for flowering plants, they Those plants can keep their flowers blooming longer as they cannot make seeds.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てが推察できます。

 

1.       a method by which plants can be made not to produce pollenとしたほうが、a methodとその内容のつながりがよくわかるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A research team at Tsukuba University developed a gene manipulating method by which  plants can be made not to produce pollen. Those plants can keep their flowers blooming longer as they cannot make seeds.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 19 August 07

 

A research team at the University of Tsukuba has developed a new technique to prevent plants from producing pollen by manipulating plant genes. The researcher says this technique keeps flowers blooming long time because the plants can't produce seeds without pollen.

 

添削

 

A research team at the University of Tsukuba has developed a new technique to prevent plants from producing pollen by manipulating plant their genes. The researchers says this technique keeps the plants2 flowers blooming longer time because the they plants can't produce seeds without pollen1.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

2.       Collins COBUILDbloomを次のように説明しています。When a plant or tree blooms, it produces flowers. When a flower blooms, it opens.ここでは前者がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A research team at the University of Tsukuba has developed a new technique to prevent plants from producing pollen by manipulating their genes. The researchers say this technique keeps the plants blooming longer because the they can't produce seeds without pollen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(あすか、7 April 07

 

A research team at Tsukuba University developed a technique by which they could make plants not to produce pollen by controlling gene functions of plants. Using this technique, they can be prolonged the life of flowering plants because the plants can't produce seeds.

 

添削

 

A research team at Tsukuba University has1 developed a technique by which they could can make plants not to produce pollen by controlling genes functions of plants. Using this technique, they can be prolonged the life period of blooming2 of flowering plants because the plants can't produce seeds.

 

コメント

 

1.       「開発を完成した」という意味で現在完了形がよいでしょう。

 

2.       花の開花している時間を長くすることが眼目のようです。草花でも花の咲いていないときがありますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

A research team at Tsukuba University has developed a technique by which they can make plants not to produce pollen by controlling genes of plants. Using this technique, they can prolong the period of blooming of flowering plants because the plants can't produce seeds.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Hanasaki, 16 November 06

 

By controlling the function of the gene, a research team in Tsukuba University has developed a method in which plants can't produce pollens. By using this method, we can keep the flowers vivid for a longer time because they can't make seed forever.

 

添削

 

By controlling the a function in of the genes1, a research team in at2 Tsukuba University has developed a method in by which they can make plants not to can't produce pollens3. By using this method, we they can keep the flowersing plants vivid  blooming for a longer than now4 time because they the plants can't make seeds forever.

 

コメント

 

1.       多分幾つかの遺伝子を操作するのでしょう。

 

2.       筑波大学の研究チームはa research team at Tsukuba Universityと表現するのが一般で期です。

 

3.       a method in which plants can’t produce pollenとすると「ある方法の中で植物は花粉を作れない」となって意味が曖昧です。a methodは方法ですから、添削のようにa method by which they(リサーチチームの人達)can make plants not to produce pollen「その方法を使ってリサーチチームの人達は 〜」とするとよいでしょう。pollenは物質名詞で複数形になりません。花粉は小さいですか一粒一粒が見えるように思えますが、物質名詞といわれて見れば、確かに小麦粉と同じように均一なものですね。

 

4.       longerは比較級なので比較するものが必要です。

 

添削後の文章

 

By controlling a function in the genes, a research team at Tsukuba University has developed a method by which they can make plants not to produce pollen. By using this method, they can keep flowering plants blooming longer than now because the plants can't make seeds .

 

 

初級練習問題 392

 

鹿児島出身ではないが、鹿児島の方言や風習を熱心に学んでいる女性のグループがある。鹿児島市が企画した講座に出席している転勤族の奥さんたちだ。講座では歴史や方言はもちろん、さつま揚げなどの郷土料理の調理にも取り組んでいる。

 

読者からの投稿 8(Lucca, 4 May 14

 

A group of women, who are not original from Kagoshima, is actively learning local dialect and custom in the classes organized by Kagoshima City. They are the wives of businessmen who are assigned to work here by their companies. The city helps them to learn not only local history and dialect but also traditional local cooking such as deepfried minced fish and vegetables called Satsuma-age.

 

添削

 

A group of women, who are not originally from Kagoshima, are1 is actively learning the local dialect and custom in the classes organized by Kagoshima City. They are the wives of businessmen who are assigned to work here by their companies. The city helps them to learn not only the2 local history and dialect but also traditional local cooking such as deepfried minced fish and vegetables called Satsuma-age.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

この文脈ではA group of womenwomenのほうに重点を置いて複数にするとよいでしょう。

 

ここから後の名詞全部に懸かります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A group of women, who are not originally from Kagoshima, are actively learning the local dialect and custom in the classes organized by Kagoshima City. They are the wives of businessmen who are assigned to work here by their companies. The city helps them to learn not only the local history and dialect but also traditional local cooking such as deepfried minced fish and vegetables called Satsuma-age.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(OKEN, 29 June 13

 

A group of women not from Kagoshima Prefecture are studying dialect and custom of Kagoshima with intensity. They are relocated salaried worker’s wives who are taking a course set up by Kagoshima City. The course deals with not only dialect and custom , but also cooking of local dishes, such as Satsuma-age.

 

添削

 

A group of women not from Kagoshima Prefecture are studying the dialect and custom of Kagoshima enthusiastically with intensity. They are the wives of relocated salaried worker’s transferred to Kagoshima Prefecture wives who are taking a course set up by Kagoshima City. The course deals with not only the dialect and custom , but also cooking of local dishes, such as Satsuma-age.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A group of women not from Kagoshima Prefecture are studying the dialect and custom of Kagoshima enthusiastically. They are the wives of salaried worker transferred to Kagoshima Prefecture who are taking a course set up by Kagoshima City. The course deals with not only the dialect and custom, but also cooking of local dishes, such as Satsuma-age.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 31 January 11

 

There has been a group of women avidly studying the dialects and customs of Kagoshima Prefecture. They are not from the prefecture but came there as their husbands were transferred. They have been attending a course of lectures offered by the City of Kagoshima. The lectures offered include not only the history and dialects but also how to prepare local dishes such as famous Satsumaage (fried fish balls).

 

添削

 

There is1 has been a group of women avidly studying the dialects and customs of Kagoshima Prefecture. They are not from the prefecture but came there as their husbands were transferred. They have been attending a courses of lectures offered by the City of Kagoshima. The courses lectures offered include not only the local history and dialects but also how to prepare local dishes such as famous Satsumaage (fried fish balls).

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       単純現在形でよいです。この講座を続けて受講しているということは後にでてくる文でわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

There is a group of women avidly studying the dialects and customs of Kagoshima Prefecture. They are not from the prefecture but came there as their husbands were transferred. They have been attending courses offered by the City of Kagoshima. The courses offered include not only the local history and dialects but also how to prepare local dishes such as famous Satsumaage (fried fish balls).

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(さくら、26 November 09

 

There is a female group of which members are not from Kagoshima Prefecture, but eager to study about the custom and dialect in Kagoshima. Their husbands have been transferred to Kagoshima. The wives attend some courses organized by Kagoshima City office and learn not only the history and dialects in the region but also hot to cook local dishes such as “Satsuma-age”, a steamed fish paste.

 

添削

 

There is a female group of women which who were not born in members are not from Kagoshima Prefecture, but are eagerly to studying about the customs and dialect in of Kagoshima Prefecture. They are living in the prefecture because Ttheir husbands have been transferred here to Kagoshima. These wives attend some courses organized by Kagoshima City office and learn not only the history and dialects in the region but also hot how to cook local dishes such as “Satsuma-age”,( a steamed fish paste)”.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

There is a group of women who were not born in Kagoshima Prefecture but are eagerly  studying the customs and dialect of Kagoshima Prefecture. They are living in the prefecture because their husbands have been transferred here. These wives attend courses organized by Kagoshima City and learn not only the history and dialect in the region but also how to cook local dishes such as “Satsuma-age (steamed fish paste)”.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、12 May 08

 

A woman's group is earnestly studying Kagoshima dialects and customs, but the members of the group do not come from Kagoshima Prefecture. The group is composed of wives who came to Kagoshima with relocated husbands and attend a lecture created by Kagoshima City. The members study lectures which contain history, dialects and local dishes such as Satsuma-age.

 

添削

 

A womean's group is earnestly studying the Kagoshima dialects and customs in Kagoshima City, but the members of the group do not come from Kagoshima Prefecture. The group is composed of wives who came to Kagoshima with relocated husbands and attend a course1 lecture offered created by Kagoshima City. The members attend study lectures which contain local history, dialects, and local dishes such as Satsuma-age.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       次の文にlecturesとあるので、ここはこれらのlecturesを含むa courseとするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A women's group is earnestly studying the Kagoshima dialects and customs in Kagoshima City, but the members of the group do not come from Kagoshima Prefecture. The group is composed of wives who came to Kagoshima with relocated husbands and attend a course  offered by Kagoshima City. The members attend lectures which contain local history, dialect, and dishes such as Satsuma-age.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 22 August 07

 

A group of women in Kagoshima Prefecture are eagerly learning the local dialect and customs of the prefecture. The women weren't born in the prefecture but came there when their husbands were transferred to the prefecture. The women are actively taking part in a course organized by Kagoshima City and learning how to cook local dishes such as Satsumaage (fried fish balls), as well as learning the history and local dialect of the prefecture.

  

添削

 

A group of women in Kagoshima Prefecture City2 are eagerly learning the local dialect and customs of Kagoshima Prefecture the prefecture. These women weren't born in the prefecture but came there when their husbands were transferred to the prefecture. They women are actively taking part in a course organized by Kagoshima City and learning the Kagoshima dialect and local history3 as well as how to cook local dishes such as Satsumaage (fried fish balls),. as well as learning the history and local dialect of the prefecture1.

  

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

2.       鹿児島市の講座を取っている、とあるので鹿児島市に住む女性のグループのような気がします。

 

3.       投稿の順序でもよいですが、先ずは文化を先にして料理は後にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

A group of women in Kagoshima City are eagerly learning the local dialect and customs of Kagoshima Prefecture. These women weren't born in the prefecture but came there when their husbands were transferred to the prefecture. They are actively taking part in a course organized by Kagoshima City and learning the Kagoshima dialect and local history as well as how to cook local dishes such as Satsumaage (fried fish balls).

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(あすか、7 April 07

 

A women's group who came to Kagoshima from around the country with their husbands' transfer are taking a class willing to learn the local customs and dialect of Kagoshima Prefecture by the City of Kagoshima. The class also introduce to them not only the local history and dialect but also local specialties such as fried fish balls.

 

添削

 

A women's group of women1 who came to Kagoshima from around the country with when their husbands' were transferred2 to Kagoshima are taking a class willing offered by the City of Kagoshima to learn the local customs and dialect of Kagoshima Prefecture by the City of Kagoshima. The class also introduces to them to not only the local history and dialect but also local food3 specialties such as fried fish balls.

 

コメント

 

1.       鹿児島に来たのはa women’s groupではなくwomenです。

 

2.       名詞句より名詞節のほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

3.       すでに前の文に方言は出てくるので、ここでは歴史と郷土料理を加えます。

 

添削後の文章

 

A group of women who came to Kagoshima from around the country when their husbands were transferred to Kagoshima are taking a class offered by the City of Kagoshima to learn the customs and dialect of Kagoshima Prefecture. The class also introduces them to the local history and food specialties such as fried fish balls.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Hanasaki, 16 November 06

 

There is a women group in Kagoshima of which members are not home-grown but studying Kagosima dialect and customs eagerly. They are wives of saralied workers transfered to Kagoshima and attending the lectures organized by Kagoshima city. In the lectures, they are working positively not only to the regional history and the dialect but also to the local dishes such as fried fish balls.

 

添削

 

There is a women’s group in Kagoshima Prefecture1 of which the2 members are not home-grown but are studying the Kagoshima dialect and customs eagerly. They came to Kagoshima as their husbands were are wives of saralied workers transfered transferred there3 to Kagoshima  and are attending the lectures courses organized by the City of Kagoshima4 city. In the lectures courses, they are working enthusiastically leaning positively not only to the regional local history and the dialect but also to the local dishes such as fried fish balls5.

 

コメント

 

1.       Kagoshimaだけですと鹿児島市のことにもなるので、Kagoshima Prefectureとするとはっきりします。

 

2.       There is a women’s groupとあるので「このグループのメンバー」ということで定冠詞にします。There is a women’s group of which the members were ~.of whichを使うのが伝統的ですが、現在ではThere is a women's group whose members were ~. とwhoseを使うことが多いです。

 

3.       「転勤族の奥さん」は説明しようとすると難しいですね。家族を残して自分ひとりで転勤先に行く人も多いので添削のように説明しました。

 

4.       「鹿児島市が企画した」の鹿児島市は鹿児島市市役所の意味ですね。英文でもthe City of Kagoshimaとすると、この意味があります。

 

5.       わたしも鹿児島市で本場のさつま揚げを食べました。丸いものもありますが、平たいものもあります。ではfried fish what? でしょうね。平たいものも含めてfried fish ballsでよいとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

There is a women’s group in Kagoshima Prefecture of which the members are not home-grown but are studying the Kagoshima dialect and customs eagerly. They came to Kagoshima as their husbands were transferred there and are attending the courses organized by the City of Kagoshima. In the course, they are enthusiastically leaning not only to the local history and dialect but also to local dishes such as fried fish balls.

 

 

初級練習問題 393

 

釧路市阿寒湖温泉で旅館に泊まりながら、夕食は温泉街の飲食店で地元の食材などを味わってもらう「泊食分離」の取り組みが始まった。宿泊客に新たな「食」の楽しみを提供し、温泉街の活性化を目指す。

 

読者からの投稿 8(Lucca, 14 May 14

 

The Lake-Akan hot spring resort in Kushiro City has started a new service for hotel guests. Traditionally hot spring hotels have a package with half board, but this service offers the guests to enjoy local food for dinner at nearby restaurants. The city hopes that the service will push up the number of visitors to the resort.

 

添削

 

The Lake-Akan hot spring resort in Kushiro City has started a new service for hotel guests. Traditionally hot spring hotels provide guests with breakfast and dinner have a package with half board1, but this service offers the guests opportunities to enjoy local food for dinner at nearby restaurants. The city hopes that the service will increase push up the number of visitors to the resort.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       北米ではhalf board(部屋、朝食、昼食または夕食のセット)という表現を見かけません。B&Bで朝食の他に夕食を出すところや、ホテルで朝食付きのところは見かけますが、北米はhalf boardの宿泊施設が少ないからなのでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Lake-Akan hot spring resort in Kushiro City has started a new service for hotel guests. Traditionally hot spring hotels provide guests with breakfast and dinner but this service offers the guests opportunities to enjoy local food for dinner at nearby restaurants. The city hopes that the service will increase the number of visitors to the resort.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 1 February 11

 

Akanko Hot Springs in Kushiro City have started test-marketing of their new program which encourages the guests of Japanese inns to dine out at local restaurants rather than conventional way of having dinner at inns. The program aims at revitalizing the hot spring resort by proving visitors with more opportunities to enjoy a variety of local cuisines.

 

添削

 

Akanko Hot Springs in Kushiro City have started test-marketinging of their new program which encourages the guests of at Japanese inns to dine out at local restaurants rather than to eat conventionally1 way of having dinner at the inns. The program aims at revitalizing the hot spring resort by proving visitors with more opportunities to enjoy a variety of local cuisines2.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       to dine out, to eat conventionallyと同じ形にするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       the French cuisine, the local cuisineと総称は単数形にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Akanko Hot Springs in Kushiro City have started testing their new program which encourages guests at Japanese inns to dine out at local restaurants rather than to eat conventionally at the inns. The program aims at revitalizing the hot spring resort by proving visitors with more opportunities to enjoy a variety of local cuisine.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(さくら、1 December 09

 

A new attempt which encourages tourists to dine out instead of having meals at hotels has started in Akan Lake hot spring resort in Kushiro City, Hokkaido. This attempt aims to revitalize the hot spring resort. The local hotels accommodate visitors while the local restaurants entertain them with local food, offering them an opportunity to explore local cuisines.

 

添削

 

A new attempt which encourages tourists to dine out instead of having meals at the Japanese inns1 where they are staying hotels has started in Akan Lake hHot sSprings resort in Kushiro City, Hokkaido. This attempt aims to revitalize the hot spring resort. The local Japanese inns hotels accommodate visitors while the local restaurants entertain them with local food, offering them an opportunityies to explore the local cuisines.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。圧縮された日本文の内容を、英文で分かりやすく整理しています。

 

1.       宿泊と食事(朝、夕)が一緒になっているのは、主に日本旅館ですね。この数年、日本に行くときは秘湯(静かなブームのようです)をたずねています。旅館街から離れた谷の奥の一軒屋などが多く、宿泊不分離ですが、これもまた楽しみです。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new attempt which encourages tourists to dine out instead of having meals at the Japanese inns1 where they are staying has started in Akan Lake Hot Springs in Kushiro City, Hokkaido. This attempt aims to revitalize the hot spring resort. The local Japanese inns accommodate visitors while the local restaurants entertain them with local food, offering them opportunities to explore the local cuisine.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(すみれ、4 June 08

 

The owners of hot spring hotels and restaurants in Akanko Onsen, Kushiro city started a new campaign, "Hakushokubunri", which is like bed and breakfast style, the inns do not provide dinner and the guests dine out at local restaurants. This is a new experiment departing from the customary practice that at traditional Japanese inns usually room charges include two meals. The new campaign aims to offer tourists opportunity to enjoy local specialties so as to attract more visitors to Akanko Onsen.

 

添削

 

The owners of hot spring hotels, inns1 and restaurants in Akanko Hot Springs2 Onsen, Kushiro cCity started a new campaign to promote, "Hakushokubunri", which literally means separating meals from accommodations and looks a bit is -like a bed and breakfast style in North America3., tThe hotels and inns do not provide their guests with dinner and the guests dine out at local restaurants. This is a new experiment departing from the customary practice that at traditional Japanese inns usually room charges usually include two meals, breakfast and dinner. The new campaign aims to offer tourists opportunity to enjoy local culinary specialties so as to attract more visitors to Akanko Hot Springs Onsen.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。添削は主に日本語の英語表記についてです。

 

1.       a hotelホテル、an inn 旅館、と通常していますが、日本でホテルと旅館はどのように違うのでしょうか。都市ホテルと秘湯旅館では確かに違いがありますが、ホテルのような旅館(名前が〜旅館なので)に泊まったことがあります。ここではhotelsinnsの両方を入れておきました。建物の外見にかかわらず、旅館は夕食を出すが、ホテルは夕食を出さない(基本料金には入っていない)という区別はどうでしょうか。

 

2.       Akanko OnsenAkanko Hot SpringsまたはLake Akan Hot Springsがよいでしょう。阿寒湖温泉(町)という意味になります。

 

3.       この英文は英語を日常使っている人を想定読者にしています。Hakushokubunriは内容を英文で説明するのが一般的でしょう。この日本語をそのまま英文に入れたいときには添削のような説明を付けるとよいでしょう。確かにbed & breakfastに似ていますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

The owners of hotels, inns and restaurants in Akanko Hot Springs, Kushiro City started a new campaign to promote, "Hakushokubunri", which literally means separating meals from accommodations and looks a bit -like a bed and breakfast style in North America. The hotels and inns do not provide their guests with dinner and the guests dine out at local restaurants. This is a new experiment departing from the customary practice that at traditional Japanese inns room charges usually include two meals, breakfast and dinner. The new campaign aims to offer tourists opportunity to enjoy local culinary specialties so as to attract more visitors to Akanko Hot Springs .

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、12 May 08

 

A new project started at Lake Akan hot spring in Kushiro City. The project is that when tourists stay at inns in the hot spring resort, they can eat local ingredients for dinner at other restaurants except inns. To vitalize the resort, Kushiro City provides such pleasures of eating to tourists.

 

添削

 

A new project started at Lake Akan hHot sSprings in Kushiro City. The project is that when tourists stay at an inns in the hot spring resort, they can eat local dishes ingredients for dinner at a other restaurants in stead of the traditional arrangement of eating dinner at the inn where they are staying1 except inns. Kushiro City hopes that the project will To vitalize the resort, Kushiro City providesing such pleasures of eating a various kinds of local dishes to tourists.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかります。

 

1.       従来の方法とこの新しい試みのどこが違うかを説明するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new project started at Lake Akan Hot Springs in Kushiro City. The project is that when tourists stay at an inn in the hot spring resort, they can eat local dishes for dinner at a  restaurant in stead of the traditional arrangement of eating dinner at the inn where they are staying. Kushiro City hopes that the project will vitalize the resort providing such pleasures of eating a various kinds of local dishes to tourists.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(つぶあんこ、8 March 08

 

At Lake Akan Hot Springs Area in Kushiro City, Hokkaido, a new service” Stay here and Eat out” has started. The hotels and inns had been providing both accommodation and dinner service to their guest before. But this time, guests can enjoy eating a large variety of local dishes at the local casual restaurants in the Hot Springs area while staying at the hotels and inns. The hotels, inns, restaurants and others all in the area aim at revitalizing the Hot Springs area by providing new pleasure of meat and drink to their guests.

 

添削

 

At Lake Akan Hot Springs1 Area in Kushiro City, Hokkaido, a new service program2 called ” Stay hHere and Eat oOut” has started. Traditionally, Tthe hotels and inns had been providinge3 both accommodation and dinner service to their guests before. But under the new program, this time, guests can enjoy eating a large variety of local dishes at the local casual restaurants in the Hot Springs area while staying at the hotels and inns. The hotels, inns, restaurants and others businesses4 all in the area hope that this program will aim at revitalizinge the Lake Akan Hot Springs area by providing new pleasure of appreciating local meat food and drink to their guests.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       阿寒湖温泉地区全体をLake Akan Hot Springsと表現できます。これを主語にしてLake Akan Hot Springs has started a new program ~.とすることも出来ます。

 

2.       阿寒湖温泉地区の関係者が協力して始めた企画なのでa programの方がよいでしょう。

 

3.       時間関係を正確に表現すれが投稿の通りですが、伝統的に旅館は泊食一体であるが、と一般的に表現してよいと思います。旅館の料金で夕食代は大きな部分を占め、また夕食を売り物にしているところも多いですが、個人的にはお仕着せの夕食は苦手です。外に食べに出られればよいですね。まあ、山の中の秘湯温泉旅館では食べに出かけるところもありませんが。

 

4.       日本文には動作の主体を文の主語にしないで、「〜となる」という表現が多いですね。「釧路市阿寒湖温泉で」とありますが、英語の発想なら「釧路市阿寒湖温泉は」とこれが主語になります。ここでは投稿のように阿寒湖温泉の関係者を列記したほうがわかりやすいとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

At Lake Akan Hot Springs in Kushiro City, Hokkaido, a new program called ” Stay Here and Eat Out” has started. Traditionally, the hotels and inns provide both accommodation and dinner to their guests. But under the new program, guests can enjoy eating a large variety of local dishes at the local restaurants in the area while staying at the hotels and inns. The hotels, inns, restaurants and other businesses in the area hope that this program will revitalize Lake Akan Hot Springs by providing new pleasure of appreciating local food to their guests.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 21 August 07

 

Hotels and inns in Lake Akan Hot Springs, Kushiro City, Hokkaido has started a new service for guests. Previously, these hotels and inns only had accommodation plans which included dinner, so guests were supposed to have dinner at the hotels or inns where they stayed. This time, however, the hotels and inns introduce guests to local restaurants for dinner, so that guests can taste local dishes they want to try. Creating new opportunities for guests to enjoy local dishes, the hotels and inns aims to attract more guests to Lake Akan Hot Springs.

 

添削

 

Hotels and inns in Lake Akan Hot Springs, Kushiro City, Hokkaido has have started a new service for their guests. Previously, these hotels and inns only had accommodation plans which included dinner., sSo, the guests were supposed to have had dinner at the hotels or and inns where they stayed. This time, however, the hotels and inns have separated dinner from accommodation2 introduce guests to local restaurants for dinner, so that the guests can go out to local restaurants for dinner to taste local dishes they want to try. Creating new opportunities for guests to enjoy local dishes, the hotels and inns hope3, aims to could attract more guests to Lake Akan Hot Springs1.

 

添削

 

1.       英文の内容の総てがわかります。これはなかなか面白い試みですね。日本旅館ですと、食事の値段が宿泊費の中で大きいですから、こうすると宿泊費が安くなるのでしょうか。それとも食事込みの宿泊費は同じで、食事代に見合ったクーポンのようなものを宿泊者は貰って、それに見合った食事をレストランでするのでしょうか。

 

2.       「泊食分離」がキーワードなので、添削のように入れたほうがよいでしょう。

 

3.       Creating new opportunitiesが文の主語ですから、the hotels and inns hopeは間投節になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Hotels and inns in Lake Akan Hot Springs, Kushiro City, Hokkaido have started a new service for their guests. Previously, these hotels and inns had accommodation plans which included dinner. So, the guests had dinner at the hotels and inns where they stayed. This time, however, the hotels and inns have separated dinner from accommodation so that the guests can go out to local restaurants for dinner to taste local dishes they want. Creating new opportunities for guests to enjoy local dishes, the hotels and inns hope, could attract more guests to Lake Akan Hot Springs.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(あすか、2 March 07

 

Kushiro City made a new plan for the inn guests staying at Lake Akan Hot Spring, Kushiro in Hokkaido. The plan is called "Hakushokubunri" which is like a bed and breakfast style, the inns don't provide dinner because of giving the guests a tast of local foods dinner at restaurants of Kushiro town hot-spring resort. Kushiro City is intended to revitalize the city in the town hot-spring resort offerring the guests a way which they enjoy eating.

 

添削

 

Kushiro The City of Kushiro1 made has introduced a new plan for guests staying at for the Japanese inns in guests staying at Lake Akan Hot Springs2, Kushiro in Hokkaido. The plan is called "Hakushokubunri," which is like similar to a bed and breakfast style plan.,3 tThe inns don't provide guests with dinner. Instead, the inns give guests opportunities to try because of giving the guests a tast of local foods dishes4 for dinner at restaurants in Lake Akan Hot Springs of Kushiro town hot-spring resort. Kushiro The City of Kushiro wants is intended to revitalize the city in the town hot-spring resort, offering the guests a new way which they of enjoying eating local dishes.

 

コメント

 

1.       釧路市役所、という意味にはthe City of KushiroのほうがKushiro Cityよりよいでしょう。両者とも地名、役所名に使いますが、the City of Kushiroとしたほうが「市役所」の感じがでます。

 

2.       温泉は複数になるのが一般的です。カナダには温泉はごく少なく、全部で10ぐらいしかありません。そして、全部がブリティッシュ・コロンビア州とアルバータ州に集中しています。私の町から車で3時間半のカナディアン・ロッキーの中のジャスパー国立公園にMiette Hot Springsというカナダ連邦政府直営の温泉があります。深い谷の奥にあるので冬の間は雪で休業になり、開いているのは5月末から9月末までです。野天風呂ですが、温泉プールといったほうがよいでしょう。毎年、温泉が開くとすぐに出かけています。

 

3.       ここは添削のように小文に分けて、それぞれの小文で内容を一つだけ説明したほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

4.       local dishesとしたほうが、地域に特別な料理(地域の特産品および地域に独特な料理方法)という意味が強くなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The City of Kushiro has introduced a new plan for guests staying at Japanese inns in Lake Akan Hot Springs, Hokkaido. The plan is called "Hakushokubunri," which is similar to a bed and breakfast plan. The inns don't provide guests with dinner. Instead, the inns give guests opportunities to try local dishes for dinner at restaurants in Lake Akan Hot Springs. The City of Kushiro wants to revitalize the resort, offering guests a new way of enjoying local dishes.

 

 

初級練習問題 394

 

携帯電話の番号はそのままで契約会社を変更できる番号継続制が始まった。メールアドレスは引き継げないものの、利用者は番号の“縛り”にとらわれずに契約先を選び直せるようになった。

 

読者からの投稿 6(Lucca, 20 May 14

 

A new system for Cellular phones has been introduced in Japan. This system allows users to keep their current telephone numbers when they switch carriers, although they can't maintain their same mail addresses. The users now have more flexibly to choose carriers without worrying about the change of telephone numbers.

 

添削

 

A new system for Cellular phones has been introduced in Japan. This system allows users to keep their current telephone numbers when they switch carriers, although they can't maintain their same mail addresses. The users now have more flexibly to choose carriers without worrying about the change of telephone numbers.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 1 February 11

 

The mobile number portability system has just started. The new system allows cellular phone users to change carriers while retaining their current phone numbers, thus relieving them from the burden of letting people know their new phone numbers. They cannot retain their e-mail addresses, though. Nevertheless, now people can acquire and switch cellular phones without being shackled by a spell of phone numbers.

 

添削

 

The transferable mobile number portability system for cellular phone numbers1 has just started. The new system allows cellular phone users to change carriers while retaining their current phone numbers, thus relieving them from the burden of letting people know their new phone numbers. They cannot, however2, retain their e-mail addresses, though. Nevertheless, now people can acquire and switch cellular phones without being shackled by a spell of phone numbers.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       このほうが内容がはっきりします。mobileとするとmobile phonemobileと混同します。

 

2.       メールアドレスの引き継ぎ不可能、ということを強調します。

 

添削後の文章

 

The transferable system for cellular phone numbers has just started. The new system allows cellular phone users to change carriers while retaining their current phone numbers, thus relieving them from the burden of letting people know their new phone numbers. They cannot, however, retain their e-mail addresses. Nevertheless, now people can acquire and switch cellular phones without being shackled by a spell of phone numbers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(さくら、1 December 09

 

A new mobile phone system has started. The system allows users to change the telephone company with which they have contracted remaining their telephone number unchanged. The users who wanted to change the telephone company but could not because they did not want to change their telephone number have gotten a chance to choose their favorite telephone company, though they are not allowed to continue using their old mail address.

 

添削

 

A new mobile phone system has started. This The system allows users to change the telephone company for their mobile phones with which they have contracted remaining keeping their telephone numbers unchanged. In the past1, Tthe users who wanted to change the telephone company but could not do so because they did not want to change their telephone numbers. Now they have gotten a chance to choose their favorite telephone company., The new system, however, does though they are not allowed the users to continue using their old e-mail addresses when they change their mobile phone company.

 

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       文を二つにして、In the past, ~. Now ~.と対比すると分かりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new mobile phone system has started. This system allows users to change the telephone company for their mobile phones keeping their telephone numbers unchanged. In the past, the users who wanted to change the telephone company could not do so because they did not want to change their telephone numbers. Now they have a chance to choose their favorite telephone company. The new system, however, does not allow the users to continue using their old e-mail addresses when they change their mobile phone company.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、12 May 08

 

The mobile number portability system started. The system is that even if users change a telephone company, users can use their traditional telephone number at a new telephone company. Users cannot use their e-mail address at a new telephone company, but they can freely choose any telephone companies by this system.

 

添削

 

The mobile number portability system of mobile phone numbers has started. The system is that even if users change a telephone company, users they can use their traditional old telephone numbers at a new telephone company. However, Uusers cannot use their old e-mail addresses at a new telephone company., Nevertheless, now mobile phone users but they can freely choose any telephone companiesy they want by this system.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The portability system of mobile phone numbers has started. The system is that even if users change a telephone company, they can use their old telephone numbers at a new telephone company. However, users cannot use their old e-mail addresses at a new telephone company. Nevertheless, now mobile phone users can freely choose any telephone company they want.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(10 March 08

 

Mobile number portability services have started. The services allow mobile phone users to keep their current phone number when they change their providers. Now users have become to be able to shift their service providers without being bothered about their phone numbers. However users still have to change their e-mail address at that time.

 

添削

 

Mobile number pPortability services of mobile telephone numbers1 have started. The services allow mobile phone users to keep their current phone numbers when they change their providers. Now users have become to be able to can change2 shift their service providers without the inconvenience of changing being bothered about their phone numbers. However, users still have to change their e-mail addresses at that time.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       英語は名詞の続く複合名詞を嫌います。日本語では番号継続制のように継続は名詞、動詞の両方の意味があるので名詞が続いても名詞間の関係がわかりますが、英語の名詞が続くとその間の関係が曖昧のなるからでしょう。

 

 

 

 

 

 

2.       Now we can changeという簡単な表現でよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Portability services of mobile telephone numbers have started. The services allow mobile phone users to keep their current phone numbers when they change their providers. Now users can change their service providers without the inconvenience of changing their phone numbers. However, users still have to change their e-mail addresses at that time.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Kalo, 6 March 07

 

Mobile Number Portability (MNP) services have started in Japan. MNP allows mobile phone users to keep their current phone number when they change from one operator to another. Although users still need to change their e-mail address, they can choose between operators without worrying about changing their phone number.

 

添削

 

Mobile Number Portability (MNP)1 services have started in Japan. MNP allows mobile phone users to keep their current phone number when they change from one operator service provider2 to another. Although users still need to change their e-mail address, they can choose switch to a new provider3 between operators without worrying about changing their phone number.

 

コメント

 

1.       このサービスをMNPというのですね。私は家で仕事をしていてあまり外を出歩く必要がないので携帯をもっていません。そのため、携帯電話事情には疎くなっています。

 

2.       telephone operator(電話交換手)という連想があるのでa (mobile phone) service providerとしました。

 

3.       MNPはそれぞれのプロバイダーが利用者の自社サービスへの囲い込みを狙って始めたようなのでswitch to a new providerとしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Mobile Number Portability (MNP) services have started in Japan. MNP allows mobile phone users to keep their current phone number when they change from one service provider to another. Although users still need to change their e-mail address, they can switch to a new provider without worrying about changing their phone number.

 

 

初級練習問題 395

 

今年の台風14号の豪雨による岩国市の錦川の大水は鵜飼いや遊覧に使う船の大半を流失させた。鵜飼いの存続を危ぶむ中、戦後岩国市に鵜飼いを復活させた岩見屋家では鵜飼の今年の実施に向け、準備や協力の要請に奔走している。

 

読者からの投稿 7(Lucca, 20 May 14

 

Most boats for sightseeing and cormorant fishing called "Ukai" were washed out by the flood of the Nishiki River caused by the typhoon No.14 of this year. Ukai performances face a difficult situation to restart. The "Iwamiya family" ,which had contributed to restore Ukai performances in Iwakuni City after the world war, has been so busy to prepare for the resumption of Ukai performances for this year and is asking for supports.

 

添削

 

Most boats for sightseeing and cormorant fishing called "Ukai" on the Nishiki River in the City of Iwakuni1 were washed out by the flood of the Nishiki River caused by the typhoon No.14 of this year. Those who2 were involved in the Ukai performances have been faceing a difficult situation to restart. It. Fortunately, Tthe "Iwamiya family" ,which that had contributed to restore the Ukai performances in the city Iwakuni City after the wWorld wWar II, has been so busy to prepare for the resumption of the Ukai performances for this year and is asking for supports from the public.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       場所をここに置くと話の具体性が文章の初めでよくなります。

 

2.       主語は人間のほうが具体性が高くなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Most boats for sightseeing and cormorant fishing called "Ukai" on the Nishiki River in the City of Iwakuni were washed out by the flood caused by typhoon No.14 of this year. Those who were involved in the Ukai performance have been facing a difficult situation to restart It. Fortunately, the "Iwamiya family" that had contributed to restore the Ukai performance in the city after the World War II, has been so busy to prepare for the resumption of the Ukai performance for this year and is asking for support from the public.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 1 February 11

 

A flood of the Nishiki River in Iwakuni City caused by Typhoon #14 washed away majority of boats used for the cormorant fishing and pleasure cruise. As many citizens doubt if the traditional cormorant fishing can survive, the Iwamiya Family, who successfully revived the fishing in the river after the war, is now scrambling to get things ready for the resumption of the fishing this year while calling for the citizen’s cooperation towards it.

 

添削

 

Typhoon Number 141 caused Aa flood at of the Nishiki River in Iwakuni City caused by Typhoon #14 and washed away the majority of boats used for the cormorant fishing and pleasure cruiseing. As mMany citizens in the city are afraid that doubt if the traditional cormorant fishing cannot survive the damage,2 Bu the Iwamiya Family, who had once successfully revived the cormorant fishing in the river after the war, is now scrambling to get things ready for the resumption of the fishing this year and while calling for the citizen’s cooperation towards it.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       台風を主語にして、caused a flood, washed away boatsとすると読みやすくなります。

 

2.       文を二つに分けた方が、それぞれの内容の印象が強くなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Typhoon Number 14 caused a flood at the Nishiki River in Iwakuni City and washed away the majority of boats used for cormorant fishing and pleasure cruising. Many citizens in the city are afraid that the traditional cormorant fishing cannot survive the damage. Bu the Iwamiya Family, who had once successfully revived the cormorant fishing in the river after the war, is now scrambling to get things ready for the resumption of the fishing this year and calling for citizen’s cooperation .

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(さくら、2 December 09

 

This year, due to the flood caused by Typhoon 14, most of the boats which were used for sightseeing cruises and enjoying Ukai-fishing in Nishiki River, Iwakuni City, were destroyed. Amid of people’s concern for extinction of the Ukai-fishing custom, Iwamiya Family, which made a revival of Ukai-fishing after World War U, is making great efforts to carry out an Ukai-fishing event again, making preparations and asking for cooperation.

 

添削

 

This year’s, due to the flood caused by Typhoon 14 has destroyed , most of the boats which were used for sightseeing cruises and enjoying Ukai-fishing in the Nishiki River, Iwakuni City, were destroyed. In response to Amid of people’s concern for the termination extinction of the Ukai-fishing custom, the Iwamiya Ffamily, which made a revival of revived Ukai-fishing in the Nishiki River after World War U, is now making great efforts to restart carry out an Ukai-fishing event again, making preparations and is asking local people for their cooperation.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容は総てわかりますが、添削のようにするともっとわかりやすくなります。先ずは日本文の内容を丁寧に英文で表現したら、次に日本文の構成と離れて英文だけを独立した文章として観察し、より簡潔な表現があるかどうか調べるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

This year’s Typhoon 14 has destroyed most of the boats for sightseeing and Ukai-fishing in the Nishiki River, Iwakuni City. In response to people’s concern for the termination of  Ukai-fishing, the Iwamiya family, which revived Ukai-fishing in the Nishiki River after World War II, is now making great efforts to restart Ukai-fishing and is asking local people for their cooperation.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、13 May 08

 

The heavy rain due to the typhoon No.14 caused a flood in the Nishiki River in Iwakuni City. The flood washed out most ships which were used for sightseeing and cormorant fishing. Amid mounting concerns about the survival of cormorant fishing, Iwami-ya who revived cormorant fishing in Iwakuni City after war is busy with preparations of cormorant fishing and is scrambling to find sponsors.

 

添削

 

The heavy rain due to the tTyphoon No.14 caused a flood in the Nishiki River in Iwakuni City. The flood washed away out most ships of the boats which were used for sightseeing and cormorant fishing. Amid mounting concerns about the survival of cormorant fishing, the Iwami-ya family who had revived cormorant fishing in Iwakuni City after the war is busy with the preparations of for cormorant fishing in the coming season and is now scrambling to find sponsors.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The heavy rain due to Typhoon No.14 caused a flood in the Nishiki River in Iwakuni City. The flood washed away most of the boats used for sightseeing and cormorant fishing. Amid mounting concerns about the survival of cormorant fishing, the Iwami family who had revived cormorant fishing in Iwakuni City after the war is busy with the preparation for cormorant fishing in the coming season and is now scrambling to find sponsors.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(つぶあんこ、21 March 08

 

The heavy rain by Typhoon No.14 of this year brought a flood to the Nishiki River in Iwakuni City, Shimane Prefecture. And the flood washed away most of the crafts used for a traditional fishing with cormorants or sightseeing. Many people doubted whether the traditional fishing would be able to continue. However the Iwamiyas, which revived the traditional fishing after World War II, has been struggling to prepare and ask for cooperation for this year's fishing with cormorants

 

添削

 

The heavy rain by this year’s Typhoon No.14 of this year brought a flooded to the Nishiki River in Iwakuni City, Shimane Prefecture. Aand the flood washed away most of the crafts boats used for a traditional fishing with cormorants or and sightseeing. Many people doubted were afraid that whether the traditional fishing would be finished able to continue1. However, the Iwamiyas, which revived the traditional fishing after World War II, has have been struggling working hard2 to prepare and ask for cooperation for this year's fishing and asking others for cooperation with cormorants

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「鵜飼いの存続を危ぶむ」の内容をストレートに表現してみました。

 

2.       Has been strugglingとすると「がんばっているが(多分)駄目だ」という感じになります。ここではポッジティブに have been working hardにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The heavy rain by this year’s Typhoon No.14 flooded the Nishiki River in Iwakuni City, Shimane Prefecture and washed away most of the boats used for a traditional fishing with cormorants and sightseeing. Many people were afraid that the traditional fishing would be finished. However, the Iwamiyas, which revived the traditional fishing after World War II, have been working hard to prepare for this year's fishing and asking others for cooperation.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 6 March 07

 

Most of the ships used for cormorant fishing or sightseeing were washed away by flooding. The incident occurred when the heavy rain caused by Typhoon No.14 flooded the Nishiki River in Iwakuni City, Yamaguchi Prefecture. People are skeptical that cormorant fishing can be practiced in the future due to the damage. But now the Iwamiya is devoting itself to preparing cormorant fishing this year while seeking assistance from others. The Imamura have once revived this traditional method of fishing after the war.

 

添削

 

Most of the ships boats1 used for cormorant fishing or and sightseeing were washed away by flooding. The incident occurred when the heavy rain caused by Typhoon No.14 flooded the Nishiki River in Iwakuni City, Yamaguchi Prefecture2. People are skeptical that if cormorant fishing can be practiced continued in the future due to the damage. But now the Iwamiya3 is devoting itself to preparing cormorant fishing this year while seeking assistance from others. The Imamura Iwamiya have has once revived this traditional method of fishing in the Nishiki River after the war.

 

コメント

 

1.       shipは大きな船なのでboatにします。

 

2.       日本文は長い文の中に情報がいろいろ入っているので、どのように小文化するか考えますね。それぞれの情報を小文にして、論理的に並べるのが原則です。英文の後半の小文の並び方で内容はよくわかります。最初の二つの小文は次のように整理することもできます。Typhoon No. 14 flooded the Nishiki River in Iwakuni City, Yamaguchi Prefecture and washed away most of the boats used for cormorant fishing and sightseeing.

 

3.       the Imamiyaは商店名ですね。鵜飼観光の店でしょう。もう20年も前になりますが、仕事で岐阜に行ったついでに、長良川の鵜飼を見ようと思いましたが、あいにく前日の大雨で長良川は濁流で増水し、鵜飼は中止になってしまいました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Most of the boats used for cormorant fishing and sightseeing were washed away by flooding. The incident occurred when the heavy rain caused by Typhoon No.14 flooded the Nishiki River in Iwakuni City, Yamaguchi Prefecture. People are skeptical if cormorant fishing can be continued in the future due to the damage. But now the Iwamiya is devoting itself to preparing cormorant fishing this year while seeking assistance from others. The Iwamiya has once revived this traditional method of fishing in the Nishiki River after the war.

 

読者からの投稿 1(あすか、5 March 07

 

The floods of Nishiki river caused by the latest typhoon No.14, had washed away most of the cormorant fishing boats, Iwakuni City in Japan."Ukai" or cormorant fishing, is a traditional method involves fisherman using cormorant birds on leashes to catch sweetfish. During the people involved in the cormorant fishing have been worried about the Ukai event, the Iwamiyas who brought up the cormorant fishing after the war in Iwakuni City have worked hard for the preparation to resume the operation of this event asking everyone to help.

 

添削

 

The floods of the Nishiki rRiver caused by the latest typhoon No.14, had1 washed away most of the cormorant fishing boats for cormorant fishing and sightseeing, in Iwakuni City, in Japan. "Ukai" or cormorant fishing, is a traditional method of catching sweetfish involves fisherman using cormorant birds on a leash2 es to catch sweetfish. During While the people involved in the cormorant fishing are3 have been worried about the if they can continue Ukai in the river event, the Iwamiyas who revived brought up the cormorant fishing after the war in Iwakuni City have been workeding hard for the preparation to resume cormorant fishing again this year the operation of this event asking for help from everyone to help.

 

コメント

 

1.       The bridge, that had been washed away by a typhoon ten years ago, was rebuilt last year.のように過去完了形はある過去を基点として(橋が再建された去年)より前の起こったことを示す時間の表現方法に使います。ここでは特に過去のある基点はありませんから、単に過去形でよいです。

 

2.       一匹の鵜が一つの紐で操作されているので、ここでは鵜の代表を一つ取って単数形で表現するのが一般的です。

 

3.       「みんなは(ただ)心配しているだけだが、岩見屋家の人たちは(ずっと)鵜飼の再建に奔走してきている。」という意味で動詞の形を添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The floods of the Nishiki River caused by the latest typhoon No.14, washed away most of the boats for cormorant fishing and sightseeing in Iwakuni City, Japan. "Ukai" or cormorant fishing is a traditional method of catching sweetfish using cormorant birds on a leash. While people involved in cormorant fishing are worried about if they can continue Ukai in the river, the Iwamiyas who revived cormorant fishing after the war in Iwakuni City have been working hard for the preparation to resume cormorant fishing again this year asking for help from everyone.

 

 

初級練習問題 396

 

ハッブル宇宙望遠鏡は1990年に打ち上げられ、大気に邪魔されない観測によって、多くの画期的な発見をもたらしたが、近年、老朽化して存続が危ぶまれていた。米航空宇宙局(NASA)は現在スペースシャトルによるハッブルの補修が可能かどうかを検討している。

 

読者からの投稿 8(Lucca, 3 June 14

 

Since the Hubble Space Telescope was launched into the orbit in 1990, it has contributed to bring about a number of breakthrough discoveries. The telescope has a particular capability of observing space objects without being disturbed by the atmosphere. However, as the telescope gets old, its life extension has become an issue. The NASA has been exploring a possibility of repairing the telescope by using a space shuttle.

 

添削

 

Since the Hubble Space Telescope was launched into the orbit in 1990, it has contributed to bring about a number of breakthrough discoveries. The telescope has a particular capability of observing space objects without being disturbed by the atmosphere. However, as the telescope gets old, its life extension has become an issue. The NASA has been exploring a possibility of repairing the telescope by using a space shuttle.

 

コメント

内容のすべてがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。添削箇所はありません。

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(OKEN, 3 October 12

 

The Hubble Space Telescope was launched in 1990 and has given us a lot of new findings by observations without atmospheric distortion. But it has got older in recent years, and its life span is thought to come to an end before long. At the moment, NASA is considering whether it is possible to repair it by using a space shuttle.

 

添削

 

The Hubble Space Telescope was launched in 1990 and has given us a lot of new findings of the universe by observations without atmospheric distortions. But it has got older in recent years, and its life span is thought to come to an end before long. At present the moment, NASA is examining considering whether it is possible to repair the telescope it by using a space shuttle.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Hubble Space Telescope was launched in 1990 and has given us a lot of new findings of the universe by observations without atmospheric distortions. But it has got older in recent years and its life span is thought to come to an end before long. At present, NASA is examining whether it is possible to repair the telescope by using a space shuttle.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 9 February 11

 

Launched in 1990, the Hubble Space Telescope has brought about many ground breaking discoveries to the astrophysics by enabling observations free from atmospheric interference. In recent years, however, there have been growing concerns about aging endangering its survival. The U.S. space agency, NASA, is now investigating whether or not it is feasible to repair the telescope by crews of the space shuttle.

 

添削

 

Launched in 1990, the Hubble Space Telescope has brought about many ground breaking discoveries to the astrophysics by enabling celestial observations free from atmospheric interference. In recent years, however, there have been growing concerns about its aging that can endangering its survival. The U.S. space agency, NASA, is now investigating whether or not it is feasible to repair the telescope by crews of the space shuttle.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。ハッブルはスペースシャットルによる修理が何回もおこなわれましたが、2009年5月の大修理の後は性能が格段に向上しました。現在では少なくとも2014年までは稼働できる予測です。

 

添削後の文章

 

Launched in 1990, the Hubble Space Telescope has brought about many ground breaking discoveries to astrophysics by enabling celestial observations free from atmospheric interference. In recent years, however, there have been growing concerns about its aging that can endanger its survival. The U.S. space agency, NASA, is now investigating whether or not it is feasible to repair the telescope by crews of the space shuttle.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(さくら、5 December 09

 

The Hubble Space Telescope was launched in 1990. Since then, it has contributed to a lot of great discoveries, observing space in the condition of out of the atmosphere. But recently, scientists started to worry about how long they would be able to use it as it becomes older. The U.S. Aeronautics and Space Administration is now examining whether it is possible to fix the telescope by using the space shuttle or not.

 

添削

 

The Hubble Space Telescope was launched in 1990. Since then, it has contributed to a lot of great discoveries, observing space in the condition without the interference of out of by the atmosphere. But recently, scientists started to worry about how long they would be able to use it the telescope as it gets becomes older. The U.S. Aeronautics and Space Administration is now examining whether or not it is possible to fix the telescope by using a the space shuttle or not.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Hubble Space Telescope was launched in 1990. Since then, it has contributed to a lot of great discoveries, observing space in the condition without the interference by the atmosphere. But recently, scientists started to worry about how long they would be able to use the telescope as it gets older. The U.S. Aeronautics and Space Administration is now examining whether or not it is possible to fix the telescope by using a space shuttle .

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、14 May 08

 

The Hubble Space Telescope mounted on a rocket was launched in 1990. As the Hubble can observe a celestial body without being disturbed by air, it made many drastic discoveries. Participators think that it is difficult to save the telescope as it becomes too old to work. NASA is now considering whether astronauts can repair the Hubble from a space shuttle or not.

 

添削

 

The Hubble Space Telescope mounted on a rocket was launched into the orbit in 1990. As the Hubble can observe a celestial body without being disturbed by the air, it has made many drastic dramatic discoveries. However, it is aging and may cease to function properly before long1 Participators think that it is difficult to save the telescope as it becomes too old to work. NASA is now considering examining2 a possibility of whether astronauts can repairing the Hubble by astronauts sent by from a space shuttle or not.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますがparticipantsが誰だかはっきりしないので、添削のようにハッブルを主語にしたほうがよいでしょう。

 

1.       投稿のままでもよいですが、添削のほうが日本文の意味に近いでしょう。

 

2.       examineのほうが適切です。

 

 

添削後の文章

 

The Hubble Space Telescope mounted on a rocket was launched into the orbit in 1990. As the Hubble can observe a celestial body without being disturbed by the air, it has made many dramatic discoveries. However, it is aging and may cease to function properly before long. NASA is now examining a possibility of repairing the Hubble by astronauts sent by a space shuttle.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(つぶあんこ、24 March 08

 

The Hubble Space Telescope was launched in 1990. That brought a number of epoch-making revelations because the telescope can observe free from the barrier of the atmosphere. Recently, the telescope is getting older and there is a growing fear of its life span. The National Astronautics and Space Administration (NASA) is now examining whether the crews of a space shuttle can fix the telescope.

 

添削

 

The Hubble Space Telescope was launched into the orbit in 1990. That and1 brought has made a number of epoch-making revelations discoveries because the telescope can observe stars free from without the barrier of the earth’s atmosphere. Recently, However2, the telescope is getting older and there is a growing fear of its future life span. The National Astronautics and Space Administration (NASA) is now examining whether the crews of a space shuttle can fix the telescope.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

前の文が短いのでここではandで内容を続けたほうが読みやすいでしょう。

 

Recentlyとありますが、望遠鏡の劣化は最初からあったのでしょうから、recentlyは要りません。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Hubble Space Telescope was launched into the orbit in 1990 and has made a number of epoch-making discoveries because the telescope can observe stars without the barrier of the earth’s atmosphere. However, the telescope is getting older and there is a growing fear of its future life span. The National Astronautics and Space Administration (NASA) is now examining whether the crews of a space shuttle can fix the telescope.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo,23 August 07

 

The Hubble Space Telescope launched in 1990 has made remarkable discoveries because it can observe the universe more clearly from outside the atmosphere. However, the telescope has become so old that people are skeptical if it can keep observing. NASA is now examining whether the telescope can be repaired by the crews of the space shuttle.

 

添削

 

The Hubble Space Telescope launched in 1990 has made remarkable discoveries because it can observe the universe more clearly from outside the atmosphere than from the earth2. However, the telescope has become so old that people are skeptical if it can keep observing the universe any longer. NASA is now examining whether the telescope can be repaired by the crews of the a space shuttle1.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

2.       「地球から」を入れたほうが比較がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Hubble Space Telescope launched in 1990 has made remarkable discoveries because it can observe the universe more clearly from outside the atmosphere than from the earth. However, the telescope has become so old that people are skeptical if it can keep observing the universe any longer. NASA is now examining whether the telescope can be repaired by the crews of a space shuttle.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Hanasaki, 23 November 06

 

Hubble space telescope launched in 1990, has given us a lot of groundbreaking discoveries by the observation without being influenced by the atmosphere. However, it seems too old to save it recent years. The US space agency, NASA, is now considering whether it is possible to repair it by sending a shuttle or not.

 

添削

 

The Hhubble space telescope, launched into space in 1990, has given us a lot of groundbreaking discoveries by the observation without being influenced disturbed by the atmosphere. However, it is aging and is feared that it will soon go out of commission1 seems too old to save it recent years. The US space agency, NASA, is now considering examining whether it is possible to the telescope2 can be repaired it by a crew sent by sending a space shuttle or not.

 

コメント

 

「近年、老朽化して存続が危ぶまれていた。」と過去形のような表現になっていすが、現在のそういう状態なので、現在形で表現して、「望遠鏡は老朽化を続けていて、まもなくその役目を終えるだろう、と心配されている。」と言い換えると、添削のような表現になります。

 

望遠鏡を主語にすると、内容の表現がやさしくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The hubble telescope, launched into space in 1990, has given us a lot of groundbreaking discoveries by the observation without being disturbed by the atmosphere. However, it is aging and is feared that it will soon go out of commission. The US space agency, NASA, is now examining whether the telescope can be repaired by a crew sent by space shuttle.

 

 

初級練習問題 397

 

医師の数は増えているのに、都市部に偏在して地方の医師不足を招き、特に産婦人科、小児科では深刻な事態になっている。

 

読者からの投稿 7(Lucca, 26 May 14

 

Medical doctors are increasing in number, but most of them prefer living in urban areas rather than in rural areas. This tendency creates a shortage of doctors in rural areas, especially in case of obstetricians, gynecologists and pediatricians. People in rural areas are now suffering from this situation.

 

添削

 

Medical doctors are increasing in number, but most of them prefer living in urban areas to rather than in rural areas. This tendency creates a shortage of doctors in rural areas, especially for in case of obstetricians, gynecologists and pediatricians. People in rural areas are now suffering from this situation.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Medical doctors are increasing in number, but most of them prefer living in urban areas to  rural areas. This tendency creates a shortage of doctors in rural areas, especially for  obstetricians, gynecologists and pediatricians. People in rural areas are now suffering from this situation.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 9 February 11

 

The number of doctors has been increasing nationwide but geographical maldistribution of them is causing absolute shortage of doctors in rural areas. Particularly, the shortage in obstetrician and gynecologist and pediatrician is bringing grave consequences.

 

添削

 

The number of doctors has been increasing nationwide but their skewed geographical maldistribution of them is causing a absolute1 shortage of doctors in rural areas. Particularly, the shortage of in obstetricians and gynecologists and pediatricians is causing serious problems2 bringing grave consequences.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       何か説明か比較が無いとabsoluteとは言えません。

 

2.       この表現のほうが一般的です。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of doctors has been increasing nationwide but their skewed geographical distribution is causing a shortage of doctors in rural areas. Particularly, the shortage of  obstetricians and gynecologists and pediatricians is causing serious problems.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(さくら、5 December 09

 

While the number of doctors is increasing, many of them tend to live in cities. As the result, countryside has a shortage of doctors. This is especially particular in the numbers of gynecologist and pediatrician.

 

添削

 

While the number of doctors is increasing, many of them tend to live in cities. As the a result, countryside has a shortage of doctors. This is especially particularly evident for in the numbers of gynecologists and pediatricians.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますがespecially particularがわかりません。

 

添削後の文章

 

While the number of doctors is increasing, many of them tend to live in cities. As a result, countryside has a shortage of doctors. This is particularly evident for gynecologists and pediatricians.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、15 May 08

 

Doctors are increasing in number. But as they concentrate in urban areas, they lack in local areas. The lack of obstetrician and gynecologist and children's doctor especially causes a serious situation.

 

添削

 

Doctors are increasing in number. But as they concentrate in urban areas, they and there is a shortage lack in local areas.  Especially ,Tthe shortage lack of obstetrician and gynecologist and pediatricians children's doctor especially is causesing a serious problem in these areas situation.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。lackよりshortageのほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Doctors are increasing in number. But as they concentrate in urban areas, and there is a shortage in local areas. Especially, the shortage of obstetrician and gynecologist and pediatricians is causing a serious problem in these areas.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(つぶあんこ、29 March 08

 

Though the number of physicians has been growing, they are unevenly distributed. More physicians stay in the urban areas rather than the rural areas. That induced the shortage of physicians in the rural communities. Especially, the shortage of obstetricians and pediatricians has become a serious problem in the rural communities.

 

添削

 

Though the total number of physicians has been growing, they are unevenly distributed. There are proportionately1 Mmore physicians stay in the urban areas rather than the rural areas. That This has created induced the shortage of physicians in the rural communities. Especially, the shortage of obstetricians and pediatricians has become a serious problem in the rural communities.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       Proportionately を入れると意味がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Though the total number of physicians has been growing, they are unevenly distributed. There are proportionately more physicians in the urban areas than the rural areas. This has created the shortage of physicians in the rural communities. Especially, the shortage of obstetricians and pediatricians has become a serious problem in the rural communities.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 25 August 07

 

While the number of doctors is increasing across the country, there is a severe shortage of doctors in rural areas, especially in the fields of obstetric and pediatric care. This is because most doctors prefer to work in urban areas.

 

添削

 

1.       While the number of doctors is increasing across the country, there is a severe shortage of doctors in rural areas, especially in the fields of obstetric and pediatric care. This is because most doctors prefer to work in urban areas1.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 1(Hanasaki, 23 November 06

 

Although the number of doctors is increasing, the shortage of doctors at a maternity clinic and pediatric is serious situation in the rural area because they concentrate in the urban area.

 

添削

 

1.       Although the number of doctors is increasing nationwide, the shortage of doctors at a maternity clinic and pediatric unit is in a serious situation in the rural area because they concentrate in the urban area1.

 

コメント

 

「医師の数は増えているのに、都市部に偏在して地方の医師不足を招き」という一つ目の問題があり、この問題は特に産婦人科、小児科で顕著である、という二つ目の問題に続いています。投稿ではこの関係が省略されていますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Although the number of doctors is increasing nationwide, the shortage of doctors at a maternity clinic and pediatric unit is in a serious situation in the rural area because they concentrate in the urban area.

 

 

初級練習問題 398

 

電車に乗りMP3プレーヤーのイヤホンを耳にいれ、携帯電話でだれかにメッセージを書く。するとどんなに混んだ電車の中にいても、そこはすぐさま個人の部屋になる。携帯電話は「人とつながる」ことを売り物にしているが、実際は人をひとりずつの個室に押し込める道具である。

 

読者からの投稿 7(Lucca, 10 June 14

 

Imagine that you get on a train, put on earphones, listen to music and send messages to your friends by your cellular phone. You must feel as if you were in your private space even when you are on a crowded train. While self proclaimed advantage of the cellular phone is to connect people, the real effect is to confine people to their private rooms.

 

添削

 

Imagine that you get on a train, put on earphones, listen to music and send messages to your friends by your cellular phone. You must feel as if you were in your private space even when you are on a crowded train. While a1 self- proclaimed advantage of the cellular phone is to connect you to people, the real effect is to confine you people to their your private rooms.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。Youを主語にしたので話が具体的になっています。

 

1.       具体的な利益なので可算名詞扱いになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Imagine that you get on a train, put on earphones, listen to music and send messages to your friends by your cellular phone. You must feel as if you were in your private space even when you are on a crowded train. While a self- proclaimed advantage of the cellular phone is to connect you to people, the real effect is to confine you to your private room.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(OKEN, 20 March 12

 

Get on a train, wear earphones, and write an e-mail message for somebody into your cell phone. So, you are in the same situation as in your private room, even if you are in the most crowded train. The biggest attraction of cell phones are said to be “You can always be linked to someone through your cell phone.” Actually, cell phones are tools to confine you to the private rooms for each person. 

 

添削

 

Get on a train, wear earphones, and write an e-mail message for to somebody on into your cell phone. Then So, you feel like are in the same situation as if you were alone1 in your private room, even if when you are in the most crowded train. The biggest attraction of cell phones are is said to be ,“You can always be linked yourself with2  to someone through your cell phone.” Actually, cell phones are tools to confine each one of you to your the private rooms for each person. 

 

コメント

 

内容のほぼ総てがわかります。最後の文はfor each personの意味がわかりません。

 

1.       Feel like as if ~というよく使う言い回しがあります。

 

2.       ここは受動形より能動形のほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Get on a train, wear earphones, and write an e-mail message to somebody on your cell phone. Then, you feel like as if you were alone in your private room, even when you are in the most crowded train. The biggest attraction of cell phones is said to be ,“You can always link yourself with someone .” Actually, cell phones are tools to confine each one of you to your  private room. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 11 February 11

 

Get on the train and text-message someone while listening to an MP3 player plugged into your ears. And you will soon feel as if you were in your own room, however crowded the train may be. While a cell-phone features a sense of “staying connected”, actually it works as a device to confine people into their individual compartments.

 

添削

 

Get on the train and send a text -message to someone from your cellular phone and while listening1 to music by your an MP3 player plugged into your ears. And you will soon feel as if you were in your own room, however crowded the train may be. While a cell-phone features a sense of “staying connected”, actually it works as a device to confine people into their individual compartments.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       音楽を聴きながら携帯でメッセージを送る人もいるでしょうが、この文は動詞の命令形で統一した方が読みやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Get on the train and send a text message to someone from your cellular phone and listen to music by your MP3 player plugged into your ears. And you will soon feel as if you were in your own room however crowded the train may be. While a cell-phone features a sense of “staying connected”, actually it works as a device to confine people into their individual compartments.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(さくら、7 December 09

 

Get on a train, wear the headphones of the MP3player, and send a text message to someone. Then a space on the train turns into your private room. Mobile phone companies puff that a mobile phone encourages people to communicate, but ,in reality it is a tool to push an individual into his own isolated place.

 

添削

 

You1 Gget on a the2 train, wear the headphones of the a MP3player, and send a text message to someone. Then the a space around you3 on the train turns into your private room. Mobile phone companies puff that a mobile phone encourages people to communicate with each other, but ,in reality it is a tool to push an individual into his own isolated place.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。

 

1.       Get on ~.は歯切れの良い文ですが、「さあさあ〜しましょう。すると〜です。」と言った感じになります。携帯電話会社の宣伝文に良い感じです。次の文にyourがあるので、Youを入れると客観的に記述の感じになります。

 

2.       Get on a train.ですと、「(どれでもよいから)列車に乗って、(どこかに出かけて)」と言う感じです。Get on the train. ですと「(毎朝、通勤電車に乗って)という感じになります。

 

こうすると記述が具体的になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

You1 get on the train, wear the headphones of a MP3player, and send a text message to someone. Then the space around you on the train turns into your private room. Mobile phone companies puff that a mobile phone encourages people to communicate with each other but in reality it is a tool to push an individual into his own isolated place.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、15 May 08

 

People put earphones into their ears and write a message to someone with a mobile phone on a train. Then, even if they are on any crowded train, the train turns to their stateroom at once. Connecting people to people with mobile phones is one of the main selling points in mobile phones. But actually mobile phones are a tool which hustles people into a stateroom.

 

添削

 

People listen to music1 by put earphones into their ears while and sending write a message to someone with by a mobile phone on the a train. Then, even if they are on the any crowded train, the train turns into their stateroom private room2 at once. Connecting people to people with mobile phones is one of the main selling points of in mobile phones. But actually mobile phones are a tool which isolate3 them hustles people into an individual private room stateroom.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       listen to musicsend a messageを対比するとよいでしょう。

 

2.       a stateroomは客船などの特別室なので、ここでは単にa private roomでよいでしょう。

 

3.       connect, isolateを対比するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

People listen to music by earphones while sending a message by a mobile phone on the  train. Then, even if they are on the crowded train, the train turns into their private room at once. Connecting people to people is one of the main selling points of mobile phones. But actually mobile phones are a tool which isolate them into an individual private room .

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(つぶあんこ、 29 March 08

 

You get on a train, put on earphones, listen to your MP3 player and write a message on your cell phone. Then immediately you will feel like being in your private room, although you are in such a crowded train. The sales pitch of mobile phones is “you can connect with someone”, but in fact cell phones are tools to isolate people in each room.

 

添削

 

You get on a train, put on earphones, and listen to your MP3 player and while sending e-mail write a message on from your cell phone. Then immediately you will feel like being in your private room, although you are in on the such a crowded train. The sales pitch of a mobile phones is “you can connect with someone”, but in fact the cell phones are is a tools to isolate people into their own virtual each rooms1.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       to isolate people in each roomとすると、携帯を持っていれば自分の部屋からでなくても用が足せる、というように実際の部屋のも取れるので、their own virtual roomsとしてみました。

 

添削後の文章

 

You get on a train, put on earphones and listen to your MP3 player while sending e-mail  from your cell phone. Then immediately you will feel like being in your private room, although you are on the crowded train. The sales pitch of a mobile phone is “you can connect with someone”, but in fact the cell phone is a tool to isolate people into their own virtual rooms.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Hanasaki, 23 November 06

 

When you get on a train with listening to MP3 player with earphones plugged into your ears and send a message to someone on your cell-phone, the train immediately turns into your private room. Although cell-phones emphasize " easily contact with others" as their features, in reality, they are devices to confine people to their individual rooms.

 

添削

 

When you get on a train, with listening1 to your MP3 player with the earphones plugged into your ears and send a message to someone on your cell-phone, the train immediately turns into your private room2. Although all cell-phones advertisements3 emphasize, " you can easily contact with others," as their main features, in reality, they are devices to cell-phones4 confine people to their individual rooms.

 

コメント

 

1.       get on a train, listen to your mp3 player, and send a messageとすると文にリズムが出来ます。

 

2.       「どんなに混んだ電車の中にいても、そこはすぐさま個人の部屋になる。」をthe train immediately turns into your private room としたのは、わかりやすい表現ですね。

 

3.       cell-phonesを擬人化してもよいですが、添削のようにすると表現が客観的になります。

 

4.       cell-phonesを主語にすると、文が簡潔になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

When you get on a train, listen to your MP3 player with the earphones plugged into your ears and send a message to someone on your cell-phone, the train immediately turns into your private room. Although all cell-phone advertisements emphasize, " you can easily contact with others," as their main features, in reality, cell-phones confine people to their individual rooms.

 

 

初級練習問題 399

 

腹が減っては戦ができぬ、とはいうものの、場所を構わず食べていいわけがない。通勤電車の中で飲み食いする輩が年々増えている。空腹だから食べたいものをすぐ食べる。これでは動物と同じだ。

 

読者からの投稿 7(Lucca, 14 June 14

 

You may have seen more and more people eat on commuter trains. "You can't work on an empty stomach" as the Japanese proverb says, but it doesn't mean you can eat wherever you want. If you eat something then and there just because you are hungry, you behave yourself like animals.

 

添削

 

You may have seen more and more people eat on commuter trains. "You can't work on an empty stomach" as the Japanese proverb says, but it doesn't mean you can eat wherever you want. If you eat something then and there just because you are hungry, you behave yourself like animals.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

You may have seen more and more people eat on commuter trains. "You can't work on an empty stomach" as the Japanese proverb says, but it doesn't mean you can eat wherever you want. If you eat something then and there just because you are hungry, you behave like animals.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 11 February 11

 

An army marches on its stomach. It is true, but it doesn’t mean that you may eat regardless of where you are. We see an increasing number of people eating and drinking on the commuter trains. They eat everywhere merely because they get hungry. Such behaviors are no better than those of animals.

 

添削

 

An army marches on its stomach. It is true, but it doesn’t mean that you may eat regardless of where you are. We see an increasing number of people eating and drinking on the commuter trains. They eat everywhere merely because they get hungry. Such behaviors are no better than those of animals.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。添削箇所はありません。「腹が減っては戦ができぬ」はいろいろに英文で表現できますね。

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(さくら、9 December 09

 

People of old times said that you can not fight if you are hungry. But it does not always mean that you can eat food at anyplace. Recently more and more people come to eat food on the commuter train. They simply claim that they eat because they feel hungry. Their attitude seems to be the same to that of animals.

 

添削

 

There is an old saying1 People of old times said that you can not fight if you are hungry. But it does not always mean that you can eat food at anyplace. Recently more and more people come to eat food on the commuter train. They simply claim that they eat because they feel hungry. Then, Ttheir attitudes are2 seems to be the same as those to that of animals.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       that以下の現在形を活用するために、ここも現在形で表現しました。

 

2.       言い切ってよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

There is an old saying that you can not fight if you are hungry. But it does not always mean that you can eat food at anyplace. Recently more and more people come to eat food on the commuter train. They simply claim that they eat because they feel hungry. Then, their attitudes are the same as those of animals.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、15 May 08

 

There is a common saying that you can't fight on an empty stomach. But I think that it is not good to eat food in any places. People who eat and drink on a commuter train are increasing in number. Those who eat food regardless of place immediately when they become hungry are the same as animals.

 

添削

 

There is a common saying that you can't fight on an empty stomach. But I think that it is not good to eat food in any places. People who eat and drink on a the commuter train are increasing in number. Those who eat food regardless of place immediately whenever they become hungry are the same as animals.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。you can't fight on an empty stomachがわかりやすいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

There is a common saying that you can't fight on an empty stomach. But I think that it is not good to eat food in any places. People who eat and drink on the commuter train are increasing in number. Those who eat food regardless of place whenever they become hungry are the same as animals.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 24 August 07

 

A proverb says you can't do well when you are hungry. This doesn't mean, however, you can eat wherever you like. I see a lot of people eating on the commuter train. If you eat any time and anywhere just because you are hungry, you are the same as an animal.

 

添削

 

A proverb says you can't do well when you are hungry. This doesn't mean, however, you can eat wherever you like. I see a lot of people eating on the commuter train. If you eat any time and anywhere just because you are hungry, you are the same as an animal1.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の総てがわかります。「腹が減っては戦ができぬ。」を内容を取って、you can't do well when you are hungry. と英文で説明していますね。日本の諺と近いようなa proverbが英語にあることもありますが、このようなものを探すのは大変なので、一般的には内容を説明するのが良いでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

添削箇所はありません。

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(あすか、9 April 07

 

As the proverb goes "An empty sack cannot stand upright.", it means that you can't worry about etiquette on an empty stomach. However, we shouldn't eat and drink in public. I see often that a lot of people eat and drink in a commuter train these days. Whenever you are hungry and thirsty, you eat and drink anywhere. Their behaviour is no different from wild animals.

 

添削

 

As the a proverb goes, "An empty sack cannot stand upright1,.", it means that2 you can't worry about etiquette on an empty stomach. However, we shouldn't eat and drink anywhere and any time we like in public3. I often see often that more and more a lot of people eat and drink on the in a commuter train these days. Whenever you are hungry and thirsty, If you eat and drink at any place anywhere whenever you are hungry and thirsty,. Their your4 behaviour will be is no different from wild animals.

 

コメント

 

1.       こういう英語の諺がありますか。「腹が減っては戦が出来ぬ」に内容が似ていますね。「「腹が減っては戦が出来ぬ」は中国の故事に由来するという説があります。一般的には「空腹では、何事も身を入れてやれない。」という意味で使われますが、諺に特有な教訓的な意味は薄い感じです。諺というより「さあ、飯にするか」といった慣用句として使われているのでしょう。

 

2.       As a proverb goes, “~,” it means that ~.とは文がうまくつながりません。添削のようにするか、またはA proverb says, “~.” This means that ~.とすると文がつながります。

 

3.       in publicは「他人のいるところで、他人に見られるところで」という意味ですから、公園でピクニックの食事をしたり、レストランで食事をするのも入ると思います。ここでは「時と場所をわきまえずに」にしました。

 

4.       文の内容の順序を添削のように変えて、主語をyouで統一すると論理がすっきりします。you behave like a wild animal.とするともっと直裁になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

As a proverb goes, "An empty sack cannot stand upright," you can't worry about etiquette on an empty stomach. However, we shouldn't eat and drink anywhere and any time we like. I often see that more and more people eat and drink on the commuter train these days. If you eat and drink at any place whenever you are hungry and thirsty, your behaviour will be no different from wild animals.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Hanasaki, 24 November 06

 

It is true that we can't show our true strength when we are hungry. However, it doesn’t mean that we can eat everywhere without thinking where we are. More and more people eat and drink in a commuter train year by year. If we eat then and there because we are hungry, we are not different from other animals.

 

添削

 

It is true that we can't show our true strength when we are hungry1. However, it doesn’t mean that we can eat everywhere anywhere2 without thinking where we are. More and more people eat and drink on the in a commuter train year by year. If we eat then and there because whenever we get are hungry, we are not different from other animals.

 

コメント

 

1.       「腹が減っては戦ができぬ。」はいろいろな英語表現が出来るのしょうが、Hanasakiさんの表現はわかりやすいですね。

 

2.       eat everywhere 「あっちでもこっちでもどこでも食べる」、eat anywhere 「(場所を特定せず)どこでも食べる」ですから、後者になります。In the park, you can see people eating and drinking everywhere.「公園では、あっちでもこっちでも(あなたの見えるところはどこでも)食べたり飲んだりしている人がいる。」

 

添削後の文章

 

It is true that we can't show our true strength when we are hungry. However, it doesn’t mean that we can eat anywhere without thinking where we are. More and more people eat and drink on the commuter train. If we eat whenever we get hungry, we are not different from other animals.

 

 

初級練習問題 400

 

英政府は10月30日、地球の温暖化が引き起こす気候変動の影響を包括的にまとめた報告書を発表した。報告書は、地球の温暖化が進行すれば、自然災害が多発し、今世紀中盤までに2億人が自宅を失い、最多で種の4割が絶滅に瀕すると指摘。東京も海面の上昇で水害の危機に直面すると警告した。

 

読者からの投稿 7(Lucca, 21 June 14

 

On October 30, the British government released a comprehensive report on the effect of the climate change caused by the global warming. The report predicted that two billion people would lose their homes by the middle of this century and the number of species would decrease by 40 percent at the most as the global warming would trigger many natural disasters in the future. Also, Tokyo will suffer from floods due to the sea levels rise.

 

添削

 

On October 30, the British government released a comprehensive report on the effect of the climate change caused by the global warming. The report predicted that two hundred million billion people would lose their homes by the middle of this century and the number of species would decrease by 40 percent at the most as the global warming would trigger many natural disasters in the future. Also, Tokyo will suffer from floods due to a rise of the sea levels rise.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります(数字が違いますが)。読みやすい構成の文章です。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 30, the British government released a comprehensive report on the effect of the climate change caused by the global warming. The report predicted that two hundred million  people would lose their homes by the middle of this century and the number of species would decrease by 40 percent at the most as the global warming would trigger many natural disasters in the future. Also, Tokyo will suffer from floods due to a rise of the sea level.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(OKEN, 29 August 12

 

The British Government released a report on October 30 that they compiled comprehensively about climate changes caused by global warming. According to the report, if global warming increases, a lot of natural disasters will happen, more than two hundred million people will lose their houses by the middle of this century, and forty percent of the species at most will face extinction. They also warn that Tokyo will face a serious threat of flooding due to rise in sea level.

 

添削

 

On October 30, Tthe British Government released a comprehensive report on October 30 that they compiled comprehensively about climateic changes caused by global warming. According to the report, if global warming continues increases, a lot of natural disasters will happen ,and1 more than two hundred million people will lose their houses by the middle of this century, and forty percent of the species at most will face extinction. The report2 They also warns that Tokyo will face a serious threat of flooding due to rise in the sea level.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       andの前が原因、後がその結果ですからandの前のコンマを削除して関連を密接にします。

 

2.       According to the reportthe reportを隠れた主語にしているので、ここでもthe reportを主語にして統一します。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 30, the British Government released a comprehensive report on climatic changes caused by global warming. According to the report, if global warming continues, a lot of natural disasters will happen and more than two hundred million people will lose their houses by the middle of this century, and forty percent of the species at most will face extinction. The report also warns that Tokyo will face a serious threat of flooding due to rise in the sea level.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 11 February 11

 

The British government released on October 30 a comprehensive report on the impact of the global warming on climate change. The report says if the global warming is left unchecked, it will cause climate change which in turn will trigger lots of natural disasters. By the middle of this century, as many as 200 million people will lose their shelters, and up to 40% of species of animals and plants will be brought to the brink of extinction. The report also warns that the rise in the sea level in Tokyo Bay caused by global warming will threaten to submerge our metropolis.

 

添削

 

The British government released on October 30 a comprehensive report on the impact of the global warming on climate change. The report says if the global warming is left unchecked, it will cause climate change which in turn will trigger lots of natural disasters. By the middle of this century, as many as 200 million people will lose their shelters, and up to 40% of species of animals and plants will be brought to the brink of extinction. The report also warns that the rise in the sea level in Tokyo Bay caused by global warming will threaten to submerge our metropolis.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The British government released on October 30 a comprehensive report on the impact of global warming on climate change. The report says if global warming is left unchecked, it will cause climate change which in turn will trigger lots of natural disasters. By the middle of this century, as many as 200 million people will lose their shelters, and up to 40% of species of animals and plants will be brought to the brink of extinction. The report also warns that the rise in the sea level in Tokyo Bay caused by global warming will threaten to submerge our metropolis.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(さくら、9 December 09

 

On October 30th, the British government issued a report comprehensively assessing the effects of climate change caused by global warming. The report has pointed that if global warming proceeds further, we will have more natural disasters and more than 200 million people will lose their houses as well as at most 40 percent of species on the earth will become extinct. The report has also warned that Tokyo will face the crisis of flood due to the raise of water level.

 

添削

 

On October 30th, the British Ggovernment issued a report comprehensively assessing the effects of climate change caused by global warming. The report has pointeds1 out that if global warming proceeds further, we will have more natural disasters and more than 200 million people will lose their houses as well as at most 40 percent of species on the earth will become extinct. The report has also warned that Tokyo will face a major the crisis of flood disaster due to the rising raise of water water levels in the oceans2.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       未来に関する内容の報告書なので、現在形のほうが効果的でしょう。

 

2.       このように表現したほうが具体的でしょう。北極、、南極の万年氷が溶けて、世界中の海で海面が上昇し、東京湾の水位も上昇して、東京の低地は洪水になる、ということでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 30th, the British Government issued a report comprehensively assessing the effects of climate change caused by global warming. The report points out that if global warming proceeds further, we will have more natural disasters and more than 200 million people will lose their houses as well as at most 40 percent of species on the earth will become extinct. The report has also warned that Tokyo will face a major flood disaster due to the rising  water levels in the oceans.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、17 May 08

 

The British government announced on October 30 a report that comprehensively summarized the influence of climatic fluctuation caused by global warming. The report says that as an increase in global warming frequently causes natural disasters, 2 billion people will lose their own house and up to 40% of species will approach extermination. The report also says that Tokyo will face flood crisis due to sea levels rise.

 

添削

 

The British government announced released on October 30 a report that comprehensively summarized the influence of climatic fluctuation caused by global warming on climatic change1. The report says that as an increase in global warming2 proceeds, frequently causes natural disasters will happen more frequently,. By the middle of this century, 2 billion people will lose their own house homes and up to 40% of species will face approach extinction extermination. The report also says that Tokyo will encounter face floods crisis due to a rise in the sea levels rise.

 

コメント

 

1.       まず地球の温暖化の気候変動に対する影響と記述して、気候変動の具体例を以下の文章で記述したほうが内容がわかりやすくなるでしょう。

 

2.       global warmingは地峡の温暖化という現象なのでas global warming proceedsとします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The British government released on October 30 a report that comprehensively summarized the influence of global warming on climatic change. The report says that as global warming proceeds, natural disasters will happen more frequently. By the middle of this century, 2 billion people will lose their homes and up to 40% of species will face extinction. The report also says that Tokyo will encounter floods due to a rise in the sea level.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 24 February 07

 

On October 30, the British Government released a general report on the possible implications of climate change caused by global warming. The report warned that if global warming continues at its predicted pace, we will face serious situations as follows:

 

1.      There will be more frequent natural disasters,

2.      About 200 million people will lose or have to leave their homes,

3.      As many as 40 percent of species will be threaten with extinction,

4.      Flood will hit Tokyo areas due to rise in sea level.

 

添削

 

On October 30, the British Government released a general comprehensive report on the possible implications of climateic change caused by global warming. The report warneds1 that if global warming continues at its predicted pace, we will face serious situations as follows: 2

 

1.      There will be more frequent natural disasters,

2.      About 200 million people will lose or have to leave their homes,

3.      As many as 40 percent of species will be threatened to become extinct with extinction, and

4.      Floods will hit Tokyo areas due to a rise in the sea level in Tokyo Bay.

 

コメント

 

1.      報告の内容ということで現在形にすると簡単になります。ここを過去形にするとthat節の中も時制の一致で過去形にする必要があることもあります(that節の内容が一般的な真実なら現在形で表現することもありますが)。

 

2.      並行構造でわかりやすく内容が整理してありますね。このような列記のスタイルは

 

~ as follows:

 

1.     A;

2.     B;

3.     C; and

4.     D.

 

という形式が一番フォーマル(従来の形式)ですが、最近はKaloさんのようにコンマにする形式も増えています。政府のお知らせなど、簡潔を重要視する文書では単にピリオドを使って(andを省略して)各項目を列記することもあります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 30, the British Government released a comprehensive report on the possible implications of climatic change caused by global warming. The report warns that if global warming continues at its predicted pace, we will face serious situations as follows:

 

1.      There will be more frequent natural disasters,

2.      About 200 million people will lose or have to leave their homes,

3.      As many as 40 percent of species will be threatened to become extinct, and

4.      Floods will hit Tokyo due to a rise in the sea level in Tokyo Bay.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(YASUKUN, 30 January 07

 

On October 30th, the British government publicized the report which summarized a wide range of climatic effects on the Earth caused by the global warming. The report said, "If natural disasters occur more frequently due to the progress of the global warming, two hundred million people will lose their houses and at most 40 percent of people will die." The report also said, "Tokyo will face crises of flood because of a rise in ocean level caused by the global warming."

 

添削

 

On October 30th, the British gGovernment publicized released1 the a report which summarized a wide range of climatic effects on the Earth caused by the global warming. The report said, "If global warming continues at the current pace2, natural disasters will occur more frequently due to the progress of the global warming, two hundred million people will lose their houses and at most 40 percent of people species3 will die be lost by mid-century." The report also said, "Tokyo will face a crisies of flood because of a rise in the ocean level in Tokyo Bay will rise caused by the global warming4."

 

コメント

 

1.       publicizeは「広く伝える」の意味なので、ここでは単にreleaseでよいでしょう。

 

2.       もしAならBになる、という文の構造のほうが因果関係がはっきりします。

 

3.       「最多で種の4割が絶滅に瀕する」は動植物の種類のことだと思います。人類も危機に瀕するには違いないですが。

 

4.       理由が長いときはbecause of ~の句ではなく、because ~の節のほうが内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 30th, the British Government released a report which summarized a wide range of climatic effects on the Earth caused by global warming. The report said, "If global warming continues at the current pace, natural disasters will occur more frequently, two hundred million people will lose their houses and at most 40 percent of species will be lost by mid-century." The report also said, "Tokyo will face a crisis of flood because the ocean level in Tokyo Bay will rise by global warming."