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初級練習問題添削 351−360

 

初級練習問題 351 (29 Sept 06) (11 Oct 06) (16 Dec 06) (18 Feb 07) (22 Apr 08)

                                 (17 May 09)              (2 Dec 10) (8 Oct 13) (10 Nov 13)

初級練習問題 352 (30 Sept 06) (12 Oct 06) (17 Dec 06) (18 Feb 07) (22 Apr 08)

                                 (2 June 09)              (2 Dec 10) (13 Oct 13) (11 Nov 13)

初級練習問題 353 (1 Oct 06) (13 Oct 06) (22 Apr 08) (30 May 09) (2 Dec 10) (13 Oct 13)

                           (11 Nov 13)

初級練習問題 354 (3 Oct 06) (14 Oct 06) (20 Dec 06) (22 Apr 08) (30 May 09) (2 Dec 10)

                               (13 Oct 13)              (13 Nov 13)

初級練習問題 355 (3 Oct 06) (17 Oct 06) (31 Dec 06) (22 Apr 08) (3 June 09) (2 Dec 10)

                           (27 Oct 13) (13 Nov 13)

初級練習問題 356 (4 Oct 06) (19 Oct 06) (27 Dec 06) (24 Apr 08) (4 June 09) (8 Dec 10)

           (18 Oct 12) (27 Oct 13) (14 Nov 13)   

初級練習問題 357 (5 Oct 06) (25 Oct 06) (24 Apr 08) (8 Dec 10) (OKEN, 31 August 13)

                     (27 Oct 13)

初級練習問題 358 (7 Oct 06) (28 Oct 06) (29 Dec 06) (25 Apr 08) (7 June 09) (9 Dec 10)

                     (27 Oct 13)

初級練習問題 359 (7 Oct 06) (31 Oct 06) (6 Jan 07) (25 Apr 08) (7 June 09) (9 Dec 10)

                     (11 Aug 12) (8 Nov 13)

初級練習問題 360 (9 Oct 06) (2 Nov 06) (6 Jan 07) (25 Apr 08) (13 June 09) (9 Dec 10)

 

初級練習問題 351

 

東大、京大、筑波大の3大学は9月5日、2008年からの運用開始を目指してスーパーコンピューターを市販で入手可能な部品を使い共同開発すると発表した。

 

読者からの投稿 9(Kalo, 10 November 13

 

On September 9, the University of Tokyo, Kyoto University and Tsukuba University announced that they would jointly develop a supercomputer by using commercially available parts. They aim to start running the operation in 2008.

 

添削

 

On September 9, the University of Tokyo, Kyoto University and Tsukuba University announced that they would jointly develop a supercomputer by using commercially available parts. They aim to start running the operation computer in 2008.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On September 9, the University of Tokyo, Kyoto University and Tsukuba University announced that they would jointly develop a supercomputer by using commercially available parts. They aim to start running the computer in 2008.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(Lucca, 8 October 13

 

On 5 September, Tokyo, Kyoto and Tsukuba Universities announced that they would jointly develop a supercomputer by using commercially available parts. They will start operating the computer in 2008.

 

添削

 

On 5 September, a group of Tokyo, Kyoto and Tsukuba University ies announced that they would jointly develop a supercomputer by using commercially available parts. They will start operating the computer in 2008.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       このおまけを入れたほうが、突然 Tokyo, Kyoto and Tsukubaという単語がでてくる唐突さを避けて文を読みやすくします。

 

2.       Tokyo University, Kyoto University and Tsukuba Universityの略式になるので単数にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

On 5 September, a group of Tokyo, Kyoto and Tsukuba University announced that they would jointly develop a supercomputer by using commercially available parts. They will start operating the computer in 2008.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 2 December 10

 

On September 5, Tokyo, Kyoto and Tsukuba University jointly announced that they would co-develop a supercomputer using only commercially available components aiming at commencing operations in 2008.

 

添削

 

On September 5, Tokyo, Kyoto and Tsukuba University jointly announced that they would co-develop a supercomputer using only commercially available components aiming at commencing its operations in 2008.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On September 5, Tokyo, Kyoto and Tsukuba University jointly announced that they would co-develop a supercomputer using only commercially available components aiming at commencing its operation in 2008.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(さくら、17 May 09

 

The University of Tokyo, Kyoto University and University of Tukuba announced on September 5 that they would start to develop together a super-computer only using the parts that are available in the market in the hope of its operation in 2008.

 

添削

 

The University of Tokyo, Kyoto and Tsukuba University1 and University of Tukuba jointly announced on September 5 that they would start to develop together a super-computer together only using the  computer parts that are available in the market. They hope2 to start operating the computer in the hope of its operation in 2008.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       大学の呼称については読者からの投稿・コメント1を参照してください。

 

2.       新しい内容なので新しい文にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Tokyo, Kyoto and Tsukuba University jointly announced on September 5 that they would start to develop a super-computer together only using computer parts that are available in the market. They hope to start operating the computer in 2008.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、22 April 08

 

Tokyo, Kyoto and Tsukuba universities announced that they would jointly develop a supercomputer which was aimed at starting its operation in 2008. Parts available on shelves will be used for the computer.

 

添削

 

Tokyo, Kyoto and Tsukuba universities University1 announced that they would jointly develop a supercomputer which was aimed at starting its operation in 2008. Only those Pparts available on shelves will be used for the computer.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       固有名詞のTokyo University, Kyoto University and Tsukuba UniversityUniversityを一つで間に合わせた形になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Tokyo, Kyoto and Tsukuba University1 announced that they would jointly develop a supercomputer which was aimed at starting its operation in 2008. Only those parts available on shelves will be used for the computer.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(HANASAKI, 18 February 07

 

The Universities of Tokyo, Kyoto and Tsukuba have announced that they will jointly develop a super computer on September 5. This super computer is made using commercially available parts and aims to start its operation in 2008.

 

添削

 

The Universityies1 of Tokyo, Kyoto and Tsukuba have announced on September 52 that they will jointly develop a super computer on September 5. This super computer is will be made of only using commercially available parts and aims is planned to start its operation in 2008.

 

 

コメント

 

1.       固有名詞なので複数形になりません。大学名にはthe University of TokyoTokyo Universityという二つの系統があり、それぞれの大学でことなります。問題例の大学はTokyo University, Kyoto University, Tsukuba Universityという名称を使っています。

 

2.       この日付がthat節の中にあると、will jointly develop a super computer on September 5とつながったしまうので、添削の位置に置きます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The University of Tokyo, Kyoto and Tsukuba have announced on September 5 that they will jointly develop a super computer. This super computer will be made of only commercially available parts and is planned to start its operation in 2008.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(あすか、16 December 06

 

On September 5, Tokyo University, Kyoto University and Tukuba University announced that they will jointly develop a supercomputer with using the parts they can buy everywhere. They are trying for the use of the computer in 2008.

 

添削

 

On September 5, Tokyo University, Kyoto University and Tukuba University announced that they will jointly develop a supercomputer with using the only parts they can buy everywhere at regular retail shops1. They are trying planning2 to for the start using use of the computer in 2008.

 

コメント

 

1.       市販で、ということを補足説明するとよいでしょう。

 

2.       〜を目指す、は 〜を予定している、とするとわかりやすくなるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On September 5, Tokyo University, Kyoto University and Tukuba University announced that they will jointly develop a supercomputer using only parts they can buy at regular retail shops. They are planning to start using the computer in 2008.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(すみれ、11 October 06

 

On Sep. 5, The University of Tokyo, Kyoto Univ. and Tsukuba Univ. announced that they were going to develop jointly a supercomputer with parts available in the market, aiming for the use in 2008.

 

添削

 

On Sep September. 5, The University of Tokyo, Kyoto UnivUniversity. and University of Tsukuba Univ.1 announced that they were going to jointly2 develop jointly a supercomputer with parts available in the market., They are3 aiming for the use of the computer in 2008.

 

コメント

 

1.       ウェブページによるとThe University of Tokyo, Kyoto University, University of Tsukubaとなっています。大学の名称はそれぞれに違っていて規則性がありませんが、一般的にThe University of Tokyoのように東京で一番だと言いたい大学はthe University of ~という名称が多く、だれでも知っているからわざわざtheをつける必要も無いという大学はKyoto Universityというような名称を使います。University of Tsukubaは変則ですね。Sept. 5, Kyoto Univ.というような省略表現は、正式な英文の練習では(この講座は正式な、フォーマルな、英文を書くことを目的にしています)使わないほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       develop jointly a supercomputerが従来の副詞の位置でしたが、現在ではjointly develop a supercomputerという副詞の位置のほうが一般的になっています。

 

3.       ここから新しい文にしたほうが新しい内容がはっきりするのでよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On September 5, The University of Tokyo, Kyoto University and University of Tsukuba  announced that they were going to jointly develop jointly a supercomputer with parts available in the market. They are aiming for the use of the computer in 2008.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Keicoco, 29 September 06

 

The three universitiesTokyo University, Kyoto University and Tsukuba Universityannounced on September 5 that they are planning to jointly develop a supercomputer that will be made from store-bought computer components. They also aim to put the supercomputer into practical use in 2008.

 

添削

 

The three universities1Tokyo University, Kyoto University and Tsukuba Universityannounced on September 5 that they are planning to jointly develop a supercomputer that will be made from store-bought computer components. They also aim to put the supercomputer into practical use in 2008.

 

コメント

 

1.       これら三つの大学に特別な意味が無いようなので、The three universitiesは入れなくてもよいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

The three universitiesTokyo University, Kyoto University and Tsukuba Universityannounced on September 5 that they are planning to jointly develop a supercomputer that will be made from store-bought computer components. They aim to put the supercomputer into practical use in 2008.

 

 

初級練習問題 352

 

オークションサイトで売られている中古スマートフォンには個人情報が残されている場合が多い。売り手はオークションに出す前に個人情報を完全に消去する注意が必要である。

 

読者からの投稿 9(Kalo, 11 November 13

 

Secondhand smartphones at online auction often contain personal information. Sellers should make sure that their personal information is completely deleted.

 

添削

 

Secondhand smart-phones at online auction sites often contain personal information. Sellers should make sure that their personal information is completely deleted before they put them up on auction sites.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Secondhand smart-phones at online auction sites often contain personal information. Sellers should make sure that their personal information is completely deleted before they put them up on auction sites.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(Lucca, 13 October 13

 

Used smart phones on sale on auction sites often contain personal information of the former owners. The owners should make sure to delete all their personal information before they place their smart phones on auction sites.

 

添削

 

Used smart phones on sale on at internet auction sites often contain personal information of the former owners. The owners should make sure to delete all of their personal information before they place their smart phones at on auction sites.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Used smart phones at internet auction sites often contain personal information of former owners. The owners should make sure to delete all of their personal information before they place their smart phones at auction sites.

             

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 2 December 10

 

Many used smart-phones sold at online auction websites still contain private information of their original owners. Any sellers should completely erase their personal data before putting their phones up for auction. 

 

添削

 

Many used smart-phones sold at online auction websites still contain private information of their original owners. Any sellers should completely erase their personal data before putting their phones up for auction. 

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Many used smart-phones sold at online auction websites still contain private information of their original owners. Any sellers should completely erase their personal data before putting their phones up for auction. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(さくら、2 June 09

 

Individuals’ information is often remained in the used smart phones which are sold at auctions. Sellers should be careful to erase all private information before bringing them to the auctions.

 

添削

 

Individuals’ Personal1 information is often remaineds in the used smart phones which are sold at auctions. Sellers should be careful to erase all private information before bringing them to the auctions.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       individual informationというと「それぞれの人の情報」という意味もありますが、「(携帯電話の中の)それぞれの情報」という意味もあります。「個人情報」と明確にするにはpersonal informationとするとよいでしょう。またPersonal information remains in the cellular phone.という構文が一般的です。

 

添削後の文章

 

Personal information often remains in the used smart phones which are sold at auctions. Sellers should be careful to erase all private information before bringing them to the auctions.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、22 April 08

 

Personal information is left in used Smart Phones sold on an auction in many cases. Sellers need to perfectly erase personal information before they auction Smart Phones.

 

添削

 

Personal information is left in used Smart Phones sold on an Internet auction sites in many cases. Sellers need to perfectly erase personal information before they auction Smart Phones.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Personal information is left in used Smart Phones sold on Internet auction sites in many cases. Sellers need to perfectly erase personal information before they auction Smart Phones.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(HANASAKI, 18 February 07

 

It's often the case that personal data is left in a used Smartphone sold at the internet auction. A seller should be careful to completely wipe out his/her data in it before putting it at auction.

 

添削

 

It's It is1 often the case that personal data is left in a used Smartphone2 sold at the iInternet auctions. A seller should be careful to completely wipe out his/her data in it the smart phone before putting it up at auction.

 

コメント

 

1.       口語体の文章にはこのような省略形を使いますが、文語体(という言葉の適当な英語が見つからないのですが、報告書のような文書と思ってください)では省略形を使わないほうがフォーマルな感じでよいと〈私は〉思います。

 

2.       日本の携帯電話事情に疎いのですが、スマートフォーンが商品名ならば、固有名詞なので投稿のようになります。もし、いろいろな機能を備えた携帯電話の普通名詞ならば、添削のようになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

It is often the case that personal data is left in a used Smartphone sold at Internet auctions. A seller should be careful to completely wipe out his/her data in the smart phone before putting it up at auction.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(あすか、17 December 06

 

Many smart cellular phones which are sold on on line auction sites remain the personal information of their owners. Anyone who sells the smart cellular phone should completely delete his information before selling it on on line auction.

 

添削

 

Many smart cellular phones which are sold on on line auction sites remain still hold1 the personal information of their owners. Anyone who sells the a smart cellular phone should completely delete his personal2 information before selling it on on line auction.

 

コメント

 

1.       remainを使うと、文の主語が次のようになります。Personal information of their owners remain on many smart cellular phones.

 

2.       短い文章ですが、personal informationという句が既に文章に出ているので、これを繰り返したほうが内容がはっきりします。このような句の繰り返しは文章を煩雑にするのではないか、と思いがちですが、そういうことはありません。

 

添削後の文章

 

Many smart cellular phones which are sold on online auction sites still hold personal information of their owners. Anyone who sells a smart cellular phone should completely delete his personal information before selling it on online auction.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(すみれ、12 October 06

 

Many used smart cellular phones are on sale in Web auction sites. The personal data of the former owners often stay unerased in them. You must be careful enough to completely erase personal information before selling the smart cellular phones you have once used.

 

添削

 

Many used smart cellular phones are on sale in at Web auction sites. Some of them have1 The personal data of the a former owners2 often stay still un-erased3 in them. You must be careful enough to4 completely erase personal information before selling the smart cellular phones you have once used.

 

コメント

 

1.       前の文とのつながりをよくするために、Some of them ~と始めるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       some of themは複数なのでformer ownersと複数にするのが論理的ですが、英文では、この複数の所有者の代表としてa former ownerと単数で表現するのが一般的です。

 

3.       unerasedは意味はわかりますが、このままの形で辞書に出ていないのでun-erasedとするとよいでしょう。

 

4.       「完全に消去する注意が必要である」をyou must be careful to completely erase ~としてもよいのですが、「〜する注意が必要がある」は「〜しなければならない」の丁寧な言い方で、「注意」にはあまり意味がありません。英文ではyou must completely erase ~と簡明にしたほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Many used smart cellular phones are on sale at Web auction sites. Some of them have  personal data of a former owner still un-erased. You must completely erase personal information before selling the smart cellular phone you have once used.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Keicoco, 30 Sept 06

 

Used smartphones that are sold on online auction site often still hold the private information of their owners’. Anyone who sells his smartphone is required to completely erase his private information before auctioning

 

添削

 

Many1 Uused smartphones2 that are sold on online auction sites often still hold the private personal information3 of their owners. Anyone who sells4 his smartphone is required well advised5 to completely erase his private personal information before auctioning

 

1.       often still holdと副詞が二つ続いてリズムが良くないのでMany used smartphonesとしました。

 

2.       smartphonesはまだ広く使われていないので、smart cellular phonesと説明的に表現するとよいでしょう。

 

3.       private informationはその人だけが使い、他の人に使わせない情報(例えばメモとか、日記など)でpersonal informationはその人個人に関する情報(例えば住所とか、電話番号など)です。personal informationほほうがprivate informationより範囲が広くなります。ここではpersonal informationがよいでしょう。

 

4.       「売り手は〜」はSellers of such cellular phones ~と表現してもよいですが、Anyone who sells ~としたほうが内容が強調されますね。

 

5.       「〜する注意が必要である」をis required to ~とすると、オークションの規則でこのようなことを義務付けられている、という意味にもとれます。is well advised to ~または簡単にAnyone who sells his smart phone should completely erase ~とするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Many used smart phones that are sold on online auction sites still hold the personal information of their owners. Anyone who sells his smart phone is well advised to completely erase his personal information before auctioning

 

 

初級練習問題 353

 

仙台市民はスパゲティが好きである。一人当たりの年間購入量は2000年の全国14位から2005年の全国2位まで急上昇した。

 

読者からの投稿8(Kalo, 11 November 13

 

People in Sendai City like spaghetti. Their annual purchase of spaghetti per capita jumped from the 14th in 2000 to the second highest in 2005 in the country.

 

添削

 

People in Sendai City like spaghetti. Their annual purchase of spaghetti per capita jumped from the 14th in 2000 to the second place highest in 2005 in the country.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

People in Sendai City like spaghetti. Their annual purchase of spaghetti per capita jumped from the 14th in 2000 to the second place in 2005 in the country.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(Lucca, 13 October 13

 

People in Sendai City really like spaghetti. The purchase of spaghetti per person per year in Sendai was rated to be the second place nationwide in 2005, whereas it was the fourteenth place nationwide in 2000.

 

添削

 

People in Sendai City really like spaghetti. The purchase of spaghetti per person per year in Sendai was rated to be at the second place nationwide in 2005, whereas it was the fourteenth place nationwide in 2000.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

People in Sendai City really like spaghetti. The purchase of spaghetti per person per year in Sendai was rated to be at the second place nationwide in 2005, whereas it was the fourteenth place nationwide in 2000.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 2 December 10

 

People in Sendai City love spaghetti very much. Their annual spaghetti consumption per capita moved up 12 notches to the second highest in Japan in 2005 from 14th place in 2000.

 

添削

 

People in Sendai City love spaghetti very much. Their annual spaghetti consumption per capita moved up 12 notches from the 14th highest in 20001 to the second highest in Japan in 2005 among Japanese cities from 14th place in 2000.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       内容を一番確実に、読者の脳の活動を最小に抑えて伝達するにはこの順序のほうがよいとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

People in Sendai City love spaghetti very much. Their annual spaghetti consumption per capita moved up from the 14th highest in 2000 to the second highest in 2005 among Japanese cities .

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(さくら、30 May 09

 

People in Sendai City like spaghetti. The spaghetti consumption per capita in Sendai City soared to the second highest in Japan in 2005 from the 14th in 2005.

 

添削

 

People in Sendai City like spaghetti. The amount of spaghetti purchased consumption per capita in Sendai City soared to the second highest in Japan in 2005 from the 14th in 2005.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかりますが、日本文には「一人当たりの年間購入量」とあるので添削のようにしたほうが正確です。

 

添削後の文章

 

People in Sendai City like spaghetti. The amount of spaghetti purchased per capita in Sendai City soared to the second highest in Japan in 2005 from the 14th in 2005.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、22 April 08

 

People in Sendai City like spaghetti. Yearly purchase per person sharply rose from a fourteenth place in 2000 to a second place in 2005 in the nation.

 

添削

 

People in Sendai City like spaghetti. The amount of yYearly purchase per person sharply rose from a the fourteenth place in 2000 to a the second place in 2005 in Japan the nation. 

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかりますが、日本文には

 

添削後の文章

 

People in Sendai City like spaghetti. The amount of yearly purchase per person sharply rose from the fourteenth place in 2000 to the second place in 2005 in Japan . 

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(あすか、17 December 06

 

People who live in Sendai City love spaghetti because their annual volume of spaghetti reached second place in 2005 in Japan from the fourteen place in 2000.

 

添削

 

People who live in Sendai City love spaghetti. because1 tTheir annual volume of purchase of spaghetti per person2 reached moved up to the second place in 2005 in Japan from the fourteen place in 2000.

 

コメント

 

1.       because で因果関係をあらわす時はPeople who live in Sendai City must love spaghetti because ~とします。「年間購入量からみて、仙台の人はスパゲッティ好きに違いない。」という意味になります。添削のように文章を切っても、内容の流れからこのことはわかるでしょう。

 

2.       「一人当たりの年間購入量」は大事な情報なので添削のようにします。

 

添削後の文章

 

People who live in Sendai City love spaghetti. Their annual volume of purchase of spaghetti per person moved up to the second place in 2005 in Japan from the fourteen place in 2000.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(すみれ、13 October 06

 

People in Sendai city are great spaghetti-lovers. The annual purchase volume of spaghetti per capita in Sendai has sharply increased. It was ranked fourteenth in 2000, but second in 2005 in Japan.

 

添削

 

People in Sendai cCity1 are great spaghetti-lovers2. The annual purchase volume3 of spaghetti purchased per capita in Sendai has sharply increased. It was ranked fourteenth in 2000, but second in 2005 in Japan.

 

コメント

 

1.       固有名詞なので大文字で始めます。People in the City of Sendai, People in Sendai Cityのどちらでもよいでしょう。

 

2.       great spaghetti-loversという表現が英語のありますね。この文では適切ですね。

 

3.       the annual purchase volume of spaghettiのように名詞を重ねることを英語はきらいます。「年間購入量」と日本語では購入は次の量を就職しているとすぐにわかりますが、英語ではpurchasevolumeの関係がすこし曖昧です。添削のようにthe annual volume of spaghetti (that was purchased ) per capita in Sendaiとするのがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

People in Sendai City are great spaghetti-lovers. The annual volume of spaghetti purchased per capita in Sendai has sharply increased. It was ranked fourteenth in 2000 but second in 2005 in Japan.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Keicoco, 1 October 06

 

People in Sendai City like spaghetti. The annual purchase of spaghetti per capita in Sendai City jumped to second place in Japan in 2005 from 14th place in 2000.

 

添削

 

People in Sendai City1 like spaghetti. The annual purchase of spaghetti per capita in Sendai City jumped to second place in Japan2 in 2005 from 14th place in 2000.

 

コメント

 

1.       「仙台市民」とありますが、仙台に住民登録していて、そのことが大切な意味を持っている、ということではないので、「仙台に住む人」といった一般的な表現、people in Sendai Cityでよいでしょう。

 

2.       「全国に、全国で」という表現は日本語でよく使いますね。「この歌手は全国で人気がある。」This singer is popular nationwide.  「福井市は全国で一番住みやすい。」The City of Fukui has the best living environment in Japan (among all cities in Japan).など内容によって英文の表現が変わってきます。この練習問題は英語圏読者を想定しているのでsecond place in Japanと日本を入れるのがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

添削箇所はありません。

 

 

初級練習問題 354

 

ウィキペディアは誰もが無料で利用できるインターネット版百科事典です。非営利団体のウィキメデア財団が寄付によって運営しており、広告はまったく入っていません。

 

読者からの投稿 8(Kalo, 13 November 13

 

Wikipedia is a free online encyclopedia hosted by a non-profit organization, the Wikipedia Foundation, Inc. The encyclopedia is supported by donation and free from advertisement.

 

添削

 

Wikipedia is a free online encyclopedia hosted by a non-profit organization, the Wikipedia Foundation, Inc. The encyclopedia is supported by donations and free from any advertisement.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Wikipedia is a free online encyclopedia hosted by a non-profit organization, the Wikipedia Foundation, Inc. The encyclopedia is supported by donations and free from any advertisement.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(Lucca, 13 October 13

 

Wikipedia is an encyclopedia on the Internet that everyone can use for free.. It is run by Wikipedia Foundation Inc. which is a non profit organization. They have maintained this site by donations and do not rely on revenues coming from advertisements.

 

添削

 

Wikipedia is an encyclopedia on the Internet that everyone can use for free.. It is run maintained by Wikipedia Foundation Inc. which is a non- profit organization. They have maintained this site by donations and do not rely on revenues coming from advertisements.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Wikipedia is an encyclopedia on the Internet that everyone can use for free.. It is maintained by Wikipedia Foundation Inc. which is a non-profit organization. They have maintained this site by donations and do not rely on revenues coming from advertisements.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 2 December 10

 

Wikipedia is an online version Encyclopedia open to everybody free of charge. The Wikimedia Foundation, a non-profit organization, manages the Wikipedia web site only through donations. We never see any commercial advertisements posted on the web site.

 

添削

 

Wikipedia is an online version1 Eencyclopedia open to everybody free of charge. The Wikimedia Foundation, a non-profit organization, maintains manages the Wikipedia web site only by through donations. Therefore, Wwe don’t never see any commercial advertisements posted on the web site.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       Encyclopediaという名前の事典があって、そのオンライン版がWikipediaだというような印象になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Wikipedia is an online encyclopedia open to everybody free of charge. The Wikimedia Foundation, a non-profit organization, maintains the Wikipedia web site only by donations. Therefore, we don’t see any commercial advertisements posted on the web site.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(さくら、30 May 09

 

Wikipedia is an online encyclopedia you can use through the Internet free of charge. It is operated only by the donation from a nonprofit organization of Wikipedia Foundation and it does not post any advertisements on its website.

 

添削

 

Wikipedia is an online encyclopedia you can use through the Internet free of charge. It is operated only by the donation from a nonprofit organization of Wikipedia Foundation and it does not post any advertisements on its website.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、22 April 08

 

Wikipedia is an Internet encyclopedia everybody can use free of charge. Wikipedia Foundation, a non-profit organization has donated the fund to Wikipedia to operate it. Therefore, we do not see advertisements on the Internet encyclopedia.

 

添削

 

Wikipedia is an Internet encyclopedia everybody can use free of charge. Wikipedia Foundation, a non-profit organization, is maintaining Wikipedia, supported by donations has donated the fund to Wikipedia to operate it. Therefore, we do not see advertisements on the Internet encyclopedia.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかりますが、「非営利団体のウィキメデア財団が寄付によって運営しており」は「ウィキメデア財団が寄付で集めたお金を使ってウィキメデアを運営している」ということだとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Wikipedia is an Internet encyclopedia everybody can use free of charge. Wikipedia Foundation, a non-profit organization, is maintaining Wikipedia, supported by donations. Therefore, we do not see advertisements on the Internet encyclopedia.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(あすか、20 December 06

 

Wikipedia is a free-content encyclopedia that anyone can use on the Internet. Wikipedia is hosted to collect contributions, a non-profit organisation by the Wikimedia Foundation. There aren't any advertisements in Wikipedia.

 

添削

 

Wikipedia is a free-content encyclopedia that anyone can use on the Internet. Wikipedia is hosted to collect contributions,by a non-profit organisation organization, by the Wikimedia Foundation, and is maintained by contributions1. There aren't any advertisements in on Wikipedia.

 

1.       is hosted is maintainedを二つに分けると内容がわかりやすく整理できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Wikipedia is a free encyclopedia that anyone can use on the Internet. Wikipedia is hosted by a non-profit organization, the Wikimedia Foundation, and is maintained by contributions. There aren't any advertisements on Wikipedia.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(すみれ、14 October 06

 

Wikipedia is an online encyclopedia that everyone can use free. This is being operated with the donation by a non profit ccoperation called Wikimedia Foundation. Therefore, Wikipedia does not contain any commercial advertisements on its pages.

 

添削

 

Wikipedia is an online encyclopedia that everyone can use free. This The encyclopedia1 is being operated2 with the donation by a non- profit ccoperation organization called the Wikimedia Foundation and is supported by donations3. Therefore, Wikipedia does not contain any commercial advertisements on its pages.

 

コメント

 

1.       短い文章ですが、代名詞を使わずに元の名詞を繰り返して使ったほうが、読者に内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       is operatedで現在の状態を示しますから、とくにこのことを強調する以外は進行形にする必要はありません。またis operated受動態ですから、is operated by a non-profit organizationと続けて「誰によって」がすぐにわかるようにすると読みやすくなります。

 

3.       is operatedis supportedを二つに分けたほうが内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Wikipedia is an online encyclopedia that everyone can use free. The encyclopedia is operated by a non-profit organization called the Wikimedia Foundation and is supported by donations. Therefore, Wikipedia does not contain any commercial advertisements on its pages.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Keicoco, 3 October 06

 

Wikipedia1” is a an Internet version of the2 multilingual encyclopedia on the Internet that anyone can use free of charge. This Wikipedia is operated maintained by the Wikimedia Foundation3, a non-profit organization, that uses being covered by public donations. Wikipedia4 and is free from any advertisements.

 

コメント

 

1.       名詞を引用句で括るときは、名詞自体は他の意味でよく使われるが、ここでは特別な意味に使っている場合(”telecommunication commuters”)や、英語には無い言葉なので日本語をそのまま使う場合(”Sabi” is a basic concept for Japanese fine arts.)などです。Wikipediaはまだ日本では広く知られていないかもしれませんが、特に引用句で括る理由はありません。

 

2.       an Internet version of the multilingual encyclopediaとすると、印刷したウィキペディアがあり、このインターネット版、という意味ですね。ウィキペディアはインターネット版しかないので、添削のようにしました。

 

3.       固有名詞と定冠詞の関係は、定冠詞が付いたり、付かなかったり、複雑で理論的にすっきりしませんね。英語圏以外の人にもわかりやすいようにしておいて欲しかった、と文句をいいたいですね。まあ、英語圏の人も困っているようですが。原則として、一つしかないものを示す固有名詞は、このことを強調するために定冠詞を付ける、ということですが、この定冠詞が社会で使われているうちに、よく使われる固有名詞は定冠詞が無くなる、という傾向があるようです(Tokyo Station, Hibiya Park)the Wikimedia Foundationはまだ新しいので定冠詞が付くのでしょう。一般的に〜財団には定冠詞が付くものが多いようです。

 

4.       投稿のように and is free from any advertisementsとすると、文の前半にWikepediathe Wikimedia Foundationが出てくるので、and以下がどちらに関係しているか曖昧になります。ここから新しい文にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Wikipedia is a multilingual encyclopedia on the Internet that anyone can use free of charge. Wikipedia is maintained by the Wikimedia Foundation, a non-profit organization, that uses  public donations. Wikipedia is free from any advertisements.

 

 

初級練習問題 355

 

日英両政府が携帯電話の迷惑メール撲滅に向けて協力するとした共同宣言が9月13日に発効した。携帯電話の迷惑メール対策に重点を置いた協力体制を築くのは、今回が初めてとなる。

 

読者からの投稿 8(Kalo, 13 November 13

 

The governments of Japan and the United Kingdom on September 13 issued a joint statement that says they will work together to eliminate junk mails on cell phones. This is the first time that the two countries make joint efforts to focus on addressing the issue of unwanted mails on cell phones.

 

添削

 

On September 13, Tthe gGovernments1 of Japan and the United Kingdom on September 13 issued a joint statement that said says that they would will work together to eliminate junk mails2 on cell phones. This is the first time that the two countries make joint efforts to focus on addressing the issue of unwanted mails on cell phones.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       The Government of Japan and (the Government of) the United Kingdomと固有名詞の表現にします。

 

2.       Mailは複合名詞です(近年、電子メールの普及の伴い普通名詞扱いで複数形の表現のでてきています。)

 

添削後の文章

 

On September 13, the Government of Japan and the United Kingdom issued a joint statement that said that they would work together to eliminate junk mail on cell phones. This is the first time that the two countries make joint efforts to focus on the issue of unwanted mail on cell phones.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(Lucca, 27 October 13

 

On September 13, the Government of Japan and the United Kingdom issued a joint statement that both governments would cooperate to eliminate junk mail on handy phones. This is the first time that both governments establish a cooperative framework to focus on junk mail of handy phones.

 

添削

 

On September 13, the Government of Japan and the United Kingdom issued a joint statement that both governments would cooperate to eliminate junk mail on handy cellular phones. This was is the first time that both governments established a cooperative framework to focus on junk mail of cellular handy phones.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On September 13, the Government of Japan and the United Kingdom issued a joint statement that both governments would cooperate to eliminate junk mail on cellular phones. This was  the first time that both governments established a cooperative framework to focus on junk mail of cellular phones.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 2 December 10

 

The Japan-UK joint declaration on the eradication of unsolicited e-mails on cell-phones took effect on September 13. This is the first time the two countries establish a cooperative framework focusing on measures against unsolicited e-mails on cell-phones.

 

添削

 

The Japan-UK joint declaration on the eradication of unsolicited e-mails on cell-phones took effect on September 13. This was is the first time that the two countries established a cooperative framework focusing on measures against unsolicited e-mails on cell-phones.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Japan-UK joint declaration on the eradication of unsolicited e-mail on cell-phones took effect on September 13. This was the first time that the two countries established a cooperative framework focusing on measures against unsolicited e-mail on cell-phones.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(さくら、3 June 09

 

A joint statement of Japan and British governments was in effect on September 13 which declared that the two nations would work together to eliminate spam mail sent to cellular phones. It is the first time for two countries to launch a joint project focusing on the control of junk mail sent to mobile phones.

 

添削

 

A joint statement declaration of the Japanese and British gGovernments became was in effective1 on September 13 stating which declared that the two nations would work together to eliminate spam mail sent to cellular phones. This was2 It is the first time for any two countries to launch a joint project focusing on the control of junk mail sent to mobile cellular3 phones.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       A declaration became effective stating ~という構造のほうが内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       現在述べている事柄なのでThis was ~にします。

 

3.       すでにcellular phonesが文章中にあるので同一のものは同一の言葉で記述します。

 

添削後の文章

 

A joint declaration of the Japanese and British Governments became effective on September 13 stating that the two nations would work together to eliminate spam mail sent to cellular phones. This was the first time for any two countries to launch a joint project focusing on the control of junk mail sent to cellular phones.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、22 April 08

 

Both the Japan and the British governments issued on September 13 a joint statement that both governments would cooperate to eradicate junk mails on mobile phones. This is the first time that both governments have given importance to measures for junk mails and have established a cooperative structure.

 

添削

 

Both tThe Government of Japan and the United Kingdom British governments issued on September 13 a joint statement that both governments would cooperate to eradicate junk e-mails on mobile phones. This is the first time that both governments have given importance to measures for junk mails and have established a cooperative structure to eradicate junk e-mail on mobile phones .

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「協力体制を築くのは、今回が初めて」を強調するために添削のようにするのがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Government of Japan and the United Kingdom issued on September 13 a joint statement that both governments would cooperate to eradicate junk e-mail on mobile phones. This is the first time that both governments have established a cooperative structure to eradicate junk e-mail mobile phones.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(あすか、31 December 06

 

The Japan-United Kingdom Joint Declaration issued that two countries help each other to wipe out Unsolicited Bulk E-mail(UBE) on Cellular Phones on September 13. This is the first time that the two countries built a cooperative structure to focus on UBE on Cellular Phones.

 

添削

 

The Japan-United Kingdom Joint Declaration was issued on September 31 stating1 that the two countries would help each other to wipe out Unsolicited Bulk E-mail (UBE) on Ccellular Pphones on September 13. This is the first time that the two countries has decided to built build2 a cooperative structure to focus on UBEs on Ccellular Pphones3.

 

コメント

 

1.       Japan and the United Kingdom jointly issued a declaration that ~.という形ですとthat以下が共同宣言の内容になりますが、投稿の形ですとthat以下はそのままでは文の前半につながらないのでstating that ~とします。

 

2.       これから協力体制を築くのでhas decided to build ~とします。

 

3.       UBEsという熟語があるのですね。UBEs on the Internet, UBEs on cellular phonesといくつか種類があるでしょうから、cellular phonesと一般形でよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Japan-United Kingdom Joint Declaration was issued on September 31 stating that the two countries would help each other to wipe out Unsolicited Bulk E-mail (UBE) on cellular phones. This is the first time that the two countries has decided to build a cooperative structure to focus on UBEs on cellular phones.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(すみれ、17 October 06

 

On September 13, the Japan-United Kingdom Joint Declaration for anti spam e-mail on cellular phones crusade came into force. It is the first time two countries arrange a cooperative system for eradication of spam e-mail on cellular phones.

 

添削

 

On September 13, the Japan-United Kingdom Joint Declaration for Against anti sSpam eE-mail on cCellular pPhones1 crusade came into force. This was2 It is the first time the two countries arranged a cooperative system for the eradication of spam e-mail on cellular phones.

 

コメント

 

1.       この共同宣言の正式名はわかりませんが、投稿の共同宣言のそれぞれの単語を大文字で始めるとこの部分が共同宣言の名称だということがわかります。

 

2.       共同宣言は現在も有効ですが、This was the first time ~ とあるので文全体を過去形で表現します。

 

インターネットのIT用語辞典でspamの語源について面白い話を見つけました。

 

公開されているWebサイトなどから手に入れたe-mailアドレスに向けて、営利目的のメールを無差別に大量配信すること。インターネットを利用したダイレクトメール。

 

 インターネットではメール受信のための通信料は受信者の負担になるため、SPAMメールのように受信者の都合を考慮せず一方的に送られてくるこうしたメールは、極めて悪質な行為とされている。また、SPAM行為は同内容のメールを一度に大量に配信するため、インターネットの公共回線に負荷がかかる点も問題となっている。最近はiモード携帯電話など、インターネット接続機能を持つ携帯電話に対するSPAMが社会的な問題になっている。

 

 「SPAM」とは、Hormel Foods社の味付け豚肉の缶詰の商品名のこと。イギリスのコメディー番組「Monty Pythons Flying Circus(モンティ・パイソンの空飛ぶサーカス)の有名なコントに次のようなものがある。レストランに夫婦が入ってきてメニューを選んでいると、近くに座っているバイキングの一団が「SPAMSPAMSPAM!」と大声で歌いだす。次第に店員も「SPAM」を連呼しだし、最初は嫌がっていた夫婦も最後には屈してSPAMを注文せざるを得なくなる、という筋書き。ほしくもないのに大量に送りつけられてくる広告メールから、このコントでしつこく連呼される「SPAM」を連想したのが由来と言われている。

 

 Hormel社は迷惑メールをSPAMと呼ぶことは許容しているようだが、社名や商品名に使うのは認めておらず、迷惑メール対策ソフトを開発していた「SpamArrest」社がHormel社に商標権侵害で訴えられるという事件も起きている。広告メールのほうは小文字で「spam」と書いて区別すべきという主張もあるが、一般にはこうした区別は定着していない。

 

添削後の文章

 

On September 13, the Japan-United Kingdom Joint Declaration Against Spam E-mail on Cellular Phones came into force. This was the first time the two countries arranged a cooperative system for the eradication of spam e-mail on cellular phones.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Keicoco, 3 October 06

 

On September 13 Japan and the United Kingdom issued a joint statement that both governments work together to eradicate unsolicited e-mails on cellular phones. This is the first time that both governments built a cooperative framework with a focus on taking measures against unsolicited e-mails.

 

添削

 

On September 13 Japan and the United Kingdom1 issued a joint statement2 that both governments work together to eradicate unsolicited e-mails2 on cellular phones. This is the first time that both governments built a cooperative framework with a focus on taking measures against unsolicited e-mails.

 

コメント

 

1.       日本文に「日英両政府」とあり、政府を意味するものとしてthe United Kingdomとするのがよいですね。正式国名、the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Irelandはちょっと長いので略称のthe United Kingdomでよいでしょう。日本語ではイギリス人English peopleEnglishで英国を代表してしまうことがありますが(明治時代に英国の首都ロンドンがEnglandにあるのでこうなった、と言う説があります)、英国の辞書Collins-COBUIDBritain, British, Britonについて次のように記述しています。

 

Britain - British – Briton:

 

Britain or Great Britain consists of England, Scotland, and Wales. The United Kingdom consists of England, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland. The British Isles refers to Britain, Ireland, and all the smaller islands around the coast.

 

The nationality of someone from the United Kingdom is British, although some people prefer to call themselves English, Scottish, Welsh, or Northern Irish. It is incorrect and may cause offence to call all British people `English'.

 

In writing, an individual British person can be referred to as a Briton. You can refer to all the people who come from Britain as the British.

 

The British can also be used to refer to a group of British people, for example the British representatives at an international conference. The British have made these negotiations more complicated. The British had come up with a bold and dangerous solution.

 

2.       日本文には「共同宣言が9月13日に発効した。」とあり共同宣言のあった日とこの共同宣言が発行した日が同じだったような印象ですね。

 

3.       「迷惑メール撲滅」をto eradicate unsolicited e-mailsと表現したのはわかりやすいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

添削箇所はありません。

 

初級練習問題 356

 

教師が強制するのではなく、子供に自分で行動を選ばせ、責任を持たせる教育手法が注目されている。選択理論心理学に基づくもので、アメリカでは多くの学校で取り入れられ、成果を上げている。

 

読者からの添削 9(Kalo, 14 November 13

 

Much attention has been paid to an education method in which a teacher lets children think and act on their own and take responsibility for consequences rather than telling them to what to do. The method is based on Choice Theory in psychology and since its introduction, many schools in the United States have produced good results.

 

添削

 

Much attention has been paid to an education method in which a teacher lets children think and act on their own and take responsibility for their consequences rather than telling them to what to do. The method is based on the Choice Theory in psychology. And1 since its It has been introduced to introduction, many schools in the United States and have produced good results.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       文章の前半はこの新しい方法の説明で、後半は米国における実例なので、ここから新しい文にするとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Much attention has been paid to an education method in which a teacher lets children think and act on their own and take responsibility for their consequences rather than telling them what to do. The method is based on the Choice Theory in psychology. It has been introduced to many schools in the United States and produced good results.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(Lucca, 27 October 13

 

A new teaching method has gotten a lot of attention recently. In this method, children are required to choose what they want to do by themselves without teacher. Also, children take responsibility for what they choose to the end. This method is based on the Psychological Choice Theory. Many schools in the U.S. have already introduced the method and received positive results.

 

添削

 

A new teaching method is receiving has gotten a lot of attention recently. In this method, children are required to choose what they want to do by themselves without teachers asking them to do so.. Also, children take responsibility for what they choose to do to the end. This method is based on the Psychological Choice Theory. Many schools in the U.S. have already introduced the method and received positive results.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new teaching method is receiving a lot of attention recently. In this method, children are required to choose what they want to do by themselves without teachers’ asking them to do so. Also, children take responsibility for what they choose to do to the end. This method is based on the Psychological Choice Theory. Many schools in the U.S. have already introduced the method and received positive results.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(OKEN, 18 October 12

 

An education method, in which teachers do not enforce children’s behavior but let children choose their own one and give them a responsibility for it, has received widespread attention. The method is based on selective theoretical psychology, and many schools have taken it and reported its favorable effects in America.

 

添削

 

An education method, in which teachers do not enforce children’s behavior on children but let children choose their own behavior one and take give them a responsibility for it, is has receiveding1 widespread attention. The method is based on the principles of selective theoretical psychology, and many schools in the United States have adopted taken it and reported its favorable effects in America.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       現在進行形のほうが、内容が身近になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

An education method, in which teachers do not enforce behavior on children but let children choose their own behavior and take responsibility for it, is receiving widespread attention. The method is based on the principles of selective psychology and many schools in the United States have adopted it and reported its favorable effects.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 8 December 10

 

A method of child education backed by the choice theory psychology has been brought to increasing attention. The method lets children select an action by themselves thereby holding them accountable for their chosen course of action. Many schools in the US have employed the method, achieving significant results.

 

添削

 

A method of child education backed by the choice theory in psychology has been attracting more and more brought to increasing attention. The method lets children select an action by themselves thereby holding them accountable for their chosen course of action. Many schools in the US have employed the method, achieving significant results.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

1.       能動態のほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A method of child education backed by the choice theory in psychology has been attracting more and more attention. The method lets children select an action by themselves thereby holding them accountable for their chosen course of action. Many schools in the US have employed the method, achieving significant results.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(さくら、4 June 09

 

There is a teaching method which is now getting attention. Under the method, children study not because they are forced by teachers but because they choose what to do themselves and are required to take responsibility about what they chose. This method is based on Choice Theory psychology. Many schools in the U.S. have adopted the method and shown excellent results.

 

添削

 

There is a A new1 teaching method which is now getting attention. Under this the method, children study not because they are not forced to study2 by teachers but because they left to choose what to do themselves and are required to take responsibility about for what they choose. This method is based on the Choice Theory in psychology. Many schools in the U.S. have adopted the method and shown excellent results.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       There is ~ という文構造は内容の印象が薄いので、添削のようにA new teaching method ~と始めるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       children study not because they are forced by teachers but because they choose what to do themselvesの文構造はchildren study because they choose what to do themselvesとなりますが何をstudyするか曖昧な印象になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new teaching method is getting attention. Under this method, children are not forced to study by teachers but left to choose what to do themselves and are required to take responsibility for what they choose. This method is based on the Choice Theory in psychology. Many schools in the U.S. have adopted the method and shown excellent results.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、24 April 08

 

People in Japan remark a new education method. The method is that teachers do not force students to choose their actions, but children choose their actions by themselves. Children become more responsible for their actions by this method. This method under choice theory-based psychology is introduced to many schools in America and is producing good results.

 

添削

 

People in Japan remark are paying attention to a new education method. The method is that teachers do not force students to choose their actions, but children choose their actions by themselves. Children become more responsible for their actions by this method. This method under is based on choice theory-based of psychology and has been is introduced to many schools in the United States of America and is producing good results.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが、This method under choice theory-based psychology is introducedがわかり難いです。添削のように最期の文は二つにわけるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

People in Japan are paying attention to a new education method. The method is that teachers do not force students to choose their actions but children choose their actions by themselves. Children become more responsible for their actions by this method. This method is based on choice theory of psychology and has been introduced to many schools in the United States of America producing good results.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(あすか、27 December 06

 

A new educational method is coming up that students take responsibility for their own behaviors for learning and choice of learning style, not force them how to study by teacher in Japan In the United States, many schools introduce the new educational system based on choice theory in psychology and achieve good results.

 

添削

 

A new educational method is coming being introduce to schools in Japan1. up that In this method, teachers let students take responsibility for their own behaviors for learning and choice of learning style, and do not force them behave in the way teachers want. how to study by teacher in Japan In the United States, many schools have already introduced this method and the new educational system achieved good results. The method2 is based on choice theory in psychology and achieve good results.

 

添削

 

1.       ここで文を切り、この教育法については独立の文で説明すると文章の構造が簡単になります。

 

2.       ここでも「選択理論心理学に基づくもので」を独立の文にすると簡単に表現できます。「英文表現に迷ったら、小文にする。」が英作文の鉄則ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new educational method is being introduce to schools in Japan. In this method, teachers let students take responsibility for their own behaviors and do not force them behave in the way teachers want. In the United States, many schools have already introduced this method and achieved good results. The method is based on choice theory in psychology.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(すみれ、19 October 06

 

An educational technique that teachers let pupils choose how to behave and take responsibility instead often forcing certain behaviors is catching the attention. The technique is based on Choice Theory in psychology. Many schools have adopted it and achieved good performance in United States.

 

添削

 

An educational technique that teachers let pupils choose how to they behave in class and take responsibility for the results1 instead of the traditional technique that teachers force often forcing certain desirable behaviors on pupils2 is catching the public attention in Japan3. The technique is based on Choice Theory in psychology. Many schools in the United States4 have adopted it and achieved good performance results in United States.

 

コメント

 

1.       teachers let pupils how to behaveで意味はわかりますが、添削のように補足説明を入れると内容が具体的になります。練習問題は新聞の記事などを元にしてつくりますが、日本の読者を対象にした記事ですから、読者が知っていることをたくさん想定した文章になっています。そのため内容を英文で表現するときには、日本文に欠けている内容を補足説明するとよいでしょう。この添削講座は日本文の正確な翻訳を目指しているのではなく、日本文のような内容を自分で考えてプレイン・イングリッシュの英文で表現するにはどうしたらよいか、ということの練習なので、日本文に欠けていると思われること、英文の論理では補足説明が必要なところは補ってください。

 

2.       instead of forcing certain desirable behaviors on pupilsと続けることも出来ますが、この前の部分がteachers let pupils choose how to behaveとなっているので、文型が変わります。内容を対比しているところなので、文型も同じにするとわかりやすくなります。このためにinstead of the traditional technique that teachers force certain desirable behaviors on pupilsとしました。

 

3.       日本と米国と二つ出てくるので、区別をはっきりするとよいでしょう。

 

4.       in the United Statesを文のここに置くと、この文は米国の事情だなとわかります。投稿のままでもこの文を最初からin the Untied Statesのところまで読むのに0.5秒もかからないでしょうが、in the United Statesを文のどこに置くかで心理的な自然さの相違が出てきます。

 

添削後の文章

 

An educational technique that teachers let pupils choose how they behave in class and take responsibility for the results instead of the traditional technique that teachers force certain desirable behaviors on pupils is catching public attention in Japan. The technique is based on Choice Theory in psychology. Many schools in the United States have adopted it and achieved good results .

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Keicoco, 4 October 06

 

An educational approach, that teachers do not force but let their students choose what to do and make them take responsibility for the outcomes of their choices, is now attracting attention. This approach is based on choice theory psychology. In the United States many schools introduced the approach and have achieved good results.

 

添削

 

An educational approach1, that teachers do not force desirable behaviors on students but let their students choose what to do and make them take responsibility for the outcomes of their choices, is now attracting attention2. This approach is based on choice theory in psychology3. In the United States many schools introduced the approach and have achieved good results.

 

コメント

 

1.       An educational approachは「教育の方法」という意味と、「教育的な内容を重視した方法」という意味と二つあります。後者は例えば、a result-oriented approach 「結果だけを重視した方法」などと対比して使います。A new approach to educationとすると新しい教育手法ということがはっきりします。

 

2.       ここはthat関係代名詞の限定用法としてコンマを取ったほうがよいでしょう。すると関係代名詞節が長くなります。A new approach to education is attracting attention in Japan.として文を分けてもよいでしょう。Teachers do not force but let their students choose what to do and make them take responsibility for the outcomes of their choices.の下線部分でforceletは使役動詞なので、teachers do not force students choose what to do but let students choose what to doという形の省略形になります。すると意味がおかしいですね。添削のようにforceの後に目的語を入れるとよいでしょう。

 

3.       選択理論心理学はインターネットで探すと次のようなものが見つかりました。「択理論とは、アメリカの精神科医ウイリアム・グラッサー博士が提唱している新しい心理学です。発表以来40年間、世界各国で普及し、カウンセリングや学校教育、組織、家庭環境など様々な人間関係が絡む環境の中で、よりよい人間関係を築く手法として高い評価を得、幅広く活用されています。特に選択理論をベースとしているカウンセリング、リアリティセラピーは、世界九大カウンセリングの1つとして、アメリカやカナダを中心に広がっています。」このウェブサイトにはchoice theoryとありましたが、choice theoryはいろいろな分野にあるので、choice theory in psychologyにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

An educational approach that teachers do not force desirable behaviors on students but let students choose what to do and make them take responsibility for the outcomes of their choices is now attracting attention. This approach is based on choice theory in psychology. In the United States many schools introduced the approach and have achieved good results.

 

 

初級練習問題 357

 

武蔵村山市の日産自動車村山工場跡地に今年11月、都内最大級の複合商業施設がオープンする。車利用客が100%近い郊外型ショッピングセンターの誕生に、近隣商業者は戦々恐々としている。

 

読者からの投稿 7(Kalo, 15 November 13

 

A commercial complex, one of the largest-scale in Tokyo, will open this November at the old site of a Nissan car factory in Higashi Murayama City. Local businesses are concerned about the opening of a suburban shopping center that nearly all shoppers come to by car.

 

添削

 

A commercial complex, one of the largest-scale in Tokyo, will open this November at the old site of a Nissan car factory in Higashi Murayama City. Local businesses are concerned about the opening of the a suburban shopping center in the facility1 because that nearly all of its shoppers come to the shopping centre by car and can pass the local businesses2.

 

コメント

 

内容がだいたいわかりますが、コメント2の補足説明があるとよいでしょう。

 

1.       「複合商業施設」と「郊外型ショッピングセンター」は同じ施設だとおもいますが、一応このような説明にしておきます。

 

2.       日本文にはありませんが、このような補足説明をいれるとよいでしょう。日本文の内容がはっきりしないときは補足説明をいれてください。

 

添削後の文章

 

A commercial complex, one of the largest in Tokyo, will open this November at the old site of a Nissan car factory in Higashi Murayama City. Local businesses are concerned about the opening of the shopping center in the facility because nearly all of its shoppers come to the shopping centre by car and can pass the local businesses.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(Lucca, 27 October 13

 

One of the biggest shopping mall will open at Musashimurayama City, Tokyo this November. The mall was build at the site where the car factory of Nissan Motor Co. was before.  As most customers will use cars for transportation and go directly to this suburb shopping mall, the shops at nearby areas have feared about losing their business.

 

添削

 

One of the biggest shopping malls in Japan will open at Musashimurayama City, Tokyo this November. The mall is was build at the site where a the car factory of Nissan Motor Co. was before.  As its most customers will use cars for transportation and go directly to this suburban shopping mall, the shops at nearby areas are concerned that they may lose some of have feared about losing their business.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       現在建っている、という意味になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

One of the biggest shopping malls in Japan will open at Musashimurayama City, Tokyo this November. The mall is build at the site where a car factory of Nissan Motor Co. was before.  As its most customers will use cars for transportation and go directly to this suburban shopping mall, the shops at nearby areas are concerned that they may lose some of their business.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(OKEN, 31 August 13

 

November this year, one of the largest commercial complexes in the Tokyo metropolitan area will open for business at Nissan Motor Company’s Murayama old factory site in Musashimurayama City. Almost all of its shoppers would come there by their cars, so neighborhood retailers are very nervous about the opening of the large suburban shopping mall.

 

添削

 

November this year, one of the largest commercial facilities complexes in the Tokyo metropolitan area will open for business at the old factory site of Nissan Motor Company’s Murayama old factory site in Musashimurayama City. Almost all of its shoppers are expected to would come there by their cars, so neighborhood retailers are very nervous about the opening of the large suburban shopping mall.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

November this year, one of the largest commercial facilities in the Tokyo metropolitan area will open for business at the old factory site of Nissan Motor Company in Musashimurayama City. Almost all of its shoppers are expected to come there by their cars, so neighborhood retailers are very nervous about the opening of the large suburban shopping mall.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 8 December 10

 

A commercial complex, the largest of this kind in Tokyo, will open at the old site of Nissan Motor Murayama Factory in Musashi-Murayama City in November this year. Businesses in the neighboring areas feel threatened by the emergence of a suburban shopping mall, where nearly 100% of customers come by car.

 

添削

 

A commercial complex, the largest of this kind in Tokyo, will open at the old site of Nissan Motor Murayama Factory in Musashi-Murayama City in November this year. Businesses in the neighboring areas feel threatened by the emergence of a suburban shopping mall, where nearly 100% of customers come by car.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、24 April 08

 

The Tokyo's biggest commercial complex will open at the Nissan Motor Company's Higashi-murayama factory site in Higashi-murayama City. Owners of stores near the commercial complex are very worried about the birth of a suburban shopping center to which most customers go by car.

 

添削

 

The Tokyo's biggest commercial complex will open at the old site of Nissan Motor Company's Higashi-murayama factory site in Higashi-murayama City. The oOwners of stores near the commercial complex are very worried about the birth of a suburban shopping center to which most customers go by car and may take away their customers.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかりますが、最期の文は添削のような補足を付け加えるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Tokyo's biggest commercial complex will open at the old site of Nissan Motor Company's Higashi-murayama factory in Higashi-murayama City. The owners of stores near the commercial complex are very worried about the birth of a suburban shopping center to which most customers go by car and may take away their customers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(すみれ、25 October 06

 

In this November, a commercial facility will open at the site where a car factory of Nissan Motor Co. used be in Musashimurayama City. It will be one of the largest suburban-type shopping malls in Tokyo. It is designed for the convenience of  the customers coming in a car. The shop owners in its neighbourhood are afraid that the shopping mall will take away their customers.

 

添削

 

In tThis1 November, a commercial facility will open at the site where a car factory of Nissan Motor Co. used be in Musashimurayama City. It The commercial facility2 will be one of the largest suburban-type shopping malls in Tokyo3. and It is designed for the convenience of the customers coming by in a car. The shop owners in its the neighbourhood are afraid that the shopping mall will take away their customers4.

 

コメント

 

1.       this November, next Aprilのように冠詞無しで副詞として使います。

 

2.       前の文に名詞がたくさん出てくるので、代名詞ではなく名詞で書くとどのことを言っているのかはっきりします。

 

3.       武蔵村山市の日産自動車村山工場跡地に今年11月、都内最大級の複合商業施設がオープンする。」は下線部分の修飾節がついているので、これを英文でどのように表現するか考えますね。この文の主要点は「商業施設が11月にオープンする。」です。これに「何処で」を追加します。すみれさんもこのような構造の英文にしていますね。「武蔵村山市の日産自動車村山工場跡地に」をすみれさんは丁寧に説明しています。at the old factory of Nissan Motor Co. in Mushsi-murayama Cityと簡単にしてもよいでしょう。 「都内最大級の」は商業施設の修飾節としてone of the largest shopping centers in Tokyo will open ~としてもよいですが、すみれさんのように新しい文にすると内容がわかりやすいでしょう。

 

4.       「車利用客が100%近い郊外型ショッピングセンターの誕生に、近隣商業者は戦々恐々としている。」は車でショッピングセンターに行ってしまうので、近隣の商店街には客が寄らず、お客をショッピングセンターに取られてしまうのではないかと心配している。」ということでしょう。すみれさんはこの内容を二つの文に分けていますが、最後の文の説明で内容はよくわかりますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

This November, a commercial facility will open at the site where a car factory of Nissan Motor Co. used be in Musashimurayama City. The commercial facility will be one of the largest suburban-type shopping malls in Tokyo and is designed for the convenience of the customers coming by car. The shop owners in the neighbourhood are afraid that the shopping mall will take away their customers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Keicoo, 5 October 06

 

A commercial complex will open at the factory site of Nissan Motors in Musashimurayama City this November. The commercial complex will be one of the largest commercial complexes in Tokyo. Shop or restaurant owners in the neighboring areas are in fear of the birth of the huge suburban shopping mall that nearly 100 percent of shoppers go by car and the shoppers can get anything they want.

 

添削

 

A commercial complex will open1 at the old factory site of Nissan Motors in Musashimurayama City this November. The commercial complex will be one of the largest commercial complexes in Tokyo2. Shop or and restaurant owners in the neighboring areas are afraid that in fear of the birth of the huge commercial complex3 suburban shopping mall that where4 nearly 100 percent of shoppers customers come go by car and the shoppers can get almost everything anything they want will be a major threat for their business5.

 

コメント

 

1.       新しい店が開く、A new drug store opened in my neighborhood last month. 店が開店する、The bakery opens at seven o’clock every morning.ではopenを自動詞として使います。

2.       A retired ski instructor opened a ski shop.の受動態としてThe ski shop was opened by a retired ski instructor.があります。ここではopenは他動詞です。誰が店を開いたか、を記述して、主語を店にして、どんな店かを強調する場合は上のようになります。形容詞のopenは「開いている」という状態を示すので、The museum is open from 9:00 am to 5:00 pm eon week days.となります。closeも自動詞と他動詞があり、openと同様な使い方をします。ただし、形容詞のcloseは「近い」という意味ですから、The office is closed during the lunch hour.となります。店にopen, closedという札がかかっていることがありますね。時々日本の店でcloseという札がかかっているのを見かけますが、これは日本英語ですね。

 

3.       One of the largest commercial complexes in Japan will open ~としてもよいですが、Keicocoさんのように二つの文に分けてもよいでしょう。分けるときはThe commercial complex will be one of the largest suburban –type shopping malls in Japan.と説明を加えることもできます。

 

4.       前に文に出てくるのはthe commercial complexだけなのでこの言葉を使います。コメント 1のようにすればthe suburban shopping mallがよいでしょう。

 

5.       関係代名詞節の中でthe commercial complexは場所として使われているのでwhereになります。the huge commercial complex that caters almost 100 percent for the customers ~とするとthe huge commercial complexが関係代名詞節の主語なのthatになります。

 

心配している理由を補足したほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A commercial complex will open at the old factory site of Nissan Motors in Musashimurayama City this November. The commercial complex will be one of the largest commercial complexes in Tokyo. Shop and restaurant owners in the neighboring areas are afraid that  the huge commercial complex where nearly 100 percent of customers come by car and can get almost everything they want will be a major threat for their business.

 

 

初級練習問題 358

 

熊本県内で9月30日までに100歳以上になるのは、前年比138人増の790人で過去最高を更新した。

 

読者からの投稿 7(Lucca, 27 October 13

 

In Kumamoto City, the people aged 100 and more reached a new high of 790 people by September 30, increased by 138 people from the previous year.

 

添削

 

In Kumamoto City, the number of people aged 100 years and more have reached a new high of 790 people by September 30, an increased by of 138 people from the previous year.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

In Kumamoto City, the number of people aged 100 years and more have reached a new high of 790 by September 30, an increase of 138 people from the previous year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 9 December 10

 

In Kumamoto Prefecture, 790 people will become equal or more than 100 years old by September 30 this year. This represents an increase of 138 people over the previous year, marking a record high.

 

添削

 

In Kumamoto Prefecture, 790 people will become be equal or more than1 100 years old and over by September 30 this year. This represents an increase of 138 people over the last previous year, marking it a record high.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       既に100歳以上の人がいるのでwill beのほうがよいでしょう。ここでは100 years old and overが適当ですが、数字の比較には次のような表現があります。

A is less than B.

A is less than or equal to B.

A is equal to B.

A is more than or equal to B.

A is more than.

 

添削後の文章

 

In Kumamoto Prefecture, 790 people will be 100 years old and over by September 30 this year. This represents an increase of 138 people over the last year, marking it a record high.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(さくら、7 June 09

 

The number of people who are one hundred years old or more in Kumamoto Prefecture as of September 30 reached the record high of 790 up by 138 from the previous year.

 

添削

 

The number of people who are one hundred years old or more in Kumamoto Prefecture as of September 30 reached the a record high of 790, up by 138 from the previous year.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of people who are one hundred years old or more in Kumamoto Prefecture as of September 30 reached a record high of 790, up by 138 from the previous year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、25 April 08

 

The number of people aged 100 or over increased 138 over the previous year and amounted to 790. This number marked a record high.

 

添削

 

The number of people aged 100 or and over increased by138 over from the previous year and amounted to 790 in Kumamoto Prefecture. This number marked a record high.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、熊本県内で、という情報が欠けています。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of people aged 100 and over increased by138 from the previous year and amounted to 790 in Kumamoto Prefecture. This number marked a record.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(あすか、29 December 06

 

The number of centenarians in Kumamoto will be 790 people, an increase of 138 people over the previous year by September 30, which is the highest ever.

 

添削

 

The number of centenarians in Kumamoto will be 790 people1 by September 30, an increase of 138 people over the previous year by September 30,.  This2 will be which is the highest largest number of centenarians ever.

 

コメント

 

1.       The number of centenariansという主語のpeopleは要りません。次のan increase of 138 peopleは、文の前半を受けているのでpeopleを入れるのがよいでしょう。

 

2.       ここで文を新しくしたほうがわかりやすくなります。日本文では「最高」とありますが、英文ではthe largest number of centenariansになります。「最高」は英文では「最高の品質」the best quality、「最高速度」the fastest speed、「最高温度」the highest temperatureのように比較する形容詞が違ってきますから注意が必要です。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of centenarians in Kumamoto will be 790 by September 30, an increase of 138 people over the previous. This will be the largest number of centenarians ever.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(すみれ、28 October 06

 

Seven hundred ninety people have become 100 years and older till September 30in Kumamoto Prefecture. The number increased by 138 over last year and shattered the previous record.

 

添削

 

Seven hundred and ninety people have will1 become 100 years old and over older till by September 30 in Kumamoto Prefecture. The number will increased by 138 over last year and shattered exceed2 the previous record.

 

コメント

 

1.       この記事は9月30日以前に書かれたものなので、未来形にするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       shatter the previous recordとすると、長年続いた記録がついに破られた、という印象になるので、単に「過去の記録を越える」exceed the previous record でよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Seven hundred and ninety people will become 100 years old and over by September 30 in Kumamoto Prefecture. The number will increase by 138 over last year and exceed the previous record.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Keicoco, 7 October 06

 

The number of people aged 100 or over in Kumamoto Prefecture will hit a record high of 790 at the end of this September, up 138 from the previous year.

 

添削

 

The number of people aged 100 or and1 over in Kumamoto Prefecture will hit a record high2 of 790 at the end of this September, up 138 from the previous year.

 

コメント

 

1.       100 or overですと、100歳または100歳より上の人ですから、A or B is 790.という形になり、100歳の人が790人いる、または100歳より上の人が790人いる、となりますね。100歳以上の人を指すcentenariansという言葉があります。今まではこのように長寿の人は少なかったので見かけることが少ない言葉でしたが、これからはよく使われるようになるでしょう。

 

2.       「790人で過去最高を更新した。」と「790人で過去最高を記録した。」は違いますね。日本文の書き方が少し曖昧で、「熊本県内で9月30日までに100歳以上になるのは790人で、これまで最高の前年の記録652人を138人上回った。」を短く表現したものでしょう。a recordには過去最高の記録という意味があるので、will hit a record of ~でもよいですが、どういう種類の記録なのかはっきりさせるためにはwill hit a record high of ~の方がよいでしょう。「過去最高を更新した」を文字通り表現すれば、will hit a record high of 790, exceeding the past record of 652 set last yearとなるでしょうが、高齢者の数は毎年増加していくのですから、投稿の表現でよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of people aged 100 and over in Kumamoto Prefecture will hit a record high of 790 at the end of this September, up 138 from the previous year.

 

 

初級練習問題 359

 

富山県庁が政策を立案する際に広く市民から意見を聞くパブリックコメント制度で、2004年度にはコメントを求めた35件のうち6件が意見ゼロとなっている。意見が10未満だったものも9件あり、県は、県民に制度を知らせるための改善を迫られている。

 

読者からの投稿 9(Lucca, 8 November 13

 

Since the Toyama Prefecture Government introduced a public comment program, they have asked residents' opinions about new policies. In 2004, when the government sought comments on thirty five polices from their residents, they received no comments on six polices and less than ten comments on nine polices. The government is now faced with prompt improvements to make much wider residents aware of the program.

 

添削

 

Since tThe Toyama Prefecture Government has introduced a public comment program , and they has been have askeding its residents' their opinions about new policies. In 2004, when the government sought comments on thirty -five polices from their residents, it they received no comments on six polices and less than ten comments on nine polices. The government is now faced with urgent needs prompt improvements to make a much wider range of residents aware of the program to receive more comments.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Toyama Prefecture Government has introduced a public comment program and has been  asking its residents their opinions about new policies. In 2004 when the government sought comments on thirty-five polices, it received no comment on six polices and less than ten comments on nine polices. The government is now faced with urgent needs to make a much wider range of residents aware of the program to receive more comments.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(OKEN, 11 August 12

 

Toyama prefectural government has set a public comment system in which they seek opinions widely from its citizens when the government makes policies. In 2004, the government used the system 35 times, but there was no opinion in 6 cases and less than 10 opinions in 9 cases. The government has to take appropriate measures to make the system more public.

 

添削

 

The Toyama prefectural government has set up a public comment program system by in which they seek opinions widely from its citizens when the government makes policies. In 2004, the government used the program system 35 times., bBut there was no opinion in 6 cases and less than 10 opinions in 9 cases. The government now considers1 that it has to take appropriate measures to make the program system more public than now.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       「県は、県民に制度を知らせるための改善を迫られている。」となっていますから、これは県庁の考えであることをはっきりするのがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Toyama prefectural government has set up a public comment program by which they seek opinions widely from its citizens when the government makes policies. In 2004, the government used the program 35 times. But there was no opinion in 6 cases and less than 10 opinions in 9 cases. The government now considers that it has to take appropriate measures to make the program more public than now.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 9 December 10

 

The Prefecture of Toyama has a “Public Comment” program, whereby the prefecture hears a broad range of views from its citizens when formulating new policies. In 2004, the prefecture solicited public comments on its 35 policies, but received not a single comment on 6 policies and fewer than 10 comments for another 9 policies. The prefecture is apparently in need of letting the program be more widely and better known to its citizens.

 

添削

The Prefecture of Toyama has a “Public Comment” program, whereby the prefecture hears listens to a broad range of opinions views1 from its citizens when formulating new policies. In 2004, the prefecture solicited public comments on its 35 policies, but received not a single comment on 6 policies and fewer than 10 comments on for another 9 policies. The prefecture is apparently in need of making letting the program be more widely and better known by to its citizens.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       listen to ~などでviewsではなくopinionsにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Prefecture of Toyama has a “Public Comment” program, whereby the prefecture listens to a broad range of opinions from its citizens when formulating new policies. In 2004, the prefecture solicited public comments on its 35 policies, but received not a single comment on 6 policies and fewer than 10 comments on another 9 policies. The prefecture is apparently in need of making the program more widely and better known by its citizens.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(さくら、7 June 09

 

Toyama prefectural government has a system in which they broadly accept citizens’ opinions about policies when they make. In 2004, they asked people’s opinions about 35 polices, but six of them could not get any opinions and nine got less than 10 opinions. The government needs to inform the citizens of the system.

 

添削

 

The Government of Toyama Prefecture1 prefectural government has a public input program system2 in by which it they broadly accepts citizens’ opinions about policies when it decides new policies they make. In 2004, the government they asked people’s opinions about 35 polices, but six of them could not get any opinions and nine got less than 10 opinions. Now Tthe government thinks3 that it needs to broadly inform its the citizens of the system program.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       富山県庁はthe Government of Toyama Prefecture, the Toyama Prefectural Government, Toyama Prefectureなどと表現できますが、固有名詞なので大文字で始めます。

 

2.       日本文には「〜制度」という表現がよくありますが、a systemはある組織全体の構造に関するものなので、この問題のような場合はa programがよいでしょう。

 

3.       「改善を迫られている」という表現は「富山県庁は改善しなければいけないと思っている」という内容だとおもいます。投稿の表現ですと、この記事の筆者がそうおもう、という感じになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Government of Toyama Prefecture has a public input program by which it broadly accepts citizens’ opinions when it decides new policies. In 2004, the government asked people’s opinions about 35 polices, but six of them could not get any opinions and nine got less than 10 opinions. Now the government thinks that it needs to broadly inform its citizens of the  program.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、25 April 08

 

The Toyama Prefectural Government widely seeks opinions from citizens through the public comment system when it creates policies. The government sought opinions about 35 matters to citizens, but it received no opinions for 6 matters. Nine matters was less than 10 opinions. The government is compelled to improve the method that informs citizens of the system.

 

添削

 

The Toyama Prefectural Government widely seeks opinions from its citizens through the public comment system program when it introduces creates new policies. The government sought opinions about 35 matters to from the citizens, but it received no opinions for 6 matters. Nine matters received was less than 10 opinions. Now Tthe government is being compelled to improve the method that informs the citizens of the program system.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが、Nine matters was less than 10 opinions.は意味は推測できますが不完全な文です。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Toyama Prefectural Government widely seeks opinions from its citizens through the public comment program when it introduces new policies. The government sought opinions about 35 matters from the citizens but received no opinions for 6 matters. Nine matters received less than 10 opinions. Now the government is being compelled to improve the method that informs the citizens of the program .

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(あすか、6 January 07

 

The Government of Toyama Prefecture established a Public Comments Program. When the Toyama government asked the residents' comments for a plan a public opinions on new policies, they had no comments on six out of thirty five new policies in 2004 and other 9 policies got less than 10 comments. The government was forced to a remediation more widely to inform  residents of Toyama about the Public Comments Program.

 

添削

 

The Government of Toyama Prefecture established a Public Comments Program to solicit opinions from residents about new policies1 . When the Toyama government asked the residents' for their comments for a plan a public opinions on new policies, they2 the government received had no comments on six out of thirty five new policies in 2004 and other 9 policies got less than 10 comments on other nine policies3. The government was forced to adopt remedial actions a remediation to more widely to inform the residents of Toyama about the Public Comments Program.

 

コメント

 

1.       これはキーセンテンスなので、添削のようにパブリックコメント制度の説明を簡単に付け加えるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       the governmentにはtheyという代名詞が使えますが、この文にはresidentsという名称もでてくるので、the governmentとしたほうがはっきりするでしょう。

 

3.       文の前半の形に合わせると内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Government of Toyama Prefecture established a Public Comments Program to solicit opinions from residents about new policies. When the Toyama government asked residents for their comments on new policies, the government received no comments on six out of thirty five new policies in 2004 and less than 10 comments on other nine policies. The government was forced to adopt remedial actions to more widely inform the residents of Toyama about the Public Comments Program.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(すみれ、31 October 06

 

Toyama prefectural government introduced Public Comment System to hear the opinions of the public on policy making. In 2004, the government published 35policies to ask for comments but received no response on six policies and less than ten comments on nine policies. The government needs to take some measure to disseminate the system.

 

添削

 

The Toyama pPrefectural gGovernment1 introduced a Public Comment System Program2 to hear the opinions of the public on new policyies making3. In 2004, the government published announced 35 policies to ask for public comments but received no response on six policies and less than ten comments on nine policies. The government feels that it needs4 to take some measure to disseminate publicize the program more widely known by the public the system.

 

コメント

 

1.       The Toyama Prefectural Government, the Government of Toyama Prefectureと固有名詞にします。

 

2.       制度=systemと思いがちですが、education systemのようにsystemは全体としての制度をあらわします。県庁の特別な企画はprogramがよいでしょう。

 

3.       public opinions on policy makingとすると政策立案過程そのものについての意見となります。ここでは個々の政策についての意見ですからpublic opinions on new policiesがよいでしょう。

 

4.       The government needs to take ~.でもよいのですが、こうするとこの記事を書いた人の意見となります。The government feels that it needs to ~.とすると「政府は〜する必要を感じている。」という状況を表現します。このほうが文章の内容に合うようにおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Toyama Prefectural Government introduced a Public Comment Program to hear opinions of the public on new policies. In 2004, the government announced 35 policies for public comments but received no response on six policies and less than ten comments on nine policies. The government feels that it needs to take some measure to publicize the program more widely known by the public .

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Keicoco, 7 October 06

 

The government of Toyama Prefecture asked for public comments on 35 questions through the Public Comments system that heard a wide range of opinions from the citizens to frame new policies in 2004. In these 35 questions, 6 questions could not get any comments and also each of other 9 questions just got less than 10 comments. Now the government is being forced to improve the way of making the system known to more and more people in the prefecture.

 

添削

 

The gGovernment of Toyama Prefecture asked for public comments on 35 questions new policies1 in 2004 through the Public Comments system that heard was intended to elicit a wide range of opinions from the its citizens to frame new policies in 2004. In For these 352 questions policies, 6 questions policies could not get any comments at all and also each of other 9 questions policies just got less than 10 comments each. Now the government is being forced to improve the ways of for making publicizing the system more widely among its citizens known to more and more people in the prefecture.

 

コメント

 

1.       35件と日本文にありますが、「政策を立案するために」ということなので、これは35件の新しい政策、としてthirty five new policiesと表現できます。

 

2.       文章の中に数字が入るときは、数字が一桁か二桁の小さなもののときはthirty five, sixと記述したほうが文章の見た目がきれいになります。~ from its citizens. 6 out of the 35 new policies have received no comments.と数字で文を始めると、数字には大文字が無いので前の文との切れ目がはっきりしません。このような時は、Six out of the thirty five new polices ~と記述するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Government of Toyama Prefecture asked for public comments on 35 new policies in 2004 through the Public Comments system that was intended to elicit a wide range of opinions from its citizens. For these 35 policies, 6 policies could not get any comments at all and other 9 policies just got less than 10 comments each. Now the government is being forced to improve the ways for publicizing the system more widely among its citizens .

 

 

初級練習問題 360

 

今年10月から大阪市の粗大ごみ収集が有料になるのを前に、無料のうちに収集してもらおうという市民からの駆け込みの申し込みが急増している。

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 9 December 10

 

The City of Osaka will start charging its residents for oversized garbage collection effective October this year. The city government is being inundated with rushing last-minutes requests from its residents who want to get the service done while it is free.

 

添削

 

The City of Osaka will start charging its residents for the collection of oversized garbage collection effective October this year. The city government is being inundated with rushing last-minutes requests from its residents who want to get the service done while it is still free.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The City of Osaka will start charging its residents for the collection of oversized garbage  effective October this year. The city government is being inundated with last-minutes requests from its residents who want to get the service done while it is still free.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(さくら、13 June 09

 

In Osaka City, people have to pay some money for their oversized trash collected by the local government in this October. Therefore, citizens are in rush to apply for free collection of their trash avoiding paying extra money.

 

添削

 

In Osaka City, people are going to have to pay some money for their oversized trash collected by the local government in this October1. Therefore, citizens are in rushing to apply for a free collection pick-up of their trash to save avoiding paying extra money.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       The City of Osaka is going to charge fees for the pick-up service of oversized trash this October. と大阪市を動作の主体にしたほうが内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

In Osaka City, people are going to have to pay some money for their oversized trash collected by the local government this October. Therefore, citizens are rushing to apply for a free pick-up of their trash to save money.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、25 April 08

 

Bulky trash collection in Osaka City will be charged from this October. Last-minute applications from citizens who want to collect trash free of charge are sharply increasing.

 

添削

 

Bulky trash collection in Osaka City will be charged fees to the citizens from this October. Last-minute applications from the citizens who want to collect get their trash collected free of charge are sharply increasing.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、the citizens who want to get their trash collectedとしないと意味が通じません。

 

添削後の文章

 

Bulky trash collection in Osaka City will charge fees to the citizens from this October. Last-minute applications from the citizens who want to get their trash collected free of charge are sharply increasing.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(あすか、6 January 07

 

The City of Osaka Hall is going to switch from picking up bulky items to paid service this October. The city has been deluged with applications from residents who take this service while it is still free.

 

添削

 

The City of Osaka Hall1 is going to switch pick-up of bulky waste from free service picking up bulky items to paid service2 this October. Since the announcement3, Tthe city has been deluged with applications from residents who want to take use this service while it is still free.

 

コメント

 

1.       大阪支庁はthe City of Osakaまたはthe Osaka City Hallと表現できます。

 

2.       switch X from A to Bという形がわかりやすいでしょう。

 

3.       前の文との関連をつけるために、日本文にはありませんが、since the announcement (有料化の発表後に)を入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The City of Osaka is going to switch pick-up of bulky waste from free service to paid service this October. Since the announcement, the city has been deluged with applications from residents who want to use this service while it is still free.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(すみれ、2 November 06

 

The Osaka City Office is going to start charging fees for picking up bulky waste this October. The increasing number of last-minute applications are made by people who want their waste picked up free of charge.

 

添削

 

The Osaka City Office1 is going to start charging fees for picking up bulky wastes2 this October. Now3 The an increasing number of last-minute applications are being made by people who want their wastes picked up free of charge.

 

コメント

 

1.       大阪市役所の意味でthe City of Osaka, the Osaka City Hallという表現が一般的ですが、the Osaka City Officeでもわかります。

 

2.       wasteはゴミ、使い終わったもの、の意味で付加算名詞、加算名詞の両方の使い方がありますが、家庭ゴミはwastesと複数形が一般的です。

 

3.       前の文とのつながりをよくするために入れました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Osaka City Office is going to start charging fees for picking up bulky wastes this October. Now an increasing number of last-minute applications are being made by people who want their wastes picked up free of charge.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Keicoco, 9 October 06

 

The City of Osaka will begin charging its residents for bulky wastes collection this October. An increasing number of people are hurriedly asking the city to collect their balky wastes for free before that day to come.

 

添削

 

The City of Osaka will begin charging its residents for picking up1bulky wastes collection this October. An increasing number of people are hurriedly asking the city to collect pick up their balky wastes for free before that day to come while the service is still free2.

 

コメント

 

1.       collectでもよいですが、garbage pick-up servicepick upというのが普通です。

 

2.       「無料のうちに」は文章の中でどう使われているかで英語表現が違ってきます。この句だけに対応する英文表現を探すのではなくて、文章の中でどう使われているかに注意して内容を英文で表現するとよいでしょう。この問題では「まだこのサービスが無料のうちに」という節で表現しました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The City of Osaka will begin charging its residents for picking up bulky wastes this October. An increasing number of people are hurriedly asking the city to pick up their balky wastes  while the service is still free.