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初級練習問題添削 341−350

 

初級連取問題 341 (3 Oct 06) (24 Mar 08) (18 Nov 10) (13 Dec 11)

 

初級連取問題 342 (3 Oct 06) (29 Mar 08) (18 Nov 10) (15 Dec 11) (1 Aug 13)

                     (7 Sept 13)

 

初級連取問題 343 (5 Oct 06) (7 Apr 08) (19 Nov 10) (27 Feb 12) (12 Aug 13)

 

初級連取問題 344 (17 Sept 06) (6 Oct 06) (8 Apr 08) (20 Nov 10) (12 Aug 13)

 

初級連取問題 345 (10 Oct 06) (10 Apr 08) (22 Nov 10) (29 Feb 12) (19 Aug 13)

 

初級連取問題 346 (19 Sept 06) (14 Oct 06) (12 Apr 08) (25 Nov 10) (19 June 12)

                     (19 Aug 13)

 

初級連取問題 347 (22 Sept 06) (15 Oct 06) (13 Apr 08) (27 Nov 10) (8 June 13)

           (23 Sept 13)

 

初級連取問題 348 (23 Sept 06) (17 Oct 06) (16 Apr 08) (27 Nov 10) (11 Aug 12)

                     (9 June 13) (23 Sept 13)

 

初級連取問題 349 (17 Sept 06) (19 Oct 06) (17 Apr 08) (28 Nov 10) (20 Oct 12)

                     (10 June 13) (2 Oct 13)

 

初級連取問題 350 (19 Oct 06) (20 Oct 06) (18 Apr 08) (30 Nov 10) (8 Oct 13) (9 Nov 13)

 

 

初級練習問題 341

 

資源エネルギー庁は8月14日、大陸棚調査を委託した海底調査会社「深海資源開発」(本社・東京都中央区)が今年6月、小笠原諸島の父島沖で水深5815メートルの海底でボーリング調査をすることに成功したと発表した。ケーブルの先に装着した掘削機を船上から遠隔操作する「吊り下げ着座型」の手法では世界新記録で、米国船籍の海底調査船が達成した水深2400メートルの記録を2倍以上更新した。

 

読者からの投稿 4(Kalo, 13 December 11

 

August 14, the Agency for Natural Resources and Energy announced that a drilling survey of the continental shelf was successfully conducted June this year by operating a drilling machine on the 5,815 meter-deep seabed off Chichijima island of the Ogasawara islands. The survey was commissioned to the Deep Ocean Resources Development Co., Ltd. (Chuo Ward, Tokyo).     

 

The depth of 5,815 meters is a world record for the use of a suspended seabed drilling system in which a drilling machine connected at the end of a cable was remotely controlled by an operator on a vessel. This world record is more than twice as deep as the record of 2,400 meters achieved by a survey vessel of U.S. registry.  

 

添削

 

On August 14, the Agency for Natural Resources and Energy announced that a drilling survey of the continental shelf was successfully conducted in June this year by operating a drilling machine on the 5,815 meter-deep seabed off Chichijima iIsland of the Ogasawara iIslands. The survey was commissioned to the Deep Ocean Resources Development Co., Ltd. (Chuo Ward, Tokyo).     

 

The depth of 5,815 meters is was1 a world record for the use of a suspended seabed drilling system in which a drilling machine connected at the end of a cable was remotely controlled by an operator on a vessel. This world record was is more than twice as deep as the record of 2,400 meters achieved by a survey vessel of U.S. registry.  

 

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。複雑な内容をわかりやすくまとめています。

 

このパラグラフ全体を現在形で表現しても良いですが、過去形にすると前のパラグラフの内容とよく連結します。

 

添削後の文章

 

On August 14, the Agency for Natural Resources and Energy announced that a drilling survey of the continental shelf was successfully conducted in June this year by operating a drilling machine on the 5,815 meter-deep seabed off Chichijima Island of the Ogasawara Islands. The survey was commissioned to the Deep Ocean Resources Development Co., Ltd. (Chuo Ward, Tokyo).     

 

The depth of 5,815 meters was a world record for the use of a suspended seabed drilling system in which a drilling machine connected at the end of a cable was remotely controlled by an operator on a vessel. This world record was more than twice as deep as the record of 2,400 meters achieved by a survey vessel of U.S. registry.  

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(mxtomi, 18 November 10

 

On August 14, the Agency for Natural Resources and Energy announced that the “The Deep Ocean Resource Development”, a Tokyo based research company for seabed who has been commissioned a research on the continental shelf by the agency, successfully conducted a boring exploration at the seabed 5,815 meters below the surface off Chichijima Island of the Ogasawara Islands in June this year. The depth they attained set a new world record in the” suspension seat” method where an excavator fixed at the end of a guide cable is remotely controlled from a ship, breaking by more than twice the previous record of 2,400 meters set by a survey ship of the US registry.

 

添削

 

On August 14, the Agency for Natural Resources and Energy announced that the “The Deep Ocean Resource Development”, a Tokyo based research company for resources on the seabed, had who has been commissioned a research on the continental shelf by the agency1, successfully conducted a boring exploration at the seabed 5,815 meters below the surface off Chichijima Island of the Ogasawara Islands in June this year. The agency commissioned the company to conduct a research on the continental shelf. The depth they the company had attained set a new world record for in the” suspension seat” method where an excavator fixed at the end of a guide cable was is remotely controlled from a ship. The new record was2, breaking by more than twice as deep as the previous record of 2,400 meters set by a survey ship of the US registry.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       この説明が長いので、後の続く要旨の印象が薄れます。

 

2.       新しい文にしたほうが読みやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On August 14, the Agency for Natural Resources and Energy announced that the “The Deep Ocean Resource Development”, a Tokyo based research company for resources on the seabed, had successfully conducted a boring exploration at the seabed 5,815 meters below the surface off Chichijima Island of the Ogasawara Islands in June this year. The agency commissioned the company to conduct a research on the continental shelf. The depth the company had attained set a new world record for the” suspension seat” method where an excavator fixed at the end of a guide cable was remotely controlled from a ship. The new record was more than twice as deep as the previous record of 2,400 meters set by a survey ship of the US registry.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(岩ちゃん、24 March 08

 

The Resources and Energy Agency entrusted the research of continental shelves to the Deep-sea Mineral Exploitation, Ltd. which contracts for the exploration of the seabed on August 14. The company announced that it was successful in a boring investigation at the seabed which is 5815 meters below the surface of the sea off Chichijima of Ogasawara Islands. In this boring investigation, the company used a method that an excavator attached at the end of the cable can be remote-controlled from a ship. Such a boring investigation at the seabed which is 5815 meters established a new world record. This record renewed twice deeper than the record of 2400 meters made by a seabed-researching ship in America.

 

添削

 

On August 14, Tthe Resources and Energy Agency entrusted announced that the research of continental shelves to the Deep-sea Mineral Exploitation, Ltd., to which the Agency contractsed for the exploration of the seabed off the Japanese islands, on August 14. The company announced that it was successful in a boring an investigation well at the seabed which is 5,815 meters below the surface of the sea off Chichijima Island of the Ogasawara Islands. In this boring investigation, the company used a method that an excavator attached at the end of the a cable can be was remote-controlled from a ship. For this method, Such a boring investigation at the seabed which is 5,815 meters established a new world record. that was This record renewed more than twice as deeper as than the previous record of 2,400 meters made by a seabed-researching ship in America the United States.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、which contracts for the exploration of the seabed on August 14This record renewed twice deeper than the record of 2400 meters made by a seabed-researching ship in America. の内容がわかりません。添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On August 14, the Resources and Energy Agency announced that Deep-sea Mineral Exploitation, Ltd., to which the Agency contracted for the exploration of the seabed off the Japanese islands, was successful in boring an investigation well at the seabed which is 5,815 meters below the surface off Chichijima Island of the Ogasawara Islands. In this boring investigation, the company used a method that an excavator attached at the end of a cable  was remote-controlled from a ship. For this method, 5,815 meters established a new world record that was more than twice as deep as the previous record of 2,400 meters made by a seabed-research ship in the United States.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(さくら、3 October 06

 

The Japanese Agency for Natural Resources and Energy announced on August 14 that Deep Ocean Resources Development Co., Ltd, headquartered in Chou Ward, Tokyo, had succeeded in 5815 meters deep boring exploration at the sea bottom off Chichijima Island in the Ogasawara Islands this June. The company was committed the exploration of the continental shelf around the area by the agency. This success of the exploration set a world record for the deepest sea research by the method of “suspending land style” which descended a drill equipped at the end of the cable from the boat and controlled it remotely. The record of 5815 meters in depth is around twice as deep as the record of 2400 meters achieved by a US registered ship.

 

添削

 

The Japanese Agency for Natural Resources and Energy announced on August 14 that Deep Ocean Resources Development Co., Ltd, headquartered in Chou Chuou Ward, Tokyo, had succeeded in the 5,815 meters -deep boring exploration at the sea bottom off Chichijima Island in the Ogasawara Islands this June. The company was committed commissioned the exploration of the continental shelf around the area by the agency. This The success of the this exploration set a world record for the deepest sea bottom boring research by the method of “suspending land drill style” which descended a drill equipped at the end of the cable from the boat ship1 and controlled it remotely2. The record of 5,815 meters in depth is around about twice as deep as the previous record of 2,400 meters achieved by a US registered ship.

 

コメント

 

1.       boatは小型のものなので、shipが良いでしょう。

 

 

2.       「ケーブルの先に装着した掘削機を船上から遠隔操作する吊り下げ着座型の手法」は英文で表現するときにどのようにすっきりとわかりやすくするか考えるところですね。さくらさんは先ず「吊り下げ着座型の手法」the method of suspended drill styleとして、この方法を関係代名詞で説明しています。「この方法はケーブルの先端に装置したドリルを船から(海中に)降ろして(船上から)遠隔に操作する。」which descended a drill equipped at the end of the cable from the ship and controlled it remotely. 関係代名詞をこの方法にしたことで説明がとてもわかりやすくなっています。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Japanese Agency for Natural Resources and Energy announced on August 14 that Deep Ocean Resources Development Co., Ltd, headquartered in Chuou Ward, Tokyo, had succeeded in the 5,815 meter -deep boring exploration at the sea bottom off Chichijima Island in the Ogasawara Islands this June. The company was commissioned the exploration of the continental shelf around the area by the agency. The success of this exploration set a world record for the deepest sea bottom boring by the method of “suspending drill style” which descended a drill equipped at the end of the cable from the ship and controlled it remotely. The record of 5,815 meters in depth is about twice as deep as the previous record of 2,400 meters achieved by a US registered ship.

 

 

初級練習問題 342

 

英国の旅客機爆破テロ計画の発覚を受け、国内各空港の米国便搭乗ゲートで8月14日、乗客の手荷物すべてを開ける検査が始まり、成田空港では、乗客がゲート前に検査待ちの長い列をつくった。テロ計画で標的とされた米国便では、ペットボトルなどに入った液体物の機内持ち込みがすでに禁止されている。米国運輸安全局(the US Transportation Safety Agency)が、さらに検査を徹底するため、出国審査前の検査に加え、米国便に乗り込む直前の搭乗ゲートでも手荷物検査するよう各航空会社に通達した。

 

読者からの投稿 6(OKEN, 7 September 13

 

Having received information that the plot to bomb a British passenger plane was brought to light, Japanese authorities have begun baggage inspection in which passenger’s all bags are checked, at boarding gates for USA in every domestic airport, from August 14. They have already banned passengers from carrying on plastic bottled liquid material in planes for USA which were allegedly a target of terrorist plans. In order to carry out thorough security screening, in addition to security check at departure procedures, the US Transportation Safety Agency notified all airline companies to check carry-on baggage even at boarding gates just before boarding on planes for USA.

 

添削

 

Having received information that1 After the plot to bomb a British passenger plane had been2 was brought to light, Japanese authorities have begun inspecting baggage inspection in which passenger’s all bags of a passenger are checked, at the boarding gates for USA in every domestic airport, from on August 14. They have already banned passengers from carrying on plastic bottled any liquid material in a plastic bottle in into the airplanes for USA, which was were allegedly a target of terrorist attacks plans. In order to carry out thorough security screening, in addition to the regular security check at the security gate3 departure procedures, the US Transportation Safety Agency notified all airline companies to check carry-on baggage again even at boarding gates just before passengersboarding on planes for USA.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       余分な情報なので省略します。

 

2.       この文の時制は、authorities beganbeganを時間の起点にすると、これ以前の事柄はhad been brought to lightとなります。

 

3.       具体的にするとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

After the plot to bomb a British passenger plane had been brought to light, Japanese authorities begun inspecting all bags of a passenger at the boarding gates for USA in every domestic airport on August 14. They have already banned passengers from carrying any liquid in a plastic bottle into the airplane for USA, which was allegedly a target of terrorist attacks. In order to carry out thorough security screening, in addition to the regular security check at the security gate, the US Transportation Safety Agency notified all airline companies to check carry-on baggage again at boarding gates just before passengers’ boarding on planes for USA.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 1 August 13

 

After a terrorists' plot to bomb a British passenger plane was discovered, strict security check was installed on 14 August at all airports in Japan for flights bound for the US. From that day on, passengers traveling to the US have to show the contain of their carry-in bags at boarding gates of the airports. At Narita Airport, these passengers made a long line to wait for this security check. In the US, carrying bottled liquid into planes has already been prohibited because terrorists targeted flights bound for the US. The US Transportation Safety Agency urged passenger plane companies in the world to conduct more thorough check of carry-in bags not only at security checkpoints before the immigration but also at security checkpoints before boarding gates for flights to the US.

 

添削

 

After a terrorists' plot to bomb a British passenger plane was discovered, a strict security check program was installed implemented on 14 August at all airports in Japan for flights bound for the US. From that day on, passengers traveling to the US have to show the contain contents of their carry-on in bags at boarding gates of the airports. At Narita Airport, these passengers made a long line to wait for this security check. In the US, carrying bottled liquid into planes has already been prohibited because terrorists targeted flights bound for the US. The US Transportation Safety Agency urged passenger plane companies in the world to conduct a more thorough check of carry-on in bags not only at security checkpoints before the immigration but also at security checkpoints just before boarding gates for flights to the US.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

After a terrorists' plot to bomb a British passenger plane was discovered, a strict security check program was implemented on 14 August at all airports in Japan for flights bound for the US. From that day on, passengers traveling to the US have to show the contents of their carry-on bags at boarding gates of the airports. At Narita Airport, passengers made a long line to wait for this security check. In the US, carrying bottled liquid into planes has already been prohibited because terrorists targeted flights bound for the US. The US Transportation Safety Agency urged passenger plane companies in the world to conduct a more thorough check of carry-on bags not only at security checkpoints before the immigration but also at security checkpoints just before boarding gates for flights to the US.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(who, 15 December 11

 

Due to the recent revelation of a terrorist plot targeting jetliners in Britain, tight carry-on baggage inspections were started on August 14 at all airports across the country. At Narita Airport, long lines of passengers were seen waiting for the inspections at the boarding gates when they were traveling to the United States. Since the discovery of the failed terrorist plot that targeted the Unites States, passengers flying to the country have been prohibited to take any fluids onto aircraft. To reinforce security checks at airports, the US Transportation Safety Agency has ordered airliners to conduct carry-on baggage inspections at a boarding gate in addition to the time when passengers check in at their ticketing counter.

 

添削

 

Due to the recent revelation of a terrorist plot targeting British jetliners in Britain, tight carry-on baggage inspections were started on August 14 at all airports in Japan for passengers leaving for the United States. across the country. At Narita Airport, long lines of passengers were seen waiting for the inspections at the boarding gates when they were traveling to the United States. Since the discovery of the failed terrorist plot that targeted the Unites States, passengers flying to the country have been prohibited to take any fluids onto an aircraft. To reinforce security checks at airports, the US Transportation Safety Agency has ordered airliners to conduct carry-on baggage inspections at a boarding gate in addition to that the time when passengers check in to the waiting hall at their ticketing counter.

 

コメント

 

内容はすべてわかりますが、最初の文に日本の空港で米国行きの旅行者のついての検査であることをはっきりさせるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Due to the recent revelation of a terrorist plot targeting British jetliners, tight carry-on baggage inspections were started on August 14 at all airports in Japan for passengers leaving for the United States. .At Narita Airport, long lines of passengers were seen waiting for the inspection at the boarding gates. Since the discovery of the failed terrorist plot that targeted the Unites States, passengers flying to the country have been prohibited to take any fluid onto an aircraft. To reinforce security checks at airports, the US Transportation Safety Agency has ordered airliners to conduct carry-on baggage inspections at a boarding gate in addition to that when passengers check in to the waiting hall .

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(mxtomi, 18 November 10

 

On August 14, tightened inspection on carry-on baggage started at the boarding gate for all flights to the US at all airports in Japan, in the wake of the discovery of an attempted terrorist bombing on a passenger aircraft in a British airport. The new procedures required passengers to open all their carry-on baggage, causing many passengers to wait for the inspection in long queues in front of the boarding gates at Narita International Airport. All carry-on liquids such as those in plastic bottles have already been prohibited on flights bound for the US airports which were targeted by terrorists. The US Transportation Safety Agency has instructed all the US airlines to conduct the inspection at the final boarding gate in addition to the one done before the embarkation procedure to ensure thorough inspections.

 

添削

 

On August 14, tightened closer inspection on of carry-on baggage started at the boarding gates for all flights to the US at all airports in Japan, in the wake of the discovery of an attempted terrorist bombing on a passenger aircraft in at a British airport. The new procedures required passengers to open all their carry-on baggage, causing many passengers to wait for the inspection in long queues in front of the boarding gates at Narita International Airport. All carry-on liquids such as those in plastic bottles have already been prohibited on flights bound for the US airports which were targeted by terrorists. The US Transportation Safety Agency has instructed all the US airlines to conduct the this new inspection at the final boarding gate in addition to the one already done at the regular security check gate before the embarkation procedure to ensure thorough inspections.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On August 14, closer inspection of carry-on baggage started at the boarding gates for all flights to the US at all airports in Japan, in the wake of the discovery of an attempted terrorist bombing on a passenger aircraft at a British airport. The new procedures required passengers to open all their carry-on baggage, causing many passengers to wait for the inspection in long queues in front of the boarding gates at Narita International Airport. All carry-on liquids such as those in plastic bottles have already been prohibited on flights bound for the US airports which were targeted by terrorists. The US Transportation Safety Agency has instructed all the US airlines to conduct this new inspection at the final boarding gate in addition to the one already done at the regular security check gate to ensure thorough inspection.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(岩ちゃん、29 March 08

 

It was found out that terrorists had had a plan to explode an England passenger plane. Airport officials started an inspection to open all their baggages at boarding gates for flight to the States in each airport in Japan on August 14. In Narita airport, passengers made a long line at the gates to wait for the inspection. Airlines have already prohibited passenger from bringing bottled liquid to airplanes for America terrorists aim. To more ensure inspections, the US Transportation Safety Agency gave each airline notice so that airport officials check passengers' baggage even at boarding gates before boarding airplanes for America beside the inspection before departure formalities.

 

添削

 

It was found out that After1 a terrorists’ plan had had a plan to explode an England passenger plane had been discovered,. Aairport officials started an inspection to open all their baggages  at the boarding gates for the flights to the United States2 in at all each airports in Japan on August 14. In At Narita International aAirport, passengers made a long line at the gates to wait for the inspection. Airlines have already prohibited passenger from bringing bottled liquid to into the airplanes for America terrorists aim bound for the United States that were possible targets for terrorists’ attacks. To more ensure inspections security further, the US Transportation Safety Agency gave each airline a notice so that airport officials to check passengers' baggage even at the boarding gates before boarding the airplanes for America the United States beside the normal inspection at the inspection gate before departure formalities.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       こうすると次の文とのつながりがよくなります。

 

2.       米国はthe United Statesと記述するとはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

After a terrorists’ plan to explode an England passenger plane had been discovered, airport officials started an inspection to open all baggage at the boarding gates for the flights to the United States at all airports in Japan on August 14. At Narita International Airport, passengers made a long line at the gates to wait for the inspection. Airlines have already prohibited passenger from bringing bottled liquid into the airplanes bound for the United States that were possible targets for terrorists’ attacks. To ensure security further, the US Transportation Safety Agency gave each airline a notice to check passengers' baggage even at the boarding gates before boarding the airplanes for the United States beside the normal inspection at the inspection gate.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(さくら、3 October 06

 

After a plot to blow up passenger airplanes by terrorists was revealed in the UK, hand-carry luggage inspection for all passengers was started on August 14 at the boarding gates for the flights to the U.S. in the airports of Japan. Long passengers’ queues were made in front of the boarding gates in the Narita Airport as well. All kinds of Liquid, such as drinks in the plastic bottles, has been banned to bring into the planes which depart for the U.S cities because the flights for the U.S. were targeted by the terrorist attack. The US Transportation Safety Agency noticed to each airline companies that the hand-carry luggage inspection just before boarding a flight was also required to make sure the through check in adding to the baggage examination prior to the passport control.

 

添削

 

After a plot to blow up passenger airplanes by terrorists was revealed in the UK, the inspection of hand-carryied luggage1 inspection for of all passengers was started on August 14 at the boarding gates for the flights to the U.S. in at the all airports in of Japan. Passengers made Llong passengers’ queues2 were made in front of the boarding gates in at the Narita Airport as well. All Any3 kinds of Lliquid, such as drinks in the plastic bottles, has been banned to be brought bring into the planes which depart for the U.S cities because the flights for the U.S. were targeted by the terrorist attack. The US Transportation Safety Agency noticed to asked all each airline companies to conduct that the inspection of the hand-carryied luggage inspection just before passengers go on boarding an airplane flight again after they was also required to make sure the through check in adding to go through the baggage luggage examination at the checking gates4 prior to the passport control.

 

コメント

 

1.       hand-carried luggage inspectionと複合名詞にすると「手で運べる装置による検査」という意味にも取れます。複合名詞は名詞の間の関係が曖昧になるのでthe inspection of hand-carried luggageとこの関係をはっきりさせます。

 

2.       Long passengers’ queues were madePassengers made long queuesと人間を主語にしたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

3.       any kind of liquidとしたほうが意味が強調されます。all kinds of liquidでも理論的には同じものを指すのですが、英文の感覚では「あれもこれもいろいろな液体」で実際には何かこれから落ちている液体もあるような印象になります。

 

4.       この検査方法の記述は複雑ですね。空港の搭乗手続きは先ず、飛行機会社のカウンターで切符を見せ搭乗券をもらい、ここで飛行機の倉庫にいれる荷物の簡単な機械による検査がありますね(きっと飛行機に積み込む前にもう一度検査をしているのでしょう)。次に機内持ち込み荷物(一般にcarry-on luggageと言います)をチェックイン・ゲートで係官が検査をします。従来はこれで検査は終わりでしたが、この米国運輸安全局の要請は、お客が搭乗待合室から飛行機に入る前にもう一度検査をする、ということですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

After a plot to blow up passenger airplanes by terrorists was revealed in the UK, the inspection of hand-carried luggage of all passengers was started on August 14 at the boarding gates for the flights to the U.S. at all airports in Japan. Passengers made long  queues in front of the boarding gates at Narita Airport. Any kind of liquid, such as drinks in the plastic bottles, has been banned to be brought into the planes which depart for the U.S cities because the flights for the U.S. were targeted by the terrorist attack. The US Transportation Safety Agency asked all airline companies to conduct the inspection of hand-carried luggage just before passengers go on board an airplane again after they go through the luggage examination at the checking gates .

 

 

初級練習問題 343

 

東京電力は8月14日に首都圏の約139万世帯に及んだ大規模停電の原因となったクレーン船の接触事故で損傷した電線を含む送電ルートを、早ければ15日に再開させる見通しを明らかにした。事故後に切り替えた別ルートによる送電は、ほかの設備に負荷がかかるような問題は生じないものの、東電では「電力需要が高い夏場を考慮し、電力の安定供給のため通常の状態に早く戻したい」として、復旧作業を急いでいる。

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 12 August 13

 

Tokyo Electronic Power Co., Inc. announced that it would resume the transmission of electric power as early as August 15 to the area where an extensive blackout happened on August 14. The electricity went out at about 1,390,000 homes in the Tokyo area since a crane barge touched electric wires and caused damage to them. The company has been transmitting electricity by different routes after the accident and it hasn't put additional pressure on other facilities so far. Even so, the company has speeded up recovery works to restore normal electricity supply as soon as possible because a large amount of electricity is now in demand.

 

添削

 

Tokyo Electronic Power Co., Inc. announced that it would resume the transmission of electric power as early as August 15 to the area where an extensive blackout happened on August 14. The electricity went out at about 1,390,000 homes in the Tokyo area since a crane barge touched electric wires and caused damage to them. The company has been transmitting electricity by different routes after the accident and it hasn't put additional pressure on other facilities so far. Even so, the company has speeded up recovery works to restore normal electricity supply as soon as possible because a large amount of electricity is now in demand in summer.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。

 

添削後の文章

 

Tokyo Electronic Power Co., Inc. announced that it would resume the transmission of electric power as early as August 15 to the area where an extensive blackout happened on August 14. The electricity went out at about 1,390,000 homes in the Tokyo area since a crane barge touched electric wires and caused damage to them. The company has been transmitting electricity by different routes after the accident and it hasn't put additional pressure on other facilities so far. Even so, the company has speeded up recovery works to restore normal electricity supply as soon as possible because a large amount of electricity is now in demand in summer.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Kalo, 27 February 12

 

On August 14, Tokyo Electric Power Co. announced that it would resume electricity supply as early as August 15 to the areas affected by a massive blackout in Tokyo and neighboring prefectures. The power failure occurred when a raised construction crane on a barge accidentally hit high power cables, cutting off electricity to about 1.39 million households in the areas, until the company managed to activate another cable route. Rerouting electricity supply will not likely place excessive burden on other facilities, but taking into account that it is now in high demand for electricity, the company says, it is speeding up the repair of the damaged cables to return to normal operations for a stable supply for electricity.

 

添削

 

On August 14, Tokyo Electric Power Co. announced that it would resume electricity supply as early as August 15 to the areas affected by a massive blackout in Tokyo and neighboring prefectures. The power failure occurred when a raised construction crane on a barge accidentally hit high power cables, cutting off electricity to about 1.39 million households in the areas, until the company managed to activate another cable route. Rerouting electricity supply will not likely place an excessive burden on other facilities,. bBut taking into account that it is now in a high demand season for electricity, the company says, that it is speeding up the repair of the damaged cables to return to normal operations for a stable supply for electricity.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。

 

添削後の文章

 

On August 14, Tokyo Electric Power Co. announced that it would resume electricity supply as early as August 15 to the areas affected by a massive blackout in Tokyo and neighboring prefectures. The power failure occurred when a raised construction crane on a barge accidentally hit high power cables, cutting off electricity to about 1.39 million households in the areas, until the company managed to activate another cable route. Rerouting electricity supply will not likely place an excessive burden on other facilities. But taking into account that it is now in a high demand season for electricity, the company says that it is speeding up the repair of the damaged cables to return to normal operations for a stable supply for electricity.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(mxtomi, 19 Nov 10

 

Tokyo Electric Power announced that it would resume as early as August 15 an electric transmission through the route which includes cables damaged by a crane ship. The cables have been cut off by accidental contact with a crane ship on August 14, causing a massive blackout involving about 1.39 million households in the Tokyo metropolitan area. Apparently, the power transmission via a temporary route which has been used after the accident occurred is unlikely to cause any overloads on other networks. Nevertheless, the company is concentrating on speeding up its restoration efforts to the normal network to ensure a stable power supply in light of peak power demand in the summer.

 

添削

 

Tokyo Electric Power announced that it would resume as early as August 15 an electric transmission through the route which includes cables damaged by a crane ship. The cables have been cut off by accidental contact1 with when athe crane ship accidentally came in contact with them on August 14, causing a massive blackout involving about 1.39 million households in the Tokyo metropolitan area. Apparently, the power transmission via a temporary route which has been used after the accident occurred is unlikely to cause any overloads on other networks. Nevertheless, the company has been working hard to is concentrating on speeding up its repair the damages cables as soon as possible restoration efforts to the normal network2 to ensure a stable power supply in light of peak power demand in the summer.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       送電線が動いて船と接触した、という印象を受けるので、添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       it would resume …と既に言ってあるので、省略してよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Tokyo Electric Power announced that it would resume as early as August 15 an electric transmission through the route which includes cables damaged by a crane ship. The cables have been cut off when the crane ship accidentally came in contact with them on August 14, causing a massive blackout involving about 1.39 million households in the Tokyo metropolitan area. Apparently, the power transmission via a temporary route which has been used after the accident is unlikely to cause any overload on other networks. Nevertheless, the company has been working hard to repair the damages cables as soon as possible to ensure a stable power supply in light of peak power demand in the summer.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(岩ちゃん、7 April 08

 

About 1.39 million households in the capital territory suffered from a huge blackout on August 14. It caused the blackout that a floating crane running in a river had cut electric wires. Tokyo Electric Power announced a prospect that it would restore power lines containing the damaged electric wires and supply electric power by August 15 at the earliest. After the accident, Tokyo Electric Power transmitted electricity through other power cables. Fortunately, there were no troubles that gave overload to other facilities. Tokyo Electric Power is hurrying recovery work as it thinks that considering high demand for electrical power, power lines should come back to normal as soon as possible to ensure a stable supply of electric power.

 

添削

 

About 1.39 million households in the capital Tokyo metropolitan area territory suffered from a huge large-scale blackout on August 14. It caused tThe blackout1 that was caused when a floating crane running in a the river had cut electric wires. Tokyo Electric Power announced a prospect that it would restore repair2 the power lines containing the damaged electric wires and supply the electric power would be restored by August 15 at the earliest. After the accident, Tokyo Electric Power transmitted electricity through other power cables lines. Fortunately, there were no troubles problems of that gave overloading to other facilities. In the meantime, Tokyo Electric Power is hurrying the repairing recovery work as because it thinks that considering the high demand for electrical power, the damaged power lines should come back to the normal status as soon as possible to ensure a stable supply of electric power.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       この文章の焦点であるthe blackoutを主語にすると読みやすくなります。

 

2.       損傷した送電線を修理して、電力を復旧する、とするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

About 1.39 million households in the Tokyo metropolitan area suffered from a large-scale blackout on August 14. The blackout was caused when a floating crane in the river cut electric wires. Tokyo Electric Power announced that it would repair the power lines containing the damaged electric wires and the electric power would be restored by August 15. After the accident, Tokyo Electric Power transmitted electricity through other power lines. Fortunately, there were no problems of overloading other facilities. In the meantime, Tokyo Electric Power is hurrying the repairing work because it thinks that considering the high demand for electric power, the damaged power lines should come back to the normal status as soon as possible to ensure a stable supply of electric power.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(さくら、5 October 06

 

The Tokyo Electric Power Company showed on August 14 an outlook on resumption of supplying power to 1.39 million household in the metropolitan Tokyo as early as August 15 through the electric wires which were cut off by a hit of a construction crane on a barge. One million and thirty nine houses were in blackout when the accident occurred, but shortly after the accident, electric power was restored through another route of wires. The Tokyo Electric Power Company says using the another route of cables does not lead special overwork to the electric facilities, but the company hurries to set back the route of electric power supply to the normal system because the company needs to prepare for high power demand in summer.

 

添削

 

The Tokyo Electric Power Company showed announced on August 14 that an outlook on the resumption of supplying power to 1.39 million household in the metropolitan Tokyo would be completed1 as early as August 15 through the electric wires transmission lines which were cut off by a hit of the a construction crane on a barge. One million and thirty nine houses were in blacked out when the accident occurred., but But shortly after the accident, electric power was restored through another transmission route  of wires. The Tokyo Electric Power Company says using the another route of cables does not overburden lead special overwork to the electric facilities., but However, the company hurries to set back the route restore of electric power supply to the normal system of power supply2 because the company needs to prepare for high power demand for electric power3 in summer.

 

1.       showed an outlook on the resumption of ~ 以下の名詞節ではresumptionが大切な動詞の役をしていますが、これを補助するように would be completedといれると内容がわかりやすくなります。いっそうのこと、Tokyo Electric Power Company announced that they could restore power supply ~ とするともっとはっきりします。

 

2.       the normal system of power supplyとすると文が簡単になります。

 

3.       high power demandでも意味はわかりますが、複合名詞を使わずにhigh demand for electric powerとしたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Tokyo Electric Power Company announced on August 14 that the resumption of supplying power to 1.39 million household in the metropolitan Tokyo would be completed as early as August 15 through the electric transmission lines which were cut off by the crane on a barge. One million and thirty nine houses were blacked out when the accident occurred. But shortly after the accident, electric power was restored through another transmission route. Tokyo Electric Power Company says using the another route does not overburden the electric facilities. However, the company hurries to restore the normal system of power supply because the company needs to prepare for high demand for electric power in summer.

 

 

初級練習問題 344

 

警察署からわずか100メートルの銀行で白昼、銃声が響いた。横浜市磯子区の横浜銀行磯子支店で8月10日起きた強盗事件。ナイフを持った男は「爆発物だ」と不審物を示し、警備員を人質に取って現金1000万円を奪った。駆け付けた警官は拳銃2発を発射して男を組み伏せた。支店内にいた客と行員は凍り付き、爆発物処理班も出動し、騒然となった。

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 12 August 13

 

On August 10, sounds of gunshots resonated in the broad daylight at a bank in Isogo Ward, Yokohama City. A bank robber with a knife burst into the Isogo branch of Yokohama Bank located only 100 meters away from a police station. The robber shouted "I have an explosive", took a security guard as a hostage and grabbed ten million yen. Policemen who rushed to the bank fired two shots and held the robber down. The bank staff and its customers froze with horror. In order to prevent the explosion, a police bomb disposal team deployed at the site. The area around the bank was seething from the event.

 

添削

 

On August 10, sounds of gunshots resonated in the broad daylight at a bank in Isogo Ward, Yokohama City. A bank robber with a knife burst into the Isogo branch of Yokohama Bank located only 100 meters away from a police station. The robber shouted, "I have an explosive", took a security guard as a hostage and grabbed ten million yen. Policemen who rushed to the bank fired two shots and held wrestled the robber down to the floor. The bank staff and its customers froze with horror. In order to prevent the explosion, a police bomb disposal team was deployed at the site. The area around the bank was seething excited by from the event.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On August 10, gunshots resonated in the broad daylight at a bank in Isogo Ward, Yokohama City. A bank robber with a knife burst into the Isogo branch of Yokohama Bank located only 100 meters away from a police station. The robber shouted, "I have an explosive", took a security guard as a hostage and grabbed ten million yen. Policemen who rushed to the bank fired two shots and wrestled the robber down to the floor. The bank staff and its customers froze with horror. In order to prevent the explosion, a police bomb disposal team was deployed at the site. The area around the bank was excited by the event.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 20 November 10

 

Roars of a gun were heard in the area of a bank only 100 meters away from a police station in broad daylight. A robbery took place at Yokohama Bank’s Isogo branch in Isogo-ku, Yokohama on August 10. A man armed with a knife said in a threatening tone that an unidentified object he was holding was an explosive. He then took a security guard hostage and took 10 million yen off the bank. Police men rushed to the scene fired two warning shots and wrestled him to the ground. The customers those present and members of the bank’s staff all froze. Finally, a bomb disposal team was called in. There was quite an uproar around the bank.

 

添削

 

Roars of a gun shots were heard in the area of a bank only 100 meters away from a police station in broad daylight. A man armed with a knife went into robbery took place at a local branch of the Yokohama Bank’s Isogo branch in Isogo-kuWard, Yokohama on August 10. A The man armed with a knife said in a threatening tone that an unidentified object he was holding was an explosive ., He then took a security guard as a hostage, and took 10 million yen from off the bank. Several Ppolice men rushed to the bank scene, fired two warning shots and wrestled him to the ground. The customers in the bank those present and members of the bank’s staff all froze. Finally, a bomb disposal team was called in. There was quite an uproar around the bank while this incident was taking place.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。添削は文の流れをよくしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Roars of gun shots were heard in the area of a bank only 100 meters away from a police station in broad daylight. A man armed with a knife went into a local branch of the Yokohama Bank in Isogo-Ward, Yokohama on August 10. The man said in a threatening tone that he was holding an explosive, took a security guard as a hostage, and took 10 million yen from the bank. Several police men rushed to the bank, fired two warning shots and wrestled him to the ground. The customers in the bank and bank staff all froze. Finally, a bomb disposal team was called in. There was quite an uproar around the bank while this incident was taking place.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、8 April 08

 

A policeman fired a gun at a bank which was only 100 meters from a police station in the daytime. A robbery committed a holdup at the Isogo branch of Yokohama Bank at Isogo Ward in Yokohama City on August 10. The robbery having a knife showed an unidentified object and shouted "This is an explosive." He held a guard man as a hostage and took ten million yen away. A policeman who arrived on the bank fired two bullets to the robbery and wrestled the robbery to the ground. Then, customers and bankers in the branch froze. As a bomb unit was also sent out to the bank, the area around the bank was thrown into a commotion.

 

添削

 

A policeman fired a gun in broad daytime at a bank which was only 100 meters from a police station in the daytime. A robbery committed a holdup at walked into the Isogo branch of Yokohama Bank at Isogo Ward in Yokohama City on August 10. He held The robbery having a knife and showed an unidentified object, and shouteding, "This is an explosive." Then, Hhe held a guard man as a hostage and took ten million yen away. A policeman who arrived on the bank scene and after fireding two bullets warning shots to the robbery and wrestled the robbery to the ground. Then In the meantime, the customers and bankers employees all in the branch froze. As Eventually, a police bomb unit arrived at was also sent out to the bank, but the area around the bank was thrown into a commotion for a while.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。添削は事件の進行がわかりやすくなるようにしました。then, in the meantime, eventuallyなどを使って文と文の関係を滑らかにするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A policeman fired a gun in broad daytime at a bank which was only 100 meters from a police station. A robber walked into the Isogo branch of Yokohama Bank at Isogo Ward in Yokohama City on August 10. He held a knife and showed an unidentified object, shouting, "This is an explosive." Then, he held a guard man as a hostage and took ten million yen away. A policeman arrived on the scene and after firing two warning shots wrestled the robber to the ground. In the meantime, the customers and bank employees all froze. Eventually, a police bomb unit arrived at the bank but the area around the bank was thrown into a commotion for a while.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、6 October 06

 

Sound of a gunshot was heard in a bank which was only one hundred meters away from a police station in the daytime. A bank robbery occurred on August 14 at the Isogo branch office of Yokohama Bank in Isogo Ward, Yokohama City. The robber showed an unidentified object in his hand and said “This is a bomb” . He took a security guard as a hostage and robbed 10 million yen in cash. A policeman who rushed to the bank fired two gunshots and tackled him down. Customers and bank workers froze at the scene. A bomb disposal team was also dispatched and the area was thrown into a commotion.

 

添削

 

Sounds of a gunshots was were1 heard in a bank which was only one hundred meters away from a police station in the broad daytime2. A bank robbery occurred on August 14 at the Isogo branch office of Yokohama Bank in Isogo Ward, Yokohama City. The robber showed an unidentified object in his hand and said, “This is a bomb” . He took a security guard as a hostage and robbed the bank of 10 million yen in cash. A policeman who rushed to the bank fired two gunshots and tackled him down. Customers and bank workers froze at the scene. Soon3, Aa bomb disposal team was also dispatched to the bank and the area was thrown into a commotion.

 

コメント

 

1.       拳銃2発を発射、ということなので複数にしました。

 

2.       in the daytime, in daytimeは「日中に」ということですが、ここでは「真昼間に」という言い方のin broad daytimeを使いました。

 

3.       前の文とのつながりをよくするために、soonなどを入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Sounds of gunshots were heard in a bank which was only one hundred meters away from a police station in broad daytime. A bank robbery occurred on August 14 at the Isogo branch office of Yokohama Bank in Isogo Ward, Yokohama City. The robber showed an unidentified object in his hand and said, “This is a bomb” . He took a security guard as a hostage and robbed the bank of 10 million yen in cash. A policeman who rushed to the bank fired two gunshots and tackled him down. Customers and bank workers froze at the scene. Soon, a bomb disposal team was also dispatched to the bank and the area was thrown into a commotion.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Keicoco, 17 September 06

 

In broad daylight gunshots rang out at the bank that was 100 meters from a police station. This was the robbery that occurred at the Bank of Yokohama in Isogo Ward, Yokohama on August 10. A man with a knife showed an unidentified object, shouting “This is going to explode”, took a bank guard as a hostage and robbed the bank of its ten million yen in cash. The Police rushed into the bank, fired two bullets from their guns and wrested him to the ground. The customers and the bank clerks who were there at the right time froze up. Bomb disposal technicians also came to get rid of the object. The bank was filled with acute tension and terror.

 

添削

 

In broad daylight gunshots rang out at the bank that was only100 meters from a police station. This was the an bank robbery that occurred at the Bank of Yokohama in Isogo Ward, Yokohama on August 10. A man with a knife showed an unidentified object to the customers and bank clerks1, shouting, “This is going to explode., Then2 he took a bank guard as a hostage and robbed the bank of its ten million yen in cash. The PolicePolice men rushed into the bank, fired two bullets warning shots from their guns and wrested him to the ground. The customers and the bank clerks who were there at the right time frozen with fear up. Bomb disposal technicians also came to get rid of the object. In the meantime, the area surrounding Tthe bank was thrown into a commotion as a bomb disposal unit of the police and many spectators gathered in front of the bank3 filled with acute tension and terror.

 

コメント

 

1.       shows something to peopleという構文が一般的なので、ここにto the customers and bank clerksといれるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       投稿文は一つの文にしてありますが、一番最初の部分が長く、また引用句もはいっているので、添削のように文を二つにしたほうが、かえって文章にリズムが出るでしょう。

 

3.       「爆発物処理班も出動し、騒然となった。」とあるので、銀行内で何が起こっているかわかるまで、爆発物処理班は銀行の外で待機し、近くは騒ぎを聞いて駆けつけた野次馬がいっぱいで騒然となった、ということでしょうか。「騒然となる」be thrown into a commotionという表現を使いましたが、Sounds of excitement and commotion surrounded the bank as a bomb disposal unit of the police and spectators rushed to the scene.という表現もできるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

In broad daylight gunshots rang out at the bank that was only100 meters from a police station. This was an bank robbery that occurred at the Bank of Yokohama in Isogo Ward, Yokohama on August 10. A man with a knife showed an unidentified object to the customers and bank clerks, shouting, “This is going to explode.” Then he took a bank guard as a hostage and robbed the bank of ten million yen in cash. Police men rushed into the bank, fired two warning shots and wrested him to the ground. The customers and bank clerks were frozen with fear. In the meantime, the area surrounding the bank was thrown into a commotion as a bomb disposal unit of the police and many spectators gathered in front of the bank .

 

 

初級練習問題 345

 

8月12日の山梨県は上空に寒気が入り込んだ影響で大気の状態が不安定になり、昼過ぎから各地で雷を伴った局地的な大雨となった。甲府地方気象台によると、雨は午後1時過ぎから各地で降り始め、河口湖では1時間あたりの降水量が48・5ミリを記録。激しい雷雨の影響で、帰省ラッシュを迎えたJR中央線が一部で運転を見合わせるなど、交通機関に大きな影響が出た。

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 19 August 13

 

Local heavy rain with thunder hit Yamanashi Prefecture on the early afternoon of August 12 due to unstable atmosphere caused by the entrance of cold air over the prefecture. The Kofu Local Meteorological Observatory announced that the heavy rain started pouring at around 13:00 and the amount of rainfall reached 48.5 millimeters per hour at Kawaguchi Lake. Due to this thunderstorm, some of train services on the JR Cyuo Line were canceled at the busy time when people returned home for Obon holidays.

 

添削

 

Local hHeavy rain with thunder hit Yamanashi Prefecture on the early afternoon of August 12 due to the unstable weather conditions atmosphere caused by the entrance of cold air into over the prefecture. The Kofu Local Meteorological Observatory announced that the heavy rain started pouring down at around 13:00 and the amount of rainfall reached 48.5 millimeters per hour at Kawaguchi Lake. Due to this thunderstorm, some of train services on the JR Cyuo Line were canceled at the busy time when people returned home for Obon holidays.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Heavy rain with thunder hit Yamanashi Prefecture on the early afternoon of August 12 due to the unstable weather conditions caused by the entrance of cold air into the prefecture. The Kofu Local Meteorological Observatory announced that the heavy rain started pouring down at around 13:00 and the amount of rainfall reached 48.5 millimeters per hour at Kawaguchi Lake. Due to this thunderstorm, some of train services on the JR Cyuo Line were canceled at the busy time when people returned home for Obon holidays.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Kalo, 29 February 12

 

On August 15, heavy rains hit Yamanashi Prefecture when a cold weather front moved in and made the local atmospheric conditions unstable. The rain started to fall around 1:00 p.m. in various parts of the prefecture and downpours of 48.5 mm per hour were observed in Lake Kawaguchi, according to the Kofu Local Meteorological Observatory. The thunderstorm disrupted transportation in the prefecture, with train services partially halted in JR Chuo Line during summer holidays, when people go back to their hometown.

 

添削

 

On August 15, heavy rains hit Yamanashi Prefecture when a cold weather front moved in and made the local atmospheric conditions unstable. The rain started to fall around 1:00 p.m. in various parts of the prefecture and downpours of 48.5 mm per hour were observed in Lake Kawaguchi, according to the Kofu Local Meteorological Observatory. The thunderstorm disrupted transportation in the prefecture, with train services partially halted on in JR Chuo Line during summer holidays, when people went go back to their hometowns.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。

 

添削後の文章

 

On August 15, heavy rains hit Yamanashi Prefecture when a cold weather front moved in and made the local atmospheric conditions unstable. The rain started to fall around 1:00 p.m. in various parts of the prefecture and downpours of 48.5 mm per hour were observed in Lake Kawaguchi, according to the Kofu Local Meteorological Observatory. The thunderstorm disrupted transportation in the prefecture, with train services partially halted on JR Chuo Line during summer holidays when people went back to their hometowns.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(mxtomi, 22 November 10

 

On August 12, a body of cold air moved into the sky over Yamanashi Prefecture, making the atmosphere unstable. Consequently, local downpours accompanied with thunder started here and there in the early afternoon. The Kofu Local Meteorological Observatory said it began to rain in various parts of the prefecture after 1:00 in the afternoon and the rainfall of 48.5 millimeters per hour was recorded at the Lake Kawaguchi. The torrential thunderstorm caused serious disruption in the public transport including temporary suspension of the JR Chuo line which was filled with people returning to their hometowns during the Bon period.

 

添削

 

On August 12, a body of cold air moved into the sky over Yamanashi Prefecture, making the atmosphere unstable. Consequently, local downpours accompanied with thunder started here and there in the early afternoon. The Kofu Local Meteorological Observatory said it began to rain in various parts of the prefecture after 1:00 in the afternoon and the rainfall of 48.5 millimeters per hour was recorded at the Lake Kawaguchi. The torrential thunderstorm caused serious disruption in the public transport including temporary suspension of the JR Chuo line which was filled with people returning to their hometowns during the Bon period.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。情報がよく整理されています。添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 2(岩ちゃん、10 April 08

 

Because a cold air mass flowed into the sky in Yamanashi Prefecture on August 12, the state of the atmosphere became unstable and it heavily rained locally accompanied with thunder in the early afternoon. According to Kofu Local Meteorological Observatory, it began to rain in each place after 1:00 am and Lake Kawaguchi had the rainfall of 48.5 millimeters per hour. A thunderstorm influenced transportation facilities greatly.

 

添削

 

Because a cold air mass flowed into the sky in Yamanashi Prefecture on August 12, the state of the atmosphere became unstable and it heavily rained locally accompanied with thunder in the early afternoon. According to the Kofu Local Meteorological Observatory, it began to rain in each place in the prefecture after 1:00 am and Lake Kawaguchi had the rainfall of 48.5 millimeters per hour. A The thunderstorm influenced significantly disturbed transportation facilities greatly. For example, the JR Chuo Line, which was busy carrying people going back to their home during the Bon holidays, cancelled some regular trains.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかりますが、日本文の最期の部分が英文で欠けています。

 

添削後の文章

 

Because a cold air mass flowed into Yamanashi Prefecture on August 12, the state of the atmosphere became unstable and it heavily rained locally accompanied with thunder in the early afternoon. According to the Kofu Local Meteorological Observatory, it began to rain in the prefecture after 1:00 am and Lake Kawaguchi had the rainfall of 48.5 millimeters per hour. The thunderstorm significantly disturbed transport. For example, the JR Chuo Line, which was busy carrying people going back to their home during the Bon holidays, cancelled some regular trains.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(さくら、10 October 06

 

On August 12, trenchant rain with thunder started to fall in some areas in Yamanashi Prefecture after noon because the air condition became unstable duo to the flow of cold air into the upper sky. According to the Kofu branch of metrological agency, the rain started to fall around 1 p.m. and the precipitation at the Kawaguchi Lake recorded 48.5 millimeters per hour. JR Chuou Line was crowded with homecoming people, but a part of the line stopped for a while. Other transportation was also affected.

 

添削

 

In the afternoon of On August 12, trenchant rain with thunders started to fall in some areas in Yamanashi Prefecture after noon because the air condition became unstable as duo to the flow of a cold air current moved in at into the an upper level1 sky. According to the Kofu District Meteorological Observatory branch of metrological agency, the rain started to fall around 1 p.m. and the precipitation at the Kawaguchi Lake recorded 48.5 millimeters per hour. The fierce thunderstorm disturbed traffic2 and JR Chuou Line was crowded with homecoming people, but a part of the line stopped its trains for a while which held up people going home after the mid-summer holidays3. Other transportation was also affected.

 

コメント

 

1.       名詞句よりも従属節で説明したほうが読みやすいでしょう。

 

2.       「交通機関に大きな影響が出た。」をここに入れてJRのことをその例としてこの後ろに入れたほうが文章の流れがよくなります。

 

3.       情報の重要性を考えると、JRが運転を見合わせた、という情報を先に書き、帰省客のことは補足説明にしたほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

In the afternoon of August 12, trenchant rain with thunders started to fall in some areas in Yamanashi Prefecture because the air condition became unstable as a cold air current moved in at an upper level. According to the Kofu District Meteorological Observatory, the rain started to fall around 1 p.m. and the precipitation at the Kawaguchi Lake recorded 48.5 millimeters per hour. The fierce thunderstorm disturbed traffic and JR Chuou Line stopped its trains for a while which held up people going home after the mid-summer holidays.

 

 

初級練習問題 346

 

東京の保険会社が海外旅行保険に新しいサービスを導入した。加入者が旅先でトラブルにあった時、決められた番号に電話すれば東京のオペレーターが日本語で対応する。年中無休の24時間体制だ。現地で医師の診察を受けたり警察官に処置を求めたりする際にも手助けしてくれる。自分の携帯電話でオペレーターに電話して状況を話した後、携帯電話を医師や警察官に手渡せばオペレーターが説明してくれる。18か国語に対応し、原則、通話料は無料だ。

 

読者からの投稿 6(Lucca, 19 August 13

 

An insurance company in Tokyo has introduced a new service into its traveler's insurance to assist customers traveling overseas. The company's phone operators in Tokyo respond in Japanese 24 hours a day, 365 days a year when customers have difficulty explaining their troubles in a foreign language. When a person subscribed to its traveler's insurance needs to go to hospital or police station while traveling, the person calls a designated phone number of this service by his/her own cellular phone and explains what happened in Japanese to an operator. On behalf of the person in trouble, the operator explains the problems to a local doctor or police in a local language through the cellular phone. The service is available in 18 languages and free of charge in principle.

 

添削

 

An insurance company in Tokyo has introduced a new service into its traveler's insurance to assist customers traveling overseas. The company's phone operators in Tokyo respond in Japanese 24 hours a day, 365 days a year when customers have difficulty explaining their troubles in a foreign language while traveling abroad. When a person subscribed to its traveler's insurance needs to go to hospital or police station while traveling, the person can calls a designated phone number of this service by from his/her own cellular phone and explains what has happened in Japanese to the an operator. On behalf of the person in trouble, the operator explains the problems to a local doctor or police in a local language through the cellular phone. The service is available in 18 languages and free of any extra charge in principle.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

An insurance company in Tokyo has introduced a new service into its traveler's insurance to assist customers traveling overseas. The company's phone operators in Tokyo respond in Japanese 24 hours a day, 365 days a year when customers have difficulty explaining their troubles in a foreign language while traveling abroad. When a person subscribed to its traveler's insurance needs to go to hospital or police while traveling, the person can call a designated phone number of this service from his/her own cellular phone and explains what has happened in Japanese to the operator. On behalf of the person in trouble, the operator explains the problems to a local doctor or police in a local language through the cellular phone. The service is available in 18 languages and free of any extra charge in principle.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Kalo,19 June 12

 

An insurance company in Tokyo has started a new service that provides assistance to subscribers when they face the problem of language overseas. By calling at a designated number, subscribers can ask an operator of the company in Tokyo to tell local people in their language about what is happening around them. Through cell phones, subscribers can receive this assistance 24 hours 7 days a week in such cases as when they see a doctor or when they describe their situation to police officers. The service is available in 18 languages, in principle with a toll-free call. 

 

添削

 

An insurance company in Tokyo has started a new service that provides assistance to subscribers when they face the a problem of language overseas. By calling at a designated telephone number, a subscribers1 can ask an operator of the company in Tokyo to tell the local person he or she is talking people in their local language about what is happening around him or her them. Through a cell phones, a subscribers can receive this assistance for 24 hours 7 days a week in such cases as where when he or she they sees a doctor or when they describes his or her their situation to the police officers. The service is available in 18 languages, in principle with over a toll-free call. 

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。たくさんの情報がよく整理されています。

 

1.       単数形のほうが、he or sheの面倒はありますが、内容がわかりやすくなるとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

An insurance company in Tokyo has started a new service that provides assistance to subscribers when they face a problem of language overseas. By calling a designated telephone number, a subscriber can ask an operator of the company in Tokyo to tell the local person he or she is talking in the local language about what is happening around him or her. Through a cell phone, a subscriber can receive this assistance for 24 hours 7 days a week in such cases where he or she sees a doctor or describes his or her situation to the police. The service is available in 18 languages over a toll-free call. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 26 November 10

 

An insurance firm based in Tokyo introduced a new service in its traveler’s insurance. The new service provides its customers with a consultation in Japanese by the firm’s operators in Tokyo by only calling a designated number when they are in trouble abroad. The service is available 24/7. You can use it when you locally consult a doctor or contact a police officer. First, you call a Tokyo operator with your cell-phone and explain to him or her what’s going on, then hand the cell-phone to a doctor or an officer. The operator, on your behalf, will give them an adequate explanation in the local language to let them understand your situation. The service is offered in 18 languages and the toll is basically borne by the insurance firm.

 

添削

 

An Tokyo insurance firm based in Tokyo introduced a new service into its traveler’s insurance. The new service provides its customers with a consultation in Japanese by a the firm’s operators in Tokyo. A traveler calls by only calling a designated number from his/er cellular phone when he/she is they are in trouble abroad. The service is available for 24 hours everyday/7. The traveler1 You can use it when he/she wants to you locally consult a local doctor or talk to contact a local police officer. First, the traveler you calls a Tokyo operator from her/his with your cell-phone and explains to the operator him or her what’s going on, then hands the cell-phone over to a doctor or an officer. The operator, on your behalf, will explain the situation give them an adequate explanation in the local language to the doctor or the policeman to let them understand your situation. The service is offered in 18 languages and the telephone toll is basically borne by the insurance firm.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       主語をa travelerとして統一すると、旅行者向けもサービスということがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

A Tokyo insurance firm introduced a new service into its traveler’s insurance. The new service provides its customers with a consultation in Japanese by a firm’s operator in Tokyo. A traveler calls a designated number from his/her cellular phone when he/she is in trouble abroad. The service is available for 24 hours everyday. The traveler can use it when he/she wants to consult a local doctor or talk to a local police officer. First, the traveler calls a Tokyo operator from her/his cell-phone and explains to the operator what’s going on, then hands the cell-phone over to a doctor or an officer. The operator, on your behalf, will explain the situation  in the local language to the doctor or the policeman. The service is offered in 18 languages and the telephone toll is basically borne by the insurance firm.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、12 April 08

 

An insurance company in Tokyo introduced a new service to overseas travel insurance. When subscribers to the insurance have troubles in foreign countries and if they dial the predetermined  numbers, operators in Tokyo correspond to them in Japanese. Operators are standing by 24/7. Operators help them when they are examined by a doctor and ask a policeman for their demand at the spot. After they call an operator with their mobile phone and tell her their situation, she explains their situation in a foreign language when they hand in their mobile phone to a doctor and a policeman. Operators can speak 18 foreign languages and their call charge is free in principle.

 

添削

 

An insurance company in Tokyo has introduced a new service to its overseas travel insurance. When a subscribers to the insurance has have troubles in a foreign countriesy, and if he they can dial the a predetermined telephone numbers, and an operators in Tokyo can answer his questions correspond to them in Japanese. Such Ooperators are standing by 24/7. and can Operators help them the subscribers when they are examined by a doctor and or ask a policeman for their demand at the spot help. After they an subscriber calls an operator with from his their mobile phone and tells her the operator about his their situation, the she operator explains their the subscriber’s situation problem to a doctor or a policeman in a the foreign language where the subscriber is located when they hand in their mobile phone to a doctor and a policeman1. There are Ooperators who can speak 18 foreign languages and their the subscribers can call them free of telephone charges is free in principle.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、加入者とオペレーターの区別がよくわかるようにするとよいでしょう。

 

1.       ここはこのサービスの一例として、一人の加入者とそれに対応するオペレーターという形式で記述するよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

An insurance company in Tokyo has introduced a new service to its overseas travel insurance. When a subscriber to the insurance have troubles in foreign countries, he can dial a predetermined telephone number and an operator in Tokyo can answer their questions in Japanese. Such operators are standing by 24/7 and can help the subscriber when they are examined by a doctor or ask a policeman for help. After an subscriber calls an operator from his mobile phone and tells the operator about his situation, the operator explains the subscriber’s problem to a doctor or a policeman in the foreign language where the subscriber is located. There are operators who can altogether speak 18 foreign languages and the subscribers can call them free of telephone charges in principle.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、14 October 06

 

An insurance company in Tokyo introduced a new service for oversea travel insurance. If the insurer gets in trouble during traveling abroad, he has only to call a certain number to contact the operator in Tokyo who speaks Japanese. The service is available 24 hours 7 days a week. You can get assistance when you see a local doctor or seek some measures for the local police. What you have to do is just hand over your cellular phone to the doctor or the police officer after you explain the situation to the operator. The operator will talk with the doctor or the police officer and deals with the situation. The service can be available in 18 different languages and the communication charge is in principle free.

 

添削

 

An insurance company in Tokyo introduced a new service for its oversea travel insurance. If a person who buys this service1 the insurer gets in trouble during traveling abroad, he has only to call a certain number to contact the operator of the insurance company2 in Tokyo who speaks Japanese. The service is available 24 hours 7 days a week. You He3 can get assistance when you he needs to see a local doctor or seek some measures help from for the local police. What you he has have to do is just to hand over your his cellular phone to the doctor or the police officer after you he explains the situation to the operator. The operator will talk with the doctor or the police officer and deals with the situation. The service can be available in 18 different languages and the communication charge is in principle free.

 

コメント

 

1.       employeremployeeが対になるようにinsurer(保険を売る会社)とinsuree(保険を買う人)が対になると思って辞書を引きましたが、まだinsureeという言葉は載っていませんでしたので、a person who buys this serviceとしました。

 

2.       この補足説明を入れておくとよいでしょう。

 

3.       すでにheを使っているので、文章全体をheで通したほうが統一が取れていて読みやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

An insurance company in Tokyo introduced a new service for its oversea travel insurance. If a person who buys this service gets in trouble during traveling abroad, he has only to call a certain number to contact the operator of the insurance company in Tokyo who speaks Japanese. The service is available 24 hours 7 days a week. He can get assistance when he needs to see a local doctor or seek some help from the local police. What he has to do is just to hand over his cellular phone to the doctor or the police officer after he explains the situation to the operator. The operator will talk with the doctor or the police officer and deals with the situation. The service can be available in 18 different languages and the communication charge is in principle free.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Keicoco, 19 September 06

 

An insurance company in Tokyo has recently introduced a new service on their overseas traveler’s insurance. It is an interpretation service on cellular phones for the overseas travelers who sighed up the insurance with the service. When the travelers get into trouble during their trips abroad, they can call the service center in Tokyo and receive support from telephone operators who speak Japanese and other languages. The travelers also can be assisted in solving their problems from the operators when they take medical advice or ask the police to deal with their problems. First the travelers tell the operators what happened with them on their cellular phones, next they hand their cellular phones to the physicians or the policemen, then the operators explain what the travelers want to do or what they want to say to them on behalf of the travelers. The service is available in 18 languages on 24 hours a day, every day of the year. The charges of access to the service center are free.

 

添削

 

An insurance company in Tokyo has recently introduced a new service on to their overseas traveler’s insurance. It is an interpretation service on the1 cellular phones for the an overseas travelers2 who signshed3 up the insurance with the service. When the travelers gets into trouble during their his trips abroad, they he can call the service center in Tokyo4 and receive support from a telephone operators who speaks Japanese and other languages. The travelers also can be assisted in solving their his  problems from by the operators when they he take needs medical advice or asks the police to deal with their his problems. First the travelers tells the operators what happened with them him on their his cellular phones, next they he hands over their his cellular phones to the physicians or the policemean, then the operators explains what the travelers wants to do or what they he wants to say to them on behalf of the travelers. The service is available 24 hours a day in 18 languages5 on 24 hours a day, every day of the year. The charges of access to the service center are freeThe telephone bill is, in principle, paid by the insurance company6.

 

コメント

 

1.       on the phone 電話で、は副詞句で、We take breakfast in the kitchen. のように定冠詞が付きます。

 

2.       文章全体を通してtravelersと複数を使っているので、それと対応した単語も複数になっていますが、海外旅行者の代表としてa travelerと単数にしたほうが文章がすっきりします。複数のままだと、文章後半では複数の海外旅行者が同時に災難にあって電話をするという印象にも取れます。

 

3.       a traveler who signs up the insurance with the serviceとすると、海外旅行保険には、このサービス付きのものと、サービスの付いていないものがあって、サービスつきの保険を契約した人は、という意味にとれます。もし、海外旅行保険が一つのパッケージになっていて、この保険を契約する人すべてが、このサービスを利用できるなら、an insurance holderと簡単に表現できます。

 

4.       保険会社はこのサービス用の電話センターを設けているでしょうね。世界のどこからでも同一の電話番号をかければこのサービスが受けられることを強調するならば、An insurance holder can call a special telephone number from anywhere in the world and ask an operator in Tokyo for help in Japanese. と表現できます。

 

5.       「年中無休の24時間体制だ。」をここに入れたほうがわかりやすいですね。「(このサービスは)年中無休の24時間体制で、18か国語に対応し、原則、通話料は無料だ。」となります。主語と動詞をThe service is available ~と表現したのがよいですね。通話料は無料だ、の部分は主語を通話料に変えて、The telephone bill is, in principle, paid by the insurance company.とするとよいでしょう。「無料だ。」という表現は曲者です。誰かが電話料金を払っているわけですから。文章全体の構成が良いので内容がわかりやすいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

An insurance company in Tokyo has recently introduced a new service to their overseas traveler’s insurance. It is an interpretation service on the cellular phone for an overseas traveler who signs up the insurance with the service. When the traveler gets into trouble during his trip abroad, he can call the service center in Tokyo and receive support from a telephone operator who speaks Japanese and other languages. The travelers also can be assisted in solving his problem by the operator when he needs medical advice or asks the police to deal with his problem. First the traveler tells the operator what happened with him on his cellular phone, next he hands over his cellular phone to the physician or the policeman, then the operator explains what the traveler wants to do or what he wants to say on behalf of the traveler. The service is available 24 hours a day in 18 languages. The telephone bill is, in principle, paid by the insurance company.

 

 

初級練習問題 347

 

米国で誕生した動画投稿サイト「You Tube(ユーチューブ)」の人気をきっかけに、NTTなど国内勢にも同様のサイトを始める動きが出ている。ただ、ユーチューブの動画は、利用者が録画したテレビ番組をテレビ局などに無断で投稿したものも多く、著作権法上の問題を抱えている。国内の動画投稿サイトは著作権に触れない運用を目指しているが、違法動画を完全に排除するのは難しい。

 

読者からの投稿 6(Lucca, 23 September 13

 

Inspired by the great popularity of American-born "You Tube", Japanese companies including NTT have been considering to establish similar video posting sites. However, "You Tube" faces the issues of copyright laws because many posted videos are unauthorized copies. New video posting sites in Japan aim not to violate copyright laws, but it is so difficult for them to exclude all unauthorized videos.

 

添削

 

Inspired by the great popularity of American-born "You Tube", Japanese companies including NTT have been considering to establish similar video posting sites. However, "You Tube" faces the issues of copyright laws because many posted videos are unauthorized copies. New video posting sites in Japan aim not to violate copyright laws, but it is so difficult for them to exclude all unauthorized videos.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 5(Kalo, 8 June 13

 

Prompted by the popularity of You Tube, a U.S. video-sharing website, Japanese companies, including NTT, are launching a similar website. You Tube is, however, facing the issue of copyright as many of its videos include TV programs that are uploaded without permission from broadcasters. Although video-sharing service companies in Japan are tying to be consistent with copyright law, it is actually hard to eliminate illegally uploaded videos.

 

添削

 

Prompted by the popularity of You Tube, a U.S. video-sharing website, Japanese companies, including NTT, are launching a similar website. You Tube is, however, facing the issue of copyright as many of its videos include TV programs that are uploaded without permission from broadcasters. Although video-sharing service companies in Japan are tying to follow be consistent with the copyright law, it is actually hard to eliminate all illegally uploaded videos.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Prompted by the popularity of YouTube, a U.S. video-sharing website, Japanese companies, including NTT, are launching a similar website. YouTube is, however, facing the issue of copyright as many of its videos include TV programs that are uploaded without permission from broadcasters. Although video-sharing service companies in Japan are tying to follow  the copyright law, it is actually hard to eliminate all illegally uploaded videos.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 27 November 10

 

The growing popularity of “YouTube”, a US-born user-posted video site, has apparently inspired some Japanese companies including NTT to follow suit. The YouTube videos have problems with respect to the copyright law as they include quite a few TV programs recorded and posted by YouTubers without obtaining TV stations’ permits. Japanese video sites envision their website operations fully compliant with the copyright law, yet entire elimination of illegal videos from their sites would be very difficult.

 

添削

 

The growing popularity of “YouTube”, a US-born user-posted video site, has apparently inspired some Japanese companies including NTT to follow suit. The Video clips on YouTube videos raise have problems with respect to the copyright law as they include quite a few TV programs recorded and posted by YouTubers users without obtaining TV stations’ permits. Japanese video sites envision their website operations fully compliant with the copyright law, yet entirely eliminationng of illegal videos from their sites will1 would be very difficult.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       実際に難しいでしょうからwillがよいです。

 

添削後の文章

 

The growing popularity of “YouTube”, a US-born user-posted video site, has apparently inspired some Japanese companies including NTT to follow suit. Video clips on YouTube raise problems with respect to the copyright law as they include quite a few TV programs recorded and posted by YouTube users without obtaining TV stations’ permits. Japanese video sites envision their website operations fully compliant with the copyright law, yet entirely eliminating illegal videos from their sites will be very difficult.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、13 April 08

 

A video sight, YouTube born in America is popular among Japanese young people. Domestic providers such as NTT are creating the similar site. But motion pictures on YouTube have the problem that violates copyright laws because users post TV programs without TV stations' permission on a video site in many cases. Domestic providers are aimed at managing their video site so that they do not violate copyright laws. But it is difficult to perfectly reject motion pictures against copyright laws.

 

添削

 

An Internet video site sight, YouTube, was born in the Untied States America and has become is popular among Japanese young people as well1. Domestic Internet providers such as NTT are also creating the similar sites. But motion pictures on YouTube have the problem that they1 violates copyright laws because users post TV programs without TV stations' permission on a video site in many cases. Domestic providers are aimed at managing their video sites so that they do not violate copyright laws. But it is difficult to perfectly reject the3 motion pictures that violate against copyright laws.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       添削のように二つの文をつなげたほうがよみやすくなります。

 

2.       that節全体がthe problemなので、添削のようにします。

 

3.       自作の動画のようにコピーライトが問題にならないものもあるので、ここでは定冠詞を付けます。

 

添削後の文章

 

An Internet video site, YouTube, was born in the Untied States and has become popular among Japanese young people as well. Domestic Internet providers such as NTT are also creating similar sites. But motion pictures on YouTube have the problem that they violate copyright laws because users post TV programs without TV stations' permission on a video site in many cases. Domestic providers are aimed at managing their video sites so that they do not violate copyright laws. But it is difficult to perfectly reject the motion pictures that violate  copyright laws.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、15 October 06

 

Triggered by a popular American website “You Tube” where people send and post moving image, some Japanese companies such as NTT Docomo plan to start opening similar websites. However, “You Tube” has a potential problem of violating the copyright laws because most of the “You Tube” s moving images are copied and posted from the TV programs by the posters without any permission to use them in public. Those Japanese companies are planning to operate their websites without violating the copyright laws, but It is difficult to completely eliminate those illegal images.

 

添削

 

Triggered by a popular American website1 “You Tube” where people send and post moving movies2 image, some Japanese companies such as NTT Docomo plan to start opening similar websites. However, “You Tube” has a potential problem of violating the copyright laws because most of the “You Tube” s movies moving images are copied and posted from the TV programs by the posters without any the permission of the TV companies to use them in public.3 Those Japanese companies are planning to operate their websites without violating the copyright laws, but It is difficult to completely eliminate those illegal imagesmovies from their websites.

 

コメント

 

1.       さくらさんは米国で誕生した動画投稿サイトYou Tube(ユーチューブ)の人気をきっかけに」を「米国の人気ウェブサイトYou Tubeの人気に触発されて」と言い直し、また「動画投稿サイト」の説明を入れていますね。日本文では「米国で誕生した動画投稿サイトYou Tube(ユーチューブ)の」までが人気の修飾節になっていますが、このように言い換えたことによって英文表現がやさしくなっています。

 

2.       単にmoviesでよいでしょう。

 

3.       are copied and postedとあるのでto use them in publicはいらないでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Triggered by a popular American website “You Tube” where people send and post movies, some Japanese companies such as NTT Docomo plan to start opening similar websites. However, “You Tube” has a potential problem of violating the copyright laws because most of “You Tube” s movies are copied and posted from TV programs without the permission of the TV companies. Those Japanese companies are planning to operate their websites without violating the copyright laws, but It is difficult to completely eliminate those illegal movies from their websites.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Keicoco, 22 September 06

 

A personal video sharing website “You Tube” was born in the United States and became popular worldwide. However, You Tube has copyright problems partly because it includes a lot of illegally copied TV videos that are copied and brought into it by some users without the TV stations’ permission.

 

Inspired by the success of You Tube, Japanese companies such as N.T.T.(Nippon Telegraph and Telephone Corporation) are also starting that kind of website. They are trying to keep their personal video sharing websites from infringing the copyright law. However, it is difficult for them to prevent their users from bringing illegally copied videos into their websites completely.

 

添削

 

A personal video sharing website “You Tube” was born in the United States and became popular worldwide1. However, You Tube has copyright problems partly2 because it includes a lot of illegally copied TV videos that are copied and posted at the site brought into it by some users without the TV stations’ permission of the TV stations.

 

Inspired by the success of You Tube, Japanese companies such as N.T.T.3(Nippon Telegraph and Telephone Corporation) are also starting a similar that kind of website4. They are trying to keep their personal video sharing websites from infringing the copyright law. However, it is difficult for them to completely prevent their users from bringing illegally copied videos into their websites completely5.

 

コメント

 

1.       Keicocoさんは「米国で誕生した動画投稿サイト「You Tube(ユーチューブ)」の人気をきっかけに、NTTなど国内勢にも同様のサイトを始める動きが出ている。」の後半部分を新しい段落にして、日本文の内容を整理していますね。YouTubeと日本の動きを段落で分けたことで内容がわかりやすくなっています。(日本文にはYou Tubeと分けて書かれていますがYouTubeが正式名です。)

 

2.       partly because ~ 「一つには〜の理由で」ですからか、他の理由は何かな、という疑問がでます。partly because A and partly because Bというように一対で使うのが一般的です。

 

3.       会社や組織の固有名詞の省略形は頭文字をピリオドで区切るのが本来の表現法ですが、省略形が広く通用している場合はピリオドも省略することが多いです。

 

4.       「同様のサイトを始める動きが出ている」という表現は日本の新聞記事に多い常套句ですね。there are signs that ~という表現がありますが、日本文の内容に沿ってKeicocoさんのようにJapanese companies are starting ~としたほうがわかりやすいですね。「〜の動きに注目している」という常套句もありますね。pay attention to the movement of ~というような表現がでている和英辞書もありますが、closely watch ~というような簡単な表現もできます。日本文でも英文でも常套句は思考の節約に使うものなので多用は好ましくありません。

 

5.       prevent ~ completelyと副詞句は動詞の後ろに置く、というのが私の習った文法ですが、現在ではcompletely prevent ~と動詞の前において関連をはっきりする表現が増えています。

 

添削後の文章

 

A personal video sharing website “YouTube” was born in the United States and became popular worldwide. However, YouTube has copyright problems because it includes a lot of illegally copied TV videos that are copied and posted at the site by some users without the  permission of the TV stations.

 

Inspired by the success of YouTube, Japanese companies such as NTT (Nippon Telegraph and Telephone Corporation) are also starting a similar kind of website. They are trying to keep their personal video sharing websites from infringing the copyright law. However, it is difficult for them to completely prevent their users from bringing illegally copied videos into their websites.

 

 

初級練習問題 348

 

先日、3年間付き合っている彼からプロポーズを受けましたが、返事は保留にしています。というのは、彼の収入が私よりも少なく今後の生活の不安を思うと踏み出せません。彼は30歳の長男で収入手取り13〜15万(時給のため月ごとに変動)の工場勤務の派遣社員です。私は26歳、手取り16万円のPC関連会社のOLで一人っ子です。

 

彼はとても優しい人で料理は苦手だけどそれ以外の家事は全部してくれると言っています。また、私が一人っ子のため、将来は私の親と同居しても良いと言ってくれています。出世欲などは無いですが誠実な人です。このままプロポーズを受けて大丈夫でしょうか。辛口でも構いませんのでご意見をお願いします。

 

読者からの投稿 7(Lucca, 23 September 13

 

I have been with my boyfriend for three years. He has asked me to marry him the other day, but I haven't yet given him my answer. I am worrying about our income gaps. My boyfriend, 30 years old, is the oldest son in his family and working as a temporary worker at a factory. His salary is from 130.000 to 150.000yen per month, but his income varies each month because he is paid on hourly basis. I, 26 years old, am the only child in my family and working as an office worker at a company related to PCs. My salary after tax amounts to 160.000yen per month. Thinking of our married life in the future, I am hesitant to marry him. 

 

My boyfriend is very kind and promises me to do all housework except cooking that he doesn't like. He also said that he would be ready to live with my parents because I am the only child. He doesn't hope to get successful in life, but I am sure he is truthful. Had I better accept his marriage proposal? Please give me advice as to what to do. Any and all thoughts are appreciated.

 

添削

 

I have been going out1 with my boyfriend for the last three years. The other day, Hhe has asked me to marry him the other day, but I haven't yet given him my answer yet. I am worrying about our income gaps. My boyfriend, 30 years old, is the oldest son in his family and working as a temporary worker at a factory. His salary is between from 130.000 and to 150.000 yen per month, but his income and varies from each month to month depending on how many hours he works because he is paid on the hourly basis. I, am 26 years old, am and the only child in my family2. I am and working as an office worker at a company related to PCs. My salary after taxes amounts to 160.000 yen per month. Worrying about if we get enough Thinking of our income for our living after we get married life in the future, I am hesitant to marry him. 

 

My boyfriend is very kind and promises me to do all housework except cooking that he doesn't is not good at like. He also said that he would be ready to live with my parents because I am the only child. He is not so ambitions doesn't hope to become get successful in his life, but I am sure he is truthful. Should I Had I better accept his marriage proposal? Please give me any advice as to what to do. Any and all thoughts are appreciated.

 

コメント

 

内用のすべてがわかります。添削は内容を補足して、口語体の文章を読みやすくしました。

 

「ボーイフレンドとつきあっている」going out with my boy friend という慣用句があります。

 

前のボーイフレンドの説明と同じ形にするとよいでしょう。

「出世欲は無いけれど」は多分この程度のことではないでしょうか。

 

添削後の文章

 

I have been going out with my boyfriend for the last three years. The other day, he asked me to marry him, but I haven't given him my answer yet. I am worrying about our income gap. My boyfriend, 30 years old, is the oldest son in his family and working as a temporary worker at a factory. His salary is between 130.000 and 150.000 yen per month and varies from month to month depending on how many hours he works because he is paid on the hourly basis. I am 26 years old and the only child in my family. I am working as an office worker at a company related to PCs. My salary after taxes amounts to 160.000 yen per month. Worrying about if we get enough income for our living after we get married, I am hesitant to marry him.  

 

My boyfriend is very kind and promises me to do all housework except cooking that he is not good at. He also said that he would be ready to live with my parents because I am the only child. He is not so ambitions to become successful in his life, but I am sure he is truthful. Should I accept his marriage proposal? Please give me any advice .

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(Kalo, 9 June 13

 

I’m thinking about whether to accept a marriage proposal from my boyfriend I’ve been seeing for three years. What makes me worry about our marriage life is his income, which is lower than mine. A 30-year-old eldest son, he is an irregular worker for a factory, earning 130,000 to 150,000 yen a month after tax, which is not fixed because that salary is based on an hourly basis. I’m a 26-year-old, only child. I work for a computer-related company and earn 160,000 yen a month after tax. 

 

He is so sweet. He tells me that he will do all housework except cooking he is not good at. He also says it’s all right to live with my parents in the future, as he understands that I will have to take care of them because I’m the only child. He does not seem to have a strong desire to get promoted but he is sincere. Do you think I should accept his marriage proposal? I’d appreciate your frank opinions.

 

添削

 

I’m thinking pondering about whether or not to accept a marriage proposal from my boyfriend with whom I’ve been going out1 seeing for three years. What makes me worry about our marriage married life is his income, which is lower than mine. He is2 Aa 30-year-old eldest son, and he is an irregular worker for a factory, earning 130,000 to 150,000 yen a month after tax, which is not fixed because his that salary is based on hours he works an hourly basis. I’m a 26-year-old and, only one child of my parents. I work for a computer-related company and earn 160,000 yen a month after tax. 

 

He is so sweet. He tells me that he will do all housework except cooking which he is not good at. He also says that it will be it’s all right for him to live with my parents in the future, as he understands that I will have to take care of them because I’m the only child. He does not seem to have a strong desire to get promoted but he is a sincere person3. Do you think I should accept his marriage proposal? I’d appreciate your frank opinions.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       「彼とつきあっている。」I am going out with him. という言い方が一般的です。

 

2.       Being a 30-year-old eldest son, he is an irregular worker.とすると前半が何らかの形で後半と因果関係があると思われます。「彼はもう30才にもなった長男なのに契約社員だ。」昨今の就職事情を考えると、彼の例は特に珍しくもないので、添削のように30才長男と契約社員を因果関係なしに並列に叙述するとよいでしょう。

 

3.       投稿のままですと、「出世に興味が無いことは彼の誠実な考えである。」というようにも読めます。添削のように二つの事柄を並列にならべるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

I’m pondering whether or not to accept a marriage proposal from my boyfriend with whom I’ve been going out for three years. What makes me worry about our married life is his income, which is lower than mine. He is a 30-year-old eldest son and an irregular worker for a factory earning 130,000 to 150,000 yen a month after tax, which is not fixed because his salary is based on hours he works. I’m a 26-year-old and only one child of my parents. I work for a computer-related company and earn 160,000 yen a month after tax. 

 

He is so sweet. He tells me that he will do all housework except cooking which he is not good at. He also says that it will be all right for him to live with my parents in the future, as he understands that I will have to take care of them because I’m the only child. He does not seem to have a strong desire to get promoted but he is a sincere person. Do you think I should accept his marriage proposal? I’d appreciate your frank opinion.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(OKEN, 11 August 12

 

The other day, my boy friend whom I have kept company with for three years proposed me, but I have not given him a reply yet. This is because his income is less than mine and so I can not say “Yes” for anxiety in later life. He is thirty years old and the eldest son. His actual monthly income is from 130 to 150 thousand yen (uncertain due to hourly pay), and he is a temporary worker in factories. I am twenty six years old, and my actual monthly income is 160 thousand yen. I work for a PC-related company, and I am an only child. He is such a generous person that he promises me that he would do all the chores except for cooking. He is not good at cooking. He also says that he can accept living with my parents since I am an only child. He is a sincere person without any appetite for promotion. Is there no problem, if I accept his propose? I would not mind whatever you say and so give me a frank advice.

 

添削

 

The other day, my boy friend whom I have kept company with for the last three years proposed me, but I have not given him my a reply yet. This is because his income is less than mine and so I can not say “Yes” for my anxiety about our life together in the future in later life. He is thirty years old and the eldest son. He is a temporary worker at a factory and his His actual monthly income after taxes is from between 130 to 150 thousand yen (depending on his uncertain due to hourly pay)., and he is a temporary worker in factories. I am twenty six years old and I am the only child in my family., I work for a PC-related company and my actual monthly income after taxes is 160 thousand yen. I work for a PC-related company, and I am an only child. He is such a generous person that he promises me that he will would do all the chores at home except for cooking. He is not good at cooking. He also says that he can accept living with my parents since I am the an only child. He is a sincere person without any strong desire1 appetite for promotion. Will I face any major2 Is there no problems, if I accept his propose? I do would not mind hearing whatever you say. and sSo please give me your a frank advice.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかりますが、添削のように文の順序を変えた方がわかりやすくなります。

 

1.       個人的な感想ですが、この男性ももっと安定した仕事が見つかればそちらに行くでしょうからwithout any strong desireにしました。

 

2.       これも個人的な感想ですが、問題はどこでも生じるものですから、Will I face any major problems?のほうが妥当でしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The other day, my boy friend whom I have kept company with for the last three years proposed me, but I have not given him my reply yet. This is because his income is less than mine and so I can not say “Yes” for my anxiety about our life together in the future. He is thirty years old and the eldest son. He is a temporary worker at a factory and his monthly income after taxes is between 130 to 150 thousand yen (depending on his hourly pay). I am twenty six years old and I am the only child in my family. I work for a PC-related company and my monthly income after taxes is 160 thousand yen. He is such a generous person that he promises me that he will do all chores at home except cooking. He is not good at cooking. He also says that he can accept living with my parents since I am the only child. He is a sincere person without any strong desire for promotion. Will I face any major problems if I accept his propose? I do not mind hearing whatever you say. So please give me your frank advice.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 27 November 10

 

The other day I was asked by a boyfriend of 3 years to marry him but I reserved my answer.  With his income lower than mine, anxiety about our financial future keeps me from taking a step towards marriage. He is the eldest son and 30 years of age. He is a temporary worker dispatched to a factory with an after-tax income of 130 to 150 thousand yen a month (varies as he is paid on hours worked). I am the only child aged 26 and works for a company related to PC. My salary is 160 thousand yen a month after tax. He is very kindhearted and is saying that he is ready to do all the housework except cooking which he is no good at. He is also saying that he could live with my parents if I so desire in view of my being the only child. Although he has no strong ambition to succeed in his career, he is a sincere person I can really trust. Should I accept his proposal? Please let me hear your candid opinion.

 

添削

 

The other day I was proposed marriage asked by a my1 boyfriend of three 3 years to marry him but I reserved my answer.  With his income lower than mine, I am concerned with2 anxiety about our financial future and this keeps me from taking a step towards to marry him marriage. He is the eldest son and 30 years of age. He is a temporary worker dispatched to a factory with an after-tax income of 130 to 150 thousand yen a month (it varies as he is paid wages on the hours worked). I am the only child of our parents, aged 26 and works for a company related to PCs. My salary is 160 thousand yen a month after tax. My boyfriend He is very kindhearted and is saying that he is ready to do all the housework except cooking which he is no good at. He is also saying that he could live with my parents if I so desire because in view of my being I am the only child. Although he has no strong ambition to succeed in his career, he is a sincere person I can really trust. Should I accept his proposal? Please let me hear your candid opinion.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       a boyfriendはただのa friendより親しい関係の人ですから、my boyfriendとして、一人しかいない、という感じにした方がよいでしょう。a boyfriendとすると何人も親しいひとがいて、そのうちの一人が、という感じになります。今、ふとTwo boyfriends ago, I was just a high school student…という会話を耳にした、という話をおもいだしました。これもプレイン・イングリッシュですね。

 

2.       口語体の文章なので、ここも平明な表現がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The other day I was proposed marriage by my boyfriend of three years but I reserved my answer. With his income lower than mine, I am concerned with our financial future and this keeps me from taking a step towards to marry him . He is the eldest son and 30 years of age. He is a temporary worker dispatched to a factory with an after-tax income of 130 to 150 thousand yen a month (it varies as he is paid wages on the hours worked). I am the only child of our parents, aged 26 and work for a company related to PCs. My salary is 160 thousand yen a month after tax. My boyfriend is very kind and is saying that he is ready to do all the housework except cooking which he is no good at. He is also saying that he could live with my parents if I so desire because I am the only child. Although he has no strong ambition to succeed in his career, he is a sincere person I can really trust. Should I accept his proposal? Please let me hear your candid opinion.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、16 April 08

 

I have gone out with him for three years. He proposed to me the other day. I do not give him my answer yet because his income is less than my income. As I am worried about our future married life, I cannot decide to get married to him. He is an eldest son at the age of 30. He is a dispatched employee who works for a factory. His net income is between 130 and 150 thousand yen per month as his income changes due to the hourly wage. I am 26 years old and do not have any brothers or sisters. I work for a PC company as an office clerk. I earn 160 thousand yen net. He is very gentle. He told me that he will do all housework except cooking as he is not good at cooking. He also said that he wanted to live with my parents in the future as I am a single child. He doesn't have a desire to succeed but he is sincere. If I accept his proposal, shall I have troubles in the future? Even if you give me severe answers, I am not worried about it. Please give me your opinions.

 

添削

 

I have gone been going out with my boyfriend him for three years. He proposed to me the other day. But I have do not given him my answer yet, because his income is less than my income. and As I am worried about our future married life., I cannot decide to get married to him. He is 30 years old and an the eldest son at the age of 30. He is a dispatched employee who works for a factory. He is paid on an hourly basis and Hhis net fluctuates income is between 130 and 150 thousand yen per month as his income changes due to the hourly wage. I am 26 years old and do not have any brothers or sisters. I work for a PC company as an office clerk. I earn 160 thousand yen net. He is very gentle. He told tells1 me that he will do all housework except cooking as he is not good at cooking. He also says said that he wanteds to live with my parents in the future as I am a single child. He doesn't have any strong desire to succeed in life but he is a sincere person. If I accept his proposal, am I going to shall I have troubles in the future? Even if you give me severe answers, I am not worried about it. Please give me your frank2 opinions.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。添削は文と文のつながりをよくしました。

 

1.       現在でもこのようなことを話しているので現在形がよいでしょう。

 

2.       frank opinionsだけで「辛口な忠告」という意味が伝わります。

 

添削後の文章

 

I have been going out with my boyfriend for three years. He proposed to me the other day.  But I have not given him my answer yet, because his income is less than my income and I am worried about our future married life. He is 30 years old and the eldest son. He is a dispatched employee who works for a factory. He is paid on an hourly basis and his net fluctuates  between 130 and 150 thousand yen per month. I am 26 years old and do not have any brothers or sisters. I work for a PC company as an office clerk. I earn 160 thousand yen net. He is very gentle. He tells me that he will do all housework except cooking as he is not good at cooking. He also says that he wants to live with my parents in the future as I am a single child. He doesn't have any strong desire to succeed in life but he is a sincere person. If I accept his proposal, am I going to have troubles in the future? Please give me your frank opinions.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、17 October 06

 

The other day, I was asked to marry by my boyfriend whom I have got together for three year. But I’ve not replied yet. I feel anxiety about the life after we get married because his income is less than mine. He is 30 years old and the oldest son in his family. He works at a factory as a temporary employee. His income is 13-15 thousand yen per month (It is unstable because of  the part-time job). I’m 26 years old and an only child in my family. I work at an affiliated company of personal computer maker and earn 16 thousand yen per month. He is so gentle that he says he will do every house char except cooking if we get married. He is not good at cooking. He also agrees to live with my parents in the future because I’m an only child. He is not eager to seek career advancement, but he is a sincere person. Is it all right if I accept his marriage proposal? Would you give me some advice? I would like to hear candid opinions.

 

添削

 

The other day, I was asked to marry by my boyfriend1 whom I have got been going together for the last three years asked me to marry him. But I’ve not replied given him my answer2 yet. I feel anxiety concerned about the life after we get married because his income is less than mine. He is 30 years old and the oldest son in his family. He works at a factory as a temporary employee. His income is 13-15 thousand yen per month (Iit is unstable because of the part-time job). I’m 26 years old and an the only child in my family. I work at a an affiliated company of affiliated with a personal computer maker and earn 16 thousand yen per month. He is so gentle caring3 for me that he says he will do every house char chore except cooking (he is not good at cooking) if we get married. He is not good at cooking. He also agrees to live with my parents in the future because I’m an the only child. He is not eager to seek career advancement, but he is a sincere person. Is it all right if I accept his marriage proposal? Would you give me some advice? I would like to hear candid opinions.

 

コメント

 

1.       my boyfriendを主語にして能動態で表現したほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       asked me, gave him my answerと対応するとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

3.       「彼はとても優しい人」というのは女性が結婚相手に求める条件のトップですが、総括的な願望の表現なので、同様な英語表現が思いつきません。gentleは気持ちの穏かな、態度の優しい、なのでcaringよく気を付けてくれる、愛情深い、にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The other day, my boyfriend whom I have been going together for the last three years asked me to marry him. But I’ve not given him my answer yet. I feel concerned about the life after we get married because his income is less than mine. He is 30 years old and the oldest son in his family. He works at a factory as a temporary employee. His income is 13-15 thousand yen per month (it is unstable because of the part-time job). I’m 26 years old and the only child in my family. I work at a company affiliated with a personal computer maker and earn 16 thousand yen per month. He is so caring for me that he says he will do every house chore except cooking (he is not good at cooking) if we get married. He also agrees to live with my parents in the future because I’m the only child. He is not eager to seek career advancement, but he is a sincere person. Is it all right if I accept his marriage proposal? Would you give me some advice? I would like to hear candid opinions.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Keicoco, 23 September 06

 

I am 26 years old and an only child. I work for a computer company and am paid 160,000 yen on the take-home basis. My boyfriend is 30 and the oldest son. He works for hourly wages in a factory as a temporary employee. His take-home pay is between 130,000 and 150,000 yen a month. We have been dating for three years. He recently asked me to marry him, but I have suspended my answer. In fact, I hesitate to marry him because his salary is lower than mine, which might bring us financial problems.

 

He has no desire to succeed. However, he is a genuine person and so kind that he is willing to do all household chores for me, except cooking that he cannot do. He also agrees to live with my parents when they want to. Under his financial circumstances, however, is it all right with me to accept his proposal? Could you give me your candid advice?

 

添削

 

I am 26 years old and an the only child in my family. I work for a PC-related computer company and earn1 am paid 160,000 yen a month on the take-home basis. My boyfriend is 30 and the oldest son in his family. He works for hourly wages in a factory as a temporary employee dispatched from a personal agency. His take-home pay is between 130,000 and 150,000 yen a month (he is paid hourly wages and the monthly earnings vary from month to month). We have been dating for three years. He recently asked me to marry him, but I have not given him suspended my answer. In fact, I hesitate to marry him because his salary income2 is lower than mine, which might bring us financial problems in the future.

 

He is not an ambitious has no desire to succeed. However, he is but very caring3 a genuine person. and so kind that He says4 he is willing to do all household chores for me, except cooking that he is not good at cannot do. He also agrees to live with my parents in the future if when they want to. Under his financialt these5 circumstances, however, is it all right with for me to accept his proposal? Could you give me your candid advice?

 

コメント

 

1.       I am paid 160,000 yen a month.I earn 160,000 yen a month.は内容は同じですが、英文では後者の表現が一般的です。受動的ではなく能動的に物事を表現するという習慣(思考)があります。

 

2.       wageは時間給など、働いた時間によって払われる給料、salaryは契約で一定期間(一月、一年など)について払われる給料です。

 

3.       「出世欲などは無いですが誠実な人です。」はこの文が書かれた社会の文化を反映した表現なので、英文で表現しようとすると難しいですね。この英文を読むと想定した読者の文化圏では、このような内容をどのように表現するのか考えなくてはなりません。でも、「想定した読者の文化圏」はどこでしょうか?私の方法は英文の一番一般的な表現を考えて、いろいろな英語文化圏の人が内容をわかるように努力することです。とは言っても、長く住んでいるカナダの英語文化圏の考えに影響されているのでしょうが。というわけで、He is not ambitious but very caring.としました。He has no desire to succeed.というと随分キツイですね。「女性が結婚対象の男性を、誠実な人、と言った場合、具体的などんは人なのでしょうか。正確が真面目だsincere、浮気をしないfaithful、思いやりがあるcaringなどなどあります。この男性はいろいろと女性のことを考えているようなので、caringを取りました。

 

4.       前の文から誰の話かわかるのでhe is willing to ~だけでもよいですが、「彼は〜と私に言ってくれている」というような感じを強調するときはHe says he is willing to ~とするとよいでしょう。逆に「彼は〜と言っているのだけれど、私はそうは思わない。」というように彼と私の相違をはっきりさせるときにもHe says ~ but I think ~.という形がよいでしょう。

 

5.       彼の収入が低いのが心配ですが、かれにはいろいろと良いところもあるので、「総合的に判断して」という意味で添削のようにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

I am 26 years old and the only child in my family. I work for a PC-related company and earn  160,000 yen a month on the take-home basis. My boyfriend is 30 and the oldest son in his family. He works in a factory as a temporary employee dispatched from a personal agency. His take-home pay is between 130,000 and 150,000 yen a month (he is paid hourly wages and the monthly earnings vary from month to month). We have been dating for three years. He recently asked me to marry him, but I have not given him my answer. In fact, I hesitate to marry him because his income is lower than mine, which might bring us financial problems in the future.

 

He is not an ambitious but very caring person. He says he is willing to do all household chores for me except cooking that he is not good at. He also agrees to live with my parents in the future if they want to. Under t these circumstances, is it all right for me to accept his proposal? Could you give me your candid advice?

 

 

初級練習問題 349

 

私は30歳、妻26歳、5歳、3歳、0歳の女児と私の両親(64歳、56歳)と結婚当初から同居しています。最近妻に「同居がつらいので別居したい」と言われました。私の親が何かひどいことをしたのかと思い理由を尋ねると「お風呂上りに下着で過ごしたい、トイレにいくのにも気を使う、結婚してから今まで自分の家なのに落ち着かなかった。」など。

 

別居自体は構わないのですがなんだか理由があまりにも幼稚でそれくらいで・・という感じでいまいち賛同できずにいました。妻はめっきり笑顔が減り私の両親を避けたりと行動に現れるようになってきました。私はどうしたらよいでしょうか?やはり別居したほうがいいのでしょうか。

 

読者からの投稿 7(Lucca, 2 October 13

 

I am a 30 year-old man and my wife is 26 years old. We have three girls, 5 and 3 years old and infant. Also, I have been living with my parents, 64 and 56 years old, since we got married. Recently, my wife said to me that she wanted to live separately with my parents. As I thought that my parents gave cold shoulder to my wife while I was not at home, I asked my wife what happened between her and my parents. She said, “I cannot relax at home after our marriage. I want to spend in underclothes after bath, but I cannot do that in front of your parents. I do not want to disturb your parents when I go to the bathroom.” I myself do not mind living separately with my parents, but her explanation is not quite persuasive enough because her reasons are childish. These days, she rarely smiles and starts ignoring my parents. What should I do in the future? Should I live separately with my parents for my wife?

 

添削

 

I am a 30 year-old man and my wife is 26 years old. We have three girls, five1 5, and three 3 and less than one years old and infant. Also, I have been living with my parents, 64 and 56 years old, since we got married. Recently, my wife said to me that she wanted to live separately from with my parents. As2 I thought that my parents gave cold shoulder to my wife while I was not at home., So I asked my wife what happened between her and my parents. She said, “I cannot relax at home after our marriage. For example, I want to spend in underclothes after bath, but I cannot do that in front of your parents. I must be careful do not want to disturb your parents when I go to the bathroom.” I myself do not mind living separately from with my parents, but her explanation is childish and not quite persuasive enough because her reasons are childish. These days, she rarely smiles and starts ignoring my parents. What should I do in the future? Should we I live separately from with my parents for the sake of my wife?

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       小さな数字はアルファベット表記のほうが文の中で収まりがいいです(趣味の問題でもありますが)。

 

2.       As ~ではじまる従属節があると、主節を読むまで、従属節の内容を頭に入れておかなければなりませんから、心理的な負担になります(読みやすさの問題ですが、あえて説明すればこうなります)。

 

添削後の文章

 

I am a 30 year-old man and my wife is 26 years old. We have three girls, five, three and less than one years old. I have been living with my parents, 64 and 56 years old, since we got married. Recently, my wife said to me that she wanted to live separately from my parents. I thought that my parents gave cold shoulder to my wife while I was not at home. So I asked my wife what happened between her and my parents. She said, “I cannot relax at home after our marriage. For example, I want to spend in underclothes after bath, but I cannot do that in front of your parents. I must be careful not to disturb your parents when I go to the bathroom.” I do not mind living separately from my parents, but her explanation is childish and not  persuasive. These days, she rarely smiles and starts ignoring my parents. What should I do?  Should we live separately from my parents for the sake of my wife?

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(Kalo, 10 June 13

 

I’m 30 years old and my wife is 26. We have three daughters, who are five, three and an infant. Since we got married, we’ve lived with my parents. The other day, my wife told me that she didn’t want to live with them any more. I asked her what had happened to her, wondering if my parents did something terrible to her. She gave me several reasons; “I want to relax in underwear after bath. I get nervous to them when I go to the toilet. I mean, I’ve never felt here at home since we got married.” 

 

As for me, it’s no problem to live separately from my parents but I didn't quite agree with her because she sounded like a child. But I haven’t seen her smiling recently and she’s started avoiding my parents. What should I do? Would it be better to live separately from my pare parents?

 

添削

 

I’m 30 years old and my wife is 26. We have three daughters, who are five, three and an infant. Since we got married, we’ve been liveding with my parents. The other day, my wife told me that she didn’t want to live with them any more. I asked her what had happened to her, wondering if my parents did something terrible to her. She gave me several reasons; “I want to relax in underwear after bath. I get nervous to about them when I go to the toilet. I mean, I’ve never felt here at home in my own house since we got married.” 

 

As for me, it’s no problem to live separately from my parents but I didn't don’t quite agree with her about her reasons because she soundeds like a child. Anyway But I haven’t seen her smileing recently and she’s started avoiding my parents. What should I do? Will Would it be better to live separately from my parents?

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

I’m 30 years old and my wife is 26. We have three daughters, who are five, three and an infant. Since we got married, we’ve been living with my parents. The other day, my wife told me that she didn’t want to live with them any more. I asked her what had happened to her, wondering if my parents did something terrible to her. She gave me several reasons; “I want to relax in underwear after bath. I get nervous about them when I go to the toilet. I mean, I’ve never felt  at home in my own house since we got married.” 

 

As for me, it’s no problem to live separately from my parents but I don’t quite agree with her about her reasons because she sounds like a child. Anyway I haven’t seen her smile recently and she’s started avoiding my parents. What should I do? Will it be better to live separately from my parents?

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(OKEN, 20 October 12

 

I am a 30 year-old man, and I have lived with my wife (26 years old), my daughters (5, 3, and 0 years old), and my parents (64 and 56 years old) since our marriage. My wife recently said to me, “I want to live separately because I feel trying for living together with my parents.” I thought my parents might do something bad to her and asked her about the reason. She replied as follows; I want to relax in my underwear after a bath, I also go to a lot of trouble even to use the toilet, I have hardly felt comfortable for some time now since our marriage in spite of living in my home, etc. I think that living separately would be acceptable for me but her saying is not so serious. So, I have not agreed to her proposal. She has become very smileless and showed some attitudes suggesting her feelings that she doesn’t want to be with my parents. How should I do? Is it better to live separately?

 

添削

 

I am a 30 year-old man, and I have lived with my wife (26 years old), and my daughters (5, 3, and less than one 0 years old), I have been living1 with and my parents (64 and 56 years old) since our marriage. My wife recently said to me, “I want to live separately from your parents because I feel stressed trying for living together with your my2 parents.” I thought my parents might be doing something bad to her and asked her about the reason for her stress. She replied as follows;, I want to relax in my underwear after taking a bath., I also go to a lot of trouble not to disturb your parents even to use the toilet, . I have hardly felt comfortable for some time now since our marriage in spite of living at in my own home., etc. I think thought3 that living separately would be acceptable for me but her reasons were rather saying is not so serious naive. So, I have not agreed to her proposal yet. But recently4 Sshe hardly smiles has become very smileless and showeds some attitudes suggesting her feelings that she doesn’t want to be with my parents. What How should I do? Is it better to live separately?

 

コメント

 

内容のほぼすべてがわかります。

 

1.       義理の両親との同居が問題になっているので、そのことを新しい文で強調します。

 

2.       ここは義理の両親ですね。

 

3.       「賛同できずにいました」と過去のことですね。

 

4.       これを入れると前の文との関連がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

I am a 30 year-old man with my wife (26 years old) and daughters (5, 3, and less than one year old) I have been living with my parents (64 and 56 years old) since our marriage. My wife recently said to me, “I want to live separately from your parents because I feel stressed  living together with your parents.” I thought my parents might be doing something bad to her and asked her about the reason for her stress. She replied, “I want to relax in my underwear after taking a bath. I also go to a lot of trouble not to disturb your parents even to use the toilet. I have hardly felt comfortable since our marriage in spite of living at my own home. I thought that living separately would be acceptable but her reasons were rather naive. So, I have not agreed to her proposal yet. But recently she hardly smiles and shows some attitudes suggesting her feelings that she doesn’t want to be with my parents. What should I do? Is it better to live separately?

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 28 November 10

 

I am 30 years husband having a wife (26 years of age) and 3 daughters (5, 3 and 0 years of age). We have lived with my parents, aged 64 and 56, ever since we got married. Recently, my wife told me that she could not stand to live together with them any longer and hence wanted to leave the house to live separately from them. I asked her what made her to think so, wondering if my parents had been hard on her. She, without hesitation, named a couple of reasons such as “I want to relax in my underwear after a bath; I feel uneasy about going to the restroom before their eyes; and I have never felt cozy at our home since we got married”. While I do not mind living separately from my parents, I am not quite agreeable with her because her reasons are immature and imprudent. In the meantime, her smile has been quickly vanishing and she has begun to overtly keep away from my parents. What should I do? Would it be better to take a course of living separately from my parents?

 

添削

 

I am a 30 years-old husband having with a wife (26 years-old wife of age) and three 3 daughters (younger than one year old, three years old, and five years old 5, 3 and 0 years of age). We have lived with my parents, aged 64 and 56, ever since we got married. Recently, my wife told me that she could not stand to live together with them any longer and hence wanted us to leave the house and to live separately from my parents them1. I asked her what had made her to think so, wondering if my parents had been hard on her. She, wWithout hesitation, she named a few couple of reasons such as, “I want to relax in my underwear after a bath; I feel uneasy about going to the restroom before their eyes; and I have never felt cozy at our home since we got married”. While I do not mind living separately from my parents, I am not quite agreeable with her because her reasons because they seem to be are immature and imprudent. In the meantime, she seldom her smiles now has been quickly vanishing and she has begun to overtly keeps herself away from my parents2. What should I do? Would it be better to take a course of living live separately from my parents?

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       登場人物がはっきりと認定できるようにするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       平明な表現のほうが、この文章の投稿者の気持ちに合うでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

I am a 30 years-old husband with a 26 years-old wife and three daughters (younger than one year old, three years old, and five years old ). We have lived with my parents, aged 64 and 56, ever since we got married. Recently, my wife told me that she could not stand to live together with them any longer and hence wanted us to leave the house and live separately from my parents. I asked her what had made her to think so, wondering if my parents had been hard on her. Without hesitation, she named a few reasons such as, “I want to relax in my underwear after a bath; I feel uneasy about going to the restroom before their eyes; and I have never felt cozy at our home since we got married”. While I do not mind living separately from my parents, I am not quite agreeable with her reasons because they seem to be  immature and imprudent. In the meantime, she seldom smiles now and keeps herself away from my parents. What should I do? Would it be better to live separately from my parents?

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、17 April 08

 

I am 30 years old. My wife is 26 years old. I have a five-year-old and a three-year-old daughter, and an female infant. We have lived with my parents since our marriage life started. My wife recently said "I want to live separately from your parents as it is hard for me to live with them." I asked her the reasons why she wants to live separately from my parents as I thought that my parents gave cold shoulder to my wife. She said "I'll spend a little time in underwears. I have to care for your parents even in going to the restroom. I have never felt comfortable in our house since our marriage life started." It does not have any problems that we live separately from my parents. As I felt that her reasons were too childish, I could not agree with her. She hardly gives us any  smiles recently. She also begins to take action to avoid my parents. What should I do? Do you think that it is best to live separately from my parents?

 

添削

 

I am a 30 years- old husband1. My wife is 26 years old. We2 I have three children: a five-year-old and a three-year-old daughter, and an female infant. We have lived with my parents since we got our married marriage life started. My wife recently said, "I want to live separately from your parents as it is hard for me to live with them." I asked her the reasons why she wants to live separately from my parents as because I thought that my parents might have given her the gave cold shoulder to my wife. She said, "I'll I want to spend a little time in underwears after taking a bath. But now I have to be concerned with3 care for your parents even when I am in going to the restroom washroom. I have never felt comfortable in our own home house since our marriage life started." I don’t mind It does not have any problems that we liveing separately from my parents. As But I felt that her reasons were too childish, so I could not agree with her. She hardly gives us any smiles recently. She also begins to take action to avoid my parents. What should I do? Do you think that it is best better to live separately from my parents?

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。添削は文章を読みやすくしました。

 

1.       最初に家族構成を説明しているので、本人が夫であることを述べるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       Weとするのが一般的です。

 

3.       「トイレにいくのにも気を使う」は具体的にどんなように気を使うのかわからないで、一般的な表現のbe concerned withにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

I am a 30 years- old husband. My wife is 26 years old. We have three children: a five-year-old and a three-year-old daughter, and an female infant. We have lived with my parents since we got married. My wife recently said, "I want to live separately from your parents as it is hard for me to live with them." I asked her why because I thought that my parents might have given her the gave cold. She said, "I want to spend a little time in underwear after taking a bath. But now I have to be concerned with your parents even when I am going to the washroom. I have never felt comfortable in our own home." I don’t mind living separately from my parents. But I felt that her reasons were too childish, so I could not agree with her. She hardly gives us any smiles recently. She also begins to avoid my parents. What should I do? Do you think that it is better to live separately from my parents?

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、19 October 06

 

I’m thirty years old and have a wife who is twenty six years old and three daughters aged zero, three and five. My wife and I have lived with my parents (they are sixty four and fifty six years old) since we got married. Recently my wife complains that she can not stand to live with my parents any longer and wants to live separately. I doubted that my parents harassed her and asked the reason. Her answer was that she had not be able to act as she pleased in the house. She said she had always thought of relaxing in the loose cloths after taking bath or she had been gotten bothered even to go to the bathroom in the presence of my parents. She claimed that she had never felt relax in the house since we got married. I don’t care to live separately with my parents but I can not understand such a stupid reason and can not completely agree with that. Smile has vanished from wife’s face recently and she seems to avoid my parents. What should I do? Is it better for us to move out ?

 

添削

 

I’m thirty years old and have a wife who is twenty six years old and three daughters aged zero younger than one, three and five. My wife and I have lived with my parents (they are sixty four and fifty six years old) since we got married. Recently my wife complains that she can not stand to live with my parents any longer and wants to live separately. I doubted1 wondered if that my parents had been harasseding her. So I and asked her2 the reason. Her answer was that she had not been able to act behave as she pleased liked at home in the house3. She said she had always thought of relaxing in the a loose clothsing after taking a bath. She was even hesitant about or she had been gotten bothered even to going to the toilet bathroom4 in the presence of my parents. She claimed said5 that she had never felt relaxed at home in the house since we got married. I don’t care mind6 to liveing separately with from my parents but I can not understand such a stupid petty reason and can not completely agree with that her. Recently Ssmiles has have vanished from her wife s face recently and she seems to avoid my parents. What should I do? Is it better for us to move out of the house and live separately from my parents7?

 

コメント

 

1.       I doubted that my parents harassed her.とすると「両親が妻をいじめていると疑った。」とかなり確立の高い推測をしていることになります。ここではI wondered if ~ 「もしかすると〜なのかと思って」としました。

 

2.       I asked the reason.でも前の文からの続きで意味はわかりますが、I asked her the reason.と動詞本来の形にしたほうがよいでしょう。

 

3.       out of the house, in the houseの対で家の外、中という物理的な位置を示しますから、ここでは物理的な位置と共に家族関係を含めたat homeがよいでしょう。

 

4.       Collins COBUILDによるとA bathroom is a room in a house that contains a bath or a shower, a washbasin, and sometimes a toilet. A toiletには狭義な意味で水洗便器、広義な意味でA toilet is a room in a house or public building that contains a toilet (英国英語、米国英語ではa bathroomまたはa rest room)。A washroom is a room with toilets and washing facilities, situated in a large building such as a factory or an office block.とあります。ここでは日本文でトイレとあるので、the toiletのほうがよいでしょう。 

 

5.       claimed ~は「〜が本当だと主張した」という強い意味です。日本文の内容を見ると、このような状況なのかもしれませんが、ここでは簡単にsaidにしました。

 

6.       I don’t care to live separately. とすると「わたしは分かれて住みたくない。」と逆の意味になりますね。

 

7.       質問なので内容を繰り返して補足しておくとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

I’m thirty years old and have a wife who is twenty six years old and three daughters aged  younger than one, three and five. My wife and I have lived with my parents (they are sixty four and fifty six years old) since we got married. Recently my wife complains that she can not stand to live with my parents any longer and wants to live separately. I wondered if my parents had been harassing her. So I asked her the reason. Her answer was that she had not been able to behave as she liked at home. She said she had always thought of relaxing in a loose clothing after taking a bath. She was even hesitant about going to the toilet in the presence of my parents. She said that she had never felt relaxed at home since we got married. I don’t mind living separately from my parents but I can not understand such a petty reason and can not agree with her. Recently smiles have vanished from her and she seems to avoid my parents. What should I do? Is it better for us to move out of the house and live separately from my parents?

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Keicoco, 17 September 06

 

I am 30 years old and my wife is 26. We have three daughters who are five, three and a baby. We have lived with my parents who are 64 and 56 since we get married. My wife recently told me that she could not bear to live with them and wanted to live apart from them. I asked her the reason while I wondered if my parents were mean to her or something. Her answers were like she wanted to relax only in her underwear after taking a bath, she had to wait her turn to use a toilet, and she has not felt relaxed since we get married even though she was at our own home.

 

I do not mind separating from my parents. However, such reasons are so silly or childish that I have not quite agreed with her. Then, my wife is beginning to show her desire to live apart from them by trying to avoid them or by showing few smiles on her face. What should I do? Should we live apart from my parents?

 

添削

 

I am 30 years old and my wife is 26. We have three daughters who are five, three and a baby. We have lived with my parents who are 64 and 56 since we get got married. My wife recently told me that she could can1 not bear to live with them my parents2 and wanteds to live apart separately from them. I asked her the reason, while I wondereding3 if my parents were had been mean to her or something. Her answers were likeShe said she wanted to relax with only in her underwear on after taking a bath, and she had to wait for her turn to use a toilet4., As such, and she has never not felt relaxed at home living with my parents since we get got married even though she was at our own home.

 

I do not mind living separating separately from my parents. However, such trivial reasons are so silly or childish that I have not quite agreed with her. Then, my wife is beginning to show her desire to live apart separately from them my parents by trying to avoid them or by showing few smiles on her face. What should I do? Should we live apart separately from my parents? 

 

コメント

 

1.       動詞の時制の一致ではここも過去形ですが、ここは口語体の文で、She said, “I can’t to bear to live with your parents any more.”といったことを間接話法にしているので、直接話法の気持ちを取って現在形にすると具体的になります。

 

2.       この文章は登場人物が多いのでどれが誰かはっきりするとよいでしょう。

 

3.       while I wonder ~とすると、「私も〜などいろいろ考えて」といった感じになります。ここではwonderingとすると前の文との関連が強くなります。

 

4.       「トイレにいくのにも気を使う」は具体的に何を気にしているのかわかりませんが、投稿のように具体例を入れないと英文で表現できませんね。朝早くや夜遅く水洗トイレの水を流す音が両親の睡眠を妨げないように気を使っているのかもしれません。

 

添削後の文章

 

I am 30 years old and my wife is 26. We have three daughters who are five, three and a baby. We have lived with my parents who are 64 and 56 since we got married. My wife recently told me that she can not bear to live with my parents and wants to live separately from them. I asked her the reason, wondering if my parents had been mean to her. She said she wanted to relax with only her underwear on after taking a bath and she had to wait for her turn to use a toilet. As such, she has never felt at home living with my parents since we got married.

 

I do not mind living separately from my parents. However, such trivial reasons are so silly or childish that I have not quite agreed with her. Then, my wife is beginning to show her desire to live separately from my parents by trying to avoid them or by showing few smiles on her face. What should I do? Should we live separately from my parents? 

 

 

初級練習問題 350

 

先生退職後はどうぞ“先生の先生”に。茨城県教育委員会は希望者が伸び悩む小中学校教諭の「再任用制度」を来年度から見直す方針を固めた。これまで再任用者を学級担任にしてきたのをやめ、代わりに長年の教壇経験を生かせる新人教員の教育係に充てる。心身の負担を減らし、再任希望者増につなげたい考えだ。

 

読者からの投稿 6(Kalo, 9 November 13

 

“Want retired teachers for new teachers”  

 

The Ibaraki Prefectural Education Board has decided to revise its program for retired teachers at elementary and junior high schools in view of slower growth in the number of applicants for the job. The revision will take effect next fiscal year. Thus far, retired teachers have been appointed to be a classroom teacher, but instead they will serve as a tutor for new teachers, sharing their longtime teaching experiences with them. The board hopes that the revision will help retired teachers to ease their physical and mental stress associated with managing a classroom, leading to an increase in the number of new applicants.

 

添削

 

Want rRetired teachers are wanted to teach for new teachers”  

 

The Ibaraki Prefectural Education Board has decided to revise its program for retired teachers at elementary and junior high schools in view of the slower growth in the number of applicants for its program to re-hire retired teaches the job. The revision will take effect in the next fiscal year. Thus far, a retired teachers has have been appointed to be a classroom teacher., bBut in the revised program, instead he/she they will serve as a tutor for new teachers, sharing his/her their longtime teaching experiences with new teachers them. The board hopes that the revision will help retired teachers to ease their physical and mental stress associated with the managingement of a classroom, and will leading to an increase in the number of new applicants.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Retired teachers are wanted to teach new teachers”  

 

The Ibaraki Prefectural Education Board has decided to revise its program for retired teachers at elementary and junior high schools in view of the slow growth in the number of applicants for its program to re-hire retired teaches. The revision will take effect in the next fiscal year. Thus far, a retired teacher has been appointed to a classroom teacher. But in the revised program, he/she will serve as a tutor for new teachers, sharing his/her longtime teaching experiences with new teachers. The board hopes that the revision will help retired teachers to ease their physical and mental stress associated with the management of a classroom and will lead to an increase in the number of applicants.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 8 October 13

 

The Ibaragi Prefecture Education Board has decided to revise the rehirement program for teachers at the elementary and junior school from the next fiscal year. This is because teachers who use this program are not growing in numbers. According to the new program, retired teachers will no longer be required to take charge of a class. Instead, they will be asked to a train teacher for young teachers, taking advantage of their long experience of teaching. The board expects that the new program will reduce their stress mentally and physically , and help to increase the number of applicants who want to use this program. The board is now calling for teachers approaching retirement age to become a teacher for teachers.

 

添削

 

The Ibaragi Prefecture Education Board has decided to revise the rehiring rehirement program for teachers at the its elementary and junior schools in from the next fiscal year. This is because teachers who use this program are not growing in numbers. According to the new program, retired teachers will no longer be required to take charge of a class. Instead, they will be asked to become a train teacher for young teachers, taking advantage of their long experience of teaching. The board expects that the new program will reduce their stress mentally and physically , and help to increase the number of applicants who want to use this program. The board is now calling for teachers approaching retirement age to become a teacher for teachers.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ibaragi Prefecture Education Board has decided to revise the rehiring program for teachers at its elementary and junior schools in the next fiscal year. This is because teachers who use this program are not growing in number. According to the new program, retired teachers will no longer be required to take charge of a class. Instead, they will be asked to become a teacher for young teachers, taking advantage of their long experience of teaching. The board expects that the new program will reduce their stress mentally and physically, and help to increase the number of applicants who want to use this program. The board is now calling for teachers approaching retirement age to become a teacher for teachers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 30 November 10

 

Why not become a teacher of teachers after your retirement from school? The Ibaragi Prefectural Board of Education has decided to revamp the current reappointment program for teachers at elementary and junior high schools aiming at attracting more applicants beginning the next fiscal year. Under the new program, a rehired teacher will be assigned as a trainer in charge of starting teachers rather than as a classroom teacher. That way, the new program fully exploits his years of teaching experience while easing burden on his mind and body. The board of education hopes that the program thus enhanced will lead to an increased number of applicants.

 

添削

 

Why not become a teacher of teachers after your retirement from school? The Ibaragi Prefectural Board of Education has decided to revamp the current reappointment program for teachers at elementary and junior high schools in order to1 aiming at attracting more applicants beginning in the next fiscal year. Under the new program, a rehired teacher will be assigned to a job of as a trainering in charge of starting new teachers rather than to a job of as a classroom teacher. That This way, the new program is expected to fully exploits his years of teaching experience of retired teachers while easing burden on their his minds and bodyies. The board of education hopes that the revamped program thus enhanced will lead to an increased number of applicants.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       この後の文に注意が行くようにin order toで視覚効果を入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Why not become a teacher of teachers after your retirement from school? The Ibaragi Prefectural Board of Education has decided to revamp the current reappointment program for teachers at elementary and junior high schools in order to attract more applicants beginning in the next fiscal year. Under the new program, a rehired teacher will be assigned to a job of   training new teachers rather than to a job of a classroom teacher. This way, the new program is expected to fully exploit years of teaching experience of retired teachers while easing burden on their minds and bodies. The board of education hopes that the revamped program  will lead to an increased number of applicants.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、18 April 08

 

Ibaraki Prefectural Board of Education urged retired elementary and junior high teachers so that they engage in an instructor who educates active teachers. The board of education made a policy that reviewed the reappointing system of elementary and junior high teachers in the following year. This is because those who want to become an elementary and a junior high teacher decreased. The board of education does not appoint reappointed teachers as a class teacher, but appoints them as a trainer who educates rookie teachers to make use of their long experience in education. As they can decrease the burden of their mind and body in this system, many of retired teachers will want to be an instructor.

 

添削

 

The Ibaraki Prefectural Board of Education are urgeding1 retired elementary and junior high teachers to start working again2 so that they engage in an as a instructor who educates active teachers. The board of education made a policy that has decided to revise3 reviewed the reappointing system program of elementary and junior high teachers in the following next year. This is because those who use this program and want to become teach an elementary and a junior high school again have been teacher decreaseding. Under the revised program, Tthe board of education does not hires appoint retired reappointed teachers as a class teachers, but appoints hires them as a trainers who educates rookie teachers to make use of their long experience in education teaching. As This they can reduce decrease the burden on of their minds and bodyies and in this system, may attract more many of retired teachers back to teaching again will want to be an instructor.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       進行形にすると内容が強調されます。

 

2.       so thatでつづけるとurgingso that以下の関連が薄くなります。添削のように、「〜することを勧めている、がよいでしょう。

 

3.       「見直す方針を固めた」は「制度を改正することにした」と解釈したほうが内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ibaraki Prefectural Board of Education are urging retired elementary and junior high teachers to start working again as a instructor who educates active teachers. The board has decided to revise the reappointing program of elementary and junior high teachers next year. This is because those who use this program and want to teach an elementary and a junior high school again have been decreasing. Under the revised program, the board does not hire retired teachers as class teachers but hire them as trainers who educate rookie teachers to make use of their long experience in teaching. This can reduce the burden on their minds and bodies and may attract more retired teachers back to teaching again .

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、20 October 06

 

Why don’t you become a teacher for teachers after you retired from your profession as a teacher?” The Ibaragi Prefecture’s education Board has decided to revise its Teachers rehiring system for elementary and junior high schools from next year because the number of applicants for local teachers is stagnating. The board has been appointing rehired teachers as classroom teachers and let them take a charge of the class, but under the new system the board will assign them as trainers who conduct newly recruited teachers by putting their long years experience in use. The board expects that the new system will reduce the burden on the rehired older teachers in both physical and mental aspects and stimulate the number of the applicants among the retired teachers who have wanted to work again but hesitated because of the heavy workload.

 

添削

 

Why don’t you become a teacher for teachers after you retire from school1 retired from your profession as a teacher?” The Ibaragi Prefecture’s education Board of Education2 has decided to revise its Tteachers rehiring system program3 for elementary and junior high schools from next year because the number of applicants for local the program teachers is stagnating. The board has been appointing rehired teachers as to classrooms teachers and let them take a charge of the class, . bBut under the new system program, the board will assign them as to the role of trainers who conduct help newly recruited teachers by putting their long years of experience in use. The board expects that the new system program will reduce the burden on the rehired older teachers in both physical and mental aspects and stimulate the number of the applicants among the retired teachers who have wanted to work again but hesitated because of the heavy workload4.

 

コメント

 

1.       after you retire from schoolと簡単でよいでしょう。

 

2.       固有名詞なのでthe Board of Education of Ibaragi Prefectureまたはthe Ibaragi Prefecture Board of Educationと大文字で表記します。

 

3.       「再任用制度」のように制度はよく使われますが、an education systemというようにsystemは基本的な制度に使います。「再任用制度」のような特別なものにはprogramがよいでしょう。

 

4.       下線の補足説明で内容がよくわかりますね。文章全体の構成をつぎのように変えると内容の流れがよくなります。

 

"Why don't you become a teacher for teachers after you retire from school?" This is the policy direction towards which the Ibaragi Prefecture Board of Education plans to revise its teachers rehiring program or elementary and junior high schools next year. The board has been appointing rehired teachers to classrooms but the number of applicants for the program is stagnating. Retired teachers want to work again but hesitate to take a heavy workload. Under the new program, the board will assign rehired teachers to the role of a mentor who help newly recruited teachers and makes use of their long experience as a teacher. The board expects that the new program will reduce the burden on the rehired older teachers in both physical and mental aspects and stimulate the number of applicants among retired teachers.

 

添削後の文章

 

Why don’t you become a teacher for teachers after you retire from school ?” The Ibaragi Prefecture Board of Education has decided to revise its teachers rehiring program for elementary and junior high schools from next year because the number of applicants for the program is stagnating. The board has been appointing rehired teachers to classrooms. But under the new program, the board will assign them to the role of trainers who help newly recruited teachers by putting their long years of experience in use. The board expects that the new program will reduce the burden on the rehired older teachers in both physical and mental aspects and stimulate the number of applicants among retired teachers who have wanted to work again but hesitated because of the heavy workload.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Keicoco, 19 October 06

 

Come back and work again as a teachers’ teacher! The school board in Ibaraki Prefecture has recently decided to reform the re-employment system for teachers who work out at primary schools or junior high schools next year because fewer teachers want to use the current re-employment system. According to the plan, a rehired teacher will work not as a homeroom teacher who has a heavy workload but as an instructor who trains beginning teachers while drawing on his or her long years of experience in the classroom. The board aims to increase the number of rehired teachers by cutting the physical and mental burden on them.

 

添削

 

Come back to school again and work again as a teachers’ teacher! The sSchool bBoard in of Ibaraki Prefecture1 has recently decided to reform2 the re-employment system for teachers who work out at primary schools or and junior high schools teachers next year because fewer than expected3 teachers want to use the current re-employment system. According to the plan4, a rehired teacher will work again not as a homeroom teacher who has a heavy workload5 but as an instructor who trains beginning beginner teachers, while drawing on his or her long years of experience in the classroom. The board aims to increase the number of rehired teachers by cutting reducing the physical and mental burden on them.

 

コメント

 

1.       茨城県教育委員会は固有名詞なので添削のようにします。

 

2.       「方針を見直す」の見直す、は「現在の方針は期待通りには働いていないので改善する」という意味なのでしょう。reviewがこれに相当しますが、はっきりとreform, improveと表現してもよいでしょう。

3.       「伸び悩む」は具体的には応募者の数が少ないのか、増えているが増え方が遅いのか、わからないので「期待していたより少ない」fewer than expectedとするとよいでしょう。

 

4.       According to the planThe board plans that ~としてもよいですが、According to the planのほうが、the planが強調されてよいでしょうね。プレイン・イングリッシュは読者に一読で内容がわかる文章を書くことを目的にしていますから、同一のものは同一の名詞で(この練習問題ではthe boardまたはthe school board)を使用することが基本です。同じ名詞の繰り返しは芸が無い、というのは文学表現のことを言っているのでしょう。

 

5.       この補足説明は内容をわかりやすくしていますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Come back to school again and work as a teachers’ teacher!” The School Board of Ibaraki Prefecture has recently decided to reform the re-employment system for primary and junior high school teachers next year because fewer than expected teachers want to use the current re-employment system. According to the plan, a rehired teacher will work again not as a homeroom teacher who has a heavy workload but as an instructor who trains beginner teachers, drawing on his or her long years of experience in the classroom. The board aims to increase the number of rehired teachers by reducing the physical and mental burden on them.