ホームページに戻る

 

初級練習問題添削 281−290

 

初級練習問題添削 281(18 May 06) (20 Nov 07) (10 July 10) (11 Sept 1)

初級練習問題添削 282(19 May 06) (24 May 06) (11 March 07) (20 Nov 07) (10 July 10)

                        (19 Sept 12)

初級練習問題添削 283(26 May 06) (23 Nov 07) (13 July 10) (20 Sept 12)

初級練習問題添削 284(19 May 06) (27 May 06) (30 June 06) (6 Sept 06) (24 Nov 07)

                                          (13 July 10) (20 September 12)

初級練習問題添削 285(23 May 06) (27 May 06) (1 July 06) (5 Sept 06) (25 Nov 07)

                                          (13 July 10) (21 Sept 12)

初級練習問題添削 286(23 May 06) (30 May 06) (7 July 06) (3 September 06)

(26 Nov 07) (15 July 10) (21 Sept 12)

初級練習問題添削 287(24 May 06) (30 May 06) (11 July 06) (8 March 07) (27 Nov 07)

                                          (15 July 10) (28 July 12) (10 Oct 12)

初級練習問題添削 288(24 May 06) (31 May 06) (14 July 06) (2 Sept 06) (29 Nov 07)

                                          (17 July 10) (28 Sept 12)

初級練習問題添削 290(26 May 06) (31 May 06) (21 Sept 06) (30 Nov 07) (17 July 10)

             (10 Oct 12) (23 Nov 12)   

 

初級添削問題 281

 

公害の原点といわれる水俣病の公式確認から50年。犠牲者慰霊式で、患者は解決していない問題があるのは残念、と語り、参加者は悲劇を繰り返さないことを誓った。

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 11 September 12

 

It is said that Minamata disease is the first tragedy of industrial pollution in Japan. Now fifty years have passed since Minamata disease was officially recognized. To commemorate this, a memorial ceremony for victims of Minamata disease was held. At the ceremony, a victim disappointedly said that unsolved problems with this disease still remained even after fifty years. All participants in the venue vowed never to repeat this tragedy. 

 

添削

 

It is said that Minamata disease is was the first major tragedy of industrial pollution in Japan. Now fifty years have passed since Minamata disease was officially recognized. To commemorate this, a memorial ceremony for the victims of Minamata disease was held. At the ceremony, one a victim disappointedly said that there were still unsolved problems with this disease still remained even after fifty years. All participants in the ceremony venue vowed never to allow repeat this tragedy happen again. 

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

It is said that Minamata disease was the first major industrial pollution in Japan. Now fifty years have passed since Minamata disease was officially recognized. To commemorate this, a memorial ceremony for the victims of Minamata disease was held. At the ceremony, one  victim disappointedly said that there were still unsolved problems with this disease after fifty years. All participants in the ceremony vowed never to allow this tragedy happen again. 

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(mxtomi, 10 July 10

 

It has been 50 years since the government officially recognized Minamata disease which is often referred to as the starting point of environmental pollution in Japan. At the memorial ceremony, some sufferers of the disease lamented that there still remained some issues to be solved, while all the participants pledged to prevent such tragedies from happening again.

 

添削

 

It has been 50 years since the government officially recognized Minamata disease which is often referred to as the starting point of realizing the seriousness of environmental pollution in Japan. At the memorial ceremony, some sufferers of the disease lamented that there still remained some issues to be resolved, while all the participants pledged to prevent such tragedies from happening again.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

It has been 50 years since the government officially recognized Minamata disease which is often referred to as the starting point of realizing the seriousness of environmental pollution in Japan. At the memorial ceremony, some sufferers of the disease lamented that there still remained some issues to be resolved, while all the participants pledged to prevent such tragedies from happening again.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(岩ちゃん、20 November 07

 

It is said that Minamata disease is the first disease which was caused by environmental pollution in Japan. Fifty years has passed since this disease was officially confirmed. The victims told at the memorial ceremony that they were not happy to have some unsolved problems. The attendants pledged that this sad story should not be repeated again.

 

添削

 

It is said that Minamata disease is was the first disease which was caused by environmental pollution in Japan. Fifty years have has passed since this disease was officially confirmed. The victims told at the memorial ceremony that they were not happy to face have some unsolved problems. The attendants pledged that this sad story should not be repeated again.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

It is said that Minamata disease was the first disease which was caused by environmental pollution in Japan. Fifty years have passed since this disease was officially confirmed. The victims told at the memorial ceremony that they were not happy to face some unsolved problems. The attendants pledged that this sad story should not be repeated again.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(さくら、18 May 06

 

It has been fifty years since Minamata Disease was officially recognized. Minamata Disease is said the principle of environmental pollution issues. At the memorial service for the victims, the patients said it was regrettable and disappointing that some problems were still unsolved. The participants pleaded not to repeat this disaster again.

 

添削

 

It has been fifty years since Minamata Disease was officially recognized. Minamata Disease is said to be the first of the series of diseases caused by environmental pollution in the last fifty years1 the principle of environmental pollution issues. At the memorial service for the victims of the disease, the patients said it was regrettable and disappointing that some problems related to the mercury poisoning at Minamata2 were still unsolved. The participants in the ceremony pleaded not to let repeat this disaster tragedy happen3 again.

 

コメント

 

1.       短い日本文ですが、読者は水俣病について知っていることを前提にした文章なので、英文で内容を表現するときには幾つか補足説明が必要になります。「公害の原点」はいろいろな意味に解釈できますが、添削のように補足しました。

 

2.       「解決していない問題」は多分水俣病の補償問題なのでしょう。水俣の水銀中毒に関した問題、と補足を入れました。

 

3.       If you repeat an action, you do it again. If an event or series of events repeats itself, it happens again.という用例がCOBUILDに載っています。ここでThe participants pleaded not to repeat this disaster again.とするrepeatの行為をするのはthe patientsになりますから、「患者はこの悲劇を自分たちでもう一度繰り返さないと誓った。」となって、患者自身が過去に悲劇を起こした、ことになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

It has been fifty years since Minamata Disease was officially recognized. Minamata Disease is said to be the first of the series of diseases caused by environmental pollution in the last fifty years. At the memorial service for the victims of the disease, patients said it was regrettable and disappointing that some problems related to the mercury poisoning at Minamata were still unsolved. The participants in the ceremony pleaded not to let this tragedy happen again.

 

 

初級添削問題 282

 

例年、ガソリンの最大需要期であるゴールデンウィークはガソリンスタンドが販売を伸ばそうと値下げする傾向にあったが、今年は原油価格の急騰で、1リットルあたり6円値上げしたところが多く、ドライバーの財布を直撃している格好だ。

 

読者からの投稿 6(Lucca, 19 September 12

 

During golden week holidays in which the gasoline is used most at the time of year, gas stations tend to decrease a selling price of the gasoline because of the increase gasoline sales. Since the crude oil price is soaring this year, most of the gas stations sell the gasoline six yen per liter higher than usual year. It becomes a big burden for drivers who are traveling during golden week holidays.

 

添削

 

Every year1, Dduring golden week holidays in which the gasoline for automobiles is used most in the at the time of year, gas stations tend to decrease a selling prices of the gasoline because of the to attract more customers and increase gasoline sales. But this year, Ssince the crude oil price is soaring this year, most of the gas stations are selling the gasoline six yen per liter higher per liter than the last usual year2. This3 It has becomes a big burden for on drivers who are traveling during the4 golden week holidays.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       Every yearとあとに出てくるBut this yearを対比させるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       これは多分去年の値段とくらべて、ということでしょう。

 

3.       前の文の内容ですから、Itという遠くのものではなくthisという近くのものを指す代名詞にします。

 

4.       今年のゴールデンウィークの意味です。

 

添削後の文章

 

Every year, during golden week holidays in which gasoline for automobiles is used most in the year, gas stations tend to decrease selling prices to attract more customers and increase gasoline sales. But this year, since the crude oil price is soaring , most of gas stations are selling gasoline six yen higher per liter than the last year. This has become a big burden on drivers who are traveling during the golden week holidays.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 10 July 10

 

At this time of year, most service stations used to reduce the price of gasoline in a bid to increase their gasoline sales towards Golden Week holidays, a peak demand season in a year. This year, however, the majority of them have raised the retail price of gasoline by as much as six yen per liter due to surging crude oil prices, hitting drivers’ pocketbook hard.

 

添削

 

During Golden Week holidays when the demand for gasoline peaked in a year1, At this time of year, most gasoline service stations used to reduce the price of gasoline in a bid to increase their gasoline sales towards Golden Week holidays, a peak demand season in a year. This year, however, the majority of them have raised their retail prices of gasoline by as much as six yen per liter due to the surging crude oil prices, thus hitting drivers’ pocketbooks hard.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       ゴールデンウィークの間、ということを文頭ではっきりさせたほうが文章の流れがよくなるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

During Golden Week holidays when the demand for gasoline peaked in a year, most gasoline service stations used to reduce the price of gasoline in a bid to increase their  sales . This year, however, the majority of them have raised their retail prices by as much as six yen per liter due to the surging crude oil prices, thus hitting drivers’ pocketbooks hard.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、20 November 07

 

Most gasoline is consumed during Golden Week holidays every year. Therefore, gas stations trended to cut its prices so that they want to sell gasoline as much as possible. But because of a sudden rise of crude prices, many gas stations increased prices by six yen per liter. This will give a big burden to car drivers.

 

添削

 

There is large demand for Most gasoline is consumed during Golden Week holidays every year. Therefore, gas stations tend trended to cut their its prices so that they can want to sell gasoline as much as possible. But because of the a sudden rise of crude oil prices this year, many gas stations increased their prices of gasoline by six yen per liter. This will give a big burden to car drivers.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますがMost gasoline is consumed during Golden Week holidays every year.は「毎年、(一年で使われる)ガソリンの大部分はゴールデンウィーク中に使われる」になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

There is large demand for gasoline during Golden Week holidays every year. Therefore, gas stations tend to cut their prices so that they can sell gasoline as much as possible. But because of the sudden rise of crude oil prices this year, many gas stations increased their prices of gasoline by six yen per liter. This will give a big burden to car drivers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 11 March 07

 

Gasoline stations usually aim to boost sales by cutting gasoline prices during Golden Week holidays, when gasoline is at peak demand in a year. But this year, many of these companies had to raise gasoline prices by 6 per liter due to a sharp rise in crude oil prices. This hike influenced expenses for driving during the holidays.

 

添削

 

Gasoline stations usually aim to boost sales by cutting gasoline prices during Golden Week holidays,1 when demand for gasoline is at peaks demand in a year2. But this year, many gasoline stations of these companies had have to raise gasoline prices by 6 yen per liter due to a the sharp rise in crude oil prices. This hike influenced directly hits consumers who go out expenses for driving during the holidays3.

 

コメント

 

1.       関係詞whenの限定用法としてコンマを取り除きます。

 

2.       peakを動詞として使うと少しインパクトが強くなります。

 

3.       ゴールデンウィークの行楽に自動車で出かける人、という意味が日本文に入っているのでしょう。この日本文は多分ゴールデンウィーク中に書かれたものなので、(直撃している)現在形にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Gasoline stations usually aim to boost sales by cutting gasoline prices during Golden Week holidays when demand for gasoline peaks in a year. But this year, many gasoline stations   have to raise gasoline prices by 6 yen per liter due to the sharp rise in crude oil prices. This hike directly hits consumers who go out driving during the holidays.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、24 May 06

 

Usually gas stations tend to reduce the price of gasoline to increase sales during the consecutive holidays of May when the gasoline is most demanded in a year. But this year, many gas stations raised the price of gasoline by 6 yen per liter due to the surge of crude oil prices. Drivers seem to be forced not a little extra expenses.

 

添削

 

Usually gasoline stations tend to reduce the price of gasoline to increase sales during the consecutive holidays of in May when the gasoline is most demanded in a year. But this year, many gasoline stations raised the price of gasoline by 6 yen per liter due to the surge of crude oil prices. Drivers seem to be forced to spend not a little extra expenses on their holiday driving1.

 

コメント

 

1.       この説明を入れると、ゴールデンウィーク中にガソリンの需要が多い、ということとつながって内容がわかりやすくなるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Usually gasoline stations tend to reduce the price of gasoline to increase sales during the consecutive holidays in May when gasoline is most demanded in a year. But this year, many gasoline stations raised the price of gasoline by 6 yen per liter due to the surge of crude oil prices. Drivers seem to be forced to spend a little extra expenses on their holiday driving.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(rio, 19 May 06

 

Every year, there is the greatest demand for gasoline at the golden week and gasoline stations tend to reduce the gasoline price to increase the sales. However, oil prices are skyrocketing in this year and many gasoline stations raised the gasoline price by 6 yen par 1 liter. Drivers have to use much money for gasoline.

 

添削

 

Every year, there is the greatest demand for gasoline at during the golden week and gasoline stations tend to reduce the gasoline prices1 to increase the sales2. However, oil prices are skyrocketing in this year and many gasoline stations raised the gasoline prices by 6 yen par 1 liter. Drivers have to use much more money for gasoline.

 

コメント

 

1.       ガソリンスタンドはgasoline stationsですね。和製英語はうっかり英語と思ってしまいますから注意が必要です。ガソリンスタンドは一応は価格競争でそれぞれに値段をつけているので、gasoline pricesがよいでしょう。

 

2.       正確には「ゴールデンウィーク中のガソリンの売上高」ですから、the salesでしょうが、一般的に売り上げを挙げる、increase salesでよいでしょう。

 

私の住むアルバータ州は天然ガス、石油(今では通常の液状の原油より、オイルサンドといって砂の周りに石油が付着したものから分離した原油の生産量が多い)資源が豊富で米国、カナダの他の州に輸出しています。しかし、石油、ガソリンの値段は世界価格です。州内で石油を精製してガソリンにしているので、製油所からガソリンスタンドへの輸送費が安く、その分だけは州内のガソリンは安くなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Every year, there is the greatest demand for gasoline during the golden week and gasoline stations tend to reduce gasoline prices to increase sales. However, oil prices are skyrocketing this year and many gasoline stations raised gasoline prices by 6 yen par 1 liter. Drivers have to use much more money for gasoline.

 

 

初級添削問題 283

 

ダイハツ工業の自動車販売店は「カフェ・プロジェクト」の名で、喫茶店のようにくつろげるサービスを全国650の販売店で開始した。顧客の七割を占める女性に愛される販売店作りが目的で、有名店の洋菓子、チョコレートや10種類に上るドリンク・メニューを用意している販売店もある。

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 20 September 12

 

Daihatu Motor Co.,Ltd. has started a new service called "the cafe project" at their 650 auto dealers nationwide. They created a relaxed and comfortable space to rest like cafe shops at their auto dealers. The service aims for having popularity among women customers who account for 70 percent of the total. Some auto dealers order cakes and chocolates from a famous cake shop, while others prepare more than ten kinds of beverages.

 

添削

 

Daihatu Motor Co.,Ltd. has started a new service called "the cafe project" at their 650 auto dealers nationwide. They created a relaxed and comfortable space to rest like a cafe shops at their auto dealers. The service aims at for making their dealers more1 having popularity among for women customers who account for 70 percent of the total customers. Some auto dealers order cakes and chocolates from a famous cake shop, while others keep prepare more than ten kinds of beverages at their café shops.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       このように言い換えたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Daihatu Motor Co.,Ltd. has started a new service called "the cafe project" at their 650 auto dealers nationwide. They created a relaxed and comfortable space like a cafe shop at their auto dealers. The service aims at making their dealers more popular for women who account for 70 percent of the total customers. Some auto dealers order cakes and chocolates from a famous cake shop, while others keep more than ten kinds of beverages at their café shops.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(mxtomi, 13 July 10

 

Daihatsu Motor Co., Ltd. has implemented a new service entitled the “Cafe Project” at its 650 dealerships nationwide. The project aims at winning the favor of female customers who account for 70% of their total customers by providing cafe-like services at each dealer shop to make visiting customers comfortable. Some shops come up with menus filled with a wide variety of snacks and beverages, from brand cakes and chocolates to more than 10 types of soft drinks.

 

添削

 

Daihatsu Motor Co., Ltd. has implemented a new service entitled the “Cafe Project” at its 650 dealerships nationwide. The project aims at winning the favor of female customers who account for 70% of their total customers by providing cafe-like services at each dealer shop to make visiting customers comfortable. Some shops come up with menus filled with a wide variety of snacks and beverages, such as1 from brand cakes and chocolates from famous stores and to more than 10 types of soft drinks.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       種類の違うものが混じっているのでsuch as ~のほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Daihatsu Motor Co., Ltd. has implemented a new service entitled the “Cafe Project” at its 650 dealerships nationwide. The project aims at winning the favor of female customers who account for 70% of their total customers by providing cafe-like services at each dealer shop to make visiting customers comfortable. Some shops come up with menus filled with a wide variety of snacks and beverages such as cake and chocolate from famous stores and  more than 10 types of soft drink.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(岩ちゃん、23 November 07

 

Auto dealerships under the control of Daihatsu Motor Co., Ltd. started 650 dealerships throughout the nation which are comfortable like a coffee shop. This is called "cafe project". The dealerships intend to build a shop loved by 70 % of women of customers. Some dealerships sell over 10 kinds of drinks, and sweets and chocolates of well-known shops.

 

添削

 

Auto dealerships under the control of Daihatsu Motor Co., Ltd.1 started a new program called “Project Café” at its 650 dealerships throughout the nation. Project Café prepares a special corner in the showroom2 which is are comfortable like a coffee shop. This is called "cafe project". Daihatsu The dealerships intends to build a shop that could be loved by female customers who now account for 70 % of their women of customers3. Some dealerships sell provide customers with over 10 kinds of drinks, and sweets and chocolates of from well-known shops.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、わからない部分があります。

 

1.       これはダイハツ工業の始めたプロジェクトなので、ダイハツ工業を主語にします。

 

2.       多分、ショウルームの一部をこのようなものにするのでしょう。

 

3.       The dealerships intend to build a shop loved by 70 % of women of customers.は意味がわかりません。by 70% of women customersとすれば意味はわかりますが、日本文の内容と異なります。添削のように説明するとよいでしょう。

 

4.       「ドリンク・メニューを用意している販売店もある」は多分無料で客に出す、のではないでしょうか。女性客でないとだめなのでしょうか?

 

添削後の文章

 

Daihatsu Motor Co., Ltd. started a new program called “Project Café” at its 650 dealerships throughout the nation. Project Café prepares a special corner in the showroom which is  comfortable like a coffee shop. Daihatsu intends to build a shop that could be loved by female customers who now account for 70 % of their customers. Some dealerships provide customers with over 10 kinds of drinks, and sweets and chocolates from well-known shops.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(さくら、24 May 06

 

Six hundred and fifty automobile retailers of Daihatsu, a Japanese automaker, started a new nationwide service called “Cafe Project”. Each retailer provides customers with a place to rest as a cafe in the shop. The aim of this service is to make a favorable retail shop to women who account 70 percent of the customers. Some retailers prepare cake and chocolate of famous shops and a drink menu with more than ten varieties.

 

添削

 

Six hundred and fifty automobile retailers dealerships of Daihatsu, a Japanese automaker, started a new nationwide service called the “Cafe Project”. Each retailer dealership provides customers with a café-like place to rest as a cafe in the shopshowroom. The aim of tThis project is aimed at1 service is to makemaking the showroom more attractive2 a favorable retail shop to women who account for 70 percent of the customers. Some retailers dealerships prepare cake and chocolate of from famous shops and a drink menu with more than ten varieties.

 

コメント

 

1.       The aim of this project is ~aimを動詞化して、This project is aimed at ~とすると文に動きがあってわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       to make a favorable shop to womenとするとa favorable shopwomenの関係が分かれてしまうので、a favorable shopfavorableの対象がわかりません。to make the showroom favorable to womenとすると、女性に特別な好意を示す店(女性が得をする店)になります。男性客も店に来てくれればけっこうなことなので、make the showroom more attractive to womenとしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Six hundred and fifty automobile dealerships of Daihatsu, a Japanese automaker, started a new nationwide service called the “Cafe Project”. Each dealership provides customers with a café-like place to rest in the showroom. This project is aimed at making the showroom more attractive to women who account for 70 percent of the customers. Some dealerships prepare cake and chocolate from famous shops and a drink menu with more than ten varieties.

 

 

初級添削問題 284

 

私は職業柄、毎日若い人と接しているが、若い人は親や友人関係、進路なで悩んでいる。私はなるべくやさしい言葉と笑顔で接しようと心がけている。すると不思議なことに、若い人からもやさしい反応と笑顔が返ってくる。

 

読者からの投稿 7(Lucca, 20 September 12

 

I often talk with many young people every day on my job. I realize that most of the young people are worried about relationships with their parents and friends, and their future. I am trying to choose kind words and talk to them with a smile as many as I can. Strange to say, they also show me a polite attitude with a smile.

 

添削

 

I often talk with many young people every day on my job. I realize that most of the young people are worried about relationships with their parents and friends, and their future. I am trying to choose kind words and to talk to them and with a smile as many times as I can. Strange to say, but they respond to me also showing me also a polite attitude with a smile.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。添削は文章を読みやすくしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

I often talk with many young people every day on my job. I realize that most young people are worried about relationships with their parents and friends, and their future. I am trying to choose kind words to talk to them and smile as many times as I can. Strange to say, but they respond to me showing me also a polite attitude with a smile.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 13 July 10

 

I meet many young people every day from my profession and I am well aware that quite a few of them are worrying about their relationships with their parents and/or friends and career options. I make it a point to talk to them with a gentle word and a smile as much as I can. Then, surprisingly, I usually get a friendly response with a smile in return.

 

添削

 

I meet many young people every day from on my job profession and I am well aware that many quite a few of them are worrying about their relationships with their parents and/or friends, and their career options. I try make it a point to talk to them with a gentle words and a smile as much as I can. Then, surprisingly1, I usually get a friendly response with a smile in return.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「すると不思議なことに」は「(若い人は他人と話すときは無愛想なのが普通だが)すると不思議なことに」ということが含まれているので、不思議なのでしょう。この事情がわからない読に者には、surprisinglyは「何故?」という疑問があるしょうが、この補足説明を入れると長い文章になるので、このままにしておきましょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

I meet many young people every day on my job and am well aware that many of them are worrying about their relationships with their parents and friends, and their career options. I try to talk to them with gentle words and a smile as much as I can. Then, surprisingly, I usually get a friendly response with a smile in return.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、24 November 07

 

I meet young people for business everyday. Young people are being worried about their future course and a human relation with their parents and friends. I try to use simple words as much as possible and to talk with them with a smile. Strangely, I necessarily get their gentle response and smiles from young people.

 

添削

 

I meet young people for business everyday in my job1. Young people are being worried about their future course and a human their relationships with their parents and friends. I try to use simple words as much as possible and to talk with to them with a smile. StrangelyThen2, I necessarily always get their gentle responses and smiles from young people.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       for business とすると「商売のために」という感じになります。学校の先生のように日常若い人に接している人には in my jobのほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       「すると不思議なことに、若い人からもやさしい反応と笑顔が返ってくる。」の内容は、これだけでは良くわかりませんね。若い人に(年配者)が話しかけても、一般的にぶっきらぼうな反応しか期待できない、というように書き手が思っているのでしょうか。ここでは一般的に「すると」then にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

I meet young people business everyday in my job. Young people are worried about their future and their relationships with their parents and friends. I try to use simple words as much as possible and to talk to them with a smile. Then, I always get their gentle responses and smiles.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Keicoco, 6 September 06

 

I talk with young people on my job every day and they are facing the problems, such as the relationships with their parents or friends and their career plans. I always try hard to talk to them with better words and a better smile. Then, curiously, I can receive their favorable responses and tender smiles too.

 

添削

 

I talk with young people on my job every day and realize that1 they are facing the problems, such as the relationships with their parents or friends and their career plans. I always try hard to talk to them with better kind words and a better smile. Then, curiously to my surprise2, I can receive, in turn, their favorable responses and tender smiles too3.

 

コメント

 

1.       日本文では「私は職業柄、毎日若い人と接している、若い人は親や友人関係、進路なで悩んでいる。」の前半と後半がどのような因果関係で結ばれているのかはっきりしませんね。日本語の「てにをは」は融通性がありすぎて因果関係が曖昧になりがちです。ここでは「毎日若い人に接しているので、わたしは彼らの悩みを良く知っている。」にしました。文章の後半は、書き手がこれらの若い人の悩み事の相談に乗ることもあって、そのときの話なのでしょう。

 

2.       「すると不思議なことに」は「若い人は言葉や態度が乱暴だと思っていたのだが、これは私の誤解であって、驚いたことには」という気持ちではないでしょうか。curiouslyとすると、若い人を不思議な生物のように観察している、という感じになります(本当はこっちのほうかも知れません)。

 

3.       ここのところはThen, to my surprise, they respond to me in the same way.というようにtheyを主語にすると、I talk to them. They respond to me. という形になってわかりやすくなるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

I talk with young people on my job every day and realize that they are facing the problems, such as the relationships with their parents or friends and their career plans. I always try hard to talk to them with kind words and a smile. Then, to my surprise, I can receive, in turn, their favorable responses and tender smiles.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、30 June 06

 

I mingle with young people every day by profession and find that they are worried about problems related to parents, friends and their future plans. I try to use as plain words as possible with a smile on my face while in contact with them. Curiously enough, they also respond to me softly with a smile on their face.

 

添削

 

I mingle have contact1 with young people every day on my job by profession and find that they are worried about problems related to parents, friends and their future plans. I try to use talk with them as friendly2 plain words as possible with a smile on my face while in contact with them. Curiously enough3, they also respond to me softly with a smile on their face.

 

コメント

 

1.       mingleはパーティーなどで人の間を往来して話を交わすような動作をいいますね。mingleon profession がしっくりと続きません。仕事場で若い人と接する、ぐらいの関係ではないでしょうか。こういう所の解釈がはっきりしないのが口語文の難しい原因です。

 

2.       「なるべく易しい言葉」ではなくて、「なるべく優しい言葉」ではないかと思いますが、どうでしょうか?

3.       「すると不思議なことに」もどういう心理状態なのかいろいろと解釈に幅があるいいかたですね。「なるほど、若い人も優しい態度が取れることもあるのか、これは面白い発見だ」という感じがcurious enough にはありますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

I have contact with young people every day on my job and find that they are worried about problems related to parents, friends and their future plans. I try to talk with them as friendly as possible with a smile on my face while in contact with them. Curiously enough, they also respond to me softly with a smile on their face.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、27 May 06

 

I have opportunities to talk with young people on my job. They worry about the relationship with their parents and friends and how to live in the future. I always try to talk to them with smile and kind words. If I do so, they also replay with smile and tender manners.

 

添削

 

I have opportunities to talk with young people on my job. They worry about the relationships with their parents and friends and how to live in the future. I always try to talk to them with a smile and kind words. If I do so, they also replay respond to me with a smile and in a tender1 manners.

 

コメント

 

1.       とてもわかりやすい英文ですね。平明な構文と日常よく使われる言葉を組合すことによってわかりやすくなっています。わかりやすい文章と幼稚な文な文章は違います。わかりやすい文章は平明な構文と言葉をつかっていますが、内容を良く考えて文章を論理的に組み立てています。

 

Someone or something that is tender expresses gentle and caring feelings.Collins COBUILDは説明しています。日本語の「優しさ」とよく対応しているようです。

 

添削後の文章

 

I have opportunities to talk with young people on my job. They worry about the relationships with their parents and friends and how to live in the future. I always try to talk to them with a smile and kind words. If I do so, they also respond to me with a smile in a tender manner.

 


読者からの投稿 1(rio, 19 May 06

 

Because of my job, I meet young persons every day and young persons worry about the relationship with their parents and their friends, and their course in life. I pay attention to attend to young persons with words and a smile as gentle as I possible. I don't know why, but young persons also attend to me with gentle words and a smile.

 

添削

 

Because of my job, I meet young persons every day and I realize1 young persons worry about the relationship with their parents and their friends, and their course in life. So, I pay attention to attend to young persons2 with words and a smile as gentle as I possible. Then, to my surprise I don't know why, but3 young persons also attend respond to me with gentle words and a smile.

 

コメント

 

1.       このような口語体で日常の出来事を書いた文章を英文で表現しようとすると、新聞記事のような事件や物事を記述した文章より難しいですね。この日本文を書いた本人しかわからないような状況が文章の中に書いてないのが原因です。この添削講座では、大体こんなような内容の文章を英文で表現したいので、日本文に欠けているいるところは適当に具体的に補って英文で表現する、という方法がよいでしょう。rioさんはこの日本文を書いた人が毎日若い人達を相手にしたカンセラーのような仕事をしていると想定しています。文章の全般と関連付けるためにI realizeを入れるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       The staff will attend to your needs right away. The first thing to do is to attend to the injured.の用例のようにattend to someoneは、誰かの世話をする、手当てをする、という意味ですから、単にwhen I talk to young personsよりは関係の深い人と接していることになりますね。

 

3.       「若い人達は応答がぶっきらぼうなので、丁寧な応答が返ってくることは期待していなかったのだが、驚いたことに」ということなのでしょうから、I don’t know whyよりto my surpriseがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Because of my job, I meet young persons every day and I realize young persons worry about the relationship with their parents and their friends, and their course in life. So, I pay attention to attend to young persons with words and a smile as gentle as I possible. Then, to my surprise young persons respond to me with gentle words and a smile.

 

 

初級添削問題 285

 

ゴールデンウィークの行楽には、近くのどこにでもある郊外に出かけるのが一番です。高齢者や小学生でも行けます。大空のもと視界が広く、心地よい風がほおをなでます。人や車が少なく静かです。また目に良いといわれる自然の緑もたくさんあります。

 

読者からの投稿 7(Lucca, 21 September 12

 

In my view, the best place to go out for golden week holidays is a suburb near my house. Elderly people and children can easily go there with me. I can see a vast nature and feel a gentle breeze on my face under a blue sky. There are few people and cars. Moreover, there are much green that is good for your eyes.

 

添削

 

In my view, the best place to go out for golden week holidays is a suburb near my house. Elderly people and children can easily go there with me. I can see a vast nature and feel a gentle breeze on my face under a blue sky. There are few people and cars. Moreover, there are is a natural much colour of green everywhere that is good for your eyes.

 

コメント

 

There is green that is good for your eyes.の意味が英語圏の読者に理解できるかどうか、私にはわかりません。日本語圏の読者なら日本語の表現から推測できますが。添削ではa natural colour of greenとしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

In my view, the best place to go out for golden week holidays is a suburb near my house. Elderly people and children can easily go there with me. I can see vast nature and feel a gentle breeze on my face under a blue sky. There are few people and cars. Moreover, there is a natural colour of green everywhere that is good for your eyes.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 13 July 10

 

The best holiday-making during the Golden Week holidays is to go for an outing to any suburbs nearby. Elderly citizens and primary schoolers as well can join with ease.  There, you can enjoy all-round view under the blue sky while feeling the gentle breeze on your face. You feel tranquility as you see very few people and cars. Additionally, there is plenty of natural greenery which helps you maintain good eyesight.

 

添削

 

The best holiday-making during the Golden Week holidays is to go for an outing to any suburbs nearby. Elderly citizens and primary schoolers school children as well can easily join with the outing ease.  There, you can enjoy a wide all-round view of nature under the blue sky while feeling the a gentle breeze on your face. You feel tranquility as you see very few people and cars. Additionally, there is plenty of natural greenery which helps you maintain your good eyesight.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The best holiday-making during the Golden Week holidays is to go for an outing to any suburb nearby. Elderly citizens and primary school children can easily join the outing .  There, you can enjoy a wide view of nature under the blue sky while feeling a gentle breeze on your face. You feel tranquility as you see very few people and cars. Additionally, there is plenty of natural greenery which helps you maintain your good eyesight.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、25 November 07

 

If we want to go somewhere for the Golden Week holiday, I think that it is best to go out to the suburbs. Even elderly people and primary school students can easily go there. A spacious scenery spreads out and comfortable breeze brushes our cheek gently in the suburbs. Things are quiet as people and cars are few. There are a lot of natural green that are good for our eyes.

 

添削

 

If we want to go somewhere for the Golden Week holiday holidays, I think that it is best to go out to the suburbs. Even elderly people and primary school students can easily go there. A spacious scenery spreads out and the comfortable breeze gently brushes our cheeks gently in the suburbs. Things are quiet as people and cars are few. There are a lot of natural green that are good for our eyes.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。

 

添削後の文章

 

If we want to go somewhere for Golden Week holidays, I think it best to go out to the suburbs. Even elderly people and primary school students can easily go there. A spacious scenery spreads out and the comfortable breeze gently brushes our cheeks in the suburbs. Things are quiet as people and cars are few. There are a lot of natural green that are good for our eyes.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Keicoco, 5 September 06

 

The best place to go out for Golden Week holidays is any suburban area in your neighborhood. Even elderly people or small children can go. Under the open sky, you will have a wonderful view and feel a gentle breeze brushing your cheeks. There will be few people or cars, so it is quiet. You can also enjoy fresh green grass and leaves for the benefits of your eyesight.

 

添削

 

The best place to go out for Golden Week holidays is any suburban area in your neighborhood. Even elderly people or and small children can go. Under the open sky, you will have a wonderful view and feel a gentle breeze brushing your cheeks. There will be few people or cars, so it is so quiet. You can also enjoy fresh green grass and leaves for the benefits of your eyesight.

 

コメント

 

郊外に出かけることの良さを述べた感想文ですが、英文で表現しようとすると報告文とは違った難しさがありますね。「大空のもと視界が広く、心地よい風がほおをなでます。」はごく自然な日本文ですが、これを(主語+動詞+目的語)という英文の基本形で表現するには日本文をこの形になるように言い換える必要があります。KeicocoさんはUnder the open sky, you will have a wonderful view and feel a gentle breeze brushing your cheeks.として日本文の気持ちも表現しています。

 

添削後の文章

 

The best place to go out for Golden Week holidays is any suburban area in your neighborhood. Even elderly people and small children can go. Under the open sky, you will have a wonderful view and feel a gentle breeze brushing your cheeks. There will be few people or cars, so it is so quiet. You can also enjoy fresh green grass and leaves for the benefits of your eyesight.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、1 July 06

 

It is best to go to any suburban area in your neighborhood when going out during Golden Week holidays. Even old people and primary school kids can go. Under the blue, open sky, you can see far in the distance in every direction and feel cozy wind touching your cheeks.  Less people and cars create quiet atmosphere. There is also plenty of greenery of nature that is said to be good for your eyes.

 

添削

 

It is best to go to any suburban area in your neighborhood when going out during Golden Week holidays. Even old people and primary school kids can go. Under the blue, open sky, you can see far in the distance in every direction and feel a cozy wind touching your cheeks.  Less Few1 people and cars create quiet atmosphere. There is also plenty of greenery of nature that is said to be good for your eyes.

 

コメント

 

1.       日本文の感じを映した柔らかな読みやすい英文ですね。lessというと暗黙に比較されている都会の雑踏を思い浮かべて、lessといってもけっこう人も車も通るのだろう、と意地悪く推測する人が(ここに)います。fewにしたら如何なものでしょうか?

 

添削後の文章

 

It is best to go to any suburban area in your neighborhood when going out during Golden Week holidays. Even old people and primary school kids can go. Under the blue, open sky, you can see far in the distance in every direction and feel a cozy wind touching your cheeks.  Few people and cars create quiet atmosphere. There is also plenty of greenery of nature that is said to be good for your eyes.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、27 May 06

 

The best way to spend the consecutive holidays in May is to go to suburbs of your town. It is easy to go to such a close place not only for young people but also for elder people and small children. You will feel a lovely breeze under the blue sky with enjoying an opened landscape. You will enjoy peace because there will not be a lot of people and cars. You can rest your eyes by watching green trees that are said to heal eye’s strain.

 

添削

 

The best way to spend the consecutive holidays in May is to go to any suburbs of near1 your town. It is easy to go to such a close place not only for young people but also for elder people and small children. You will feel a lovely breeze under the blue sky and enjoy with enjoying an opened landscape. You will also enjoy peace because there will not be a lot of people and or cars. You can rest your eyes by watching green grass and leaves2 trees that are said to heal eye’s strain3.

 

コメント

 

1.       大都市に住んでいるとちょいと郊外に行くといっても、ずいぶん長く電車に乗らないと行けなくなりましたね。私はエドモントン(人口90万)の町に隣接したセイント・アルバート(人口5万)という町に住んでいますが、車で5分走ると小麦畑と点在する松とポプラの森の景色になります。今はちょうど新緑の季節で目を癒されますが、一年のうち五ヶ月近くは白い冬景色です。冬の間、色の付いているものは交通信号だけだ、だから皆カラーテレビを見る、という冗談とも本当ともつかぬ話があります。

 

2.       日本語では緑の樹木、緑の草木、ですが英語ではgreen grass and leavesという表現があります。leavesというところが面白いですね。

 

3.       文の前半の説明だけでよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The best way to spend the consecutive holidays in May is to go to any suburb near your town. It is easy to go to such a close place not only for young people but also for elder people and small children. You will feel a lovely breeze under the blue sky and enjoy an open landscape. You will also enjoy peace because there will not be a lot of people or cars. You can rest your eyes by watching green grass and leaves.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(rio, 23 May 06

 

It is a best choice to go to a common and near suburb for an outing during the golden week. Even seniors or elementary school students can go there. We have a wonderful view under the great sky and the pleasant breeze touch our cheek softly. There are few people and few cars so it is calm. Furthermore there are much of natural verdure, it is said that natural verdure is good for our eyes.

 

添削

 

It is a the best choice to go to a common and nearby suburb for an outing during the gGolden wWeek1. Even seniors or and elementary school students can join such outings2 go there. We have a wonderful view under the great sky3 and the pleasant breeze touchtouches our cheeks softly. There are very few people and few cars, so it is calm quiet. Furthermore there are much lots of green4 natural verdure, and it that is said to be that natural verdure is good for our eyes.

 

添削

 

1.       ゴールデンウィークは日本独自なので大文字にするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       前の文にoutingが出てくるので、ここではthese outingsとすると、文章のないようにつながりができます。

 

3.       「大空のもと視界が広く」をWe have a wonderful view under the great skyと表現したのがわかりやすくてよいですね。

 

4.       「たくさんの緑(草木の緑)」はlots of greenという簡単な表現があります。

 

添削後の文章

 

It is the best choice to go to a nearby suburb for an outing during the Golden Week. Even seniors and elementary school students can join such outings. We have a wonderful view under the great sky and the pleasant breeze touches our cheeks softly. There are very few people and cars, so it is quiet. Furthermore there are lots of green and that is said to be  good for our eyes.

 

 

初級添削問題 286

 

母が一人で風呂に入れなくなったので私が一緒に入って体を洗ってあげている。ずいぶん細くなった母の体を見ながら、この体から私が生まれてきたのだ、この垂れ下がってしまった乳房を吸って大きくなったのだ、という感慨が湧いてきた。

 

読者からの投稿 7(Lucca, 21 September 12

 

My old mother cannot take a bath by herself any more. I began to help for my mother to wash her body. Looking at her very thin body, I just cannot keep from thinking that I was born from this woman and was growing up on sucking at her sagging breasts.

 

添削

 

My old mother cannot take a bath by herself any more. I began to help for her my mother to wash her body. Looking at her very thin body, I just cannot could not help1 keep from thinking that I was born from this body woman and grew was growing up on sucking at her sagging breasts.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       I began…とあるので、ここも過去形にします。過去形の形の話でよいでしょう。I cannot help ~ing…が一般的な表現です。

 

添削後の文章

 

My old mother cannot take a bath by herself any more. I began to help her to wash her body. Looking at her very thin body, I just could not help thinking that I was born from this body  and grew up sucking her sagging breasts.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 15 July 10

 

I take a bath with my mother to help her wash her body these days, as she became unable to do so by herself any longer. Looking at her thin body, I often feel some nostalgia that I came out of this body and grew up sucking up these sagging breasts.

 

添削

 

I take a bath with my mother to help her wash her body these days, as she became has become unable to do so by herself any longer. Looking at her thin body, I often can’t help feeling1 some nostalgia that I came out of this body and grew up sucking up these sagging breasts.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       このほうが強い表現になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

I take a bath with my mother to help her wash her body these days, as she has become unable to do so by herself any longer. Looking at her thin body, I can’t help feeling that I came out of this body and grew up sucking up these sagging breasts.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、26 November 07

 

As my mother cannot take a bath alone, I take a bath with her to wash her body. When I saw her thin body, I thought that I was born from her body and grew up, sucking sagging breasts. Then, I experienced a new emotion.

 

添削

 

As my mother cannot take a bath alone, I take a bath with her to wash her body. When I saw see1 her thin body, I thought cannot help thinking with emotion that I was born from her this body and grew up, sucking her now sagging breasts. Then, I experienced a new emotion.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       現在もしていることなので現在形がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

As my mother cannot take a bath alone, I take a bath with her to wash her body. When I see her thin body, I cannot help thinking with emotion that I was born from this body and grew up sucking her now sagging breasts.

 

読者からの投稿 4(Keicoco, 3 September 06

 

In the bathroom, I was washing my mother’s body because my mother became unable to take a bath by herself nowadays. While looking at her thin body, I was overcome by deep emotion. “This body gave me to the world. These sagging breasts fed me and made me who I am now” I thought with mixed feelings.

 

添削

 

In the bathroom, I was washing my mother’s body because my mother became unable to take a bath by herself nowadays. While looking at her thin body, I was overcome by deep emotion. “This body gave me to the world. These sagging breasts fed me and made me who I am now.1I thought with mixed feelings2.

 

コメント

 

1.       These sagging breasts fed me ~と主語をbreastsにしたので文に力がありますね。また(these breasts) made me what I amという表現がわかりやすくてよいですね。

 

2.       mixed feelingsはいろいろな気持ちが入り混じっているときの表現ですが、この練習問題の場合、どんな気持ちが入り混じっているか具体的でないので、無くてよいでしょう。I was overcome by deep emotion.で十分だと思います。

 

添削後の文章

 

In the bathroom, I was washing my mother’s body because my mother became unable to take a bath by herself nowadays. While looking at her thin body, I was overcome by deep emotion. “This body gave me to the world. These sagging breasts fed me and made me who I am now.”

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、7 July 06

 

My mother is no longer strong enough to take a bath for herself due to aging, so I join her to help wash her body. Looking at her body that really wasted away, I began to feel afresh that I had come into the world out of the body and grown up, sucking those sagging breasts.

 

添削

 

My mother is getting older1 and no longer strong enough to take a bath for herself due to aging, so I join her to help wash her body. Looking at her body that had really been wasted away2, I began to feel afresh that I had come into the world out of the this body and grown up, sucking those sagging breasts.

 

コメント

 

1.       ここに入れたほうが論理の流れが自然でわかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       be wasted awayは厳しい表現ですが、子育てや家族の世話の激務で痩せた、と解釈すればよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

My mother is getting older and no longer strong enough to take a bath for herself , so I join her to wash her body. Looking at her body that had really been wasted away, I began to feel afresh that I had come into the world out of this body and grown up sucking those sagging breasts.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、30 May 06

 

My mother no longer can take a bath by herself. So, I take a bath together and wash her body. Her thin body deeply moves me. It is her that gave me my life and it is these shriveled breasts that brought up me and made what I am now.

 

添削

 

My mother no longer can take a bath by herself. So, I take a bath together and wash her body. Her thin body deeply moves me1. It is her this body2 that gave me my life and it is these shriveled breasts that brought fed up me and made me what I am now.

 

コメント

 

1.       日本語の内容を英文で再構成しているのでわかりやすいですね。「という感慨が湧いてきた。」をHer thin body deeply moves me.と独立の文にしたのが、とても効果的です。

 

2.       ここはやはり具体的にher bodyとするほうが状況にあっているでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

My mother no longer can take a bath by herself. So, I take a bath together and wash her body. Her thin body deeply moves me. It is this body that gave me my life and it is these shriveled breasts that fed me and made me what I am now.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(rio, 23 May 06

 

My mother become unable to have a bath by herself, so I go in the bathroom with her and I wash her body. I look at her skinny body, it occurs me a deep emotion like I was born from this body and I became big with sucking on my mother breast which droops now.

 

添削

 

My mother become is no longer unable to have a bath by herself, so I go in the bathroom with her and I wash her body. She has lost quite a bit of weight1. I lLooking at her skinny body2, I cannot help thinking with it occurs me a deep emotion like that I was born from this body and I became big with sucking on my mother these3 breasts which are droopings4 now.

 

1.       「ずいぶん細くなった母の体をみながら」は、「(若いときにはもっとしっかりと肉のついた体をしていたのに、今ではずいぶんと痩せてしまった)母の体をみながら」という意味があるので、She has lost quite a bit of weight.と入れるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       I look at her skinny body, it occurs ~とすると二つの文がつながりませんね。Every time I look at her skinny body, it occurs to me with emotion that ~とするか、添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

 

3.       母の体を洗いながらの感慨なのでthese breastsとすると具体的になります。

 

4.       Pale wilting roses drooped from a blue vase. のようにdroopは何かが垂れ下がっている状態をいいます。垂れ下がった乳房にもdroopを使います。よくご存知ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

My mother is no longer able to have a bath by herself, so I go in the bathroom with her and wash her body. She has lost quite a bit of weight. Looking at her skinny body, I cannot help thinking with deep emotion that I was born from this body and I became big sucking these breasts which are drooping now.

 

 

初級添削問題 287

 

日本人には英語のLRの聞き取りが難しい。しかし、最近の研究によれば日本人だけでなく成人は一般に外国語の特定の子音の判別が難しいことがわかってきた。六ヶ月未満の赤ん坊は母国語と非母国語の子音の区別が出来るが、一歳ごろになると母国語の制約を受け始め、知覚の仕方が母国語的になっていく。そして母国語にない子音の判別も困難になっていく、ということもわかってきた。

 

読者からの投稿 8(Lucca, 10 October 12

 

Japanese people have difficulty in listening distinguishing between L and R in English. However, the recent language research shows that generally, it is difficult for not only Japanese but also adults to understand the difference in specific consonants of foreign languages. Babies under six months have an ability to distinguish all consonants regardless of mother tongues or non-mother tongues. When babies reach around one year old, they begin to express their emotions using the sound of the mother tongue under the circumstance of a mother tongue. They gradually lose their ability to distinguish consonants which are not in their mother tongues.

 

添削

 

Japanese people have difficulty in listening distinguishing between L and R in spoken English. However, the a recent language research shows that generally, it is difficult for not only for Japanese but also for adults in general to distinguish understand the difference in specific consonants of foreign languages. Babies under six months have an ability to distinguish all consonants regardless of their mother tongues and or non-mother tongues. When babies reach around one year old, they begin to be influenced by express their emotions using the sound of the mother tongues and perceive spoken words of non-mother tongues in their own mother tongues under the circumstance of a mother tongue. Then, Tthey gradually lose their ability to distinguish consonants which are not in their mother tongues.

 

コメント

 

内容の大部分がわかりますが、they begin to express their emotions using the sound of the mother tongue under the circumstance of a mother tongue.「一歳ごろになると母国語の制約を受け始め、知覚の仕方が母国語的になっていく。」は「一歳ごろになると脳の言語機能が母国語に特化して成長してくるために、非母国語の音声はこの母国語の音声認識機能の影響をうけて、この母国語認識システムの中で認識されるようになる。」ということだと思います。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japanese people have difficulty in distinguishing between L and R in spoken English. However, a recent language research shows that it is difficult not only for Japanese but also for adults in general to distinguish the difference in specific consonants of foreign languages. Babies under six months have an ability to distinguish all consonants of their mother tongues and non-mother tongues. When babies reach around one year old, they begin to be influenced by their mother tongues and perceive spoken words of non-mother tongues in their own mother tongues. Then, they gradually lose their ability to distinguish consonants which are not in their mother tongues.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(OKEN, 28 July 12

 

It is difficult for Japanese people to distinguish a pronunciation between L and R. However, recent studies have shown the following results. Generally speaking, not only Japanese people but also adults overseas have difficulty in distinguishing some specific consonants in foreign languages. Babies less than six months can distinguish consonants irrespective of their mother language or not. But, when they grow up to be around one year old, their perception of language is harmonized with that of the mother language due to its influence. Then, they can not distinguish consonants which are not in their mother language.

 

添削

 

It is difficult for Japanese people to distinguish a pronunciation between L and R. However, recent studies have shown the following results. Generally speaking, not only Japanese people but also adults overseas have difficulty in distinguishing some specific consonants in foreign languages. Babies less than six months old can distinguish consonants irrespective of their mother tongues1 language or not. But, when they grow up to be around one year old, their perception of language is harmonized with that of their mother tongues language due to their its influences. Then, they can no longer not distinguish consonants which are not in their mother tongues language.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。

 

1.       生まれて最初に母親からならう言葉、母語、a mother tongueとしたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

It is difficult for Japanese people to distinguish a pronunciation between L and R. However, recent studies have shown the following results. Generally speaking, not only Japanese people but also adults overseas have difficulty in distinguishing some specific consonants in foreign languages. Babies less than six months old can distinguish consonants irrespective of their mother tongues. But when they grow up to be around one year old, their perception of language is harmonized with that of their mother tongues due to their influences. Then, they can no longer distinguish consonants which are not in their mother tongues.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 15 July 10

 

Japanese people have difficulties discriminating L from R sound in English when they are spoken. Recent study, however, indicates that adults in general as well as Japanese adults are poor at discerning some specific consonants of foreign languages. The study also revealed that babies under six months can discriminate consonants of their native tongue from those of foreign ones, but when they approach the age of one they start to be constrained by their native tongue and to perceive new words in that context. Thus, they become unable to discern consonants non-existent in their native tongue over time.

 

添削

 

Japanese people have difficultiesy discriminating between the L and from R sound in English when they are spoken. A Rrecent study, however, indicates that adults all over the world in general as well as Japanese adults are poor at discerning some specific consonants of foreign languages. The study has also revealed that babies under six months old can discriminate between the consonants of their native tongue and from those of foreign ones., Bbut when they approach the age of one, they start to be constrained by their native tongue and to perceive new words in that context. Thus, they become unable to discern consonants that do not exist non-existent in their native tongue over time.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       動詞が入るので、このほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japanese people have difficulty discriminating between the L and R sound in English when they are spoken. A recent study, however, indicates that adults all over the world in general  are poor at discerning some specific consonants of foreign languages. The study has also revealed that babies under six months old can discriminate between the consonants of their native tongue and those of foreign ones. But when they approach the age of one, they start to be constrained by their native tongue and perceive new words in that context. Thus, they become unable to discern consonants that do not exist in their native tongue over time.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、27 November 07

 

Japanese are difficult to hear L and R in English. A recent research showed that it is generally difficult for not only Japanese but any adults to discriminate specific consonants in foreign languages. Babies of less than six months can discriminate consonants of nonmother tongue from that of mother tongue. But when babies become around one, they are subjected to various restraints by mother tongue and come to listen to only mother tongue. It becomes difficult for babies to hear consonants that do not exist in mother tongue.

 

添削

 

Japanese people have difficulty distinguishing are difficult to hear L and R in English when they hear them. A recent research showed that it is generally difficult for not only Japanese but any adults to discriminate distinguish specific consonants in foreign languages. Babies of less younger than six months old can discriminate distinguish consonants of non-mother tongues from that those of their mother tongue. But when babies become around one, they are subjected to various restraints by their mother tongue and as they keep come to listening only to only their own mother tongue. Then, Iit becomes difficult for babies to hear consonants that do not exist in their mother tongue.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、Japanese are difficult to hear L and R in English.がわかりません。Japanese are difficult. 日本は難しい、で文が完結してしまいますから、この後とはつながりません。添削のように説明するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japanese people have difficulty distinguishing L and R in English when they hear them. A recent research showed that it is generally difficult for not only Japanese but any adults to distinguish specific consonants in foreign languages. Babies of younger than six months old can distinguish consonants of non-mother tongues from those of their mother tongue. But when babies become around one, they are subject to various restraints by their mother tongue as they keep listening only to their own mother tongue. Then, it becomes difficult for babies to hear consonants that do not exist in their mother tongue.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Kalo, 8 March 07

 

In general, Japanese people have difficulty differentiating the two English consonants - /l/ and /r/. But adult speakers, regardless of their native language, also find it difficult to differentiate certain consonants of foreign languages, according to a recent study. The study says this is because native languages influence the perception of languages at an early stage of babyhood as follows:

 

1.  Infants aged 6 months and under can tell consonants of their native languages from those of foreign languages,

2.  But when infants turn 12 months or so, their first languages start cont rolling their way of perceiving languages, and

3.  Later, Infants come to lose the ability to distinguish consonants that their native languages don't have.

 

添削

 

In general, Japanese people have difficulty in differentiating the1 two English consonants - /l/ and /r/2. But aAdult speakers in general3, regardless of their native language4, also find it difficult to differentiate certain consonants of foreign languages, according to a recent study. The study says this is because a native languages5 influences the perception of languages consonants6 at an early stage of babyhood as follows:

 

1.  Infants aged 6 months and under can tell consonants of their native languages from those of foreign languages,

2.  But when infants turn 12 months or so, their first languages start controlling their the way of perceiving languages consonants, and

3.  Later, Infants come to lose the ability to distinguish consonants that are not in their native languages7 don't have.

 

コメント

 

1.       初めて文章に出てくるので定冠詞は要りません。

 

2.       LRの発音ということで/l/, /r/と表記したのですね。

 

3.       「日本人はLとRの発音の区別が難しい」と「外国人も一般に母語以外の子音の区別が難しい」は内容が順で逆ではありませんね。すると、内容が逆の場合の接続詞butは適当ではありません。ここでin generalを入れるとよいでしょう。

 

4.       native languageは通常は一つでしょうから単数でよいですね。正確にはa native languageはある土地に住む人々の従来の言語ですね。日本のように従来の言語が日本語しかない場合は良いですが、同じ土地に幾つかの従来の言語を使う人達がいるところもあります。a native languagea mother tongueforeign languagesother languagesとすると正確になります。

 

5.       それぞれのnative languageがこのような影響を持つのでしょうから単数にします。

 

6.       a language言語一般よりconsonants子音とするとよいでしょう。

 

7.       いろいろな母語を持つ複数の幼児が主語ですが、ここではそれぞれの母語を持つ幼児を例にとってtheir native languageと単数で代表します。論理的にはtheir native languagesと複数にしたいところですが、こうするとtheir native languagesという句の印象が強いのでそれぞれの幼児が幾つかのnative languagesを持っているという感じになってしまうのでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japanese people have difficulty in differentiating two English consonants - /l/ and /r/. Adult speakers in general, regardless of their native language, find it difficult to differentiate certain consonants of foreign languages, according to a recent study. The study says this is because a native language influences the perception of consonants at an early stage of babyhood as follows:

 

1.  Infants aged 6 months and under can tell consonants of their native language from those of foreign languages,

2.  But when infants turn 12 months or so, their first language start controlling the way of perceiving consonants, and

3.  Later, Infants come to lose the ability to distinguish consonants that are not in their native language.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、11 July 06

 

It is hard for Japanese to aurally distinguish L and R sounds in English. A recent study has revealed, however, that adults of not only Japanese but other nationals generally find it hard to distinguish particular consonants of foreign languages. Babies of six months and younger are able to distinguish consonants between their native languages and non-native ones, but they start being susceptible to control by their native languages at about one year old and come to form language perception based on their native languages. The study has also revealed that it will be more and more difficult for growing babies to distinguish consonants not found in their native languages.

 

添削

 

It is hard for Japanese to aurally distinguish L and R sounds in English. A recent study has revealed, however, that adults of not only Japanese but other nationals native languages1 generally find it hard to distinguish particular consonants of foreign languages. Babies of six months and younger are able to distinguish consonants between their native languages and non-native ones, but they start being susceptible to the control by of their native languages at about one year old and come to form language perception based on their native languages2. The study has also revealed that it will be more and more difficult for growing babies to distinguish consonants not found in their native languages.

 

コメント

 

1.       nationalityと言語は一対一では対応していないので(カナダの公用語は英語とフランス語です)ここでは文章の後半に出てくるnative languagesがよいでしょう。

 

2.       but whey they reach about one year old their native languages start controlling the way they perceive oral languages.とすると文の構造が少し簡単になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

It is hard for Japanese to aurally distinguish L and R sounds in English. A recent study has revealed, however, that adults of not only Japanese but other native languages generally find it hard to distinguish particular consonants of foreign languages. Babies of six months and younger are able to distinguish consonants between their native languages and non-native ones, but they start being susceptible to the control of their native languages at about one year old and come to form language perception based on their native languages. The study has also revealed that it will be more and more difficult for growing babies to distinguish consonants not found in their native languages.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、30 May 06

 

It is difficult for Japanese people to distinguish L sound and R sound in English. But a recent study found that not only Japanese but also other countries people, adults generally did not distinguish well specific consonants of foreign languages. Under six months old babies can recognize consonants in both mother tongue and non-mother tongue, but around one year old, humans start to be influenced by the sounds of mother language and their way to perceive the sounds inclines to their mother language. Then they gradually become not to be able to hear the consonants that do not exist in their mother language.

 

添削

 

It is difficult for Japanese people to distinguish the L sound and R sound in English. But a recent study found that not only Japanese but also other countries people, adults with other mother tongues1 generally did can not distinguish well specific consonants of foreign languages well. Under six months old bBabies can recognize consonants in both their mother tongue and non-mother tongues up to six months old, but once they grow up to around one year old2, humans they start to be influenced by the sounds of their mother language tongue and their way to of perceiveing the consonant sounds inclines towards that of3 their mother language tongue. Then they gradually become not to be able to lose the ability to hear the consonants that do not exist in their mother language tongue.

 

コメント

 

1.       同じ国の人でも、例えばカナダの英語とフランス語のように、mother tongueが複数あるところもあるので、このようにするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       ~ up to six months old, but once they grow up to around one year oldとすると時間関係がわかりやすくなります。

 

3.       their way of perceivingが主語なのでthat (the way of perceiving) of their mother tongueとなります。

 

私は長いことカナダでcoffeeを注文するとcoke(コカコーラの通称)が出てくることに悩みましたが、同様にcappuccinoを注文するとa cup of teaが出てくるという話を聞きました。さあ、この謎を解いてください。

 

添削後の文章

 

It is difficult for Japanese people to distinguish the L sound and R sound in English. But a recent study found that not only Japanese but also adults with other mother tongues generally can not distinguish specific consonants of foreign languages well. Babies can recognize consonants in both their mother tongue and non-mother tongues up to six months old, but once they grow up to around one year old, they start to be influenced by the sounds of their mother tongue and their way of perceiving the consonant sounds inclines towards that of their mother tongue. Then they gradually lose the ability to hear the consonants that do not exist in their mother tongue.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(rio, 24 May 06

 

It is difficult for Japanese to tell English L from R. However, the recent research turned out that it is difficult for not only Japanese adults but also most adults to distinguish specific foreign consonants. Children under six months can tell their mother tongue from others' tongue but after children become one year old, their mother begins restrict them and their mother tongue dominate their way to perceive languages. Now we know that because of this restriction, it becomes difficult for adults to distinguish consonants which they don't have our mother tongue.

 

添削

 

It is difficult for Japanese people to tell the difference in the English pronunciations of L from and R1. However, the a recent research turned out has found that it is difficult for not only for Japanese adults but also for most adults in the world to distinguish specific foreign consonants. Children under six months old can tell their mother tongue from others' tongues but after children become one year old, their mother begins restrict them and their mother tongue dominates their way to of perceiveing consonants and start losing the ability to distinguish foreign consonants2 languages. Now we know that because of this restriction, it becomes is difficult for adults to distinguish consonants which they don't have in their our mother tongues.

 

コメント

 

1.       LRの発音の聞き取りと言うことを明記したほうがよいでしょう。エドモントンに来て、現地の英語の学校に通う日本人の子弟を見ていて、LRの区別は小学校高学年位までに覚えないとわからない、とおもっていましたが、生後6ヶ月といわれると厳しいですね。たしかに、私はカナダで40年近く生活していますが、LRの聞き分けは難しいです。ただし、cloudcrowdだけを発音して、これはどっちだという状況は日常生活には無いわけで、単語は文章の中で使われるのですから文章の内容からLRは判断できます。

 

2.       their mother tongues restrict themを補足説明して、their mother tongue dominates their way of perceiving ~の後ろに入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

It is difficult for Japanese people to tell the difference in the English pronunciations of L and R. However, a recent research has found that it is difficult not only for Japanese adults but also for most adults in the world to distinguish specific foreign consonants. Children under six months old can tell their mother tongue from other tongues but after children become one year old, their mother tongue dominates their way of perceiving consonants and start losing the ability to distinguish foreign consonants. Now we know that because of this restriction, it is difficult for adults to distinguish consonants which they don't have in their  mother tongues.

 

 

初級添削問題 288

 

夫に先立たれた女のほとんどは開放感を充分に味わっているように元気いっぱいなのに、妻に先立たれたほとんどの男は老化が加速されたように元気をうしなっていく。

 

読者からの投稿 7(Lucca, 28 September 12

 

Although most widows have so much energy as if they enjoy a freedom of living alone, most widowers age rapidly and lose their energy after their wives died.

 

添削

 

Although most widows have so much energy as and1 if they enjoy a sense freedom of living alone, most widowers age rapidly and lose their energy after their wives die died and age quickly2.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       これは事実でしょう。

 

2.       元気を失って老化が加速する、という順序でしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Although most widows have so much energy and enjoy a sense freedom of living alone, most widowers lose their energy after their wives die and age quickly.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 17 July 10

 

On the one hand, most widows are full of vigor enjoying a freedom never felt before, but on the other, most widowers tend to quickly lose their vigor as if they are getting older at an increasing rate.

 

添削

 

On the one hand, most widows are full of vigor enjoying a freedom they have never felt before., but1 oOn the other hand, most widowers tend to quickly lose their vigor as if they are getting older at an increasing rate.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       主語の異なる二つのことがらを対比しているのでbutは要りません。

 

添削後の文章

 

On one hand, most widows are full of vigor enjoying freedom they have never felt before.  On the other hand, most widowers tend to quickly lose their vigor as if they are getting older at an increasing rate.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、29 November 07

 

As most old women feel liberating after her husband died, they are really active. On the other hand, most men age faster and become dispirited when his wife died.

 

添削

 

As mMost old women feel liberating liberated and become socially active1 after her their husbands died, they are really active. On the other hand, mMost men, on the contrary, age faster and become dispirited when his their wives wife died.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「開放感を充分に味わっているように元気いっぱいなのに」は「開放感を味わい、そして元気いっぱいだ」と二つのことを並列に記述するだけで、特に因果関係を入れる必要はないでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Most old women feel liberated and become socially active after their husbands die. Most men, on the contrary, age faster and become dispirited when their wives die.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Keicoco, 2 September 06

 

Most widows are full of beans and just enjoy their freedom erupted. Most widowers, in contrast, are down in the dumps and accelerate aging.

 

添削

 

Most widows are full of beans and just enjoy their newly-acquired1 freedom erupted. Most widowers, in contrast, are down in the dumps and accelerate aging.

 

コメント

 

1.       freedomの前に形容詞を入れたほうが文の調子がよくなります。newly-acquiredとしました。伴侶と一緒の時もけっこうfreedomがあるのではないかとも思いますが。

 

添削後の文章

 

Most widows are full of beans and just enjoy their newly-acquired freedom. Most widowers, in contrast, are down in the dumps and accelerate aging.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、14 July 06

 

While the majority of bereaved wives are full of vigor with a great sense of liberation, most bereaved husbands are losing their vigor as if they were getting old much faster than they normally are.

 

添削

 

While the majority of bereaved wives widows1 are full of vigor with a great sense of liberation, most2 bereaved husbands widowers are losing their vigor as if they were getting older3 much faster than they normally are.

 

コメント

 

1.       bereaved wivesは、近親に先立たれたことを嘆く悲しむ妻、なので、この妻が「開放感を充分に味わって元気」と表明するのは如何なものでしょうか?

 

2.       the majority of ~mostとどちらのほうがより大きい部分を指すか、といわれてもわかりませんが、文意からthe majority of ~のほうがmostより大きい感じがしますね。

 

3.       長命社会の日本では連れ合いに先立たれる人も高齢のことが多いので、そもそもがthey are getting oldですね。そのため、ここではthey are getting older much faster ~がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

While the majority of widows are full of vigor with a great sense of liberation, most  widowers are losing their vigor as if they were getting older much faster than they normally are.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、31 May 06

 

A widower whose wife has died loses his energy and accumulates senility while a widow whose husband has died gets energy and enjoys unbind freedom.

 

添削

 

A widower whose wife has died loses his energy and accelerates aging accumulates senility1 while a widow whose husband has died gets energy and enjoys unbind unbound freedom.

 

コメント

 

1.       senileというと認知症のような状態を言うのでaccumulate senilityとすると、大分厳しい状態になります。老化の加速、accelerates agingと少し穏やかにしました。それとも文の後半にunbound freedomとあるので、これと対応して誇張した表現を使ったのですか?文が並列構造になっていてわかりやすいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

A widower whose wife has died loses energy and accelerates aging while a widow whose husband has died gets energy and enjoys unbound freedom.

 

読者からの投稿 1(rio, 24 May 06

 

Widows are very fine like they enjoy their free very much but widowers lose their energy like they have early aging.

 

添削

 

Many Wwidows1 are very doing fine like they and enjoy their free life very much, but many widowers lose their energy like and age quickly they have early aging2.

 

コメント

 

1.       短い文章ですが、「夫に先立たれた女」、「開放感を充分に味わう」などの内容をどれだけ説明するかで幾つも英文表現ができます。rioさんは「夫に先立たれた女」はwidowsだと簡単明瞭に解釈しています。

 

2.       early agingというと若年なのに急に老ける、ということですが、日本人の平均寿命は世界でもトップの部にはいるので、伴侶を亡くす夫も大体は相当の年のはずですから、単にage quicklyにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Many widows are doing fine and enjoy their free life very much, but many widowers lose their energy and age quickly.

 

 

初級添削問題 290

 

企業では結果評価が主流となってきている。年齢・性別・国籍などにとらわれることなく、公平性・正当性に期待できる制度である。反面、現場の運用の仕方次第では、やる気をそいでしまう危険な側面を持ち合わせている。運用にあたっては、結果もさることながら、同じ目標に向かい、精一杯努力してくれた事実に心から感謝するゆとりをもちたい。

 

読者からの投稿 7(OKEN, 23 November 12

 

Recently, many companies in Japan have adopted results-based evaluation system. With the system, they could evaluate their employees regardless of age, sex and nationality, and get fair and valid evaluation results. On the other hand, the system has dangerous aspects that ,if it is inappropriately implemented on the job sites, the employees might get discouraged. On its implementation, they should have room to respect not only the results but also the fact that the employees did their best to achieve the same object.

 

添削

 

Recently, many companies in Japan have adopted a results-based evaluation system. With the system, they could evaluate performances of their employees regardless of age, sex and nationality, and get fair and valid evaluation results. However On the other hand1, the system has dangerous aspects that ,if it is inappropriately implemented on the job sites, the employees might may get discouraged. On its implementation, there they should be have room to respect not only the results but also the fact that the employees did do their best to achieve the common same objects of their company.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       On one hand, A. On the other hand, B.ABの内容の対比に使います。上の文章もこの形に書き直せますが、ここではもっと一般的にhoweverがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Recently, many companies in Japan have adopted a results-based evaluation system. With the system, they evaluate performances of their employees regardless of age, sex and nationality, and get fair and valid evaluation results. However, the system has dangerous aspects that, if it is inappropriately implemented on the job site, employees may get discouraged. On its implementation, there should be room to respect not only results but also the fact that employees do their best to achieve the common objects of their company.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(Lucca, 10 October 12

 

Results-oriented job performance evaluation has become mainstream among companies. This method can expect to evaluate company employees fairly and justly regardless of age, gender or nationality. In contrast, there is another aspect that employees may lose their motivation if companies put too much emphasis on results. When the method is carried out, it is also important to appreciate the fact in which employees do their best and work hard toward the same goal. 

 

添削

 

Results-oriented job performance evaluation has become the mainstream among companies. This method can expect to evaluates1 company employees fairly and justly regardless of age, gender or nationality. However, In contrast2, there is another aspect that employees may lose their motivation if companies put too much emphasis on results. When the method is applied carried out, it is also important to appreciate the fact in which that employees do their best and work hard toward shared the same goals regardless of their actual results3. 

 

コメント

 

一読しただけではでわかり難いところがありますが、内容のすべてが推測できます。

 

1.       can expect to evaluateは意味がはっきりしません。直裁にevaluatesがよいでしょう。

 

2.       ここでin contrastを入れると、前に文の要点(企業では結果評価が主流となってきている。)とは対照的に 〜だ。となります。ですから投稿の二番目の文はin contrastでは続きません。In contrast, my company still uses group-oriented performance evaluation.といった具合です。

 

3.       このような補足を付けるとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Results-oriented job performance evaluation has become the mainstream among companies. This method evaluates company employees fairly and justly regardless of age, gender or nationality. However, employees may lose their motivation if companies put too much emphasis on results. When the method is applied, it is important to appreciate the fact  that employees do their best and work hard toward shared goals regardless of their actual results. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 17 July 10

 

A performance-based appraisal is becoming mainstream in the performance evaluation for corporate employees. While the evaluation system facilitates fair and equitable appraisal irrespective of employees’ age, sex and nationality, it can stifle their enthusiasm if not properly applied to a real business setting. When you evaluate your people, you ought to focus on their performance results, and even more than that, to sincerely appreciate their utmost efforts devoted towards attaining the common organizational objectives.

 

添削

 

A result-oriented performance -based appraisal1 is becoming the mainstream in the performance evaluation for of corporate employees. While the this evaluation method system facilitates a fair and equitable appraisal irrespective of employees’ age, sex and nationality, it can stifle their enthusiasm and motivation if it is not properly applied to each a real business setting. When you evaluate your people, you may have ought to focus on their results your employees have achieved2 performance results, and even more than that, but at the same time you ought to sincerely appreciate their utmost efforts devoted towards attaining the common organizational objectives.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、結果重視の評価システムと評価システム一般との関係がはっきりしません。

 

1.       結果評価主義では仕事の結果さえ出せれば評価が高く、いくら努力しても結果を出せなければ評価は低くなります。この問題では、評価システムも実践を誤ると従業員のやる気を殺ろす、と言っています。

 

2.       「企業だから業績を強調するのは仕方がないが」といった気持ちのyou may have to ~です。

 

添削後の文章

 

A result-oriented performance appraisal is becoming the mainstream in the performance evaluation of corporate employees. While this evaluation method facilitates a fair and equitable appraisal irrespective of employees’ age, sex and nationality, it can stifle their enthusiasm and motivation if it is not properly applied to each real business setting. When you evaluate your people, you may have to focus on the results your employees have achieved but at the same time you ought to sincerely appreciate their efforts devoted towards attaining the common organizational objectives.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、30 November 07

 

It becomes mainstream that companies evaluate their employees' business performance. This system that can expect fairness and validness regardless of age, sex and nationality. But this system has a dangerous aspect that employees will lose their motivation by how to use it at the site. When we use this system, we want to have composure to thank those who work hard for the same goal from the bottom of our heart.

 

添削

 

It Result-oriented evaluation1 has becomes the mainstream of employees’ performance appraisal that companies evaluate their employees' business performance. This system method that can expect fairness and validness regardless of age, sex and nationality. But this system it also has a dangerous aspect that employees will may lose their motivation by if the method is used without much consideration how to use it at the site. When we use this system method, we want should to have an attitude composure to thank those who work hard for the same goal from the bottom of our heart.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、employees will lose their motivation by how to use it at the site.のところがわかりません。employees will may lose their motivation by depending on how it is to used it at the site のようにできますが、添削では少し説明的にしました。

 

1.       勤務評価にはいろいろな方法があり、結果重視の勤務評価はその一つなので、このようにするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Result-oriented evaluation has become the mainstream of employees’ performance appraisal. This method can expect fairness and validness regardless of age, sex and nationality. But it also has a dangerous aspect that employees may lose their motivation if the method is used without much consideration. When we use this method, we should  have an attitude to thank those who work hard for the same goal.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、21 September 06

 

A lot of companies are now introducing performance appraisal system for their employees.  The system allows for fair and accurate assessment of employees regardless of their age, sex and nationality. On the other hand, however, it also has the negative effect of dispiriting employees depending on how the system is managed in the workplace. It is important to evaluate results, but it is more important to be flexible about expressing warmest appreciation for employees' dedicated efforts toward achieving mutual goals.

 

添削

 

A lot of companies are now introducing a result-based1 performance appraisal system for their employees. The system allows for fair and accurate assessment of employees regardless of their age, sex and nationality. On the other hand, however, it also has the a negative effect of dispiriting employees depending on how the system is managed in the workplace2. It is important to evaluate results, but it is more important to use the system with the be flexible about expressing3 warmest appreciation for of employees' dedicatedion efforts toward achieving the mutual goals.

 

コメント

 

1.       performance appraisalは勤務評価一般を指しますから、ここでは結果を重視した勤務評価、result-based (oriented) performance appraisalにします。

 

2.       it also has a negative effect of dispiriting employeesは明確な内容を持った文ですね。するとdepending on how the system is managed「どのように評価方法が用いられるかによって」という曖昧な内容の文としっくりしない感じもします。it also has a negative effect of dispiriting employees if the system is mismanaged without care. For example, ~と次の文に続ける方法もあります。

 

3.       it is important to evaluate results but it is more important to be flexible about ~でもよいのですが、to evaluate resultsに較べて、to be flexible about ~の表現が弱いのでto use the systemと他動詞にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

A lot of companies are now introducing a result-based performance appraisal system for their employees. The system allows for fair and accurate assessment of employees regardless of their age, sex and nationality. On the other hand, however, it also has a negative effect of dispiriting employees depending on how the system is managed in the workplace. It is important to evaluate results, but it is more important to use the system with the warmest appreciation of employees' dedication toward achieving the mutual goals.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、31 May 06

 

It has become the main stream that a company evaluates employee’s abilities by the performance. This is a promising system that is fair and equal for everybody without regard to age, sex and nationality. But it also has an opposite aspect of lowering employee’s motivation in some ways of operating it at the working place. If a company adopts this system, it should be broad-minded to first appreciate the employee’s efforts to achieve the company’s goal before valuing the results.

 

添削

 

It has become the main stream of performance appraisal1 that a company evaluates employee’s abilities performance by the performance results he has achieved2. This is a promising system that is fair and equal for everybody without regard to age, sex and nationality. But it also has an negative3 opposite aspect of lowering employee’s motivation when it is not wisely used4 in some ways of operating it at the working place. If a company adopts this system, it should be broad-minded to first appreciate the employee’s efforts to achieve the company’s goal regardless of his before valuing the results5.

 

コメント

 

1.       that節の内容が 「〜のための 主流になってきている」、ですから、「〜のための」、を入れます。

 

2.       社員の業績評価、勤務評価はperformance appraisalといいます。結果主義、成果主義の業績評価は社員がどれだけ具体的に会社に貢献したかで社員の業績を評価します。潜在的な能力や努力の評価と違います。ですから、ここはemployee’s performance by the results he has achievedと表現するとよいでしょう。

 

3.       negativeとしたほうが具体的になりますね。

 

4.       現場の運用の仕方次第では」はこの内容の情報を全部いれて英文で表現しようとすると長くなるので、内容を取ってwhen it is not wisely usedとしました。日本文には日本の読者には親しみのある言葉の使い方、例えば「現場での運用」、がありますが、これらを英文で表現しようとすると、補足説明が必要で面倒になります。このようなときは内容を簡単な日本文で言いなおしてみるのも英文表現のコツのひとつです。

 

5.       「結果もさることなが」には「たとえたいした業績はあげなかったにしろ」という意味が込められています。Regardless of his resultsにも同様な意味が含まれています。

 

添削後の文章

 

It has become the main stream of performance appraisal that a company evaluates employee’s performance by the results he has achieved. This is a promising system that is fair and equal for everybody without regard to age, sex and nationality. But it also has a negative aspect of lowering employee’s motivation when it is not wisely used. If a company adopts this system, it should be broad-minded to appreciate employee’s efforts to achieve the company’s goal regardless of his results.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(rio, 26 May 06

 

It becomes the main way to evaluate employees by the result in enterprises. It is a hopeful system about fairness and legitimacy and the system isn't bound by age, sex, nationality and so on. However, the system has a dangerous side that it discourages employees if we use the system improper way. When we use this system, of course the result is important, but we should have a big heart and we really appreciate employees who do their best for our same goal.

 

添削

 

It becomes1 the main way method in enterprises to evaluate the performance of employees by their results in enterprises. It This method is expected to provide a hopeful2 system about fairness and legitimacy to performance appraisal regardless of and the system isn't bound by age, sex, and nationality of an employee and so on. However, the system method has a dangerous side effect that it discourages employees if we use the this method system in an improper way. When we use this system method, of course we regard3 that the result is important of course, but at the same time we should have a big heart and we really appreciate employees who do their best for to achieve our the same goal regardless of their actual performance4.

 

コメント

 

1.       becomeが「〜になってきている」という意味なのでIt becomes the main methodでよいですね。

 

2.       hopefulは「〜になって欲しい」という願望を表す言葉ですから、hopeful forecasts that the economy will improve「経済が良くなって欲しいという希望的観測」と言うように使います。a hopeful method to bring in fairness and legitimacy to performance appraisal 「業績評価に公平と正当性を導入すると期待されている方法」というように使えます。しかしhopefulは誰がそのようになって欲しいと思っているかわからないときがあるので、ここではもっと一般的なit is expected thatという表現を使いました。

 

3.       When we use this method, of course the result is important, but ~は口語表現としては適切ですが、文章表現では主語を統一してWhen we use this method, we regard that the result is important of course but ~としたほうが文の形が整ってよいでしょう。

 

4.       この補足説明を入れておくと内容がはっきりするでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

It becomes the main method in enterprises to evaluate the performance of employees by their results. This method is expected to provide fairness and legitimacy to performance appraisal regardless of age, sex, and nationality of an employee. However, the method has a dangerous side effect that it discourages employees if we use this method in an improper way. When we use this method, we regard that the result is important of course but at the same time we should have a big heart and really appreciate employees who do their best to achieve the same goal regardless of their actual performance.