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初級練習問題添削 271−280

 

初級練習問題添削 271(28 April 06) (3 May 06) (11 Nov 07) (27 June 10) (9 Aug 12)

            (29 Nov 12) 

初級練習問題添削 272(2 May 07) (5 May 06) (12 Nov 07) (27 June 10) (11 Aug 12)

初級練習問題添削 273(6 April 06)(30 May 06) (13 Nov 07) (28 June 10) (24 Aug 12)

初級練習問題添削 274(9 May 06) (31 May 06) (14 Nov 07) (28 June 10) (24 Aug 12)

初級練習問題添削 275(9 May 06) (2 June 06) (15 Nov 07) (28 June 10) (25 Aug 12)

初級練習問題添削 276(11 May 06) (7 June 06) (16 Nov 07) (2 July 10) (29 Aug 12)

初級練習問題添削 277(11 May 06) (9 June 06) (17 Nov 07) (2 July 10) (29 Aug 12)

初級練習問題添削 278(12 May 06) (10 June 06) (17 Nov 07) (2 July 10) (1 Sept 12)

初級練習問題添削 279(16 May 06) (14 June 06) (18 Nov 07) (3 July 10) (1 Sept 12)

初級練習問題添削 280(18 May 06) (23 June 06) (19 Nov 07) (3 July 10) (25 July 12)

            (11 Sept 12)

 

初級練習問題 271

 

鹿児島県・佐多岬の西で、屋久島発鹿児島行き高速船「トッピー」(281トン、乗客乗員109人)が4月9日午後6時5分頃、クジラと見られる海洋生物と衝突。衝撃で乗客乗員104人が負傷し、36人が入院した。鹿児島海上保安部が原因の特定を急いでいるが、九州近海でクジラと高速船が衝突したと見られる事故は今年で五件目になった。

 

読者からの投稿 6(OKEN, 29 November 12

 

The high-speed boat from Yakushima to Kagoshima, “Toppy”, 281 tons, carrying 109 passengers and crew, collided against a marine creature believed to be a whale at about 6 : 5 pm April 9 in the west of Sata cape in Kagoshima Prefecture. The impact caused by the collision injured 104 passengers and crew, and 36 out of them were placed in a hospital. Kagoshima Coastguard Office is trying to define the causes. The number of such accidents in the sea around Kyushu believed to be caused by collision between high-speed boats and whales has come up to 5.

 

添削

 

The high-speed boat from Yakushima to Kagoshima, “Toppy”, 281 tons, carrying 109 passengers and crew, collided against a marine creature believed to be a whale at about 6 : 05 pm on April 9 in the west of Sata cCape in Kagoshima Prefecture. The impact caused by the collision injured 104 passengers and crew, and 36 out of them were placed in a hospital. Kagoshima Coastguard Office is trying to define identify the causes. This was the fifth time that The number of such an accidents happened in the sea around Kyushu. It is believed that they were to be caused by a collision between a high-speed boats and a whales has come up to 5.

 

コメント

 

内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが、最後の文は分かり難いです。

 

添削後の文章

 

The high-speed boat from Yakushima to Kagoshima, “Toppy”, 281 tons, carrying 109 passengers and crew, collided against a marine creature believed to be a whale at about 6 :05 pm on April 9 in the west of Sata Cape in Kagoshima Prefecture. The impact caused by the collision injured 104 passengers and crew, and 36 out of them were placed in a hospital. Kagoshima Coastguard Office is trying to identify the cause. This was the fifth time that such an accident happened in the sea around Kyushu. It is believed that they were  caused by a collision between a high-speed boat and a whale .

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 9 August 12

 

At around 6:05 pm on April 9, "Toppy", the 281 ton high speed vessel, hit a sea animal which seemed to be a whale on the west of Cape Sata, Kagoshima Prefecture. The vessel with 109 passengers and crew on board was heading to Kagoshima from Yakushima Island. 104 people were injured including 36 people who had been hospitalized after the collision. The Matsuyama Maritime Safety Agency has probed into the cause of this collision. Since the begging of this year, this is the fifth marine accidents to hit a sea animal in the sea around Kyushu this year.

 

添削

 

At around 6:05 pm on April 9, the1"Toppy", a the 281 -ton high speed passenger2 vessel, hit a sea animal which seemed to be a whale on the sea west of Cape Sata, Kagoshima Prefecture. The vessel with 109 passengers and crew on board was heading to Kagoshima from Yakushima Island. A total of3 104 people were injured including 36 people who had been hospitalized after the collision. The Matsuyama Maritime Safety Agency has been investigating probed into the cause of this collision. Since the begging of this year4, tThis is was the fifth marine accidents this year to hit a sea animal in the sea around Kyushu this year.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       船名なので定冠詞を付けます。

 

2.       後で出てきますが、ここではっきりさせておくのがよいでしょう。

3.       数字で文を始めると見た目が悪く、また文頭かどうか分かり難いときもあるので、このようにするとよいでしょう。

 

4.       since the beginning of the yearは「今年のはじめからずっと」ですからある長さの時間をさします。Since the beginning of the year, there have been five incidents of ~.というようにこの期間の起きた事柄の総数を記述するのが普通です。

 

添削後の文章

 

At around 6:05 pm on April 9, the “Toppy", a 281-ton high speed passenger vessel, hit a sea animal which seemed to be a whale on the sea west of Cape Sata, Kagoshima Prefecture. The vessel with 109 passengers and crew on board was heading to Kagoshima from Yakushima Island. A total of 104 people were injured including 36 people who had been hospitalized after the collision. The Matsuyama Maritime Safety Agency has been investigating the cause of this collision. This was the fifth marine accident this year to hit a sea animal in the sea around Kyushu .

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 27 June 10

 

Around 6:05 p.m. on April 5, the “Toppy”, a high-speed vessel collided with a marine life which is believed to be a whale at the sea west of Cape Sata, Kagoshima Prefecture, injuring 104 people including 36 those hospitalized. The 281-ton vessel was on a voyage to Kagoshima from Yaku Island, carrying 109 passengers and crew members on board when the collision took place.  The Kagoshima Coastguard Office is working hard to identify the cause of the incident. Including this, the number of collision incidents involving high-speed vessels and whales added up to 5 in the sea around Kyushu Island this year.

 

添削

 

Around 6:05 p.m. on April 5, the “Toppy”, a high-speed vessel collided with a marine life which is was 1 believed to be a whale at the sea west of Cape Sata, Kagoshima Prefecture, injuring 104 people including 36 who were those hospitalized. The 281-ton vessel was on a voyage to Kagoshima City from Yaku Island, carrying 109 passengers and crew members on board when the collision took place.  The Kagoshima Coastguard Office is working hard to identify the exact 2 cause of the incident. Including this case, the number of collisions incidents involving a high-speed vessels and a whales has added up to 5 five in the sea around Kyushu Island this year.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       このような場合でも時制の一致が一般的に適用されます。

 

2.       believed to be a whaleと言ってあるので、the exact causeとするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 6:05 p.m. on April 5, the “Toppy”, a high-speed vessel collided with a marine life which was believed to be a whale at the sea west of Cape Sata, Kagoshima Prefecture, injuring 104 people including 36 who were hospitalized. The 281-ton vessel was on a voyage to Kagoshima City from Yaku Island, carrying 109 passengers and crew members on board when the collision took place. The Kagoshima Coastguard Office is working hard to identify the exact cause of the incident. Including this case, the number of collisions  involving a high-speed vessel and a whale has added up to five in the sea around Kyushu Island this year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、11 November 07

 

A high-speed boat, "Toppy" (281 tons, 109 passengers) from Yakushima to Kagoshima crashed into a marine life to be seen as a whale in the west of Cape Sata in Kagoshima Prefecture around 6:15 p.m. on April 9. Then, the impact of the collision caused 104 crew members and passengers to be injured and 36 members and passengers to be sent to a hospital. The Maritime Safety Agency in Kagoshima Prefecture is investigating the cause of the crash. This is the fifth accident that high-speed boats seem to have crashed into a whale in the seas around Kyusyu this year.

 

添削

 

A high-speed boat, the "Toppy" (281 tons, 109 passengers) from Yakushima to Kagoshima crashed into a marine life, that was likely  to be seen as a whale, in the west of Cape Sata in Kagoshima Prefecture around 6:15 p.m. on April 9. Then, tThe impact of the collision caused injured a total of104 crew members and passengers, to be injured and 36 of them serious enough members and passengers to be sent to a hospital. The Maritime Safety Agency in Kagoshima Prefecture is investigating the cause of the crash. This is the fifth accident that high-speed boats seem to have crashed into a whale in the seas around Kyusyu Island this year.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

単にinjuredとしたほうがわかりやす。

 

添削後の文章

 

A high-speed boat, the "Toppy" (281 tons, 109 passengers) from Yakushima to Kagoshima crashed into a marine life, that was likely a whale, in the west of Cape Sata in Kagoshima Prefecture around 6:15 p.m. on April 9. The impact of the collision injured a total of104 crew members and passengers, 36 of them serious enough to be sent to a hospital. The Maritime Safety Agency in Kagoshima Prefecture is investigating the cause of the crash. This is the fifth accident that high-speed boats seem to have crashed into a whale in the seas around Kyusyu Island this year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、3 May 06

 

A high-speed ferryboat “Toppy” (281 tons, 109 people on board) collided with a sea creature which was supposed to be a whale around 6:05 p.m. on April 9 at the western offshore of the Sata Cape in Kagoshima Prefecture. The ferryboat was heading for Kagoshima from the Yakushima Island. One hundred and four people were injured and thirty eight were hospitalized by a impact of the collision. The Kagoshima Maritime Safety Agency is now investigating the cause of the collision. This accident is the fifth of the crashes involving whales in the sea near the Kyusyu this year.

 

添削

 

A high-speed ferryboat “Toppy” (281 tons, 109 people on board) collided with a sea creature which was supposed to be a whale around 6:05 p.m. on April 9 at the western offshore of the Sata Cape in Kagoshima Prefecture1. The ferryboat was heading for Kagoshima from the Yakushima Island. One hundred and four people were injured by an impact of the collision2 and thirty eight six of them3 were hospitalized by a impact of the collision. The Kagoshima Maritime Safety Agency is now investigating the cause of the collision. This accident is the fifth of the crashes involving whales in the sea near the Kyusyu Island this year.

 

コメント

 

1.       「鹿児島県・佐多岬の西で、屋久島発鹿児島行き高速船「トッピー」(281トン、乗客乗員109人)が4月9日午後6時5分頃」には日時、場所、高速船の説明に関する情報が詰まっていますね。さくらさんは英文でこれらの情報をわかりやすく整理しています。「時間、日、場所」という順序が英文では普通ですね。「屋久島発鹿児島行き」を新しい文にしたのも良いですね。

 

2.       were injured by an impact of the collisionと続けると何で負傷したのか、わかりやすくなります。

 

3.       文脈から負傷した104人の中の36人とわかりますが、thirty six of themとすると読者に親切です。

 

添削後の文章

 

A high-speed ferryboat “Toppy” (281 tons, 109 people on board) collided with a sea creature which was supposed to be a whale around 6:05 p.m. on April 9 at the western offshore of the Sata Cape in Kagoshima Prefecture. The ferryboat was heading for Kagoshima from Yakushima Island. One hundred and four people were injured by an impact of the collision and thirty six of them were hospitalized. The Kagoshima Maritime Safety Agency is now investigating the cause of the collision. This accident is the fifth of the crashes involving whales in the sea near Kyusyu Island this year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、28 April 06

 

The "Toppy," a high-speed ferry (281 tons and 109 passengers and crew members on board) bound for Kagoshima from Yaku Island, collided with a whale-like marine animal in waters west of the coast of Cape Sata, Kagoshima Prefecture around 6:05 p.m. on April 9.  The impact was so strong that 104 people were injured and 36 hospitalized. The Kagoshima Maritime Safety Agency is swiftly tracking down the cause of the accident, but this is the fifth case in which a high-speed ferry has seemingly collided with a whale in waters near Kyushu this year.

 

添削

 

The "Toppy," a high-speed ferry (weighting 281 tons and carrying109 passengers and crew members on board) bound for Kagoshima from Yaku Island, collided with a whale-like marine animal1 in waters west of the coast of Cape Sata, Kagoshima Prefecture around 6:05 p.m. on April 9. The impact was so strong that 104 people were injured and 36 hospitalized. The Kagoshima Maritime Safety Agency is swiftly tracking down the cause of the accident, but this is the fifth case in which a high-speed ferry has seemingly collided with a whale in waters near Kyushu Island this year.

 

コメント

 

1.       まだクジラと特定出来ていないようですね。余談ですがアルバータ州の田舎では川をフェリーで渡るところがあります。川にケーブルが架かっていて筏がケーブルをたどって車一台と人を乗せて往来しています。

 

添削後の文章

 

The "Toppy," a high-speed ferry (weighting 281 tons and carrying109 passengers and crew members on board) bound for Kagoshima from Yaku Island, collided with a whale-like marine animal in waters west of Cape Sata, Kagoshima Prefecture around 6:05 p.m. on April 9. The impact was so strong that 104 people were injured and 36 hospitalized. The Kagoshima Maritime Safety Agency is swiftly tracking down the cause of the accident, but this is the fifth case in which a high-speed ferry has seemingly collided with a whale in waters near Kyushu Island this year.

 

 

初級練習問題 272

 

冷凍食品といえば従来はコロッケ、エビフライなど油で揚げるタイプが定番だったが、最近はオーブントースターや電子レンジで加熱するものが主流になっている。最新の冷凍食品として、この加熱の必要の無い自然解凍食品が登場した。朝に冷凍庫から出して弁当箱に詰めておくと、ひるごろには自然に解凍が進んで食べごろになる。

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 11 August 12

 

Typical frozen food such as croquettes and fried shrimps needed to be fried in oil in the past. Nowadays, toaster oven or microwave is often used to cook frozen food. Recently, a new type of frozen food which no longer needs to use any cookware has showed up in the market. It requires natural defrost at room temperature before eating. You take this type of frozen food out of a freezer, put it into your boxed lunch directly. It gets ready to eat by noon.

 

添削

 

Typical frozen food such as croquettes and fried shrimps needed to be fried in oil in the past. Nowadays, a toaster oven or microwave is often used to cook frozen food. Recently, a new type of frozen food which no longer needs to use any cookware has showed up in the market. It requires natural defrosting at the room temperature before eating. You take this type of frozen food out of a freezer, put it into your boxed lunch directly., and then It will be gets ready for to eating by noon.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。

 

添削後の文章

 

Typical frozen food such as croquettes and fried shrimps needed to be fried in oil in the past. Nowadays, a toaster oven or microwave is often used to cook frozen food. Recently, a new type of frozen food which no longer needs to use any cookware has showed up in the market. It requires natural defrosting at the room temperature before eating. You take this type of frozen food out of a freezer, put it into your boxed lunch directly, and then It will be  ready for eating by noon.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 27 June 10

 

Frozen foods these days are dominated by the type that can be heated in a toaster oven or microwave, instead a type that used to be fried before served such as croquettes and fried prawns. Only recently, a new type of frozen food that thaws itself at room temperature has emerged. If you take out such type of food from a freezer and pack it into the lunchbox in the morning, then you will find it unfrozen by itself and ready to eat by around noon.

 

添削

 

Frozen foods these days are dominated by the type that can be heated in a toaster oven or microwave, instead of the a type that must used to1 be fried before served such as croquettes and fried prawns. Only rRecently, a newer type of frozen food that thaws itself at room temperature has emerged. If you take out such this type of frozen food from a freezer and pack it into the lunchbox in the morning, then you will find it unfrozen by itself and ready to eat by around noon.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       Frozen foods these days are dominated by ~.と現在の状況を述べているので、used to be ~とはなりません。

 

2.       日本文には「ひるごろには」とありますが、英文では曖昧表現はいりません。「(昼食をとる)正午までに」でよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Frozen foods these days are dominated by the type that can be heated in a toaster oven or microwave, instead of the type that must be fried before served such as croquettes and fried prawns. Recently, a newer type of frozen food that thaws itself at room temperature has emerged. If you take out this type of frozen food from a freezer and pack it into the lunchbox in the morning, then you will find it unfrozen by itself and ready to eat by noon.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、12 November 07

 

Speaking of frozen food, fried food such as croquettes and fried shrimps was ever ordinary. But frozen food heated in a toaster oven or a microwave becomes mainstream recently. As the latest frozen food, food thawed naturally without heating appeared. If we take frozen food out from a freezer and pack it in a lunch box in the morning, frozen food will naturally thaw around noon. Then, it's best to eat frozen food.

 

添削

 

Speaking of fFrozen food, such fried food such as croquettes and fried shrimps used to be the type1 that must be fried before eating was ever ordinary. But frozen food that can be heated in a toaster oven or a microwave oven has becomes the mainstream recently. As the latest type of frozen food, food that can be naturally thawed naturally at a room temperature has without heating appeared. If we take such a type of frozen food out from a freezer and pack it in a lunch box in the morning, then it frozen food will naturally thaw by around noon  and will be ready to eat Then, it's best to eat frozen food.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、fried food such as croquettes and fried shrimps was ever ordinary.Then, it's best to eat frozen food.が文脈の中でどういう意味なのかわかりません。従来の冷凍食品は家で油で揚げてから食べるものですが、fried foodというと既に揚げてある食品になります。

 

1.       foodは集合名詞なので、ある種類の食品はa type of foodとするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Frozen food such as croquettes and shrimps used to be the type1 that must be fried before eating . But frozen food that can be heated in a toaster oven or a microwave oven has become the mainstream recently. As the latest type of frozen food, food that can be naturally thawed at a room temperature has appeared. If we take such a type of frozen food out from a freezer and pack it in a lunch box in the morning, then it will naturally thaw by around noon and will be ready to eat.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、5 May 06

 

A cooking way of conventional frozen food such as croquettes, fried shrimps and others used to be fried in oil. But recently popular frozen food is heated with toaster ovens or microwaves. What’s more, the latest frozen food which does not need to be heated at all has come out. It is enough to be defrosted by itself. If you take out the newest type of frozen food from a freezer and put it in your lunch box in the morning, the frozen food would be defrosted and exactly in good condition to eat around noon.

 

添削

 

A cooking way of1 cConventional frozen food such as croquettes, fried shrimps and others used to be fried in oil. But recently the popular type of2 frozen food is heated with in a toaster ovens or microwaves. What’s more, the latest a new type of frozen food which does not need to be heated at all has come out. It is enough3 toThis type of frozen food can be  naturally defrosted by itself at a room temperature. So, Iif you4 take out the newest type of frozen food from a freezer and put it into your lunch box in the morning, the frozen food would will5 be defrosted and exactly in good condition ready to eat around noon.

 

コメント

 

1.       A cooking wayが主語ですから、A cooking way used to be fried.というとおかしいですね。The typical method of cooking frozen food used to be frying in oil.と言えますが、文中に既にto be friedとあるので添削のようにするとやさしくなります。

 

2.       frozen foodは集合名詞として使われているので、the popular type of frozen food, the newest type of frozen foodと区別するとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

3.       It is enough to ~とすると「何かが何かをするのに充分である。」という構文なので「何かが何かを」の二つを明確にしなければなりません。The room temperature is high enough to naturally defrost this type of frozen food.となりますね。または添削のように表現できます。

 

4.       youを主語にしたので話が具体的になりましたね。

 

5.       この種類の冷凍食品は確実に自然解凍するので、単にwillでよいです。

 

添削後の文章

 

Conventional frozen food such as croquettes, fried shrimps and others used to be fried in oil. But recently the popular type of frozen food is heated in a toaster oven or microwave. What’s more, a new type of frozen food which does not need to be heated at all has come out. This type of frozen food can be naturally defrosted at a room temperature. So, if you take out the newest type of frozen food from a freezer and put it into your lunch box in the morning, the frozen food will be defrosted and ready to eat around noon.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、2 May 06

 

Speaking of frozen foods, deep-fried items such as croquets and fried prawns used to be very common, but the recent mainstream is what can be heated in a toaster oven or microwave. Moreover, the last cry of frozen foods has appeared: self-thawing frozen foods that require no heating. If you take them out of the fridge and put them in a lunch box in the morning, they will be thawed enough to be ready for eating around noon.

 

添削

 

Speaking of1 The mainstream of frozen foods used to be something that must be fried before eating2 such as, deep-fried items such as croquets and fried prawns used to be very common,. but Now3 the recent mainstream is what can be heated in a toaster oven or microwave. Moreover, the last cry of frozen foods has appeared: self-thawing frozen foods at a room temperature that require no heating. If you take them out of the fridge and put them in a lunch box in the morning, they will be thawed enough to be ready for eating to eat around noon.

 

コメント

 

1.       Speaking of ~は「これこれの話です。それで〜について言えば〜」というように話を続ける時に使いますが、「冷凍食品といえば」は前の話の続きではなくて、単に話題を始めるために使われているようです。

 

2.       従来の冷凍食品(冷凍食品はほとんど食べないので詳しくないのですが)はコロッケのように油で揚げる前の段階まで調理してから冷凍したものを解凍して揚げるのではないでしょうか。食べる前に「揚げる」が重要になります。

 

3.       used to be, now, the last cry of ~とすると時間の経過で冷凍食品が変化してきたことが強調されます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The mainstream of frozen foods used to be something that must be fried before eating such as such as croquets and fried prawns. Now the mainstream is what can be heated in a toaster oven or microwave. Moreover, the last cry of frozen foods has appeared: self-thawing frozen foods at a room temperature that require no heating. If you take them out of the fridge and put them in a lunch box in the morning, they will be thawed enough to be ready to eat around noon.

 

 

初級練習問題 273

 

桜と農作業には密接な関係があります。桜は開花前一ヶ月から一ヵ月半の低温が必要で、さらに一日の平均気温が10度以上になると開花を始めます。この10度という気温は、普通の温帯植物が生育を始める温度です。温帯に位置する日本では桜の開花が一般農作物の生育開始を告げ、農家に農作業の本格的開始時期を教えるのです。

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 24 August 12

 

The flowering of cherry blossoms are closely related to the timing of farm work. Cherry blossoms require to be exposed to a low temperature for a month to a half month before blooming. And then they bloom when the average temperature of a day is over 10 degrees, which is the best temperature to start growing plants in the temperate zone. As Japan is located in the temperate zone, the flowering of cherry blossoms herald the time when corps start growing. At the same time, farmers can know when to start their working.

 

添削

 

The flowering blooming1 of cherry blossoms are is closely related to the timing of farm work. Cherry blossoms must require to be exposed to a low temperature for a month to a month and half month before blooming. Aand then they start blooming when the average temperature of a day reaches is over 10 degrees Celsius , which is the best temperature for plants to start growing plants in the temperate zone. As Japan is located in the temperate zone, the flowering blooming of cherry blossoms heralds the time when corps crops start growing. Thus, the blooming of cherry blossoms tells At the same time, farmers that the time has come for them can know when to start their farm work working2.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てが推測できますが、「一ヶ月から一ヵ月半」のところが誤訳されています。

 

1.       blooming で統一するとよいでしょう。

 

2.       文章の要点を書いておくとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The blooming of cherry blossoms is closely related to the timing of farm work. Cherry blossoms must be exposed to a low temperature for a month to a month and half and start blooming when the average temperature of a day reaches over 10 degrees Celsius, which is the best temperature for plants to start growing in the temperate zone. As Japan is located in the temperate zone, the blooming of cherry blossoms heralds the time when crops start growing. Thus, the blooming of cherry blossoms tells farmers that the time has come for them to start their farm work.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 28 June 10

 

In a sense, a close relationship is seen between cherry blossoms and the farm work. Cherry trees require low temperatures to persist for one month to one and a half months before they come into bloom. They start blooming when the daily mean temperature goes up to 10 degrees Celsius or higher. The 10 degrees Celsius is the very temperature at which most plants in the temperate zone start growing. In Japan which is located in the temperate zone, the flowering of Cherry blossoms ushers in the growing season of agricultural crops, telling farmers the right time to begin their full-fledged farm work.

 

添削

 

There is1 In a sense, a close relationship is seen between cherry blossoms and the timing of farm work. Cherry trees require a period of low temperatures to persist for one month to one and a half months before they come into bloom. They start blooming when the daily mean temperature goes up to 10 degrees Celsius or higher. The 10 And ten degrees Celsius is the very temperature at which most plants in the temperate zone start growing. In Japan which2 is located in the temperate zone, and the flowering of Ccherry blossoms ushers in the growing season of agricultural crops, telling farmers the right time to begin their full-fledged farm work3.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       ここではthere is (are) ~.の文構造が有効でしょう。

 

2.       添削のような平易な文構造のほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

3.       「温帯に位置する日本では桜の開花が一般農作物の生育開始を告げ、農家に農作業の本格的開始時期を教えるのです。」の英語表現はわかりやすく且つ流麗ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

There is a close relationship between cherry blossoms and the timing of farm work. Cherry trees require a period of low temperatures for one month to one and a half months before they come into bloom. They start blooming when the daily mean temperature goes up to 10 degrees Celsius or higher. And ten degrees Celsius is the temperature at which most plants in the temperate zone start growing. Japan is located in the temperate zone and the flowering of cherry blossoms ushers in the growing season of agricultural crops, telling farmers the right time to begin their full-fledged farm work.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、13 November 07

 

Cherry and agriculture have a close relation. Cherry needs a low temperature for the period between one month and one and a half month before cherry blossoms open. Besides, if the average temperature of a day rises at more than 10 degrees, cherry blossoms will begin to open. Normal plants in the temperate zone begin to grow at ten degrees. In Japan in the temperate zone, the flowering of cherry blossoms tells that crops begin to grow and that farmers should start farm work.

 

添削

 

Cherry blossoms1 and the beginning of agricultureal work in the field have a close relationship. Cherry trees needs a low temperature for the period between of one month to and one and a half month before their cherry blossoms open. Besides, if tThe average temperature of a day must also rises at to more than 10 degrees Celsius before, cherry blossoms will begin to open. Normal plants in the temperate zone begin to grow at ten degrees Celsius. In Since Japan is located in the temperate zone, the flowering of cherry blossoms tells the time when that crops begin to grow and that farmers should start working fields2 farm work.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、わからないところがあります。the average temperature of a day rises at more than 10 degrees は温度が一日に10度以上上昇する、という意味になります。

 

1.       cherryはサクランボなので、ここではcherry blossomsになります。

 

2.       work fields 農作業をする、という言い方があります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Cherry blossoms and the beginning of agricultural work in the field have a close relationship. Cherry trees need a low temperature for the period of one month to one and a half month before their blossoms open. The average temperature of a day must also rise to more than 10 degrees Celsius before cherry blossoms begin to open. Normal plants in the temperate zone begin to grow at ten degrees Celsius. Since Japan is located in the temperate zone, flowering of cherry blossoms tells the time when crops begin to grow and farmers should start working fields.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、30 May 06

 

Cherry blossoms are closely related to agricultural work. They require to be exposed to low temperature for one month to one and a half before blooming and start to bloom after that period only when the day's average temperature reaches more than ten degrees Celsius.  This is the temperature at which ordinary temperate plants start to grow. In Japan, located in the temperate region, the blooming of cherry blossoms serves as the harbinger of the season when agricultural crops in general start to grow and notifies farmers of the arrival of the season when they should officially start doing agricultural work. 

 

添削

 

Cherry blossoms are closely related to agricultural work. They require to be exposed to1 low temperature for one month to one month and a half before blooming and start to bloom after that period only when the day's average temperature reaches more than ten degrees Celsius2. This is the temperature at which ordinary temperate plants start to grow. In Japan, located in the temperate region, the blooming of cherry blossoms serves as the harbinger of the season when agricultural crops in general start to grow and notifies farmers of the arrival of the season when they should officially really3 start doing agricultural work. 

 

コメント

 

1.       文の後半にbefore bloomingとあるので、ここはThey need low temperatureと簡単に表現しても、何のために低温が必要なのかわかります。

 

2.       「桜は開花前一ヶ月から一ヵ月半の低温が必要で、さらに一日の平均気温が10度以上になると開花を始めます。」はCherry blossoms bloom when the average daily temperature increases to more than ten degrees Celsius after a month to a month and a half of cold temperature.と内容をまとめると、すっきり表現できます。

 

3.       いままでの少しずつは農作業をしていたが、いよいよ本格的に始めなければならない、とreallyを使うとよいでしょう。

 

私の住むエドモントンでは春を知らせる木に咲く花は少ないです。通称クラブアップルという庭木にリンゴに似た薄桃色の花が5月の初旬に咲きます。街路樹にも使われていて7−8メートルの高さまで成長します。秋には直径3センチほどのリンゴが実り、ジャムなどにして食べられます。




添削後の文章

 

Cherry blossoms are closely related to agricultural work. They require to be exposed to low temperature for one month to one month and a half before blooming and start to bloom after that period only when the day's average temperature reaches more than ten degrees Celsius. This is the temperature at which ordinary temperate plants start to grow. In Japan, located in the temperate region, blooming of cherry blossoms serves as the harbinger of the season when agricultural crops in general start to grow and notifies farmers of the arrival of the season when they should really start doing agricultural work. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(さくら、6 April 06

 

There is a close relationship between cherry trees and agricultural schedule. To produce blossoms, the cherry tree needs to be exposed to a low temperature for a month or one month and half and it blooms when the average temperature of a day reaches more than 10. It is 10 when common plants in Temperate Zone start to grow. Therefore in Japan which is located in Temperate Zone, the cherry blossoms herald the start of growing of ordinary vegetables. Farmers know their timing of the farm work by the cherry blossoms.

 

添削

 

There is a close relationship between the time cherry trees blossoms bloom and the time farmers start working fields1 agricultural schedule. To produce let blossoms bloom2, the cherry tree needs to be exposed to a low temperature for a month or to a one month and a half and then it blooms when the average temperature of a day reaches more higher than 10. It is 10 when common plants in the Temperate Zonetemperate zone start to grow growing. Therefore in Japan which is located in the Ttemperate Zzone, the cherry blossoms herald3 the start of growing of ordinary vegetables. Farmers know can find4 their timing of the farm work by the watching4 cherry blossoms.

 

コメント

 

1.       日本文には「桜と農作業」とありますが、「桜の花の咲く時期と農業従事者が農作業を始める時期」とすると具体的になるでしょう。

 

2.       「(花が)咲く」bloomという言葉があるので使ってみましょう。This plant blooms between May and June.

 

3.       herald ~ 〜の到来を告げる、という言葉が適切ですね。The cool shower last night heralded the end of the baking hot summer.

 

4.       find, watchというような能動的な動作を示す言葉を使うと文に動きがでます。

 

添削後の文章

 

There is a close relationship between the time cherry blossoms bloom and the time farmers start working fields. To let blossoms bloom, the cherry tree needs to be exposed to a low temperature for a month to a month and a half and then the average temperature of a day reaches higher than 10. It is 10 when common plants in the temperate zone start  growing. Therefore in Japan which is located in the temperate zone, cherry blossoms herald the start of growing of ordinary vegetables. Farmers can find their timing of farm work by watching cherry blossoms.

 

 

初級練習問題 274

 

邦画の日本語字幕付き上映が最近目立ってきた。従来は聴覚障害者用の字幕版を、速いせりふ回しが聞き取りにくい高齢者にも活用しようと、大手映画会社の東宝がヒット映画を中心に数多くの作品に用意したからだ。

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 24 August 24

 

Japanese films with Japanese subtitles are becoming popular at theaters recently. Subtitles were originally used only for people with a hearing problem, but Toho, a major film company, promoted effective use of the subtitles for older people who have difficulty in listening to fast paced dialogue in a file and added the subtitles to their hit files mainly.

 

添削

 

Japanese movies films with a Japanese subtitles are becoming popular at theaters recently. Japanese Ssubtitles were originally intended used only for people with a hearing problems., Bbut Toho, a major film movie company, has been promoteding effective use of the Japanese movies with a Japanese subtitles for the older people who have difficulty in listening to fast -paced conversations dialogue in Japanese movies a file and has been addeding the Japanese subtitles to their hit movies files mainly.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。Japanese movies with a Japanese subtitle のところをはっきりさせるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japanese movies with a Japanese subtitle are becoming popular at theaters recently. Japanese subtitles were originally intended for people with hearing problems. But Toho, a major movie company, has been promoting Japanese movies with a Japanese subtitle for the older people who have difficulty in listening to fast -paced conversations in Japanese movies and has been adding Japanese subtitles to their hit movies.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 28 June 10

 

Lately, we see an increasing number of Japanese movies with Japanese subtitles. This is because Toho Co., Ltd., a major movie company in Japan, has provided for the Japanese subtitles with lots of its old movies, particularly hit movies in an effort to apply them to the elderly who have difficulty keeping up with fast-paced dialogue. Before that, Japanese subtitles had been exclusively used for people with hearing difficulties.

 

添削

 

Lately, we see an increasing number of Japanese movies with Japanese subtitles. This is because Toho Co., Ltd., a major movie company in Japan, has is provideding its movies with for the Japanese subtitles, with lots of its mostly popular old movies, to the market, particularly hit movies in an effort to help apply them to the elderly who have difficulty keeping up with fast-paced dialogue to understand the contents of these movies. In the past, these movies with Before that, Japanese subtitles had been exclusively used for people with hearing difficulties.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、文章の中ほどのところ、This is because Toho Co., Ltd., a major movie company in Japan, has provided for the Japanese subtitles with lots of its old movies, particularly hit movies in an effort to apply them to the elderly who have difficulty keeping up with fast-paced dialogue. がわかりません。添削のように説明するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Lately, we see an increasing number of Japanese movies with Japanese subtitles. This is because Toho Co., Ltd., a major movie company in Japan, is providing its movies with  Japanese subtitles, mostly popular old movies, to the market in an effort to help the elderly who have difficulty keeping up with fast-paced dialogue to understand the contents of these movies. In the past, these movies with Japanese subtitles had been exclusively used for people with hearing difficulties.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、14 November 07

 

Recently, Japanese movies with Japanese subtitles are being remarkably shown at theaters. Toho Co., Ltd., a major Japanese movie company tried to make good use of traditional subtitles for hearing-impaired people for elderly people who are difficult to listen to quick lines. Toho Co., Ltd. subtitled many movies with a central focus on the hit movies.

 

添削

 

Recently, an increasing number of Japanese movies with Japanese subtitles are being remarkably1 shown with Japanese subtitles at theaters. Toho Co., Ltd., a major Japanese movie company, tried is to makeing good use of its movies with traditional subtitles for hearing-impaired people for elderly people who have are difficulty to listen following to quick lines of conversations. Toho Co., Ltd. is releasing subtitled many of its old movies with Japanese subtitles with a central focusing on the hit popular movies.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、添削のように内容の流れをよくするとよいでしょう。

 

1.       movies are remarkably shownとすると、映画の上映方法が特別で一見に値する、という意味になります。「目立ってきた」は、数が増えてきた、ということでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Recently, an increasing number of Japanese movies are shown with Japanese subtitles at theaters. Toho Co. Ltd., a major Japanese movie company, is making good use of its movies with subtitles for hearing-impaired people for elderly people who have difficulty following quick lines of conversations. Toho Co. Ltd. is releasing many of its old movies with Japanese subtitles focusing on popular movies.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、31 May 06

 

More and more Japanese movies with Japanese subtitles have been released recently.  This is because Toho Co., Ltd., the major motion picture company, prepared those subtitles for many works including box-office movies so that elderly people having trouble catching very fast lines could also take advantage of subtitles which had been originally developed for those with aural disability.

 

添削

 

More and more Japanese movies with Japanese subtitles have been released recently.  This is because Toho Co., Ltd., the a1 major motion picture company, prepared those subtitles for many of their movies works including box-office movies so that elderly people having trouble catching very fast lines could also take advantage of subtitles which had been originally developed for those with aural disability.

 

コメント

 

1.       日本の映画事情に疎いのですが、東宝が一番の大手映画製作会社ですか?もしそうならtheでもよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

More and more Japanese movies with Japanese subtitles have been released recently.  This is because Toho Co., Ltd., a major motion picture company, prepared those subtitles for many of their movies including box-office movies so that elderly people having trouble catching very fast lines could also take advantage of subtitles which had been originally developed for those with aural disability.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(さくら、9 May 06

 

Recently more and more Japanese movies with Japanese subtitles have been screened in cinema theaters. The Japanese subtitles for Japanese movie used to be prepared for visual disordered people. But a major film company “Toho” begins utilizing this system for senior people who have difficulty of listening to high-speed lines. Toho now has provided many movies with Japanese subtitles. They are mainly box-office successes.

 

添削

 

Recently more and more Japanese movies with Japanese subtitles have been screened in cinema theaters. The Japanese subtitles for Japanese movies used to be prepared for visually disordered impaired1 people. But a major film company “Toho” begins began utilizing this system for senior people who have difficulty of in listening to high-speed quickly spoken lines. Toho now has provided many movies with Japanese subtitles to many movies that were2. They are mainly box-office successes.

 

1.       visually impaired peopleまたはvisually handicapped peopleという表現が多いです。

 

2.       ここは次の文の内容と関係代名詞の限定用法でつないだほうが「ヒット映画を中心に」ということがよくわかるでしょう。

 

私の住むエドモントンでは映画館に行く人が多いらしく、つい最近も家から車で10分のところにあるショッピングセンターに大型館が出来ました。久しぶりに映画に出かけてみると、なんと客席100人位でフルスクリーンの上映場が12も一つの映画館の中にあります。上映映画はハリウッド製で封切りが主でした。入場券は12ドル(約1000円)ですが、観客の3人に一人はポップコーン(直径20センチ高さ25センチぐらいの紙製容器)とポップドリンク(約500ミリリッター)を持っています。これが12ドルです。映画の場面と関係なく場内にポップコーンの香りが漂っているのは変なものでした。

 

添削後の文章

 

Recently more and more Japanese movies with Japanese subtitles have been screened in cinema theaters. Japanese subtitles for Japanese movies used to be prepared for visually impaired people. But a major film company “Toho” began utilizing this system for senior people who have difficulty in listening to quickly spoken lines. Toho now has provided Japanese subtitles to many movies that were box-office successes.

 

 

初級練習問題 275

 

積水ハウスは同社のすべての戸建て住宅に、成人した子供の独立性を守りながら親と同居できる仕様、「娘と親がともに暮らす家」を導入すると発表した。親と子が共用で使う居間を設ける一方、子供用に階段を別に設けたり、二階のドアに鍵をかけることが出来る。

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 25 August 12

 

Sekisui House, Ltd. announced that it would introduce a house designed for "parents and their grown up daughter to live together" to all of their detached houses. With consideration for the privacy of grow up children, the new houses have dedicated stairs for children and a lockable door on the upstairs, while a common living room for parents and their children is retained in the new layout.

 

添削

 

Sekisui House, Ltd. announced that it would introduce a house designed for "parents and their grown up daughter to live together" to all of their detached houses. With consideration for the privacy of grow up children, the new houses have dedicated stairs for children and a lockable door on the upstairs, while a common living room for parents and their children is retained in the new layout.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。添削箇所はありません。

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 28 June 10

 

Sekisui House, Ltd. announced that it would introduce a specification catch-phrased “a house co-lived in by Parents and their grown-up daughter”to all of its single family houses. The new specification allows a grown-up daughter to live with her parents while maintaining her privacy. The grown-up daughter can use the stairs separately installed for her exclusive use and lock the door to her room upstairs while enjoying the co-use of a living room with her parents.

 

添削

 

Sekisui House, Ltd. announced that it would introduce a new specification, catch-phrased “a house for co-lived in by Pparents and their grown-up daughter to live in together, to all of its detached single family houses. The new specification allows a grown-up daughter to live with her parents while maintaining her privacy. The grown-up daughter can use the stairs to her rooms1 separately installed for her exclusive use and lock the doors to her rooms upstairs while enjoying the co-use of a living room with her parents.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

二階に成人した娘のためのa suiteがある、と解釈しました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Sekisui House, Ltd. announced that it would introduce a new specification, catch-phrased “a house for parents and their grown-up daughter to live in together, ” to all of its detached  family houses. The new specification allows a grown-up daughter to live with her parents while maintaining her privacy. The grown-up daughter can use the stairs to her rooms separately installed for her exclusive use and lock the doors to her rooms upstairs while enjoying the co-use of a living room with her parents.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、15 November 07

 

Sekisui House, Ltd. announced that it introduced new specifications to all their single-family houses. The specifications are that adult children can live with their parents as they maintain their independence. Its name is called "House series where daughters can live with their parents." The houses have a living room parents and their children use together and child's rooms on the second floor. Child's rooms have another stairs for children and doors children can lock.

 

添削

 

Sekisui House, Ltd. announced that it introduced a new specificationsto all their single-family houses. The specifications is for parents to are that adult children can live with their grown-up child and still maintain their own privacy parents as they maintain their independence. This new specification Its name is called "a Hhouse series where parents can live with their grown-up daughters can live with their parents." The houses has have a common living room for parents and their grown-up children use together and child's lockable rooms on the second floor for the grown-up child that can be reached through separate. Child's rooms have another stairs for children and doors children can lock.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、adult childrenと文の最初の方にありますが、そのあとでchildrenとだけ出てくると、どうしても小さな子供のイメージになってしまいます。grown-up childとするとよいでしょう。日本文は子供の立場から書いてありますが、成人した子供に部屋を貸すのは親なので、親の視点から添削しました。

 

1.       幾つかのフロアープランがあるのでしょうが、一つで代表して話を進めるほうが内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       成人した子供が数人、アパートのようなフロアープランの家に同居しているというのもむさくるしいので、一人にしてもらいました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Sekisui House, Ltd. announced that it introduced a new specification to all their single-family houses. The specification is for parents to live with their grown-up child and still maintain their own privacy. This new specification is called "a house where parents can live with their grown-up daughter." The house has a common living room for parents and their grown-up child and lockable rooms on the second floor for the grown-up child that can be reached through separate stairs

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、2 June 06

 

Sekisui House, Ltd. announced that it would adopt a new layout called "a house for daughters and parents to live together" for all the houses by the company. The new style allows grown-up children to live together with their parents while still being independent.  The house will have a living room shared by parents and children, and additional stairs for the use of children. The door to the rooms upstairs can be locked as well.

 

添削

 

Sekisui House, Ltd. announced that it would adopt introduce1 a new layout called "a house for daughters and parents to live together" for all the houses by the company. The new style allows grown-up children to live together 2with their parents while still being independent3.  The house will have a living room shared by parents and children, and additional stairs the second floor4 for the use of children. The door to the rooms upstairs can be locked as well.

 

コメント

 

1.       多分、幾つかの基本の間取りのプランがあり、これらのプランのどれにでも「娘と親がともに暮らす家」用のオプションを選ぶことが可能、というようになっているのではないでしょうか。カナダでは住宅は一生のうちに何度も変わります。独身時代のアパート、結婚してやっと買った小さな古い家、子供が生まれ収入も増えたので移った子供部屋もある家、子供が家を離れ、自分も仕事を引退し、芝刈り、雪かきが大変な年になってきたので移ったアパート、というようなパターンになります。新築の家を建てる場合でも住宅建設会社のモデルホームを見て、間取りの一部をオプションから選んで変える程度です。家は売ったり買ったりするものなので、個性的は間取りの家は売りにくい、と敬遠されます。

 

2.       children to live together,と続いてしまうので、省略したほうがよいでしょう。

 

3.       日本文の最初の文のないようを英文でわかりやすく二つの文に分けていますね。while being independentという表現も簡潔です。while they can keep their privacyとも表現できるでしょう。

 

4.       「子供用に階段を別に設けたり」という意味がよくわかりませんが、私の解釈は二階に成人した娘の部屋があり、玄関を入らずに外から直接に別の階段で上ることが出来る、というものです。

 

添削後の文章

 

Sekisui House, Ltd. announced that it would introduce a new layout called "a house for daughters and parents to live together" for all the houses by the company. The new style allows grown-up children to live with their parents while still being independent. The house will have a living room shared by parents and children, and additional stairs the second floor for the use of children. The door to the rooms upstairs can be locked as well.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(さくら、9 May 06

 

Sekisui House, Ltd announced an introduction of a new design for its detached houses. It is named “a house where parents and a daughter live together”. In that designed house, a daughter can live with her parents keeping her independence. The new design contains the living room shared with parents and a daughter, a staircase which is exclusively for the daughter use and an entrance door of the second floor with lock.

 

添削

 

Sekisui House, Ltd. announced an introduction of a new design1 for its detached houses. It is named “a house where parents and a their daughter live together”2. In that designed house this design, a daughter can live with her parents keeping her independence privacy3. The new design contains the a living room shared with by the parents and a the daughter, a staircase to the second floor which is exclusively for used by the daughter use and an a lock4 on the entrance door of the second floor with lock.

 

コメント

 

1.       戸建住宅のモデルが幾つもあり、これらのモデルには幾つか変更可能なオプションがついている。そしてこのオプションの一つとして「娘と親がともに暮らす家」を導入した。ということを明記するならば、introduced a special option to all models of its detached housesというようになります。さくらさんのような簡単な表現でも良いでしょう。

 

2.       さくらさんは長い日本文を二つにわけて英文で表現して、わかりやすくしていますね。

 

3.       independenceとすると、この娘さんは両親と独立した生活をしているようですね。居間などを共有している、とあるのである程度は両親と共通した生活の場があり、必要なときには自分ひとりの生活をする、というのでしたら、privacyのほうがよいです。さあ、どちらでしょう。

 

4.       「二階のドアに鍵をかける」ということが重要なようなので、a lock on the entrance doora lockを強調したほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Sekisui House Ltd. announced a new design for its detached houses. It is named “a house where parents and their daughter live together”. In this design, a daughter can live with her parents keeping her privacy. The new design contains a living room shared by the parents and the daughter, a staircase to the second floor which is exclusively used by the daughter and a lock4 on the entrance door of the second floor .

 

 

初級練習問題 276

 

子育て中の女性の再就職を支援する新しいタイプの職業紹介所、「マザーズハローワーク」が東京、大阪、名古屋、札幌、仙台など全国12都市にオープンした。子供ずれでも來所しやすいように駅近くに設置してある。ここでは訪れた一人ひとりに専任の担当者が付いて就職先が決まるまで一貫して個別支援を行う。

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 29 August 12

 

"Mothers Hellowork" opened in 12 cities across the country including Tokyo, Osaka, Nagoya, Sapporo and Sendai. This is a new type of the unemployment office for women in the child rearing years. All of the Mothers Hellowork offices are located near train or subway stations so that women with children are able to visit an office more easily. Mothers Hellowork provides an individual support with the women: The same counselor offers consistent service that enable a woman to look for a job based on her individual needs until she gets a job.

 

添削

 

"Mothers’s Hellowork" opened in 12 cities across the country including Tokyo, Osaka, Nagoya, Sapporo and Sendai. This is a new type of the unemployment assistance office for women in the child rearing years. All of the Mothers Hellowork offices are located near train or subway stations so that women with children are able to visit there an office more easily. Mothers Hellowork provides women with an individual supports with the women:;1 The same counselor offers consistent services that enable a woman to look for a job based on her individual needs until she gets a job.

 

コメント

 

内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが、Mothers Hellowork provides an individual support with to the women. は添削の用にしないとwithでは、ある特別な女性、the womanがいて、この人が個別のサービスを行う、という意味になります。

 

1.       コロン: はセミコロン;  より文の切れ目が強くなります。There are three choices: A is ~, B is ~ and C is ~. のような箇条書きによく使います。個の文章ではセミコロン以下は補足説明なので切れ目は弱く(つながりが強く)なります。書き手の癖もあるようで、作家の中には次から次へと文をセミコロンでつなぐ人もいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Mothers’s Hellowork" opened in 12 cities across the country including Tokyo, Osaka, Nagoya, Sapporo and Sendai. This is a new type of employment assistance office for women in the child rearing years. All of the Mothers’ Hellowork offices are located near train or subway stations so that women with children are able to visit there easily. Mothers’ Hellowork provides women with individual supports ; The same counselor offers consistent services that enable a woman to look for a job based on her individual needs until she gets a job.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 2 July 10

 

The “Mothers’ Hello Work”, a new type of employment agency has opened in 12 cities across the country including Tokyo, Osaka, Nagoya, Sapporo and Sendai. The agency specializes in helping child-raising women find new employment and hence all of its offices are located close to railway stations to enable its clients to visit them with their children with ease. The agency assigns a consultant specified for each client to consistently provide individual support until the client finds a job.

 

添削

 

The “Mothers’ Hellowork Hello Work1”, a new type of employment agency has opened in 12 cities across the country including Tokyo, Osaka, Nagoya, Sapporo and Sendai. The agency specializes in helping child-raising women find new employment and hence all of its offices are located close to railway stations to enable its clients to visit them with their children with ease. The agency assigns a consultant specified for each client to consistently provide individual support until the client finds a job.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       ハローワークは日本語ですが、日本の英字新聞ではHelloworkと表現されています。若者向けの仕事をするYoung Helloworkというのもあります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Mothers’ Hellowork”, a new type of employment agency has opened in 12 cities across the country including Tokyo, Osaka, Nagoya, Sapporo and Sendai. The agency specializes in helping child-raising women find new employment and hence all of its offices are located close to railway stations to enable its clients to visit them with their children with ease. The agency assigns a consultant specified for each client to consistently provide individual support until the client finds a job.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、16 November 07

 

New employment agencies opened in 12 cities such as Tokyo, Osaka, Nagoya, Sapporo and Sendai throughout Japan. Its name is called Mother's Hello Work. Mother's Hello Work helps women growing their children with outplacement service. Besides, new employment agencies are built near a station so that women can easily visit them with their children. An advisor is exclusive to one woman and supports her until she gets a job.

 

添削

 

A1 Nnew public employment agencyies for mothers2 opened in 12 cities such as Tokyo, Osaka, Nagoya, Sapporo and Sendai throughout Japan. Its name is called Mother's Hello Work. Mother's Hello Work helps women raising growing their children with outplacement services. Besides, The new employment agenciesy is are built near a railway station so that mothers3 women can easily visit it them with their children. An advisor is assigned exclusive to each mother and the same advisor4 one woman and supports the mother her until she gets a job.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       一つの職業紹介所で代表するとよいでしょう。

 

2.       特別な職業紹介所であることを文章の始めで記述するとよいでしょう。

 

3.       女性一般でなく母親のための職業紹介所ということなのでmothersで統一するとよいでしょう。

 

4.       exclusiveは「他を除外した」なので使い方が難しいです。An advisor is exclusively assigned to each mother. とすると「あるアドバイザーが(他の母親の面倒は見ない)でそれぞれの母親に割り当てられる」ですから、母親の数だけアドバイザーが必要になります。A specific advisor is assigned to each mother.なら「ある決まったアドバイザーがそれぞれの母親に割り当てられる」で日本文の意味になります。添削では文脈からthe same advisorにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new public employment agency for mothers opened in 12 cities such as Tokyo, Osaka, Nagoya, Sapporo and Sendai throughout Japan. It is called Mother's Hello Work. Mother's Hello Work helps women raising their children with outplacement services. The new employment agency is built near a railway station so that mothers can easily visit it with their children. An advisor is assigned to each mother and the same advisor supports the mother  until she gets a job.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、7 June 06

 

The "Mother's Hello Work," a new type of placement agency which helps child-raising women getting reemployed, has opened its offices in twelve cities in the nation including Tokyo, Osaka, Nagoya, Sapporo and Sendai. All the offices are located close to train stations so that mothers can feel free to visit them with children.  At the agency, each mother can get full, individual support by having one particular staff member attached till she gets employed.

 

添削

 

The "Mother's Hello Work," a new type of placement agency which helps child-raising women getting to get reemployed1, has opened its offices in twelve cities in the nation including Tokyo, Osaka, Nagoya, Sapporo and Sendai. All the offices are located close to train stations so that mothers can feel free to visit them with children. At the agency, each mother can get full, individual support by having one particular staff member attached assigned to her tilluntil she gets employed a job2.

 

コメント

 

1.       子育て中の女性の再就職を支援する新しいタイプの職業紹介所」の下線部分の連体形修飾節を関係代名詞節を文中に入れてうまく表現していますね。

 

2.       get employedと同じ意味ですが、get a jobとしたほうが印象が具体的になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The "Mother's Hello Work," a new type of placement agency which helps child-raising women to get reemployed, has opened its offices in twelve cities in the nation including Tokyo, Osaka, Nagoya, Sapporo and Sendai. All the offices are located close to train stations so that mothers can feel free to visit them with children. At the agency, each mother can get full, individual support by having one particular staff member assigned to her until she gets a job.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(さくら、11 May 06

 

Offices of theMothers ‘Hello Work, a new type of employment agencies opened in twelve cities in Japan such as Tokyo, Osaka, Nagoya, Sapporo, Sendai and others. Mothers Hello Workis intended to support mothers who want to work again even though they are now bringing their children. The new offices are located near the stations, so mothers with children can easily visit there. Each mother will be supported by an individually fixed staff until she gets a job.

 

添削

 

 Offices of theMothersHello Work”, a new type of employment placement1 agencies, opened in twelve cities in Japan such as Tokyo, Osaka, Nagoya, Sapporo, Sendai and others. ”Mothers’ Hello Workis intended to support help mothers who want to work again even though while they are now bringing raising their children. The new offices agencies are located near the stations, so that2 mothers with children can easily visit there. Each mother will be supported by an individually fixed assigned member of the staff3 until she gets a job.

 

 

コメント

 

1.       この種類の職業紹介所をa placement agencyといいます。求職者を仕事にplaceするという言い方が面白いですね。

 

2.       so thatで続けたほうが文の前半と後半の因果関係がつよくなります。

 

3.       an individually assigned member of the staffと長い名詞節ですが、単語の関係がはっきりしているので意味がすぐにわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

MothersHello Work”, a new type of placement agencies, opened in twelve cities such as Tokyo, Osaka, Nagoya, Sapporo, Sendai and others. ”Mothers’ Hello Workis intended to help mothers who want to work again while they are now raising their children. The new agencies are located near stations so that mothers with children can easily visit there. Each mother will be supported by an individually assigned member of the staff until she gets a job.

 

 

初級練習問題 277

 

三菱ビルテクノサービスは「考える防犯カメラ」をエレベーター内に設置している。この防犯カメラはエレベーター内での人の動きを分析し、「襲いかかる、もみあう」などの異常な動きを観測したときは、エレベーターを最寄の階で自動停止させ、ドアーを開いて、アラームを鳴らす。

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 29 August 12

 

Mitsubishi Electric Building Technoservice Co., LTD has installed "an evolved security camera" which can automatically analyze people's movements taken with the camera in all its elevators. When a security camera with this analyzer judges that a person in an elevator shows abnormal behaviors including attacking or struggling with fellow passengers, it transmits a signal to make this problematic elevator stop at the nearest floor. Then, the door of the elevator opens on arrival and an alarm goes off.

 

添削

 

Mitsubishi Electric Building Technoservice Co., LTD has installed "a thinking an evolved security video camera" which can automatically analyze people's movements taken with the camera in the all its elevators in all of its elevators. When this a security camera with this analyzer judges that a person in the an elevator shows abnormal behaviors including attacking or struggling with other fellow passengers, it transmits a signal to make this problematic elevator stops the elevator1 at the nearest floor,. Then, the opens the door of the elevator opens on arrival and an alarm goes off an alarm.

 

コメント

 

内容のほぼすべてがわかりますが、an evolved cameraの意味がわかりません。

 

1.       最初の主語だけで関連した動作をすべて説明した方が文章にスピード感がでます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Mitsubishi Electric Building Technoservice Co., LTD has installed "a thinking security video camera" which can automatically analyze people's movements in the elevator in all of its elevators. When this security camera judges that a person in the elevator shows abnormal behaviors including attacking or struggling with other passengers, it stops the elevator at the nearest floor, opens the door of the elevator goes off an alarm.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 2 July 10

 

Mitsubishi Building Technoservice has installed an “intelligent security camera” in all of the elevators it is taking care of. This security camera monitors and analyzes people’s movements in the elevator car and when it detects such abnormal movements as attacking or struggling, it automatically forces the car to stop at the nearest floor, opens the door and activates the alarm system.

 

添削

 

Mitsubishi Building Technoservice is installing has installed an “intelligent security camera” in all of the elevators it is taking care of. This security camera monitors and analyzes people’s movements in the elevator car and when it detects such abnormal movements such as attacking or struggling, it automatically forces the car to stop at the nearest floor, opens the door and activates the alarm system.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Mitsubishi Building Technoservice is installing an “intelligent security camera” in all of the elevators it is taking care of. This security camera monitors and analyzes people’s movements in the elevator car and when it detects abnormal movements such as attacking or struggling, it automatically forces the car to stop at the nearest floor, opens the door and activates the alarm system.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、17 November 07

 

Mitsubishi Building Techno Service, Ltd. put the latest security camera in their elevators. This camera can analyze human being's movements. If this camera observes abnormal movements such as an attack and a struggle in an elevator, the elevator automatically stops at the nearest floor, opens doors and rings an alarm.

 

添削

 

Mitsubishi Building Techno Service, Ltd. put is placing1 a new kind of the latest security camera in their elevators. This camera can capture and analyze human being's movements. If the this camera observes abnormal movements such as an attack and a struggle in the an elevator, the elevator automatically stops at the nearest floor, opens the doors and rings an alarm.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「エレベーター内に設置している」は、新型の防犯カメラが出来たので、これを既設のエレベーターに順次設置中である、と解釈できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Mitsubishi Building Techno Service, Ltd. is placing a new kind of security camera in their elevators. This camera can capture and analyze human movements. If the camera observes abnormal movements such as an attack and a struggle in the elevator, the elevator automatically stops at the nearest floor, opens the doors and rings an alarm.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、9 June 06

 

Mitsubishi Electric Building Techno-Service Co., Ltd. installs the "security camera that can think" in its elevators. The security camera analyzes the motions of passengers in an elevator. If unusual motions such as "attacking and grappling" are detected, it automatically stops the elevator on the nearest floor, opens the door and sounds an alarm.

 

添削

 

Mitsubishi Electric Building Techno-Service Co., Ltd. installs the a "security camera that can think" in its elevators. The security camera analyzes the motions of passengers in an elevator. If unusual motions such as "attacking and grappling" are detected, it automatically stops the elevator on at the nearest floor, opens the door and sounds an alarm.

 

コメント

 

わかりやすい英文ですね。日本文では「この防犯カメラは〜」と長い文ですが、「〜分析し、〜」という形で内容が続きます。英文ではマウント60さんのように、ここで一度文を切って、新しい文を始めると文章全体がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Mitsubishi Electric Building Techno-Service Co., Ltd. installs a "security camera that can think" in its elevators. The security camera analyzes the motions of passengers in an elevator. If unusual motions such as "attacking and grappling" are detected, it automatically stops the elevator at the nearest floor, opens the door and sounds an alarm.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(さくら、11 May 06

 

The Mitsubishi Electric building techno-service Co,. Lid. has installed a “thinking security camera” in an elevator. This security camera can analyze behaviors of people in the elevator. If it senses a dangerous human action like “attack”, “struggle” and others, it automatically stops the elevator at the nearest floor and opens the door with ringing the alarm bell.

 

添削

 

The Mitsubishi Building Technoservice Electric building techno-service Co,. Lid. has installed a “thinking security camera” in an the elevator. This security camera can analyze behaviors of people in the elevator. If When it senses recognizes a dangerous human action movements associated with such behaviors as like “attacking and,  “struggleing1 and others, it automatically stops the elevator at the nearest floor, and opens the door, and rings2 with ringing the an alarm bell.

コメント

1.       ここは「襲いかかる、もみあう、などの異常な動きを観測したとき」がカメラの大切な機能なので細かく説明したほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       stops the elevator, opens the door, and rings an alarm bellと一連の動作を同じ形式で表現すると印象が強くなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Mitsubishi Building Technoservice has installed a “thinking security camera” in the elevator. This security camera can analyze behaviors of people in the elevator. When it recognizes human movements associated with such behaviors as “attacking” and “struggling”, it automatically stops the elevator at the nearest floor, opens the door, and rings an alarm bell.

 

 

初級練習問題 278

 

JRの駅構内に多様な店舗が入居して繁盛している中で、東京都はこうした「駅ナカ」施設が入っている駅舎用地の固定資産税の評価基準を見直すことにした。駅舎は鉄道用地に指定されているため、周囲の土地価格の三分の一程度に評価され、その結果固定資産税も安い。このため駅周囲の商店街との著しい税負担の不公平が問題化した。

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 1 September 12

 

The Government of Tokyo has decided to review an assessment standard for the municipal property tax at JR stations where various kind of shops are housing.  Since the JR stations have officially been designated as railway lands, the value based on local realty listings for these places is about one-third. Thus, the municipal property tax rate at the JR stations is lower than that around the stations. Furthermore, including the fact that the shops at the JR stations have a booming business, unfair burdens of the tax problem are growing into a big issue between shops at JR stations and around the stations.

 

添削

 

The Government of Tokyo has decided to review an the assessment standard for the municipal property tax at JR stations where various kind of shops are located housing.  Since the JR stations have officially been designated as railway lands, their property values are assessed at about one-third of those1 based on the local realty listings for these places is about one-third. Thus, the municipal property taxes2 rate at the JR stations are is lower than that those around the stations. Furthermore, including As the fact that the shops at the JR stations are have a booming business, their advantages in the property taxes3 unfair burdens of the tax problem are creating growing into a big issue between the shops at JR stations and those around the stations.

 

コメント

 

内容の大体はわかりますが、はっきりしないところがあります。

 

1.       駅舎用地の固定資産税の評価基準は特別で、駅周辺の土地の評価基準(the local realty listing、実際は国税庁の路線価格ですが)と異なる、ということをはっきりするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       ここでは実際の固定資産税額ですからrate(税率)ではありません。

 

3.       駅ナカは固定資産税が周囲の駅周囲に商店より低いという有利がある、としたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Government of Tokyo has decided to review the assessment standard for the municipal property tax at JR stations where various kind of shops are located. Since the JR stations have officially been designated as railway lands, their property values are assessed at about one-third of those based on the local realty listings. Thus, the municipal property taxes at the JR stations are lower than those around the stations. As the shops at the JR stations are booming, their advantages in the property taxes are creating a big issue between the shops at JR stations and those around the stations.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 2 July 10

 

In the wake of booming success of various tenant shops on the premise of JR stations, the Tokyo metropolitan government is going to reassess the valuation standards for fixed asset tax applicable to the site for train station facilities where such shops are housed in. Train station facilities are currently categorized into railway premises which are, from their nature, appraised at as low as one thirds of the value of neighboring lands for tax purposes. Consequently, the fixed asset taxes on these properties are much lower than those imposed on shopping malls around the station, giving the shops on the JR premises an unfair competitive advantage over the shops around the station.

 

添削

 

In the wake of booming success of various tenant shops on the premise of JR stations, the Tokyo metropolitan government is going to reassess the valuation standards for the fixed asset property tax applicable to the site for train station facilities where such shops are housed in. Train station facilities are currently categorized into railway premises which are, from their nature, appraised at as low as one thirds of the value of neighboring lands for tax purposes. Consequently, the property fixed asset taxes on these properties are much lower than those imposed on the stores shopping malls around the station, giving the tenant shops on the JR premises an unfair competitive advantages over the stores shops around the station.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

In the wake of booming success of various tenant shops on the premise of JR stations, the Tokyo metropolitan government is going to reassess the valuation standard for the  property tax applicable to the site for train station facilities where such shops are housed in. Train station facilities are currently categorized into railway premises which are appraised  as low as one thirds of the value of neighboring lands for tax purposes. Consequently, the property taxes on these properties are much lower than those imposed on the stores  around the station, giving the tenant shops on the JR premises unfair advantages over the stores around the station.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、17 November 07

 

There are various kinds of prosperous stores in the premises of JR stations. The Tokyo metropolitan government decided to review the evaluation standards of fixed assets tax on the land of a station house which has many stores. As the land of a station house is designated as a railway land, it is evaluated to one-third of land prices around a station. Therefore, compared with shopping street around a station, fixed assets tax on the land is remarkably low. This causes unfair burdens of taxes.

 

添削

 

There are now various kinds of prosperous stores on in the premises of JR stations. The Tokyo metropolitan government has decided to review the tax assessment rules for railway lands where station facilities are built evaluation standards of fixed assets tax on the land of a station house which has many stores. As the land used for railway facilities including shopping centers of a station house is currently designated as a railway land, it is assessed evaluated to at one-third of the land prices around the a station. Therefore, JR stations pay much lower property taxes than shops around the stations. compared with shopping street around a station, fixed assets tax on the land is remarkably low. The owners of the shops around the JR stations are complaining that Tthis causes gives a favourable tax treatment to JR stations and causes unfair competition between the shops on the JR premises and those on the streets around the stations burdens of taxes.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てが読み解けますが、添削のようにするとわかりやすくなります。

 

1.       「このため駅周囲の商店街との著しい税負担の不公平が問題化した。」は既に前の文で駅舎用地の固定資産税が安いことを言っているの不必要に思えます。最期の英文を省略してもよいでしょう。もし、ここのところを英文で補足すると、添削のような内容になるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

There are now various kinds of prosperous stores on the premises of JR stations. The Tokyo metropolitan government has decided to review the tax assessment rules for railway lands where station facilities are built. As the land used for railway facilities including shopping centers is currently designated as a railway land, it is assessed at one-third of the land  around the station. Therefore, JR stations pay much lower property taxes than shops around the stations. The owners of the shops around the JR stations are complaining that this gives a favourable tax treatment to JR stations and causes unfair competition between the shops on the JR premises and those on the streets around the stations.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、10 June 06

 

While a wide variety of tenant shops in JR station buildings enjoy good sales, the Tokyo Prefectural Government decided to review the evaluation standards for fixed asset tax levied on the lands for station buildings in which these "in-the-station" facilities are included. The station buildings are on the lands designated as railway territory, so the assessment is only about one-third that of the surrounding area and JR has only to pay low tax for its fixed assets. As a result, the surrounding shopping malls voiced feelings of unfairness over extremely disproportionate burden of taxes.

 

添削

 

While a wide variety of tenant shops in JR station buildings enjoy good sales1, the Tokyo Prefectural Government decided to review the evaluation2 standards for fixed asset taxes levied on the lands for station buildings in which these "in-the-station" facilities are included. The station buildings are on the lands designated as a railway territory, so the assessment is only about one-third that of the surrounding area and JR has only to pay low taxes for its fixed assets. As a result, the surrounding shopping malls around the stations3 voiced their feelings of about the unfairness over of their4 extremely disproportionate burden of taxes.

 

コメント

 

1.       JRの駅構内に多様な店舗が入居して繁盛している中で」をWhile a wide variety of tenant shops in JR station buildings enjoy good salesと簡明に表現していますね。「店舗が入居」をtenant shopsと表現したことで文が簡単になっています。

 

2.       課税のための不動産の評価にはassessmentが通常使われます。

 

3.       around the stationsとしたほうがイメージが具体的になります。

 

4.       添削のように代名詞と前置詞を使うとここに出てくる単語の関係がはっきりして内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

While a wide variety of tenant shops in JR station buildings enjoy good sales, the Tokyo Prefectural Government decided to review the evaluation standards for fixed asset taxes levied on the lands for station buildings in which these "in-the-station" facilities are included. The station buildings are on the lands designated as a railway territory, so the assessment is only about one-third of the surrounding area and JR has only to pay low taxes for its fixed assets. As a result, the shopping malls around the stations voiced their feelings about the unfairness of their extremely disproportionate burden of taxes.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(さくら、12 May 06

 

There are many prosperous shops in the premises of JR stations. Tokyo Metropolitan Government decided to revise the assessment criteria of property taxes for the station sites.  As the station premise is categorized as railroad usage, the value of land is evaluated about one third of the adjacent land and the property tax is also set cheep. A wide difference of the tax burden from the shops around the stations came to the surface.

 

添削

 

There are many prosperous shops in on the premises of JR stations. Tokyo Metropolitan Government decided to revise the assessment criteria of for property taxes for the station sites1. As the station premise is categorized as railroad usage, the value of land is evaluated about one third of the adjacent land and the property tax is also set cheep. A wide difference of in the tax burden from between the shops around the stations and the shops on the JR premises came to the surface and forced Tokyo Metropolitan Government to the reassessment of property taxes2.

 

コメント

 

1.       原文は二つの長い文から構成されていますが、この内容を英文で表現するときにはどのように内容を整理するかがポイントですね。日本文の内容をどこで切って、わかりやすい英文で表現するかが工夫のしどころです。さくらさんは上手に整理していますね。

 

2.       日本文は「税負担の不公平が問題化した。」と終わっていますが、英文ではこのままでは尻切れトンボの印象になるので、投稿のように説明を付け加えておいたほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

There are many prosperous shops on the premises of JR stations. Tokyo Metropolitan Government decided to revise the assessment criteria for property taxes for the station sites. As the station premise is categorized as railroad usage, the value of land is evaluated about one third of the adjacent land and the property tax is also set cheep. A wide difference in the tax burden between the shops around the stations and the shops on the JR premises came to the surface and forced Tokyo Metropolitan Government to the reassessment of property taxes.

 

 

初級練習問題 279

 

箱根町の温泉テーマパークにきょう4月15日、人と魚が一緒につかる湯船がオープンする。トルコの王宮をイメージしたという八角形の大浴槽に約1000匹が放たれる。魚は「ガラ・ルファ」という名のトルコやヨルダンなどに生息する淡水魚で体長3〜5センチ。人の皮膚をついばむ習性がある。トルコでは皮膚病の治療に使われたという言い伝えもあり、別名ドクター・フッシュと呼ばれる。

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 1 September 12

 

A new type of a hot bathtub with fish opens at a hot spring theme park in Hakone City today on April 15. The total of thousand fish are in the big bathtub which is octagonal-shaped in Turkish palace style. The fish named "Garra rufa", three to five centimeters long, inhabits fresh water in Turkey and Jordan, and has a habit of picking human's skin. In Turkey, It is said that this fish had been used in the treatment of skin diseases. Thus, it is also known by the name of the "Doctor Fish". 

 

添削

 

A new type of a hot bathtub with fish opens at a hot spring theme park in Hakone City today on April 15. The total of thousand fish are in the big bathtub which is octagonal-shaped like those in Turkish palaces style. The fish named "Garra rufa", three to five centimeters long, inhabits the fresh water in Turkey and Jordan, and have has a habit of picking human's skins. In Turkey, It is said that these this fish were had been used in the treatment of skin diseases. Thus, the fish are it is also known by the name of the "Doctor Fish". 

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new type of a hot bathtub with fish opens at a hot spring theme park in Hakone City today on April 15. The total of thousand fish are in the big bathtub which is octagonal-shaped like those in Turkish palaces. The fish named "Garra rufa", three to five centimeters long, inhabit the fresh water in Turkey and Jordan, and have a habit of picking human's skins. In Turkey, It is said that these fish were used in the treatment of skin diseases. Thus, the fish are also known by the name of the "Doctor Fish". 

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 3 June 10

 

Today, on April 15, a hot-spring theme park in Hakone-machi, Kanagawa Prefecture is going to open a new bathtub wherein visitors can soak with fish. About 1,000 small fish will be released into a large octagonal bathtub resembling a Turkish royal palace. Named “Garra rufa”, the fish are about 3 to 5 centimeters long freshwater fish living in Turkey and Jordan and have a habit of pecking human skins. A Turkish legend has it that the fish were once used to treat skin diseases and for this reason, they are also known as doctor fish.

 

添削

 

Today, on April 15, a hot -spring theme park in Hakone-machi, Kanagawa Prefecture is going to open a new bathtub wherein visitors can soak in the bathtub with fish. About 1,000 small fish will be released into the a large octagonal bathtub resembling that in a Turkish royal palace. Named “Garra rufa”, the fish are about 3 to 5 centimeters long freshwater fish living in Turkey and Jordan and have a habit of pecking human skins. A Turkish legend has it that the fish were once used to treat skin diseases and for this reason, they are also known as doctor fish.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Today, on April 15, a hot spring theme park in Hakone-machi, Kanagawa Prefecture is going to open a new bathtub wherein visitors can soak in the bathtub with fish. About 1,000 small fish will be released into the large octagonal bathtub resembling that in a Turkish royal palace. Named “Garra rufa”, the fish are about 3 to 5 centimeters long freshwater fish in Turkey and Jordan and have a habit of pecking human skins. A Turkish legend has it that the fish were once used to treat skin diseases and for this reason, they are also known as doctor fish.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、18 Nov 07

 

A hot spring theme park which has an interesting bath will open at Hakone Town on April 15. Sightseers can soak in the bathtub with fish. About a thousand fish will be released in the octagon-shaped large bathtub which has the image of a Turkish palace. The fish called Garra ruffa is freshwater fish between three and five centimeters in length which lives in Turkey and Jordan. It has a habit to eat people's skin. According to a legend in Turkey, Garra ruffa was used for the treatment of skin diseases. Garra ruffa is also known as doctor fish.

 

添削

 

A large hot bathtub with fish A hot spring theme park which has an interesting bath will open at a hot spring theme park in at Hakone Town on April 151. Visitors can soak in the bathtub with fish. About a thousand fish will have been released in the octagon-shaped large bathtub which imitates has the image of that in a Turkish palace. The fish are2 called Garra Rufa. They are ruffa is freshwater fish of between three to and five centimeters in length and which lives in Turkey and Jordan. They have It has a habit of pecking at and to eating people's skins. According to a legend in Turkey, the Garra Rufa ruffa were was used for the treatment of skin diseases. and Garra ruffa are is also known as doctor fish.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかりますが、日本文の内容と異なるところがあります。温泉テーマパークは既存のもので、ここに奇妙な浴槽が誕生した、ということだとおもいます。

 

1.       a large hot bathtub with fishと最初の文でこの温泉の奇妙なところを書くと読者の興味が高まります。

 

2.       1000匹の魚ということなので、複数形で統一するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A large hot bathtub with fish will open at a hot spring theme park in Hakone Town on April 15. Visitors can soak in the bathtub with fish. About a thousand fish have been released in the octagon-shaped large bathtub which imitates that in a Turkish palace. The fish are called Garra Rufa. They are freshwater fish of three to five centimeters in length and live in Turkey and Jordan. They have a habit of pecking at and eating people's skins. According to a legend in Turkey, the Garra Rufa were used for the treatment of skin diseases and are also known as doctor fish.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、14 June 06

 

At a theme park featuring hot springs in Hakone Machi, a bathtub that men and fish can soak in together is going to be shown to the public today on April 15. About a thousand fish will be released into a large octagonal bathtub said to be made in the image of a royal palace in Turkey. The fish is called "garra rufa," a freshwater fish of three to five centimeters in length found in Turkey and Jordan. It has a habit of nibbling at human skin. In Turkey, folklore has it that the fish was used in order to cure skin diseases, and it is also known as a doctor fish.

 

添削

 

At a theme park featuring hot springs in Hakone Machi, a bathtub that men and fish can soak in together is going to be shown to the public today on April 15. About a thousand fish will be released into a large octagonal bathtub, which is1 said to be made in the image of a royal palace in Turkey. The fish is called "garra rufa," a freshwater fish of three to five centimeters in length found in Turkey and Jordan2. It has a habit of nibbling at human skins. In Turkey, folklore has it that the fish was used in order to cure skin diseases, and that is why3 it is also known as a doctor fish.

 

コメント

 

1.       文の前半は魚の話なので、ここで一息いれてバスタブの話にするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       「ガラ・ルファという名のトルコやヨルダンなどに生息する淡水魚で体長3〜5センチ。」をThe fish is called "garra rufa," a freshwater fish of three to five centimeters in length found in Turkey and Jordan.と表現して”gara rufa”, a freshwater fish ~としてあるのが簡潔でわかりやすいですね。

 

3.       ここは前半が過去の話で、後半は今のことなので、that is why ~といれると前後のつながりがよくなるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

At a theme park featuring hot springs in Hakone Machi, a bathtub that men and fish can soak in together is going to be shown to the public today on April 15. About a thousand fish will be released into a large octagonal bathtub, which is said to be made in the image of a royal palace in Turkey. The fish is called "garra rufa," a freshwater fish of three to five centimeters in length found in Turkey and Jordan. It has a habit of nibbling at human skins. In Turkey, folklore has it that the fish was used in order to cure skin diseases, and that is why it is also known as a doctor fish.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(さくら、16 May 06

 

A new bath where people can sock with fish opens today, April 15, at a theme park for hot spring in Hakone town. About 1000 fish are to be released in a large octagonal bathtub that was made to have an atmosphere of a Turkish palace. The fish is “Garra Rufa”, a 3-5 centimeters long freshwater fish which lives in the countries like turkey and Jordan.It has a habit to nibble human skins. There is a Turkish lore that the fish was used for treatment of skin diseases. The fish is also called  "doctor fish".

 

添削

 

A new bath where people can sock play with fish opens today, April 15, at a theme park for hot springs in Hakone tTown. About 1000 fish are to be released in a large octagonal bathtub that was is1 made to have an atmosphere of a Turkish palace. The fish is “Garra Rufa”2, a 3-5 centimeters long freshwater fish which lives in the countries like tTurkey and Jordan. It has a habit to of nibble nibbling at3 human skins. There is a Turkish lore that the fish was used for the treatment of skin diseases. That is why4 Tthe fish is also called the "doctor fish".

 

コメント

 

浴槽が出来たのは過去ですが、現在もこのような状態なので現在形がよいでしょう。

 

ガラ・ルファでインターネットを検索するとGarra Fufaという英語名と魚の説明が幾つか見付かりますね。驚きました。珍しい固有名詞でどうしても英語の正式名が見付からないときは音をとってgararufaまたはgalarufaとでも書こうと思っていましたが、インターネット時代では一応インターネットで調べてみるべきですね。

 

nibbleは他動詞なのでnibble human skinsでもよいのですが、こうするとパクパクと皮膚をついばむ、という感じなので、nibble at human skinsチョイチョイと皮膚をついばむ、にしました。

こうすると前の文とのつながりがよくなります。全体に読みやすい英文ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new bath where people can play with fish opens today, April 15, at a theme park for hot springs in Hakone Town. About 1000 fish are to be released in a large octagonal bathtub that is made to have an atmosphere of a Turkish palace. The fish is “Garra Rufa”, a 3-5 centimeters long freshwater fish which lives in the countries like Turkey and Jordan. It has a habit of nibbling at human skins. There is a Turkish lore that the fish was used for the treatment of skin diseases. That is why the fish is also called the "doctor fish".

 

 

初級練習問題 280

 

岡山県吉備中央町は昨年10月に導入したお年寄りが“生活の足”として乗ったタクシーの料金の3分の1を助成する「ふれあいタクシー」制度を4月から本格的に実施し、制度を拡充する。24時間いつでも利用可能とし、対象の最低年齢を70歳から65歳に引き下げる。利用限度額は設けていないのが特徴。通院利用が65%を占め、買い物や郵便局、路線バスの停留所へ行くのに使われるなど次第に生活に浸透している。

 

読者からの投稿 6(Lucca, 11 September 12

 

Kibicyuou Town in Okayama Prefecture has introduced a new program called "caring taxi " since last October on trial. The town decided to expand the program further and is going to move forward with full-scale implementation this April. This caring taxi is used to assist the elder people for their daily lives. The town has supported the expense of one-third of taxi fare. From April, the taxis will be available 24 hours a day. The town will lower the age of taxi users from the current age of 70 to 65. Characteristically, there is no payment limit. The program gradually begin to be used in their daily lives. About 65 percent of the elderly people are using the taxis for going to hospital. Otherwise, the taxis are used for going to shops, post offices and local bus stops.

 

添削

 

Kibicyuou Town in Okayama Prefecture has1 introduced a new program called "the caring taxi " since last October on trial. Now Tthe town has2 decided to expand the program further and is going to move forward to its with full-scale implementation this April. This caring taxi is used to assists the elder people in for their daily lives. The town subsidizes has supported the expense of one-third of taxi fare. From April, the taxis will be available for 24 hours a day and. Tthe town will lower the age of taxi users from the current age of 70 to 65. One of major features of the program is that Characteristically, there is no payment limit on the use of the program. The program gradually begin to be used by more and more elder people in their daily lives. About 65 percent of the caring taxi is used the elderly people are using the taxis for going to hospital. Other uses include Otherwise, the taxis are used for going to shops, post offices and local bus stops.

 

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかりますが、About 65 percent of the elderly people are using the taxis for going to hospital.と日本文の「通院利用が65%を占める」とは内容が異なるとおもいます。

 

1.       introducedは何かが始まった、ことですから、単純過去形にします。そしてsince last Octoberではなくて(in) last Octoberにします。

 

2.       ここは町が何かを決議したことを強調するので現在完了形がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Kibicyuou Town in Okayama Prefecture introduced a new program called "the caring taxi "  last October on trial. Now the town has decided to expand the program further and is going to move forward to its full-scale implementation this April. This caring taxi assists elder people in their daily lives. The town subsidizes one-third of taxi fare. From April, the taxi will be available for 24 hours a day and the town will lower the age of taxi users from the current age of 70 to 65. One of major features of the program is that there is no limit on the use of the program. The program gradually begin to be used by more and more elder people in their daily lives. About 65 percent of the caring taxi is used for going to hospital. Other uses include for going to shops, post offices and local bus stops.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(OKEN, 25 July 12

 

Last October, Kibi-Chuou Town in Okayama Prefecture introduced a system called “Hureai Taxi (friendly taxi)” which provided a third of taxi fare when elderly people used a taxi as “a tool for daily life”. The town will start to implement the system on a full scale this April and expand its application as follows; It is available anytime 24 hours a day and the minimum age limit is lowered from 70 to 65 years. One of its features is that no expense limit is set. At present, 65 percent of people have used the system for their hospital visits. Some people have used it for shopping and going to post offices or bus stops. These facts show that the system is prevailing gradually in people’s life.

 

添削

 

Last October, Kibi-Chuou Town in Okayama Prefecture introduced a system program1 called “Hureai Taxi (friendly taxi),” which charged provided a third of the regular taxi fare when elderly people used a taxi as “a tool for daily life”. Now, Tthe town is going will start  to implement expand the program system to on a full scale this April and expand its application as follows; . The program will be It is available for anytime 24 hours a day and the minimum age limit will be is lowered from 70 to 65 years. One of its features is that there is no expense limit on the amount of program services available. is set. At present, 65 percent of the services people have are2 used the system for their going to hospital visits. Some people are have used using the services it for shopping and going to post offices3 or bus stops. These facts show that the program system is prevailing gradually prevailing in people’s daily life.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       日本文にはよく「制度」という言葉が使われますが、これは議会制度のような世の中の大きな仕組み a systemと上の例題のような小さなもの a programの両方の意味があります。英文では「制度」の内容により、a systema program をつかいわけます。

 

2.       現在形でよいでしょう。

 

3.       going to school, going to hospitalとどうようにgoing to post officeで「郵便局で郵便を出したり貯金をしたりするために行く」という意味になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Last October, Kibi-Chuou Town in Okayama Prefecture introduced a program called “Hureai Taxi (friendly taxi),” which charged a third of the regular taxi fare when elderly people used a taxi as “a tool for daily life”. Now, the town is going to expand the program to a full scale this April. The program will be available for 24 hours a day and the minimum age limit will be  lowered from 70 to 65 years. One of its features is that there is no limit on the amount of program services available. At present, 65 percent of the services are used for going to hospital. Some people are using the services for shopping and going to post office or bus stops. These facts show that the program is gradually prevailing in people’s daily life.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 3 July 10

 

The Town of Kibichuo, Okayama Prefecture, introduced a welfare program called “Senior-Friendly Taxi“ where the town subsidizes one thirds of a taxi fare its elderly citizens paid as their daily necessity in October last year.  The town will enter into a full-scale implantation of the program in this April while at the same time expanding the scope of the program.  The expanded program will cover a use of taxi at all hours of the day and night and the minimum age eligible for the program will also be lowered to 65 from current 70 years old. The program is characterized by an absence of ceiling on the amount of the subsidy. As for application of the subsidy, people use 65%of the fund when they visit hospital. They use the fund when they go to shops, post offices and local bus stops as well. The program seems to be gradually becoming a part of people’s daily lives.

 

添削

 

The Town of Kibichuo, Okayama Prefecture, has introduced a welfare program called “Senior-Friendly Taxi“ by which where the town subsidizes one thirds of a taxi fare when its elderly citizens use a taxi for paid as their daily necessityies in October last year.  The town will enter fully implement nto a full-scale implantation of the program in this April and while at the same time expanding the scope of the program.  The expanded program will cover a use of taxi services at all hours of the day and night and the minimum age eligible for the program will also be lowered to 65 from the current 70 years old. The program is characterized by an absence of ceiling on the maximum amount of the subsidy the elderly citizens can get. As for application of the subsidy, people use About 65%of the program is used1 fund when the elderly citizens they visit hospital. The program is also They used the fund when they go to shops, post offices and local bus stops as well. The program seems to be gradually becoming a part of people’s daily lives.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       受動態になりますが、the programを主語のしたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Town of Kibichuo, Okayama Prefecture, has introduced a welfare program called “Senior-Friendly Taxi“ by which the town subsidizes one third of a taxi fare when its elderly citizens use a taxi for their daily necessities in October last year. The town will fully implement the program this April and expand the scope of the program. The expanded program will cover taxi services at all hours of the day and night and the minimum age eligible for the program will be lowered to 65 from the current 70 years old. The program is characterized by an absence of the maximum amount of the subsidy the elderly citizens can get. About 65%of the program is used when the elderly citizens visit hospital. The program is also used when they go to shops, post offices and local bus stops as well. The program seems to be gradually becoming a part of people’s daily lives.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、19 November 07

 

A taxi system for elderly people was introduced to Kibityuo Town in Okayama Prefecture last October. The town will expand this system to officially implement it on April. When elderly people use a taxi for their life, the town will assist one-third of their taxi fare from this coming April. Even if elderly people use a taxi at all hours of the day and night, they will be able to use the system. The minimum age that can use the system will be reduced from 75 years old to 65. A limit will be not set to a taxi fare. Sixty-five percent of people use the system to go to clinics and hospitals. As many people use the system to go to a store, a post office or a bus stop, it is gradually spreading to their life.

 

添削

 

A taxi system program for elderly people was introduced to Kibichuou Kibityuo Town in Okayama Prefecture last October on a trial basis1. The town has now decided to formally implement the program and will expand the services in this system to officially implement it on April. When elderly people use a taxi for their daily life, the town will subsidize assist one-third of their taxi fare from this coming April. Even when if elderly people use a taxi at all hours of the day and night, they will be able to use the program system. The minimum age that can use the system will be also reduced from 75 years old to 65 years old. No A limit will be not set to a taxi fare. At present, Ssixty-five percent of people who use the program system to take the taxi to go to clinics and hospitals. As many people use the program system to go to a store, a post office or a bus stop, it the program is gradually spreading to cover a wide variety of activities in to their life.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「試験的に」を入れておくと、次の文との関連がよくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A taxi program for elderly people was introduced to Kibichuou Town in Okayama Prefecture last October on a trial basis. The town has now decided to formally implement the program and expand the services in April. When elderly people use a taxi for their daily life, the town will subsidize one-third of their taxi fare. Even when elderly people use a taxi at all hours of the day and night, they will be able to use the program. The minimum age that can use the system will be also reduced from 75 to 65 years old. No limit will be set to a taxi fare. At present, sixty-five percent of people who use the program take the taxi to go to clinics and hospitals. As many people use the program to go to a store, a post office or a bus stop, the program is gradually spreading to cover a wide variety of activities in their life.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、23 June 06

 

The Town of Kibichuo, Okayama Prefecture had started last October the "Senior-Friendly Taxi" program to subsidize one third of the taxi fare paid by elderly people for "everyday needs." The program was then carried out on a full-scale operation for upgrading in April.  The town will make it possible to apply for the program 24 hours a day and lower the minimum age requirements from 70 to 65. The program is unique in that it has no payment limit. Taking a taxi to the hospital accounts for 65% of all the purposes which include going shopping, going to post offices and going to bus stops in town. This can be seen as the fact that the program is gradually taking root in the people's lives.

 

添削

 

The Town of Kibichuo, Okayama Prefecture, had started last October the "Senior-Friendly Taxi" program to subsidize one third of the taxi fare paid by elderly people for "everyday needs1." The program will be upgraded and2 was then carried out on a full-scale operation for upgrading in April. The town will make it possible to apply for run the program 24 hours a day and lower the minimum age requirements from 70 to 65. The program is has a unique feature in that it has no payment limit. Taking a taxi to the hospital accounts for 65% of all the purposes which include going shopping, going to post offices and going to bus stops in the town. This can be seen as proof the fact that the program is gradually taking root in the people's lives.

 

コメント

 

1.       「“生活の足”として乗ったタクシー」をfor everyday needsと内容を表現したのがとても簡潔ですね。“生活の足”といった言い方は文字通り表現しようとするとおかしくなりますし、そうかといってas the most convenient method of transportation for daily activityなどと説明すると長くなりすぎます。

 

2.       練習問題の日本語がおかしいのに気づきましたので訂正しました。英文のほうもこれにしたがって訂正しました。

 

The Town of Kibichuo, Okayama Prefecture, had started last October the "Senior-Friendly Taxi" program to subsidize one third of the taxi fare paid by elderly people for "everyday needs." The program will be upgraded and carried out on a full-scale operation in April. The town will run the program 24 hours a day and lower the minimum age requirements from 70 to 65. The program has a unique feature that it has no payment limit. Taking a taxi to the hospital accounts for 65% of all the purposes which include going shopping, going to post offices and going to bus stops in the town. This can be seen as proof that the program is gradually taking root in the people's lives.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(さくら、18 May 06

 

Kibicyuo Town in Okayama Prefecture has carried a “friendly Taxi” system since last October. This system is that the town office subsidizes one third of taxi fare witch is used by elderly people in the town as their daily transportation methods. From April, the system was expanded to be able to use 24 hours in a day and the eligible age of the residents was lowered to 65 years old from 70. The special feature of this system is that there is no limits of use of the taxi. Sixty five percent of the reasons for the taxi use are to go to hospitals and others are to go shopping, post offices and local bus stations. The system seems to be prevalent among elderly.

 

添削

 

Kibicyuo Town in Okayama Prefecture has been providing carried a thefFriendly Taxi” system program1 since last October. Under Tthis program, system is that the town office subsidizes one third of the taxi fare witch which is used by elderly people in the town as their daily transportation methods. From April, the system program was expanded to cover be able to use 24 hours every in a day and the eligible age of the residents was lowered from 70 to 65 years old from 70. The special feature of this system program is that there is no limits of for the use of the  taxi services. Sixty five percent of the reasons for the taxi services are used2 are to go to hospitals and others the rest3 are used to go shopping, post offices and local bus stations. By now Tthe system program is widely used by the seems to be prevalent among elderly4.

 

コメント

 

1.       「制度」とありますが、systemとすると「あたらしい組織」に近くなります。具体的な制度はprogramがよいでしょう。

 

2.       「通院利用が65%を占め」をSixty five percent of the reasons for the taxi use are to go to hospitals. と表現しても内容はわかります。useを動詞にしてSixty five percent of taxi services are used for going to hospitals.とすると文の真ん中に動詞がくるので内容がもっとわかりやすくなります。

 

3.       65パーセントが通院のため、(100パーセントの)残りがその他のため、とすると100パーセントがどのように分割されているのかよくわかります。

 

「次第に生活に浸透している」

 

COBUILD辞書はprevalentを次のように説明しています。A condition of belief that is prevalent is common.用例はThis condition is more prevalent in women than in man. The prevalent view is that interest rates will fall.  この用例を模範にすると、The use of the program is getting prevalent among elderly people.となります。添削では内容を取って「広く使われている」としました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Kibicyuo Town in Okayama Prefecture has been providing the “Friendly Taxi” program since last October. Under this program, the town office subsidizes one third of the taxi fare which is used by elderly people in the town as their daily transportation method. From April, the program was expanded to cover 24 hours every day and the eligible age of the residents was lowered from 70 to 65 years old. The special feature of this program is that there is no limits for the use of taxi services. Sixty five percent of taxi services are used to go to hospitals and the rest are used to go shopping, post offices and local bus stations. By now the program is widely used by the elderly.