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初級練習問題添削 251−260

 

初級練習問題 251(3 March 06) (1 April 06) (20 Oct 07) (14 May 10) (14 May 12)

                              (24 May 13) (2 Jan 17)

             

初級練習問題 252(3 March 06) (1 April 06) (21 Oct 07) (14 May 10) (18 May 12)

                          (24 May 13)

 

初級練習問題 253(12 March 06) (1 April 06) (21 Oct 07) (14 May 10) (18 May 12)

                    (24 May 13) (24 Jan 17)  

 

初級練習問題 254(12 March 06) (4 April 06) (22 Oct 07) (15 May 10) (28 May 12)

                    (28 May 13) (24 Jan 17)

 

初級練習問題 255(14 March 06) (4 April 06) (10 March 07) (23 Oct 07)

                                (15 May 10) (5 May 12) (28 May 13)

 

初級練習問題 256(14 March 06) (4 April 06) (24 Oct 07) (20 May 10) (28 May 12)

                    (28 May 13) (28 Jan 17)

 

初級練習問題 257(15 March 06) (12 April 06) (10 March 07) (23 Oct 07) (20 May 10)

                                (7 June 12) (7 June 13) (4 Feb 17)

 

初級練習問題 258(15 March 06) (12 April 06) (25 Oct 07) (20 May 10) (13 June 12)

                    (7June13)

 

初級練習問題 259(16 March 06) (12 April 06) (26 Oct 07) (22 May 10) (21 June 12)

                                (21 July 12)

 

初級練習問題 260(16 March 06) (13 April 06) (27 Oct 07) (22 May 10) (21 June 12)

                          (12 Dec 12)                           

 

初級練習問題 251

 

86歳の元中小企業経営者がガソリンを燃料を必要としない、環境にやさしいエンジンを開発し、注目を集めている。太陽電池のわずかな電力と、空気圧で駆動する画期的なエンジンだ。今月、都内で開催された東京国際自転車展に出展し、新規開発賞を受賞。メーカーに自転車への応用をよびかけている。

 

読者からの投稿 7(Buru, 2 January 17

 

An 86 year old ex-small and middle company owner is has been got the attention. He developed an engine for a good environment, which does not use gasoline. This development is an epoch, because the engine can be moved only small power by a solar battery and an air pressure. The engine was exhibited at Tokyo International Cycle Show this month and it got an award of new development. The owner has been proposing bicycle makers this engine to use bicycles.

 

添削

 

An 86 year old ex-small and middle company owner is attracting considerable has been got the attention recently. He has developed an engine for a good environment, which does not use gasoline and food for the environment. This development engine is an epoch-making, because it the engine can be moved only small power by a solar battery and an air pressure. The engine was exhibited at the Tokyo International Bicycle Cycle Show this month and it got an award for of new development technology. The owner has been proposing bicycle makers this engine to bicycle makers to use bicycles.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てが推察できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

An 86 year old ex-small company owner is attracting considerable attention recently. He has developed an engine which does not use gasoline and is friendly to the environment. This engine is epoch-making because it can be moved by a solar battery and air pressure. The engine was exhibited at the Tokyo International Bicycle Show this month and it got an award for new technology. The owner has been proposing bicycle this engine to bicycle makers .

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(Kappa2013, 24 May 13

 

Eighty-six years old ex-manager of middle and small business company takes peoples attention by the development of non-gasoline-fueled, environmental friendly engine. I t is epoch-making engine which runs with little electric power of solar battery and hydro pressure. This year, he displayed them in Tokyo international bicycle exposition held in Tokyo and won a new development award. He calls all the manufactures to try its technological application to bicycles.

 

添削

 

An Eeighty-six years old ex-manager of a middle and small business company1 is receiving takes peoples attention by the development of a non-gasoline-fueled, environmental friendly engine. I t is an epoch-making engine which runs with a small amount of little electric power from a of solar battery and hydro pressure. This month year, he displayed the engine them at the in Tokyo iInternational bBicycle eExposition held in Tokyo and won a new development an award for new innovations. He calls for all the bicycle manufactures to try apply the engine its technological application to their bicycles.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       中小企業という企業の規模の分類がありますが、具体的なある企業は中か小のどちらかです。

 

添削後の文章

 

An eighty-six years old ex-manager of a small company is receiving attention by the development of a non-gasoline-fueled, environmental friendly engine. I t is an epoch-making engine which runs with a small amount of electric power from a solar battery and hydro pressure. This month he displayed the engine at the Tokyo International Bicycle Exposition held in Tokyo and won an award for new innovations. He calls for all bicycle manufactures to  apply the engine to their bicycles.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 14 May 12

 

A environment friendly engine with no gasoline comes under the spotlight. The engine developed by an 86-year-old former small business owner is an innovative product to use a slight solar energy and an air pressure. This month, the owner displayed the engine at the Japan International Cycle Show in Tokyo and won the prize for a new technical development.  He is now calling for bicycle manufactures that this engine will help them to develop new products.

 

添削

 

An environment friendly engine with no gasoline comes under the spotlight. The engine developed by an 86-year-old former small business owner is an innovative product to use a slight amount of solar energy and an air pressure. This month, the owner displayed the engine at the Japan International Cycle Show in Tokyo and won the prize for a new technical development.  He is now calling for bicycle manufactures that this engine will help them to develop new products.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。

 

添削後の文章

 

An environment friendly engine with no gasoline comes under the spotlight. The engine developed by an 86-year-old former small business owner is an innovative product to use a slight amount of solar energy and air pressure. This month, the owner displayed the engine at the Japan International Cycle Show in Tokyo and won the prize for a new technical development. He is now calling for bicycle manufactures that this engine will help them to develop new products.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 14 May 10

 

An environmentally lenient engine which does not use gasoline as a fuel is in the limelight. Developed by an 86 year-old former small business owner, this innovative engine is driven by marginal amount of electricity supplied by solar cells and pneumatic pressure. The engine was awarded an innovative development award in the Japan International Cycle Show held in Tokyo this month. He is calling for bicycle manufacturers to exploit his innovation to their bicycles.

 

添削

 

An environmentally lenient friendly engine which does not use gasoline as a fuel is in the limelight. Developed by an 86 year-old former small business owner, this innovative engine is driven by a marginal amount of electricity supplied by solar cells and pneumatic pressure. The engine was awarded an innovative development award in the Japan International Cycle Bicycle Show held in Tokyo this month. He is calling for bicycle manufacturers to exploit his innovation to their bicycles.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。内容をよく整理した読みやすい文章です。

 

添削後の文章

 

An environmentally friendly engine which does not use gasoline as a fuel is in the limelight. Developed by an 86 year-old former small business owner, this innovative engine is driven by a marginal amount of electricity supplied by solar cells and pneumatic pressure. The engine was awarded an innovative development award in the Japan International Bicycle Show held in Tokyo this month. He is calling for bicycle manufacturers to exploit his innovation to their bicycles.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、20 October 07

 

A former owner of medium and small company at the age 86 has developed an environment-friendly engine without using gasoline as fuel. His engine has gotten a lot of attention recently . The innovative engine is driven by a little electric power from solar batteries and air pressure. When it was displayed in the Tokyo International Bicycle Show in Tokyo this month, it won the prize for a new product. He has been encouraging makers to mount his engine on bicycles.

 

添削

 

An eighty-six year old1 former owner of a medium and small company2 at the age 86 has developed an environment-friendly engine without3 that does not use using gasoline as fuel. His engine has gotten received a lot of attention recently . The innovative engine is driven by a little small amount of electricity power from solar batteries and air pressure. When it was displayed in at the Tokyo International Bicycle Show in Tokyo this month, it won the prize for a new product. He has been encouraging bicycle makers to mount his engine on their bicycles.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       at the age of 86とすると「86歳にもなって(発明した)」という感じになるので、年齢を文頭にもってきました。

 

2.       中小企業はsmall and medium-sized companiesですが、この企業は小企業か中企業かのどちらかですから、ここでは a small companyにしました。

 

3.       without using gasolineとすると、この発明をする際にガソリンを使わなかったとも取れるので添削のようにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

An eighty-six year old former owner of a small company has developed an environment-friendly engine that does not use gasoline as fuel. His engine has received a lot of attention recently . The innovative engine is driven by a small amount of electricity  from solar batteries and air pressure. When it was displayed at the Tokyo International Bicycle Show in Tokyo this month, it won the prize for a new product. He has been encouraging bicycle makers to mount his engine on their bicycles.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、1 April 06

 

An 86-year-old former manager of a small company is in the spotlight now by developing an environmental friendly engine. The epoch-making engine does not need any gasoline. It requires only small amount of electricity generated by solar battery and air pressure to work. The engine was exhibited at the Tokyo International Bicycle Show this month and awarded the newly-development prize. The manager proposes the bicycle makers to apply his technology to bicycle.

 

添削

 

An 86-year-old former manager of a small company is in the spotlight now by developing an environmental- friendly engine. The epoch-making engine does not need any gasoline1. It requires only a small amount of electricity generated by solar batteryies and air pressure to work. The engine was exhibited at the Tokyo International Bicycle Show this month and awarded the a newly- development prize2. The manager is now soliciting3 proposes the bicycle makers to apply his technology to bicycles.

 

コメント

 

1.       日本文の内容の順序を英文では変えて、The epoch-making engine does not require any gasoline. It requires ~と続けたので、内容がはっきりしてよいですね。

 

2.       日本文では「〜に出展し」と隠れた主語が元小企業経営者になっていますが、エンジンを主語にしたので、受動態の文ですが、内容がわかりやすくなりましたね。主語を強調するためにこのような受動態の表現も有効になります。

 

3.       solicitという便利な言葉があります。内容を強調するために現在進行形にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

An 86-year-old former manager of a small company is in the spotlight now by developing an environment-friendly engine. The epoch-making engine does not need any gasoline. It requires only a small amount of electricity generated by solar batteries and air pressure to work. The engine was exhibited at the Tokyo International Bicycle Show this month and awarded a new development prize. The manager is now soliciting bicycle makers to apply his technology to bicycles.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、3 March 06

 

An ex-owner of a small- and medium-sized company, 86, has developed a new eco-friendly engine which requires no gas or fuel and is now attracting a lot of attention. The engine is epoch-making in that it operates on a small amount of electricity by solar battery and air pressure. The ex-owner set up a booth for the engine at the Tokyo National Bicycle Show, which was held in Tokyo this month and won a new development prize, encouraging bicycle makers to adopt his engine.

 

添削

 

An eighty-six year old1 ex-owner of a small- and medium-sized2 company, 86, has developed a new environmentco-friendly engine which requires no gas or fuel and is now attracting a lot of attention3. The This engine is epoch-making engine in that it operates on a small amount of electricity supplied by a solar battery and air pressure. The ex-owner set up a booth for the engine at the Tokyo National Bicycle Show, which was held in Tokyo this month, and won a new development prize for new inventions., He chose the show to exhibit his engine in order to encourageing bicycle makers to adopt make use of this engine4.

 

1.       86歳の高齢にもかかわらず、という気持ちが日本文にあるのでAn eighty-six year old ~と文を始めるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       中小企業、大企業という企業の分類ですが、この文では一つの企業を指しているので、小企業が中企業でしょう。小企業にしておきました。

 

3.       and is now attracting a lot of attentionAn eighty-six year old ex-ownerを指すのか、an engineを指すのか曖昧です。which節のエンジンを指すのですが、内容が文の前半と異なるので曖昧な感じになるのでしょう。This engine is attracting a lot of attention because it operates on ~とする方法もあります。

 

4.       この問題を作ったときには見落としていましたが、この発明者はエンジンを自転車に活用してもらいたくて東京国際自転車展に出展したようですね。添削のような説明をいれるとこのことがはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

An eighty-six year old ex-owner of a small company has developed a new environment-friendly engine which requires no gas or fuel. This epoch-making engine operates on a small amount of electricity supplied by a solar battery and air pressure. The ex-owner set up a booth for the engine at the Tokyo National Bicycle Show, which was held in Tokyo this month, and won a prize for new inventions. He chose the show to exhibit his engine in order to encourage bicycle makers to make use of this engine.

 

 

初級練習問題 252

 

不動産をインターネットのオークションを通じて販売する手法が拡大している。銀行が住宅ローンの担保不動産をオークションにかけて債権回収を進めたり、行政機関が差し押さえ不動産の公売を行ったりするなど、活用方法もさまざま。通常の競売と違い、全国、さらに世界に買い手を募ることができるため、短期間に高額で売却しやすい。

 

読者からの投稿 6(Kappa2013, 24 May 13

 

The method that real estates are selling through Internet auction is growing popular. The banks promote to collect credits by auctioning mortgaged estates of housing loan or the governmental agencies makes public auction of seized estates. The application is varied. Different from momal auctions, it is easy to sell at high price in a short period because it can collect a lot of possible buyers, nationwide or worldwide.

 

添削

 

A new method of that real estates are selling real estates through Internet auctions is growing popular. The bBanks are promote to collecting credits by auctioning mortgaged estates of housing loans and or the governmental agencies are makesing public auctions of seized estates. There are other applications as well is varied. Compared to Different from momal normal auctions, Internet auctions make it is easy to sell at higher prices in a shorter period because auctions it can attract collect a lot of potential possible buyers, nationwide or even worldwide.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new method of selling real estates through Internet auctions is growing popular. Banks are  collecting credits by auctioning mortgaged estates of housing loans and governmental agencies are making public auctions of seized estates. There are other applications as well. Compared to normal auctions, Internet auctions make it easy to sell at higher prices in a shorter period because auctions can attract a lot of potential buyers, nationwide or even worldwide.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 18 May 12

 

Using Internet auction websites for selling real estates are becoming popular. The auction websites are used in various ways. Banks sell a real estate kept as a pledge of house loan for collecting a bad loan. The administrative agency also sells a seized real estate by public auction of the Internet. Unlike ordinary auctions, the auction websites facilitate the sale of real estates at high prices in a short period to seek competing bids from buyers worldwide, not just Japanese.

 

添削

 

Using Internet auction websites for selling real estates are is becoming popular. The aAuction websites1 are used in various ways. Banks sell a real estates2 kept as a pledge collaterals for of house loans to recover for collecting a bad loans. The Public administrative agencyies also sells a seized real estates by public auctions of on the Internet. Unlike ordinary auctions, the auction websites facilitate the sale of real estates at higher3 prices in a short period because they to seek competing bids from buyers worldwide, not just in Japanese.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       前の文にauction websitesが出ていますが、ここではまだauction websites一般のことを指しているので冠詞は要りません。

 

2.       複数形にするのが一般的です。

 

3.       higher (than ordinary auctions)の意味ですが、括弧内は省略してよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Using Internet auction websites for selling real estates is becoming popular. Auction websites are used in various ways. Banks sell real estates kept as collaterals for house loans to recover bad loans. Public administrative agencies sell seized real estates by public auctions on the Internet. Unlike ordinary auctions, auction websites facilitate the sale of real estates at higher prices in a short period because they seek competing bids from buyers worldwide, not just in Japan.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 14 May 10

 

A sales technique to sell real estate through an Internet auction site has been gaining increasing popularity. People are exploiting the online auction in varied ways. Banks are selling real estate collateral for the mortgage to collect their bad debts, while administrative bodies are putting seized properties up for public auction. The online auction can facilitate higher selling price within a shorter time frame than conventional auctions by allowing sellers to solicit bidders from across the nation and even the world.

 

添削

 

A sales technique to sell Selling real estate through an Internet auction site has been gaining increasing popularity. People are exploiting the online auction in varied ways. Banks are selling real estate they hold as collateral for their mortgages to collect their bad debts, while administrative bodies are putting seized properties up for public auctions. The online auction can facilitate a higher selling price within a shorter time frame than conventional auctions by allowing sellers to solicit bidders nationwide from across the nation and even the worldwide.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Selling real estate through an Internet auction site has been gaining increasing popularity. People are exploiting the online auction in varied ways. Banks are selling real estate they hold as collateral for their mortgages to collect bad debts, while administrative bodies are putting seized properties up for public auctions. The online auction can facilitate a higher selling price within a shorter time frame than conventional auctions by allowing sellers to solicit bidders nationwide and even worldwide.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、20 October 07

 

Fixed property is being sold through Internet auctions. Recently, such a method is expanding. Banks are selling fixed property as security for the housing loan in Internet auctions to promote collection of claim. Also, administrative organs sell fixed property  attached by them by public auction on the Internet. There are various ways to make good use of Internet auctions. Unlike usual auctions, it is easy to sell fixed property in higher  price in a short time to be able to seek buyers from all parts of the country or the world.

 

添削

 

Real estate1 Fixed property is now being sold through Internet auctions. Recently, such a method is expanding. Banks are selling real estate they hold fixed property as collateral security for their housing loans2 at in Internet auctions to recover credit promote collection of claim. Also, government agencies administrative organs sell real estate they have garnisheed3 fixed property  attached by them by public auction on the Internet. There are various ways to make good use of Internet auctions. Unlike usual auctions, it is easy to sell real estate fixed property in at higher prices in a short time because sellers to be are able to seek buyers from all parts of the country and even or the world.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、添削(2)、(3)の部分がわかりません。

 

1.       土地、家屋のような不動産を一般的にはreal estateと言います。

 

2.       selling real estate as security for housing loansと続くと、住宅ローンの保全のために不動産を売る、となるで、real estate they hold as collateral for housing loans住宅ローのの担保として持っている不動産を売る(ローンの返済が出来ないので、不動産を銀行に取り上げられた、ということですね)とします。

 

3.       ちょっと専門的になりますが、行政機関が差し押さえた不動産、と表現します。

 

添削後の文章

 

Real estate is now being sold through Internet auctions. Recently, such a method is expanding. Banks are selling real estate they hold as collateral for their housing loans at  Internet auctions to recover credit . Also, government agencies sell real estate they have garnisheed on the Internet. There are various ways to make good use of Internet auctions. Unlike usual auctions, it is easy to sell real estate at higher prices in a short time because sellers are able to seek buyers from all parts of the country and even the world.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、1 April 06

 

Real estate trades using Internet auction is becoming popular. There are various ways of usage of this method. Banks sell real estate collaterals of mortgage to collect dept and the Civil Service sells distressed real estate properties in public. Different from the conventional one, the Internet auction can receive not only nationwide bidders but also worldwide bidders. This makes it easy to cut deals in the short period at high price.

 

添削

 

Real estate trades uUsing Internet auctions1 for real estate trade is becoming popular. There are various ways of usage using of this method. Banks sell real estate collaterals of for the mortgage that have been in default to collect dept debts and the Civil Services sells distressed garnished real estate properties in to the public. Different from the conventional oneauctions, the Internet auctions can receive attract2 not only nationwide bidders but also worldwide bidders. This makes it easy to cut deals in the short periods at high prices.

 

コメント

 

1.       「インターネットオークションの利用」を主語にすると、主題がはっきりします。

 

2.       Internet auctions can receive bids nationwide.またはInternet auctions can attract bidders nationwide.にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Using Internet auctions for real estate trade is becoming popular. There are various ways of using this method. Banks sell real estate collaterals for the mortgage that have been in default to collect debts and the Civil Services sell garnished real estate to the public. Different from conventional auctions, Internet auctions can attract not only nationwide bidders but also worldwide bidders. This makes it easy to cut deals in short periods at high prices.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、3 March 06

 

It is getting more common to sell real estate via the Internet auction these days. There are various ways ranging from banks proceeding with the collection of debts by putting mortgages for housing loans on auction to administrative offices selling forfeited properties.  Unlike ordinary styles of selling real estate, it is easy to sell at high prices for a short period of time because buyers come not only from all of Japan but from all of the world.

 

添削

 

It is getting more and more popular common 1to sell real estates via the Internet auctions these days. There are various ways of using Internet auctions ranging from banks proceeding with the collection of debts credit by putting mortgages for housing loans on auction to and government agencies’ administrative offices selling forfeited garnisheed properties2. UnlikeCompared to ordinary styles of selling real estates at regular auctions, it is easy easier3 to sell real estates at higher prices for in a shorter period of time at Internet auctions because buyers can come not only from all of over Japan but from all over of the world.

 

コメント

 

1.       もっと普通になっている、more and more common、それともmore and more popular、もっと人気がでてきている、でしょうか。後者を取ってみました。

 

2.       banks’ proceeding, government agencies’ sellingと動名詞句にしてbanks, government agenciesを動名詞句の主語にします。オークションにかける不動産は、銀行側からみるとcredit貸付、行政機関側から見ると差し押さえになります。

 

3.       普通のオークションと較べてインターネットオークションはeasier, higher prices, shorter periodと比較したほうが文章の内容にあっているでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

It is getting more and more popular to sell real estates via Internet auctions these days. There are various ways of using Internet auctions ranging from banks’ proceeding with the collection of credit by putting mortgages for housing loans on auction to and government agencies’ selling garnisheed properties. Compared to selling real estates at regular auctions, it is easier to sell real estates at higher prices in a shorter period of time at Internet auctions because buyers can come not only from all over Japan but all over the world.

 

 

初級練習問題 253

 

大気中の二酸化炭素濃度の上昇で海水の酸性化が進み、今世紀中ごろから亜熱帯から寒帯の海で一部生物の殻が溶け出すことが国際研究チームによって明らかにされた。

 

読者からの投稿 7(BURU, 24 January 17

 

The acidification of seawater has been aggravating due to rising up the density of carbon dioxide in the air. One of the international research team revealed that some creatures which have lived in the sea between subtropical and cold zones will happen to start melting their own shell from this century.

 

添削

 

The acidification of seawater has been aggravating accelerating  due to the increasing rising up the density of carbon dioxide in the air. One of the international research teams has revealed that some creatures which have lived in the sea between the subtropical and cold zones will happen to start melting their own shells from in the middle of this century.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります

 

添削後の文章

 

The acidification of seawater has been accelerating due to the increasing density of carbon dioxide in the air. One of the international research teams has revealed that some creatures  in the sea between the subtropical and cold zones will start melting their shells in the middle of this century.

 

読者からの投稿 6(Kappa2013, 24 May 13

 

International research team revealed that sea water acidation is developing due to increase in carbon dioxide contents in the air and a part of biology shell is being solved from the middle of this century in subtropical sea through polar sea.

 

添削

 

An Iinternational research team has revealed that sea water acidation is developing progressing due to the increase of in carbon dioxides contents in the air. If this process continues, and a part of biology the shells of some marine creatures is will start melting being solved from by the middle of this century in the subtropical sea through polar arctic sea.

 

 

コメント

 

文章の前半はわかりますが、後半はa part of biology shellの意味がわかりません。

 

添削後の文章

 

An international research team has revealed that sea water acidation is progressing due to the increase of carbon dioxides in the air. If this process continues, the shells of some marine creatures will start melting by the middle of this century in the subtropical through arctic sea.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca 18 May 12

 

The ocean is becoming more acidic as a result of rising in atmospheric CO2 concentration. An international research team revealed that a part of sea life's body in the ocean from subtropical area to cold zone would start dissolving due to this acidification in the middle of this century.

 

添削

 

The ocean is becoming more and more acidic as a result of the rising in atmospheric CO2 concentration in the atmosphere. An international research team revealed that the shells of some a part of sea lives life's body in the ocean from the subtropical area to cold zone would start melting dissolving by the middle of this century due to this acidification in the middle of this century.

 

コメント

 

内容の大筋はわかりますが、a part of sea life's body in the oceanのところがはっきりしません。

 

添削後の文章

 

The ocean is becoming more and more acidic as a result of the rising CO2 concentration in the atmosphere. An international research team revealed that the shells of some sea lives  in the ocean from the subtropical area to cold zone would start melting by the middle of this century due to this acidification .

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 14 May 10

 

An international research team has revealed that an increase in atmospheric carbon dioxide concentration expedited acidification of the oceans and more acidified sea water in turn will start eroding the shells of some marine organisms in the oceans from the subtropical to frigid zones in the second half of this century.

 

添削

 

An international research team has revealed that an increase in the amount of atmospheric carbon dioxide in the atmosphere concentration expedited has been speeding up the acidification of the oceans. and As1 the more acidified sea water gets more acidified, it in turn will start eroding the shells of some marine organisms in the oceans living in the areas from the subtropical to frigid zones in the second half of this century.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       ここから新しい文にしたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

An international research team has revealed that an increase in the amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere has been speeding up the acidification of the oceans. As the  sea water gets more acidified, it will start eroding the shells of some marine organisms in the oceans living in the areas from the subtropical to frigid zones in the second half of this century.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、21 October 07

 

An international research team showed the following result. Some animate beings' shells from the subtropics to frigid seas will melt out in the middle of this century because acidification of sea water is promoted by the increasing level of carbon dioxide.

 

添削

 

An international research team found that1 showed the following result. Some animate beings' shells of some marine life in the from oceans from the subtropicsal to arctic zone frigid seas will  would start melting out in by the middle of this century because acidification of the ocean sea water is accelerating promoted by the increasing level of carbon dioxide in the air.

 

コメント

 

Some animate beings' shells from the subtropics to frigid seas will melt out in the middle of this centuryの大切なところわかりません。some animate beings’ shellsが一般的過ぎるとおもいます。またsome animate beings’ shells from ~fromの続き方がわかりません。添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

 

1.       短い文章なので添削のようにthat節にしたほうが読みやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

An international research team found that shells of some marine life in the oceans from the subtropical to arctic zone would start melting by the middle of this century because acidification of the ocean water is accelerating by the increasing level of carbon dioxide in the air.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、1 April 06

 

An international research team has revealed that the rise of carbon dioxide concentration in the air had increased the amount of the acid in the sea water and this would let some creatures in the sea from subtropical to Frigid Zone area to start dissolving their shells at the middle of this century.

 

添削

 

An international research team has revealed that the rise of carbon dioxide concentration in the air had increased the amount of the acids in the sea water and this would let make1 some creatures in the sea from the subtropical to Frigid Zone cold zone area to start dissolving their shells at the middle of this century.

 

コメント

 

1.       and this would make ~と文に入れたので、文の前半と後半の因果関係がはっきしりましたね。letよりmakeのほうが(強制的に)〜する、という意味が強くなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

An international research team has revealed that the rise of carbon dioxide concentration in the air had increased the amount of acids in the sea water and this would make some creatures in the sea from the subtropical to cold zone start dissolving their shells at the middle of this century.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、12 March 06

 

Sea water has taken on more acidity than before because of the increasing density of carbon dioxide in air. As a result, some marine creatures found in tropical and cold zones will have their shells melted in about the middle of this century. This has been revealed by an international team of study.

 

添削

 

The Ssea water has taken on more acidity than before because of the increasing density of carbon dioxide in the air. As a result, some marine creatures found in the wide area from the sub-tropical and cold zones will start meting have their shells1 melted in about in the middle of this century. This has been revealed by an international study team of study.

 

1.       「殻が溶け出す」ので「完全に溶けてしまっているだろう」will have their shells meltedではないだろうとおもいます。もしそうなら、もっと怖いですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

The sea water has taken on more acidity than before because of the increasing density of carbon dioxide in the air. As a result, some marine creatures found in the wide area from the sub-tropical and cold zones will start meting their shells about in the middle of this century. This has been revealed by an international study team.

 

 

初級練習問題 254

 

ワタリアホウドリは翼開長三メートル半に達する飛翔する鳥の中で最大種である。亜南極の島々で繁殖し、南極大陸をとりまく広大な海の上を飛翔しながら餌のイカを探す。寿命は30年を越え、その間に地球を何周分もの空の旅をつづける。

 

読者からの投稿 7(BURU, 24 January 17

 

A wandering albatross, which has over 3.5m wing opening length, is the biggest birds among flying birds. The birds have lived on the islands in a subantarctica zone. The birds are looking for their foods which squids are their favorite on the vast ocean which surrounded Antarctica. Their life is over 30 years. They fly many distances like several round of the earth in their life.

 

添削

 

A The1 wandering albatross, which has over a 3.5 meter wing opening length span, is the biggest birds among flying birds. The birds has have been liveding on the islands in the a subantarctica sub Antarctic zone. The birds gets are looking for their foods on the vast ocean surrounding the Antarctic. which sSquids are its their favorite food. on the vast ocean which surrounded Antarctica. Its Their life is over 30 years. The wondering albatross2 They flyflies many long distances like several times around of the earth in its their life.

 

コメント

 

内容が推測できます。

 

The wondering albatross と定冠詞+普通名詞でこの普通名詞の種の全体を指します。英文法では定冠詞の総称的用法と言います。

 

ここまでに代名詞を数回使っているので、ここではもう一度普通名詞を使って読者の印象を強くします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The wandering albatross, which has over a 3.5 meter wing span, is the biggest bird among flying birds. The bird has been living on the islands in the sub Antarctic zone. The bird gets  food on the vast ocean surrounding the Antarctic. Squids are its favorite food. Its life is over 30 years. The wondering albatross flies long distances like several times around the earth in its life.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(Kappa2013, 28 May 13

 

Migratory Albatross has as long as three and half meters wide opening wings and is the biggest among the flying bird species. They are breeding in the sub-Antarctic islands and are looking for bait such as cuttlefish flying over the wide ocean around the Antarctic Land. The life is over 30 years, during which they continue flying many times around the earth.

 

添削

 

Mmigratory Aalbatrosses1 have has wings as long as three and a half meters from one end to the other when they are opened wide opening wings and are is the biggest among the flying birds species. They breeding on in the sub-Antarctic islands and look are looking for food bait such as cuttlefish flying over the wide ocean around the Antarctic Land. They live2 The life is over 30 years, during which they continue flying as long as many times around the earth.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       The migratory albatross has ~またはMigratory albatrosses have ~でこのトリ全体を表現します。

 

2.       liveという動詞のほうがthe lifeという名詞より印象が強くなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

migratory albatrosses have wings as long as three and a half meters from one end to the other when they are opened and are the biggest flying birds. They breed on the sub-Antarctic islands and look for food such as cuttlefish flying over the wide ocean around the Antarctic Land. They live over 30 years, during which they continue flying as long as many times around the earth.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 28 May 12

 

The wandering albatross with a wingspan of 3.5 meters is the largest bird of the air. The birds breed in sub-Antarctic islands and pray squids flying over the wide sea surrounding the Antarctica. They fly the equivalent distance of going around the world several time during their lifetime of thirty years or more. 

 

添削

 

The wandering albatross with a wingspan of 3.5 meters is the largest bird of the air. The birds breed in on sub-Antarctic islands and pray squids, flying over the wide area of the sea surrounding the Antarctica looking for squids. They fly the equivalent distance of going around the world several time during their lifetime of thirty years or more. 

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The wandering albatross with a wingspan of 3.5 meters is the largest bird of the air. The birds breed on sub-Antarctic islands and pray squids, flying over the wide area of the sea surrounding the Antarctica looking for squids. They fly the equivalent distance of going around the world several time during their lifetime of thirty years or more. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 15 May 10

 

The wandering albatross, with its wingspan reaching 3.5 meters, is the largest among birds of the air. They breed on subantarctic islands and fly over the vast expanse of sea around the Antarctic continent in search of squids they feed on. They continue air travel over their whole life of some thirty years. The distance they travel for their entire life is enough to circle the earth several times.

 

添削

 

The wandering albatross, with its wingspan reaching 3.5 meters, is the largest among birds of the air. They breed on subantarctic islands and fly over the a vast expanse of sea around the Antarctic continent in search of squids they feed on. They continue air travel over their whole life of some thirty years. 1The distance they travel fly for their entire life of about 30 years is long enough to circle the earth several times.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       次の文と内容が重複するので要らないでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The wandering albatross, with its wingspan reaching 3.5 meters, is the largest among birds of the air. They breed on subantarctic islands and fly over a vast expanse of sea around the Antarctic continent in search of squids they feed on. The distance they fly for their entire life of about 30 years is long enough to circle the earth several times.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、22 October 07

 

The wandering albatross which has three and a half meters of wings is the biggest bird of all flying birds. The bird breeds on islands in the subantarctic zone. The wandering albatross looks for cuttle as it flies above wide seas around the antarctic continent. Its life is over thirty years old and meanwhile, the wandering albatross can fly around the earth several times.

 

添削

 

The wandering albatross which whose wings span1 has three and a half meters of wings is the biggest bird of all flying birds. The bird breeds on islands in the subantarctic zone. The wandering albatross looks for cuttle cuttlefish as it flies over a above wide area of the ocean seas around the aAntarctic cContinent. Its The wondering albatross2 lives for life is over thirty years old and meanwhile in its lifetime , the wandering albatross can fly around the earth several times.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       片方の翼の先端からもう一つの翼の先端までの長さが3.5メートル、という表現が難しいですね。添削ではspanという動詞を使いました。

 

2.       ここでワタリアホウドリをまた登場させると印象が強まります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The wandering albatross whose wings span three and a half meters is the biggest bird of all flying birds. The bird breeds on islands in the subantarctic zone. The wandering albatross looks for cuttlefish as it flies over a wide area of the ocean around the Antarctic Continent.  The wondering albatross lives for over thirty years and in its lifetime the wandering albatross can fly around the earth several times.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、4 April 06

 

Wandering albatross is the biggest flying bird in the world which has a 3.5 meters wing span. They breed on the islands in the sub Antarctic area and catch their food, squids, flying over the vast sea around Antarctica. For 30 years of their life span, they spend their times in the sky flying many times as long as the circumference of the earth.

 

添削

 

The1 Wwandering albatross is the biggest flying bird in the world which has a 3.5 meters wing span. They breed on the islands in the sub Antarctic area and catch their food, squids, flying2 over the vast sea around the Antarctica. For over 30 years of their life span, they spend their times in the sky flying many times as long as the circumference of the earth3.

 

コメント

 

1.       動植物の種全体を指すにはthe wandering albatross, albatrossesなどの幾つかの表現方法があります。ここではThe wandering albatrossが適当でしょう。albatrossesでもよいですが、単語の最後の所にs音が続いて言い難いですね。

 

2.       「南極大陸をとりまく広大な海の上を飛翔しながら餌のイカを探す。」はThey fly over the vast ocean around the Antarctic and look for squids for their food.が一番簡単な表現方法ですが、They fly over the vast ocean around the Antarctic, looking for squids for their food. またはさくらさんのようにThey catch their food, squids, flying over the vast sea around the Antarctic.と動名詞を使うと文のまとまりがよくなりますね。

 

3.       「寿命は30年を越え、その間に地球を何周分もの空の旅をつづける。」は簡単に英文で表現すれば、They live more than thirty years and fly the distance of several times around the globe. となります。さくらさんは、For over 30 years of their life, they spend ~.と文の最初の部分を副詞句にして、主文の内容が強調されるようにしています。

 

添削後の文章

 

The wandering albatross is the biggest flying bird in the world which has a 3.5 meters wing span. They breed on the islands in the sub Antarctic area and catch their food, squids, flying over the vast sea around the Antarctica. For over 30 years of their life, they spend their time in the sky flying many times as long as the circumference of the earth.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、12 March 06

 

Wandering albatrosses have a wingspread of 3.5 meters, the longest of all birds that are able to fly. They breed on islands in the subantarctic area and look for squids to feed on, flying above the vast oceans surrounding Antarctica. They live to be more than 30 years old and travel the distance in the sky enough to circle the earth so many times during that period.

 

添削

 

Wandering albatrosses have a wingspread of 3.5 meters, the longest largest1 of all birds that are able to fly. They breed on islands in the subantarctic area and look for squids to feed on, flying above the vast oceans surrounding the Antarctica. They can live to be for more than 30 years old and travel fly the distance in the sky enough to circle the earth so many several  times during that period in their life time.

 

コメント

 

1.       翼の長さも一番でしょうが、一番大きいとしたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       投稿のままでもよいですが、表現法を簡単にできるところは簡単にするのがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Wandering albatrosses have a wingspread of 3.5 meters, the largest of all birds that are able to fly. They breed on islands in the subantarctic area and look for squids to feed on, flying above the vast oceans surrounding the Antarctica. They can live for more than 30 years and fly the distance to circle the earth several times in their life time.

 

 

初級練習問題 255

 

インターネットを通じて役所への申請手続きなどができる電子政府計画の進捗状況がおもわしくない。最も利用者が見込まれた国税の電子申告、納税も想定利用者件数に遠く及ばない。平成15年の開始年度に三年後の平成18年には百三十万件の利用を見込んでいたが、平成17年の利用者は10万件前後にしか達しない様子だ。

 

読者からの投稿 8(BURU, 28 January 17

 

The electronic government plan which can apply for documents to authorities through internet has not had a good progress. The electronic tax declaration system has been predicted that the most of users use this system of all but the actual number of uses is far from the government estimation. The first year’s estimation in 2003 was that the number of use for the system would reach 1.3million after three year in 2006. However, it will become around 100,000 only in 2005.

 

添削

 

The electronic government1 plan by which people can submit apply for documents to authorities through the internet has not had a good progress yet. The electronic tax declaration system was has been predicted that this would be the most of users used this system of the all electric government but so far the actual number of uses is far from the government’s estimatione. The estimate for the first year’s estimation in 2003 was that the number of uses for of the system would reach 1.3million after three years in 2006. However, it will be just become around 100,000 only in 2005.

 

コメント

 

内容が推定できます。

 

1.       馴染みのない言葉なので、特殊な意味があるということを読者に知らせるために括弧でくくるとよいでしょう。

添削後の文章

 

“The electronic government” plan by which people can submit documents to authorities through the internet has not had a good progress yet. The electronic tax declaration system was predicted that this would be the most used system of the electric government but so far the actual number of uses is far from the government’s estimate. The estimate for the first year in 2003 was that the number of uses of the system would reach 1.3million after three years in 2006. However, it will be just around 100,000 in 2005.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(Kappa2013, 28 May 13

 

Electric government plan through which we can make applications to the public office by Internet is not well progressing. Most prospective one, national tax payment by electric applications is far reaching the expected number of users. They anticipated 1.3 millions users for fiscal year of Heisei 18, three years after the start of Heisei 15 but the expected users in Heisei 17 will be presumably around 0.1 million only.

 

添削

 

The Eelectric government project plan through which will enable us to we can make applications to the public office by Internet is not well progressing well. The Mmost promising aspect of the project, prospective one, payments of national taxes payment by the electric government, electric applications is far short of reaching its the expected number of users. They The government anticipated 1.3 millions users for the fiscal year of Heisei 18, three years after the start of the project in Heisei 15 but only 0.1 million users are the expected users in Heisei 17 will be presumably around 0.1 million only.

 

コメント

 

内容の主旨はわかりますが、is far reaching the expected number of usersでは日本文と意味が逆になります(達成できる)。

 

添削後の文章

 

The electric government project which will enable us to make applications to the public office by Internet is not progressing well. The most promising aspect of the project, payments of national taxes by the electric government, is far short of reaching its expected number of users. The government anticipated 1.3 millions users for the fiscal year of Heisei 18, three years after the start of the project in Heisei 15 but only 0.1 million users are expected in Heisei 17.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(Lucca, 5 May 12

 

The e-Government plan is not proceeding as planned. The plan enables citizens easily to submit official documents to government offices through the Internet without visiting these offices directly. It was thought that many citizens were using this electronic procedure for their tax declaration and payment, but the number of its users is lower than expected. When the plan got started in 2003, at first, it was expected that 1.3 million citizens would use the electronic procedure in the three years later in 2006. If the same trend continues by the end of this fiscal year in 2005, nearly one hundred thousand citizens are likely to use it.

 

添削

 

The e-Government plan is not proceeding as well as it was1 planned. The plan enables citizens easily to submit official documents to government offices through the Internet without visiting these offices directly. It was thought that many citizens would be were using this electronic procedure for their tax declarations and payments most of all e-government services2, but the number of its users has been is lower than expected. When the plan got started in 2003, at first, it was expected that 1.3 million citizens would use this the  electronic procedure for tax returns in the three years later in the 2006 fiscal year. But the number of users will fall far behind the expectation3. If the current same trend continues by the end of this fiscal year in 2005, nearly only one hundred thousand citizens are likely to use it in the 2005 fiscal year.

 

コメント

 

内容のほぼすべてがわかりますが、nearly one hundred thousand citizens are likely to use it.とすると、内容が肯定的になってしまいます。予測よりずっと利用者が少ない、ということを強調するには添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

 

1.       もとのままでもわかりますが、このほうがはっきりします。

 

2.       電子政府サービスはいろいろあり、その一部なので、この句を入れるとよいでしょう。

 

3.       この内容を補足するとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The e-Government plan is not proceeding as well as it was planned. The plan enables citizens easily to submit official documents to government offices through the Internet without visiting these offices directly. It was thought that many citizens would be using this electronic procedure for their tax declarations and payments most of all e-government services, but the number of its users has been lower than expected. When the plan got started in 2003, it was expected that 1.3 million citizens would use this electronic procedure for tax returns three years later in the 2006 fiscal year. But the number of users will fall far behind the expectation. If the current trend continues, only one hundred thousand citizens are likely to use it in the 2005 fiscal year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 15 May 10

 

It appears that the e-Government system that enables citizens to file applications and notifications to central government offices via the internet is not progressing too well. The electronic tax filing which was thought to attract largest number of users now settles for much less users than originally planned. When this system was implemented in 2003, the government projected that 1,300 thousand people would use the system in 2006, after three years from the system implementation. Nevertheless, the number of users is likely to hover around 100 thousand in 2005.

 

添削

 

It appears that the e-Government system that enables citizens to file applications and notifications to central government offices via the internet is not progressing too well. The eElectronic tax filing which has been expected1 was thought to attract the largest number of users will1 now settles for much less users than the originally planned. When this system was implemented in 2003, the government projected that 1,300 thousand people would use the system in 2006, after three years from the system implementation. Nevertheless However, the number of users is likely to hover around 100 thousand in 2005.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       このような時制の組み合わせのほうが、現在の状況を伝えるのにはよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

It appears that the e-Government system that enables citizens to file applications and notifications to government offices via the internet is not progressing well. Electronic tax filing which has been expected to attract the largest number of users will now settle for much less users than the original plan. When this system was implemented in 2003, the government projected that 1,300 thousand people would use the system in 2006, after three years from the system implementation. However, the number of users is likely to hover around 100 thousand in 2005.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、23 October 07

 

The e-Government plan allows citizens to file applications for all kinds of government services online. But, the progress of e-Government plan is not good. It was most expected that users would e-file national taxes. But, the number of users who e-files national taxes is far from that of assumed users. The system started in the fifteenth year of the Heisei era. Then, it was expected that the number of people who use the system would reached 1.30 million in the eighteenth year of the Heisei era. But, the number of user in the seventeenth year of the Heisei era seems to reach only around a hundred thousand.

 

添削

 

The e-Government plan system1 allows citizens to file applications for all kinds of government services online. But, the progress of e-Government plan is not going well good. It was most expected that users would use the system to e-file national taxes most. But, the number of users who e-files national taxes is far from less than what the government has expected2 that of assumed users. The system started in the fifteenth year of the Heisei era. Then, it was expected that the number of people who use the system would reached 1.30 million in the eighteenth year of the Heisei era. But, the number of user in the seventeenth year of the Heisei era seems to reach only about around a one hundred thousand.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       後の文でthe systemとあるので、文章全体でsystemに統一します。

 

2.       The actual number is much less than what I have expected.という表現を良く使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

The e-Government system allows citizens to file applications for all kinds of government services online. But the progress of e-Government plan is not going well. It was expected that users would use the system to e-file national taxes most. But the number of users who e-files national taxes is far less than what the government has expected. The system started in the fifteenth year of the Heisei era. Then, it was expected that the number of people who use the system would reached 1.30 million in the eighteenth year of the Heisei era. But the number of user in the seventeenth year of the Heisei era seems to reach only about one hundred thousand.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 10 March 07

 

E-government services, which allow for an application procedure to government offices via the Internet, don't have a major impact on our life. The government expected its electronic tax filing service to pay national taxes as the most promising, but the actual number of users fell far short of the expectation. At the launch of the online service in 2003, the government expected 1,300 thousand people to make use of the service in 2006. But the number of users is likely to reach only 100 thousand in 2005.

 

添削

 

E-government services, which allow people1 to apply for and process various government documents an application procedure to government offices via the Internet, have so far failed to make don't have a major impact on our life. The government had2 expected that3 its electronic filing for national taxes filing4 would be service to pay national taxes as the most promising popular e-government service, but the actual number of users fell far short of the expectation. At the launch of e-government services5 the online service in 2003, the government expected 1,300 thousand people to make use of the services in 2006. But the number of users is likely to reach only 100 thousand in 2005.

 

コメント

 

1.       allow A (to) do Bという形になります。Aが省略されるときもありますが、あったほうがわかりやすいです。

 

2.       users fell far shortの時点より前のことなので過去完了形にします。

 

3.       that節にしたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

4.       filing taxes(いろいろな種類の税金があります)で税金の申告・納税の意味になります。

 

5.       既にe-government servicesが文章の出ているので、同じ言葉を使います。カナダでは成人は皆確定申告をします。電子申告もありますが、4月30日の申告最終日に郵便局に行くと確定申告書を送る人の行列が出来ていますから、まだまだ手書きの確定申告書を出す人が多いのでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

E-government services, which allow people to apply for and process various government documents via the Internet, have so far failed to make a major impact on our life. The government had expected that electronic filing for national taxes would be the most  popular e-government service, but the actual number of users fell far short of the expectation. At the launch of e-government services in 2003, the government expected 1,300 thousand people to make use of the services in 2006. But the number of users is likely to reach only 100 thousand in 2005.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、4 April 06

 

Little progress has been made with the electronic civil service that enables people to file applications to the government offices via Internet. The number of the users of this service for applications and payments of the national tax that was supposed to be mostly used is far behind the expectation. When this service started in 2003, the government assumed 1.3 million cases of the usage in 2006. But, only 100,000 cases are prospected to be applied via Internet in 2005.

 

添削

 

Little progress has been made1 with in the electronic civil service2 that enables people to file applications to the government offices via the Internet. The number of the users of this service for filing and paying applications and payments of the national taxes, that was supposed to be mostly most popularly used, is far behind the expectation. When this service started in 2003, the government assumed 1,300 thousand1.3 million3 cases of the usage in 2006. But, only 100,000 thousand 3cases are prospected expected to be applied via Internet in 2005.

 

コメント

 

1.       「〜の進捗状況がおもわしくない。」Little progress has been made in ~はこの文に適切な常套句ですね。「〜 という事実を知っている人は多くない。Few people know the fact ~.などlittle, fewを使って文の構造は肯定文だが内容は否定的なもの、という英語の表現法がありますね。否定的内容を簡潔に表現するときに便利です。

 

2.       「電子政府」にはe-governmentという表現もあります。

 

3.       1,300 thousand100 thousandとすると比較がやさしくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Little progress has been made in the electronic civil service2 that enables people to file applications to government offices via the Internet. The number of users of this service for filing and paying national taxes, that was supposed to be most popularly used, is far behind the expectation. When this service started in 2003, the government assumed 1,300 thousand cases of usage in 2006. But only 100 thousand cases are expected in 2005.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、14 March 06

 

The e-government (electronic government) project which enables us to submit various applications to government offices via the Internet is not proceeding as planned. It was expected that the electronic declarations and payments of national taxes would most frequently occur, but the number of users falls far short of the target figures. In 2003 when the project started, it was expected that there would be 1.3 million users in 2006, three years from the start. The number of users in 2005, however, is likely to reach only more or less a hundred thousand.

 

添削

 

The e-government (electronic government) project which enables us to submit various applications to government offices via the Internet is not proceeding as planned. It was expected that people would use e-government mostly for1 the electronic declarations and payments of national taxes would most frequently occur, but the number of users falls fell far short of the target figures. In 2003 when the project started, it was expected that there would be 1.3 million users in 2006, after three years from the start of the project. The number of users in 2005, however, is likely to reach only more or less2 a hundred thousand.

コメント

 

1.       peopleを主語にすると文が簡単になります。電子政府はe-governmentと抽象名詞として使います。

 

2.       「10万件前後」とありますが、is likely to reachと「予想」の文なので単にis likely to reach a hundred thousandで10万件前後の意味は通じるでしょう。

 

コメント

 

The e-government (electronic government) project which enables us to submit various applications to government offices via the Internet is not proceeding as planned. It was expected that people would use e-government mostly for electronic declarations and payments of national taxes, but the number of users fell far short of the target figures. In 2003 when the project started, it was expected that there would be 1.3 million users in 2006, after three years from the start of the project. The number of users in 2005, however, is likely to reach only a hundred thousand.

 

 

初級練習問題 256

 

11月13日午後零時半ごろ、秋田市中通りのビルで、一階に着いたエレベーターのドアが開かず、乗っていた小学生15人が内部に閉じ込められた。25分後にエレベーター管理会社社員がドアを開けて児童たちを救助した。

 

読者からの投稿 7(BURU, 28 January 17

 

About 13:30pm on November 13, 15 primary school students were locked in a lift at a building on Naka-gouri in Akita City which could not open the door when it got to first floor. After 25 minutes, the staff of this lift maintenance company managed to open the door and rescued students from the lift.

 

添削

 

About 13:30pm on November 13, 15 primary school students were locked in an elevator lift1 at a building on Naka-gouri Street in Akita City. The elevator did which could not open its the door when it got to the first floor. After 25 minutes, the staff of this elevator lift maintenance company managed to open the door and rescued students from the lift.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       北米ではa liftよりan elevatorが通常使われるので、ここではan elevatorにしておきます。

 

添削後の文章

 

About 13:30pm on November 13, 15 primary school students were locked in an elevator at a building on Naka-gouri Street in Akita City. The elevator did not open its door when it got to the first floor. After 25 minutes, the staff of this elevator maintenance company managed to open the door and rescued students.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(Kappa2013, 28 May 13

 

Around noon 12:30 in November 13, fifteen primary school students were locked in the elevator of the building located in Nakadori, Akita city, with shutting the elevator door. Twenty five minutes later the staff of the elevator management company released the children to open the door.

 

添削

 

Around noon 12:30 pm on in November 13, fifteen primary school students were locked in the elevator of a the building located in Nakadori, Akita cCity, when the elevator reached the ground floor with shutting the elevator door. Twenty five minutes later the staff of the elevator management company opened the door of the elevator and released the children to open the door.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてが推測できます。

 

released the children to open the doorとすると、「エレベーターのドアーを開けるために子供をどけた」ということになります。ここでは時間を追って、opened the door and released the childrenとします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 12:30 pm on November 13, fifteen primary school students were locked in the elevator of a building located in Nakadori, Akita City, when the elevator reached the ground floor. Twenty five minutes later the staff of the elevator management company opened the door of the elevator and released the children.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 28 May 12

 

At 12:30pm on November 13, fifteen elementary school children were trapped temporarily in the elevator of a building in Nakadori, Akita City since the door of the elevator did not open.  After twenty-five minutes, the children were rescued by employees of the elevator's management company.

 

添削

 

At 12:30pm on November 13, fifteen elementary school children were trapped temporarily in the elevator of a building in Nakadori, Akita City since the door of the elevator did not open.  After twenty-five minutes, the children were rescued by employees of the elevator's management company.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 20 May 10

 

Around 12:30 on the afternoon of November 30, the door of an elevator that came down to the first floor of a building in Nakadori, Akita City remained closed, trapping 15 primary school kids in there. They got released from the elevator as the door was opened by an engineer from the operating firm of the elevator 25 minutes later.

 

添削

 

Around 12:30 pm1, on the afternoon of November 30, the door of an elevator that came down to the first floor of a building in Nakadori, Akita City, remained closed, trapping 15 primary school kids inside there. They got released from the elevator as the door was opened by an engineer from the maintenance service operating firm of the elevator 25 minutes later.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       around 12:30で一瞬何の数字かな、と惑うので12:30 pmのほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 12:30 pm, on November 30, the door of an elevator that came down to the first floor of a building in Nakadori, Akita City, remained closed, trapping 15 primary school kids inside. They got released from the elevator as the door was opened by an engineer from the maintenance service firm of the elevator 25 minutes later.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、24 October 07

 

Around 12:30 on November 13, when an elevator in a building in Akita City went down at the first floor, its doors would not open. Fifteen elementary school students were trapped in the elevator. Some employees of the elevator management company opened the doors to rescue them 25 minutes later.

 

添削

 

Around 12:30 pm on November 13, when an elevator in a building in Akita City went down to at the first floor, its doors1 would not open. Fifteen elementary school students were trapped in the elevator. Some employees of the elevator management company opened the doors to rescue them 25 minutes later.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       エレベーターのドアーは両側に開くので物理的には二つありますが、二つ一組で単数形で表現したほうがわかりやすいとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 12:30 pm on November 13 when an elevator in a building in Akita City went down to  the first floor, its door would not open. Fifteen elementary school students were trapped in the elevator. Some employees of the elevator management company opened the door to rescue them 25 minutes later.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、4 April 06

 

Around 12:30 p.m. on November 13, fifteen elementary students were trapped in the elevator of a building on the Nakadori Street, Akita City, because the door of the elevator did not open at the first floor.  25 minutes later, the stuff of the elevator management company rescued them.

 

添削

 

Around 12:30 p.m. on November 13, fifteen elementary school pupils1 students were trapped in the elevator of a building on the Nakadori Street, Akita City, because when the door of the elevator did not failed to2 open at on the first floor.  25 Twenty-five3 minutes later, the a stuff of the elevator management company opened the door and rescued them the pupils4.

 

コメント

 

1.       Collins COBUILDによれば、The pupils of a school are the children who go to it.とあり、またA student is a person who is studying at a university or college.の意味と、またA student is a child who is studying at a secondary school (= pupil).とあります。小学生はpupilと言い、中・高校生はpupilでもstudentでも良い、と言うことでしょう。

 

2.       fail to openとすると、「(本来開くべきものが)開かなかった」となります。

 

3.       文の最初に数字が来るときは英単語で表現すると、ここが文の始まりのことがわかりやすくなります。逆に言うと、文の最初を数字で始めると、ここが文の始まりのことがわかり難くなります。

 

4.       ドアーを開いて(中の人を)救出した、は当然でしょうが、前の文でthe door failed to openとあるので、open the door and rescued the pupilsと表現すると、(当然のことを書いただけですが)文の内容がわかりやすくなり、文章全体の完成度が高くなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 12:30 p.m. on November 13, fifteen elementary school pupils were trapped in the elevator of a building on Nakadori Street, Akita City when the door of the elevator failed to open on the first floor. Twenty-five minutes later, a stuff of the elevator management company opened the door and rescued the pupils.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、14 March 06

 

Around 0:30 p.m. on November 13 in a building on the Naka Street in Akita City, a group of 15 elementary school pupils were trapped in an elevator which remained closed after reaching the first floor. A staff from the management company of the elevator opened the door to rescue the pupils 25 minutes after the incident occurred.

 

添削

 

Around 012:30 p.m.1 on November 13 in a building on the Naka Street in Akita City, a group of 15 elementary school pupils were trapped in an elevator which remained closed after reaching the first floor.2 A staff from the management company of the elevator opened the door to rescue the pupils 25 minutes after the incident occurred.

 

コメント

 

1.       午後零時、午前零時という言い方が日本語にありますが、英語では12:00 pm, 12:00 amと時計の文字盤の表示を使います。夜の11時から始まり翌朝零時30分に終わるテレビ番組を録画するときには11:00 pm12:30 amとレコーダーに登録しておきますね。

 

2.       「一階に着いたエレベーターのドアが開かず」in an elevator which remained closed after reaching the first floorという表現が上手ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 12:30 p.m. on November 13 in a building on the Naka Street in Akita City, a group of 15 elementary school pupils were trapped in an elevator which remained closed after reaching the first floor. A staff from the management company of the elevator opened the door to rescue the pupils 25 minutes after the incident occurred.

 

 

初級練習問題 257

 

インターネット上の人権侵害の報告例が増えている。背景には、ネット世界の「匿名性」がある。気軽な発信を可能にするネットの匿名性は、独特の文化を生み、不正告発に威力を発揮することもある反面、悪意もまた、瞬時に増幅・拡散し、言葉の暴力となって人々に襲いかかる面を持っている。

 

読者からの投稿 8(BURU, 4 February 17

 

The number of report of abusing human right on the Internet has been increasing. There is a reason that the Internet allows its users to post their comments under anonymity. This anonymity system can make us use the Internet at ease and also generate an original culture. This is sometimes good at revealing a dishonest thing. On the other hand, the Internet users also can use for animosity. The vicious comments will become a verbal violence and spread us immediately.

 

添削

 

The number of reports on of abusing human rights on the Internet has been increasing. There is a reason that tThe Internet allows its users to post their comments under anonymity. This anonymity system can make us use the Internet at ease and also generates its an unique original culture. On one hand, Tthis is sometimes good at when revealing a dishonest behaviors of others thing. On the other hand, the Internet users also can use express their for animosityies towards others. The vVicious comments will become a verbal violence and spread us immediately on the Internet.

 

コメント

 

全体の内容が推測できます。

 

1.       on one hand, A. On the other hand, B.と一対にして使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of reports on abusing human rights on the Internet has been increasing. The Internet allows its users to post their comments under anonymity. This anonymity can make us use the Internet at ease and also generates its unique culture. On one hand, this is  good when revealing dishonest behaviors of others. On the other hand, the Internet users can express their animosities towards others. Vicious comments will become a verbal violence and spread immediately on the Internet.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(Kappa2013, 7 June 13

 

Reports on human right violence over the Internet are increasing in number. Behind the background, there is so called “Anonymousness on Internet “.Anonymousness which enables us to send the massage easily produces special “culture”, which put forth effectiveness on accusation against the wrong. On the other hand malicious intents also instantly tend amplify , disperse and strike people as language violence.

 

添削

 

Reports on the violation of human rights violence over on the Internet are increasing in number. Behind this trend the background, there is so called “Anonymousness anonymity on the Internet “. Anonymousness which enables us to send the any massage easily and anonymously and has producesd a special “culture”, This culture which puts forth effectiveness on accusations against the wrong on one hand. But Oon the other hand malicious intents can be also instantly tend amplifyied and , spread disperse, and strikeing people as the language violence by language.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Reports on the violation of human rights on the Internet are increasing in number. Behind this trend, there is so called “anonymity on the Internet “ which enables us to send any massage easily and anonymously and has produced a special “culture” This culture puts forth effective accusations against the wrong on one hand. But on the other hand malicious intents can be also instantly amplified and spread, striking people as the violence by language.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(Lucca, 7 June 12

 

The report on human rights abuse in the Internet is increasing in number. Behind the trend is the fact that "the anonymity" makes a big impact on Internet. The Anonymity creates an unique culture among users that anonymous messages are carefree. The anonymity also helps users to expose injustices but could have attacked people that vicious messages expand and spread in no time.

 

添削

 

The report on human rights abuse on in the Internet is increasing in number. Behind the trend is the fact that "the anonymity"1 makes a big impact on the Internet. The Anonymity creates an unique culture among Internet users that anonymous messages are carefree.  The aAnonymity2 also helps users to expose injustices but can be used3 could have to attacked people with that vicious messages that expand and spread quickly on the Internet in no time.

 

コメント

 

内容のほぼすべてがわかりますが、but could have attacked people that vicious messages expand and spread in no time. のところが曖昧です。

 

1.       日本文は「匿名性」としてありますが、anonymityは特に変わった抽象名詞ではないので、普通に冠詞を付けないでつかいます。

 

2.       「インターネット上の匿名性」といっても特殊なものでもないので、定冠詞はいりません。

 

3.       Anonymity could have attacked people.という文章にしても意味はわかりますが、添削のようにしたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The report on human rights abuse on the Internet is increasing in number. Behind the trend is the fact that anonymity makes a big impact on the Internet. Anonymity creates a unique culture among Internet users that anonymous messages are carefree. Anonymity helps users to expose injustice but can be used to attack people with vicious messages that  spread quickly on the Internet .

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 20 May 10

 

The number of human rights abuse on the internet has been on the rise. Behind the increase is the anonymity peculiar to the internet society. Anonymity on the internet that enables people to casually send out their messages has given rise to a unique culture. Whereas such a culture at times works effectively revealing lots of social injustices, it at other times amplifies and diffuses malicious intents instantly and thereby attacking people in the form of verbal violence.

 

添削

 

The number of human rights abuse on the internet has been on the rise. A major reason1 Behind the increase is the peculiar kind of anonymity peculiar to in the internet society. Anonymity on the internet that enables people to casually send out their messages and2 has given rise to a unique culture. Whereas such a culture at times works effectively revealing lots of social injustices, it can also at other times amplifies amplify and diffuses malicious intents instantly. and thereby attacking people in the form of verbal violence.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       このほうが直截な表現でしょう。

 

2.       並列文のほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of human rights abuse on the internet has been on the rise. A major reason is the peculiar kind of anonymity in the internet society. Anonymity on the internet enables people to casually send out their messages and has given rise to a unique culture. Whereas such a culture at times works effectively revealing lots of social injustices, it can also   amplify and diffuse malicious intents instantly. attacking people in the form of verbal violence.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、24 October 07

 

The infringement of human rights on the Internet is increasing in number. This is caused by anonymity in the Internet. Anonymity in the Internet which enables us to lightheartedly transmit information produces particular culture and displays strength in the accusation of wrong. On the other hand, it has the aspect that malice on the Internet instantly amplifies and spreads. This will turn into verbal violence which attacks people.

 

添削

 

The iInfringements of human rights on the Internet is are increasing in number. This is caused by anonymity on in the Internet. Anonymity in the Internet which enables us to freely lightheartedly transmit information on the Internet and produces a particular Internet culture. People can strongly and displays strength in the accuse accusation of wrong doing of others. But some people intentionally send On the other hand, it has the aspect that malice malicious messages verbally attacking others on the Internet that instantly amplifiesy and spreads on the Internet,. This will turn into  verbal violence which attacks people.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますがdisplays strength in the accusation of wrongmalice on the Internetがわかりにくいですね。添削のように具体的にするとよいでしょう。

 

Infringements of human rights on the Internet are increasing in number. This is caused by anonymity on the Internet. Anonymity enables us to freely transmit information on the Internet and produces a particular Internet culture. People can strongly accuse wrong doing of others. But some people intentionally send malicious messages verbally attacking others that instantly amplify and spread on the Interne.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 10 March 07

 

Reports on human rights abuse on the Internet have been on the rise. This is because of anonymity on the Internet. People can casually send messages in a forum on the Internet and it has created a unique culture. The anonymity on the Internet helps uncover corruption, but it also spreads and intensifies malicious messages over the Internet in a moment to attack people.

 

添削

 

Reports on human rights abuse on the Internet have been on the rise. This is because of people can remain anonymous1 anonymity on the Internet. So, Ppeople can casually send messages in to a forum on the Internet.  and it has created a unique culture. The This anonymity on the Internet has created a unique culture of its own2. It can3 helps uncover corruptions4, but it can also spreads and intensifiesy malicious messages to attack people instantaneously5 over the Internet in a moment to attack people.

 

コメント

 

1.       元のままでもよいですが、This is because of ~とすると、A is B.という文型でちょと舌足らずな印象を受けます。添削は文が長くなりますが、前の文との関連でちょうどよいでしょう。またpeopleを入れたことで文の印象が身近になります。文の簡潔さと説明力の兼ね合いは難しいですね。書いた文章を口に出して読んでみると、リズムがわかり、短くしたり長くしたりするのに役立つことがあります。

 

2.       ここに入れたほうが文章全体の流れがよくなります。of its ownはおまけですが、リズムをよくします。

 

3.       ここでは可算名詞にして複数のすると具体的になります。

 

4.       ここのcanは「〜することもある」という意味ですね。

 

5.       “In a moment.”「ちょっと待ってね」という句があるために、時間がかかりすぎる印象になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Reports on human rights abuse on the Internet have been on the rise. This is because people can remain anonymous on the Internet. So, people can casually send messages to a forum on the Internet. This anonymity on the Internet has created a unique culture of its own. It can help uncover corruptions but it can also spread and intensify malicious messages to attack people instantaneously.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、12 April 06

 

The number of the reports about human right abuse is increasing. Behind this, there is an “anonymous” nature of the Internet. Anonymity in the net world enables people to write messages easily and has created a “peculiar culture”. The net anonymity is effective to accuse injustice, but it would spur malicious intentions that can be amplified and spread in a second and attack people using violence of words.

 

添削

 

The number of the reports about human right abuse on the Internet is increasing1. Behind Underlying2 this trend, there is an the “anonymous” nature of the Internet. Anonymity in on the Internet world enables people to write messages easily casually and has created a “peculiar culture”. The Internet anonymity is effective to for accuseing social injustice, but it would can easily spur people to write malicious intentions messages3 that can be amplified and spread across the Internet in a second and attacking people using with violence of violent words.

 

1.       An increasing number of human right abuse on the Internet is reported.という表現もできます。Human right abuse on the Internet is increasing.という簡単なキーセンテンスも効果的です。

 

2.       「背景には」は英文では「〜がその底辺にある」という表現になることが多いです。面白いですね。If something underlies a feeling or situation, it is the cause or base of it.Collins COBUILDは説明しています。His memory of childhood underlies his peculiar reaction to this event.

 

3.       文章の中に既にmessageが出ているので、ここもmalicious messagesとすると具体的になります。

添削後の文章

 

The number of reports about human right abuse on the Internet is increasing. Underlying this trend is the “anonymous” nature of the Internet. Anonymity on the Internet world enables people to write messages casually and has created a “peculiar culture”. The Internet anonymity is effective for accusing social injustice, but it can easily spur people to write malicious messages that can be amplified and spread across the Internet in a second attacking people with violent words.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、15 March 06

 

There have been more and more cases reported of human rights infringements on the Internet. Behind this, there lies "anonymity," the nature of the Internet. Anonymity on the Internet enables us to send casual messages and brood a very unique culture. While the Internet sometimes becomes very helpful in accusing wrongdoings, it also instantly multiplies and spreads ill natures which lead to verbal violence attacking people.

 

添削

 

There have been more and more cases reported of human rights infringements on the Internet. Behind this trend, there lies "anonymitythe anonymous," the nature1 of the Internet. Anonymity on the Internet enables us to send casual messages casually2 and brood a very unique culture. While the Internet sometimes becomes very helpful in accusing wrongdoings, it can also instantly multiplies and spreads malicious messages verbally ill natures which lead to verbal violence attacking people3.

 

コメント

 

1.       「ネット世界の匿名性」は「匿名的な特徴を持つインターネット」the anonymous nature of the internetとするとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       ここではsend casual messages 「くだけた感じのメッセージを送る」よりsend messages casually「気楽にメッセージを送る」のほうがよいでしょう。

 

3.       悪意もまた、瞬時に増幅・拡散し、言葉の暴力となって人々に襲いかかる面を持っている。」は「インターネットは(言葉を持って人に襲い掛かるような)悪意あるメッセージを瞬時に増幅、拡散することができる。」として抽象的な「悪意」を具体的な「悪意のあるメッセージ」にすると表現がやさしくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

There have been more and more cases of human rights infringements on the Internet. Behind this trend lies the anonymous nature of the Internet. Anonymity on the Internet enables us to send messages casually and brood a very unique culture. While the Internet sometimes becomes very helpful in accusing wrongdoings, it can also instantly multiplies and spreads malicious messages verbally attacking people.

 

 

初級練習問題 258 

 

食習慣としての味覚は十歳ごろまでに形成されるといわれています。子供時代の食の記憶が大人になってからのその人の食べ方を決めるといって過言ではありません。子供を対象にした数々の食品が町に氾濫していますが、食品企業の本音は「小さいうちにわが社の味に慣れさせておいて大人になっても購買して欲しい。」ということでしょう。

 

読者からの投稿 6(Kappa2013, 7June13

 

It says that taste as eating habits is formed by around ten years old. It is not too much to say that eat memory during children ages determines the eating way of the person after grow. Many foods for the kids are flooded on the town shores. The bottom line the food industries want will be that the kids are accustomed to eat their foods and will buy the same after their growing.

 

添削

 

It is said says that an individual taste for food as eating habits is formed by around ten years old. Therefore, It is not too much to say that eat the memory of food during the children ages determines the eating way of eating when the person after grows up. Many kinds of foods for the children kids are flooded in the on the town shores by food companies. The reason is bottom line that the food companies industries want will be that the children kids are accustomed to eat their products foods and will buy the same products after when they grow up their growing.

 

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       内容の無い修飾節なので省略します。

 

2.       食品産業とするより食品加工会社とするほうが具体的になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

It is said that an individual taste for food is formed by around ten years old. Therefore, the memory of food during the child age determines the way of eating when the person grows up. Many kinds of food for children are flooded in the shores by food companies. The reason is that food companies want that children are accustomed to eat their products and will buy the same products when they grow up .

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 13 June 12

 

It is believed that people form the taste for food by ten years old. It is probably fair to say that we acquire basic eating habits in childhood. Abundant food products for children in town suggest that food companies feel the need to familiarize children with the taste of their food products at early stage so that children can keep buying its products after they grow up.

 

添削

 

It is believed that people form their tastes for food by ten years old. It is also probably fair to say that we acquire basic eating habits in childhood. Abundant food products for children in town suggest that food companies feel the need to familiarize children with the tastes of their food products at the early stage of children so that the children can keep buying their its products after they grow up.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。読みやすい文章です。

 

添削後の文章

 

It is believed that people form their tastes for food by ten years old. It is also probably fair to say that we acquire basic eating habits in childhood. Abundant food products for children in town suggest that food companies feel the need to familiarize children with the tastes of their food products at the early stage of children so that the children keep buying their products after they grow up.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 10 May 10

 

Our sense of taste for food is said to be formed by around age ten. It is fair to say that memories of diet in our childhood determine our eating habits in adulthood. We see various kinds of foodstuffs targeted for children flooding here and there in town these days. It seems to me that what food companies really want is to have children get used to tastes of their products so that children may keep buying the products even after they grow up.

 

添削

 

Our sense of taste for food is said to be formed by around age ten. It is fair to say that memories of diet in our childhood determine our eating habits in adulthood. We see various kinds of foodstuffs targeted for children flooding the market here and there in town these days. It seems to me that what food companies really want is to have children get used to the tastes of their products so that children may keep buying the products even after they grow up.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。文の流れがよくて読みやすい文章です。

 

添削後の文章

 

Our sense of taste for food is said to be formed by around age ten. It is fair to say that memories of diet in our childhood determine our eating habits in adulthood. We see various kinds of foodstuffs targeted for children flooding the market these days. It seems to me that what food companies really want is to have children get used to the tastes of their products so that children may keep buying the products even after they grow up.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、25 October 07

 

Our sense of taste as eating habits is formed by around ten years old. It is not too much to say that when we become an adult, our eating manner is decided by a sense of taste we memorized in the childhood. A lot of food products for children are being sold in towns. Food companies aim that if children get used of a taste of their food products and when children become an adult, they will also buy the same products the same food companies sell.

 

添削

 

Our sense of taste for food as eating habits is formed by around ten years old. It is not too much to say that when we become an adult1, our eating manner is decided by a sense of taste we have memorized in the childhood. A lot of food products for children are being sold now in towns. Food companies believe aim that if children get used to the of a taste of their food products and when children become an adult, then they will also buy the same products when they grow up2 the same food companies sell.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       前の文の内容と重複するので省くとよいでしょう。

 

2.       このように内容の順序を変えると因果関係がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Our sense of taste for food is formed by around ten years old. It is not too much to say that our eating manner is decided by a sense of taste we have memorized in the childhood. A lot of food products for children are being sold now. Food companies believe that if children get used to the taste of their food products, then they will also buy the same products when they grow up .

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、12 April 06

 

It is said that the sense of taste is formed by the age of around ten. It is not too much to say that the memory of the foods you ate in the childhood decides your eating habit after growing up. There are many foods around us that target on children. The food companies seem to profoundly calculate for having the children accustom to the taste of their products and lead to select the same taste foods when the children become adults and afford to buy by themselves.

 

添削

 

It is said that the sense of taste is formed by the age of around ten. Therefore, It is not too much to say that1 the memory of the foods you ate have eaten in the your childhood decides your eating habit now2 after growing up. There are many processed3 foods around us that target on children. The fFood products companies seem to profoundly take advantage of this human nature and calculate that for having the children accustomed to the taste of their products and can lead children to select the same taste foods when the children their products when they grow up and can become adults and afford to buy food products by themselves4.

 

コメント

 

1.       It is not too much to say that ~という表現はあまり見たことが無いので、ここでは前の文とのつながりを大切にして、Thereforeとしました。

 

2.       youを対象にしているので、「現在は成人しているあなた」と仮定して、添削のようにすると文が効果的になるでしょう。

 

3.       foodsには野菜なども含まれるので、ここではprocessed foods加工食品と具体的にしました。

 

4.       「大人になっても購買して欲しい」を「大人になって自分で加工食品が買えるようになった時に」と説明したのがよいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

It is said that the sense of taste is formed by the age of around ten. Therefore, the memory of foods you have eaten in your childhood decides your eating habit now. There are many processed foods around us that target on children. Food products companies seem to take advantage of this human nature and calculate that having children accustomed to the taste of their products can lead children to select their products when they grow up and can afford to buy food products by themselves.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、15 March 06

 

It is said that one's sense of taste in eating habits forms before he reaches about ten years old. It is not too much to say that one's childhood memories of food decide what to eat when he grows up. There are a lot of foods around us which target children. What food companies really think is that they want to make children get used to their companys' tastes while children are still young so that children can again feel like buying their products even when they grow up.

 

添削

 

It is said that one's our1 sense of taste2 for food in eating habits forms is formed before he we reaches about ten years old. It is not too much to say It goes without saying3 that one's our childhood memories of food decide what to we eat when he we grows up. There are a lot of foods products4 around us which are targeted at children. What food product companies really think wish to do is that they want to make children get used to their companys' the tastes of their food products while children are still young, so that the children can again feel like buying their products even when they grow up.

 

コメント

 

1.       主語をweで統一すると文章がやさしくなります。

 

2.       a sense of tasteは本来、味覚、の意味ですが、a sense of taste for food とすれば明確でしょう。

 

3.       「〜と言っても過言ではありません」it goes without saying that ~ と言う言い回しを中学で習って以来数回しか使う機会が有りませんでしたが、ここでは適当しょう。

 

4.       「加工食品」(processed) food productsが適切でしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

It is said that our sense of taste for food is formed before we reach about ten years old. It goes without saying that our childhood memories of food decide what we eat when we grows up. There are a lot of food products around us which are targeted at children. What food product companies really wish to do is to make children get used to the tastes of their food products, so that the children feel like buying their products when they grow up.

 

 

初級練習問題 259

 

NTTデータは11月15日、学校から保護者への連絡を、携帯電話やメールなど複数の手段で自動的に一斉に伝えるサービス「子ども安全連絡網」を開発したと発表した。児童が犯罪の被害に遭う事態が増えているため、従来の電話連絡網より、確実に短時間で重要な情報を伝えられるようにした。新サービスは、学校から緊急情報の連絡がある場合、学校のパソコンでメッセージを打ち込んでNTTデータのセンターに送信すると、固定電話や携帯電話、電子メール、ファクスを通じ、登録したすべての保護者に一斉に伝わる仕組みだ。

 

読者からの投稿 7(Kappa2013, 22 June 13

 

On November 15, NTT DATA announced the development of “ Children Safety Network Service” with which we can tell the parents the messages from school automatically at once by several means such as mobile phone or e-mail. Since the criminal incidents to the children are increasing, it enables quicker and surer messages transfer than usual telephone network lines. Mechanism of the new service is that when an emergency message is to send from school, they send the messages by the school PC to NTT DATA Center and the massages are transmitted at once to all the registered parents through fixed telephone, mobile phone, e-mail or fax.

 

添削

 

On November 15, NTT DATA announced the development of “ Children’s Safety Network Service,by with which schools1 we can send tell the parents a the messages from school automatically at once to by several communication devices means such as the mobile phone and or e-mail. Since the criminal incidents involving to the children are increasing, this new system it will enables to send quicker and surer messages transfer than the usual telephone network lines. The Mmechanism of the new service is that when a school wants to send an emergency message is to send from school, the school they sends the messages from bya  the school PC to NTT DATA Center. Then and the massages is are transmitted at once to all the registered parents through the fixed telephone, mobile phone, e-mail and or fax.

 

コメント

 

文の主語が代わるので分かり難いところがありますが、文章全体の内容は推測できます。

 

1.       主語をこの行為の当事者である学校にするとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On November 15, NTT DATA announced the development of “ Children’s Safety Network Service,” by which schools can send parents a message at once to several communication devices such as the mobile phone and e-mail. Since criminal incidents involving children are increasing, this new system will enable to send quicker and surer messages than the usual telephone network. The mechanism of the new service is that when a school wants to send an emergency message, the school sends the message from a school PC to NTT DATA Center. Then the massage is transmitted at once to all registered parents through the fixed telephone, mobile phone, e-mail and fax.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(OKEN, 21 July 12

 

NTT DATA announced on November 15 that they have developed a new service, “Safety network for children”, by which schools can send a message to parents using several measures such as cell phones, e-mails. Considering an increasing number of children being a victim of a crime, the service enables schools to convey important information to parents more certainly and faster than previous telephone network. The new service works as follows: In case of emergency information, schools send the information to NTT DATA center  through personal computers in schools. The information is immediately sent to registered parents through fixed telephones, cell phones, e-mails or faxes

 

添削

 

NTT DATA announced on November 15 that they had1 have developed a new service, called the “Safety network for children”, by which schools can send a message to parents using several measures such as cell phones, and e-mails. Considering an increasing number of children’s becoming being a the victim to of a crime2, the service will3 enables schools to convey important information to parents more certainly and faster than the current3 previous telephone network. The new service works as follows: In case of sending emergency information, schools send the information to the NTT DATA center  through personal computers in schools. The information is then immediately sent to registered parents through fixed telephones, cell phones, e-mails and or faxes.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       announcedとの時制の一致で、過去形になります。

 

2.       becoming a (the) victim to ~ 「〜の犠牲になる」という常套句があります。

 

3.       このような時系列の対比のほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

NTT DATA announced on November 15 that they had developed a new service, called the “Safety network for children”, by which schools can send a message to parents using several measures such as cell phones and e-mail. Considering an increasing number of children’s becoming the victim to a crime, the service will enable schools to convey important information to parents more certainly and faster than the current telephone network. The new service works as follows: In case of sending emergency information, schools send the information to the NTT DATA center through personal computers in schools. The information is then immediately sent to registered parents through fixed telephones, cell phones, e-mails and faxes.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 21 June 12

 

On November 15, NTT Date Corporation announced that they developed a new service called "a safety network for children". Amid an increasing number of crimes that target children, the service makes it possible to surely transmit important messages of children's school to parents quicker than ever before. When school staff have to inform parents of messages urgently, the center simultaneously send the messages received from schools to all registered parents. Then, they can receive the messages by their accessible communication devices such as a land phone, handy phones, an email and a fax.

 

添削

 

On November 15, NTT Date Corporation announced that they developed a new service called "a safety network for children". Amid an increasing number of crimes that target children, the service makes it possible to surely transmit important messages of from children's schools to their parents quicker than ever before. When the school staff have to inform parents of a messages1 urgently, the new network service center can simultaneously send the messages received from a schools to all its registered parents. Then, the parents they can receive the messages by their various accessible communication devices such as a land phone, cellular handy phones, an email and a fax.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

ここからは単数形の例のほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On November 15, NTT Date Corporation announced that they developed a new service called "a safety network for children". Amid an increasing number of crimes that target children, the service makes it possible to surely transmit important messages from children's schools to their parents quicker than before. When the school staff have to inform parents of a message urgently, the new network service center can simultaneously send the message received from a school to all its registered parents. Then, the parents can receive the message by their various communication devices such as a land phone, cellular phone,  email and a fax.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 22 May 10

 

NTT Data Corporation announced on November 15 that it had developed a new communication service named “Network for Child Safety” which enables schools to automatically contact pupils’ guardians altogether via multiple means like cell-phone, e-mail and such.  In light of the recent rise in criminal cases involving school children, a key feature of this service is the ability to transmit critical information more reliably and quickly than the conventional telephone trees. The new service concurrently transmits an urgent message from a school to all the guardians registered via cell-phones, e-mail and facsimiles. All that the school in need of disseminating urgent information has to do is simply input a message into a personal computer at the school and forward it to the NTT Data Center.

 

添削

 

NTT Data Corporation announced on November 15 that it had developed a new communication service named “Network for Child Safety” which would enables schools to automatically contact all of their pupils’ guardians at the same time altogether via several kinds of communications multiple means like cell-phones, e-mail and such.  In light of the recent rise in criminal cases involving school children, a key feature of this service is the ability to transmit critical information more reliably and quickly than the conventional telephone network trees. The new service can concurrently transmits an urgent message from a school to all the guardians registered on the system via cell-phones, e-mail and facsimiles. All that the school has to do1 to send in need of disseminating an urgent message information has to do is simply to input a message into a personal computer at the school and forward it to the NTT Data Center.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       All that the school has to do is ~とまとめたほうが読みやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

NTT Data Corporation announced on November 15 that it had developed a new communication service named “Network for Child Safety” which would enable schools to automatically contact all of their pupils’ guardians at the same time via several kinds of communications like cell-phones, e-mail and such. In light of the recent rise in criminal cases involving school children, a key feature of this service is the ability to transmit critical information more reliably and quickly than the conventional telephone network. The new service can concurrently transmit an urgent message from a school to all guardians registered on the system via cell-phones, e-mail and facsimiles. All that the school has to do to send an urgent message is simply to input a message into a personal computer at the school and forward it to the NTT Data Center.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、26 October 07

 

NTT Data announced on November 15 that it has developed "safe network for children." Its service is that schools automatically inform students' guardians of information at the same time by using multiple ways such as mobile phones and e-mails. This service enables us to inform important information more reliably and quickly compared with a conventional telephone network. When schools have emergency information, teachers type a message in PCs and send it to NTT Data Corporation. Then, the information is sent to all registered guardians at the same time through telephones, mobile phones, e-mail and facsimiles.

 

添削

 

NTT Data announced on November 15 that it has developed a "safe network for children." By using this Its service is that schools can automatically inform students' guardians of information at the same time by using multiple ways such as mobile phones and e-mails. This service enables us schools to inform important information more reliably and quickly than compared with a the conventional telephone network. When schools have emergency information, teachers simply type a message on their in PCs and send it to NTT Data Corporation. Then, the information is sent to all registered guardians at the same time through telephones, mobile phones, e-mail and facsimiles.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

NTT Data announced on November 15 that it has developed a "safe network for children." By using this service schools can automatically inform students' guardians of information at the same time by using multiple ways such as mobile phones and e-mails. This service enables schools to inform important information more reliably and quickly than the conventional telephone network. When schools have emergency information, teachers simply type a message on their PCs and send it to NTT Data Corporation. Then, the information is sent to all registered guardians at the same time through telephones, mobile phones, e-mail and facsimiles.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、12 April 06

 

NTT Data announced on November 15 that it developed “Child Security Warning Service” that enabled school to automatically contact all students’ parents at once using cellar phone, email and others. As the number of criminal cases involving school children is increasing, this new service aimed to convey important information in shorter period than the conventional method which relayed the information from home to home through class telephone network. The new service works like this way. If the school needs to send an urgent message, a teacher writes the message with the computer at the school and sends it to information center of NTT Data. Then the message is simultaneously delivered all enrolled parents through telephone, cellular phone, email and fax.

 

添削

 

NTT Data announced on November 15 that it developed the “Child Security Warning Service” that would enabled schools to automatically contact all students’ parents at once using cellar phones, e-mail and others communications means1. As the number of criminal cases involving school children is increasing, this new service is aimed to at conveying important information to parents in shorter period surer and faster than the conventional method which relaysed2 the information from home to home through class a telephone network. The new service will works like this way.: If the a school needs to send an urgent message, a teacher writes the a message with into the computer at the school and sends it to the information center of at NTT Data. Then the message is simultaneously delivered to all enrolled registered parents through telephones, cellular phones, e-mail and faxes.

 

コメント

 

1.       文章全体の内容が順序良くまとまっていますね。other communication meansとしたほうが、othersより少し具体的になります。なるべく具体的に表現する、がプレイン・イングリッシュの特徴の一つですね。

 

2.       従来の連絡方法もまだ使われてるので現在形がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

NTT Data announced on November 15 that it developed the “Child Security Warning Service” that would enable schools to automatically contact all students’ parents at once using cellar phones, e-mail and other communications means. As the number of criminal cases involving school children is increasing, this new service is aimed at conveying important information to parents surer and faster than the conventional method which relays information from home to home through a telephone network. The new service will work like this: If a school needs to send an urgent message, a teacher writes a message into the computer at the school and sends it to the information center at NTT Data. Then the message is simultaneously delivered to all registered parents through telephones, cellular phones, e-mail and faxes.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、16 March 06

 

NTT Data Corporation announced on November 15 that it had developed the "Child Protection Network," a service enabling schools to automatically send simultaneous messages to their students' parents by using multiple devices such as cellular phone and e-mail. In order to cope with the increasing number of crimes which children may get into, the company made it possible to send important information more quickly without fail than the existing telephone network. The new service enables school staff to type in urgent messages from the keyboard of a school computer to send them to the NTT Data center.  The messages are then forwarded to all the registered parents simultaneously via fixed telephone, cellular phone, e-mail and fax.

 

添削

 

NTT Data Corporation announced on November 15 that it had developed the "Child Protection Network," a service enabling schools to automatically send simultaneous messages to their students' parents by using multiple devices such as a cellular phone and e-mail. In order to cope with the increasing number of crimes in which children may get intoinvolved, the company1 made it possible to send important information more quickly and reliably without fail than the existing telephone network. The new service enables school staff1 to type in urgent messages from the keyboard of a school computer to send them to the NTT Data center. The messages1 are then forwarded to all the registered parents simultaneously via a fixed telephone, a cellular phone, e-mail and a fax2.

 

コメント

 

1.       日本文では動作の主体(英語の主語に当たるもの)が明示してありませんが、マウント60さんは適切な主体を主語に選んで、文章をわかりやすくしています。

 

2.       「新サービスは、学校から緊急情報の連絡がある場合、学校のパソコンでメッセージを打ち込んでNTTデータのセンターに送信すると、固定電話や携帯電話、電子メール、ファクスを通じ、登録したすべての保護者に一斉に伝わる仕組みだ。」は長い文ですがマウント60さん下線の部分で文を切って「〜送信する。すると〜」という二つの英文にしていますね。「新サービスは学校のスタッフにコンピュータから緊急メッセージをNTTデータセンターに送ることを可能にする。」という言い換えが英文をとてもわかりやすいものにしています。

 

添削後の文章

 

NTT Data Corporation announced on November 15 that it had developed the "Child Protection Network," a service enabling schools to automatically send simultaneous messages to their students' parents by using multiple devices such as a cellular phone and e-mail. In order to cope with the increasing number of crimes in which children get involved, the company made it possible to send important information more quickly and reliably than the existing telephone network. The new service enables school staff to type in urgent messages from the keyboard of a school computer to send them to the NTT Data center. The messages are then forwarded to all the registered parents simultaneously via a fixed telephone, a cellular phone, e-mail and a fax.

 

 

 

初級練習問題 260

 

ローマの観光名所「トレビの泉」で、観光客が投げ込んだ大量の硬貨を持ち去ろうとした4人組が11月14日、逮捕された。逮捕時に約1200ユーロ(約17万円)を所持していたが、これまでに計約11万ユーロ(約1530万円)を盗んでいた疑いがあるという。警察当局の調べによると、18歳から50歳の4人はいずれも清掃業に従事。4人は硬貨を回収する際に、清掃用具に隠し、持ち出していたという。硬貨を寄付として受けとっていた慈善団体が、最近、硬貨の量が激減していることに気づき、事件が発覚した。

 

読者からの投稿 6(OKEN, 12 December 12

 

Four men team who tried to steal a lot of coins thrown by tourists into the Trevi Fountain, Roman sightseeing spot, was arrested on November 14. They had about 1,200 Euro (about 170 thousand yen) when arrested. It is alleged that they had already stolen about 110, 000 Euro in total (about 15.3 million yen) . According to the police authority, all the four men from 18 to 50 years old were at work for cleaning. Apparently, they hid the coins behind cleaning tools and sneaked them out when collecting them. Charity organizations that have received them as a donation found that the amount of them recently decreased drastically. This fact revealed the case.

 

添削

 

A Ffour- men team who tried to steal stole a lot of coins thrown by tourists into the Trevi Fountain, a famous Roman sightseeing spot in Rome, was arrested on November 14. They had about 1,200 Euro (about 170 thousand yen) when arrested. It is alleged that they had already stolen about 110, 000 Euro in total (about 15.3 million yen) . According to the police authority, all the four men from 18 to 50 years old were s at work for cleaning crew of the fountain. Apparently, they hid the coins behind cleaning tools and sneaked them out later when collecting them. Charity organizations that had been have receiveding the coins them as a donations found that the amount of coins them recently decreased drastically. This fact led to the arrest of the group revealed the case.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A four-men team who stole a lot of coins thrown by tourists into Trevi Fountain, a famous  sightseeing spot in Rome, was arrested on November 14. They had about 1,200 Euro (about 170 thousand yen) when arrested. It is alleged that they had already stolen about 110, 000 Euro in total (about 15.3 million yen) . According to the police authority, all the four men from 18 to 50 years old were s cleaning crew of the fountain. Apparently, they hid the coins behind cleaning tools and sneaked them out later. Charity organizations that had been  receiving the coins as donations found that the amount of coins recently decreased drastically. This led to the arrest of the group .

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 21 June 12

 

On November 14, four men were arrested for stealing a lot of coins tossed into Rome's Trevi Fountain. They are suspected of having stolen 110,000 euro or 15,300,000 yen in total. When they got arrested, they had 12,000,000 euro or 17,000 yen. The suspects between the ages of 18 and 50 years old were workers of a cleaning firm that had been contracted to collect the coins from the fountain and smuggled the coins putting into their cleaning tools. While the collected coins is donated to a charity, coin totals show a sharp decline recently. The charity noticed that something was wrong, they reported to the police.

 

添削

 

On November 14, four men were arrested in Rome for stealing a lot of coins tossed into Rome's Trevi Fountain. They are suspected of having stolen 110,000 euro or 15,300,000 yen in total. When they got arrested, they had 1,200 12,000,000 euro or 17,000 yen. The suspects between the ages of 18 and 50 years old were workers of a cleaning firm that had been contracted to collect the coins from the fountain. and They1 smuggled out the coins from the fountain by putting them into their cleaning tools. While tThe collected coins were is donated to a charity, but the total number of coins totals showed a sharp decline recently. The charity noticed that something was wrong and , they reported it to the police.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかりますが、数字が日本文と違います。

 

1.       andの前後の内容がまっすぐにつながらないので、ここから新しい文にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

On November 14, four men were arrested in Rome for stealing a lot of coins tossed into  Trevi Fountain. They are suspected of having stolen 110,000 euro or 15,300,000 yen in total. When they got arrested, they had 1,200 euro or 17,000 yen. The suspects between the age of 18 and 50 were workers of a cleaning firm that had been contracted to collect the coins from the fountain. They smuggled out the coins from the fountain by putting them into their cleaning tools. The collected coins were donated to a charity but the total number of coins  showed a sharp decline recently. The charity noticed that something was wrong and they reported it to the police.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 22 May 10

 

On November 14, a group of four men were arrested for stealing a large volume of coins tourists had tossed into Trevi Fountain, a tourist landmark in Rome. When arrested they had about 1,200 euro (170 thousand yen) with them and are suspected of having stolen about 110 thousand euro (15,300 thousand yen) thus far. According to the police, all of the four men, aged 18 to 50, were working for a cleaning firm and were smuggling out the coins hiding them in cleaning utensils when collecting the coins from the fountain. This crime was revealed when the charity organization that had been receiving the coins as donations noticed a recent steep fall of the donation.

 

添削

 

On November 14, a group of four men were arrested for stealing a large volume of coins tourists had tossed into Trevi Fountain, a tourist landmark in Rome. When arrested they had about 1,200 euro (170 thousand yen) with them and are were suspected of having stolen about 110 thousand euro (15,300 thousand yen) thus far. According to the police, all of the four men, aged 18 to 50, were working for a cleaning firm and were smuggling out the coins hiding them in cleaning utensils after when collecting the coins from the fountain. This The crime was revealed when the charity organization that had been receiving the coins as a donations noticed a recent steep fall of in the amount of donation.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On November 14, a group of four men were arrested for stealing a large volume of coins tourists had tossed into Trevi Fountain, a tourist landmark in Rome. When arrested they had about 1,200 euro (170 thousand yen) with them and were suspected of having stolen about 110 thousand euro (15,300 thousand yen) thus far. According to the police, all of the four men, aged 18 to 50, were working for a cleaning firm and were smuggling out the coins hiding them in cleaning utensils after collecting the coins from the fountain. The crime was revealed when the charity organization that had been receiving the coins as a donation noticed a steep fall in the amount of donation.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、27 October 07

 

On November 4, four people were arrested for taking a lot of money which sightseers threw at Trevi Fountain, a famous tourist spot. When they were arrested, they had 1,200 euro or about 170 thousand yen. But there is a doubt that they have ever stolen a total of 110 thousand euro or 15,300 thousand yen. According to police, four people who are from 18 to 50 years old are a cleaner. When they collect coins, they concealed coins in tools for cleaning to remove them. As a charity organization which receives coins as donation recently found that coins sharply decreased in number, the incident was discovered.

 

添削

 

On November 4, four people were arrested for taking a lot of money which sightseers threw at into Trevi Fountain, a famous tourist spot in Rome. When they were arrested, they had 1,200 euro or about 170 thousand yen with them. But there is a suspicion doubt1 that they could have ever stolen a total of 110 thousand euro or 15,300 thousand yen. According to the police, four people who are from 18 to 50 years old are a cleaners. When they cleaned the fountain, they collected coins in the fountain, they concealed them coins in the tools for cleaning and walked away2 to remove them. The incident was discovered when As a charity organization which receiveds the coins as donations recently found that the amount of coins sharply decreased in number, the incident was discovered.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。最後の文は順序を添削のように変えたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

1.       There was no doubt that he had stolen the money.  「彼がその金を盗んだことについては疑いの余地が無い。」と否定形で使いますが、肯定形の時はThere was doubt whether or not he had stolen the money. 「彼がその金を盗んだかどうかはっきりしない。」という形で使います。There was a suspicion that he had stolen the money. 「彼がその金を盗んだという疑惑がある。」という形がよいでしょう。

 

2.       事柄の順序をこのようにつづけるとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On November 4, four people were arrested for taking a lot of money which sightseers threw into Trevi Fountain, a famous tourist spot in Rome. When they were arrested, they had 1,200 euro or about 170 thousand yen with them. But there is a suspicion that they could have stolen a total of 110 thousand euro or 15,300 thousand yen. According to the police, four people who are from 18 to 50 years old are cleaners. When they cleaned the fountain, they collected coins in the fountain, concealed them in the tools for cleaning and walked away. The incident was discovered when a charity organization which received the coins as donations recently found that the amount of coins sharply decreased.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、13 April 06

 

A group of four people was caught on the charge of taking away a large quantity of coins from the ‘Trevi Fountain” that is a famous sightseeing spot in Rome and visitors threw coins into. The culprits had 1200 euro (about 170 thousand yen), when they were arrested. But they are suspected to have stolen totally 110 thousand euro (about 153 million yen) so far. According to the police investigation, all four culprits, from age of 18 to 50, worked as cleaners of the fountain. They hid the coins in their cleaning tools when they carried out them. The case was discovered because a philanthropic organization recently noticed the amount of the coins that the organization received as donation had decreased sullenly.

 

添削

 

A group of four people was caught on the charge of taking away a large quantity of coins from the ‘Trevi Fountain of Trevi, that is a famous sightseeing spot in Rome and into which visitors threw throw coins into1. The culprits had 1,200 euros (about 170 thousand yen), when they were arrested. But they are suspected to have stolen totally 110 thousand euro (about 153 million yen) so far in total. According to the police investigation, all four culprits, from age of 18 to 50, worked as cleaners of the fountain. They walked away from the fountain2 by hiding the coins in their cleaning tools when they carried out them. The case was discovered because a philanthropic organization recently noticed the amount of the coins that the organization received as donations had decreased sullenly significantly.

 

コメント

 

1.       the Fountain of Trevi that is a famous sightseeing spot in Rome and visitors threw coins intoは全体が関係代名詞節ですが、後半の文と関係代名詞の関係がはっきりしません(意味はわかりますが)。the Fountain of Trevi that is a famous sightseeing spot in Rome and into which visitors throw coins into.ともう一度関係代名詞を入れるか、または添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       この部分を文の前半にしたほうが内容がはっきりするでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A group of four people was caught on the charge of taking away a large quantity of coins from the Fountain of Trevi, a famous sightseeing spot in Rome into which visitors throw coins. The culprits had 1,200 euros (about 170 thousand yen), when they were arrested. But they are suspected to have stolen 110 thousand euro (about 153 million yen) in total. According to the police, all four culprits, from age 18 to 50, worked as cleaners of the fountain. They walked away from the fountain by hiding the coins in their cleaning tools. The case was discovered because a philanthropic organization recently noticed the amount of the coins that the organization received as donations had decreased significantly.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、16 March 06

 

At the "Trevi Fountain," a well-known sightseeing spot in Rome, a group of four people were arrested on November 14 on charges of making off with a large number of coins that tourists had thrown into the fountain. When arrested, they had about 1,200 euros (about 170,000 yen) but are suspected of having stolen a total of 110,000 euros (about 15.3 million yen) so far. According to the investigation by the police, the four ranging from 18 to 50 years of age were all engaged in cleaning the fountain. They were carrying away coins by concealing them from people's eyes with cleaning tools when collecting coins from the fountain. Their wrongdoing surfaced because a charity organization noticed a recent sharp decline in the number of coins the organization was receiving as donation.

 

添削

 

At the "the Trevi Fountain of Trevi," a well-known sightseeing spot in Rome, a group of four people were was1 arrested on November 14 on charges of making off with stealing a large number of coins that tourists had thrown into the fountain. When arrested, they had about 1,200 euros (about 170,000 yen) on them but are suspected of having stolen a total of 110,000 euros (about 15.3 million yen) so far2. According to the investigation by the police, the four ranging from 18 to 50 years of age were all engaged in cleaning the fountain. They were carrying away coins by concealing them from people's eyes with in cleaning tools when collecting coins from the fountain. Their wrongdoing surfaced because a charity organization noticed a recent sharp decline in the number of coins the organization was receiving as donations.

 

1.       a group of four peoplea groupを強調するか、four peopleを強調するかで動詞が変わりますが、ここでは窃盗団と強調してwasとしました。賽銭泥棒ですね。観光シーズンには泉が見えないほど周囲に観光客がいますが、いつコインを集めたのでしょうね。

 

2.       a total of ~とあるのでso farは入らないでしょう。この窃盗団も泉での商売は終わりでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

At the "the Fountain of Trevi," a well-known sightseeing spot in Rome, a group of four people was arrested on November 14 on charge of stealing a large number of coins that tourists had thrown into the fountain. When arrested, they had about 1,200 euros (about 170,000 yen) on them but are suspected of having stolen a total of 110,000 euros (about 15.3 million yen). According to the investigation by the police, the four ranging from 18 to 50 years of age were all engaged in cleaning the fountain. They were carrying away coins by concealing them from people's eyes in cleaning tools. Their wrongdoing surfaced because a charity organization noticed a recent sharp decline in the number of coins the organization was receiving as donations.