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初級練習問題添削 241−250

 

初級練習問題添削 241(14 Feb 06) (24 Feb 06) (1 Oct 07) (10 Dec 07) (4 July 09)

(4 Apr 10) (29 March 12) (16 Nov 16)

 

初級練習問題添削 242(15 Feb 06) (24 Feb 06) (3 Oct 07) (12 Dec 07) (4 July 09)

                                          (4 Apr 10) (29 March 12) (19 Nov 16)

 

初級練習問題添削 243(16 Feb 06) (25 Feb 06) (5 Oct 07) (13 Dec 07) (5 May 10)

                                          (28 May 10) (4 May 12) (19 Nov 16)

 

初級練習問題添削 244(25 Feb 06) (28 Feb 06) (6 Oct 07) (5 May 10) (28 May 10)

                                          (4 May 12) (23 Nov 16)

 

初級練習問題添削 245(27 Feb 06) (28 Feb 06) (6 Oct 07) (5 May 10) (2 June 10)

                                          (8 May 12) (23 Nov 16)

 

初級練習問題添削 246(27 Feb 06) (28 Feb 06) (7 Oct 07) (8 May 10) (2 June 10)

                                          (8 May 12) (25 Nov 16)

 

初級練習問題添削 247(1 March 06) (12 March 06) (7 Oct 07) (8 May 10) (7 June 10)

                                          (8 May 12) (25 Nov 16)

 

初級練習問題添削 248(1 March 06) (12 March 06) (6 Oct 07) (9 May 10) (7 June 10)

                                          (11 May 12) (23 Dec 12)

初級練習問題添削 249(2 March 06) (17 March 06) (6 Oct 07) (10 May 10) (11 May 12)

                                          (19 July 12)

初級練習問題添削 250(2 March 06) (17 March 06) (7 Oct 07) (11 May 10) (14 May 12)

 

初級練習問題 241

 

インターネットの登場なので犯罪が変質し、治安の一層の悪化が懸念される中、地域住民地自身による防犯意識が急激に高まっている。警察に頼るだけでなく、自らを守る、という必要性に迫られた意識変化といえよう。

 

読者からの投稿 8(BURU, 16 November 16

 

The type of crimes has been changed after an Internet is prevailing. With concerning about a worse public security, an anticrime measure is rapidly enhancing among local residents. Those people are now thinking of securing crimes themselves besides the police. This means that the public is forced to changing their thinking by necessity.

 

添削

 

The type of crimes has been changed after an the Internet appeared is prevailing. With a concerning about a worse deteriorating public security, an anticrime measures are is rapidly adopted enhancing  by among local residents. Those people are now thinking of securing public security crimes by themselves besides the police. This means that the public is forced to changeing their thinking by necessity.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The type of crimes has changed after the Internet appeared . With a concern about deteriorating public security, anticrime measures are rapidly adopted by local residents. Those people are now thinking of securing public security by themselves besides the police. This means that the public is forced to change their thinking by necessity.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(Lucca, 29 March 12

 

Local residents are rapidly enhancing an awareness of self-defense against crimes. More and more people are concerned about the deteriorating public safety because the nature of crime has changed reflecting the spread of the Internet. The residents came to realize the importance that they need to protect themselves with the local police who are ensuring the regional security. 

 

添削

 

Local residents are rapidly enhancing an awareness of self-defense against crimes. More and more people are concerned about the deteriorating public safety because the nature of crime has changed reflecting the spread of the Internet. The residents came to realize the importance that they needed to protect themselves and could not depend entirely on with the local police to ensure1 who are ensuring the regional security. 

 

コメント

 

前半の意味はわかりますが、後半の意味がわかりません。

 

1.       to protect themselves with the local police who are ensuring the regional security. のところがわかりません。日本文の意味は添削のように解釈するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Local residents are rapidly enhancing an awareness of self-defense against crimes. More and more people are concerned about the deteriorating public safety because the nature of crime has changed reflecting the spread of the Internet. The residents came to realize that they needed to protect themselves and could not depend entirely on the local police to ensure  the regional security. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 4 April 10

 

Amid growing concern over worsening public security due to further complications of criminal patterns caused by the advent of internet, increasing awareness of self defense is seen among local residents. Apparently, this change in attitude is urged by a pressing need for self protection rather than counting solely on the police.

 

添削

 

Local residents are becoming aware of the importance of self-defence against crimes1 Aamid growing concern over worsening public security due to the further complications changing of criminal patterns of crimes caused by the advent of internet, increasing awareness of self defense is seen among local residents. Apparently, this change in attitude is urged by a pressing need for self protection rather than sole counting dependence2 solely on the police.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       従属節が長いので主節を文頭の置くほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       a pressing needと名詞句なので後半も名詞句にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Local residents are becoming aware of the importance of self-defence against crimes amid growing concern over worsening public security due to the changing patterns of crimes caused by the advent of internet. Apparently, this change in attitude is urged by a pressing need for self protection rather than sole dependence on the police.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Kappa2009, 4 July 09

 

The type of crime is degenerated due to the popularization of internet and other media, While security is further degraded, consciousness of crime prevention in the local residents becomes higher, It looks as if there is a change of the sense that everyone has to protect themselves not only dependent upon the police.

 

添削

 

The type of A crime is degenerateding due to the popularization of internet and other media and, While security is further degraded eroded1,. This is raising2 the level of consciousness of crime prevention in the local residents becomes higher., It looks as if there is a change of in the sense that everyone has to protect themselves himself and does not just only dependent3 upon the police.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       ここまでの内容を一つの文にまとめたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       becomes higherという「(自然に)〜した」という表現より、This raises ~という「Aが〜した」という表現が多いのが英語の特徴です。

 

3.       前半がevery has to protectという動詞を使った構文ですから、それに合わせて後半もdoes not depend upon ~と動詞と使った構文にするとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A crime is degenerating due to the popularization of internet and other media and security is further eroded. This is raising the level of consciousness of crime prevention in the local residents higher. It looks as if there is a change in the sense that everyone has to protect himself and does not just depend upon the police.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、10 December 07

 

The Internet has recently made crimes complicated. Awareness of anticrime measures by local residents have been heightening rapidly amid concerns that security has been getting poor. This should be results that a change in awareness of anticrime has been strongly required. They should feel it is necessary for them not only to depend on the police but also to defend themselves against crime.

 

添削

 

The Internet has recently made crimes complicated. In response to such a trend1, the level of Aawareness of anticrime measures by local residents is rising have been heightening rapidly amid concerns that security has been getting poor eroded. This should be results that a change in awareness of anticrime has been strongly required. Now local residents think that Tthey should feel it is necessary for them not only to depend on the police but also to defend themselves against crime and not just depend on the police2.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、This should be results that a change in awareness of anticrime has been strongly required.のところが文章全体にどういうようにつながるのかわかりません。日本文の「自らを守る、という必要性に迫られた意識変化といえよう。」に対応しているとおもいますが、英文ではこの文の前の文に同様な内容があるので、この文は必要ないでしょう。

 

1.       このような、前の文の内容を受ける接続句を入れるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       「自らを守る」というところを前にして強調するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Internet has recently made crimes complicated. In response to such a trend, the level of awareness of anticrime measures by local residents is rising rapidly amid concerns that security has been eroded. Now local residents think that they should defend themselves against crime and not just depend on the police.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、1 October 07

 

As the Internet spread in the society, crimes have changed in quality. Amid concerns that security is becoming worse, local residents are sharply enhancing their anticrime consciousness by themselves. Their consciousness changed as they had been aware of the necessity of not relying solely on police but defending themselves against crimes.

 

添削

 

As the Internet spread in the society1, the nature of crimes2 has have changed in quality. Amid the concerns that public security is becoming worse and worse, local residents are sharply enhancing their anticrime consciousness by themselves. They are now3Their consciousness changed as they had been aware of the necessity of not relying solely on the police but defending themselves against crimes.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       in society, in modern societyなどというときにはsocietyは不加算名詞になります。in a capitalistic society, in the traditional Japanese societyなどと、ある特定の社会を指すときには可算名詞になります。ややこしいですね。以前、英語を勉強している日本人が集まったパーティで、もし日本人向けの英語を作るとしたらどんな英語にするかが話題になりました。圧倒的な支持を受けた英語は冠詞無しの英語でした。

 

2.       ここでは犯罪一般なので単数形で代表します。

 

3.       They are now aware ~とすると構文が簡単になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

As the Internet spread in society, the nature of crime has changed. Amid the concern that public security is becoming worse and worse, local residents are sharply enhancing their anticrime consciousness by themselves. They are now aware of the necessity of not relying solely on the police but defending themselves against crimes.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、24 February 06

 

The nature of crime changed with the advent of the Internet, and it is feared that the condition of public safety is getting much worse than before. Under the circumstances, people in local communities are rapidly raising awareness of crime prevention based on their own responsibility. This change in awareness can be regarded as the result of the pressing need to protect themselves at their own risk rather than depend entirely on the police.

 

添削

 

The nature of crime has changed with the advent of the Internet, and it is feared that the condition level of public safety is getting much worse than before. Under the circumstances, people in local communities1 are rapidly raising their awareness of crime prevention based on their own responsibility efforts. This change in the awareness can be regarded as the a result of the pressing need to protect themselves at their own risk by their own initiatives2 rather than depend entirely on the police.

 

1.       地域住民の英語表現としてpeople in local communitiesというののはこの文章の内容から見て適切ですね。

 

2.       I will do it at my own risk. 「(誰にも迷惑はかけない)自分の責任でそれを行うつもりだ。」となりますが、protect themselves at their own riskは「(たとえ危険なことがあろうとも)自分たちで身を守る」という意味になりますね。この位の気概が必要なのでしょうが、ここではもう少し一般的に添削のようにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The nature of crime has changed with the advent of the Internet, and it is feared that the level of public safety is getting much worse than before. Under the circumstances, people in local communities are rapidly raising their awareness of crime prevention based on their own  efforts. This change in the awareness can be regarded as a result of the pressing need to protect themselves by their own initiatives rather than depend entirely on the police.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(さくら、14 February 06

 

The local people have been raising their security awareness rapidly, because the trend of crimes has changed due to the appearance of Internet and a concern of deteriorating public safety is growing. The change of people’s consciousness is the result of the urgent necessity that they have to protect their own by themselves not depending on police.

 

添削

 

The local people Local residents1 have been raising their level of security awareness rapidly, because the trend nature of crimes has changed due to the appearance of Internet and a concern of the quality of public safety has been deteriorating2 public safety is growing. The change of people’s consciousness is the result of theThey are compelled to believe that it is urgently necessity necessary3 that they have to take actions to protect their own by themselves and not just depending on the police to fight crime.

 

コメント

 

1.       「地域住民」というのは英語表現が難しい言葉ですね。日本語で一体どういう意味なのでしょうか。「日本のいろいろ地域に住む人達」という意味でしょうか?もしそうななら、Japanese peopleだけでよいでしょうね。local peopleというとlocal versus urbanで「地方の人達」という意味になります。「それぞれの地域に住む人達」と言う意味でlocal residentsとしました。

 

2.       the nature of crime has changed; the quality of public safety has been deterioratingと文型が平行になるようにするとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

3.       「必要性に迫られた意識変化といえよう」は「必要性」と「意識変化」を英文の名詞・名詞句で表現しようとすると難しくなるので、日本語でやさしく言い換えてから、英文で表現するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Local residents have been raising their level of security awareness rapidly because the nature of crime has changed due to the appearance of Internet and the quality of public safety has been deteriorating. They are compelled to believe that it is urgently necessary to take actions to protect themselves and not just depend on the police to fight crime.

 

 

初級練習問題 242

 

2006年春に卒業予定で就職を希望する大学生の就職内定率が2005年10月1日現在で86.8パーセントと前年を4.5パーセント上回ったことが厚生労働省の調査でわかった。景気が上向いていることに加え、団塊の世代が大量に定年退職する2007年問題が要因のようだ。

 

読者からの投稿 8(BURU, 19 November 16

 

The rate of unofficial job offer of college students who will graduate their college in spring of 2006 was 86.8 % as of October 1 in 2005, which rose 4.5% from last year. It was found by the research of Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare. This rise was caused by a good economic condition and the year 2007 compliment, which is assumed generating many retiring employees from baby boomers.

 

添削

 

The rate of unofficial ijob offer of About 86.8 percent of college students who will graduate their college in the spring of 2006 have already received informal job offers was 86.8 % as of October 1 in 2005.1, The percentage increased by which rose 4.5% from last year. This It was found by a survey the research of Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare. This increase rise was caused partly by a the good economic condition and partly by the year 2007 problem compliment, which is expected to assumed generateing many retiring employees from  of baby boomers.

 

コメント

 

大まかな内容は推測できます。

 

1.       「就職内定率」は日本に特有な現象と概念なので、これを英語句で説明しようとすると長くなります。ここのところの日本語の内容を就職内定率という言葉を使わず英語で説明するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

About 86.8 percent of college students who will graduate in the spring of 2006 have already received informal job offers as of October 1 in 2005. The percentage increased by 4.5% from last year. This was found by a survey of Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare. This increase  was caused partly by the good economic condition and partly by the year 2007 problem  which is expected to generate many retiring employees of baby boomers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(Lucca, 29 March 12

 

A survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare showed that as of October 1 in 2005, 86.8 percent of university students had found jobs before their graduation in 2006, up 4.5 percent from the previous year. There are two reasons to rise the percentage this year. One is that Japanese economy is beginning to recover. The other is the Year 2007 Problem where masses of baby boomers will start retiring in 2007.

 

添削

 

A survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare showed that as of October 1, in 2005, 86.8 percent of university students had found jobs before their graduation in April 2006, up an increase of 4.5 percent from the previous year. There are two reasons for the higher to rise the percentage this year. One is that the Japanese economy is beginning to recover. The other is the Year 2007 Problem where a masses of baby boomers will start retiring in 2007 and companies must recruit new graduates to replace them1.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       このような補足説明があるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare showed that as of October 1, 2005, 86.8 percent of university students had found jobs before their graduation in April 2006, an increase of 4.5 percent from the previous year. There are two reasons for the higher  percentage this year. One is that the Japanese economy is beginning to recover. The other is the Year 2007 Problem where a mass of baby boomers will start retiring in 2007 and companies must recruit new graduates to replace them.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 4 April 10

 

A survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare revealed that as of October 1, 2005, 86.8 percent of university students graduating in the spring of 2006 had already found work, showing 4.5% improvement over last year. On top of recent business upturn, a chief contributor to the improvement is an impending mass retirement of baby boomers known as the Year 2007 Problem.

 

添削

 

A survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare revealed that as of October 1, 2005, 86.8 percent of university students graduating in the spring of 2006 had already found work, showing 4.5% improvement over last year. On top of the recent business upturn, a the chief contributor to the improvement is a demand for new recruits to replace1 an impending mass retirement of baby boomers known as the Year 2007 Problem.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       このような補足説明を入れたほうが読者に親切でしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare revealed that as of October 1, 2005, 86.8 percent of university students graduating in the spring of 2006 had already found work, showing 4.5% improvement over last year. On top of the recent business upturn, the chief contributor to the improvement is a demand for new recruits to replace an impending mass retirement of baby boomers known as the Year 2007 Problem.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Kappa2009, 4 July 09

 

The research of Ministry of Labour and Welfares revealed that the tentative decision rate of the employment for the university students who request the employment and were expected to graduate in spring 2006 was 86.8% as of Oct 1, 2005 which was 4.5% higher than the previous year.

 

It looks caused by the fact that economic trend is upward and by the 2007 problem which many lump generation people would retire.

 

添削

 

A survey by The research of the Ministry of Labour and Welfares revealed that the percentage of tentative decision rate of the employment for the university students who had received tentative job offers request the employment and were expected to graduate in spring 2006 was 86.8% as of October 1, 2005, which was 4.5% higher than the previous year. Those students are expected to graduate next spring and are looking for a job1.

 

The higher percentage is apparently2 It looks caused by the fact that economic trend is moving upward creating more job opportunities3 and also by the 2007 pProblem that4 which many baby boom lump generation people would will start retireing in 2007.

 

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、the tentative decision rate of the employment for the university studentsがわからないので文章全体の内容がはっきりしません。このような日本語に特有な表現は、その内容を英文で説明するように表現するとよいでしょう。

 

1.       「2006年春に卒業予定で就職を希望する大学生の就職内定率」という長い名詞節を文章の主語にするといつまでたっても86.8パーセントという重要な情報が文にでてきません。添削では「2006年春に卒業予定で就職を希望する大学生」を別の文にしました。

 

revealed that 86.8 percent of university students who would graduate in the spring of 2006 had already received tentative job offers by October 1, 2005. This percentage was 4.5 percent higher than the previous year. というように主語を選ぶと86.8パーセントという情報を文の最初に置くことができます。

 

2.       Itがなにを指すか不明瞭です。

 

3.       このような説明をいれるとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

4.       This is caused by the fact that ~ and also by the 2007 Problem that ~.という二つの並列のthat節の構文です。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey by the Ministry of Labour and Welfares revealed that the percentage of university students who had received tentative job offers was 86.8% as of October 1, 2005, which was 4.5% higher than the previous year. Those students are expected to graduate next spring and are looking for a job.

 

The higher percentage is apparently caused by the fact that economic trend is moving upward creating more job opportunities and also by the 2007 Problem that many baby boom  generation people will start retiring in 2007

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、12 December 07

 

Health, Labour and Welfare Ministry showed the result of an survey on the ratio of students receiving tentative job offers. The subjects of the survey is college students who graduate from their college the spring in 2006 and hope to find a position. The ratio of college students receiving tentative job was 86.8 percents as of 1 October 2005 and is 4.5 percents higher than last year.

 

添削

 

Health, Labour and Welfare Ministry showed the results of an survey on the ratio percentage1 of students receiving tentative job offers. The Ministry subjects of the surveyed2 is college students who would graduate from their college in the spring in of 2006 and hope want to find get a position job. The ratio percentage of college students having receiveding tentative job offers was 86.8 percents as of 1 October first ,2005 and is was 4.5 percents higher than last year.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかりますが、日本文の最後の内容がありませんね。

 

1.       A percentage34%、といったもの、a ratioは三分の一、The ratio of men and women is 2 to 1. というようなものです。

 

2.       動詞形にするとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Health, Labour and Welfare Ministry showed the results of an survey on the percentage of students receiving tentative job offers. The Ministry surveyed college students who would graduate from college in the spring of 2006 and want to get a job. The percentage of college students having received tentative job offers was 86.8 percents as of October first, 2005 and was 4.5 percents higher than last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、3 October 07

 

According to the survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare, college students who will graduate in the spring in 2006 and want to get occupation had a 86.8% employment rate as of October 1st 2005 and increased 4.5% more than last year. This is because the Japanese economy is now recovering, besides a great number of people in the baby-boom generation will retire at the age limit in 2007.

 

添削

 

According to the a survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare, 86.8 percent of university1 college students who will graduate in the spring of in 2006 and want to get a job  have already received an informal offer of employment occupation had a 86.8% employment rate as of October 1st, 2005. This is and increased 4.5% more than last year. The higher percentage This is partly because the Japanese economy is now recovering and partly because, besides a great number of people in the baby-boom generation will start retireing at the age limit in 2007 and companies want to recruit fresh university graduates to replace them2.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、わからないところがあります。college students who will graduate in the spring in 2006 and want to get occupation had a 86.8% employment rateget occupationget a jobだろうと推測できますが、86.8% employment rateがわかりません。「就職内定率」の説明がむずかしいですね。添削のように文の構造を変えるとやさしくなります。

 

1.       日本の大学の場合はa universityが適当でしょう。

 

2.       このような説明を加えると内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to a survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare, 86.8 percent of university  students who will graduate in the spring of 2006 and want to get a job have already received an informal offer of employment as of October 1st, 2005. This is 4.5% more than last year. The higher percentage is partly because the Japanese economy is now recovering and partly because a great number of people in the baby-boom generation will start retiring in 2007 and companies want to recruit fresh university graduates to replace them.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、24 February 06

 

The percentage of university students due to graduate in spring, 2006 who had hoped to work and received informal job offers reached 86.8%, up 4.5% from the previous year, as of October 1, 2005. This is the result of a survey done by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare. In addition to the upward trend in business, the Year 2007 issue, the massive retirement of baby boomers in that year, seems to be the major factor of the increase.

 

添削

 

The percentage of university students due to graduate in spring, 2006 who had hoped to work and received informal job offers reached 86.8%, up 4.5% from the previous year, as of October 1, 2005.1 This is the result of a survey done by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare. In addition to the upward trend in business, the Year 2007 issue, the massive retirement of baby boomers in that year, seems to be the a major factor for companies to start recruiting a large number of new employees of the increase2.

 

コメント

 

1.       「2006年春に卒業予定で就職を希望する大学生」の英語表現が正確ですね。卒業しても就職を希望しない大学生もいるのですから。主語が長いので、他に言い方がないか考えてみました。こんなのはどうでしょうか。As of October 1, 2005, 86.8 percent of university students graduating next spring and looking for a job have already received an informal job offer.

 

2.       2007年問題の説明を入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The percentage of university students due to graduate in spring, 2006 who had hoped to work and received informal job offers reached 86.8%, up 4.5% from the previous year, as of October 1, 2005. This is the result of a survey done by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare. In addition to the upward trend in business, the Year 2007 issue, the massive retirement of baby boomers in that year, seems to be a major factor for companies to start recruiting a large number of new employees.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(さくら、15 February 06

 

According to a survey by the Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry, 86.8 percent of the college students who are going to graduate from colleges in the spring of 2006 and want to find job has obtained tentative approval of employment from companies as of October 1. This percentage is 4.5 percent higher than last year’s one. Adding to the upturning economic conditions, the reason of this high percentage seems to be a so-called “2007 problem” that means a massive retirement of baby boomers in 2007.

 

添削

 

According to a survey by the Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry1, 86.8 percent of the college students who are going to graduate from colleges in the spring of 2006 and want to find a job has have already obtained a tentative approval offer of employment from companies as of October 1, 2005. This percentage is 4.5 percent higher than last year’s one2. Adding to the upturning economic conditions, the a major3 reason of this high percentage seems to be related to a the so-called “2007 problem. Companies are hiring a large number of new recruits to replace that means a massive number of retirement of baby boomers that will begin in 20074.

 

コメント

 

1.       「厚生労働省の調査でわかった」という形の文は添削問題に良く出てきますが、According to a survey by the Health, Labor and Welfare Ministryという常套表現がわかりやすいですね。

 

2.       「2005年10月1日現在で86.8パーセントと前年を4.5パーセント上回った。」の下線の部分も良く出てくる表現です。ここを独立した文で表現する、というコツも便利ですね。実務文は文章の創作性より読みやすさ・わかりやすさを大事にしますから、常套表現、常套文型はどんどん使ってください。

 

3.       「景気が上向いていることに加え、団塊の世代が大量に定年退職する2007年問題が要因のようだ。」では、「景気が上向いていること」が一つの要因で、「2007年問題」がもう一つの要因となっています。Adding to the upturning economic conditionsが一つの要因ですから、the reason of this ~と続けると、定冠詞のtheはここでは「真の要因は、一番重要な要因は」の意味があるので、既にのべたAdding to the upturning economic conditionsの要因との関係がわからなくなります。幾つかの要因があると仮定して、添削のようにa major reason ~とするか、またはAdding to the upturning economic conditionsのところを次のようにするとわかりやすくなります。The upturning economic conditions are helping the labour market, but the reason of this high percentage ~.

 

4.       添削のように2007年問題と就職内定率向上の関係を補足説明するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to a survey by the Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry, 86.8 percent of the college students who are going to graduate in the spring of 2006 and want to find a job have already obtained a tentative offer of employment from companies as of October 1, 2005. This percentage is 4.5 percent higher than last year. Adding to the upturning economic conditions, a major reason of this high percentage seems to be related to the so-called “2007 problem.” Companies are hiring a large number of new recruits to replace a massive number of retirement of baby boomers that will begin in 2007.

 

 

初級練習問題 243

 

幼児や小さな子供の夜更かしや寝不足は心身両面の成長過程に悪影響があります。親も子供が遅くまで起きていると、夫婦でほっとする時間が無くなります。子供をきちんと寝かせる方法はお風呂(Bath)、歯磨き(Brush teeth)、本を読んであげる(Book)、就寝(Bed)の4Bと呼ばれる習慣を守ることです。

 

読者からの投稿 8(BURU, 19 November 16

 

Shortage or lack of sleep have been affected Infants and children their growth process both mental and physical. Parents also lose their relaxation time if children stay up late. The way which children can sleep early is to keep a daily practice, called 4B. 4B means that children should do all practices same time and same routine every day. They are as follows: taking a bath (Bath), brushing teeth (Brush teeth), reading a book (Book), and going to bed (Bed).

 

添削

 

A Sshortage or lack of sleep have been affecteds Iinfants and children in their growth process both mentally and physically. Parents also lose their relaxation time if children stay up late. The way which makes children can sleep early is to let them keep a daily practice, called 4B. 4B means that children should do all practices same time and same routine every day. They are as follows1: taking a bath (Bath), brushing teeth (Brush teeth), reading a book (Book), and going to bed early (Bed).

 

コメント

 

内容の総てが推測できます。

 

1.       内容が次の四点と重複するでの削除します。

 

添削後の文章

 

A shortage or lack of sleep affects infants and children in their growth process both mentally and physically. Parents also lose their relaxation time if children stay up late. The way which makes children sleep early is to let them keep a daily practice called 4B. taking a bath (Bath), brushing teeth (Brush teeth), reading a book (Book), and going to bed early (Bed).

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(Lucca, 4 May 12

 

For babies and small children, sleeping late at night or getting insufficient sleep will have a bad influence on their physical and mental development. Also, the later children go to bed, the less the relaxing time their parents have. To establish a regular sleep habit for children, parents and children need to observe four lifestyle habits such as taking bath, brushing teeth, reading a book to children and going to bed. These four lifestyle habits are called 4B, which is a coined phrase consisting of the initial letters of Bath, Brush teeth, Book and Bed.

 

添削

 

For babies and small children, sleeping sitting up late at night or getting insufficient sleep will have a bad influence on their physical and mental development. Also, the later children go to bed, the less the relaxing time their parents have. To establish a regular sleeping habit for children, parents and children need to observe four lifestyle habits such as taking a bath, brushing teeth, reading a book to children and going to bed early2. These four lifestyle habits are called 4Bs1, which is a coined phrase consisting of the initial letters of Bath, Brush teeth, Book and Bed.

 

コメント

 

sleeping late at night 夜遅くまで寝ている?がこの文脈ではわかりませんが、他は内容がすべてわかります。sleeping late in the morning 朝遅くまで寝ている、はよく使う言い回しです。

 

1.       英語では複数形にします。

 

2.       夜更かしをしない、ということです。

 

添削後の文章

 

For babies and small children, sitting up late at night or getting insufficient sleep will have a bad influence on their physical and mental development. Also, the later children go to bed, the less relaxing time their parents have. To establish a regular sleeping habit for children, parents and children need to observe four lifestyle habits such as taking a bath, brushing teeth, reading a book to children and going to bed early. These four lifestyle habits are called 4Bs, which is a coined phrase consisting of the initial letters of Bath, Brush , Book and Bed.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(Kappa 2010, 28 May 10

 

There will be bad effects on their growing process in both mentality and body if babies and kids are not sleep until late night and have not enough sleep. As well, the parents also don’t have a time to relax if the kids do not sleep until late night. The good way to have the kids sleep well is to accustom themselves to do the practice called 4B, Bath, Brush teeth, Book and Bed.  

 

添削

 

There will be bad effects on their the growing process of a brain in both mentality and body if babies and small children1 kids are do not go to bed sleep until late in the eveining night and have not enough sleep. As well, their parents also don’t have a time to relax by themselves if the kids do not sleep until late night. The good way to have babies and small children2 go to bed early in the evening the kids sleep well is to accustom themselves to do the practice called 4B, : letting them take a Bath, letting them Brush their teeth, reading them a Book and letting them go to Bed early3.  

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。4Bは添削のように補足説明するとよいでしょう。

 

1.       kidsは年齢の範囲が大きいのでsmall childrenがよいでしょう。

 

2.       文章に既出の名称を繰り返すと何を指しているのかはっきりします。

 

3.       親がしなくてはいけないことがらが入っているので、添削のような表現がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

There will be bad effects on the growing process of a brain and body if babies and small children do not go to bed until late in the evening and have not enough sleep. As well, their parents also don’t have a time to relax by themselves. The good way to have babies and small children go to bed early in the evening is to do the practice called 4B: letting them take a Bath, letting them Brush their teeth, reading them a Book and letting them go to Bed early.  

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(mxtomi, 5 May 10

 

Sitting up late and resultant lack of sleep adversely affect infant and young children on their physical and mental growth. Even worse, children sitting up late often bother their parents by robbing the parents of their time of relaxation together. Let me show parents the ropes to let children have a solid sleep. They are to 1) have them take a Bath, 2) get them to Brush their teeth, 3) read them a Book and 4) send them to Bed early at night. These are collectively called 4B principles.

 

添削

 

Sitting up late and resultant lacking of a good sleep adversely affects1 infants and young children on their physical and mental growth. Even worse, children sitting up late often bother their parents by robbings their parents of their time of relaxationing together. Let me show parents the principles2 ropes to let their children have a solid sleep. They are to 1) have them take a Bath, 2) get them to Brush their teeth, 3) read them a Book and 4) send them to Bed early at night in the evening. These are collectively called 4B principles.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       sitting up late and lacking good sleepを一つの事象と捕らえて動詞を単数形にします。

 

2.       the ropesと言うと子供をロープで縛るイメージが湧いてきたので、4B principlesにあわせてprinciplesにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Sitting up late and lacking a good sleep adversely affects infants and young children on their physical and mental growth. Even worse, children sitting up late often robs their parents of their time of relaxing together. Let me show parents the principles to let their children have a solid sleep. They are to 1) have them take a Bath, 2) get them to Brush their teeth, 3) read them a Book and 4) send them to Bed early in the evening. These are collectively called 4B principles.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、13 December 07

 

It has a harmful effect upon both the mind and the growth of babies and children that they keep late hour or don't get enough sleep. For babies and children keeping late hour has their parents not to get time enough to take a rest. The method of laying children down is to keep a way which is called "4B". The way is composed of four key words (Bath, Brush teeth, Book, and Bed).

 

添削

 

When babies and small children stay up late or do not get enough sleep1, It has a harmful effects will be inflicted upon both the growth of their mind and body the growth of babies and children that they keep late hour or don't get enough sleep. Besides, For babies and children keeping late hour has their parents can not to get enough time to spend together alone enough to take a rest. The popular method of laying children down is to keep a way which is called "4B":. The way is composed of four key words (taking a Bath, Brushing teeth, reading a Book, and go to Bed early2).

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、For babies and children keeping late hour has their parents not to get time enough to take a rest.は意味は推察できますがわかり難いです。

 

1.       It ~ that ~.Itで始まる節が長くなると、 このItが何を指すのかなかなかわかりません。

 

2.       添削のような説明を加えるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

When babies and small children stay up late or do not get enough sleep, harmful effects will be inflicted upon both the growth of their mind and body. Besides, their parents can not get enough time to spend together alone. The popular method of laying children down is called "4B": taking a Bath, Brushing teeth, reading a Book, and go to Bed early.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、5 October 07

 

As infants and little children sit up late, they do not get enough sleep. This gives a bad influence to their growth in mind and body. When parents and their children stay up late at night, parents cannot have a relaxing time. The methods of getting kids to go to bed regularly is to preserve the following four customs.

 

1.     Getting kids to take bath.

2.     Getting kids to brush teeth before their going to bed.

3.     Reading a book for kids in bed.

4.     Putting kids to bed.

 

Bath, brush teeth, book and bed are called 4B.

 

添削

 

As infants and little children sit stay up late at night, they do not get enough sleep. This gives a bad influence to their growth in mind and body. When parents and their children stay up late at night, parents cannot have time to relax by themselves a relaxing time. The methods of getting putting kids to go into bed regularly is to follow the four principles below: preserve the following four customs.

 

1.     Getting kids to take bath.

2.     Getting kids to brush teeth before their they go going to bed.

3.     Reading a book for kids in bed.

4.     Putting kids into bed early.

 

Bath, brush teeth, book and bed are called the 4B Principles.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。4Bを列挙したのでわかりやすいですね。

 

1.     添削のような説明を付け加えるとよいでしょう。

 

2.     the 4B Principlesとするとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

As infants and little children stay up late at night, they do not get enough sleep. This gives a bad influence to their growth in mind and body. When children stay up late at night, parents cannot have time to relax by themselves. The method of putting kids into bed regularly is to follow the four principles below:

 

1.     Getting kids to take bath.

2.     Getting kids to brush teeth before they go  to bed.

3.     Reading a book for kids in bed.

4.     Putting kids into bed early.

 

Bath, brush teeth, book and bed are called the 4B Principles.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、25 February 06

 

Staying up till late at night and lack of sleep can have bad influence on infants and little kids when they grow both mentally and physically. Parents have no time to relax by themselves if their children stay up till late at night. If you want to make children get to sleep successfully, you should make it a rule to practice the 4B's : giving children a bath (Bath), getting children to brush their teeth (Brush teeth), reading children a story (Book) and getting children to go to sleep (Bed).

 

添削

 

Staying up till late at night and lacking of good sleep1 can have bad influence effects on the mental and physical growth of2 infants and little kids small children3 when they grow both mentally and physically. Besides, Pparents have no time to relax by themselves if their children stay up till late at night. If you want to make children get to a good night’s sleep successfully, you should make it a rule to practice the 4B's : giving children a bath (Bath), getting children to brush their teeth (Brush teeth), reading children a story (Book) and getting children to goin to sleep bed early (Bed)4.

 

コメント

 

1.       staying upと対になるようにlacking good sleepとすると読みやすいでしょう。

 

2.       こうしたほうが因果関係がはっきりします。

 

3.       babies and little kids, infants and small childrenという一対になります。

 

4.       the 4Bsの説明があってよいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Staying up late at night and lacking good sleep can have bad effects on the mental and physical growth of infants and small children. Besides, parents have no time to relax by themselves if their children stay up late at night. If you want to make children get a good night’s sleep, you should make it a rule to practice the 4B's: giving children a bath (Bath), getting children to brush their teeth (Brush teeth), reading children a story (Book) and getting children into bed early (Bed).

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(さくら、16 February 06

 

Staying up late and lack of sleep have an adverse effect on infants’ and small children’s both mental and physical growth. If the children stay up late, the parents can not have a time for relaxing. The good way to put children to beds is to keep a caution called 4B: Bath, Brush teeth, Book and Bed.

 

添削

 

Staying up late and lacking1 of sleep have an adverse effects on the mental and physical growth of2 infants and small children’s both mental and physical growth. If the children stay up late, the parents can not have a time for to relaxing by themselves. The A good way to put give children a good night’s sleep to beds is to keep a caution follow something called 4B: let them take a Bath, Brush their teeth, read them a Book and put them to Bed early3.

 

コメント

 

1.       staying upと同形にするためにlacking sleepがよいでしょう。このような文の並列構造を使うと文が読みやすくなり、また見た目がよくなります。

 

2.       長い名詞句はこのように名詞句の中にofなどを使って構造を入れるとと読みやすくなります。

 

3.       B習慣がなぜこう呼ばれるのかをBを大文字にしてわかりやすくしたのが良いですね。添削のように4Bの内容を補足説明したほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Staying up late and lacking sleep have adverse effects on the mental and physical growth of2 infants and small children . If children stay up late, parents can not have time to relax by themselves. A good way to give children a good night’ s sleep is to follow something called 4B: let them take a Bath, Brush their teeth, read them a Book and put them to Bed early.

 

 

初級練習問題 244

 

クリスマスは本来は異教徒の冬至祭りであったが、四世紀初頭にキリストの誕生を祝う祭りとしてキリスト教に導入された。とうじ、冬至祭りは盛んであったが、教会は人もまばらであったことに危機感を抱いたキリスト教の指導者が、いっそうのことこの異教のお祭りを教会の祝祭として取り込んでしまおうと決めた、という説がある。

 

読者からの投稿 7(BURU, 23 November 16

 

Actually, Christmas was the midwinter festival for heathen before. But in the early 4th century, Christmas was accepted by Christians for the festival of Jesus’s birthday. There was one story why Christmas was started. It was not many people to come to churches before starting Christmas. One of the leaders of Christian had had a sense of crisis for this condition. The midwinter festivals were popular among heathen, so he decided to adopt this occasion among Christians as well.

 

添削

 

Actually, Christmas was originally a the midwinter festival of midwinter for the heathen before. But in the early 4th century, Christmas was accepted by Christians for the festival of Jesus’s Jesus’ birthday. There was one story why Christmas was started. It was not many Few people to came come to churches1 in winter before starting Christmas started. One of the Christian leaders of Christian had had a sense of crisis for this condition. The midwinter festivals was were popular among the heathen, so he decided to adopt this festival occasion among for Christians as well.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       go to churchで教会に(礼拝に)行く、という常套句になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Christmas was originally a festival of midwinter for the heathen. But in the early 4th century, Christmas was accepted by Christians for the festival of Jesus’ birthday. There was one story why Christmas was started. Few people came to church in winter before Christmas started. One of Christian leaders had a sense of crisis for this condition. The midwinter festival was  popular among the heathen, so he decided to adopt this festival for Christians as well.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(Lucca, 4 May 12

 

Christmas was introduced as the Christian feast to celebrate the birthday of Jesus Christ in the early fourth century. Although originally pagans celebrated Christmas as the feast of the winter solstice, it has been told that a Christian leader then was worrying about a few people in churches in winter, deciding to put it into their feasts for attracting more people because Christmas was very popular among people.

 

添削

 

Christmas was introduced as the a Christian feast festival1 to celebrate the birthday of Jesus Christ in the early fourth century. Although originally pagans celebrated Christmas as the feast of the winter solstice, it has been told said that a Christian leaders at that time then was worryingied that about a few people came to in churches in winter., They decidinged to put the pagan festival it into their festivals feasts for attracting more people to church because the pagan festival Christmas was very popular among people.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       a feast a festivalでは内容がことなります。ここではa festivalがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Christmas was introduced as a Christian festival to celebrate the birthday of Jesus Christ in the early fourth century. Although originally pagans celebrated Christmas as the feast of the winter solstice, it has been said that Christian leaders at that time worried that few people came to church in winter. They decided to put the pagan festival into their festivals for attracting more people to church because the pagan festival was very popular among people.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Kappa 2010, 28 May 10

 

Christmas was introduced to the Christianity as a festival to celebrate the birth of Christ in the beginning of 4 th century while it was originally a festival of the winter solstice for the pagan. There is a belief that the festival of winter solstice were originally popular but a Christian leader having the crisis in the scarcity of their church and devotee decided the festival of the pagans to be involved as one of Christian church festivals.

 

 

添削

 

Christmas was introduced to the Christianity as a festival to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ in the beginning of forth1 4 th century. while2 Iit was originally a festival of the winter solstice for of the pagans. There is a belief story that the festival of the winter solstice were was originally popular but very few people went to a Christian church.3 Christian leaders, feeling having a the crisis in the scarcity of their church attendees, and devotee decided to adopt the festival of the pagans to be involved as one of Christian church festivals.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、decided the festival of the pagans to be involved as one of Christian church festivalsの下線の部分がわかりません。

 

1.       短い数字なのでアルファベット表記のほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       文が長くなるので、新しい文にしたほうがよいでしょう。

 

3.       ここから新しい文にしたほうが読みやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Christmas was introduced to Christianity as a festival to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ in the beginning of forth century. It was originally a festival of the winter solstice of pagans. There is a story that the festival of the winter solstice was popular but very few people went to a Christian church. Christian leaders, feeling a crisis in the scarcity of their church attendees,  decided to adopt the festival of the pagans as one of Christian church festivals.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 5 May 10

 

Christmas that had originally been a ritual of pagans to celebrate the winter solstice was first introduced to Christianity in the early fourth century as the occasion to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. At that time, the midwinter fest was flourishing, while churches were eerily empty. Urged by a sense of crisis about such situation, some Christian leaders decided to incorporate the fest of pagans into a church’s festivity, if he did do something. This is a likely explanation on the origin of Christmas.

 

添削

 

Christmas that had originally been a ritual of pagans to celebrate the winter solstice1. It was first introduced to Christianity in the early fourth century as the occasion to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. At that time, the midwinter festival was flourishing, while Christian2 churches were eerily empty. Urged by a sense of crisis about such a situation, some Christian leaders decided to incorporate the this pagan festival of pagans into Christian a church’s festivityies, if he did do something. This is now considered a likely explanation on the origin of Christmas.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、if he did do somethingがわかりません。

 

1.       独立の文にしたほうが読みやすいでしょう。

 

2.       churchは本来はキリスト教の礼拝堂の意味ですが、別の宗教の礼拝堂の意味にも使われることがあります。カナダでは仏教徒の集会場(キリスト教の教会を改造して使っているところもあります)をa Buddhist churchと呼んでいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Christmas had originally been a ritual of pagans to celebrate the winter solstice. It was first introduced to Christianity in the early fourth century as the occasion to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. At that time, the midwinter festival was flourishing, while Christian churches were eerily empty. Urged by a sense of crisis about such a situation, some Christian leaders decided to incorporate this pagan festival into Christian festivities. This is now considered a likely origin of Christmas.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、6 October 07

 

Christmas was originally a solstitial festival celebrated originally by the heretic as a festival for the winter solstice. But, Christmas was introduced into Christianity as a festival that celebrated the birth of Jesus Christ in the early 4th century. The solstitial festival for the winter solstice was popular at that time while, but few people went to churches around this time of the year. There is a the theory that the leaders of in Christianity who had a sense of crisis about the situation decided to introduce the heretic festival as a church festival1.

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますがsolstitialという単語が私の持っている辞書には載っていません。

 

1.       この文はわかりやすいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Christmas was originally celebrated originally by the heretic as a festival for the winter solstice.  Christmas was introduced into Christianity as a festival that celebrated the birth of Jesus Christ in the early 4th century. The festival for the winter solstice was popular at that time while few people went to church around this time of the year. There is a theory that the leaders of Christianity who had a sense of crisis about the situation decided to introduce the heretic festival as a church festival.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、28 February 06

 

Christmas was originally a festival of winter solstice not related to Christianity, but it was introduced to Christianity in the early of the 4th century as the festival of Jesus Christ’s birthday. At that time, not many people came to church while they celebrated the winter solstice greatly. It is said that a Christian cleric who had been feeling a crisis of church’s existence decided to take this winter festival into Christianity as a holy day.

 

添削

 

Christmas was originally a festival of winter solstice and was1 not related to Christianity, but But it was introduced to Christianity in the early of the 4th century as the festival of Jesus Christ’s birthday. At that time, not many people came to church while they were widely celebrateding2 the winter solstice greatly. It is said that3 a Christian cleric leaders who had been feeling a sense of crisis of for church’s existence decided to take this winter festival into Christianity as a holy day.and made it its own religious festival4.

 

コメント

 

1.       投稿のままですと、not related to Christianityという形容詞句が文の後ろの方にあるので、添削のようにAでありそれはBであった。という形にするか、またはChristmas was originally a non-Christian festival of winter solstice.とするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       冬至祭の時だけキリスト教の教会に行かなかったわけでないとおもいますが、添削のように進行形にすると意味が強調されます。

 

3.       一般的にIt is said that ~という婉曲表現は避けるように、とこの添削講座では言っていますが、この場合は「〜という説がある」ということは婉曲表現ではなく意味のあるものなので、It is said ~は適切な使い方です。

 

4.       「教会に取り込んで、教会自身の宗教行事にした」という説明を入れると良いと思います。

 

添削後の文章

 

Christmas was originally a festival of winter solstice and was not related to Christianity But it was introduced to Christianity in the early 4th century as the festival of Jesus Christ’s birthday. At that time, not many people came to church while they were widely celebrating the winter solstice. It is said that Christian leaders who had been feeling a sense of crisis for church’s existence decided to take this winter festival into Christianity and made it its own religious festival.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、25 February 06

 

Christmas was originally a heretical festival for the winter solstice but was then introduced into Christianity as a festival to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ in the beginning of the fourth century. In those days, the winter solstice festival was popular, but there were only a limited number of people who gathered at churches. Feeling a sense of crisis about the situation of churches, leaders of Christianity decided to venture to take the heretical festival into their religion as their own church festival. This is one theory about how Christmas got started.

 

添削

 

Christmas was originally a heretical pagan 1festival for the winter solstice but was then introduced into Christianity as a festival to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ in the beginning of the fourth century. In those days, the winter solstice festival was popular, but there were only a limited number of people who gathered at Christian churches. Feeling a sense of crisis about the situation of churches2, the leaders of Christianity decided to venture to take the heretical festival into their religion as and make it3 their own church festival. This is one theory about how Christmas got started4.

 

コメント

 

1.       hereticalには(キリスト教内の異端の)という意味があるので、非キリスト教とを指すpaganが良いでしょう。

 

2.       前の文で説明があるので省略したほうがよいでしょう。

 

3.       祭りの性格が変わったのでmake it their own festivalと説明するとよいでしょう。

4.       内容を述べてから、「ところで、これがクリスマスの起源である。」としてありますね。二つを分けたので、文章全体がわかりやすくなりました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Christmas was originally a pagan festival for the winter solstice but was introduced into Christianity as a festival to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ in the beginning of the fourth century. In those days, the winter solstice festival was popular, but there were only a limited number of people who gathered at Christian churches. Feeling a sense of crisis, the leaders of Christianity decided to venture to take the heretical festival into their religion and make it their own festival. This is one theory about how Christmas got started.

 

 

初級練習問題 245

 

都内で新たな詐欺の手口が見つかった。NSJ日本消費者情報機構管理センターという名前で封書を送り、「あなたは当機構の加盟業者との取引で未払いがあり、ブラックリストへの登録申請が出されている。もし回避したいならば、今月22日までに6万3千円を現金書留で、運転免許書または健康保険証のコピーとともに下記の住所に郵送してください。」というものだ。

 

読者からの投稿 7(BURU, 23 November 16

 

The new method of fraud was found in Tokyo. It was said that a fraud sent a letter named by Japan Consumers Information Management Center (NSJ). The letter was written “You have an outstanding payment for one of our affiliated companies. You are claimed a registration on a black list. If you want to settle this issue, you should pay us for 63000 yen by a registered mail with the copy of your driving license or health insurance card by the 22th of this month. Please send them the address below.”

 

添削

 

A The new method of fraud was found in Tokyo. It was said that a A fraudster sent a letter using a named, by the Japan Consumers Information Management Center (NSJ). The letter said, was written “You have an outstanding payment for one of our affiliated companies. The company is asking us to register you You are claimed a registration on a black list. If you want to settle this issue, you should pay us for 63,000 yen by a registered mail with a the copy of your driving license or health insurance card by the 22tndh of this month. Please send them  to the address below.”

 

コメント

 

You are claimed a registration on a black list.のところ文として不完全ですが、意味は推測できます。他のところは全部わかります。複雑な内容を良く整理して英語で表現してあります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new method of fraud was found in Tokyo. A fraudster sent a letter using a name, the Japan Consumers Information Management Center (NSJ). The letter said, “You have an outstanding payment for one of our affiliated companies. The company is asking us to register you on a black list. If you want to settle this issue, you should pay us r 63,000 yen by a registered mail with a copy of your driving license or health insurance card by the 22nd of this month. Please send them to the address below.”

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(Lucca, 8 May 12

 

A new fraudulent trick was confirmed in Tokyo. The new trick goes like this: A fraudster sends people a letter in the name of NSJ Japan Consumer Information Center that you are going to be blacklisted by a company affiliated with the center in near future since you have been leaving some outstanding bills. If you want to avoid such a consequense, you should send 63.000 yen in cash by registered mail with a copy of your driving lisence or your health insurance card by the 22th of this month to the following address. 

 

添削

 

A new fraudulent trick was confirmed found in Tokyo. The new trick goes like this;:1 A fraudster sends people a letter in the name of NSJ Japan Consumer Information Center that you are going to be blacklisted by a company affiliated with the cCenter in near future since you have been leaving some outstanding bills. If you want to avoid such a consequense consequence, you should send 63.000 yen in cash by registered mail with a copy of your driving lisence license or your health insurance card by the 22thnd of this month to the following address. 

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       : コロン と ; セミコロンの関係は . ピリオド と ,  コンマの関係と似ていて、関係が浅いときはコロン、関係の深いときはセミコロンとなります。ここでは前の文の内容の補充で関係が深いのでセミコロンになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new fraudulent trick was found in Tokyo. The new trick goes like this; A fraudster sends people a letter in the name of NSJ Japan Consumer Information Center that you are going to be blacklisted by a company affiliated with the Center in near future since you have  some outstanding bills. If you want to avoid such a consequence, you should send 63.000 yen in cash by registered mail with a copy of your driving license or your health insurance card by the 22nd of this month to the following address. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Kappa 2010, 2 June 10

 

A new trick of fraud was found in Tokyo. They sent a letter to customers in the name of NSJ (Nippon Consumer Information System Control Center). The letter statesYou have an unpaid transaction with a member of our Association. You are supposed to be registered in the black list. If you want to avoid this action, please send a registered mail amounting 63,000 yen to the following address together with a copy of your driver’s license or the health insurance certificates. 

 

添削

 

A new trick of fraud was has been1 found in Tokyo. They The fraudster sent sends a letter to customers people in the name of NSJ (Nippon Consumer Information System Control Center). The letter states, “You have an unpaid invoice transaction with a member of our Association. You will are supposed to be registered in on the black list. If you want to avoid this action, please send 63,000 yen by a registered mail amounting 63,000 yen to the following address together with a copy of your driver’s license or the2 health insurance certificates. 

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       この記事の時点でまだ横行している詐欺なので、後の文章の現在形とあわせて、ここでは現在完了形がよいでしょう。

 

2.       a copy of your driver’s license or (your) health insurance certificateで、二番目のyourは省略できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new trick of fraud has been found in Tokyo. The fraudster sends a letter to people in the name of NSJ (Nippon Consumer Information System Control Center). The letter states, “You have an unpaid invoice with a member of our Association. You will be registered on the black list. If you want to avoid this action, please send 63,000 yen by a registered mail to the following address together with a copy of your driver’s license or health insurance certificate. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 5 May 10

 

A new fraudulent trick has been found in Tokyo. It goes like this: A letter under the name of NSJ (Japan Consumer Information Center) is sent to you saying that you had overdue in your deals with a member of the organization and a request to list you on the blacklist of debtors is in process. If you desire to avert such a dishonor, you are requested to send 63,000 yen together with a copy of your driver’s license or health insurance card by registered mail to the following address not later than the 22nd of this month.

 

添削

 

A new fraudulent trick has been found in Tokyo. It goes like this: A letter under the name of NSJ (Japan Consumer Information Center) is sent to you saying that you are behind schedule in your payment to one of our member organizations. Now this organization had overdue in your deals with a member of the organization and a has requested to list you on the blacklist of debtors is in process. If you desire to avert such a dishonor, you are requested to send 63,000 yen together with a copy of your driver’s license or health insurance card by registered mail to the following address not later than the 22nd of this month.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、添削部分がわかり難いです。添削のように二つの文にして表現するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new fraudulent trick has been found in Tokyo. It goes like this: A letter under the name of NSJ (Japan Consumer Information Center) is sent to you saying that you are behind schedule in your payment to one of our member organizations. Now this organization has requested to list you on the blacklist of debtors. If you desire to avert such a dishonor, you are requested to send 63,000 yen together with a copy of your driver’s license or health insurance card by registered mail to the following address not later than the 22nd of this month.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、6 October 07

 

The damage from the new fraud occurred in Tokyo. The fraud is as follows. People get a letter saying NSJ Japan Consumer Information Center. The letter says that after you dealt with the member companies of the center, you did not pay the necessary money to the company. You will be put on our blacklist. If you want to avoid it, please send 63,000 yen with your car license and health insurance card to the following address by registered mail by 22th of this month.

 

添削

 

The damage from the a new kind of fraud is spreading occurred in Tokyo. The fraud is works as follows. People get a letter saying from the NSJ Japan Consumer Information Center saying. The letter says that after you had dealt with the member companies of the center, you did not pay the necessary money to the companyies. You will be now put on our blacklist. If you want to avoid it, please send 63,000 yen with a copy of your car license and health insurance card to the following address by registered mail by the 22thnd of this month.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかりますが、日本文では運転免許書または健康保険証のコピーとなっていますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

The damage from a new kind of fraud is spreading in Tokyo. The fraud works as follows. People get a letter from the NSJ Japan Consumer Information Center saying that after you had dealt with member companies of the center, you did not pay the necessary money to the companies. You will be now put on our blacklist. If you want to avoid it, please send 63,000 yen with a copy of your car license and health insurance card to the following address by registered mail by the 22nd of this month.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、28 February 06

 

A new fraud trick was confirmed in Tokyo. They send you a letter whose sender is purported NSJ Japan Consumer Information Association Management Center. The letter says “You have an unsettled transaction with a company which is a member of our Center, and the company is calling for listing you on a blacklist. If you want to avoid this situation, you’d better to send us a payment of 63000 yen in cash by a registered mail with a copy of your driver’s license or health insurance card to the following address until the 22nd of this month.”

 

添削

 

A new fraud trick was confirmed in Tokyo. They The fraudster1 sends you a letter whose sender is purporteding to represent2 the NSJ Japan Consumer Information Association Management Center. The letter says, “You have an unsettled transaction with a company which is a member of our Center, and the company is calling for listing you on a our blacklist. If you want to avoid this situation, you’d should3 better to send us a payment of 63,000 yen in cash by a registered mail with a copy of your driver’s license or health insurance card to the following address until before the 22nd of this month.”

 

コメント

 

1.       主語を詐欺師とすると文の内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       The letter purports to represent the wishes of the diseased. The e-mail purports to be sent from the company president to a son of the politician.というように使います。

 

3.       手紙の内容はわかりやすく英文で表現してありますね。ここではshould sendと厳しく表現してあったのではないでしょうか。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new fraud trick was confirmed in Tokyo. The fraudster sends you a letter purporting to represent the NSJ Japan Consumer Information Association Management Center. The letter says, “You have an unsettled transaction with a company which is a member of our Center, and the company is calling for listing you on our blacklist. If you want to avoid this situation, you should send us a payment of 63,000 yen in cash by a registered mail with a copy of your driver’s license or health insurance card to the following address before the 22nd of this month.”

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、27 February 06

 

A new type of fraud has been detected in Tokyo. You receive a letter from an NSJ Japan Consumers' Information Systems Management Center and it goes as follows: "You have outstanding payments in business with our members and they have submitted to us an application for the registration to include you in the blacklist. If you want to avoid this, please send 63,000 yen by registered mail with a copy of your driver's license or health insurance to the address below."

 

添削

 

A new type of fraud has been detected discovered in Tokyo. You1 receive a letter from an the NSJ Japan Consumers' Information Systems Management Center and it goes as follows: that says2, "You have outstanding payments in business with to our members and they have submitted to us an application for the registration to include registering you in on our3 the blacklist. If you want to avoid this, please send us 63,000 yen by registered mail with a copy of your driver's license or health insurance card to the address below."

 

コメント

 

1.       NSJ日本消費者情報機構管理センターという名前で封書を送り」の隠された主語は「詐欺師」ですが、The fraudster sends you a letter saying ~.とするより、マウント60さんのようにYouを主語にして、You receive a letter ~としたほうが内容に説得力がありますね。

 

2.       添削のようにすると文が読みやすくなるでしょう。

 

3.       our NSJ日本消費者情報機構管理センターの)とすると、誰のブラックリストかはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new type of fraud has been discovered in Tokyo. You receive a letter from the NSJ Japan Consumers' Information Systems Management Center that says, "You have outstanding payments to our members and they have submitted to us an application for registering you on our blacklist. If you want to avoid this, please send us 63,000 yen by registered mail with a copy of your driver's license or health insurance card to the address below."

 

 

初級練習問題 246

 

江戸時代から明治にかけて日本海海運の主力として活躍した木造帆船が復元されて11月10日に青森市で進水式が行われた。全長32メートルの木造船は北海道、青森県、岩手県の16人の船大工が建造し、総工費は1億5千万円かかった。

 

読者からの投稿 7(BURU, 25 November 16

 

A launching ceremony of a restored wooden ship, which was used a main transportation in Japan sea from Edo to Meiji era, was hold on November 10 at Aomori City. The wooden ship, 32 meters long, was built by 16 skilled ship carpenters, who were working at Hokkaido, Aomori and Iwate Prefecture. The total cost was 150 million Yen.

 

添削

 

A launching ceremony of a restored wooden ship, which was used as a main transportation in the Japan sea from the Edo to Meiji era, was held hold on November 10 at Aomori City. The wooden ship, 32 meters long, was built by 16 skilled ship carpenters, who were working at in Hokkaido, Aomori and Iwate Prefecture. The total cost was 150 million Yyen.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A launching ceremony of a restored wooden ship, which was used as a main transportation in the Japan sea from the Edo to Meiji era, was held on November 10 at Aomori City. The wooden ship, 32 meters long, was built by 16 skilled ship carpenters, who were working in Hokkaido, Aomori and Iwate Prefecture. The total cost was 150 million yen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(Lucca, 8 May 12

 

On November 10, the launching ceremony of an old wooden sailing ship was held in Aomori City. The ship was used as a main commercial ship in the Japan Sea from the Edo period to the Meiji period. The ship of 32 meters long was restored by sixteen boat builders working in Hokkaido, Aomori and Iwate and cost one hundred fifty million yen in total to build.

 

添削

 

On November 10, the launching ceremony of an old wooden sailing ship was held in Aomori City. The This kind of ship was used as a main commercial ship in the Japan Sea from the Edo period to the Meiji period. The ship of 32 meters long was restored by sixteen boat builders from working in Hokkaido, Aomori and Iwate and cost one hundred fifty million yen in total to build.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On November 10, the launching ceremony of an old wooden sailing ship was held in Aomori City.  This kind of ship was used as a main commercial ship in the Japan Sea from the Edo period to the Meiji period. The ship of 32 meters long was restored by sixteen boat builders from Hokkaido, Aomori and Iwate and cost one hundred fifty million yen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Kappa 2010, 2 June 10

 

On 10th November a launching ceremony of wood sailboat was held in Aomori. It was renovated from the ship which was sailing as a main marine carrier in Japan sea in days of Edo period through Meiji era. The wooden sailboat being 32 meter in length was built by 16 ship architects from Hokkaido, Aomori prefecture and Iwate prefecture, costing 150 million yen in construction. 

 

添削

 

On 10th November the tenth, a launching ceremony of a wood sailboat was held in Aomori City. The sailboat1 It was a replica of renovated from the ship which was sailing as a main marine carrier in the Sea of Japan sea in days of from the Edo period through Meiji era. The wooden sailboat, being 32 meters in length, was built by 16 ship carpenters architects from Hokkaido, Aomori prefecture and Iwate pPrefecture, and costing 150 million yen in construction. 

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますがIt was renovated from the shipのところがわかりません。添削のようにa replicaという単語を使うとよいでしょう。

 

1.       短い文章ですが、代名詞よりもとの名詞のほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On November the tenth, a launching ceremony of a wood sailboat was held in Aomori City. The sailboat was a replica of the ship which was sailing as a main marine carrier in the Sea of Japan from the Edo period through Meiji era. The wooden sailboat, 32 meters in length, was built by 16 ship carpenters from Hokkaido, Aomori and Iwate Prefecture and cost150 million yen . 

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 8 May 10

 

A launching ceremony of a full-scale replica of a wooden sailing boat that had played a major role in the marine transport in the Sea of Japan during the period from the Edo through early part of the Meiji was held in Aomori City on November 10. The 32-meter-long wooden boat was built by 16 boat builders from the prefectures of Hokkaido, Aomori and Iwate at the total construction cost of 150 million yen.

 

添削

 

A launching ceremony of a full-scale replica of a wooden sailing boat that had played a major role in the marine transport in the Sea of Japan during the Edo period from the Edo and in through the early part of the Meiji period1 was held in Aomori City on November 10. The 32-meter-long wooden boat was built by 16 boat builders from the prefectures of Hokkaido, Aomori and Iwate at the total construction cost of 150 million yen.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       時期を二つに分けて表現したほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A launching ceremony of a full-scale replica of a wooden sailing boat that had played a major role in the marine transport in the Sea of Japan during the Edo period and in the early Meiji period1 was held in Aomori City on November 10. The 32-meter-long wooden boat was built by 16 boat builders from the prefectures of Hokkaido, Aomori and Iwate at the total construction cost of 150 million yen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、7 October 07

 

Many wooden sailing ships sailed between the Edo era and the Meiji as a main ship of marine transport in the Japan Sea. A wooden sailing ship was restored and its launching ceremony was held in Aomori City on December 10. The ship which was 32 meters in length was built by 16 carpenters in Hokkaido, Aomori, and Iwate Prefectures and the total construction cost totaled 150 million yen.

 

添削

 

Many wooden sailing ships sailed around Japan1 between in the Edo era and the early2 Meiji era as a main ship of for marine transport in the Japan Sea of Japan. A wooden sailing ship was restored and its launching ceremony was held in Aomori City on December 10. The ship which was 32 meters in length was built by 16 carpenters in from Hokkaido, Aomori, and Iwate Prefectures and the total construction cost totaled amounted3 to 150 million yen.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       sailed between ~と続くと、先ずは「AからBの場所へ」という先入観が起こるのでおまけにaround Japanと入れました。

 

2.       between the Edo and Meiji eraとすると時期が曖昧になるので添削のようにしました。

 

3.       totalが重なるので添削のようにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Many wooden sailing ships sailed around Japan in the Edo era and early Meiji era as a main ship for marine transport in the Sea of Japan. A wooden sailing ship was restored and its launching ceremony was held in Aomori City on December 10. The ship which was 32 meters in length was built by 16 carpenters from Hokkaido, Aomori, and Iwate Prefecture and the total construction cost amounted to 150 million yen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、28 February 06

 

A wooden sail boat that was used as a major transportation carrier from Edo to Meiji era in Japan Sea was repudiated and its launching ceremony was observed in Aomori City on November 10. The thirty two meters long wooden ship was built by 16 boat builders assembled from Hokkaido, Aomori, Iwate Prefectures and it cost 150 million yen.

 

添削

 

A wooden sail boat that was used as a major transportation carrier from the Edo to early Meiji era Era in the Sea of Japan Sea was repudiated reconstructed and its launching ceremony was observed held in Aomori City on November 10. The thirty two meters long wooden ship was built by 16 boat builders assembled from Hokkaido, Aomori, Iwate Prefectures and it cost 150 million yen.

 

コメント

 

わかりやすい構成の英文表現です。「北海道、青森県、岩手県の16人の船大工」を16 boat builders assembled from Hokkaido, Aomori, Iwate Prefecturesとしてassembled fromを入れたのが良いですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

A wooden sail boat that was used as a major transportation carrier from the Edo to early Meiji Era in the Sea of Japan was reconstructed and its launching ceremony was held in Aomori City on November 10. The thirty two meters long wooden ship was built by 16 boat builders assembled from Hokkaido, Aomori, Iwate Prefectures and cost 150 million yen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、27 February 06

 

A wooden sailboat which had been in full swing during the Edo through Meiji Era as the mainstay of water traffic in Japan Sea was restored to its original. And on November 10, a launching ceremony for the boat was held in Aomori City. The overall length of the restored wooden boat is 32 meters and was built by 16 boat carpenters in Hokkaido, Aomori and Iwate Prefectures. It cost a total of 150 million yen to restore the sailboat.

 

添削

 

A wooden sailboat which had been in full swing during the Edo through and the early Meiji Era as the mainstay of water traffic transportation in the Sea of Japan Sea was restored reconstructed1 to its original. And on November 10,and a launching ceremony for the boat was held in Aomori City on November tenth2. The overall length of the restored wooden boat ship is 32 meters and was built by 16 boat carpenters in from3 Hokkaido, Aomori and Iwate Prefectures. It cost a total of 150 million yen to restore reconstruct the sailboat.

 

コメント

 

1.       日本文には「復元」とありますが、restoreは現在あるものを元の形に戻すことなので、ここでは、既になくなってしまった木造帆船なので、reconstructが適切でしょう。

 

2.       ここでは文を切らずに続けたほうが、内容のつながりがよくなるのでしょう。

 

3.       北海道、青森県、岩手県の16人の船大工が青森市に集まって木造帆船を建造したのでしょうからfromがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A wooden sailboat which had been in full swing during the Edo and the early Meiji Era as the mainstay of transportation in the Sea of Japan was reconstructed and a launching ceremony was held in Aomori City on November tenth. The overall length of the ship is 32 meters and was built by 16 boat carpenters from Hokkaido, Aomori and Iwate Prefectures. It cost a total of 150 million yen reconstruct.

 

 

初級練習問題 247

 

11月10日午前8時40分ごろ、東京都文京区の東京メトロ千代田線の湯島駅で、車内の痴漢行為を追及されて駅員に突き出された男がホームから線路に飛び降り、トンネル内を逃走した。男は次の根津駅の手前で駅員に取り押さえられた。

 

読者からの投稿 7(BURU, 25 November 16

 

About 8:40 am on November 10, a man, who was suspected of molester on a train and taken by a passenger to station staff, ran away from Yushima Station, Bunkyo ward in Tokyo, on the Chiyoda line of Tokyo Subway System. The man jumped down from the platform to the rail way and ran into a tunnel. But he finally was caught by station staff just before Nezu Station, next station.

 

添削

 

About 8:40 am on November 10, a man, who was suspected of molestering on a the train and taken by a passenger to station staff, ran away from Yushima Station, Bunkyo wWard in Tokyo, on the Chiyoda line of Tokyo Subway System. The man jumped down from the platform to the rail way and ran into a tunnel. But he finally was caught by the station staff just before he reached Nezu Station, the next station.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります

 

添削後の文章

 

About 8:40 am on November 10, a man, who was suspected of molesting on the train and taken by a passenger to station staff, ran away from Yushima Station, Bunkyo Ward in Tokyo, on the Chiyoda line of Tokyo Subway System. The man jumped down from the platform to the rail way and ran into a tunnel. But he finally was caught by the station staff just before he reached Nezu Station, the next station.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(Lucca, 8 May 12

 

At around 8:40 am on November 10, a man suspected of subway groper was taken to a station staff at Yushima station of chiyoda line in Bunkyo Ward, Tokyo, but jumped off the platform at the station into the rail track and ran away in a subway tunnel. Finally, the man was caught by the station staff before the next stop, Nezu station of the same line.

 

添削

 

At around 8:40 am on November 10, a man suspected of being a subway groper was caught by taken to a station staff at Yushima sStation of the cChiyoda lLine in Bunkyo Ward, Tokyo,. bBut he jumped off the platform at the station onto into the rail track and ran away into a subway tunnel. Finally, the man was caught again by the station staff before the next train station stop, Nezu sStation of the same line.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

At around 8:40 am on November 10, a man suspected of being a subway groper was caught by a station staff at Yushima Station of the Chiyoda Line in Bunkyo Ward, Tokyo. But he jumped off the platform at the station onto the rail track and ran away into a subway tunnel. Finally, the man was caught again by the station staff before the next train station, Nezu Station of the same line.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Kappa2010, 7 June 10

 

Around 8:40am on November 10, in Yushima station of Tokyo Metro Chiyoda line in Bunkyo-ku, Tokyo, a man jumped down to the rail running through the tunnel after he had been handed over to the station staff with being suspected his obsession in the train. The man was caught by the station police at the place before the next station, Nezu.

 

添削

 

Around About 8:40am on November 10, at in Yushima sStation of the Tokyo Metro Chiyoda line in Bunkyo-ku, Tokyo, a man jumped down to the railroad and ran into1 running through the subway tunnel after he had been handed over to the station staff with being suspected his on suspicion of  obsession  sexual molestation in on the train. The man was caught by the station police at the place before he reached the next station, Nezu.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       状況を順番に記述したほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

About 8:40am on November 10, at Yushima Station of the Tokyo Metro Chiyoda line in Bunkyo-ku, Tokyo, a man jumped down to the railroad and ran into the subway tunnel after he had been handed over to the station staff with on suspicion of sexual molestation on the train. The man was caught by the station police before he reached the next station, Nezu.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 8 May 10

 

Around 8:40 a.m. of November 10, a man jumped from the platform down to rail tracks and ran away along the tunnel of the subway when he was turned over to the station staff for molestation on the train at Yushima Station of the Tokyo Metro Chiyoda line, in Bunkyo ward, Tokyo. He was soon caught by the station staff before the next station, Nezu.

 

添削

 

Around 8:40 a.m. on of November 10, a man jumped from the platform down to the rail tracks at Yushima Station of the Tokyo Metro Chiyoda line in Bunkyo Ward, Tokyo and ran away through along the tunnel of the subway train1 when he was turned over to the station staff for molestation on the train at Yushima Station of the Tokyo Metro Chiyoda line, in Bunkyo ward, Tokyo. He was soon caught by the station staff before he reached the next station, Nezu.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       a subwayには地下道の意味もあるので、ここではthe subway train地下鉄としたほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 8:40 a.m. on November 10, a man jumped from the platform down to the rail tracks at Yushima Station of the Tokyo Metro Chiyoda line in Bunkyo Ward, Tokyo and ran away through the tunnel of the subway train when he was turned over to the station staff for molestation on the train,. He was soon caught by the station staff before he reached the next station, Nezu.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、7 October 07

 

Around 8:40 a.m. on November 10, a station staff caught a man who molested a woman on a train at Yushima station of Tokyo Metro Chiyoda line in Bunkyo ward in Tokyo. But the man jumped on the rails from the platform and ran away into a tunnel. The man was caught by station staffs before the next Nezu station again.

 

添削

 

Around 8:40 a.m. on November 10, a station staff member1 caught a man who molested a woman on a the train at Yushima sStation of the Tokyo Metro Chiyoda lLine in Bunkyo ward in Tokyo. But the man fled from custody and jumped on the rails from the platform2 onto the railway track and ran away into a the subway3 tunnel. The man was caught again by the station staffs before he reached Nezu Station, the next Nezu station on the same line again.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。日本文では「車内の痴漢行為を追及されて(車内の乗客に)駅員に突き出された」のでしょうから、英文の内容と少し違いますね。

 

1.       the staffは通常は複数名詞なので、a station staff memberで一人の駅員になります。

2.       from A to Bが普通の順序です。

 

3.       地下鉄のトンネルの中を走った、というのがこの話の凄いところなので入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 8:40 a.m. on November 10, a station staff member caught a man who molested a woman on the train at Yushima Station of the Tokyo Metro Chiyoda Line in Bunkyo ward in Tokyo. But the man fled from custody and jumped from the platform onto the railway track and ran away into the subway tunnel. The man was caught again by the station staff before he reached Nezu Station, the next station on the same line .

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、12 March 06

 

Around 8:40 a.m. on November 10, at Yushima Station of Tokyo Metro Chiyoda Subway in Bunkyo Ward, Tokyo, a man who was caught with his molestation on the train was turned in to the station staff and then jumped off from the platform and ran away thorough the tunnel. The man was caught near the Nezu Station by station staff.

 

添削

 

Around 8:40 a.m. on November 10, at Yushima Station of Tokyo Metro Chiyoda Subway in Bunkyo Ward, Tokyo, a man who was1 caught with his in the act of molestation on the train was turned in to the station staff. and thenBut2 the man jumped off from the platform onto the rail track and ran away thorough into the subway tunnel. The man was caught near the next station, Nezu Station, by the station staff.

 

コメント

 

1.       これは主語なのでa man caught in the act of ~としてwho wasを省略したほうが、文のリズムがよくなるでしょう。

 

2.       男は駅員に突き出された。ところが〜として、新しい文にすると文章にサスペンスが生まれます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 8:40 a.m. on November 10, at Yushima Station of Tokyo Metro Chiyoda Subway in Bunkyo Ward, Tokyo, a man caught in the act of molestation on the train was turned to the station staff. But the man jumped off from the platform onto the rail track and ran away into the subway tunnel. The man was caught near the next station, Nezu Station, by the station staff.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、1 March 06

 

Around 8:40 a.m. on November 10 at Yushima Station on the Chiyoda Line of the Tokyo Metro in Bunkyo Ward, Tokyo, a man was caught in the act of groping on the train and handed over to the station staff. The man then jumped from the platform to the track and ran away through a tunnel but was caught by the station staff just before reaching Nezu Station, the next stop.

 

添削

 

Around 8:40 a.m. on November 10 at Yushima Station on the Chiyoda Line of the Tokyo Metro in Bunkyo Ward, Tokyo, a man was caught in the act of groping sexual harassment 1on the train and handed over to the station staff. Then, Tthe man fled from custody and then jumped from the platform to the track and ran away through a the subway tunnel. bBut he was eventually caught by the station staff again just before reaching Nezu Station, the next stop on the same line2.

 

コメント

 

1.       gropingではスリかもしれない(?)のでsexual harassmentとしたほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       文の切れ目を変えて、文章全体を読みやすくしました。時間の経過を追って記述した内容なので、then, eventually, nextなどを使うと文と文のつながりがよくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 8:40 a.m. on November 10 at Yushima Station on the Chiyoda Line of the Tokyo Metro in Bunkyo Ward, Tokyo, a man was caught in the act of sexual harassment on the train and handed over to the station staff. Then, the man fled from custody and then jumped from the platform to the track and ran away through the subway tunnel. But he was eventually caught by the station staff again just before reaching Nezu Station, the next stop on the same line.

 

 

初級練習問題 248 

 

「iPod」などのデジタル携帯音楽プレーヤーの販売価格に、著作権者らに分配する「補償金」を上乗せするかどうかを検討してきた文化審議会は11月11日、「現時点では適切ではない」として、上乗せを見送る最終報告書案をまとめた。補償金制度は、著作権法改正により1993年に導入された。MDプレーヤーなどの「デジタル録音機器」が対象で、例えばMDプレーヤーの場合は1台約400円の補償金が販売価格に上乗せされている。

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(OKEN, 23 December 12

 

The Cultural Affairs Council had considered whether or not the compensation money for copyright holders should be added to retail prices of handy digital music players such as iPod, and ,on November 11, it concluded “It is inappropriate to accept this issue at present.” and drew up the final report draft. The compensation program has been introduced with revisions to the Copyright Act in 1993. The law applies to digital recorders such as MD players. For example, about 400 yen per one is added to the sales price for MD players.

 

添削

 

The Cultural Affairs Council had considered whether or not the compensation money for copyright holders should be added to retail prices of handy digital music players such as iPod, and ,on November 11, it concluded, “It is inappropriate to accept this proposal issue at present.” and The Council drew up the final report draft accordingly. The compensation program has been introduced to other devices with revisions to the Copyright Act in 1993. The act law applies to digital recorders such as MD players. For example, about 400 yen per one is added to the sales price of each for MD players.

 

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Cultural Affairs Council considered whether or not the compensation money for copyright holders should be added to retail prices of handy digital music players such as iPod, and ,on November 11, concluded, “It is inappropriate to accept this proposal at present.” The Council drew up the final report draft accordingly. The compensation program has been introduced to other devices with revisions to the Copyright Act in 1993. The act applies to digital recorders such as MD players. For example, about 400 yen is added to the sale price of each MD player.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(Lucca, 11 May 12

 

Although the Commissioner of the Agency for Cultural Affairs had considered whether to include compensation payments in the selling price of digital portable music players such as i Pod, the agency compiled a final report to make no decision on the compensation payment by saying "The decision at present was not appropriate “on November 11.  The compensation payment will be distributed to the copyright owners. 

 

The compensation program was introduced in 1993 by the amendment of music copyright law, which applies to digital recording equipment such as MD players. In the case of a MD player, for example, a compensation payment of 400 yen per a player is added to the selling price of the player.

 

添削

 

Although tThe Commissioner of the Agency for Cultural Affairs had considered whether to include compensation payments in the selling price of digital portable music players such as  iPod and, the agency compiled released a final report on November 11 that to make no decision on the compensation payment by saying "The decision at present it was not appropriate to include compensation payments “on November 11.  The compensation payment will be distributed to the copyright owners. 

 

The compensation program was introduced in 1993 by the amendment of music copyright law, which has been appliesd to digital recording equipment such as MD players. In the case of a MD player, for example, a compensation payment of 400 yen per a player is added to the selling price of the player. The compensation payment has been distributed to copyright owners.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。文章の前半は短い文章に区切ることで読みやすくなります。「迷ったら切れ」が、わかりやすい文章作成の原則です。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Commissioner of Cultural Affairs had considered whether to include compensation payments in the selling price of digital portable music players such as iPod and released a final report on November 11 that at present it was not appropriate to include compensation payments.   

 

The compensation program was introduced in 1993 by the amendment of music copyright law, which has been applied to digital recording equipment such as MD players. In the case of a MD player, for example, a compensation payment of 400 yen per player is added to the selling price of the player. The compensation payment has been distributed to copyright owners.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Kappa2010, 7 June 10

 

On November 11, a governmental committee of culture summarized a final report in which the addition idea should be withdrawn because the timing is not appropriate at the moment. They have been was studying whether a “ compensation” to the copy right holders should be added onto the sales price of digital mobile music players like i-Pod. The compensation system was introduced in 1993 by the revision of copy right low. It is applied to digital record devices like MD player. For instance, the sales price of MD player is included about 400 Yen per unit of compensation fee.  

 

添削

 

On November 11, a governmental committee of culture summarized released1 a final report in that recommended a proposal of a new levy on digital mobile music players2 which the addition idea should be withdrawn because the timing is was3 not appropriate at the moment. They The committee4 has have been was studying whether or not a “ compensation” to the copy right holders should be added onto the sales price of digital mobile music players like i-Pod. The compensation system was introduced in 1993 by the revision to the of copy right low. and It is has been applied to digital recording devices like MD players. For instance, the sales price of a MD player is includeds about 400 Yyen per unit of the compensation fee.  

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、わかりにくいところがあります。

 

1.       「最終報告書案をまとめた」とありますがが、「まとめて、発表した」のでしょう。

 

2.       キーセンテンスなので、何が主題なのかを短く記述します。

 

3.       動詞の時制の一致でreleasedに合わせて過去形にします。

 

4.       固有名詞のある審議会ですが、a government committee of cultureと普通名詞でもよいでしょう。theyよりも、この審議会全体を指すthe committeeのほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On November 11, a governmental committee of culture released a final report that recommended a proposal of a new levy on digital mobile music players should be withdrawn because the timing was not appropriate at the moment. The committee has been studying whether or not a “ compensation” to the copy right holders should be added onto the sale price of digital mobile music players like i-Pod. The compensation system was introduced in 1993 by the revision to the copy right low and has been applied to digital recording devices like MD players. For instance, the sale price of a MD player includes about 400 yen of the compensation fee.  

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 9 May 10

 

The Cultural Affairs Council had been considering charging royalties payable to the copyright holders onto the selling price of portable digital music players like “I Pod”. On November 11, the Council released its final report recommending deferment of charging the royalties on the ground that it is not appropriate at this time. The compensatory payment program was introduced in 1993 in accordance with revisions to the Copyright Act applying to “digital recording devices”. Fore example, the price of an MD player includes about 400 yen of the compensation money.

 

添削

 

The Cultural Affairs Council had been considering charging royalties, payable to the copyright holders, onto the selling price of new types of portable digital music players like “I iPod”. On November 11, the Council released its final report recommending not deferment of to charginge the royalties on these types of digital music players on the ground that it was is not appropriate to charge the royalties at this time. The compensatory payment royalty program was introduced in 1993 in accordance with the revisions to the Copyright Act that expanded its applications applying to “digital recording devices”. Fore example, the price of an MD player includes about 400 yen of the compensation royalty money.

 

コメント

 

 日本文の内容に説明不足のところがあり、したがって英文の内容もはっきりしないところがあります。すでにデジタル録音機器に補償金は上乗せされていますが、iPodのその類似品(iPodのほうが後発組ですが)には補償金の上乗せをしない、ということだとおもいます。このような補足説明がひつようになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Cultural Affairs Council had been considering charging royalties, payable to copyright holders, onto selling price of new types of portable digital music players like “ iPod”. On November 11, the Council released its final report recommending not to charge the royalties on these types of digital music players on the ground that it was not appropriate to charge the royalties at this time. The compensatory royalty program was introduced in 1993 in accordance with the revisions to the Copyright Act that expanded its applications to “digital recording devices”. Fore example, the price of an MD player includes about 400 yen of the compensation royalty .

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、6 October 07

 

The Culture Council has reviewed whether or not a usage fee paid to copyright holders is added to the prices of digital portable music players such as iPod. The Culture Council judged that added prices were improper at the present moment and finalized the draft final report which shelved them. The compensation system was introduced by revisions of the music copyright law in 1993. The system aimed at digital recorders such as MD players. In case of MD players, for instance, about 400 yen per MD player are added to its price.

 

 

添削

 

The Culture Council has reviewed whether or not a usage fee paid to copyright holders is should be added to the prices of digital portable music players such as iPod. The Culture Council judged deiced that addeding the usage fee1 was prices were improper at the present moment and finalized the draft final report which shelved them it. The compensation system program was introduced by a revisions to of the music copyright law in 1993. The program system aimeds at digital recorders such as MD players. In case of MD players, for instance, about 400 yen per MD player are is added to its price.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       補償金を上乗せすること、adding the usage feeとするとはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Culture Council has reviewed whether or not a usage fee paid to copyright holders should be added to the prices of digital portable music players such as iPod. The Culture Council deiced that adding the usage fee was improper at the present moment and finalized the draft final report which shelved it. The compensation program was introduced by a revision to the music copyright law in 1993. The program aims at digital recorders such as MD players. In case of MD players, for instance, about 400 yen per MD player is added to its price.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、12 March 06

 

Council for Culture has been discussing the issue of adding an extra charge on selling prices of digital mobile music players like “iPod” to distribute “compensation” to copyright owners. The council submitted the final report on November 11 that concluded implement of adding an extra charge was inappropriate at this moment. “Compensation” system was introduced in 1993 when the copyright laws were revised. At that time, the revision was only assumed on “digital recording devices” like MD players. In case of MD player, every player is added about 400 yen on its market price as compensation.

 

添削

 

The Council for Culture has been discussing the issue of adding an extra charge on selling prices of digital mobile music players like the “iPod” and to distribute this “compensation” money to copyright owners1. The council submitted the final report on November 11 that concluded that implementation of adding an the extra charge was inappropriate at this moment time. The Ccompensation” system was introduced in 1993 when the copyright laws were revised. At that time, the revision compensation system was only assumed on “digital recording devices” like such as MD players. In case of MD player, every player is added about 400 yen on its market price as compensation.

 

コメント

 

1.       「iPod」などのデジタル携帯音楽プレーヤーの販売価格に、著作権者らに分配する補償」を上乗せする」はさくらさんのように「〜のために〜する」の形の英文でひょうげんできますが、ここではtoの前後の文が長いので、and to~として、「〜して、それから〜する」という形にしたほうが内容がわかりやすくなります。またthis compensation moneyと具体的に表現するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Council for Culture has been discussing the issue of adding an extra charge on selling prices of digital mobile music players like the “iPod” and to distribute this “compensation” money to copyright owners. The council submitted the final report on November 11 that concluded that implementation of the extra charge was inappropriate at this time. The “compensation” system was introduced in 1993 when the copyright laws were revised. At that time, the compensation system only assumed “digital recording devices” such as MD players. In case of MD player, every player is added about 400 yen on its market price as compensation.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、1 March 06

 

The Council for Cultural Affairs was considering whether or not it was necessary to add the "compensation money" shared by copyright holders onto the retail prices of digital portable music players including the "i Pod." On November 11, the council compiled a final report to decide not to make the addition this time, claiming that "it was not suitable to do so at this moment." The compensation money system was adopted in 1993 in accordance with the revision of the copyright protection law. It applies to the "digital recording equipment" such as  MD players, and in the case of MD players, for example, about 400 yen per unit is added onto the retail price.

 

添削

 

The Council for Cultural Affairs was had been studying1 considering whether or not it was necessary to add the "compensation money" to be shared by music copyright holders onto the retail prices of digital portable music players including such as the "i Pods." On November 11, the cCouncil2 compiled released a final report saying, to decide not to make the addition this time, claiming that3 "it was not suitable to do so at this moment." The compensation money system was adopted in 1993 in accordance with the a revision of to the copyright protection law. It applies to the "digital recording equipment" such as MD players, and in the case of MD players, for example, about 400 yen per unit is added onto the retail price.

 

コメント

 

1.       過去完了進行形にすると時間関係がはっきりします。最終報告案をまとめた(過去)時点よりも前になります。「最終報告案をまとめた」という表現は日本文に多いですが、「まとめた」だけでなく、これを「発表した」のですから、releasedがよいでしょう。

 

2.       The Council for Cultural Affairsを省略して使っているのでthe Councilとするとはっきりするでしょう。

 

3.       次の節と内容が重複するので省略します。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Council for Cultural Affairs had been studying whether or not it was necessary to add "compensation money" to be shared by music copyright holders onto retail prices of digital portable music players such as "i Pods." On November 11, the Council released a final report saying, "it was not suitable to do so at this moment." The compensation money system was adopted in 1993 in accordance with a revision to the copyright protection law. It applies to "digital recording equipment" such as MD players, and in the case of MD players, for example, about 400 yen per unit is added onto the retail price.

 

 

初級練習問題 249

 

秋になり、間もなく大学3年生が就職活動に走り出す時期を迎えた。今や学生の就職活動はインターネットがなくては始まらない。インターネットがなかった時代には就職情報誌や学校への求人票を通して企業を探した。そしてどんな会社なのかを知るために葉書で会社に資料を請求しなければならなかった。しかし現在ではインターネットを使えば、内容の深い情報をたくさん手軽に取ることができる。会社も広く情報を就職希望者に提供できるようになり、採用者の選択の幅が広がった。

 

読者からの投稿 6(OKEN, 19 July 12

 

Autumn has come and it is just time for most third-year students to start job search soon. Now, the internet has become an essential tool for students’ job search. In the old days, there was no internet and students used to search companies by job information magazines or job application forms sent to colleges. They had to ask for reference materials by sending a postal card in order to get information about the company. But, in these days, they can easily get a lot of significant information about companies by the internet. Companies can also widely provide information with job-seeking students and select from a wider range of students.

 

添削

 

Autumn has come and it is just time for most third-year university students to start job search soon. Now, the internet has become an essential tool for students’ job search. In the old days, there was no internet and students used to search companies by job information magazines or job application forms sent by companies to universities and colleges. Students They had to ask companies for reference materials by sending a postal card in order to get information about the companyies. But, in these days, they can easily get a lot of significant information about companies by the internet. Companies can also widely provide information to with job-seeking students and select from a wider range of students.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       it is just time, start to search と既にでているのでsoonということがわかります。

 

2.       文章中に複数形の名詞がいくつの出てきているのでstudentsとするとはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Autumn has come and it is just time for most third-year university students to start job search. Now, the internet has become an essential tool for students’ job search. In the old days, there was no internet and students used to search companies by job information magazines or job application forms sent by companies to universities and colleges. Students had to ask companies for reference materials by sending a post card in order to get information about the companies. But, in these days, they can easily get a lot of information about companies by the internet. Companies can also widely provide information to job-seeking students and select from a wider range of students.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 11 May 12

 

Autumn is the time when the third year students at college start their job hunting. Nowadays, the Internet is essential for job hunting. Prior to the Internet, students had to get information on job search information magazines and job postings at college, asked for more details about a company by sending a post card to companies. However, students today can get substantive information through the Internet. Also, companies provide job hunters with valuable information at their websites, come to be able to attract many applicants than ever before.

 

添削

 

Autumn is the time when the third year students at college start their job hunting. Nowadays, the Internet is essential for job hunting. Prior to the Internet, students had to get information on from job search information magazines and job postings at college, and asked for more details about jobs1 a company by writing sending a letter2 post card to companies. However, students today can get substantive information through the Internet. Also, companies can provide job hunters with valuable information at their websites and , come to be able to attract a wider range of many applicants than ever before.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       実際は会社の概要を知りたいのでしょうが、ここでは仕事探しのことなので、英文ではjobs のほうがわかりやすいでしょう。日本では「会社に就職する」のにに、北米では「仕事に就職する」という違いがありますね。

 

2.       日本文にはハガキとありますが、英文はwriting a letterとすると良いでしょう。ここでa letterはハガキ、封筒の区別ではなく、「書面で」という意味です。

 

添削後の文章

 

Autumn is the time when third year students at college start their job hunting. Nowadays, the Internet is essential for job hunting. Prior to the Internet, students had to get information from job information magazines and job postings at college and asked for more details about jobs  by writing a letter to companies. However, students today can get substantive information through the Internet. Also, companies can provide job hunters with valuable information at their websites and attract a wider range of applicants than ever before.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 10 May 10

 

Now fall has come, and it is time for third-year university students to start their job-hunting endeavors soon. Today, their job-hunting cannot start without the Internet. When they didn’t have the Internet, they had to search companies through job information magazines and/or job-opening information sent to the university and then to send individual companies post cards requesting information materials. Fortunately today, the use of the Internet allows job hunters to obtain a lot more information in more details with less effort. At the same time, the Internet enables companies to provide greater number of job hunters with their information, thus giving companies broader options in their recruiting.

 

添削

 

Now fall has come,1 and it is time for third-year university students will to start their job-hunting endeavors soon. Today, their job-hunting cannot start without the Internet. When they didn’t have the Internet, they had to search companies through job information magazines and/or job-opening information sent to their university universities and then to send individual companies post cards requesting information materials. Fortunately Now today, however, the use of the Internet allows them job hunters to obtain a lot more information in more details with less efforts. At the same time, the Internet enables companies to provide a greater number of job hunters with the their information on their companies, thus giving companies a larger number of students for broader options in their recruiting their employees2.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       コンマで息をきらないほうが良いでしょう。

 

2.       少し具体性を持たせた表現のほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Now fall has come and third-year university students will start their job-hunting endeavors soon. Today, their job-hunting cannot start without the Internet. When they didn’t have the Internet, they had to search companies through job information magazines and/or job-opening information sent to their universities and then to send individual companies post cards requesting information materials. Now, however, the use of the Internet allows them to obtain a lot more information in more details with less efforts. At the same time, the Internet enables companies to provide a greater number of job hunters with the information on their companies, thus giving companies a larger number of students for recruiting their employees.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、6 October 07

 

Autumn has come and the season that juniors start their job search will come before long. Currently students cannot find a job without the Internet. In the period that we didn't have the Internet, they looked for companies through job-opening information at college or job information magazines. To get information on company, they had to send post cards to companies and require the employment material. But nowadays they can easily gather a lot of detail information by the Internet. As companies provide a lot of information to job-hunters, they can broaden adopters' options.

 

添削

 

Autumn has come and the season that for third-year university students1 to juniors start their job search will come before long. Currently students cannot find a job without the Internet. In the period that When they we didn't have the Internet, they looked for companies through job-opening information at college or job information magazines. To get information on a company, they had to send a post cards to the companiesy requesting and require the an employment material brochure. But nowadays they can easily gather a lot of detailed information by the Internet. For companies, the more students2 they As companies provide with a lot of information to job-hunters, the more choices they have when they hire students can broaden adopters' options.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますがjuniors(若い人?)、they can broaden adopters' options.

の意味がわかりません。

 

1.       大学の三年生をa juniorという言い方は現在はあまり使われません。読者からの投稿 1 のコメントをご覧ください。

 

2.       「広く情報を就職希望者に提供」は「多くの就職希望者に情報を提供」の意味でしょう。添削のように説明するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Autumn has come and the season for third-year university students to start their job search will come before long. Currently students cannot find a job without the Internet. When they  didn't have the Internet, they looked for companies through job-opening information at college or job information magazines. To get information on a company, they had to send a post card to the company requesting an employment brochure. But nowadays they can easily gather a lot of detailed information by the Internet. For companies, the more students they provide with  information, the more choices they have when they hire students .

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、17 March 06

 

Autumn has come and it is the season in which senior students in colleges will start job hunting soon. These days, Internet is indispensable tool for job search. Before Internet was invented, we had to get company’s information using job information magazines or job offering sheet from companies to the university. And we sent postcards to get more details about the companies. But now students can take in massive and solid information easily through the Internet. Companies also have been able to provide information broadly to job seekers and collect more various applicants.

 

添削

 

Autumn has come and it is the season in which when senior forth-year1 students in colleges will start job hunting soon. These days, the Internet is indispensable tool for job search. Before the Internet was invented, we students2 had to get information on company’sies information using job information magazines or job offering sheets from companies to  posted at colleges the university. And Then we students sent postcards to companies to get more details about the companies. But now students can take in get massive and solid information easily through the Internet. Companies also have been able to can3 provide information more broadly to job seekers and collect receive a wider variety of more various4 applicants.

 

コメント

 

1.       forth-year studentsとしたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。近年は四年で大学を卒業するとは限らなくなりましたが。

 

2.       既にstudentsが前の文に出てくるので、主語をstudentsで統一するとわかりやすくなります。

 

3.       学生側の事情は現在形で表現してあるので、会社側も現在形で表現するとよいでしょう。

 

4.       variousは「いろいろな種類の」という意味なのでmoreと重ねてmore various studentsとするとモゴモゴした感じになります。variousを名詞化してa wider variety of studentsとするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Autumn has come and it is the season when forth-year students in colleges start job hunting soon. These days, the Internet is indispensable for job search. Before the Internet was invented, students had to get information on companies using job information magazines or job offering sheets from companies posted at colleges. Then students sent postcards to companies to get more details about the companies. But now students can get massive and solid information easily through the Internet. Companies also can provide information more broadly to job seekers and receive a wider variety of applicants.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、2 March 06

 

It is autumn, the season for juniors to enter the job hunting race shortly. No job hunting of today's university students is possible without the use of the Internet. Before the Internet Age, students were looking for companies via job information magazines and job-offering slips companies sent to universities. Students also had to send companies postcards asking for documents on what business the company they picked out was doing. Currently, however, students can have easy access to a lot of in-depth information with the help of the Internet and it is also possible for companies to provide information to job seekers on a large scale, and adopters have a much wider variety of choices of job applicants than before.

 

添削

 

It is autumn now, the season for juniors third-year university students1 to enter into the a job hunting race shortly. Nowadays, Nno job hunting of today's university students is possible without the use of the Internet. Before the Internet Age, students were looking looked for jobs companies via job information magazines and job-offering slips companies sent to universities. But Sstudents also had to send companies postcards asking for documents on what business the company they picked out was doing. Currently, however, students can have easy access to a lot of in-depth information with the help of the Internet. At the same time2, and it is also possible for companies to provide information to a larger number of job seekers on a large scale, and adopters and have a much wider variety of choices of job applicants than before.

 

コメント

 

1.       大学生をfreshman, sophomore, junior, seniorと学年別に指す言い方がありますが、現在はfirst-year student, second-year studentという言い方の方が一般的です。北米ではadult studentsと言って就職をしてから会社を辞めてまたは仕事を続けながら大学に通う生徒も増え、高校を卒業して大学に行き、4年で大学を卒業する、というパターンが減ってきています。卒業に必要な単位がそろった時に卒業するというようになり、大学1年、2年というような言い方も意味がなくなってきています。

 

2.       学生の側から見たインターネットの有効性と会社側から見たインターネットの有効性の二つがあるので、ここで文を切るとはっきりするでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

It is autumn now, the season for third-year university students to enter into a job hunting race shortly. Nowadays, no job hunting is possible without the use of the Internet. Before the Internet Age, students looked for jobs via job information magazines and job-offering slips companies sent to universities. But students had to send companies postcards asking for documents on what business the company they picked was doing. Currently, however, students can have easy access to a lot of in-depth information with the help of the Internet. At the same time, it is also possible for companies to provide information to a larger number of job seekers and have a much wider variety of choices of job applicants than before.

 

 

初級練習問題 250

 

環境省は、「クールビズ」に続き、暖房温度を20度に設定して“暖房機器に頼らない暖かい服装”をする「ウォームビズ」を呼びかけています。ウォームビズは、クールビズよりも約4倍の二酸化炭素削減効果があると言われています。このビジネススタイルに賛同している企業も増えていますが、冬場の室温20度は結構寒い。おしゃれを忘れない女性にとって暖かくおしゃれをする工夫が必要になる。

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 14 May 12

 

The Environment Ministry has promoted a "Warm Biz" in winter inspired by the success of a "Cool Biz"in summer. This campaign of the Warm Biz encourages office employees to dress warmly when the room temperature is set at 20 degrees Celsius. The Warm biz can cut carbon emissions four times as much as the Cool Biz. More and more companies are agreeing with the idea of wearing warmer clothes at office. Thus, fashion conscious female employees need to take a little ingenuity to dress warmly since people feel colder at 20 degrees Celsius at their office in winter than thought.

 

添削

 

The Environment Ministry of Environment is has promoteding a "Warm Biz1" in winter inspired by the success of a "Cool Biz" in summer. This campaign of the Warm Biz encourages office employees to dress warmly when the room temperature is set at 20 degrees Celsius to save energy. The Warm bBiz can cut carbon emissions four times as much as the Cool Biz. More and more companies are agreeing with the idea of wearing warmer clothes at office. Thus, fashion conscious female employees need to use take a little ingenuity to dress warmly and fashionably since they people feel chilly colder at 20 degrees Celsius in at their offices in winter than thought.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       Warm Bizは「冬に勤務先の室内で暖かい服装をして省エネに協力すること」という新語の抽象名詞と解釈できます。大文字で書いて「ある特殊な概念」のことを示しているので冠詞は要りません。a Warm Biz fashionというように使えばもっとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Environment is promoting "Warm Biz" in winter inspired by the success of "Cool Biz" in summer. This campaign of Warm Biz encourages office employees to dress warmly when the room temperature is set at 20 degrees Celsius to save energy. Warm Biz can cut carbon emissions four times as much as Cool Biz. More and more companies are agreeing with the idea of wearing warmer clothes at office. Thus, fashion conscious female employees need to use a little ingenuity to dress warmly and fashionably since they feel chilly  at 20 degrees Celsius in their offices in winter .

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 11 May 10

 

The Ministry of the Environment is calling on people to practice "Warm Biz", an autumn-winter version of this summer's "Cool Biz" campaign. “Warm Biz” encourages office employees to dress warmly so they can work comfortably in a temperature of 20 degrees Celsius or lower and is said to reduce four times more carbon dioxide emissions than "Cool Biz". An increasing number of companies are buying this idea. Nevertheless, a room temperature of 20 degrees Celsius in winter is slightly cold, requiring fashion-conscious women to exercise their ingenuity to dress warmly and fashionably.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of the Environment is calling on people to practice "Warm Biz", an autumn-winter version of this summer's "Cool Biz" campaign. “Warm Biz” encourages office employees to dress warmly so they can work comfortably in the office with a temperature of 20 degrees Celsius or lower. and “Warm Biz” is said to reduce four times more carbon dioxide emissions than "Cool Biz". An increasing number of companies are buying into this idea. Nevertheless, a room temperature of 20 degrees Celsius in winter is slightly cold, requiring fashion-conscious women to exercise their ingenuity to dress warmly and fashionably.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。英語表現にいろいろと工夫があり、内容がわかりやすいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of the Environment is calling on people to practice "Warm Biz", an autumn-winter version of this summer's "Cool Biz" campaign. “Warm Biz” encourages office employees to dress warmly so they can work comfortably in the office with a temperature of 20 degrees Celsius or lower. “Warm Biz” is said to reduce four times more carbon dioxide emissions than "Cool Biz". An increasing number of companies are buying into this idea. Nevertheless, a room temperature of 20 degrees Celsius in winter is slightly cold, requiring fashion-conscious women to exercise their ingenuity to dress warmly and fashionably.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、7 October 07

 

The Ministry of the Environment is encouraging the Warm Biz which dresses warmly not to depend on heating equipments after the Cool Biz. It is said that the Warm Biz decreases CO2 four time compared with the Cool Biz. Companies which agree on this business style are increasing in number. But it is rather cold that the temperature in a room stands at 20 degrees. Women who are fashion-conscious have to try various measures to dress up warmly.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of the Environment is encouraging the people to adopt Warm Biz, that is, to wear warm clothing in the office and not to Biz which dresses warmly not to depend on heating equipments too much in winter after the season for Cool Biz (dressing lightly in the office in summer to save air conditioning costs) is over. It is said that the Warm Biz decreases CO2 four time as much as compared with the Cool Biz. More and more Ccompanies which agree on this business style are adopting Warm Biz increasing in number. But it is rather cold when that the room temperature is kept in a room stands at 20 degrees Celsius.. Women who are fashion-conscious have to try various measures ways to dress up warmly and fashionably.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、Warm Bizの説明をもう少し詳しくするとよいでしょう。

 

The Ministry of Environment is encouraging people to adopt Warm Biz, that is, to wear warm clothing in the office and not to depend on heating too much in winter after the season for Cool Biz (dressing lightly in the office in summer to save air conditioning costs) is over. It is said that Warm Biz decreases CO2 four time as much as Cool Biz. More and more companies  are adopting Warm Biz. But it is rather cold when the room temperature is kept at 20 degrees Celsius. Women who are fashion-conscious have to try various ways to dress up warmly and fashionably.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、17 March 06

 

Following the so-called CoolBizzcampaign, the environmental ministry launchesWarmBizz campaign that call for people setting the temperature of heating appliance at 20 and wearing warmer cloths that you can endure without use of heating appliance. It is said that WarmBizz is fore times efficient to cut the emission of carbon dioxide than CoolBizz. Many companies join in this campaign but it is a fact that it is pretty cold in the room set the temperature at 20 in winter time. Chic women need to try many ways to dress warmly and smartly.

 

添削

 

Following the so-called CoolBizz” campaign, the Ministry of eEnvironmental ministry launches theWarmBizz” campaign that calls for people setting the temperature of heating air-conditioning appliance at 20 and wearing warmer cloths so that you we1 can save energy can endure without use of heating appliance. It is said that the WarmBizz is fore four times as efficient as the CoolBiz2 to in cutting the emission of carbon dioxides than CoolBizz. Many companies join in this campaign but it is a fact that it is pretty cold in the room set the temperature at 20 in winter time. Chic women need to try many ways to for dressing warmly and smartly3.

 

コメント

 

1.       環境省が一方にあるので、これと対比してyouよりweがよいでしょう。

 

2.       four times as efficient as the CoolBizまたはfour times more efficient than the CoolBizとなります。

 

3.       「暖かくおしゃれをする工夫」dressing warmly and smartlyが上手な表現ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Following the so-called “CoolBiz” campaign, the Ministry of Environmental launches theWarmBiz” campaign that calls for people setting the temperature of air-conditioning appliance at 20 and wearing warmer cloths so that we can save energy . It is said that the WarmBiz is four times as efficient as the CoolBiz in cutting the emission of carbon dioxides. Many companies join this campaign but it is pretty cold in the room set at 20 in winter time. Chic women need to try many ways for dressing warmly and smartly.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、2 March 06

 

Following the "Cool Biz" in summer, the Ministry of Environment is calling the nation to practice the "Warm Biz," a "warm business style" to encourage people to "wear heavy clothes not to depend too much on heating equipment in winter" by setting air conditioning at 20 degrees Celsius. The Warm Biz is said to be about four times as effective in reducing the amount of carbon dioxide as the Cool Biz. More and more companies are adopting this business style, but it feels fairly cold to be in a temperature of 20 degrees Celsius in winter. Fashion-conscious women need to use their brain to dress both warmly and stylishly.

 

添削

 

Following the "Cool Biz" in summer, the Ministry of Environment is calling the nation to practice the "Warm Biz," a "warm business clothing style" to encourage people to "wear heavy warmer 1clothes and not to depend too much on heating equipment in winter" by setting air the room temperature conditioning at 20 degrees Celsius. The Warm Biz is said to be about four times as effective as the Cool Biz in reducing the amount of carbon dioxide generated by air conditioning equipment as the Cool Biz. More and more companies are adopting this business style, but it 20 degrees Celsius in the office feels fairly a bit 2cold to be in a temperature of 20 degrees Celsius in winter. Fashion-conscious women need to use their brain to dress both warmly and stylishly3.

 

コメント

 

1.       冬は暖かなものを着るが、今まで以上に暖かなもの、という意味でwarmerがよいでしょう。

 

2.       fairly coldというと本当に寒い、という感じなので、いままでよりちょっと寒い、a bit coldがよいでしょう。

 

3.       「おしゃれを忘れない女性にとって暖かくおしゃれをする工夫が必要になる。」をFashion-conscious women need to use their brain to dress both warmly and stylishly.と表現したのは洒落ていますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Following the "Cool Biz" in summer, the Ministry of Environment is calling the nation to practice the "Warm Biz," a "warm business clothing style" to encourage people to "wear warmer clothes and not to depend too much on heating equipment in winter" by setting the room temperature at 20 degrees Celsius. The Warm Biz is said to be about four times as effective as the Cool Biz in reducing the amount of carbon dioxide generated by air conditioning equipment . More and more companies are adopting this business style, but 20 degrees Celsius in the office feels a bit cold in winter. Fashion-conscious women need to use their brain to dress both warmly and stylishly.