トップページに戻る

 

初級練習問題の添削 221−230

 

初級練習問題 221(8 Nov 05) (20 Nov 05) (20 Sept 07) (25 Oct 07) (23 May 08)

                                (14 Apr 10) (29 Jan 12) (19 Oct 16)

 

初級練習問題 222(8 Nov 05) (15 Nov 05) (20 Nov 05) (20 Sept 07) (26 Oct 07)

                    (23 May b08) (2 Jan 09) (14 Apr 10) (3 Feb 12) (20 Oct 16)

 

初級練習問題 223(8 Nov 05) (16 Nov 05) (23 Nov 05) (21 Sept 07) (30 Oct 07)

                    (27 May 08) (3 Jan 09) (14 Apr 10) (8 Feb 12) (2 Feb 13)

                                (20 Oct 16)

 

初級練習問題 224(10 Nov 05) (18 Nov 05) (23 Nov 05) (21 Sept 07) (31 Oct 07)

                    (27 May 08) (4 Jan 09) (14 Apr 10) (10 Feb 2012) (26 Oct 16)

 

初級練習問題 225(10 Nov 05) (18 Nov 05) (27 Dec 05) (22 Sept 07) (1 Nov 07)

                    (29 May 08) (5 Jan 09) (14 Apr 10) (15 Feb 12) (26 Oct 16)

 

初級練習問題 226(19 Nov 05) (27 Dec 05) (22 Sept 07) (2 Nov 07) (29 May 08)

                                (6 Jan 09) (18 Apr 10) (15 Feb 12) (28 Oct 16)

 

初級練習問題 227(22 Nov 05) (27 Dec 05) (22 Sept 07) (3 Nov 07) (31 May 08)

                                (8 Jan 08) (18 Apr 10)  (15 Feb 12) (28 Oct 16)

 

 

初級練習問題 228(25 Nov 05) (29 Dec 05) (23 Sept 07) (6 Nov 07) (31 May 08)

                                (10 Jan 09) (18 Apr 10) (16 Feb 12) (11 July 12) (29 Oct 16)

 

初級練習問題 229(25 Nov 05) (29 Dec 05) (23 Sept 07) (7 Nov 07) (3 June 08)

                                (10 Jan 09) (18 Apr 10) (18 Feb 12) (31 Oct 16)

 

初級練習問題 230(26 Nov 05) (29 Dec 05) (24 Sept 07) (8 Nov 07) (3 June 08)

                                (18 Apr 10) (21 Feb 12) (31 Oct 16)

 

初級練習問題 221

 

現在、企業のトップが困っているのは情報の過多である。ある件について情報が欲しい、と秘書に指示すると、インターネット、データベースなどで得た資料を山のように机に積み重ねる。こちらが指定したキーワードを充足する内容をA4版一枚程度にまとめてくれる有能なアシスタントが絶対に必要な世の中になってきた。

 

読者からの投稿 9(BURU, 19 October 16

 

Now, the entrepreneurs are suffering from much information. For example, if he asks his secretary to search information about one project, his secretary will pile up a lot of data on his desk. The secretary can get information through an internet and a database easily. So, the entrepreneurs need to hire more capable secretary who can summarize all of his required information on one sheet including his instructed keywords.

 

添削

 

Now, business executives the entrepreneurs are suffering from too much information. For example, if he asks his secretary to search information about one project, his secretary will pile up a lot of data on his desk. The secretary can get information through an the internet and a databases easily. So, what the business executive1 needs is the entrepreneurs need to hire a more capable secretary who can summarize all of his required information on one sheet of paper including his the instructed keywords.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

コメント

 

1.       企業のトップと秘書と二人の人物がでてくるので、代名詞ではなく、名詞を使ってどの人物なのか、はっきりさせます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Now, business executives are suffering from too much information. For example, if he asks his secretary to search information about one project, his secretary will pile up a lot of data on his desk. The secretary can get information through the internet and databases easily. So, what the business executive needs is to hire a more capable secretary who can summarize all required information on one sheet of paper including the instructed keywords.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(Lucca, 29 January 12

 

Top business leaders are suffering from a flood of information. When leaders ask their secretaries to collect an information, they end up receiving a pile of documents that contain the information collected from Internet or database. Competent assistants are definitely needed to provide leaders with a one page summary that contains all the information matching the specified key word from the leaders.

 

添削

 

Top business leaders are suffering from a flood of information. When leaders ask their secretaries to collect an information, they end up receiving a pile of documents that contain the information collected from the Internet or databases. Competent assistants are definitely needed to provide leaders with a one page summary that contains all the information matching the specified a specific key word from the leaders.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Top business leaders are suffering from a flood of information. When leaders ask their secretaries to collect information, they end up receiving a pile of documents that contain the information collected from the Internet or databases. Competent assistants are definitely needed to provide leaders with a one page summary that contains all the information matching a specific key word from the leaders.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 14 April 10

 

Nowadays, top executives of companies often suffer from information overload. If they ask their secretaries for information about a particular subject, they will find the secretaries getting back to them with huge quantities of raw data obtained from the internet or some other databases. Contemporary business society seems to be demanding competent assistants who can sift through enormous amounts of data and prepare a concise one-page summary relevant to the keyword given by their bosses.

 

添削

 

Nowadays, top executives of companies often suffer from information overload. If they ask their secretaries for information about a particular subject, they will find the secretaries getting back to them with huge quantities of raw data obtained from the internet or some other databases. What top executives1 need in Ccontemporary business society seems to be demanding are competent secretaries2 assistants who can sift through enormous amounts of data and prepare a concise one-page summary relevant to the keyword given by their bosses.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       前の文の主語を続けて使ったほうが、文章に統一があってわかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       日本文には秘書とアシスタントがでてきますが、先ずは秘書に任せましょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nowadays, top executives of companies often suffer from information overload. If they ask their secretaries for information about a particular subject, they will find the secretaries getting back to them with huge quantities of raw data obtained from the internet or some other databases. What top executives need in contemporary business society are competent secretaries who can sift through enormous amounts of data and prepare a concise one-page summary relevant to the keyword given by their bosses.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 16 December 08

 

It is inundation of information that top executives in business are concerned about these days. If they ask their secretaries for the information about a certain topic, the secretaries would pile up documents they gathered from the Internet and data bases on the desk. Competent assistants who can compile sufficient contents of the indicated keywords in a sheet of A4 paper are becoming essential to this business world.

 

添削

 

It is an inundation of information that top business executives in business are concerned about these days1. If they ask their secretaries for the information about a certain topic, the secretaries will2 would pile up documents they gathered from the Internet and data bases on the desk. What business executives need now3 are Ccompetent assistants who can compile sufficient contents for of the indicated given keywords in a sheet of A4 paper are becoming essential to this business world.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       日本文の内容を取って、These days, top business executives are inundated with information. と簡単にしても、次の文との関係から十分でしょう。

 

2.       実際にこのようなことを日常しているのでしょうから、willでよいです。

 

3.       このような文の構成にすると、大切な事柄が文の前に来ます。

 

添削後の文章

 

It is an inundation of information that top business executives are concerned about these days. If they ask their secretaries for the information about a certain topic, the secretaries will pile up documents they gathered from the Internet and data bases on the desk. What business executives need now are competent assistants who can compile sufficient contents for given keywords in a sheet of A4 paper.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(KAPPA 2008, 23 May 08

 

Now, business management have annoy about flood of information. Once they instruct their secretary to get information about a certain matter, the secretary answer with a lot of documents obtaining from internet or data bases. Now, an excellent assistant is demanding with skills producing a summary of the information in a A4 size of paper containing key words on the instruction. 

 

添削

 

Now, business management executives are have annoyed with about a flood of information1. Once they instruct their secretaryies to get information on about a certain subject matter, the secretary secretaries often come back answer with a lot of documents obtaininged from the internet or data bases. What business executives demand is Now, an excellent assistant is demanding with skills to producinge a summary of the information on in a single A4 -sized of paper containing key words in on the instruction2. 

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、構文上の問題があるのでわからないところがあります。

 

1.       business managementは経営者全体を指しますから、ここではbusiness executivesと個々の人間をさす言葉がよいでしょう。be annoyed with ~という受動態の表現になります。

 

2.       demandは他動詞ですからA demands B.となります。誰が何を要求しているか目的語が必要です。

 

添削後の文章

 

Now, business executives are annoyed with a flood of information. Once they instruct their secretaries to get information on a certain subject , the secretaries often come back with a lot of documents obtained from the internet or data bases. What business executives demand is an excellent assistant with skills to produce a summary of information on a single A4-sized paper containing key words in the instruction. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、25 October 07

 

It was by too much information that chief executive officers are annoyed. When these officers ask their secretaries to obtain certain information, almost secretaries only arrange many numbers of documents from the Internet, databases and so on in a pile on the desk. This world strongly needs such able secretaries that they have ability to condense documents including the required keyword into A4 paper.

 

添削

 

It was by too much information that cChief executive officers are annoyed with a pile of information they receive from their secretaries1. When these officers ask their secretaries to obtain certain information, almost the secretaries only arrange collect a large many numbers of documents from the Internet, databases and so on and in a pile them up on the desks of their chief executive officers. In Tthis competitive business world, chief executive officers strongly needs such able secretaries who can2 that they have ability to condense the contents of original documents including the required keywords into in one page of A4 paper.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、almost secretaries only arrangealmostの意味、 This world strongly needs such able secretaries that they have ability to condense documentsthat前と後ろの関係がわかりません。

 

1.       このようなキーセンテンスがよいでしょう。

 

2.       canと簡単に表現できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Chief executive officers are annoyed with a pile of information they receive from their secretaries. When these officers ask their secretaries to obtain certain information, the secretaries only collect a large number of documents from the Internet, databases and so on and pile them up on the desks of their chief executive officers. In this competitive business world, chief executive officers strongly need able secretaries who can condense the contents of original documents including required keywords in one page of A4 paper.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、20 September 07

 

Presidents in a company are now being worried about too many information. When they instruct their secretary to collect information on a certain matter they want, she gets a mountain of materials from the Internet or the database and heaps them on the desk. Presidents need capable assistants who can summarize the contents of materials containing keywords they specify on a sheet of paper with A 4 size.

 

添削

 

The top executives of Presidents in a companyies are now being worried about too many much information. When they instruct their secretaryies to collect information on a certain matter topic they want, the secretaries1 she gets a mountain of printed information materials from the Internet or the databases and heaps them on the desks of the top executives. The top executives Presidents need able capable assistants who can summarize the contents of materials that contain containing the keywords they specify on a sheet of A4 paper with A 4 size.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       秘書は女性とは限らないのでthe secretariesと繰り返すとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The top executives of companies are worried about too much information. When they instruct their secretaries to collect information on a certain topic, the secretaries get a mountain of printed information from the Internet or databases and heap them on the desks of the top executives. The top executives need able assistants who can summarize the contents of materials that contain the keywords they specify on a sheet of A4 paper.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、20 November 05

 

These days what annoys company executives is overflow of information. When an executive orders his secretary to get information about an issue, the secretary piles up all materials gathered from Internet, database, and others. Competent assistants who can put together indispensable information as an A4 size paper summary according to the indicated keywords are immensely required in today’s society.

 

添削

 

These days what annoys company executives is an overflow of information1. When an executive orders his secretary to get information about an issue, the secretary piles up all materials gathered from the Internet, databases, and others. Competent assistants who can put together indispensable essential2 information as on an A4 size paper3 summary according to the indicated a keywords are will be4 immensely required valuable in today’s society corporate world.

 

1.       情報過多information overflowという抽象名詞もあります。この場合は冠詞はつきません。an overflow of information ではoverflowが可算名詞になるので冠詞が必要になります。

 

2.       indispensable は「欠くことのできない」となるので、ここではessential information (中心的な情報、情報のエッセンス)とすると、情報の山から要点だけを取り出す、というようになります。

 

3.       on an A4 size paperA4用紙一枚に(要約して)ということがわかります。

 

4.       なかなかこのように有能なアシスタントはいないので、will be immensely valuableにしました。そうは簡単にこのようなアシスタントは見つからない、という含みがあります。

 

添削後の文章

 

These days what annoys company executives is an overflow of information. When an executive orders his secretary to get information about an issue, the secretary piles up all materials gathered from the Internet, databases, and others. Competent assistants who can put together essential information on an A4 size paper according to a keyword will be immensely valuable in today’s corporate world.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、8 November 05

 

What is bothering corporate top executives now is that they have to deal with too much information. When they instruct their secretaries to give them information on something, they end up seeing mountains of documents collected via the Internet or database being piled up on their desks. It has become absolutely necessary in today's world to have highly-competent secretaries who can wrap up information enough to serve as the answer to any given keyword in a sheet of a letter-size paper.

 

添削

 

What is bothering corporate top executives now is that they have to deal with too much information. When they instruct their secretaries to give them information on something, they end up with seeing mountains of documents collected via the Internet or other database being piled up dumped1 on their desks. It has become absolutely necessary in today's business world to have highly-competent highly competent secretaries who can summarize2 wrap up information enough to serve as the answer to on any given keyword in on a single sheet of a letter-size A43 paper.

 

コメント

 

1.       投稿のままでも良いですが、dumpedとすると机の上に文書の山がどさっと置かれた、という感じが伝わります。

 

2.       wrap up somethingは「物事を終わりにする」の他に「要約する、まとめる」の意味がありますが、オリジナルに意味を「物を包む」なので、ここでは紙との連想から「紙で情報を包む」という連想が生まれます。簡単なsummarizeが良いでしょう。

 

 

 

3.       レターサイズは、米国の規格サイズで、8.×11インチ(215.9×279.4mm)サイズ用紙のことを指します。日本で 一般的によく使われるA4サイズ(210×297mm)よりも幅が広く高さが低くなっています。レターサイズはカナダでも文書に使う標準サイズです。私の使っている日本のソフトウェアには印刷紙の選択にレターサイズが入っていないので、A4という紙が手に入らないカナダでは印刷に困るものがあります。

 

添削後の文章

 

What is bothering corporate top executives now is that they have to deal with too much information. When they instruct their secretaries to give them information on something, they end up with mountains of documents collected via the Internet or other database  dumped on their desks. It has become absolutely necessary in today's business world to have highly competent secretaries who can summarize information on any given keyword on a single sheet of A4 paper.

 

 

初級練習問題 222

 

長々と多くの情報を提示しては、読み手に説得力を与えることは出来ない。読み手はつねに簡潔で明確な文章を求めている。書き手は、伝えたい情報から書いていくことが大切である。

 

読者からの投稿 10(BURU, 20 October 16

 

For a writing technique, a writer will not be able to convince readers giving too much information with long sentences. The readers have always required the writer to show the simple and clear sentences. So, the writer needs to describe first what he wants to convey.

 

添削

 

For a writing technique, a writer will not be able to convince readers when1 he gives giving too much information in with long sentences. The readers have always required the writer to write in show the simple and clear sentences. So, the writer needs to describe first what he wants to convey the most first in his writing.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       修飾節にしたほうが内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

For a writing technique, a writer will not be able to convince readers when he gives too much information in long sentences. The readers always require the writer to write in simple and clear sentences. So, the writer needs to describe what he wants to convey the most first in his writing.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Lucca, 3 February 12

 

You cannot give a strong impact to readers if you stuff too much information into your writing. Readers appreciate a simple and clear massage. The point that you really want to convey must be stated at the very beginning when

 

添削

 

You cannot give a strong impact to readers if you stuff cram1 too much information into your writing. Readers appreciate a simple and clear massage sentence. The point that you really want to convey must be stated at the very beginning of your writing when you write.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       Stuff A with B, cram A into Bなので、ここではcramにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

You cannot give a strong impact to readers if you cram too much information into your writing. Readers appreciate a simple and clear sentence. The point that you really want to convey must be stated at the very beginning of your writing.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxomi, 14 April 10

 

If you give readers too much information in your writing, you will not be able to persuade them. Readers always expect clear and concise texts. Accordingly it is among other things important for writers to start with the information they want to convey most to make the message accomplish its purpose.

 

添削

 

If you give readers too much information in your writing, you will not be able to persuade them. Readers always expect clear and concise texts1. Accordingly it is among other things important for writers to start writing with the information they want to convey most to their readers make the message accomplish its purpose.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。この文章の内容にしたがって簡略にしてみました。

 

1.       文書一般の意味で使うtextは付加算名詞です。不思議な感じがしますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

If you give readers too much information in your writing, you will not be able to persuade them. Readers always expect clear and concise text. Accordingly it is important to start writing with the information they want to convey most to their readers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 2 January 09

 

It is impossible to persuade readers by giving a lot of information in redundant writing. Readers always need concise and clear writing. It is required that writers should write important information they want to tell readers first and foremost.

 

添削

 

It is impossible difficult1 to persuade readers if you by give them giving a lot of too much information in your redundant2 writing. Readers always need concise and clear writing. It is required that wWriters should start writeing with important information they want to tell readers first and foremost.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「読み手に説得力を与えることは出来ない。」は「読み手を説得することは難しい」という意味だとおもいます。

 

2.       redundant writingとすると 「書く事自体が必要ない、余計だ」となります。実際にこのようなものも多いと思いますが。

 

添削後の文章

 

It is difficult to persuade readers if you give them too much information in your writing. Readers always need concise and clear writing. Writers should start writing with  information they want to tell readers foremost.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(KAPPA 2008,  23 May 08

 

It is impossible to persuade readers by presenting a lot of information for a long time. Readers always demand concise and clear sentence. It is important for writers to start writing from the information which they want to tell most.

 

添削

 

It is impossible to persuade readers by presenting a lot of information for in a long wordy time writing1. Readers always demand concise and clear sentences. It is important for writers to start writing from the information which they want to tell their readers most.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       文章についてですがから、ここはin a wordy writingがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

It is impossible to persuade readers by presenting a lot of information in a wordy writing. Readers always demand concise and clear sentences. It is important for writers to start writing the information which they want to tell their readers most.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、26 October 07

 

To present your views persuasively, you should not elaborate on a certain subject at great length. Readers usually want to read a clear and concise composition. It is very important for you to start writing a composition from the vital information.

 

添削

 

To present your views persuasively in writing, you should not elaborate on a certain the subject too much1 at great length. Readers usually want to read a clear and concise composition. It is very important for you to start writing a composition from the vital information.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       一般的にはelaborate at great lengthは必要なことがありますから、ここではelaborate too muchがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

To present your view persuasively in writing, you should not elaborate the subject too much. Readers usually want to read a clear and concise composition. It is very important for you to start writing a composition from the vital information.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、20 September 07

 

It cannot persuade readers to present a large amount of information. Readers always ask brief and clear sentences. It is important that writers write in the order of information they want to tell.

 

添削

 

When you write, don’t It cannot persuade readers to present a large amount of information to your readers. Readers always ask brief and clear sentences. It is important that writers you start writing write in the order of information they that you want to tell your readers most.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかりますが、添削のようにyouを主語にすると効果的に内容が伝わります。

 

添削後の文章

 

When you write, don’t present a large amount of information to your readers. Readers always ask brief and clear sentences. It is important that you start writing in the order of information that you want to tell your readers most.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(さくら、20 November 05

 

It is difficult to persuade other people if you give them verbose and excessive information. Readers always demand simple and clear writing. Writers should write first and foremost what he mostly wants to convey.

 

添削

 

It is difficult to persuade other people readers1 if you give them verbose and excessive information in verbose writing. Readers always demand simple and clear writing. Writers should write first and foremost what he they2 mostly wants to convey most3.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の最初の文は文章の要点を伝えるキーセンテンスになることが多いので、ここでは「読み手」を入れておきましょう。

 

2.       主文の主語writersに合わせて複数形にします。

 

3.       They mostly want to convey.だて「大体において伝えたい」になってしまいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

It is difficult to persuade readers if you give them excessive information in verbose writing. Readers always demand simple and clear writing. Writers should write first and foremost what they want to convey most.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、15 November 05

 

You can hardly convince anyone if you give him too much wordy information to read.  Readers always require messages written in a clear and concise manner. Writers must realize the importance of beginning with whatever information they want to convey more than anything else.

 

添削

 

You can hardly convince anyone1 if you give him too much wordy information to read.  Readers always require messages written in a clear and concise manner. Writers must realize the importance of beginning with whatever information they want to convey more than anything else2.

 

コメント

 

1.       「説得力を与えることは出来ない」You can hardly convince anyoneという表現が適切でよいですね。

 

2.       beginning with the most important information they want to convey to their readers.とするとbeginning withthe most important informationが続いて印象が強くなると思います。

 

添削後の文章

 

添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 1(rio, 8 November 05

 

Too much information cannot convince readers. They always demand easy and simple sentences. It is important for writers to describe first what they want to tell.

 

添削

 

Too much information in writing1 cannot convince readers. They always demand easy and simple sentences. It is important for writers to start2 describeing first what they want to tell the readers most3.

 

コメント

 

1.       cannot convince readersとあるので「書いたもの」であることはわかりますが、Too much information in writingとすると、もっと明確になるでしょう。

 

2.       「書いていくこと(書き始めること)」は日本文の大切な情報なので、このようにするとよいでしょう。

 

3.       「伝えたい情報」は「最も伝えたい情報」のことなので、what they want to tell the readers most.とすると良いでしょう。mostが無いと、「まあ文章を書く以上、読者に伝えたいことは何かあるのだろう、だからこのアドバイスには何も中身が無い。」というコメントが出てきます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Too much information in writing cannot convince readers. They always demand easy and simple sentences. It is important for writers to start describing what they want to tell the readers most.

 

 

初級練習問題 223

 

対人間の良いコミュニケーションとは話すと聞くのバランスが取れていることです。話す側が一方的に話すだけのおしゃべりや、聞く側がただ黙っていて聞くだけではコミュニケーションになりません。聞く側は相手の話の内容を理解したかどうかを話す側に伝えなくてはなりません。聞いたら話す、この順番が入れ替わって会話が活発になり、良いコミュニケーションが成立します。

 

読者からの投稿 11(BURU, 20 October 16

 

The key of good communication among the people is said that we need to balance a speaking and a listening. We will not be able to make a communication if a person talks on and on or he only listens to others. The listener has to need to show something his reaction to the speaker whether he or she can understand the meaning. The quick response between the speaker and the listener will make an attractive conversation and also a good communication.

 

添削

 

The key of to good communications1 among the people is said that we need to balance a speaking and with a listening. We will not be able to make a good communications if a person talks on and on or he only listens to others. The listener has to need to show something his reaction to the speaker whether he or she can understand what the speaker is talking the meaning. The quick responses between the speaker and the listener will make an attractive interesting conversation and also a good communications.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       会話一般を指すときは複数形になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The key to good communications among people is said that we need to balance speaking with listening. We will not be able to make good communications if a person talks on and on or he only listens to others. The listener has to show his reaction to the speaker whether he or she can understand what the speaker is talking. The quick responses between the speaker and the listener will make an interesting conversation and also good communications.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(OKEN, 2 February 13

 

Good interpersonal communication is that there is a good balance between speaking and listening. Chatting in which one person talks one-sidedly or the other person just listen to him without any response is not a good communication. Listeners should convey to speakers whether they understand what speakers are talking about. One should speak after listening. This turns are replaced repeatedly and conversations become active, and this leads to a good communication.

 

添削

 

Good interpersonal communication is that there is a good balance between speaking and listening. Chatting in which one person talks one-sidedly and or the other person just listens to him without any response is not a good communication. Listeners should convey to speakers whether they understand what speakers are talking about. One should speak after listening. When Tthis process is turns are replaced repeatedly between persons, then and conversations become active, and this leads to a good communication.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。わかりやすい構成の文章です。

 

添削後の文章

 

Good interpersonal communication is that there is a good balance between speaking and listening. Chatting in which one person talks one-sidedly and the other person just listens  without any response is not a good communication. Listeners should convey to speakers whether they understand what speakers are talking about. One should speak after listening. When this process is repeated between persons, then conversations become active and  lead to a good communication.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Lucca, 8 February 12

 

Good communication is to strike a good balance between speaking and listening. Communication is not effective if you keep on speaking or you just listen without saying anything. After listening carefully, you have to tell your interlocutor whether you understand he/she clearly, and then you respond. An alternating role of speaker and listener makes your conversation lively and is unable you to have good communication.

 

添削

 

Good verbal communication between two people1 is to strike a good balance between speaking and listening. Communication is not effective if you keep on speaking or you just listen without saying anything. After listening carefully, you have to tell your interlocutor speaker whether you understand he/she clearly, and then you respond to what he/she says. An aAlternating a role between of a speaker and listener makes your conversation lively and is unable you to have good communication.

 

コメント

 

ほぼ総ての内容がわかりますが、最後のand is unable you to have good communicationのところがわかりません。日本文には「良いコミュニケーションが成立します」とありますが、英文ではこれは要らないとおもいます。

 

1.       このような補足説明を入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Good verbal communication between two people is to strike a good balance between speaking and listening. Communication is not effective if you keep on speaking or you just listen without saying anything. After listening carefully, you have to tell your speaker whether you understand he/she clearly, and then you respond to what he/she says. Alternating a role between a speaker and listener makes your conversation lively .

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 14 April 10

 

A good interpersonal communication calls for a right balance between speaking and listening. If one person unilaterally speaks the whole time or a person listens to a speaker in silence, it will not constitute communication. The listener should tell the speaker whether the speaker’s message has been understood. Once the listener has received the message from the speaker, then it is his turn next to send out his own message. As this process repeats, the conversation becomes lively and a good communication will be established.

 

添削

 

A gGood skills1 in interpersonal communications2 calls for a right balance between speaking and listening. If one person unilaterally keeps speaksing the whole time or a person listens to a speaker in silence, it will not constitute good communications. The listener should tell the speaker whether the speaker’s message has been understood. Once the listener has received the message from the speaker, then it is the listener’s his turn next to send out his own message. As this process is repeatsed, the conversation becomes lively and a good interpersonal communications will be established.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       good skillsとしたほうが具体的になるでしょう。

 

2.       a communicationcommunicationsは意味がことなります。ここではcommunicationsになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Good skills in interpersonal communications call for a right balance between speaking and listening. If one person unilaterally keeps speaking the whole time or a person listens to a speaker in silence, it will not constitute good communications. The listener should tell the speaker whether the speaker’s message has been understood. Once the listener has received the message from the speaker, then it is the listener’s turn to send his own message. As this process is repeated, the conversation becomes lively and good interpersonal communications will be established.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 3 January 09

 

A key of good communication with others is to strike a balance between speaking and listening. Speaking by one person and listening in silence by the other can't say as communicating well. The listener should tell the speaker whether he or she can understand what the speaker said. Listen, and then speak, this reciprocation activates conversation and leads to good communication.

 

添削

 

A The1 key to of good communication with others is to strike a balance between speaking and listening. Speaking by one person and listening in silence by the other doesn’t2 make up good can't say as communicationg well. The listener should tell the speaker whether he or she can understand what the speaker said is saying. Listen, and then speak, this reciprocation activates makes conversations lively and leads to good communication.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       会話に不可欠なことなのでthe keyがよいでしょう。

 

2.       speaking by one personが文の中にあるので、can’t sayと似たような単語(sayの本来の意味ではなく使用する)でないほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The key to good communication with others is to strike a balance between speaking and listening. Speaking by one person and listening in silence by the other doesn’t make up good communication. The listener should tell the speaker whether he or she can understand what the speaker is saying. Listen and then speak, this reciprocation makes conversations lively and leads to good communication.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(KAPPA 2008, 27 May 08

 

Good human communication means to keep balance between speaking and hearing. It is not well-communicated that one speaks the other one direction or one hears what the other speaks with silence. Listener have to tell the speaker whether or not he/she understands what the other speak. Listen and speak. Those exchange activates the conversation and build a good communication.

 

添削

 

Good human communication requires a means to keep balance between speaking and listening hearing. We cannot communicate well when It is not well-communicated that one person keeps speaksing and the other person just listens to him in one direction or one hears what the other speaks with silence1. The Llistener has have to tell the speaker whether or not he/she understands what the other speaker is saying. Listen and speak. Thoseis exchange activates the conversation and build a good communication.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが、二番目の文がわかり難いですね。

1.       二人の間のコミュニケーションと設定して、初めはone personthe other person二回目からは the speakerthe listenerとするとわかりやすくなるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Good communication requires a balance between speaking and listening. We cannot communicate well when one person keeps speaking and the other person just listens to him in silence. The listener has to tell the speaker whether or not he/she understands what the  speaker is saying. Listen and speak. This exchange activates the conversation and build a good communication.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、30 October 07

 

In order to communicate well with each other, you must keep a good balance between talking and listening in your conversation. Talking on and on without listening or listening on and on without talking can not deepen communication with others. You should represent to a speaker whether you can understand his or her talking or not. If you alternate talking with listening, you can have good communication with others.

 

添削

 

In order to communicate well with each other, you must keep a good balance between talking and listening in your conversation. Talking on and on without listening or listening on and on without talking can not deepen communication with others. You should represent to a speaker whether you can understand his or her talking or not. If you alternate talking with listening, you can have good communication with others.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。representrespondだろうと察しがつきます。. Talking on and on without listening or listening on and on without talking can not deepen communication with others.という表現がわかりやすいですね。

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、21 September 07

 

Good communication with people needs a proper balance between speaking and listening. It cannot establish good communication that a speaker one-sidedly speaks and a listener only listens without saying a word. Listeners should tell speakers whether listeners understood speaker's story or not. If one person listens to the other person's story, the other person should speak his opinion to one person. That this order is replacing alternately makes each other's conversation active and establish good communications.

 

添削

 

Good face-to-face communication with people needs a proper balance between speaking and listening. It cannot establish good communication that1 If a speaker one-sidedly speaks and a listener only listens without saying a word, then this does not establish good communication. The Llisteners should indicate tell to the speakers whether or not he listeners understood  understands what the speaker's is saying story or not. If one person listens to the other person's story, the other person should speak his opinion to one person. If two persons speak and listen to each other alternately, then this will make hat this order is replacing alternately makes each other's the conversation lively active and establish good communications between the two.2

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、It cannot establish good communication that ~. ではItthat節を示しているのですが、文を読む時にこの関係がしっくりしません。It ~ if ~.という形にするか、または添削のように順序を変えるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       That this order is replacing alternatelyのところは既に「話したら聞く」ことが前の文に出ているので内容が重複してかえってわかり難くなっています。

 

添削後の文章

 

Good face-to-face communication needs a proper balance between speaking and listening. If a speaker one-sidedly speaks and a listener only listens without saying a word, then this does not establish good communication. The listener should indicate to the speaker whether or not he understands what the speaker is saying. If two persons speak and listen to each other alternately, then this will make the conversation lively and establish good communication between the two.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(さくら、23 November 05

 

To have good communication with others, it is important to keep a balance of speaking and listening. If speaker talks unilaterally and listener just listens without saying any word, it can not be said that they are communicating well. Listener need to convey whether he understands what the speaker is saying. You must listen after speaking and you should speak after listening. To become a speaker and a listener alternatively makes conversation active and this will lead good communication.

 

添削

 

To have good communication with others, it is important to keep a balance of between speaking and listening. If a speaker talks unilaterally and the1 listener just listens without saying any word, it can not be said that they are communicating well. The Llistener needs to convey to the speaker whether he understands what the speaker is saying. You must listen after speaking and then you should must2 speak after listening. To become a speaker and a listener alternatively makes a conversation active lively and this will lead good communication.

 

コメント

 

1.       文の最初に出てくるa speakerの話を聞く人なので、文に初出でも特定の人なのでthe になります。

 

2.       You must listenとあるのでおなじ形でyou must speakがよいでしょう。you should speakとするとmust shouldに意味の差をつけているのかな、とおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

To have good communication with others, it is important to keep a balance between speaking and listening. If a speaker talks unilaterally and the listener just listens without saying any word, it can not be said that they are communicating well. The listener needs to convey to the speaker whether he understands what the speaker is saying. You must listen after speaking and then you must speak after listening. To become a speaker and a listener alternatively makes a conversation lively and will lead good communication.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、16 November 05

 

Good interpersonal communication means a good balance between talking and listening.  It does not constitute communication if one party does all the talking or listening. When you listen to someone talking, you must tell him whether you have understood him or not.  Listen and talk. If you take turns doing both of them, you will be able to have a lively conversation to achieve good communication with others.

 

添削

 

Good interpersonal communication means a good balance between talking speaking1 and listening. It does not constitute good communication if one party does all the talking speaking or listening. When you listen to someone talking speak, you must tell him whether you have understood him are following him2 or not. Listen and talk speak. If you take turns doing both of them, you will be able to have a lively conversation to achieve good communication with others.

 

1.       Collins-COBUILD speak talkについて次のように説明しています。

When you speak, you use voice in order to say something.

When you talk, you use spoken language to express your thoughts, ideas, or feelings.

When you talk to someone, you have a conversation with them. You can also say that two people talk.

 

speaktalkの最初の用例は似ているようですが、speakは単に「話すこと」、talkは「何かについて話すこと」のようです。またtalkの二番目の用例ではtalk自体に「会話をする」という意味があります。speak and listenは対になっているので、この練習問題ではspeakがよいでしょう。

 

2.       この文章の内容からすると、相手の言うことに相づちやちょっとしたコメントを挟む、という感じでしょう。「君の話は良くわかった、だが私の立場はこうだ。」というようなことと少し違うようにおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Good interpersonal communication means a good balance between speaking1 and listening. It does not constitute good communication if one party does all the speaking or listening. When you listen to someone  speak, you must tell him whether you are following him2 or not. Listen and  speak. If you take turns doing both of them, you will be able to have a lively conversation to achieve good communication with others.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(rio, 8 November 05

 

What a good communication with a person is that we have good balance between speaking and listening each other. We cannot communicate each other when a speaker only speak or a listener only listen silentry. As a listener, have to tell a speaker that whether he understood what a speaker say or not. We can make a conversation lively and have a good communication if we repeat again and again that when we listen something and then we speak something.

 

添削

 

What a gGood face-to-face1 communication with a person2 is that we have good balance between speaking and listening to each other. We cannot communicate each other well when a speaker only speaks or a listener only listens silentry silently. As a listener, we3 have to tell indicate4 to a the speaker that whether or not5 he we understood understand6 what a the speaker says or not. We can make a conversation lively and have a good communication if we repeat the process of speaking and listening7 again and again that when we listen something and then we speak something.

 

コメント

 

1.       日本文で「対人間」と言っているのは、相手と向かい合って話をする場合のことなので、face-to-face communicationとするとはっきりします。

 

2.       What good face-to-face communication constitute is ~というようにwhat節はそれ自体が主語と動詞を持っていることが必要です。このようにするか、それとも添削のようにGood face-to-face communication is that ~.と簡単にしてよいでしょう。

 

3.       As a listenerは修飾句なので、文の主語が必要ですね。前の文でweといっているので、ここでも主語をwe に出来ます。

 

4.       話し手の言っていることを理解していることを示すには相づちや表情などいろいろは方法があるのでtell ではなくもっと一般的なindicateにしました。

 

5.       whether A or notの構文ではAの部分が長いと、文の最後にor notがちょんとついた形になって文のバランスが悪くなります。whether or not ~とするか、またはor notを省略してwhetherだけにしたほうが良いでしょう。

 

6.       文の前方の動詞がindicateと現在形なので、ここも現在形にしてよいです。

 

7.       「聞いたら話す、この順番が入れ替わって会話が活発になり」はどういうように英文で表現したらよいか迷いますね。rioさんのように「聞いては話すを繰り返す」と表現すると「順番が入れ替わる」ことが読者に伝わりますね。repeat は他動詞なのでwe repeat A Aのところに目的語が必要です。We repeat the process that we listen and then we speak.としても良いでしょう。that 説はthe process の説明になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Good face-to-face communication is that we have good balance between speaking and listening to each other. We cannot communicate well when a speaker only speaks or a listener only listens silently. As a listener, we have to indicate to the speaker whether or not5 we understand what the speaker says. We can make a conversation lively and have good communication if we repeat the process of speaking and listening again and again.

 

 

初級練習問題 224

 

話を聞くときにうなづく人はたくさんいます。しかし、うなづいてさえいれば話し手は満足かというと、そうとは言い切れません。声に出して相づちを打つことが必要なのです。こうすれば、話し手にとってはまことに頼りがいのある聞き手と映って、話すことが楽しくなります。

 

読者からの投稿 9(26 October 16

 

There are many people to nod to others when they listen to talk. However, we cannot say that the listener’s nod means whether he agreed to the speaker. The listener needs to voice the others with the nod. Accordingly, the speaker may think that the listener is a reliable person because the listener is try to listen the speaker seriously. This way will be enjoyed us our talking

 

添削

 

There are many people to who nod to others when they listen to them talk. However, we cannot say tell that the listener’s nodding means whether or not he agreesd to with the speaker. The listener needs to voice his agreement the others with the his nodding. Then Accordingly, the speaker can may think that the listener is a reliable person because the listener is trying to listen to the speaker seriously. In Tthis way, we will be enjoyeding  us our talking to each other.

 

コメント

 

内容が推測できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

There are many people who nod to others when they listen to them. However, we cannot tell that the listener’s nodding means whether or not he agrees with the speaker. The listener needs to voice his agreement with his nodding. Then, the speaker can think that the listener is a reliable person because the listener is trying to listen to the speaker seriously. In this way, we will be enjoying talking to each other.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(Lucca, 10 February 12

 

Many people nod when they listen to others, but just nodding is not good enough to make speakers happy. You have to respond to a speaker in words instead of merely nodding. In doing so, the speaker finds you an interesting listener and enjoys conversing with you.

 

添削

 

Many people nod when they listen to others, but just nodding is not good enough to make speakers happy. You have to respond to a speaker in words instead of merely nodding. If you do so, In doing so1, the speaker finds you an interesting listener and enjoys conversing with you.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       In doing soでは、この修飾節の主語が曖昧なので、添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Many people nod when they listen to others, but just nodding is not good enough to make speakers happy. You have to respond to a speaker in words instead of merely nodding. If you do so, the speaker finds you an interesting listener and enjoys conversing with you.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 14 April 10

 

We see lots of people nod when they listen to others. But nodding alone does not necessarily satisfy speakers. Particularly important is for listeners to occasionally give them words of empathy while nodding. That way, the listeners are perceived by them as avid and truly reliable listeners and make them feel happy to continue the conversation.

 

添削

 

We see lots of people nod when they listen to others. But nodding alone does not necessarily satisfy speakers. Particularly important is for listeners to Listeners must occasionally give them speakers words of empathy while nodding1. That way,Then the speakers recognize2 listeners are perceived by them as avid and truly reliable persons listeners and make them feel happy to continue the conversations.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       このほうが簡潔な表現になるでしょう。

 

2.       受動態は「誰が誰に何をしたのか」分かり難いので能動態にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

We see lots of people nod when they listen to others. But nodding alone does not necessarily satisfy speakers. Listeners must occasionally give speakers words of empathy while nodding. Then speakers recognize listeners as avid and truly reliable persons and  feel happy to continue conversations.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 4 January 09

 

Many people often nod when they listen to others. But the speaker would not be necessarily satisfied if only the listener nods. The listener should sometimes nod with responsive words. In this way, the speaker is encouraged by the listener and enjoys speaking.

 

添削

 

Many people often nod when they listen to others. But the speaker is not1 would not be necessarily satisfied with the conversation2 if only the listener just nods. The listener should sometimes nod with responsive words. In this way, the speaker is encouraged by the listener and enjoys speaking.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       日常一般的な現象の記述なので現在形でよいでしょう。

 

2.       「話し手は満足かというと」で英文では一般的に「何に満足か」という疑問に答えなければなりません。ここでは会話にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Many people often nod when they listen to others. But the speaker is not necessarily satisfied with the conversation if the listener just nods. The listener should sometimes nod with responsive words. In this way, the speaker is encouraged by the listener and enjoys speaking.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(KAPPA 2008, 27 May 08

 

There are many people who nod whenever they listen. However, nodding does not mean satisfaction to all the speakers. It needs to nod with voice. It is enjoyable for speakers to learn the listeners are really reliable.

 

 

添削

 

There are mMany people who nod whenever they listen to others. However, nodding alone does not mean give satisfaction to all the speakers. You It needs to nod with occasional phrases voice. Then, the speaker knows that you are listening to him and finds the conversation with you enjoyable It is enjoyable for speakers to learn the listeners are really reliable1.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、However, nodding does not mean satisfaction to all the speakers. は「聞き手がうなづいても、話しても誰もがこれを聞き手が満足している印とは受け取らない」という意味になります。It needs to nod with voice.ではitが何をさすかわかりません。添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

 

1.       投稿のままでもよいですが、内容を拡張してわかりやすくしてみました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Many people nod when they listen to others. However, nodding alone does not give satisfaction to all speakers. You need to nod with occasional phrases. Then, the speaker knows that you are listening to him and finds the conversation with you enjoyable.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、31 October 07

 

Many people often nod during listening or hearing someone's saying. If you nod at a speaker in conversation, the speaker sometimes dose not feel comfortable with you because the speaker wants you to listen to him or her occasionally throwing in an appropriate word. Throwing in an appropriate word could let a speaker feel very comfortable and might let you be able to have amusing conversation.

 

添削

 

Many people often nod during while listening to others1 or hearing someone's saying. If you just nod, however, at a speaker in conversation, a the speaker sometimes2 dose not feel comfortable. with you because tThe speaker wants you to listen to him or her occasionally throwing in an appropriate words. Then, Throwing in an appropriate word could let a the speaker feels very comfortable because he knows that you are paying attention to him3 and the speaker and you can enjoy might let you be able to have amusing conversations more4.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       listen意識して聞く、hear 聞こえてくる、なので、ここではlistenだけでよいです。

 

2.       「そうとは言い切れません」とあり、the speaker sometimes does not feel comfortable(大部分の時は満足しているが、時には満足しない)またはthe speaker does not necessarily feel comfortableで日本文の意味が表現できます。しかし、日本文にはこのようなぼかした表現をよく使いますが、英文では先ずはっきりと言い切る練習をするとよいとおもいます。

 

3.       このような説明が入ると内容がよくわかります。

 

4.       投稿の文では「話し手はあなたにもっと面白い会話をできる機会を与えてくれるかもしれない」となっていますが、日本文では「話すことが楽しくなります。」となっているので、日本文の内容に合わせました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Many people often nod while listening to others. If you just nod, however, a speaker dose not feel comfortable. The speaker wants you to occasionally throw in appropriate words. Then, the speaker feels comfortable because he knows that you are paying attention to him  and the speaker and you can enjoy conversations more.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、21 September 07

 

There are many people who give a nod while someone is speaking. But we do not necessarily think that speakers are satisfied with listeners if they give only a nod. It is necessary that uttering words, listeners give a nod. As speakers can feel them to be a good listener by this, they can enjoy talking.

 

添削

 

There are mMany people1 who give a nod while listening to others someone is speaking. But we do not necessarily think that speakers2 are not necessarily satisfied with listeners if they only receive give only a nod. Besides making a nod, listeners should It is necessary that uttering some words to encourage speakers. Then,  listeners give a nod. As speakers can feel them that they have to be a good listeners by this, they can and enjoy talking.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、文章の流れが滞るような感じです。. It is necessary that ~. というようなIt ~ that ~ 構文は文の流れを遅くします。内容を言い換えて、なるべく使わないようにするとよいでしょう。

 

1.       There are many people who give a nod. よりMany people give a nod. のほうが分かりやすい構文です。

 

2.       we do not necessarily think that speakers ~.Speakers do not necessarily ~.としたほうが分かりやすくなります。また、weの意味の曖昧さがなくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Many people nod while listening to others. But speakers are not necessarily satisfied with listeners if they only receive a nod. Besides making a nod, listeners should utter some words to encourage speakers. Then, speakers can feel that they have good listeners and enjoy talking.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(さくら、23 November 05

 

Many people nod while a speaker is talking. But only nodding can not always satisfy the speaker. It is required to utter any sympathetic words or sounds as well as nodding. If the speaker gets such a response, he finds having a reliable audience and this makes him happy and encourages talking.

 

添削

 

Many people nod while a speaker is talking. But only nodding only can not always satisfy the speaker. It The listener1 is required to utter any sympathetic words or sounds as well as nodding. If the speaker gets such a response, he finds that he has having2 a reliable audience listener and this makes him feels happy and encouragesd talking to talk3.

 

コメント

 

1.       The listenerとしたほうが内容がはっきりします。

 

2.       he finds having a reliable listenerとするとfindが他動詞なのでhaving a reliable listenerが目的語になってしまいます。もしこの文型を使うなら、he finds having a reliable listener satisfying and ~(話しては、頼れる聞き手を持つことを満足だと思う、そして)となります。

 

3.       he feels encouraged to talk (話すことを元気づけられたと感じる、元気づけられて話す)とすると主語が同じになり文がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Many people nod while a speaker is talking. But nodding only can not always satisfy the speaker. The listener is required to utter any sympathetic words or sounds as well as nodding. If the speaker gets such a response, he finds that he has a reliable listener and  feels happy and encouraged to talk.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、18 Nov 05

 

A lot of people nod when they listen to others speak. However, nodding is not all that is needed to satisfy speakers. It is necessary to respond aloud on and off. This gives speakers an impression that they are speaking to listeners they can really count on, and speakers find it enjoyable to speak.

 

添削

 

A lot of people nod when they listen to others speak. However, nodding is not all that is needed to satisfy speakers1. It is necessary to verbally respond aloud on and off form time to time. This gives speakers an impression that they are speaking to listeners they can really count on, and speakers find it enjoyable to speak.

 

コメント

 

1.       「うなづいてさえいれば話し手は満足かというと、そうとは言い切れません。」をHowever, nodding is not all that is needed to satisfy speakers. is not allと部分否定になりますから、日本文のニュアンスと対応していて上手な表現ですね。「うなづいてさえいれば話し手を満足できます。」という時には、Nodding is all you need to satisfy a speaker. と能動態で表現できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

A lot of people nod when they listen to others. However, nodding is not all that is needed to satisfy speakers. It is necessary to verbally respond form time to time. This gives speakers an impression that they are speaking to listeners they can really count on and find it enjoyable to speak.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(rio, 10 November 05

 

Many people are listening with a nod. However, it is not true that we can satisfy a speaker only if we give him a nod silently. We should answer with words. Then a speaker considers that he can trust us very much to speak and he enjoys talking with us.

 

添削

 

Many people nod when they1 are listening to others with a nod. However, it is not true that we can satisfy a speaker only2 if we give him a silent nods silently. We should answer respond3 to the speaker with encouraging words. Then a the speaker considers that he can trust us as reliable listeners4 very much to speak and he enjoys talking with us.

 

コメント

 

1.       口語体の文章は英文で表現しようとすると、文語体の文章より難しいですね。口語体はこなれた言い回しなのでいろいろな意味が含まれていて、この状況ではどの意味なのかと迷うからです。「〜の人がたくさんいます。」をmany people do ~という英文で表現したのはよいですね。There are many people who do ~.という言い方よりも標準的な言い方です。この文では「うなづく」が大事ですから、これを主文の動詞にするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       onlyをこの位置に置くと「うたづいた時だけに話して手を満足させるとはいえない。」というわからない内容になります。onlyを除いて「うなづけば話し手が満足するとはいえない。」とするかIt is not true that we can always satisfy the speaker if we give him silent nods.「うなづけば、いつでも話し手を満足させるとはいえない。」とするとよいでしょう。

 

3.       answerというと話しての質問に答えているようにもなるので、respond to the speakerと話し手に反応する、としたほうがよいでしょう。

 

4.       話し手が聞き手を人間として信頼する、というより、「話しがいのある聞き手」ということでしょうから、reliable listenersにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Many people nod when they are listening to others. However, it is not true that we can satisfy a speaker if we give him silent nods. We should respond to the speaker with encouraging words. Then the speaker considers that he can trust us as reliable listeners  and enjoys talking with us.

 

 

初級練習問題 225

 

米国では一日に10万人が何らかのスピーチをする、といわれています。スピーチは社会生活に必要な一つの技術(Art)として認められ、学校でも教えられています。またスピーチが上手の出来る人は人間として優れた能力を持っている証明であるとさえ認識されています。

 

読者からの投稿 10(BURU, 26 October 16

 

In the U.S., it is said that there are 100,000 people to make some speeches in one day. The speech was acknowledged the country one of the necessary arts in the social life. Therefore the speech has been taught in the school. And also, people who can make a speech well are believed public that they have an impressive ability.

 

添削

 

In the U.S., it is said that there are 100,000 people to who make some speeches in one day. The Making a speech is was acknowledged in the United States the country as one of the necessary arts in the social life. Therefore, making speech the speech has been taught at in the school1. And also, people who can make a speech well are believed public that they have excellent abilities to do things in society2 an impressive ability.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       at school で「学校教育で」という意味になります。

 

2.       「人間として優れた能力を持っている」が抽象的なので、英文では少し具体的にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

In the U.S., it is said that there are 100,000 people who make some speeches in one day.  Making a speech is acknowledged in the United States as one of the necessary arts in the social life. Therefore, making speech has been taught at school. And also, people who can make a speech well are believed that they have excellent abilities to do things in society.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Lucca, 15 February 12

 

The total of hundred thousand people make some sort of speech every day in the US. As the art of speech is recognized necessary for the social life, people learn speechmaking techniques at school. Also, a person who can deliver an effective speech is considered to be very talented.

 

添削

 

The total of One hundred thousand people are makeing1 some sorts of speeches every day in the US. As the art of speech is well recognized as the skills necessary for the social life, people learn speechmaking techniques at school. Also, a person who can deliver an effective speech is considered to be a person with excellent abilities very talented.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       進行形にすると臨場感がでます。

 

添削後の文章

 

One hundred thousand people are making some sorts of speeches every day in the US. As the art of speech is well recognized as the skills necessary for social life, people learn speechmaking techniques at school. Also, a person who can deliver an effective speech is considered to be a person with excellent abilities .

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 14 April 10

 

As many as one hundred thousand people in the US are said to give a speech of some sort everyday. Being able to deliver a speech is considered to be an art essential to getting along in society and hence is taught school. In fact, to be a good speaker is generally recognized as a proof of having an outstanding ability as a person.

 

添削

 

As many as one hundred thousand people in the US are said to give a speech of some sort everyday. Being able to deliver a speech is considered to be an art essential to getting along in society and hence is taught at school. In fact, to be a good speaker is generally recognized as a proof of having an outstanding ability as a person.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。

 

添削後の文章

 

As many as one hundred thousand people in the US are said to give a speech of some sort everyday. Being able to deliver a speech is considered to be an art essential to getting along in society and hence is taught at school. In fact, to be a good speaker is generally recognized as a proof of having an outstanding ability as a person.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 5 January 09

 

One hundred thousand of people in the US are said to make some kinds of speech every day. Speech is acknowledged as one of arts required for social life and is taught at school in the US. Being good at making a speech is even recognized as proof for a competent person.

 

添削

 

The total of1 Oone hundred thousand of people in the US are said to make some kinds of speeches every day. Making a Sspeech2 is acknowledged as one of arts required for social life and is taught at school in the US. Being good at making a speech is even recognized as proof for a competent person.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。簡潔な文章ですね。

 

1.       数字が文の始めに来ると内容がわかりにくいので、こんなおまけをつけるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       「スピーチをすること」making a speechとするとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The total of one hundred thousand people in the US are said to make some kinds of speeches every day. Making a speech is acknowledged as one of arts required for social life and is taught at school in the US. Being good at making a speech is even recognized as proof for a competent person.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(KAPPA 2008, 29 May 08

 

It is reported that 100,000 people make some speech every day in the United States, Speech is accepted as an essential art necessary for the social life and is taught in school. It is even recognized that who makes a good speech has an excellent ability as the human with certainty.

 

添削

 

It is reported that 100,000 people make some kinds of speeches every day in the United States, Making a Sspeech is accepted as an essential art necessary for the social life and is taught in school. It is even recognized that those who can makes a good speech also possess has other an excellent abilityies as the human with certainty.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。「人間として優れた能力を持っている」は内容がわからないですね。「いろいろな能力がある」と一般的なことを言っているのか、「人間として信頼できる」ということを含んでいるかはっきりしません。添削では最初の方の解釈にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

It is reported that 100,000 people make some kinds of speeches every day in the United States, Making a speech is accepted as an essential art necessary for the social life and is taught in school. It is even recognized that those who can make a good speech also possess other excellent abilities.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、1 November 07

 

One hundred thousand people reportedly make a speech of something in the united states a day. Speech is recognized as one of the most important art in a community and is taught at school. Those who have the good ability to make a speech could be, moreover, admitted to be a talented person.

 

添削

 

One hundred thousand people reportedly make a speech of something some sort in the uUnited sStates a day. Speech is recognized as one of the most important social skills art in a community and is taught at school. Those who have the good ability to make a speech is regarded as could be, moreover, admitted to be a talented person.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。カナダでも事情は同じです。人前で話すのが苦手の人が仲間と一緒にスピーチの練習をするInternational Toastmasters Clubという世界組織があり、人口100万のエドモントン市には50近くのクラブがあって毎週、または隔週に例会を開いています。わたしも4年ほどクラブの会員でしたがとても勉強になりました。

 

添削後の文章

 

One hundred thousand people reportedly make a speech of some sort in the United States a day. Speech is recognized as one of the most important social skills and is taught at school. Those who have the good ability to make a speech is regarded as a talented person.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、22 September 07

 

It is said that a hundred thousand people per day make some sort of speeches in America. As a speech is recognized as one of arts needed in the social life, it is being taught at school. They also consider people who can make a good speech to be a capable man.

 

添削

 

It is said that1 a One hundred thousand people per day make some sort of speeches in America every day. As making a speech is recognized as one of arts needed in the social life, it is being taught at school. They American people2 also consider regard people who can make a good speech to be a capable man.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「〜といわれている」という言い方はよくありますが、特に情報を追加している言い方ではないので、英文では省略してよいでしょう。

 

2.       文章にAmericaが既出ですが、添削のようにするとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

One hundred thousand people make some sort of speeches in America every day. As making a speech is recognized as one of arts needed in the social life, it is taught at school. American people regard people who can make a good speech to be a capable man.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(さくら、27 December 05

 

It is said that about a hundred thousand people give speeches in a day in the United States. Giving a speech is recognized as a required art in the social life and manners of speech are taught in schools. It is even taken that ability to deliver a good speech proves that the person has an excellent talent as a human being.

 

添削

 

It is said that about a hundred thousand people give speeches in a day in the United States. Giving a speech is recognized as a required art in the social life and manners of speech are taught in schools. It is even taken that ability to deliver a good speech proves that the person has an excellent talent as a human being.

 

コメント

 

添削箇所はありません。わかりやすい文章ですね。

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、18 November 05

 

It is said that ten thousand people make a speech about something or other in the US every day. Making a speech is considered one of the arts necessary in social life and is taught at school. There is even recognition that being a good speaker is a proof that he is blessed with superior ability we all aspire to have.

 

添削

 

It is said that ten thousand people make a speech about something or another in the US every day. Making a speech is considered one of the arts necessary in for social life and is taught at school. There is even recognition that being a good speaker is a proof that he is blessed with superior ability we all aspire to have1.

 

コメント

 

1.       この補足説明がついているのがよいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

It is said that ten thousand people make a speech about something or another in the US every day. Making a speech is considered one of the arts necessary for social life and is taught at school. There is even recognition that being a good speaker is proof that he is blessed with superior ability we all aspire to have.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(rio, 10 November 05

 

Some people say that a hundred thousand persons make a every kind of speech in America. They regard it as a kind of skill (art) which they need for a social life and they are taught in a school. They also consider that they can show their great ability as a person to give a good speech.

 

添削

 

Some people say It is said1 that a hundred thousand persons make a every kind of speech of one kind or another every day in America. They American people2 regard it making a speech3 as a kind of skill (art form) which they need for a social life and they are taught teach it4 in a at school5. They also consider that they can show their great ability as a person to by giveing6 a good speech.

 

コメント

 

1.       「〜といわれています。」はThey say that ~, または It is said that ~という常套節がありますが、「出展は覚えていないが、〜と聞いている。」ということを文に加えても内容が増加するわけでもないので、They say that, It is said thatは省略してよいでしょう。

 

2.       前の文からtheyがアメリカ人とわかりますが、American peopleと明確にしたほうが読者に親切です。

 

3.       短い文でも代名詞はなるべく使わないほうが内容が明確になります。

 

4.       「スピーチは社会生活に欠かせないから、学校で教える」としたほうが、論理的につながりがはっきりします。

5.       at schoolは「勉強をする場所としての学校で」という意味で、冠詞無しの使いますね。

 

6.       「良いスピーチをすることによって」という意味ではby giving a good speechになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

It is said that a hundred thousand persons make a speech of one kind or another every day in America. American people regard making a speech as a skill (art form) which they need for a social life and teach it at school. They also consider that they can show their great ability as a person by giving a good speech.

 

 

初級練習問題 226

 

人を引き付けるスピーチをしたいならば、先ず自己中心的な考えを捨てて、聞く側の立場とニーズを念頭においてスピーチを考えなければいけませんん。

 

読者からの投稿 9(BURU, 28 October 16

 

If you want to make an engaging speech, you have to drop your egoistic idea first. And then, you also have to consider your speech including a listener’s status and his requirement.

 

添削

 

If you want to make an engaging speech, you have to drop your egoistic idea first and1. And then, you also have to compose consider your speech including a considering your listeners positions status and his requirements.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       内容が密接に関連しているので一つの文にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

If you want to make an engaging speech, you have to drop your egoistic idea first. And then, you also have to consider your speech including a listener’s status and his requirement.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(Lucca, 15 February 12

 

If you would like to make an effective speech, you should stop thinking from your own perspective, but rather you put yourself in your listener's side and consider the needs of the listeners.

 

添削

 

If you would like to make an effective speech, you should stop thinking from your own perspective, but rather you put yourself in your listener's side and consider the needs of the listeners.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

If you would like to make an effective speech, you should stop thinking from your own perspective, but rather you put yourself in your listeners’ side and consider the needs of the listeners.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 18 April 10

 

If you want to deliver a good speech, you have to completely abandon your self-centered perspective and to structure your speech in light of listeners’ point of view and interests.

 

添削

 

If you want to deliver a good speech, you have to completely abandon your self-centered perspective and to structure your speech in light of listeners’ point of view and interests.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 6 January 09

 

If you want to deliver an attractive speech to listeners, at first you should throw away your self-centered concern and think your speech from the viewpoint of the listeners to meet their needs.

 

添削

 

If you want to deliver an attractive speech to listeners, at first1 you should throw away your self-centered concern and compose think your speech from the viewpoint of the listeners to meet their needs.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       日本文には「先ずは」とありますが、内容的には必要ないので英文では省略しました。

 

添削後の文章

 

If you want to deliver an attractive speech to listeners, you should throw away your self-centered concern and compose your speech from the viewpoint of the listeners to meet their needs.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(KAPPA 2008, 29 May 08

 

If you make an attractive speech, you have to produce a speech in consideration with the standpoint and needs of the listeners throwing away self-centered thinking.

 

添削

 

If you want to make an attractive speech, you have to throw away self-centered thinking and consider a speech that will meet your listeners’ needs produce a speech in consideration with the standpoint and needs of the listeners throwing away self-centered thinking.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、内容の相互関係がはっきりしません。添削のように内容を分かて順々に説明するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

If you want to make an attractive speech, you have to throw away self-centered thinking and consider a speech that will meet your listeners’ needs .

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、2 November 07

 

If you want to make a attractive speech, you must think the feelings or desires of others without being egocentric.

 

添削

 

If you want to make an attractive speech, you must first think what your audience wants to hear from you and not what you want to tell your audience the feelings or desires of others without being egocentric.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。添削は内容を具体的に言い直してみました。

 

添削後の文章

 

If you want to make an attractive speech, you must first think what your audience wants to hear from you and not what you want to tell your audience .

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、22 September 07

 

If you want to make an attractive speech for people, you should abandon a self-centered idea and consider the speech with listeners' position and needs in mind.

 

添削

 

If you want to make an attractive speech for people, you should abandon a self-centered idea and consider the needs of your listeners the speech with listeners' position and needs in mind.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかりますが、with listeners’ positionsというと聞き手の社会的な位置(社長に話すのか社員にはなすのか)という印象になります。日本文を見ると「聞く側の立場」とありますが、この文脈では単に「聞く人のニーズを考えて」だけでよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

If you want to make an attractive speech, you should abandon a self-centered idea and consider the needs of your listeners.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、27 December 05

 

If you want to give an attractive speech, you should first throw away your selfish way of thinking and then try to make your speech focusing on listeners’ position and requests.

 

添削

 

If you want to give an attractive speech, you should first throw away your selfish way of thinking and then try to make your speech focusing on listeners’ position situations and requests needs1.

 

コメント

 

1.       「聞く側の立場とニーズ」は曖昧な表現ですが、positionは「社会的な役職」という意味もあるのでここではsituations and needsにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

If you want to give an attractive speech, you should first throw away your selfish way of thinking and then try to make your speech focusing on listeners’ situations and needs.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、19 November 05

 

If you want to make a speech that attracts people's attention, first avoid being self-centered, and draft the speech, keeping in mind your listeners' positions and needs.

 

添削

 

If you want to make a speech that attracts people's attention, first avoid being self-centered, and draft the speech, keeping in mind your listeners' positions and needs.

 

コメント

 

日本文の内容が全部入っている英文ですね。少し内容を簡単にして、英文を短くするにはどうしますか?

 

添削後の文章

 

添削箇所はありません。

 

 

初級練習問題 227

 

聞き手にわかりやすく話すにはどうしたらよいでしょうか。まず、短いセンテンスで話すことです。考えが整理されていないとセンテンスは長くなってわかり難くなります。一つのセンテンスに幾つもの情報を入れると長くなって、やはり聞き手にとってわかり難くなります。

 

読者からの投稿 9(BURU, 28 October 16

 

What do you think how to talk to a listener who is easy to understand a speaker? Firstly, the speaker needs to talk to the listener with a short sentence. If the speaker doesn’t order his speech, his sentence is likely to be long. Normally, the long sentence is difficult to catch its meaning for the listener. Secondly, included too much information in one sentence is also difficult to understand the meaning to the listener.

 

添削

 

How can you What do you think how to talk to a listener so that your listener who can understand you is easy easily to understand a speaker? Firstly, you have to speak the speaker needs to talk to the listener with a in short sentences. When you If the speaker doesn’t don’t order the contents of your his speech, your his sentence is likely to be long. Normally, the a long sentence is difficult for the listener to catch its meaning for the listener. Secondly, includeding too much information in one sentence is also difficult to understand its the meaning to the listener.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

How can you talk to a listener so that your listener can understand you easily ? Firstly, you have to speak in short sentences. When you don’t order the contents of your speech, your  sentence is likely to be long. Normally, a long sentence is difficult for the listener to catch its meaning. Secondly, including too much information in one sentence is also difficult to understand its meaning.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(Lucca, 15 February 12

 

How can you make your speech understandable? The first thing you should do is to keep your sentences short. If you have trouble thinking clearly, your sentences get long and difficult to understand. Once you put a lot of information in one sentence, the sentence increasingly becomes incomprehensible.

 

添削

 

How can you make your speech easy to understand understandable1? The first thing you should do is to keep your sentences short. If you have trouble thinking clearly, your sentences tend to get long and difficult to understand. Also Once if you put a lot of information in one sentence, the sentence increasingly becomes difficult to understand incomprehensible.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       わかりやすいか、分かり難いか、の程度のことをいっているのでeasy to understand, difficult to understandとするとよいでしょう。まあ実際にはincomprehensibleなスピーチもありますが。

 

添削後の文章

 

How can you make your speech easy to understand? The first thing you should do is to keep your sentences short. If you have trouble thinking clearly, your sentences tend to get long and difficult to understand. Also if you put a lot of information in one sentence, the sentence  becomes difficult to understand .

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 18 April 10

 

How can we make our speech easily understood by listeners? The best way to achieve their immediate understanding is to keep our sentence short. Our sentence tends to become long when our thoughts are not clearly sorted out or when more than one thought is included therein. In either case, a long sentence makes our speech become difficult for listeners to follow.

 

添削

 

How can we make our speech easily understood by listeners? The best way to achieve their immediate understanding1 this is to keep our sentences short. Our sentences tends to become longer2 when our thoughts are not clearly sorted out or when more than one thought is included therein. In either case, a long sentence makes a our speech become more2 difficult for listeners to follow.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       前の文の内容を言い直して繰り返すと、かえってわかり難くなります。

 

2.       口語体の文章なので、longer, moreだけで比較の対称な読者に想像してもらう比較級を使用してもよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

How can we make our speech easily understood by listeners? The best way to achieve this is to keep sentences short. Our sentences tend to become longer when our thoughts are not clearly sorted out or when more than one thought is included. In either case, a long sentence makes a speech more difficult for listeners to follow.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(klk, 8 January 08

 

How can we speak in a way that is easy for listeners to understand? First of all, to speak in short sentences is important. In case that thoughts are not organized, the sentences tend to become long and consequently it is difficult to understand. If we include a number of information in one sentence, the sentence would become long and it would be again hard for listeners to understand.

 

添削

 

How can we speak in a way that is easy for listeners to understand? First of all, to speak in short sentences is important. When our1 In case that thoughts are not organized, the sentences tend to become long and consequently are2 it is difficult to understand. If we include a number of information in one sentence, the sentence would becomes long and it would be is again hard for listeners to understand.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       前の文でhow can we ~と言っているので、ここもour thoughtsとするのがよいでしょう。

 

2.       the sentences are difficult to understandと続けたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

How can we speak in a way that is easy for listeners to understand? First of all, to speak in short sentences is important. When our thoughts are not organized, the sentences tend to become long and consequently are difficult to understand. If we include a number of information in one sentence, the sentence becomes long and is again hard for listeners to understand.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(KAPPA 2008, 31 May 08

 

How shall we speak to have the listeners easily understand. At first, you have to speak with short sentences. If your thinking is not sorted, your sentences tend to be long and will be difficult to understand. If you input much information in a sentence, it becomes hard for the listeners to understand.

 

添削

 

How shall can we speak in a way that is easy to have the listeners easily to understand.? First of all At first, you have to speak in with short sentences. If your thinking is not sorted out, your sentences tend to be long and will be difficult to understand. If you input too much information in a sentence, it becomes hard for the listeners to understand too.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、最初の文がわかりません。「聞き手にわかりやすく話すにはどうしたらよいでしょうか」は「私は話す。話し方は聞き手にわかりやすい」の二つの要素があります。この二つを一つの文の中で表現するのがけっこう難しいですね。How can I make a speech that is easy to understand (for listeners)? How can I make my speech easy to understand? How can I talk in such a way that is easy to understand?というような表現があるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

How can we speak in a way that is easy to understand? First of all, you have to speak in short sentences. If your thinking is not sorted out, your sentences tend to be long and will be difficult to understand. If you input too much information in a sentence, it becomes hard for  listeners to understand too.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、3 November 07

 

Do you know how to speak in plain? Well, you must talk with a brief sentence. Your sentence would become longer and complicated when you don't arrange your ideas or when much information is included in a sentence. Such a long sentence is rather difficult for a listener to understand.

 

添削

 

Do you know how to speak in a way that is easy for a listener to understand plain? Well, yYou must talk with a in brief sentences. Your sentence tends to would become longer and complicated when you don't arrange your ideas or put too when much information is included in one a sentence. Such a long sentence is rather difficult for a listener to understand.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、Do you know how to speak in plain?という大切なところが説明不足です。

 

1.       ここで主語を変えずにyou don’t arrange ~ or (you) put ~と続けるとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Do you know how to speak in a way that is easy for a listener to understand? You must talk  in brief sentences. Your sentence tends to become longer and complicated when you don't arrange your ideas or put too much information in one sentence. Such a long sentence is  difficult for a listener to understand.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、22 September 07

 

How should speakers make a speech so that they give an easily understandable story to listeners? First of all, speakers should speak short sentences. If speakers do not put their ideas in order, they have to speak long sentences that are difficult to understand. As long sentences have many information, it is difficult for listeners to exactly understand the sentence.

 

添削

 

How should can we speakers make a speech so that is easy to understand for listeners they give an easily understandable story to listeners? First of all, we speakers should speak in short sentences. If speakers we do not put out their ideas in order before we speak, we they tend have to speak in long sentences that are difficult to understand for listeners. As If we put in long sentences have many too much information into a long sentence, listeners cannot it is difficult for listeners to exactly understand the contents of the sentence.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。文章の主体をweにするとわかりやすくなるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

How can we make a speech that is easy to understand for listeners ? First of all, we should speak in short sentences. If we do not put out ideas in order before we speak, we tend to speak in long sentences that are difficult to understand for listeners. If we put in too much information into a long sentence, listeners cannot exactly understand the contents of the sentence.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、27 December 05

 

What should you do to talk to audience to understand you easily? The most important thing is that you talk in short sentences. If you don’t tidy the thought well, your sentences become long and difficult to follow. It is also hard to comprehend for listeners if you put much information in one sentence.

 

添削

 

What should you do to talk speak to audience to in an easily understandable manner  you easily1? The most important thing is that you talk speak in short sentences. If you don’t tidy organize the your thought well, your sentences tend to become long and difficult to follow. It is also hard to comprehend for listeners if you put too much information in one sentence.

 

1.       もとの形を使うとHow can you make a speech for your audience to understand you easily?となります。

 

添削後の文章

 

What should you do to speak to audience in an easily understandable manner? The most important thing is that you speak in short sentences. If you don’t organize your thought well, your sentences tend to become long and difficult to follow. It is also hard to comprehend if you put too much information in one sentence.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、22 November 05

 

How should we make a speech that is easy for listeners to follow? First, use short sentences.  Unless you sort out your ideas before making a speech, you tend to use long sentences that make it hard for listeners to follow. If you put too much information into one sentence, the sentence becomes too long and listeners still find it hard to follow.

 

添削

 

How should we make a speech that is easy for listeners to follow? First, use short sentences1. Unless you sort out your ideas before making a speech, you tend to use long sentences that make it hard for listeners to follow. But Iif you put too much information into one sentence, the sentence becomes too long and listeners still will again2 find it hard to follow.

 

コメント

 

1.       「まず、短いセンテンスで話すことです。」をFirst, use short sentences. と命令形で表現したのが簡潔ですね。命令形は「〜するべきです」、「〜しなさい」というような日本文の他にも、料理の順序や器具の使い方などの、「最初に卵と粉を良くかき混ぜます。」、「次に水を一カップ加えてまたかき混ぜます。」というような手段の説明にもよく使われます。この命令形を使えば、スピーチの2番目のコツもDo not put too much information in one sentence. Just convey one idea in one sentence. Otherwise, listeners will again find it difficult to follow your speech. と表現できます。

 

2.       前の文との続きで「(たとえ、考えを整理しても)一つのセンテンスに〜」という意味なので、ここにButを入れると文のつながりがよくなります。will againとするとやはり前の文とのつながりがよくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

How should we make a speech that is easy for listeners to follow? First, use short sentences. Unless you sort out your ideas before making a speech, you tend to use long sentences that make it hard for listeners to follow. But if you put too much information into one sentence, the sentence becomes too long and listeners will again find it hard to follow.

 

 

初級練習問題 228

 

8月4日午後3時25分ごろ、千葉市中央区のJR千葉西千葉駅間で、電源架線をつり下げるワイヤが切れ、総武線の電車2本が線路上で動けなくなった。乗客計約1200人が1時間余り車内に閉じこめられ、職員の誘導で千葉、西千葉両駅まで線路を歩いて移動した。千葉市は最高気温が34・1度に達するうだるような暑さで、線路上で止まった電車に乗り合わせた男子高校生は「車内はすごく暑く、ぐったりしている女性もいた」と話していた。

 

読者からの投稿 10(BURU, 29 October 16

 

About 3:25pm on August 4, two trains on Sobu Line were suddenly stopped working between Chiba and Nishi Chiba at Chuo in Chiba City. This accident was happened that one of wires which was supporting an electrical cable suddenly cut. About 1200 passengers were locked in the trains about one hour due to no electrical power supply. After that, the passengers moved to the nearest stations either Chiba or Nishi Chiba, following the station staff. It was very hot on the day. The maximum daily temperature was recorded 34.1 degree Celsius in Chiba. According to a male high school student, one of the passengers, “It was so hot in the train that there were some women wearing out completely.”

 

添削

 

About 3:25pm on August 4, two trains on the Sobu Line were suddenly stopped working between Chiba Station and Nishi Chiba Station at Chuo Ward in Chiba City. This accident was happened that when one of the wires which was supporting an electrical cable for the Sobu Line was suddenly cut. About 1200 passengers were locked in the trains for about one hour due to no electrical power supply. After that, the passengers walked moved to the nearest stations, either Chiba Station or Nishi Chiba Station , following the station staff. It was very a hot on the day. The maximum daily temperature was recorded 34.1 degree Celsius in Chiba City. According to a male high school student, one of the passengers, “IIt was so hot in the train that there were some women wearing out completely.”

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

About 3:25pm on August 4, two trains on the Sobu Line were suddenly stopped between Chiba Station and Nishi Chiba Station at Chuo Ward in Chiba City. This accident happened when one of the wires which was supporting an electrical cable for the Sobu Line was suddenly cut. About 1200 passengers were locked in the trains for about one hour. After that, the passengers walked to the nearest stations, either Chiba Station or Nishi Chiba Station, following the station staff. It was very a hot day. The maximum daily temperature was recorded 34.1 degree Celsius in Chiba City. According to a male high school student, one of the passengers, “It was so hot in the train that there were some women wearing out completely.”

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(OKEN12 July 12

 

At about 3:25 pm on August 4, two Soubu-line trains stopped on the railway track between Tiba and Nishi Tiba station in Chuo Ward of Tiba City due to the cut of a wire suspending power lines. A total of 1,200 passengers were confined to the coaches for around an hour and they were obligated to walk to Tiba or Nishi Tiba station according to the staff’s guide. On that day, Tiba City was in the midst of sweltering heat and the temperature reached 34.1 degrees. A high school boy on the train said “It was very hot in the coach and some women were so exhausted."

 

添削

 

At about 3:25 pm on August 4, two Soubu-line trains stopped on the railway track between Tiba Chiba1 and Nishi Chiba Tiba station in Chuo Ward of Chiba Tiba City when due to the cut of a wire suspending the power lines snapped. A total of 1,200 passengers were stranded on the trains confined to the coaches for about around an hour before and they were obligated to walked on the railway tracks to Chiba Tiba or Nishi Chiba Tiba station according to guided by the station staff’s guide. On that day, Chiba Tiba City was in the midst of sweltering heat and the temperature reached 34.1 degrees Celsius. A high school boy on the train said ,IIt was very hot on the train in the coach and some women were so exhausted."

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       日本語のアルファベット表記は幾通りもありますが、一番一般的はヘボン式表記を使うとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

At about 3:25 pm on August 4, two Soubu-line trains stopped on the railway track between Chiba and Nishi Chiba station in Chuo Ward of Chiba City when a wire suspending the power lines snapped. A total of 1,200 passengers were stranded on the trains for about an hour before they walked on the railway tracks to Chiba or Nishi Chiba station guided by the station staff. On that day, Chiba City was in the midst of sweltering heat and the temperature reached 34.1 degrees Celsius. A high school boy on the train said ,“It was very hot on the train and some women were so exhausted."

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(Lucca, 16 February 12

 

At 3:25 pm on August 4, two Soubu Line trains running between JR. Chiba station and JR Nishi-Chiba station got stuck due to a cutoff of the electronic overhead wire. The total of 1,200 passengers were trapped in the trains for about an hour. These passengers moved to the Chiba station or the Nishi-Chiba station on foot following the instruction of the train's conductors. At that time in Chiba, the highest temperature reached at 34.1 degrees. A high school male student in the trains said that he found a woman exhausting because it was a very hot inside the trains.

 

添削

 

At 3:25 pm on August 4, two Soubu Line trains running between JR. Chiba station and JR Nishi-Chiba station got stuck due to a cutoff of the electronic overhead wire. The total of 1,200 passengers were trapped in the trains for about an hour. These passengers moved to the Chiba station or the Nishi-Chiba station on foot following the instruction of the train's conductors. On that day At that time in Chiba, the highest temperature reached at 34.1 degrees in Chiba City. A high school male student on in the trains said that he found a woman exhaustinged because it was a very hot inside the trains1.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       この高校生が乗っていた電車なのでon the trainになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

At 3:25 pm on August 4, two Soubu Line trains running between JR. Chiba station and JR Nishi-Chiba station got stuck due to a cutoff of the electronic overhead wire. The total of 1,200 passengers were trapped in the trains for about an hour. These passengers moved to Chiba station or Nishi-Chiba station on foot following the instruction of the trains’ conductors. On that day the highest temperature reached at 34.1 degrees in Chiba City. A high school male student on the train said that he found a woman exhausted because it was very hot inside the train.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 18 April 10

 

A wire suspending the overhead power supply cables to trains broke down around 3:25 p.m. on August 4, forcing two trains to get stuck on the rail tracks between JR Chiba and Nishi Chiba station, in Chuo-ward of Chiba City. A total of 1,200 passengers had to walk on the tracks to either Chiba or Nishi Chiba station led by JR staff after having being trapped in the trains for more than an hour. Chiba City on that day was hit by sweltering August heat with temperature going up as high as 34.1 degrees Centigrade. A male high school student who unfortunately happened to be on the train said that it was so hot in the train that some women appeared really exhausted.

 

添削

 

A wire suspending the overhead power supply cables to trains broke down around 3:25 p.m. on August 4, forcing two trains to get stuck on the rail tracks between JR Chiba and Nishi Chiba sStation, in Chuo-ward of Chiba City . A total of 1,200 passengers had to walk on the tracks to either Chiba or Nishi Chiba sStation led by JR staff after having being trapped in the trains for more than an hour. Chiba City oOn that day the area was hit by sweltering August heat with temperature going up as high as 34.1 degrees Centigrade. A male high school student who unfortunately happened to be was on the train said that it was so hot in the train that some women appeared really exhausted.

 

コメント

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A wire suspending the overhead power supply cables to trains broke down around 3:25 p.m. on August 4, forcing two trains to get stuck on the rail tracks between JR Chiba and Nishi Chiba Station, in Chuo-ward of Chiba City . A total of 1,200 passengers had to walk on the tracks to either Chiba or Nishi Chiba Station led by JR staff after having being trapped in the trains for more than an hour. On that day the area was hit by sweltering August heat with temperature going up as high as 34.1 degrees Centigrade. A male high school student who  was on the train said that it was so hot in the train that some women appeared really exhausted.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 10 January 09

 

Around 3:25 pm on August 4, two trains on the JR Sobu Line were stranded between JR Chiba Station and Nishi-Chiba Station in Chuo Ward, Chiba City, because electric wires feeding electricity from electric cables were cut off. About 1,200 passengers were confined within the trains for more than an hour and then walked on the rail tracks to either Chiba or Nishi-Chiba station by guidance from JR staff. It was a sweltering hot day when the highest temperature reached 34.1 degrees Celsius in Chiba City and a high school boy who was on the stranded train said the inside of the train was terribly hot and some women looked so worn-out.

 

添削

 

Around 3:25 pm on August 4, two trains on the JR Sobu Line were stranded between JR Chiba Station and Nishi-Chiba Station in Chuo Ward, Chiba City, because electric the wires feeding holding electricity from the electric cables for the trains were cut off. About 1,200 passengers were confined within the trains for more than an hour and then walked on the rail tracks to either Chiba or Nishi-Chiba sStation led by guidance from JR staff. It was a sweltering hot day when the highest temperature reached 34.1 degrees Celsius in Chiba City. and aA high school boy who was on the stranded train said the inside of the train was terribly hot and some women looked so worn-out.

 

コメント

 

読みやすい英文で内容のほぼ総てがわかりますがbecause electric wires feeding electricity from electric cables were cut offの部分がわかりません。「電源架線をつり下げるワイヤが切れ」とあるので、電車に電気を供給する電線(電源架線)を吊り下げたワイヤ(これ自体には電気は通じていない)が切れたのでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 3:25 pm on August 4, two trains on the JR Sobu Line were stranded between JR Chiba Station and Nishi-Chiba Station in Chuo Ward, Chiba City, because the wires holding  the electric cables for the trains were cut off. About 1,200 passengers were confined within the trains for more than an hour and then walked on the rail tracks to either Chiba or Nishi-Chiba Station led by JR staff. It was a sweltering hot day when the highest temperature reached 34.1 degrees Celsius in Chiba City. A high school boy who was on the stranded train said the inside of the train was terribly hot and some women looked so worn-out.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(KAPPA 2008, 31 May 08

 

Around 3:25Pm on August 4, a wire hanging the power line was cut at the line between JR chiba and Nishi-chiba in Chuo-ku, Chiba city. Two trains of Sobu-line were stucked on the way. Apporox 1,200 passengers were locked in the train for more than one hour and after that moved waling on the line to Chiba station or Nishi-Chiba station under escort of the station staff. Chiba city has sweltering heat at maximum temperature of Chiba was 34.1 C degree at that time. A high school boy being in the stucked train talked that the carriage had been very hot and some ladies had been heavily exhausted.

 

添削

 

Around 3:25 PmM on August 4, a wire hanging the power line for the train was cut in the JR Sobu line at the line between JR cChiba Station and JR Nishi-chiba Station in Chuo-ku, Chiba cCity1. As a result, Ttwo trains of Sobu-line were stucked stuck between these two stations on the way. Apporox About 1,200 passengers were locked in the trains for more than one hour before and after that moved waling they walked on the railway track line either to Chiba sStation or Nishi-Chiba sStation with under escort of the station staff. On that day, Chiba cCity has had sweltering heat with the at maximum temperature of Chiba was 34.1 C degrees Celsius at that time2. A high school boy being in the stucked on the train said talked that it was the carriage had been very hot inside the train and some ladies appeared had been heavily exhausted.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、わからないところがあります。

 

1.       総武線のJR千葉西千葉駅間で電車に電気を供給する電線を吊るすワイヤーが切れた、ということを最初の文に入れるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       sweltering heat at the maximum temperature of Chiba was 34.1 degrees Celsiusというようにatで二つの文はつなげられません。添削のようにするか、二つの文に分けます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 3:25 PM on August 4, a wire hanging the power line for the train was cut in the JR Sobu line between JR Chiba Station and JR Nishi-chiba Station in Chuo-ku, Chiba City. As a result, two trains were stuck between these two stations. About 1,200 passengers were locked in the trains for more than one hour before they walked on the railway track either to Chiba Station or Nishi-Chiba Station with the station staff. On that day, Chiba City had sweltering heat with the maximum temperature of 34.1 degrees Celsius. A high school boy  on the train said that it was very hot inside the train and some ladies appeared heavily exhausted.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、6 November 07

 

An overhead electric line between the JR Chiba station and the Nishichiba station in Chuo ward of Chiba City were brought down about 3:25 p.m. on August 4th. Two trains of the Sobu line were stuck there by the accident. About 1200 passengers had been confined to the trains for one hour, and then they walked for the Chiba station or the Nishichiba station following the instruction of the staffs. The weather in the Chiba city was extremely hot and the maximum temperature reached 34.1 degrees. A high school boy who was a fellow passenger of the trains told us that because of the terrible heat some women were drained of energy.

 

添削

 

An overhead electric power1 line between the JR Chiba sStation and the Nishichiba sStation in Chuo ward of Chiba City were broke brought down about 3:25 p.m. on August 4th. and stranded Ttwo trains of the Sobu line were stuck there by the accident. About 1,200 passengers had been confined on to the trains for one hour., and then Eventually, they walked to for the Chiba sStation or the Nishichiba sStation following the instruction of the station staffs. The weather in the Chiba city was extremely hot and the maximum temperature reached 34.1 degrees Celsius. A high school student said boy who was on the train a fellow passenger of the trains told us said that because of the terrible heat some women looked exhausted were drained of energy.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       日本文には「電源架線をつり下げるワイヤが切れ」とあるので、正確にはA wire that hang the main power line brokeでしょうね。

 

添削後の文章

 

An overhead electric power line between JR Chiba Station and Nishichiba Station in Chuo ward of Chiba City broke about 3:25 p.m. on August 4th and stranded two trains of the Sobu line. About 1,200 passengers had been confined on the trains for one hour. Eventually, they walked to Chiba Station or Nishichiba Station following the instruction of the station staff. The weather in the Chiba city was extremely hot and the maximum temperature reached 34.1 degrees Celsius. A high school student said who was on the train said that because of the terrible heat some women looked exhausted .

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、23 September 07

 

Two trains in the JR Sobu Line could not run on the rail because around 3:25 p.m. on August 4, a wire of supporting a power wire was cut between Chiba station and Nishi-Chiba in Chiba's Tyuo Ward. A total of about 1,200 passengers had been confined in the trains in more than one hours. Passengers guided by officials moved on the rail from Nishi-Chiba station to Chiba on foot. At that time, Chiba City had boiling hotness that the highest temperature reached to 34.1. A high school boy who got on the train said "It was very hot in the car, so there were some slumping women".

 

添削

 

Two trains in on the JR Sobu Line suddenly stopped could not run on the rail because around 3:25 p.m. on August 4, between Chiba Station and Nishi-Chiba Station when the a wire of supporting the a power wire was cut and could not provided the trains with electricity between Chiba station and Nishi-Chiba in Chiba's Tyuo Ward1. A total of about 1,200 passengers were2 had been confined on in the trains in more than one hours. Eventually the Ppassengers, guided by officials, walked moved on the rail from to Nishi-Chiba sStation or to Chiba Station3 on foot. On that day At that time, Chiba City had boiling hotness that the highest temperature of reached to 34.1. A high school boy who got on the train said, "It was very hot in the car train and some women looked exhausted4, so there were some slumping women.".

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが Two trains could not run on the railが、列車が脱線したのかな、と思わせます。

 

1.       文の内容を先ずはこれらの列車がいつ、どこで止まってしまったかを述べ、次に理由を述べるとわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       more than one hourとあるので、ここではwere confinedとするだけでよいでしょう。

 

3.       日本文には「千葉、西千葉両駅まで」とあるので、乗客はそれぞれこの二つに駅のとぢらか近いほうに歩いていったのでしょう。

 

4.       slumpedは「(力が抜けて)(床や椅子に)座り込んでしまった」という状況ですから、ここではlooked exhausted「疲れ果ててしまったように見えた」としました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Two trains on the JR Sobu Line suddenly stopped around 3:25 p.m. on August 4 between Chiba Station and Nishi-Chiba Station when the wire supporting the power wire was cut and could not provided the trains with electricity. A total of about 1,200 passengers were  confined on the trains more than one hour. Eventually the passengers, guided by officials, walked on the rail to Nishi-Chiba Station or Chiba Station. On that day, Chiba City had the highest temperature of 34.1. A high school boy on the train said, "It was very hot in the  train and some women looked exhausted."

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、29 December 05

 

At 3:25 p.m. on August 4, two trains of JR Sobu Line stopped on the railroad between Chiba and West Chiba Station at Chuo ward in Chiba City because the wire that hung electric line was cut. About 1200 passengers walked to either Chiba or West Chiba Station on the railroad guided by the stuff after being locked in the cars for about one hour. It was a sweltering hot day and the highest temperature reached 34.1 in Chiba City. A High school male student who was locked in the car told that the inside of the car was so hot that there was a woman totally worn out.

 

添削

 

At 3:25 p.m. on August 4, two trains of on the JR Sobu Line stopped on the railroad between Chiba and West Chiba Station at Chuo wWard in Chiba City because the wire that hung the electric line was cut broke down1. About 1,200 passengers walked to either Chiba or West Chiba Station on the railroad guided by the station stuff after being locked in the cars train for about one hour. It was a sweltering hot day and the highest temperature reached 34.1 in Chiba City. A Hhigh school male student who was locked in the car train told that the inside of the car train was so hot that there was a woman totally worn out.some women appeared to have totally worn out2.

 

コメント 

 

1.       the electric line was cutとすると「誰か(なにか)が電線を切った」という意味に取れるので、the electric line broke downがよいでしょう。

 

2.       何人もの女性がぐったりした、ので添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

At 3:25 p.m. on August 4, two trains on the JR Sobu Line stopped on the railroad between Chiba and West Chiba Station at Chuo Ward in Chiba City because the wire that hung the electric line broke down. About 1,200 passengers walked to either Chiba or West Chiba Station on the railroad guided by the station stuff after being locked in the train for about one hour. It was a sweltering hot day and the highest temperature reached 34.1 in Chiba City. A high school male student who was locked in the train told that the inside of the train was so hot that some women appeared to have totally worn out.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、25 November 05

 

Around 3:25 p.m. on August 4, two trains got stalled on the Sobu Line between JR Chiba and Nishi Chiba Station in Chuo Ward, Chiba City after the wires hanging the electric cables snapped. About 1,200 passengers in total were confined in the trains for about an hour.  They all had to walk on the track to either Chiba or Nishi Chiba Station, following after the staff. It was sweltering hot in Chiba City with the daytime high reached to 34.1 degrees Celsius. A senior high school boy, one of the passengers on the train that got stalled on the track, said, "It was so hot in the train that there were some women exhausted with heat.

 

添削

 

Around 3:25 p.m. on August 4, two trains got stalled on the Sobu Line between JR Chiba and Nishi Chiba Station in Chuo Ward, Chiba City after the wires hanging holding the electric cables snapped and the electricity went out1. About 1,200 passengers in total were confined trapped in the trains for about an one hour. They all had to walk on the train track to either to Chiba or Nishi Chiba Station, following after the while being guided by JR staff2. It was sweltering hot in Chiba City with the daytime high reacheding to 34.1 degrees Celsius. A senior high school boy, one of the passengers on the train that got stalled on the track, said, "It was so hot in the train that there were some women exhausted with heat.

 

コメント

 

1.       これを入れておいたほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       being guidedのほうが状況がよくわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 3:25 p.m. on August 4, two trains got stalled on the Sobu Line between JR Chiba and Nishi Chiba Station in Chuo Ward, Chiba City after the wires holding the electric cables snapped and the electricity went out1. About 1,200 passengers were trapped in the trains for about one hour. They all had to walk on the train track either to Chiba or Nishi Chiba Station,  while being guided by JR staff2. It was sweltering hot in Chiba City with the daytime high reaching 34.1 degrees Celsius. A senior high school boy, one of the passengers on the train, said, "It was so hot in the train that there were some women exhausted with heat.

 

 

初級練習問題 229

 

夏真っ盛り。満員列車などに揺られる通勤は我慢の連続だ。さまざまな工夫で不満の解消に努める女性も多い。茨城県内の自宅からJR線を乗り継ぎ、都内のオフィスまで2時間かけて通うケイコさんは「細身の女性の隣の席を目指す」ことを実践している。男性よりも体格が小さい女性同士だと座っても余裕があるからだ。

 

読者からの投稿 9(BURU, 31 October 16

 

Amid summer now. But commuters who board a cr

owded train have to bear heat in the train continuously. Some women are trying to clear the discomfort by their unique ideas. One of examples is that Miss Keio, who commutes for about two hours from her house of Ibaraki to her office of Tokyo with the several JR Lines, has tried to sit beside a slender woman because she thought of getting a space more than she sit beside men.

 

添削

 

We are at the height of Amid summer now. and But commuters who ride board a crowded train have to bear the heat of summer on in the train every day continuously. Some women are trying to avoid clear the discomfort by their unique ideas. One of examples is that Miss Keio, who commutes for about two hours from her house of in Ibaraki to her office of Tokyo riding with the several JR Lines, tries has tried to sit beside a slender woman because she can get thought of getting a space wider more than she to sit beside a man men.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

We are at the height of summer and commuters who ride a crowded train have to bear the heat of summer on the train every day. Some women are trying to avoid the discomfort by  unique ideas. One example is that Miss Keio, who commutes for about two hours from her house in Ibaraki to her office of Tokyo riding the several JR Lines, tries to sit beside a slender woman because she cab get a space wider than to sit beside a man .

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(Lucca, 18 February 12

 

On hot summer days, people are suffering from an endless endurance on fully packed commuting trains. Many women are trying various ideas to reduce their frustrations on a train. In case of Keiko living in Ibaragi, she seeks to find a seat next to a thin woman when she takes JR trains for two hours to her office in Tokyo. This enables her to sit comfortably as women are smaller in size than men.

 

添削

 

On hot summer days, people are suffering from an endless discomfort endurance1 on fully packed commuting trains. Many women are trying various ideas to reduce their discomfort frustrations on the a train. In case of Keiko who lives living in Ibaragi Prefecture, she seeks to find a seat next to a slim thin woman when she takes JR trains for two hours to her office in Tokyo. This enables her to sit comfortably as women are smaller in size than men.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       Enduranceは耐えること、ですからPeople must endure discomfort on packed commuter trains.というように使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

On hot summer days, people are suffering endless discomfort on fully packed commuting trains. Many women are trying various ideas to reduce their discomfort on the train. In case of Keiko who lives in Ibaragi Prefecture, she seeks to find a seat next to a slim woman when she takes JR trains for two hours to her office in Tokyo. This enables her to sit comfortably as women are smaller in size than men.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 18 April 10

 

Commuting on a jam-packed train at the height of summer requires lots of patience on the part of commuters. Many women are seen doing all kind of things to relieve such discomforts. Keiko, a woman who spends two hours commuting from her home in Ibaragi Prefecture to the office in Tokyo changing a couple of JR trains, tries to take a seat next to a slim woman. Sitting next to women often allows more spaces around her than sitting next to men who are generally sturdier than women.

 

添削

 

Commuting on a jam-packed train at the height of summer requires lots of patience on the part of commuters. Many women are seen doing all kind of things to relieve such discomforts. Keiko, a woman who spends two hours on the train commuting from her home in Ibaragi Prefecture to her the office in Tokyo, changing a couple of JR trains, tries to take a seat next to a slim woman. Sitting next to a woman women often allows a more spaces around her than sitting next to a man men who is are generally sturdier than a woman women1.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       一人の女性の隣ならsitting next to a womanですが(反対側は男性でも女性でも構わない)、ここでは二人の女性の間の席、sitting between two womenのことでしょうか?

 

添削後の文章

 

Commuting on a jam-packed train at the height of summer requires lots of patience on the part of commuters. Many women are seen doing all kind of things to relieve such discomfort. Keiko, a woman who spends two hours on the train commuting from her home in Ibaragi Prefecture to her office in Tokyo, changing a couple of JR trains, tries to take a seat next to a slim woman. Sitting next to a woman often allows a more space around her than sitting next to a man who is generally sturdier than a woman.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 10 January 09

 

It's the midst of summer now. Commuting in the crowded train is excruciating. Many women try to alleviate discomfort by various ways. Keiko, who commutes from her home in Ibaraki Prefecture to her office in Tokyo by changing JR lines for two hours, tries to find her seat next to a slim woman on the train. She said there was more room around her sitting next to a slim woman than sitting next to a man.

 

添削

 

It's the midst of summer now. Commuting in on the crowded train is excruciating. Many women try to alleviate discomfort by various ways. Keiko, who commutes from her home in Ibaraki Prefecture to her office in Tokyo by changing JR lines several times and riding trains1 for two hours, tries to find her seat next to a slim woman on the train. She said there was more room around her sitting next to a slim woman than sitting next to a man.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。日本文の内容を整理してわかりやすく英文で表現していますね。

 

1.       このように補足すると内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

It's the midst of summer now. Commuting on the crowded train is excruciating. Many women try to alleviate discomfort by various ways. Keiko, who commutes from her home in Ibaraki Prefecture to her office in Tokyo by changing JR lines several times and riding trains for two hours, tries to find her seat next to a slim woman on the train. She said there was more room around her sitting next to a slim woman than sitting next to a man.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(KAPPA 2008, 3 June 08

 

In the middle of summer, every commuting to the office in full carriage of the train means continuous endurance. Ms. Keiko who is commuting with JR trains from her home in Ibaragi prefecture to her office in Tokyo for two hours. She aims to sit at the seat next to slim lady. Because, the seat in which two small ladies are sitting has more space than those which big gentlemen are sitting. 

 

添削

 

In the middle of summer, every commuting to the office on the in fully packed carriage of the train means requires continuous endurance. Ms. Keiko who is commuting commutes1 on the with JR line trains from her home in Ibaragi pPrefecture to her office in Tokyo for two hours. She tries aims to sit at the seat next to a slim lady woman. She says that sitting next to a slim woman gives her Because, the seat in which two small ladies are sitting has more space room than sitting next to a man those which big gentlemen are sitting. 

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが最後の文がわかりません。女性二人の間にもう一人座れる余裕があり、この余裕は男性二人の間より大きい、といったように受け取ります。添削のよいに座る人がこの女性にするとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

1.       commuteは毎日繰り返す動作なので進行形の必要はありません。

 

添削後の文章

 

In the middle of summer, every commuting on the fully packed train requires continuous endurance. Ms. Keiko commutes on the JR line from her home in Ibaragi Prefecture to her office in Tokyo for two hours. She tries to sit at the seat next to a slim woman. She says that sitting next to a slim woman gives her more room than sitting next to a man . 

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、7 Nov 07

 

It is the height of summer. Travel to one's workplace by a full packed train has a sequence of endurance. There are many women who tried to caught up on their dissatisfaction during the travel. Ms Keiko, who lives in Ibaragi Prefecture and commute for two hours each way to her office in the Tokyo Metropolitan area by changing JR lines, practices sitting next to a slender woman. As a physique of woman is slenderer than man, she can feel comfortable in a traveling to the office when she sits next to a slender woman.

 

添削

 

It is now the height of summer. Commuting Travel to one's workplace by a full packed train, one must go through1 has a sequence of endurance. There are many women who tried try to ease caught up on their dissatisfaction a little by innovative methods during the travel. Ms Keiko, who lives in Ibaragi Prefecture and commutes for two hours each way to her office in downtown the Tokyo Metropolitan area by riding several changing JR lines, spends two hours each way on the train2. She practices sitting next to a slender woman. As a physique of woman is smaller slenderer than man, she has more room on the seat and can feel more comfortable in a traveling to the office when she sits next to a slender woman3.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますがtry to catch up on their dissatisfaction(彼らの不満に追い着く?)がわかりません。

 

1.       Commuting to his office has a series of endurance.とするとenduranceがこの文の主体heにどのように関連しているのかわかりません。

 

2.       文が長いので、ここで一度文を終わらせるとよいでしょう。

 

3.       As a physique of woman is smaller than manとあるのでmore room, more comfortableは比較級ですが、何と比較しているかわかります。a slender womanの隣に座るのが大事ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

It is now the height of summer. Commuting to one's workplace by a full packed train, one must go through a sequence of endurance. There are many women who try to ease their dissatisfaction a little by innovative methods. Ms Keiko, who lives in Ibaragi Prefecture and commutes to her office in downtown Tokyo by riding several JR lines, spends two hours each way on the train. She practices sitting next to a slender woman. As a physique of woman is smaller than man, she has more room on the seat and can feel more comfortable.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、23 September 07

 

Commuters who get on packed trains at midsummer must endure uncomfortable feeling in a packed train for a long time. Many women are trying to avoid uncomfortable feeling with various devices on a full train. Keiko changes JR lines and is commuting to her office in Tokyo from her house in Ibaragi Prefecture for two hours. She performs that she aims to sit down on the seat next to a thin woman because she can have full space to sit on the seat next to a woman who is smaller in constitution than a man.

 

添削

 

Commuters who get have to ride on packed trains at in midsummer must endure stress uncomfortable feeling in a packed train1 for a long time. Many women are trying to lessen the stress avoid uncomfortable feeling with by various means devices on a full train2. Keiko, who3 spends two hours on the train by changes changing JR lines several times to and is commutinge to her office in Tokyo from her house in Ibaragi Prefecture for two hours., She performs that she  tries aims to sit down on the seat next to a slim thin woman because she this will give her can have full more space to sit on the seat next to a woman who is smaller in constitution than sitting next to a man4.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、わからないところがあります。

 

1.       uncomfortable feelingというと「どのような理由によるいやな気分なのだろう」とおもいます。簡単に「ストレスに耐える」とするとどうでしょうか。

 

2.       with various devices on a full trainと言うと、満員電車にはなにか特別な装置があってストレスを減少できるのかな、とおもいます。by various means 「いろいろな方法で」がよいでしょう。

 

3.       英文ではKeikoが人名だということを明確にするために、Keiko, who ~という構文にするとよいでしょう。

 

4.       男性よりも体格が小さい女性同士だと座っても余裕があるからだ。」の英文表現が難しいですね。前の文で「細身の女性の隣に座る」と言ってあるので、this will giver her more space on the seat than sitting next to a manとしてthis(細身の女性の隣に座ること)を主語にするとすこしやさしくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Commuters who have to ride packed trains in midsummer must endure stress for a long time. Many women are trying to lessen the stress by various means. Keiko, who spends two hours on the train by changing JR lines several times to commute to her office in Tokyo from her house in Ibaragi Prefecture, tries to sit on the seat next to a slim woman because this will give her more space on the seat than sitting next to a man.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、29 December 05

 

Now it is in the middle of summer. To commute by crowded trains in this season forces us continuous endurance. Some women seek measures to reduce such an agony. Keiko, a woman who lives in Ibaraki Prefecture and commutes to her office in Tokyo by transferring several lines for two hours tries to “sit on the next seat of a thin woman” in  trains because she can get more space than sitting next to man.

 

添削

 

Now it is in the middle of summer. To commute by crowded trains in this season forces us to practice1 continuous endurance2. Some women seek measures to reduce such an agony. Keiko, a woman who lives in Ibaraki Prefecture and commutes to her office in Tokyo by transferring several lines for two hours tries to “sit on the next seat of next to a thin slim3 woman” in trains on the train because she can get more space this way4 than sitting next to a man.

 

コメント

 

1.       force A to do Bという形にしてdoにあたる動詞を入れるとわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       我慢の連続だ」の表現がよいですね。

 

3.       thinというと「痩せっぽち」、slimというと「ほっそりとした」という感じになります。物理的にはどちらも同じような体形を表現していますが。

 

4.       比較級なので比較の対象が必要です。

 

添削後の文章

 

Now it is in the middle of summer. To commute by crowded trains in this season forces us to practice continuous endurance. Some women seek measures to reduce such an agony. Keiko, a woman who lives in Ibaraki Prefecture and commutes to her office in Tokyo by transferring several lines for two hours tries to “sit on the seat next to a slim woman” on the train because she can get more space this way than sitting next to a man.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、15 November 05

 

We are in the midst of summer. It requires patience after patience to commute to work in a crowded train. A lot of women try to alleviate their frustration by devising a variety of techniques. Miss Keiko, who travels 2 hours to work in the office in the Tokyo Metropolitan Prefecture via the JR lines from her home in Ibaragi Prefecture, makes it a point "to aim at having a seat next to a slender woman." This is because it is possible to have more space if she sits next to women than next to men, as women in general are of less sturdy build than men.

 

添削

 

We are in the midst of summer. It requires patience after patience to commute to work in on a crowded train. A lot of women try to alleviate their frustration by devising a variety of techniques. Miss Keiko, who travels 2 hours to work in the office in the Tokyo Metropolitan Prefecture via the JR lines from her home in Ibaragi Prefecture1, makes it a point "to aim at having a seat next to a slender woman2." This is because it is possible to have more space if she sits next to women than next to men, as women in general are of less sturdy sturdily build than men.

 

コメント

 

マウント60さんはフォーマルな文体の英文で表現しているので、ユーモアのある内容がかえって強調されていますね。

 

1.       who travels two hours from her home in Ibaragi Prefecture to her office in Tokyo by riding a couple of JR linesとすると簡単な表現になります。「都内のオフィス」といっても曖昧で、厳密にはマウント60さんのようにin the Tokyo Metropolitan Prefectureでしょうね。英文でも曖昧にin Tokyo としておきました。

 

2.       tries to find a seat next to a slim womanと簡単に表現できますが、マウント60さんの「フォーマルな言い方の面白さ」はなくなりますね。しかし、プレイン・イングリッシュでは内容を簡潔に表現することに重点を置く、ということを忘れないでください。

 

添削後の文章

 

We are in the midst of summer. It requires patience after patience to commute to work on a crowded train. A lot of women try to alleviate their frustration by devising a variety of techniques. Miss Keiko, who travels 2 hours to work in the office in the Tokyo Metropolitan Prefecture via the JR lines from her home in Ibaragi Prefecture, makes it a point "to aim at having a seat next to a slender woman." This is because it is possible to have more space if she sits next to women than next to men, as women in general are of less sturdily build than men.

 

 

初級練習問題 230

 

愛犬を家族の一員と考える人は今や少なくありません。そんなワンちゃんたちにとって、夏は要注意の季節です。犬は人間と違い、汗腺が発達していません。このため、汗をかくことによって体温を調節するのが難しく、体に熱がこもりやすいです。そのため炎天下では、人間以上に熱中症にかかりやすいです。

 

読者からの投稿 9(BURU, 31 October 16

 

Nowadays, not only a few people think that a house dog is a member of a family. Summer is the most sensitive season for the dogs. The sweat gland activity of dogs is not better development than that of humans. So, the dogs are so difficult to adjust their body temperature that they keep heat easily inside of the body. For this reason, the dogs are easier of getting heat stroke than humans.

 

添削

 

Nowadays, many not only a few people think that a house dog is a member of the a family. Summer is the toughest most sensitive season for the dogs. The sweat glands activity of dogs are is not better developmented as good as those than that of humans. So, the dogs have difficulty in are so difficult to adjusting their body temperatures to the atmospheric temperature and that they tend to keep heat easily inside of their bodyied. For this reason, the dogs are easier to of getting heat stroke than humans.

 

コメント

 

内容が推測できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nowadays, many people think that a house dog is a member of the family. Summer is the toughest season for dogs. The sweat glands of dogs are not developed as good as those of humans. So, dogs have difficulty in adjusting their body temperatures to the atmospheric temperature and tend to keep heat inside their bodied. For this reason, dogs are easier to  get heat stroke than humans.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(Lucca, 21 February 12

 

Nowadays, many dog owners regard their dogs as a family member. For dogs, summer is an uncomfortable season because they are easier to have a heat stroke than humans under the burning sun. The sweat glands of dogs are not highly developed. Thus, when dogs get sweaty, they have difficultly controlling their body temperature and easily trap heat in their bodies.

 

添削

 

Nowadays, many dog owners regard their dogs as a family member. For dogs, summer is an uncomfortable season because they are easier to have a heat stroke than humans under the burning sun. The sweat glands of dogs are not highly developed. Thus, when dogs get sweaty, they have difficultly controlling their body temperature and easily trap heat in their bodies.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 18 April 10

 

Today, many people regard their pet dog as a member of their family. The summer is a season when dog persons have to keep their eyes wide open on their dogs. Unlike humans, dogs’ sweat glands are not fully-developed, making it difficult for them to regulate their body temperature through perspiration. Accordingly, dogs tend to contain the heat in their body and are more susceptible to heat stroke than humans under the scorching summer sun.

 

添削

 

Today, many people regard their pet dog as a member of their family. The summer is a season when dog persons lovers have to keep their eyes wide open on their dogs. Unlike humans, dogs’ sweat glands are not fully-developed, making dogs it difficult for them to regulate their body temperatures through perspiration. Accordingly, dogs tend to contain the heat in their bodyies and are more susceptible to heat stroke than humans under the scorching summer sun.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Today, many people regard their pet dog as a member of their family. The summer is a season when dog lovers have to keep their eyes wide open on their dogs. Unlike humans, dogs’ sweat glands are not fully-developed, making dogs difficult to regulate their body temperatures through perspiration. Accordingly, dogs tend to contain heat in their bodies and are more susceptible to heat stroke than humans under the scorching summer sun.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 11 January 09

 

Nowadays, not a few people regard a pet dog as one of their family members. Summer is the season when we have to pay particular attention to such a pet dog. Dogs don't have such developed sweat glands as human beings. That's why dogs have difficulty to adjust their body temperature to outside temperature through perspiration and they tend to hold heat inside their body. Consequently, they are more vulnerable to heat disorders than human beings under the scorching sun in summer.

 

添削

 

Nowadays, many not a few1 people regard a pet dog as one of their family members. For dog owners2, Ssummer is the season when they we have to pay careful particular attention to their such a pet dogs. Dogs don't have well such  -developed sweat glands as like human beings. That's why dogs have difficulty to adjusting their body temperature to the outside temperature through perspiration and they tend to hold heat inside their body. Consequently, they are more vulnerable to heat disorders than human beings under the scorching sun in summer.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「少なくありません」は状況によって「多い」、「かなり多い」、「すこしある」など程度がことなりすね。not a few peopleと二重否定で文を始めると読みにくいので、ここでは単にmanyとしました。文脈から見て、ここでは数の程度は問題ではないようです。

 

2.       愛犬家を主語のしたので誰が要注意をするのかはっきりしました。添削のようにすると内容がもっとはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nowadays, many people regard a pet dog as one of their family members. For dog owners, summer is the season when they have to pay careful attention to their dogs. Dogs don't have well-developed sweat glands like human beings. That's why dogs have difficulty adjusting their body temperature to the outside temperature through perspiration and they tend to hold heat inside their body. Consequently, they are more vulnerable to heat disorders than human beings under the scorching sun in summer.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(KAPPA 2008, 3 June 08

 

Many people thinks that a pet dog is one of family members. Summer is careful season for such puppy. Sweat glands of dog are not well developed like those of human. Then, it is difficult for dogs to adjust their body temperature by sweating. The heat tends to accumulate in the body. Dogs is easier to suffer from heat disease than human.    

 

添削

 

Many people regard their thinks that a pet dog as is one of the family members. They should know that1 Ssummer is a tough careful season for their dog such puppy. The Ssweat glands system of the dog is are not well developed like that those of the human. Therefore2 Then, it is difficult for dogs to adjust their body temperatures by sweating. and Tthe heat tends to accumulate in the body. Thus, Ddogs are is easier to suffer from heat disease disorders than humans.   

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       前の文の内容と連関するように、このような表現はどうでしょうか。

 

2.       文と文の続き方がよくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Many people regard their pet dog as one of the family members. They should know that summer is a tough season for their dog. The sweat gland system of the dog is not well developed like that of the human. Therefore, it is difficult for dogs to adjust their body temperatures by sweating and the heat tends to accumulate in the body. Thus, dogs are  easier to suffer from heat disorders than humans.   

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、8 November 07

 

Quiet a lot of dog persons regard their dog as one of their family. Summer is a season to watch out for dogs because, unlike people, dogs do not have a developed sweat gland function. Dogs tend to keep heat in their body, because it is difficult for dogs to control their temperature by sweating. Dogs be, therefore, liable to suffer heat prostration compared to human being.

 

添削

 

Quiet Quite a lot of dog owners1 persons regard their dog as one of their family members. For them, Ssummer is a season to pay close attention to their watch out for dogs. because2, uUnlike people, dogs do not have a developed sweat gland system function.. Dogs tend to build up keep heat in their body, because it is difficult for them dogs to control their body temperature by sweating. Dogs be, therefore, are liable to suffer heat prostration compared more easily than to human beings.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       ここは一般的なdog ownersでよいでしょう。

 

2.       次の文にもbecauseがあるので、このように文を切ったほうが因果関係がはっきりするでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Quite a lot of dog owners regard their dog as one of their family members. For them, summer is a season to pay close attention to their dog. Unlike people, dogs do not have a developed sweat gland system. Dogs tend to build up heat in their body because it is difficult for them to control their body temperature by sweating. Dogs, therefore, are liable to suffer heat prostration compared more easily than human beings.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、24 September 07

 

There are many people who consider their dogs to be a member of their family. We especially have to care for our dogs in summer. Unlike a man, sweat glands of dogs do not develop. So, as it is difficult for dogs to adjust their body temperature by sweating, they are apt to keep heat in their body. They suffer from heat stroke more easily than a man under the scorching sun.

 

添削

 

There are many people who consider their dogs to be a members of their family. We especially have to closely take care of for our dogs in the summer. Unlike humans a man, the sweat glands of dogs are not well do not developed1. So, as it is difficult for dogs2 to cannot easily adjust their body temperature by sweating, and they are apt to keep heat in their body. Thus, Tthey tend to suffer from heat disorders stroke more easily than humans in the summer a man under the scorching sun.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「人間とは違って、犬は汗腺がよく発達していない」ですから、the sweat glands are not well developedとなります。

 

2.       it is difficult for dogs to ~という形より、dogs cannot easily ~というようにdogsを主語にしたほうが分かりやすい文になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

There are many people who consider their dogs to be members of their family. We have to closely take care of our dogs in the summer. Unlike humans, the sweat glands of dogs are not well developed. So, dogs cannot easily adjust their body temperature by sweating and they are apt to keep heat in their body. Thus, they tend to suffer heat disorders more easily than humans in the summer .

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、29 December 05

 

Recently quite a few people regard their pet dogs as a member of the family. For such dogs, summer is a dangerous season. Different from human beings, dogs don’t have the developed sweat gland and so, they can’t control body temperature by perspiring. The heat tends to be remained in their body. That’s why dogs get heat stroke more easily than human beings under the summer sunshine.

 

添削

 

Recently quite a few people regard their pet dogs1 as a member of the family. For such a dogs, summer is a dangerous season. Different from human beings, dogs don’t do not2 have the a well-developed sweat gland and so system., tThey can’t cannot control body temperature well by perspiring perspiration. The external heat tends to be remained accumulate3 in their body. That’s is why dogs get heat stroke more easily than human beings under the summer sunshine.

 

コメント

 

1.       何匹も愛犬を飼っている人もいるでしょうが、ここでは一匹で一般的にひょうげんしてよいでしょう。

 

2.       don’t haven’t isn’tなどの簡略表記は口語体のの文章には良く使われますが、フォーマルな文章では使わないほうがよいでしょう。

 

3.       The external heatが主語なのでThe external heat tends to remain in the body. またはThe external heat tends to accumulate in the body. になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Recently quite a few people regard their pet dog as a member of the family. For such a dog, summer is a dangerous season. Different from human beings, dogs do not have a well-developed sweat gland system. They cannot control body temperature well by  perspiration. The external heat tends to accumulate in their body. That is why dogs get heat stroke more easily than human beings under the summer sunshine.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、26 November 05

 

Quite a few people of today think of their pet dogs as members of their families. For dogs, summer can sometimes be a dangerous season. Dogs have no well-developed perspiratory gland unlike humans, so it is difficult for them to adjust their body temperature by perspiration. As a result, heat is easy to stay within the body and dogs are more likely to prone to heat stroke than humans under the scorching sun.

 

添削

 

Quite a few people of today think of their pet dogs as members of their families. For dogs, summer can sometimes be a dangerous season. Unlike humans, Ddogs do not1 have no well-developed perspiratory glands unlike humans., so So it is difficult for them to adjust their body temperature by through perspiration. As a result, heat is easy tends to stay within the body and dogs are more likely to prone2 to heat stroke than humans under the scorching sun.

 

コメント

 

1.       Unlike humans, dogs do not have ~ としたほうが、人間との比較で犬の持っていないもの、がはっきりします。

 

2.       proneに「〜になりやすい」の意味があるのでlikely toは要りません。

 

添削後の文章

 

Quite a few people of today think of their pet dogs as members of their families. For dogs, summer can sometimes be a dangerous season. Unlike humans, dogs do not have well-developed perspiratory glands. So it is difficult for them to adjust their body temperature through perspiration. As a result, heat tends to stay within the body and dogs are more prone to heat stroke than humans under the scorching sun.