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初級練習問題添削 201−210


初級練習問題 201(16 July 05) (9 Sept 05) (7 June 07) (3 Sept 07) (17 Sept 07)

(15 Oct 08) (24 March 10) (5 July 11) (9 Dec 11) (7 July 12)                     
初級練習問題 202(22 July 05) (9 Sept 05) (7 June 07) (3 Sept 07) (25 Sept 07)

(16 Oct 08) (24 March 10) (9 Dec 11) (13 Aug 15)
初級練習問題 203(23 July 05) (12 Sept 05) (7 June 07) (3 Sept 07) (26 Sept 07)

(18 Oct 08) (24 March 10) (10 July 11) (9 Dec 11) (13 Aug 16)
初級練習問題 204(23 July 05) (12 Sept 05) (13 June 07) (7 Sept 07) (27 Sept 07)

(19 Oct 08) (24 March 10) (13 July 11) (13 Dec 11) (17 Aug 16)
初級練習問題 205(26 July 05) (13 Sept 05) (13 June 07) (8 Sept 07) (28 Sept 07)

(23 Oct 08) (24 March 10) (13 July 11) (15 Dec 11) (17 Aug 16)
初級練習問題 206(6 Aug 05) (16 Sept 05) (3 Aug 07) (9 Sept 07) (29 Sept 07)

(31 Oct 08) (30 Mar 10) (15 July 11) (18 Dec 11) (22 Feb 13)

(20 Aug 16)
初級練習問題 207(12 Aug 05) (16 Sept 05) (10 Sept 07) (3 Oct 07) (17 Apr 08)

(31 Oct 08) (30 Mar 10) (16 July 11) (24 Dec 11) (20 Aug 16)
初級練習問題 208(31 Aug 05) (23 Sept 05) (10 Sept 07) (5 Oct 07) (17 Apr 08)

(7 Nov 08) (31 Mar 10) (19 July 11) (24 Dec 11) (21 Aug 16)
初級練習問題 209(23 Sept 05) (28 Sept 05) (5 Feb 07) (11 Sept 07) (6 Oct 07)

(18 Apr 08) (10 Nov 08) (2 Apr 10) (20 July 11) (31 Dec 11)

(21 August 16)
初級練習問題 210(28 Sept 05) (4 Oct 05) (12 Sept 07) (7 Oct 07) (18 Apr 08)

(11 Nov 08) (2 Apr 10) (22 July 11) (31 Dec 11) (24 Aug 16)

 

初級練習問題 201

 

金融庁は6月は24日、偽造・盗難カードによる預金の不正引き出しの予防策をまとめた最終報告を発表した。

ATMの1日当たりの利用限度額を、各金融機関が自らの安全水準に応じて一定額まで引き下げる必要があるとし、参考金額として預金者1人について「1日当たり50万円」を提示した。国内でキャッシュカードを発行している135銀行のうち、89行は利用限度額を同200万円に設定しており、金融機関は安全性と顧客利便性との間で難しい判断を迫られそうだ。

 

読者からの投稿 10(OKEN, 7 July 12

 

On June 24, Financial Services Agency released a final report about precautionary measures for illegal withdrawals using stolen automated teller machine cards. The report says that each financial institution should lower its ATM credit ceiling a day according to its safety criteria. The report also presents “500, 000 yen a day” per one person as a reference amount. Eighty nine banks out of 135 banks issuing credit cards in Japan set 200, 000, 000 yen as the credit ceiling. So these banks will have difficulty in gaining a balance between their customer’s safety and convenience.

 

添削

 

On June 24, the Financial Services Agency released a final report about precautionary measures for preventing illegal withdrawals using stolen bank credit1 automated teller machine cards. The report says that each financial institution should lower its ATM credit ceiling a day according to its safety criteria. The report also presents “500, 000 yen a day” per one person as a reference amount. Eighty nine banks out of 135 banks issuing credit cards in Japan currently set 200, 000, 000 yen as the credit ceiling. So those these banks will have difficulty in gaining a balance between their customer’s safety and convenience.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       文章の後半でcredit cardsとなっています。同じ対象は同じ表現を使うようにします。カナダではこのような銀行のカードをa bank debit cardと言っています。このカードで買い物をすると銀行口座にはa debitとして記載されるからでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 24, the Financial Services Agency released a final report about precautionary measures for preventing illegal withdrawals using stolen bank credit cards. The report says that each financial institution should lower its ATM credit ceiling a day according to its safety criteria. The report also presents “500, 000 yen a day” per one person as a reference amount. Eighty nine banks out of 135 banks issuing credit cards in Japan currently set 200, 000, 000 yen as the credit ceiling. So those banks will have difficulty in gaining a balance between their customer’s safety and convenience.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Lucca, 9 December 11

 

On June 24, the Financial Services Agency announced the final report to prevent fraudulent ATM withdrawals by fake or stolen cards. In the report, the agency has made a proposal to withdraw cash up to 500 hundred yen per person a day from ATM to financial institutions as a reference. They believe that the maximum limits of ATM cashing for a day should be reduced to a certain amount based on the institution's safety standards. However, 89 banks out of 135 banks set their maximum withdrawal of 2 million yen a day at present. The financial institutions have to make a tough decision between the security and convenience of their customers.

 

添削

 

On June 24, the Financial Services Agency announced released the final report on the measures to prevent fraudulent ATM withdrawals by fake or stolen bank cards. In the report, the agency has made a proposal to set a limit to the amount of withdraw cash to be withdrawn from ATMs up to 500 hundred yen per person a day from ATM to financial institutions as a reference. They The agency believes that the maximum amount limits of ATM cashing for a day should be reduced to a certain amount based on the financial institution's safety standards. However, 89 banks out of the135 banks that issue bank cards presently set their maximum at withdrawal of 2 million yen a day at present. The financial institutions have to make a tough decision between the security and convenience of their customers.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかりますが、50万を最高額とするという提案、ということをはっきりさせるとよいでしょう。

 

1.       次にstandardsと複数形があるので、ここも複数形がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 24, the Financial Services Agency released the final report on the measures to prevent fraudulent ATM withdrawals by fake or stolen bank cards. In the report, the agency has made a proposal to set a limit to the amount of cash to be withdrawn from ATMs to 500 hundred yen per person a day. The agency believes that the maximum amount for a day should be reduced to a certain amount based on the financial institutions’ safety standards. However, 89 banks out of the135 banks that issue bank cards presently set their maximum at 2 million yen a day. The financial institutions have to make a tough decision between the security and convenience of their customers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(かい、5 July 11

 

On July 24, the Financial Services Agency announced the final report that a preventive measure for withdrawal of deposit illegally by forged or stolen card was compiled. The report suggested that each financial institution needs to reduce an ATM's overlimit fee to a certain amount in proportion as their safety standards , and advanced 500,000 yen per day for a depositor as a reference. Financial institutions will be obliged to make a difficult decision between security and convenience, because 89 of 135 that publish cash cards within the country set an overlimit fee to 2 million yen.

 

添削

 

On July 24, the Financial Services Agency announced that the final report on the that a preventive measures against for illegal withdrawals of bank deposits illegally by forged or stolen bank cards was compiled1. The report suggested that each financial institution would needs to reduce the maximum amount people can get from an ATM's overlimit fee2 to a certain amount according to in proportion as their safety standards , and presented advanced 500,000 yen per day for a depositor as a reference. Financial institutions will be obliged to make a difficult decision between security and convenience, because 89 of 135 financial institutions that publish cash cards within the country presently set the maximum an overlimit fee to at 2 million yen.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、to reduce an ATM's overlimit fee to a certain amountという大切なところが日本文の内容と異なります。

 

1.       On July 24, the Financial Services Agency announced the final report that a preventive measures again for illeg withdrawals of bank deposits illegally by forged or stolen bank cards was compiled. とするか、添削のようにします。

 

2.       to reduce an ATM's overlimit feeとすると、ATMから限度額以上の引き出しが可能で、それには特別な費用がかかる、というように読めます。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 24, the Financial Services Agency announced that the final report on the  preventive measures against illegal withdrawals of bank deposits by forged or stolen bank cards was compiled. The report suggested that each financial institution would need to reduce the maximum amount people can get from an ATM to a certain amount according to  their safety standards, and presented 500,000 yen per day as a reference. Financial institutions will be obliged to make a difficult decision between security and convenience, because 89 of 135 financial institutions that publish cash cards presently set the maximum  at 2 million yen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 24 March 10

 

On June 24, the Financial Services Agency released the final report on preventive measures against fraudulent ATM withdrawals by forged or stolen cash cards. The report recommended that financial institutions lower their respective maximum limits of ATM withdrawal per day based on their own security policy and suggested 500,000 yen per depositor as a point of reference. Currently, of the 135 banks issuing their cash cards in the country, 89 banks have their maximum amount of withdrawal per day set at as high as 2,000,000 yen. The financial institutions are going to be faced with difficult decisions to achieve optimum balance between competing claims of security and customer convenience.

 

添削

 

On June 24, the Financial Services Agency released the final report on preventive measures against fraudulent ATM withdrawals by forged or stolen cash cards. The report recommended that financial institutions lower their respective maximum limits of cash withdrawn from their ATMs withdrawal1 per day based on their own security policy and suggested 500,000 yen per depositor as a point of reference for the maximum. Currently, of the 135 banks issuing their cash cards in the country, 89 banks have their maximum amount of withdrawal per day set at as high as 2,000,000 yen. The financial institutions are going to be faced with difficult decisions to achieve an optimum balance between competing claims of security and customer convenience.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       重要な内容なので複合名詞でなく、このような説明のほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 24, the Financial Services Agency released the final report on preventive measures against fraudulent ATM withdrawals by forged or stolen cash cards. The report recommended that financial institutions lower their respective maximum limits of cash withdrawn from their ATMs per day based on their own security policy and suggested 500,000 yen per depositor as a point of reference for the maximum. Currently, of the 135 banks issuing their cash cards in the country, 89 banks have their maximum amount of withdrawal per day set at as high as 2,000,000 yen. The financial institutions are going to be faced with difficult decisions to achieve an optimum balance between competing claims of security and customer convenience.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 15 October 08

 

On June 24, the Finance Service Agency announced the final report on the preventive measures against illegal withdrawal by forged and stolen cash cards.

 

It suggests that the maximum amount per day of withdrawal by ATM should be limited according to the safety standard of each financial institution and recommends 500,000 yen per person a day. Eighty-nine out of 135 financial institutions which have issued cash cards in Japan set their maximum withdrawal amount at two million yen a day. The financial institutions might be required to make a good judgment considering security and customer convenience.

 

添削

 

On June 24, the Finance Financial Services Agency announced the final report on the preventive measures against illegal withdrawal by forged and stolen cash cards.

 

It The final report1 suggests that the maximum amount per day of withdrawal per day by ATM should be reduced limited2 according to the safety standard of each financial institution and recommends 500,000 yen per person a day. Eighty-nine out of 135 financial institutions which are have issueding cash cards in Japan currently set their maximum withdrawal amounts at two million yen a day, much higher than the recommended amount3. The financial institutions will might be required to make a good judgment balancing considering security and customer convenience.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。内容が整理されていてわかりやすい文章です。

 

1.       新しい段落なので、代名詞ではなくもとの名詞を使うとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       現在でも制限はあるわけですから、reduceがよいでしょう。

 

3.       こんな説明を入れると、次の文の内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 24, the Financial Services Agency announced the final report on the preventive measures against illegal withdrawal by forged and stolen cash cards.

 

The final report suggests that the maximum amount of withdrawal per day by ATM should be reduced according to the safety standard of each financial institution and recommends 500,000 yen per person a day. Eighty-nine out of 135 financial institutions which are  issuing cash cards in Japan currently set their maximum withdrawal amounts at two million yen a day, much higher than the recommended amount. The financial institutions will be required to make a good judgment balancing security and customer convenience.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、17 September 07

 

On January 24, Financial Services Agency made a final report on a precaution against illegal withdrawals using stolen or forged cash card.

 

Financial Services Agency required moreover each financial institution to reduce the payment limit of ATM a day to moderate degree which each financial institution was allowed to set regarding their original safety guideline. Moreover, Financial Services Agency showed an example as a reference of payment limit; 500,000 yen a day per a depositor.

 

The eighty-nine financial institutions of one hundred thirty five financial institutions which issue cash cards in Japan set the payment limit to two million yen.

 

The financial institutions would be obliged to be in very difficult position because they are required of moderate decisions against the incompatible problem between the security and the convenience for their customers.

 

添削

 

On January 24, the Financial Services Agency made a the final report on the means a precaution against illegal withdrawals of cash by using stolen or forged cash cards.

 

In the report , the Financial Services Agency required recommends that moreover each financial institution to reduce the maximum payment from limit of ATMs a day to moderate degree which each financial institution was allowed to set regarding their original according to its own safety guideline3. Moreover, the Financial Services Agency showed an example of the maximum amount of as a reference of payment limit; 500,000 yen a day per a depositor.

 

The eEighty-nine financial institutions out of one hundred and thirty five financial institutions which issue cash cards in Japan now have the maximum amount of4 set the payment limit to two million yen a day.

 

The financial institutions are would be obliged to be in a very difficult position because they are required have to make a decision balancing of moderate decisions against the incompatible problem between the security and the convenience for of their customers5.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、最後の段落の意味がわかりません。The financial institutions would be obliged to be in very difficult position 金融機関は(喜んで、進んで)大変困難な状況にいるのでしょうか?

 

1.       moreoverがここにあると、(最終報告とは)別に金融庁は〜した、と解釈できます。この勧告も報告書の一部なので添削にようにします。

 

2.       reduce the maximum paymentのほうがわかりやすいです。

 

3.       according to its own guidelineで、それぞれの金融機関がこの最高額を決めるとわかります。

 

4.       Eighty-nine financial institutions set the payment limit to at two million yen. とするとsetは現在形も過去形もsetですから、これらの金融機関が現在最高額を200万円に設定している〈過去形〉のか、または韓国の結果新しい最高額を200万円に設定した(現在形)なのかわかりません。

 

5.       まったく両立できない問題にたいする決定ではなく、二つの要素をバランスして決定する、とするとよいでしょう。なお文章は「添削後の文章」のように二つの段落にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On January 24, the Financial Services Agency made the final report on the means against illegal withdrawals of cash by using stolen or forged cash cards. In the report, the Financial Services Agency recommends that each financial institution reduce the maximum payment from ATMs a day according to its own safety guideline. Moreover, the Financial Services Agency showed an example of the maximum amount of 500,000 yen a day per depositor.

 

Eighty-nine financial institutions out of one hundred and thirty five financial institutions which issue cash card in Japan now have the maximum amount of two million yen a day. The financial institutions are in a very difficult position because they have to make a decision balancing the security and convenience of their customers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、3 September 07

 

On June 24th, the Financial Service Agency announced the final report which summarized the precautions for withdrawals from savings accounts using fake or stolen cards. The agency submitted that each financial organ should reduce the maximum amount of money per day which can withdraw from ATM to a certain amount of money  according to their safety level. So, it presented five hundred thousand yen per day for a depositor as reference. Eighty nine of 135 banks which publish cash cards set the maximum amount of money to two million yen. They will make a tough decision between the convenience of customers and the safety of banks.

 

添削

 

On June 24th, the Financial Service Agency announced the final report which on measures to prevent illegal summarized the precautions for withdrawals2 of cash from savings accounts using fake or stolen cards. The agency Agency recommends submitted that each financial organ institution should reduce the maximum amount of money per day which a depositor3 can withdraw from ATMs per day to a certain amount of money  according to their safety level. So, and suggests it presented five hundred thousand yen per day.  for a depositor as reference. At present, Eeighty nine of 135 banks which issue publish cash cards set the maximum amount of money to at two million yen per day. So, Tthey will have to make a tough decision between balancing4 the convenience of customers and the safety of banks1.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、the precautions for withdrawals from savings accounts「普通預金からの現金引き出しについての注意?」according to their safety level, So, it presented five hundred thousand yen per day for a depositor as referenceがよくわかりません。

 

2.       measures to prevent ~ 〜を予防する手段、とするとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

3.       a depositor預金者を主語にすると文がわかりやすくなります。

 

4.       between A and B ABのどちらか一方、ではなくてbalancing A and B ABの釣り合いを取って、にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後ん文章

 

On June 24th, the Financial Service Agency announced the final report on measures to prevent illegal withdrawals of cash from savings accounts using fake or stolen cards. The Agency recommends that each financial institution should reduce the maximum amount of money which a depositor can withdraw from ATMs per day and suggests five hundred thousand yen per day. At present, eighty nine of 135 banks which issue cash cards set the maximum amount at two million yen per day. So, they will have to make a tough decision balancing the convenience of customers and the safety of banks.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kappa2004, 7 July 07

 

On June 24, the Agency of Finance announced a final report that summarized the protective measures against cheating on withdraw from bank deposits by using fake or stolen cards. It demands that limitation of daily use of ATM should be lowered to a certain amount to meet each safe standard of the bank. They showed “ 500,000 Yen per day” for each account as a referenced amount. Among 135 banks which issue cash cards in domestic, 89 banks set the limitation of daily use at 2 million Yen. Monetary organizations will be in difficulty to select safety or convenience in doing their business.

 

添削

 

On June 24, the Financial Services Agency1 of Finance announced a the final report that summarized the protective measures against cheating on withdrawals of cash from bank deposits by using fake or stolen cards. It The report recommends demands that the maximum amount of cash withdrawal2 limitation of daily use of from ATMs per day should be lowered to a certain amount to according to3 the meet each security safe standard of the each bank. Nevertheless , the report recommendsThey showed “ 500,000 Yyen per day for each account as a referenced preferred amount. At present, Aamong 135 banks which issue cash cards in domestic, 89 banks set the maximum amount limitation of daily use at 2 million Yyen. Banks Monetary organizations4 will have be in difficulty in balancing5 to select safety or the security and convenience of customers in doing setting a new daily maximum for ATMs their business.

 

コメント

 

1.       金融庁のウェブページにはFinancial Service Agencyが英語名として載っています。

 

2.       現金の引き出し、ということを入れるとよいでしょう。

 

3.       日本文に「自らの安全水準に応じて」とあります。to meet the standard ~としてもよいですが、according to the standard ~とすると、安全をいろいろと考慮して、という感じが出ます。

 

4.       金融機関とあるので「〜銀行」以外のバンクカードを発行しているところを全部含めるわけですが、文章ではbanksとしているので、ここでもbanksでよいでしょう。

 

5.       安全と利便の両方のバランスを取る、としたほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 24, the Financial Services Agency announced the final report that summarized the protective measures against cheating on withdrawals of cash from bank deposits using fake or stolen cards. The report recommends that the maximum amount of cash withdrawal  from ATMs per day should be lowered to a certain amount according to the security  standard of each bank. Nevertheless, the report recommends 500,000 yen per day for each account as a preferred amount. At present, among 135 banks which issue cash cards, 89 banks set the maximum amount at 2 million yen. Banks will have difficulty in balancing the security and convenience of customers in setting a new daily maximum for ATMs .

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、9 September 05

 

The Financial Services Agency gave the final report about the preventive measures against illegal cash drawings from ATM by forged or stolen bank cards on June 24. The agency concluded the necessity of the limitation of maximum drawing amount in a day according to each bank's safety criterion and showed an example amount of 500,000 yen that is maximum amount a depositor can draw from his account using his bank card in a day. Since 89 out of 135 banks that have issued their bank cards in Japan have limited the maximum drawing amount to 2 million yen a day, they have to make a tough decision in terms of safety and service for customers.

 

添削

 

The Financial Services Agency gave released1 the final report about the preventive measures against illegal cash drawings from ATM by forged or stolen bank cards on June 24. The agency concluded that it was necessary for banks to re-assess2 the necessity of the limitation of on the maximum drawing amount in a day according to each bank's safety criterion, and showed an example amount of 500,000 yen that is maximum amount a depositor can draw from his account using his bank card in a day3. Since 89 out of 135 banks that have issued issue their bank cards in Japan have limited4 the maximum drawing amount to 2 million yen a day, they have to make a tough decision in terms of safety and service convenience5 for of customers.

 

コメント

 

1.       give I gave an apple to him. という形を取りますから、ここではThe Financial Services Agency gave the final report to banks.となります。The agency released a report (to the public.)とするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       I concluded that he was wrong.「私は彼は間違っていると結論した。」

“The project was successful,” he concluded.「このプロジェクトは成功だった。」と彼は締め括った。

They concluded the meeting at 7:00 pm.「彼はは午後七時に会合を終了した。」

というようにconcludeを使います。練習問題はThe agency concluded that ~.の形になるので、添削のような説明が必要です。銀行は既に1日あたりの引き出し限度額を決めているので、re-assessにしました。

 

3.       これは文の前半で説明があるので省略します。

 

4.       「既に限度額を設定している」という意味でhave limited the maximum drawing amountは適切な表現ですね。

 

5.       「利便性」は convenienceが適当でしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Financial Services Agency released the final report about the preventive measures against illegal cash drawings from ATM by forged or stolen bank cards on June 24. The agency concluded that it was necessary for banks to re-assess the limitation on the maximum drawing amount in a day according to each bank's safety criterion, and showed an example amount of 500,000 yen. Since 89 out of 135 banks that issue their bank cards in Japan have limited the maximum drawing amount to 2 million yen a day, they have to make a tough decision in terms of safety and convenience of customers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、16 July 05

 

The Finance Ministry announced on June 24 the result of a final report on preventive measures against fraudulent bank withdrawals by the use of forged and stolen bank cards.

 

The report, stressing the need to lower the daily maximum amount of ATM withdrawals to a particular amount in accordance with the safety standard of each financial institution, came up with "500,000 yen per day" a depositor as a reference. Among 135 banks that issue bank cards in Japan, 89 banks set the maximum amount at "2,000,000 yen per day." So, financial institutions seem to be forced to choose between safety and  the convenience of customers.

 

添削

 

The Finance Ministry announced on June 24 the result of a final report on preventive measures against fraudulent bank withdrawals by the use of forged and stolen bank cards.

 

The report, stressing the need to lower the daily maximum amount of ATM withdrawals to a particular amount in accordance with the safety standard of each financial institution, came up with suggests1 the maximum amount of "500,000 yen per day" as its recommendation a depositor as a reference. Among 135 banks that issue bank cards in Japan, 89 banks set the maximum amount at "2,000,000 yen per day." So, financial institutions seem to be forced to choose between the security safety and the convenience of customers.

 

コメント

 

1.       報告の内容は銀行のこれからの方針と関係しているので現在形でよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Finance Ministry announced on June 24 the result of a final report on preventive measures against fraudulent bank withdrawals by the use of forged and stolen bank cards.

 

The report, stressing the need to lower the daily maximum amount of ATM withdrawals to a particular amount in accordance with the safety standard of each financial institution,  suggests the maximum amount of 500,000 yen per day as its recommendation. Among 135 banks that issue bank cards in Japan, 89 banks set the maximum amount at 2,000,000 yen per day. So, financial institutions seem to be forced to choose between the security and convenience of customers.

 

 

初級練習問題 202

 

東北大の災害制御研究センターは6月24日、津波の高さや浸水規模を50メートル四方で予測、インターネットで自治体に伝えるシステムを開発したと発表した。地形データや潮位計の観測データを基にして算出する。今年4月から、大阪府や兵庫県で試験的に運用している。

 

読者からの投稿 10(Buru, 13 August 16

 

The Disaster Control Research Center of Tohoku University announced to the public on June 24 that they developed a new system, which can predict wave heights and the scale of floods each 50 square meters during disasters and send these date to the municipal offices through internet line. This analysis will be estimated based on the data of terrain and tidal data. The center has provisionally started running the system in Osaka and Hyogo Prefectures since last April.

 

添削

 

The Disaster Control Research Center of Tohoku University announced to the public on June 24 that they developed a new system, which can predict wave heights and the area scale of floods for each 50 square meters during disasters and send these date to the municipal offices through the internet line. This analysis is will be estimated based on the data of terrains and tides tidal data. The center has provisionally started running the system in Osaka and Hyogo Prefectures since last April.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てわかります。わかりやすく構成された文章です。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Disaster Control Research Center of Tohoku University announced to the public on June 24 that they developed a new system which can predict wave heights and the area of floods for each 50 square meters during disasters and send these date to the municipal offices through the internet. This analysis is estimated based on the data of terrains and tides. The center has provisionally started running the system in Osaka and Hyogo Prefectures since last April.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Lucca, 9 December 11

 

On June 24, the Disaster Control Research Center in Tohoku University announced that they have developed a program to disseminate the information related to tsunami to local authorities by the Internet. The program can forecast the height of tsunami and size of flooded area every 50 meters square based on the geographic and tide indicator data that the center observed. The center has been sending information to Osaka and Hyogo Prefectures on a trial basis since this April.

 

添削

 

On June 24, the Disaster Control Research Center in at Tohoku University announced that they had have developed a computer program to forecast and disseminate the information related to a tsunami to local authorities by the Internet. The program can forecast the height of a tsunami and the size of flooded area for every 50 meters square based on the geographic and tide indicator data that the center has observed in the past. The center has been sending the information to Osaka and Hyogo Prefectures on a trial basis since this April.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 24, the Disaster Control Research Center at Tohoku University announced that they had developed a computer program to forecast and disseminate information related to a tsunami to local authorities by the Internet. The program can forecast the height of a tsunami and the size of flooded area for every 50 meters square based on the geographic and tide indicator data that the center has observed in the past. The center has been sending the information to Osaka and Hyogo Prefectures on a trial basis since this April.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(かい、6 July 11

 

On July 24, Disaster Control Research of Tohoku University announced that they developed the system forecasting a height and a flood scale of tsunami in fifty meters square and transmitting those informations to local governments by internet. The system calculates those based on the data of a terrain and a tide indicator and is operated on a trial basis in Osaka and Hyogo Prefecture from this April .

 

添削

 

On July 24, the Disaster Control Research Center of Tohoku University announced that they developed the a program1 system forecasting a height and a flooded area scale of a tsunami in fifty meters square and transmitting those this informations to local governments by the internet. The system program calculates those the forecasts based on the data of a terrain and those from a tide indicators. and The program is has being operateding2 on a trial basis in Osaka and Hyogo Prefecture from this April .

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       英語のa systemは法律制度、教育制度のような包括的なモノを指します。日本語でつかうシステムは英語ではa programに当たるときが多いです。

 

2.       正確にはこのプログラムは人間が動かしているわけですから、受動態でThe program is operated on a trial basis.ですが、この問題のような例では、operateを自動詞(動いている)として使い、The program operates on a trial basis.と表現することが多いです。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 24, the Disaster Control Research Center of Tohoku University announced that they developed a program forecasting a height and a flooded area of a tsunami in fifty meters square and transmitting this information to local governments by the internet. The program calculates the forecasts based on the data of a terrain and those from tide indicators. The program has being operating on a trial basis in Osaka and Hyogo Prefecture from this April .

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 24 March 10

 

The Disaster Control Research Center of Tohoku University announced on June 24 that they had successfully developed a system capable of forecasting the height of a tsunami and the scale of ensuing floods for each area of 50 meters squire grid and transmitting them to the local governments concerned via the internet. The system works out such forecasts on the basis of topographic data and observations from tide gauges. The system has been operationally tested in Osaka and Hyogo Prefectures since April this year.

 

添削

 

The Disaster Control Research Center of Tohoku University announced on June 24 that they had successfully developed a system capable of forecasting the height of a tsunami and the scale of ensuing floods for each area of 50 meters squire in a specific area grid and transmitting the forecast them to the local governments of the area concerned via the internet. The system works out such a forecasts1 on the basis of topographic data and observations from tide gauges. The system has been operationally tested in Osaka and Hyogo Prefectures since April this year.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       単数形である一つの予測について話したほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Disaster Control Research Center of Tohoku University announced on June 24 that they had successfully developed a system capable of forecasting the height of a tsunami and the scale of ensuing floods for each 50 meters squire in a specific area and transmitting the forecast to the local government of the area via the internet. The system works out such a forecast on the basis of topographic data and observations from tide gauges. The system has been operationally tested in Osaka and

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 16 October 08

 

On June 24, the Disaster Control Research Center of Tohoku University announced that they had developed a new system which would inform municipalities their forecast about the height of tsunami and the magnitude of floods caused by tsunami within a 50-meters-square of the disaster area via the Internet. The information is forecast by calculating the data of topography and tidal level observation. Since this April, the system has been experimentally carried out in Osaka and Hyogo prefectures.

 

添削

 

On June 24, the Disaster Control Research Center of Tohoku University announced that they had developed a new system which would inform municipalities, via the Internet1, of their forecast about of the height of a tsunami and the magnitude of floods caused by the tsunami with the accuracy of within a 50-meters-square in of the disaster area via the Internet. The information is forecast is by calculatinged2 from topographical the data of topography and observations of tidal levels observation. Since this April, the system has been experimentally operating carried out in Osaka and Hyogo prefectures.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       大切な情報なので文の前の方に入れるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       このようにするとforecast, calculateという二つの動詞を使わずに一つになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 24, the Disaster Control Research Center of Tohoku University announced that they had developed a new system which would inform municipalities, via the Internet, of their forecast of the height of a tsunami and the magnitude of floods caused by the tsunami with the accuracy of a 50-meters-square in the disaster area. The forecast is calculated from topographical data and observations of tidal levels. Since this April, the system has been experimentally operating in Osaka and Hyogo prefectures.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、25 September 07

 

Disaster Control Research Center of Tohoku University announced a development of a system which could predict a height of tsunami and a magnitude of flood with the accuracy of 50 meters square and which could inform a local government of the data via the Internet. The data is calculated by terrain condition and tidal data. From this April, the system has been introduced on a trial basis in Osaka prefecture and Hyogo prefecture.

 

添削

 

On June 24, the Disaster Control Research Center of Tohoku University announced a development of a system which could predict a height of tsunami and the area of flood caused by the tsunami1 a magnitude of flood with the accuracy of 50 meters square2 and which could inform send the information to a local governments of the data via the Internet. The data is are3 calculated from by terrain conditions and tidal data. Since From this April, the system has been introduced on a trial basis in to Osaka pPrefecture and Hyogo pPrefecture.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       floodは初めて文書にでてくるので、このような説明を付けるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       with the accuracy of 50 meters squareがわかりやすいですね。

 

3.       dataは不思議な単語で元来は複数形ですが、データ一般として単数形で使われることもあります。ただし、技術的な内容を持つ文章では複数形で使われるのが一般的です。ここでもいろいろな内容を持つデータなので複数形にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 24, the Disaster Control Research Center of Tohoku University announced a development of a system which could predict a height of tsunami and the area of flood caused by the tsunami with the accuracy of 50 meters square and send the information to  local governments via the Internet. The data are calculated from terrain conditions and tidal data. Since this April, the system has been introduced on a trial basis to Osaka Prefecture and Hyogo Prefecture.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、3 September 07

 

The Disaster Control Research Center in Tohoku University announced on June 24 that it predicted the height of tsunami and the flood scale in the area of 50 meters square and developed the system that informs a self-governing body of its data on the Internet. Its data are calculated based on topography data and observation data with a tide indicator. The system has been being operated in Osaka and Hyogo Prefecture on trial since this April.

 

添削

 

The Disaster Control Research Center in at Tohoku University announced on June 24 that it had developed a system that could predicted the height of a tsunami and the area flooded by the tsunami scale in by the area of 50 square-meters and then send the information, via the Internet, to local governments. square and developed the system that informs a self-governing body of its data on the Internet. The forecasts Its data are calculated based on topographyical data and observations by data with a tide indicators. The system has been being operated in Osaka and Hyogo Prefecture on a trial basis since this April1.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、it predicted the height of tsunami and the flood scale in the area of 50 meters square and developed the system that informs a self-governing body of its dataのところがよくわかりません。津波の予報をした、そしてシステムを開発した、となり両者の関係がはっきりしません。添削のように先ず、システムを開発した、としてからこのシステムの説明をするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Disaster Control Research Center at Tohoku University announced on June 24 that it had developed a system that could predict the height of a tsunami and the area flooded by the tsunami by the area of 50 square-meters and then send the information, via the Internet, to local governments. The forecasts are calculated based on topographical data and observations by tide indicators. The system has been operated in Osaka and Hyogo Prefecture on a trial basis since this April.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kappa2004, 7 June 07

 

On June 24, Disaster Control Research Center of Tohoku University announced that they have developed a system to forecast Tsunami wave height and flood size over 50 meters in all directions and transfer data to the government by website. It calculates from observation data of geography and tidal position. Since last April this year, it has been experimentally operating in Osaka and Hyogo Prefecture. 

 

添削

 

On June 24, the Disaster Control Research Center of Tohoku University announced that they have had1 developed a system to forecast the height of Tsunami wave height and the extent of flooded area size over by 50 square-meters in all directions and transfer the information data to the local government via the Internet by website. It The system2 can calculates this information from observation data of geographyical and tidal data position. Since last April this year, it the system has been experimentally operating in Osaka and Hyogo Prefecture. 

 

コメント

 

1.       announced 〈過去形〉より前なのでhad developed(過去完了形)にするのが、英語の時間感覚です。

 

2.       代名詞を使わずに、文中に既出の名詞を使うと何を指しているのかはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 24, the Disaster Control Research Center of Tohoku University announced that they had developed a system to forecast the height of Tsunami t and the extent of flooded area by a 50-meters square 50 square-meters1 and transfer the information to local government via the Internet . The system can calculate this information from geographical and tidal data . Since April this year, the system has been experimentally operating in Osaka and Hyogo Prefecture. 

 

訂正

 

50平方メートル50 square metersと50メートル四方a 50-meters squareを混同しました。

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、9 September 05

 

The Disaster Control Research Center in the Tohoku University announced they invented a system that estimates height of tsunami and scale of flood in size of 50 meters square and send the information to the municipalities on the Internet. They calculate the height of tsunami and the scale of flood based on the topographical date and information from the tide level observation. This system has been in the trial operation in Osaka and Hyogo Prefecture since April.

 

添削

 

The Disaster Control Research Center in at the Tohoku University announced that they invented a system that could1 estimates the height of tsunami and the scale of flood in size of 50 meters square and send the information to the municipalities on the Internet. They The Center2 can calculate the height of tsunami and the scale of flood based on the basis3 on of the topographical date and information from the tide level observation. This system has been in the trial operation in Osaka and Hyogo Prefecture since April.

 

コメント

 

1.       このシステムは勿論現在も使われていますが、announcedに合わせて時制の一致でcouldと過去形にします。時制の一致の文法は現在は変化してきているので、このような場合にcanと現在形にする人も増えています。しかし実務文では文法は少し古風なほうがformalで〈私は〉良いとおもいます。

 

2.       The Centerとしたほうが主語がはっきりするでしょう。

 

3.       calculate the height of tsunami based on information from the tide level observationcalculate the height of tsunami on the basis of information from the tide level observationでは微妙な相違があります。前者は「(他のデータもあるのだが)潮位計の観測データによる津波の高さというものを計算する。」という感じになり、後者は「潮位計の観測データ基づいて(これから)計算する。」という感じです。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Disaster Control Research Center at the Tohoku University announced that they invented a system that could estimate the height of tsunami and the scale of flood in size of 50 meters square and send the information to municipalities on the Internet. The Center can calculate the height of tsunami and the scale of flood on the basis of topographical date and information from the tide level observation. This system has been in the trial operation in Osaka and Hyogo Prefecture since April.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、21 July 05

 

The Disaster Control Research Center of Tohoku University announced on June 24 that it had succeeded in developing a new system. The system can predict the height of tsunami tidal waves and the scale of inundation in an area of 50 meters square and advise municipalities of those results via the Internet. The predictions are issued on the basis of geographical and tidegauge data. Osaka and Hyogo Prefectures have been using the system on a trial basis since this April.

 

添削

 

The Disaster Control Research Center of Tohoku University announced on June 24 that it had succeeded in developing a new system for forecasting the damage of a tsunami1. The system can predict forecast2 the height of tsunami tidal waves and the scale of inundation in an area of 50 meters square meter unit. and 3Then the system advise sends the results to municipalities of those results via the Internet. The predictions forecasts are issued on the basis of the geographical and tidal egauge data of the municipalities. Osaka and Hyogo Prefectures have been using the system on a trial basis since this April.

 

コメント

 

1.       最初の文なのでどんなシステムか簡単な説明があるほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       天気予報と同じように津波の被害を予報するのでpredictよりforecastがよいでしょう。

 

3.       文が長くなるのでここから新しい文にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Disaster Control Research Center of Tohoku University announced on June 24 that it had succeeded in developing a new system for forecasting the damage of a tsunami. The system can forecast the height of tsunami tidal waves and the scale of inundation in a 50 square meter unit. Then the system sends the results to municipalities via the Internet. The forecasts are issued on the basis of the geographical and tidal data of the municipalities. Osaka and Hyogo Prefectures have been using the system on a trial basis since April.

 

 

初級練習問題 203

 

東京消防庁によると、6月24日午後4時45分ごろ、東京都立川市柴崎町の雑居ビル地下1階にある焼き肉店で7人が体調不良を訴えた。7人ともガス漏れによるとみられる一酸化炭素中毒症状で重症になったが命の危険は無い。

 

読者からの投稿 10(Buru, 13 August 16

 

According to Tokyo Fire Department, about 4:45pm on June 24, seven people called for deconditioning at a BBQ restaurant. The restaurant was at the basement 1 in a multiple tenant building at Sibazaki-cho Tachikawa City in Tokyo. The fire department investigated the incident which was caused by gas leakage. Seven of all have been quite serious condition under the symptom of carbon monoxide poisoning but they are not danger to their life

 

添削

 

According to the Tokyo Fire Department, about 4:45pm on June 24, seven people got sick called for deconditioning at a BBQ restaurant. The restaurant was at on the first-floor basement 1 in of a multiple tenant building at Sibazaki-cho Tachikawa City in Tokyo. The fire department investigated the incident and determined that they got sick which was caused by a gas leakage. All Sseven of them all have been quite were in the serious condition with under the symptom of carbon monoxide poisoning but they are were not in danger of to their life

 

コメント

 

seven people called for deconditioningの意味が推測はできますが、よくわかりません。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to the Tokyo Fire Department, about 4:45pm on June 24, seven people got sick  at a BBQ restaurant on the first-floor basement of a multiple tenant building at Sibazaki-cho Tachikawa City in Tokyo. The fire department investigated the incident and determined that they got sick by a gas leakage. All seven of them were in the serious condition with carbon monoxide poisoning but they were not in danger of their life

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Lucca, 9 December 11

 

At around 04:45 on June 24, seven people got sick in a beef barbecue restaurant on the first basement level of a multi-tenant building at Shibazaki Town in Tachikawa City, Tokyo, the Tokyo Fire Department announced. They became dangerously ill by carbon monoxide poisoning due to gas leaking, but were out of critical condition.

 

添削

 

At around 04:45 pm on June 24, seven people got sick at in a beef barbecue restaurant on the first basement level of a multi-tenant building at Shibazaki Town in Tachikawa City, Tokyo, the Tokyo Fire Department announced. They Those customers became seriously dangerously ill by carbon monoxide poisoning caused by due to gas leaking gas, but recovered were out of their critical conditions.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

At around 4:45 pm on June 24, seven people got sick at a beef barbecue restaurant on the first basement level of a multi-tenant building at Shibazaki Town in Tachikawa City, Tokyo, the Tokyo Fire Department announced. Those customers became seriously ill by carbon monoxide poisoning caused by leaking gas but recovered out of their critical conditions.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(かい、10 July 11

 

According to the Tokyo Fire Department , seven people said a feeling of unwellness in a Yakiniku restaurant located in a multitenant building in Shibasaki Town ,Tachikawa City ,Tokyo around 4:45 pm on June 24. Though all of them were severely diseased by carbon monoxide intoxication that was thought a cause as a gas leak, there were no dangerous to their life.

 

添削

 

According to the Tokyo Fire Department , seven people felt sick said a feeling of unwellness at in a barbeque Yakiniku restaurant located in a multi-tenant building in Shibasaki Town ,Tachikawa City ,Tokyo around 4:45 pm on June 24. Though all of them were severely diseased affected by carbon monoxide intoxication that was thought a to be caused as by a gas leak1, there was were no dangerous to their life lives.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       添削のようにするか、またはcarbon monoxide intoxication that was thought a the cause of their sickness as a gas leakとしないと、意味が通じません。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to the Tokyo Fire Department, seven people felt sick at a barbeque restaurant located in a multi-tenant building in Shibasaki Town ,Tachikawa City,Tokyo around 4:45 pm on June 24. Though all of them were severely affected by carbon monoxide intoxication that was thought to be caused by a gas leak, there was no danger to their lives.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 24 March 10

 

The Tokyo Fire Department said that seven people got sick at a broiled meat restaurant on the first basement level of a multi-tenant building at Shibasaki-cho in Tachikawa City, Tokyo around 4:45 pm on June 24. There was no threat to their lives although all of them had severe symptoms of carbon monoxide intoxication presumably caused by a gas leakage.

 

添削

 

The Tokyo Fire Department said that seven people got sick at a broiled meat restaurant on the first basement level of a multi-tenant building at Shibasaki-cho in Tachikawa City, Tokyo around 4:45 pm on June 24. There was no threat to their lives although all of them had severe symptoms of carbon monoxide intoxication presumably caused by a gas leakage.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。ガス漏れは多分料理に使ったガスレンジからでしょうが、日本文には書いてありませんね。

 

添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 18 October 08

 

According to the announcement by the Tokyo Metropolitan Fire Defense Agency, seven customers claimed they had felt sick at Korean barbecue restaurant on the first underground floor in a multi-tenant building at Shibasaki Town in Tachikawa City, Tokyo around 4:45 pm on June 24. All of the seven had fallen into serious condition with CO intoxication possibly caused by a gas leak but there is no threat to their lives.

 

添削

 

According to the an announcement by the Tokyo Metropolitan Fire Defense Agency, seven customers got claimed they had felt sick1 at a Korean barbecue restaurant on the first underground floor in a multi-tenant building at Shibasaki Town in Tachikawa City, Tokyo around 4:45 pm on June 24. All of them seven fell2 had fallen into a serious condition with CO intoxication, possibly caused by a gas leak, but there was is no threat to their lives.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。「6月24日午後4時45分ごろ、東京都立川市柴崎町の雑居ビル地下1階にある焼き肉店で」という日時と場所の表現を練習する問題ですが、わかりやすくせいりしてあります。

 

1.       「体調不良を訴えた」は「気分が悪くなった」get sickでよいでしょう。

 

2.       過去の出来事の報告なので、単に過去形でよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to an announcement by the Tokyo Metropolitan Fire Defense Agency, seven customers got sick at a Korean barbecue restaurant on the first underground floor in a multi-tenant building at Shibasaki Town in Tachikawa City, Tokyo around 4:45 pm on June 24. All of them fell into a serious condition with CO intoxication, possibly caused by a gas leak, but there was no threat to their lives.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、26 September 07

 

Tokyo Fire Department announced that, around 4.45 p.m. on June 24th, seven customers reviled their bad condition at a broiled meat restaurant in the first basement level of a multi-tenant building in Shibasakicho, Tachikawa City in Tokyo. All of them are in serious condition caused by CO intoxication which a gas leak is suspected as a cause of, and, fortunately, there is no threat to their life.

 

添削

 

The Metropolitan Fire Defense Agency1 Tokyo Fire Department announced that, around 4.45 p.m. on June 24th, seven customers became ill2 reviled their bad condition at a broiled meat restaurant in the first basement level of a multi-tenant building at in Shibasakicho, in Tachikawa City, in Tokyo. All of them are in serious conditions caused by CO intoxication which a gas leak is suspected as to be the a cause of, and, but fortunately, there is no threat to their life.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、seven customers reviled their bad condition at a broiled meat restaurant がわかりません。revileは憎む、悪口を言う、ですから「七人の客が焼き肉屋で彼らの劣悪な状況の悪口を言った?」となります。焼肉屋の客扱いが悪かったのでしょうか?

 

1.       これが正式な英語名称です。

 

2.       「体調不良を訴えた」と日本文にありますが、英文では客観的な状況の記述としてbecame illでよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Metropolitan Fire Defense Agency t announced that around 4.45 p.m. on June 24th, seven customers became ill at a broiled meat restaurant in the first basement level of a multi-tenant building at Shibasakicho in Tachikawa City, Tokyo. All of them are in serious conditions caused by CO intoxication which a gas leak is suspected to be the cause but fortunately there is no threat to their life.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、2 September 07

 

According to the Tokyo Fire Department, around 4:45 p.m. on June 24, seven people were in bad condition at a beef barbecue restaurant on the first basement level of a multi-tenant building at Shibazaki Town in Tokyo's Tachikawa City. All of them became desperately ill in anthracemia caused by a gas leak, but they did not have a life-threatening condition.

 

添削

 

According to the Tokyo Fire Department, around 4:45 p.m. on June 24, seven people were became seriously sick in bad condition at a beef barbecue restaurant in on the first basement level of a multi-tenant building at Shibazaki Town in Tokyo's Tachikawa City around 4:45 p.m. on June 24,. Apparently, they had All of them became desperately ill in anthracemia caused by a gas leak, but they did not have a life-threatening condition1.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが、添削のように内容の順序を変えるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to the Tokyo Fire Department, seven people became seriously sick at a beef barbecue restaurant in the first basement level of a multi-tenant building at Shibazaki Town in Tokyo's Tachikawa City around 4:45 p.m. on June 24. Apparently, they had anthracemia caused by a gas leak but they did not have a life-threatening condition.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kappa2004, 7 June 07

 

According to Tokyo Fire Fighting Agency, around 4:45pm on June 24, seven people complained of bad health conditions at a Korean barbecue shop at the first underground floor of multipurpose building in Shibazaki Cho, Tachikawa City, Tokyo. All the seven were seriously hurt of CO gas poisoning but in no risk of their lives. 

 

添削

 

According to the Metropolitan Fire Defense Tokyo Fire Fighting Agency, around 4:45pm on June 24, seven people became seriously ill complained of bad health conditions1 at a Korean barbecue shop restaurant at on the first underground floor of a multipurpose building in Shibazaki Cho, Tachikawa City, Tokyo. It appears that All the seven they were seriously hurt of by CO gas poisoning but are not in no risk of their lives life. 

 

コメント

 

1.       「体調不良を訴えた」はcomplained of feeling sickでもよいですが、文章の内容からすると、添削のようにbecame seriously illと直裁に表現したほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to the Metropolitan Fire Defense Agency, around 4:45pm on June 24, seven people became seriously ill at a Korean barbecue restaurant on the first underground floor of a multipurpose building in Shibazaki Cho, Tachikawa City, Tokyo. It appears that they were seriously hurt by CO gas poisoning but are not in risk of their life. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、12 September 05

 

According to the Fire Department of the Metropolitan Government of Tokyo, seven people complained sick feeling at a beef barbecue restaurant in the basement of a multi-tenant building in Shibasaki Cho, Tachikawa City in Tokyo around 4:45 p.m. on June 24. All of seven people are in critical condition due to carbon monoxide poisoning that was probably caused by gas leak, but their lives are in no danger.

 

添削

 

According to the Fire Department of the Metropolitan Government of Tokyo, seven people complained sick feeling sick at a beef barbecue restaurant in the basement of a multi-tenant building in Shibasaki Cho, Tachikawa City in Tokyo around 4:45 p.m. on June 24.1 All of seven people are became seriously ill2 in critical condition due to carbon monoxide poisoning that was probably caused by a gas leak, but they have recovered and3 their lives are no longer in no danger.

 

コメント

 

「6月24日午後4時45分ごろ、東京都立川市柴崎町の雑居ビル地下1階にある焼き肉店で」という長い場所と日時の説明がわかりやすいですね。英文ではちょうど日本文の後ろから逆に並べた順序になりますね。

 

わりと早く回復したようなのでin critical conditions(危篤状態に)よりseriously illがよいでしょう。

 

この補足説明を入れたほうが時間的経過があってよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to the Fire Department of the Metropolitan Government of Tokyo, seven people complained feeling sick at a beef barbecue restaurant in the basement of a multi-tenant building in Shibasaki Cho, Tachikawa City in Tokyo around 4:45 p.m. on June 24. All of seven people became seriously ill due to carbon monoxide poisoning that was probably caused by a gas leak, but they have recovered and their lives are no longer in danger.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、23 July 05

 

The Tokyo Fire Department said that seven people complained about their health problems at a beef barbecue restaurant in the first basement level of a multi-tenant building in Shibasaki-cho, Tachikawa City, Tokyo around 4:45 p.m. on June 24. All of them were in serious condition with carbon monoxide poisoning caused by possible gas leakage, but there is no threat to their lives.

 

添削

 

The Tokyo Fire Department1 said that seven people complained about their health problems became ill2 at a beef barbecue restaurant in the first basement level of a multi-tenant building in Shibasaki-cho, Tachikawa City, Tokyo around 4:45 p.m. on June 24. All of them were in a serious condition with carbon monoxide poisoning caused by a possible gas leakage, but there is no threat to their lives their life is not in danger3.

 

コメント

 

1.       東京消防庁の英語名称はthe Tokyo Metropolitan Fire Defense Agencyです。

 

2.       焼肉店で「どうもこのごろ体の調子が悪くってね」というような話をしている、ともとれますから、直裁にbecame illがよいでしょう。

 

3.       添削のようにすると文の前半との関連がよくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Tokyo Fire Department said that seven people became ill at a beef barbecue restaurant in the first basement level of a multi-tenant building in Shibasaki-cho, Tachikawa City, Tokyo around 4:45 p.m. on June 24. All of them were in a serious condition with carbon monoxide poisoning caused by a possible gas leakage but their life is not in danger.

 

 

初級練習問題 204

 

ホンダは6月24日、中国広東省広州市の合弁生産会社「本田汽車(中国)」で生産した小型乗用車「ジャズ」(日本名フィット)の欧州向け輸出を開始した。中国で外資系メーカーが現地生産車を本格的に輸出するのは初めてで、中国側からも大きな期待が寄せられている。

 

読者からの投稿 10(BURU, 17 August 16

 

According to Honda Japan on June 24, Honda China has started the exportation of small vehicles, Jazz (Japanese name Fit) , to European countries. The vehicles have been fabricated by Honda China at Canton City, China, which is a joint venture company of Honda Japan. This is the first time for the foreign automakers to export the fully local fabricated vehicles. So, Chinese government also has many expected this business.

 

添削

 

According to Honda Japan on June 24, Honda China has started exporting the exportation of  its small vehicles, Jazz (Japanese name Fit) , to European countries. The vehicles have been fabricated by Honda China at Canton City, China, which is a joint venture company of Honda Japan. This is was the first time for a the foreign automakers in China to export the a fully locally fabricated vehicles. So, the Chinese government also has high hopes of increasing exports of the vehicles many expected this business.

 

コメント

 

So, Chinese government also has many expected this business.の所がわかりません。添削のように内容を具体的に表現するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to Honda Japan , Honda China has started exporting its small vehicle, Jazz (Japanese name Fit) , to European countries. The vehicles have been fabricated by Honda China at Canton City, China, which is a joint venture company of Honda Japan. This was the first time for a foreign automaker in China to export a fully locally fabricated vehicle. So, the Chinese government also has high hopes of increasing exports of the vehicles .

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Lucca, 13 Dec 11

 

On June 24, Honda Motor Company started exporting the compact car called "Jazz" , which is known as "Fit" in Japan, to Europe. "Jazz"is produced by the Honda's joint venture company at Guangzhou City in Guangdong Province, China. This is the first case that a foreign-affiliated automobile company in China officially exports locally-produced cars to foreign countries. The Government of China is expecting a great success for this project.

 

添削

 

On June 24, Honda Motor Company started exporting the a compact car called "Jazz" , which is known as "Fit" in Japan, to Europe. "Jazz" is produced by the Honda's joint venture company at Guangzhou City in Guangdong Province, China. This is was the first case that a foreign-affiliated automobile company in China officially exportsed locally-produced cars to foreign countries on a regular basis1. The Government of China is hoping2 expecting a great success for this project.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       実験的には輸出の実績はあるが、本格的には初めてだ、と言うことだと思います。

 

2.       まだ楽観できない情勢の話なので、expectより確実性の少ないhopeがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 24, Honda Motor Company started exporting a compact car called "Jazz”, which is known as "Fit" in Japan, to Europe. "Jazz" is produced by the Honda's joint venture company at Guangzhou City in Guangdong Province, China. This was the first case that a foreign-affiliated automobile company in China exported locally-produced cars to foreign countries on a regular basis. The Government of China is hoping a great success for this project.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(かい、13 July 11

 

Honda started an export of a car named as Jazz ( Fitt in Japanese name) , which was produced by joint manufacturing company “Honda China” in Koshu City , Gungdong province, China, to Europe on April 24. It is the first time that a foreign-affiliated maker in China exports cars of local production in earnest, and Chinese government also expects that very much.

 

添削

 

Honda started an exporting of a small passenger car named as Jazz ( Fitt in Japanese name) , which was produced by a Japan-China joint manufacturing company “Honda China” in Guangzhou1 Koshu City , Gungdong pProvince, China, to Europe on April 24. It This2 was is the first time that a foreign-affiliated car maker in China exportsed locally produced cars of local production in earnest, and the Chinese gGovernment was hoping its success too also expects that very much.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       広州の正式な英語表記です。

 

2.       目下話題にしていることなのでthisになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Honda started exporting a small passenger car named Jazz ( Fitt in Japan), which was produced by a Japan-China joint manufacturing company “Honda China” in Guangzhou  City , Gungdong Province, China, to Europe on April 24.  This was the first time that a foreign-affiliated car maker in China exported locally produced cars in earnest, and the Chinese Government was hoping its success too.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 24 March 10

 

On June 24, Honda Motor Co. started exporting to European market a small passenger car “Jazz”, European version of “Fit” in Japan, manufactured at its joint venture, Honda Motor China, in Guangzhou City, Guangdong Province. Since this is the first case in China for a foreign-affiliated car manufacturer to export in full swing locally-produced cars, the Chinese government is looking forward to the development of the export with a great deal of expectations as well.

 

添削

 

On June 24, Honda Motor Co. started exporting to European market a small passenger car “Jazz”, a European version of “Fit” in Japan, manufactured at its joint venture, Honda Motor China, in Guangzhou City, Guangdong Province. Since this is the first case in China for a foreign-affiliated car manufacturer to export in full swing locally-produced cars on a large scale, the Chinese government is also looking forward to the development of the export with a great deal of expectations as well.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 24, Honda Motor Co. started exporting to European market a small passenger car “Jazz”, a European version of “Fit” in Japan, manufactured at its joint venture, Honda Motor China, in Guangzhou City, Guangdong Province. Since this is the first case in China for a foreign-affiliated car manufacturer to export locally-produced cars on a large scale, the Chinese government is also looking forward to the development of the export with a great deal of expectations .

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 19 October 08

 

Honda Motor Co. started exporting a compact car "Jazz", as known as "Fit" in Japan, toward the Europe market on June 24. The "Jazz" has been manufactured by Honda Motor (China), an affiliated manufacturer of Honda Motor Co. in Guangzhou City, Guang Dong Province, China. This is the first time that a foreign manufacturer in China exports locally-manufactured cars on a full scale and China has great expectation as well as Honda Motor Co. in Japan.

 

添削

 

Honda Motor Co. started exporting a its made-in China1 compact car "Jazz", as known as "Fit" in Japan, to toward the European market on June 24. The "Jazz" has been manufactured by Honda Motor (China), an affiliated manufacturer of Honda Motor Co. in Guangzhou City, Guang Dong Province, China. This is the first time that a foreign manufacturer in China exports locally-manufactured cars on a full scale and China, has great expectation as well as Honda Motor Co. in Japan, strongly wishes its success2.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「中国にある合弁会社製の」ということを最初の文に短く入れたほうがよいので、こんな風にしてみました。

 

2.       「中国側からも大きな期待が寄せられている」は「中国〈政府、合弁会社?〉この成功を強く願っている」ということだとおもいます。China has great expectations of its success.とすると「中国は成功を確信している」となってしまうので、China strongly wishes its success. にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Honda Motor Co. started exporting its made-in China compact car "Jazz", as known as "Fit" in Japan, to the European market on June 24. The "Jazz" has been manufactured by Honda Motor (China), an affiliated manufacturer of Honda Motor Co. in Guangzhou City, Guang Dong Province, China. This is the first time that a foreign manufacturer in China exports locally-manufactured cars on a full scale and China, as well as Honda Motor Co. in Japan, strongly wishes its success.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、27 September 07

 

On June 24, HONDA started to export "Jazz", which is a compact car and is called "Fit" in Japan, to Europe. The Jazz is manufactured by Honda Automobile (China) Co., Ltd. in Guangzhou City in China's Guang Dong Province. It is the first time in China for a foreign manufacture to export their locally-produced car. The success of the export is expected by not only Honda but also the Chinese Government

 

添削

 

On June 24, HONDA Honda Automobile China started to export its compact car, "Jazz,", which is a compact car and is (called "Fit" in Japan), to Europe from its plant . The Jazz is manufactured by Honda Automobile (China) Co., Ltd. in Guangzhou City in China's Guang Dong Province. This was It is the first time in China for a foreign automobile manufacture in China to export their its locally-produced cars. Both Honda and the Chinese Government are looking forward to Tthe success of the export is expected by not only Honda but also the Chinese Government1

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかりますが、添削のように最初の文でHonda Automobile Chinaを出すと、HondaHonda Automobile Chinaの両者を述べる必要がなくなり、わかりやすくなるでしょう。

 

1.       「期待が寄せられている」は「そうなって欲しいとおもっている」ですね。The success is expected. は「多分、成功するだろう」という意味です。I am looking forward to ~. I expect ~.の意味の違いを較べるとこのことがとわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 24, Honda Automobile China started to export its compact car, "Jazz," (called "Fit" in Japan), to Europe from its plant in Guangzhou City in China's Guang Dong Province. This was the first time for a foreign automobile manufacture in China to export its locally-produced cars. Both Honda and the Chinese Government are looking forward to the success of the export

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、7 September 07

 

On June 24, Honda started the export of a compact car, "Jazz"Japanese name : Fitto Europe. These cars are being manufacturing in a joint venture, Chinese Honda car in Guangzhou City in China's Guang Dong Province. A foreign affiliated maker in China exported cars manufactured in China for the first time on a full scale. Chinese government has also great expectations.

 

添削

 

On June 24, Honda started the export of a compact car, "Jazz"Japanese name : Fitto Europe from its affiliate in China. These cars are being manufacturing in a joint venture, Chinese Honda China, car in Guangzhou City in China's Guang Dong Province. This is the first time Aa foreign- affiliated car maker in China exported cars manufactured in China for the first time on a full scale1. The Chinese gGovernment is looking forward to its success has also2 great expectations.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかります。(1)は添削のようにすると内容がはっきりします。(2)のalsoは「では他に誰が期待しているのか?」という疑問がでます。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 24, Honda started the export of a compact car, "Jazz" (Japanese name : Fit), to Europe from its affiliate in China. These cars are being manufacturing in a joint venture, Honda China, in Guangzhou City in China's Guang Dong Province. This is the first time a foreign-affiliated car maker in China exported cars manufactured in China on a full scale1. The Chinese Government is looking forward to its success .

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kappa2004, 13 June 07

 

On June 24, Honda started to export for Europe Jazz (Fit in Japan), small passenger cars which are produced in Honda Automobile China, a joint venture production company in Guanozhou, Guangdong, China.  In China, it is the first time that a foreign manufacturer export local produced car in such large scale. Chinese government has a big prospect on this export.

 

添削

 

On June 24, Honda started to export for to Europe Jazz (called Fit in Japan), a small passenger cars which are is produced in by Honda Automobile China1, a joint venture production company in Guanozhou, Guangdong Province, China.  In China, it this2 is the first time that a foreign manufacturer exports locally produced cars in such a large scale. The Chinese gGovernment has a big prospect expectation for its success on this export.

 

コメント

 

1.       Honda Automobile Chinaは会社名なのでbyになります。produced in the Honda Automobile China’s factory in Guanzhouとすればinになります。

 

2.       直前の文の内容を指しているのでthisがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 24, Honda started to export to Europe Jazz (called Fit in Japan), a small passenger car which is produced by Honda Automobile China, a joint venture in Guanozhou, Guangdong Province, China. In China, this is the first time that a foreign manufacturer exports locally produced cars in such a large scale. The Chinese Government has a big expectation for its success .

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、12 September 05

 

On June 24, Honda, a Japanese carmaker, started to export the compact passenger car "Jazz"( that is called "fit" in Japan) to Europe. "Jazz" is manufactured by a joint venture, "Honda Automobile (China) co., Ltd" headquartered in Guangzhou City in Guangdong Province, China. It is the first time that a foreign affiliated company in China exports cars in full-scale and Chinese side also expects its success.

 

添削

 

On June 24, Honda, a Japanese carmaker, started to export the a compact passenger car "Jazz"( that is called the"fFit" in Japan) to Europe. The "Jazz" is was1 manufactured by a joint venture, "Honda Automobile (China) cCo., Ltd.", headquartered in Guangzhou City in Guangdong Province, China. It isThis was the first time that a foreign affiliated company in China exportsed cars automobiles in full-scale and the Chinese side also expects is placing great hopes on2 its success.

 

コメント

 

1.       最初の文のstartedという時制に合わせて過去形になります。

2.       the Chinese side expects its successというと「〈輸出の〉成功を(かなり確実に)期待している。」という意味になります。「中国側からも大きな期待が寄せられている。」は「「〈輸出がどれだけ成功するかまだわからないが、成功するのではないかと〉大きな希望を持っている」ということだと思いますから、添削のようにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 24, Honda, a Japanese carmaker, started to export a compact passenger car "Jazz"( that is called the"Fit" in Japan) to Europe. The Jazz was manufactured by a joint venture, Honda Automobile (China) Co., Ltd., headquartered in Guangzhou City in Guangdong Province, China. This was the first time that a foreign affiliated company in China exported automobiles in full-scale and the Chinese side is placing great hopes on its success.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、23 July 05

 

On June 24, Honda Motor Co., Ltd. started exporting the JAZZ also known as the FIT in the Japanese market to Europe. The JAZZ is a compact passenger car produced by Honda Motor Co., Ltd. (China), joint venture corporation for production in Guangzhou in Guangdong Province, China. This is the first time that a foreign-invested manufacturer in China has started full-scale export of cars made in China. China also has great expectations of the project.

 

添削

 

On June 24, Honda Motor Co., Ltd. started exporting the a passenger car1, “JAZZ also (known as the FIT in the Japanese market) to Europe from a factory in China1. The JAZZ is a compact passenger car produced by Honda Motor Co., Ltd. (China), a joint venture corporation for production in Guangzhou, in Guangdong Province, China. This is the first time that a foreign-invested affiliated manufacturer in China has started full-scale export of cars made produced in China. and2 China also has great expectations of the project is looking forward to its success3.

 

コメント

 

1.       キーセンテンスなのでa passenger car, from a factory in Chinaと主要な情報を入れます。

 

2.       andでつないで前の文との関連が強いほうが良いでしょう。

 

3.       expectationsの中身を明示したほうがよいでしょう。has great expectations that the export should establish a good reputation for “made-in China” cars in the European market または添削のように間単に表現してもよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 24, Honda Motor Co., Ltd. started exporting a passenger car1, “JAZZ” (known as “FIT” in the Japanese market) to Europe from a factory in China. The JAZZ is a compact passenger car produced by Honda Motor Co., Ltd. (China), a joint venture corporation in Guangzhou, Guangdong Province, China. This is the first time that a foreign-affiliated manufacturer in China has started full-scale export of cars produced in China and China  is looking forward to its success.

 

 

初級練習問題 205

 

NHKを「必要だと思う」人が5年前より大きく減ったことが6月24日、NHK放送文化研究所が5年ごとに実施している世論調査「日本人とテレビ」で分かった。NHKが「ぜひ必要」「まあ必要」と回答した人は過去4回は計86−89%で推移していたが、今回は79%に落ち込んだ。一方、民放を「必要」と答えた人は前回並みの計87%だった。

 

読者からの投稿 10(BURU, 17 August 16

 

On June 24, an opinion poll was shown a result that the number of people, who consider to “need” NHK, has been many declined compared by five years ago. NHK Broadcasting Culture Research Institute conducted the opinion poll “Japanese and Television” every five years. People who replied “absolutely need” and “reasonably need” for NHK were between 86 and 89% for the last four researches. But this ratio dropped down to 79% this time. On the other hand, the number of people who replied for “need” for the private broadcastings were 87%. It was same as the previous research.

 

添削

 

On June 24, an opinion poll was shown a result that the number of people, who consider to “need” NHK, has been many declined compared by five years ago. The NHK Broadcasting Culture Research Institute has been conducteding an the opinion poll “Japanese and Television” every five years. The poll showed that Ppeople who replied “NHK is absolutely needed” and “NHK is more or less reasonably neededfor NHK were varied between 86% and 89% for the last four polls researches. But this ratio percentage dropped down to 79% in the current poll whose results were revealed on June 24 this time. On the other hand, the number of people who replied for private broadcasting is either absolutely or more or less neededfor the private broadcastings were was 87%. It This was same as the last poll previous research.

 

コメント

 

On June 24, an opinion poll was shown a result that the number of people, who consider to “need” NHK, has been many declined compared by five years ago.の所がわかりません。残りの文章の内容は推測できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The NHK Broadcasting Culture Research Institute has been conducting an opinion poll “Japanese and Television” every five years. The poll showed that people who replied “NHK is absolutely needed” and “NHK is more or less needed” varied between 86% and 89% for the last four polls. But this percentage dropped down to 79% in the current poll whose results were revealed on June 24. On the other hand, the number of people who replied  “ private broadcasting is either absolutely or more or less needed” was 87%. This was same as the last poll .

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Lucca, 15 December 11

 

On June 24, NHK Broadcasting Culture Research Institute released the survey called "Japanese and television" which had been conducted every five years. The survey revealed that the number of people who found NHK necessary significantly decreased from the previous survey. While the number of people who thought NHK was "absolutely" or "probably" necessary fluctuated between 86 and 89 percent in the last 4 surveys, the number of people sharing that view this time sank to 79 percent. Also, 87 percent of people found commercial televisions necessary. This figure was almost the same as that of the previous survey. 

 

添削

 

On June 24, the NHK Broadcasting Culture Research Institute released the results of a survey called "the Japanese People and tTelevision," which had been conducted every five years. The survey revealed that the number of people who found thought NHK necessary significantly decreased from the previous survey. While the number of people who thought NHK was "absolutely" or "probably" necessary fluctuated between 86 and 89 percent in the last 4 surveys, the number of people sharing that view this time sank to 79 percent. Also, 87 percent of people thought found commercial televisions necessary. This figure was almost the same as that of the previous survey. 

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 24, the NHK Broadcasting Culture Research Institute released the results of a survey called "the Japanese People and Television," which had been conducted every five years. The survey revealed that the number of people who thought NHK necessary significantly decreased from the previous survey. While the number of people who thought NHK was "absolutely" or "probably" necessary fluctuated between 86 and 89 percent in the last 4 surveys, the number of people sharing that view this time sank to 79 percent. Also, 87 percent of people thought commercial televisions necessary. This figure was almost the same as that of the previous survey. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(かい、13 July 11

 

On June 24, the opinion poll named as “Japanese citizen and television” , which was conducted by NHK Broadcasting Culture Research Center every five years, showed that the number of Japanese thinking of NHK as a necessary broadcasting largely decreased compared with five years ago. The poll also1 shows that the number of Japanese saying “absolute necessity” or “necessary up to a point ” about NHK was down to 79% in total in this occasion though the number had remained from 86 to 89% in total in the previous five polls. Meanwhile the number saying “Commercial TV was necessary” was 87% in total.

 

添削

 

On June 24, the an opinion poll named, as “Japanese cCitizens and tTelevision” , which was conducted by the NHK Broadcasting Culture Research Center conducted2 every five years,  was released. The results of the opinion poll showed that the number of Japanese thinking of NHK as a necessary broadcasting company largely decreased significantly over the last compared with five years ago. The poll also shows that The percentage the number of the Japanese saying,NHK is absolute necessity necessary” or “NHK is necessary necessary up to a point ” about NHK went was down to 79% from the range in total in this occasion though the number had remained from 86 to 89% in total in the previous five polls. Meanwhile the percentage of people number saying “Commercial TV stations are was necessary” remained at was 87% as in the previous poll in total.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、(1)にalsoとあるので、前の文の内容とは違うことをこの文は記述しているのではないか、と読者は間違えます。

 

2.       受動態より能動態のほうが一般的にわかりやすくなります。The NHK Broadcasting Culture Research Center conducts an opinion poll named, “Japanese Citizens and Television every five years. On June 24, it released the latest poll showing that ~.とすれば全部能動態になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 24, an opinion poll named, “Japanese Citizens and Television” , which the NHK Broadcasting Culture Research Center conducted every five years, was released. The results of the opinion poll showed that the number of Japanese thinking of NHK as a necessary broadcasting company decreased significantly over the last five years. The percentage of the Japanese saying, “NHK is absolute necessary” or “NHK is necessary up to a point ” went down to 79% from the range from 86 to 89% in the previous five polls. Meanwhile the percentage of people saying “Commercial TV stations are necessary” remained at 87% as in the previous poll .

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 24 March 10

 

NHK Broadcasting Culture Research Institute on June 24 released the result of its survey on “Japanese and TV” which it had been conducting every five years. The survey found that the number of people who believed they needed NHK decreased substantially from the last survey five years ago. The number of people who answered that they “definitely” or “fairly” needed NHK went down to as low as 79% of the total respondents from somewhere between 86 and 89% in the past four surveys. Meanwhile, the number of those who thought commercial TV broadcasters were necessary remained the same as the last survey at 87%.

 

添削

 

NHK Broadcasting Culture Research Institute on June 24 released on June 24 the results of its survey on “the Japanese People and TV,” which it had been conducting every five years. The survey found that the number of people who believed they needed NHK decreased substantially from the last survey five years ago. The number of people who answered that they “definitely” or “fairly” needed NHK went down to as low as 79% of the total respondents from somewhere between 86 and 89% in the past four surveys. Meanwhile, the number of those who thought commercial TV broadcasters were necessary remained the same as the last survey at 87%.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

NHK Broadcasting Culture Research Institute released on June 24 the results of its survey on “the Japanese People and TV,” which it had been conducting every five years. The survey found that the number of people who believed they needed NHK decreased substantially from the last survey five years ago. The number of people who answered that they “definitely” or “fairly” needed NHK went down to as low as 79% of the total respondents from somewhere between 86 and 89% in the past four surveys. Meanwhile, the number of those who thought commercial TV broadcasters were necessary remained the same as the last survey at 87%.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 23 October 08

 

"Japanese and TV", an opinion poll held by NHK Broadcasting Cultural Research Institute every five years, found on June 24 that the number of people who thought NHK was necessary was far less this year than that of five years ago. The percentage of people who thought NHK was definitely necessary and NHK might be necessary had fluctuated between 86 % and 89 %, but this time it dropped to 79 %. On the other hand, the percentage of people who thought commercial broadcast was necessary was 87 %, almost the same as the previous time.

 

添削

 

"Japanese and TV", an opinion poll held conducted by NHK Broadcasting Cultural Research Institute every five years, found on June 24 that the number of people who thought NHK was necessary was far less this year than that of five years ago. The percentage of people who thought NHK was definitely necessary and or NHK might be necessary had fluctuated between 86 % and 89 % in the past polls, but this time it dropped to 79 %. On the other hand, the percentage of people who thought commercial TV stations broadcast was were necessary was 87 %, almost the same as the previous time poll.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。 複雑な比較がよく整理されて英文で表現されています。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Japanese and TV", an opinion poll conducted by NHK Broadcasting Cultural Research Institute every five years, found on June 24 that the number of people who thought NHK was necessary was far less this year than that of five years ago. The percentage of people who thought NHK was “definitely necessary” or “might be necessary” had fluctuated between 86 % and 89 % in the past polls, but this time it dropped to 79 %. On the other hand, the percentage of people who thought commercial TV stations were necessary was 87 %, almost the same as the previous poll.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、28 September 07

 

On June 24, the survey for the relationship between Japanese people and televisions, which is executed by the NHK Broadcasting Culture Research Institute every five years, revealed that the number of people who think to need NHK has drastically decreased in comparison to the number of the previous survey. The number of people who would do need NHK or who would need NHK has persisted 86 to 89% of all respondents, but the number of this survey fell suddenly to 79% in this survey. On the contrary, the number of people who would need commercial TV stations was 87% which was almost the same level of last time.

 

添削

 

On June 24, the latest survey on for the relationship between Japanese people and televisions, which is has been conducted executed by the NHK Broadcasting Culture Research Institute every five years, revealed that the number of people who think they to need NHK has drastically decreased from in comparison to the number of the previous the last survey five years ago. The number of people who said they would do need NHK or who would might need NHK remained between has persisted 86 and to 89% of all respondents in the past surveys, but this the number of this survey fell suddenly to 79% in this the latest survey. On the contrary, the number of people who said they would need commercial TV stations was 87%, which was almost at the same levels in the past surveys of last time.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、The number of people who would do need NHK or who would need NHK has persisted 86 to 89% of all respondents から察すると、過去の幾つかの調査と較べているようですが、ここのところが明記していないので、どの調査とどの調査を較べているのか曖昧です。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 24, the latest survey on the relationship between Japanese people and televisions, which has been conducted by the NHK Broadcasting Culture Research Institute every five years, revealed that the number of people who think they need NHK has drastically decreased from the last survey five years ago. The number of people who said they would  need NHK or might need NHK remained between 86 and 89% of all respondents in the past surveys but this number fell suddenly to 79% in the latest survey. On the contrary, the number of people who said they would need commercial TV stations was 87%, which was almost at the same levels in the past surveys .

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、8 September 07

 

The poll, "relationships in Japanese and TV " carried out by the NHK Broadcasting Culture Research Institute every five years showed the following on June 24. The number of people who needs NHK sharply decreased compared with five years ago. The percentage of people who answered that NHK is absolutely needed or that NHK is needed changed between 86 % and 89 % in the  survey conducted four times in the past. But the percentage of people having such an answer dropped by 79 %. On the other hand, the percentage of people who answered that commercial broadcasts are needed  was the same as the last poll to 87 %.

 

添削

 

The survey1, "relationships in Japanese and TV2, " carried out by the NHK Broadcasting Culture Research Institute every five years showed the following results on June 24. The number of people who needs said they needed NHK sharply decreased from the previous survey conducted compared with five years ago. The survey is conducted once in every five years.3 The percentage of people who answered that NHK is was absolutely needed or that NHK was is needed changed fluctuated between 86 % and 89 % in the survey conducted four times in the past. But the percentage of people having giving such an answers dropped by to 79 % in the latest survey. On the other hand, the percentage of people who answered that commercial broadcasts are were needed stayed the same as the last poll survey at to 87 %.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、過去の調査の結果と最新の調査の結果の比較がよくわかりません。

 

1.       surveypollの両方が使われていますが、同一のものには同一も名詞を使って内容をはっきりさせます。

 

2.       relationships in Japanese and TVとすると「日本人とテレビの中における関係」というような具合になり、何のことか分かりません。Japanese and TV 「日本人とテレビ」でよいでしょう。

 

3.       この「五年ごとの調査」を文章の何処にいれるか、難しいですが、一層のこと添削のように独立した文で説明するとわかりやすいです。

 

添削後の文章

 

The survey, " Japanese and TV, " carried out by the NHK Broadcasting Culture Research Institute showed the following results on June 24. The number of people who said they needed NHK sharply decreased from the previous survey conducted five years ago. The survey is conducted once in every five years. The percentage of people who answered that NHK was absolutely needed or that NHK was needed fluctuated between 86 % and 89 % in the survey conducted four times in the past. But the percentage of people giving such answers dropped to 79 % in the latest survey. On the other hand, the percentage of people who answered that commercial broadcasts were needed stayed the same as the last survey at 87 %.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kappa2004, 13 June 07

 

On June 24, the public research program “Japanese and NHK” revealed that the number of people thinking NHK as necessary greatly decreased than that of five years ago. The public research is conducted every five years by NHK Broadcasting Cultural Laboratory. People who answered that of NHK is “absolutely needed” or “fairly needed” were in the range from 86% to 89% in the past four surveys but the number was dropped to 79% this time. On the other hand, as for the necessity of private broadcast the percentage is 87% in total. It was almost same number as the previous survey.

 

添削

 

On June 24, a survey called the public research program “Japanese and Television NHK” revealed that the number of people who thought thinking NHK as necessary greatly decreased in the than that of1 last five years ago. The survey public research is conducted every five years by NHK Broadcasting Cultural Laboratory. In the past four surveys2, Ppeople who answered that of NHK is was “absolutely necessary needed” or “fairly necessary3 needed” were in the range from 86% to 89% in the past four surveys but in the latest survey they the number was dropped to 79% this time. On the other hand, as for the necessity of private broadcast the percentage of people who answered that private TV companies were necessary was is 87%, in total. It was almost the same number as those in the previous surveys.

 

コメント

 

1.       比較級を使ってないので添削のようにします。

 

2.       In the past four surveys, ~ but in the latest survey ~.とすると内容の対比がわかりやすくなります。

 

3.       すでにnecessaryを文章で使っているので、ここでも整合性を保ってnecessaryにします。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 24, a survey called “Japanese and Television ” revealed that the number of people who thought NHK necessary greatly decreased in the last five years. The survey is conducted every five years by NHK Broadcasting Cultural Laboratory. In the past four surveys, people who answered that NHK was “absolutely necessary ” or “fairly necessary ” were in the range from 86% to 89% but in the latest survey they dropped to 79%. On the other hand, the percentage of people who answered that private TV companies were necessary was 87%, almost the same as those in the previous surveys.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、13 Sept 05

 

A survey of " Japanese people and television" conducted every five years by NHK Broadcast and Culture Research Center showed on June 24 that the number of people who think they need NHK broadcasting service fell greatly compared with five years ago. In the past four surveys, the percentage of people who think they need NHK "certainly" or "respectably" has shifted in the range of 86-89 %, but this time it decreased to 79%. In the meanwhile, 87 percent of people answered that they think the commercial broadcasting "fairly" same as the previous survey.

 

添削

 

A The latest1 survey of " Japanese people and television" conducted every five years by NHK Broadcast and Culture Research Center showed on June 24 that the number of people who think thought2 they needed NHK broadcasting services fell greatly compared with from the survey3 five years ago. In the past four surveys, the percentage of people who think thought they needed NHK "certainly absolutely4" or "respectably moderately" has had shifted moved in the range of 86-89 %, but this time it decreased to 79%. In the meanwhile, 87 percent of people answered that they think needed the commercial broadcasting TV stations5 "fairly" same as in the previous survey6.

 

コメント

 

1.       5年ごとに調査があり、比較は最新の調査と5年前の調査、最新の調査と以前の四つの調査と二つあるので、これらの比較を明確にするのが大切ですね。ここは文頭ですがthe latest surveyとして先ずは「最新の調査」をはっきりさせましょう。 同じ文にconducted every five yearsとあるので、いくつか過去の調査があったことがわかります。

 

2.       conductedと時制を一致させると内容がわかりやすいでしょう。

 

3.       the number of people fell from (that in) the survey five years agothe number of people was smaller than (that in) the survey five years agoになります。

 

4.       程度をあらわす副詞の比較は難しいですね。日本文もこの点が曖昧で「ぜひ必要」、「まあ必要」、「必要」という順序なのか、「ぜひ必要」、「必要」、「まあ必要」という順序なのかはっきりしません。文意から判断すると前者のようですが、もしそうなら「必要」は「無いよりはましという程度に必要」としたほうがよいでしょうね。さて英文のほうですが、they needed NHK +副詞という構造ですから、副詞はneedの度合いの表現になります。ここではabsolutely, moderately, fairlyにしました。

 

5.       カナダのCBCのように、公社なのにコマーシャルも放映するところもあるので、commercial TV stationsとしたほうがはっきりするでしょう。

 

6.       87 percent of people answered that ~ as (they did) in the previous survey.となってas87 percentではなくてpeopleを指します。

 

添削後の文章

 

The latest survey of "Japanese people and television" conducted every five years by NHK Broadcast and Culture Research Center showed on June 24 that the number of people who thought they needed NHK broadcasting services fell greatly from the survey five years ago. In the past four surveys, the percentage of people who thought they needed NHK " absolutely" or " moderately" had moved in the range of 86-89 %, but this time it decreased to 79%. In the meanwhile, 87 percent of people answered that they needed  commercial TV stations "fairly" as in the previous survey.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、26 July 05

 

The number of people who think that NHK is "necessary" has decreased a great deal compared to five years ago. This was revealed on June 24 by the result of an opinion poll called "Japanese and Television" conducted by the NHK Broadcasting Culture Research Institute every five years. Those who replied that NHK was "absolutely necessary" and "sort of necessary" had altogether accounted for between 86% and 89% in the last four polls, but the percentage was reduced to 79% this time. In the meantime, those who replied that commercial TV stations were "necessary" accounted for 87% in total, more or less the same as last time.

 

添削

 

The number of people who think that NHK is "necessary" has decreased a great deal recently1 compared to five years ago. This was revealed on June 24 by the result of an opinion poll called "Japanese and Television" conducted by the NHK Broadcasting Culture Research Institute every five years. The Institute conducts the survey every five years2. Those who replied that NHK was "absolutely necessary" and "sort of necessary" had altogether accounted for between 86% and 89% in the last four polls, but the percentage was reduced to 79% this time. In the meantime, those who replied that commercial TV stations were "necessary" accounted for 87% in total, more or less the same as last time.

 

コメント

 

日本文の内容を正確にわかりやすく英文で表現してありますね。A compared to BBfive years agoなのでAにあたるrecentlyを入れます。

 

every five yearsが前の文の最後に来ると、このたびの調査との関係がわかり難いので独立した文にしたほうが良いでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of people who think that NHK is "necessary" has decreased a great deal recently compared to five years ago. This was revealed on June 24 by the result of an opinion poll called "Japanese and Television" conducted by the NHK Broadcasting Culture Research Institute. The Institute conducts the survey every five years. Those who replied that NHK was "absolutely necessary" and "sort of necessary" had altogether accounted for between 86% and 89% in the last four polls, but the percentage was reduced to 79% this time. In the meantime, those who replied that commercial TV stations were "necessary" accounted for 87% in total, more or less the same as last time.

 

 

初級練習問題 206

 

東海大学は6月21日、全日本空輸の協力を受けて、2006年4月に工学部内にパイロットの養成コースを開設すると発表した。日本の大学にパイロットの養成コースが設けられるのは初めて。高度経済成長期に採用したパイロットが2007年度以降に大量退職し、2009年の羽田空港の再拡張でパイロット不足が深刻化すると見られるため、採用のすそ野を広げる。東海大も少子化で学生獲得競争が激しくなる中、他の大学との差別化を図りたい意向がある。

 

読者からの投稿 11(BURU, 20 August 16

 

On June 21, Tokai University announced to set up a new department in the Faculty of Technology from April 2006. The new department, supported by All Nippon Airways, is a pilot training course. This is the first time to open the course in Japanese universities. The purpose of the new department is considering increasing pilots because the pilots who hired on during the high economic growth period will reach their retirement the fiscal year 2007 onward. It was estimated many pilots leaving the job, in addition, Haneda Airport has a plan to reexpand the runway by 2009. So, it seems to be a serious shortage of pilots. On the other hand, Tokai University also intend to make a differentiation from other universities due to decreasing students amid a harsh day of finding freshmen.

 

添削

 

On June 21, Tokai University announced to set up a new department in the Faculty of Technology from in April 2006. The new department, supported by All Nippon Airways, offers is a pilot training course. This is the first time for a Japanese university to open such a the course in Japanese universities. The purpose of the new department is to provide a new source of1 considering increasing pilots because the pilots who were hired on during the high economic growth period will reach their retirement in the fiscal year 2007 and onward and . It was estimated many pilots will be leaving the job, in addition, Haneda Airport has a plan to reexpand the runways by 2009. So, it seems that there will to be a serious shortage of pilots. On the other hand, Tokai University also intends to make itself a differentiation from other universities and attract more students2 because it faces due to decreasing students amid a harsh day of finding freshmen due to the decreasing number of students reaching the university age2.

 

コメント

 

大体の内容の推測ができます。日本文は日本の事情を知っている人を対象にして書かれているので、その内容を英文で表現するときには日本文には隠れているおまけの内容を補足するとよいでしょう。

 

1.       ~is to increase the number of pilotsだけでも良いですが、添削のようにすると内容がもっとわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       このような補足説明をいれるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 21, Tokai University announced to set up a new department in the Faculty of Technology in April 2006. The new department, supported by All Nippon Airways, offers a pilot training course. This is the first time for a Japanese university to open such a course. The purpose of the new department is to provide a new source of pilots because the pilots who were hired during the high economic growth period will reach their retirement in the fiscal year 2007 and onward and many pilots will be leaving the job, in addition, Haneda Airport has a plan to expand the runways by 2009. So, it seems that there will be a serious shortage of pilots. On the other hand, Tokai University also intends to make itself different from other universities and attract more students because it faces a harsh day of finding freshmen due to the decreasing number of students reaching the university age.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(OKEN, 22 February 13

 

On June 21, Toukai University announced that it will open a pilot-training course in its engineering department in April, 2006 in cooperation with All Nippon Airways. This will be the first time for universities in Japan to open a pilot-training course. Many pilots hired during the years of high economic growth will start to retire since 2007. In addition, further expansion of Haneda airport is scheduled to start in 2009, and so there will be a serious shortage in the number of pilots. Toukai University’s new policy is expected to accommodate the shortage to some extent. It also has an intention to make a difference from other universities in the context of tough competition for obtaining students due to the low birth rate.

 

添削

 

On June 21, Toukai University announced that it will would open a pilot-training course in its engineering department in April, 2006 in cooperation with All Nippon Airways. This will be the first time for a universities university in Japan to open a pilot-training course. Many pilots hired during the years of high economic growth will start to retire since in 2007. In addition, the further expansion of Haneda aAirport is scheduled to start in 2009, and so there will be a serious shortage in the number of pilots. Toukai University’s new policy is expected to accommodate alleviate the shortage to some extent. It also has an intention to make a the university differencet from other universities and give it an advantage in the context of tough competition for obtaining students due to the low birth rate.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。読みやすい文章です。

 

1.       このような補足説明があるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 21, Toukai University announced that it would open a pilot-training course in its engineering department in April, 2006 in cooperation with All Nippon Airways. This will be the first time for a university in Japan to open a pilot-training course. Many pilots hired during the years of high economic growth will start to retire in 2007. In addition, the further expansion of Haneda Airport is scheduled to start in 2009, and so there will be a serious shortage in the number of pilots. Toukai University’s new policy is expected to alleviate the shortage to some extent. It also has an intention to make the university different from other universities and give it an advantage in the context of tough competition for obtaining students due to the low birth rate.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Lucca, 18 December 11

 

On June 21, Tokai University announced that it would establish a pilot-training course in their engineering faculty in cooperation with All Nippon Airways (ANA) in April 2006. It will be the first time for universities in Japan to set up such a course. The shortage of pilots is becoming a serious problem for airlines in Japan because a lot of pilots who were employed during the period of rapid economic growth will retire after 2007 and the number of flights at Haneda airport will be increasing after the further expansion of the airport in 2009. ANA wants to broaden its recruitment sources by cooperating with the university. Also, Tokai University is in need of differentiating themselves from other universities by offering this course as it has to address recent fierce competition to secure students caused by fewer children.

 

添削

 

On June 21, Tokai University announced that it would establish a pilot-training course in their engineering faculty in cooperation with All Nippon Airways (ANA) in April 2006. It will be the first time for a universitiesy in Japan to set up such a course. The shortage of pilots is becoming a serious problem for airlines in Japan because a lot of pilots who were employed during the period of rapid economic growth will retire after 2007 and the number of flights at Haneda aAirport will be increasing after the further expansion of the airport in 2009. ANA wants to broaden its recruitment sources by cooperating with the university. Also, Tokai University is also in need of differentiating itself themselves1 from other universities by offering this course as it has to address recent fierce competition to secure students in the light of caused by fewer and fewer children in the future2.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。

 

1.       Tokai Universityを一つのものとして扱う方がよいでしょう。

 

2.       このような補足説明をしたほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 21, Tokai University announced that it would establish a pilot-training course in their engineering faculty in cooperation with All Nippon Airways (ANA) in April 2006. It will be the first time for a university in Japan to set up such a course. The shortage of pilots is becoming a serious problem for airlines in Japan because a lot of pilots who were employed during the period of rapid economic growth will retire after 2007 and the number of flights at Haneda Airport will be increasing after the further expansion of the airport in 2009. ANA wants to broaden its recruitment sources by cooperating with the university. Tokai University is also in need of differentiating itself from other universities by offering this course as it has to address recent fierce competition to secure students in the light of by fewer and fewer children in the future.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(かい、15 July 11

 

On June 21, Tokai University announced that it would establish a course for training a pilot in it's engineering department with the aid of All Nippon Airways Co., Ltd. on April 2006. It is the first time for a university in Japan to set up such course. The university and ANA have a ulterior motive of establishing a course each other. ANA wants to adopt persons from various human resources because many pilots who were adopted during the years of high economic growth will leave the company after the fiscal year 2007 ,and therefore the shortage of them will get worse in connection with the re-expanding Haneda Airport in 2009. On the other hand , the university would like to differentiate from other universities under the condition that enterprises have a hard competition to bring in new graduates because of the declining birthrate.

 

添削

 

On June 21, Tokai University announced that it would establish a course for training a airplane pilots1 in its it's engineering department with the aid of by All Nippon Airways Co., Ltd. on in April 2006. This will be It is the first time for a university in Japan to set up such a course. Both ANA and Tthe university2 and ANA will benefit from the course. have a ulterior motive of establishing a course each other3. ANA wants to recruit pilots adopt persons from a wider range of various human resources because many pilots who joined the company were adopted during the years of high economic growth will leave retire the company after the 2007 fiscal year 2007 ,and therefore the shortage of them will get worse when in connection with the re-expanding Haneda Airport is expanded in 2009 and the company needs more pilots for new flights4. On the other hand5 , tThe university would like to differentiate it from other universities in the age under the condition that enterprises have a of declining birthrate6 and hard competition to attract students bring in new graduates because of the declining birthrate.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       a pilotは本来、水先案内人、ですから、ここでは一応an airline pilotとするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       文章の後半でこの内容を説明するときに、ANA、大学の順になっているので、この順に合わせます。

 

3.       an ulterior motiveは「隠された意図」ですが、このコースの意図は明白なので、添削のような説明がよいでしょう。

 

4.       このような補足説明があるとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

5.       Both ANA and the university will benefit from the course.という文があってから、それぞれの説明になるので、on the other handは要りません。

 

6.       in the age of declining birthrate and hard competitionという順序にすると、両者の因果関係がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 21, Tokai University announced that it would establish a course for training airplane pilots in its engineering department with the aid by All Nippon Airways Co., Ltd. in April 2006. This will be the first time for a university in Japan to set up such a course. Both ANA and the university will benefit from the course. ANA wants to recruit pilots from a wider range of  human resources because many pilots who joined the company during the years of high economic growth will retire after the 2007 fiscal year and the shortage of them will get worse when Haneda Airport is expanded in 2009 and the company needs more pilots for new flights. The university would like to differentiate it from other universities in the age of declining birthrate and hard competition to attract students .

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 30 March 10

 

On June 21, Tokai University announced that it will establish a course for training pilots in the department of technology with the assistance of All Nippon Airways (ANA) in April, 2006. This will be the first course for training pilots offered in the history of Japanese universities. Apparently, ANA aims at broadening the base for recruitment of pilots in view of anticipated shortage of pilots due to mass retirement of those employed during the high economic growth period after 2007 and to further expansion of Haneda airport in 2009. For its part, Tokai University seems to be seeing this scheme as a way to differentiate itself amid intensifying competition to bring in prospective college students who have ever been decreasing in number reflecting lower birth rate.

 

添削

 

On June 21, Tokai University announced that it will would1 establish a course for training airplane2 pilots in the its department of technology with the assistance of All Nippon Airways (ANA) in April, 2006. This will be the first course for training airplane pilots offered in the at university in Japan3 history of Japanese universities. Apparently, ANA aims at broadening the base for its recruitment of pilots in view of an anticipated shortage of pilots due to the mass retirement of those employed during the high economic growth period that is expected to take place4 after 2007 and to the further expansion of Haneda aAirport in 2009. For its part, Tokai University seems to be seeing this scheme as a way of to differentiateing itself form other universities amid intensifying competition to bring in prospective university college students who have ever been decreasing in number reflecting the lower birth rate.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       時制の一致に従うのがよいでしょう。

 

2.       a pilotの原義は水先案内人ですから、文章に最初にa airplane pilotとするのがよいでしょう。

 

3.       「日本の大学教程で」at university in Japanがよいでしょう。

 

4.       after 2007の意味を明確にするためにこのような補足をいれるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 21, Tokai University announced that it would establish a course for training airplane pilots in its department of technology with the assistance of All Nippon Airways (ANA) in April, 2006. This will be the first course for training airplane pilots offered at university in Japan. Apparently, ANA aims at broadening the base for its recruitment of pilots in view of an anticipated shortage of pilots due to the mass retirement of those employed during the high economic growth period that is expected to take place after 2007 and to the further expansion of Haneda Airport in 2009. For its part, Tokai University seems to be seeing this scheme as a way of differentiating itself form other universities amid intensifying competition to bring in prospective university students who have ever been decreasing in number reflecting the lower birth rate.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 31 October 08

 

On June 21, Tokai University announced that it would open a training course for airplane pilots within its engineering department from April in 2006 in the cooperation with All Nippon Airline. It will be the first time to have a training course for airplane pilots at Japanese university. As a lot of pilots who were employed in the period of high economic growth will resign after 2007 and the Haneda Airport will be enlarged farther again in 2009, it prospects that the shortage of airplane pilots will increase to lead to the demands of airplane pilots more and more. On the other hand, Tokai University intends to differentiate it from other universities because of fierce competition of getting more students under the less-child situation.

 

添削

 

On June 21, Tokai University announced that it would open a training course for training airplane pilots1 within in the its engineering department in from April, in 2006 in the cooperation with All Nippon Airline. It Tokai University will be the first time to offer have such a training course for airplane pilots at Japanese universityies. As a lot of pilots who were employed in the period of high economic growth will resign retire after 2007 and the Haneda Airport will be enlarged farther again in 2009, it the university anticipates prospects that the shortage of airplane pilots will increase to lead to the demands of for new airplane pilots will increase in the future more and more2. At the same time3, On the other hand, Tokai University intends to use this course to differentiate it from other universities and make itself more attractive in the because of fierce competition of getting more students as the number of university-age students declines under the less-child situation4.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、説明不足のところがあります。日本文はこの記事の背景を知っているひとを読者と想定していますが、英文ではもう少し一般の読者を想定して、日本文の説明不足を補う必要があります。このためには日本文の内容の構成に捕らわれずに、新しい構成の英文を作成するとよいでしょう。

 

1.       a training course for airline pilotsとすると「パイロットのための(すでにパイロットである)特別な訓練コース」というように取れます。

 

2.       「これこれの理由なので、これこれである。」という文の構成ですが、理由のところが長いので次のような構成にしたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。The university anticipates that the demand for new pilots increases in the future because A and B.

 

3.       on the other handは前の文の内容と反対の内容を続けるときに使います。ここでは「反対の内容」ではないので、at the same time, moreover, in additionなどがよいでしょう。

 

4.       このように文を補足するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 21, Tokai University announced that it would open a course for training airplane pilots in the engineering department in April, 2006 in cooperation with All Nippon Airline. Tokai University will be the first to offer such a course at Japanese universities. As a lot of pilots who were employed in the period of high economic growth will retire after 2007 and Haneda Airport will be enlarged farther again in 2009, the university anticipates that the demand for new airplane pilots will increase in the future. At the same time, Tokai University intends to use this course to differentiate it from other universities and make itself more attractive in the fierce competition of getting students as the number of university-age students declines.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、29 September 07

 

On June 21, Tokai University announced that a new course for training pilots in the department of technology would be initiated in April 2006 with cooperation of All Nippon Airways Co., Ltd. It was the first time that Japanese university initiated the course for training pilots.

 

All Nippon Airways Co., Ltd. intended to secure a stable source of manpower through the cooperation to the establishment of the course, because retirement after 2007 of many pilots who are adopted during the years of high-growth period and the further expansion of the Haneda Airport would cause a serious shortage of pilots.

 

Meanwhile, Tokai University intended to seek ways to differentiate other Japanese university because the low birthrate makes competition to secure new student become harder.

 

添削

 

On June 21, Tokai University announced that a new course for training airplane1 pilots in the department of technology would start be initiated in April 2006 in the faculty of engineering in with cooperation with of All Nippon Airways Co., Ltd. It This will2 be was the first time that a Japanese university initiated offers a the course for training airplane pilots.

 

All Nippon Airways Co., Ltd. intendeds to secure a stable source of new pilots manpower through the cooperation of Tokai University to the establishment of the course, because retirement after 2007 of many pilots who were employed are adopted during the years of high-high economic growth will retire after 2007 period and the further expansion of the Haneda Airport will require more would cause a serious shortage of pilots.

 

Meanwhile, Tokai University intended wants to to seek ways to differentiate itself from other Japanese university universities by offering a unique course because the low birthrate is makesing competition to secure new students become harder and harder.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、動詞の時制がわからないところがあります。またto differentiate other Japanese universityiesは「東海大学が他の大学を差別化する」となり意味がわかりません。

 

1.       a pilotは元来は水先案内人(大きな船が港に出入するときに航路を船長に教える専門職)のことですからan airplane pilotと一度書いておくとよいでしょう。私が初めてカナダに来たときは貨物船でした。バンクーバーの港に入るときに操舵室で水先案内人の指図をみていたことがあります。

 

2.       この記事が書かれた時点で未来のことになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 21, Tokai University announced that a new course for training airplane pilots  would start in April 2006 in the faculty of engineering in cooperation with All Nippon Airways Co., Ltd. This will be the first time that a Japanese university offers a course for training airplane pilots.

 

All Nippon Airways Co., Ltd. intends to secure a stable source of new pilots through the cooperation of Tokai University, because many pilots who were employed during the years of high economic growth will retire after 2007 and the further expansion of Haneda Airport will require more pilots.

 

Meanwhile, Tokai University wants to differentiate itself from other Japanese universities by offering a unique course because the low birthrate is making competition to secure new students harder and harder.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、9 September 07

 

On June 21, Tokai University announced that it would open a training course for pilots in the engineering department in April, 2006 in cooperation with All Nippon Airways. Such a course will be established for the first time in college in Japan. Many pilots who were adopted in the period of high economic growth will retire after 2007. Besides, Haneda Airport will be expanded in 2009 again. ANA intends to expand the limit of adoption as these factors causes the extreme lack of pilots. Tokai University also intends to have a character different from other colleges because the university is exposed in the hard race to get good students due to decline in the number of children.

 

添削

 

On June 21, Tokai University announced that it would open a training course for pilots in the engineering department in April, 2006 in cooperation with All Nippon Airways. Such a course will be established for the first time at university1 in college in Japan. Many pilots who were adopted recruited by airline companies in the period of high economic growth will retire after 2007. Besides, Haneda Airport will be expanded in 2009 again. ANA intends to expand the number of new recruits limit of adoption as these factors will require more causes the extreme lack of pilots2. Tokai University also intends to have a special character different from other colleges universities to attract more students because the university is exposed in the to a hard race to get good students as due to decline in the number of children going to university declines.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、ANA intends to expand the limit of adoptionの意味が不明です。adoption 〈計画を採用する、養子を取る〉はrecruits(新規採用者)だろう、と推測できますが、すると「新規採用者の制限を拡張する」は「もっと制限を厳しくする」となります。

 

1.       a university 総合大学、a college  (学部数の少ない大学)と区別します。東海大学はa universityがよいでしょう。

 

2.       「パイロット不足が深刻化する」は日本文の内容から見て「(これらの事情は)もっとパイロットを必要とする」と言い直して英文で表現すると内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 21, Tokai University announced that it would open a training course for pilots in the engineering department in April, 2006 in cooperation with All Nippon Airways. Such a course will be established for the first time at university in Japan. Many pilots who were recruited by airline companies in the period of high economic growth will retire after 2007. Besides, Haneda Airport will be expanded in 2009 again. ANA intends to expand the number of new recruits as these factors will require more pilots. Tokai University intends to have a special character different from other universities to attract more students because the university is exposed to a hard race to get good students as the number of children going to university declines.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kappa2004, 3 Aug 07

 

On June 21 Tokai University announced that they will open a new training course for aero pilot in the engineering faculty from April 2006 in favor of All Nippon Airlines. It is the first that a pilot training course is established in a Japanese University. A lot of pilots who were employed in the days of economic high growth are retiring on and after 2007 fiscal year and serious lack of pilots are expected in the expansion project of Haneda Airport in 2009.  An employment opportunity is spread in a new field. Tokai University also have an intention to be segregated from other universities in the circumstances of heavy competition for recruitment of students in the days of few children.

 

添削

 

On June 21, Tokai University announced that they will open a new training course for training aero airline pilots in the engineering faculty in from April 2006 in favor cooperation with of All Nippon Airlines Airways Co. Ltd. Tokai University will be It is the first that offers a pilot training course is established offered at in a Japanese Uuniversity. A serious shortage of airline pilots is expected1 as A a lot of pilots who were employed in the days of economic high economic growth are retiring on in and after the 2007 fiscal year and serious lack of pilots are expected in the expansion project of Haneda Airport in 2009 will increase demand for new airline pilots2.  Therefore, An employment opportunityies will increase for airline pilots is spread in a new field in the near future. Tokai University also have an intention to be recognized different segregated from other universities in the circumstances of heavy competition for the recruitment of students in the days of few children.

 

コメント

 

1.       先ずa serious shortage of airline pilots is expectedと要旨を述べ、つぎにその理由を説明すると内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       日本文にはありませんが、このような補足説明を入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 21, Tokai University announced that they will open a new course for training  airline pilots in the engineering faculty in April 2006 in cooperation with All Nippon Airways Co. Ltd. Tokai University will be the first that offers a pilot training course at a Japanese university. A serious shortage of airline pilots is expected as a lot of pilots who were employed in the days of high economic growth are retiring in and after the 2007 fiscal year and the expansion of Haneda Airport in 2009 will increase demand for new airline pilots.  Therefore, employment opportunities will increase for airline pilots in the near future. Tokai University also have an intention to be recognized different from other universities in the circumstances of heavy competition for the recruitment of students in the days of few children.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、16 September 05

 

Tokai University announced on June 21 that department of engineering of the university is going to start a pilot training course from April 2007. This is the first time in Japan that university sets up a pilot training course. The shortage of pilots is predicted to become a big problem because many pilots who were hired during Japan's high economic growth period will start resigning form fiscal year 2007 and the increasing flights numbers accompanied with the farther expansion of Haneda Airport will demand more pilots. It is necessary to recruit pilots form broader fields and the opening this course will give to Tokai University a competitive advantage of surpassing other universities in the tough competition of gaining students in the trend of declining birthrate.

 

添削

 

Tokai University announced on June 21 that department of engineering of the university is was1 going to start a pilot training course with the assistance of All Nippon Airways from in April 2007. This is will be the first time in Japan that a university sets up a pilot training course. The shortage of pilots is predicted to become a big problem in the near future because many pilots who were hired during Japan's high economic growth period will start resigning form fiscal in the year 2007 and the increasing number of flights numbers accompanied with the farther expansion of Haneda Airport will demand more pilots. Thus2, Itit is will be necessary to recruit pilots form broader fields. and tThe3 opening this course will also give to Tokai University a competitive advantage of surpassing other universities in the tough competition of gaining students4 as the number of university-age students keeps in the trend of declining5 birthrate.

 

コメント

 

1.       announcedと呼応して時制の一致で過去形がよいでしょう。

 

2.       前の文との関連をつけるために、Thus, So, Thereforeなどを入れるとよいでしょう。

 

3.       文の前半と内容の種類が異なるので、ここから新しい文にするとよいでしょう。

 

4.       「学生獲得競争が激しくなる」の内容を捉えてうまく英文で表現していますね。

 

5.       「少子化で学生獲得競争が激しくなる」という論理は日本人には理解できますが、このことを知らない読者を想定して具体的に表現するには。「少子化で大学生の学齢の人口が少なくなり、結果として大学の学生獲得競争が厳しくなる」というようにするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Tokai University announced on June 21 that department of engineering of the university was going to start a pilot training course with the assistance of All Nippon Airways in April 2007. This will be the first time in Japan that a university sets up a pilot training course. The shortage of pilots is predicted to become a big problem in the near future because many pilots who were hired during Japan's high economic growth period will start resigning form in the year 2007 and the increasing number of flights accompanied with the farther expansion of Haneda Airport will demand more pilots. Thus, it will be necessary to recruit pilots form broader fields. The opening this course will also give Tokai University a competitive advantage of surpassing other universities in the tough competition of gaining students as the number of university-age students keeps declining .

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、6 August 05

 

Tokai University announced on June 21 that it would open a pilot training course in the school of engineering in April, 2006 in association with All Nippon Airways. This will be the first time that a Japanese university has had a training course for pilots. It is estimated that there will be a serious shortage of pilots after a large number of pilots recruited in the era of rapid economic growth retire in 2007 onward and Haneda Airport is further expanded in 2009, so more chances of recruiting new pilots in the future are required. Meanwhile, Tokai University intends to be different from other universities because it is becoming difficult to survive the tough competition for recruiting new students due to the low birthrate.

 

添削

 

Tokai University announced on June 21 that it would open a pilot training course in the school of engineering in April, 2006 in association with All Nippon Airways. This will be the first time that a Japanese university has had offers a training course for pilots. It is estimated that there will be a serious shortage of pilots after a large number of pilots recruited in the era of rapid economic growth will retire in 2007 onward and Haneda Airport is will be further expanded in 2009., so This means that1 airlines are likely to recruit 2more chances of recruiting new pilots in the future are required. Meanwhile, Tokai University intends to be different from other universities by offering this course3 because it is becoming difficult to survive the tough competition for recruiting new students due to the low birthrate as the number of university-age students decline4.

 

コメント

 

1.       文が長いのでここから新しい文を始め、前の文との関連をつけるためにThis means that ~としました。

 

2.       airlineを主語にしたほうが文意がはっきりします。

 

3.       この補足説明を入れたほうが文章の前半との関連がはっきりしてよいでしょう。

 

4.       大学にとって少子化の当面の問題は大学入学年齢層の減少なので、このように具体的にしたほうが良いでしょう。

 

短いに本文ですが因果関係が複雑になっています。マウント60さんは内容を良く整理しています。東海大学がパイロット養成コースを創設するには二つ理由があり、一つは近い将来パイロット不足が生じること、もう一つは大学の差別化を図りたいことです。そしてそれぞれの理由に説明がついています。このような因果関係の論理を使って英文を構成すると次のようになります。

 

The university hopes that demand for airline pilots will increase as a large number of pilots who started working in the middle of high economic growth will begin to retire after 2007 and as the re-expansion of Narita Airport is expected to require more airplane pilots. The university also hopes that the program will give them a unique advantage in attracting students in the current tough competition climate among universities as the number of university-age students decline.

 

添削後の文章

 

Tokai University announced on June 21 that it would open a pilot training course in the school of engineering in April, 2006 in association with All Nippon Airways. This will be the first time that a Japanese university offers a training course for pilots. It is estimated that there will be a serious shortage of pilots after a large number of pilots recruited in the era of rapid economic growth will retire in 2007 onward and Haneda Airport will be further expanded in 2009. This means that airlines are likely to recruit more new pilots in the future. Meanwhile, Tokai University intends to be different from other universities by offering this course because it is becoming difficult to survive the tough competition for recruiting new students as the number of university-age students decline.

 

初級練習問題 207

 

津軽海峡を越えて新幹線が北海道の大地にやってくることが6月10日、本決まりとなった。長く道民の念願とされてきた北海道新幹線だが、新函館新幹線開業実現には、さまざまな問題が横たわる。

 

読者からの投稿 10(BURU, 20 August 16

 

On June 10, the construction plan of Bullet Train, Shinkansen, was definitely decided to extend to Hokkaido. It is across the Tsugal Strait at last. People of Hokkaido have had the aspiration for long time. But there still have many various issues until opening the Shinkansen.

 

添削

 

On June 10, the construction plan of the Bullet Train, Shinkansen, was definitely decided to extend the Shinkansen1 to Hokkaido. The Shinkansen2 will It is across the Tsugal Strait at last. People of Hokkaido have had the aspiration of getting the Shinkansen for a long time. But there will be still have many various issues to be solved before until the opening the Shinkansen in Hokkaido.

 

コメント

 

内容が推測できます。

 

1.       この文の主語はthe construction planですから、The construction plan extends to Hokkaido.では内容がわかりません。

 

2.       このItは前の文の主語、the construction plan、になりますがから、The construction plan is cross the sTsugaru Strait.では意味がわかりますせん。添削のようにThe Shinkansenを主語にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 10, the construction plan of the Bullet Train, Shinkansen, was definitely decided to extend the Shinkansen to Hokkaido. The Shinkansen will cross the Tsugal Strait at last. People of Hokkaido have had the aspiration of getting the Shinkansen for a long time. But there will be still many issues to be solved before the opening the Shinkansen in Hokkaido.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Lucca, 24 December 11

 

On June 10, a decision was finally made that a Shinkansen would be extended beyond the Tsugaru Straits and reach Hokkaido. In fact, the people in Hokkaido had long waited for the launch of the Hokkaido Shinkansen. However, the decision to extend the Shinkansen was just a beginning and there will be a lot of problems to be solved before the Shin-Hakodate Shinkansen will actually begin its service.

 

添削

 

On June 10, a decision was finally made that a Shinkansen bullet train1 would be extended beyond the Tsugaru Straits and reach Hokkaido. In fact2, tThe people in Hokkaido had have been long waiteding3 for the launch of the Hokkaido Shinkansen for a long time. However, tThe decision to extend the Shinkansen, however, is was just a beginning and there will be a lot of problems to be solved before the Shin-Hakodate Shinkansen will actually begins its service.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       Shinkansen は英語圏で大分知られてきましたが、a Shinkansen bullet trainとしたほうが読者に親切でしょう。

 

2.       In fact, ~とするとこのin factは既に前に述べた内容を強調します。この文章ではin factの後の文章が前の文章の内容を強調するという関係性に乏しいのでin factは要りません。もしこの関係性を強調するならば文の順序を変えて、The people of Hokkaido have been waiting for the extension of the Shinkansen bullet train from the Main Island to Hokkaido for a long time. Finally, a decision was made ~.とするとよいでしょう。

 

3.       仮定の内容の修飾節なので現在形にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 10, a decision was finally made that a Shinkansen bullet train would be extended beyond the Tsugaru Straits and reach Hokkaido. The people in Hokkaido have been  waiting for the launch of the Hokkaido Shinkansen for a long time. The decision to extend the Shinkansen, however, is just a beginning and there will be a lot of problems to be solved before the Shin-Hakodate Shinkansen actually begins its service.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(かい、16 July 11

 

On July 10, it was formally decided to extend a bullet train line to Hokkaido across the Tsugaru Straits. The people of Hokkaido has been looking forward to Hokkaido bullet train for a long time, but there are various problems about their achieving the opening of new Hakkodate bullet train.

 

添削

 

On July 10, it was formally decided to extend a bullet train line to Hokkaido across the Tsugaru Straits1. The people of Hokkaido has have  been looking forward to the Hokkaido bullet train for a long time., but tThere are2, however, still various problems about before they can see their achieving3 the opening of the new Hakkodate bullet train.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       日本文の内容をわかりやすく英文で表現してあります。

 

2.       butで二つの文をつなげると、両者の間に密接な関係があるようになりますが、このぶんでは「長い間の道民の念願」と「さまざまな問題」は直接の関係は無いと思われるので、一度文を切るとよいでしょう。

 

3.       the openingとあるので、先ず想像するのは開通式です。それにはachievingよりseeingがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 10, it was formally decided to extend a bullet train line to Hokkaido across the Tsugaru Straits. The people of Hokkaido have been looking forward to the Hokkaido bullet train for a long time. There are, however, still various problems before they can see the opening of the new Hakkodate bullet train.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 30 Mar 10

 

It was formally decided on June 10 that the Shinkansen bullet train would come over to the land of Hokkaido all the way crossing Tsugaru Straits. This is good news to people of Hokkaido who have long cherished the dream of the Hokkaido bullet train system. Still, there lie ahead a lot of problems to be overcome before New Hakodate bullet train line, as a part of the system, actually goes into service.

 

添削

 

It was formally decided on June 10 that the Shinkansen bullet train would come over to the land of Hokkaido all the way crossing over Tsugaru Straits. This is good news to the people of Hokkaido who have long cherished the dream of the Hokkaido bullet train system. Still, there lie ahead a lot of problems to be overcome before the New Hakodate bullet train line, as a part of the system, actually goes into service.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

添削後の文章

 

It was formally decided on June 10 that the Shinkansen bullet train would come to the land of Hokkaido all the way crossing over Tsugaru Straits. This is good news to the people of Hokkaido who have long cherished the dream of the Hokkaido bullet train system. Still, there lie ahead a lot of problems to be overcome before the New Hakodate bullet train line, as a part of the system, actually goes into service.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 31 October 08

 

On June 10, an pending idea of extending the bullet train to Hokkaido island across the Tsugaru Strait officially decided at last. For a long time, Hokkaidoan were expecting to have Hokkaido bullet train, however, there will be various problems to solve in order to realize the opening of Shin Hakodate bullet train in Hokkaido.

 

添削

 

On June 10, an pending idea of1 extending the bullet train to Hokkaido island across the Tsugaru Straits has been officially decided at last. For a long time, people in Hokkaidoan have been eagerly waiting for the were expecting to have Hokkaido bullet train, and now they are pleased to hear the news. hHowever, there will be still various problems to be solved in order to realize the opening of the new Shin Hakodate bullet train, the first leg of the bullet train system3 in Hokkaido.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       something is pendingというと裁判などが長引いている状態の時に使います。ここでは「待ち遠しい」ことなので、次の文の説明でよいでしょう。

 

2.       次の文のhoweverに続けるにはこのような補足説明をいれると効果的でしょう。

 

3.       「新函館新幹線」は多分、こういうことでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 10, extending the bullet train to Hokkaido island across Tsugaru Straits has been officially decided at last. For a long time, people in Hokkaido have been eagerly waiting for the Hokkaido bullet train and now they are pleased to hear the news. However, there will be still various problems to be solved in order to realize the opening of the new Hakodate bullet train, the first leg of the bullet train system in Hokkaido.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(KAPPA 2008, 17 April 08

 

On June 10, a new project plan of bullet train - Shinkansen in Hokkaido crossing over the Tsugaru Strait has been determined. It was desired for long time by Hokkaido people but there still remains several problems before the opening of a new Hakodate Shinkansen.    

 

添削

 

On June 10, a new project plan for the of bullet train - the Hokkaido Shinkansen in Hokkaido crossing over the Tsugaru Straits1 has been determined decided. It A Shinkansen in Hokkaido was has been long desired for long time by Hokkaido people. However, but there still remains several problems before the the Hakodate Shinkansen (the first part of the Hokkaido Shinkansen)2 is to be built3 opening of a new Hakodate Shinkansen.    

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。a new plan ~という表現がわかりやすいですね。

 

1.       「津軽海峡を越えて新幹線が北海道の大地にやってくる」とありますが、実際に津軽海峡トンネルを新幹線が通るのかどうかはっきりしません。単に日本語のレトリックで、「津軽海峡の向こうの北海道に新幹線が建設される」という意味のような気がします。

 

2.       北海道新幹線は北海道に建設される新幹線の総称で、先ずは函館本線に沿って函館新幹線が建設されるのでしょう。

 

3.       将来の予定のときはこのような表現があります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 10, a new plan for the bullet train – the Hokkaido Shinkansen crossing over Tsugaru Straits has been decided. A Shinkansen in Hokkaido has been long desired by Hokkaido people. However, there still remains several problems before the Hakodate Shinkansen (the first part of the Hokkaido Shinkansen) is to be built.    

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、3 October 07

 

On June 10, it was decided to introduce the Shinkansen bullet train into the Hokkaido area across the Tsugaru Straits from the mainland of Japan. The several problems and barriers still remain in order to start the business of the Hokkaido Shinkansen, although many people in Hokkaido Prefecture have strongly been desire to introduce it into the Hokkaido area.

 

添削

 

On June 10, it was decided to introduce extend the Shinkansen bullet line from the mainland to Hokkaido Island through the undersea tunnel train into the Hokkaido area across the Tsugaru Straits from the mainland of Japan. The sSeveral problems and barriers still remain in order to start the business of the before this Shinkansen (called the Hakodate Hokkaido Shinkansen) will be built1. , although mMany people in Hokkaido Prefecture have strongly been longing for the extension of the Shinkansen desire2 to introduce it into the Hokkaido area.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、to introduce the Shinkansen bullet train into the Hokkaido area across the Tsugaru Straits from the mainland of Japanto introduceacross the Tsugaru Straitsの意味がはっきりしません。日本の鉄道事情を知らない人は津軽海峡をどのようにして越えるのか疑問がでるでしょう。

 

まだ建設が始まっていないので、添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

People have been desiring ~とよりPeople have been longing for ~ 「待ち望んできた」がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 10, it was decided to extend the Shinkansen bullet line from the mainland to Hokkaido Island through the undersea tunnel across Tsugaru Straits. Several problems and barriers still remain before this Shinkansen (called the Hakodate Shinkansen) will be built. Many people in Hokkaido Prefecture have been longing for the extension of the Shinkansen to Hokkaido.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、10 September 07

 

It was officially decided on June 1 that the Hokkaido Shinkansen line would be expanded to Hokkaido across Tsugaru strait. People in Hokkaido have longed for Hokkaido Shinkansen line for a long time, but there are various problems to realize the New Hakodate Shinkansen.

 

添削

 

It was officially decided on June 1 that a new the Hokkaido Shinkansen line would be built in Hokkaido. This new Shinkansen will be an extension of the Tohoku Shinkansen to Hakodate across Tsugaru Straits and will be called the Hakodate Shinkansen. expanded to Hokkaido across Tsugaru strait. People in Hokkaido have longed for a Hokkaido Shinkansen line for a long time., but t However, there are still various problems to before realize the New Hakodate Shinkansen is realized.

 

コメント

 

北海道新幹線が(すでに北海道にあるので北海道新幹線という名前が付いているように読めます)津軽海峡を越えて北海道まで延長されるのかわかりません。また新函館新幹線と北海道新幹線の関係がわかりません。添削のような説明をするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

It was officially decided on June 1 that a new Shinkansen would be built in Hokkaido. This new Shinkansen will be an extension of the Tohoku Shinkansen to Hakodate across Tsugaru Straits and will be called the Hakodate Shinkansen. People in Hokkaido have longed for a Shinkansen for a long time. However, there are still various problems before the Hakodate Shinkansen is realized.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、16 September 05

 

On June 10, the government decided definitely that Shinkansen, a Japanese bullet train, would be expanded to the ground of Hokkaido across the Tsugaru Strait. Having Shinkansen in Hokkaido has been a long desire for the local people. However, many problems should be cleared before the opening of the new "Hakodade Shinkansen Line" .

 

添削

 

On June 10, the gGovernment of Japan decided definitely formally that the Shinkansen, a Japanese bullet train, would be expanded extended1 to the ground of Hokkaido across the Tsugaru Straits. Having the Shinkansen in Hokkaido has been a long-held desire dream for the local people. However, many problems should be cleared2 yet before the opening construction of the new "Hakodade Shinkansen Line" actually begins3 .

 

コメント

 

1.       expandは量が大きくなるときに使うので、「長さが伸びる」にはextendがよいでしょう。

 

2.       「〜するまでには、さまざま問題がよこたわる」をmany problems should be cleared before ~と表現したのがよいですね。

 

3.       文の前半との長さのバランスを考えて、ここは名詞句ではなくて従属節にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 10, the Government of Japan decided formally that the Shinkansen, a Japanese bullet train, would be extended to the ground of Hokkaido across Tsugaru Straits. Having the Shinkansen in Hokkaido has been a long-held dream for the local people. However, many problems should be cleared yet before the construction of the new "Hakodade Shinkansen Line" actually begins.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、12 August 05

 

It was officially decided on June 10 that the Shinkansen Line would be extended to the spacious land of Hokkaido over the Tsugaru Strait. The people of Hokkaido have been hoping to have the Hokkaido Shinkansen for a long time, but various problems lie ahead before the dream of opening the New Hakodate Shinkansen comes true.

 

添削

 

It was officially decided on June 10 that the Shinkansen Line (a bullet train line)1 would be extended to the spacious land of Hokkaido over the Tsugaru Straits. The people of Hokkaido have been hoping to have waiting for the Hokkaido Shinkansen for a long time, but various problems still lie ahead before the dream of opening the New Hakodate Shinkansen comes becomes true.

 

1.       The Shinkansen も英語圏の読者に大分知れ渡っているとおもいますが、念のために説明をいれました。

 

2.       have been waiting for のほうが具体的な表現でしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

It was officially decided on June 10 that the Shinkansen Line (a bullet train line) would be extended to the spacious land of Hokkaido over Tsugaru Straits. The people of Hokkaido have been waiting for the Hokkaido Shinkansen for a long time, but various problems still lie ahead before the dream of opening the New Hakodate Shinkansen becomes true.

 

 

初級練習問題 208

 

九州で空梅雨傾向で水不足の懸念が広がる中、野菜は好天で収穫が早まり、店頭価格が値下がりしている。一方、テーマパークは晴天続きでも客足が伸びず、期待外れの格好だ。福岡市では、6月に入ってキャベツやレタス、大根など露地物の値段が下がり始め、日によって白菜、キャベツは前年より4割近く値を下げている。

 

読者からの投稿 10(BURU, 21 August 16

 

People have concerned with water shortage during the less rainy days in this rainy season in Kyusyu. In the meantime the price of vegetables have been decreasing because their harvest time has been becoming early due to the continuing fine days. On the other hand the number of visitors to theme parks don’t increase so many even the good weather condition. So, the managements of theme park are disappointing. In Fukuoka City, the vegetable places of field-grown, such as Cabbages, Lettuces and Radishes, are starting decreasing. Especially Chinese Cabbages and normal Cabbages are declined the prices nearly 40% compared with last year.

 

添削

 

With less rainy days in this rainy season1, Ppeople in Kyusyu are have concerned with a water shortage during the less rainy days in this rainy season in Kyusyu. In the meantime the prices of vegetables have been decreasing because their harvesting time has become been becoming early earlier than usual due to the continuing fine days3. On the other hand the number of visitors to theme parks don’t does not increase much so many even under the good weather condition. So, the managements of theme park is are disappointing disappointed. In Fukuoka City, the vegetable places prices of field-grown vegetables, such as Ccabbages, lLettuces and Rradishes, are starting to decline decreasing. Especially, the prices of  Chinese Ccabbages and normal Ccabbages have are declined the prices nearly 40% from the same period compared with last year2.

 

コメント

 

during the less rainy days in this rainy season の表現は分かり難いです。Chinese Cabbages and normal Cabbages are declined the prices nearly 40% compared with last year. のところは文の構造が不可解ですが、意味は推測できます。文章の他の部分は内容がわかります。

 

1.       理由を文頭においたほうが内容がよくわかります。

 

2.       日本文はこの部分が文末にありますが、英文では(3) の次に置いたほうが自然です。

 

添削後の文章

 

With less rainy days in this rainy season, people in Kyusyu are concerned with a water shortage. In the meantime the prices of vegetables have been decreasing because their harvesting time has become earlier than usual due to the continuing fine days. On the other hand the number of visitors to theme parks does not increase much even under the good weather. So, the management of theme park is disappointed. In Fukuoka City, the prices of field-grown vegetables such as cabbages, lettuces and radishes are starting to decline . Especially, the prices of Chinese cabbages and normal cabbages have declined nearly 40% from the same period last year.

 

読者からの投稿 9(Lucca, 24 December 11

 

Amid growing concerns about a possible water shortage in Kyushu due to the recent dry rainy season, vegetables are harvested earlier than usual due to a continuing nice weather. As a consequence, the selling price of vegetables is decreasing reflecting the good harvest. Meanwhile, the number of visitors at entertainment parks is lower than expected despite the nice weather.  In Fukuoka, the price of vegetables such as cabbage, lettuce and radish has started going down since June. The price of Chinese cabbage and cabbage sometimes drops by nearly forty percent from the previous year.

 

添削

 

Amid growing concerns about a possible water shortage in Kyushu due to the recent dry rainy season, vegetables are harvested earlier than usual due to a the continuing nice weather. As a consequence, the selling prices of vegetables are is decreasing reflecting the good harvest. Meanwhile, the number of visitors at to entertainment parks is lower than expected despite the nice weather.  In Fukuoka, the prices of vegetables such as cabbage, lettuce and radish has started going down since in June. The prices of Chinese cabbage and cabbage sometimes drops by nearly forty percent from the previous year.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Amid growing concerns about a possible water shortage in Kyushu due to the recent dry rainy season, vegetables are harvested earlier than usual due to the continuing nice weather. As a consequence, the selling prices of vegetables are decreasing reflecting the good harvest. Meanwhile, the number of visitors to entertainment parks is lower than expected despite the nice weather. In Fukuoka, the prices of vegetables such as cabbage, lettuce and radish started going down in June. The prices of Chinese cabbage and cabbage sometimes drop by nearly forty percent from the previous year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(かい、19 July 11

 

Shop price of vegetables is lower now because of early harvest amid the growing concern for water shortage due to the trend of no raining during the rainy season in Kyushu. On the other hand, the number of customer who come to a theme park doesn't increase in spite of a consecutive sunny , and it is an aspect of a letdown. The price of open field's vegetables such as Cabbages, lettuces, radishes has started to decline since this June, and that of Chinese cabbages and cabbages is declining depending on the day nearly 40% more than last year's price.

 

添削

 

Shop Retail prices of vegetables are is lower now because of early harvesting amid the growing concern for water shortage due to the current trend of no raining during the rainy season in Kyushu. On the other hand, the number of customer who come to a theme parks doesn't increase in spite of a consecutive sunny days to the disappointment of them park companies1, and it is an aspect of a letdown. The prices of open field's vegetables such as Ccabbages, lettuces, radishes have has started to decline since this June, and that those of Chinese cabbages and cabbages is are sometimes declining depending on the day nearly 40% lower than last year more than last year's price.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       このような補足説明が具体的でしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Retail prices of vegetables are lower now because of early harvesting amid the growing concern for water shortage due to the current trend of no rain during the rainy season in Kyushu. On the other hand, the number of customer who come to theme parks doesn't increase in spite of consecutive sunny days to the disappointment of them park companies. The prices of open field's vegetables such as cabbages, lettuces, radishes have started to decline this June, and those of Chinese cabbages and cabbages are sometimes nearly 40% lower than last year .

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 31 March 10

 

Amid growing concern in Kyushu over water shortage due to dry rainy season, the retail price of vegetables has been going down as earlier-than-usual harvest thereof necessitated by a spell of fine weather lead to a glut of vegetables. The spell of fine weather, however, has not been able to attract a lot more visitors to local theme parks contrary to expectations. In Fukuoka City, prices of outdoor-drown vegetables such as cabbage, lettuce and Japanese radish started declining from early June and those for cabbage and Chinese cabbage in particular are sometimes down by as much as 40% from a year earlier.

 

添削

 

Amid growing concern in Kyushu over water shortage due to the dry rainy season, the retail prices of vegetables have has been going down because as the dry weather brought about1 an earlier-than-usual harvest thereof necessitated by a spell of fine weather and lead to a glut of vegetables. The spell of fine weather, however, has not been able to attract a lot more visitors to local theme parks contrary to the expectations. In Fukuoka City, prices of outdoor-drown grown vegetables such as cabbages, lettuces and Japanese radishes started declining from early June and those for cabbages and Chinese cabbages in particular are sometimes down by as much as 40% from the a year earlier.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

晴天続きなので収穫が早くなった、という因果関係のほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Amid growing concern in Kyushu over water shortage due to the dry rainy season, retail prices of vegetables have been going down because the dry weather brought about an earlier-than-usual harvest and lead to a glut of vegetables. The spell of fine weather, however, has not been able to attract a lot more visitors to local theme parks contrary to the expectation. In Fukuoka City, prices of outdoor-grown vegetables such as cabbages, lettuces and Japanese radishes started declining from early June and those for cabbages and Chinese cabbages in particular are sometimes down by as much as 40% from the  year earlier.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 7 November 08

 

In Kyushu area, the precipitation of this dry rainy season is low and the shortage of water is a serious concern. On the other hand, the sunny days enable us to harvest vegetable earlier than usual and prices of vegetable at groceries are going down. However, the number of visitors to amusement parks levels off against expectation regardless of such sunny days. In Fukuoka City, prices of vegetables grown outdoors such as cabbage, lettuce, Japanese radish have started going down since the beginning of June and prices of Chinese cabbage and cabbage have gone down by around 40 % one of these days. 

 

添削

 

In Kyushu area, the precipitation of this dry rainy season has been rather dry so far1 is low and the shortage of water is becoming a serious concern. On the other hand2, tThe sunny days have enabled us to harvest vegetables harvested earlier than usual and their prices of vegetable at groceries are going down. However3, tThe number of visitors to amusement parks has been less than levels off against expectation expected in spite regardless of those such sunny days. In Fukuoka City, the prices of vegetables grown outdoors such as cabbage, lettuce, Japanese radish have started going down since the beginning of June and the prices of Chinese cabbage and cabbage are sometimes 40 percent lower than last year have gone down by around 40 % one of these days.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが、わかり難い所があります。

 

1.       the rainy seasonを主語すると文が簡単になります。

 

2.       通常、On one hand, ~. On the other hand, ~.と一対で使い対比した内容の文をつなぎます。

 

3.       howeverは前の文と逆の内容の文を始めるときに使います。ここでは前の文と直接関係の無い文が続くのでhoweverは使いません。

 

添削後の文章

 

In Kyushu, the rainy season has been rather dry so far and the shortage of water is becoming serious concern. The sunny days have enabled vegetables harvested earlier than usual and their prices at groceries are going down. The number of visitors to amusement parks has been less than expected in spite of those sunny days. In Fukuoka City, the prices of vegetables grown outdoors such as cabbage, lettuce, Japanese radish have started going down since the beginning of June and the prices of Chinese cabbage and cabbage are sometimes 40 percent lower than last year .

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(KAPPA 2008, 17 April 08

 

Vegetable harvest is advanced due to good weather this year and the market price is dropping while a lack of water due to non-spell rainy season in Khushu. On the other hand, it was discouraged that the number of visitors to the called-Theme-parks did not grow in spite of continued clear weather days. In Fukuoka, the price of cabbages, lettuce, horseradish and other open vegetables are declining in June and the prices of Chinese cabbage and cabbage are sometimes lower approx 40 percent than those of the previous year

 

添削

 

Vegetable harvesting is being advanced in Kyushu1 due to the good weather this year and the market prices are is dropping while the dry rainy season is raising concern about a lack of water shortage2 due to non-spell rainy season in Khushu. On the other hand, it was discouraged3 that the number of visitors to the called-Ttheme-parks4 did not increase grow in spite of continued continuing clear weather days. In Fukuoka, the prices of cabbages, lettuce, horseradish and other open field vegetables are declining in June. and tThe prices of Chinese cabbage and cabbage are sometime lower approx about 40 percent lower than those of the previous year

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、わからないところがあります。

 

1.       「九州では」というのが大切な情報なので文の前方に置くとよいでしょう。

 

2.       while a lack of water due to non-spell rainy season in Khushuは名詞句なので文にします。

 

3.       it is discouraging that ~という言い方がありますが、ここでは必要ないでしょう。

 

4.       a theme parkは一般的な名詞なのでso calledは必要ありません。

 

添削後の文章

 

Vegetable harvesting is being advanced in Kyushu due to the good weather this year and the market prices are dropping while the dry rainy season is raising concern about a water shortage. On the other hand, the number of visitors to theme-parks did not increase in spite of continuing clear days. In Fukuoka, the prices of cabbages, lettuce, horseradish and other field vegetables are declining in June. The prices of Chinese cabbage and cabbage are sometime about 40 percent lower than the previous year

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、5 October 07

 

Kyushu local region worries about the shortage of water because of dry Baiu there. Such a continuous fine day leads to an early harvest of vegetables and a plunging price of them at a store. Meanwhile, more visitors to theme parks were expected because of succession of fine days, but it fell short of expectations. In Fukuoka City, the price of garden-grown vegetables, for example, a cabbage, a lettuce, Japanese radish and so on, has been plunging since this June. The price of Chinese cabbage and a cabbage is lower by 40% discount than last year from day to day.

 

添削

 

People in the Kyushu local region worriesy about the shortage of water because of the dry Baiu1 rainy season this year there. Such a continuous fine days leads result in to an early harvest of vegetables that2 and a plungeing their prices of them at a stores. Meanwhile, more visitors to theme parks were had been expected because of the succession of fine days, but so far the number of visitors it fell short of the expectations. In Fukuoka City, the prices of garden-grown vegetables, for example, a cabbage, a lettuce, and Japanese radish and so on3, has have been plunging since this June. The prices of Chinese cabbage and a cabbage is are now 40 percent lower by 40% discount than last year from day to day.

 

コメント        

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますがa cabbage is lower by 40% discount than last year from day to day.の下線部分の意味がわかりません。

 

1.       Baiuは日本語です。まだ英語圏でthe Baiuという表現は通用していません。

 

2.       ここで関係代名詞を使うと因果関係がはっきりします。

 

3.       for exampleとありますから、so onという「例」はありません。

 

添削後の文章

 

People in the Kyushu region worry about the shortage of water because of the dry rainy season this year. Such continuous fine days result in an early harvest of vegetables that  plunge their prices at stores. Meanwhile, more visitors to theme parks had been expected because of the succession of fine days, but so far the number of visitors fell short of the expectation. In Fukuoka City, the prices of garden-grown vegetables, for example, cabbage, lettuce, and Japanese radish have been plunging since June. The prices of Chinese cabbage and cabbage are now 40 percent lower than last year .

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、10 September 07

 

The weather in Kyushu is trending not to rain in spite of the rainy season, so people are spreading concerns over the lack of water. Vegetables are harvested earlier than usual due to fine weather and their shop prices are falling. On the other hand, though fine weather continues long, more customers than expected do not come to theme parks. This fell short of expectation. Vegetables in the field such as cabbages, lettuces, and radishes begin going down in price. This year's nappa cabbages and cabbages lower less than last year's ones by 40 % in price day to day.

 

添削

 

The weather in Kyushu has had little1 is trending not to rain in spite of the rainy season, and so people are concerned with2 spreading concerns over the lack of water. Vegetables are harvested earlier than usual due to fine the dry3 weather and their shop prices are falling. On the other hand, theme parks expected to though fine weather continues long, have more customers than expected usual due to the fine weather, but so far the number of visitors do not come to theme parks. This fell short of their expectation. Vegetables grown in the field such as cabbages, lettuces, and radishes begin going down in price. This year'sThe prices of nappa cabbages and cabbages are 40 percent lower lower less than last year's ones by 40 % in price day to day.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、わからないところがあります。

 

1.       「空梅雨傾向」と日本文にありますが、内容を解釈して「(今まで)雨が少ない」とするとよいでしょう。日本文の表現にこだわらずに内容を英文で表現するとやさしくなります。

 

2.       「水不足の懸念が広がる」も簡単に「水不足の心配をしている」とするとよいでしょう。people are spreading concernsとすると「皆がこの心配なことの噂を広めている」となり、とても深刻な事態のようになります。

 

3.       the fine weatherは「晴天」ですが、fineには「(あることに対して)良い」という意味があります。ここでは雨不足で晴天は良くないので、the dry weatherとすると文の内容と整合します。

 

添削後の文章

 

Kyushu has had little rain in spite of the rainy season and people are concerned with the lack of water. Vegetables are harvested earlier than usual due to the dry weather and their prices are falling. On the other hand, theme parks expected to have more customers than usual due to the fine weather, but so far the number of visitors fell short of their expectation. Vegetables grown in the field such as cabbages, lettuces, and radishes begin going down in price. The prices of nappa cabbages and cabbages are 40 percent lower than last year.                                            

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、23 September 05

 

A shortage of water is now worried in Kyusyu, the southern part of Japan, because of having lesser rain in the rainy season this year, while the good weather has urged earlier harvest of vegetables leading a fall of their retail prices. In the meantime, theme parks are disappointed that they couldn’t gather more visitors then their expectation in spite of the outing suitable weather. In Fukuoka City, prices of outdoor-grown vegetables like cabbage, lettuce and Japanese radish started falling in June, especially ordinal cabbage and Chinese cabbage have daily varied their prices by forty percent lower than the previous year.

 

添削

 

A possible1 shortage of water is now worried worrying people2 in Kyusyu, the southern part of Japan, because of they have so far had3 having lesser than usual rainy days4 in the rainy season this year,. while In the meantime5, the good weather has urged earlier harvest of vegetables, leading a fall of their retail prices. In the meantime, tTheme parks are also disappointed that they couldn’t have not been able to gather attract more as many visitors as they had expected then their expectation in spite of relying on the weather suitable for the outing6 suitable weather. In Fukuoka City, prices of outdoor-grown vegetables like such as cabbage, lettuce and Japanese radish started falling in June,. eEspecially ordinal ordinary cabbage and Chinese cabbage have daily varied their prices day by day, sometimes by forty percent lower than the previous year.

 

コメント

 

1.       水不足はまだ懸念の段階なのでa possible shortage of waterがよいでしょう。

 

2.       I worry water shortage. Water shortage worries me. I am worried by water shortage.worry の一般的な使い方です。

 

3.       because of having ~とつなげるより、because they have ~としたほうが読みやすいでしょう。

 

4.       次の文にthe good weather (fine days)があるので、ここでless than usual rainy days とするとつながりがよくなります。

 

5.       この文章には、水不足、野菜価格、テーマパークと三つのことが出てくるので、、ここから新しい文にして野菜価格のことを述べるとよいでしょう。ついでに、文章の最後の野菜価格のことをこの文のすぐ後ろの移してもよいでしょう。In the meantimeは便利なつなぎの句ですね。

 

6.       the weather suitable for outingは良い表現ですね。「晴天続きなので客足が伸びることをきたいしていた」ので晴天続きが客足の伸びの期待の要因ですね。この因果関係をはっきりさせるにはas many visitors as they had expected relying on the weather suitable for outingと期待と晴天続きがプラスの関係で続いている必要があります。they have not been able to attract more visitors in spite of the weather suitable for outingとしてexpectationを文に入れない表現もできます。

 

添削後の文章

 

A possible shortage of water is now worrying people in Kyusyu, the southern part of Japan, because they have so far had less than usual rainy days in the rainy season this year. In the meantime, the good weather has urged earlier harvest of vegetables, leading a fall of their retail prices. Theme parks are also disappointed that they have not been able to attract as many visitors as they had expected relying on the weather suitable for outing. In Fukuoka City, prices of outdoor-grown vegetables such as cabbage, lettuce and Japanese radish started falling in June. Especially, ordinary cabbage and Chinese cabbage have varied their prices day by day, sometimes forty percent lower than the previous year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、31 August 05

 

While there is growing concern for water shortage due to the unusually dry rainy season in Kyushu, vegetables are harvested earlier than usual as the good weather prevails. As a result, the prices of vegetables are dropping at the retail level. In the meantime, theme parks fail to attract enough visitors to meet their expectation despite a spell of good weather. In Fukuoka City, the prices of garden-grown cabbage, lettuce and radish started to fall in June.  It sometimes happens that the prices of Chinese cabbage and cabbage drop by some 40% compared to the previous year.

 

添削

 

While3 there is growing concern for water shortage due to the unusually dry rainy season in Kyushu, vegetables are harvested earlier than usual as the good weather prevails. As a result3, the prices of vegetables are dropping at the retail level. In the meantime3, theme parks are failing1 to attract enough visitors to meet their expectation despite a spell of good weather2. In Fukuoka City, the prices of garden-grown cabbage, lettuce and radish started to fall in June. It sometimes happens that Sometimes3 the prices of Chinese cabbage and cabbage drop by some 40% compared to the previous year.

 

1.       現在進行形のほうが臨場感があるでしょう。

 

2.       「一方、テーマパークは晴天続きでも客足が伸びず、期待外れの格好だ。」は「晴天」を主語にして次のようにも表現できます。In the meantime, the good dry weather has not helped theme parks in the area to attract as many visitors as they had expected.

 

3.       文と文のつなぎ方に工夫がしてあって読みやすくなっていますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

While there is growing concern for water shortage due to the unusually dry rainy season in Kyushu, vegetables are harvested earlier than usual as the good weather prevails. As a result, the prices of vegetables are dropping at the retail level. In the meantime, theme parks are failing to attract enough visitors to meet their expectation despite a spell of good weather. In Fukuoka City, the prices of garden-grown cabbage, lettuce and radish started to fall in June. Sometimes the prices of Chinese cabbage and cabbage drop by some 40% compared to the previous year.

 

 

初級練習問題 209

 

小泉純一郎首相は6月23日、米軍再編での基地負担軽減について「沖縄以外の県で負担しなければいけない分も将来は出てくる可能性はあると思っているが、今、米政府と協議中なので移転先の具体名を言える段階にはない」と述べ、再編協議の中で検討を進めていることを説明した。

 

読者からの投稿 11(BURU, 21 August 16

 

Prime Minister Jyunichiro Koizumi mentioned how to reduce the burden of the US camps of Japan from Okinawa on June 23. Mr. Koizumi told that “there is a possibility to incur some burdens to other prefectures in the future, but now, Japanese government has still been negotiating this issue with US government, so at this time, I cannot say anything about the exact moving location.”  Japanese government has been proceeding with the study with US government during the discussion of the reorganization of US military.

 

添削

 

Prime Minister Jyunichiro Koizumi mentioned how to reduce the burden of living with the US military camps of Japan from the people of Okinawa on June 23. Mr. Koizumi said, told that tThere is a possibility to shift incur some burdens to other prefectures in the future,. bBut now, the Japanese government has is still been negotiating this issue with the US government.., sSo, at this time, I cannot say anything about the exact moving locations.” The Japanese government has been proceeding with this the study with the US government during the discussions of the reorganization of the US military forces in Japan.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Prime Minister Jyunichiro Koizumi mentioned how to reduce the burden of living with the US military camps from the people of Okinawa on June 23. Mr. Koizumi said, There is a possibility to shift some burdens to other prefectures in the future But now, the Japanese government is still negotiating this issue with the US government. So, at this time, I cannot say anything about the exact moving locations.” The Japanese government has been proceeding with this study with the US government during the discussions of the reorganization of the US military forces in Japan.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Lucca, 31 December 11

 

On June 23, Mr. Junichiro Koizumi, Prime Minister of Japan, explained that a Japan-US talks on the US troops transformation was ongoing in order to reduce the Japan's burdens to support the stationary US troops in Japan. He said, "I think that there will be a possibility in the future that prefectures other than Okinawa will have to bear the burdens. However, as the Japanese Government is now discussing this issue with the US Government, I am not ready to mention specific places."

 

添削

 

On June 23, Mr. Junichiro Koizumi, Prime Minister of Japan, explained that a the Japan-US talks on the re-arrangement of US troops transformation was ongoing in order to reduce the Japan's burdens to support the stationary US troops in Japan. He said, "I think that there will be a possibility in the future that prefectures other than Okinawa will have to bear the more burdens than now. However, as the Japanese Government is now discussing this issue with the US Government, I am not ready to mention specific places."

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       既に沖縄以外にも米軍基地はありますから、このような表現がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 23, Mr. Junichiro Koizumi, Prime Minister of Japan, explained that the Japan-US talks on the re-arrangement of US troops was ongoing in order to reduce the Japan's burdens to support the US troops in Japan. He said, "I think that there will be a possibility in the future that prefectures other than Okinawa will have to bear more burdens than now. However, as the Japanese Government is now discussing this issue with the US Government, I am not ready to mention specific places."

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(かい、20 July 11

 

On June 23, Japanese Prime Minister, Junichiro Koizumi said “we think that another cost of U.S military base's cost covered by other prefectures except Okinawa Prefecture will accrue in the future, though, it is too early to announce the new address of the base because of under negotiation with U.S Government now.” concerning the alleviation of its cost burden on the realignment of U.S forces. By the announcement, he explained that Japanese government is discussing the matter through the negotiation of the realignment.

 

添削

 

On June 23, Japanese Prime Minister, Junichiro Koizumi said,we I think that some of another cost of the U.S military base's currently in Okinawa Prefecture will be moved to cost covered by other prefectures except Okinawa Prefecture will accrue in the future.,  though,    But it is too early to announce the names of these prefectures new address of the base because the issue is of under negotiation with the U.S Government now.” in the discussions concerning the alleviation of its cost burden on the realignment of U.S forces in Japan. By the announcement, he explained that Japanese government is discussing the matter through the negotiation of the realignment.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、わからないところがあります。政治家の発言は特別な言い方がありますから、日本語の表現をそのまま英文に表現することをやめて、内容をとって英文で表現するとよいでしょう。添削は、日本文の内容の解釈の一例です。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 23, Japanese Prime Minister, Junichiro Koizumi said, “I think that some of the U.S military base currently in Okinawa Prefecture will be moved to other prefectures in the future.    But it is too early to announce the names of these prefectures because the issue is under negotiation with the U.S Government now in the discussions concerning the realignment of U.S forces in Japan.

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 2 April 10

 

On June 23, Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi talked about the reduction of financial burdens for maintaining US military bases in Okinawa in conjunction with the realignment of US forces in Japan. He said that there would be a possibility for prefectures other than Okinawa to share the burdens but it was too early to disclose the name of the potential sites of relocation since his government was in the middle of comprehensive deliberations with the US government on the realignment.

 

添削

 

On June 23, Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi talked about the reduction of financial local1 burdens for maintaining US military bases in Okinawa in conjunction with the realignment of US forces in Japan. He said that there would be a possibility for prefectures other than Okinawa to share the burdens but it was too early to disclose the name of the potential sites of relocation since his government was in the middle of comprehensive deliberations with the US government on the realignment.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。日本文に小泉首相とありますが、これが正しく、鳩山首相の間違いではありません。

 

いろいろな負担があるのが問題になっていますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 23, Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi talked about the reduction of local burdens for maintaining US military bases in Okinawa in conjunction with the realignment of US forces in Japan. He said that there would be a possibility for prefectures other than Okinawa to share the burdens but it was too early to disclose the name of the potential sites of relocation since his government was in the middle of comprehensive deliberations with the US government on the realignment.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 10 November 08

 

On June 23, Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi told about reduction of the burden of the US military bases by their reorganization. He explained that he thought it would be possible to transfer the US military bases in Okinawa to other prefectures to reduce the burden on Okinawa in the future, but it was not time to mention new definite places for the US military bases yet since now the Japanese government was conferring with the US government about the reorganization of the US military bases.

 

添削

 

On June 23, Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi told made comments on about the reduction of the local burdens of hosting the US military bases in conjunction with the current discussions on the by their reorganization of US military forces in Japan1. He explained that he thought it would be possible to transfer the US military bases in Okinawa to other prefectures to reduce the burden on Okinawa in the future, but it was not time yet to mention new definite places for the US military bases yet since now the Japanese government was conferring with the US government about the reorganization of the US military bases.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       文章の後半に同様な内容がありますが、文章の最初でもこのような補足説明を入れたほうが内容がわかりやすくなるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 23, Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi made comments on the reduction of local burdens of hosting US military bases in conjunction with the current discussions on the  reorganization of US military forces in Japan. He explained that he thought it would be possible to transfer the US military bases in Okinawa to other prefectures to reduce the burden on Okinawa in the future but it was not time yet to mention new places for the US military bases since the Japanese government was conferring with the US government about the reorganization of the US military bases.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(KAPPA 2008, 18 April 08

 

On June 23, regarding the burden reduction of the military base due to US force reorganization the prime minister Koizumi Junichiro said that we are not in a position to nominate a new base name now because it is under negotiation with the US Government while there is a possibility of new burden borne by other places than Okinawa in the future. He explained that they are discussed during the meeting of the reorganization.

 

添削

 

On June 23, regarding the burden reduction of the US military bases due to the US force reorganization in Japan1, the Pprime mMinister Koizumi Junichiro Koizumi2 said that we are were not ready yet in a position3 to reveal nominate a new base name now because it is was still under negotiation with the US Government while there was a possibility of sharing the new burden borne by with prefectures other places than Okinawa in the future. He explained that they the Japanese Government was are negotiating this subject with the US Government discussed during the meetings of the reorganization4.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、最後の文の意味が曖昧です。

 

このような補足説明を入れると内容がはっきりするでしょう。

 

1.       日本人の氏名の英語表現は日本名と同じに氏―名の順序にしようという意見もありますが、まだ少ないです。

 

2.       we are not in a position of ~とすると、何か制約があって〜出来ない、という意味になります。もっと一般的なwe are not ready yet to ~としました。

 

3.       このように説明するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 23, regarding the burden reduction of US military bases due to the US force reorganization in Japan, Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi2 said that we were not ready yet  to reveal a new base name because it was still under negotiation with the US Government while there was a possibility of sharing the burden with prefectures other than Okinawa in the future. He explained that the Japanese Government was negotiating this subject with the US Government during the meetings of the reorganization.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、6 October 07

 

On June 23rd, Prime minister Junichiro Koizumi talked about the reduction of the burden of the military base against realignment of U.S. forces in Okinawa Prefecture. In his statement, he showed that it would seem to be necessary that other prefecture except Okinawa Prefecture would carry the burden in the future. Moreover, he indicated that it was not ready to say the other place for the military base because Japanese government and the U.S. government were under discussion. Finally, he revealed that the relocation destination for the military base was under consideration in the conference between Japanese government and the U.S. government.

 

添削

 

On June 23rd, Prime minister Junichiro Koizumi talked about the reduction of the burden of the military bases against realignment of U.S. forces in Okinawa Prefecture in conjunction with the current discussions with the US Government about the realignment of US military bases in Japan1. In his statement, he showed said that it would seem to be necessary that for other prefectures except Okinawa Prefecture would to carry the more burdens in the future. Moreover, hHe indicated that he it was not ready yet to say which prefectures should have the other place for the US military bases because the Japanese gGovernment and the U.S. gGovernment were still negotiating under discussion. Finally, he revealed that the relocation destination for the military base was under consideration in the conference between Japanese government and the U.S. government2.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、the reduction of the burden of the military base against realignment of U.S. forces in Okinawa Prefectureで下線部分の意味と、これがこの文のほかの部分とどう関係しているのかわかりません。「沖縄の米軍基地再編成に反対して軍事負担を削減する」と解釈できないこともありませんが、さてこれがどういう意味なのか曖昧になります。

 

1.       このような説明を加えるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       前の文で説明してあるので省略します。

 

On June 23rd, Prime minister Junichiro Koizumi talked about the reduction of the burden of the military bases in Okinawa Prefecture in conjunction with the current discussions with the US Government about the realignment of US military bases in Japan. In his statement, he said that it would seem to be necessary for other prefectures to carry more burdens in the future. He indicated that he was not ready yet to say which prefectures should have US military bases because the Japanese Government and the U.S. Government were still negotiating.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、11 September 07

 

On June 23, prime minister Jyunichiro Koizumi said "In connection with the realignment of U. S. forces in Japan, I think that there is a possibility that military bases should be placed in other prefectures without Okinawa Prefecture to reduce the military bases in Okinawa. " He also said "But as we are now discussing the matter with the U. S. government, we cannot specifically tell the names of a relocation destination." He explained that the relocation destinations would be decided in the meeting on the realignment of U. S. forces.

 

添削

 

On June 23, pPrime mMinister Jyunichiro Koizumi said, "In connection with the realignment of U. S. forces in Japan, I think that there is a possibility that