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初級練習問題の添削 181−190

 

初級練習問題 181(17 May 05) (19 June 05) (17 April 07) (20 Aug 07) (2 Sept 07)

                                (13 Sept 08) (27 Feb 10) (21 May 11) (16 May 13) (16 May 13)

                          (26 June 16)                           

               

初級練習問題 182(18 May 05) (20 June 05) (17 April 07) (21 Aug 07) (2 Sept 07)

                                (15 Sept 08) (27 Feb 10) (23 May 11) (16 May 13) (29 June 16)

 

初級練習問題 183(18 May 05) (24 June 05) (18 April 07) (21 Aug 07) (3 Sept 07)

                              (16 Sept 08) (27 Feb 10) (23 May 11) (16 May 13) (29 June 16)

 

初級練習問題 184(21 May 05) (30 June 05) (18 April 07) (21 Aug 07) (3 Sept 07)

                                (17 Sept 08) (28 Feb 10) (25 May 11) (19 May 13) (29 June 16)

 

初級練習問題 185(26 May 05) (5 July 05) (18 April 07) (22 Aug 07) (7 Sept 07) (18 Sept 08)

                              (28 Feb 10) (31 May 11) (4 July 12) (27 May 13) (30 June 16) 

 

初級練習問題 186(20 June 05) (13 July 05) (19 April 07) (8 Sept 07) (19 Sept 08)

                              (5 March 10) (3 June 11) (16 March 13) (28 May 13) (1 July 16)

 

初級練習問題 187(20 June 05) (18 July 05) (20 April 07) (9 Sept 07) (21 Sept 08)

                                (5 March 10) (5 June 11) (3 July 16)

 

初級練習問題 188(22 June 05) (22 July 05) (27 April 07) (10 Sept 07) (21 Sept 08)

                               (8 March 10)              (7 June 11) (27 May 13) (3 July 16)

 

初級練習問題 189(22 June 05) (26 July 05) (28 April 07) (10 Sept 07) (24 Sept 08)

                                (8 March 10) (11 June 11) (6 July 16)

 

初級練習問題 190(23 June 05) (31 July 05) (6 March 07) (28 April 07) (11 Sept 07)

                                (25 Sept 08) (8 March 10) (15 June 11) (6 July 16)

 

初級練習問題 181

 

10月3日午後2時30分ごろ、兵庫県浜坂町の農家の主婦が居間でテレビを見ていたところ、勝手口付近で「ガリガリ」と物音がするのに気付き、振り向くと、ツキノワグマが廊下を歩いていた。主婦はは居間にいた夫とはだしで窓から逃げ出し、110番通報した。

 

読者からの投稿 10(Buru, 26 June 16

 

On October 3 about 2:30pm, when a farmer’s couple was watching TV at a living room, they heard something strange rasping sound around a kitchen area. Casually, turning round there, they saw a bear walking in a corridor. The couple was so surprise that they went away from the nearest window without their shoes and called police station immediately.

 

添削

 

About 2:30 pm Oon October 3 about 2:30pm, when a farmer’s couple was watching TV in the2 at a living room, they heard something strange rasping sounds around the a kitchen area. Casually, turning around to the living room there, they saw a bear walking in a the corridor. The couple was so surprised that they went got out of the house away from the nearest window without their shoes and called police station immediately.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       時間が日付の前にきます。

 

2.       話の中の農家は特定なものなので定冠詞をつけます。

 

添削後の文章

 

About 2:30 pm on October 3 when a farmer couple was watching TV in the living room, they heard some strange rasping sounds around the kitchen area. Casually turning around to the living room, they saw a bear walking in the corridor. The couple was so surprised that they went got out of the house from the nearest window without their shoes and called police  immediately.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Valley winds, 16 May 13

 

When farmer were watching TV in their living room in Hamasaka Town Hyogo Prefecture at about 2:30pm on October 3, they found 'gari gari' sounds and then turned found tsukinowa bear walking on the hallway. The housewife got away barefoot through window with her husband staying in the living room and called 110.

 

添削

 

When a farmer’s wife was were watching TV in the their living room in Hamasaka Town, Hyogo Prefecture at about 2:30 pm on October 3, she they heard found 'gari gari' scratching sounds in the house. and then She turned around and found a grizzly tsukinowa bear walking in on the hallway. She The housewife got away from the house barefoot through the window with her husband staying in the living room and called police 110.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       日本文では話の主人公は農家の主婦になっていますから、英文でもそのとおりにするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

When a farmer’s wife was watching TV in the living room in Hamasaka Town, Hyogo Prefecture at about 2:30 pm on October 3, she heard scratching sounds in the house. She turned around and found a grizzly bear walking in the hallway. She got away from the house barefoot through the window with her husband staying in the living room and called police .

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(かい、21 May 11

 

Around 2:30 pm on October 3 ,when the couple engaging in agriculture in Hamasaka town , Hyogo Prefecture had watched TV in their living room, they noticed a noise of a scratch near the back door. Shortly after that, they looked back ,and there was a black bear walking on the floor in their house. The wife escaped barefoot with her husband in living room from there and called 110.

 

添削

 

Around 2:30 pm on October 3,when the couple engaging in agriculture a farmer’s wife1 in Hamasaka town Town , Hyogo Prefecture was had watcheding TV in their the living room., they Suddenly she heard noticed a scratching noises of a scratch near at the back door of the house. and Shortly after that, they looked back ,and there was to find2 a black bear walking in the hallway on the floor in their house. She The wife escaped from the house through the window barefoot with her husband who was also in living room from there and called the police 110.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       多分、夫婦でテレビを見ていたのでしょうが、日本文ではその点がはっきりしないので(夫はそのと今に入って来たのかもしれません)ここでは主婦を主語にしました。

 

2.       looked back to find Alooked back and then found Aと同じです。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 2:30 pm on October 3, a farmer’s wife in Hamasaka Town, Hyogo Prefecture was  watching TV in the living room. Suddenly she heard scratching noises at the back door of the house and looked back to find a black bear walking in the hallway. She escaped from the house through the window barefoot with her husband who was also in living room and called the police .

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 27 February 10

 

At around 2:30 on the afternoon of October 3, a farmer’s wife at Hamasaka-cho, Hyogo Prefecture heard strange rasping noises coming from around the back door when she was watching TV in the living room. Looking back, she found a black bear walking down the hall. She, together with her husband got away barefoot out of the window and called the police.

 

添削

 

At around 2:30 on the afternoon of October 3, a farmer’s wife at Hamasaka-cho, Hyogo Prefecture heard strange rasping noises coming from around the back door when she was watching TV in the living room. Looking back, she found a black bear walking down the hall. She and1, together with her husband got away barefoot out of the window and called the police.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。事柄の順序がよくわかります。

 

She and her husbandと二人の同格の主語のしたほうが、文がすっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

At around 2:30 on the afternoon of October 3, a farmer’s wife at Hamasaka-cho, Hyogo Prefecture heard strange rasping noises coming from around the back door when she was watching TV in the living room. Looking back, she found a black bear walking down the hall. She and her husband got away barefoot out of the window and called the police.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 13 Sept 08

 

Around 2:30 pm on October 3, while a housewife of a farmer family in Hamasaka Town, Hyogo, was watching TV in the living room, they noticed a scrape noise nearby the back door and turned around their faces to find a black bear walking along the hallway. The wife ran barefoot through a window with her husband, who was also in the living room and called the emergency number 110.

 

添削

 

Around 2:30 pm on October 3, while when a housewife of a farmer’s wife family in Hamasaka Town, Hyogo, was watching TV in the living room, she heard some they noticed a scrapeing noises nearby near the back door and turned around their faces to find a black bear walking along in the hallway. The wife got out of the house ran barefoot through a window with her husband, who was also in the living room, and called the emergency number 110.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 2:30 pm on October 3, when a farmer’s wife in Hamasaka Town, Hyogo, was watching TV in the living room, she heard some scraping noises near the back door and turned around  to find a black bear walking in the hallway. The wife got out of the house barefoot through a window with her husband, who was also in the living room, and called the emergency number 110.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5〈散歩人、2 September 07

 

About at 2:30 p.m. on October 3rd, a wife, a farmer in Hamasaka cho of Hyogo Prefecture, found someone or something to rasp near a backdoor when she was watching a TV program in the sitting room, turned to look at the place where there was peculiar sound and found that an asiatic black bear was walking in the hall way. The wife and her husband who was in the sitting room ran away from the window without putting their shoes, and, after the escape, she reported the incident to the police

 

添削

 

About at 2:30 p.m. on October 3rd, a farmer’s wife, a farmer in Hamasaka Town in cho of Hyogo Prefecture heard, found someone or something to rasping2 near the a backdoor when she was watching a TV3 program in the sitting room., She4 turned around and found to look at the place where there was peculiar sound and found that an asiatic a black bear was walking in the hall way. The wifeShe and her husband who was in the sitting room ran away from the window without putting their shoes, and phoned5, after the escape, she reported the incident to the police.1

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の総てがわかります。添削のようにすると読みやすくなります。

 

2.       a raspはやすりですから、raspという動詞は「やすりで磨くようなギシギシした音がする」の意味ですね。ですからheardとなります。

 

3.       watch TVで「テレビ(番組)を見る」となります。

 

4.       物事が続いて起きることの記述なので、文を短くすると文章にリズムが生まれます。

 

5.       reported the incident to the policeとすると、後でこの事件を警察に報告した、という感じです。驚いてすぐに電話をかけたのでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

About at 2:30 p.m. on October 3rd, a farmer’s wife in Hamasaka Town in Hyogo Prefecture heard something rasping near the backdoor when she was watching TV in the sitting room. She turned around and found a black bear walking in the hall way. She and her husband who was in the sitting room ran away from the window without shoes and phoned the police.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、20 August 07

 

Around 2:30 a.m. on October 3, a housewife was watching TV in the living room of her farmhouse at Hamasaka Town in Hyogo Prefecture. She was aware of rasping sounds by the kitchen door, so she looked back. Then, she looked at a bear walking on the passage. She and her husband escaped from a window in the living room without wearing shoes. They gave the police a call soon.

 

添削

 

Around 2:30 a.m. on October 3, a housewife was watching TV in the living room of her farmhouse at Hamasaka Town in Hyogo Prefecture. As sShe became was aware1 of rasping sounds by the kitchen door, so she looked back. Then, she saw looked at2 a bear walking in on the passage hallway. She and her husband quickly escaped outside from a window in the living room without wearing shoes and immediately phoned the police. They gave the police a call soon.

 

1.       英文の内容の総てがわかりますが、She was aware1 she became aware of ~ として「ガリガリいう音に気が付いて」とします。she was aware of ~だと、「ガリガリする音をずっと気にしていたので」となります。

 

2.       looked at a bear 熊を眺めた、ではなくて saw a bear 熊を見た(日本語では熊が見えた)がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 2:30 a.m. on October 3, a housewife was watching TV in the living room of her farmhouse at Hamasaka Town in Hyogo Prefecture. As she became aware1 of rasping sounds by the kitchen door, she looked back. Then, she saw a bear walking in the hallway. She and her husband quickly escaped outside from a window in the living room without wearing shoes and immediately phoned the police.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(kappa 2004, 17 April 07

 

Around 2:30 pm on October 3, a housewife of the farmer who had been watching TV in the living room in the Town of Hamaoka, Hyogo Prefecture looked back to find that a Himalayan black bear was walking in the hallway of the house, as she noticed strange sound of gnawing around the kitchen entrance. She run away with her husband having been in the living room and telephoned emergency at 110.

 

添削

 

Around 2:30 pm on October 3, a housewife of the farmer a farm1 who had been watching TV in the living room in the Town of Hamaoka, Hyogo Prefecture heard strange sounds of gnawing around the kitchens entrance2. She looked back to find that a Himalayan black bear was walking in the hallway of the house, as she noticed strange sound of gnawing around the kitchen entrance.  She run away with her husband having been in the living room through the window barefoot and telephoned the emergency number at 110.

 

コメント

 

1.       a housewife of the farmer who had been ~とすると、whoa housewifethe farmerかわからないので添削のようにしました。

 

2.       時間の順序にしたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 2:30 pm on October 3, a housewife of a farm who had been watching TV in the living room in the Town of Hamaoka, Hyogo Prefecture heard strange sounds of gnawing around the kitchens entrance. She looked back to find that a Himalayan black bear was walking in the hallway of the house She run away with her husband in the living room through the window barefoot and telephoned the emergency number 110.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、19 June 05

 

Around 2:30PM on October 3, a housewife of a farm in Hamasaka-cyou, Hyogo prefecture, was watching TV in her living room, when she noticed a crunching sound coming from near the kitchen door. At the moment she turned around, the housewife saw a black bear walking in the hallways in her house. She escaped from the window barefoot with her husband , who was also in the living room, and reported to the police.

 

添削

 

Around 2:30 p.m.1 PM on October 3, a housewife of a farm in Hamasaka-cyou Cho, Hyogo pPrefecture, was watching TV in her living room, 2when she noticed heard3 a crunching sounds4 coming from near the kitchen door. At the moment As5 she turned around, the housewife saw she found a black bear walking in the hallways in her house6. She immediately7 escaped outside8 from through the window barefoot with her husband , who was also in the living room, and reported to the police.

 

コメント

 

1.       2:30 p.m. または2:30 pmと小文字を使うのが標準です。英文全体として構文がしっかりしているので読みやすいですね。

 

2.       whenの上手な使い方ですね。コンマがあると「台所で音がしたときにテレビを見ていた」となり、コンマがないと「テレビを見ていた、すると台所で音がした」という感じになります。ここでは後者のほうが臨場感があってよいでしょう。

 

3.       heardと直接的な表現したほうがよいでしょう。

 

4.       ガリガリと幾つも音がしたので複数になります。

 

5.       At the moment she turned aroundとすると「主婦がふりかえるやいなや」というようにその瞬間が強調されるので、At the moment she woke up her husband, a bear was just about to enter into the living room.というようなときには有効ですが、ここではAs she turned aroundでよいでしょう。

 

6.       in her housein the hallwayにこのような意味が含まれているので要りません。

 

7.       immediatelyをいれるの状況がよくわかります。

 

8.       escape to B from AAからBに逃げた、となるのでShe immediately escaped outside (from the living room) through the window. になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 2:30 p.m. on October 3, a housewife of a farm in Hamasaka- Cho, Hyogo Prefecture, was watching TV in her living room when she heard crunching sounds coming from near the kitchen door. As she turned around, she found a black bear walking in the hallway. She immediately escaped outside through the window barefoot with her husband, who was also in the living room, and reported to the police.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、17 May 05

 

Around 2:30 p.m. on October 3, a housewife, who was watching TV in a living room at a farmhouse in Hamasakacho, Hyogo Prefecture, heard a "rasping" sound from somewhere near the kitchen door and then turned around to find a black bear walking in the corridor. She dashed barefoot out of a window with her husband who had also been in the living room and called the police.

 

添削

 

Around 2:30 p.m. on October 3, a housewife, who was watching TV in a living room at a farmhouse in Hamasakacho, Hyogo Prefecture, heard a "rasping" sounds from somewhere near the kitchen door. and then She1 turned around to find a black bear walking in the corridor. She dashed escaped outside2 barefoot out of through a window with her husband who had also been in the living room and called the police3.

 

コメント

 

1.       一度ここで文を切ったほうが、次の文との間に切迫した緊張感がでてよいでしょう。

 

2.       dashed outside, dashed to the gardenとどこに行くか場所が必要です。わかりやすくescaped outsideとしました。

 

3.       警察の緊急電話番号は国によって違いますから、「110番通報した。」はマウント60さんのようにcalled (phoned) the policeがよいですね。ちなみに私の住む町では警察、消防はともに911番です。孫が2歳のころに電話で遊んでいましたが、突然警察から電話があり、「今緊急電話があり、誰も出なかったが、何かありましたか?」と聞かれました。孫が偶然911番をダイヤルしたようでした。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 2:30 p.m. on October 3, a housewife, who was watching TV in a living room at a farmhouse in Hamasakacho, Hyogo Prefecture, heard rasping sounds from somewhere near the kitchen door. She turned around to find a black bear walking in the corridor. She escaped outside barefoot through a window with her husband who had also been in the living room and called the police.

 

 

初級練習問題 182

 

宮崎県日向市の細島港の沖合2キロの岩場にあったイクイバエ灯台(高さ約8メートル、直径約3メートル)が、8月30日に付近を通過した台風16号の影響で、土台を残して消えた。

 

読者からの投稿 10(Buru, 29 June 16

 

The Ikuibae lighthouse (height about 8 meters, diameter about 3 meters) in Hyuga City, Miyazaki, was torn down by Typhoon No.16 on August 30 except its foundation. The lighthouse was located at offshore 2 kilometers away from Hosojima Port.

 

添削

 

The Ikuibae lighthouse (height about 8 meters, diameter about 3 meters) in Hyuga City, Miyazaki, was torn down by Typhoon No.16 on August 30 except its foundation. The lighthouse was located at offshore 2 kilometers offshore away from Hosojima Port.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ikuibae lighthouse (height about 8 meters, diameter about 3 meters) in Hyuga City, Miyazaki, was torn down by Typhoon No.16 on August 30 except its foundation. The lighthouse was located at 2 kilometers offshore away from Hosojima Port.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Valley winds, 16 May 13

 

Ikuibae lighthouse (about eight meter height and about three meter in diameter) vanished except its base on August 30, because of typhoon 16. It was on a rocky stretch two km offshore at Hosojima Port in Hyuga City Miyazaki Prefecture.

 

添削

 

Ikuibae lighthouse (about eight meters in height and about three meters in diameter) was washed away by typhoon 16 vanished except its base on August 30, because of typhoon 16. It was on a rocky stretch two kilometers km offshore at Hosojima Port in Hyuga City Miyazaki Prefecture.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Ikuibae lighthouse (about eight meters in height and about three meters in diameter) was washed away by typhoon 16 d except its base on August 30. It was on a rocky stretch two kilometers offshore at Hosojima Port in Hyuga City Miyazaki Prefecture.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(かい、23 May 11

 

The Ikuibae Lighthouse (about 8 meters in height , about 3 meters in diameter) on a rocky stretch located at 2km offshore from the Hososhima Port in Hyuga City ,Miyazaki Prefecture was destroyed except it's foundation by the Typhoon No.16 that had passed by the offshore on August 30.

 

添削

 

The Ikuibae Lighthouse (about 8 meters in height , about 3 meters in diameter) on a rocky stretch located at 2 km kilometers offshore from the Hososhima Port in Hyuga City ,Miyazaki Prefecture was completely destroyed and washed away1 except its it's foundation by the Typhoon No.16 that had passed nearby by the offshore on August 30.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       destroyed by Typhoon No. 16と続きたいのですが、その前にexcept its foundationがあるので、何に破壊されたのかwashed awayをいれてヒントとしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ikuibae Lighthouse (about 8 meters in height, about 3 meters in diameter) on a rocky stretch located at 2 kilometers offshore from the Hososhima Port in Hyuga City,Miyazaki Prefecture was completely destroyed and washed away except its foundation by Typhoon No.16 that had passed nearby on August 30.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 27 February 10

 

The Ikuibae Lighthouse (8 meters in height, 3 meters in diameter) built on the rocks 2 kilometers off the port of Hososhima in Hyuga City, Miyazaki Prefecture was blown off by the season's 16th typhoon which passed nearby on August 30, leaving only its foundation behind.

 

添削

 

The Ikuibae Lighthouse (8 meters in height, and 3 meters in diameter) built on the rocks 2 two kilometers off the port of Hososhima in Hyuga City, Miyazaki Prefecture was blown off by the season's 16th typhoon which passed nearby on August 30, leaving only its foundation behind on the rocks.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ikuibae Lighthouse (8 meters in height and 3 meters in diameter) built on the rocks two kilometers off the port of Hososhima in Hyuga City, Miyazaki Prefecture was blown off by the season's 16th typhoon which passed nearby on August 30, leaving only its foundation on the rocks.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 15 Sept 08

 

The Ikubae Lighthouse (8 meters in height, 3 meters in diameter) on the rocks 2 kilometers off the shore of the Port of Hosojima in Hyuga City, Miyazaki disappeared leaving its foundation behind because of Typhoon No.16, which had passed around there on August 30.

 

添削

 

The Ikubae Lighthouse (8 meters in height, 3 meters in diameter) on the rocks 2 kilometers off the shore of the Port of Hosojima in Hyuga City, Miyazaki, disappeared just leaving its foundation behind because when of Typhoon No.16 had washed away the whole lighthouse1, which had passed around there on August 30.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       この説明をいれるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ikubae Lighthouse (8 meters in height, 3 meters in diameter) on the rocks 2 kilometers off the shore of the Port of Hosojima in Hyuga City, Miyazaki, disappeared just leaving its foundation behind when Typhoon No.16 had washed away the whole lighthouse on August 30.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、2 September 07

 

The Ikuhibae lighthouse with about 8 meters in height and 3 meters in diameter which was located at rock pool 2 kilometer off the coast from the Hoshoshima bay in Hyuga City of Miyazaki Prefecture was removed by the typhoon 16 on August 30th which passed near the bay, and the foundation of the lighthouse was only remaining there.

 

添削

 

The Ikuhibae lLighthouse (with about 8 meters in height and 3 meters in diameter) which was located at on the rocks pool 2 kilometer off the coast in from the Hoshoshima Bay bay in Hyuga City, of Miyazaki Prefecture was destroyed removed by the tTyphoon 16 on August 30th which passed near the bay., and tThe foundation of the lighthouse was the only thing remaining there now.1

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、rock poolwas removed がよくわかりません。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ikuhibae Lighthouse (about 8 meters in height and 3 meters in diameter) which was located on the rocks 2 kilometer off the coast in Hoshoshima Bay in Hyuga City, Miyazaki Prefecture was destroyed by Typhoon 16 on August 30th which passed near the bay. The foundation of the lighthouse was the only thing remaining there now.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、21 August 07

 

Ikuibae Lighthouse (about eight meters in height and about three meters in diameter) was on a rocky stretch two kilometers from Hosojima Harbor in Hyuga City in Miyagi Prefecture. On August 30, the lighthouse disappeared with its base left by typhoon No. 16 having passed near the lighthouse.

 

添削

 

The Ikuibae Lighthouse (about eight meters in height and about three meters in diameter) was standing on the rocks a rocky stretch two kilometers off from Hosojima Harbor in Hyuga City in Miyagi Prefecture. On August 30, the lighthouse was washed away1, just leaving disappeared with its base, left by tTyphoon No. 16 that had passed having passed near the lighthouse.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかります。英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが、, the lighthouse disappeared with its base left by typhoon No. 16 having passed near the lighthouse. が内容が詰まりすぎてわかり難くなっています。the lighthouse was washed away by Typhoon No. 16.とすると因果関係がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ikuibae Lighthouse (about eight meters in height and about three meters in diameter) was standing on the rocks two kilometers off Hosojima Harbor in Hyuga City in Miyagi Prefecture. On August 30, the lighthouse was washed away, just leaving its base, by Typhoon No. 16 that had passed near the lighthouse.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(kappa 2004, 17 April 07

 

A Ikuibae light house (about 8 meter height, 3 meter diameter) built on a rocky area at 2 km off the Harbour of Hoshoshima in Hyuga City, Miyazaki Prefecture was banished leaving its foundation after Typhoon No. 16 passed on August 30. 

 

添削

 

A The Ikuibae lLight hHouse (about 8 meters in height, and 3 meters in diameter) built on a rocky area at 2 km off the Harbour of Hoshoshima in Hyuga City, Miyazaki Prefecture1 was banished washed away only leaving its foundation after Typhoon No. 16 passed the area on August 30. 

 

コメント

 

1.       イクイバエ灯台の場所の詳細な説明をわかりやすく英文で説明するのがこの練習問題ですが、kappa 2004さんの説明はわかりやすいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ikuibae Light House (about 8 meters in height and 3 meters in diameter) built on a rocky area at 2 km off the Harbour of Hoshoshima in Hyuga City, Miyazaki Prefecture was washed away only leaving its foundation after Typhoon No. 16 passed the area on August 30. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、20 June 05

 

Ikuibae lighthouse, built on a rock two-kelometer offshore from Hosojima Port in Hyuoga-city, Miyazaki Prefecture, has vanished by the effects of typoon No.16 that passed the area on August 30. The lighthouse was eight meters in hight and three meters in diameter but only its fundation part has been left.

 

添削

 

The Ikuibae lLighthouse1, built on a rock two-kelometer kilometers offshore from Hosojima Port in Hyuoga-cCity, Miyazaki Prefecture2, has been destroyed vanished3 by the effects of typoonTyphoon No.16 that passed the area on August 30. The lighthouse was eight meters in hight height and three meters in diameter but vanished almost completely just leaving4 only its fundation foundation part has been left.

 

コメント

 

1.       固有名詞に定冠詞が付くか付かないかは、一応は規則性がありますが、実際にはそれぞれの固有名詞がどれだけ一般的に英文で使われているかということによって冠詞が付いたり付かなかったり個別に経験的に決まってきます。「イクイばえ灯台」などの日本の固有名詞は英文にはまず出てこないでしょうから、一般的な規則をあてはめてthe Ikubae Lighthouseとするのがよいでしょう。「細島港」も同様で、the Port of Hosojimaが一般的な表現ですが、この固有名詞がある程度読者に知られていると仮定してHosojima Portでもよいでしょう。

 

2.       「宮崎県日向市の細島港の沖合2キロの岩場にあったイクイばえ灯台(高さ約8メートル、直径約3メートル)」の英文表現がよいですね。英文では日本文とは逆に近い所から遠い所へと説明しますね。「高さ約8メートル、直径約3メートル」は二つ目の文で表現しているのも適切です。

3.       「台風16号の影響で、土台を残して消えた。」と日本文にあるので、has vanished by the effects of Typhoon 16と表現されていますが、vanishedと自動詞を使うより、was destroyed by Typhoon 16と他動詞の受動態を使ったほうが、何が灯台を壊したか、動作の主体がはっきりします。日本文では「(自然に)〜になる」という表現が多いのですが、英文では「何が・誰が〜する」という動作の主体を明確にする表現が多くなります。この日本文と英文の意識の差を把握しておくと英文表現がやさしくなります。

 

4.       この文では主語が灯台なのでvanishedが有効に使えます。添削のようにすると文が少しダイナミックになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ikuibae Lighthouse, built on a rock two- kilometers offshore from Hosojima Port in Hyuga-City, Miyazaki Prefecture, has been destroyed by Typhoon No.16 that passed the area on August 30. The lighthouse was eight meters in height and three meters in diameter but vanished almost completely just leaving its foundation.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、18 May 05

 

The Ikuibae Lighthouse (about 8 meters tall, about 3 meters in diameter) situated at a rocky stretch in the waters 2 kilometers off the Port of Hososhima in Hyuga City, Miyazaki Prefecture suddenly disappeared, leaving only the base behind after Typhoon No. 16 passed nearby on August 30.

 

添削

 

On August 30, Tthe Ikuibae Lighthouse (about 8 meters tall, and about 3 meters in diameter) situated at on a rocky stretch in the waters 2 kilometers off the Port of Hososhima1 in Hyuga City, Miyazaki Prefecture, suddenly disappeared, leaving only the base behind after Typhoon No. 16 passed nearby on August 302.

 

コメント

 

1.       「細島港の沖合2キロの岩場にあったイクイばえ灯台」の説明がわかりやすいですね。

 

2.       新聞記事のようやくなので、何時、ということを最初に持ってきたほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On August 30, the Ikuibae Lighthouse (about 8 meters tall and about 3 meters in diameter) situated on a rocky stretch in the waters 2 kilometers off the Port of Hososhima in Hyuga City, Miyazaki Prefecture, suddenly disappeared, leaving only the base behind after Typhoon No. 16 passed nearby.

 

 

初級練習問題 183

 

青森県脇野沢村は国の天然記念物「北限のニホンザル」のうち、人に危害を加える恐れのある3匹を薬殺処分した。

 

読者からの投稿 10(Buru, 29 June 16

 

The village office of Wakinozawa ,Aomori, had killed three Japanese monkeys with chemical. The Japanese monkeys had designated as the natural species called “ Hokugen no Ninonzaru” but three of them might harm people.

 

添削

 

The village office of Wakinozawa, Aomori, had killed three Japanese monkeys with chemical. Theis kind of1 Japanese monkeys are had designated as the natural treasures species and called “ Japanese monkeys living in the most northern region of the world.Hokugen no Ninonzaru” bBut these three monkeys were killed because they of them might harm people2.

 

コメント

 

この英作文の読者は「英語を日常話し、日本語のわからない人」を想定しているでの、「北限のニホンザル」を英語で表現します。

 

1.       ここは一般的に北限のニホンザルのことを記述するとよいでしょう。

 

2.       もう一度この三匹が薬殺されたことを言ってから、その理由を述べるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The village office of Wakinozawa, Aomori, had killed three Japanese monkeys with chemical. This kind of Japanese monkeys are designated as the natural treasures and called “Japanese monkeys living in the most northern region of the world.” But these three monkeys were killed because they might harm people.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Valley winds, 16 May 13

 

Wakinosawa Village killed by medicine three Japanese monkeys which have lived at northest point, because Its were likely to attack people.

 

添削

 

Wakinosawa Village killed by medicine three Japanese monkeys which have lived at northest point, because these three monkeys might Its were likely to attack people. This kind of monkey lives in the northern most region in the world and is designated as a national treasure.

 

コメント

 

内容の大部分は推測できますが、日本文にある国の天然記念物が抜けています。

 

添削後の文章

 

Wakinosawa Village killed by medicine three Japanese monkeys because these three monkeys might attack people. This kind of monkey lives in the northern most region in the world and is designated as a national treasure.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(かい、23 May 11

 

The Village of Wakinozawa in Aomori Prefecture killed three Japanese monkeys ,“Japanese monkeys in northern limits”, national treasures, that may cause someone harm by using a poison.

 

添削

 

The Village of Wakinozawa in Aomori Prefecture poisoned1 to killed three Japanese monkeys ,that belonged to2 the Japanese monkeys living in the most northern area limits, and were designated as national treasures, because those three monkey that may might cause someone harm people by using a poison.

 

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、Japanese monkeys in northern limits”, national treasuresと三匹のサルとの関係がはっきりしません。

 

1.       poisoned three monkeysだけで「三匹のサルを薬殺した」となりますが、poisoned to kill three monkeysと明確にしておきました。

 

2.       三匹のサルだけが北限のサルではないので、このようにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Village of Wakinozawa in Aomori Prefecture poisoned to killed three Japanese monkeys that belonged to “the Japanese monkeys living in the most northern area ” and were designated as national treasures, because those three monkey might harm people.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 27 February 10

 

The village of Wakinosawa, Aomori Prefecture, culled three Japanese monkeys that threatened to harm people in the village. Aomori Prefecture is believed to be the northern-most habitat of simians and a group of Japanese monkeys in the village have been designated as a protected species.

 

添削

 

The vVillage of Wakinosawa, Aomori Prefecture, culled three Japanese monkeys that threatened to harm people in the village. Those monkeys are Aomori Prefecture is believed to be the species living in the northern-most habitats among of simians and a group of Japanese monkeys in the village have been designated as a protected as a national natural treasure1 species.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       北限のサルとして天然記念物になっているが、危害を加える恐れがあるので殺した、という主旨をはっきりさせるにはas a national natural treasureを入れるのがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Village of Wakinosawa, Aomori Prefecture, culled three Japanese monkeys that threatened to harm people in the village. Those monkeys are believed to be the species living in the northern-most habitats among simians and have been protected as a national natural treasure.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 16 Sept 08

 

The administration of Nozawa Village in Aomori Prefecture disposed of three protected Japanese monkeys living in the northern limit with poison. These monkeys had been designated as a national treasure, however, they were judged as a threat to do harm to people.

 

添削

 

The administration of Nozawa Village in Aomori Prefecture disposed of three protected1 Japanese monkeys living in the northern limit with by poison. These monkeys belonged to the species that has had been designated as a national treasure because they live in the most northern part of Japan. , however2, They were killed, however, because they were judged as a potentially threat to do harming the villagers to people.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、わからない部分があります。

 

1.       three protected Japanese monkeys living in the northern limitで何のためにprotectedなのかわかりません。添削のように天然記念物のことを別の文で説明するとよいでしょう。

 

2.       These monkeys had been designated as a national treasure, however, they were judged as a threat to do harm to people.とひとつの文にするとhoweverでは前半の後半がつながりません。

 

添削後の文章

 

The administration of Nozawa Village in Aomori Prefecture disposed of three Japanese monkeys by poison. These monkeys belonged to the species that has been designated as a national treasure because they live in the most northern part of Japan. They were killed, however, because they were judged potentially harming the villagers .

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、3 September 07

 

The northern limit Japanese macaque is designated as a protected species, but the Nozawamura in Aomori Prefecture killed three of them by poison because the three of them seemed to do harm to people.

 

添削

 

The northern limit Japanese macaques living in Aomori Prefecture is designated as a protected national monument because they live in the most northern part of Japan species,. bBut the Nozawamura Village in Aomori Prefecture killed three of them by poison because they the three of them seemed to do harm to people1.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の総てがわかります。「北限のニホンザル」の説明を加えるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japanese macaques living in Aomori Prefecture are designated as a national monument because they live in the most northern part of Japan . But Nozawa Village in Aomori Prefecture killed three of them by poison because they seemed to do harm to people.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、21 August 07

 

"Monkeys in the northern limit" as a natural monument in Japan live at Wakinozawa Village in Aomori Prefecture. Three of them was poisoned to  death because they had a fear to give damage to people.

 

添削

 

"Monkeys in the northern limit" as a natural monument in Japan liveing near at Wakinozawa Village in Aomori Prefecture are recognized as a natural monument because they live in the most northern part of Japan. Three of them were was poisoned to death because they might harm people in the village had a fear to give damage to people.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、"Monkeys in the northern limit" as a natural monument in Japan live at Wakinozawa Village in Aomori Prefecture.が説明不足です。添削のように先ずサルが天然記念物に認定されており、そしてその理由は北限に住むサルであること、と文を二つの部分に分けて表現するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Monkeys living near Wakinozawa Village in Aomori Prefecture are recognized as a natural monument because they live in the most northern part of Japan. Three of them were poisoned to death because they might harm people in the village .

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(kappa 2004, 18 April 07

 

There is “ the north limit Nippon monkey” which is national rare spices protected by law in the village of Wakinozawa., Aomori Prefecture but three of them were killed with drug by law as they may possibly attack human beings. 

 

添削

 

There is a group of1 “ the most northern limit Nippon monkeys,” which is designated as a national rare spices and protected by law, in the village of Wakinozawa., Aomori Prefecture. but However2, the village administration destroyed3 three of them by poison were killed with drug by law as because these three monkeys4 they may might possibly attack human beings. 

 

コメント

 

1.       「北限のニホンザル」という種類がある、としないで「北限のニホンザルのグループ」と具体的にします。

 

2.       buthoweverは同じ内容をもっていますが、butは前の文との続きが強いとき、howeverは一呼吸入れて、「しかしながら」という感じの時に使います。

 

3.       誰がサルを処分したがはっきりするとよいでしょう。このように動物を「処分」するときにはdestroyという言葉をつかいます。kill「殺す」でもよいですが。

 

4.       特別な三匹ということをはっきりさせるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

There is a group of “ the most northern Nippon monkeys,” which is designated as a national rare spices and protected by law, in the village of Wakinozawa, Aomori Prefecture. However, the village administration destroyed three of them by poison because these three monkeys might possibly attack human beings. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、24 June 05

 

Three Japanese Macaque (Macaca Fuscata) were killed by using poison in Wakinozawa village, Aomori Prefecture, since they had a threat to harm people. The Japanese macaque in this village has been designated a Japanese protected species as the most northerly living non-human primate.

 

添削

 

Three Japanese Macaque monkeys1 (Macaca Fuscata) were killed by villagers2 using poison in Wakinozawa village, Aomori Prefecture, since as they had a threat to harm people. The Japanese macaque monkeys in this village has have been designated as a Japanese protected species as because3 they live in the most northernly living part of Japan among Japanese monkeys non-human primate.

 

コメント

 

1.       学名も書いてあるのでここでは一般名詞monkeysのほうが読者にわかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       英文では「誰が、何が〜した」という関係をはっきりとさせる傾向があります。

 

3.       日本語では名詞を続けることにより「北限のニホンザル」のような簡潔な表現が可能なときがあります。このような日本語の英文表現では句で表現するより内容を節で添削例のように説明したほうがやさしくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Three Japanese monkeys (Macaca Fuscata) were killed by villagers using poison in Wakinozawa, Aomori Prefecture as they had a threat to harm people. The Japanese monkeys in this village have been designated as a protected species because they live in the most northern part of Japan among Japanese monkeys .

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、18 May 05

 

The Village of Wakinosawa in Aomori Prefecture has given a lethal injection to three of the "northern limit Japanese macaques" designated as protected species because the three had a risk of attacking human beings.

 

添削

 

The Village villagers1 of Wakinosawa in Aomori Prefecture has given gave a lethal injection to three of the a group of "the most northern limit Japanese macaques." Although2 the macaques were designated as a protected species, the three macaques were destroyed because the three they had a risk of attacking human beings the villagers.

 

コメント

 

1.       主語を人間にすると内容が具体的になります。

 

2.       「北限のニホンザルは天然記念物に指定されている。」という内容は新しい文にしたほうがわかりやすくなります。しかし、ここで文を切るとbecause以下とのつながりがなくなってしまうのでthe three macaques were destroyedという内容をまた入れました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The villagers of Wakinosawa in Aomori Prefecture gave a lethal injection to three of a group of "the most northern Japanese macaques." Although the macaques were designated as a protected species, the three macaques were destroyed because they had a risk of attacking the villagers.

 

 

初級練習問題 184

 

離婚や未婚女性の出産の増加で、母子家庭の数が2003年時点で過去最多の約122万5000世帯となったことが厚生労働省の調査で分かった。

 

読者からの投稿 10(Buru, 29 June 16

 

A research surveyed by Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry showed that the number of fatherless family reached about 1.225 million as of 2003. It became the largest number in history. One of the reason is that both divorce women and single women have been increasing their birthrate nowadays.

 

添削

 

A research surveyed  conducted by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry showed that the number of fatherless familyies reached about 1.225 million as of 2003. This was It became the largest number in history. One of the reasons for the increase was is that both divorced women and single women have been increasing their birthrate children recently nowadays.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A research conducted by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare showed that the number of fatherless families reached about 1.225 million as of 2003. This was the largest number in history. One of the reasons for the increase was that both divorced women and single women have been increasing their children recently .

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Valley winds, 19 May 13

 

The number of fatherless families became about 1.225 million and biggest number for the first time on 2003, because the number of divorces and unmarried women has increased.

 

添削

 

The number of fatherless families became reached about 1.225 million in 2003, the and largest number ever biggest number for the first time on 2003, because the number of divorces and babies of unmarried women had been has increased increasing.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてが推測できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of fatherless families reached about 1.225 million in 2003, the largest number ever  because the number of divorces and babies of unmarried women had been increasing.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(かい、25 May 11

 

According to the survey by Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare, the number of households that only consist of mother and child reached about 1,225,000 and maximum in the past as of 2003 because of the increase of women giving a birth that were divorce and not married .

 

添削

 

According to the a survey by the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare, the number of households that only consisted of a mother and child children reached about 1,225,000 in 2003, and the maximum in the past. as of 2003 because of This was due1 to an the increase in the number of women who giving a birth that were divorced and also2 women who were not married but gave birth to children.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、because of the increase of women giving a birth that were divorce and not marriedのところがはっきりしません。

 

1.       文が長いので、ここから新しくしたほうがわかりやすいです。

 

2.       離婚した女性と、未婚で出産した女性の二つ要因をはっきりさせます。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to a survey by the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare, the number of households that only consisted of a mother and children reached about 1,225,000 in 2003, the maximum in the past. This was due to an increase in the number of women who were divorced and also women who were not married but gave birth to children.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 28 February 10

 

A survey by the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare revealed that the number of fatherless families as of 2003 hit a record high of 1,225,000 reflecting increasing number of divorces and single mothers.

 

添削

 

A survey by the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare revealed that the number of fatherless families as of 2003 hit a record high of 1,225,000 reflecting the increasing number of divorces and single mothers.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey by the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare revealed that the number of fatherless families as of 2003 hit a record high of 1,225,000 reflecting the increasing number of divorces and single mothers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 17 Sept 08

 

A survey by the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare found that a number of fatherless families had reached a record number of 1.225 million in 2003 because of an increasing number of divorces and births by single mothers.

 

添削

 

A survey by the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare found that a the number of fatherless families had reached a record number of 1.225 million in 2003 because of an increasing number of divorces and births by single mothers.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey by the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare found that the number of fatherless families had reached a record number of 1.225 million in 2003 because of an increasing number of divorces and single mothers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、3 September 07

 

The increasing number of divorce and single mother increased the number of a broken home and reached to twenty five thousand at 2005. A survey by Health, Labour and Welfare Ministry showed that the number of a broken home became a record number.

 

添削

 

The increasing number of divorces and single mothers has increased the number of mother-and-child families to a record of a broken home and reached to 1,225,000 in 2003 twenty five thousand at 2005. This is revealed by Aa survey by Health, Labour and Welfare Ministry showed that the number of a broken home became a record number.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容に構文上の問題があり、なにがreached to twenty five thousand at 2005になったのかわかりません。添削のようにするとよいでしょう。日本文と比較すると数字が間違っています。数字、日付は重要な情報です。普段から正確な表現を心がけてください。

 

添削後の文章

 

The increasing number of divorces and single mothers has increased the number of mother-and-child families to a record of 1,225,000 in 2003. This is revealed by a survey by Health, Labour and Welfare Ministry.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、21 August 07

 

The survey by the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare showed the following. As divorced and unmarried women who gave birth to babies increased in number, the number of mother-child family amounted to about 1,225,000. As of 2003, this is a record high number.

 

添削

 

The A survey by the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare showed that the following. As divorced and unmarried women who gave birth to babies increased in number, the number of mother-child family reached a record of amounted to about 1,225,000 in 2003. This was because the number of divorces and single mothers increased2. As of 2003, this is a record high number1.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の総てがわかりますが、添削のように内容の順序を変えるともっと読みやすくなります。

 

2.       a single motherで結婚しないで出産した女性になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey by the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare showed that the number of mother-child family reached a record of 1,225,000 in 2003. This was because the number of divorces and single mothers increased.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(kappa 2004, 18 April 07

 

The survey by the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare found that the number of mother families amounts approximately 1, 225,000 in 2003 which is the largest record because it was caused by an increase in both divorce and giving birth by unmarried women.

 

添削

 

The survey by the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare found that the number of mother-child families amounts reached a record of about approximately 1, 225,000 in 20031. which is the largest record 2The number of mother-child families rose because of it was caused by an increase in the number of both divorces and giving birth by unmarried women giving birth.

 

コメント

 

1.       a record of (number)とすると、「過去で一番の数の」という表現になります。approximately は「近似的に」という表現なので「大体、約」にはaboutがよいでしょう。

 

2.       ここから新しい文にすると内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The survey by the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare found that the number of mother-child families reached a record of about 1, 225,000 in 2003. The number of mother-child families rose because of an increase in the number of both divorces and unmarried women giving birth.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、30 June 05

 

According to the survey conducted by Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry, the number of fatherless families marked the highest record in 2003 to 1.225 million households due to the increase of divorces and childbirths by unmarried mothers.

 

添削

 

According to the survey conducted by Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry, the number of fatherless families marked the highest record in 2003 to reaching1.225 million1. households2 This was3 due to the increase4 of in divorces and childbirths by unmarried mothers5.

 

コメント

 

1.       小数点の後に数字がたくさん並ぶと読みにくくなるので、概算を伝えるだけなら1.2 millionでよいでしょう。正確に伝えるには1,225,000とします。

 

2.       これは省略できます。なお、householdは一つ屋根の下に生活する人全部、なので身近な血縁関係の人たち(祖父母、親子など)の場合はfamilyがよいでしょう。

 

3.       一度ここで文を新しくしたほうが読みやすくなります。

 

4.       2003年だけに増加したのではなく、近年増加しているということを示すにはdue to the increasing number of divorces and single mothersとするとよいでしょう。

5.       childbirths by unmarried motherssingle mothersという便利な言い方があります。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to the survey conducted by Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry, the number of fatherless families marked the highest record in 2003 reaching1.2 million. This was due to the increase in divorces and childbirths by unmarried mothers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、21 May 05

 

A survey conducted by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare revealed that the number of fatherless households reached record 1.225 million as of 2003 as a result of the increased number of divorces and of unmarried women having babies.

 

添削

 

A survey conducted by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare revealed that the number of fatherless households reached a record of 1,225,000 11.225 million as of 2003 as a result of the increased increasing2 number of divorces and of unmarried women having babies3.

 

コメント

 

1.       数字の表記は読者に読みやすいようにしますが、ここでは小数点以下の数字が多いので、数字をそのまま添削のようにしたほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       厳密に言えば、この調査があったのは過去なので投稿のようにincreasedですが、一般的には現在でもこの現象が続いているのでincreasingとしたほうが印象がつよくなります。

 

3.       single mothersという言葉が定着しているので、この言葉を使っても良いでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey conducted by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare revealed that the number of fatherless households reached a record of 1,225,000 as of 2003 as a result of the increasing number of divorces and unmarried women having babies.

 

 

初級練習問題 185

 

JR札幌駅南口の商業施設「エスタ」に2004年10月開業したフードテーマパーク「札幌らーめん共和国」が予想を上回る人気を集め、2005年1月末に来場者が百万人に達する見通しだ。

 

らーめん共和国には、札幌、釧路、函館などの八店が出店。月平均十万人、年間百二十万人を目標としていた。しかし、平日で一日平均三千五百人、週末は五千人が訪れる盛況ぶりで、一月十八日現在の来場者数は九十一万七千人を超えた。年間目標は開業からおよそ五カ月後の二月下旬に達成しそうだ。

 

読者からの投稿 11(Buru, 30 June 16

 

"Ramen Republic in Sapporo"is becoming very popular now. This is the new food court gathered only Ramen stalls. “Ramen Republic” opened in October 2004 at "ESTA" which is a shopping mall near the south exit of JR Sapporo Station. The number of visitors has been exceeding an initial expectation. It will be reached 1 million before the end of January 2005.  There are eight different taste ramen stalls like a Sapporo Ramen, a Kushiro Ramen and a Hakodate Ramen. The target of average visitor was set up 100,000 a month at first. And also, the total annual visitors was estimated 1.2 million. But actually the business is so thriving that even the average of weekdays has been increasing 3,500 visitors. Especially in weekends, there are about 5,000 visitors. So, the total number of visitors was counted over 917,000 as of January 18. The annual target is likely to achieve by the end of February. It is just the fifth month after open the food court.

 

添削

 

"Ramen Republic in Sapporo" is becoming very popular now. This is the a new food court gathered with only Ramen stalls. “Ramen Republic” opened in October 2004 at "ESTA" which is a shopping mall near the south exit of JR Sapporo Station. The number of visitors has been exceeding an the initial expectation. It will be reached 1 million before the end of January 2005.  There are eight stalls of different tasteing ramen stalls like a Sapporo Ramen, a Kushiro Ramen and a Hakodate Ramen. The target number of average visitors was set up at 100,000 a month and at first. And also, the total annual visitors was estimated 1.2 million a year first. But actually the business has been is so thriving that even on a weekday the average number of of visitors weekdays has been increasinged to 3,500 visitors. Especially in On weekend day weekends, there are about 5,000 visitors. So, the total number of visitors reached was counted over 917,000 as of January 18. The annual target is likely to be achieved by the end of February. It is just the fifth month after since open the food court opened.

 

コメント

 

文法の怪しいところがところどころありますが、文章全体の内容はわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Ramen Republic in Sapporo" is becoming very popular now. This is a new food court with only Ramen stalls. “Ramen Republic” opened in October 2004 at "ESTA" which is a shopping mall near the south exit of JR Sapporo Station. The number of visitors has been exceeding the initial expectation. It will reach 1 million before the end of January 2005. There are eight stalls of different tasting ramen like Sapporo Ramen, Kushiro Ramen and Hakodate Ramen. The target number of  isitors was set up at 100,000 a month and 1.2 million a year first. But actually business has been so thriving that even on a weekday the average number of visitors has  increased to 3,500. On weekend day, there are about 5,000 visitors. So, the total number of visitors reached over 917,000 as of January 18. The annual target is likely to be achieved by the end of February. It is just the fifth month since the food court opened.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 27 May 13

 

A food thema park "Sapporo Chinese Noodle Republic "which opened in the commercial facility "Esta" in JR Sapporo station's south entrance on October 2004 was very popular more than expected. The number of attendants will raise one billion on the end of January 2005.

 

Eight shop have had their branches from Sapporo, Kushiro and Hakodate in Sapporo Chinese Noodle Republic. Their goal is average 100 thousand people a month and 1.2 million people a year. But they have average 3.5 thousand people a day and 5 thousand people a weekend. Total of attendants was over 917 thousand on January 18. Year's goal will clear on the latter part of February of approximately five month after the opening.

 

添削

 

A food thema theme park "Sapporo Ramen (noodle soup)1 Chinese Noodle Republic " which opened in the commercial facility "Esta" in by the south entrance of JR Sapporo station's south entrance on in October 2004 has been was very more popular more than expected. The number of visitors attendants is expected to will raise reach one million2 billion by on the end of January 2005.

 

Eight ramen stores shop have had their branches from Sapporo, Kushiro and Hakodate have their branch stores in the theme park Sapporo Chinese Noodle Republic. Their goal is was to have the average of 100 thousand customers people a month and 1.2 million customers people a year. But they have average 3.5 thousand customers people on week days a day and 5 thousand customers on Saturdays and Sundays3 people a weekend. The Ttotal number of customers since the opening of the theme park reached attendants was over 917 thousand on January 18. The original yearly Year's goal is expected to be reached will clear on in the latter part of February, about of approximately five month after the opening.

 

コメント

 

数字の一つが日本文と違いますが、他の部分の内容はわかります。

 

1.       ramenは大分国際的に認知された言葉になってきました。中華料理には麺の種類が多いですが、ラーメンは中華料理ではなく日本料理だとおもいます。北米ではスープの中に麺に入ったものをnoodle soupとよんでいます。インスタント・ラーメンはいろいろな国で製造されたものがたくさんスーパーにならんでいます。これもnoodle soupと呼ばれて、固形スープ、缶入りスープと同じ棚にならんでいます。

 

2.       数字は文章の中で非常に大切な情報です。数字の間違いには言い訳がきかないので気をつけてください。

 

3.       平日a week dayに対して週末は一日を指すのか土曜、日曜の二日を指すのかはっきりしないでで、ここではSaturdays and Sundaysとそれぞれが一日単位になることを明白にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A food theme park "Sapporo Ramen (noodle soup) Republic " which opened in the commercial facility "Esta" by the south entrance of JR Sapporo station in October 2004 has been more popular than expected. The number of visitors is expected to reach one million by the end of January 2005.

 

Eight ramen stores from Sapporo, Kushiro and Hakodate have their branch stores in the theme park. Their goal was to have the average of 100 thousand customers a month and 1.2 million customers a year. But they have 3.5 thousand customers on week days and 5 thousand customers on Saturdays and Sundays. The total number of customers since the opening of the theme park reached over 917 thousand on January 18. The original yearly goal is expected to be reached in the latter part of February, about five month after the opening.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(OKEN, 4 July 12

 

October 2004, the food theme park “Sapporo Ramen Republic” started business in the commercial facility “Esta” located in the south exit of JR Sapporo station. The theme park has attracted more people than expected and the number of visitors is estimated to reach a million by the end of January 2005. The theme park has eight ramen shops of various regions such as Sapporo, Kushiro, Hakodate. It targeted a monthly average of 100, 000 visitors which is equivalent to 120,000,000 visitors per year. But it is attracting so many people that an average 3,500 visitors a day on weekdays and 5,000 visitors on weekends are visiting it. As of January 18, the total number of visitors has exceeded 917,000. It seems that the number of visitors reaches 120,000,000, the yearly target, five months later in late February.

 

添削

 

In October 2004, a the food theme park, “Sapporo Ramen Republic,” started business in the commercial facility “Esta” located in the south exit of JR Sapporo sStation. So far1, Tthe theme park has attracted more people than expected and the total number of visitors is estimated to reach a million by the end of January 2005. The theme park has eight ramen noodle shops of from various regions in Hokkaido such as Sapporo, Kushiro, and Hakodate. The republic It originally targeted a monthly average of 100, 000 visitors which was is equivalent to 120,000,000 visitors per year. But now1 it is attracting so many people: that an average 3,500 visitors a day on weekdays and 5,000 visitors on weekends are visiting it. As of January 18, the total number of visitors has exceeded 917,000. It seems that the number of visitors will reaches 120,000,000, the yearly target, by late February, in just five months after its opening later in late February.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       このような句を入れると文のつながりがよくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

In October 2004, a food theme park, “Sapporo Ramen Republic,” started business in the commercial facility “Esta” located in the south exit of JR Sapporo Station. So far, the theme park has attracted more people than expected and the total number of visitors is estimated to reach a million by the end of January 2005. The theme park has eight ramen noodle shops from various regions in Hokkaido such as Sapporo, Kushiro, and Hakodate. The republic originally targeted a monthly average of 100, 000 visitors which was equivalent to 120,000,000 visitors per year. But now it is attracting so many people: an average 3,500 visitors a day on weekdays and 5,000 visitors on weekends. As of January 18, the total number of visitors has exceeded 917,000. It seems that the number of visitors will reache 120,000,000, the yearly target, by late February, in just five months after its opening.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(かい、31 May 11

 

Food theme park , The Sapporo Ramen Republic, opened at a commercial facilities named as “Esta” located in the south entrance of JR Sapporo Station in October 2004. The park attracted more people than expected , and the number of people who come to there will reach 1million in the January 2005. Eight shops located in Sapporo, Kushiro, and Hakodate etc opened in the park and will aim for obtaining 100,000 customers coming to there in a monthly average , in sum 1.2 million customers through the year  However, in fact , the number of customer was 3,500 in a day average on weekdays and five thousand on weekends, therefore exceeded 917,000 at January 18. So, the aim through the year will reach in late February about five month away.

 

添削

 

A Ffood theme park , The Sapporo Ramen Republic, opened at a commercial facilities facility named as “Esta” located in the south entrance of JR Sapporo Station in October 2004. The park has attracted more people than expected , and the number of people who come to there will reach 1 one million by in the end of January1, 2005. Eight ramen stores shops located in Sapporo, Kushiro, and Hakodate etc opened new ramen stores in the park and hoped  will aim for to get obtaining ten thousand 100,000 customers coming to there in a monthly average ,  By January 18, 2005, however, they have already gotten in sum 1.2 million customers.  through the year  However, in fact , tThe number of customer reached was 3,500 in a day average on weekdays and 5,000 five thousand a day on weekends, therefore the total number of customers has exceeded 917,000 as of at January 18. So, their annual target the aim through the year will be achieved by reach in late February, about just five months away from now.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。添削は日付と人数がはっきりするようにしました。

 

1.       「〜(と日時)までに」にはby ~をつかいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

A food theme park, The Sapporo Ramen Republic, opened at a commercial facility named as “Esta” located in the south entrance of JR Sapporo Station in October 2004. The park has attracted more people than expected, and the number of people who come there will reach  one million by the end of January, 2005. Eight ramen stores in Sapporo, Kushiro, and Hakodate  opened new ramen stores in the park and hoped to get ten thousand customers a month. By January 18, 2005, however, they have already gotten 1.2 million customers. The number of customer reached 3,500 a day on weekdays and 5,000 a day on weekends, therefore the total number of customers has exceeded 917,000 as of January 18. So, their annual target will be achieved by late February, just five months away from now.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 28 Feb 10

 

A food theme park "Sapporo Ramen Republic (SRR)" has been enjoying more popularity than originally expected and the number of visitors is now projected to reach one million by the end of January 2005. The theme park opened in “Esta”, a commercial premise at the south exit of JR Sapporo Station in October 2004.

 

There are eight ramen shop tenants in SRR including those from Sapporo, Kushiro Hakodate and elsewhere in Hokkaido. SRR originally set its target number of visitors at 100,000 per month on average or 1.2 million per year. Actually, however, it has seen 3,500 visitors a day on average coming on weekdays and 5,000 on weekends. As of January 18, 2005, the number of visitors exceeded 917,000 and is likely to hit one million, the original target for the first year of business, sometime towards the end of February, only about 5 months after the inception of business.

 

添削

 

A food theme park "Sapporo Ramen Republic (SRR)" has been enjoying more popularity than originally expected and the number of visitors is now projected to reach one million by the end of January 2005. The theme park opened in “Esta”, a commercial premise at the south exit of JR Sapporo Station in October 2004.

 

There are eight ramen shop tenants in SRR including those from Sapporo, Kushiro, Hakodate and elsewhere in Hokkaido. SRR originally set its target number of visitors at 100,000 per month on average or 1.2 million per year. Actually, however, it has seen 3,500 visitors a day on average coming on weekdays and 5,000 on weekends. As of January 18, 2005, the number of visitors exceeded 917,000 and is likely to hit one million, the original target for the first year of business, by sometime towards1 the end of February, only about five 5 months after the opening inception of business.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「二月末までに」のほうがはっきりしていて良いでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A food theme park "Sapporo Ramen Republic (SRR)" has been enjoying more popularity than originally expected and the number of visitors is now projected to reach one million by the end of January 2005. The theme park opened in “Esta”, a commercial premise at the south exit of JR Sapporo Station in October 2004.

 

There are eight ramen shop tenants in SRR including those from Sapporo, Kushiro, Hakodate and elsewhere in Hokkaido. SRR originally set its target number of visitors at 100,000 per month on average or 1.2 million per year. Actually, however, it has seen 3,500 visitors a day on average on weekdays and 5,000 on weekends. As of January 18, 2005, the number of visitors exceeded 917,000 and is likely to hit one million, the original target for the first year of business, by the end of February, only about five months after the opening of business.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 18 Sept 08

 

A food theme park, "Saporro Ramen Republic", opened in a commercial complex, "Esta" at the southern exit of JR Sapporo station in October 2004 and has become popular more than expected. The number of visitors to the Sapporo Ramen Republic will be projected to reach 1 million by the end of January in 2005.

 

There are eight shops from Sapporo, Kushiro, Hakodate, and other places in the Sapporo Ramen Republic. They estimated 100,000 visitors a month or 1.2 million a year. Unexpectedly, they have had 3,500 visitors a weekday and 5,000 on weekends on average, so that the number of visitors since the opening has excelled 917,000 as of January 18. The annual projection will be accomplished in late February, when it will have been about five months since the opening.

 

添削

 

A food theme park, "Saporro Ramen Republic", opened in a commercial complex, "Esta," at the southern exit of JR Sapporo sStation in October 2004 and by now has become much more popular more than expected. The number of visitors to the Sapporo Ramen Republic will be is projected to reach 1 million by the end of January in 2005.

 

In Sapporo Ramen Republic, Tthere are eight ramen shops from Sapporo, Kushiro, Hakodate, and other places in the Sapporo Ramen Republic. Sapporo Ramen Republic had projected They estimated 100,000 visitors a month or 1.2 million a year before it opened the theme park. Unexpectedly Actually, they the theme park has have had 3,500 visitors on a weekday and 5,000 on a weekends day1 on average ., so that tThe number of visitors since the opening has excelled exceeded 917,000 as of January 18. The annual projection of one million visitors will be accomplished reached by in late February in just , when it will have been about five months since after the opening.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       土曜と日曜がセットでa weekendですから、週末のそれぞれの一日を示すにはa weekend dayとするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A food theme park, "Saporro Ramen Republic", opened in a commercial complex, "Esta," at the southern exit of JR Sapporo Station in October 2004 and by now has become much more popular than expected. The number of visitors is projected to reach 1 million by the end of January in 2005.

 

In Sapporo Ramen Republic, there are eight ramen shops from Sapporo, Kushiro, Hakodate, and other places. Sapporo Ramen Republic had projected 100,000 visitors a month or 1.2 million a year before it opened the theme park. Actually, the theme park has had 3,500 visitors on a weekday and 5,000 on a weekend day on average. The number of visitors since the opening has exceeded 917,000 as of January 18. The annual projection of one million visitors will be reached by late February in just five months after the opening.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、7 September 07

 

A food theme park "Sapporo Ramen Republic" was established on October 2004 in the commercial facility "ESTA" of the southern gate of JR Sapporo Station. The number of visitors of the theme park seems to reach million till the end of January 2005 because the food theme park is more popular than expected.

 

The Ramen Republic has 8 shops in Japan, for example in Sapporo, in Kushiro, in Hakodate and so on. The setting of numeric targets of visitors was million and two hundred thousand a year, hundred thousand a month. Fortunately, a average number of visitors a day is three thousand and five hundred, and at every weekend five thousands customers visit the theme park. As a result, the number of visitors as of January 18th was over ninety-one hundred and seven thousand. Such a yearly numerical targets of visitors will seem to be completed after about five month, on end of February, since it opened.

 

添削

 

A food theme park "Sapporo Ramen Republic" opened was established on in October 2004 in the commercial facility "ESTA" of at the southern gate of JR Sapporo Station. The number of visitors of to the theme park seems to reach one million by till1 the end of January 2005 because the food theme park is has become more popular than expected.

 

The Ramen Republic has consists of 8 eight ramen shops from various places in Hokkaido Japan, for example, in Sapporo, in Kushiro, and in Hakodate and so on2. The Ramen Republic set a setting of numeric targets of visitors was  one million and two hundred thousand visitors a year, or one hundred thousand a month. Fortunately, a the average number of visitors a day is three thousand and five hundred on weekdays, and at every weekend five thousands on weekend days customers visit the theme park. As a result, the total number of visitors as of January 18th was has  reached over ninety-one hundred and seven thousand and the annual target. Such a yearly numerical targets of visitors3 will seems to be reached completed after about five month, on by the end of February, in about five months after since it opened.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、いろいろな数字の意味がわかりにくいです。(1)のreach one million till the end of January 2005tillは、日本文を見るとby the end of January 2005ですが、この英文を見ただけだとbyという推測ができません。(2)の文は英文としてはわかりますが、「ラーメンリパブリックは日本の釧路、札幌のような町に8件の店を持っている。」となり、文章の他の部分との関連がわかりせん。(3)such a numerical targetは「このような年間目標は」という一般的論(不定冠詞のa)ですから、前に出てきた年間目標とは違うのだろうと思い、ではこれは何だ、と意味がわからなくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A food theme park "Sapporo Ramen Republic" opened in October 2004 in the commercial facility "ESTA" at the southern gate of JR Sapporo Station. The number of visitors to the theme park seems to reach one million by the end of January 2005 because the food theme park has become more popular than expected.

 

The Ramen Republic consists of eight ramen shops from various places in Hokkaido, for example, Sapporo, Kushiro, and Hakodate. The Ramen Republic set a target of one million and two hundred thousand visitors a year, or one hundred thousand a month. Fortunately, the average number of visitors a day is three thousand and five hundred on weekdays and five thousand on weekend days. As a result, the total number of visitors as of January 18th has reached over ninety-one hundred and seven thousand and the annual target seems to be reached by the end of February, in about five months after it opened.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、22 August 07

 

A food theme park, "Sapporo ramen republic" opened in a commercial facility, "Esta" at the south exit of JR Sapporo Station. The theme park gained popularity more than expected and visitors will amount to a million people at the end of January in 2005. Eight stores from Sapporo, Kushiro, Hakodate and the like opened stores in Sapporo ramen republic. They aimed at an average of 5,000 people a month and 120,000 people a year as the number of visitors to Sapporo ramen republic. But average 3,500 people a day on weekdays and 5,000 people a day on weekends visited Sapporo ramen republic. Sapporo ramen republic had great success. As of January 18, the number of visitors exceeded 910,000. Sapporo ramen republic will achieve the yearly goal at the end of February after five months since it had opened stores1.

 

添削

 

A food theme park, "Sapporo rRamen rRepublic," opened in October 20042 in a commercial facility, "Esta," at the south exit of JR Sapporo Station. Sapporo Ramen Republic The theme park has gained more popularity more than originally expected and the total number of3 visitors customers will amount to a one million people by at the end of January in 2005. Eight ramen stores from Sapporo, Kushiro, Hakodate and the like opened a stores in Sapporo rRamen rRepublic. They aimed at an average of 100,000 5,000 people customers a month and 1,200,000 120,000 customers people a year as the number of visitors to Sapporo ramen republic. They were delighted to find that But average 3,500 people customers a day on weekdays and 5,000 customers people a day on weekends visited came to Sapporo rRamen rRepublic. Sapporo ramen republic had great success. As of January 18, the total number of visitors customers had exceeded 9170,000. They hope that Sapporo rRamen rRepublic will achieve the yearly goal of 1,200,000 customers by at the end of February 2005, in only five months after they five months since it had opened their stores1.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、大切な数字が矛盾しています。日本文と較べると数字の誤記が幾つかあるのがわかります。数字を正確に記述するのも英作文の練習に大切なことなので注意してください。

 

2.       この日付が無いと、次の文の来場者100万に意味がわからなくなります。

 

3.       累積数ということをはっきりさせるためにthe total number of customersにしました。来場者はラーメン店のお客だと思うので、customersにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

A food theme park, "Sapporo Ramen Republic," opened in October 2004 in a commercial facility, "Esta," at the south exit of JR Sapporo Station. Sapporo Ramen Republic has gained more popularity than originally expected and the total number of customers will amount to one million people by the end of January 2005. Eight ramen stores from Sapporo, Kushiro, Hakodate and the like opened a store in Sapporo Ramen Republic. They aimed at 100,000 customers a month and 1,200,000 customers a year. They were delighted to find that 3,500 customers a day on weekdays and 5,000 customers a day on weekends came to Sapporo Ramen Republic. As of January 18, the total number of customers had exceeded 917,000. They hope that Sapporo Ramen Republic will achieve the yearly goal of 1,200,000 customers by the end of February 2005, in only five months after they opened their stores.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(kappa 2004, 18 April 07

 

A food theme park “Sapporo Ramen Republic” opened in October 2004 at “Esta” in the south gate of Sapporo JR station. It is catching on now. The number of visitors is expected to reach a million in the end of January, 2005.

 

Eight shops coming from Sapporo, Kushiro and Hakodate would join in the Ramen Republic. Ten thousand in a month or 1.2 million in a year was original target.  It was so popular that 3,500 per day in average in weekdays and 5,000 in weekend visited. The number of visitors exceeded 917,000 as of January 18. The yearly goal may reach in late February, five months after the opening.

 

添削

 

A food theme park,the Sapporo Ramen Republic,” opened in October 2004 at a commercial complex called1 “Esta” in the south gate of Sapporo JR station. It The Republic is catching on now. The number of visitors is expected to reach a one million in by2 the end of January, 2005.

 

Eight ramen stores shops coming from Sapporo, Kushiro and Hakodate would joined in the Sapporo Ramen Republic. Ten thousand in a month or 1.2 million visitors in a year was were originally targeted. But Iit was became so popular that 3,500 people per day in on average in weekdays and 5,000 people on in weekends on average came visited. The total number of visitors exceeded 917,000 as of January 18. The yearly goal may reach in by late February, just in3 five months after the opening.

 

コメント

 

1.       「エスタ」の説明もいれるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       by the end of January 2005 (ずっと何かが続いていて)2005年1月末までに、にはbyを使います。

 

3.       「開業から五カ月後」は「開業から5ヶ月で」in five months after the openinginを使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

A food theme park, “the Sapporo Ramen Republic,” opened in October 2004 at a commercial complex called “Esta” in the south gate of Sapporo JR station. The Republic is catching on now. The number of visitors is expected to reach one million by the end of January, 2005.

 

Eight ramen stores from Sapporo, Kushiro and Hakodate joined the Sapporo Ramen Republic. Ten thousand in a month or 1.2 million visitors in a year were originally targeted. But it became so popular that 3,500 people per day on weekdays and 5,000 people on weekends on average came. The total number of visitors exceeded 917,000 as of January 18. The yearly goal may reach by late February, just in five months after the opening.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、5 July

 

A food theme park, "Sapporo Ramen Republic", has enjoyed popularity beyond expectations and the number of visitors will reach 1 million at the end of January, 2005. This theme park opened in a commercial facility "Esuta" nearby the JR Sapporo station's southern exit in October 2004, involving eight Ramen shops from Sapporo, Kushiro, Hakodate and so on.

 

At the beginning, they expected 100,000 visitors a month, 1.2 million people a year, but they actually had 3500 visitors a weekday, 5000 a weekend on average. As of January 18, more than 917,000 people have already visited this place and park's goal of obtaining 1.2 million visitors will be achieved at the end of February sufficiently five months after its opening.

 

添削

 

A food theme park, "Sapporo Ramen Republic", has enjoyed popularity beyond expectations and the number of visitors will reach 1 million at the end of January, 20051. This theme park opened in a commercial facility "Esuta" nearby the JR Sapporo sStation's southern exit in October 2004, involving including eight Ramen shops from Sapporo, Kushiro, Hakodate and so on others2.

 

At the beginning, they expected 100,000 visitors a month, or 31.2 million people a year, but they actually had 3,500 visitors on a the weekday4, and 5,000 a on weekend Saturday and Sunday5 on average. As of January 18, more than 917,000 people have already visited this place and the park's goal of obtaining 1.2 million visitors will be achieved at by the end of February, sufficiently only five months after its opening.

 

コメント

 

1.       日本文の内容を良い所で二つの英文に分けて表現していますね。全体にわかりやすい英文ですね。

 

2.       Sapporo, Kushiro, Hakodate and so onというと「いろいろな土地はあるけれど、まあ札幌とか釧路とか函館と言った所です」という感じになります。Sapporo, Kushiro, Hakodate and othersとすると「札幌、釧路、函館、その他(どこの土地か知っていますが長くなるのでその他としておきます)」と言った感じで文がきっちりと終わります。

 

3.       orは無くてもわかりますが、入れたほうが文意がはっきりします。

 

4.       3,500 visitors a weekdayとすると「平日は一日当たり平均3,500人」となり、あとのon averageは要らなくなります。3,500 visitors on the weekday on averageとすると「実際に来た入場者は(この間の)平日には平均3,500人」という感じで具体性が増加します。

 

5.       a weekendは土曜と日曜の二日です。数字は多分土曜と日曜のそれぞれの入場者数を指しているのでしょうから、on Saturday and Sundayとしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

A food theme park, "Sapporo Ramen Republic", has enjoyed popularity beyond expectations and the number of visitors will reach 1 million at the end of January, 2005. This theme park opened in a commercial facility "Esuta" nearby JR Sapporo Station's southern exit in October 2004, including eight Ramen shops from Sapporo, Kushiro, Hakodate and others.

 

At the beginning, they expected 100,000 visitors a month, or 1.2 million people a year, but they actually had 3,500 visitors on the weekday4 and 5,000 on Saturday and Sunday on average. As of January 18, more than 917,000 people have already visited this place and the park's goal of 1.2 million visitors will be achieved by the end of February, only five months after its opening.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、26 May 05

 

The "Sapporo Ramen Republic," a theme park for food, opened in the "Esta," the commercial facilities at the south gate of JR Sapporo Station in October 2004. It grew more popular than expected and the number of visitors is expected to reach one million as of the end of January, 2005.

 

Eight ramen owners from Sapporo, Kushiro and Hakodate opened their shops in the Ramen Republic. They aimed to attract an average of a hundred thousand visitors per month or one million and two hundred thousand per year. Luckily, however, it became so popular that an average of 3,500 people a day visited the park weekdays and 5,000 weekends. The number of visitors exceeded 917,000 as of January 18. The annual goal is expected to be achieved at the end of February, about five months after the opening of the park.

 

添削

 

The "Sapporo Ramen Republic1," a theme park for food, opened in the "Esta," the commercial facilities complex at the south gate of JR Sapporo Station in October 2004. It The Sapporo Ramen Republic2 grew has grown more popular than expected and the number of visitors is expected to reach one million as of by the end of January, 2005.

 

Eight ramen owners shops from Sapporo, Kushiro and Hakodate opened their new shops in the Sapporo Ramen Republic. They aimed to at attracting an average of a one hundred thousand visitors per month or one million and two hundred thousand per year. Luckily, however, it the Sapporo Ramen Republic became so popular that an average of 3,500 people a day visited the park on weekdays and 5,000 on weekends. The total number of visitors exceeded 917,000 as of January 18. and3 Tthe annual goal of 1,200,000 visitors4 is expected to be achieved at by the end of February, within just about five months after the opening of the park opened5.

 

コメント

 

マウント60さんは数字と時間関係が複雑な日本文の内容を順を追って丁寧に英文で表現しています。主語―動詞の関係が明確な英文の方が日本文より読みやすいようにおもいます。

 

1.       固有名詞としてキャピタライズしてあるので引用符は要らないでしょう。

 

2.       The Sapporo Ramen Republicは文中に数回出てきますが、読者になじみの無い固有名詞なので、その都度  the Sapporo Ramen Republicと書いたほうが代名詞を使うより読みやすくなります。代名詞を使うと読者は「さてこの代名詞は何を指すかなと考えます。」もとの固有名詞をそのまま使うとこの認識作業が減るので読みやすく感じます。

 

3.       ここはandでつないで前後の内容を関連させたほうがよいでしょう。

 

4.       既述の数字ですが、917,000と対比して、添削のように繰り返すとよいでしょう。

 

5.       短い文ですが、主語+動詞の形のほうが読みやすいです。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Sapporo Ramen Republic, a theme park for food, opened in the Esta commercial complex at the south gate of JR Sapporo Station in October 2004. The Sapporo Ramen Republic has grown more popular than expected and the number of visitors is expected to reach one million by the end of January, 2005.

 

Eight ramen shops from Sapporo, Kushiro and Hakodate opened new shops in the Sapporo Ramen Republic. They aimed at attracting an average of one hundred thousand visitors per month or one million and two hundred thousand per year. Luckily, however, the Sapporo Ramen Republic became so popular that an average of 3,500 people a day visited the park on weekdays and 5,000 on weekends. The total number of visitors exceeded 917,000 as of January 18 and the annual goal of 1,200,000 visitors is expected to be achieved by the end of February, within just about five months after the park opened.

 

 

初級練習問題 186

 

北海道のJR森駅で売られている名物「いかめし」が、東京の京王百貨店新宿店で開催中の「第四十回駅弁大会」で、売り上げ個数で三十五年連続一位の金字塔を打ち立てた。

 

一月十三日から五日間で二万三千個を販売。同百貨店は「最終日の二十五日までには六万個を超える」と予想している。 人気の秘密は四百七十円という安さに加え、イカにもち米を詰めて甘辛く煮た懐かしい味わい。駅弁王の地位は、揺るぎそうにない。

 

読者からの投稿 10(Buru, 1 July 16

 

“Ika Meshi”, selling at JR Mori Station in Hokkaido, is a unique station lunch which rice inside a squid body after removed its bowels. This station lunch recorded a grate milestone in “40th Station Lunch Box competition” which is holding at the Keio department store of Sinjyuku branch, Tokyo. It has been the best sales station lunch of this competition for 35 consecutive years. In this time, the Ika Meshi has already been sold there 23,000 pieces for five days from January 13. The Keio department store expects that “The sales finally will be over 60,000 pieces until the last day of the event, January 25”. The keys is not only reasonable cost which is 470 yen a box, but also the nostalgic taste which has the salty sweet rice with the squid. It seems to keep Station Lunch Champion continuously.

 

添削

 

The “Ika Meshi” lunch, selling at JR Mori Station in Hokkaido, is a unique station lunch which has cooked sweet rice stuffed into inside a cooked whole squid body after removed its bowels. This station lunch recorded a grate great milestone in the “40th Station Lunch Box cCompetition” which is being held holding at the Shinjuku branch of Keio dDepartment sStore of Sinjyuku branch, in Tokyo. It has been the best sales selling station lunch at of this annual competition for the last 35 consecutive years. In tThis time, over 60,000 the Ika Meshi lunch have has been already been sold at the competition there 23,000 pieces in for five days from January 13 to January 17. The Keio dDepartment sStore expects that “Tthe total sales finally will be over 60,000 pieces by until the last day of the competition on event, January 25. The keys to this success is not only the reasonable cost of lunch, which is 470 yen a box, but also the nostalgic taste of the lunch with which has the salty sweet rice and with the squid. It seems that the Ika Mshi lunch will to keep its status as the Station Lunch Champion in the future continuously.

 

コメント

 

全体の内容を推測できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The “Ika Meshi” lunch, selling at JR Mori Station in Hokkaido, is a unique station lunch which has cooked sweet rice stuffed into a cooked whole squid body. This station lunch recorded a great milestone in the “40th Station Lunch Box Competition” which is being held at the Shinjuku branch of Keio Department Store in Tokyo. It has been the best selling station lunch at this annual competition for the last 35 consecutive years. This time, over 60,000 Ika Meshi lunch have been already sold at the competition in five days from January 13 to January 17. The Keio Department Store expects that the total sale will be over 60,000 pieces by the last day of the competition on January 25. The key to this success is not only the reasonable cost of lunch, which is 470 yen a box, but also the nostalgic taste of the lunch with the salty sweet rice and  squid. It seems that the Ika Mshi lunch will keep its status as the Station Lunch Champion in the future .

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Valley winds, 28 May 13

 

Cuttlefish Rice specialty "Ika Meshi", are sold at JR Mori station in Hokkaido, win thirty consecutive prize for number of sales in 40th box lunches convention at Keio Department Store Shinjyuku branch in Tokyo. They sold 23 thousand 5 days since January 13. This department store says, "It will over 60 thousand by January 25." The secret of population is cheap as 470 yen and it has familier taste that cuttlefish insert within race and it's boiled sweety. The king of lunch box is steadfast for some time.

 

添削

 

Cooked Ccuttlefish with Rrice stuffed inside called specialty "Ika Meshi", are sold at JR Mori station in Hokkaido, win won the first place in sales for the thirtieth thirty consecutive year prize for number of sales in the 40th box lunches convention fair at the Shinuku branch of Keio Department Store Shinjyuku branch in Tokyo. They The department store sold 23 thousand ika-meshi lunch boxes over the five 5 days since January 13. They This department store says, "It will over 60 thousand by January 25." The secret of its popularity population is the cheap price as (470 yen) and its has familiar familier taste of that cuttlefish and rice cooked with sugar and soy source insert within race and it's boiled sweety. Ika-meshi is steadfast in keeping its posiion as Tthe king of lunch box  steadfast for some time to come.

 

コメント

 

大切な箇所でミススペルがあり、内容の推測はできますが、意味がはっきりしません。

 

添削後の文章

 

Cooked cuttlefish with rice stuffed inside called "Ika Meshi" sold at JR Mori station in Hokkaido won the first place in sales for the thirtieth consecutive year in the 40th box lunch fair at the Shinuku branch of Keio Department Store in Tokyo. The department store sold 23 thousand ika-meshi lunch boxes over the five days since January 13. They say, "It will over 60 thousand by January 25." The secret of its popularity is the cheap price (470 yen) and its familiar taste of  cuttlefish and rice cooked with sugar and soy source. Ika-meshi is steadfast in keeping its position as the king of lunch box for some time to come.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(OKEN, 16 March 13

 

"Ikameshi”, a popular ekiben (train lunch) which is sold at JR Mori station in Hokkaido, has reached the milestone by having kept No.1 position on sales for thirty fifth year in “The 40th Event of Ekiben” being held in Shinjuku branch of Keio department store in Tokyo. They sold 23,000 units for five days from January 13. The department store expects that they will sell over 60,000 units by the last day, January 25. The secret of its popularity lies in its nostalgic taste of squid stuffed with rice boiled in a bitter sweet soy sauce, in addition to its low price, 470 yen. Nothing will shake its position as the king of ekiben for some time.

 

添削

 

"Ikameshi”, a popular ekiben (train lunch) which is sold at JR Mori station in Hokkaido, has reached the milestone by having kept No.1 position on sales for the thirty fifth year at in “The 40th Event of Ekiben Festival” being held at the in Shinjuku branch of Keio dDepartment sStore in Tokyo. They sold 23,000 units over the for five days from January 13 to January 17. The department store expects that they will sell over 60,000 units by the last day, of January 25. The secret of its popularity lies in its nostalgic taste of squids stuffed with rice and boiled in a bitter sweet soy sauce, in addition to its low price, of 470 yen. No other ekiben seems to Nothing will shake its position as the king of ekiben for some time.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。私も森駅のいかめしを食べてみたいと思っていますが(家でいかめしをつくったことはあります)まだその機会がありません。

 

1.       andをいれるとイカに餅米をつめてからゆでる、ということがはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Ikameshi”, a popular ekiben (train lunch) which is sold at JR Mori station in Hokkaido, has reached the milestone by having kept No.1 position on sales for the thirty fifth year at “The 40th  Ekiben Festival” being held at the Shinjuku branch of Keio Department Store in Tokyo. They sold 23,000 units over the five days from January 13 to January 17. The department store expects that they will sell over 60,000 units by the last day of January 25. The secret of its popularity lies in its nostalgic taste of squids stuffed with rice and boiled in a bitter sweet soy sauce, in addition to its low price of 470 yen. No other ekiben seems to l shake its position as the king of ekiben for some time.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(かい、3 June 11

 

The “Ika Meshi”, local specialty train lunch, sold in JR Mori station won an achievement of history on the 40th Ekiben Festival taking place at Shinjuku branch of Keio Department Store in Tokyo that the number of the lunch sold has been the top for the 25th consecutive year. The lunch was sold 23,000 from January 13 to 17. The store expects that it will be sold 60,000 by January 25 of the last day. The secret of the popularity in that is the old-fashioned taste of squid stuffed with sticky rice that is stewed with salt and sugar, in addition to low price of 470 yen. It is said that the rank of King of train lunch will not change.

 

添削

 

The “Ika Meshi1”, a local specialty train lunch box, sold at in JR Mori sStation has achieved a record of selling the largest number of lunch boxes for the last thirty-five consecutive years won an achievement of history on at the 40-th Ekiben Festival (Train Lunch Box Festival) that is taking place now at the Shinjuku branch of Keio Department Store in Tokyo that the number of the lunch sold has been the top for the 25th consecutive year2. The number of the lunch box sold was sold 23,000 during the period from January 13 to 17. The Ika Meshi store expects that they can sell it will be sold 60,000 by January 25, of the last day of the festival. The secret of the its popularity lies in the fact3 that it is has the old-fashioned taste of squid stuffed with sticky rice that is stewed with salt and sugar, in addition to its low price of 470 yen. It is said that the Ika Meshi as rank of the King of train lunch boxes will not be challenged for a while4 change.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、The lunch was sold 23,000 from January 13 to 17. The store expects that it will be sold 60,000 by January 25 of the last day. のところが分かり難いです。

 

1.       イカメシは全国にたくさんありますが、これは「森駅のイカメシ駅弁」なのでthe Ika Meshiがよいでしょう。

 

2.       The “Ika Meshi” has achieved a record of selling the largest number of lunch boxes for the last thirty-five consecutive years.と主題を文の最初にはっきりさせると、読みやすくなります。

 

3.       The secret lies in the fact ~という言い回しがあります。

 

4.       His position will not be challenged for a while.という言い回しがあります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The “Ika Meshi”, a local specialty train lunch box, sold at JR Mori Station has achieved a record of selling the largest number of lunch boxes for the last thirty-five consecutive years at the 40-th Ekiben Festival (Train Lunch Box Festival) that is taking place now at the Shinjuku branch of Keio Department Store in Tokyo. The number of the lunch box sold was 23,000 during the period from January 13 to 17. The Ika Meshi store expects that they can sell 60,000 by January 25, the last day of the festival. The secret of its popularity lies in the fact that it has the old-fashioned taste of squid stuffed with sticky rice that is stewed with salt and sugar, in addition to its low price of 470 yen. It is said that the Ika Meshi as the King of train lunch boxes will not be challenged for a while.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 5 March 10

 

Ikameshi, a famous Ekiben (a boxed train lunch) sold at JR Mori Station in Hokkaido reached a milestone by keeping first place in terms of boxes sold in an Ekiben contests for 35 consecutive years. In the 5 days beginning January 13, 23,000 boxes of Ikameshi have been sold in the 40th Ekiben Contest being held at Keio department Shinjuku store in Tokyo. The department store now predicts that the sales will have exceeded 60,000 boxes by January 25, the final day of the contest. The secret of its astonishing popularity is a good old flavor coming from sweetly simmered squid packed with sticky rice along with its price as cheap as 470 yen. The Ikameshi’s championship is very unlikely to be challenged for the time being.

 

添削

 

Ikameshi, a famous Ekiben (a boxed train lunch) sold at JR Mori Station in Hokkaido reached a milestone by keeping the first place in sales in terms of boxes sold in an Ekiben contests for 35 consecutive years at the Ekiben Festival held at Keio Department Store in Shinjuku, Tokyo1. In the 5 five days since beginning January 13, a total of 23,000 boxes of Ikameshi have been sold in the 40th Ekiben Festival Contest being held at Keio department Shinjuku store in Tokyo. The department store now predicts that the sales will have exceeded 60,000 boxes by January 25, the final day of the festival contest. The secret of its astonishing popularity is a good old flavor coming from sweetly simmered squid packed with sticky rice along with its price as cheap as 470 yen a pack2. The Ikameshi’s championship is very unlikely to be challenged for the time being.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       駅弁大会はここに入れたほうが、どのような状況での記録なのか、すぐにわかるでしょう。

 

2.       イカ飯はいろいろありますが、森駅の「いかめし」はわたしがこの駅弁大会にでかけて見たところ(長い行列なので買うのを諦めました)長さ10センチほどのイカで、一箱に確か三つ詰めていたようにおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Ikameshi, a famous Ekiben (a boxed train lunch) sold at JR Mori Station in Hokkaido reached a milestone by keeping the first place in sales for 35 consecutive years at the Ekiben Festival held at Keio Department Store in Shinjuku, Tokyo. In the five days since January 13, a total of 23,000 boxes of Ikameshi have been sold in the 40th Ekiben Festival . The department store now predicts that the sales will have exceeded 60,000 boxes by January 25, the final day of the festival. The secret of its astonishing popularity is a good old flavor coming from sweetly simmered squid packed with sticky rice along with its price as cheap as 470 yen a pack.  Ikameshi’s championship is very unlikely to be challenged for the time being.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(kk, 19 Sept 08

 

The "Ikameshi", a cooked rice in a squid, which is a local Ekiben (train box lunch) sold at JR Mori Station in Hokkaido had sold well and the number of sales recorded as the first place for 35 years in a row at the "40th Ekiben Festival" now being held at Keio Department Store in Shinjuku.

 

The "Ikameshi" had sold 23,000 boxes for five days since January 13. The Keio Department Store expects that it will have sold 60,000 boxes and more by January 25, the last day of the festival. The secret of this popularity is supposed to be the reasonable price of 470 yen as well as the nostalgic taste of cooked glutinous rice filled in a squid with salty-sweet soy sauce. The first prize status of the "Ikameshi" seems to be stable for a while.

 

添削

 

The "Ikameshi", a cooked rice in a squid, which is a local Ekiben (train station box lunch) sold at JR Mori Station in Hokkaido had has been selling sold well and the number of sales recorded as the first place for 35 years in a row at the "40th Ekiben Festival" now being held at Keio Department Store in Shinjuku1. and has maintained the first place in the number of ekiben sold at the festival for thirty-five years in a row.

 

The "Ikameshi" had sold 23,000 boxes for in five days since January 13. The Keio Department Store expects that it will have sold over 60,000 boxes and more will be sold by January 25, the last day of the festival. The secret key of to this popularity is supposed to be the its reasonable price of 470 yen as well as the nostalgic taste of cooked glutinous rice frilled in a squid filled with sweet rice and cooked in a salty-sweet soy sauce2. The first prize place status of the "Ikameshi" at the ekiben festival seems to be stable solid for a while.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       駅弁フェスティバルでの売れ行き、ということがはっきりするようにします。

 

2.       「イカにもち米を詰めて甘辛く煮た懐かしい味わい」の英語表現が難しいですね。the nostalgic taste of cooked glutinous rice filled in a squid with a salty-sweet soy sauceとすると「甘辛いソースと一緒にイカに詰められたもち米の懐かしい味わい」になります。もち米をイカに詰めてから甘辛いソースで煮た(いかめし全体の)懐かしい味わい、には添削のような表現がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The "Ikameshi", a cooked rice in a squid, which is a local Ekiben (train station box lunch) sold at JR Mori Station in Hokkaido has been selling well at the "40th Ekiben Festival" now being held at Keio Department Store in Shinjuku and has maintained the first place in the number of ekiben sold at the festival for thirty-five years in a row.

 

The "Ikameshi" sold 23,000 boxes in five days since January 13. Keio Department Store expects that over 60,000 boxes will be sold by January 25, the last day of the festival. The key to this popularity is its reasonable price of 470 yen as well as the nostalgic taste of a squid filled with sweet rice and cooked in a salty-sweet soy sauce. The first place status of the "Ikameshi" at the ekiben festival seems to be solid for a while.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、8 September 07

 

The "Ikameshi" which is one of specialties sold at JR Mori Station in Hokkaido attained the first place for "the 40th Ekiben Festival" in thirty five consecutive tournaments. This festival is held now at Keio department store with Shinjuku branch in Tokyo.

 

Twenty three thousand "Ikameshi" was sold from on January 13th to on January 18th. The department office anticipated the number of the sale would be over sixty thousand. The popularity of "Ikameshi" seems to be in the rather moderate price, 470yen, and in such an accustomed taste for Japanese that sweet rice is included into the body of calamari and, after the procedure, the calamari is seasoned with salty-sweet flavor. The flagship position of "Ikameshi" might be stable for a while.

 

添削

 

The "Ikameshi," a cooked squid with rice, which is one of specialties sold at JR Mori Station in Hokkaido attained the first place for in "the 40th Ekiben Festival" in for thirty five consecutive tournamentst times. This festival is now being held now at the Shinjuku branch of Keio dDepartment sStore  with Shinjuku branch in Tokyo.

 

Twenty three thousand "Ikameshi" was have been sold between from on January 13th and to on January 18th. The dDepartment office anticipateds the number of the sale would will be over sixty thousand by the time when the festival is over1. The popularity of "Ikameshi" seems to be in the its rather moderate price, 470yen, and in its such an accustomed taste for Japanese that is familiar to Japanese people. sSweet rice is included inserted into the body of a squid and cooked in soy-sauce. It has calamari and, after the procedure, the calamari is seasoned with a salty-sweet flavor2. The flagship position of "Ikameshi" at the festival will might be stable for a while.

 

 

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが、「いかめし」の簡単な説明が文章の始めにないと、一体何の話をしているのか、文章の最後まで読まないとわかりません。英語人(英語を日常使う人)を読者に想定するという、この英作文の仮定を忘れないでください。at Keio department store with Shinjuku branchは「新宿にも支店をもつ京王デパート」の意味になります。The department office anticipated the number of the sale would be over sixty thousand.anticipatedと過去形なので、この駅弁大会が始まる前に予想した、となります。calamariはギリシャ料理で小型のイカを輪切りにして揚げた料理です。前菜に出てきます。「いかめし」の新形態と思って読みましたが、日本文の「いかめし」とは違います。

 

1.       いつまでに、を入れるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       「イカにもち米を詰めて甘辛く煮た懐かしい味わい。」は英文表現が難しいですね。添削のように分けて表現したらどうでしょうか。

 

添削後の文章

 

The "Ikameshi," a cooked squid with rice, which is one of specialties sold at JR Mori Station in Hokkaido attained the first place in "the 40th Ekiben Festival" for thirty five consecutive t times. This festival is now being held at the Shinjuku branch of Keio Department Store in Tokyo.

Twenty three thousand "Ikameshi" have been sold between January 13th and 18th. The Department anticipates the number of the sale will be over sixty thousand by the time when the festival is over. The popularity of "Ikameshi" seems to be in its rather moderate price, 470yen, and in its taste that is familiar to Japanese people. Sweet rice is inserted into the body of a squid and cooked in soy-sauce. It has a salty-sweet flavor. The flagship position of "Ikameshi" at the festival will be stable for a while.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(kappa 2004, 19 April 07

 

“Ikameshi (squid with rice)” ,a specialty being sold at Mori JR station, Hokkaido made a splendid memorial record of thirty five consecutive years champion of the quantity sold in “the fortieth Ekiben (station lunch box) competition” which has been held at Shinjuku shop of Keio Department Store, Tokyo.

 

Twenty three thousand sets was sold for five days starting from January 5. The department store expect that the number exceeding 60,000 sets will be sold by 25th which is the last day. The secret of popularity is said to be the reasonable price of 470 Yen and its old home taste of sweet and salty boiled squid contained mochi-rice. The position of the Ekiben champion will not be moved.

 

添削

 

“Ikameshi (a cooked1 squid with rice)” ,a specialty box lunch2 being sold at Mori JR station, Hokkaido, has3 made a splendid memorial record4 of the best seller5 for the last thirty- five consecutive years champion of the quantity sold in at “the fFortieth Ekiben (station box lunch box) competition Festival6,” which has been held at the Shinjuku shop of Keio Department Store, Tokyo.

 

Twenty- three thousand sets Ikameshi was were7 sold for in five days starting from January 5. The department store expects that the number exceeding over 60,000 sets will be sold by the 25th which is the last day of the festival. The secret of the popularity of Ikamesi is said to be the its reasonable price of 470 Yyen and its old home cooking tastes of sweet and salty boiled squids and sweet rice contained mochi-rice. Ikameshi’s The position of the Ekiben champion will not be moved threatened for a long time.

 

コメント

 

1.       文章に初めて出てくるので一応a cooked squid with riceとしておくとよいでしょう。まあ、生のイカにご飯を詰めたものとは誰も思わないでしょうが。

 

2.       a box(ed) lunchが容器に入った弁当で、a lunch boxは弁当箱です。

 

3.       「打ち立てた」とあるので現在完了形で強調するとよいでしょう。

 

4.       「金字塔を打ち立てた」has made a splendid memorial recordはなかなかよい表現ですね。将来も記録は伸びそうなので、memorialは要らないでしょう。

 

5.       the best sellerを入れると表現が簡単になります。

 

6.       「駅弁大会」は全国の有名駅弁をたくさん集めた大会で、競争を目的にしたものではないようなのでa festivalがよいでしょう。

 

7.       わたしは、多分3年前だとおもいますが、この駅弁大会に行ったことがあります。午後の3時ごろでしたが、会場でかねがね噂に聞いていた「森駅のいかめし」を見つけました。長い、長い行列が出来ていて、行列の嫌いなわたしは、並ぶのを諦め、売り場の横に立って「いかめし」を観察しました。長さ15センチぐらいの小型のイカはもち米で丸々と膨らみ、醤油色でおいしそうです。ここでは駅弁の箱には入れず、ばら売りでした。「二万三千個」は売れたイカの数でしょう。あとで友達に聞くと、この駅弁大会は朝に会場が開くのを待っていて入るのが一番だそうです。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Ikameshi (a cooked squid with rice)” , a special box lunch sold at Mori JR station, Hokkaido, has made a splendid record of the best seller for the last thirty-five consecutive years at “the Fortieth Ekiben (station box lunch ) Festival,” which has been held at the Shinjuku shop of Keio Department Store, Tokyo.

 

Twenty-three thousand Ikameshi were sold in five days starting from January 5. The department store expects that over 60,000 will be sold by the 25th which is the last day of the festival. The secret of the popularity of Ikamesi is said to be its reasonable price of 470 yen and old home cooking tastes of sweet and salty squids and sweet rice. Ikameshi’s position of the Ekiben champion will not be threatened for a long time.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、13 July 05

 

 

A famous box lunch "Ikameshi" sold at JR Mori Station in Hokkaido has ranked the first place at "The 40th Ekiben Festival" held at Keio Department Store in Shinjuku, Tokyo. "Ikameshi" has maintained the top prize for the last 35 years. It has been sold 23,000 boxes for the first five days started on January 13. Keio Department Store forecasts more than 60,000 boxes will be sold by January 25, the last day of the festival. A secret of the popularity is its nostalgic salty-sweet taste of simmered rice in squid as well as the cheep price of 470 yen. The position of king of Ekiben will not be defeated for some time.

 

添削

 

A famous box lunch "Ikameshi" sold at JR Mori Station in Hokkaido has ranked the first place at "The 40th Ekiben Festival" held at Keio Department Store in Shinjuku, Tokyo. "Ikameshi" has maintained the top prize best seller position1 for the last 35 years. It “Ikameshi”2 has been 3sold 23,000 boxes for the first five days started starting on January 13. Keio Department Store forecasts more than 60,000 boxes will be sold by January 25, the last day of the festival. A The secret of the popularity is its nostalgic salty-sweet taste of simmered rice in a cooked squid as well as the cheep price of 470 yen. The position of “Ikameshi” 4as the king of Ekiben will not be difficult5 to defeated for some time to come6.

 

コメント

 

1.       内容が凝縮している日本文ですが、さくらさんは良く整理してわかりやすく英文で表現していますね。the top prizeというと「どういう賞なのか?」という疑問も出るので、the best seller positionとするとよいでしょう(コメントが細かいですが、添削は読者の役に立つように、私に出来る最上のものを目指しているのでご了承ください)。

 

2.       Ikameshiと繰り返したほうが読者にわかりやすいでしょう。短い文章の中でもなるべく代名詞を使わないのがプレイン・イングリッシュのコツのひとつです。一般には、同じ名詞の繰り返しは煩雑な印象を与える、と言いますが、はたしてどうでしょうか。上の例でもIkameshi4回出てきますが、煩雑というよりわかりやすいという要素が勝っているとおもいます。

 

3.       Ikameshi has been sold in 23,000 boxes. Ikameshi has sold 23,000 boxes.ですが、後者の方がわかりやすいです。

 

4.       ここでもういちでIkameshiを繰り返すと読者に印象が深くなります。

 

5.       否定文より肯定文のほうが印象が強くなると思います。

 

6.       for some timeとすると、文を読むときにsometimeとの連想が出てきてしまうので、for some time to comeとすると口調も良くなってよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A famous box lunch "Ikameshi" sold at JR Mori Station in Hokkaido has ranked the first place at "The 40th Ekiben Festival" held at Keio Department Store in Shinjuku, Tokyo. "Ikameshi" has maintained the best seller position for the last 35 years. “Ikameshi” has sold 23,000 boxes for the first five days starting on January 13. Keio Department Store forecasts more than 60,000 boxes will be sold by January 25, the last day of the festival. The secret of the popularity is its nostalgic salty-sweet taste of simmered rice in a cooked squid as well as the cheep price of 470 yen. “Ikameshi” as the king of Ekiben will be difficult to defeat for some time to come.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、20 June 05

 

The Squid Rice, a local specialty sold at JR Mori Station in Hokkaido, has set a monumental record of having attained first place for 35 years in a row in the number of units sold at "The 40th Festival of Box Lunches Sold at Railway Stations" being held at the Shinjuku Branch of the Keio Department Store in Tokyo.

 

A total of 23,000 units sold for five days starting January 13th. The staff of the department store estimates that more than 60,000 units will sell by the 25th, last day of the festival. The secret of popularity is the salty-sweet taste of a cooked squid stuffed with sticky rice which is reminiscent of old days as well as the reasonable price of 470 yen. It seems that the squid rice will continue to enjoy the status of being the king of box lunches sold at railway stations for some time to come.

 

添削

 

The Squid Rice, a local specialty sold at JR Mori Station in Hokkaido, has set a monumental record of having attained maintained1 the first place for 35 years in a row in the number of units sold at "The 40th Festival of Box Lunches Sold at Railway Stations" currently2 being held at the Shinjuku Branch of the Keio Department Store in Tokyo.

 

A total of 23,000 units have been3 sold for during the first five days of the festival starting January 13th. The staff of the department store estimates that more than 60,000 units will sell be sold by the 25th, the last day of the festival. The secret of popularity is the salty-sweet taste of a cooked squid stuffed with sticky rice which is reminiscent of old days as well as the reasonable price of 470 yen. It seems that the squid rice will continue to enjoy the status of being the king of box lunches sold at railway stations for some time to come4.

 

コメント

 

1.       「三十五年連続」ということなのでhaving maintainedがよいでしょう。

 

2.       currentlyはおまけの単語ですが、ここにいれると文のリズムがよくなります。

 

3.       Collins COBUILDによると投稿のようなsellの使い方について次のように言っています。

 

If something sells, it is bought by the public, usually in fairly large quantities. Example: The company believes the product will sell well in the run-up to Christmas.

 

この使い方ではThe Squid Rice sold so well that just during the first five days of the festival a total of 23,000 units were grabbed up by eager station lunchbox lovers.というようになります。ここではA total of 23,000 unitsが主語なのでhave been soldとなります。

4.       「いかめし」の魅力が伝わってくる表現ですね。わたしはイカにご飯を詰めたものは食べたことがありますが、この駅弁はまだ未経験です。日本は地方色豊かな料理がたくさんあっていいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Squid Rice, a local specialty sold at JR Mori Station in Hokkaido, has set a monumental record of having maintained the first place for 35 years in a row in the number of units sold at "The 40th Festival of Box Lunches Sold at Railway Stations" currently being held at the Shinjuku Branch of Keio Department Store in Tokyo.

 

A total of 23,000 units have been sold during the first five days of the festival starting January 13th. The staff of the department store estimate that more than 60,000 units will be sold by the 25th, the last day of the festival. The secret of popularity is the salty-sweet taste of a cooked squid stuffed with sticky rice which is reminiscent of old days as well as the reasonable price of 470 yen. It seems that the squid rice will continue to enjoy the status of being the king of box lunches sold at railway stations for some time to come.

 

 

初級練習問題 187

 

北海道恵庭市に昨年十一月下旬にオープンした「恵庭花園屋内パークゴルフ場」は芝育成に使うビニールハウス十棟を、トンネル状の通路でつないだ十八ホール。総延長は七百五十六メートルで、天然芝の屋内施設としては道内最大規模である。 ハウス内は室温五度以上に保たれ、外は雪でも天然芝の上でプレーができて人気だ。入場者はオープンから二カ月で延べ五千人を超えた。

 

読者からの投稿 8(Buru, 3 July 16

 

At the end of November of the last year, the “Eniwa Hanazono Indoor Park Golf Course” opened at Eniwa City in Hokkaido. All of the 18 holes were covered by the 10 number of vinyl greenhouses which are normally using turf cultivation connected like a tunnel. The total length of the golf course is 756 meters. This is the biggest indoor facility with natural turf in Hokkaido. Now, the golf course is getting popular, because the temperature of the inside facilities is always keeping above 5 degrees Celsius in winter and also players can enjoy golfing on natural turf during a snowy day. So, the number of visitors exceeded 5,000 in two months after opened the golf course.

 

添削

 

At the end of November of the last year, the “Eniwa Hanazono Indoor Park Golf Course” opened at Eniwa City in Hokkaido. All of the 18 holes were are covered by with ten the 10 number of vinyl greenhouses which are normally used for using growing turf cultivation . These ten greenhouses are connected by a passage like a tunnel. The total length of the golf course is 756 meters. This is the biggest indoor facility with natural turf in Hokkaido. Now, the golf course is getting popular, because the temperature of the inside of the facilities is always kept keeping at  above 5 degrees Celsius in winter and also players can enjoy golfing on natural turf during a snowy day. So, the number of visitors has exceeded 5,000 in two months after opened the golf course opened.

 

コメント

 

All of the 18 holes were covered by the 10 number of vinyl greenhouses which are normally using turf cultivation connected like a tunnel.の意味がわかりませんが、他のところはわかります。ここに対応する日本文、「芝育成に使うビニールハウス十棟を、トンネル状の通路でつないだ十八ホール」には二つの内容が入っています。添削のようにそれぞれの内容を別々の文で表現するとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

At the end of November of the last year, the “Eniwa Hanazono Indoor Park Golf Course” opened at Eniwa City in Hokkaido. All of the 18 holes are covered with ten vinyl greenhouses which are normally used for growing turf. These ten greenhouses are connected by a passage like a tunnel. The total length of the golf course is 756 meters. This is the biggest indoor facility with natural turf in Hokkaido. Now, the golf course is getting popular, because the temperature  inside of the facilities is always kept at above 5 degrees Celsius in winter and players can enjoy golfing on natural turf during a snowy day. So, the number of visitors has exceeded 5,000 in two months after the golf course opened.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(かい、5 June 11

 

Eniwa Hanazono Indoor Golf Park opened in the last of late November in Eniwa City in Hokkaido. The Park has 18 holes that consists of 10 vinyl houses for growing lawn grass that are connected with tunnel-shaped passage. Its total extension is 756 meters long that is the largest as the facility with natural grass in Hokkaido. That maintains a room temperature at more than 5 degrees Celsius ,and becomes very popular because people can play on natural grass though it snows outside. The number of customer exceeded more than 5,000 in total for two months after it opened .

 

添削

 

Eniwa Hanazono Indoor Golf Park opened in the last of late November in Eniwa City in Hokkaido. The Park has 18 holes in that  consists of 10 vinyl houses for growing lawn grass1 that are connected by with tunnel-shaped passages. Natural grass grows in these vinyl houses. The Its total length of the course extention is 756 meters long that and is the largest as the an indoor golf course facility with natural grass in Hokkaido. That The indoor golf course2 maintains a room temperature at more higher than 5 degrees Celsius ,and is becomes very popular because people can play golf on natural grass though it snows outside. The number of customers has already exceeded more than3 5,000 in total for during the first two months after it opened .

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       この内容を文のどこに置いたらよいか迷いますね。いっそう、独立の文にしたらどうでしょうか。

 

2.       短い文章でも代名詞ではなくて名詞のほうがわかりやすいです。

 

3.       exceed Aで「Aを越えている」のでmore thanは要りません。

 

添削後の文章

 

Eniwa Hanazono Indoor Golf Park opened in late November in Eniwa City in Hokkaido. The Park has 18 holes in 10 vinyl houses that are connected by tunnel-shaped passages. Natural grass grows in these vinyl houses. The total length of the course is 756 meters and is the largest as an indoor golf course with natural grass in Hokkaido. The indoor golf course maintains a room temperature at higher than 5 degrees Celsiusand is very popular because people can play golf on natural grass though it snows outside. The number of customers has already exceeded 5,000 during the first two months after it opened .

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 5 March 10

 

Eniwa Flower Garden Indoor Park Golf Course was opened in Eniwa City, Hokkaido in late November last year. The golf course uses 10 vinyl greenhouses for growing turf connected with covered passageways in making up the whole 18 holes. With its total yardage being 756 meters, it is one of the largest indoor facilities with natural turf in Hokkaido. The temperatures inside the greenhouses are maintained at five degree Celsius or above, attracting visitors who want to enjoy golfing on the turf even while it is snowing. More than 5,000 people have visited the golf course in two months since its opening.

 

添削

 

Eniwa Flower Garden Indoor Park Golf Course was opened in Eniwa City, Hokkaido in late November last year. The golf course uses 10 vinyl greenhouses for growing turf connected with covered passageways in making up the whole 18 holes. With its total yardage of being 756 meters1, it is one of the largest indoor facilities with natural turf in Hokkaido. The temperatures inside the greenhouses are maintained at five degrees Celsius or above., The golf course attractings visitors who want to enjoy golfing indoor on the turf even while it is snowing outside. More than 5,000 people have visited the golf course in two months since its opening.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       ゴルフコースのコースの長さはまだヤードで計っていますね。エドモントンでもゴルフは人気のあるゲームですが(私の友だちによれば、ゴルフカートに乗ってコースを回っていてはスポーツではない、そうです)、シーズンは雪が無くなった五月半ばから、初雪の降るまで(9月半ばと早いときもあります)と短いです。昨年は10月の最初の週末に行ったのが最後でしたが、8時のティーオフがコースに霜が下りていたので溶けるまで待って、結局11時になりました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Eniwa Flower Garden Indoor Park Golf Course opened in Eniwa City, Hokkaido in late November last year. The golf course uses 10 vinyl greenhouses for growing turf connected with covered passageways in making up the whole 18 holes. With its total yardage of 756 meters, it is one of the largest indoor facilities with natural turf in Hokkaido. The temperatures inside the greenhouses are maintained at five degrees Celsius or above. The golf course attracts visitors who want to enjoy golfing indoor on the turf even while it is snowing outside. More than 5,000 people have visited the golf course in two months since its opening.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(kk, 21 Sept 08

 

The Eniwa Garden Indoor Park Golf Course opened in Eniwa City, Hokkaido in late November. This park golf course has eighteen holes which consist of ten vinyl hothouses for growing turf connected by tunnel-like aisles. The total extent of the park golf course reaches 756 meters long and it is the biggest natural turf indoor facility in Hokkaido. The temperature of the inside of the hothouses is kept higher than five degrees Celsius so that visitors can enjoy playing golf on the natural turf even in the snowy winter. The golf course attracts many visitors and a total number of visitors has exceeded 5,000 for the first five months since the opening.

 

添削

 

The Eniwa Garden Park Indoor Park1 Golf Course opened in Eniwa City, Hokkaido in late November. This park indoor golf course has eighteen holes which consist of ten vinyl hothouses for growing turf connected by tunnel-like aisles. The total extent length of the park golf course reaches 756 meters long and it is the biggest natural turf indoor facility in Hokkaido. The temperature of the inside of the hothouses is kept higher than five degrees Celsius so that visitors can enjoy playing golf on the natural turf even in the snowy winter. The golf course attracts many visitors and a total number of visitors has exceeded 5,000 for the first five months since the opening.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。内容が整理されていてわかりやすい文章です。

 

1.       An indoor golf courseという普通名詞があるので、このまま使うとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Eniwa Garden Park Indoor Golf Course opened in Eniwa City, Hokkaido in late November. This indoor golf course has eighteen holes which consist of ten vinyl hothouses for growing turf connected by tunnel-like aisles. The total length of the golf course reaches 756 meters and is the biggest natural turf indoor facility in Hokkaido. The temperature inside of the hothouses is kept higher than five degrees Celsius so that visitors can enjoy playing golf on the natural turf even in the snowy winter. The golf course attracts many visitors and a total number of visitors has exceeded 5,000 for the first five months since the opening.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、9 September 07

 

The Eniwa Flower Garden Interior Golf Course in Eniwa City of Hokkaido was opened in the latter end of November. The golf course has eighteen holes which are covered with 10 greenhouses so as to be sheltered from the elements. The total course length is 756 meters. The golf course is the largest course in Hokkaido as an interior facility. Because the temperature in the golf course is kept over five degree, visitors can play golf on natural grass when it is snow outside. The number of total visitors for two months from the opening day reaches to over five thousand.

 

添削

 

The Eniwa Flower Garden Interior Golf Course in Eniwa City of Hokkaido was opened in the latter end part of November. The golf course has eighteen holes which are covered with ten 10 greenhouses and connected by a series of tunnels so as to be sheltered from the elements1. The total length of the course length is 756 meters. The golf course is the largest indoor course in Hokkaido as an interior facility. Because the temperature in the golf greenhouses2 course is kept over five degrees Celsius, visitors can play golf on natural grass even when it is snowing outside. The number of total visitors has for two months from the opening day reachesd to over five thousand in the two months since its opening.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。エドモントン周辺ではこの10年ほどで随分とゴルフ場が増えました。なにしろエドモントンの周辺は地面が平らですから、ゴルフ場は樹木が未だ伐採してない少し起伏のある土地を選んで変化をつけています。室内ゴルフ練習場はありますが、室内ゴルフ場はありません。ゴルフシーズンは雪が無くなる5月末から始まりますが、終わりはその年の初雪次第です。9月末にはもう初雪が降る年もあれば、11月ごろまで雪が降らず、熱心なゴルファーが暖かい日を選んで、枯れた芝生と凍った地面の上でゴルフボールを追っかけている年もあります。

 

1.       室内ゴルフ場とあるので、この説明は省略できます。

 

2.       ビニールハウスの中は、にしたほうがはっきりするでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Eniwa Flower Garden Interior Golf Course in Eniwa City of Hokkaido opened in the latter part of November. The golf course has eighteen holes which are covered by ten greenhouses and connected by a series of tunnels. The total length of the course is 756 meters. The golf course is the largest indoor course in Hokkaido. Because the temperature in the greenhouses  is kept over five degrees Celsius, visitors can play golf on natural grass even when it is snowing outside. The number of total visitors has reached over five thousand in the two months since its opening.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(kappa 2004, 30 April 07

 

The Eniwa Garden indoor park golf range” opened in late November last year in Eniwa City, Hokkaido. It has 18 holes connecting with tunnel shape passages among ten vinyl houses which are used to grow lawn. It is the largest indoor facility with natural lawn in which the room temperature is kept at 5 degree C and they can play golf even it snows outside. The number of visitors exceeds 5,000 in total for two months after the opening. 

 

添削

 

The Eniwa Garden iIndoor pPark gGolf Course1 range” opened in late November last year in Eniwa City, Hokkaido. It has 18 holes connecting with tunnel shape passages among in ten hot vinyl houses which are used to grow lawn grass2. These ten hot houses are connected by tunnel-shaped passages. It This3 is the largest indoor facility golf course with natural grass lawn and4 in which the room temperature in the hot houses is kept at higher than 5 degree C in winter and so that people they can play golf even when it is snowsing outside. The golf course is very popular and Tthe total number of visitors has exceedsed 5,000 in total for in the two months after the its opening5. 

 

コメント

 

1.       固有名詞は引用句を使わずに、添削のように大文字を入れて表現するのが一般的です。

 

2.       添削のように、先ずは18 holes in ten hot housesと説明して、それからトンネルのことを説明すると文章が平易になります。ビニールハウスは日本語で英語ではa hot houseといいます。わたしも「芝生=lawn」と思っていましたが、Collins-COBUILD英英辞書に次の説明があります。A lawn is an area of grass that is kept cut short and is usually part of someone’s garden or backyard, or part of a park. 要するに草を短く刈り込んである場所がa lawnで「高麗芝」のような草自体ではないわけです。考えて見れば「芝生」には芝自体と芝が植えてある場所の二つの意味がありますね。

 

3.       Itは離れたもの、thisは近いものを指します。ここでは目下話題にしていることなのでthisにします。

 

4.       細かなことですが、「自然の草を使った室内ゴルフ場として最大」で、自然の草を使い室内温度を摂氏五度以上に保った室内ゴルフ場で最大」ではないので、室内温度のことはandでつないで説明するとよいでしょう。

 

5.       既に5,000人がプレイした、ということなので現在完了形にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Eniwa Garden Indoor Park Golf Course opened in late November last year in Eniwa City, Hokkaido. It has 18 holes in ten hot houses which are used to grow grass. These ten hot houses are connected by tunnel-shaped passages. This is the largest indoor golf course with natural grass and the temperature in the hot houses is kept higher than 5 degree C in winter so that people can play golf even when it is snowing outside. The golf course is very popular and the total number of visitors has exceeded 5,000 in the two months after its opening. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、18 July 05

 

"Eniwa Hanazono Indoor Golf Park" was opened in Eniwa City, Hokkaido, at the end of last November. It consists of 18 holes that are composed by 10 plastic housed used for raising lawn and top covered hallways that joint those 10 houses. The total length of 18 holes is 756m and it's the largest indoor natural lawn golf course in Hokkaido. The inside temperature is constantly kept more than 5 . It attracts people that you can play golf on the natural lawn even when the outside is covered with snow. More than 5000 people have already visited here for the first two months.

 

添削

 

"Eniwa Hanazono Indoor Golf Park" was opened in Eniwa City, Hokkaido, at the end of last November. It consists of 18 holes that are composed by of 10 plastic housed greenhouses1 used for raising growing lawn and top connected 2by covered hallways that joint those 10 houses. The total length of 18 holes is 756m meters. and it's It is the largest indoor natural lawn golf course with natural lawn in Hokkaido. The inside temperature inside the golf park is constantly kept more higher than 5 . It The golf park attracts people that because you can play golf on the natural lawn even when the it is snowing3 outside is covered with snow. More than 5,000 people have already visited here for the first two months.

 

コメント

 

1.       温室をplastic houseという表現が無いので、plastic greenhouseとしました。

 

2.       that are composed of A and connected by Bとすると文が簡単になります。

 

3.       「外は雪でも」は「外は雪が降っていても」ならeven when it is snowing (outside) になりmす。また「外は雪で覆われていても」ならeven when snow covers the ground outsideになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Eniwa Hanazono Indoor Golf Park" opened in Eniwa City, Hokkaido, at the end of last November. It consists of 18 holes that are composed of 10 plastic greenhouses used for growing lawn and connected by covered hallways. The total length of 18 holes is 756 meters. It is the largest indoor golf course with natural lawn in Hokkaido. The temperature inside the golf park is constantly kept higher than 5 . The golf park attracts people because you can play golf on the natural lawn even when it is snowing outside. More than 5,000 people have already visited here for the first two months.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、20June 05

 

The Eniwa Flower Garden Indoor Park Golf Course, which opened in Eniwa City, Hokkaido in late November last year, has 18 holes made of 10 vinyl houses for growing turf connected with each other by tunnel-like aisles. The golf course has a total length of 756 meters and is the biggest among the indoor natural turf facilities in Hokkaido. The room temperature inside the vinyl houses is kept at 5 degrees Celsius or over, so that the golf course is popular because people can enjoy playing golf on the natural turf even when it snows outside. The number of visitors has exceeded a total of 5,000 for two months since the golf course opened.

 

添削

 

The Eniwa Flower Garden Indoor Park Golf Course, which opened in Eniwa City, Hokkaido in late November last year, has 18 holes made of 10 vinyl hothouses1 for growing turf connected with each other by tunnel-like aisles. The golf course has a total length of 756 meters and is the biggest among the indoor natural turf facilities in Hokkaido. The room temperature inside the vinyl hothouses is kept at higher than 5 degrees Celsius or over, so that the golf course is popular because2 people can enjoy playing golf on the natural turf even when it snows outside. The golf course is very popular and Tthe number of visitors has exceeded a total of 5,000 for the first two months since the golf course opened.

 

コメント

 

1.       商業的な温室はhothouseといいます。

 

2.       ここは次の文に移したほうがすっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Eniwa Flower Garden Indoor Park Golf Course, which opened in Eniwa City, Hokkaido in late November last year, has 18 holes made of 10 vinyl hothouses for growing turf connected with each other by tunnel-like aisles. The golf course has a total length of 756 meters and is the biggest among the indoor natural turf facilities in Hokkaido. The room temperature inside the hothouses is kept higher than 5 degrees Celsius so that people can enjoy playing golf on the natural turf even when it snows outside. The golf course is very popular and the number of visitors has exceeded a total of 5,000 for the first two months since the golf course opened.

 

 

初級練習問題 188

 

米コンピューター大手IBMはソフトウエア特許500件を無料で公開すると発表した。同社は昨年1年間に米国で3248件の特許権を認められた世界一の米国特許保有企業で、昨年1年間だけでも特許技術の利用を認めることで10億ドル以上の収入を得ている。IBM経営陣の一人は無料公開について、知的所有権管理に関する新時代の幕開けだと述べており、戦略転換を意味するとみられている。

 

読者からの投稿 9(Buru, 3 July 16

 

IBM, a major computer company in the U.S., revealed that they will disclose their 500 software patents for free of charge. IBM got 3,248 approved patents of the U.S. in the last year. IBM has the most US patents in the world, so the company could earn over 1 billion US dollars only the patent fees in the last year. One of IBM executive officers told that this free disclosure system may be launched a new era for the management of intellectual ownership. It means that IBM could change their business strategy.

 

添削

 

IBM, a major computer company in the U.S., revealed that they will disclose their 500 software patents for free of charge. IBM got 3,248 approved patents approved of in the U.S. in the last year1. IBM has the largest number of most US patents in the world, so the company could earn over 1 billion US dollars just by only the patent fees in the last year. One of IBM executive officers told said that this free disclosure system may be launched a new era for the management of intellectual properties ownership. It means that IBM is about to could change their business strategy.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       Last year と副詞として使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

IBM, a major computer company in the U.S., revealed that they will disclose their 500 software patents for free of charge. IBM got 3,248 patents approved in the U.S. last year. IBM has the largest number of US patents in the world, so the company could earn over 1 billion US dollars just by the patent fees last year. One of IBM executive officers said that this free disclosure system may launch a new era for the management of intellectual properties. It means that IBM is about to change their business strategy.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(Kalo, 27 May 13

 

IBM Corps., a U.S. computer giant, announced that it would provide its 500 software patents for free. Having obtained 3,248 patents in the U.S. last year, the corporation holds the world’s largest number of U.S. patents, earning more than $1 billion a year by patent royalty. One executive of the company said that this free disclosure of patents would open a new era for managing intellectual property rights, suggesting that IBM would shift its strategy for patents.

 

添削

 

IBM Corps.1, a U.S. computer giant, announced that it would provide its 500 software patents for free. Having obtained 3,248 patents in the U.S. last year, the corporation holds the world’s largest number of U.S. patents, earning more than $1 billion a year by patent royalty. One executive of the company said that this free disclosure of patents would open a new era for managing intellectual property rights, suggesting that IBM would change shift its strategy for its patents.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。

 

1.       この会社は社名をIBMとして使っています。

 

添削後の文章

 

IBM , a U.S. computer giant, announced that it would provide its 500 software patents for free. Having obtained 3,248 patents in the U.S. last year, the corporation holds the world’s largest number of U.S. patents, earning more than $1 billion a year by patent royalty. One executive of the company said that this free disclosure of patents would open a new era for managing intellectual property rights, suggesting that IBM would change  its strategy for its patents.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(かい、7 June 11

 

IBM, a major computer company in the U.S, announced 500 software patents for free. The company is the most U.S software patent company that 3248 patents were certificated in the country over last year, and gains more than 10 billion dollars by their giving permission to use a technology of patents over last year alone. About a publication of them for nothing , one of the executive team said that a management of an intellectual ownership faced a new era. That is thought to mean a change of a strategy of the company.

 

添削

 

IBM, a major computer company in the U.S, announced that it would make1 its 500 software patents available to the public for free. IBM has the largest number of US patents and obtained The company is the most U.S software patent company that 3,248 new patents were certificated in the country over in the last year alone., and IBM earns gains more than 10 one billion2 dollars by their giving permission to use a technology of its patents over last year alone. About a publication of them for nothing , oOne of the executive team said that IBM had entered a new ear for the management of an its intellectual properties ownership faced a new era. That is thought to mean a change of in the a strategy of the company.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、わからないところがあります。

 

1.       投稿のままでは短すぎて内容がはっきりしませんから、節にして説明するとよいでしょう。

 

2.       数字は間違えると大変なことになりますから、細心の注意が必要です。

 

添削後の文章

 

IBM, a major computer company in the U.S, announced that it would make its 500 software patents available to the public for free. IBM has the largest number of US patents and obtained  3,248 new patents in the country in the last year alone. IBM earns more than one billion dollars by giving permission to use its patents last year . One of the executive team said that IBM had entered a new ear for the management of its intellectual properties . That is thought to mean a change of in the strategy of the company.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 8 March 10

 

The US computer giant IBM announced that it would disclose its 500 software patents to the public for free. With its as many as 3,248 patent rights granted in the US last year, IBM is known to hold the world’s largest number of US patents. The company raked in more than one billion dollar in patent royalty in the last year alone. A senior management member of the company was quoted as saying that the patent disclosure was the dawn of new era on the management of intellectual property at IBM. Apparently, IBM is undertaking a change in its patent policies.

 

添削

 

The US computer giant IBM announced that it would disclose its 500 software patents to the public for free. With its as many as 3,248 patent rights gGranted as many as 3,248 patents in the US last year, IBM is known to hold the world’s largest number of US patents. The company raked in more than one billion dollar in patent royaltyies in the last year alone. A senior management member of the company was quoted as saying that the patent disclosure was the dawn of a new era on of the management of intellectual property at IBM. Apparently, IBM is undertaking a change in its patent policies.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The US computer giant IBM announced that it would disclose its 500 software patents to the public for free. Granted as many as 3,248 patents in the US last year, IBM is known to hold the world’s largest number of US patents. The company raked in more than one billion dollar in patent royalties in the last year alone. A senior management member of the company was quoted as saying that the patent disclosure was the dawn of a new era of the management of intellectual property at IBM. Apparently, IBM is undertaking a change in its patent policies.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(kk, 21 Sept 08

 

IBM, the US computer giant, announced that they would open five hundred of their software patents to the public for free of charge. IBM has obtained 3,248 patents last year and has the largest number of patents in the US. They earned more than a billion dollars by licensing their patent technology last year. One of the administrative executives stated that public opening of their patents meant the beginning of a new era for the management of intellectual property rights. IBM seems to be ready for shifting their strategy.

 

添削

 

IBM, the a US computer giant, announced that they it1 would open five hundred of their software patents to the public for free of charge. IBM has obtained 3,248 patents last year and has the largest number of patents in the US. They It earned more than a billion dollars by licensing their its patents technology last year. One of the its administrative executives stated that public opening of their its patents meant the beginning of a new era for the management of intellectual property rights at IBM. IBM seems to be ready for shifting changing its their strategy.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

組織の代名詞としてtheyと複数形、it と単数形とありますが、ここではitのほうがよいように思います。IBMで働く人の総体としてのtheyより、会社全体のitのほうに重点が置かれた文章だからでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

IBM, a US computer giant, announced that it would open five hundred of their software patents to the public for free of charge. IBM has obtained 3,248 patents last year and has the largest number of patents in the US. It earned more than a billion dollars by licensing its patents last year. One of its administrative executives stated that public opening of its patents meant the beginning of a new era for the management of intellectual property rights at IBM. IBM seems to be ready for changing its strategy.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、10 September 07

 

IBM, a leading computer company in the US, announced that 500 software licenses were going to be utilized without charge. IBM possesses most licenses ,which were recognized by the US, in the world and obtained 3248 licenses in the US last year. IBM earned more than a thousand million by allowance of use of their licenses to the other companies. One of the management said that making available to the public became a new intellectual property right. The comment was regarded as new strategies of IBM.

 

添削

 

IBM, a leading computer company in the US, announced that its 500 software patents licenses were going to be utilized made available to other companies without charge. IBM possesses the largest number of American patents most licenses ,which were recognized by the US, in the world and obtained 3,248 licenses patents in the US last year. IBM earned more than a thousand million dollars by licensing its patents allowance of use of their licenses to the other companies last year. One of IBM’s top managers the management said that making its patents available to the public became would be the beginning of a new era for intellectual property rights. The comment was is regarded as the new strategiesy of IBM.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、to be utilized without chargeという大切なところがわかりません。be utilizedは、応用される、ですから、誰が応用するか、がないと意味がわからなくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

IBM, a leading computer company in the US, announced that its 500 software patents were going to be made available to other companies without charge. IBM possesses the largest number of American patents in the world and obtained 3,248 patents in the US last year. IBM earned more than a thousand million dollars by licensing its patents to other companies last year. One of IBM’s top managers said that making its patents available to the public would be the beginning of a new era for intellectual property rights. The comment is regarded as the new strategy of IBM.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(kappa 2004, 27 April 07

 

IBM, one of the American major computer companies announced that they would publish their 500 software patents free of charge. The company is the biggest American patent holder in the world who obtained 3,248 patents in last year in the US. They earned more than 1 billion dollars by granting the use of their patented technology only in a year last. One of IBM management said that it was a starting point of new era of intellectual property right administration and it seems to be a change of the strategy.    

 

添削

 

IBM, one of the American major computer companies, announced that they would publish provide1 their 500 computer software patents to the public free of charge. The company is the biggest American patent holder of American patents in the world who obtained 3,248 patents in last year in the US. They earned more than 1 one2 billion dollars by granting the use of their patented technology to others just only in one a year last year. One of IBM management executives3 said that it this decision was a starting point of for a new era of intellectual property right administration management. and5 iIt seems that IBM is ready to be a change of the its strategy.    

 

コメント

 

1.       どのようか形でパテントを提供するかわからないので、publishより一般的なprovideにしました。

 

2.       数字部分が小さい(one, two, twelveというように)時はアルファベットで記述すると文章のほかの部分との釣り合いが良い、という人が多いです。わたしもこのようにしています。

 

3.       the managementで経営陣全体を指しますが、ここではone of ~とあるので、one of IBM executivesと人を指すexecutivesを使うとよいでしょう。

 

4.       「戦略転換を意味するとみられている。」はこの文章を書いた人の分析なので、ここから新しい文にするとそのことがはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

IBM, one of the American major computer companies, announced that they would provide their 500 computer software patents to the public free of charge. The company is the biggest holder of American patents in the world who obtained 3,248 patents last year in the US. They earned more than one billion dollars by granting the use of their patented technology to others just in one year last year. One of IBM executives said that this decision was a starting point for a new era of intellectual property right management. It seems that IBM is ready to change its strategy.    

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、22 July 05

 

IBM, an American major computer company, announced that they would open its 500 patents of computer software for free. IBM has the most patents in the world that are approved in the U.S. IBM applied and took 3248 patents in the U.S. last year and IBM's last year's income by allowing others to use its patents amounted 1 billion dollars.

 

One of IBM executives said that the patent disclosure would be the dawn of new age for managing intellectual property right and that inspires IBM's change of strategy.

 

添削

 

IBM, an American major computer company, announced that they it1 would open its 500 patents of computer software for free. IBM has the most largest number of patents in the world that are approved in the U.S. For example,2 IBM applied and took got 3,248 patents applied in the U.S. last year and IBM's last year's income by allowing others to use its patents amounted to1 one billion dollars.

 

One of IBM executives said that the patent disclosure would be the dawn of a new age for managing intellectual property rights. 3This is taken as an indication that and that inspires IBM's  is going to change of its strategy for patents.

 

コメント

 

1.       全体にわかりやすい英文です。文章のほかのところではIMBには中性のitを代名詞で使っているので、ここでもitがよいです。

 

2.       文と文とのつながりを良くするためにfor exampleなどを入れると良いでしょう。

 

3.       「知的所有権管理に関する新時代の幕開けだと述べており」は事実で、「戦略転換を意味するとみられている。」はこの記事を書いた人の判断なので別の文にして相違をはっきりさせるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

IBM, an American major computer company, announced that it would open its 500 patents of computer software for free. IBM has the largest number of patents in the world that are approved in the U.S. For example, IBM applied and got 3,248 patents applied in the U.S. last year and IBM's last year's income by allowing others to use its patents amounted to one billion dollars.

 

One of IBM executives said that the patent disclosure would be the dawn of a new age for managing intellectual property rights. This is taken as an indication that IBM is going to change its strategy for patents.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、21 June 05

 

IBM, US computer giant, announced that it would disclose 500 software patents for free. The company was granted 3,248 patents in the US last year and has the largest number of US patents in the world, earning one billion dollars or more last year alone by allowing others to use their patent technologies. A member of the management at IBM says that the free patent disclosure will be the beginning of a new era of intellectual property rights management, which is seen as a shift in strategy for the company.

 

添削

 

IBM, USA, a giant computer company in the world giant, announced that it would disclose 500 software patents for free. The company was granted 3,248 patents in the US last year alone and has the largest number of US patents in the world, earning more than one billion dollars or more last year alone by allowing selling1 others to use their patented technologies. A member of the management at IBM says that the free patent disclosure will be the beginning of a new era of intellectual property rights management of the company., which This2 is seen as a shift in the strategy for of the company.

 

コメント

 

1.       昨年まではパテントを販売していたのでsellingとすしたほうが明確になります。

 

2.       ここから新しい文にしたほうが良いでしょう。最後の文は前の文の解釈なので性格が異なります。

 

添削後の文章

 

IBM USA, a giant computer company in the world , announced that it would disclose 500 software patents for free. The company was granted 3,248 patents in the US last year alone and has the largest number of US patents in the world, earning more than one billion dollars last year by selling others their patented technologies. A member of the management at IBM says that the free patent disclosure will be the beginning of a new era of intellectual property rights management of the company. This is seen as a shift in the strategy of the company.

 

 

初級練習問題 189

 

東京都は1月20日、今春のスギとヒノキ科の花粉飛散が都内で観測史上最大になる恐れがあると予測を発表、注意を呼び掛けた。飛散量が過去3番目に少なかった昨年春と比べて、平均して約21−31倍の飛散が予測されるとしている。大量飛散の原因は、昨年夏の猛暑でスギやヒノキの花の芽が良く成長したため。飛散開始日は昨年並みの2月19−20日ごろとみられている。

 

読者からの投稿 8(Buru, 6 July 16

 

On January 20, The Tokyo Metropolitan Government announced that the expectation of pollen release of Cedars and Cypresses in this spring will be the worst season in Tokyo. The government warned the public to care about hay fever themselves. According to the expectation, a quantity of pollen will be on average between 21 and 31 times through this season compared to the last spring which was the third least quantity of pollen release in the past. This is the reason why this year will be the worst because it was the good growing condition for Cedars and Cypresses last summer. The estimated date of pollen release this year will start from February 19 or 20 same as last year.

 

添削

 

On January 20, The Tokyo Metropolitan Government announced that the expectation the quantity of pollen to be released from of Ccedars and Ccypresses in this spring1 will be the worst largest season on record in Tokyo. The government warned the public to prepare for care about hay fever themselves. According to the expectation forecast, a the quantity of pollen this spring will be on average between 21 and 31 times as large as through this season compared to the last spring which was had the third least quantity of pollen release in the past. The last summer had good growing conditions for cedars and cypresses and2 Tthis is the reason why this year will have be the worst pollen season.because it was the good growing condition for Cedars and Cypresses last summer. The estimated date of pollen release this year will be start from February 19 or 20, the same as the last year.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       this springを副詞としてつかいます。

 

2.       この順序のほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On January 20, The Tokyo Metropolitan Government announced that the quantity of pollen to be released from cedars and cypresses this spring will be the largest on record in Tokyo. The government warned the public to prepare for hay fever. According to the forecast, the quantity of pollen this spring will be on average between 21 and 31 times as large as the last spring which had the third least quantity of pollen in the past. The last summer had good growing conditions for cedars and cypresses and this is the reason why this year will have the worst pollen season. The estimated date of pollen release this year will be February 19 or 20, the same as the last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(かい、11 June 11

 

On January 20, Tokyo Metropolitan Government announced a forecast that the amount of pollen dispersion of cedar and cypress in the air this spring will be the largest ever in the city , and called for an attention to the dispersion. The government expects that the amount this spring will be about 21 to 31times on an average relative to last spring ,when the amount was the second smallest ever. The cause of pollen dispersion in large numbers is that hot summer last year prompted the growth of blossom buds of cedar and cypress. It is thought that the dispersion will date from February 19 to 20 just as last year.

 

添削

 

On January 20, theTokyo Metropolitan Government announced a forecast that the amount of pollen dispersion of cedar and cypress in the air this spring will would be the largest ever in the city , and called for an attention to the pollen dispersion. The government expects that the amount of pollen this spring will be about 21 to 31times as much as on an average relative to last spring ,when the amount was the second smallest ever. The cause of pollen dispersion in a large numbers amount is that the hot summer last year prompted the growth of blossom buds of cedar and cypress. It is thought that the dispersion of pollen will start date during the period from February 19 to 20 just as last year.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On January 20, theTokyo Metropolitan Government announced a forecast that the amount of pollen of cedar and cypress in the air this spring would be the largest ever in the city , and called for an attention to the pollen dispersion. The government expects that the amount of pollen this spring will be about 21 to 31times as much as last spring when the amount was the second smallest ever. The cause of pollen dispersion in a large amount is that the hot summer last year prompted the growth of blossom buds of cedar and cypress. It is thought that the dispersion of pollen will start during the period from February 19 to 20 just as last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(mxtomi, 8 March 10

 

On January 20, the Tokyo metropolitan government released its forecast that the amount of pollen from cedar and cypress trees in the air this coming spring could possibly be the highest ever, urging its residents to take precautions. It predicted that the amount of airborne pollen would be, on average, 21 to 31 times higher than last year when the pollen count was the third lowest ever. The report attributed the huge amount of airborne pollen to the last year’s extremely hot summer which in turn stimulated the growth of blossom buds of these trees. The pollens are forecast to start circulating in the air on February 19 or 20 just as last year.

 

添削

 

On January 20, the Tokyo metropolitan government released its pollen forecast that the amount of pollen from cedar and cypress trees in the air this coming spring could possibly be the highest ever, urging its residents to take precautions. It predicted that the amount of airborne pollen would be, on average, 21 to 31 times higher than last year when the pollen count was the third lowest ever. The forecast report attributed the huge amount of airborne pollen this year to the last year’s extremely hot summer which in turn stimulated the growth of blossom buds of these trees. The pollens are is forecast to start circulating in the air on February 19 or 20 just as last year.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On January 20, the Tokyo metropolitan government released its pollen forecast that the amount of pollen from cedar and cypress trees in the air this coming spring could possibly be the highest ever, urging its residents to take precautions. It predicted that the amount of airborne pollen would be, on average, 21 to 31 times higher than last year when the pollen count was the third lowest ever. The forecast attributed the huge amount of airborne pollen this year to the last year’s extremely hot summer which in turn stimulated the growth of blossom buds of these trees. The pollen is forecast to start circulating in the air on February 19 or 20 just as last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(kk, 24 Sept 08

 

On January 20, the government of Tokyo forecast and warned that pollen of cedar and cypress would scatter away in the air at the record high level of the amount in Tokyo this spring. The amount was forecast to be about twenty-one to thirty-one times much of pollen on average this spring than that of the last spring when it was the third lowest level on record. The reason of that large amount of pollen is said that the heat of last summer season made flower buds of cedar and cypress grow well. The first season of pollen scatter is said to be starting on around February 19 to 20 as the same date as last year.

 

添削

 

On January 20, the gGovernment of Tokyo forecast and warned that pollen of cedars and cypresses1 would scatter away pollen in the air at the record high level of the amount in Tokyo this spring. The amount was is2 forecast to be about twenty-one to thirty-one times as much of as pollen on average this spring than  that of the last spring when it was the third lowest level on record. The reason of for this3 that large amount of pollen is said to be that the heat of last waves of the last summer season made cedars and cypresses grow more flower buds than usual of cedar and cypress grow well. The first season wave of pollen scatter is said to be starting on around February 19 to 20 as the same date as last year.in the regular year.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、わかり難い部分があります。

 

1.       S+V+Oという構文のほうが内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       この記事が書かれた段階で、未来の予想のことを言っているのでis forecastとなります。

 

3.       This, that は書き手の位置から見て、物理的、心理的に「近い」、「遠い」になります。ここでは未来の予想を書き手が伝達しているので「近い」のほうが適切です。

 

4.       This is that ~ . This is said to be that ~.となります。Is saidはおまけなので、本来のbe 動詞が必要です。

 

添削後の文章

 

On January 20, the Government of Tokyo forecast and warned that cedars and cypresses would scatter pollen in the air at the record high level in Tokyo this spring. The amount is forecast to be about twenty-one to thirty-one times as much as that of the last spring when it was the third lowest level on record. The reason for this large amount of pollen is said to be that the heat  waves of the last summer made cedars and cypresses grow more flower buds than usual. The first wave of pollen is said to be starting on around February 19 to 20 as in the regular year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、10 September 07

 

On 20 January, Tokyo Metropolitan warned population in Tokyo to provide the pollen of cedar and Japanese cypress this spring because the level of the pollen this spring would become the highest level in recorded history of Tokyo. The level of the pollen in air this spring would become more about 21 to 31 times than last spring when the pollen was the third lowest level. The vigorous growth of cedar and Japanese cypress by the terrible hot days last summer seems to cause such a high level pollen dispersal in air. The pollen dispersal seems to be starting about on 19 February to 20 February at the usual time.

 

添削

 

On 20 January 20, the Tokyo Metropolitan Government warned population people in Tokyo that to provide the pollen of cedar and Japanese cypress this spring because the level of the pollen from cedar and cypress this spring would become be the highest level in recorded the history of Tokyo. The level of the pollen in air this spring would become be more about 21 to 31 times more than last spring when it the pollen was the third lowest level on record. The vigorous growth of cedar and Japanese cypress by due to the extremely terrible hot days last summer seems to cause such a high level of pollen dispersal into the air. The pollen dispersal into the air is expected seems to be starting about on 19 February or to 20 February like last year at the usual time.

 

コメント

 

Tokyo Metropolitan warned population in Tokyo to provide the pollen of cedar and Japanese cypress this springという文章の大切な部分の意味が不明です。「東京都は市民に、杉の花粉とヒノキを(誰かに)提出するようにと警告した」となります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On January 20, the Tokyo Metropolitan Government warned people in Tokyo that the level of the pollen from cedar and cypress this spring would be the highest in the history of Tokyo. The level would be about 21 to 31 times more than last spring when it was the third lowest on record. The vigorous growth of cedar and Japanese cypress due to the extremely hot days last summer seems to cause such a high level of pollen dispersal into the air. The pollen dispersal into the air is expected to start on 19 February or 20 like last year .

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(kappa 2004, 28 April 07

 

On January 20, Tokyo Metropolis announced an forecast and made a warning  that dispersion of Japanese cider and cypress pollen may be the most in the record this spring.. About 21-31 times of those in average last year is expected to disperse. Extraordinary heavy pollen dispersion was reportedly caused by well-growing of flower buds of cider and cypress due to severe heat since last summer. It is expected to begin from February 19 or 20, same day as last year.

 

添削

 

On January 20, the Tokyo Metropolistan Government announced an forecast and1 made a warning that the amount of the dispersion of Japanese cider and cypress pollen may might be the most in on the record this spring. About 21 to-31 times as large as that of those in average last year is expected to be dispersed. The Eextraordinaryily heavy pollen dispersion was will be2 reportedly caused by well-growing of flower buds of cider and cypress trees due to severe heat waves since last summer. It The pollen3 is expected to begin flying in the air from February 19 or 20, the same dates day as last year.

 

コメント

 

1.       「予測を発表、注意を呼び掛けた」とありますが、次の文から予測ということがわかるので、ここでは、注意を呼びかけた、だけでよいでしょう。

 

2.       ここはこれからの予測なので未来形にします。

 

3.       すでに文章の後半で読者はitがなにを指すかはっきりわかりませんから、添削のようにします。

 

添削後の文章

 

On January 20, the Tokyo Metropolitan Government made a warning that the amount of the dispersion of Japanese cider and cypress pollen might be the most on record this spring. About 21 to31 times as large as that of last year is expected to be dispersed. The extraordinarily heavy pollen dispersion will be reportedly caused by well-growing flower buds of cider and cypress trees due to severe heat waves last summer. The pollen is expected to begin flying in the air from February 19 or 20, the same dates as last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、26 July 05

 

On January 20, Tokyo Metropolitan government announced and cautioned that the record highest amount of pollens of Japanese cedar and cypress family trees would scatter this spring in the Tokyo Metropolitan area. We will have from 21 to 31 times larger amount of pollens this year than the last year when we had the third largest amount of scattered pollens in the past.

The reason of this phenomenon is that the heat wave in the last summer stimulated the growth of those trees' buds. The pollens are going to scatter from on February 19 or 20 as last year.

 

添削

 

On January 20, the Tokyo Metropolitan gGovernment announced and cautioned that the record highest amount level1 of pollens on record of Japanese cedar and cypress family trees would be scattered2 into the air from cedar and cypress tress this spring in the Tokyo Metropolitan area. We will haveThe level of pollens3 will be from 21 to 31 times larger as large as amount of pollens this year than the last year when we had the third largest highest level amount of scattered pollens in the past. The reason of for this phenomenon is that the heat wave in the last summer stimulated the growth of the buds of those trees' buds. The pollens are going to start4 scatter flying in the air from on February 19 or 20 as last year.

 

コメント

 

1.       花粉の飛散量は空気1立方メートルあたり幾つ、というように測るのでしょうから、amount よりlevelがよいでしょう。

 

2.       スギとヒノキを隠れた主語にしてpollens will be scattered into the airとしたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

3.       前の文でthat節の主語がpollensなので、この主語を使うと文の内容の連絡がついて読みやすくなります。

 

4.       「飛散開始日」なのでstart flying in the airとすると良いでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On January 20, the Tokyo Metropolitan Government announced and cautioned that the highest level of pollens on record would be scattered into the air from cedar and cypress tress this spring in the Tokyo Metropolitan area. The level of pollens will be 21 to 31 times larger than last year when we had the third largest level of pollens in the past. The reason for this phenomenon is that the heat wave last summer stimulated the growth of the buds of those trees . The pollens are going to start flying in the air on February 19 or 20 as last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、21 June 05

 

On January 20, the Tokyo Metropolitan Government issued by way of caution the prediction that the amount of cedar and Japanese cypress pollen in the air in Tokyo this spring was likely to be the largest ever recorded. It is estimated that on the average the amount will be about 21 to 31 times as large as that of last spring when the amount was the third smallest ever recorded.  The cause of the large amount of pollen in the air is the healthy growth of the flower buds of cedar and Japanese cypress due to the intense heat of last summer. Pollen is estimated to start to come into the air sometime around February 19 to 20, more or less the same as last year.

 

添削

 

On January 20, the Tokyo Metropolitan Government issued by way of caution the prediction a warning1 that the amount of cedar and Japanese cypress pollen in the air in Tokyo this coming2 spring was likely to be the largest ever recorded. It is estimated that3 on On the average, the amount will be about 21 to 31 times as large as that of last spring when the amount was the third smallest lowest ever recorded. The cause of tThe large amount of pollen in the air is caused by4 the healthy growth of the flower buds of cedar and Japanese cypress trees due to the intense heat of last summer. The5 Ppollen is estimated expected to start to come into flying in the air sometime around February 19 to 20, more or less the same dates as last year.

 

コメント

 

1.       Issued a warningとすると表現が簡潔になります。

 

2.       9月の時点でthis springというとこの年の456月頃をさします。また2月の時点でthis springと言えば、この年の4,5,6月頃です。英語のthis springはこのように曖昧な表現なので、ここではthis coming springとしました。

 

3.       文の内容から見てここの部分は省略したほうが簡略になります。

 

4.       名詞より動詞のほうが文が明確になる、というプレイン・イングリッシュの法則を適用しました。

 

5.       「今春のスギとヒノキ科の花粉」なので定冠詞をつけます。

 

添削後の文章

 

On January 20, the Tokyo Metropolitan Government issued a warning that the amount of cedar and Japanese cypress pollen in the air in Tokyo this coming spring was likely to be the largest ever recorded. On average, the amount will be about 21 to 31 times as large as that of last spring when the amount was the third lowest ever recorded. The large amount of pollen in the air is caused by the healthy growth of the flower buds of cedar and Japanese cypress trees due to the intense heat of last summer. The pollen is expected to start flying in the air sometime around February 19 to 20, more or less the same dates as last year.

 

 

初級練習問題 190

 

日本郵政公社は1月18日、2005年用の年賀はがきの販売枚数が04年用に比べて4・5%減の約38億5000万枚となり、2年ぶりにマイナスに転じたと発表した。約43億7000万枚の発行枚数のうち約5億2000万枚が売れ残った。

 

年賀はがきは、郵便事業の年間売り上げの約10%を占めているが、電子メールの普及で落ち込み傾向が続いている。郵政公社は「昨年に起きた地震や台風などの影響で、年賀ムードが盛り上がらなかったのが原因」と見ている。

 

読者からの投稿 9(Buru, 6 July 16

 

On January 18, Japan Post released that the sales quantity of New Year’s Greeting Cards of 2005 decreased by 4.5% to about 38.5 billion compared with 2004. The sales decrease became over the last two years. About 520 million cards out of a total of about 43.7 billion printed cards remained. The New Year’s Greeting Card accounted for about 10% of annual sales of the postal business. But recently, the sales has continuously declined because e-mail has been prevailing. Japan Post analyzed this circumstance that it was caused the sad atmosphere in the public due to hitting many natural disaster such as earthquake and typhoon last year, so people were a lack of feeling of celebration in New Year.

 

添削

 

On January 18, Japan Post released announced that the sales quantity of New Year’s Greeting Cards of 2005 decreased by 4.5% to about 38.5 billion from compared with 2004. The sales decrease became apparent1 over the last two years. About 520 million cards out of the a total of about 4.3.7 billion printed cards remained unsold1. The New Year’s Greeting Cards accounted for about 10% of annual sales of the postal business. But recently, the sales has have continuously declined because e-mail has been prevailing wider and wider. Moreover2, Japan Post analyzed that last year this circumstance that it was caused the sad atmosphere in the public due to hitting many natural disasters such as earthquakes and typhoons last year happened in Japan and, so people were a lacking of the feeling of celebration for in the New Year3.

 

コメント

 

Japan Post analyzed this circumstance that it was caused the sad atmosphere in the public due to hitting many natural disaster such as earthquake and typhoon last year, so people were a lack of feeling of celebration in New Year.のところがわかりませんが、他はわかります。

 

1.       ここにこのような言葉が無いと文が完結しません。

 

2.       今年はこのような特別が原因が重なった、ということなので、moreoverを入れます。

 

3.       このような順序にするとわかりやすく表現できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

On January 18, Japan Post announced that the sales of New Year’s Greeting Cards of 2005 decreased by 4.5% to about 38.5 billion from 2004. The sales decrease became apparent over the last two years. About 520 million cards out of the total of about 4.37 billion cards remained unsold. New Year’s Greeting Cards accounted for about 10% of annual sales of the postal business. But recently, the sales have continuously declined because e-mail has been prevailing wider and wider. Moreover, Japan Post analyzed that last year many natural disasters such as earthquakes and typhoons happened in Japan and people were lacking the feeling of celebration for the New Year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(かい、15 June 11

 

On January 18, Japan Post announced that the number of 2005 New Year's postcards sold was about 3.85 billion , a decline of 4.5% and suffered a loss in two years. Of about the 4.37 billion postcards published , about 0.52 billion were unsold. Postcard service accounts for about 10% in postal service earnings ,but the cards continue to have trend of slacken earnings due to a prevalence of an e-mail. Japan Post considers a cause as the ruining a mood of their selling festive New Year's cards because of an influence of earthquakes and typhoons last year.

 

添削

 

On January 18, Japan Post announced that the number of 2005 New Year's postcards sold was about 3.85 billion , a decline of 4.5% from last year and suffered a decrease in the sales loss in two years. Of about the 4.37 billion postcards published printed , about 0.52 billion were left unsold. The sales of New Year’s Ppostcards service accounts for about 10% of the total revenue in postal service earnings , but the sales of postcards continue a downward to have trend of slacken earnings due to the a prevalen