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初級練習問題添削 171−180

 

練習問題 171(15 Apr 05) (1 Oct 05) (12 April 07) (14 Aug 07) (26 Aug 07) (25 Aug 08)

                            (31 March 09) (13 Feb 10) (14 May 11) (8 April 13) (16 June 16)

 

練習問題 172(15 Apr 05) (1 Oct 05) (12 April 07) (14 Aug 07) (26 Aug 07) (26 Aug 08)

                            (2 April 09) (13 Feb 10) (14 May 11) (8 April 13) (16 June 16)

 

練習問題 173(16 Apr 05) (8 Oct 05) (12 April 07) (14 August 07) (27 Aug 07)

(28 Aug 08) (3 March 09) (14 Feb 10) (16 May 11) (8 April 13)

(16 June 16)

 

練習問題 174 (21 Oct 04) (16 Apr 05) (14 Oct 05) (12 April 07) (28 Aug 07) (29 Aug 08)

                             (4 April 09) (14 Feb 10) (16 May 11) (8 April 13) (23 June 16)

 

練習問題 175 (20 Apr 05) (21 Oct 05) (12 April 07) (16 Aug 07) (28 Aug 07) (31 Aug 08)

                             (14 Feb 10) (16 May 11) (8 April 13) (23 June 16)

 

練習問題 176 (19 Oct 04) (10 May 05) (27 Oct 05) (13 April 07) (16 Aug 07) (1 Sept 08)

(31 Aug 07) (19 Feb 10) (18 May 11) (24 March 13) (4 May 13)

(25 June 16)

 

練習問題 177 (12 May 05) (4 Nov 05) (13 April 07) (17 Aug 07) (29 Aug 07) (4 Sept 08)

                             (21 Feb 10) (18 May 11) (4 July 12) (4 May 13) (25 June 16)

 

練習問題 178 (12 May 05) (7 Nov 05) (13 April 07) (17 Aug 07) (1 Sept 07) (5 Sept 08)

                   (21 Feb 10) (18 May 11) (5 May 13) (25 June 16)

 

練習問題 179 (13 May 05) (7 Nov 05) (14 April 07) (18 Aug 07) (1 Sept 07)

(10 Sept 08) (21 Feb 10) (20 May 11) (5 May 13) (26 June 16)

 

練習問題 180 (17 May 05) (9 Nov 05) (14 April 07) (20 Aug 07) (1 Sept 07)

(10 Sept 08) (21 Feb 10) (21 May 11) (5 May 13) (26 June 16)

 

初級問題 171

 

8月16日午後2時半ごろ、秋田市手形の雑木林で、同市内の60歳代の夫婦が散策路を散歩中、左脇道から出てきた体長約1メートルのクマに襲われた。

 

読者からの投稿 11(BURU, 16 June 16

 

A couple in the 60th, living in Akita City, was attacked a bear during walk on a track in a thicket at Tegata in Akita City on August 16 around 2:30 P..M. The bear, 1 meter length of body, appeared from a left side alley.

 

添削

 

A couple in their 60ths, living in Akita City, was attacked a bear during their walk on a trail track in the a thicket at Tegata in Akita City around 2:30 pm1 on August 16 around 2:30 P..M. The bear, 1 meter long length of body, suddenly appeared from the a left side of the trail alley.

 

コメント

 

文章全体の内容がわかります。

 

1.       時間、日にちの順にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

A couple in their 60s in Akita City was attacked a bear during their walk on a trail in the  thicket at Tegata in Akita City around 2:30 pm on August 16. The bear, 1 meter long, suddenly appeared from the left side of the trail .

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 8 April 13

 

A bear, which was two meters long and got out from left byway, attacked a 60-year-old couple living in Amita City who were walking along a rambling road in a copse in Tegata region Amita City at about 2:30 pm on August 16.

 

添削

 

A bear, which was one two meters long, and suddenly jumped got out from of left a byway, and attacked a 60-year-old couple in their sixties living in Amita City who were walking along a rambling road in the woods a copse in the Tegata region of Akita Amita City at about 2:30 pm on August 16.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       数字に気をつけましょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A bear, which was one meter long, suddenly jumped out of a byway and attacked a couple in their sixties walking along a road in the woods in the Tegata region of Akita City at about 2:30 pm on August 16.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(かい、14 May 11

 

Around 2:30 p.m on August 16, a couple of husband and wife in Akita City was damaged by a bear in the course of their walking in a walking trail in Tegarta district's wooded area in the city. The bear came across them from a left sideway and was about 1meter-long.

 

添削

 

Around 2:30 p.m. on August 16, a couple of husband and wife in Akita City was damaged hurt by a bear when they were in the course of their walking in a walking trail in the Tegarta district's wooded area in the city. The bear, a meter high, came across them the couple from a left sideway and was about 1meter-long.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

Around 2:30 p.m. on August 16, a couple of husband and wife in Akita City was hurt by a bear when they were walking a trail in the Tegarta district's wooded area in the city. The bear, a meter high, came across the couple from a left sideway.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 13 February 10

 

Around 2:30 on the afternoon of August 16, a couple in their sixties was attacked by a one-meter long bear in a brush in Tegata, Akita City. The couple was the residents of the city and was strolling down a walkway when they came across the bear coming out of a side path on their left.

 

添削

 

Around 2:30 on the afternoon of August 16, a couple in their sixties was attacked by a one-meter long high1 bear in a brush in Tegata, Akita City. The couple was the residents of the city and was strolling down a walkway when they came across the bear that jumped coming2 out of a side path on their left.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「体長約1メートル」とありますが、one-meter long bearというと、この熊が四足で歩いている感じです。one-meter high bearとすると、後足で立って襲いかかる感じになります。

 

2.       the bear that jumped out of ~とすると、文を読むときにthatのところで心理的に一息つくので、それ以降のjumped out of`~の印象が強くなります。

 

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 2:30 on the afternoon of August 16, a couple in their sixties was attacked by a one-meter high bear in a brush in Tegata, Akita City. The couple was the residents of the city and was strolling down a walkway when they came across the bear that jumped out of a side path on their left.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 31 March 09

 

Around 2:30 p.m. on August 16, a couple in their sixties who lived in Akita City was attacked by a bear appearing from a side road on their left which was approximate one meter in length. The couple had walked around in a wooded area in Tegata, Akita City.

 

添削

 

Around 2:30 p.m. on August 16, a couple in their sixties who lived in Akita City was attacked by a bear appearing from a side road on their left when1 they were taking a walk in a wooded area in Tegata, Akita City. which was approximate The bear was about one meter in length. The couple had walked around in a wooded area in Tegata, Akita City.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       何処を散歩していたかは重要な情報なので最初の文に入れたほうがよいでしょう。熊の大きさは補助的な情報なので独立の文にしてよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 2:30 p.m. on August 16, a couple in their sixties who lived in Akita City was attacked by a bear appearing from a side road on their left when they were taking a walk in a wooded area in Tegata, Akita City. The bear was about one meter in length.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 25 Aug 08

 

Around 2:30 pm on August 16, in the woods in Tegata, Akita City, a couple in their sixties in the city was suddenly attacked by a one-meter high bear which emerged from the left side path while they were strolling along the walking path.

 

添削

 

Around 2:30 pm on August 16, while walking along a path1 in the woods in Tegata, Akita City, a couple in their sixties in from the city were2 was suddenly attacked by a one-meter high bear which emerged from the left side of3 the path while they were strolling along the walking path.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       in the woodsa walking pathが文の中で分かれているので、ここに一緒にしました。

 

2.       a coupleは受ける動詞は複数形なのでwereにします。

 

3.       「左脇道から」なので投稿の法が正確なのですが、短い文で散歩道と左脇道があって混乱しますから「散歩道の左側から」にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 2:30 pm on August 16, while walking along a path in the woods in Tegata, Akita City, a couple in their sixties from the city were suddenly attacked by a one-meter high bear which emerged from the left side of the path .

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、26 August 07

 

On August 16th around 2:30 p.m., a couple in their 60s was attacked by a bear which was 1 meter in length and appeared from the left side of the path when they were walking in the strolling path.

 

添削

 

Around 2:30 pm Oon August 16th around 2:30 p.m., a couple in their 60s was attacked by a one-meter high bear which  was 1 meter in length and appeared from the left side of the path when they were taking a walk in woods at Tegata in Akita City walking in the strolling path1.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の総てがわかりますが、添削のようにすると読みやすくなりす。ただし、日本文にある情報が抜け落ちていますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 2:30 pm on August 16th, a couple in their 60s was attacked by a one-meter high bear which appeared from the left side of the path when they were taking a walk in woods at Tegata in Akita City .

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、14 August 07

 

Around 2:30 p.m. on August 16, a couple in their sixties who lives in Akita City was taking a walk on the road in a forest at Tegata in the city. They was suddenly attacked  by an about 100-centimeter-tall bear which appeared from a left sideway.

 

添削

 

Around 2:30 p.m. on August 16, a couple in their sixties who lives in Akita City was taking a walk on the road trail1 in a forest at Tegata in the city2. They was were suddenly attacked by an about one-meter 100-centimeter-tall bear which appeared from a left sideway on the left side of the trail.

 

コメント

 

1.       雑木林の中の細い道でしょうからa trailがよいでしょう。

 

2.       日本文の内容を適当なところで二つに分けて英文で表現していますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 2:30 p.m. on August 16, a couple in their sixties in Akita City was taking a walk on the trail in a forest at Tegata in the city. They were suddenly attacked by an about one-meter tall bear which appeared from a sideway on the left side of the trail.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(kappa 2004, 12 April 07

 

Around 2:00 pm on August 16, an couple of sixties years old living in Akita Coty was assaulted by a bear of one meter length which happed to appear from left side of the path while they were walking in a coppice in Tegata, Akita Prefecture.

 

添削

 

Around 2:00 pm on August 16, an couple1 in their of sixties years old living in Akita Cioty were was assaulted by a bear of one meter in length in the woods in Tegata, Akita City2. which The bear3 suddenly happed to appeared from a trail on the left side of the a walking path while when the couple they were taking a walking in a coppice in Tegata, Akita Prefecture.

 

コメント

 

1.       a couple of people in their sixties 60歳台の二人の人、a couple in their sixties 60歳台の夫婦となります。

 

2.       秋田市に住む人が秋田市手形で熊に遭難した、ですから人と遭難場所の二つに地名が必要ですね。

 

3.       文が長くなるので、ここから新しい文にすると読みややすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 2:00 pm on August 16, a couple in their sixties in Akita City were assaulted by a bear of one meter in length in the woods in Tegata, Akita City. The bear suddenly appeared from a trail on the left side of a walking path when the couple were taking a walk.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、1 October 05

 

A couple in their 60s was attacked by a one-meter tall bear at Tegata in Akita City around 2:30 p.m. on August 16. The couple was taking a walk in the wood and the bear came out from the left side of the trail.

 

添削

 

A couple in their 60s was attacked by a one-meter tall bear at Tegata in Akita City around 2:30 p.m. on August 16. The couple was taking a walk in the wood and when the bear suddenly came out from of the bush on1 the left side of the trail.

 

コメント

 

1.       投稿のままで内容は良くわかりますが、添削のようにすると、すこしドラマティックになります。ここでwhenは「散歩をしていると、そのとき突然〜」というつながりに使います。

 

カナダでも熊と人間の遭遇による事故がこの数年増加しています。2005年にはすでに4件の死亡事故がありました。原因は山に入る人が増えているとか、山のベリーが不作で熊が人里近くまで降りて来るとか、言われていますがはっきりしません。わたしは去年の夏にあまり人の行かないカナディアン・ロッキーのハイキングコースを歩いていると、雨上がりの道にまだ新しい熊の足跡が続いているのを見つけて、急いで引き返したことがあります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A couple in their 60s was attacked by a one-meter tall bear at Tegata in Akita City around 2:30 p.m. on August 16. The couple was taking a walk in the wood when the bear suddenly came out of the bush on the left side of the trail.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、15 April 05

 

Around 2:30 p.m. on August 16, a couple in their sixties taking a stroll along a road in the bush in Tegata, Akita City were attacked by a bear of approximately one meter in length, which dashed out of a left by-path.

 

添削

 

Around 2:30 p.m. on August 16, a couple in their sixties taking a stroll along a road in the bush in Tegata, Akita City, were attacked by a bear of approximately one meter in length,1 which dashed out of a left by-path on the left side2.

 

コメント

 

日本文はいろいろな状況がひとつの文の中に詰め込まれているので、まずはこれらの状況描写の整理がひつようですね。マウントさんはすっきりとまとめています。日本文の主要部分は「夫婦が熊に襲われた」ですね。あとは状況描写をどのような順序で英文に入れるかを決めます。

 

1.       ここはコンマ無しで続けたほうが熊とのつながりが確実になってよいです。

 

2.       A right by-patha left by-pathという言葉が一般的な場合は、ここでa left by-pathでよいでしょうが、一般的ではないと思うので、a by-path on the left sideとしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 2:30 p.m. on August 16, a couple in their sixties taking a stroll along a road in the bush in Tegata, Akita City, were attacked by a bear of approximately one meter in length which dashed out of a by-path on the left side.

 

 

 

初級問題 172

 

夏休みを海外で過ごした人たちの帰国ラッシュが7月16日、ピークを迎え、成田空港の到着ロビーは、土産物を抱えた家族連れやカップルらで混雑した。 成田国際空港会社によると、この日は7月1日から8月31日までの夏休み期間中で最も多い約5万1000人が帰国。

 

読者からの投稿 11(BURU, 16 June 16

 

On July 16 was the peak day of traveler’s return at Narita airport. Most of the travelers spent their summer holiday in overseas. The arrival hall congested with many families and couples who brought many souvenirs.. According to Narita International Airport Company, on the day was 51,000 people came back. This was the biggest number during summer holiday between July 1 and August 31.

 

添削

 

On July 16 was the peak day of travelers returning to at Narita aAirport from their summer holidays. Most of the travelers spent their summer holidays in overseas1. The arrival hall was congested with many families and couples who brought back many souvenirs with them. . According to Narita International Airport Company, on the day was 51,000 people came back on that day. This was the largest biggest number during summer holidays between July 1 and August 31 this year.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       Overseasを副詞として使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

July 16 was the peak day of travelers’ returning to Narita Airport from their summer holidays. Most of the travelers spent their summer holidays overseas. The arrival hall was congested with many families and couples who brought back many souvenirs with them. According to Narita International Airport Company, 51,000 people came back on that day. This was the largest number during summer holidays between July 1 and August 31 this year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 8 April 13

 

The number of those who returned from trips abroad became most on July 16, they had stayed abroad during their summer vacation. The Robby in the Narita Airport was crowded by families and couples having souvenirs. According to Narita International Airport Company, about 51000 people returned on the day and it was most in the period of summer vacation from July 1 to August 31.

 

添削

 

At Narita Airport, Tthe number of Japanese tourists those who returned from their summer vacations trips abroad reached a peak became most on July 16, they had stayed abroad during their summer vacation. The lobby Robby at in the airport Narita Airport was crowded by with families and couples carrying their having souvenirs. According to the Narita International Airport Company, about 51,000 people returned on the day and it was the largest most in the period of summer vacation from July 1 to August 31.

 

コメント

 

1.       The Robbyの他はすべてわかります。

 

2.       先ずは何処の話かをはっきりさせるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

At Narita Airport, the number of Japanese tourists who returned from their summer vacations abroad reached a peak on July 16. The lobby at the airport was crowded with families and couples carrying their souvenirs. According to the Narita International Airport Company, about 51,000 people returned on the day and it was the largest in the period of summer vacation from July 1 to August 31.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(かい、14 May 11

 

The rush caused by people returning to Japan who have spent oversea in summer vacation reached a peak on July 16, and the arrival lobby of Narita Airport was crowded with families and couples with souvenirs. According to Narita International Airport Corporation , the number of those was about 51,000 and the largest during the vacation from July 1 to August 31.

 

添削

 

At the arrival lobby of Narita Airport1, Tthe rush caused by of people returning to Japan who have spent from their overseas in summer vacations reached a peak on July 16., and tThe arrival lobby of Narita Airport was crowded with families and couples with souvenirs. According to Narita International Airport Corporation , the number of returning people those was about 51,000 on that day and was the largest during the vacation season from July 1 to August 31.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       具体性のあるものを文頭に置くと読者の注意をよびます。

 

添削後の文章

 

At the arrival lobby of Narita Airport, the rush of people returning to Japan from their overseas summer vacations reached a peak on July 16.The arrival lobby was crowded with families and couples with souvenirs. According to Narita International Airport Corporation, the number of returning people was about 51,000 on that day and was the largest during the vacation season from July 1 to August 31.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 13 February 10

 

A rush of returning travelers who spent their summer holidays abroad reached a peak on July 16, causing the arrival lobby of Narita Airport to be heavily congested with families and couples with their hands full of souvenirs. Narita International Airport Corporation said that the day alone saw 51,000 people returning home, the largest number during the summer holidays from July 1 to August 31.

 

添削

 

At the Narita International Airport1, Aa rush of returning travelers returning from who spent their summer holidays abroad reached a peak on July 16, causing the arrival lobby of Narita Airport to be heavily congested with families and couples with their hands full of souvenirs. The Narita International Airport Corporation said that the day alone saw 51,000 people returning home, the largest number during the summer holidays from July 1 to August 31.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       主語が長いので、何処で、を文頭にいれるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

At the Narita International Airport, a rush of travelers returning from their summer holidays abroad reached a peak on July 16, causing the arrival lobby heavily congested with families and couples with their hands full of souvenirs. The Narita International Airport Corporation said that the day alone saw 51,000 people returning home, the largest number during the summer holidays from July 1 to August 31.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 2 April 09

 

On July 16, the arrival lobby of the Narita International Airport got heavily crowded because of the rush of returning families and couples with souvenirs who spent their summer vacation abroad. The Narita International Airport Corporation announced that about 51 thousands people returned Japan through the Airport on that day which was the largest number among the summer vacation period from July 1 to August 31.

 

添削

 

On July 16, the arrival lobby of the Narita International Airport got heavily crowded with because of the rush of returning families and couples1 with souvenirs who came back from spent their summer vacations abroad. They were all carrying bags of souvenirs. The Narita International Airport Corporation announced said that about 51 thousands people returned to Japan through the Airport on that day, which was the largest number during among the summer vacation period from July 1 to August 31.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       was crowed with peopleとしたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 16, the arrival lobby of the Narita International Airport got heavily crowded with   families and couples who came back from their summer vacations abroad. They were all carrying bags of souvenirs. The Narita International Airport Corporation said that about 51 thousands people returned to Japan through the Airport on that day, which was the largest number during the summer vacation period from July 1 to August 31.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 26 Aug 08

 

The arrival lobby of the Narita International Airport was crowded with people who had spent their summer holidays overseas rushed back to Japan and the number of families and couples with a lot of souvenirs reached the peak on July 16. According to the Narita International Airport Co., about 51,000 people, the largest number of people during the summer holiday season from July 1 to August 31, returned to Japan on that day.

 

添削

 

On July 16, Tthe arrival lobby of the Narita International Airport was crowded as1 with people who had spent their summer holidays overseas rushed back to Japan and the number of families and couples with a lot of souvenirs  reached the peak on July 162. According to the Narita International Airport Co., about 51,000 people, the largest number of people during the summer holiday season from July 1 to August 31, returned to Japan on that day.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       asにしないとここ以降の文と文の前半との関係がわからなくなります。

 

2.       次の文でこの内容の説明があるので省略したほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 16, the arrival lobby of the Narita International Airport was crowded as people who had spent their summer holidays overseas rushed back to Japan with a lot of souvenirs. According to the Narita International Airport Co., about 51,000 people, the largest number of people during the summer holiday season from July 1 to August 31, returned to Japan on that day.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、26 August 07

 

On July 16th, the arrival lobby in Narita Airport was crowded with families and couples who were carrying many gifts because rush of returning travelers who spent time abroad in the summer vacation peaked the day. The Narita International Airport Corporation announced the number of the returning travelers on July 16th is the largest number in the summer vacation period between on July 1st to on August 31st.

 

添削

 

On July 16th, the arrival lobby in at Narita Airport was crowded with families and couples who were carrying many gifts because the rush of returning travelers who spent time summer holidays abroad in the summer vacation peaked on that the day. The Narita International Airport Corporation announced said the number of the returning travelers on July 16th is was the largest number in during the summer vacation period between on July 1st and to on August 31st.1

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の総てがわかります。添削のようにすると読みやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 16th, the arrival lobby at Narita Airport was crowded with families and couples who were carrying many gifts because the rush of returning travelers who spent summer holidays abroad peaked on that day. The Narita International Airport Corporation said the number of the returning travelers on July 16th was the largest during the summer vacation period between July 1st and August 31st.1

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、14 August 07

 

People who spent their summer vacation in foreign countries rushed on coming back to Japan. Its peak was July 17. The arrival lobby in Narita Airport was crowded with families and couples who held many souvenirs. According to the Narita International Airport company, Narita Airport had the largest number of people who came back to Japan on July 17 for the summer vacation between July 1 and August 31 and their number amounted to 51,000.

 

添削

 

People who have1 spent their summer vacation in foreign countries are rusheding on coming back to Japan now. Its peak was On July 17., Tthe arrivals lobby of in Narita Airport was crowded with families and couples carrying who held many souvenirs. According to the Narita International Airport cCompany, Narita Airport had 51,0002 the largest number of people who came back to Japan on July 17 that day3 and perhaps this was the largest number during for the summer vacation season of between July 1 and to August 31 and their number amounted to 51,000.

 

コメント

 

1.       have spent休暇を終えた、としてare rushing back to Japan続々と帰国している、とすると臨場感(具体的)が出ます。

 

2.       先ずは大切な情報である51,000人を記述します。

 

3.       ここで日付がでてくると、前の日付との関連を頭の中でします。on that dayとすると、この作業を省略できるのでわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

People who have spent their summer vacation in foreign countries are rushing back to Japan now. On July 17, the arrivals lobby of Narita Airport was crowded with families and couples carrying many souvenirs. According to the Narita International Airport Company, Narita Airport had 51,000 people who came back to Japan on that day and perhaps this was the largest number during the summer vacation season of July 1 to August 31.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(kappa 2004, 12 April 07

 

A rush of returns of peoples having spent overseas in summer vacation was peaked on July 16. The arrival lobby of Narita Airport was crowed with families and couples holding a lot of souvenirs. Narita Air Terminal Corporation reported that about 51,000 people returned home, which was the most in the period of summer holidays between July 1 and August 31.  

 

添削

 

A rush of returns of peoples after1 having spent overseas in summer vacations overseas was peaked on July 16 at Narita International Airport2. The arrival lobby of Narita Airport was crowed with families and couples holding a lot of souvenirs. Narita Air Terminal Corporation reported that about 51,000 people returned home on that day, which was the most in the period of summer holidays between July 1 and August 31.  

 

コメント

1.       a rush of returns of people having spent summer vacations overseas海外で夏休みを過ごした人々の帰国ラッシュ、a rush returns of people after having spent summer vacations overseas 海外で夏休みを過ごした後で、帰国してきた人々のラッシュ、と内容は同じですが、後者にすると時間の経過がはっきりします。

 

2.       成田空港の帰国ラッシュということを最初の文に入れると、読者に文章の重要なところがすぐにわかります(このような文を文章のキーセンテンスとよびます)。

 

添削後の文章

 

A rush of returns of people after having spent summer vacations overseas peaked on July 16 at Narita International Airport. The arrival lobby was crowed with families and couples holding a lot of souvenirs. Narita Air Terminal Corporation reported that about 51,000 people returned home on that day, which was the most in the period of summer holidays between July 1 and August 31.  

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、1 October 05

 

A rush of returning travelers who spent their summer holidays in abroad reached the peak on July 16 and Narita Airport was crowded with families and couples who were holding a lot of souvenirs. Narita International Airport Company says it has the largest number of returnees of 51000 on July 16 during this summer vacation of starting from July 1 to August 31.

 

添削

 

A rush of returning travelers who spent their summer holidays in abroad reached the peak on July 16 and at Narita International Airport1. The airport’s arriving lounge was crowded with families and couples who were holding a lot of souvenirs. The Narita International Airport Company says said2 that on that day alone, 51,000 people3, it has the largest number of returnees of 51000 on July 16 during thist the  summer vacation period of starting from between July 1 to and August 31, came back.

 

コメント

 

1.       ここで文を切るとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       前の文の時制と合わせて過去形にします。

 

3.       51,000 peopleを主語にすると文型が簡単になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A rush of returning travelers who spent their summer holidays abroad reached the peak on July 16 at Narita International Airport. The airport’s arriving lounge was crowded with families and couples who were holding a lot of souvenirs. The Narita International Airport Company said that on that day alone, 51,000 people, the largest number of returnees during the summer vacation period between July 1 and August 31, came back.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント、15 April 05

 

There came a peak of a rush of returning travelers from overseas summer vacation on July 16. The arrival lobby of Narita International Airport was crowded with families or couples holding souvenirs. According to Narita International Airport Corporation, some 51,000 people, the most during the period of summer vacation between July 1 and August 31, returned on this day.

 

添削

 

At Narita International Airport1, Tthere came a peak of a rush of returning travelers from overseas summer vacation on July 16. The arrival lobby of Narita International Airport was crowded with families or and couples holding souvenirs. According to Narita International Airport Corporation, some 51,000 people, the most largest number2 during the period of summer vacation season between July 1 and August 31, returned on this day.

 

コメント

 

1.       短い文章ですがそれでも最初の文に成田空港を入れて、この文章が何についてか最初から読者にわかるようにしたほうが良いでしょう。

 

2.       The mostとるとsome 51,000 peopleとの関連で、「この人たちの大部分が」という誤った連想も起きるのでthe largest numberと客観的な表現にしたほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

At Narita International Airport, there came a peak of a rush of returning travelers from overseas summer vacation on July 16. The arrival lobby was crowded with families and couples holding souvenirs. According to Narita International Airport Corporation, some 51,000 people, the largest number during the summer vacation season between July 1 and August 31, returned on this day.

 

 

初級問題 173

 

米航空宇宙局(NASA)は7月13日、日本人宇宙飛行士・野口聡一さんらを乗せて来春打ち上げられるスペースシャトル「ディスカバリー」について、「コロンビア」の事故につながった外部燃料タンクの設計を変更すると発表した。

 

読者からの投稿 11(BURU, 16 June 16

 

NASA revealed the design change about the space shuttle “Discovery” on July 13 which has a schedule to launch with Japanese astronaut Mr. Soichi Noguchi next spring. They will change the design of the outer fuel tank which related to the accident of Columbia

 

添削

 

NASA revealed the a design change of about the space shuttle Discovery on July 13, which has a schedule to be launched with a Japanese astronaut, Mr. Soichi Noguchi, next spring. NASA They will change the design of an the outer fuel tank which was related to the accident of space shuttle Columbia

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

NASA revealed a design change of space shuttle Discovery on July 13, which has a schedule to be launched with a Japanese astronaut, Mr. Soichi Noguchi, next spring. NASA  will change the design of an outer fuel tank which was related to the accident of space shuttle Columbia

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 8 April 13

 

NASA announced on July 13 about the space shuttle 'Discovery'', which then plan to launch with Japanese astronauts Soichi Noguchi and others next spring, that they will change the design of the outer fuel tank that caused the accident of 'Colombia'.

 

添削

 

NASA announced on July 13 about the space shuttle 'Discovery'', which then plan to launch with Japanese astronauts Soichi Noguchi and others next spring, that they would will change the design of the outer fuel tank of space shuttle Discovery that had caused the accident of space shuttle 'Colombia'. Space shuttle Discovery will be launched next spring with a crew including a Japanese astronaut, Mr. Soichi Noguchi.

 

コメント


内容のすべてが推測できます。

 

1.       この内容を別の文にしたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

NASA announced on July 13 that they would l change the design of the outer fuel tank of space shuttle Discovery that had caused the accident of space shuttle Colombia. Space shuttle Discovery will be launched next spring with a crew including a Japanese astronaut, Mr. Soichi Noguchi.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(かい、16 May 11

 

On July 13, the National Aeronautic and Space Administration (NASA) broke the news concerning the space shuttle Discovery that they would change the design of the external fuel tank led to the accident of the space shuttle Columbia. Discovery is scheduled to be launched with Noguchi Soucichi, a Japanese astronaut, and other members next spring.

 

添削

 

On July 13, the National Aeronautic and Space Administration (NASA) broke the news concerning the space shuttle Discovery that NASA they would change the design of the external fuel tank of space shuttle Discovery. The fuel tank had led to the accident of the space shuttle Columbia. Discovery is scheduled to be launched with Mr. Noguchi Soucichi, a Japanese astronaut, and other members next spring.

 

コメント

 

Discovery that they would change the design of the external fuel tank that had led to the accident of the space shuttle Columbiaは赤字部分が入らないと意味がわかりません。

 

ここから新しい文にした方が内容がはっきりするでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 13, the National Aeronautic and Space Administration (NASA) broke the news that NASA would change the design of the external fuel tank of space shuttle Discovery. The fuel tank had led to the accident of space shuttle Columbia. Discovery is scheduled to be launched with Mr. Noguchi Soucichi, a Japanese astronaut, and other members next spring.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 14 February 10

 

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) announced on July 13 that it would modify the specifications of the external fuel tank of the space shuttle Discovery that was scheduled to be launched next spring carrying a crew of astronauts including a Japanese Soichi Noguchi. The conventional type of the external fuel tank is said to have caused the shuttle Columbia accident.

 

添削

 

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) announced on July 13 that it would modify the specifications of the an external fuel tank of the space shuttle Discovery1 that was scheduled to be launched next spring. The space shuttle will carrying a crew of astronauts including a Japanese Soichi Noguchi. The current conventional type of the design of2 external fuel tank is said to have caused the shuttle Columbia accident of space shuttle Columbia.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       space shuttle Discoveryと固有名詞に使うことが多いようです。

 

2.       従来のタンク、はこの表現のほうがはっきりするでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) announced on July 13 that it would modify the specifications of an external fuel tank of space shuttle Discovery that was scheduled to be launched next spring. The space shuttle will carry crew of astronauts including a Japanese Soichi Noguchi. The current design of external fuel tank is said to have caused the accident of space shuttle Columbia.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 3 March 09

 

On July 13, NASA announced that they would change the design of the external fuel tank attached by the Discovery that caused the Columbia accident. The Discovery plans to launch next spring with Japanese astronaut, Mr. Souich Noguchi, and other members.

 

添削

 

On July 13, NASA announced that they would change the design of the external fuel tank attached by to space shuttle the Discovery. This type of external fuel tank that had caused the Columbia accident in the past. The Discovery is plansed to be launched next spring with a Japanese astronaut, Mr. Souich Noguchi, as one of its crew and other members.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますがof the external fuel tank attached by the Discovery that caused the Columbia accidentthatが、by the Discoveryという句があるので何を指すのか曖昧になります。添削のように二つの文にするとはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 13, NASA announced that they would change the design of the external fuel tank attached to space shuttle Discovery. This type of external fuel tank had caused the Columbia accident in the past. Discovery is planed to be launched next spring with a Japanese astronaut, Mr. Souich Noguchi, as one of its crew .

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 28 Aug 08

 

On July 13, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration, NASA, announced that they planned to alter a design of the external fuel tank loaded on space shuttle "Discovery", which would be launched next spring with Mr. Soichi Noguchi, a Japanese astronaut. A defect of the external fuel tank once caused the accident of space shuttle "Colombia".

 

添削

 

On July 13, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration, (NASA), announced that it1 would they planned to alter a design of the external fuel tank of loaded on space shuttle "Discovery", which would be launched next spring with Mr. Soichi Noguchi, a Japanese astronaut, as one of its crew. A defect of in the external fuel tank had2 once caused the accident of space shuttle "Colombia".

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       組織の代名詞はit, theyと単数でも複数でも使えますが、ここでは組織全体を指してitのほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       文章全体が過去形なので、この過去の前に起こったことと言う意味でhad causedとするとよいでしょう。日本人には過去完了形という時制は特殊なもののように見えますが、英語人(英語を日常使う人)にはごく普通の時制です。小説は全体が過去形で書かれたものが多いですから、この時点より前は過去完了形になり、たくさん過去完了形が使われています。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 13, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) announced that it would  alter a design of the external fuel tank of space shuttle Discovery, which would be launched next spring with Mr. Soichi Noguchi, a Japanese astronaut, as one of its crew. A defect in the external fuel tank had caused the accident of space shuttle Colombia.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、27 August 07

 

On July 13th, National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) announced to improve the design of the external funeral cell, the faults of which leaded to the Columbia accident, of the space shuttle "Discovery" that would be launched next spring and that Japanese astronaut Soichi Noguti would be on.

 

添削

 

On July 13th, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) announced that1 it would to improve the design of the external funeral cell tanks of spaceship Discovery., the fFaults of the external fuel tanks caused which leaded to the Columbia accident of space shuttle Columbia., of the sSpace shuttle "Discovery" that would will be launched next spring and that the Japanese astronaut Soichi Noguti would will be one of the crews be on.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、長い文にいろいろな情報が入っているので、情報の相互関係が文を一読しただけではわかりません。添削のように短い文に分割するとよいでしょう。

 

1.       that節にすると、この節は主語+動詞を含むので読みやすくなりす。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 13th, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) announced that it would improve the design of the external funeral tanks of spaceship Discovery. Faults of the external fuel tanks caused the accident of space shuttle Columbia., Space shuttle Discovery  will be launched next spring and the Japanese astronaut Soichi Noguti will be one of the crews.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、14 August 07

 

A space shuttle, "Discovery" which carries a Japanese astronaut, Soichi Noguchi will be launched next spring. On July 13, NASA announced that it would improve the design of the outside fuel tanks which caused "Colombia" accident.

 

添削

 

A sSpace shuttle,  "Discovery" which whose crew includes carries a Japanese astronaut, Soichi Noguchi, will be launched next spring. On July 13, NASA announced that it would improve the design of the its outside fuel tanks which had caused the "Colombia"  accident1.

 

コメント

 

1.       二つの文の順序を入れ替えて、On July 13, NASA announced that it would improve the design of the external fuel tanks of space shuttle Discovery based on the lessons learned from the Columbia accident. Space shuttle Discovery whose ~.とすると、日本文の要点が文章の最初に来るので内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Space shuttle Discovery whose crew includes a Japanese astronaut, Soichi Noguchi, will be launched next spring. On July 13, NASA announced that it would improve the design of its outside fuel tanks which had caused the Colombia accident.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(kappa 2004, 12 April 07

 

On July 31, National Aero Space Agency (NASA) announced that design of outside fuel tank of the space shuttle “Discovery” would be modified because it had caused the accident of “Columbia”. “ Discovery “ was scheduled to be launched in the next spring lifting Souichi Noguchi, a Japanese astronaut and others.

 

添削

 

On July 31, the National Aeronautics Aero Space Agency (NASA) announced that a design of the outside external fuel tank of Space Shuttle the space shuttle “Discovery would be modified because it the external fuel had caused the accident of Space Shuttle Columbia1. Space Shuttle Discovery is was scheduled to be launched in the next spring lifting Souichi Noguchi, a Japanese astronaut, and others into space2.

 

コメント

 

1.       「日本人宇宙飛行士・野口聡一さんらを乗せて来春打ち上げられるスペースシャトルディスカバリー」という長い修飾節を独立の文にして文章の最後に置いたのでわかりやすくなりました。

 

2.       lifting them into spaceとするとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 31, the National Aeronautics Space Agency (NASA) announced that a design of the external fuel tank of Space Shuttle Discovery would be modified because the external fuel had caused the accident of Space Shuttle Columbia. Space Shuttle Discovery is  scheduled to be launched in the next spring lifting Souichi Noguchi, a Japanese astronaut, and others into space.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、8 October 05

 

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) announced on July 13 that it would change the design of the outer fuel tank of the Space Shuttle “Discovery” which Mr. Soichi Noguchi and other crew members would get on board next spring. Some defects in the design of the outer fuel tank caused the accident of the Space Shuttle “Colombia”.

 

添削

 

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) announced on July 13 that it would change the design of the outer fuel tank of the Space Shuttle1 Discovery, which Mr. Soichi Noguchi and other crew members would get on board next spring. Some defects in the design of the outer fuel tank caused the accident of the Space Shuttle Colombia2.

 

コメント

 

1.       Space Shuttle “Discovery”と大文字書いて全体を固有名詞にしていますから、冠詞はいりません。the space shuttle Discoveryと普通名詞に冠詞をつけても表現できます。

 

2.       「コロンビアに事故につながった〜」を独立した文にしたので、文章がわかりやすくなりましたね。

 

添削後の文章

 

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) announced on July 13 that it would change the design of the outer fuel tank of Space Shuttle Discovery, which Mr. Soichi Noguchi and other crew members would get on board next spring. Some defects in the design of the outer fuel tank caused the accident of Space Shuttle Colombia.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、16 April 05

 

National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) announced on July 13 that it would change the design of the outer fuel tank of the space shuttle, "Discovery," which will be launched to take its crew members including Mr. Soichi Noguchi, a Japanese astronaut, into space next spring. The tank had earlier led to the accident of the space shuttle, "Columbia."

 

添削

 

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) announced on July 13 that it would change the design of the an outer fuel tank of the on space shuttle, "Discovery1," which will be launched to take its crew members including Mr. Soichi Noguchi, a Japanese astronaut, into space next spring. The tank had earlier led to the accident of the space shuttle, "Columbia."

 

1.       米国のスペースシャトルもいまやよく知られた存在なので固有名詞としてspace shuttle Discoveryというように使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) announced on July 13 that it would change the design of an outer fuel tank  on space shuttle,Discovery, which will be launched to take its crew members including Mr. Soichi Noguchi, a Japanese astronaut, into space next spring. The tank had earlier led to the accident of space shuttle Columbia.

 

 

初級問題 174

 

揚げたてのパンに冷たいソフトクリームをはさんだ新味覚「アイスドッグ」が、浪速の流行の最先端で、若者が多く集まる大阪・ミナミの繁華街アメリカ村で人気を呼んでいる。ソフトクリーム店「六甲牧場荒井」が昨年9月に販売を始め今では1日100個近くも売れている。

 

読者からの投稿 11(BURU, 23 June 16

 

A new taste ice cream, “Ice Dog”, is becoming popular at America Mura at Minami district in Osaka where is the famous entertainment place and leading young people’s fashion. Ice Dog is like a sandwich. It is inserted an ice cream in a fried bread. One of the Ice cream stalls “ Rokko Bokujo Arai” has started the sales since last September . It is selling 100 nos. of Ice Dog a day.

 

添削

 

A new taste type of hotdog1, ice cream, “Ice Dog”, is becoming popular at America Mura in at the Minami district of in Osaka ,which where is a the famous entertainment place and also a leading district for young people’s fashion. An Ice Dog is is a kind of hotdog like a sandwich. It is inserted an iIce cream is inserted into in a fried bread. One of the hotdog Ice cream stalls “ Rokko Bokujo Arai” has started the selling Ice Dogs sales since last September . Now Iit is selling 100 of them nos. of Ice Dog a day.

 

コメント

 

内容の推測ができます。It is inserted an ice cream in a fried bread.は文の形はおかしいですが、内容は推測できます。

 

1.       私はアイスドッグを食べたことはありませんが、インターネットの写真をみると、ホットドック用のパンにアイスクリームを挟んだ物のようです。アイスクリームのまわりにホットドッグのパンを付けた、というようホットドッグの中にアイスクリームを入れた、と考えるほうが妥当でしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new type of hotdog “Ice Dog” is becoming popular at America Mura in the Minami district of Osaka, which is a famous entertainment place and also a leading district for young people’s fashion. An Ice Dog is is a kind of hotdog. Ice cream is inserted into a fried bread. One of the hotdog stalls “ Rokko Bokujo Arai” has started selling Ice Dogs last September . Now it is selling 100 of them a day.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 8 April 13

 

Fried bread hot from a pod with cold soft cream 'Ice Dog', new taste, has got population in the southern Osaka downtown America-mura square, where many young people gather and is fashion frontier of Naniwa region. A soft cream shop 'Okko Bokujyo Arai' started selling on last September and they have sold one hundred a day nearly.

 

添削

 

A new style of hot dog, Ice Dog, with ice cream sandwiched in a piece of freshly fried bread is popular Fried bread hot from a pod with cold soft cream 'Ice Dog', new taste, has got population in the southern Osaka downtown of America-mura sSquare, where many young people gather and is as a fashion frontier of the Naniwa region. A soft cream shop 'ORokko Bokujyo Arai' started selling Ice Dog on last September. and Now they are selling have sold close to one hundred a day nearly.

 

コメント

 

最初のアイス・ドッグの説明が分かり難いですが、文章全体の内容やは推測できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new style of hot dog, Ice Dog, with ice cream sandwiched in a piece of freshly fried bread is popular in the southern Osaka downtown of America-mura Square where many young people gather as a fashion frontier of the Naniwa region. A soft cream shop 'Rokko Bokujyo Arai started selling Ice Dog last September. Now they are selling close to one hundred a day .

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(かい、16 May 11

 

The “Ice Dog”, a fried bread freshly sandwiched with chill soft-serve ice cream , is popular in American Village in downtown area , Minami, Osaka where someone sets the most advanced trend and that attracts many young people. The soft-serve ice cream shop, “Rokko Bokujo Arai”, has started a selling since last September and now sells nearly 100 per a day.

 

添削

 

The “Ice Dog”, a freshly fried hotdog bun bread freshly sandwiched with chill soft-serve soft ice cream sandwiched in it1, is popular at in American Village in the downtown area ,called Minami, in Osaka where someone sets the most current advanced trends and that attracts many young people2. A The soft-serve soft ice cream shop, “Rokko Bokujo Arai”, has started invented3 Ice Dog a selling since last September and now is sellsing nearly 100 per a day.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、わからないところがあります。

 

1.       A is sandwiched between B and C.が一般的な用法です。Soft ice cream is sandwiched in a hotdog bun.とすればホットドッグは真ん中から二つに開いて、そこにソーセージが挟んであるということを読者は知っていますから、in a hotdog bunでも、アイスクリームがどのうようにホットドッグのパンに挟んであるかわかります。ホットドッグのパンを主語にすると添削のような形になります。

 

2.       このように言い換えると、簡単な表現になります。

 

3.       新製品ということを強調してinventedにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Ice Dog”, a freshly fried hotdog bun with soft ice cream sandwiched in it, is popular at  American Village in the downtown area called Minami, in Osaka where the most current  trends attract many young people. A soft ice cream shop, “Rokko Bokujo Arai”, invented Ice Dog last September and now is selling nearly 100 a day.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 14 February 10

 

A new type of food named “Ice Dog”, soft ice-cream sandwiched in freshly-fried bread, has been gaining popularity in the American village, a busy shopping mall in the south of Osaka City. The village is known as the forefront of trends followed by youngsters in Osaka. Ice Dog was first sold at Rokko Ranch Arai, a soft ice-cream shop, in September last year and is now selling nearly 100 peaces a day.

 

添削

 

A new type of food named “Ice Dog”, which is soft ice-cream sandwiched in freshly-fried bread, is has been gaining popularity in the American vVillage, a busy shopping mall in the south of Osaka City. The village is known as the forefront of youngsters’ 1 trends followed by youngsters in Osaka. Rokko Ranch Arai, a soft ice-cream shop, started selling2 Ice Dog was first sold at Rokko Ranch Arai, a soft ice-cream shop, in September last year and is now selling nearly 100 peaces a day.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       英文では一般的に名詞のつながる複合名詞を避けますが、ここではthe trends followed by youngstersは冗長に感じます。何故でしょうね。youngstersと言っているので、元気のいい若者のイメージがyoungsters’ trendsという短い表現に合っているとおもうのでしょうかね。

 

2.       投稿の表現ですと、六甲牧場荒井が始めたが、現在では他の店でも売っているので一日に100個も売れる、というようなことも考えられます。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new type of food named “Ice Dog”, which is soft ice-cream sandwiched in freshly-fried bread, is gaining popularity in American Village, a busy shopping mall in the south of Osaka City. The village is known as the forefront of youngsters’ trends in Osaka. Rokko Ranch Arai, a soft ice-cream shop, started selling Ice Dog in September last year and is now selling nearly 100 peaces a day.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 4 April 09

 

A new taste food, Ice Dog, which holds a cold softcream between freshly-fried breads becomes popular in downtown area of southern Osaka City which called "Amerika-mura". The America-mura is famous for gathering many youngsters who are the most fashonable style in Naniwa. "Rokko Bokujyo Arai" , a softcream shop there began to sell them on September last year and now it sells about 100 Ice Dogs in a day.

 

添削

 

A new taste kind of food, Ice Dog, which holds a cold soft cream between a freshly-fried hotdog bun1 breads has becomes popular in the downtown area of southern Osaka City which is called "Amerika-mura" or American Village. The America-mura is popular famous to for gathering many youngsters who are dressed in the most recent fashions fashonable style in Osaka Naniwa. "Rokko Bokujyo Arai," a soft cream shop there began to sell Ice Dog them on in September last year and now it sells about 100 Ice Dogs in a day.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが、The America-mura is famous for gathering many youngsters who are in the most fashionable style in Naniwa.としないとわかりません。

 

1.       通常のホットドッグ用の長細いパン(この種のパンをa bunといいます)にソフトクリームを入れたものでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new kind of food, Ice Dog, which holds cold soft cream between a freshly-fried hotdog bun has become popular in the downtown area of southern Osaka City which is called "Amerika-mura" or American Village. America-mura is popular to youngsters who are dressed in the most recent fashions in Osaka. "Rokko Bokujyo Arai," a soft cream shop there began to sell Ice Dog in September last year and now sells about 100 Ice Dogs a day.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 29 Aug 08

 

The "Ice Dog", which sandwiches cold ice cream in between fresh-fried hotdog bun is the latest trend in Naniwa district and is very popular at the American Village of the Minami entertainment area in Osaka where many young people hang around. The "Rokko Ranch Arai", an ice-cream cone shop, started selling "Ice Dog" last September and now sells around a hundred pieces a day.

 

添削

 

The1 "Ice Dog", which sandwiches cold ice cream in a between freshly-fried hotdog bun is the latest trendy food in Naniwa district and is very popular at the American Village of the Minami entertainment area in Osaka where many young people hang around. The "Rokko Ranch Arai2", an ice-cream cone shop, started selling "Ice Dog" last September and now sells around a hundred pieces a day.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       新しい商品ですが食べ物の名前なので定冠詞を付けずに”Ice Dog”でよいでしょう。

 

2.       固有名詞ですが、Araiと店主(?)の名前が付いているので定冠詞無しがよいとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Ice Dog", which sandwiches cold ice cream in a freshly-fried hotdog bun is the latest trendy food and is very popular at the American Village of the Minami entertainment area in Osaka where many young people hang around. "Rokko Ranch Arai", an ice-cream shop, started selling "Ice Dog" last September and now sells around a hundred pieces a day.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、28 August 07

 

A new taste "Ice Dog", which sandwiches ice cream between freshly-fried bread, is very popular as a latest "Naniwa" trend at the American village, crowded with young people, of a Minami downtown area in Osaka City. The ice cream shop "Rokko Bokujo Arai" started to sell the ice dog last September and sells 100 pieces of the ice dog a day.

 

添削

 

A new taste, "Ice Dog", which sandwiches ice cream between a piece of freshly-fried bread, is very popular with young people2 as a the latest "Naniwa" trend at the American vVillage, crowded with young people, of the a Minami entertainment district downtown area in Osaka City. TheAn ice cream shop, "Rokko Bokujo Arai," started to selling Ice Dog3 the ice dog last September and now sells 100 pieces of the ice dog a day1.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

2.       「若者が多く集まる大阪・ミナミの繁華街アメリカ村」とありますが、若者に大人気だ、という内容で代用すると文が簡単になります。

 

3.       Ice Dogという固有名詞で統一するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new taste, "Ice Dog", which sandwiches ice cream between a piece of freshly-fried bread, is very popular with young people as the latest "Naniwa" trend at American Village of the  Minami entertainment district in Osaka City. An ice cream shop, "Rokko Bokujo Arai," started selling Ice Dog last September and now sells 100 pieces a day.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(kappa 2004, 12 April 07

 

A new taste “Ice dog” having soft ice cream in hot fried bread is catching on now in America village of Minami downtown, Osaka where many young guys are gathering in most fashionable in Naniwa style. “Rokko Farm Arai” , a soft ice creme shop has sold about 100 pieces in a day from the outset in last September.

 

添削

 

A new taste, “Ice dDog,having soft ice cream in sandwiched in a hot fried bread bun1, is catching on now in America vVillage of the Minami downtown entertainment district, Osaka, where many young guys are gathering in the most fashionable clothing in Naniwa style. “Rokko Farm Arai,, a soft ice creme cream shop has is selling2 sold about 100 pieces of Ice Dog in a day since it started selling this product3 from the outset in last September.

 

1.       Ice Dog, soft ice cream sandwiched in a hot fried bun, とアイスドッグの説明をコンマで囲って説明するとわかりやすいでしょう。ホットドッグに使う細長いパンやハンバーグに使う丸いパンはa bunといいます。sandwichedというとホットドッグのソーセージのようにソフトクリームがパンに挟んであることがよくわかるでしょう。

 

2.       「売れている。」なので現在進行形にするとよいでしょう。

 

3.       「販売を始め」はこのように説明をするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new taste, “Ice Dog,” soft ice cream sandwiched in a hot fried bun, is catching on now in America Village of the Minami entertainment district, Osaka, where many young guys are gathering in the most fashionable clothing in Naniwa. “Rokko Farm Arai,” a soft ice cream shop is selling about 100 pieces of Ice Dog a day since it started selling this product last September.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(さくら、14 October 05

 

A new food called “Icedogis now popular at American Village in the downtown of Minami, Osaka, where young people hang around and the latest fashion is born. Icedogis ice cream sandwiched between fried bread. It has been sold by a ice cream shop Rokko Farm Arai” since last September and recently almost 100 Icedog are sold a day.

 

添削

 

A new food called the1 “Icedogis now popular at American Village in the downtown entertainment district2 of Minami, Osaka, where young people hang around and the latest fashion is born3. The “Icedogis a sort of hotdog4 with ice cream sandwiched between fried bread. It has been sold by a ice cream shop, Rokko Farm Arai since last September and recently almost 100 Icedog are sold a day.

 

コメント

 

固有名詞なの定冠詞を付けます。

 

downtownというと町の一番の繁華街を指しますが、大阪にはいろいろと繁華街があるので、どれが一番とは言えません。「ミナミの歓楽街」としておきました。

 

「浪速の流行の最先端で、若者が多く集まる所」の説明がよくわかりますね。

 

アイスドッグはホットドッグの一種かそれともアイスクリームの一種か、どちらにしましょうか。わたしはホットドッグの一種と考えて、「アイスクリームを揚げたパンに挟んだある種のホットドッグ」としました。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new food called the “Icedogis now popular at American Village in the entertainment district of Minami, Osaka, where young people hang around and the latest fashion is born. The “Icedogis a sort of hotdog with ice cream sandwiched between fried bread. It has been sold by a ice cream shop, Rokko Farm Arai since last September and recently almost 100 Icedog are sold a day.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、16 April 05

 

A new trend in taste called the "Ice Dog," a combination of freshly deep-fried bun with chilled ice cream sandwiched in it, is getting more and more popular in America Mura (American village) in Minami in downtown Osaka. It is the hottest spot in the Osaka area attracting so many youngsters. An ice cream shop, "Rokko Bokujo Arai" started selling the item last September and it now sells about as many as a hundred pieces a day.

 

添削

 

A new trend in taste food called the "Ice Dog," a combination of freshly deep-fried hotdog1 bun with chilled ice cream sandwiched in it, is getting more and more popular in at America Mura (American village) in the Minami district in downtown Osaka. It America Mura2 is the hottest spot in the Osaka area attracting so many youngsters. An ice cream shop, "Rokko Bokujo Arai" started selling the item last September and it now sells about as many as a hundred pieces a day.

 

コメント

 

1.       bunというとマクドナルドのハンバーガーのような丸い形のパンを通常指すので、(実際のアイスドッグを見たことはないのですが)ホットドッグのような細長いものでしたらhotdog bunといいます。

 

2.       まえの文にいくつも知名が出てくるのでAmerica Muraとするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new trend in food called "Ice Dog," a freshly deep-fried hotdog bun with ice cream sandwiched in it, is getting more and more popular at America Mura (American village) in the Minami district in downtown Osaka. America Mura is the hottest spot in Osaka attracting many youngsters. An ice cream shop, "Rokko Bokujo Arai" started selling the item last September and it now sells as many as a hundred pieces a day.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NOMU21 October 04

 

A new type of snack called 'Ice Dog', a soft serve ice cream sandwiched in hot deep fried bread is catching on in 'Amerika Mura'. 'Amerika mura' or American Village is a shopping and entertainment district located in Southern Osaka. It serves as a trend setter of Osaka district and has been attracting many young people. 'Rokko Farm Arai', a soft serve ice cream shop, launched the sale of 'Ice Dog' in September last year and now the sale has reached as many as one hundred pieces a day.

 

添削

 

A new type of snack called 'Icedog1 Dog', a deep fried hotdog with ice cream instead of a sausage2, a soft serve ice cream sandwiched in hot deep fried bread is catching on in 'Amerika Mura'. 'Amerika mura' or American Village is a shopping and entertainment district located in Southern the southern part of Osaka3. It This district4 serves as a trend setter of for Osaka district and has been attracting many young people. 'Rokko Farm Arai', a soft serve an ice cream shop, launched the sale of 'Icedog Dog' in September last year and now the sale has reached sells5 as many as one hundred pieces a day.

 

コメント

 

1.       hotdogという言葉があるので、それに対応してicedogが良いと思います。

 

2.       この食べ物の説明は難しいですね。従来のホットドッグと較べて変わっているところは、先ずバンが揚げてあること、ソーセージの代わりにアイスクリームが挟んであること、ですから添削のようにしました。

 

3.       私は大阪の地理に疎いのですが、ミナミの英語名がSouthern Osakaとして普通に使われていれば投稿のままでよいですが、大阪の南部地域、という一般名称にするなら添削のようになります。

 

4.       代名詞よりthe districtと繰り返すほうが、はっきりします。

 

5.       文の主語をそのままにしてsells as many as ~とするほうが、文の流れがよくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new type of snack called 'Icedog ', a deep fried hotdog with ice cream instead of a sausage, is catching on in 'Amerika Mura'. 'Amerika mura' or American Village is a shopping and entertainment district located in the southern part of Osaka. This district serves as a trend setter for Osaka and has been attracting many young people. 'Rokko Farm Arai', an ice cream shop, launched the sale of 'Icedog ' in September last year and now sells as many as one hundred pieces a day.

 

 

初級問題 175

 

米沢市内の薬店に押し入ったとして、強盗致傷容疑で逮捕された群馬県の30代の男2人の狙いは、現金ではなく製薬会社のマスコット人形だった。背景には、こうしたマスコット人形がマニアの間で高値で取引されている現状がある。

 

読者からの投稿 10(BURU, 23 June 16

 

Two men in their 30s of Gunma Prefecture were arrested on charges of rubbery and injury. They intruded into a pharmacy in Yonezawa City, but their aim was not money. They tried to steal a doll distributed by a pharmaceutical company. In fact, such dolls have been transacted between maniacs quite high price.

 

添削

 

Two men in their 30s of Gunma Prefecture were arrested on charges of rubbery and injury. They intruded into a pharmacy in Yonezawa City, but their aim was not money. They tried to steal a doll distributed by a pharmaceutical company. In fact, such dolls have been transacted between among maniacs at quite high prices.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Two men in their 30s of Gunma Prefecture were arrested on charges of rubbery and injury. They intruded into a pharmacy in Yonezawa City, but their aim was not money. They tried to steal a doll distributed by a pharmaceutical company. In fact, such dolls have been transacted among maniacs at quite high prices.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Valley winds, 8 April 13

 

The aim of two 30-year-aged men was not money but a figure provided by a medicine maker. They were arrested on suspicious of robbery and a charge of injuring that they had broken into a pharmacy in Yonezawa City, This case took place against the background of the fact that enthusiasts exchange these mascots each other at a high prices.

 

添削

 

A couple of men in their thirties The aim of two 30-year-aged men broke into pharmacy in Yonezawa City and stole was not money but a mascot dolls figure provided by a medicine maker. They were arrested on suspicious of robbery and causing and a charge of injuring injuries that they had broken into a pharmacy in Yonezawa City, This case took place against the background of the fact that enthusiasts buy and sell exchange these mascots dolls each other at a high prices.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A couple of men in their thirties broke into pharmacy in Yonezawa City and stole not money but mascot dolls provided by a medicine maker. They were arrested on suspicious of robbery and causing injuries. This case took place against the background that enthusiasts buy and sell these mascot dolls at high prices.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(かい、16 May 11

 

Two arrested men in their thirties in Gunma Prefecture on charge of burglary and injury on breaking into a drug store in Yonezawa City had an intention for not cash but a dangle-dolly of a drugmaker. This is reason that such doll is now handled at high price between maniac as the background.

 

添削

 

The Ttwo arrested men in their thirties in Gunma Prefecture arrested on charge suspicion of burglary and resulting in injuryies on breaking into a drug store in Yonezawa City in Gunma Prefecture had an intention of stealing for not cash but a mascot dolls dangle-dolly of a pharmaceutical company drugmaker. This is reason that2 sSuch mascot dolls are is sold and bought now handled at high prices among between mascot doll maniacs as the background.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますがThis is reason that such doll is now handled at high price between maniac as the background.が前の文とよくつながりません。

 

1.       現行犯逮捕でなければ、まだ容疑の段階です。

 

2.       This is the reason that ~.とすると文章の中で既に述べたことが、that以下の理由である、という構文になります。The reason for stealing dolls is that ~.とするか、または添削のようにします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The two men in their thirties arrested on suspicion of burglary resulting in injuries on breaking into a drug store in Yonezawa City in Gunma Prefecture had an intention of stealing not cash but mascot dolls of a pharmaceutical company. Such mascot dolls are  sold and bought at high prices among mascot doll maniacs .

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 14 February 10

 

Two men in their thirties from Gunma Prefecture have been arrested on suspicion of robbery resulting in injuries when they broke into a pharmacy in Yonezawa City. Curiously enough, their aim was not cash but a mascot doll of a pharmaceutical company displayed there. Apparently, this event mirrors the current situation where such mascots are being traded at high prices among fanatics.

 

添削

 

Two men in their thirties from Gunma Prefecture have been arrested on suspicion of robbery resulting in injuries when they broke into a pharmacy in Yonezawa City. Curiously enough, their aim was not to steal cash but a mascot doll1 of a pharmaceutical company displayed there. Apparently, the incident this event mirrors the a current phenomenon that situation where such mascots are being traded at high prices among fanatics.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

子供の背丈ぐらいある大きな人形で、昼間は店頭に飾り、夜は店内に入れておくのでしょうかね。せいぜい5センチぐらいの小さな人形で、ある程度の買い物をする客にあげるのならば、mascot dollsでしょうが。

 

添削後の文章

 

Two men in their thirties from Gunma Prefecture have been arrested on suspicion of robbery resulting in injuries when they broke into a pharmacy in Yonezawa City. Curiously enough, their aim was not to steal cash but a mascot doll1 of a pharmaceutical company displayed there. Apparently, the incident mirrors a current phenomenon that such mascots are being traded at high prices among fanatics.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 31 Aug 08

 

Two men in their thirties in Gunma Prefecture were arrested for breaking into a pharmacy in Yonezawa City on the charge of a robbery resulting in bodily injury. Their aim was not to steal money but a mascot doll of a pharmaceutical company. The truth is, these mascot dolls are transacted at high price among mascot doll maniacs.

 

添削

 

Two men in their thirties in Gunma Prefecture were arrested for breaking into a pharmacy in Yonezawa City on the charge of a robbery resulting in bodily injury. They wanted to Their aim was not to steal money but a mascot dolls1 of a pharmaceutical company not cash. The truth is2, these Such mascot dolls are traded transacted at high prices among mascot doll maniacs.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       英文では大切な情報が早くわかるような文の構造にします。ここではマスコット人形を盗む、を文の前方に置くほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       日本文には「背景には」とありますが、次の文の中にこのような内容が含まれているので、the truth is, は省略します。

 

添削後の文章

 

Two men in their thirties in Gunma Prefecture were arrested for breaking into a pharmacy in Yonezawa City on the charge of a robbery resulting in bodily injury. They wanted to   mascot dolls of a pharmaceutical company not cash. Such mascot dolls are traded at high prices among mascot doll maniacs.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、28 August 07

 

The two men in their 30s living in Gumma Prefecture were arrested for robbery resulting in bodily injury on suspicion of breaking into a pharmacy in Yonezawa City. The burglaries wanted to get not cash but a dangle-dolly of a drug company. Behind the crime, it is because such a dangle-dolly is traded at inflated price among mania.

 

添削

 

The tTwo men in their 30s living in Gumma Prefecture were arrested on suspicion of for robbery resulting in bodily injury when they broke injury on suspicion of breaking into a pharmacy in Yonezawa City1. The burglariess wanted to get not cash but a dangle-dollyies3 of a drug company. Behind the crime, there is a phenomenon that it is because2 such a dangle-dolly is traded at inflated price among manias.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、(1)と(2)のところの構造がちぐはぐです。

 

1.       on suspicion of robbery resulting in bodily injuryを一つにまとめ、「薬店に押し入った」は添削のように付け加えるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       Behind the crimeが無ければ、投稿のままでよいですが、これがあるとit is because ~ とは続きません。このitは強盗のことを指しているのでthe crimeと意味が重なり、文の構造がわからなくなります。

 

3.       この「マスコット人形」がどんなものか知りませんが、店内に大きな人形が一つ、デンと置いてあるのではなく、小さな人形がたくさん置いてあって、これをおまけに呉れるような気がします。すると、泥棒がたった一つの人形を盗んだとは考えられませんん。

 

添削後の文章

 

Two men in their 30s living in Gumma Prefecture were arrested on suspicion of robbery resulting in bodily injury when they broke into a pharmacy in Yonezawa City. The burglars wanted to steal not cash but dangle-dollies of a drug company. Behind the crime, there is a phenomenon that such a dangle-dolly is traded at inflated price among manias.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、16 August 07

 

Two men in their thirties were arrested on suspicion of robbery resulting in bodily injury as they broke into a drug store in Yonezawa City. They aimed at stealing a drug company's dangle-dolly, not stealing the money. Behind the trend is the fact that such a dangle-dolly was traded with high prices among maniacs.

 

添削

 

Two men in their thirties were arrested on suspicion of robbery resulting in bodily injury as they broke into a drug store in Yonezawa City. They aimed at stealing a drug company's dangle-dolly mascot dolls produced by a pharmaceutical company2, not stealing the money. Behind the trend is the fact that1  Apparently, such mascot dolls are a dangle-dolly was traded with at high prices among maniacs.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが、(1)のthe trendの意味がわかりません。マスコット人形を盗むことが流行している、という意味かな、と考えることもできます。「背景には」は「このようなマスコット人形を盗むということが起きる背景には」でしょうから、apparently どうやら〜だ、という表現はどうでしょうか。

 

2.       dangle-dollyという表現もありますが、もっと一般的なa mascot dollがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Two men in their thirties were arrested on suspicion of robbery resulting in bodily injury as they broke into a drug store in Yonezawa City. They aimed at stealing mascot dolls produced by a pharmaceutical company, not money. Apparently, such mascot dolls are traded at high prices among maniacs.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(kappa 2004, 12 April 07

 

Two men of 30s years old in Gunma Prefecture were arrested on suspicion of burglary and assault for breaking in a drug store in Yonezawa City. The aim was not to get cash but to get mascot dolls of a medicine company. There was a background that the mascot dolls are dealt with a high price among maniacs.

 

添削

 

Two men of in their 30s years old in from Gunma Prefecture were arrested on suspicion of burglary and assault for breaking in a drug store in Yonezawa City. Their aim was not to get cash but to get mascot dolls of a medicine company. There wasThey went for the mascot dolls against a the background that1 the mascot2 dolls are commanded dealt with a high prices among maniacs.

 

コメント

 

1.       against the background of (that) ~という表現がありますが、They went for the mascot dolls because mascot dolls commanded high prices among maniacs.としたほうがわかりやすくて簡単でしょう。

 

2.       これは盗んだ特別のマスコット人形ではなく、マスコット人形一般を指します。

 

添削後の文章

 

Two men in their 30s from Gunma Prefecture were arrested on suspicion of burglary and assault for breaking in a drug store in Yonezawa City. Their aim was not to get cash but to get mascot dolls of a medicine company. They went for the mascot dolls against the background that mascot dolls commanded high prices among maniacs.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、21 October 05

 

Two offenders who were in their 30s from Gunma Prefecture were arrested on a charge of robbery resulting in bodily injury. They robbed into a drug store in Yonezawa City to steel not money but a mascot doll that was distributed by a pharmaceutical company. Behind the case is a boom of collecting mascot dolls which are traded in high prices among maniacs.

 

添削

 

Two offenders males1 who were in their 30s from Gunma Prefecture were arrested on a and charge with of2 robbery resulting in bodily injuryies. They robbed broke into a drug store in Yonezawa City to steel steal not money but a mascot dolls3, not cash, that was were distributed by a pharmaceutical company. Behind the case is a boom of collecting mascot dolls which are traded in at high prices among maniacs4.

 

コメント

 

1.       offendersというと前科の有る人にもとれるので、ここではmales でよいでしょう。

 

2.       逮捕の時にはまだ犯行は確定されていないので、窃盗の容疑で逮捕されたのなら、were arrested on suspicion of robberyになります。逮捕されてから起訴されたなら、were arrested and charged with robberyになります。

 

3.       マスコット人形を最初にしたほうが、何を盗んだかはっきりしてよいでしょう。

 

4.       ここはわかりやすい表現ですね。マニアですが、maniacsというとかなり何かに入れ込んでいる人を指すので、もしマスコット人形マニアがそういう人達なら適当な表現ですが、もしマスコット人形収集家ぐらいの意味なら、among collectorsが妥当でしょう。

 

添削後の文章 

 

Two males in their 30s from Gunma Prefecture were arrested and charged with robbery resulting in bodily injuries. They broke into a drug store in Yonezawa City to steal mascot dolls, not cash, that were distributed by a pharmaceutical company. Behind the case is a boom of collecting mascot dolls which are traded at high prices among maniacs.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、20 April 05

 

The two men in their thirties from Gunma Prefecture, who were arrested on charges of robbery resulting in injury after breaking into a drug store in Yonezawa City, did not want money but a mascot to represent a pharmaceutical company. As part of the reason for such incidents, there is a fact that these mascots are being traded at high prices among mascot maniacs.

 

添削

 

The two Two men in their thirties from Gunma Prefecture, who were arrested on charges of robbery resulting in injury after breaking into a drug store in Yonezawa City1., They did not want money cash2 but a mascots to represent distributed by a pharmaceutical company. As part of the reason for such incidents, there is a fact It appears3 that these mascots are being traded at high prices among mascot maniacs.

 

コメント

 

1.       ここで文を切るとよいでしょう。

 

2.       Moneyはお金一般を指すので、cash(現金)がよいでしょう。

 

3.       ここは簡単にIt appears that ~でよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Two men in their thirties from Gunma Prefecture were arrested on charges of robbery resulting in injury after breaking into a drug store in Yonezawa City. They did not want cash but mascots distributed by a pharmaceutical company. It appears that these mascots are being traded at high prices among mascot maniacs.

 

 

初級問題 176

 

一部の旅館・ホテルが水道水などを使いながら「温泉」と偽っていたとされる問題で、伊香保町は8月19日、全施設の浴槽を対象に実施した緊急実態調査の結果を公表した。温泉のある施設を含めて浴槽に水道水などを利用していた計二十五軒のうち、ほとんどの施設で「水道水」と明示していなかったことが分かった。

 

読者からの投稿 11(Buru, 25 June 16

 

For an issue that some inns and hotels at Igaho City used tap water to hot spring, Igaho City council revealed an emergency research report which was surveyed all accommodations the actual quality of bath water. The report showed that 25 of all accommodations including a facility with hot spring water had used tap water. Most of them didn’t indicate “tap water.”

 

添削

 

For an issue that some inns and hotels at Igaho City used tap water to for their hot springs, the Igaho City cCouncil released revealed an emergency research report, which was surveyed all inns and hotels1 accommodations for their actual qualityies of bath water. The report showed that 25 of them all accommodations including a facilitiesy with hot springs water had used tap water. Most of them didn’t indicate that their hot springs uded2 “tap water.”

 

コメント

 

内容が推測できます。

 

1.       文章に既出の名称を使います。こうすると両者が同じ物をさしていることが明確になります。

 

2.       このようにすると内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

For an issue that some inns and hotels at Igaho City used tap water for their hot springs, the Igaho City Council released an emergency research report, which surveyed all inns and hotels for their actual qualities of bath water. The report showed that 25 of them including  facilities with hot springs had used tap water. Most of them didn’t indicate that their hot springs uded “tap water.”

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 4 May 13

 

In the matter that some inns and hotels had given false water as natural hot spring, Ikaho Town announced the report of immediate research about investigation into the actual conditions for bath-tubs of all hot springs facilities on August 19. According to the report, we knew that almost of 25 facilities, using water and natural hot springs, didn't display 'water'.

 

添削

 

In the matter that some inns and hotels had used given false tap water for as natural hot springs, Ikaho Town released announced a the report of immediate research about the investigation into the actual water conditions  used for the bath-tubs of all hot springs facilities in the town on August 19. According to the report, we knew that almost all of 25 facilities, using tap water for their and natural hot springs, didn't display a note saying 'tap water'.

 

コメント

 

大体の内容はわかりますが、最後の文のAccording to the report, we knew that almost of 25 facilities, using water and natural hot springs, didn't display 'water'waterhot springs の関係がわかりません。

 

添削後の文章

 

In the matter that some inns and hotels had used tap water for natural hot springs, Ikaho Town released a report of immediate research about the investigation into the actual water  used for the bath-tubs of all hot springs facilities in the town on August 19. According to the report, almost all of 25 facilities using tap water for their hot springs didn't display a note saying 'tap water'.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(OKEN, 24 March 13

 

Some Japanese inns and hotels allegedly disguised baths with tap water as “Onsen (spring)”. Under the situation, Ikaho Town unveiled results of the urgent survey covering all the facilities’ baths on August 19. They revealed that most facilities out of 25 ones which used tap water in their baths didn’t post a notice that they used tap water in their bath

 

添削

 

it was discovered that Ssome Japanese inns and hotels allegedly disguised their baths filled with tap water as “Onsen (hot springs)” in Ikaho Town. To respond to Under the situation, Ikaho Town unveiled the results of its the urgent survey covering all the facilities’ baths of the inns and hotels2 in the town on August 19. They revealed that most facilities out of 25 inns and hotels ones which used tap water in their baths didn’t post a notice that they used tap water in their baths.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       何処の温泉の話なのか最初の文に入れると読者に親切です。

 

2.       inns and hotelsとしたほうが対象がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

it was discovered that some Japanese inns and hotels allegedly disguised their baths filled with tap water as “Onsen (hot springs)” in Ikaho Town. To respond to the situation, Ikaho Town unveiled the results of its urgent survey covering all baths of the inns and hotels in the town on August 19. They revealed that most of 25 inns and hotels which used tap water in their baths didn’t post a notice that they used tap water in their baths.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(かい、18 May 11

 

On August 19, Ikaho Town in Gunma Prefecture announced the result of an urgent survey about a current situation of all facility's bath tubs on the subject of the problem that some Japanese-style inns and hotels advertised as “hot spring” despite they used tap water in effect . The result showed that most of 25 facilities including those with hot spring that use tap water didn't explain that hot water of the bath is tap water in practice.

 

添削

 

On August 19, Ikaho Town in Gunma Prefecture announced the results of an urgent survey of water used at hot spring facilities in the town about a current situation of all facility's bath tubs  in relation with the current on the subject of the problem that some Japanese-style inns and hotels advertised themselves as “hot springs” despite that they used tap water for their hot spring facilities2 in effect . The result survey showed that most of the 25 facilities including those with hot spring that used tap water for their hot spring facilities didn't explain that the hot water for of their facilities bath is was in fact tap water in practice.

 

コメント

 

すこし説明がややこしいところがありますが、内容はすべてわかります。

 

1.       「全施設の浴槽を対象に」とありますが、an urgent survey about a current situation of all facility's bath tubsとするとモノとしての「浴槽」の調査ともとれるので、日本文の内容をとって、添削のように「お湯」の調査とするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       温泉施設は野天風呂、大浴場など、いろいろあるのでtubsではなくhot spring facilitiesとするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On August 19, Ikaho Town in Gunma Prefecture announced the results of an urgent survey of water used at hot spring facilities in the town in relation with the current problem that some Japanese-style inns and hotels advertised themselves as “hot springs” despite that they used tap water for their hot spring facilities. The survey showed that most of the 25 facilities including those that used tap water for their hot spring facilities didn't explain that the hot water for their facilities was in fact tap water.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 19 February 10

 

In conjunction with an allegation that some hotels and inns of Ikaho town, Gunma Prefecture, faked their baths as a natural hot spring, the town released on August 19 the result of its urgent fact-finding survey on all the bathing facilities in the town. It was found that almost none of the 25 facilities, including those with a hot spring, did carry a sign clearly showing that they were using city water for their baths whereas they were so doing.

 

添削

 

In conjunction with an allegation that some hotels and inns of in the Town of Ikaho1 town, Gunma Prefecture, faked the water for their baths as water form a natural hot springs2, the tTown Council released on August 19 the results of its urgent fact-finding survey on all the bathing facilities in the town. It was found that almost none of the 25 facilities, including those with a hot spring facilities, did carry a sign clearly showing that they were using the city water for their baths whereas they were so doing.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       the Town of Ikahoと町名を表現して、the Town Councilで町役場を表現するとよいでしょう。

 

2.       温泉はhot springsと複数で表現することが多いです。旅館などの温泉施設が一見だけでもHossi Hot Springsと複数形に表現します。さて、さて旅館の浴場をa hot springと言うかどうかが問題ですが、この問題の文脈では「温泉の湯」が問題になっているので、添削のようにするとはっきりするでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

In conjunction with an allegation that some hotels and inns in the Town of Ikaho, Gunma Prefecture, faked the water for their baths as water form natural hot springs, the Town Council released on August 19 the results of its urgent fact-finding survey on all the bathing facilities in the town. It was found that almost none of the 25 facilities, including those with  hot spring facilities, did carry a sign clearly showing that they were using the city water for their baths whereas they were so doing.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 1 Sept 08

 

After the fact was reported that some of inns and hotels had deceived people into believing tap water to be thermal water, the Town of Ikaho announced the results of an impromptu survey on the actual conditions of the bath in all the accommodations in the town on August 19. It turned out that most of all the twenty-five accommodations in the town, which had used tap water for their bath including hot springs hadn't explicitly put up a notice "tap water".

 

添削

 

After the it was revealed fact was reported that some of inns and hotels at Ikaho Hot Springs had used deceived people into believing tap water for their hot spring baths to be thermal water1, the Town of Ikaho announced the results of an impromptu survey on the actual conditions of the baths in all the accommodations in the town on August 19. It turned out that most of all the twenty-five accommodations in the town, which had used tap water for their baths including those called hot springs, hadn't explicitly put up a notice saying that the water used was "tap water".

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

どうも「温泉」の規則が難しそうですね。ここでは一番簡単に水道水を「温泉浴場」に使用した、としてみました。

 

添削後の文章

 

After it was revealed that some of inns and hotels at Ikaho Hot Springs had used tap water for their hot spring baths, the Town of Ikaho announced the results of an impromptu survey on the actual conditions of the baths in all the accommodations in the town on August 19. It turned out that most of all twenty-five accommodations in the town, which had used tap water for their baths including those called hot springs, hadn't explicitly put up a notice saying that the water used was tap water.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、31 August 07

 

On August 19th, the Ikahomachi reported the result of the urgent investigation of bath systems of all the facilities in the Ikahomachi , because it was very serious problem that some of inns or hotels in Ikahomachi disguised tap water as hot springs. The report showed that twenty-five facilities used not hot springs but tap water for bath but most of them did not indicate the use of tap water.

 

添削

 

On August 19th, the Ikahomachi Town of Ikaho reported the results of an the urgent investigation of hot spring bath systems of all the facilities in the town Ikahomachi , because it was very serious problems were found2 that some of inns or and hotels in the town Ikahomachi disguised tap water as hot springs water. The report showed that twenty-five facilities used not hot springs but tap water for their bath but most of them did not indicate the use of tap water1.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが、英文だけを読むとthe ikahomachiが何者なのかわかりません。the Town of Ikahoとするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       because serious problems were found that ~とすると、問題が発覚したので調査した、という因果関係がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

On August 19th, the Town of Ikaho reported the results of an urgent investigation of hot spring facilities in the town because serious problems were found that some of inns and hotels in the town disguised tap water as hot spring water. The report showed that twenty-five facilities used tap water for their bath but most of them did not indicate the use of tap water.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、16 August 07

 

Although a part of inns and hotels in Ikaho Town use running water at their hot spring facility, they faked running water as hot spring water. As to this problem, Ikaho Town carried out a urgent actual condition survey for the baths in all hot spring facilities and announced its results on August 19. The survey showed that there were a total of 25 inns and hotels which had a hot spring facility and used running water in their baths. Most of them did not express the use of "running water" at their facility.

 

添削

 

Although some a part of inns and hotels in Ikaho Town used running water at their hot spring facility, they faked running water as hot spring water. As to this problem, Ikaho Town carried out an urgent actual condition survey for of the baths in all hot spring facilities in the town and announced its results on August 19. The survey showed that there were a total of 25 inns and hotels (including those that advertised a “natural hot spring” facility)2 that which had a hot spring facility and used running water in their baths for their bath. Most of them did not express carry a sign3 indicating that their bath the used of "heated running water." at their facility1.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

2.       「伊香保温泉」には温泉設備のある温泉旅館と普通の浴槽のある旅館があるようです。

 

3.       温泉旅館の規則に水道水を使用するときにはその旨を風呂場に明示するとあるようです。

 

添削後の文章

 

Although some inns and hotels in Ikaho Town used running water at their hot spring facility, they faked running water as hot spring water. Ikaho Town carried out an urgent survey of  all hot spring facilities in the town and announced its results on August 19. The survey showed that there were a total of 25 inns and hotels (including those that advertised a “natural hot spring” facility) that used running water for their bath. Most of them did not carry a sign indicating that their bath used heated running water.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(kappa 2004, 13 April 07

 

On August 19 Ikaho Cho announced the results of an emergency fact finding survey conducted for baths in all the facilities in Ikaho. The problem was that some hotels and inns pretended to use “hot spring” in spite of using water from tap water. Among all 25 facilities which used tape water for the bath, most facilities including those having hot spring do not clearly indicate that they were using tap water for the bath.

 

添削

 

On August 19 the Town of Ikaho Cho announced the results of an emergency fact finding survey conducted for baths in all the facilities in Ikahot the town. This was to clarify1 Tthe problem was that some hotels and inns pretended to use the water from hot springs for their “hot spring” baths2 in spite of using water from  tap water. Among all 25 facilities which used tape  tap water for their baths, most facilities including those having hot springs3 do did not clearly indicate that they were using tap water for their baths.

 

コメント

 

1.       添削のようにすると前の文の内容とよくつながるでしょう。

 

2.       「温泉」はなかなかその基準が複雑のようですね。ここでは添削のように説明してみました。温泉は一般的にhot springsと複数形にします。

 

3.       「温泉のある施設を含めて」というのがどういうことかはっきりわかりませんが、多分、伊香保にあるいろいろな施設で、温泉からの湯を使う浴槽を持つ施設には「〜温泉旅館」と「温泉」であることを強調する施設と「〜保養施設」などと「温泉」を名称に使わないところがあるということなのでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On August 19 the Town of Ikaho announced the results of an emergency fact finding survey conducted for baths in all the facilities in t the town. This was to clarify the problem that some hotels and inns pretended to use the water from hot springs for their “hot spring” baths in spite of using tap water. Among all 25 facilities which used tap water for their baths, most facilities including those having “hot springs” did not clearly indicate that they were using tap water for their baths.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(さくら、27 October 05

 

Related with the fraud actions that a part of hotels and Japanese style inns used the running water deceiving as the “Onsen (hot spring water)”, Ikaho Town announced on August 19 the result of an urgent inquiry to all hotels and inns in the town. According to the announcement, most of 25 “Onsen” facilities of the town used the running water but didn’t present it as "running water" in the Onsen component notifications.

 

添削

 

Related with the fraud actions After a scandal was exposed1 that a part of some hotels and Japanese style inns was using2 used the running water deceiving disguised3 as the “Onsen (hot spring water)”, Ikaho Town announced on August 19 the results of an urgent inquiry into the matter4 for all hotels and inns in the town. According to the announcement, most of 25 “Onsen” facilities of in the town used the running water but didn’t did not explicitly present it as the "running water" in the Onsen component notifications5.

 

コメント

 

1.       長い修飾節なのでAfter a scandal was exposed that ~と文の後半との関係をはっきりさせるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       過去進行形にすると内容が強調されます。

 

3.       deceiveは他動詞なので、was using the running water, deceiving customers as the hot spring waterという形になります。

 

4.       make an inquiry into the incidentのような形で使います。下線部分は「問題」になります。

 

5.       日本文にはどこに明示しなければいけなかった書いてありませんが、in the Onsen component notificationと英文には入れてありますね。そういえば温泉の更衣室の壁にこのようなものが貼ってありますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

After a scandal was exposed that some hotels and Japanese style inns was using the running water disguised as the “Onsen (hot spring water)”, Ikaho Town announced on August 19 the results of an urgent inquiry into the matter for all hotels and inns in the town. According to the announcement, most of 25 “Onsen” facilities in the town used the running water but did not explicitly present it as the running water in the Onsen component notification.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、10 May 05

 

Ikaho Town announced on August 19 the result of an urgent survey of the status quo of the bath at all the hotels and inns in the town. The survey was done in connection with the incident in which some hotels and inns had intentionally been using tap water for their baths disguised as "hot spring." It was found that most of the 25 hotels and inns, including those with hot spring facilities, which had been using tap water for their baths did not mention "tap water."

 

添削

 

Ikaho Town announced on August 19 the result of an urgent survey of the status quo1 of the bathing facilities2 at all the hotels and inns in the town. The survey was done in connection with the an incident in which that some hotels and inns had been intentionally been using tap water for their baths disguised as "hot spring water3." It was found that most of the 25 hotels and inns, including those with hot spring facilities, which had been using tap water for their baths4 did not explicitly mention that they were using "tap water."

 

コメント

 

マウント60さんは一見複雑に見える日本文の内容をよく整理して英文で表現しています。この「一見複雑に見える」原因は日本文の続き方にあります。「〜偽っていたとされる問題、伊香保町は〜」と「で」で前後の文が続いています。これは「〜偽った問題があった(発覚した)。そのために伊香保町は〜」という二つの文を短くつなぐ日本文のテクニックです。日本文の構造を保持して、As a result of the incident that ~, Ikaho Town conducted an emergency survey of ~.とすることも出来ますが、プレイン・イングリッシュでは内容をわかりやすく表現するために一つ一つの文は短いほうがよいので、日本文の内容を二つに分けて表現し、文と文の関係は接続詞、句などを入れて明らかにします。マウント60さんはThe survey was done in conjunction with an incident that ~.というように、この内容の関連を説明しています。

 

1.       status quoは「そのままの現状」という意味ですから、ここでは単にthe status of ~でよいです。Nobody wanted to change the status quo in the balance of power in Asia.などと使います。

 

2.       the bathing facilitiesと一般化したほうがよいでしょう。

 

3.       hot springは「温泉というもの」なのでtap waterと対比させてhot spring water またはthe water from hot springsとします。

 

4.       添削のようにすると内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Ikaho Town announced on August 19 the result of an urgent survey of the status of the bathing facilities at all the hotels and inns in the town. The survey was done in connection with an incident that some hotels and inns had been intentionally using tap water for their baths disguised as "hot spring water." It was found that most of the 25 hotels and inns, including those with hot spring facilities, did not explicitly mention that they were using "tap water."

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NOMU19 October 04

 

Ikaho town released the result of the fact-finding survey on its all hot spring facilities on August 19th. The survey was conducted due to the scandal that some of inns and hotels in the town allegedly mislabeled tap water as natural hot spring water. According to the result, as many as 25 facilities used tap water in their bathtab but few of them specified that they did.

 

添削

 

Ikaho town The Town of Ikaho1 released the result of the fact-finding an impromptu2 survey on of its all hot spring facilities in the town on August 19th. The survey was conducted due to the a scandal that some of inns and hotels in the town allegedly mislabeled tap water as natural hot spring water3. According to the result, The survey found that4 as many as 25 facilities used tap water in for their bath tabs but few of them specified specifically mentioned that they did.

 

コメント

 

1.       The Town of Ikahoとすると「伊香保町町役場(古い言葉ですね、今はなんと言うのでしょう)」の意味がはっきりします。

 

2.       あまり使わない言葉ですが、このような場合にはぴったりです。

 

3.       「旅館・ホテルが水道水などを使いながら「温泉」と偽っていた。」の英文表現がてきせつですね。allegedlyは「真偽のほどはまだわからないが、伝えられるところでは」という意味で、新聞報道に良く使われていますね。

 

4.       They found that ~とするほうが、内容が強調されます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Town of Ikaho released the result of an impromptu survey of all hot spring facilities in the town on August 19th. The survey was conducted due to a scandal that some of inns and hotels in the town allegedly mislabeled tap water as natural hot spring water The survey found that as many as 25 facilities used tap water for their bath tabs but few of them specifically mentioned that they did.

 

 

 

初級問題 177

 

山梨県内の市町村や消防本部にスズメバチの巣の駆除依頼や相談が例年以上に数多く寄せられ、職員が対応に追われている。甲府市の7月の駆除件数は、昨年同月の約2倍の50件に上り、駆除担当者が連日出動する状態。専門家は「高温少雨の天候で巣づくりが活発になったため」と分析。

 

読者からの投稿 11(Buru, 25 June 16

 

In this year, there are many queries about the removal of hornet’s nests from citizen to municipal offices and the head quarter of fire stations in Yamanashi Prefecture. The number of queries has exceeded normal years already. So, the staffs are hectic because they have been followed each issue. For example in Kofu City, staffs, in-charge removal nests, are working somewhere in the city every day. The number of removed nest has risen 50 cases. It is twice as many as last July. A specialist analyzed this situation that hornets increased their activation because the weather of this year is high temperature and less rain.

 

添削

 

In tThis year, there are many queries about the removal of hornets nests in Yamanashi Prefecture1 from citizen to municipal offices and the head quarter of fire stations in Yamanashi Prefecture. The number of queries has already exceeded normal years already. So, the staffs2 have been are hectic because they have to respond to each query have been followed each issue. For example, in Kofu City, the staffs, in- charge of the removal of nests , have been are working somewhere in the city every day. The number of removed nests removed has reached risen 50 cases. It is twice as many as last July. A specialist analyzed this situation that hornets increased their activities activation because it has been hotter and drier than normal years the weather of this year is high temperature and less rain3.

 

コメント

 

内容が推測できます。

 

1.       何処の出来事かを文の前の方に入れると、内容がより具体的になります。

 

2.       The staffは集合名詞です。

 

3.       The weather is high temperature.という表現はありません。 It is hot. It is rainy.というように表現します。

 

添削後の文章

 

This year, there are many queries about the removal of hornets’ nests in Yamanashi Prefecture from citizen to municipal offices and the head quarter of fire stations. The number of queries has already exceeded normal years. So, the staff have been hectic because they have to respond to each query. For example, in Kofu City, the staff in charge of the removal of nests have been working somewhere in the city every day. The number of nests removed has reached 50. It is twice as many as last July. A specialist analyzed this situation that hornets increased their activities because it has been hotter and drier than normal years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 4 May 13

 

Yamanashi Prefectual staffs of public offices and firestations are struggling for correspond to offering by people. They ask staffs to exterminate wasp's nests, more frequently rather than usual. Kofu City has exterminated nests for 50 times, about twice as last year's July. Corresponds are sent everyday. A specialist says that because it's warm and less rainy, wasps are active for nesting.

 

添削

 

Yamanashi Prefectual staffs of The municipal public offices and fire stations in Yamanashi Prefecture are struggling with requests from for correspond to offering by people. They ask staffs to exterminate wasp's nests1., They are receiving requests more frequently rather than usual. Kofu City has exterminated fifty nests for 50 times, about twice as large as last year's July last year. They are sending staff to exterminate nests almost Corresponds are sent everyday. A specialist says that because the it's warm and dry weather less rainy, wasps are very active for nesting this year.

 

コメント

 

大体の内容はわかりますが、分かり難いところがあります。

 

1.       最初の文でどのような市民の要請があるのかを入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The municipal offices and fire stations in Yamanashi Prefecture are struggling with requests from people to exterminate wasps’ nests. They are receiving requests more frequently  than usual. Kofu City has exterminated fifty nests, about twice as large as July last year. They are sending staff to exterminate nests almost everyday. A specialist says that because the warm and dry weather, wasps are very active for nesting this year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(OKEN, 4 July 12

 

More and more residents have been requesting local governments or firefighting headquarters in Yamanashi Prefecture to remove hornet’s nests or give advices about them than usual years. So, the staff are very busy working on the residents’ requests. In Kohu City, the number of removals of the nests in July has reached fifty, which is twice as many as that of the same month in last year. Due to this situation, the staff in charge of removal have to go out every day. Experts have analyzed this situation that high temperatures and little rain have stimulated nesting of hornets.

 

添削

 

More and more residents have been requesting local governments or fire halls firefighting headquarters in Yamanashi Prefecture to remove hornet’s nests or give advices about them than usual years. So, the staff are very busy working on the residents’ requests. In Kohu City, the number of removals of the nests in July has reached fifty, which is was twice as many as that of the same month in last year. Due to this situation, tThe staff in charge of nest removal have to go out every day. Experts say have analyzed this situation that high temperatures and little rain this year have stimulated nesting of hornets.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

More and more residents have been requesting local governments or fire halls in Yamanashi Prefecture to remove hornet’s nests or give advices about them than usual years. So, the staff are very busy working on the residents’ requests. In Kohu City, the number of removals of the nests in July has reached fifty, which was twice as many as that of the same month  last year. The staff in charge of nest removal have to go out every day. Experts say that high temperatures and little rain this year have stimulated nesting of hornets.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(かい、18 May 11

 

Local governments and fire fighting head offices in Yamanashi Prefecture receive more requests and advisements for removal of hornet’s nests than usual years, therefore those staffs are busy in handling matters. The number of removal in July in Kofu City reached 50 ,which was about twice times as much as the same month last year, so staffs have to go to work every day without holiday. An expert thinks that that situation was occurred by hornet’s building nests actively because of high temperature and low rainfall in weather.

 

添削

 

Local governments and fire halls fighting head offices in Yamanashi Prefecture are receiveing1 more requests and advisements for the removal of hornet’s nests than usual years, and have been therefore those staffs are busy in handling these requests matters. The number of hornet’s nests removaled in July in Kofu City reached 50 ,which was about twice times as much many as the same month last year., sSo the staffs in charge have to go to work every day without holidays. An expert thinks that that situation was occurred by hornets2 have been building their nests actively because of the high temperature and low rainfall this year in weather.

 

コメント

 

最後の文の内容がすこし分かり難いですが、文章全体の内容はわかります。

 

1.       現在進行形にすると「現実感」が生じます。

 

2.       hornetsを主語にするとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Local governments and fire halls in Yamanashi Prefecture are receiving more requests for the removal of hornet’s nests than usual years and have been busy in handling these requests. The number of hornet’s nests removed in July in Kofu City reached 50, which was about twice as many as the same month last year. So the staff in charge have to go to work every day without holidays. An expert thinks that that hornets have been building their nests actively because of the high temperature and low rainfall this year .

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 21 February 10

 

Staff members of municipalities and fire offices in Yamanashi Prefecture have been awfully busy coping with rushing requests or consultations from citizens on the removal of hornets’ nest. In July alone, City of Kofu dealt with 50 cases of the nest removals, twice as many as it did in the same month last year, and had to send its persons in charge out to the sites day in and day out. Experts say hot and dry weather this year has caused the hornets to step up their nest building.

 

添削

 

Staff members of municipalities municipal governments and fire offices in Yamanashi Prefecture have been awfully busy coping with rushing requests or consultations from citizens on the removal of hornets’ nest1. In July alone, the City of Kofu dealt with 50 cases of the nest removals, twice as many as it did in the same month last year, and had to send its persons in charge out to the sites day in and day out. Experts say the hot and dry weather this year has caused the hornets to step up their nest building.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       the removal of hornets’ nestsを文章の前の方に置くとよいでしょう。have been busy removing hornets’ nests. Every day they receive rushing requests…というようにも表現できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Staff members of municipal governments and fire offices in Yamanashi Prefecture have been awfully busy coping with rushing requests or consultations from citizens on the removal of hornets’ nest. In July alone, the City of Kofu dealt with 50 cases of nest removals, twice as many as it did in the same month last year, and had to send its persons in charge out to the sites day in and day out. Experts say the hot and dry weather this year has caused hornets to step up their nest building.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 4 Sept 08

 

Far more requests and inquiries on extermination of wasps' nests have been rushing in the municipalities and fire stations in Yamanashi Prefecture this year than the past years and municipal officials have been busy dealing with them. The number of the extermination in July in Kofu City has amounted to fifty cases about twice as many as the same month last year and municipal officials in charge of extermination have been going out every day. The experts analyzed the situation and came to a conclusion that wasps were active in making their nests due to the weather of high temperature and less rain.

 

添削

 

Far more requests and inquiries than the past years on the extermination of wasps' nests have been rushing into the municipalities and fire stations in Yamanashi Prefecture this year than the past years and municipal officials have been busy dealing with them. The number of the exterminations in July in Kofu City alone has amounted to fifty cases, about twice as many as the same month last year, and municipal officials in charge of extermination have been going out every day. The eExperts1 say analyzed the situation and came to a conclusion that wasps have been were active in making their nests due to the weather of high temperatures and less little rain.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       特に専門家の意見を聞く、という状況では内容なのでExperts say that ~.と軽く表現してよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Far more requests and inquiries than the past years on the extermination of wasps' nests have been rushing into the municipalities and fire stations in Yamanashi Prefecture this year  and municipal officials have been busy dealing with them. The number of exterminations in July in Kofu City alone has amounted to fifty cases, about twice as many as the same month last year, and municipal officials in charge of extermination have been going out every day. Experts say that wasps have been active in making their nests due to the weather of high temperatures and little rain.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、29 August 07

 

There are more requests and consultations for removing a nest of a hornet than usual year to municipalities or fire headquarters in the Yamanashi Prefecture. As a result, the staffs of them is extremely busy for dealing with the requests and consultations. The staffs who exterminate the nest work everyday without rest, because the number of extermination of the nest of a hornet on July in Kofu City increases by about twice than the same month last year to fifty cases. A specialist says the increasing number of the hornet's nest attributed to the weather of high temperature small rain.

 

添削

 

Municipal offices and fire halls2 in Yamanashi Prefecture are receiving There are more requests and consultations for removing a hornets’ nests of a hornet this year than usual year to municipalities or fire headquarters in the Yamanashi Prefecture. In Kofu City, there were fifty requests in July, twice as many requests as the same month last year3. As a result, their staffs of them is are extremely busy for dealing with the requests and consultations. The staffs in charge of who exterminateing the nests work everyday without rest, because the number of extermination of the nest of a hornet on July in Kofu City increases by about twice than the same month last year to fifty cases. A sSpecialists says that the increasing large number of the hornets's nests could be attributed to the hot and dry weather that made hornets more active than usual year4 of high temperature small rain1.

 

添削

 

1.       英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、A specialist says the increasing number of the hornet's nest attributed to the weather of high temperature small rain.の内容がよくわかりません。

 

2.       主語を市町村にすると文の構造が簡単になります。一般的に言って、There is/are ~.は弱い表現になります。

 

3.       この内容は文章のここに入れると、次の文との関連がよくなります。a sentence, because ~.というように原因が後に来る文よりも、先ず原因を述べ、次に結果をのべたほうがわかりやすいです。

 

4.       このような説明を付け加えるとよいでしょう。日本文に欠けているところは英文で補ってください。

 

添削後の文章

 

Municipal offices and fire halls in Yamanashi Prefecture are receiving more requests and consultations for removing hornets’ nests this year than usual year. In Kofu City, there were fifty requests in July, twice as many requests as the same month last year. As a result, their staff are extremely busy dealing with the requests and consultations. The staff in charge of  exterminating the nests work everyday without rest. Specialists say that the large number of  hornets' nests could be attributed to the hot and dry weather that made hornets more active than usual year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、17 August 07

 

Cities, towns, villages or fire headquarters in Yamanashi Prefecture had requests or consultations to get rid of nests of yellow jacket more than usual year. Employees are preoccupied with responses to people's requests. The number of extermination in July by Kofu City was about twice more than in the same month last year and amounted to 50. Persons in charge for extermination went out to get rid of nests every day. A expert analyzed that yellow jacket actively made nests due to hot and dry weather.

 

添削

 

Cities, towns, villages or and2 fire halls headquarters in Yamanashi Prefecture are receiving had  more requests or consultations to get rid of wasp nests of yellow jacket more than a usual year. Employees of the municipal offices are busy preoccupied3 with responsesding  to people's these requests. The number of wasp nests destroyed by extermination in July by Kofu City in July was about twice as large as more than in the same month last year and amounted to 50. Persons in charge for extermination went have to go out every day to get rid of wasp nests every day. A eExperts analyzed that wasps are making yellow jacket more nests this year than a usual year because high temperatures and little rain has made the environment favourable for their activity actively made nests due to hot and dry weather1.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、わからないところがあります。(1)の下線部分は構文は良いのですが内容がわかりません。添削のように少し詳しく説明するとよいでしょう。

 

2.       cities, towns, villages, fire hallsの皆が依頼を受けているので、andになります。

 

3.       be preoccupied by AAに心を奪われる、ということなので、役場の職員は市民のことを深く心配していて、どうやったら市民の要請に答えられるかで心が一杯だ、という意味になります。確かにこのような公務員がいて欲しいのですが、ここでは簡単にare busy responding to ~のほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Cities, towns, villages and fire halls in Yamanashi Prefecture are receiving more requests to get rid of wasp nests than a usual year. Employees of the municipal offices are busy responding to these requests. The number of wasp nests destroyed by by Kofu City in July was about twice as large as the same month last year and amounted to 50. Persons in charge for extermination have to go out every day to get rid of wasp nests. Experts analyze that wasps are making more nests this year than a usual year because high temperatures and little rain has made the environment favourable for their activity.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(kappa 2004, 13 April 07

 

Extraordinary numbers of requests and consultations to exterminate wasp nests were brought to town offices or fire stations in Yamanashi Prefecture. It was more than those of normal year. The staffs are busy to response. The number in July in Kofu City was 50 doubled of those of the same in last year. The staff in charge of extermination went to work every day. An expert analyzes the cause that nesting was active due to the weather of high temperature and little rain.

 

添削

 

An Eextraordinary numbers1 of requests and consultations to exterminate wasp nests were are being brought to town offices or fire stations in Yamanashi Prefecture. It was is more than those of normal years. The staffs are have been2 busy to respondse to these requests. The number of requests in July in Kofu City was 50, doubleding  that of those of the same month in last year. The staff in charge of extermination went have to go out work every day. An expert analyzes the cause3 that nesting was has been particularly active this year due to the weather of high temperatures and little rain.

 

コメント

 

1.       三番目の文にthe numberとあるので、ここも単数で全体の総和を示すようにするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       「ずっと忙しい」とすると内容が強調できます。

 

3.       analyzeにこのような内容があるので省略できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

An extraordinary number of requests and consultations to exterminate wasp nests are being brought to town offices or fire stations in Yamanashi Prefecture. It is more than those of normal years. The staff have been busy to respond to these requests. The number of requests in July in Kofu City was 50, doubling that of the same month last year. The staff in charge of extermination have to go out every day. An expert analyzes that nesting has been particularly active this year due to the weather of high temperatures and little rain.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、4 November 05

 

The municipal offices and fire departments in Yamanashi Prefecture have been receiving more requests to remove hornet combs this year than usual years and the staff is busy to deal with them. In Kofu City, as many as 50 combs were removed in a month of July, twice the number of the same month last year. The staff is obliged to run around every day.  According to the specialist, a reason of this phenomenon is that the hornet makes the combs very actively because of the higher temperature and less rainfall of this year.

 

添削

 

The municipal offices and fire departments in Yamanashi Prefecture have been receiving more requests to remove hornet combs this year than usual years and the staff is are1busy to deal dealing with them. In Kofu City, as many as 50 combs were removed in a month of2 July, twice the number of in the same month last year. The staff is are obliged to run around every day. According to the specialists, a the3 reason of for this phenomenon is that the hornet makes the combs very actively because of the higher temperature and less rainfalls of this year4.

 

コメント

 

1.       staffはある組織で働く職員全員を指す複合名詞で、これを受ける動詞は単数形、複数形のどちらでも良いですが、通常は複数形を使います。では職員の一人を指す場合はどうしたらよいでしょうか。She is working as a member of hospital staff in Yokohama. のようにa member of staffとします。

 

2.       「7月の一月だけでも」と強調する場合でもin July aloneでよいでしょう。in Julyで「ひと月」の意味が入っています。

 

3.       aですと「他にも理由はあるが、その一つとして」の意味になります。この文章では他に理由は無いようなので、theがよいでしょう。

 

4.       日本文では「「高温少雨の天候で巣づくりが活発になったため」と直接引用にして、この文章の記者の意見ではなく、専門家の意見ということを強調しています。引用が短いので、英文ではさくらさんのように間接引用でよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The municipal offices and fire departments in Yamanashi Prefecture have been receiving more requests to remove hornet combs this year than usual years and the staff are busy  dealing with them. In Kofu City, as many as 50 combs were removed in July, twice the number in the same month last year. The staff are obliged to run around every day. According to specialists, the reason for this phenomenon is that the hornet makes the combs very actively because of the higher temperature and less rainfalls this year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、12 May 05

 

Cities, towns and fire department headquarters in Yamanashi Prefecture received more requests and inquiries than usual about getting rid of hornets' nests. Staff members are therefore busy dealing with them. The number of hornets' nests exterminated in Kofu City in July was 50, which was about twice as many as that of the same month last year. The staff members in charge of the extermination are forced to work every day without taking any day off. Analysis by experts showed that high temperature and little rain caused hornets to make their nests as actively as ever.

 

添削

 

This year, Ccities, towns and fire department headquarters in Yamanashi Prefecture are receiving1 received more requests and inquiries than usual about getting rid of hornets' nests. Staff members are therefore have been extremely busy dealing with them. The number of hornets' nests exterminated in Kofu City in July was 50, which was about twice as many as that of the same month last year. The staff members in charge of the extermination are being forced to work every day without taking any day off. Analysis by experts showed Experts say2 that high temperatures and little rain have helped caused hornets to make their more nests as actively as ever this year.

 

コメント

 

日本文の内容を上手に区切って英文で表現していますね。

 

1.       この記事が書かれた時はまだスズメバチの活動が盛んだったので、現在進行形がよいでしょう。

 

2.       簡単にExperts say that ~ helped hornets to make more nests this year.でよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

This year, cities, towns and fire department headquarters in Yamanashi Prefecture are receiving more requests and inquiries than usual about getting rid of hornets' nests. Staff members have been extremely busy dealing with them. The number of hornets' nests exterminated in Kofu City in July was 50, which was about twice as many as that of the same month last year. The staff members in charge of the extermination are being forced to work every day without taking any day off. Experts say that high temperatures and little rain have helped hornets to make more nests this year.

 

 

初級問題 178

 

香川県さぬき市民病院は、病院のホームページでお見舞いのメールを受け付け、入院患者に届けるサービスをスタートさせた。無料のうえ、遠方からでも手軽に心のこもったメッセージが送れるのが特徴。

 

読者からの投稿 10(Buru, 25 June 16

 

The Sanuki Civilian Hospital of Kagawa Prefecture has started a new service for their hospitalized patients to deliver a get-well card which can send from the hospital web site. This service has some feature points. It is free of charge and also easy to send a cordial mail from far.

 

添削

 

The Sanuki Civilian Hospital of Kagawa Prefecture has started a new service for their hospitalized patients. The hospital receives to deliver a get-well card on which can send from the hospital web site and delivers it to a patient. This service has some wonderful features points. It is free of charge and also anyone easy to can send a cordial mail from a faraway place.

 

コメント

 

おおよその内容は推測できますが、細かなところがわかりません。to deliver a get-well card which can send from the hospital web siteのところがわかりません。添削のように新しい文にするとよいでしょう。そして、事柄の順番を追って、病院は先ず電子メールを受け取り、次にそれを患者に配達する、とします。

 

 

1.       It is free of charge and also easy to send a cordial mail from far.の文の後半がわかりません。It is easy to send a cordial mail from far. となりますが、このitは前の文のthis serviceですから、This service is easy to send a cordial mail from far.という文にはなりません。It is easy to use to send mail to a patient in the hospital form far away.という形にするか、または添削のようにします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Sanuki Civilian Hospital of Kagawa Prefecture has started a new service for their hospitalized patients. The hospital receives a get-well card on the hospital web site and delivers it to a patient. This service has some wonderful features. It is free of charge and  anyone can send a cordial mail from a faraway place.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Valley winds, 5 May 13

 

Sanuki City Hospital in Kagawa Prefecture started a service that they receive get well e-mails on the hospital's homepage and deliver the patients. This service have an advantage that it's free and able to e-mail from far a heartful message easily.

 

添削

 

The Sanuki City Hospital in Kagawa Prefecture started a service that the hospital1 they receives get well e-mails2 on the its hospital's homepage and delivers them to its the patients. This service has have an advantage over regular mail that it's free and enables3 people to e-mail from far a heartful warm messages easily to the patients from far away.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてが推測できます。

 

1.       病院に働く人の意味でtheyとすることもありますが、ここではthe hospital としたほうが意味がはっきりします。

 

2.       e-mailは複合名詞で常に複数をいみしますから、e-mailssをつけた複数形はありません、でしたが、最近は可算名詞として扱い、e-mailsとする用法もみかけます。添削講座は時流を追わず、少し古風がよいので、ここではe-mailとしました。

 

3.       この箇所の主語はまだThis serviceですから、このようにします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Sanuki City Hospital in Kagawa Prefecture started a service that the hospital receives get well e-mail on its homepage and delivers them to its patients. This service has an advantage over regular mail that it's free and enables people to e-mail warm messages easily to the patients from far away.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(かい、18 May 11

 

Sanuki Municipal Hospital in Kagawa Prefecture started a service that the hospital accepts a get-well mail on their homepage and deliver a mail to a patient. It is a characteristic of the service to be free and then able to send a cordial message without sender's hesitation even if one lives far away from a patient.

 

添削

 

The1 Sanuki Municipal Hospital in Kagawa Prefecture has2 started a service that the hospital accepts a get-well mail on their homepage and deliver it a mail to a patient. The service3 It is a characteristic of the service to be free and relatives and friends then are able to send a cordial message easily without sender's hesitation even when they if one lives far away from a patient the hospital.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       病院名のような固有名詞は定冠詞が付いたり、付かなかったりしますが、この例のようにmunicipal hospitalという普通名詞にSanukiという地名の固有名詞が付いている場合はthe Sanuki Municipal Hospitalと定冠詞が付く場合が多いです。

 

2.       過去形でもよいですが、現在完了形にすると、ごく最近始めた、ということが強調できます。

 

3.       「無料のうえ、遠方からでも手軽に心のこもったメッセージが送れるのが特徴。」は主語が隠れています。このような日本語の内容を英文で表現するときは、隠れた主語を見つけ、日本語の表現そのままではなく、表現された内容を英文で表現するとやさしくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Sanuki Municipal Hospital in Kagawa Prefecture has started a service that the hospital accepts get-well mail on their homepage and deliver it to a patient. The service is free and relatives and friends are able to send a cordial message easily even when they live far away from the hospital.

 

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 21 February 10

 

The Sanuki Municipal Hospital in Kagawa Prefecture has launched a new messenger service to deliver the get-well messages e-mailed to its website to the respective inpatients. Given free of charge, this service allows their friends and relatives living in remote areas to convey their heartfelt messages over a long distance essentially without time and expense.

 

添削

 

The Sanuki Municipal Hospital in Kagawa Prefecture has launched a new messenger service to deliver the get-well messages e-mailed to its website to the respective inpatients. This is a free service1 Given free of charge, this service and allows their friends and relatives of patients living in far away from the hospital2 remote areas to convey their heartfelt messages over a long distance right away essentially without time and any expense.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       Given free of chargeが、文の後半と較べて硬い感じです。

 

2.       in remote areasとすると「町から離れた土地」という印象なので添削のように「病院から遠いところ」にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Sanuki Municipal Hospital in Kagawa Prefecture has launched a new messenger service to deliver get-well messages e-mailed to its website to respective inpatients. This is a free service and allows friends and relatives of patients living far away from the hospital  to convey their heartfelt messages over a long distance right away without any expense.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 5 Sept 08

 

The Sanuki Municipal Hospital in Kagawa Prefecture has started a new service that it received get-well e-mail via the hospital's website and delivered them to inpatients in the hospital. This service is offered free of charge and by using this service, anyone can easily send heartfelt messages to the inpatients in the hospital even from the distant area.

 

添削

 

The Sanuki Municipal Hospital in Kagawa Prefecture has started a new service that it the hospital would received get-well e-mail via the hospital's website and delivered them to inpatients in the hospital. This service is offered free of charge and by using this service, anyone can easily send heartfelt messages to the inpatients in the hospital even from the places far away from the hospital distant area1.

 

コメント

 

内容が整理されたわかりやすい英文です。

 

from the distant areaというと「僻地からも」という意味にもなるので、添削のようにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Sanuki Municipal Hospital in Kagawa Prefecture has started a new service that the hospital would receive get-well e-mail via the hospital's website and deliver them to inpatients in the hospital. This service is offered free of charge and anyone can easily send heartfelt messages to the inpatients in the hospital even from places far away from the hospital.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、1 September 07

 

The Sanuki municipal hospital in Kagawa Prefecture started an inpatient service which receive a get well mail via their website and then deliver the mail to a hospital patient. It is a feature that this service is no charge and, moreover, that distance people can send a gracious and thoughtful massage to a hospital patient.

 

添削

 

The Sanuki mMunicipal hHospital2 in Kagawa Prefecture started a new an inpatient service which receives a get well mail via their website and then deliver the mail to a hospital patient. It is a feature that tThis service is free no charge and, moreover, . Now that distance people living far away from the hospital can send a gracious warm and thoughtful massage to a hospital patient1.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりまが、distance people can ~のところがdistanceが名詞なので意味が通じません。distant peopleだろうと推察できますが、添削のような説明のほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       固有名詞なので大文字を使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Sanuki Municipal Hospital in Kagawa Prefecture started a new service which receives get well mail via their website and then deliver the mail to a hospital patient. This service is free. Now people living far away from the hospital can send a warm and thoughtful massage to a hospital patient.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、17 August 07

 

Sanuki civil hospital started the service that it accepted sympathy mails on its homepage and gave them to hospital patients. Sympathy mails have a characteristic that can easily send heartful messages from a long distance for free.

 

添削

 

The Sanuki Municipal civil hHospital2 has3 started the service that it accepteding get-well cards by e-mail for patients sympathy mails on its homepage and gave them to hospital patients. Get-well cards by e-mail Sympathy mails1 have a characteristic4 that can be easily sentd to their friends and relatives in the hospital5 with a heart-full messages from a long distance for free of charge.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、わからないところがあります。(1)のsympathy mailは「悲しいことがあったときの慰めの手紙」一般になります。北米では手紙というより既成のお見舞いのカードにすこし言葉を書き加えて出すのが一般的なので、a get-well cardという言い方が一般手的です。ここでは電子メールによる見舞いの手紙、ということでget-well cards by e-mailとします。

 

2.       「香川県さぬき市民病院」は多分市立病院でしょうからthe Sanuki Municipal Hospitalという表現が一般的です。

 

3.       このようなサービスを始めた、ということを強調するには現在完了形がよいです。

 

4.       can be easily sent ~で特徴がわかるのでcharacteristicsは省略します。

 

5.       このような補足説明をいれるとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Sanuki Municipal Hospital has started accepting get-well cards by e-mail for patients  on its homepage. Get-well cards by e-mail can be easily sent to their friends and relatives in the hospital with a heart-full message from a long distance free of charge.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(kappa 2004, 13 April 07

 

Sanuki Municipal Hospital in Kagawa Prefecture started a service that they receive get-well mails in the home page of the hospital and deliver them to the inpatients. It is a strong point that easy and heartfelt messages can be sent free of charge even from remote places  

 

添削

 

The Sanuki Municipal Hospital in Kagawa Prefecture started a new service for its inpatients1 that they the hospital2 received get-well mails3 in on the home page of the hospital and delivered them to the inpatients. It The service has advantages over regular mail because4 is a strong point that easy and heartfelt messages can be easily sent free of charge even from remote places  

 

添削

 

1.       a new service for its inpatientsとすると読者の注意を引くでしょう。

 

2.       ここではthe hospitalとしたほうが誰だかはっきりします。

 

3.       mailは複合名詞で複数形になりませんから、それに準じてe-mailも複合名詞として扱います。

 

4.       ここは省略してHeartfelt messages can be ~.としてもよいですが、もしこの内容を入れるなら添削のように普通の手紙との比較があるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Sanuki Municipal Hospital in Kagawa Prefecture started a new service for its inpatients that the hospital received get-well mail on the home page of the hospital and delivered them to the inpatients. The service has advantages over regular mail because heartfelt messages can be easily sent free of charge even from remote places  

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、7 Nov 05

 

The Sanuki City Hospital in Kagawa Prefecture has started a new service to accept get-well e-mails on the Hospital’s homepage and deliver them to the hospitalized patients. Good points of this service are free of charge plus it makes easier for families and friends to send heartfelt messages from distant places.

 

添削

 

The Sanuki City Municipal1 Hospital in Kagawa Prefecture has started a new service to accept get-well e-mails2 on the Hhospital’s3 homepage and deliver them to the hospitalized their patients. Good points of this service are:4 it is free of charge plus and it makes easier for families and friends to send heartfelt messages to the patients from distant places.

 

コメント

 

1.       自治体の経営する病院は通常a municipal hospitalと言います。

 

2.       mailは不加算名詞で、手紙、葉書、小包一般を意味します。単数形です。

 

3.       長い固有名詞が文章に出てくるときには、2回目からは固有名詞の一部をthe Association, the Instituteのように大文字にして省略して表現できます。しかし、この例のように一般的な名詞、hospitalのようなときには大文字にしないでよいでしょう。

 

4.       コロンで文をつなぐと、コロンの前の部分の説明だということがはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Sanuki Municipal Hospital in Kagawa Prefecture has started a new service to accept get-well e-mail on the hospital’s homepage and deliver them to their patients. Good points of this service are: it is free and it makes easier for families and friends to send heartfelt messages to the patients from distant places.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、12 May 05

 

The Sanuki Municipal Hospital in Kagawa Prefecture started a new service on its web site to receive e-mails of sympathy for inpatients. What is good about the system is that it is free and an easy way to send heartfelt messages from faraway places.

 

添削

 

The Sanuki Municipal Hospital in Kagawa Prefecture started a new service on its web site to receive get-well1 e-mails of sympathy for inpatients. What is good about the system is that it is a free and an easy way to send heartfelt warm get-well messages to relatives and friends2 from faraway places.

 

コメント

 

1.       病気見舞いのカードをget-well cardsといいます。

 

2.       これは無くても内容はわかりますが、send A to Bという形が普通なのでBの部分を入れておいた方が文が落ち着きます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Sanuki Municipal Hospital in Kagawa Prefecture started a new service on its web site to receive get-well e-mail for patients. What is good about the system is that it is a free and easy way to send warm get-well messages to relatives and friends from faraway places.

 

 

初級問題 179

 

オムロンの子会社のオムロンソフトウェア(京都市)は、海外にいても携帯電話で日本語でのメールの送受信ができるソフトウエア「和メール」を開発した。業界では初めてで、海外旅行先などでもメールのやり取りをしたい利用者の関心を集めそうだ。

 

読者からの投稿 10(Buru, 27 June 16

 

Omron Soft Ware, one of the subsidiaries of Omron Corporation in Kyoto City, developed a new software “ Wa-mail”. This new software can send and receive a Japanese written mail from overseas through a hand phone. This first-ever software has been about to concern with users who want to transmit a email during their overseas trip.

 

添削

 

Omron Soft Wware, one of the subsidiaries of Omron Corporation in Kyoto City, developed a new software “ Wa-mail”. This new software can send and receive e-mail written in a Japanese written mail from overseas through a cellhand phone. This first-ever software is likely to attract attention of has been about to concern with users who want to transmit a e-mail1 during their overseas trips.

 

コメント

 

This first-ever software has been about to concern with usersの意味がはっきりしませんが、文章全体の意味は推測できます。

 

1.       e-mailは通常集合名詞として扱うので冠詞は付きません。

 

添削後の文章

 

Omron Soft ware, one of the subsidiaries of Omron Corporation in Kyoto City, developed a new software “ Wa-mail”. This new software can send and receive e-mail written in  Japanese from overseas through a cell phone. This first-ever software is likely to attract attention of users who want to transmit e-mail during their overseas trips.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Valley winds, 5 May 13

 

Omron Software, which based in kyoto City and subsidiary company of Omron, developed a software 'Wa Mail'. This software makes users send and receive e-mails using Japanese in foreign countries using their mobile phones for the first time in the world. Users who want to exchange e-mails on the way of foreign tour seem to be interesting in it.

 

添削

 

Omron Software, which is based in kyoto City and a subsidiary company of Omron, has developed a computer program1 called software 'Wa (its Japanese character) Mail' for cellular phones. This program software enables makes users send and receive e-mails in using Japanese in foreign countries using their mobile phones for the first time in the world. Users who want to exchange e-mails on their way of foreign tours seem to be interesting in the program it.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてが推測できます。

 

ソフトウェアはよく日本語で使う言葉ですが、英語のsoftwarehardwareに対峙する大まかな概念でコンピュータープログラムを指すとjはかぎりません

 

添削後の文章

Omron Software, which is based in kyoto City and a subsidiary company of Omron, has developed a computer program called 'Wa (its Japanese character) Mail' for cellular phones. This program enables users send and receive e-mail in Japanese in foreign countries for the first time in the world. Users who want to exchange e-mail on their foreign tours seem to be interesting in the program .

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(かい、20 May 11

 

Omron Software Co., Ltd (Kyoto City), Omron Corporation's affiliated firm, developed the software “Japanese Style Mail”that can send and receive mails in Japanese by mobile-phone even if users are overseas. The software was developed for the first time in the industry and will attract an attention of users who want to exchange mails even when they travel to foreign countries.

 

添削

 

Omron Software Co., Ltd (Kyoto City), Omron Corporation's affiliated firm)1, has developed a digital program for a cellular phone2 , the softwarethe Japanese Style Mail, that can send and receive e-mails3 in Japanese by mobile-phone even when if users are overseas. The program software is was developed for the first of its kind time in the industry and will attract an attention of users who want to exchange mails e-mail even when they travel to foreign countries.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       投稿では二つの会社が開発した、ともとれるので添削のようにしました。

 

2.       softwarehardware (物理的なモノ)に対比してコンピュータのプログラムなどの総称で不加算名詞です。ここのプログラムはa computer programと具体的に表現するのがよいでしょう。

 

3.       mail, e-mailは集合名詞で複数形にはなりません。 I sent two pieces of e-mail.が文法的には良いのですが、通常、I sent two e-mail.という表現が多いです。

 

添削後の文章

 

Omron Software Co., Ltd (Kyoto City, Omron Corporation's affiliated firm), has developed a digital program for a cellular phone, “the Japanese Style Mail,” that can send and receive e-mail in Japanese even when users are overseas. The program is the first of its kind in the industry and will attract attention of users who want to exchange e-mail even when they travel to foreign countries.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 21 February 10

 

Omuron Software Company in Kyoto, an affiliate of Omuron Corporation, has developed communication software named “Wa-mail” that enables people to e-mail with their mobile in Japanese even while they are staying abroad. The software is the first of its kind in the industry and is likely to attract a lot of attention from those people who are interested in e-mailing with their mobile while traveling overseas.

 

添削

 

Omuron Software Company in Kyoto, an affiliate of Omuron Corporation, has developed a new piece of communication software named “Wa-mail” that enables people to e-mail Japanese text from with their mobile phones in Japanese even while they are staying abroad. The software is the first of its kind in the industry and is likely to attract a lot of attention from those people who are interested in e-mailing with from their mobile phones while traveling overseas.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Omuron Software Company in Kyoto, an affiliate of Omuron Corporation, has developed a new piece of communication software named “Wa-mail” that enables people to e-mail Japanese text from  their mobile phones  even while they are staying abroad. The software is the first of its kind in the industry and is likely to attract a lot of attention from those people who are interested in e-mailing from their mobile phones while traveling overseas.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 10 Sept 08

 

Omuron Software (Kyoto City), a subsidiary of Omuron Corporation, has developed "Wa mail" software, through which you can send and receive e-mail in Japanese by cellular phones even at overseas. This will be the first of its kind in the industry which will attract users who want to exchange e-mail even at oversea travels.

 

添削

 

Omuron Software (Kyoto City), a subsidiary of Omuron Corporation, has developed "Wa mail" software for cellular phones., This software will enable through which you can send and receive e-mail in Japanese by a cellular phones even at from overseas. This will be the first of its kind in the industry which and expected will to attract users who want to exchange e-mail even at when they are traveling overseas travels.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Omuron Software (Kyoto City), a subsidiary of Omuron Corporation, has developed "Wa mail" software for cellular phones. This software will enable you send and receive e-mail in Japanese by a cellular phone even from overseas. This will be the first of its kind in the industry and expected to attract users who want to exchange e-mail even when they are traveling overseas .

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、1 September 07

 

The Omuron Software Company in Kyoto, which is a subsidiary company of the Omuron, has developed an e-mail software "Wa Mail", use of which enables us to send Japanese e-mail with mobile phones even overseas. This is the first success in the software business field.  The e-mail software seems to attract a great deal of interest of the customers who want to communicate with e-mail during their foreign travel and so on.

 

添削

 

The Omuron Software Company in Kyoto, which is a subsidiary company of the Omuron, has developed an e-mail software program2 "Wa Mail" for the mobile phone3, use of which enables us to send Japanese e-mail with mobile phones even overseas. This is the first of its kind success in the software business field4. The e-mail software program seems to attract a great deal of interest of from those the customers who want to communicate in Japanese with e-mail on the mobile phone during their foreign travel and so on1.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、わからないところがあります。

 

2.       ソフトウェアとよく使いますが、ハードウェア以外がすべてソフトウェアなので、ここではprogramとするのがよいでしょう。

 

3.       コンピュータ用を使えば海外でも日本語でメールの送受信は出来るので、ここでは携帯談話とはっきりするとよいでしょう。

 

4.       元の文では、「(オムロンソフトウェアの)ソフトウェアビジネス部門の最初の成功である。」となり、意味は通じますが、日本文の内容とは異なります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Omuron Software Company in Kyoto, which is a subsidiary company of Omuron, has developed an e-mail program "Wa Mail" for the mobile phone, which enables us to send Japanese e-mail overseas. This is the first of its kind. The e-mail program seems to attract a great deal of interest from those who want to communicate in Japanese e-mail on the mobile phone during their foreign travel.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、18 August 07

 

An Omron Corporation's child company, Omron software in Kyoto developed "Wa-mail", a software that can send and receive Japanese mails with mobile phones from overseas. This software was developed for the first time in the industry. It seems that users who want to exchange mails from foreign countries where they travel in are interested in the software.

 

添削

 

Omron Software, a subsidiary of An Omron Corporation's child company2, Omron software in Kyoto has3 developed software called "Wa-mail", an e-mail program software that can send and receive e-mail in Japanese mails with on the mobile phones from anywhere in the world overseas. This software program was developed for the first time in the industry. It seems that users people who want to exchange mails e-mail while they are traveling abroad4 from foreign countries where they travel in are interested in the software1.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

2.       先ずはオムロンソフトウェアと文の主体をはっきりさせてから、これはオムロンの子会社という説明を加えます。

 

3.       「完成した」と現在完了形にします。

 

4.       「海外旅行先なので」は「海外を旅行中に」と言い直して、while they are traveling abroadとすると表現が簡単になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Omron Software, a subsidiary of Omron Corporation, in Kyoto has developed software called "Wa-mail", an e-mail program that can send and receive e-mail in Japanese on the mobile phone from anywhere in the world. This program was developed for the first time in the industry. It seems that people who want to exchange e-mail while they are traveling abroad are interested in the software.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(kappa 2004, 14 April 07

 

Omron Software Ltd (Kyoto), one of subsidiaries of Omron corporation has developed a new software “wa- mail” with which we can sent and receive e-mails in Japanese language in cellular phone even though we are staying in overseas. It is the first development in Japan that many users will be much interested as they want to communicate e-mails in travel abroad.  

 

添削

 

Omron Software Ltd (Kyoto), one of the subsidiaries of Omron cCorporation, has developed a new piece of 1software called “wa- mail” with which we can sentd and receive e-mails2 in Japanese language on the in cellular phone even though when we are staying in overseas3. It This4 is the first of this kind development in Japan that many users will be much interested in as they want to communicate by e-mails while in traveling abroad.  

 

コメント

 

1.       softwareは不加算名詞なので不定冠詞aは付きません。添削のようにすると新しいあるソフトということがはっきりします。

 

2.       mailは集合名詞で複数形にはなりません。e-mailも同様に扱います。

 

3.       overseasは「海外で」という副詞で使えるのでinは要りません。

 

4.       前の文の内容を指しているので、身近なものとしてthisがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Omron Software Ltd (Kyoto), one of the subsidiaries of Omron Corporation, has developed  a new piece of software called “wa- mail” with which we can send and receive e-mail in Japanese on the cellular phone even when we are staying overseas. This is the first of this kind in Japan that many users will be much interested in as they want to communicate by e-mail while  traveling abroad.  

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(さくら、7 November 05

 

A subsidiary company of Omron, Omron Software Corporation (Kyoto City), has developed new software for cellular phone “Wa mail” that makes it possible for the first time in the industry to send and receive mails written in Japanese on abroad. This software likely gets wide attention from those who want to communicate by mails from outside of Japan.

 

添削

 

A subsidiary company of Omron, Omron Software Corporation (Kyoto City), has developed new software for a cellular phone called1 “Wa mail” that makes it possible for the first time in the industry to send and receive e-mails written in Japanese on to and from2 abroad. This software is likely to gets wide attention from among3 those who want to communicate by e-mails from outside of Japan.

 

コメント

 

1.       日本語名称をそのまま英文で使うときはcalled “~”, named “~”のようにすると、引用句の中が名称だということがはっきりします。

 

2.       これを入れておくと両方向に送受信できることがはっきりするでしょう。

 

3.       amongの使い方にこのような例があります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A subsidiary company of Omron, Omron Software Corporation (Kyoto City), has developed new software for a cellular phone called “Wa mail” that makes it possible for the first time in the industry to send and receive e-mail written in Japanese to and from abroad. This software is likely to get wide attention among those who want to communicate by e-mail from outside of Japan.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、13 May 05

 

Omron Software Co., Ltd. (Kyoto City), a subsidiary of Omron Corporation, has succeeded in developing software called "Wa Mail"(Japanese mail) enabling us to exchange cellular phone e-mail in Japanese from abroad. This is the first of its kind in the cellular phone industry and is expected to attract the attention of those who wish to exchange e-mail while traveling abroad.

 

添削

 

Omron Software Co., Ltd. (Kyoto City), a subsidiary of Omron Corporation1, has succeeded in developing software called "Wa Mail"(Japanese mail) that will enable2 enabling us to exchange cellular phone e-mail in Japanese on the cellular phone with anyone3 in the world from abroad. This is the first of its kind4 in the cellular phone industry and5 is expected to attract the attention of those who wish to exchange e-mail while traveling abroad.

 

コメント

 

1.       「オムロンの子会社のオムロンソフトウェア(京都市)」Omron Software Co., Ltd. (Kyoto City), a subsidiary of Omron Corporation, は一般的な効率の良い表現ですね。

 

2.       thatで続けたほうが、「〜を開発した。これは〜だ」というように、読者が文を読むときに一度内容をここで区切って意識するようになるのでよいでしょう。

 

3.       exchange A with Bと形なので添削のようにしたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

4.       This is the first of its kindはこのようなときに便利な常套句ですね。

 

5.       このandは文の内容の繋がりをつくっていて良いですね。

 

添削後の文章

Omron Software Co., Ltd. (Kyoto City), a subsidiary of Omron Corporation, has succeeded in developing software called "Wa Mail"(Japanese mail) that will enable us to exchange e-mail in Japanese on the cellular phone with anyone in the world . This is the first of its kind in the cellular phone industry and is expected to attract the attention of those who wish to exchange e-mail while traveling abroad.

 

 

初級問題 180

 

気温30度以上の「真夏日」が7月6日から続き、連続日数の最長記録を更新していた東京・大手町の最高気温が8月15日、28・5度にとどまり、連続真夏日は40日でストップした。

 

読者からの投稿 10(26 June 16

 

It had been making the record of the longest consecutive hot days at Otemachi Tokyo. But on August 15, the daily highest temperature was only 28.5 degree Celsius. At last, the record had stopped for 40 days.

 

添削

 

It had been making the a record of the longest consecutive hot days at Otemachi Tokyo. But on August 15, the day’s daily highest temperature was only 28.5 degrees Celsius. At last, the record had stopped for at 40 days.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

It had been making a record of the longest consecutive hot days at Otemachi Tokyo. But on August 15, the day’s highest temperature was only 28.5 degrees Celsius. At last, the record had stopped at 40 days.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Valley winds, 5 May13

 

High temperature at Ohte-machi in Tokyo was 28.5 degree in Celcius and the record of consecutive days of hot days stopped at 40 days. Hot days, which it is above and equal 30 degree, last for July 6 and has recorded consecutive days.

 

添削

 

The Hhighest daily temperature at Ohte-machi in Tokyo dropped down to was 28.5 degrees in Celcius Celsius on July 6 and stopped the record of consecutive days of hot days over 30 degrees Celsius stopped at 40 days after it had started . Hot days, which it is above and equal 30 degree, last for on July 6 and has recorded consecutive days.

 

コメント

 

日時の関係の表現が曖昧で内容がわかりません。

 

添削後の文章

 

The highest daily temperature at Ohte-machi in Tokyo dropped down to 28.5 degrees   Celsius on July 6 and stopped the record of consecutive days of hot days over 30 degrees Celsius at 40 days after it had started on July 6 .

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(かい、21 May 11

 

Highest temperature in Otemachi, Tokyo had corresponded to a temperature of the hot day every day from July 6 that highest temperature of a day is more than 30 degrees Celsius, and was making a longest new hot day's record in a row. However, the temperature in there was only 28.5 degrees Celsius on August 15, therefore the record ended in 40 days.

 

添削

 

The Hhighest daily temperature in Otemachi, Tokyo had been that corresponded to a temperature of the hot day every day since from July 6 exceeding that highest temperature of a day is more than 30 degrees Celsius, and was1 making the a longest period of new hot day's  record in a row. However, the highest daily temperature dropped to in there was o