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初級問題添削 161−170

 

初級問題 161 (14 August 04) (16 February 05) (6 April 07) (8 Aug 07) (15 Aug 08)

                             (8 March 09) (31 Jan 10) (18 April 11) (24 March 13) (9 April 16)

 

初級問題 162 (14 August 04) (24 February 05) (6 April 07) (8 Aug 07) (18 Aug 07)

                             (16 Aug 08) (10 March 09) (31 Jan 10) (20 April 11) (27 March 13)

         (10 Apr 16)M (11 Apr 16)

 

初級問題 163 (16 August 04) (26 February 05) (6 April 07) (9 Aug 07) (20 Aug 07)

                             (18 Aug 08) (16 March 09) (31 Jan 10) (21 April 11) (27 March 13)

                             (30 March 13) (10 Apr 16)

 

初級問題 164 (16 August 04) (1 March 05) (6 April 07) (10 Aug 07) (21 Aug 07)

                             (18 Aug 08) (16 March 09) (31 Jan 10) (22 April 11) (28 March 13)

         (11 Apr 16)

 

初級問題 165 (17 August 04) (1 March 05) (7 April 07) (10 Aug 07) (20 Aug 08)

                             (16 March 09) (31 Jan 10) (22 April 11) (18 Apr 16)

 

初級問題 166 (17 August 04) (15 March 05) (7 April 07) (11 Aug 07) (22 Aug 07)

                             (20 Aug 08) (18 March 09) (7 Jan 10) (25 April 11) (29 March 12)

                             (28 March 13) (28 March 13) (18 April 16)

 

初級問題 167 (21 October 04) (30 March 05) (7 April 07) (12 Aug 07) (23 Aug 07)

                             (21 Aug 08) (26 March 09) (7 Feb 10) (26 April 11) (30 June 12)

                             (28 March 13) (1 July 16)

 

初級問題 168 (7 April 05) (10 April 07) (12 Aug 07) (24 Aug 07) (22 Aug 08)

(26 March 09) (8 Feb 10) (28 April 11) (28 March 13) (14 June 16)

 

初級問題 169 (2 March 05) (14 April 05) (10 April 07) (13 Aug 07) (24 Aug 07)

(23 Aug 08) (26 March 09) (8 Feb 10) (28 April 11) (1 April 13)

(14 June 16)

初級問題 170 (1 March 05) (14 April 05) (10 April 07) (13 Aug 07) (25 Aug 07)

                             (24 Aug 08) (31 March 09) (8 Feb 10) (14 May 11) (1 April 13)

                 (16 June 16)

 

初級問題 161

 

7月22日午前11時25分ごろ、熊本市内の立体駐車場の四階屋上に、リモコンの無人飛行船(全長十八メートル、最大直径三・六メートル)が不時着した。飛行船の船首部分が駐車場隣の林に突っ込みへこんだが、けが人や車の被害はなかった。

 

読者からの投稿 11(BURU, 9 April 16

 

A remote controlled unmanned airship made a crash landed at the roof of a fourth stories car park at Kumamoto City. (18m long, 3.6m maximum diameter) The head of airship crashed into woods next the car park building but there were no injured person and damaged vehicles.

 

添削

 

A remote controlled unmanned airship (18-meter long and 3.6-meter in diameter) made a crash landeding on at the roof of a fourth stories car park at in Kumamoto City. (18m long, 3.6m maximum diameter) The head of airship crashed into the woods next the car park building but there were no injured person or and damaged vehicles.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります

 

添削後の文章

 

A remote controlled unmanned airship (18-meter long and 3.6-meter in diameter) made a crash landing on the roof of a four stories car park in Kumamoto City. The head of airship crashed into the woods next the car park building but there were no injured person or  damaged vehicles.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 24 March 13

 

An unmanned airship remote controlled (total length 18m, maximum diameter 3. 6m) crash-landed on the roof of 4th floor of a parking building in Kumamoto City at about 11:25 a.m. on July 22. The airship stuck its head into a grove next to the parking and dent. The accident leave no injured person and no damage of a car.

 

添削

 

An unmanned airship, that1 was remotely controlled (the total length 18mmeters,the  maximum diameter 3. 6m meters), crash-landed on the roof of the 4th floor of a parking building in Kumamoto City at about 11:25 a.m. on July 22. The airship stuck its head into a grove next to the parking building and got its head dented. The accident left leave no injured person injured and no car damaged of a car.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       controlled という動詞がcrash-landedの前に出てくるので、この動詞の主体が分かり難くなります。添削のように補足説明とするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

An unmanned airship, that was remotely controlled (the total length 18meters,the  maximum diameter 3. 6 meters), crash-landed on the roof of the 4th floor of a parking building in Kumamoto City at about 11:25 a.m. on July 22. The airship stuck its head into a grove next to the parking building and got its head dented. The accident left no person injured and no car damaged.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(かい、18 April 11

 

Around 11:25 am on July 22, the 18 meters in length and 3.6 meter in the greatest diameter unmanned airship controlled by a remote control had made an emergency landing on the roof over the fourth floor of the multistory car park in Kumamoto City. The ship plunged into the woods next to the parking lot and the bow of the ship was dented, but there were no damages relevant to injured persons and cars.

 

添削

 

Around 11:25 am on July 22, the an unmanned airship (18 meters in length and 3.6 meters in at the greatest diameter) unmanned airship controlled by a remote control had made an emergency landing on the roof over the fourth floor of the a multistory car park in Kumamoto City. The head of the airship plunged into the woods next to the parking lot and the bow of the ship was dented, but there were injuries to persons1 and no damages to the cars in the parking lot and around relevant to injured persons and cars.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       人と車を分けて記述したほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 11:25 am on July 22, an unmanned airship (18 meters in length and 3.6 meters at the greatest diameter) controlled by a remote control made an emergency landing on the roof over the fourth floor of a multistory car park in Kumamoto City. The head of the airship plunged into the woods next to the parking lot and the bow of the ship was dented, but there were injuries to persons and no damages to the cars in the parking lot and around.

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 31 January 10

 

投稿

 

A remote-control unmanned airship (18 meters in length and 3.6 meters in diameter) crush-landed the top floor of four-storied parking lot in Kumamoto City around 11:25 on the morning of July 22. The ship was plunged into the neighboring bush and got a dent around its nose, but no one was injured or no car was damaged.

 

添削

 

A remote-control unmanned airship (18 meters in length and 3.6 meters in diameter) crush-landed on the top floor of four-storied parking building lot in Kumamoto City around 11:25 am on the morning of July 22. The airship was plunged into the neighboring bush and got a dent on around its nose, but no one was injured and or no car was damaged.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。got a dent on its noseというのが面白いですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

A remote-control unmanned airship (18 meters in length and 3.6 meters in diameter) crush-landed on the top floor of four-storied parking building  in Kumamoto City around 11:25 am on the morning of July 22. The airship plunged into the neighboring bush and got a dent on its nose, but no one was injured and no car was damaged.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 8 March 09

 

At 11:25 a.m. on July 22, a remote-controlled unmanned spacecraft with a 18-meter long and a maximum diameter of 3.6 meters made an emergency landing on the top of the four-storied car parking tower in Kumamoto City. No one got hurt and no car got damaged even though the nose of the spacecraft run into the forest next to the parking tower and got dented.

 

添削

 

At 11:25 a.m. on July 22, a remote-controlled unmanned spacecraft airship that was with a 18-meter long and had a maximum diameter of 3.6 meters1 made an emergency landing on the top of the a four-storied car parking tower in Kumamoto City. No one got hurt and no car got damaged even though the nose of the spacecraft airship run into the forest next to the parking tower and got dented.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       With a 18-meter longとは続きません。With a length of 18 metersと表現できますが、添削の方が読みやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

At 11:25 a.m. on July 22, a remote-controlled unmanned airship that was 18-meter long and had a maximum diameter of 3.6 meters made an emergency landing on the top of a four-storied car parking tower in Kumamoto City. No one got hurt and no car got damaged even though the nose of the airship run into the forest next to the parking tower and got dented.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 15 Aug 08

 

Around 11:25 am on July 22, a remote-controlled unmanned airship (18 meters in overall length and 3.6 meters in the maximum diameter) made an emergency landing on a rooftop of a four-story parking tower in Kumamoto City. The head part of the airship plunged into a bush next to the parking tower and got dented. There was no injury to people and no damage to cars.

 

添削

 

Around 11:25 am on July 22, a remote-controlled unmanned airship (18 meters in overall length and 3.6 meters in the maximum diameter) made an emergency landing on a the rooftop of a four-story parking tower in Kumamoto City. The head part of the airship plunged into a bush next to the parking tower and got dented. There was no injury to people and or no damage to cars.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。日時、場所の詳細が入った文章ですが、わかりやすく英文で整理されています。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 11:25 am on July 22, a remote-controlled unmanned airship (18 meters in overall length and 3.6 meters in the maximum diameter) made an emergency landing on the rooftop of a four-story parking tower in Kumamoto City. The head part of the airship plunged into a bush next to the parking tower and got dented. There was no injury to people or no damage to cars.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、8 August 07

 

At about 11:25 am on July 22nd, an unmanned blimp (18 meter in length, 3.6 meter in the maximum diameter ) operated by the remote controller ditched at a roof of a four story parking building. The head of the blimp plunged into the grove beside the parking area and was dented on. There are, however, no damage to people and vehicles.

 

添削

 

At about 11:25 am on July 22nd, an unmanned blimp (18 meters in length, 3.6 meters in the maximum diameter ) operated by the a remote controller ditched1 at into the a roof of a four- story parking building. The head of the blimp plunged into the a grove beside the parking area and was dented on. There are was, however, no damage to people or and vehicles.

 

コメント

 

1.       a ditchは名詞で道路わきの溝のことです。これから派生してI ditched my computer.は(もう要らなくなったので)コンピュータを捨てた、となります。A pilot ditches an aircraft.はパイロットが飛行機を不時着させた、という意味になります。この意味の時はditchは自動詞、他動詞の両方で使い、Nobody was hurt when the airplane ditched. The airplane was ditched at the sea.というように使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

At about 11:25 am on July 22nd, an unmanned blimp (18 meters in length, 3.6 meters in the maximum diameter) operated by a remote controller ditched into the roof of a four- story parking building. The head of the blimp plunged into a grove beside the parking area and was dented. There was, however, no damage to people or vehicles.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、8 August 07

 

Around 11:25 a.m. in July 22, an unmanned airship by remote control made an emergency landing on the parking area on the roof of a four-story parking structure in Kumamoto City. The airship was 18 meters in length and 3.6 meters in max diameter. It plunged its nose into woods next to the parking area and had got a dent. But, nobody was injured and no car received damage in the accident.

 

添削

 

Around 11:25 a.m. in on July 22, an remotely-controlled unmanned airship by remote control made an emergency landing on the parking area on the roof of a four-story parking structure building in Kumamoto City. The airship was 18 meters in length and 3.6 meters in the maximum diameter. It plunged its nose into woods next to the parking area and had got a dent was dented1. But Fortunately2, nobody was injured and no car received damage in the accident.

 

コメント

 

1.       (it) had got a dentとすると(飛行船の先端にちょこんと)へこみが出来た、という可愛らしい表現になります。これでもよいですが、添削では新聞記事風に簡単にwas dentedとしました。

 

2.       前の文の内容へ続けるには、「幸いにも」のほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 11:25 a.m. on July 22, a remotely-controlled unmanned airship made an emergency landing on the parking area on the roof of a four-story parking building in Kumamoto City. The airship was 18 meters in length and 3.6 meters in the maximum diameter. It plunged its nose into woods next to the parking area and was dented. Fortunately, nobody was injured and no car received damage in the accident.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(kappa2004, 6 April 07

 

Around 11:25 am on July 22, remote-controlling unmanned airship (length 18m, max dia 3.6m) made an emergent landing on the roof of a fourth- floor parking building in Kumamoto City. A head of the airship plunged into the wood next to the parking with a dent but neither one nor car was damaged.   

 

添削

 

Around 11:25 am on July 22, a remotely-controllinged unmanned airship (length 18 meters in length and, the maximum diameter of 3.6 meters1) made an emergentcy landing on the roof of a four-story fourth- floor parking building in Kumamoto City. A The head of the airship plunged into the woods next to the parking building and with a was dented2, but neither one people were hurt3 nor cars were was damaged.   

 

コメント

 

1.       一般読者を想定して略号は使わないほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       事件を時間をおって記述すると臨場感が出ます。

 

3.       人と車をわけて記述すると内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 11:25 am on July 22, a remotely-controlled unmanned airship (18 meters in length and the maximum diameter of 3.6 meters) made an emergency landing on the roof of a four-story parking building in Kumamoto City. The head of the airship plunged into the woods next to the parking building and was dented, but neither people were hurt nor cars were damaged.   

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、16 February 05

 

At around 11:25 a.m. on July 22, an unmanned remote-controlled airship (18 meters long, a maximum diameter of 3.6 meters) made a forced landing on the rooftop of a four-story parking building in Kumamoto City. The bow of the airship was dented when the airship plunged into a bush next to a parking lot. Luckily, there were no injuries or damaged cars.

 

添削

 

At around 11:25 a.m. on July 22, an unmanned remote-controlled airship (18- meters long , with a maximum diameter of 3.6 meters) made a forced landing on the rooftop of a four-story parking building in Kumamoto City1. The bow of the airship was dented when the airship plunged into a bush next to a the parking lot. Luckily, there were was no one injured ies or car damaged cars.

 

コメント

 

1.       いろいろな情報が入っている日本文ですが、マウントさんは丁寧に英文でひょうげんしています。「7月22日午前11時25分ごろ、熊本市内の立体駐車場の四階屋上に、リモコンの無人飛行船(全長十八メートル、最大直径三・六メートル)が不時着した。」の基本部分はAn airship made a forced landing.ですから、これにいろいろな修飾句を追加すればよいわけです。マウントさんの投稿は修飾句の位置が適切です。

 

添削後の文章

 

At around 11:25 a.m. on July 22, an unmanned remote-controlled airship (18-meters long with a maximum diameter of 3.6 meters) made a forced landing on the rooftop of a four-story parking building in Kumamoto City. The bow of the airship was dented when the airship plunged into a bush next to the parking lot. Luckily, there was no one injured or car damaged.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(ピッコロ、14 August 04

 

At around 11:25 a.m. on July 22, an unmanned airship(18 m in total length and 3.6m in maximum diameter) was crashed on the fourth-floor-roof of the parking building in Kumamoto city. Although the head of it plunged into wood next to the parking lot and dented, the accident didn’t cause anybody to injure nor car damaged.

 

添削

 

At around 11:25 a.m. on July 22, an unmanned airship (18 m meters1 in total length and 3.6mmeters in maximum diameter) was crashed made an emergency landing2 on the fourth-floor-roof of the a parking building in Kumamoto cCity. Although the head of it the airship3 plunged into a forest4 wood next to the parking lot and got dented, the accident didn’t did not5 cause anybody to injured nor any car damaged.

 

コメント

 

日本文はこの事故の様子を詳しく説明しています。このような文章は英語でも細部を省略せずに表現することが大切です。ピッコロさんの投稿は読みやすい構成になっていて細部までよくわかります。

 

1.       実務文では長さや温度の表現は省略しないで表現するのが良いでしょう。

 

2.       Airshipが主語なので、was crashed とすると(操縦者に)crashさせられた、となります。実際にはそのとおりなのですが、故意にそうしたのではないでしょうから、ここでは受動態ではなく、airship crashedがよいです。ただし、crashは「がしゃんとぶつかった」という意味があります。状況からするとそれほどひどい事故でもなかったようなので、不時着した、made an emergency landingが適当でしょう。

 

3.       実務文ではなるべく代名詞を使わずにもとの名詞を繰り返したほうが意味がはっきりします。また、ここではAlthough the head of ititが短い単語なので、文章のリズム(読んだ時の感じ)が不安定になります。Although the head of the airshipとするとよいでしょう。

 

4.       この文章では「林」は具体的な場所を指しているのでa wooded areaまたはa forestとします。

 

5.       Didn’t, isn’t などの省略法は会話体の記述には適切ですが、実務文のスタイルでは使わないほうが文がしっかりとして見えます(これは個人の趣味の問題でもあり、省略表記を使う人もいます。私はこの添削では、すこし古風に、正統的にして、省略表記を使わないようにしています。)

 

添削後の文章

 

At around 11:25 a.m. on July 22, an unmanned airship (18 meters in total length and 3.6meters in maximum diameter) made an emergency landing on the fourth-floor-roof of a parking building in Kumamoto City. Although the head of the airship plunged into a forest next to the parking lot and got dented, the accident did not cause anybody injured nor any car damaged.

 

読者からの投稿 2(NOMU, 14 August 04

 

A remote- controlled unmanned airship( 18 meter long, 3,6meter in diameter) made an emergency landing on the roof of four-storied car park in Kumamoto city about 11:25a.m. on July 22th. The nose of the airship dived into the wood next to the car park and dented. Luckily nobody was injured or no car was damaged.

 

添削

 

A remote- controlled unmanned airship ( 18 meter long, and 3,.6 meter in diameter wide1) made an emergency landing on the roof of a four-storied story car park parking building2 in Kumamoto city City about 11:25 a.m. on July 22th twenty-second. The nose of the airship dived3 into the wooded area next to the car park parking building and got dented. Luckily nobody was injured or no car was damaged.

 

添削

 

1.       18 meters in length and 3.6 meters in width または 18 meter long and 3.6 meter wideとして並列構造にします。

 

2.       北米ではcar parkというと地上のパーキング場をさすことが多いので、立体的駐車場はparking buildingとすると良いでしょう。

 

3.       The nose of the airship dived into~は視覚的なおもしろい表現ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

A remote- controlled unmanned airship (18 meter long and 3.6 meter wide) made an emergency landing on the roof of a four-story parking building in Kumamoto City about 11:25 a.m. on July  twenty-second. The nose of the airship dived into the wooded area next to the parking building and got dented. Luckily nobody was injured or no car was damaged.

 

 

初級問題 162

 

日本列島は7月21日も強い太平洋高気圧に覆われ、関東甲信や東海地方を中心に35度以上の猛暑が続いた。甲府では午後1時すぎ、40.4度を記録。全国の気象台、測候所で観測した最高気温記録の二位となった。一位は1933年に山形で観測した40.8度。

 

読者からの投稿 11(BURU, 10 April 16

 

A strong Pacific anticyclone was covered in Japan on July 21 again. The days over 35 degree Celsius have been continued at the central Japan specially Kanto-Koshinetsu area and Tokai area. The peak temperature was recorded 40..4 degree Celsius in Kofu City after 1 p.m. yesterday . This record was the second highest temperature in the history of the nationwide metrological observatory. For comparison, the highest temperature was 40.8 degree Celsius recorded in Yamagata Prefecture in 1993.

 

添削

 

A strong Pacific anticyclone high pressure was covered in Japan on July 21 again1. The days with the highest temperature of over 35 degrees Celsius have been continued at the central Japan specially in the Kanto-Koshinetsu, area and Tokai area. The peak temperature was recorded at 40..4 degrees Celsius in Kofu City at about after 1 p.m. yesterday . This record was the second highest temperature in the history of the national nationwide metrological observatoriesy2. For comparison, tThe highest temperature was 40.8 degrees Celsius recorded in Yamagata City3 Prefecture in 1993.

 

コメント

 

最初の文の内容がわかりませんが、あとは全部わかります。

 

1.       The high pressure covered Japan.またはJapan was covered by the high pressure.という形になります。

 

2.       The history of national metrological observatoriesとすれば全国の測候所ということがわかります。

 

3.       山形だけでは山形県か山形市かわかりませんが、文中にすでに甲府市がでているので、その文脈から判断すると山形市でしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A strong Pacific high pressure covered Japan on July 21 again. The days with the highest temperature of over 35 degrees Celsius continued at the central Japan specially in the Kanto-Koshinetsu, and Tokai area. The peak temperature was recorded at 40.4 degrees Celsius in Kofu City at about 1 p.m. yesterday. This was the second highest temperature in the history of national metrological observatories. The highest temperature was 40.8 degrees Celsius recorded in Yamagata City in 1993.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 27 March 13

 

The Japanese archipelago had been covered by a strong Pacific high pressure on also July 21. So it had been hot over 35 degree Celsius around Kanto-Koshin and Tokai area. At Kofu City, it recorded 40.4 degree Celsius at past 1:00 p.m., the second highest temperature in entire meteorological observatories and weather station in Japan. The highest temperature is 40.8 degree Celsius, which has recorded at Yamagata City on 1983.

 

添削

 

The Japanese archipelago was1 had been covered by a strong Pacific high pressure on also July 21 also. So the highest temperature2 of the day stayed it had been hot over 35 degree Celsius around in the Kanto-Koshin and Tokai area. At Kofu City, it recorded 40.4 degree Celsius at past 1:00 p.m., the second highest temperature ever observed in the entire meteorological observatories and weather stations in Japan. The highest temperature was is 40.8 degree Celsius, which was has recorded at Yamagata City in on 1983.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       also だけで高気圧が継続していたことがわかります。

 

2.       日中の最高温度と明確にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Japanese archipelago was covered by a strong Pacific high pressure on July 21 also. So the highest temperature of the day stayed over 35 degree Celsius in the Kanto-Koshin and Tokai area. At Kofu City, it recorded 40.4 degree Celsius at past 1:00 p.m., the second highest temperature ever observed in the entire meteorological observatories and weather stations in Japan. The highest temperature was 40.8 degree Celsius, which was recorded at Yamagata City in 1983.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(かい、20 April 11

 

The Japanese archipelago was covered with a strong high-pressure system in the Pacific Ocean on July 22 too, therefore, an extreme heat that was over 35 degrees Celsius lasted particularly in and around the Kanto, Koshinetsu and Tokai districts. The temperature in Kofu City recorded 40.4 degrees Celsius after 1:00 p.m. and became the second hottest temperature of all daily maximum temperatures observed by meteorological observatories and weather stations all over the country. The hottest record is 40.8 degrees Celsius observed in Yamagata Prefecture in 1933.

 

添削

 

The Japanese archipelago was covered with a strong high-pressure system in the Pacific Ocean on July 22 too again and , therefore, an extreme temperatures of heat that was over 35 degrees Celsius lasted particularly another day1 in and around the Kanto , Koshinetsu and Tokai districts. The temperature in Kofu City recorded 40.4 degrees Celsius after at about 1:00 p.m. and became the second hottest temperature of all daily maximum temperatures observed by meteorological observatories and weather stations all over the country. The hottest record is was 40.8 degrees Celsius observed in Yamagata Prefecture in 1933.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       lastedは、lasted another dayとすると内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Japanese archipelago was covered with a strong high-pressure system in the Pacific Ocean on July 22 again and temperatures of over 35 degrees Celsius lasted another day in and around the Kanto, Koshinetsu and Tokai districts. The temperature in Kofu City recorded 40.4 degrees Celsius at about 1:00 p.m. and became the second hottest temperature of all daily maximum temperatures observed by meteorological observatories and weather stations all over the country. The hottest record was 40.8 degrees Celsius observed in Yamagata Prefecture in 1933.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 31 January 10

 

A high atmospheric pressure from the Pacific Ocean continued overlying the Japanese archipelago on July 21, pushing temperatures to an over 35 degrees Celsius here and there in the Kanto, Koshin and Tokai districts. A temperature went up to whopping 40.4 degrees Celsius at shortly after 1:00 p.m. in Kofu City, becoming the second highest ever recorded at meteorological observatories across the country. The highest temperature ever recorded was 40.8 degrees Celsius recorded at Yamagata City in 1933.

 

添削

 

A high atmospheric pressure from the Pacific Ocean continued overlying covering the Japanese archipelago on July 21, pushing the temperatures1 to an over 35 degrees Celsius here and there in the Kanto, Koshin and Tokai districts. The A temperature went up to whopping 40.4 degrees Celsius at shortly after 1:00 p.m. in Kofu City, reaching becoming the second highest ever recorded at meteorological observatories across the country. The highest temperature ever recorded was 40.8 degrees Celsius recorded at in Yamagata City in 1933.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       here and thereとあるのでthe temperature here and the temperature thereのことですから単数形にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

A high atmospheric pressure from the Pacific Ocean continued covering the Japanese archipelago on July 21, pushing the temperature to over 35 degrees Celsius here and there in the Kanto, Koshin and Tokai districts. The temperature went up to whopping 40.4 degrees Celsius at shortly after 1:00 p.m. in Kofu City, reaching the second highest ever recorded at meteorological observatories across the country. The highest temperature ever recorded was 40.8 degrees Celsius in Yamagata City in 1933.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 10 March 09

 

On July 21, strong Pacific anticyclone still covered Japanese islands. The temperature in Kanto-Koshin region and Tokai region continued to exceed 35 degrees Celsius. In Kofu City the temperature reached 40.4 degrees Celsius which is the second highest one since meteorological observatories and weather stations had started their observation. The highest temperature was observed in Yamagata City with 40.8 degrees Celsius in 1933.

 

添削

 

On July 21, a strong Pacific anticyclone still covered the Japanese Archipelago islands. The highest temperature of the day in the Kanto-Koshin region and Tokai region continued to exceed 35 degrees Celsius. In Kofu City, the temperature reached 40.4 degrees Celsius which is was the second highest one since meteorological observatories and weather stations had started their observations. The highest temperature ever, 40.8 degrees Celsius, was observed in Yamagata City with 40.8 degrees Celsius in 1933.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 21, a strong Pacific anticyclone still covered the Japanese Archipelago. The highest temperature of the day in the Kanto-Koshin region and Tokai region continued to exceed 35 degrees Celsius. In Kofu City, the temperature reached 40.4 degrees Celsius which was the second highest since meteorological observatories and weather stations had started their observations. The highest temperature ever, 40.8 degrees Celsius, was observed in Yamagata City in 1933.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 16 Aug 08

 

A strong Pacific anticyclone still covered the Japanese Archipelago on July 21 and brought extremely hot weather of the temperature over 35 degree Celsius continuously around the Kanto-Koshin and the Tokai regions. In Kofu region, the highest temperature of 40.4 degrees Celsius was recorded past 1:00 pm in the afternoon, which was the second highest temperature ever recorded by the nationwide meteorological observatories and weather stations. The highest temperature ever was 40.8 degrees Celsius recorded in Yamagata region in 1933.

 

添削

 

A strong Pacific anticyclone still covered the Japanese Archipelago on July 21 and brought extremely hot weather of the temperature over 35 degree Celsius still continuing continuously around in the Kanto-Koshin and the Tokai regions1. In the Kofu region, the highest temperature of 40.4 degrees Celsius was recorded at2 past 1:00 pm in the afternoon, which was the second highest temperature ever recorded by the nationwide meteorological observatories and weather stations. The highest temperature ever was 40.8 degrees Celsius recorded in the Yamagata region in 1933.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       in the Kanto-Koshin (region) and the Tokai regionの省略ですから単数になります。

 

2.       「午後一時過ぎ」は「午後一時を少し過ぎた頃」、「午後一時ごろ」ですから、単にat 1:00 pmでよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A strong Pacific anticyclone still covered the Japanese Archipelago on July 21 and brought extremely hot weather of the temperature over 35 degree Celsius still continuing in the Kanto-Koshin and the Tokai region. In the Kofu region, the highest temperature of 40.4 degrees Celsius was recorded at 1:00 pm, which was the second highest temperature ever recorded by the nationwide meteorological observatories and weather stations. The highest temperature ever was 40.8 degrees Celsius recorded in the Yamagata region in 1933.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、18 August 07

 

High atmospheric pressure from the continent, which was over Japan islands on July 21st, made Japanese islands continue to be over 35 degree in temperature around the Kantokoshin and the Tokai districts. 40.8 degree in temperature was recorded in Kofu city around 1:00 pm. The temperature was the second highest in the observations by observatories and meteorological stations in Japan. The highest temperature is 40.8 degree, which was observed at the Yamagata city.

 

添削

 

A strong Hhigh atmospheric pressure area from the continent, which was over covered the  Japanese iIslands on July 21st and kept the temperature, made Japanese islands continue to be at over 35 degrees Celsius in temperature around  in the Kantokoshin and the Tokai districts2. The temperature of 40.84 degrees Celsius3 in temperature was recorded in Kofu cCity around 1:00 pm. The This temperature was the second highest on record observed by in the observations by observatories and meteorological observatories and stations in Japan. The highest temperature is was 40.8 degrees Celsius1, which was observed at the Yamagata cCity.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが、The highest temperature is 40.8 degree1isと現在形になっているので、この現在の酷暑の中での最高気温か、歴史上の最高温度か、混乱します。また、甲府で最高気温が40.8度となっているのも混乱の原因です。

 

2.       in the Kantokosin district and the Tokai districtin the Kantokoshin and Tokai districtと省略できます。

 

3.       文の始めに数字があると読みにくいので添削のようにするとよいでしょう。世界には米国のように未だに温度に華氏を使っている国があるので、摂氏と入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A strong high pressure area from the continent covered the Japanese Islands on July 21st and kept the temperature at over 35 degrees Celsius in the Kantokoshin and Tokai district. The temperature of 40.4 degrees Celsius was recorded in Kofu City around 1:00 pm. This  was the second highest on record observed by meteorological observatories and stations in Japan. The highest temperature was 40.8 degrees Celsius observed at Yamagata City.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、8 August 07

 

Japanese islands were covered with strong high pressure system in the Pacific Ocean on July 21. Extreme hot days over 35 degrees continued around Kanto-koshinetsu and Tokai district. Shortly after one o'clock in the afternoon, the temperature of 40.4 degrees was recorded in Kofu City. This took second place in the highest temperature  weather stations throughout country had observed. The top temperature was 40.8 degrees that had been observed in Yamagata in 1933.

 

添削

 

The Japanese iIslands1 were covered with a strong high pressure system in the Pacific Ocean on July 21. Extremely hot days of over 35 degrees Celsius continued around in the Kanto-koshinetsu and Tokai district. Shortly after one o'clock in the afternoon, the temperature of 40.4 degrees was recorded in Kofu City. This took was the second place in the highest temperature in history2 since weather stations started recording temperatures throughout country had observed. The top highest temperature was 40.8 degrees Celsius that had been observed recorded in Yamagata in 1933.

 

コメント

 

1.       固有名詞としての日本列島はthe Japanese Islandsまたはthe Japanese Archipelagoとします。

 

2.       This was the second highest temperature.と簡単に表現したほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Japanese Islands were covered with a strong high pressure system in the Pacific Ocean on July 21. Extremely hot days of over 35 degrees Celsius continued in the Kanto-koshinetsu and Tokai district. Shortly after one o'clock in the afternoon, the temperature of 40.4 degrees was recorded in Kofu City. This was the second highest temperature in history since weather stations started recording temperatures. The highest temperature was 40.8 degrees Celsius that had been recorded in Yamagata in 1933.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(kappa2004, 6 April 07

 

Japan was covered a strong high pressure of the Pacific Ocean on July 21. Higher temperature more than 35 degree C was continued in the area of Kanto-Koshin and Tohkai district. It was recorded at 40.4 degree C around 13:00 in Kohfu . The second highest temperature was recorded among all the meteorological observatory and stations in Japan. The highest temperature record was 40.8 degree C in 1933 in Yamagara.  

 

添削

 

Japan was covered by a strong high pressure of from the Pacific Ocean on July 21. Higher The air temperature1 of more higher than 35 degrees C was continued in the area of Kanto-Koshin and Tohkai district. It Kofu City2 was recorded at 40.4 degrees C around 13:00 in Kohfu .This was Tthe second highest temperature was ever recorded among by all the meteorological observatory and stations in Japan. The highest temperature of 40.8 degrees C was recorded was 40.8 degree C in 1933 in Yamagara City in 1933.  

 

コメント

 

1.       temperatureにはいろいろあるので、気温、the air temperatureとするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       天気予報で甲府というのは甲府市のことです。Kofu Cityを主語にすると文がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japan was covered by a strong high pressure from the Pacific Ocean on July 21. The air temperature of higher than 35 degrees C continued in the Kanto-Koshin and Tohkai district. Kofu City recorded 40.4 degrees C around 13:00. This was the second highest temperature ever recorded by all meteorological observatory and stations in Japan. The highest temperature of 40.8 degrees C was recorded in Yamagara City in 1933.  

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、24 February 05

 

A powerful high atmospheric pressure in the Pacific Ocean continued to cover the Japanese archipelago on July 21, bringing heat waves of more than 35 degrees centigrade mainly to the Kanto, Koetsu and Tokai districts. Shortly after 1:00 p.m. in Kofu City, the temperature went up to 40.4 degrees, the second highest ever recorded in meteorological observatories and weather stations nationwide. The highest ever was 40.8 degrees recorded in Yamagata in 1933.

 

添削

 

A powerful high atmospheric pressure in the Pacific Ocean continued to cover the Japanese aArchipelago on July 21, bringing heat waves of more than 35 degrees centigrade Celsius mainly to the Kanto, Koetsu and Tokai districts1. Shortly after 1:00 p.m. in Kofu City, the temperature went up to 40.4 degrees in Kofu City, the second highest ever recorded in meteorological observatories and weather stations nationwide. The highest ever was 40.8 degrees recorded in Yamagata in 1933.

 

コメント

 

1.       「日本列島は7月21日も強い太平洋高気圧に覆われ、関東甲信や東海地方を中心に35度以上の猛暑が続いた。」の「覆われ」のような動詞の形で文をつないでいくのは日本文の特徴です。このような文の内容を英語で表現するときには、日本文の前後の関係をよく調べます。日本文が長いときはここで一度文を切って、後ろの部分を新しい文にすると簡単になります。この練習問題では、~ continued to cover the Japanese Archipelago and brought heat waves ~と簡単につなげることもできます。マウントさんは ~ continued to cover the Japanese Archipelago, bringing heat waves ~として、文の前後の関係を密接にして、日本文の感じに近くしています。

 

添削後の文章

 

A powerful high atmospheric pressure in the Pacific Ocean continued to cover the Japanese Archipelago on July 21, bringing heat waves of more than 35 degrees Celsius mainly to the Kanto, Koetsu and Tokai districts. Shortly after 1:00 p.m., the temperature went up to 40.4 degrees in Kofu City, the second highest ever recorded in meteorological observatories and weather stations nationwide. The highest ever was 40.8 degrees recorded in Yamagata in 1933.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NOMU, 14 August 04

 

A Powerful Pacific high pressure covered Japanese archipelago again and the temperature hardly went below 35 degree in Kanto, Koshin and Tokai area on July 21. In Kofu city, the temperature recorded 40.4 degree shortly after 1:00p.m. This was the second highest record that has ever been recorded at meteorological observatories throughout Japan. The highest record is 40.8 degree observed in Yamagata in 1933.

 

添削

 

On July 21,Aa Powerful strong Pacific high pressure covered the Japanese aArchipelago  again and the temperature hardly went below daily highs1 reached above2 35 degrees Celsius3 in the Kanto, Koshin and Tokai area regions on July 21. In Kofu cCity, the temperature recorded 40.4 degrees Celsius shortly after 1:00 p.m. This was the second highest record that has had ever been recorded at meteorological observatories throughout Japan. The highest record is was4 40.8 degrees Celsius observed in Yamagata City in 1933.

 

コメント

 

1.       「日中の最高温度」a daily highを使うと正確になります。

 

2.       Reached above Aと能動的な表現にしたほうがはっきりします。

 

3.       華氏を使う国は少ないですが、米国がいまだに華氏を使っているので、念のために35 degrees Celsiusとしたほうがよいでしょう。

 

4.       「現在までの最高気温」ですが、実際にこの温度が記録されたのが1933年なので、過去形になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 21,a strong Pacific high pressure covered the Japanese archipelagoes again and  daily highs reached above 35 degrees Celsius in the Kanto, Koshin and Tokai regions . In Kofu City, the temperature recorded 40.4 degrees Celsius shortly after 1:00 p.m. This was the second highest record that had ever been recorded at meteorological observatories throughout Japan. The highest record was 40.8 degrees Celsius observed in Yamagata City in 1933.

 

 

初級問題 163

 

伝統技術で建てた「徳島すぎ」の民家は約70年たっても震度6強の揺れに耐えることが、県内の林業関係五社でつくるTSウッドハウス協同組合が昨年11月に行った倒壊実験の結果から分かった。伝統建築は剛性(固さ)などが低い半面、変形性能(粘り強さ)が高いという特性を実証した。

 

読者からの投稿 12(BURU, 10 April 16

 

The TS Wooden house association, which was organized by the five companies related forest industry in Tokushima Prefecture, conducted the experiment for earthquake resistance to the private house last November. The report of the experiment showed that the house was still safe under the intensity 6 upper on Japanese earthquake scale. The house also was built by a traditional technique and used Japanese cedar called “Tokushima Sugi” It was also found that the traditional houses had had the original characteristic which was both the low stiffness (Hardness) and the high deformation performance (Viscosity) .

 

添削

 

The TS Wooden hHouse aAssociation, which was organized by the five companies related the forest industry in Tokushima Prefecture, conducted the experiment for earthquake resistance of to the a private house last November. The report of tThe experiment showed that the house build by a traditional technique by using the Japanese cedar called “Tokushima sugi”1 was still safe under the intensity of upper 6 upper on the Japanese earthquake scale. The house also was built by a traditional technique and used Japanese cedar called “Tokushima Sugi” It was also found that the traditional houses had had the original characteristic which was both the low stiffness (Hhardness) but and the high deformation-resistance performance (Vviscosity) .

 

コメント

 

文章を良く読めば内容を理解できます。

 

1.       このような民家であることが大切なところですから、文章のここに入れます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The TS Wooden House Association, which was organized by five companies related the forest industry in Tokushima Prefecture, conducted the experiment for earthquake resistance of a private house last November. The experiment showed that the house build by a traditional technique by using the Japanese cedar called “Tokushima sugi” was safe under the intensity of upper 6 on the Japanese earthquake scale. It was also found that the traditional house had low stiffness (hardness) but high deformation-resistance performance (viscosity) .

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(OKEN, 30 March 13

 

TS Wood House cooperative union established by five forestry companies in Tokushima Prefecture examined the risk of collapse about houses November last year. The results showed that “Tokushima Sugi(cedar)” houses built by traditional techniques could withstand shaking with a seismic intensity of six upper even though they were about 70 years old. The results also proved  their characteristics that the traditional houses had high deformation performance(tenacity) while they had low stiffness property (hardness)

 

添削

 

TS Wood House cCooperative union established by five forestry companies in Tokushima Prefecture examined the risk of collapse of about houses by an earthquake in November last year. The results showed that “Tokushima Sugi(cedar)” houses built by traditional techniques could withstand an earthquake of shaking with a seismic intensity of six upper even though they were about 70 years old. The results also proved  their characteristics that the traditional houses had high resistance again deformation performance(tenacity) but while they had low stiffness property (hardness).

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

TS Wood House Cooperative established by five forestry companies in Tokushima Prefecture examined the risk of collapse of houses by an earthquake in November last year. The results showed that “Tokushima Sugi(cedar)” houses built by traditional techniques could withstand an earthquake of intensity of six upper even though they were about 70 years old. The results also proved that the traditional houses had high resistance again deformation (tenacity) but they had low stiffness (hardness).

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 27 March 13

 

A Tokushima Cedar house built by the traditional technology could endure an earthquake with an intensity of over six, according to a result of a collapse experiment which proceeded by TS Wood House Cooperative on last November, which is formed by five forestry companies in Tokushima Prefecture. This report showed that a traditional house has low hardness. On the other hand, it has toughness.

 

添削

 

A Tokushima Cedar house built by the traditional technology could endure an earthquake with an the intensity of over six, according to a result of a collapse experiment which was conducted proceeded by TS Wood House Cooperative on last November, which was is formed by five forestry companies in Tokushima Prefecture. This experiment report showed that a traditional house had has low hardness but . On the other hand, it has high resistance to deformation toughness.

 

コメント

 

最後のhardnesstoughnessの差別がわかりません。添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A Tokushima Cedar house built by the traditional technology could endure an earthquake with the intensity of over six, according to a result of a collapse experiment which was conducted by TS Wood House Cooperative last November, which was formed by five forestry companies in Tokushima Prefecture. This experiment showed that a traditional house had low hardness but high resistance to deformation .

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(かい、21 April 11

 

The TS Wood House Cooperative Association composed by five companies in Tokushima Prefecture that have relation with forestry conducted an experiment in collapsing buildings last November. According to the experiment, a “Tokushima-cedar” private house built by a traditional technology can withstand a temblor of an intensity 6 upper even if the house has been built for more than about 70 years. The experiment also proved characteristic features that a rigidity (stiffness) was weak , whereas a deformation performance (persistence) was strong in a traditional architecture.

 

添削

 

The TS Wood House Cooperative Association composed by of five companies in the forest products industry1 in Tokushima Prefecture that have relation with forestry conducted an experiment in of collapsing a house buildings last November. According to the experiment, a “Tokushima-cedar” private house built by the a traditional technology can withstand an temblor earthquake of an intensity 6 upper even if the house was has been built for more than about 70 years ago. The experiment also proved the characteristic features of a traditional Japanese house that a rigidity (stiffness) was weak , whereas a the deformation performance (persistence) was strong. in a traditional architecture.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       直截な表現のほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The TS Wood House Cooperative Association composed of five companies in the forest products industry in Tokushima Prefecture conducted an experiment of collapsing a house  last November. According to the experiment, a “Tokushima-cedar” house built by the  traditional technology can withstand an earthquake of intensity 6 upper even if the house was built more than 70 years ago. The experiment also proved the characteristic features of a traditional Japanese house that rigidity (stiffness) was weak whereas the deformation performance (persistence) was strong.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 31 January 10

 

A destructive test conducted by the TS Woodhouse Cooperative, a group of five forestry  firms in Tokushima Prefecture, in November last year showed that a 70 year-old house was able to withstand an earthquake in the upper 6 level on the Japanese earthquake scale. The house tested was a traditional wooden building made of Tokushima cedar. The test successfully demonstrated the characteristics of traditional Japanese houses that they were low in rigidity (hardness) but high in deformation performance (persistence).

 

添削

 

A destructiveon test conducted by the TS Woodhouse Cooperative, a group of five forestry products firms in Tokushima Prefecture, in November last year proved showed that a 70 year-old traditional Japanese house made of Tokushima cedar1 was able to withstand an earthquake in the upper 6 level on the Japanese earthquake scale. The house tested was a traditional wooden building made of Tokushima cedar. The test successfully demonstrated the characteristics of traditional Japanese houses that they were low in rigidity (hardness) but high in deformation performance (persistence).

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       この情報はキーセンテンスに入れたほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A destruction test conducted by the TS Woodhouse Cooperative, a group of five forestry products firms in Tokushima Prefecture, in November last year proved that a 70 year-old traditional Japanese house made of Tokushima cedar was able to withstand an earthquake in the upper 6 level on the Japanese earthquake scale. The test successfully demonstrated the characteristics of traditional Japanese houses that they were low in rigidity (hardness) but high in deformation performance (persistence).

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 16 March 09

 

The TS Woodhouse Cooperative consisted of 5 forestry companies in Tokushima Prefecture had carried out an experiment of collapsing houses on November last year. The result showed us that a private house constructed by traditional technology with local ciders withstood vibration of intensity 6 upper even after 70 years. This experiment proved that traditional houses have a characteristic of weaker rigidity and stronger stickiness than modern houses.

 

添削

 

The TS Woodhouse Cooperative, composed consisted of 5 five forestry companies in Tokushima Prefecture, had carried out an experiment of collapsing houses on November last year. The results showed us that a detached1 private house constructed by the traditional method technology with the local ciders withstood the vibration of intensity of 6 upper six of an earthquake2 even after 70 years. This experiment has proved that traditional houses have a characteristic of weaker rigidity and stronger stickiness than modern houses.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       an detached house「一戸建て」とするとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       of an earthquakeとしないと、何の振動かわかりません。

 

添削後の文章

 

TS Woodhouse Cooperative, composed of five forestry companies in Tokushima Prefecture, had carried out an experiment of collapsing houses on November last year. The results showed us that a detached house constructed by the traditional method with the local cider withstood the vibration of intensity of upper six of an earthquake even after 70 years. This experiment has proved that traditional houses have a characteristic of weaker rigidity and stronger stickiness than modern houses.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 18 Aug 18

 

Traditional Japanese houses made of "Tokushima-cedar" built by conventional methods can endure the quake of the intensity of six upper even over 70 years after their construction. This finding has resulted from collapse experiments conducted last November by TS Wood House Cooperative of five forestry companies in Tokushima Prefecture. The results verified that the traditional architectures featured in less rigidity (hardness-wise) but more flexibility (tenacity-wise).

 

添削

 

Traditional Japanese houses made of "Tokushima-cedar" built by conventional methods can endure the earthquakes2 of the intensity of six upper even over 70 years after their construction. This was found3 finding has resulted last November by a from collapse experiments conducted last November by TS Wood House Cooperative (a group of five forestry companies in Tokushima Prefecture). The finding4 results has verified the characteristics of that the traditional Japanese houses5 that architectures featured they have in less rigidity (hardness-wise) but more flexibility (tenacity-wise).

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       在来工法による、ということですが、traditional Japanese housesとあるので省略してよいでしょう。

 

2.       70年の間には震度6強の揺れが何度かあったでしょうから複数がよいでしょう。

 

3.       このほうが簡単な表現です。

 

4.       This was found ~とあるのでこれに対応してthe findingとします。

 

5.       rigidity, flexibilityがテクニカルな言葉なので、ここにこのような補足説明を入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Traditional Japanese houses made of "Tokushima-cedar" built can endure earthquakes of the intensity of six upper over 70 years after their construction. This was found last November by a collapse experiment conducted by TS Wood House Cooperative (a group of five forestry companies in Tokushima Prefecture). The finding has verified the characteristics of traditional Japanese houses that they have less rigidity (hardness-wise) but more flexibility (tenacity-wise).

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、20 August 07

 

The collapse test executed last November by TS wood house association composed of five forest industry companies in the prefecture showed private hoses made of "Tokushima Sugi" with the traditional methods could be tolerable against intensity 6 if the house was built about 70 years ago. The result demonstrated the feature that the traditional architecture was not robust but flexible.

 

添削

 

The collapse test executed last November by TS wood house association composed of five forest industry companies in the prefecture showed private hoses made of "Tokushima Sugi" with the traditional methods could be tolerable against intensity 6 if the house was built about 70 years ago1. The result test also demonstrated the feature that the traditional Japanese house was weak in hardness but strong in deformation resistance architecture was not robust but flexible.

 

コメント

 

1.       下線(1)の文章は関係代名詞を省略したので、executed, composed, showedの三つの動詞の関係がよくわからなくなりました。したがって文の内容もわかりません。文の内容を小文に分解するのがよいでしょう。TS Wood Co-op, a group of five lumber companies in Tokushima Prefecture, conducted a crash test of a traditional Japanese house that was build with Tokushima cedar. The test showed that the house could stand an earthquake with an intensity of six upper even 70 years after the house had been built.

 

2.       「伝統建築は剛性(固さ)などが低い半面、変形性能(粘り強さ)が高いという特性を実証した。」をnot robust but flexibleと簡単に表現したのはよいですが、robustが「頑丈」一般を意味するので、この日本文の内容と一致しないようです。私も辞書をいろいろ調べて、添削のような専門用語を使うより仕方がない、ということになりました。

 

添削後の文章

 

TS Wood Co-op, a group of five lumber companies in Tokushima Prefecture, conducted a crash test of a traditional Japanese house that was build with Tokushima cedar. The test showed that the house could stand an earthquake with an intensity of six upper even 70 years after the house had been built. The test also demonstrated that the traditional Japanese house was weak in hardness but strong in deformation resistance .

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、9 August 07

 

TS wood house cooperative union of five companies related to forest industry did an experiment on housing collapse last November. According to its results, a house of Tokushima cedar built with traditional skills withstood shaker with an intensity 6 upper even if it was 70 years since the house had been built. The experiment proved that traditional housings had a special quality. They has not high stiffness, but good flexibility.

 

添削

 

TS wWood hHouse cCooperative1 union of five companies related to lumber businesses2 forest industry did conducted an experiment on the durability of a traditional Japanese housing house3 collapse last November. According to its results, a house built with of Tokushima cedar built with traditional skills  could withstand withstood  an earthquake shaker with an intensity 6 upper even if it was 70 years since the house had been built. The experiment proved that the traditional Japanese house housings had has4 a special quality characteristics.: They It has does not have high stiffness, but has good flexibility.

 

コメント

1.       固有名詞なので大文字にします。

 

2.       林業関係とありますが、植林ではなく製材のほうでしょうから、添削のようにしたほうがよいでしょう。

 

3.       housingは住居一般を指し、Housing prices doubled over the last ten years. Poor housing is a serious social problem.のように使います。a houseは具体的な建造物としての家を指します。

 

4.       現在でも通用することなので現在形にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

TS Wood House Cooperative of five companies related to lumber businesses conducted an experiment on the durability of a traditional Japanese house last November. According to its results, a house built with Tokushima cedar could withstand an earthquake with an intensity 6 upper even if it was 70 years since the house had been built. The experiment proved that the traditional Japanese house has special characteristics: It does not have high stiffness but has good flexibility.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(kappa2004, 6 April 07

 

It was found that home houses built with “Tokushima cider” in traditional technique before 70 years old could stand the swing of the earthquake of grade 6 plus. It revealed by the result of the destruction test made by TS woodhouse corp consisting of five wood industry companies in the prefecture in last January

 

A traditional architecture proved that it has characteristics of low rigidness (solid) but high deformation (persistency).

 

添削

 

It was found that home houses built with “Tokushima cider” in by the traditional technique before 70 years old could stand the swings of the an earthquake of the intensity 6 upper on the Japanese scale of 71 grade 6 plus even seventy years after they had been built2. It This was revealed by a the result of the destruction test made conducted last November by TS wWoodhouse Co-op corp consisting of five wood industry companies in the prefecture in last January.

 

A traditional architecture house has proved that it has characteristics of low rigidness rigidity (solidness) but high deformation resistance (persistency resilience).

 

コメント

 

1.       「震度6強」の技術的な表現はこうなります。地震の強さの測り方は、地震の〈震源における〉大きさとある場所で観測される揺れの強さと二つあるので、技術的な表現を使うと明確になります。

 

2.       「約70年たって」は「家屋が建てられてから70年経ったあとでも」と表現するとよいでしょう。共同組合は多分このような民家を見つけて実験を行ったのでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

It was found that houses built with “Tokushima cider” by the traditional technique could stand the swings of an earthquake of the intensity 6 upper on the Japanese scale of 7 even seventy years after they had been built. This was revealed by a destruction test conducted last November by TS Woodhouse Co-op consisting of five wood industry companies in the prefecture .

 

A traditional house has proved that it has characteristics of low rigidity (solidness) but high deformation resistance ( resilience).

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、26 February 05

 

Houses of "Tokushima cedar" built in accordance with traditional technology can withstand the intensity 6 upper on the Japanese scale of 7 even when they are about 70 years old.  This was revealed by the result of an experiment on the collapse of houses done last November by TS Wood House Cooperative Association which is comprised of 5 companies in the forestry industry in Tokushima Prefecture. This was a proof of such characteristics of traditional buildings as lacking in enough rigidity (solidness) but having a high degree of deformation quality (tenacity).

 

添削

 

Houses of  built with "Tokushima cedar" built in accordance with traditional technology can withstand the intensity 6 of upper  6 on the Japanese earthquake scale of 7 even when they are about 70 years old. This was revealed by the result of1 an experiment on of the collapse collapsibility2 of houses done last November by the TS Wood House Cooperative Association which is was comprised of 5 five companies in the forestry industry in Tokushima Prefecture. This was is a proof of such characteristics of that3 traditional buildings Japanese houses lack as lacking in enough rigidity (solidness) but having have a high degree of anti-deformation quality (tenacity).

 

コメント

 

これは省略できます。

 

collapseすることの性質、collapsibility、とするとよいでしょう。

 

that節を使って従属節の主語を「日本の伝統技法による家屋」にすると表現が簡単でわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Houses built with "Tokushima cedar" in accordance with traditional technology can withstand the intensity of upper 6 on the Japanese earthquake scale of 7 even when they are about 70 years old. This was revealed by an experiment of the collapsibility of houses done last November by the TS Wood House Cooperative Association which was comprised of five companies in the forestry industry in Tokushima Prefecture. This is a proof that traditional Japanese houses lack rigidity (solidness) but have a high degree of anti-deformation quality (tenacity).

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NOMU, 16 August 04

 

TS Woodhouse cooperative association of five forestry related companies conducted a collapse experiment on the strength of wooden houses last November and found that a seventy-year old 'Tokushima' cedar house constructed with the traditional technology can withstand the jolt of intensity 6 on the Japanese scale of 7. This result verified that traditional architecture is less rigid but more resilient than modern architecture.

 

添削

 

The TS Woodhouse cCooperative aAssociation1 of five forestry- related companies Tokushima Prefecture conducted a collapse experiment on the strength of wooden houses last November and found that a seventy-year old 'Tokushima' cedar house constructed with the traditional Japanese technology can withstand the jolt of intensity 6 on the Japanese earthquake scale of 7. This result verified that traditional architecture Japanese houses2 is are less rigid but more resilient than modern architecture western-style houses.

 

コメント

 

1.       固有名詞に変えました。

 

2.       伝統工法による(木造)日本家屋と具体的にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The TS Woodhouse Cooperative Association of five forestry-related companies Tokushima Prefecture conducted a collapse experiment on the strength of wooden houses last November and found that a seventy-year old 'Tokushima' cedar house constructed with the traditional Japanese technology can withstand the jolt of intensity 6 on the Japanese earthquake scale of 7. This result verified that traditional Japanese houses are less rigid but more resilient than modern western-style houses.

 

 

初級問題 164

 

総務省は7月23日、IP電話の通話記録の流出が発覚したインターネット接続サービス業者、ソフトバンクBBの孫正義社長を呼び、情報の適正管理の徹底を求める行政指導の文書を手渡した。

 

読者からの投稿 11(BURU, 11 April 16

 

The ministry of home affair called Mr. Masayoshi Son, President Soft Bank BB which is internet provider, on July 23. The company was found the leakage of telephone records by IP Phone. The authority handed over the company a warming letter. It instructed the company to manage the date strictly.

 

添削

 

The mMinistry of hHome aAffairs called in Mr. Masayoshi Son, Ppresident of Soft Bank BB which is was an internet provider, on July 23. The company was found the leakage of telephone records by IP Phone. The authority and handed over the company a warming letter. It instructed the company to manage its the date strictly. The company was found to have leaked telephone records of its IP phone services.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかりますが、添削のように何故孫社長が喚ばれたのかを最初の文で説明すると良いでしょう

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Home Affairs called in Mr. Masayoshi Son, president of Soft Bank BB which  was an internet provider, on July 23 and handed over a warming letter to manage its date strictly. The company was found to have leaked telephone records of its IP phone services.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 28 March 13

 

Ministry of Public Management, Home Affairs, Post and Telecommunications summoned SoftBank BB president Masayoshi Son, whose Internet provider company was revealed the leak of IP phone's calling record, and handed him an administrative guidance that the government required the completion of reasonable information management.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of Public Management, Home Affairs, Post and Telecommunications summoned SoftBank BB president, Mr. Masayoshi Son, whose Internet provider company was revealed to have the leaked of IP phone's calling records, and handed him an administrative guidance that the company was government required to implement strict the completion of reasonable information management1.

 

コメント

 

内容のほぼすべてがわかりますが、最後の文は分かり難いです。

 

1.       the companyを主語にして後半を投稿よりもっと厳しい内容にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Public Management, Home Affairs, Post and Telecommunications summoned SoftBank BB president, Mr. Masayoshi Son, whose Internet provider company was revealed to have leaked IP phone's calling records, and handed him an administrative guidance that the company was required to implement strict information management.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(かい、22 April 11

 

On July 23, the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications summoned Son Masayoshi , the president of Softbank BB, an Internet provider that had reaked telephone records of an IP telephone and handed over the document for the administrative direction calling for the company's ensuring a proper management of an information.

 

添削

 

On July 23, the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications summoned Mr.1 Son Masayoshi , the president of Softbank BB, an Internet provider that had reaked leaked telephone records of an its IP telephone services and handed over a the document for the administrative direction calling for the company's ensuring a proper management of an its information.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       人名であることがわかるようにMr.をつけます。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 23, the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications summoned Mr. Son Masayoshi , the president of Softbank BB, an Internet provider that had leaked telephone records of its IP telephone services and handed over a document for the administrative direction calling for the company's ensuring proper management of its information.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 31 January 10

 

On July 23, the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications handed the written administrative guidance over to Son Masayoshi, the president of a leading internet service provider, Softbank BB, asking for the company thorough control of information. There had recently been a leakage of personal records of IP phone calls out of the company.

 

添削

 

On July 23, the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications called in Mr. Son Masayoshi1, president of Softtbank BB, a leading Internet service provider, to its office and gave him handed the written an administrative guidance in writing over to Son Masayoshi, the president of a leading internet service provider, Softbank BB, asking for telling the company to tighten the thorough control of its information. Recently, Tthere had recently been a leakage of personal records of IP phone calls out of the company.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「孫正義社長を呼び」とありますが、単に文書を送付したのではなく、本人を呼び出して警告する、というのはそれなりの意味があるのでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 23, the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications called in Mr. Son Masayosh, president of Softtbank BB, a leading Internet service provider, to its office and gave him an administrative guidance in writing telling the company to tighten the control of its information. Recently, there had recently been a leakage of personal records of IP phone calls out of the company.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 16 March 09

 

On July 23, Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications called for Mr. Masayoshi Son who is the president of Softbank BB which supplies internet-access services. The Ministry passed him the document of administrative direction for ordering them to complete information control because IP call logs they served were found out to be leaked from the company recently.

 

添削

 

On July 23, Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications called for in Mr. Masayoshi Son who is was the president of Softbank BB which was a provider of supplies internet-access services. The Ministry gave1 passed him a written the document of administrative direction to tighten the security for ordering them to complete information control. This was because IP call the logs of IP phones they services served were found out to have been leaked from the company recently.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますがpassed him a document of ~という表現が弱いです。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 23, Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications called in Mr. Masayoshi Son who was president of Softbank BB which was a provider of internet-access services. The Ministry gave him a written administrative direction to tighten the security for information control. This was because the logs of IP phones they services were found out to have been leaked from the company recently.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 18 Aug 08

 

The Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications called in Mr. Masayoshi Son, president of the Softbank BB, and handed out the administrative document that asked for the thorough appropriate management of information on July 23. The Softbank BB is an Internet service provider which recently was brought to light for letting out the call logs on IP phone.

 

添削

 

On July 231, Tthe Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications called in Mr. Masayoshi Son, president of the Softbank BB, and handed out him a written order the administrative document that asked him to conduct for the thorough and appropriate management of information on July 23. The Softbank BB is an Internet service provider which was recently was brought to light for leaking letting out confidential information on the its call logs on of IP phone services.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       長い文なので何処に日時を入れるか迷いますが、この文章は事実の報道なので、新聞記事のスタイルにならって文の最初に入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 23, the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications called in Mr. Masayoshi Son, president of Softbank BB, and handed him a written order that asked him to conduct  thorough and appropriate management of information. Softbank BB is an Internet service provider which was recently brought to light for leaking confidential information on its call logs of IP phone services.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、21 August 07

 

On July 23rd, Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications brought up Mr. Masayoshi Son, the president of the Soft bank BB which was an internet service provider, and handed to him an administrative direction which strongly requested the administration of information, because information leaks of IP telephone records were detected on the Soft bank BB.

 

添削

 

On July 23rd, the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications called in brought up Mr. Masayoshi Son, the2 president of the Soft bank BB, which was an internet service provider, and handed to him an administrative direction which strongly requested that the administration of information should be tightened1., This was because information leaks of IP telephone records were detected discovered at on the Soft bank BB.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが、which strongly requested the administration of informationの中身がわかりません。

 

2.       役名は通常は定冠詞を省略します。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 23rd, the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications called in Mr. Masayoshi Son, president of the Soft bank BB, which was an internet service provider, and handed to him an administrative direction which strongly requested that the administration of information should be tightened. This was because leaks of IP telephone records were discovered at the Soft bank BB.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、10 August 07

 

The Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications called Masayoshi Son, president of Softbank BB which is an Internet service provider on July 23 as the telephone records of IP phone had run off from the company. It gave him the administrative information which asked for appropriate management of information.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications called in Mr.1 Masayoshi Son, president of Softbank BB which is an Internet service provider on July 23 and warned him in writing that the company should strictly control the personal information of its customers2 because as the telephone records of its IP phone services had run been leaked off from the company. It gave him the administrative information which asked for appropriate management of information.

 

コメント

 

1.       人名にはMr. などを付けて、人名であることをはっきりするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       文章の要点の「行政指導の文書を手渡した」を文章の始めの方に、添削のように具体的に記述するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications called in Mr. Masayoshi Son, president of Softbank BB which is an Internet service provider on July 23 and warned him in writing that the company should strictly control the personal information of its customers because  the telephone records of its IP phone services had been leaked from the company.

 

読者からの投稿 3(kappa2004, 6 April 07

 

On July 23, the Ministry of General Affairs called a president Song Masayoshi of Softbank , an internet service provider which was found a drain of call records of IP telephone service and handed a document of administrative guidance requesting them for a thorough appropriate administration and control of information.

 

添削

 

On July 23, the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications1 General Affairs called a in president Song Masayoshi of Softbank, an internet service provider which was found guilty of leaking a drain of call records of its IP telephone service, and handed him a document of administrative guidance requesting them him to set up for a thorough and appropriate administrationve and information control procedures of information2.

 

コメント

 

1.       総務省は現在このような英語名称になっています。ウェブ検索で見つかります。

 

2.       添削のように説明するとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 23, the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications called in president Song Masayoshi of Softbank, an internet service provider which was found guilty of leaking call records of its IP telephone service, and handed him a document of administrative guidance requesting him to set up thorough and appropriate administrative and information control procedures.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、1 March 05

 

The Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications summoned on July 23 President Masayoshi Son of Softbank BB Corp., an Internet provider service company, and handed him documents on the administrative guidance which demanded that his company do everything possible to make sure the proper management of personal information. It had been found that there was a leakage of IP telephone records at the company.

 

添削

 

On July 23, Tthe Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications summoned on July 23 President Mr. Masayoshi Son, president of Softbank BB Corp., an Internet provider service company1, and handed gave him documents on the an administrative guidance2 in writing which demanded that his company should do everything possible to make sure that the proper management of personal information would be followed3. It had been recently found that there was a leakage of IP telephone records at from the company.

 

コメント

 

1.       姓名、役職、会社の補足説明が一般的な順序です。

 

2.       Gave him an administrative guidance と直裁に言ったほうが意味がはっきりします。

 

3.       Make something sure, make (it) sure that ~の形なのでthat以下は節になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 23, the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications summoned Mr. Masayoshi Son, president of Softbank BB Corp., an Internet provider service company, and gave him an administrative guidance in writing which demanded that his company should do everything possible to make sure that the proper management of personal information would be followed. It had been recently found that there was a leakage of IP telephone records from the company.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NOMU, 16 August 04

 

The Ministry of Public Management, Home affairs, Post and Telecommunication summoned Masayoshi Son, the president of Soft Bank BB on July 23 and handed an administrative guideline calling for full enforcement of appropriate management of information. It was found out that the telephone records of IP phones had been leaked from the company.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of Public Management, Home aAffairs, Post and Telecommunication summoned Mr. Masayoshi Son1, the president of Soft Bank BB on July 23 and handed an administrative guideline calling for full enforcement of appropriate management of more stringent control of its customer2 information. It was found out that the telephone records of its IP phones service users2 had been leaked from the company.

 

コメント

 

1.       人名にはMr. Mrs., Ms.などをつけると人名であることがはっきりします。

 

2.       説明を具体的にしたほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Public Management, Home Affairs, Post and Telecommunication summoned Mr. Masayoshi Son, president of Soft Bank BB on July 23 and handed an administrative guideline calling for more stringent control of its customer information. It was found out that the telephone records of its IP phone service users had been leaked from the company.

 

 

初級問題 165

 

大阪市の第三セクター「大阪港埠頭ターミナル」は7月23日、2002年2月から3月にかけて大阪港に輸入された米国産のブロッコリーに、米国産より安い中国産のブロッコリーを混ぜて出荷していたと発表した。

 

読者からの投稿 10(BURU, 18 April 16

 

Osaka Futo Terminal, which is a joint-public venture company of Osaka City, revealed news on July 23. The U.S. produced broccolis, imported at the port of Osaka between February and March 2002, was mixed in the China produced broccolis. The Chine one was cheaper than the U.S. one.

 

添削

 

Osaka Futo Port1 Terminal, which is a joint- private and public venture company of Osaka City, revealed news on July 23 that .the The U.S. produced broccolis, imported from the United States at the port of Osaka between February and March 2002, was were mixed with the in the China produced broccolis. Imported from China. The Chinese one was cheaper than the U.S. one.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       埠頭にある施設ということを英語名にも入れると良いでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Osaka Port Terminal, which is a joint private and public venture company of Osaka City, revealed on July 23 that the broccolis imported from the United States at the port of Osaka between February and March 2002 were mixed with the broccolis Imported from China. The Chinese one was cheaper than the U.S. one.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Valley winds, 28 March 13

 

Osaka Port Pier Terminal, which is a private finance initiative in Osaka City, announced on July 23 that they shipped broccolis imported to the Osaka Port from America from February to March on 2002 mixing Chinese broccolis cheaper rather than Americans.

 

添削

 

Osaka Port Pier Terminal, which is a private commercial finance initiative in Osaka City, announced on July 23 that they mixed broccolis from China into broccolis from the United States imported in February and March 2002 and sold1 them to the market as broccolis from the United States. The broccolis from China were cheaper than those from the United States shipped broccolis imported to the Osaka Port from America from February to March on 2002 mixing Chinese broccolis cheaper rather than Americans2.

 

コメント

 

この日本文は短いですが内容が複雑です。英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、添削のように中国産とアメリカ産の区別は明確にするとよいでしょう。

 

1.       会社の名前がOsaka Port Pier Terminalなのでshippedとすると、本当に船で出荷したように思えます(こういう場合もあるでしょうが)。

 

2.       ここでは先ず中国産のブロッコリーをアメリカ産のブロッコリーの混入して、全体をアメリカ産と偽って出荷したと、丁寧に説明するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Osaka Port Pier Terminal, which is a private commercial initiative in Osaka City, announced on July 23 that they mixed broccolis from China into broccolis from the United States imported in February and March 2002 and sold them to the market as broccolis from the United States. The broccolis from China were cheaper than those from the United States.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(かい、23 April 11

 

On July 23, the Osaka Port Terminal established by Osaka City and private enterprises in the form of joint public-private venture announced that American brocolis imported in Osaka Port from February to March 2002 had been mixed with Chinese brocolis less expensive than American and shipped.

 

添削

 

On July 23, the Osaka Port Terminal, which1 was established by Osaka City and private enterprises in the form of a joint public-private venture, announced that the American brocolisbroccolis imported from the United States2 into the Port of Osaka Port from February to March 2002 had been mixed with cheaper Chinese brocolisbroccolis from China when the Terminal sold them to wholesalers3 less expensive than American and shipped.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、わからないところがあります。

 

1.       補足説明なのでこのようにするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       American broccolisChinese broccolisという二つ種類があるようにもとれるので添削のようにします。

 

3.       混ぜた売った当事者が誰か、日本文でははっきりしませんが、ここでは大阪港埠頭ターミナルにしておきました。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 23, the Osaka Port Terminal, which was established by Osaka City and private enterprises in the form of a joint public-private venture, announced that the broccolis imported from the United States into the Port of Osaka from February to March 2002 had been mixed with cheaper broccolis from China when the Terminal sold them to wholesalers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 31 January 10

 

The Osaka Port Terminal, a joint public-private venture in Osaka City, announced on July 23 that the company had blended cheaper broccoli from China into the broccoli imported from the US during the period from February through March in 2002 and shipped it with a label of the US-grown broccoli.

 

添削

 

The Osaka Port Terminal, a joint public-private venture company in Osaka City, announced on July 23 that the company had blended cheaper broccoli from China into the more expensive broccoli imported from the US during the period from February through March in 2002 and shipped it labeled with a label of the products of the United States1 US-grown broccoli.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       このような表記が北米では一般的です。

 

The Osaka Port Terminal, a joint public-private venture company in Osaka City, announced on July 23 that the company had blended cheaper broccoli from China into more expensive broccoli imported from the US during the period from February through March in 2002 and shipped it labeled products of the United States.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 16 March 09

 

On July 23, the Osaka Port Terminal which is the quasi-public corporation of Osaka City announced that imported broccoli made in the United States had been mixtured by cheaper broccoli made in China there illegally and shipped inland Japan from February to March in 2002.

 

添削

 

On July 23, the Osaka Port Terminal which is the a quasi-public corporation of Osaka City announced that imported the broccoli imported from made in the United States had been mixtured mixed with by the cheaper broccoli imported from made in China there illegally and shipped to various markets in inland Japan from February to March, in 2002.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが、imported broccoli made in the United Statesという表現がわかり難いですね。添削のようにthe broccoli imported from the United Statesでよいいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 23, the Osaka Port Terminal which is a quasi-public corporation of Osaka City announced that the broccoli imported from the United States had been mixed with the cheaper broccoli imported from China there illegally and shipped to various markets in  Japan from February to March, 2002.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(kk, 20 Aug 08

 

On July 23, the Osaka Port Terminal, a joint public-private venture in Osaka City, announced that they had mixed American broccoli which was imported into Osaka port with Chinese broccoli which was cheaper than American one and had shipped it in the disguise of American broccoli from February over March in 2002.

 

添削

 

On July 23, the Osaka Port Terminal, a joint public-private venture in Osaka City, announced that they had mixed American broccoli which was imported into Osaka port1 with cheaper2 Chinese broccoli which was cheaper than American one and had shipped it in the disguised as of American broccoli from February to over March in 2002.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       日本文にはこの内容が入っていますが、英文では文脈からわかる、として省略しました。

 

2.       このようにすると文が簡単になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 23, the Osaka Port Terminal, a joint public-private venture in Osaka City, announced that they had mixed American broccoli with cheaper Chinese broccoli and had shipped it  disguised as American broccoli from February to March in 2002.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、10 August 07

 

The third-sector company in Osaka City, "Osaka Port Terminal " announced that it had mixed Chinese broccolis into American ones which were imported to Osaka Bay and shipped them between February and March in 2002.

 

添削

 

The A third-sector company in Osaka City, "Osaka Port Terminal, " announced that it had mixed cheap1 Chinese broccolis into with American ones which were was imported to the Port of Osaka Bay and shipped them it to customers2 between February and March in 2002.

 

コメント

 

1.       多分、中国産の方が安いのでこういうことをしたのでしょう。日本文にはありませんが追加して見ました。

 

2.       imported, the Port of Osakaと輸入に関する単語があるので、これらと混同しないように「顧客に出荷した」、としました。

 

添削後の文章

 

A third-sector company in Osaka City, "Osaka Port Terminal, " announced that it had mixed cheap Chinese broccoli with American one which was imported to the Port of Osaka and shipped it to customers between February and March in 2002.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kappa20047 April 07

 

On July 23, Osaka third sector “Osaka Port terminal” announced that they had shipped American imported broccoli during the period from February to March 2002 by blending cheaper Chinese broccoli.

 

添削

 

On July 23, the Osaka Terminal Port, Osaka a third sector organization in Osaka1 “Osaka Port terminal” announced that they had shipped American imported broccoli” by mixing broccoli imported from the United States with cheaper broccoli imported from China2 during the period from February to March 2002 by blending cheaper Chinese broccoli.

 

コメント

 

1.       the Osaka Terminal Port, a third sector organizationのように固有名詞を最初にして次にその説明を加える、という表現方法が一般的です。

 

2.       「米国産のブロッコリーに、米国産より安い中国産のブロッコリーを混ぜて出荷した。」は内容が複雑ですね。「米国産のブロッコリーに、米国産より安い中国産のブロッコリーを混ぜて、これを米国産ブロッコリーと偽って出荷した。」ということなので、添削のようにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 23, the Osaka Terminal Port, a third sector organization in Osaka announced that they had shipped “American broccoli” by mixing broccoli imported from the United States with cheaper broccoli imported from China during the period from February to March 2002.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、1 March 05

 

"The Osaka Port Terminal Co. Ltd.," a joint public-private venture in Osaka City, announced on July 23 that it had shipped US-made broccoli imported and mixed purposely with cheaper broccoli from China during the period between February and March, 2002.

 

添削

 

"The Osaka Port Terminal Co. Ltd1.," a joint public-private venture in Osaka City, announced on July 23 that it had shipped mixed broccoli from China into more expensive broccoli imported from the US2 US-made broccoli imported and mixed purposely with cheaper broccoli from China during the period between February and March, 2002 and shipped them to retailers as American broccoli2.

 

コメント

 

日本文では会社名をはっきりさせるためにカッコが使われていますが、英文ではコンマがあるので引用符は必要ありません。

 

事柄の順序を追って、まず中国産のブロッコリーを米国産のブロッコリーの混入した、そしてそれを米国産と偽って出荷した、とするとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Osaka Port Terminal Co. Ltd., a joint public-private venture in Osaka City, announced on July 23 that it had mixed broccoli from China into more expensive broccoli imported from the US during the period between February and March, 2002 and shipped them to retailers as American broccoli.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NOMU, 17 August 04

 

The third-sector corporation 'Osaka Port Wharf Terminal' of Osaka city announced on July 23 that it had mixed in Chinese grown broccolis in the shipment of U.S. grown broccolis that had been carried in Osaka port sometime from February to March in 2002. Chinese grown broccolis are less expensive than U.S. grown.

 

添削

 

Osaka Port Terminal1, a The third-sector corporation 'Osaka Port Wharf Terminal' of in Osaka cCity, announced on July 23 that it had mixed in Chinese- grown broccolis in with the shipment of U.S. grown broccolis in its shipment to wholesalers2 that had been carried in Osaka port sometime from between February to and March in 20023. Chinese grown broccolis are cheaper4  less expensive than U.S.- grown broccolis.

 

コメント

 

1.       固有名詞を先にして、つぎにその説明をする、が一般的な表現方法です。

 

2.       この説明は大切なので入れます。

 

3.       「この期間中に入荷したブロッコリー」にはbetween A and Bが適切でしょう。From A to Bとすると「この期間中毎日入荷したブロッコリー」という感じになります。

 

4.       はっきりとcheaperとしたほうがless expensiveより話が具体的になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Osaka Port Terminal, a third-sector corporation in Osaka City, announced on July 23 that it had mixed Chinese-grown broccolis with U.S. grown broccolis in its shipment to wholesalers between February and March in 2002. Chinese grown broccolis are cheaper than U.S.-grown broccolis.

 

 

初級問題 166

 

昨年一年間に自殺した人は前年より2,284人(7・1%)増えて34,427人となり、統計を取り始めた1978年以降、最も多かったことが7月22日、警察庁のまとめで分かった。 このうち負債や事業不振、生活苦などの「経済・生活問題」が動機とみられる自殺者は初めて8,000を超え8,897人と、過去最悪だった前年をさらに更新した。

 

読者からの投稿 12(BURU, 18 April 16

 

The number of suicides in last year increased 2,284 people (rose 7.1 percentages) compared with the previous year. The total number of suicides became 34,427 people. It was the highest number in the history. The number has started taking the statistic since 1978. It was aware of the announcement of the metropolitan police on July 22. Of this, the reason of suicide which was “the finance or the daily life issues” such as a debt, a business trouble or a hard living was over 8000 people. It was 8897 people. In addition, the number was renewed the worst recode of previous year.

 

添削

 

The number of suicides in the last year increased by 2,284 people (rose 7.1 percentages) from compared with the previous year. The total number of suicides became 34,427 people. It was the highest number in the history. since Tthe number of suicides began to be recorded has started taking the statistic since in 1978. It This was found aware of in the announcement by of the metropolitan police on July 22. Out of these suicides, Of this, the reason of suicides due to which was “the financeical or the daily life problems issues” such as a debts, a business troubles or a poverty hard living went was over 8000 people and reached. It was 8897 people. In addition, the This number was renewed the worst recoded of in the previous year.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略は推測できますが、The number has started taking the statistic since 1978. It was aware of the announcement of the metropolitan police on July 22の箇所は内容がわかりません。複雑な内容の日本文なので重要な所を簡単な文で表現すると良いでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of suicides in the last year increased by 2,284 people ( 7.1 percent) from the previous year. The total number of suicides became 34,427 people. It was the highest  since the number of suicides began to be recorded in 1978. This was found in the announcement by the metropolitan police on July 22. Out of these suicides, the suicides due to financial or daily life problems such as debts, business troubles or poverty went over 8000 people and reached 8897 people. This number renewed the worst recode in the previous year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(Valley winds, 28 March 13

 

The number of suicides last year was 34427 over 8000 more 2284 rather than the year after and was most since 1978, when the record had been started, according to the National Police Agency's report on July 22. The number of suicides who seemed to be due to their economic and living problem first recorded 8897 over 8000 and reached the highest so far rather than last year.

 

添削

 

The number of suicides last year was 34,427. That was over 8000 more 2,284 more rather than the previous year (a 7.1 percent increase) after and was the most since 1978, when the record had been started, according to the National Police Agency's report released on July 22. The number of suicides who that seemed to be due to their economic and living problems was first recorded 8,897 and exceeded over 8,000 for the first time and was well over and reached the highest reached so far rather than last year.

 

コメント

 

自殺数の表現が錯綜していてわかりません。このようなときは一番簡単な表現をするのがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of suicides last year was 34,42. That was 2,284 more than the previous year (a 7.1 percent increase) and was the most since 1978 when the record started, according to the National Police Agency's report released on July 22. The number of suicides that seemed to be due to economic and living problems was 8,897 and exceeded 8,000 for the first time and was well over the highest reached last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(OKEN, 29 March 12

 

The National Police Agency has released the following survey results on July 22. The number of people who committed a suicide was 34,427 and 2,284(7.1%) more than last year. This is the largest number since they began working up statistics in 1978. Of these victims, the number of people who seemed to commit a suicide due to problems with “personal reasons and financial matters” such as debts, business depression, hardships of life, was 8,897 and increased over 8,000. This number was more than last year, when it was the worst on

 

添削

 

The National Police Agency has released the following survey results on July 22. The number of people who committed a suicide last year1 was 34,427 and 2,284 (7.1%) more than the previous year last year. This was is the largest number of suicide since the National Police Agency2 they began collecting working up statistics in 1978. Of these victims, the number of people who seemed to have commit committed a suicide due to problems with of “personal reasons and financial matters” such as debts, business depression, the hardships of life, was 8,897 and exceeded increased over 8,000. This number was more than the previous last year, when it was the worst in the past on

 

コメント

 

内容はだいたいわかりますが、時期の比較が日本文と異なります。

 

1.       日本文に何年の自殺の統計かが明記してありませんが、「昨年一年間に自殺した人は前年より」となっているので「昨年」last yearを「(その)前年」the previous year と比較しているとわかります。

 

2.       短い文章ですが代名詞より元の名詞を再度使ったほうが意味がわかりやすくなります(読者に対するサービスです)。

 

添削後の文章

 

The National Police Agency has released the following survey results on July 22. The number of people who committed suicide last year was 34,427 and 2,284 (7.1%) more than the previous year. This was the largest number of suicide since the National Police Agency  began collecting statistics in 1978. Of these victims, the number of people who seemed to have committed suicide due to problems of “personal reasons and financial matters” such as debts, business depression, the hardship of life was 8,897 and exceeded 8,000. This was more than the previous year when it was the worst in the past

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(かい、25 April 11

 

On July 22, the National Police Agency has revealed that the number of suicides last year was 34,427 which have been an increase of 2,874(7.1%) over the previous year. The number was the largest since the survey started in 1978. Of them, those motivated by economic and livelihood matters such as debts, business slump and hardships of life were 8,897 which have been more than 8,000 for the first time. The number marked a new record worst surpassing the previous year's all-time worst.

 

添削

 

On July 22, the National Police Agency has revealed that the number of suicides last year was 34,427 which have was been an increase of 2,874 (7.1%) over the previous year. The number of suicides last year1 was the largest since the survey started in 1978. Of the suicides last year1, them, those motivated by economic and livelihood matters such as debts, business slumps and hardships of life were 8,897 and exceeded which have been more than 8,000 for the first time,. The number markeding a new record and worst surpassing the previous year's all-time worst.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       短い文章ですが、一目で何を指すか、わかるようにするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 22, the National Police Agency has revealed that the number of suicides last year was 34,427, which was an increase of 2,874 (7.1%) over the previous year. The number of suicides last year was the largest since the survey started in 1978. Of the suicides last year,  those motivated by economic and livelihood matters such as debts, business slumps and hardship of life were 8,897 and exceeded 8,000 for the first time, marking a new record and  surpassing the previous year's all-time worst.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 7 Jan 10

 

The National Police Agency has revealed the number of people committed suicide last year on July 22. The number increased by 2,284 (7.1%) to 34,427, the worst ever since the survey began in 1978. Of the suicides, those supposedly motivated by economic or financial problems like heavy debt, business depression and poverty numbered 8,897, far exceeding the threshold of 8,000 for the first time and renewing the worst record for the 2 years running.

 

添削

 

The National Police Agency has revealed the number of people committed suicide last year on July 22. The number increased by 2,284 (7.1%) to 34,427, the worst ever since the survey began in 1978. Of the suicides, those supposedly motivated by economic or financial problems like heavy debt, business depression and poverty numbered 8,897, far exceeding the threshold of 8,0001 for the first time and renewing the worst record for the last two 2 years running in a row2.

 

コメント

 

よく整理された読みやすい文章です。

 

1.       「初めて8,000を超え」とありますが、以前は数が上下しても8千人を越えることはなかった、ということなのでしょうね。

 

2.       この表現のほうがわかりやすいとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The National Police Agency has revealed the number of people committed suicide last year on July 22. The number increased by 2,284 (7.1%) to 34,427, the worst ever since the survey began in 1978. Of the suicides, those supposedly motivated by economic or financial problems like heavy debt, business depression and poverty numbered 8,897, far exceeding the threshold of 8,000 for the first time and renewing the worst record for the last two years  in a row.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 18 March 09

 

On July 22, the National Police Agency announced that the number of suicide people reached 34,427 which was 2,284(7.1%) larger than last year. The number was the largest since 1978 when the National Police Agency had started the survey. Of this, more than 8,000 people committed suicide because of personal reasons and financial matters such as debt, slumping business and hardships of daily life. The number exceeded last year which had been the worst ever since.

 

添削

 

On July 22, the National Police Agency announced that the number of suicides people reached 34,427 which was 2,284(7.1%) larger than last year. The number was the largest since 1978 when the National Police Agency had started the survey. Of this the total number of suicides this year1, more than 8,000 people committed suicide because of personal reasons and financial matters such as debts, slumping business and hardships of the daily life. The number exceeded that of last year which had been the worst largest ever since.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

この文の前に幾つかの数字が出ているので、このようにすると正確になるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 22, the National Police Agency announced that the number of suicides reached 34,427 which was 2,284 (7.1%) larger than last year. The number was the largest since 1978 when the National Police Agency had started the survey. Of the total number of suicides this year, more than 8,000 people committed suicide because of personal reasons and financial matters such as debts, slumping business and hardship of the daily life. The number exceeded that of last year which had been the largest.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 20 August 08

 

On July 22, the National Police Agency released the survey result in which the number of suicides for the last year has reached 34,427 adding 2,284 (7.1%) to the previous year's number and recorded the highest since 1978 when they started the survey. Among the total number, the number of people who committed suicide because of the economic and living matters such as liabilities, business slump, and destitution exceeds 8,000 and reached 8,897 for the first time and broke the worst record of the previous year.

 

添削

 

On July 22, the National Police Agency released the survey results of a survey of suicides. in which tThe number of suicides for the last year has reached 34,427 adding 2,284 (7.1%) to the previous year's number and recorded the highest since 1978 when they started the survey started. Among the suicides total number, the number of people who committed suicide because of the economic problems and living matters such as debts liabilities, business slumps, and destitution exceedsed 8,000 and reached 8,897 for the first time and broke the worst record established2 in of the previous year.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。数字の多い文章ですが整理されていてわかりやすいです。

 

ここで文を切って、次の文で調査の結果を記述したほうが文章がすっきりします。

 

broke the worst record of the previous yearとすると前年に幾つかの記録がありその中の最悪のものを突破した、という意味にもとれます。添削のようにすると過去最悪であった去年の記録を越えた、ことがはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 22, the National Police Agency released the results of a survey of suicides. The number of suicides last year reached 34,427 adding 2,284 (7.1%) to the previous year's number and recorded the highest since 1978 when the survey started. Among the suicides, the number of people who committed suicide because of economic problems such as debts, business slumps, and destitution exceeded 8,000 and reached 8,897 for the first time and broke the worst record established in the previous year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、22 August 07

 

The number of suicide victims last year increased by 2,284 (7.1%) to 34,427. The result showed the number was the most number since Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department started the survey in 1978, on July 22nd. The number of the suicide victims who had enough trouble with economic or living problems, for example, debts, business depression, or hard living problem, exceeded 8,000 and reached 8,897. The number marked a new record for the worst record of the number of the suicide victims who were established last year.

 

添削

 

The number of suicide victims last year increased by 2,284 (7.1%) from the previous year2 to reach 34,427. The result showed the numberThis was the largest most number of suicides since the National Police Agency3 Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department started the taking suicide statistics survey in 1978, on July 22nd. The number of the suicide victims who had enough trouble with economic or living problems, for example, debts, business depression slumps, or and personal finance hard living problem, exceeded 8,000 and reached 8,897. The This number marked a new record4 and exceed the previous record for the worst record of the number of the suicide victims who were established last year1.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、添削のようにすると明確になります。

 

2.       いつと較べてこれだけ増加したか較べるものが必要です。

 

3.       警察庁 the National Police Agency, 警視庁the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Departmentです。

 

4.       a recordには最高記録、最悪記録の意味があります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of suicide victims last year increased by 2,284 (7.1%) from the previous year to reach 34,427. This was the largest number of suicides since the National Police Agency  started taking suicide statistics in 1978. The number of the suicide victims who had enough trouble with economic problems, for example, debts, business slumps, and personal finance  exceeded 8,000 and reached 8,897. This marked a new record and exceed the previous record established last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、11 Aug 07

 

The survey by the National Police Agency showed the following on July 22. According to its results, people who killed themselves last year were 2,284 more than the previous year and amounted to 34,427. The number of suicides were most since the police had begun recording these statistics in 1978 and was over 8,000 for the first time and amounted to 8,897. This number further renewed the previous year that had recorded the worst number in the past. Their most motivation was considered to be economic troubles such as debt, slump in business and hard living.

 

添削

 

The annual survey by the National Police Agency on suicide was released1 showed the following on July 22. According to its results, the number of people who committed suicide2 killed themselves last year was 34,4273 and were 2,284 more than the previous year and amounted to 34,427. This was the largest The number of suicides were most since the police had begun recording these statistics in 1978. Economic troubles such as big debts, business slump, and personal finance troubles were considered to be the largest number of factors for the suicides4. These factors accounted for and was over 8,897 cases, reaching above 8,000 for the first time. and amounted to 8,897. This number further also renewed the past record reached5 in the previous year that had recorded the worst number in the past. Their most motivation was considered to be economic troubles such as debt, slump in business and hard living.

 

コメント

 

1.       The survey showed the following on July 22.とするとon July 22というのが文の中でぎごちない感じです。添削のようにThe survey was released on July 22.としてAccording to its results, ~と次の文をつなげた方がわかりやすいでしょう。The survey例の調査とあるので、The annual surveyとしました。文脈から判断すると毎年の調査のようです。

 

2.       文章にsuicideが出てくるので、commit suicideと用語を統一するとよいでしょう。

 

3.       先ずは昨年の自殺者の総数を述べてから前年との比較をします。

 

4.       日本文は二つの内容を持っています。自殺者の総数と最大の動機です。自殺の動機について記述してから、これらの動機による自殺者の数を述べるとわかりやすくなります。

 

5.       renewed更新した、とあるのでrenewed the past record reached in the previous yearで昨年到達した過去の最大記録を更新した、という表現になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The annual survey by the National Police Agency on suicide was released on July 22. According to its results, the number of people who committed suicide last year was 34,427 and 2,284 more than the previous year. This was the largest number since the police had begun recording these statistics in 1978. Economic troubles such as big debts, business slump, and personal finance troubles were considered to be the largest number of factors for the suicides. These factors accounted for 8,897 cases, reaching above 8,000 for the first time. This number also renewed the past record reached in the previous year  .

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(kappa2004, 7 April 07

 

On July 2 the Police Agency summarized that the number of suicides last year increased to 34,427 by 2,284 (7.1%) from the previous year and it was the most since 1978 when the statistics started. Among them, the number of suicides deemed to have the motives of economy and life problems such as loan, bankrupt and life difficulty are 8,897 firstly exceeding 8,000 and it broke the worst record of the previous year.

 

添削

 

On July 2 the National Police Agency summarized announced1 that the number of suicides last year increased to 34,427 by 2,284 (7.1%) from 32,143 in the previous year, or by 2,284 (7.1%)2. and iIt3 was the largest number most since 1978 when the the National Policy Agency started taking statistics started4. Among them, the number of suicides that seemed deemed to have resulted from the motives of economy economic and life5 problems such as loan debts, bankrupt bankruptcies and poverty life difficulty were are 8,897, firstly exceeding 8,000 for the first time and it broke the worst record of the previous year.

 

コメント

 

1.       「(警察庁が)まとめた。」という表現が日本の新聞記事によく出てきますが、これは「〜がまとめて発表した。」ということなので、英文では「〜が発表した。」と表現するのがよいでしょう。

 

2.       A increased by 10 from 20 to 30. またはA increased from 20 to 30, or by 10.という形が基本です。日本文には書いてありませんが、from 32,143 to 34,427になります。

 

3.       ここから新しい文にすると内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

4.       「統計を取り始めた1978年以降」は「警視庁が統計を取り始めた1978年以降」とするとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

5.       to have economic motivesすると「自殺が経済的な目的を意図して」となります。こういう場合もあるでしょうが、一般的にはto have resulted from economic problems 「経済的な問題が原因となって」がよいでしょう。「生活苦」はここでは「生活が苦しい、貧窮」でよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 2 the National Police Agency announced that the number of suicides last year increased to 34,427 from 32,143 in the previous year, or by 2,284 (7.1%). It was the largest number since 1978 when the National Policy Agency started taking statistics. Among them, the number of suicides that seemed to have resulted from economic problems such as  debts, bankruptcies and poverty were 8,89, exceeding 8,000 for the first time and broke the worst record of the previous year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、15 March 05

 

On July 22, a report conducted by the National Police Agency revealed that the number of people who committed suicide last year was 34,427, an increase of 2,284 (7.1%) over the previous year and the worst ever since the statistics were first collected in 1978. The number of people who had "economic and life problems" such as debts, business slump or the hardships of life as their motives for suicide reached 8,897 to exceed 8,000 for the first time, setting a new record high of the previous year.

 

添削

 

On July 22, a report conducted by1 the National Police Agency revealed that the number of people who committed suicide last year was 34,427, an increase of 2,284 (7.1%) over the previous year and the worst ever since the Agency started collecting2 the statistics were first collected in 1978. The number of people who had "economic and life livelihood3 problems" such as debts, business slump or the hardships of life as their motives for suicide reached 8,897. to exceeding4 8,000 for the first time, and setting a new record high over the past record of in the previous year5.

コメント

 

1.       これはおまけなので省略したほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       上と関連して、警察庁を主語にすると統計をとっている主体がはっきりします。

 

3.       life problems とすると健康問題ともとれるのでlivelihood problemsにしました。

 

4.       コンマのあとにexceeding ~ and setting ~としたほうが文が一度切れて、主文の補足説明のようになって良いでしょう。

 

5.       over the past record of the previous yearとすると日本文の内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 22, the National Police Agency revealed that the number of people who committed suicide last year was 34,427, an increase of 2,284 (7.1%) over the previous year and the worst ever since the Agency started collecting statistics in 1978. The number of people who had "economic and livelihood problems" such as debts, business slump or the hardships of life as their motives for suicide reached 8,897, exceeding 8,000 for the first time and setting a new record over the past record in the previous year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NOMU, 17 August 04

 

The National Police Agency reported on July22 that the number of people who committed suicide last year was 34427, up 2284(7.1%) from the previous year. This was the largest figure since it started taking statistics in 1978. It is inferred that 8897 people committed suicide for 'economic or living reasons' such as debt, business slump or hard living conditions. The number surpassed 8000 for the first time and renewed the worst record for the second year in a row.

 

添削

 

The National Police Agency reported on July 22 that the number of people who committed suicide last year was 34,427, up an increase of 12,284 (or 7.1%) from the previous year. This was the largest figure number since it started taking statistics in 1978. It is inferred appeared that 8,897 people committed suicide for because they had2 'economic or living reasons problems3' such as large debts, businesses slump in trouble or hard living conditions personal financial problems. The This number surpassed 8,000 for the first time and renewed the worst record for the second year in a row.

 

コメント

 

NOMUさんは日本文の内容を整理して、複数の英文で表現しています。日本文の内容を上手に整理することが、英文で表現するときの基本になります。

 

1.       An increase of Aとするほうが、up A より分かりやすい表現になります。単語数は多くなりますが、内容を分かりやすく伝えることが文を短くするより大切になります。

 

2.       このように従属節を使うと説明が楽になります。

 

3.       「経済・生活問題」をeconomic and living reasonsとするとliving reasonsが曖昧になります。簡単にeconomic problemsとしたほうがはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The National Police Agency reported on July 22 that the number of people who committed suicide last year was 34,427, an increase of 2,284 (or 7.1%) from the previous year. This was the largest number since it started taking statistics in 1978. It appeared that 8,897 people committed suicide because they had 'economic problems' such as large debts, businesses in trouble or personal financial problems. This number surpassed 8,000 for the first time and renewed the worst record for the second year in a row.

 

 

初級問題 167

 

厚生労働省が7月21日発表した2003年の就業形態多様化に関する調査結果によると、パートタイム労働者など非正社員の割合は前回1999年調査の27・5%から、7・1ポイント上昇し34・6%となった。景気回復で完全失業率などの数値は改善しているが、企業が人件費抑制などを目的に正社員をパートなどで代替している実態が浮き彫りになった。

 

読者からの投稿 11(Buru, 1 July 16

 

On July 21, the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare released a survey result for a variation of working style of 2003. According to this survey, the rate of non- permanent contract employees like a part-time workers became 34.6%. It rose to 7.1% from 27.5% compared to the previous survey date in 1999. Current good economic status has been improved some statistics rates like a jobless rate, but ,on the other hand, the result revealed the actual condition that companies have been replacing from permanent employees to part-time workers in order to save their overhead.

 

添削

 

On July 21, the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare released a survey result for a the variation of working styles of in 2003. According to this survey, the rate percentage of non- permanent contract employees like a part-time workers was became 34.6%. It rose by to 7.1% from 27.5% in compared to the previous survey date in 1999. Current good economic status conditions have has been improved some statistics rates like such as a the unemployment jobless rate, but ,on the other hand1, the survey result revealed the actual condition that companies have been replacing from permanent employees to with part-time workers in order to save their overhead.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       On one hand, we have A. But on the other hand, we have B.のように一対にして使います。ここでは必要有りません。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 21, the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare released a survey result for the variation of working styles in 2003. According to this survey, the percentage of non- permanent contract employees like part-time workers was 34.6%. It rose by 7.1% from 27.5% in the previous survey in 1999. Current good economic conditions have improved some statistics such as the unemployment rate, but the survey result revealed that companies have been replacing permanent employees with part-time workers in order to save their overhead.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 28 March 13

 

According to the 2003 survey's report about diversification of working style announced by Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare on July 21, the rate of non-formal employees such as part-time worker was 34.6%, raising up 7.1 point from 27.5% of last 1999 survey's result. This report showed that economic recovery has made completive unemployment index improve and companies substitute part-time workers for formal employees in order to reduce a personnel cost.

 

添削

 

According to the 2003 survey's of report about the diversification of working styles released announced by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare on July 21, the percentage rate1 of non-formal employees such as part-time worker was 34.6%, increasing raising up by 7.1 % point from 27.5% in the of last 1999 survey's result in 1999. This result report showed that the current economic recovery has reduced the rate of made completive unemployment index improve and but companies are substituteing part-time workers for formal employees in order to reduce a labor personnel costs.

 

コメント

 

内容のほぼすべてがわかりますが、completive unemployment indexがわかりません。

 

1.       a rateは比率一般を意味します。ここでは比率の一緒のパーセントを使っていますからpercentがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to the 2003 survey of the diversification of working styles released by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare on July 21, the percentage of non-formal employees such as part-time worker was 34.6%, increasing by 7.1 % from 27.5% in the last survey in 1999. This result showed that the current economic recovery has reduced the rate of unemployment   but companies are substituting part-time workers for formal employees in order to reduce  labor costs.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(OKEN, 30 June 12

 

Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry revealed a report on the 2003 survey regarding diversity in work patterns on July 21. According to the report, the percentage of nonregular workers such as part-timers has increased by 7.1% to 34.6% from 27.5% in 1999. These results clearly showed that, in order to reduce personal costs, many companies have been shifting their employment from regular workers to nonregular workers such as part-timers, while economic indicators such as the unemployment rate have improved thanks to the recent economic recovery.

 

添削

 

Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry revealed released a report on the 2003 survey regarding the diversity in work patterns on July 21. According to the report, the percentage of non-regular workers such as part-timers has increased by 7.1% to 34.6% from 27.5% in 1999 to 34.6% in 2003. This These results clearly showed that, in order to reduce labor personal costs, many companies have been shifting their employmentees from regular workers to non-regular workers such as part-timers, while economic indicators such as the unemployment rate have improved thanks to the recent economic recovery.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry released a report on the 2003 survey regarding the diversity in work patterns on July 21. According to the report, the percentage of non-regular workers such as part-timers has increased by 7.1% from 27.5% in 1999 to 34.6% in 2003. This clearly showed that, in order to reduce labor costs, many companies have been shifting their employees from regular workers to non-regular workers such as part-timers, while economic indicators such as the unemployment rate have improved thanks to the recent economic recovery.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(かい、26 April 11

 

On July 21, the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare announced the survey about the 2003 diversity of working style. The survey showed that the percentage of nonpermanent staffs like part-time workers reached 34.6% ,which was an increase of 7.1% from 27.5% in the previous survey in 1999. From this results, index numbers such as overall unemployment rate improved because of an economic recovery, but it was revealed that companies replaced regular employees with part-time workers to reduce labor costs in the present situation.

 

添削

 

On July 21, the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare announced the results of a survey about the 2003 diversity of working styles in 2003. The survey showed that the percentage of nonpermanent staffs employees like part-time workers reached 34.6% , which was an increase of 7.1% from 27.5% in the previous survey in 1999. From this these results, we can see1 that economic indicators index numbers such as the overall unemployment rate improved because of an economic recovery, but it was revealed that companies replaced regular employees with part-time workers to reduce labor costs in the present situation.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       調査の結果that以下の二つのことがわかった、と言うためにここにwe can seeなどを入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 21, the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare announced the results of a survey about the diversity of working styles in 2003. The survey showed that the percentage of nonpermanent employees like part-time workers reached 34.6%, which was an increase of 7.1% from 27.5% in the previous survey in 1999. From these results, we can see that economic indicators such as the overall unemployment rate improved because of an economic recovery, but companies replaced regular employees with part-time workers to reduce labor costs in the present situation.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 7 February 10

 

A survey on the diversification of employment formats in 2003 released on July 21 by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare indicated that the percentage of nonpermanent employees such as part-time workers increased by 7.1 percentage points to 34.6% from 27.5% of the previous survey in 1999. The result shed vivid light on the real picture behind an improvement in unemployment rate backed by recent economic upturn. More and more companies have been replacing their employees with non-regular workers in an attempt to cut down labor costs.

 

添削

 

A survey on the diversification of employment formats forms in 2003 was released on July 21 by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare1. The survey found indicated that the percentage of non-permanent employees such as part-time workers increased by 7.1 percentage points to 34.6% from 27.5% in of the previous survey of in 1999. The results shed vivid light on the real picture of labour market behind an apparent improvement in the unemployment rate due to the backed by recent economic upturn. More and more companies have been replacing their regular employees with non-regular workers in an attempt to cut down labor costs.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       主語が長いのでここで文を切ったほうが読みやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey on the diversification of employment forms in 2003 was released on July 21 by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare. The survey found that the percentage of non-permanent employees such as part-time workers increased by 7.1 percent to 34.6% from 27.5% in the previous survey of 1999. The results shed vivid light on the real picture of labour market behind an apparent improvement in the unemployment rate due to the  recent economic upturn. More and more companies have been replacing their regular employees with non-regular workers in an attempt to cut down labor costs.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 26 March 09

 

On July 21, the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare announced the result of a survey on the diversification of the employment formats in 2003. The results showed us that the percentage of non-permanent employees such as part-time workers reached 34.6% which was 7.1% higher than the last survey of 27.5% in 1999. This was because even though the number of unemployment rate became lower by the recovery of economics these days, companies tried to substitute their permanent employees to nonpermanent employees for reducing labor costs.

 

添削

 

On July 21, the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare announced the results of a survey on the diversification of the employment formats in 2003. The results showed us that the percentage of non-permanent employees such as part-time workers reached 34.6%, which was 7.1% higher than 27.5% of the last survey of 27.5% in 1999. This was because even though the number of unemployment rate became lower by the economic recovery of economics these days, companies tried to substitute their permanent employees to by non-permanent employees for to reducinge labor costs.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 21, the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare announced the results of a survey on the diversification of employment in 2003. The results showed that the percentage of non-permanent employees such as part-time workers reached 34.6%, which was 7.1% higher than 27.5% of the last survey in 1999. This was because even though the  unemployment rate became lower by the economic recovery these days, companies tried to substitute permanent employees by non-permanent employees to reduce labor costs.

 

 

読者から投稿 5(kk, 21 Aug 08

 

On July 21, the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare released the results of a survey about diversification of employment form in 2003. According to the results, the percentage of no-permanent employees such as part-time workers has reached 34.6 % in 2003 from 27.5% in 1999 increasing by 7.1 %. Although the figure of the unemployment rate has been improving due to the economic recovery, the results reflected the reality that companies substituted part-time workers for permanent employees in order to cut down on their labour costs.

 

添削

 

On July 21, the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare released the results of a survey about of the diversification of employment forms in 2003. According to the results, the percentage of non-permanent employees such as part-time workers increased from 27.5% in 19991 has reached to 34.6 % in 2003, from 27.5% in 1999 an increasinge of by 7.1 %. Although economic indicators such as the figure of the unemployment rate have has been improving due to the economic recovery, the survey2 results reflected the reality that companies had been substituteding part-time workers for permanent employees in order to cut down on their labour costs.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。数字の多い内容がよく整理されています。

 

1.       時系列に沿った表現のほうがわかりやすいです。

 

2.       前のthe surveyから離れているのでもう一度入れたほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 21, the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare released the results of a survey of the diversification of employment forms in 2003. According to the results, the percentage of non-permanent employees such as part-time workers increased from 27.5% in 1999 to 34.6 % in 2003, an increase of 7.1 %. Although economic indicators such as the unemployment rate have been improving due to the economic recovery, the survey results reflected the reality that companies had been substituting part-time workers for permanent employees in order to cut down labour costs.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、23 August 07

 

The survey about diverse employment formats in 2003, which Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry announced on July 21st, showed the ratio of nonpermanent employee including a part time-worker increased by 7.1 point from 27.5% to 34.6%.  The economic recovery improved total unemployment ratio in number. However, it was found that to reduce labor cost and so on companies employ nonpermanent employee in place of permanent employee.

 

添削

 

The results2 of a survey about diverse employment formats forms in 2003, which Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry announced on July 21st, showed that the percentage the ratio of non-permanent employees including such as a part time-workers increased by 7.1 % point from 27.5% in 1999 to 34.6% in 20033. The economic recovery improved total the unemployment ratio rate in number. but However, it was found that to reduce labor cost and so on companies employed non-permanent employees in place of permanent employees in order to reduce labour costs1.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、最後の文がぎくしゃくしています。添削のように文の構造を変えるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       announcedとあるのでここはthe results of a surveyになります。

 

3.       from 27.5% in 1999 to 34.6% in 2003と何年のパーセントかを示す必要があります。文章の中の数字、日時はとても大切ですから注意してください。

 

添削後の文章

 

The results of a survey about diverse employment forms in 2003, which Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry announced on July 21st, showed that the percentage of non-permanent employees such as part time-workers increased by 7.1 % from 27.5% in 1999 to 34.6% in 2003. The economic recovery improved the unemployment rate but companies employed non-permanent employees in place of permanent employees in order to reduce labour costs.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、12 August 07

 

The Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare announced the survey on diversification of employment formats on July 21. According to its results, the rate of nonpermanent employees such as a part-timer improved 7.1points from 27.5 % in the 1999 survey and amounted to 34.6%. The value of unemployment rate and the like are being improved due to economic recovery. But this survey highlighted the reality that companies are replacing permanent employees with part-timers to repress labor costs.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare announced the results of its the survey on the diversification of employment types formats on July 21. According to its results the survey, the rate percentage of non-permanent employees such as a part-timers increased by improved 7.1 % points to 34.6 % from 27.5 %1 in the 1999 survey and amounted to 34.6%. The rate value of unemployment is rate and the like are being improveding2 due to economic recovery. But this the survey highlighted the reality in the labour market that companies are replacing permanent employees with part-timers to repress reduce labor costs.

 

コメント

 

1.       The percentage increased by 10% from 20% in 1999 to 30% in 2000.という形を使うとわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       「完全失業率などの数値は改善している」とあるのでthe rate of unemployment is improving.がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare announced the results of its survey on the diversification of employment types on July 21. According to the survey, the percentage of non-permanent employees such as part-timers increased by 7.1 % to 34.6 % from 27.5 % in the 1999 survey. The rate of unemployment is improving due to economic recovery. But the survey highlighted the reality in the labour market that companies are replacing permanent employees with part-timers to reduce labor costs.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(kappa2004, 7 April 07

 

According to the survey of the Ministry of Welfare and Labors which was announced on July 21 regarding varied way of employment style in 2003, the percentage of unofficial employee like part-time labors increased to 34.6% by 7.1% from 27.5% of 1999 survey. The numbers like unemployment rate was improved due to economic recovery but it clearly revealed the fact that many companies substitute part-timers for official employees for the purpose of personal cost reduction.   

 

添削

 

According to the survey of by the Ministry of Welfare and Labors which was announced on July 21 1regarding the diversification of varied way of employment styles in 2003, which was announced on July 21, the percentage of unofficial non-regular employees like part-time labors workers increased by 7.1% to 34.6% by 7.1% from 27.5% of in the 1999 survey. The numbers Economic indicators such as like the unemployment rate was improved due to the2 economic recovery but it the survey3 clearly revealed the fact that many companies were substituteing4 part-timers for official regular employees for the purpose of personal cost reduction.   

 

コメント

 

1.       調査についてのことがらは一つにまとめたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       現在の景気回復という意味で定冠詞をつけます。

 

3.       すでに文章が長くなっているので、the surveyとして読者にわかりやすくします。

 

4.       進行形にすると臨場感(おおげさですが)がでます。また時制の一致で過去形にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to the survey by the Ministry of Welfare and Labors regarding the diversification of employment styles in 2003, which was announced on July 21, the percentage of non-regular employees like part-time workers increased by 7.1% to 34.6% from 27.5% in the 1999 survey. Economic indicators such as the unemployment rate improved due to the economic recovery but the survey clearly revealed the fact that many companies were substituting part-timers for regular employees for the purpose of personal cost reduction.   

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、30 March 05

 

The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare showed on July 21 the result of a survey on the diversification of employment patterns in 2003. The survey showed that the percentage of non full-time workers such as part-timers raised from 27.5% of the last survey in 1999 by 7.1% to 34.6%. Numerical date like the unemployment rate improved due to economic recovery, but the survey clearly showed the reality that companies substituted part-timers for full-time workers for the purpose of reducing personnel expenses.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare showed on July 21 the result of a survey on the diversification of employment patterns in 20031. The survey showed that the percentage of non- full-time permanent2 workers such as part-timers raised increased by 7.1% from 27.5% of in the last survey in of 1999 by 7.1% to 34.6%. Statistically, the labour market Numerical date like the unemployment rate has improved due to economic recovery as shown in the lower rate of unemployment3, but the survey clearly showed the reality that companies substituted part-timers for full-time permanent workers for the purpose of reducing personnel expenses labour cost4.

 

コメント

 

1.       ここで一度文章を切ったのが良いですね。日本文は長々と内容を続ける癖があるので、英文で表現するときにはこのように良い切れ目を見つけて文を短くすることが大切です。

 

2.       Full-timepart-timeと一対になった言葉ですが、厳密にはフルタイムで働いていても正社員でない人も多いので、non-permanent にしました。

 

3.       「景気回復で完全失業率などの数値は改善している」は「労働市場は景気回復により、完全失業率のような数字で見る限りは改善している」という意味なので内容を補足してみました。

4.       Labour costが一般的です。(カナダ英語の綴りは英国風が残っていて、labour, behaviour, centreなどと綴ります。)

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare showed on July 21 the result of a survey on the diversification of employment patterns in 2003. The survey showed that the percentage of non-permanent workers such as part-timers increased by 7.1% from 27.5% in the last survey of 1999 to 34.6%. Statistically, the labour market has improved due to economic recovery as shown in the lower rate of unemployment, but the survey clearly showed the reality that companies substituted part-timers for permanent workers for the purpose of reducing labour cost.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(TOMOKO, 21 October 04

 

On July 21, 2004, the Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry released the results of a survey on diversified employment types in 2003. According to the results, the ratio of non-regular employees including part-time workers rose by 7.1 points to 34.6%, as compared with 27.5 % shown in the previous survey in 1999. Although Japan's recovering economy has been improving figures such as its unemployment rate, the latest result revealed the fact that companies had substituted part-time workers for regular employees mainly for the purpose of cutting labor costs.

 

添削

 

On July 21, 2004, the Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry released the results of a survey on diversified the diversification of1 employment types in 2003. According to the results2, the ratio of non-regular employees including part-time workers rose by 7.1 points to 34.6%, as compared with 27.5 % shown in the previous survey in 19993. Although Japan's recovering economy has been improving figures such as its unemployment rate, the latest results revealed the fact that companies had substituted part-time workers for regular employees4 mainly for the purpose of cutting labor costs.

 

コメント

 

わかりやすい英文ですね。日本文の内容を整理して、いくつかの英文に分けていること、英文と英文のつながりを論理的に構成していること、According to ~, Although などで文と文のつながりを良くしている事、などがわかりやすさに貢献しています。

 

1.       「就業形態多様化」は、どのように多様化しているのか、に重点をおくなら、a survey on the diversification of employment typesとなるでしょう。a survey on diversified employment typesとすると、いろいろと多様化した雇用形態のそれぞれの特徴を調査する、といった感じになります。

 

2.       前の文のないようからわかるので、無くてもよいでしょう。

 

3.       from 27.5% in the 1999 surveyとすると簡単になります。

 

4.       part-time workersfull-time workersが対になりますが、full-time workersでも正社員とは限らないので、ここでは やはり regular employeesでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 21, 2004, the Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry released the results of a survey on the diversification of employment types in 2003. According to the results, the ratio of non-regular employees including part-time workers rose by 7.1 points to 34.6%, as compared with 27.5 % shown in the previous survey in 1999. Although Japan's recovering economy has been improving figures such as its unemployment rate, the latest results revealed the fact that companies had substituted part-time workers for regular employees mainly for the purpose of cutting labor costs.

 

 

初級問題 168

 

愛媛県の北灘湾一帯で赤潮が発生し、養殖マダイ約25万匹が死んでいたことが7月22日、愛媛県の調査で分かった。被害総額は約1億2150万円に上る。県は猛暑で水温が上昇したことが原因とみて、他の海域でも赤潮調査を実施する。

 

読者からの投稿 10(BURU, 14 June 16

 

A red tide occurred around Kitanada area in Ehime Prefecture. It was found the research by Ehime prefecture on July 22 that about 250,000 cultured red sea breams had already died. The total amount of this damage has been estimated about 121.5 million yen. The local authority assumed the reason that the sea temperature raised due to the consecutive hot days. So, they decided to conduct the red tide survey in other area as well.

 

添削

 

A red tide occurred around in the Kitanada area, in Ehime Prefecture and1 . It was found the a research by the Government of Ehime pPrefecture found on July 22 that about 250,000 cultured red sea breams had already killed2 died. The total amount of this damage has been estimated to be about 121.5 million yen. The prefectural government3 local authority assumed the cause reason of the red tide was that the sea temperature rose raised due to the consecutive hot days. So, they decided to conduct the red tide survey in other areas as well.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       前の文と内容がつながっているのでandを入れるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       英語ではこのような場合にはっきりとbe killedと表現します。

 

3.       既に文章に出てきている名称は同じものを使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

A red tide occurred in the Kitanada area, Ehime Prefecture and a research by the Government of Ehime Prefecture found on July 22 that about 250,000 cultured red sea breams had already killed. The total amount of damage has been estimated to be about 121.5 million yen. The prefectural government assumed the cause of the red tide was that the sea temperature rose due to the consecutive hot days. So, they decided to conduct the red tide survey in other areas as well.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Valley winds, 28 March 13

 

According to Ehime Prefecture, they saw that about 250 thousand cultivating sea red breams had died on July 22 because of red tide over Kitanada Cove in Ehime Prefecture. The total amount of damage is about 12.15 million yen. Assuming it caused by raising water temperature due to a heat wave, the Prefecture plans to inspect red tide in also other sea area.

 

添削

 

According to Ehime Prefecture, they saw that about 250 thousand cultivating sea red breams had died on July 22 because of red tide over in Kitanada Bay Cove1 in Ehime Prefecture. The total amount of damage is about 12.1.52 million yen. Assuming it was caused by the rising raising water temperature in the bay due to a the3 heat wave, the Prefecture plans to inspect red tide in also other sea area too.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       a cove は小さな入り江ですから、ここではa bayでしょう。

 

2.       数字は文の中でもっとも大切です。気をつけましょう。

 

3.       既におこった特別な猛暑のことですから定冠詞にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to Ehime Prefecture, about 250 thousand cultivating sea red breams died on July 22 because of red tide in Kitanada Bay in Ehime Prefecture. The total amount of damage is about 121.5 million yen. Assuming it was caused by the rising water temperature in the bay due to  the heat wave, the Prefecture plans to inspect red tide in other sea area too.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(かい、28 April 11

 

Ehime Prefecture's survey showed on July 21 that a red tide had appeared around the Kitanada bay in the prefecture, therefore about 250,000 farm-raised red sea bream were dead. As a result, the total amount of damage reaches 121,500,000 yen. The prefecture thinks the cause as rising water temperature because of an extreme heat and conducts a survey of red tide in other marine area too.

 

添削

 

Ehime Prefecture's survey showed on July 21 that a red tide had appeared around in the Kitanada bBay in the prefecture and , killed1 therefore about 250,000 farm-raised red sea bream were dead. As a result, the total amount of damage reacheds 121,500,000 yen. The prefecture thinks that the red tide was the caused2 by the as rising water temperature because of the recent an extreme heat. The prefecture is and conductsing a survey of the red tide in other marine areas too.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       日本語では「その事故で三人死んだ」と表現しますが、英語ではThe accident killed three persons.killを使用することが多いです。この表現方法の違いは深く考えて見ると面白そうですね。

 

2.       名詞は動詞化すると印象が強くなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Ehime Prefecture's survey showed on July 21 that a red tide had appeared in Kitanada Bay in the prefecture and killed about 250,000 farm-raised red sea bream. As a result, the total amount of damage reached 121,500,000 yen. The prefecture thinks that the red tide was  caused by the rising water temperature because of the recent extreme heat. The prefecture is conducting a survey of the red tide in other areas too.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 8 February 10

 

A survey by Ehime Prefecture disclosed on July 22 that a red tide broke out in Kitanada Bay area, killing about 250 thousand of cultured red sea breams. The amount of damage totaled slightly more than 121 million yen. Attributing the outbreak of the red tide to a rise in water temperature caused by the recent hot spell, the prefecture is going to expand the investigations to other sea areas.

 

添削

 

An investigation survey by Ehime Prefecture disclosed found on July 22 that a red tide broke out in the Kitanada Bay area, killing about 250 thousand of cultured red sea breams. The amount of damage totaled slightly more than 121 million yen. The prefecture1 Aattributinges the outbreak of the red tide to a rise in the water temperature that has been , in turn, caused by the recent hot spell, and the prefecture is going to expand the investigations to other sea areas.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       従属節が長いのでandで二つの文を結ぶ形にしたほうが安定感があるでしょう。Attributing ~とすると、読者はこの従属節の最後を読むまで、attributing ?という気持ちが中に浮いています。このような効果を目的にする書き方もありますが、プレイン・イングリッシュでには適していません。

 

添削後の文章

 

An investigation by Ehime Prefecture found on July 22 that a red tide broke out in the Kitanada Bay area, killing about 250 thousand of cultured red sea breams. The amount of damage totaled slightly more than 121 million yen. The prefecture attributes the outbreak of the red tide to a rise in the water temperature that has been, in turn, caused by the recent hot spell and is going to expand the investigation to other areas.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 26 March 09

 

On July 22, Ehime Prefecture announced that there happened a red tide in Kitanada Gulf and about 250 thousands of cultured red breams got dead. The amount of damage totaled about 121.5 million yen. The authority of the prefecture plans to start a survey of a red tide in other sea areas because the authority suspected that the red tide was generated by the elevated water temperature which had been induced by the extreme hot weather these days.

 

添削

 

On July 22, Ehime Prefecture announced that there happened a red tide appeared in the Kitanada Bay Gulf and killed1 about 250 thousands of cultured red breams got dead. The amount of damage totaled about 121.5 million yen. The authority of the prefecture plans to start a survey of a red tide in other sea areas because the authority suspected that the red tide was generated helped to grow extensively2 by the elevated increased water temperature which had been induced by the extreme hot weather these days.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       the red tide killed breams.という形にすると因果関係がはっきりします。

 

2.       赤潮はある種類の海草の異常繁殖なので、こんなように表現したらどうでしょうか。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 22, Ehime Prefecture announced that a red tide appeared in the Kitanada Bay and killed about 250 thousands of cultured red breams. The amount of damage totaled about 121.5 million yen. The authority of the prefecture plans to start a survey of a red tide in other sea areas because the authority suspected that the red tide was helped to grow extensively by the increased water temperature which had been induced by the extreme hot weather these days.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(kk, 22 Aug 08

 

On July 22, the Government of Ehime found from a survey that red tide had occurred throughout the Kitanada Bay in Ehime Prefecture and it had killed about 250,000 of farmed red sea bream. The amount of the damage has gone up to 121.5 million yen. The government deduced that water temperature had risen because of fierce hot summer weather and it had caused the damage. They plan to conduct a red tide survey in other area of the Ehime waters.

 

添削

 

On July 22, the Government of Ehime found from a survey that a red tide had occurred throughout the Kitanada Bay in Ehime Prefecture and it had killed about 250,000 of farmed red sea breams. The amount of the damage has gone up to 121.5 million yen. The government deduced thinks1 that a rise in the sea water temperature had risen because of the recent fierce hot summer weather and it had has caused the red tide damage. They and plans to conduct a red tide survey in of other areas in the prefecture of the Ehime waters.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       これから調査を実施する、ということに関連しているので、thinksと現在形がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 22, the Government of Ehime found that a red tide had occurred throughout the Kitanada Bay in Ehime Prefecture and killed about 250,000 of farmed red sea breams. The amount of damage has gone up to 121.5 million yen. The government thinks that a rise in the sea water temperature because of the recent hot summer weather has caused the red tide and plans to conduct a survey of other areas in the prefecture .

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、24 August 07

 

The survey of the Ehime prefecture showed red tide broke out around the Kitanada Bay of the Ehime prefecture and about 250,000 of the red sea breams cultivated in the bay died from the red tide on July 22nd. The amount of damage by the red tide reached to about 121.5 million yen. The Ehime prefecture attributes the red tide to abnormally rising sea temperature caused by extreme heat and executes the red tide survey at other sea areas around the Ehime prefecture.

 

添削

 

The A survey by of the Government of Ehime prefecture found showed on July 22 that a red tide broke out around in the Kitanada Bay of the Ehime prefecture and killed2 about 250,000 farmed of the red sea breams cultivated in the bay died from the red tide on July 22nd. The amount of damage by the red tide reachedes to about 121.5 million yen. The Government of Ehime suspects that prefecture attributes the red tide to was caused by an abnormally rising high sea temperature due to caused by  the recent heat waves extreme heat, and executes plans to conduct a survey of the red tide survey at other sea areas around the Ehime pPrefecture1.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかります。

 

文の前半のa red tideを文の後半の主語にすると文が簡単になります。「死んでいた」とありますが、赤潮がマダイを殺した、という表現を英語では使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey by the Government of Ehime found on July 22 that a red tide broke out in  Kitanada Bay and killed about 250,000 farmed red sea breams. The amount of damage  reaches 121.5 million yen. The Government of Ehime suspects that the red tide was caused by an abnormally high sea temperature due to the recent heat waves, and plans to conduct a survey of other sea areas around Ehime Prefecture.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(岩ちゃん、12 August 07

 

The survey by Aichi Prefecture showed on July 22 that red tide broke out throughout Kitanada Bay and about 250,000 cultivated red sea breams died. The amount of damage totaled about 121,500,000 yen. As the prefecture recognized that red tide was caused by the high temperature of sea water due to extreme hotness, it would perform surveys on red tide in the other sea areas.

 

添削

 

The A survey by Aichi Ehime Prefecture on July 22 showed on July 22 that a red tide broke out throughout Kitanada Bay and killed1 about 250,000 cultivated red sea breams died. The amount of damage totaled to about 121,500,000 yen. As the prefecture recognizeds2 that the red tide was caused by the a high temperature of in the sea water due to the extremely hotness hot weather3, it would will perform a surveys on red tide in of the other sea areas in the sea.

 

コメント

 

1.       英語ではこのような場合、主語が目的語を殺した、と表現する場合が多いです。

 

2.       文の後半に、新たな調査を実地する、とあるので、ここは現在形にするとよいでしょう。

 

3.       「猛暑」はthe extremely hot weatherと表現するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey by Ehime Prefecture on July 22 showed that a red tide broke out throughout Kitanada Bay and killed about 250,000 cultivated red sea breams. The amount of damage totaled to about 121,500,000 yen. As the prefecture recognizes that the red tide was caused by a high temperature in the sea water due to the extremely hot weather, it will perform a survey of other areas in the sea.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(kappa2004, 10 April 07

 

On July 22, a survey by Ehime prefecture found that red tides has appeared in the area of Kita-nada Bay in Ehime Prefecture and about 250,000 of cultivated sea beam have died. The Prefecture will make further survey for red tides in other sea areas suspecting a possible reason that the water temperature raised due to an terrible heat spell these days

 

添削

 

On July 22, a survey by Ehime pPrefecture found that red tides has had1 appeared in the area of Kita-nada Bay in Ehime Prefecture and about 250,000 of cultivated sea beams have had died2. The Prefecture will make a further survey for red tides in other sea areas suspecting a possible reason3 that the water temperature raised due to an terrible heat spell caused the red tides these days. The total damage is expected to reach 121 million yen.

 

コメント

 

1.       この調査を行った(found)以前の出来事なので、時制を一つ過去に遡り、過去完了形にします。

 

2.       and killed about 250,000 cultivated sea beams.と能動態で表現するほうが一般的です。

 

3.       I suspect that he cheated his wife. I suspect him of having cheated his wife.というようにsuspectを使います。練習問題では添削のようにするか、または ~suspecting the water temperature ~ of having caused the red tides. と表現します。もう一つの表現方法は ~ suspecting the water temperature ~ to be a possible reason for causing the red tides.です。

 

添削後の文章

 

On July 22, a survey by Ehime Prefecture found that red tides had appeared in the area of Kita-nada Bay in Ehime Prefecture and about 250,000 of cultivated sea beams had died. The Prefecture will make a further survey for red tides in other areas suspecting that the water temperature raised due to a heat spell caused the red tides. The total damage is expected to reach 121 million yen.

 

 

投稿 1(マウント60、7 April 05

 

A survey conducted by Ehime Prefecture revealed on July 22 that some250, 000 farmed sea breams were found dead under the influence of the red tide which broke out in the whole of Kitanada Gulf in the prefecture. The total damages amounted to about 121.5 million yen. The prefecture will also conduct a survey about red tide in other sea areas as it saw the case as the result of higher water temperature in the sea caused by the intense heat of summer.

 

添削

 

A survey conducted by Ehime Prefecture revealed on July 22 that some250,000 farmed sea breams were found dead under the influence of the red tide which broke out in the whole of Kitanada Gulf in the prefecture. The total damages amounted to about 121.5 million yen. The prefecture will also conduct a survey about of the red tide in other sea areas as it saw suspects1 that the case as the result of an increase in higher water temperature in the sea caused by the intense heat of summer caused the red tide2.

 

コメント

 

1.       ここではsuspectがよいでしょう。文の前半が未来形なのでsuspectは現在形にします。

 

2.       「海の温度」を主語にすると文が簡単になります。最初の文は投稿のままでもわかりやすいですが、次のように主語を変えるともっとやさしくなります。On July 22, Ehime Prefecture found that a red water break-out killed about 250 thousand sea breams in Kitagawa Gulf.

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey conducted by Ehime Prefecture revealed on July 22 that some250,000 farmed sea breams were found dead under the influence of the red tide which broke out in the whole of Kitanada Gulf in the prefecture. The total damage amounted to about 121.5 million yen. The prefecture will also conduct a survey of the red tide in other areas as it suspects that an increase in water temperature by the intense heat of summer caused the red tide.

 

 

初級問題 169

 

今治地方観光協会は観光客向けのレンタサイクル30台を今治観光旅館ホテル同業組合に貸与する一方、市内観光用のレンタルサイクルマップを作り、希望者に配布している。 レンタサイクルはオレンジ色のフレームで3段変速式。市内15の宿泊施設に1〜3台配備し、宿泊者などに貸し出す。

 

読者からの投稿 11(BURU, 14 June 16

 

The tourist association of Imabari has rent the tourist hotel association of Imabari thirty bicycles for the tourists. On the other hand, the tourist association also made the cycling map for the sightseeing of Imabari City. The map has been distributed to the tourists. The bicycles have an orange frame and a three speeds gear. The tourist association will send 15 hotels one to three bicycles each. After that these hotels can rent their hotel guests.

 

添削

 

The tTourist aAssociation of Imabari1 has rent thirty bicycles for the use of tourists to the tTourist hHotel aAssociation of Imabari thirty bicycles for the tourists. On the other hand, tThe tTourist aAssociation has also made the a cycling map for the sightseeing of Imabari City. The map has been distributed to the tourists. The bicycles have an orange frame and a three speeds gears. The tTourist aAssociation rents will send one to three bicycles each to 15 hotels one to three bicycles each. After that tThese hotels can rent these bicycles to their hotel guests.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       固有名詞にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Tourist Association of Imabari has rent thirty bicycles for the use of tourists to the Tourist Hotel Association of Imabari. The Tourist Association has also made a cycling map for the sightseeing of Imabari City. The map has been distributed to tourists. The bicycles have an orange frame and a three speed gears. The Tourist Association rents one to three bicycles each to 15 hotels. These hotels can rent these bicycles to their hotel guests.

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 1 April 13

 

Imabari Region Tourist Association has lent Imabari Sightseeing Hotel Association 30 bicycles and made a map for a rent-a-bicycle and distributes it, if wanted. Rent-a-bicycle has orange-colored frame with a triple gear. Each 15 hotels in the city has from one to three rent-a-bicycle and lent visitors them.

 

添削

 

The Imabari Region Tourist Association has lent 30 bicycles to the Imabari Tourist Sightseeing Hotel Association. 30 bicycles and It has also made a city map for cycling by a rent-a- rental bicycle and distributes it to anyone who wants it, if wanted. The rental Rent-a-bicycle has an orange-colored frame with a triple gears. Each of the 15 hotels of the Imabari Tourist Association in the city has from one to three rental rent-a-bicycles for their guests and lent visitors them.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Imabari Region Tourist Association has lent 30 bicycles to the Imabari Tourist Hotel Association. It has also made a city map for cycling by a rental bicycle and distributes it to anyone who wants it. The rental bicycle has an orange-colored frame with triple gears. Each of the 15 hotels of the Imabari Tourist Association has one to three rental bicycles for their guests .

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(かい、28 April 11

 

The Imabari District Sightseeing Association make maps for a sightseeing in Imabari city of tourist's using a bicycle rental and distribute those who are interested a map while the association is lending 30 bicycle rental to the association of Japanese style inns and hotels for sightseeing in Imabari city. The bicycle is a orange-framed, three-speed, and will be equipped in 15 accommodations with 1 to 3 per that and lent to guests.