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練習問題添削 151−160

 

練習問題 151(9 June 04) (25 Jan 05) (11 Nov 06) (26 July 07) (29 July 07) (31 July 08)

                (2 July 08) (19 Jan 10) (4 April 11) (4 March 13) (1 Feb 16)

練習問題 152(9 June 04) (25 Jan 05) (11 Nov 06) (27 July 07) (29 July 07) (1 Aug 08)

                            (3 July 08) (19 Jan 10) (5 April 11) (4 March 13) (14 Feb 16)

練習問題 153(9 June 04) (26 Jan 05) (11 Nov 06) (27 July 07) (30 July 07) (3 Aug 08)

                            (4 Aug 08) (19 Jan 10) (5 April 11) (4 March 13) (14 Feb 16)

練習問題 154(9 June 04) (26 Jan 05) (11 Nov 06) (28 July 07) (30 July 07) (3 Aug 08)

                      (19 Jan 10) (6 April 11) (4 March 13) (14 Feb 16)

練習問題 155(9 June 04) (27 Jan 05) (14 Nov 06) (28 July 07) (30 July 07) (3 Aug 08)

                            (5 Aug 08) (19 Jan 10) ) (8 April 11) (10 Mar 13) (17 Feb 16)

練習問題 156(15 June 04) (27 Jan 05) (14 Nov 06) (3 Feb 07) (29 July 07) (3 Aug 07)

                            (6 Aug 08) (11 Aug 08) (24 Jan 10) (12 April 11) (29 June 12)

(10 March 13) (17 Feb 16)

練習問題 157(15 June 04) (28 Jan 05) (14 Nov 06) (3 Aug 07) (4 Aug 07) (7 Aug 08)

                          (11 Aug 08) (24 Jan 10) (13 April 11) (11 March 13) (9 Mar 16)

練習問題 158(15 June 04) (28 Jan 05) (15 Nov 06) (4 Aug 07) (5 Aug 07) (8 Aug 08)

                            (12 Aug 08) (24 Jan 10) (15 April 11) (11 March 13) (3 April 13) (2 Apr 16)

 

練習問題 159(16 June 04) (30 Jan 05) (15 Nov 06) (4 Aug 07) (5 Aug 07) (13 Aug 08)

                            (6 March 09) (24 Jan 10) (15 April 11) (11 March 13) (30 June 16)

練習問題 160(16 June 04) (9 Jan 05) (15 Nov 06) (5 Aug 07) (6 Aug 07)14 Aug 08

                            (6 March 09) (24 Jan 10) (16 April 11) (17 March 13) (9 April 16)

 

練習問題 151

 

2001年12月に東北新幹線が八戸まで開業したのに伴う経済効果を、青森、岩手両県の商工団体が観光やイベント業界などを対象にしてアンケートしたところ、「新幹線効果はなかった」との回答が「好影響があった」を上回った。

 

読者からの投稿 10(BURU, 1 February 16

 

The commerce and industry association both Aomori and Iwate prefecture surveyed the economic effectiveness to entertainment industry after starting operation of Tohoku Shinkansen to Hachinohe in December 2001. According to this surveillance, the reply overweigh “no effective” than “well effect”.

 

添削

 

The cCommerce and industry associations1 in both Aomori and Iwate pPrefecture2 surveyed the economic impact3 effectiveness to on their entertainment and event industryies of after starting operation of the extension of Tohoku Shinkansen to Hachinohe in December 2001. According to this survey surveillance, the reply of overweigh “no effectiveimpactwas more than the reply of positive impact well effect”.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略は推測できますが、the economic effectiveness of ~ のところが分かり難いです。

 

青森市商工会議所ならthe Chamber of Commerce and Industry of Aomori Cityと固有名詞ですが、ここでは、これを指すのかどうか日本文がはっきりしません。添削ではある種の商工団体の意味として、一般名詞にしました。

 

Aomori Prefectureと固有名詞にします。

 

The economic impact of A on Bまたはthe economic impact on B of Aの形が一般的です。

 

添削後の文章

 

Commerce and industry associations in Aomori and Iwate Prefecture surveyed the economic impact on their entertainment and event industries of the extension of Tohoku Shinkansen to Hachinohe in December 2001. According to this survey , the reply of “no impact” was more than the reply of “positive impact ”.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Valley winds, 4 March 13

 

According to the result of a questionnaire about economic effect of extension of Tohoku Shinkansen to Hatinohe on December 2001 for tourist and entertainment industries by an organization of commerce and industry in Aomori and Iwate Prefecture, those who answered that this extension of Shinkansen wasn’t effective for local economy were more than people who answered that effective.

 

添削

 

According to the results of a questionnaire about the economic effect of the extension of Tohoku Shinkansen to Hatinohe on December 2001 on for tourist and entertainment industries by an organization of commerce and industry in Aomori and Iwate Prefecture, those who answered that the this extension of Shinkansen wasn’t effective for the local economy were outnumbered more than those people who answered that the extension was effective.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to the results of a questionnaire about the economic effect of the extension of Tohoku Shinkansen to Hatinohe on December 2001 on tourist and entertainment industries by an organization of commerce and industry in Aomori and Iwate Prefecture, those who answered that the extension of Shinkansen wasn’t effective for the local economy outnumbered those who answered that the extension was effective.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(かい、4 April 11

 

Commerce and industry associations in Aomori and Iwate had a questionnaire targeted for tourism and event industries on the effect of the economy that was accompanied by the service of Tohoku-Shinkansen's extension to Hachinohe on December 2001. The results of a questionnaire showed that the answer of non-effect for its extension was more than that of favorable effect for it.

 

添削

 

Commerce and industry associations in Aomori and Iwate Prefecture had a questionnaire survey targeted at for tourism and event industries on the economic effects of the economy that were was accompanied by the service of Tohoku-Shinkansen's extension to Hachinohe on December 2001. The results of the survey a questionnaire showed that the answers of non-effect for its extension was were more than that those of favorable effects for it.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Commerce and industry associations in Aomori and Iwate Prefecture had a questionnaire survey targeted at tourism and event industries on economic effects that were  accompanied by the Tohoku-Shinkansen's extension to Hachinohe on December 2001. The results of the survey showed that the answers of no-effect were more than those of favorable effects.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 19 January b10

 

A joint survey by commerce and industry associations in Aomori and Iwate Prefectures saw somewhat unexpected outcome. The survey asked the tourism and event industries about the economic effects brought about by the extension of the Tohoku Shinkansen to Hachinohe in December, 2001. Negative responses saying that there was little or no benefit outnumbered affirmative ones.

 

添削

 

A joint survey by commerce and industry associations in Aomori and Iwate Prefectures saw found somewhat unexpected results outcome. The survey asked the tourism and event industries about the1 economic effects brought about by the extension of the Tohoku Shinkansen to Hachinohe in December, 2001. Negative responses saying that there was little or no benefit outnumbered affirmative ones.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       新幹線延長の影響ですが、影響自体はまだ一般的なものなので定冠詞は要りません。

 

添削後の文章

 

A joint survey by commerce and industry associations in Aomori and Iwate Prefectures found somewhat unexpected results . The survey asked the tourism and event industries about economic effects brought about by the extension of the Tohoku Shinkansen to Hachinohe in December, 2001. Negative responses saying that there was little or no benefit outnumbered affirmative ones.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 2 July 08

 

The Tohoku bullet train line was extended to Hachinohe in December, 2001. The commerce and industry associations of Aomori prefecture and Iwate prefecture conduct a joint survey on the economic effect of the bullet train targeted at the tourist industry and the event industry. The answer that there was no effect of the bullet train outnumbered the answer that there was favorable effect of the bullet train.

 

添削

 

The Tohoku bullet train line was extended to Hachinohe in December, 2001. The commerce and industry associations of in Aomori prefecture and Iwate pPrefecture conducted a joint survey on the economic effect of the bullet train targeted at businesses1 in the tourist industry and the event industry. Businesses The answering that there was no effect of the bullet train outnumbered those the answering that there was some favorable effects of the bullet train.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       商工団体が観光やイベント業界に属する企業、とすると話が具体的になり、また次の文(添削後の)とのつながりがよくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Tohoku bullet train line was extended to Hachinohe in December, 2001. The commerce and industry associations in Aomori and Iwate Prefecture conducted a joint survey on the economic effect of the bullet train targeted at businesses in the tourist industry and the event industry. Businesses answering that there was no effect outnumbered those answering that there was some favorable effects .

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(dunkel, 31 July 08

 

Commerce and industry groups in Aomori and Iwate Prefecture asked companies which belong to sightseeing and event industry whether the extension of Tohoku Shinkansen to Hachinohe City brought them positive economic effects or not. The number of companies which had no effects was larger than companies which had good effects.

 

添削

 

Commerce and industry associations1 groups in Aomori and Iwate Prefecture asked companies in which belong to the sightseeing and event industryies whether the extension of Tohoku Shinkansen to Hachinohe City brought them positive economic effects or not. The number of companies which answered2 had no effects was larger than those companies who answered which had good effects.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       industry groupsとすると系列企業のようにも取れるのでindustry associationsがよいでしょう。

 

2.       askedに呼応してansweredがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Commerce and industry associations in Aomori and Iwate Prefecture asked companies in  the sightseeing and event industries whether the extension of Tohoku Shinkansen to Hachinohe City brought them positive economic effects or not. The number of companies which answered “no effects” was larger than those who answered “good effects”.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、29 July 07

 

The Tohoku Shinkansen line extended to Hachinohe in November, 2001. Commerce and industry associations in Aomori and Iwate Prefectures sent out questionnaires about its economic effects to the sightseeing and the event industry. They answered that Shinkansen line had effect on the area or that it wasn't successful at all. The latter answer exceeded the former one.

 

添削

 

The Tohoku Shinkansen lLine extended from Morioka to Hachinohe1 in November, 2001. Commerce and industry associations in Aomori and Iwate Prefectures sent out a questionnaires about its economic effects to the sightseeing and the event industry in these prefectures asking them about economic effects of the extension2. They answered The answer that Shinkansen line the extension had some positive effect on the area exceeded the answer that the extension had little effect3. or that it wasn't successful at all. The latter answer exceeded the former one.

 

コメント

 

1.       東北新幹線の盛岡から八戸への延長に伴う経済効果についての調査なので、from Morioka to Hachinoheとするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       Sent A to B という形のして、asking them about ~は修飾節にしたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

3.       二つの答えを名詞節にして文の中にいれたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Tohoku Shinkansen Line extended from Morioka to Hachinohe in November, 2001. Commerce and industry associations in Aomori and Iwate Prefecture sent out a questionnaire to the sightseeing and the event industry in these prefectures asking them about economic effects of the extension. The answer that the extension had some positive effect on the area exceeded the answer that the extension had little effect.

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、 26 July 07

 

A questionnaire about the economic effect with the extension of the line of Tohoku Shinkansen to Hachinohe on December 2001 was conducted for commerce and industry committees both in Aomori prefecture and in Iwate prefecture and for a tourism industry and an event industry. The results showed a number of people who thought the extension had no impact on the economy exceed a number of people who thought the extension had a favorable impact on the economy.

 

添削

 

A questionnaire survey about the economic effect with of the extension of the line of Tohoku Shinkansen Line to Hachinohe on in December 2001 was conducted for by commerce and industry committees associations both in Aomori prefecture and in Iwate pPrefecture and for a the tourism industry and an event industry. The results showed that a the number of people who thought the extension had no impact effect on their economy  industry1 exceeded a the number of people who thought the extension had a some favorable impact effect on their economy industry.

 

コメント

 

1.       観光業界またはイベント業界への影響だとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

A questionnaire survey about the economic effect of the extension of the Tohoku Shinkansen Line to Hachinohe in December 2001 was conducted by commerce and industry associations both in Aomori and in Iwate Prefecture for the tourism industry and event industry. The results showed that the number of people who thought the extension had no effect on their industry exceeded the number of people who thought the extension had some favorable effect on their industry.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(KAPPA2004, 11 November 06

 

Industry and Commercial Associations in Aomori and Iwate asked questionnaire to the tourism industry and event industry regarding economic effects on the business opening of Tohoku Shinkansen train bound for Hachinohe in December 2001.The response of“ there is no Shinkansen effects “has exceeded the one of “ there were good effects”.

 

添削

 

Industry and Ccommerciale Aassociations1 in Aomori and Iwate Prefecture asked sent2 a questionnaire to the tourism industry and event industry businesses3 asking regarding economic effects of the on the business opening extension of Tohoku Shinkansen train bound for to Hachinohe in December 2001.The response results showed that of“ there is are no Shinkansen effects “has exceeded the one of “ there were are good effects”.

 

コメント

 

1.       ここは普通名詞になります。青森商工会議所ならばthe Industry and Commerce Association of Aomori Prefectureとなります。

 

2.       a questionnaireは質問状ですから、sent a questionnaireになります。

 

3.       industryは業界全体を指します。ここでは個々の業者に質問したので、businessesがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Industry and commerce associations in Aomori and Iwate Prefecture sent a questionnaire to tourism and event businesses asking economic effects of the extension of Tohoku Shinkansen to Hachinohe in December 2001.The results showed that “ there are no Shinkansen effects “exceeded “ there are good effects”.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、25 Jan 05

 

Commerce-promoting bodies in both Aomori and Iwate Prefectures sent out questionnaires to sightseeing or event industry to survey the economic effects as the result of the start of service of the Tohoku Shinkansen Line up to Hachinohe City in December, 2001.  Consequently, those who replied that there was no economic effect of the Shinkansen outnumbered those who replied that there was a good economic effect.

 

添削

 

Commerce-promoting bodies Business associations1 in both Aomori and Iwate Prefectures jointly2 sent out a questionnaires3 to sightseeing or and event industryies to survey the economic effects as the result of the start of service of the Tohoku Shinkansen Line up to Hachinohe City in December, 2001. The survey found that4 Consequently, those who replied that there was no economic effect5 of the Shinkansen outnumbered those who replied that there was a good economic effect.

 

コメント

 

1.       商工団体は正確にはcommerce and industry associationsですが、ここでは一般的にbusiness associationsでよいとおもいます。

 

2.       共同して調査をしたようなのでbothよりjointlyのほうが意味がはっきりします。

 

3.       送ったアンケートの数は複数ですが、アンケートの種類は一つなのでa questionnaireになります。

 

4.       The survey found that ~のほうが意味がはっきりします。Consequentlyは「なにかものごとが起こってその結果は」なのでアンケート調査のほかになにかあったのかな、という疑問が出てきます。

 

5.       アンケート調査なので引用句で囲んでこのようにすると簡単になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Business associations in Aomori and Iwate Prefectures jointly sent out a questionnaire to sightseeing and event industries to survey the economic effects of the start of service of the Tohoku Shinkansen Line up to Hachinohe City in December, 2001. The survey found that  those who replied “no economic effect” outnumbered those who replied “good economic effect”.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NOMU, 09 June 03

 

Commercial and Industrial associations in Aomori and Iwate prefectures asked companies in tourism and event planning if there was any good effect generated after Tohoku shinkansen line had been extended to Hachinohe in December 2001. Those who answered there had been no 'shinkansen effect' outnumbered those answered there was some positive influence.

 

添削

 

Commercial and Iindustrial associations in Aomori and Iwate pPrefectures asked surveyed1 companies in tourism and event planning if there was any good positive economic effect generated2 after the Tohoku sShinkansen lLine had been extended to Hachinohe in December 2001. The survey showed that3 Tthose who answered there had been 4no 'Sshinkansen effect' outnumbered3 those who answered there was some positive influence.

 

コメント

 

NOMUさんは日本文の内容をちょうど良いところで二つの英文に分けて表現しています。投稿のままでもわかりやすい英文ですが、添削は少し読みやすくなるようにしました。

 

1.       Surveyedとすると「アンケート調査をした」ということがはっきりします。

 

2.       Generatedはおまけのなので要りません。Generatedを入れるとgenerateした主体が必要になるので、~ if the extension of the Tohoku Shinkansen Line to Hachinohe in December 2001 had generated any positive economic impact for the those industries.というように変わります。

 

3.       短い文章ですが、The survey showed that~を入れると二つの文がスムースにつながり読みやすくなります。

 

4.       これを省略して文を簡潔に出来ます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Commercial and industrial associations in Aomori and Iwate Prefectures surveyed companies in tourism and event planning if there was any positive economic effect after the Tohoku Shinkansen Line had been extended to Hachinohe in December 2001. The survey showed that those who answered no 'Shinkansen effect' outnumbered those who answered some positive influence.

 

 

練習問題 152

 

外務省は6月1日夜、イラクの日本人フリー記者襲撃事件を受け、同省記者クラブに加盟する新聞、通信、テレビ各社に対し、イラクで取材活動をしている日本人記者を直ちに退避させるよう「強く勧告する」との文書を出した。

 

読者からの投稿 11(BURU, 14 February 16

 

After a Japanese freelance journalist was attacked by somebody in Iraq, Ministry of Foreign Affairs issued a warning letter to the affiliated companies of its press club included Newspapers, News services and TV stations on the night of June 1. The letter mentioned it “Strong Warning” to leave Iraq for Japanese journalists who are working there immediately.

 

添削

 

After a Japanese freelance journalist was attacked by somebody in Iraq, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs issued a warning letter to the affiliated companies belonging to of its press club includeding Nnewspapers, Nnews services and TV stations on the night of June 1. The letter contained a mentioned it “Strong Warning” to leave Iraq for Japanese journalists who are were1 working in Iraq there to leave the country immediately.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかりますが、第二文の構成がわかり難いです。

 

1.       動詞の時制の一致です。

 

添削後の文章

 

After a Japanese freelance journalist was attacked by somebody in Iraq, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs issued a warning letter to the companies belonging to its press club including newspapers, news services and TV stations on the night of June 1. The letter contained a  “Strong Warning” for Japanese journalists who were working in Iraq to leave the country immediately.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 4 March 13

 

Because the Japanese freelance journalist was struck in Iraq, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs issued toward each newspapers news agencies and television stations associated the press society a strong recommendation notice that they should make their journalists acting in Iraq evacuate immediately on June 1 night.

 

添削

 

In the evening of June 1, after Because the a Japanese freelance journalist was attacked struck in Iraq, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs issued toward each newspapers news agencies and television stations associated the press society a strong recommendation in writing notice that the newspapers, news companies and TV stations who were members of the press club of the Ministry they should evacuate their reporters make their journalists acting from in Iraq evacuate immediately on June 1 night..

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてが推測できます。

 

1.       that節の中を誰が何をする、という構文にするとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

In the evening of June 1, after a Japanese freelance journalist was attacked in Iraq, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs issued a strong recommendation in writing that the newspapers, news companies and TV stations who were members of the press club of the Ministry  should evacuate their reporters from Iraq immediately..

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(かい、5 April 11

 

As a result of the attack on a Japanese freelance reporter in Iraq , The Ministry of Foreign Affairs issued the strong admonition on the evening of June 1 that newspaper companies, news services, and TV stations affiliated with the Ministry's press club should evacuate Japanese reporters of gathering news in there immediately.

 

添削

 

As a result of the attack on a Japanese freelance reporter in Iraq , The Ministry of Foreign Affairs issued the a strong admonition recommendation on the evening of June 1 that newspaper companies, news services, and TV stations affiliated with the Ministry's press club should evacuate their Japanese reporters of gathering news in Iraq there immediately.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。わかりやすい文章の構成です。

添削後の文章

 

As a result of the attack on a Japanese freelance reporter in Iraq, The Ministry of Foreign Affairs issued a strong recommendation on the evening of June 1 that newspaper companies, news services, and TV stations affiliated with the Ministry's press club should evacuate their Japanese reporters in Iraq immediately.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 19 January 10

 

In the wake of a terrorist attack on a Japanese freelance reporter in Iraq, the Foreign Ministry issued on the evening of June 1 a written warning to the newspapers, news agencies and TV broadcasters joining the ministry’s press club. It strongly recommended that they have all of their Japanese reporters working in Iraq immediately leave the country.

 

添削

 

In the wake of a terrorist attack on a Japanese freelance reporter in Iraq, the Foreign Ministry issued on the evening of June 1 a written warning to the newspapers, news agencies and TV broadcasters joining who were the members of the mMinistry’s press club. It The warning strongly recommended that they should immediately pull out have all of their Japanese reporters from working in Iraq immediately leave the country.

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

In the wake of a terrorist attack on a Japanese freelance reporter in Iraq, the Foreign Ministry issued on the evening of June 1 a written warning to the newspapers, news agencies and TV broadcasters who were the members of the Ministry’s press club. The warning strongly recommended that they should immediately pull out all of their reporters from Iraq .

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 3 July 08

 

The Ministry of Foreign Affairs issued a document that Japanese news correspondents working in Iraq should be evacuated from Iraq right away aimed at each newspaper, news agency, or TV broadcast belonged to the press club at the Ministry of Foreign Affair on the night of June 1 after the assault on Japanese freelance journalist in Iraq.

 

添削

 

On the evening of June 11, Tthe Ministry of Foreign Affairs issued a document that Japanese news correspondents working in Iraq should be evacuated from Iraq right away. The document was handed to aimed at each all newspapers, news agencyies, and or TV companies broadcast that belonged to the press club at the Ministry of Foreign Affair on the night of June 1 after an terrorist the assault on a Japanese freelance journalist had taken place in Iraq.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。日本文は一つの文ですが、英文では幾つかの文に内容を分けたほうがよみやすいでしょう。

 

 

1.       日が落ちた後でもまだ働いている時間帯がeveningです。at nightというと通常の人は寝ている時間帯を指します。

 

添削後の文章

 

On the evening of June 1, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs issued a document that Japanese news correspondents working in Iraq should be evacuated from Iraq right away. The document was handed to all newspapers, news agencies, and TV companies that belonged to the press club at the Ministry of Foreign Affair after an terrorist assault on a Japanese freelance journalist had taken place in Iraq.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 1 Aug 08

 

At night on June 1, Ministry of Foreign Affairs released a document for warning Japanese press persons who work in Iraq to evacuate as soon as possible. This warning was sent to the member companies of the correspondent club in the ministry including newspaper companies, news agencies and TV companies after the terrorist attack against Japanese freelance journalists had happened in Iraq.

 

添削

 

On the evening of At night on June 1, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs released a document for warning Japanese press persons who worked in Iraq to evacuate as soon as possible. This warning was sent to the member companies of the correspondent club in the ministry including newspaper companies, news agencies and TV companies after a the terrorist attack against Japanese freelance journalists had happened in Iraq.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On the evening of June 1, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs released a document warning Japanese press persons who worked in Iraq to evacuate as soon as possible. This warning was sent to the member companies of the correspondent club in the ministry including newspaper companies, news agencies and TV companies after a terrorist attack against Japanese freelance journalists had happened in Iraq.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(29 July 07

 

At night on June 1, the Foreign Ministry received the information  that a Japanese freelance writer was attacked in Iraq. The Foreign Ministry issued the document strongly recommending that they force Japanese writers to do news gathering activities to leave from Iraq soon. The Foreign Ministry gave it to each of newspaper companies, wire agencies and television companies belonging to the Foreign Ministry.

 

添削

 

At night on June 1, the Foreign Ministry received the information that a Japanese freelance writer journalist was attacked in Iraq. The Foreign Ministry immediately1 issued the a document strongly recommending that they force all Japanese media correspondents writers to do news gathering activities to leave from Iraq soon. The Foreign Ministry gave it the document to each of newspaper companies, wire news agencies and television companies belonging to the correspondent club of the Foreign Ministry.

 

コメント

 

1.       「6月1日夜」にイラクの日本人フリー記者襲撃事件が起こり、外務省は直ちに警告をだした、という文脈で英文にしていますね。元の新聞記事の内容を忘れてしまいましたが、イラクの日本人フリー記者襲撃事件は6月1日以前に起こり、これを受けて6月1日に外務省が警告を出した、という解釈も問題を読む限りでは可能です。

 

添削後の文章

 

At night on June 1, the Foreign Ministry received information that a Japanese freelance journalist was attacked in Iraq. The Foreign Ministry immediately issued a document strongly recommending all Japanese media correspondents to leave Iraq. The Foreign Ministry gave the document to newspaper companies, news agencies and television companies belonging to the correspondent club of the Foreign Ministry.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、27 July 07

 

At night on July 1st,  Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Japan strongly ordered in writing newspaper companies, communication enterprises, and television companies which belonged to the correspondent club of the ministry  to evacuate Japanese correspondent from Iraq after receiving the information about the terrorist attack against Japanese correspondent on freelance basis in Iraq.

 

添削

 

At night on On the evening of July 1st, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Japan strongly ordered recommended1 in writing newspaper companies, communication enterprises, and television companies which belonged to the correspondent club of the ministry to evacuate Japanese correspondents from Iraq after receiving the information about that the terrorists attacked against a Japanese freelance correspondent on freelance basis in Iraq.

 

コメント

 

1.       外務省の出来ることは「強く勧告」でしょう。「強く命令」は出来ないでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On the evening of July 1st, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Japan strongly recommended in writing newspaper companies, communication enterprises, and television companies which belonged to the correspondent club of the ministry to evacuate Japanese correspondents from Iraq after receiving the information that terrorists attacked a Japanese freelance correspondent in Iraq.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(KAPPA2004, 11 November 06

 

On the night of June 1 st when a Japanese free writer was assaulted in Iraq, Ministry of Foreign Affairs sent a letter to newspaper companies, news agencies, and TV stations which join the press club in the Ministry. It states strong advice to evacuate Japanese news reporters from Iraq immediately.

 

添削

 

On the night of June 1 st when a Japanese free writer was assaulted in Iraq, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs sent a letter to newspaper companies, news agencies, and TV stations which join belonged to  the press club in the Ministry. It states with1 a strong advice to evacuate Japanese news reporters from Iraq immediately.

 

コメント

 

1.       前の文とsent a letter ~ with a strong adviceのように続いたほうが内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

On the night of June 1 when a Japanese free writer was assaulted in Iraq, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs sent a letter to newspaper companies, news agencies, and TV stations which  belonged to the press club with a strong advice to evacuate Japanese news reporters from Iraq immediately.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、25 Jan 05

 

On hearing the news of Japanese free-lance reporters gunned down in Iraq, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs issued on the night of June 1 the following statement to newspapers, news agencies and televisions that belong to the press club of the ministry. We "strongly urge" you to immediately evacuate Japanese reporters covering Iraq.

 

添削

 

On hearing the news of Japanese free-lance reporters being1 gunned down in Iraq, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs issued on the night of June 1 the following statement to newspapers, news agencies and televisions that belonged to the press club of the ministry. We "strongly urge" you to immediately evacuate Japanese reporters covering from Iraq2.

 

コメント

 

1.       投稿のままだと「イラクで襲撃された日本人記者のニュースを聞いて」となり、beingをいれると「イラクで日本人記者が襲撃されたというニュースを聞いて」となります。日本語では意味の違いははっきりしませんが、英語では後者のほうが正確な内容になります。

 

2.       勧告の内容を独立の文章にしたので意味がはっきりしましたね。

 

添削後の文章

 

On hearing the news of Japanese free-lance reporters being gunned down in Iraq, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs issued on the night of June 1 the following statement to newspapers, news agencies and televisions that belonged to the press club of the ministry. We "strongly urge" you to immediately evacuate Japanese reporters from Iraq.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NOMU, 9 June 04

 

In the wake of the incident in which Japanese freelance reporters had been attacked and killed in Iraq, Japan's Foreign Ministry issued a document to newspaper, communication and TV companies which belong to the ministry's press club on June 1 evening. The document strongly recommended that Japanese reporters working in Iraq should be evacuated immediately.

 

添削

 

In the wake of the incident1 in which Japanese freelance reporters had been attacked and killed in Iraq, Japan's Foreign Ministry issued a document in the evening of June 12 to newspaper, communication and TV companies which belonged3 to the ministry's press club on June 1 evening. The document strongly recommended that Japanese reporters working in Iraq should be evacuated immediately.

 

コメント

 

1.       日本文の内容を考えた「なあるほど」と思う上手な表現ですね。この添削講座では文章の構成に重点を置いていて、英語の常套句、熟語の使い方にはあまりコメントしていません。使用頻度の高い単語を使って簡潔な文章で日本文の内容を表現する、ということを基本にしています。 そしてこれはプレイン・イングリッシュの基本でもあります。しかし、適切な常套句、熟語を使うと英語を母語とする人たちには、文章に「親しみ」が出ます。

 

2.       日時を文のどこに置くかはいつも苦労します。この日時が文の内容でどれほどの重さを持つかによります。この例題では外務省が記者襲撃の後すぐに警告を出したようなので、日時も重要になりますから、文の最後から真ん中に移しました。もっと日時を強調するには、Japan’s Foreign Ministry immediately issued a document in the evening of June 1 to ~とする方法もあります。

 

3.       時制の一致の問題ですが、このような文脈ではbelongと現在形にする(現在でもこれらのメディア関係各社は記者クラブに属している)文も増えています。時制の一致を守ってbelongedと過去形にするのとどちらが良いかは どちらがより自然に聞こえるか、なのですが、これは現在どちらの例が多いか、ということになり、私が日常無意識に見聞している英文のデータベースによります。私には、belonged のほうがまだ自然に聞こえます。

添削後の文章

 

In the wake of the incident in which Japanese freelance reporters had been attacked and killed in Iraq, Japan's Foreign Ministry issued a document in the evening of June 1 to newspaper, communication and TV companies which belonged to the ministry's press club. The document strongly recommended that Japanese reporters working in Iraq should be evacuated immediately.

 

 

練習問題 153

 

埼玉県上尾市の市立自然学習館で5月31日、展示品のスズメバチの巣が燃えるぼやがあった。朝からの強い日差しが観察用の虫眼鏡で一点に集まり、出火したとみている。

 

読者からの投稿 11(BURU, 14 February 14

 

There was a small fire at the public nature museum at Ageo City in Saitama Prefecture on May 31. The fire burned the exhibition of the hornets’ nest. It might be caused strong sunshine since morning to focus on the hand glass for viewing on one point.

 

添削

 

There was a small fire at the public nature museum at Ageo City in Saitama Prefecture on May 31. The fire burned the exhibition of the a hornets’ nest. It might be caused by a strong sunshine since the morning which was to focused on the nest through on the a magnifying hand glass for viewing the nest on one point.

 

コメント

 

第三文の内容がわかりません。添削のような構成にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

There was a small fire at the public nature museum at Ageo City in Saitama Prefecture on May 31. The fire burned the exhibition of a hornets’ nest. It might be caused by a strong sunshine since the morning which was focused on the nest through a magnifying glass for viewing the nest .

 

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 4 March 13

 

The Nature Learning Municipal Museum in Ageo City Saitama Prefecture had a small fire that a hive of hornets exhibited burned on My 31. They seemed that strong sunlight focused on one point on the hive by a magnifying glass for observation and then it ignited.

 

添削

 

The Municipal Nature Learning Municipal Museum in Ageo City, Saitama Prefecture had a small fire that burned a hive of hornets exhibited at the museum burned on My 31. It They seemed that the strong sunlight was focused on one point on the hive through by a magnifying glass used for observation and then it ignited the hornet hive.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてが推測できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Municipal Nature Learning Museum in Ageo City, Saitama Prefecture had a small fire that burned a hive of hornets exhibited at the museum on My 31. It seemed that the strong sunlight was focused on one point on the hive through a magnifying glass used for observation and ignited the hornet hive.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(かい、5 April 11

 

The small fire of burring the exhibited hornet’s nest occurred in the Ageo municipal nature study center in Saitama prefecture on May 31. The center regards the cause of the fire as the incidence of the phenomenon that hand grasses for a observation accumulated a blaze of the sun at a point in the morning.

 

添削

 

The A small fire of burring the exhibited hornet’s nest occurred in the Ageo mMunicipal nNature sStudy cCenter in Saitama pPrefecture on May 31. The center believes1 regards that the cause of the fire was caused by a magnifying glass for the observation of the hornet’s net 2 when as the incidence of the phenomenon that hand grasses for a observation it accumulated a blaze of the sun at a point in the morning on the hornet’s nest.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、二番目の文の内容がよくわかりません。

 

1.       100パーセント各自ととは言えないが、高い確率でそう思う」と言いたいときにbelieveをつかます。日本語で「信じる」と翻訳すると、「確実にそうだ」の時しか使えないとおもいますが、英文では違います。I thinkのほうがI believeより「確実性」が高い、とはちょっと不思議ですね。

 

2.       the cause of the incidence was A. よりthe incident was caused by A. そしてそれよりA caused the incidence.とわかりやすさが増加します。

 

添削後の文章

 

A small fire of burring the exhibited hornet’s nest occurred in the Ageo Municipal Nature Study Center in Saitama Prefecture on May 31. The center believes that the fire was caused by a magnifying glass for the observation of the hornet’s net when it accumulated a blaze of the sun in the morning on the hornet’s nest.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 19 January 10

 

There was a small fire at the Municipal Nature Study Center in Ageo City, Saitama Prefecture on May 31. The hornet’ nest on display burned. Fire authorities said a blaze of the sun concentrated through a magnifying glass set above the nest for use in observation eventually ignited the nest.

 

添削

 

There was a small fire at the Municipal Nature Study Center in Ageo City, Saitama Prefecture on May 31. The hornet’ nest on display burned. Fire authorities said a blaze of the sun concentrated focused on the nest through a magnifying glass set above the nest for use in observing the nest observation eventually ignited the nest and started the fire.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

There was a small fire at the Municipal Nature Study Center in Ageo City, Saitama Prefecture on May 31. The hornet’ nest on display burned. Fire authorities said a blaze of the sun focused on the nest through a magnifying glass set above the nest for observing the nest ignited the nest and started the fire.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 4 Aug 08

 

On May 31, at a city-run nature study center in Ageo City, Saitama, a small fire happened and burned a wasp's nest on display. A cause of the fire was supposed that strong sunlight since the morning had been focused on the nest through a magnifying glass.

 

 

添削

 

On May 31, at a city-run nature study center in Ageo City, Saitama, a small fire happened when1 and burned a wasp's nest on display caught a fire. A cause of the fire 2The wasp’s nest was supposed to be heated hot enough to start burning when that the strong sunlight since the morning had been focused on the nest through a magnifying glass that was set up above the nest for close observation of the nest3.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、どうしてスズメバチの巣が燃えたのかわかりません。

 

1.       投稿ですと、ボヤがあって、このボヤのためにスズメバチの巣が燃えた、という順序になります。

 

2.       The cause of the fire was the heat accumulated on the surface of the nest when the sunlight ~.としないとThe cause of the fire was (supposed to be) ~.と形式になりません。

 

3.       「観察用の虫眼鏡」ということを説明すると内容がわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On May 31, at a city-run nature study center in Ageo City, Saitama, a small fire happened when a wasp's nest on display caught a fire. The wasp’s nest was supposed to be heated hot enough to start burning when the strong sunlight since the morning had been focused on the nest through a magnifying glass that was set up above the nest for close observation of the nest.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 3 Aug 08

 

On May 31, a nest of hornets which exhibited in the Municipal Museum for Learning Nature burned in Ageo City, Saitama Prefecture. The fire department of the city announced that strong sunlight from the morning of the day had focused on the nest through a magnifying glass for observation and then fire started.

 

添削

 

On May 31, a nest of hornets which was exhibited at in the Municipal Museum for Learning Nature burned in Ageo City, Saitama Prefecture, caught a fire. The fire department of the city announced said that the nest started burning1 when the strong sunlight from the morning of the day had been focused on the nest through a magnifying glass that was set up above the nest for observationing the nest closely and heated the nest and then fire started.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       先ずはスズメバチの巣が燃えた、としてからどのような原因かを次に書いたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

先日、私は庭のリンゴの木の剪定をしていてスズメバチに肩を三箇所刺されました。なんと、リンゴの木に直径15センチ、高さ25センチのスズメバチの巣がぶら下がっていました。市役所に電話をかけて駆除して欲しいと頼むと、町のdo-it-yourselfの店にスズメバチ駆除用の液体の噴霧できる缶を売っているので自分でしてくださいといわれました。明け方のまだスズメバチの活動が鈍い時に、洗濯の時に小物を入れる網の袋を帽子の上から被り、レインコートに手袋、長靴、という物々しい格好で、こわごわとこの駆除液を使いました。すると、おもったより簡単に、スズメバチに追いかけられることなく、スズメバチを駆除できました。

 

添削後の文章

 

On May 31, a nest of hornets which was exhibited at the Municipal Museum for Learning Nature in Ageo City, Saitama Prefecture, caught a fire. The fire department of the city said that the nest started burning when the strong sunlight from the morning had been focused on the nest through a magnifying glass that was set up above the nest for observing the nest closely and heated the nest.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、30 July 07

 

A small fire broke out at the Ageo Nature Study Center in Ageo City, Saitama Prefecture on May 31. The nest of a yellow jacket in showpieces burned. It is considered that the nest burned as strong sunshine from the morning gathered to one point through a magnifying glass for observation.

 

添削

 

A small fire broke out at the Ageo Nature Study Center in Ageo City, Saitama Prefecture on May 31. The nest of a yellow jacket in showpieces burned. It is considered that the nest burned as sStrong sunshine from the morning gathered to one point on a wasp’s nest in the showcase through a magnifying glass that was attached to the showcase for observation observing the nest and started burning the nest.

 

コメント

 

1.       次の文と内容が重複するので省略したほうが文章がすっきりします。

 

2.       スズメバチの巣が燃えた原因を丁寧に説明するとよいでしょう。「朝からの強い日差し」は「その日は朝から終日強い日差しが窓から陳列室を照らしていて、そのため虫眼鏡の焦点となったスズメバチの巣は温度が上がって燃えた。」という内容でしょうが、strong sunshine from the morningではこのような内容は伝わらないので、from the morningを省略してしまったほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A small fire broke out at the Ageo Nature Study Center in Ageo City, Saitama Prefecture on May 31. Strong sunshine gathered to one point on a wasp’s nest in the showcase through a magnifying glass that was attached to the showcase for observing the nest and started burning the nest.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、27 July 07

 

An accident of a hornet's nest, which was on show, burned in fire occurred at the Ageo City  Natural Science Learning Center on May 31th. It seemed to be the reason why the fire occurred that the magnifying glass equipped with the showcase for watching the nest concentrated such a sunshine on the nest that it had been strong even since the morning.

 

添削

 

An accident of a A hornet's nest on display, which was on show, burned in caught a fire1 occurred at the Ageo City Natural Science Learning Center on May 31th31st. It seemed that to be the reason why the fire occurred that2 the a magnifying glass placed on equipped with the showcase for watching the nest concentrated such a sunshinestrong sunshine on the nest and eventually3 started burning the nest. that it had been strong even since the morning.

 

コメント

 

1.       「スズメバチの巣が燃えるぼやがあった。」はスズメバチの巣だけが燃えたのか、またはこれが原因で展示ケースが燃えるなどの「ぼや」があったのかはっきりしませんが、多分、前者でしょう。すると、「スズメバチの巣から火がでた。」で十分でしょう。

 

2.       原因の説明が続くので、その前はIt seemed that ~だけでよいです。

 

3.       「朝からの強い日差し」とありますが、巣が燃え出したのが何時だか書いてないので、eventually そのうち、でよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A hornet's nest on display caught a fire at the Ageo City Natural Science Learning Center on May 31st. It seemed that a magnifying glass placed on the showcase for watching the nest concentrated strong sunshine on the nest and eventually started burning the nest.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(KAPPA2004, 11 November 06

 

On May 31 st, there was a small fire burning vespid nest displayed in the room of Ageo municipal nature study center, Saitama Prefecture. It is assumed that strong sunlight since the morning was focused through magnifying glass for observation caused the fire.

 

添削

 

On May 31 st, there was a small fire burning vespid a hornet nest displayed in the room of at the Ageo mMunicipal nNature sStudy cCenter ,in Saitama Prefecture. Apparently1, It is assumed that the strong sunlight since the morning was focused on the hornet net through a magnifying glass set above the net for observation and caused the fire.

 

コメント

 

1.       apparently見たところでは、〜らしい、どうも〜らしい、どう見ても、という便利な副詞があります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On May 31, there was a small fire burning a hornet nest displayed in the room at the Ageo Municipal Nature Study Center in Saitama Prefecture. Apparently, the strong sunlight since the morning was focused on the hornet net through a magnifying glass set above the net for observation and caused the fire.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、26 Jan 05

 

There was a small fire at the Municipal Nature Study Center in Ageo City, Saitama Prefecture on May 31. A hornet's hive displayed at the center caught fire because the glaring morning sunlight was concentrated at one place on the hive through a magnifying glass for observation.

 

添削

 

There was a small fire at the Municipal Nature Study Center in Ageo City, Saitama Prefecture on May 31. A hornet's hive displayed at the center caught fire because the glaring morning sunlight was concentrated focused on at one place point1 on the hive through a magnifying glass set above the nest2 for observation.

コメント

 

マウント60さんはわかりやすい英文で表現しています。最初の文でボヤがあったことをいってから、二番目の文でボヤの原因を詳しく説明しているので内容がわかりやすくなっています。

 

1.       虫眼鏡とあるのでfocused on one pointとしました。

 

2.       説明を入れると虫眼鏡と蜂の巣の関係がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

There was a small fire at the Municipal Nature Study Center in Ageo City, Saitama Prefecture on May 31. A hornet's hive displayed at the center caught fire because the glaring morning sunlight was focused on one point on the hive through a magnifying glass set above the nest for observation.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NOMU, 9 June 04

 

A small fire broke out from a wasp nest exhibited at the City Nature Study Museum in Kamio city in Saitama prefecture on May 31. There is speculation that a strong sunlight had been gathered on one spot through an magnifying glass, which caused the fire.

 

添削

 

A small fire broke out from a wasp nest exhibited at the City Nature Study Museum in Kamio cCity in Saitama pPrefecture on May 31. There is was speculation that a strong sunlight that had been gathered on one spot on the wasp net through an magnifying glass set above the nest for observation, which caused the fire1.

 

コメント

 

「朝からの強い日差しが観察用の虫眼鏡で一点に集まり、出火したとみている。」は短い文の中にいろいろな情報が詰め込まれています。これらすべてを英文で表現しようとするとどうしても説明的になり文が長くなります。投稿のままですとwhicha strong sunlight had been ~ 以下の文全体を指すようになりますがはっきりしません。文の構造として、A strong sunlight caused the fire.としてこの文を修飾したほうが分かりやすいと思います。「朝からの強い日差し」の「朝から」という内容は入っていませんが、文章のおまけの情報なので省略してよいでしょう。この情報を入れるとなると、「この日は朝から天気が良く、強い日差しが学習館の中にまで届いていた。」というように説明的になってしまいます。「朝からの強い日差しが」にあたるような簡略な英語の表現法もあるのでしょうが、まだ見つけていません。

 

添削後の文章

 

A small fire broke out from a wasp nest exhibited at the City Nature Study Museum in Kamio City in Saitama Prefecture on May 31. There was speculation that a strong sunlight that had been gathered on one spot on the wasp net through an magnifying glass set above the nest for observation caused the fire.

 

 

練習問題 154

 

ギネスブックで世界最長寿と認定されたプエルトリコの女性、114歳のラモナ・イグレシアスさんが5月29日、肺炎のため死去した。

 

読者からの投稿 10(BURU, 14 February 16

 

Ms. Ramona Iglesias, age 114 Puerto Ricans, died of pneumonia on May 29. She was the oldest women in the world which was registered Guinness Book.

 

添削

 

Ms. Ramona Iglesias, age 114 a 114 years old Puerto Ricans, died of pneumonia on May 29. She was the oldest women in the world which was registered on the Guinness Book.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Ms. Ramona Iglesias, a 114 years old Puerto Ricans, died of pneumonia on May 29. She was the oldest women in the world which was registered on the Guinness Book.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Valley winds, 4 March 13

 

114-year-old Puerto Ricoan Ms. Romona Igricious, who was identified by the Guiness Book, died of pneumonia on May 29.

 

添削

 

A 114-year-old Puerto Ricoan woman,  Ms. Romona Igricious, who was identified as the oldest person in the world by the Guiness Book, died of pneumonia on May 29.

 

コメント

 

内容はわかりますが、世界最長寿という情報が欠けています。

 

添削後の文章

 

A 114-year-old Puerto Rico woman, Ms. Romona Igricious, who was identified as the oldest person in the world by the Guiness Book, died of pneumonia on May 29.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(かい、6 April 11

 

Ms. Lamona Igreshias, aged 114 in Puerto Rico, who had been certified as the world's oldest person by the Guiness Book of Records died of pneumonia on May 29.

 

添削

 

Ms. Lamona Igreshias, aged 114, in Puerto Rico, who had been certified as the world's oldest person by the Guiness Book of Records died of pneumonia on May 29.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Ms. Lamona Igreshias, aged 114, in Puerto Rico, who had been certified as the world's oldest person by the Guiness Book of Records died of pneumonia on May 29.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 19 January 10

 

Ramona Igureshias, a 114 year-old Puerto Rican woman, died of pneumonia on May 29. She had been registered in the Guinness Book of Records as the world’s oldest living person.

 

添削

 

Ramona Igureshias, a 114 year-old Puerto Rican woman, died of pneumonia on May 29. She had been registered in the Guinness Book of Records as the world’s oldest living person.

 

コメント

 

添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 5 Aug 08

 

Ms. Ramona Igresius, a 114-year-old woman in Puerto Rico who acknowledged as the world's oldest person on The Guinness Book of Records passed away of pneumonia on May 29.

 

添削

 

Ms. Ramona Igresius, a 114-year-old woman in Puerto Rico who was acknowledged as the world's oldest person on in The Guinness Book of Records passed away of pneumonia on May 29.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Ms. Ramona Igresius, a 114-year-old woman in Puerto Rico who was acknowledged as the world's oldest person in The Guinness Book of Records passed away of pneumonia on May 29.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(dunkel, 3 Aug 08

 

Ms. Ramona Igresius who was 114 years old woman in Puerto Rico and the oldest person in the world at that time admitted by the Guinness Book of Records passed away on May 29 because of the pneumonia.

 

添削

 

Ms. Ramona Igresius in Puerto Rico, who was 114 years old woman in Puerto Rico and entered into the oldest person in the world at that time admitted by the Guinness Book of Records as the oldest person in the world, passed away of pneumonia on May 29 because of the pneumonia.

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、添削のように内容の順序を変えるとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Ms. Ramona Igresius in Puerto Rico, who was 114 years old and entered into the Guinness Book of Records as the oldest person in the world, passed away of pneumonia on May 29.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、30 July 07

 

Ramona Iglesias who was an one-hundred-year-old woman in Puerto Rico was recognized as the longest life in the world in the Guinness Book of World Records. She died of pneumonia on May 29.

 

添削

 

Ramona Iglesias who was an one-hundred-and fourteen year-old woman in Puerto Rico and1 was recognized recorded as the longest oldest person life in the world in the Guinness Book of World Records. She died of pneumonia on May 29.

 

コメント

 

1.       二つの内容を並列に記述したほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Ramona Iglesias was an one-hundred-and fourteen year-old woman in Puerto Rico and  recorded as the oldest person in the world in the Guinness Book of World Records. She died of pneumonia on May 29.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(散歩人、 28 July 07

 

Ramona Trinidad Iglesias-Jordan who was 114 years old Puerto Ricans was identified as the oldest living person by the Guinness Book of Records, but, on May 29th, she died of pneumonia.

 

添削

 

Ramona Trinidad Iglesias-Jordan1 who was a 114 years old Puerto Ricans woman and was identified as the oldest living person by the Guinness Book of Records, but, on May 29th, she died of pneumonia.

 

コメント

 

1.       これが彼女のフルネームでしたか。

 

添削後の文章

 

Ramona Trinidad Iglesias-Jordan was a 114 years old Puerto Rican woman and identified as the oldest living person by the Guinness Book of Records, but on May 29th she died of pneumonia.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(KAPPA2004, 11 November 06

 

A Puerto Rican lady aged 114 years old, Ms Ramona Igressias who was recognized as the oldest person in the world by Guinness Book died of pneumonia on May 29.

 

添削

 

A Puerto Rican lady aged 114 years old, Ms Ramona Igressias, who was recognized as the oldest person in the world by Guinness Book. She1 died of pneumonia on May 29.

 

コメント

 

1.       ここから新しい文にすると、最初の文がわかりやすくなります。新しい文は短くてインパクトがあります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A Puerto Rican lady aged 114 years old, Ms Ramona Igressias, was recognized as the oldest person in the world by Guinness Book. She died of pneumonia on May 29.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、26 January 05

 

Ramona Igureshias, one-hundred-fourteen-year old Puerto Rican female recognized as the oldest in the world by the Guinness Book of Records, died of pneumonia on May 29.

 

添削

 

Ramona Igureshias, one-hundred-fourteen-year old Puerto Rican female recognized as the oldest in the world by the Guinness Book of Records, died of pneumonia on May 29.

 

コメント

 

挿入句が長いので、どうしたらよいか考えてみました。次のような表現もあります。

A Puerto Rican woman, Ramona Igureshias, died of pneumonia on May 29 at the age of 114. She was listed as the oldest person in the Guinness Book of Records.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1NOMU, 9 June 04

 

A 114 year-old-Puerto Rican woman, Ramona Igrecias died of pneumonia on May 29. She was certified as the world oldest in the Guinness book.

 

添削

 

A 114 year-old -Puerto Rican woman, Ramona Igrecias died of pneumonia on May 29. She was certified as the world oldest person in the Guinness book.

 

コメント

 

日本文の内容を上手に整理して二つの英文にしてあります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A 114 year-old Puerto Rican woman, Ramona Igrecias died of pneumonia on May 29. She was certified as the world oldest person in the Guinness book.

 

 

練習問題 155

 

5月1日午前零時55分ごろ、熊本市改寄町の九州自動車道北熊本サービスエリア内で、駐車していた4トントラックの荷台にいたシマウマが、木枠をけ破って駐車場内に逃げ出した。

 

読者からの投稿 11(BURU, 17 February 16

 

In the service area on Kyushu Highway at Araki Kumamoto City on May 1 around 0:55 am, a zebra, which was kept on a 4 ton trucks’ bed, run away to parking area kicking a timber barricade.

 

添削

 

Around 0:55 am on May 1, In the service area on Kyushu High way at Araki Kumamoto City on May 1 around 0:55 am, a zebra, which was kept in the wooden cage on a 4 ton trucks’ bed, kicked and broke the cage and run away to the parking area kicking a timber barricade at the service area on the Kyushu Highway at Araki-cho, Kumamoto City.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかりますが、文章の構成は、先ず時間を言ってから、何が起こったかを記述して、最後に場所を書くと読みやすくなります。投稿のままですと、何が起こったかは最後までわかりません。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 0:55 am on May 1, a zebra, which was kept in the wooden cage on a 4 ton truck, kicked and broke the cage and run away to the parking area at the service area on the Kyushu Highway at Araki-cho, Kumamoto City.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 10 March 13

 

A zebra which was shipped in the carrier on a parking truck of 4 ton broke the wooden frame and ran away in the Kita Kumamoto service area of the Kyusyu Highway Kaiki Town Kumamoto Prefecture at about midnight 55 on May 1.

 

添削

 

A zebra which was being shipped in the cage carrier on a 4-ton a parking truck of 4 ton broke the wooden frame of the cage and ran away into the Kita Kumamoto service area of the Kyusyu Highway at1 Kaiki Town in Kumamoto Prefecture at about 0:44 am2 midnight 55 on May 1 while the truck parked at the service area.

 

コメント

 

文章の最初の一行でシマウマとトラックと駐車場の関係がはっきりしません。先ずはシマウマが木枠の中から駐車場に逃げ出したことを延べ、つぎにトラックはサービスアリアに駐車していたことを補足するとよいでしょう。または時間の順序を追って、シマウマを運んでいたトラックがサービスアリアで駐車した、そして次にシマウマが逃げ出したとしてもよいでしょう。

 

1.       この文章では日時と場所の記述が大切ですから、このように丁寧に記述するとよいでしょう。

 

2.       0:12 am, 1:25 pmという記述にすると時間が明確になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A zebra which was being shipped in the cage on a 4-ton truck broke the wooden frame of the cage and ran away into the Kita Kumamoto service area of the Kyusyu Highway at Kaiki Town in Kumamoto Prefecture at about 0:44 am on May 1 while the truck parked at the service area.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(かい、8 April 11

 

Around 0:55 am on May 1, zebras on the back of a parked four-ton truck kicked the wooden frame of a cage and escaped into a parking lot in the rest area of Kyushu automobile expressway in Araki town ,Kumamoto City.

 

添削

 

Around 0:55 am on May 1, a zebras1 on the back of a parked four-ton truck kicked the wooden frame of a cage and escaped into a parking lot in the rest area of the Kyushu Highway automobile expressway in Araki tTown , Kumamoto City.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「4トントラックの荷台」ということなので、多分シマウマは一頭だとおもいます。こういうときは単数と複数の区別のある英文のほうが正確ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 0:55 am on May 1, a zebra on the back of a parked four-ton truck kicked the wooden frame of a cage and escaped into a parking lot in the rest area of the Kyushu Highway in Araki Town, Kumamoto City.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 19 January 10

 

A zebra kicked down a wooden crate on the back of 4-ton truck and fled into a parking lot of Kitakumamoto service area on the Kyushu Expressway, in Arakimachi, Kumamoto City at around 0:55 am on May 1.

 

添削

 

A zebra kicked down a wooden crate on the back of 4-ton truck and fled into a parking lot of the Kitakumamoto service area on the Kyushu Expressway, in Arakimachi, Kumamoto City at around 0:55 am on May 1.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A zebra kicked down a wooden crate on the back of 4-ton truck and fled into a parking lot of the Kitakumamoto service area on the Kyushu Expressway, in Arakimachi, Kumamoto City at around 0:55 am on May 1.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 5 Aug 08

 

Around 0:55 am in May 1, a zebra on a carrier of a 4-ton-pickup, which had parked at the Kita-Kumamoto service area of the Kyushu Expressway in Kaiyo Town, Kumamoto City, kicked out of a wooden pen and escaped from the pickup to the parking lot.

 

添削

 

Around 0:55 am in on May 1, a zebra in on a the wooden pen1 carrier of on a 4-ton-pickup truck, which had parked at the Kita-Kumamoto sService aArea of the Kyushu Expressway in Kaiyo Town, Kumamoto City, kicked out of a the wooden pen and escaped from the pickup to the parking lot.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「木枠の中にいたシマウマ」としたほうがわかりやすくなるでしょう。投稿のままですと、このa wooden penは何処にあったのか? という疑問がでます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 0:55 am on May 1, a zebra in the wooden pen on a 4-tonpickup truck, which had parked at Kita-Kumamoto Service Area of Kyushu Expressway in Kaiyo Town, Kumamoto City, kicked out of the wooden pen and escaped from the pickup to the parking lot.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 3 Aug 08

 

At 0:55 a.m. on May 1, a zebra who was in a wood box on the back of a four-ton truck escaped into the parking lot at Kumamoto Service Area along Kyushu Expressway in Araki Town, Kumamoto City by breaking out the box on foot.

 

添削

 

At 0:55 a.m. on May 1, a zebra who was in a wooden box on the back of a four-ton truck escaped into the parking lot at Kumamoto Service Area along the Kyushu Expressway in Araki Town, Kumamoto City by kicking and breaking out the wooden box on foot.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。時間、場所がたくさん出てくる文ですが整理されていてわかりやすいです。

 

添削後の文章

 

At 0:55 a.m. on May 1, a zebra who was in a wooden box on the back of a four-ton truck escaped into the parking lot at Kumamoto Service Area along the Kyushu Expressway in Araki Town, Kumamoto City by kicking and breaking the wooden box .

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、30 July 07

 

Around 0:55 a.m. on May 1, a 4-ton truck carrying a zebra parked at the North Kumamoto service area of the Kyushu Expressway at Kaiyo town in Kumamoto city. The zebras on the truck bed broke a wooden frame and ran away to the parking area.

 

添削

 

Around 012:55 a.m1. on May 1, a 4-ton truck carrying a zebra in a wooden cage on the truck2 stopped and parked at the North Kumamoto service Service area Area of the Kyushu Expressway at Kaiyo tTown in Kumamoto cCity. The zebras on the truck bed kicked and broke a the wooden frame of the cage and ran away to the parking area.

 

コメント

 

1.       5月1日の午前零時に、at midnight on May first, 5月1日の午前零時55分に at 12:55 am on May first, 5月1日の午前1時半に at 1:30 am on May firstのように 午前零時から午前1時までは変わった表現方法なので注意してください。私のDVDレコーダーの時刻の表現もこれと同じです。手動で番組予約をするときに間違えて大切な番組を数回逃してしまいました。

 

2.       シマウマがどこに居たのか、ここではっきりしておくと次の文の内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 12:55 a.m. on May 1, a 4-ton truck carrying a zebra in a wooden cage on the truck stopped and parked at the North Kumamoto Service Area of the Kyushu Expressway at Kaiyo Town in Kumamoto City. The zebra kicked and broke the wooden frame of the cage and ran away to the parking area.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、28 July 07

 

A zebra which was in back of a 4 ton truck stopping the Kita Kumamoto service area with the Kyushu Expressway in the Arakimati of Kumamoto City released itself from the pallet to the parking area.

 

添削

 

At 12:55 on the morning of May first, A a zebra which was in back a wooden cage of on1 a 4 four- ton truck stopping at the Kita Kumamoto sService aArea with on the Kyushu Expressway in the Arakimati of Kumamoto City kicked the cage open and escaped released itself from the pallet to the parking area.

 

コメント

 

1.       事件の起こった場所の説明が長く続く文章です。前置詞を的確に使うと場所の相互関係がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

At 12:55 on the morning of May first, a zebra which was in a wooden cage on a four- ton truck stopping at the Kita Kumamoto Service Area on the Kyushu Expressway in Arakimati of Kumamoto City kicked the cage open and escaped to the parking area.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(KAPPA2004, 14 November 06

 

Around 0:55 midnight on May 1, a zebra setting on the carrier of 4-tons truck parked in Kita-kumamoto Service Area of Kyushu Drive Road in Kaiyori-cho, Kumamoto City , ran out to the parking lot, breaking wooden frames.

 

添削

 

Around 012:55 am1 midnighton May 1, a zebra setting in the pen2 on the carrier of a 4-tons truck parked in the Kita-kumamoto Service Area of Kyushu Highway3 Drive Road in Kaiyori-cho, Kumamoto City , ran out to the parking lot, breaking the wooden frames of the pen.

 

コメント

 

1.       午前零時の英語表現は間違いやすいです。「五月一日午前零時に」はat midnight on April 30となります。「午前零時」は前の日の24時になるわけです。

 

2.       荷台にシマウマを入れた檻が乗っていたのでしょう。

 

3.       九州自動車道の英語正式名はわかりませんが、高速道路は通常highwayというのでKyusyu Highwayにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 12:55 am on May 1, a zebra in the pen on the carrier of a 4-ton truck parked in the Kita-kumamoto Service Area of Kyushu Highway in Kaiyori-cho, Kumamoto City , ran out to the parking lot, breaking the wooden frames of the pen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、27 Jan 05

 

 

A zebra dashed into the parking space of the Kita Kumamoto Rest Area on the Kyushu Expressway in Araki-machi, Kumamoto City around 0:55 a.m. on May 1 from the loading space of a four-ton truck parked in the rest area after kicking open the wooden pen around it.

 

添削

 

A zebra dashed into the parking space of at the Kita Kumamoto Rest Area on the Kyushu Expressway in Araki-machi, Kumamoto City around 0:55 a.m. on May 1, jumping off1 from the loading space of a four-ton truck parked in the rest area after kicking open the wooden pen around it2.

 

コメント

 

1.       ここにもう一つシマウマの動作を加えたほうが良いでしょう。

 

2.       シマウマがどうして駐車場を走り回っているのか文章の最後まで読まないとわからないので、次のように順序を入れ替えてみました。

 

A zebra jumped off from a four-ton truck and dashed into the parking space at the Kita Kumamoto Rest Area on the Kyushu Expressway in Araki-machi, Kumamoto City around 0:55 am on May 1. The zebra kicked open the wooden pen on the truck while the truck was parking at the rest area.

 

添削後の文章

 

A zebra dashed into the parking space at the Kita Kumamoto Rest Area on the Kyushu Expressway in Araki-machi, Kumamoto City around 0:55 a.m. on May 1, jumping off from the loading space of a four-ton truck parked in the rest area after kicking open the wooden pen around it.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NOMU, 9 June 04

 

A zebra ran out of the stock car of a 4-ton truck while it was being parked at the Kitakumamoto rest area on the Kyushu motor road around 0:55 midnight on May 1. The zebra broke the wood fence and jumped onto the parking area.

 

添削

 

A zebra ran out of the a cage1 on stock car of a the 4-ton truck while it was being parked at the Kitakumamoto rRest aArea on the Kyushu motor road Highway around 0:55 am2 midnight on May 1. The zebra broke the a wood fence of the cage and jumped onto the parking area.

 

コメント

 

1.       多分荷台の檻に入っていたのでしょうから、a cage on the four-ton truck とするとわかりやすいです。

 

2.       At midnight は「午前零時に」ですね。At midnight on June 8は「68日の午前零時」、at 20 minutes past midnight on June 8は「68日午前零時20分に」になります。Midnightの使い方は紛らわしいので、around 0:55 amとすると分かりやすくなります。

 

 

添削後の文章

 

A zebra ran out of a cage on the 4-ton truck while it parked at the Kitakumamoto Rest Area on the Kyushu Highway around 0:55 am on May 1. The zebra broke a wood fence of the cage and jumped onto the parking area.

 

 

練習問題 156

 

米国人の58%は体重を減らしたいが、実際にダイエットしているのは27%にすぎない。こんな世論調査結果を5月30日、米誌タイムとABCテレビが公表した。それによると、減量を望む人は1951年の31%からほぼ倍増。米国にとって重大な健康上の問題として、79%が「肥満」を挙げた。がん(89%)、心臓病(同)、エイズ(80%)に次ぎ、喫煙(72%)を上回った。

 

読者からの投稿 13(BURU, 17 February 17

 

58% of U.S. people hoped to reduce their weight but just only 27% of them have dieted. Times and ABC published such the survey on May 30. According the survey, the number of person, who wants to reduce weight, has been increasing two times from 31% of the survey date of 1951. 79% of US People pointed that obesity was one of the serious sickness for health. This result was listed after cancer (89%), heart attack (89%) and AIDS (80%).But the rate of obesity exceeded smoking (79%).

 

添削

 

The total of1 58% of Americans U.S. people want hoped to reduce their weights but just only 27% of them have dieted. The Times and ABC TV published such results of their joint survey on May 30. According the survey, the number percentage of people person, who wants to reduce their weights, has been increasing two times almost doubled from 31% of the survey date of in 1951. The survey also revealed that 79% of Americans US People pointed out that obesity was one of the most serious sickness for health problems. Obesity2 This result was listed ranked after cancer (89%), heart attack (89%) and AIDS (80%).But but before3 the rate of obesity exceeded smoking (79%).

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、細かな所がはっきりしません。

 

1.       数字で文章が始まると見た目に落ち着きがないので、このようなおまけをつけるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       ここでは肥満のことを言っています。

 

3.       Afterと呼応してbeforeがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The total of 58% of Americans want to reduce their weights but just only 27% of them have dieted. The Times and ABC TV published such results of their joint survey on May 30. According the survey, the percentage of people who want to reduce their weights has  almost doubled from 31% in 1951. The survey also revealed that 79% of Americans  pointed out that obesity was one of the most serious health problems. Obesity was ranked after cancer (89%), heart attack (89%) and AIDS (80%) but before smoking (79%).

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(Valley winds, 10 March 13

 

58% of American people want to reduce their weight but only 27% of them actually are dieting, US magazine TIME and ABC television announced the report of these poll on May 30. According to this report, the number of people wanting to lose weight doubled than 31% on 1951. They said that the important problem for their health was fatness, which next to cancer (89%), heart disease (89%) and AIDS (80%) and exceeds smoking (72%).

 

添削

 

The total of1 58% of American people want to reduce their weights but only 27% of them actually are dieting, a US magazine theTIME and ABC tTelevision announced the results report of their joint these poll on May 30. According to the poll this report, the number of people wanting to lose weight almost doubled from than 31% in on 1951. They said that the overweight was one of the most important problems for their health2 was fatness, which next and ranked overweight after to cancer (89%), heart disease (89%) and AIDS (80%) and before exceeds smoking (72%).

 

コメント

 

doubled than 31% on 1951の所が分かり難いですが、文章全体の内容は把握できます。

 

1.       数字で始まる文章は読みにくいのでこのようなおまけを付けておくと良いでしょう。

 

2.       one of the most important problemsとするとよいでしょう。英語はこの表現をよく使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

The total of 58% of American people want to reduce their weights but only 27% of them actually are dieting, a US magazine the TIME and ABC Television announced the results  of their joint poll on May 30. According to the poll, the number of people wanting to lose weight almost doubled from 31% in 1951. They said that overweight was one of the most important problems for their health and ranked overweight after cancer (89%), heart disease (89%) and AIDS (80%) and before smoking (72%).

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(OKEN, 29 June 12

 

Although fifty eight percent of American people want to lose weight, only twenty seven percent of them are being on a diet. On May 30, Time and ABC TV announced this poll results. According to the results, the percent of those who want to lose weight has doubled in comparison with thirty one percent in 1951. Seventy nine percent of American people identified “obesity” as their country’s serious problems in health. The percent was next to Cancer (eighty nine percent), heart disease (eighty nine percent) and AIDIS (eighty percent) and exceeded Smoking (seventy two percent.

 

添削

 

Although 58% fifty eight percent of American people want to lose weight, only 271 twenty seven percent % of them are being on a diet. On May 30, Time Magazine and ABC TV announced these this poll results. According to the results, the percent of those who want to lose weight has almost doubled from 31% in comparison with thirty one percent in 1951. The total2 of 79 Seventy nine % percent of American people identified “obesity” as their country’s most serious health problems in health., followed by The percent was next to Cancer cancer (89 eighty nine % percent), heart diseases (89 eighty nine % percent) and AIDIS (80 eighty % percent), and exceeded Ssmoking (72 seventy % two percent).

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       パーセントがたくさん出てくるので12%という表記のほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       数字で文がはじまると読みにくいので(前の文章との区切りがはっきりしない)The total ofとおまけを付けるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Although 58% of American people want to lose weight, only 27 % of them are being on a diet. On May 30, Time Magazine and ABC TV announced these poll results. According to the results, the percent of those who want to lose weight has almost doubled from 31% in 1951. The total of 79% of American people identified “obesity” as their country’s most serious health problems, followed by cancer (89% ), heart diseases (89% ) and AIDIS (80% ), and exceeded smoking (72% ).

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(かい、12 April 11

 

U.S time magazine and ABC television released their survey on May 30 that 58% of American people wanted to lose their weight but in fact only 27% dieted . The survey shows that people hoping for losing their weight increase about twice times as much as in 1951 and there is a fatness as a serious health problem of United States. The problem is followed by cancer (89%), heart disease (89%), and AIDS (80%) and eclipses smoking (72%).

 

添削

The1 U.S tTime mMagazine and ABC tTelevision released their survey on May 30 that 58% of the American people wanted to lose their weight but in fact only 27% dieted . The survey showsed that people hoping for losing their weight almost doubled2 increase about twice times as much as in from 1951. They3 identified overweight and there is a fatness as the a most serious health problem in the of United States. Overweight The problem is was followed by cancer (89%), heart diseases (89%), and AIDS (80%) and eclipsesd smoking (72%).

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       雑誌名は固有名詞です。

 

2.       double, tripleという便利な自動詞があります。The number of books in the library has doubled in three years.

 

ここから新しい文にしてほうが後半の内容のつながりがよくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The U.S Time Magazine and ABC Television released their survey on May 30 that 58% of the American people wanted to lose their weight but in fact only 27% dieted. The survey showed that people hoping for losing their weight almost doubled from 1951. They identified overweight as the most serious health problem in the f United States. Overweight was followed by cancer (89%), heart diseases (89%), and AIDS (80%) and eclipsed smoking (72%).

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(mxtomi, 24 January 10

 

Fifty-eight percent of Americans are hoping to lose weight, yet only 27% of them are actually on diet. This is the results of a survey released by the TIME magazine and ABC television on May 30. The survey said that the percentage of Americans wishing to lose weight nearly doubled from 31% in 1951 and that 79% of Americans mentioned “obesity” as one of the most critical health hazards for Americans. The obesity came in fourth, following cancer (89%), cardiac disease (89%) and AIDS (80%) while overtaking smoking(72%).

 

添削

 

Fifty-eight percent of Americans are hoping to lose weight, yet only 27% of them are actually on diet. These are This is the results of a survey released by the TIME magazine and ABC television on May 30. The survey said found that the percentage of Americans wishing to lose weight nearly doubled from 31% in 1951 and that 79% of Americans mentioned “obesity” as one of the most critical health hazards for Americans. The oObesity came in fourth, following after1 cancer (89%), cardiac diseases (89%) and AIDS (80%) but before while overtaking smoking(72%).

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       afterbeforeを対比するとわかりやすくなるとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Fifty-eight percent of Americans are hoping to lose weight, yet only 27% of them are actually on diet. These are the results of a survey released by the TIME magazine and ABC television on May 30. The survey found that the percentage of Americans wishing to lose weight nearly doubled from 31% in 1951 and that 79% of Americans mentioned “obesity” as one of the most critical health hazards for Americans. Obesity came in fourth after cancer (89%), cardiac diseases (89%) and AIDS (80%) but before smoking(72%).

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(kk, 11 Aug 08

 

About 58% of Americans want to reduce their weight, but only 27% of them are really on a diet -- this is a result of a poll announced by a US magazine, the TIME, and the ABC broadcasting on May 30. According to the survey, Americans who want to reduce their weight has almost doubled from 31% in 1951. Following on cancer at 89%, heart disease at 89%, AIDS at 80%, 79% of them answered obesity was the most important health problem, which exceeded smoking at 72%.

 

コメント

 

About 58% of Americans want to reduce their weight, 1 but only 27% of them are really on a diet.2 -- tThis is a result of a poll announced by a US magazine, the TIME, and the ABC bBroadcasting on May 30. According to the survey, the number of Americans who want to reduce their weight has almost doubled from 31% in 1951 to 62% in 2001. Following on cancer at 89%, heart disease at 89%, AIDS at 80%, About 79% of them answered that obesity was the most important health problem in the United States3. Obesity was in the forth place after cancer (89%), heart disease (89%) and AIDS (80%) and ahead of smoking (72%)., which exceeded smoking at 72%.

 

添削

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       コンマがあると文の中で一息つくことになります。では何時に一息つくかは個人的な好みにも関係してきます。私はここはコンマ無しで文を続けて一気に二つのことを言います。

 

2.       そして、ここで一息ついて、「これは 〜です。」とします。こうするほうが、この文章が独立するので印象が強くなるとおもいます。

 

3.       パーセントだけが続いていてなんのパーセントなのかわからないので、添削のような順序がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

About 58% of Americans want to reduce their weight but only 27% of them are really on a diet. This is a result of a poll announced by a US magazine, the TIME, and the ABC Broadcasting on May 30. According to the survey, the number of Americans who want to reduce their weight has almost doubled from 31% in 1951 to 62% in 2001. About 79% of them answered that obesity was the most important health problem in the United States. Obesity was in the forth place after cancer (89%), heart disease (89%) and AIDS (80%) and ahead of smoking (72%).

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 6 Aug 08

 

On May 30, Time Magazine and ABC released a result of opinion polls. According to the result, 58 percent of Americans want to reduce their weight but only 27 percent actually diet. The ratio of the people who want to reduce their weight increased from 31 percent in 1951 which is half as many as that of the present situation. About 79 percent of the people point out "fatness" as important health issues for Americans. Fatness is next to cancer(89%), heart disease(89%), AIDS(80%) and exceeds smoking(72%).

 

添削

 

On May 30, The Time Magazine and ABC Television released a the results of a joint opinion polls. According to the results, 58 percent of Americans want to reduce their weight but only 27 percent actually are practicing a diet. The ratio percentage of the people who want to reduce their weight increased has doubled from 31 percent in 1951 to 62 percent now3 which is half as many as that of the present situation. About 79 percent of the people point out "overweight fatness" as the most important health issues for Americans. Overweight Fatness is in the forth place after next to cancer(89%), heart disease(89%), and AIDS(80%), and ahead of exceeds smoking(72%).

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますがThe ratio of the people who want to reduce their weight increased from 31 percent in 1951 which is half as many as that of the present situation.がわかりません。

 

1.       多分、共同調査でしょう。

 

2.       one-third, one-forth, three out of tenなどがa ratioです。

 

3.       doubleという動詞を使うと表現が簡単になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On May 30, The Time Magazine and ABC Television released the results of a joint opinion poll. According to the results, 58 percent of Americans want to reduce their weight but only 27 percent actually are practicing a diet. The percentage of people who want to reduce their weight has doubled from 31 percent in 1951 to 62 percent now. About 79 percent of people point out "overweight " as the most important health issue for Americans. Overweight is in the forth place after cancer (89%), heart disease (89%), and AIDS (80%), and ahead of  smoking (72%).

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、3 August 07

 

Fifty-five percent of American people want to lose weight, but indeed the rate of people who are on a diet is only 27 %. The US magazine, TIME and ABC Television jointly conducted a public opinion survey and released such a result on May 30. According to the public opinion survey, 31% of people wanted to lose weight in 1951, but today such people almost doubled, compared with 1951. As the important problem on health in the US, 79 % of Americans gave fatness. Fatness was the fourth after cancer (89 %), heart disease (80 %), and AIDS (80 %) and exceeded smoking (72%).

 

添削

 

Fifty-five percent of American people want to lose weight, but only twenty-seven percent1 indeed the rate of people who are on a diet is only 27 %2. The A US magazine, the TIME, and ABC Television jointly conducted a public opinion survey and released such a result on May 30. According to the public opinion survey, 31% of people wanted to lose weight in 1951, but today such people almost doubled, compared with 1951. As the most important health problem on health in the US, 79 % of Americans gave fatness overweight. Fatness Overweight was the fourth after cancer (89 %), heart disease (80 %), and AIDS (80 %) and exceeded smoking (72%)3.

 

コメント

 

1.       二つのパーセントが較べられるようにここに置くとよいでしょう。

 

2.       この文章のキーセンテンスを文章の始めに置いたので、内容がはっきりとわかるようになりました。

 

3.       ここのパーセントの並べ方はわかりやすいですね。Overweight was the forth after ~  という文の構成が適切です。

 

添削後の文章

 

Fifty-five percent of American people want to lose weight but only twenty-seven percent  are on a diet. A US magazine, the TIME, and ABC Television jointly conducted a public opinion survey and released such a result on May 30. According to the public opinion survey, 31% of people wanted to lose weight in 1951, but today such people almost doubled. As the most important health problem in the US, 79 % of Americans gave overweight. Overweight was the fourth after cancer (89 %), heart disease (80 %), and AIDS (80 %) and exceeded smoking (72%).

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、29 July 07

 

Fifty eight percent American want to reduce their weight but only twenty seven percent of them actually execute to diet. The TIME and the ABC television announced such a survey on May 30. The survey said the number of the person who want to diet increased by about two times compared with thirty one percent in 1995. The seventy nine percent of respondents reported obesity as one of fatal health problems for the American. The obesity was third in the order to the fatal health problem after cancer (89%), cardiac disease (89%) and AIDS(80). The percentage of obesity was over smoking (72%).

 

添削

 

Fifty- eight percent of Americans want to reduce their weight but only twenty seven percent of them are actually execute to dieting. The TIME and the ABC television announced such a result of a survey on May 30. The survey said revealed that the number of the person people who wanted to diet increased by about two times compared with almost doubled from thirty- one percent in 1995. In the survey, people identified the most serious health problem for Americans. The seventy nine percent of respondents reported obesity as one of fatal health problems for the American. The oObesity (79%)1 was the third forth in the order to of the fatal serious health problems after cancer (89%), cardiac disease (89%) and AIDS(80). and ranked higher than The percentage of obesity was over smoking (72%).

 

コメント

 

1.       「肥満と答えた人は79%」を文のどこに入れようかと考えますね。添削ではIn the survey, people identified the most serious health problem for Americans.を独立の文にして、obesity (79%)は他の答えと同じ形式にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Fifty-eight percent of Americans want to reduce their weight but only twenty seven percent of them are actually dieting. The TIME and the ABC television announced such a result of a survey on May 30. The survey revealed that the number of people who wanted to diet  almost doubled from thirty-one percent in 1995. In the survey, people identified the most serious health problem for Americans. Obesity (79%) was the forth in the order of the serious health problems after cancer (89%), cardiac disease (89%) and AIDS (80) and ranked higher than smoking (72%).

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(kalo, 3 February 07

 

On May 30, an American magazine, the Times1, magazine and ABC TV nNetwork2 released the results of a joint survey as follows:

 

1.      Only twenty-seven percent of Americans were actually dieting while fifty-eight percent wanted to lose weight;

2.      The number of those who wanted to lose weight almost doubled from thirty-one percent in 1951;

3.      Seventy-nine percent answered that obesity was the most serious health problem for the country; and3

4.      Obesity (79%) was followed by cancers (89%), heart disease (89%) and AIDS (80%) as the most serious health problem4. and oObesity outnumbered smoking (72%).

 

コメント

 

1.       米誌タイムス、とありますが、am American magazine, the Timesなのかthe Times (American edition) なのか、日本文でははっきりしません。

 

2.       固有名詞なので、ここも大文字にします。

 

3.       kaloさんは列記表現の強力なところをよく使っていますね。この文章のように調査の結果がいろいろあるときには、列記表現で整理すると内容がよくわかります。

 

列記表現の表記法は

 

~ as follows:

 

1.     A;

2.     B;

3.     C; and

4.     D.

 

がフォーマルな従来の方法です。このごろは、もっと簡単に、

 

~ as follows:

 

1.     A.

2.     B.

3.     C.

4.     D.

 

という表記法も見かけますが、わたしはkaloさんのようなクラシック スタイルを使っています。

 

添削後の文章

 

On May 30, an American magazine, the Times, and ABC TV Network released the results of a joint survey as follows:

 

1.      Only twenty-seven percent of Americans were actually dieting while fifty-eight percent wanted to lose weight;

2.      The number of those who wanted to lose weight almost doubled from thirty-one percent in 1951;

3.      Seventy-nine percent answered that obesity was the most serious health problem for the country; and

4.      Obesity (79%) was followed by cancers (89%), heart disease (89%) and AIDS (80%) as the most serious health problem4. Obesity outnumbered smoking (72%).

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(KAPPA2004, 14 November 06

 

58% of Americans reduced weight but only 27% of them are actuary on a diet. This result of public opinion survey was announced by American Times and ABC TV on May 30. The persons who want to reduce weight has doubled from 31% in 1951. As a serious health problem for Americans 79% of them pointed “ obesity”. It exceeded “smoking”(72%) , succeeding to “cancer”(89%), “heart attack”(ditto) and “aids”(80%)

 

添削

 

About1 58% of Americans want to reduced their weight but only 27% of them are actuary on a diet. This result of a public opinion survey was announced by American an American magazine, the Times, and ABC TV on May 30. The survey also showed that2 Tthe number of people persons who wanted3 to reduce their weight has doubled from 31% in 1951. As a serious health problem for Americans, 79% of them pointed “ obesity”. Others included4: It exceeded “smoking” (72%) , succeeding to “cancer” (89%), “heart attack”(89%ditto) and “aidsAIDS (80%).

 

コメント

 

1.       58% of Americans ~と数字で文を始めると、数字には大文字がないので、ここが文の始まりとわかりにくくなります。ここではAboutを前に入れました。正確に58%だったらどうするか、ということになると、Fifty-eight percent of Americans ~と表現できます。すると文章の中のほかの27%, 79%などと形がそろわなくなりますが、しょうがないでしょう。

 

2.       このような補足説明をいれると内容がはっきりするでしょう。

 

3.       The survey also showed thatの過去形に合わせて過去形にします。

 

4.       それぞれの項目にパーセントが書いてあるので、このようにすると簡略でわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

About 58% of Americans want to reduce their weight but only 27% of them are actuary on a diet. This result of a public opinion survey was announced by an American magazine, the Times, and ABC TV on May 30. The survey also showed that the number of people who wanted to reduce their weight doubled from 31% in 1951. As a serious health problem for Americans,79% of them pointed “ obesity”. Others included: “smoking” (72%), “cancer” (89%), “heart attack”(89%) and “AIDS” (80%).

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、27 January 05

 

While 58% of Americans want to lose weight, only 27% of them are in fact on a diet. This is the result of an opinion poll jointly announced by Time, U.S. news magazine, and abc television. According to the poll, the percentage of those who want to lose weight has almost doubled from 31% in 1951. 79% of Americans gave "obesity" above smoking (72%) as the serious health problem for their nation following cancer (89%), heart diseases(ditto) and AIDS (80%).

 

添削

 

While 58% of Americans want to lose weight, only 27% of them are in fact on a diet. This is the result of an opinion poll jointly announced by the Time, a U.S. news magazine, and abc ABC TV network television. According to the poll, the percentage of those who want to lose weight has almost doubled from 31% in 1951. The same poll shows what Americans think the most serious health problem for the nation: cancer (89%), heart diseases (89%), AIDS (80%), obesity (79%), and smoking (72%)1 79%. of Americans gave "obesity" above smoking (72%) as the serious health problem for their nation following cancer (89%), heart diseases(ditto) and AIDS (80%). Obesity ranks as the fourth most serious health problem.

 

コメント

 

1.       これ以降の文が長いのでの、The same poll shows what ~:として並列に病気を並べるとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

While 58% of Americans want to lose weight, only 27% of them are in fact on a diet. This is the result of an opinion poll jointly announced by the Time, a U.S. news magazine, and ABC TV network . According to the poll, the percentage of those who want to lose weight has almost doubled from 31% in 1951. The same poll shows what Americans think the most serious health problem for the nation: cancer (89%), heart diseases (89%), AIDS (80%), obesity (79%), and smoking (72%). Obesity ranks as the fourth most serious health problem.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NOMU, 15 June 04

 

According to the result of a survey reported by US time magazine and ABC TV on May 30, 58 percent of American want to reduce weight but only 27 percentage on a diet. The number of those who are hoping to lose weight is about twice as many as 31% in 1951. 79% pointed to obesity as one of the serious health problems for the U.S. This figure followed cancer(89%), heart problem(89%) and AIDS(80%); outnumbered smoking(72%).

 

添削

 

According to the result of a survey reported by the US time Times magazine and ABC TV network on May 30, 58 fifty-eight1 percent of Americans want to reduce their weight but only 27 twenty-seven percentage them are actually dieting2 on a diet. The number of those who are hoping to lose weight is about twice as many as 31 thirty-one% percent  in 1951. 79 Seventy-nine % percent pointed to obesity as one of the most serious health problems for the U.S Americans. This figure was followed ed by cancers (89%), heart problems (89%) and AIDS(80%); they all outnumbered smoking3 (72%).

 

コメント

 

1.       数字がたくさん文章の中に出てくるときは、一般的に numeralで表現したほうがわかりやすいのですが、ここでは数字が文の始めに出てくるので文の形が良くありません。Fifty-eight としてみました。友人のカナダ人数人に聞いてみましたが、文の中にfifty-eightと書いてあっても違和感は無く、反射的に数字の大きさがわかるそうです。

 

2.       能動的に動詞で表現してまえのwant to lose weight と対応するようにしました。

 

3.       内容から見て前の三つの並列構造と異なるので文にする必要があります。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to the result of a survey reported by the US Times magazine and ABC TV network on May 30, fifty-eight percent of Americans want to reduce their weight but only twenty-seven percent them are actually dieting2. The number of those who are hoping to lose weight is about twice as many as thirty-one percent in 1951. Seventy-nine percent pointed obesity as one of the most serious health problems for Americans. This figure was followed ed by cancers (89%), heart problems (89%) and AIDS (80%); they all outnumbered smoking (72%).

 

 

練習問題 157

 

球磨川、緑川など熊本県内の主要河川で6月1日アユ漁が解禁となった。球磨川水系では昨シーズン不漁だったため、球磨川漁協が今年三月から五月にかけて稚アユ約二百五十一万匹を放流した。シーズンは十月半ばまで続き、八月には三十センチ超の大型アユが期待できるという。

 

読者からの投稿 11(BURU, 9 March 16

 

At the major rivers in Kumamoto Prefecture such as the Kuma river and the Midorigawa river opened Ayu fishing on June 1. It was a bad season for the water system of the Kuma river last year, so that the association of fishing of the Kuma river decided to stock two millions five hundreds ten thousands young fishes to the Kuma river between March and May of this year. The fishing season has been continuing until the middle of October. Specially, we can expect to catch the biggest Ayu in August. It is said that some fishes will grow over thirty centimeters long.

 

添削

 

At the major rivers in Kumamoto Prefecture such as the Kuma Rriver and the Midorigawa Rriver, opened Ayu fishing1 opened on June 1. Last year, Ayu fishing had It was a bad season in for the water system of the Kuma rRiver last year, sSo, that the association of fishing of the Kuma rRiver decided to stock two millions  five hundreds and ten thousands2 young fishes3 in to the Kuma rRiver between March and May of this year. The fishing season has will been continueing until the middle of October. Specially, wWe can expect to catch the  biggest Ayu fish as big as 30 centimeters in August. It is said that some fishes will grow over thirty centimeters long.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てを推測できます。

 

1.       Ayu fishingを主語にします。

 

2.       大きな数字なので2.51 million fishとしたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

3.       Fishesという複数形もありますが、fishという単数・複数同形を使うのが一般的です。

 

添削後の文章

 

At the major rivers in Kumamoto Prefecture such as the Kuma River and the Midorigawa River, Ayu fishing opened on June 1. Last year, Ayu fishing had a bad season in the water system of the Kuma River. So, the association of fishing of the Kuma River decided to stock two million five hundred and ten thousand young fish in the Kuma River between March and May of this year. The fishing season will continue until the middle of October. We can expect to catch Ayu fish as big as 30 centimeters in August.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 11 March 13

 

The sweetfish season has opened on June 1, along main rivers in Kumamoto Prefecture such as Kumagawa river and Midorigawa river. Kumagawa fisherman’s association had been releasing about 2.51 million sweetfishes into the river from this March to May because last season it was poor catches in the river. The sweetfish season continue into midst of October. Someone could fish over 30cm big sweetfishes on August.

 

添削

 

The sweetfish season has opened on June 1, in the along main rivers in Kumamoto Prefecture such as the Kumagawa rRiver and Midorigawa rRiver. The Kumagawa fFishermaen’s aAssociation released had been releasing about 2.51 million young sweetfishes into the the Kumagawa rRiver from between this March and to May this year because the last season has it was poor catches in the river. The sweetfish season will continue into the midst of October. By August. a fisherman Someone can could cache a fish over 30 centimeters long cm big sweetfishes on August.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてが推測できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The sweetfish season has opened on June 1 in the main rivers in Kumamoto Prefecture such as the Kumagawa River and Midorigawa River. The Kumagawa Fishermen’s Association released about 2.51 million young sweetfish into the the Kumagawa River between March and May this year because the last season has poor catches in the river. The sweetfish season will continue into the midst of October. By August. a fisherman can  cache a fish over 30 centimeters long .

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(かい、13 April 11

 

On June 1, the fishing season of sweetfishes was opened in major rivers such as the Kuma River and Midori River in Kumamoto Prefecture. The Fisheries Cooperative Association of the Kuma River had stocked about 2,510,000 young fishes with the river from March to May this year, because of a poor catch in the drainage system last year. The fishing season opens until the middle of October and it is said that more than 30 centimeters big fish what is called a large size fish will be expected to be fished in August.

 

添削

 

On June 1, the fishing season of sweetfishes was opened in major rivers such as the Kuma River and Midori River in Kumamoto Prefecture. The Fisheries Cooperative Association of the Kuma River had stocked about 2,510,000 young fishes with in the rivers from March to May this year, because of a poor catch in the Kumagawa drainage system last year. The fishing season will be opens until the middle of October and it is said that more than 30 centimeters big long fish, what is called a large size fish, will be expected to be fished in August.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 1, the fishing season of sweetfishes was opened in major rivers such as the Kuma River and Midori River in Kumamoto Prefecture. The Fisheries Cooperative Association of the Kuma River had stocked about 2,510,000 young fishes in the rivers from March to May this year because of a poor catch in the Kumagawa drainage system last year. The fishing season will be open until the middle of October and it is said that more than 30 centimeters long fish, what is called a large size fish, will be expected to be fished in August.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 24 January 10

 

The season for ayu fishing opened in major rivers in Kumamoto Prefecture such as Kuma River and Midori River on June 1. The Fisheries Cooperative of Kuma River, in the wake of last year’s poor catch along the river system, released about 2.5 million of young ayu into the river during the months of March through May this year. The fishing season continues until mid October and in August anglers can expect to run into king size ayu measuring more than 30 centimeters in length.

 

添削

 

The season for ayu fishing opened in major rivers in Kumamoto Prefecture such as the Kuma River and the Midori River on June 1. The Fisheries Cooperative of the Kuma River, in the wake of last year’s poor catch along the river system, had released about 2.5 million of young ayu into the river during the months of March through May this year. The fishing season continues until mid October and in August anglers can hope expect1 to run into king size ayu measuring more than 30 centimeters in length.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。内容のわかりやすい構成です。

 

1.       小さいアユや大きなアユがいて、大きなアユはなかなか捕れないのなら、hope toですが、大きなアユが豊富にいるのならexpect toでしょう。

 

私は魚釣りはしませんが、釣り好きな友人に連れられて湖にマス釣りにでかけたことがあります。マスだけしか放流していない湖で、一年物から三年物のマスがいます。三年物は50センチ以上あります。釣ったマスを一日に保有できる限度 (a bag limit) は一人六匹です(釣っても、食べてしまえばthe bag limitに勘定されないそうです)。岸にずらっと釣り人が並んでつぎつぎとマスを釣り上げていますが、我ら四人組にはぜんぜんかかりません。餌を変え、仕掛けを変えても効果がありません。ここで友人が釣りの秘策を披露しました。隣でどんどん釣っている釣り人の話しかけました。「君がbag limitになったら、次につれたマスは僕らのマスにしていいよ。」釣り人二、三人に話しかけ、結局四人で六匹のマスを手に入れました。友人によれば、釣りの手段はいろいろある、ということでした。

 

添削後の文章

 

The season for ayu fishing opened in major rivers in Kumamoto Prefecture such as the Kuma River and the Midori River on June 1. The Fisheries Cooperative of the Kuma River, in the wake of last year’s poor catch along the river system, had released about 2.5 million of young ayu into the river during the months of March through May this year. The fishing season continues until mid October and in August anglers can hope 1to run into king size ayu measuring more than 30 centimeters in length.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 11 Aug 08

 

Ayu fishing at major rivers in Kumamoto Prefecture such as the Kuma River and the Midori River opened as of June 1. An Ayu fish catch did not go well in the Kuma River waters system last year and the Kuma River fishermen's cooperative association had released about 2,510,000 of young ayu fish into the river from March over May this year. The fishing season will last until the mid October. In August, big ayu fish as the same size as 30-centimeter-long will be expected.

 

添削

 

Ayu fishing opened1 at major rivers in Kumamoto Prefecture such as the Kuma River and the Midori River opened as of on June 1. An The Aayu fish catch did not go well in the Kuma River waters system last year and the Kuma River fishermen's cooperative association had released about 2,510,000 of young ayu fish into the river from March over May this year. The fishing season will last until the mid- October. So, by In August, big ayu fish as big the same size as 30-centimeters-long will be expected to be caught in the Kuma River system2.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       動詞は主語に近いところの置く、とくのがプレイン・イングリッシュの原則です。

 

2.       日本文は「大型アユが期待できる」となっていますが、英文で表現するときは添削のような補足説明を入れたほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Ayu fishing opened at major rivers in Kumamoto Prefecture such as the Kuma River and the Midori River on June 1. The ayu fish catch did not go well in the Kuma River system last year and the Kuma River fishermen's cooperative released about 2,510,000 of young ayu fish into the river from March over May this year. The fishing season will last until mid- October. So, by August, ayu fish as big as 30-centimeters will be expected to be caught in the Kuma River system.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 7 Aug 08

 

On June 1, major rivers in Kumamoto Prefecture such as Kuma River and Midori River opened for ayu fishers. Fisheries Cooperative Association of Kumagawa released about 2.51 million young ayu fish into the river from this March to May because of the poor catch of ayu last year in Kuma River water system. The open season continues until the middle of October and fishermen may catch big ayu in the length of over 30 centimeters in August.

 

添削

 

On June 1, major rivers in Kumamoto Prefecture such as the Kuma River and Midori River opened for ayu fishers fishing. From March to May, the Fisheriesing Cooperative Association of the Kumagawa River released about 2.51 million young ayu fish into the river from this March to May because of the poor catch of ayu fish last year in the Kuma River water system. The ayu fishing open season continues until the middle of October and fishermen may catch big ayu fish in the length of over 30 centimeters in length by in August.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 1, major rivers in Kumamoto Prefecture such as the Kuma River and Midori River opened for ayu fishing. From March to May, the Fishing Cooperative of the Kumagawa River released about 2.51 million young ayu fish into the river because of the poor catch of ayu fish last year in the Kuma River water system. The ayu fishing season continues until the middle of October and fishermen may catch big ayu fishw over 30 centimeters in length by  August.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、4 August 07

 

Ayu fishing was permitted in the main rivers in Kumamoto Prefecture such as the Takuma River and the Midori River on June first. As people had poor catch in the Takuma River in the previous season, they released about 2,510,000 young fish into the river between March and May. The fishing season will continue until the middle of October. It is expected that the large size of ayu over 30 centimeters in length will be caught in August.

 

添削

 

On June first, Aayu fishing season started1 was permitted in the main rivers in Kumamoto Prefecture such as the Takuma River and the Midori River on June first. As people had a poor catch of ayu in the Takuma River in the previous season, they the Kumagawa River Fishing Association released about 2,510,000 young fish into the river between March and May. The fishing season will continue until the middle of October. It is expected that the large sized of ayu of over 30 centimeters in length will be caught in August.

 

コメント

 

1.       アユ漁の解禁は単にayu fishing season starts/opensでよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June first, ayu fishing season started in the main rivers in Kumamoto Prefecture such as the Takuma River and the Midori River. As people had a poor catch of ayu in the Takuma River in the previous season, the Kumagawa River Fishing Association released about 2,510,000 young fish into the river between March and May. The fishing season will continue until the middle of October. It is expected that large–sized ayu of over 30 centimeters in length will be caught in August.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、3 August 07

 

At the major rivers running in Kumamoto Prefecture, for example the Kuma river, the Midori river and so on, the allowance of catching ayu there began on June 1st. Because of poor catch of ayu in the Kuma river last year, Fisheries Cooperative Association of Kumagawa released about two million fifty one hundred thousand young ayu into the Kuma river between this March and May. The period of the allowance continues in mid-October. It is said that a big ayu over 30 cm in length may be caught in August.

 

添削

 

At the major rivers running in Kumamoto Prefecture, for example, the Kuma rRiver, and the Midori rRiver and so on1, the allowance of catching ayu fishing season2 there began on June 1st. Because of a poor catch of ayu in the Kuma rRiver last year, the Fisheries Cooperative Association of Kumagawa released about two million and five hundred and ten fifty one hundred thousand3 young ayu into the Kuma rRiver between this March and May. The period fishing season of the allowance continues until in mid-October. It is said that a big ayu over 30 cm in length may can be caught in August.

 

コメント

 

1.       「球磨川、緑川など」とありますが、for exampleという表現が入っているのでand so onは必要ありません。

 

2.       「アユ漁が解禁となる」はayu fishing season opens (starts.) でよいでしょう。

 

3.       2,510,000は三桁ごとにandを入れ、それぞれの三桁内の数字を記述します。この例ではtwo million and five hundred and ten thousandとなります。英語は三桁、日本語は四桁で単位が変わるので面倒ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

At major rivers running in Kumamoto Prefecture, for example, the Kuma River and the Midori River, ayu fishing season began on June 1st. Because of a poor catch of ayu in the Kuma River last year, the Fisheries Cooperative of Kumagawa released about two million and five hundred and ten thousand young ayu into the Kuma River between this March and May. The fishing season continues until mid-October. It is said that a big ayu over 30 cm in length can be caught in August.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(KAPPA2004, 14 November 06

 

On June 1, ayu fishing opened at various rivers in Kumamoto Prefecture, including Kuma-kawa and Midori-kawa. As Kuma Water Area was poor catch last season, Kumakawa Fishing Association has released approximately 2,510,000 fry ayu into the rivers from March through May this year. The fishing season will last until the middle of October. Reportedly, over 30 centimeter-size big ayu could be caught in August. 

 

添削

 

On June 1, ayu fishing opened at various rivers in Kumamoto Prefecture, including the Kuma-kawa River1 and the Midori-kawa River. As the Kuma River system Water Area had a was poor catch of ayu last season, the Kumakawa Fishing Association has released approximately about2 2,510,000 fry ayu fries into the rivers from March through May this year. The fishing season will last until the middle of October. Reportedly, Large-sized ayu measuring over 30 centimeter-long size big ayu could are expected3 to be caught in August. 

 

コメント

 

1.       球磨川はthe Kuma River, the Midori Riverがよいでしょう。

 

2.       approximatelyは近似的に、と数字が実際の数字に非常に近い時に使います。この例では2二百五十万匹ということなのでabout (約)にします。

 

3.       今年の八月と未来のことなので添削のようにします。

 

添削後の文章

 

On June 1, ayu fishing opened at various rivers in Kumamoto Prefecture, including the Kuma River and the Midori River. As the Kuma River system had a poor catch of ayu last season, the Kumakawa Fishing Association released about 2,510,000 ayu fries into the rivers from March through May this year. The fishing season will last until the middle of October. Large-sized ayu measuring over 30 centimeter-long are expected to be caught in August. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、28 January 05

 

In Kumamoto Prefecture, catching sweetfish was officially allowed for this season on June 1 in major rivers such as the Kuma River and the Midori River. The last season was a poor catch year along the Kuma River system, so the Kuma River Fishing Association released about 2.51 millions of young sweetfish in the river from March to May this year. The fishing season will last until the middle of October and big, more-than-30-centimeter sweetfish are expected in August.

 

添削

 

In Kumamoto Prefecture, catching sweetfish was officially allowed opened1 for this season on June 1 in major rivers such as the Kuma River and the Midori River. The catch was poor in Tthe last season was a poor catch year along the Kuma River system, so the Kuma River Fishing Association released about 2.51 millions of young sweetfish into the river from March to May this year. The fishing season will last until the middle of October and big , more-than-30-centimeter-long sweetfish are expected to be caught2 in August.

 

コメント

 

1.       officially allowed とするよりofficially openedとしたほうが毎年釣りのシーズンがある、という感じになります。

 

2.       このように補足したほうがよいでしょう。

 

私は釣りはほとんどしませんが、釣りとは不思議なものですね。二年前に友達と家から車で2時間のところにある湖に鱒を釣りに行きました。この湖は毎年20万匹の稚魚を放流するので2年ものの30センチぐらいの鱒がつれます。友達と岸に並んで一日釣りをして、友達は一日の釣りの制限6匹を2時間で釣り終わり、わたしは一日釣りをしてゼロ匹でした。もっとも友達が私の分だとあと6匹釣ってくれました。

 

添削後の文章

 

In Kumamoto Prefecture, catching sweetfish officially opened for this season on June 1 in major rivers such as the Kuma River and the Midori River. The catch was poor in the last season along the Kuma River system, so the Kuma River Fishing Association released about 2.51 million young sweetfish into the river from March to May this year. The fishing season will last until the middle of October and more-than-30-centimete-long sweetfish are expected to be caught in August.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NOMU, 15 June 04

 

The Ayu season opened on June 1 in the main rivers in Kumamoto Prefecture including Kuma river and Midori river. As the catch of fish was poor last season along the Kuma river system, the fishery association of the river has released 2,510,000 young fish in the river from March to May this year. The fishing season will last until the middle of October. They say big Ayu more than 30 centimeters long are expected in August.

 

 

添削

 

The Ayu fishing season1 opened on June 1 in the main rivers in Kumamoto Prefecture including the Kuma rRiver and the Midori rRiiver. As the catch of fish was poor last season along the Kuma Rriver system2, the fishery association of the river has released 2,510,000 young fish in the river from March to May this year. The fishing season will last until the middle of October. They say big Ayu as large as more than 30 centimeters and more3 long are expected in August.

 

1.       NOMUさんはわかり易い英文でひょうげんしていますね。「鮎漁の季節」は単に Ayu fishing season と表現します。桜の季節、cherry-blossom season と同じです。

 

2.       「球磨川水系では昨シーズン不漁だったため」は素直でわかり易い英文表現ですね。なるほど、とおもいました。

 

3.       添削のようにするとわかりやすくなります。 論理的に厳密に考えると as large as 30 centimeters and moreはおかしいですが、一般的にこのような言い方があります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Ayu fishing season opened on June 1 in the main rivers in Kumamoto Prefecture including the Kuma River and the Midori River. As the catch of fish was poor last season along the Kuma River system, the fishery association of the river has released 2,510,000 young fish in the river from March to May this year. The fishing season will last until the middle of October. They say Ayu as large as 30 centimeters and more are expected in August.

 

 

練習問題 158

 

インターネットのブロードバンドを日本語にすると「幅が広い」という意味です。要するにブロードバンドは、幅の広い道ということで、多くのデータを通すことができるのです。ブロードバンドは高速で、かつ常時接続で使うことが多いので快適にインターネットを使うことができます。現在使われているブロードバンドの種類は、ADSL、ケーブルテレビ、FTTHがあります。

 

読者からの投稿 11(BURU, 2 April 16

 

A broadband which is the one of the words of Internet means “wide” in Japanese. In short, the broadband is like a large width road. The broadband can send many date. In addition, the broadband is high-speed and suits to connect internet continuously. So, the user can use internet comfortably. The used broadbands at the present are ADSL, Cable TV and FTTH.

 

添削

 

A broadband which is the one of the words of Internet means “a wide thing1” in Japanese. In short, the broadband is like a wide large width road. The broadband can send many date at the same time. In addition, the broadband has2 a is high-speed and suits to connect the iInternet continuously. So, the user can use the3 iInternet comfortably. The used broadbands is currently used4 at the present are for ADSL, Cable TV and FTTH.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       A broadbandは名詞ですがから、ここも名詞にします。

 

2.       The broadband is extremely fast.とするかまたは添削のようにします。

 

3.       インターネットが使われ始めたころはthe Internetという表現が普通でしたが、現在、インターネットが日常的に使われているので、the internetまたは単にinternetという表現も使われています。

 

4.       正確にはADSL, Cable TV, FTTHはそれぞれがブロードバンドの一つの種類ですが、ここでは添削のような表現がわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A broadband which is the one of the words of Internet means “a wide thing1” in Japanese. In short, the broadband is like a wide road. The broadband can send many date at the same time. In addition, the broadband has a high-speed and suits to connect the Internet continuously. So, the user can use the Internet comfortably. The broadband is currently used  for ADSL, Cable TV and FTTH.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(OKEN, 3 April 13

 

The meaning of the word, “broadband” used in the Internet, is “haba ga hiroi(be wide)” in Japanese. In short, broadband is like a wide road and able to transact a lot of data at once.  We can use the internet comfortably by using broadband because broadband has high process speed and enable constant connection. Broadband used today has three kinds. :  ADSL, cable television, and FTTH.

 

添削

 

The meaning of the word, bBroadband” used in the Internet, means1 isa haba ga hiroi(be wide street)in Japanese2. In short, broadband is like a wide road and able to carry transact a lot of data at once.  We can use the iInternet comfortably by using broadband because broadband enables has a high process speed and enable constant connection. Broadband used today has three kinds. :  ADSL, cable television, and FTTH.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       The meaning is ~とするより、This means ~と動詞にした方が印象が強くなります。

 

2.       日本語のことを説明すると煩雑になるので、添削のようでよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Broadband” used in the Internet means “a wide street”. In short, broadband is like a wide road and able to carry a lot of data at once. We can use the Internet comfortably by using broadband because broadband enables a high process speed and constant connection. Broadband used today has three kinds: ADSL, cable television, and FTTH.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Valley winds, 11 March 13

 

When broadband on the Internet is translated to Japanese, it means “wide”, broadband make much data transport as a wide way. Briefly, broadband usually has fast speed and anytime connection so we can use the Internet comfortably. We have these kinds of broadband, such as ADSL, cable TV and FTTH

 

添削

 

When broadband on the Internet is translated into Japanese, it means “wide., In short broadband can make much data move on transport as a wide highway on the Internet. Briefly, bBroadband is usually used has for a fast speed and continuing Internet anytime connection so that we can use the Internet comfortably. We have these kinds of broadband, such as ADSL, cable TV and FTTH

 

コメント

 

内容の概略がわかりますが、broadband make much data transport as a wide wayのところがわかりません。添削のようにここから新しい文にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

When “broadband” on the Internet is translated into Japanese, it means “wide.” In short broadband can make data move on a wide highway on the Internet. Broadband is usually used for a fast and continuing Internet connection so that we can use the Internet comfortably. We have broadband such as ADSL, cable TV and FTTH

 

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(かい、15 April 11

 

A broadband for the Internet means “The width is wide”, translated into Japanese. That is to say, a broadband ,which is a road of great width, can transmit many data. A broadband enables us to use the Internet comfortably, because it is commonly used at high-speed and always-on connection. The kinds of broadcasts used currently are ADSL, cable TV and FTTH .

 

添削

 

A broadband for the Internet means “The width is wide”, translated into Japanese. That This1 is to say, a broadband ,which is a road of great width, can transmit many a large volume of data. A broadband enables us to use the Internet comfortably and, because it is commonly used at for a high-speed and always-on connection. The kinds of broadcasts broadband currently used currently are include ADSL, cable TV and FTTH .

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       目下の話題なのでthisになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A broadband for the Internet means “The width is wide”, translated into Japanese. This1 is to say, a broadband ,which is a road of great width, can transmit a large volume of data. A broadband enables us to use the Internet comfortably and is commonly used for a high-speed and always-on connection. The kinds of broadband currently used include ADSL, cable TV and FTTH .

 

 

読者からの添削 7(mxtomi, 24 January 10

 

The term “broadband” for the internet literally means being large in width in Japanese. In fact, the broadband is capable of transmitting a large number of data through it. As it offers a high-speed access and is mostly used as an always-on connection, the broadband allows people to use internet comfortably. Types of the broadband currently available are ADSL, the cable TV and FTTH.

 

添削

 

The term “broadband” for the internet literally means being large in width in Japanese. In fact, the broadband is capable of simultaneously transmitting a large number amount of data through it the internet. As it offers a high-speed access to the internet and is mostly used as for an always-on connection, the broadband allows people to use the internet comfortably. The Ttypes of the broadband currently available are ADSL, the cable TV and FTTH.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

The term “broadband” for the internet literally means being large in width in Japanese. In fact, the broadband is capable of simultaneously transmitting a large amount of data through  the internet. As it offers high-speed access to the internet and is mostly used for an always-on connection, the broadband allows people to use the internet comfortably. The types of the broadband currently available are ADSL, the cable TV and FTTH.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 12 Aug 08

 

A word "broadband" used in the Internet related terminology can be translated into Japanese as a meaning that width is broad. In short, the "broadband" means a broad path and it can put through a large amount of data at once. The "broadband" has high speed and all-time connection so that you can use the Internet comfortably with it. There are ADSL, Cable TV, and FTTH now available as the types of the "broadband".

 

添削

 

A word "broadband" used in the Internet related terminology can be translated into Japanese as a phrase meaning that the width is broad. In short, the "broadband" means a broad path through which and it you can put through a large amount of data at once. The "broadband" usually has a high- speed and all-time-on connection so that you can use the Internet comfortably with it. There are ADSL, Cable TV, and FTTH now available as the types of the "broadband".

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A word "broadband" used in the Internet terminology can be translated into Japanese as a phrase meaning that the width is broad. In short, the "broadband" means a broad path through which you can put through a large amount of data at once. The "broadband" usually has a high- speed and all-time-on connection so that you can use the Internet comfortably with it. There are ADSL, Cable TV, and FTTH now available as the types of the "broadband".

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(dunkel, 8 Aug 08

 

The word "broadband" for Internet means "wide range" in Japanese. In short, broadband means wide range road and can be passed by large amount of data. We can use Internet comfortably through broadband because broadband network is usually fast and always-on connection. There are three major sorts of broadband system such as ADSL, cable TV and FTTH now.

 

添削

 

The word "broadband" for the Internet1 means "a wide range" in Japanese. In short, a broadband means a wide range road that and can be passed by a large amount of data at the same time. We can use the Internet comfortably through a broadband because a broadband network is usually fast and always-on connectioned. There are three major sorts of a broadband system such as ADSL, cable TV and FTTH now.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       the Internetと定冠詞をつけて使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

The word "broadband" for the Internet means "a wide range" in Japanese. In short, a broadband means a wide road that can be passed by a large amount of data at the same time. We can use the Internet comfortably through a broadband because a broadband network is usually fast and always connected. There are three major sorts of a broadband system such as ADSL, cable TV and FTTH now.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、5 August 07

 

Broadband in the Internet means "large width" in Japanese. The important thing is that broadband means a wide road or it is possible to pass a lot of data through this wide road. Because we can transmit data at high speeds on the broadband Internet and have full-time access to the Internet, we can use it comfortably. We can now use ADSL, cable television and FTTH as a broadband Internet.

 

添削

 

Broadband in the Internet means "large width" in Japanese. The important thing is that broadband means a wide road through which1 or it is possible to pass a lot of data through this wide road. Because we can transmit data at a high speeds on the broadband Internet and have full-time access to the Internet, we can use it the Internet comfortably. We can now use ADSL, cable television and FTTH as a broadband2 Internet.

 

コメント

 

1.       a wide roadとその利点を密接につなぐ説明にするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       broadband自体は通信技術なのでこのようにします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Broadband in the Internet means "large width" in Japanese. The important thing is that broadband means a wide road through which it is possible to pass a lot of data. Because we can transmit data at a high speed on the broadband Internet and have full-time access to the Internet, we can use the Internet comfortably. We can now use ADSL, cable television and FTTH as broadband.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、4 August 07

 

The keyword of "Broadband" in the Internet means "a wide range" in Japanese. Therefore you can regard "Broadband" as "a wide road", which can transport a great mount of data. High performance and constant connection of the broadband enable us to use the internet comfortably. A kind of broadband system available today includes ADSL, CATV and FTTH.

 

添削

 

The keyword term1, of "Broadband," in the Internet means "a wide range" in Japanese. Therefore you can regard "Broadband" as "a wide road", which can transport a great mount of data. High performance and constant connection through of the broadband enables2 us to use the internet comfortably. A kKinds of broadband system available today includes ADSL, CATV and FTTH.

 

コメント

 

1.       a keywordはあるものを記述するときに中心的な役割を果たす言葉、という意味ですから、ここでは単にa term用語、でよいでしょう。

 

2.       high performance and constant connection through broadbandを一つのものと見なして単数形で扱うとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The term, "Broadband," in the Internet means "a wide range" in Japanese. Therefore you can regard "Broadband" as "a wide road" which can transport a great mount of data. High performance and constant connection through broadband enables us to use the internet comfortably. Kinds of broadband available today include ADSL, CATV and FTTH.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(KAPPA2004, 15 November 06

 

“Broad Band “ in Internet means “wide” in Japanese. In short, “ Broad Band” means wide way which can pass a lot of data. As broad band is high speed and we often use it in continuous connection, we can use Internet comfortably. Kind of the broadband being used are ADSL, Cable TV and FTTH. 

 

添削

 

“Broad Bband “ in for the Internet1 means “wide” in Japanese. In short, “ Bbroad Bband” means a wide way which can pass a lot of digital data. As broad band is enables2 a high speed transmission of digital data and we often use it in continuously without breaking a connection, we can use the Internet comfortably. There are3 several Kkinds of the broadband transmissions currently being used such as are ADSL, Cable TV and FTTH. 

 

コメント

 

1.       インターネットは現在では単にInternetと表現することも多いですが、わたしは古風に(といってもごく最近まではこれが一般的でした)the Internetと書いています。

 

2.       内容を補足して一般の読者にもわかるようにするとよいでしょう。

 

3.       ここは素直にThere are ~.という表現でよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Broadband “ for the Internet means “wide” in Japanese. In short, “ broadband” means a wide way which can pass a lot of digital data. As broadband enables a high speed transmission of digital data and we often use it continuously without breaking a connection, we can use the Internet comfortably. There are several kinds of broadband transmissions currently being used such as ADSL, Cable TV and FTTH. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、28 January 05

 

Broadband of the Internet means "long width" in Japanese. In short, broadband is a wide road which much date can pass through. Broadband, which is often used for high-speed and full-time connection, enables us to use the Internet comfortably. The types of broadband currently in use are ADSL, CATV and FTTH.

 

添削

 

Broadband1 of for the Internet means "long broad width" in Japanese. In short, broadband is a wide an electronic highway road through2 which much a large amount of electronic date can pass through. Broadband, which is often used for high-speed and full-time continuous connection, enables us to use the Internet comfortably. The types of broadband currently in use are ADSL, CATV and FTTH.

 

コメント

 

1.       特別な意味を持つことを示すために最初にこの単語が出てくるときに引用句を使うとよいでしょう。

 

2.       この場合はthrough whichとしたほうがhighway though whichと続き、文の収まりがよいです。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Broadband” for the Internet means "broad width" in Japanese. In short, broadband is an electronic highway through which a large amount of electronic date can pass. Broadband, which is often used for high-speed and continuous connection, enables us to use the Internet comfortably. The types of broadband currently in use are ADSL, CATV and FTTH.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NOMU, 15 June 04

 

Broadband as in broadband Internet means 'the width is large' in Japanese. In other words, broadband means a wide street where a large volume of data can pass through. Broadband is fast and almost always connected so that users can use it in good condition. ADSL, Cable TV and FIFTH are the kinds which are currently being used.

 

添削

 

Broadband” term as in broadband Internet means 'the width is large' wide1 in Japanese. In other words As the word indicates, broadband means a wide street where a large volume of data can pass through. Broadband is fast and almost always connected so that users can use it in good condition. often used for high-speed, always-on connections2 to the Internet. ADSL, Cable TV and FIFTH are the major kinds of broadband which that are currently being used.

 

コメント

 

1.       ここは簡単にwideと言ったほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       常時接続はalways-on connectionという和製英語のような英語があります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Broadband” term as in broadband Internet means wide in Japanese. As the word indicates, broadband means a wide street where a large volume of data can pass through. Broadband is often used for high-speed, always-on connections to the Internet. ADSL, Cable TV and FIFTH are major kinds of broadband that are currently being used.

 

 

練習問題 159

 

コンピュータ・ウイルスの多くは、1台のパソコンに感染するとネットワークや記録メディアを通じて他のパソコンにも感染するように作られています。「自分のパソコンにはたいした情報はないし、別に感染しても困らない」と思っていると、他の人のパソコンに感染させてしまうことにもなりかねません。

 

読者からの投稿 11(Buru, 30 June 16

 

Once one computer was infected by viruses, most of computer viruses are made to easily infect to other computers through a computer network or a recorded file. If a person has believed like that “I don’t mind a virus infection because I don’t file any important date in my computer”, unintentionally his computer may make others infect.

 

添削

 

Once one computer was infected by viruses, mMost of computer viruses are made to easily infect to other computers through a computer network or a recordeding media file once they infect one computer1. If anyone person has believeds like that “I don’t mind a virus infection because I don’t have file any important date in on my computer”, he2 may unintentionally infect other computers through his computer may make others infect.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てが推測できます。

 

1.       この順序にすると因果関係がはっきりします。

 

2.       Anyoneが主語ですから、ここも同じ主語にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Most of computer viruses are made to easily infect other computers through a computer network or a recording media once they infect one computer. If anyone believes that “I don’t mind a virus infection because I don’t have any important date on my computer”, he may unintentionally infect other computers through his computer .

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 11 March 13

 

Many of computer viruses are designed that if it infects one PC it infects other PCs throughout network and memory media. If you think that have no important information in your PC and it would be no problem when any virus infects your PC, you may make virus infect other’ s PCs.

 

添削

 

Many of computer viruses are designed in such way that if they it infects one PC, then it they can infects other PCs throughout network and memory media. Even If you think that you have no important information in your PC and you it would have be no problem when any virus infects your PC, you may still make the virus infect other’ s PCs.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後文章

 

Many of computer viruses are designed in such way that if they infect one PC, then they can infect other PCs throughout network and memory media. Even If you think that you have no important information in your PC and you would have no problem when any virus infects your PC, you may still make the virus infect other’ s PCs.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(かい、15 April 11

 

Most of computer virus are designed to infect to other personal computers through computer networks or digital recording medias, once a personal computer gets infected with the virus. Therefore, yours will infect to others if you think “My personal computer hasn't very important datas , so I am not concern about the infection”.

 

添削

 

Most of computer virus viruses are designed to infect to other personal computers through computer networks or digital recording medias, once a personal computer gets infected with the a virus. Therefore, your computer can yours will infect to others and cause a major damage1 even if you think, “My personal computer hasn't very important datas , so I am not concerned about the a virus infection”.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       この補足説明を入れると、文の後半とのつながりがよくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Most of computer viruses are designed to infect other personal computers through computer networks or digital recording media, once a personal computer gets infected with a virus. Therefore, your computer can infect others and cause a major damage even if you think, “My personal computer hasn't very important data, so I am not concerned about a virus infection”.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 24 January 10

 

Most computer viruses are designed to spread to other computers through the network or recording media once they successfully infected a single computer. If you do not care a bit about your computer getting infected simply because it does not contain valuable information, you are wrong and irresponsible. Your computer may possibly spread the infection to many computers owned by other people.

 

添削

 

Most computer viruses are designed to spread to other computers through the network or recording media once they successfully infected a single computer. If you do not care a bit about your own computer getting infected by a virus simply because your computer it does not contain any valuable information, you are acting wrong1 and irresponsible irresponsibly. Because Yyour computer may possibly spread the virus infection to many computers owned by other people.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       wrongの対象がありません。If you think it all right not to bother a virus infection of your computer, then you are wrong.とすればwrongの対象があります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Most computer viruses are designed to spread to other computers through the network or recording media once they successfully infect a single computer. If you do not care a bit about your own computer getting infected by a virus simply because your computer does not contain any valuable information, you are acting irresponsibly. Because your computer may possibly spread the virus to many computers owned by other people.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 6 March 09

 

Most of computer viruses are designed to spread other computers through networks and recordable medias if a computer is infected. You may transmit the virus from your computer to other computers even though you consider that your computer has no important data and will not get in trouble in case the virus get infected.

 

添削

 

Most of computer viruses are designed to spread from one computer to other computers through networks and recordable medias1 if a computer is infected. You may transmit the a virus from your computer to other computers even though you consider that a virus does not cause any serious damage to you2 because your computer has no important data and will not get in trouble in case the virus get infected.

 

コメント

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       Media a mediumの複数形です。

 

2.       ここが大切なので主節にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Most of computer viruses are designed to spread from one computer to other computers through networks and recordable media. You may transmit a virus from your computer to other computers even though you consider that a virus does not cause any serious damage to you because your computer has no important data .

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 13 Aug 08

 

Most of computer viruses are programmed to contaminate other computers through the network and recording media, once the virus contaminates one computer. If you consider that you don't mind being contaminated with virus now that you don't store any important information, you might end up contaminating others' computers.

 

添削

 

Most of computer viruses are programmed to contaminate other computers through the network and recording media, once the virus contaminates one computer. So, even Iif you say consider that you don't care too much about mind being contaminated by a with virus now that because you don't store any important information on your computer, you might still end up contaminating others' computers.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。文章を口語体で読みやすくしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Most of computer viruses are programmed to contaminate other computers through the network and recording media once the virus contaminates one computer. So, even if you say that you don't care too much about being contaminated by a virus because you don't store any important information on your computer, you might still end up contaminating others' computers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、5 August 07

 

When many of computer viruses invade one computer, they are programmed so that they can invade other computers through network and record media. As you do not have any important data in your computer, you will think that you do not have troubles even if viruses invade your computer. But this will cause computer viruses to invade many other computers.

 

添削

 

When many of computer viruses invade one computer, they Many computer viruses1 are programmed so in such a way that once they infect one computer they can invade other computers through a network and record media. As you do not have any important data in your computer, you will may think that you do not have troubles worry even if viruses invade your computer. But However2, this will can cause computer viruses to invade many other computers.

 

コメント

 

1.       多くのコンピュータ・ウィルスは〜するように作られている、という意味には添削のような順番で記述するとよいでしょう。投稿のままでは、「たくさんのコンピュータ・ウィルスが一つのコンピュータを汚染すると、〜する。」という意味になります。

 

2.       You don’t worry about it. But others do worry about it.のように本来はYou don’t worry about it but others do.のように一つの文を強調のために二つに分けるときにはbutをつかいます。しかし、例題のように前の文と逆の命題を新しい文で記述するときにはhoweverを使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

Many computer viruses are programmed in such a way that once they infect one computer they can invade other computers through a network and record media. As you do not have any important data in your computer, you may think that you do not worry even if viruses invade your computer. However, this can cause computer viruses to invade many other computers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、4 August 07

 

Many a computer virus has been created as to infect many computers with the virus via the Internet and several kinds of recording medias once  infected. Even if you think you maybe have little trouble when your computer infected because of little amount of data in your computer, it is possible that other computers will be infected with a computer virus via your infected computer.

 

添削

 

Many a computer viruses are has been created as to infect many other computers with the virus via a network once they infect one computer1 the Internet and several kinds of recording medias once  infected. Even if you think that you maybe have little trouble when your computer is infected with a virus because nothing important2 is stored of little amount of data in your computer, it is possible that other computers will be infected with the a computer virus via your infected computer.

 

コメント

 

1.       一台のコンピュータがウィルスに感染すると、他のコンピュータも感染する、ということが要点です。

 

2.       消失するデータの量より質の問題でしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Many computer viruses are created to infect other computers via a network once they infect one computer. Even if you think that you have little trouble when your computer is infected with a virus because nothing important is stored in your computer, it is possible that other computers will be infected with the virus via your infected computer.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(KAPPA2004, 15 November 06

 

Many computer virus are designed to infect other PC through a network and record media once a PC is infected. If you think that I have no information in my PC and I don’t mind my PC being infected, you may infect other PC.

 

添削

 

Many computer viruses are designed to infect other PCs through a network and record media once they1 succeed in penetrating into onea PC is infected. Even when If you may think that you2 I have no important information on in your my PC and I you don’t mind your my PC being infected, you may still infect other PCs.

 

コメント

 

1.       文の前半の主語がvirusesですから、後半も同じ主語にすると内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       Even when you may ~youを主語にしているので間接引用の内容もyouで統一します。

 

添削後の文章

 

Many computer viruses are designed to infect other PCs through a network and record media once they succeed in penetrating into one PC. Even when you may think that you  have no important information on your PC and you don’t mind your PC being infected, you may still infect other PCs.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、30 January 05

 

Many computer viruses are programmed so that they infect other personal computers through networks or recording media once they infect a particular one. If you think, "I will not be in trouble even if my computer is infected since I have no special or important information in my computer," you might end up spreading your infection to other people's personal computers.

 

添削

 

Many computer viruses are programmed so that they infect other personal computers through networks or recording media once they infect a particular one computer1. If you think, "I will not be in trouble be all right2 even if my computer is infected since I have no special or important information in my computer," you might still end up spreading your infection to other people's personal computers.

 

コメント

 

1.       a particular computerはある特別なコンピュータ、という意味に取れるので、 単にone computerがよいでしょう。

 

2.       肯定文のほうが意味が明確になります。

 

 添削後の文章

 

Many computer viruses are programmed so that they infect other personal computers through networks or recording media once they infect one computer. If you think, "I will be all right even if my computer is infected since I have no special or important information in my computer," you might still end up spreading your infection to other people's personal computers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NOMU, 16 June 04

 

Many of computer viruses are designed to be transmitted from an infected personal computer( PC) to other PCs through networks and recording media. You might think that you don't have to worry because your PC has little important information. However, you could end up getting others' computer infected unless you are careful.

 

添削

 

ManyMost of computer viruses are designed to be transmitted from an infected personal computer (PC) to other PCs through networks and recording media. You might think that you don't do not1 have to worry about a virus1 because your PC has little important information. However, you could end up getting others' the computers of other people1 infected unless you are careful.

 

コメント

 

日本文の内容を整理して分かりやすい英文で表現してあります。

 

1.       日本文は口語調の文章なので英文も口語調にして、don’t というような省略形を使っても良いでしょうが、この添削講座では英文の基本を念頭に置いて省略表現を使わないように添削しています。

 

添削後の文章

 

 

Most computer viruses are designed to be transmitted from an infected personal computer (PC) to other PCs through networks and recording media. You might think that you do not have to worry about a virus because your PC has little important information. However, you could end up getting the computers of other people infected unless you are careful.

 

 

練習問題 160

 

大分県日出町のハーモニーランドは梅雨期の企画として、入園前日の降水確率予報と同率で入園料を割り引くサービス「雨でハッピー!キャンペーン」を6月1日から30日まで実施する。降水確率100%の場合は無料。90―10%は同率を割り引く。0%の場合は割り引きなし。

 

読者からの投稿 11(BURU, 9 April 16

 

Harmony land at Hinode-cyo, Oita, will start a new promotion during rainy season. The promotion, “Happy rainy day! Campaign”, will discount the entrance fee from June 1 to June 30. The discount rate shall be followed a same rate as a precipitation percentage which was on the one day before visiting the park. If the precipitation rate is 100%, the entrance fee becomes free. The discount rate completely related to the precipitation percentage between 90% and 10%. If the precipitation percentage is 0%, the entrance fee shall be no discount.

 

添削

 

Harmony land at Hinode-cyo, Oita, will start a new promotion during the rainy season. The promotion, “Happy rainy days! Campaign”, will discount the entrance fee from June 1 to June 30. The discount rate will shall be followed a the same rate as the a rate of  precipitation forecast percentage made which was on the one day before visiting the park1. If the precipitation rate is 100%, the entrance fee becomes free. The discount rate will be completely related to the precipitation forecasts percentage between 90% and 10%. If the precipitation forecast percentage is 0%, the entrance fee will shall not be no discounted at all.

 

コメント

 

内容の概要が推測できます。precipitation forecastsforecasts が欠けているので分かり難いところがあります。降水確率予報が100パーセントでも翌日が晴れなら無料で入園して晴天の下でハーモニーランドを楽しめますね。この頃は天気予報は良く当りますから、こういう機会はあまりないでしょうが。

 

1.       On day before visiting the parkを副詞節として使います。On the previous day before visiting the parkという表現もあります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Harmony land at Hinode-cyo, Oita, will start a new promotion during the rainy season. The promotion, “Happy rainy days! ”, will discount the entrance fee from June 1 to June 30. The discount rate will be the same rate as the rate of precipitation forecast made one day before visiting the park. If the precipitation rate is 100%, the entrance fee becomes free. The discount rate will be completely related to the precipitation forecasts between 90% and 10%. If the precipitation forecast is 0%, the entrance fee will not be discounted at all.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 17 March 13

 

Harmony Land, which is a amenity park in Hinode Cho Ohita Prefecture, plans to start the “Rain but Happy!” campaign from June 1 to 30 as an event on the rainy season. This campaign is that they discount the same rate as the precipitation percentage on the day on the entry fee. If the precipitation percentage on the day before was 100%, it is admission free. If from 90% to 10%, they discount these rate. If 0%, it is no discount.

 

添削

 

Harmony Land, which is an amusement amenity park in Hinode Town, Cho Ohita Prefecture, plans to have start the “Rainy but Happy!” campaign from June 1 to 30 as an event in on the rainy season. During Tthis campaign, is that they will discount the admission fee at the same rate as the precipitation percentage forecast on the previous day on the entry fee. If the precipitation percentage forecast is on the day before was 100%, it is the admission fee will be free. If it is between from 90% and to 10%, the admission fee will be discounted by the same percentage. they discount these rate2. If it is 0%, there will be it is no discount.

 

コメント

 

大体の内容は推測できますが、細部が曖昧です。

 

1.       start on July the firstのようにstartは何かが始まることですから、start from June 1 to 30というような用法はありません。

 

2.       if the precipitation is 10%, the admission fee will be discounted by 10%.というような構文をそれぞれの降水確率について繰り返すとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Harmony Land, which is an amusement park in Hinode Town, Ohita Prefecture, plans to have the “Rainy but Happy!” campaign from June 1 to 30 as an event in the rainy season. During this campaign, they will discount the admission fee at the same rate as the precipitation percentage forecast on the previous day. If the precipitation percentage forecast is 100%, the admission fee will be free. If it is between 90% and 10%, the admission fee will be discounted by the same percentage. If it is 0%, there will be no discount.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(かい、16 April 11

 

Harmonyland ,an amusement park in Hiji town, Oita Prefecture, will conduct a campaign named as “ A happy in rainy days campaign” as a plan for the rainy season from June 1 to 30. The content of this campaign is the service that an entrance fee is discounted with a same rate of day-old rainfall probability forecast. The breakout of the discount fee is below.

 

Rainfall probability 

100%                 -free of charge

90%-10%              -discount price at the same rate in proportion as a rainfall probability

0%                       -full price

 

添削

 

Harmonyland, an amusement park in Hiji townTown, Oita Prefecture, will conduct a campaign named as A hHappy in rRainy dDays campaign” as a plan for the rainy season from June 1 to 30. The contents1 of this campaign are is the service that an the2 entrance fee is discounted with at the a same rate as of day-old a rainfall probability forecast made in the previous day. The rainfall probability and a discount rate are breakout of the discount fee is shown below.:

 

Rainfall probability 

100%                  -free of charge

90%-10%           -discount price at the same rate in as the proportion as a rainfall probability

0%                       -full price

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       複数形で使うことが多いです。

 

2.       文章で初出ですが、ハーモニーランドの入園料とわかるので定冠詞にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Harmonyland, an amusement park in Hiji Town, Oita Prefecture, will conduct a campaign named “ Happy Rainy Days ” as a plan for the rainy season from June 1 to 30. The contents of this campaign are that the entrance fee is discounted at the same rate as a rainfall probability forecast made in the previous day. The rainfall probability and a discount rate are  shown below:

 

Rainfall probability 

100%                  -free of charge

90%-10%           -discount price at the same rate as the  probability

0%                       -full price

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 24 January 10

 

Harmony Land, an amusement park in Hiji-machi, Oita Prefecture, is going to launch a somewhat unique campaign called “Happy rainy days” throughout the month of June to attract more customers during the month of slow business. The scheme is to give visitors discounts off admission fees according to the rainfall probability forecast one day before the day of admission. If the forecast is a 100% chance of rain, you will enjoy free admission. If it is somewhere between 10% and 90%, the same percentage of discount as the probability will apply. By the same token, no discount will be given if the probability is null.

 

添削

 

Harmony Land, an amusement park in Hiji-machi, Oita Prefecture, is going to launch a somewhat unique campaign called “Happy rainy days” throughout the rainy1 month of June to attract more customers during the month of slow business. The scheme is to give visitors discounts off for admission fees according to the rainfall probability forecast of rain one day before the day of admission. If the forecast is a 100% chance of rain, you will enjoy free admission. If it is somewhere between 10% and 90%, this the same percentage will be of the  discount rate of the day as the probability will apply. By the same token, no discount will be given if the probability is null, that is, no rain.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       六月は雨の多い月だということを入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Harmony Land, an amusement park in Hiji-machi, Oita Prefecture, is going to launch a somewhat unique campaign called “Happy rainy days” throughout the rainy month of June to attract more customers during the month of slow business. The scheme is to give visitors discounts for admission fees according to the probability forecast of rain one day before the day of admission. If the forecast is a 100% chance of rain, you will enjoy free admission. If it is somewhere between 10% and 90%, this percentage will be the discount rate of the day . By the same token, no discount will be given if the probability is null, that is, no rain.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 6 March 09

 

The Sanrio theme park, Harmony Land, is located in Hiji town ,Oita Prefecture. The park announces that they carry out "Happy Rain Campaign!" from June 1 to June 30. When customers enter the park during the period, they only pay discounted entrance fee whose rate is the same as the chance of the rain precipitation which forecasted the day before. It means that if they face 100 percent rain forecasting, they can enter for free and if it shows 0 percent, they must pay regular entrance fee.

 

添削

 

The Sanrio theme park1, Harmony Land, is located in Hiji tTown ,Oita Prefecture. The park is going to announces that they carry out the "Happy Rain Campaign!" from June 1 to June 30. When customers enter the park during the period, they only pay a discounted entrance fee whose rate is the same as the chance of the rain precipitation which is forecasted the day before. It This means that if they the chance of rain is face 100 percent rain forecasting, they visitors can enter for the park free and if it the change shows is 0 percent, they visitors must pay the regular entrance fee.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       サンリオのテーマパークですか。もしサンリオのテーマパークがひとつしかないならthe Sanrio theme parkですが、全国にいくつかあるならA Sanrio theme park, Harmony Land, ~「サンリオテーマパークのひとつであるハーモニーランドは〜」となります。大分県日出町が「ひじまち」とは知りませんでした。