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初級問題 141

 

日本郵政公社は、全国の郵便局のロビーに日本コカ・コーラなど飲料メーカー九社の清涼飲料水が買える自動販売機を設置する。3月3日に東京都内の郵便局に第一号を設置し、一年後には一万局近くに広がる見通しだ。

 

読者からの投稿 12(BURU, 6 January 16

 

Japan Post will set up a vending machine at the lobby of each post office. It will vend Coca Cola and other 9 maker’s beverages. Japan Post has already decided to install the first vending machine at the one of the post office in Tokyo on March 3. They predicted to finish the installation more or less 10,000 offices within one year.

 

添削

 

Japan Post will set up a vending machine at the lobby of each post office. It will vend Coca Cola and other 9 makers beverages. Japan Post has already decided to install the first vending machine at the one of the post offices in Tokyo on March 3. They predicted to finish the installation at close to more or less 10,000 post offices within one year.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japan Post will set up a vending machine at the lobby of each post office. It will vend Coca Cola and other 9 makers’ beverages. Japan Post has already decided to install the first vending machine at the one of the post offices in Tokyo on March 3. They predict to finish the installation at close to 10,000 post offices within one year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(Valley winds, 4 February 13

 

Japan Postal Service Public Corporation will place vending machines on the lobbies in the post office nationally by which we can buy cooling beverages that nine drink makers such as Coca-Cola Japan sell. They will place the first vending machine in the post office in Tokyo on March 3 and for one year later in almost thousand offices.

 

添削

 

Japan Postal Service Public Corporation will place a vending machines on in the lobbiesy of all in the post offices nationwide nationally by from which we can buy cooling beverages from that nine drink makers such as Coca-Cola Japan sell. They will place the first vending machine in a the post office in Tokyo on March 3 and in for one year plan to install the vending machine in later in almost ten thousand2 post offices.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       a vending machine in the lobby of all post officesというように表現します。

 

2.       数は正確に表現しましょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japan Postal Service Corporation will place a vending machine in the lobby of all post offices nationwide from which we can buy cool beverages from nine drink makers such as Coca-Cola Japan. They will place the first vending machine in a post office in Tokyo on March 3 and in one year plan to install the vending machine in ten thousand post offices.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(かい、11 March 11

 

Japan Post will place automatic dispensers in a lobby of nationwide post offices that we can buy soft drinks made by nine beverage makers such as Coca-Cola Japan. On March 3, Japan Post will place the dispenser as the first in Tokyo and expects the number of dispenser to be near the 10,000 a year later.

 

添削

 

Japan Post will place an automatic drink dispensers in a lobby of post office1 of nationwide post offices from that we can buy soft drinks made by nine beverage makers such as Coca-Cola Japan. On March 3, Japan Post will place the first dispenser as the first in Tokyo and expects that the number of dispenser will reach to be near the 10,000 in a year later.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       a lobby of post office nationwideで全国の(総ての)郵便局のロビーとわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japan Post will place an automatic drink dispensers in a lobby of post office nationwide  from that we can buy soft drinks by nine beverage makers such as Coca-Cola Japan. On March 3, Japan Post will place the first dispenser in Tokyo and expects that the number of dispenser will reach 10,000 in a year .

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(mxtomi, 27 December 09

 

Japan Post is going to install vending machines for soft drinks of nine beverage manufacturers such as Coca-Cola Japan at the lobby of its post offices nationwide. Beginning with the first installation at a post office in Tokyo on March 3, the company plans to cover nearly 10,000 post offices within a year.

 

添削

 

Japan Post is going to install vending machines for soft drinks of nine beverage manufacturers such as Coca-Cola Japan at the lobby of its post offices nationwide. Beginning with the first installation at a post office in Tokyo on March 3, the company plans to cover complete the installation at nearly 10,000 post offices within a year.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japan Post is going to install vending machines for soft drinks of nine beverage manufacturers such as Coca-Cola Japan at the lobby of its post offices nationwide. Beginning with the first installation at a post office in Tokyo on March 3, the company plans to complete the installation at nearly 10,000 post offices within a year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(kk, 15 July 08

 

Japan Post will install a vending machine which sells soft drinks from nine companies such as Coca-Cola Japan Co., Ltd. at the lobby in all the post office throughout Japan. On March 3, the first vending machine will be installed at a post office in Tokyo metropolis. The number of post offices with a vending machine will be about 10,000 within a year.

 

添削

 

Japan Post will install a vending machine which sells soft drinks from nine companies such as Coca-Cola Japan Co., Ltd. at in the lobby of in all the its post offices throughout Japan. On March 3, the first vending machine will be installed at a post office in Tokyo metropolis. The number of post offices with a vending machine will be about 10,000 within a year.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japan Post will install a vending machine which sells soft drinks from nine companies such as Coca-Cola Japan Co., Ltd. in the lobby of all its post offices throughout Japan. On March 3, the first vending machine will be installed at a post office in Tokyo. The number of post offices with a vending machine will be about 10,000 within a year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 13 July 08

 

Japan Post installs vending machines which can buy soft drinks from nine venders such as Coca Cola Japan at every post office nationwide. It has already installed the first vending machine at a post office in Tokyo on March 3. The total number of vending machines will be around 10,000 after a year.

 

添削

 

Japan Post is installsing a1 vending machines which sells can buy soft drinks from nine venders such as Coca Cola Japan at every post office nationwide. It has already installed the first vending machine at a post office in Tokyo on March 3. The total number of vending machines will be around 10,000 after in a year.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       それぞれの郵便局に一つでしょうから、ここは単数にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japan Post is installing a vending machine which sells soft drinks from nine venders such as Coca Cola Japan at every post office nationwide. It has already installed the first vending machine at a post office in Tokyo on March 3. The total number of vending machines will be around 10,000 in a year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、 22 July 07

 

Japan Post will establish venders which can buy soft drinks of nine beverage makers such as Coca-Cola Japan Co., Ltd. at the lobby of post offices across Japan. On March 3, the first vender will be established in a post office in Tokyo. Japan Post is planning to establish them at about 10,000 post offices in one year.

 

添削

 

Japan Post will establish install a vendersing machine which can buy sells soft drinks of from nine beverage makers such as Coca-Cola Japan Co., Ltd. at the lobby of a post offices1 across Japan. On March 3, the first vendering machine will be established installed in a post office in Tokyo. Japan Post is planning to establish install the vending machine them at about 10,000 post offices in one within a year.

 

コメント

 

1.       a vending machine at the lobby of a post officeと単数形で代表します。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japan Post will install a vending machine which sells soft drinks from nine beverage makers such as Coca-Cola Japan Co., Ltd. at the lobby of a post office across Japan. On March 3, the first vending machine will be installed in a post office in Tokyo. Japan Post is planning to install the vending machine at about 10,000 post offices within a year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、21 July 07

 

The Japan Post will install a vending machine which sell cool drink manufactured by the Japan Coca-Cola Co. and so on at a lobby of post office in Japan. On March 3th, the first vending machine was installed at a post office in Tokyo. About ten thousand of such a vending machine probably will be installed at post offices around Japan in a year.

 

添削

 

The Japan Post will install a vending machine which sells cool soft1 drinks manufactured by the Japan Coca-Cola Co. and so on others at in the a lobby of a post office  nationwide in Japan. On March 3th third, the first vending machine was installed at a post office in Tokyo. About ten thousand of such a vending machine probably will probably be installed at post offices around Japan in within a year.

 

コメント

 

1.       soft drink は非酒類飲料水という物質名詞ですが、ここでは個々の種類を数えて複数にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japan Post will install a vending machine which sells soft drinks manufactured by Japan Coca-Cola Co. and others in the lobby of a post office nationwide . On March third, the first vending machine was installed at a post office in Tokyo. About ten thousand of such a vending machine will probably be installed at post offices around Japan within a year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(HANASAKI, 12 February 07

 

Japan Post is planning to set up a soft drink vending machine of nine makers such as Coca-Cola Japan at the lobby of Post offices around the country . The first machine will be set up at Japan Post offices in Tokyo on March 3. It is expected that nearly ten thousand post offices will have a soft drink vending machine in a year.

 

添削

 

Japan Post is planning to set up a soft drink vending machine of for1 nine soft drink makers such as Coca-Cola Japan at in the lobby of Ppost offices around the country . The first machine will be set up at a Japan Post offices in Tokyo on March 3. It is expected that nearly ten thousand post offices will have a soft drink vending machine in within2 a year.

 

コメント

 

1.       for nine soft drink makersとなると、郵政公社は飲料メーカー九社のために自動販売機を設置した、となります。まあ、お互いの利益をはかってのことでしょう。Japan Post is planning to set up a vending machine for soft drink ~. The vending machine carries soft drinks from nine soft drink makers such as Coca-Cola Japan.とすると、まずは自動販売機を設置するということが強調され、つぎにこの自動販売機は次のソフトドリンクを売る、となります。

 

2.       within a yearとすると、一年以内に、ということが明確になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japan Post is planning to set up a soft drink vending machine for nine soft drink makers such as Coca-Cola Japan in the lobby of post offices around the country . The first machine will be set up at a Japan Post offices in Tokyo on March 3. It is expected that nearly ten thousand post offices will have a soft drink vending machine within a year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(KAPPA200424 October 06

 

Japan Postal Service has a plan to set vending machines where we can buy soft drinks of nine beverage companies including Japan Coca-cola in the lobbies of nationwide post offices. The first machines will be set in a post office in Tokyo on March 3 and it expects to expand to nearly ten thousands offices in a year.

 

添削

 

Japan Postal Service has a plan to set up a vending machines1 where we can buy soft drinks of nine beverage companies including Japan Coca-cola2 in the lobbiesy of a nationwide post offices nationwide3. People can buy soft drinks of nine beverage companies including Japan Coca Cola from the vending machine. The first machines will be set up in a post office in Tokyo on March 3. and it Japan Postal Service expects that the vending machine will be set up4 in to expand to nearly ten thousands post offices in a year.

 

コメント

 

1.       自動販売機の数は複数になるわけですが、このような文章ではそのうちの一例をとって説明するのが一般的です。

 

2.       set up a vending machineの次に「何処に」を置いたほうが内容がわかりやすくなります。自動販売機の説明は独立した文にするのよいでしょう。

 

3.       a post office nationwidenationwideを副詞に使うのが一般的です。

 

4.       expect ~は「期待している」というよりか「〜になるだろうと考えている」という意味に近いです。Japan Postal Service expects to expand the installation of vending machine ~.という表現もできますが、このプログラムの主体である日本郵政公社がどのくらいの数の自動販売機を設置できるかわからない、という意味が含まれます。添削のようにすると、「(設置業者に委託して自動販売機を設置しているので)一年で〜ぐらい設置できるのではないかと思っている。」という感じになります。またexpand Aというようにexpandは他動詞名なので目的語を必要とします。ここでexpand the vending machineとすると「自動販売機のサイズを拡張する」という意味になってしますので、expandを使うときはexpand the installation of vending machine to nearly ten thousand post offices.というように表現します。こういうところが英語の面倒なところです。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japan Postal Service has a plan to set up a vending machine in the lobby of a post office nationwide. People can buy soft drinks of nine beverage companies including Japan Coca Cola from the vending machine. The first machine will be set up in a post office in Tokyo on March 3. Japan Postal Service expects that the vending machine will be set up in nearly ten thousands post offices in a year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、19 November 04

 

Japan Post will install vending machines for soft drinks by nine drinks makers including the Coca-Cola Japan Company, Ltd. in the lobby of post offices throughout Japan. The first machine will be installed in one of the post offices in the Tokyo Metropolitan Prefecture on March 3. The number of post offices with such machines is expected to reach about 10,000 in a year.

 

添削

 

Japan Post will install vending machines for soft drinks by nine drinks makers including the Coca-Cola Japan Company, Ltd. in the lobby of post offices throughout Japan. The first machine will be installed in one of the post offices in the Tokyo Metropolitan Prefecture on March 3. The number of post offices with such machines1 is expected to reach about 10,000 in a year.

 

コメント

 

1.       日本文には「一万局近く」となっているだけすが、マウント60さんはthe number of post offices with such machinesと補足説明して内容をわかりやすくしています。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japan Post will install vending machines for soft drinks by nine drinks makers including Coca-Cola Japan Company, Ltd. in the lobby of post offices throughout Japan. The first machine will be installed in one of the post offices in the Tokyo Metropolitan Prefecture on March 3. The number of post offices with such machines is expected to reach about 10,000 in a year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(ピッコロ、16 August 04

 

Japan Post have a plan to set vending machines in the lobby at each postal office whole country in order that customer can buy soft drink produced by nine companies such as Japan Coca-Cora there. It is going to put the first one in a post office in the Tokyo metropolitan area on 3 March, almost ten thousand post office will be expected to have vending machines one year later.

 

添削

 

Japan Post have a plan is planning1 to set install a vending machines in the lobby at each every postal office in the whole country in order that customers can buy soft drink produced by nine companies such as Japan Coca-Cora2 there. It Japan Post3 is going to put the first one in a post office in the Tokyo metropolitan area on 3 March4, . almost Almost ten thousand post offices will be are5 expected to have a vending machines one year later within a year6.

 

コメント

 

1.       has a plan to Aよりis planning to Aのほうが、近いうちに〜する、という感じになります。

 

2.       「日本郵政公社は、全国の郵便局のロビーに日本コカ・コーラなど飲料メーカー九社の清涼飲料水が買える自動販売機を設置する。」は「日本郵政公社は、全国の郵便局のロビーに自動販売機を設置する。」と「(お客はこの自動販売機から)日本コカ・コーラなど飲料メーカー九社の清涼飲料水が買える。」の二つの内容がありますね。ピッコロさんは先ず最初の内容、次に2番目の内容を英文で表現して、in order that~とうまくつなげています。

 

3.       実務文ではなるべく代名詞を使わずに固有名詞を繰り返したほうが、読者に内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

4.       日時の表現方法はいろいろとあります。

3 March

3rd March

March 3

March 3rd

The third of March

March the third (イギリス風)

March third (アメリカ風)

 

どの表記方法でも良いですが、わたしはMarch 3を使っています。カナダ人には短い文章の中ではMarch the third またはアメリカ風にMarch third を使うことを好む人がいます。

 

5.       Be expected to Aには未来の意味が含まれているので、通常willは使いません。

 

6.       One year laterとすると、1年後のある時に、の意味になります。この1年のうちにだんだんと設置していく、というときにはwithin a yearとなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japan Post is planning to install a vending machine in the lobby at every postal office in the whole country in order that customers can buy soft drink produced by nine companies such as Japan Coca-Cora. Japan Post is going to put the first one in a post office in the Tokyo metropolitan area on 3 March. Almost ten thousand post offices are5 expected to have a vending machine within a year.

 

 

初級問題 142

 

鳥インフルエンザ問題で消費者に不安が広がっているが、鳥インフルエンザに感染した鶏の肉や卵を食べた人が感染した報告例はなく、鶏肉は70度以上で加熱すればウイルスは死滅する。卵の場合、出荷前の消毒で洗浄されるが、殻の表面にウイルスの混じったふんが付着することも考えられるで、目玉焼きやゆで卵にするときも70度以上で加熱・調理して万全を期した方がいい。

 

読者からの投稿 13(BURU, 20 February 16

 

Bird-flu issue has been prevailing among consumers. But there is still no report somebody who ate an egg and a chicken meat with its virus infected. Virus can be killed if the chicken meat is burned over 70 degrees. Even the egg also had better cooking over 70 degrees when we cook a fried egg and a boiled egg. For the egg, it is usually washed up the surface of shell before factory shipment but still there is possibility to attach virus on the shell. We might as well make assurance.

 

添削

 

The Bbird-flu concern issue has been prevailing among consumers. But there is still no report that a person somebody who ate an egg and a chicken meat with the its virus was infected1. The Vvirus can be killed when if the chicken meat is cooked burned over 70 degrees Celsius. Even tThe egg also must be cooked had better cooking over 70 degrees Celsius when we make cook a fried egg and a boiled egg. For tThe egg, it is usually washed up the surface of shell2 before it is shipped from a factory shipment but still there is possibility for chicken feces with the to attach virus to get stuck on the shell. So, Wwe might as well make sure that we kill the virus when we cook eggs assurance3.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、分かり難い箇所があります。

 

1.       ここは受動態にしないと意味がわからなくなります。

 

2.       次の文にon the shellがあるので、ここは簡単な文にします。

 

3.       内容の繰り返しになりますが、添削のような説明を加えるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The bird-flu concern has been prevailing among consumers. But there is still no report that a person who ate an egg and a chicken meat with the virus was infected. The virus can be killed when the chicken meat is cooked over 70 degrees Celsius. The egg also must be cooked over 70 degrees Celsius when we make a fried egg and a boiled egg. The egg is usually washed before it is shipped from a factory but there is possibility for chicken feces with the virus to get stuck on the shell. So, we might as well make sure that we kill the virus when we cook eggs .

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(OKEN, 16 May 13

 

News about Bird Flu outbreak has been raising concerns among consumers. However, there has been no report that people who ate chicken and eggs from infected chickens were infected with Bird Flu. When we heat chicken meat to at least 70 degrees, the virus become extinct. As for eggs, although they are disinfected and washed before shipping, we should cook them to at least 70 degrees because chicken feces with the virus are thought to adhere to the shell of eggs.

 

添削

 

News about Bird Flu outbreak has been raising concerns among consumers. However, there has been no report that people who ate chicken and eggs from infected chickens were infected with Bird Flu. When we heat chicken meat to at least 70 degrees Celsius , the virus will be killed become extinct. As for eggs, although they are disinfected and washed before shipping, we should cook them to at least 70 degrees Celsius because chicken feces with the virus can be stuck are thought to adhere to the shells of eggs.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。よく整理された文章です。

 

添削後の文章

 

News about Bird Flu outbreak has been raising concerns among consumers. However, there has been no report that people who ate chicken and eggs from infected chickens were infected with Bird Flu. When we heat chicken meat to at least 70 degrees Celsius, the virus will be killed. As for eggs, although they are disinfected and washed before shipping, we should cook them to at least 70 degrees Celsius because chicken feces with the virus can be stuck to the shells of eggs.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(Valley winds, 4 February 13

 

About the bird influenza many consumers begin to feel anxiety. According to any reports, no one who ate chicken and eggs of the bird had flu have had flu. All virus in chicken are killed by heating over 70 degree Celsius. Eggs are cleaned up before shipping but we expect that dung with virus attach to the surface of eggs. You should heat over 70 degree Celsius in case when you cook sunny-side up egg and boiled egg.

 

添削

 

About the bird influenza mMany consumers begin to get anxious about bird flu feel anxiety. However, According to any reports, there has been no report that one people who ate chicken meat and eggs of the bird with had flu have got had bird flu. The bird flu All virus in the chicken meat is are killed by heating it over 70 degrees Celsius. Eggs are cleaned up before shipping but we expect that chicken faeces dung with the virus could be attached to the surface of eggs. You should heat eggs over 70 degree Celsius in case when you cook sunny-side up eggs and boiled eggs.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Many consumers begin to get anxious about bird flu. However, there has been no report that  people who ate chicken meat and eggs of the bird with flu got bird flu. The bird flu virus in the chicken meat is killed by heating it over 70 degrees Celsius. Eggs are cleaned up before shipping but chicken faeces with the virus could be attached to the surface of eggs. You should heat eggs over 70 degree Celsius when you cook sunny-side up eggs and boiled eggs.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(mxtomi, 27 December 09

 

There has been an increasing concern for bird flu among consumers. To our relief, however, no such cases have been reported that humans have caught the flu by eating the meat or eggs of infected chickens. Virus in the chicken meat can be destroyed by boiling at temperatures of over 70 degrees Celsius. The eggs are washed with an antiseptic before being shipped. Nevertheless, it is still possible for feces containing the virus to cling to the surface of an eggshell. Accordingly, to fully ensure your safety, it is recommended that you fry or boil eggs at 70 degrees Celsius or higher.

 

添削

 

There has been an increasing concern for bird flu among consumers. To our relief, however, no such cases have been reported that humans have caught the flu by eating the meat or eggs of infected chickens. Virus in the chicken meat can be destroyed by boiling at temperatures of over 70 degrees Celsius. The eggs are washed with an antiseptic before being shipped. Nevertheless, it is still possible for feces containing the virus to cling get stuck to the surface of an eggshell. Accordingly Therefore, to fully ensure your safety, it is recommended that you fry or boil eggs at 70 degrees Celsius or higher.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。内容が整理されていてわかりやすい文章です。

 

添削後の文章

 

There has been an increasing concern for bird flu among consumers. To our relief, however, no such cases have been reported that humans have caught the flu by eating the meat or eggs of infected chickens. Virus in the chicken meat can be destroyed by boiling at temperatures of over 70 degrees Celsius. The eggs are washed with an antiseptic before being shipped. Nevertheless, it is still possible for feces containing the virus to get stuck to the surface of an eggshell. Therefore, to fully ensure your safety, it is recommended that you fry or boil eggs at 70 degrees Celsius or higher.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(kk, 18 July 08

 

Bird flu has been casting a dark shadow on consumers. No cases that anyone who had flu-infected chicken or eggs caught a flue virus have been reported yet. A bird flu virus of chicken was killed by heating at 70 degrees Celsius and over. If you have eggs, you had better cook at 70 degrees Celsius and over when making sunny-side up or boiled eggs. It could happen that surfaces of eggshells might carry viruses along with droppings even if they are cleaned by antiseptics before shipments. 

 

添削

 

Bird flu has been casting a dark shadow on consumers. No cases have been reported yet that anyone who had ate flu virus-infected chicken or eggs caught a bird flue virus have been reported yet. A bird flu virus in of chicken meat can be was killed by heating it at 70 degrees Celsius and over. When you make a sunny-side up or boiled egg1 If you have eggs, you had better cook it at 70 degrees Celsius and over when making sunny-side up or boiled eggs. It could happen that the surfaces of an eggshells has some chicken droppings with might carryi the viruses along with droppings even after if the egg has been they are cleaned by antiseptics before shipments. 

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       このような構成のほうがないようがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Bird flu has been casting a dark shadow on consumers. No cases have been reported yet that anyone who ate virus-infected chicken or eggs caught bird flue. A bird flu virus in  chicken meat can be killed by heating it at 70 degrees Celsius and over. When you make a sunny-side up or boiled egg eggs, you had better cook it at 70 degrees Celsius. It could happen that the surfaces of an eggshell has some chicken droppings with the virus even after the egg has been cleaned by antiseptics before shipment. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(dunkel, 16 July 08

 

Consumers get worried about bird flu these days. But there is no example which a person who eats infected chicken or eggs is infected by bird flu until now. As for chicken, the virus get eradicated when they are heated above 70 degrees Celsius. As for egg, they are disinfected before shipment. But we recommend you to also heat above 70 degrees Celsius when you cook eggs because sometimes infected feces attached over the surface of the eggshell.

 

添削

 

Consumers get worried about bird flu these days. But there is has been no example case where which a person who eats infected chicken or eggs is gets infected by bird flu by eating chicken meat or eggs until now yet. As for chicken meat, the bird flue viruses get eradicated when they are heated above 70 degrees Celsius. As for eggs, they are disinfected before shipment. But we also recommend you to also heat them above 70 degrees Celsius when you cook eggs because sometimes infected feces are still attached over on the surface of the eggshell.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。we recommend you to heat them above 70 degrees Celsius when you cook eggsという表現がわかりやすいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Consumers get worried about bird flu these days. But there has been no case where a person gets infected by bird flu by eating chicken meat or eggs yet. As for chicken meat, the bird flue viruses get eradicated when they are heated above 70 degrees Celsius. As for eggs, they are disinfected before shipment. But we also recommend you to heat them above 70 degrees Celsius when you cook eggs because sometimes infected feces are still attached on the surface of the eggshell.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(かい、15 July 08

 

 

Due to bird flu, an anxiousness spread among many consumers. However, the case that people eating meats and eggs contaminated by the flu were infected isn't still reported. As for chicken meats ,virus become extinct by boiling them at more than 70 degrees. As for eggs, they are disinfected and washed before shipping. Though ,it is thought that cacks infected with virus attach on the surface of eggshell, therefore we should heat and cook them at more than 70 degrees in case food poisoning occurs when we make them fried or boiled eggs.

 

添削

 

Due to bird flu, an anxiousness spread among  mMany consumers are anxious about bird flu1. However, no the case has been reported yet2 that people eating chicken meats or and eggs contaminated by the flu virus were are infected by bird flue isn't still reported. As for chicken meats ,the virus becomes extinct by boiling it them at the heat of more than 70 degrees Celsius. As for eggs, they are disinfected and washed before shipping. It is still possible that Though ,it is thought that cacks chicken droppings infected with the virus are attached on the surface of eggshell.,  therefore Therefore, we should heat and cook them at the heat of more than 70 degrees Celsius in case food poisoning occurs3 when we make them fried or boiled eggs.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「鳥インフルエンザ問題で消費者に不安が広がっている」は「国内の養鶏場で鳥インフルエンザの発生が起こっているので、鳥インフルエンザウイルスで感染した鶏肉や鶏卵を食べても大丈夫か、という不安が消費者に広がっている」ということでしょう。この新聞記事が書かれたときにこのようなことが起こっていて、読者はそのことを知っている、という想定で記事がかかれています。このような記事を背景を知らずに内容を英文で表現するとなると難しいですね。投稿の文は日本文に忠実です。ただし、an anxiousnessとは何の心配だろう、と疑問になります。添削では鳥インフルエンザを心配していると簡単、直裁にしました。

 

2.       no case has been reportedを文頭に置いたほうが内容がはっきりします。イエスかノーかを文章、または文の最初に置くというのが英文の特徴です。先ずは立場をはっきりさせてから、その説明をするというスタイルです。

 

3.       「加熱・調理して万全を期した方がいい。」とありますが、すでに文章の中で何に万全を期すか、わかっているので省略できます。読者がこのことを忘れないように万全を期すためには、we should heat and cook them at the heat of more than 70 degrees Celsius to make it absolutely sure that no virus survives. と付け足すこともできます。in case of food poisoning, in case food poisoning occursとすると、「(確率は低いが)もし鳥インフルエンザが起こったら」ということですから、起こった後で殺菌しても遅いです。ちなみに「目玉焼き」はa sunny-side up(目玉―太陽が上側)という言い方があり、レストランではこう言って注文します。目玉が下側(目玉焼きが半分できたら裏返しして目玉のほうも焼く)のものをa sunny-side downと言います。

 

添削後の文章

 

Many consumers are anxious about bird flu. However, no case has been reported yet that people eating chicken meat or eggs contaminated by the flu virus are infected by bird flue. As for chicken meat, the virus becomes extinct by boiling it at the heat of more than 70 degrees Celsius. As for eggs, they are disinfected and washed before shipping. It is still possible that chicken droppings infected with the virus are attached on the surface of eggshell. Therefore, we should heat and cook them at the heat of more than 70 degrees Celsius when we make fried or boiled eggs.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、23 July 07

 

The problems about bird flu cause anxiety among consumers. There are not any reports that people who ate chicken and eggs infected with bird flu were infected with bird flu. If chicken is boiled over 70 degree, all viruses in chicken will die. In case of eggs, they are washed for disinfection. But, as droppings containing viruses may be attached to the surface of shells, we should cook eggs in temperature over 70 degree to make assurance doubly sure when we cook fried and boiled eggs.

 

添削

 

The problems about bBird flu is causeing1 anxiety among consumers.consumers, but2 Tthere are have not been any reports that people who ate chicken and or eggs infected with by the bird flu virus were also infected with by bird flu. If chicken is boiled at over 70 degrees Celsius and over, all viruses in the chicken will die. In case of eggs, they are washed for before shipping disinfection. But, as droppings containing viruses the bird flue virus may be attached to the surface of shells, we should cook eggs in at the temperature of over 70 degrees Celsius and over to make assurance doubly sure that we kill the virus3 when we cook fried and boiled eggs.

 

コメント

 

1.       現在進行形にすると内容が具体的になります。

 

2.       前の文の内容とのつながりをよくするためにはコンマがよいでしょう。

 

3.       何を確実にするかを書く必要があります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Bird flu is causing anxiety among consumers, but there have not been any reports that people who ate chicken or eggs infected by the bird flu virus were also infected by bird flu. If chicken is boiled at 70 degrees Celsius and over, all viruses in the chicken will die. In case of eggs, they are washed before shipping. But, as droppings containing the bird flue virus may be attached to the surface of shells, we should cook eggs at the temperature of 70 degrees Celsius and over to make doubly sure that we kill the virus when we cook fried and boiled eggs.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、22 July 07

 

The avian influenza issue has made consumers feel fear. But there has been no one infected with avian influenza, who ate the flesh and eggs of the bird infected with avian influenza. Moreover, cooking over 70 degree will destroy a virus of the influenza. In the case of eggs, dropping with virus might still attach to the surface of eggs although the eggs was washed before shipping. Then, you had better cook with sufficient heating (over 70 degree) to kill viruses even when you cook an egg sunny-side up or a soft-boiled egg.

 

添削

 

The avian influenza issue has made consumers feel fear concerned. But there has been no one case of human infection from infected with avian influenza, who ate eating chicken meat or the flesh and eggs of the bird infected with the avian influenza virus1. Moreover, cooking meat and eggs2 at over 70 degrees Celsius and over will destroy a virus of the avian influenza virus. In the case of eggs, chicken droppings with the virus might be still attached to the surface of an eggs although the eggs was washed before shipping. Then, you had better cook it with sufficient heating (over 70 degrees Celsius) to kill the viruses even when you cook an egg make a sunny-side up or a 3soft-boiled egg.

 

コメント

 

1.       「鶏の肉や卵を食べた人が感染した」は「人への感染」human infectionとすると文が間単になります。

 

2.       Cooking (chicken) meat and eggsと目的語を入れます。

 

3.       a sunny-side up or soft-boiled eggaを一つ省略できます。北米のホテルに泊まると朝食の注文が面倒ですね。卵だけでもsunny-side up, boiled, scrambled, poached (おとしたまご)から選ばなければならず、boiledと言うと「何分湯でか」と聞かれます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The avian influenza issue has made consumers feel concerned. But there has been no case of human infection from eating chicken meat or eggs infected with the avian influenza virus. Moreover, cooking meat and eggs at 70 degrees Celsius and over will destroy the avian influenza virus. In the case of eggs, chicken droppings with the virus might be still attached to the surface of an egg although the egg was washed before shipping. Then, you had better cook it with sufficient heating (over 70 degrees Celsius) to kill the virus when you make a sunny-side up or soft-boiled egg.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(HANASAKI, 13 February 07

 

Concerns over bird-flu are spreading among consumers. However, no case of human infection by eating meat and eggs from a infected bird is reported. Bird-flu virus die when meat is cooked at over seventy degrees. In the case of eggs, they are cleaned by pre-shipment sterilization, but as it could be that virus are left in the bird droppings attached on the eggshell, you had better boil them or fry them with sufficient heating over seventy degrees as a precaution.

 

添削

 

Concerns over bird-flu are spreading among consumers. However, no case of human infection by eating meat and eggs from a infected bird is reported. The Bbird-flu virus1 dies when meat is cooked at over seventy degrees. In the case of eggs, they are cleaned by pre-shipment sterilization,. but However, as it could be that the virus is are left in the bird droppings attached on the eggshell, you had better boil them or fry them with sufficient heating over seventy degrees as a precaution.

 

コメント

 

1.       a virusは可算名詞です。全体に簡潔な英文で日本文の内容を表現してありますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Concerns over bird-flu are spreading among consumers. However, no case of human infection by eating meat and eggs from a infected bird is reported. The bird-flu virus dies when meat is cooked at over seventy degrees. In the case of eggs, they are cleaned by pre-shipment sterilization. However, as it could be that the virus is left in the bird droppings attached on the eggshell, you had better boil them or fry them with sufficient heating over seventy degrees as a precaution.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(KAPPA200424 October 06

 

Bird flue problems causes consumers big concerns, however there is no report of man infection having eaten infected chicken or eggs. Virus in chicken will die when heated over 70 degree C. In case of egg, it is washed by before- delivery disinfection. Since excrement having virus may adhere to the surface of the shell, it should be safer that we heat and cook over 70 degree C when egg is cooked in fried or boiled.

 

添削

 

Bird flue problems are causesing consumers a big concerns for consumers., however1 However, there is no report of man humans2 being infectedion by bird flue after having eaten infected chicken or eggs with the bird flue virus. The Vvirus in chicken will die when the chicken3 is heated over 70 degree C. In case of egg,. Eggs are it is washed by disinfectant before- delivery disinfection. Since But a piece of excrement having the virus may be still adhered to the surface of the egg shell,. So, it should be safer that we heat and cook eggs over 70 degree C when we make sunny-side-ups or boiled eggs is cooked in fried or boiled.

 

コメント

 

1.       howeverの前後の文の内容が随分ことなるので、ここから新しい文にするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       動物 (animals)に対しての人間はhumansと表現するのが一般的です。

 

3.       主語を入れて内容を明確にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Bird flue problems are causing a big concern for consumers. However, there is no report of humans being infected by bird flue after having eaten chicken or eggs with the bird flue virus. The virus in chicken will die when the chicken is heated over 70 degree C. Eggs are  washed by disinfectant before delivery. But a piece of excrement having the virus may be still adhered to the surface of the egg shell. So, it should be safer that we heat and cook eggs over 70 degree C when we make sunny-side-ups or boiled eggs .

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、19 November 04

 

While the issue of avian flu is causing a lot of fear for consumers, there have been no cases reported of someone infected with the flu after eating chicken or eggs infected with the flu virus. The virus will die when chicken is heated at a temperature of seventy degrees Celsius or higher. Eggs are washed and pasteurized before shipment but, as chickens' droppings mixed with the virus could be attached to the surface of the egg shell, it is best to heat them at a temperature of seventy degrees Celsius or higher even for making sunny-side ups or boiled eggs to make assurance doubly sure.

 

添削

 

While the issue of avian flu is causing a lot of fear for among consumers, there have not even a single case has1 been no cases reported of someone infected with the avian flu after eating chicken or eggs infected with the flu virus. The virus will die when chicken is heated at a temperature of seventy degrees Celsius or higher. Eggs are washed and pasteurized before shipment but, as chickens' droppings mixed with the virus could be attached to the surface of the egg shell, it is best to heat them at a temperature of seventy degrees Celsius or higher even for making sunny-side ups or boiled eggs to make assurance it doubly sure that the virus is killed2.

 

コメント

 

1.       このような事例は一件も無かった、ことを強調するにはこのような表現があります。

 

2.       添削のように説明を補足すると内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

While the issue of avian flu is causing a lot of fear among consumers, not even a single case has1 been reported of someone infected with the avian flu after eating chicken or eggs infected with the flu virus. The virus will die when chicken is heated at a temperature of seventy degrees Celsius or higher. Eggs are washed and pasteurized before shipment but, as chickens' droppings mixed with the virus could be attached to the surface of the egg shell, it is best to heat them at a temperature of seventy degrees Celsius or higher even for making sunny-side ups or boiled eggs to make it doubly sure that the virus is killed.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(ピッコロ、16 August 04

 

Although fear about birds’ influenza problem is spreading among consumers, but actually there is no report that anyone infected by eating the meat or egg whose bird had infected, and when chicken is heated with more than 70 degree the virus the chicken have become extinct. In case of eggs, even though they are disinfected before shipment, it is possible that dropping included the virus might attach on the surface of the shell, so to make doubly sure it would be better that eggs will be cooked more than 70 degree’s heat if you make boiled egg or sunny-side up egg.

 

添削

 

Although fear concern1 about birds’ avian2 influenza problem is spreading among consumers, but3 actually there is has been no report that anyone caught avian influenza infected by eating the meat or egg of a bird that was whose bird had infected., and wWhen4 chicken is heated cooked at with more than 70 degrees Celsius and higher, the virus in the chicken have becomes extinct. In case of eggs, even though they are disinfected before shipment, it is possible that droppings included with the virus might be still attached on the surface of the shell., so So to make it doubly sure5, it would be better that eggs will be cooked at more than 70 degree’s or higher heat if you make boiled egg or sunny-side up eggs.

 

コメント

 

1.       fearというと、消費者が恐慌をきたした、という感じなのでconcern にしました。食品の安全性に対する日本の消費者の反応を見ていると、fearが適当かもしれませんが。

 

2.       Birds’ influenza または birds’ fluとも一般的に呼ばれていますが、ここでは正式は名称のavian influenzaにしました。

 

3.       Althoughがあるので、butはいりません。

 

4.       文が長くなるので、ここから新しい文にすると良いでしょう。日本文はいくつかの関連した内容を「てにをは」で続けて長くする傾向があるので、英文で表現するときには、内容を整理して、いくつかの文に分けて表現する必要があります。

 

5.       Make sure that A(Aは従属節)という形が一般的ですが、to make sureを副詞句に使うときにはto make it sure, と一般的なことを指すitを入れると、この副詞句の後にくることの万全を期す、ということがはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Although concern about avian influenza is spreading among consumers, actually there has been no report that anyone caught avian influenza by eating the meat or egg of a bird that was  infected., When chicken is cooked at 70 degrees Celsius and higher, the virus in the chicken becomes extinct. In case of eggs, even though they are disinfected before shipment, it is possible that droppings with the virus might be still attached on the surface of the shell. So to make it doubly sure, it would be better that eggs will be cooked at 70 degree or higher if you make boiled or sunny-side up eggs.

 

 

初級問題 143

 

2003年に倒産した北海道の企業のうち、創業30年以上の歴史を持つ老舗企業の倒産が213件で全体の32・1%を占めた。老舗倒産の増加の理由は、不況の長期化で競争力を失ったことに加え、長年培った経営手法を踏襲するだけではデフレの荒波を乗り切れないからである。

 

読者からの投稿 12(BURU, 23 February 16

 

Two hundred thirteen well-established companies of Hokkaido were bankrupt in 2003. All of those companies had run over thirty years. The number was occupied 32.1% of all. One of the reasons of bankruptcy was that those companies were lost competitive power during the long term of depression, and also they could not overwhelm a hard deflation only their business experience which was followed the way by their predecessors.

 

添削

 

Two hundred thirteen well-established companies of Hokkaido were went bankrupt in 2003. All of those companies had run over thirty years. They amounted to number was occupied 32.1% of all bankruptcies in Hokkaido that year . One of the reasons of bankruptcy was that those companies were lost their competitive power during the long-lasting term of depression, and also they could not overcome overwhelm a hard the impact of deflation by only following the their business experience of which was followed the way by their predecessors.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、細部が不明です。

 

1.       One of the reasons と言っているので、ここは前半とつなげて一つの原因のするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Two hundred thirteen well-established companies of Hokkaido went bankrupt in 2003. All of those companies had run over thirty years. They amounted to 32.1% of all bankruptcies in Hokkaido that year. One of the reasons of bankruptcy was that those companies lost their competitive power during the long-lasting depression and they could not overcome the impact of deflation by only following the business experience of their predecessors.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(Valley winds, 5 February 13

 

The number of failed old companies founded over 30 years ago was 213 and 32. 1% of whole failed companies in Hokkaido on 2003. The reason why the number of failed old companies increase is that they have lost competitive power because of long time depression and couldn’t overcome challenge of deflation by only management skills taking over from former presidents.

 

添削

 

The number of failed old companies that were founded over 30 years ago was 213, or  and 32. 1% of the whole failed companies in Hokkaido in on 20031. The reason why the number of failed old companies is increase increasing is that they have lost competitiveness power because of the long time depression and cannot couldn’t overcome the challenge of deflation only by their only management skills that they have developed over years taking over from former presidents.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       The number という非有機的なものより会社という具体的なものを主語にしたほうがわかりやすくなります。次のような表現ができます。In 2003, a total of 213 old companies with more than 30 years’ history went bankrupt in Hokkaido. This was 32.1% of the total number of bankruptcies.

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of failed old companies that were founded over 30 years ago was 213, or 32. 1% of the whole failed companies in Hokkaido in 2003. The reason why the number of failed old companies is increasing is that they have lost competitiveness because of the long  depression and cannot overcome the challenge of deflation only by their management skills that they have developed over years .

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(かい、11 March 11

 

Of companies in Hokkaido having gone bankrupt in 2003, the number of the bankruptcy of the companies that had a long history more than 30 years was 213, and was 32.1% of the total bankruptcy. The reason of an increase of the company's bankruptcy is that the companies could not have gotten through a severity of deflation by merely following management techniques constructed for a long time in addition to the loss of a competitiveness by a lengthy recession.

 

添削

 

Of companies in Hokkaido having gone bankrupt in 2003, the number of the bankruptcy of the1 companies that had a long history of more than 30 years was 213, and was 32.1% of the total bankruptciesy. The main reasons of an increase of the company's  the bankruptcyies of those old companies were is that the companies they could not get have gotten through the a severity of the current deflation by merely following management techniques constructed for a long time and in addition to the loss of a competitiveness by the a lengthy recession.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       この文の始めに「破産した会社のうちで」と言っているので、ここでbankruptciesを繰り返す必要はありません。

 

添削後の文章

 

Of companies in Hokkaido having gone bankrupt in 2003, the number of companies that had a long history of more than 30 years was 213, and was 32.1% of the total bankruptcies. The main reasons of the bankruptcies of those old companies were that they could not get  through the severity of the current deflation by merely following management techniques constructed for a long time and the loss of competitiveness by the lengthy recession.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(mxtomi, 27 December 09

 

Two hundred and thirteen of time-honored companies with more than 30 years in business went bankrupt in 2003, accounting for 32.1% of the total in Hokkaido. One of the reasons for the increased bankruptcy of those old firms is inflexible management practices coupled with the loss of competitiveness due to the prolonged economic depression. They were not able to survive the deflation-led recession by merely following their traditional approach.

 

添削

 

In Hokkaido1, Ttwo hundred and thirteen of time-honored companies with more than 30 years’ history in business went bankrupt in 2003, accounting for 32.1% of the total number of businesses in Hokkaido. One of the reasons for the increased bankruptcyies2 of those old firms was is their inflexible management practices coupled with the loss of competitiveness due to the prolonged economic recession depression. They were not able to survive the deflation-led recession by merely following their traditional approaches to business.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       次の出てくる数字がどこのものか具体的になるようにここに入れるとよいでしょう。文末のin Hokkaidoは省略できますが、入れておいたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       the increased (number of) bankruptciesですから複数になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

In Hokkaido, two hundred and thirteen of time-honored companies with more than 30 years’ history in business went bankrupt in 2003, accounting for 32.1% of the total number of businesses in Hokkaido. One of the reasons for the increased bankruptcies of those old firms was their inflexible management practices coupled with the loss of competitiveness due to the prolonged economic recession. They were not able to survive the deflation-led recession by merely following their traditional approaches to business.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(kk, 19 July 08

 

Among bankrupt companies in Hokkaido in 2003, a total of 32.1% or 213 companies fell into traditional stores which had run a business for more than 30 years. One of the reasons for the increase of the bankruptcy is that they have been no longer competitive under the lasting stagnation. Another reason is that they couldn't get over the hardship of deflation only by taking over their long- nurturing management methods.

 

添削

 

Among bankrupt companies in Hokkaido in 2003, a total of 32.1% or1 213 or 32.1% of them companies were fell into traditional stores which had run a business for more than 30 years. One of the reasons2 for the increase increasing number of the bankruptcyies among the traditional stores is that they have become3 been no longer non-competitive under the lasting stagnation. Another reason is that they cannot4 couldn't get over the hardship of deflation only by sticking to taking over their long- established nurturing management methods.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますがby taking over their long- nurturing management methodstake overがわかりません。誰々から何々を受け継ぐ、ですから「踏襲する」と同じ意味のようですが、この文脈では両者は違います。ここで「踏襲する」は「(昔からの方法を)繰り返して行う」ことでしょう。

 

1.       a total of 213と具体的な数字につながります。

 

2.       理由はたくさん有るでしょうが、ここではそのうちの二つだけを言っているので、One reason is ~. Another reason is ~.という形になります。

 

3.       不況のなかで競争力がなくなった、と動きを入れます。

 

4.       現在でもこの状況は変わらないのでしょうから現在形になります。

 

5.       それぞれの会社にそれぞれの伝統経営方式があれば全体で複数になりますが、ここでは「伝統経営方式」と一つに括って単数でよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Among bankrupt companies in Hokkaido in 2003, a total of 213 or 32.1% of them were  traditional stores which had run a business for more than 30 years. One reason for the  increasing number of bankruptcies among the traditional stores is that they have become  non-competitive under the lasting stagnation. Another reason is that they cannot get over the hardship of deflation only by sticking to their long- established management method.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 18 July 09

 

The number of bankruptcies of the long-term companies which had continued their business more than 30 years in Hokkaido was 213 in 2003. This number held 32.1 % of the total bankruptcies in Hokkaido in the same year. There are two reasons for the bankruptcies of the long-term companies. The one is that they lose their competitive advantages because of the long-term depression. The other is that they can not win against deflation just by their old and unchanged way of business.

 

添削

 

In 2003, a total number of 213 long-lasting went bankrupt in Hokkaido. The number of bankruptcies of the long-term Those companies which had continued their business more than 30 years in Hokkaido was 213 in 2003. They accounted for This number held 32.1 % of the total number of bankruptcies in Hokkaido in the same year. There are two reasons why those long-lasting companies go bankrupt. for the bankruptcies of the long-term companies. First2, The one is that they lose their competitive advantages because of the long-term economic recession depression. Second, The other is that they can not survive the win against deflation just by keeping their old and unchanged way of business.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       The number of bankruptcies of the long-term companies which had continued their business more than 30 years in Hokkaido was 213 in 2003. と表現すると重要点の213という数字が文の最後まで出てきません。添削のように二つの文に分けて、最初の文の始めに213と置くとよいでしょう。In 2003, 213 long-lasting companies ~.とすると数字が重なるので添削のようにa total number ofを入れました。おまけの句ですがこのようなときに便利です。

 

2.       幾つかの事柄を述べるときにFirst, Second, …と始めるとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

 

In 2003, a total number of 213 long-lasting went bankrupt in Hokkaido. Those companies  had continued their business more than 30 years. They accounted for 32.1 % of the total number of bankruptcies in Hokkaido in the same year. There are two reasons why those long-lasting companies go bankrupt. First, they lose their competitive advantages because of the long-term economic recession. Second, they can not survive the deflation just by keeping their old and unchanged way of business.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、 23 July 07

 

In the companies in Hokkaido which went bankrupt in 2003, the number of the bankruptcy of time-honored companies which had history over 30 years since they were established occupied 32.1 % of the total to 213. The reason why the bankruptcy of time-honored companies is increasing is because they lost a competitive power due to the prolongation of economic slowdown, besides they could not survive deflation by only continuing management techniques cultivated for a long time.

 

添削

 

In Among the companies in Hokkaido which went bankrupt in 2003 in Hokkaido, two hundred and thirteen of them1 were the number of the bankruptcy of time-honored companies which had history of over 30 years since they were established. They accounted for  occupied 32.1 % of all bankruptcies the total to 213. The reason why the bankruptcy of time-honored companies is increasing is because that2 they have lost a competitive power due to the prolongation of economic slowdown., bBesides3, they could not survive deflation by only continuing their traditional4 management techniques cultivated in the past for a long time.

 

コメント

 

主語を添削のように変えると文が簡単になります。

 

The reason why the bankruptcy of time-honored companies is increasing is because that they have lost a competitive power. または、The reason why tThe bankruptcy of time-honored companies is increasing is because they have lost a competitive power. という形になります。

 

Besidesがあるので、ここから新しい文にします。

 

このような補足説明をいれるとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Among the companies which went bankrupt in 2003 in Hokkaido, two hundred and thirteen of them were time-honored companies which had history of over 30 years since they were established. They accounted for 32.1 % of all bankruptcies. The reason why the bankruptcy of time-honored companies is increasing is that they have lost a competitive power due to the prolongation of economic slowdown. Besides, they could not survive deflation by only continuing their traditional management techniques cultivated in the past .

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、22 July 07

 

A 32.1% of deceased companies in Hokkaido in 2003 was companies with over 30 years history. The number of such a company was 213. The number of deceased companies has been increasing because the long business depression has deprived a company of competitive power and continuance of previous business approach without making improvements has not been able to beat deflation.

 

添削

 

An increasing number of old business with more than 30 years of history go bankrupt in Hokkaido. In 2003, two hundred and thirteen old businesses went bankrupt. This accounted for 32.1 percent of all bankruptcies.1 A 32.1% of deceased companies in Hokkaido in 2003 was companies with over 30 years history. The number of such a company was 213. The number of deceased companies has been increasing because tThe long business depression recession has deprived a them company of competitive power and the continuancetion of previous traditional business approach without making improvements has not been able to beat deflation.

 

コメント

 

1.       「2003年に倒産した北海道の企業のうち、創業30年以上の歴史を持つ老舗企業の倒産が213件で全体の32・1%を占めた。」を小文分割しましょう。次の文の「老舗倒産の増加」も内容に入れると次のようになります。「(30年以上の歴史を持つ)老舗が(北海道)で倒産する」、「(2003年に)213の老舗が倒産した」、「これは全倒産数の32.1パーセントになる」

 

添削後の文章

 

An increasing number of old business with more than 30 years of history go bankrupt in Hokkaido. In 2003, two hundred and thirteen old businesses went bankrupt. This accounted for 32.1 percent of all bankruptcies. The long business recession has deprived them of competitive power and the continuation of traditional business approach without making improvements has not been able to beat deflation.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(HANASAKI, 14 February 07

 

Among the companies in Hokkaido which went bankruptcy in 2003, 213 companies, that account for 32.1% of the whole, are long-established companies that have continued in business for thirty years or more . The increase of bankruptcy in such companies is due to the difficulties to overcome the deflation by just following to the management skill cultivated over the years, in addition to that they lost their competitive advantage in the prolonged slump.

 

添削

 

Among the companies in Hokkaido which went bankruptcy in 2003, 213 companies, that accounted for 32.1% of the whole, are were long-established companies that have had been continued in business for thirty years or more . The increase of bankruptcy in of such companies is was partly1 due to the difficulties to overcome the deflation just by just following to the their traditional management skills cultivated over the years and partly due to, in addition to that they lost the loss of2 their competitive advantage in the prolonged slump recession.

 

添削

 

1.       It is partly due to A and partly due to B.という便利は構文があります。

 

2.       上の構文でABは同じ構造を持っていると(並列構造)とわかりやすいので、Bの部分をAに合わせました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Among the companies in Hokkaido which went bankrupt in 2003, 213 companies, that accounted for 32.1% of the whole, were long-established companies that had been in business for thirty years or more. The bankruptcy of such companies was partly due to the difficulties to overcome the deflation just by following their traditional management skills cultivated over the years and partly due to the loss of their competitive advantage in the prolonged  recession.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(KAPPA2004, 25 October 06

 

Among Hokkaido enterprises bankrupted in 2003, the number of bankrupt of old companies having more than 30 years history was 213 sharing 32.1 % of the total. The reason of increase in the number of bankruptcies that they lost the power against competition due to long time recession. In addition, it becomes difficult to overcome a severe wave of deflation only by the conventional management method.

 

添削

 

Among Hokkaido enterprises bankrupted in 2003, the number of bankrupt of old companies having with more than 30 years of history was 213, sharing 32.1 % of the total. The main reason for their1 of increase in the number of bankruptcies was2 that they lost the competitive power against competition due to long time in the prolonged recession. In addition, it becomes became3 difficult for them to overcome a severe wave of deflation only by the their4 conventional management method.

 

コメント

 

1.       老舗企業の倒産の理由ですから、for their bankruptciesとするとはっきりします。

 

2.       The main reason for ~ was that ~.wasが必要ですね。

 

3.       文章全体が過去形ですから、ここも過去形がよいでしょう。

 

4.       老舗企業の長年培った経営手法ですから、their conventional management methodtheirを入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Among Hokkaido enterprises bankrupted in 2003, the number old companies with more than 30 years of history was 213, sharing 32.1 % of the total. The main reason for their  bankruptcies was that they lost competitive power in the prolonged recession. In addition, it became difficult for them to overcome a severe wave of deflation only by their conventional management method.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(メイ、3 February 05

 

Old and established businesses accounted for 213, or 32.1 per cent, among those that went bankrupt in Hokkaido in 2003. The increasing number of old and established businesses went bankrupt because they lost competitiveness in the prolong recession and could not cope with deflation with their traditional management method.

 

添削

 

Old and established businesses accounted for 213, or 32.1 per cent of among those businesses that went bankrupt in Hokkaido in 2003. The increasing number of old and established businesses going bankrupt is due1 to their loss of went bankrupt because they lost competitiveness in the prolong recession and their inability to could not cope with deflation with under their traditional management method styles.

 

1.       この句を入れると「老舗倒産の理由は」ということがはっきりします。この句の後は元の文を名詞句に書きなおしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Old and established businesses accounted for 213, or 32.1 per cent of those businesses that went bankrupt in Hokkaido in 2003. The increasing number of old and established businesses going bankrupt is due to their loss of competitiveness in the prolong recession and their inability to cope with deflation under their traditional management styles.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、24 Nov 04

 

Among the companies which went into bankruptcy in Hokkaido in 2003, 213 companies or 32.1% of all were found to have a company history of 30 years or more. The reason for the increasing bankruptcies of companies with a long history was that they could not tide over deflation-related difficulties only by following the long-standing management style in addition to the fact that they lost competitiveness due to a long recession.

 

添削

 

Among the companies which went into bankruptcy in Hokkaido in 2003, 213 companies or 32.1% of all were found to have a company history of 30 years or more. The reason for the increasing bankruptcies of companies with a long history was that they could not tide over deflation-related difficulties only by following the long-standing management style in addition to the fact that they lost competitiveness due to a long recession.

 

コメント

 

添削箇所はありません。

 

わかりやすい丁寧な英文ですね。文章の後半は次のようにすると少しパンチが効きます。

The prolonged recession has eroded their competitiveness and the long-established management style alone could not carry them over many deflation-related difficulties.

 

初級問題 144

 

半世紀前に始まった日本の南極観測が、中断のピンチを迎えている。老朽化した観測船「しらせ」の後継船の建造が、財政難を理由に見通しが立たないからだ。観測船のOBらは「仮に中断すれば、これまで培ってきた国際的信用を失う」と危機感を深めている。

 

読者からの添削 12(BURU, 23 February 16

 

The Antarctic research work of Japan, which started half century before, has been faced with the suspension. It needed to build a new ship because the current research ship, Shirase”, has become already old. But it could have not been making the schedule because of financial difficulties. Some ex-staffs of the research team have deeply concerned the issue. They told that “If we suspend our research, there is a possibility to lose our international trust which has been made for long term”

 

添削

 

The Antarctic research work of Japan, which started a half century ago before, has been is1 in danger of faced with the suspension. The research2 It neededs to build a new ship because the current research ship, Shirase, has become already old. But The government3 it can could have not been make a construction making the schedule because of is financial difficulties. Some ex-staffs of the research team have been deeply concerned with this the issue. They say, told that “If we suspend our research, there is a risk possibility to of losing lose our international trust which we have built up has been made for over a long time term”.”

 

コメント

 

内容の概略がわかります。But it could have not been making the schedule because of financial difficulties.のところは内容がわかりません。

 

1.       現在(この日本文が書かれた時)も続いている状況なので現在形で記述します。

 

2.       Itが何を指すのかはっきりしませんから、The researchと明記します。

 

3.       日本文ではこの文の主語が明示されていませんが、英文ではこのように明示します。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Antarctic research work of Japan, which started a half century ago, is in danger of  suspension. The research needs to build a new ship because the current research ship, Shirase, has become already old. But The government can not make a construction schedule because of is financial difficulties. Some ex-staff of the research team have been deeply concerned with this issue. They say, “If we suspend our research, there is a risk of losing our international trust which we have built up over a long time.”

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(Valley winds, 10 Feb 13

 

A Japanese expedition to Antarctica since a half century ago face a challenge. The prospect of making the next ship for the old expedition ship Shirase isn’t clear because of a financial difficulty. Old boys of the expedition ship say that if the expedition stop, we would lost international confidence.

 

添削

 

A Japanese expedition to Antarctica which started since a half century ago is now faceing a challenge. The prospect of making the next ship to replace for the old expedition ship Shirase isn’t clear because of a financial difficulty. Old boys of the expedition ship say that if the expedition stops now, Japan will lose we would lost its international confidence.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A Japanese expedition to Antarctica which started a half century ago is now facing a challenge. The prospect of making the next ship to replace the old expedition ship Shirase isn’t clear because of a financial difficulty. Old boys of the expedition say that if the expedition stops now, Japan will lose its international confidence.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(かい、16 March 11

 

Antarctic exploration of Japan having started for a half century is facing the pinch of it's interruption, because it is impossible to prospect the construction time for the subsequent ship of the aging ship “Shirase” on account of a financial difficulty. The retired are feeling a danger seriously, “If Japan interrupts the exploration, it will lose an international credibility constructed until now.”

 

添削

 

The1 Antarctic exploration of Japan having which2 started for a half century ago is now facing the a pinch of it's its interruption, because it is impossible to forecast prospect the construction time3 for of a new the subsequent exploration ship that will replace of the aging ship “Shirase” on account of a financial difficulty. The retired members of the Antarctic exploration4 are feeling a danger seriously concerned saying, “If Japan interrupts its the exploration, she it will lose the5 an international credibility that she had built up over the period constructed until now.”

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       関係代名詞以下で説明してある日本の南極観測ですから、初出(文章に初めて出てくる)でも定冠詞をつけます。

 

2.       関係代名詞節のほうがわかりやすいです。

 

3.       単にthe constructionでよいです。

 

4.       このような補足説明を入れないと誰のことかわかりません。

 

5.       「今まで積み上げてきた」信用なので定冠詞をつけます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Antarctic exploration of Japan which started for a half century ago is now facing a pinch of its interruption, because it is impossible to forecast the construction of a new exploration ship that will replace the aging ship “Shirase” on account of financial difficulty. The retired members of the Antarctic exploration are seriously concerned saying, “If Japan interrupts its  exploration, she will lose the international credibility that she had built up over the period .”

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(mxtomi, 27 December 09

 

Japan’s Antarctic observation which began half a century ago is now on the verge of interruption. The building of an observation ship to replace the aging “Shirase” is facing an uncertain future due to financial difficulties. Many of former members of an Antarctic expedition party are feeling an increasing sense of crisis, saying “If we discontinue the observation now, Japan will lose its international trust that took a long while to earn”.

 

添削

 

Japan’s Antarctic observation expedition which began half a century ago is now on the verge of interruption. The building of an observation ship to replace the aging “Shirase” is facing an uncertain future due to the current tight government budget financial difficulties1. Many of former members of an the Antarctic expedition partyies are feeling an increasing sense of crisis, saying, “If we discontinue the expedition observation now, Japan will lose its international trust that has taken took a long while to build earn”.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       (政府の)財政難のことなので添削のような説明がよいでしょう。結局、この観測船は建造されましたが。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japan’s Antarctic expedition which began half a century ago is now on the verge of interruption. The building of an observation ship to replace the aging “Shirase” is facing an uncertain future due to the current tight government budget. Many former members of the Antarctic expedition parties are feeling an increasing sense of crisis, saying, “If we discontinue the expedition now, Japan will lose its international trust that has taken a long while to build ”.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(kk, 21 July 08

 

A Japanese Antarctic Expedition started half a century ago and is now facing a crisis of suspension. A decrepit observation ship "Shirase" can't have a successor to be constructed because of financial difficulty. Former fellows involved with the Shirase are worrying that they would lost international long- standing reputation in case of suspension.

 

添削

 

A The1 Japanese Antarctic Expedition started half a century ago and but is now is facing a crisis of suspension. The A decrepit observation ship "Shirase" can't have a successor to be constructed because of the Japanese government’s current financial difficulty. The past members of the expedition Former fellows involved with the Shirase are worrying that Japan can lose its they would lost international long- standing reputation if Japan cannot continue in case of suspension its antarctic expedition1.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       大文字で固有名詞にしてあるので定冠詞になります。Japan started its antarctic expedition half a century ago.とすれば普通名詞になります。

 

2.       副詞句よりも従属節で説明したほうがわかりやすく、読んだときの(頭の中で)リズムがよくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Japanese Antarctic Expedition started half a century ago but now is facing a crisis of suspension. The decrepit observation ship "Shirase" can't have a successor to be constructed because of the Japanese government’s current financial difficulty. The past members of the expedition are worrying that Japan can lose its long- standing reputation if Japan cannot continue its antarctic expedition.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 19 July 08

 

The antarctic observation of Japan which started half a century ago may stop soon. This is because a present observation ship "Shirase" became decrepit and a new plan for replacing it has not admitted in the parliament yet as budgets have been tightened. People who were members of the observation are seriously worried and says that Japan will lose international credibility if we stop the observation now.

 

添削

 

The antarctic observation expedition1 of Japan, which started half a century ago, may have to stop soon. This is because a the present observation ship "Shirase" has becaome decrepit and but a new plan for replacing it with a new ship has not been accepted admitted in the parliament yet as government budgets have been tightened for the last several years. People who were the members of the past expeditions observation are seriously worried and says that Japan will lose its international credibility if we stop the expedition observation now.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       観測船で南極に行かれなくなる、という心配なのでここはan expeditionがよいでしょう。結局新しい観測船が建造されましたね。

 

添削後の文章

 

The antarctic expedition of Japan, which started half a century ago, may have to stop soon. This is because the present observation ship "Shirase" has become decrepit but a plan for replacing it with a new ship has not been accepted in the parliament yet as government budgets have been tightened for the last several years. People who were the members of the past expeditions  are seriously worried and say that Japan will lose its international credibility if we stop the expedition now.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、24 July 07

 

Japanese Antarctic exploration that started half a century ago faces the crisis of the interruption. This is because Japan can not have clear prospects on the construction of a new boat which will replace an aging observation boat, "Shirase" due to financial difficulties. Old boys who ever boarded the observation boat said "If Japan interrupted antarctic exploration, it would lose an international trust we have ever cultivated. " Also, they feel a sense of crisis regarding this matter.

 

添削

 

Japanese Japan’s1 Antarctic exploration expedition that started half a century ago is facesing a the crisis of the interruption. This is because  Due to financial difficulties2, Japan is not sure about can not have clear prospects on the construction of a new boat ship which will replace an the aging observation boat ship, "Shirase." due to financial difficulties. Former members of the expedition are concerned with the situation and say3, Old boys who ever boarded the observation boat said "If Japan interrupteds her antarcticAntarctic exploration expedition, it she will would lose an the international trust we she has built over years have ever cultivated. " Also, they feel a sense of crisis regarding this matter.

 

コメント

 

1.       The Japanese Antarctic expedition, Japan’s Antarctic expeditionの表現がありますが、後者のほうが国家的な事業ということがはっきりします。

 

2.       この理由を文頭にすると印象が強くなります。

 

3.       OBは添削のように説明するとよいでしょう。また「心配して、次のように言っている」という順序のほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japan’s Antarctic expedition that started half a century ago is facing a crisis of interruption.  Due to financial difficulties, Japan is not sure about the construction of a new ship which will replace the aging observation ship, "Shirase." Former members of the expedition are concerned with the situation and say, "If Japan interrupts her Antarctic expedition, she will lose the international trust she has built over years. 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、23 July 07

 

Antarctic research started half of century ago is facing a financial crisis which causes the abolishment of the research. The difficulty of building a new observation ship which will become the successor of the old observation ship "Shirase" includes the financial crisis. An old boy of a observation ship is getting more desperate to maintain an international reliance build up over many years if the research is stopped.

 

添削

 

Japan’s Antarctic research expedition that started half of century ago is now facing a financial crisis which can end causes the abolishment of the research expedition. The difficulty financial crisis1 is making it difficult to of building a new observation ship which will become the successor of the old observation ship "Shirase." includes the financial crisis. Former members of the expedition2 are concerned that An old boy of a observation ship is getting more desperate to maintaining Japan’s international reputation that has been an international reliance build built up over many years will be eroded if the research expedition is stopped3.

 

コメント

 

1.       前の文の内容とのつながりをよくするために、the financial crisisを主語にします。

 

2.       A old boys’ networkという表現もありますが、添削のようにすると内容がはっきりします。

 

3.       「観測船のOBらは仮に中断すれば、これまで培ってきた国際的信用を失うと危機感を深ている。」は「観測船のOBらは危機感を深めている」と「(観測隊の派遣を)中断すれば国際的信用を失う」の二つの小文に分割できます。要旨は「(日本の)国際的信用が落ちる」ですから、先ずはこの内容、Japan’s international reputation will be eroded. から英文を考えるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japan’s Antarctic expedition that started half of century ago is now facing a financial crisis which can end the expedition. The financial crisis is making it difficult to build a new observation ship which will become the successor of the old observation ship "Shirase."  Former members of the expedition are concerned that maintaining Japan’s international reputation that has been built up over many years will be eroded if the expedition is stopped.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(HANASAKI, 15 February 07

 

Japanese Antarctic Exploration for more than fifty years is in crisis of interruption. It is because that the prospect of building a new ship to take over from the aging expedition ship Shirase is gloomy due to the financial difficulties. The ex-crewmembers of the ship are strongly concerned that we will lose the international credibilities we have established if Japanese Antarctic Exploration is interrupted.

 

添削

 

Japanese Japan’s1 Aantarctic Eexploration for more than fifty years is in a crisis of interruption. It This2 is because that the prospect of building a new ship to take over from replace the aging expedition ship Shirase3 is gloomy due to the financial difficulties. The ex-crewmembers of the ship former members of the expedition4 are strongly concerned that we Japan will lose the its international credibilityies that she has we have established if Japanese Japan’s Aantarctic Eexploration is interrupted.

 

コメント

 

1.       国家事業として行ってきた南極観測、という意味でJapan’s antarctic explorationのほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       前の文の内容を受けているのでitではなくthisにします。

 

3.       老朽化した観測船「しらせ」、をthe aging expedition ship Shiraseと表現したのが簡潔でよいですね。

 

4.       「観測船のOB」は文章の内容から見て、観測船の船員ではなくて、観測船で南極に行った南極観測隊の隊員のことだとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japan’s antarctic exploration for more than fifty years is in a crisis of interruption. This is because the prospect of building a new ship to replace the aging expedition ship Shirase is gloomy due to the financial difficulties. The former members of the expedition are strongly concerned that Japan will lose its international credibility that she has established if Japan’s antarctic exploration is interrupted.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(KAPPA2004, 25 October 06

 

The Antarctic exploration by Japan that started in 25 years ago is facing in a pinch of suspension. It is why the building of new ship succeeding to an old explore ship “Shirase” is not realized due to the difficulty of finance. OBs of the Explore ship have deepened a sense of crisis; if it is suspended, we will lose an international trust we have cultivated. 

 

添削

 

The Antarctic exploration by Japan that started in 25 years ago is facing in a pinch of possible suspension. It is whyThis is because the building of a new ship succeeding replacing to an the old explore ship “Shirase”1 is not realized uncertain due to the the tight government budget difficulty of finance2. OBs of the Explore shipThose who were involved in the past expeditions by the Shirase3 have deepened feel a sense of crisis4. They are aftraid that ; if it Japan’s expedition to the Antarctic5 is suspended, we Japan will lose an its international trust reputation for the Antarctic exploration it has built over years6 we have cultivated. 

 

コメント

 

1.       building a new ship ~is uncertainと「新しい船を建造することは不確かだ」とします。the building of a new ship is not realized.とすると「新しい船の建造はまだ終わっていない。」となります。日本文の内容は前者でしょう。

 

2.       「財政難を理由に」は意味が曖昧ですが、国家財政の引き締めを理由に、ということなのでしょう。このほうが少し具体的になります。

 

3.       OBというのは日本語ですから、英語では添削のように説明するとよいでしょう。

 

4.       They have deepened a sense of crisis.deepen+目的語の他動詞ですから、「彼らは(世の中のこのことについての)危機感を深めた。」となります。ここは「かれらは危機感を持った。」という意味ですから添削のようにします。

 

5.       ここでは主語を日本にするとよいでしょう。

 

6.       このような補足説明をいれると内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Antarctic exploration by Japan that started 25 years ago is in a pinch of possible suspension. This is because building a new ship replacing the old explore ship “Shirase” is uncertain due to the tight government budget. Those who were involved in the past expeditions by the Shirase feel a sense of crisis. They are afraid that if Japan’s expedition to the Antarctic is suspended, Japan will lose its international reputation for the Antarctic exploration it has built over years. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(メイ、3 February 05

 

Japan's Antarctic exploration, which started almost 50 years ago, is now facing a possibility of disruption. The plan to replace the old and worn-out Antarctic exploration ship, the Shirase, with a new ship has been in limbo because of the tight government budget. Those who have been involved in the exploration are concerned that Japan could lose it international standing if Japan disrupts its Antarctic exploration.

 

添削

 

Japan's Antarctic exploration, which started almost 50 years ago, is now facing a the possibility of disruption. The plan to replace the old and worn-out Antarctic exploration ship, the Shirase, with a new ship has been in limbo because of the a tight government budget. Those who have been involved in the exploration are concerned that Japan could lose its international standing1 if Japan disrupts its Antarctic exploration.

 

コメント

 

1.       「これまで培ってきた国際的信用を失う」を簡単にJapan could lose its international standing と表現しているのがよいですね。international standingのなかには「これまでに築いてきた信用」が含意されています。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japan's Antarctic exploration, which started almost 50 years ago, is now facing the possibility of disruption. The plan to replace the old and worn-out Antarctic exploration ship, the Shirase, with a new ship has been in limbo because of a tight government budget. Those who have been involved in the exploration are concerned that Japan could lose its international standing if Japan disrupts its Antarctic exploration.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、24 Nov 04

 

The antarctic exploration by Japan, which began half a century ago, is at a risk of being suspended. This is because the building of an exploration ship to replace "Shirase," which is now old and obsolete, does not yet seem possible due to lack of funds. The former members of the crew of the ship are feeling a great sense of crisis by saying, "If the exploration should be suspended, Japan will lose its long-standing confidence in the international community.

 

添削

 

The antarcticAntarctic exploration by Japan, which began half a century ago, is at a risk of being suspended. This is because the building of an a new1 exploration ship to replace the "Shirase," which that has now become2 is now old and obsolete, does not yet seem to be possible due to lack of funds. The former members of the crew of the ship are feeling a great sense of crisis by saying, "If the exploration should be suspended, Japan will lose its long-standing confidence gained3 in the international community.

 

コメント

 

1.       a new exploration shipとすると意味がはっきりします。

 

2.       現在完了形にしたほうが時間の経過の結果、こうなったとなって意味が強くなります。

 

3.       lose confidence in Aでは、Aに対する信頼をなくした、で意味が逆になってしまいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Antarctic exploration by Japan, which began half a century ago, is at a risk of being suspended. This is because the building of a new exploration ship to replace the "Shirase" that has now become old and obsolete, does not yet seem to be possible due to lack of funds. The former members of the crew are feeling a great sense of crisis by saying, "If the exploration should be suspended, Japan will lose its long-standing confidence gained in the international community.

 

 

初級問題 145

 

札幌狸小路商店街振興組合は一丁目から七丁目までの約一キロ区間に、夜間でも人相や車両ナンバーが識別できる高性能カメラ十四台を設置した。画像は光ファイバーケーブルを通じて商店街内の制御室に集約され原則として二日間保存。常時監視はせず事件事故発生時に限り再生、閲覧すると定めている。画像は理事会の承認を経て警察などに提供する。

 

読者からの投稿 11(BURU, 28 February 16

 

The Sapporo Tanuki Koji shopping street association set up fourteen high-end CCTV cameras between 1 Chome and 7 Chome about 1km distance. This high-end camera can distinguish a car license plate number and a human face at the night. A record will be sent through a fiber-optic cable to a control center where is built somewhere in the shopping street. The video shall be kept the control center at least 2 days. According to the regulation, the association will not always monitor the street. Only they use the video record in case something happen at the area. They can submit the video record to Police or other authorities after getting approval of the board meeting.

 

添削

 

The Sapporo Tanuki Koji sShopping sStreet Aassociation set up fourteen high-end quality CCTV cameras along the street for about one kilometer distance between 1 Chome and 7 Chome about 1km distance. This high-end quality camera can distinguish a car license plate number and a human face at the night. An image record will be sent through a fiber-optic cable to a control center that where is built somewhere in the shopping street. The video will shall be kept at the control center at least 2 days. According to the regulation, the association will not always monitor the street by the cameras. Only tThey will only watch use the video record in case something happens in at the area. They can submit the video record to Ppolice or other authorities only after getting approval of its the board of directors meeting.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてが推測できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Sapporo Tanuki Koji Shopping Street Association set up fourteen high-quality CCTV cameras along the street for about one kilometer distance between 1 Chome and 7 Chome. This high-quality camera can distinguish a car license plate number and a human face at night. An image will be sent through a fiber-optic cable to a control center that is built somewhere in the shopping street. The video will be kept at the control center at least 2 days. According to the regulation, the association will not always monitor the street by the cameras. They will only watch the video record in case something happens in the area. They can submit the video record to police or other authorities only after getting approval of its board of directors .

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 10 February 13

 

Promoting Association for Sapporo Tanuki Shopping Arcade placed fourteen high-end cameras along the 1km section from 1 Cho-me to 7 Cho-me. The image are provided to the police with an approve by the board of directors. This cameras can identify looks and a number of a car at night. According to their rules, images of these cameras are gathered into a control room in the shopping arcade through optical fiber cable and kept for two days basically. They don’t watch anytime and if an incident and an accident happen, they play and see them restrictively.

 

添削

 

The Promoting Association of for Sapporo Tanuki Shopping Arcade placed fourteen high-end quality digital movie cameras along the one kilometer1km section of its arcade from 1 Cho-me to 7 Cho-me. The images from the cameras are provided to the police when with an approved by the board of directors of the association. These This cameras can identify faces looks and a number plates of automobiles even a car at night. According to their rules, the images from of these cameras are sent to gathered into a control room in the shopping arcade through the optical fiber cable and kept for two days basically. People in the control room They do not always don’t watch the images. They only watch them anytime and if when an incident or and an accident happens, they play and see them restrictively1.

 

コメント

 

最後の文が分かり難いですが、文章全体の内容は推測できます。

 

1.       ここは添削のように二つの文に分けるとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Promoting Association of Sapporo Tanuki Shopping Arcade placed fourteen high-quality digital movie cameras along the one kilometer section of its arcade from 1 Cho-me to 7 Cho-me. The images from the cameras are provided to the police when approved by the board of directors of the association. These cameras can identify faces and number plates of automobiles even at night. According to their rules, the images from these cameras are sent to a control room in the shopping arcade through the optical fiber cable and kept for two days . People in the control room do not always watch the images. They only watch them  when an incident or accident happens.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(かい、17 March 11

 

The promotion union of Sapporo Tanuki-koji shopping street installed 14 high performance cameras within nearly 1km from 1st to 7st that could detect apperances and car's licence plate numbers even at night. They establish the guideline that the cameras assemble images through fiber optic cables to a control room of the street and save them for 2 days in principle, but the cameras don't always monitor, and they play back and brouse only if cases or accidents occur. They provide images to police offices and others after the board meeting approve.

 

添削

 

The Business Association1 promotion union of Sapporo Tanuki-koji sShopping sStreet installed 14 high performance video cameras along the street for within nearly 1 km from the first to seventh 1st to 7st street. Those2 video cameras that could recognize detect faces apperances and car's licence license plate numbers even at night. They3 The association has established the guideline that the cameras send assemble images through fiber optic cables to a control room of the street and save them for two 2 days in principle, but But people at the association4 the cameras don't always monitor images., and tThey play them back and brouse only when if cases or some accidents occur. Then, the association They provides the images to the police offices and others after the board of the association meeting approves.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかります。

 

1.       このような団体はThe Business Association of ~とするが多いです。固有名詞になります。

 

2.       ここから新しい文にしたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

3.       文章にいろいろなものがでてくるので、混乱を避けるために代名詞ではなく、すでに文章に出ている名称を使います。

 

4.       「常時監視はせず事件事故発生時に限り再生、閲覧すると定めている。」監視カメラは常時録画しているが、これらを誰かが制御室で常時見てはいない。事故発生の時だけ、録画してあるものを再生して見る。ということだとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Business Association of Sapporo Tanuki-koji Shopping Street installed 14 high performance video cameras along the street for nearly 1 km from the first to seventh street. Those video cameras could recognize faces and cars’ license plate numbers even at night. The association has established the guideline that the cameras send images through fiber optic cables to a control room of the street and save them for two days in principle. But people at the association don't always monitor images. They play them back only when   some accidents occur. Then, the association provides the images to the police after the board of the association approves.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 27 December 09

 

The Association of Tanuki-koji Shopping District in Sapporo City installed fourteen high-performance cameras capable of recognizing even at night people’s faces and vehicles’ license number plates along the Tanuki-koji street for about one kilometer from 1-chome to 7-chome. The picture images taken are transmitted via optical fiber cable to the control room in the shopping mall, where they are retained in principle for two days. Their internal procedure says that those images are not always monitored but are replayed for review only when something unusual happened. Upon approval by the association’s executive board, the images will be submitted to the police or other authorities concerned, if so requested.

 

添削

 

The Association of Tanuki-koji Shopping District in Sapporo City installed fourteen high-performance video cameras capable of recognizing even at night people’s faces and vehicles’ license number plates even at night along the Tanuki-koji street for about one kilometer from 1-chome to 7-chome. The picture images taken by these video cameras are transmitted via an optical fiber cable to the control room in the shopping mall, where they are retained in principle for two days. The association Their internal procedure says that those images are not always monitored but are replayed for review only when something unusual happeneds. Upon approval by the association’s executive board, the images will be submitted to the police or other authorities concerned, if so requested.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Association of Tanuki-koji Shopping District in Sapporo City installed fourteen high-performance video cameras capable of recognizing people’s faces and vehicles’ license number plates even at night along the Tanuki-koji street for about one kilometer from 1-chome to 7-chome. The picture images taken by these video cameras are transmitted via an optical fiber cable to the control room in the shopping mall, where they are retained in principle for two days. The association says that those images are not always monitored but are replayed for review only when something unusual happens. Upon approval by the association’s executive board, the images will be submitted to the police or other authorities concerned, if so requested.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 21 July 08

 

 

The Sapporo Tanukikoji Shopping Street installed fourteen high-performance video cameras over about one kilometer stretch from 1-chome to 7-chome. This type of video cameras can recognize persons' faces and car plate numbers even in the night-time. The images from the video cameras are sent to the control center through fiber-optic cable and stored in two days as a rule. The rule sets down that the images are not monitored constantly but rather replayed and inspected only when an accident happens. The images can be offered to the authorities such as the police after approval of the board.

 

添削

 

The Sapporo Tanukikoji Shopping Street installed fourteen high-performance video cameras over about one kilometer stretch from 1-chome to 7-chome. This type of video cameras can recognize persons' faces and car number plates numbers even at night in the night-time. The images from the video cameras are sent to the control center through the fiber-optic cable and stored there for in two days as a rule. The rule sets says down that the images are not monitored constantly but rather replayed and inspected only when an accident happens. The images can be offered to the authorities such as the police after approval of the board of the association approves it.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       正確にはthe numbers of car number platesですが、car number platesでこのプレート上の登録番号とわかります。車の登録番号の様式は国により(北米では州により)ことなり、私の住むアルバータ州ではABC-123というような形式です。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Sapporo Tanukikoji Shopping Street installed fourteen high-performance video cameras over about one kilometer stretch from 1-chome to 7-chome. This type of video camera can recognize persons' faces and car number plates even at night. The images from the video cameras are sent to the control center through the fiber-optic cable and stored there for  two days as a rule. The rule says that the images are not monitored constantly but rather replayed and inspected only when an accident happens. The images can be offered to the authorities such as the police after the board of the association approves it.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 21 July 08

 

The owners' association of Tanuki-koji shopping area in Sapporo installs fourteen high performance cameras along the street of the shopping area about one kilometer in length from Icchome district to Nanachome district. These cameras can identify faces and car registration plates even at night. The pictures are sent through optical fiber and preserve for two days in principle at a control room in the shopping area. Members of the association check these pictures only when accidents happen. These pictures will be given to the police just after the administration board of the association permit the offer.

 

添削

 

The Shop oOwners' aAssociation of Tanuki-koji sShopping Street1 area in Sapporo has installsed2 fourteen high- performance video cameras along the street for of the shopping area about one kilometer in length from the first Icchome2 district to seventh Nanachome district. These cameras can recognize identify human faces and car registration plates even at night. The pictures are sent through the optical fiber to a control center and preserved for two days in principle at a control room in the shopping area. The Mmembers of the association check these pictures only when accidents happen. These pictures will be given to the police, if necessary, just after the administration board of the association permits the offer its presentation to the police.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       英語の正式名はわかりませんが、商店街とあるのである道路沿いなのでしょう。

 

2.       英語を日常使う人を読者に想定していますから、icchomeよりthe first districtがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Shop Owners' Association of Tanuki-koji Shopping Stree in Sapporo has installed fourteen high-performance video cameras along the street for about one kilometer in length from the first district to seventh district. These cameras can recognize human faces and car registration plates even at night. The pictures are sent through the optical fiber to a control center and preserved for two days in principle. The members of the association check these pictures only when accidents happen. These pictures will be given to the police, if necessary,  after the board of the association permits its presentation to the police.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、24 July 07

 

The Tanuki-kouji mall union in Sapporo established 14 powerful cameras which can distinguish people's faces and number of cars in the nighttime in about one kilo meter of area between the first block and the seventh block. The pictures are sent to the control room in the mall through optical fiber cables and reserved for two days in principle. It is decided to reproduce and watch the pictures as far as incidents or accidents occurred without always monitoring the pictures. Only pictures the board meeting approved are submited to police.

 

添削

 

The Association of Tanuki-kouji Shopping mMall union in Sapporo established installed 14 powerful video cameras which can distinguish recognize1 people's faces and the number plates of cars even in the nighttime in about along one kilo meter of area the shopping mall between the first block and the seventh block. The pictures are sent to the control room in the mall through optical fiber cables and reserved kept for two days in principle. It is was decided that the Association did not always monitor the pictures but to reproduce replay and watch them only when and watch the pictures as far as incidents or accidents occurred without always monitoring the pictures2. The Association Only pictures the board meeting approved are would submited the pictures to police when it is approved by the board of the Association3.

 

コメント

 

1.       distinguish A from B A をBと区別する、ですからrecognize A Aを認識する、がよいでしょう。

 

2.       いつも監視はせず、事故が起きたときだけ再生、閲覧する、という順序のほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

3.       Only pictures the board approve will be sent to police.とすると、理事会が選択した画像だけ警察に送る、ですが、事故の一部始終が移った画像を全部送る、としたほうがよいようにおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Association of Tanuki-kouji Shopping Mall in Sapporo installed 14 powerful video cameras which can recognize people's faces and the number plates of cars even in the nighttime along one kilometer of the shopping mall between the first block and the seventh block. The pictures are sent to the control room in the mall through optical fiber cables and kept for two days in principle. It was decided that the Association did not always monitor the pictures but to replay and watch them only when incidents or accidents occurred. The Association would submit the pictures to police when it is approved by the board of the Association.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(HANASAKI, 15 February 07

 

The Tanuki-koji Shopping District Promotional Association in Sapporo city set up fourteen highly efficient video cameras which can distinguish facial appearances and car number plates even at night They are set up for one kilometer of the street  from the first to the seventh block. The images are gathered at the central control room of the association throuh the optical fiber and are saved for two days in principal. They set regulations not to monitor the images regularly but to playback and check them only when incidents and accidents happen. They offer the images to the police with an approval of the board.

 

添削

 

The Tanuki-koji Shopping District Promotional Association1 in Sapporo cCity has set up fourteen highly efficient video cameras along one kilometer of the street from the first to the seventh block2. which The video cameras can distinguish human faces facial appearances and car number plates even at night. They are set up for one kilometer of the street  from the first to the seventh block. The images taken by the video cameras3 are gathered at the central control room of the association throuhthrough the optical fiber and are saved for two days in principal. They The association4 set regulations not to monitor the images regularly but to playback and check them only when incidents and accidents happen. They The association may offer the images to the police with an approval of the its board.

 

コメント

 

1.       名称の場合はpromotional associationではなくpromotion associationという表現が一般的です。

 

2.       set up camerasとあるので、では何処に?という疑問に答えるために設置場所を次に書くのがよいでしょう。

 

3.       the imagesはビデオカメラで撮影したイメージと想像できますが、the imagesが文で初めて出てくるので添削のような説明があるとよいでしょう。

 

4.       the associationとしたほうが対象がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Tanuki-koji Shopping District Promotion Association in Sapporo City has set up fourteen highly efficient video cameras along one kilometer of the street from the first to the seventh block. The video cameras can distinguish human faces and car number plates even at night.   The images taken by the video cameras are gathered at the central control room of the association through the optical fiber and are saved for two days in principal. The association set regulations not to monitor the images regularly but to playback and check them only when incidents and accidents happen. The association may offer the images to the police with an approval of its board.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(KAPPA2004, 26 October 06

 

Development Association of Sapporo Tanuki Shopping Promenade installed fourteen sets of high performance cameras that can recognize features and vehicle numbers at night in the zone of approx one kilometer from 1-Chome to 7-Chome. 

 

The images data is aggregated in a control room in the Shopping Promenade through optical fiber cable and is saved for two days in principle. It is not always monitored but reproduced and reviewed only when the accident happens. The image data is provided with polices or others with approval of the committee.

 

添削

 

The Development and Promotion Association1 of Sapporo Tanuki Shopping Promenade installed fourteen sets of high performance video2 cameras along the street of approximately one kilometer from 1-Chome to 7 Chome3. The cameras can recognize faces that can recognize features and vehicle numbers plates even at night in the zone of approx one kilometer from 1-Chome to 7-Chome. 

 

The images from the video cameras4 data is are aggregated sent to5 in a control room in the Shopping Promenade through an optical fiber cable and is are saved for two days in principle. It The images are is not constantly always monitored but reproduced and reviewed only when the an accident happens. The images data can be is provided with to the polices6 or others only with approval of the committee board of the association.

 

コメント

 

1.       振興組合の定訳はありませんが、the development and promotion associationはどうでしょうか。

 

2.       多分、ビデオカメラの映像を制御室のモニターで監視していて、これをビデオテープに録画する、というシステムでしょう。

 

3.       読者は文中のビデオカメラのすぐ次にどこに設置したか知りたいので、ここに設置場所を持ってきたほうがよいでしょう。in the zone of approximately one kilometerとすると、the zoneは地域ですから広さ、one kilometerは長さの単位なので、along the streetとします。このような文の構造にすると投稿のように関係代名詞が使えないので、添削のように新しい文にします。

 

4.       the imagesだけでも文章からビデオカメラで写したイメージとわかりますが、添削のようにすると内容がはっきりして読者に親切です。

 

5.       aggregateは部分を集めて全体を作る、集計する、という意味なので、ここでは簡単にthe images are sent to ~でよいでしょう。

 

6.       組織としての警察は定冠詞をつけてthe policeと表現します。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Development and Promotion Association of Sapporo Tanuki Shopping Promenade installed fourteen sets of high performance video cameras along the street of approximately one kilometer from 1-Chome to 7 Chome. The cameras can recognize faces and vehicle number plates even at night. 

 

The images from the video cameras are sent to a control room in the Shopping Promenade through an optical fiber cable and are saved for two days in principle. The images are not constantly monitored but reproduced and reviewed when an accident happens. The images  can be provided to the police or others only with approval of the board of the association.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(メイ、5 February 05

 

The Association of Sapporo Tanukikoji Shopping District has installed 14 high-powered video cameras between the first and seventh street in the district. The cameras can send pictures that are clear enough to recognize human faces and automobile plate number even at night to the control centre through the optical fiver. The pictures are stored for two days but can be watched only when there is any accident. The pictures can be sent to police only when it is approved by the board of the Association.

 

添削

 

The Association of Sapporo Tanukikoji Shopping District has installed 14 fourteen high-powered video cameras between the first and seventh street in the district. The cameras can send pictures to the control centre1 that are clear enough to recognize human faces and automobile plate numbers even at night2 to the control centre throughvia the optical fiverfiber. The pictures are stored for two days but can be watched accessed3 only when there is any an accident. The pictures can only be sent to police only when it is approved by the board of the Association.

 

コメント

 

1.       send A to Bという構文があるので、ここでは日本文でto Bに当たるものをAのすぐ後に置いたほうが文がわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       日本文を二つの英文に分けて表現したのがよいですね。

 

3.       can be watchedとすると技術的にある場合だけ見ることが出来る、という意味にもとれるのでcan be accessedとするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Association of Sapporo Tanukikoji Shopping District has installed fourteen high-powered video cameras between the first and seventh street in the district. The cameras can send pictures to the control centre that are clear enough to recognize human faces and automobile plate numbers even at night via optical fiber. The pictures are stored for two days but can be accessed when there is an accident. The pictures can only be sent to police when it is approved by the board of the Association.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、28 Nov 04

 

The Sapporo Tanukikoji Shopping Street Association for Promotion of Business has installed 14 high-definition cameras that can identify people's faces or the numbers on the license plate of cars even at night in the section about 1 kilometer long between 1-chome and 7-chome. Images taken by the cameras are all sent to the control room in the shopping street through fiber optics cables and are basically stored for 2 days. The area is not necessarily monitored 24 hours a day and it is decided that the recordings by the cameras are played for review only at a time of accidents or happenings of criminal cases. Images are submitted to the police with the approval of the board of directors.

 

添削

 

The Sapporo Tanukikoji Shopping Street Association for Promotion of Business has installed 14 fourteen1 high-definition cameras along about one kilometer section of the street between one-chome and seven-chome. The cameras can take images2 that can identify people's human faces or and the numbers on the license plate of cars automobiles even at night in the section about 1 kilometer long between 1-chome and 7-chome. The Iimages taken by the cameras are all sent to the control room in the shopping street through via optical fiber optics cables and are basically stored for 2 two days. The area images3 are is not necessarily monitored 24 twenty-four hours a day and but it is decided that the recordings by the cameras are only played back for review onlywhen at a time of accidents or happenings of criminal cases happen. Then the Iimages are submitted to the police with the approval of the board of directors.

 

コメント

 

1.       小さい数字が文の中にあるときには、一般的には英単語で書いたほうが文見ためのバランスがよくなります。

 

2.       ここで文を切ったほうがわかりやすいでしょう。前半はカメラの設置、後半はカメラの映像の性能、と二つの内容があります。

 

3.       「常時監視はせず」は多分次のようなことだとおもいます。カメラは毎日自動的に記録しているが、この映像は事故発生のときだけに見る。他の監視カメラもこのように使われているようです。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Sapporo Tanukikoji Shopping Street Association for Promotion of Business has installed fourteen high-definition cameras along about one kilometer section of the street between one-chome and seven-chome. The cameras can take images that can identify human faces and the numbers on the license plate of automobiles even at night. The images taken by the cameras are all sent to the control room in the shopping street via optical fiber and are basically stored for two days. The images are not necessarily monitored twenty-four hours a day but are only played back for review when accidents or cases happen. Then the images are submitted to the police with the approval of the board of directors.

 

 

初級問題 146

 

ミネラルウオーターが日本社会にも定着してきた。消費は増え続けており、製造会社は全国約230にも上っている。しかし、五百ミリリットル入りのペットボトルは百円以上と、遠い中東などで原油を買って運び、製造したガソリンの二倍の高価格だ。ミネラルウオーターの製造費のうち最も高くつくのはペットボトルの容器代。五百ミリリットルの場合、一本20−30円。ラベル、キャップ、輸送用の段ボール箱、充てん作業費まで含めると、一本40−50円になる。

 

読者からの投稿 11(BURU, 1 March 16

 

A bottle of mineral water has taken hold of Japanese society. The volume of consumption has been increasing constantly. There are about two hundreds thirty manufacturers across the country. But the cost of five hundreds milliliter bottle of water is over hundred yen. It is twice the cost of refined gasoline which purchased and delivered from Middle East. The plastic bottle accounts for the highest proportion of manufacturing cost. It is between twenty and thirty yen for a five hundreds milliliter bottle. If the cost is included label, cap, cardboard for shipment and the operation cost for filling water, it becomes between forty and fifty yen per bottle.

 

添削

 

A bottle of mineral water has taken hold of Japanese society. The volume of consumption has been increasing constantly. There are about two hundreds thirty manufacturers across the country. But the cost of a five hundreds milliliter bottle for of mineral water is over one hundred yen. It is twice as much as the cost of the same amount of refined gasoline of which oil is purchased and delivered from the Middle East. The plastic bottle accounts for the highest largest proportion part of manufacturing cost. The cost of a plastic bottle It is between twenty and thirty yen for a five hundreds milliliter bottle. If the cost is includeds a label, a cap, a cardboard for shipment and the operation cost for filling water, it the total cost becomes between forty and fifty yen per bottle.

 

コメント

 

内容の大部分がわかります。It is twice the cost of refined gasoline which purchased and delivered from Middle East.の部分がわかりません。添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

 

1.       この代名詞itと次の文の主語の代名詞itが何を指すのかはっきりしません。代名詞を使わずに具体的なものを記述します。

 

添削後の文章

 

A bottle of mineral water has taken hold of Japanese society. The volume of consumption has been increasing constantly. There are about two hundred thirty manufacturers across the country. But the cost of a five hundred milliliter bottle for mineral water is over one hundred yen. It is twice as much as the cost of the same amount of refined gasoline of which oil is purchased and delivered from the Middle East. The plastic bottle accounts for the largest part of manufacturing cost. The cost of a plastic bottle is between twenty and thirty yen for a five hundreds milliliter bottle. If the cost includes a label, a cap, a cardboard for shipment and the operation cost for filling water, the total cost becomes between forty and fifty yen per bottle.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 10 Feb 13

 

Mineral water is gradually taking root in Japan. The amount of mineral water’s consumption has increased and the number of manufacturer reaches about 230 nationally. However, the price of a PET bottle with 500ml water is over 100 yen as twice as gasoline. Gasoline is bought as crude oil in Middle East, shipped and produced. The highest cost in production cost for mineral water is the expense of the bottle, 20-30 yen par one bottle. Adding a label, a cap, corrugated box for shipping and the expense of boxing, it is 40-50 yen par one bottle.

 

添削

 

Mineral water is gradually taking root in Japan. The amount of mineral water’s consumption has been increaseding and the number of manufacturer reachesd to about 230 nationally. However, the price of a PET bottle with 500ml water, is over 100 yen, or as twice as expensive as that of the same amount of gasoline gasoline. even though Ggasoline is produced from bought as crude oil shipped from in the Middle East, shipped and produced. The highest cost in the production cost for mineral water is that the expense of the bottle;, 20-30 yen par one bottle. Adding a label, a cap, a corrugated box for shipping and the expense of boxing them, the cost becomes it is 40-50 yen par one bottle without mineral water.

 

コメント

 

内容のほとんどがわかりますが、最後の文は添削のようにwithout mineral waterを入れて、これはペットボトルだけの費用だとはっきりさせるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Mineral water is gradually taking root in Japan. The amount of mineral water’s consumption has been increasing and the number of manufacturer reached to about 230 nationally. However, the price of a PET bottle with 500ml water, is over 100 yen, or twice as expensive as that of the same amount of gasoline even though gasoline is produced from crude oil shipped from the Middle East. The highest cost in the production cost for mineral water is that of the bottle; 20-30 yen par one bottle. Adding a label, a cap, a corrugated box for shipping and the expense of boxing them, the cost becomes 40-50 yen par one bottle without mineral water.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(かい、21 March 11

 

Mineral water has been popular in Japanese society. The amount of consumption of the water is continuing to increase, and the number of the water manufacture reaches about 230 nationwide. However, the price of a 500-milliliter bottle water is more than 100 yen and is twice times as high as gasoline made from crude oil that was bought, carried from middlie east by Japanese companies . Of the cost of those production, the highest is a bottle. The cost of a case is simply 20 to 30 yen for each 500-milliliter, but that increases 40 to 50 yen if manufacture includes a label, a cap, a cardboard for transport and a cost of packing in a cost.

 

添削

 

Mineral water has been become popular in Japanese society. The amount of consumption of mineral the water is continuing to increaseing, and the number of the mineral water bottlers manufacture has reachesd about 230 nationwide. However, the price of a 500-milliliter bottle water is more than 100 yen and is twice times as expensive high as the same amount of gasoline made from crude oil imported1 that was bought, carried from the Middle middlie eEast by Japanese companies . Of the cost of mineral water those production, the largest component highest is a bottle. The cost of a case bottle itself is just simply 20 to 30 yen for each 500-milliliter,. bBut that increases to 40 to 50 yen when2 if the cost of manufacture includes a label, a cap, a cardboard for transport and the a cost of packing the bottles in to a case are included in a cost.

 

コメント

 

ほぼ全部がわかりますが、最後の文が分かり難いです。

 

1.       日本文の内容をとってimported from the Middle Eastとするだけでよいでしょう。

 

2.       ラベルもキャップも必要なのでifではなくてwhenにします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Mineral water has become popular in Japan. The amount of consumption of mineral water is  increasing and the number of mineral water bottlers has reached 230 nationwide. However, the price of a 500-milliliter bottle water is more than 100 yen and is twice as expensive as the same amount of gasoline made from crude oil imported from the Middle East. Of the cost of mineral water, the largest component is a bottle. The cost of a bottle itself is just 20 to 30 yen . But that increases to 40 to 50 yen when the cost of a label, a cap, a cardboard for transport and the cost of packing the bottles in to a case are included .

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 12 January 10

 

Bottled mineral water has been taking root in Japanese life. As many as 230 manufacturing companies across the country are vying for big share of ever-increasing demand of the bottled water. The mineral water in 500 milliliter bottle is priced at more than 100 yen, twice as much as the same quantity of gasoline that is refined from crude oil transported all the way from the Middle East. A container cost for plastic bottles represents the largest component of the manufacturing cost of the bottled water. For a 500 milliliter bottle, the container cost amounts to 20 to 30 yen. If costs for the label, cap, carton box for transport, and filling and packaging are included, it will go up to as much as 40 to 50 yen.

 

添削

 

Bottled mineral water has been taking root in Japanese life. As many as 230 manufacturing companies across the country are vying for a bigger share of the ever-increasing demand of for the bottled water1. The mMineral water2 in a 500 milliliter bottle is priced at more than 100 yen, twice as much as the same quantity of gasoline that is refined from crude oil transported all the way from the Middle East. A container cost for The plastic bottles3 represents the largest component of the manufacturing cost of the bottled water. For a A 500 milliliter bottle4, the container cost amounts to costs 20 to 30 yen. If the costs for a the label, cap, carton box for transport, and filling water into a bottle and packaging them into a carton box are included, then the cost of one bottled water it will goes up to as much as 40 to 50 yen.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますがa container cost for plastic bottlesがわかりません。「ペットボトルの容器」はペットボトルそのもものことだとおもいます。文章全体は読みやすい表現で構成されています。

 

1.       a bigger share of the increasing demand for bottled waterの冠詞はa shareわ加算名詞、bottled waterはこういう種類の水全体を指す物質名詞、the increasing demandbottled waterに対する需要なので定冠詞となります。冠詞は難しいですね。私にとっての冠詞の使い方の一応の目安は拙書に書いておきました、何が一般的で(不定冠詞)何が個別的(定冠詞)なのかは文脈と文章を書く人の視点で変わってきます。私の友人で英語社会で長く生活している日本人が集まった時の雑談で、「自分で新しい文法の英語を作るとしたらどうする?」という質問に「冠詞の無い英語」という答えが一番多かったです。

 

2.       mineral water一般なので物質名詞は冠詞無し。

 

3.       既に文中で話しているミネラルウオーターのボトルなので、初出でも定冠詞。

 

4.       500ミリリッターのボトル一般についてなので不定冠詞。

 

添削後の文章

 

Bottled mineral water has been taking root in Japanese life. As many as 230 manufacturing companies across the country are vying for a bigger share of the ever-increasing demand for bottled water. Mineral water in a 500 milliliter bottle is priced at more than 100 yen, twice as much as the same quantity of gasoline that is refined from crude oil transported all the way from the Middle East. The plastic bottle represents the largest component of the manufacturing cost of the bottled water. A 500 milliliter bottle costs 20 to 30 yen. If the costs for a label, cap, carton box for transport, and filling water into a bottle and packaging them into a carton box are included, then the cost of one bottled water goes up to as much as 40 to 50 yen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 24 July 08

 

PET bottles of mineral water have becoming popular among the Japanese society. The consumption of mineral water has been increasing and the number of its manufacturers rises to around 230. In fact, a PET bottle of 500 milliliter mineral water costs 100 yen and over, twice as expensive as gasoline which crude oil is carried further from the Middle East and refined into in Japan. One of the most expensive manufacturing costs is a cost of its container of a PET bottle. For example, a PET bottle of 500 milliliter mineral water costs 20 yen to 30 yen. Including its label, its cap, a cardboard box for transportation, and costs for filling procedure, its cost amounts 40 yen to 50 yen in itself.

 

添削

 

PET bottles of mMineral water in the PET bottle1 is have becoming popular in Japan among the Japanese society. The consumption of mineral water has been increasing and the number of its manufacturers reached rises to around 230. In fact, a A PET bottle of 500 milliliter mineral water costs 100 yen and over, twice as expensive as the same amount of gasoline which is made from crude oil is carried further from the Middle East and refined into in Japan. One of tThe most expensive manufacturing costs of mineral water in the PET bottle is the a cost of its container of a the PET bottle. For example, a PET bottle of 500 milliliter mineral water costs 20 yen to 30 yen. Including its label, its2 cap, a cardboard box for transportation, and labor costs for filling the box with PET bottles procedure, its total cost amounts 40 yen to 50 yen in itself.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       ペットボトルにミネラルウオーターはmineral water in the PET bottleになります。

 

2.       its label, its cap, ~its label, cap, ~ と省略できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Mineral water in the PET bottle is becoming popular in Japan. The consumption of mineral water has been increasing and the number of its manufacturers reached around 230. A PET bottle of 500 milliliter mineral water costs 100 yen and over, twice as expensive as the same amount of gasoline which is made from crude oil carried from the Middle East to Japan. The most expensive manufacturing cost of mineral water in the PET bottle is the cost of the PET bottle. For example, a PET bottle of 500 milliliter mineral water costs 20 yen to 30 yen. Including its label, cap, a cardboard box for transportation, and labor costs for filling the box with PET bottles, its total cost amounts 40 yen to 50 yen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 22 July 08

 

Mineral water has popular usage in Japan now. The amount of consumption is getting larger and there are about 230 bottling makers nationwide. But the price of a 500 ml bottle of mineral water is more than 100 yen, which is twice as much as the same amount of gasoline even though it is made from crude oil imported from Middle East and other foreign countries far from Japan. As for the manufacturing cost, the most expensive factor is a bottle. For example, the cost of a 500 ml bottle itself reaches from 20 to 30 yen. The total amount of cost of a 500 ml bottle reaches from 40 to 50 yen adding the costs of label, cap, cardboard box for transportation and labor for filling.

 

添削

 

Mineral water has is popular usage in Japan now. The amount of consumption is getting larger and larger and there are about 230 mineral water bottling companies makers nationwide. But1 tThe price of a 500 ml milliliter bottle of mineral water is more higher than 100 yen, which is twice as much as the same amount of gasoline even though it gasoline is made from crude oil imported from the Middle East and other foreign countries far away from Japan. As for the manufacturing cost, the most expensive factor is a bottle. For example, the cost of a 500 milliliter ml bottle itself reaches is between from 20 and to 30 yen. The total amount of cost of a 500 milliliter ml bottle reaches is between from 40 and to 50 yen when we adding the costs of label, cap, cardboard box for transportation, and labor for filling bottles into the cardboard box.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       butは前の文と反対の内容を記述するときに使います。ここでは五百ミリリットル入りのペットボトルは百円以上ということは既に文章で述べた内容と相反しませんから、butは使えません。

 

添削後の文章

 

Mineral water is popular in Japan now. The amount of consumption is getting larger and larger and there are about 230 mineral water bottling companies nationwide. The price of a 500 milliliter bottle of mineral water is higher than 100 yen, which is twice as much as the same amount of gasoline even though gasoline is made from crude oil imported from the Middle East and other foreign countries far away from Japan. As for the manufacturing cost, the most expensive factor is a bottle. For example, the cost of a 500 milliliter bottle itself is between 20 and 30 yen. The total amount of cost of a 500 milliliter bottle is between 40 and  50 yen when we add the costs of label, cap, cardboard box for transportation, and labor for filling bottles into the cardboard box.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、26 July 07

 

It is being firmly fixed in Japanese society that Japanese drink mineral water. Its consumption is still increasing. Its manufacturers now operates over about 230 nationwide. But the price of a 500-milliliter plastic bottle is more than one hundred yen. After crude is bought in the Middle East far from Japan and carried to Japan, it is purified to gasoline in Japan. Indeed, the price of a 500-milliliter plastic bottle is twice more expensive than that of gasoline. The cost of plastic bottle is the most expensive in the manufacturing cost of mineral water. In case of a 500-milliliter plastic bottle, its cost is 20-30 yen. If its manufacturing cost includes the cost of a label, a cap, a cardboard box for transport and a filling process, it is 40-50 yen.

 

添削

 

It is being firmly fixed in Japanese society that Japanese dDrinking mineral bottled water is getting popular in Japan1. Its consumption is still increasing. and there are Its manufacturers now operates over about 230 bottlers2 nationwide. But tThe price of a 500-milliliter plastic bottled water3 is more than one hundred yen and more expensive than the same amount of gasoline for which . After  crude oil is bought to Japan in from the Middle East far from Japan and carried to Japan, it is purified and upgraded to gasoline in Japan. Indeed, the price of a 500-milliliter plastic bottled water is twice more expensive than that of gasoline. For bottled water, Tthe cost of plastic bottle is the most expensive element. in the manufacturing cost of mineral water. In case of a A 500-milliliter plastic bottle, its costs is 20 to-30 yen. and If its manufacturing cost includes the cost of a the label, a4 cap, a cardboard box for transport and a labour for putting bottles into the box filling process, it is costs5 another 40- to 50 yen.

 

コメント

 

1.       「ミネラルウオーターが日本社会にも定着してきた。」は「ミネラルウオーターを飲むことが日本で人気がでてきた。」と言いなおすとよいでしょう。

 

2.       飲料水メーカーはa bottlerということが多いです。

 

3.       この文章の後半にペットボトルの価格のことが出てくるので、ここでは a 500-milliliter bottled waterとするとよいでしょう。

 

4.       The label, (the) cap, ~と二番目以降のtheを省略できます。

 

5.       この単語の前の一連のコストを一つと見なして、動詞をcostsにします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Drinking bottled water is getting popular in Japan. Its consumption is still increasing and there are over 230 bottlers nationwide. The price of a 500-milliliter bottled water is more than one hundred yen and more expensive than the same amount of gasoline for which crude oil is bought to Japan from the Middle East and upgraded to gasoline in Japan. Indeed, the price of a 500-milliliter bottled water is twice more expensive than that of gasoline. For bottled water, the cost of plastic bottle is the most expensive element. A 500-milliliter plastic bottle costs 20 to30 yen and the label, cap, cardboard box for transport and labour for putting bottles into the box costs another 40 to 50 yen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、23 July 07

 

Mineral waters have been rooted in Japan. The consumption of mineral waters has been increasing. Moreover the number of manufactures has been about 230 around the nation. Prices of mineral waters of 500 milliliter are over 100 yen and are expensive as twice as gasoline which is made of crude oil from far Middle East. However a cost of container is most expensive through manufacturing mineral waters: the prices of 500 milliliter bottle case is 20 through 30 yen per a bottle. If including costs of a label, a cap, a cardboard box for transport, and a filling cost, the prices of a PET bottle become 40 through 50 yen per a bottle.

 

添削

 

Mineral Bottled waters1 have has been rooted in Japan. and Tthe consumption of mineral bottled waters has been increasing. Moreover Now the number of manufactures has been reaches about 230 around the nation. Prices of mineral a waters of a 500 milliliter bottle are over 100 yen and are expensive as twice as expensive as the same amount of gasoline which is made of crude oil imported from far the Middle East. However aThe cost of container is the most expensive part of through manufacturing mineral bottled waters.: For example2, for a the prices of 500 milliliter bottle, the bottle itself costs case is 20 through to 30 yen and per a bottle. If including costs of a the label, a cap, a cardboard box for transport, and a filling cost labour to put the bottles into the box costs another 20 yen., Therefore, the prices cost of a PET bottle becomes 40 through to 50 yen out of 100 yen of a bottle of water per a bottle.

 

1.       細かな内容を正確に英文で表現する問題です。それぞれの数字が何を指すのか注意深く記述する必要があります。ミネラルウオーターはbottled waterという表現が一般的です。

 

2.       The cost of containerとあり、いろいろな容器に入った水が市場に出ているということを含意しているので、ここではその一例、for example を入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Bottled water has been rooted in Japan and the consumption of bottled water has been increasing. Now the number of manufactures reaches about 230 around the nation. Prices of a 500 milliliter bottle are over 100 yen and are twice as expensive as the same amount of gasoline which is made of crude oil imported from the Middle East. The cost of container is the most expensive part of bottled water. For example, for a 500 milliliter bottle, the bottle itself costs 20 to 30 yen and the label, cap, cardboard box for transport and labour to put the bottles into the box costs another 20 yen. Therefore, the cost of a PET bottle becomes 40 to 50 yen out of 100 yen of a bottle of water.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(KAPPA2004, 31 October 06

 

Mineral water becomes popular in Japan. Consume is increasing and the number of producing companies are as many as approximately 230 nationwide. The price of a 500ml pet bottle is more than 100 Yen. It is twice as high as the one of gasoline which is produced from oil imported from the Middle East.

 

The cost of pet bottles is the most expensive among the production cost of mineral water. The cost of a 500ml bottle is 20-30 Yen/bottle. It costs 40-50 Yen/bottle including labels, caps, carton boxes for transportation and work cost for charging.

 

添削

 

Mineral water becomes popular in Japan. and Cconsumeption is increasing1. Now and the number of producing companies producing mineral water has reached are as many as approximately 230 nationwide. The price of a 500ml pet bottle is more than 100 Yyen. It is twice as high expensive as the same volume one of gasoline which is produced from oil imported from the Middle East.

 

The cost of a pet bottles itself2 is the most expensive item among the production cost of mineral water. The cost of a 500ml bottle is 20 to –303 Yyen /bottle. It One pet bottle costs 40- to 50 Yyen /bottle when the costs of including labels, caps, carton boxes for transportation and labor work cost for packing bottles into the box are all included charging.

 

コメント

 

1.       内容が似ているので最初の二つの文をandでつなぎ、ここから新しい文にすると読みやすいでしょう。

 

2.       a pet bottle itselfとするとペットボトルそのもの、ということがはっきりするでしょう。

 

3.       20-30 yenという表現もありますが、文に始めて出てくると2030関係がはっきりしません。20 to 30 yenとしたほうが読みやすく、内容もわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Mineral water becomes popular in Japan and consumption is increasing. Now the number of companies producing mineral water has reached as many as 230 nationwide. The price of a 500ml pet bottle is more than 100 yen. It is twice as expensive as the same volume of gasoline which is produced from oil imported from the Middle East.

 

The cost of a pet bottle itself is the most expensive item among the production cost of mineral water. The cost of a 500ml bottle is 20 to –30 yen . One pet bottle costs 40 to 50 yen  when the costs of labels, caps, carton boxes for transportation and labor cost for packing bottles into the box are all included .

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(メイ、4 February 05

 

As bottled water is getting popular in Japan, an increasing number of producers are supplying bottled water to the market. Now there are close to 230 producers of bottled water. The price of a bottle of water, however, remains high; over 100 yen for a bottle of 500 milliliter. This is about twice as expensive as gasoline that is produced from oil imported from the Middle East.

 

The largest element of costs for bottled water is in fact the cost of the plastic bottle itself. For the bottle of 500 milliliter, the bottle itself costs about 20 to 30 yen, and a label, a cap, a paper box and labour to put bottles into the box altogether cost another 20 yen.

 

添削

 

As bottled water is getting popular in Japan, an increasing number of producers are supplying bottled water to the market. Now there are close to 230 producers of bottled water1. The price of a bottle of water, however, remains high; over 100 yen for a 500 milliliter bottle. of 500 milliliter. This is about twice as expensive as gasoline that is produced from oil imported from the Middle East.

 

The largest element of costs for bottled water is in fact the cost of the plastic bottle itself. For a 500 milliliter the bottle, of 500 milliliter, the bottle itself costs about 20 to 30 yen, . and aThe label, a cap, a paper cardboard box and labour2 to put the bottles into the box altogether all3 cost another 20 yen.

 

コメント

 

1.       「ミネラルウオーターが日本社会にも定着してきた。消費は増え続けており、製造会社は全国約230にも上っている。」をメイさんは「ミネラルウオーターが日本社会にも定着してくるの従い、消費は増え続けている。今や製造会社は全国約230にも上っている。」というように文章を整理しています。この方が英文の表現としては内容がわかりやすいですね。

 

2.       The label, (the)cap, (the)cardboard box and (the)labour to put the bottle into the boxでカッコ内の定冠詞を省略できます。

 

3.       The airplane tickets, accommodations and meals all cost me ten thousands yen.またはThe airplane tickets, accommodations and meals cost me ten thousands yen altogether.と表現出来ます。

 

添削後の文章

 

As bottled water is getting popular in Japan, an increasing number of producers are supplying bottled water to the market. Now there are close to 230 producers of bottled water. The price of a bottle of water, however, remains high; over 100 yen for a 500 milliliter bottle. This is about twice as expensive as gasoline that is produced from oil imported from the Middle East.

 

The largest element of cost for bottled water is the cost of the plastic bottle itself. For a 500 milliliter bottle, the bottle itself costs about 20 to 30 yen. The label, cap, cardboard box and labour to put the bottles into the box all cost another 20 yen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、28 Nov 04

 

The habit of drinking mineral water is taking root in Japanese society. Consumption keeps increasing and there are about as many as 230 manufacturers throughout the country. The price is, however, very high, considering the fact that a 500ml PET bottle of mineral water costs more than Yen100. It is twice as high as that of gasoline made from crude oil which is purchased and transported from faraway Middle Eastern nations. The highest of all the manufacturing costs for a bottle of mineral water is the PET bottle. The 500ml PET bottle itself costs Yen20 to Yen30 per piece. If we include the costs for the label, the cap, the carton for transport and filling, the total amount will be Yen40 to Yen50 per bottle.

 

添削

 

The habit of drinking bottled1 mineral water is taking root in Japanese society. Consumption keeps increasing and there are about as many as 230 manufacturers throughout the country. The price is, however, very high, considering the fact that a 500ml PET bottle of mineral water costs more than Yen100 yen2. It is twice as high as that of gasoline made from crude oil which is purchased and transported from faraway Middle Eastern nations. The largest element of cost3 highest of all the manufacturing costs for a bottle of mineral water is the PET bottle itself. The 500ml PET bottle itself costs Yen20 to Yen30 yen per piece. If we include the costs for the label, the cap, the carton for transport and filling, the total amount cost will be Yen40 to Yen50 yen per bottle.

 

コメント

 

1.       ミネラル・ウオーターは各地の名水をくみ上げて飲む、ビンに詰めて家に持ち帰る、などいろいろあるので、ここではbottled mineral waterに限定したほうが内容がわかりやすくなるでしょう。

 

2.       one hundred yen, 200 yenなどが一般的な記述方法です。

 

3.       添削のようにすると簡単でわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The habit of drinking bottled mineral water is taking root in Japanese society. Consumption keeps increasing and there are as many as 230 manufacturers throughout the country. The price is, however, very high, considering the fact that a 500ml PET bottle of mineral water costs more than 100 yen. It is twice as high as that of gasoline made from crude oil which is purchased and transported from faraway Middle Eastern nations. The largest element of cost for a bottle of mineral water is the PET bottle itself. The 500ml PET bottle costs 20 to 30 yen. If we include the cost for the label, cap, carton for transport and filling, the total cost will be 40 to 50 yen .

 

 

初級問題 147

 

これまでパソコンメーカーはパソコンを使いながらテレビ放送を受信できる製品を売り出してきたが、テレビメーカーはコンピュータ機能を搭載したテレビの開発には興味を示さなかった。パソコンは身近で使うがテレビは居間で離れて見るから、というのがその理由であった。しかし、テレビ放送のディジタル化とテレビ受像機の高精度化でテレビを見る離れた位置からでも画面の文字が読めるようになり、状況が変わってきている。

 

読者からの投稿 12(BURU, 4 March 16

 

The manufacturers of personal computer have ever been selling the product which can watch TV while working with the computer. On the other hand, the TV makers have never been concerned with the development which was a TV with computer. The TV makers analyzed that people used their computer near themselves but they usually kept a distance when people watched TV in living room. However, the situation of TV manufacture has been changing a lot. One of the reasons is that the current TV model can clearly watch the screen if we compared the previous model because the TV broadcasting system was changed to digital. And also the quality of the screen was improving to high-end. So, people can read letters even a bit far distance from the TV screen.

 

添削

 

The mManufacturers of personal computers have ever been selling the product by1 which users can watch TV while working with the computer. On the other hand, the TV makers have never been concerned with the development of2 which was a TV with computer functions. The TV makers analyzed that people used their computers near themselves but they usually kept a distance from a TV when they people watched TV in the living room. However, the situation of for TV manufacture has been changing a lot. One of the reasons is that the current TV model can clearly watch show the screen much clearer than3 if we compared the previous model because the TV broadcasting system has was changed from analogue to digital. And also the quality of the screen has greatly was improving to high-end improved. So, now people can read small letters on the TV screen even from a bit far distance from the TV screen.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てが推測できますが、the TV makers have never been concerned with the development which was a TV with computerのところは分かり難いです。

 

1.       投稿のままですと、whichはテレビを指すので、次の文のwhile working with the computerの隠れた主語 peopleと合致しません。

 

2.       関係代名詞を使うと分かり難くなります。ここではthe development of a TV ~としたほうがはっきりします。

 

3.       比較級を使った文がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Manufacturers of personal computers have been selling the product by which users can watch TV while working with the computer. On the other hand, TV makers have never been concerned with the development of a TV with computer functions. TV makers analyzed that people used their computers near themselves but usually kept a distance from a TV when they watched TV in the living room. However, the situation for TV manufacture has been changing a lot. One of the reasons is that the current TV model can show the screen much clearer than the previous model because the TV broadcasting system has changed from analogue to digital. And also the quality of the screen has greatly improved. So, now people can read small letters on the TV screen even from a far distance from the TV screen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(Valley winds, 10 February 13

 

Until now, while PC manufacturers have been selling PC’s include function that we can use them with watching TV programs, no TV manufacturers have any interest in developing TV with PC’s functions. That is because while we use PC besides us, we use TV near to us in a living room. Now because TV broadcast turned to going digital and TV image became minute, the circumstances change.

 

添削

 

Until now, while PC manufacturers have been selling PC’s with a include function that enables us to we can use them with watching TV programs, no TV manufacturers has shown have any interest in developing a TV with PC’s functions. This That is because while we place a PC very close to us when we use it PC besides us, but place we use a TV in the distance near to us in the a living room. Now because TV broadcasting is turned to going digital and TV images will became become very precise minute,. This will change the environment for TVs circumstances change.

 

コメント

 

文章の後半の内容がわかりません。PCとテレビを見るときの距離の違いをはっきりさせるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Until now, while PC manufacturers have been selling PC’s with a function that enables us to  watch TV programs, no TV manufacturers has shown any interest in developing a TV with PC’s functions. This is because while we place a PC very close to us when we use it but place a TV in the distance in the living room. Now TV broadcasting is going digital and TV images will become very precise. This will change the environment for TVs .

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(OKEN, 26 June 12

 

Until now, personal-computer makers have sold personal computers which also can be used to watch TV in addition to their computer functions. But, they have not been interested in developing a TV in which they install computer functions. This is why we use a personal computer near at hand but a TV at our living room at some distance from us. However, digitalization in TV broadcast and sharp images in current TV displays have enabled us to read letters on TV displays at the same distance from us as we watch TV and environment around personal-computer makers has changed.

 

添削

 

Until now, pPersonal-computer makers have been selling sold personal computers which also can be used to watch TV in addition to their computer functions. But, up until now, TV makers they have not been interested in developing a TV in which has they install computer functions. TV makers used to say that This is why we consumers used a personal computer near at hand but watched a TV in the at our living room at some distance from us. However, digitalization of in TV broadcast and high definition sharp images on the in current TV displays have now enabled us to read small letters on the TV displays at a the same distance from us as we watch TV and changed the environment for TV makers around personal-computer makers has changed.

 

コメント

 

パソコンメーカーとテレビメーカーの「テレビ+コンピューター」への対応の相違が日本文の趣旨です。この違いが英文ではわかりません。

 

添削後の文章

 

Personal-computer makers have been selling personal computers which also can be used to watch TV in addition to their computer functions. But, up until now, TV makers have not been interested in developing a TV which has computer functions. TV makers used to say that consumers used a personal computer near at hand but watched a TV in the living room at some distance. However, digitalization of TV broadcast and high definition images on the  current TV display have now enabled us to read small letters on the TV display at a  distance and changed the environment for TV makers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(かい、20 March 11

 

Whereas personal-computer makers have sold the production that can receive a TV broadcast with a personal computer, television makers have not been interested in the development of a television with a computing capability. The reason is that a personal computers is near at hand, but a television is watched in a living room at a distance from it. However, this situation are changing, because TV broadcasts have been digitalized and TV receivers with high performances can read characters from side to side on the display though we watch a television from a distance.

 

添削

 

Whereas personal-computer makers have sold personal computers1 the production that can receive a TV broadcasting2 with a personal computer, television makers have not been interested in the development of a television with a computing capability. The reason is that a personal computers is watched3 at a close distance near at hand, but a television is watched in a living room at a distance from it. However, this situation is are changing, because TV broadcastsing has have been digitalized and high definition TV receivers with high performances can display4 read characters from side to side on the display screen that though we can read watch a television from a distance.

 

コメント

 

ほぼ総ての内容がわかります。最後の文の内容が分かり難いです。

 

1.       personal computersと具体的に表現するのがよいでしょう。

 

2.       テレビ放映とするのがよいでしょう。

 

3.       ここにis watchedと入れると、is watched at a close distanceis watched at a distanceの二つが一対になってわかりやすくなります。

 

4.       TV can display characters. We can read the characters. という論理構成になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Whereas personal-computer makers have sold personal computers that can receive TV broadcasting, television makers have not been interested in the development of a television with computing capability. The reason is that a personal computer is watched at a close distance but a television is watched in a living room at a distance. However, this situation is  changing, because TV broadcasting has been digitalized and high definition TV receivers  can display characters from side to side on the screen that we can read from a distance.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 12 January 10

 

Whereas PC manufacturers have been marketing personal computers capable of receiving TV broadcasts, TV manufacturers have not been interested in developing TV sets featuring PC functions. The reason behind their indifference was that although we used PCs close at hand, we watched TV at a distance in the living room. The situation, however, has been changing these days. The digitalized TV broadcasts, coupled with high definition television sets has enabled us to read the letters on the TV screen from a distance, thus suggesting the advent of a TV with some computer functions.

 

添削

 

Whereas PC manufacturers have been marketing personal computers capable of receiving TV broadcasts, TV manufacturers have not been interested in developing TV sets featuring PC functions. The reason behind their indifference was that although we used PCs close at hand, we watched TV at a distance in the living room. The situation, however, has been changing these days. The dDigitalized TV broadcasts, coupled with high definition television sets, have has enabled us to read the small letters on the TV screen clearly from a distance, thus suggesting the advent of a TV with some computer functions in the near future.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。わたしのLCDテレビはコンピュータの画像出力を入力する端末が付いているので、時々ラップトップをテレビにつないでYouTubeなどを大型画面で見ています。

 

添削後の文章

 

Whereas PC manufacturers have been marketing personal computers capable of receiving TV broadcasts, TV manufacturers have not been interested in developing TV sets featuring PC functions. The reason behind their indifference was that although we used PCs close at hand, we watched TV at a distance in the living room. The situation, however, has been changing these days. Digitalized TV broadcasts, coupled with high definition television sets, have enabled us to read small letters on the TV screen clearly from a distance, thus suggesting the advent of a TV with some computer functions in the near future.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 27 July 08

 

PC manufacturers have launched so far a kind of PC which can receive TV broadcasting when we use the PC. On the other hand, TV manufacturers have never shown interest in developing a kind of TV set with a computer function. The reason was that we used a PC close at hand, but we watched TV far away from us in the living room. Thanks to digitalization of TV broadcasting and high-definition TV monitors, however, we are getting to be able to read letters on the TV screen from the distance. Thus circumstances are changing these days.

 

添削

 

PC manufacturers have developed launched so far a kind of PCs which can receive TV broadcasting when we use the PC. but On the other hand, TV manufacturers have never shown interest in developing a kind of TVs set with a that have some1 computer functions. The reason was that we used1 a PC close at hand, but we watched TV from a distance far away from us in the living room. Thanks to digitalization of TV broadcasting and high-definition TV monitors, however, we can now are getting to be able to read letters on the TV screen from a the distance. Thus the circumstances for TVs is are changing these days and we may soon see TVs with some computer functions3.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       PCs which can receive TV broadcastingと同じ形でTVs that have some computer functionsとするとよいでしょう。このよような同じ形式の繰り返しを読みやすさを向上します。

 

2.       文章の最後にis changingとあるので、ここは現在形がよいでしょう。

 

3.       このような補足説明をいれるとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

PC manufacturers have developed PCs which can receive TV broadcasting but TV manufacturers have never shown interest in developing TVs that have some computer functions. The reason was that we use a PC close at hand, but we watch TV from a distance  in the living room. Thanks to digitalization of TV broadcasting and high-definition TV monitors, however, we can now read letters on the TV screen from a distance. Thus the circumstance for TVs is changing these days and we may soon see TVs with some computer functions.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 23 July 08

 

Even now, PC manufacturers have sold a PC which can watch TV programs and use the PC at the same time. On the contrary, TV manufacturers were not interested in developing a TV with PC capabilities. This was because they believed that people use a PC close at hand but watch TV far away from themselves in their living room. But these conditions are changing now. This is because people can clearly watch small letters on the screen of TV far away from them caused by the digitalization of TV broadcasting and the development of high-precision TV receiver.

 

添削

 

Even now,1 PC manufacturers have been developing sold a PC which can watch TV programs and use the PC at the same time. On the contrary, TV manufacturers have not shown were not interested in developing a TV with PC capabilities. This was because they believed that people used a PC close at hand but watched TV from a distance far away from themselves in their living room. But these conditions are changing now. This is because pPeople can clearly watch small letters on the screen of TV far away from a distance them caused by because of the digitalization of TV broadcasting and the development of a high-precision TV receiver.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「今でさえも」が文の内容にしっくりしません。We can easily find a PC with TV functions et but not a TV with PC functions.というような対比の仕方があります。

 

添削後の文章

 

PC manufacturers have been developing a PC which can watch TV programs. On the contrary, TV manufacturers have not shown interest in developing a TV with PC capabilities. This was because they believed that people used a PC close at hand but watched TV from a distance in their living room. But these conditions are changing now. People can clearly watch small letters on the screen of TV from a distance because of the digitalization of TV broadcasting and the development of a high-precision TV receiver.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、26 July 07

 

PC manufacturers have sold products which can receive TV broadcasting while using a personal computer. But TV manufacturers have not been interesting at the development of TV sets with a computer function. The main reason is that in case of personal computers, people use it close at hand, but in case of TV sets, people watch it at a distance in a living room. As people have come to read letters on the screen of a TV set at a distance due to the digitalization of TV broadcasting and the appearance of high accuracy TV receivers, the situations around TV sets have changed perfectly.

 

添削

 

PC manufacturers have sold products personal computers which can receive TV broadcasting while using a personal computer. Bbut TV manufacturers have not been interesting at in developing the development of TV sets with a computer function. The main reason is TV manufactures say that in case of personal computers, people use it close at hand, but in case of a TV sets, people watch it at a distance in a living room and cannot recognize small characters on the screen1. As Now2, however, people have come to can read small letters on the screen of a TV set at a distance due to the digitalization of TV broadcasting and the appearance of a high accuracy definition TV receivers,. This should change the situations environment for around TV sets have changed perfectly.

 

コメント

 

1.       このような補足説明をいれると文章の論理がはっきりします。

 

2.       以前はこうだった、だが現在はこうだ。という文章構成にして、文章の最後の文は独立させると要点がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

PC manufacturers have sold personal computers which can receive TV broadcasting but TV manufacturers have not been interesting in developing TV sets with a computer function. TV manufactures say that in case of personal computers, people use it close at hand but in case of a TV set, people watch it at a distance in a living room and cannot recognize small characters on the screen. Now, however, people can read small letters on the screen of a TV set at a distance due to the digitalization of TV broadcasting and the appearance of a high definition TV. This should change the environment for TV sets.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、24 July 07

 

A personal-computer maker has heretofore sold a personal computer which enable us to watch a television program, but a television maker has not been interested in a television which is equipped with a personal computer system. A television maker think that a personal computer is used near an user but a television is watched keeping away from an user at a sitting-room. The digital broadcasting and the development of a television system have enabled us to watch the characters on the screen remotely and have been changing a situation of a television.

 

添削

 

A pPersonal-computer makers1 has have heretofore sold a personal computer2 which enable us to watch a television program, but a television makers has have not been interested in a television2 which is equipped with a personal computer system. A tTelevision makers think that a the personal computer3 is used near in a close distance from an user but a the television3 is watched keeping away from a greater distance from an user at in a the sitting-room. However, the beginning of The digital broadcasting and the development of a high-definition television system have enabled us to watch the small characters on the screen remotely from a distance and have been changing changed the environment a situation of for a the television.

 

コメント

 

1.       複数のメーカーがあるので複数形にします。

 

2.       或る種類のコンピュータとテレビを指すので不定冠詞をつけます。

 

3.       コンピュータとテレビ一般を指すので定冠詞をつけます。a televisionはテレビ装置ですが、 冠詞無しでtelevisionはテレビ放送の意味になります。watch television は「テレビ放送を視聴する」です。しかし、上の問題でthe television is watched from a greater distance.は「テレビ装置は距離を置いて見る」の意味なので冠詞をつけます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Personal-computer makers have sold a personal computer which enable us to watch a television program, but television makers have not been interested in a television which is equipped with a personal computer system. Television makers think that the personal computer is used in a close distance from an user but the television is watched from a greater distance from an user in the sitting-room. However, the beginning of digital broadcasting and the development of a high-definition television system have enabled us to watch small characters on the screen from a distance and changed the environment for the television.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(KAPPA2004, 31 October 06

 

Until now, PC manufacturers have sold the products that we can receive TV programs with using. But TV manufacturers have showed no interest in TV development installed computer functions. It was because PC was used in close at hand but TV was watched in distance in the living room. But the situation is changing since we can read the words of the display from the TV distance position owing to the digitalization of TV broadcast and high visualization of TV receivers.

 

添削

 

Until now, PC manufacturers have sold the productspersonal computers1 by which that we can receive TV programs with using. But TV manufacturers have showedn no interest in TVs that development installed some computer functions. It This was because a PC was used in at a close distance at hand but a TV was watched in at some distance in the living room. But the situation is changing since we can read the words of letters2 on the TV display from the TVsome distance position owing to the digitalization of TV broadcasting and high visualization of a TV receivers.

 

コメント

 

1.       ここをpersonal computersにすると文が簡単になります。

 

2.       テレビ画面の文字(言葉とは限らず、数字や記号も含む)が適当でしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Until now, PC manufacturers have sold personal computers by which we can receive TV programs. But TV manufacturers have shown no interest in TVs that installed some computer functions. This was because a PC was used at a close distance but a TV was watched at some distance in the living room. But the situation is changing since we can read  letters on the TV display from some distance owing to the digitalization of TV broadcasting and high visualization of a TV receiver.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(メイ、9 February 05

 

Personal computer makers have been producing computer models with Television tuners. But Television makers have not shown any interest in integrating computer functions into the TV. They say that people watch a TV from a distance in the living room while watch a computer monitor from a close distance. Now, however, the introduction of digital broadcasting of TV programs and high-definition TVs has made it possible for people to watch not only pictures but small letters clearly on the TV screen. This must lead to changing perceptions of the TVs and computers.

 

添削

 

Personal computer makers have been producing computer models with Television television tuners. But, but1 Television television makers have not shown any interest in integrating computer functions into the TVTVs. They say that people watch a TV2 from a greater distance in the living room3 while they watch a computer monitor from a closer distance. Now, however, the introduction of digital broadcasting of TV programs and high-definition TVs has made it possible for people to watch not only pictures but small letters clearly on the TV screen. This must lead to changing perceptions of the TVs and computers.

 

コメント

 

1.       パソコンメーカーとテレビメーカーの対比なので一つの文で繋げたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       「テレビ番組を見る」はwatch TVと表現します。ここでTVは「テレビ番組」一般を指します。

 

3.       距離の相違とすると内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Personal computer makers have been producing computer models with television tuners, but television makers have not shown any interest in integrating computer functions into TVs. They say that people watch TV from a greater distance while they watch a computer monitor from a closer distance. Now, however, the introduction of digital broadcasting of TV programs and high-definition TVs has made it possible for people to watch not only pictures but small letters clearly on the TV screen. This must lead to changing perceptions of TVs and computers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マウント60、4 Dec 04

 

While personal computer makers have so far been selling products that can serve as TV sets as well as computers, TV set makers have not taken any interest in developing a TV set with the functions of computers. The reason for this is that we watch TV at a distance in a living room though we keep a personal computer at hand to use it. The situation is changing, however, because the digital broadcast of TV and the high definition of TV sets have made it possible to read the letters on the screen even at a distance just like we watch TV.

 

添削

 

While1 pPersonal computer makers have so far been selling products that can serve as TV sets as well as computers, but TV set makers have not taken any interest in developing a TV set with the functions of a computers. The reason for this isThey say2 that we watch TV at a distance in a living room though we keep a personal computer at hand to use it. The situation is changing, however, because the digital broadcasting of TV programs and the high- definition of TVs sets have made it possible to read the letters on the screen even at a distance just like we watch TV3.

 

コメント

 

1.       Whileのあとの従属節が長いので、but で文を続けたほうが内容がわかりやすくなります。While はこの後の内容を頭で覚えていなけらばならず(次に何か反対のものが来るな、と予想しながら)、その分だけ文が重くなります。butで続けると文意を文の始から読み取ればいいのでこの負担がなくなり、文が軽くなります。

 

2.       テレビメーカーの連中が言っていたことです。

 

3.       「テレビを見る離れた位置からでも画面の文字が読めるようになり」の表現がわかりやすいですね。日本語の字面にとらわれずに内容を説明しているのがわかりやすさの要因ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Personal computer makers have been selling products that can serve as TV sets as well as computers, but TV makers have not taken any interest in developing a TV set with the functions of a computer. They say that we watch TV at a distance in a living room though we keep a personal computer at hand to use it. The situation is changing, however, because digital broadcasting of TV programs and high-definition TVs have made it possible to read the letters on the screen even at a distance just like we watch TV.

 

 

初級問題 148

 

海上保安庁第一管区(北海道小樽市)に5月3日までに入った連絡によると、手こぎの舟「えおりあ号」(全長7メートル)で太平洋を横断中の大阪府堺市の立尾征男さん(62)が出した遭難信号を米国の人工衛星が受信した。遭難信号は2日午後4時50分ごろから3日早朝まで複数回あったという。北海道東部の約1300キロ沖海上からとみられる。

 

読者からの投稿 10(BURU, 4 March 16

 

According to the report which was sent to the first district of Japan Coast Guard, which is based at Otaru City Hokkaido, by May 3, an American satellite caught the emergency signal which was sent out by Mr. Masao Tateo, 62 years old Sakai City Osaka, when he had been sailing at the Pacific Ocean by his human-powered ship “Eoria-go” (7meters long). There were several signals between May 2 at 4:50PM and early morning of May 3.. The first district assumed the location where was on the sea about 1,300 kilometers far from Eastern Hokkaido.

 

添削

 

According to the report which was sent to the first district of Japan Coast Guard, which is was based in at Otaru City, Hokkaido, by May 3, an American satellite caught an the emergency signal which was sent out by Mr. Masao Tateo, 62 years old, Sakai City, Osaka, who when he had been sailing alone in at the Pacific Ocean in by his row boat his human-powered ship,The Eoria-go” (7-meters long). There were several signals between May 2 at 4:50PM on May 2 and the early morning of May 3.. The Coast Guard first district assumed the location of the boat where was on the sea about 1,300 kilometers far from the eastern seashore of Eastern Hokkaido.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てが推測できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to the report which was sent to the first district of Japan Coast Guard, which was based in Otaru City, Hokkaido, by May 3, an American satellite caught an emergency signal which was sent out by Mr. Masao Tateo, 62 years old in Sakai City, Osaka, who had been sailing alone in the Pacific Ocean in his row boat, “The Eoria-go” (7-meters long). There were several signals between 4:50PM on May 2 and the early morning of May 3. The Coast Guard assumed the location of the boat was about 1,300 kilometers from the eastern seashore of  Hokkaido.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Valley winds, 25 February 13

 

According to communications received by the first marine district, Otaru City Hokkaido, by May 3, a satellite received as SOS of Seiji Tateo (62 years old). Seiji Tateo living in Sakai City Osaka prefecture had been sailing across the Pacific Ocean in a hand-rowing boat EORIA (seven meter long). They said that SOS was sent several times between around 4:50 p.m. May 2 to early morning May 3. It seemed that they were from the eastern offshore about 1300km from Hokkaido.

 

添削

 

According to communications information received by the fFirst mMarine dDistrict of Coast Guard, Otaru City, Hokkaido, by May 3, an American satellite received as a SOS signal from of Mr. Seiji Masao Tateo (62 years old). Mr. Seiji Masao Tateo living in Sakai City, Osaka pPrefecture had been sailing across the Pacific Ocean in a hand-rowing boat EORIA (seven meters long). The Coast Guard They said that the SOS signal was received sent several times between around 4:50 p.m. on May 2 and to early morning on May 3. It seemed that they were sent from the eastern offshore about 1300km kilometers east of from Hokkaido.

 

コメント

 

最初の文がわかり難いですが、文章全体の内容は推測できます。

 

1.       英語を日常使う人を読者に想定していますから、これが人名だということをはっきりさせるためにMr.をつけます。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to information received by the First Marine District of Coast Guard, Otaru City, Hokkaido, by May 3, an American satellite received a SOS signal from Mr. Masao Tateo (62 years old). Mr. Masao Tateo in Sakai City, Osaka Prefecture had been sailing across the Pacific Ocean in a rowing boat EORIA (seven meters long). The Coast Guard said that the SOS signal was received t several times between around 4:50 p.m. on May 2 and early morning on May 3. It seemed that they were sent from about 1300 kilometers east of Hokkaido.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(かい、23 March 11

 

According to the signal from the 1th Regional Coast Guard Headquarters (Otaru City ,Hokkaido) by May 3, U.S satellite received the distress call from Masao Tateo ,62-year-old , living in Sakai City, Osaka Prefecture and was getting across the Pacific Ocean by the “Eoria”, 7-meter-long boat . The call was sent more than once between 4:50 PM on May 2 and early morning on May 3, and is thought to have been sent from the sea around 1,300 kilometers off the coast of eastern Hokkaido.

 

添削

 

According to information1 the signal from the First 1th Regional Coast Guard Headquarters (Otaru City ,Hokkaido) had received by May 3, a U.S satellite received the distress calls from Mr. Masao Tateo , a 62-year-old man2, living in Sakai City, Osaka Prefecture who and was crossing getting across the Pacific Ocean by the “Eoria”, a 7-meter-long row boat . The calls were was sent more than once between 4:50 pm PM on May 2 and early morning on May 3, and was is thought to have been sent from the area sea about around 1,300 kilometers off the coast of eastern Hokkaido.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「海上保安庁第一管区(北海道小樽市)に5月3日までに入った連絡によると」は「海上保安庁第一管区(北海道小樽市)に5月3日までに入手した情報によると」ということでしょう。the signalとすると、次に文章に出てくるdistress callsとまぎらわしくなります。

 

2.       英文は英語を日常語にしている人たちを読者の対象に想定しているので、この人たちにわかるように添削のようにします。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to information the First Regional Coast Guard Headquarters (Otaru City ,Hokkaido) had received by May 3, a U.S satellite received distress calls from Mr. Masao Tateo, a 62-year-old man, living in Sakai City, Osaka Prefecture who was crossing  across the Pacific Ocean by the “Eoria”, a 7-meter-long row boat. The calls were sent more than once between 4:50 pm on May 2 and early morning on May 3, and was thought to have been sent from the area about 1,300 kilometers off the coast of eastern Hokkaido.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 12 January 10

 

According to the information the first Regional Coast Guard in Otaru City, Hokkaido has received so far as of May 3, an American satellite received radio distress signals from Masao Tateo, 62 years of age from Sakai City in Osaka, who has been venturing across the Pacific alone on the “Eoria”, a seven-meter-long foyboat. The signal has been picked up a couple of times from around 4:50 in the afternoon of May 2 to the early morning of May 3. They are believed to be sent out from the sea around 1,300 kilometers off the coast of eastern Hokkaido.

 

添削

 

According to the information that the fFirst Regional Coast Guard in Otaru City, Hokkaido, has received so far as of May 3, an American satellite received radio distress signals from Mr. Masao Tateo, a 62 years old man1 of age from Sakai City in Osaka, who has been venturing to cross across the Pacific Ocean alone on the “Eoria”, a seven-meter-long row foyboat. The signals have has been picked up a couple of times from around 4:50 in the afternoon of May 2 to the early morning of May 3. They were2 are believed to be sent out from the sea around 1,300 kilometers off the coast of eastern Hokkaido.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       Mr. Masao Tateo, aged 62, from Sakai City, ~aged 62を修飾句として挿入するか、またはMr. Masao Tateo, a 62 years old man from Sakai City, ~と二つを同格にするのが一般的です。Mr. Maso Tateo, 62 years of age from Sakai Cityはどっちつかずです。

 

2.