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初級練習問題の添削 121−130

 

練習問題 121(17 Jan 04) (8 April 04) (19 October 04) (2 Feb 06) (13 Aug 06)

(22 Nov 06) (17 June 07) (25 June 07) (23 May 08) (9 June 08)

(27 Nov 09) (9 Feb 11) (23 Jan 13) (3 Jan 16)

 

練習問題 122(15 Jan 04) (21 April 04) (19 October 04) (13 Aug 06) (21 Feb 07)

(17 June 07) (25 June 07) (27 May 08) (12 June 08)

(27 Nov 09) (12 Feb 11) (23 Jan 13) (23 Sept 15)

 

練習問題 123(15 Jan 04) (10 April 04) (21 October 04) (13 Aug 06) (19 June 07)

(25 June 07) (28 May 08) (13 June 08) (27 Nov 09) (11 Feb 11)

(23 Jan 13) (23 Sept 15)

 

練習問題 124(20 Jan 04) (21 April 04) (22 October 04) (13 Aug 06) (19 June 07)

(26 June 07) (30 May 08) (14 June 08) ) (27 Nov 09) (11 Feb 11)

(28 Jan 13) (29 Sept 15)

 

練習問題 125(20 Jan 04) (10 April 04) (22 October 04) (13 Aug 06) (20 June 07)

(26 June 07) (3 June 08) (15 June 08) (27 Nov 09)(14 Feb 11)

(28 Jan 13) (8 October 15)

 

練習問題 126(24 Jan 04) (10 April 04) (27 October 04) (1 Sept 06) (20 June 07)

                (30 June 07) (3 June 08) (17 June 08) (4 Dec 09) (15 Feb 11)

                      (26 June 12) (28 Jan 13) (8 Oct 15)

 

練習問題 127(27 Jan 04) (7 April 04) (27 October 04) (1 Sept 06) (21 June 07)

(30 June 07) (21 June 08) (4 December 09) (18 Feb 11) (28 Jan 13)

(8 Oct 15)

 

練習問題 128(27 Jan 04) (7 April 04) (29 October 04) (1 Sept 06) (21 June 07)

(30 June 07) (11 June 08) (22 June 08) (4 Dec 09) (19 Feb 11)

(28 Jan 13) (14 Oct 15)

 

練習問題 129(31 Jan 04) (29 October 04) (1 Sept 06) (23 June 07) (30 June 07)

                (12 June 08) (25 June 08) (4 Dec 09) (21 Feb 11) (3 Feb 13) (15 Oct 15)

 

練習問題 130(27 March 04) (31 October 04) (1 Sept 06) (23 June 07) (30 June 07)

                (13 June 08) (26 June 08) (4 Dec 09) (22 Feb 11) (3 Feb 13) (15 Oct 15)

 

練習問題 121

 

ホンダは12月5日、機体やエンジンを含めて小型ジェット機の自社開発に成功したことを明らかにした。ライト兄弟の飛行から百周年に当たる17日までに、米国で試験飛行を実施する。

 

読者からの投稿 14(BURU, 3 January 16

 

Honda Motor Corporation revealed the news that they succeeded in development a small jet. According to Honda, its body and engine also developed themselves. They will conduct the trial flight until 17 December when is the 100th anniversary of the first flight in human history by the Wright brothers.

 

添削

 

Honda Motor Corporation announced revealed the news that they succeeded in the development of a small jet airplane. According to Honda, the its body and engine of the airplane was also developed by themselves. They will conduct the a trial flight before until 17 December 17 that will be when is the 100th anniversary of the first flight in human history by the Wright brothers.

 

コメント

 

内容は推測できますが、until December 17 before December 17とは意味が異なります。ここではbefore December 17が日本文の内容です。

 

添削後の文章

 

Honda Motor Corporation announced that they succeeded in the development of a small jet airplane. According to Honda, the body and engine of the airplane was also developed by themselves. They will conduct a trial flight before December 17 that will be the 100th anniversary of the first flight in human history by the Wright brothers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(Valley winds, 23 January 13

 

Honda, the Japanese automotive manufacturer, revealed that they successes developing the small jet plane, including its airframe and engine, on December 5. They will hold a test flight in the US by December 17, the 100th anniversary since the Light Brothers first flight.

 

添削

 

Honda, a the Japanese automotive manufacturer, revealed that they had successfully successes developinged a the small jet plane, including its airframe and engine, on December 5. They will hold a test flight in the US by December 17, the 100th anniversary since of the Light Brother’s first flight.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります

 

添削後の文章

 

Honda, a Japanese automotive manufacturer, revealed that they had successfully  developed a small jet plane, including its airframe and engine, on December 5. They will hold a test flight in the US by December 17, the 100th anniversary of the Light Brother’s first flight.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(かい、9 February 11

 

Honda announced on December 5 that they had accomplished the development of the small jet plane with air frame and engine by themselves and will run the flying in America till December 17 falling on 100th of the Wright brothers' trial flight.

 

添削

 

Honda announced on December 5 that they had accomplished the development of the a small jet plane, manufacturing1 its body with air frame and engine by themselves and will conduct a test flight2 run the flying in America by till December 17, falling on the 100th anniversary of the Wright brothers' first trial flight.

 

コメント

 

内容のほぼ総てがわかります。

 

1.       manufacturing its body and engineとすると内容が明確になります。

 

2.       a test flightとするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Honda announced on December 5 that they had accomplished the development of a small jet plane, manufacturing its body and engine by themselves and will conduct a test flight   in America by December 17, the 100th anniversary of the Wright brothers' first flight.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(mxtomi, 27 November 09

 

Honda announced on December 5 that it has successfully developed a small jet plane including the airframe and the engine by itself. The company is going to conduct a test flight in the US by December 17 which will be the 100th anniversary of the first manned flight by the Wright brothers.

 

添削

 

Honda announced on December 5 that it has had successfully developed a small jet airplane including the its airframe and the engine by itself. The company is going to conduct a test flight in the US by December 17 which will be the 100th anniversary of the first manned flight by the Wright brothers.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Honda announced on December 5 that it had successfully developed a small jet airplane including its airframe and engine by itself. The company is going to conduct a test flight in the US by December 17 which will be the 100th anniversary of the first manned flight by the Wright brothers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(kk, 9 June 08

 

On December 5, Honda Motor Co., Ltd. announced that they succeeded the development of a compact jet plane including its fuselage and engine. They plan a trial flight in the US by December 17 which will be the 100th anniversary of the Wright Brothers' first flight.

 

添削

 

On December 5, Honda Motor Co., Ltd. announced that they succeeded in the development of a compact small jet airplane including its fuselage and engine. They plan a trial flight in the US by December 17, which will be the 100th anniversary of the Wright Bbrothers' first flight.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 5, Honda Motor Co., Ltd. announced that they succeeded in the development of a small jet airplane including its fuselage and engine. They plan a trial flight in the US by December 17, which will be the 100th anniversary of the Wright brothers' first flight.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(dunkel, 23 May 08

 

On December 5, Honda Motor Company announced that it has developed an entire small jet plane including the body and engines. Honda plans to make a first test flight in the U.S. until December 17 when the Wright brothers succeeded in the first manned flight 100 years ago.

 

添削

 

On December 5, Honda Motor Company announced that it has had developed an entire small jet plane including the body and engines. Honda plans to make a its first test flight in the U.S. before until December 17 when the Wright brothers succeeded in the first manned flight 100 years ago.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますがmake its test flight until December 17とすると意味がわからなくなります。makes a series of test flights until December 17ならわかりますが。

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 5, Honda Motor Company announced that it had developed an entire small jet plane including the body and engine. Honda plans to make its first test flight in the U.S. before December 17 when the Wright brothers succeeded in the first manned flight 100 years ago.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(岩ちゃん、25 June 07

 

On December 5, Honda announced that it was successful in developing a compact jet airplane including a fuselage and an engine. Honda will conduct a trial flight by December 17 when a hundred years has passed since Wright brothers flied an airplane.

 

添削

 

On December 5, Honda announced that it was had successfully in developinged1 a compact small jet airplane including a its fuselage and an engine. Honda will conduct a trial test flight by December 17 when a hundred years has passed since the Wright brothers flied flew an airplane a hundred years ago.

 

コメント

 

1.       Honda developed an airplane.というように主語+動詞+目的語の形のほうが読んだ印象が鮮明になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 5, Honda announced that it had successfully developed a small jet airplane including its fuselage and engine. Honda will conduct a test flight by December 17 when the Wright brothers flew an airplane a hundred years ago.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(散歩人、17 June 07

 

On December 5th, Japanese automaker Honda Motors informed that they successfully had developed a small jet plane  by themselves. In this development, they developed a jet fuselage, a jet engine and so on. They plan to make the first test flight of their jet in the United State, by December 17 which is the 100th anniversary of Wright Brothers' first flight.

 

添削

 

On December 5th, a Japanese automaker, Honda Motors,1 informed announced that they successfully had successfully developed a small jet plane by themselves. In this development project, they developed all parts of the jet airplane including2 a jet fuselage, a jet engine and so on. They plan to make the first test flight of their this jet in the United State, by December 17, which is will be the 100th anniversary of Wright Brothers' first flight.

 

コメント

 

1.       a Japanese automaker, Honda Motors, ~というように同格の二つの名詞を表現します。

 

2.       こうするとはっきりするでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 5th, a Japanese automaker, Honda Motors, announced that they had successfully developed a small jet plane by themselves. In this project, they developed all parts of the jet airplane including a fuselage, a jet engine and so on. They plan to make the first test flight of this jet in the United State by December 17, which will be the 100th anniversary of Wright Brothers' first flight.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(Hanasaki, 22 November 06

 

On December 5, Honda announced that that they successfully developed an entire small jet plane including a body and an engine by themselves. They are going to carry out a test flight in the United States by December 17th which will be the 100th anniversary of the Wright brothers' first flight.

 

添削

 

On December 5, Honda announced that that they successfully developed an entire small jet plane including a body and an engine by themselves. They are going to carry out a test flight in the United States by December 17th which will be the 100th anniversary of the Wright bBrothers' first flight.

 

コメント

 

わかりやすい英文表現ですね。They developed an entire small jet plane. They carry out a test flight.という主要部分がはっきりしているので読みやすい英文になっています。

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 5, Honda announced that that they successfully developed an entire small jet plane including a body and an engine by themselves. They are going to carry out a test flight in the United States by December 17th which will be the 100th anniversary of the Wright Brothers' first flight.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Kappa2006, 13 August 06

 

On December 5, Honda revealed that their development of mini-Jet plane including its body and engine was successful. The will make a trial flight in the US by December 17 which date falls on the 100th anniversary of Wright brother's fist flight.

 

添削

 

On December 5, Honda revealed that their development of a mini-Jet plane including its body and engine was successfully completed1. They will make a trial flight in the US by December 17 which date2 will be falls on the 100th anniversary of Wright brother's fist flight.

 

コメント

 

1.       was successfully completedcompletedを入れると文に動きがあって、wasだけよりもわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       関係代名詞のwhichなのでdateは必要ありません。

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 5, Honda revealed that their development of a mini-Jet plane including its body and engine was successfully completed. They will make a trial flight in the US by December 17 which will be fall on the 100th anniversary of Wright brother's fist flight.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(tama, 2 February 06

 

On December 5th, Honda, Japanese Automotive manufacturer, announced that they had succeeded in the development for small jet airliner including the body and engine on their own. By 17th, on 100th anniversary that Wright Brothers succeeded in their flight, they are planning to conduct some trial flights in U.S.A.

 

添削

 

On December 5th, Honda, a Japanese Automotive manufacturer, announced that they had succeeded in the development for a small jet airliner airplane including the body and engine on their own. By December17th1, on the 100th anniversary that Wright Brothers succeeded in their flight, they are planning to conduct some trial flights of the airplane1 in the United States2 U.S.A.

 

コメント

 

1.       内容からわかるので無くても良いようですが、入れておいたほうが読者に親切です。プレイン・イングリッシュは「読者の立場に立ってわかりやすく書く」を目的にしているので、内容をわかりやすくするためには情報の繰り返しも厭いません。

 

2.       米国はthe United States of America, the United States, the USA, the USと通常は表記します。the U.S.A.とピリオドを入れる表記法は少なくなっているようです。

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 5th, Honda, a Japanese Automotive manufacturer, announced that they had succeeded in the development for a small jet airplane including the body and engine on their own. By December17th, the 100th anniversary that Wright Brothers succeeded in their flight, they are planning to conduct some trial flights of the airplane in the United States.

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、19 October 04

 

Honda Motor Co., Ltd. announced on December 5th that it succeeded in developing on its own the whole of a small jet airplane including the fuselage and engines. A test flight is going to be carried out in the U.S. by the 17th which falls on the centennial anniversary of the first flight of a man-made airplane by the Wright Brothers.

 

添削

 

Honda Motor Co., Ltd1. announced on December 5th that it succeeded in developing on its own the whole of a small jet airplane including the fuselage and engines. A test flight is going to be carried out in the U.S. by the 17th, which falls on the centennial anniversary of the first flight of a man-made airplane by the Wright Brothers2.

 

コメント

 

1.       会社の正式英語名称を使っているのが良いですね。正式名称は調べればわかることですが、面倒なのでHondaなどと書いてしまいますが、正式な文章ではこのような正式な名称を使わなければなりません。

 

2.       わかりやすい英文ですね。わかりやすさは文章の基本形式が簡単にわかるためです。Honda Motor Co., Ltd announced that. It succeeded in developing an airplane. A test flight is going to be carried out. December 17th fall on the anniversary.という簡単な構造の文が上手に組み合わされています。

 

添削後の文章

 

Honda Motor Co., Ltd. announced on December 5th that it succeeded in developing on its own the whole of a small jet airplane including the fuselage and engine. A test flight is going to be carried out in the U.S. by the 17th, which falls on the centennial anniversary of the first flight of a man-made airplane by the Wright Brothers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Knight, 8 April 04

 

On December 5, 2003, Honda announced that they had succeeded in the development of a small-sized jet plane including its body and engine. They are to carry out the test flight in the United States by December 17, the centenary of Wright brothers' first flight.

 

添削

 

On December 5, 2003, Honda announced that they had succeeded in the development of a small-sized jet plane including its body and engine. They are to carry out the Honda is going to conduct1 a test flight in the United States by December 17, the centenary of Wright brothers' first flight.

 

コメント

He is to appear in court next Tuesday. 彼は来週の木曜日に法廷に出頭せねばならぬThe train is to arrive here in ten minutes.その列車は後10分で到着する予定だ。などのような例があります。この日本文の文脈では〜の予定だ、があてはまりますが、すこし硬すぎる感じがするので、単にHonda is going to ~としたほうが素直です。

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 5, 2003, Honda announced that they had succeeded in the development of a small-sized jet plane including its body and engine. Honda is going to conduct a test flight in the United States by December 17, the centenary of Wright brothers' first flight.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(ゴーヤ、17 Jan 04

 

On December 5, Honda Company made it clear that it had developed a small jet airplane by itself, including a body and a jet engine. Honda Company is planning to conduct a test flight in the United States by December 17, which will be the 100th anniversary of the first airplane flight by Wright brothers.

 

添削

 

On December 5, Honda Company1 made it clear announced2 that it had developed a small jet airplane by itself3, including a body and a jet engine. Honda Company is planning to conduct a test flight in the United States by December 17, which will be4 the 100th anniversary of the first airplane flight by Wright brothers.

 

コメント

 

1.       ホンダは国際企業でHondaで通用します。

 

2.       「〜を明らかにした」は内容は「〜を発表した」なのでannouncedでよいです。

 

3.       Developは自分で開発したという意味を含んでいるのでby itselfは省略します。

 

4.       これは省略してもかまいません。

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 5, Honda announced that it had developed a small jet airplane, including a body and a jet engine. Honda is planning to conduct a test flight in the United States by December 17, the 100th anniversary of the first airplane flight by Wright brothers.

 

 

練習問題 122

 

徳島の民間経済研究所が12月18日発表した県内主要企業の2003年冬季ボーナス支給動向調査によると、1社当たりの平均支給額は昨冬の実績に比べ2100円(0.6%)増の37万1400円と3年ぶりに増加した。

 

読者からの投稿 13(BURU, 23 September 15

 

A private market research office in Tokushima revealed their report about the winter bonus of 2003 among major companies of Tokushima prefecture on 18 December. According to this report, an average bonus as per one company was 371,400yen that was increased 2100 yen, 0.6%, for the first time in three years compared with a last winter one.

 

添削

 

A private market research institute office in Tokushima revealed their its report about the winter bonus of 2003 among major companies of Tokushima pPrefecture on 18 December 181. According to this report, the an average bonus as per one company was 371,400yen that was an increased of 2100 yen, or 0.6%, from the last year. This2 was for the first time the average winter bonus increased in the last in three years compared with a last winter one.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、that was increased 2100 yen, 0.6%, for the first time in three years compared with a last winter oneのところが、分かり難いです。

 

1.       日時の記述法はいろいろありますが、この方が一般的です。

 

2.       ここの所は添削のように内容を二つに分けて、二つの文で表現するとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A private market research institute in Tokushima revealed its report about the winter bonus of 2003 among major companies of Tokushima Prefecture on December 181. According to this report, the average bonus as per one company was 371,400 yen that was an increase of 2100 yen, or 0.6%, from the last year. This was the first time the average winter bonus increased in the last three years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(Valley winds, 23 January 13

 

According to the actual conditions survey of 2003 winter bonuses paid by major companies in Tokushima Prefecture, which was revealed by a private economic research in this prefecture. The average payment par a company is 371400 yen and increase for 2100 yen (0.6 percent) compared with last winter. This increase is for the first time in three years.

 

添削

 

According to a the actual conditions survey of 2003 winter bonuses paid by major companies in Tokushima Prefecture, which was revealed by a private economic research in this prefecture1., Tthe average bonus per person2 payment par a company was is 371,400 yen, and an increase of for 2,100 yen (0.6 percent) from compared with the last winter. This increase was is for the first time in three years.

 

コメント

 

1.       内容のすべてがわかりますが、According to からin this prefecture.は文ではありません。

 

2.       「1社当たりの平均支給額」は「この調査に入っていた会社全体のボーナスの従業員一人あたりの平均ボーナス」という意味ですね。the average bonus per company とすると「一社あたりの平均全ボーナス支給額」になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to a survey of 2003 winter bonuses paid by major companies in Tokushima Prefecture, which was revealed by a private economic research in this prefecture1, the average bonus per person was 371,400 yen, an increase of 2,100 yen (0.6 percent) from  the last winter. This increase was the first time in three years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(かい、11 February 11

 

On December 18, the private economic research institute in Tokushima released the survey results about the trend of Tokushima's major company's winter-time bonus payments in 2003. According to the survey, the average bonus payment per one company compared with last winter's payment had been 371,400 yen , representing 2,100yen (0.6%) increase for the first time in three years.

 

添削

 

On December 18, the a1 private economic research institute in Tokushima released the survey results about the trend in winter-time bonus payments 2 of Tokushima's major company'sies winter-time bonus payments in 2003. According to the survey, the average bonus payment per one company compared with last winter's payment had been3 was 371,400 yen , representing a 2,100yen (0.6%) increase from last year. This4 was for the first time the winter bonus increased in the last three years.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       文章で初出のinstituteなので不定冠詞になります。

 

2.       the trend of Tokushima's major company's winter-time bonus payments in 2003はこのままでも内容はわかりますが、英文では名詞の続く長い名詞句を嫌います(新聞では結構多いのですが)。添削のように添削のような順序にすると、the trend in winter-time bonus paymentof Tokushima’s major companies in 2003が二つになって読みやすくなります。

 

3.       日本文は「1社当たりの平均支給額」ありますが、これは「雇用人一人あたりのボーナス」ですね。the average bonus payment per one compとすると「一社あたりの平均総額ボーナス」という意味にとれます。

 

4.       「3年ぶりに増加した」は添削のように新しい文にすると内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 18, a private economic research institute in Tokushima released the survey results about the trend in winter-time bonus payments of Tokushima's major companies in 2003. According to the survey, the average bonus payment was 371,400 yen, representing a 2,100yen (0.6%) increase from last year. This was the first time the winter bonus increased in the last three years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(mxtomi, 27 November 09

 

On December 18, a private economic research institute in Tokushima Prefecture announced its survey results on 2003 winter bonus payments by the prefecture’s major businesses. The results indicated that the average amount of winter bonus for an employee increased to 371,400 yen, up 2,100 yen or 0.6% versus last year. This represents the first increase in three years.

 

添削

 

On December 18, a private economic research institute in Tokushima Prefecture announced its survey results on 2003 winter bonus payments by the prefecture’s major businesses. The results indicated that the average amount of winter bonus for an employee increased to 371,400 yen, up 2,100 yen or 0.6% versus from last year. This representsed1 the first increase in three years.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       この文章は内容が一つなので、この文でも前の文の時制が適用されて過去形になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 18, a private economic research institute in Tokushima Prefecture announced its survey results on 2003 winter bonus payments by the prefecture’s major businesses. The results indicated that the average amount of winter bonus for an employee increased to 371,400 yen, up 2,100 yen or 0.6% from last year. This represented1 the first increase in three years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(kk, 12 June 08

 

On December 18, a private economic research institute in Tokushima Prefecture released the results of its public opinion survey on winter bonus payments in 2003 at major companies in the prefecture. This survey showed that an average payment of the winter bonus per company was 371,400 yen, which was 2,100 yen or 0.6 percent higher than the last year for the first time in three years.

 

添削

 

On December 18, a private economic research institute in Tokushima Prefecture released the results of its public opinion1 survey on winter bonus payments in 2003 at major companies in the prefecture. The results2 This survey showed that the an average payment of the winter bonus per company was 371,400 yen, which was 2,100 yen or 0.6 percent higher than the last year. This was3 for the first time the winter bonus increased in the last three years.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       ボーナスの額の調査で意見の調査ではないので、public opinionは要りません。

 

2.       すでにthe results of its survey文章中に出ているので、ここもthe results showedとするとよいでしょう。

 

3.       for the first time in three yearsが文の何処に掛かるのかはっきりしません。新しい文にしてはどうでしょうか。

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 18, a private economic research institute in Tokushima Prefecture released the results of its survey on winter bonus payments in 2003 at major companies in the prefecture. The results showed that the average payment of the winter bonus was 371,400 yen, which was 2,100 yen or 0.6 percent higher than the last year. This was the first time the winter bonus increased in the last three years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(dunkel, 27 May 08

 

A private institute of economy in Tokushima Prefecture announced the result of a survey on the amount of bonus payment for each employee in major companies in Tokushima Prefecture in winter 2003. The average amount of the bonus was 371,400 yen and that was 2,100 yen (0.6 percent) higher than that of last year. The bonus in Tokushima Prefecture increased for the first time in three years.

 

添削

 

A private economic research institute of economy in Tokushima City Prefecture announced the results of its a survey of on the amount of winter bonus payment for each employee in at major companies in Tokushima Prefecture in winter 2003. The average amount of the bonus was 371,400 yen and that was 2,100 yen (0.6 percent) higher than that of last year. The bonus in Tokushima Prefecture increased for the first time in three years.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。日本文は一つの長い文ですが、英文はわかりやすく適切に三つの文に分けて内容を表現していますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

A private economic research institute in Tokushima City announced the results of its  survey of the amount of winter bonus payment at major companies in Tokushima Prefecture in 2003. The average amount of the bonus was 371,400 yen and that was 2,100 yen (0.6 percent) higher than that of last year. The bonus in Tokushima Prefecture increased for the first time in three years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(岩ちゃん、25 June 07

 

A private economic research institution in Tokushima Prefecture announced the survey for the average winter bonus paid by the main companies in the prefecture in 2003 on December 18. According to the survey, this year's average bonus per one company increased 2,100 yen (0.6%) to 371,400 yen, compared with last year's winter bonus. This increased after three years' absence.

 

添削

 

A private economic research institutione in Tokushima Prefecture announced the results of a survey for on the average winter bonus in 20031 paid by the main major companies in the prefecture in 2003 on December 18. According to the survey, this year's average bonus per one company increased by 2,100 yen (0.6%) to 371,400 yen from last year2, compared with last year's winter bonus. This The average winter bonus increased for the first time in the last after three years' absence.

 

コメント

 

1.       ~ in 2003 on December 18と続くとわかり難いので、in 2003は添削の場所に置くとよいでしょう。

 

2.       My monthly salary increased by 20,000 yen from 52,000 yen last year to 72,000 yen this year. という形で表現するとわかりやすいです。

 

添削後の文章

 

A private economic research institute in Tokushima Prefecture announced the results of a survey on the average winter bonus in 2003 paid by major companies in the prefecture on December 18. According to the survey, this year's average bonus per company increased by 2,100 yen (0.6%) to 371,400 yen from last year. The average winter bonus increased for the first time in the last three years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(散歩人、17 June 07

 

A private economic laboratory in Tokushima Prefecture reported a tendency for giving a winter bonus of main companies in Tokushima Prefecture on December 18th. According to this survey, an average payment of this winter bonus per a company increases by 2,100 yen(0.6%) and reaches 371,400 yen. The last time of an increase of the payment was three years ago.

 

添削

 

A private economic laboratory research institute in Tokushima Prefecture reported the results of its survey1 of a tendency for giving a winter bonuses of by main companies in Tokushima Prefecture on December 18th. According to this the survey, an the2 average payment of for this winter’s bonuses per a company increasesd by 2,100 yen (0.6%) from last year and reachesd 371,400 yen. The last time when winter bonuses increased of an increase of the payment was three years ago3.

 

コメント

 

1.       動向調査という言葉がよく使われますが、単にa surveyでよいでしょう。

 

2.       この調査の結果の平均値なので定冠詞になります。

 

3.       〜が3年ぶりに増加した、というのはけっこう英語表現が難しいですね。Winter bonuses increased for the first time in the last three years.という表現もありますが、散歩人さんは不風をして、「冬のボーナスが最後の上昇したのは三年前でした。」と言い換えていますね。「最後は三年前でした。」「冬のボーナスが上昇した。」The last time was three years ago. Winter bonuses increased.と二つの小文にしてからつなげると、The last time when winter bonuses increased was three years ago.となります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A private economic research institute in Tokushima Prefecture reported the results of its survey of winter bonuses by main companies in Tokushima Prefecture on December 18th. According to the survey, the average payment for this winter’s bonuses per company increased by 2,100 yen (0.6%) from last year and reached 371,400 yen. The last time when winter bonuses increased was three years ago.

 

読者からの投稿 5(Kalo, 21 February 07

 

On December 18, a private economic research institution in Tokushima announced the results of a trend survey on 2003 winter bonus payment by leading companies there. The findings showed that an average per employee bonus payment increased by \ 2,100 or 0.6% to \ 371,400 over the last year's level, which was the first time in three years.

 

添削

 

On December 18, a private economic research institution in Tokushima announced the results of a trend survey1 on of 2003 winter bonus payments by leading companies there in Tokushima Prefecture2. The findings results3 showed that an average per employee amount of bonus payment increased by \ 2,100 or 0.6% to \ 371,400 over the last year's level4,. The average winter bonus increased which was for the first time in three years5.

 

コメント

 

1.       「動向調査」とありますが、英文では単にa surveyでよいでしょう。

 

2.       徳島市と徳島県があり、共に英文ではTokushimaと省略して記述することがあります。日本文でこの研究所がある「徳島」は多分徳島市のことでしょうが、調査の対象は県内とあるので添削のようにはっきりさせるとよいでしょう。

 

3.       前の文にthe resultsとあるので、同じ言葉を使うと内容が明確になります。

 

4.       increased by \ 2,100 or 0.6% to \ 371,400 over the last year's levelは簡潔な表現ですね。

 

5.       この内容は独立した文にしたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 18, a private economic research institution in Tokushima announced the results of a survey of 2003 winter bonus payments by leading companies in Tokushima Prefecture. The results showed that an average amount of bonus increased by \ 2,100 or 0.6% to \ 371,400 over the last year's level. The average winter bonus increased for the first time in three years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Kappa2006, 13 August 06

 

On December 18, a private economic research institute in Tokushima published the trend survey of 2003 winter bonus payment of main enterprises in the Tokushima Prefecture. Average amount paid was increased by 2,100 yen (0.6%) from those of last winter to 371,400 yen. It has increased after an interval of three years.

 

添削

 

On December 18, a private economic research institute in Tokushima published the trend survey of 2003 winter bonus payment of by main enterprises in the Tokushima Prefecture1. The Aaverage amount paid was increased by 2,100 yen (0.6%) from those that of last winter to 371,400 yen. It has increased for the first time in after an interval of three years2.

 

コメント

 

1.       日本文はいろいろな情報を一つの文に入れているので、英文ではどこで内容を区切って表現するかがコツですね。ここのところで区切るとわかりやすいですね。

 

2.       「三年ぶりに冬のボーナスが増加した。」の三年ぶりが難しいですね。わたしは次のような例で考えて見ました。2000年のボーナス40万円、2001年のボーナス38万円、2002年のボーナス36万円、2003年のボーナス37万円。するとボーナスは2000年から数えて三年目に増加しました。これを三年ぶりに増加したというのだと思います。it increased for the first time in three yearsでいいですね。increased after an interval of three yearsan intervalの間にボーナスがどのように増減したかはっきりしません。It finally increased in 2003 after decreasing in 2001 and 2002.とすればもっと明確になりますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 18, a private economic research institute in Tokushima published the trend survey of 2003 winter bonus payment by main enterprises in Tokushima Prefecture. The average amount paid increased by 2,100 yen (0.6%) from that of last winter to 371,400 yen. It increased for the first time in three years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント、19 October 04

 

A private economy research institute in Tokushima Prefecture conducted a survey of the winter bonus payment for 2003 of major corporations in the prefecture. According to the result announced on December 18, the average amount per company increased for the first time in three years by \2,100(0.6%) to \371,400 compared with that of last winter.

 

添削

 

A private economy research institute in Tokushima Prefecture conducted a survey of the  winter bonus payments for 20031 of by major corporations in the prefecture for this year. According to the result announced on December 18, the average amount per company increased for the first time in three years and reached by \2,100(0.6%) to \371,400. This was an increase of \2,100 (or 0.6%) from last year.2  compared with that of last winter.

 

コメント

 

1.       bonus payments for 2003 of major corporations in the prefectureと続くと、「県内の主要企業のうちの2003社のボーナス」ともとれて紛らわしいので添削のようにしました。

 

2.       「3年ぶりに増加した」と「昨冬の実績に比べ2100円(0.6%)増の37万1400円増加した」の二つの内容があるので、添削のように二つの文に分けたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A private economy research institute in Tokushima Prefecture conducted a survey of the  winter bonus payments by major corporations in the prefecture for this year. According to the result announced on December 18, the average amount per company increased for the first time in three years and reached \371,400. This was an increase of \2,100 (or 0.6%) from last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Knight, 21 April 04

 

A nongovernmental economic institute in Tokushima City conducted a survey of the winter bonus which major companies in the prefecture will pay in 2003. According to the survey results announced on December 18, the average amount for a bonus increased for the first time in three years by 2,100 yen (0.6%) to 371,400 yen over last year.

 

添削

 

A nongovernmental private economic research institute in Tokushima City conducted a survey of the winter bonuses which by major companies in the prefecture will pay in 20031. According to the survey results announced on December 18, the average amount for a bonus of bonuses increased for the first time in three years and reached 371,400 yen2. This was an increase of  by 2,100 yen (0.6%) to 371,400 yen over last year.

 

コメント

 

ここは文脈から考えてこのように簡略にしてよいでしょう。

 

数字がつながるので、ここでいったん文を切ったほうがわかりやすくなります。数字のいくつも入った文はいくつかに分けて、それぞれの文に出てくる数字を少なくするとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A private economic research institute in Tokushima City conducted a survey of winter bonuses by major companies in the prefecture in 2003. According to the survey results announced on December 18, the average amount of bonuses increased for the first time in three years and reached 371,400 yen. This was an increase of 2,100 yen (0.6%) over last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(ただみ、15 Jan 04

 

According to a survey of winter bonuses of major companies in Tokushima Prefecture by a private research economic research institution on December 18, the average amount of bonus this year was 371,400 yen and was larger than that of last year by 2,100 yen or 0.6 percent for the first time in the last three years.

 

添削

 

According to the results of a survey of winter bonuses of paid by major companies in Tokushima Prefecture by a private research economic research institution institute in the City of Tokushima on December 18, the average amount of for a bonus this year winner was 371,400 yen and was larger than that of last year by,which was 2,100 yen or (0.6 percent) higher than last year1. The average amount for a bonus increased2 for the first time in the last three years3.

 

コメント

 

1.       このようにすると簡単になります。

 

2.       「3年ぶりに増加した」を独立した文にすると内容が明確になります。

 

3.       「徳島の民間経済研究所が発表した調査によると」という形式は練習問題に多く出てきますが、According to the results of a surveyとするより、民間経済研究所を主語にすると内容がわかりやすくなる事があります。

 

On December 18, a private economic research institute in the City of Tokushima announced the results of its survey of winter bonuses paid by major companies in Tokushima Prefecture. The average amount for a bonus this winter was 371,400 yen, which was 2,100 yen higher than last year. The average amount for a bonus increased for the first time in the last three years.

 

 

練習問題 123

 

秋田市の住宅街に出没し、12月17日に同市の森山動物園に保護された雄のニホンザルは18日仁別の山林に運ばれ自然に放たれた。サルは再び人里へ下りてきた時に判別できるように、頭や腰をスプレーで黒色に塗られた。

 

読者からの投稿 12(BURU, 23 September 15

 

Appeared in residential area of Akita city, a male Japanese monkey was caught to Moriyama zoo in Akita on 17 December. The monkey was released to a mountain at Jinbetsu the next day. He was painted black on his head and back for distinction purpose if he comes back to the city again. 

 

添削

 

 

On December 17, a male Japanese monkey1 Aappeared in the residential area of Akita cCity, and a male Japanese monkey was caught and sent to Moriyama zZoo in the city Akita on 17 December. On December 18, Tthe monkey was released to a mountain at Jinbetsu the next day. He was painted black on his head and back for recognition distinction purpose if he would comes back to the city again. 

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       時間の経過に従って事柄を記述すると内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 17, a male Japanese monkey appeared in the residential area of Akita City and was caught and sent to Moriyama Zoo in the city. On December 18, the monkey was released to a mountain at Jinbetsu. He was painted black on his head and back for recognition if he would comes back to the city again. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(Valley winds, 23 January 13

 

A female monkey that appeared frequently in residential areas and was arrested by the Moriyama Zoo in Akita City on December 17 was moved a forest in Nibetsu and released into the nature. The monkey was painted with black spray on the head and waist so that people could identify it when it would appear again.

 

添削

 

A female monkey that had appeared frequently in the residential areas of Akita City and was arrested by the staff of the Moriyama Zoo in the city Akita City on December 17 and was released into moved a forest in Nibetsu and released into the nature1. The monkey was painted with black paint spray on the head and waist so that people could identify it when it would appear again.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       内容が重複するのでこれだけでよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A female monkey that had appeared frequently in the residential area of Akita City was arrested by the staff of the Moriyama Zoo in the city on December 17 and released into a forest in Nibetsu. The monkey was painted with black paint on the head and waist so that people could identify it when it would appear again.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(かい、11 February 11

 

A male monkey appeared around housing estate in Akita city and was conserved by Moriyama zoo in the same city on December 17. After that the monkey was taken to Ninbetsu mountain forest and was released to the nature on the next day. In case the monkey will get down the mountain to residential district, it's head and loin was coated with black-colored spray to distinguish others.

 

添削

 

On December 171, Aa male monkey appeared in the around residential district housing estate in Akita cCity. The monkey2  and was captured 3conserved by Moriyama zZoo in the same city on December 17. After that tThe monkey was taken to Ninbetsu mountain forests in NInbetsu and was released to the nature on the next day. after In case the monkey will get down the mountain to residential district, it's its head and loin was sprayed coated with black paint -colored spray to distinguish it from others when4 the monkey comes out of the mountain to the residential district again.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       従来は日時は文末に置くことが多かったのですが、新聞記事では文頭に置くのが一般的です。新聞記事風の簡潔な文章を読み慣れてくると、文頭に置いたほうが気持ちが良くなります。

 

2.       andで続けるより、新しい文にした方が、内容に(大げさですが)サスペンスが生まれます。「猿が住宅地にでてきた」(さてどうなるかな?)「動物園に捕まった」(やれやれ)という感じです。

 

3.       be conservedとすると「猿は(人間にいじめられないように)保護された。」になります。ここでは「猿が人間に危害を加えないように捕獲した。」でしょう。

 

4.       添削のような内容の順序にすると内容がわかりやすくなります。in case ~は特殊な場合の仮定に使います。大きな辞書で調べてください。

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 17, a male monkey appeared in the residential district in Akita City. The monkey was captured by Moriyama Zoo in the city. The monkey was taken to mountain forests in NInbetsu and released on the next day after Its head and loin was sprayed with black paint to distinguish it from others when the monkey comes out of the mountain to the residential district again.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(mxtomi, 27 November 09

 

A male Japanese monkey who had hanged around a residential district in Akita City was taken into Moriyama Zoo in the same city on December 17. Next day, the monkey was sent to a forest in Nibetu, where he had his head and waist sprayed with black paint for easier identification in the event of his reappearance and then released back into the wild.

 

添削

 

A male Japanese monkey who had hanged around a residential district in Akita City was caught and taken into to Moriyama Zoo in the same city on December 17. Next day, the monkey got his head and waist painted black and released the monkey was sent to a forest in the Nibetu area.,  where he had his head and waist sprayed with black paint Paining was for easier identification when the monkey would appears in the residential area again in the event of his reappearance and then released back into the wild.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかりますが、添削のように内容の順序を変えたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A male Japanese monkey who had hanged around a residential district in Akita City was caught and taken to Moriyama Zoo in the same city on December 17. Next day, the monkey got his head and waist painted black and released to a forest in the Nibetu area. Paining was for easier identification when the monkey would appears in the residential area again .

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(kk, 13 June 08

 

The male Japanese monkey which had been prowling around the residential area was caught by Moriyama Zoo in Akita City on December 17. The monkey was released to nature in Nibetsu forest the next day, after getting his head and waist painted black by a spray paint in order to be recognized if he would come down to the residential area again.

 

添削

 

The A male Japanese monkey which had been prowling around the residential area in Akita City1 was caught by Moriyama Zoo in the city Akita City on December 17. The monkey was released to the mountains nature in in Nibetsu forest the next day, after getting his head and waist painted black by a spray paint in order to be recognized if he would come down to the residential area again.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       秋田市の住宅街なのでここにin Akita Cityと入れるとよいでしょう。Moriyama Zooのあとにおくと森山動物園だけが秋田市にあるような印象になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A male Japanese monkey which had been prowling around the residential area in Akita City was caught by Moriyama Zoo in the city on December 17. The monkey was released to the mountains in Nibetsu next day after getting his head and waist painted black by a spray paint in order to be recognized if he would come down to the residential area again.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 28 May 08

 

A male Japanese monkey which had appeared several times at the residential area in Akita City caught by staffs of Moriyama zoo in the city on December 17. The monkey was painted his head and waist black by the spray for distinguishing him from other monkeys if he would go down again from the mountain and then released the next day.  

 

添削

 

A male Japanese monkey which had appeared several times at the residential area in Akita City was caught by the staffs of Moriyama zZoo in the city on December 17. The monkey was got painted his head and waist painted1 black by the a spray for distinguishing him from other monkeys if he would come2 go down to the residential area again from the mountains before3 he was and then released the next day.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       The monkey was painted black on his head and waist.または添削のようになります。

 

2.       遠いところから近くのところに来るので、come downになります。

 

3.       before ~ですが、「そして 〜」という時間の順序になります。投稿のままでもよいですが、添削のほうが時間関係がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

A male Japanese monkey which had appeared several times at the residential area in Akita City was caught by the staff of Moriyama Zoo in the city on December 17. The monkey got  his head and waist painted black by a spray for distinguishing him from other monkeys if he would come down to the residential area again from the mountains before he was released the next day.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、25 June 07

 

A male monkey which appeared in a residence area in Akita City was caught and carried to Moriyama Zoo in the city on December 17. On December 18, the monkey was carried and released to a forest in Ninbetsu. When the monkey again returned to where people live, to distinguish it from other monkeys, its head and back was painted in black with a color spray.

 

添削

 

A male monkey which appeared in a residence area in Akita City was caught and carried to Moriyama Zoo in the city on December 17. On December 18, the monkey was carried and released to a forest in Ninbetsu. When the monkey again returned to where people live, to distinguish it from other monkeys, The monkey’s its head and back was painted in black with a color spray so that it could be recognized when it again returned to a residential area1.

 

コメント

 

1.       この長い文で一番大切なところ、「頭や腰をスプレーで黒色に塗られた」を文の主節にして文の最初に置くと、文全体の意味を把握しやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A male monkey which appeared in a residence area in Akita City was caught and carried to Moriyama Zoo in the city on December 17. On December 18, the monkey was carried and released to a forest in Ninbetsu. The monkey’s head and back was painted black with a color spray so that it could be recognized when it again returned to a residential area.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、19 June 07

 

A male Japanese macaque came to a suburb in Akita City suddenly and was captured by the Moriyama Zoo in Akita City on December 17th. The macaque was carried to a mountain forest in the Nibetu City and released there. The macaque's head and waist were coloured black with a spray bottle to distinguish whether the macaque or not when a Japanese macaque comes to town again.

 

添削

 

A male Japanese macaque came appeared in the residential district to a suburb in Akita City suddenly and was captured by the Moriyama Zoo in Akita City on December 17th. The macaque was carried to a the mountain forests in the mountains in the Nibetu City and released there. Before being released into the forests1, Tthe macaque's head and waist were coloured black with a spray paint bottle to distinguish it from other2 whether the macaques or not when a this Japanese macaque comes came to town again.

コメント

 

1.       前の文の内容と重なりますが、いつペンキを塗ったかはっきりさせるために入れたほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       distinguish A from Bという形で使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

A male Japanese macaque appeared in the residential district in Akita City and was captured by Moriyama Zoo on December 17th. The macaque was carried to the forests in the mountains in the Nibetu City and released there. Before being released into the forests, the macaque's head and waist were coloured black with spray paint to distinguish it from other macaques when this Japanese macaque came to town again.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Kappa2006, 13 August 06

 

A male Nippon monkey appeared in a residence village of Akita City and was taken to the Moriyama Zoo in the city on December 17. It was transparted and released into the nature of Nishibetsu on the next day. The monkey was painted black in the head and waist with spray so that it can be recognized when returns in the village again.

 

添削

 

A male Nippon monkey that1 had appeared in the residential district a residence village of Akita City and was captured and taken to the Moriyama Zoo in the city on December 17. It The monkey2 was transpoarted and released into the nature forest of Nishibetsu on the next day. after3 The monkey it was painted black in the head and waist with a spray so that it can could4 be recognized when it would returns to the city in the village again.

 

コメント

 

1.       それまで住宅街に出没していたサルが捕らえられた、という時間の関係なのでここでは関係代名詞を使い、had appearedとすると、この時間関係がはっきりします。

 

2.       代名詞ではなくて名詞にしたほうが読者にわかりやすくなります。

 

3.       時間の関係をはっきりするために、ここにafterを入れて文をつなげるとよいでしょう。

 

4.       was paintedの時制に合わせて、could, wouldにします。日本語の感覚ですと、これから先のことなのでcan, willのほうが納得がいきますが、英語の時制の感覚はcould, wouldのほうが自然に聞こえます。不思議なものです。

 

添削後の文章

 

A male Nippon monkey that had appeared in the residential district of Akita City was captured and taken to Moriyama Zoo in the city on December 17. The monkey was transported and released into the forest of Nishibetsu on the next day after it was painted black in the head and waist with a spray so that it could be recognized when it would return to the city again.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、21 October 04

 

A wild Japanese male monkey, which had suddenly appeared in a residential area in Akita City and was taken into custody at the Moriyama Zoological Garden in the city on December 17th, was carried to the woods in Nibetsu for a release on the 18th. The monkey was painted black on the head or around the hips by a spray so that it can be recognized when it comes to town from the mountains.

 

添削

 

On December 17th, A a wild Japanese male monkey, which who had had been roaming around1 suddenly appeared in a the residential area in Akita City, and was taken into custody at the Moriyama Zoological Garden in the city2.  on December 17th, On the next day, the monkey was carried to the woods in Nibetsu for a release on the 18th. The monkey was after being painted black on the head or and around the hips by a spray so that it the monkey can could be recognized when it comes would come down to the residential district town from the mountains again.

 

コメント

 

1.       「住宅街に出没し」とあるので、12月17日につかまる前に何回も住宅地に来ていたのでしょう。

 

2.       この文章は物事の時間関係が面倒なので、ここで文を切って、次の文をOn the next day ~とすると時間の経過がはっきりするとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 17th, a wild Japanese male monkey, who had had been roaming around the residential area in Akita City, was taken into custody at the Moriyama Zoological Garden in the city. On the next day, the monkey was carried to the woods in Nibetsu for a release after being painted black on the head and around the hip by a spray so that the monkey could be recognized when it would come down to the residential district from the mountains again.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Knight, 10 April 04

 

On December 17, a male Japanese monkey was put under the protection of Moriyama Zoo in Akita City after making frequent appearances in the residential blocks. He was took to the mountain forest in Ninbetsu to be released the next day. His head and hip was sprayed with black paint so that he could be identified when returning to residential districts.

 

添削

 

On December 17, a male Japanese monkey was captured1 and put under the protection of Moriyama Zoo in Akita City after making frequent appearances in the residential blocks area. On the following day, He the monkey was took released2 to the mountain forest in Ninbetsu to be released the next day., after3 Hhis head and hip was were sprayed with black paint so that he could be identified when returning to the residential districts area.

 

コメント

 

1.       put under the protection of Moriyama Zooだけですと、どうして「保護」されたのか、少し曖昧です。was capturedといれました。次の文で事情がわかるので、もっと簡単にするなら、a male Japanese monkey was captured by Moriyama Zoo ~でもよいでしょう。

 

2.       was releasedだけでよいでしょう。was taken to ~ to be released とすると内容の重複があります。

 

3.       afterをいれて前の文との因果関係をつけました。Afterを使わないときは文章の最後の文を前に移動して、The monkey was sprayed with black paint on the head and hip so that ~. Then, he was released to ~.という文の順序にしたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 17, a male Japanese monkey was captured and put under the protection of Moriyama Zoo in Akita City after making frequent appearances in the residential area. On the following day, the monkey was released to the mountain forest in Ninbetsu, after his head and hip were sprayed with black paint so that he could be identified when returning to the residential area.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(ただみ、15 Jan 04

 

On December 17, a male Japanese monkey, which had been roaming the residential district in the City of Akita, was captured by Moriyama Zoo. On December 18, the monkey was released to the forests in Nibetsu. The monkey was sprayed with black paint on the head and hip so that it could be recognized if he would come into the residential area again.

 

添削

 

On December 17, a male Japanese monkey, which that1 had been roaming the residential district in the City of Akita, was captured by Moriyama Zoo. On December 18, the monkey was released to into the forests in Nibetsu2. The monkey was sprayed with black paint on the head and hip so that it could be recognized if he would come into the residential area again.

 

1.       ここは関係代名詞の限定用法のほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       「秋田市の住宅街に出没し、12月17日に同市の森山動物園に保護された雄のニホンザルは18日仁別の山林に運ばれ自然に放たれた。」は、主語のニホンザルの説明が長い修飾節になっていて、日本文に良く見られる構文です。この文は、ただみさんのように次のように言い換えてから英文で表現するとやさしくなります。「雄のニホンザルが秋田市の住宅街に出没していた。12月17日にこのサルは同市の森山動物園に保護された。12月18日に、このサルは仁別の森林に放たれた。」

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 17, a male Japanese monkey that had been roaming the residential district in the City of Akita was captured by Moriyama Zoo. On December 18, the monkey was released into the forests in Nibetsu. The monkey was sprayed with black paint on the head and hip so that it could be recognized if he would come into the residential area again.

 

練習問題 124

 

霞ケ浦でコイヘルペス(KHV)に感染した養殖ゴイが大量死した問題で、茨城県は12月17日にすべての養殖業者に対し、養殖ゴイの全量について処分命令を出すことを決めた。

 

読者からの投稿 12(BURU, 29 September 15

 

Regarding the issue which many farmed carp infected with KHV at Kasumigaura, the prefectural office of Ibaraki made the decision on December 17. The office will order to all of its farmed companies to dispose all carp.

 

添削

 

Regarding the death of issue which many farmed carp infected with KHV at Kasumigaura Lake, the prefectural government office of Ibaraki made the a decision on December 17 that the carp . The office will order to all of its farmeding companies must to destroy1 dispose all their carp.

 

コメント

 

細かいところが曖昧ですが、内容の概略はわかります。

 

1.       処分命令は「養殖ゴイを殺すこと」ですから、disposeよりdestroy のほうが良いです。

 

添削後の文章

 

Regarding the death of many farmed carp infected with KHV at Kasumigaura Lake, the prefectural government of Ibaraki made a decision on December 17 that the carp farming companies must destroy all their carp.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(Valley winds, 28 January 13

 

Toward the problem that many cultivated carp diseased KHV had died in the Kasumigaura Lake, Ibaragi Prefecture decided on December 17 to issue the command that all cultivating dealer should dispose of all their carp.

 

添削

 

In response to Toward the problem that many cultivated carp got infected by diseased KHV and had died in the Kasumigaura Lake, Ibaragi Prefecture decided on December 17 to issue an administrative order the command that all carp cultivatingor dealer should dispose of all their carp.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

In response to the problem that many cultivated carp got infected by KHV and died in the Kasumigaura Lake, Ibaragi Prefecture decided on December 17 to issue an administrative order that all carp cultivator should dispose of all their carp.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(かい、11 February 11

 

On December 17, Ibaraki prefectural government decided to issue an order for the disposal of all farmed carps to all farmers in the prefecture. The reason is that they have to handle the problem about the mortality of infected koi herpes virus (KHV) farmed carps in Kasumigaura.

 

添削

 

On December 17, the Ibaraki pPrefectural gGovernment1 decided to issue an order for the disposal of all farmed carps to all farmers in the prefecture. The government reason is that they have had2 to issue the order to deal with handle the problem of massive death of about the mortality carp of infected by the koi herpes virus (KHV) farmed carps in Lake Kasumigaura.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       固有名詞なので大文字を使います。

 

2.       The reason is that ~とするより、直裁にThe government had to ~とするほうがわかりやすいです。

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 17, the Ibaraki Prefectural Government decided to issue an order for the disposal of all farmed carp to all farmers in the prefecture. The government had to issue the order to deal with the problem of massive death of r carp infected by the koi herpes virus (KHV) farmed in Lake Kasumigaura.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(mxtomi, 27 November 09

 

On December 17, the Prefecture of Ibaragi decided to order every aqua culturist in the prefecture to dispose of all the cultured carp they own. This was in response to the mass death of the cultured carp from koi herpes virus(KHV) at the Lake Kasumigaura.

 

添削

 

On December 17, the Prefecture of Ibaragi decided to order every aqua culturist of carp in the prefecture to dispose of all of their cultured carp they own. This was in response to the resent mass death of the cultured carp from the koi herpes virus(KHV) at the Lake Kasumigaura.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 17, the Prefecture of Ibaragi decided to order every aqua culturist of carp in the prefecture to dispose of all of their cultured carp. This was in response to the resent mass death of the cultured carp from the koi herpes virus(KHV) at the Lake Kasumigaura.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(kk, 14 June 08

 

Following a heavy toll on farmed carps, which had been infected with KHV, Koi Herpes Virus, in Lake Kasumigaura on December 17, the Government of Ibaraki Prefecture decided to decree that every carp breeder should destroy all the farmed carps.

 

添削

 

Following a heavy death1 toll of on farmed carps, which had been infected with by2 KHV, Koi Herpes Virus, in Lake Kasumigaura on December 17, the Government of Ibaraki Prefecture decided to issue a decree on December 17 that every carp breeder should destroy all its the farmed carps.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       a tollは死亡、事故、災害の数を指しますが、ここではa death toll of farmed carpとするとはっきりします。

 

2.       投稿のままですと、コイヘルペスに感染した鯉が大量死した(死ななかった鯉もある)という解釈にもなりますから、添削のように簡単にしたほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Following a heavy death toll of farmed carp by KHV, Koi Herpes Virus in Lake Kasumigaura, the Government of Ibaraki Prefecture decided to issue a decree on December 17 that every carp breeder should destroy all its farmed carp.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 30 May 08

 

On December 17, the government of Ibaragi Prefecture decided to order all of the carp farms in the prefecture to dispose all of their farmed carps. This is because many farmed carps got suddenly dead by KHV, Koi Herpes Virus, in Lake Kasumigaura lately.

 

添削

 

On December 17, the gGovernment of Ibaragi Prefecture decided to order all of the carp farms in the prefecture to dispose all of their farmed carps. This was is because many farmed carps got suddenly died dead from by KHV, Koi Herpes Virus, in Lake Kasumigaura lately.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 17, the Government of Ibaragi Prefecture decided to order all carp farms in the prefecture to dispose all of their farmed carps. This was because many farmed carps  suddenly died from KHV, Koi Herpes Virus, in Lake Kasumigaura lately.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、26 June 07

 

A lot of cultivated carp which was infected with KHV died at Lake Kasumigaura. On December 17, Ibaragi Prefectural office decided to issue the orders to get rid of all cultivated carp for all carp farmers.

 

添削

 

A lot of cultivated carp died from which was infected with KHV1 died at Lake Kasumigaura. On December 17, the Ibaragi Prefectural Government office2 decided to issue the an orders to destroy get rid of3 all cultured cultivated carp of for all carp farmers.

 

コメント

 

1.       このほうが直裁な表現です。

 

2.       茨城県は「茨城県当局」のことですね。単にIbaraki Prefectureとするか、またはthe Government of Ibaraki Prefecture, the Ibaraki Prefectural Governmentと表現します。

 

3.       日本文には「処分する」とありますが、具体的にdestroyとするとよいでしょう。destroyは動物を処分するというときによく使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

A lot of cultivated carp died from KHV at Lake Kasumigaura. On December 17, the Ibaragi Prefectural Government decided to issue an order to destroy all cultured carp of carp farmers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、19 June 07

 

The problem that many framed carps died of koi herpes virus (KHV) at the Kasumigaura in Tsuchiumra City made Ibaragi Prefecture decide to order farmers in Tsuchiura City to put down a whole amount of carps on December 17th.

 

添削

 

On December 171, Tthe problem that many framed carps had2 died of the koi herpes virus (KHV) at the Kasumigaura Lake in Tsuchiumra City made Ibaragi Prefecture decide to order carp farmers in Tsuchiura City to destroy put down a whole amount of all carps on December 17th.

 

コメント

 

1.       この日付が文の最後の来ると養殖ゴイを12月17日に処分する、と読めます。

 

2.       処分命令がでる前の時点でコイの大量死があったので、一つ前の時点を示すために過去完了形にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 17, the problem that many framed carps had died of the koi herpes virus (KHV) at Kasumigaura Lake in Tsuchiura City made Ibaragi Prefecture to order carp farmers in Tsuchiura City to destroy all carps.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Kappa2006, 13 August 06

 

It is about a problem of huge amount of death of cultivated carp which were infected with carp herpes (KHV) in the Lake Kasumigaura. On December 17, Ibaragi Prefecture decided to issue a desposal instrudtion of the whole cultivated carp to all the cultivation dealers.

 

添削

 

It This1 is about a problem of the huge amount number of deaths of cultivated cultured carp which were infected with carp herpes (KHV) in the Lake Kasumigaura. On December 17, Ibaragi Prefecture decided to issue an order2 to dispose desposal instrudtion of the whole cultivated cultured carp to all the businesses culturing carp cultivation dealers.

 

コメント

 

1.       This is ~とすると、「これから述べることは 〜の問題についてである。」というようになります。It is ~とするとitが何を指すのかわからなくなります。

 

2.       命令はan orderがよいでしょう。instructionとすると処分の方法、という感じになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

This is about a problem of the huge number of deaths of cultured carp which were infected with carp herpes (KHV) in Lake Kasumigaura. On December 17, Ibaragi Prefecture decided to issue an order to dispose the whole cultured carp to all businesses culturing carp .

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、22 October 04

 

Farmed carp infected with the koi (carp) herpes virus (KHV) died in large numbers in Kasumigaura. In response to this, Ibaragi Prefecture decided to issue an order to all the carp breeders on December 17 that the whole lot of farmed carp should be abandoned.

 

添削

 

Farmed carp infected with the koi (carp) herpes virus (KHV) died in large numbers in Kasumigaura1. In response to this, on December 17, Ibaragi Prefecture decided to issue an order to all the carp breeders on December 17 that the whole lot of farmed carp should be abandoned destroyed2.

 

コメント

 

1.       日本文の内容を二つの英文にわけたので、わかりやすくなりました。

 

2.       should be destroyedのほうが内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Farmed carp infected with the koi (carp) herpes virus (KHV) died in large numbers in Kasumigaura. In response to this, on December 17, Ibaragi Prefecture decided to issue an order to all carp breeders that the whole lot of farmed carp should be destroyed.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Knight, 21 April 04

 

On December 17, the Ibaraki Prefectural Government decided to issue an order for all the fish farmers to dispose of the entire cultured carps, after cultured carps infected with "Koi Herpes Virus" (KHV) had died massively in Lake Kasumigaura.

添削

 

On December 17, the Ibaraki Prefectural Government decided to issue an order for to all the fish farmers that they should destroy1 to dispose of the entire school of cultured carps.,  after This was because a large number of2 cultured carps were infected by “Koi Herpes Virus (KHV) and were found dead infected with "Koi Herpes Virus" (KHV) had died massively in Lake Kasumigaura.

 

コメント

 

1.       命令の内容をthat節で文にするとはっきりとしてまた印象が強くなります。

 

2.       長い文なので、ここでいったん切って新しい文にしたほうが良いでしょう。また因果関係を「コイヘルプスに感染した、そして死んだ」とすると良いです。

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 17, the Ibaraki Prefectural Government decided to issue an order to all the fish farmers that they should destroy the entire school of cultured carps. This was because a large number of cultured carps were infected by “Koi Herpes Virus (KHV)” and were found dead in Lake Kasumigaura.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(K2, 20 Jan 04

 

On December 17, the Government of Ibaraki Prefecture has decided to order all fish-farms raising carp in the prefecture to destroy all carp at the fish farms. This decision was based on the recent incident that a large number of cultured carp were found dead by koi herpes at Kasumigaura Lake.

 

添削

 

On December 17, the Government of Ibaraki Prefecture has - decided to order all fish-farms to destroy all carp raising carp raised in the prefecture to destroy all carp at the fish farms1. This decision was based on the recent incident that where a large number of cultured carp were found dead by from koi herpes at Kasumigaura Lake2.

 

1.       添削のようにすると内容の重複を省略して文が簡単になります。

 

2.       K2さんは「霞ケ浦でコイヘルペス(KHV)に感染した養殖ゴイが大量死した問題で〜」を「この決定は霞ケ浦でコイヘルペス(KHV)に感染した養殖ゴイが大量死した出来事の結果である。」として2文目の文で表現しています。日本文ではこの内容が文の最初に説明として出てきますが、英文表現では一番大切な内容をキーセンテンスとして文章の最初に置くことが多く、説明はそのあとに続きます。複雑な構成の日本文の内容を英文で表現するときは、まずキーセンテンスは何か、と考えるとやさしくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 17, the Government of Ibaraki Prefecture - decided to order all fish-farms to destroy all carp raised in the prefecture. This decision was based on the recent incident where a large number of cultured carp were found dead from koi herpes at Kasumigaura Lake.

 

 

練習問題 125

 

朝のラッシュ時の1時間のうち40分以上遮断される踏切が全国に約500カ所あり、うち6カ所は一度も遮断機が上がらないことが、国土交通省の全国調査で分かった。

 

読者からの投稿 12(BURU, 8 October 15

 

According to the nationwide investigation report of crossings by Ministry of Land and Transportation, there are about five hundreds numbers of crossings closing over forty minutes per hour during the peak time in the morning. Specially, six of them were worst condition which couldn't open once in a hour.

 

添削

 

According to the nationwide survey investigation report of railway crossings by the Ministry of Land and Transportation, there are about five hundreds numbers of railway crossings closing closed over forty minutes per hour during the peak time in the morning. SEspecially, six of them are the were worst condition and do not which couldn't open even once in an hour.

 

コメント

 

内容のほぼすべてがわかりますが、crossings が正確に何を指すのかわかりません。

 

1.       最初の文が現在形なので、文章全体を現在形で統一します。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to the nationwide survey of railway crossings by the Ministry of Land and Transportation, there are about five hundred railway crossings closed over forty minutes per hour during the peak time in the morning. Especially, six of them are the worst and do not  open even once in an hour.



読者からの投稿 11(Valley winds, 28 January 13

 

About 500 railroad crossing in the whole country are blocking crossing for over 40 minutes an hour during the morning rush hour. 6 places of them are remaining close during this time. The nation-wide research by ministry of Land, Infrastructure and Transport showed.

 

添削

 

About 500 railroad crossings in the whole country are closed blocking crossing for over 40 minutes an hour during the morning rush hour. Six 61 of them places of them are remaining completely closed during this time. A The nation-wide survey research by the mMinistry of Land, Infrastructure and Transport showed the above findings.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       文頭に数字を使うと読みにくいので添削のようにします。

 

添削後の文章

 

About 500 railroad crossings in the whole country are closed for over 40 minutes an hour during the morning rush hour. Six of them remain completely closed during this time. A nation-wide survey by the Ministry of Land, Infrastructure and Transport showed the above findings.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(かい、14 February 11

 

A nationwide survey conducted by The Ministry of Land, Infrastructure and Transport showed that about 500 rail crossings across the country are closed for more than 40 minutes within an hour during morning rush and six of them are closed at all times.

 

添削

 

A nationwide survey conducted by The Ministry of Land, Infrastructure and Transport showed that about 500 rail crossings across the country are closed for more than 40 minutes within an hour during the morning rush and six of them are closed at all times.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A nationwide survey conducted by The Ministry of Land, Infrastructure and Transport showed that about 500 rail crossings across the country are closed for more than 40 minutes within an hour during the morning rush and six of them are closed at all times.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(mxtomi, 27 November 09

 

A nationwide survey by the Ministry of Land, Infrastructure and Transport has revealed that about 500 railroad crossings around the country are closed for more than 40 minutes an hour during peak morning times. In particular, six out of them are found to remain totally closed for the one hour.

 

添削

 

A nationwide survey by the Ministry of Land, Infrastructure and Transport has revealed that about 500 railroad crossings around the country are closed for more than 40 minutes an hour during the peak morning rush hours times. In particular, sSix out of them are found to remain totally closed for the one hour.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A nationwide survey by the Ministry of Land, Infrastructure and Transport has revealed that about 500 railroad crossings around the country are closed for more than 40 minutes an hour during the morning rush hours. Six of them are found to remain totally closed for one hour.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(kk, 15 June 08

 

According to a survey by the Ministry of Land, Infrastructure, Transport and Tourism, about 500 railroad crossings nationwide are shut down for over 40 minutes within an hour at the morning rush hours, of which six crossings are never open all the while.

 

添削

 

According to a survey by the Ministry of Land, Infrastructure, Transport and Tourism, about 500 railroad crossings nationwide are shut down for over 40 minutes every within an hour during at the morning rush hours, of which six crossings are never open all the while.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       40 minutes every hour during the morning rush hoursとすると内容がはっきりするでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to a survey by the Ministry of Land, Infrastructure, Transport and Tourism, about 500 railroad crossings nationwide are shut down for over 40 minutes every hour during the morning rush hours, of which six crossings are never open all the while.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 3 June 08

 

A national survey about railway crossings in Japan by the Ministry of Land, Infrastructure, Transport showed us that there were about 500 railway crossings which did not open more than 40 minutes in an hour during rush hour periods in the morning. To thing matters worse, six railway crossings out of those had been totally closed during the same period.

 

添削

 

A national survey about railway crossings in Japan by the Ministry of Land, Infrastructure, Transport showed us that there were about 500 railway crossings which were closed did not open1 more than 40 minutes in an hour during the morning rush hour periods in the morning. Moreover To thing matters worse2, six of them railway crossings out of those had been were totally closed during the same period.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかります。

 

1.       were closedと肯定形にしたほうが内容がはっきりします。

 

2.       To thing matters worseTo make the matter worseのことですか。

 

添削後の文章

 

A national survey about railway crossings in Japan by the Ministry of Land, Infrastructure, Transport showed us that there were about 500 railway crossings which were closed more than 40 minutes in an hour during the morning rush hour . Moreover, six of them were totally closed during the same period.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、26 June 07

 

The nationwide survey by the Ministry of Land, Infrastructure and Transport showed that there are about 500 crossings which closed over 40 minutes of one hour in the morning rush hour and six crossings of them never opened in the meantime.

 

添削

 

The A1 nationwide survey by the Ministry of Land, Infrastructure and Transport showed that there are were2 about 500 railway crossings which were3 closed over 40 minutes per of one hour in the morning rush hour and six crossings of them were3 never opened in the meantime4.

 

コメント

 

1.       よく知られている調査ならthe surveyですが、そうでないならa surveyになります。

 

2.       踏み切りの状態は現在でも同じでしょうが、英文では動詞の時制の一致で過去形にするのが一般的です。動詞の時制は英文の特徴である時間の前後関係を示す方法で、英語の癖の一つです。

 

3.       close, openは自動詞と他動詞の両方が使い方があり、この文章ではどちらでもよいですが、他動詞(この文章では受動態)にすると、踏切を誰かが開閉する、という意味になります。

 

4.       in the meantimeという表現がここでは適切ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

A nationwide survey by the Ministry of Land, Infrastructure and Transport showed that there were about 500 railway crossings which were closed over 40 minutes per hour in the morning rush hour and six crossings of them were never opened in the meantime.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、20 June 07

 

A nationwide survey by Ministry of Land, Infrastructure and Transport has revealed that there are about 500 rail crossings in Japan which are closed for more 40 minutes per an hour during morning rush hour periods, and the six rail crossings of them are permanently closed over an hour.

 

添削

 

A nationwide survey by the Ministry of Land, Infrastructure and Transport has revealed that there are about 500 rail crossings in Japan which are closed for more 40 minutes per an hour during the morning rush hours periods, and the six rail crossings of them are never open al all1 permanently closed over an hour.

 

コメント

 

1.       全体に読みやすい文章になっています。permanently closedというと、この時間には開けなないことになっている、という印象になります。実際はそうかもしれませんが、電車の往来が頻繁で開けたくても開けられない、という表現にはnever open at allがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A nationwide survey by the Ministry of Land, Infrastructure and Transport has revealed that there are about 500 rail crossings in Japan which are closed for more 40 minutes per an hour during the morning rush hours and six of them never open al all.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Kappa2006, 13 August 06

 

It was revealed by the whole nation survey of the Ministry of Land and Transportation. There were approximately 500 crossings in the nation which were closed for more than 40 minutes in an an hour during the morining rushtime. Among them, 6 crossings was never opened during the hour.

 

添削

 

It was revealed by the whole nation survey of the Ministry of Land and Transportation. that1 Tthere were approximately 500 railway crossings in the nation which were closed for more than 40 minutes in an an hour during the morining morning rush hour time. Among them, 6 crossings was were never opened during the rush hour.

 

コメント

 

1.       最初の文のItの内容がthat以下になります。ここから新しい文にするときには、最初の文をThis was revealed ~.とすると、このThisが二番目の文の内容を指すことになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

It was revealed by the whole nation survey of the Ministry of Land and Transportation that there were approximately 500 railway crossings which were closed for more than 40 minutes in an hour during the morning rush hour. Among them, 6 crossings were never opened during the rush hour.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、22 October 04

 

A nationwide survey conducted by the Ministry of Land, Infrastructure and Transport found that there are about five hundred railroad crossings across the country that are closed for forty minutes or more during the one-hour morning rush hour, and that the crossing gate of six railroad crossings are never opened during the same morning period.

 

添削

 

A nationwide survey conducted by the Ministry of Land, Infrastructure and Transport found that there are were1 about five hundred railroad crossings across the country that are were closed for forty minutes or more during the one-hour morning rush hour, and that the crossing gate of six of them2 railroad crossings are never did not open at all3 ed during the same morning period.

 

コメント

 

1.       動詞の時制の問題ですが、これらの踏み切りは現在も同様な状態なのでしょうが、the Ministry found that ~に呼応することと、一応はある過去の時点での調査なので、過去形にしたほうが自然に聞こえます。

 

2.       「一度も遮断機が上がらない」は文章の装飾なので、簡単にsix of themとしたほうが良いでしょう。

 

3.       never openedでも良いですが、did not open at allと少し長めにしたほうが、読んだときに文にリズムが出来ます。

 

添削後の文章

 

A nationwide survey conducted by the Ministry of Land, Infrastructure and Transport found that there were about five hundred railroad crossings across the country that were closed for forty minutes or more during the one-hour morning rush hour and that six of them did not open at all  during the same morning period.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Knight, 10 April 04

 

During the morning rush hour some five hundred railway crossings across the nation are closed more than forty minutes per hour, and six of them remain closed more than one hour. This was the finding of a nationwide survey by the Land, Infrastructure and Transportation Ministry.

 

 添削

 

During the morning rush hour, some five hundred railway crossings across the nation are closed more than forty minutes per hour, and six of them remain closed more than one hour1. This was the finding of a nationwide survey by the Land, Infrastructure and Transportation Ministry2.

 

コメント

 

「一度も遮断機が上がらない」を never opened even onceとしないでremain closedとしたのがよいですね。日本文で否定形になっているところも、英文では肯定形で表現できることがあります。

 

調査の内容を一つの文にして、This was the finding of ~と別の文にしたので文章がわかりやすくなっています。

 

添削後の文章

 

During the morning rush hour, some five hundred railway crossings across the nation are closed more than forty minutes per hour, and six of them remain closed more than one hour. This was the finding of a nationwide survey by the Land, Infrastructure and Transportation Ministry.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Michi, 20 Jan 04

 

A recent national survey by the Ministry of Land, Infrastructure, and Transportation found that there were about 500 railway grade crossings that were closed more than 40 minutes an hour during the morning rush time. Six of those railway grade crossings never opened during the morning rush time.

 

添削

 

A recent national survey by the Ministry of Land, Infrastructure, and Transportation found that there were about 500 railway grade crossings that were closed for more than 40 minutes an per hour during the morning rush time. Six of those railway grade crossings never opened at all during the morning rush time1.

 

コメント

 

「うち6カ所は一度も遮断機が上がらない。」をMichiさんはSix of those railway grade crossings never opened at all during the morning rush time.と表現しています。「遮断機があがらい」は内容を考えると単にnever opened でわかりますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

A recent national survey by the Ministry of Land, Infrastructure, and Transportation found that there were about 500 railway grade crossings that were closed for more than 40 minutes per hour during the morning rush time. Six of those railway grade crossings never opened at all during the morning rush time.

 

 

練習問題 126

 

世界気象機関(WMO)は12月16日、今年の地球の平均表面気温が、史上3番目の高温になる見通しを明らかにした。 地球温暖化は確実に進んでおり、WMOが分析したところ、北半球の90年代は過去1000年間で最も暑い10年だった。

 

読者からの投稿 13(BURU, 8 October 15

 

WMO announced on December 16 that the outlook average temperature of the surface of the earth in this year will become the third highest. Global warming has surely been aggravating. According to WMO, in 1990’s was the hottest decade in the Northern Hemisphere during last one thousand years.

 

添削

 

The World Meteorological Organization (WMO) announced on December 16 that the outlook average temperature of the surface of the earth in this year would will be become the third highest in history. Global warming has surely been steadily proceeding aggravating. According to WMO, in the 1990’s were was the hottest decade in the Nnorthern Hhemisphere during the last one thousand years.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てが推測できます。

 

1.       文章に初めて出てくるときは正確な名称を使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

The World Meteorological Organization (WMO) announced on December 16 that the  average temperature of the surface of the earth this year would be the third highest in history. Global warming has been steadily proceeding . According to WMO, the 1990’s were the hottest decade in the northern hemisphere during the last one thousand years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(Valley winds, 28 January 13

 

WHO revealed on December 16 that this year’s average temperature of the Earth’s surface could record the third highest temperature in history. The global warming has been proceeding certainly. 90’s on the north half of the Earth was the warmest decade for the past thousand years, according to the analysis by WHO.

 

添削

 

The World Meteorological Organization (WHO) announced revealed on December 16 that this year’s average temperature of the Earth’s surface could record the third highest temperature in history. The gGlobal warming has been proceeding certainly. The 1990’s in on the northern half of the Earth was the warmest decade in for the past thousand years, according to the analysis by WHO.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

WHO revealed on December 16 that this year’s average temperature of the Earth’s surface could record the third highest temperature in history. Global warming has been proceeding certainly. The 1990’s in the northern half of the Earth was the warmest decade in the past thousand years, according to WHO.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(OKEN, 26 June 12

 

World Meteorological Organization (WMO) revealed on December 16 that this year’s average surface temperatures of the earth will be the third hottest in history. According to the WMO’s analysis, global warming has constantly proceeded and ten years of nineties in the Northern Hemisphere was the hottest one in the past thousand years.

 

添削

 

The World Meteorological Organization (WMO) revealed on December 16 that this year’s average surface temperatures of the earth will be the third hottest in history. According to the WMO’s analysis, global warming has been steadily constantly proceededing1 and the ten years of 1990s nineties in the Nnorthern Hhemisphere was the hottest one in the past thousand years.

 

コメント

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       現在も進行しているので、このようにするのがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The World Meteorological Organization (WMO) revealed on December 16 that this year’s average surface temperatures of the earth will be the third hottest in history. According to the WMO’s analysis, global warming has been steadily proceeding and the ten years of 1990s  in the northern hemisphere was the hottest one in the past thousand years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(かい、15 February 11

 

On December 16, World Meteorological Organization (WMO) forecasted that an average surface temperature of the earth would be the third hottest in history. Global warming is progressing without doubt and the temperature of the northern hemisphere in 90s was the hottest decade in the past 1000 years according to WMO's analysis.

 

添削

 

On December 16, the World Meteorological Organization (WMO) released a forecasted1 that an the average surface temperature of the earth this year would be the third hottest in history. Global warming has been is progressing without doubt and the temperature of the northern hemisphere in the 1990s was the hottest decade2 in the past 1,000 years according to the WMO's analysis.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       投稿のままでもよいですが、こうすると新聞記事風になります。

 

2.       the temperature of the northern hemisphere in 90s was the hottest decadeとするとthe temperature was the hottest decadeとなってしまいます。the temperature was the hottestまたはthe 1990s was the hottest decadeです。

 

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 16, the World Meteorological Organization (WMO) released a forecast that the average surface temperature of the earth this year would be the third hottest in history. Global warming has been progressing without doubt and the temperature of the northern hemisphere in the 1990s was the hottest in the past 1,000 years according to the WMO's analysis.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(mxtomi, 4 December 09

 

The World Meteorological Organization (WMO) released its forecast that the average global temperature this year would be the third highest in history on December 16. Global warming is steadily progressing as demonstrated by the VMO’s analysis that the 1990s in the northern hemisphere was the hottest decade of the past 1,000 years.

 

添削

 

The World Meteorological Organization (WMO) released its forecast on December 16 that the average global temperature this year would be the third highest in history on December 16. Global warming is has been steadily progressing and as demonstrated by the an VMMO’s analysis shows that the 1990s in the northern hemisphere the 1990s was the hottest decade of in the past 1,000 years.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますがGlobal warming is steadily progressing as demonstrated by the MMO’s analysis that ~.thatの前とthatの後の文の構造の関係がわかりません。添削のようにandでつないだ二つの文のするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The World Meteorological Organization (WMO) released its forecast on December 16 that the average global temperature this year would be the third highest in history. Global warming has been steadily progressing and an MMO’s analysis shows that in the northern hemisphere the 1990s was the hottest decade in the past 1,000 years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(kk, 17 June 08

 

On December 16, the World Meteorological Organization (WMO) declared that an average surface temperature of the earth this year would become the third highest one in the history. According to WMO, global warming is steadily going on and the ninety's era in the Northern Hemisphere has marked the hottest decade in the last millennium.

 

添削

 

On December 16, the World Meteorological Organization (WMO) declared released a forecast1 that the an average surface temperature of the earth this year would become the third highest one in the history. According to WMO, global warming is steadily going on and the decade of 1990’s ninety's era in the Nnorthern Hhemisphere has marked the hottest decade in the last millennium.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「見通しを明らかにした」は「予想を発表した」と解釈するとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 16, the World Meteorological Organization (WMO) released a forecast that the average surface temperature of the earth this year would become the third highest one in history. According to WMO, global warming is steadily going on and the decade of 1990’s  in the northern hemisphere has marked the hottest decade in the last millennium.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 3 June 08

 

On December 16, World Meteorological Organization (WMO) announced that the average temperature of the surface of the earth this year will be the third highest one after they started to observe. WMO also announced that global warming is proceeding steadily and it was the hottest decade for the people in the 1990s over the past 1,000 years in the Northern hemisphere.

 

添削

 

On December 16, the World Meteorological Organization (WMO) announced that the average temperature of the surface of the earth this year will would1 be the third highest since one after they started to observeations. WMO also announced that global warming was1 is proceeding steadily and it the 1990s was the hottest decade in the northern hemisphere for the people in the 1990s over the past 1,000 years in the Northern hemisphere.

 

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       時間に関係ない天然現象は時制の制約を受けない、という方便もありますが、ここでは読みやすいように時制の一致を適用しました。

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 16, the World Meteorological Organization (WMO) announced that the average temperature of the surface of the earth this year would be the third highest since  they started observations. WMO also announced that global warming was proceeding steadily and the 1990s was the hottest decade in the northern hemisphere over the past 1,000 years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、30 June 07

 

On December 16, the World Meteorological Organization (WMO) announced that this year's average surface temperature in the earth would become the third highest in history. According to the analysis by WMO, global warming is going steadily up and the nineties of the Northern Hemisphere was the hottest decade during the past millennium.

 

添削

 

On December 16, the World Meteorological Organization (WMO) announced that this year's average surface temperature in on the earth would become the third highest in history. According to the analysis by WMO, global warming is going steadily up and in the nineties, of the Northern Hemisphere1 was had the hottest decade during the past millennium.

 

コメント

 

1.       「北半球の90年代は」は「90年代に北半球は」とすると北半球が主語になるのでわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 16, the World Meteorological Organization (WMO) announced that this year's average surface temperature on the earth would become the third highest in history. According to the analysis by WMO, global warming is going steadily up and in the nineties,  the Northern Hemisphere had the hottest decade during the past millennium.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、20 June 07

 

On December 16th, the World Meteorological Organization (WMO) has revealed that an average surface temperature on the earth this year will seem to be the third hottest in history. According to the analysis by WMO, the global heating has steadly been getting worse and the temperature of the north hemisphere in 90s was the hottest period over the past 1000 years.

 

添削

 

On December 16th, the World Meteorological Organization (WMO) announced1 its forecast that an the average surface temperature on the earth this year would will seem to be the third hottest in history. According to the analysis by WMO, the global heating warming has steadly been steadily increasing getting worse2 and the temperature of in the northern hemisphere in the 90s were was the hottest period in over the past 1000 years.

 

コメント

 

1.       ここは単に過去形でよいでしょう。

 

2.       地球の温暖化は深刻な問題ですが、getting worseというと価値判断が入りますから、global warmingがどのように変化しているのかわかりません。添削のようにhas been increasingと事実を述べるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 16th, the World Meteorological Organization (WMO) announced its forecast that the average surface temperature on the earth this year would be the third hottest in history. According to the analysis by WMO, global warming has been steadily increasing and the temperature in the northern hemisphere in the 90s were the hottest in the past 1000 years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(KAPPA2006, 1 September 06

 

On December 16, the World Meteorological Organization (WHO) revealed their forecast that average temperature of the earth surface this year will be the third highest in the history. Global warming is surely developing. According to WHO analysis, the temperature of north semi-spherical in 90's showed the hottest decade in the past 1,000 years.

 

添削 

 

On December 16, the World Meteorological Organization (WHO) revealed their forecast that the average temperature of the earth surface this year will would1 be the third highest in the history2. Global warming is surely developing proceeding. According to WHO analysis, the temperature of the northern hemisphere semi-spherical in the 90's showed the hottest decade in the past 1,000 years.

 

コメント

 

1.       時制の一致で過去形になります。信用の置ける科学的予想だからwill beが良いだろう、という見解もありますが、ここでは一般的な時制の一致をとりました。

 

2.       in historyは「歴史的に見て」という副詞句で使います。I studied Japanese history at university.のように日本史というときは不加算名詞になります。He has a history of a lot of good luck in the past.というようなときは加算名詞になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 16, the World Meteorological Organization (WHO) revealed their forecast that the average temperature of the earth surface this year would be the third highest in history. Global warming is surely proceeding. According to WHO analysis, the temperature of the northern hemisphere in the 90's showed the hottest decade in the past 1,000 years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、27 October 04

 

The World Meteorological Organization (WMO) announced on December 16 that the average surface temperature of the earth this year is expected to be the third highest ever in history. Global warming is developing steadily and the 1990s in the northern hemisphere was the hottest decade in the last one thousand years, according to the analysis by the WMO.

 

添削

 

The World Meteorological Organization (WMO) announced on December 16 that the average surface temperature of the earth this year is expected to be the third highest ever in history. Global warming is has been proceeding1 developing steadily and the 1990s in the northern hemisphere2 recorded was the hottest decade in the 1990s in the last one thousand years, according to the WHO’s analysis by the WMO.

 

コメント

 

1.       地球温暖化は継続して起きているので添削のようにしたほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       北半球を主語にしたほうが内容がわかりやすくなると思います。

 

添削後の文章

 

The World Meteorological Organization (WMO) announced on December 16 that the average surface temperature of the earth this year is expected to be the third highest ever in history. Global warming has been proceeding steadily and the northern hemisphere recorded the hottest decade in the 1990s in the last one thousand years according to the WHO’s analysis .

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Knight, 10 April 04

 

On December 16, 2003, the World Meteorological Organization (WMO) announced that global average surface temperature this year will be the third-highest in history. Global warming is really underway, and the decade of the 1990s in the northern hemisphere was the warmest in the last thousand years according to the analysis by WMO.

 

添削

 

On December 16, 2003, the World Meteorological Organization (WMO) announced that the global average surface temperature this year will was expected to1 be the third-highest in history. According to WMO2, Gglobal warming is has been really underway, and the decade of the 1990s in the northern hemisphere was the warmest in the last one thousand years according to the analysis by WMO.

 

コメント

 

1.       「見通しをあきらかにした」とあるので、まだ幾分かの不確定性が残っているようです。それでwill (時制の一致に従えばwould 最近の英文には、このようなときに時制の一致を無視してwillとすることもありますが、ここでは時制の一致に従い、wouldになります。フォーマルな英文はすこし保守的なほうがよいです)ではなく、 was expected to ~としました。

 

2.       前の文からAccording to WMOは無くても内容はわかりますが、文の中の固有名詞は繰り返し使ったほうが内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 16, 2003, the World Meteorological Organization (WMO) announced that the global average surface temperature this year was expected to be the third-highest in history. According to WMO, global warming has been really underway, and the decade of the 1990s in the northern hemisphere was the warmest in the last one thousand years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(オカヤ、24 Jan 04

 

On December 16, the World Meteorological Organization made it clear that this year the average surface temperature of the earth would be the third highest on record. The World Meteorological Organization said that global warming had been steadily proceeding and its analysis showed that the northern hemisphere the 1990s were the warmest ten years in the last one thousand years.

 

添削

 

On December 16, the World Meteorological Organization made it clear announced1 that this year the average surface temperature of the earth would was anticipated to2 be the third highest on record. The World Meteorological Organization said that global warming had been steadily proceeding increasing: in and its analysis showed that3 the northern hemisphere the 1990s were the warmest ten years in the last one thousand years.

 

コメント

 

1.       「〜を明らかにした」という言い方は文脈によりいろいろな意味がありますが、ここでは単に「〜を言った」でよいでしょう。

 

2.       Cobuidanticipateを次のように説明しています。If you anticipate an event, you realize in advance that it may happen and you are prepared for it.「地球の気温が史上3番目になる」ことにまだ不確かな要因があるなら、be anticipatedが適当でしょう。かなり確かなら be expected, 確かならwillです。

 

3.       このような形に省略できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

On December 16, the World Meteorological Organization announced that this year the average surface temperature of the earth was anticipated to be the third highest on record. The World Meteorological Organization said that global warming had been steadily increasing: in the northern hemisphere the 1990s were the warmest ten years in the last one thousand years.

 

 

練習問題 127

 

東京の翻訳者組織が米国の判例を日本語に翻訳してウェブサイトで無料公開するプロジェクトを進めている。判例は米国の社会やビジネスで起きていることを知る良い資料となる。

 

読者からの投稿 10(BURU, 8 October 15

 

A translator’s organization has been working a project which planed to disclose the US’s precedents translated into Japanese on their Web site by free of charge. Those precedents are good data which can find some cases what happen in the US’s society and business.

 

添削

 

A translators1 organization has been working on a project which is planned planed to disclose the US’s legal precedents in the United States translated into Japanese on their Web site for by free of charge. Those precedents provide are good information data which can reveal find some cases what is happening in the US’s society and business.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略が推測できます。

 

1.       複数形にアポストロフィーをつけます。

 

添削後の文章

 

A translators’ organization has been working on a project which is planned to disclose  legal precedents in the United States translated into Japanese on their Web site for free of charge. Those precedents provide good information which can reveal what is happening in the US society and business.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Valley winds, 28 January 13

 

An organization by translator in Tokyo has proceeded the project that they translate American precedents into Japanese and exhibit then on the web-site free. Precedents show well what there are happening in American society and business scene.

 

添削

 

An organization of by translators in Tokyo has is proceeded conducting a the project that they translate American legal precedents into Japanese and exhibit them then on their web-site. People can read them free1 . These Pprecedents show well what there are happening in American society and business scene.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       ウェブサイトの掲載することと、読者が無料で読める、ということを二つにわけるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

An organization of translators in Tokyo is conducting a project that they translate American legal precedents into Japanese and exhibit them on their web-site. People can read them free. These precedents show what are happening in American society and business.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(かい、18 February 11

 

Translator's party in Tokyo have an ongoing project that releases precedents of United States translated into Japanese on website for free. The precedents will give good materials to know affairs of society and business in the country.

 

添削

 

An association1 of Ttranslator's party in Tokyo has have an ongoing project that releases legal precedents in the of United States translated into Japanese on its website for free. The precedents will give good information materials to know current affairs of in American society and business in the country.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       an association of translatorsとすると少し正式な感じになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

An association of translators in Tokyo has an ongoing project that releases legal precedents in the United States translated into Japanese on its website for free. The precedents will give good information to know current affairs in American society and business .

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 4 December 09

 

An association of translators in Tokyo is proceeding with a project to translate court precedents in the US into Japanese and share them with the public on the web free of charge. Court precedents will make an excellent reference to learn what is going on in American society and business.

 

添削

 

An association of translators in Tokyo is proceeding with a project to translate court precedents in the US into Japanese and share them with the public on the web free of charge. Court precedents will make an excellent reference source of information to learn what is going on in American society and business.

 

コメント

 

簡潔で分かりやすい文章です。

 

添削後の文章

 

An association of translators in Tokyo is proceeding with a project to translate court precedents in the US into Japanese and share them with the public on the web free of charge. Court precedents will make an excellent source of information to learn what is going on in American society and business.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 21 June 08

 

A translators associations in Tokyo has been proceeding with a project to translate legal precedents in the US into Japanese and to post the translation on the web site for free. Those precedents are good reference to current incidents in American society and business fields.

 

添削

 

A translators associations in Tokyo has been proceeding with a project to translate legal precedents in the US into Japanese and to post the translations on the web site for free. Those precedents are good references to understand current trends1 incidents in American society and business fields.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       判例なのでincidentsでもよいですが、判例を通じて傾向一般を理解できるという意味でtrendsにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

A translators’ association in Tokyo has been proceeding with a project to translate legal precedents in the US into Japanese and to post the translations on the web site for free. Those precedents are good references to understand current trends in American society and business fields.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、30 June 07

 

A translator group in Tokyo is promoting the project that opens the US cases translated to Japanese on the web site free of charge. The cases will become good materials for knowing what occurred in the US society and business.

 

添削

 

A translator group in Tokyo is promoting the project that opens will make Japanese translations of American legal precedents available1 the US cases translated to Japanese people on the web site free of charge. These legal precedents cases will become good materials for knowing finding what are occurreding2 in the US society and business.

 

コメント

 

1.       openは意味が広いので曖昧になります。添削のように説明するとよいでしょう。

 

2.       翻訳の事例は過去のものですが、現在のアメリカの様子を知るために、は現在形がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A translator group in Tokyo is promoting the project that will make Japanese translations of American legal precedents available to Japanese people on the web site free of charge. These legal precedents will be good materials for finding what are occurring in the US society and business.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、21 June 07

 

A society of translators in Tokyo has been proceeding a project which uploads the court precedents translated into Japanese by staff of the society to their website which you can browse at no charge. Such a court precedent turns good information to know what happens in the society and the fields of business in the United States.

 

添削

 

A society of translators in Tokyo has been proceeding with a project which uploads translates1 the court precedents translated into Japanese by staff of the society and make them available to the public to on their website with which you can browse at no charge. Such a court precedents will be a turns good source of information for to know what is happensing in the society and the fields of business2 in the United States.

 

コメント

 

1.       この事業の進め方を「翻訳する、そしてウェブで公開する」という順序で説明するとわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       in society, in business 社会で、ビジネスで、と一般的に表現するときには冠詞を付けません。

 

添削後の文章

 

A society of translators in Tokyo has been proceeding with a project which translates court precedents into Japanese and make them available to the public on their website with no charge. Such court precedents will be a good source of information for what is happening in  society and business in the United States.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(KAPPA2006, 1 September 06

 

A translator's organization in Tokyo is promoting the project that judicial precedents of the US is translated into Japanese and open in public at free at website. judicial precedents become good data with which we can know what is happening in society and business in America.

 

添削

 

A translator's organization in Tokyo is promoting the a project that translates1 judicial precedents of in the US is translated into Japanese and make them open to the in public at free at on a website. The judicial precedents will become a good source of information2 data with by which we can know find out what is happening in American society and business in America.

 

コメント

 

1.       プロジェクトの内容をthat節で説明してもよいですが、添削のようにthatを主語にすると英語圏の読者には内容がよりわかりやすくなります。このような非人称主語は英文でよく使います。

 

2.       informationとしたほうが一般的でしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A translators’ organization in Tokyo is promoting a project that translates judicial precedents in the US into Japanese and make them open to the public free on a website. The judicial precedents will become a good source of information by which we can find out what is happening in American society and business.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、27 October 04

 

An organization of translators in Tokyo is proceeding with a project for putting American legal precedents translated into Japanese on the Website for free access by viewers. Legal precedents can serve as useful documents to let us know what is happening in the U.S. society and business circles.

 

添削

 

An organization of translators in Tokyo is proceeding with a project for putting placing American legal precedents translated into Japanese on the its website1 Website for free access by viewers. Legal precedents can serve as useful documents to let us know what is happening in the U.S.US2 society and business circles.

 

コメント

 

1.       website, homepageはもう一般名詞になっています。

 

2.       US とピリオドを入れない使い方が一般化しているようです。もともとはスペースを倹約する新聞用法だったのが一般化したのでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

An organization of translators in Tokyo is proceeding with a project for placing American legal precedents translated into Japanese on its website for free access by viewers. Legal precedents can serve as useful documents to let us know what is happening in the US society and business circles.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Knight, 7 April 04

 

A translators' organization in Tokyo is pursuing a project translating judicial precedents from the United States into Japanese and publishing them on their website for free. These judicial precedents provide a good knowledge source about the events of the society or the business scene in the United States.

 

添削

 

A translators' organization in Tokyo is pursuing a project to translate1 ing judicial precedents from in the United States into Japanese and to publishing them on their website for free. These judicial precedents provide a good knowledge source of information2 about for what is happening in American the events of the society orand the business world scene in the United States.

コメント

 

1.       pursuing a project translating ~とすると、「あるプロジェクトを遂行しているが、その一環として〜の翻訳をしている」ともとれます。pursuing a project to translate ~としたほうが「〜を翻訳するプロジェクトを遂行している」というようにprojecttranslateの関係が密接になります。

 

2.       A good knowledge source of ~とすると単語が(aを数えないで単語が三つ続くので、読んでいて息切れのする感じがします。A good source of information (knowledge) for ~としたほうが文を読んだときにリズムがあります。文章のリズム感を摑むというのは難しいですが、要点は実際に声を出して読んでみて、スムースに読めるかどうか、もう一つは文章の形が基本形になっていて主語、動詞、目的語があまり離れずに文の中に入っているか、ということでしょう。

 

3.       「米国の社会やビジネスで起きていること」という表現にはwhat is happening in American society and business worldという表現が便利です。ほかにも「どうして彼があんな馬鹿なことをしたか理解しがたい。」I will never understand why he has done such a ridiculous thing.などの表現方法があります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A translators' organization in Tokyo is pursuing a project to translate judicial precedents in the United States into Japanese and to publish them on their website for free. These judicial precedents provide a good source of information for what is happening in American society and  business world .

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Blue, 27 Jan 04

 

An organization of translators in Tokyo is carrying out a project to translate legal precedents in the United States into Japanese and make them available to the public on their homepage free of charge. These legal precedents will be a good source of information to know what is happening in American society and business world.

 

添削

 

An organization of translators in Tokyo is carrying out a project to translate legal precedents in the United States into Japanese and make them available, on their homepage, to the public on their homepage free of charge1. These legal precedents will be a good source of information to know for2 what is happening in American society and as well as in the business world3.

 

コメント

 

1.       Blueさんは「ウェブサイトで無料公開する」をmake them available, on their homepage, to the public free of chargeとわかりやすく英文で表現しています。

 

2.       A good source of informationは「情報を得るため」という意味を含んでいるのでto knowは省略できます。

 

3.       「米国の社会やビジネス」で「社会」と「ビジネス」と概念の範疇が異なるので(社会のほうが意味が広い)ここだはwhat is happening in American society as well as in the business worldとして二つに分けたほうがよいです。

 

添削後の文章

 

An organization of translators in Tokyo is carrying out a project to translate legal precedents in the United States into Japanese and make them available, on their homepage, to the public free of charge. These legal precedents will be a good source of information for what is happening in American society as well as in the business world.

 

 

練習問題 128

 

家電製品の年末商戦が、最盛期を迎えている。今年は、デジタル家電の「新三種の神器」とされるDVDレコーダー、薄型テレビ、デジタルカメラが商戦の主役だ。

 

読者からの投稿 12(BURU, 14 October 15

 

The year-end sales season of electrical appliances is peak now. Main sales items this year are DVD recorder, Flat-panel TV and Digital camera what is called new three sacred imperial treasures.                                                              

 

添削

 

The year-end sales season of electrical appliances is at its peak now. Main sales items this year are DVD recorders, Fflat-panel TVs and Ddigital cameras1 which are what is called new three sacred imperial treasures of households.                                                                            

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       Digital versatile disc recorder (DVD recorder), television (TV)と大文字で省略形を表現しますが、digital camera は一般名詞なので小文字にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The year-end sales season of electrical appliances is at its peak now. Main sales items this year are DVD recorders, flat-panel TVs and digital cameras which are called new three sacred imperial treasures of households.                                                                            

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(Valley winds, 28 January 13

 

The year-end bargain sale for home appliances is peak. This year’s main casts are DVD recorder, thin-type TV and digital camera as the three big items of digital home appliances.

 

添削

 

The year-end bargain sales for home appliances is are at their peak now. This year’s main products casts are DVD recorders, thin-type TVs and digital cameras. They are called as the new sacred treasures1 three big items of digital home appliances.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかりますが、the three big items of digital home appliances this year’s main castsと内容が重複します。

 

1.       戦後の日本で家庭の三種の神器は時代とともに変わってきました。詳しくはウィキペディアの「三種の神器(電化製品)」をご覧ください。

 

添削後の文章

 

The year-end bargain sales for home appliances are at their peak now. This year’s main products s are DVD recorders, thin-type TVs and digital cameras. They are called the new sacred treasures1 of digital home appliances.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(かい、19 February 11

 

Year-end sale for home electric appliances is at the peak. The main goods of the sale this year are DVD recorder, flat TV and digital camera called “three new scared treasures” in digital appliance.

 

添削

 

Year-end sales1 of for home electric appliances are is at the peak. The main goods of the sales this year are DVD recorders, flat TVs and digital cameras, so called “three new scared sacred treasures” in digital appliances.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       複数形で使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

Year-end sales of home electric appliances are at the peak. The main goods of the sales this year are DVD recorders, flat TVs and digital cameras, so called “three new sacred treasures” in digital appliances.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(4 December 09

 

The year-end sales season for home appliances is now at its peak. This year, playing major roles in the sales campaign are DVD recorders, flat-screen TVs and digital cameras. Collectively, these products are commonly called “three new sacred treasures”.

 

添削

 

The year-end sales season for home appliances is now at its peak. This year, playing major roles in the sales campaign are DVD recorders, flat-screen TVs and digital cameras. Collectively, these products are commonly called the new1 “three new sacred treasures”.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「三種の神器」があるので、このような表現がよいでしょう。1960年代の家電の「三種の神器」はテレビ、洗濯機、冷蔵庫でした。

 

添削後の文章

 

The year-end sales season for home appliances is now at its peak. This year, playing major roles in the sales are DVD recorders, flat-screen TVs and digital cameras. Collectively, these products are commonly called the new “three sacred treasures”.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(kk, 22 June 08

 

The year-end sales of home electric appliances are at its peak. The main features this year are DVD recorders, flat-screen TVs, and digital cameras, which are called the new three holly treasures of home electric appliances.

 

添削

 

The year-end sales of home electric appliances are at its peak. The main features this year are DVD recorders, flat-screen TVs, and digital cameras, which are called the new three holly treasures of home electric appliances.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。簡潔でわかりやすい文章です。添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 11 June 08

 

An year-end selling season enters peak now. DVD recorders, flat screen televisions and digital cameras which are called "new three holy durables in the digital era" play major roles in this selling season.

 

添削

 

An The year-end sales selling season is reaching enters a peak now. DVD recorders, flat screen televisions and digital cameras, which are called the "new three holy durables in the digital era," play major roles in the year-end sales of home electric/electronic appliances this selling season.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。the new three holy durables in the digital eraが面白い表現ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

The year-end sales season is reaching a peak now. DVD recorders, flat screen televisions and digital cameras, which are called the "new three holy durables in the digital era," play major roles in the year-end sales of home electric/electronic appliances.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、30 June 07

 

Home electric appliances are at the height of the year-end sales battle. The leading part in the sales battle is DVD recorders, flat-screen TVs and digital cameras which are called as "three sacred treasures".

 

添削

 

Home electric appliances are at the height of the year-end sales battle. The leading part products1 in the sales battle are is DVD recorders, flat-screen TVs and digital cameras which are called as the "new three sacred treasures".

 

コメント

 

1.       次に出てくる商品に合わせて、the leading productsとするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Home electric appliances are at the height of the year-end sales battle. The leading products in the sales battle are DVD recorders, flat-screen TVs and digital cameras which are called the "new three sacred treasures".

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、21 June 07

 

The year-end bargain sale of consumer electrical appliances reaches the peak. In this bargain, DVD recorders, thin-screen televisions and digital cameras which are regarded as "new three sacred treasures" in this business field are staple goods.

 

添削

 

The year-end bargain sales of consumer electrical appliances are reachesing1 the peak. In this year’s bargain sales2, DVD recorders, thin-screen televisions and digital cameras, which are regarded as "the new three sacred treasures" in this business, field are staple the major goods products.

 

コメント

 

1.       「〜を迎えている」とあるので現在進行形で表現するとよいでしょう。

 

2.       前の文で出てきた名詞句を繰り返します。短い文章なので同じ名詞句を繰り返す必要はないと思われるでしょうが、同一ものを違う名称で呼ぶと読者は混乱します。簡単に、This year, DVD recorders, ~.としてもよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The year-end bargain sales of consumer electrical appliances are reaching the peak. In this year’s bargain sales, DVD recorders, thin-screen televisions and digital cameras, which are regarded as "the new three sacred treasures" in this business, are the major products.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(KAPPA2006, 1 September 06

 

Year-end business of home electric apparatus is hot. This year's main players are so called "new three god devices digital home electric apparatus " which are DVD recorder, thin-type TV, and digital camera.

 

添削

 

Year-end business sales of home electric apparatus appliances is are hot now. This year's main players are so called "the new three must-haves1” of god devices digital home electric and electronic appliances, apparatus " which are a DVD recorder, thin-type TV, and digital camera.

 

1.       三種の神器はいろいろな表現があるでしょうが、口語体でmust-haves(どうしても欲しいもの)というのを使ってみました。このような日本語の特殊名詞は内容がわかるように、しかもなるべく短く表現したいのでむずかしいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Year-end sales of home electric appliances are hot now. This year's main players are so called "the new three must-haves” of digital home electric and electronic appliances, which are a DVD recorder, thin-type TV, and digital camera.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、29 October 04

 

The year-end selling season for electric appliances is at its peak now. The hot sellers of this year are the DVD recorder, the flat-screen television and the digital camera. They are considered as "the new three sacred treasures" of digital electronic products.

 

添削

 

The year-end selling season for sales1 of electric appliances is are at its their peak now. The hot sellers of this year2 are the DVD recorders3, the flat-screen televisions and the digital cameras. They are considered as "the new three sacred treasures" of digital electronic products.

 

コメント

 

1.       year-end sales年末大売出しとすると内容がはっきりします。

 

2.       this yearと副詞句にしたほうが読みやすいでしょう。

 

3.       the DVD recorderと「その種類一般を指すときのthe」もあり、ここでは「三種の神器」を話しているので、三種類の品物と言う意味でtheをつける、ということでしょうが、文の最初にThe hottest sellers this year are ~とあるので単に複数で表現するのが一般的です。

 

添削後の文章

 

The year-end sales of electric appliances are at their peak now. The hot sellers this year are DVD recorders, flat-screen televisions and digital cameras. They are considered as "the new three sacred treasures" of digital electronic products.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Knight, 7 April 04

 

The year-end business competition of the home electric appliances (HEA) is at its peak. DVD recorders, flat panel display televisions and digital cameras are so-called "new three holy durables" of the digital HEA, and are the leading players in the competition this year.

 

添削

 

The year-end business sales competition of the home electric appliances (HEA) is at its peak. DVD recorders, flat panel display televisions and digital cameras are so-called the "new three holy durables" of the digital HEA, and are the leading players in the competition this year.

 

コメント

 

わかりやすい英文ですね。 Knightさんは「今年は、デジタル家電の「新三種の神器」とされるDVDレコーダー、薄型テレビ、デジタルカメラが商戦の主役だ。」を上手に二つの英文に分けて表現しています。日本文の特徴の一つが連体形で作った長い修飾節ですが、Knightさんのようにここを一つの独立した文にすると英文がやさしくなります。

 

「新三種の神器」が the “new three holy durables”とは、なるほどと思いました。私の現在の三種の神器は7ギガバイトのプログラムが詰まったコンピューター、DVDレコーダー、それにLCDモニターでしょうか。二つのモニターをコンピューターつないで使っていますが、とても能率が上がります。たとえば一つのモニターに辞書を数個開いておいて、もう一つのモニターで文章を書くということが出来ます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The year-end sales competition of home electric appliances (HEA) is at its peak. DVD recorders, flat panel display televisions and digital cameras are so-called the "new three holy durables" of the digital HEA and are the leading players in the competition this year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Yuji, 27 Jan 04

 

Annual year-end sales of home electronic products are approaching their peak period. Major products for this year’s sales are DVD recorders, flat TVs, and digital cameras, so called “New Three Sacred Treasures.”

 

添削

 

Annual year-end sales of home electronic products are approaching their peak period1. Major products for this year’s sales are the so called “New Sacred Treasurers”:2 DVD recorders, flat TVs, and digital cameras., so called “New Three Sacred Treasures.”

 

コメント

 

1.       Yujiさんは「家電製品の年末商戦が、最盛期を迎えている。」をAnnual year-end sales of home electronic products are approaching their peak period.とわかりやすく表現しています。

 

2.       このように例を挙げるときはコロン(:)を使うと便利です。

 

添削後の文章

 

Annual year-end sales of home electronic products are approaching their peak period. Major products for this year’s sales are the so called “New Sacred Treasurers”: DVD recorders, flat TVs, and digital cameras.

 

 

練習問題 129

 

田舎への憧れを抱きつつも、仕方なく都会で暮らしている人は少なくない。そんな都会人の悩みを解消すべく、マルチ・ハビテーション(複数居住)という考え方が広がっている。

 

読者からの投稿 11(BURU, 15 October 15

 

There are not a few people living in town reluctantly with their dream having that dwell in countryside. So, Multi rehabilitation is one idea settled such townspeople’s distress that has been spreading among them.

 

添削

 

There are many1 not a few people living in towns reluctantly with their dream of having that dwelling in the countryside. So, Mmulti- rehabilitation habitation is one idea proposed for settled such townspeople’s dream distress that has been spreading among them.

 

コメント

 

文章の主要な所(There are not a few people…; multi rehabilitation)に誤記があり、文章全体の意味が不明になっています。

 

1.       There are not a few people という表現はありません。日本語の「少なくない」は「多い」の意味ですから、単純にmany またはa considerable number of peopleで良いでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

There are many people living in towns reluctantly with their dream of dwelling in the countryside. So, multi-habitation is one idea proposed for such townspeople’s dream that has been spreading among them.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 3 February 13

 

Many people are living in the urban unwillingly with longing for the country. A view of Multi Habitation has been spreading so that the view can solve these people’s worries.

 

添削

 

Many people are living in the urban area unwillingly with longing for the country. An idea of view of Mmulti Hhabitation in the urban and rural areas1 has been spreading so that people the view can satisfy their longing for the country solve these people’s worries2.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       このような補足説明があるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       longingworryとは性質がちがいます。日本文の表現にとらわれずに内容の本質を探してください。

 

添削後の文章

 

Many people are living in the urban area unwillingly with longing for the country. An idea o of multi habitation in the urban and rural areas has been spreading so that people can satisfy their longing for the country.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(かい、21 February 11

 

Many people have no choice but to live in urban area while yearning for the country life. Therefore the idea of multi-habitation, which means they have two residences in urban and country respectively, has been spreading to meet such a city dweller's demand.

 

添削

 

Many people have no choice but to live in the urban area while yearning for a the country life. Therefore, an the idea of multi-habitation, which means we1 they have two residences, one in the urban area and the other in the country respectively, has been spreading to meet such a city dweller's demand.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       theyよりweのほうが内容が身近に感じられます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Many people have no choice but to live in the urban area while yearning for a country life. Therefore, an idea of multi-habitation, which means we have two residences, one in the urban area and the other in the country, has been spreading to meet such a city dweller's demand.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 4 December 09

 

Quite a few people are living in urban areas out of need while craving for a life in the country.

To help solve such dilemma of city-dwellers, an innovative idea called “multi-habitation” has been gaining increasing popularity among them.

 

添削

 

Quite a few people need to live are living in urban areas out of need while they1 cravinge for a life in the country. To help them solve such a dilemma of city-dwellers, an innovative idea called “multi-habitation” has been gaining increasing popularity among them.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       ここにtheyを入れたほうが文の前半と後半に主語があり、文を読んだときのリズムがよくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Quite a few people need to live in urban areas while they crave for a life in the country. To help them solve such a dilemma of city-dwellers, an innovative idea called “multi-habitation” has been gaining increasing popularity among them.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 25 June 08

 

Although quite a few people are dreaming of the rural life, they tend to end up by living in the urban area. For an alternative, the idea of "multi-habitation" is prevailing among them.

 

添削

 

Although quite a few people are dreaming of the a rural life, they tend to end up by living in the urban area. For As an alternative to such a dream, an the idea of "multi-habitation" is attracting their interest1 prevailing among them.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       prevailing among themでもよいですが、attracting their interestとしたほうが具体性があるとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Although quite a few people are dreaming of a rural life, they tend to end up by living in the urban area. As an alternative to such a dream, an idea of "multi-habitation" is attracting their interest.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 12 June 08

 

There are many urban residents who are in fact eager to live in countryside. The concept of Multi-habitations, which means to live in a city at the weekday and live in a countryside at the weekend, is spreading for solving such a conflict for them.

 

添削

 

There are many urban residents who are in fact eager to live in the countryside. The concept of Mmulti-habitations, which means to live in a city on at the weekdays and live in the a countryside on at the weekends, is spreading among them to for solvinge such a conflict for them.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。マルチ・ハビテーションの具体例が説明してあってわかりやすいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

There are many urban residents who are in fact eager to live in the countryside. The concept of multi-habitation, which means to live in a city on weekdays and live in the countryside on  weekends, is spreading among them to solve such a conflict.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、30 June 07

 

Though people long for a country life, many of them have no choice but to lead a city life. To solve such a townspeople's trouble the idea of  multi habitation is now expanding.

 

添削

 

Though people long for a country life, many of them have no choice but to lead a city life1. To solve such a dilemma of town speople's trouble2, an the idea of multi habitation is now expanding spreading.

 

コメント

 

1.       簡潔でわかりやすい表現ですね。

 

2.       such a dilemmaと先ず目的とするものを述べ、次にof town peopleと修飾句をつけるとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Though people long for a country life, many of them have no choice but to lead a city life. To solve such a dilemma of town people, an idea of multi habitation is now spreading.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、23 June 07

 

There is some people that want to live in a country who are made to live in a town. To meet such a wish of them, an idea of multi-habitation, which means to live in multiple houses in different places, has been spreading.

 

添削

 

There is are some people who that want to live in the a countryside but who are made forced  to live in a town big city. To meet realize their wishes such a wish of them, an idea of multi-habitation, which means to live in multiple houses in different places1, has been spreading.

 

コメント

 

1.       複数居住の説明があるのがよいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

There are some people who want to live in the countryside but forced to live in a big city. To realize their wishes, an idea of multi-habitation, which means to live in multiple houses in different places, has been spreading.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(KAPPA2006, 1 September 06

 

There are not few people who live in town but have hopes to live in country. To solve such worries of town people, the idea of multi-habitation has spread.

 

添削

 

There are many not few1 people who live in town the city2 but have hopes to live in the country. To solve such worries a dilemma of town people, the idea of multi-habitation has is spreading.

 

コメント

 

1.       日本文は「少なくない」となっていますが、英文では直裁に「多い」と表現するとわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       My brother is in town.のようにin townは「自分の住む町に」という副詞句でつかいます。ここではin the country(田舎に)と対比してin the cityとするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

There are many people who live in the city but hope to live in the country. To solve such a dilemma of town people, the idea of multi-habitation is spreading.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、29 October 04

 

Not a few people choose to live in big cities against their will, longing for a country life. Multi-habitation (multiple dwellings) is an idea that is now widely accepted by such city dwellers wishing to solve a problem on their mind.

 

添削

 

Not Quite a few people choose are forced1 to live in big cities against their will, longing for a country life. Multi-habitation (multiple dwellings) is an idea that is now widely accepted spreading among2 by such city dwellers wishing to solve a problem of being confined in cities for work3 on their mind.

 

コメント

 

1.       are forced to liveとすると(多分、仕事や子供の学校の事情などで)都会に暮らさざるをえない、という感じになります。

 

2.       an idea is widely acceptedとすると複数居住がすでに多くの人の現実になっている、という感じになるので、ここでは意地悪くan idea is spreading としました。アイデアとして共感を得ているが実際にそうした人がどれだけいるかについては何もいっていません。

 

3.       内容を補足したほうが良いでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Quite a few people are forced to live in big cities against their will, longing for a country life. Multi-habitation (multiple dwellings) is an idea that is now spreading among such city dwellers wishing to solve a problem of being confined in cities for work.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Kei, 31 January 04

 

A considerable number of people reluctantly live in a big city even though they wish to live in a country side. However, recently, a new idea of multi-habitation is becoming popular to solve their problem.

 

添削

 

A considerable number of people reluctantly live1 in a big city even though they wish to live in a country side the countryside2. However, recently, a new idea of called3 multi-habitation is becoming popular to and will4 solve their problem dilemma.

 

コメント

 

1.       「暮らしている人は少なくない」をKeiさんは A considerable number of people live reluctantly in a city.と表現しています。「仕方なく都会で暮らす人がかなりいる」というように日本文を解釈すると、There is a considerable number of people who reluctantly live in a big city.と表現したくなりますが、Keiさんの表現のほうがすっきりしています。

 

2.       「都会で暮らす」は不特定のある町ですから、a cityなのに「田舎で」は「(皆の頭にある田舎)なので in the countryside になります。

 

3.       「複数居住」multi-habitationは新語なので「いわゆる複数居住といわれるもの」という意味でso-called multi-habitationが良いです。

 

4.       「〜するための」という意味ではKeiさんのようにしてもよいですが、ここで文を切ってand will solveとすると内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

A considerable number of people reluctantly live in a big city even though they wish to live in  the countryside. However, recently, a new idea called multi-habitation is becoming popular and will solve their dilemma.

 

 

練習問題 130

 

今年に入り、小説を配信する携帯電話のサイトが次々にオープン。携帯電話で「本」を読む人が増えている。

 

読者からの投稿 11(BURU, 15 October 15

 

Many websites distributing novels on cell phones have provided one after another this year. People reading books on their cell phone have been increasing.

 

添削

 

Many websites distributing novels for on cell phones are appearing have provided one after another this year. People reading books on their cell phones have been increasing in number.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略が推測できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Many websites distributing novels for cell phones are appearing one after another this year. People reading books on their cell phones have been increasing in number.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 3 February 13

 

This year, many sites for novels that broadcast on the mobile phones open. The number of people reading books on the mobile phone increase.

 

添削

 

This year, many websites for novels that broadcast on the to mobile phones have opened and. Tthe number of people reading books on their mobile phones are increaseing.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

This year, many websites for novels that broadcast to mobile phones have opened and the number of people reading books on their mobile phones are increasing.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(かい、22 February 11

 

Many cell-phone sites for providing novels have been opening one after another since the beginning of this year. This situation leads many people to reading books on cell-phone web site.

 

添削

 

Many1 Web sites for cell-phones sites for providing novels on-line have been opening one after another since the beginning of this year. Now2 This situation leads many people are to reading books on their cell-phones web site.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       one after anotherがあるのでmanyは要りません。

 

2.       簡単に現在の状況を記述するだけでよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Web sites for cell-phones providing novels on-line have been opening one after another since the beginning of this year. Now many people are reading books on their cell-phones.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 4 December 09