トップページの戻る

 

初級練習問題の添削 111−120

 

初級問題 111(16 Nov 03) (1 Oct 04) (7 July 06) (12 June 07) (20 June 07) (10 May 08)

                (29 May 08) (18 Nov 09) (26 December 12) (27 Dec 15)

 

初級問題 112(16 Nov 03) (2 Apr04) (8 July 04) (1 Oct 04) (7 July 06) (12 June 07)

(20 June 07) (10 May 08) (30 May 08) (18 Nov 09) (26 Dec 12)

(28 June 15)

 

初級問題 113(27 Nov 03) (18 Apr 04) (5 Oct 04) (11 July 06) (13 June 07) (20 June 07)

                (11 May 08) (31 May 08) (18 Nov 09) (26 December 12) (27 Dec 15)

 

初級問題 114(27 Nov 03) (2 Apr 04) (5 Oct 04) (1 Aug 06) (13 June 07) (20 June 07)

                (13 May 08) (3 June 08) (18 Nov 09) (15 Jan 13) (4 July 15)

 

初級問題 115(5 Dec 03) (21 Apr 04) (9 Oct 04) (1 Aug 06) (14 June 07) (20 June 07)

                (15 May 08) (3 June 08) (18 Nov 09) (15 Jan 13) (4 July 15)

 

初級問題 116(5 Dec 03) (21 Apr 04) (9 Oct 04) (1 Aug 06) (14 June 07) (23 June 07)

                (15 May 08) (22 Nov 09) (15 Jan 13) (1 Aug 15)

 

初級問題 117(13 Jan 04) (21 Apr 04) (13 Oct 04) (1 Aug 06) (15 June 07) (23 June 07)

                (18 May 08) (4 June 08) (22 Nov 09) (15 Jan 13) (3 Jan 16)

                       

初級問題 118(13 Jan 04) (13 Oct 04) (12 Aug 06) (15 June 07) (24 June 07) 

(20 May 08) (5 June 08) (22 Nov 09) (15 Jan 13) (1 Aug 15)

 

初級問題 119(13 Jan 04) (21 Apr 04) (15 Oct 04) (12 Aug 06) (16 June 07) (24 June 07)

                (20 May 08) (6 June 08) (22 Nov 09) (22 Jan 13) (1 Aug 15)

 

初級問題 120(31 Mar 04) (15 Oct 04) (12 Aug 06) (16 June 07) (24 June 07)

(22 May 08) (7 June 08) (22 Nov 09) (22 June 12) (21 January 13)

(3 Jan 16)

 

初級問題 111

 

今年のプロ野球日本シリーズ第7戦、ダイエー―阪神は10月27日、福岡市の福岡ドームでナイターで行われ、ダイエーが6―2で勝ち、4勝3敗で四年ぶり二度目の日本一に輝いた。

 

読者からの投稿 10(BURU, 27 December 15

 

The 7th game of Japan Series of National Professional Baseball in this year, Daiei vs Hanshin, was played a night game in October 27 at Fukuoka Dome at Fukuoka City. Daiei won the game at which the score was 6-2. Finally, Daiei beat Hanshin was 4 won and 3 lost the games. This was second time of 4 years for Japanese Champion.

 

添削

 

The 7th game of Japan Series of National Professional Baseball in this year, Daiei vs Hanshin, was played in the evening of a night game in October 27 at Fukuoka Dome at in Fukuoka City. Daiei won the game with  at which the score was 6 to -2. Finally, Daiei beat Hanshin in the series with was 4 wins won and 3 losses lost the games. This was the second time that Hansin won of 4 years for the Japanese Championship over the last four years.

 

コメント

 

Hanshin was 4 won and 3 lost the games. This was second time of 4 years for Japanese Championのところがわかりませんが、残りの部分の内容はわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The 7th game of Japan Series of National Professional Baseball this year, Daiei vs Hanshin, was played in the evening of October 27 at Fukuoka Dome in Fukuoka City. Daiei won the game with the score 6 to 2. Finally, Daiei beat Hanshin in the series with 4 wins and 3 losses. This was the second time that Hansin won the Japanese Championship over the last four years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Valley winds, 26 December 12

 

The 7th game of this year’s Japan Series in the Nippon Professional Baseball, in which Daiei-Hawks, was held at the Fukuoka Dome in Hukuoka Prefecture as a night game on October 27. Daiei won by 6-2, four wins and three losses, took the Japan Championship for the second time in four years.

 

添削

 

The 7th game of this year’s Japan Series in the Nippon Professional Baseball, between Daiei and Hanshin in which Daiei-Hawks, was held at the Fukuoka Dome in Hfukuoka City Prefecture as a night game in the evening of on October 27. Daiei won the game by 6-2, making the series four wins and three losses, and took the Japan Championship for the second time in four years.

 

コメント

 

第七戦のスコアと日本シリーズの試合の勝敗数の区別がはっきりしません。

 

添削後の文章

 

The 7th game of this year’s Japan Series in the Nippon Professional Baseball between Daiei and Hanshin was held at the Fukuoka Dome in fukuoka City in the evening of October 27. Daiei won the game by 6-2, making the series four wins and three losses and took the Japan Championship for the second time in four years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 18 November 09

 

The final game of the Japan Series this year was held at Fukuoka Dome in Fukuoka City on the evening of October 27. The Daiei Hawks beat the Hanshin Tigers 6-2, winning the series 4 games to three. This was its second national championship for the first time in 4 years.

 

添削

 

The final game of the Japan Series this year was held at Fukuoka Dome in Fukuoka City on the evening of October 27. The Daiei Hawks beat the Hanshin Tigers 6-2, winning the series 4 four games to three. This was its the second national championship the Daiei Hawks won after for the first time in 4 years since the first one1.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「四年ぶり二度目の日本一」はこのようにしたほうが分かりやすいとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The final game of the Japan Series this year was held at Fukuoka Dome in Fukuoka City on the evening of October 27. The Daiei Hawks beat the Hanshin Tigers 6-2, winning the series four games to three. This was the second national championship the Daiei Hawks won after  4 years since the first one.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 29 May 08

 

Japan Pro Baseball Championship Series had the 7th night game this year, Daiei Hawks vs Hanshin Tigers, at Fukuoka Dome in Fukuoka City on October 27. Daiei beat Hanshin by 6 to 2 and won their second Japan series championship by 4 wins and 2 losses after an interval of four years.

 

添削

 

The seventh and last game of the Japan Professional Baseball Championship Series between had the 7th night game this year1, the Daiei Hawks and vs Hanshin Tigers, was held on October 27 at Fukuoka Dome in Fukuoka City on October 27. Daiei beat Hanshin by 6 to 2 at the game and won their second the Japan series championship by 4 wins and 2 losses. The Daiei Hawks won the Japan series championship for the second time after an interval of four years.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、一つの文にいろいろな内容が詰まりすぎていてわかり難いです。添削のようにわかるとよいでしょう。

 

1.       Japan Pro Baseball Championship Series had the 7th night game this year. 日本シリーズは今年七回目のナイトゲームを行った?

 

添削後の文章

 

The seventh and last game of the Japan Professional Baseball Championship Series between the Daiei Hawks and Hanshin Tigers was held on October 27 at Fukuoka Dome in Fukuoka City. Daiei beat Hanshin by 6 to 2 at the game and won the Japan series championship by 4 wins and 2 losses. The Daiei Hawks won the Japan series championship for the second time after an interval of four years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 10 May 08

 

The Daiei Hawks became Japan Series champion at night on October 27 after defeating the Hanshin Tigers on the 7th game of the Japan Pro Baseball championship series by 6 to 2 at Fukuoka Dome Stadium, Fukuoka City. The Daiei Hawks got 4 victories and 3 defeats against the Hanshin Tigers in the series and got a second victory for the first time in 4 years.

 

添削

 

The Daiei Hawks became the Japan Series champion in the evening1 of at night on October 27 after defeating the Hanshin Tigers on the 7th game of the Japan Pro Baseball championship series by 6 to 2 at Fukuoka Dome Stadium, Fukuoka City. The Daiei Hawks got 4 victories wins and 3 losses2 defeats against the Hanshin Tigers in the series and got their a second Japan Series championship victory for the first time in 4 years after their first championship3.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       人が活動している時間帯はeveningで、一般の人が寝ている時間がnightというような区別です。

 

2.       スポーツの勝敗はwins and lossesを一般的に使います。

 

3.       「四年ぶり二度目の日本一に輝いた」は添削のようにするとはっきりするでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Daiei Hawks became the Japan Series champion in the evening of October 27 after defeating the Hanshin Tigers on the 7th game of the Japan Pro Baseball championship series by 6 to 2 at Fukuoka Dome Stadium, Fukuoka City. The Daiei Hawks got 4 wins and 3 losses against the Hanshin Tigers in the series and got their second Japan Series championship 4 years after their first championship.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、20 June 07

 

In this year's Japan Pro Baseball championship series, the seventh game between the Fukuoka Daiei Hawks and the Hanshin Tigers was played at the Fukuoka Dome in Fukuoka City in the night on October 27th. The Hawks won the last game by 6 to 2 against the Hanshin. The Hawks won the second national champion with 4 wins and 3 losses for the first time in four years.

 

添削

 

In this year's Japan Pro professional Bbaseball championship series, the seventh game between the Fukuoka Daiei Hawks and the Hanshin Tigers was played at the Fukuoka Dome in Fukuoka City in on the evening1 night on October 27th. The Hawks won the last game by 6 to 2 against the Hanshin. and The Hawks also won the its second national championship with 4 wins and 3 losses for the first time in four years.

 

コメント

 

1.       eveningは夕方ですが、まだ人が活動している時間(これも曖昧ですが)を指します。nightは夜遅くから明け方まです。大部分の人は寝ている時間です。ある特定の夕方を指すときはOn the eveningで夕方の時間帯を指すときはin the eveningになります。ややこしいですね。At eleven o’clock on the evening of June 20, there was an earthquake in Tokyo. Since the earthquake happened late in the evening, some people had gone to bed and did not notice it at all.

 

添削後の文章

 

In this year's Japan professional baseball championship series, the seventh game between the Fukuoka Daiei Hawks and the Hanshin Tigers was played at Fukuoka Dome in Fukuoka City on the evening on October 27th. The Hawks won the game 6 to 2 and also won its second national championship with 4 wins and 3 losses for the first time in four years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、12 June 07

 

The 7th game of this year's Japan Series, which the Fukuoka Daiei Hawks and Hanshin Tigers played in, was held at the Fukuoka Dome in Fukuoka City. The Fukuoka Daiei Hawks defeated Hanshin Tigers by 6 to 2 and had four victories and three defeats. As a result, the Fukuoka Daiei Hawks won the Japanese Series twice for the first time in four years.

 

添削

 

The 7th game of this year's Japan Series, in which the Fukuoka Daiei Hawks and played against the Hanshin Tigers played in, was held at the Fukuoka Dome Stadium in Fukuoka City on the evening of October twenty-seventh. The Fukuoka Daiei Hawks defeated the Hanshin Tigers by 6 to 2 and had four victories wins and three losses defeats in the series. As a result, the Fukuoka Daiei Hawks won the Japanese Series twice for the first second time. The last time was in four years ago1.

 

コメント

 

1.       「四年ぶり二度目の日本一に輝いた。」の表現が難しいですね。They won the Japan Series for the second time in four years.とすると「この四年間で2度目の優勝をした。」となりますから、最初に優勝したのが四年前とは限りません。それで添削のようにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The 7th game of this year's Japan Series, in which the Fukuoka Daiei Hawks played against the Hanshin Tigers, was held at Fukuoka Dome Stadium in Fukuoka City on the evening of October twenty-seventh. The Fukuoka Daiei Hawks defeated the Hanshin Tigers 6 to 2 and had four wins and three losses in the series. As a result, the Fukuoka Daiei Hawks won the Japanese Series for the second time. The last time was four years ago.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kappa2006, 7 July 06

 

The th match , Daiei vs Hanshin in Japan series of professional baseball games this year was held at night on October 27 at Fukuoka Dome. Daiei won at 6 to 2 at the game bringing 4 won 3 lost in the series for Daiei with the second championship after four years’ absence.

 

添削

 

The th seventh1 game match ,of Daiei vs versus Hanshin in the Japan sSeries2 of professional baseball games this year was held at night on on the evening of October 27 at Fukuoka Dome. Daiei won the game at 6 to 2 at the game bringing 4 won wins 3 lost losses in the series for Daiei. Daiei won3 with the second championship for the second time after four years’ absence.

 

コメント

 

1.       文中の数字が小さいときはアルファベットで表記したほうが読みやすくなります。

 

2.       日本シリーズは固有名詞扱いすると、これが特別な野球のシリーズだとわかります。

 

3.       文が長いので、ここから新しくするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The seventh game of Daiei versus Hanshin in the Japan Series of professional baseball games this year was held on the evening of October 27 at Fukuoka Dome. Daiei won the game at 6 to 2 bringing 4 wins 3 losses in the series for Daiei. Daiei won the championship for the second time after four years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、1 October 04

 

The seventh game of the Japan Professional Baseball Championship Series this year was held as a night game between the Fukuoka Daiei Hawks and the Hanshin Tigers at the Fukuoka Dome in Fukuoka City on October 27. The Fukuoka Daiei Hawks clinched its second victory in the series for the first time in four years with 4 wins and 3 losses by beating the Hanshin Tigers 6 to 2.

 

添削

 

The seventh game of the Japan Professional Baseball Championship Series this year was held as a night game between the Fukuoka Daiei Hawks and the Hanshin Tigers at the Fukuoka Dome in Fukuoka City on October 27. The Fukuoka Daiei Hawks clinched its second victory1 in the series for the first time in four years with 4 wins and 3 losses by beating the Hanshin Tigers 6 to 22.

 

コメント

事実関係が複雑な日本文ですが、マウントさんはわかりやすい英文の構成で表現しています。

 

1.       単にwon the second victory in the seriesとするよりclinched its second victory in the seriesとしてあるので「努力して勝ち取った」という感じがよくでていますね。Collins COBUILD辞書はclinchを次のように説明しています。If you clinch something you are trying to achieve, such as a business deal or victory in a contest, you succeed in obtaining it.

 

2.       「阪神タイガースを6対2(のスコアー)で破った」beat the Hanshin Tigers 6 to 2 (or 6-2)は覚えておくと便利な表現です。

 

添削後の文章

 

The seventh game of the Japan Professional Baseball Championship Series this year was held as a night game between the Fukuoka Daiei Hawks and the Hanshin Tigers at Fukuoka Dome in Fukuoka City on October 27. The Fukuoka Daiei Hawks clinched its second victory in the series for the first time in four years with 4 wins and 3 losses by beating the Hanshin Tigers 6 to 2.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Asaka, 16 Nov 03

 

In the evening of October 27, the Daiei Hawks beat the Hanshin Tigers 6 to 2 at the seventh and final game at Fukuoka Dome Stadium in Fukuoka and won the Japan series 4 to 3 games for the second time. The Daiei Hawks won the Japan series in 1999 for the first time.

 

添削

 

In On the evening of October 271, the Daiei Hawks beat the Hanshin Tigers 6 to 2 at in the seventh and final game at Fukuoka Dome Stadium in Fukuoka, and won winning2 the Japan series 4 to 3 games for the second time. This was the second time The the Daiei Hawks won the Japan series. They also won in 1999 for the first time.

 

コメント

 

短いに本文ですが情報がたくさん詰まっていて、整理しないとどのように英文で表現してよいか迷います。「ダイエーが阪神に6−2で勝ち、4勝3敗で日本シリーズに優勝した。」、「ダイエーは4年ぶりで日本シリーズに優勝した。」と内容を整理すると分かりやすくなります。

 

1.       ナイターは日本語ですね。AsakaさんOn the eveningと説明しています。At night では真夜中中になってしまいますね。

 

2.       Asakaさんの文で内容はわかりますが、最後のfor the second timeがこの文におまけの情報として入っています。添削のように文を切って、the second timeを新しい文の新しい情報にしたほうが読者に分かりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On the evening of October 27, the Daiei Hawks beat the Hanshin Tigers 6 to 2 in the seventh and final game at Fukuoka Dome Stadium in Fukuoka, winning the Japan series 4 to 3. This was the second time the Daiei Hawks won the Japan series. They also won in 1999.

 

 

初級問題 112

 

私たちが気付かないうちに、個人情報はいま膨大な量となって社会の水面下を流れている。数千万人分の個人情報を持つといわれる名簿産業は、日々データを売買している。

 

読者からの投稿 12(BURU, 28 June 15

 

While we are not aware the things, enormous personal date have been flowing in the public. It is said that one of particular industry keeps tens of millions personal date. They are treading such date everyday in the market.                                                                            

 

添削

 

While we are not aware of this the things, an enormous amount of personal date have been flowing in the public. It is said that one of particular industry keeps tens of millions personal date. They and1 are trading treading such date everyday in the market.              

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。Tradingも推測できます。

 

一般的に短い文のほうが長い分よりわかりやすいのですが、ここでは前の文と内容が密接に関連しているのでandでつなげると読みやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

While we are not aware of this, an enormous amount of personal date have been flowing in the public. It is said that one particular industry keeps tens of millions personal date and are trading such date everyday in the market.

 

                                                             

読者からの投稿 11(Valley winds, 26 December 12

 

Huge amount of personal information is flowing under the social without our awareness now. The directory industries, which are said that they have several ten thousands person’s information, are selling and buying data every day.

 

添削

 

A Hhuge amount of personal information is flowing in our under the social society without our awareness now. The directory industriesy, which is are said to that they have personal information on several tens of millions of  thousands persons information, and is are selling and buying information data every day.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、数字が日本文と違っています。数字の間違いは致命的です。文法の間違いと違っていいわけがありませんから十分気をつけてください。

 

添削後の文章

 

A huge amount of personal information is flowing in our society without our awareness now. The directory industry, which is said to have personal information on tens of millions of  persons and is selling and buying information every day.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(mxtomi, 18 November 09

 

A vast trove of personal information is flowing ceaselessly underneath our society before we know it. The list industry is said to hold tens of millions of personal data and is trading lots of such data everyday.

 

添削

 

A vast trove amount1 of personal information is flowing silently ceaselessly underneath our society being hidden from us before we know it2. The so called name list industry is said to hold tens of millions of personal data and is trading lots of such data everyday.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、分かり難いところがあります。

 

1.       情報量を言っているので、a vast amountがよいでしょう。

 

2.       A vast of amount of personal information has been secretly traded before we know it.という時間関係はありますが、A vast amount of personal information is being traded before we know it.という時間関係はわかり難いです。

 

添削後の文章

 

A vast amount of personal information is flowing silently underneath our society being hidden from us. The so called name list industry is said to hold tens of millions of personal data and is trading lots of such data everyday.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(kk, 30 May 08

 

Huge quantities of personal information have been floating under the surface of our society without our recognition. It is said that companies that trade personal information hold tens of millions of personal information. They are now buying and selling personal information every day.

 

添削

 

A Hhuge quantitiesy1 of personal information has have been floating under the surface of our society without our knowledge recognition2. It is said that companies that trade personal information hold tens of millions of pieces of personal information. They are now buying and selling personal information every day.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       情報量全体を一つとして扱うのがよいでしょう。

 

2.       この文脈では、recognitionどの情報が何を示すか区別する、knowledge情報が存在するということを知っている、という意味になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A huge quantity of personal information has been floating under the surface of our society without our knowledge. It is said that companies that trade personal information hold tens of millions of pieces of personal information. They are now buying and selling personal information every day.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(dunkel, 10 May 08

 

Today the amount of each personal data become large and these personal data flow under the surface of our society silently. There are many companies which buy and sell personal data everyday. They seems to have tens of millions of personal data now.

 

添削

 

Today the a huge amount of each personal information data become large and these personal data is flowing under the surface of our society silently. There are many companies which buy and sell personal information data everyday. They seems to have tens of millions of personal data now.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。「個人情報はいま膨大な量となって」は「膨大な量の個人情報が」という意味でしょう。個人情報一般はpersonal informationとして、最期の文は情報の量を数えているのでtens of millions of personal dataとします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Today a huge amount of personal information is flowing under the surface of our society silently. There are many companies which buy and sell personal information everyday. They seems to have tens of millions of personal data now.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(岩ちゃん、20 June 07

 

A great deal of personal information is secretly being used below the surface of our society while we aren't aware of it. The list industry that seems to have tens of millions of personal information is selling and buying data day after day.

 

添削

 

A great deal of personal information is secretly being used below the surface of our society while we aren't aware of it. The list industry that seems to have tens of millions of personal information is selling and buying data personal information1 day after day.

 

コメント

 

1.       全体に読みやすい文章ですね。ここは文章中に既出のpersonal informationで統一するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A great deal of personal information is secretly being used below the surface of our society while we aren't aware of it. The list industry that seems to have tens of millions of personal information is selling and buying personal information day after day.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(散歩人、12 June 07

 

Large numbers of leaking of personal information occur underground, before you notice. The industry to trade personal informations, which is regarded as possessing tens of millions of such a list, buys and sells the lists updated daily.

 

添削

 

A large amount of1 Large numbers of leaking of leaked personal information is flowing in society occur underground, before you notice it. The industry to trade personal informations, which perhaps has is regarded as possessing tens of millions of such a lists of personal information, buys and sells the lists daily.

 

コメント

 

1.       informationは不加算名詞なのでa large amount of informationと表現します。

 

添削後の文章

 

A large amount of leaked personal information is flowing in society before you notice it. The industry to trade personal information, which perhaps has tens of millions of such lists of personal information, buys and sells the lists daily.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Kappa2006, 7 July 06

 

A vast amount of our personal information is flowing under the society without being aware of it. So called an industry of lists which have several millions people’s personal information are dealing day by day.

 

添削

 

A vast amount of our personal information is flowing under the through1 society without even though we are not being aware of it2. So called an the “list industry3 industry of lists which have has several millions people’s personal information and selling and buying the information every day are dealing day by day.

 

コメント

 

1.       「社会の水面下を流れている」beneath the prosperous surface of Japanese society lies a series of serious social issues などのようにbeneathを比喩として使うとことがありますが、ここでは簡単にthrough societyとしても文の内容は伝わります。

 

2.       without been aware of itは良い表現ですが、この文の主語はa vast amount of informationなのでaware の主体がinformationになってしまいます。without our being aware of itとするとこの節の主語はusになります。すこし語呂が悪いのでもっと素直にeven though we are not aware of itとしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

A vast amount of our personal information is flowing through society even though we are not  aware of it. So called the “list industry” has several million people’s personal information and selling and buying the information every day .

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(マウント60、1 October 04

 

A huge amount of our personal information is now running deep under the surface of our society before we know it. The industry trading any kinds of lists of people's names is said to hold personal information about tens of millions of individuals, and buys and sells the personal data every day.

 

添削

 

A huge amount of our personal information is now running being exchanged1 deep under the surface of our society before we know it. The industry trading any kinds of lists of people's names is said to hold personal information about tens of millions of individuals, and buys and sells the personal data every day.

 

コメント

 

1.       before we know it(またはbefore we realize it)「われわれが気が付く前に」とあるので、is runningと現象を叙述するより、何かのアクションがある言葉、is being exchangedのほうが良いとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

A huge amount of our personal information is now being exchanged deep under the surface of our society before we know it. The industry trading any kinds of lists of people's names is said to hold personal information about tens of millions of individuals, and buys and sells the personal data every day.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(NOMU, 8 July 04

 

Nowadays, a large volume of personal data is flowing behind the scenes without being noticed. Directory industry, which is thought to own tens of millions of personal data is trading the data every day.

 

添削

 

Nowadays1, a large volume of personal data is flowing behind the scenes without being noticed. The Ddirectory industry, which is thought believed to own tens of millions of personal data, is trading the data every day.

 

コメント

1.       NOMUさんは日本文の内容を、わかり易い、良く整理された英文で表現しています。日本文の要点は、「個人情報が(社会に)流れている」、「名簿産業がデータを売買している」の2点ですね。この2点を押さえて英文で表現することが大切です。

 

2.       Nowadaysで文を始めることで、文が読みやすく、読者に親しみのあるものになっています。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nowadays, a large volume of personal data is flowing behind the scenes without being noticed. The directory industry, which is believed to own tens of millions of personal data, is trading the data every day.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Knight, 2 April 04

 

Personal information is now secretly flowing as a massive underwater current in our society. Personal information industries are said to have data regarding tens of millions of people and are selling and buying the information day by day.

 

添削

 

Personal information is now secretly1 flowing as a massive underwater current in our society. Personal information industries are said to have data regarding tens of millions of people and are selling and buying the information day by day.

 

コメント

 

1.       「私たちが気付かないうちに」をKnightさんはsecretlyと簡単に表現しています。ここのところを強調したいならば、Unknown to us, personal information is ~とするか、Even though we are not aware of it, personal information is ~と表現できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Personal information is now secretly1 flowing as a massive underwater current in our society. Personal information industries are said to have data regarding tens of millions of people and are selling and buying the information day by day.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(よしみ、16 Nov 03

 

While we are not aware of it, a vast amount of personal information has been flowing in society. The personal database industry now has information on tens of millions of people and is selling and buying personal information every day.

 

添削

 

While we are not aware of it Unknown to us1, a vast amount of personal information has been flowing is floating in society today2. The personal database industry now has information on tens of millions of people and is selling and buying that personal information every day3.

 

コメント

 

1.       よしみさんの表現でよいと思いますが、添削のようにすると文の重点が後半に移り、内容がはっきりします。

 

2.       現在このようなことが起こっているので現在進行形が適当です。

 

3.       よしみさんは日本文の長い修飾節を独立した文にしています。「個人情報はいま膨大な量となって社会の水面下を流れている。数千万人分の個人情報を持つといわれる名簿産業は、日々データを売買している。」というような修飾節を使った表現は日本語の特徴です。これは、「名簿産業は数千万人分の個人情報を持つ。」、「名簿産業はこのような情報を日々売買している。」という二つの文(考えたこと)を一つの文につなげて内容を緊密にする日本語の方法です。このような日本文の内容を英語で表現するときは、元の日本文の内容を修飾節の部分と残りの部分の二つにわけ、修飾節の内容によって最初の文にするか(よしみさんの例)にするか、2番目の文にするかを決めます。

 

 

添削後の文章

 

Unknown to us, a vast amount of personal information is floating in society today. The personal database industry now has information on tens of millions of people and is selling and buying that personal information every day.

 

 

初級問題 113

 

学校の卒業アルバムから住所や電話番号が消えつつある。学級の緊急連絡網さえ必要な部分しか配らない小学校も増えている。背景にあるのは子どもの個人情報を保護するためである。

 

読者からの投稿 11(BURU, 27 December 15

 

Student’s personal information like an address and a telephone number has gradually been disappearing from a student yearbook. Even a primary school which informed parents only necessary information on their emergency network of the classroom are increasing. The reason is that the schools care about the protection of student’s personal information.

 

添削

 

Students personal information such as like an their addresses and a telephone numbers have has gradually been gradually disappearing from a students’ yearbook. Even a primary schools which informed parents of only necessary information necessary for on their emergency network of the classroom are increasing in number. The reason is that the schools care about the protection of students personal information.

 

コメント

 

Even a primary school which informed parents only necessary information on their emergency network of the classroom are increasing.の部分が分かり難いですが、文章全体の内容は推測できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Students’ personal information such as their addresses and telephone numbers have been gradually disappearing from a students’ yearbook. Even primary schools which inform parents of only information necessary for their emergency network are increasing in number. The reason is that the schools care about the protection of students’ personal information.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 26 December 12

 

Addresses and phone numbers have not been appeared in more yearbook at school. More elementary schools inform only essential information as an emergency call network. There is a backdrop of the protection against leakage of children’s personal information.

 

添削

 

Addresses and phone numbers are disappearing1 have not been appeared in from more and more school yearbooks at school. An increasing number of2 More elementary schools inform parents only essential information such as an emergency telephone numbers in their emergency call networks3. Behind these trends, Tthere is a backdrop of the protection against leakage of children’s personal information.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略がわかります。

 

1.       一般的に否定形より肯定形の表現がわかりやすいです。

 

2.       An increasing number of ~は便利な表現です。

 

3.       ここの内容は複雑ですが、それぞれの学校に緊急連絡網というものがあり、以前はいろいろな情報が載っていたが、現在ではごく限られたものしかのっていない、ということでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Addresses and phone numbers are disappearing from more and more school yearbooks. An increasing number of elementary schools inform parents only essential information such as  emergency telephone numbers in their emergency call networks. Behind these trends, there is a backdrop of the protection of children’s personal information.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(mxtomi, 18 November 09

 

Addresses and phone numbers are gradually disappearing from school yearbooks. An increasing number of primary schools are reducing the contents of their emergency telephone trees to be distributed to parents to the bare minimum. The reason behind this trend is an increasing public concern for safeguarding private information of school children from abuses.

 

添削

 

Addresses and phone numbers are gradually disappearing from school yearbooks. An increasing number of primary schools are reducing the contents of their emergency telephone trees numbers to be distributed to parents to the bare minimum. The reason behind this trend is an increasing level of public concern for safeguarding private information of school children from abuses.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。「学級の緊急連絡網さえ必要な部分しか配らない小学校も増えている。」の英語表現がわかりやすいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Addresses and phone numbers are gradually disappearing from school yearbooks. An increasing number of primary schools are reducing the contents of their emergency telephone numbers to be distributed to parents to the bare minimum. The reason behind this trend is an increasing level of public concern for safeguarding private information of school children from abuses.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(kk, 31 May 08

 

Addresses and telephone numbers of students have been disappearing from yearbooks of schools. An increasing number of elementary schools have distributed emergency contact number lists with only limited information to appropriate parents. In the background of this situation exists the need to protect the personal information of their students.

 

添削

 

Addresses and telephone numbers of students have been disappearing from yearbooks of schools yearbooks. An increasing number of elementary schools are have distributeding emergency contact number lists with only limited information to appropriate parents. In the background of this situation exists the need to protect the personal information of their students.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Addresses and telephone numbers of students have been disappearing from school yearbooks. An increasing number of elementary schools are distributing emergency contact number lists with only limited information to appropriate parents. In the background of this situation exists the need to protect personal information of their students.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 11 May 08

 

Today we can hardly find a school yearbook which has addresses and telephone numbers of students. This is for the protection of personal information. There are even some elementary schools which distribute a list for emergency call with minimal data for each pupil.

 

添削

 

Today we can hardly find a school yearbook which has addresses and telephone numbers of students. This is for the protection of personal information. There are even some elementary schools which distribute a list for emergency calls with minimal data for each pupil1.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。日本文の内容を再構築して英文で表現してあるので内容がわかりやすいですね。

 

1.       多分、各児童の情報は載っていないのでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Today we can hardly find a school yearbook which has addresses and telephone numbers of students. This is for the protection of personal information. There are even some elementary schools which distribute a list for emergency calls with minimal data.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、20 June 07

 

Even addresses and telephone numbers in school yearbooks are being erased. Primary schools which hand only necessary parts in even urgent telephone tree are increasing. This background is because of protecting personal information about children.

 

添削

 

Even1 aAddresses and telephone numbers of students in school yearbooks are disappearing from school yearbooks being erased. Primary schools which hand2 out to parents only necessary parts in even of their emergency urgent telephone numbers tree are increasing in number. This background This is all because3 of protecting personal information about children.

 

コメント

 

1.       evenは「〜さえも」ですから、既に何かのついての記述があり、「その上に〜さえも」と続きます。文章の始めに使うときは、読者が既にあることについて知っていることを想定します。ここでは使わないほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       hand out A to Bという形ですから、日本文には書いてありませんが、「父母に」を入れます。

 

3.       This is all because ~は、文章に既に述べたことを受けて、「これは総て〜という利用による」となります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Addresses and telephone numbers of students are disappearing from school yearbooks. Primary schools which hand out to parents only necessary parts of their emergency  telephone numbers are increasing in number. This is all because of protecting personal information about children.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、13 June 07

 

An increasing number of schools has been eliminating an pupillary address and telephone number from school yearbooks. They hand out only a necessary part of even a phone calling tree of each class. The reason behind the phenomenon is in a protection personal information of the children.

 

添削

 

An increasing number of schools has have1 been eliminating an pupillary addresses and telephone numbers of students from school yearbooks. Some primary schools2 They hand out to parents only a necessary part of their school telephone books for emergency contact even a phone calling tree of each class. The reason behind the phenomenon is to in a protection the personal information of the children.

 

コメント

 

1.       an increasing number of schools全体で複数なので、動詞は複数形を取ります。

 

2.       この前の文は学校一般(中学も含む)で、ここでは小学校のことのようなので、添削のように主語を変えるとよいでしょう。「学級の緊急連絡網さえ必要な部分しか配らない小学校も増えている。」の下線部分がよくわからないのですが、学校はそれぞれに緊急連絡用電話帳というようなものを持っていて、これの最小必要限の番号を父母に渡す、ということでしょうか。

 

添削後の文章

 

An increasing number of schools have been eliminating addresses and telephone numbers of students from school yearbooks. Some primary schools hand out to parents only a necessary part of their school telephone books for emergency contact . The reason behind the phenomenon is to protect the personal information of children.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Kappa2006, 11 July 06

 

Address and telephone numbers are eliminating from the graduation album of school. Primary schools in which only limited parts in emergency network sheet of the class room are distributed are increasing. It is due to the background that personal information should be kept for children.

 

添削

 

Addresses and telephone numbers are being eliminatinged from the graduation album of school. Primary schools in which that distribute1 only limited parts in of the emergency network sheet to parents of the class room are distributed are increasing in number. It This2  is all due to the background increasing concern that personal information on children should be kept for children carefully guarded3.

 

コメント

 

1.       学校を主語にして能動態で表現したほうが内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       前に述べたこと一般を指すにはthisを使います。itは指すものが不特定になります。

 

3.       be carefully guardedとすると内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Addresses and telephone numbers are being eliminated from the graduation album of school. Primary schools that distribute only limited parts of the emergency network sheet to parents are increasing in number. This is all due to the increasing concern that personal information on children should be carefully guarded.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60.5 October 04

 

Students' addresses and telephone numbers are disappearing from school yearbooks.  More and more primary schools are giving out handouts on classes' emergency contact networks with very limited information which is really necessary. The reason behind this is that schools want to protect personal information about children.

 

添削

 

Students' addresses and telephone numbers are disappearing from school yearbooks.  More and more primary schools are giving out handouts on of classes' emergency contact networks with very limited information which is really necessary1. The reason behind this is that2 schools want to protect personal information about children.

 

コメント

 

1.       「学級の緊急連絡網さえ必要な部分しか配らない小学校も増えている。」はマウント60さんの投稿のように、英文では「必要な部分の限られた情報しか入っていない緊急連絡網のハンドブックを配る」というように表現します。

 

2.       「背景にあるのは〜」をThe reason behind this is ~というのはわかりやすい表現ですね。もっと簡単にThis is because ~としても良いでしょう。ここでthisは前の文章全体の内容を指します。

 

添削後の文章

 

Students' addresses and telephone numbers are disappearing from school yearbooks. More and more primary schools are giving out handouts of classes' emergency contact networks with very limited information which is really necessary. The reason behind this is that schools want to protect personal information about children.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Knight, 18 April 04

 

Addresses and phone numbers are disappearing from student yearbooks. An increasing number of elementary school deliver the minimum part of a phone number list that is used in emergency contact. In the background of these facts lies the problem of protecting personal information.

 

添削

 

Addresses and phone numbers are disappearing from student yearbooks. An increasing number of elementary schools deliver hand out1 to parents only the minimum limited2 part of a phone number list that is used in for emergency contact3. In the background of these facts lies the problem concern about4 of protecting personal information of school children.

 

コメント

 

Knightさん投稿は読みやすい英文になっていますね。文の構造がはっきりしていて、主語と動詞がすぐにわかることが読みやすさの要因です。

 

1.       Deliverは「先生が戸別に緊急連絡簿を配って歩く」という感じです。実際に先生はこうしているのかもしれません。もう少し一般的に表現するなら、hand outでよいでしょう。

 

2.       the minimum partとすると「どこがminimumなのか」わかりにくいです。Limited のほうが良いでしょう。

 

3.       Elementary schools hand out to parents only the limited part of a phone number list that is used for emergency contact.で下線のthat以下がthe limited part of a phone number listに懸かるのか、またはa phone number listだけに懸かるのか、わかりにくいですね。そもそも緊急連絡用電話簿があるのだが、この電話簿についても必要最小部分しか父兄に配布しない、ということのようなので、もしこのことをはっきりとさせようとすると、次のような例になります。

 

Even for the distribution of a list of emergency phone numbers that are compiled by a school, an increasing number of schools hand out only the minimum necessary part of the phone list to parents.

 

4.       The problem of protecting personal informationは、「個人情報保護に関する問題」になります。the concern about protecting personal informationは「個人情報を保護に関する懸念」でこのほうがこの文脈では適当でしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Addresses and phone numbers are disappearing from student yearbooks. An increasing number of elementary schools hand out to parents only the limited part of a phone number list that is used for emergency contact. In the background of these facts lies the concern about  protecting personal information of school children.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NANA, 27 Nov 03

 

Telephone numbers are disappearing from school yearbooks and an increasing number of primary schools distribute only a minimum personal information on its emergency contact information. This is all because of increasing concern to protect personal information on school children.

 

添削

 

Telephone numbers are disappearing from school yearbooks and an increasing number of primary schools distribute list only a minimum personal information1 on its their emergency contact information sheets. This is all because of the increasing concern2 to about protecting personal information on of school age children.

 

コメント

 

1.       「学級の緊急連絡網さえ必要な部分しか配らない」はdistribute their emergency contact sheets with minimum personal informationとするとdistributeが強調されます。list only minimum personal information on their contact sheetsとするとlist only minimum personal informationが強調されます。文脈から後者の方が適当だと思います。「必要な部分」をminimumと簡潔に表現したのが良いですね。

 

2.       NANAさんはThis is because of the increasing concern about ~と日本文の内容をよく読みとって英文で表現しています。

 

添削後の文章

 

Telephone numbers are disappearing from school yearbooks and an increasing number of primary schools list only minimum personal information on their emergency contact sheets. This is because of the increasing concern about protecting personal information of school age children.

 

 

初級問題 114

 

増加するロシア人の買い物客に対応しようと、小樽市の新南樽市場の鮮魚店や精肉店などの経営者らが、実践的なロシア語を身につけようと熱心に学んでいる。

 

読者からの投稿 11(BURU, 4 July 15

 

The managers of fish shops and butchers of Otaru city are keen to study a practical Russian because Russian shoppers are increasing to visit there now. They try to communicate with Russian customers smoothly .   

 

添削

 

The managers of fish shops and butchers meat shops1 in of Otaru cCity are keen to study a practical Russian because Russian shoppers are increasing to visit2 there now. The managers3 are trying4 They try to communicate with Russian customers smoothly .   

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       A butcher は店ではなくて人なので、fish shopsと形式の同じ meat shopsにするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       Shoppersにすでに「店を訪れる」という意味が入っていますから、これは不要です。

 

3.       ここまでの文に店のマネジャーと客の二種類のtheyが出てきているので、混乱を避けるためにthe managersと明記します。

 

4.       進行形にすると臨場感が出ます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The managers of fish shops and meat shops in Otaru City are keen to study practical Russian because Russian shoppers are increasing there now. The managers are trying to communicate with Russian customers smoothly .   

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 15 January 13

 

In order to deal with increasing Russian customers, storekeepers of fish shops and meat shops at Shin-Nantaru Market in Otaru City are studying practical Russian eagerly.

 

添削

 

In order to deal with increasing Russian customers, storekeepers of fish shops and meat shops at Shin-Nantaru Market in Otaru City are studying practical Russian eagerly.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(mxtomi, 18 November 09

 

Some operators of shops such as fish and butcher at Shinnantaru Market in Otaru City are earnestly studying Russian to get a practical command of the language. They are motivated by the desire to better serve an increasing number of customers from the Russia.

 

添削

 

Some operators owners of fish and meat shops such as fish and butcher at Shinnantaru Market in Otaru City are earnestly learning studying Russian to get a practical command of the language1. They are motivated by the desire to better serve an increasing number of customers from the Russia.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       ~ are learning conversational Russian phrases to deal with an increasing number of Russian customers.というのが実情でしょうか。

 

添削後の文章

 

Some owners of fish and meat shops at Shinnantaru Market in Otaru City are earnestly learning  Russian to get a practical command of the language. They are motivated by the desire to better serve an increasing number of customers from the Russia.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(kk, 3 June 08

 

Owners of fishmongers and butchers at Shinnantaru Market in Otaru City have been trying to learn and acquire practical Russian earnestly to attend to an increasing number of Russian shoppers.

 

添削

 

Owners of fFishmongers1 and butchers at Shinnantaru Market in Otaru City are2 have been trying to learning and acquire practical Russian earnestly to attend to an increasing number of Russian shoppers.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。to attend to Russian shoppersが適切な表現ですね。

 

1.       fishmongersは魚屋の人の意味があります。

 

2.       現在も学んでいるということなので、現在進行形でよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Fishmongers and butchers at Shinnantaru Market in Otaru City are learning practical Russian earnestly to attend to an increasing number of Russian shoppers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 13 May 08

 

The number of Russian visitors is increasing in Otaru City, Hokkaido these days. Shop owners such as fish stores and meat stores at Shin-Nantaru Market in Otaru City eagerly learns business Russian now for communicating directly with them.

 

添削

 

The number of Russian visitors is increasing in Otaru City, Hokkaido these days. Shop owners such as fish stores and meat stores at Shin-Nantaru Market in Otaru City are eagerly learnsing elementary business Russian phrases now for the communicatingon directly with Russian shoppers them.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of Russian visitors is increasing in Otaru City, Hokkaido these days. Shop owners such as fish stores and meat stores at Shin-Nantaru Market in Otaru City are eagerly learning elementary Russian phrases for the communication with Russian shoppers .

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、20 June 07

 

To cope with  increasing Russian shoppers, store owners such as a fish and a meat store in Shinnantaru market in Otaru City are eagerly studying to master practical Russian.

 

添削

 

To cope with an increasing number of Russian shoppers, store owners of stores such as a fish and a meat stores in at Shinnantaru mMarket1 in Otaru City are eagerly studying to master2 practical Russian.

 

コメント

 

1.       大文字で固有名詞にします。

 

2.       多分masterまでしなくても充分ではないでしょうか。

 

添削後の文章

 

To cope with an increasing number of Russian shoppers, owners of stores such as fish and meat stores at Shinnantaru Market in Otaru City are eagerly studying practical Russian.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、13 June 07

 

In order to wait on a increasing number of customer from Russia, proprietors of a fish shop and a meat shop in the Shin Minami Otaru markets in Otaru City study practical Russian eagerly.

 

添削

 

In order to wait on an increasing number of customer from Russia, proprietors of a fish shop and a meat shop stores at in the Shin Minami Otaru markets Market in Otaru City are eagerly studying practical Russian eagerly1.

 

コメント

 

1.       従来は副詞は投稿のように動詞の後ろに置く、とされていましたが、現在では動詞の前に置くことが多くなっています。

 

添削後の文章

 

In order to wait on an increasing number of customer from Russia, proprietors of fish and meat stores at Shin Minami Otaru Market in Otaru City are eagerly studying practical Russian.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(KAPPA2006, 1 August 06

 

In order to cope with increasing Russian buyers, many managements of fish ships and meat shops at the Shin Minami-taru Market in Otaru city are learning practical Russian languages eagerly.

 

添削

 

In order to cope with an increasing number of1 Russian buyers, many managements of fish ships and meat shops at the Shin Minami-taru Market in Otaru cCity are learning practical Russian languages2 eagerly.

 

コメント

 

1.       increasing prices, increasing pressureのようにincreasingはあるものの性質が増加する、意味につかうので、ここでは「ロシア人買い物客」の数が増加します。

 

2.       買い物客の応対に使う実践的な文句、の意味ならpractical Russian phrasesがよいでしょう。確かに、ロシア語の基礎から始めるのではなくて、このような実践的なものを勉強しているのでしょうね。

 

添削後の文章

 

In order to cope with an increasing number of Russian buyers, many managements of fish and meat shops at the Shin Minami-taru Market in Otaru City are learning practical Russian eagerly.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、5 October 04

 

In order to respond the needs of increasing number of Russian customers, owners of fish stores and meat shops at Shin Nantaru Market in Otaru City, Hokkaido are studying very hard to acquire practical knowledge of the Russian language.

 

添削

 

In order to respond to the needs of an increasing number of Russian customers, owners of fish stores and meat shops at Shin Nantaru Market in Otaru City, Hokkaido are studying very hard to acquire practical knowledge of the Russian language1.

 

添削

 

1.       ここは簡単にare seriously studying practical Russianとしても前の文脈から内容がわかると思います。

 

添削後の文章

 

In order to respond to the needs of an increasing number of Russian customers, owners of fish stores and meat shops at Shin Nantaru Market in Otaru City, Hokkaido are studying very hard to acquire practical knowledge of the Russian language.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Knight, 2 May 04

 

The owners of fish and meat shops at Shin-minamitaru Market in Otaru City are studying practical Russian hard to draw in the increasing number of Russian shoppers.

 

添削

 

The owners of fish and meat shops at Shin-minamitaru Market in Otaru City are studying practical Russian hard eagerly1 to draw in the increasing number of more2 Russian shoppers.

 

コメント

 

1.       study hardというと(試験に備えて)一生懸命がんばって勉強している、というかんじになります。(自主的に)熱心に勉強している、にはstudy eagerlyのほうが良いでしょう。

 

2.       「もっとロシア人の客を店に呼び込みたい」なら添削のようになります。「ロシア人の客が増えていてそれに対応する必要上から」ということならto cope with an increasing number of Russian shoppersになります。実際はどっちの要素が強いのでしょうか?

 

添削後の文章

 

The owners of fish and meat shops at Shin-minamitaru Market in Otaru City are studying practical Russian eagerly to draw in more Russian shoppers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Asaka, 27 Nov 03

 

Owners of fish stores and meat stores at Shin Minamitaru Market in Otaru are studying practical Russian to cope with an increasing number of Russian customers.

 

添削

 

Owners of fish stores and meat stores at Shin Minamitaru Market in Otaru are studying practical Russian1 to cope with an increasing number of Russian customers.

 

コメント

 

1.       Asakaさんは「実践的なロシア語を身につけようと熱心に学んでいる」をstudy practical Russianと簡潔に表現しています。日本語には(英語も同様ですが)日常よく使う常套句があります。「ロシア語を身につける」は、文脈によってはmaster Russian と表現したほうが良いときもあるでしょうが、ここではstudy practical Russianのほうが適当ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Owners of fish and meat stores at Shin Minamitaru Market in Otaru are studying practical Russian to cope with an increasing number of Russian customers.

 

 

初級問題 115

 

今年4月から家庭ごみの収集が有料化された北海道名寄市では、9月までの半年間の市収集のごみの量が41%も減った。

 

読者からの投稿 11(BURU, 4 July 15

 

In Nayoro city, Hokkaido, has charged the disposal fee of garbage from each family since this April. As a result, the total quantity of garbage has already reduced 41% for this half a year between April and September.

 

添削

 

In Nayoro cCity, in Hokkaido1, has started2 chargeding the a disposal fee for of garbage from each family since this April. As a result, the total quantity of garbage has been already reduced by 41% for the first this half of this a year between April and September.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       Nayoro Cityを文の主語にします。

 

2.       Startedをいれると、ゴミ収集の有料化が始まった、ことがはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nayoro City in Hokkaido started charging a disposal fee for garbage from each family since this April. As a result, the total quantity of garbage has been already reduced by 41% for the first half of this year between April and September.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 15 January 13

 

The amount of half a year’s garbage in Nayoro City, Hokkaido collected by the city from this April to September dropped 41 percents. In this city, there became a charge for house’s garbage collection since April.

 

添削

 

The amount of half a year’s garbage collected in Nayoro City, Hokkaido over the last six months collected by the city from this April to September dropped by 41 percents from the previous six months. after In this the city, started charging there became a charge fees for house’s garbage collection since April.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、41パーセントの減少がどの時期との比較なのかわかりません。

 

添削後の文章

 

The amount of garbage collected in Nayoro City, Hokkaido over the last six months from  April to September dropped by 41 percent from the previous six months after the city started charging fees for house garbage collection since April.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(mxtomi, 18 November 09

 

This April, the City of Nayoro in Hokkaido started charging its residents for their household garbage collection. This change has brought about a phenomenal 41% decrease in the volume of garbage the city collected for the six months from April through September.

 

添削

 

This April, the City of Nayoro in Hokkaido started charging its residents for their household garbage collection. This change has brought about a phenomenal 41% decrease in the volume of garbage the city collected for the six months from April through September.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 8(kk, 3 June 08

 

Collection of household garbage has been charged in Nayoro City, Hokkaido since this April. Over half the year, from April to September, the amount of collected garbage had been decreasing by about 41 %.

 

添削

 

Since this April, Ccollection of household garbage has been charged in Nayoro City, Hokkaido since this April. Over the last half the year, from April to September, the amount of collected garbage collected has had been reduced1 decreasing by about 41 %.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       has decreased 収集ゴミの量が減少した。has been reduced 収集ゴミの量を(家庭が)減少させた、で文章の内容からすると後者のほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Since this April, collection of household garbage has been charged in Nayoro City, Hokkaido. Over the last the year from April to September, the amount of garbage collected has been reduced by about 41 %.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 15 May 08

 

The amount of collected garbage by the government of Nayoro City in Hokkaido decreased by 41 percent from April to September this year. This is because Nayoro City started to switch from free garbage collection to paid service.

 

添削

 

The amount of collected garbage collected by the government of Nayoro City in Hokkaido decreased by 41 percent from April to September this year. This was is because Nayoro City started to switched from free to paid garbage collection to paid service.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。添削は文章を簡略にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The amount of garbage collected by Nayoro City in Hokkaido decreased by 41 percent from April to September this year. This was because Nayoro City switched from free to paid garbage collection.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、20 June 07

 

Hokkaido's Nayoro City have switched from free garbage collection to paid service since this April. The volume of garbage have decreased by 41% for the half year ending September.

 

添削

 

Hokkaido's Nayoro City have switched1 from free domestic garbage collection from free to paid services since this April. The volume of garbage have has2 decreased by 41% for the half year ending September.

 

コメント

 

1.       ここでは単に「〜した」と過去形でよいでしょう。

 

2.       ここでは「いままでに〜これだけ減少した結果になった」と強調するために現在完了形が適切です。

 

添削後の文章

 

Hokkaido's Nayoro City switched domestic garbage collection from free to paid services since this April. The volume of garbage has decreased by 41% for the half year ending September.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、14 June 07

 

In Nayoro City Hokkaido where the garbage service for home trash went to from free to fee from this April, the amount of their garbage to collect decreased by 41 percent in half a year until this September.

 

添削

 

In Nayoro City, Hokkaido, where the the city’s1 garbage collection services for home trash went changed to from free to fee-for-service from this April, the amount of their garbage to collect decreased by 41 percent in the half year from April to half a year until this September2.

 

コメント

 

1.       「名寄市による家庭ごみの収集」とはっきり表現するとよいでしょう。

 

2.       「4月から9月までの半年間で」とすると表現が簡単になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

In Nayoro City, Hokkaido, where the city’s garbage collection services for home trash changed from free to fee-for-service this April, the amount of garbage decreased by 41 percent in the half year from April to September.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(KAPPA2006, 1 Aug 06

 

Nayoro city, Hokkaido has charged fee in collecting garbage from homes since this April. The amount of garbage of the city for the half year ending September decreased by 41%.

 

添削

 

Nayoro cCity, Hokkaido, has been chargeding1 fees in from collecting garbage from homes since this April. As a result, Tthe amount of garbage decreased by 41%2 of the city for the half year ending September decreased by 41%.

 

コメント

 

1.       since this Aprilとあるので、ここは現在完了進行形になります。Nayoro City started charging fees for collecting domestic garbage this April.と表現することもできます。

 

2.       主語の次にすぐに動詞を置くと内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nayoro City, Hokkaido, has been charging fees from collecting garbage from homes since this April. As a result, the amount of garbage decreased by 41% for the half year ending September.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、9 October 04

 

In Ashoro City, Hokkaido, where the residents were required by law to pay for the garbage collection by the city as of April this year, the amount of garbage collected by the city decreased by as many as 41 percent for the six months between April and September.

 

添削

 

In Ashoro City, Hokkaido, where the residents were required by by-law1 to pay for the garbage collection by the city as of April this year, the amount of garbage collected by the city decreased by as many much2 as 41 percent for the six months between from April and to September this year compared with the same period last year3.

 

コメント

 

1.       市町村の条例をcity by-lawといいます。

 

2.       41パーセントと数字が出てきますが、減ったのはゴミの量なのでas much asにします。

 

3.       日本文では明らかでないですが、41パーセントあるので比較するものが必要です。多分、添削のようなことでしょう。

 

文の最初の部分をAshoro City in Hokkaido started charging fees for the collection of garbage this April. As a result, the amount of garbage ~.と二つの文に分けると簡単になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

In Ashoro City, Hokkaido, where the residents were required by by-law to pay for the garbage collection by the city as of April this year, the amount of garbage collected by the city decreased as much as 41 percent for the six months from April to September this year compared with the same period last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Knight, 21 April 04

 

In Nayoro City, Hokkaido Prefecture, the amount of household garbage collected from April to September decreased by as much as 41 percent, after the city began to charge for garbage collection.

 

添削

 

In Nayoro City, Hokkaido Prefecture, the amount of household garbage collected from April to September this year1 decreased by as much as 41 percent, after2 the city began to charge for garbage collection.

 

コメント

 

1.       いつの新聞記事の要約だったか忘れてしまいましたが、独立した文章としてみるときにはここに年が入っていたほうが良いです。

 

2.       「家庭ごみの収集が有料化された北海道名寄市では」をafter the city began to charge for garbage collection.としたのは良いですね。日本文の因果関係の記述は融通無碍ですが、英文では因果関係をbecause, since, as, therefore, then などを使って明らかにするので、日本文の内容を因果関係の観点から読み解いて的確に英文で表現する必要があります。

 

添削後の文章

 

In Nayoro City, Hokkaido Prefecture, the amount of household garbage collected from April to September this year decreased by as much as 41 percent, after the city began to charge for garbage collection.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Daio, 5 Dec 03

 

The amount of domestic garbage collected by Nayoro City, Hokkaido, decreased by 41 percent since the City started charging for garbage collection.

 

添削

 

The amount of domestic garbage1 collected by Nayoro City, Hokkaido, has decreased by 41 percent since the City started charging for garbage collection.

 

コメント

 

1.       日本文は長い修飾節が文の最初にきていますが、要点は「ゴミの量が減った」ですね。Daioさんはこの要点を英文の最初に持ってきています。このように英文では要点を最初に述べて、後からその説明を加えるというスタイルが普通です。

 

添削後の文章

 

The amount of domestic garbage collected by Nayoro City, Hokkaido, has decreased by 41 percent since the City started charging for garbage collection.

 

 

初級問題 116

 

10月28日に太陽の表面に巨大な黒点が2個出現した。黒点はそれぞれ地球の直径の約10倍もの大きさで、条件が良ければ肉眼でも見える。

 

読者からの投稿 10(BURU, 1 Aug 15

 

Two huge sunspots appeared on the surface of the sun. The size of those sunspots were about ten times of the diameter of the earth. If the weather condition is good enough, we can see the sunspots by the naked eyes.

 

添削

 

Two huge sunspots have appeared on the surface of the sun. The sizes of those sunspots are were about ten times as large as of the diameter of the earth. If the weather condition is good enough, we can see the sunspots by the naked eyes.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       この記事が書かれた時点で現在の出来事です。

 

添削後の文章

 

Two huge sunspots have appeared on the surface of the sun. The sizes of those sunspots are about ten times as large as the diameter of the earth. If the weather condition is good , we can see the sunspots by the naked eyes.

 

 

読者からの添削 9(Valley winds, 15 January 13

 

Two big black points appeared on the surface of the sun on October 28. The diameters of each black points are about 10 times of the Earth’s diameter and are visible to the naked eye.

 

添削

 

Two big black points appeared on the surface of the sun on October 28. The diameters of each both black points are about 10 times of the Earth’s diameter and are visible to the naked eye.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Two big black points appeared on the surface of the sun on October 28. The diameter of both black points are about 10 times of the Earth’s diameter and are visible to the naked eye.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 22 November 09

 

Two huge sunspots emerged on the sun’s surface on October 28. The each sunspot has a diameter ten times wider than that of the earth and can be observed with the naked eye if weather conditions are met.

 

添削

 

Two huge sunspots emerged on the sun’s surface on October 28. The eEach sunspot has a diameter ten times wider than that of the earth and can be observed with the naked eye if the weather conditions is right are met.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Two huge sunspots emerged on the sun’s surface on October 28. Each sunspot has a diameter ten times wider than that of the earth and can be observed with the naked eye if the weather condition is right .

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 15 May 08

 

On October 28, two huge sunspots appeared on the surface of the sun. Each sunspot is about ten times as large as the diameter of the earth. They are visible to the naked eye if the weather condition is good.

 

添削

 

On October 28, two huge sunspots appeared on the surface of the sun. Each sunspot is about ten times as large as the diameter of the earth. They are visible to the naked eye if the weather condition is good.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、23 June 07

 

Two huge black spots appeared on the surface of the sun on October 28. Each black spot is about ten times as large as the Earth's diameter. If the conditions are met, we can see them with the naked eye.

 

添削

 

Two huge black spots appeared on the surface of the sun on October 28. Each black spot is about ten times as large as the Earth's diameter. If the weather conditions are good met1, we can see them with the naked eye.

 

コメント

 

1.       どういう条件なのか書き加えるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Two huge black spots appeared on the surface of the sun on October 28. Each black spot is about ten times as large as the Earth's diameter. If weather conditions are good, we can see them with the naked eye.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、14 June 07

 

On October 28th, two huge sunspots were found on the surface of the Sun. The diameters of each sunspots are twice as long as that of the earth. If the condition of the environment around you is good, you can find it with your naked eyes.

 

添削

 

On October 28th, two huge sunspots were found on the surface of the Ssun. The diameters of each sunspots is are twice ten times as long as that of the earth. If weather conditions are  the condition of the environment around you is good1, you can find see them it with your the naked eyes2.

 

コメント

 

1.       気候条件がよければ、if weather conditions are goodという常套句があります。

 

2.       肉眼で、with the naked eyeという表現が一般的です。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 28th, two huge sunspots were found on the surface of the sun. The diameter of each sunspot is ten times as long as that of the earth. If weather conditions are good, you can see them with the naked eye.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(KAPPA2006, 1 August 06

 

A huge black point appeared on the surface of the sun on October 28. The size of each black point is about ten times of the diameter of the earth so that they are visible with our naked eyes.

 

添削

 

A Two huge black points appeared on the surface of the sun on October 28. The size of each black point is about ten times as large as1 of the diameter of the earth so that they are visible with our naked eyes.

 

コメント

 

1.       A is ten times as large as B. という表現になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Two huge black points appeared on the surface of the sun on October 28. The size of each black point is about ten times as large as the diameter of the earth so that they are visible with naked eyes.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、9 October 04

 

On October 28, there appeared two giant maculae on the surface of the sun. Each of them has a diameter which is about ten times as long as that of the earth and they are visible to the naked eye under favorable conditions.

 

添削

 

On October 28, there appeared two giant maculae have appeared1 on the surface of the sun. Each of them has a diameter which is about ten times as long wide2 as that of the earth and they are can be visible to the naked eye under favorable conditions.

 

コメント

 

1.       there appeared AよりA appearedのほうが直裁な表現です。ここでは、後の文章にcan be visibleとあるので、「(今でも継続して)出現している」と言う意味でhave appearedにしました。

 

2.       Diameterなのでlong よりwideが良いでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 28, two giant maculae have appeared on the surface of the sun. Each of them has a diameter which is about ten times as wide as that of the earth and can be visible to the naked eye under favorable conditions.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Knight, 21 April 04

 

On October 28, two huge sunspots appeared on the surface of the sun. Each sunspot is ten times as large as the earth in diameter and can be seen with the naked eye weather permitting.

 

添削

On October 28, two huge sunspots appeared on the surface of the sun. Each sunspot is ten times as large as the earth in diameter and can be seen with the naked eye if weather conditions are good permitting1.

 

コメント

 

1.       Weather permitting, we will have lunch in the garden.というようにweather permittingは常套句として使われますが、この文章では易しくif weather conditions are goodとしたほうが文章全体のバランスがよくなると思います。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 28, two huge sunspots appeared on the surface of the sun. Each sunspot is ten times as large as the earth in diameter and can be seen with the naked eye if weather conditions are good.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Daiji, 5 Dec 03

 

On October 28, two huge black spots appeared on the sun. Each of them is ten times as large as the earth and can be observed with naked eyes if the weather condition is good.

 

添削

 

On October 28, two huge black spots appeared on the sun. Each of them the spots1 is ten times as large as the earth and can be observed with the naked eyes2 if the weather conditions is are good3.

 

コメント

 

1.       短い文章ですがthe spotsと同じ言葉を繰り返すと読者にわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       「肉眼で」は通常with the naked eyeと表現します。

 

3.       「気象条件がよければ」はif weather conditions are good.と複数で表現します。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 28, two huge black spots appeared on the sun. Each of the spots is ten times as large as the earth and can be observed with the naked eye if weather conditions are good.

 

 

初級問題 117

 

「孫の友人」をよそおい高齢者の自宅を訪れ、金をだまし取る新手の詐欺が沖縄県内で相次いでいる。今年4月から10月までに13件の被害届があり、計約二百六十万円をだまし取られた。

 

読者からの投稿 12(BURU, 3 January 16

 

The new way of the scam has been increasing in Okinawa Prefecture. The way is that a man disguised the friend of an elder person’s grandson visited the house. Eventually, the fraud ripped off. Thirteen claims were filed between April and October in this year. The total amount of grift was rising up approximately 2.6 million yen.

 

添削

 

The new way of the scam has been increasing in Okinawa Prefecture. In this scam, The way is that a man disguised as a the friend of an elder person’s grandson visitsed1 the house of the elder person and . Eeventually, the fraud rips ped off money. Thirteen claims were filed to police between April and October in this year. The total amount of money ripped off grift was rising up about approximately 2.6 million yen2.

 

コメント

 

全体の内容は推測できますが、Eventually, the fraud ripped off. Thirteen claims were filed between April and October in this year. The total amount of grift was rising up approximately 2.6 million yen.のところは文と文のつながりがはっきりしません。

 

1.       現在も行われている詐欺の手口の説明として、現在形がよいでしょう。

 

2.       投稿のままですと、今年4月から10月までの被害額ということがはっきりしません。

 

添削後の文章

 

The new way of the scam has been increasing in Okinawa Prefecture. In this scam, a man disguised as a friend of an elder person’s grandson visits the house of the elder person and eventually rips off money. Thirteen claims were filed to police between April and October  this year. The total amount of money ripped off t was about 2.6 million yen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(Valley winds, 15 January 13

 

New type of frauds have happened for many times in Okinawa Prefecture. It is that someone disguised oneself an aged person’s grandson’s friend and visited an aged person and defrauded a person of money. There are thirteen offense reports from this April to October and the amount of damage is about 2.6 million yen.

 

添削

 

A Nnew type of frauds has taken place have happened for many times in Okinawa Prefecture. It is that sSomeone disguised oneself as a an aged person’s grandson’s friend of the grandson of an old person1. and visited the an old aged person and defrauded him a person of money. There have been are thirteen offense reports of the fraud from this April to October and the amount of damage has reached is about 2.6 million yen.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       an aged person’s grandson’s friendのようにアポストロフィーが重なると分かり難いので、添削のようにofを使うとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new type of fraud has taken place many times in Okinawa Prefecture. Someone disguised oneself as a friend of the grandson of an old person, visited the old person and defrauded him of money. There have been thirteen reports of the fraud from April to October and the amount of damage has reached about 2.6 million yen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(mxtomi, 22 November 09

 

In Okinawa Prefecture, there has been a series of new kind of scams where a scammer visit an elderly person at his home, pretending to be a friend of his grandchild, and swindle money out of him. Thirteen incidents were filed to the police with the losses totaling about 2.6 million yen for the period of April through October this year.

 

添削

 

In Okinawa Prefecture, there has been a series of new kind of scams going on swindling money out of the elderly.1 where a A scammer visits an elderly person at his home, pretending to be a friend of his grandchild, and swindle money out of him. Thirteen incidents were filed to the police with the losses totaling about 2.6 million yen for the period of April through October this year.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       キーセンテンスを短く文章の始めに置くと読みやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

In Okinawa Prefecture, there has been a series of scams going on swindling money out of the elderly. A scammer visits an elderly person at his home, pretending to be a friend of his grandchild, and swindle money out of him. Thirteen incidents were filed to the police with the losses totaling about 2.6 million yen for the period of April through October this year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(kk, 4 June 08

 

A new kind of cunning fraudulence has become conspicuous recently in Okinawa Prefecture. The swindlers call on the orderly’s residence under pretense of friends of the elderly’s grandchild and cheat the elderly out of their money. During the months from April to October this year, thirteen swindle reports had been filed and the total amount of stolen money was about two million and six hundred thousand yen.

 

添削

 

A new kind of cunning fraudulence is taking place one after another1 has become conspicuous recently in Okinawa Prefecture. The fraudster swindlers calls on the home of older people  elderly’s  residence pretending under pretense of to be a friends of the elderly’s grandchild of the old people and cheats them the elderly out of their money. During the months period from April to October this year, thirteen cases were swindle reportsreported to the police2 had been filed and involving about two million and six hundred thousand yen in the total amount of stolen money was about two million and six hundred thousand yen.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       conspicuousは、誰にもわかるほど明白な、ですから、添削では単にis taking place one after anotherとしました。

 

2.       被害届けなのでwere reported to the policeとするとはっきりするでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new kind of cunning fraud is taking place one after another recently in Okinawa Prefecture. The fraudster calls on the home of old people pretending to be a friend of the grandchild of the old people and cheats them out of their money. During the period from April to October this year, thirteen cases were reported to the police involving about two million and six hundred thousand yen in the total amount of stolen money.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(dunkel, 18 May 08

 

In Okinawa Prefecture, many aged people have been involved by a new type of crime one after another these days. The way is that criminals pretend to be a friend of a grandchild of the victims and urge them to pay money for helping their grandchild. The total stolen money was 2.6 million yen out of 13 cases from this April to October.

 

添削

 

In Okinawa Prefecture, many1 aged people have been involved falling prey to by a new type of crime one after another these days. The way is that criminals2 pretends to be a friend of a grandchild of the victims and urges the victim them to pay money for helping his their grandchild. The total amount of stolen money stolen this way reached was 2.6 million yen involving out of 13 cases from this April to October.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       one after anotherとあるのでmanyは要りません。

 

2.       単数形で例を記述したほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

In Okinawa Prefecture, aged people have been falling prey to a new type of crime one after another these days. The criminal pretends to be a friend of a grandchild of the victim and urges the victim to pay money for helping his grandchild. The total amount of money stolen this way reached 2.6 million yen involving 13 cases from April to October.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(岩ちゃん、23 June 07

 

When a man visited the homes of elderly people, he pretended to be a friend of their grandson to defraud money out of them. Such a new swindle occurred in Okinawa one after another. Thirteen damage reports had been submited between this April and October and a total of  2.60 million yen had been scammed.

 

添削

 

When a A man visited s the homes of elderly people, he pretendeding to be a friend of their grandson, and cheats to defraud money out of them1. Such a new kind of swindle is occurreding2 in Okinawa one after another. Thirteen cases damage were reportsed had been submited between this April and October and a total of 2.60 million yen were3 had been scammed.

 

コメント

 

1.       詐欺の手口の紹介なので現在形がよいでしょう。

 

2.       「相次いでいる」とあるので現在進行形にします。

 

3.       ある過去の時期に起こったことなので、単に過去形でよいです。

 

添削後の文章

 

A man visits elderly people, pretending to be a friend of their grandson, and cheats money out of them. Such a new kind of swindle is occurring in Okinawa one after another. Thirteen cases were reported between this April and October and a total of 2.60 million yen were scammed.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、15 June 07

 

There is increasing such a novel fraud that someone who pretended to be a friend of a grandchild of an old person came to their house and cajoled money from them. In half year from April to October, thirteen counts of a report of the damage was lodged and the total of the damage reached about 2.6 million yen.

 

添削

 

In Okinawa Prefecture, Tthere is an increasing number of such a novel frauds in that a fraudster someone who pretendeds to be a friend of a the grandchild of an old person came to their house and cajoleds the old person into giving him money from them1. In the six months half year from April to October, thirteen cases counts of a were reported to the police of the damage was lodged and the total amount of the damage reached about 2.6 million yen.

 

コメント

 

1.       「孫の友人をよそおい高齢者の自宅を訪れ、金をだまし取る新手の詐欺が沖縄県内で相次いでいる。」を小文に分解してみましょう。「沖縄で新手の詐欺の数が増加している。」「(この詐欺では)詐欺師は老齢者の孫の友人のふりをする。」「この詐欺師は高齢者から金を騙し取る。」In Okinawa, there is an increasing number of novel frauds. In those frauds, a fraudster pretends to be a friend of the grandchild of an old person. The fraudster cajoles the old person into giving him money. この三つの文をつなぐと添削のようになります。関係代名詞がin that (those frauds) ~になることに注意してください。

 

添削後の文章

 

In Okinawa Prefecture, there is an increasing number of novel frauds in that a fraudster  pretends to be a friend of the grandchild of an old person and cajoles the old person into giving him money. In the six months from April to October, thirteen cases were reported to the police and the total amount of damage reached about 2.6 million yen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(KAPPA2006, 1 August 06

 

A new fraud which deprives aged people of money by visiting them pretending“ a grandchild of friend” is occurring one after another in Okinawa. There were 13 reports of loss during the period from April to October this year. They were robbed approximately two million sixty thousand yen in total.

 

添削

 

A new type of1 fraud which deprives cheats aged people of money by visiting them pretending“ a grandchild of friend” is occurring taking place2 one after another in Okinawa. Fraudsters visit aged people pretending that they are friends of the grandchildren of the aged people3. There were 13 reports of loss the fraud during the period from April to October this year. They Old people were robbed approximately two million sixty thousand yen in total.

 

 

コメント

 

1.       他にも詐欺の手口はいろいろあるので、ここでは「新種の詐欺」がよいでしょう。

 

2.       occurは自然に物事がおこる意味があるのでtake placeがよいでしょう。

 

3.       このように内容を二つに分けたほうが表現がやさしくなります。fraudは詐欺なので、ここではfraudster 詐欺師 にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new type of fraud which cheats aged people of money is taking place one after another in Okinawa. Fraudsters visit aged people pretending that they are friends of the grandchildren of the aged people. There were 13 reports of the fraud during the period from April to October this year. Old people were robbed approximately two million sixty thousand yen in total.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、13 October 04

 

In Okinawa Prefecture, there has been a spate of con games in which elderly people are swindled out of money by visitors disguised as "friends of their grandchildren." There were 13 cases reported to the police of such fraud for a total of about \2.6 million in damage between April and October this year.

 

添削

 

In Okinawa Prefecture, there has been a spate of con games1 in which elderly people are swindled out of money1 by visitors disguised as "friends of their grandchildren." There were 13 cases reported to the police of such frauds2 for a total of about \2.6 million in damage between April and October this year.

 

コメント

 

1.       よくこなれた(英文をたくさん読まないとなかなか覚えない)表現ですね。このような表現を思いつかなければ、there has been a serried of frauds in which people disguised as a friend of a grandchild cheated elderly people to get moneyと簡単に表現しても内容はわかります。

 

2.       Fraudは「詐欺」という抽象名詞にも「詐欺事件」という加算名詞にも使えますが、ここでは加算名詞のほうが適切だとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

In Okinawa Prefecture, there has been a spate of con games in which elderly people are swindled out of money by visitors disguised as "friends of their grandchildren." There were 13 cases reported to the police of such frauds for a total of about \2.6 million in damage between April and October this year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Knight, 21 April 04

 

A new type of swindling is increasing in Okinawa Prefecture. A fraudster visits home of the elderly posing as "a friend of their grandchild" and swindle them out of money. Thirteen cases were reported from April to October this year and the damages amounted to some 2.6 million yen in total.

 

添削

 

A new type of swindling is increasing in Okinawa Prefecture. A fraudster visits home of the elderly posing as "a friend of their grandchild" and swindles them out of money1. Thirteen cases were reported from April to October this year and the damages amounted to some 2.6 million yen in total.

 

コメント

 

1.       「孫の友人をよそおい高齢者の自宅を訪れ、金をだまし取る新手の詐欺が沖縄県内で相次いでいる。」の内容を読み解いてわかりやすく英文で表現してあります。A new type of swindling is increasing in Okinawa Prefecture.というキーセンテンスを書いたところがとてもよいと思います。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new type of swindling is increasing in Okinawa Prefecture. A fraudster visits home of the elderly posing as "a friend of their grandchild" and swindles them out of money. Thirteen cases were reported from April to October this year and the damage amounted to some 2.6 million yen in total.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Daiji, 13 Jan 04

 

In Okinawa Prefecture, the number of frauds of cheating money out of seniors is increasing. Cheaters pretend that they were a friend of seniors’ grand children. From April to October this year, the total of ten cases involving 2.6 million dollars have been reported to the police.

 

添削

 

In Okinawa Prefecture, the number of frauds of cheating money out of seniors the number of seniors that have been fraudulently cheated out of money1 is increasing. Cheaters pretend that they were a friend Thieves are posing2 as friends of the seniors’ grand children. From April to October this year, the a total of ten cases involving 2.6 million dollars have been were3 reported to the police.

 

コメント

 

「孫の友人をよそおい高齢者の自宅を訪れ、金をだまし取る新手の詐欺が沖縄県内で相次いでいる。」はごく自然な日本文ですが、内容を英語で表現しようとすると難しいですね。難しさの原因は、日本語の原因―結果の論理構成が「孫の友人をよそおいー>高齢者の自宅を訪れ、金をだまし取るー>新手の詐欺が〜」と原因の説明が長い修飾節になって文の始めに置いてあることにあります。このために英文の主語の選択が難しいですね。まずはDaijiさんのように日本文の内容を分解してみるのがよいでしょう。「高齢者を対象にした詐欺が沖縄県内で増加している。」「詐欺師は高齢者の孫の友人をよそおう。」と分解できます。

 

1.       ここでは高齢者を主語にすると文がわかりやすくなります。一般にモノ、事象より人間を主語にすると内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       Pose as someone 誰々をよそおう、という便利な英語があります。

 

3.       「今年の4月から10月まで」と限定された期間を指すので、動詞は過去形になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

In Okinawa Prefecture, the number of seniors that have been fraudulently cheated out of money is increasing. Thieves are posing as friends of friends of the seniors’ grand children. From April to October this year, a total of ten cases involving 2.6 million dollars were reported to the police.

 

 

初級問題 118

 

1028日に小泉総理大臣は、来年の年金制度改革に関連して「厚生年金の給付水準は50%程度、個人負担も年収の10%が限度」と述べた。

 

読者からの投稿 10(BURU, 1 August 15

 

Prime Minister, Mr. Junichiro Koizumi, told about the reformation plan of the Japanese social patient system of next year on 28th October. He said that the pension will be estimated 50% compared with present benefit and it will cube the personal expense within 10% of annual income.

 

添削

 

Prime Minister, Mr. Junichiro Koizumi, told about a the reformation plan of the Japanese social pension patient system in the of next year on the 28th of October1. He said that the pension would will be estimated about 50% compared with present benefit and the premium would it will cube be the personal expense within 10% of annual income2.

 

コメント

 

概略はわかりますが、詳しいことはわかりません。

 

1.       月日の表現法は幾つかあります。On October 28, on the 28th of October, on 28 October 2015 などです。

 

2.       厚生年金の額は年収の50%程度、厚生年金の払込額(the pension premium)は年収の10%以内、という内容です。

 

添削後の文章

 

Prime Minister, Mr. Junichiro Koizumi, told about a reform plan of the Japanese social pension system in the next year on the 28th of October1. He said that the pension would  be estimated about 50% and the premium would be within 10% of annual income.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Valley winds, 15 January 13

 

Prime Minister Koizumi said about next year’s pension plan reformation on October 28, “The limit of providing level from the welfare pension would be about 50 percent. The limit of personal payment would be 10 percent of annual income.

 

添削

 

Prime Minister Koizumi said about next year’s pension plan reformation reform on October 28, “The limit of providing level of from the welfare pension will would be about 50 percent and. The limit of the level of personal premium payment into the welfare pension will would be 10 percent of the pensioner’s annual income.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、「年収の」が給付水準および個人負担の両者に関わっていることをはっきりさせるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Prime Minister Koizumi said about next year’s pension plan reform on October 28, “The  level of the welfare pension will be about 50 percent and the level of personal premium payment into the welfare pension will be 10 percent of the pensioner’s annual income.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 22 November 09

 

On the Employee’s pension reform planned in next year, the Prime Minister Koizumi said on October 12 that the highest level of the pension an employee would be able to receive would be around 50% of his income before retirement and the pension premium he should pay could be 10% of his annual salary at a maximum.

 

添削

 

On the Employee’s pPension Plan reform planned in next year, the Prime Minister Koizumi said on October 12 that the highest level of the pension an employee would be able to receive would be around 50% of his income before his retirement and the pension premium he should pay could would1 be 10% of his annual salary at a maximum.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       ここでは特にwouldcouldの内容の差別化は無いとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

On the Employee’s Pension Plan reform next year, Prime Minister Koizumi said on October 12 that the highest level of the pension an employee would be able to receive would be around 50% of his income before his retirement and the pension premium he should pay would be 10% of his annual salary at a maximum.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 5 June 08

 

On October 28, Prime Minister Koizumi stated in relation to the coming reforms of the pension plan that payment for one's social security pension would be up to 50 % of one's ex-annual-income and one's expense for the pension would be up to 10 % of one's annual income.

 

添削

 

On October 28, Prime Minister Koizumi stated in relation to the coming reforms of the Employees’ s pPension pPlan that the maximum amount of payment for one's social security pension would be up to 50 % of one's former ex-annual-income and the maximum amount of pension premium paid by an employee would be one's expense for the pension would be up to 10 % of one's his annual income.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、わからないところがあります。この日本文は厚生年金についてですから、これをはっきりと記述する必要があります。a pension年金の支給額、a pension premium年金の掛け金、を使うとはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 28, Prime Minister Koizumi stated in relation to the coming reforms of the Employees’ s Pension Plan that the maximum amount of pension would be 50 % of one's former annual-income and the maximum amount of pension premium paid by an employee would be 10 % of his annual income.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 20 May 08

 

On October 28, Prime Minister Koizumi said about the reformation of the pension system next year that the limit of payment level would be up to 50 percent and the limit of personal expense would be up to 10 percent of the annual income.

 

添削

 

On October 28, Prime Minister Koizumi said, regarding the Employees’ Pension Plan reform next year, about the reformation of the pension system next year that the limit maximum level of pension payment level would be set at up to 50 percent and the maximum level of premium payment at limit of personal expense would be up to 10 percent of the an employee’s annual income.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、the limit of personal expenseが一般的過ぎてわかりません。a premium保険料を使うとよいでしょう。

 

1.       said about A that BとなっていてABの関係がわかりにくいです。添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 28, Prime Minister Koizumi said, regarding the Employees’ Pension Plan reform next year, that the maximum level of pension payment would be set at 50 percent and the maximum level of premium payment at 10 percent of an employee’s annual income.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、24 June 07

 

With reference to next year's pension reform, Prime Minister Koizumi said on October 28 that benefits people can accept should be placed at 50 % of pension at the most and premiums people must pay should be placed at 10% of annual incomes at the most.

 

添削

 

With reference to next year's pension reform, Prime Minister Koizumi said on October 28 that benefits pensions people can would receive accept should be placed about at 50 % of pensioners annual income when they were working1 at the most and premiums people must pay should be placed at about 10% of their annual incomes at the most.

 

コメント

 

1.       「厚生年金の給付水準は50%程度」では何の50%程度が書いてありませんが、厚生年金の性質から、働いていたときの収入の50%程度、ということだとおもいますから、添削のように説明を加えるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

With reference to next year's pension reform, Prime Minister Koizumi said on October 28 that pensions people would receive should be about 50 % of pensioners’ annual income when they were working and premiums people must pay should be about 10% of their annual income at most.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、15 June 07

 

On October 28th, the Prime minister, Junichiro Koizumi, gave a comment to the pension reform next year. In this comment, he said that in the case of the employee pension the upper limit was 50 percent of pension benefit levels and that in a personal expense the upper limit was 10 percent of his annual income.

 

添削

 

On October 28th, the Prime mMinister, Junichiro Koizumi, gave a comment to on the pension reform to be implemented1 next year. In this his comment, he said that in the case of the upper limit of pension from the employee pension plan the upper limit was would be 50 percent of an employee’s income pension benefit levels and that his contribution to the employee’s pension plan would be in a personal expense the upper limit was 10 percent of his annual income at maximum2.

 

1.       a comment on the pension reform next yearだけだとthe pension reformnext yearの関係がはっきりしないので添削のようにしました。

 

2.       年金制度は複雑ですが、次のように解釈しました。厚生年金からの年金の給付水準は被雇用者が働いていたときの収入の50%が限界、そしてこの人の厚生年金への払い込み額の限界は勤労所得の10%が限界。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 28th, Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi gave a comment on the pension reform to be implemented next year. In his comment, he said that the upper limit of pension from the employee’ pension plan would be 50 percent of an employee’s income and that his contribution to the employee’s pension plan would be 10 percent of his annual income at maximum.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kappa2006, 12 August 06

 

On October 28, in regards to the next year's reform of pention system ,the Prime Minister Mr. Koizumi talked that the social security pension will be limited to approximately 50% paymet level and 10% of the annual income for personal burden.

 

添削

 

On October 28, in regards to the next year's reform of pention pension system ,the Prime Minister Mr. Koizumi1 talked that the amount of social security pension will would be limited to approximately 50% of after-tax income paymet level and the amount of premium to the maximum of10% of the annual income for personal burden2.

 

コメント

 

1.       Prime Minister Koizumiと通常書きます。小泉首相の名前が英語圏であまり知られていないならば、Mr. Junichiro Koizumi, Prime Minister of Japanと説明しますが。姓名の名のほうのアルファベット表現がJunichiroとなっていることに注意してください。

 

2.       日本文の問題が舌足らずで給付水準、個人負担の説明がないですが、調べてみると添削のようになっています。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 28, in regards to the next year's reform of pension system, Prime Minister  Koizumi talked that the amount of social security pension would be limited to approximately 50% of after-tax income and the amount of premium to the maximum of10% of annual income.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、13 October 04

 

On October 28, Prime Minister Koizumi stated in relation to the pension reform of next year that "the payment of the Employees' Pension System should be more or less 50% of the premiums paid and the burden of each individual should be not more than 10% of their annual income."

 

添削

 

Speaking of the pension reform of the next year, On October 28, Prime Minister Koizumi stated on October 281  in relation to the pension reform of next year that "2the a typical amount of payment of by the Employees' Pension System should be more or less 50% of the premiums average amount of after-tax income of working people3 paid and the amount of premium paid by an employee3 burden of each individual should not be not more than exceed 10% of their his annual income."

 

コメント

 

1.       語句の順序を入れ替えて読みやすくしました。

 

2.       Prime Minister Koizumi stated that ~と間接引用なので引用譜は要りません。

 

3.       関係閣僚でも理解しがたいという年金制度を短く説明することは不可能ですが、「厚労省の試算によると現役世代の手取り賃金に占める65歳時点のモデル年金の割合は、現在の59%から50%まで下がると予想されている。」そうなので添削のようにしました。また厚生年金の雇用者と被雇用者の折半なので添削のように説明しました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Speaking of the pension reform of the next year, Prime Minister Koizumi stated on October 281  that a typical amount of payment by the Employees' Pension System should be more or less 50% of the average amount of after-tax income of working people and the amount of premium paid by an employee should not exceed 10% of his annual income.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Goya, 13 Jan 04

 

On October 28, Prime Minister Koizumi said, in relation to the pension reform scheduled for the coming year, that the amount of pension will be 50 percent of a pensioner’s annual income at most and the premium will be 10 percent of the annual income at maximum.

 

添削

 

On October 28, Prime Minister Koizumi said, in relation to regarding the pension reform scheduled for the coming year, that the amount of “Employeespensions1 will be about 50 percent of a pensioner’s annual income at most and the premium paid by an employee (the employer pays the equal amount) 2 will be 10 percent of the annual income at maximum.

 

コメント

 

1.       「厚生年金の給付水準」はemployees’ pensionsとするとはっきりします。

 

2.       「個人負担」は厚生年金の被雇用者負担額なので添削のようにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 28, Prime Minister Koizumi said, regarding the pension reform scheduled for the coming year, “Employees’ pensions will be about 50 percent of a pensioner’s annual income at most and the premium paid by a member of the pension fund will be 10 percent of the annual income at maximum.”

 

 

初級問題 119

 

10月28日、岡山市のアパートの一室から、ペットとして飼育中のサソリが逃げ出し、入居する12世帯がホテルなどに一時避難した。

 

読者からの投稿 11(BURU, 1 August 15

 

A housing scorpion as a pet ran away from one of rooms in an apartment in Okayama city on 28th October. 12 families staying at the apartment temporarily have evacuated to a hotel. 

 

添削

 

A housing scorpion kept as a pet ran away from one of the rooms in an apartment in Okayama cCity on the 28th of October. Twelve1 12 families living staying at in the apartment temporarily have evacuated to a hotel. 

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       文章の初めに数字が来ると見栄えが悪いのでこのように表記します。

 

添削後の文章

 

A scorpion kept as a pet ran away from one of the rooms in an apartment in Okayama City on the 28th of October. Twelve families living in the apartment temporarily evacuated to a hotel. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 21 January 13

 

A scorpion rearing as a pet escaped from a room of a apartment in Okayama City on October 28 and twelve families in this apartment fled to hotels for a while.

 

添削

 

A pet scorpion rearing as a pet escaped from a room of an apartment1 in Okayama City on October 28 and twelve families in this building apartment fled to hotels for a while.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       an apartmentは日本語のアパート(建物全体)ではなく、その中の一組の部屋にいみになります。英語で建物全体を指すときは an apartment buildingとします。

 

添削後の文章

 

A pet scorpion escaped from an apartment in Okayama City on October 28 and twelve families in this building fled to hotels for a while.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(mxtomi, 22 November 09

 

A scorpion that had been kept as a pet got away from an apartment house in Okayama City, forcing the other 12 households in the apartment building to temporarily evacuate to hotels nearby and elsewhere.

 

添削

 

A scorpion that had been kept as a pet got away from an apartment house in Okayama City, forcing the other 12 households in the apartment building to temporarily evacuate to nearby hotels nearby and elsewhere.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A scorpion that had been kept as a pet got away from an apartment house in Okayama City, forcing other 12 households in the apartment building to temporarily evacuate to nearby hotels  and elsewhere.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(kk, 6 June 08

 

On October 28, a pet scorpion escaped from an apartment room in Okayama City and twelve households in this apartment building were temporarily evacuated to some hotel or other.

 

添削

 

On October 28, a pet scorpion escaped from an apartment room in Okayama City and twelve households in this apartment building were temporarily evacuated to some nearby hotels and or other places1.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       otherは形容詞ですから名詞が必要です。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 28, a pet scorpion escaped from an apartment room in Okayama City and twelve households in this apartment building were temporarily evacuated to nearby hotels and other places.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 20 May 08

 

On October 28, scorpions which were bred as a pet fled a room of an apartment in Okayama City. Twelve households living in the same apartment building evacuate temporarily to the hotel or other safe places until the scorpions were exterminated.

 

添削

 

On October 28, scorpions which were kept bred as a pets fled from a room of an apartment in Okayama City. Twelve households living in the same apartment building were evacuated temporarily to the hotels or other safe places until the scorpions were exterminated.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。複数のサソリですから大騒ぎになりますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 28, scorpions which were kept as pets fled from a room of an apartment in Okayama City. Twelve households living in the same apartment building were evacuated temporarily to hotels or other safe places until the scorpions were exterminated.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、24 June 07

 

On October 28, a scorpion which was being kept as a pet escaped from a room of an apartment in Okayama City. Twelve households who live in the apartment temporarily took refuge to a hotel and the like.

 

添削

 

On October 28, a scorpion which was being kept as a pet escaped from a room of an apartment building1 in Okayama City. Twelve households who lived in the apartment building temporarily took refuge to a hotel and the like.

 

1.       1家族が生活する空間がan apartmentで、幾つかのapartmentsが入っているのがan apartment buildingというややこしいことになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 28, a scorpion which was kept as a pet escaped from a room of an apartment building in Okayama City. Twelve households who lived in the apartment building temporarily took refuge to a hotel and the like.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、16 June 07

 

On October, 28th, a scorpion kept as a pet deserted from a room of an apartment in Okayama City. The 12 households in the apartment temporarily evacuated to hotels and so on.

 

添削

 

On October, 28th, a scorpion kept as a pet deserted escaped from a room of an apartment1 in Okayama City. Twelve The 12 households in the apartment same building temporarily evacuated their apartments to hotels and so on.

 

コメント

 

1.       an apartmentは大きな建物の中の一家の住む住居になります。an apartmentが幾つかある建物はan apartment buildingです。「メゾン朝日が丘」の中に幾つもアパートメントがあり、それぞれに一家が住んでいる、ということになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October, 28th, a scorpion kept as a pet escaped from an apartment in Okayama City. Twelve households in the same building temporarily evacuated their apartments to hotels and so on.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Kappa2006, 12 August 06

 

On October 28, scorpions bred as pet ran away from a room of the apartment in Okayama City. 12 residents of the apparment evacuated to hotels or inns neaby.

 

添削

 

On October 28, scorpions bred kept1 as a pet ran away from a room of the apartment in Okayama City. 12 Twelve2 residents families of the apartment evacuated to hotels or inns neaby nearby.

 

コメント

 

1.       bredとすると繁殖させている、という意味になります。日本文からでは単にペットとして飼っているのか、繁殖までしているのかわかりませんが、ここでは飼っているだけにしました。一匹逃げ出したか、数匹逃げ出したかわかりませんが、アパート中の人が逃げ出したとなると、数匹いたのでしょうかね。

 

2.       文章の中に数が数回しか出てこないときは12としないでtwelveと単語で書くと文章の形がよくなります(という感覚が英語圏の人にあります)。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 28, scorpions kept as a pet ran away from a room of the apartment in Okayama City. Twelve families of the apartment evacuated to hotels or inns nearby.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、15 October 04

A scorpion which was kept as a pet sneaked out of a room at an apartment in Okayama City on October 28. Twelve families living in the apartment temporarily evacuated to hotels and other places.

 

添削

 

A scorpion which was kept as a pet sneaked out of a room at an apartment in Okayama City on October 28. Twelve families living in the apartment temporarily evacuated1 to hotels and other places.

 

コメント

 

1.       私が英語を学習した頃はTwelve families evacuated temporarily to hotels and other places.と副詞は動詞の後に置く、と習いましたが、現在では投稿のように短い副詞は動詞の前に置くことが多いようです。日本語の語順と同じですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 2(Knight, 21 April 04

 

On October 28, a scorpion being kept as a pet escaped from a room of an apartment complex in Okayama City, before twelve households in the complex were temporarily evacuated to a hotel and elsewhere.

 

添削

 

On October 28, a scorpion being kept as a pet escaped from a room of an the apartment complex in Okayama City., before and1  twelve households in the complex were temporarily evacuated to a hotel and elsewhere.

 

コメント

 

1.       時間的経緯はbeforeですが、ここではandのほうが因果関係ははっきりすると思います。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 28, a scorpion being kept as a pet escaped from a room of the apartment complex in Okayama City, and twelve households in the complex were temporarily evacuated to a hotel and elsewhere.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Chan, 13 Jan 04

 

On October 28, a pet scorpion escaped from a suite in the apartment building in Okayama City. Twelve households in the same apartment fled the apartment for safety and took shelter in a hotel.

 

添削

 

On October 28, a pet scorpion1 escaped from a suite in the an apartment building in Okayama City. Twelve households in the same apartment2 fled the their apartments3 for safety, and took taking shelter in a hotel.

 

コメント

 

1.       「ペットとして飼育中のサソリ」はChanさんの投稿のようにa pet scorpionと簡単に表現できます。

 

2.       the apartment buildingの意味なので単数になります。

 

3.       アパート(ビル)のそれぞれの住居はapartmentなのでここでは12の住居を指しますからapartmentsと複数になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 28, a pet scorpion escaped from a suite in an apartment building in Okayama City. Twelve households in the same apartment fled their apartments for safety, taking shelter in a hotel.

 

 

初級問題 120

 

雪男の姿を求めて今夏、ネパールに向かった捜索隊がこのほど帰国し、自動カメラで撮影したデジタルカメラの映像258コマ、フィルム44本分の点検を終えた。しかし、雪男は写っていなかった。

 

読者からの投稿 11(BURU, 3 January 16

 

The search party of Snowman set out Nepal this summer came back to Japan. They just finished checking 258 nos. of photos and 44 nos. of video films. But they could not find any figure of Snowman.

 

添削

 

The search party of Snowman that had gone to set out Nepal this summer came back to Japan. They just finished checking 258 nos. of photos in the and 44 nos. roles of of video films1. But they could not find any figure of Snowman.

 

コメント

 

文章の内容はすべてわかります。

 

1.       ここの日本文の表現が曖昧ですが、わたしは自動カメラが複数あり、フィルム写真機のフィルム44本分に当る数を撮影して、その中で何かが写っている258コマの写真を調べた、と解釈しました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The search party of Snowman that had gone to Nepal this summer came back to Japan. They just finished checking 258 photos in the 44 roles of films. But they could not find any figure of Snowman.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 21 January 13

 

A search party for abominable snowman came back the other day from Nepal. This party had been there this summer. They finished checking 258 frames and 44 films of their automatic digital cameras and couldn’t take anything of abominable snowman.

 

添削

 

A search party for the abominable snowman came back home the other day from Nepal. This party had been there this summer. They finished checking 258 frames of and the 44 films of their automatic digital cameras and couldn’t find any picture take anything of abominable snowman on these films.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかりますが、写真の数が日本文と違います。

 

1.       「デジタルカメラの映像258コマ、フィルム44本分」は「44本のフィルムに写っている258コマの映像」という意味だとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

A search party for the abominable snowman came back home the other day from Nepal. This party had been there this summer. They finished checking 258 frames of the 44 films of their automatic digital cameras and couldn’t find any picture of abominable snowman on these films.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(OKEN, 22 June 12

 

In order to capture images of yetis, the search party went into Nepal this summer, and obtained digital camera’s pictures consisting of 258 frames or 44 films, which were taken by automatic cameras installed in the various area. The party has returned to Japan and completed analysis of the pictures, but there was no yeti in them.

 

添削

 

In order to capture images of yetis, the a Japanese1 search party went into Nepal this summer,2 and came back with obtained digital camera’s pictures consisting of 258 frames or 44 films, which were taken by automatic cameras installed in the various areas. The party has returned to Japan and completed analysis of the pictures, but there was no yeti on in them.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       文章の最初のほうにこの情報をいれると主語の性質がわかってよいでしょう。

 

2.       コンマはゆっくりと一息入れる感じになります。20年前ぐらいまでは、このようなコンマの使い方も多かったのですが、現在ではあまりコンマを使いません。生活のテンポが速くなっているのでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

In order to capture images of yetis, a Japanese search party went to Nepal this summer and came back with digital  pictures consisting of 258 frames or 44 films, which were taken by automatic cameras installed in the various areas. The party has completed analysis of the pictures but there was no yeti on them.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 22 November 09

 

A search party who had gone to Nepal for the yeti this summer returned home recently. They completed a detail check of the images they had taken by automatic digital cameras only to learn that the yeti did not show up in any of those 258 frame of images or 44 spools of film.

 

添削

 

A search party who had gone to Nepal looking for a the yeti this summer returned home recently. They have completed a detailed check of the images they had taken by automatic digital cameras only to learn that the yeti did not show up in any of those 258 frames of images in the or 44 spools of film.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A search party who had gone to Nepal looking for a yeti this summer returned home recently. They have completed a detailed check of the images they had taken by automatic digital cameras only to learn that the yeti did not show up in any of those 258 frames of images in the 44 spools of film.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 7 June 08

 

A searching party after a yeti in Nepal from this summer came home recently and finished examining 258 shots taken by an automatic digital camera, which was equivalent to 44 films. But there was no figure of yeti on the pictures.

 

添削

 

An expedition who had gone to Nepal this summer searching party after for a yeti in Nepal from this summer came home recently and finished examining 258 shots taken by an automatic digital camera, which was equivalent to 44 rolls of films. But there was no figure of yeti on the pictures.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、A searching party after a yeti in Nepal from this summerという主語がよくわかりません。添削のようにこの捜索隊のことを説明するとよいでしょう。

 

コメント

 

An expedition who had gone to Nepal this summer searching for a yeti came home recently and finished examining 258 shots taken by an automatic digital camera, which was equivalent to 44 rolls of film. But there was no figure of yeti on the pictures.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 22 May 08

 

A search party which had tried to find yetis, abominable snowmen, in Nepal this summer came back to Japan lately. They finished to check 258 pictures taken by auto digital cameras and 44 films taken by auto film cameras. But they could not find any figures of yetis.

 

添削

 

A search party which had tried to find the yetis, abominable snowmen, in Nepal this summer came back to Japan lately. They finished to checking 258 pictures in the 44 roles of film taken by automatic digital cameras and 44 films taken by auto film cameras. Bbut they could not find any figures of the yetis.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、「デジタルカメラの映像258コマ、フィルム44本分」の解釈がわかりません。これは「実際の映像は258で、これは普通のフィルム44本分にあたる」ということでなないかとおもいます。すこし少ない気がしますが。デジタルカメラはフィルムではなく、電子記憶媒体を使うので、この記憶媒体の数が44だとすると、デジタルカメラ44基を使ったことになります。添削では258 pictures in the 44 roles of filmとしましたが、確かでありません。単に258 picturesとしたほうが正確でしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A search party which had tried to find the yetis, abominable snowmen, in Nepal this summer came back to Japan lately. They finished checking 258 pictures in the 44 roles of film taken by automatic digital cameras but could not find any figure of the yetis.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、24 June 07

 

A searching party went to Nepal to find snow men this summer. The party recently came back to Japan and had checked 258 images in a digital camera and 44 films. But, a snow man did not appear in any images and films.

 

添削

 

An expedition team1 searching party went to Nepal to find a snow maen this summer. The team party recently came back to Japan and had checked 258 images in the 44 rolls2 of film of in a their digital cameras and 44 films. But, a snow man did not appear in any images of these rolls of and films.

 

1.       a search partyというと「遭難した人、あるとわかっているものを探す捜索隊」という意味ですが、雪男はまだそれほど確かな存在ではないので、an expedition team探検隊のほうがよいとおもいます。

 

2.       デジカメのメモリーはrollではなくメモリー板ですね。smart media, memory stickなど種類により個別の名称はありますが、このようなもん全体を指す名称は「デジカメのメモリーカード」しかありませんね。日本文に「フィルム44本分」とあるので添削のようにしましたが、44 pieces of digital memory cardsというのが正確でしょうね。

 

添削後の文章

 

An expedition team went to Nepal to find a snow man this summer. The team recently came back to Japan and checked 258 images in the 44 rolls of film of their digital cameras. But a snow man did not appear in any image of these rolls of film.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、16 June 07

 

A search party which had gone to Nepal this summer so as to take a photo of a yeti came home and checked all the 258 frames taken automatically with their digital cameras, the amounts of which were proper for 44 feels of film. Unfortunately, the figure of a yeti was not found in them.

 

添削

 

An expedition search party which had gone to Nepal this summer so as to take a photo of a yeti came home and checked all the 258 frames of photos from the forty-four rolls of film1 taken automatically with by their digital cameras. , the amounts of which were proper for 44 feels of film. Unfortunately, the figure of a yeti was not found in any one of 2them.

 

コメント

 

1.       ここでフレームとロールをまとめておくとよいでしょう。

 

2.       こうすると意味が強調できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

An expedition party which had gone to Nepal this summer to take a photo of a yeti came home and checked all 258 frames of photos from the forty-four rolls of film taken automatically by their digital cameras. Unfortunately, the figure of a yeti was not found in any one of them.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kappa2006, 12 August 06

 

A search party who had been to Nepal to look for a snowman last summer have returned home. They checked 258 photos of 44 films taken with automatic digital camera. But, no snowman was in any of these pictures.

 

添削

 

A The search party who had been to Nepal to look for a snowman last summer have returned1 home. They checked 258 photos of the 44 cards of films taken with by an automatically operated2 digital camera. Bbut, no snowman was in any of these pictures3.

 

コメント

 

1.       ここは特に帰ってきたことを強調する必要がないので過去形でよいでしょう。The expedition team has finally returned home.とすると「探検隊は(随分と苦労したようだが)やっと帰って来た。」という雰囲気になります。

 

2.       この自動カメラは自動シャッター自動絞りのことでなくて、山中に設置しておくとある時間に自動的に写真を撮るカメラだとおもいます。従来のカメラですと、フィルムをone roll, two rollsと数えましたが、デジカメのメモリーはどういう単位で数えるのでしょうか?一応cardにしておきました。

 

3.       no snowmanを主語にして文を簡単に表現できましたね。前の文と内容が密接に関係しているので ~ but ~とコンマを入れないで続けるのがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The search party who had been to Nepal to look for a snowman last summer returned home. They checked 258 photos of the 44 cards of film taken by an automatically operated digital camera but no snowman was in any of these pictures.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、15 October 04

 

A search party who went to Nepal in order to catch a glimpse of an yeti this summer has returned home and finished checking 258 exposures of pictures taken by an automatic digital camera and 44 rolls of films. However, there was no image of an yeti shot in any of them.

 

添削

 

A search party who went to Nepal this summer in order to catch a glimpse of an yeti this summer has returned come1 home and finished checking 258 exposures of pictures taken by an automatic digital camera and on 44 rolls of films. However, there was no image of an yeti shot in any one of them2.

 

コメント

 

1.       A search party has returned home.というと(日本以外のどこか他の場所に)帰った、という感じもします。この記事は日本の捜索隊のことなので(日本文のどこにも書いてありませんが)A search party has come home.とすると(現在、この記事を書いている人のすんでいる場所一般に)帰った、という意味がはっきりします。

 

2.       「雪男は写っていなかった。」をThere was no image of an yeti shot in any of them. any one of themを加えて強調したのがよいですね。

 

北米にも「雪男」がいるそうです。カナダでは太平洋に面したブリティッシュ・コロンビア州の雪山で見かけた、または足跡を見たという話が時々出ます。「雪男」は一般的にはan abominable snowmanと表現しますが、カナダではa big footとも言います。

 

添削後の文章

 

A search party who went to Nepal this summer in order to catch a glimpse of an yeti has come home and finished checking 258 exposures of pictures taken by an automatic digital camera on 44 rolls of films. However, there was no image of an yeti shot in any one of them.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1 (Knight, 31 March 04)

 

A search party who headed for Nepal looking for the figure of an abominable snowman this summer returned home recently. They finished checking out the 258 digital video footages, or 44 rolls of film shot by an automatic camera. However, the snowman was not caught on the films.

 

添削

 

A The search party who headed for Nepal looking for the figure of an abominable snowman this summer returned home recently1. They finished checking out the 258 degital digital video footages pictures2, or 44 rolls of film shot by an automatic camera. However, but3 the snowman was not caught captured in any of on the films.

 

コメント

 

1.       Knightさんの英文はとてもスムースに読めるように書いてあります。理由は英文の基本構造がThe search party returned home. They finished checking pictures. The snowman was not captured in the films.のようにシンプルになっているからです。このような英文の基本形を守って、構文に凝らないことがプレイン・イングリッシュの秘訣の一つです。

 

2.       多分、ビデオを258本写したのではなく、電子写真を258枚写したのではないでしょうか。

 

3.       ここは文を切らないでbutで続けたほうが因果関係がはっきりします。

 

 添削後の文章

 

The search party who headed for Nepal looking for an abominable snowman this summer returned home recently. They finished checking out the 258 digital pictures or 44 rolls of film shot by an automatic camera but the snowman was not captured in any of the films.