トップページに戻る

 

初級練習問題の添削 101−110

 

練習問題 101(22 Oct 03) (2 Apr 04) (16 Sept 04) (27 June 06) (5 June 07) (18 June 07)

                (24 Apr 08) (19 May 08) (11 Nov 09) (10 Dec 12) (8 Sept 16)

 

練習問題 102(25 Oct 03) (2 Apr 04) (16 Sept 04) (27 June 06) (5 June 07) (18 June 07)

                (24 Apr 08) (20 May 08) (11 Nov 09) (7 July 11) (12 Dec 12)

 

練習問題 103(22 Oct 03) (22 Sept 04) (27 June 06) (6 June 07) (18 June 07)

(27 Apr 08) (21 May 08) (11 Nov 09) (24 July 11) (12 Dec 12) (28 Oct 16)

 

練習問題 104(25 Oct 03) (22 Sept 04) (27 June 06) (6 June 07) (18 June 07)

(29 Apr 08) (22 May 08) (11 Nov 09) (27 July 11) (16 Dec 12) (13 Dec 16)

 

練習問題 105(1 Nov 03) (23 Sept 04) (27 June 06) (7 June 07) (18 June 07)

(19 July 07) (29 Apr 08) (23 May 08) (11 Nov 09) (27 July 11) (16 Dec 12)

(24 Aug 16)

 

練習問題 106(5 Nov 03) (23 Sept 04) (30 June 06) (9 June 07) (19 June 07)

(20 July 07) (30 Apr 08) (24 May 08) (14 Nov 09) (31 July 11) (18 Dec 12)

(26 Aug 16)

練習問題 107(13 Nov 03) (8 July 04) (25 Sept 04) (30 June 06) (8 June 07)

(19 June 07) (1 May 08) (25 May 08) (14 Nov 09) (21 June 12)

(18 Dec 12)

 

練習問題 108(24 Nov 03) (25 Sept 04) (30 June 06) (8 June 07) (19June 07) (2 May 08)

                (26 May 08) (14 November 09) (3 Aug 11) (18 Dec 12)

 

練習問題 109(24 Nov 03) (29 Sept 04) (10 Jan 06) (30 June 06) (9 June 07)

(19June 07) (2 May 08) (27 May 08) (14 November 09) (3 Aug 11)

(23 Dec 12) (30 Apr 16)

 

練習問題 110(5 Dec 03) (29 Sept 04) (30 June 06) (9 June 07) (19 June 07) (7 May 08)

                (28 May 08) (14 November 09) (23 Dec 12) (27 Dec 15) (28 Aug 16)

 

 

練習問題 101

 

九月の十勝沖地震で津波警報が発令された自治体のうち、三割を超す七市町が避難勧告を出さなかった。

 

読者からの投稿 12(文月、8 September 16

 

Seven municipalities did not issue an evacuation recommendation, which were more than thirty percent of the municipalities that had received a tsunami warning from the Meteorological Agency of Japan after the Tokachi-oki earthquake in September.

 

添削

 

Seven municipalities did not issue an evacuation recommendation, which were more than thirty percent of the municipalities that had received a tsunami warning from the Meteorological Agency of Japan when the Tokachi-oki eEarthquake took place in September.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかりますが、次のように文の構成を変えると津波の避難勧告という命題がよりはっきりします。

 

When the Tokachi Earthquake took place in September, the Metrological Agency of Japan issued a tsunami warning to the municipalities in the region. But seven of them, more than thirty percent of all the municipalities, did not issue an evacuation recommendation to their residents.

 

添削後の文章

 

Seven municipalities did not issue an evacuation recommendation, which were more than thirty percent of the municipalities that had received a tsunami warning from the Meteorological Agency of Japan when the Tokachi-oki Earthquake took place in September.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(Valley winds, 10 December 12

 

Total seven cities and towns didn’t announce recommendations for evacuation. These autonomies were 30 percent of autonomies giving alarms for tsunami when the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake broke out on September.

 

添削

 

A Ttotal of seven cities and towns didn’t issue announce recommendations for an evacuation recommendation to their residents . These autonomies were 30 percent of autonomies giving alarms for tsunami when the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake broke out in on September and a tsunami alert was issued. These municipalities accounted for 30 percent of the municipalities which were given the tsunami alert.

 

コメント

 

内容のほぼすべてがわかりますが、添削のように何のための避難勧告だったのかを最初の文で明らかにするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A total of seven cities and towns didn’t issue an evacuation recommendation to their residents when the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake broke out in September and a tsunami alert was issued. These municipalities accounted for 30 percent of the municipalities which were given the tsunami alert.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Tatsuo, 6 July 11

 

The tunami warning announced during the earthquake around Tokachi last September. But 7 municipalities, which the figures are over thirty percentages of all, didn’t issue an evacuation order.

 

添削

 

The A tsunami warning was announced during the earthquake around Tokachi last September. But 7 seven1 municipalities, which was the figures are over thirty percentages of all municipalities, didn’t issue an evacuation order to their residents.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       小さな数字の時はアルファベットで表記した方が、見た目がきれいです。

 

添削後の文章

 

A tsunami warning was announced during the earthquake around Tokachi last September. But seven municipalities, which was over thirty percent of all municipalities, didn’t issue an evacuation order to their residents.

 

 

読者から投稿 9(mxtomi, 11 November 09

 

Out of the municipalities those received a tsunami warning when the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake occurred in September, seven cities and towns, or more than 30% of them, did not issue an evacuation order to their residents.

 

添削

 

Out of the municipalities those who received a tsunami warning when the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake occurred in September, seven cities and towns, or more than 30% of them the municipalities, did not issue an evacuation order to their residents.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。内容の順序は読者からの投稿8のようにしたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Out of the municipalities who received a tsunami warning when the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake occurred in September, seven cities and towns, or more than 30% of the municipalities, did not issue an evacuation order to their residents.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(19 May 08

 

A tsunami warning was issued to several municipalities at the time of the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake in September. In fact, seven manipulates, over thirty percent of them, did not issue an evacuation order to their residents.

 

添削

 

A tsunami warning was issued to several municipalities when at the time of the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake happened in September. However, In fact, seven manipulates, over thirty percent of them, did not issue an evacuation order to their residents.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A tsunami warning was issued to several municipalities when the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake happened in September. However, seven manipulates, over thirty percent of them, did not issue an evacuation order to their residents.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 24 April 08

 

The Meteorological Agency issued tsunami warnings along the coastal region when the Tokachioki Earthquake had happened on this September. But 7 municipal governments which made up more than 30 percent of the total issued governments didn't decide to issue an evacuation order to their residents.

 

添削

 

The Meteorological Agency issued tsunami warnings to the towns and cities along the coastal region when the Tokachioki Offshore1 Earthquake had happened on this last September2. But 7 3seven municipal governments which made up more than 30 percent of those towns and cities the total issued governments didn't decide to4 issue an evacuation order to their residents.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       海中地震ということを英文ではっきりわかるようにすると、津波との関連がはっきりします。

 

2.       last Septemberはこの記事が書かれた段階で一番近い過去の九月になります。もし、記事が11月に書かれたのならば、今年の九月、もし6月に書かれたのならば、去年の9月になります。

 

3.       短い数字はアルファベットで書くほうが文にしっくり馴染みます(というのがわかりや英文はすこし形式的なほうがよいという私の考えです)。

 

4.       いろいろな理由で避難勧告をださなかったのでしょう(町で正式に出さないことを決めた、誰も住民に避難勧告を出すことを思いつかなかった、など)。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Meteorological Agency issued tsunami warnings to the towns and cities along the coastal region when the Tokachioki Offshore Earthquake happened last September. But seven municipal governments which made up more than 30 percent of those towns and cities didn't issue an evacuation order to their residents.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、18 June 07

 

A tsunami warning was announced to self-governing bodies when the Tokachi Off-shore Earthquake occurred in September. But, seven of cities and towns over 30 % of them did not issue any evacuation orders to their residents.

 

添削

 

A tsunami warning was announced to self-governing bodies local governments1 when the Tokachi Off-shore Earthquake occurred in September. But, seven of cities and towns, over 30 % of them the local governments, did not issue any evacuation orders to their residents.

 

コメント

 

1.       自治体はa self-governing bodyですが、この文章の内容では市町村のことですね。central government, local governmentという対比があり、central governmentが日本政府ならlocal governmentは都道府県になり、central governmentが北海道庁なら、local governmentは市町村になります。 添削では大まかにlocal governmentsとしましたが、municipal governmentsまたはmunicipalitiesと表現したほうが正確でしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A tsunami warning was announced to local governments when the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake occurred in September. But seven cities and towns, over 30 % of the local governments, did not issue any evacuation orders to their residents.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、5 June 07

 

Although seven local government, which were more than thirty percent of local government, had received a tsunami warning, they did not order evacuation instructions.

 

添削

 

Although seven local governments, which were more than thirty percent of local government, had received a tsunami warning when the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake happened in September1, they seven cities and towns, over 30 percent of those local governments, did not order issue an evacuation order to their residents instructions.

 

コメント

 

1.       先ず自治体に津波警報が発令された(英文では自治体が津波警報を受けた)を述べてから、このうちの七市町が避難勧告を出さなかった、とすると内容がよくわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Although local governments had received a tsunami warning when the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake happened in September, seven cities and towns, over 30 percent of those local governments, did not issue an evacuation order to their residents .

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(KAPPA2006, 27 June 06

 

Among the governmental organizations to which Tsumami alarm was delivered at the time of the Off- Tokachi earthquake in last September, 7 cities exceeding 30% of the total did not make any warnings of evacuation.

 

添削

 

Among the governmental organizations to which a Tsumami alarm was delivered at the time of the Off- Tokachi Off-shore eEarthquake1 in last September, 7 cities exceeding 30% of the total did not make issue any warnings of evacuation to their residents2.

 

コメント

 

1.       十勝沖地震と固有名詞扱いにすると良いでしょう。

 

2.       日本文には明記してありませんが、避難勧告は自治体の住民に出された、と補足説明を入れると文章の内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Among the governmental organizations to which a Tsumami alarm was delivered at the time of the Tokachi Off-shore Earthquake1 last September, 7 cities exceeding 30% of the total did not issue any warnings of evacuation to their residents2.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、16 September 04

 

When an earthquake that originated off Tokachi, Hokkaido occurred in September, seven cities and towns or more than 30% percent of the municipalities that were given the tidal wave warning did not issue any evacuation order.

 

添削

 

When an earthquake that originated occurred off the coast of the Tokachi region in, Hokkaido1 occurred in September, municipalities in the region received a tsunami warning.2 But seven cities and towns or more than 30% percent of the municipalities that were given the tidal wave warning did not really issue any evacuation order to their residents3.

 

コメント

 

短い文で、いろいろな情報が省略されています。日本の読者は背景の事情を知っているので文の内容がわかりますが、このような事情を知らない読者のためには補足説明が必要です。

 

1.       地震の起こった場所の補足説明をします。

 

2.       日本文は一文ですが、英文ではここで文を切ったほうが、どのような順序で物事が起こったか、わかりやすくなります。

 

3.       ここにも「地域の住民に」という補足説明をいれます。

 

添削後の文章

 

When an earthquake occurred off the coast of the Tokachi region in Hokkaido in September, municipalities in the region received a tsunami warning. But seven cities and towns or more than 30% percent of the municipalities did not really issue any evacuation order to their residents.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Knight, 2 May 04

 

When the Meteorological Agency issued a tsunami warning during the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake in September, seven municipalities, more than 30 percent of the warned area, didn't issue an evacuation order.

 

添削

When the Meteorological Agency issued a tsunami warning during the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake in September, seven municipalities, more than 30 percent of the warned area, didn't did not1 issue an evacuation order to their residents.

 

コメント

 

Knightさんはわかりやすい英文で日本文の内容を表現しています。日本文には(読者にわかるものとして)気象庁が抜けていますが英文では入れる必要があります。

 

1.       会話体の筆記表現にはdidn’t, haven’t, I’ve gotも使いますが、フォーマルな文章では使わないほうが良いでしょう。

 

内容を強く表現するには次のような文章の区切り方もあります。

 

The Meteorological Agency issued a tsunami warning when the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake happened in September last year. But seven municipal governments, more than 30 per cent of the municipalities in the area, did not issue an evacuation order to their residents.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Michi, 22 Oct 03

 

When the Japan Meteorological Agency issued a tsunami warning in September when the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake happened, seven cities and towns, over 30 percent of the cities and towns, did not issue an evacuation advise to its residents.

 

添削

 

When the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake happened in September1, the Japan Meteorological Agency issued a tsunami warning2. in September when the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake happened, seven Seven cities and towns, over 30 percent of the cities and towns, did not issue an evacuation advise order to its their residents.

 

コメント

 

1.       日本文の内容を時間の経過に沿って英文で表現したほうがわかりやすくなります。添削では十勝沖地震を最初にもって来ました。

 

2.       日本文には誰が津波警報を出したか書いてありませんが、Michiさんのように内容を補充して文章全体の内容を完結するようにすると読者にわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

When the Tokachi Offshore Earthquake happened in September, the Japan Meteorological Agency issued a tsunami warning. Seven cities and towns, over 30 percent of the cities and towns, did not issue an evacuation order to their residents.

 

 

練習問題 102

 

18年ぶりのセ・リーグ優勝を果たした阪神タイガースは10月10日、本拠地・甲子園球場で広島を相手に今シーズンの最終戦を行った。

 

読者からの投稿 11(Valley winds, 12 December 12

 

The baseball team Hanshin Tigers plated the team Hiroshima the final match of the year on October 10 at their home ground Koshien Stadium. Hanshin Tigers was for this year champion of the Central League for the first time in the last 18 years.

 

添削

 

The baseball team Hanshin Tigers played plated  the team Hiroshima the their final match of the year on October 10 against the team Hiroshima at their home ground, Koshien Stadium. The Hanshin Tigers was for this year’s champion of the Central League for the first time in the last 18 years.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The baseball team Hanshin Tigers played their final match of the year on October 10 against the team Hiroshima at their home ground, Koshien Stadium. The Hanshin Tigers was this year’s champion of the Central League for the first time in the last 18 years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Tatsuo, 7 July 11

 

Hanshin Tigars, who is one of a Japanese professional baseball team, won a central league match. This victory was after an interval of 18 years. Hanshin Tigars played last game in this season against Hiroshima at Koshien stadium on 10 October.

 

添削

 

The Hanshin TigarsTigers1, who is one of the a Japanese professional baseball teams, won athe  cCentral lLeague match. This victory came was after an interval of 18 years. The Hanshin TigarsTigers played their last game in this season against the Hiroshima Carp at the Koshien stadium on 10 October 10.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       チーム名には定冠詞がつきます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Hanshin Tigers, one of the Japanese professional baseball teams, won the Central League match. This victory came after an interval of 18 years. The Hanshin Tigers played their last game in this season against the Hiroshima Carp at the Koshien stadium on October 10.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(mxtomi, 11 November 09

 

The Hanshin Tigers who had won this year’s Central League pennant for the first time in 18 years played the last game of the season against the Hiroshima Carp at its home field, Koshien Stadium on October 10.

 

添削

 

The Hanshin Tigers who had already won this year’s Central League pennant for the first time in 18 years played the last game of the season against the Hiroshima Carp at its home field, Koshien Stadium on October 10.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。既にセリーグ優勝が決まったあとの消化試合だったのでしょうから、 添削のようにalreadyを入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Hanshin Tigers who had already won this year’s Central League pennant for the first time in 18 years played the last game of the season against the Hiroshima Carp at its home field, Koshien Stadium on October 10.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(kk, 20 May 08

 

The Hanshin Tigers, which had won the championship baseball game in the Japanese Central League after the interval of eighteen years played the final game of this season against the Hiroshima Carp at Tigers' home field Koshien ball park on October 10.

 

添削

 

The Hanshin Tigers, which had already won the baseball championship baseball game in the Japanese Central League after the interval of eighteen years played the final game of this season against the Hiroshima Carp at Tigers' home field Koshien ball park on October 10.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。いろいろな情報が詰め込まれた日本文ですが、要点は阪神タイガースは10月10日に最終戦を行った、ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Hanshin Tigers, which had already won the baseball championship in the Japanese Central League after the interval of eighteen years played the final game of this season against the Hiroshima Carp at Tigers' home field Koshien ball park on October 10.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 24 April 08

 

The Hanshin Tigers which won the first prize in the Central League for the first time in 18 years hold the last game in this season against the Hiroshima Toyo Carp at Koshien Stadium on October 1.

 

添削

 

The Hanshin Tigers which had already1 won the first championship prize in the Central League for the first time in 18 years hold held its the last game in this season against the Hiroshima Toyo Carp at Koshien Stadium on October 1.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       この最終試合のまえにセリーグ優勝は決まっていたので、heldより一つ前の時制のhad wonにします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Hanshin Tigers which had already won the championship in the Central League for the first time in 18 years held its last game in this season against the Hiroshima Toyo Carp at Koshien Stadium on October 1.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、18 June 07

 

Hanshin Tigers won the championship in the Central Leagues after 18 years' absence played the last game against Hiroshima at the Koshien Stadium, their home ground on October 10.

 

添削

 

Hanshin Tigers that had already1 won the championship in the Central Leagues for the first time in eighteen years after 18 years' absence2 played the last game against Hiroshima Carps3 at the Koshien Stadium, their home ground, on October 10.

 

コメント

 

1.       この試合の時には既にセ・リーグ優勝は決まっていたということを明確にするには添削のように過去完了形を使います。

 

2.       after eighteen years’ absence from the championshipの意味ですが、添削のほうが平明な表現でしょう。

 

3.       魚のcarpの複数形はcarps, carpの両方がありますが、ここではHanshin Tigersに合わせてHiroshima Carpsがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Hanshin Tigers that had already won the championship in the Central League for the first time in eighteen years played the last game against Hiroshima Carps at Koshien Stadium, their home ground, on October 10.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、5 June 07

 

Hanshin Tigers, which had won their first Central League championship in 18 years, held the final game against Hiroshima Carp at Koshien, the Tigers' home field, on October, 10th.

 

添削

 

Hanshin Tigers which had won their first Central League championship in 18 years held the their final game against Hiroshima Carp at Koshien Stadium1, the Tigers' home field, on October, 10th.

 

コメント

 

1.       英語読者にはKoshienだけではわからないのでKoshien Stadiumとするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Hanshin Tigers, which had won their first Central League championship in 18 years, held their final game against Hiroshima Carp at Koshien Stadium, Tigers' home field, on October, 10th.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(KAPPA2006, 27 June 06

 

The Hanshin Tigers who won the championship of the central league for the first time in 18 years played the final game of this year against the Hiroshima on October 10 at the home -Koshien stadium.

 

添削

 

The Hanshin Tigers who won the championship of the cCentral lLeague for the first time in 18 years played the final game of this year season against the Hiroshima Toyo Carp1 on October 10 at the its home -Koshien stadium of Koshien.

 

コメント

 

1.       阪神タイガースとあるので、これに対応してthe Hiroshima Toyo Carpとするとよいでしょう。広島球団の名前は現在はこれでよいのでしょうか?全体にわかりやすい英文です。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Hanshin Tigers who won the championship of the Central League for the first time in 18 years played the final game of this season against the Hiroshima Toyo Carp1 on October 10 at its home stadium of Koshien.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、16 September 04

 

The Hanshin Tigers, who won the Central League championship in the Japanese baseball for the first time in 18 years, played the last game of the season against Hiroshima Toyo Carp at their base, the Koshien Stadium, on October 10.

 

添削

 

The Hanshin Tigers, who had already1 won the Central League championship in the Japanese baseball for the first time in 18 years, played the last game of the season against the Hiroshima Toyo Carp at their base home ground, the Koshien Stadium, on October 10.

 

コメント

 

1.       添削のようにするとセ・リーグ優勝チームがなぜまだ試合をしているのかわかりやすくなると思います。

 

広島にいた時に広島球場に広島―阪神戦を見に行きました。阪神ファンが広島ファンと同数以上に球場につめかけてきているのに驚きました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Hanshin Tigers, who had already won the Central League championship in the Japanese baseball for the first time in 18 years, played the last game of the season against the Hiroshima Toyo Carp at their home ground, the Koshien Stadium, on October 10.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Knight, 2 May 04

 

On October 10, the Hanshin Tigers played the final game of this season with the Hiroshima Carp at its home ground, the Koshien Stadium, after the Hanshin Tigers won the Central League championship for the first time in 18 years.

 

添削

 

On October 10, the Hanshin Tigers played the final game of this season with against the Hiroshima Carp at its home ground, the Koshien Stadium., after In this season1, the Hanshin Tigers won the Central League championship for the first time in 18 eighteen years.

 

コメント

 

1.       日本文では「18年ぶり優勝した」と「最終戦を行った」という独立した内容が無理やり一つの文にしてあります。英文では二つの独立した内容であることを示すために、ここで一度文を切ると良いでしょう。日本文の特徴として、因果関係の薄い内容を「てにをは」でつなげてしますことが多いので、英文で表現するときには注意が必要です。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 10, the Hanshin Tigers played the final game of this season against the Hiroshima Carp at its home ground, the Koshien Stadium., In this season, the Hanshin Tigers won the Central League championship for the first time in eighteen years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Daio, 25 Oct 03

 

On October 10, the Hanshin Tigers, that had won the pennant in the Central League for the first time in eighteen years, held its last game in the season at Koushien Stadium against the Hiroshima Carps.

 

添削

 

On October 10, the Hanshin Tigers held their last game of the season at Koushien Stadium against the Hiroshima Carps1., that The Hanshin Tigers had won the pennant in the Central League for the first time in eighteen years., held its last game in the season at Koushien Stadium against the Hiroshima Carps.

 

コメント

 

1.       「最終戦を行った」が文章の要旨なので、ここのところを一つの文にして関係代名詞節を別の文にしたほうが文章全体がわかりやすくなります。限定用法の関係代名詞節が長くなると、読者の頭の中でこの部分の理解を貯めておいてから、文の次の部分を読むことになり、文全体の内容の理解の負担になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 10, the Hanshin Tigers held their last game of the season at Koushien Stadium against the Hiroshima Carps. The Hanshin Tigers had won the pennant in the Central League for the first time in eighteen years. held its last game in the season at Koushien Stadium against the Hiroshima Carps.

 

 

練習問題 103

 

全国農業協同組合連合会は10月8日、本年産もち米の価格を卸や加工業者に提示した。北海道産のもち米は今年も不作見込みでに前年比24%高になっている。

 

読者からの投稿 11(文月、28 October 16

 

On October 8, National Federation of Agricultural Cooperative Associations in Japan provided wholesalers and processors with the price setting of glutinous rice produced in this year. The glutinous rice in Hokkaido is estimated to fail also in this year and increase by 24  percent from the previous year.

 

添削

 

On October 8, the National Federation of Agricultural Cooperative Associations in Japan provided wholesalers and processors with the price setting of for glutinous rice produced in this year. The amount of glutinous rice production in Hokkaido is expected estimated to fail fall also in this year and its price is expected to increase by 24 percent from the previous year.

 

コメント

 

内容の推測ができます。Rice production is expected to fail.では大凶作になってしまいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 8, the National Federation of Agricultural Cooperative Associations in Japan provided wholesalers and processors with the price for glutinous rice produced this year. The amount of glutinous rice production in Hokkaido is expected to fall this year and its price is expected to increase by 24 percent from the previous year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 12 December 12

 

The Japan Agricultural Cooperation Union showed the prices of glutinous rice to harvest this autumn to distributors and processing industries on October 8. The prices of glutinous rice in Hokkaido raised 24 percent more than last year because of the prospect of a continuous poor crop.

 

添削

 

The Japan Agricultural Cooperation Union showed  presented the prices of glutinous rice to be harvested this autumn to distributors and processing industries on October 8. The prices of glutinous rice in Hokkaido became raised 24 percent higher more than last year because of the prospect of a continuous poor crop.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Japan Agricultural Cooperation Union presented the prices of glutinous rice to be harvested this autumn to distributors and processing industries on October 8. The prices of glutinous rice in Hokkaido became 24 percent higher than last year because of the prospect of a continuous poor crop.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Tatsuo, 24 July 11

 

Japan agricultural cooperative association offered wholesalers and production companies the unit price of glutinous rice of this year. Glutinous rice of Hokkaido origin is forecasted a poor product in this year. The price has already increased 24 percent compared with last year’s price.    

 

添削

 

The Japan aAgricultural cCooperative aAssociation1 offered wholesalers and manufacturers production companies2 the unit price of glutinous rice of this year. Glutinous rice of Hokkaido origin is forecasted a poor production in this year. and3 The its price has already increased 24 percent from compared with the last year’s price.    

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       固有名詞なので大文字にします。

 

2.       production company生産者は意味が広く、農業従事者も入りますから、manufactures 製造業者(加工業者)にします。

 

3.       andでつなげると前の文との因果関係がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Japan Agricultural Cooperative Association offered wholesalers and manufacturers the unit price of glutinous rice of this year. Glutinous rice of Hokkaido origin is forecast a poor production this year and its price has already increased 24 percent from the last year’s price.    

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 11 November 09

 

The National Federation of Agricultural Cooperative Associations presented the price of this year’s sticky rice to wholesalers and processors on October 8. The price of sticky rice from Hokkaido is 24% higher than in the last year, reflecting a bad harvest anticipated this year.

 

添削

 

The National Federation of Agricultural Cooperative Associations presented the price of this year’s sticky rice to wholesalers and processors on October 8. The price of sticky rice from Hokkaido is 24% higher than in the last year, reflecting a bad harvest anticipated this year.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The National Federation of Agricultural Cooperative Associations presented the price of this year’s sticky rice to wholesalers and processors on October 8. The price of sticky rice from Hokkaido is 24% higher than the last year, reflecting a bad harvest anticipated this year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 21 May 08

 

The National Federation of Agricultural Cooperative Associations showed the official rice price for estimated yield this year to wholesalers and processors on October 8. The sweet rice harvest in Hokkaido is expected to be poor again and have the price 24 percent higher than last year.

 

添削

 

The National Federation of Agricultural Cooperative Associations showed presented the official rice price for of sweet rice for the crop estimated yield this year to wholesalers and processors on October 8. The sweet rice harvest in Hokkaido is expected to be poor again this year and have pushes its the price 24 percent higher than last year.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The National Federation of Agricultural Cooperative Associations presented the official price of sweet rice for the crop this year to wholesalers and processors on October 8. The sweet rice harvest in Hokkaido is expected to be poor again this year and pushes its price 24 percent higher than last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 27 April 08

 

On October 8, the National Federation of Agricultural Cooperative Associations announced their selling prices of the sticky rice this year to the rice wholesalers and process manufacturers. Sticky rice production in Hokkaido which is one of the major production areas in Japan seems to become bad harvest again this year and the price is 24 percent higher than that of last year.

 

添削

 

On October 8, the National Federation of Agricultural Cooperative Associations announced their selling prices of the sticky rice this year to the rice wholesalers and process manufacturers. Sticky rice production in Hokkaido, which is one of the major production areas in Japan, is forecasted seems to have a become bad harvest again this year and the price will be1 is 24 percent higher than that of last year.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「前年比24%高になっている。」とありますが、この年の秋に収穫されるもち米の値段なので未来形にしたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 8, the National Federation of Agricultural Cooperative Associations announced their selling prices of sticky rice this year to rice wholesalers and manufacturers. Sticky rice in Hokkaido, which is one of the major production areas in Japan, is forecasted to have a  bad harvest again this year and the price will be 24 percent higher than that of last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、18 June 07

 

The National Federation of Agricultural Cooperative Associations presented the prices of sticky rice to be produced this year to wholesalers and process manufacturers. The price of sticky rice from Hokkaido was 24 percent higher than that of last year because a bad harvest is expected.

 

添削

 

The National Federation of Agricultural Cooperative Associations presented the prices of sticky sweet1 rice to be produced harvested this fall year to wholesalers and food processors manufacturers. Among them2, Tthe price of sticky sweet rice from Hokkaido was will be3 24 percent higher than that of last year because a bad harvest is expected.

 

添削

 

1.       もち米の通称名はいろいろありますが、sweet riceが一般的です。広東中華料理店の飲茶では、もち米をハスの葉で包んで蒸したものをsticky riceとよびます。

 

2.       「これらの中で、北海道産のもち米の値段は」とすると内容がはっきりします。

 

3.       この価格は既に提示されたものですが、a bad harvest is expectedに合わせて、未来形でよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The National Federation of Agricultural Cooperative Associations presented the prices of sweet rice to be harvested this fall to wholesalers and food processors. Among them, the price of sweet rice from Hokkaido will be 24 percent higher than that of last year because a bad harvest is expected.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、6 June 07

 

On October, 8th, National Federation of Agricultural Cooperative Associations offered the prices of new glutinous rice to wholesalers and to processors. The price of glutinous rice from Hokkaido was a 24.5% increase from the previous year because the rice crop seemed to fail again this year.

 

添削

 

On October, 8th, the National Federation of Agricultural Cooperative Associations offered the prices of new glutinous rice to wholesalers and to processors. The price of glutinous rice from Hokkaido was a 24.5% increase higher than from last the previous year1 because the a bad rice crop is expected seemed to fail again this year.

 

コメント

 

1.       The rice from Hokkaido showed a 24.5% increase from last year. The rice from Hokkaido increased 24.5% from last year. The rice from Hokkaido was 24.5% higher than last year.といろいろ表現できますが、increasedと動詞を使う二番目の表現が一番良いでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 8th, the National Federation of Agricultural Cooperative Associations offered the prices of new glutinous rice to wholesalers and to processors. The price of glutinous rice from Hokkaido was 24.5% higher than last year because a bad crop is expected again this year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(KAPPA2006, 27 June 06

 

Japan Agricultural Corp Union indicated the price of rice for mochi or rice cracker for this year to the whole-salers and processors. Rice for mochi from Hokkaido is expected to be bad crop this year in succession and the price is 24% higher than that of the previous year.

 

 

添削

 

Japan Agricultural Corp Co-operation Union indicated the price of sweet rice for mochi or and rice cracker for this year to the wholesalers whole-salers and processors. The production of sweet1 Rrice for mochi from in Hokkaido is expected to be bad crop this year in succession again2 and the price is 24% higher than that of the previous last3 year.

 

コメント

 

1.       もち米の生産は、と文を始めるとわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       今年も不作、となっていて、不作が何年続いているのかはっきりしませんから、againとしました。

 

3.       the previous yearは何かがあった前の年ですから、この文章では昨年をさしますが、last yearとしたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japan Agricultural Co-operation Union indicated the price of sweet rice for mochi and rice cracker for this year to wholesalers and processors. The production of sweet rice for mochi in Hokkaido is expected to be bad this year again and the price is 24% higher than that of  last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、22 September 04

 

National Federation of Agricultural Co-Operative Associations offered on October 8 the price of sticky rice (a special kind of rice used for rice cases) produced this year to wholesalers and rice processors. This year is expected to be another bad year for sticky rice in Hokkaido and the price is 24% higher than that of last year.

 

添削

 

On October 8, the National Federation of Agricultural Co-Operative Associations offered indicated on October 8 the price of sticky rice (a special kind of rice used for processed rice cases products1) to be2 produced this year to wholesalers and rice processors. This year is expected to be another bad year of bad crops for sticky rice in Hokkaido and the price is will be3 24% higher than that of last year.

 

コメント

 

1.       「もち米」の説明があっていいですね。「もち米加工製品」をprocessed rice productsとしました。

 

2.       108日の発表になっていますが、北海道のもち米はまだ収穫が済んでいないようですね。To be producedとすると、まだ収穫が終わっていないという意味が含まれます。

 

3.       もち米の価格は24パーセント高と設定されましたが、to be producedと時制を合わせて、未来形にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 8, the National Federation of Agricultural Co-Operative Associations indicated the price of sticky rice (a special kind of rice used for processed rice products) to be produced this year to wholesalers and rice processors. This year is expected to be another year of bad crops for sticky rice in Hokkaido and the price will be 24% higher than that of last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(よしみ、22 Oct 03

 

On October 8, the National Federation of Agricultural Cooperative Associations presented wholesale prices of glutinous rice for this year’s crop to wholesalers and food processors. The price of glutinous rice from Hokkaido was 24 percent higher than last year because a bad harvest is expected.

 

添削

 

On October 8, the National Federation of Agricultural Cooperative Associations presented wholesale prices of glutinous rice for this year’s crop to wholesalers and food processors. The price of glutinous rice from Hokkaido was 24 percent higher than last year because a bad harvest is expected1.

 

コメント

 

添削したところはありません。

 

1.       「北海道産のもち米は今年も不作見込みでに前年比24%高になっている。」は「北海道産のもち米は今年も不作見込みである。そのため価格は前年比24%高になっている。」という順序ですが、英文では、もち米の価格が文章の要点なので、よしみさんのように「北海道産のもち米の価格は前年比24%高になっている。それは今年は不作が見込まれているからである。」の順序にしたほうがよいです。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 8, the National Federation of Agricultural Cooperative Associations presented wholesale prices of glutinous rice for this year’s crop to wholesalers and food processors. The price of glutinous rice from Hokkaido was 24 percent higher than last year because a bad harvest is expected.

 

 

練習問題 104

 

北海道の女性の肌は色白だが、しわは多め−。ポーラ化粧品本舗が10月8日までにまとめた女性の肌の全国的な調査で、こんな結果が明らかになった。

 

読者からの投稿 11(文月、13 December 16

 

Women living in Hokkaido have fairer skin but rather more wrinkles--such  findings have been revealed by a nationwide survey that POLA Cosmetics,  Inc. had compiled by October 8.

 

添削

 

Women living in Hokkaido have a fairer skin but rather more wrinkles than those living in other places in Japan.1 --sSuch findings have been revealed by a nationwide survey that POLA Cosmetics, Inc. had released2 compiled by on October 8.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       比較の対象が必要です。

 

2.       「10月8日までにまとめた〜」という表現が日本語にありますが、これは「10月8日までにまとめて10月8日に発表した〜」と解釈してよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Women living in Hokkaido have a fairer skin but more wrinkles than those living in other places in Japan. Such findings have been revealed by a nationwide survey that POLA Cosmetics Inc. had released on October 8.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 16 December 12

 

Women in Hokkaido have white skins and more lines than other districts in Japan. According to the survey of Pola Cosmetic Co. which had researched about women’s skins in Japan on October 8.

 

添削

 

Women in Hokkaido had1 have fairer white skins and more wrinkles lines than women in other districts of in Japan. Aaccording to a the survey conducted by of Pola Cosmetic Co. which had researched about women’s skins in Japan on October 8.

 

コメント

 

内容が推測できます。

 

1.       過去の調査の結果なので過去形になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

 

Women in Hokkaido had fairer skins and more wrinkles than women in other districts of  Japan according to a survey conducted by Pola Cosmetic Co. on October 8.

 

読者からの投稿 9(Tatsuo, 27 July 11

 

Pola, one of the Japanese cosmetic firms, made the summary of their nationwide survey about the skin for women on October 8.  The report showed like this result that Japanese women who live in Hokkaido have white skin but they have a bit more wrinkles.     

 

添削

 

Pola, one of the Japanese cosmetic firms, made reported a the summary of its1 their nationwide survey about the skins of for women on October 8.  The report showed like this result that Japanese women who lived2 in Hokkaido have fairer3 white skins than women in other regions but they have a bit more wrinkles.     

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       会社の代名詞に、その会社に働く人をさして、their, themを使うこともありますが、ここではitsでよいでしょう。

 

2.       reportedという過去形に対応して、「動詞に時制の一致」で過去形にします(現在でも通用する真実なので現在形で良い、という解釈もありますが、私は伝統的な動詞の時制の原則を使っています)。

 

3.       色白も色黒も比較の問題ですから、日本文には明示してありませんが、このようにするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Pola, one of the Japanese cosmetic firms, reported a summary of its nationwide survey about the skins of women on October 8. The report showed that Japanese women who lived in Hokkaido have fairer skins than women in other regions but they have a bit more wrinkles.     

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 11 November 09

 

A nationwide survey on women’s skins conducted by a cosmetic company, Pola, gave somewhat mixed blessing to Women from Hokkaido on October 8. They have fairer complexions but more wrinkled than those elsewhere in Japan.

 

添削

 

A nationwide survey on of women’s skins conducted by a cosmetic company, Pola, gave somewhat mixed blessings to Wwomen in from Hokkaido on October 8. They Women in Hokkaido have fairer complexions but more wrinkleds than those elsewhere in Japan.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A nationwide survey of women’s skins conducted by a cosmetic company, Pola, gave somewhat mixed blessings to women in Hokkaido on October 8. Women in Hokkaido have fairer complexions but more wrinkles than those elsewhere in Japan.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 22 May 08

 

The women in Hokkaido have fairer complexions but more wrinkles than those in other areas in Japan -- these results were revealed in the nationwide survey on women's skin conducted by POLA Inc. on October 8.

 

添削

 

The women in Hokkaido have fairer complexions but more wrinkles than those in other areas in Japan -- these results were revealed in the nationwide survey on women's skins conducted by POLA Inc. on October 8.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。調査の結果を先ず記述して、-- で次の文とつないだので内容がわかりやすいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

The women in Hokkaido have fairer complexions but more wrinkles than those in other areas in Japan -- these results were revealed in the nationwide survey on women's skins conducted by POLA Inc. on October 8.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 29 April 08

 

Women in Hokkaido have white skin but also have more wrinkles than other areas in Japan. Pola Inc. announced this result on October 8 by a survey of skin conditions of women nationwide.

 

添削

 

Women in Hokkaido have fairer complexions white skin but also have more wrinkles than those in other areas in Japan. Pola Inc. announced these this results on October 8 by of a survey on of skin conditions of women nationwide on October 8.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、「色白」はa fair complexionといいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Women in Hokkaido have fairer complexions but more wrinkles than those in other areas in Japan. Pola Inc. announced these results of a survey on skin conditions of women nationwide on October 8.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、18 June 07

 

The nationwide research on women's skin by Pola Cosmetics, Inc. showed the following result on October 8. Women's skin in Hokkaido is white, but they have more wrinkles on their face than that in other parts of Japan.

 

添削

 

The nationwide research on women's skins by Pola Cosmetics, Inc., which was released on October eighth1, showed the following results on October 8.: Women's skin in Hokkaido is have fairer complexions2 white, but they have more wrinkles on their faces than that those in other parts of Japan.

 

コメント

 

1.       新聞記事を基にした問題なので「10月8日までにまとめた」という情報が入っていますが、本文の内容と関係の少ない情報ですね。本文の中にon October 8と入れると、この情報が目立ってしますので、添削のように補足説明にするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       色白はshe/he has a fair complexion. という表現があります。添削のようにすると色白としわが同じ文に入ります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The nationwide research on women's skins by Pola Cosmetics, Inc., which was released on October eighth, showed the following results: Women in Hokkaido have fairer complexions  but more wrinkles on their faces than those in other parts of Japan.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、6 June 07

 

According to a nationwide survey on female skin, which was carried out by POLA Cosmetics, Inc., women in Hokkaido had fair skin, but more wrinkles by comparison with women in other areas.

 

添削

 

According to a nationwide survey on female skins, which was carried out by POLA Cosmetics, Inc., women in Hokkaido had fairer skin complexions, but more wrinkles than1 by comparison with women in other areas.

 

コメント

 

1.       簡単な比較級の表現のほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to a nationwide survey on female skins which was carried out by POLA Cosmetics, Inc., women in Hokkaido had fairer complexions but more wrinkles than  women in other areas.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(KAPPA2006, 27 June 06

 

Pola cosmetics revealed the results of nationalwide research regarding women's skin by October 8 ; Skin of Hokkaido women is white but rather whinkled.

 

添削

 

Pola cCosmetics revealed the results of a nationalwide nationwide research regarding women's skins by on1 October 8 ; The Sskin of Hokkaido women is whiter2 but rather more whinkledwrinkled than those in the rest of Japan3.

 

コメント

 

1.       「10月8日までにまとめた(調査結果)」という言い方が日本文にはよくでてきます。「ずっと調査をしてきたが、10月8日までにまとめて発表した調査結果」という意味なのでしょうが、発表したのは10月8日なので、on October 8とすればよいでしょう。

 

2.       肌の色の表現は難しいです。fair skinというと色白だが太陽の紫外線に弱い、という意味があり、pale skinというと色白だが She looked pale.のように病弱で青白い肌、顔の色、という意味があります。日本語で色白というと絵の具の白ではなく、日本人が理解している白い肌のことですね。英文で日本人の肌の色を表現しているものを見つけて調べればよいのですが、まだ調べてないので、ここではwhiteにしておきます。ちなみに日本人の眼の色は大体の人はblackではなくてbrownです。

 

3.       比較級は一般的には比較の対象を必要とします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Pola Cosmetics revealed the results of a nationwide research regarding women's skins on October 8 ; The skin of Hokkaido women is whiter but more wrinkled than those in the rest of Japan.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント6022 September 04

 

Women in Hokkaido have a fair skin but many wrinkles. This is the result of a survey carried out nationally by Pola, a cosmetics company, as of October 8 on women's skin.

 

添削

 

Women in Hokkaido have a fairer complexion1 skin but many more wrinkles than women in other parts of Japan2. This is the result of a survey on women’s complexion carried out nationally by Pola, a cosmetics company, as of October 8 on women's skin.

 

コメント

 

1.       顔の色艶をcomplexionといいます。

 

2.       ここは比較の問題なので、比較の対象を入れると良いでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Women in Hokkaido have a fairer complexion but more wrinkles than women in other parts of Japan. This is the result of a survey on women’s complexion carried out nationally by Pola, a cosmetics company, as of October 8.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NANA, 25 Oct 03

 

Women in Hokkaido have fairer complexion but more wrinkles. This is a result of a national survey Paula Cosmetics Company released on October 8.

 

添削

 

Women in Hokkaido have fairer complexions but more wrinkles than those in the rest of Japan1. This is a the result of from a national survey that Paula Cosmetics Company released on October 8.

 

コメント

 

1.       「北海道の女性の肌は色白だが、しわは多め。」は「北海道の女性は(日本のほかの土地の女性と較べて)肌は色白だが、しわは多め。」の意味ですね。NANAさんはここを正確に捉えています。しかし英文で比較級を使うときには常に(文章の中で比較の対象がすでに出ている場合を除いて)比較の対象が必要になることに注意が必要です。

 

添削後の文章

 

Women in Hokkaido have fairer complexions but more wrinkles than those in the rest of Japan. This is the result from a national survey that Paula Cosmetics Company released on October 8.

 

 

練習問題 105

 

10月10日午後8時40分ごろ、東京都武蔵野市のJR中央線の踏切で、高架工事で幅が広がったため乗用車が渡りきれず電車が緊急停止した。

 

読者からの投稿 12(文月、24 August 16

 

At about 8:40 p.m. on October 10, a train of the JR Chuo Line made an emergency stop at a railroad crossing in Musashino City in Tokyo. An automobile could not have passed through the railroad crossing, which had been widen because of a construction of an elevated bridge.

 

添削

 

At about 8:40 p.m. on October 10, a train of the JR Chuo Line made an emergency stop at a railroad crossing in Musashino City in Tokyo. An automobile could not have complete passeding through the railroad crossing, which had been widen because of the a construction of an elevated bridge.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。

 

添削後の文章

 

At about 8:40 p.m. on October 10, a train of the JR Chuo Line made an emergency stop at a railroad crossing in Musashino City in Tokyo. An automobile could not complete passing through the railroad crossing which had been widen because of the  construction of an elevated bridge.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(Valley winds, 16 December 12

 

At about 8:40 p.m. on October 10, a train stopped urgently at a railroad crossing along JR Chuo-Line in Musashino City, Tokyo Metropolis. That was why a car couldn’t cross the railroad crossing extended for the construction to elevate the railroad.

 

添削

 

At about 8:40 p.m. on October 10, a train stopped urgently at a railroad crossing of along the JR Chuo-Line in Musashino City, Tokyo Metropolis. This was because That was why a car couldn’t quickly cross the railroad crossing that had been extended for the construction to elevate the railroad.

 

コメント

 

That was why ~This was because ~に変更しないと文章の内容が曖昧ですが、これは推測できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

At about 8:40 p.m. on October 10, a train stopped urgently at a railroad crossing of the JR Chuo-Line in Musashino City, Tokyo . This was because a car couldn’t quickly cross the railroad crossing that had been extended for the construction to elevate the railroad.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Tatsuo, 27 July 11

 

A train was emergency stop at a railroad crossing on JR Chuo line in Musashino City, Tokyo on October 10 around 8:40 pm. The distance of the railroad crossing has become long way due to the construction of an elevated railroad, so that a car could not pass the railroad crossing in time.

 

添削

 

A train was made an emergency stop at a railroad crossing on the JR Chuo line in Musashino City, Tokyo on October 10 around 8:40 pm. The distance of the railroad crossing has become so long way due to the construction of an elevated railroad, so that a car could not pass the railroad crossing in time.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A train made an emergency stop at a railroad crossing on the JR Chuo line in Musashino City, Tokyo on October 10 around 8:40 pm. The distance of the railroad crossing has become so long way due to the construction of an elevated railroad that a car could not pass the railroad crossing in time.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(mxtomi, 11 November 09

 

A passenger automobile brought a train to an emergency stop at a railroad crossing along the JR Chuo line in Musashino City, Tokyo around 8:40 p.m. on October 10. The car failed to make its way in time across the crossing which had been extended as a result of the construction of an elevated railroad.

 

添削

 

A passenger automobile brought a train to an emergency stop at a railroad crossing along the JR Chuo line in Musashino City, Tokyo around 8:40 p.m. on October 10. The car automobile failed to make its way in time across the crossing in time1. The railway crossing which had been extended as a result of the construction of an elevated railroad.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       ここから新しい文にしたほうが読みやすいでしょう。また、特に接続詞を使わないで新しい文を始めても、内容が前の文の続きだとわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A passenger automobile brought a train to an emergency stop at a railroad crossing along the JR Chuo line in Musashino City, Tokyo around 8:40 p.m. on October 10. The automobile failed to make its way across the crossing in time. The railway crossing had been extended as a result of the construction of an elevated railroad.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(kk, 23 May 08

 

A train was brought to an emergency halt at a railroad crossing on JR Chuo line in Musasino City, Tokyo at around 8:40 pm on October 10. The railroad crossing had been extended so long by the construction of the elevated railroad that a driver of a passenger car was not able to get across the crossing in time.

 

添削

 

A train was brought to an emergency halt at a railroad crossing on the JR Chuo line in Musasino City, Tokyo at around 8:40 pm on October 10 when the driver of the train found a passenger car trapped in the railway crossing. The railroad crossing had been extended so long wide for by the construction of an the elevated railroad that the a driver of the a passenger car was not able to get across the crossing in time.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかりますが、最初の文に何故電車が急停車したか理由をいれるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A train was brought to an emergency halt at a railroad crossing on the JR Chuo line in Musasino City, Tokyo at around 8:40 pm on October 10 when the driver of the train found a passenger car trapped in the railway crossing. The railroad crossing had been extended so wide for the construction of an elevated railroad that the driver of the passenger car was not able to get across the crossing in time.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 29 April 08

 

At 8:40 p.m. on October 10, a train got emergency stop at the railway crossing of JR Chuo Line in Musashino City, Tokyo. This was because a car could not cross the railway crossing in time which got wider by the construction of the elevated railway tracks.

 

添削

 

At 8:40 p.m. on October 10, a train got made an emergency stop at the railway crossing of the JR Chuo Line in Musashino City, Tokyo. This was because a passenger automobile1 car could not cross the railway crossing in time which had been made2 got wider by the construction of the elevated railway tracks.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       電車のそれぞれの車両をa carということもあるので、ここではa passenger automobileとするとはっきりします。

 

2.       時間関係を過去完了形で示すとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

At 8:40 p.m. on October 10, a train made an emergency stop at the railway crossing of the JR Chuo Line in Musashino City, Tokyo. This was because a passenger automobile could not cross the railway crossing in time which had been made wider by the construction of elevated railway tracks.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(散歩人、19 July 07

 

At about 8:40 p.m. on October 10th, JR Chuo line was brought to an emergency stop by a car which could not go across a crossing at Musashino City, Tokyo, because an elevated railroad constructing had the crossing to became too wide.

 

添削

 

At about 8:40 p.m. on October 10th, a train on the JR Chuo line was brought to an emergency stop by a car which could not go across in a railway crossing at Musashino City, Tokyo,.1 The car could not cross the railway crossing in time because the construction of2 an elevated railroad constructing had widened the crossing to became too wide.

 

コメント

 

1.       「踏切内に自動車がいたので電車が緊急停車した。」「自動車は時間内に踏切を渡られなかった。」とふたつの文にするとわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       An elevated railroad constructionelevatedという動詞からきた形容詞があるので、全体の複合名詞の意味がつかみにくくなります。添削のようにthe construction of an elevated railroadofを入れて名詞を区切るとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

At about 8:40 p.m. on October 10th, a train on the JR Chuo line was brought to an emergency stop by a car in a railway crossing at Musashino City, Tokyo. The car could not cross the railway crossing in time because the construction of an elevated railroad had widened the crossing.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、18 June 07

 

Around 8:40 a.m. on October 10, a train urgently halted before a crossing on JR Chuo line in Tokyo's Musasino City because a car could not go over the width of the crossing which was extended by construction.

 

添削

 

Around 8:40 a.m. on October 10, a train urgently halted before a crossing on the JR Chuo lLine in Tokyo's Musasino City because there was a passenger car in the middle of the crossing1. aThe car could not go over, in time, the width of the crossing which was extended by the construction of an elevated rail track.

 

コメント

 

1.       この説明を入れると状況がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 8:40 a.m. on October 10, a train urgently halted before a crossing on the JR Chuo Line in Tokyo's Musasino City because there was a passenger car in the middle of the crossing. The car could not go over, in time, the width of the crossing in time which was extended by the construction of an elevated rail track.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、7 June 07

 

At about 8:40 p.m. on October 10th, JR Chuo line was brought to an emergency stop by a car which could not go across a crossing at Musashino City, Tokyo, because an elevated railroad constructing had the crossing to became too wide.

 

添削

 

At about 8:40 p.m. on October 10th, a train on the JR Chuo lLine was brought to an emergency stop by a car which could not go finish crossing across a railway crossing at Musashino City, Tokyo and got stuck in the middle of the crossing1, because the construction of an elevated railroad constructing had made the crossing to became too wide.

 

コメント

 

1.       「乗用車が渡りきれず」は「乗用車が渡りきれず踏み切りの中で立ち往生した、まだ踏み切りの中にいた」ということですが、日本文では読者にわかるものとして後半は省略してあります。英文では、文章の最後にtoo wideとあるので同様のことかな、と想像できますが、添削のように日本文で省略されているところを補足するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

At about 8:40 p.m. on October 10th, a train on the JR Chuo Line was brought to an emergency stop by a car which could not finish crossing a railway crossing at Musashino City, Tokyo and got stuck in the middle of the crossing because the construction of an elevated railroad made the crossing too wide.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(KAPPA2006, 27 June 06

 

Around 8:40 pm on October 10, a train made emergency stop at the crossing of JR Chuo line in Musashino city, Tokyo, for a car could not cross over because the width was expanded for overhead railway construction.

 

添削

 

Around 8:40 pm on October 10, a train made an emergency stop at the crossing of JR Chuo line in Musashino cCity, Tokyo when it saw a car stuck in the crossing1., for aThe car could not cross over the crossing because the width was expanded for the construction of an overhead railway construction2.

 

コメント

 

1.       投稿の文章ではfor ~ because ~と因果関係が二重に入っていて文が長いので、ここで一度文を切ったほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       名詞を並べて複合名詞をつくると、単語と単語の関係がわかりにくくなりますから、このようにするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 8:40 pm on October 10, a train made an emergency stop at the crossing of JR Chuo line in Musashino City, Tokyo when it saw a car stuck in the crossing.The car could not cross over the crossing because the width was expanded for the construction of an overhead railway.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、23 September 04

 

Around 8:40 p.m. on October 10, a train had to make an emergency stop on the JR Chuo Line in Musashino City, Tokyo because a passenger car failed to completely cross one of the railroad crossings. The width of the crossing had been extended as a result of the construction work of an elevated railroad.

 

添削

 

Around 8:40 p.m. on October 10, a train had to make an emergency stop1 on the JR Chuo Line in Musashino City, Tokyo because a passenger car failed to completely cross one of the railroad crossings2. The width of the crossing had been extended as a result of the construction work of an elevated railroad.

 

コメント

 

1.       「緊急停止した。」をhad to make an emergency stopとしたのがよいですね。単にmade an emergency stopとするより感じがでています。

 

2.       日本文の内容を適切なところで二つの英文に分けて表現しています。「乗用車が渡りきれず」をa passenger car failed to completely cross ~としたのもfail to ~の上手な使い方です。

 

添削後の文章

 

添削箇所はありません。

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(ゆうの、1 Nov 03

 

At about 8:40 am on October 10, a train made a sudden stop at a level crossing of JR’s Chuo Line in Musashino City, Tokyo when it found a passenger car on the crossing. The passenger car could not cross the crossing in time because the crossing was made longer during the construction of an elevated rail track.

 

添削

 

At about 8:40 am on October 10, a train made a sudden stop at a level crossing of JR’s Chuo Line in Musashino City, Tokyo when it found because there was1 a passenger car on in the crossing. The passenger car could not cross the crossing2 in time because the crossing was made longer during the construction of an elevated rail track.

 

コメント

 

1.       ゆうのさんは日本文の内容を二つに分けて、わかりやすく英文で表現しています。文を二つに分けたので下線を引いた部分を補足しています。

 

「10月10日午後8時40分ごろ、東京都武蔵野市のJR中央線の踏切で、踏切内に乗用車が立ち往生していたので、電車が緊急停止した。」

「高架工事で幅が広がったため乗用車は時間内に踏み切りを渡りきれなかった。」

 

2.       既に読者にわかっているので省略できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

At about 8:40 am on October 10, a train made a sudden stop at a level crossing of JR’s Chuo Line in Musashino City, Tokyo because there was a passenger car in the crossing. The passenger car could not cross in time because the crossing was made longer during the construction of an elevated rail track.

 

 

練習問題 106

 

石原国土交通相は10月10日の閣議後の記者会見で、2004年度中に高速道路の通行料金を1割引き下げるよう日本道路公団に指示した。

 

読者からの投稿 12(文月、26 August 16

 

The Minister of Land, Infrastructure and Transport, Mr. Ishihara, said at the press conference after the Cabinet meeting in October 10, that he had instructed Japan Highway Public Corporation to reduce tolls for expressways by ten percent within the 2004 fiscal year.

 

添削

 

The Minister of Land, Infrastructure and Transport, Mr. Ishihara, said at the press conference after the Cabinet meeting in on October 10, that he had instructed Japan Highway Public Corporation to reduce tolls for expressways by ten percent within the 2004 fiscal year.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Minister of Land, Infrastructure and Transport, Mr. Ishihara, said at the press conference after the Cabinet meeting on October 10, that he had instructed Japan Highway Public Corporation to reduce tolls for expressways by ten percent within the 2004 fiscal year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(Valley winds, 18 December 12

 

The minister Ishihara for Ministry of Land, Infrastructure and Transport instructed at a press conference after cabinet on October 10 the Japan Highway Public Corporation 10% reduction of highway toll in the fiscal year of 2004.

 

添削

 

The  minister Mr. Ishihara, for Ministry of Land, Infrastructure and Transport, instructed the Japan Highway Public Corporation to reduce its highway toll by 10 percent in the 2004 fiscal year at the a press conference after a cabinet meeting on October 10 the Japan Highway Public Corporation 10% reduction of highway toll in the fiscal year of 2004.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

Mr. Ishihara, Ministry of Land, Infrastructure and Transport, instructed the Japan Highway Public Corporation to reduce its highway toll by 10 percent in the 2004 fiscal year at the  press conference after a cabinet meeting on October 10 .

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Tatsuo, 31 July 11

 

Mr. Ishihara, Minister of Land, Infrastructure, Transport and Tourism, told journalists at a press conference after a cabinet meeting on October 10. Mr. Ishihara instructed Japan Highway Public Corporation to cut down 10% of the toll fare of expressways within the 2004 fiscal year.

 

添削

 

Mr. Ishihara, Minister of Land, Infrastructure, Transport and Tourism, told journalists at a press conference after a cabinet meeting on October 10. that Mr. Ishihara he instructed Japan Highway Public Corporation to reduce cut down 10% of the toll fares of expressways by 10 percent in within the 2004 fiscal year.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Mr. Ishihara, Minister of Land, Infrastructure, Transport and Tourism, told journalists at a press conference after a cabinet meeting on October 10 that he instructed Japan Highway Public Corporation to reduce the toll fares of expressways by 10 percent in the 2004 fiscal year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(mxtomi, 14 November 09

 

In a press conference after the cabinet meeting on October 10, Mr. Ishihara, Minister of Land, Infrastructure and Transport told reporters that he had instructed the Japan Highway Public Corporation to reduce tolls for expressways by 10% in by the end of 2004.

 

添削

 

In a press conference after the cabinet meeting on October 10, Mr. Ishihara, Minister of Land, Infrastructure and Transport told reporters that he had instructed the Japan Highway Public Corporation to reduce tolls for expressways by 10% in by the end of 2004.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

In a press conference after the cabinet meeting on October 10, Mr. Ishihara, Minister of Land, Infrastructure and Transport told reporters that he had instructed the Japan Highway Public Corporation to reduce tolls for expressways by 10% by the end of 2004.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(kk, 24 May 08

 

On October 10, Mr. Ishihara, minister of Land, Infrastructure, Transport and Tourism, indicated at the press conference after the cabinet council that Japan Highway Public Corporation would cut down expressway tolls by 10 % by the end of the 2004 fiscal year.

 

添削

 

On October 10, Mr. Ishihara, mMinister of Land, Infrastructure, Transport and Tourism, indicated at the press conference after the cCabinet meeting council that Japan Highway Public Corporation would cut down expressway tolls by 10 % by the end of the 2004 fiscal year.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 10, Mr. Ishihara, Minister of Land, Infrastructure, Transport and Tourism, indicated at the press conference after the Cabinet meeting that Japan Highway Public Corporation would cut down expressway tolls by 10 % by the end of the 2004 fiscal year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 30 April 08

 

On October 10, Mr. Ishihara, Ministry of land, infrastructure and transportation, announced at a press conference after the cabinet meeting that he ordered Japan Highway Public Corporation to reduce the toll fare of their highways by 10 percent within the 2004 fiscal year.

 

添削

 

On October 10, Mr. Ishihara, Ministry of land, infrastructure and transportation, made an announcement announced at a press conference after the cabinet meeting to order that he ordered Japan Highway Public Corporation to reduce the toll fare of their highways by 10 percent within the 2004 fiscal year.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。「閣議後の記者会見で日本道路公団に指示した」とあるので、記者会見の席でこのような指示を出したのでしょう。投稿の文章では、「指示をしたことを発表した」というように取れます。まあ、道路公団では既にこのような指示が出ることを知っていたでしょうが。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 10, Mr. Ishihara, Ministry of land, infrastructure and transportation, made an announcement at a press conference after the cabinet meeting to order Japan Highway Public Corporation to reduce the toll fare of their highways by 10 percent within the 2004 fiscal year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(散歩人、20 July 07

 

Japan's minister of land, infrastructure and transportation, Nobuteru Ishihara, directed the Japan Highway Public Corp. to reduced expressway tolls by 10 percent by the end of this fiscal year 2004 at a press interview after a Cabinet meeting on October 10th.

 

添削

 

Japan's mMinister of lLand, iInfrastructure and tTransportation, Mr.1 Nobuteru Ishihara, directed the Japan Highway Public Corporation. to reduced expressway tolls by 10 percent by the end of this fiscal year 2004 at a press interview after a Cabinet meeting on October 10th.

 

コメント

 

1.       北米の新聞では敬称を入れるのが一般的です。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japan's Minister of Land, Infrastructure and Transportation, Mr. Nobuteru Ishihara, directed Japan Highway Public Corporation to reduce expressway tolls by 10 percent by the end of this fiscal year 2004 at a press interview after a Cabinet meeting on October 10th.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、19 June 07

 

At a news conference after the cabinet meeting on October 10, Minister of Land, Infrastructure and Transportation Ishihara said that he directed Japan Highway Public Corporation to discount 10 % of expressway tolls.

 

添削

 

At a news conference after the cabinet meeting on October 10, Minister of Land, Infrastructure and Transportation Ishihara said that he had1 directed Japan Highway Public Corporation to discount reduce 10 % of expressway2 tolls by 10 percent by the end of 2004.

 

コメント

 

「記者会見で、〜と日本道路公団に指示した」は状況がよくわかりませんね。記者会見の席で、日本道路公団に指示を出すものなのでしょうか。岩ちゃんは、このような指示を出したと話した、と解釈しています。

 

discountは通常の値段から値引きをする、ことなので恒常的に値段が下がるときはreduceがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

At a news conference after the cabinet meeting on October 10, Minister of Land, Infrastructure and Transportation Ishihara said that he had directed Japan Highway Public Corporation to reduce expressway tolls by 10 percent by the end of 2004.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、9 June 07

 

Japan's minister of land, infrastructure and transportation, Nobuteru Ishihara, directed the Japan Highway Public Corp. to reduced expressway tolls by 10 percent by the end of this fiscal year 2004 at a press interview after a Cabinet meeting on October 10th.

 

添削

 

On October 101, Japan's mMinister of lLand, iInfrastructure and tTransportation, Mr.2 Nobuteru Ishihara, directed the Japan Highway Public Corp. to reduced expressway tolls by 10 percent by the end of this 2004 fiscal year 2004 at a press interview after a Cabinet meeting on October 10th.

 

コメント

 

1.       新聞記事のような(実際に新聞記事を基にしていますが)報道性の高い(新しいニュース)文章では日時を文章の最初に置くとよいでしょう。

 

2.       北米の新聞記事の慣例ではMr.をつけます。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 10, Japan's Minister of Land, Infrastructure and Transportation, Mr. Nobuteru Ishihara, directed the Japan Highway Public Corp. to reduced expressway tolls by 10 percent by the end of 2004 fiscal year at a press interview after a Cabinet meeting.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kappa2006, 30 June 06

 

At the press conference held after the ministerial meeting on October 10, Mr. Ishihara, the Minister of Land, Infrastructure and Transport instructed to Japan Highway Public Corporation that the toll of highway road should be reduced by 10% within 2004 fiscal year.

 

添削

 

At the press conference held after the ministerial meeting on October 10, Mr. Ishihara, the Minister of Land, Infrastructure and Transport, instructed1 to Japan Highway Public Corporation that the toll of for highways road should be reduced by 10% within the 2004 fiscal year.

 

コメント

 

1.       このように役名を使うときには定冠詞はいりません。

 

添削後の文章

 

At the press conference held after the ministerial meeting on October 10, Mr. Ishihara, Minister of Land, Infrastructure and Transport, instructed1 Japan Highway Public Corporation that the toll for highways should be reduced by 10% within the 2004 fiscal year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、23 September 04

 

At a press conference after a cabinet meeting on October 10, Land, Infrastructure and Transportation Minister Ishihara instructed the Japan Highway Public Corporation to reduce expressway tolls by 10 percent within the fiscal year 2004.

 

添削

 

At a press conference after a cabinet meeting on October 10, Land, Infrastructure and Transportation Minister Ishihara1 instructed the Japan Highway Public Corporation to reduce expressway tolls by 10 percent within the fiscal year 2004.

 

1.       「石原国土交通相」はMr. Ishihara, Minister of Land, Infrastructure and Transportationまたは投稿のように表現できます。通常、名詞がつながる複合名詞は読みにくくなるものですが、この場合は平気ですね。Land, Infrastructure and Transportation Ministerと単語が四つつながってリズムをつくっているためでしょうか。ただし、日本の中央官庁にはとても長い名称を持つものがありますから、そのときはMr. A, Minister of Bの形のほうが良いでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 1(Tomoyuki, 5 Nov 03

 

At a press conference after the cabinet meeting on October 10, the Mr. Ishihara, Minister of Land, Infrastructure and Transportation, ordered the Public Roads Administration to reduce highway toll charges by 10 percent in the 2004 fiscal year.

 

添削

 

At a press conference after the a cabinet meeting on October 10, the Mr. Ishihara, Minister of Land, Infrastructure and Transportation, announced1 his ordered to the Public Roads Administration to reduce highway toll charges by 10 percent in the 2004 fiscal year.

 

コメント

 

Tomoyukiさんは国土交通省、日本道路公団の英語名を調べましたね。日本政府の省の名前は長いですが全部書きましょう。

 

多分、こういう事情ではないかと思います。

 

添削後の文章

 

At a press conference after a cabinet meeting on October 10, the Mr. Ishihara, Minister of Land, Infrastructure and Transportation, announced his order to the Public Roads Administration to reduce highway toll charges by 10 percent in the 2004 fiscal year.

 

 

練習問題 107

 

今の子どもたちは、親の世代にあたる30年前の子どもより体格は上回っているものの、体力は下回っていることが10月10日、文部科学省の2002年度体力・運動能力調査で分かった。

 

読者からの投稿 11(Valley winds, 18 December 12

 

Today’s children have better-built than thirty-years-ago’s children as their parent’s generation but are physically weaker. According to the report of the survey by Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology for physical test of the fiscal year of 2002 on October 10.

 

添削

 

Today’s children have are larger better-built than their parents when they were children thirty years ago1 thirty-years-ago’s children as their parent’s generation but are physically weaker,. Aaccording to the report of the a survey by the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology for physical test of the fiscal year of 2002 on October 10.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてが推測できますが、According to ~.は文ではありません。

 

1.       ここのところは添削のように内容を説明するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Today’s children are larger than their parents when they were children thirty years ago but are physically weaker, according to a survey by the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology on October 10.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(OKEN, 21 June 12

 

The Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology has released a report on the 2002 survey concerning body strength and athletic ability on October 10. The report suggests that children of today have a better constitution but a less strength than children of thirty years ago considered to be their parent generations.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology has released a report on the 2002 survey concerning children’s1 body strength and athletic ability on October 10. The report suggests that children of today have a better constitution but a less strength than children of thirty years ago who were2 considered to be their parent generations3.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       文章のなかで早めに「子供にかんして」ということを出すとわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       これを入れると、読むときに一息入れる感じになり、リズムがよくなります。

 

3.       a generationは時間の幅のある表現なので、一つのgenerationでよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

The Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology has released a report on the 2002 survey concerning children’s body strength and athletic ability on October 10. The report suggests that children of today have a better constitution but a less strength than children of thirty years ago who were considered to be their parent generation.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(mxtomi, 14 November 09

 

The 2002 survey on children’s physical strength and athletic ability conducted by the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology revealed on October 10 that the children today have a better build but a lower ability to exercise than those three decades ago or their parents’ generation.

 

添削

 

The 2002 survey on children’s physical strength and athletic ability conducted by the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology revealed on October 101 that the children today have a better build larger physiques but less physical strengths2 a lower ability to exercise than those three decades ago or their parents’ generation.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「10月10日、文部科学省の2002年度体力・運動能力調査で分かった。」のように日付の入った新聞の記事をよく見かけますが、これは「文部科学省の2002年度体力・運動能力調査の結果が10月10日に発表された。それによると 〜」という内容の省略形でしょう。英文で同じように省略して表現するには、この位置に日付を入れるのがよいとおもいますが、どうもしっくりしません。On October 10, the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology released the results of its 2002 survey on children’s physical strength and athletic ability. The survey revealed that ~.とすると10月10日は調査の結果が発表された日で、調査を行った日ではないことがはっきりしますが、如何でしょうか。

 

2.       「体格は上回っているものの、体力は下回っている」は具体的には体格は大きくなったが筋力の弱くなったことなので、具体的に表現するとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The 2002 survey on children’s physical strength and athletic ability conducted by the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology revealed on October 10 that the children today have larger physiques but less physical strengths than those three decades ago or their parents’ generation.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(kk, 25 May 08

 

The Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology showed the results of a survey of "Physical Strength and Movement Ability in 2002" on October 10. According to the survey, children nowadays are better in physique than the generation of their parents thirty years before, though, they are less in strength.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology showed released the results of a survey of "Physical Strength and Movement Ability of Children in 2002" on October 10. According to the survey, the children nowadays today have are better in physiques but less physical strength than the generation of their parents thirty years ago when they were at the ages of their children1 before, though, they are less in strength.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       better physiques than their parentsと比較の対照をはっきりさせるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology released the results of a survey of "Physical Strength and Movement Ability of Children in 2002" on October 10. According to the survey, the children today have better physiques but less physical strength than their parents thirty years ago when they were at the ages of their children.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 1 May 08

 

Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology carried out a survey on the physical strength and athletic ability of children on October 19, 2002. The result shows us that children at present are better set up but have less physical strength than those 30 years ago who are now parents of the children now.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology carried out a survey on the physical strength and athletic ability of children on October 19, 2002. The result shows us that children at present today are better built set up but have less physical strength than those 30 years ago who are now the parents of the today’s children now.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。「親の世代にあたる30年前の子どもより」を「30年前の子供(それは現在の子供の両親であるが)より」とわかりやすく表現してあります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology carried out a survey on the physical strength and athletic ability of children on October 19, 2002. The result shows us that children today are better built but have less physical strength than those 30 years ago who are now the parents of today’s children.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、19 June 07

 

 

The Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology has conducted the survey for Japanese children's physical strength and exercise ability in 2002. The survey showed on October 10 that what children are today is bigger in physical constitution, but weaker in physical strength, compared with what children was 30 years ago when their parents was a child.

 

添削

 

 

The Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology has conducted the a1 survey for Japanese children's physical strength and exercise ability in 2002. The results of Tthe survey were released2 showed on October 10 and showed that what children are today is are bigger in physical constitution, but weaker in physical strength than3 those of, compared with what children was 30 years ago when their parents was were a children.

 

コメント

 

1.       単発の調査なら文章に初出なので不定冠詞がよいでしょう。どうやら何年かおきに行う調査のようなので、2000年度調査、とするにはthe 2002 survey of ~とすると、このような調査があり、これはその2000年度の調査なのだな、とわかります。

 

2.       新聞記事が問題の基なので日付が入っています。おまけの情報なので文章の何処に入れるか難しいですね。添削のようにしたらどうでしょう。

 

3.       bigger, weakerとあるので比較級の形、A is bigger than B.にしたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology has conducted a survey for Japanese children's physical strength and exercise ability in 2002. The results of the survey were released on October 10 and showed that children today are bigger in physical constitution but weaker in physical strength than those of 30 years ago when their parents were children.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、8 June 07

 

The Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology executed a survey on body dimension and physical strength of the fiscal year 2002 over the nation on October 10th. According to this survey, the childhood of kids today was bigger than the childhood of 30 years ago in their body dimension but was weaker in their physical strength.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology executed conducted a the 2002 national survey1 on of the body dimensions and physical strength of children the fiscal year 2002 over the nation on October 10th. According to this survey, children the childhood of kids today have2 a was bigger body frame but less than the childhood of 30 years ago in their body dimension but was weaker in their physical strength than those of thirty years ago.

 

コメント

 

1.       何年かおきに定期的に行う調査の2002年度版、という意味でthe 2002 national survey of ~ とすると表現が簡単になります。

 

2.       調査結果は現在でも通用するものなので現在形にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology conducted the 2002 national survey of the body dimensions and physical strength of children on October 10th. According to this survey, children today have a bigger body frame but less physical strength than those of thirty years ago.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Kappa2006, 30 June 06

 

The survey of physical strength and exercise ability of 2002 fiscal year held by the Ministry of Education found that children of today have better body build but poorer physical strength than those of children of thirty years ago which corresponds to their parent generation.

 

添削

 

The 2002 1survey of physical strength and exercise ability of 2002 fiscal year held by the Ministry of Education found that children of today have a better-built body build but poorer physical strength than those of children of thirty years ago which who corresponds to their parents’ generation.

 

1.       2000年度の調査、のようなときは2000年を添削のように入れると簡単になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The 2002 1survey of physical strength and exercise ability held by the Ministry of Education found that children of today have a better-built body but poorer physical strength than those of thirty years ago who correspond to their parents’ generation.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、25 September 04

 

Children of today are better built-up than the children of thirty years ago when their parents were of their age, but they are less powerful than their parents were in term of physical strength. This was revealed on October 10 by a survey conducted by the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology of the physical strength and athletic ability of children in 2002.

 

添削

 

Children of today have larger bodies but less physical strength1 are better built-up than the children of thirty years ago when their parents were of their age., but they are less powerful than their parents were in term of physical strength. This was revealed on October 10 by a survey of the physical strength and athletic ability of children2 conducted by the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology of the physical strength and athletic ability of children in 2002.

 

コメント

1.       「体格」というのが曖昧な言葉ですが、 この文脈ではa larger bodyと具体的に表現すると良いと思います。Larger bodies but less physical strength と並列に並べると文が簡単になります。「体格」にあたる英語にphysique (Someone’s physique is the shape and size of their body.)というものがあります。He is a man of powerful physique.

 

2.       文部科学省の正式名称が長いので添削のように順序を入れ替えたほうが、何の調査かが読者にすぐにわかります(時間差にして1秒以内でしょうが、このほうが脳の反応が気持ちよくなります。)

 

添削後の文章

 

Children of today have larger bodies but less physical strength than the children of thirty years ago when their parents were of their age. This was revealed on October 10 by a survey of the physical strength and athletic ability of children conducted by the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology in 2002.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(NOMU, 8 July 04

 

The Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology conducted a research on physical and athletic abilities of Japanese nationals in 2002 and reported the result on October 10. It shows that children of today are superior in physical size but inferior in physical abilities to children of thirty years ago, who have grown up to be parent generation of today.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology conducted a research on physical and athletic abilities of Japanese nationals children1 in 2002 and reported the results on October 10. It The research2 shows that children of today are superior in physical sizes but inferior in physical abilities to children of thirty years ago, who are the generation of parents of today’s children. have grown up to be parent generation of today.

 

コメント

 

1.       同じ対象をあらわす名詞は文章の中で統一すると良いでしょう。

 

2.       代名詞を使わずに名詞を繰り返すほうが内容が明確になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology conducted a research on physical and athletic abilities of Japanese children in 2002 and reported the results on October 10. The research shows that children of today are superior in physical sizes but inferior in physical abilities to children of thirty years ago, who are the generation of parents of today’s children.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Yuji, 13 Nov 03

 

Children today have larger body frames but less physical capacities than those of thirty years ago. This was a finding of the survey released on October 10 by the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology. The Ministry conducted a survey of physical and exercise capacity of school children in 2002.

 

添削

 

Children today have a larger body frames but less physical capacities capacity than their parents when the parents were at their age1 those of thirty years ago. This was a the finding of the a2 survey released on October 10 by the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology. The Ministry conducted a survey of the3 physical and exercise capacity of school children in 20024.

 

コメント

 

1.       「親の世代にあたる〜」ということの説明をいれました。

 

2.       A the finding of the a survey released on October 10は前の文に既に出てきた内容の説明なのでatheになります。そしてこの調査は文章に初めて出てくるのでaになります。

 

3.       学童の体力」と限定された「体力」なのでtheをいれます。単に体力調査なら、a survey of physical capacityになります。

 

4.       Yujiさんは日本文にははっきりと書いてない「学童の」という説明を加えて内容をはっきりさせています。日本文と英文とは内容の省略の仕方が違うのでこのような説明を補足することが必要です。一般的に言って日本文の内容を英文で表現するときには、すこしくどいほど説明的にするほうが英文の構造に適しています。

 

添削後の文章

 

Children today have a larger body frame but less physical capacity than their parents when the parents were at their age thirty years ago. This was the finding of a survey released on October 10 by the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology. The Ministry conducted a survey of the physical and exercise capacity of school children in 2002.

 

 

練習問題 108

 

コメどころ新潟で「新潟県産コシヒカリ100%」との表示で売られていたコメの約30%に、コシヒカリ以外のコメが混入していたことが、新潟県の検査機関「県央研究所」の調査で10月10日、分かった。

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 18 December 12

 

About 30 percent of rice selling with the sign “100 percent of Koshihikari rice grown in Niigata Prefecture” contained other rices beside Koshihikari in Niigata Prefecture as a major source of rice. According to the report of the survey for source of rices by the Center Institution in Niigata Prefecture on October 10.

 

添削

 

It was found on October 10 that Aabout 30 percent of the1 rice selling with the a sign, “100 percent of Koshihikari rice grown in Niigata Prefecture,” contained other kinds of rices besides Koshihikari in Niigata Prefecture as a major source of rice. According2 to as the results of the report of the a survey for source of rices by the Kenou Research Institute3 Center Institution in Niigata Prefecture on October 10.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       ある特別なriceということで定冠詞を付けます。

 

2.       According to ~ .だけでは文になりません。

 

3.       固有名詞として扱うのがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

 

It was found on October 10 that about 30 percent of the rice selling with a sign, “100 percent  Koshihikari rice grown in Niigata Prefecture,” contained other kinds of rice besides Koshihikari as the results of a survey by Kenou Research Institute in Niigata Prefecture.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Tatsuo, 3 August 11

 

In Niigata, a famous rice production region in Japan, about 30 percent of sold rice, labeled “Koshihikari brand, 100% Niigata origin”, were mixed other brand. “Kenou Kenkyusyo”, one of the inspection institutions of Niigata local government showed their investigation on October 10.

 

添削

 

In Niigata, a famous rice production region in Japan, about 30 percent of rice sold rice, with a labeled “Koshihikari brand, 100% Niigata origin”, was were mixed with other brands of rice. “The Kenou Kenkyusyo”, one of the inspection institutions of the Government of Niigata local government released the results of its showed their investigation on October 10.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

In Niigata, a famous rice production region in Japan, about 30 percent of rice sold with a label “Koshihikari brand, 100% Niigata origin”, was mixed with other brands of rice. “The Kenou Kenkyusyo”, one of the inspection institutions of the Government of Niigata  released the results of its investigation on October 10.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 14 November 09

 

Niigata Prefecture is well known for its rice production. According to a survey released on October 10 by “Kenoh research “, an inspection agency of the prefecture, about 30% of the rice selling in the prefecture labeled as “100% Niigata made Koshihikari” had been fraudulently commingled with other kinds of rice.

 

添削

 

Niigata Prefecture is well known for its rice production. According to a survey released on October 10 by The Kenoh rResearch Institute1, an inspection independent research institute agency of in the prefecture, about 30% of the rice selling sold2 in the prefecture with a labeled as “100% Niigata made Koshihikari produced in Niigata” had been fraudulently commingled mixed with other kinds of rice.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「県央研究所」は「社団法人県央研究所」という名称で常勤職員数57人が主に新潟県からの委託で、「公害防止及び公衆衛生に係る諸問題並びに農産物の品質について、調査及び研究をすることにより、自然と生活環境が調和した環境の保全の改善に寄与すること」の研究に従事しています。それで、「県央研究所」を固有名詞にして、社団法人なのでan independent research institute in the prefectureとしました。

 

2.       the rise sold in the prefecturethe rice that is being sold in the prefectureの意味で、「現在売られている米」です。「すでに売れた米」ではありません。

 

添削後の文章

 

Niigata Prefecture is well known for its rice production. According to a survey released on October 10 by The Kenoh Research Institute, an independent research institute in the prefecture, about 30% of the rice sold in the prefecture with a label “100% Koshihikari produced in Niigata” had been mixed with other kinds of rice.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 26 May 08

 

An investigation by Kenoh Laboratory, the inspection institute in Niigata Prefecture, found that about 30 percent of the Koshihikari brand rice sold in Niigata, which is renowned for its rice production, with the label of the genuine Niigata Koshihikari rice had been mixed with other kinds of rice on October 10.

 

添削

 

An investigation by Kenoh Laboratory, the inspection institute in of Niigata Prefecture, found on October 10 that about 30 percent of the Koshihikari brand rice sold in Niigata was mixed with other kinds of rice., 1Niigata Prefecture which is renowned a major producer of for its rice the production Koshihikari rice which is renowned for its high quality., with the label of the genuine Niigata Koshihikari rice had been mixed with other kinds of rice on October 10.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。文章が長いので二つに分けたほうがよいでしょう。

 

An investigation by Kenoh Laboratory, the inspection institute of Niigata Prefecture, found on October 10 that about 30 percent of the Koshihikari brand rice sold in Niigata was mixed with other kinds of rice. Niigata Prefecture is a major producer of the Koshihikari rice which is renowned for its high quality.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 2 May 08

 

On October 10, the Central Research Institute of Niigata Prefecture which has a faculty of food inspection announced the result of a survey on the rice named Koshihikari made in Niigata Prefecture which is one of the most famous and delicious variety in Japan. The result showed us that about 30 percent of the total distributed rice which had been sold with 100 percent Koshihikari was found to be illegally compounded by the another variety of rice.

 

添削

 

On October 10, the Central Research Institute of Niigata Prefecture which has a faculty of food inspection announced the results2 of a survey on the rice named Koshihikari made produced in Niigata Prefecture. which Koshihikari is one of the most famous and delicious kinds of rice variety in Japan. The results revealed showed us that about 30 percent of the total distributed rice which had been sold as with 100 percent genuine Koshihikari was found to be illegally compounded mixed with other kinds by the another variety of rice.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。細部まで説明がしてありますが、文を短くしたほうが読みやすいでしょう。

 

1.       Research Instituteなので、ここは省略してもわかるでしょう。

 

2.       the results of a surveyと複数形にするのが一般的です。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 10, the Central Research Institute of Niigata Prefecture announced the results of a survey on the rice named Koshihikari produced in Niigata Prefecture. Koshihikari is one of the most famous and delicious kinds of rice in Japan. The results revealed that about 30 percent of the rice sold as 100 percent genuine Koshihikari was illegally mixed with other kinds of rice.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、19 June 07

 

Rice with the indication of "Niigata-grown pure Koshihikari" is being sold in Niigata known as delicious rice. But, the survey by "Kenou research institution " as the inspection agency of Niigata Prefecture showed on October 10 that Koshihikari contained 30% of other rice except Koshihikari.

 

添削

 

Rice with the indication of "Niigata-grown pure Koshihikari" is being sold in Niigata and known for its high quality as delicious rice. However But1, a the survey by "the Kenou rResearch Institute institution " as, the inspection agency of Niigata Prefecture,2 showed on October 10 that this3 Koshihikari contained 30% of other kinds of rice except Koshihikari.

 

コメント

 

1.       前の文と内容のつながりが強いときはbut, 一息置いて「しかしながら」と新しい内容を述べるときはhoweverがよいでしょう。

 

2.       同格のものを並べるときはthe Kenou Research Institute, the inspection agency of Niigata Prefecture,というようにコンマを使います。

 

3.       このパッケージのコシヒカリが問題なのでthisを入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Rice with the indication of "Niigata-grown pure Koshihikari" is sold in Niigata and known for its high quality . However, a survey by the Kenou Research Institute, the inspection agency of Niigata Prefecture, showed on October 10 that this Koshihikari contained 30% of other kinds of rice.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、8 June 07

 

On October 10th, according to a survey by the Kenoh-Labo, an inspection agency of Niigata Prefecture, the rice which consisted of 70% Koshihikari and 30% of other brand was sold as "Niigata Koshihikari 100%" in Niigata known to be one of production center of rice.

 

添削

 

On October 10th, according to a survey1 by the Kenoh-Labo, an inspection agency of Niigata Prefecture, found that the rice which consisteding2 of 70% Koshihikari and 30% of other brand kinds was sold as "100 percent Niigata Koshihikari 100%" in Niigata. Niigata Prefecture is known to be one of major productioners center of rice.

 

コメント

 

1.       a surveyを主語にすると内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       主語を形容する短い修飾節なので動名詞を使うと読みやすくなるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 10th, a survey by the Kenoh-Labo, an inspection agency of Niigata Prefecture, found that the rice consisting of 70% Koshihikari and 30% other kinds was sold as "100 percent Niigata Koshihikari " in Niigata. Niigata Prefecture is known to be one of major producers of rice.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kappa2006, 30 June 06

 

On October 10, the survey of the Laboratory of Central Prefecure , an inspection agency in Niigata Prefecture found that Koshihikari branded ricesold as "100% Koshihikari rice from Niigata" contains aprpoximately 30% of  another kind of rice, while Niigata is famous for rice.

 

添削

 

On October 10, the survey of the Laboratory of Central PrefecurePrefecture , an inspection agency in Niigata Prefecture, found that the Koshihikari branded rice sold as "100% Koshihikari rice from Niigata" containsed1 aprpoximately approximately 30% of another kind of rice, It is such shame because2 while Niigata is famous for rice.

 

コメント

 

1.       foundとの時制に一致で過去形にします。

 

2.       while Niigata is famous for rice. は文章の最後におまけについているので、ここを新しい文にすると良いでしょう。前の文との関連を持つように It is such shameをいれました。このごろの経済事件を見ていると、どうもこのIt is such shame という感覚が薄れてきているようですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 10, the survey of the Laboratory of Central Prefecture , an inspection agency in Niigata Prefecture, found that the Koshihikari brand rice sold as "100% Koshihikari rice from Niigata" contained1  approximately 30% of another kind of rice It is such shame because2 Niigata is famous for rice.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、25 September 04

 

In Niigata Prefecture, which is famous for its abundant production of good rice such as "Koshihikari," about 30 percent of the rice sold under the label "100% Koshihikari Produced in Niigata Prefecture" was mixed with rice other than “Koshihikari.” This was revealed on October 10 by an investigation conducted by "the Central Laboratory," a research laboratory in Niigata.

 

添削

 

In Niigata Prefecture, which is famous for its abundant production of good rice such as "Koshihikari," about 30 percent of the rice sold under the label, "100% Koshihikari Produced in Niigata Prefecture", was mixed with other kinds of rice .rice other than "Koshihikari."1 This was revealed2 on October 10 by an investigation conducted by "the Central Laboratory Kenchu Research Institute3," a research laboratory specialized in the quality of food, in Niigata.

 

コメント

 

1.       こうしたほうが表現が簡単になります。

 

2.       適切なbe revealedの使い方です。

 

3.       新潟県の検査機関「県央研究所」はホームページを見ると、新潟県三条市吉田にある社団法人で、「当研究所は食品の研究・指導を職務としてきた経験を生かして、現場的立場から安全で美味しい食品の製造・販売・消費を目的に昭和50年1月に設立。その後生活環境の変化に伴い業務の依頼も食品のみにとどまらず、水質・臨床などの生活環境全般と広範囲になったため、これらに対応するべく検査機関としての各種登録、指定を受け、県市町村をはじめ業界・団体等多方面からの要求にお応えしています。」だそうです。

 

添削後の文章

 

In Niigata Prefecture, which is famous for its abundant production of good rice such as "Koshihikari," about 30 percent of the rice sold under the label, "100% Koshihikari Produced in Niigata Prefecture", was mixed with other kinds of rice . This was revealed on October 10 by an investigation conducted by " Kenchu Research Institute," a research laboratory specialized in the quality of food, in Niigata.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(さちこ、24 Nov 03

 

Roughly 30 percent of the content of the rice sold in Niigata in the package labeled as “100 percent genuine Niigata Koshihikari” was not Koshihikari at all. On October 10, Kenchu Research Institute, an inspection agency of the Prefecture of Niigata, announced a result of its survey.

 

添削

 

On October 10, the Kenchu Research Institute, an inspection agency for the Prefecture of Niigata1, announced the result of its survey into to contents of rice sold in Niigata2. Roughly 30 percent of the contents of the rice sold in Niigata in the packages labeled as “100 percent genuine Niigata Koshihikari” was not Koshihikari rice at all. On October 10, Kenchu Research Institute, an inspection agency of the Prefecture of Niigata, announced a result of its survey.

 

コメント

 

「新潟県の検査機関、県央研究所」をthe Kenchu Research Institute, an inspection agency for the Prefecture of Niigata, と表現したのが良いですね。このように固有名詞のすぐ後にその説明を加える方法は良く使います。

 

さちこさんは日本文の内容の順序に従って、この文を文章の最後においていますが、文章の一番前に置いたほうが内容が分かりやすくなると思います。

 

添削後の文章

 

On October 10, the Kenchu Research Institute, an inspection agency for the Prefecture of Niigata, announced the result of its survey into to contents of rice sold in Niigata. Roughly 30 percent of the contents of the rice in packages labeled as “100 percent genuine Niigata Koshihikari” was not Koshihikari rice at all

 

 

練習問題 109

 

米航空宇宙局は翼につけた光電池に地上からレーザー光を当てて、模型飛行機を飛ばす実験に成功した。

 

読者からの投稿 13(文月、30 April 16

 

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration had succeeded in the experiment of making a model airplane fly by radiating laser beams from Earth onto photovoltaic cells on the wings.

 

添削

 

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration had has succeeded in the experiment of making a model airplane fly by radiating focusing1 a laser beams from Earth2 onto the photovoltaic cells on the wings of the airplane from the ground.

 

コメント

 

総ての内容が推測できます。

 

1.       Radiate は「中心から放射する」です。レーザービームは一点に集中するのでfocusとします。

 

2.       From Earthとすると人工衛星のような軌道を回るに地球上から、という感じになります。ここではかなり地表に近いところを飛ぶモデル飛行機ですからfrom the groundがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration has succeeded in the experiment of making a model airplane fly by focusing a laser beam onto the photovoltaic cells on the wings of the airplane from the ground.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(Valley winds, 23 December 12

 

NASA succeeded the examination that they radiated laser beams to a photovoltaic battery with wings and flied the model airplane.

 

添削

 

NASA succeeded in the experiment examination that they flew a model airplane by radiateding laser beams to a photovoltaic battery on its with wings and flied the model airplane.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。flew a model airplaneを文の最初のほうに置くと話がよくわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

NASA succeeded in the experiment that they flew a model airplane by radiating laser beams to a photovoltaic battery on its wings .

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Tatsuo, 3 August 11

 

NASA succeeded the experiment that made possible to pilot a model airplane when a laser beam irradiate an installed battery on its wing from the ground.

 

添削

 

NASA succeeded in the experiment that made it possible to pilot fly a model airplane by focusing when a laser beam irradiate at the an photoelectric installed battery on the its wing of the airplane from the ground.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略は推測できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

NASA succeeded in the experiment that made it possible to fly a model airplane by focusing  a laser beam at the photoelectric battery on the wing of the airplane from the ground.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(mxtomi, 14 November 09

 

The United States' National Aeronautics and Space Administration successfully made its experiment of flying an model plane by lasing photoelectric cells attached to its wings from the earth.

 

添削

 

The United States' National Aeronautics and Space Administration of the United States successfully made its experiment of flying an model airplane by beaming a lasing laser light at the photoelectric cells attached to its it’s the airplane’s wings from the earth ground.

 

コメント

 

by lasing photoelectric cells attached to its wings from the earthの意味がわかりません。

 

添削後の文章

 

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration of the United States successfully made its experiment of flying an model airplane by beaming a laser light at the photoelectric cells attached to it’s the airplane’s wings from the ground.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(kk, 27 May 08

 

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) made a success in an experiment of flying a model airplane by shooting a laser beam from the ground at photoelectric cells attached to its wings.

 

添削

 

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) succeeded made a success in an experiment of flying a model airplane by shooting a laser beam from the ground at the photoelectric cells attached to the airplane’s its wings from the ground.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) succeeded in an experiment of flying a model airplane by shooting a laser beam at the photoelectric cells attached to the airplane’s wings from the ground.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 2 May 08

 

NASA succeeded in making a model plane with photoelectric cells on the wings flying by providing the energy with hitting laser beam correctly on the cells.

 

添削

 

NASA succeeded in making flying a model airplane with photoelectric cells on the wings flying by providing the energy with through a hitting laser beam aimed at correctly on the cells.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、by providing the energy with hitting laser beam correctly on the cellsのところに構文の問題があります。providinghittingの二つの動詞の関係がわかりません。by hitting the cells with a laser beamと簡単に表現してもわかるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

NASA succeeded in flying a model airplane with photoelectric cells on the wings by providing energy through a laser beam aimed at the cells.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、19 June 07

 

NASA succeeded in an experiment that had flied a model airplane by hitting a laser beam to optical batteries on its wings from land.

 

添削

 

NASA succeeded in an experiment that had1 flied a model airplane by hitting sending a laser beam to optical solar batteries on its wings from land the ground.

 

コメント

 

1.       ただ一回だけの成功ではなく、これからも可能な実験だという意味で、単に過去形がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

NASA succeeded in an experiment that flied a model airplane by sending a laser beam to solar batteries on its wings from the ground.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、9 June 07

 

Applying a laser to a photocell which equips a model plane with, National Aeronautics and Space Administration succeeded in flying the model plane.

 

添削

 

Applying Sending a laser beam to a photocells on which equips a model plane with, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration of the United States succeeded in flying the model plane1.

 

コメント

 

1.       「光電池に地上からレーザー光を当てて」というところがこの実験の眼目なので、内容の順序を変えて、The National Aeronautics and Space Administration of the United States succeeded in flying a model airplane by sending a laser beam from the ground to photoelectric cells on its wings. とするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Sending a laser beam to photocells on a model plane, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration of the United States succeeded in flying the model plane.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Kappa2006, 30 June 06

 

The US National Air Space Agency suceeded the experiment that a model airplane with photocell in the wing could fly being applied with razer beam from the ground.

 

添削

 

The US National Air Aeronautics and Space Agency suceededsucceeded in the experiment that a model airplane with photocells in on the wing could fly being while receiving applied with1 razer a laser beam from the ground.

 

コメント

 

1.       being applied with a laser beam という表現がわかりにくいですね。while (it is) receiving a laser beam whileを入れるとわかりやすい構造にになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The US National Aeronautics and Space Agency succeeded in the experiment that a model airplane with photocells on the wing could fly while receiving 1 a laser beam from the ground.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(tama, 10 January 06

 

NASA (National Aeronautics and Space Administration) succeeded a experiment which is that they radiated laser light onto photoelectric cells mounted on its wings and had model airplane flown.

 

添削

 

NASA (National Aeronautics and Space Administration) succeeded in an experiment in which is that1 they radiated laser light from the ground2 onto the photoelectric cells mounted on its the wings of and had a model airplane3 and flown flew it in the air4.

 

コメント

 

1.       an experiment which is that ~an experiment in which ~とすると簡潔になります。

 

2.       「地上から」とあるのでfrom the groundを入れます。

 

3.       the photoelectric cells mounted on the wings of a model airplaneの冠詞の種類は模型飛行機は文章に初めて出てくるので不定冠詞、翼と光電池はこの特定の模型飛行機のものなので定冠詞になります。

 

4.       模型飛行機ですから空を飛ぶのは当たり前ですが、ここでは地上からレーザー光で光電池にエネルギーを送り、このエネルギーで実際に模型飛行機が空を飛んだ、ということを明確にするためにin the airを入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

NASA (National Aeronautics and Space Administration) succeeded in an experiment in which they radiated laser light from the ground to the photoelectric cells mounted on the wings of a model airplane and flew it in the air.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、29 September 04

 

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration in the U.S. has succeeded in carrying out an experiment to fly a model airplane by radiating laser beams from the earth to a photoelectric cell that is attached to one of the wings of the plane.

 

添削

 

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration in the U.S. has succeeded in carrying out an experiment to fly a model airplane by radiating shooting a laser beams1 from the earth to a photoelectric cells2 that is are attached to one of the wings of the plane.

 

コメント

 

わかりやすい構成の英文です。A has succeeded in carrying out B. という主要部分を上手に修飾しています。説明のための修飾句、節が日本文と英文では文の中の位置が逆になることがよくわかります。

 

1.       Radiateというと、コタツから熱が周囲一般に広がる、というように周囲の広い範囲に放射することを意味するので、レーザー光線のように細いものを照射するにはshoot a laser beamとするほうが適切です。

 

2.       Cellはいくつか同様なものがつながって何かを構成しているときの一つの要素を指します。光電池はこのセルをたくさんつなげて使うのが一般的なので複数がいいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration in the U.S. has succeeded in carrying out an experiment to fly a model airplane by shooting a laser beam from the earth to photoelectric cells that are attached to one of the wings of the plane.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(えり、24 Nov 03

 

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration of the United States succeeded in an experiment to fly a model airplane that could fly by receiving a laser beam from the ground to the photoelectric cells on its wings.

 

添削

 

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration of the United States1 succeeded in an experiment to fly a model airplane that could fly2 by receiving sending3 a laser beam from the ground to the4 photoelectric cells on its wings.

 

コメント

 

1.       「航空宇宙局」は通常はNASAと省略して表現しますが、文章で最初に出てくるときは、えりさんのように正式名が使うのが良いと思います。

 

2.       文のすぐ前にto fly a model airplaneとあるので、ここは省略します。しかしこの省略で分の主語がthe airplaneからNASA に変わります。

 

3.       主語がNASAに変わったのでreceivingではなくてsendingになります。

 

4.       特定のものではなく「光電池」という材料を使ったということなのでtheを省きます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration of the United States succeeded in an experiment to fly a model airplane by sending a laser beam from the ground to photoelectric cells on its wings.

 

 

練習問題 110

 

地球温暖化が予測されているペースで進むと、2060年ごろに日本のリンゴとミカンの主産地が軒並み栽培に適さない地域になることが、農林水産省系独立行政法人の研究でわかった。

 

読者からの投稿 11(文月、28 August 16

 

According to a study by an incorporated administrative agency associated with the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries of Japan, if the global warming progressed at the predicted pace, every major producing district of apples or mandarin oranges in Japan would have become places unfit for growing them by around 2060.

 

添削

 

According to a study by an incorporated administrative agency associated with the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries of Japan, if the global warming progressedes1 at the currently predicted pace, every major producing district of apples and or mandarin oranges in Japan will would have become places unfit for growing them by around 2060.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       実際に起きる可能性があるのでprogressesにします。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to a study by an incorporated administrative agency associated with the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries of Japan, if the global warming progresses at the currently predicted pace, every major producing district of apples and mandarin oranges in Japan will become unfit for growing them by around 2060.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(BURU, 27 December 15

 

An Independent Administrative agency under Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries researched that the districts where an apple or an orange product in Japan will not suit the cultivation by 2060 if the global warming has been preceding the estimated speed.

 

添削

 

An iIndependent Aadministrative agency1 of the under Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries conducted researched and concluded that the districts where an apples or an oranges were2 currently produced product in Japan would will not suit the cultivation by 2060 if the global warming would proceed has been preceding at the estimated speed.

 

コメント

 

the districts where an apple or an orange product in Japanglobal warming has been precedingが分かり難いですが、文章全体の内容は推測できます。

 

1.       普通名詞でよいでしょう。

 

2.       主文の動詞が過去形ですから(conducted research)、時制の一致で過去形になります。この英語の時間感覚はなかなか身につきません。

 

添削後の文章

 

An independent administrative agency of the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries conducted research and concluded that the districts where apples or oranges were currently produced in Japan would not suit the cultivation by 2060 if global warming would proceed  at the estimated speed.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Valley winds, 23 December 12

 

If global warming proceed for the predicted pace, almost Japanese major source of apple and orange would become unsuitable for planting them on around 2060. According to a report of the survey by a independent civil corporation of the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries.

 

添削

 

If global warming proceeds with for the predicted pace, almost all of Japanese’s major areas source of apple and orange production will would become unsuitable for growing planting them by on around 2060. This was the finding of According1 to a report of the survey by an independent civil corporation affiliated with of the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries.

 

コメント

 

内容の大体がわかりますが、unsuitable for planting themとすると、新しくリンゴとミカンの木を植えるのに適さない、となり日本文の意味と異なります。

 

1.       According to ~は句ですが文ではありませんから、注意してください。

 

添削後の文章

 

If global warming proceeds with the predicted pace, almost all of Japan’s major areas of apple and orange production will become unsuitable for growing them by around 2060. This was the finding of a report by an independent civil corporation affiliated with the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 14 November 09

 

A research by an independent administrative institution under the control of the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries revealed that at the currently forecast rate of the global warming, the main areas of apple and mandarin orange production in Japan would turn into the areas unsuited for growing them by around 2060.

 

添削

 

A research by an independent administrative institution under the control of the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries revealed that at the currently forecast rate pace1 of the global warming, the main production areas of apples and mandarin oranges production in Japan would will2 be turn into the areas unsuited for growing them by around 2060.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       a rateは意味の広い言葉なので、進行速度を表現するa paceがよいでしょう。

 

2.       「もし現在のスピードで温暖化が進めば、〜になる」で、可能性のある未来ですから、willがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A research by an independent administrative institution under the control of the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries revealed that at the currently forecast pace of global warming, the main production areas of apples and mandarin oranges in Japan will be  unsuited for growing them by around 2060.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 28 May 08

 

A research by the independent administrative institute under the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries showed that if the global warming was going on at the estimated pace, the farm lands which produce mainly apples or mandarin oranges now in Japan would be no more suitable for those cultivation by about 2060.

 

添削

 

A research by the an independent administrative institute under the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries found showed that if the global warming would proceed was going on at the estimated pace, the major areas of farm lands which produce mainly apples or and  mandarin oranges production now in Japan would no longer be no more suitable for apple and orange production those cultivation by about 2060.

 

コメント

 

内容のほぼ総てがわかりますがthe farm lands which produce mainly apples or mandarin orangesは(他の作物ではなくて)主にリンゴとミカンを生産している農地、の意味になりますから、主産地の意味には添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A research by an independent administrative institute under the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries found that if global warming would proceed at the estimated pace, the major areas of apple and mandarin orange production in Japan would no longer be  suitable for apple and orange production by about 2060.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 7 May 08

 

An independent administrative agency of the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries found in a study that arable lands for apples and mandarine oranges now in Japan will get unable to produce them in 2060 if the Green House Effect will promote as fast as forecasted.

 

添削

 

An independent administrative agency of the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries found in by a its recent study that the current fields arable lands for growing apples and mandarine mandarin oranges now in Japan will get be unable to produce them by in 2060 if the Green House Effect will promote proceeds as fast as presently forecasted.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、promoteがわかりません(多分proceedだろうと推測できますが)。

 

添削後の文章

 

An independent administrative agency of the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries found by its recent study that the current fields for growing apples and mandarin oranges in Japan will be unable to produce them by 2060 if the Green House Effect proceeds as fast as presently forecasted.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、19 June 07

 

The research by an independent administrative legal entity under the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries showed as follows. If global warming increases at the prospective pace, the main producing district of apples and oranges in Japan will change to where they aren't suitable for growing around 2060.

 

添削

 

The research by an independent administrative agency legal entity under the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries showed found the following: as follows. If global warming increases at the prospective pace of the current forecast1, the main producing districts of apples and oranges production in Japan will change to where they aren't not be suitable2 for growing apples and oranges by around 2060.

 

コメント

 

1.       「予測されているペースで」は曖昧な表現ですが、at the pace of the current forecastとするとよいでしょう。

2.       日本文の表現にこだわらずに意味を取ってA will not be suitable for ~と表現するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The research by an independent administrative agency under the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries found the following: If global warming increases at the pace of the current forecast, the main districts of apple and orange production in Japan will not be suitable for growing apples and oranges by around 2060.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(散歩人、9 June 07

 

A study on global warming by independent administrative agency of the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries of Japan showed that main producing districts of apples and oranges in Japan will not be suitable for their cultivation in middle of 2060, if global warming increases as predicted.

 

添削

 

A study on global warming by an independent administrative agency of the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries of Japan showed found that the main producing districts of apples and oranges production in Japan will1 not be suitable for their cultivation by in middle of 2060, if global warming increases as predicted.

 

コメント

 

1.       報告の内容はかなりの確実性のある未来のことがらなので、will not be suitableでよいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

A study on global warming by an independent administrative agency of the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries of Japan found that the main producing districts of apple and orange production in Japan will not be suitable for their cultivation by 2060 if global warming increases as predicted.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kappa2006, 30 June 06

 

The research by the independent governmental body of the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries found that every production area of apple and orange in Japan would become unsuitalbe for production by around 2060 in case the global warming went foward in the forecast speed.

 

添削

 

The research by the an independent governmental body of the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries found that every production area of apples and oranges in Japan would become unsuitalbeunsuitable for production by around 2060 in case the global warming went would go1 fowardforward in at the forecasted speed.

 

コメント

 

1.       十分に実現の可能性のあることがらなので would go forward と時制を一致しました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The research by an independent governmental body of the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries found that every production area of apples and oranges in Japan would become unsuitable for production by around 2060 in case the global warming would go forward at the forecasted speed.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、29 September 04

 

If global warming continues to develop at the estimated pace, the main areas of production for apples and oranges in Japan will unexceptionally change into the regions not suitable for growing such fruits by about 2060. This was the result of a research done by an independent administrative corporation affiliated with the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries of Japan.

 

添削

 

If global warming continues to develop1 at the estimated pace, the main areas of production for apples and oranges in Japan will unexceptionally change into the regions not be2 suitable for growing such fruits by about 2060. This was is3 the result of a research done by an independent administrative corporation affiliated with the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries of Japan.

 

コメント

 

1.       global warmingには、地球が暖かくなりつつある、という意味が含まれているので、ここではto developは省略できます。

 

2.       このような簡単な表現のほうが内容がわかりやすいでしょう。

 

3.       過去の調査ですが、結果は現在も有効なので、ここでは現在形が良いでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration in the U.S. has succeeded in carrying out an experiment to fly a model airplane by shooting a laser beam from the earth to photoelectric cells that are attached to one of the wings of the plane.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Sue, 5 Dec 03

 

An independent administrative agency affiliated with the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries found that if global warming would continue at the predicted pace, the major areas of apple and orange production in Japan would not be able to grow apples and oranges sometime around 2060.

 

添削

 

An independent administrative agency1 affiliated with the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries found that if global warming would continues2 at the its predicted pace, the major areas of apple and orange production in Japan would not be able to grow apples and oranges some time around 2060.

 

コメント

 

「〜が農林水産省系独立行政法人の研究でわかった」をSueさんは「農林水産省系独立行政法人が〜を見つけた。」と能動態で表現しています。このような直截な言い方のほうが読者に分かりやすいです。

 

現在予測されているペースなので、実際そのようになる可能性が高いのでcontinuesでよいとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

An independent administrative agency affiliated with the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries found that if global warming continues at its predicted pace, the major areas of apple and orange production in Japan would not be able to grow apples and oranges some time around 2060.