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初級練習問題の添削 91−100

 

初級問題 91(7 Oct 03) (7 Sep 04) (25 Jan 05) (2 Oct 05) (15 March 07) (30 May 07)

(7 Apr 08) (1 May 08) (2 Nov 09) (25 Dec 10) (19 Aug 11) (25 Nov 12)

(4 Nov 15)

初級問題 92(3 Oct 03) (7 Sept 04) (2 Oct 05) (15 March 07) (30 May 07) (8 Apr 08)

              (2 May 08) (2 Nov 09) (17 Aug 11) (25 Nov 12) (20 Apr 16)

初級問題 93(8 Oct 03) (8 Sept 04) (2 Oct 05) (15 March 07) (31 May 07) (10 Apr 08)

              (2 May 08) (2 Nov 09) (17 Aug 11) (25 Nov 12) (5 Jan 16)

初級問題 94(3 Oct 03) (8 Sept 04) (2 Oct 05) (15 March 07) (31 May 07) (10 Apr 08)

              (4 May 08) (2 Nov 09) (17 Aug 11) (10 Dec 15)

初級問題 95(7 Oct 03) (9 Sept 04) (2 Oct 05) (15 March 07) (1 June 07) (12 Apr 08)

              (11 May 08) (2 Nov 09) (15 Aug 11) (19 Aug 11) (6 Jan 16)

初級問題 96(17 Oct 03) (9 Sept 04) (3 Oct 05) (5 April 07) (1 June 07) (12 Apr 08)

              (11 May 08) (7 Nov 09) (19 Aug 11) (13 Feb 16)

初級問題 97(8 Oct 03) (10 Sept 04) (3 Oct 05) (5 April 07) (2 June 07) (12 May 08)

       (7 Nov 09) (13 July 11) (20 Aug 11) (2 Apr 16)

初級問題 98(17 Oct 03) (10 Sept 04) (3 Oct 05) (5 April 07) (2 June 07) (16 Apr 08)

              (13 May 08) (7 Nov 09) (13 July 11) (20 Aug 11) (20 June 12) (15 Apr16)

初級問題 99(18 Oct 03) (11 Sept 04) (3 Oct 05) (5 April 07) (4 June 07) (18 Apr 08)

              (18 May 08) (7 Nov 09) (13 July 11) (20 Aug 11) (9 Dec 12) (20 Apr 16)

初級問題 100(18 Oct 03) (11 Sept 04) (3 Oct 05) (5 April 07) (4 June 07) (18 Apr 08)

                (18 May 08) (7 Nov 09) (10 July 11) (20 Aug 11) (10 Dec 12) (13 Feb 16)

 

初級問題 91

 

青森県は台風14号の影響で9月13日夜から14日早朝にかけて暴風に見舞わ津軽地方で収穫前のリンゴが落下したり枝が折れたりする被害が出た。

 

読者からの投稿 13(文月、4 November 15

 

From the evening of September 13 to the early morning of September 14, Aomori Prefecture was hit by a windstorm under the influence of the 14th typhoon of the year. In Tsugaru Area, apple orchards before harvesting were damaged, where apples dropped to the ground and branches of apple trees were broken.

 

添削

 

From the evening of September 13 to the early morning of September 14, Aomori Prefecture was hit by a windstorm by under the influence of the 14th typhoon of the year. In the Tsugaru Aarea, apple orchards before harvesting were damaged before harvesting apples:, where apples were1 dropped to the ground and the branches of apple trees were broken.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       ここは「リンゴが(風に)落とされた」と受動態がよいでしょう。またはこの文全体の主語を嵐にして、The storm damaged apple orchards, dropping apples and breaking the branches of apple trees.とします。

 

添削後の文章

 

From the evening of September 13 to the early morning of September 14, Aomori Prefecture was hit by a windstorm by the 14th typhoon of the year. In the Tsugaru area, apple orchards  were damaged before harvesting apples: apples were dropped to the ground and the branches of apple trees were broken.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(Valley winds, 25 November 12

 

They suffered the storm as an influence of typhoon No.4 from the night of September 13 to the early morning of September 14 in Aomori Prefecture. There were damage that full-grown apples fell from trees and branches of apple trees snapped at Tsugaru area.

 

添削

 

They1 suffered tThe storm by as an influence of typhoon No.4 from the night of September 13 to the early morning of September 14 damaged apple growers in the Tsugaru district of Aomori Prefecture. There were damage that fFull-grown apples fell from trees and the branches of apple trees snapped at Tsugaru area.

 

コメント

 

文章の構成はよくありませんが、内容はわかります。

 

1.       代名詞を文章の初めにおいては、誰のことかわかりません。日本文の内容を考えて、英文の構成を日本文の構成にとらわれずに考えるとよいでしょう。ここではthe stormを主語にすると文が簡単になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The storm by typhoon No.4 from the night of September 13 to the early morning of September 14 damaged apple growers in the Tsugaru district of Aomori Prefecture. Full-grown apples fell from trees and the branches of apple trees snapped.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(Kalo, 19 August 11

 

Typhoon No.14 hit Aomori Prefecture through the night of September 13 to the early morning of September 14 and caused severe damage to apple farmers in the Tsugaru region. The powerful winds dropped their apples before harvesting and broke down the branches in their apple orchards.

 

添削

 

Typhoon No.14 hit Aomori Prefecture through the night of September 13 to the early morning of September 14 and caused severe damage to apple farmers in the Tsugaru region. The powerful winds dropped their apples before harvesting and broke down the branches in their apple orchards.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Tatsuo, 25 December 10

 

Typhoon No.14 passed over Aomori Prefecture from September 13 night to 14 early morning. Tugaru district, especially, encountered a heavy storm. The storm caused damage as the apples dropped off just before a harvest and its branches broke off. 

 

添削

 

Typhoon No.14 passed over Aomori Prefecture during the period from night of September 13 night to 14 the early morning of September 14. The typhoon1 brought a strong storm to the Tsugaru district, especially, encountered a heavy storm. The storm and caused heavy damage to apple farms as the storm blew off a lot of apples and broke branches dropped off just before their a harvest season and its branches broke off. 

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てが推測できます。

 

1.       台風を文章全体の主語として統一すると、内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

Typhoon No.14 passed over Aomori Prefecture during the period from night of September 13 to the early morning of September 14. The typhoon brought a strong storm to the Tsugaru district and caused heavy damage to apple farms as the storm blew off a lot of apples and broke branches just before their harvest season . 

 

読者からの投稿 9(mxtomi, 2 November 09

 

Typhoon #14 hit Aomori Prefecture from the night of September 13 through the early morning of September 14. Its stormy wind blew off many apples and broke apple trees, causing damages to the farmers in Tsugaru district.

 

添削

 

Typhoon #14 hit Aomori Prefecture from the late evening1 night of September 13 through the early morning of September 14. Its stormy winds blew off many apples and broke apple trees, causing damages to the farmers in the Tsugaru district.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

nightには二つの用法があります。Collins COBUILDは次のように説明しています。

The night is the part of each day when the sun has set and it is dark outside, especially the time when people are sleeping. The fighting started in the afternoon and continued all night.

 

1.       The night is the period of time between the end of the afternoon and the time that you go to bed, especially the time when you relax before going to bed. I took her to dinner last night.

 

確かに用法をみるとこのように違う意味で使われてます。この問題では夜のは拠る全体でなく夜のある時間を言っているはずなのですが、日本文は曖昧です。from the night of September 13 through the early morning of September 14とするとthe nightの範囲が広すぎるので添削のようにしてみました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Typhoon #14 hit Aomori Prefecture from the late evening of September 13 through the early morning of September 14. Its stormy winds blew off many apples and broke apple trees, causing damages to the farmers in the Tsugaru district.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(kk, 1 May 08

 

The Typhoon No.14 hit Aomori Prefecture from the night of September 13th through the early morning of 14th. Turbulent winds had shook off a lot of apples before reaping and broken away apple boughs and brought a disaster in the Tsugaru region.

 

添削

 

The Typhoon No.14 hit Aomori Prefecture from the night of September 13th through the early morning of 14th. Turbulent Strong winds had shook off a lot of apples waiting for harvesting1 before reaping and broken down away apple boughs and brought a disaster to apple growers in the Tsugaru region.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       waiting for harvestingとすると、隠れた主体がリンゴ農家になり、最終行のapple growersと関連してわかりやすくなるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Typhoon No.14 hit Aomori Prefecture from the night of September 13th through the early morning of 14th. Strong winds shook off a lot of apples waiting for harvesting and broke down apple boughs and brought a disaster to apple growers in the Tsugaru region.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 7 April 08

 

A stormy wind caused by the typhoon No.14 hit Aomori Prefecture from the night on September 13 to the early morning of the next day. Many preharvest apples were fallen down and the branches were broken by the wind in Tsugaru District.

 

添削

 

A stormy wind caused by the tTyphoon No.14 hit Aomori Prefecture from the night on September 13 to the early morning of the next following day. In the Tsugaru region1, Mmany pre-harvest apples were fallen down and the branches were broken by the wind in Tsugaru District.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       短い文では場所は文の後半に来るのが普通ですが、この文は長いので先ず何処でを文頭に持ってきたほうが内容全体がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A stormy wind caused by Typhoon No.14 hit Aomori Prefecture from the night on September 13 to the early morning of the following day. In the Tsugaru region, many pre-harvest apples were fallen and the branches were broken by the wind.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(散歩人、30 May 07

 

Aomori Prefecture was seriously damaged by the typhoon no.18 from the evening September 13th to the morning of 14th. In the Tsugaru region, preharvest apples were dropped and the branch of these was broken by the typhoon.

 

添削

 

Aomori Prefecture was seriously damaged by the tTyphoon nNo.184 from the evening of September 13th to the morning of 14th. In the Tsugaru region, pre-harvest1 apples were dropped and the branches of apple trees were these was broken by the typhoon.

 

コメント

 

1.       preharvestは辞書に無い造成後ですね。pre-harvestと二つの単語の合成であることを示すとよいでしょう。「収穫前のリンゴが落下」は考えて見るとおかしいですね。収穫すれば木に実ってはいないですから、apples were droppedでもよいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Aomori Prefecture was seriously damaged by Typhoon No.14 from the evening of September 13th to the morning of 14th. In the Tsugaru region, pre-harvest apples were dropped and the branches of apple trees were  broken by the typhoon.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、15 March 07

 

A strong wind blew in Aomori Prefecture by influence of the typhoon No.14 from the night of September 13 to the early morning of September 14. The storm had caused serious damage to Tsugaru district. Many apples before harvesting fell down and many branches of apple trees were broken.

 

添削

 

A storm brought by Typhoon No. 14 whipped through strong wind blew in1 Aomori Prefecture by influence of the typhoon No.14 from the night of September 13 to the early morning of September 14. The storm had caused serious damage to in the Tsugaru district. Many young2 apples before harvesting fell down and many branches of apple trees were broken.

 

コメント

 

1.       次の文のthe stormと合致させるためにa stormとしました。a strong winda stormは似たようなものですが、文章の中で同一のものを指すときは同一の言葉を使ったほうが読みやすくなります。

 

2.       まだ木に実っているリンゴなので「収穫前」のものですね。「未熟のリンゴ」young applesとするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A storm brought by Typhoon No. 14 whipped through Aomori Prefecture from the night of September 13 to the early morning of September 14. The storm had caused serious damage in the Tsugaru district. Many young apples fell down and many branches of apple trees were broken.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 2 October 05

 

A storm caused by typhoon No.14 caught Aomori Prefecture from the evening of September 13 to the early morning of 14. Because of the storm, apple fields in Tsuruga area were damaged to apples falling or branches braking.

 

添削

 

A storm caused by typhoon No.14 caught Aomori Prefecture from the evening of September 13 thirteenth to the early morning of 14fourteenth1. The storm2 caused major damage to apple farms in the Because of the storm, apple fields in Tsuruga Tsugaru area by blowing down apples and breaking apple trees were damaged to apples falling or branches braking.

 

1.       the early morning of 14と書くと、14の数字が目立って格好が悪いのでthe early morning of fourteenthとすると良いでしょう。また、これと会わせて、September thirteenthとします。

 

2.       the stormを主語にすると、文の構造が簡単になります。Because of the storm, apple fields were damaged. とすると、暴風と被害の関係が間接的になります。例えばBecause of the storm, apple fields were damaged by strong winds.

 

添削後の文章

 

A storm caused by typhoon No.14 caught Aomori Prefecture from the evening of September thirteenth to the early morning of fourteenth. The storm caused major damage to apple farms in the Tsugaru area by blowing down apples and breaking apple trees.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、25 January 05

 

The stormy wind affected by typhoon No.14 hit areas of Aomori Prefecture from Sep.13th to 14th in the morning. Especially, it damaged apples before harvesting in Tsugaru area seriously ; most of them were fallen and their branches were broken.

 

添削

 

The stormy wind affected by tTyphoon No.14 hit a wide areas of Aomori Prefecture from the evening of September.13th to the morning of 14th in the morning, causing a ;large amount of damage.. Especially1, it the storm2 damaged apples farms3 before harvesting in the Tsugaru area seriously, felling apples and breaking branches4.  ; most of them were fallen and their branches were broken.

 

コメント

 

1.       especiallyは「ほかのものと較べて特に」という意味ですから、文の中で「他のもの」が読者にすぐわかるか、または明示的にを入れておく必要があります。causing a large amount of damageと入れておきました。「(暴風は)多大の被害を起こしたが、特に〜」というようになります。

 

2.       短い文章ですが代名詞ではなくてthe stormと繰り返したほうが意味がはっきりします。

 

3.       細かいようですが暴風はリンゴ自体を損傷もしたでしょうが、リンゴ農家に損害をもたらした、とするほうが文の後の枝が折れた、と対応するのでよいでしょう。

 

4.       the stormが主語なのでこのようにすると文が簡潔になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The stormy wind by Typhoon No.14 hit a wide area of Aomori Prefecture from the evening of September13th to the morning of 14th , causing a ;large amount of damage. Especially, the storm damaged apple farms in the Tsugaru area seriously, felling apples and breaking branches.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、7 September 04

 

Aomori Prefecture was hit by a storm caused by Typhoon No. 14 from late in the evening on September 13th till early in the morning on the 14th and in the Tsugaru region, the storm caused damages such as the falling of unharvested apples and the breaking of branches of apple trees.

 

添削

 

Aomori Prefecture was hit by a storm caused by Typhoon No. 14 from late in the evening on September 13th till early in the morning on the 14th. and iIn the Tsugaru region1, the storm caused damages to apple farms2 by such as the fealling of un-harvested apples and the breaking of the branches of apple trees.

 

コメント

 

1.       文が長いので、ここで切るとよいでしょう。

 

2.       誰に被害をもたらした入れたほうが内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Aomori Prefecture was hit by a storm caused by Typhoon No. 14 from late in the evening on September 13th till early in the morning on the 14th. In the Tsugaru region, the storm caused damages to apple farms by felling un-harvested apples and breaking the branches of apple trees.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Kyoko, 7 Oct 03

 

A strong storm was brought to Aomori Prefecture by Typhoon Number 14 from the night of September 13 to the early morning of September 14. The storm caused a damage to the apple orchards in the Tsugaru region, breaking branches and felling apples.

 

添削

 

Typhoon Number 14 brought1 A a strong storm was brought to Aomori Prefecture by Typhoon Number 14 from the night of September 13 to the early morning of September 14. The storm caused a damage to the apple orchards in the Tsugaru region, breaking branches and felling apples2.

 

コメント

 

1.       台風14号を主語にすると文が簡単になり、主役がはっきりします。

 

2.       「被害が出た」をKyokoさんは暴風を主語にして「暴風が果樹園に被害を与えた」という文型にして内容を明確にしています。日本文ではしばしば主語は読者の推察にまかせた文型を使いますが、英文では常に「主役が〜をする」という文型になります。「英語で考える」ことのエッセンスは日本文の内容を「主役が〜をする」という文型に置き換えることです。

 

添削後の文章

 

Typhoon Number 14 brought a strong storm to Aomori Prefecture by from the night of September 13 to the early morning of September 14. The storm caused damage to the apple orchards in the Tsugaru region, breaking branches and felling apples.

 

 

初級問題 92

 

青森県十和田町は9月13日と14日に試験的に奥入瀬渓谷へのマイカー乗り入れ規制をおこなった。渓流沿いの環境保護と渋滞解消を目的にしたが、観光客におおむね好評であった。

 

読者からの投稿 11(文月、20 April 16

 

On September 13 and 14, Towada-machi in Aomori Prefecture controlled the entry of private cars to the Oirase Gorse area on a trial basis. The purpose of this trial was to protect environment along the gorge and to relieve traffic congestion, which got generally positive reaction from visitors.

 

添削

 

On September 13 and 14, Towada Town -machi in Aomori Prefecture controlled the entry of private cars into the Oirase Gorse area on a trial basis. The purpose of this trial was to protect the environment along the gorge and to relieve traffic congestion and received, which got generally positive responses reaction from visitors.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On September 13 and 14, Towada Town in Aomori Prefecture controlled the entry of private cars into the Oirase Gorse area on a trial basis. The purpose of this trial was to protect the environment along the gorge and to relieve traffic congestion and received generally positive responses from visitors.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 25 November 12

 

The authority of Towada Town at Aomori Prefecture restrained turning into Oirase valley of private cars as a test on September 13 and 14. The aim was protection of environment along the mountain stream and prevention of a traffic jam and many tourist had favorable reviews.

 

添削

 

The authority of Towada Town at in Aomori Prefecture restrained the traffic of private cars going turning into the Oirase vValley of private cars as a test on September 13 and 14. The aim was to protection of the environment along the mountain stream and to prevention of a traffic jam. and mMany tourists had favorable reviews of the restraint.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The authority of Towada Town in Aomori Prefecture restrained the traffic of private cars going into the Oirase Valley on September 13 and 14. The aim was to protect the environment along the mountain stream and to prevent a traffic jam. Many tourists had favorable reviews of the restraint.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Kalo, 17 August 11

 

On September 13 and 14, Towada-Cho, Aomori Prefecture, conducted a pilot program to limit the number of cars into the Oirase mountain stream. The program was aimed to preserve the surrounding environment and ease the traffic congestion, which was generally appreciated by tourists.

 

添削

 

On September 13 and 14, Towada-Cho, in Aomori Prefecture, conducted a pilot program to limit the number of cars driving into the Oirase Valley highway1 mountain stream. The program was aimed to preserve the surrounding environment and ease the traffic congestion, and 2, which was generally appreciated by tourists.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。

 

1.       道路への車の乗り入れ規制なのでhighway を入れるとわかりやすくなるでしょう。

 

2.       並列文にしたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On September 13 and 14, Towada-Cho in Aomori Prefecture, conducted a pilot program to limit the number of cars driving into the Oirase Valley highway. The program was aimed to preserve the environment and ease the traffic congestion, and was generally appreciated by tourists.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 2 November 09

 

The Government of Towada Town in Aomori Prefecture limited private car’s traffic into the Oirase Valley as trial on September 13 and 14. Tourists were generally favorable to this traffic control aimed at protecting environment as well as easing traffic jams along the valley.

 

添削

 

The Government of Towada Town in Aomori Prefecture experimentally limited prohibited1 private car’s access traffic into the Oirase Valley as trial on September 13 and 14. Tourists were generally favorable to this traffic control aimed at protecting the environment as well as easing traffic jams along the valley.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       この「乗り入れ規制」は実際は「乗り入れ禁止」だとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Government of Towada Town in Aomori Prefecture experimentally prohibited private car’s access into the Oirase Valley on September 13 and 14. Tourists were generally favorable to this traffic control aimed at protecting the environment as well as easing traffic jams along the valley.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 2 May 08

 

The town of Towada in Aomori Prefecture tentatively regulated visitors' cars of entering into the Oirase Valley on September 13th and 14th to protect the environment and alleviate the traffic congestion along the mountain streams. As it turned out, the regulation was favorable to the visitors on the whole.

 

添削

 

The town of Towada in Aomori Prefecture tentatively regulated private visitors' cars of entering into the Oirase Valley on September 13th and 14th to protect the environment and alleviate the traffic congestion on the road along the mountain streams. As it turned out, the regulation was favorabley received by to the visitors on the whole.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、the regulation was favorable to the visitorsは「規制は訪問者に好意的であった(都合が良かった)、となり、日本文の内容と違ってきます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The town of Towada in Aomori Prefecture tentatively regulated private cars’ entering into Oirase Valley on September 13th and 14th to protect the environment and alleviate the traffic congestion on the road along the mountain stream. As it turned out, the regulation was favorably received by the visitors on the whole.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 8 April 08

 

Private cars were regulated to get into Oirase Valley on trial by the Towada Town Government in Aomori Prefecture on September 13 and 14. This regulation aimed at preserving the environment along the valley and resolving heavy traffic jam by tourists. Most of the tourists were for this trial.

 

添削

 

Private cars were regulated restricted to get drive into Oirase Valley on trial by the Towada Town Government in Aomori Prefecture on September 13 and 14 on trial1. This regulation restriction was2 aimed at preserving the environment along the valley and resolving a heavy traffic jam by tourists. Most of the tourists were for this trial restriction.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       規制を行った青森県十和田町を主語にしたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       It aims for preserving ~, It is aimed at preserving for ~のどちらも使いますが、受動態のほうが適当だとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Private cars were restricted to drive into Oirase Valley by the Towada Town Government in Aomori Prefecture on September 13 and 14 on trial. This restriction was aimed at preserving the environment along the valley and resolving a heavy traffic jam by tourists. Most tourists were for this restriction.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、30 May 07

 

Towada Cho in Aomori Prefecture controlled on trial the entry of private cars to the Okuirise Valley at September 13th and 14th. The end of regulation was to keep the environment and to solve the traffic congestion and this regulation made mainly a favourable impression on visitors.

 

添削

 

The Town of Towada Cho in Aomori Prefecture controlled on trial the entry of private cars into the Okuirise Oirase Valley at on September 13th and 14th. The end purpose of the control1 regulation was to keep protect the environment and to solve eliminate2 the traffic congestion in the valley. and tThis control regulation made mainly generally a favourable impression on visitors.

 

コメント

 

1.       既に文章の中でcontrolled the entry ~を使っているので、ここでもcontrolがよいでしょう。

 

2.       solve a problem /questionなのでsolve the traffic congestion problem in the valleyとなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Town of Towada in Aomori Prefecture controlled on trial the entry of private cars into Oirase Valley on September 13th and 14th. The purpose of the control was to protect the environment and to eliminate traffic congestion in the valley. This control made generally a favourable impression on visitors.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、15 March 07

 

On September 13 and 14, Towada Town in Aomori Prefecture restricted on trial that people drove their own cars onto the Okuirie Valley. The town aimed at the protection of environment and the settlement of traffic jams, but it basically proved to be a good reputation among sightseers.

 

添削

 

On September 13 and 14, Towada Town in Aomori Prefecture restricted banned access of private automobiles to the Oirase Valley1 on trial that people drove their own cars onto the Okuirie Valley. By this means2, Tthe town aimed for at the protectionng3 of environment and easing the settlement of traffic jams in the valley., but it The ban basically proved to be popular a good reputation among sightseers.

 

コメント

 

1.       「マイカー乗り入れ規制」の内容が日本文ではっきりしないのですが、マイカーの乗り入れ禁止ならば添削のようになります。マイカーの数を制限するならrestrictが使えます。restrictはある制限を設けることですから、制限する対象が必要で、restricted the number of private automobiles going into the Oirase Valleyというようになります。

 

2.       前の文との続きをよくするためにこのような句があるとよいでしょう。

 

3.       名詞形より動名詞のほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On September 13 and 14, Towada Town in Aomori Prefecture banned access of private automobiles to the Oirase Valley on trial. By this means, the town aimed for protecting  environment and easing traffic jams in the valley. The ban basically proved to be popular  among sightseers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 2 October 05

 

On September 13 and 14, Towada City, Aomori Prefecture conducted trial control on private cars entering into valley Okuirise. The control aimed the protection of environment and solving traffic jam along the valley and it was basically well received by the tourists.

 

添削

 

On September 13 and 14, Towada City, Aomori Prefecture, conducted a trial control on private cars entering into valley Okuirise the Oirase Valley. The control aimed for the protection of environment and solving for the solution1 to a traffic jam along the valley. and itThe traffic control2 was basically well received by the tourists.

 

コメント

 

1.       The control aims for the protection of environment and (for) the solution to a traffic jam.と両方とも名詞にします。次のようにも形をそろえられます。The control was aimed at protecting environment and solving a traffic jam.

 

2.       ここで文を新しくして、主語を繰り返すとわかりやすくなるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On September 13 and 14, Towada City, Aomori Prefecture, conducted a trial control on private cars entering into the Oirase Valley. The control aimed for the protection of environment and for the solution to a traffic jam along the valley. The traffic control was basically well received by tourists.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、7 September 04

 

Towada-Machi, Aomori Prefecture restricted on September 13 and 14 on a trial basis passenger cars coming into the Oirase Valley. The purpose of the restriction was to protect the environment along the valley and to reduce the heavy traffic, which was generally accepted by tourists.

 

添削

 

Towada-Machi The Town of Towada1, in Aomori Prefecture restricted the access of2 passenger cars into the Oirase Valley on September 13 and 14 on a trial basis passenger cars coming into the Oirase Valley. The purpose of the restriction The restriction was intended to protect the environment along the valley and to reduce the heavy traffic, which and3 was generally accepted favorably by tourists.

 

コメント

 

1.       Towada-machiは場所の名称としては良いでしょうが、十和田町役場の意味には The Town of Towadaとします。

 

2.       Restrict AAは制限する対象の性質ですから、restricted the access of passenger cars into the Oirase Valleyとします。乗り入れは全面規制のようですが、台数を制限するのであれば、restricted the number of passenger cars going into the Oirase Valleyになります。

 

3.       関係代名詞を使うとthe purpose of the restrictionとだいぶ距離があり、そのあいだにいろいろな名詞があるので、どれを指すのか不明確になります。主語を変えてandでつなげるのが良いでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Town of Towada in Aomori Prefecture restricted the access of passenger cars into the Oirase Valley on September 13 and 14 on a trial basis. The restriction was intended to protect the environment along the valley and to reduce the heavy traffic and was generally accepted favorably by tourists.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Ohya, 3 Oct 03

 

On September 13th and 14th, the City of Towada in Aomori Prefecture banned automobiles in Oirase Valley. The purpose of the ban was to protect the environment and eliminate traffic congestion in the valley but was generally received favorably by tourists.

 

添削

 

On September 13th and 14th, the City of Towada in Aomori Prefecture tried an experimental ban banned of passenger1 automobiles in Oirase Valley. The purpose of the ban was to protect the environment and eliminate traffic congestion in the valley but and2 was generally received favorably by tourists.

 

コメント

 

1.       試験的に乗用車の乗り入れ規制を行ったので添削のようにしました。

 

2.       「渋滞解消を目的にした」の助詞「が」は文脈から考えるとbutよりandのほうが適当です。

 

添削後の文章

 

On September 13th and 14th, the City of Towada in Aomori Prefecture tried an experimental ban of passenger automobiles in Oirase Valley. The purpose of the ban was to protect the environment and eliminate traffic congestion in the valley and was generally received favorably by tourists.

 

 

初級問題 93

 

9月13日、14日に仙台市の街角を舞台にしたストリートジャズフェスティバルには二日間で9万人の観客があった。フェスティバルには宮城県内のバンド290組が参加した。

 

読者からの投稿 11(文月、5 January 16

 

From September 13 to 14, a street jazz festival took place on street corners in Sendai City and gathered a total of ninety thousand visitors in two days. Two hundred and ninety bands in Miyagi Prefecture participated in the festival.

 

添削

 

From On September 13 to and 141, a street jazz festival took place on the street corners2 in Sendai City and gathered a total of ninety thousand visitors in two days. Two hundred and ninety bands in Miyagi Prefecture participated in the festival.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       二日間のでon September 13 and 14としたほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       ここでは「街角」は「街で、路上で」という意味なのでon the streetがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On September 13 and 14, a street jazz festival took place on the street in Sendai City and gathered a total of ninety thousand visitors in two days. Two hundred and ninety bands in Miyagi Prefecture participated in the festival.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 25 November 12

 

There were ninety million audiences for two days at the street jazz festival, which were held at square in Sendai City, on September 13 and 14. Two hundred groups of music band in Miyagi Prefecture participated in this festival.

 

添削

 

There were ninety million thousand audiences people over for two days at the street jazz festival, which was were held on the streets at square in Sendai City, on September 13 and 14. Two hundred groups of music bands in Miyagi Prefecture participated in this festival.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかりますが、仙台の街角の一つat a squareに9千万人の観客 ninety million peopleが集まったとはものすごいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

There were ninety thousand people over two days at the street jazz festival which was  held on the streets in Sendai City, on September 13 and 14. Two hundred music bands in Miyagi Prefecture participated in this festival.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Kalo, 17 August 11

 

On September 13 and 14, a street jazz festival was held in Sendai City. During the two days, a total of 90,000 people came to see the festival with 290 bands based in the prefecture playing their tunes.

 

添削

 

On September 13 and 14, a street jazz festival was held in Sendai City. During the two days of the festival, a total of 90,000 people came to see the festival where with 290 bands based in the prefecture playinged1 their tunes.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       一般的に分詞構文より平常文のほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On September 13 and 14, a street jazz festival was held in Sendai City. During the two days of the festival, a total of 90,000 people came to see the festival where 290 bands based in the prefecture playied their tunes.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 2 November 09

 

A street jazz festival held on a street corner of Sendai City attracted an audience of ninety thousand people over the two days from September 13 through 14. As many as 290 musical bands joined the festival from throughout Miyagi Prefecture.

 

添削

 

A street jazz festival was held at on a street corners of Sendai City on September 13 and 14 and attracted an audience of ninety thousand people over the two days from September 13 through 141. As many as 290 musical bands joined the festival from throughout Miyagi Prefecture.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       添削のように二つの文をandでつなげたほうが読みやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A street jazz festival was held at street corners of Sendai City on September 13 and 14 and attracted ninety thousand people. As many as 290 music bands joined the festival from throughout Miyagi Prefecture.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 2 May 08

 

A street jazz festival was staged at the street corner in Sendai City on September 13th and 14th and attracted the total of ninety thousand audience for two days. Two hundred and ninety bands from all over Miyagi Prefecture performed at the festival.

 

添削

 

A street jazz festival was staged at the street corners in Sendai City on September 13th and 14th and attracted the total of ninety thousand audience for over the two days. Two hundred and ninety bands from all over Miyagi Prefecture performed at the festival.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。over the two daysとすると13日と14日の二日間で、ということがはっきりします。A street jazz festival was stagedという表現がわかりやすいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

A street jazz festival was staged at the street corners in Sendai City on September 13th and 14th and attracted the total of ninety thousand audience over the two days. Two hundred and ninety bands from all over Miyagi Prefecture performed at the festival.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 10 April 08

 

About 90,000 people joined in the street jazz festival at Sendai City on September 13 and 14.  The total amount of 290 jazz bands from various places in Miyagi Prefecture played at the festival.

 

添削

 

About 90,000 people attended1 joined in the street jazz festival at in Sendai City on September 13 and 14.  The total amount number of 290 jazz bands from various places in Miyagi Prefecture played at the festival.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。日本文は「9万人の観客があった」ですが、英文ではdunkelさんのように「9万人の観客が〜した」という表現がわかりやすいですね。

 

attendedにすると9万人は観客でバンドのメンバーを含まない、ということがわかります。 joinedでは両者を含むかもしれません。

 

添削後の文章

 

About 90,000 people attended the street jazz festival in Sendai City on September 13 and 14. The total number of 290 jazz bands from various places in Miyagi Prefecture played at the festival.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、31 May 07

 

A total of 90,000 audiences attended the street jazz festival which was held at a street corner in Sendai City on September 13th and 14th. 290 parties of bands in Miyagi Prefecture appeared in the festival.

 

添削

 

A total of 90,000 audiences1 attended a the street jazz festival which was held at a street corner in Sendai City on September 13th and 14th. 290 Two hundred and ninety2 jazz parties of bands in Miyagi Prefecture appeared at in the festival.

 

コメント

 

1.       audienceは集合名詞なので複数になりません。

 

2.       数字が文頭に来るときは添削のようにすると読みやすくなります。数字には大文字が無いので何処から文が始まるかわかり難くなる、というのがこの理由です。

 

添削後の文章

 

A total of 90,000 audience1 attended a street jazz festival which was held at a street corner in Sendai City on September 13th and 14th. Two hundred and ninety jazz bands in Miyagi Prefecture appeared at the festival.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、15 March 07

 

On September 13 and 14, Ninety thousand of audiences gathered at the street jazz festival that used a street corner in Sendai City as a stage. Two hundred ninety of bands in Miyagi Prefecture attended the festival.

 

添削

 

On September 13 and 14, Nninety thousand of audiences1 gathered at the a street jazz festival that used a street corner in Sendai City as a the2 stage. Two hundred ninety of bands in from Miyagi Prefecture attended played3 at the festival.

 

コメント

 

1.       audienceは集合名詞なので単数で使います。

 

2.       文章で初めて出てきますが、この文にa street cornerと出てくるので、そこで、という意味で定冠詞をつけます。

 

3.       「バンド290組が参加した」とありますが、内容からplayedがよいでしょう。それにしてもすごい数ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

On September 13 and 14, ninety thousand audience gathered at a street jazz festival that used a street corner in Sendai City as the stage. Two hundred ninety bands from Miyagi Prefecture played at the festival.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 2 October 05

 

On September 13 and 14, the Street Jazz Festival set in the streets of Sendai City was held. During the two days, the festival had an audience of 90,000 and a participation of 290 bands in the prefecture of Miyagi.

 

添削

 

On September 13 and 14, the Street Jazz Festival set in the streets of Sendai City was held in the streets of Sendai City.1 During these two days, the festival had an audience of 90,000 and a the participation of 290 bands in from the pPrefecture of Miyagi.

 

コメント

 

1.       日本文の内容を整理してここで文を切ったのがよいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

On September 13 and 14, the Street Jazz Festival was held in the streets of Sendai City. During these two days, the festival had an audience of 90,000 and the participation of 290 bands from the Prefecture of Miyagi.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、8 September 04

 

There was a turnout of 90,000 people at the street jazz festival held at a street corner in Sendai City for two days on September 13 and 14. A total of 290 jazz bands in Miyagi Prefecture participated in the festival.

 

添削

 

There was a turnout of 90,000 people1 at the street jazz festival held at a street corner in Sendai City for two days on September 13 and 14. A total of2 290 jazz bands in Miyagi Prefecture participated in the festival.

 

コメント

 

1.       「9万人の観客があった。」を強調して文章の始に置き、a turnout ofといれて、単にThere were 90,000 people at ~とするより文に動きを加えています。

 

2.       ここでも、単に290 jazz bands とするよりA total of 290 jazz bandsとするほうんが文が読みやすいですね。プレイン・イングリッシュでは余計な字句は省略する、が原則の一つですが、a total of ~ のような句は日本文では隠れていますが、英文では必要なものです。

 

添削後の文章

 

添削箇所はありません。

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Sue, 8 Oct 03

 

On September 13th and 14th, a jazz festival was held on the street in downtown Sendai1. Over the two days, 290 jazz bands from Miyagi Prefecture played in the festival and 90,000 people came to listen to them2.

 

添削

 

添削するところはありません。

 

コメント

 

1.       Sueさんは日本文の内容を整理して英文で再構築しています。日本文では「仙台市の街角を舞台にしたストリートジャズフェスティバルには〜」というように文を続けていきますが、英文ではSueさんのように「ジャズフェスティバルが仙台市の街角で行われた」として、ここでいったん文を切るとわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       Sueさんは日本文の構造にとらわれずに内容をわかりやすく表現しています。

 

 

初級問題 94

 

厚生労働省と文部科学省の検討会議が相次いで、薬剤師を養成するための薬学教育期間について、現行の4年から6年に延長することを盛った中間報告をまとめた。

 

読者からの投稿 10(文月, 10 December 15

 

A series of interim reports was prepared by review meetings of Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare and the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology, which included propositions to extend the length of pharmacist's education from current four years to six years.

 

添削

 

A series of interim reports on pharmaceutical education was prepared by the Rreview Committee meetings of Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare and the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology, which included a recommendation propositions to extend the length of pharmacist's education from the current four years to six years.

 

コメント

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       文の最初のほうで、どのような報告書なのか記述するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A series of interim reports on pharmaceutical education was prepared by the Review Committee of Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare and the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology, which included a recommendation to extend the length of pharmacists’ education from the current four years to six years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Kalo, 17 August 11

 

The Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare and the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Sports respectively announced their interim report on curriculum reform for training pharmacists. Both reports recommended that the training period should be extended from the current four years to six years.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare and the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Sports respectively announced their interim report on curriculum reform for training pharmacists. Both reports recommended that the training period should be extended from the current four years to six years.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 2 Nov 09

 

The Program Review Committee of the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare and of the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology issued their respective interim report on the training period for prospective pharmacists one after another. Both of them unanimously recommendeds that the period be extended to 6 years from the current 4 years.

 

添削

 

The Program Review Committee of both the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare and of the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology issued their respective interim report on the training period for prospective pharmacists one after another. Both of them unanimously recommends that the training period be extended to 6 years from the current 4 years to 6 years.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Program Review Committee of both the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare and the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology issued their respective interim report on the training period for prospective pharmacists one after another. Both of them unanimously recommended that the training period be extended from the current 4 years to 6 years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 4 May 08

 

Each review session by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare and by the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology concluded their interim report in succession including the proposition that the training term at college for professional pharmacists should be extended from the current four years to six years.

 

添削

 

Each The program review session committee of by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare and by the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology concluded released their own interim report in succession on the training period for pharmacists and recommended including the proposition that the training period term at college for professional pharmacists at college should be extended from the current four years to six years.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかりますが、文の前半で何についての中間報告かを入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The program review committee of the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare and by the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology released their own interim report in succession on the training period for pharmacists and recommended that the training period for pharmacists at college should be extended from the current four years to six years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 10 April 08

 

Review meetings of the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare and the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology compiled an interim report in succession about the educational period for training pharmacists. They said that they planned to extend the period from 4 years at present to 6 years.

 

添削

 

The Program Review Committee meetings of the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare and the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology compiled released an its own interim report in succession about the educational period for training pharmacists. They Both of them recommend said that the educational period should be they planned to extended the period from the current 4 years at present to 6 years.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかりますが、薬学教育は厚生労働省と文部科学省の共同管理という印象になります。添削のようにすると、薬学教育の管理者はわかりませんが、教育期間に注意が向きます。

 

1.       「中間報告をまとめた」という言い方が新聞によく出てきますが、まとめただけではなく発表したのでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Program Review Committee of the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare and the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology released its own interim report in succession about the educational period for training pharmacists. Both of them recommend that the educational period should be extended from the current 4 years to 6 years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、31 May 07

 

Each review meeting of MHLW and MEXT gave a series of interim reports which suggested that the course term of department of pharmacy would be extended from current four years to six years.

 

MHLWHealth, Labour and Welfare Ministry and Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science

MEXTMinistry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology

 

添削

 

Each review meeting of MHLW and MEXT1 separately released their own gave a series of interim reports on education reform for pharmacists2. Both reports proposed which suggested that the training period for pharmacists course term of department of pharmacy would should be extended from current four years to six years.

 

Notes:

MHLWHealth, Labour and Welfare Ministry and Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science

MEXTMinistry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology

 

コメント

 

1.       日本の官庁の名前は長いですね。このような短い文では特に目立ちます。長い文章や報告書では散歩人さんのように略記を使い、その説明は文章の始めに書いておくのも一つの方法です。この練習問題は一回きりの文章なので、長いのを我慢して正式名を文章の中に書いておくよりしょうがないでしょう。

 

2.       文章の始めに何のための中間報告かを書くとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

MHLW and MEXT separately released their own interim report on education reform for pharmacists. Both reports proposed that the training period for pharmacists should be extended from current four years to six years.

 

Notes:

MHLWHealth, Labour and Welfare Ministry and Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science

MEXTMinistry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、15 March 07

 

The meetings by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare and the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology reviewed the length of pharmacy education to train drugmakers. The meetings consistently created interim reports that postpone the pharmacy curriculum from the existing 4 years to 6 years.

 

添削

 

The meetings1 by the The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare and the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology independently reviewed the length of pharmacy education to train drugmakers pharmacists. The meetings Both ministries wrote an consistently created interim reports that consistently recommended2 that postpone the pharmacy curriculum should be extended3 from the existing current 4 years to 6 years.

 

コメント

 

1.       「厚生労働省と文部科学省の検討会議」とあるので、The program review committees of ~としてもよいでしょうが、ここでは単にthe Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare and the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technologyとするだけでよいでしょう。

 

2.       an interim report that extends the pharmacy curriculum from the current four years to six years.でも内容はわかりますが、添削のようにan interim report that recommends that ~ またはan interim report with a recommendation that ~とすると内容がはっきりするでしょう。

 

3.       postponeI postponed a plan to visit Japan until next year.のように延期することですから、延長はextendにします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare and the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology independently reviewed the length of pharmacy education to train  pharmacists. Both ministries wrote an interim report that consistently recommended that  the pharmacy curriculum should be extended from the current 4 years to 6 years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 2 October 05

 

Review meetings respectively organized by the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare and the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology made and announced interim reports one after another. Each report concluded to extend medical education term to train pharmacist from current 4years to 6years.

 

添削

 

Two program review committees1, Review meetings respectively organized respectively by the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare and the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology made and announced an interim reports one after another2. Each report concluded recommended to extend medical the length of education term to train pharmacists from the current 4 years to 6 years.

 

コメント

 

1.       「検討会議」は日本文の内容から判断して a program review committeeとするとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       announced an interim report one after another. はone after another とあるのでan interim reportと単数にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Two program review committees, organized respectively by the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare and the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology announced an interim report one after another. Each report recommended to extend the length of education to train pharmacists from the current 4 years to 6 years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、8 September 04

 

The review meetings of the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare, and the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology compiled one after another an interim report to the effect that the existing term for the pharmaceutical education for training pharmacists should be elongated from four to six years.

 

添削

 

The review meetings of the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare, and the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology compiled1 prepared one after another an interim report one after another to the effect recommending that the existing term period of for the pharmaceutical education for training pharmacists2 should be elongated extended from the current four years to six years.

 

コメント

 

1.       compileはいろいろな資料から報告書をまとめる、というようなときに使います。ここでは会議の討論の結果でしょうから、単にpreparedでよいでしょう。

 

2.       簡単にthe period of pharmaceutical educationで良いでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The review meetings of the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare, and the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology prepared an interim report one after another recommending that the period of pharmaceutical education should be extended from the current four years to six years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Emy, 3 Oct 03

 

The Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare and the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology1 separately announced separately its their own interim report on the education reform for pharmacists. Both reports proposed2 to extend education from the current four years to six years.

 

添削

 

Emyさんは日本文の内容を二つの英文に分けて内容をわかりやすくしています。

 

1.       英語の正式名称はこんなに長いものですが、これを使うよりしょうがないですね。文章の中に何回も出てくるときにはThe Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare (MHLW), the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology (MECSST)として使います。

 

2.       日本文では「現行の4年から6年に延長することを盛った」とあるので他にも改革案が中間報告に入っているのでしょうが、この文脈ではEmyさんのようにしてよいと思います。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare and the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology separately announced their own interim report on education reform for pharmacists. Both reports proposed to extend education from the current four years to six years.

 

 

初級問題 95

 

わが国を代表する大手メーカーの工場で9月始に事故が相次ぎ、日本の製造業の効率生産の基盤が以外にもろいことを露呈した。

 

読者からの投稿 11(文月、6 January 16

 

In early September, there was a succession of accidents in factories of major manufacturers to represent Japan, which revealed a surprising brittleness in the efficient production base of Japanese manufacturing industry.

 

添削

 

In early September, there was a succession of accidents in factories of major manufacturers to that represent Japan., which These accidents revealed a surprising brittleness weakness1 in the efficient production base of Japanese manufacturing industry.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

Brittleness には脆さ、不安定なこと、変わりやすいこと、などの意味があります。ここではもっと一般的なweaknessがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

In early September, there was a succession of accidents in factories of major manufacturers that represent Japan. These accidents revealed a surprising weakness in the efficient production base of Japanese manufacturing industry.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Kalo, 19 August 11

 

In early September, a series of accidents occurred at the factories of Japan’s leading manufacturers. These accidents have revealed that their production system for improving efficiency is unexpectedly fragile.

 

添削

 

In early September, a series of accidents occurred at the factories of Japan’s leading manufacturers. These accidents have revealed that their the base of production system of Japan’s efficient manufacturing industries for improving efficiency1 is unexpectedly fragile.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容は総てわかりますが、添削部分が日本文の内容を十分に伝えていません。

 

1.       日本の製造業の効率の良さは世界によく知られているが、実はその基盤は意外に脆弱であった、ということが文章の眼目です。

 

添削後の文章

 

In early September, a series of accidents occurred at the factories of Japan’s leading manufacturers. These accidents have revealed that the base of production system of Japan’s efficient manufacturing industries is unexpectedly fragile.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Tatsuo, 15 August 11

 

There were accidents one after another at the major maker’s factory of a Japanese representative company in the beginning of September. The accidents revealed the poor fundamentals of an effective production of Japanese manufacture.

 

添削

 

There were industrial1 accidents one after another at the major maker’s factoryies of a major2 Japanese representative manufacturing companyies in the beginning of September. The accidents revealed the poor fundamentals of the an effective production system of Japanese manufacturers.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       日本文には単に事故とありますが、このような補足説明を入れるとわかりやすくなるでしょう。

 

2.       日本文は「わが国を代表する大手メーカー」となっていますが、representative majorはこの文章では同じような意味になるのでmajorだけでよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

There were industrial accidents one after another at the factories of major Japanese  manufacturing companies in the beginning of September. The accidents revealed the poor fundamentals of the effective production system of Japanese manufacturers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 2 November 09

 

A series of incidents that occurred early September in the plants of Japan’s leading manufacturers revealed that the foundation underpinning the high production efficiency of Japanese manufacturing industry was not so firm as we had long believed.

 

添削

 

A series of incidents accidents that occurred early September in the plants of Japan’s leading manufacturers revealed that the industrial foundation underpinning the high production efficiency of Japanese manufacturing industryies was not so firm as we had long believed.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A series of accidents that occurred early September in the plants of Japan’s leading manufacturers revealed that the industrial foundation underpinning the high production efficiency of Japanese manufacturing industries was not so firm as we had long believed.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 11 May 08

 

Series of accidents had happened one after another at the factories of the Japanese leading manufacturing companies in early September. It revealed that the infrastructure of efficient production in Japanese manufacturing industry was unexpectedly fragile.

 

添削

 

A Sseries of accidents had happened one after another at the factories of the Japan s ese leading manufacturing companies in early September. It This revealed that the infrastructure of efficient production of in Japanese manufacturing industry was unexpectedly fragile.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A series of accidents had happened one after another at the factories of Japan’s leading manufacturing companies in early September. This revealed that the infrastructure of efficient production of Japanese manufacturing industry was unexpectedly fragile.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 12 April 08

 

One of the famous manufacturer in Japan got severe accidents respectively at their factory on the beginning of this September. This fact showed us that the basement of the efficient production for Japanese manufacturer was unexpectedly weak.

 

添削

 

One of the famous manufacturer in Japan got severe Industrial accidents happened one after another at the factories of major Japanese manufacturing companies respectively at their factory on the beginning of this in early September. This fact showed us that the basement foundation of the efficient production for of the Japanese manufacturering industry was unexpectedly weak.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、日本文の内容と異なるとおもいます。「事故が相次ぎ」は私の記憶では幾つかの製造業の工場で事故が相次いだ、ことだとおもいます。またthe basementは地下室です。the foundationは土台ですが、抽象的に基礎という意味にも使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

Industrial accidents happened one after another at the factories of major Japanese manufacturing companies in early September. This showed us that the foundation of the efficient production of the Japanese manufacturing industry was unexpectedly weak.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、1 June 07

 

The factories of the representative companies of Japan had a series of accidents at the beginning of September. These accidents showed that the technical basis of domestic manufacturing was more fragile than we thought.

 

添削

 

The factories of leading the representative1 companies of Japan had a series of accidents in early at the beginning of2 September. These accidents showed that the technical basis of domestic manufacturing industry was more fragile than we had3 thought.

 

コメント

 

1.       representative典型的なより、leading(日本経済を)引っ張っている、がよいでしょう。

 

2.       in the beginning of September 九月に入って直ぐに、in early September九月の初めの頃に、で後者の方が範囲が広くなります。実際はどちらかわかりません。

 

3.       showedの指す過去の時点より前までは、の意味で過去完了形になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The factories of leading companies of Japan had a series of accidents in early September. These accidents showed that the technical basis of domestic manufacturing industry was more fragile than we had thought.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、15 March 07

 

Factories of major manufacturers representing our country had accidents one after another in early September. It was exposed that manufacturers in Japan unexpectedly had a fragile base in efficient production.

 

添削

 

Factories of major manufacturers representing our country had accidents one after another in early September. It These accidents1 was exposed that the efficient production system2 of Japanese manufacturers in Japan unexpectedly had have3 an unexpectedly fragile base in efficient production.

 

コメント

 

1.       ここはThese accidentsを主語にして直接的に表現すると前の文との続きがよくなります。

 

2.       「日本の製造業の効率生産の基盤」は日本の製造業はその効率の良さで世界で有名なので、当然その製造過程は確固としたものと考えられてきたが、おっとどっこい、これらの事故で製造過程は意外にもろい基礎を持っていたことがわかってしまった。という意味でしょう。

 

3.       現在でもこういう状態が続いているので現在形で表現します。

 

添削後の文章

 

Factories of major manufacturers representing our country had accidents one after another in early September. These accidents exposed that the efficient production system of Japanese manufacturers have an unexpectedly fragile base.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 2 October 05

 

Factories of major manufactures that represent Japan caused accidents one after another at the beginning of September. The accidents exposed that the foundation of efficient production by Japanese manufacturing industry was less strong than expected.

 

添削

 

Factories of representing major manufactures that represent in Japan caused had accidents one after another at the beginning of in early1 September. The accidents exposed a fact2 that the foundation of the efficient production system3 by of Japanese manufacturing industry was less strong not as strong as4 than expected.

 

コメント

 

1.       at the beginning of Septemberとすると、9月1,2,3日というようにごく短い期間になります。in early Septemberはもう少し長い9月の第一週くらいの感じになります。日本文の内容は多分後者を指しているのでしょう。

 

2.       that節が長いのでThe accidents exposed a fact that ~としたほうが読みやすくなります。

 

3.       the efficient production systemとすると具体的になります。

 

4.       「以外にもろい」は was not as strong as expected, was weaker than expectedと表現できますが、「しっかりしていたと考えれていたが、実際はそれほどしっかりしていなかった」という意味で前者がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Factories representing major manufactures in Japan had accidents one after another in early September. The accidents exposed a fact that the foundation of the efficient production system of Japanese manufacturing industry was not as strong as expected.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、9 September 04

 

There was a succession of accidents at a factory of one of the leading manufactures in Japan in early September. This revealed that the manufacturing industry in Japan stands on an unexpectedly fragile foundation for effective production.

 

添削

 

There was a succession of accidents at a several1 factoriesy of one of the leading manufactures in Japan in early September. This revealed that the manufacturing industry in Japan stands on an unexpectedly fragile foundation2 for effective production.

 

コメント

 

1.       確か数社の工場で事故があったとおもいます。

 

2.       「日本の製造業の効率生産の基盤が意外にもろい。」を日本の製造業を主語にして「なるほどね。こうするとわかりやすい」とうならせる表現をしています。私は経済のコンサルタントをしているので、ちょっと内容の注釈をします。日本経済の強さは製造業の生産過程の効率性にある、と言われてきました。しかし、どうもこれがあやしくなってきた、というという背景があります。このことを説明的に入れるとすると、こんな風になるでしょう。This revealed that the manufacturing industry in Japan, long believed to be one of the most modern and efficient one in the world, actually stands on an unexpectedly fragile foundation.

 

添削後の文章

 

There was a succession of accidents at several factories of leading manufactures in Japan in early September. This revealed that the manufacturing industry in Japan stands on an unexpectedly fragile foundation for effective production.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(さちこ、7 Oct 03

 

In early September, several industrial accidents happened1 at the plants of Japan’s leading manufacturing companies. This has revealed that the fragile base of Japan’s efficient industrial system is unexpectedly fragile2.

 

添削

 

1.       さちこさんは「事故が相次ぎ」をseveral industrial accidents happened と内容をとって英文で表現しています。Industrial accidents happened one after anotherと表現することも出来ます。日本語で考えたことを英語で表現するときは、日本語の特別な言い方にこだわらずに内容を考えて自分で知っている英語表現を使うことが大切です。

 

2.       「(皆が思っていたよりも)以外にもろい」を強調するために添削のようにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

In early September, several industrial accidents happened at the plants of Japan’s leading manufacturing companies. This has revealed that the base of Japan’s efficient industrial system is unexpectedly fragile.

 

 

初級問題 96

 

鳴門市は市内全18小学校への教育用コンピューターの追加配置を終了。コンピューター教室で児童一人に一台のパソコン配備を、県内の自治体では初めて実現させた。

 

読者からの投稿 10(文月、13 February 16

 

Naruto City finished additional distributing computers for education to all of the 18 primary schools in the city. The city became the first municipality in Tokushima Prefecture to have deployed one computer unit per person in computer rooms.

 

添削

 

Naruto City finished additional distributing additional computers for education to all of its the 18 primary schools in the city. Now1 Tthe city has become became the first municipality in Tokushima Prefecture to have deployed one computer unit per person in the computer rooms of all its primary schools2.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       おまけですが、こうすると文に続き具合がよくなります。

 

2.       内容の繰り返しですが、こうすると内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Naruto City finished distributing additional computers for education to all of its 18 primary schools in the city. Now the city has become the first municipality in Tokushima Prefecture to have deployed one computer per person in the computer rooms of all its primary schools.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Kalo, 19 August 11

 

Naruto City has completed an additional installment of personal computers at all of its 18 elementary schools. The city has become the first municipality in Tokushima Prefecture to realize that one computer is available for each student in the computer classroom.

 

添削

 

Naruto City has completed an additional installment of personal computers at all of its 18 elementary schools. Now Tthe city has become the first municipality in Tokushima Prefecture to realize that one computer is available for each student in the computer classroom.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Naruto City has completed an additional installment of personal computers at all of its 18 elementary schools. Now the city has become the first municipality in Tokushima Prefecture to realize that one computer is available for each student in the computer classroom.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 7 November 09

 

The City of Naruto has completed an installation of additional personal computers at all of its 18 primary schools in the city, becoming the first municipality in Tokushima Prefecture that attained the “one computer per child” deployment in the computer room at a primary school.

 

添削

 

The City of Naruto has completed an installation of additional personal computers at all of its 18 primary schools in the city, and1 becominge the first municipality in Tokushima Prefecture that attained the “one computer per child” deployment in the computer room at a primary school.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       分詞構文は主文を説明する従属節によく使いますが、ここでは従属というより時間の経過を追って二つのことが起きた、とするほうが読みやすいでしょう。and (has) becomeとしたほうが文に力があるとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The City of Naruto has completed an installation of additional personal computers at all of its 18 primary schools in the city and become the first municipality in Tokushima Prefecture that attained the “one computer per child” deployment in the computer room at a primary school.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 11 May 08

 

The City of Naruto has installed supplementary computers for learning into all of eighteen elementary schools in the city. This is the first realization in the prefecture to enable every student in class to use a computer for themselves.

 

添削

 

The City of Naruto has installed supplementary computers for learning into at all of its eighteen elementary schools in the city. This is the first realization municipality in the prefecture to that has enable every student in the computer class to use a his own computer for themselves1.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       全校児童に一台ずつではなく、コンピュータ教室でコンピュータの授業をするときは、それぞれの生徒が一台ずつのコンピュータを使える、ということですから、添削のようにしたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The City of Naruto has installed supplementary computers for learning at all of its eighteen elementary schools in the city. This is the first municipality in the prefecture that has enabled every student in the computer class to use his own computer.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 12 April 08

 

The Government of Naruto City finished distributing additional PCs to all 18 elementary schools in the City. Now, each elementary school has more than one PCs per students who attended in their computer class. Naruto City is the first local government in the Prefecture which completed the policy.

 

添削

 

The Government of Naruto City has finished distributing additional PCs to all 18 elementary schools in the Ccity. Now, each elementary school has more than one PCs per students who attendeds1 in their its computer class. Naruto City is the first local government in the Pprefecture which has completed the this policy.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       has completedと対応してattendsと現在形にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Government of Naruto City has finished distributing additional PCs to all 18 elementary schools in the city. Now, each elementary school has one PC per student who attends its computer class. Naruto City is the first local government in the prefecture which has completed this policy.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、1 June 07

 

Naruto City had completely equipped computers for education with all 18 elementary schools in the city. It was the first time in Tokushima Prefecture for a local government to offer computers for each students.

 

添削

 

Naruto City had completely equipped computers for education with all 18 elementary schools in the city with computers for education1. It This2 was the first time in Tokushima Prefecture for a local government to offer a computers for each students in the computer room3.

 

コメント

 

1.       equip a person or thing with somethingという形になります。

 

2.       前の文の内容を指すのでThisにします。

 

3.       ひとクラスの生徒がコンピュータ室に行ってコンピュータを使うときに、全部の生徒にゆきわたる数のコンピュータがある、ということでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Naruto City had completely equipped all 18 elementary schools in the city with computers for education. This was the first time in Tokushima Prefecture for a local government to offer a computer for each student in the computer room.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、5 April 07

 

Naruto City has established additional computers for education to all 18 primary schools in the city. This enabled every students to use one computer in computer rooms. The city realized the matter for the first time in local governments in the prefecture.

 

添削

 

Naruto City has established completed distributing additional computers for education to all 18 primary schools in the city. This enableds every students to use one computer in a computer rooms1. The city Naruto City2 is the first to have realized this the matter for the first time in among local governments in the prefecture.

 

コメント

 

1.       県内の小学校全体ではたくさんコンピュータルームがありますが、この例のような場合はそのうちに一つで代表します。

 

2.       鳴門市を繰り返して強調するとよいでしょう。for the first time in local governmentsとすると、「いままでも努力していたが実現せず、鳴門市が初めて成功した」という感じになります。鳴門市が一番に終了し、ほかの市町村でもこれから同様なことをする、という意味では添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Naruto City has completed distributing additional computers for education to all 18 primary schools in the city. This enables every student to use one computer in a computer room.  Naruto City is the first to have realized this among local governments in the prefecture.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 3 October 05

 

Naruto City has finished additional arrangement of educational computers at all primary schools in the city. This is the first case in the prefecture communities that arranged every school student to one PC at computer rooms

 

添削

 

Naruto City in Tokushima Prefecture1 has finished distributing additional arrangement of educational computers for education2 at all eighteen primary schools in the city. This is the first case in the prefectureprefectural communities that arranged one PC for every school student to one PC at computer rooms

 

コメント

 

1.       次の文にthe prefectural communities と出てくるので、どの県かここに書いておくとよいでしょう。

 

2.       additional educational computersと形容詞が二つ続いて読み難いのでadditional computers for educationとするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Naruto City in Tokushima Prefecture has finished distributing additional computers for education at all eighteen primary schools in the city. This is the first case in the prefectural communities that arranged one PC for every school student at computer rooms

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、9 September 04

 

Naruto City, Tokushima Prefecture has completed installing additional personal computers for educational purpose at all the 18 elementary schools in the city.  Naruto City is the first of the municipalities in the prefecture to realize the installment of one computer for one pupil in a computer class.

 

添削

 

Naruto City,in1 Tokushima Prefecture has completed installing additional personal computers for educational purposes at all the 18 elementary schools in the city. Now Naruto City is has become2 the first of the municipalitiesmunicipality in the prefecture to realize have3 the installment of one computer for one each pupil in a the computer class of all its primary schools.

 

コメント

 

1.       Naruto City, Tokushima Prefecture, has ~としてもよいですが、Naruto City in Tokushima Prefecture has ~としたほうが日本の地理に疎い人にはわかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       Has becomeとすると内容に動きが出ます。

 

3.       Haveのほうが、コンピュータを設置したことではなくて、コンピュータ教室で生徒一人ずつにコンピュータがある、ことが大切なことが強調されます。

 

Computer literacy(コンピュータの使い方をどのくらい知っているかということ)について、こんな話を病院のコンピュータシステムの仕事をしている友人から聞きました。在庫管理にコンピュータを導入することになり、過去30年間、手書きで在庫管理をしている人たちが、コンピュータのキーボードから記録を入力することになりました。このためにコンピュータ操作の基礎から訓練することになり、マウスの操作を教えていました。受講者の一人が質問して、モニターの画面上でカーサーの位置を上下に移動するにはどうしたらよいか、聞きます。側に行って見ると、この人はマウスを机から上に持ち上げて、画面上のカーサーの位置を上方に動かそうとしていたそうです。私もカーサーの移動の敏感性を変化させる方法を見つけるまでは、マウスが机の右端まで行ってしまっても、モニターのカーサーがまだ充分右に動かず、マウスを持ち上げて机の上を左に動かしてから、またカーサーを右に移動していましたから、他人のことは笑えません。

 

添削後の文章

 

Naruto City in Tokushima Prefecture has completed installing additional personal computers for educational purposes at all the 18 elementary schools in the city. Now Naruto City has become the first municipality in the prefecture to have one computer for each pupil in the computer class of all its primary schools.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(しょう、17 Oct 03

 

The City of Naruto has completed the distribution of additional computers to all 18 primary schools in the city and realized that one computer is available to each student in the computer room at all primary schools for the first time among all cities in the prefecture.

 

添削

 

The City of Naruto has completed the distribution of additional computers to all 18 primary schools in the city and realized has become the first city in the prefecture where1 that one computer is available to for each student in the computer room at of all primary schools for the first time among all cities in the prefecture.

 

コメント

 

1.       元の文でも内容はよくわかりますが、添削のようにすると簡単になります。「初めて〜した」という日本文は has become (done) the first ~とすると英文の表現がやさしくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The City of Naruto has completed the distribution of additional computers to all 18 primary schools in the city and has become the first city in the prefecture where one computer is available for each student in the computer room of all primary schools.

 

 

初級問題 97

 

全国銀行協会所属の135行で盗難通帳による不正な払い出し被害は2002年度に1231件、総額37億3800万円に達した。

 

読者からの投稿 10(文月、2 April 16

 

Total amount of 1231 illicit withdrawals using stolen bankbooks occurred in 135 banks belonging to Japanese Bankers Association in 2002. The financial damage ran into 3738 million yen in total.

 

添削

 

The Ttotal amount number of 1,231 illicit illegitimate withdrawals using stolen bankbooks occurred in at 135 banks belonging to the Japanese Bankers Association in 2002. The financial damage ran into 3,738 million yen in total.

 

コメント

 

the total amount of ~とあるので、読者は金額のことなのかとおもいます。文章の最後まで読めば、the total number of ~のこととわかりますが。

 

添削後の文章

 

The total number of 1,231 illegitimate withdrawals using stolen bankbooks occurred at 135 banks belonging to the Japanese Bankers Association in 2002. The financial damage ran into 3,738 million yen in total.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Kalo, 20 August 11

 

The Japan Bankers Association says that in 2002, its 135 banks suffered from 1,231 cases of fraudulent cash withdrawal with stolen bankbooks. The total loss of cash amounted to over 3.7 million yen.

 

添削

 

The Japan Bankers Association says that in 2002, its 135 member banks suffered from 1,231 cases of fraudulent cash withdrawal with stolen bankbooks. The total loss of cash amounted to over 3.7 million billion yen.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかりますが、数字が間違っています。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Japan Bankers Association says that  its 135 member banks suffered from 1,231 cases of fraudulent cash withdrawal with stolen bankbooks. The total loss of cash amounted to over 3.7 billion yen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(Tatsuo, 13 July 11

 

The number of cases that was illegally withdrawn money by stolen account books achieved 1,231 cases in fiscal 2002 among 135 banks which are member of Japan Bankers Association. The total amount of damages run up to three billion seven hundred thirty eight million yen. 

 

添削

 

The number of cases that where cash was illegally withdrawn from banks money by stolen account books reached achieved 1,231 cases in the 2002 fiscal 2002 year among 135 banks which are were the members of the Japan Bankers Association. The total amount of damages run up to three billion seven hundred and thirty eight million yen. 

 

コメント

 

The number of cases that was illegally withdrawn money by stolen account booksの構文はわかりませんが、内容は総て推測できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of cases where cash was illegally withdrawn from banks by stolen account books reached 1,231 in the 2002 fiscal year among 135 banks which were the members of the Japan Bankers Association. The total amount of damage run up to three billion seven hundred and thirty eight million yen. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 7 November 09

 

There were 1,231 cases of unlawful withdrawal of bank deposits by the use of stolen bankbooks in 2002. The losses from these frauds added up to 3.738 billion yen at 135 banks participating in the Japanese Bankers Association.

 

添削

 

There were 1,231 cases of unlawful withdrawal of bank deposits by the use of stolen bankbooks in 2002. The losses from these frauds added up to 3.738 3.7 billion1 yen at 135 banks participating in the Japanese Bankers Association.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       小数点を使うときは3.7 billion, 3.73 billionのように小数点以下二桁ぐらいまでの表現が多いようです。総ての数字を示すには3,783 millionとするのがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

There were 1,231 cases of unlawful withdrawal of bank deposits by the use of stolen bankbooks in 2002. The losses from these frauds added up to 3.7 billion yen at 135 banks participating in the Japanese Bankers Association.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 12 May 08

 

The amount of fraudulent withdrawals with stolen bankbooks at one hundred thirty five banks of the Japanese Bankers Association had reached to the total of 3,738 million yen in 1,231 cases for the fiscal year 2002.

 

添削

 

The amount of fraudulent withdrawals with stolen bankbooks at one hundred and thirty five banks of the Japanese Bankers Association had reached to the total of 3,738 million yen in 1,231 cases for in the fiscal year 2002.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかりまが、文を二つにしたほうがわかりやすくなるでしょう。There were 1,231 cases of fraudulent withdrawals of cash by stolen bank cards at 135 banks of the Japanese Bankers Association in the 2002 fiscal year. The total amount of fraudulent withdrawals reached 3,788 million yen.

 

添削後の文章

 

The amount of fraudulent withdrawals with stolen bankbooks at one hundred and thirty five banks of the Japanese Bankers Association reached 3,738 million yen in 1,231 cases in the fiscal year 2002.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、2 June 07

 

In the 2002 financial year, the 135 banks belonging to Japanese Bankers Association suffered 1231 illicit withdrawals using a stolen bankbook. The amount of damage reached 3738 million yen.

 

添削

 

In the 2002 financial year, the 135 banks belonging to the Japanese Bankers Association suffered 1,2311 illicit withdrawals using a stolen bankbook. The amount of damage reached 3,738 million yen.

 

コメント

 

1.       数字は3桁区切りでコンマを使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

In the 2002 financial year, 135 banks belonging to the Japanese Bankers Association suffered 1,231 illicit withdrawals using a stolen bankbook. The amount of damage reached 3,738 million yen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、5 April 07

 

A great deal of money was wrongly drawn from 135 banks which belong to the Japanese Bankers Association with stolen bankbooks. The number of crimes reached 1,231 cases and its damage 3.738 billion yen.

 

添削

 

A great deal of money was wrongly fraudulently1 withdrawn from 135 banks which belong to the Japanese Bankers Association with stolen bankbooks. The number of crimes reached 1,231 cases and its the total damage 3,.738 billion million2 yen.

 

コメント

 

1.       wronglyは「間違って」の意味になりますから、添削のように「不正に」がよいでしょう。

 

2.       3,738 million yenかまたは3.7 billion yenがよいでしょう。小数点以下に数字が並ぶと読みにくくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A great deal of money was fraudulently withdrawn from 135 banks which belong to the Japanese Bankers Association with stolen bankbooks. The number of crimes reached 1,231 cases and the total damage 3,738 million yen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 3 October 05

 

At 135 banks belonging Japanese Bankers Association, total amount of damage caused by unfair withdrawal, using stolen bankbooks reached 1231 cases and 3,738 million yen in fiscal 2001.

 

添削

 

At 135 banks belonging to the Japanese Bankers Association, the total amount of damage caused by unfair fraudulent withdrawal, using stolen bankbooks, reached 1,231 cases and ( 3,738 million yen)1 in the 2001 fiscal year2 2001.

 

コメント

 

1.       「1231件でその総額37億3800万円」ということを明確にするtには添削のように1,231 cases (3,738 million yen)とするか3,738 million yen in 1,231 casesと表現します。

 

2.       「2002年度」は暦の2002年(in the 2002 calendar yearまたは単にin 2002)なのか、2002年会計年度がはっきりしませんが、後者の場合はin the 2002 fiscal yearとします。

 

添削後の文章

 

At 135 banks belonging to the Japanese Bankers Association, the total amount of damage caused by fraudulent withdrawal, using stolen bankbooks, reached 1,231 cases ( 3,738 million yen) in the 2001 fiscal year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、10 September 04

 

The 135 banks which belong to the National Bankers Association suffered a total loss of \3,738,000,000 in 1,231 cases of fraudulent use of stolen passbooks for withdrawal of money in 2002.

 

添削

 

The 135 One hundred and thirty-five1 banks which belong to the National Bankers Association suffered a total loss of \3,738,000,000 in 1,231 cases of fraudulent uses of stolen passbooks bankbooks2 for withdrawal of money in 2002.

 

コメント

 

1.       文の始めなので英単語にすると文が落ち着いて見えます。銀行を主語にしているので内容がわかりやすいですね。

 

2.       銀行通帳は一般にa bankbookと言います。

 

添削後の文章

 

One hundred and thirty-five banks which belong to the National Bankers Association suffered a total loss of \3,738,000,000 in 1,231 cases of fraudulent uses of stolen bankbooks for withdrawal of money in 2002.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Michi, 8 Oct 03

 

In 2002, there were 1,231 fraudulent cash withdrawals, or three billion and seven hundred thirty eight million yen, by using a stolen bank book at 135 member banks of the Japanese Bankers Association.

 

添削

 

In 2002, there were 1,231 cases of fraudulent cash withdrawals1 by using a stolen bankbook, or three billion and seven hundred thirty eight million yen, by using a stolen bank book at 135 member banks of the Japanese Bankers Association. The amount of fraudulent cash withdrawals reached three billion and seven hundred thirty eight million yen2.

 

コメント

 

1.       短い文にいろいろな情報が入れてある日本文なので、文の要点を何にするか迷いますね。Michiさんは「1,231件の不正払い出しがあった」を文の要点に選んでいます。「盗難通帳が不正払い出しに使われた」Stolen bankbooks were used for 1,231 cases of fraudulent cash withdrawal.とすることも出来ます。

 

2.       数字がいくつか出てくるので、新しい文にすると内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

In 2002, there were 1,231 cases of fraudulent cash withdrawal by using a stolen bankbook at 135 member banks of the Japanese Bankers Association. The amount of fraudulent cash withdrawals reached three billion and seven hundred thirty eight million yen.

 

 

初級問題 98

 

当社は記者職若干名を下記の要領で募集しています。1975年4月2日以降に生まれた方で2004年3月に4年生大学または大学院を卒業見込みの方、学部の指定はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 12(文月、15 April 16

 

We invite applications for a few reporters as below: those who were born after April 2, 1975, and graduates or prospective graduates of 4-year university/college, or graduate schools in March 2004, whatever their university major fields may be.

 

添削

 

We invite applications for a few reporters as below: those who were born after April 2, 1975, and are expected to graduates or prospective graduates of from 4-year university/college, or graduate schools in March 2004, whatever their university major fields may be.

 

コメント

 

内容の推測はできますが、and graduates or prospective graduates of 4-year university/collegeのところが分かり難いです。be expected to ~という便利な語法があります。

 

添削後の文章

 

We invite applications for a few reporters as below: those who were born after April 2, 1975, and are expected to graduate from 4-year university/college or graduate school in March 2004, whatever their university major fields may be.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(OKEN, 20 June 12

 

We are recruiting some correspondents hereby. Applicants must be born April 2 1975 or later, and be future graduates from colleges or postgraduate schools at the time of May 2004. All departments will be accepted.

 

添削

 

We are recruiting some correspondents hereby. Applicants must be born on April 2 1975 or later, and be future graduates from colleges or postgraduate schools in at the time of May 2004. Graduates from Aall departments can apply will be accepted.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

We are recruiting some correspondents. Applicants must be born on April 2 1975 or later and graduate from colleges or postgraduate schools in May 2004. Graduates from all departments can apply .

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Kalo, 20 August 11

 

We are now recruiting several news reporters. Successful applicants are required to hold the following qualifications;

 

1.      Born after April 2, 1975,

 

2.      Prospective undergraduates or graduates in March, 2004, and

 

3.      All majors are eligible.

 

添削

 

We are now recruiting several news reporters. Successful applicants are required to hold the following qualifications;

 

1.      Born after April 2, 1975,

 

2.      Expected to finish Prospective undergraduates or graduates in March, 2004, and

 

3.      All majors are eligible.

 

コメント

 

(2)の意味がわかりませんが、簡潔な文体です。

 

添削後の文章

 

We are now recruiting several news reporters. Successful applicants are required to hold the following qualifications;

 

1.      Born after April 2, 1975,

 

2.      Expected to finish undergraduate or graduate in March, 2004, and

 

3.      All majors are eligible.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Tatsuo, 13 July 11

 

Our company has recruited1 a few of correspondents followed by an undermentioned application guide. The applicants should be born after April 2, 1975. And, the applicants, who are senior year or graduate students, will be able to graduate their university or college in March 2004. We accept applicants from all of departments.

 

添削

 

Our company has is currently recruiteding a few of correspondents according to the followed by an undermentioned application guideline.:2

(1)   The applicants was should be born after April 2, 1975. And,

(2)   tThe applicants, who is are a senior undergraduate student year or graduate students, will be able to graduate his/her their university or college in March 2004.

(3)   The applicant can be a student of any We accept applicants from all of departments of a university or college.

 

コメント

 

(1)   内容はすべて推測でますが、Our company has recruited a few correspondentsとすると、すでに採用が完了した、となります。

 

(2)   箇条書きにすると条件がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Our company is currently recruiting a few of correspondents according to the  undermentioned application guideline:

(1)   The applicant was born after April 2, 1975.

(2)   The applicant, who is a senior undergraduate student or graduate student, will be able to graduate his/her university or college in March 2004.

(3)   The applicant can be a student of any department of a university or college.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 7 November 09

 

We are recruiting a couple of reporters meeting the following qualifications. Applicants must be those were born on and after April 2, 1975 and will be finishing any department of a university or a graduate school in March, 2004.

 

添削

 

We are recruiting a couple of reporters meeting the following qualifications. Applicants must be those1 were born on and or after April 2, 1975 and will be finishing any department of a university or a graduate school in March, 2004.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       the following qualificationsと言ってあるので、簡単でよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

We are recruiting a couple of reporters meeting the following qualifications. Applicants were born on or after April 2, 1975 and will be finishing any department of a university or a graduate school in March, 2004.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 13 May 08

 

We are looking for a few article writers by the following qualifications. The prospective applicants must be those who were born after April 2, 1975 and also undergraduates or graduates in any department who are going to graduate in March, 2004.

 

添削

 

We are looking for a few article staff writers with by the following qualifications. The prospective applicants must be those who were born after April 2, 1975 and also are1 currently undergraduates or graduates in any department who are going to graduate in March, 2004.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       those who were born ~ and are currently graduates ~という形式になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

We are looking for a few staff writers with the following qualifications. The prospective applicants must be those who were born after April 2, 1975 and are currently undergraduates or graduates in any department who are going to graduate in March, 2004.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 16 April 08

 

Our company is recruiting for some press persons on the conditions as follows. A four-year college or graduate school student who was born after April 2, 1975 and will be graduate on March, 2004. No major is specified about this job.

 

添削

 

Our company is recruiting a few staff writers with the following qualifications1: for some press persons on the conditions as follows. A four-year college or graduate school student who was born after April 2, 1975 and is expected to will be graduate in on March, 2004. No area of study major is specified for about this job.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       on the conditionsとすると、就職後の条件のように聞こえるのでqualificationsがよいでしょう。

 

2.       a major主な専攻分野、という意味もありますが、ここでは一般的にan area of studyとしたほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Our company is recruiting a few staff writers with the following qualifications: A four-year college or graduate school student who was born after April 2, 1975 and is expected to  graduate in March, 2004. No area of study is specified for this job.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、2 June 07

 

We recruit a few staff writers in the way described below.(1-4)

 

1) born: after March, 1975

2) an anticipated graduation: March, 2004

3) You must be an undergraduate student or a graduated student.

4) indifferent to a department

 

添削

 

We recruit a few staff writers as in the way described below:.(1-4)1

 

1) born: after March, 1975

2) an anticipated graduation: in March, 2004

3) either You must be an undergraduate student or a graduated student.

4) any area of study at university indifferent to a department

 

コメント

 

1.       条件を箇条書きにしたのでわかりやすいですね。箇条書きの項目は同じような形式にすると読みやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

We recruit a few staff writers as described below:

 

1) born after March, 1975

2) anticipate graduation in March, 2004

3) either an undergraduate student or a graduated student

4) any area of study at university

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、5 April 07

 

Our company is recruiting a few writers as follows. We wants the applicants who were born after April 2 in 1975 and will graduate from college and graduate school in March, 2004. Graduates from any departments are allowed.

 

添削

 

Our company is We are1 recruiting a few writers as follows. We wants the applicants who were born after April 2 in 1975 and will graduate from four-year college2 and or graduate school in March, 2004. Graduates from any departments can apply3 are allowed.

 

コメント

 

1.       「当社」とありますが、ここでは当事者の意味でWeがよいでしょう。

 

2.       北米ではcollegeは単科大学、2年生の短期大学の意味の両方に使われるので、ここではfour-year collegeとしました。

 

3.       (Someone ) can apply.という表現を求人広告によく使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

We are recruiting a few writers as follows. We want applicants who were born after April 2 in 1975 and will graduate from four-year college or graduate school in March, 2004. Graduates from any department can apply.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 3 October 05

 

We are advertising few reporters under following conditions.

·         Born after April 2, 1975

·         Graduating from university or graduate school in March 2004

·         No designation of departments

 

添削

 

We are advertising hiring a few reporters under with the following conditions qualifications1.:

·         Born after April 2, 1975

·         Graduating from university or graduate school in March 2004

·         No designation of departments (any department is all right)2

 

コメント

 

1.       under the following conditionsとすると雇用条件〈待遇など〉になるので、with the following qualificationsとします。

 

2.       箇条書きにしたのでわかりやすいですね。念のためにこれを入れておきました。

 

添削後の文章

 

We are hiring a few reporters with the following qualifications:

·         Born after April 2, 1975

·         Graduating from university or graduate school in March 2004

·         No designation of departments (any department is all right)

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、10 September 04

 

We are looking for a few newspaper reporters that can meet the following requirements.  Those who are born on or after April 2, 1975 and are expected to graduate from four-year universities or graduate schools by March, 2004. No department is specified.

 

添削

 

We are looking for a few newspaper reporters that can meet the following requirements.  Those who are were born on or after April 2, 1975 and are expected to graduate from four-year universities or graduate schools by March, 2004. No department is specified Students in any major can apply1.

 

コメント

 

1.       北米の大学では「経済学部の学生」はa student in economics major, a major in economicsと一般に言います。経済学部を卒業と言うより、経済学を専攻して大学を卒業といいます。経済学を専攻するためには大学でとる授業の単位の多くの部分majorityが経済学部の授業の必要があり、ここから a major in economicsという言い方が出てきました。上の例でNo department is specified.とすると、この新聞社で新規採用者の配属先がまだ決まっていない、ともとれます。

 

添削後の文章

 

We are looking for a few newspaper reporters that can meet the following requirements.  Those who were born on or after April 2, 1975 and are expected to graduate from four-year universities or graduate schools by March, 2004. Students in any major can apply.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Eiko, 17 Oct 03

 

We are advertising for a few reporters. An applicant must have been born after April 2, 1975 and is expected to graduate in March, 2004 from a university or graduate school. We do not specify any department.

 

添削

 

We are advertising for a few reporters with the following qualifications1. An Each applicant must have been born after April 2, 1975 and is will be expected to graduate in March, 2004 from a university or graduate school. We do not specify any department A graduate from any department can apply2.

 

コメント

 

1.       「下記の要領で」を付け加えました。

 

2.       「卒業生」を主語にすると前の文のEach applicantと対応してわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

We are advertising for a few reporters with the following qualifications. Each applicant must have been born after April 2, 1975 and will be expected to graduate in March 2004 from a university or graduate school. A graduate from any department can apply.

 

 

初級問題 99

 

熊本日日新聞社は熊本県内をエリアに日刊紙を発行しております。発行部数は2003年1月現在で、朝刊402,344部、夕刊101,879部に上り、朝刊の占有率は全県下の69パ−セントに及んでいます。

 

読者からの投稿 12(文月、20 April 16

 

Kumamoto Nichinichi Shinbun publishes daily newspapers in the area of Kumamoto Prefecture, with circulations of 402,344 copies in the morning paper and 101,879 copies in the evening paper, respectively as of 2003 January. The market share of the morning paper reaches 69% in the whole prefecture.

 

添削

 

Kumamoto Nichinichi Shinbun Newspaper Company publishes a daily newspapers in the area of Kumamoto Prefecture, with the circulations of 402,344 copies of in the morning paper edition and 101,879 copies of in the evening edition1 paper, respectively as of 2003 January. The market share of the morning paper reaches 69% in the whole prefecture.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       熊本日日新聞の朝刊と夕刊とします。、

 

添削後の文章

 

Kumamoto Nichinichi Shinbun Newspaper Company publishes a daily newspaper in the area of Kumamoto Prefecture with the circulation of 402,344 copies of the morning edition and 101,879 copies of the evening edition as of 2003 January. The market share of the morning paper reaches 69% in the whole prefecture.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(Valley winds, 9 December 12

 

The Kumamoto Nichi-nichi newspaper issues daily newspaper around Kumamoto Prefecture. The number of their newspaper’s issue reaches 402,344 as a morning paper and 101,879 as a evening paper as of January 2003. The number of morning paper accounts for sixty-nine percent of all the prefecture.

 

添削

 

The Kumamoto Nichi-nichi newspaper publishes issues a daily newspaper in around Kumamoto Prefecture. The number of copies their newspaper’s issue has reachesd 402,344 for the as a morning edition paper and 101,879 for as a the evening edition paper as of January 2003. The number of morning edition paper accounts for sixty-nine percent of all morning papers in the prefecture.

 

コメント

 

最後の文の内容が曖昧ですが、他はすべてわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Kumamoto Nichi-nichi newspaper publishes a daily newspaper in Kumamoto Prefecture. The number of copies has reached 402,344 for the morning edition and 101,879 for the evening edition as of January 2003. The number of morning edition accounts for sixty-nine percent of all morning papers in the prefecture.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Kalo, 20 August 11

 

Kumamoto Nichinichi Shimbun publishes a daily newspaper in Kumamoto Prefecture.    

As of January, 2003, the newspaper has reached a circulation of 402,344 copies for the morning edition and 101,879 for the evening edition. The market share of the morning edition has amounted to 69 percent.

 

添削

 

Kumamoto Nichinichi Shimbun Newspaper Company1 publishes a daily newspaper in Kumamoto Prefecture. As of January, 2003, the circulation of the newspaper has reached a circulation of 402,344 copies for the morning edition and 101,879 for the evening edition. The market share of the morning edition has amounted to 69 percent.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       英語を日常使う人を読者に想定しているのでこのようにするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Kumamoto Nichinichi Shimbun Newspaper Company1 publishes a daily newspaper in Kumamoto Prefecture. As of January, 2003, the circulation of the newspaper has reached  402,344 copies for the morning edition and 101,879 for the evening edition. The market share of the morning edition has amounted to 69 percent.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Tatsuo, 13 July 11

 

Kumamoto nichi nichi newspaper has published daily paper in Kumamoto Prefecture. The number of issues are 402,344 morning papers and 101,879 evening papers as of January 2003. Kumamoto niche niche newspaper has got 69 percent of the share of morning paper in Kumamoto Prefecture.    

添削

 

The Kumamoto Nichi Nichi nichi nichi nNewspaper Company has publishedes1 a daily paper in Kumamoto Prefecture. The number of copies is issues are 402,344 for the morning papers and 101,879 for the evening papers as of January 2003. The Kumamoto niche niche newspaper has a got 69 percent of the share of the morning papers in Kumamoto Prefecture.    

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

(1)   現在、発行している、ということなので現在形にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Kumamoto Nichi Nichi Newspaper Company publishes a daily paper in Kumamoto Prefecture. The number of copies is 402,344 for the morning paper and 101,879 for the evening paper as of January 2003. The newspaper has a 69 percent share of the morning papers in Kumamoto

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 7 November 09

 

The Kumamoto Nichinich Newspaper publishes daily newspaper for readers in Kumamoto prefecture. As of January 2003, it has a circulation of 402,344 copies for the morning edition and 101,879 copies for the evening edition. Its market share on the morning edition accounts for 69% in the prefecture.

 

添削

 

The Kumamoto Nichinich Newspaper publishes a daily newspaper for readers in Kumamoto pPrefecture. As of January 2003, it has a circulation of 402,344 copies for the morning edition and 101,879 copies for the evening edition. Its market share on tThe morning edition accounts for 69% of the market in the prefecture.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Kumamoto Nichinich Newspaper publishes a daily newspaper for readers in Kumamoto Prefecture. As of January 2003, it has a circulation of 402,344 copies for the morning edition and 101,879 copies for the evening edition. The morning edition accounts for 69% of the market in the prefecture.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 18 May 08

 

The Kumamoto Nichinich Newspapers issues daily papers targeted for the area of Kumamoto Prefecture. The circulations, as of January in 2003, were 402,344 copies of the morning edition and 101,879 copies of the evening edition. The percentage of our share of all the morning edition in the prefecture amounts to 69 percent.

 

添削

 

The Kumamoto Nichinich Newspapers publishes issues a daily newspapers1 targeted for the area of Kumamoto Prefecture. The circulations, as of January in 2003, was were 402,344 copies of for the morning edition and 101,879 copies for of the evening edition. The percentage of our market share of all the morning edition in the prefecture amountsed2 to 69 percent.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       a daily newspaperthe morning editionthe evening editionがある、とするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       日本文は熊本日日新聞社が自分の発行する新聞の紹介、という形ですが、英文では客観的な事実の記述でよいでしょう。また前の文の時制に合わせて、amountedとします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Kumamoto Nichinich Newspaper publishes a daily newspaper targeted for the area of Kumamoto Prefecture. The circulation, as of January in 2003, was 402,344 copies for the morning edition and 101,879 copies for the evening edition. The market share of the morning edition in the prefecture amounted to 69 percent.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 18 April 08

 

We, the Kumamoto Nichinichi Shimbun, publishes a daily newspaper in Kumamoto Prefecture. We sell 402,344 morning newspapers and 101,879 evening newspapers everyday on January, 2003. We occupies 69 percents of the total share of morning newspapers in the prefecture.

 

添削

 

We, the Kumamoto Nichinichi Shimbun, publishes a daily newspaper in Kumamoto Prefecture. We sell sold 402,344 copies of the morning edition newspapers and 101,879 copies of the evening edition newspapers everyday on January, 2003. We occupies take a 69 percents share of the total share of morning newspapers sold in the prefecture.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。主語をweにしているので、この新聞の代表が自分たちの新聞の概要を説明している、という雰囲気になります。客観的に事実を述べるのならば、新聞を主語にできます。

 

添削後の文章

 

We, the Kumamoto Nichinichi Shimbun, publish a daily newspaper in Kumamoto Prefecture. We sold 402,344 copies of the morning edition and 101,879 copies of the evening edition  everyday on January, 2003. We take a 69 percent share of the morning newspapers sold in the prefecture.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、4 June 07

 

The Kumamoto Nichinichi Shimbun issue daily news paper within Kumamoto Prefecture. As of January, 2003, on the circulation figure of the Kumamoto Nichinichi Shimbun, morning edition and evening edition reached 402.344 thousand copies and 101.879 copies, respectively. The amount of circulation figure achieves 69 percent of morning edition in the prefecture.

 

添削

 

The Kumamoto Nichinichi Shimbun Newspaper1 is published issue daily news paper mainly for people2 within Kumamoto Prefecture. As of January, 2003, on the circulation figure of the Kumamoto Nichinichi Shimbun’s, morning edition and evening edition reached 402,.344 thousand3 copies and the evening edition 101.,879 copies., respectively4. The amount of circulation figure achieves 69 percent of morning edition captured 69 percent of the market in the prefecture.

 

コメント

 

1.       the Kumamoto Nichinichi Shimbun Newspaperは新聞の名前ですから、新聞を主語にすると添削のように受動態になります。 Kumamoto Nichinich Shimbun Newspaper Company publishes a daily newspaper.と主語を新聞社にすると投稿の形になります。Shimbunは日本語ですからNewspaperと加えるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       「熊本県内をエリアに日刊紙を発行しております」は「熊本県内の読者を主な対象にして日刊紙を発行しております」と言い直すとよいでしょう。

 

3.       数字の英語表現に注意してください。私は数字の多い報告書を書くので、数字の誤りは大変な結果になります。概算でよい場合は402 thousand copies、正確に表現する必要があれば、402,344 copiesがよいでしょう。小数点以下が三桁だとコンマかピリオドおが紛らわしくなります。

 

4.       respectivelyを使う表現は、文を読み直さないとどっちがどっちかわからないので、添削のようにします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Kumamoto Nichinichi Shimbun Newspaper is published daily mainly for people within Kumamoto Prefecture. As of January, 2003, the circulation of the Kumamoto Nichinichi Shimbun’s morning edition reached 402,344 copies and the evening edition 101,879 copies. The morning edition captured 69 percent of the market in the prefecture.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、5 April 07

 

Kumamoto-Nichinichi Shinbun, Ltd. is publishing a daily newspaper in the area of Kumamoto Prefecture. Its total circulation reached 402,344 for the morning paper and 101,879 for the evening paper at the date of January in 2003. The market share of the morning paper occupied 69 % in the prefecture.

 

添削

 

Kumamoto-Nichinichi Shinbun, Ltd. is publishing a daily newspaper in the area of Kumamoto Prefecture. Its total circulation reached 402,344 copies1 for the morning paper and 101,879 copies for the evening paper at the date of by January in 2003. The market share of the morning paper occupied amounted to2 69 % in the prefecture.

 

コメント

 

1.       copiesを入れるとはっきりするでしょう。

 

2.       The morning paper shared 69 percent of the market. または添削のようにします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Kumamoto-Nichinichi Shinbun, Ltd. is publishing a daily newspaper in the area of Kumamoto Prefecture. Its total circulation reached 402,344 copies for the morning paper and 101,879 copies for the evening paper by January in 2003. The market share of the morning paper amounted to 69 % in the prefecture.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 3 October 05

 

The Kumamoto Nshitetsu Shimbun issues daily paper in the area of Kumamoto Prefecture. The total circulation as of January 2003 reaches 402,344 for morning edition and 101,879 for evening edition. The share of morning edition reaches 69% of circulation in the prefecture.

 

添削

 

The Kumamoto Nshitetsu NIchinichi Shimbun issues publishes a daily newspaper in the area of Kumamoto Prefecture. The total circulation as of January 2003 reaches 402,344 for the morning edition and 101,879 for the evening edition. The market share1 of the morning edition reaches 69% of circulation in the prefecture.

 

コメント

 

1.       市場占有率market shareとするとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Kumamoto NIchinichi Shimbun publishes a daily newspaper in the area of Kumamoto Prefecture. The total circulation as of January 2003 reaches 402,344 for the morning edition and 101,879 for the evening edition. The market share of the morning edition reaches 69% in the prefecture.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、11 September 04

 

The Kumamoto Daily News is issuing a daily newspaper for readers living in Kumamoto Prefecture. The number of copies issued is 402,344 for the morning edition and 101,879 for the evening edition. The morning edition owns 69% of the market in the whole of the prefecture.

 

添削

 

The Kumamoto Daily News is issuing publishing a daily newspaper for readers living in Kumamoto Prefecture. The number of copies issued is 402,344 for the morning edition and 101,879 for the evening edition. The morning edition owns has a 69% percent share of morning newspapers1 of the market in the whole of the prefecture.

 

コメント

 

1.       こうすると表現がすこし簡単になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Kumamoto Daily News is publishing a daily newspaper for readers living in Kumamoto Prefecture. The number of copies is 402,344 for the morning edition and 101,879 for the evening edition. The morning edition has a 69 percent share of morning newspapers in the whole prefecture.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Yumi, 18 Oct 03

 

Kumamoto Nichinichi Newspaper Company publishes a daily newspaper in Kumamoto Prefecture. As of January, 2003, the number of circulation was 402,344 for the morning edition and 101,879 for the evening edition. The morning edition shared 69 percent of the market in Kumamoto Prefecture.

 

添削

 

Kumamoto Nichinichi Newspaper Company publishes a daily newspaper mainly for people1 in Kumamoto Prefecture. As of January, 2003, the number of circulation was 402,344 for the morning edition and 101,879 for the evening edition. The morning edition shared captured2 69 percent of the market in Kumamoto Prefecture.

 

コメント

 

1.       「熊本県内を(販売の主な)エリアとして」の意味にmainly of peopleを入れました。

 

2.       マーケットシェアという言葉がありますから、The newspaper’s market share in Kumamoto Prefecture is 69 percent.とも表現できますが、captureとすると動詞に動きがあって意味が読者によく伝わります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Kumamoto Nichinichi Newspaper Company publishes a daily newspaper mainly for people in Kumamoto Prefecture. As of January 2003, the circulation was 402,344 for the morning edition and 101,879 for the evening edition. The morning edition captured 69 percent of the market in Kumamoto Prefecture.

 

 

初級問題 100

 

広島県は1995年に県内で絶滅の恐れのある野生動物のリスト、レッドダータブックを発刊したが、現在改訂版の準備をすすめている。

 

読者からの投稿 12(文月、13 February 16

 

In 1995, Hiroshima Prefecture published a red data book, a list of wild animals in danger of extinction in the prefecture, which is now undergoing revision.

 

添削

 

In 1995, Hiroshima Prefecture published the Red Data Book1 a red data book, a list of wild animals in danger of extinction in the prefecture, which is now undergoing revision.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。投稿の文章構成では「現在改訂版の準備をすすめている」が補足的は内容になっていますが、日本文ではここが一番大切なところだとおもいます。そうすると次のような文章構成になるでしょう。Hiroshima Prefecture is now revising the Red Data Book, a list of wild animals in danger of extinction in the prefecture. The current version was published in 1995.

 

1.       特別な本なので固有名詞にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

In 1995, Hiroshima Prefecture published the Red Data Book, a list of wild animals in danger of extinction in the prefecture, which is now undergoing revision.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(Valley winds, 10 December 12

 

Hiroshima Prefecture published the Red Dark Book, which was the list of endangered wild animals in the prefecture, on 1995. The prefecture now is preparing to publish the edition.

 

添削

 

Hiroshima Prefecture published the Red Dark Data Book in 1995, which was a the list of endangered wild animals in the prefecture, on 1995. The prefecture now is now preparing to publish the a new edition.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Hiroshima Prefecture published the Red Data Book in 1995, which was a list of endangered wild animals in the prefecture. The prefecture is now preparing to publish a new edition.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Kalo, 20 Aug 11

 

Hiroshima Prefecture is now revising its 1995 Red Data Book listing endangered species in the prefecture.

 

添削

 

Hiroshima Prefecture is now revising its 1995 Red Data Book that listinged1 endangered species of animals in the prefecture.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       Listingとすると、1955年版のRed Data Bookに新たに絶滅の恐れのある野生動物のリストを追加する、とも解釈できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Hiroshima Prefecture is now revising its 1995 Red Data Book that listed endangered species of animals in the prefecture.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Tatsuo, 10 July 11

 

Hiroshima Prefecture issued Red Date Book in 1995 that is the list of endangered wildlife animals inside the prefecture. But now, the government of Hiroshima has been preparing the revised edition. 

 

添削

 

Hiroshima Prefecture issued the1 Red Datea Book in 1995. tThat was is the a2 list of endangered wildlife animals inside in the prefecture. But nNow, the gGovernment of Hiroshima has is been preparing a3 the revised edition. 

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       Red Data Bookと大文字を使って、これが固有の本であることを示していますが、red, data, bookが一般的な普通名詞なので、定冠詞を付けてある特別な本であることを示します。

 

2.       このリストは文章で初出なので不定冠詞にします。

 

3.       the Red Data Bookの改訂版ですが、ある特殊な改訂版ではないので、ここも不定冠詞にするのが一般的です。最後の文のあとに、The revised edition will be available by next summer.というような文が続くときは、既に出てきたa revised editionの話なので定冠詞がつきます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Hiroshima Prefecture issued the Red Data Book in 1995. That was a list of endangered wildlife animals in the prefecture. Now, the Government of Hiroshima is preparing a revised edition. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 7 November 09

 

The Prefecture of Hiroshima is preparing for issuing the revised edition of The Red Data Book it had published in 1995. The book lists all the wild animals in danger of extinction in the prefecture.

 

添削

 

The Prefecture of Hiroshima is preparing for issuing the a revised edition of The Red Data Book it had published in 1995. The book lists all the wild animals in danger of extinction in the prefecture.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Prefecture of Hiroshima is preparing a revised edition of The Red Data Book it had published in 1995. The book lists all the wild animals in danger of extinction in the prefecture.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 18 May 08

 

The Office of Hiroshima Prefecture is now undertaking to revise the Red Data Book, the list of endangered wildlife in Hiroshima Prefecture, which was first published in 1995.

 

添削

 

The Office Government of Hiroshima Prefecture is now undertaking to reviseing the Red Data Book, the list of endangered wildlife in Hiroshima Prefecture, which was first published in 1995.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。「改訂版の準備をすすめている」とありますが、「改定している」と簡単に表現してよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Government of Hiroshima Prefecture is revising the” Red Data Book”, the list of endangered wildlife in Hiroshima Prefecture, which was first published in 1995.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 18 April 08

 

The Government of Hiroshima Prefecture published a Red Data Book which showed us the list of threatened species of animals in the prefecture in 1995. The government is preparing for publishing the revised version now.

 

添削

 

The Government of Hiroshima Prefecture published a the Red Data Book1 in 19552 which showed us the a list of threatened species of animals in the prefecture in 1995. The government is now preparing for publishing the a revised version now.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       固有の出版物なので定冠詞にします。

 

2.       1995年に初版が出て、現在改訂版の準備をしている、ということがはっきりするようにin 1955をここに置くとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Government of Hiroshima Prefecture published the Red Data Book in 1955 which showed us a list of threatened species of animals in the prefecture in 1995. The government is now preparing for publishing a revised version.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、4 June 07

 

In 1995, Hiroshima Prefecture published the red data book which was an endangered species list about wild animals living in Hiroshima and now prepares for a newly revised red data book.

 

添削

 

In 1995, Hiroshima Prefecture published the rRed dData bBook1 which was a list of an endangered species of list about wild animals living in the prefecture Hiroshima. and Now2 the prefecture is now preparesing for a newly revised rRed dData bBook.

 

コメント

 

1.       特別な本なので大文字を使います。

 

2.       ここから新しい文にしたほうが読みやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

In 1995, Hiroshima Prefecture published the Red Data Book which was a list of  endangered species of wild animals living in the prefecture. Now the prefecture is  preparing a newly revised Red Data Book.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、5 April 07

 

In 1995, Hiroshima Prefecture published the Red Data Book which listed up wild animals having a fear of extinction in the prefecture. The prefecture is now preparing the revised version.

 

添削

 

In 1995, Hiroshima Prefecture published the Red Data Book which listed up wild animals having a fear in danger of extinction in the prefecture. The prefecture is now preparing the an revised updated1 version.

 

コメント

 

1.       a revised versionでもよいですが、an updated versionとすると、1995年以降に絶滅の恐れのある野生動物が増えた、という意味が暗示できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

In 1995, Hiroshima Prefecture published the Red Data Book which listed up wild animals in danger of extinction in the prefecture. The prefecture is now preparing an updated version.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 3 October 05

 

In 1995, Hiroshima Prefecture issued a list of endangered wild animals in the prefecture, the Red Data Book and now the authority is preparing to issue revised version.

 

添削

 

In 1995, Hiroshima Prefecture issued published1 a list of endangered wild animals in the prefecture, the Red Data Book,” and now the authority it is preparing to issue publish a revised version.

 

コメント

 

1.       The police issued a statement that a man was arrested on suspicion of kidnapping.のように「あることを表明するという意味」で使うことが多く、上の例では広島県が野生動物のリストを作ってメディアに配布した、というような感じになります。「レッドダータブック」という名前なので小冊子のようなものだと思うので、publishがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

In 1995, Hiroshima Prefecture published a list of endangered wild animals in the prefecture, the “Red Data Book,” and now it is preparing to publish a revised version.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、11 September 04

 

Hiroshima Prefecture published in 1995 the Red Data Book, a list of wild animals which were on the verge of extinction in the prefecture, and is now making preparations for issuing a revised version of the book.

 

添削

 

Hiroshima Prefecture published in 1995 the Red Data Book, a list of wild animals which were on the verge of extinction in the prefecture, and is now making preparations for issuing a revised an updated1 version of the book.

 

コメント

 

1.       1995年以来、絶滅の恐れのある野生動物の種類が増えて、改訂版の発行が必要になったのかもしれません。an updated versionとすると、このような意味合いが含まれます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Hiroshima Prefecture published in 1995 the Red Data Book, a list of wild animals which were on the verge of extinction in the prefecture, and is now making preparations for issuing an updated version of the book.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Chan, 18 Oct 03

 

The Prefecture of Hiroshima has been preparing an update to its Red Data Book that listed endangered wild animals in the prefecture and was published in 1995.

 

添削

 

The Prefecture of Hiroshima has been preparing an update to its 19951 Red Data Book that listed lists endangered wild animals in the prefecture and was published in 1995.

 

日本文の内容を順序をそのまま英文で表現すると、

In 1995, the Prefecture of Hiroshima published the Red Book that listed endangered wild animals in the prefecture. Now the Prefecture is preparing its update.となります。

 

通常は日本文の内容を分解して英文にするのが、わかりやすい英文を書くコツになりますが、ここでは「改訂版の準備をすすめている」が要点なので、Chanさんのようにこの部分を文の最初に持ってきて二つの文を一つにすると効果的になります。

 

1.       1995をここに移動すると文がさらに短くなります。1995年版は今でも手に入るのでlistは現在形になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Prefecture of Hiroshima has been preparing an update to its 1995 Red Data Book that lists endangered wild animals in the prefecture