トップページの戻る

 

初級練習問題の添削 81−90


練習問題 81(20 Sept 03) (27 Aug 04) (29 Dec 04) (19 Sept 05) (11 March 07)

(25 May 07) (5 Mar 08) (16 Apr 08) (26 Oct 09) (12 Nov 10) (5 Nov 12)

(1 Sept 15)
練習問題 82(22 Sept 03) (31 Aug 04) (5 Jan 05) (24 Sept 05) (11 March 07) (25 May 07)

(5 Mar 08) (22 Apr 08) (26 Oct 09) (12 Nov 10) (5 Nov 12) (16 Sept 15)
練習問題 83(4 Oct 03) (31 Aug 04) (24 Sept 05) (11 March 07) (26 May 07) (5 Mar 08)

(22 Apr 08) (26 Oct 09) (20 Nov 10)


練習問題 84(11 Oct 03) (1 Sep 04) (13 Jan 05) (24 Sept 05) (11 March 07) (26 May 07)

(6 Mar 08) (23 Apr 08) (26 Oct 09) (20 Nov 10) (13 Nov 12) (8 Oct 15)


練習問題 85(11 Oct 03) (1 Sept 04) (24 Sept 05) (11 March 07) (27 May 07) (24 Apr 08)

(26 Oct 09) (24 Nov 10) (19 June 12) (13 Nov 12)
練習問題 86(4 Oct 03) (2 Sept 04) (26 Sept 05) (12 March 07) (27 May 07) (24 Mar 08)

(25 Apr 08) (30 Oct 09) (24 Nov 10) (23 Nov 12)


練習問題 87(16 Oct 03) (2 Sept 04) (13 Jan 05) (26 Sept 05) (12 March 07) (27 May 07)

(29 Mar 08) (26 Apr 08) (30 Oct 09) (24 Nov 10) (23 Nov 12) (8 October 15)


練習問題 88(16 Oct 03) (3 Sept 04) (26 Sept 05) (12 March 07) (12 March 07)

(21 Dec 10) (23 Nov 12)

(27 May 07) (29 Mar 08) (27 Apr 08) (30 Oct 09)
練習問題 89(29 Sept 03) (3 Sept 04) (26 Sept 05) (12 March 07) (29 May 07)

(31 Mar 08) (28 Apr 08) (30 Oct 09) (21 Dec 10) (23 Nov 12)
練習問題 90(29 Sept 03) (4 Sept 04) (2 Oct 05) (12 March 07) (29 May 07) (31 Mar 08)

(30 Apr 09) (30 Oct 09) (25 Dec 10) (25 Nov 12)

 

練習問題 81

 

ミャンマー政府は麻薬の原料となるケシの栽培をストップさせようと、日本の協力を得て1990年半ばごろから、一部のケシ畑をそば畑に変えてソバを栽培を促進している。

 

読者からの投稿 12(文月、1 September 15

 

The Myanmar Government intended to stop growing opium poppy used to make narcotic drugs, and had promoted growing buckwheat by changing parts of poppy fields into buckwheat fields in cooperation with Japan since the mid 1990’s.

 

添削

 

The Myanmar Government intended wants1 to stop growing opium poppy used to make narcotic drugs, and has been2 had promoteding growing buckwheat by changing parts of poppy fields into buckwheat fields in cooperation with Japan since the mid 1990’s.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       現在もこのようにしたいので直截なwantがようでしょう。

 

2.       現在まで続けているのでこの形にします。

添削後の文章

 

The Myanmar Government wants to stop growing opium poppy used to make narcotic drugs, and has been promoting growing buckwheat by changing parts of poppy fields into buckwheat fields in cooperation with Japan since the mid 1990’s.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(Valley winds, 5 November 12

 

For stopping growing poppies, which is material of drugs, the government of Myanmar has been promoting growing buckwheat instead of poppies at some part of fields with Japanese cooperation since the middle of 1990.

 

添削

 

For stopping growing poppies, which is the material for opium of drugs, the gGovernment of Myanmar has been promoting growing buckwheat instead of poppies at in some part of fields with Japanese cooperation since the middle of 1990.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

For stopping growing poppies, the material for opium, the Government of Myanmar has been promoting growing buckwheat instead of poppies in some fields with Japanese cooperation since the middle of 1990.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Tatsuo, 12 November 10

 

The government of Myanmar has managed to stop cultivating a poppy which is the ingredient of a drug. The government has obtained a support of Japan since the middle of 1990’s. The support has been encouraging them to change a part of poppy field into buckwheat field and to cultivate buckwheat.

 

添削

 

The gGovernment of Myanmar has managed to stop farmers to cultivating ae poppyies1 which are used to produce opium2 is the ingredient of a drug. The government has obtained a support of Japan since the middle of 1990’s. The Japanese support has been encouraging farmers them to change a some parts of poppy fields into buckwheat fields and to cultivate buckwheat.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「ケシの栽培をストップさせようと」しているのでmanaged to stop ~と内容がちがいます。managed to stop~では「すでに止めさせた」となります。

 

2.       具体的に表現するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Government of Myanmar has managed to stop farmers to cultivate poppies which are used to produce opium. The government has obtained a support of Japan since the middle of 1990’s. The Japanese support has been encouraging farmers to change some parts of poppy fields into buckwheat fields .

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(mxtomi, 26 October 09

 

In a bid to eradicate the farming of poppies that can be used to manufacture opium, the Myanmar government has been promoting to switch the poppy fields over to buckwheat cultivation with the help of Japan since mid 1990’

 

添削

 

In a bid to eradicate the farming of poppies that are can be used to produce manufacture opium, the Myanmar gGovernment has been promoting to switching the poppy fields over to buckwheat fields cultivation with the help of Japan since mid 1990.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

In a bid to eradicate the farming of poppies that are used to produce opium, the Myanmar Government has been promoting switching poppy fields to buckwheat fields with the help of Japan since mid 1990.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(kk, 16 April 08

 

The Myanmar Government has been promoting to grow buckwheat at the former poppy fields, which have been partly converted to buckwheat fields since mid-1990s with the aid of Japan in order to stop growing poppies, from which opium is made.

 

添削

 

The Myanmar Government has been promoting to grow convert buckwheat at the former poppy fields into which have been partly converted to buckwheat fields since mid-1990s with the aid of Japan in order to stop growing poppies, from which opium is made.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。添削のようにすると内容の重複を省略できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Myanmar Government has been promoting to convert poppy fields into buckwheat fields since mid-1990s with the aid of Japan in order to stop growing poppies from which opium is made.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 5 March 08

 

Government of Myanmar promote buckwheat farming by changing some poppy field into buckwheat field with the cooperation of Japan from the mid-1990s. It is because Government of Myanmar wants to stop poppy farming which is necessary for making illegal drugs.

 

添削

 

The Government of Myanmar has been promoteing1 to switch poppy fields to buckwheat farming by changing some poppy field into buckwheat field with the cooperation of Japan from since the mid-1990s. It This2 is because the Government of Myanmar wants to stop poppy farming which is produces the material necessary for making illegal drugs.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       1990年半ばから、ということですから添削のようにします。

 

2.       前の文の内容を指すのでthisにします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Government of Myanmar has been promoting to switch poppy fields to buckwheat farming with the cooperation of Japan since the mid-1990s. This is because the Government of Myanmar wants to stop poppy farming which produces the material for making illegal drugs.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(散歩人、25 May 07

 

The Myanmar Government hopes to prohibit the cultivation of a garden poppy of which a narcotic drug is made. And the government has urged the cultivation of a buckwheat at a part of the poppy fields under Japanese cooperation since the middle of 1990s.

 

添削

 

The Myanmar Government hopes to prohibit the cultivation of a garden poppy poppies from of which a narcotic drug is made. And For this goal1, the government is has urgeding the cultivation of a buckwheat at a part of the poppy fields under with Japanese cooperation since the middle of 1990s.

 

コメント

 

1.       こうすると前の文との関連がよくなるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Myanmar Government hopes to prohibit the cultivation of poppies from which a narcotic drug is made. For this goal, the government is urging the cultivation of buckwheat at part of the poppy fields with Japanese cooperation since the middle of 1990s.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、11 March 07

 

In order to stop the cultivation of poppy which is the material of drug, Burma government changed a part of poppy fields to buckwheat fields and has been promoting the cultivation of buckwheat in cooperation with Japan since the middle of 1990.

 

添削

 

In order to stop the cultivation of poppyies which is produce the material for opium of drug, Burma the gGovernment of Myanmar changed a part of poppy fields to into buckwheat fields and, in cooperation with Japan1, has been promoting the cultivation of buckwheat in cooperation with Japan since the middle of 1990s.

 

コメント

 

1.       長い文なので、文の中に内容の区切りを入れて読みやすくするとよいでしょう。ここにin cooperation with Japanと入れると、文の内容に区切りができます。

 

添削後の文章

 

In order to stop the cultivation of poppies which produce the material for opium, the Government of Myanmar changed a part of poppy fields into buckwheat fields and, in cooperation with Japan, has been promoting the cultivation of buckwheat since the middle of 1990s.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 19 September 05

 

For the purpose of stopping cultivation of poppy which is the ingredient of drug, the Myanmar government has been promoting to change some fields of poppy into buckwheat and to cultivate buckwheat since in the middle of the 1980s. 

 

添削

 

For the purpose of stopping the cultivation of poppy, which is the ingredient of drug, the Myanmar government has been promoting to change some fields of poppy fields into buckwheat fields1 and to cultivate buckwheat2 since in the middle of the 1980s. 

 

コメント

 

1.       ケシ畑全部をそば畑に変えるのが目的でしょうから、change poppy fields into buckwheat fieldsがよいでしょう。

 

2.       すでにbuckwheat fieldsとあるのでここを省略できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

For the purpose of stopping the cultivation of poppy, which is the ingredient of drug, the Myanmar government has been promoting to change poppy fields into buckwheat fields since the middle of the 1980s. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(tama, 29 December 04

 

In the middle of 1990, the government of Myanmar is promoting cultivation of Soba, by changing a part of poppy field into Soba field through Japan's support, in order to abolish cultivating poppy which is raw material for drug.

 

添削

 

In the middle of 1990s1, the government Government of Myanmar is started promoting the cultivation of Soba (buckwheat)2, by changing a part of poppy fields into Soba fields through with Japan's support, in order to abolish cultivating poppy farming which is supplied a raw material for drug opium3.

 

コメント

 

1.       「1990年半ばから〜を促進している」とあるので、もう10年近く続いていることになります。Since the middle of 1990s, the Government of Myanmar has been promoting ~ とすると正確でしょうが、 添削のようでもわかります。

 

2.       Sobaはまだ広く使われている単語ではないので説明をつけるとよいでしょう。

 

3.       ある特別なケシの実から取れる液を精製したものがアヘンです。

 

添削後の文章

 

In the middle of 1990s the Government of Myanmar started promoting the cultivation of Soba (buckwheat), by changing part of poppy fields into Soba fields with Japan's support, in order to abolish poppy farming which supplied a raw material for opium.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、27 August 04

 

The Myanmar Government has been promoting buckwheat farming by turning part of poppy fields into buckwheat fields since the middle of 1990 with the cooperation from Japan in order to stop the farming of poppy used to produce illegal drugs.

 

添削

 

Since the middle of 1990s, Tthe Myanmar Government has been promoting buckwheat farming by turning part of poppy fields into buckwheat fields since the middle of 1990 with the cooperation from Japan. This is an attempt1 in order to stop the farming of poppyies that are used to produce illegal drugs opium2.

 

コメント

 

1.       文が長いので、ここから新しい文にするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       具体的にアヘンとするとわかりやすいです。

 

添削後の文章

 

Since the middle of 1990s, the Myanmar Government has been promoting buckwheat farming by turning part of poppy fields into buckwheat fields with the cooperation from Japan. This is an attempt to stop the farming of poppies that are used to produce opium.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(TOMOKO, 20 Sept 03

 

Since the mid-1990's, the Myanmar Government has promoted buckwheat cultivation by shifting some poppy fields to buckwheat fields with cooperation from Japan, in order to stop cultivating poppy used as materials for narcotic drugs.

 

添削

 

Since the mid-1990's, the Myanmar Government, with cooperation of Japan1, has promoted been promoting buckwheat cultivation farming2 by shifting some poppy fields to buckwheat fields with cooperation from Japan,. This is3 in order to stop cultivating poppy farming poppies used as materials for narcotic drugs.

 

コメント

 

1.       「日本の協力をえて」がこの文脈で大切なので(初級問題82)文の前のほうに移動しました。

 

2.       Cultivationでもよいですが、farmingとすると「商業目的のために育てる」という意味が強くなります。

 

3.       文が長くなるので二つにしました。こうすると二番目の文の内容が強く読者に伝わります。この文は次のようにも表現できます。This is aimed at stopping farming poppies that are used to produce opium.

 

添削後の文章

 

Since the mid-1990's, the Myanmar Government, with corporation of Japan, has been promoting buckwheat farming by shifting some poppy fields to buckwheat fields. This is to stop farming poppies used as materials for narcotic drugs.

 

 

練習問題 82

 

今春約50トンのミャンマーそばが日本に輸入されたが、知名度不足や輸入過程での品質保持の難しさから、流通や消費される量は非常に少ないという。

 

読者からの投稿 12(文月、16 September 15

 

This spring, fifty tons of Myanmar-made buckwheat was imported to Japan. However, total amount of distribution and consumption was limited due to insufficient recognition and difficulty in keeping quality on the way of import.

 

添削

 

This spring, fifty tons of Myanmar-made buckwheat was were imported to Japan. However, the total amount of distribution and consumption was limited due to the1 insufficient recognition and difficulty in keeping the quality of buckwheat on its the way to Japan of import.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       ミャンマーからのそば粉の知名度という特別な対象なので定冠詞をつけます。

 

添削後の文章

 

This spring, fifty tons of Myanmar-made buckwheat were imported to Japan. However, the total amount of distribution and consumption was limited due to the insufficient recognition and difficulty in keeping the quality of buckwheat on its way to Japan .

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(Valley winds, 5 November 12

 

About 50 tons of buckwheat grown in Myanmar was imported to Japan in this spring. Because they were unknown and failed in quality keeping during importing process, they seemed hardly sell to consume.

 

添削

 

About a total of 50 tons of buckwheat grown in Myanmar was imported to Japan in this spring. Because buckwheat from Myanmar was not known to Japanese consumers they were unknown and because it failed to keep its in quality keeping during transportation importing process, it could they seemed hardly sell to consumers.

 

コメント

 

and failed in quality keeping during importing processのところが分かり難いですが、文章全体の意味は推測できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

About a total of 50 tons of buckwheat grown in Myanmar was imported to Japan this spring. Because buckwheat from Myanmar was not known to Japanese consumers and because it failed to keep its quality during transportation, it could hardly sell to consumers.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Tatsuo, 12 November 10

 

In this spring, Myanmar’s buckwheat had been imported about 50 ton to Japan. But the buckwheat is said that the quantity of its circulation and consumption is quite low because of the lack of name recognition and the difficulty of a quality control during its shipping.

 

添削

 

In this spring, about 50 tons of Myanmar’s buckwheat had been was1 imported about 50 ton to Japan. But the buckwheat is said that the quantity of its circulation and consumption in the market has been2 is quite low because of the lack of its name recognition and the difficulty of its a quality control during its shipping.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       すでに輸入されたので過去形にします。

 

2.       現在まではこんな状況なので現在完了進行形がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

In this spring, about 50 tons of Myanmar’s buckwheat was imported to Japan. But the quantity of its circulation and consumption in the market has been quite low because of the lack of its name recognition and the difficulty of its quality control during shipping.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(mxtomi, 26 October 09

 

About 50 tons of the Myanmar buckwheat was imported to Japan this spring. The volume distributed or consumed, however, still remains very small because of lack of publicity and difficulty in keeping its quality intact in the phase of transport.

 

添削

 

About 50 tons of the Myanmar buckwheat was imported to Japan this spring. The volume distributed or consumed, however, still remains very small because of a lack of publicity and the difficulty in keeping its quality intact during its in the phase of transport from Myanmar to Japan.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

About 50 tons of the Myanmar buckwheat was imported to Japan this spring. The volume distributed or consumed, however, still remains very small because of a lack of publicity and the difficulty in keeping its quality intact during its transport from Myanmar to Japan.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(kk, 22 April 08

 

About 50 tons of buckwheat was imported from Myanmer to Japan this spring, but due to the lack of name recognition and the difficulties in keeping its quality during transportation, the amount of distribution and consumption seems very small.

 

添削

 

About 50 tons of buckwheat was imported from Myanmer Myanmar to Japan this spring, but due to the lack of name recognition and the difficulties in keeping its quality during transportation, the amount of domestic1 distribution and consumption seems to be very small.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       domesticを入れるとわかりやすくなるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

About 50 tons of buckwheat was imported from Myanmar to Japan this spring, but due to the lack of name recognition and the difficulties in keeping its quality during transportation, the amount of domestic distribution and consumption seems to be very small.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 5 March 08

 

About 50 tons of buckwheat was imported from Myanmar to Japan this spring. But people says that the amount of sales and consumption is very small because of the lack of publicity and the difficulty in keeping its quality during the transportation period from Myanmar to Japan.

 

添削

 

About 50 tons of buckwheat was imported from Myanmar to Japan this spring. But people says that1 the amount of sales and consumption is remains very small because of the lack of publicity and the difficulty in keeping its quality during the its transportation period from Myanmar to Japan.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       日本文では「少ないという」ような言い方をよく使いますが、内容が無い婉曲な言い回しなので英文では省略するのがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

About 50 tons of buckwheat was imported from Myanmar to Japan this spring. But the amount of sales and consumption remains very small because of the lack of publicity and the difficulty in keeping its quality during its transportation from Myanmar to Japan.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(散歩人、25 May 07

 

A trading company imports a buckwheat of 50 tons from Myanmar this spring. We are, however, not familiar with the Myanmar-grown buckwheat and it is difficult to keep an quality of the buckwheat during the process of being imported. Therefore the buckwheat seems not to become popular and to be used little.

 

添削

 

A trading company importsed a buckwheat of 50 tons of buckwheat from Myanmar this spring. We are, however, not familiar with the Myanmar-grown buckwheat and it is also1 difficult to keep the an quality of the buckwheat during its transportation from Myanmar to Japan2 the process of being imported. Therefore, the buckwheat from Myanmar is seems not to become popular and to be used little3.

 

コメント

 

1.       andの前の内容と後ろの内容は独立していることを示すためにalsoを入れるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       具体的に表現するとわかりやすくなります。

 

3.       「流通や消費される量は非常に少ないという」で流通と消費の違いがわからないので、単に the buckwheat is used littleにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

A trading company imported 50 tons of buckwheat from Myanmar this spring. We are, however, not familiar with the Myanmar-grown buckwheat and it is also difficult to keep the quality of the buckwheat during its transportation from Myanmar to Japan. Therefore, the buckwheat from Myanmar is used little.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、11 March 07

 

About fifty tons of Myanmar buckwheat was imported to Japan from Myanmar this spring. But, the total amount of distribution and consumption will be very small because Myanmar buckwheat is not well known to Japan and has difficulty in keeping its quality during transportation.

 

添削

 

About fifty tons of Myanmar buckwheat was imported to Japan from Myanmar this spring. But, the total amount of distribution and consumption in Japan1 will be very small because Myanmar buckwheat is not well known to Japan and has difficulty in keeping its quality during transportation.

 

コメント

 

1.       「日本国内で」in Japanを入れると内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

About fifty tons of buckwheat was imported to Japan from Myanmar this spring. But the total amount of distribution and consumption in Japan will be very small because Myanmar buckwheat is not well known to Japan and has difficulty in keeping its quality during transportation.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 24 September 05

 

About fifty tons of Myanmar made buckwheat was imported into Japan in this spring. But total amount of distinction and consumption is said to have been very little because of its law name recognition and difficulty in quality control during importing.

 

添削

 

About fifty tons of Myanmar made buckwheat was imported into Japan from Myanmar1 in this spring. But the total amount of distinction distribution and consumption is said to have been very little small because of2 its law name recognition was low and difficulty in quality control during importing transportation was poor3.

 

コメント

 

1.       またはJapan imported about 50 tons of buckwheat from Myanmar this spring.とするとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       理由の説明が長いときはbecause of ~と説明句にするより、because ~と説明節にしたほうが表現が簡単になります。

 

3.       「輸入過程での品質保持の難しさ」は多分、ミャンマーから日本にソバを運搬するときの品質管理が良くない、ことでしょうから、添削のように具体的にしてよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

About fifty tons buckwheat was imported into Japan from Myanmar this spring. But the total amount of distribution and consumption is said to have been very small because its name recognition was low and quality control during transportation was poor.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(tama, 5 January 05

 

This spring, 50 ton of Soba made in Myanmar was imported into Japan. It is said that very few amount of soba made in Myanmar is distributed and consumed in Japan, because it is not well known and also it is difficult to keep its quality during transportation .

 

添削

 

This spring, 50 ton of Soba made in Myanmar was imported into Japan. It is said, however, that a1 very few amount of soba made in Myanmar 2is distributed and consumed in Japan, because it Myanmar Soba3 is not well known and also it is has4 difficulty in to keeping its quality during transportation .

 

コメント

 

1.       very few amountは「ほとんど(流通していない)」、a very few amountは「ほんのすこししか(流通していない)」という意味になります。どちらなのか実情は知らないのですが、後者にしました。

 

2.       Howeverを入れると、前の文との内容の関連がつよくなるのでミャンマー製そばを省略できます。

 

3.       ここはそばを繰り返して用いたほうが意味がはっきりしてよいでしょう。

 

4.       投稿のままでも意味はわかりますがbecause以下が長くなるのでhas difficulty in ~としてbecause以下の内容のまとまりをよくしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

This spring, 50 ton of Soba made in Myanmar was imported into Japan. It is said, however, that a very few amount is distributed and consumed in Japan because Myanmar Soba is not well known and has difficulty in keeping its quality during transportation .

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、31 August 04

 

About 50 tons of buckwheat noodles from Myanmar were imported into Japan this spring, but only a very small portion is being distributed or consumed because of a lack of efforts in making the product known to consumers and the difficulty in keeping good quality.

 

添削

 

About 50 tons of buckwheat noodles from Myanmar were imported from Myanmar into to Japan this spring,. but But1 only a very small portion of them is being distributed or consumed because of a lack of efforts in making the product known to consumers and the difficulty in keeping the product in good quality2.

 

コメント

 

1.       文が長いので、ここで切るとよいでしょう。

 

2.       Because of~には隠れた主語(輸入業者)があります。Because the importer lacks efforts in making the product known to consumers and has difficulty in keeping the product in good quality.二つの理由を並行形にするためにthe productを入れます。

 

添削後の文章

 

About 50 tons of buckwheat noodles were imported from Myanmar to Japan this spring. But only a very small portion of them is being distributed or consumed because of a lack of efforts in making the product known to consumers and the difficulty in keeping the product in good quality.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(TAMA, 22 Sept 03

 

This past spring, Myanmar exported about 50 tons of buckwheat to Japan. It is said, however, that the buckwheat has hardly been accepted in Japanese market because of its unfamiliarity and quality problems caused by shipping.

 

添削

 

This past spring, Myanmar1 exported about 50 tons of buckwheat to Japan. It is said, however, that the buckwheat has hardly been accepted in the Japanese market2 because of its unfamiliarity and quality problems caused by shipping.

 

コメント

 

TAMAさんは日本文の内容を的確、かつ簡潔に英文で表現しています。「今春約50トンのミャンマーそばが日本に輸入された。」といる日本文の最初の部分をMyanmarを主語にしたことで簡潔な表現になっています。このように英文の主語を日本文にとらわれずに決めると英文表現が簡潔になります。

 

「(ミャンマーからの)そばは(日本市場で)流通や消費される量は非常に少ない」をthe buckwheat has hardly been accepted in the Japanese marketと表現したのは的確ですね。日本文の語句にとらわれずに内容を英文で表現しています。

 

添削後の文章

 

This past spring, Myanmar exported about 50 tons of buckwheat to Japan. It is said, however, that the buckwheat has hardly been accepted in the Japanese market  because of its unfamiliarity and quality problems caused by shipping.

 

 

練習問題 83

 

札幌市中央区の専門学校、日本ビジネススクールは、公募した2組の結婚式を学生が無料でプロデュースし、10月に行う。何らかの理由で式を挙げられなかった夫婦を対象にする。

 

読者からの投稿 9(Tatsuo, 20 November 10

 

Nippon Business School, a vocational school in Chuo Ward, the City of Sapporo, plan to conduct a wedding ceremony in October that will be produced by its school students. The school will choose two couples among the applicants who could not celebrate their wedding ceremony before due to some reason.

 

添削

 

The1 Nippon Business School, a vocational school in Chuo Ward, the City of Sapporo, plans to conduct a wedding ceremony in October that will be produced by its school students. The school will choose two couples among the applicants who could not hold celebrate their wedding ceremonyies before due to some reasons.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       このような学校の固有名詞は定冠詞を付けるときと付けないときがありますい。Nippon Business Schoolは個性のない名称なので、ほかの同じような学校との区別を付けるために定冠詞を付けます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Nippon Business School, a vocational school in Chuo Ward, the City of Sapporo, plans to conduct a wedding ceremony in October that will be produced by its students. The school will choose two couples among the applicants who could not hold their wedding ceremonies  due to some reasons.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(26 October 09

 

The students of Nippon School of Business, a vocational college at Chuo-ku, Sapporo City, are going to produce wedding ceremonies free of charge for two couples they publicly selected from among applicants in October. Any couples who were unable to hold a ceremony for some reason are eligible for the public offer.

 

添削

 

The students of Nippon School of Business, a vocational college at Chuo-ku, Sapporo City, are going to produce wedding ceremonies free of charge for two couples they are going to publicly selected from among applicants in October. Any couples who were unable to hold a wedding ceremony for some reason are eligible for the public offer.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The students of Nippon School of Business, a vocational college at Chuo-ku, Sapporo City, are going to produce wedding ceremonies free of charge for two couples they are going to publicly select from applicants in October. Any couples who were unable to hold a wedding ceremony for some reason are eligible for the public offer.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 22 Apr 08

 

The students at The Japan Business School, a vocational school at Chuo Ward in Sapporo City, are going to organize the wedding ceremony for two couples of applicants for free and the ceremony will be held in October. The applicants are supposed to have been unable to hold their wedding ceremony for some reason.

 

添削

 

The students at The Japan Business School, a vocational school at Chuo Ward in Sapporo City, are going to organize the wedding ceremonyies for two couples of chosen out of applicants for free and the ceremony will be held in October. The applicants are supposed to have been unable to hold their wedding ceremony for some reasons.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。最期の文はThose couples who could not hold their wedding ceremony can apply for the free wedding ceremony.とすると内容がもっとはっきりするでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The students at The Japan Business School, a vocational school at Chuo Ward in Sapporo City, are going to organize wedding ceremonies for two couples chosen out of applicants for free in October. The applicants are supposed to have been unable to hold their wedding ceremony for some reasons.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 5 March 08

 

Nippon Business School, a professional college at Chuo Ward in Sapporo City, will hold two wedding ceremonies for free on this October. These ceremonies will be produced by the students in the school. Every couple who couldn't hold their wedding ceremony for some reason can apply this.

 

添削

 

Nippon Business School, a professional college at Chuo Ward in Sapporo City, will hold two wedding ceremonies for free on this October. These ceremonies will be produced by the students in at the school. Every Any couple who couldn't hold their wedding ceremony for some reason can apply this for this free wedding ceremony.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nippon Business School, a professional college at Chuo Ward in Sapporo City, will hold two wedding ceremonies for free this October. These ceremonies will be produced by the students at the school. Any couple who couldn't hold their wedding ceremony for some reason can apply for this free wedding ceremony.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、26 May 07

 

Nippon Business School, which is a technical school in Chuo Ward of Sapporo City, invites two couples from the public to produce their wedding ceremony on October. The two couples are selected under an application requirement. The requirement is whether some reasons prevented them from holding their wedding ceremony. The ceremonies are produced by students of the school.

 

添削

 

The1 Nippon Business School, which is a technical school in Chuo Ward of Sapporo City, invites two couples from the public for whom2 the school will to produce provide a free their wedding ceremony on this October. The two couples are will be selected from applicants who3 satisfy under an application requirement. Tthe requirement is whether that some reasons prevented them from holding their wedding ceremony. The ceremonies are will be produced by students of the school.

 

コメント

 

1.       固有名詞の定冠詞については一般的な規則はありますが、例外も多くあります。この例では一般的な規則に従った定冠詞を付けるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       添削のようにすると内容がよくわかります。

 

3.       「このような条件を持つ希望者の中から」ということをはっきりさせるために関係代名詞を使うとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Nippon Business School, which is a technical school in Chuo Ward of Sapporo City, invites two couples from the public for whom the school will provide a free wedding ceremony this October. The two couples will be selected from applicants who satisfy the requirement that some reasons prevented them from holding their wedding ceremony. The ceremonies will be produced by students of the school.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、11 March 07

 

Nippon Business School, a professional school in Tyuo Ward, Sapporo City will provide two couples collected from the public with a free wedding ceremony produced by its students on October. These will be performed for couples who could not have a wedding ceremony for some reasons.

 

添削

 

Nippon Business School, a professional technical1 school in Tyuo Ward, Sapporo City will provide two couples collected selected from the public with a free wedding ceremony produced by its students on in October2. These The free wedding ceremonies will be performed held for the couples who could not have a wedding ceremony for some reasons.

 

コメント

 

1.       専門学校はa technical schoolとよぶのが一般的です。

 

2.       「日本ビジネススクールは、公募した2組の結婚式を学生が無料でプロデュースし、10月に行う。」は内容が省略して書かれた日本文なので、英文で表現しようとすると難しいですね。岩ちゃんは内容を整理して次のように言いなおしています。「日本ビジネススクールは公募した2組のカップルに、(学生がプロデュースした)無料の結婚式を10月に提供する。英語の構文、A provides B with C.をうまく使っています。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nippon Business School, a technical school in Tyuo Ward, Sapporo City will provide two couples selected from the public with a free wedding ceremony produced by its students in October. The free wedding ceremonies will be held for the couples who could not have a wedding ceremony for some reasons.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 24 September 05

 

A special school in Chuo-ku Sapporo City, Japan Business School is going to produce wedding ceremonies for two applied couples on October free of charge. The ceremonies are going to be offered those who could not held it for some reasons.

 

添削

 

Students at Japan Business School1, A a special technical school in Chuo-ku, Sapporo City, Japan Business School is are going to produce a wedding ceremony ies for two applied couples2 chosen from applications on October free of charge. The ceremonies services3 are going to be offered to those who could not held hold their wedding ceremony it for some reasons.

 

コメント

 

1.       「札幌市中央区の専門学校、日本ビジネススクール」というように、固有名詞とその説明があるときは、固有名詞を先にして説明をあとにします。

 

2.       offer a wedding ceremony for two couplesとすると二つのカップルの合同結婚式のように思えますが、「二つのカップルのそれぞれに結婚式を提供する」という意味になります。offer wedding ceremonies to two couplesとはしません。英語の単数、複数の使い方の不思議なところです。

 

3.       ここはservicesとして、文のあとのほうにtheir wedding ceremonyといれると良いでしょう。日本ビジネススクールは結婚式自体ではなく、結婚式をしてあげるサービスを提供する、という理屈です。

 

添削後の文章

 

Students at Japan Business School, a special technical school in Chuo-ku, Sapporo City, are going to produce a wedding ceremony for two couples chosen from applications on October free of charge. The services are going to be offered to those who could not hold their wedding ceremony for some reasons.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、31 August 04

 

The Nippon Business School, a vocational college in Chuo Ward, Sapporo City, will have its students produce and hold wedding ceremonies for free for two couples selected from among applicants in October. Married couples who did not have a chance to hold their wedding ceremonies for some reason or other have the right to be chosen for this plan.

 

添削

 

The Nippon Business School, a vocational college in Chuo Ward, Sapporo City, will provide two couples with free wedding ceremony services organized by its students in October1. have its students produce and hold wedding ceremonies for free for two couples selected from among applicants in October.  Married couples who did not have have not had a chance to hold their wedding ceremonies for some reasons or other have the right to be chosen for this plan can apply for the service2.

 

コメント

 

1.       この専門学校にはwedding plannerの課程があるのでしょう。free wedding ceremony services organized by its studentsとすると、このことがわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       Apply を使うと表現が積極的になりわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Nippon Business School, a vocational college in Chuo Ward, Sapporo City, will provide two couples with free wedding ceremony services organized by its students in October. Married couples who have not had a chance to hold their wedding ceremonies for some reasons can apply for the service.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Kei, 4 Oct 03

 

The Japan Business School, a special school in Chuo Ward, Sapporo, is advertising for a couple who are married without holding a wedding ceremony. The students at the school will provide two such couples with free services of producing a wedding ceremony this October.

 

添削

 

The Japan Business School, a special school in Chuo Ward, Sapporo, is advertising for a couples who are married without holding have not held1 a wedding ceremony. The students at the school will provide two such couples with free services of producing and conducting2 a wedding ceremony this October.

 

コメント

 

1.       Keiさんは日本文の内容を二つの英文に分けてわかりやすくしています。「何らかの理由で式を挙げられなかった夫婦」はcouples who have not held a wedding ceremonyでよいと思います。a coupleには夫婦という意味があります。

 

2.       結婚式をプルデュースしてあげる、というのでproducing and conducting a wedding ceremonyとしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Japan Business School, a special school in Chuo Ward, Sapporo, is advertising for couples who have not held a wedding ceremony. The students at the school will provide two such couples with free services of producing and conducting a wedding ceremony this October.

 

 

練習問題 84

 

札幌ラーメンは、ほとんどの店がラーメンをみそ、塩、しょうゆの味に分けてある。全国のご当地ラーメンといわれるもので、札幌のようにスープの味を選択できるものは少ない。

 

読者からの投稿 12(文月、8 October 15

 

If you order a bowl of ramen or Japanese noodle soup dish at a Sapporo ramen place, you can generally choose its taste of soup among soy sauce, salt and miso. Although ramen has regional variations across Japan, a few of them offer a choice of soup like Sapporo ramen.

 

添削

 

If you order a bowl of ramen or Japanese noodle soup dish at a Sapporo ramen place restaurant in Sapporo, you can generally choose its taste of soup among from soy sauce, salt or and miso. Although ramen has regional variations across Japan, a few of them offer a choice of soup like Sapporo ramen.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。我がエドモントン市にも日本風ラーメンを出す日本料理店が数軒できました。カナダの日本料理ブームはもう長いこと続いていますが、日本料理の代表になったラーメンはなかなか根付きませんでした。いろいろと理由はありますが、私は北米では熱いスープをズルズルと音をだしてすすることは、テーブルマナーに反することなので、ラーメンのスープが温めになり、魅力を失うことだと思っています。最近では日本旅行でラーメンを楽しんだ人が音を出してラーメンを食べるようになり、それにつれてスープの温度も上がってきています。この傾向が続けば、エドモントンで熱々のスープのラーメンを日本料理店で食べられるようになる日も遠くはないでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

If you order a bowl of ramen or Japanese noodle soup at a ramen restaurant in Sapporo, you can generally choose its taste of soup from soy sauce, salt or miso. Although ramen has regional variations across Japan, a few of them offer a choice of soup like Sapporo ramen.

 

読者からの投稿 11(Valley winds, 13 November 12

 

Almost chinese noodle restaurants at Sapporo area divide a menu of chinese noodles into three tastes such as soybean paste, solt and soy sauce taste. Few local chinese noodles at all parts of the country provide choice of tastes of soups like Sapporo area.

 

添削

 

Almost all “Sapporo ramen chinese noodle soup1 restaurants in at Sapporo area divide2 have a menu of ramen chinese noodles with into three tastes of soup: such as soybean paste, salt solt and soy sauce taste. Few locally famous ramen3 chinese noodles in other at all parts of Japan the country provide such a choice of tastes of soups like Sapporo area.

 

コメント

 

大体の内容を推測できます。

 

1.       ラーメンは日本料理で中華料理ではない、というのが現在では一般的な認識でしょう。北米の都市では日本料理はすっかり定着していますが(スーパーに持ち帰りの寿司コーナーがあります)不思議なことにラーメン屋はごく少ないです。しかし、インスタント・ラーメンはいろいろな国のものがスーパーにならんでいます。インスタント・ラーメンはnoodle soupといいます。北米ではインスタントスープにいろいろな種類の具が入っている物が従来からあり、インスタント・ラーメンはラーメンの入ったインスタント・スープというわけです。実際、食事の時のスープになります。カナダにもインスタント・ラーメン会社があり、ここのインスタント・ラーメンは日本の物の三分の二ぐらいの分量です。スープということを意識したのもでしょう。

 

2.       メニューに味噌、塩、醤油と三つの項目があるのでしょうが、ここではA menu has three tastes of soup.としたほうがわかりやすいです。

 

3.       ご当地ラーメンはlocally famous ramen noodle soupでよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Almost all “Sapporo ramen” noodle soup restaurants in Sapporo have a menu of ramen  noodles with three tastes of soup: soybean paste, salt and soy sauce. Few locally famous ramen noodles in other parts of Japan provide such a choice of taste of soup .

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Tatsuo, 20 November 10

 

Most of the Sapporo ramen restaurants serve three kind of the taste of soup like Miso, Sio and Shoyu. Compared among a local ramen in a whole country, Sapporo ramen, which is a rare case, can choose the taste of soup.   

 

添削

 

Most of the Sapporo ramen restaurants serve three kinds of the taste of soup based on like bean paste, salt and soy source1 Miso, Sio and Shoyu. Compared aAmong a local-brand ramen in athe whole country, Sapporo ramen, which is unique a rare case, because customers2 can choose the taste of soup they like.   

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかります。

 

1.       日本食品の名称が英語圏でもだんだんと使われるようになりましたが、味噌、塩、醤油はすでに一般的な英語名称があるので、それらを使います。

 

2.       Sapporo ramenが主語ではなくて、customersが主語になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Most of Sapporo ramen restaurants serve three kinds of soup based on bean paste, salt and soy source.  Among local-brand ramen in the whole country, Sapporo ramen is unique  because customers can choose the taste of soup they like.   

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(mxtomi, 26 October 09

 

Most Sapporo ramen stores serve three different flavors for their ramen soup- miso, salt and soy source. Only a limited number of famous ramens with local flavors in Japan offer such choices of the taste of soup.

 

添削

 

Most Sapporo ramen stores serve three different flavors for their ramen soup - miso, salt and soy source. Only a limited number of locally famous ramens with local flavors in Japan offer such choices of the taste of soup.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Most Sapporo ramen stores serve three different flavors for their ramen soup - miso, salt and soy source. Only a limited number of locally famous ramen in Japan offer such choices of soup.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(kk, 23 April 08

 

Most of Sapporo ramen shops serve three tastes of soup - miso, salt, and soy sauce. Few kinds of original local ramen nationwide have such variety of soup as we can select by ourselves in Sapporo ramen.

 

添削

 

Most of Sapporo ramen shops in Sapporo1 serve three tastes of soup :- miso, salt, and soy sauce. Few kinds of original local ramen nationwide have such a variety of soup as Sapporo ramen we can select by ourselves in Sapporo ramen in Sapporo.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       日本のラーメン事情に疎いのですが、このように三種類のスープから好きに選べるのは札幌の札幌ラーメン店だけですか、それとも全国の札幌ラーメン店でも同様な選択ができるのですか。もしそうならin Sapporoは要りません。

 

添削後の文章

 

Most of Sapporo ramen shops in Sapporo serve three tastes of soup : miso, salt, and soy sauce. Few kinds of original local ramen have such a variety of soup as Sapporo ramen in Sapporo.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 6 March 08

 

When we order Sapporo ramen, we can usually choose the tastes of the soup from miso, salt and soy sauce. There are many different kinds of ramens all over Japan. But it is rare for us to choose the tastes of the soup like Sapporo.

 

添削

 

When we order Sapporo ramen, we can usually choose the tastes of the soup from miso, salt and soy sauce. There are many different kinds of locally famous ramens1 all over Japan. But it is rare for us to choose the tastes of the soup like Sapporo ramen.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「ご当地ラーメン」の説明を入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

When we order Sapporo ramen, we can usually choose the taste of the soup from miso, salt and soy sauce. There are many different kinds of locally famous ramen all over Japan. But it is rare for us to choose the taste of the soup like Sapporo ramen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(散歩人、26 May 07

 

The Sapporo ramen is mainly composed of three tastes: miso, salt, shoyu. Most of Sapporo ramen shops specialize in only taste. Among local ramens, it is a novel case that we can choose a favorite taste of a ramen.

 

添削

 

The Sapporo rRamen shops in Sapporo offer customers three choices of soup 1is mainly composed of three tastes: miso, salt, or shoyu. Most of locally famous Sapporo ramen shops specialize in only one kind of soup taste.  Among local ramens, it Sapporo ramen is a novel case among locally famous ramen that we can choose a favorite taste of a ramen.

 

コメント

 

1.       ラーメン大国日本のラーメン事情は複雑ですね。この文章の「札幌ラーメン」は札幌にあるラーメン店で「札幌ラーメン」を出すところという意味でしょう。このようなラーメン店では客がみそ、塩、しょうゆ味のスープを選べる、ということが文章の一番大切なところです。散歩人さんは「札幌ラーメン」には三つの味がある、と表現していますが、添削のようにしたほうがわかりやすいとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Ramen shops in Sapporo offer customers three choices of soup: miso, salt, or shoyu. Most of locally famous ramen shops specialize in only one kind of soup. Sapporo ramen is a novel case among locally famous ramen .

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、11 March 07

 

Sapporo ramen has three tastes of miso, salt and soy sauce in most of ramen restaurants. In famous ramen sold in Japan, we can hardly choose the tastes of soup except Sapporo ramen.

 

添削

 

Sapporo ramen in Sapporo has three tastes for soup1,of miso, salt and soy sauce, in most of ramen restaurants. This is rather an exception because2 In for locally-famous ramen sold in Japan, we can hardly choose the tastes of soup except Sapporo ramen.

 

添削

 

1.       three tastes of miso, salt and soy sourceとすると、味噌、塩、醤油味のスープのそれぞれに三つの選択がある、というようにも取れます。

 

2.       このようにすると前の文とのつながりがよくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Sapporo ramen in Sapporo has three tastes for soup, miso, salt and soy sauce, in most of ramen restaurants. This is rather an exception because for locally-famous ramen in Japan we can hardly choose the taste of soup.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 24 September 05

 

Most of Sapporo Ramen shop have three tastes of soup; Miso, Salt and Soy sauce. There are little local feature Ramens that we can select a taste of soup like Sapporo one.

 

添削

 

Most of Sapporo Rramen shop restaurants have three tastes of soup; : Miso, Ssalt and Ssoy sauce1. There are little few locally -featured Rramens2 that from which we can select a taste of soup like Sapporo oneRamen.

 

1.       日本文の内容を整理してわかりやすく表現していますね。

 

2.       「ご当地ラーメン」locally-featured ramensは面白い表現ですね。こういう合成名詞を作るときはlocal feature ramensではなくlocally-featured ramensというように合成名詞の中の名詞の関係がわかるようにします。ここでramensramenという物質名詞ではなく、「特別ラーメン」という一般名詞で、それが複数の種類ある、ということですね。文章の最後のSapporo Ramenは固有名詞ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Most of Sapporo ramen restaurants have three tastes of soup: Miso, salt and soy sauce. There are few locally-featured ramens from which we can select a taste of soup like Sapporo Ramen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(tama, 13 January 05

 

In most ramen restaurants in Sapporo, they cook three kinds of ramen whose soup is seasoned by miso, salt and soy source. In local famous ramen in Japan, there are a few of ramen whose soup tastes can be selected like Sapporo ramen.

 

添削

 

In most ramen restaurants in Sapporo, they cook three kinds of ramen whose soup is are1 seasoned by either1 miso, salt and or soy source. In locally famous ramen in Japan, there are a few2 of ramen whose soup tastes can be selected like as many as3 the Sapporo ramen.

 

コメント

 

1.       3種類のラーメンのスープなのでここを複数にして、either A or Bとするとそれぞれのスープが味噌味、塩味、醤油味であることがはっきりします。

 

2.       a fewは、少数だが存在する、と存在するほうが強調するので、few ramenと「ほとんどそんなラーメンは無い」と「無い」ほうを強調します。

 

3.       スープ味の種類が豊富と入れると意味がはっきりします。現在では全国各地の街角のラーメン屋で結構いろいろなスープのラーメンがあるようですが。ラーメンは不思議な日本食ですね。私の住むエドモントンは人口90万で日本レストラン(寿司、天ぷら、とんかつなど)が30軒近くあり北米の日本食ブームを反映していますが、ラーメンを出す店はありません。ただし中華料理屋は多分100軒以上あり(中国系の移民が多いです)いろいろな種類のメン料理を出しています。

 

添削後の文章

 

In most ramen restaurants in Sapporo, they cook three kinds of ramen whose soup are seasoned by either miso, salt or soy source. In locally famous ramen in Japan, there are few ramen whose soup can be selected as many as the Sapporo ramen.

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、1 September 04

 

In Sapporo, Hokkaido, you can choose from 3 different types of soup: miso(fermented soybean paste), salt and soy sauce for Sapporo "ramen" (Chinese noodles) at most Chinese noodles shops. Among the Chinese noodles featuring any specific place in Japan, few of them offer you such a selection of soup like Sapporo "ramen."

 

添削

 

In Sapporo, Hokkaido, you can order your “Sapporo ramen” from three different types of soup: miso (fermented soybean paste), salt, and soy sauce at most ramen1 shops. Among locally famous ramen2 in Japan, few can offer you such a selection of soup like “Sapporo ramen."

 

コメント

 

1.       ラーメンは中華そばではなくて日本食のようです。香港から来た友人がハワイの休暇から帰ってきて、「ハワイでとてもおいしい日本食を見つけた。」といいます。これがラーメンでした。エドモントンには広東料理の中華料理屋が50軒以上あります(中国系の移民が多い)。いろいろな麺(これもメンの種類によっていろいろな漢字があります)がありますが、ラーメンに似たものはありません。

 

2.       「ご当地ラーメン」を説明すると長くなるので、locally famous ramenと簡単にしました。丁寧に説明するとどうなりますか。”Gotouchi ramen” is a kind of ramen with a special combination of soup, spices, noodles and other ingredients that was originally popular only at specific localities but is now available nationwide. Hakata ramen and Sapporo ramen are two examples of such nationally popular “gotouci ramen.

 

添削後の文章

 

In Sapporo, Hokkaido, you can order your “Sapporo ramen” from three different types of soup: miso (fermented soybean paste), salt, and soy sauce at most ramen shops. Among locally famous ramen in Japan, few can offer you such a selection of soup like “Sapporo ramen."

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Ken, 11 Oct 03

 

Almost all ramen restaurants in Sapporo have miso, salt, and soy source. There are many locally famous ramen restaurants in Japan but very few of them offer customers with such a variety of soup.

 

添削

 

At Aalmost all ramen restaurants in Sapporo, customers can choose their favorite soup1 from have miso, salt, and soy source soups. There are many locally famous ramen restaurants in Japan2 but very few of them offer customers with such the same varieties3 a variety of soup.

 

コメント

 

1.       内容を添削のように補充するとわかりやすくなります。このように内容を拡張、補充して英文で表現しやすいようにするのも英文を書くコツです。

 

2.       「全国のご当地ラーメンといわれるもので」をAmong locally famous ramen, very few offer ~とラーメンを主語にするより、Kenさんのようにラーメン店を主語にしたほうが文がわかりやすくなりますね。

 

3.       添削のように具体的にしたほうがよいと思います。

 

添削後の文章

 

At almost all ramen restaurants in Sapporo, customers can choose their favorite soup from miso, salt, and soy soups. There are many locally famous ramen restaurants in Japan but very few of them offer customers with the same varieties of soup.

 

 

練習問題 85

 

石狩湾で9月3日、今秋初めてのサケの定置網が行われた。冷夏の影響で周辺の水温が下がったためにサケの集まりがよく、漁獲量は約5千匹、合計15トン。昨年の初水揚げを大きく上回った。

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 13 November 12

 

They fished for salmon using fixed shore nets at Ishikari Bay on September 3 for the first time In this autumn. Many salmons collected with lower temperature of around sea because of a cool summer this year and the amount of fishing was about 5000, which total weight is 15 tons.

 

添削

 

They Fishermen1 started fished for salmon fishing by using fixed shore nets at Ishikari Bay on September 3 for the first time In this autumn. Many salmons gathered in the bay as collected  with lower the water temperature2 dropped of around sea because of a the cool summer this year and the number amount of salmon caught fishing was about 5,000, with the which total weight of is 15 tons. This was much larger than the fist fishing last year.

 

コメント

 

内容のほぼすべてがわかります。

 

1.       代名詞で文章を始めると誰のことかわかりません。

 

2.       水温が低い、ということでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Fishermen started salmon fishing by fixed nets at Ishikari Bay on September 3 for the first time this autumn. Many salmon gathered in the bay as the water temperature dropped  because of the cool summer this year and the number of salmon caught was about 5,000 with the total weight of 15 tons. This was much larger than the fist fishing last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(OKEN, 19 June 12

 

The first fixed net fishing for salmon in this autumn was done at Ishikari Bay on September 3. This cold summer caused a fall in sea temperature around the bay, and so, salmon abounded in this area. As a result, the salmon catch was about five thousand pieces, 15 tons. The quantity significantly exceeded the last year’s first catch.

 

添削

 

The first fixed net fishing for of salmon in this autumn was tried done at Ishikari Bay on September 3. This The cold summer this year caused a fall in the sea temperature around the bay, and so, attracted more salmon abounded in to this area. As a result, the salmon catch was about five thousand pieces, or 15 tons. The catch quantity significantly exceeded that of the last year’s first catch.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The first fixed net fishing of salmon this autumn was tried at Ishikari Bay on September 3. The cold summer this year caused a fall in the sea temperature around the bay and  attracted more salmon to this area. As a result, the salmon catch was about five thousand pieces, or 15 tons. The catch significantly exceeded that of last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(Tatsuo, 24 November 10

 

The fixing net for salmon fishing set in the bay of Ishikari on September 3. This is the first time in this autumn. This cold summer affected good for salmon, because water temperature around the bay subsided. The fish catches is 5,000, total weight is 15 ton. 

 

添削

 

The fixing fixed net for salmon fishing was set in the bBay of Ishikari on September 3. This was is the first time in this autumn. The This cold summer was affected good for salmon fishing, because the water temperature around the bay decreased and attracted a large number of salmon1 subsided. The fish catches was is 5,000 salmon, or total weight is 15 tons in weight, and was much larger than the first catch of the season last year. 

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかりますが、最後のところが抜けています。

 

1.       この説明をいれたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The fixed net for salmon fishing was set in the Bay of Ishikari on September 3. This was  the first time this autumn. The cold summer was good for salmon fishing, because the water temperature around the bay decreased and attracted a large number of salmon. The fish catch was 5,000 salmon, or 5 tons in weight, and was much larger than the first catch of the season last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 26 October 09

 

This year’s first salmon fishing by fixed nets was conducted in the Ishikari bay on September 3. Thanks to the unusually cool summer that had sent down the sea temperature in the bay, a large cloud of salmon was lured into the nets. The catch amounted to as much as 5,000 salmon or 15 tons in total, far surpassing the first catch last year.

 

添削

 

This year’s first salmon fishing by fixed nets was conducted in the Ishikari bBay on September 3. Thanks to the unusually cool summer that had decreased sent down the sea temperature in the bay, a large cloud school of salmon came into the bay and were1 was lured into the nets. The catch amounted to as much many2 as 5,000 salmon or 15 tons in total, far surpassing the first catch last year.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       ここではサケの数が大切ですからa large school of salmonの一匹一匹を数えて複数にするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       as many as 5,000 salmonのほうに合わせてmanyにします。

 

添削後の文章

 

This year’s first salmon fishing by fixed nets was conducted in the Ishikari Bay on September 3. Thanks to the unusually cool summer that had decreased the sea temperature in the bay, a large school of salmon came into the bay and were lured into the nets. The catch amounted to as many as 5,000 salmon or 15 tons in total, far surpassing the first catch last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(kk, 24 April 08

 

On September 3, salmons were fished by using fixed nets for the first time this fall at Ishikari Bay. The low temperature of waters because of cold summer has brought many salmons and resulted in the amount of as much as 15 tons for about 5,000 salmons. The first catch of this year has far exceeded that of the last year.

 

添削

 

On September 3, salmons were fished by using fixed nets for the first time this fall in the at Ishikari Bay. The low water temperature in the bay of waters because of the cold summer has brought many salmons to the bay and resulted in the large amount of fishing, as much as 15 tons for about 5,000 salmons. The first catch of this year has far exceeded that of the last year.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On September 3, salmons were fished by fixed nets for the first time this fall in the Ishikari Bay. The low water temperature in the bay because of the cold summer has brought many salmons to the bay and resulted in the large amount of fishing, as much as 15 tons for about 5,000 salmons. The first catch of this year has far exceeded that of the last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、27 May 07

 

On September 3rd in the Ishikari Bay, a fixed netting for salmons fishing was held in the first time of this year. There were many salmon at the fishing ground because this cold summer reduced the temperature around there. As the result, the total landing amount of salmons was 50 tons for five thousand salmons, and this amount is much more than the last first fixed netting.

 

添削

 

On September 3rd in the Ishikari Bay, a fixed netting for salmons fishing using a fixed net was held in Ishikari Bay for in the first time of this year1. There were many salmon at the fishing ground because this the cold summer had reduced the temperature in the bay around there and enticed a large number of salmon into the bay2. As the result, the total catch landing amount of salmons was 50 tons for five thousand salmon.s, and tThis amount is was much more than the last first salmon catch last year fixed netting.

 

コメント

 

1.       添削のような順序にすると読みやすくなります。

 

2.       「水温が低くためにサケがよく集まった。」と因果関係をはっきりと表現するととよいでしょう。had reducedenticed〈過去形〉より前の事象なので過去完了形になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On September 3rd, salmons fishing using a fixed net was held in Ishikari Bay for the first time this year. There were many salmon at the fishing ground because the cold summer had reduced the temperature in the bay and enticed a large number of salmon into the bay. As the result, the total catch was 50 tons for five thousand salmon. This amount was much more than the first salmon catch last year .

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、11 March 07

 

On September 3, fixed nets of salmon were established for the first time this autumn at Ishikari Bay. As the temperature of seawater in Ishikari Bay had lowered by the influence of cold summer, a great number of salmon gathered there. The fish catches were about 5,000 or 15 tons. The first catch of this year much exceeded that of last year.

 

添削

 

On September 3, salmon fishing by fixed nets of salmon were established began for the first time this autumn at Ishikari Bay. As the temperature of seawater in Ishikari Bay had been1 lowered by the influence of cold summer, a great number of salmon gathered there. The fish catches of the day was were about 5,000 salmon or 15 tons. The first catch of this year much far exceeded that of last year.

 

コメント

 

1.       He lowered himself slowly into the water.のようにlowerは他動詞なので、ここでは受動態になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On September 3, salmon fishing by fixed nets began for the first time this autumn at Ishikari Bay. As the temperature of seawater in Ishikari Bay had been lowered by the influence of cold summer, a great number of salmon gathered there. The catch of the day was about 5,000 salmon or 15 tons. The first catch of this year far exceeded that of last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 24 September 05

 

On September 3, fixed netting for salmon was held for the first time in this fall at Gulf Ishikawa. Thanks to lower water temperature caused by cold summer, so many salmons gathered and about 5000 number, total 15tons of salmons were caught. This year’s fast catches of fish highly exceed that of last year.

 

添削

 

On September 3, fixed netting for of salmon was held for the first time in this fall1 at Gulf Ishikawa Ishikari Bay. Thanks to the lower-than-usual2 water temperature caused by the cold summer, so many a large number of salmons gathered in the bay and about 5,000 numberor, total 15 tons of salmons were caught. This year’s fast catches of fish highly exceeded that of the last year by a large margin.

コメント

 

1.       通常はthis fallとして、副詞句として使います。

 

2.       lowerは比較級なので通常は比較の対象が必要です。

 

添削後の文章

 

On September 3, fixed netting of salmon was held for the first time this fall at Ishikawa Bay. Thanks to the lower-than-usual water temperature caused by the cold summer, a large number of salmon gathered in the bay and about 5,000 or 15 tons of salmon were caught. This year’s fast catch exceeded that of the last year by a large margin.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、1 September 04

 

In Ishikari Bay on September 3, the fixed-net fishing for salmon was conducted for the first time this fall. The lower water temperature of the surrounding area caused by unusually cool summer enabled a lot of salmon to gather near the net. About 5,000 salmon weighing a total of 15 tons were caught, which was well over the first catch of last year.

 

添削

 

In the Ishikari Bay on September 3, the fixed-net fishing for salmon was conducted for the first time this fall. The lower-than-normal1 water temperature of the surrounding ocean that was2 caused by the unusually cool summer attracted3 a lot of salmon to the  bay. About 5,000 salmon weighing a total of 15 tons were caught. This4 was well over the first catch of last year.

 

コメント

 

1.       比較級には通常は較べるものを必要とします。

 

2.       The lower-than-normal water temperature caused by ~とすると、主語のすぐ後ろのcausedという他動詞来るので、「低温が〜を引き起こした」というように一瞬判断します。本当の動詞は文のまだ後ろにあるので、誤解を避けるためには添削のようにすると良いでしょう。

 

3.       添削のようにすると表現が簡潔になります。

 

4.       コンマで文が一息しますが、ピリオドで文を切ったほうが、読んだときにリズムがあります。

 

添削後の文章

 

In the Ishikari Bay on September 3, the fixed-net fishing for salmon was conducted for the first time this fall. The lower-than-normal water temperature of the surrounding ocean that was caused by the unusually cool summer attracted a lot of salmon to the bay. About 5,000 salmon weighing a total of 15 tons were caught. This4 was well over the first catch of last year.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(かえで、11 Oct 03

 

On September 3, fishermen caught salmon by a fixed net in Ishikari Bay for the first time this fall. The cold summer reduced the water temperature in the bay and invited a large school of salmon to the bay. The fishermen caught about 5,000 salmon, or 15 tons of them, a much larger catch than the first salmon fishing last year.

 

添削

 

On September 3, fishermen caught salmon by using a fixed net in Ishikari Bay this fall for the first time this fall. The cold summer had1 reduced the water temperature in the bay and which2 enticed invited a large school of salmon into the bay. The fishermen caught about 5,000 salmon, or 15 tons, of them, which was3 a much larger catch than the first salmon fishing catch last year.

 

コメント

 

1.       「冷夏の影響で周辺の水温が下がったためにサケの集まりがよく」では「水温が下がった」ことが「サケの集まりがよく」より前に起きたことなので動詞の時制がひとつ前になり過去完了形になります。

 

2.       Whichにすると水温とサケの集まりの関係がはっきりします。

 

3.       完全な文にしたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On September 3, fishermen caught salmon by using a fixed net in Ishikari Bay this fall for the first time. The cold summer had reduced the water temperature in the bay which enticed a large school of salmon into the bay. The fishermen caught about 5,000 salmon, or 15 tons, which was a much larger catch than the first salmon catch last year.

 

 

 

練習問題 86

 

くまもと地域自治体研究所は9月2日、熊本市大江の熊本学園大で「新幹線は何をもたらすか」をテーマに例会を開き、来年3月に部分開業する九州新幹線鹿児島ルートの問題点などについて意見を交わした。

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 23 October 12

 

The Kumamoto Institute of Municipality held a regular meeting on the theme of “What does provide the Shinkansen?” at Kumamoto Gakuen University at Ooe in Kumamoto City on September 2. They discussed some problems about the Kagoshina route of the Kyusyuu Shinkansen, which will be partially opened on next March, each other.

 

添削

 

The Kumamoto Institute of Municipalityies held a regular meeting on the theme of “What doeswill provide the Shinkansen bring to us?” at Kumamoto Gakuen University at Ooe in Kumamoto City on September 2. The participants They discussed some problems about the Kagoshina route of the Kyusyuu Shinkansen, which would will be partially opened on next March, each other.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Kumamoto Institute of Municipalities held a regular meeting on the theme of “What will  the Shinkansen bring to us?” at Kumamoto Gakuen University at Ooe in Kumamoto City on September 2. The participants discussed some problems about the Kagoshina route of the Kyusyuu Shinkansen, which would be partially opened next March.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Tatsuo, 24 November 10

 

The Institute of Local government of Kumamoto held a regular meeting at University of Kumamoto Gakuen at Oe in the city of Kumamoto on September 2. The main topic of the meeting was that “What will Shinkansen bring to Kumamoto.” The attendants discussed the issue of the Kagoshima Route in Kyusyu Shinkansen that will partially start the operation from next March.   

 

添削

 

The Institute of Local gGovernment Study1 of Kumamoto held a regular meeting at University of Kumamoto Gakuen at Oe in the cCity of Kumamoto on September 2. The main topic of the meeting was that2 “What will Shinkansen bring to Kumamoto.?” The attendants discussed the issue of the Kagoshima Route of in Kyusyu Shinkansen that would3 will partially start its the operation from next March.   

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       これをいれたほうが地域自治体の研究をする、ということがよくわかるでしょう。

 

2.       引用句があるのでthatはいりません。

 

動詞の時制の一致になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Institute of Local Government Study1 of Kumamoto held a regular meeting at University of Kumamoto Gakuen at Oe in the City of Kumamoto on September 2. The main topic of the meeting was “What will Shinkansen bring to Kumamoto?” The attendants discussed the issue of the Kagoshima Route of Kyusyu Shinkansen that would partially start its operation  next March.   

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 30 October 09

 

The Kumamoto institute of local governments held its regular meeting on the theme of “What will the Kyushu Shinkansen bring about?” at Kumamoto Gakuen University, in Oe, Kumamoto City on September 2. The participants exchanged their individual opinions on various issues with respect to the Shinkansen Kagoshima Route scheduled to begin partial service in March next year.

 

添削

 

The Kumamoto iInstitute of lLocal gGovernments held its regular meeting on the theme of “What will the Kyushu Shinkansen bring about for us?” at Kumamoto Gakuen University, in Oe, Kumamoto City on September 2. The participants exchanged their individual opinions on various issues with respect to the Shinkansen Kagoshima Route scheduled to begin its partial services in March next year.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Kumamoto Institute of Local Governments held its regular meeting on the theme of “What will the Kyushu Shinkansen bring about for us?” at Kumamoto Gakuen University, in Oe, Kumamoto City on September 2. The participants exchanged their opinions on various issues with respect to the Shinkansen Kagoshima Route scheduled to begin its partial services in March next year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 25 April 08

 

The Kumamoto Community Research Institute had a regular conference on the theme of "What will Kyushu bullet train bring to us?" at Kumamoto Gakuen University in Ohe distict, Kumamoto City on September 2. There was a discussion about possible problems caused by the Kagoshima route of Kyushu bullet train which would be partly operated from the next March.

 

添削

 

The Kumamoto Community Research Institute had a regular conference meeting on the theme of "What will the Kyushu bullet train bring to us?" at Kumamoto Gakuen University in the Ohe distict, Kumamoto City on September 2. The participants in the meeting1 There was a discussion discussed about possible problems that could be caused by the Kagoshima route of the Kyushu bullet train which would be partly partially operated from the next March.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「新幹線は何をもたらすか」という例会なので、この問題について討議したのでしょう。There was a discussionとすると、いろいろな議題の中でこのことについても討議した、となります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Kumamoto Community Research Institute had a regular meeting on the theme of "What will the Kyushu bullet train bring to us?" at Kumamoto Gakuen University in the Ohe distict, Kumamoto City on September 2. The participants in the meeting discussed about problems that could be caused by the Kagoshima route of the Kyushu bullet train which would be partially operated next March.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 24 March 08

 

Institute of Local Government in Kumamoto held a regular meeting at Kumamoto Gakuen University in Ohe, Kumamoto City on September 2. Attendees discussed the issue of new Shinkansen line called Kagoshima Route of Kyushu Shinkansen which will partially open on next March.

 

添削

 

The Kumamoto Institute of Local Government in Kumamoto held a its regular meeting at Kumamoto Gakuen University in Ohe, Kumamoto City on September 2. Attendees discussed the issue of new related to a new Shinkansen1 line called the Kagoshima Route of Kyushu Shinkansen which will partially open on next March.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       The Shinkansenが英語圏で通用する固有名詞と扱いました。 まだそれほど確立された名称ではない、と考えるならthe Shinknasen bullet trainとするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Kumamoto Institute of Local Government held its regular meeting at Kumamoto Gakuen University in Ohe, Kumamoto City on September 2. Attendees discussed the issue  related to a new Shinkansen line called the Kagoshima Route of Kyushu Shinkansen which will partially open next March.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、27 May 07

 

The Kumamoto Institute of Local Government held a symposium for"What does Shinkansen ?" at Kumamoto Gakuen University in Oe of Kumamoto City, on September 2nd. At the symposium, the members of the institute discussed several problems which the Kagoshima route of the Kyushu-shinkansen is going to bring to people and an environments around there.

 

添削

 

The Kumamoto Institute of Local Government held a symposium on the theme, for"What does a new Shinkansen bullet train bring to Kumamoto1?" at Kumamoto Gakuen University in Oe, of Kumamoto City, on September 2nd. At the symposium, the members of the institute discussed several problems issues2 which the Kagoshima route of the Kyushu-shinkansen is might raise for going to bring to people and an the environments3 in the prefecture around there.

 

コメント

 

1.       添削のようの説明を加えるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       problemsとすると悪影響のある問題、になりますが、新幹線の影響は好悪両方の影響があるでしょうから、problemsより一般的なissuesにしました。

 

3.       the environmentで自然環境に意味になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

 

The Kumamoto Institute of Local Government held a symposium on the theme, "What does a new Shinkansen bullet train bring to Kumamoto?" at Kumamoto Gakuen University in Oe,  Kumamoto City, on September 2nd. At the symposium, the members of the institute discussed several issues which the Kagoshima route of the Kyushu-shinkansen might raise for people and the environment in the prefecture.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、12 March 07

 

The research institute for studying the autonomous community in Kumamoto area had a regular meeting at Kumamoto-gakuen university in Ooe, Kumamoto City on September 2. The theme was "What will be brought to us by Shinkansen?". Attendants discussed the issues relating to the Kagoshima root of the Kyushu Sinkansen that would be partially opened next March.

 

添削

 

The Kumamoto Rresearch iInstitute for sStudying Local Government1 the autonomous community in Kumamoto area had a regular meeting at Kumamoto-gGakuen uUniversity in Ooe, Kumamoto City on September 2. The theme was "What will be brought to us by the Shinkansen?2". Attendants discussed the issues relating to the Kagoshima root route of the Kyushu Sinkansen that would be partially opened next March.

 

コメント

 

1.       「くまもと地域自治体研究所」は固有名詞なので大文字を使います。くまもと地域 自治体研究所と切れるのではなく、くまもと 地域自治体研究所となります。

 

2.       What does the Shinkansen bring to us?と能動態で表現すると、印象が強くなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Kumamoto Research Institute for Studying Local Government had a regular meeting at Kumamoto-Gakuen University in Ooe, Kumamoto City on September 2. The theme was "What will be brought to us by the Shinkansen?" Attendants discussed the issues relating to the Kagoshima route of the Kyushu Sinkansen that would be partially opened next March.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 26 September 05

 

On September 2, Kumamoto Institute for Local Government held regular meeting about “what will the Shinkansen Bullet Train bring” at Kumamoto Gakuen University in Kumamoto City. At the meeting, problems about kagoshima route of Kyushu Shinkansen Bullet Train that is going to open partly in march next were discussed.

 

添削

 

On September 2, the Kumamoto Institute for Local Government held a regular meeting about “wWhat will the Shinkansen Bullet Train bring to Kumamoto?1” at Kumamoto Gakuen University in Kumamoto City. At the meeting, attendants discussed2 potential problems about of the kKagoshima route of the Kyushu Shinkansen Bullet Train that is would partly going to open partly next March in march next were discussed.

 

コメント

 

1.       括弧の中を大文字で始めることで、この例会では括弧内のことがテーマだとわかりやすくなるでしょう。

 

2.       出席者を主語にすると文がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On September 2, the Kumamoto Institute for Local Government held a regular meeting about “What will the Shinkansen Bullet Train bring to Kumamoto?” at Kumamoto Gakuen University in Kumamoto City. At the meeting, attendants discussed potential problems of the Kagoshima route of the Kyushu Shinkansen Bullet Train that would partly open  next March.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、2 September 04

 

"Kumamoto Chiiki Jichitai Kenkyusho" (Kumamoto Local Government Research Institute) held a regular meeting on September 2 at the Kumamoto Gakuen University in Ooe, Kumamoto City on the subject of "What will the Shinkansen bullet train bring to us." The participants at the meeting exchanged views about some problems of the Kagoshima route of the Kyushu Shinkansen, which will partly be in service next March.

 

添削

 

"Kumamoto Chiiki Jichitai Kenkyusho" (Kumamoto Local Government Research Institute of Local Government1) held a regular meeting on September 2 at the Kumamoto Gakuen University2 in Ooe, Kumamoto City, on the subject of "What will the Shinkansen bullet train bring to us?." The participants at the meeting3 exchanged views about on4 some problems related to5 of the Kagoshima route of the Kyushu Shinkansen, which that6 will partly be in service next March.

 

コメント

 

1.       Kumamoto Local Government Instituteは熊本地域自治体の(運営する)研究所という意味にとれます。Kumamoto Research Institute of Local Governmentとすると地域自治体を対象とする熊本研究所となります。たぶん後者ではないかと思います。

 

2.       大学名にはtheが付くものと付くないものがあります。The University of Washingtonのように場所の名前の付いた大学には通常はtheがつきます。Harvard Universityのようにuniversityが後にくるものはtheが付きません。熊本学園大学は前者でホームページによるとKumamoto Gakuen Universityとなっています。熊本大学はThe University of Kumamotoかと思ってホームページを見るとKumamoto Universityとなっていました。

 

3.       マウント60さんは日本文の内容を二つの英文にわけてわかりやすく表現しています。日本文では「くまもと地域自治体研究所」が文章全体の主語になっていますが、英文で二つにわけたときにはマウント60さんのように2番目の主語はthe participants at the meetingとするとよいですね。

 

4.       View about ~, view on ~ のどちらでも良いです。用例を調べていないので細かな相違があるのかどうかわかりません。この文例ではonのほうが感じが良いように思えます。

 

5.       Some problems of the Kagoshima routeとすると鹿児島ルートに直接関係した土木関係、技術関係の問題というように感じます。添削のようにして、鹿児島ルートに派生した問題、にしました。

 

6.       コンマで一息つかないほうが、関係代名詞の前と後の内容を密接に結ぶためによいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Kumamoto Chiiki Jichitai Kenkyusho" (Kumamoto Research Institute of Local Government) held a regular meeting on September 2 at Kumamoto Gakuen University in Ooe, Kumamoto City, on the subject of "What will the Shinkansen bullet train bring to us?" The participants at the meeting exchanged views on some problems related to the Kagoshima route of the Kyushu Shinkansen that will partly be in service next March.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Maya, 4 Oct 03

 

On September 2, the Kamamoto Institute of Local Governments held its regular meeting at Kumamoto Gakuen University in Ohe, Kumamoto on a theme, “What does a new bullet train bring to Kumamoto Prefecture?” Participants exchanged opinions about a new Kagoshima route of the Kyusyu bullet train that would start partial operation next March.

 

添削

 

On September 2, the Kamamoto Institute of Local Governments1 held its regular meeting at Kumamoto Gakuen University in Ohe, Kumamoto on a the theme, “What does a new bullet train bring to Kumamoto Prefecture?” At the meeting2, Pparticipants exchanged opinions discussed3 about a new Kagoshima route of the Kyusyu bullet train that would start partial operation next March.

 

コメント

 

1.       ここでは「地方自治体」一般を指しているので単数にします。「九州地方自治体連合会」というものがあれば、the Association of Local Governments in Kyusyuというように複数になります。

 

2.       日本文では「〜例会を開き、来年3月に〜」というように文の内容が「開き」で続いていきます。しかし、内容はMayaさんのように二つに分かれます。英文で文と文の内容のつながりをよくするためにAt the meeting,をいれました。このように一つの日本文の内容をいくつかの英文で分けて表現するときには文と文のつながりをつけるための工夫が必要になります。

 

3.       「意見を交わした」をexchanged opinionsとすると、参加者がそれぞれの主張を言いっぱなしにした、という感じになります。discussedとすると討論をした、ということになります。文脈から多分「討論をした」のほうに近いと思われるので添削のようにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

On September 2, the Kamamoto Institute of Local Government1 held its regular meeting at Kumamoto Gakuen University in Ohe, Kumamoto on the theme, “What does a new bullet train bring to Kumamoto Prefecture?” At the meeting2, participants  discussed3 about a new Kagoshima route of the Kyusyu bullet train that would start partial operation next March.

 

 

練習問題 87

 

今年の夏は長雨と低温傾向のために熊本県内の海水浴場やビアガーデンへの客足は大きく減少した。

 

読者からの投稿 12(文月、8 October 15

 

This summer, a long spell of rainy weather and an unusually cool temperature made customers drift away to a considerable degree from swimming beaches and beer gardens in Kumamoto Prefecture.

 

添削

 

This summer, a long spell of rainy weather and an unusually cool temperature made customers drift away to a considerable degree from swimming beaches and beer gardens in Kumamoto Prefecture.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 11(Valley winds, 23 November 12

 

The amount of customers in Kumamoto Prefecture who went for a swim in the sea and went to beer gardens dropped down this summer, because this summer was rainy weather and cool.

 

添削

 

The number amount of people customers in Kumamoto Prefecture who went for a swimswimming  at the beach1 in the sea and went to beer gardens dropped down this summer, because this summer was rainy weather and cool.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

実際には海の中で泳ぐわけですが、英語の表現ではこうなります。日本語の「海水浴場に行く」という表現と同じです。日光浴や海岸で遊ぶだけの人もいるからでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of people in Kumamoto Prefecture who went swimming at the beach and went to beer gardens dropped down this summer because this summer was rainy and cool.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Tatsuo, 24 November 10

 

In this summer, both of the number of the visitors to a beach in Kumamoto and the patrons of a bear hall drastically decreased due to the long rain and the lasted low temperature. 

 

添削

 

In tThis summer1, both of the number of the visitors to the a beaches in Kumamoto and the patrons of a bear hall beer gardens drastically decreased in Kumamoto Prefecture due to a lot of rainy days3 the long rain and the lasted low temperatures. 

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかります。

 

1.       副詞句としてこのように使うことが多いです。

 

2.       熊本では熊も(と)ビールを飲む、というのはユーモアがあります。

 

3.       梅雨が長かったのならば、the long rainy seasonですが、「夏に長雨が続いた」ので「雨の降る日が多かった」、にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

This summer, the number of visitors to the beaches and beer gardens drastically decreased in Kumamoto Prefecture due to a lot of rainy days and low temperatures. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(mxtomi, 30 October 09

 

The long spell of rain and unusually cool climate during this summer kept lots of people away from bathing beaches and beer gardens in Kumamoto prefecture.

 

添削

 

The long spell of rain and unusually cool climate during this summer kept lots of people away from bathing beaches and beer gardens in Kumamoto prefecturePrefecture.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The long spell of rain and unusually cool climate during this summer kept lots of people away from bathing beaches and beer gardens in Kumamoto Prefecture.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(kk, 26 April 08

 

Persisting rainy days and lower temperatures this summer has significantly reduced the number of people going to beaches and beer gardens in Kumamoto Prefecture.

 

添削

 

Persisting rainy days and lower temperatures this summer has significantly reduced the number of people going to beaches and beer gardens in Kumamoto Prefecture.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。長雨と低温を主語にしたので文がわかりやすいですね。

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 29 March 08

 

The number of people who went to beaches and beer gardens in Kumamoto Prefecture was severely decreased this summer because it had been raining longer than average year and the temperature remained low.

 

添削

 

The number of people who went to beaches and beer gardens in Kumamoto Prefecture was1 severely decreased this summer because it had been raining longer more rainy days than the average year and the temperature remained low.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       The number was reduced by the rainy and cool summer.という形なら受動態になりますが、The number was reduced because the summer was rainy.とすると数を減らした行為者がなになのか曖昧になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of people who went to beaches and beer gardens in Kumamoto Prefecture severely decreased this summer because it had more rainy days than the average year and the temperature remained low.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(散歩人、28 May 07

 

The long rainy season and the tendency of lower temperature this year brought the decreasing number of customer to a beach and a beer garden in Kumamoto Prefecture.

 

添削

 

The long rainy season and the tendency of towards the lower temperature this year brought the decreasinged1 the number of customers to a beaches and a beer gardens in Kumamoto Prefecture.

 

コメント

 

1.       簡単な表現のほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The long rainy season and the tendency towards the lower temperature this year  decreased the number of customers to beaches and beer gardens in Kumamoto Prefecture.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、12 March 07

 

Because of the long rain and low temperature, the number of customers to bathing beaches and beer gardens significantly decreased this summer in Kumamoto Prefecture.

 

添削

 

Because of the long rain and low temperature, the number of customers to bathing beaches and beer gardens significantly decreased this summer in Kumamoto Prefecture.

 

コメント

 

添削箇所はありません。「客足は大きく減少した。」はthe number of customers significantly decreasedですね。「客足が遠のいた」など面白い表現がありますね。

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 26 September 05

 

Because of long rainy season and law temperature, the number of customers that went swimming or beer garden was largely dropped.

 

添削

 

Because of the long rainy season and law low temperature, the number of customers that went swimming or to beer gardens was largely dropped reduced this summer in the Kumamoto prefecture1.

 

コメント

 

1.       「今年の夏」と「熊本県内の」は重要な情報ですから文に入れる必要があります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Because of the long rainy season and low temperature, the number of customers that went swimming or to beer gardens was largely reduced this summer in the Kumamoto prefecture.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(tama, 13 January 05

 

This summer, visitors to seaside resort and beer garden, reduced due to long rain and comparatively low temperature in Kumamoto Prefecture.

 

添削

 

This summer, visitors to seaside resorts and beer gardens, reduced decreased1 due to long rains2 and comparatively low temperatures2 in the Kumamoto Prefecture.

 

コメント

 

1.       reduceは他動詞なのでvisitors were reduced by long rains and low temperaturesの形をとります。visitors decreased due to long rains and low temperaturesとしても短い文なので因果関係はよくわかります。

 

2.       ずっと続いた長雨ならばa period of long continuous rainでも良いでしょうが、雨の降る時が多かった、ならlong rainsと複数形を使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

This summer, visitors to seaside resorts and beer gardens decreased due to long rains and comparatively low temperatures in the Kumamoto Prefecture.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、2 September 04

 

Due to a long spell of rain and chilly weather this summer, there has been a major drop in the number of people who went out to the beaches or beer gardens in Kumamoto Prefecture.

 

添削

 

Due to1 a long spell of rain and chilly weather2 this summer, there has been a major drop in the number of people who went out to the beaches or beer gardens in Kumamoto Prefecture.

 

コメント

 

1.       His success was due to his foresight.のようにある事柄がある条件に密接に関連した結果である、というときにつかいます。投稿例のようにDue to ~と文頭につかって、「〜のために、〜だから」という使い方もあります。伝統的な英語にはこの使い方は無く、Owing to ~, Because of ~を使え、という人がいます。しかし現在ではDue to ~と文頭に使う用例も多く、わたしも使っています。

 

2.       上手な表現ですね、覚えておくといろいろと使えそうです。

 

添削後の文章

 

添削箇所はありません。

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Daiji, 16 Oct 03

 

A long period of rain and low temperature this summer reduced the number of people at seaside resorts and beer gardens in Kumamoto Prefecture.

 

添削

 

A long period of rain and low temperatures1 this summer2 reduced the number of people at going to3 seaside resorts and beer gardens in Kumamoto Prefecture.

 

コメント

 

1.       「温度の低い日」が何日も続いたので複数にして使います。

 

2.       Daijiさんは「今年の夏は長雨と低温傾向」を英文の主語にして文を簡潔にしています。

 

3.       元のままでも内容はわかりますが、添削のようにするといっそうわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A long period of rain and low temperatures this summer reduced the number of people going to seaside resorts and beer gardens in Kumamoto Prefecture.

 

 

練習問題 88

 

「明石ダコ」の名で全国に知られる兵庫県・明石産のマダコは激しい潮流にもまれ、エビやカニなどの甲殻類を食べて育つので独特の歯ごたえがある。

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 23 November 12

 

Octopuses fished at Akashi in Hyogo Prefecture, which are known as the “Akashi-dako” nation-wide, are tossed about in the hard current and grow by eating shellfish such as shrimps and crabs. Therefore they are particularly chewy.

 

添削

 

Octopuses caught fished at Akashi in Hyogo Prefecture, which are known as the “Akashi-dako” nation-wide, are tossed about in the hard currents and grow by eating shellfish such as shrimps and crabs. Therefore, they are particularly chewy.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Octopuses caught at Akashi in Hyogo Prefecture, which are known as “Akashi-dako” nation-wide, are tossed about in the hard currents and grow by eating shellfish such as shrimps and crabs. Therefore, they particularly chewy.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Tatsuo, 21 December 10

 

A common octopus which is caught in Akashi, Hyogo Prefecture, is known to people named by “Akashi-dako. Akashidakos are growing in strong current and also they are eating crustacean. So that, Akashidakos have a unique in texture.          

 

添削

 

A common The octopus1 which is caught in Akashi, Hyogo Prefecture, is popular and known to people named by as “Akashi-dako octopus. The octopus Akashidakos are growing grows in the strong currents of the Akashi Strait2 and also they are eating eats crustaceans. That’s why So that, Akashidakos the octopus has have such a unique in texture and tastes good.          

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、わからないところがあります。

 

1.       the octopusでこ明石ダコ一般をさします。

 

2.       日本文にはありませんが、こんな説明をいれるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The octopus which is caught in Akashi, Hyogo Prefecture, is popular and known as “Akashi-dako octopus. The octopus grows in the strong currents of the Akashi Strait and  eats crustaceans. That’s why the octopus has such a unique texture and tastes good.          

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 30 October 09

 

The octopuses captured in the sea off Akashi, Hyogo Prefecture are well known nationwide as the “Akashidako”. In a strong tidal current of the Akashi straight, they grow up on crustaceans like shrimp and crabs and hence have a unique chewy texture.

 

添削

 

The octopuses captured in the sea off Akashi, Hyogo Prefecture are well known nationwide as the “Akashidako”. In a strong tidal current of the Akashi straight, tThey1 grow up on crustaceans like shrimp and crabs in the strong tidal current of the Akashi Straight and hence have a unique chewy texture.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       前の文の主語the octopusesを受けて、They grow up ~.と始めるほうが自然でしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The octopuses captured in the sea off Akashi, Hyogo Prefecture are well known nationwide as the “Akashidako”. They grow up on crustaceans like shrimp and crabs in the strong tidal current of the Akashi Straight and hence have a unique chewy texture.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 27 April 08

 

Madako, common octopus, indigenous to the Akashi waters in Hyogo Prefecture is known as "Akashidako" nationwide. They thrive in harsh tides and grow up on shellfish like shrimps or crabs, so that they have unique texture to chew.

 

添削

 

Madako, the common octopus, indigenous to the Akashi waters in Hyogo Prefecture, is well known as the "Akashidako" nationwide. They thrive in the harsh tides of the Akashi Straight and feed grow up on shellfish like shrimps and or crabs,. sSo that they have a unique chewy texture to chew.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Madako, the common octopus indigenous to the Akashi waters in Hyogo Prefecture, is well known as the "Akashidako" nationwide. They thrive in the harsh tides of the Akashi Straight and feed on shellfish like shrimps and crabs. So they have a unique chewy texture .

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 29 March 08

 

The octopus in the sea around Akashi City, Hyogo Prefecture which is famous for the name of "Akashi Dako" is very popular in Japan because of its unique texture of firmness. People says that there are two reasons of its unique texture. One is the strong tidal current around Akashi City and the other is that they usually eat crustaceans like shrimp and crabs.

 

添削

 

The octopus caught in the sea around off Akashi City, Hyogo Prefecture is called1 which is famous for the name of "Akashi Dako" and is very popular in Japan because of its unique firm texture of firmness. People says that tThere are two reasons of for its unique texture. One is the strong tidal current around off Akashi City where the octopus grows2 and the other is that they the octopus usually eats crustaceans like shrimps and crabs.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、コメント(2)のところの因果関係がわかりません。

 

1.       添削のように簡単でよいでしょう。

 

2.       「激しい潮流にもまれて育つ」としないと因果関係がわかりません。

 

添削後の文章

 

The octopus caught in the sea off Akashi City, Hyogo Prefecture is called "Akashi Dako" and is very popular in Japan because of its unique firm texture There are two reasons for its unique texture. One is the strong tidal current off Akashi City where the octopus grows and the other is that the octopus usually eats crustaceans like shrimps and crabs.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、28 May 07

 

The Akashi-caught common octopus known as "Akashi Dako" over the nation is characteristically chewy because it is grown up in a strong tide and on crustaceans such as a shrimp or crab.

 

添削

 

The Akashi-caught common oOctopuses caught in Akashi1,  known as "Akashi Dako," are nationally famous for their over the nation is chewy characteristicallys chewy2 because they grow it is grown up in the a strong currents tide and feed on crustaceans such as a shrimps and or crabs.

 

コメント

 

1.       Akashi-caught octopusというような省略表現は英字新聞で使われますが、一般的な英文には添削のような表現がよいでしょう。Octopuses from Akasiと省略してもよいでしょう。

 

2.       「全国に知られる」は「全国で有名な」という意味を持っているので添削のようにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Octopuses caught in Akashi, known as "Akashi Dako," are nationally famous for their  chewy characteristics because they grow in the strong currents and feed on crustaceans such as shrimps and crabs.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、12 March 07

 

Octopuses in Akashi, Hyogo Prefecture are well known by the name of "Akashi octopus" on a nationwide scale. As they are buffeted by strong current and grow up eating shellfish such as shrimps and crabs, we feel particular crunchy texture when eating them.

 

添削

 

Octopuses in caught in the Akashi area1, Hyogo Prefecture are well known nationwide by the name of "Akashi octopus." on a nationwide scale. As they are buffeted by strong currents and grow up eating shellfish such as shrimps and crabs, we they give us feel a particular crunchy chewy2 texture when eating them.

 

コメント

 

1.       次の文にstrong currentsとあるので、ここでは添削のように補足すると、次の文に続きよくなります。

 

2.       crunchyは「カリカリした」という感触なので、chewyにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Octopuses caught in the Akashi area, Hyogo Prefecture are well known nationwide by the name of "Akashi octopus." As they are buffeted by strong currents and grow up eating shellfish such as shrimps and crabs, they give us a particular chewy texture.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 26 September 05

 

Madako grows in Akashi, Hyogo Prefecture, nationally known as “Akashi Dako” has unique crunchy texture. It is because Madako grows up in strong current and eat crustaceans like lobsters and crabs.

 

添削

 

Madako (a kind of octopus) grows caught in the sea off1 in Akashi, Hyogo Prefecture, is nationally known as the “Akashi Dako” and has a unique crunchy texture. It This is because Madako grows up in the strong current and eats crustaceans like lobsters and crabs.

 

コメント

 

1.       Madakoは日本語の普通名詞なので英語の説明が必要です。またMadoko caught in the sea off Akashiとするとわかりやすくなるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Madako (a kind of octopus) caught in the sea off Akashi, Hyogo Prefecture, is nationally known as the “Akashi Dako” and has a unique crunchy texture. This is because Madako grows in the strong current and eats crustaceans like lobsters and crabs.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、3 September 04

 

Octopuses from Akashi, Hyogo Prefecture, known nationwide as "Akashi Dako"(Akashi octopus), are uniquely tough to chew because they survive the strong current and live on crustaceans such as shrimps or crabs.

 

添削

 

Octopuses from Akashi, Hyogo Prefecture, known nationwide as "Akashi Dako"(Akashi octopus), are have a unique chewy texture1 uniquely tough to chew because they survive in2 the strong current of the Akashi Straight and live on crustaceans such as shrimps or crabs.

 

コメント

 

1.       uniquely tough to chewとすると「(ほかのタコと較べて)例外的に硬い」となってしまいます。have a unique chewy texture 「特別なかみごたえの有る肉質を持っている」としましたが、これで「独特の歯ごたえ」の感じがでたでしょうか。

 

2.       Survive the strong current 「激しい潮流を生き延びる」よりsurvive in the strong current「激しい潮流の中で生きている」のほうが「常時そこで棲息している」という意味が含まれていてよいと思います。

 

添削後の文章

 

Octopuses from Akashi, Hyogo Prefecture, known nationwide as "Akashi Dako"(Akashi octopus), have a unique chewy texture because they survive in the strong current of the Akashi Straight and live on crustaceans such as shrimps or crabs.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NANA, 16 Oct 03

 

Octopuses caught in Akashi, Hyogo Prefecture, are nationally famous as Akashi Octopus for their high quality. They grow in the tough current of Akashi Channel, feeding on shrimps and small crabs and have a special texture of good eating quality.

 

添削

 

Octopuses caught in Akashi, Hyogo Prefecture, are nationally famous as Akashi Octopus for their high quality1. They grow in the tough current of Akashi Channel, feeding on shrimps and small crabs and have a special texture of which is good eating quality for eating2.

 

コメント

 

日本文の内容を分解すると次のようになります。

 

明石産のタコは全国に知られている。

明石産のタコはエビやカニを食べて育つ。

明石産のタコは歯ごたえがある。

 

内容を一番短く要点だけを表現すれば、Akashi Octopus is famous for its special texture.というようになるでしょう。あとは残りの情報をどのような順序で英文で構成するかの問題になります。NANAさんは日本文の内容の順序に従って英文で表現しています。

 

1.       Akashi Octopus is famous.とだけ書くと、why?という質問が返ってきます。NANAさんのようにfamousの理由を付け加えておかなくてはいけません。

 

2.       元のままだと「食べられるほどのよい特別な肉質」となって日本文の意味と違ってくるので、添削ではこの点をはっきりとさせました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Octopuses caught in Akashi, Hyogo Prefecture, are nationally famous as Akashi Octopus for their high quality. They grow in the tough current of Akashi Channel, feeding on shrimp and small crabs and have a special texture which is good eating quality for eating.

 

 

練習問題 89

 

日本消費者協会が1995年にした調査によると葬儀にかかる費用は「葬儀一式」「通夜からの飲食接待費」「寺院への費用」「香典返し」に大別でき、総額は2百3万円にも上った。

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 23 November 12

 

We found that funeral expense could be classified an outfit expense for a funeral, an expense for entertainment since a wake, a payment for a temple and returning for condolence money and the total expense was 2.03 million yen, according to the result of the Japan Consumer Association’s research on 1995.

 

添削

 

We1 found that fFuneral expense can could be classified into those of funeral services an outfit expense for a funeral, an food expense for entertainment since at a wake and other gatherings, a payment fto or a temple and gifts in return returning for condolence money. and the total expense was 2.03 million yen, aAccording to the results of a survey by the Japan Consumer Association’s research on in 1995., the average total expense was two million and thirty thousand yen.

 

コメント

 

内容の大部分の意味が推測できます。

 

1.       一般的なweの意味でしょうが、この文脈ではある特別なweの意味にとれます。ここではweは使わないのがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Funeral expense can be classified into those of funeral services, food at a wake and other gatherings, a payment to a temple and gifts in return for condolence money. According to the results of a survey by the Japan Consumer Association in 1995, the average total expense was two million and thirty thousand yen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Tatsuo, 21 December 10

 

Japan consumer association conducted the investigation about the expenses of a funeral ceremony in 1995. According to the report, the major expenses of a funeral ceremony could divide into four items; those were “the lump sum cost of the ceremony”, “the entertainment cost from wake to the end of the ceremony”, “the cost for a temple” and “a gift for attendances”. The overall cost for the funeral was accumulated two million thirty thousand yen. 

 

添削

 

The Japan cConsumers’ aAssociation1 conducted an the investigation into about the expenses of a funeral ceremony in 1995. According to its findings the report, the major expenses of a funeral ceremony could be divided into four items; those they were “the a lump sum cost2 of the ceremony”, “the entertainment expenses cost from a wake to the end of the ceremony”, “expenses for the cost for a temple” and “a gifts for to funeral attendancesees”. The overall cost for the a funeral amounted to was accumulated two millions and thirty thousands yen. 

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       固有名詞です。

 

2.       全体の費用はcost、ここの支出はexpensesと表現するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Japan Consumers’ Association conducted an investigation into expenses of a funeral ceremony in 1995. According to its findings, major expenses of a funeral ceremony could be divided into four items; they were “a lump sum cost of the ceremony”, “ entertainment expenses from a wake to the end of the ceremony”, “expenses for a temple” and “ gifts to funeral attendees”. The overall cost for a funeral amounted to two millions and thirty thousands yen. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 30 October 09

 

According to a survey by the Japan Consumers’ Association in 1995, the whole funeral expenditures could be divided into four large categories, - fees for the funeral director, banquets to the mourners, payments to the temple and gifts in return for the condolence money. They added up to as much as two million and thirty thousands yen.

 

添削

 

According to a survey by the Japan Consumers’ Association in 1995, the whole1 funeral expenditures could be divided into four large categories, - fees for the a funeral director, banquets to the mourners, payments to the a temple and gifts in return for the condolence money. They added up to as much as two million and thirty thousands yen.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       the whole amount of funeral expendituresというようにwholeを使います。ここでは「いろいろな種類の葬儀費用が四つに大別できる」でよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to a survey by the Japan Consumers’ Association in 1995, funeral expenditures could be divided into four large categories - fees for a funeral director, banquets to mourners, payments to a temple and gifts in return for condolence money. They added up to as much as two million and thirty thousand yen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 28 April 08

 

A survey by Japan Consumers' Association in 1995 showed that a total cost related to a funeral had amounted up to two million and thirty thousand yen, ranging from a general funeral ceremony, refreshments during the vigil rite, gratuity to the Buddhist temple, to returns to monetary offerings by acquaintances.

 

添削

 

A survey by Japan Consumers' Association in 1995 showed that a the total cost related to a funeral had amounted up to two million and thirty thousand yen, including expenses for ranging from a general funeral ceremony, refreshments during the vigil rite, gratuity to a the Buddhist temple, and gifts in return for to returns to monetary offerings by acquaintances.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。expenses for A, B, and Cという形にするとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey by Japan Consumers' Association in 1995 showed that the total cost related to a funeral had amounted up to two million and thirty thousand yen, including expenses for a general funeral ceremony, refreshments during the vigil rite, gratuity to a Buddhist temple, and gifts in return for monetary offerings by acquaintances.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 31 March 08

 

According to a survey by Japan Consumer’s Association in 1995, total amount of costs for one funeral runs as high as 2,030,000 yen. These costs are broadly divided into four parts such as an expense for funeral ceremony, food expenses from lyke-wake, payment for the temple and expenses for gifts in return for a funeral offering.

 

添削

 

According to a survey by Japan Consumer’ss’ Association in 1995, the total amount of costs for one a funeral runs as high as 2,030,000 yen. These costs are broadly divided into four parts such as an expenses for a funeral ceremony, food expenses for food for guests at the wake and funeral from lyke-wake, payment the honoraria for the priest and temple and expenses for the  gifts in return for a funeral offerings.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、lyke-wake というミスタイプの正しい単語がわかりません。

 

1.       定冠詞の使い方が難しいですが、最初に出てくるa funeral ceremonyに関連した固有のもの、at the wake and funeral, the honoraria for the priest and templeと一般的なものexpenses for food, expenses for the gifts in return for funeral offeringsにわかました。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to a survey by Japan Consumers’ Association in 1995, the total amount of costs for a funeral runs as high as 2,030,000 yen. These costs are broadly divided into four parts such as expenses for a funeral ceremony, expenses for food for guests at the wake and funeral, the honoraria for the priest and temple and expenses for the gifts in return for funeral offerings.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、29 May 07

 

The survey of a funeral cost which was executed by Japan Consumer's Association in 1995 showed that the total cost was classified into the four types, for example, a funeral ceremony, a reception, making an offering and a return offering given by the family of the deceased to people who have made a funeral offering. And the total of the cost was 2.03 million yen.

 

添削

 

The A survey of a funeral costs which was executed by Japan Consumer's Association in 1995 showed that the total costs1 were was classified grouped into the four types:,2 for example, a funeral ceremony, meals for guests, a reception, making an offering to a Buddhist temple, and presents a return offering given by the family of the deceased to people who have had made a funeral offering. And tThe total of the cost3 was 2.03 million yen.

 

コメント

 

1.       ここではいろいろな費用という意味で複数がよいでしょう。

 

2.       コロンで続けて、このあとに費用の項目を並べるとわかりやすくなります。costs of a funeral service, costs of meals for guests at a wake and a funeral service, …というのが正確ですが、添削のように省略してもわかります。

 

3.       ここでは総額という意味で単数にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey of funeral costs which was executed by Japan Consumers’ Association in 1995 showed that costs were grouped into four types: a funeral ceremony, meals for guests, an offering to a Buddhist temple, and presents to people who had made a funeral offering. The total cost was 2.03 million yen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、12 March 07

 

According to a survey by Japan Consumers' Association in 1995, the expense needed for a funeral is divided to expenses for a funeral ceremony, expenses for drinking and eating at a wake, expenses paid to a temple and expenses for gifts in return for funeral offerings. The total cost was over 2,030,000 yen.

 

添削

 

According to a survey by Japan Consumers' Association in 1995, the expense needed for a funeral is was1 divided into expenses for a funeral ceremony, expenses for drinking and eating at a wake, expenses paid to a temple and expenses for gifts in return for funeral offerings. The total cost was over 2,030,000 yen.

 

コメント

 

1.       過去の調査なので過去形にします。調査の結果が現在でも通用するようなものの時は、調査結果を現在形で書くこともありますが、多分、葬儀の費用は現在では変わっているでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to a survey by Japan Consumers' Association in 1995, the expense needed for a funeral was divided into expenses for a funeral ceremony, expenses for drinking and eating at a wake, expenses paid to a temple and expenses for gifts in return for funeral offerings. The total cost was over 2,030,000 yen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 26 September 05

 

According to a survey done by Japan Consumers’ Associations in1995, the total cost of a funeral exceed no less than 2.3million yen. We can roughly divide it into “funeral set,” “wining and dining expense from wake,” “expense for temple” and“present in return for a funeral offering.

 

添削

 

According to a survey done by Japan Consumers’ Associations in 1995, the total cost of a funeral exceeded no less than 2.3 million yen1. We can roughly divide it into “expenses2 for a funeral set ceremony,,expenses for wining and dining expense from at a wake,,expense gratuities3 for to a temple or shrine” and expenses for presents in return for a funeral offerings.

 

コメント

 

1.       ここで文を分けたので、内容がわかりやすくなりましたね。

 

2.       expenses for ~で統一するとよいでしょう。「寺院への費用」は「寺院への謝礼」にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to a survey done by Japan Consumers’ Associations in 1995, the total cost of a funeral exceeded 2.3 million yen. We can roughly divide it into “expenses for a funeral  ceremony”, “expenses for wining and dining at a wake”, “gratuities to a temple or shrine” and “expenses for presents in return for funeral offerings”.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、3 September 04

 

A survey conducted by Japan Consumers' Association in 1995 showed that the expenses for a funeral service could roughly be divided into "holding a funeral ceremony," "wining and dining expenses at a wake and other occasions," "offering to the temple" and "offering in return for condolence money."  The total sum amounted to as much as \2,030,000.

 

添削

 

A survey conducted by Japan Consumers' Association in 1995 showed that the expenses for a funeral service could be roughly be divided into those for "holding a funeral ceremony," "wining and dining expenses at a wake and other occasions," "making1 an offering to the temple," and "sending a gift to those who offer offering in return for condolence money."  2The total sum amounted to as much as \2,030,000.

 

コメント

 

1.       those for ~ingの形で並列にするとわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       昔、英文をタイプで書くときに、段落の始まりはスペースを三つ空け、文の始まりはスペースを二つ空ける、と習いました。しかし現在は、実務文では段落の始まりはスペースを空けない、文の始まりはスペースを一つ空ける、が一般的なようです。まあ、趣味の問題ですが。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey conducted by Japan Consumers' Association in 1995 showed that the expenses for a funeral service could be roughly divided into those for "holding a funeral ceremony," "wining and dining at a wake and other occasions," "making an offering to the temple," and "sending a gift to those who offer condolence money." The total sum amounted to as much as \2,030,000.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(トーフル、29 Sept 03

 

According to a survey conducted by Japan Consumer’s Association in 1995, funeral costs were comprised of those of funeral services, meals for guests, services by a Buddhist temple, and presents in return for a funeral offering, and amounted to two million and thirty thousand yen on average.

 

添削

 

According to a survey conducted by Japan Consumer’s s’ Association in 1995, funeral costs were comprised of those of funeral services, meals for guests, services by a Buddhist temple, and presents in return for a funeral offering, and altogether amounted to two million and thirty thousand yen on average.

 

コメント

 

トーフルさんは「葬儀一式」「通夜からの飲食接待費」「寺院への費用」「香典返し」を簡単に内容を説明して英語で表現しています。「通夜からの飲食接待費」もmeals for guestと平易に表現しています。細かく説明しようとすると expenses on meals and others for guests attending a wake and funeral serviceと長くなってしまいます。文脈から考えて単にmeals for guestでいいと思います。

 

トーフルさんは一つの文で表現していますが、長くなるので次のように切ると読みやすくなります。

 

In 1995, Japan Consumers' Association conducted a survey of funeral costs. The results of the survey showed that funeral costs were comprised of funeral services, meals for guests, services by a Buddhist temple, and presents in return for a funeral offering. Altogether, the average total cost was two million and thirty thousand yen.

 

添削後の文章

 

According to a survey conducted by Japan Consumers’ Association in 1995, funeral costs were comprised of funeral services, meals for guests, services by a Buddhist temple, and presents in return for a funeral offering, and altogether amounted to two million and thirty thousand yen on average.

 

 

練習問題 90

 

小泉純一郎首相が主宰し全閣僚をメンバーとする「犯罪対策閣僚会議」の初会合が9月5日、首相官邸で開かれた。「世界一安全な国」の復活を目指し、年内をめどに行動計画を作成する。

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 25 November 12

 

The “Cabinet Congress for Preventing Crime” held the first meeting on September 1 at the official residence for the prime minister. The congress is prepared by the prime minister Jyunichiro Koizumi and include all cabinets. The goal is reviving the “safest country in the world” and they are going to make an action plan by the end of the year.

 

添削

 

The Cabinet Congress for Preventing Crime held the first meeting on September 1 at the official residence of for the prime minister. The congress is chaired prepared by the pPrime mMinister Jyunichiro Koizumi and includes all cabinets members. The goal of the congress is reviving Japan as the “safest country in the world” and they are the congress is going to make an action plan by the end of the year.

 

コメント

 

1.       内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが、The congress is prepared by the prime minister. is preparedはわかりません。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Cabinet Congress for Preventing Crime held the first meeting on September 1 at the official residence of the prime minister. The congress is chaired by Prime Minister Jyunichiro Koizumi and includes all cabinet members. The goal of the congress is reviving Japan as the “safest country in the world” and the congress is going to make an action plan by the end of the year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Tatsuo, 25 December 10

 

The first meeting of “the conference of crime measures among cabinet members” was held at the official residence of the prime minister. The Prime Minister, Junichiro Koizumi, presided over the conference and all of the cabinet ministers are a member of the conference. The members aim to restore “the safest country over the world” and prepare the action plan within this year. 

 

添削

 

On September 5, Tthe first meeting of “the cConference of Anti-cCrime mMeasures of the among cCabinet members1” was held at the official residence of the prime minister. The Prime Minister, Junichiro Koizumi, presided over the conference at which and all of the cabinet ministers are were present a member of the conference. The members Conference aims at to restoreing Japan to “the safest country in over the world” and prepares the an action plan by the end of within this year. 

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       固有名詞にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

On September 5, the first meeting of “the Conference of Anti-Crime Measures of the  Cabinet ” was held at the official residence of the prime minister. Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi presided over the conference at which all of the cabinet ministers were present . The Conference aims at restoring Japan to “the safest country in the world” and prepares  an action plan by the end of this year. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 30 October 09

 

The kick-off session of the Ministerial Meeting on Crime Control was held at the prime minister's official residence on September 5. Led by Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi, the meeting consisting of all cabinet ministers aims at restoring the fame of Japan as the world’s safest country and formulates its action plans towards the end of the year.

 

添削

 

The kick-off session of the Ministerial Meeting on Crime Control Prevention was held at the prime minister's official residence on September 5. Led Chaired by Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi, the mMeeting is composed consisting of all cabinet ministers and aimsed at restoring the fame of Japan to the fame of as the world’s safest country1. and The Meeting is going to formulates its action plans towards  by the end of the year.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       ここで文を切ったほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The kick-off session of the Ministerial Meeting on Crime Prevention was held at the prime minister's official residence on September 5. Chaired by Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi, the Meeting is composed of all cabinet ministers and aimed at restoring Japan to the fame of  the world’s safest country. The Meeting is going to formulate its action plan by the end of the year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 30 April 08

 

Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi hosted the first Cabinet Meeting on Measures against Crimes constituted of all cabinet members at the official residence of Prime Minister on September 5. They are aiming at reviving the safest country in the world and drafting action plans by the end of the year.

 

添削

 

On September 5, Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi hosted the first Cabinet Meeting on the Measures against Crimes that was composed constituted of all cabinet members at the official residence of Prime Minister on September 5. They are aiming at reviving Japan as the safest country in the world and drafting action plans by the end of the year.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますがreviving the safest country in the worldとすると、目的語がthe safest country in the worldですから、(現在)世界で一番安全な国を復活させる、となります。日本文ですと意味が通じるようですが、添削のように「日本を世界で一番安全な国に復活させる」という表現にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

On September 5, Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi hosted the first Cabinet Meeting on the Measures against Crimes that was composed of all cabinet members at the official residence of Prime Minister. They are aiming at reviving Japan as the safest country in the world and drafting action plans by the end of the year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 31 March 08

 

Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi held a first "Ministrial Meeting against crime" at the office of Prime Minister on September 5. All of the ministers in his cabinet attended this meeting. This meeting aimed to bring back Japan as the safest country in the world and planed to make an action plan by the end of this year.

 

添削

 

Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi held a the first "Ministrial Ministerial Meeting against cCrime" at the office official residence of Prime Minister on September 5. All of the ministers in his cabinet attended this meeting. This The Ministerial mMeeting was aimed to at developing an action plan within this year to bring Japan back Japan as to the status of the safest country in the world and planed to make an action plan by the end of this year1.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、planed plannedplaned, plannedと両方とも違う意味の動詞の過去形があるので、plannedとのミススペルと推察できますが、わかり難いです。

 

1.       「世界一安全な国の復活を目指した行動計画を作成する。」という順序にするとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi held the first " Ministerial Meeting against Crime" at the official residence of Prime Minister on September 5. All of the ministers in his cabinet attended this meeting. The Ministerial Meeting was aimed at developing an action plan within this year to bring Japan back to the status of the safest country in the world.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、29 May 07

 

The first convention of Ministerial Meeting Concerning Measures Against Crime was held at the Prime Minister's office on September 5th. The Ministerial Meeting is organized by Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi and consists of all ministers. For reestablishing the safest country, the meeting are going to prepare a domestic action plan in this year.

 

添削

 

The first convention of Ministerial Meeting Concerning Measures Against Crime was held at the Prime Minister's office Official Residence on September 5th. The Ministerial Meeting is was chaired1 organized by Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi and consistsed of all ministers. For reestablishing Japan as the safest country in the world, the Ministerial mMeeting2 are is going to prepare an domestic action plan in by the end of this year.

 

コメント

 

1.       閣僚会議が開かれた、という過去のことと、この閣僚会議の構成と行動計画という現在または未来のことがこの文章に含まれています。閣僚会議の構成は現在形でも良いですが、前の文と続きとして過去形にしたほうが読みやすいでしょう。

 

2.       長い名称の会議の省略なので大文字を使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

The first Ministerial Meeting Concerning Measures Against Crime was held at the Prime Minister's Official Residence on September 5th. The Ministerial Meeting was chaired by Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi and consisted of all ministers. For reestablishing Japan as the safest country in the world, the Ministerial Meeting is going to prepare an action plan  by the end of this year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、12 March 07

 

"The Ministerial Meeting Concerning Measures Against Crime" presided over by prime minister Jyunichiro Koizumi and composed of all cabinet ministers was first held at the prime minister's office on September 5. To realize the revival of "the safest country in the world", the meeting will make an action plan within this year.

 

添削

 

"The Ministerial Meeting Concerning Measures Against Crime,"1 presided over by prime minister Jyunichiro Koizumi and composed of all cabinet ministers, was first held its first meeting at the prime minister's office on September 5. To revive a status of realize the revival 2of " the safest country in the world", the mMeeting3 will make an action plan within this year.

 

コメント

 

1.       聞きなれない言葉、特別に注意を引きたい言葉、特別な意味を持つ言葉などには引用句を使うことがあります。ここでは「犯罪対策閣僚会議」は聞きなれない言葉ですが、政府の正式な会議で、固有名詞として使っているので、そのうえにまた引用句を使う必要なないでしょう。

 

2.       To realize the revival of ~とするとrealizereviveの意味が重なるので、revive一つにしました。

 

3.       「犯罪対策閣僚会議」の省略なのでthe Meetingとして文章に出てきたThe Ministerial Meeting Concerning Measures Against Crimeを指すことを明確にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministerial Meeting Concerning Measures Against Crime, presided over by prime minister Junichiro Koizumi and composed of all cabinet ministers, held its first meeting at the prime minister's office on September 5. To revive a status of the safest country in the world, the Meeting will make an action plan within this year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 2 October 05

 

On september5, first meeting of “Ministerial Meeting for Crime-Fighting Measure” was held at the official residence of Prime Minister. The meeting was presided over by Prime Minister, Junichiro Koizumi and consisted of all cabinet members. The purposes of the meeting are to revitalize “the safest country in the world” and to make action plan by the end of this year.

 

添削

 

On sSeptember5, first meeting of the “Ministerial Meeting for Crime-Fighting Measures” was held at the official residence of Prime Minister. The meeting was presided over by Prime Minister, Junichiro Koizumi and consisted of all cabinet members. The purposes of the Ministerial mMeeting1 are is to revitalize “the safest country in the world” and to make an action plan by the end of this year that will aim at restoring Japan as the safest country in the world2.

 

コメント

 

1.       「犯罪対策閣僚会議」という名前の特別な組織なので大文字化します。

 

2.       「復活を目指した(復活させるための)行動計画」ですから添削の順序にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

On September5, first meeting of the “Ministerial Meeting for Crime-Fighting Measures” was held at the official residence of Prime Minister. The meeting was presided over by Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi and consisted of all cabinet members. The purpose of the Ministerial Meeting is to make an action plan by the end of this year that will aim at restoring Japan as the safest country in the world.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、4 September 04

 

Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi presides over "A Ministerial Conference on Countermeasures Against Crimes," which is comprised of all the Cabinet ministers. The first meeting of the conference was held at the prime minister's official residence on September 5. Aiming to get back Japan's status as "the safest nation in the world," the members are going to form an action plan by about the end of this year.

 

添削

 

Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi presides over "A the Ministerial Conference on Countermeasures Against Crimes," which is comprised of all the Cabinet ministers1. The first meeting of the conference was held at the prime minister's official residence on September 5.and2 decided to form an action plan by about the end of this year, Aaiming to get Japan back to Japan's  the status as of "the safest nation in the world,." the members are going to form an action plan by about the end of this year.

 

コメント

 

1.       マウント60さんは「小泉純一郎首相が主宰し全閣僚をメンバーとする犯罪対策閣僚会議」を独立した文で表現して文章全体をわかりやすくしています。

 

2.       ここは次の文に続けたほうが、内容の流れが良くなると思います。

 

添削後の文章

 

Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi presides over "the Ministerial Conference on Countermeasures Against Crimes," which is comprised of all Cabinet ministers. The first meeting of the conference was held at the prime minister's official residence on September 5 and decided to form an action plan by about the end of this year, aiming to get Japan back to  the status of "the safest nation in the world."

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Yuji, 29 Sept 03

 

On September 5, the first Ministerial Meeting Concerning Measures Against Crime was held at the Prime Minister’s Official Residence, chaired by Prime Minister Koizumi. The Ministerial Meeting was planned to produce an action plan to restore Japan to a status of the safest country in the world.

 

添削

 

On September 5, the first Ministerial Meeting Concerning Measures Against Crime1 was held at the Prime Minister’s Official Residence, chaired by Prime Minister Koizumi2. The Ministerial Meeting was chaired by Prime Minister Koizumi and planned to produce an action plan to restore Japan to a the status of being the safest country in the world.

 

コメント

 

1.       Yujiさんは「犯罪対策閣僚会議」の正式な英語名称をよくみつけましたね。私もいろいろなところを探しましたが、まず「犯罪対策閣僚会議」でインターネットを検索し、総務省のホームページの英語版の中にあった政府発表の文書のなかから英語名称をみつけました。正式名称が見つからなかったら、the ministerial meeting on prime preventionと内容を説明してもよいでしょう。

 

2.       添削のように次の文に移動させると文の最後がすっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

On September 5, the first Ministerial Meeting Concerning Measures Against Crime was held at the Prime Minister’s Official Residence. The Ministerial Meeting was chaired by Prime Minister Koizumi and planned to produce an action plan to restore Japan to the status of being the safest country in the world.