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初級練習問題の添削 71−80


初級問題 71(23 Aug 03) (17 Aug 04) (17 Sept 05) (8 March 07) (18 May 07) (23 Feb 08)

(12 Apr 08) (15 Oct 09) (9 Oct 10) (22 Oct 12) (1 Oct 15)


初級問題 72(23 Aug 03) (19 Aug 04) (17 Sept 05) (29 Nov 06) (8 March 07) (18 May 07)

(24 Feb 08) (12 Apr 08) (15 Oct 09) (23 Oct 12) (25 March 15)


初級問題 73(23 Aug 03) (19 Aug 04) (8 Dec 04) (17 Sept 05) (8 March 07) (19 May 07)

(26 Feb 08) (12 Apr 08) (15 Oct 09) (9 Oct 10) (22 Oct 12) (15 March 15)


初級問題 74(30 Aug 03) (20 Aug 04) (18 Sept 05) (8 March 07) (19 May 07) (28 Feb 08)

(12 Apr 08) (15 Oct 09) (9 Oct 10) (23 Oct 12) (3 June 15)


初級問題 75(30 Aug 03) (20 Aug 04) (18 Sept 05) (22 May 07) (29 Feb 08) (12 Apr 08)

(15 Oct 09) (21 Oct 10) (30 Oct 12) (25 March 15)


初級問題 76(2 Sept 03) (21 Aug 04) (18 Sept 05) (10 March 07) (22 May 07) (29 Feb 08)

(12 Apr 08) (20 Oct 09) (21 Oct 10) (30 Oct 12) (24 Sept 15)


初級問題 77(5 Sept 03) (21 Aug 04) (8 Dec 04) (18 Sept 05) (10 March 07) (23 May 07)

(1 Mar 08) (`13 Apr 08) (20 Oct 09) (2 Nov 10) (7 Dec 10) (31 Oct 12)

(3 Apr 16)

   
初級問題 78(5 Sept 03) (24 Aug 04) (18 Sept 05) (10 March 07) (23 May 07) (2 Mar 08)

(13 Apr 08) (20 Oct 09) (2 Nov 10) (31 Oct 12) (25 March 15)


初級問題 79(18 Sep 03) (27 June 04) (24 Aug 04) (18 Sept 05) (10 March 07)

(24 May 07) (2 Mar 08) (13 Apr 08) (21 Oct 09) (9 Nov 10) (16 June 12)

(5 Nov 12) (1 October 15)


初級問題 80(2 Sept 03) (27 June 04) (27 Aug 04) (18 Sept 05) (10 March 07)

(24 May 07) (3 Mar 08) (13 Apr 08) (21 Oct 09) (9 Nov 10) (5 Nov 12)

(26 Aug 15)

 

初級問題 71

 

東京電力の原発トラブル隠しの影響で停止している県内の原子炉のうち、福島第一原発3号機について、佐藤知事は8月12日、県庁で東電の勝俣社長と会談し、運転再開の受け入れを表明した。

 

読者からの投稿 11(文月、1 October 15

 

Mr. Sato, Governor of Fukushima Prefecture, held talk with Director Katsumata of Tokyo Electric Power Company on August 12. The Governor stated to accept restarting operation of the reactor No. 3 of the Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Station, which had been stopped as a consequence of the cover-up of fault at the nuclear facilities.

 

添削

 

Mr. Sato, Governor of Fukushima Prefecture, held talk with Director Katsumata of Tokyo Electric Power Company on August 12. The Governor stated to accept restarting the operation of the reactor No. 3 of the Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Station, which had been stopped as a consequence of the cover-up of fault at the nuclear facilities.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Mr. Sato, Governor of Fukushima Prefecture, held talk with Director Katsumata of Tokyo Electric Power Company on August 12. The Governor stated to accept restarting the operation of the reactor No. 3 of the Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Station, which had been stopped as a consequence of the cover-up of fault at the nuclear facilities.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 22 October 12

 

Governor Sato announced that he accepted Tokyo Electric Power to restart Fukushima No,1 nuclear reactor #3 August 12, after he discussed the president Katsumata of Tokyo Electric Power at the prefectural office. The reactor is one of the halting reactors in Fukushima Prefecture caused to hiding accidents by Tokyo Electric Power.

 

添削

 

Governor Sato of Fukushima Prefecture announced that he accepted for Tokyo Electric Power to restart Reactor Number 3 of the Fukushima No,1 Nuclear Power Station1 nuclear reactor #3  August 12when , after he met discussed the president Mr. Katsumata, president of Tokyo Electric Power at the his prefectural office on August 12. The reactor is was one of the halting reactors in Fukushima Prefecture that had been halted after it became apparent that caused to hiding accidents by Tokyo Electric Power was hiding nuclear power accidents2.

 

コメント

 

内容の大体の推測はできますが、細部がはっきりしません。

 

1.       東京電力福島第一原子力発電所三号機のことですから、英語では細かいところから(the reactor)から大まかなこと(the power station)という記述の順序になります。10年ほど前にもこのようなことがあったのですね。

 

2.       日本文の構造にとらわれずに、内容をわかりやすく表現するような英文の構造を考えます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Governor Sato of Fukushima Prefecture announced that he accepted for Tokyo Electric Power to restart Reactor Number 3 of the Fukushima No,1 Nuclear Power Station when he met Mr. Katsumata, president of Tokyo Electric Power at his prefectural office on August 12. The reactor was one of the reactors in Fukushima Prefecture that had been halted after it became apparent that Tokyo Electric Power was hiding nuclear power accidents.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Tatsuo, 9 October 10

 

Some of reactors in Fukushima prefecture have been stopped operating because Tokyo Electric Power Company hid the fact of an accident. However, Mr. Sato, who is the governor of Fukushima prefecture, announced on August 12 that he approved to resume the operation, only the No.3 reactor of Fukushima Daiichi nuclear power station, after the meeting with Mr. Katsumata, president of Tokyo Electric Power Company.

 

添削

 

Some of the nuclear reactors at electric power generating stations1 in Fukushima pPrefecture have been stopped operating because Tokyo Electric Power Company hid the fact of an accident. However, Mr. Sato, who is2 the governor of Fukushima prefecture, announced on August 12 that he approved to resume the operation, only the of No.3 reactor of the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear power station, after the meeting with Mr. Katsumata, the president of Tokyo Electric Power Company.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

コメント

 

1.       文章の最初の部分なのでこのような説明があるとわかりやくなるでしょう。

 

2.       後ろのMr. Katsumataの部分と同じ形にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Some of the nuclear reactors at electric power generating stations in Fukushima Prefecture have been stopped  because Tokyo Electric Power Company hid the fact of an accident. However, Mr. Sato, the governor of Fukushima prefecture, announced on August 12 that he approved to resume the operation of No.3 reactor of the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear power station, after the meeting with Mr. Katsumata, the president of Tokyo Electric Power Company.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 15 October 09

 

Fukushima Governor Sato announced his concurrence to resuming operations of the reactor #3 at the Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Plant after the meeting with Mr. Katsumata, the president of Tokyo Electric Power Company(TEPCO), at the prefectural office on August 12. All the nuclear reactors in the prefecture had been shut down in conjunction with a series of TEPCO’s scandals involving cover-ups of various troubles at its nuclear facilities.

 

添削

 

Fukushima Governor Sato of Fukushima Prefecture1 announced his concurrence to the restart of resuming operations of the reactor #3 at the Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Plant after the meeting with Mr. Katsumata, the president of Tokyo Electric Power Company(TEPCO), at the prefectural office on August 12. All the nuclear reactors in the prefecture had been shut down in conjunction with a series of TEPCO’s scandals involving cover-ups of various troubles at its nuclear facilities.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

1.       英語圏の人を読者に想定しているので、Mr. Satoが福島県知事だということがわかるようにするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Governor Sato of Fukushima Prefecture announced his concurrence to the restart of  operations of the reactor #3 at the Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Plant after the meeting with Mr. Katsumata, the president of Tokyo Electric Power Company(TEPCO), at the prefectural office on August 12. All the nuclear reactors in the prefecture had been shut down in conjunction with a series of TEPCO’s scandals involving cover-ups of various troubles at its nuclear facilities.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 12 April 08

 

The Tokyo Electric Power was uncovered the cover-up of some accidents at their nuclear power plants and consequently all the nuclear power plants in Fukusima Prefecture was forced to shut down. After Governor Sato of Fukushima Prefecture had a conference with President Katsumata of the Tokyo Electric Power at Fukusima prefectural government on August 12, Governor Sato announced that he had approved of the Tokyo Electric Power's re-operation on No.3 reactor at the Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Plant.

 

添削

 

The Tokyo Electric Power was uncovered the cover-up of some accidents at their nuclear power plants and consequently all the nuclear power plants in Fukusima Prefecture was had been forced to shut down. After Governor Sato of Fukushima Prefecture had a conference with President Katsumata of the Tokyo Electric Power at the Fukusima prefectural government on August 12, Governor Sato announced that he had approved of the Tokyo Electric Power's re-operation on of No.3 reactor at the Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Plant1.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。「東京電力の原発トラブル隠し」が丁寧にせつめいしてありますね。

 

1.       文章の構成からするとthat Tokyo Electric Power could now re-operate No. 3 reactor at the Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Plantとしたほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Tokyo Electric Power was uncovered the cover-up of some accidents at their nuclear power plants and consequently all the nuclear power plants in Fukusima Prefecture had been forced to shut down. After Governor Sato of Fukushima Prefecture had a conference with President Katsumata of Tokyo Electric Power at the Fukusima prefectural government on August 12, Governor Sato announced that he had approved of Tokyo Electric Power's re-operation of No.3 reactor at the Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Plant.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 23 February 08

 

Governor Sato in Fukushima Prefecture met with the president Katsumata of Tokyo Electric Power at the prefectural office on August 12. Governor Sato announced that Fukushima Prefectural Government accepted the application for restarting the nuclear electric reactor No.3 in the Fukushima-Daiichi nuclear electric plant which had been out of operation affected by the scandals involving cover-ups at the several nuclear facilities operated by the company.

 

添削

 

Governor Sato in of Fukushima Prefecture met with the president Katsumata of Tokyo Electric Power at the prefectural office on August 12. Governor Sato announced that the Fukushima Prefectural Government accepted the application for restarting the nuclear electric reactor No.3 in the Fukushima-Daiichi nuclear electric plant which had been out of operation affected after by the scandals involving cover-ups at the several nuclear facilities operated by the company were revealed1.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。日本文の内容を整理してわかりやすい順序で英文で表現しましたね。

 

1.       句ではなく、従属節にすると文のバランスがよくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Governor Sato of Fukushima Prefecture met with president Katsumata of Tokyo Electric Power at the prefectural office on August 12. Governor Sato announced that the Fukushima Prefectural Government accepted the application for restarting the nuclear electric reactor No.3 in the Fukushima-Daiichi nuclear electric plant which had been out of operation after  the scandals involving cover-ups at the several nuclear facilities operated by the company were revealed.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、18 May 07

 

Because Tokyo Electric Power Company (TEPCO) hid the nuclear plant trouble, halted was the atomic power in Fukushima Prefecture. Mr. Sato who was the governor of Fukushima Prefecture negotiated about the trouble with Mr. Katsumata who was the president of TEPCO and stated the No.3 nuclear plant in Fukushima Daiichi Genpatsu would be restarted on August 12th.

 

添削

 

Because Since Tokyo Electric Power Company (TEPCO) was uncovered to have hidden troubles at their nuclear power plants trouble, the operation of all nuclear power plants in Fukushima Prefecture have been halted1  was the atomic power in Fukushima Prefecture. However, Mr. Sato, who was the governor of Fukushima Prefecture, met negotiated about the trouble with Mr. Katsumata, who was the president of TEPCO, on August 12th and stated that the prefecture would accept that TEPCO would restart the No.3 generator at nuclear plant in the Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Plant Genpatsu would be restarted on August 12th2.

 

コメント

 

1.       「東京電力の原発トラブル隠しの影響で停止している県内の原子炉」を独立の文にして文章の最初に置いたので状況がよくわかりますね。添削のように補足するとよいでしょう。

 

2.       この会談で知事は原発の運転再開の受け入れを正式に社長に伝えただけで、交渉は既に終わっていたのでしょう。August 12thを文の最後に置くと、原発の運転再開が8月12日になるように読めます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Since Tokyo Electric Power Company (TEPCO) was uncovered to have hidden troubles at their nuclear power plants, the operation of all nuclear power plants in Fukushima Prefecture have been halted. However, Mr. Sato, governor of Fukushima Prefecture, met with Mr. Katsumata, president of TEPCO, on August 12th and stated that the prefecture would accept that TEPCO would restart the No.3 generator at the Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Plant.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、8 March 07

 

The No.3 reactor at Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Plant in Fukushima Prefecture stopped running because Tokyo Electric Power had covered the troubles on the nuclear plant. Governor Sato had a meeting with president Katsumata of Tokyo Electric Power at the prefectural government on August 12 and expressed the acceptance of restarting the nuclear plant.

 

添削

 

The No.3 reactor at the Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Plant in Fukushima Prefecture was forced to1 stopped running because Tokyo Electric Power had covered up the troubles at on the nuclear plant. Governor Sato of Fukushima Prefecture had a meeting with president Katsumata of Tokyo Electric Power at the prefectural government on August 12 and expressed the acceptance of restarting the nuclear plant.

 

コメント

 

1.       実際は停止を余儀なくされていたのでwas forced to stopとするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The No.3 reactor at the Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Plant in Fukushima Prefecture was forced to stop running because Tokyo Electric Power had covered up troubles at the nuclear plant. Governor Sato of Fukushima Prefecture had a meeting with president Katsumata of Tokyo Electric Power at the prefectural government on August 12 and expressed the acceptance of restarting the nuclear plant.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 17 September 05

 

On August 12th, the Governor Sato talked with Mr. Katsumata resident of Tokyo Electric Power Co., Inc. at the prefectural office building and agreed to resume the operation of the No.3 Fukushima First Nuclear Reactor. The reactor is one of the reactors that have been suspended under the influence of the company’s scandals involving cover-ups at nuclear facilities.

 

添削

 

On August 12th, the Governor Sato talked with Mr. Katsumata, president of Tokyo Electric Power Co., Inc. at the prefectural office building and agreed to let Tokyo Electric to1 resume the operation of the No.3 Fukushima First Nuclear Reactor Station. The This reactor is one of the reactors that have been suspended shut down2 under the influence of after the company’s scandals involving cover-ups at of accidents at its nuclear facilities were revealed3.

 

コメント

 

原子炉の運転を再開する主体は福島県ではなく、東京電力ですから添削のようにします。

 

Collins COBUILD辞書はsuspendを次のように説明しています。

If you suspend something, you delay it or stop it from happening for a while or until a decision is made about it. Example: The union suspended strike action this week.

この用例に従うと練習問題は次のように表現できます。This reactor is one of the reactors that Tokyo Electric had suspended its operation after ~. このように辞書の用例を見ることは英作文にとても役立ちます。

 

「東京電力の原発トラブル隠しの影響で停止している」は「原発事故の隠蔽」と補足説明を入れると、事情を知らない読者に内容がわかるようになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On August 12th, Governor Sato talked with Mr. Katsumata, president of Tokyo Electric Power Co., Inc. at the prefectural office building and agreed to let Tokyo Electric to resume the operation of the No.3 Fukushima First Nuclear Reactor Station. This reactor is one of the reactors that have been shut down after the company’s scandals involving cover-ups of accidents at its nuclear facilities were revealed.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、18 August 04

 

Among the nuclear reactors in Fukushima Prefecture whose operation is suspended due to the influence of the Tokyo Electric Power Company's cover-up scandals of the nuclear power plant accident, Governor Sato announced his acceptance of the restart of the operation of the No. 3 reactor at the Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Plant after meeting with President Katsumata of the Tokyo Electric Power Company at the prefectural office on August 12.

 

添削

 

Among the nuclear reactors in Fukushima Prefecture whose operation is has been suspended due to the influence in the aftermath of the Tokyo Electric Power Company's cover-up scandals of the nuclear power plant accidents1, Governor Sato announced his acceptance of the restart of the operation of the No. 3 reactor at the Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Plant2 after meeting with President Katsumata of the Tokyo Electric Power Company at the prefectural office on August 12.

 

コメント

 

いろいろな情報の詰まった日本文をマウント60さんは、一つの長い英文で表現しています。しかし、1と2のところで文の内容が分かれているので、長い文章のわりには内容はわかりやすくなっています。この文を複数の文にわけるとしたら、つぎようにできるでしょう。

 

On August 12, Governor Sato of Fukushima Prefecture called in Mr. Katsumata, president of the Tokyo Electric Power Company, to the governor’s office and told him that the prefectural government would accept the restart of No.3 reactor at Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Plant. All nuclear reactors in the prefecture had been shut down in the aftermath of the cover-up scandals of nuclear reactor accidents by the Tokyo Electric Power Company.

 

添削後の文章

 

Among the nuclear reactors in Fukushima Prefecture whose operation has been suspended in the aftermath of the Tokyo Electric Power Company's cover-up scandals of nuclear power plant accidents, Governor Sato announced his acceptance of the restart of the operation of No. 3 reactor at Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Plant after meeting with President Katsumata of the Tokyo Electric Power Company at the prefectural office on August 12.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Yoshinori, 23 Aug 03

 

On August 12, Mr. Satoh, Governor of Fukushima Prefecture, had a meeting with Mr. Katsumata, President of Tokyo Electric Company, and expressed his intention of re-starting the third generator of the First Fukushima Nuclear Power Station. All nuclear stations in the prefecture have been shut down after Tokyo Electric Company was found to have kept problems with the operation of its nuclear power stations secret from the public.

 

添削

 

On August 12, Mr. Satoh, Governor of Fukushima Prefecture, had a meeting with Mr. Katsumata, President of Tokyo Electric Company, and expressed his intention of re-starting told him that the Prefecture of Fukushima would agree to let Tokyo Electric Company to restart1 the third generator of the First Fukushima Nuclear Power Station. All nuclear stations in the prefecture have had been shut down after Tokyo Electric Company was found to have kept problems with the operation of its nuclear power stations secret from the public2.

 

コメント

 

日本文は最初に長い修飾節で状況を説明してから、本題の「運転再開の受け入れ」をのべています。このままの文の構成では英文で表現するときにどこから始めていいかわかりません。まずは内容を整理しなければなりません。Yoshinoriさんのようにまずは一番大切な部分、「佐藤知事は東京電力に福島第一原発3号機の運転再開受け入れを表明した。」を書き、そのあとで状況の説明に入ると英文での表現が易しくなります。日本文、特に報道関係の文章は紙面を効率的に使うように文章が圧縮してあるので、英文で表現する前にはまず日本文の内容を解きほぐす必要があります。その際に文章全体で一番大切なことを簡単に表現すにはどうしたらよいかを考えます。

 

1.       ちょっと理屈っぽいようですが、原子炉の運転再開をするのは東京電力なので添削のようにしました。

 

2.       Yoshinoriさんは「東京電力の原発トラブル隠しの影響で停止している県内の原子炉」を簡潔に表現しています。日本のニュースに詳しい人にはこの部分がどういうことかわかりますが、英文を独立した文章として日本のニュースを知らない人を対象にするときには、内容の説明が必要になります。「原発トラブル隠し」のような表現は内容を説明することで英文表現がやさしくなります。

 

 

添削後の文章

 

On August 12, Mr. Satoh, Governor of Fukushima Prefecture, had a meeting with Mr. Katsumata, President of Tokyo Electric Company, and told him that the Prefecture of Fukushima would agree to let Tokyo Electric Company to restart the third generator of the First Fukushima Nuclear Power Station. All nuclear stations in the prefecture had been shut down after Tokyo Electric Company was found to have kept problems with the operation of its nuclear power stations secret from the public.

 

 

初級問題 72

 

金沢市の金沢仏壇商工業協同組合が、仏壇と神棚を組み合わせた回転式のミニ仏壇「からくり仏壇」を完成させた。用途に応じて回転させ、一台で二つの機能を果たすことがで きる。

 

読者からの投稿 10(文月、25 March 15

 

The Kanazawa Butsudan Commerce and Industry Cooperatives in Kanazawa City has developed a two-way revolving mini bustudan, a Buddhist home altar, called "Karakuri Butsudan." This is a combination of a butsudan and a kamidana, a Shinto home altar, and plays two roles by being revolved as needed.

 

添削

 

The Kanazawa Butsudan (Buddhist Home Altar1) Commerce and Industry Cooperatives in Kanazawa City has developed a two-way revolving mini bustudan, a Buddhist home altar, called the "Karakuri Butsudan." This is a combination of a butsudan and a kamidana (, a Japanese Shinto religion home altar), and plays these two roles by being revolved from its front side to the back side as needed.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       文章の初めで英語の説明を入れたほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Kanazawa Butsudan (Buddhist Home Altar1) Commerce and Industry Cooperative in Kanazawa City has developed a two-way revolving mini bustudan, called the "Karakuri Butsudan." This is a combination of a butsudan and a kamidana ( a Japanese Shinto religion home altar), and plays these two roles by being revolved from its front side to the back side  as needed.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Valley winds, 23 October 12

 

The Kanazawa Household Buddhist Altar Trade’s Cooperative completed “Karakuri Butsudan”, the small reversible altar combined a Buddhist altar with a Shinto altar. We can turn it accordingly and use two functions by one.

 

添削

 

The Kanazawa Household Buddhist Altar Trade’s Cooperative completed the “Karakuri Butsudan”, a the small reversible altar combineding a Buddhist altar with a Shinto altar. We can turn it around to get one of these alters accordingly and to our use two functions by one.

 

コメント

 

最後の文の内容がわかりません。添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Kanazawa Household Buddhist Altar Trade Cooperative completed the “Karakuri Butsudan”, a small reversible altar combining a Buddhist altar with a Shinto altar. We can turn it around to get one of these alters according to our use .

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 15 October 09

 

Kanazawa Buddhist Altar Commerce & Industry Cooperative Society in Kanazawa City has developed a new product, “Karakuri Butsudan (mechanical altar)”, a small turn-style altar that serves a dual purpose. By turning it around, you can use it as either Buddhist or Shinto altar, whichever you like.

 

添削

 

The Kanazawa Buddhist Altar Commerce & Industry Cooperative Society in Kanazawa City has developed a new product, a “Karakuri Butsudan (a mechanical altar)”, a small turntable-style altar that serves a dual purposes. By turning it around from the front to back side, you can use it as either a Buddhist or Shinto altar, as you need it whichever you like1.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       仏壇と神棚が共存している家で仏壇にお線香をあげるときと、神棚に灯明をつける時に「からくり仏壇」を使うのでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Kanazawa Buddhist Altar Commerce & Industry Cooperative Society in Kanazawa City has developed a new product, a “Karakuri Butsudan (a mechanical altar)”, a small turntable-style altar that serves dual purposes. By turning it around from the front to back side, you can use it as either a Buddhist or Shinto altar, as you need it.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 12 April 08

 

The Kanazawa Buddhist Alter Manufacturer Cooperatives in Kanazawa City invented a "mechanical Buddhist alter", a rotating small-size Buddhist alter combined with a Shinto alter. Just one alter can serve for two religious services by being rotated around to the right side depending on the user's necessity.

 

添削

 

The Kanazawa Buddhist Alter Manufacturer Cooperatives in Kanazawa City invented a "mechanical Buddhist alter", a rotating small-sized Buddhist alter combined with a Shinto alter. We can use Jjust one alter can serve for two religious services by being rotateding it around to the right side depending on the user's necessity1.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       能動態にしたほうがわかりやすいとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Kanazawa Buddhist Alter Manufacturer Cooperatives in Kanazawa City invented a "mechanical Buddhist alter", a rotating small-sized Buddhist alter combined with a Shinto alter. We can use just one alter for two religious services by rotating it to the right side.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 24 February 08

 

Kanazawa Industrial and Commercial Cooperative Association completed to develop a small family altar called "magic altar". It has two facades, one for the Buddism and the other for the Shinto. Users can rotate it in each side as needed.

 

添削

 

The Buddhist Altar Manufactures Association of Kanazawa Industrial and Commercial Cooperative Association completed to developed a small family altar called the "magic altar". It has two facades sides, one for the Buddism Buddhism and the other for the Shinto. Users can rotate it the altar to get the side they want in each side as needed.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、Users can rotate it in each side as needed. がわかりません。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Buddhist Altar Manufactures Association of Kanazawa developed a small family altar called the "magic altar". It has two sides, one for Buddhism and the other for Shinto. Users can rotate the altar to get the side they want .

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、18 May 07

 

The Kanazawa Butsudan Commerce and Industry Association in Kanazawa City created "Karakuri Butsudan" which combined a family altar and a household altar and had a rotating table top. "Karakuri Butsudan" is smaller than an usual type. As the family altar can be rotated as the usage, it can give us the double structural functions.

 

添削

 

The Kanazawa Butsudan Buddhist Alter Commerce and Industry Association in Kanazawa City created a "Karakuri Butsudan (a mechanical alter)1" which combined a family Buddhist altar and with a Japanese Shinto household alter and had on a rotating table top. The "Karakuri Butsudan" is smaller than an usual type. As the family altar can be rotated back and force between the Buddhist alter and the Shinto alter2 as the usage, it can give us the double structural functions at home3.

 

コメント

 

1.       この英作文は日常英語を使う人を読者に想定しているので、日本語の固有名詞、特殊名詞には英文の説明を付けます。

 

2.       もう位置で「からくり仏壇」の説明を入れるとよいでしょう。

 

3.       「家庭用」ということをどこかに入れておくと良いので、ここにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Kanazawa Buddhist Alter Commerce and Industry Association in Kanazawa City created a "Karakuri Butsudan (a mechanical alter)" which combined a Buddhist altar with a Japanese Shinto alter on a rotating table top. The "Karakuri Butsudan" is smaller than an usual type. As the altar can be rotated back and force between the Buddhist alter and the Shinto alter, it can give us the double functions at home.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、8 March 07

 

The Kanazawa Buddhist altar commerce and industry cooperative union in Kanazawa City completed a rotary small Buddhist altar which combined a Buddhist with a household altar. They called it "Karakuri Buddhist Altar". Depending on the purpose, we can rotate the altar and use either a Buddhist or a household altar.

 

添削

 

The Kanazawa Buddhist aAltar cCommerce and iIndustry cCooperative union in Kanazawa City completed a small,1 rotary small Buddhist altar which combined a Buddhist with a household altar. They called it the "Karakuri Buddhist Altar (Mechanical Buddhist Alter)2". Depending on the purpose, we can rotate the altar and use either a Buddhist or a household altar.

 

コメント

 

1.       a small rotary Buddhist alterとするとrotary部分が小さい仏壇、ともとれます。a small, rotary Buddhist alterとコンマを入れると、a rotary Buddhist alter全体が小さい、ということがはっきりします。

 

2.       英語を日常使う読者を対象にするという前提なので、英語の説明を入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Kanazawa Buddhist Altar Commerce and Industry Cooperative in Kanazawa City completed a small, rotary Buddhist altar which combined a Buddhist with household altar. They called it the "Karakuri Buddhist Altar (Mechanical Buddhist Alter)". Depending on the purpose, we can rotate the altar and use either a Buddhist or household altar.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Hanasaki, 29 November 06

 

Kanazawa Buddhist Alter Industrial and Commercial Cooperative Association in Kanazawa City has made a small rotating alter "Karakuri Alter", one side of which is a Buddhist alter and the other side is a household alter. We can use either side of the alter by rotating it depending on purpose.

 

添削

 

The Kanazawa Buddhist Alter Industrial and Commercial Cooperative Association1 in Kanazawa City has made developed2 a small rotating alter called the "Karakuri Alter", one side of which3 is a Buddhist alter and the other side is a household alter. Depending on the purpose, Wwe can use either side of the alter by rotating it depending on purpose to the Buddhist alter or the household alter4.

 

コメント

 

1.       長い名称ですが、単語の並び方がよいので内容がわかりますね。cooperativeは今日道具見合い(共同組合の誤変換)という名詞にもよく使われます。The Kanazawa Cooperative of Buddhist Alter Manufacturers という名称もあるでしょう。

 

2.       developed開発した、がよいでしょう。

 

3.       上手な文のつなぎ方ですね。複雑な日本文の内容がわかりやすく英文で表現してあります。

 

4.       既に文章に出てきていることですが、このような補足説明を入れると内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Kanazawa Buddhist Alter Industrial and Commercial Cooperative Association in Kanazawa City has developed a small rotating alter called the "Karakuri Alter", one side of which is a Buddhist alter and the other side is a household alter. Depending on the purpose, we can use either side of the alter by rotating it to the Buddhist alter or the household alter.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 17 September 05

 

The Kanazawa Buddhist Alter Commerce and Industrial Cooperative in Kanazawa city made a small sized rotary Buddhist altar which combines both Buddhist and Shinto altar, called “Gimmick Buddhist Altar.” Depend on the purpose, the altar enable us to turn and choose each function.

 

添削 

 

The Kanazawa Buddhist Alter Commerce and Industrial Cooperative in Kanazawa cCity made a small- sized rotary rotating1 Buddhist altar called the “Mechanical Buddhist Alter2,” which combines both a Buddhist and with a Shinto altar, called “Gimmick Buddhist Altar.”. Depending on the purpose, the altar enables us to turn rotate3 and choose the alter we want to use each function.

 

1.       rotatingとしたほうがこの仏壇の動作がわかりやすいとおもいます。

 

2.       gimmickにはたしかに「からくり新機軸、新案装置」の意味があるのですが、通常「人目を引く変わったもの」を指して使うので、商品名にはふさわしくないようにおもいます。単純ですが、mechanical Buddhist alterにしました。

 

3.       rotatingという言葉を既に使っているので、rotateとすると関連がよくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Kanazawa Buddhist Alter Commerce and Industrial Cooperative in Kanazawa City made a small-sized rotating altar called the “Mechanical Buddhist Alter,” which combines a Buddhist with a Shinto altar. Depending on the purpose, the altar enables us to rotate and choose the alter we want to use .

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント6019 August 04

 

The Kanazawa Buddhist Altar Commerce and Industry Association in Kanazawa City has succeeded in creating the "Karakuri(Magic) Altar," a minisize revolving type in a form of a combination of a Buddhist altar and Shinto altar. The new altar has two functions performed by one piece by revolving the body depending on uses.

 

添削

 

The Kanazawa Buddhist Altar Commerce and Industry Association in Kanazawa City has succeeded in creating the "Karakuri (Magic) Altar1," a minisize2 miniature revolving type that combines3 in a form of a combination of a Buddhist altar and Shinto altar. The new altar has two functions performed by one piece by revolving the body depending on uses.

 

コメント

 

1.       適切な表現方法ですね。

 

2.       和製英語です。日本語には和製英語が多くなっているので注意してください。

 

3.       関係代名詞を使ったほうが表現がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Kanazawa Buddhist Altar Commerce and Industry Association in Kanazawa City has succeeded in creating the "Karakuri (Magic) Altar," a miniature revolving type that combines a Buddhist and Shinto altar. The new altar has two functions performed by one piece by revolving the body depending on uses.

 

 

読者からの投稿1(ごーや、23 Aug 03

 

The Buddhist Altar Manufactures Association of Kanazawa invented a new mechanical Buddhist altar which combines a Buddhist altar on the one side and a Japanese Shinto altar on the other side. Each side can appear on the front side when it is needed.

 

添削

 

The Buddhist Altar Manufactures Association of Kanazawa invented a new miniature small-sized mechanical Buddhist altar. This mechanical altar has1 which combines a Buddhist altar on the one side and a Japanese Shinto altar on the other side. Each side can  be mechanically rotated to2 appear on the front side3 when it is3 needed.

 

コメント

 

1.       「仏壇と神棚を組み合わせた回転式の」の修飾句をごーやさんはwhich節で説明しています。ここで文を切って新しい文でwhich節の内容を説明したほうが文章がすっきりすると思います。

 

2.       添削ではこのメカニズムを説明しました。

 

3.       添削のように省略できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Buddhist Altar Manufactures Association of Kanazawa invented a new small-sized mechanical Buddhist altar. This mechanical altar has a Buddhist altar on one side and a Japanese Shinto altar on the other side. Each side can be mechanically rotated to appear on the front when needed.

 

 

初級問題 73

 

8月11日に米国で発見された新型コンピューターウィルスは急速に世界に蔓延し、12日夕刻までに全世界で12万5千台のコンピューターが感染した。

 

読者からの投稿 12 (文月、15 March 15)

 

A new type of computer virus found in U.S. on August 11 prevailed rapidly around the world and infected total 125 thousands computers globally until the evening on the next day.

 

添削

 

A new type of computer virus was1 found in the U.S. on August 11. It prevailed spread rapidly around the world and infected a total of 125 thousands computers globally until by the evening on of the next day.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       時間を追って説明したほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new type of computer virus was found in the U.S. on August 11. It spread rapidly around the world and infected a total of 125 thousands computers globally by the evening of the next day.

 

読者からの投稿 11(Valley winds, 22 October 12

 

A new computer virus identified in the United States on August 11 has been spreading around the world. 125 thousand computers catch it in the world by August 12.

 

添削

 

A new computer virus identified in the United States on August 11 has been spreading around the world. By August 121, a total of2 125 thousand computers had been infected by the virus catch it in the world by August 12.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       ここに置いた方が時間の流れがはっきりします。

 

2.       文頭に数字がくると読みにくいので、このようなおまけをつけるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new computer virus identified in the United States on August 11 has been spreading around the world. By August 12, a total of 125 thousand computers had been infected by the virus .

 

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Tatsuo, 9 October 10

 

The new type of virus for Computers, which was found in United State on August 11, has rapidly spread in the world. The virus infected 125,000 computers over the world until the evening on August 12.   

 

添削

 

The new type of virus for Computers, which was found in United State on August 11, has rapidly spread in the world. The virus infected 125,000 computers over the world until by the evening on of August 12.   

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The new type of virus for Computers, which was found in United State on August 11, has rapidly spread in the world. The virus infected 125,000 computers over the world by the evening of August 12.   

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(mxtomi, 15 October 09

 

The new computer virus detected in the US on August 11 has rapidly spread worldwide, infecting 125 thousands of computers across the world as of the evening of August 12.

 

添削

 

The new computer virus detected in the US on August 11 has rapidly spread worldwide, infecting 125 thousands of computers across the world as of the evening of August 12.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The new computer virus detected in the US on August 11 has rapidly spread worldwide, infecting 125 thousands computers  as of the evening of August 12.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(kk, 12 April 08

 

A new type of computer virus was detected in the United States on August 11th. It rapidly spread worldwide thereafter. By the evening of the 12th, some one hundred twenty five thousand computers across the world had been infected by the virus.

 

添削

 

A new type of computer virus was detected in the United States on August 11th. It rapidly spread worldwide thereafter. By the evening of the 12th, some one hundred twenty five thousand computers across the world had been infected by the virus.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 26 February 08

 

A new computer virus had been discovered in the United States on August 11. It spread rapidly all over the world. About 125 thousand of computers had been infected by the evening on the next day.

 

添削

 

A new computer virus had been was first discovered in the United States on August 11. It spread rapidly all over the world. By the evening of August 121, Aabout 125 thousand of computers had been infected by the virus the evening on the next day.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       短い時間で感染が広がったことを強調するために、ここに日付を置くとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new computer virus was first discovered in the United States on August 11. It spread rapidly all over the world. By the evening of August 12, about 125 thousand computers had been infected by the virus .

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(散歩人、19 May 07

 

The new type computer virus found in the United State has been rapidly spreading all over the world. The 125 thousand computers were infected by the virus by 12th evening.

 

添削

 

The A new type computer virus was found in the United State on August 11 and has been rapidly spreading all over the world1. By the evening of August 122, The 125 thousand computers had been3 were infected by the virus by 12th evening.

 

コメント

 

1.       時間の順序を追って何が起こったか説明するとわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       短い時間にウィルスが蔓延したということを強調するために、ここに日付を入れるとよいでしょう。

 

3.       「感染してしまった」ということを強調するために過去完了形にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new type computer virus was found in the United State on August 11 and rapidly spread all over the world. By the evening of August 12, 125 thousand computers had been infected by the virus.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、8 March 07

 

A new type of computer virus discovered in the US on August 11 rapidly expanded into the world and infected 125,000 computers all over the world by the evening on August 12.

 

添削

 

A new type of computer virus that had1 been discovered in the US on August 11 has rapidly expanded spread into the rest of the world and infected 125,000 computers all over the world2 by the evening on of August 12.

 

コメント

 

1.       時間関係を明確にするためにこうするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       すでにto the rest of the worldと言っているので、これは省略します。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new type of computer virus that had been discovered in the US on August 11 has rapidly spread to the rest of the world and infected 125,000 computers by the evening of August 12.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 17 September 05

 

A new type of computer virus found in the U.S.A on August 11th rapidly speeded all over the world. By the evening of 12th, 125thousand of computers were infected in the world.

 

添削

 

A new type of computer virus found in the U.S.A on August 11th has rapidly speeded spread1 all over the world. By the evening of 12th, 125 thousand of computers were infected in the world2.

 

コメント

 

1.       現在完了形にすると「蔓延しつくした」という感じになってよいでしょう。

 

2.       二つの文にわけて、By the evening of 12th, と2番目の文を始めてたので、文章全体に動きがあってよいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new type of computer virus found in the U.S.A on August 11th has rapidly spread all over the world. By the evening of 12th, 125 thousand computers were infected in the world.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(tama, 8 December 04

 

The new computer virus, which was discovered in the United States on August 11 and spread to the world, had 125,000 computers infected all over the world by the evening of the 12th.

 

添削

 

The new computer virus, which was discovered in the United States on August 11 11th1 and quickly spread to all over2 the world, had infected 3125,000 computers infected all over the world by the evening of the 12th4.

 

コメント

 

1.       文の最後にthe 12thとあるので、それと形を同じにしたほうが良いでしょう。

 

2.       all over the world をここに入れて、文の後のものを省略すると文がすっきりします。

 

3.       The virus affected computers.で動作の主体はthe virusです。

 

4.       The new computer virus ~というように文が始まっているので、ある特別な(伝染力の強い悪質な)ウィルスのことを話している文章の一部という印象になります。ウィルスは日常茶飯事(まったくいやになりますね、私は三つのコンピュータにアンチウィルス・プログラムを入れているので、1年のプログラム更新料だけで9千円になってしまいます)ならば、A new computer virus emerged in the United States on August 11th and quickly spread to the rest of the world, infecting 125,000 computers by the evening of the 12th.というように表現できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The new computer virus, which was discovered in the United States on August 11th and quickly spread all over the world, had infected 125,000 computers by the evening of the 12th.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、19 August 04

 

A new computer virus detected in the U.S. on August 11 quickly spread to the rest of the world. A total of 125,000 computers were infected worldwide by sometime on the evening of August the 12th.

 

添削

 

A new computer virus detected in the U.S. on August 11 quickly spread to the rest of the world.  A total of 125,000 computers were infected worldwide by sometime on1 the evening of August the 12th 122.

 

コメント

 

1.       そもそも「12日夕刻まで」が曖昧なひょうげんですが、by sometime on the evening of ~とするとかえって曖昧さが増加します。単にby the evening of ~とするほうが良いでしょう。

 

2.       この表現でもよいですが、同じ文章のなかでは日時の表記法を統一したほうが良いでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new computer virus detected in the U.S. on August 11 quickly spread to the rest of the world.  A total of 125,000 computers were infected worldwide by the evening of August 12.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(えり、23 Aug 03

 

On August 11, a new type of computer virus was discovered in the United States. By the evening of August 12, it has infected about 125,000 computers in the world.

 

添削

 

On August 11, a new type of computer virus was discovered in the United States. By the evening of August 12, it has had quickly infected about 125,000 computers in the world worldwide.

 

コメント

 

えりさんは日本文の内容を英文では二つの文に上手に整理しています。日本文の「急速に世界に蔓延し」はhad quickly infectedに含まれているので省略できますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

On August 11, a new type of computer virus was discovered in the United States. By the evening of August 12, it had quickly infected about 125,000 computers worldwide.

 

 

初級問題 74

 

8月10日日午前10時ごろ、福岡市中央区の5階建て立体駐車場の屋上から、普通乗用車が鉄さくを突き破り、道路を挟んだ向かいの2階建て雑居ビル屋上に転落した。運転手の男性は1時間車内に閉じこめられたが救出され軽傷。

 

読者からの投稿 11(文月、3 June 15

 

At around ten o'clock on August 10, in Chuo-ku in Fukuoka City, a passenger car crashed through an iron fence on a rooftop of a five-story parking tower and fell on a rooftop of a two-story multi-tenant building across the street. The driver was locked inside his car for one hour and then rescued suffering only minor injuries.

 

添削

 

At around ten o'clock on August 10, in Chuo-ku in Fukuoka City, a passenger car crashed through an iron fence on a rooftop of a five-story parking tower and fell on a rooftop of a two-story multi-tenant building across the street. The driver was locked inside his car for one hour and then rescued suffering only minor injuries.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。添削箇所はありません。読みやすい文章です。

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 23 October 12

 

A car broke through a iron fence and fell onto a office block opposite across the road from the roof of a five-story parking building at The Cyuo Ward Fukuoka City at about ten am, on August 10. The driver, a man, had been trap in the car for one hour and was rescued. He was slightly injured.

 

添削

 

A car broke through an iron fence and fell form the rooftop parking lot of a five-story parking building onto the rooftop of an office building block opposite across the road from the roof of a five-story parking building at The Cyuo Ward, Fukuoka City at about 10:00 ten am, on August 10. The driver, a man, had been trap in the car for one hour before he and was rescued. He was slightly injured.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A car broke through an iron fence and fell form the rooftop parking lot of a five-story parking building onto the rooftop of an office building across the road at Cyuo Ward, Fukuoka City at about 10:00 am on August 10. The driver, a man, had been trap in the car for one hour before he was rescued. He was slightly injured.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Tatsuo, 9 October 10

 

On August 10 around 10am, a car fell down from a rooftop of five stories multilevel car parking tower in Chuo ward, Fukuoka. The car broke a steel barricade and dropped off toward the two stories multi-tenant building where was in front of the car park. The male driver of this car was rescued after he had been trapped in the car for one hour. At the end, he received minor injury only.

 

添削

 

About 10 am1 Oon August 10 around 10am, a car fell off2 down from the a rooftop of a five storiesd multilevel car parking tower in Chuo wWard, the City3 of Fukuoka. The car broke a steel barricade and dropped off down towards a the two storiesd multi-tenant building on the opposite side where was in front of the car park. The male driver of this car was rescued after he had been trapped in the car for one hour. At the end, hHe received only minor injuryies4 only.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

時間を日付の前にします。細かいところから大きなところ、という順序です。

 

柵を破って、というのにはoffがよいでしょう。

 

福岡市と福岡県があるので、市とはっきりさせるとよいでしょう(細かなコメントですが、公式な文書を書くときには必要です)。

 

このような場合複数形で使うのが一般的です。あちこち怪我をしたのでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

About 10 am on August 10, a car fell off from the rooftop of a five storied car parking tower in Chuo Ward, the City of Fukuoka. The car broke a steel barricade and dropped down towards a two storied multi-tenant building on the opposite side of the car park. The male driver of this car was rescued after he had been trapped in the car for one hour. He received only minor injuries.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 15 October 09

 

A passenger car broke through a steel fence on the top floor of a five-storied parking lot at Chuo ward, Fukuoka City around 10 a.m. on August 10. It fell down onto the roof of a two-storied multi-tenant building across the street from the parking tower. The male driver was rescued from inside the car an hour later and found slightly injured.

 

添削

 

A passenger car broke through a steel fence on the top floor of a five-storied parking lot at Chuo wWard, Fukuoka City around 10 a.m. on August 10. It The car fell down onto the roof of a two-storied multi-tenant building across the street from the parking tower. The male driver was rescued from inside the car an hour later and found slightly injured.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A passenger car broke through a steel fence on the top floor of a five-storied parking lot at Chuo Ward, Fukuoka City around 10 a.m. on August 10. The car fell down onto the roof of a two-storied multi-tenant building across the street from the parking tower. The male driver was rescued from inside the car an hour later and found slightly injured.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 12 April 08

 

A passenger car crashed through steel raillings on the top floor of a five-story parking tower and fell down onto the rooftop of a two-story-multi-tenant building across the street at the Chuo Ward, Fukuoka City around 10 a.m. on August 10. The male driver had been trapped inside the crushed car for an hour before rescued. He suffered a slight injury.

 

添削

 

A passenger car crashed through the steel raillings railings on the top floor of a five-story parking tower and fell down onto the rooftop of a two-story-multi-tenant building across the street at the Chuo Ward, Fukuoka City around 10 a.m. on August 10. The male driver had been trapped inside the crushed car for an hour before he was rescued. He suffered only a slight injury.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。事実関係が良くわかる文章です。いろいろな情報が入っていますが、要点はA car crashed through the railings and fell down.ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

A passenger car crashed through the steel railings on the top floor of a five-story parking tower and fell down onto the rooftop of a two-story-multi-tenant building across the street at Chuo Ward, Fukuoka City around 10 a.m. on August 10. The male driver had been trapped inside the crushed car for an hour before he was rescued. He suffered only a slight injury.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 28 February 08

 

About 10 o'clock in the morning on April 10, a car smashed through the iron fence and tumbled down from the roof of the five-story parking tower at Chuo Ward, Fukuoka City. The car jumped into the roof of the two-story omnibus building which was located in the opposite side of the parking tower beyond a road. A male driver had been trapped in his car for an hour but later rescued with minor injuries.

 

添削

 

About 10 o'clock in the morning on April 10, a car smashed through the iron fence and tumbled fell1 down from the roof top floor2 of the five-story parking tower at Chuo Ward, Fukuoka City. The car jumped into the roof of the two-story omnibus building which was located in the opposite side of the parking tower beyond a road. A male driver had been trapped in his car for an hour but before he was later rescued with minor injuries.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       tumbled downはごろごろと転がり落ちる、感じなのでfell downがよいでしょう。

 

2.       日本文には屋上とありますが、the roofとすると屋根になってしまうので、the top floorがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

About 10 o'clock in the morning on April 10, a car smashed through the iron fence and fell down from the top floor of the five-story parking tower at Chuo Ward, Fukuoka City. The car jumped into the roof of the two-story omnibus building which was located in the opposite side of the parking tower beyond a road. A male driver had been trapped in his car for an hour before he was rescued with minor injuries.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、19 May 07

 

Around ten in the morning on August 10th, a car brake through an iron fence of a roof of a five-storied parking tower and dropped down, across a street, into a roof of a two-storied multi-tenant building in Chuo Ward of Fukuoka City. The man driver of the car was rescued in an hour although he was trapped in the crashed car, and he escaped the accident with only minor wounds,

 

添削

 

Around ten in the morning on August 10th, a car brake broke through an iron fence of a the roof top floor of a five-storied parking tower and dropped down, across a street, inonto a the roof of a two-storied multi-tenant building across the street in Chuo Ward of Fukuoka City. The man male driver of the car was rescued in an hour although he was trapped in the crashed car for an hour but was rescued, and he escaped the accident with only minor wounds injuries1.

 

コメント

 

1.       時間の順序で何が起こったか説明したほうが内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around ten in the morning on August 10th, a car broke through an iron fence of the top floor of a five-storied parking tower and dropped down onto the roof of a two-storied multi-tenant building across the street in Chuo Ward of Fukuoka City. The male driver of the car was trapped in the crashed car for an hour but was rescued with only minor injuries.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、8 March 07

 

Around 10 a.m. on August 10, a car broke through an iron railing and fell onto the roof of a two storied multi-tenant building across the road from the roof of a five storied car parking tower in Chuo-ku, Fukuoka City. A male driver was temporarily confined within the car, but he was rescued with a minor injury.

 

添削

 

Around 10 a.m. on August 10, a car broke through an iron railing and fell from the top floor of a five storied car parking tower1 onto the roof of a two storied multi-tenant building across the road from the roof of a five storied car parking tower in Chuo-ku, Fukuoka City. A male driver was temporarily trapped confined within in the car for an hour2, but he was rescued with a minor injury.

 

コメント

 

1.       from A onto Bという順序のほうが内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       問題に誤りがありました。「一時」ではなくて「1時間」でした。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 10 a.m. on August 10, a car broke through an iron railing and fell from the top floor of a five storied car parking tower onto the roof of a two storied multi-tenant building across the road in Chuo-ku, Fukuoka City. A male driver was trapped in the car for an hour but was rescued with a minor injury.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 18 September 05

 

Around 10pm on August 10th, by breaking through iron railing, a car had fallen from the top of a five-story parking garage to the roof of a two-story office building across the street in Chuo-ku, Fukuoka city. After having been locked in the car for one hour, a male driver was rescued with just slight injury.

 

添削

 

Around 10 am pm on August 10-th, by breaking through iron railing, a car had fallen broke through an iron railing on1 from the top of a five-story parking garage and fell onto the roof of a two-story office building across the street in Chuo-ku, Fukuoka cCity. After having been locked trapped in the car for one hour, a male driver was rescued with just slight injury.

 

コメント

 

1.       主語を文の最初のほうに置いたほうが、何が主語なのか読者に早くわかるので、よみやすくなります。従属節by breaking through ~でも内容はわかりますが、この例題では事件の時間を追って、a car broke through an iron railing and fell onto the roof of ~としたほうが内容がわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 10 am on August 10-th, a car broke through an iron railing on the top of a five-story parking garage and fell onto the roof of a two-story office building across the street in Chuo-ku, Fukuoka City. After having been trapped in the car for one hour, a male driver was rescued with just slight injury.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、20 August 04

 

A passenger car, breaking through the steel fence, dashed and accidentally jumped off the rooftop of a five-storied multistory parking lot onto the rooftop of another two-storied multi-tenant building across the street in Chuo Ward, Fukuoka City around 10:00 a.m. on August 10. The male driver, rescued after being confined in the car for an hour, was only slightly injured.

 

添削

 

A passenger car, breaking through the steel fence, dashed and accidentally jumped off1 from the rooftop top floor2 of a five-storied story multistory parking lot building onto the rooftop of another two-storied story multi-tenant building across the street in Chuo Ward, Fukuoka City around 10:00 a.m. on August 10. The male driver of the car was3, rescued after being confined in the car for an hour , but was only slightly injured.

 

コメント

 

1.       明確で動きのある表現ですね。accidentally がよいですね。

 

2.       Rooftopというとどうしても建物を覆った屋根の印象があるのでtop floorにしました。

3.       この事件の時間の順序に従って添削のように簡単でよいとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

A passenger car, breaking through the steel fence, dashed and accidentally jumped off from the top floor of a five-story parking building onto the rooftop of another two-story multi-tenant building across the street in Chuo Ward, Fukuoka City around 10:00 a.m. on August 10. The male driver of the car was confined in the car for an hour but was only slightly injured.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(えり、30 Aug 03

 

About ten o’clock in the morning on August 10, a passenger car crashed through an iron fence at the rooftop of a five-story parking building at Chuo Ward in Fukuoka and fell onto the roof of a two-story building at the other side of a street. The male driver of the car was trapped in the car for an hour but he was rescued from the car with only a minor injury.

 

添削

 

About ten o’clock in the morning on August 10, a passenger car crashed through an iron fence at the rooftop parking space1 of a five-story parking building at Chuo Ward in Fukuoka and fell onto the roof of a two-story building at the other side of a street. The male driver of the car was trapped in the car for an hour but he was rescued from the car2 with only a minor injury.

 

コメント

 

日本文の最初の文の要点は「普通乗用車が鉄さくを突き破り転落した」ですね。あとは「福岡市中央区の5階建て立体駐車場の屋上から」と「道路を挟んだ向かいの2階建て雑居ビル屋上に」という場所をどういう順序で英文で表現するかです。えりさんはわかりやすい順番で場所を説明しています。at the rooftop of a five-story parking building at Chuo Ward in Fukuokaonto the roof of a two-story building at the other side of a streetは共に一番細かいところから始めてだんだんと広いところの順になっていることに注意してください。ちょうど日本語の場所の説明の逆になります。

 

1.       添削では具体的にどこかを説明しました。

 

2.       同じ文章ですでに車のことを言っていますから、ここでは省略します。

 

添削後の文章

 

About ten o’clock in the morning on August 10, a passenger car crashed through an iron fence at the rooftop parking space of a five-story parking building at Chuo Ward in Fukuoka and fell onto the roof of a two-story building at the other side of a street. The male driver of the car was trapped in the car for an hour but he was rescued with only a minor injury.

 

 

初級問題 75

 

8月1日から11日までに神奈川県内で20人が交通事故で死亡し、この期間中全国の都道府県の中で最悪の記録となった。

 

読者からの投稿 11(文月、25 March 15

 

From August 1 to August 11, twenty people were killed in traffic accidents in Kanagawa Prefecture, which is the worst record during this period among all prefectures.

 

添削

 

From August 1 to August 11 this year1, twenty people were killed in traffic accidents in Kanagawa Prefecture, which was is the worst record during this period among all prefectures.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       日本文にはありませんが、補足すると文章が具体的になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

From August 1 to August 11 this year, twenty people were killed in traffic accidents in Kanagawa Prefecture, which was the worst record during this period among all prefectures.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 30 October 12

 

Twenty people suffered traffic accidents and were killed between August 1 and August 11 in Kanagawa Prefecture. This prefecture recorded the worst number of the death toll in all prefectures for this period.

 

添削

 

Twenty people suffered were killed1 in traffic accidents and were killed between August 1 and August 11 in Kanagawa Prefecture. This prefecture recorded the largest worst number of the traffic deaths toll in all prefectures in for this period.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       交通事故死にはkillを使うが一般的です。

 

2.       交通事故はbadな出来事ですから、worstでもよいですが、largestのほうが感情の入らない客観的な表現です。

 

添削後の文章

 

Twenty people were killed in traffic accidents between August 1 and August 11 in Kanagawa Prefecture. This prefecture recorded the largest number of traffic deaths in all prefectures in  this period.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Tatsuio, 21 October 10

 

Twenty people were killed by traffic tragedies in Kanagawa prefecture between August 1 and 11. During this period, the record of traffic tragedies of Kanagawa was worst of all of prefectures in the whole country.   

 

添削

 

Twenty people were killed by in traffic accidents1 tragedies in Kanagawa pPrefecture between August 1 and 11. During this period, the record of traffic tragedies accidents of in  Kanagawa was the worst of all of prefectures in the whole country.   

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       具体的にaccidentsとするのがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Twenty people were killed in traffic accidents in Kanagawa Prefecture between August 1 and 11. During this period, the record of traffic accidents in Kanagawa was the worst of all of prefectures in the whole country.   

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 15 October 09

 

Twenty people were killed in traffic accidents in Kanagawa Prefecture during the period from August 1 through 11, thus making the prefecture the worst among all the prefectures in terms of road fatalities for the period.

 

添削

 

Twenty people were killed in traffic accidents in Kanagawa Prefecture during the period from August 1 through 11, thus making the prefecture the worst among all the prefectures in terms of road fatalities for the period.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 12 April 08

 

Twenty people had been killed in traffic accidents in Kanagawa Prefecture between August 1 and 11. It was the worst record among all the prefectures nationwide during this period.

 

添削

 

Twenty people had been killed in traffic accidents in Kanagawa Prefecture between August 1 and 11. It was the worst record among all the prefectures nationwide during this period.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 29 February 08

 

In Kanagawa Prefecture, twenty people got dead by car accidents from April 1 to 11. This was the worst record among prefectures in Japan during the same period of the year.

 

添削

 

In Kanagawa Prefecture, twenty people got dead were killed1 by in car accidents from between April 1 to 11. This was the worst record among prefectures in Japan during the same period of the year.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       事故が原因で死亡するとwere killedという表現を一般に用います。

 

添削後の文章

 

In Kanagawa Prefecture, twenty people were killed in car accidents between April 1 to 11. This was the worst record among prefectures in Japan during the same period.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、22 May 07

 

Twenty people was killed in a traffic accident in Kanagawa Prefecture from August first to August 11th. The number of transportation fatalities was the worst record all overt the prefectures.

 

添削

 

Twenty people was were killed in a traffic accidents in Kanagawa Prefecture between from August first to and August eleventh11th1. The This2 number of traffic transportation fatalities was the worst record nationwide during this period all overt the prefectures.

 

コメント

 

1.       firstと合わせてeleventhとします。

 

2.       前の文にでてくる数字なので、thisとすると何を指すかはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Twenty people were killed in traffic accidents in Kanagawa Prefecture between August first  and August eleventh. This number of traffic fatalities was the worst record nationwide during this period .

 

 

読者からの投稿 4〈岩ちゃん、8 March 07

 

Twenty people were killed in traffic accidents in Kanagawa Prefecture between August 1 and 11. During this period, this was the worst of prefectures throughout the country.

 

添削

 

Twenty people were killed in traffic accidents in Kanagawa Prefecture between August 1 and 11. During this period, this was the worst record1 of all prefectures in throughout the country.

 

コメント

 

1.       recordを入れたほうが内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Twenty people were killed in traffic accidents in Kanagawa Prefecture between August 1 and 11. During this period, this was the worst record1 of all prefectures in  the country.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 18 September 05

 

From August 1st to 11th, 20people died in traffic accidents in Kanagawa Prefecture and the prefecture recorded the worst number of victims in the nation during the term.

 

添削

 

From Between August 1st to and 11th1, 20 twenty2 people died were killed3 in traffic accidents in Kanagawa Prefecture and the prefecture recorded the worst largest4 number of victims in the nation during the term period.

 

コメント

 

1.       From August first to eleventhというと「8月1日から11日の毎日」という意味にもとれるので、Between August first and eleventhがよいでしょう。

 

2.       文の中に出てくる数字の回数が少なく、且つ小さな数字の時は英単語で表現したほうが文が読みやすくなります。

 

3.       交通事故ではpeople were killedという表現が普通です。日本語の感覚からするとpeople diedとしたくなりますね。

 

4.       「最悪」は文意からして「最大数」とわかりますが、the worst ではなくてthe largestが具体的な表現になります。

 

コメント

 

Between August 1st and 11th, twenty people were killed in traffic accidents in Kanagawa Prefecture and the prefecture recorded the largest number of victims in the nation during the  period.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、20 August 04

 

In Kanagawa Prefecture, twenty people were killed in traffic accidents during the period between August 1 and the 11th. This was the worst among all the prefectures in the nation recorded during the same period.

 

添削

 

In Kanagawa Prefecture, twenty people were killed in traffic accidents during the period 2 between August 1st 1and the 11th. This was the worst among all the prefectures in the nation recorded during the same period.

 

コメント

 

1.       between August 1st and 11thと形をそろえます。

 

2.       During the periodがなくても、次の文のthe same periodがこの期間を指していることがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

In Kanagawa Prefecture, twenty people were killed in traffic accidents between August 1st and the 11th. This was the worst among all the prefectures in the nation during the same period.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Yumi, 23 Aug 03

 

Between August 1 and 11, 20 people were killed in car accidents in Kanagawa Prefecture. This was the highest number of traffic fatality among the prefectures in Japan during this period.

 

添削

 

Between August 1st and 11th, 2003, 20 people were killed in car accidents in Kanagawa Prefecture. This was the highest number of traffic fatality fatalities among the prefectures in Japan nationwide during this period.

 

コメント

 

日本文は一つの文ですが、英文ではYumiさんのように二つの文にすると表現しやすくなりますね。

 

1.       On August 1, 2003というようにst (first)を省いて書くのが一般的になっていますが、ここでは日付が二つ続いてでて来るので、読者が頭の中で between August (the) first and (the) eleventhと発音しながら読むことを想定してstthを付けたほうが自然な感じの表現になります。

 

2.       文の前に神奈川県があるのでここではnationwideで全国の(都道府県)の意味がわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Between August 1st and 11th, 2003, 20 people were killed in car accidents in Kanagawa Prefecture. This was the highest number of traffic fatalities nationwide during this period.

 

初級問題 76

 

デジカメの購入時には画素数が気になります。デジカメ写真の使い方から考えると、ホームページの素材として使うなら100万画素以下、はがきサイズに印刷するなら130万ー200万画素、A4サイズに印刷するなら300万画素で十分です。

 

読者からの投稿 11(文月、24 September 15

 

When buying a digital camera, we put much value on the pixel count. Depending on the intended use of the photos, one million pixels or less are enough for a web page, 1.3 to 2 million pixels are enough for printing in postcard size, and three million pixels are enough for printing in A4 size.

 

添削

 

When buying a digital camera, we put much value on the pixel count. Depending on the intended use of the photos, one million pixels or less are enough for a web page, 1.3 to 2 million pixels are enough for printing in the postcard size, and three million pixels are enough for printing in the A4 size.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

When buying a digital camera, we put much value on the pixel count. Depending on the intended use of the photos, one million pixels or less are enough for a web page, 1.3 to 2 million pixels are enough for printing in the postcard size, and three million pixels are enough for printing in the A4 size.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Valley winds, 30 October 12

 

We care how many pixels the digital camera has, when we want to buy a digital camera. Thinking about how we use a digital photograph, it is enough to less than one million pixels, part of homepages from 1.3 million to 2.0 million pixels for a post card and 3.0 million pixels for A4-size printings.

 

添削

 

We wonder care how many pixels a the digital camera should have has, when we want to buy a digital camera. Thinking about how we use a digital photograph, it is enough to have less than one million pixels, part of for homepages, from 1.3 million to 2.0 million pixels for a post cards1 and 3.0 million pixels for A4-size printingss.

 

コメント

 

1.       it is enough to less than one million pixelsの所は添削のようにhaveが欠落していますが内容は推測できます。

 

2.       他が複数ですからここも複数で統一しましょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

We wonder how many pixels a digital camera should have when we want to buy a digital camera. Thinking about how we use a digital photograph, it is enough to have less than one million pixels for homepages, from 1.3 million to 2.0 million pixels for post cards and 3.0 million pixels for A4-size prints.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Tatsuo, 21 October 10

 

You pay attention to number of pixels when you buy a digital camera. However, if you consider how to use the digital camera, you could find the proper one easily. For example, you use a photo on a web site, it may be enough capacity less than one million pixcels one. If you print out some of photos to the same size of a letter, you can choose number of pixels between 1.3 and 2 million pixels. If you print out the photo to A4 size, the camera has three million pixels sufficiently.

 

添削

 

You pay attention to the number of pixels and wonder how large it should be1 when you buy a digital camera. However, iIf you consider how to use the digital camera, you can could find the proper size of pixels2 one easily. For example, if you use a photo on a web site, it less than one million pixels may be enough capacity less than one million pixels one. If you print out some of photos to in the same size of a letter size, you will need can choose number of pixels between 1.3 to and 2 million pixels. If you print out in the the photo to A4 size, you will need the camera has three million pixels sufficiently.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、分かり難いところがあります。

 

1.       「画素数が気になります」はこういう意味だとおもいます。英文では、日本文では表面に出ていない内容を具体的に表現するとわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       ここでは代名詞ではなくもとの名詞を使った方が内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

You pay attention to the number of pixels and wonder how large it should be when you buy a digital camera. If you consider how to use the digital camera, you can find the proper size of pixels easily. For example, if you use a photo on a web site, less than one million pixels may be enough. If you print out some of photos to in the letter size, you will need 1.3 to 2 million pixels. If you print out in the A4 size, you will need three million pixels.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 20 Oct  09

 

The number of pixels is always the center of people’s attention when they purchase a digital camera. The required number of pixels can vary depending on the intended use of the picture taken with a digital camera. If they are used for materials on one’s web site, one million pixels would suffice. If they are printed onto post-card size sheets, pixels in the range of 1.3 million to 2 million will be all right. If printed onto A4 size sheets, 3 million pixels will do.

 

添削

 

The number of pixels is always the center of people’s attention when they purchase a digital camera1. The required desirable number of pixels can varyies depending on the intended use of the pictures taken with by a digital camera. If they are used for materials on one’s web sites, one million pixels will be enough2 would suffice. If they are printed onto post-card size sheets, pixels in the range of 1.3 million to 2 million pixels will be all right. If they are printed onto A4 size sheets, 3 million pixels will do.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       口語調の日本文なので、英文も口語調にしてもよいでしょう。We focus attention to the number of pixels when we buy a digital camera. But the number of pixels you want depend on what you do with your pictures.のような感じです。

 

2.       三つの例を同じ構文で表現したほうが読者にわかりやすいでしょう。Plain Englishでは文構造の変化より内容のわかりやすさを優先します。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of pixels is always the center of people’s attention when they purchase a digital camera. The desirable number of pixels varies depending on the intended use of the pictures taken by a digital camera. If they are used for web sites, one million pixels will be enough. If they are printed on post-card size sheets, 1.3 million to 2 million pixels will be all right. If they are printed on A4 size sheets, 3 million pixels will do.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 12 April 08

 

When you are going to buy a digital camera, you might want to know about the number of pixels of digital cameras. The number of pixels will depend on the applications of your digital photos. For the materials of your homepage, the camera with 1 million pixels will do, and for the prints of the postcard-sized photos and the prints of the A4-sized photos, the one with 1.3 to 2 million pixels and with 3 million pixels will do respectively.

 

添削

 

When you are going to buy a digital camera, you might want to know about the number of pixels of digital cameras. The number of pixels will depend on the applications of your digital photos. For the materials of your homepage, you will need1 the a camera with 1 million pixels will do, and for the prints of the postcard-sized photos and the prints of the a camera A4-sized photos, the one with 1.3 to 2 million pixels, and for the prints of A4 sized photos  a camera with 3 million pixels will do respectively2.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       When you are ~と文章が始まるので、ここでもyou will need ~とすると読みやすいでしょう。

 

2.       三つの部分に分けたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

When you are going to buy a digital camera, you might want to know about the number of pixels of digital cameras. The number of pixels will depend on the applications of your digital photos. For the materials of your homepage, you will need a camera with 1 million pixels, for the prints of postcard-sized photos a camera with 1.3 to 2 million pixels, and for the prints of A4 sized photos a camera with 3 million pixels.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 29 February 08

 

We usually get worried about the pixel counts of a digital camera when we try to buy it. Less than one million-pixel is enough for pictures putting on homepages. From 1.3 to 2 million-pixel is necessary for printing on a postcard and 3 million-pixel is necessary for printing on a A4 paper.

 

添削

 

We usually get worried about the pixel counts of a digital camera when we try to buy it. Less than one million-pixel is large enough for pictures for putting on homepages. From 1.3 to 2 million-pixel is necessary for printing on a postcard and 3 million-pixel is necessary for printing on a A4 paper.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

We get worried about the pixel counts of a digital camera when we try to buy it. Less than one million-pixel is large enough for pictures for homepages. From 1.3 to 2 million-pixel is necessary for printing on a postcard and 3 million-pixel is necessary for printing on a A4 paper.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、22 May 07

 

I am very concerned about the number of pixels of digital cameras in purchasing it. When I think the application of a photograph taken by a digital camera, I always settle into a result that the pixel size is required at most 100 million pixel for the homepage materials, about 130-200 million pixel for a letter size printing, and 300 million pixel for an A4 size printing.

 

添削

 

I am very concerned about the number of pixels when I buy a of digital cameras in purchasing it1. When I think of the application of a photograph taken by a digital camera, I choose a digital camera2 with always settle into a result that the pixel size is required at most up to 100 million pixels for the homepage materials, about 1.30- to 2.00 million pixels for a letter size printing, and 3.00 million pixels for an A4 size printing.

 

コメント

 

1.       一般的に分詞構文より従属節のほうが文が読みやすくなります。

 

2.       日本文には「カメラを選ぶ、買う」ということが明示的に書いてありませんね。内容を取って「〜画素のカメラを選ぶ」とすると簡単な表現になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

I am very concerned about the number of pixels when I buy a digital camera. When I think of the application of a photograph taken by a digital camera, I choose a digital camera with  up to 1 million pixels for homepage materials, 1.3 to 2.0 million pixels for letter size printing, and 3.0 million pixels for A4 size printing.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、10 March 07

 

When we buy a digital camera, we are concerned with the number of pixels. When we think about how to use digital pictures, if we use them as materials of home pages, pictures should have below a million pixels. If we print them into the size of a post card, pictures should have pixels between 1.3 million and 2 million. If we print them into the A4 size, pictures should have 3 million pixels.

 

添削

 

When we buy a digital camera, we are concerned with the number of pixels. When we think about how to use digital pictures1, iIf we use digital pictures them as materials of for a home pages, the pictures should have less than below a million pixels. If we print them into in the size of a post card size, the pictures should have pixels between 1.3 million and 2 million. If we print them into in the A4 size, the pictures should have about 3 million pixels.

 

コメント

 

1.       写真の使い方が次に説明してあるので、ここは省略できます。

 

2.       print them in the post card sizeではprint themで「紙に印刷する」意味がありますから、ここでは印刷するサイズの説明を加えるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

When we buy a digital camera, we are concerned with the number of pixels. If we use digital pictures for a home page, the pictures should have less than a million pixels. If we print them in the post card size, the pictures should have pixels between 1.3 million and 2 million. If we print them in the A4 size, the pictures should have about 3 million pixels.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 18 September 05

 

When we purchase a digital camera, we often care about the number of pixels. Thinking it from the way of using, I think following pixels are enough.

 

For website material: Less than 1.0million pixels

For postcard size printing: 1.3million - 2.0million pixels

For A4 size printing: 3.0 million pixels

 

添削

 

When we purchase a digital camera, we are often concerned with care about the number of pixels. Thinking it of the number of pixels from for the way of using digital pictures1, I think the following number of pixels are enough.: 2

 

For website material,: Lless than 1.0 million pixels

For postcard size printing,: 1.3 million - 2.0 million pixels

For A4 size printing,: 3.0 million pixels

 

コメント

 

1.       「デジカメ写真の使い方から考えると」Thinking it (the number of pixels)としてitthe number of pixelsを指すとすると、添削のような補足説明が必要になります。Depending on how you use your digital pictures, you may follow the guideline below:と表現することもできます。

 

2.       並列構造の文を使ってあるので、内容の比較が簡単ですね。コロン、コンマの使い方は添削のようにするのが一般的です。

 

添削後の文章

 

When we purchase a digital camera, we are often concerned with the number of pixels. Thinking of the number of pixels for the way of using digital pictures, I think the following number of pixels are enough:

 

For website material, less than 1.0 million pixels

For postcard size printing, 1.3 million - 2.0 million pixels

For A4 size printing, 3.0 million pixels

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、21 August 04

 

We tend to care much about the pixels of digital cameras when we purchase them.  Considering how to use pictures taken by digital cameras, we should be satisfied with one million pixels or less for materials for web pages, 1.3 to 2 millions for printing on postcards and the like and 3 millions for printing on A4(typing-size) papers.

 

添削

 

We tend to care much about the number of 1the pixels of digital cameras when we consider purchase  purchasing a digital camera2. them.  Considering how to use pictures taken by a digital cameras, we should be satisfied with3 one million pixels or less for materials for web pages, 1.3 to 2 millions for printing on postcards and the like and 3 millions for printing on A4 (typing-size) papers4.

 

コメント

 

1.       pixelは「画素」なので「画素数」はthe number of pixelsとします。

 

2.       添削のようにすると文がすっきりします。

 

3.       「〜で十分です」をweを主語にしてwe should be satisfied with ~と表現したのは適切ですね。

 

4.       必要画素数について三つの例を並列形式で表現してあり、分かりやすくなっています。

 

添削後の文章

 

We tend to care much about the number of pixels when we consider purchasing a digital camera. Considering how to use pictures taken by a digital camera, we should be satisfied with one million pixels or less for materials for web pages, 1.3 to 2 millions for printing on postcards and the like and 3 millions for printing on A4 (typing-size) papers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Sue, 23 Aug 03

 

When we want to buy a digital camera, we are concerned with a number of pixels. From a view point of the use of digital pictures, any camera with less than one million pixels will be all right for taking pictures for an Internet homepage. For printing post-card sized color pictures, you need a camera with 1.3 million to 2.0 million pixels and for printing A4-sized color pictures, a camera with 3.0 million pixels will be adequate.

 

添削

 

When we want to buy a digital camera, we are concerned with a the number of pixels the camera has1. From a view point of the use of digital pictures2, For taking pictures for an Internet homepage3, any camera with less than up to one 1 million pixels will be all right for taking pictures for an Internet homepage. For printing post-card sized color pictures, you need a camera with 1.3 million to 2.0 million pixels and for printing A4-sized color pictures, you need4 a camera with 3.0 million pixels will be adequate.

 

コメント

 

日本文は「もしAならB,もしCならD,そしてもしEならF。」という構造で数字がたくさんあるのでどう整理して英文で表現するかが重要になります。Sueさんは並列構造を使って情報を整理しています。

 

1.       読者はデジカメの画素について知っていることを前提にしているので、もとのままでも良いですが、添削のように少し具体的にしました。

 

2.       ここは次にどのような使用法か具体的に出てくるので省略します。

 

3.       後に続く文と同じようにFor taking pictures for an Internet homepage,を文の始めに置くと、文の並列構造がはっきりします。

 

4.       文の最初の部分の形と同じになるようにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

When we want to buy a digital camera, we are concerned with the number of pixels the camera has. For taking pictures for an Internet homepage, any camera with up to 1 million pixels will be all right . For printing post-card sized color pictures, you need a camera with 1.3 million to 2.0 million pixels and for printing A4-sized color pictures, you need a camera with 3.0 million pixels.

 

 

初級問題 77

 

8月14日午後2時50分ごろ、関西空港の滑走路の両脇に設置されているライトの半数(計58個)が突然消え、視界不良になったため航空機の発着が出来なくなった。

 

読者からの投稿 12(文月、3 April 15

 

Around two fifty p.m. on August 14, about half of the lights (total of 58 units) suddenly went out on both side of a runway at Kansai Airport. This made it impossible for aircrafts to take off and land due to poor visibility.

 

添削

 

Around two fifty p.m. on August 14, about half of the lights (total of 58 units) suddenly went out on both sides of a runway at Kansai Airport. This made it impossible for aircrafts to take off and land due to poor visibility.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around two fifty p.m. on August 14, about half of the lights (total of 58 units) suddenly went out on both sides of a runway at Kansai Airport. This made it impossible for aircrafts to take off and land due to poor visibility.

 

読者からの投稿 11(31 October 12

 

The half of lights, in all 58 lights, placed on the both sides of a runway at the Kansai Airport suddenly went off and then visibility became wrong. Therefore all airplanes couldn’t arrive and take off.

 

添削

 

The half of lights, altogether in all 58 lights, placed on the both sides of a runway at the Kansai Airport suddenly went off and then visibility became wrong low. Therefore, no1 all airplanes couldn’t arrive or and take off.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       全否定は No airplane could take off.です。All airplanes could not take off.は部分否定です。

 

添削後の文章

 

The half of lights, altogether 58 lights, placed on the both sides of a runway at the Kansai Airport suddenly went off and then visibility became low. Therefore, no airplane could arrive or take off.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(ペテルブルグ、7 December 10

 

At about 10minutes before 2 o’clock afternoon on August 14 the half number of the lights (58 lights in total) installed on the both sides of a rollway of the Kansai airport suddenly went off. Pilots could not get necessary sight for flight enough and taking off and landing was impossible.

 

添削

 

At about 10minutes before 2 o’clock in the afternoon of on August 141, the half2 number of the lights (58 lights in total) installed on the both sides of a rollway runway of the Kansai International aAirport suddenly went off. Pilots could not get a clear necessary sight of the runway for flight enough and and taking off and landing became3 was impossible.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       丁寧に表現するとこうなりますが、On August 14 about 2:30 pm, でよいでしょう。

 

2.       Half of the apples in the basket were rotten. のように冠詞なしで使います。

 

3.       wasは状態ですが、becameは動作なので、この場合は動作のほうが印象がつよくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

At about 10minutes before 2 o’clock in the afternoon of August 14, half of the lights (58 lights in total) installed on the both sides of a runway of the Kansai International Airport suddenly went off. Pilots could not get a clear sight of the runway and taking off and landing became  impossible.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Tatsuo, 2 November 10

 

About 2:50pm on August 14, the half number of lights (total 58 lights), which are stood rows both side of the runway at Kansai airport, suddenly went off. In the event, airplanes could not be takeoff and landing due to the blurry vision.    

 

添削

 

About 2:50pm on August 14, the half1 number of lights (total 58 lights in total), which are stood in two rows on the both sides of the a runway at Kansai airport, suddenly went off. In the event, airplanes could not be takeoff or land and landing due to the poor visibility blurry vision2.    

 

コメント

 

文法の誤りはありますが、意味はわかります。

 

1.       two-thirds of ~と同じように比率を表すので冠詞はいりません。

 

2.       the blurry visionというとパイロットの視力が弱いというようにもとれます。

 

添削後の文章

 

About 2:50pm on August 14, half of lights ( 58 lights in total), which stood in two rows on the both sides of a runway at Kansai airport, suddenly went off. In the event, airplanes could not  takeoff or land due to the poor visibility.    

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(mxtomi, 20 October 09

 

About a half of the lights (58 in total) installed along the both sides of the runway at the Kansai Airport abruptly went off around 2:50 p.m. on August 14. The resultant low visibility on the runway disallowed airplanes to take off from or land at the airport.

 

添削

 

About a half of the lights (58 in total) installed along the both sides of the runway at the Kansai Airport abruptly went off around 2:50 p.m. on August 14. reducing1 The resultant low the visibility on the runways and preventing disallowed airplanes from to takeing off from or landing at the airport.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       文章の前半と後半を関係付けたいのですが、The resultant low visibility ~.は表現が堅苦しい感じがします。

 

添削後の文章

 

About half of the lights (58 in total) installed along both sides of the runway at the Kansai Airport abruptly went off around 2:50 p.m. on August 14 reducing the visibility on the runways and preventing airplanes from taking off from or landing at the airport.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(kk, 13 April 08

At around 2:50 p.m. on August 14, at Kansai International Airport, fifty-eight lights, that is, half of the lights, along both sides of the runways blacked out suddenly, which made it impossible for aircrafts to land or take off due to the bad visibility.

 

添削

 

At around 2:50 p.m. on August 14, at Kansai International Airport, fifty-eight lights, that is half of the lights, along both sides of the main1 runways, blacked out went off2 suddenly, and3 which made it impossible for aircrafts to land or take off due to the bad visibility.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       滑走路の両側とあるので、多分主滑走路のことでしょう。

 

2.       a blackoutの原意は空襲に備えて町や建物の明かりを消すことで、それから転意して停電にも使います。ここではライトの消えて原因はわからないので、単にwent offがよいでしょう。

 

3.       事柄を時間を追ってandで結んで記述したほうが文章の流れがよいとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

At around 2:50 p.m. on August 14, at Kansai International Airport, fifty-eight lights, that is, half of the lights along both sides of the main runway, went off suddenly and made it impossible for aircrafts to land or take off due to the bad visibility.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(dunkel, 1 March 08

 

At 2:50 p.m. on August 14, about a half of the total lights of 58 spots along the each side of the runaway at the Kansai International Airport suddenly turned off. Aircrafts got unable to land and take off because the pilots who had planed to land there couldn't see clearly the runaway by the accident.

 

添削

 

At 2:50 p.m. on August 14, about a half of the total lights of the lights (altogether 58 of them)1 spots along the each both sides of the runaway at the Kansai International Airport suddenly turned went2 off. Aircrafts got became unable to land and or take off because the pilots who had planed to land there couldn't clearly see clearly the runaway by the accident.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかりますが、日本文と較べるとライトの数が違います。

 

1.       消えたライトの数が58です。

 

2.       誰かが間違ってライトを消してしまったのならturned offですが、まだ原因がわからないのでwent offがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

At 2:50 p.m. on August 14, about half of the lights (altogether 58 of them) along the both sides of the runaway at Kansai International Airport suddenly went off. Aircrafts became unable to land or take off because the pilots couldn't clearly see the runaway.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、23 May 07

 

At 2:50 p.m. on August 14th, half the number of lights, 58 lights, on a runway of Kansai International Airport suddenly went off, and the aircraft could not land at the runway because the visibility around there was poor.

 

添削

 

At 2:50 p.m. on August 14th, half the number of lights, 58 of them1 lights, on a runway of Kansai International Airport suddenly went off.,  and the aAircraft could not land at on the runway because the visibility around there became2 was poor.

 

コメント

 

1.       58 of themとすると同じライトの数だとはっきりします。

 

2.       ライトが消えたので視界が悪くなった、という関係がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

At 2:50 p.m. on August 14th, half the lights, 58 of them, on a runway of Kansai International Airport suddenly went off. Aircraft could not land on the runway because the visibility around there became poor.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、10 March 07

 

Around 2:50 p.m. on August 14, a half of the lights (total 58 lights) on the both sides of the runways in Kansai International Airport suddenly went out. Blurry vision prevented air planes from taking off and landing.

 

添削

 

Around 2:50 p.m. on August 14, a half of the lights (total 58 lights) on the both sides of the runways in Kansai International Airport suddenly went out. Blurry The bad visibility1 vision prevented air planes from taking off and landing on the airport2.

 

コメント

 

1.       blurry visionというと「(例えば霧で)もやもやっとした視界」というような意味になります。電気が消えて暗くなったので、the bad visibilityでよいでしょう。

 

2.       前の文でわかるないようですが、このように文を完成させると、文がしっかりした構造にになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 2:50 p.m. on August 14, a half of the lights (total 58 lights) on the both sides of the runways in Kansai International Airport suddenly went out. The bad visibility prevented airplanes from taking off and landing on the airport.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 18 September 05

 

Around 2:50pm on August 14th, half the number of lights (total 58 lights) being set up both sides of the runways in kansai air terminal went out suddenly and the bad visibility prevented air crafts from taking off and landing.

 

添削

 

Around 2:50 pm on August 14th, half the number of lights (total 58 lights) being set up1 on both sides of the runways in kansai air terminal Kansai International Airport went out suddenly and the bad visibility prevented air crafts from taking off and or2 landing.

 

1.       「設置する」動作そのものに特別な意味が無いので、ここでは省略します。

 

2.       air crafts taking off and landingとすると、同じ飛行機が離陸してから着陸する、という意味にもなるので、ここではair crafts taking off or landingとします。

 

添削後の文書

 

Around 2:50 pm on August 14th, half the number of lights (total 58 lights) on both sides of the runways in Kansai International Airport went out suddenly and the bad visibility prevented air crafts from taking off or landing.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、21 August 04

 

Around 2:50 p.m. on August 14, half(about 58) the lights fixed on both sides along the runway of Kansai International Airport suddenly went off. Visibility got so bad that airplanes could not make a takeoff or landing.

 

添削

 

Around 2:50 p.m. on August 14, half (about 58 units1) the lights fixed installed on both sides of along the main2 runway of at Kansai International Airport suddenly went off. Visibility got so bad that airplanes could not make a takeoff or landing.

 

コメント

 

1.       58という数字が突然でてくるので、なにかを数えているという意味で58 units とするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       日本文でははっきりしませんが、関西空港には何本も滑走路があるはずですから、ここではthe main runwayのことでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Around 2:50 p.m. on August 14, half (about 58 units) the lights installed on both sides of the main runway at Kansai International Airport suddenly went off. Visibility got so bad that airplanes could not make a takeoff or landing.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(TOMOKO, 5 Sept 03

 

At around 2:50 p.m. on August 14, 2003, half of the lights (58 pieces in total) on both sides of a runway at Kansai Airport went out suddenly. The blackout prevented aircraft from landing on and taking off from the airport under low visibility conditions.

 

添削

 

At around 2:50 p.m. on August 14, 20031, half of the lights (58 pieces in total) on both sides of a the main2 runway at Kansai Airport suddenly went out suddenly3. The blackout reduced visibility on the runway and4 prevented aircrafts from landing on and or taking off from the airport under low visibility conditions.

 

コメント

 

TOMOKOさんは日本文を上手に二つの英文に分けて表現しています。

 

練習問題には新聞記事を要約したものがあるので、日本文には年が落ちているものが多いですが、英文で表現するときにはTOMOKOさんのように年まで入れたほうが文が完結します。

 

文脈から考えると主要滑走路のようなのでこのようにしました。

 

私は学生のときにThe light went out suddenly.という語順が標準だと習いましたが、上の文のように文がsuddenlyで終わるよりThe light suddenly went out. という語順のほうが北米英語圏の人には語感が良いようです。ただし文が続く場合、たとえば、The light went out suddenly and the door opened silently.のようなときには動詞+副詞という語順でよいです。

 

添削のような順序にすると、事柄の起こった順に英文で説明するので内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

At around 2:50 p.m. on August 14, 2003, half of the lights (58 pieces in total) on both sides of the main runway at Kansai Airport suddenly went out. The blackout reduced visibility on the runway and prevented aircrafts from landing on or taking off from the airport.

 

初級問題 78

 

伊勢市では新観光戦略の柱として観光地、旅館、ホテルのバリアフリーを推進している。

 

読者からの投稿 12(文月、25 March 15

 

Ise City is promoting installation of barrier-free facilities in tourist sites, Japanese style inns, and hotels as the central pillar of a new tourism strategy.

 

添削

 

Ise City is promoting the installation of barrier-free facilities at its in tourist sites, such as Japanese style inns, and hotels as the central pillar of its a new tourism strategy.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Ise City is promoting the installation of barrier-free facilities at its tourist sites such as Japanese style inns and hotels as the central pillar of its new tourism strategy.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(Lucca, 31 October 12

 

Ise City is promoting barrier-free conversion of sightseeing places, Japanese hotels and hotels as the centerpiece of the new strategy in sightseeing promotions.

 

添削

 

Ise City is promoting barrier-free conversion of sightseeing places, Japanese hotels and Japanese inns hotels as the centerpiece of the a new strategy for in its sightseeing promotions.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

添削後の文章

 

Ise City is promoting barrier-free conversion of sightseeing places, hotels and Japanese inns as the centerpiece of a new strategy for its sightseeing promotion.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Tatsuo, 2 November 10

 

The City of Ise has promoted a new main tourism strategy that made barrier-free facilities at Tourist spots, Inns and Hotels.

 

添削

 

The City of Ise has is promoteding a new main tourism strategy that emphasizes made barrier-free facilities at Ttourist1 spots, Iinns and Hhotels.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       特に大文字で始める必要はありません。

 

添削後の文章

 

The City of Ise is promoting a new tourism strategy that emphasizes barrier-free facilities at tourist spots, inns and hotels.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(mxtomi, 20 October 09

 

As a center pillar of its new tourism strategies, the City of Ise has been promoting barrier-free environments on the part of scenic sites, Ryokan(Japanese-style inns) and hotels.

 

添削

 

As a the center pillar of its new tourism strategies, the City of Ise has been promoting a barrier-free environments on for its tourist the part of scenic sites, such as  Rryokan (Japanese-style inns) and hotels.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

As the center pillar of its new tourism strategies, the City of Ise has been promoting a barrier-free environment for its tourist such as ryokan (Japanese-style inns) and hotels.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(kk, 13 April 08

 

The City of Ise promotes the barrier-free access to tourist spots, inns and hotels as a main strategy for new tourist attractions.

 

添削

 

The City of Ise promotes the barrier-free access to tourist spots, inns and hotels as a main strategy for new tourist attractions.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 2 March 08

 

The Ise City Government promote to increase barrier-free facilities at the sightseeing spots, inns and hotels in Ise City because the Government see the barrier-free most important for its new sightseeing strategy.

 

添削

 

The Government of Ise City Government1 promotes to increase2 barrier-free facilities at the sightseeing spots, inns and hotels in the city Ise City because the Government sees the barrier-free environment to be the most important element for its new sightseeing strategy.

 

コメント

 

最期の文が不完全ですが、英文の内容の概略はわかります。

 

1.       英文は名詞の続く複合名詞を嫌うので添削のようにします。

 

2.       内容から見て省略できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Government of Ise City promotes barrier-free facilities at sightseeing spots, inns and hotels in the city because the Government sees the barrier-free environment to be the most important element for its new sightseeing strategy.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(散歩人、23 May 07

 

Ise City has a novel strategy for sightseeing which promotes barrier-free services in tourist spots, Japan style inns and Hotels in there.

 

添削

 

Ise City has a novel strategy for sightseeing tourism1 which promotes a barrier-free environment services in at tourist spots, Japanese- style inns and Hhotels in the city there.

 

コメント

 

1.       「伊勢市は観光(促進)のための新奇な戦略を持っている。それは 〜」という構文が適切ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Ise City has a novel strategy for tourism which promotes a barrier-free environment at tourist spots, Japanese- style inns and hotels in the city .

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、10 March 07

 

The City of Ise is promoting a barrier- free environment for sightseeing areas, inns and hotels as the core of the new sightseeing strategies for tourists.

 

添削

 

The City of Ise is promoting a barrier free environment1 for sightseeing areas, inns and hotels as the core of the new sightseeing strategies for tourists.

 

コメント

 

1.       a barrier-free environmentがわかりやすい表現ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

The City of Ise is promoting a barrier-free environment for sightseeing areas, inns and hotels as the core of the new sightseeing strategies for tourists.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 18 September 05

 

Ise city promotes barrier-free at sightseeing spots, lodges and hotels as a main issue of their new strategies for tourism.

 

添削

 

The City of Ise1 city promotes barrier-free access at to2 sightseeing spots, lodges and hotels as a main issue focus3 of their new strategies for tourism.

 

1.       「伊勢市当局」という意味にはThe City of IseのほうがIse Cityよりはっきりするでしょう。

 

2.       a main issueとすると、バリアフリーを重要項目として議論中だが、いろいろな意見がある、というような意味をもちます。バリアフリーはすでに決定済みで、これを観光振興の目玉にする、という意味にはa main focus, a main selling pointなどがよいでしょう。

 

3.       barrier-freefreeと同様に形容詞なので添削のようにbarrier-free accessとします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The City of Ise promotes barrier-free access to sightseeing spots, lodges and hotels as a main focus of their new strategies for tourism.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(tama, 8 December 04

 

Ise city is promoting to make sightseeing area, inns, and hotels be free on barriers as a core of their new strategy for activating sightseeing" Barrier free" means the environment that the aged and disabled people can act without inconvenience.

 

添削

 

The City of Ise1 city is promoting an idea2 to make sightseeing areas, inns, and hotels be free of on barriers as a the3 core of their new strategy for activating invigorating sightseeing tourism4. " Barrier free" means the environment that where the aged and disabled people can act move around easily5 without inconvenience.

コメント

 

1.       場所の名前としてはIse Cityと固有名詞になります。「伊勢市当局(市役所)」の時にはIse Cityでもよいですが、the City of Iseとするとはっきりします。

 

2.       I am promoting B.Bは目的語ですね。目的語は名詞、名詞句ですが、投稿の例では名詞句が長いので The City of Ise is promoting an idea to ~an idea a strategyとしたかったのですが、strategyはあとにでてくるのでan ideaにしました)を入れるとわかりやすくなります。

 

3.       core(芯)は一つしかないのでtheにします。

 

4.       invigorate tourismと難しい単語を使いましたが、もっと簡単にincrease touristsでもよいです。

 

5.       actを説明してmove around easilyとすると、もっとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The City of Ise is promoting an idea to make sightseeing areas, inns, and hotels free of  barriers as the core of their new strategy for invigorating tourism. " Barrier free" means the environment where the aged and disabled people can move around easily without inconvenience.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、24 August 04

 

In Ise City, the adoption of barrier-free environments is being promoted at tourist spots, Japanese style inns, and hotels as a new major strategy to attract more tourists to the city.

 

添削

 

In Ise The City of Ise is promoting1, the adoption of barrier-free environments is being promoted at tourist spots, Japanese- style inns, and hotels as a new major strategy to attract more tourists to the city.

 

コメント

 

1.       日本文では「伊勢市では」となっているので誰がこの政策の推進者かはっきりしませんが「伊勢市当局」the City of Iseを主語にすると文が簡単になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The City of Ise is promoting the adoption of barrier-free environment at tourist spots Japanese-style inns and hotels as a new major strategy to attract more tourists to the city.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(TAMA, 5 Sept 03

 

Ise City, Mie Prefecture has been promoting barrier-free environments including tourist spots, inns and hotels as the main target of its new tourism strategy.

 

添削

 

The City of Ise City1, Mie Prefecture, has been promoting a barrier-free environments2 for including tourist spots, inns and hotels as the a main target element of its new tourism strategy3.

 

コメント

 

Ise Cityでも良いのですが、このままだと伊勢市という地名の感じが強くなります。The City of Iseとすると伊勢市役所という感じになります。

 

「バリアフリーを推進する」をpromote a barrier-free environmentとしたのはとてもよいですね。英文では表現が具体的になるのでto promote barrier-free とは使いませんね。伊勢市は「観光地、旅館、ホテル」をバリアフリーの対称にしているようで、他の施設については何もいっていないので、a barrier-free environment including tourist spots…よりa barrier-free environment for tourist spots….が良いと思います。

 

観光戦略 (tourism strategy), 観光業界 (tourism industry), 冒険観光 (adventure tourism) などのようにtourismを観光の意味に使います。内容に適切な語句を見つけましたね。

 

添削後の文章

 

The City of Ise, Mie Prefecture, has been promoting a barrier-free environment for tourist spots, inns and hotels as a main element of its new tourism strategy.

 

                       

初級問題 79

 

長梅雨やその後の天候不順が、夏の商戦に異変を起こしている。広島市内の百貨店は、婦人服の夏物バーゲンセールが振るわず、早くも売り場は秋の装いになった。

 

読者からの投稿 13(文月、1 October 15

 

The lingering rainy season and subsequent unseasonable weather causes an unusual phenomenon in sales battles of summer. A department store in Hiroshima has quickly arranged autumn clothes at the floors because of a slump in a bargain sale women's summer clothes.

 

添削

 

The lingering rainy season and subsequent unseasonabley cool weather is causesing1 an unusual phenomenon in summer sales battles of clothing stores in Hiroshima City2 summer. A department store there in Hiroshima has already quickly arranged autumn clothes at the its floors because of a slump in a bargain sale of women's summer clothes.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       進行形のほうが臨場感が出ます。

 

2.       多分こういうことでしょう。具体的にすると内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The lingering rainy season and subsequent unseasonably cool weather is causing an unusual phenomenon in summer sales battles of clothing stores in Hiroshima City. A department store there has already arranged autumn clothes at its floors because of a slump in a bargain sale of women's summer clothes.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(Valley winds, 5 November 12

 

The too-long rainy season and following unstable weather have a bad influence on a summer sales battle. A department store in Hiroshima City already got for autumn because it could hardly sell women’s wear at a summer sale.

 

添削

 

The too-long rainy season and following unstable weather have a bad influence on a summer sales battle. A department store in Hiroshima City has already prepared got its women’s wear for autumn sales because it could hardly sell women’s wear at a its summer sales.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The long rainy season and following unstable weather have a bad influence on summer sales. A department store in Hiroshima City has already prepared its women’s wear for autumn sales because it could hardly sell women’s wear at its summer sales.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(OKEN, 16 June 12

 

Long rainy season and the following bad weather have brought about a significant change in this summer’s sales competition. In some department stores of Hiroshima City, clearance sales on summer clothes for ladies could not attract many customers. So, the stores have already changed their sales floor to sell autumn clothes.

 

添削

 

The Llong rainy season and the following bad weather have brought about a significant change in this year’s summer’s sales competition. In some department stores of Hiroshima City, clearance sales of on summer clothes for ladies could not attract many customers. So, the stores have already changed their sales floor for to sell autumn clothes.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The long rainy season and the following bad weather have brought about a significant change in this year’s summer sales. In some department stores of Hiroshima City, clearance sales of summer clothes for ladies could not attract many customers. So, the stores have already changed their sales floor for autumn clothes.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Tatsuo, 9 November 10

 

The long rainy season or the aftermath of unusual weather condition is causing somewhat of a strange circumstance in the business of summer sales. A department store in the city of Hiroshima failed a bargain sale of women’s summer clothes. So, the department store quickly changed merchandises into autumnal wears.    

 

添削

 

The long rainy season and its1 or the aftermath of the unusual weather condition is causing trouble2 somewhat of a strange circumstance in the business of summer sales. A department store in the cCity of Hiroshima did not do good3 in its failed a bargain sales of women’s summer clothes. So, the department store has quickly changed its merchandises into autumnal wears.    

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       Its aftermathとしたほうが時間の経過がはっkりします。

 

2.       日本文には「異変を起こしている」とありますが、日本語に特有な表現なので、内容をとってcausing troubleでよいでしょう。

 

3.       少しは売れたでしょうからdid not do goodぐらいでよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The long rainy season and its aftermath of the unusual weather condition is causing trouble  in the business of summer sales. A department store in the City of Hiroshima did not do good in its bargain sales of women’s summer clothes. So, the department store has quickly changed its merchandises into autumnal wears.    

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(mxtomi, 21 October 09

 

The prolonged rainy season coupled with ensuing bad weathers has been affecting this year’s summer sales campaign. Department stores in Hiroshima City who suffered stagnant sales for women’s summer dresses have already been displaying autumn dresses in their sales floors.

 

添削

 

The prolonged rainy season coupled with ensuing bad weathers has been affecting this year’s summer sales campaign. Department stores in Hiroshima City who suffered stagnant sales for women’s summer dresses have already been displaying autumn dresses in their sales floors.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。添削箇所はありません。Department stores in Hiroshima City who suffered stagnant sales for women’s summer dresses have already been displaying autumn dresses in their sales floors. の下線の部分の挿入がわかりやすく、効果的ですね。

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(kk, 13 Apr 08

 

The long rainy season and the following a climate instability have affected the summer bargain sales this year. The department stores in downtown Hiroshima have suffered poor sales for women's clothing and have already displayed autumn fashions on the floor.

 

添削

 

The long rainy season and the following a climate instability have has1 affected the 2summer bargain sales this year. The department stores in downtown Hiroshima have suffered poor sales for women's clothing and have already displayed autumn fashions on the floor.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       長梅雨やその後の天候不順を一つの組み合わせとして単数扱いすると、これらが複合原因となった、ということがはっきりするでしょう。

 

2.       いろいろな所でやっている不特定多数の夏物セールとします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The long rainy season and the following climate instability has affected summer bargain sales this year. The department stores in downtown Hiroshima have suffered poor sales for women's clothing and have already displayed autumn fashions on the floor.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 2 March 08

 

Because the rainy season was too long and the weather remained worse after that, the performance of stores were low in this summer selling season. A department store in Hiroshima City has already changed its sales floor into the autumn season because they failed their summer bargain sale of ladies' wears.

 

添削

 

Because the rainy season was too long and the weather has remained worse unstable after that the rainy season this year, the performance of stores summer sales have not performed1 well were low in this summer selling season. A department store in Hiroshima City has already changed its sales floor from summer sales into the autumn sales season because they it failed to do any good in its their summer bargain sales of ladies' wears.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       一般的に名詞より名詞の動詞形のほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Because the rainy season was too long and the weather has remained unstable after the rainy season this year, summer sales have not performed well. A department store in Hiroshima City has already changed its sales floor from summer sales into autumn sales  because it failed to do any good in its bargain sales of ladies' wears.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(散歩人、24 May 07

 

The rainy season and the bad weather after the season affects summer sales in department stores. The department stores in Hiroshima City failed to complete the summer sales for women's dresses and already began to sell the autumn items instead of the summer items.

 

添削

 

The long rainy season and cool summer1 the bad weather after the season has2 affectsed summer sales in at department stores. The department stores in Hiroshima City failed to complete the summer sales for women's dresses3 and have4 already begaun to sell the autumn items clothing instead of the summer items clothing.

 

コメント

 

1.       「天候不順」は文章から推察すると「冷夏」のことだとおもいます。the bad weatherとすると台風や大雨で客足が落ちたというように取れます。

 

2.       この文章が書かれた時点ですでに影響が出ているので現在完了形にします。

 

3.       「夏物バーゲンセールが振るわず」をfailed to complete the summer salesとしたのは面白い解釈ですね。

 

4.       「もう始まっている」ということを強調するために現在完了形にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The long rainy season and cool summer has affected summer sales at department stores. The department stores in Hiroshima City failed to complete the summer sales for women's dresses and have already begun to sell autumn clothing instead of summer clothing.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、10 March 07

 

The long rainy season and the following unstable weather is affecting summer sales. Department stores in Hiroshima City had bad sales in summer bargain for women's clothes. Clothes for autumn have been already displayed in a selling floor.

 

添削

 

The long rainy season and the following unstable weather is affecting summer sales. Department stores in Hiroshima City had bad sales in summer bargains1 for women's clothes. Clothes for the autumn season have been already displayed in a the selling floor.

 

コメント

 

1.       bargainsまたはbargain salesと複数で表現するのが一般的です。私は広島に一年住みましたが、衣服と日常品をいろいろと広島でそろえる必要がありました。現地の小売店事情を知らずに大きなデパートで買い揃え、日本の物価の高いことに眼を回しました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The long rainy season and the following unstable weather is affecting summer sales. Department stores in Hiroshima City had bad sales in summer bargains for women's clothes. Clothes for the autumn season have been already displayed in the selling floor.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 18 September 05

 

The long term rainy season and subsequent unseasonable weather are abnormally affecting on summer sales battle. At the department stores in Hiroshima city, summer sale for women outfits were not well and clothes for fall season have already been arranged.

 

添削

 

The long term rainy season and subsequent unseasonable bad weather are abnormally adversely affecting on summer sales battle. At the department stores in Hiroshima cCity, summer discount sales for women’s summer outfits were are1 not going well and clothes for the fall season have been already been arranged displayed.

 

夏物バーゲンセールのコーナーがある一方、婦人服売り場では秋物をすでに陳列してあるのでしょうから、ここは現在形でよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The long rainy season and subsequent bad weather are adversely affecting summer sales. At the department stores in Hiroshima City, discount sales for women’s summer outfits are not going well and clothes for the fall season have been already displayed.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、24 August 04

 

The prolonged rainy season followed by unstable weather conditions is causing something unusual to the summer selling season. At a department store in Hiroshima City, because of the sluggish sales of a summer sale of women's clothes, the sales floor for the summer clothes has already turned into the floor for autumn clothes.

 

添削

 

The prolonged rainy season followed by unstable weather conditions is causing something unusual to the summer selling season. For example1, Aat a department stores in Hiroshima City, because of the sluggish sales2 of a summer sale of women's summer clothes, have already turned the sales floor for the summer clothes has already turned into the floor for autumn clothes.

 

コメント

 

1.       夏物の売れ行きが悪かったのは婦人服のほかにもあったでしょうから、for exampleとすると、文のつながりがよくなります。冷夏は2003年のことですね。今年の夏は暑いですね。わたしは6月から8月まで東京に行って生ビールの売り上げに大分貢献してきました。

 

2.       Becauseの内容を主語にすると文が簡単になることがあります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The prolonged rainy season followed by unstable weather conditions is causing something unusual to the summer selling season. For example, at department stores in Hiroshima City, the sluggish sales of women's summer clothes have already turned the sales floor for the summer clothes into the floor for autumn clothes.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(NOMU, 27 June 04

 

The long rainy season and the following bad weather have adversely affected the summer selling season. At department stores in Hiroshima, bargain sales for women's summer clothes were so dull that they have already arranged the floors for autumn clothes.

添削

 

The long rainy season and the following bad unstable1 weather have adversely affected the summer selling sales season this year. At department stores in Hiroshima, bargain sales for women's summer clothes were so dull that2 they have already arranged the floors for autumn clothes.

 

コメント

 

1.       「その季節に典型的な天候ではなかった」という意味でunstable にしました。badは価値判断なので意味が曖昧になります。

 

2.       的確な表現ですね。なるほどとおもいました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The long rainy season and the following unstable weather have adversely affected summer sales  this year. At department stores in Hiroshima, bargain sales for women's summer clothes were so dull that they have already arranged the floors for autumn clothes.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(TOMOKO, 18 Sept 03

 

Besides a long rainy season, its subsequent unseasonable-weather has made summer sales battles unusual. A department store in the City of Hiroshima, which had sluggish bargain sales performance for summer ladies' wear, has already replaced summer wear with autumn one on the sales floor.

 

添削

 

Besides a The long rainy season, its subsequent unseasonable-weather and cool summer1 has made summer sales battles unusual unusually slow2. A dDepartment stores in the City of Hiroshima, which had sluggish bargain sales performance for ladies' summer ladies' wear, has have already replaced summer wear with autumn one wear on the sales floor3.

 

コメント

 

短いに日本文ですが常套句が多く、英語で表現するとなるとさてどうしようかと考えさせられますね。このような時はまず常套句の内容を簡単な日本語で言いなおしてから英文で表現するのがコツです。英文でも洒落た表現方法はありますが、まずはプレイン・イングリッシュで表現してみましょう。

 

1.       Besides the long rainy season, the cool summer has made…とすると「(いつもの)長梅雨は言うに及ばず、冷夏が〜」という感じになります。「(今年の)長い梅雨と冷夏が〜」というには単にThe long rainy season and cool summer has…でよいと思います。「天候不順」は内容を取ってcool summerと具体的にします。

 

2.       「バーゲンセールが振るわない」も内容からbargain sales were slowと表現できます。

 

3.       TOMOKOさんは「売り場は秋の装いになった」を内容からDepartment stores replaced summer wear with autumn wear (on the sales floor).と上手に表現しています。

 

添削後の文章

 

The long rainy season and cool summer has made summer sales unusually slow. Department stores in the City of Hiroshima, which had sluggish bargain sales for ladies' summer wear, have already replaced summer wear with autumn wear on the sales floor.

 

 

初級問題 80

 

欧州を襲っている熱波の影響で、イタリア国境に近いスイス南部で8月12日、同国史上最高の気温41.5度を記録した。

 

読者からの投稿 12(文月、26 August 15

 

Under the influence of heat wave in Europe, the temperature of 41.5 degree Celsius was recorded on the southern part of Switzerland near the border with Italy on August 12. This is the highest temperature on the record of this country.

 

添削

 

Under the influence of heat wave in Europe, the temperature of 41.5 degrees Celsius was recorded on in the southern part of Switzerland near the border with Italy on August 12. This is was the highest temperature on the record of this country.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Under the influence of heat wave in Europe, the temperature of 41.5 degrees Celsius was recorded in the southern part of Switzerland near the border with Italy on August 12. This was the highest temperature on the record of this country.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(Valley winds, 5 November 12

 

Caused by some heat waves striking Europe, the temperature recorded 41.5 degrees Celsius on August 12, the highest temperature in the history of this country, at southern Switzerland nearby the border of Italia.

 

添削

 

Caused by the some heat waves striking Europe, the temperature recorded 41.5 degrees Celsius in the southern Switzerland near the border with Italy1 on August 12, the highest temperature in the history of this country, at southern Switzerland nearby the border of Italia.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       41.5度?どこで?」と読者は思うので、ここに場所を入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Caused by the heat waves striking Europe, the temperature recorded 41.5 degrees Celsius in the southern Switzerland near the border with Italy on August 12, the highest temperature in the history of this country.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Tatuso, 9 Nov 10

 

In the influence of heat wave hitting Europe, the temperature hit 41.5 degree Celsius at southern Switzerland near the border between Italy. It was an all-time record in Italy.

 

添削

 

Under In the influence of the heat wave hitting Europe now, the temperature rose to hit 41.5 degrees Celsius in at southern Switzerland near the border with between Italy. It was an all-time record in Switzerland Italy.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、41.5度になったのはスイス南部ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Under the influence o the heat wave hitting Europe now, the temperature rose to  41.5 degrees Celsius in southern Switzerland near the border with Italy. It was an all-time record in Switzerland.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(mxtomi, 21 October 09

 

The heat wave prevailing Europe this summer caused the temperature in southern Switzerland, near the border with Italy, to shoot up to the record high 41.5 degree centigrade on August 12.

 

添削

 

The heat wave has been hitting prevailing Europe for a while. this summer caused t The temperature in southern Switzerland, near the border with Italy, to shoot shot up to the a record high of 41.5 degree centigrade Celsius on August 12.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、わからないところがあります。日本文では現在の状況のようです。

 

添削後の文章

 

The heat wave has been hitting Europe for a while. The temperature in southern Switzerland, near the border with Italy, shot up to a record high of 41.5 degree Celsius on August 12.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(kk, 13 Apr 08

 

The intensive heat wave has hit Europe and the influence caused high temperature. In the southern Switzerland near the border with Italy, the highest ever in the history 41.5 degree Celsius was marked on August 12.

 

添削

 

The An intensive heat wave has hit Europe and the influence caused high temperatures. In the southern Switzerland1 near the border with Italy, the highest ever temperature in the history, 41.5 degree Celsius, was marked on August 122.

 

コメント

 

添削後の文章

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       in the southern part of Switzerland, in southern Switzerlandと表現します。

 

2.       a record temperature of 45 degrees Celsius was marked on August 12とすると歴史上最高の温度となります。

 

添削後の文章

 

An intensive heat wave has hit Europe and caused high temperatures. In southern Switzerland near the border with Italy, the highest temperature in history, 41.5 degree Celsius, was marked on August 12.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 3 March 08

 

The temperature got 41.5 degrees centigrade on the southern part of Switzerland close to the border line with Italy on August 12. This is the highest record of the temperature in Switzerland and it is because of a heat wave hit in Europe this summer.

 

添削

 

The temperature got increased to 41.5 degrees cCelsius entigrade in on the southern part of Switzerland close to the border line with Italy on August 12. This is was the highest record of the temperature in Switzerland and it caused by is because of a the heat wave that hit in Europe this summer.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、it is was because of a the heat wave that hit in Europe this summerとしないと文になりません。

 

添削後の文章

 

The temperature increased to 41.5 degrees Celsius in the southern part of Switzerland close to the border with Italy on August 12. This was the highest record of the temperature in Switzerland and caused by the heat wave that hit Europe this summer.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(散歩人、24 May 07

 

The heat wave over the Europe affects the southern Switzerland near the border between Italy and Switzerland and raised temperature in the area to be 41.5 degrees, which was the highest record in her history.

 

添削

 

The heat wave over the Europe raised the temperature to 41.5 degree Celsius1 in affects the southern Switzerland near the border between Italy and Switzerland and raised temperature in the area to be 41.5 degrees,. This which was the highest record in Switzerland her history2.

 

コメント

 

1.       添削のように直接に温度のことを記述するとよいでしょう。

 

2.       the highest recordは「歴史上最高の記録」という意味があるのでin her historyは不要です。

 

添削後の文章

 

The heat wave over Europe raised the temperature to 41.5 degree Celsius in the southern Switzerland near the border between Italy and Switzerland. This was the highest record in Switzerland.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5〈岩ちゃん、10 March 07

 

Because of the influence of the heat wave that attacked Europe, the highest temperature of 41.5 degrees Celsius in Switzerland's history was recorded in the southern part of Switzerland near the border with Italy on August 12.

 

添削

 

Because of the influence of the heat wave that attacked Europe, the highest temperature of 41.5 degrees Celsius in Switzerland's history was recorded in the southern part of Switzerland near the border with Italy on August 12.

 

コメント

 

添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 18 September 05

 

Because of the warm storm affecting on European countries, the southern part of Switzerland, near the border with Italia recorded all-time national high of 41.5 degree.

 

添削

 

Because of the warm storm heat wave1 affecting on European countries, the southern part of Switzerland, near the border with Italia Italy, recorded the all-time national high of 41.5 degrees Celsius2.

 

コメント

 

1.       熱波はheat waveといいます。

 

2.       英語圏の国で(例:米国)まだ華氏温度を使っているところがあるので、ここでは念のために摂氏を入れておいたほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Because of the heat wave affecting European countries, the southern part of Switzerland, near the border with Italy, recorded the all-time national high of 41.5 degrees Celsius.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、27 August 04

 

The heat wave hitting Europe caused the temperature in southern Switzerland close to the Italian border to rise to 41.5 degrees centigrade, the highest ever recorded in the history of Switzerland, on August 12.

添削

 

On August 121, Tthe heat wave hitting Europe caused the temperature in southern Switzerland close to the Italian border to rise to 41.5 degrees centigrade Celsius, the highest ever recorded in the history of2 Switzerland, on August 12.

 

コメント

 

1.       日付に意味があるので、強調するために文頭のしました。

 

2.       省略できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

On August 12, the heat wave hitting Europe caused the temperature in southern Switzerland close to the Italian border to rise to 41.5 degrees Celsius, the highest ever recorded in Switzerland.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(NOMU, 27 June 04

 

Due to the heat wave attacking Europe, the temperature hit the record high of 41.5 degree in Southern Switzerland close to the border with Italia on August 12.

 

添削

 

Due toDuring the current heat wave attacking in Europe, the temperature hit the record high of 41.5 degree Celsius1 on August 12 in Ssouthern Switzerland close to the border with Italia on August 12.

 

米国は頑固にまだ華氏を使っているので、温度の表現には摂氏 (Celsius)、華氏 (Fahrenheit)をつけると混乱を避けることができます。

 

添削後の文章

 

During the current heat wave in Europe, the temperature hit the record high of 41.5 degree Celsius on August 12 in southern Switzerland close to the border with Italia.

 

読者からの投稿 1(TOMOKO, 2 Sept 03

 

The heat wave, which is hitting Europe, caused southern Switzerland near the border with Italy to record its highest ever temperature of 41.5 degrees Celsius on Aug. 12.

 

添削

 

The heat wave, which is has been hitting Europe, caused the temperature1 in the southern Switzerland near the border with Italy to record rise to its highest ever temperature level of 41.5 degrees Celsius on Aug. 12. August 12, 20032.

 

コメント

 

1.       TOMOKOさんは熱波を主語にして英文を簡略にしています。このような短い文でも主語の選択が大事ですね。The heat wave caused the temperature to rise..,のほうが気温が文章の最初のほうにくるので良いと思います。

 

2.       文章の中では日付は簡略表現を使わないほうが良いと思います。表や図、また文章の中で日付のついた箇条書きをする場合には簡略形を使うことができます。

 

例:

 

I will let you know my itinerary in Japan as follows:

 

02 Sept 03              Leave Edmonton for Narita

24 Sept 03              Arrive at Narita and stay in Tokyo

25 Sept 03              Leave Tokyo for Kyoto and stay in Kyoto

 

添削後の文章

 

The heat wave, which has been hitting Europe, caused the temperature in the southern Switzerland near the border with Italy to rise to its highest ever level of 41.5 degree Celsius on August 12, 2003.