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初級練習問題の添削 61−70

 

初級問題 61(13 Aug 03) (31 July 04) (9 Sept 05) (28 Sept 06) (6 March 07) (6 May 07)

(24 Nov 07) (3 Feb 08) (29 Mar 08) (5 Oct 09) (15 May 10) (1 Oct 12)

(24 Apr 14) (23 July 14)

             

初級問題 62(13 Aug 03) (31 July 04) (15 Nov 04) (9 Sept 05) (6 March 07) (6 May 07)

             (25 Nov 07) (7 Feb 08) (29 Mar 08) (6 Oct 09) (15 May 10) (3 Oct 12)

             (4 May 14) (23 July 14)

      

初級問題 63(13 Aug 03) (4 Aug 04) (9 Sept 05) (30 Sept 06) (6 March 07) (8 May 07)

(26 Nov 07) (8 Feb 08) (31 Mar 08) (6 Oct 09) (17 May 10) (3 Oct 12)

(23 July 14) (11 Aug 14)

 

初級問題 64(14 Aug 03) (4 Aug 04) (29 Nov 04) (10 Sept 05) (30 Sept 06) (25 Feb 07)

(6 March 07) (8 May 07) (26 Nov 07) (8 Feb 08) (31 Mar 08) (6 Oct 09)

(5 Apr 10) (24 May 10) (3 Oct 12) (16 June 14) (23 July 14)

 

初級問題 65(14 Aug 03) (6 Aug 04) (10 Sept 05) (6 March 07) (9 May 07) (27 Nov 07)

              (10 Feb 08) (6 Oct 09) (24 May 10) (15 June 12) (9 Oct 12) (26 July 14)

              (18 Oct 14)

 

初級問題 66(13 Aug 03) (9 July 04) (6 Aug 04) (10 Sept 05) (7 March 07) (9 May 07)

(29 Nov 07) (12 Feb 08) (7 Apr 08) (12 Oct 09) (8 July 10) (9 Oct 12)

(30 July 14) (8 Nov 14)

 

初級問題 67(14 Aug 03) ) (7 Aug 04) (10 Sept 05) (7 March 07) (16 May 07) (30 Nov 07)

        (12 Feb 08) (8 Apr 08) (10 Apr 08) (12 Oct 09) (8 July 10) (9 Oct 12)

              (8 Nov 14)

 

初級問題 68(16 Aug 03) (7 Aug 04) (10 Sept 05) (7 March 07) (16 May 07) (2 Dec 07)

              (20 Feb 08) (21 Mar 08) (10 Apr 08) (12 Oct 09) (16 July 10) (16 Oct 12)

              (15 Feb 15)

 

初級問題 69(16 Aug 03) (11 Aug 04) (11 Sept 05) (7 March 07) (17 May 07) (2 Dec 07)

              (20 Feb 08) (24 Mar 08) (10 Apr 08) (12 Oct 09) (16 July 10) (16 Oct 12)

              (16 March 15)

                                       

初級問題 70(19 Aug 03) (18 Aug 04) (11 Sept05) (7 March 07) (17 May 07)

(21 Feb 08)(10 Apr 08) (12 Apr 08) (12 Oct 09) (3 Aug 10) (22 Oct 12)

(5 April 15)

 

初級問題 61

 

学校の食事の時間はとても楽しみです。私は何からも縛られない自由な食事をしたいので、学校での食事は給食ではなく個人が自由に食材や量を選べる弁当が最も良いと思います。

 

読者から投稿 14(sasuke, 23 July 14

 

Lunch at school is very happy time. Since I want to have lunch with no restrictions, I think bento box that we can choose ingredients and decide the amount of it freely is the best.

 

添削

 

Lunch at school is very happy time for me. Since I want to have lunch with no restrictions, I think my own bento boxed lunch for which that I1 we can freely choose the ingredients and decide the amount of it freely is the best.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       文章全体の主語を「わたし」にしたほうが内容が具体的になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Lunch at school is very happy time for me. Since I want to have lunch with no restrictions, I think my own boxed lunch for which I can freely choose the ingredients and amount is the best.

 

読者からの投稿 13(文月、24 April 14

 

Lunchtime at school is great pleasure for me. I prefer homemade lunch to school meals, because I can eat whatever I like and as much as I want.

 

添削

 

Lunchtime at school is great pleasure for me. I prefer homemade lunch to school meals, because I can eat whatever I like and as much as I want.

 

コメント

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(Valley winds, 1 October 12

 

I look forward to lunch at school. Because I want to eat something free, unforced meal, I think that the best lunch at school is not a school lunch but a box lunch, which each people can select a kind of food and volume of a meal, at school.

 

添削

 

I look forward to lunch at school. Because I want to eat something I like, free, and unforced meal1, I think that the best lunch at school is not a school lunch but a box lunch, for which each people person can select a kind of food and volume of food a meal, at school.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてが推測できます。

 

1.       I want to eat something free and unforced (自由気ままなに食事をしたい)、またはI want to eat free and unforced meal.になります。ここでは「自分の好きなものをたべたい」ということですからI want to eat something I like.となります。I want to eat something I like, free and unforced.なら「自分の好きなものを、自由気ままに食べたい」となります。ここでfree and unforcedeat を修飾する副詞句になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

I look forward to lunch at school. Because I want to eat something I like, free and unforced,  the best lunch at school is not a school lunch but a box lunch, for which each person can select a kind and volume of food .

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(Tatsuo, 15 May 10

 

A lunch time at school is much pleasure for me. But I would like to eat lunch without any definition. So, I prefer a packed lunch to a school meal because I can choose a volume and material of my packed lunch myself.   

 

添削

 

I like lunchtime A lunch time at school is very much pleasure for me. But I want would like to eat lunch without any restriction definition. So, I prefer bringing my own a packed lunch to school to eating a school meals, because I can choose a volume and material ingredients of for my packed lunch myself.   

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、to eat lunch without any definitionがわかりません。

 

1.       「わたし」を主語にしたほうがわかりやすい文になります。

 

2.       What would you like to eat? I would like to eat sushi.というように丁寧な表現になります。ここでは直裁にI want to eat.でよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

I like lunchtime at school is very much. But I want to eat lunch without any restriction . So, I prefer bringing my own packed lunch to school to eating school meals, because I can choose a volume and ingredients for my packed lunch myself.   

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(mxtomi, 5 October 09

 

I love lunchtimes at school very much. Since I want my lunch free from any constraints, I like bag lunches which allow me to determine what and how much to eat, far better than ready-made school lunches.

 

添削

 

I love lunchtimes at school very much. Since I want my lunch free from any constraints, I like a bag lunches1 which allows me to decide determine what and how much I to eat., The bag lunch is far better than a ready-made school lunches.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       いろいろな内容のバッグランチを持っていくのでしょうが、複数ですと、複数のバッグランチを有ってその中らから選ぶ、という感じになります。単数形のほうが自然でしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

I love lunchtime at school very much. Since I want my lunch free from any constraints, I like a bag lunch which allows me to decide what and how much I eat. The bag lunch is far better than a ready-made school lunch.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(kk, 29 March 08

 

I love lunchtime at school. I'd like to eat what I want for a meal, so a brown bag lunch is preferable for a school lunch to school-provided lunch, I think. In that way, I can choose its ingredients and quantity for my lunch on my own.

 

添削

 

I love lunchtime at school. I'd like to eat what I want for a meal, so a brown bag lunch1 is preferable for to a school lunch to a school-provided lunch, I think. In that way, I can choose its the kinds and quantities of ingredients foods and quantity for my lunch by myself on my own.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       北米ではサンドウィッチ、果物、飲み物を茶色の紙袋にいれて昼食のために持っていく人が多いです。日本では弁当箱に入れた昼食 a boxed lunchが多いですか?

 

添削後の文章

 

I love lunchtime at school. I'd like to eat what I want, so a brown bag lunch is preferable to a school-provided lunch. In that way, I can choose the kinds and quantities of foods for my lunch by myself.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(dunkel, 3 February 08

 

I like my lunchtime at school. As for the lunch menu, I like lunch box better than school-provided lunch because I don't want my lunch menu to be decided by someone else. I think lunch box is more suitable because everyone can select the menu and the volume whatever he or she wants.

 

添削

 

I like my lunchtime at school. As for the lunch menu, I like my own lunch boxed lunch1 better than a school-provided lunch because I don't want my lunch menu to be decided by someone else2. I think lunch a boxed lunch is more suitable to school lunch3 because everyone can select the whatever menu and the volume whatever he or she wants.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       A lunch boxは弁当箱、a boxed-lunchは弁当箱(コンビニの弁当はプラスティックの容器ですが)です。

2.       I don't want my lunch menu to be decided by someone else. の表現が分かりやすくてよいですね。

3.       冠詞なしのschool lunchは学校給食の意味になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

I like lunchtime at school. As for the lunch menu, I like my own boxed lunch better than a school-provided lunch because I don't want my lunch menu to be decided by someone else. I think a boxed lunch is suitable to school lunch because everyone can select whatever menu and volume r he or she wants.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(マーチャン、24 November 07

 

I look forward to lunchtime at school. As I want to eat lunch without any restrictions, I do not like to eat school lunch. My opinion is that a lunch box that I bring from home is the best because I can freely select the ingredients and amounts for my lunch box.

 

添削

 

I look forward to lunchtime at school. As1 I want to eat lunch without any restrictions,. So I do not like to eat school lunch. My opinion is that a lunch box that I bring from home is the best because I can freely select the ingredients and amounts for my lunch box.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。わかりやすい文章ですね。

 

1.       Asを使うと因果関係ははっきりしますが、As I want to eat lunch without any restrictionsが従属節になるので意味が弱くなります。添削のように独立の文にして内容を強調するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

I look forward to lunchtime at school. I want to eat lunch without any restrictions. So I do not like to eat school lunch. My opinion is that a lunch box that I bring from home is the best because I can freely select the ingredients and amounts for my lunch box.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(散歩人、6 May 07

 

I like lunch time at school very much. I want to eat without restriction on anything or anyone, for example menu or amount of lunch. I think that not the school catering but a lunch box is best because, in the case of lunch box, everyone can select kinds of foodstuff and the lunch box size.

 

添削

 

I like lunch time at school very much. I want to eat school lunch freely without any restriction on anything or anyone1, for example, a kind of menu or an amount of lunch. I think that taking not the school catering but a boxed lunch to school is better than school catering of lunch2. box is best because, in the case of lunch box, eEveryone can select kinds and amounts of foodstuff for his boxed and the lunch box size.

 

コメント

 

1.       次に例が出てくるので、これは省略します。

 

2.       「最も良いと思います」とありますが、この日本文は給食と弁当の比較をしているので、添削のようにbetterにします。a lunch boxは弁当箱、a boxed lunchが弁当箱に入った弁当、です。添削では「学校に弁当を持っていくこと」としました。

 

添削後の文章

 

I like lunch time at school very much. I want to eat school lunch freely without any restriction on, for example, a kind of menu or an amount of lunch. I think that taking a boxed lunch to school is better than school catering of lunch. Everyone can select kinds and amounts of foodstuff for his boxed lunch.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、6 March 07

 

I look forward to lunchtime at school. As I want to eat lunch without any restrictions, I do not like to eat school lunch. My opinion is that lunch boxes are best because I can freely select the ingredients and the amount.

 

添削

 

I look forward to lunchtime at school. As I want to eat lunch without any restrictions, I do not like to eat school lunch. My opinion is that a lunch boxes that I bring from home1 are is the best because I can freely select the ingredients and the amounts2 for my lunch box.

 

コメント

 

1.       箱詰め弁当はコンベニ、弁当屋で買える時代なので、この補足説明を入れるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       それぞれのingredientの量を自分で決められるので、ここも複数形にしました。 ここのtheは前のthe ingredientstheがここまで続いているので省略できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

I look forward to lunchtime at school. As I want to eat lunch without any restrictions, I do not like to eat school lunch. My opinion is that a lunch box that I bring from home is the best because I can freely select the ingredients and amounts for my lunch box.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(tange, 28 September 06

 

Lunch at school is joyful time. I think that home lunch, which is you can choose what kinds of foods or how much you want to eat, is the best, not school lunch, because I would like to have a meal without any force from anything.

 

添削

 

Lunch at school is a joyful time for me. I think that a home-made lunch1, for which is you I can choose what kinds of foods or how much you I want to eat, is better than2 the best, not school lunch, because I would like to have my lunch a meal freely without being forced by any force from anything anybody3.

 

コメント

 

1.       lunchを昼食一般に使うときは、Shall we go for lunch?のように不加算名詞ですが、a home-made lunch家で用意した昼食(弁当)のようなときは可算名詞にします。

 

2.       best, bestは比較の形容詞なので、なにか較べるものが必要です。

 

3.       誰にも強制されたくない、とanybodyとしたほうがよいでしょう。私は戦後のまだ食糧難の時に小学生でしたから、学校給食は楽しみでした。学校給食といっても当時は、学校当局が手に入るものしかありませんでした。米国からの救援物資で脱脂粉乳、干しブドウ、チョコレートペースト、などありました。あるとき薄い四センチ四方のもので、なにか粉が焼いてあって少し塩味のついたものが出ました。口に入れると、パリパリと割れて溶けました。おいしかったですねえ。勿論、日本製はありませんでした。長いこと、あれは何だったのだろうと、記憶を頼りに探していました。カナダに来て、やっと見つけました。クラッカーです。

 

添削後の文章

 

Lunch at school is a joyful time for me. I think that a home-made lunch, for which I can choose what kinds of foods or how much I want to eat, is better than school lunch, because I would like to have my lunch freely without being forced by anybody.

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 9 September 05

 

I always look forward to school lunch time. As I would not like to be chained by anything about meal, lunch box is the best choice for me not school meal. Lunch box enable us to choose food stuffs and amount.

 

添削

 

I always look forward to lunchtime at school lunch time. As I would not like to be chained restricted to by any specific anything about kind of meal1, a lunch box , not school meals,2 is the best choice for me not school meal. A Llunch box can enable us me to choose the kind food stuffs and the amount that I like3.

 

コメント

 

1.       肯定文で、As I want to freely choose what I eat,とするとより直裁に表現できます。日本文の否定表現(縛られない)は肯定表現に言い直せないかと考えてみるのも英文表現のコツのひとつです。

 

2.       ここに入れるとa lunch boxとの関連がはっきりして効果的でしょう。

 

3.       このような補足説明が必要です。どのような場合に補足説明が必要かと判断するのは難しいですが、なるべく具体的に表現する、と心がけておくとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

I always look forward to lunchtime at school . As I would not like to be restricted to any specific  kind of meal, a lunch box , not school meals, is the best choice for me. A lunch box can enable me to choose the kind food and the amount that I like.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、31 July 04

 

The lunchtime at school is one of the most enjoyable occasions. I would like to eat free from any type of restriction, so I think the best thing is to bring our own lunch box instead of having the school lunch because we can freely decide what and how much we eat for a lunch box.

 

添削

 

The lunchtime at school is one of the most enjoyable occasions1. I would like to eat lunch2 free from any type of restriction., soSo, I think the best thing is to bring our own lunch box instead of having the school lunch because we can freely decide what and how much we eat for a lunch box.

 

コメント

 

1.       適切な表現ですね。The lunchtime at school is an enjoyable occasion.と較べると、「とても楽しい」の、とても、の気持ちが入っています。「あんなに悲しいことはなかった。」That was one of the saddest experiences I had ever had.のようによく使います。

 

2.       eat lunchと動詞+目的語の形のほうがわかりやすいです。

 

添削後の文章

 

The lunchtime at school is one of the most enjoyable occasions. I would like to eat lunch free from any type of restriction. So, I think the best thing is to bring our own lunch box instead of having the school lunch because we can freely decide what and how much we eat.

 

読者からの投稿 1(Keiko, 13 Aug 03

 

I love lunch time at school. I want to eat lunch freely without any restrictions. So, I think we should be able to bring our own lunch to school rather than the school provides all students with the same lunch. Then, we can choose what and how much we want to eat for lunch.

 

添削

 

I love lunch time lunchtime at school1. I want to eat lunch freely2 without any restrictions. So3, I think we should be able to bring our own lunch to school rather than instead of having4 the school provides all students with the same lunch. Then, we can choose what and how much we want to eat for lunch.

 

コメント

 

日本文は一つの文ですが、Keikoさんは上手に三つの英文に分けて表現しています。「学校での食事は給食ではなく個人が自由に食材や量を選べる弁当が最も良いと思います。」は内容を整理して次のように言い直しています。

 

「学校が皆に同じ昼食を提供するのではなくて、私たちが自分の昼食を学校にもって来るべきだと思う。」

「そうすれば私たちは昼食にどんなものをどれだけ食べたいか決めることができる。」

 

日本文では下線の部分のように長い修飾節を良く使います。修飾節は独立した文にすると英文で表現するのがやさしくなります。またKeikoさんのように「給食」のような名詞も文で説明すればやさしい構文で表現できます。

 

1.       「楽しみです」を I love ~と表現したのがよいですね。

 

2.       Without any restrictionsがあるのでfreelyはいりません。

 

3.       I think ~があるのでsoがなくても前の文とのつながりがあります。

 

4.       Instead of having ~としたほうが「学校の給食ではなくて」という感じがよくでます。

 

添削後の文章

 

I love lunchtime at school. I want to eat lunch without any restrictions. I think we should be able to bring our own lunch to school instead of having the school provide all students with the same lunch. Then, we can choose what and how much we want to eat for lunch.

 

初級問題 62

 

日本のある自転車メーカーは電動補助付き自転車に全地球測位システム(GPS)の端末を内蔵して、盗難にあった場合などに探せるモデルを2003年の8月中旬に発売すると発表した。

 

読者からの投稿 14(sasuke, 23 July 14

 

A bicycle manufacturer in Japan announced that a new model of electricassist bike, which has a GPS(global positioning system) terminal to search for it when it's stolen, will be launched the middle of August, 2003.

 

添削

 

A bicycle manufacturer in Japan announced that a new model of electrically assisted bicycle bike, with which has a GPS (global positioning system) terminal to search for it when it's stolen, will would be launched in the middle of August, 2003. The GPS terminal can indicate its location when the bicycle is stolen.

 

コメント

a GPS(global positioning system) terminal to search for it when it's stolenのところが分かり難いですが、文章の概略はわかります。

 

1.       ここを新しい文にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A bicycle manufacturer in Japan announced that a new model of electrically assisted bicycle  with a GPS (global positioning system) terminal would be launched in the middle of August, 2003. The GPS terminal can indicate its location when the bicycle is stolen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(文月、4 May 14

 

A Japanese bicycle manufacturer has announced that it will launch a new model of power assisted bicycle with Global Positioning System (GPS) terminal in the mid-August in 2003, which allows to be located in case of theft.

 

添削

 

A Japanese bicycle manufacturer has announced that it will launch a new model of power assisted bicycle with a Global Positioning System (GPS) device terminal in the mid-August in 2003, which will allows the bicycle to be located in case of theft.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A Japanese bicycle manufacturer has announced that it will launch a new model of power assisted bicycle with a Global Positioning System (GPS) device in the mid-August in 2003, which will allow the bicycle to be located in case of theft.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(Valley winds, 3 October 12

 

A bicycle manufacturer in Japan announced that the company will release a assistantly electric bicycle in the middle of august 2 or 3 that have a GPS terminal to search for it when it is stolen.

 

添削

 

A bicycle manufacturer in Japan announced that the company will release an assistantly electric motor-assisted bicycle with a GPS device1 in the middle of aAugust, 2 or 3 2003. that have a The GPS device can locate the bicycle terminal to search for it when it is stolen.

 

コメント

 

a assistantly electric bicycleがどんなものか想像する必要がありますが、文章の内容はわかります。

 

1.       「GPS端末付き電動補助自転車」が一番重要な情報ですから、このように表現して強調します。

 

添削後の文章

 

A bicycle manufacturer in Japan announced that the company will release an  electric-motor-assisted bicycle with a GPS device in the middle of August, 2003. The GPS device can locate the bicycle when it is stolen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(Tatsuo, 15 May 10

 

A bicycle manufacturer of Japan announced that they sell the bicycle with electrical support in the middle of August in 2003 which puts a Global Positioning System (GPS) to it. This model of the bicycle can show the place where one is now, so that it is easy to find the bicycle when it happens to be stolen the one.

 

添削

 

A bicycle manufacturer of in Japan announced that they were going to sell a the an electrical motor assisted bicycle with a Global Positioning System (GPS) device1 electrical support in the middle of August, in 2003 which puts a Global Positioning System (GPS) to it. This model of the bicycle can show its location the place where one is now, to its owner so that it is easy to find the bicycle when it happens to be stolen the one.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「自転車メーカーは電動補助付き自転車に全地球測位システム(GPS)の端末を内蔵」では電動補助付きよりGPSの端末を内蔵が大事なところです。投稿ではどちらが題字なのかはっきりしないので添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A bicycle manufacturer in Japan announced that they were going to sell a an electrical motor assisted bicycle with a Global Positioning System (GPS) device in the middle of August,  2003. This bicycle can show its location to its owner so that it is easy to find the bicycle when it happens to be stolen .

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(mxtomi, 6 October 09

 

A bicycle manufacturer in Japan announced that it would release a new model of the battery-assisted bicycles in the middle of August, 2003. The main selling point of the new model is a global positioning system terminal built in the bicycle to facilitate the search in case it was stolen.

 

添削

 

A bicycle manufacturer in Japan announced that it would release a new model of the battery-assisted bicycles in the middle of August, 2003. The main selling point of the new model is a global positioning system terminal built into the bicycle to locate the bicycle1 facilitate the search in case it is was stolen.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       このほうが直截な表現でしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A bicycle manufacturer in Japan announced that it would release a new model of the battery-assisted bicycles in the middle of August, 2003. The main selling point of the new model is a global positioning system terminal built into the bicycle to locate the bicycle in case it is stolen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(kk, 29 March 08

 

A Japanese bicycle manufacturer announced that it would release a new model of the battery-assisted bicycle built in a global positioning system (GPS) terminal in mid August, 2003. In case those bicycles are stolen, they are easily detected by GPS signal.

 

添削

 

A Japanese bicycle manufacturer announced that it would release a new model of the battery-assisted bicycle with a built -in a global positioning system (GPS) terminal in mid August, 2003. In case those bicycles are stolen, they are can be easily detected located by their GPS signal.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A Japanese bicycle manufacturer announced that it would release a new model of the battery-assisted bicycle with a built-in global positioning system (GPS) terminal in mid August, 2003. In case those bicycles are stolen, they can be easily located by their GPS signal.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(dunkel, 7 February 08

 

A Japanese bicycle manufacturer announced that they would begin to sell a new type of battery-assisted bicycle with GPS for preventing it from stealing on the midth of August in 2003.

 

添削

 

A Japanese bicycle manufacturer announced that they would begin to sell a new type of battery-assisted bicycle with GPS for preventing it from being stolen1 stealing on in mid-August the midth of August in, 2003.

 

コメント

(1)   は受動態にしますが、内容はわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A Japanese bicycle manufacturer announced that they would begin to sell a new type of battery-assisted bicycle with GPS for preventing it from being stolen in mid-August , 2003.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(マーチャン、 25 November 07

 

A certain bicycle maker in Japan announced that it would sell a new model of the electrically-assisted bicycle with a built-in GPS terminal in the middle of August in 2003. Even if someone steals this bicycle, we can easily find it as we can detect a signal from the GPS terminal.

 

添削

 

A certain bicycle maker in Japan announced that it would sell a new model of the electrically-assisted bicycle with a built-in GPS terminal in the middle of August in 2003. Even if someone steals this bicycle, we can easily find it as we can detect a signal from the GPS terminal.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 6(散歩人、6 May 07

 

A bicycle maker in Japan says that the maker installs the global positioning system (GPS) in a power assisted bicycle and that the maker sells the bicycle in the middle of August, 2003. The advantage of the installation of GPS enables customers to search for their bicycle in case of having the bicycle stolen.

 

添削

 

A bicycle maker in Japan says that the maker will installs a device for the global positioning system (GPS) in a power assisted bicycle and start that the maker sellsing2 the bicycle in the middle of August, 2003. The advantage of the installation3 of the GPS device enables customers to search for their bicycles in case of having the bicycle is4 stolen.

 

コメント

 

1.       全地球測位システム(GPS)はthe GPS systemで、このシステムを利用する端末はa device for the GPS systemになります。

 

2.       and (the maker will ) start selling ~と文をつなげると簡単になります。

 

3.       The advantage of the installation of the GPS device is to enable ~.かまたは添削のような文型になります。

 

4.       従属節の文型にしたほうが文章のほかの部分とのつりあいがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A bicycle maker in Japan says that the maker will install a device for the global positioning system (GPS) in a power assisted bicycle and start selling the bicycle in the middle of August, 2003. The installation of the GPS device enables customers to search for their bicycles in case the bicycle is stolen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、6 March 07

 

A certain bicycle maker in Japan announced that it would sell a new model of an electricity-assisted bicycles in the middle of August in 2003. Even if someone steal a bicycle, we can easily find it as a GPS terminal is built in it.

 

添削

 

A certain bicycle maker in Japan announced that it would sell a new model of an the1 electricity electrically-assisted bicycles with a built-in GPS terminal2 in the middle of August in 2003. Even if someone steals this a bicycle, we can easily find it as we can detect a signal from the a GPS terminal is built in it3.

 

コメント

 

1.       「電動補助付き自転車」という種類の自転車としてtheを付けます。

 

2.       GPS端末付き、というところが新しいので、ここに入れるのがよいでしょう。

 

3.       日本文にはありませんが、この補足説明を入れると内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A certain bicycle maker in Japan announced that it would sell a new model of the  electrically-assisted bicycle with a built-in GPS terminal in the middle of August in 2003. Even if someone steals this bicycle, we can easily find it as we can detect a signal from the  GPS terminal.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 9 September 05

 

A Japanese automobile maker announced to sell new model of car with auto support system at the middle of August, 2003. As the new car containers Global Positioning System (GPS), we can locate the place of it even if it were stolen.

 

添削

 

A Japanese automobile bicycle maker announced to start selling a new model of car with auto support system power-assisted bicycle at in the middle of August, 2003. As the new car bicycle is equipped with a containers Global Positioning System (GPS), we can locate the place of it the bicycle even when if it were is1 stolen.

 

コメント

 

電動補助付き自転車はけっこう盗難が多いので、when it is stolenがよいでしょう。盗難防止に駐車の時はバッテリーをはずして持っていく人もいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

A Japanese bicycle maker announced to start selling a new model of power-assisted bicycle  in the middle of August, 2003. As the new bicycle is equipped with a Global Positioning System (GPS), we can locate the bicycle even when it is stolen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(tama, 15 November 04

 

An bicycle manufacturer in Japan announced that a new model of an electric bicycle would be sold in the middle of August in 2003. This model has a profit to be found easily in case of having it stolen, because Global Positioning System(GPS) terminal is installed in it.

 

添削

 

An bicycle manufacturer in Japan announced that a new model of an electric bicycle1 would be sold in the middle of August in 2003. This model has a profit an advantage2 to be found easily in case of having it stolen, because a Global Positioning System(GPS) terminal is installed in it3.

 

コメント

 

1.       電動補助付き自転車は私も乗ったことがあります。電動モーターの補助で坂道を登るときなどは楽になりますね。英語ではなんと言う名前が定着しているのでしょうか。

 

2.       an advantage (over regular bicycles)は(他のものに較べて)良いところがある、という意味なのでこの場合は適当でしょう。

 

3.       内容の順序を入れ替えると簡単になります。This model has a GPS terminal and can be easily located when it is stolen. すこし簡単すぎると思われるでしょうが、日本文の内容の一番大切なところを一番やさしく英文で表現する、という訓練をすると、長い内容や複雑な内容も嫌がらずに英文で表現できるようになります。この簡単な文章を作成してから、もし必要があれば(因果関係をよりはっきりさせる、文と文のつなぎをスムースにする、など)推敲します。

 

添削後の文章

 

An bicycle manufacturer in Japan announced that a new model of an electric bicycle would be sold in the middle of August in 2003. This model has an advantage to be found easily in case of having it stolen because a Global Positioning System(GPS) terminal is installed in it.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、31 July 04

 

A Japanese bicycle maker announced that it would launch in the middle of August, 2003 a new model of a battery-assisted bicycle with a built-in unit of the Global Positioning System(GPS), which makes it possible to trace a bicycle when stolen.

 

添削

 

A Japanese bicycle maker announced that it would launch in the middle of August1, 2003 a new model of a battery-assisted bicycle with a built-in Global Positioning System device. unit of the Global Positioning System(GPS), which The device will2 makes it possible to trace a bicycle when it is stolen.

 

コメント

 

1.       文の途中に August, 2003のような月の記述が入り、コンマを入れると文が途切れたようになるときにはコンマ無しでAugust 2003とすると良いでしょう。

 

2.       文が長くなるので、ここから新しい文にすると良いでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A Japanese bicycle maker announced that it would launch in the middle of August 2003 a new model of a battery-assisted bicycle with a built-in Global Positioning System device. The device will make it possible to trace a bicycle when it is stolen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(オカヤ、13 Aug 03

 

A Japanese bicycle maker announced that it would start selling a new model of power-assisted bicycle with a global positioning system (GPS) device in mid-August, 2003, by which the owner can locate the bicycle in case the bicycle is stolen.

 

添削

 

A Japanese bicycle maker announced that it would start selling a new model of power-assisted bicycle with a global positioning system (GPS) device in mid-August, 2003, by which. By using this device1, the owner can locate where the bicycle is2 in case the bicycle it is stolen.

 

コメント

 

いろいろな情報が短い文に入っている日本文ですが、オカヤさんのように内容を整理して英文で表現すればやさしくなります。日本文の要点はは次のように整理できます。

 

「ある自転車メーカーが、2003年8月中旬に新しいモデルと発売する、と発表した。」

「このモデルは全地球測位システム(GPS)の端末を内蔵している。」

「自転車の持ち主はこの端末を利用して、自転車が盗難にあったときに、どこに自転車があるか場所を確認することができる。」

 

1.       文が長くなるので二つに分けたほうが良いと思います。投稿文ではby whichwhichが何を指すかわかりにくいです。新しい文をBy using this deviceとするとわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       少し内容を説明しました。

 

添削後の文章

 

A Japanese bicycle maker announced that it would start selling a new model of power-assisted bicycle with a global positioning system (GPS) device in mid-August, 2003. By using this device, the owner can locate where the bicycle is in case it is stolen.

 

初級問題 63

 

地震に備えて家具を壁に密着させ固定し、地震の時に転倒しないようにしましょう。また寝る場所やこども、お年寄りがいる場所には、できるだけ家具などは置かないようにしましょう。

 

読者からの投稿 14(文月、11 Aug 14

 

Secure furniture firmly to the wall to provide against earthquakes so that it won’t fall over. Make sure to place minimum of furniture in bedrooms or rooms for children or the elderly.

 

添削

 

Secure furniture firmly to the wall to provide protection against earthquakes so that it won’t fall over. Make sure to place the minimum number of furniture in bedrooms or rooms for children and or the elderly.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Secure furniture firmly to the wall to provide protection against earthquakes so that it won’t fall over. Make sure to place the minimum number of furniture in bedrooms or rooms for children and the elderly.

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(sasuke, 23 July 14

 

In preparation for earthquakes, fix your furniture against the walls for preventing to fall down. Don't place your furniture in the places for children and old people as well as bedrooms.

 

添削

 

In preparation for earthquakes, fix your furniture against the walls for preventing them from to falling down. Don't place your furniture in the rooms where places for you usually find your children and old people as well as bedrooms.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

In preparation for earthquakes, fix your furniture against the walls for preventing them from  falling down. Don't place your furniture in the rooms where you usually find your children and old people as well as bedrooms.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(Valley winds, 3 October 12

 

Fix furniture closely on the wall, in order to prevent to turnover by an earthquake.  Prevent to put furniture at the place, where you sleep and there are children and old people, if it is possible.

 

添削

 

Fix furniture closely tightly on the wall, in order to prevent them from toppling over to turnover by an earthquake.  Do not Prevent to put furniture in the room at the place, where you sleep and there are children and old people stay, as much as if it is possible.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Fix furniture tightly on the wall in order to prevent them from toppling over by an earthquake.  Do not put furniture in the room where you sleep and children and old people stay as much as is possible.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(Tatsuo, 17 May 10

 

For the precaution of earthquake, you shall fix furniture well and attach it on the wall. And then, you may as well avoid setting furniture in a bedroom and a room staying children and old people.

 

添削

 

For the precaution of earthquakes, you should 1shall fix furniture well firmly to2 and attach it on the wall. And then, you may as well avoid setting furniture in a bedroom and a room staying where children and old people are staying.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますがa bedroom and a room staying children and old people.

のところがわかりません。

 

1.       You shall come here tomorrow. You shall not enter here.などshall, shall notを命令形につかう形式がありますが、古風で現在では普通の文章には使われないようです。

 

2.       本棚、箪笥、飾り棚など、壁に沿って配置してある家具を壁に器具で固定する、というこのですから、fix furniture firmly to the wall  でよいでしょう。具体的に説明するとなると長い文章になってしまいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

For the precaution of earthquakes, you should fix furniture firmly to the wall. And then, you may as well avoid setting furniture in a bedroom and a room where children and old people are staying.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(mxtomi, 6 October 09

 

Here are some do’s and don’ts to better prepare for earthquakes. Bolt big pieces of furniture to the wall so that they do not turn over at the time of earthquake. By the same token, do not put furniture in the bedroom, or rooms for the kids or the elderly wherever possible.

 

添削

 

Here are some do’s and don’ts to better prepare for earthquakes. Bolt Fix1 big pieces of furniture firmly to the wall so that they do not turn fall down on you over at the time of by an earthquake. By the same token, avoid do not put placing furniture in the bedroom, or and rooms for the kids or the elderly people as much as wherever possible.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       固定の仕方はfix, brace, pin, clinch, nail, peg, tie upといろいろありますが、fixが広義な表現でしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Here are some do’s and don’ts to better prepare for earthquakes. Fix big pieces of furniture firmly to the wall so that they do not fall down on you by an earthquake. By the same token, avoid placing furniture in the bedroom and rooms for kids or elderly people as much as  possible.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(kk, 31 March 08

 

Let us be prepared for earthquakes. Fix furniture pressed against the wall so as not to fall down on you in case of earthquakes. Also, try to place furniture as little as possible in the bedrooms or where children and the elderly are staying.

 

添削

 

Let us be prepared for earthquakes. Fix furniture firmly pressed and fixed against the wall so that they do as not to fall down on you in case of earthquakes. Also, try to place as little furniture as little as possible in the bedrooms or and where children and the elderly are staying during the day1.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       昼間にこどもやお年寄りがいる場所、ということでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Let us be prepared for earthquakes. Fix furniture firmly pressed and fixed against the wall so that they do not to fall down on you in case of earthquakes. Also, try to place as little furniture as possible in the bedrooms and where children and the elderly are staying during the day.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(dunkel, 8 February 08

 

Please put the furniture in your house closely attached on the wall for preventing them from falling down to the floor in case of the earthquake. Also, please be careful not to put the furniture on the place where elderly people usually stay.

 

添削

 

Please put fix the furniture1 in your house closely attached on to the wall for preventing them from falling down to the floor in case of the earthquakes. Also, please be careful not to put place the furniture on in the place room2 where elderly people usually stay.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       家の中の家具一般を指しているので定冠詞は要りません。

 

2.       日本文には「お年寄りがいる場所」とありますが、ここで場所は部屋のことでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Please fix furniture in your house closely attached to the wall for preventing them from falling down to the floor in case of earthquakes. Also, please be careful not to place furniture in the room where elderly people usually stay.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(マーチャン、26 November 07

 

To prepare for earthquakes, we should fix furniture tightly on the wall so that it does not fall down on us. Also, we should avoid as much as possible placing furniture in bed rooms or in other rooms where children and the elderly spend most of their time.

 

添削

 

To prepare for earthquakes, we should fix furniture tightly on the wall so that it does not fall down on us. Also, we should avoid as much as possible placing furniture in bed rooms or in other rooms where children and the elderly spend most of their time.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 6(散歩人、8 May 07

 

You must fix the furnitures on the floor and prevent them from falling in case of an earthquake. Moreover you must not put the furnitures on your bedrooms and the places where children play or seniors exist as possible as you can.

 

添削

 

You must fix the furnitures firmly to on the wall1 floor and prevent them from falling down on you in case of an earthquake. Moreover, you must not put avoid placing2 the furnitures in on your bedrooms and the places where children play or seniors exist live as much possible as possible you can.

 

コメント

 

1.       furnitureは複合名詞なので複数形はありません。防災パンフレットを見ると、箪笥や本箱のような重たいものや、額縁などを壁に固定する、というのが大切なので、添削のようにしました。

 

2.       you must not put furniture in your bed rooms.とすると「家具は絶対に寝室に入れてはいけない」ということので、as much as possibleと合いませんから添削のようにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

You must fix furniture firmly to the wall and prevent them from falling down on you in case of an earthquake. Moreover, you must avoid placing furniture in your bedrooms and the places where children play or seniors live as much as possible .

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、6 March 07

 

To prepare for earthquakes, we should fix furniture tightly on the walls so that it does not fall on us. Also, we should avoid as much as possible placing furniture in bed rooms or in other rooms where children and the elderly spend many time.

 

添削

 

To prepare for earthquakes, we should fix furniture tightly on the walls1 so that it does not fall down2 on us. Also, we should avoid as much as possible placing furniture in bed rooms or in other rooms where children and the elderly spend many most of their time.

 

コメント

 

1.       いろいろな家具をそれぞれのある場所の壁に固定するわけですが、「壁に」という代表の意味でon the wallと単数にします。

 

2.       fallには「落ちる」と「倒れる」という意味があります。壁に掛けた額縁は「落ちる」でしょうが、ここでは箪笥や本箱など「倒れる」ものを主に言っているのでしょうから、fall down on usとして「倒れる」ことを強調しました。

 

添削後の文章

 

To prepare for earthquakes, we should fix furniture tightly on the wall so that it does not fall down on us. Also, we should avoid as much as possible placing furniture in bed rooms or in other rooms where children and the elderly spend most of their time.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(tange, 30 Sept 06

 

Fix furniture on the wall to prevent falling down on people during the earthquake. Put less furniture in rooms where kids and the elderly spend the most of the time. 

 

添削

 

Let us1 Ffix furniture on to the wall to prevent them from falling down on people during the an earthquake. Let us also Pput less2 furniture in the rooms where kids children and the elderly spend the most of the time. 

 

コメント

 

1.       命令形よりも、let us ~としたほうが、「〜しましょう」には合っているでしょう。

 

2.       「できるだけ家具などは置かない」を「少ない数の家具を置く」と言い直して、put less furnitureと表現したのがよいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Let us fix furniture to the wall to prevent them from falling down on people during an earthquake. Let us also put less furniture in the rooms where children and the elderly spend the most of the time. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 9 September 05

 

Let us fix furniture firmly to the wall so that they do not to fall down on people in case of earthquakes. Also do not place them in bedrooms or rooms for children and elderly persons.

 

添削

 

Let us1 furniture stick and fix furniture firmly to the walls so that they and do not to fall down on people2 in the case of earthquakes. Also do not to arrange place them besides in bedrooms and or rooms for children and elderly3 persons.

 

コメント

 

1.       標準的な表現法、let us do something. がよいでしょう。

 

2.       日本文では明らかにしてありませんが、「家具が人の上に倒れてこないように」ということなのでon peopleを補います。日本語を読むときは、当然とおもいますが、英文ではこのような隠れた意味をひとつひとつ明らかにして表現する必要があります。

 

3.       an elder personは(文中の誰かと比較して)年長の人、an elderly personan old personを敬語で表現したものです。an elder personan elderly personとは限りませんね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Let us fix furniture firmly to the wall so that they do not fall down on people in case of earthquakes. Also do not place them in bedrooms or rooms for children and elderly persons.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、4 August 04

 

Make sure that furniture be fixed tightly to the wall and not fall over in case of an earthquake.  Also, try as hard as possible not to put anything like furniture in bedrooms or places for children and the elderly.

 

添削

 

Please1 Mmake sure that furniture be fixed tightly to the wall and does not fall over on you in case of an earthquake. Also, try avoid2 as hard much as possible not to put placing anything large and heavy3 like furniture in bedrooms or places other rooms3 where for children and the elderly spend time3.

 

コメント

 

1.       日本文はどのような文脈で書かれたものがわかりませんが、地方自治体のパンフレットのような印象ですから、pleaseをいれて少し丁寧にすると良いでしょう。

 

2.       Avoidを使うと否定文が肯定文になります。一般的に肯定文のほうが意味が分かりやすくなります。

 

3.       日本文にははっきり言わなくても読者がわかる、という推定の内容が多く入っています。英文では少しくどいほどに明確にしたほうが良いです。

 

私の住むカナダ・アルバータ州には台風、地震はありません。しかし、2年に一度ほど人の住むところに竜巻がきます。また農作物に甚大な被害をだす旱魃、雹害があります。夏はものすごい夕立があります。ハイウェイを車で走っていて、前方が真っ黒な夕立雲にお覆われている時に夕立に走りこむと、ワイパーを最大にしても雨滴で前方が見えなくなり、横道に逃げ込んで夕立をやり過ごすことがあります。

 

 

添削後の文章

 

Please make sure that furniture be fixed tightly to the wall and does not fall on you in case of an earthquake. Also, avoid as much as possible placing anything large and heavy like furniture in bedrooms or other rooms where children and the elderly spend time.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Yamada, 13 Aug 03

 

To prepare for an earthquake, let us firmly fix large furniture to the wall to prevent it from falling onto people. Moreover, let us avoid placing large furniture in the bedroom or a room where young children or seniors spend the day.

 

添削

 

To prepare for an earthquake, let us we can1 firmly fix large furniture to the wall to prevent it from falling onto people2. Moreover, let us we should avoid placing large furniture in the bedroom or a room where young children or seniors spend the day3.

 

コメント

 

1.       「〜しましょう」という呼びかけの文ですが、文章が短く背景が書いてないので、let us ~とすると文章が不完全なような印象になります。We can, we shouldとして文章が完結しているようにしました。

 

2.       「地震に備えて家具を壁に密着させ固定し、地震の時に転倒しないようにしましょう。」の要点は「地震に備えて家具を壁に密着させ固定する。」ですからYamadaさんのように英文ではここのところが主節になります。「地震の時に転倒しない」は従属句、節で付け加えます。Yamadaさんの投稿のようにするか、so that it will not fall onto people.などと表現できます。日本文の内容を英文で表現するときには常に何が文の要点であるか考え、この要点を英文の主節で表現するようにします。

 

3.       「お年寄りがいる場所には」をYamadaさんは a room where young children or seniors spend the dayと説明しています。日本文の文脈では読者にわかる内容でも、英文では内容を説明する必要があります。A place where children and seniors are.と直訳風に表現しては内容の説明が不十分だと思います。

 

添削後の文章

 

To prepare for an earthquake, we can firmly fix large furniture to the wall to prevent it from falling onto people. Moreover, we should avoid placing large furniture in the bedroom or a room where young children or seniors spend the day.

 

 

初級問題 64

 

生活習慣病は食事、運動、休養、喫煙、飲酒などのライフスタイルが病気の発症、進行に関係している病気を総称します。

 

読者からの投稿 17(sasuke, 23 July 14

 

Sick whose occurring and progress are related to lifestyle such as diet, exercise, rest, smoking and drinking are called lifestyle related diseases generally.

 

添削

 

An illness caused by or whose Sick whose occurring and progress is are related to lifestyle such as diet, exercise, resting, smoking and drinking are called a lifestyle related diseases generally.

 

コメント

 

Sickは形容詞ですが、内容の概略はわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

An illness caused by or whose progress is related to lifestyle such as diet, exercise, resting, smoking and drinking are called a lifestyle related disease.

 

 

読者からの投稿 16(文月、16 June 14

 

Lifestyle diseases are general term for diseases which develop or progress associated with lifestyle including diet, exercise, rest, smoking, and drinking.

 

添削

 

Lifestyle diseases are a general term for diseases which develop from or progress associated with lifestyle including diet, exercise, rest, smoking, and drinking.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Lifestyle diseases are a general term for diseases which develop from or progress with lifestyle including diet, exercise, rest, smoking, and drinking.

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(Valley winds, 3 October 12

 

A life-style related disease is a collective name of some diseases that are related to getting sick and worsening by some life-style such as food, exercise, rest, smoking and drinking.

 

添削

 

A lLife-style related disease1 is a collective name of some diseases that take place or get worse are related to getting sick and worsening by some life-styles such as easting2 food, exerciseing, resting, smoking and drinking.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       この病気の総称ですから冠詞はいりません。

 

2.       食事をすること(不適当な食事をすること)、exercising (運動をしないこと)のようにして smoking, drinkingの形と同じにします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Life-style related disease is a collective name of diseases that take place or get worse by some life-styles such as easting, exercising, resting, smoking and drinking.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 14(Tatsuo, 24 May 10

 

The life-style related diseases is a general term that our lifestyle, such as meal, exercise, rest, smoking and drinking, related to the progress or symptom of the disease.   

 

添削

 

The life-style related diseases is a general term for the disease whose development and progress is related to that our lifestyle, such as meal, exercise, rest, smoking and drinking, related to the progress or symptom of the disease.   

 

コメント

 

英文の内容に構文上の問題があり、内容がわかりません。添削のように関係代名詞の所有格を使います。難しい文法用語ですが、内容は難しくありません。

 

添削後の文章

 

The life-style related disease is a general term for the disease whose development and progress is related to  our lifestyle, such as meal, exercise, rest, smoking and drinking.   

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(あすか、5 April 10

 

Diseases are caused by people's bad habits such as poor diets, lack of exercises, resting, smoking and alcohol drinking are called lifestyle-related diseases.

 

添削

 

Diseases that are caused by people's bad habits such as poor diets, lack of exercises, and1 resting, smoking and alcohol drinking are called lifestyle-related diseases.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       休養自体ではなくて、休養の欠如が成人病の原因なのでしょう。退職後、仕事の張りが無くなって病気になった、と言う話も耳にはしますが。

 

添削後の文章

 

Diseases that are caused by people's bad habits such as poor diets, lack of exercises and resting, smoking and alcohol drinking are called lifestyle-related diseases.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(mxtomi, 6 October 09

 

The term “life-style related disease” is used as generic name for those illnesses, onset and progression of which is linked to people’s life-styles such as diet, exercise, resting, smoking and drinking.

 

添削

 

The term “life-style related disease” is used as a generic name for those illnesses, whose1 onset and progression of which is linked to people’s life-styles such as diet, exercise, resting, smoking and drinking.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       whoseとしたほうが、those illnessonset and progressionが分かれるのでよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The term “life-style related disease” is used as a generic name for those illnesses, whose onset and progression is linked to people’s life-styles such as diet, exercise, resting, smoking and drinking.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(kk, 31 March 08

 

Life-style related disease is a generic term for various diseases which are caused and developed by the factors related to life-style such as diet, physical activity, resting, smoking, and drinking.

 

添削

 

Life-style related disease is a generic term for various diseases which are caused and developed by the factors related to a life-style such as diet, physical activity, resting, smoking, and drinking.

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Life-style related disease is a generic term for various diseases which are caused and developed by the factors related to a life-style such as diet, physical activity, resting, smoking, and drinking.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(dunkel, 9 February 08

 

Lifestyle disease means that daily bad habits of a person in case of eating, exercising, relaxing or drinking alcohol let them become sick or get worse their illness.

 

添削

 

Lifestyle disease means implies1 that daily bad habits of a person in case of in eating, exercising, relaxing or and drinking lead a person to a certain type of alcohol let them become sick or get worse their illness.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、添削のようにすると文がすっきりします。

 

1.       Lifestyle disease means those diseases that are caused by ~のようにA means B.ABが等価になります。投稿では等価になっていないでので、A implies B.BAの説明になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Lifestyle disease implies that bad habits in eating, exercising, relaxing and drinking lead a person to a certain type of illness.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(マーチャン、26 November 07

 

Lifestyle-related disease is a generic name given to illnesses of which the development and progression is related to lifestyles such as diet, exercise, resting, smoking and drinking.

 

添削

 

Lifestyle-related disease is a generic name given to illnesses of which the development and progression is related to lifestyles such as diet, exercise, resting, smoking and drinking.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。「休養、喫煙、飲酒」をこういうことをする事ですから、resting, smoking and drinkingですね。添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 8(散歩人、8 May 07

 

The lifestyle disease is known generically as the diseases which are related to the lifestyle - eating, exercise, rest, smoking, drinking and so on - in the appearance and progress of it.

 

添削

 

The lLifestyle disease generally means is known generically as the diseases which are related to the lifestyles such as - eating, exerciseing, resting, smoking, drinking and so on1. - in the Their appearances and progresses are closely linked to those lifestyles of it.

 

1.       「総称します」と「進行に関係しています」は表現する動詞が異なるので二つの文にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Lifestyle disease generally means the diseases which are related to lifestyles such as eating, exercising, resting, smoking, drinking and so on. Their appearances and progresses are closely linked to those lifestyles.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(岩ちゃん、6 March 07

 

Lifestyle-related diseases were generically named to illnesses that are concerned with the development and progression by lifestyle such as diet, exercise, resting, smoking and drinking.

 

添削

 

Lifestyle-related diseases is were a generically name given named1 to illnesses of which2 that are concerned  with the development and progression is related to by lifestyles such as diet, exercise, resting, smoking and drinking.

 

コメント

 

1.       The new asteroid is named as “Matsuyama 121.”というようにbe namedを使います。A category of diseases related to lifestyles is generically named as lifestyle-related disease. となります。添削のように表現するほうがはっきりするでしょう。

 

2.       「病気の発症、進行に関係している病気」の表現が難しいですね。添削では「その(病気の)発症、進行がライフスタイルに関係して病気を」としました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Lifestyle-related disease is a generic name given to illnesses of which the development and progression is related to lifestyles such as diet, exercise, resting, smoking and drinking.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(HANASAKI, 25 February 07

 

Lifestyle-related diseases is a general term for several diseases of which development and progression are related to lifestyle such as diet, exercise, relaxation, smoking and drinking.

 

添削

 

Lifestyle-related diseases1 is a general term for several diseases of which the development and progression are related to lifestyles such as diet, exercise, relaxation, smoking and drinking.

 

1.       diseaseheart diseaseのように病名として冠詞無しで使う場合と、一つ一つの病気としてa diseaseと可算名詞になる場合があります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Lifestyle-related disease is a general term for several diseases of which the development and progression are related to lifestyles such as diet, exercise, relaxation, smoking and drinking.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(tange, 30 September 06

 

So-called ‘lifestyle-related diseases’ is a name of diseases which is related to lifestyle such as diet, exercise, rest, smoking and drinking alcohol generically.

 

添削

 

So-called ‘lifestyle-related diseases’ is a general1 name of for the diseases which is are caused2 by related to lifestyles such as diet, exercise, resting, smoking and drinking alcohol generically.

 

コメント

 

1.       ‘lifestyle-related diseases’と複数形なので、a general name for the diseases ~としました。

 

2.       are related toだけでは「関係している」と意味が曖昧なので、are caused by ~とはっきりさせました。

 

添削後の文章

 

So-called ‘lifestyle-related diseases’ is a general name for the diseases which are caused by lifestyles such as diet, exercise, resting, smoking and drinking alcohol.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 10 September 05

 

We call it as a lifestyle-related illness which is caused or stimulated by lifestyle like foods, exercise, rest, smoking and drinking.

 

添削

 

We generally call it this type of disease as a lifestyle-related illness disease”1 which because it is caused or stimulated by lifestyles like such as diet2 foods, exercise, resting3, smoking and drinking.

 

コメント

 

1.       I call my cat yuki because she is a white cat.という構文になります。投稿では仮の目的語itが何を指すのかはっきりしません。

 

2.       diet(食習慣)がよいでしょう。

 

3.       「休養」と日本文にありますが、「仕事の合間や週末に充分な休養をとること」ということでしょうからresting〈休養をとること〉がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

We generally call  this type of disease “lifestyle-related disease” because it is caused or stimulated by lifestyles such as diet exercise, resting, smoking and drinking.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3 (tama, 29 Nov 04)

 

Lifestyle related disease means all disease having relation with lifestyle, for example, eating, exercising, taking a rest, smoking and drinking. And the lifestyle relates development and advance of disease

 

添削

 

Lifestyle- related disease1 means all diseases having relationships with a lifestyle, for example, eating, exercising, taking a rest, smoking and drinking. And the A specific2 lifestyle can be relateds with the development and advancement3 of lifestyle-related4 disease

 

コメント

 

1.       diseaseheart disease, mental disease のように冠詞無しで特定の病気を指す場合と、His life has been just a succession of diseases one after another.のように加算名詞として冠詞をつけたり複数になったりする場合とふたつあります。

 

2.       「ある種の生活習慣(悪習慣)」とするとわかりやすくなります。

 

3.       development, advancementと形をそろえると良いでしょう。

 

4.       短い文章ですが、もういちどlifestyle-related diseaseと繰り返すと内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Lifestyle-related disease means all diseases having relationships with a lifestyle, for example, eating, exercising, taking a rest, smoking and drinking. A specific lifestyle can be related with the development and advancement of lifestyle-related disease

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、4 August 04

 

Lifestyle-related diseases mean all diseases which have something to do with lifestyles such as diet, exercise, rest, smoking and drinking in terms of causes and developments of diseases.

 

添削

 

Lifestyle-related diseases mean include1 all diseases which have something to do with lifestyles such as diet, exercise, rest, smoking and drinking in terms of causes and developments of diseases.

 

1.       「〜とはーである。」という定義や説明の文は実務文でよく使います。「Aは(Cという特徴をもつ)Bである。」という形式で、先ずBという大まかなもので定義し、その特徴をCで記述します。Isにあたる動詞は定義するものにより、be 動詞、mean, include, implyなどを使います。上の例では「総称します」とあるのでA includes all B that are~.という形式がよいとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Lifestyle-related diseases include all diseases which have something to do with lifestyles such as diet, exercise, rest, smoking and drinking in terms of causes and developments of diseases.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Emy, 14 Aug 03

 

The lifestyle-related disease is a general term referring to all diseases that are caused or accelerated by such lifestyles as eating habits, lack of exercises and relaxation, smoking, and drinking.

 

添削

 

The lifestyle “Lifestyle-related disease is a general term referring to all diseases that are caused or accelerated by such lifestyles as eating habits, lack of exercises and relaxation, smoking, and drinking.

 

コメント

 

練習問題は「〜とは 〜である」というもの、事柄を定義する文です。英文で定義の表現には次のような形式を使います。

 

例:

ハチドリは激しく羽ばたきながら空中に留まって花の蜜を吸うことのできる小さい鳥です。

The humming bird is a tiny bird that can hover in the air while sucking nectar from a flower.

 

義理とは日本人の価値観に深く根ざした個人的、社会的義務の観念である。

“Giri” is a sense of personal and social obligation that has a deep root in the value system of the Japanese.

 

A is B that ~. という形で、まずBで一般的に説明し、次にthat節で詳しく説明します。Emyさんの投稿もこのような形式を使っています。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Lifestyle-related disease” is a general term referring to all diseases that are caused or accelerated by such lifestyles as eating habits, lack of exercise and relaxation, smoking, and drinking.

 

 

初級問題 65

 

2003年5月26日は午後六時二十四分に東北地方に地震が起きました。大船渡市では震度6弱という大きなゆれがありました。その十二分後の六時三十六分に、盛岡地方気象台が「大船渡には津波の心配はありません」と発表しました。実際、津波は来ませんでしたが、もし津波が発生していたら、大船渡には地震後、五分後には最初の波が来ていただろうと考えられます。

 

読者からの投稿 9(文月、18 October 14

 

An earthquake occurred in Tohoku Area in Japan at 6:24 p.m. on May 26 in 2003. In Ofunato City, the seismic intensity was measured weak six of Japanese seismic scale, which indicates a moderately severe earthquake. At 6:36, twelve minutes after the earthquake, Morioka Local Meteorological Observatory announced that there was no cause for worry about a tsunami in Ofunato City. As a matter of fact, no tsunami came. If a tsunami had arisen, the first wave would have arrived at Ofunato five minutes after the earthquake.

 

添削

 

An earthquake occurred in the Tohoku Aarea in Japan at 6:24 p.m. on May 26 in 2003. In Ofunato City, the seismic intensity was measured weak six on the of Japanese seismic scale, which indicateds1 a moderately severe earthquake. At 6:36, twelve minutes after the earthquake, the Morioka Local Meteorological Observatory announced that there was no cause for worry about a tsunami in Ofunato City. As a matter of fact, no tsunami came. But If a tsunami had arisen, the first wave would have arrived at Ofunato in five minutes after the earthquake.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。わかりやすく整理されています。

 

1.       Was measuredの過去形に合わせて過去形にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

An earthquake occurred in the Tohoku area in Japan at 6:24 p.m. on May 26 in 2003. In Ofunato City, the seismic intensity was measured weak six on the Japanese seismic scale, which indicated a moderately severe earthquake. At 6:36, twelve minutes after the earthquake, the Morioka Local Meteorological Observatory announced that there was no cause for worry about a tsunami in Ofunato City. As a matter of fact, no tsunami came. But If a tsunami had arisen, the first wave would have arrived at Ofunato in five minutes after the earthquake.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(sasuke, 26 July 14

 

On May 26, 2003, an earthquake happened at 6:24 pm in Tohoku district of Japan. At that time, Ofunato-shi suffered a lower 6 quake on the Japanese earthquake scale. At 6:36 pm, after 12 minutes of the shock, Morioka Local Meteorological Observatory announced that there was no threat of a tsunami toward Ofunato. Fortunately, tsunami wasn't generated, but if it was generated, the first wave of the tsunami would have arrived at Ofunato after 5 minutes of the earthquake.

 

添削

 

On May 26, 2003, an earthquake happened at 6:24 pm in the Tohoku district of Japan. At that time, Ofunato-shi City suffered received a lower 6 quake on the Japanese earthquake scale. At 6:36 pm, after 12 minutes after of the shock, the Morioka Local Meteorological Observatory announced that there was no threat of a tsunami in toward Ofunato. Fortunately, a tsunami wasn't generated, bBut if it was generated, the first wave of the tsunami would have arrived at Ofunato after just 5 minutes after of the earthquake.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On May 26, 2003, an earthquake happened at 6:24 pm in the Tohoku district of Japan. At that time, Ofunato City received a lower 6 quake on the Japanese earthquake scale. At 6:36 pm, 12 minutes after the shock, the Morioka Local Meteorological Observatory announced that there was no threat of a tsunami in Ofunato. Fortunately, a tsunami wasn't generated But if it was generated, the first wave of the tsunami would have arrived at Ofunato just 5 minutes after the earthquake.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(Valley view, 9 October 1

 

There was an earthquake in Tohoku region at 6:44 PM on May 26, 2003. In Ofunato City, there was a large swing, whose seismic intensity was a little less than 6. The Morioka Local Meteorological Observatory announced,” Don’t worry about tsunami in Ofunato City”at 6:36 twelve minutes later. In fact, tsunami didn’t come. If tsunami was formed, the first wave could come to Ofunato City five minutes later after the earthquake had happened.

 

添削

 

There was an earthquake in the Tohoku region at 6:424 PM on May 26, 2003. In Ofunato City, there were was a large swings, whose seismic intensity were was a little less than 6. The Morioka Local Meteorological Observatory announced,” Don’t worry about a tsunami in Ofunato City” at 6:36 PM, twelve minutes after the earthquake later. In fact, a tsunami didn’t come. But If a tsunami had was formed, its the first wave could have come to Ofunato City  in five minutes later after the earthquake had happened.

 

コメント

 

地震の起こった時間に間違いがあるので、文章全体の意味が通じません。

 

添削後の文章

 

There was an earthquake in the Tohoku region at 6:24 PM on May 26, 2003. In Ofunato City, there were large swings, whose seismic intensity were a little less than 6. The Morioka Local Meteorological Observatory announced,” Don’t worry about a tsunami in Ofunato City” at 6:36 PM, twelve minutes after the earthquake. In fact, a tsunami didn’t come. But If a tsunami had formed, its first wave could have come to Ofunato City in five minutes after the earthquake happened.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(OKEN, 15 June 12

 

At 6:24 p.m. on May 26 2003, the earthquake hit Tohoku District. There was a big jolting with intensity 6 lower in Oohunato city. At 6:36, twelve minutes after that, Morioka Local Meteorological Observatory announced “There is little danger of tsunami in Oohunato city.”, and, actually, it did not hit the city. However, if it occurred, the first wave would attack the city five minutes after the earthquake.

 

添削

 

At 6:24 p.m. on May 26, 2003, the an earthquake hit the Tohoku Ddistrict. There was a big jolting with the intensity of 6 lower six in Oohunato cCity. At 6:36 p.m. , twelve minutes after that the earthquake, the Morioka Local Meteorological Observatory announced, “There is little danger of tsunami in Oohunato cCity.”, and, actually, no tsunami it did not hit the city. However, if a tsunami had1 it occurred, the first wave would have attacked the city in five minutes after the earthquake.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「過去に実際は起こらなかったが、もしおこっていたら、こうなっていただろう。」という仮定法の文法です。

 

添削後の文章

 

At 6:24 p.m. on May 26, 2003, an earthquake hit the Tohoku district. There was a big jolting with the intensity of lower six in Oohunato City. At 6:36 p.m. , twelve minutes after the earthquake, the Morioka Local Meteorological Observatory announced, “There is little danger of tsunami in Oohunato City.”, and, actually, no tsunami hit the city. However, if a tsunami had occurred, the first wave would have attacked the city in five minutes after the earthquake.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Tatsuo, 24 May 10

 

The earthquake hit Tohoku region in Japan on May 26,2003 at 6:24pm. Specially, in Ohunato City, there was a big quake that recorded below magnitude 6. After the twelve minutes of the earthquake, it was at 6:36pm, the Morioka regional meteorological observatory announced that it will not come tunami to Ohunato City. Eventually, tunami had not come there. However, we can guess if tunami occurred, the first wave could have reached Ohunato City after five minutes.

 

添削

 

The An earthquake hit the Tohoku region in Japan on May 26,2003 at 6:24 pm on May 26, 20031. Specially, iIn Ohunato City, there was a big quake that recorded the intensity of six minus below magnitude 6. After the twelve minutes of the earthquake, it was aAt 6:36 pm, twelve minutes after the earthquake, the Morioka regional meteorological observatory announced that it a tsunami will not come tunami to Ohunato City. Actually Eventually, no tunami had not come came there there. However, we can guess if a tunami had occurred, the its first wave could have reached Ohunato City in after only five minutes after the earthquake.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、 わかり難いところがあります。

 

1.       時間と日付の順序はこのようになります。

 

2.       震度とマグニチュードは異なる概念です。

 

添削後の文章

 

An earthquake hit the Tohoku region in Japan at 6:24 pm on May 26, 2003. In Ohunato City, there was a big quake that recorded the intensity of six minus. At 6:36 pm, twelve minutes after the earthquake, the Morioka regional meteorological observatory announced that a tsunami will not come to Ohunato City. Actually, no tunami came there. However, if a tunami had occurred, its first wave could have reached Ohunato City in only five minutes after the earthquake.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 6 October 09

 

An earthquake hit the Tohoku district at 6:24 p.m. of May 26th, 2003. A big tremor of intensity 6-minus was observed at the city of Ofunato. At 6:36, 12 minutes after that, Morioka Local Meteorological Observatory announced that there would be no threat of Tsunami coming to Ofunato and in fact it did not come. But if Tsunami had been caused, it could have arrived there just 5 minutes after the earthquake.

 

添削

 

An earthquake hit the Tohoku district at 6:24 p.m. of May 26th, 2003. A big tremor of intensity 6-minus was observed at the Ccity of Ofunato. At 6:36 p.m., 12 minutes after that the earthquake, the Morioka Local Meteorological Observatory announced that there would be no threat of Tsunami coming to Ofunato. aAnd in fact it did not come. But if Tsunami had come had been caused, it could have arrived at there Ofunato just 5 minutes after the earthquake.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

An earthquake hit the Tohoku district at 6:24 p.m. of May 26th, 2003. A big tremor of intensity 6-minus was observed at the City of Ofunato. At 6:36 p.m., 12 minutes after the earthquake, the Morioka Local Meteorological Observatory announced that there would be no Tsunami coming to Ofunato. And in fact it did not come. But if Tsunami had come, it could have arrived at Ofunato just 5 minutes after the earthquake.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(dunkel, 10 February 08

 

At 6:24 p.m. on May 26 in 2003, an earthquake hit Tohoku district in Japan. Ofunato City registered a heavy quake with intensity of 6 lower. At 6:36 p.m. which was 12 minutes after the quake, the local meteorological observatory in Morioka City announced that there was no danger to receive a Tsunami in Ofunato City.

 

In fact, the forecast about Tsunami proved truth afterward. But if Tsunami had been generated by the earthquake, Ofunato City would receive first Tsunami wave just after 5 minutes when the earthquake had happened.

 

添削

 

At 6:24 p.m. on May 26 in 2003, an earthquake hit the Tohoku district in Japan. Ofunato City registered a heavy quake with the intensity of lower 6 lower. At 6:36 p.m. which was 12 minutes after the earthquake, the local meteorological observatory in Morioka City announced that there was no danger of to receive a Ttsunami in Ofunato City.

 

In fact, the forecast about Ttsunami proved truth to be true afterward. But if Tsunami tsunami had been generated by the earthquake, Ofunato City would could have received the first wave of Ttsunami wave just after 5 minutes when after the earthquake had happened.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。内容が時間に沿って整理されているのでわかりやすいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

At 6:24 p.m. on May 26 in 2003, an earthquake hit the Tohoku district in Japan. Ofunato City registered a heavy quake with the intensity of lower 6. At 6:36 p.m. which was 12 minutes after the earthquake, the local meteorological observatory in Morioka City announced that there was no danger of tsunami in Ofunato City.

 

In fact, the forecast about tsunami proved to be true. But if tsunami had been generated by the earthquake, Ofunato City could have received the first wave of tsunami just 5 minutes after the earthquake.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マーチャン、27 November 07

 

An earthquake occurred in the Tohoku district at 6:24 p.m. on May 26, 2003. Ofunado City had big quakes with the intensity of lower 6 on the Japanese earthquake scale of seven. At 6:30 p.m., 12 minutes after the earthquake, the Morioka Local Weather Station announced that there would be no fear of tsunami at Ofunato. Indeed, tsunami did not come. But if it had come to Ofunato, the first wave could have reached Ofunato in five minutes after the earthquake.

 

添削

 

An earthquake occurred in the Tohoku district at 6:24 p.m. on May 26, 2003. Ofunado City had big quakes with the intensity of lower 6 on the Japanese earthquake scale of seven. At 6:30 p.m., 12 minutes after the earthquake, the Morioka Local Weather Station announced that there would be no fear of tsunami at Ofunato. Indeed, tsunami did not come. But if it had come to Ofunato, the first wave could have reached Ofunato in five minutes after the earthquake.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。時制が正確なので事柄の前後関係がよくわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 1(散歩人、9 May 07

 

The earthquake happened in Tohoku district at 6:24 p.m. on May 26, 2003. In Ofunato City, people had a rather strong shaking of the earthquake which was intensity 6 lower. In twelve minutes, 6:36 p.m., Morioka Local Meteorological Observatory announced that there was no cause for worry about a tsunami as a result of this earthquake. Fortunately a tsunami didn't come, but it is supposed that a tsunami would had struck Ofunato City in five minutes after the earthquake, if a tsunami had arrived.

 

添削

 

The An earthquake happened in the Tohoku district at 6:24 p.m. on May 26, 2003. In Ofunato City, people had felt a rather strong quakes shaking of the earthquake which was registered the intensity of lower 6 lower. In twelve minutes, At 6:36 p.m1., twelve minutes after the earthquake occurred , the Morioka Local Meteorological Observatory announced that there was no cause for worry about a tsunami as a result of this earthquake2. Fortunately In fact3, a tsunami didn't come., but it is supposed that However, a tsunami would had struck Ofunato City in five minutes after the earthquake, if a tsunami had taken place arrived.

 

コメント

 

1.       一番大切なのは何時だったかなので、先ずat 6:36 amとして次にこの説明を入れます。

 

2.       「大船渡には津波の心配はありません」は気象台の発表の文面ですが、英文ではThere will be no tsunami at Ofunato.と直裁に発表するでしょう。

 

3.       fortunatelyは「幸いにも」ですから、津波の危険もあったが幸いにも、という意味になります。気象台は「津波は来ない」と言っていたので、ここではin fact「実際に」がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

An earthquake happened in the Tohoku district at 6:24 p.m. on May 26, 2003. In Ofunato City, people felt strong quakes which registered the intensity of lower 6. At 6:36 p.m., twelve minutes after the earthquake occurred, the Morioka Local Meteorological Observatory announced that there was no cause for worry about a tsunami as a result of this earthquake. In fact, a tsunami didn't come. However, a tsunami would had struck Ofunato City in five minutes after the earthquake, if a tsunami had taken place .

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、6 March 07

 

An earthquake occurred in the Tohoku district at 6:24 p.m. on May 26, 2003. Ofunado City had a big quake with a intensity 6 lower. Morioka local weather station announced that there is no fear of tsunami at Ofunato at 6:30 p.m. 12 minutes after the earthquake. Indeed, tsunami did not come, but if it had come to Ofunato, the first wave would had come to Ofunato five minutes later.

 

添削

 

An earthquake occurred in the Tohoku district at 6:24 p.m. on May 26, 2003. Ofunado City had a big quakes with a the intensity of lower 6 lower on the Japanese earthquake scale of seven1. At 6:30 p.m., 12 minutes after the earthquake2, the Morioka lLocal wWeather sStation announced that there is would be no fear of tsunami at Ofunato at 6:30 p.m. 12 minutes after the earthquake. Indeed, tsunami did not come., bBut if it had come to Ofunato, the first wave would had come could have reached to Ofunato in five minutes later after the earthquake.

 

コメント

 

1.       震度6、は正確にはこのような表現になります。

 

2.       この文章では時間が大切なので、このように文頭に置くとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

An earthquake occurred in the Tohoku district at 6:24 p.m. on May 26, 2003. Ofunado City had big quakes with the intensity of lower 6 on the Japanese earthquake scale of seven. At 6:30 p.m., 12 minutes after the earthquake, the Morioka Local Weather Station announced that there would be no fear of tsunami at Ofunato. Indeed, tsunami did not come. But if it had come to Ofunato, the first wave could have reached Ofunato in five minutes after the earthquake.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 10 September 05

 

An earthquake happened around Tokyo area at 6:24pm on May 26th, 2003. It recorded intensity 6 at Ofunato City. The Morioka District Metrological Observatory announced ‘There is no fear of tsunami in Ofunatoi’ after 12minutes from the earthquake, 6:36 am. Actually tsunami was not occurred but if it happened the first wave would have reached Ofunato in 5minitutes.

 

添削

 

An earthquake happened around in the Tokyo Tohoku area at 6:24 pm on May 26th, 2003. It recorded intensity 6 at Ofunato City. The Morioka District Metrological Observatory announced, ‘There is will be1 no fear of tsunami in Ofunatoi,at 6:36 pm, after 12 minutes after from the earthquake, 6:36 am. Actually tTsunami actually was not occurred did not come. but But if it happened had come2, the first wave would have reached Ofunato in 5 minitutes minutes after the earthquake3.

 

コメント

 

1.       津波予報の発令なので未来形がよいでしょう。

 

2.       新しい文にしたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。過去に実際には起こらなかったものを起こったと仮定すると、なのでif it had comeになります。

 

3.       in five minutes〈五分以内に〉ではなくてfive minutes after the earthquake〈地震の五分後〉に津波が海岸に到達する、のでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

An earthquake happened in the Tohoku area at 6:24 pm on May 26th, 2003. It recorded intensity 6 at Ofunato City. The Morioka District Metrological Observatory announced, ‘There will be1 no fear of tsunami in Ofunatoi,’ at 6:36 pm, 12 minutes after the earthquake. Tsunami actually did not come. But if it had come, the first wave would have reached Ofunato 5  minutes after the earthquake.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、6 August 04

 

There was an earthquake in the Tohoku region at 6:24 p.m. on May 26, 2003. In Ofunato City, people experienced a big jolt registered in the lower 6 on the Japanese scale of 7.  Twelve minutes later at 6:36, the Morioka Meteorological Observatory announced that "there would be no fear of a tsunami coming to Ofunato City." In fact, a tsunami did not come, but if a tsunami had occurred, the first wave would have reached Ofunato City five minutes after the quake hit the area.

 

添削

 

There was an earthquake in the Tohoku region at 6:24 p.m. on May 26, 2003. In Ofunato City, people experienced a big jolt registered in the lower 6 on the Japanese earthquake scale of 7. Twelve minutes later at 6:36 p.m., the Morioka Meteorological Observatory announced that "there would will1 be no fear of a tsunami coming to Ofunato City." In fact, a tsunami did not come, but if a tsunami had occurred, the first wave would have reached Ofunato City in five minutes after the quake hit the area.

 

コメント

 

1.       直接引用なので時制は未来になります。文章のほかの動詞の時制は正確で内容がわかりやすくなっていますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

There was an earthquake in the Tohoku region at 6:24 p.m. on May 26, 2003. In Ofunato City, people experienced a big jolt registered in the lower 6 on the Japanese earthquake scale of 7. Twelve minutes later at 6:36 p.m., the Morioka Meteorological Observatory announced that "there will be no fear of a tsunami coming to Ofunato City." In fact, a tsunami did not come, but if a tsunami had occurred, the first wave would have reached Ofunato City in five minutes after the quake hit the area.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Chan, 15 Aug 03

 

An earthquake took place in the Tohoku region at 6:24 in the morning on May 26, 2003. In the City of Ohfunato, the earthquake was measured a little less than 6 on the Richter scale. Twelve minutes later at 6:36 in the morning, the Morioka Meteorological Observatory announced that there would no tsunami coming to Ohfunato.

 

In fact, there was no tsunami in Ohfunato. But if there had been a tsunami, then it could have arrived at Ohfunato within five minutes of the earthquake. In other words, the warning from the Morioka Meteorological Observatory would have been too late for people to escape from the tsunami.

 

添削

 

An earthquake took place in hit the Tohoku region at 6:24 in the morning on May 26, 2003. In the City of Ohfunato, the earthquake was measured a little less than 6 on the Richter scale. Twelve minutes later at 6:36 in the morning, the Morioka Meteorological Observatory announced that there would was no tsunami coming to Ohfunato1.

 

In fact, It turned out that there was no tsunami in Ohfunato. But if there had been a tsunami, then it could have arrived at Ohfunato within five minutes of the earthquake. In other words, the warning from the Morioka Meteorological Observatory would have been too late for people to escape from the tsunami2.

 

コメント

 

1.       Chanさんの投稿は日本文の内容を明確に伝えています。正確な時間の記述が大切な文章なので次のようにすると、時間の関係がよりはっきりします。

 

At 6:24 a.m. on May 26, 2003, an earthquake hit the Tohoku region. The earthquake shook the City of Ohfunato with the force measured a little less than 6 on the Richter scale. At 6:36 a.m., twelve minutes after the earthquake, the Morioka Meteorological Observatory announced that there was no danger of tsunami in Ohfunato.

 

2.       Chanさんは日本文には無いIn other words, the warning from the Morioka Meteorological Observatory would have been too late for people to escape from the tsunami. を付け加えて日本文の少々舌足らずのところを補っています。この例のように日本文では、書いてなくても読者にわかると思われるところを省略する場合があります。英文では文章の内容を完結するために日本文で省略された部分を補足して表現する必要があります。

 

添削後の文章

 

An earthquake hit the Tohoku region at 6:24 in the morning on May 26, 2003. In the City of Ohfunato, the earthquake measured a little less than 6 on the Richter scale. Twelve minutes later at 6:36 in the morning, the Morioka Meteorological Observatory announced that there was no tsunami coming to Ohfunato.

 

It turned out that there was no tsunami in Ohfunato. But if there had been a tsunami, then it could have arrived at Ohfunato within five minutes of the earthquake. In other words, the warning from the Morioka Meteorological Observatory would have been too late for people to escape from the tsunami.

 

 

初級問題 66

 

群馬弁には表現の柔らかくなる「女言葉」がありません。群馬弁の会話を文字にすると、話し手が男か女かわからなくなります。このようは方言は全国ではほかに土佐弁(高知県)ぐらいです。言葉の上にも群馬の女性の強さが表れています。

 

読者からの投稿 14(文月、8 November 14

 

The Gunma dialect, which is spoken in Gunma Prefecture, has no women's language in a softer tone. If you record a conversation in written form, you cannot tell the speaker is a man or a woman. There is no other dialect like this except the Tosa dialect, which is spoken in Kochi Prefecture. Even the language shows the strength of women in Gunma.

 

添削

 

The Gunma dialect, which is spoken in the Gunma Prefecture, has no women's language in a softer tone. If you read record a conversation in a written form, you cannot tell if the speaker is a man or a woman. There is no other dialect like this in Japan except the Tosa dialect, which is spoken in the Kochi Prefecture. Even the language shows the strength of women in Gunma.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Gunma dialect, which is spoken in the Gunma Prefecture, has no women's language in a softer tone. If you read a conversation in a written form, you cannot tell if the speaker is a man or a woman. There is no other dialect like this in Japan except the Tosa dialect, which is spoken in the Kochi Prefecture. Even the language shows the strength of women in Gunma.

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(sasuke, 30 July 14

 

Gunma dialect doesn't have women's words such as moderate expressions. It's hard to distinguish if a written conversation in Gunma dialect is male's or female's. Aside from Gunma dialect, lIke that language is only Tosa dialect. It shows that women of Gunma are tough.

 

添削

 

The Gunma dialect doesn't have women's words such as those for moderate expressions. It's hard to distinguish from if a written conversation of the in Gunma dialect if the speaker is a male's or female's. Aside from the Gunma dialect, lIke that language is only the Tosa dialect. Is the only one with similar characteristics. The Gunma dialect It shows that the women of Gunma are tough.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略は推測できますが、It's hard to distinguish if a written conversation in Gunma dialect is male's or female's. Aside from Gunma dialect, lIke that language is only Tosa dialect.のところがはっきりしません。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Gunma dialect doesn't have women's words such as those for moderate expressions. It's hard to distinguish from a written conversation of the Gunma dialect if the speaker is a male or female. Aside from the Gunma dialect, the Tosa dialect Is the only one with similar characteristics. The Gunma dialect shows that the women Gunma are tough.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(Valley winds, 9 October 12

 

There is any phrases “Onna Kotoba”, which only women use, which are soft expressions, is Gunma Japanese. If you make conversation in Gunma Japanese script, you can’t realize whether a man or a woman speaks. Such local language is only Tosa Japanese, in Kochi Prefecture. The strength of women in Gunma area appears on the language.

 

添削

 

In the Gunma dialect of Japanese1, Tthere is are no2 any phrases “Onna Kotoba” phrases, which only women use, which are soft expressions used by women, is Gunma Japanese. If you read make conversations written in the Gunma dialect Japanese script, you can’t tell realize whether a man or a woman is speaksing. Such a local dialect language is exists only in Tosa Japanese, in Kochi Prefecture besides Gunma. The social3 strength of women in the Gunma area appears even in on the language. they speak.

 

コメント

 

内容の大部分の推測はできますが、There is any phrases “Onna Kotoba”, which only women use, which are soft expressions, is Gunma Japanese.のところがわかりません。

 

1.       先ずは群馬弁のことを話しているとはっきりするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       noが無いと意味が逆になってしまいます。

 

3.       「社会的な強さ」とするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

In the Gunma dialect of Japanese, there are no “Onna Kotoba” phrases, which are soft expressions used by women. If you read conversations written in the Gunma dialect, you can’t tell whether a man or woman is speaking. Such a local dialect exists only in Tosa in Kochi Prefecture besides Gunma. The social strength of women in the Gunma area appears even in the language they speak.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(Tatsuo, 8 July 10

 

The Gunma dialect doesn’t have “a female speech” that an expression become soft. If we translate the conversation of the Gunma dialect into written language, no one distinguish between men and women which part of the conversation they spoke. Only the Tosa dialect that is used in Kochi prefecture has like this characteristic of dialect of all nationwide. We find from the dialect that the women of Gunma prefecture seem strong.            

 

添削

 

The Gunma dialect doesn’t have “a female speech,” that is an a soft expression used by women become soft. If we translate transcribe1 the conversations of in the Gunma dialect into written language, no one can distinguish between men and women which part of the conversations men or women they has spoken2. Only the Tosa dialect that is used in Kochi pPrefecture has like this characteristic of dialect of all nationwide. We find even3 from the dialect that the women of Gunma pPrefecture have a seem strong social presence.            

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますがno one distinguish between men and women which part of the conversation they spokeのところがわかり難いです。

 

1.       transcribeに「会話を書き写す」という意味があります。この単語を使うと添削のように簡単な文になります。

 

2.       このような文構造にします。

 

3.       「(他にも群馬の女性が強いという例はあるでしょうが)群馬弁だけをとってもみても」という気持ちになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Gunma dialect doesn’t have “a female speech,” that is a soft expression used by women . If we transcribe conversations in the Gunma dialect, no one can distinguish which part of the conversations men or women has spoken. Only the Tosa dialect that is used in Kochi Prefecture has this characteristic nationwide. We find even from the dialect that the women of Gunma Prefecture have a strong social presence.            

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(mxtomi, 12 October 09

 

Interestingly, the Gunma dialect has no “feminine speech” that makes women’s expressions sound gentler. Once a conversation in the dialect is written down, nobody can tell whether the speakers are men or women. Among other dialects the similar feature can be seen only in the Tosa (Kochi Prefecture) dialect. The Gunma dialect seems to vividly mirror the strong presence of women in Gunma.

 

添削

 

Interestingly, the Gunma dialect has no “feminine speech” that makes women’s expressions sound gentler. Once a conversation in the dialect is written down, nobody can tell whether the speakers is1 a are men man or woman women. Among other dialects the similar feature can be seen only in the Tosa (Kochi Prefecture) dialect. The Gunma dialect seems to vividly mirror the strong social presence of women in Gunma.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       この個人が男性か女性かわからない、としたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Interestingly, the Gunma dialect has no “feminine speech” that makes women’s expressions sound gentler. Once a conversation in the dialect is written down, nobody can tell whether the speaker is a man or woman. Among other dialects the similar feature can be seen only in the Tosa (Kochi Prefecture) dialect. The Gunma dialect seems to vividly mirror the strong social presence of women in Gunma.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(kk, 7 April 08

 

There are no euphemistic feminine diction in the Gunma dialect. If you write down the conversation in the Gunma dialect, you cannot tell the speakers' genders. Such characteristics in dialect is rare and seen only in the Tosa dialect in Kochi Prefecture. The strong women power in Gunma is well represented even in the language.

 

添削

 

There are no euphemistic feminine diction expressions in the Gunma dialect. If you write down the conversation in the Gunma dialect, you cannot tell the speakers' genders. Such characteristics in the dialect is rare and only other direct1 is seen only in the Tosa dialect in Kochi Prefecture. The strong women social position of women power in Gunma is well reflected represented even in the language.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       添削のようにすると土佐弁がもう一つの例外だということがはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

There are no euphemistic feminine expressions in the Gunma dialect. If you write down the conversation in the Gunma dialect, you cannot tell the speakers' genders. Such characteristics in the dialect is rare and only other direct is the Tosa dialect in Kochi Prefecture. The strong social position of women in Gunma is reflected even in the language.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(dunkel, 12 February 08

 

People say that women in Gumna Prefecture have a strong character even in their dialect. They don't have any "female expression" or moderate way of expression. So, if you write down their talks directly, you can find it difficult to decide the gender of the speaker. Only women in Kochi Prefecture have the similar dialect called "Tosa dialect" .

 

添削

 

People say that women in Gumna Prefecture have a strong character even in their dialect. They don't have any "female expression" or moderate way of expression. So, if you write down their talks directly, you can find it difficult to decide the gender of the speaker. Only women in Kochi Prefecture have the similar dialect called "Tosa dialect" .

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。People say that women in Gumna Prefecture have a strong character even in their dialect.でこの文章の主要点が「群馬の女性の強さ」であることが強調されています。添削箇所はありません。

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(マーチャン、29 November 07

 

The Gunma dialect of Japanese has no “woman words” just used by women to make expressions soft and elegant. If we write conversations in the Gunma dialect, we cannot identify whether the speakers are men or women. There is no dialect like this except the Tosa dialect in Japan. Women in Gunma Prefecture are really strong, so their strength is expressed even in the language they use.

 

添削

 

The Gunma dialect of Japanese1 has no “woman words” that are just used by women to make expressions soft and elegant. If we write conversations in the Gunma dialect, we cannot identify whether the speakers are men or women. There is no other dialect like this except the Tosa dialect in Japan. Women in Gunma Prefecture are really strong in society2, so their strength is expressed even in the language they use.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       日本の言葉を話している、と前提の文章でよいでしょう。世界の他の言語に女言葉があるのかどうか、というのは面白い課題ですが、この文章の対象にはしていません。

 

2.       「群馬のかかあ天下」と言いますから、社会的の強い、を入れておくとよいでしょう。これがないと、身体が頑強だ、の意味になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Gunma dialect has no “woman words” that are just used by women to make expressions soft and elegant. If we write conversations in the Gunma dialect, we cannot identify whether the speakers are men or women. There is no other dialect like this except the Tosa dialect. Women in Gunma Prefecture are really strong in society, so their strength is expressed even in the language they use.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(散歩人、9 May 07

 

Gunma dialect does not have women's language which have an expression genial. Getting Gunma dialect conversation onto paper, it is impossible to judge whether the speaker is a male or a female. As such a kind of dialect except for Gunma dialect, there is only Tosa dialect (Kochi Prefecture) in Japan. The usage of such a dialect shows the machisma in Gunma.

 

添削

 

The Gunma dialect does not have women's language words1 which have an softer expressions than men’s words genial. Reading Getting Gunma dialect conversations written in the Gunma dialect2 onto paper, it is impossible to judge whether the speaker is a male or a female. As such a kind of dialect Besides3 except for the Gunma dialect, there is only the Tosa dialect in (Kochi Prefecture) in Japan is the only one with such characteristics. The usage of the Gunma dialect such a dialect shows the strong social position of women4 machisma in Gunma.

 

コメント

 

1.       「女言葉」の説明が難しいですね。languageというと言葉全体を表現します。「女言葉」は確かに単語と言い方との両面を持っていますが、言語自体は日本語ですから、women’s wordsとして添削のような説明を加えました。

 

2.       「群馬弁の会話を文字にすると」は「群馬弁で書かれた会話を読むと」と言い換えると内容がわかりやすくなるでしょう。

 

3.       Aの他には、Bしかない」はBesides A, B is the only one. Besides A, there is only B.と表現できます。

 

4.       添削のように具体的に説明するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Gunma dialect does not have women's words which have softer expressions than men’s words. Reading conversations written in the Gunma dialect, it is impossible to judge whether the speaker is a male or a female. Besides the Gunma dialect, the Tosa dialect in Kochi Prefecture is the only one with such characteristics. The usage of the Gunma dialect  shows the strong social position of women in Gunma.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、7 March 07

 

Gunma Japanese has no woman words to make elegant expressions. If we write conversation in Gunma Japanese, we cannot understand whether a speaker is a man or a woman. There is no dialect like  this except Tosa Japanese in Japan. Women in Gunma are really strong, so their strength is expressed even in language.

 

添削

 

The Gunma dialect of Japanese has no woman words1 just used by women to make elegant expressions soft and elegant. If we write conversations in the Gunma dialect Japanese, we cannot understand identify whether a the speakers are men or women2 is a man or a woman. There is no dialect like this except the Tosa dialect Japanese in Japan. Women in Gunma Prefecture are really strong, so their strength is expressed even in the language they use.

 

添削

 

1.       woman wordsは造成語なので引用句に入れて補足説明を付けるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       会話なので複数がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Gunma dialect of Japanese has no “woman words” just used by women to make expressions soft and elegant. If we write conversations in the Gunma dialect, we cannot identify whether the speakers are men or women. There is no dialect like this except the Tosa dialect in Japan. Women in Gunma Prefecture are really strong, so their strength is expressed even in the language they use.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 10 September 05

 

Generally ‘feminism’ softens expression but Gunma dialog doesn’t have feminism. If we wrote down Gunma dialog conversation, we can’t find out the speaker’s sex. There is no dialect like it except for Tosa dialog (Kochi). We can see the power of Gunma women even in their words.

 

添削

 

Generally ‘women words feminism1’ softens expressions but the Gunma dialog doesn’t does not have feminism such women words. If we wrote write down conversations in the Gunma dialog conversation, we can’t cannot2 find out the speakerss sexes3. There is no dialect like it this except for the Tosa dialog (in the Kochi prefecture). We can see the power of Gunma women even in their words.

 

コメント

 

1.       フェミニズムは女性と男性が同等の権利を有する、という主張なので「女言葉」という意味はありません。”women words”と簡単に表現してよいでしょう。

 

2.       会話を記述するときや、くだけた内容の英文にはcan’t, haven’t, don’tなどの省略記述が使われますが、フォーマルな英文では省略しないほう、きちんとした英文になるのでよいでしょう。

 

3.       会話なので二人またはそれ以上の人がいますから複数にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Generally ‘women words’ soften expressions but the Gunma dialog does not have such women words. If we write down conversations in the Gunma dialog, we cannot find out the speakers’ sexes. There is no dialect like this except the Tosa dialog (in the Kochi prefecture). We can see the power of Gunma women even in their words.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、6 August 04

 

A dialect spoken in Gunma Prefecture has no "feminine diction" for milder expressions. When you see a written conversation in Gunma dialect, you have no idea which the speaker is, a man or a woman. The only other example we can think of as a similar type of dialect in Japan is the Tosa dialect(Kochi Prefecture.) We can see the strength of women in Gunma through the language they use.

 

添削

 

A The dialect spoken in Gunma Prefecture has no "feminine diction" for milder expressions. When you see a written conversation in the Gunma dialect, you have no idea which to tell if the speaker is, a man or a woman. The only other example we can think of as a similar type of dialect in Japan is the Tosa dialect (Kochi Prefecture.) We can see the strength of women strong social status of women1 in Gunma Prefecture through the language they use.

 

コメント

 

1.       「群馬の女性の強さ」を説明的にしました。

 

私の息子は日本語を話しますが、子供のときに日本へ来ると、「優しい日本語を話しますね」と言われました。息子は家で私より家内と話す時間が長かったせいか女言葉の言い回しをおぼえたようです。

 

添削後の文章

 

The dialect spoken in Gunma Prefecture has no "feminine diction" for milder expressions. When you see a written conversation in the Gunma dialect, you have no idea to tell if the speaker is a man or a woman. The only other example we can think of as a similar type of dialect in Japan is the Tosa dialect (Kochi Prefecture.) We can see the strong social status of women in Gunma Prefecture through the language they use.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(NOMU, 9 July 04

 

There is no mild word exclusively used by women in the Gunma dialect. So, if you write down conversation carried in Gunma dialect, you won't be able to tell if the speakers are women or men. The same can be said only for Kouchi dialect or 'tosa ben' among other dialects. This fact indicates that women in Gunma prefecture are no weaker than men.

 

添削

 

There is are no mild soft words exclusively used by women in the Gunma dialect. So, if you write down conversations carried in the Gunma dialect, you won't will not be able to tell if the speakers are women or men. The same can be said only for the Kouchi dialect or 'tosa ben' among other dialects1. This fact indicates that women in Gunma pPrefecture are no weaker than men2.

 

コメント

 

1.       「このようは方言は全国ではほかに土佐弁(高知県)ぐらいです。」は直訳して、Among Japanese dialects, only the Kouchi dialect, or tosa-ben, has the same characteristics.としたくなりますが、NOMUさんは内容を考えて、もっとわかり易い表現をしています。

 

2.       「言葉の上にも群馬の女性の強さが表れています。」は「かかあでんかと言われている群馬の女性の社会における強い位置は言葉の上にも表れている。」ということでしょうから、NOMUさんの表現はすこしニュアンスが違いますね。補足説明をいれて表現すれば次の例のようになります。This shows that the strong status of women in the Gunma Prefecture is also reflected in their manner of speech.

 

添削後の文章

 

There are no soft words exclusively used by women in the Gunma dialect. So, if you write down conversations carried in the Gunma dialect, you will not be able to tell if the speakers are women or men. The same can be said only for the Kouchi dialect or 'tosa ben' among other dialects. This fact indicates that women in Gunma Prefecture are no weaker than men.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Kei, 13 Aug 03

 

The Gunnma dialect does not have any soft female words. So, when we write down conversations in the Gunnma dialect, we cannot tell whether males or females are speaking. The Tosa dialect is the only other dialect without female words. This shows that the strong position women hold in the Gunnma area is also reflected in its dialect.

 

添削

 

The Gunnma dialect does not have any soft female words that are often used in other dialects to add a soft feminine touch to female conversations1. So, when we write down conversations in the Gunnma dialect, we cannot tell whether males or females are speaking which speakers are males and which ones are females2. The Tosa dialect is the only other dialect without female words. This shows that3 tThe strong position women hold in the Gunnma area is also reflected in its dialect.

 

コメント

 

Keiさんは「群馬弁の会話を文字にする」、「女性の強さが表れています」の内容を考えて write down conversations, the strong position is reflected in its dialect. と平易な動詞を選んで上手に表現しています。

 

1.       「表現が柔らかくなる」の説明を加えました。Any soft female wordsとするとstrong female wordsもあるのかなと考える人も出てきます。

 

2.       投稿のままでもよいと思いますが、添削はすこし理屈っぽくしました。会話をしている人が男女の場合どちらが男でどちらか女か会話の文章だけではわからない、という点をはっきりさせました。

 

3.       ここは添削のほうに言い切ったほうが内容が強く表現できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Gunnma dialect does not have any female words that are often used in other dialects to add a soft feminine touch to female conversations. So, when we write down conversations in the Gunnma dialect, we cannot tell which speakers are males and which ones are females. The Tosa dialect is the only other dialect without female words. The strong position women hold in the Gunnma area is reflected in its dialect.

 

 

初級問題 67

 

横浜市交通局は、2003年4月から試行していた横浜市営地下鉄の女性専用車両について、7月1日から本格導入することを決めた。女性専用車両が設けられるのは平日の始発から午前九時まで。四号車が女性専用となる。

 

読者からの投稿 12(文月、8 November 14

 

The Transportation Bureau, City of Yokohama has been trying women-only cars from April in 2003 and has decided to introduce them on a full scale from July 1. Women-only cars will be operated from the first train of the day to 9:00 a.m. on weekdays. The fourth car of each train is dedicated for women.

 

添削

 

The Transportation Bureau, of the1 City of Yokohama has been trying women-only cars on its subway system from April in 2003. and It2 has now decided to introduce them on a full scale from July 1. Women-only cars will be operated from the first train of the day till to 9:00 a.m. on weekdays. The fourth car of each train is dedicated for women.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       これを入れたほうが読んだときに語感がよくなります。

 

2.       ここから新しい文にすると印象が強くなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Transportation Bureau of the City of Yokohama has been trying women-only cars on its subway system from April in 2003. It has now decided to introduce them on a full scale from July 1. Women-only cars will be operated from the first train of the day till 9:00 a.m. on weekdays. The fourth car of each train is dedicated for women.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(Valley winds, 9 October 12

 

Yokohama City Transportation Authority decided that the coach for women only was going to be finally introduce in the Yokohama City Subway from September 1, which had been tentatively trying since April, 2004. The coach for women only will be set up from the first train to 9:00 am at weekdays and number four.

 

添削

 

The Yokohama City Transportation Authority decided that the coach for women only was going to be finally formally introduced into the Yokohama City Subway system on from September 1., The1 city which had been tentatively trying it since April, 2004. The coach for women only will be set up on the forth coach of every train from the first train to 9:00 am in the morning2 on at weekdays and number four.

 

コメント

 

最後の and number fourがわかりなせんが、他はすべてわかります。

 

1.       ここから新しい文にするとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       from the first train to 9:00 am だけでも内容はわかりますが、in the morningを入れるとthe first train の意味がはっきりするでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Yokohama City Transportation Authority decided that the coach for women only was going to be formally introduced into the Yokohama City Subway system on September 1.The city had been tentatively trying it since April, 2004. The coach for women only will be set up on the forth coach of every train from the first train to 9:00 am in the morning on weekdays .

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Tatsuo, 8 July 10

 

The transportation bureau in Yokohama City decided to introduce cars for women use only from July 1. The transportation bureau has tried to implement them since April 2003.The cars for women use only will be provided female passengers from a first train to 9am. The fourth car will be allotted to women.

 

添削

 

The transportation bureau in Yokohama City has decided to introduce cars for women use only from on July 11. The transportation bureau has been experimenting the cars for women only tried to implement them since April 20032.The cars for women use only will be provided available in the morning3 female passengers from the a first train to 9 am. The fourth car of each train will be allotted to women.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容はわかりますが、The transportation bureau has tried to implement them since April 2003.のところが日本文の内容と異なってしまいます。

 

1.       decided to introduceとあるのでon July 1で「7月1日からずっと」の意味になります。

 

2.       投稿のままですと、「横浜市交通局は2003年4月から(何回も)導入しようと試みた(がうまくいかなかった。)」という意味が含まれてしまいます。

 

3.       in the morningを入れるとfrom the fist trainの意味がはっきりします。私は先月この横浜市営地下鉄の女性専用車両にたまたまこの時間帯に乗ってしまい、あわてて出てきました。後で「ああ、例の添削問題の車両だな」と気がつきました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The transportation bureau in Yokohama City has decided to introduce cars for women only on July 1. The transportation bureau has been experimenting the cars for women only  since April 2003.The cars for women only will be available in the morning from the first train to 9 am. The fourth car of each train will be allotted to women.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(mxtomi, 12 October 09

 

The Traffic Bureau of Yokohama City decided to introduce 'women only cars' to its subway train services from July 1st after three months of trial runs since April 2003. The cars will run during morning rush hours from start of business through 9:00 every weekday morning. The Car #4 of each train will be used as the women’s carriage.

 

添削

 

The Traffic Bureau of Yokohama City decided to formally introduce 'women only cars' to its subway train services from on July 1st after the three months of trial runs since April 2003. The cars will run during morning rush hours from the start of business through 9:00 am every weekday morning. The Car #4 of each train will be used designated as the women’s carriage.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Traffic Bureau of Yokohama City decided to formally introduce 'women only cars' to its subway train services on July 1st after the three months of trial runs since April 2003. The cars will run during morning rush hours from the start of business through 9:00 am every weekday . The Car #4 of each train will be designated as the women’s carriage.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(kk, 8 April 08

 

The Transportation Bureau of Yokohama City has decided that the Yokohama Municipal Subway will start to provide women-only cars regularly as of July 1 after the trial since April in 2003. The women-only cars will be set from the start of service until 9:00 am on weekdays and the forth car of each train will be applicable.

 

添削

 

The Transportation Bureau of Yokohama City has decided that the Yokohama Municipal Subway will start to provide women-only cars regularly as of July 1 after the trial since April in 2003. The women-only cars will be set provided in the morning from the start of service until 9:00 am on weekdays and the forth car of each train will be applicable designated as women-only.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。「2003年4月から試行していた」をafter the trial since April in 2003と表現したのが簡潔ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Transportation Bureau of Yokohama City has decided that the Yokohama Municipal Subway will start to provide women-only cars regularly as of July 1 after the trial since April in 2003. The women-only cars will be provided in the morning from the start of service until 9:00 am on weekdays and the forth car of each train will be designated as women-only.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 14 February 08

 

Yokohama City's transportation authority decided to introduce women-only cars regularly on the Yokohama municipal subway line from July 1 in 2003. The authority had already carried out test runs from April this year. These women-only cars will be arranged every weekday from the first train to 9:00 a.m.. Fourth car of each train during this time will be set only for women's.

 

添削

 

The Transportation Authority of Yokohama City's transportation authority1 decided to regularly introduce women-only cars regularly on to the Yokohama municipal subway line from on July 1, in 2003. The authority had been already carriedcarrying2 out test runs from April this year. These women-only cars will be arranged every weekday from the first train to 9:00 a.m.. The Ffourth car of each train during this time period will be set reserved only for women's.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       英語は名詞の続いた複合名詞を嫌います。

 

2.       「ずっと続けてしていた」がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Transportation Authority of Yokohama City decided to regularly introduce women-only cars to the Yokohama municipal subway line on July 1, 2003. The authority had been already carrying out test runs from April this year. These women-only cars will be arranged every weekday from the first train to 9:00 a.m. The fourth car of each train during this period will be reserved only for women.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(マーチャン、30 November 07

 

The Yokohama Traffic Office has run a women-only car on the Yokohama City subway line on trial since April, 2000. The office decided to officially introduce a women-only car into the Yokohama City Subway system on July 1. The fourth car of the train will be designated as the women only car from the first train in the morning till the nine o'clock train on weekdays.

 

添削

 

The Yokohama Traffic Office has run a women-only car on the Yokohama City subway line on trial since April, 2000. The office has now decided to officially introduce a women-only car into the Yokohama City Subway system on July 1. The fourth car of the train will be designated as the women only car from the first train in the morning till the nine o'clock train in the morning on weekdays.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

The Yokohama Traffic Office has run a women-only car on the Yokohama City subway line on trial since April, 2000. The office has now decided to officially introduce a women-only car into the Yokohama City Subway system on July 1. The fourth car of the train will be designated as the women only car from the first train till the nine o'clock train in the morning on weekdays.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、16 May 07

 

Transportation Bureau, City of Yokohama decides to introduce a Yokohamashiei-Subway's women-only train car on July 1st. Transportation Bureau, City of Yokohama has already started to make a test installation of the service from April, 2000. People can use the service from the first train to 9:00 a.m. on weekdays.

 

添削

 

The Transportation Bureau of the City of Yokohama has decidesd to introduce a Yokohamashiei-Subway's women-only train car to its municipal subway system1 on July 1st. The Transportation Bureau City of Yokohama2 has been already started to make a testing the women-only car installation of the service from  since April, 20003. People Women can use this special car the service from the first train to 9:00 a.m. on weekdays.

 

コメント

 

1.       introduce A to Bという形になります。

 

2.       長い固有名詞を文章に再度使うときはその一部だけを添削のように省略して使うことができます。

 

3.       日本文の内容を取ると添削のような簡単な表現ができます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Transportation Bureau of the City of Yokohama has decided to introduce a  women-only car to its municipal subway system on July 1st. The Bureau has been testing the women-only car since April, 2000. Women can use this special car from the first train to 9:00 a.m. on weekdays.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、7 March 07

 

The Yokohama Traffic Office has run a women-only car on Yokohama City subway on trial since April, 2000. The office decided to officially introduce a women-only car into the Yokohama City Subway from July 1. The car will be provided with the fourth car of the train from the first train in the morning till the nine o'clock train on weekdays.

 

添削

 

The Yokohama Traffic Office has run a women-only car on the Yokohama City subway line on trial since April, 2000. The office decided to officially introduce a women-only car into the Yokohama City Subway system from on1 July 1. The car will be provided with theThe fourth car of the train2 will be designated as the women only car from the first train in the morning till the nine o'clock train on weekdays.

 

添削

 

1.       7月1日から、とありますが、「〜から〜まで」という表現ではないのでon July 1とします。

 

2.       主語を「四号車」にすると文簡単になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Yokohama Traffic Office has run a women-only car on the Yokohama City subway line on trial since April, 2000. The office decided to officially introduce a women-only car into the Yokohama City Subway system on July 1. The fourth car of the train will be designated as the women only car from the first train in the morning till the nine o'clock train on weekdays.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 10 September 05

 

The Yokohama Traffic Office decided to arrange ‘a women only car’ in the train of Yokohama Municipal Subway in earnest after their trial since April 2000. On weekdays among the first train and at 9am, each the forth car of the train is going to be offered only for women.

 

添削

 

The Yokohama Traffic Transportation1 Office has formally2 decided to arrange ‘a women only car’ in the train of the Yokohama Municipal Subway in earnest after their trial since April 2000. On weekdays, from the first train in the morning till the 9:00 am train3, among the first train and at 9am, each the forth car of the train is going to be offered available only for to women4.

 

コメント

 

1.       traffic officeというと交通規制などをする所の印象があるのでtransportation officeがよいでしょう。

 

2.       現在完了形にすると、「(つい最近)〜が決定した(決定したことはこれから始まる)」という意味になります。decidedと過去形だと、「(過去のいつかに)決定した」だけで、実行されたどうかについては何もいっていません。

 

3.       「始発から午前九時まで」では始発が何時なのかわからないので、from the first train in the morning till the 9:00 am trainin the morning9:00 amと内容の重複がありますが入れておきました。

 

4.       「四号車が女性専用となる。」をthe forth car of the train is going to be available only to women.be offeredよりbe available のほうが一般的な表現です)と表現したのが、a women only carの説明になっていてよいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Yokohama Transportation Office has formally decided to arrange ‘a women only car’ in the train of the Yokohama Municipal Subway after their trial since April 2000. On weekdays, from the first train in the morning till the 9:00 am train, the forth car of the train is going to be available only to women.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、7 August 04

 

The Transportation Bureau of the City of Yokohama decided to officially introduce on July 1 the women-only train cars, which had been running on a trial basis since April 2000, on the Yokohama Municipal Subway Line. The women-only cars are in service between the start of the day's schedule and 9:00 a.m. on weekdays. Car No. 4 will be exclusive to women.

 

添削

 

The Transportation Bureau of the City of Yokohama has1 decided to officially introduce on July 1 the women-only train cars, which had been running on a trial basis since April 2000, on the Yokohama Municipal Subway Line. The women-only cars are will be2 in service between the start of the day's schedule and 9:00 a.m. on weekdays3. For every train, Car No. 4 will be exclusive to women.

 

コメント

 

1.       過去に決定したことで現在でも有効、という意味で現在完了形のほうがよいとおもいます。、

 

2.       この記事が書かれたときにはまだ未来の出来事だったので、文章のほかの時制と適合するように未来形にします。

 

3.       「平日の始発から午前九時まで」の始発は次の午前9時と対応するので、時間の表現で無ければならず、「始発列車」the first trainとは表現できませんね。マウント60さんはthe start of the day’s schedule と工夫して表現しています。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Transportation Bureau of the City of Yokohama has decided to officially introduce on July 1 women-only train cars, which had been running on a trial basis since April 2000, on the Yokohama Municipal Subway Line. The women-only cars will be in service between the start of the day's schedule and 9:00 a.m. on weekdays. For every train, Car No. 4 will be exclusive to women.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マーチン、14 Aug 03

 

Since April 2003, the department of transport of the City of Yokohama has been experimenting with a “women only car” in its municipal subway system. Now it has decided to formally introduce the women only car to the regular subway services on July 1. The forth car of every train will be designated as women only from the first train to 9 o’clock every weekday morning.

 

添削

 

Since April 2003, the department of transport of in the City of Yokohama has been experimenting with a “women only car” in its municipal subway system. Now it has decided to formally introduce the women only car to the regular subway services on July 11. On weekday mornings from the first train to 9:00 a.m., Tthe forth car of every train will be designated as women only from the first train to 9 o’clock every weekday morning2.

 

コメント

 

1.       マーチンさんはいろいろな情報が詰まった日本文を整理して英文で表現しています。「横浜市交通局は、2003年4月から試行していた横浜市営地下鉄の女性専用車両について、7月1日から本格導入することを決めた。」下線部分は日本文の特徴である長い修飾節になっています。マーチンさんはこの部分を独立した文にしています。そもそもに本文でも次のように言いなおしたほうが読者に良くわかります。

 

「横浜市は2003年4月以来女性専用者を市営地下鉄で試行していたが、7月1日から本格的に導入することを決めた。」

 

2.       添削のようにすると前の文とのつながりが良くなり、読者の知りたいことが強調されます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Since April 2003, the department of transport in the City of Yokohama has been experimenting with a “women only car” in its municipal subway system. Now it has decided to formally introduce the women only car to regular subway services on July 1. On weekday mornings from the first train to 9:00 a.m., the forth car of every train will be designated as women only.

 

 

初級問題 68

 

長野県北部ではタケノコ採りの入山者の遭難が相次いでいる。県警によると、2003年五5月と6月で救助したケースは九件・十六人に上り、昨年の二件・三人を大幅に上回っている。その背景には、タケノコの不作で山奥まで探しに入ることがある。

 

読者からの投稿 13(文月、15 February 15

 

In the northern part of Nagano Prefecture, people who go into a mountain to pick bamboo shoots become stranded one after another. According to the Nagano prefectural police, sixteen people in nine cases were rescued in May and June in 2003. The total number increased substantially from three people in two cases of last year. This is partly because people go deep into the mountains due to poor harvest of bamboo shoots.

 

添削

 

In the northern part of Nagano Prefecture, people who go into a mountains to pick bamboo shoots become stranded one after another. According to the Nagano prefectural police, sixteen people in nine cases were rescued in May and June in 2003. The total number increased substantially from three people in two cases of last year. This is partly because people go deeper than usual1 into the mountains due to the poor harvest of bamboo shoots this year.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       このような比較を入れると内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

In the northern part of Nagano Prefecture, people who go into mountains to pick bamboo shoots become stranded one after another. According to the Nagano prefectural police, sixteen people in nine cases were rescued in May and June in 2003. The total number increased substantially from three people in two cases of last year. This is partly because people go deeper than usual into the mountains due to the poor harvest of bamboo shoots this year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(Valley winds, 16 October 12

 

A wave of people who go up a mountain in order to pick bamboo shoot and get lost in the mountain is occurring at the north area of Nagano Prefecture. The police of Prefecture announced that rescued nine affairs, sixteen persons on May and June, 2003 and the number of them greatly overtake last year’s number, two affairs, three persons. There is the background that many people step deeper in the mountains, because it has had a poor crop of bamboo shoot.

 

添削

 

A number1 wave of people who go up a mountain in order to pick bamboo shoot and get got2 lost in the mountains is occurring at in the northern area of Nagano Prefecture when they went for digging up bamboo shoots. The prefectural police of Prefecture announced that they3 rescued nine parties affairs, involving sixteen persons in on May and June, 2003 and the number of them greatly exceeded overtake the last year’s numbers of, two parties affairs, involving three persons. It seems There is the background that this year many people go step deeper into the mountains, because it has had of  a poor crop of bamboo shoots.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       a wave of people ~とすると、大群衆がわあっと一緒に山に入っていく、という感じになります。おもしろいですが、実際はa number of peopleぐらいでしょう。

 

2.       got lost in the mountains を文の最初のほうに置いて、文章の命題をはっきりします。

 

3.       主語が欠落しています。

 

添削後の文章

 

A number of people got lost in the mountains in the northern area of Nagano Prefecture when they went for digging up bamboo shoots. The prefectural police announced that they rescued nine parties involving sixteen persons in May and June, 2003 and the number of them greatly exceeded the last year’s numbers of two parties involving three persons. It seems that this year many people go deeper into the mountains because of a poor crop of bamboo shoots.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(Tatsuo, 16 July 10

 

People who have been to a mountain to pick bamboo shoots meet with an accident one after another in the northern part of Nagano prefecture. Local police station said that a total number of rescued people rose nine accidents that included 16 injured people between May and June in 2003. The number of victims is a big increase from last year. Accidents were happened only two cases involved three victims. The background of the accident is the shortage of bamboo shoots. Thus, people tried to look for them deep in a mountain.              

 

添削

 

People who go into have been to a mountains to pick up bamboo shoots have been meeting1 with an accident one after another in the northern part of Nagano prefecture. The2 Llocal police station said that a total number of rescued people rose nine accidents that included 16 injured3 people have been rescued4 between May and June in 2003. The number of accidents victims is a big has largely increased from last year.: Only two Aaccidents involving three people were happened last year only two cases involved three victims. The background for the large increase of the accidents is the shortage of bamboo shoots this year. Thus, people have been trying tried to look for them deeper in the a mountains.              

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、ところどころわかり難いところがあります。

 

1.       こちらを現在完了形にしたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       初出ですが県警は一つしかないので定冠詞をつけます。

 

3.       怪我をした人もいるでしょうが、大部分の遭難は道に迷って山から出られなくなったり、空腹や疲労で歩けなくなった人でしょう。

 

4.       rescueを文の主要動詞にしたほうが印象がつよくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

People who go into mountains to pick up bamboo shoots have been meeting with an accident one after another in the northern part of Nagano prefecture. The local police said that a total number of nine accidents that included 16 people have been rescued between May and June in 2003. The number of accidents has largely increased from last year: Only two accidents involving three people happened last year. The background for the large increase of accidents is the shortage of bamboo shoots this year. Thus, people have been trying to look for them deeper in the mountains.              

 

 

読者からの投稿 10 (mxtomi, 12 October 09)

 

There has been a series of getting stranded in the mountain involving bamboo shoot pickers in northern part of Nagano Prefecture. The Nagano Prefectural Police reports that during the period of May through June 2003, it rescued 16 people in 9 incidents, far outpacing 3 people in 2 incidents for the corresponding period last year. Behind the substantial increase is the poor harvest of bamboo shoots this year which tends to drive pickers deeper into the mountains looking for them.

 

添削

 

There has been a series of incidents of getting stranded in the mountains involving bamboo shoot pickers in the northern part of Nagano Prefecture. The Nagano Prefectural Police reports that during the period from of May to through June 2003, it rescued 16 people in 9 incidents, far outpacing 3 people in 2 incidents for the same corresponding period last year. The reason for1 Behind the substantial increase is the poor harvest of bamboo shoots this year which tends to drive pickers deeper into the mountains looking for them.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       このほうが直截な表現になるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

There has been a series of incidents of getting stranded in the mountains involving bamboo shoot pickers in the northern part of Nagano Prefecture. The Nagano Prefectural Police reports that during the period from f May to June 2003, it rescued 16 people in 9 incidents, far outpacing 3 people in 2 incidents for the same period last year. The reason for the substantial increase is the poor harvest of bamboo shoots this year which tends to drive pickers deeper into the mountains looking for them.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(kk, 10 April 08

 

Bamboo shoot hunters have got stranded in the mountains continually in the north of Nagano Prefecture. According to the report by the prefectural police, the number of the rescue operations was up to 9 incidents of 16 rescuees during May and June in 2003, which has risen considerably from the number of the last year's 2 incidents of 3 rescuees. One of the reasons behind the rising number is that as bamboo shoots are scanty this year, the hunters tend to enter farther in the mountain after them.

 

添削

 

Bamboo shoot hunters have got stranded in the mountains continually one after another in the northern part of Nagano Prefecture this year. According to the report by the prefectural police, the number of the rescue operations was up to 9 incidents of involving 16 people rescuees during May and June in 2003, which has was much larger than1 risen considerably from the number of the last year's 2 incidents involving of 3 people rescuees. One of the reasons behind the rising number is that as2 bamboo shoots are scanty scarce this year, and the hunters tend to enter go farther deeper into the mountain looking for after them.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       平易な表現にしてみました。

 

2.       正確に考えると因果関係がありますが、添削のような順序で並べれば因果関係がわかるので特にasを使う必要はありません。

 

添削後の文章

 

Bamboo shoot hunters got stranded in the mountains one after another in the northern part of Nagano Prefecture this year. According to the prefectural police, the number of the rescue operations was up to 9 incidents involving 16 people during May and June in 2003, which was much larger than the last year's 2 incidents involving 3 people. One of the reasons behind the rising number is that bamboo shoots are scarce this year and the hunters tend to go deeper into the mountain looking for them.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(dunkel, 21 March 08

 

Many people who tried to dig bamboo shoots got lost in the mountains of the northern Nagano Prefecture in 2003. The Prefectural Police Headquarters announced that they had already rescued 16 people from 9 accidents on May and June this year which was much larger than last year of 3 people from 2 accidents. We think that bad harvest of the bamboo shoots this year let people go deep into the mountains where they don't have much information.

 

添削

 

Many people who tried went into the mountains1 to dig bamboo shoots got lost in the mountains of the northern Nagano Prefecture in 2003. The Prefectural Police Headquarters announced that they had already rescued 16 people from 9 accidents on in May and June alone this year, which was much larger than last year of 3 people from 2 accidents last year. We think that It appears2 that the bad harvest of the bamboo shoots this year let lead people go deeper into the unfamiliar parts of the mountains and caused many accidents where they don't have much information.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       実際にタケノコを見つけたでしょうから、try ではなく添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       We think よりIt appearsのほうが客観的な印象になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Many people who went into the mountains to dig bamboo shoots got lost in the northern Nagano Prefecture in 2003. The Prefectural Police Headquarters announced that they had already rescued 16 people from 9 accidents in May and June alone this year, which was much larger than 3 people from 2 accidents last year. It appears that the bad harvest of bamboo shoots this year lead people deeper into the unfamiliar parts of the mountains and caused many accidents .

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(dunkel, 20 February 08

 

Many people who tried to dig bamboo shoots got lost in the mountains of the northern Nagano Prefecture in 2003. The Prefectural Police Headquarters announced that they had already rescued 16 people from 9 accidents on May and June this year which was much larger than last year of 3 people from 2 accidents. We think that bad harvest of the bamboo shoots this year let people go deep into the mountains where they don't have much information.

 

添削

 

Many people who tried went into to dig bamboo shoots got lost1 in the mountains to dig bamboo shoots got lost of in the northern part of Nagano Prefecture in 2003. The Prefectural Police Headquarters announced that they had already rescued 16 people from 9 accidents on in May and June this year, which was much larger than last year of 3 people from 2 accidents last year. The We think that bad harvest of the bamboo shoots this year appears2 to have let lead people go deeper and deeper into unfamiliar parts of the mountains where they don't have much information.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       タケノコ狩りそのものが事故の原因のようになるので、添削のように森の中に入って遭難した、とするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       We think ~, It appears ~の両者とも伝聞を伝えますが、ここでは主語の出ないit appearsのほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Many people who went into the mountains to dig bamboo shoots got lost in the northern part of Nagano Prefecture in 2003. The Prefectural Police Headquarters announced that they had already rescued 16 people from 9 accidents in May and June this year, which was much larger than 3 people from 2 accidents last year. The bad harvest of bamboo shoots this year appears to have lead people deeper and deeper into unfamiliar parts of the mountains.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(マーチャン、2 Dec 07

 

Many people got lost in the mountains in the northern part of Nagano Prefecture while they went looking for bamboo shoots. According to the prefectural police, they rescued 16 people in 9 incidents between May and June, 2003. The number of incidents this year far exceeded that of three people in two incidents last year. This is because people go deeper into the mountains to look for bamboo shoots as bamboo shoots are scarce this year.

 

添削

 

Many people are getting got1 lost in the mountains in the northern part of Nagano Prefecture while they went go looking for bamboo shoots. According to the prefectural police, they rescued 16 people in 9 incidents between May and June, 2003. The number of incidents this year far exceeded that of three people in two incidents last year. This is because people go deeper into the mountains to look for bamboo shoots as bamboo shoots are scarce this year.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       この記事の書かれたときにはまだこのような遭難が起こっていたようなので、ここは現在進行形がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Many people are getting lost in the mountains in the northern part of Nagano Prefecture while they go looking for bamboo shoots. According to the prefectural police, they rescued 16 people in 9 incidents between May and June, 2003. The number of incidents this year far exceeded that of three people in two incidents last year. This is because people go deeper into the mountains to look for bamboo shoots as bamboo shoots are scarce this year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(散歩人、16 May 07

 

The increasing number of a victim who wants to gain a bamboo shoot is conspicuous, in the North area in Nagano Prefecture. According to Nagano Prefectural Police, the number of such a accident jumped up to 9 (16 people) in 2003 from 2 (3 people) in last year. One of the reason is for the hunter go into the middle of a mountain because of a bad harvest of a bamboo shoot there.

 

添削

 

A considerable The increasing number of people got stranded in the mountains1 in the northern part of Nagano Prefecture while hunting edible a victim who wants to gain a bamboo shoots this year2 is conspicuous, in the North area in Nagano Prefecture. According to the Nagano Prefectural Police, the number of such a accidents jumped up to 9 (16 people) in 2003 from 2 (3 people) in last year. One of the reasons is that3 for the bamboo shoot hunters go deeper into the middle of a mountains because of a bad harvest of a bamboo shoots this year there.

 

コメント

 

 

1.       「タケノコ採りの入山者の遭難」は遭難の内容が明らかではありませんが、道に迷って山から下りられなくなった、というようなものでしょう。get lost their ways out of the mountains, get stranded in the mountainsと表現できます。

 

2.       「タケノコ採りの入山者」はa considerable number of bamboo shoot hunters ~と名詞句で表現することもできますが、添削のようにwhile (they were) hunting edible bamboo shootsと従属節にしたほうが内容がわかりやすくなるでしょう。

 

3.       One of the reasons is that ~that節にしたほうが文が読みやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A considerable number of people got stranded in the mountains in the northern part of Nagano Prefecture while hunting edible bamboo shoots this year. According to the Nagano Prefectural Police, the number of such accidents jumped up to 9 (16 people) in 2003 from 2 (3 people) last year. One of the reasons is that bamboo shoot hunters go deeper into the mountains because of a bad harvest of bamboo shoots this year .

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(岩ちゃん、7 March 07

 

People often met with an accident in the mountains in the northern part of Nagano Prefecture to take bamboo shoot. According to the prefectural police, they had rescued 16 people in 9 accidents between May and June, 2003. The number this year far exceeded three people in two accidents last year. This is because people entered deeps in the mountains to take bamboo shoots as they did not grow up well.

 

添削

 

Many Ppeople got lost often met with an accident1 in the mountains in the northern part of Nagano Prefecture to while2 they went looking for take bamboo shoots. According to the prefectural police, they had rescued 16 people in 9 accidents incidents3 between May and June, 2003. The number of incidents this year far exceeded that of three people in two accidents incidents last year. This is because people entered go deepser into the mountains to take look for bamboo shoots as bamboo shoots are scarce4 this year they did not grow up well.

 

コメント

 

1.       山の遭難にはいろいろな種類がありますが、ここでは山で道に迷うことのようです。

 

2.       従属文にして説明するほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

3.       accidentsよりもっと一般的なincidentsのほうが妥当でしょう。

 

4.       「タケノコの不作」は「タケノコが少ない」とするとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Many people got lost in the mountains in the northern part of Nagano Prefecture while they went looking for bamboo shoots. According to the prefectural police, they rescued 16 people in 9 incidents between May and June, 2003. The number of incidents this year far exceeded that of three people in two incidents last year. This is because people go deeper into the mountains to look for bamboo shoots as bamboo shoots are scarce this year .

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 10 September 05

 

People for Takenoko gathering met accident one after another at the North of Nagano Prefecture. According to the prefectural Police, they rescued 9cases, 16people in May and June in 2003. The number far exceeded that of last year, 2cases, 3people. It is because poor crop of Takenoko let people look for it deep in mountains.

 

添削

 

People who went into the mountains for Takenoko bamboo shoot digging1 gathering met accidents one after another at in the North of northern part of Nagano Prefecture this year. According to the prefectural Ppolice, they rescued 16 people in 9 cases2 in May and June in 2003. The number this year far exceeded that 3 people in 2 case of last year, 2cases, 3people. It This is because the poor crop of Takenoko bamboo shoots this year lets3 people look for it them deeper in the mountains.

 

コメント

 

1.       「タケノコ採り」はbamboo shoot hunting またはbamboo shoot diggingと表現したらよいでしょう。「きのこ狩り」mushroom hunting、「木の実採り」cherry pickingという表現があります。私の町は既に初秋でそろそろキノコの季節です。町の近くの森にキノコ狩りに行きます。わたしは良く知っている食用キノコを二種類しか採りませんが、「どんなキノコでも一生に一度は食べられる」そうです。

 

2.       「九件・十六人」と日本文では大きなものから小さなものへ、概略から詳細へ、という順序になりますが、英文では逆になります。

 

3.       この記事の時点でまだタケノコ採りは続いているので現在形にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

People who went into the mountains for bamboo shoot digging met accidents one after another in the northern part of Nagano Prefecture this year. According to the prefectural police, they rescued 16 people in 9 cases in May and June. The number this year far exceeded 3 people in 2 case last year. This is because the poor crop of bamboo shoots this year lets people look for them deeper in the mountains.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、7 August 04

 

In northern Nagano Prefecture, bamboo shoot hunters went missing in the mountains one after another. According to the police of the prefecture, a total of 16 people in 9 cases were rescued in May and June, 2003. The number greatly exceeded 3 people in 2 cases of last year. There is a fact behind this that the hunters go deep into the mountains to look for bamboo shoots which are hard to find due to poor crop.

 

添削

 

In northern Nagano Prefecture, bamboo shoot hunters went missing1 in the mountains one after another. According to the police of the prefecture, a total of 16 people in 9 cases2 were rescued in May and June, 2003. The number greatly exceeded 3 people in 2 cases2 of last year. There is a fact behind this3 that the hunters go deep into the mountains to look for bamboo shoots which are hard to find due to a poor crop this year.

 

コメント

 

1.       マウント60さんの解釈のように「遭難」はこの文章では「道に迷う」が適当ですね。

 

2.       ちいさな数字(例えば二桁以下)の時には英単語で書くのを好む人が多いですが、この文章では、マウント60さんのように数字で書いたほうが、後の3 people in 2 casesと視覚的にわかりやすく較べられるので良いですね。

 

3.       This is because a bad crop this year is forcing bamboo hunters go deeper into the mountains than usual to look for bamboo shoots.とすると少し簡単になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

In northern Nagano Prefecture, bamboo shoot hunters went missing in the mountains one after another. According to the police of the prefecture, a total of 16 people in 9 cases were rescued in May and June, 2003. The number greatly exceeded 3 people in 2 cases of last year. There is a fact behind this that the hunters go deep into the mountains to look for bamboo shoots which are hard to find due to a poor crop this year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(マーチン、15 Aug 03

 

In the northern part of Nagano Prefecture, the number of accidents is increasing when people go into the mountains looking for edible bamboo shoots this year. The Nagano Prefectural Police says that they rescued nine cases of 16 people just in May and June. The number of people they rescued was much larger than just two cases of three people they rescued last year. The main reason for the larger number of incidents this year is the poor crop of edible bamboo shoots. People tend to go deeper into the mountains this year than last year and get lost.

 

添削

 

In the northern part of Nagano Prefecture, the a number of people lost their way or found themselves in trouble accidents is increasing1 when people they go went into the mountains looking for edible bamboo shoots this year2. The Nagano Prefectural Police says that they rescued nine cases parties3 of 16 people just in May and June alone. The number of people they rescued This was much larger than just two cases parties of three people they rescued last year. The main reason for the larger number of incidents this year4 is the poor crop of edible bamboo shoots. People tend to go deeper into the mountains this year than last year and get lost.

 

コメント

 

1.       「入山者の遭難」は遭難の内容が具体的にわからないので英語で表現するのが難しいですね。文脈からあまり深刻な遭難ではないようなので添削のようにしました。日本文ではごく普通に使っている言葉ですが、考えてみると曖昧な内容の言葉ですね。

 

2.       マーチンさんは「タケノコ採り」を上手に説明しています。キノコ採りは世界のいろいろなところで行われていて mushroom huntingという語句がありますが、タケノコ採りをbamboo shoot huntingといっても英語圏の人には内容がわからないと思います。

 

3.       Casesでもよいと思いますが、9件16人なので、タケノコ採りにいった何人かのグループがグループごと道に迷ったと考えてpartiesにしました。

 

4.       日本文には「その背景には」となっていますが、マーチンさんようにこれが何を指しているか説明したほうが読者に親切だと思います。ここを単にThe main reason is ~.とすると前の文との内容の関連がすこしわかりにくくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

In the northern part of Nagano Prefecture, a number of people lost their way or found themselves in trouble when they went into the mountains looking for edible bamboo shoots this year. The Nagano Prefectural Police says that they rescued nine parties of 16 people just in May and June alone. This was much larger than just two parties of three people they rescued last year. The main reason for the larger number of incidents this year is the poor crop of edible bamboo shoots. People tend to go deeper into the mountains and get lost.

 

 

初級問題 69

 

日経新聞の調査によると今年の夏にお中元を贈る(すでに注文した)」と答えた世帯は59.7%だった。世帯主年代別に見ると、20代が32.4%で、3050.6%、4056.1%、5063.1%、6067.6%と、年代が上がるにつれて増える。昨年の調査と比べると、お中元を贈る世帯の割合は2.5ポイント低下しており、特に60代世帯は9.3ポイント低下と減少が著しい。