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初級練習問題の添削 51−60

 

初級問題 51 (25 June 03) (23 July 04) (25 August 04) (24 Aug 05) (9 Aug 06)

(23 Feb 07) (1 May 07) (31 Oct 07) (27 Dec 07) (7 Mar 08) (29 Aug 09)

(15 Apr 10) (8 Dec 10) (11 Sept 12) (18 Jan 14) (25 Apr 14)

 

初級問題 52 (25 June 03) (23 July 04) (27 August 04) (7 Sept 05) (10 Aug 06)

(23 Feb 07) (1 May 07) (1 Nov 07) (7 Jan 08) (7 Mar 08) (3 Oct 09)

(15 Apr 10) (8 Dec 10) (11 Sept 12) (24 Mar 14) (14 May 14)

 

初級問題 53 (25 June 03) (24 July 04) (30 August 04) (7 Sept 05) (11 Aug 06)

(23 Feb 07) (2 May 07) (2 Nov 07) (8 Jan 08) (8 Mar 08) (3 Oct 09)

(18 Apr 10) (9 Dec 10) (11 Sept 12) (25 Mar 14) (24 May 14)

 

初級問題 54 (25 June 03) (24 July 04) (30 August 04) (7 Sept 05) (12 Aug 06)

(23 Feb 07) (2 May 07) (3 Nov 07) (9 Jan 08) (10 Mar 08) (3 Oct 09)

(18 Apr 10) (10 Dec 10) (11 Sept 12) (20 Mar 14) (28 May 14)

 

初級問題 55 (25 June 03) (26 July 04) (1 September 04) (7 Sept 05) (23 Sept 06)

(23 Feb 07) (3 May 07) (5 Nov 07) (9 January 08) (10 Mar 08) (3 Oct 09)

(22 Apr 10) (11 Dec 10) (19 Sept 12) (26 Mar 14) (1 June 14)

 

初級問題 56 (27 June 03) (26 July 04) (7 Sept 05) (23 Sept 06) (3 March 07) (3 May 07)

                            (6 Nov 07) (10 Mar 08) (3 Oct 09) (22 Apr 10) (20 Sept 12) (5 June 14)

 

初級問題 57 (27 June 03) (28 July 04) (29 September 04) (8 September 05)

(23 Sept 06) (3 March 07) (4 May 07) (7 Nov 07) (4 Oct 09) (27 Apr 10)

(20 Sept 12) (24 Mar 14) (9 June 14)

 

初級問題 58 (27 June 03) (28 July 04) (4 October 04) (8 September 05) (28 Sept 06)

(3 March 07) (4 May 07) (8 Nov 07) (28 Jan 08) (4 Oct 09) (27 Apr 10)

(20 Sept 12) (27 Mar 14) (9 June 14)

 

初級問題 59 (27 June 03) (29 July 04) (8 September 05) (28 Sept 06) (3 March 07)

(5 May 07) (9 Nov 07) (28 Jan 08) (21 Mar 08) (4 Oct 09) (4 Apr 10)

(24 Sept 12) (13 June 14)

 

初級問題 60 (29 July 04) (8 September 05) (28 Sept 06) (3 March 07) (5 May 07)

                            (10 Nov 07) (2 Feb 08) (24 Mar 08) (4 Oct 09) (12 May 10) (1 Oct 12)

                (21 June 14)

 

初級問題 51

 

客を車いす利用者や歩行の困難な人に限った「患者限定タクシー」が、北海道内でじわりと増えてきた。規制緩和で事業に参入しやすくなった結果で、タクシー会社以外の異業種も新規開業の構えを見せている。

 

読者からの投稿 16(sasuke, 25 April 14

 

The number of care taxies which are for wheelchair users or walking difficulty people has been increasing gradually in Hokkaido. It's a result of getting easy to go into the business, due to a relaxation of regulations. Some other industries' companies seem to enter this field.

 

添削

 

The number of special care taxies which are just for people on the wheelchair users or with walking difficulty people has been increasing gradually in Hokkaido. It's a result of getting easy to go into this the business, due to a relaxation of regulations. Some companies in other industries' companies seem to be entering into this business field too.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of special taxies which are just for people on the wheelchair or with walking difficulty has been increasing gradually in Hokkaido. It's a result of getting easy to go into this business, due to a relaxation of regulations. Some companies in other industries seem to be entering into this business too .

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(文月、18 January 14

 

"Patient-only taxies" dedicated to wheelchair users or people with walking difficulty have gradually increased in Hokkaido. Boosted by the tailwind of deregulation, which eases the entry into taxi business, firms from different sectors prepare to begin new business.

 

添削

 

"Patient-only taxies" dedicated to wheelchair users or people with walking difficulty have are gradually increaseding1 in Hokkaido. Boosted by the tailwind of the deregulation of the taxi industry, which eases the entry into taxi business, firms from different sectors are prepareing2 to enter into this begin new business.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       現在進行形にすると臨場感がでます。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Patient-only taxies" dedicated to wheelchair users or people with walking difficulty are gradually increasing in Hokkaido. Boosted by the tailwind of the deregulation of the taxi industry, which eases the entry into taxi business, firms from different sectors are preparing to enter into this new business.

 

 

読者からの投稿 14(Valley winds, 11 September 12

 

The “Patient Only Taxi”, which restricts customers wheal chair users or challenged about walking, slowly increase in Hokkaido. Because deregulation helps someone compete in this industry, some companies except taxi circles intend to start up on this business.

 

添削

 

The “Patient Only Taxi”, which restricts customers to wheel1 wheal chair users or those with challenged about walking difficulty, is slowly increasing in number increase in Hokkaido. Because the recent deregulation of the taxi industry helps new comers to someone compete in this industry, some companies besides except taxi companies circles are intending to start up on this new business.

 

コメント

 

内容のおおよそは推測できますが、わからないところが数カ所あります。customers wheal chair users or challenged about walkingがわかりません。

 

1. このような間違いはスペルチェッカーではわからないので注意しましょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The “Patient Only Taxi”, which restricts customers to wheel chair users or those with  walking difficulty, is slowly increasing in number in Hokkaido. Because the recent deregulation of the taxi industry helps new comers to compete in this industry, some companies besides taxi companies are intending to start up this new business.

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(ペテルブルグ、8 December 10

 

In Hokkaido there are taxies only for whom those are wheelchair user or walk with difficulty. Recently the number of such taxies is slowly but steadily increasing. This is perhaps due to the progress in deregulation in fields of taxi business. New taxi companies are able to come into the market easier than before. Several companies on the other businesses intend to go into the market.

 

添削

 

In Hokkaido there are taxies only for whom those who use1 a are wheelchair user or walk with difficulty. Recently the number of such taxies is slowly but steadily increasing. This is perhaps due to the progress in the deregulation in the fields of taxi business. New taxi companies are able to come into the market easier than before. Several companies in on the other businesses are intending2 to go into this the market.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       ここでは二つのグループのことがのべてあるので、両者の記述を同じ形式にするとわかりやすくなります(a parallel structure)。those who use a wheelchair or walk with difficultyとすると同じ形式になります。those who are using a wheelchair or walk with difficultyとすると最初がbe動詞、次が普通の動詞、となり少し違和感が生じます。

 

2.       intend to ~はこれから起きる未来についての表現ですが、ここではare intending to ~とすると臨場感が強くなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

In Hokkaido there are taxies only for those who use a wheelchair or walk with difficulty. Recently the number of such taxies is slowly but steadily increasing. This is perhaps due to the progress in the deregulation in the field of taxi business. New taxi companies are able to come into the market easier than before. Several companies in other businesses are intending to go into this market.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(Tatsuo, 15 April 10

 

A taxi, passengers were limited only patients who are a wheel-chair users or a person hard to walk, is slightly increasing in Hokkaido. Taxi business is easy to go into, as the result of a deregulation. Now, other different kind of companies except taxi company are considering newly setting up the business.         

 

添削

 

A Ttaxies whose passengers are were limited only to people patients who are a in wheel-chairs1 users or a person and people who are hard to walk, have been steadily2 is slightly increasing in number in Hokkaido. The Tt

axi business is has become3 easy to go into, as the result of a deregulation. Now, other different kind of companies in other businesses except taxi company are considering newly setting up these special taxi businesses.         

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       A taxi, whose passengers are were limited to people only patients who are a wheel-chair usersでも分かりますが、「車椅子に乗る人」people in wheelchairsという常套句があるので添削のようにしました。

 

2.       「じわりと増えてきた」は「ゆっくりだか確実に増え続けている」という意味なので、添削のように現在完了進行形を使うとよいでしょう。

 

3.       「規制緩和で」のところは「規制緩和がすでに行われたので」ですから、現在完了形がよいです。

 

添削後の文章

 

Taxies whose passengers are limited to people in wheelchairs and people who are hard to walk, have been steadily increasing in number in Hokkaido. The taxi business has become3 easy to go into as the result of a deregulation. Now,  companies in other businesses  are considering  setting up these special taxi businesses.         

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(mxtomi, 29 August 09

 

We see in Hokkaido a steady increase in the number of “a taxi for lamish persons only” which serves exclusively people using a wheelchair or having difficulty walking. This is an effect of the deregulation that has enabled an easier entry into the taxi business than before, and prospective entrants from dissimilar industries are waiting for their chance of entry.

 

添削

 

We see in Hokkaido a steady increase in the number of “a taxi for lamish persons with walking difficulty only” which serves exclusively people using a wheelchair or having difficulty walking. This is one of the results an effect of the deregulation of the taxi industry that has enabled an easier entry into the taxi business than before., and  Now prospective entrants from dissimilar other industries are waiting for their chance of entry into this special taxi service.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが、a taxi for lamish persons onlyは日本文の内容と異なります。

 

添削後の文章

 

We see in Hokkaido a steady increase in the number of “a taxi for persons with walking difficulty only” which serves exclusively people using a wheelchair or having difficulty walking. This is one of the results of the deregulation of the taxi industry that has enabled an easier entry into the taxi business than before. Now prospective entrants from other industries are waiting for their chance of entry into this special taxi service.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(kk, 7 March 08

 

"Taxi only for patients" service, which means taxis available exclusively to wheelchair users and those who have walking difficulty, has spread across Hokkaido gradually. This phenomenon shows the effect of the deregulation for entering new business fields and various companies other than the taxi industry are ready to start operating.

 

添削

 

"Taxi only for patients only" service, which means the taxis available exclusively to wheelchair users and those who have walking difficulty, has been gradually spreading1 across Hokkaido gradually. This new service phenomenon shows the effect of the deregulation of the taxi industry that has made it easy for companies in other industries to for entering into new taxi service businesses business fields and. Now various companies in other industries than the taxi industry are ready to start operating taxis for patients only2.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、文章の後半の内容がよくわかりません。

 

1.       「じわりと増えてきた」は「だんだんと増えてきている」でしょうから、現在完了進行形がよいでしょう。

 

2.       タクシーサービスへの参入が容易になったので、タクシー業界以外の会社が「患者限定タクシー」を始めている、ということでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Taxi for patients only", which means the taxis available exclusively to wheelchair users and those who have walking difficulty, has been gradually spreading across Hokkaido. This new service shows the effect of the deregulation of the taxi industry that has made it easy for companies in other industries to enter into taxi service businesses. Now various companies in other industries are ready to start operating taxis for patients only.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(dunkel, 26 December 07

 

In Hokkaido, the number of the taxi called "Patients Only Taxi" which accept only handicapped people such as wheelchair users or having some difficulties to walk is slowly increasing. It is because many taxi companies can easily enter new business after the related regulations were loosened by the government. Now we can find some companies away from the taxi to prepare for entering this market.

 

添削

 

In Hokkaido, the number of the taxis called "Patients Only Taxi" which accept only handicapped people such as wheelchair users or those who have having some difficulties in to walking is steadily1 slowly increasing. It This2 is because many taxi companies can easily enter this new business after the related regulations were loosened by the government. Now we can also find that some companies away from the taxi businesses are to prepareing to  for entering this market.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       slowlyとすると「遅い」ということに重点が置かれるので、steadilyがよいでしょう。

 

2.       前の文の内容を指すのでthisにします。

 

添削後の文章

 

In Hokkaido, the number of taxis called "Patients Only Taxi" which accept only handicapped people such as wheelchair users or those who have some difficulties in walking is steadily  increasing. This is because many taxi companies can easily enter this new business after the related regulations were loosened by the government. Now we can also find that some companies away from taxi businesses are preparing to enter this market.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(マーチャン、31 October 07

 

The number of " patient-only taxis" which restrict customers to people who use a wheel chair or have difficulty in walking is increasing little by little in Hokkaido. Because regulations to start taxi services have been relaxed, new companies can easily join this business. Companies in different industries besides taxi services are also planning to join this new business.

 

添削

 

The number of " patient-only taxis" which restrict customers to people who use a wheel chair or have difficulty in walking is increasing little by little in Hokkaido. Because regulations to start taxi services have been relaxed, new companies can easily join1 this business. Companies in different industries besides taxi services are also planning to join this new business.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。下線部分でhave been relaxed(現在完了形)、can easily join(現在形)で、時間の順序の表現がはっきりしていますね。添削箇所はありません。

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(散歩人、1 May 07

 

"The Taxi limited to patient" which is only for a person in a wheelchair and for a person having trouble in walking has been increasing in Hokkaido. The easing of regulations has got launching of new business easy. As the result, companies of different category of business will consider whether they will penetrate the taxi market.

 

添削

 

The number of1 "The Ttaxis limited to patients only," which are is only for a person in on a the wheelchair and for a person having trouble in walking, has been increasing in Hokkaido. The easing of regulations for the taxi industry has got made it easy to launching2 of a new business easy. As the result, companies of in different category of businesses are will considering3 whether or not they will penetrate into the taxi market.

 

コメント

 

1.       I increased his salary. His salary increased.のようにincreaseは自動詞と他動詞の二つがあるので、Taxis are increasing .とすると、自動詞か他動詞(の目的語な抜けている)かはっきりしません。〜(の数が)増加する、にはThe number of taxis increased.と表現します。

 

2.       launchingと動名詞を使うよりlaunchと動詞にするほうが読みやすくなります。

 

3.       「構えを見せている」は、現在考慮している、または、計画している、are planning to enter the taxi businessほほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of " taxis limited to patients only," which are only for a person on the wheelchair and for a person having trouble walking, has been increasing in Hokkaido. The easing of regulations for the taxi industry has made it easy to launch a new business. As the result, companies in different businesses are considering whether or not they will penetrate into the taxi market.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、23 February 07

 

The number of "Only patient taxis" which restricts customers to the people who use a wheel chair and are difficult to walk is little by little increasing in Hokkaido. By reducing regulations, this is because many companies can easily join this business. Different industries besides taxi ones adopt a stance to join the new business.

 

添削

 

The number of "Only patient-only taxis" which restricts customers to the people who use a wheel chair and or have difficulty in walking1 are difficult to walk is little by little increasing little by little in Hokkaido. Because regulations to start taxi services have been relaxed2, By reducing regulations, this is because many new companies can easily join this business. Companies in Ddifferent industries besides taxi services ones are also planning3 to adopt a stance to join the this new business.

 

コメント

 

1.       people who use a wheel chairという形に合わせてor have difficulty in walkingbe動詞を普通動詞に変えました。

 

2.       「規制緩和」はタクシー業界への参入規則の緩和、だとおもいます。添削のように内容を補足するとよいでしょう。因果関係は添削のようにするとわかりやすくなります。

 

3.       「構えを見せている」は簡単に「計画している」でよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of " patient-only taxis" which restrict customers to people who use a wheel chair or have difficulty in walking is increasing little by little in Hokkaido. Because regulations to start taxi services have been relaxed, new companies can easily join this business. Companies in different industries besides taxi services are also planning to join this new business.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(tange, 9 August 06

 

The number of “Patient Only Taxi” that is a service for those who use wheel chairs or do not walk properly is increasing gradually in Hokkaido. It is the result of the relaxation of regulations that companies apart from taxi companies can start the taxi business easily. A variety of companies seem to start this business.

 

添削

 

The number of “Patient Only Taxi” that is provide1 a services for those who use wheel chairs or do can not walk properly is gradually increasing gradually2 in Hokkaido. It is the result of the relaxation of regulations that companies apart from taxi companies can start the taxi business services easily. A variety of companies seem to be getting ready start for providing these services3 this business.

 

コメント

 

1.       ここでisを使うと「患者限定タクシーは車椅子利用者のサービスである。」となります。日本文では意味が通るようですが、英文では、タクシーはサービスではない、タクシーはサービスを提供するものだ、という理屈になります。

 

2.       「動詞+副詞」という順序になる、と私も英語の授業で教わりましたが、現在では、「副詞+動詞」の順序で使った例が増えています。

 

3.       投稿のままでもよいですが、「構えを見せている」という気持ちをいれて添削のようにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of “Patient Only Taxi” that provide services for those who use wheel chairs or can not walk properly is gradually increasing in Hokkaido. It is the result of the relaxation of regulations that companies apart from taxi companies can start taxi services easily. A variety of companies seem to be getting ready for providing these services.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 24 August 05

 

The number of “patient only taxi” is increasing little by little in Hokkaido. Only wheelchair users and person who have difficulty in walking can use the taxi. The increase occurred as a result of deregulation which enabled us to easily enter into taxi business. Businesses belong to outside taxi industries ready to enter new taxi service.

 

添削

 

The number of “patient only taxi” is increasing little by little in Hokkaido. Only wheelchair users and persons1 who have difficulty in walking can use the taxi. The increase has2 occurred as a result of deregulation which enabled us enterprises3 to easily enter into taxi business. Businesses belong to outside taxi in other4 industries are ready to enter into new taxi services.

 

コメント

 

1.       wheelchair users と合わせてpersonsと複数がよいでしょう。

 

2.       現在までに起こったことなので現在完了形がよいでしょう。

 

3.       enableが他動詞なのでここに「誰か」が必要ですね。usというと、この記事を書いた人をふくめた皆になるので、もう少し限定したenterprisesのしました。

 

4.       ここでは文意からin other industriesで内容がわかると思います。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of “patient only taxi” is increasing little by little in Hokkaido. Only wheelchair users and persons who have difficulty in walking can use the taxi. The increase has occurred as a result of deregulation which enabled enterprises to easily enter into taxi business. Businesses in other industries are ready to enter into new taxi services.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3 (tama, 25 August 04)

 

The particular taxi has been increasing in Hokkaido. This taxi is the one that only people using wheel chairs or having difficulty in walking can use. Deregulation gave chance to all companies to enter into new business and has brought about such business. So other companies except taxi company have committed to establish and develop new businesses.

 

添削

 

The number of1 particular special2 taxis for physically handicapped people3 has been increasing in Hokkaido. This taxi is the one that only for people using a wheel chairs or having difficulty in walking can use. Deregulation gave a chance to all kinds of companies to enter into this new business and has already brought about several such businesses. There are more4 So other companies except other than taxi companycompanies that have committed themselves to establish and develop this business new businesses.

 

コメント

 

日本文は新聞記事の要約なのでたくさんの情報がつまっています。先ずは情報を分解して、英文で表現するために整理する必要があります。

 

客を車いす利用者や歩行の困難な人に限った患者限定タクシーが、北海道内でじわりと増えてきた。」下線の部分は日本文の特徴である長い修飾節です。英文では長い修飾節は関係代名詞を使って名詞の後ろに来ます。

 

The number of taxis that can be used only by those who are on a wheel chair or have difficulty in walking is increasing in Hokkaido.

 

しかし長い関係代名詞節が文の真ん中にあると、主語と述語動詞の距離が長くなって、文が読みにくくなります。このような時は、修飾節の内容を独立した文で表現するとよみやすくなります。

 

The number of special taxis for physically handicapped people is increasing in Hokkaido. These taxis are only for people on a wheel chair or having difficulty in walking.

 

このように二つの文にするときは最初の文でtaxisについて簡単な説明をつけておくと次の文との関連がよくなります。

 

1.       Increaseは自動詞、他動詞の両方の意味があり、自動詞ではThe temperature is increasing quickly.のように主語が増加することの内容を示しています。The taxi is increasing.とするとtaxi にはこの「増加する内容」が含まれていません。「タクシーの数」と常識的には解釈しますが、The taxi is increasing (a fare).a fareが落ちているのかなと思うへそ曲がりがいるかもしれません。これはincreaseは他動詞として使う場合が多く、読者は目的語を期待するからです。「タクシーの数」が増加するときはThe number of taxis is increasing. またはThe taxi is increasing in number. とします。

 

2.       Collins COBUILDspecialparticularの意味を次のように説明しています。

Special means different from normal. Example: So, you did not notice anything special about him?

 

You use particular to emphasize that you are talking about one thing or one kind of thing rather than other similar ones.

 

練習問題の内容ではparticularではなくて、specialになりますね。Yesterday I saw a special taxi just for physically handicapped people. This particular taxi belonged to Hokkaido Taxi Services. のような例文が作れます。

 

3.       最初の文でこのタクシーの特徴を短く説明しておくと文章全体の内容が読者にわかりやすくなります。

 

4.       前の文で規制緩和が異業種のタクシーへの参入をもたらした、と説明してあるので、この文の内容が重複にならないようにするためには、なにか新しい情報が入っていることが必要です。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of special taxis for physically handicapped people has been increasing in Hokkaido. This taxi is only for people using a wheel chair or having difficulty in walking . Deregulation gave a chance to all kinds of companies to enter into this new business and has already brought about several such businesses. There are more companies other than taxi companies that have committed themselves to establish and develop this business.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、23 July 04

 

The number of "patients-only taxies," which are exclusive to passengers in a wheelchair or with walking difficulty, is slowly increasing in Hokkaido. This is because it has become easier than before to enter the industry as a result of deregulation. Other different businesses than taxi companies are poised to start business in the taxi industry.

 

添削

 

The number of "patients-only taxies," which are exclusive1 to passengers in a wheelchair or with walking difficulty, is slowly but steadily2 increasing in Hokkaido. This is because it has become easier than before to enter the industry as a result of deregulation3. Other different bBusinesses other than taxi companies are also poised to start offering these services business in the taxi industry4.

 

コメント

 

1.       exclusiveの的確な使い方ですね。

 

2.       Slowlyだけだと「やっと増えてきた」という感じなのでslowly but steadilyとしました。

 

3.       規制緩和を主語にして次のようにも表現できます。The deregulation in the taxi industry has made it easier than before to start a new business in this industry. As a result, businesses other than a taxi company are now poised to start ~

 

4.       規制緩和でタクシー業界に新規参入が増え、新規参入者が患者限定タクシーサービスを始める、という順序でしょうが、内容をはっきりさせるためには、start offering these servicesとしたほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of "patients-only taxies," which are exclusive to passengers in a wheelchair or with walking difficulty, is slowly but steadily increasing in Hokkaido. This is because it has become easier than before to enter the industry as a result of deregulation. Businesses other than taxi companies are also poised to start offering these services business.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(ごーや、25 June 03

 

Special patients only taxis for people with walking difficulty and using wheelchairs are steadily increasing in Hokkaido. This is a result of deregulation and now companies other than taxi operators are pausing to start these special taxi services.

 

添削

 

In Hokkaido, “Patients Only” Special patients only taxis are becoming more popular1. These taxis are only for people with walking difficulty and or using a wheelchairs. are steadily increasing in Hokkaido. This is a result of deregulation easing regulations regarding taxi operations2 and now companies other than taxi operators are pausing3 planning to start these special tax services.

 

コメント

 

1.       「客を車いす利用者や歩行の困難な人に限った」という修飾節を英文でも修飾節にするとSpecial patients taxis that service only for people who have difficulty in walking or use a wheelchair…と長くなってしまいます。ごーやさんは修飾句を使って短くしています。日本文の長い修飾節は独立の文で表現すると文章が簡単になります。添削では元の日本文を二つにわけました。

 

2.       deregulationだけでも内容がわかりますが、添削では少し説明しました。プレイン・イングリッシュは簡略な表現を大切にしますが、「簡略」と「読者に親切」を秤にかければ「読者に親切」をとります。

 

3.       日本語では「かっこいいポーズをみせる」という言い方があり、「かっこのよい構えをする」の意味なので、英語でもpauseが「構える」だろう思いますが、英語のpauseは「休む、動作を一時的に中断する」の意味です。

 

添削後の文章

 

In Hokkaido, “Patients Only” taxis are becoming more popular. These taxis are only for people with walking difficulty or using a wheelchair. This is a result of easing regulations regarding taxi operations and now companies other than taxi operators are planning to start these special tax services.

 

 

初級問題 52

 

札幌の働く女性の約六割は仕事にやりがいを感じているが、管理職を目指しているのは一割未満。北海道新聞が行った「働く女性のライフスタイル調査」で、こんな結果が出た。働く理由は「生計維持」など収入目的が上位を占め、職場はお金を稼ぐ場所と割り切って、無理をせず、ほどほどの生活を楽しもうとする姿がうかがえる。

 

読者からの投稿 16(sasuke, 14 May 14

 

According to the survey of lifestyles of working women conducted by The Hokkaido Shimbun Press, about 60% of working women in Sapporo are motivated from their jobs, but those who are aiming at the manager position is less than 10%. The result of the survey shows that the major purpose of working for them is for living, they think that the workplace is only for earning and they never work hard, and they want to enjoy ordinary life.

 

添削

 

According to a the survey of lifestyles of working women conducted by The Hokkaido Shimbun Press, about 60% of working women in Sapporo are motivated from by their jobs, but less than 10%1 of them those who are aiming at the a manager position is less than 10%. The results of the survey shows that the major purpose of working women for them is for making extra money for living., tThey2 think that the workplace is only for earning income. and tThey do not think they will never work hard,. and tThey just want to enjoy ordinary their life.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       About 60 of working women  に対応してless than 10 of themを主語にします(英文の並列構造をいって、文章を読みやすくする手段です。

 

2.       三つの短い文にするとリズムが出来て読みやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to a survey of lifestyles of working women conducted by The Hokkaido Shimbun Press, about 60% of working women in Sapporo are motivated by their jobs, but less than 10%1 of them are aiming at a manager position. The results of the survey shows that the major purpose of working women is for making extra money for living. They think that  workplace is only for earning income. They do not think they will ever work hard. They just want to enjoy their life.

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(文月、24 March 14

 

According to a "Working Women's Lifestyle Survey" by the Hokkaido Shinbun, sixty percent of working women in Sapporo find their work worthwhile, but less than ten percent aim to promoted to a management position. The most common reasons to work are for the purpose of income, such as sustaining a livelihood. The survey has revealed that they consider their workplace as a place to make a living, try not to work too hard, and enjoy life moderately.

 

添削

 

According to the a "Working Women's Lifestyle Survey" by the Hokkaido Shinbun Newspaper, sixty percent of working women in Sapporo find their work worthwhile, but less than ten percent aim to get promoted to a management position. The most common reasons to work are is to earn money for the purposes of income, such as sustaining a livelihood. The survey has revealed that they consider their workplace as a place to make a living, try not to work too hard, and enjoy life moderately.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to the "Working Women's Lifestyle Survey" by the Hokkaido Shinbun Newspaper, sixty percent of working women in Sapporo find their work worthwhile, but less than ten percent aim to get promoted to a management position. The most common reasons to work is to earn money for purposes such as sustaining a livelihood. The survey has revealed that they consider their workplace as a place to make a living, try not to work too hard, and enjoy life moderately.

 

 

読者からの投稿 14(Valley winds, 11 September 12

 

About 60 percent of working women in Sapporo City felt challenge against their job, according to “The Survey of Lifestyle of Working Women” by the Hokkaido Newspaper. The report showed that they worked mainly to cover the cost of living, whose purposes took the major post in the ranking and suggested that they were practical about that workplaces were places to get money and intended to enjoy life naturally and ordinarily.

 

添削

 

About 60 percent of working women in Sapporo City felt that they had a challengeing against their job, according to “The Survey of Lifestyle of Working Women” by the Hokkaido Newspaper. The survey report showed that they worked mainly to earn money to help their family finance cover the cost of living, whose purposes took the major post in the ranking and suggested and that they were practically thinking about that their workplaces were just the places to get money and were intendeding to enjoy their life without really working hard life naturally and ordinarily.

 

コメント

 

個々の文の内容は推測出来ますが、文章全体の内容がなにについて書いてあるのかはっきりしません。日本文の内容をいくつかの項目に箇条書きにしから、それぞれを英文で表現し、そして最後に文と文とのつながりを考えて文章にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

About 60 percent of working women in Sapporo City felt that they had a challenging job, according to “The Survey of Lifestyle of Working Women” by the Hokkaido Newspaper. The survey showed that they worked mainly to earn money to help their family finance and that they were practically thinking that their workplaces were just the places to get money and were intending to enjoy their life without really working hard .

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(ペテルブルグ、8 December 10

 

About 60 of working women find their job worth doing. However the proportion of those who are seeking promotion is fewer than 10%. This is one of results of a survey about lifestyle of working women which was conducted by the Hokkaido Shinbun. The reason they work is mainly getting income. They are likely to enjoy their private life, while considering workplace as a place where they make just earnings but not they worry about the work so seriously.

 

添削

 

About 60 percent1 of working women in the City of Sapporo find their jobs worth doing. However, less than 10 percent2 of them the proportion of those who are seeking promotion is fewer than 10%. This is was one of the results of a survey about lifestyles of working women which was conducted by the Hokkaido Shinbun Newspaper3. The reason they work is mainly getting income. They are likely to enjoy their private life, while considering workplace as a place where they just earn money make just earnings but not the place4 where they worry about their work so seriously.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       短い文章の中では英語綴りがよいでしょう。

 

2.       前の文と同じ構造(並行構造)にすると読みやすくなります。

 

3.       この英文の読者に英語圏の人を想定しているのでNewspaperを入れます。

 

4.       ここも文の前半と並行構造にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

About 60 percent of working women in the City of Sapporo find their jobs worth doing. However, less than 10 percent of them are seeking promotion. This was one of the results of a survey about lifestyles of working women which was conducted by the Hokkaido Shinbun Newspaper. The reason they work is mainly getting income. They are likely to enjoy their private life, while considering workplace as a place where they just earn money but not the place where they worry about their work seriously.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(Tatsuo, 15 April 10

 

Over 60% of women who are working in Sapporo City have had worth doing their work. However, there are only less 10% women pursuing a management carrier. Hokkaido Shimbun conducted a survey, “The investigation about life style of the working women”, showed the undermentioned resolutions. Most of women are considering the reason why they have to work to get income because of maintaining their life. Furthermore, those women are thinking their workplace where is only a place earning money, so that they try to avoid overworking. In conclusion, we can understand the current women’s life style from this survey that they want to enjoy their life moderately.

 

添削

 

Over 60% percent1 of women who are working in Sapporo City have had jobs worth doing their work2. However, there are only less 10% percent of women pursuing a management carrier. The Hokkaido Shimbun Newspaper3 conducted a survey, “The investigation about the life style of the working women”, and showed the above –under mentioned results resolutions. Most of working women said4 that are considering the main reason why they have to worked was to get income to support because of maintaining their life. Furthermore, they said that those women are thinking their workplace where is was only  just a place to earning money., sSo that they tryied to avoid working too much overworking. In conclusion, we can understand the current women’s life style of working women from this survey that they don’t want to work so hard at their workplaces and rather want to enjoy their easy life style moderately.

 

コメント

 

英文の構造に数箇所問題がありますが、文章全体の意味は大体推測できます。

 

1.       パーセントが文章に二箇所しかでてきませんから、%ではなくpercentとするのがよいでしょう。たくさん出てくるときは%と記号表記したほうが文章が短くなります。

 

2.       He thinks he has a worthwhile job. He thinks that his job is worthwhile doing.というように表現します。

 

3.       Shimbunは日本語ですから、the Hokkaido Shimbun Newspaperとします。

 

4.       ここは調査の結果を直接引用しているので、英文では動詞の時制の一致で過去形で表現します。

 

添削後の文章

 

Over 60percent of women who are working in Sapporo City have jobs worth doing. However, there are less 10 percent of women pursuing a management carrier. The Hokkaido Shimbun Newspaper conducted a survey, “The investigation about the life style of working women”, and showed the above–mentioned results . Most working women said that the main reason why they worked was to get income to support their life. Furthermore, they said that their workplace was just a place to earn money. So they tried to avoid working too much. In conclusion, we can understand the life style of working women from this survey that they don’t want to work so hard at their workplaces and rather want to enjoy their easy life style .

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(mxtomi, 3 October 09

 

According to a survey conducted by The Hokkaido Shimbun on lifestyles of working women in Sapporo, fewer than 10% of them are hoping for getting promoted to a managerial position, whereas about 60% are thinking their jobs worthwhile. As to reasons for them to work, ranked high are those related to earning money, such as “making their living”. The result of the survey seems to vividly illustrate the image of contemporary working women who, thinking that the office is merely a place to earn money, do not devote themselves entirely to their work and instead enjoy living a decent life.

 

添削

 

According to a survey conducted by The Hokkaido Shimbun on lifestyles of working women in Sapporo, fewer than 10% of them want to1 are hoping for getting promoted to a managerial position, while2 whereas about 60% think are thinking their jobs worthwhile. As to reasons for them to work, ranked high are those related to earning money, such as “making their living”. The results of the survey seems to vividly illustrate the image of contemporary working women who, thinking that the office is merely a place to earn money, do not devote themselves entirely to their work and instead place3 a more emphasis on enjoying living a decent lifestyle.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       hoping for ~ですと、「〜したら良いな」という感じです。ここは「管理職になりたい」と言い切ったほうが良いでしょう。現在進行形より現在形で言い切ったほうが印象が強くなります。

 

2.       文の前半の内容との関係で、「働く女性の6割が仕事に生きがいを感じているのでもかかわらず、たった10パーセントしか管理職を目指さない。」というように後半を続けると論理的にわかりやすくなります。

 

3.       前半と較べて後半が短いのでこのような説明を加えるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to a survey conducted by The Hokkaido Shimbun on lifestyles of working women in Sapporo, fewer than 10% of them want to get promoted to a managerial position, while about 60% think their jobs worthwhile. As to reasons for them to work, ranked high are those related to earning money, such as “making their living”. The results of the survey seems to vividly illustrate the image of contemporary working women who, thinking that the office is merely a place to earn money, do not devote themselves entirely to their work and instead place a more emphasis on enjoying a decent lifestyle.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(kk, 7 March 08

 

A survey conducted by the Hokkaido Newspaper about lifestyle of working women in Sapporo showed the following results : about 60% of them feel their jobs are satisfying enough, but less than 10% of them are hoping to move up into management positions. As the reason they work for, earning money for bread and butter, or whatever ranks high. It seems to imply that many of them consider their work as a means of earning money, and want to enjoy their lives as much as they can rather than work single-mindedly.

 

添削

 

A survey conducted by the Hokkaido Newspaper about lifestyles of working women in Sapporo showed the following results : about 60% of them feel their jobs are satisfying enough, but less than 10% of them are hoping to move up into management positions. As Among the reasons they work for, earning money for bread and butter, or whatever1 ranks high. It This2 seems to imply that many of them consider their work as a means of earning money, and want to enjoy their lives as much as they can rather than work single-mindedly3.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       or whateverの意味がわかりません。

 

2.       前の文の内容を指すのでthisにします。

 

3.       「職場はお金を稼ぐ場所と割り切って、無理をせず、ほどほどの生活を楽しもうとする姿がうかがえる。」はこなれた日本語表現なので英文で表現しようとすると難しいですね。rather than work single-mindedlyは上手な表現ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey conducted by the Hokkaido Newspaper about lifestyles of working women in Sapporo showed the following results: about 60% of them feel their jobs are satisfying enough, but less than 10% of them are hoping to move up into management positions. Among the reasons they work for, earning money for bread and butter ranks high. This seems to imply that many of them consider their work as a means of earning money, and want to enjoy their lives as much as they can rather than work single-mindedly.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(dunkel, 7 January 07

 

The Hokkaido Shinbun announced the result of their survey about the lifestyle of working women in Sapporo City. This survey showed that even though about sixty percents of working women think that their job are worth the work, less than ten percents of them want to get a management position. Most of working women also think that they work only for money to live. In conclusion, they want to work less hard and enjoy their private life in moderation.

 

添削

 

The Hokkaido Shimnbun Newspaper1 announced the result of their survey about the lifestyle of working women in Sapporo City. This The survey showed that even though about sixty percents2 of the working women think that their jobs are worth doing the work3, less than ten percents of them want to get a management position. Most of the working women also think that they work only for money for their living4 to live. In conclusion, they want to work at their pace less hard and enjoy their modest private life in moderation.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります(推察できます)。

 

1.       per cent (percent)は単数と複数が同じ形でsを付けません。

 

2.       「仕事にやりがいを感じる」は新聞だということを英文で表現します。英語名を使うときは発音を考慮してshimbunmにしている新聞社が多いです。

 

3.       内容が多用なので英文で表現するのが難しいですね。I am satisfied with my job. I feel that my job is worth devoting my life. I think my job is socially important. などなどいろいろな表現があるでしょう。

 

4.       「生活維持のために働く」も内容がいろいろありますね。Both my wife and I have to work to support our family. I work to earn extra money to support my life style.など、本当に生活を維持していくために働くことから、小遣い稼ぎまでいろいろです。ここでは文脈から判断してto work for money for livingと(いろいろな場合を含めた)一般的な表現にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Hokkaido Shimbun Newspaper announced the result of their survey about the lifestyle of working women in Sapporo City. The survey showed that even though about sixty percent of the working women think that their jobs are worth doing, less than ten percent of them want to get a management position. Most of the working women also think that they work only for money for their living. In conclusion, they want to work at their pace and enjoy their modest private life.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(マーチャン、1 November 07

 

About 60 % of women who are working in Sapporo are satisfied with their work, but the women who want to become a manager are less than 10%. They were the results of a survey of life styles of working women by the Hokkaido Newspaper. The major reason why they are working is to earn money for their life. As they consider a workplace as just the place to earn money, they do not intend to work as hard as they can. From the survey, we can see that they are more concerned with enjoying their life.

 

添削

 

About 60 % of women who are working in Sapporo are satisfied with their work, but the women who want to become a manager are less than 10%. They were the results of a survey of life styles of working women by the Hokkaido Newspaper. The major reason why they are working is to earn money for their life. As they consider a workplace as just the place to earn money, they do not intend to work as hard as they can. From the survey, we can see that they are more concerned with enjoying their life than working harder for promotion.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。添削部分は無くても文脈からわかりますが、入れたほうがわかりやすくなるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

About 60 % of women who are working in Sapporo are satisfied with their work, but the women who want to become a manager are less than 10%. They were the results of a survey of life styles of working women by the Hokkaido Newspaper. The major reason why they are working is to earn money for their life. As they consider a workplace as just the place to earn money, they do not intend to work as hard as they can. From the survey, we can see that they are more concerned with enjoying their life than working harder for promotion.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(散歩人、1 May 07

 

Working ladies in Sapporo City feel satisfied with their job, however, no more than ten percent working ladies want to get a post in management. The results were reported by a survey, "Working Lady's Life Style", which Hokkaido Shinbun investigated. The high rank of the working reason is to get earnings for keeping their living. They seem to consider their office as only the place where they work, and seem to enjoy their moderate life without overdoing work.

 

添削

 

About sixty percent of Wworking ladies women in Sapporo City feel satisfied with their job,. hHowever1, no more less than ten percent of them working ladies want to get a post position in management. These results were reported by a survey, "Working Women’s Lady's Life Style", which Hokkaido Shinbun investigated conducted. The high rank of the main reason for working reason is2 to get money to support earnings for keeping their lifestyle3 living. They seem to consider their office working place just as only the a place where they work earn money, and seem to enjoy their moderate life without overdoing working too hard.

 

添削

 

1.       howeverは文をつなぐ接続詞には使わないで(このような場合はbutを使います)新しい文にします。

 

2.       「働く理由は生計維持など収入目的が上位を占め」は細かく考えると難しい(曖昧な)内容ですね。「収入目的」以外の目的もこの調査には選択肢として入っていて、また「収入目的」も細分化されていて、「生計維持」、「趣味に使う余分の収入を得る」とかあるのかもしれません。このようなことは日本文からはわかりません。The answers that ranked high in the survey for the reason for working included A.とすると日本文の内容に近くなりますが、ここではThe main reason for working is A.と簡単に表現してよいでしょう。

 

3.       「生活維持」というとto support their livingでしょうが、日本文には「ほどほどの生活を楽しもう」という生活維持と矛盾しているように見えることも書いてあるので、添削ではこちらを取って、to support their lifestyleにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

About sixty percent of working women in Sapporo City feel satisfied with their job. However,  less than ten percent of them want to get a position in management. These results were reported by a survey, "Working Women’s Life Style", which Hokkaido Shinbun conducted. The main reason for working is to get money to support their lifestyle. They seem to consider their working place just as a place where they earn money and seem to enjoy their moderate life without working too hard.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、23 February 07

 

About 60 % of women who are working in Sapporo are satisfied with their work, but the women who want to be a manager are less than 10%. The survey of life style of working women by the Hokkaido newspaper showed the following results. The reasons why they are working are to earn money for their life. They occupied the upper ranks. As they consider workplaces as just the place to earn money, they do not intend to work forcedly. We can see their pose to try to properly enjoy their life.

 

添削

 

About 60 % of women who are working in Sapporo are satisfied with their work1, but the women who want to be become a manager are less than 10%. They were the results2 of a The survey of life styles of working women by the Hokkaido nNewspaper. showed the following results. The major3 reasons why they are working are is to earn money for their life. They occupied the upper ranks. As they consider a workplaces as just the place to earn money, they do not intend to work forcedly as hard as they can. From the survey, Wwe can see that their pose to try to properly they are more concerned with enjoying their life4.

 

コメント

 

1.       「仕事にやりがいを感じている」をthey are satisfied with their workと表現したのは簡潔でよいですね。

 

2.       文章の始めに調査の結果の一部が書いてあるので添削のようにするとよいでしょう。この文の後にまた結果の続きを書けばよいです。

 

3.       「働く理由は生計維持など収入目的が上位を占め」は調査票に理由を選ぶところがあって、これを集計すると、上位は「生計維持」、「不時の備え」などが占めたということでしょう。この内容を英文で表現すると、Earning money for such a purpose as maintaining their lifestyles ranked at the upper part of the reasons for working.となるでしょうが、添削のようにThe major reason ~とすると簡単でしょう。他人の書いた文章の内容を推測して英文で表現するので、原文の意味が曖昧なときは、自分流に解釈して英文で表現するのがよいでしょう。

 

4.       「ほどほどの生活を楽しもうとする姿がうかがえる」もいろいろな解釈ができます。一つの解釈として添削のようにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

About 60 % of women who are working in Sapporo are satisfied with their work, but the women who want to become a manager are less than 10%. They were the results of a  survey of life styles of working women by the Hokkaido Newspaper. The major reason why they are working is to earn money for their life. As they consider a workplace as just the place to earn money, they do not intend to work as hard as they can. From the survey, we can see that they are more concerned with enjoying their life.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(tange, 10 August 06

 

About 60 % of women working in Sapporo are feeling their job is worth to do but those who is challenging to be in management posts is 10 % and below. According to “ the survey of Life Style for Working Women” by Hokkaido Shinbun showed this result. “For bread and butter” ranked high in the reason of working. It seems that they think the working place is a place for getting living expenses and they enjoy their lives that they can bite.

 

添削

 

About 60 % of women working in Sapporo are feeling their job is worth to do but those who is are challenging to be move up to1 in management posts is are less than 10 % and below. This is the result of2 According to “ the sSurvey of Life Style for of Working Women” by Hokkaido Shinbun showed this result. “For earning bread and butter” ranked high in the reasons for of working. This It seems to indicate3 that they working women think the working place is just a place for getting earning living expenses and they want to enjoy their lives that they can bite.

 

コメント

 

1.       move up to ~としたほうが文に動きがでます。

 

2.       This is the result of ~を文の最初に置いたほうが文の形が整います。投稿文の形を使うときはThe Survey of ~showed the resultとなります。According to ~を入れると主語が無くなってしまいます。

 

3.       It seems that ~とすると話が一般的になってしまうので、前の調査結果との連関を保ってThis seems to indicate that ~とするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

About 60 % of women working in Sapporo are feeling their job is worth to do but those who are challenging to move up to management posts are less than 10 % . This is the result of  “ the Survey of Life Style of Working Women” by Hokkaido Shinbun. “For earning bread and butter” ranked high in the reasons for working. This seems to indicate that working women think the working place is just a place for earning living expenses and want to enjoy their lives that they can bite.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 7 September 05

 

About 60% of working women living in Sapporo feel challenging in their works. On the other hand, only less than 10% of them aim at managing job. The survey about working women’s life style done by the Hokkaido Shimbun announced that outcome. Income, like maintaining of life ranked the top reason for working. We can see their thought that office is the place for making money, take it easy and enjoy moderate life.

 

添削

 

About 60% of working women living in Sapporo feel that their jobs are challenging1 in their works. On the other hand, only2 less than 10% of them aim at managing jobs. The survey about life styles of3 working women’s life style done by the Hokkaido Shimbun announced that outcome this result. Income Making money for bread and butter and other expenses4, like maintaining of life ranked as the top reason for working. From the survey results5, We we can see that working women think their thought that office their working place is the place for making money, and want to take it easy and enjoy a moderate lifestyle.

 

コメント

 

1.       I challenge somebody/something. で「わたしは誰かにBに異議を申し立てる、わたしは(何か困難な問題に)挑戦する」となるのでWorking women feel challenging their jobs.という形になります。a challenging jobと形容詞として使うと「困難な仕事」という意味になりますから、添削のようにしました。「チャレンジ」は日本語で「新しくて気持ちが湧き立つようなもの」という意味で使われますが、英語では「困難な」という意味が強いです。that their jobs are interestingぐらいが良いかもしれません。

 

2.       only 10 percentまたはless than 10 percentがよいでしょう。only less than 10 percentとするとonly の「少ないが〜だけ有る」とless thanの「〜しか無い」が重なって読み難くなります。

 

3.       working women’s life stylesでも意味はわかりますが、名詞が連なる複合名詞は英文では避けたほうがよいでしょう。四拍子のメロディーの中に三連音符が入っていて、文の拍子が乱れる、というように感じます。また複合名詞は名詞の間の関連が曖昧になり、意味がはっきりしなくなる傾向もあります。

 

4.       「収入が仕事を続ける目的のトップに来た」は「収入を得ることが仕事を続ける目的のトップに来た」とすると内容がわかりやすくなります。また、「生計のために」はfor bread and butterという常套句があるので使いました。

 

5.       前の文との関連をつけるために、From the survey resultsのような句を入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

About 60% of working women living in Sapporo feel that their jobs are challenging. On the other hand, less than 10% of them aim at managing jobs. The survey about life styles of working women done by the Hokkaido Shimbun announced this result. Making money for bread and butter and other expenses ranked as the top reason for working. From the survey results, we can see that working women think that their working place is the place for making money and want to take it easy and enjoy a moderate lifestyle.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3 (tama, 27 August 04)

 

A survey conducted by the Hokkaido Shinbun, " the life-style of working women" reported as follows; about sixty percent of working women in Sapporo are satisfied with their job but less than ten percent of them aim at management position. Earning money, including keeping their household income, ranks in the top of the reason why they work. The result shows they tend to reasonably and moderately enjoy their own life and think practically workplace is the place to earn money.

 

添削

 

A survey conducted by the Hokkaido Shinbun, " the life-style of working women," reported as follows; the following:1 about sixty percent of working women in Sapporo are satisfied with their jobs but less than ten percent of them are aiming2 at management positions. Earning money, including keeping supplementing their household income, ranks in at the top of the reasons why they work. The results shows that3 they working women tend want to reasonably and moderately enjoy their own life4 and think regard5 practically workplace is as just the place to earn money.

 

コメント

 

1.       The results of a survey by the Hokkaido Shinbun are reported as follows:~またはThe results of a survey by the Hokkaido Shinbun show the following:~となります。

 

2.       Aim atでもよいですが、are aiming atとすると内容が生き生きします。

 

3.       長いthat節はthatを入れておくほうが文のバランスがよくなります。

 

4.       「ほどほどの生活を楽しもうとする。」の内容を英語で表現するが難しいです。日本人読者は「ほどほどの生活」について、漠然としてはいても、なにかイメージが浮かびますが、こういう共通体験を持たない読者に具体的に「ほどほどの生活」を説明すると長くなります。「ほどほどの生活を楽しむ」 enjoy a moderate lifestyleとするより、tamaさんのように「それぞれの人生をほどほどに楽しむ」moderately enjoy their own lifeのほうがわかりやすいでしょうね。

 

5.       投稿では一つの文にthat節が二重になっているので、添削のようにしてthat節が並列に二つ並ぶようにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey conducted by the Hokkaido Shinbun, " the life-style of working women," reported  the following: about sixty percent of working women in Sapporo are satisfied with their jobs but less than ten percent of them are aiming at management positions. Earning money, including supplementing their household income, ranks at the top of the reasons why they work. The results show that working women want to moderately enjoy their own life and regard workplace as just the place to earn money.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、23 July 04

 

About 60% of the working women in Sapporo think it worthwhile to have a job, but less than 10% aim to get promoted to the managerial positions. This was the result of "the study on the life styles of working women" conducted by The Hokkaido Newspaper.  Income-oriented motives such as "to make a living" ranked high in the reasons for working given in the study. We can assume from this fact that the women consider workplaces as nothing but places for earning money, avoid biting off more than they can chew and try to enjoy leading a moderate life.

 

添削

 

About 60% of the working women in Sapporo think it worthwhile to have a job1,2 but less than 10% of them aim to get promoted to the for3 managerial positions. This was the result of "the study on the life styles of working women" conducted by The Hokkaido Newspaper.  Income-oriented motives such as "to make a living" ranked high in the reasons for working given in the study. We can assume from this fact that the women consider a workplaces as nothing but a places for earning money, avoiding biting off more than they can chew4, and try to enjoy leading a moderate life style.

 

コメント

 

1.       「仕事にやりがいを感じている」をthink it worthwhile to have a job(仕事に時間を割くことにも価値がある)という表現もあるのですね。

 

2.       内容が続いているのでカンマは無いほうが良いでしょう。

 

3.       このように簡単になります。

 

4.       この節は前にかかるので、コンマで囲うとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

About 60% of the working women in Sapporo think it worthwhile to have a job but less than 10% of them aim for managerial positions. This was the result of "the study on the life styles of working women" conducted by The Hokkaido Newspaper. Income-oriented motives such as "to make a living" ranked high in the reasons for working given in the study. We can assume from this fact that the women consider a workplace as nothing but a place for earning money, avoiding biting off more than they can chew, and try to enjoy leading a moderate life style.

 

読者からの投稿 1(ごーや、25 June 03

 

The sixty percent of working women in Sapporo find their work satisfying. Yet only ten percent of them are aspiring to become managers. They mainly work for earning money to support their living. These are some results from a lifestyle survey conducted by the Hokkaido Newspaper. Most working women regard their working place jus a place to earn money and do not feel like putting all their energy into their work. They rather prefer enjoy their snug lifestyle with their moderate income.

 

添削

 

The sixty Sixty percent of working women in Sapporo find their work satisfying. Yet yet only ten percent of them are aspiring aspire to become a managers. They mainly work mainly for to earn earning enough money to support their living lifestyles1. These are some of the results from a lifestyle survey conducted by the Hokkaido Newspaper. Most From these results, we can see that2 most working women regard their working place as just a place to earn money and do not feel like putting all their energy into their work. They would rather prefer to enjoy their snug lifestyle with their a moderate income.

 

コメント

 

1.       ごーやさんは日本文の中の調査の結果と結果の解釈を二つに分けて英文をわかりやすくしています。

 

2.       ごーやさんの文はすっきりしていて良いと思いますが、添削ではここから後半はこの記事を書いた人の感想だということをはっきりさせるために、From these results, we can see that…をいれました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Sixty percent of working women in Sapporo find their work satisfying yet only ten percent of them aspire to become a manager. They work mainly to earn enough money to support their  lifestyles. These are some of the results from a lifestyle survey conducted by the Hokkaido Newspaper. From these results, we can see that most working women regard their working place as just a place to earn money and do not feel like putting all their energy into their work. They would rather enjoy their snug lifestyle with a moderate income.

 

 

初級問題 53

 

JR東日本が上越新幹線で実施している高速試験で4月6日までに、営業用車両で国内最高の時速360キロを達成した。これまで試験用車両でJR東海が最高443キロを記録したことがあるが、営業用の車両を使った試験では1991年の345.8キロが最高だった。

 

読者からの投稿 16(sasuke, 25 May 14

 

High-speed running trial which is examined on the Joetsu Shinkansen by East Japan Railway Company recorded the highest speed, 360-kilometer per hour as a business use train until April 6. So far, a test train has reached 443-kilometer per hour in Central Japan Railway Company, but the record of business use train was 345.8-kilometer per hour which was recorded in 1991.

 

添削

 

While a Hhigh-speed test of a shinkansen train running trial which is examined on the Joetsu Shinkansen, by East Japan Railway East Company1 recorded the highest speed of, 360-kilometers per hour for a commercial model shinkansen as a business use train by until April 6. So far, a special test train has had reached 443-kilometers per hour by in Central Japan Railway Tokai Company, but for the commercial model shinkansen train, the record of business use train was 345.8-kilometers per hour which was recorded in 19912.

 

コメント

 

内容の概要はわかりますが、細かな所が曖昧です。

 

1.       主語を会社にしたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       A special test traina commercial model shinkansen trainと対比させるとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

While a high-speed test of a shinkansen train on the Joetsu Shinkansen, Japan Railway East Company recorded the highest speed of 360-kilometers per hour for a commercial model shinkansen train by April 6. So far, a special test train had reached 443-kilometers per hour by Japan Railway Tokai Company, but for the commercial model shinkansen train, the record was 345.8-kilometers per hour in 1991.

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(文月、25 March 14

 

JR East has achieved the fastest speed of operating trains in Japan, 360 kilometers per hour, in a high-speed test with Joetsu Sinkansen by April 6. Although a test train of JR Tokai has ever recorded 443 kilometers per hour, the maximum speed of operating trains has been 345.8 kilometers per hour since 1991.

 

添削

 

JR East has achieved the fastest speed of operating trains in Japan, 360 kilometers per hour, in a high-speed test on the with Joetsu Sinkansen line by April 6. Although a test train of JR Tokai has ever recorded 443 kilometers per hour, the maximum speed of operating trains has had1 been 345.8 kilometers per hour since 1991.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       April 6がこの記事が出た時点で過去なので、この過去より遡っているので時制が一つ前になりhad been とすると時間の関係がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

JR East has achieved the fastest speed of operating trains in Japan, 360 kilometers per hour, in a high-speed test on the h Joetsu Sinkansen line by April 6. Although a test train of JR Tokai recorded 443 kilometers per hour, the maximum speed of operating trains had been 345.8 kilometers per hour since 1991.

 

 

読者からの投稿 14(Valley winds, 11 September 12

 

A commercial train of JR East Japan achieved 360 kilometers per hour by April 6, which was nation’s highest, during their high speed test for the Jyoetsu Shinkansen. While a test train of JR Tokai had ever recorded 444 kilometers per hour, a commercial train on the test had recorded 345.8 kilometers per hour as the highest speed on 1991.

 

添削

 

A commercial train of JR East Japan achieved 360 kilometers per hour, the fastest record, by April 6, which was nation’s highest, during the their high speed test on for the Jyoetsu Shinkansen Line by April 6. While a special test train of JR Tokai had ever recorded 444 kilometers per hour, a commercial train on the test had recorded 345.8 kilometers per hour as the fastest highest speed record in on 1991.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A commercial train of JR East Japan achieved 360 kilometers per hour, the fastest record,  during the high speed test on the Jyoetsu Shinkansen Line by April 6. While a special test train of JR Tokai recorded 444 kilometers per hour, a commercial train recorded 345.8 kilometers per hour as the fastest record in 1991.

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(ペテルブルグ、9 December 10

 

At high speed test of bullet train on Joetsu-Sinkansen conducted by East Japan Railway Company a commercial train has achieved the highest speed 360Km per hour. Tokai Railway Company achieved the highest speed 443Km per hour already, which however was realized by a test train. The highest speed at a speed test using a commercial train was 345,8Km per hour so far.

 

添削

 

At a high speed test of the bullet train on the Joetsu-Sinkansen line conducted by East Japan Railway Company, a commercial train has achieved the highest speed 360 kilometers (Km) per hour. Tokai Railway Company achieved the highest speed 443 Km per hour already, which however was realized by a special test train. For the commercial train1, Tthe highest speed at a speed test using a commercial train was 345.,8 Km per hour so far.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       こうしたほうが文がすっきしりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

At a high speed test of the bullet train on the Joetsu-Sinkansen line conducted by East Japan Railway Company, a commercial train has achieved the highest speed 360 kilometers (Km) per hour. Tokai Railway Company achieved the highest speed 443 Km per hour already, which however was realized by a special test train. For the commercial train, the highest speed was 345.8 Km per hour so far.

 

 

読者から投稿 12(Tatsuo, 18 April 10

 

Japan Railway East, JR East, has implemented a high-speed test on the Jyoetsu bullet train line. A train for a business use recorded the highest speed that 360 kilometer per hour was the maximum speed of the train of Japan. Before, a test train owned by JR Tokai recorded the highest speed 443 kilometer per hour. As for a business-use train recorded 345.8 Kilometer per hour in 1991.   

 

添削

 

Japan Railway East, (JR East), has been conducting implemented a high-speed train test on the Jyoetsu bullet train line. By April 6, a A commercial train for a business use recorded the highest speed of that 360 kilometers per hour. was the maximum speed of the train of Japan. In the past, Before, a test train owned by JR Tokai recorded the highest speed of 443 kilometers per hour. As for a commercial business-use train, however, the highest speed was recorded 345.8 Kkilometers per hour recorded in 1991.   

 

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、三つのスピードの関係がはっきりしません。この文章で一番大切はことだけを一つの文で表現するとしたら、By April 6, JR East’s commercial train recorded the highest speed of 360 kilometers per hour.でしょう。この文を文章の中心にするとわかりやすくなるでしょう。

 

1.       the highest speedを主語にするとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japan Railway East (JR East) has been conducting a high-speed train test on the Jyoetsu bullet train line. By April 6, a commercial train recorded the highest speed of 360 kilometers per hour. In the past, a test train owned by JR Tokai recorded the highest speed of 443 kilometers per hour. As for a commercial train, however, the highest speed was 345.8 kilometers per hour recorded in 1991.   

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(mxtomi, 3 October 09

 

As of April 6th, JR East has attained a record-high speed of 360 kilometer per hour (km/h) during its test run of the Shinkansen bullet train at Joetsu line. The previous record set with a commercial passenger train was 345.8km/h in 1991. For reference, the highest speed attained with a test train is 443km/h marked by JR Tokai.

 

添削

 

As of April 6th, JR East has attained a record-high speed of 360 kilometer per hour (km/h) during its test run of the for its Shinkansen bullet train during its test run at the Joetsu line. The previous record for set with a commercial passenger train was 345.8km/h in 1991. For reference, the fastest highest speed attained by with a test train is 443km/h marked by JR Tokai.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

As of April 6th, JR East has attained a record speed of 360 kilometer per hour (km/h) for its Shinkansen bullet train during its test run at the Joetsu line. The previous record for a commercial passenger train was 345.8km/h in 1991. For reference, the fastest speed attained by a test train is 443km/h marked by JR Tokai.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(kk, 8 March 08

 

East JR Co. recorded the highest speed of 360 km/hr in Japan with a commercial passenger train in the speed test on the Joetsu Shinkansen line by April 6. Until then, Central JR Co. had recorded the highest speed of 443 km/hr with a test train, but with a commercial passenger train, the speed of 345.8 km/hr recorded in 1991 had been the highest ever.

 

添削

 

JR East JR Co. recorded achieved the fastest highest speed of 360 kilometers per hour1 km/hr in Japan for with a commercial passenger train in the speed test on the Joetsu Shinkansen line by April 6. Until then, Central JR Central Co. had recorded the fastest highest speed record of 443 kilometers per hour km/hr for with a test train, but for with a commercial passenger train, the speed of 345.8 kilometers per hour km/hr recorded in 1991 had been the fastest highest ever.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       文章に初出のときはkilometers per hourとするのがよいでしょう。kilometers per hour (km/hr)として2回目以降は省略して記述する方法もありますが、私の好みは添削のようです。

 

添削後の文章

 

JR East achieved the fastest speed of 360 kilometers per hour in Japan for a commercial passenger train in the speed test on the Joetsu Shinkansen line by April 6. Until then, JR Central had the fastest record of 443 kilometers per hour for a test train, but for a commercial passenger train, the speed of 345.8 kilometers per hour recorded in 1991 had been the fastest ever.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(dunkel, 8 January 08

 

Japan Railway East Japan (JRE) succeeded in scoring highest speed in a high-speed experiment at Joetsu Shinkansen line until April 6. They got 360 kilometers per hour and it is the highest record in Japan with a commercial train car. JR Tokai had already scored 443 kilometers per hour but it had done by an experimental train car. As for the commercial train car, 345.8 kilometers per hour in 1991 had been the highest speed in high-speed experiments.

 

添削

 

Japan Railway East Japan (JRE) succeeded in scoring achieving the highest speed for a commercial train in Japan1 in a high-speed experiment at on the Joetsu Shinkansen line until by April 6. They got a speed of 360 kilometers per hour and it is the highest record in Japan with a commercial train car. JR Tokai East had already scored achieved 443 kilometers per hour but this was it had done by an experimental train car. As for the commercial train car, 345.8 kilometers per hour achieved in 1991 had been the highest speed in high-speed experiments.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       重要な情報なので最初の文に入れたほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japan Railway East (JRE) succeeded in achieving the highest speed for a commercial train in Japan in a high-speed experiment on the Joetsu Shinkansen line by April 6. They got a speed of 360 kilometers per hour. JR East Japan had already achieved 443 kilometers per hour but this was done by an experimental train. As for the commercial train, 345.8 kilometers per hour achieved in 1991 had been the highest speed.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(マーチャン、2 November 07

 

East Japan Railway Company achieved 360 kilometers per hour in the high speed test of a train that was performed on the Joetsu Shinkansen line until April 6. This was the fastest speed in Japan for a commercial passenger train. JR Tokai had recorded the maximum speed 443 kilometers per hour for a test train. For a commercial passenger train, however, the maximum speed was 345.8 kilometers per hour in the test conducted in1991.

 

添削

 

East Japan Railway Company achieved 360 kilometers per hour in the high speed test of a train that was performed on the Joetsu Shinkansen line until April 6. This was the fastest speed in Japan for a commercial passenger train. JR Tokai had recorded the maximum speed of 443 kilometers per hour for a test train. For a commercial passenger train, however, the maximum speed was 345.8 kilometers per hour in the test conducted in1991.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。いろいろな数字が出てきますが、内容が整理してあるのでわかりやすいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

East Japan Railway Company achieved 360 kilometers per hour in the high speed test of a train that was performed on the Joetsu Shinkansen line until April 6. This was the fastest speed in Japan for a commercial passenger train. JR Tokai had recorded the maximum speed of 443 kilometers per hour for a test train. For a commercial passenger train, however, the maximum speed was 345.8 kilometers per hour in the test conducted in1991.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(散歩人、2 May 07

 

JR East held the speed test of a Joetsu Shinkansen bullet train and a commercial train's maximum speed reached 360 kilometers per hour. As of April 6, the speed was fastest in Japan. On the other hand, a test train maximum speed is 443 kilometers per hour and it was executed by JR Tokai. The commercial train maximum speed had been 345.8 kilometer per hour and it was executed in 1991.

 

添削

 

JR East held the a speed test of a the Joetsu Shinkansen bullet train and a commercial train's maximum speed reached 360 kilometers per hour. As of April 6, the speed was the fastest for a commercial train1 in Japan. For a special test train, On the other hand2, JR Tokai achieved3 a the test train maximum speed is of 443 kilometers per hour and it was executed by JR Tokai. For a The commercial train, however, the maximum speed had been 345.8 kilometer per hour that4 and it was achieved executed in 1991.

 

添削

 

1.       この文章では営業用車両と試験用車両の区別をはっきりさせることが大切です。それぞれの最高速度がどちらの車両のものかわかるようにするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       On one hand, A. On the other hand, B.は二つの対比したものを記述するときに使います。On one handは省略されることもあります。この問題の例の使い方はこの例ですが、添削ではFor a special test trainを文頭に置いたので、on the other handは要らなくなりました。またこのために主語をJR Tokaiに変更しました。

 

3.       ここでは関係代名詞を使って文の前半との関連を強くするのがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

JR East held a speed test of the Joetsu Shinkansen bullet train and a commercial train's maximum speed reached 360 kilometers per hour. As of April 6, the speed was the fastest for a commercial train in Japan. For a special test train, JR Tokai achieved the maximum speed of 443 kilometers per hour. For a commercial train, however, the maximum speed had been 345.8 kilometer per hour that was achieved in 1991.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、23 February 07

 

East Japan Railway Company achieved 360 kilometers per hour in the high speed test t hat was performed on the Joetsu Shinkansen line by April 6. This was the fastest speed in Japan as a commercial passenger train. JR Tokai had ever recorded the maximum speed 443 kilometers per hour by using a testing car. The maximum speed was 345.8 kilo meters per hour in the test that used a commercial passenger train in 1991.

 

添削

 

East Japan Railway Company achieved 360 kilometers per hour in the high speed test of a train that was performed on the Joetsu Shinkansen line by until1 April 6. This was the fastest speed in Japan as for a commercial passenger train. JR Tokai had ever recorded the maximum speed 443 kilometers per hour by for using a testing car train. For a commercial passenger train, however2, Tthe maximum speed was 345.8 kilo meters per hour in the test conducted that used a commercial passenger train in 1991.

 

コメント

 

1.       「4月6日までに〜した」という言い方が新聞記事によくあります。4月6日まで何日かテストをしていて、その期間のある日に〜した、ということでしょう。4月6日に〜をした、とあれば正確なのですが、何日かわからないので、添削のようにしました。

 

2.       前の文の最後のfor a test trainと対比させるために、For a commercial passenger train, however,と文頭に置くとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

East Japan Railway Company achieved 360 kilometers per hour in the high speed test of a train that was performed on the Joetsu Shinkansen line until April 6. This was the fastest speed in Japan for a commercial passenger train. JR Tokai had recorded the maximum speed 443 kilometers per hour for a test train. For a commercial passenger train, however, the maximum speed was 345.8 kilometers per hour in the test conducted in1991.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(tange, 11 August 06

 

East Japan Railway Company tested a maximum speed of the Joestu bullet train. By 6 April they achieved to speed up to 360kilometers per hour that was the fastest speed of commercial cars Japan ever had. Central Japan Railway Company had recorded 443kilometers per hour but the cars were for testing. When Central Japan Railway Company used a commercial car, 345.8 kilometers per hour was recorded as the fastest speed in 1991.

 

添削

 

East Japan Railway Company tested a maximum speed of the Joestu bullet train1. By 6 April sixth they achieved to speed run the train up to 360 kilometers per hour that was the fastest speed of commercial model trains cars Japan had ever had achieved. Central Japan Railway Company had recorded 443 kilometers per hour but they used an experimental model2 the cars were for testing. When Central Japan Railway Company used a commercial carmodel, 345.8 kilometers per hour was recorded as the fastest speed in 1991.

 

コメント

 

1.       JR東日本、JR東海、営業用車両、試験用車両と紛らわしい名前が幾つも文章に出てくるので、内容を読者にわかりやすく整理することがこの問題で大事ですね。tangeさんは上手に整理しています。文章の最初にEast Japan Railway Company tested a maximum speed of the Joestu bullet train. と書いたので文章全体の要旨がわかりやすくなっています。また、日本文の内容を適切なところで分けて英文にしていますね。

 

2.       新幹線の営業用と試験用の車両を英文でどう表現するか難しいですね。a carは列車の一つの車両を指します。JR東海の英文ホームページでcarsという単語を使っています。新幹線は先頭車と車両が一組になっているので、an experimental model (of the train), a commercial model (of the train)としてみました。

 

添削後の文章

 

East Japan Railway Company tested a maximum speed of the Joestu bullet train. By April sixth they achieved to run the train up to 360 kilometers per hour that was the fastest speed of commercial model trains Japan had ever achieved. Central Japan Railway Company had recorded 443 kilometers per hour but they used an experimental model for testing. When Central Japan Railway Company used a commercial model, 345.8 kilometers per hour was recorded as the fastest speed in 1991.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 7 September 05

 

East JR Corp. succeeded in their speed test at Joetsu Shinkansen Bullet train to reach 360 kilometers per hour. It is the fastest speed record in Japan by using commercial train. So far, testing train recorded the fastest speed, 443 kilometers per hour, but as for commercial trains, only 345.8 kilometers per hour recorded in 1991 was the fastest.

 

添削

 

East JR Railway Corporation. succeeded in reaching 360 kilometers per hour1 in their speed test at the Joetsu Shinkansen Bullet train line to reach 360 kilometers per hour. It This is the fastest speed record in Japan by using a commercial train. So far, a test testing train has2 recorded the fastest speed, of 443 kilometers per hour, but as for commercial trains, only 345.8 kilometers per hour recorded in 1991 was the fastest.

 

コメント

 

1.       succeeded in the speed test to reach 443 kilometers per hour「スピードテストに成功して時速444キロを達成した。」よりsucceeded in reaching 443 kilometers in the speed test「スピードテストで、時速443キロの達することに成功した」のほうが時速443キロが成功の直接の対象になるのでよいでしょう。

 

2.       has recorded「既に記録している」と、現在完了形をつかうと「既に」が強調されます。

 

添削後の文章

 

East JR Railway Corporation succeeded in reaching 360 kilometers per hour in their speed test at the Joetsu Shinkansen Bullet train line. This is the fastest speed in Japan by using a commercial train. So far, a test train has recorded the fastest speed of 443 kilometers per hour, but as for commercial trains, 345.8 kilometers per hour recorded in 1991 was the fastest.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3 (tama, 30 August 04)

 

East Japan Railway Company has been conducting high speed test for Joetsu Shinkansen and as of April 6, they achieved three hundred and sixty kilometers per hour in the test with business use carriages. The carriages achieved at up to 345.8 kilometers per hour in 1991. On the other hand, Japan Railway Company had achieved the fastest speed of 443 kilometers per hour with carriages for testing.

 

添削

 

East Japan Railway Company has been conducting a high speed test of the business model bullet train1 on the for Joetsu Shinkansen line2 and as of April 6, they achieved the speed of3 three hundred and sixty kilometers per hour in the test with business use carriages. The last record4 for the business model bullet train was The carriages achieved at up to 345.8 kilometers per hour achieved in 1991. On the other hand, Tokai Japan Railway Company had has achieved the fastest speed of 443 kilometers per hour with carriages for testing.a special experimental train.

 

コメント

 

tamaさんは日本文の内容を四つに分けて整理しています。「JR東日本は上越新幹線で営業用車両の高速試験を実地している。」「46日までに営業用車両で国内最高の時速360キロを達成した。」「これまでの営業用車両の最高速度は1991年の345.8キロだった。」「しかし、試験用車両ではJR東海が443キロを達成している。」このように整理することで、英文の表現が簡単になり、また内容が明確になります。

 

1.       蒸気機関車(a locomotive)が客車(a coach, a car(米)、a carriage(英))を引いていたときと違い、電化が進んで列車自体にモーターがついている現在の列車では、列車全体をtrainと表現するのが適当でしょう。営業用新幹線列車a business model bullet train、試験用新幹線列車an experimental bullet trainと説明的に表現しました。

 

2.       上越新幹線の路線を使った試験運転のようです。

 

3.       The speed ofは無くても文の内容はわかりますが、これを入れると内容が明確になります。

 

4.       The last recordと文を始めると、内容が連関しているので、文と文をつなぐ副詞、副詞句がなくても文のつながりがよくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

East Japan Railway Company has been conducting a high speed test of the business model bullet train on the Joetsu Shinkansen line and as of April 6 they achieved the speed of three hundred and sixty kilometers per hour. The last record for the business model bullet train was  345.8 kilometers per hour achieved in 1991. On the other hand, Tokai Japan Railway Company has achieved the fastest speed of 443 kilometers per hour with a special experimental train.

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、24 July 04

 

East Japan Railway Company achieved as of April 6 the speed of 360 kilometers per hour, the highest ever recorded in Japan of commercial trains, in a high speed testing carried out on the Joetsu Shinkansen Line. Central Japan Railway Company has recorded the speed of 443 kilometers per hour, the highest of test trains, but in a test of commercial trains 345.8 kilometers per hour was recorded in 1991, the highest at that time.

 

添削

 

East Japan Railway Company achieved as of April 6 the speed of 360 kilometers per hour, the highest fastest ever recorded in Japan of commercial trains, in a high speed testing carried out on the Joetsu Shinkansen Line1. Central Japan Railway Company has recorded the speed of 443 kilometers per hour, the highest fastest of special2 test trains, but in a test of commercial trains 345.8 kilometers per hour was recorded in 1991 was , the highest fastestat that time.

 

コメント

 

1.       いろいろな情報の入った文を良く整理してあります。East Japan Railway Company achieved the speed of 360 kilometers per hour.というキーセンテンスが文の始めにあるので内容がわかりやすくなっています。

 

2.       「営業用車両」と「試験用車両」の区別がよく分かるようにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

East Japan Railway Company achieved as of April 6 the speed of 360 kilometers per hour, the fastest ever recorded in Japan of commercial trains, in a high speed testing carried out on the Joetsu Shinkansen Line. Central Japan Railway Company has recorded the speed of 443 kilometers per hour, the fastest of special test trains, but in a test of commercial trains 345.8 kilometers per hour in 1991 was the fastest.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(えり、25 June 03

 

On April 6, JR East Japan achieved the fastest train speed record of 360 kilometers an hour a regular passenger train. The record was made on the Zyoetsu bullet train line during JR East Japan’s high speed test. In the past, JR Tokai achieved a record of 443 kilometers an hour by using a special test train. But for a regular passenger train, the fastest speed was 345.8 kilometers an hour achieved in 1991.

 

添削

 

On April 6, 20031, JR East Japan achieved the fastest train speed2 domestic record of 360 kilometers an hour for a regular passenger train. The record was made on the Zyoetsu bullet train line during JR East Japan’s high speed  high-speed test. In the past, JR Tokai had achieved a record of 443 kilometers an hour by using a special test train. But The previous record3 for a regular passenger train, the fastest speed was 345.8 kilometers an hour achieved in 1991.

 

コメント

 

えりさんは日本文の内容を整理して英文で表現しています。英語の小文で日本文の内容を表現するには、この内容の整理が一番大切です。えりさんがどのように日本文の内容を整理しているか調べてみましょう。

 

·         (4月6日に)JR東日本は(営業用車両では)国内最高の時速360キロを達成した。

·         この記録は(JR東日本の高速テスト中に)上越新幹線で作られた。

·         (これまでも)JR東日本は(試験用特別車両を使って)時速443キロの記録を作ったことがある。

·         (しかし、営業用車両では)最高速度は(1991年に作られた)時速345.8キロであった。

 

小文のカッコのなかは修飾句ですから、この部分を除くとあとは基本文型で簡単に表現できます。そして修飾句は適当な場所に入れます。

 

1.       この日本文も新聞記事を元にしたものなので年号が入っていませんが、2003年のことなので入れました。前後の文章がなくてこの文章だけが独立しているときには年号を入れないと文章が落ち着きません。

 

2.       ここは文の内容から見て明らかなので省略できます。

 

3.       主語をthe previous recordとすると文が簡単になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On April 6, 2003, JR East Japan achieved the fastest domestic record of 360 kilometers an hour for a regular passenger train. The record was made on the Zyoetsu bullet train line during JR East Japan’s high-speed test. In the past, JR Tokai had achieved a record of 443 kilometers an hour by using a special test train. The previous record for a regular passenger train was 345.8 kilometers an hour in 1991.

 

 

初級問題 54

 

1872年、日本で初めて開業した旧新橋停車場が復元され、再開発で高層ビルが立ち並ぶ東京都港区の旧汐留貨物駅跡地の一角に4月7日にお目見えした。

 

読者からの投稿 16(sasuke, 26 May 14

 

Former Shimbashi station, the first station in Japan which was opened in 1872, was rebuilt. The station made an appearance at an old site where was former Shiodome cargo station in Minato ward, Tokyo. As a result of redevelopment, tall buildings stand side by side in the area.

 

添削

 

The Fformer Shimbashi station, the first station in Japan which was opened in 1872, has been was rebuilt. The station made an appearance at an the old site where was the former Shiodome cargo station was located in Minato wWard, Tokyo. On this site, As a result of redevelopment, tall buildings stand side by side next to the station as a result of redevelopment in the area.

 

コメント

 

内容はわかりますが、最後の文と全体の関係がはっきりしません。添削のようにnext to the stationを入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The former Shimbashi station, the first station in Japan which was opened in 1872, has been  rebuilt. The station made an appearance at the site where was the former Shiodome cargo station was located in Minato Ward, Tokyo. On this site, tall buildings stand side by side next to the station as a result of redevelopment .

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(文月、20 March 14

 

Old Sinbashi Station has been reconstructed and made its debut in one corner of the site, where the Shiodome freight station previously stood and high-rise buildings bristle now, in Minato ward in Tokyo on the 7th of this month. The original Sinbashi Station started operations for the first time in Japan in 1872.

 

添削

 

The Oold Sinbashi Station has been reconstructed and made its debut at the in one corner of the site, where the Shiodome freight station previously stood and now high-rise buildings bristle now, in Minato wWard in Tokyo on the 7th of this month. The original Sinbashi Station started operating in 1872 as the first of this kind operations for the first time in Japan in 1872.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       このような補足説明をいれると、旧新橋停車場が日本で初めての操車場であったということがはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The old Sinbashi Station has been reconstructed and made its debut at the one corner of the site where the Shiodome freight station previously stood and now high-rise buildings bristle  in Minato Ward in Tokyo on the 7th of this month. The original Sinbashi Station started operating in 1872 as the first of this kind in Japan.

 

 

読者からの投稿 14(Valley winds, 11 September 12

 

The former Shinbashi Station, which had opened as the first station I Japan in 1872, was restored in the Shiodome Freight Station, standing in a row of skyscrapers under a redevelopment. It showed up on 7.

 

添削

 

On April 7, The former Shinbashi Station, which had opened as the first railway station I in Japan in 1872, was restored and opened to the public in the Shiodome Freight Station, among standing in a row of skyscrapers that had been build as under the a redevelopment of the area1. It showed up on 7.

 

コメント

 

内容の大部分がわかります。

 

1.       standing in a row of skyscrapers under a redevelopment.under a redevelopmentのところがわからないので、添削のようにするとよいでしょう。日本文は日本の読者が知っているところを省いてかいてあることがあります。英文で表現するときは、このような省略箇所の補足説明を追加する必要があります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On April 7, Shinbashi Station, which opened as the first railway station in Japan in 1872, was restored and opened to the public in Shiodome Freight Station, among a row of skyscrapers that had been build as under the redevelopment of the area.

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(ペテルブルグ、10 December 10

 

The reconstruction of old Shinbashi railway station was accomplished. It was the first railway station in Japan and was opened in 1872.We see the reconstructed station in a corner of the renewed Shiodome area in Minato District from the seventh this month. There was a freight railway station Shiodome once and are now new tall buildings in row.

 

添削

 

The reconstruction of old Shinbashi railway station was accomplished. It was the first railway station in Japan and was opened in 1872. The reconstructed station was opened to the public on April 71 and we We can see it the reconstructed station at in a corner of the renewed Shiodome area in Minato District from the seventh this month. where Tthere was a freight railway station Shiodome once but and are now there are nothing2 but new tall buildings in row.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       日付はここに入れたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       there was a station but now (there was) tall buildings.とはならないので、添削のようにします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The reconstruction of old Shinbashi railway station was accomplished. It was the first railway station in Japan and was opened in 1872. The reconstructed station was opened to the public on April 7 and we can see it at a corner of the renewed Shiodome area in Minato District where there was a freight railway station once but now there are nothing but new tall buildings.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(Tatsuo, 18 April 10

 

Old Shinbashi Station, the first station in Japan that was opened in 1872, had restored. The restored station built at the part of the site in old Shiodome depot at Minato ward of Tokyo where is surrounded with high-rise buildings. The restored station opened on the seventh day this month.

 

添削

 

Old Shinbashi Station, the first railway station in Japan that was opened1 in 1872, had has been restored. The restored station is2 built at a the part of the old Shiodme freight station site in old Shiodome depot at in Minato wWard , of Tokyo and  where is surrounded by with high-rise buildings. The restored station opened to the pubic on the seventh day this month.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       The store opens at eighth o’clock every morning. The store was finally opened to the public yesterday after the interior had been completely renovated.のようにopened, be openedの両方の使い方がありますが、ここではopenedでよいでしょう。

 

2.       この場所に建てられた(そして現在も建っている)という現在の状態を表現するので現在形がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Old Shinbashi Station, the first railway station in Japan that opened in 1872, has been restored. The restored station is built at a part of the old Shiodme freight station site in Minato Ward, Tokyo and surrounded by high-rise buildings. The restored station opened to the pubic on the seventh day this month.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(mxtomi, 3 October 09

 

The old Shinbashi Station, Japan’s first railway station opened in 1872 was restored to its original state and reopened on 7th this month in the site of old Shiodome freight station, Minato Ward, Tokyo, where skyscrapers now stand side by side as a result of recent redevelopment for the area.

 

添削

 

The old Shinbashi Station, Japan’s first railway station opened in 1872, was restored to its original state and reopened on the 7th of this month in the site of old Shiodome freight station, Minato Ward, Tokyo., The site has been recently redeveloped and where now skyscrapers now stand side by side as a result of recent redevelopment for the area1.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       ここで二つの文に分割したほうが読みやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The old Shinbashi Station, Japan’s first railway station opened in 1872, was restored to its original state and reopened on the 7th of this month in the site of old Shiodome freight station, Minato Ward, Tokyo. The site has been recently redeveloped and now skyscrapers now stand side by side.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(kk, 10 March 08

 

On April 7, the original Shinbashi Depot, which opened in 1872 as the first railway station in Japan, has been restored and debuted in the redeveloped Shiodome freight yard in the midst of high-rise buildings in Minato Ward, Tokyo.

 

添削

 

On April 7, the original Shinbashi Depot Station1, which opened in 1872 as the first railway station in Japan, has been restored and made its public debuted2 in the redeveloped Shiodome freight yard in the midst of high-rise buildings in Minato Ward, Tokyo.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       新橋停車場は新橋駅だとおもいます。

 

2.       debutは名詞形で使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

On April 7, the original Shinbashi Station, which opened in 1872 as the first railway station in Japan, has been restored and made its public debut in the redeveloped Shiodome freight yard in the midst of high-rise buildings in Minato Ward, Tokyo.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(dunkel, 9 January 08

 

An old Shinbashi Station which opened in 1872 as the first railway station in Japan was rebuilt at the redeveloped Shiodome Freight Station site with many tall buildings in Minato Ward in Tokyo on the seventh of this month.

 

添削

 

An The old Shinbashi Station which opened in 1872 as the first railway station in Japan was has been1 rebuilt at the redeveloped Shiodome Freight Station site with many tall buildings in Minato Ward in Tokyo among many tall buildings and opened again2 to the public on the seventh of this month.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       最近完成した、ということを強調するように現在完了形にするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       「お目見えした」ということを入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The old Shinbashi Station which opened in 1872 as the first railway station in Japan has been rebuilt at the redeveloped Shiodome Freight Station site in Minato Ward in Tokyo among many tall buildings and opened again to the public on the seventh of this month.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(マーチャン、3 November 07

 

The former Shinbashi Station which opened in 1872 as the first railway station in Japan was restored on April 7. It opened at the corner of the former Shiodome cargo station site in Minato Ward, Tokyo where tall buildings stood side by side by redevelopment.

 

添削

 

The former Shinbashi Station which had opened in 1872 as the first railway station in Japan was has been restored and opened to the public again on April 7. The restored station is located It opened at the corner of the former Shiodome cargo station site in Minato Ward, Tokyo where tall buildings stood stand side by side by the recent redevelopment of the area.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。いろいろな情報が詰め込まれてた文章なので、読者に読みやすいように説明を入れて間を作りました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The former Shinbashi Station which had opened in 1872 as the first railway station in Japan has been restored and opened to the public again on April 7. The restored station is located  at the corner of the former Shiodome cargo station site in Minato Ward, Tokyo where tall buildings stand side by side by the recent redevelopment of the area.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(散歩人、2 May 07

 

In 1872,the former Shimbashi Station which was built for the first time was restored. The station debuted at the former "Shiodome Komotsu" station site in Tokyo's Minato Ward with many skyscrapers which have been built by the redevelopment.

 

添削

 

In 1872,tThe former Shimbashi Station, which was built in 1872 as the first railway station in Japan, for the first time was restored and opened to the public on April 71. The station now stands debuted2 at the former "Shiodome Freight Komotsu" sStation site in Tokyo's Minato Ward with among many skyscrapers which have been built as part of by the redevelopment plan of the area3.

 

コメント

 

1.       日本文はいろいろな情報が入っているので、どのように整理するか難しいですね。散歩人さんは「1872年、日本で初めて開業した旧新橋停車場が復元され4月7日にお目見えした。」の内容を最初の英文で表現しています。「1872年、日本で初めて開業した1872年、日本で初めて開業した」は日本語の特徴である長い連体修飾節です。英文では、内容を独立の文章にする、関係代名詞を使う、という表現方法があります。先ずは小文に分割しましょう。「1872年に旧新橋停車場が日本で始めての駅として建設された。」、「旧新橋停車場が復元されて4月7日に一般に公開された。」となります。In 1872, the former Shinbashi Station was built as the first railway station in Japan. The former Shinbashi Station was restored and opened on April 7. このままでもよいですが、関係代名詞を使って二つの小文をつなげると次のようになります。The former Shimbashi Station, which was built in 1872 as the first railway station in Japan, was restored and opened to the public on April 7.

 

2.       a debutは名詞で動詞形はありません。

 

3.       May skyscrapers are built by the redevelopment.の能動態はThe redevelopment build many skyscrapers.となります。英文ではthe redevelopmentのような非人称を主語に使うことも多いです。添削ではthe redevelopmentの内容を補足してthe redevelopment plan of the areaとしました。こうするとby the redevelopment plan of the areaよりas part of the redevelopment plan of the areaのほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The former Shimbashi Station, which was built in1872 as the first railway station in Japan,  was restored and opened to the public on April 7. The station now stands at the former Shiodome Freight Station site in Tokyo's Minato Ward among many skyscrapers which have been built as part of the redevelopment plan of the area.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、23 February 07

 

The former Shinbashi station which began business for the first time in Japan in 1872 was restored on April 7. It opened at the corner of the former Shiodome cargo station site in Minato Ward, Tokyo where tall buildings stood side by side by redevelopment.

 

添削

 

The former Shinbashi sStation which opened in 1872 as the first railway station1 began business for the first time in Japan in 1872 was restored on April 7. It opened at the corner of the former Shiodome cargo station site in Minato Ward, Tokyo where tall buildings stood side by side by redevelopment2.

 

コメント

 

1.       添削のように補足説明すると内容がわかりやすくなるでしょう。

 

2.       短い日本文ですが、情報が凝縮してあって英文で表現するとなると苦労します。内容を整理して情報を的確に英文で表現してありますね。

 

添削後の文章

The former Shinbashi Station which opened in 1872 as the first railway station in Japan  was restored on April 7. It opened at the corner of the former Shiodome cargo station site in Minato Ward, Tokyo where tall buildings stood side by side by redevelopment.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(tange, 12 August 06

 

The former Shinbashi Railway Station that was opened a business for the first time in Japan in 1872 was restored to original state. The restored station unveiled on August 7 in the old Shiodome Cargo Station. That place was in a valley between modern tall buildings that were redeveloped in Minatoku, Tokyo.

 

添削

 

The former Shinbashi Railway Station that was opened a for business for the first time in Japan in 1872 was has been1 restored to its original state form at the old Shiodome Cargo Station site2. The restored station was unveiled on August 7 in the old Shiodome Cargo Station. and now stands That place was in a the valley between of tall modern tall buildings that were occupy this redeveloped district in Minatoku, Tokyo.

 

コメント

 

1.       「完成した」を強調するように現在完了形がよいでしょう。

 

2.       この日本文は短いですが、地理的状況を明確に説明するのが難しいですね。「旧新橋停車場が旧汐留貨物駅跡地の一角に復元された。」「旧汐留貨物駅跡地は再開発されて高層ビルが立ち並ぶ。」「復元された新橋停車場はこれらのビルの谷間にある。」という要素があります。先ず最初の文にat the old Shiodome Cargo Station siteをいれて、どこに復元されたか明らかにするとよいでしょう。次に、この停車場が高層ビルの谷間に建っている。高層ビルはこの再開発地域にある。」としました。「旧汐留貨物駅跡地は再開発されて高層ビルが立ち並ぶ。」を簡単に省略して表現しました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The former Shinbashi Railway Station that was opened for business for the first time in Japan in 1872 has been restored to its original form at the old Shiodome Cargo Station site. The restored station was unveiled on August 7 and now stands in the valley of tall modern  buildings that occupy this redeveloped district in Minatoku, Tokyo.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 7 September 05

 

Old Shimbashi station which opened in 1872 as the fast station in Japan was restored. It locates after the redeveloped place of ex-Shiodome cargo station surrounded by skyscrapers and opened to public on the 7th.

 

添削

 

The Oold Shimbashi station which originally opened in 1872 as the fast station in Japan was has been restored and opened to the public on April 71. It is locatesd after at the redeveloped place of the ex- former Shiodome cargo station and is surrounded by skyscrapers and opened to public on the 7th.

 

コメント

 

日本文の内容を、ちょうど良い所でわけて二つの英文にしていますね。has been restoredと現在完了形にして、opened to the pubic on April 7をここに移動したほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The old Shimbashi station which originally opened in 1872 as the fast station in Japan has been restored and opened to the public on April 7. It is located at the redeveloped place of the former Shiodome cargo station and is surrounded by skyscrapers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3 (tama, 30 August 04)

 

An old railroad depot in Shinbashi was rebuilt and was opened to public on 7th at the vacant lot of an old cargo station in Shiodome, Minato-ku, Tokyo , where tall buildings stand side by side by redevelopment. For the first time, the railroad depot started in 1872 in Japan.

 

添削

 

An The old Shinbashi Railway Station1 railroad depot in Shinbashi was rebuilt and was opened to the public on August2 7th at the vacant3 lot the site of an old cargo station in Shiodome, Minato-ku, Tokyo , where tall buildings stand stood4 side by side by redevelopment. The Shinbashi Railway Station was the first railway station in Japan and opened its business in 18725 For the first time, the railroad depot started in 1872 in Japan.

 

コメント

 

この添削講座では実務文の一つの型として新聞記事の要約を良く使います。新聞記事の要約のメリットは(1)練習問題を見つけやすい、(2)いろいろな内容がある、(3)日本人の読者を対象にした文章である(和文英訳用の文章ではない)、(4)内容が論理的に記述されたものが多い、です。ディメリットは、内容が短く凝縮されている、です。

 

この英作文講座の読者は、いろいろな目的(仕事で英文報告書を書く、英文論文を書く、仕事で和文英訳をする)のために英作文を学習しているのでしょう。英文を書くときに元となる資料も英文、日本文といろいろあるでしょう。これらの資料から自分の英文を書くときに、直接考えを英文で表現するか、日本文で書いて(または考えて)から英文で表現するかに二通りがあるでしょう。

 

日本文で書いて(または考えて)から内容を英文で表現するときに、日本文で書いた(または考えた)内容が、新聞記事のように凝縮された形なのか、または凝縮する前の短文の形なのか、が問題になります。英文で表現する前に凝縮した形で考えをまとめているならば、この添削講座の問題は英作文の勉強に直接役立つでしょう。

 

もし、短文の形で考えたものを英文で表現するならば、短文のそれぞれを英文で表現したものを、文章としてまとめる、という練習問題のほうが英作文の勉強により適切でしょう。このような練習問題も作れないことはない(時間がかかるが作れる)ので、新しい形式の練習問題として考えてみます。

 

日本文で書いてから(考えてから)英文で表現するときには、日本文で書いた(考えた)内容が他者にわかりやすい形式であるかどうかは、英文で内容を表現するときに大切です。日本文が他者にわかりやすければ、英文で内容を表現したものもわかりやすくなります。英文実務文の勉強には日本語実務文の勉強の役立ちます。最近、「わかりやすい実務文を書く」というような日本文作文の本がいくつも出ています。内容をみるとプレイン・イングリッシュの基本と重なることが多いことに驚きます。文章によるコミュニケーションは言語の相違を超えた共通点があるようです。

 

日本文はいろいろな情報が短い文に詰め込まれた新聞記事の典型です。日本文の構造は「1872年、日本で初めて開業したa旧新橋停車場」と「再開発で高層ビルが立ち並ぶb東京都港区の旧汐留貨物駅c跡地の一角に」と三つの長い修飾句節が、「旧新橋停車場が復元され、7日にお目見えした」という簡単な内容を文を修飾しています。Tamaさんはこのような内容を上手に整理しています。

 

1.       新橋停車場は現代の言葉で言えばShinbasi Railway Stationでしょう。

 

2.       日本文に月の名前が抜けていました。On the 7thだけではわかり難いのでAugust 7thとしておきました。

 

3.       Vacant lotとするといまでも空き地の意味になるので、at the site of~としました。

 

4.       動詞の時制の一致で過去形にしてよいでしょう。

 

5.       鉄道の駅として、新橋駅が日本で最初、と説明しました。確かにそのとおりなのですが、新橋―横浜間が最初に開通したはずなので、横浜駅のほうはどうなっていたのでしょうか?

 

添削後の文章

 

The old Shinbashi Railway Station was rebuilt and opened to the public on August 7th at the site of an old cargo station in Shiodome, Minato-ku, Tokyo, where tall buildings stood side by side by redevelopment. The Shinbashi Railway Station was the first railway station in Japan and opened its business in 1872.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、24 July 04

 

The former Shinbashi railway depot, which had opened for the first time in Japan in 1872, was rebuilt on the 7th in a corner of a redeveloped and high-rise area in Minato Ward, Tokyo, where the former Shiodome Freight Train Station used to be.

 

添削

 

The former Shinbashi rRailway dDepot, which had opened for the first time in Japan in 1872, was has been rebuilt and opened to the public1 on the 7th of this month2 at in a corner of3 a redeveloped and high-rise area in Minato Ward, Tokyo, where the former Shiodome Freight Train Station used to be.

 

コメント

 

1.       短い文にたくさんの情報が詰めこめれているので、よく整理して英文で表現する必要があります。キーセンテンスは「旧新橋停車場が復元され7日にお目見えした。」です。「お目見えした」opened to the publicを入れると内容がはっきりします。

 

2.       日本文に月が抜けていました。

 

3.       「一角」は「どこか」の意味で必ずしも「角地」ではないでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The former Shinbashi Railway Depot, which opened for the first time in Japan in 1872, has been rebuilt and opened to the public on the 7th of this month at a redeveloped and high-rise area in Minato Ward, Tokyo, where the former Shiodome Freight Train Station used to be.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(さちこ、25 June 03

 

On April 7, the restoration of the original Shinbashi Station was completed and opened to the public at the old Shiodome freight yard. The Shinbashi station was built in 1872 and was the first railway station in Japan. Now the restored Shinbashi Station stands amid high-rise buildings that crowd the old Shiodome freight yard.

 

添削

 

On April 7, 20031, the restoration of the original Shinbashi Station was completed and opened to the public at the old Shiodome freight yard. The Shinbashi station was built in 1872 and was the first railway station in Japan. Now the restored Shinbashi Station stands amid high-rise buildings that crowd the old Shiodome freight yard2.

 

コメント

 

1.       元の記事にはどの年の4月7日かは書いてありません(新聞記事をもとにしているので、新聞の読者は2003年とわかります)。添削では2003年を補いました。

 

2.       日本文にはいろいろな情報がひとつの文の中に押し込めてあります。さちこさんは整理しなおして英文で表現しています。このように情報の再整理は英文で表現するときに大切です。そしてさちこさんのように文章の最初の文で一番大切なものを書き、後の文で内容を説明する、という方法(キーセンテンスを文章の最初に置く)を習得すると情報の整理がやさしくなります。

 

 

添削後の文章

 

On April 7, 2002, the restoration of the original Shinbashi Station was completed and opened to the public at the old Shiodome freight yard. The Shinbashi station was built in 1872 and was the first railway station in Japan. Now the restored Shinbashi Station stands amid high-rise buildings that crowd the old Shiodome freight yard.

 

 

初級問題 55

 

夜間や日曜の診療に踏み切る医療機関ももっと増えていい。医療機関が集中する熊本市内でも、日曜診療を行うところは5%以下である。平日の昼間には受診が難しいサラリーマンも多く、新しい診療体制は患者の獲得につながる。

 

読者からの投稿 16(sasuke, 1 June 14

 

The number of medical facilities which have started operation at night and holidays should increase. Although Kumamoto city center where medical facilities are gathered, the rate of the facilities opening on holidays are below 5%. Since many of the salaried workers have difficulties to visit during the daytime on weekdays, the new operation might lead to get more patients.

 

添削

 

The number of medical facilities which are open1 have started operation at night and on holidays should increase. Although2 the City of Kumamoto city center has the highest concentration of where medical facilities are in the Prefecture of Kumamoto3 gathered, less than five percent of the medical the rate of the facilities are opening on holidays are below 5%. Since many of the salaried workers have difficulties to visit medical facilities during the daytime on weekdays, the new way of operation will4 might lead to get more patients for the medical facilities.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、はっきりしないところがあります。

 

1.       「夜間もあいている状態の病院」ですから、ここは are open にします。

 

2.       Although A, B is true.のようにAとBは内容が対比しなくてはいけないので、添削のように文を構成します。

 

3.       日本文ではハッキリしませんが、「熊本市は熊本県の中で医療機関が集中している。」という意味ですから、ここに熊本県を入れると意味がはっきりします。

 

4.       患者は確実に増加するでしょうからwillになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of medical facilities which are open at night and on holidays should increase. Although the City of Kumamoto has the highest concentration of medical facilities in the Prefecture of Kumamoto, less than five percent of the medical facilities are opening on holidays. Since many salaried workers have difficulties to visit medical facilities during the daytime on weekdays, the new way of operation will lead to more patients for the medical facilities.

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(文月、26 March 14

 

I hope more and more medical facilities decide to provide medical care during nighttime hours or on Sundays. Even in Kumamoto City, where many medical facilities are gathering, less than five percent of them open the office on Sundays. Many company employees find it difficult to visit medical facilities at weekday. Improved consultation hours will lead to attracting patients.

 

添削

 

I hope more and more medical facilities decide to provide medical care during nighttime the night hours or and on Sundays. Even in Kumamoto City, where many medical facilities are concentrated gathering, less than five percent of them open the office on Sundays. Many company employees find it difficult to visit medical facilities during the day on at weekdays. Extended office Improved consultation hours will also lead to more attracting patients.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

I hope more and more medical facilities decide to provide medical care during the night  and on Sundays. Even in Kumamoto City, where many medical facilities are concentrated , less than five percent of them open the office on Sundays. Many company employees find it difficult to visit medical facilities during the day on weekdays. Extended office hours will also lead to more  patients.

 

 

読者からの投稿 14(Valley winds, 19 September 12

 

It is more convenient that the number of facilities for medical, receiving patients at night or on Sunday, increase more. The rate of facilities for medical that receive patients on Sunday is 5 percent or less in Kumamoto City, where have many facilities for medical. Because many salaried workers hardly receive medical treatment in the daytime on weekdays, structuring of the new medical attending system cause that they can get many patients.

 

添削

 

It is will be more convenient if that the number of medical facilities for medical, receiving patients at night or on Sunday, increases more1. The rate of facilities for mMedical facilities that receive patients on Sunday is now less than 5 percent or less in Kumamoto City, where the largest number of have many  medical facilities concentrate in Kumamoto Prefecture for medical. Because many salaried workers can hardly go to receive medical facilities treatment in the daytime on weekdays, re-structuring of the new medical attending system will increase the number of cause that they can get many patients2 they can get.

 

コメント

 

内容の大体を推測できます。

 

1.       increaseは何かが増えることですからmoreは要りません。

 

2.       添削のような簡単な表現がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

It will be more convenient if the number of medical facilities receiving patients at night or on Sunday increases. Medical facilities that receive patients on Sunday is now less than 5 percent in Kumamoto City, where the largest number of medical facilities concentrate in Kumamoto Prefecture. Because many salaried workers can hardly go to medical facilities  in the daytime on weekdays, re-structuring of the medical system will increase the number of patients they can get.

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(ペテルブルグ、11 December 10

 

It would be better, if more and more hospitals are opened during nights or on Sundays. Less than 5% of hospitals are opened on Sundays in Kumamoto City, in which hospitals are concentrate, compared to other areas in Kumamoto Prefecture. There are lot of office workers, who cannot spare time to go to see a doctor on weekdays. Hospitals can get more patients through widening their opening hours.

 

添削

 

It will1 would be better, if more and more hospitals are opened during the nights or on Sundays. Less than 5 % of hospitals are opened on Sundays in Kumamoto City, where in which hospitals are concentrated, compared to other areas in Kumamoto Prefecture. There are lots of office workers, who cannot spare time to go to see a doctor on weekdays. Hospitals can get more patients through extending widening their opening hours.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       可能性のあることですからwillでよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

It will be better if more and more hospitals are opened during the night or on Sundays. Less than 5 % of hospitals are opened on Sundays in Kumamoto City where hospitals are concentrated compared to other areas in Kumamoto Prefecture. There are lots of office workers who cannot spare time to go to see a doctor on weekdays. Hospitals can get more patients through extending their opening hours.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(Tatsuo, 22 April 10

 

I think more medical institutions should consider working their consultation at night time and Sundays. Even the area gathering medical institutions in Kumamoto city is only less five percent of hospitals working on Sunday. Many business men are so hard to go to the hospital in the daytime on weekdays that the new consultation plan such as the Sunday consultation can lead hospitals to get more patients.         

 

添削

 

I think more medical institutions should consider working seeing patients1 their consultation at night time and on Sundays. Even in Kumamoto City where medical institutions the area gathering medical institutions in Kumamoto city is2, only less than five percent of hospitals are open working on Sunday. For Mmany business men, it is3 are so hard to go to the hospital in the daytime on weekdays. that the  A new office hour consultation plan such as the Sunday consultation can lead hospitals to get more patients.         

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、わかりにくいところがあります。

 

1.       consider consulting with patients at night ~という表現もありますが、添削では簡単にseeing patientsとしました。

 

2.       「医療機関が集中する熊本市内でも」は「熊本市に医療機関が集中している」でよいと思います。「熊本県内で医療機関が集中している地域、例えば熊本市内でも」と解釈すると表現が面倒になります。

 

3.       Businessmen are hard to go to hospital.という表現はありません。It is hard for businessmen to go to hospital. という構文になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

I think more medical institutions should consider seeing patients at night and on Sundays. Even in Kumamoto City where medical institutions gather, less than five percent of hospitals are open on Sunday. For many businessmen, it is so hard to go to hospital in the daytime on weekdays. A new office hour such as Sunday can lead hospitals to get more patients.         

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(mxtomi, 3 October 09

 

There should be more and more hospitals and clinics venturing to extend their surgery hours. Even in Kumamoto City where medical institutions concentrate, only smaller than 5% of them are open on Sunday. The extended medical service hours will attract more patients since quite a few office workers now find it difficult to see a doctor during the daytime on weekdays. Doctors will be better off while satisfying the patients’ need.

 

添削

 

There should be more and more hospitals and clinics which are open on Sundays and during the night1 venturing to extend their surgery hours. Even in Kumamoto City where medical institutions concentrate in Kumamoto Prefecture, only about smaller than 5% of them are open on Sunday. The extended medical service hours will attract more patients since many quite a few office workers now find it difficult to see a doctor during the daytime on weekdays. By extending business hours, Ddoctors will be financially better off and patients can better while satisfying the patients’ their medical needs2.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが、最初の文のextending their surgical hoursは日本文の内容と異なります。病院の手術をする時間の延長ではなくて、病院の診療時間の延長でしょう。

 

1.       「夜間や日曜の診療」は重要な情報ですから最初の文に入れます。

 

2.       doctorspatientsを主語にした並列構造にするとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

There should be more hospitals and clinics which are open on Sundays and during the night. Even in Kumamoto City where medical institutions concentrate in Kumamoto Prefecture, only about 5% of them are open on Sunday. The extended medical service hours will attract more patients since many office workers find it difficult to see a doctor during the daytime on weekdays. By extending business hours, doctors will be financially better off and patients can better satisfy their medical needs.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(kk, 10 March 08

 

It would be good if more medical institutions as well would decide to open at night and on Sundays. Even in Kumamoto City, where many medical institutions are centered in the prefecture, only 5% and less of them open on Sundays. Many businesspersons cannot get medical help in the daytime on weekdays, so changing opening hours of the medical institutions could be useful to get more patients.

 

添削

 

It would will1 be good if more medical institutions as well would decide to open at night and on Sundays. Even in Kumamoto City, where many medical institutions are centered in the prefecture, only 5% and less less than five percent of them open on Sundays. Many businesspersons cannot get go to medical institutions medical help in during the daytime on weekdays,. sSo, changing opening hours of the3 medical institutions could will be useful to get more increase patients and be beneficial to medical institutions as well.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       実際に起こる可能性のあることがらだと想定すれば、willでよいでしょう。if節の中は現在形にします。

 

2.       医療機関一般のことなので定冠詞は要りません。

 

添削後の文章

 

It will be good if more medical institutions open at night and on Sundays. Even in Kumamoto City, where many medical institutions are centered in the prefecture, less than five percent of them open on Sundays. Many businesspersons cannot go to medical institutions during the daytime on weekdays. So, changing opening hours of medical institutions will    increase patients and be beneficial to medical institutions as well.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(dunkel, 9 January 08

 

We believe that the number of hospitals which opens at night or on Sunday should increase more. Even in Kumanoto City where we can find many hospitals, less than five percents of them open on Sunday. If a hospital decided to open on Sunday, it would get many new customers because it is difficult for most of the businessperson to go to hospital in the daytime on weekday.

 

添削

 

I think1 We believe that the number of hospitals which opens in the evening2 at night or on Sunday should increase more. Even in Kumanoto City where we can find many hospitals, less than five percents of them open on Sunday. If a hospital decideds2 to open in the evening or on Sunday, it will would get many new customers because it is difficult now for most of the businesspersons to go to hospital in during the daytime on weekdays.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       個人の意見として、I thinkがよいでしょう。

 

2.       「夜間」といってもここでは午後9時ごろまでのことだとおもいます。

 

3.       実際にこのような可能性がある、と思うので現在形でよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

I think that the number of hospitals which open in the evening or on Sunday should increase more. Even in Kumanoto City where we can find many hospitals, less than five percent of them open on Sunday. If a hospital decides to open in the evening or on Sunday, it will get many new customers because it is difficult now for most businesspersons to go to hospital during the daytime on weekdays.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(マーチャン、5 November 07

 

Medical institutions which provide medical care at night and on Sunday should increase more in number. Medical institutions which provide Sunday medical care are less than 5 % even in Kumamoto City where they concentrate in the prefecture. As it is difficult for many salaried men to visit medical institutions during the daytime on weekdays, medical institutions will get many more patients if they change to the new treatment system.

 

添削

 

Medical institutions which provide medical care at night and on Sunday should increase more in number. Medical institutions which provide Sunday medical care are less than 5 % even in Kumamoto City where they concentrate in the prefecture. As it is difficult for many salaried working people1 men to visit medical institutions during the daytime on weekdays, medical institutions will get many more patients if they change to the office hours2 new treatment system.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       一般的なほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       a treatment systemというと新しい治療法という印象になるのでnew office hoursがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Medical institutions which provide medical care at night and on Sunday should increase more in number. Medical institutions which provide Sunday medical care are less than 5 % even in Kumamoto City where they concentrate in the prefecture. As it is difficult for many working people to visit medical institutions during the daytime on weekdays, medical institutions will get many more patients if they change to the office hours.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(散歩人、3 May 07

 

I hope that people will be able to use more medical services during evening hours and on Sunday. Even in Kumamoto City where there are most of medical services in Kumamoto Prefecture, less than five percent of medical services is available on Sunday. Because there are many businessmen who are difficult to see a doctor during daytime on weekdays, such a medical service would acquire more patients.

 

添削

 

I hope that people will be able to use more medical services during evening hours and on Sunday. Even in Kumamoto City where there are most of medical services institutions1 in Kumamoto Prefecture, less than five percent of then are open medical services is available on Sunday. Because there are many businessmen who are have difficulty in to seeing a doctor during the daytime on weekdays, such a medical service would acquire more patients.

 

コメント

 

1.       medical servicesは医療サービス一般を指しますね。ここは「日曜診療を行うところ」とあるので具体的に病院や診療所を指すmedical institutionsがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

I hope that people will be able to use more medical services during evening hours and on Sunday. Even in Kumamoto City where there are most of medical institutions in Kumamoto Prefecture, less than five percent of then are open on Sunday. Because there are many businessmen who have difficulty in seeing a doctor during the daytime on weekdays, such a medical service would acquire more patients.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、23 February 07

 

Medical institutions which perform medical care at night and on Sunday should more increase in number. Medical institutions which do Sunday medical care are less than 5 % even in Kumamoto City where they concentrate in the prefecture. As it is difficult that many salaried men visit medical institutions during the daytime on weekdays, it will get many patients to change the new treatment system.

 

添削

 

Medical institutions which perform provide medical care at night and on Sunday should more increase more1 in number. Medical institutions which do provide Sunday medical care are less than 5 % even in Kumamoto City where they concentrate in the prefecture. As it is difficult that for2 many salaried men to visit medical institutions during the daytime on weekdays, it medical institutions will get many more patients if they to change to the new treatment system.

 

コメント

 

1.       They rapidly increased the number of beds in the hospital.と副詞を動詞の前の置く用法が増えていますが、They added more beds to the hospital.のようにmoremore bedsと続くので動詞の後ろにきます。more in numberも同じ用法です。

 

2.       it is that ~とすると文が冗長になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Medical institutions which provide medical care at night and on Sunday should increase more in number. Medical institutions which provide Sunday medical care are less than 5 % even in Kumamoto City where they concentrate in the prefecture. As it is difficult for many salaried men to visit medical institutions during the daytime on weekdays, medical institutions will get many more patients if they change to the new treatment system.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(tange, 23 September 06

 

It is suggested that medical services at night and on Sunday should be provided more than now. Although Kumamoto City has many medical institutions, only less than 5 % of institutions open on Sunday. If new system expands, many people working during daytime can take medical services, which means medical services will have more customers than now.   

 

添削

 

It is suggested that1 mMedical services at night in the evening2 and on Sunday should be provided more widely3 than now. Although Kumamoto City has many medical institutions, only less than 5 % of institutions them are open on Sunday. If a new system of opening medical institutions in the evening and on Sunday4 expands, many people working during the daytime can take receive medical services, which means the medical services institutions will have more customers patients than now.   

 

コメント

 

1.       書き手の意見なのでIt is suggested thatは必要ありません。I want to suggest that ~と言うことも出来ますが、should be providedとあるので、これがなくても書き手の意見だとわかります。

 

2.       at nightは大部分の人が寝ている時間帯です。会社帰りの時間ならin the eveningが適当でしょう。

 

3.       more widelyもっと多く(の病院で)が良いでしょう。moreだけでは、現在夜間や日曜に開いている病院でもっと多くのサービスを提供する、になります。

 

4.       a new systemは文章に始めて出てくるので説明が必要です。

 

添削後の文章

 

Medical services in the evening and on Sunday should be provided more widely than now. Although Kumamoto City has many medical institutions, only less than 5 % of them are open on Sunday. If a new system of opening medical institutions in the evening and on Sunday expands, many people working during the daytime can receive medical services, which means the medical institutions will have more patients than now.   

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 7 September 05

 

I think more and more medical office should start to open in the night and Sunday. Even in Kumamoto city where medical offices are concentrating, only less than 5% hospitals open on Sunday. If they extend their opening hour, they can get new patients like businessmen who have a hard time to go hospitals during weekdays daytime.

 

添削

 

I think more and more medical office should start to open in the at night and on Sunday. Even in Kumamoto cCity where medical offices are concentratinged in the Kumamoto prefecture1, only less than 5% of hospitals are open2 on Sunday. If they extend their opening hours, they can get new patients like businessmen who have a hard time to go hospitals during the working hours of weekdays daytime3.

 

コメント

 

1.       「(熊本県内で)医療機関の集中する熊本市」という意味なのでin the Kumamoto prefectureを補完しました。

 

2.       hospitals are open「病院が開いている。」がよいでしょう。

 

3.       「平日の昼間には受診が難しいサラリーマンも多く、新しい診療体制は患者の獲得につながる。」をとても上手にやさしく言い換えてから、英文で表現していますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

I think more and more medical office should start to open at night and on Sunday. Even in Kumamoto City where medical offices are concentrated in the Kumamoto prefecture, less than 5% of hospitals are open on Sunday. If they extend their opening hours, they can get new patients like businessmen who have a hard time to go hospitals during the working hours of weekdays.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3 (tama, 1 September 04)

 

It is desirable that Medical agencies which provide medical care at night and on Sunday increase. This is because many businessmen are difficult to go to doctors during the day of weekday. Therefore applying such new medical care system makes them increase patients But only less than five percent of medical agencies examine on Sunday, even in Kumamoto City where medical agencies concentrate.

 

添削

 

It is desirable that more medical facilities are open  at night and on Sundays1. For many businessmen, it is  difficult2 to go to see a  doctor during the day of a weekday. Therefore, changing to such a new medical care system can lead to an increase in the number of3 patients visiting the medical facilities too. But at present only less than five percent of medical facilities are open  on Sundays, even in Kumamoto City where medical  facilities concentrate in the prefecture4

 

コメント

 

1.       夜間や日曜の診療に踏み切る医療機関ももっと増えていい。」は「もっと多くの医療機関が夜間や日曜に開業していることが望ましい。」と言い換えると下線の修飾節をthat clauseで表現できます。

 

2.       It is difficult for me to see a doctor on Sunday. I have difficulty in seeing a doctor on Sunday.の二つの言い方があります。後者はすこしかしこまった言い方です。

 

3.       「患者の獲得につながる」を「患者の数が増加する」と言い換えたのがよいですね。英文では「数」the numberが文の中に明記されていることに注意してください。こういうところに英語はうるさいです。「患者の獲得につながる」という短い日本文がcan lead to an increase in the number of patients visiting the medical facilitiesという長い英文になってしまいます。文章の中の個々の文の長さは、文の内容を省略したときにどれだけ読者が文脈から意味を理解するか、にかかっています。一般に日本文では読者の理解を多く見積もってたくさん省略しますが、英文では読者の理解を最低限に見積もって省略を制限します。

 

4.       「熊本県のなかで医療機関の集中している熊本市」と意味を明確にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

It is desirable that more medical facilities are open at night and on Sundays. For many businessmen, it is difficult to go to see a doctor during the day of a weekday. Therefore, changing to such a new medical care system can lead to an increase in the number of patients visiting the medical facilities too. But at present only less than five percent of medical facilities are open on Sundays, even in Kumamoto City where medical facilities concentrate in the prefecture.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、26 July 04

 

There should be more medical institutions which make a decision to offer nighttime and Sunday services. In Kumamoto City, where medical institutions are concentrated, only less than 5% of them offer services on Sundays. Many company employees find it difficult to receive day-time medical services on weekdays, so there will be more patients under new medical systems.

 

添削

 

There should be more medical institutions which make a decision to that can1 offer services during the night and on Sundays2 nighttime and Sunday services. In Kumamoto City, where medical institutions are concentrated in the Prefecture of Kumamoto3, only less than 5% of them offer services on Sundays. Many company employees find it difficult to receive go to clinic or hospital during the day-time4 medical services on weekdays, so there will be more patients under the new medical systems.

 

コメント

 

1.       「夜間や日曜の診療に踏み切る医療機関」は「夜間や日曜の診療には人員の獲得と経費などいろいろと解決しなければならない問題はあるがそれを乗り越えて」というような背景があるのでしょうが、ここではそれらの問題は直接にはでてこないので、添削のように簡単にしてよいでしょう。

 

2.       「夜間と日曜」と強調するために添削のようにしました。

 

3.       「(熊本県内で)医療機関が集中する熊本市内」という意味だとおもいます。

 

4.       添削のように具体的にしたほうが内容がよくわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

There should be more medical institutions that can offer services during the night and on Sundays. In Kumamoto City, where medical institutions are concentrated in the Prefecture of Kumamoto, only less than 5% of them offer services on Sundays. Many company employees find it difficult to go to clinic or hospital during the day-time, so there will be more patients under the new medical system.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Gunma, 25 June 03

 

The number of clinics and hospitals that decide to open on Sunday and during the evening must increase. The City of Kumamoto has a high concentration of health institutions in the Prefecture of Kumamoto. But less than 5 percent of them open on Sunday. Many people who work at office have difficulty in visiting a clinic and hospital during the day. A new health system is going to get more patients.

 

添削

 

We should have The number of clinics and hospitals that are open on Sunday and during the evening nighttime1. must increase. Even in The the City of Kumamoto that has a high concentration of health institutions in the Prefecture of Kumamoto., But less than 5 percent of them clinics and hospitals open on Sunday. It is not easy for Many many people who work working at an office have difficulty in visiting to visit a clinic and or hospital during the day. A new health system is going to get more patients.Once clinics and hospitals open on Sunday, they will surely get more patients.2

 

コメント

 

Gunmaさんの投稿で内容は良くわかります。添削は文と文のつながりがスムースになるようにしました。

 

1.       最近、NHKテレビの連続ドラマでナイトホスピタルというものを見ました(私の住むカナダの町でもケーブルテレビでNHKと民放の番組を再編成したものが見られるようになりました)。ここで言う夜間診療は夕方だけでなく、真夜中も含むように思われます。

 

2.       「新しい診療体制」を説明したほうが、内容の繰り返しになりますが、わかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

We should have clinics and hospitals that open on Sunday and nighttime. Even in the City of Kumamoto that has a high concentration of health institutions in the Prefecture of Kumamoto, less than 5 percent of clinics and hospitals open on Sunday. It is not easy for many people  working at an office to visit a clinic or hospital during the day. Once clinics and hospitals open on Sunday, they will surely get more patients.

 

 

初級問題 56

 

環境、経済産業両省は4月4日、今後廃棄量の増加が見込まれる使用済み家庭用パソコンの再資源化を促進するため、資源有効利用促進法に基づき2003年10月1日からメーカーに回収を義務付けることを決めた。

 

読者からの投稿 12(sasuke, 5 June 14

 

On April 4, since they want to promote recycling of home use laptops that are expected to increase of the amount of disposing, Ministry of the Environment and Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry decided to oblige computer makers to recovery their computers based on the Law for Promotion of Effective Utilization of Resources, starting October 1, 2003.

 

添削

 

On April 4, since they want to promote recycling of home use laptops that are expected to increase of the amount of disposing, the Ministry of the Environment and Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry decided to oblige computer makers to collect recovery their old computers from consumers based on the Law for Promotion of Effective Utilization of Resources, starting October 1, 2003. This was because the Ministries want to promote recycling of personal computers that are expected to increase in number in the future.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。添削のように、先ずは環境、経済産業両省が何を決めたのかを文章の最初に置いて、その理由を別の文で説明するとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

On April 4, the Ministry of the Environment and Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry decided to oblige computer makers to collect their old computers from consumers based on the Law for Promotion of Effective Utilization of Resources, starting October 1, 2003. This was because the Ministries want to promote recycling of personal computers that are expected to increase in number in the future.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(Valley winds, 20 September 12

 

Ministry of the Environment and Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry decided on April 4 that they would oblige PC manufacture to collect unnecessary PCs from October 1 2003 based on the Law of Urging to Exploit Resources. In order to urge to reuse unnecessary PCs at families as resources, which will be damped more and more on future,

 

添削

 

The Ministry of the Environment and Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry decided on April 4 that they would oblige PC manufacture to start collecting used unnecessary PCs on from October 1, 2003 based on the Law of Urging to Exploit Resources. The Ministries want some materials in PCs to be In order to urge to reused unnecessary PCs at families as resources, which as will be damped more and more PCs are expected to be damped in the on future.,1

 

コメント

 

前半の内容はわかりますが、最後の文の内容がわかりません。

 

1.       元の文の形に沿って添削すると下記のようになります。

 

The decision was made In order to urge the PC industry to reuse materials from unnecessary PCs at families as new resources, as used PCs which will be damped more and more on in the future.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Tatsuo, 22 April 10

 

Both the ministry of Environment and Economy, Trade and Industry decided a manufacture’s obligation. According to the decision, manufacturers must collect the used personal computers under the law for the promotion of effective using resources that was enforced on October 1 in 2003. Both of the ministries urge manufacturers to reuse some parts and material in the collected computers because of increasing the amount of disposal computers in prospect.        

 

添削

 

Both Tthe mMinistry of the Environment and the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry jointly1 decided to introduce a new regulation2 a manufacture’s obligation. According to the new regulation decision, manufacturers must collect the used personal computers under the lLaw for the pPromotionng of eEffective Utilization of using rResources that was enforced on October 1, in 2003. Both of the ministries urge manufacturers to reuse recycle some parts and materials in the collected computers because of an increasing the number amount of disposal computers are expected to be disposed of in prospect in the future3.        

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、わかりにくいところがあります。

 

1.       省庁の名前は長いので、the Ministry of A and the Ministry of Bとしないと、一つなのか二つなのかはっきりしません。

 

2.       a new regulationとすこし具体的にしました。

 

3.       because of ~と従属句にするよりbecause ~と従属節にしたほうが内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of the Environment the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry jointly decided to introduce a new regulation. According to the new regulation, manufacturers must collect  used personal computers under the Law for Promoting Effective Utilization of Resources that was enforced on October 1, 2003. Both ministries urge manufacturers to recycle some parts and materials in the collected computers because an increasing number of  computers are expected to be disposed of in the future.        

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(mxtomi, 3 October 09

 

On April 4th, the Ministry of the Environment and the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry jointly decided to require computer manufacturers to collect used personal computers effective from October 1st, 2003 based on the Law for Promotion of Effective Utilization of Resources. The decision is aimed at facilitating a recycling of used personal computers which is projected to increase in number in the years ahead.

 

添削

 

On April 4th, the Ministry of the Environment and the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry jointly decided to require computer manufacturers to start retrieving collect used personal computers on effective from October 1st, 2003, based on the Law for Promotion of Effective Utilization of Resources. The decision is aimed at facilitating a the recycling of used personal computers which is projected to increase in number in the years ahead.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On April 4th, the Ministry of the Environment and the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry jointly decided to require computer manufacturers to start retrieving used personal computers on October 1st, 2003, based on the Law for Promotion of Effective Utilization of Resources. The decision is aimed at facilitating the recycling of used personal computers which is projected to increase in number in the years ahead.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(kk, 10 March 08

 

On April 4, Ministry of the Environment and Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry decided that the computer makers should collect used family personal computers, which is projected the increase in the amount of waste from now on, in order to promote the recycling system starting on October 1 in 2003 under the Law for Promotion of Effective Utilization of Resources.

 

添削

 

On April 4, the Ministry of the Environment and Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry jointly decided that the computer makers should collect used family personal computers, which is projected the to increase in number the amount of waste from now on., 1The decision will become effective on October 1, 2003 and in order to will help to promote the recycling of personal computers system starting on October 1 in 2003 under the Law for Promotion of Effective Utilization of Resources.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       文が長いので、ここから新しい文にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On April 4, the Ministry of the Environment and Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry jointly decided that computer makers should collect used family personal computers which is projected to increase in number from now on. The decision will become effective on October 1, 2003 and will help to promote the recycling of personal computers under the Law for Promotion of Effective Utilization of Resources.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(マーチャン、6 November 07

 

On April 4, to promote the recycle of used family personal computers which are expected to increase in number in the future, the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry and the Ministry of Environment decided to impose on computer makers the obligation to collect used computers from October 1 in 2003. The obligation will be based on the Law for Promotion of Effective Utilization of Resources.

 

添削

 

On April 4, to promote the recycle of used family personal computers which are expected to increase in number in the future, the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry and the Ministry of Environment decided to impose on computer makers the obligation to collect used computers from October 1 in 2003 onward. The obligation will be based on the Law for Promotion of Effective Utilization of Resources that was intended to promote the recycle of used family personal computers that are expected to increase in number in the future.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。文の始めに主体の記述があるほうが、誰が何をしたのかわかるので添削のような順序がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On April 4, the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry and the Ministry of Environment decided to impose on computer makers the obligation to collect used computers from October 1 in 2003 onward. The obligation will be based on the Law for Promotion of Effective Utilization of Resources that was intended to promote the recycle of used family personal computers that are expected to increase in number in the future.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(散歩人、3 May 07

 

On April 4th, based on the law for more efficient use of resources, Ministry of the Environment and Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry determined to make manufacturer to recycle unnecessary personal computers for household use, because the increasing number of them is expected ahead. This law will be started at October 1, 2003.

 

添削

 

On April 4th, based on the lLaw for mMore eEfficient uUse of rResources1, the Ministry of the Environment and the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry determined a new regulation that will to make it mandatory for manufacturers2 to recycle unnecessary personal computers for household use, because the increasing number of them is expected to increase in the future ahead. This law regulation will be started at become effective on October 1, 2003.

 

コメント

 

1.       固有名詞なので大文字で始めます。

 

2.       現存の法律に基づいた新しい規則なのでa new regulationとするとよいでしょう。~ determined to force manufactures to recycle ~と簡単に表現することもできます。添削では文章の最後にthis regulationとあるのでa new regulation that ~としました。

 

添削後の文章

 

On April 4th, based on the Law for More Efficient Use of Resources, the Ministry of the Environment and the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry determined a new regulation that will make it mandatory for manufacturers to recycle unnecessary personal computers for household use, because the number of them is expected to increase in the future . This regulation will become effective on October 1, 2003.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、3 March 07

 

On April 4, to promote the recycle of used personal computers for household which are expected to increase in number in the future, the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry and the Ministry of Environment decided to impose on computer makers the obligation to collect used computers from October 1 in 2003, based on the Law for Promotion of Effective Utilization of Resources.

 

添削

 

On April 4, to promote the recycle of used family personal computers for household which are expected to increase in number in the future, the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry and the Ministry of Environment decided to impose on computer makers the obligation to collect used computers from October 1 in 2003. The obligation will be1, based on the Law for Promotion of Effective Utilization of Resources.

 

コメント

 

1.       文が長いので、ここから新しい文にしたほうが読みやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On April 4, to promote the recycle of used family personal computers which are expected to increase in number in the future, the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry and the Ministry of Environment decided to impose on computer makers the obligation to collect used computers from October 1 in 2003. The obligation will be based on the Law for Promotion of Effective Utilization of Resources.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(tange, 23 September 06

 

The ministries of Environment and Economy, both decided on April 4 that they oblige manufactures to recovery waste of old computer based on the law for “more efficient use of resources” from October 1,2003. This is for speeding up recycling of spent PCs. Spent PCs seem to increase in the future.

 

添削

 

The ministries Ministry1 of Environment and the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry jointly both decided on April 4 that they oblige would make2 manufactures to recovery collect waste of old abandoned computers based on the law for of more efficient use of resources3 from October 1, 2003. This The decision is intended to for speeding up the recycling of spent used PCs that are expected . Spent PCs seem to increase in the future.

 

コメント

 

1.       中央官庁の名前は長いものが多いので、ここでは二つの官庁が関係していることを示すために添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       法律で強制的に、という意味でmake manufactures to collectとします。

 

3.       難しい名前の正式な法律名がありますが、ここではこの法律の内容を記述して説明してもよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Environment and the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry jointly  decided on April 4 that they would make manufactures to collect old abandoned computers based on the law of more efficient use of resources from October 1, 2003. The decision is intended to speed up the recycling of used PCs that are expected to increase in the future.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 7 September 05

 

On April 4th, based on the law for promoting effective utilization of resource, the Ministry of Environment and the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry decided to put obligation on makers to correct used personal computers as from October 1st, 2003. As the increase number of scraped PC is expected, new obligation aims recycling of used PC.

 

添削

 

On April 4th, based on the lLaw for pPromoting eEffective uUtilization of rResource1, the Ministry of Environment and the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry decided to put obligation on makers to correct collect used personal computers as from of October 1st, 2003. As the an increaseing number of scraped abandoned PCs is expected in the future,   the new obligation aims at recycling parts of from2 used PCs.

 

コメント

 

1.       固有名詞なので大文字で始めます。

 

2.       「使用済みPCのパーツ」と具体的にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

On April 4th, based on the Law for Promoting Effective Utilization of Resource, the Ministry of Environment and the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry decided to put obligation on makers to collect used personal computers as of October 1st, 2003. As an increasing number of abandoned PCs is expected in the future, the new obligation aims at recycling parts from used PCs.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、26 July 04

 

In order to promote the recycling of used personal computers which are expected to increase in quantity in the future, the Ministry of the Environment and the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry jointly decided on April 4 to make it mandatory as of October 1, 2003 for computer makers to collect used computers in accordance with the Law for Promotion of Effective Utilization of Resources.

 

添削

 

In order to promote the recycling of used personal computers which are expected to increase in quantity in the future, the Ministry of the Environment and the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry jointly decided on April 4 to make it mandatory as of October 1, 2003 for computer makers to collect used computers in accordance with the Law for Promotion of Effective Utilization of Resources.

 

コメント

 

マウント60さんの投稿は日本文の内容を正確に英文で表現しています。添削箇所はありません。日本文の文体と似た硬い文体になっていますが、さて、もっと易しく表現できるかどうか考えてみましたが、名案はありませんでした。文章の順序を次のように入れ替えるぐらいです。

 

On April 4, the Ministry of the Environment and the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry jointly announced that effective on October 1, 2003, computer makers will be responsible for collecting used computers under an addition to the Law for Promotion of Effective Utilization of Resources. The addition is intended to enhance the recycling of used personal computers which are expected to increase in quantity in the future.

 

添削後の文章

 

添削箇所はありません。

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Shoji27 June 03

 

On April 4, the Ministry of Environment and the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry jointly decided a new regulation about recycling of used personal computers. Effective on October 1, 2003, personal computer makers must retrieve personal computers they sell once the computers become no longer in use. This decision was made on the basis of the Law for Promotion of Effective Use of Resources and is intended to promote recycling resoures used for personal computers.

 

添削

 

On April 4, 2003, the Ministry of Environment and the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry jointly decided on a new regulation about the recycling of used personal computers. Effective on October 1, 2003, personal computer makers must retrieve personal computers they sell once the computers become are no longer in use. The number of such computers is expected to increase rapidly in the future1 , and 2This the decision, based on was made on the basis of the Law for Promotion of Effective Use of Resources, and is intended to promote the recycling of the resoures used for personal computers.

 

コメント

 

日本文はひとつの文の中にいろいろな情報が入っていますが、要点は「メーカーは使用済みの家庭用コンピューターを回収する」です。Shojiさんは日本文の内容を整理して小文の英文で表現しています。このときに小文と小文の関係を明確にするように(文章全体の論理構成をはっきりさせるように)工夫します。二つの方法があります。ひとつは小文の順序を考えて文章の構成をすること、ふたつめは小文と小文をつなぐ副詞、副詞句をつかうことです。Shojiさんは小文の順序を考えて文章全体の構成を論理的にしています。

 

1.       この情報も大切なので入れました。

 

2.       and でつないで小文と小文の関係をつけました。

 

添削後の文章

 

On April 4, 2003, the Ministry of Environment and the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry jointly decided on a new regulation about the recycling of used personal computers. Effective on October 1, 2003, personal computer makers must retrieve personal computers they sell once the computers are no longer in use. The number of such computers is expected to increase rapidly in the future, and the decision, based on the “Law for Promotion of Effective Use of Resources,” is intended to promote the recycling of the resoures used for personal computers.

 

 

初級問題 57

 

経済産業省が4月3日発表した2002年のコンピューターウイルスによる被害調査結果によると、ウイルス感染による企業の被害額は約4400億円となった。

 

読者からの投稿 13(sasuke, 9 June 14

 

According to the announcement issued by Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry on April 3, the survey of computer virus related incidents which was conducted in 2002 showed that the amount of damage of companies caused from virus infection has become about 440 billion yen.

 

添削

 

According to the announcement issued by Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry on April 3, its the survey of computer viruses related incidents which was conducted in 2002 showed that the amount of damage to of companies caused by from virus infection amounted to has become about 440 billion yen.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to the announcement issued by Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry on April 3, its survey of computer viruses conducted in 2002 showed that the amount of damage to  companies caused by virus infection amounted to about 440 billion yen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(文月、24 March 14

 

On April 3, Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry has published the results of a survey on damage from computer virus in 2002. According to the survey, computer virus infection caused damages of approximately 440 billion yen to corporations.

 

添削

 

On April 3, the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry has published the results of a survey on the damage by from computer viruses in 2002. According to the survey, computer virus infection caused the damages of approximately 440 billion yen to corporations.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On April 3, the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry published the results of a survey on the damage by computer viruses in 2002. According to the survey, computer virus infection caused the damage of approximately 440 billion yen to corporations.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(Valley winds, 20 September 12

 

Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry announced on April 3 as the result of survey on the damage of computer viruses that companies caught a computer virus were suffered the damage of about 460 billion yen in 2002.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry announced on April 3 as the result of a survey on the damage of computer viruses on that companies. According to the survey, the total amount of damage caught a computer virus were suffered the damage of was about 460 billion yen in 2002.

 

コメント

 

文章の対象はわかりますが、内容はわかりません。骨子は「ウイルス感染による企業の被害額は約4400億円となった」ですから、ここを重点にして文章を作るとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry announced on April 3 the result of a survey on the damage of computer viruses on companies. According to the survey, the total amount of damage was about 460 billion yen in 2002.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(Tatsuo, 27 April 10

 

The ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry announced the investigation result on April 3 that was the damage of computer virus in the year of 2002. According to the report, the total amount of damages of firms by virus accumulated on about 440 billion yen.     

 

添削

 

The mMinistry of Economy, Trade and Industry announced the investigation results of an investigation on April 3 into that was the damage caused by of computer viruses in the year of 20021. According to the results report, the total amount of damages to of firms by virus reached accumulated on about 440 billion yen.     

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       The Ministry announced the results of an investigation.という文構造のほうがわかりやすいです。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry announced the results of an investigation  into the damage caused by computer viruses in the year of 2002. According to the results, the total amount of damage to firms reached about 440 billion yen.     

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(mxtomi, 4 October 09

 

The Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry announced on April 3rd that based on its recent survey the financial damage to Japanese firms caused by computer virus infection reached as much as 440 million yen in 2002.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry announced on April 3rd that based on its recent survey the financial damage to Japanese firms caused by computer viruses infection reached as much as 440 million yen in 2002.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry announced on April 3rd that based on its recent survey the financial damage to Japanese firms caused by computer viruses  reached as much as 440 million yen in 2002.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(マーチャン、7 November 07

 

According to a survey of damage caused by computer viruses released by the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry on April 3, the total amount of damage to companies reached about 440 billion yen in 2002.

 

添削

 

According to a survey of the damage caused by computer viruses released by the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry on April 3, the total amount of damage to companies reached about 440 billion yen in 2002.

 

コメント

 

英文の総ての内容がわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to a survey of the damage caused by computer viruses released by the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry on April 3, the total amount of damage to companies reached about 440 billion yen in 2002.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(散歩人、4 May 07

 

On April 3rd, Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry showed the summary of damage caused by computer virus in 2002. The survey said that the infected computer made the companies suffer damage to the extent of about 440 billion yen.

 

添削

 

On April 3rd, the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry showed the summary of damage caused by computer viruses in 2002. The survey said that the Virus- infected computers1 made caused the private companies to suffer financial damage to the extent of about 440 billion yen.

 

コメント

 

1.       最初の文にthe surveyのことは出ていないので、この文章も被害の内容だけにしました。この文にthe surveyを入れるには最初の文を次のように変えるとよいでしょう。On April 3rd, the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry showed released the summary of a survey on financial damage caused by computer viruses in 2002. The survey said that  ~.

 

添削後の文章

 

On April 3rd, the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry showed the summary of damage caused by computer viruses in 2002. Virus- infected computers caused private companies to suffer financial damage to the extent of about 440 billion yen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、3 March 07

 

According to a survey of damage by computer viruses released by the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry on April 3, the total amount of damage to companies reached about 440 billion yen in 2002.

 

添削

 

According to a survey of damage caused 1by computer viruses released by the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry on April 3, the total amount of damage to companies reached about 440 billion yen in 2002.

 

コメント

 

1.       簡潔でわかりやすい英文ですが、ここは おまけのcausedを入れると、文に余裕が出来て読みやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to a survey of damage caused by computer viruses released by the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry on April 3, the total amount of damage to companies reached about 440 billion yen in 2002.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(tange, 23 September 06

 

The damage caused by computer virus in 2002 was investigated. According to the release by the Ministry of Economy on April 3,the total amount of damage given to companies rose up about 440 billions yen.

 

添削

 

The damage caused by computer viruses in 2002 was investigated. According to the release by the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry and the results were released on April 31.,tThe total amount of damage given to companies rose up about reached2 440 billions yen.

 

コメント

 

1.       investigated by whom?という疑問がでるので、添削のように次の文とつなげると良いでしょう。

 

2.       roseとするとthe amount rose form 10 to 20とように比較のものが有るのが一般的なのでreachedとするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The damage caused by computer viruses in 2002 was investigated by the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry and the results were released on April 3. The total amount of damage reached 440 billion yen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 8 September 05

 

According to a survey of computer virus damage released by the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry released on April 3, the total amount of companies’ damage caused by virus infection reached 440 billion yen in 2002.

 

添削

 

According to a survey of damage by computer viruses damage released by the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry released on April 3, the total amount of companies’ damage to private enterprises caused by virus infection1 reached 440 billion yen in 2002.

 

コメント

 

1.       caused by virus infection は既に文の前半で説明があるので省略できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to a survey of damage by computer viruses released by the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry released on April 3, the total amount of damage to private enterprises reached 440 billion yen in 2002.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(tama, 29 September 04

 

On April 3, Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry announced the survey that companies in Japan damaged by computer virus in 2002. The survey said the total amount of the damage in companies counted about four hundred and forty billion yen.

 

添削

 

On April 3, the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry announced the results of a1 survey that how much companies in Japan were damaged by computer viruses in 2002. The survey results said that the total amount of the damage in companies counted2 amounted to about four hundred and forty billion yen.

 

コメント

 

1.       announced a surveyとすると、「調査(すること)を発表した」となるので、announced the results of a survey that ~とすると良いでしょう。

 

2.       前の文との関連で、the total amount of damageとするだけてはっきりわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On April 3, the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry announced the results of a survey that how much companies in Japan were damaged by computer viruses in 2002. The results said that the total amount of damage amounted to about four hundred and forty billion yen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、28 July 04

 

The Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry conducted a survey on the damage caused by computer viruses in 2002 and the survey showed on April 3 that virus-infected corporations suffered damages which amounted to about 440 billion yen.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry conducted a survey on of the damage caused by computer viruses in 2002 and announced its results1 the survey showed on April 3 that virus-infected corporations altogether lost2 suffered damages which amounted to about 440 billion yen.

 

コメント

 

1.       添削のようにするとandのあとも同じ主語が続くので内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       すでにthe damage caused by computer viruses と言ってあるので、添削のように簡単にしてよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry conducted a survey of the damage caused by computer viruses in 2002 and announced its results on April 3 that virus-infected corporations altogether lost about 440 billion yen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(yoshimi, 27 June 03

 

On April 3, 2003, the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry announced that according to its own survey computer viruses caused 440 billion yen in damages to Japanese companies in 2002.

 

添削

 

On April 3, 2003, the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry announced1 that according to its own survey computer viruses2 caused 440 billion yen in damages to Japanese companies in 2002.

 

1.