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初級練習問題の添削 46−50

 

練習問題 46 (5 April 03) (17 July 04) (23 Aug 05) (30June 06) (10 Feb 07) (21 Feb 07)

(28 April 07) (27 Oct 07) (12 Dec 07) (5 Mar 08) (11 Aug 08) (28 Aug 09) 

(6 April 10) (18 Dec 10) (1 Sept 12) (31 Dec 13) (9 Mar 14)

 

練習問題 47 (5 April 03) (21 July 04) (23 Aug05) (3 July 06) (21 Feb 07) (29 April 07)

                            (29 Oct 07) (13 Dec 07) (5 Mar 08) (12 Aug 08) (28 Aug 09) (6 April 10)

                            (1 Sept 12) (31 December 13) (9 Mar 14)

 

練習問題 48 (9 April 03) (6 July 04) (21 July 04) (23 Aug 05) (11 July 06) (21 Feb 07)

(29 April 07) (29 Oct 07) (17 Dec 07) (6 Mar 08) (12 Aug 08)

(28 August 09) (9 Apr 10) (4 Sept 12) (7 Jan 14) (26 Mar 14)

 

練習問題 49 (9 April 03) (22 July 04) (6 August 04) (23 Aug 05) (19 July 06) (21 Feb 07)

 (1 May 07) (29 Oct 07) (19 Dec 07) (6 Mar 08) (13 Aug 08) (28 Aug 09)

(9 Apr 10) (4 Sept 12) (18 Jan 14)

 

練習問題 50 (9 April 03) (22 July 04) (23 August) (23 Aug 05) (21 Feb 07) (1 May 07)

 (29 Oct 07) (21 Dec 07) (7 Mar 08) (13 Aug 08) (28 Aug 09) (9 Apr 10)

(15 June 12) (4 Sept 12) (18 Jan 14) (19 Apr 14)

 

練習問題 46

 

徳島市中心部の歓楽街が、不況による客の減少にあえいでいる。撤退する店が後を絶たず、スナック、バー、ラウンジだけでも昨年は85店が閉店した。

 

読者からの投稿 17(sasuke, 9 Mar 14

 

The Nightlife district where is located in the center of Tokushima City is having a hard time because of decreasing patrons due to recession. Shops in the area have been closing one after another. Even only pubs, bars and lounges, 85 shops closed down last year.

 

添削

 

The entertainment Nightlife district which where is located in the center of Tokushima City is having a hard time because of decreasing patrons due to the current economic recession. Shops Stores in the area have been closing one after another. Just counting Even only pubs, bars and lounges, 85 stores shops have closed down last year.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The entertainment district which is located in the center of Tokushima City is having a hard time because of decreasing patrons due to the current economic recession. Stores in the area have been closing one after another. Just counting pubs, bars and lounges, 85 stores  have closed last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 16(文月、31 December 13

 

An entertainment area in Tokushima city center is suffering from a decrease in visitors due to depression. Stores have given up their business one after another. Last year, eighty-five places closed just counting drinking places such as buffets, bars, pubs, and saloons.

 

添削

 

The An entertainment district area in the center of Tokushima cCity center is suffering from a decrease in visitors due to the current economic recession1 depression. Stores have given up their business one after another. Last year, eighty-five stores2 places closed just counting drinking places such as buffets, bars, pubs, and saloons.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       「現在の不況」と具体的にするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       既に文中でstoresを使っているので、同じものには同じ名称を使うと読みやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The entertainment district in the center of Tokushima City is suffering from a decrease in visitors due to the current economic recession. Stores have given up their business one after another. Last year, eighty-five stores closed just counting drinking places such as buffets, bars, pubs, and saloons.

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(Valley winds, 1 September 12

 

Entertainment districts in the heart of Tokushima City are suffering a decline in the number of customers with the bad economy. There is no end to closing shops and 85 shops, such as only pubs, bars and cocktail lounges, closed last year.

 

添削

 

The Eentertainment districts1 in the heart of Tokushima City is are suffering a decline in the number of customers in the current with the bad economy. There is no end to closing shops closures2 and 85 shops, such as only pubs, bars and cocktail lounges, closed last year.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       徳島市に歓楽街は数カ所あるのでしょうが、ここでは全部を一つにしたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       名詞、名詞句がここに来ますが、動名詞のclosing shopより名詞のshop closuresのほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The entertainment district in the heart of Tokushima City is suffering a decline in the number of customers in the current bad economy. There is no end to shop closures and 85 shops, such as pubs, bars and cocktail lounges, closed last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 14(Yoshi, 18 December 10

 

The amusement area of the center of Tokushima City is struggling to attract customer due to the recession. Some shops in the area have closed. 85 shops, only pubs, bars and lounges closed last year.

 

添削

 

The amusement area of the center of Tokushima City is struggling to attract customers due to the recession. Some shops in the area have already closed., including1 85 shops, only pubs, bars and lounges that closed last year.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「スナック、バー、ラウンジだけでも」を強調するなら、Shops are closing down one after another. Just counting pubs, bars and lounges alone, eighty-five of them have already closed.というような表現もあります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The amusement area of the center of Tokushima City is struggling to attract customers due to the recession. Some shops in the area have already closed, including 85 pubs, bars and lounges that closed last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(Tatsuo, 6 April 10

 

An entertainment district in the city central of Tokushima City is struggling against reducing customers due to the current recession. Many stores and bars closed one after another. There were 85 stores, especially Snack Bars, Pubs and Lounges, closed last year.

 

添削

 

An The1 entertainment district in the center city central of Tokushima City is struggling against a decreasing number of reducing customers due to the current recession. Many stores and bars closed one after another. There were 85 stores, closed last year2 just counting especially Ssnack Bbars, Ppubs and Llounges, closed last year.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「徳島市中心部の歓楽街」は一つだけでしょうから、文章に初出でも定冠詞にします。

 

2.       先ずは文の要点を述べ、それに捕捉を付け加える形のほうはわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The entertainment district in the center of Tokushima City is struggling against a decreasing number of customers due to the current recession. Many stores and bars closed one after another. There were 85 stores closed last year just counting snack bars, pubs and lounges.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(mxtomi, 28 August 09

 

The entertainment district in the center of Tokushima City has been suffering decreasing patrons due to the current economic downturn. More and more shops have been closed. Last year, as many as 85 buffets, pubs, and lounge bars were forced to shut down.

 

添削

 

The entertainment district in the center of Tokushima City has been suffering decreasing patrons due to the current economic downturn. More and more shops have been closed. Last year, as many as 85 buffets, pubs, and lounge bars were forced to shut down.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。More and more shops have been closed.という表現がわかりやすいですね。添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 11(かい、11 Aug 08

 

The entertainment districts in the central part of Tokushima City is struggling with the decreasing customers because of the present economical recession. Stores were closed one after another on account of the recession. The number of closed stores such as snack bars , bars and rounge bars was 85 stores last year.

 

添削

 

The entertainment districts in the central part of Tokushima City is struggling to survive1 as their with the customers are decreasing customers because of the present economical recession. Stores were have been closed one after another on account of the recession. The number of closed stores closed such as snack bars , bars and rounge lounges bars reached was 85 stores last year.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       struggling with the decreasing customersとすると、減少していくお客さんと揉めている(つけを一生懸命回収している)という意味にもとれます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The entertainment districts in the central part of Tokushima City is struggling to survive as their customers are decreasing because of the present economical recession. Stores have been closed one after another. The number of stores closed such as snack bars, bars and lounges reached 85 last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(kk, 5 March 08

 

The entertainment district in the central part of Tokushima City is struggling with a decreasing number of patrons due to the current economic recession. More and more businesses have been closing down and at least eighty-five joints such as snacks, bars, and lounges closed last year.

 

添削

 

The entertainment district in the central part of Tokushima City is struggling with a decreasing number of patrons due to the current economic recession. More and more businesses have been closing down and at least eighty-five joints stores such as snacks, bars, and lounges closed last year.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。jointsは一般的なstoresにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The entertainment district in the central part of Tokushima City is struggling with a decreasing number of patrons due to the current economic recession. More and more businesses have been closing down and at least eighty-five stores such as snacks, bars, and lounges closed last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(dunkel, 12 December 07

 

A nightlife district in the center of Tokushima City suffers from the decline of the customers. There is no end to the number of shops which are closed in this area. As for a bar, eighty five shops were closed just for last one year.

 

添削

 

A The entertainment nightlife district in at the center of Tokushima City suffers from the decline of the customers. There is no end to the number of shops which are closed closing1 in this area. As for a bars, eighty- five shops were have closed just for the last one year.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「絶えない」ということですから、現在進行形がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The entertainment district at the center of Tokushima City suffers from the decline of customers. There is no end to the number of shops which are closing in this area. As for bars, eighty-five shops have closed just for the last one year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(マーチャン、27 October 07

 

The entertainment district in the central part of Tokushima City is suffering from a decline in the number of customers due to the current economic slowdown. Shops are closing one after another. Eighty five shops such as snacks, bars and lounges closed last year.

 

添削

 

The entertainment district in the central part of Tokushima City is suffering from a decline in the number of customers due to the current economic slowdown. Shops are closing one after another. Eighty five shops such as snacks, bars and lounges closed last year.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。Shops are closing one after another. Eighty five shops ~.と一度文を切ってから次の文に移っているので文書にリズムが生まれますね。添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 7(散歩人、28 April 07

 

Steady decrease of customers, which has caused by recession, embarrassed  entertainment district of a central area of Tokushima City. The number of business closing has been increasing. For example, 85 shops, the number of which are only a total of a snack, a bar and a lounge, closed last year.

 

添削

 

A Ssteady decrease of customers, which has been caused by the current economic recession, is hurting embarrassed1 the  entertainment district of a the central area of Tokushima City. The number of business closing has been increasing. For example, 85 shops, the number of which2 are includes only a total of a snacks, a bars and a lounges, have already closed last year.

 

コメント

 

1.       embarrassは当惑させる、ですね。「あえいでいる」はもっと深刻な事態でしょう。

 

2.       the number of which are only a total of ~とすると、whichが示すなにかがあって、その中の幾つかは単に〜の総計である、という意味になります。the number which is a total of ~とすればwhichthe numberを指します。添削のほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A steady decrease of customers, which has been caused by the current economic recession, is hurting the entertainment district of the central area of Tokushima City. The number of business closing has been increasing. For example, 85 shops, the number which includes only snacks, bars and a lounges, have already closed last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、21 February 07

 

The entertainment district in the central part of Tokushima City is suffering from a decline in  customers due to economic slowdown. Shops are closing one after another. Eighty five shops such as snacks, bars and lounges closed last year.

 

添削

 

The entertainment district in the central part of Tokushima City is suffering from a decline in the number of customers due to the current1 economic slowdown. Shops are closing one after another. Eighty five shops such as snacks, bars and lounges closed last year.

 

コメント

 

1.       冠詞無しのeconomic slowdownは不況一般を指すので、ここでは現在の不況という意味でthe current economic slowdownがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The entertainment district in the central part of Tokushima City is suffering from a decline in the number of customers due to the current economic slowdown. Shops are closing one after another. Eighty five shops such as snacks, bars and lounges closed last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(吉、10 February 07

 

The entertainment district at the center of the Tokushima city is suffering the decreasing number of customers due to the current recession. Shops closed one after another. Of snacks, bars and lounges alone, 85 stores closed last year.

 

添削

 

The entertainment district at the center of the Tokushima cCity1 is suffering the a decreasing number of customers due to the current recession. Shops closed are closing2 one after another. Of snacks, bars and lounges alone, 85 stores closed last year.

 

コメント

 

1.       徳島市はthe City of Tokushima, Tokushima Cityと表現します。たんにTokushimaとしてもよいのですが、Tokushima Prefectureと混同するときもあるので、Tokushima Cityのほうが正確でしょう。

 

2.       ~ is sufferingと合わせて、~ are closingとすると表現が具体的になるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The entertainment district at the center of Tokushima City is suffering a decreasing number of customers due to the current recession. Shops are closing one after another. Of snacks, bars and lounges alone, 85 stores closed last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(tange, 30 June 06

 

A nightlife district in the center of the Tokushima City has been suffering from decreasing patrons because of the economic recession. Tenants have kept getting out of business. Snacks, bars and lounges alone, 85 tenants were closed last year.

 

添削

 

An entertainment1 nightlife district in the center of the Tokushima City has been suffering from a decreasing number of patrons2 because of the economic recession. Tenants have kept are getting out of business one after another. Snacks, bars and lounges alone, 85 tenants were closed their business last year.

 

コメント

 

1.       an entertainment districtが一般的です。

 

2.       なにかが減少しているは a decreasing number of patrons number を入れます。

 

3.       Tenants が主語なので tenants closed their business とします。

 

添削後の文章

 

An entertainment district in the center of Tokushima City has been suffering from a decreasing number of patrons because of the economic recession. Tenants  are getting out of business one after another. Snacks, bars and lounges alone, 85 tenants closed their business last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 23 August 05

 

Because of depression, entertainment district at central part of Tokushima City suffers from decrease in the number of customers. So many stores went out of business in a row. Only for snack, bar and lounge, 85 stores shut out last year.

 

添削

 

Because of depression economic recession1, the entertainment district at the central part of Tokushima City is suffersing2 from a decrease in the number of customers. So many stores went out of business in a row. Only for snacks, bars and lounges, 85 stores shut out were closed last year.

 

コメント

 

1.       depressionは「恐慌」と言うほどの経済状況を指すので、ここではrecession (不況)でよいでしょう。

 

2.       現在進行形にすると内容が強調されます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Because of economic recession, the entertainment district at the central part of Tokushima City is suffering from a decrease in the number of customers. So many stores went out of business in a row. Only for snacks, bars and lounges, 85 stores were closed last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、17 July 04

 

The busy quarters in the center of Tokushima City are suffering from the decreasing number of customers due to sluggish economy. One shop leaves the area after another and a total of 85 of bars and the like were closed down last year.

 

添削

 

The busy quarters in the center of Tokushima City are suffering from the a decreasing number of customers due to sluggish economy. One shop leaves the area Shops and stores are closing1 one after another and a total of 85 of bars and the like were closed down went out of business last year alone.

 

コメント

 

1.       Shops close on New Year’s Day. (元旦には店を閉める)というように自動詞で店を一時的に閉めて商売しない、という意味があります。この元来の意味の延長で、文脈から店を永久にたたむ、という意味になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The busy quarters in the center of Tokushima City are suffering from a decreasing number of customers due to sluggish economy. Shops and stores are closing one after another and a total of 85 of bars and the like went out of business last year alone.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1 (マーチン、5 April 03

 

The entertainment district at the center of the City of Tokushima is hurt by a decrease in the number of customers due to the current economic recession. An entertainment store has been closing one after another and 85 snack bars, bars and lounges went out of business last year.

 

添削

 

The entertainment district at the center of the City of Tokushima is has been hurt by a decreasinge in the number of customers patrons1 due to the current economic recession. An eEntertainment stores has have been closing one after another. and For example2, 85 snack bars, bars and lounges went out of business last year.

 

コメント

 

1.       a decreasing number of patronsとすると文に動きがあります。Customersでもよいですが、「よく店にくる客」をpatronsといいます。

 

2.       ここは文を切って、For exampleといって新しい文を始めたほうが、内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The entertainment district at the center of the City of Tokushima has been hurt by a decreasing number of patrons due to the current economic recession. Entertainment stores have been closing one after another. For example, 85 snack bars, bars and lounges went out of business last year.

 

 

練習問題 47

 

ITは今までとは非常に違った技術だ。一言で言うなら「各種の格差を消す技術」と言える。情報をやり取りするのに、距離や料金に拘束されず、また使う人の性別、年齢も問わない。

 

読者からの投稿 15(sasuke, 9 Mar 14

 

IT is very different technology from past ones. Put simply, we can say it's a technology for erasing a variety of gaps. For exchanging information, there's no limitation of distance and cost, and also, there's no regulation about gender and ages of users.

 

添削

 

IT is very a different technology from those in the past ones. Put simply, we can say IT it's a technology for erasing erases a variety of gaps in society. For exchanging information, IT has little there's no limitation of the distance and cost, and also, there's no regulation about the gender and ages of users.

 

コメント

 

ほぼ総ての内容がわかります。No regulation about gender and agesregulationの意味が曖昧です。

 

添削後の文章

 

IT is very a different technology from those in the past. Put simply, we can say IT erases a variety of gaps in society. For exchanging information, IT has little limitation of the distance and cost, and the gender and age of users.

 

 

読者からの投稿 14(文月、31 December 13

 

Information technology or IT is much different from conventional technologies. In short, it is a technology to eliminate various differences. We can use this technology to exchange information without restriction of distance or charge, regardless of user's age or sex.

 

添削

 

Information technology or IT is much different from conventional technologies. In short, it is a technology to eliminate various differences. We can use this technology to exchange information without restriction of distance or charge, regardless of the user's age or sex.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Information technology or IT is much different from conventional technologies. In short, it is a technology to eliminate various differences. We can use this technology to exchange information without restriction of distance or charge, regardless of the user's age or sex.

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(Valley winds, 1 September 12

 

Information technology is quite different from conventional technology. That is to say, the technology remove some gap. We exchange information without limit to distance or charge and restriction of sex or age.

 

添削

 

Information technology is quite different from other conventional technologyies. That is to say, information the technology removes some gaps. We exchange information jumping over the gap in the geographical without limit to distance, communication costs or charge and gender, restriction of sex or and age.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。removes some gapsとあるので、次の文もlimitではなくgapを使うとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Information technology is quite different from other conventional technologies. That is to say, information technology removes some gaps. We exchange information by jumping over the gap in the geographical distance, communication costs, gender, and age.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(Tatsuo, 6 April 10

 

IT is a different technology as before. You can say, in a word, “IT is a technology to remove some differentials”. As you use IT for communication tools, IT is not restricted for its distance and charges. And also, IT is not concerned with user’s sex and age.

 

添削

 

The nature of information technology ( IT)1 is  a quite different from those of other technologyies as before in the past2. You can say, in a word, “IT is a technology to remove some differentials”. As you use IT for communication tools, communications3 are IT is not restricted by their for its distances and charges. And also, IT is not concerned with users sexes and ages.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、わからないところがあります。日本文は大まかな表現でかかれていて、読者の知識に内容の理解をまかせているところが多いです。このような日本文の内容を英文で表現するにはいろいろと内容を補足する必要があります。

 

1.       日本文にもITとありますが、まずは内容を説明してからITを使うのがよいでしょう。

 

2.       「ITは今までとは非常に違った技術だ」は「情報技術の性質は従来の技術の性質と著しく異なっている」ということでしょうから、添削のように丁寧に説明するとよいでしょう。

 

3.       ITの応用としての情報伝達を主語にしたほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The nature of information technology ( IT) is quite different from those of other technologies  in the past. You can say, in a word, “IT is a technology to remove some differentials”. As you use IT for communication tools, communications are not restricted by their distances and charges. And also, IT is not concerned with users’ sexes and ages.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(mxtomi, 28 August 09

 

The Information Technology is very much different from conventional technologies. In short, it can be referred to as a technology to reduce the gap of every kind. The technology allows    us to exchange information with disregard to distances, costs, and our sexes and ages.

 

添削

 

The Information Ttechnology is very much different from conventional technologies. In short, it can be referred to as a technology to1 reduce the gap of every kind. The technology allows    us to exchange information without thinking about disregard to distances, costs, and our2 sexes and ages.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       日本文には、これに相当する言い方が入っていますが、英文では要らないでしょう。

 

2.       distancesについては何の説明もありませんから、ここでもourは要らないでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Information technology is very much different from conventional technologies. In short, it can reduce the gap of every kind. The technology allows us to exchange information without thinking about distances, costs, and sexes and ages.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(かい、12 Aug 08a

 

Information Technology is very different from other technologies which we have ever used. In a word , we can say “The technology for solving various kinds of gaps.”. We can exchange informations among people regardless of distance , charge, moreover, sex and age of people who use it.

 

添削

 

Information Ttechnology1 is very different from other technologies which we have ever used. In a word , we can say that this is “Tthe technology for solving various kinds of gaps in society.. We can exchange informations among people regardless of distance and , charge, and2 moreover, sex and age of people who use it.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       information technologyは広く使われる一般名詞なので大文字にする必要はないでしょう。

 

2.       distance and chare, and sex and ageと二組のペアにするとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Information technology is very different from other technologies which we have ever used. In a word , we can say that this is the technology for solving various kinds of gaps in society. We can exchange information among people regardless of distance and charge, and moreover, sex and age of people who use it.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(kk, 5 March 08

 

IT(=Information Technology) is another kind of technology than conventional ones. IT is, in a word, a technology for eliminating various differences. When you interact with others by using IT, you would feel free of the difference of distances and the communication charge. Also, anyone can use the technology without concern for the difference of genders and ages.

 

添削

 

IT(=Information Technology)(IT) is a different1 another kind of technology than from other conventional ones. IT is, in a word, a technology for eliminating various differences. When you interact with others by using IT, you would feel free of the difference of in the distances and the communication costs charge. Also, anyone can use the technology without concern for the difference of in genders and ages.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       another kind もう一つ種類の、でたくさん種類のある技術のうちの一つ、という意味になります。「非常に違った技術」ということが強調されません。

 

添削後の文章

 

Information Technology(IT) is a different kind of technology from other conventional ones. IT is, in a word, a technology for eliminating various differences. When you interact with others by using IT, you would feel free of the difference in the distance and communication costs . Also, anyone can use the technology without concern for the difference in genders and ages.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(dunkel, 13 December 07

 

An information technology (IT) has a different characteristic from the general technologies. In short, IT erases various kinds of differentiations between people. When people use IT for sending or receiving information, they never mind distance, fee, gender and ages.

 

添削

 

An iInformation technology (IT) has a different characteristic from other the general technologies. In short, IT erases various kinds of differentiations differences between people. When people use IT for sending or receiving information, they never mind distances1, fees, genders and ages.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       いろいろな人と通信するときのさまざまな距離という意味で可算名詞の複数形にするとよいでしょう。ほかのも同様に複数形にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Information technology (IT) has a different characteristic from other technologies. In short, IT erases various kinds of differences between people. When people use IT for sending or receiving information, they never mind distances, fees, genders and ages.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(マーチャン、29 October 07

 

IT is quite different from traditional technologies. In a word, IT is the technology of filling various gaps in society. For example, to exchange information with others by the use of IT technology, users do not need to think the distance and charge of communications. Moreover, applications of IT can be used by anyone regardless of sex and age.

 

添削

 

Information technology (IT) is quite different from traditional technologies. In a word, IT is the technology of filling various gaps in society. For example, to exchange information with others by the use of IT technology, users do not need to think the distance and charge of communications. Moreover, applications of IT can be used by anyone regardless of sex and age.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。「距離や料金に拘束されず、また使う人の性別、年齢も問わない。」を二つの文に分けて表現し、二番目の文はapplications of ITについて述べてあるので内容がよくわかります。最初のITには説明を入れたほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Information technology (IT) is quite different from traditional technologies. In a word, IT is the technology of filling various gaps in society. For example, to exchange information with others by the use of IT technology, users do not need to think the distance and charge of communications. Moreover, applications of IT can be used by anyone regardless of sex and age.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(散歩人、29 April 07

 

IT is the technology that has not appeared before. The technology can be regarded as "Technology which eliminates several differences", in a word. We can exchange information using IT technology, which do not restrict distance and a charge and which do not ask human nature distinction and age.

 

添削

 

IT is the a new type of1 technology that has not appeared before. The In a word, IT technology can be regarded as "Ttechnology which eliminates several differences gaps in society.", in a word. We can exchange information using IT technology without considering the , which do not restrict distance and or costs of communications and the age and sex of users a charge and which do not ask human nature distinction and age2.

 

1.       今までの現れたことのない「新しいタイプの」技術だ、とするとよいでしょう。the technologyとすると文の意味が不明確になります。

 

2.       IT technology does not restrict the distance and costs of communications.IT技術は通信の距離と費用を制限しない。」とすると、翻訳した日本文は内容がわかるような気がしますが、英文では、IT技術という主体が、「通信の距離と費用」を目的語を何らかの(まだ文にのべられていない)ものについて制限することはない、となり意味がわからなくなります。IT technology does not restrict communications to any given distance. IT技術は通信をある距離内に制限することはない。」という表現もありますが、添削のほうが内容がはっきりするでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

IT is a new type of technology that has not appeared before. In a word, IT technology can be regarded as "technology which eliminates several gaps in society." We can exchange information using IT technology without considering the distance or costs of communications or the age and sex of users.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、21 February 07

 

IT is quite different from traditional technology. In a word, IT is the technology of filling various gaps in society. To exchange information, users do not need to think distance and charge regardless of sex and age.

 

添削

 

IT is quite different from traditional technologyies1. In a word, IT is the technology of filling various gaps in society. For example, Tto exchange information with others by the use of IT technology2, users do not need to think the distance and charge of communications.  Moreover, applications of IT can be used by anyone3 regardless of sex and age.

 

コメント

 

1.       technologyは技術一般として不加算名詞で冠詞無しで使う場合と、ここの技術として可算名詞で使う場合があります。ここは今までのいろいろな技術、という意味で可算名詞として扱い複数にするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       「情報をやり取りするのに、距離や料金に拘束されず、また使う人の性別、年齢も問わない。」は一般論で具体性に乏しい日本文です。日本文は、この文章の背景を読者が知っているので、簡単な結論だけでよい、という気持ちで書かれたものでしょう。しかし、英文で表現するときにはなるべく具体的に記述しないと、内容がよくわかりません。

3.       ~ users do not need to think distance and charge regardless of sex and ageとすると、「(コミュニケーションの相手の)性別、年齢にかかわらず距離や費用を考えなくてよい、と続いてしまうので、添削のようにここから新しい文にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

IT is quite different from traditional technologies. In a word, IT is the technology of filling various gaps in society. For example, to exchange information with others by the use of IT technology, users do not need to think the distance and charge of communications.  Moreover, applications of IT can be used by anyone regardless of sex and age.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(tange, 3 July 06

 

IT is very unique technology you have ever seen. You could say simply that IT fills a variety of gaps. Corresponding information, IT does not choose distance, fare, sex and age.

 

添削

 

IT is very unique technology that you have ever never seen before1. You could simply say simply that IT fills a variety of gaps in society. To exchange information with others, Corresponding information, IT does not choose is free from the distance and cost of communication. Its anonymity can hide the gap between sexes and ages2, fare, sex and age.

 

コメント

 

1.       「いままで見たことのないようなユニークな技術」となります。「いままで見たことのある技術のなかではとてもユニークである。」という表現もできますが、わかり難い表現です。

 

2.       「また使う人の性別、年齢も問わない。」は内容が省略されていて何をいっているのかよくわからない日本語です。「そんな問題は出さないで欲しい。」という声を聞かれますが、こういう日本文を書いたことはありませんか?英文で表現しようとすると、日本文が曖昧なことがわかる例にこのような問題をだしました。内容を補足して英文で表現してください。

 

添削後の文章

 

IT is very unique technology that you have never seen before. You could simply say that IT fills a variety of gaps in society. To exchange information with others. IT is free from the distance and cost of communication. Its anonymity can hide the gap between sexes and ages.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 23 August 05

 

IT is a very different technology as ever. In a word, it is a “non gap technology.” Anyone can exchange information without thinking of distance and also it is regardless of gender and age

 

添削

 

IT is a very different technology as ever. In a word, it is a “non -gap discriminating1 technology.” Anyone can exchange information without thinking of distance and cost and also it is regardless of gender and age

 

コメント

 

「各種の格差を消す技術」を名詞で表現しようとすると難しいですね。「使う人を差別しない技術」が一番近いと思います。名詞でなく、技術の説明をするなら、In a word, it is a technology that can fill various gaps in society.と出来るでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

IT is a very different technology as ever. In a word, it is a “non-discriminating technology.” Anyone can exchange information without thinking of distance and cost regardless of gender and age

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、21 July 04

 

Information technology is quite different from the existing technology. In short, it is "a technology that fills gaps of various kinds." You can exchange information, regardless of your sex or age, without being subject to any restrictions of distance or charges.

 

添削

 

Information technology is quite different from the other existing technologiesy. In short, it is "a technology that fills gaps of various kinds." You can exchange information, regardless of your sex or age, without being subject to any restrictions of distance or charges1.

 

コメント

 

1.       情報をやり取りするのに、距離や料金に拘束されず、また使う人の性別、年齢も問わない。」は珍しい表現ではありませんが、さて、英語で表現しようとすると、どうしたらよいか、考えますね。内容を簡単な日本語で言い換えてみると、「地球のどこにいる人とも安く情報を交換できる。」になります。マウント60さんはyouを主語にしてわかりやすく表現しています。もっと簡単にすれば、You can exchange information with anyone in the world very cheaply.とも表現できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Information technology is quite different from other existing technologies. In short, it is "a technology that fills gaps of various kinds." You can exchange information, regardless of your sex or age, without being subject to any restrictions of distance or charges.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1 (マーチン、5 April 03

 

Information technology is different from previous technologies. In short, information technology works to eliminate differences in the distance and costs of communications for all users regardless of their sex and age.

 

添削

 

Information technology is different from previous technologies. In short, information technology works to eliminate differences in the distance and costs of communications for all users regardless of their sex and age1.

 

コメント

 

1.       マーチンさんは日本文の2番目と3番目の内容を情報技術を主語にして次のように言い換えています。

 

「情報技術は、使う人の性別や年齢にかかわらず、コミュニケーションの費用と距離の相違を除去するように働く。」

 

この言い換えた日本文の基本形は、「情報技術は相違を除去する。」Information technology eliminates difference.です。このように日本文の内容(日本語で考えた自分の言いたいこと)の要点を押さえ、英文の基本形で表現できるような形にすることが英作文の基本です。

 

添削後の文章

 

Information technology is different from previous technologies. In short, information technology works to eliminate differences in the distance and costs of communication for all users regardless of their sex and age.

 

 

練習問題 48

 

鳥取市のJR鳥取駅前にある花時計の花の植え替え作業が2月15日、うららかな日差しの下で行われた。白、黄、青、赤の花びらが美しいパンジ1,000株が、直径6メートルの盤面にあしらわれ、同市の表玄関を春らしく彩った。

 

読者からの投稿 16(sasuke, 26 March 14

 

Flowers of the flower clock which is in front of Tottori Station in Tottori City were transplanted under modest sunlight. The 1,000 pansies which have white, yellow, blue and red beautiful petals were planted in the 6 meters clock face. Those flowers have colored the front entrance of the City like spring.

 

添削

 

Flowers of the flower clock which is in front of Tottori Station in Tottori City were transplanted under modest sunlight. The Altogether 1,000 pansies which have white, yellow, blue and red pansies1 beautiful petals were planted in the 6 meters clock face. Those flowers have and colored the front entrance of the City welcoming the coming2 like spring.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       日本文は俳句的な表現になっていますが、英文はこれでよいでしょう。

 

2.       2月15日なので、こんな表現はどうでしょうか。

 

添削後の文章

 

Flowers of the flower clock in front of Tottori Station in Tottori City were transplanted under modest sunlight. Altogether 1,000 white, yellow, blue and red pansies were planted in the 6 meters clock face and colored the front entrance of the City welcoming the coming spring.

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(文月、7 January 14

 

Flowers of a flower clock in front of Japan Railways' Tottori Station in Tottori City were transplanted under the glorious weather on February 15. A thousand of pansies with beautiful white, yellow, blue, or red petals were arranged on the six-meter-diameter surface and added spring color to the front entrance of the city.

 

添削

 

Flowers of a flower clock in front of Japan Railways' Tottori Station in Tottori City were transplanted under the glorious weather on February 15. A thousand of pansies with beautiful white, yellow, blue, or red petals were arranged on the six-meter-diameter surface and added spring color to the front entrance of the city.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 14(Valley winds, 4 September 12

 

Flower of the floral clock in front of the JR Tottori Station at the Tottori City were replaced on February 15 under bright sun. Thousand pansies, which had beautiful white, yellow, blue and red petals, were planted over the 6 meters clock board in diameter and colored the front entrance of the city.

 

添削

 

Flowers of the floral clock in front of the JR Tottori Station at the Tottori City were replaced on February 15 under the bright sun. One Tthousand pansies, which had beautiful white, yellow, blue and red petals, were planted on over the 6 meters clock board (six meters in diameter) and colored the front entrance to of the city.

 

コメント

 

添削後の文章

 

Flowers of the floral clock in front of JR Tottori Station at Tottori City were replaced on February 15 under the bright sun. One thousand pansies, which had beautiful white, yellow, blue and red petals, were planted on the clock board (six meters in diameter) and colored the front entrance to the city.

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(Tatsuo, 9 April 10

 

The transplantation of flowers in the flower clock, placed in front of JR Tottori Station of Tottori City, was conducted on February 15 under the fine day. One thousand beautiful pansies with white, yellow, blue and red petals were arranged on the six meter diameter clock. This flower arrangement colored the city entrance looks like spring.     

 

添削

 

The transplantation Transplanting of flowers in the flower clock, placed in front of JR Tottori Station, of Tottori City, was conducted on February 15 under the fine sky day. One thousand beautiful pansies with white, yellow, blue and red petals were arranged on the six -meter diameter clock. This flower arrangement colored the city entrance and made people feel that spring had come looks like spring1.     

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「春らしく彩った」は直訳では英語にならないので内容を考えますが、難しいですね。添削のような解釈も一案でしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Transplanting flowers in the flower clock in front of JR Tottori Station, Tottori City, was conducted on February 15 under the fine sky. One thousand beautiful pansies with white, yellow, blue and red petals were arranged on the six-meter diameter clock. This flower arrangement colored the city entrance and made people feel that spring had come.      

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(mxtomi, 28 August 09

 

Flowers were transplanted to a floral clock in front of JR Tottori Station, Tottori City on February 15, in the balmy sunshine of early spring. A thousand of pansies each with petals of beautiful colors - white, yellow, blue and red - have decorated the face of the sundial of six meter diameter, adding a touch of spring to the main entrance of the city.

 

添削

 

Flowers were transplanted to a floral clock in front of JR Tottori Station, Tottori City on February 15, in the balmy sunshine of early spring. A thousand of pansies each with petals of beautiful colors - white, yellow, blue and red - have decorated the face of the sundial of six meters in diameter, adding a touch of spring to the main entrance of the city.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。色とりどりの情景が眼に浮かぶ文章ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Flowers were transplanted to a floral clock in front of JR Tottori Station, Tottori City on February 15, in the balmy sunshine of early spring. A thousand of pansies each with petals of beautiful colors - white, yellow, blue and red - have decorated the face of the sundial of six meters in diameter, adding a touch of spring to the main entrance of the city.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(かい、12 Aug 08

 

On February 15, transplanting flowers on the flower clock in front of JR Tottori Station in the Tottori City was done. A thousand of pansies having beautiful white, yellow, blue and red petals were decorated on the surface of the clock 6 meters in diameter and made the front entrance of the city full of spring-like atmosphere.

 

添削

 

On February 15, transplanting flowers were transplanted1 to on the flower clock in front of JR Tottori Station in the Tottori City was done. A thousand of pansies having beautiful white, yellow, blue and red petals were decorated on the surface of the clock 6 meters in diameter and turned made the front entrance of the city into a full of spring-like atmosphere.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       flowersを主語にするほうが文章の印象が強くなるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February 15, flowers were transplanted to the flower clock in front of JR Tottori Station in Tottori City. A thousand of pansies having beautiful white, yellow, blue and red petals  decorated the surface of the clock 6 meters in diameter and turned the front entrance of the city into a spring-like atmosphere.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(kk, 6 March 08

 

Tottori City transplanted flower pots to the flower clock in front of JR Tottori Station under a balmy sky on February 15. About thousand pots of pansy, beautiful in white, yellow, blue, and red colors, decorated the clock face of six meters in diameter. The front porch of the city was colorful like spring has just arrived.

 

添削

 

Tottori City transplanted flower pots to the flower clock in front of JR Tottori Station under a balmy sky on February 15. About one thousand pots of pansy, beautiful in white, yellow, blue, and red pansies colors, decorated the clock face of six meters in diameter. The station, which is the front entrance to porch of the city, becomes was colorful just like the spring has just arrived.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかりますが、鳥取駅が市の玄関口だという説明をいれるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Tottori City transplanted flower pots to the flower clock in front of JR Tottori Station under a balmy sky on February 15. About one thousand pots of white, yellow, blue, and red pansies  decorated the clock face of six meters in diameter. The station, which is the front entrance to  the city, becomes colorful just like the spring has just arrived.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(Dunkel, 17 December 07

 

On February 15, flowers on a floral clock in front of the Japan Railway Tottori station were transplanted under the beautiful sunshine. About 1,000 beautiful pangies with white, yellow, blue and red colors were planted on the clock face of six meters in diameter. This refreshment made the main entrance of Tottori City burst with spring color.

 

添削

 

On February 15, flowers were transplanted1 under the beautiful sunshine on to a floral clock in front of JR the Japan Railway Tottori sStation were transplanted under the beautiful sunshine. About 1,000 beautiful pangies white, yellow, blue and red pansies with white, yellow, blue and red colors were planted on the clock face of six meters in diameter. This refreshment made the main entrance of Tottori City burst with spring colors.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、(1)のところが日本文と内容が違ううとおもいます。

 

1.       多分、温室で育てたパンジを花時計に持ってきて植えたのでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February 15, flowers were transplanted under the beautiful sunshine to a floral clock in front of JR Tottori Station. About 1,000 beautiful white, yellow, blue and red pansies were planted on the clock face of six meters in diameter. This made the main entrance of Tottori City burst with spring colors.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(マーチャン、29 October 07

 

There is a flower clock in front of JR Tottori Station in Tottori City. On February 15, new flowers were transplanted into the flower clock under the warm sunshine. The clock face, six meters in diameter, was decorated with a thousand of beautiful white, yellow, blue and red pansies splashing the front entrance of Tottori City with spring colors.

 

添削

 

There is a flower clock in front of JR Tottori Station in Tottori City. On February 15, new flowers were transplanted into the flower clock under the warm sunshine. The clock face, six meters in diameter, was decorated with a thousand of beautiful white, yellow, blue and red pansies splashing the front entrance of Tottori City with spring colors.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。splashing the front entrance of Tottori City with spring colorsは情景が眼に浮かぶ表現ですね。添削箇所はありません。

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(散歩人、29 April 07

 

The flowers of the flower clock in front of JR Tottori Station in Tottori City were transplanted a fine day on February 15. The clock's board with six meters in diameter was decorated with 1000 beautiful Pansies which have white, yellow, blue and red petal. The gateway to Tottori City was decked with the clock in spring season.

 

添削

 

On February 151, Tthe flowers of the flower clock in front of JR Tottori Station in Tottori City were transplanted a on the warm and fine day on February 15. The face of the clock's board with ( six meters in diameter) was decorated with 1,000 beautiful white, yellow, blue and red Ppansies which have white, yellow, blue and red petal. The gateway to Tottori City was decked with the flower clock to welcome2 in the spring season.

 

コメント

 

1.       これを文末に置くと、on the warm and fine day on February 15と二つ重なるので、文頭にもって来ました。「うららかな日差しの下で」は春めいた暖かな日差しの下に」という気分が入っているのでしょう。

 

2.       to welcome the springとすると情景がよくなるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February 15, the flowers of the flower clock in front of JR Tottori Station in Tottori City were transplanted on the warm and fine day. The face of the clock ( six meters in diameter) was decorated with 1,000 beautiful white, yellow, blue and red pansies. The gateway to Tottori City was decked with the flower clock to welcome the spring season.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、21 February 07

 

There is a flower clock in front of JR Tottori Station in Tottori City. On February 15, flowers in the clock were transplanted in the warm sunshine. The clock face with six meters in diameter were decorated with a thousand of beautiful pansies with white, yellow, blue, and red. The front entrance in Tottori City is filled with spring color.

 

添削

 

There is a flower clock in front of JR Tottori Station in Tottori City1. On February 15, new flowers in the clock were transplanted2 into the flower clock under the warm sunshine. The clock face, with six meters in diameter, were was decorated with a thousand of beautiful white, yellow, blue and red pansies  with white, yellow, blue, and red. splashing Tthe front entrance in of Tottori City is filled with spring colors3.

 

コメント

 

1.       「鳥取市のJR鳥取駅前にある花時計の」という連体形修飾節を独立した英文で表現して内容を簡潔にしてありますね。

 

2.       I transplanted flowers from a flower bed to the garden. のように「移植する」と言う意味なので、温室で育てた花を花時計に移植したのでしょう。

 

3.       「同市の表玄関」は鳥取駅が鳥取市の玄関、ということでしょう。私も鳥取駅に二回行ったことがありますが、花時計を見落としています。季節が違ったのでしょうか。

 

添削後の文章

 

There is a flower clock in front of JR Tottori Station in Tottori City. On February 15, new flowers were transplanted into the flower clock under the warm sunshine. The clock face, six meters in diameter, was decorated with a thousand of beautiful white, yellow, blue and red pansies splashing the front entrance of Tottori City with spring colors.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(tange, 11 July 06

 

Flowers of the Flower Clock in front of the JR Tottori Station in Tottori City were transplanted on 15 February under beautiful weather. Beautiful white, yellow, blue and red petals of one thousand of pansy were potted on the clock face which diameter was 6 meter. The main entrance embellished by the clock gave us the scent of spring.

 

添削

 

Flowers of the Flower Clock in front of the JR Tottori Station in Tottori City were transplanted on 15 February. The weather was warm and bright, promising the spring is coming soon  under beautiful weather1. Beautiful white, yellow, blue and red petals flowers2 of one thousand of pansy pansies were potted on the clock face which diameter was 6 meters in diameter. The main entrance of the station embellished by the flower clock3 gave us the scent of spring.

 

コメント

 

1.       「うららかな日差しの下で」は日本語では春の季語のようなものですが、英語で表現しようとすると難しいですね。under beautiful weatherは見かけたことの無い表現なので、添削のように説明しました。

 

2.       正確には花弁でしょうが、簡単に花でよいでしょう。

 

3.       駅には普通の時計も架かっているでしょうから、花時計とします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Flowers of the Flower Clock in front of the JR Tottori Station in Tottori City were transplanted on 15 February. The weather was warm and bright, promising the spring is coming soon. Beautiful white, yellow, blue and red flowers of one thousand pansies were potted on the clock face which was 6 meters in diameter. The main entrance of the station embellished by the flower clock gave us the scent of spring.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 23 August 05

 

Transplant work of flowers in a flower clock which is in front of JR station, Tottori City, was done on February 15th, fine spring day. Total 1,000 pieces of beautiful white, yellow, blue and red pansies were arranged on the top of the six meters across clock. The clock colored gateway of the city like spring.

 

添削

 

Transplanting work of flowers in a flower clock, which is was1 in front of JR station, Tottori City, was done on February 15th, a fine spring day. Total 1,000 pieces of beautiful white, yellow, blue and red pansies were arranged on the top of the six- meters face of the  across clock. The clock colored the gateway of to the city, bringing the color and fragrance of2  like spring.

 

コメント

 

1.       文の主要な動詞がwas doneなので、時制の一致で過去形にします。

 

2.       「春らしく」は「実際はまだ春ではないのだが、まるで春のように」の意味ならlike springでよいです。鳥取市の2月15日ごろはどんな気候でしょうか。すでに春めいているのなら、「そろそろ始まる春にさきがけて」という意味をこめて、添削のようにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Transplanting flowers in a flower clock, which was in front of JR station, Tottori City, was done on February 15th, a fine spring day. Total 1,000 pieces of beautiful white, yellow, blue and red pansies were arranged on the top of the six-meter face of the clock. The clock colored the gateway to the city, bringing the color and fragrance of spring.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、21 July 04

 

There is a flower clock in front of JR Tottori Station in Tottori City. The flowers of the clock were replanted in mild weather on February 15. A thousand heads of pansies with beautiful flower petals in white, yellow, blue and red were decorated on the face of the clock, giving spring like color to the front entrance of the city.

 

添削

 

There is a flower clock in front of JR Tottori Station in Tottori City. The flowers of the clock were replanted in mild weather on February 15. A thousand heads of pansies with beautiful flower petals in white, yellow, blue and red were decorated on the 6-meter in diameter face of the clock, giving spring like color to the front entrance of the city1.

 

コメント

 

1.       マウント60さんは日本文の内容を丁寧にわかりやすく英文で表現しています。「鳥取市のJR鳥取駅前にある花時計」をどのように英文で表現するかが難しいですね。マウント60さんは独立した英文にしています。私は(鳥取市がこの花時計を管理していると仮定して)次のようにしてみました。

 

On February 15, the City of Tottori replanted a thousand heads of pansies in the 6-meter in diameter flower clock in front of JR Tottori Station. On the sunny warm day, white, yellow, blue and red pansies gave spring like color to the front entrance of the city.

 

添削後の文章

 

There is a flower clock in front of JR Tottori Station in Tottori City. The flowers of the clock were replanted in mild weather on February 15. A thousand heads of pansies with beautiful flower petals in white, yellow, blue and red were decorated on the 6-meter in diameter face of the clock, giving spring like color to the front entrance of the city.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(tama, 6 July 04

 

A flower clock is in front of Tottori station of JR line in Tottori city. On the fifteenth of February, new flower was planed for its clock under bright and clean sunshine. One thousand of pansy whose color were white, yellow, blue, and red were decorated on the plate of 6 meter in diameter. It decorated Tottori station as the main entrance of Tottori city, like we could feel spring had come.

 

添削

 

There is A a flower clock is in front of Tottori sStation of the JR lLine in Tottori cCity1. On the fifteenth of February, new flowers was were planed for its the clock under the bright and clean warm2 sunshine, .and now Oone thousand of pansies,y whose color were white, yellow, blue, and red, were decorated3 on the plate of 6 meter in diameter. It The flower clock welcomes people to Totttori Station, decorated Tottori station as the main entrance of to Tottori cCity, and lets us like we could feel that spring had has come4.

 

コメント

 

英文で表現しようとすると、なかなか難しい日本文ですね。「うららかな日差しの下で」という文の内容から言うと無くても良いような文学的な表現があり、2番目の文はいろいろな内容が情感をかもし出すようにならんでいます。「よこはま、たそがれ、ホテルの小部屋」風の文です。このような文も日本語の一つの型なので、このような日本文をが英語の構文で表現するのが難しいとばかり文句を言うわけにはいきません。もちろん英文にも文学的な表現はたくさんあります。しかし、このような文学表現はたくさんの英文学の本を読まなくては身につきません。内容を簡単に、正確に伝えることを目的とするプレイン・イングリッシュを用いて文学的な表現の多い日本文の内容を表現するには次のような方法があります。(1)日本文の基本的な内容だけを英文で表現し、文学的表現のところは省略する。(2)文学的表現の所は平易な日常的は表現で言い換える。

 

1.       「鳥取市のJR鳥取駅前にある花時計の」を独立した文にしていますね。日本文では長い修飾節が名詞の前に来ることが多いので、このように日本文を分解して英文で表現することが有効な場合が多くあります。

 

2.       「うららかな」は春の日の形容に使うので、bright and warmが良いでしょう。

 

3.       Pansiesを主語にすると表現が簡単になります。

 

4.       文学的表現なので英文で表現するのが難しいですが、内容を取ればこのようにも表現できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

There is a flower clock in front of Tottori Station of the JR Line in Tottori City. On the fifteenth of February, new flowers were planed for the clock under the bright and warm sunshine, and now one thousand of pansies, white, yellow, blue, and red, decorate the plate of 6 meter in diameter. The flower clock welcomes people to Tottori Station, the main entrance to Tottori City and lets us feel that spring has come.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Sue,  9 April 03

 

On February 15, the process of replanting flowers in the sun dial in front of JR Tottori Station was conducted on the sunny and warm day. About 1,000 bushes of white, yellow, blue, and red pansies decorated the large sun dial that was six meters in diameter, reminding people of the arrival of early spring.

 

添削

 

On February 15, the City of Tottori planted pansies1 the process of replanting flowers in the sun dial sundial in front of JR Tottori Station was conducted on the warm and sunny day. About 1,000 bushes of white, yellow, blue, and red pansies decorated the large sun dial sundial2 that was is six meters in diameter, This display3 reminding reminded people of the early arrival of early spring.

 

コメント

 

Sueさんは日本文の内容をよく整理して英文でまとめています。

 

1.       「植え替え作業」を主語にするより「鳥取市当局」を主語にして「鳥取市当局が花時計にパンジーを植えた。」としたほうが文が簡潔になると思います。

 

2.       「花が花時計にあしらわれた。」を「花が花時計を飾った。」と能動態で表現したのがよいですね。

 

3.       ここでは..., reminding people...とするとreminding以下の文の内容がおまけになって読者に与える印象が薄くなります。添削のように新しい文で始めるとよいと思います。Sueさんは「(花時計が)同市の表玄関を春らしく彩った。」を「(花時計が)人々に初春の訪れを知らせた。」と言い換えて表現しています。日本文の表現がとても日本的な言い方で、そのままでは英語で表現するのが難しく、説明すると長くなるようなときは、同じような内容の簡単な文に言いかえるのも英作文の技術です。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February 15, the City of Tottori planted pansies in the sundial in front of JR Tottori Station on the warm and sunny day. About 1,000 bushes of white, yellow, blue, and red pansies decorated the large  sundial that is six meters in diameter This display reminded people of the early arrival of spring.

 

 

練習問題 49

 

境港市内の酒蔵が2月15日に取引先の米国のバイヤーを招き、日本酒の製造工程を案内した。日本独特の酒造りを生で見てもらい、その魅力を伝える取り組みである。

 

読者からの投稿 15(文月、18 January 14

 

Sake breweries in Sakaiminato City invited liquor buyers, their trading partners, from United States on February 15 and showed a manufacturing process of Japanese sake. They tried to have the buyers see directly Japanese unique brewing to find the charm of sake.

 

添削

 

Sake breweries in Sakaiminato City invited their liquor buyers, their trading partners, from the United States on February 15 and showed them the a manufacturing process of Japanese sake. The breweries1 They tried to let have their buyers see the unique way of directly Japanese unique brewing Japanese sake on site and to find the charm of sake.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       醸造元とバイヤーとtheyにあたる人が二組あるので、代名詞を使わずに誰を指すのか明確にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Sake breweries in Sakaiminato City invited their liquor buyers from the United States on February 15 and showed them the manufacturing process of Japanese sake. The breweries  tried to let their buyers see the unique way of brewing Japanese sake on site and find the charm of sake.

 

 

読者からの投稿 14(Valley winds, 4 September 12

 

A brewer in the Sakaiminato City invited American buyer with which had dealing and showed them the process of making Japanese sake on February 15. This was effort to show them a special method of making Japanese sake and to help them feel the charm of it.

 

添削

 

On February 15, Aa brewer in the Sakaiminato City invited American buyers with to whom which the brewer had sold its products dealing and showed them the process of making Japanese sake on February 15. This was the brewer’s1 effort to show the buyers1 them a special method of making Japanese sake and to help them understand feel the charm of sake better it.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       代名詞を使わずに、誰が誰に何をしたのかはっきりさせるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February 15, a brewer in Sakaiminato City invited American buyers to whom the brewer sold its products and showed them the process of making Japanese sake. This was the brewer’s effort to show the buyers a special method of making Japanese sake and to help them understand the charm of sake better .

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(Tatsuo, 9 April 10

 

A Japanese Sake brewer of Sakai Minato City invited his American buyers to the brewery on February 15. The brewer explained the procedure of a Japanese Sake brewing to the American buyers. Showing the buyers traditional brewing of the Japanese Sake directly, the brewer tries to appeal its quality to the buyers.    

 

添削

 

A Japanese sake Sake brewer in of Sakai Minato City invited his American buyers to the brewery on February 15. The brewer explained the procedure of a Japanese Ssake brewing to the American buyers. Showing the buyers the traditional brewing procedure of the Japanese Sake directly, the brewer hoped tries to appeal its quality to the buyers.    

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A Japanese sake brewer in Sakai Minato City invited his American buyers to the brewery on February 15. The brewer explained the procedure of Japanese sake brewing to the American buyers. Showing the buyers the traditional brewing procedure, the brewer hoped  to appeal its quality to the buyers.    

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(mxtomi, 28 August 09

 

A sake manufacturer in Sakaiminato City showed its customers from the US around its brewery on February 15th. The purpose of this approach is to foster their understanding of an attractiveness of sake by exposing them to the production process on site that is unique to Japanese sake.

 

添削

 

A sake manufacturer in Sakaiminato City showed its the customers importers of its products1 from the US around its brewery on February 15th. The purpose of this approach is was2 to foster their the sake importers’ understanding of the an attractiveness of sake by exposing them to the production process on site that is was unique to Japanese sake.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       このような補足説明があったほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       最初の文が過去形ですから、内容から判断して文章全体を過去形にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

A sake manufacturer in Sakaiminato City showed the importers of its products from the US around its brewery on February 15th. The purpose was to foster the sake importers’ understanding of the attractiveness of sake by exposing them to the production process on site that was unique to Japanese sake.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(かい、13 Aug 08

 

On February 15, an sake brewery in Sakaiminato invited an buyer in United States dealing with it and have introduced the process of making Japanese sake. This event aims at having them the process see directly and the attraction of sake understand .

 

添削

 

On February 15, an sake brewery in Sakaiminato City invited a group of1 an buyers from in the United States dealing with it for an on-site tour of and have introduced the process of making Japanese sake. This event was aimsed at giving them an opportunity for observing having them the process see directly and increasing their understanding of the attraction of sake understand .

 

コメント

 

最後の文に構文上の問題がありますが内容は推察できます。

 

1.       多分、何人か一度の招いたのでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February 15, a sake brewery in Sakaiminato City invited a group of buyers from the United States for an on-site tour of the process of making Japanese sake. This event was aimed at giving them an opportunity for observing the process directly and increasing their understanding of the attraction of sake  .

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(kk, 6 March 08

 

A Japanese sake brewery in Sakaiminato City invited its trade clients from the U. S. and showed them its sake brewery process on February 15. This attempt was intended for the clients to experience and be interested in Japanese unique sake making manners firsthand.

 

添削

 

A Japanese sake brewery in Sakaiminato City invited its trade clients from the U. S. and showed them its sake brewery process on February 15. This attempt was intended for the clients to observe experience and be interested in Japanese  the unique sake making process manners firsthand and cultivate deeper understanding of the attractiveness of Japanese sake.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかりますが、「その魅力を伝える」は添削のように説明するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A Japanese sake brewery in Sakaiminato City invited its clients from the U. S. and showed them its sake brewery process on February 15. This attempt was intended for the clients to observe the unique sake making process firsthand and cultivate deeper understanding of the attractiveness of Japanese sake.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(dunkel, 19 December 07

 

A sake brewery in Sakaiminato City invited some buyers in the United States for telling manufacturing process of Japanese sake on February 15. This event aims to tell the good points of Japanese sake by way of directly showing unique manufacturing process.

 

添削

 

A sake brewery in Sakaiminato City invited some a number of1 buyers in from the United States for and showed them telling the manufacturing process of Japanese sake on February 15. This event aims aimed at showing them to tell the good attractive points of Japanese sake by way of directly showing unique manufacturing process2.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       some buyers とするとバイヤーの中から何人か選んで、という感じになります。実際はそうでしょうが、特にこのことを強調するのでなければ、a number of buyersとしたほうが意味が一般的になります。

 

2.       すでの文章の中に出てきているのでいらないでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A sake brewery in Sakaiminato City invited a number of buyers from the United States and showed them the manufacturing process of Japanese sake on February 15. This event aimed at showing them attractive points of Japanese sake.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(マーチャン、29 October 07

 

Sake breweries in Sakaiminato City invited American buyers and showed them the manufacturing process of sake on February 15. This was the project that gave American buyers an opportunity to look at the special Japanese way of producing sake on site and find its attraction.

 

添削

 

Sake breweries in Sakaiminato City invited American buyers and showed them the manufacturing process of sake on February 15. This was the project that gave American buyers an opportunity to look at the special Japanese way of producing sake on site and find its attraction.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。「その魅力を伝える」は「酒造りの魅力」ですが、具体的にはどんなことなのでしょうね。カナダでは家庭で醸造酒(ワイン、ビール)を作っても税金はかかりません。ワイン作りは盛んでワイン醸造用のキットを売る専門店があります。ちょうど日本の蕎麦打ちのような感じです。日本酒も醸造酒ですが、家庭で日本酒を作ってという友達はまだいません。添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 7(散歩人、1 May 07

 

On February 15, a sake brewery in Sakaiminato City invited the business partners of the United States and explained the production process of sake. The aim of this invitation was that partners looked at the process directly and the fascination of sake has been known by them more than before.

 

添削

 

On February 15, a sake brewery in Sakaiminato City invited the its business partners1 of in the United States and explained showed2 them the production process of sake. The aim of this invitation was that the partners looked at the process directly and understood the fascination attractiveness of sake has been known by them more than before3.

 

コメント

 

1.       「取引先のバイヤー」ですから、ただの日本酒の卸売業者ではなく、a business partnerでしょうね。

 

2.       explainは説明する、で文書や口頭での説明も入ります。ここでは「製造工程を案内した」とあるのでshowed them the processがよいでしょう。

 

3.       that節に二つの内容があり、andでつながっている構造ですね。andのあとの主語もandの前と同じにすると文が簡単になり内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February 15, a sake brewery in Sakaiminato City invited its business partners in the United States and showed them the production process of sake. The aim of this invitation was that the partners looked at the process directly and understood the attractiveness of sake more than before.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、21 February 07

 

Sake breweries in Sakaiminato City invited American buyers and showed the manufacturing process of sake to them on February 15. This is the project that the buyers really look at the Japanese-special way of producing sake and know its attraction.

 

添削

 

Sake breweries in Sakaiminato City invited American buyers and showed them1 the manufacturing process of sake to them on February 15. This is was the project that gave the American buyers an opportunity2 to really look at the special Japanese -special way of producing sake on site and know find its attraction.

 

コメント

 

1.       文の前半にAmerican buyersが出てくるのでshowed them ~とすると関連がはっきりします。

 

2.       添削のようにすると酒造がこのようなことを希望して企画した、ということがはっきりするでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Sake breweries in Sakaiminato City invited American buyers and showed them the manufacturing process of sake on February 15. This was the project that gave American buyers an opportunity to look at the special Japanese way of producing sake on site and find its attraction.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(tange, 19 July 06

 

" Sakagura"s, which were traditional manufacturers of Japanese Sake, in Sakaiminato City invited buyers from the US on 15 February to show the process of Japanese Sake Productions. The purpose of this attempt is to learn how fascinating Sake is by looking on the site at first hand.

 

添削

 

" Sakagura’s1"s, ( which were traditional manufacturers of Japanese Ssake2), in Sakaiminato City invited buyers from the US on 15 February to show them the process of Japanese Ssake Pproductions. The purpose of this attempt is was to let them3 learn how fascinating Ssake is by looking at the production process on the site at first hand.

 

コメント

 

1.       酒蔵の説明があって読者に親切ですね。sakaguraの複数はsakagurasでしょうが、見慣れぬ単語なのでsakagura’sとしてsakaguraまでが一つの単語だということがわかるようにしました。

 

2.       説明は括弧の中にいれて説明の前後の文の続きがはっきりするようにしました。

 

3.       「酒蔵の目的」が主語ですから「バイヤーに製造過程を勉強してもらう」になります。こういうところが英語構文の面倒なところです。

 

添削後の文章

 

" Sakagura’s" ( traditional manufacturers of Japanese sake) in Sakaiminato City invited buyers from the US on 15 February to show them the process of Japanese sake production. The purpose was to let them learn how fascinating sake is by looking at the production process on the site at first hand.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 23 August 05

 

A sake brewery in Sakaiminato City invited American buyers, their business connections and showed them the way to make Japanese sake on February 15th. It aimed to introduce typical Japanese way of making sake and provide the attraction to them.

 

添削

 

A sake brewery in Sakaiminato City invited American buyers, their business connections contacts, and showed them the way to make Japanese sake on February 15th. It The factory tour1 was aimed toat introduce demonstrating the typical Japanese way of making sake and provide showing the attraction attractiveness of sake to them the foreign buyers2.

 

コメント

 

1.       もう一度主語が何であるか明確にしたほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       文の最後のほうなので、もう一度説明したほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A sake brewery in Sakaiminato City invited American buyers, their business contacts, and showed them the way to make Japanese sake on February 15th. The factory tour was aimed at demonstrating the typical Japanese way of making sake and showing the  attractiveness of sake to the foreign buyers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3 (tama, 6 August 04)

 

On February fifteenth, Sake brewers in Sakaiminato City invited their business partner, sake buyers in the United States and guided them the process of sake production. This is the effort to tell them how attractive sake is, through looking on the brewing process we can find only in Japan.

 

添削

 

On February fifteenth, Sake brewers in Sakaiminato City invited their business partners, sake buyers in from the United States1, and guided them through the process of sake production. This is the an2 effort to tell show3 them how attractive sake is , by making them familiar4  through looking on the brewing process we can find only in Japan.

 

コメント

 

1.       「取引先の米国のバイヤー」をtheir business partners, sake buyers from the United Statesとしたのがわかりやすくて良い表現ですね。「米国のバイヤー」は一般的にはbuyers in the United Statesですが、ここではinvited としてあるので、buyers from the United Statesが良いでしょう。

 

2.       他にも清酒の宣伝をしているでしょうから、anと一般的にしました。

 

3.       製造過程の案内なのでtellよりshowが良いでしょう。

 

4.       この文の隠れた主語は酒蔵なので(Sake makers) show them ~. (Sake makers) make them familiar with ~.とします。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February fifteenth, Sake brewers in Sakaiminato City invited their business partners, sake buyers from the United States, and guided them through the process of sake production. This is an effort to show them how attractive sake is by making them familiar  the brewing process we can find only in Japan.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、22 July 04

 

A Japanese sake brewery in Sakaiminato City invited a customer and buyer in the U.S. to a tour of the production process of Sake on February 15. This is an effort towards making the charm of sake known to the public by letting people have a chance to see the uniquely Japanese way of brewing sake with their own eyes.

 

添削

 

A Japanese sake brewers1 ry in Sakaiminato City invited a group of American liquor importers customer and buyer in the U.S. to a tour of their breweries to show the production process of Ssake on February 15. This is was an effort towards making the charm of sake known to the public American consumers2 by letting people the American importers have a chance to see the uniquely Japanese way of brewing sake with their own eyes.3

 

コメント

 

1.       多分、複数の酒造が複数のバイヤーを招いたのでしょう。

 

2.       具体的にすると文章がわかりやすくなります。

 

3.       わかりやすく、スムースな表現ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japanese sake brewers in Sakaiminato City invited a group of American liquor importers to a tour of their breweries to show the production process of sake on February 15. This was an effort towards making the charm of sake known to American consumers by letting the American importers have a chance to see the uniquely Japanese way of brewing sake with their own eyes.

 

 

読者の投稿 1(Sue, 9 April 03

 

On February 15, several rice wine makers in the City of Sakaiminato invited American buyers and showed them the process of rice wine making. The rice wine makers wanted hoped that this would make American buyers more knowledgeable and more interested in rice wine1.

 

コメント

 

1.       「日本独特の酒造りを生で見てもらい、その魅力を伝える取り組みである。」をSueさんは「酒蔵は、この試みが米国のバイヤーを日本酒についての知識を増加しもっと日本酒に興味を持つようになるすることを願っている。」と内容を言い換えて表現しています。1番目と2番目の英文の主語がrice wine makersと同じなので、文章が読みやすくなっています。

 

添削後の文章 

 

On February 15, several rice wine makers in the City of Sakaiminato invited American buyers and showed them the process of rice wine making. The rice wine makers hoped that this would make American buyers more knowledgeable and more interested in rice wine.

 

 

練習問題 50

 

ストレスがたまりやすい現代、不眠に悩む人たちに「健康にいい睡眠」の秘けつを伝授しようと、厚生労働省は「睡眠指針」を策定する方針を決めた。寝酒頼りの生活に警鐘を鳴らし、睡眠のリズムの大切さなどを盛り込む方向で内容を詰め、今春にも公表する。

 

読者からの投稿 16(sasuke, 19 April 14

 

Stressful present day, Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare has decided to devise a guideline of sleep to disseminate a sleep for a good health for those who suffer from difficulty sleeping. It'll be reported this spring, to warn of the lifestyle of relying on a nightcap and elaborate the guideline with including an importance of the rhythm of sleep.

 

添削

 

Stressful present day, The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare has decided to devise a guideline for good of sleep to help disseminate a sleep for a good health for those who suffer from sleeping difficultyies sleeping in the stressful present society. The guideline It'll will be presented reported this spring, to warning of the lifestyle of relying on a nightcap for sleep and elaborate the guideline with including an importance of the rhythm of sleep.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、細かいところがはっきりしません。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare has decided to devise a guideline for good  sleep to help those who suffer from sleeping difficulties in the stressful present society. The guideline will be presented this spring warning relying on a nightcap for sleep and elaborate the importance of the rhythm of sleep.

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(文月、18 January 14

 

People seem to be under great stress these days. The Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare has decided to make a sleeping guideline to provide people suffering from insomnia with a recipe for "healthy sleep." The Ministry intends to ring an alarm to a life depending on nightcaps and emphasis on the importance of sleeping rhythm. After thorough consideration, the guideline will be released this coming spring.

 

添削

 

People seem to be under great stress these days. The Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare has decided to make a sleeping guideline to provide people suffering from insomnia with a recipe for "healthy sleep." The Ministry intends to ring raise the an alarm of danger of to a life depending on nightcaps for sleep and emphasisze on the importance of keeping a good sleeping rhythm. After thorough consideration of a draft, the guideline will be released this coming spring.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

People seem to be under great stress these days. The Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare has decided to make a sleeping guideline to provide people suffering from insomnia with a recipe for "healthy sleep." The Ministry intends to raise the alarm of danger of  depending on nightcaps for sleep and emphasize the importance of keeping a good sleeping rhythm. After thorough consideration of a draft, the guideline will be released this coming spring.

 

 

読者からの投稿 14(Valley winds, 4 September 12

 

The Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry decided the policy of developing the “Guideline of Sleep” so that at the stressful present day sleepless people would be helped know the key to a healthy sleep. The ministry will decide the content including warning against sleep depending on nightcap, taking good care of the rhythm of the sleep and will announce it this spring

 

添削

 

The Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry decided to the policy of developing the “Guideline for of Healthy Sleeping” so that sleepless people in at the stressful present day sleepless people would be helped by knowing the key to a healthy sleeping. The ministry will decide the contents of the guideline, including warning against sleep depending on nightcap, and taking good care of the rhythm of the sleep. and The ministry1 will announce the guideline it this spring

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       ここからは内容が違うので新しい文にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry decided to develop the “Guideline for Healthy Sleeping” so that sleepless people in the stressful present day would be helped by knowing the key to healthy sleeping. The ministry will decide the contents of the guideline, including warning against sleep depending on nightcap, and taking good care of the rhythm of sleep.  The ministry will announce the guideline this spring

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(OKEN, 15 June 12

 

Recently, we tend to accumulate stress in our mind. In order to provide tips to people worried about insomnia on how to get “healthy sleeping”, Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry has decided to draw up “Guideline for sleeping”. They will discuss the content of the guideline considering raising an alarm over unhealthy lifestyles such as depending on nightcap for sleeping and including items such as importance of sleeping rhythm in it. This spring, they are going to release it.

 

添削

 

Recently, we tend to accumulate stress in our minds and bodies that prevent us from sleeping well1. In order to provide tips to people worried about insomnia on how to get “healthy sleeping”, Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry has decided to draw up the “Guideline for Good sSleeping”. They will discuss the contents of the guideline considering raising an alarm over unhealthy lifestyles such as depending on a nightcap for sleeping and including items such as the importance of sleeping rhythm in it. This spring, they are going to release the guideline2 it.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       このような説明を補足すると、次の文とのつながりが良くなります。

 

2.       代名詞より既出の名詞を使う方がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Recently, we tend to accumulate stress in our minds and bodies that prevent us from sleeping well. In order to provide tips to people worried about insomnia on how to get “healthy sleeping”, Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry has decided to draw up the “Guideline for Good Sleeping”. They will discuss the contents of the guideline considering raising an alarm over unhealthy lifestyles such as depending on a nightcap for sleeping and including items such as the importance of sleeping rhythm. This spring, they are going to release the guideline.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(Tatsuo, 9 April 10

 

Nowadays, everybody is easily gets the stress of their lives. The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare decided to work out “the guideline of a sleep.” The guideline was likely to convey the key of “a good sleep for health” to the people troubled insomnia. The Ministry will publicize the guideline this spring.  The guideline is considered to alert the people stop drinking before a sleep and tell the importance of a cycle of a sleep. 

 

添削

 

Nowadays, everybody anyone1 is can get easily gets the stressed in his daily life of their lives. The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare has decided to develop work out “the guideline for of a good sleep.” The guideline was is likely to convey a key message that the key of “a good sleep is key to for health” to the people troubled by insomnia. The Ministry will publicize the guideline this spring.  The guideline will2 is considered to alert the people not to depend on liquor for sleep and stop drinking before going to bed, and a sleep and tell them the importance of a natural cycle of a sleep. 

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、分かり難いところがあります。

 

1.       everybody「誰でもみんな」とanybody 「特定に人に限らずどんな人でも誰も」では意味が違いますね。ここではanybodyでしょう。

 

2.       簡単にwillでよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nowadays, anyone can get easily stressed in his daily life. The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare has decided to develop “the guideline for good sleep.” The guideline is likely to convey a key message that good sleep is key to health” to people troubled by insomnia. The Ministry will publicize the guideline this spring. The guideline will alert people not to depend on liquor for sleep and stop drinking before going to bed, and tell them the importance of a natural cycle of sleep. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(mxtomi, 28 August 09

 

In an effort to disseminate the know-how of “good sleep for health” to those suffering from insomnia in this high-stress society, the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare has decided to issue guidelines for good sleep. The ministry intends to warn against people’s easy habit of having a nightcap and to emphasize the importance of the rhythm of sleep instead. It will work out the details along these outlines and publish the guidelines this spring.

 

添削

 

In an effort to disseminate the know-how of “good sleep for health” to those suffering from insomnia in this high-stress society, the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare has decided to issue a guidelines1 for good sleep. The ministry intends to warn against people’s easy habit of having a nightcap and instead to emphasize the importance of the rhythm of sleep instead. The ministry It will work out the details along these this outlines and publish the guidelines this spring.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。最初の文の従属節が長いので独立の文にしたほうがよいでしょう。Many people suffer from insomnia in this high-stress society. The Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare has decided to issue a guideline for good sleep for health.

 

1.       いろいろな忠告のひとまとめをa guidelineとします。

 

添削後の文章

 

In an effort to disseminate the know-how of “good sleep for health” to those suffering from insomnia in this high-stress society, the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare has decided to issue a guideline for good sleep. The ministry intends to warn against people’s easy habit of having a nightcap and instead to emphasize the importance of the rhythm of sleep. The ministry will work out the details along this outline and publish the guideline this spring.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(かい、13 Aug 08

 

The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare decided to draw up “The guideline for sleep” in order to introduce the secret of “Good sleep for health” to people who suffer from insomnia in present day , when we tend to have stress. The Ministry examines the detail of the guild line , which will include the warning of drinking alcohol for good sleeping and the importance for retaining rhythm of sleep , and will announce it this spring .

 

添削

 

The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare decided to draw up “Tthe guideline for good sleep” in order to introduce the secret of “Ggood sleep for health” to people who suffer from insomnia by a stressful life in present day , when we tend to have stress. The Ministry will examines the details of the guild line, which will include the warnings against of drinking alcohol for good sleeping and the importance of for retaining keeping a good rhythm of sleep , and will release the guideline announce it this spring .

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare decided to draw up “the guideline for good sleep” in order to introduce the secret of “good sleep for health” to people who suffer from insomnia by a stressful life. The Ministry will examine the details of the guideline, which will include the warnings against drinking alcohol for sleeping and the importance of keeping a good rhythm of sleep, and will release the guideline this spring .

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(kk, 7 March 08

 

In this stressful age, the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare has decided to draw up "the guideline for sleep", which will indicate the secrets of "healthy sleep" for those who have sleeping disorders. It will include the warnings against habitual nightcaps, and the importance of sleep patterns. After examining the contents, the ministry will release the guideline coming spring.

 

添削

 

In this stressful age, the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare has decided to draw up "the guideline for good sleep", which will indicate suggest the secrets of "healthy sleep" for those who have sleeping disorders. It The guideline will include the warnings against habitual nightcaps, and the importance of keeping a good sleeping patterns. After further examining the contents, the ministry will release the guideline in the coming spring.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。「寝酒頼りの生活」をhabitual nightcapsとしたのが面白いですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

In this stressful age, the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare has decided to draw up "the guideline for good sleep", which will suggest the secrets of "healthy sleep" for those who have sleeping disorders. The guideline will include warnings against habitual nightcaps and the importance of keeping a good sleeping pattern. After further examining the contents, the ministry will release the guideline in the coming spring.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(dunkel, 21 December 07

 

We have been under a lot of stress now in the society. Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare decided to make a "Sleeping Guidance". It aims to tell people who suffers from sleeplessness some effective ways for good sleep. It will contain warnings of drinking alcohol for sleeping and also tell the importance of the time going to bed and waking up. This guidance will be published in next spring.

 

添削

 

We are have been under a lot of stress now  every day in the society. The Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare decided to make a "Sleeping Guidance". It aims to tell people who suffers from sleeplessness some effective ways for good sleep. It will contain warnings of against drinking alcohol for sleeping and also tell people the importance of the time going to go to bed in the evening and waking wake up in the morning1. This guidance will be published in next spring.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。文の構造がはっきりしているので読みやすい文章になっています。

 

1.       In the evening in the morningをいれるとgo to bedwake upがはっきりして読みやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

We are under a lot of stress every day. The Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare decided to make a "Sleeping Guidance". It aims to tell people who suffer from sleeplessness some effective ways for good sleep. It will contain warnings against drinking alcohol for sleeping and also tell people the importance of the time to go to bed in the evening and wake up in the morning. This guidance will be published next spring.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(マーチャン、29 October 07

 

In the modern society, people are apt to have stress that disturbs good sleeping. The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare decided to make a guideline for good sleeping. This was because the ministry was concerned with people who drank before going to bed and wanted to teach them that good sleeping with a regular rhythm was important for health. The guideline will be announced officially this spring.

 

添削

 

In the modern society, people are apt to have stress that disturbs good sleeping. The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare decided to make a guideline for good sleeping. This was because the ministry was concerned with people who drank would regularly take alcoholic drink before going to bed and wanted to teach them that good sleeping with a regular rhythm was important for health. The guideline will be announced officially this spring.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。people who drankが直裁すぎる感じなので添削のようにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

In the modern society, people are apt to have stress that disturbs good sleeping. The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare decided to make a guideline for good sleeping. This was because the ministry was concerned with people who would regularly take alcoholic drink before going to bed and wanted to teach them that good sleeping with a regular rhythm was important for health. The guideline will be announced officially this spring.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(散歩人、1 May 07

 

Today, many people feels stress and is annoyed by insomnia. Then the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare plans to draw up "The Guide for Sleep" in order to give an advice of sleep for their health. The ministry is going to released the guide which is going to warn them to be dependent on taking a nightcap and is going to tell the importance of the rhythm of sleep and etc.

 

添削

 

Today, many people feels stressed1 and are bothered with is annoyed by insomnia2. Then tThe Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare plans to draw up "The Guide for to Good Sleep" in order to give an advice of on healthy sleeping habits for their health. The ministry is going to released tThe guide3 which is going to warn people who are them to be dependent on taking a nightcap and is going to tell them the importance of the rhythm of sleep. and etc. The guide will be released this spring.

 

1.       have stress, feel stressedとなります。

 

2.       「ストレスがたまりやすい現代、不眠に悩む人たちに」の内容を独立の文にして言い換えて表現してあるのでわかりやすいですね。

 

3.       この文はthe guideを主語にして、策定の発表は独立の文で文章の最後の置いたほうが内容がすっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Today, many people feel stressed and are bothered with insomnia. The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare plans to draw up "The Guide to Good Sleep" in order to give an advice on healthy sleeping habits. The guide is going to warn people who are dependent on taking a nightcap and tell them the importance of the rhythm of sleep. The guide will be released this spring.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、21 February 07

 

In the modern society that people are apt to have stress, the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare decided the policy to make the guideline of sleep. This is because the ministry teach sleep good for health to people who are worried about insomnia. By this policy, the ministry will give a warning to those who drink before going to bed and teach that a rhythm of sleep is important. The policy will be announced officially this spring.the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare decided the policy to make the guideline of sleep. This is because the ministry teach sleep good for health to people who are worried about insomnia. By this policy, the ministry will give a warning to those who drink before going to bed and teach that a rhythm of sleep is important. The policy will be announced officially this spring.

 

添削

 

In the modern society, that people are apt to have stress that disturbs good sleeping1., tThe Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare decided the policy to make the a guideline2 for of good sleeping. This is was because the ministry was concerned with people who drink before going to bed3 and wanted to teach them that good sleeping with a regular rhythm was important good for health. to people who are worried about insomnia. By this policy, the ministry will give a warning to those who drink before going to bed and teach that a rhythm of sleep is important. The policy guideline will be announced officially this spring.

 

コメント

 

1.       In the modern society that people are apt to have stress, the Ministry of Health ~とすると内容がどうもしっくりと続きません。ストレスと睡眠の関係が入っていないためなので、添削のように独立の文にして補足説明を入れました。

 

2.       「「睡眠指針を策定する方針を決めた」とありますが、政策というほど大げさなものでもないようなので、make a guidelineでよいでしょう。

 

3.       内容の順序を添削のように入れ替えるとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

In the modern society, people are apt to have stress that disturbs good sleeping. The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare decided to make a guideline for good sleeping. This was because the ministry was concerned with people who drank before going to bed and wanted to teach them that good sleeping with a regular rhythm was important for health. The guideline will be announced officially this spring.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 23 August 05

 

The ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare decided to formulate a “Sleep Policy.” Under this modern age when people easily get stress, the policy aims to offer a secret of “Healthy Sleep” to people who suffer from sleepless. The ministry is planning to contain warning for night cap based life and importance of sleeping rhythm in it and going to release in next spring. 

 

添削

 

The mMinistry of Health, Labor and Welfare decided to formulate a “Sleep Policy.” Under In this the modern age when people easily get easily stressed, the policy aims to at offering a secret of for “Healthy Sleep” to people who suffer from sleeplessness. The ministry is planning to contain include a warning for against the habit of taking a night cap for good sleep1 based life and a message of the importance of sleeping rhythm2 in it the policy. The policy and is going to be released in next spring3. 

 

コメント

 

1.       日本語には「寝酒頼りの生活」のように短い表現方法があります。この内容を短い英文で表現するのは文化、習慣がことなるので難しいです。night cap dependent sleepとすれば一番近い内容でしょうが、このような短い表現は考えるの難しいので、通常は内容を説明したほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       a warning とあるので、これと並列にa messageとするとよいでしょう。

 

3.       ここは独立した文にしたほうが読みやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare decided to formulate a “Sleep Policy.” In the modern age when people get easily stressed, the policy aims at offering a secret for “Healthy Sleep” to people who suffer from sleeplessness. The ministry is planning to include a warning against the habit of taking a night cap for good sleep and a message of the importance of sleeping rhythm in the policy. The policy is going to be released next spring. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 3 (tama, 23 August 04)

 

People living at the present time feel stress easily. And some have trouble not sleeping well. Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry, determined a policy to establish a guideline of sleep for keeping people's health and will announce it this spring. The guideline informs such people of some know-how for good sleep. At the same time it warns people must not rely on night-cap and teaches them how important the rhythm of sleep is.

 

添削

 

People living1 at the present time feel stressed2 easily. Aand3 some have trouble not4 sleeping well. Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry , has determined decided a policy5 to establish a guideline of good sleep for keeping people's healthy and will announce it this spring. The guideline informs will inform6 such people of some know-how for good sleep. At the same time it will warns people must not to rely on a night-cap7 and teaches show8 them how important the regular rhythm of sleep is for good health.

 

コメント

 

tamaさんの投稿は日本文の内容をよく整理して、わかりやすい順序の英文で表現しています。日本文には「ストレスがたまりやすい現代」、「秘けつを伝授しよう」、「寝酒頼りの生活」などよく使われる言い回し(日本語の表現法)が入っています。同様の意味をもつ英語の言い回しもあるかもしれませんが、苦労して探す必要はありません。内容を一番簡単な構文で言い換えればよいでしょう。英語の言い回しは少しずつ覚えていけばよいです。

 

1.       Livingは無くても意味はわかるので、無いほうがよいでしょう。短い文なので動詞(動名詞)が二つあると文が重く感じます。

 

2.       Feel stressとすると、圧力一般を感じる、となります。いわゆる、生活のストレスを感じる、は feel stressedとなります。これは I am stressed.と同様に受身形で表現します。英語の面白いところですね。

 

3.       内容が連結しているので文も連結したほうが良いでしょう。

 

4.       I have trouble parking in the city center.というように下線の内容について、「問題がある、うまくいかない」となるので、ここではsleeping wellがうまくいかない、となります。

 

5.       「指針を策定する方針を決めた」は正確には「指針を策定する」、「方針を決めた」と二つの内容が入っていて、tamaさんのように determined a policy to establish a guideline となります。これは政府発表に多い官僚用語で、たしかに官僚手続きからすれば、先ず「指針を策定する」ことを決め、そのための指針を決定した、と二段階で行うのでしょうが、一般読者に伝えるときには簡単にhas deiced to establish a guidelineでよいでしょう。

 

6.       「今春にも発表する」ということなので未来形がよいでしょう。

 

7.       寝酒は可算名詞でa nightcapとなります。Would you care for a nightcap? と一杯、二杯と飲むもののようです。ガブ飲みするのはnightcapでは無い、という意味が含まれているようですね。さて、私の寝酒はどっちになりますか。

 

8.       Teachしても忠告を聞かない人は聞かないので、ここでは単にshowとして、あとは健康に気遣うひとの自主性に任す、ほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

People at the present time feel stressed easily and some have trouble sleeping well. Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry has decided to establish a guideline of good sleep for keeping people healthy and will announce it this spring. The guideline will inform such people of some know-how for good sleep. At the same time it will warn people not to rely on a nightcap and show them how important the regular rhythm of sleep is for good health.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、22 July 04

 

People nowadays are prone to suffer stress. The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare decided to establish "the Guidelines for Sleeping" to give some secrets of "healthy sleeping" to those who have trouble sleeping. The ministry will announce it as early as this spring, warning against depending upon nightcaps, after finishing it up by including the importance of sleeping rhythms in the contents.

 

添削

 

People nowadays are prone to suffer sleeplessness1 from stress. The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare decided to establish "the Guidelines for Healthy Sleeping" to give pass some secrets of "healthy sleeping" to those who have trouble sleeping. The ministry will announce it the guidelines as early as this spring, including warnings against depending upon nightcaps for sleeping and advices about, after finishing it up by including the importance of regular sleeping rhythms in for the a contents healthy lifecycle2.

 

コメント

 

1.       Stress without distress.という句がありますが、ストレス自体は日常生活には必ずあるものなので、それがdistressにつながる場合がが問題になります。添削ではsuffer sleeplessness from stressと説明しました。

 

2.       投稿のままだと、(多分、このガイドラインはいろいろ秘訣が書いてあり)、最後のほうに睡眠のリズムの大切さがあって、その後におまけに、寝酒頼りの生活にたいする警鐘が書いてある、という構成になってしまいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

People nowadays are prone to suffer sleeplessness from stress. The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare decided to establish "the Guidelines for Healthy Sleeping" to pass some secrets of "healthy sleeping" to those who have trouble sleeping. The ministry will announce the guidelines as early as this spring, including warnings against depending upon nightcaps for sleeping and advices about the importance of regular sleeping rhythms for a healthy lifecycle.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Ken, 9 April 03

 

The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare decided to establish a guide line for good and healthy sleep. The guide line will tell people suffering from insomnia how to have good sleep. The guide line will also includes warnings on depending on liquor for sleep and emphasize the importance of regular sleeping habits.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare decided to establish a guide lineg guideline for good and healthy sleep. The guide line guideline will tell people suffering from insomnia how to have a good sleep1. The guide line It will also includes warnings on  against depending on liquor alcohol for sleep and will emphasize the importance of regular sleeping habits.

 

コメント

 

1.       Kenさんは「ストレスがたまりやすい現代、不眠に悩む人たちに健康にいい睡眠の秘けつを伝授しようと、厚生労働省は「睡眠指針」を策定する方針を決めた。」を次のような二つの小文にわけてから英文で表現しています。

 

「厚生労働省は健康的な睡眠のための指針を策定することを決定した。」

「指針は不眠症の人にどのようにしたらよい睡眠をとれるかを知れせる。」

 

上の例のように、日本文では修飾節になっている部分を、英文では独立した文で表現すると内容をはっきりすることが多いです。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare decided to establish g guideline for good and healthy sleep. The guideline will tell people suffering from insomnia how to have a good sleep. It will also include warnings against depending on alcohol for sleep and will emphasize the importance of regular sleeping habits.