トップページに戻る

 

初級練習問題の添削 41−45

 

練習問題 41 (1 April 03) (31 May 04) (15 July 04) (23 Aug 05) (31 May 06) (17 June 06)

(3 Feb07) (13 Feb 07) (25 April 07) (23 Oct 07) (30 Nov 07) (5 Mar 08)

(7 Aug 08) (22 Aug 09) (21 March 10) (18 Aug 10) (7 Dec 10) (20 Aug 12)

(12 Nov 13) (9 Feb 14)

 

練習問題 42 (1 April 03) (2 June 04) (23 Aug 05) (2 June 06) (20 June 06) (6 Feb 07)

(13 Feb 07) (25 April 07) (24 Oct 07) (1 Dec 07) (5 Mar 08) (7 Aug 08)

(22 Aug 09) (25 March 10) (18 Aug 10) (7 Dec 10) (20 Aug 12) (8 Nov 13)

(15 Feb 14)

 

練習問題 43 (1 April 03) (2 June 04) (15 July 04) (23 Aug 05) (14 June 06) (7 Feb 07)

                          (25 March 10) (28 Aug 10) (8 Dec 10)(13 Feb 07) (27 April 07) (24 Oct 07) (1 Dec 07) (8 Aug 08) (24 Aug 09) (29 Aug 12) (15 Dec 13) (19 Feb 14)

 

練習問題 44 (4 April 03) (17 July 04) (23 Aug 05) (23 June 06) (7 Feb 07) (13 Feb 07)

 (27 April 07) (25 Oct 07) (3 Dec 07) (5 Mar 08) (8 Aug 08) (23 Aug 09)

(30 Mar 10) (3 Oct 10) (10 Dec 10) (29 Aug 12) (17 Dec 13) (23 Feb 14)

(30 July 14)


練習問題 45 (4 April 03) (17 July 04) (23 Aug 05) (27 June 06) (9 Feb 07) (13 Feb 07)

 (28 April 07) (26 Oct 07) (10 Dec 07) (5 Mar 08) (11 Aug 08) (23 Aug 09)

 (30 Mar 10) (20 Oct 10) (14 Dec 10) (1 Sept 12) (31 Dec 13) (28 Feb 14)

 (30 July 14) (4 Aug 14)

 

練習問題 41

 

都心の交通渋滞緩和を目指し、ロンドン市当局は2月17日、中心部に乗り入れる車両を対象に、1日5ポンド(約1000円)の通行料「渋滞税」を開始した。

 

読者からの投稿 17(sasuke, 9 February 14

 

Aiming at reducing traffic jam in the center of the City, London City officials started to collect 5 pound/day(about 1,000 yen/day) as a congestion charge from the cars which go into the center of the City February 17.

 

添削

 

Aiming at reducing a traffic jam in the center of the City of , London, Ccity officials started to collect 5 pounds/day (about 1,000 yen/day) as a congestion charge from the cars which go into the center of the Ccity on February 17.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Aiming at reducing a traffic jam in the center of the City of London, city officials started to collect 5 pounds/day (about 1,000 yen/day) as a congestion charge from the cars which go into the center of the city on February 17.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 16(文月、12 November 13

 

In order to relieve traffic congestion in the city center, London city authorities started the "congestion charge" on February 17, imposing five pound (about one thousand yen) per day for vehicles entering into the center.

 

添削

 

In order to relieve traffic congestion in the city center, London city authorities started the a "congestion charge" on February 17, imposing five pounds (about one thousand yen) per day for a vehicles entering into the center.

 

コメント

 

内用のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

In order to relieve traffic congestion in the city center, London city authorities started a "congestion charge" on February 17, imposing five pounds (about one thousand yen) per day for a vehicle entering into the center.

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(Valley winds, 20 August 12

 

For alleviation of traffic jam in the city, London City authority started to impose a toll “Traffic Jam Tax” February 17, five pond a day, on a vehicle that turn into the down town area.

 

添削

 

For the alleviation of traffic jam in the city centre, London City1 authority started to impose a toll called the “Traffic Jam Tax” on February 17., The toll2 is five pounds pond a day, on a for a vehicle that goes turn into the down town area.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       London City, the City of Londonでロンドン市当局の意味になります。

 

2.       前の文がon February 17で一度内容が切れてしまうので、ここから新しい文にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

For the alleviation of traffic jam in the city centre, London City started to impose a toll called the “Traffic Jam Tax” on February 17. The toll is five pounds a day for a vehicle that goes  into the down town area.

 

 

読者からの投稿 14(Yoshi, 7 December 10

 

London city authorities started to levy 5 pounds, about 1,000 yen per day on congestion charge for vehicles entering the city on February 17th. The city try tries to reduce a traffic jame of the city. 

 

添削

 

The City of London1 city authorities started to levy 5 pounds, about 1,000 yen per day (called on congestion charge) on for vehicles entering the city center 2on February 17th. The city try to reduce a traffic jame congestion in the center of the city. 

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

The City of Londonでロンドン市当局という使い方があります。

 

ロンドン市全部ではなくてロンドン市の中心部だけに適用される渋滞税です。

 

添削後の文章

 

The City of London started to levy 5 pounds, about 1,000 yen per day (called congestion charge) on vehicles entering the city center on February 17th. The city tries to reduce a traffic congestion in the center of the city. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(あんこ、18 August 10

 

To ease heavy traffic jam in the city center, from February 17, London officials started to charge five ponds (about one thousand yen) a day on each vehicle that enters into the city.

 

添削

 

To ease heavy traffic jams in the city center of London1, from February 17, London city officials started to charge five ponds (about one thousand yen) a day on each vehicle that entersed2 into the city center on February 17.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       すぐ次にロンドンが出てきますが、ここにロンドンを入れたほうが読みやすくなります。脳の動きは不思議なものですね。

 

2.       時制の一致で過去形にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

To ease heavy traffic jams in the city center of London, city officials started to charge five ponds (about one thousand yen) a day on each vehicle that entered into the city center on February 17.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(21 March 10

 

The Authority of the city of London started to impose a toll what is called “a congestion tax” on February 17 that is charged all of vehicles going into the city five pounds (about 1,000 yen) a day. This tax aims to ease a traffic jam in the city.

 

添削

 

The Authority of the cCity of London1 started to impose a toll what is called “a congestion tax” on February 17 that is charged2 on all of vehicles going into the city centre.3 The tax is five pounds (about 1,000 yen) a day. This tax and aimsed atto easeing a traffic jam in the city centre.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「ロンドン市当局」はThe Government of the City of London, the Municipal Government of Londonなどと表現しますが、このような文章では単にThe City of Londonでロンドン市庁ということがわかります。

 

2.       小文分解した文章の一部としてwhat is called a congestion tax, that is charged on all vehiclesがありますが、文章を再構成するときは添削のように簡略化してよいでしょう。

 

3.       内容が新しくなるので、ここから新しい文にしたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Authority of the City of London started to impose a toll called “a congestion tax” on February 17 on all vehicles going into the city centre. The tax is five pounds (about 1,000 yen) a day and aimed at easing a traffic jam in the city centre.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(mxtomi, 22 Aug 09

 

In a bid to alleviate inner-city traffic congestion, the City of London started on February 17th collecting 5 pounds(about 1,000 yen) a day from those vehicles entering central London as a toll fare, or the “congestion charge”.

 

添削

 

In a bid to alleviate inner-city traffic congestion, the City of London started on February the 17th collecting 5 five pounds(about 1,000 yen) a day from those vehicles entering the central district of London as a toll fare, or the “congestion charge”.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

In a bid to alleviate inner-city traffic congestion, the City of London started on February the 17th collecting  five pounds(about 1,000 yen) a day from those vehicles entering the central district of London as a toll fare, or the “congestion charge”.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(かい、7 Aug 08

 

On February 17, the City of London starts imposing “Congestion Charge”, the toll fee of five pounds per a day (about 1,000 yen), on car owners in order to reduce traffic jams in urban center. The objects of the charge are vehicles driving into the central part of the city.

 

添削

 

On February 17, the City of London startsed imposing a “Congestion Charge”, the toll fee of five pounds per a day (about 1,000 yen), on car owners who drive in order to reduce traffic jams into the central part of the city urban center. The objects of the charge is aimed at reducing traffic jams in are vehicles driving into the central part of the city.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、「中心部に乗り入れる車両を対象に」を最初の文に入れないと文章全体の内容がわからなくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February 17, the City of London started imposing a “Congestion Charge”, the toll fee of five pounds per day (about 1,000 yen), on car owners who drive into the central part of the city. The charge is aimed at reducing traffic jams in the central part of the city.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(kk, 5 March 08

 

The City of London introduced a congestion charge on February 17 in order to ease heavy traffic in downtown. Vehicles entering central London are going to be charged five pounds (approximately 1,000 yen) per day as a toll.

 

添削

 

The City of London introduced a congestion charge on February 17 in order to ease heavy traffic in the downtown area. Vehicles entering central London are going to be charged five pounds (approximately 1,000 yen) per day as a toll.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The City of London introduced a congestion charge on February 17 in order to ease heavy traffic in the downtown area. Vehicles entering central London are going to be charged five pounds (approximately 1,000 yen) per day.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(dunkel, 30 November 07

 

The Government of London City introduced a new regulation called congestion charge in February 17. It aims to reduce the severe traffic congestion in the central part of the city. Drivers who ride into there must pay five pounds (about 1,000 yen) as a toll fare.

 

添削

 

The Government of London City introduced a new regulation called the congestion charge in on February 17. It aims to reduce the severe traffic congestion in the central part of the city. Any vehicle1 that goes into the area Drivers who ride into there must pay five pounds (about 1,000 yen) a day as a toll fare.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

渋滞税を払うのは運転手ですが、drivers who ride into ~  とするとrideに車に乗る・乗せてもらうという意味があるので、すこしわかり難くなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Government of London introduced a new regulation called the congestion charge on February 17. It aims to reduce the severe traffic congestion in the central part of the city. Any vehicle that goes into the area must pay five pounds (about 1,000 yen) a day as a toll fare.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(マーチャン、23 October 07

 

To reduce traffic jams in the central part of London, London City Hall started charging a congestion fee of 5 pounds or about 1,000 yen a day on a vehicle which entered into the area.

 

添削

 

To reduce traffic jams in the central part of London, London City Hall started charging a congestion fee of 5 pounds or about 1,000 yen a day on a vehicle which entered into the area.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 6(散歩人、25 April 07

 

In order to reduce traffic jams in the midtown area, the London authorities started to impose a congestion charge the amount of which is 5 ponds (about 1,000 yen) per day on cars which enter the midtown area on February 2.

 

添削

 

In order to reduce traffic jams in the midtown area, the London authorities started to impose a congestion charge the amount of which is of 5 ponds (about 1,000 yen) per day on cars which enter the midtown area starting1 on February 2.

 

コメント

 

1.       on February 2を文のどこに入れるか迷いますね。文頭に入れるか、添削のようにするとよいでしょう。投稿のままだと、2月2日に中心部に乗り入れる車だけに課税する、と誤読できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

In order to reduce traffic jams in the midtown area, the London authorities started to impose a congestion charge of 5 ponds (about 1,000 yen) per day on cars which enter the midtown area starting on February 2.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(岩ちゃん、13 February 07

 

To reduce traffic jams in the central part of London City, London city hall started charging 5 pounds or about 1,000 yen a day to vehicles which entered its area as a toll or a congestion charge.

 

添削

 

To reduce traffic jams in the central part of London City, London cCity hHall started charging a congestion fee of1 5 pounds or about 1,000 yen a day to on a vehicles which entered into the its area as a toll or a congestion charge.

 

コメント

 

1.       ここに入れると文が簡単になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

To reduce traffic jams in the central part of London, London City Hall started charging a congestion fee of 5 pounds or about 1,000 yen a day on a vehicle which entered into the  area.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(吉、3 February 07

 

In order to ease central London's heavy traffic, the London city authorities introduced the congestion charge on 17th of February, which imposes five pounds (about 1,000 yen) per day on vehicles entering the center of the city.

 

添削

 

In order to ease heavy traffic in central London's heavy traffic1, the City of London2 city authorities introduced the a congestion charge on the17th of February, which imposesd five pounds (about 1,000 yen) per day on vehicles entering the center of the city.

 

コメント

 

1.       central London’s heavy trafficというように名詞の所有格を使って名詞を連結する用法は、表現を短くするために新聞、雑誌で使われていますが、ここでは一般的な叙述文の用法を使ってheavy traffic in central Londonにしました。所有格を使う名詞の連結は「都心の交通渋滞」という日本語の用法に似てきていますね。

 

2.       the city authorities in Londonとも表現できますが、the City of Londonで通常はロンドン市当局、の意味になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

In order to ease heavy traffic in central London, the City of London introduced a congestion charge on the17th of February, which imposed five pounds (about 1,000 yen) per day on vehicles entering the center of the city.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(cookcookie, 17 June 06

 

For the sake of a solution of traffic jam in the urban center, London authority started "traffic jam tax" on 17th February. It costs 5 ponds(about 1000 yen) per day and targets cars which go into the center of the city.

 

添削

 

For the sake of a solution of to the1 traffic jam in the urban center, the City of London2 authority started a "traffic jam tax" on the17th of February3. It costs 5 ponds(about 1000 yen) per day and targets cars which go into the center of the city.

 

コメント

 

1.       jamは交通渋滞という意味もある可算名詞なので冠詞がつきます。ここでは「ロンドンの都心の交通渋滞」という特別なものなので定冠詞をつけます。

 

2.       「ロンドン市当局」は「ロンドン市政府」のことなので、the Municipal Government of Londonが正確な表現ですが、the City of London, the City of Tokyo, the Prefecture of Kanagawa, Kanagawa Prefectureなどでその地域の行政団体を指すことができます。the London authorityとするといろいろなauthorityがあるので対象がはっきりしません。

 

3.       日付の表現はいろいろな様式があり、このごろは簡略な表現がおおくなっています。February 17, February 17th, February seventeenthなどが、私がよく使う表現形式です。17th Februaryという表現もあるのでしょうが、on 17thとすると、これを読むときにon the seventeenthというのでtheを入れたくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

For the sake of a solution to the traffic jam in the urban center, the City of London started a "traffic jam tax" on the17th of February. It costs 5 ponds(about 1000 yen) per day and targets cars which go into the center of the city.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(tange, 31 May 06

 

The City of London has introduced Congestion Charge to reduce traffic jams on 17th of February. This charge is that you have to pay 5 pounds (about 1,000 yen) per day when you enter the center of the city by vehicles.

 

添削

 

On February seventeenth, Tthe City of London has introduced the Congestion Charge to reduce traffic jams on 17th of February1. This The City of London2 charges is that you have to pay 5 pounds (about 1,000 yen) per day when you enter the center of the city by vehicles.

 

コメント

 

1.       to reduce traffic jams on 17th of Februaryと続く可能性もあるので、日付は文頭に置きました。

 

2.       ロンドン市当局を主語にすると文が簡単になります。日本文を二つに分けて英文にしたのがよいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February seventeenth, the City of London has introduced the Congestion Charge to reduce traffic jams. The City of London charges i 5 pounds (about 1,000 yen) per day when you enter the center of the city by vehicles.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 23 August 05

 

For the purpose of reducing traffic jam in the heart of London city, authorities started to collect tool, “traffic jam tax”, on February 17th. The toll collects five pound (about 1000yen) a day from vehicles that enter into the heart.

 

添削

 

For the purpose of reducing traffic jams1 in the heart of London city, authorities the City of London2 started to collect tool a toll, the “traffic jam tax”, on February 17th. The toll collects is five pounds (about 1,000yen) a day from for a vehicles that enters into the heart of the city3.

 

コメント

 

1.       jamは交通渋滞ですが、加算名詞なので、いろいろなところで交通渋滞が起こるとして、複数にしました。

 

2.       「ロンドン市当局」とあるのでthe City of London にします。

 

3.       the heart of the city で一つの句なので省略できません。

 

添削後の文章

 

For the purpose of reducing traffic jams in the heart of London, the City of London started to collect a toll, the “traffic jam tax”, on February 17th. The toll is five pounds (about 1,000yen) a day for a vehicle that enters into the heart of the city.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、15 July 04

 

The City of London authorities, aiming to relieve the heavy traffic in the central city, introduced on February 17 the "Congestion Charge" or a toll of five pounds (about \1,000) per day to impose on vehicles coming into the heart of the city.

 

添削

 

On February 17, Tthe City of London authorities1, aiming to relieve the heavy traffic in the central city, introduced on February 17 started imposing the "Congestion Charge" or a toll of five pounds (about \1,000) per day to impose2 on vehicles coming into the heart of the city.

 

コメント

 

この文脈では、the City of Londonだけで、ロンドン市当局の意味になります。

 

A toll of five pounds ~の名詞節の中の仮の主語はa tollなので、to be imposedとなります。しかし、添削のほうが簡単な表現です。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February 17, the City of London, aiming to relieve the heavy traffic in the central city,  started imposing the "Congestion Charge" or a toll of five pounds (about \1,000) per day on vehicles coming into the heart of the city.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(tama, 31 May 04

 

On seventeenth of February, the government in London started collecting "the tax for the traffic jam", the toll of five pond (approximately one thousand yen) a day. The vehicles driving into the center of London are subject to duty to loosen traffic jam in city center.

 

添削

 

On the seventeenth of February, the government in City of London1 started collecting "the tax for the traffic jam", the toll of five pond pounds (approximately one thousand yen) a day2. The vehicles driving into the center of London are subject to duty the toll to loosen reduce the traffic jam in the city center3.

 

コメント

 

1.       「ロンドン市当局」はthe Municipal Government of Londonが正式でしょうが、このような文脈の時にはthe City of Londonでも良いです。

 

2.       日本文の内容を整理して、二つの英文で表現したのが良いですね。

 

3.       投稿の表現で読者に内容はわかるとおもいますが、「なぜ渋滞税を課すと渋滞が減少するのか?」を説明するには次のような補足説明が必要になります。The vehicles driving into the center of London are subject to the toll and the City of London hopes that this will discourage people from using private cars to go to the center of City and will reduce the traffic jam.

 

添削後の文章

 

On the seventeenth of February, the City of London started collecting "the tax for the traffic jam", the toll of five pounds (approximately one thousand yen) a day. The vehicles driving into the center of London are subject to the toll to reduce the traffic jam in the city center.

 

読者からの投稿 1(NANA1 April 03

 

On February 17, the City of London started a congestion tax of five pounds (about 1,000 yen) a day on any vehicle entering into the central area of the city to the reduce traffic congestion in the city center.

 

添削

 

On February 17, the City of London1 started imposing a congestion tax of five pounds (about 1,000 yen) a day on any vehicle entering into the central area of the city to the reduce traffic congestion in the city center2.

 

コメント

 

いろいろな内容が凝縮されている日本文ですが、NANAさんのように文の要点(ロンドン市当局は渋滞税を開始した)を捕らえれば英文で表現することがやさしくなります。文の要点を見つけるには、「この文の内容を一番短く言うにはどうしたらよいか?」と考えることです。The City of London started a congestion tax.が上の日本文の内容の一番簡単な英文の表現になります。

 

1.       「ロンドン市当局」はthe Municipal Government of the City of Londonですが、簡単にthe City of Londonでよいです。

 

2.       すでに文の中にany vehicle entering into the central area of the cityとあるので、重複を避けるために省略します。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February 17, the City of London started imposing a congestion tax of five pounds (about 1,000 yen) a day on any vehicle entering into the central area of the city to reduce traffic congestion.

 

 

練習問題 42

 

花粉症の季節がやってきた。今年は近畿から関東でスギ花粉がかなり多いと予測されている。花粉症の予防には花粉が本格的に飛ぶ前から薬を飲むことが効果的だ。

 

読者からの投稿 18(sasuke, 15 February 14

 

Hay fever season has come. This year, it is predicted that there will be extremely much cedar pollen from Kinki to Kanto area. Taking medicines before spreading the pollen widely is effective to prevent hay fever.

 

添削

 

The Hhay fever season has come. This year, it is predicted that there will be extremely a large amount of1 much cedar pollen from the Kinki to Kanto area. Taking medicines before spreading the pollen starts widely spreading is effective to prevent hay fever.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       there will be much more pollen than last yearか、または添削のような表現になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The hay fever season has come. This year, it is predicted that there will be extremely a large amount of cedar pollen from the Kinki to Kanto area. Taking medicines before the pollen starts widely spreading is effective to prevent hay fever.

 

 

読者からの投稿 17(文月、8 November 13

 

The season of pollen allergy has come. This year fairly high cedar pollen counts are predicted from the Kinki area to the Kanto. An effective way to prevent development of symptoms is to begin taking drugs before pollen comes flying on a full scale.

 

添削

 

The season of hey fever pollen allergy has come. This year, fairly high cedar pollen counts are predicted from the Kinki area to the Kanto area1. An effective way to prevent hey fever development of symptoms is to begin taking drugs before pollen comes flying on a full scale.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       the Kinki (area) to (the) Kanto areaと省略します。

 

添削後の文章

 

The season of hey fever has come. This year, fairly high cedar pollen counts are predicted from the Kinki to Kanto area. An effective way to prevent hey fever is to begin taking drugs before pollen comes flying on a full scale.

 

 

読者からの投稿 17(Valley winds, 20 August 12

 

The season of pollinosis will come in. It is predicated that there are very much Japanese ceder’s pollen from Kinki area to Kanto this year. Effective prevention of pollinosis is to take medicine before the middle of active suspending pollen.

 

添削

 

The season of pollinosis hey fever1 has will come in. It is predicated that there will be are very much more pollen such as those of Japanese ceders cedars pollen from the Kinki area to Kanto area this year than usual. Effective prevention of hey fever pollinosis is to take medicine before the pollen starts flying in the air in a large quantity the middle of active suspending pollen2.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、わからないところがあります。

 

1.       北米ではhay feverと普通よびます。

 

2.       文の形で内容を説明するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後文章

 

The season of hey fever has come. It is predicated that there will be much more pollen such as those of Japanese cedars from the Kinki area to Kanto area this year than usual. Effective prevention of hey fever is to take medicine before the pollen starts flying in the air in a large quantity.

 

 

読者からの投稿 16(Yoshi, 7 December 10

 

The hay fever season has started. This year many seder pollen will be expected from Kinki to Kanto region. It is effective that you take a medicine for protection of the hey fever, before pollen really comes

 

添削

 

The hay fever season has started. This year many a large amount of seder pollen1 is will be expected in the from Kinki to Kanto region. It is effective that you take a medicine1 for the protection of the hey fever, before pollen really starts flying in the air in a large quantity comes

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       pollenmedicineはどちらも物質名詞ですから、付加算名詞です。わたしは添削のたびに辞書で確かめています。

 

添削後の文章

 

The hay fever season has started. This year a large amount of seder pollen is expected in the Kinki to Kanto region. It is effective that you take medicine for the protection of the hey fever before pollen really starts flying in the air in a large quantity

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(あんこ、18 August 10

 

Hay fever season has come. This year, much more cedar pollen may be carried by wind in the Kinki and the Kantou areas and itch your nose and eyes. To prevent yourself from those symptoms, taking medicine before hay season begins can be effective.

 

添削

 

The Hhay fever season has come. This year, much more cedar pollen than a normal year may be carried by wind into the Kinki and the Kantou areas and itch your nose and eyes. To prevent yourself from getting those symptoms, taking medicine before the full1 hay fever season begins can be effective.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       既に花粉症の季節が始まっているということなので、ここではthe full hay fever seasonとしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The hay fever season has come. This year, much more cedar pollen than a normal year may be carried by wind into the Kinki and Kantou area and itch your nose and eyes. To prevent yourself from getting those symptoms, taking medicine before the full hay fever season begins can be effective.

 

 

読者からの投稿 14(Tatsuo, 25 March 10

 

The season of hay fever is coming. This year is predicted many cedar pollen growing particularly between Kinki and Kanto area. An effective precaution against hay fever is to take a proper medicine before pollen seriously spread.      

 

添削

 

The season of hay fever is coming. This year, it1 is predicted that a large amount2 of many cedar pollen will fly in the air growing particularly between the Kinki and Kanto area. An effective precaution against hay fever is to take a proper medicine before pollen seriously starts spreading in a large quantity.      

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、This year is predicted many cedar pollen growing particularly between Kinki and Kanto area.がわかりません。

 

1.       This year is predicted to have a large amount of pollen floating in the year.This yearを主語にすることこもできますが、添削のようにThis yearを副詞にして仮の主語itを使ったほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       pollen 物質名詞ですから、その量はこのように表現します。

 

添削後の文章

 

The season of hay fever is coming. This year, it is predicted that a large amount of cedar pollen will fly in the air particularly between the Kinki and Kanto area. An effective precaution against hay fever is to take a proper medicine before pollen starts spreading in a large quantity.      

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(mxtomi, 22 Aug 09

 

The season of hay fever has come. Unfortunately this year, quite a large amount of cedar pollen is predicted in both the Kinki and Kanto regions. Taking medicine before the pollen starts to circulate in the air will be an effective way to avoid hay fever.

 

添削

 

The season of hay fever has come. This year, Uunfortunately this year, quite a large amount of cedar pollen is predicted in both the Kinki and Kanto regions. Taking medicine before the pollen starts to circulate in the air will be an effective way to avoid hay fever.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The season of hay fever has come. This year, unfortunately , quite a large amount of cedar pollen is predicted in both the Kinki and Kanto regions. Taking medicine before the pollen starts to circulate in the air will be an effective way to avoid hay fever.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(かい、7 Aug 08

 

The season of hay fever has come. Observatory forecasts that there are quite a lot of pollens from Kinki to Kanto district this year. To prevent hay fever, it is effective to take a medicine before pollen fly actively in the air.

 

添削

 

The season of hay fever has come. Observatory It is forecasts1 that there will be are quite a large amount2 lot of cedar pollens over from the Kinki to Kanto district this year. To prevent hay fever, it is effective to take a medicine before the pollen starts flying in a large amount actively in the air.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       一般に主語をぼやかす受動態はプレイン・イングリッシュでは使いませんが、このような場合はよいでしょう。

 

2.       pollenは物質名詞で複数形になりませんから、このように修飾します。

 

添削後の文章

 

The season of hay fever has come. It is forecast that there will be a large amount of cedar pollen over the Kinki to Kanto district this year. To prevent hay fever, it is effective to take medicine before the pollen starts flying in a large amount.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(kk, 5 March 08

 

The hay fever season has come again. This year, it is predicted that considerable amount of cedar pollen will be observed in the air from the Kinki to the Kanto area. To start taking medicine before the onset of the pollen season can be the effective way to prevent the hay fever.

 

添削

 

The hay fever season has come again. This year, it is predicted that a considerable amount of cedar pollen will be observed in the air from the Kinki to the Kanto area. To start taking medicine before the onset of the pollen season can be the an effective way to prevent the hay fever.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The hay fever season has come again. This year, it is predicted that a considerable amount of cedar pollen will be observed in the air from the Kinki to Kanto area. To start taking medicine before the onset of the pollen season can be an effective way to prevent hay fever.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(dunkel, 1 December 07

 

The hay fever season has started. A forecast says the amount of cider pollen in the air will be large from Kinki to Kantou district this year. To take medicine before the amount of the pollen in the air is increasing is effective for preventing it.

 

添削

 

The hay fever season has started. A forecast says the amount of cider pollen in the air this year will be large larger than an usual year1 from the Kinki to Kantou district this year. To take medicine before the amount of the pollen in the air is stars increasing rapidly is effective for preventing ithay fever.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       日本文には単に「かなり多いと予測されている」とありますが、「例年より」ということが隠されているので、英文ではこれを入れておきます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The hay fever season has started. A forecast says the amount of cider pollen in the air this year will be larger than an usual year from the Kinki to Kantou district. To take medicine before the amount of the pollen in the air stars increasing rapidly is effective for preventing hay fever.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(マーチャン、24 October 07

 

The hay fever season has arrived. It is forecasted that more cedar pollen will scatter this year than an usual year over the range from the Kinki to the Kanto district. It is effective as protection against hay fever to take some medicine before pollen will fully scatter.

 

添削

 

The hay fever season has arrived. It is forecasted that more cedar pollen will scatter this year than an usual year over the range from the Kinki to the Kanto district. It is effective as protection against hay fever to take some medicine before pollen will fully scatter in a large amount1.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       pollen will fully scatterとすると、地理的に広範囲に飛び散る、という印象をうけます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The hay fever season has arrived. It is forecasted that more cedar pollen will scatter this year than an usual year over the range from the Kinki to the Kanto district. It is effective as protection against hay fever to take some medicine before pollen will scatter in a large amount.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(散歩人、25 April 07

 

The season of hay fever comes here. It is predicted that much cedar pollen flies over the Kinki Region and the Kanto Region this coming spring. The prevention of hay fever is to take a medicine before cedar pollen disperses into the air hard.

 

添削

 

The season of hay fever has comes1 here. It is predicted that much more cedar pollen than usual2 will flies fly over the Kinki Region and the Kanto Region this coming spring. The best way to prevention of hay fever is to take a medicine before cedar pollen disperses into the air hard in a large amount.

 

コメント

 

1.       シーズンが到来した、と完了形がよいでしょう。

 

2.       「今年は(例年に較べて)」という意味でしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The season of hay fever has come here. It is predicted that much more cedar pollen than usual will fly over the Kinki Region and the Kanto Region this coming spring. The best way to prevent hay fever is to take medicine before cedar pollen disperses into the air  in a large amount.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(岩ちゃん、13 February 07

 

Hay fever season has arrived. It is forecasted this year that cedar pollen more than usual will scatter over the range from the Kinki to the Kanto district. It is effective that as protection against hay fever, we take some medicine before pollen will fully scatter.

 

添削

 

The Hhay fever season has arrived. It is forecasted this year that more cedar pollen more than usual will scatter this year than an usual year1 over the range from the Kinki to the Kanto district. It is effective that as protection against hay fever, we to2 take some medicine before pollen will fully scatter.

 

コメント

 

1.       「今年は(スギ花粉が例年より)かなり多い」という表現を文の何処にいれるか考えますね。比較の問題なのでmore pollen this year than an usual yearと今年と例年の比較にするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       as protection against hay feverthat節の前に置きます。添削ではto take ~と名詞節にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The hay fever season has arrived. It is forecasted that more cedar pollen will scatter this year than an usual year over the range from the Kinki to the Kanto district. It is effective as protection against hay fever to take some medicine before pollen will fully scatter.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(吉、6 February 07

 

The hay fever has arrived. It is expected that the Kinki and Kanto region have a lot of pollen this year. It is effective against hay fever to take medicines before pollen starts flying heavily.

 

添削

 

The hay fever has arrived. It is expected that the Kinki and Kanto regions have a lot of pollen this year. It is effective against hay fever to take medicines before pollen starts flying heavily1.

 

コメント

 

1.       An effective measure against hey fever is to take medicine before pollen starts flying heavily.と主語をan effective measureにすると、表現が力強くなります。一般的に仮の主語itを使った表現は弱いです。

 

添削後の文章

 

The hay fever has arrived. It is expected that the Kinki and Kanto regions have a lot of pollen this year. It is effective against hay fever to take medicine before pollen starts flying heavily.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(cookcookie, 20 June 06

 

The season of pollen fever has come. They prospect that cedar pollen will scatter between Kinki and Kanto this year. It is effective against pollen fever to take medicine before pollens scatter seriously.

 

添削

 

The season of pollen fever has come. They It is forecast1 prospect that cedar pollen will be scattered2 between the Kinki and Kanto region3 in the larger quantity than usual 4this year. It is effective against pollen fever to take medicine before pollens starts scatter flying in a substantial amount seriously.

 

添削

 

1.       「〜予測されている」というように、誰か他の人の言ったことを引用する文章は多いですが、このときに仮の主語They say, they forecastを使って表現する方法と、It is said, it is forecastのように仮の主語Itを使って受動形で表現する方法があります。ここではtheyが誰だかはっきりしないので、itを使った受動態がよいでしょう。

 

2.       scatter somethingのようにscatterは目的語を必要とする他動詞なので、受動態にします。

 

3.       英語圏の読者を対象にした英文を書く、というのが練習問題の仮定なので、その人達にKinki, Kantoが地域の名前を指すことがわかるようにfrom the Kinki to Kanto regionとします。

 

4.       「かなり多い」というのは「平年と較べてかなり多い」言うことなので添削のように補足説明を入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The season of pollen fever has come. It is forecast that cedar pollen will be scattered between the Kinki and Kanto region in the larger quantity than usual this year. It is effective against pollen fever to take medicine before pollen starts flying in a substantial amount .

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(tange, 2 June 06

 

The season of hay fever has stated. A forecast says this year will have more cedar pollen than usual from Kanto area to Kinki area. Generally, taking medicine before the season starts is effective to prevent hay fever.

 

添削

 

The season of hay fever has stated arrived1. A forecast says this year will have more cedar pollen than usual from the Kanto area to Kinki area. Generally2, taking medicine before the season starts is effective to prevent hay fever.

 

コメント

 

1.       The season has arrived.という表現をよく使います。

 

2.       Generallyとあるので、このような予防策をしても花粉症になる人もいる、ということですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

The season of hay fever has arrived. A forecast says this year will have more cedar pollen than usual from the Kanto to Kinki area. Generally, taking medicine before the season starts is effective to prevent hay fever.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 23 August 05

 

Season of hay fever is coming. So much cedar pollen is expected from Kinki region to Kanto region in this year. Having medicine before the seasonal outbreak is the best way to prevent hay fever.

 

添削

 

The Sseason of hay fever is coming. So much More than normal amounts of1 cedar pollen is are expected in the wide area2 from the Kinki region to Kanto region in this year3. Having medicine before the seasonal outbreak is the best way to prevent hay fever4.

コメント

 

1.       「かなり多い」は「(例年と較べて)かなり多い」ことなので添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       「近畿から関東で」は「近畿から関東にわたる地域で」のことですね。cedar pollen is expected in the Kinki and Kanto regionとは表現できますが、cedar pollen is expected from the Kinki region to the Kanto regionとは表現できません。cedar pollen is expected in the area from the Kinki to Kanto regionin the area を入れます。

 

3.       this year, last yearなどは副詞句として前置詞を付けないで使えます。

 

4.       わかりやすい表現ですね。before the seasonal breakoutという表現が良く考えてありますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

The season of hay fever is coming. More than normal amounts of cedar pollen are expected in the wide area from the Kinki to Kanto region this year. Having medicine before the seasonal outbreak is the best way to prevent hay fever.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(tama, 2 June 04

 

The season of hay fever has come again. This year, it is expected that a great deal of pollen will fly from Kinki area to Kanto area. Having a medicine before pollen's flying on a large scale protects hay fever effectively.

 

添削

 

The season of h Hay fever season1 has come again. This year, it is expected that a great deal of pollen will fly from the Kinki area to the Kanto area. Having Taking a medicine2 before pollen's flying on a large scale peak season will3 protects you from hay fever effectively.

 

コメント

 

1.       投稿のままでもよいですが、添削のようにすると簡潔になります。

 

2.       Taking medicine(薬を服用する)という常套句があります。

 

3.       Will(またはcan)を入れると「〜するようになります」といった感じになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Hay fever season has come again. This year, it is expected that a great deal of pollen will fly from the Kinki area to the Kanto area. Taking medicine before pollen's peak season will protect you from hay fever effectively.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NANA1 April 03

 

The season of a hay fever has arrived. In the regions from Kinki to Kanto, the amount of cedar pollens is forecast to be pretty high this year. To prevent a hay fever, it is effective to start taking medicine before the peak season of pollens arrives.

 

添削

 

The season of a hay fever season1 has arrived. In the regions from Kinki to Kanto, the amount of cedar pollens is forecast to be pretty high this year. To prevent a hay fever2, it is effective to start taking medicine before the peak season of pollens arrives.

 

コメント

 

1.       「〜の季節」にはthe baseball season, the recruiting season, the apple season, the cherry blossom seasonという表現が使えます。

 

2.       Hay feverは花粉によるだけでなくて、いろいろなほかのアレルギー源にたいするいわゆる花粉症の症状を指します。家畜の餌にする草 (hay)を刈り取っているときに起こると考えられたので、この症状をhay feverというようになったそうです。北米では5人に1人がhay feverにかかります。「熱が有る」は have (a) feverで不定冠詞はついたり、つかなかったりしますが、「花粉症にかかっている」は have hay feverで不定冠詞がつきません。

 

添削後の文章

 

The  hay fever season has arrived. In the regions from Kinki to Kanto, the amount of cedar pollen is forecast to be pretty high this year. To prevent hay fever, it is effective to start taking medicine before the peak season of pollen arrives.

 

 

練習問題 43

 

簡単な計算で肥満の程度がわかる、新しい肥満の指標を、虎の門病院と独協医大の研究チームが考案した。ウエストサイズを身長で割るだけのもので、値が0・5以上だと、生活習慣病の危険が高まるという。

 

読者からの投稿 18(sasuke, 19 February 14

 

A research team of Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical University devised a new obese index that the degree of obese can be found by easy calculation. That is just to divide waistline by the body height. If the value is over 0.5, the possibility of lifestyle-related diseases might increase.

 

添削

 

A joint research team of Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical University devised developed a new obese obesity index by which that the degree of obesity obese can be found by easy calculation. That is just to divide the length of waistline by the body height. If this the value is over 0.5, the risk possibility of lifestyle-related diseases might increases.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A joint research team of Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical University developed a new obesity index by which the degree of obesity can be found by easy calculation. That is just to divide the length of waistline by the body height. If this value is over 0.5, the risk of lifestyle-related diseases increases.

 

 

読者からの投稿 17(文月、15 December 13

 

A joint study group of Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical University has devised a new obesity index, with which you can judge the level of obesity through a simple calculation. The only thing you have to do is to divide your waist circumference by height. If the result is 0.5 or more, the risk of lifestyle-related illness increases.

 

添削

 

A joint study group of Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical University has devised a new obesity index, with which you can judge the level of obesity through by a simple calculation. The only thing you have to do is to divide your waist circumference by height. If the result is 0.5 or more, the risk of lifestyle-related illness increases.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。

 

添削後の文章

 

A joint study group of Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical University has devised a new obesity index, with which you can judge the level of obesity by a simple calculation. The only thing you have to do is to divide your waist circumference by height. If the result is 0.5 or more, the risk of lifestyle-related illness increases.

 

 

読者からの投稿 16(Valley winds, 29 August 12

 

A study team of the Toranomon Hospital and the Dokkyo Medical College invested a new index of degree of corpulence by easy calculation. The calculation is only that you divide your waist measurement by height. When your index value is more than 0.5, a risk of life-style related disease will rise.

 

添削

 

A study team of the Toranomon Hospital and the Dokkyo Medical College invested invented a new index to measure of the degree of overweight corpulence by an easy calculation. The index calculation is can be calculated only that you  by divideing your waist length measurement by your height. When your index value is more than 0.5, a risk of life-style related disease will increase rise.

 

コメント

 

invested は誤りですが内容の全部が推測できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

A study team of Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical College invented a new index to measure the degree of overweight by an easy calculation. The index can be calculated only  by dividing your waist length by your height. When your index is more than 0.5, a risk of life-style related disease will increase.

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(Yoshi, 8 December 10

 

You can find your obesity with a simple calculation. Toranomon Hospital and a study team of Dokkyo University devised a new obesity standard. You take a risk of adult disease, if the value is more than 0.5, the value is equal to waist size divided by hight.

 

添削

 

You can find your obesity with a simple calculation. Toranomon Hospital and a study team of Dokkyo University jointly developed devised a new obesity indicator standard. You are obese1 and take a risk of adult diseases,  if when the value of dividing your waist by your height2 is more than 0.5., the value is equal to waist size divided by hight.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかります。

 

1.       前の文の内容とよく連結するようにこれを入れるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       計算式を前にしたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

You can find your obesity with a simple calculation. Toranomon Hospital and a study team of Dokkyo University jointly developed a new obesity indicator. You are obese and take a risk of adult diseases when the value of dividing your waist by your height is more than 0.5.

 

 

読者からの投稿 14(あんこ、28 Aug 10

 

Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical University jointly studied and developed a new indicator of obesity. It is simple; just dividing the size of your waist by your height. If your number is over 0.5, you are at high risk of heart diseases, high-blood pressure, or cancers.

 

添削

 

Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical University jointly studied and1 developed a new indicator of obesity. It is simple; just dividinge2 the size of your waist by your height. If your the number is over 0.5, you are at high risk of life-style related diseases such as a heart diseases, high-blood pressure, or and cancers.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       developの中にはstudyということも含まれるでしょうから、ここで別に説明する必要はないでしょう。

 

2.       このようなときには命令形を使うことが多いです。

 

添削後の文章

 

Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical University jointly developed a new indicator of obesity. It is simple; just divide the size of your waist by your height. If the number is over 0.5, you are at high risk of life-style related diseases such as a heart disease, high blood pressure, and cancer.

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(Tatsuo, 25 March 10

 

The Joint research teams between Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical Collage have developed a new index for obesity. Everybody can find their own level of obesity by easy calculation. The calculation divide waist by tall only. If the answer is more than 0.5, the person increases the risk of the life-style related diseases.

 

添削

 

The A Jjoint research teams between of Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical Collage has have developed a new index for obesity. Everybody can find his their own level of obesity by an easy calculation. The calculation divides the length of waist by that of height tall only. If the answer result is larger more than 0.5, this the person is over-weight1 and faces increases the risk of the life-style related diseases.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       指標が0.5以上だと太りすぎで、それゆえ生活習慣病の危険が高まる、という論理を明確にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A joint research teams of Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical Collage has developed a new index for obesity. Everybody can find his own level of obesity by an easy calculation. The calculation divides the length of waist by that of height . If the result is larger than 0.5, this person is over-weight and faces the risk of life-style related diseases.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(mxtomi, 24 Aug 09

 

A joint research team consisting of Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical University has worked out an index for obesity that can be reached by simple calculation. When an index, a waist divided by a height, is greater than 0.5, it means an increasing risk of adult diseases.

 

添削

 

A joint research team consisting of Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical University has worked out an index for obesity overweight1 that can be reached by a2 simple calculation. When the an index, the length of a your waist divided by that of a your height, is greater than 0.5, you are subject to3 it means an increasing risk of adult diseases.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       obesityは病的に肥満なので、ここではもっと一般的なoverweightがよいでしょう。

 

2.       「ある計算方法で」といういみでby a simple calculationがよいでしょう。

 

3.       文に誰か人間が居ないと意味がはっきりしません。

 

添削後の文章

 

A joint research team consisting of Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical University has worked out an index for overweight that can be reached by a simple calculation. When the  index, the length of your waist divided by that of your height, is greater than 0.5, you are subject to an increasing risk of adult diseases.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(かい、8 Aug 08

 

The research team of Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical University formulated the new index of a level for fatness. The index is that we can check the extent of fatness by simple calculation dividing one's size of waist by height. If the value of the level is more than 0.5, lifestyle-related diseases will increase.

 

添削

 

The A research team at of Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical University jointly formulated the a new index for of a level for fatness. The index provides us with an easy way is that we can1 to check the extent of fatness by simple calculation dividing one's length size of waist by height. If this index the value of the level is more than 0.5, a risk of lifestyle-related diseases will increase.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       The index is that ~. という構文はisの両側が等価になります。「〜ということはindexである」という文は意味が通じません。

 

添削後の文章

 

A research team at Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical University jointly formulated a new index for fatness. The index provides us with an easy way to check the extent of fatness by simple dividing one's length of waist by height. If this index is more than 0.5, a risk of lifestyle-related diseases will increase.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(dunkel, 1 December 07

 

Tranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical College jointly developed a new index of the obesity. People can easily calculate their obese degree by dividing their waist size into their body height size. The joint research group warns the danger of adult diseases if people score over 0.5 degrees on the index.

 

添削

 

Tranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical College jointly developed a new index of the obesity. People can easily calculate their obese degree index by dividing their waist size by into their body height size. The joint research group warns that the danger of adult diseases increases if people score over 0.5 degrees on the index.

 

コメント

 

わかり難いところがありますが、内容はわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Tranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical College jointly developed a new index of obesity. People can easily calculate their obese index by dividing their waist size by their height. The joint research group warns that the danger of adult diseases increases if people score over 0.5 on the index.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(マーチャン、24 October 07

 

A team from Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical College invented a new index that could show a degree of fatness by using a simple calculating formula. The index is equal to the value obtained by dividing a waist size by a height. If the index is more than 0.5, a risk of developing lifestyle-related diseases will increase.

 

添削

 

A team from Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical College invented a new index that could show a degree of fatness by using a simple calculating formula. The index is equal to the value obtained by dividing a waist size by a height1. If the index is more than 0.5, a risk of developing lifestyle-related diseases will increase.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。(1)のところで文を切って、新しい文でindexと成人病の関係を説明しているのでわかりやすいですね。添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 8(散歩人、27 April 07

 

A research team composed of both Toranomon hospital and Dokkyo Medical University suggested the new barometer of fatness which is easy to get by simple calculation. The way to calculate is just to measure your waist. If the result is more than 0.5 points, the possibility for you to suffer from adult disease is higher.

 

添削

 

A research team composed of both Toranomon hHospital and Dokkyo Medical University suggesteds the a new indicator barometer1 of for fatness which is easy to get by a simple calculation2. The way to calculate fatness is just to divide the measurement your waist by the measurement of your height. If the result is more larger than 0.5 points, the your possibility for you to suffer from adult disease is higher3.

 

コメント

 

1.       日本語で何かを計る基準にバロメーターという言葉を使うことがありますが、英語のa barometerは気圧計のことなので、ここでは単にan indicatorとしました。

 

2.       「危険が高まる」は厳密には「この指標を長年計っていて、指標が高くなれば生活習慣病の危険が増加する」ということでしょう。しかしここでは「危険が高い」すなわち「この指標が高い人は低い人に較べて生活習慣病の危険が高い」という意味だと思います。英語の比較級は一般に比較するものを提示する必要があります。Your possibility to suffer adult disease is higher than those with the indicator of less than 0.5.となります。添削では確率が高い、低い、ということを読者が理解すると仮定して、比較級を使わずにhighとしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

A research team composed of both Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical University suggests a new indicator for fatness which is easy to get by a simple calculation. The way to calculate fatness is just to divide the measurement your waist by the measurement of your height. If the result is larger than 0.5 , your possibility to suffer from adult disease is high3.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(岩ちゃん、13 February 07

 

The teams of Toranomon hospital and the Dokkyo Medical University thought out a new index that showed the degree of fatness by using simple calculating formula. The index is equal to the value that a waist size is divided by a height. If the index is more than 0.5, lifestyle-related diseases will increase in risk.

 

添削

 

The A teams from of Toranomon hHospital and the Dokkyo Medical University College1 invented thought out a new index that could showed the a degree of fatness by using a simple calculating formula. The index is equal to the value obtained by that dividing a waist size is divided by a height2. If the index is more than 0.5, a risk of developing lifestyle-related diseases will increase in risk.

 

添削

 

1.       病院と大学からの研究者が一つのチームを作った、という表現がよいでしょう。またa universityには複数の学部があります。単科大学はa collegeになります。

 

2.       The index is calculated by dividing a waist size by a height.とすると簡単になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A team from Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical College invented a new index that could show a degree of fatness by using a simple calculating formula. The index is equal to the value obtained by dividing a waist size by a height. If the index is more than 0.5, a risk of developing lifestyle-related diseases will increase.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(吉、7 February 07

 

Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo University Hospital jointly invented the new obesity indicator with which you can learn the degree of obesity by simple calculation. You just divide your waist size by your height. If the result is equal to 0.5 or more, you are at a high risk of developing adult disease.

 

添削

 

Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo University Medical College Hospital jointly invented the a new obesity indicator for obesity1 with which you can learn the degree of obesity by simple calculation. You just divide your waist size by your height. If the result is equal to 0.5 or more than 0.52, you are obese3 and are at a high risk of developing adult diseases.

 

コメント

 

1.       a new obesity indicatorは名詞が二つ繋がっただけなので意味がわかりますが、一般的に名詞はただ並べるより、添削のように途中にforのような前置詞が入るとわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       more than A, equal to or more than A, less than A, equal to or less than Aという表現が一般的です。

 

3.       先ずは肥満化どうかがわかり、次に肥満ならば〜だ、とすると前の文のindicatorとの関連がよくわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical College jointly invented a new indicator for obesity with which you can learn the degree of obesity by simple calculation. You just divide your waist size by your height. If the result is equal to or more than 0.5, you are obese and are at a high risk of developing adult diseases.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(tange, 14 June 06

 

A new indicator of overweight is created by a research team composed two hospitals, which were Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical University. You will get a result easily to equal a waist size divides a height. If the result is over 0.5, the risk of adult disease will increase.

 

添削

 

A new indicator of overweight is created by a joint research team composed two hospitals, which were from1 Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical University. You will get the indicator a result by dividing your easily to equal a waist size divides by your a height2. If the result is over 0.5, the your2 risk of getting adult life-style related3 disease will increase.

 

コメント

 

1.       a joint research team from A and Bjointを入れると簡単な表現になります。

 

2.       ウェストサイズを身長で割る、divide a waist size by a heightですが、主語をYouにしたあるのでdivide your waist size by your heightとします。

3.       adult diseasesとすると範囲が広くなるので生活習慣病life-style related diseasesとするとよいでしょう。先日、NHKの「ためして合点」をみてうると、この指標よりもった簡単にウェストサイズを測るだけでも、日本人成人男子の場合は85センチ以下に抑えると内臓脂肪が増えない、といっていました。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new indicator of overweight is created by a joint research team from Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical University. You will get the indicator by dividing your waist size by your height. If the result is over 0.5, your risk of getting life-style related disease will increase.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 23 August 05

 

A research team of Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical College planed new index of fatness. The index enabled us to find out the level of fatness by easy calculation. We only have to divide waist size by standing height. The team says that the value exceed 0.5 point means higher risk of lifestyle illness.

 

添削

 

A research team of Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical College planed invented a1 new index of fatness. The index enablesd us to find out the level of fatness by an easy calculation. We only have to divide a waist size by a standing height. The team says that the value index2 exceeding 0.5 point means a higher risk of lifestyle illness.

 

コメント

 

1.       冠詞の使いかたは本当に難しいですね。名詞が文中にあるときは、冠詞が必要かどうか、必要なら不定冠詞か定冠詞か、必ず考える必要があります。この添削講座の「英作文入門」に「冠詞の判断」の一章を載せてあるのでご覧ください。辞書で用例をしらべるのも便利な方法です。

 

2.       indexで統一するのがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A research team of Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo Medical College invented a new index of fatness. The index enables us to find out the level of fatness by an easy calculation. We only have to divide a waist size by a standing height. The team says that the index exceeding 0.5 point means a higher risk of lifestyle illness.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、15 July 04

 

Toranomon Hospital and the study team of Dokkyo University School of Medicine have jointly devised a new index of obesity based on an easy calculation showing the degrees of obesity. We have only to divide our waist measurement by stature. The value of more than 0.5 is said to increase the risk of adult diseases.

 

添削

 

A joint study team1 from Toranomon Hospital and the study team of Dokkyo University School of Medicine have jointly has devised a new index of obesity based on an easy calculation showing the degrees of obesity that is easy to calculate. We You2 only have only to divide our your waist measurement by statureyour height. If3 Tthe value is of more than 0.5, you are overweight and subject to increased risks of is said to increase the risk of adult lifestyle-related diseases.

 

コメント

 

1.       研究チームは虎の門病院と独協医大の両方の人が参加しているのだとおもいます。

 

2.       Weよりyouのほうが説得力があります。

 

3.       Youを主語にして説明を加えました。

 

添削後の文章

 

A joint study team from Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo University School of Medicine  has devised a new index of obesity that is easy to calculate. You only have to divide your waist measurement by your height. If the value is more than 0.5, you are overweight and subject to increased risks of of lifestyle-related diseases.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(tama, 2 June 04

 

A new index was produced by a research team between Toranomon hospital and Dokkyo teaching hospital. The index is so simple that we divide the size of our waist into the height to check the degree of obesity. The value of 0.5 or more lets us know the higher possibility of getting life style related disease.

 

添削

 

A new index was produced developed by a joint research team between of Toranomon hHospital and Dokkyo teaching hospital Medical College to measure the degree of obesity1. The index is so very simple2. that we You3 divide the size of our your waist into by the your height to check the degree of obesity. If Tthe value of is 0.5 or more larger, it indicates that you are over-weight4 and have lets us know the higher possibility of getting life- style related diseases.

 

コメント

 

1.       どういうインデックスかということを最初の文で示すのがよいですね。

 

2.       The index is so simple that you divide the size of your waist by your height to know how over-weight you are.とするとso~  that~ の因果関係がはっきりしません。「とても簡単なのでウェストサイズを慎重で割る」となりますね。この文型を使うとThe index is so simple that you can find how over-weight you are by dividing your waist size by your height.のようになります。因果関係は「とても簡単なので、(ウェストサイズを身長で割って、どれくらい太っているか)が分かる」となり、so simple that you can find Aとなります。

 

3.       We よりyouを使うと読者にたいする説得力が増加します。

 

4.       Obesityは「病的に太っている」ことなので、ここではもう少し一般的なover-weightにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new index was developed by a joint research team of Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo  Medical College to measure the degree of obesity. The index is very simple. You divide the size of your waist by your height. If the value is 0.5 or larger, it indicates that you are over-weight and have the higher possibility of getting life-style related diseases.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(イズミ、1 April 03

 

Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo University jointly developed a new simple scale to measure the degree of over-weight. You divide your waist size by your height. If the value is more than 0.5, you are over-weight and face higher risks of life-style related diseases such as high blood pressures and strokes.

 

添削

 

Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo University jointly developed a new simple scale to measure the degree of over-weight how over-weight a person is1. You divide your waist size by your height2. If the value is more than 0.5, you are over-weight and face a higher risks of life-style related diseases such as high blood pressures and strokes.

 

コメント

 

1.       「肥満の程度がわかる新しい指標」を a new scale to measure the degree of overweightと直訳風から a new scale to measure how over-weight a person isと英語風にしました。

 

「家から会社までどのくらいの距離があるの?」を What is the distance between your home and company? とは言わずに、普通は How far is your company from home?と言うのと同じ表現です。

 

例:

 

「まだ呉の地震の被害程度が分かっていない。」

We don’t know yet how much damage Kure has suffered from the earthquake.

 

2.       Youを主語にして内容がわかりやすくなっています。この肥満指標はわかりやすいですね。身長はあまり変化しないので、ウェストサイズだけに注意していればよいわけで、わたしはベルトのバックルの穴をいくつ下げれば良いかを目標にしています。

 

添削後の文章

 

Toranomon Hospital and Dokkyo University jointly developed a new simple scale to measure  how over-weight a person is. You divide your waist size by your height. If the value is more than 0.5, you are over-weight and face a higher risk of life-style related diseases such as high blood pressure and stroke.

 

 

練習問題 44

 

香川大と県教委は2月13日、来年度から県内の高校生に同大の講義を一部公開すると発表した。高度な教育・研究に触れることで、生徒の学問への関心や学ぶ意欲を高めるのが狙いである。

 

読者からの投稿 19(だっち、30 July 14

 

On 13th February, Kagawa University and Kagawa Prefecture Education Committee showed that some of the university's lectures would be opened to high school students in Kagawa. The purpose of it is to encourage students to be interested in the discipline and to give them learning motivation through higher education and study.

 

添削

 

On the13th of February, Kagawa University and the Kagawa Prefecture Education Board Committee announced showed that some of the university's lectures would be opened to high school students in Kagawa Prefecture. The purpose of it is to encourage students to get be interested in these discipline and to give them learning motivations for higher learning through the exposure to higher education and study.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On the13th of February, Kagawa University and the Kagawa Prefecture Education Board  announced that some of the university's lectures would be opened to high school students in Kagawa Prefecture. The purpose is to encourage students to get interested in these discipline and to give them motivations for higher learning through the exposure to higher education and study.

 

 

読者からの投稿 18(Sasuke, 23 February 14

 

On February 13, Kagawa university and prefectural education board announced that some lecture of the university will be opened for high school students in the prefecture from next year. It aims to encourage students' interests and motivation of study by experiencing advanced education and research.

 

添削

 

On February 13, Kagawa uUniversity and the prefectural education board announced that some lectures of the university will be opened to for high school students in the prefecture from the next year. The proposal It aims to at encourageing high school students' to have interests and motivation to of study at a higher level by giving them opportunities to experienceing advanced education and research.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February 13, Kagawa University and the prefectural education board announced that some lectures of the university will be opened to high school students in the prefecture from the next year. The proposal aims at encouraging high school students to have interest and motivation to study at a higher level by giving them opportunities to experience advanced education and research.

 

 

読者からの投稿 17(文月、17 December 13

 

Kagawa University and Kagawa Prefectural Board of Education announced on February 13, that they make a part of lectures available to high school students in the prefecture. The aim is to give the students opportunities to encounter advanced education and investigation and to raise their interest to academic matters and willingness to learn.

 

添削

 

Kagawa University and the Kagawa Prefectural Board of Education announced on February 13, that they would make a part of lectures available to high school students in the prefecture. The aim is to give the students opportunities to experience encounter advanced education and investigation and to raise their interest in to academic matters and willingness to learn.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Kagawa University and the Kagawa Prefectural Board of Education announced on February 13, that they would make a part of lectures available to high school students in the prefecture. The aim is to give the students opportunities to experience advanced education and investigation and to raise their interest in academic matters and willingness to learn.

 

 

読者からの投稿 16(Valley winds, 29 August 12

 

Kagawa University and Prefectural Board of Education announced that they will allow high school students in Kagawa Prefecture to take a part of lectures in the university next fiscal year. The purpose is to raise students’ interests in learning and motivations of studying throughout opportunities of higher education and study.

 

添削

 

Kagawa University and the Prefectural Board of Education of Kagawa announced that they would will1 allow high school students in Kagawa Prefecture to take some2 a part of lectures at in the university next fiscal year. The purpose is to raise students’ interests and motivation in learning and motivations of studying throughout opportunities to see of higher education and study.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

announcedが過去形ですから、「動詞の時制に一致」でここもwouldになります。時制の一致は日本人には分かり難いですが、英語の癖の一つです。

 

1.       「いくつかの講義」の意味ですからsomeにします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Kagawa University and the Prefectural Board of Education of Kagawa announced that they would allow high school students in Kagawa Prefecture to take some lectures at the university next fiscal year. The purpose is to raise students’ interests and motivation in learning through opportunities to see higher education and study.

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(Yoshi, 10 Dec 10

 

Kagawa University and Kagawa Prefectural education board announced on February 13th that the Kagawa University opens a part of the lectures for high school students in Kagawa Prefucture next year. The Kagawa University and the Kagawa Prfectural education board try to improve thier interest and motivation for their education, when they touch a high education and research.

 

添削

 

Kagawa University and the Kagawa Prefectural Board of eEducation board announced on February 13th that the Kagawa University would opens a part some of its the lectures to for high school students in the Kagawa Prefucture Prefecture next year. The Kagawa University and the Kagawa Prfectural Prefectural Board of eEducation board aim try to improve thier high school students interest in and motivation for their education, when by exposing them they touch a to high education and research.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Kagawa University and the Kagawa Prefectural Board of Education announced on February 13th that Kagawa University would open some of its lectures to high school students in the Kagawa Prefecture next year. Kagawa University and the Kagawa Prefectural Board of Education aim to improve high school students’ interest in and motivation for their education  by exposing them to high education and research.

 

 

読者からの投稿 14(あんこ、3 October 10

 

On January 13, Kagawa University and Kagawa prefectural education board announced that the high school students in Kagawa could join in some lectures at the university from next year. By letting the students expose higher education, they expect that it enhances the students' interests in learning.

 

添削

 

On January February13, Kagawa University and the Board of Education of Kagawa Prefecture prefectural education board jointly announced that the1 high school students in Kagawa could attend2 join in some lectures at the university from the3 next year. By letting the students exposed to higher education, they expect that this program4 it will enhances the high school5 students' interests in learning.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       香川県の高校生一般なので、限定の定冠詞はいりません。

 

2.       多分、数回聴講できる程度だとおもうのでattendがよいでしょう。join in ~とすると(大学生と一緒に)講義を受ける、という感じになります。

 

3.       next year 来年に、は名詞の副詞用法で冠詞はいりませんが、from the next yearとなると、ある限定された時期をさすので定冠詞をつけます。

 

4.       前の文で話題にした身近のことなのでthisがよいでしょう。

 

5.       高校生が聴講できる、というところがミソなので、こうするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February13, Kagawa University and the Board of Education of Kagawa Prefecture  jointly announced that high school students in Kagawa could attend some lectures at the university from the next year. By letting the students exposed to higher education, they expect that this program will enhances the high school students' interests in learning.

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(Tatsuo, 30 March 10

 

The Kagawa University and the committee of education in Kagawa Prefecture announced on February 13 that the Kagawa University is going to open high school students who are studying in Kanagawa some of courses from next year. Through the high education and research, the local government aims to rise to the student’s aspiration and interest of learning.    

 

添削

 

The 2Kagawa University and the committee Board of eEducation of in Kagawa Prefecture announced on February 13 that the Kagawa University was is going to open some of its courses2 to high school students who are studying in Kanagawa some of courses from next year. Through the exposure to high level education and research, the local government aims to raise3 rise to the students aspiration and interest in of learning.    

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、分かり難い(推測できますが)ところがあります。

 

1.       大学の正式英語名称はいろいろな形式がありますが、香川大学はウェブサイトをみるとKagawa Universityとなっています。一般的にKagawa Universitythe University of Kagawaという形式があります。

 

2.       open its courses to students, open to students its coursesと二通りの表現形式がありますが、この場合は前者のほうが分かりやすいでしょう。

 

3.       rise to ~とすると違う意味になってしまいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Kagawa University and the Board of Education of Kagawa Prefecture announced on February 13 that Kagawa University was going to open some of its courses to high school students who are studying in Kanagawa from next year. Through the exposure to high level education and research, the government aims to raise students’ aspiration and interest in learning.    

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(mxtomi, 23 August 09

 

Kagawa University and Kagawa Prefectural Board of Education jointly announced on February 13th that starting next year, the university would open some of its classes to high school students of the prefecture aiming at enhancing their interest in and motivation for learning by exposing them to highly advanced research and education.

 

添削

 

Kagawa University and the Kagawa Prefectural Board of Education jointly announced on February the 13th that starting next year, the university would open some of its classes to high school students of in the prefecture. This program is1aiming at enhancing their interest in higher education and motivation for learning2 by exposing them to highly advanced research and education.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       ここから新しい文にすると内容がはっきりします。投稿のままではaiming atの主体が何なのかはっきりしません。

 

2.       「学問への関心や学ぶ意欲を高める」は日本文の内容があやふやで「学問への関心」と「学ぶ意欲」の違いがわかりませんから、一つだけにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Kagawa University and the Kagawa Prefectural Board of Education jointly announced on February the 13th that starting next year, the university would open some of its classes to high school students in the prefecture. This program is aiming at enhancing their interest in higher education by exposing them to advanced research and education.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(かい、8 Aug 08

 

On February 13, Kagawa University and the Kagawa board of education announced that the university would openly provide with students in Kagawa with some lectures the next year. They aim at advancing their interests and motivation for learning by means of experiencing high-level education and researches.

 

添削

 

On February 13, Kagawa University and the Kagawa bBoard of eEducation announced that the university would openly provide with some of its lectures to high school students in the prefecture Kagawa with some lectures the next year. They aim at encouraging advancing their intersts interest and motivation for learning by means of providing them with opportunities to experience ing high-level education and researches.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますがthe university would openly provide with students in Kagawa with some lectures the next yearがわかり難いです。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February 13, Kagawa University and the Kagawa Board of Education announced that the university would open some of its lectures to high school students in the prefecture  next year. They aim at encouraging their interest and motivation for learning by means of providing them with opportunities to experience high-level education and research.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(kk, 5 March 08

 

On February 13, Kagawa University and Kagawa Prefectural Board of Education announced that they would open some classes at the university to high school students in the prefecture starting from the next school year. It is aimed to enhance the students' interests toward academic studies and their desire to learn by seeing higher level teaching and pursuits on site.

 

添削

 

On February 13, Kagawa University and the Kagawa Prefectural Board of Education announced that they would open some classes at the university to high school students in the prefecture starting from in the next school year. This will It is aimed to aim1 at enhanceing the students' interests toward academic studies and their desire to learn by seeing actually experiencing a higher level of teaching and research and pursuits on site.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       能動形にしたほうが読みやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February 13, Kagawa University and the Kagawa Prefectural Board of Education announced that they would open some classes at the university to high school students in the prefecture starting in the next school year. This will aim at enhancing students' interests toward academic studies and their desire to learn by actually experiencing a higher level of teaching and research on site.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(dunkel, 3 December 07

 

On February 13, Kagawa University and the education committee in Kagawa Prefecture announced that they plan to accept high school students in the Prefecture to some part of the classes held by the University from the next academic year. This open-class project aims to encourage their interests and willingness of learning by giving a chance to meet an advanced education and research in the University.

 

添削

 

On February 13, Kagawa University and the Board of Education of education committee in Kagawa Prefecture announced that they Kagawa University plan would to accept high school students in the Pprefecture to some part of the certain classes held by the Uuniversity from the next academic year. This open-class project aims to encourage their high school students to cultivate interests and willingness to pursuer higher of learning1 by giving them a chance to meet experience the environment of an advanced education and research in at the Uuniversity.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「生徒の学問への関心や学ぶ意欲を高める」は内容が大雑把なので英文で表現するのが難しいですね。自分で適当に解釈して具体的に表現するのがよいでしょう。Encourage him to studyのように目的語を入れます。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February 13, Kagawa University and the Board of Education of Kagawa Prefecture announced that Kagawa University would accept high school students in the prefecture to  certain classes held by the university from the next academic year. This open-class project aims to encourage high school students to cultivate interest and willingness to pursuer higher learning by giving them a chance to experience the environment of advanced education and research at the university.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(マーチャン、25 October 07

 

On February 13, Kagawa University and the Kagawa Prefectural Education Committee announced that the university would open some lectures to high school students in the prefecture next year. It is hoped that high school students will be motivated to cultivate a higher level of interest in learning after they are exposed to advanced education and study.

 

添削

 

On February 13, Kagawa University and the Kagawa Prefectural Education Committee announced that the university would open some lectures to high school students in the prefecture next year. It is hoped that high school students will be motivated to cultivate a higher level of interest in learning after they are exposed to advanced education and study.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。キチンとした印象の文体の英文ですね。どうしてこのような印象を持つか考えてみました。It is hoped that high school students will be motivated to cultivate a higher level of interest in learning after they are exposed to advanced education and study. は It is hoped. High school students are motivated. They cultivate a higher level of interest. They are exposed to advanced education and study.という小文から構成されています。それぞれの小文は簡単なわかりやすい構文です。これらの小文を順序よく連結してあるので、文が読みやすくなっています。添削箇所はありません。

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(散歩人、27 April 07

 

On February 13, Kagawa university and the prefect education board of Kagawa said that a part of lectures in the university is given to high school student of the prefecture next year. The purpose of this plan is to cause the student to be interested in learning and to have an more interest in study, by for their attending the lectures.

 

添削

 

On February 13, Kagawa uUniversity and the pPrefectural eEducation bBoard of Kagawa said that a part of some lectures1 at in the university would be open is given to high school students in of the prefecture next year. The purpose of this plan is to cause stimulate the students to be become interested in learning and to have an more interest in study2, by for through their attending experience of university the lectures.

 

コメント

 

1.       「講義を一部公開する」はある講義の一部分だけではなく、大学に数ある講義の幾つか公開する、の意味でしょう。

 

2.       「生徒の学問への関心や学ぶ意欲を高める」は「生徒の学問への関心」と「学ぶ意欲を高める」の相違がよくわかりません。この日本文を書いた人が適当に二つを入れておいた、という感じがするので、添削ではto become interested in learningだけにしておきました。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February 13, Kagawa University and the Prefectural Education Board of Kagawa said that some lectures at the university would be open to high school students in the prefecture next year. The purpose of this plan is to stimulate the students to become interested in learning through their experience of university lectures.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、13 February 07

 

On February 13, the Kagawa University and the Kagawa Prefectural Education Committee announced that the university will open some lectures of the university to high school students in the prefecture next year. This aims that high school students are motivated to have high interest and will to learning after they meet advanced education and studies.

 

添削

 

On February 13, the Kagawa University and the Kagawa Prefectural Education Committee announced that the university will would open some lectures of the university to high school students in the prefecture next year. This aims1 It is hoped that high school students are will be motivated to have cultivate a higher level of interest in and will to learning2 after they meet are exposed to advanced education and studyies.

 

コメント

 

1.       This aims at achieving a result that ~.またはIt is aimed that ~.という形になります。てんさくではIt is hoped that ~.としました。

 

2.       「学問への関心や学ぶ意欲を高める」は同じ内容の繰り返しなので添削のようにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February 13, Kagawa University and the Kagawa Prefectural Education Committee announced that the university would open some lectures to high school students in the prefecture next year. It is hoped that high school students will be motivated to cultivate a higher level of interest in learning after they are exposed to advanced education and study.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(吉、7 February 07

 

On the 13th of February, Kagawa University and the Kagawa prefectural education board have announced that Kagawa University would open some lectures to high school students living in the prefecture in the next academic year. The aim is to inspire interest in learning and motivation for learning by providing opportunities to experience advanced education and research.

 

添削

 

On the 13th of February, Kagawa University and the Kagawa prefectural education board have announced that Kagawa University would open some lectures to high school students living in the prefecture in the next academic year. The aim is to inspire interest in learning and increase1 motivation for learning by providing high school students2 with opportunities to experience advanced education and research.

 

コメント

 

1.       inspire interest in learning and increase motivation for learningと対句になるほうが読みやすいでしょう。

 

2.       provide A with Bという標準の用法を使うほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On the 13th of February, Kagawa University and the Kagawa prefectural education board have announced that Kagawa University would open some lectures to high school students living in the prefecture in the next academic year. The aim is to inspire interest in learning and increase motivation for learning by providing high school students with opportunities to experience advanced education and research.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(tange, 23 June 06

 

Kagawa University and the Kagawa Prefectural Board of Education have announced on the 13 of February that the university will give some lectures to high school students living in the prefecture. The purpose of this project makes students be interested in high leraning at high level and learn willingly more and more.

 

添削

 

Kagawa University and the Kagawa Prefectural Board of Education have announced on the 13 of February that the university will give open1 some lectures to high school students living in the prefecture. The purpose of this project is to2 makes students be interested in the high leraning at high level leaning and research and learn willingly more and more3.

 

コメント

 

1.       大学の講義を大学生と一緒に高校生が取ることができるのか、または高校生用に特別な講義を用意するのか、日本文でははっきりしませんが、多分、前者でしょう。giveとすると特別な講義をする、という意味になります。openですと、後者の意味になります。

 

2.       主語がthe purposeですから、The purpose is to make ~.となります。The project is intended to make ~と表現することもできます。

 

3.       「高度な教育・研究に触れることで、生徒の学問への関心や学ぶ意欲を高めるのが狙いである。」は内容が抽象的なので英文で表現しようとすると難しいですね。これは日本文の内容が悪いからです。ですが、このようなわかったような、わからないような日本文はよくありますね。教訓はこのような日本文は書かない、世間でなんとなく通用しているような言い方はよく中身を考えてから使う、ということでしょう。添削のようにmakes students interested in the high level of learning and researchでよいと思います。日本文の内容を介錯して補足説明をいれて表現すれば、次のようにもできます。The university wants to expose high school students to the high level of learning and research and hopes that this will motivate them to come to the university.

 

添削後の文章

 

Kagawa University and the Kagawa Prefectural Board of Education have announced on the 13 of February that the university will open some lectures to high school students living in the prefecture. The purpose of this project is to makes students interested in the  high level leaning and research.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 23 August 05

 

February 13th, Kagawa University and Prefectural Board of Education announced that they are partly going to open the university’s lectures to high school students living in the prefecture from coming fiscal year. It aims to heighten students’ interest in study and their motivation to learning.

 

添削

 

On February 13th, Kagawa University and the Prefectural Board of Education jointly announced that they are were1 partly going to open some of the university’s lectures to high school students living in the prefecture from in the coming fiscal year. It aims toat heighten stimulating students’ interest in post-secondary education study and their motivation motivating them to for further learning2.

 

コメント

 

1.       同一の文の中なので時制の一致で過去形にするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       「生徒の学問への関心や学ぶ意欲を高めるのが狙い」は一見意味があるようですが、考えてみると漠然としていますね。日本文にはけっこうこのような「読者が内容を理解してくれる」ことを前提にした言い方が多いです。英文ではなるべく具体的に表現しますから、意味を解釈して表現します。わたしは添削のように解釈してみました。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February 13th, Kagawa University and the Prefectural Board of Education jointly announced that they were going to open some of the university’s lectures to high school students in the prefecture in the coming fiscal year. It aims at stimulating students’ interest in post-secondary education and motivating them  for further learning.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、17 July 04

 

Kagawa University and its prefectural board of education announced on February 13 that starting from the next academic year senior high school students in the prefecture can have access to a part of the lectures given at the university. The purpose is to enhance students' academic interest and drive to learn through contact with high-level education and research.

 

添削

 

Kagawa University and its1 the pPrefectural bBoard of eEducation announced on February 13 that starting from with the next academic year the university2 would open certain lectures to senior high school students in the prefecture can have access to a part of the lectures given at the university. The purpose is to enhance students' academic interest and drive to learn and initiative through contact with high-level education and research.

 

コメント

 

1.       itsとすると香川大学の県教委になってしまいます。

 

2.       大学を主語にすると文が簡単になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Kagawa University and the Prefectural Board of Education announced on February 13 that starting with the next academic year the university would open certain lectures to senior high school students in the prefecture. The purpose is to enhance students' academic interest and initiative through contact with high-level education and research.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Yamada, 4 April 03

 

On February 13, the University of Kagawa and the Kagawa Board of Education jointly announced that the university would open part of its lectures to high school students in the prefecture in the next academic year. Improving students’ interest and willingness to study by getting touch with advanced education and research is the purpose of the program.

 

添削

 

On February 13, the University of Kagawa and the Kagawa Board of Education jointly announced that the university would open part some of its lectures to high school students in the prefecture in during the next academic year. Improving students’ interest and willingness to study by getting touch with advanced education and research is the purpose of the program. They hope that this will provide high school students with opportunities to experience university education and research first hand and encourage their interest in higher learning1.

 

コメント

 

1.       「高度な教育・研究に触れることで、生徒の学問への関心や学ぶ意欲を高めるのが狙いである。」の内容はYamadaさんの投稿を少し変えて次のようにも表現できます。

 

The purpose of the program is to improve Improving students’ interest and willingness to study by providing them with opportunities in getting touch with advanced education and research first handis the purpose of the program.

 

上の添削例ではthey(香川大と県教委)を主語にして「高度な教育・研究に触れること」と「生徒の学問への関心や学ぶ意欲を高める」を文の構造を簡略にするためにandで並列にしました。日本文のようにこの二つの間の密接な因果関係は明示してありませんが、この文全体がThey hope that…で始まるので二つの間の関係は読者に伝わると思います。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February 13, the University of Kagawa and the Kagawa Board of Education jointly announced that the university would open some of its lectures to high school students in the prefecture during the next academic year. They hope that this will provide high school students with opportunities to experience university education and research first hand and encourage their interest in higher learning.

 

 

練習問題 45

 

就職に資格は必要。求職者の九割以上がそう考えていることが、徳島県労働局の調査でわかった。特にパソコン関連の資格に人気があり、情報技術社会を反映した結果となっている。

 

 

読者からの投稿 19(だっち、30 July 14

 

More than ninety percent of job-hunters think that license is necessary to find a job, according to the survey by the Laborer Bureau of Tokushima Prefecture. In particular, licenses concerning PC skills are popular to them. This result is reflected by IT society.

 

添削

 

More than ninety percent of job-hunters think that certificates1 for special skills are is necessary to find a job, according to the survey by the Laborer Bureau of Tokushima Prefecture. In particular, certificates licenses related to concerning PC skills are popular to them. This result is reflecteds by the current IT society in Japan.

 

コメント

 

内容の大体がわかります。

 

1.       Collins COBUILD辞書によればA license is an official document which gives you permission to do, use, or own something. A certificate is an official document stating that particular facts are true.です。この文章の資格はいろいろなものを含むと思うので、a licenseよりa certificateがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

More than ninety percent of job-hunters think that certificates for special skills are  necessary to find a job, according to the survey by the Laborer Bureau of Tokushima Prefecture. In particular, certificates related to PC skills are popular to them. This result  reflects the current IT society in Japan.

 

 

読者からの投稿 18(sasuke, 28 February 14

 

It found that over 90% of job applicants believe that qualifications are required for taking a job by a survey of Tokushima prefectural labor department. Particularly, qualifications related to PC are popular. It's a result of reflecting on IT technology society.

 

添削

 

It was found that over 90% of job applicants believe that some qualifications are required for taking a job by in the a survey by the of Tokushima Pprefectural lLabor dDepartment. Particularly, qualifications related to PCs are popular. It's a result of the reflecting reflection of on the current IT technology society.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

It was found that over 90% of job applicants believe that some qualifications are required for taking a job by in the survey by the f Tokushima Prefectural Labor Department. Particularly, qualifications related to PCs are popular. It's a result of the reflection of the current IT technology society.

 

 

読者からの投稿 17(文月、31 December 13

 

According to a research by Tokushima Labour Bureau, ninety percent of employment seekers think that some qualifications or certifications are required for getting a job. Certifications related to personal computers are popular among all in a reflection of an information technology-oriented society.

 

添削

 

According to a research by the Tokushima Labour Bureau, ninety percent of employment seekers think that some qualifications or certifications are required for getting a job. Certifications related to personal computers are popular among all in a reflection of an today’s information technology-oriented society.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to a research by the Tokushima Labour Bureau, ninety percent of employment seekers think that some qualifications or certifications are required for getting a job. Certifications related to personal computers are popular among all in a reflection of today’s information technology-oriented society.

 

 

読者からの投稿 16(Valley winds, 1 September 12

 

According to a survey of the Labor Bureau of the Tokushima Prefecture, more than 90 percent of job-seekers think that they need some qualifications to receive a job offer. Particularly qualifications related to a personal computer are popular and this result reflects information technology society.

 

添削

 

According to a survey of by the Labor Bureau of the Tokushima Prefecture, more than 90 percent of job-seekers think that they need some qualifications to receive get1 a job offer. Particularly, qualifications related to a personal computer are popular and this result reflects the current age of2 information technology society.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

get a job offer のほうが積極的です。

 

この句をいれたほうが具体性がでます。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to a survey by the Labor Bureau of Tokushima Prefecture, more than 90 percent of job-seekers think that they need some qualifications to get a job offer. Particularly, qualifications related to a personal computer are popular and this result reflects the current age of information technology society.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(Yoshi, 14 December 10

 

More than 90% people of a job applicant think that they need a qualification to get a job by a study of the Tokushima labor department. In particular, relevant PC qualifications are popular and it is reflected in information technology society.

 

添削

 

More than 90 percent %1 people of a job seekers applicant think that they need a qualification certificate2 to get a job. This was found by a study by of the Tokushima labor dDepartment of Labor of the Government of Tokushima Prefecture. In particular, certificates related to relevant PCs qualifications are popular and this it is reflecteds3 in the information technology society in which we live.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかります。

 

1.       短い文章でパーセントは一回しか出てきませんから、面倒がらずにpercentと綴るのがよいでしょう。

 

2.       qualificationは資格一般ですが、a certificateは資格証明と具体的になります。ここでは具体的なほうがよいでしょう。

 

3.       The popularity of PC-related certificates reflect the current information technology society.

Information technology society is reflected in the popularity of PC-related certificates.というように使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

More than 90 percent people of job seekers think that they need a certificate to get a job. This was found by a study by the Department of Labor of the Government of Tokushima Prefecture. In particular, certificates related to PCs are popular and this reflects the information technology society in which we live.

 

 

読者からの投稿 14(あんこ、20 October 10

 

Over 90 percent of job seekers in Japan considered that certifications needed for job hunting. This was a result of a survey conducted by Labor Department of Tokushima Prefecture. The result also revealed that computer-related certifications were best of all, which reflected on the age of information technology.

 

添削

 

Over 90 percent of job seekers in Japan considered that certain professional certificationses1 were needed for job hunting. This was a result of a survey conducted by Labor Department of Tokushima Prefecture. The results2 also revealed that computer-related certificationses were the best3 of all, which reflected on the age of information technology.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       certificationは「資格をあたえること」ですから、具体的にcertificates 「資格証明」を使ったほうがはっきりします。

 

2.       幾つかの結果resultsがあったでしょう。そのうちのひとつa resultはすでに記述してあり、そのほかの内容がこれらのthe resultsに含まれることになります。英文はこのようなところがうるさいですね。

 

3.       were the bestwere popularとしてもよいですね。前者は求職者の判断が入っています。後者はただの観察です。

 

添削後の文章

 

Over 90 percent of job seekers in Japan considered that certain professional certificates were needed for job hunting. This was a result of a survey conducted by Labor Department of Tokushima Prefecture. The results also revealed that computer-related certificates were the best of all, which reflected the age of information technology.

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(Tatsuo, 30 March 10

 

A qualification needs for a job application. Over 90% of job applicants believed like this. The fact was found by a survey that the labor department of Tokushima Prefecture conducted. The result is reflected a current situation developing an information technology society. Thus, qualifications related a computer is especially popular.

 

添削

 

A qualification certificate1 is needsed for a job application. Over 90% of job applicants believed like this. This The fact was found by a survey that the Llabor dDepartment of Tokushima Prefecture conducted. Certificates in the areas related to personal computers are particularly popular.2 These results of the survey is reflected the a current trend in situation developing an  information technology society. Thus, qualifications related a computer is especially popular.

 

コメント

 

文章全体の概略はわかりますが、分からないところがあります。

 

1.       qualificationは資格一般という意味の広い言葉なので、ここではもっと狭義のcertificate 「ある特別な資格または資格状」がよいでしょう。

 

2.       文章のここに入れたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A certificate is needed for a job application. Over 90% of job applicants believe this. This  was found by a survey that the Labor Department of Tokushima Prefecture conducted. Certificates in the areas related to personal computers are particularly popular. These results of the survey reflect the current trend in information technology society.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(mxtomi, 23 August 09

 

A survey by the labor department of Tokushima Prefecture revealed that more than 90% of job seekers considered having certificates as a prerequisite for finding jobs. Among other things, they have particular interest in the certificates related to personal computers. This result vividly illustrates that we are living in the era of information technology.

 

添削

 

A survey by the labor department of Tokushima Prefecture revealed that more than 90% of job seekers considered that1 having certificates was as a prerequisite for finding jobs. Among other things certificates, they have were particularly interested in the certificates related to personal computers. This result vividly illustrates that we are living in the era of information technology.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       that節の文構造のほうが従属節自体が独立した文になるので読みやすいでしょう(プレイン・イングリッシュの特徴です)。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey by the labor department of Tokushima Prefecture revealed that more than 90% of job seekers considered that having certificates was a prerequisite for finding jobs. Among  certificates, they were particularly interested in the certificates related to personal computers. This result vividly illustrates that we are living in the era of information technology.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(かい、11 Aug 08

 

A survey by the Tokushima Prefectural Labor Department shows that more than 90% of job hunters think it necessary to get certification in order to get a job. The qualification about the operation of a personal computer is particularly popular. This popularity reflects the society that requires us to have a skill to use the information technology.

 

添削

 

A survey by the Tokushima Prefectural Labor Department shows that more than 90% of job hunters think it necessary to have1 get skills certification in order to get a job. Certificates2 The qualification about the operation of a for personal computers are is particularly popular. This popularity reflects that we live in the society that requires us to have a skills to use for the information technology.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       資格を持っている、ことなのでhaveにします。

 

2.       a qualification for a computer programmerというように使うのが一般的なので、ここではcertificates for personal computersとしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey by the Tokushima Prefectural Labor Department shows that more than 90% of job hunters think it necessary to have skills certification in order to get a job. Certificates for personal computers are particularly popular. This popularity reflects that we live in society that requires skills for information technology.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(dunkel, 5 March 08

 

Holding certificates help yourself to get a job -- more than 90% of job seekers believed, according to the survey by Tokushima Labor Bureau. Among other things, certificates related to personal computers were popular and that reflected our information technology society.

 

添削

 

Holding certificates helps you yourself to get a job -- more than 90% of job seekers believed, according to the survey by the Tokushima Labor Bureau. Among other things, certificates related to personal computers were popular and that reflecteding needs in our information technology society.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。最初の文は主要点が文頭に来ていて印象が強くなっています。

 

添削後の文章

 

 

Holding certificates helps you to get a job -- more than 90% of job seekers believed, according to the survey by the Tokushima Labor Bureau. Among other things, certificates related to personal computers were popular reflecting needs in our information technology society.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(dunkel, 10 December 07

 

A survey by the Tokushima Prefectural Labor Department showed that more than ninety percents of the people who tried to find work thought that they needed a certain certification for getting a new job. Especially, PC-related certifications are popular because we get involved in the information technological society now.

 

添削

 

A survey by the Tokushima Prefectural Labor Department showed that more than ninety percents of the people who tried to find work thought that they needed a certain certification of certain skills to get for getting a new a job1. Especially, PC-related certifications are popular because we get involved are living in the information technological technology2 society now.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       a certain certification for getting a new jobとすると、新しい仕事を探すことが出来るという資格(この資格がないと仕事を探すという行動を起こすことができない)というように読むこともできます。

 

2.       情報技術社会を説明すると長くなるので、the information technology societyと表現しても内容はわかると思います。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey by the Tokushima Prefectural Labor Department showed that more than ninety percents of the people who tried to find work thought that they needed a certification of certain skills to get a job. PC-related certifications are popular because we are living in the information technology society now.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(マーチャン、26 October 07

 

A survey by the labor department of Tokushima Prefecture showed that more than 90 % of job seekers thought need for qualifications to find employment. Especially, they were very much interested in qualifications related to personal computers. This result reflected the current information society.

 

添削

 

A survey by the labor department of Tokushima Prefecture showed that more than 90 % of job seekers thought that1 they needed for qualifications to find employment. Especially, they were very much interested in qualifications related to personal computers. This result reflected the current information society.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       文の前半が長いのでthat節にするとバランスが取れます。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey by the labor department of Tokushima Prefecture showed that more than 90 % of job seekers thought that they needed qualifications to find employment. Especially, they were very much interested in qualifications related to personal computers. This result reflected the current information society.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(散歩人、28 April 07

 

Competence is required to find a job. It is found by survey of Tokushima Labour Bureau that more than 90 percent of a person seeking employment think so. Especially qualifications related to a personal computer are popular, and this result reflects information technology society.

 

添削

 

Certification1 Competence is required to find a job. It is was found by a survey by the of Tokushima Labour Bureau that more than 90 percent of a persons seeking employment think thought so. Especially, qualifications certificates related to a the personal computer2 are popular, and this result poularity3 reflectsed Japan’s information technology society.

 

コメント

 

1.       a qualificationは学歴、職歴、免許などを含めた資格一般を指します。この文章の資格は検定試験の資格だと思うのでa certificateにしました。

 

2.       パソコン一般という意味でthe personal computerにします。

 

3.       this resultというとこの調査のどの結果かわからないのでthis popularityとしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Certification is required to find a job. It was found by a survey by the Tokushima Labour Bureau that more than 90 percent of persons seeking employment thought so. Especially, certificates related to the personal computer are popular and this poularity reflected Japan’s information technology society.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、13 February 07

 

The survey by the labor department in Tokushima Prefecture showed that more than 90 % of job seekers thought the need of qualifications to find employment. Especially, they were very interested in qualifications related with personal computers. This resulted in reflecting an information society.

 

添削

 

The A survey by the labor department in of1 Tokushima Prefecture showed that more than 90 % of job seekers thought the need for of qualifications to find employment. Especially, they were very much interested in qualifications related with to personal computers. This resulted in reflectinged2 the current an information society.

 

コメント

 

1.       「徳島県労働局」という徳島県庁の組織ということをはっきりさせるにはofにします。

 

2.       This result(パソコン関連の資格に関心が高いということ)reflected the current information society.としたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey by the labor department of Tokushima Prefecture showed that more than 90 % of job seekers thought need for qualifications to find employment. Especially, they were very much interested in qualifications related to personal computers. This result reflected the current information society.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(吉、9 Feb 07

 

The survey conducted by Tokushima labor department revealed that more than ninety percent of those who looking for jobs think any qualification is indispensable in job hunting. In the survey, qualifications related to PC skills are especially popular, which reflects the information society.

 

添削

 

The A1 survey conducted by the Department of Labour of the Tokushima Prefectural Government2 labor department revealed that more than ninety percent of those who were3 looking for a4 jobs thought think skill certificates5 any qualification is were indispensable in for job hunting. In the survey, qualifications certificates related to PC skills are were especially popular, which reflecteds needs of the information society.

 

コメント

 

1.       文章に初めて出てくるので不定冠詞にします。

 

2.       徳島県労働局の正式英語名は知りませんが、これが固有名詞であることを示すために添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

 

3.       この調査の結果は現在も通用するでしょうが、英文では時制の一致で、revealedと合わせて過去形にするのが一般的です。英文の時制(時を表す表現)は絶対的時間(この英作文を書いているとき)ではなく、文章の中の比較的時間の表現です。

 

4.       thoseと主語は複数形ですが、この複数の人々のそれぞれが仕事を一つ探しているといういみで、a jobと単数形で表現するのが一般的です。

 

5.       qualificationは「資格一般」で主に教育、仕事の経験などを指します。この日本文の資格は、資格検定で貰った資格なのでcertificateがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey conducted by the Department of Labour of the Tokushima Prefectural Government  revealed that more than ninety percent of those who were looking for a job thought skill certificates were indispensable for job hunting. In the survey, certificates related to PC skills were especially popular, which reflected needs of the information society.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(tange, 27 June 06

 

Having a qualification was a must to get a job”, over nine out of ten of job seekers were thinking. This was the result of the survey by Tokushima Labor Bureau. Especially, qualifications about PC skill were popular. This reflected the current  Information Technology society.

 

添削

 

Having a qualification was a must to get a job1”, over nine out of ten of job seekers were thinking. This was the result of the survey by Tokushima Labor Bureau. Especially, qualifications about related to PC skills were popular. This reflected the current trends towards2 Iinformation Ttechnology3 society.

 

コメント

 

1.       「就職に資格は必要。」を“Having a qualification was a must to get a job”,として文頭に置いたのは良いアイデアですね。内容が強調されますね。

 

2.       This reflected the current information technology. だけだと文がぶっきら棒な印象を受けますから添削のようにしました。

 

3.       information technologyはもう一般化しているので小文字でよいです。

 

添削後の文章

 

Having a qualification was a must to get a job”, over nine out of ten job seekers were thinking. This was the result of the survey by Tokushima Labor Bureau. Especially, qualifications related to PC skills were popular. This reflected the current trends towards information technology society.

 

s

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 23 August 05

 

Qualification is necessary to get a job. According to an investigation by Prefectural Working bureau of Tokushima, more than 90% of job hunter thinks so. Reflected by information technology society, computer related qualifications are especially popular.

 

添削

 

Having some official Qqualifications1 is necessary to get a job. More than 90% of job hunter think so2 Aaccording to an investigation by the Prefectural Working Labor bBureau of Tokushima, more than 90% of job hunter thinks so. Reflected Reflecting by information technology society, computer -related qualifications are especially popular.

 

コメント

 

1.       qualificationは資格一般を指すので、ここでは「ある期間が認定した資格」の意味でofficial qualifications にしました。

 

2.       キーセンテンスとの内容の連結をよくするために、この部分を文の最初に持ってくるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Having some official qualifications is necessary to get a job. More than 90% of job hunter think so according to an investigation by the Prefectural Labor Bureau of Tokushima. Reflecting information technology society, computer-related qualifications are especially popular.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、17 July 04

 

We must have qualifications to get employment. More than 90% of job seekers think so, according to a survey conducted by Tokushima Labor Bureau. Computer-related qualifications are especially popular, which reflects the fact that we live in an Information Technology society.

 

添削

 

We must have qualifications to get employment 1a job. More than 90% of job seekers think so , according to a survey conducted by Tokushima Labor Bureau. Computer-related qualifications are especially popular, which reflects the fact that we live in an Iinformation2 Ttechnology society.

 

添削

 

1.       employmentは抽象名詞なので、get employed またはget a jobが良いでしょう。

 

2.       information technologyは普通名詞で良いでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

We must have qualifications to get a job. More than 90% of job seekers think so according to a survey conducted by Tokushima Labor Bureau. Computer-related qualifications are especially popular, which reflects the fact that we live in an information technology society.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Yamada, 4 April 03

 

Qualifications are important for jobs. A survey by the Department of Labor of the Government of Tokushima Prefecture found that more than 90 percent of job seekers answered. Personal computer courses were most popular. This reflected the nature of our society that depends heavily on information technology.

 

添削

 

Qualifications are important for jobs.1 A survey by the Department of Labor of the Government of Tokushima Prefecture found that more than 90 percent of job seekers answered thought that technical qualifications were important for getting a job. Among technical qualifications2, those related to Ppersonal computers courses were most popular. This reflected reflects3 the nature of our society that because4 we depends heavily on information technology.

 

コメント

 

1.       次の文の主語の部分が長くなるので、この部分を次の文の後半に入れました。

 

2.       文のつながりを良くするために、この部分を入れました。

 

3.       調査はすでに過去のことなので、調査の結果は過去形で表現しますが、「われわれが情報社会に住んでいる」ということは今の時点でも正しいことなので、現在形で表現します。 Yamadaさんは「情報技術社会を反映した結果となっている。」の内容を良く考えて英語で表現しています。

 

4.       ここはbecauseにしたほうが関係代名詞を使うより文がやさしく、内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey by the Department of Labor of the Government of Tokushima Prefecture found that more than 90 percent of job seekers thought that technical qualifications were important for getting a job. Among technical qualifications, those related to personal computers were most popular. This reflects the nature of our society because we depend heavily on information technology.

 

 

練習問題 46

 

徳島市中心部の歓楽街が、不況による客の減少にあえいでいる。撤退する店が後を絶たず、スナック、バー、ラウンジだけでも昨年は85店が閉店した。

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 23 August 05

 

Because of depression, entertainment district at central part of Tokushima City suffers from decrease in the number of customers. So many stores went out of business in a row. Only for snack, bar and lounge, 85 stores shut out last year.

 

添削

 

Because of depression economic recession1, the entertainment district at the central part of Tokushima City is suffersing2 from a decrease in the number of customers. So many stores went out of business in a row. Only for snacks, bars and lounges, 85 stores shut out were closed last year.

 

コメント

 

1.       depressionは「恐慌」と言うほどの経済状況を指すので、ここではrecession (不況)でよいでしょう。

 

2.       現在進行形にすると内容が強調されます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Because of economic recession, the entertainment district at the central part of Tokushima City is suffering from a decrease in the number of customers. So many stores went out of business in a row. Only for snacks, bars and lounges, 85 stores were closed last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、17 July 04

 

The busy quarters in the center of Tokushima City are suffering from the decreasing number of customers due to sluggish economy. One shop leaves the area after another and a total of 85 of bars and the like were closed down last year.

 

添削

 

The busy quarters in the center of Tokushima City are suffering from the a decreasing number of customers due to sluggish economy. One shop leaves the area Shops and stores are closing1 one after another and a total of 85 of bars and the like were closed down went out of business last year alone.

 

コメント

 

1.       Shops close on New Year’s Day. (元旦には店を閉める)というように自動詞で店を一時的に閉めて商売しない、という意味があります。この元来の意味の延長で、文脈から店を永久にたたむ、という意味になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The busy quarters in the center of Tokushima City are suffering from a decreasing number of customers due to sluggish economy. Shops and stores are closing one after another and a total of 85 of bars and the like went out of business last year alone.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1 (マーチン、5 April 03

 

The entertainment district at the center of the City of Tokushima is hurt by a decrease in the number of customers due to the current economic recession. An entertainment store has been closing one after another and 85 snack bars, bars and lounges went out of business last year.

 

添削

 

The entertainment district at the center of the City of Tokushima is has been hurt by a decreasinge in the number of customers patrons1 due to the current economic recession. An eEntertainment stores has have been closing one after another. and For example2, 85 snack bars, bars and lounges went out of business last year.

 

コメント

 

1.       a decreasing number of patronsとすると文に動きがあります。Customersでもよいですが、「よく店にくる客」をpatronsといいます。

 

2.       ここは文を切って、For exampleといって新しい文を始めたほうが、内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The entertainment district at the center of the City of Tokushima has been hurt by a decreasing number of patrons due to the current economic recession. Entertainment stores have been closing one after another. For example, 85 snack bars, bars and lounges went out of business last year.

 

 

練習問題 47

 

ITは今までとは非常に違った技術だ。一言で言うなら「各種の格差を消す技術」と言える。情報をやり取りするのに、距離や料金に拘束されず、また使う人の性別、年齢も問わない。

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 23 August 05

 

IT is a very different technology as ever. In a word, it is a “non gap technology.” Anyone can exchange information without thinking of distance and also it is regardless of gender and age

 

添削

 

IT is a very different technology as ever. In a word, it is a “non -gap discriminating1 technology.” Anyone can exchange information without thinking of distance and cost and also it is regardless of gender and age

 

コメント

 

「各種の格差を消す技術」を名詞で表現しようとすると難しいですね。「使う人を差別しない技術」が一番近いと思います。名詞でなく、技術の説明をするなら、In a word, it is a technology that can fill various gaps in society.と出来るでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

IT is a very different technology as ever. In a word, it is a “non-discriminating technology.” Anyone can exchange information without thinking of distance and cost regardless of gender and age

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、21 July 04

 

Information technology is quite different from the existing technology. In short, it is "a technology that fills gaps of various kinds." You can exchange information, regardless of your sex or age, without being subject to any restrictions of distance or charges.

 

添削

 

Information technology is quite different from the other existing technologiesy. In short, it is "a technology that fills gaps of various kinds." You can exchange information, regardless of your sex or age, without being subject to any restrictions of distance or charges1.

 

コメント

 

1.       情報をやり取りするのに、距離や料金に拘束されず、また使う人の性別、年齢も問わない。」は珍しい表現ではありませんが、さて、英語で表現しようとすると、どうしたらよいか、考えますね。内容を簡単な日本語で言い換えてみると、「地球のどこにいる人とも安く情報を交換できる。」になります。マウント60さんはyouを主語にしてわかりやすく表現しています。もっと簡単にすれば、You can exchange information with anyone in the world very cheaply.とも表現できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Information technology is quite different from other existing technologies. In short, it is "a technology that fills gaps of various kinds." You can exchange information, regardless of your sex or age, without being subject to any restrictions of distance or charges.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1 (マーチン、5 April 03

 

Information technology is different from previous technologies. In short, information technology works to eliminate differences in the distance and costs of communications for all users regardless of their sex and age.

 

添削

 

Information technology is different from previous technologies. In short, information technology works to eliminate differences in the distance and costs of communications for all users regardless of their sex and age.

 

コメント

 

マーチンさんは日本文の2番目と3番目の内容を情報技術を主語にして次のように言い換えています。

 

「情報技術は、使う人の性別や年齢にかかわらず、コミュニケーションの費用と距離の相違を除去するように働く。」

 

この言い換えた日本文の基本形は、「情報技術は相違を除去する。」Information technology eliminates difference.です。このように日本文の内容(日本語で考えた自分の言いたいこと)の要点を押さえ、英文の基本形で表現できるような形にすることが英作文の基本です。

 

添削後の文章

 

Information technology is different from previous technologies. In short, information technology works to eliminate differences in the distance and costs of communication for all users regardless of their sex and age.

 

 

練習問題 48

 

鳥取市のJR鳥取駅前にある花時計の花の植え替え作業が2月15日、うららかな日差しの下で行われた。白、黄、青、赤の花びらが美しいパンジ1,000株が、直径6メートルの盤面にあしらわれ、同市の表玄関を春らしく彩った。

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 23 August 05

 

Transplant work of flowers in a flower clock which is in front of JR station, Tottori City, was done on February 15th, fine spring day. Total 1,000 pieces of beautiful white, yellow, blue and red pansies were arranged on the top of the six meters across clock. The clock colored gateway of the city like spring.

 

添削

 

Transplanting work of flowers in a flower clock, which is was1 in front of JR station, Tottori City, was done on February 15th, a fine spring day. Total 1,000 pieces of beautiful white, yellow, blue and red pansies were arranged on the top of the six- meters face of the  across clock. The clock colored the gateway of to the city, bringing the color and fragrance of2  like spring.

 

コメント

 

1.       文の主要な動詞がwas doneなので、時制の一致で過去形にします。

 

2.       「春らしく」は「実際はまだ春ではないのだが、まるで春のように」の意味ならlike springでよいです。鳥取市の2月15日ごろはどんな気候でしょうか。すでに春めいているのなら、「そろそろ始まる春にさきがけて」という意味をこめて、添削のようにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Transplanting flowers in a flower clock, which was in front of JR station, Tottori City, was done on February 15th, a fine spring day. Total 1,000 pieces of beautiful white, yellow, blue and red pansies were arranged on the top of the six-meter face of the clock. The clock colored the gateway to the city, bringing the color and fragrance of spring.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、21 July 04

 

There is a flower clock in front of JR Tottori Station in Tottori City. The flowers of the clock were replanted in mild weather on February 15. A thousand heads of pansies with beautiful flower petals in white, yellow, blue and red were decorated on the face of the clock, giving spring like color to the front entrance of the city.

 

添削

 

There is a flower clock in front of JR Tottori Station in Tottori City. The flowers of the clock were replanted in mild weather on February 15. A thousand heads of pansies with beautiful flower petals in white, yellow, blue and red were decorated on the 6-meter in diameter face of the clock, giving spring like color to the front entrance of the city1.

 

コメント

 

1.       マウント60さんは日本文の内容を丁寧にわかりやすく英文で表現しています。「鳥取市のJR鳥取駅前にある花時計」をどのように英文で表現するかが難しいですね。マウント60さんは独立した英文にしています。私は(鳥取市がこの花時計を管理していると仮定して)次のようにしてみました。

 

On February 15, the City of Tottori replanted a thousand heads of pansies in the 6-meter in diameter flower clock in front of JR Tottori Station. On the sunny warm day, white, yellow, blue and red pansies gave spring like color to the front entrance of the city.

 

添削後の文章

 

There is a flower clock in front of JR Tottori Station in Tottori City. The flowers of the clock were replanted in mild weather on February 15. A thousand heads of pansies with beautiful flower petals in white, yellow, blue and red were decorated on the 6-meter in diameter face of the clock, giving spring like color to the front entrance of the city.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(tama, 6 July 04

 

A flower clock is in front of Tottori station of JR line in Tottori city. On the fifteenth of February, new flower was planed for its clock under bright and clean sunshine. One thousand of pansy whose color were white, yellow, blue, and red were decorated on the plate of 6 meter in diameter. It decorated Tottori station as the main entrance of Tottori city, like we could feel spring had come.

 

添削

 

There is A a flower clock is in front of Tottori sStation of the JR lLine in Tottori cCity1. On the fifteenth of February, new flowers was were planed for its the clock under the bright and clean warm2 sunshine, .and now Oone thousand of pansies,y whose color were white, yellow, blue, and red, were decorated3 on the plate of 6 meter in diameter. It The flower clock welcomes people to Totttori Station, decorated Tottori station as the main entrance of to Tottori cCity, and lets us like we could feel that spring had has come4.

 

コメント

 

英文で表現しようとすると、なかなか難しい日本文ですね。「うららかな日差しの下で」という文の内容から言うと無くても良いような文学的な表現があり、2番目の文はいろいろな内容が情感をかもし出すようにならんでいます。「よこはま、たそがれ、ホテルの小部屋」風の文です。このような文も日本語の一つの型なので、このような日本文をが英語の構文で表現するのが難しいとばかり文句を言うわけにはいきません。もちろん英文にも文学的な表現はたくさんあります。しかし、このような文学表現はたくさんの英文学の本を読まなくては身につきません。内容を簡単に、正確に伝えることを目的とするプレイン・イングリッシュを用いて文学的な表現の多い日本文の内容を表現するには次のような方法があります。(1)日本文の基本的な内容だけを英文で表現し、文学的表現のところは省略する。(2)文学的表現の所は平易な日常的は表現で言い換える。

 

1.       「鳥取市のJR鳥取駅前にある花時計の」を独立した文にしていますね。日本文では長い修飾節が名詞の前に来ることが多いので、このように日本文を分解して英文で表現することが有効な場合が多くあります。

 

2.       「うららかな」は春の日の形容に使うので、bright and warmが良いでしょう。

 

3.       Pansiesを主語にすると表現が簡単になります。

 

4.       文学的表現なので英文で表現するのが難しいですが、内容を取ればこのようにも表現できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

There is a flower clock in front of Tottori Station of the JR Line in Tottori City. On the fifteenth of February, new flowers were planed for the clock under the bright and warm sunshine, and now one thousand of pansies, white, yellow, blue, and red, decorate the plate of 6 meter in diameter. The flower clock welcomes people to Tottori Station, the main entrance to Tottori City and lets us feel that spring has come.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Sue,  9 April 03

 

On February 15, the process of replanting flowers in the sun dial in front of JR Tottori Station was conducted on the sunny and warm day. About 1,000 bushes of white, yellow, blue, and red pansies decorated the large sun dial that was six meters in diameter, reminding people of the arrival of early spring.

 

添削

 

On February 15, the City of Tottori planted pansies1 the process of replanting flowers in the sun dial sundial in front of JR Tottori Station was conducted on the warm and sunny day. About 1,000 bushes of white, yellow, blue, and red pansies decorated the large sun dial sundial2 that was is six meters in diameter, This display3 reminding reminded people of the early arrival of early spring.

 

コメント

 

Sueさんは日本文の内容をよく整理して英文でまとめています。

 

1.       「植え替え作業」を主語にするより「鳥取市当局」を主語にして「鳥取市当局が花時計にパンジーを植えた。」としたほうが文が簡潔になると思います。

 

2.       「花が花時計にあしらわれた。」を「花が花時計を飾った。」と能動態で表現したのがよいですね。

 

3.       ここでは..., reminding people...とするとreminding以下の文の内容がおまけになって読者に与える印象が薄くなります。添削のように新しい文で始めるとよいと思います。Sueさんは「(花時計が)同市の表玄関を春らしく彩った。」を「(花時計が)人々に初春の訪れを知らせた。」と言い換えて表現しています。日本文の表現がとても日本的な言い方で、そのままでは英語で表現するのが難しく、説明すると長くなるようなときは、同じような内容の簡単な文に言いかえるのも英作文の技術です。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February 15, the City of Tottori planted pansies in the  sundial in front of JR Tottori Station on the warm and sunny day. About 1,000 bushes of white, yellow, blue, and red pansies decorated the large  sundial that is six meters in diameter This display reminded people of the early arrival of spring.

 

 

練習問題 49

 

境港市内の酒蔵が2月15日に取引先の米国のバイヤーを招き、日本酒の製造工程を案内した。日本独特の酒造りを生で見てもらい、その魅力を伝える取り組みである。

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 23 August 05

 

A sake brewery in Sakaiminato City invited American buyers, their business connections and showed them the way to make Japanese sake on February 15th. It aimed to introduce typical Japanese way of making sake and provide the attraction to them.

 

添削

 

A sake brewery in Sakaiminato City invited American buyers, their business connections contacts, and showed them the way to make Japanese sake on February 15th. It The factory tour1 was aimed toat introduce demonstrating the typical Japanese way of making sake and provide showing the attraction attractiveness of sake to them the foreign buyers2.

 

コメント

 

1.       もう一度主語が何であるか明確にしたほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       文の最後のほうなので、もう一度説明したほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A sake brewery in Sakaiminato City invited American buyers, their business contacts, and showed them the way to make Japanese sake on February 15th. The factory tour was aimed at demonstrating the typical Japanese way of making sake and showing the  attractiveness of sake to the foreign buyers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3 (tama, 6 August 04)

 

On February fifteenth, Sake brewers in Sakaiminato City invited their business partner, sake buyers in the United States and guided them the process of sake production. This is the effort to tell them how attractive sake is, through looking on the brewing process we can find only in Japan.

 

添削

 

On February fifteenth, Sake brewers in Sakaiminato City invited their business partners, sake buyers in from the United States1, and guided them through the process of sake production. This is the an2 effort to tell show3 them how attractive sake is , by making them familiar4  through looking on the brewing process we can find only in Japan.

 

コメント

 

1.       「取引先の米国のバイヤー」をtheir business partners, sake buyers from the United Statesとしたのがわかりやすくて良い表現ですね。「米国のバイヤー」は一般的にはbuyers in the United Statesですが、ここではinvited としてあるので、buyers from the United Statesが良いでしょう。

 

2.       他にも清酒の宣伝をしているでしょうから、anと一般的にしました。

 

3.       製造過程の案内なのでtellよりshowが良いでしょう。

 

4.       この文の隠れた主語は酒蔵なので(Sake makers) show them ~. (Sake makers) make them familiar with ~.とします。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February fifteenth, Sake brewers in Sakaiminato City invited their business partners, sake buyers from the United States, and guided them through the process of sake production. This is an effort to show them how attractive sake is by making them familiar  the brewing process we can find only in Japan.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(マウント60、22 July 04

 

A Japanese sake brewery in Sakaiminato City invited a customer and buyer in the U.S. to a tour of the production process of Sake on February 15. This is an effort towards making the charm of sake known to the public by letting people have a chance to see the uniquely Japanese way of brewing sake with their own eyes.

 

添削

 

A Japanese sake brewers1 ry in Sakaiminato City invited a group of American liquor importers customer and buyer in the U.S. to a tour of their breweries to show the production process of Ssake on February 15. This is was an effort towards making the charm of sake known to the public American consumers2 by letting people the American importers have a chance to see the uniquely Japanese way of brewing sake with their own eyes.3

 

コメント

 

1.       多分、複数の酒造が複数のバイヤーを招いたのでしょう。

 

2.       具体的にすると文章がわかりやすくなります。

 

3.       わかりやすく、スムースな表現ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japanese sake brewers in Sakaiminato City invited a group of American liquor importers to a tour of their breweries to show the production process of sake on February 15. This was an effort towards making the charm of sake known to American consumers by letting the American importers have a chance to see the uniquely Japanese way of brewing sake with their own eyes.

 

 

読者の投稿 1(Sue, 9 April 03

 

On February 15, several rice wine makers in the City of Sakaiminato invited American buyers and showed them the process of rice wine making. The rice wine makers wanted hoped that this would make American buyers more knowledgeable and more interested in rice wine1.

 

コメント

 

1.       「日本独特の酒造りを生で見てもらい、その魅力を伝える取り組みである。」をSueさんは「酒蔵は、この試みが米国のバイヤーを日本酒についての知識を増加しもっと日本酒に興味を持つようになるすることを願っている。」と内容を言い換えて表現しています。1番目と2番目の英文の主語がrice wine makersと同じなので、文章が読みやすくなっています。

 

添削後の文章 

 

On February 15, several rice wine makers in the City of Sakaiminato invited American buyers and showed them the process of rice wine making. The rice wine makers hoped that this would make American buyers more knowledgeable and more interested in rice wine.

 

 

練習問題 50

 

ストレスがたまりやすい現代、不眠に悩む人たちに「健康にいい睡眠」の秘けつを伝授しようと、厚生労働省は「睡眠指針」を策定する方針を決めた。寝酒頼りの生活に警鐘を鳴らし、睡眠のリズムの大切さなどを盛り込む方向で内容を詰め、今春にも公表する。

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 23 August 05

 

The ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare decided to formulate a “Sleep Policy.” Under this modern age when people easily get stress, the policy aims to offer a secret of “Healthy Sleep” to people who suffer from sleepless. The ministry is planning to contain warning for night cap based life and importance of sleeping rhythm in it and going to release in next spring. 

 

添削

 

The mMinistry of Health, Labor and Welfare decided to formulate a “Sleep Policy.” Under In this the modern age when people easily get easily stressed, the policy aims to at offering a secret of for “Healthy Sleep” to people who suffer from sleeplessness. The ministry is planning to contain include a warning for against the habit of taking a night cap for good sleep1 based life and a message of the importance of sleeping rhythm2 in it the policy. The policy and is going to be released in next spring3. 

 

コメント

 

1.       日本語には「寝酒頼りの生活」のように短い表現方法があります。この内容を短い英文で表現するのは文化、習慣がことなるので難しいです。night cap dependent sleepとすれば一番近い内容でしょうが、このような短い表現は考えるの難しいので、通常は内容を説明したほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       a warning とあるので、これと並列にa messageとするとよいでしょう。

 

3.       ここは独立した文にしたほうが読みやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare decided to formulate a “Sleep Policy.” In the modern age when people get easily stressed, the policy aims at offering a secret for “Healthy Sleep” to people who suffer from sleeplessness. The ministry is planning to include a warning against the habit of taking a night cap for good sleep and a message of the importance of sleeping rhythm in the policy. The policy is going to be released next spring. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 3 (tama, 23 August 04)

 

People living at the present time feel stress easily. And some have trouble not sleeping well. Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry, determined a policy to establish a guideline of sleep for keeping people's health and will announce it this spring. The guideline informs such people of some know-how for good sleep. At the same time it warns people must not rely on night-cap and teaches them how important the rhythm of sleep is.

 

添削

 

People living1 at the present time feel stressed2 easily. Aand3 some have trouble not4 sleeping well. Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry , has determined decided a policy5 to establish a guideline of good sleep for keeping people's healthy and will announce it this spring. The guideline informs will inform6 such people of some know-how for good sleep. At the same time it will warns people must not to rely on a night-cap7 and teaches show8 them how important the regular rhythm of sleep is for good health.

 

コメント

 

tamaさんの投稿は日本文の内容をよく整理して、わかりやすい順序の英文で表現しています。日本文には「ストレスがたまりやすい現代」、「秘けつを伝授しよう」、「寝酒頼りの生活」などよく使われる言い回し(日本語の表現法)が入っています。同様の意味をもつ英語の言い回しもあるかもしれませんが、苦労して探す必要はありません。内容を一番簡単な構文で言い換えればよいでしょう。英語の言い回しは少しずつ覚えていけばよいです。

 

1.       Livingは無くても意味はわかるので、無いほうがよいでしょう。短い文なので動詞(動名詞)が二つあると文が重く感じます。

 

2.       Feel stressとすると、圧力一般を感じる、となります。いわゆる、生活のストレスを感じる、は feel stressedとなります。これは I am stressed.と同様に受身形で表現します。英語の面白いところですね。

 

3.       内容が連結しているので文も連結したほうが良いでしょう。

 

4.       I have trouble parking in the city center.というように下線の内容について、「問題がある、うまくいかない」となるので、ここではsleeping wellがうまくいかない、となります。

 

5.       「指針を策定する方針を決めた」は正確には「指針を策定する」、「方針を決めた」と二つの内容が入っていて、tamaさんのように determined a policy to establish a guideline となります。これは政府発表に多い官僚用語で、たしかに官僚手続きからすれば、先ず「指針を策定する」ことを決め、そのための指針を決定した、と二段階で行うのでしょうが、一般読者に伝えるときには簡単にhas deiced to establish a guidelineでよいでしょう。

 

6.       「今春にも発表する」ということなので未来形がよいでしょう。

 

7.       寝酒は可算名詞でa nightcapとなります。Would you care for a nightcap? と一杯、二杯と飲むもののようです。ガブ飲みするのはnightcapでは無い、という意味が含まれているようですね。さて、私の寝酒はどっちになりますか。