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初級練習問題の添削 36−40

 

練習問題 36 (13 March 03) (11 May 04) (9 July 04) (19 Aug 05) (14 March 06)

(2 May 06) (28 Nov 06) (24 April 07) (7 Oct 07) (26 Nov 07) (29 Feb 08)

(15 July 08) (21 Aug 09) (11 March 10) (3 June 10) (26 Nov 10) (8 Aug 12)

(29 Sept 13) (10 Jan 14) (10 Jan 14)

 

練習問題 37 (6 March 03) (11 May 04) (10 July 04) (19 Aug 05) (9 May06) (28 Nov 06)

(27 Dec 06) (25 April 07) (8 Oct 07) (26 Nov 07) (1 Mar 08) (16 July 08)

(21 Aug 09) (11 March 10) (24 June 10) (28 Nov 10) (9 Aug 12)

(13 Oct 13) (10 Jan 14) (18 Jan 14)

 

練習問題 38 (6 March 03) (11 May 04) (10 July 04) (22 Aug 05) (29 Nov 06) (31 Dec 06) (25 April 07) (8 Oct 07) (27 Nov 07) (2 Mar 08) (26 June 08)

(21 August 09) (17 March 10) (27 June 10) (28 Nov 10) (13 June 12)

(20 Aug 12) (13 October 13) (10 Jan 14) (22 Jan 14) (27 July 14)

 

練習問題 39 (6 March 03) (17 May 04) (13 July 04) (22 Aug 05)(16 May 06) (29 Nov 06)

(23 Jan 07) (25 April 07) (8 Oct 07) (29 Nov 07) (3 Mar 08) (17 July 08)

(21 Aug 09) (17 March 10) (14 July 10) (30 Nov 10) (20 Aug 12)

(15 Dec 13) (10 Jan 14) (25 Jan 14)

 

練習問題 40 (25 March 03) (17 May 04) (13 July 04) (22 Aug 05) (17 May 06)      

(29 Nov 06) (22 Jan 07) (25 April 07) (8 Oct 07) (29 Nov 07) (3 Mar 08)

(7 May 08) (22 Aug 09) (17 March 10) (27 July 10) (2 Dec 10) (20 Aug 12)

(30 Oct 13) (10 Jan 14) (9 Feb 14)

 

練習問題 36

 

静岡県は2月3日から、携帯電話の県専用サイトで外国人向けに英語、ポルトガル語、スペイン語の3か国語を使ったページを新設し、大災害や事故発生時に緊急避難先などの情報提供を始める。

 

読者からの投稿 20(owl, 10 January 14

 

Starting on February 3rd, the Shizuoka Prefectural Government plans to set up a new Web page for foreign residents written in English, Portuguese and Spanish at the prefecture's cellular phone site. It is aimed at providing foreign residents with such information as evacuation destinations in case a major disaster or accidents occurs.

 

添削

 

Starting on February 3rd, the Shizuoka Prefectural Government plans to set up a new Wweb page for cellular phones for foreign residents written1 in English, Portuguese and Spanish at the prefecture's cellular phone site. It is aimed at providing foreign residents with such information as evacuation destinations in case a major disaster or accidents occurs.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       多分テクストだとおもいますが、スマートフォーン用の音声情報があるかもしれません。

 

添削後の文章

 

Starting on February 3rd, the Shizuoka Prefectural Government plans to set up a new web page for cellular phones in English, Portuguese and Spanish . It is aimed at providing foreign residents with such information as evacuation destinations in case a major disaster or accidents occurs.

 

 

読者からの投稿 19(sasuke, 10 January 14

 

Starting February 3, Shizuoka Prefecture will start to offer the information like emergency evacuation shelter when catastrophe or disaster happens. The information will be provided in English, Portuguese and Spanish at the website newly established, which is the dedicated website for Shizuoka Prefecture for cell phones.

 

添削

 

Starting on February 3, Shizuoka Prefecture will start to offer the information in English, Portuguese and Spanish at the website newly established for cell phones. This service will be used to provide information on like emergency evacuation shelters and so on when a catastrophe or disaster happens. The information will be provided in English, Portuguese and Spanish at the website newly established, which is the dedicated website for Shizuoka Prefecture for cell phones.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかりますが、この文章では「英語、ポルトガル語、スペイン語の3か国語を使ったページを新設する」ということが要点なので、最初の文にこの内容をいれます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Starting on February 3, Shizuoka Prefecture will offer information in English, Portuguese and Spanish at the website newly established for cell phones. This service will be used to provide information on emergency evacuation shelters and so on when a catastrophe or disaster happens.

 

 

読者からの投稿 18(文月、29 September 13

 

On February 3rd, Shizuoka Prefecture will set up new pages on its dedicated Website for mobile phones in English, Portuguese, and Spanish and begin to provide foreigners with information such as emergency evacuation sites when a big disaster or accident occurs.

 

添削

 

On February 3rd, Shizuoka Prefecture will set up new pages on its dedicated Wwebsite for mobile phones in English, Portuguese, and Spanish and begin to provide foreigners with information such as emergency evacuation sites when for a big disaster or accident occurs1.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       投稿のままでは、このような情報を事故発生の時だけ提供する、とも読めるので添削のようにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February 3rd, Shizuoka Prefecture will set up new pages on its dedicated website for mobile phones in English, Portuguese, and Spanish and begin to provide foreigners with information such as emergency evacuation sites for a big disaster or accident.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 17(Valley winds, 8 August 12

 

Shizuoka Prefecture will set up a new page in the prefectural special site for foreigners since Feb.3rd using three languages, English, Portuguese and Spanish and begin to inform shelters when large disaster or accidents happen.

 

添削

 

Shizuoka Prefecture will set up a new web page in the prefectural special web site for foreigners on1 since February Feb.3rd using three languages, English, Portuguese and Spanish and begin to inform foreigners of the locations of emergency shelters when large natural disasters or accidents happen.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかります。話題がインターネット上の特別なウェブサイトであること、緊急避難場所をしらせること、というところをはっきりさせるとよいでしょう。

 

1.       will set up a new web pageとあるので、「ある特別な日時に」 on February 3となります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Shizuoka Prefecture will set up a new web page in the prefectural special web site for foreigners on February 3rd using three languages, English, Portuguese and Spanish and  inform foreigners of the locations of emergency shelters when large natural disasters or accidents happen.

 

コメント

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 16(Yoshi, 26 November 10

 

Shizuoka Prefecture will set up a dedicated mobile phone site for foreigners in 3 languages of English, Portuguese and Spanish and start to provide  an information of emergency evacuation shelters at the time of a major disaster and an accident on February the second

 

添削

 

Shizuoka Prefecture will set up a dedicated mobile phone site for foreigners in 3 three1 languages of English, Portuguese and Spanish and on February the second2 start to provide an information of on emergency evacuation shelters at the time of a major disaster and an accident on February the second

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       小さな数字なので(1,201,356のような大きな数字ではなく)アルファベットで表記した方が文になじみます。

 

2.       ニュース性の高い記事では日時を文の始めにおいて強調します。ここでは、すでにページの新設は終了していてサービスの開始が2月3日なのでしょうから、on February the secondは文章の始めには置かないで、サービス開始の前に入れました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Shizuoka Prefecture will set up a dedicated mobile phone site for foreigners in three languages of English, Portuguese and Spanish and on February the second start to provide  information on emergency evacuation shelters at the time of a major disaster and accident

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(あんこ、3 June 10

 

Government of Shizuoka Prefecture is going to begin a new service that provides foreigners living in Shizuoka Prefecture with information about where to evacuate in case of disasters or unexpected accidents occurred. You can access a website run by Shizuoka Prefecture with cell phone and obtain useful information in emergencies. The website is transferred into English, Portuguese, and Spanish.

 

添削

 

The Government of Shizuoka Prefecture is going to begin a new service that provides foreigners living in Shizuoka Prefecture with information about where to evacuate in case of disasters or unexpected major accidents1 occurred. You Foreigners can access a website run by Shizuoka Prefecture with from a cell phone and obtain useful the2 information in emergencies. The website is transferred into in English, Portuguese, and Spanish.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       accidentsunexpectedなものですから、ここはmajor accidentsがよいでしょう。

 

2.       前の文にでてくるinformationなのでthe informationとします。そして後半は添削のように簡単にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Government of Shizuoka Prefecture is going to begin a new service that provides foreigners living in Shizuoka Prefecture with information about where to evacuate in case of disasters or major accidents. Foreigners can access a website run by Shizuoka Prefecture from a cell phone and obtain the information in English, Portuguese, and Spanish.

 

 

読者からの投稿 14(Tatsuo, 11 March 10

 

Shizuoka Prefecture will start a new service for foreigner from February 3 that provide information in an own site of the local government on the mobile phone. Information is translating into three languages, English, Portuguese and Spanish. When an accident or a calamity happen, Information is showing a proper emergency evacuation place.

 

添削

 

Shizuoka Prefecture will start a new service for foreigners on from February 3 that will provide emergency information on in an its own web site of the local government on the for  mobile phones1. The Information is available translating into three in three foreign languages, English, Portuguese and Spanish. When a major natural disaster , an2 accident or a calamity happens, the web site will show Information is showing a information on proper emergency evacuation places.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、provide information in an own site of the local government on the mobile phoneのところが分かり難いです。

 

1.       「携帯電話の県専用サイトで」は先ずは「ウェブサイトで」on the web siteが一番重要ですね。これを修飾してon its own web site for mobile phonesとなります。

 

2.       a major natural disasteraで他のan, aをカバーします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Shizuoka Prefecture will start a new service for foreigners on February 3 that will provide emergency information on its own web site for mobile phones. The Information is available  in three foreign languages, English, Portuguese and Spanish. When a major natural disaster, accident or calamity happens, the web site will show information on proper emergency evacuation places.

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(mxtomi, 21 August 09

 

Starting February 3rd, the Shizuoka Prefecture will implement a service to provide its foreign residents with information concerning emergency evacuation such as areas for evacuation in case a major incident or disaster should takes place. This is made possible by accessing the prefecture’s website for mobile phones written in three languages, English, Portuguese and Spanish.

 

添削

 

Starting on February the 3rd1, the Shizuoka Prefecture will implement a service to provide its foreign residents with information on concerning emergency evacuation such as areas for evacuation in case a major incident or disaster should takes place. This is made possible by allowing accessing to the prefecture’s website from for mobile phones written in three languages, English, Portuguese and Spanish.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

日付の表記法はいろいろあります。February 3, February the thirdなどですが、February 3rdというのはあまり見かけません。

 

添削後の文章

 

Starting on February the 3rd, Shizuoka Prefecture will implement a service to provide its foreign residents with information on emergency evacuation such as areas for evacuation in case a major incident or disaster should takes place. This is made possible by allowing access to the prefecture’s website from mobile phones in English, Portuguese and Spanish.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(かい、15 July 08

 

On February 3 , Sizuoka Prefecture will open pages for foreigners on their web-site that is written in such three languages as English, Portuguese, and Spanish ,and start new services to notify an emergent refuge area when catastrophes or accidents occur.

 

添削

 

On February 3 , the Sizuoka Prefecture1 will open a homepages2 for foreigners on their web-site for cellular phones that is written in such three languages, as English, Portuguese, and Spanish. ,and start new services3 The homepage will be used to notify an emergent refuge areas when natural catastrophes or accidents occur.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       Shizuoka Prefectureだけで文脈から判断してthe Government of Shizuoka Prefectureの意味になります。

 

2.       a homepageはあるウェブサイトの最初のページでことで、ここにちょうどこの添削講座のホームページのように他のページへのリンクがありますね。a homepageでこのホームページをもつサイトのことになります。

 

3.       ここから文を新しくすると読みやすくなります。andでつないだ文ですから内容はかわりませんが、新しい文にすると頭の中で「息継ぎ」でできます。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February 3 , Sizuoka Prefecture will open a homepage for foreigners on their web-site for cellular phones written in three languages, English, Portuguese, and Spanish. The homepage will be used to notify emergent refuge areas when natural catastrophes or accidents occur.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(kk, 29 February 08

 

Shizuoka Prefecture will build new homepages on a prefectural own cell-phone website for foreigners in English, Portuguese, and Spanish. When disasters and serious accidents happen, they will provide the foreigners with necessary information for emergency such as evacuation sites starting from February 3.

 

添削

 

On February 3, Shizuoka Prefecture will build open1 new homepages on a the prefectural own cell-phone website for foreigners in English, Portuguese, and Spanish. When disasters and serious accidents happen, they these homepages will provide the foreigners with necessary information necessary for emergency such as evacuation sites starting from February 3.

 

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       23日には始めるということなのでopenがよいでしょう。buildというとこれから準備する感じです。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February 3, Shizuoka Prefecture will open new homepages on the prefectural own cell-phone website for foreigners in English, Portuguese, and Spanish. When disasters and serious accidents happen, these homepages will provide foreigners with information necessary for emergency such as evacuation sites.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(dunkel, 26 November 07

 

Shizuoka Prefectural Government starts a new service for giving information to foreigners by the special web pages on the Prefectural website for the mobile phone users from February 3. Foreigners in Shizuoka Prefecture will get some information about emergency evacuation places and other important notices when they hit upon a big disaster or an accident. These web pages were written in English, Portuguese and Spanish.

 

添削

 

The Shizuoka Prefectural Government starts a new service for giving information to foreigners by the its special web pages on the Prefectural website for the mobile phone users from on February 3. Foreigners in Shizuoka Prefecture will get some information about on emergency evacuation places and other important notices when they the prefecture is hit upon by a big disaster or an accident. These web pages were are written in English, Portuguese and Spanish.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、when they hit upontheyが誰を指すのかわかりません。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Shizuoka Prefectural Government starts a new service for foreigners by its special web pages for mobile phone users on February 3. Foreigners in Shizuoka Prefecture will get information on emergency evacuation places and other important notices when the prefecture is hit by a big disaster or accident. These web pages are written in English, Portuguese and Spanish.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(マーチャン、7 October 07

 

On February 3, Shizuoka Prefecture will establish a new website for mobile phone with three languages of English, Portuguese and Spanish for foreigners. This website is for the prefecture. The prefecture will provide the information on places for emergency refuge when big disasters, accidents and others occur.

 

添削

 

On February 3, Shizuoka Prefecture will establish a new website for mobile phones in with three languages of English, Portuguese and Spanish for foreigners on the web page of the prefectural government. This website is for the prefecture. The prefecture will provide the information on the places for emergency refuge when big disasters, disasters and accidents and others occur.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、This website is for the prefecture.のところがはっきりしません。This website is mainly for foreign residents in the prefecture.とすればわかります。日本文を読むと、「県専用サイト」とあるので、このように添削しましたが、内容から見るとThis website is mainly for foreign residents in the prefecture. のほうが適当でしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February 3, Shizuoka Prefecture will establish a new website for mobile phones in  three languages of English, Portuguese and Spanish for foreigners on the web page of the prefectural government. The prefecture will provide information on the places for emergency refuge when big disasters and accidents occur.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(散歩人、24 April 07

 

From February 3, Sizuoka Prefecture begins to have the website for mobile-phones exclusive use which is supported by English, Portuguese and Spanish for foreigners and the website gives foreigners informations about emergency safe havens when disasters and accidents will happen in Sizuoka.

 

添削

 

From On1 February 3, Sizuoka Prefecture begins a new to have the website for mobile-phones exclusive use2 which is supported by English, Portuguese and Spanish for foreigners. and tThe website will gives foreigners informations about emergency safe havens places to go when disasters and or accidents will happen in Sizuoka Prefecture3.

 

コメント

 

1.       「2月3日から」とありますが、Shizuoka Prefecture begins ~.とあるので、On February 2となります。

 

2.       a new website for foreignersで十分に特殊ですから、exclusive useの説明は要らないでしょう。もし入れるなら、exclusively for foreignersとなります。ただし、exclusivelyは「他の人は除外して」という意味ですが、このウェブサイトは誰でも見られるわけですから、ちょっとexclusivelyとは合わないでしょう。

 

3.       静岡は静岡県と静岡市の両方の意味があるので、ここでは全県の情報があると仮定してShizuoka Prefectureがよいでしょう。細かなところまで文句をつける、と思うかもしれませんが、この添削講座は「英語を日常使う読者」を対象にした英文を書く、という前提なので、こういうところも明確にすることが大切です。「英語思考」の訓練と思ってください。

 

添削後の文章

 

On1 February 3, Sizuoka Prefecture begins a new website for mobile-phones which is supported by English, Portuguese and Spanish for foreigners. The website will give foreigners information about safe places to go when disasters or accidents happen in Sizuoka Prefecture.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(岩ちゃん、28 November 06

 

On February 3, Shizuoka Prefecture will establish a new website for mobile phone with three languages of English, Portuguese and Spanish for foreigners. This website is for the prefecture. The prefecture will provide the information on places for emergency refuge when big disasters, accidents and others occur.

 

添削

 

On February 3, Shizuoka Prefecture will establish a new website for mobile phones for foreigners1 with in three languages of English, Portuguese and Spanish for foreigners. This website is hosted on the home page of for the prefecture. The prefecture will provide foreigners in the prefecture with the information2 on the safe places for emergency refuge escapes when big natural disasters, or accidents and others occur.

 

コメント

 

1.       ここに置いたほうが内容がわかりやすくなるでしょう。a new website for mobile phones for foreignersa new website for mobile phones in three languagesを較べて、どちらがこの文章の内容を伝えているか調べると、挿入句、挿入節の位置が判断できます。

 

2.       provide A, provide A with Bというどちらの形でも使えますが、ここではprovide A with Bという内容を丁寧に説明するほうを使うとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February 3, Shizuoka Prefecture will establish a new website for mobile phones for foreigners in three languages of English, Portuguese and Spanish. This website is hosted on the home page of the prefecture. The prefecture will provide foreigners in the prefecture with  information on the safe places for emergency escapes when big natural disasters or accidents occur.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(tange, 2 May 06

 

Shizuoka Prefecture is going to provide emergency information such as evacuation centers in case big disasters and accidents on 3 of February. This service is a new web site for mobile phones and written in English, Portuguese and Spanish. 

 

添削

 

On February third1, Shizuoka Prefecture is going to start provideing emergency information such as evacuation centers to foreigners in several languages2 in case big disasters and accidents should happen3 on 3 of February. This service is will be provide on a new web site for mobile phones and written in English, Portuguese and Spanish. 

 

コメント

 

1.       投稿のままではaccidents on 3 of Februaryと続いてしまいます。

 

2.       これは大切な情報なので最初の文に入れます。

 

3.       in case big disasters should happenというようにshouldを使います。「(通常は起こらないが)もし起こったときは」という仮定の意味を強調します。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February third, Shizuoka Prefecture is going to start providing emergency information such as evacuation centers to foreigners in several languages in case big disasters and accidents should happen. This service will be provide on a new web site for mobile phones and written in English, Portuguese and Spanish. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(kappa2005, 14 March 06

 

Shizuoka prefecture opens a new website page using foreign languages of English, Portuguese, and Spanish for foreigners at cellular phone website specially used in the prefecture on February 3. It will start a information service providing emergency evacuation area in case of happenings of natural disasters or accidents.

 

添削

 

Shizuoka pPrefecture will opens a new website for cellular phones1 in page using foreign languages of English, Portuguese, and Spanish for foreigners at cellular phone website specially used in the prefecture on February 3. It The website2 will provide start a information service providing on emergency evacuation routes and area in case of happenings of natural disasters or major accidents3.

 

コメント

 

1.       「携帯電話用ウェブサイト」が重要なのでa new website for cellular phonesと続けて表現するとよいでしょう。

 

2.       前の文にいろいろな名詞が出てくるので、itが何を指すのか明確にするために代名詞ではなく名詞を使います。投稿ではitは静岡県を指しているようですが、ここではウェブサイトを主語にすると文が簡潔になります。

 

3.       in case of happenings of natural disastersin case of natural disastersと表現できます。when a natural disaster or major accident happensとも表現できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Shizuoka Prefecture will open a new website for cellular phones in English, Portuguese, and Spanish for foreigners on February 3. The website will provide information on emergency evacuation routes and area in case of natural disasters or major accidents.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 19 August 05

 

Shizuoka Prefecture is going to open new mobile web site as from February 3rd. The site is going to be constructed by three languages: English, Spanish and Portuguese, In the case of catastrophes or accidents, the prefecture will provide information like emergency contract address at the site.

 

添削

 

Shizuoka Prefecture is going to open a new mobile1 web site for cellular phones on2 as from February 3rd. The site is going to be constructed available3 in by three languages: English, Spanish and Portuguese., In the case of catastrophes or accidents, the prefecture will provide information like such as4 emergency contract escape addresses at on the site.

 

コメント

 

1.       a mobile web siteとするとウェブサイト自体が移動できる、という意味になります。

 

2.       open A on February 3rd で3月3にオープンして(それ以降は使える)となりますから、onを使います。

 

3.       is constructed by three languagesは表現が硬いので、簡単にis available in three languagesでよいでしょう。

 

4.       例を挙げるのにはsuch asがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Shizuoka Prefecture is going to open a new web site for cellular phones on February 3rd. The site is going to be available in three languages: English, Spanish and Portuguese. In case of catastrophes or accidents, the prefecture will provide information such as emergency escape addresses on the site.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、9 July 04

 

Starting on February 3, Shizuoka Prefecture will add a new Internet website for foreigners in three languages, English, Portuguese and Spanish, to its own site for cellular phones to start offering information such as evacuation areas in case of major disasters or accidents.

 

添削

 

Starting on February 3, Shizuoka Prefecture will add a new Internet website for foreigners in three languages, English, Portuguese and Spanish, to its own site for cellular phones1. The new website will offer to start offering information such as evacuation areas in case of major disasters or accidents2.

 

1.       長い文なのでいったんここで切り、新しい文を始めたほうが内容がわかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       日本文の内容が曖昧で、日本語ではすでに行っている緊急時の避難情報を外国語でも行うようにするのか、避難情報を外国語だけで行うのか、はっきりしません。もし前者ならば次の例のような表現もできます。On February 3, Shizuoka Prefecture will add three foreign languages, English, Portuguese and Spanish to its emergency information services on its website for cellular phones. The website will offer life-saving information such as evacuation routes and places in case of major disasters or accidents.

 

添削後の文章

 

Starting on February 3, Shizuoka Prefecture will add a new Internet website for foreigners in three languages, English, Portuguese and Spanish, to its own site for cellular phones. The new website will offer information such as evacuation areas in case of major disasters or accidents.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(tama, 11 May 04

 

On third of February, Shizuoka Prefecture set up a homepage on its own site for cell phone using English, Portuguese, and Spanish and will start a new service for non-Japanese people living there through it. The service is to give some information such as emergency evacuation area to non-Japanese people living there when large disasters and accidents happen.

 

添削

 

On the third of February, Shizuoka Prefecture is going to set up a special homepage on its own Internet site in English, on Portuguese and Spanish for non-Japanese residents in the prefecture1.  its own site for cell phone using English, Portuguese, and Spanish and will start a new service for non-Japanese people living there through it. The homepage2 can be accessed by a cellular phone and The service is going to give emergency information such as emergency evacuation areas to non-Japanese people living there when large disasters and or accidents happen.

 

コメント

 

1.       いろいろ内容が短い文章につまっている日本文なので、英文ではどのように内容を整理するか難しいですね。添削では、内容を二つに分けてみました。「三カ国語によるサービスを始める」と「緊急時に情報を流す」の二つです。三ヶ国語と緊急情報を一つの文にまとめようとすると、文が複雑になります。

 

2.       ホームページを主語にすると文が簡単になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On the third of February, Shizuoka Prefecture is going to set up a special homepage on its own Internet site in English, Portuguese and Spanish for non-Japanese residents in the prefecture. The homepage can be accessed by a cellular phone and is going to give emergency information such as evacuation areas when large disasters or accidents happen.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(ごーや、13 March 03

 

On February 3, the Prefecture of Shizuoka will start a new home page of emergency information services for foreigners in English, Portuguese, and Spanish on its Internet site for cellular phones to provide them with information on emergency escape roads and areas when natural disasters or major accidents happen.

 

添削

 

On February 3, the Prefecture of Shizuoka will start an new home page of1 emergency information services for foreigners in English, Portuguese, and Spanish on its Internet site for cellular phones. The service to provide them with will communicate information on emergency escape  evacuation routes roads and areas when in case of2 natural disasters or major accidents happen.

 

コメント

 

ごーやさんは日本文の内容を一つの長い英文で表現しています。文の内容が文の先頭から後尾に順序良く書いてあるので、長くても内容がわかります。添削では二つの文にしてみました。文を短くしたので読者が文と文の間で理解をする時間ができて読みやすくなると思いますがどうでしょうか。

 

1.       a new home pageは文の後に出てくるits Internet siteと内容が重複するので省略できます。

 

2.       In case ofを使うと文が短くなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February 3, the Prefecture of Shizuoka will start an emergency information service for foreigners in English, Portuguese, and Spanish on its Internet site for cellular phones. The service will communicate information on emergency evacuation routes and areas in case of natural disasters or major accidents.

 

 

練習問題 37

 

熊本県立技術短期大学校の今春卒業予定者の就職内定率が100%に達した。就職戦線が非常に厳しいといわれる中、1999年3月の第一回卒業生以来、五年連続で内定率100%を維持している。

 

読者からの投稿 20(sasuke, 18 January 14

 

Percentage of graduates from Kumamoto Prefectural College of Technology who found work reached 100% this spring. Although it is said that it's really hard to find jobs, the college have maintained 100% of the rate for five years in a row since March 1999, the first graduates.

 

添削

 

One hundred percent Percentage of graduates from the Kumamoto Prefectural College of Technology this spring have received preliminary job offers who found work reached 100% this spring. Although it is said that it's really hard to find jobs in the recent tough job market, the college has have maintained 100% of the job finding rate for the last five years in a row since March 1999, the its first graduates in March 1999.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

One hundred percent of graduates from the Kumamoto Prefectural College of Technology this spring have received preliminary job offers. Although it is said that it's really hard to find jobs in the recent tough job market, the college has maintained 100% of the job finding rate for the last five years in a row since its first graduates in March 1999.

 

 

読者からの投稿 19(owl, 10 January 14

 

One hundred percent of expected graduates of Kumamoto Prefectural Technical Institute this spring have secured employment before leaving school. Although we often hear it said that students have a very tough time getting a job, all of the expected graduates of this school have secured employment before graduation for five years in a row since the first-time students graduated in March, 1999.

 

添削

 

One hundred percent of expected graduates of Kumamoto Prefectural Technical Institute this spring have secured employment before leaving school. Although we often hear that it said that students have to spend a very tough time on getting a job in the current recession, all of the expected graduates of this school have secured employment before graduation for the last five years in a row since the first-time students graduated in March, 1999.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

One hundred percent of expected graduates of Kumamoto Prefectural Technical Institute this spring have secured employment before leaving school. Although we often hear that  that students have to spend a very tough time on getting a job in the current recession, all of the expected graduates of this school have secured employment before graduation for the last five years in a row since the first-time students graduated in March, 1999.

 

 

読者からの投稿 18(文月、13 October 13

 

Kumamoto Prefectural College of Technology achieved one hundred percent in the ratio of next spring's graduands receiving tentative job offers. Though it is said to be a hard time to find a job, the college keeps one hundred percent for five years since its first graduates on March in 1999.

 

添削

 

Kumamoto Prefectural College of Technology achieved one hundred percent in for the ratio of its next spring's graduates’ graduands receiving tentative job offers. I has been Though it is said to be a hard time to find a job, yet the college has kept keeps one hundred percent for  the last five years since its first graduates in on March in 1999.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてが推測できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Kumamoto Prefectural College of Technology achieved one hundred percent for its next spring's graduates’ receiving tentative job offers. I has been a hard time to find a job, yet the college has kept one hundred percent for the last five years since its first graduates in  March in 1999.

 

 

読者からの投稿 17(Valley winds, 9 August 12

 

Next years’ graduating students’ rate of getting informal job assignments reached 100% at Kumamoto Prefectural Technical Junior College. They keep 100% of the rate five years in a row since the first graduates at 1999 March, although the employment situation has been very severe.

 

添削

 

At the Kumamoto Prefectural Technical Junior College, Next years’ graduating 100 percent of the students’ rate graduating next March have received of getting informal job offers assignments reached 100% at Kumamoto Prefectural Technical Junior College1. They The college has kept keep the 100% percent of the rate for the last five years in a row since the first graduates in at 1999 March 1999, although the employment situation has been very severe.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかりますが、分かり難いところがあります。

 

1.       日本文は「熊本県立技術短期大学校の今春卒業予定者の就職内定率が100%に達した。」のように英語の主語にあたるものが長いときがあります。日本文では卒業予定者、就職内定のように名詞ですが、動詞の意味を内蔵しています。このため長い名詞でも一読して意味がわかります。このような日本文の内容を英文で表現するときは、ながい名詞をそのまま英文の名詞体にしないで、文全体の内容を考えて英文で再構築します。next year’s graduating classというように名詞、名詞形を日本文の順序のままに並べて複合名詞を作ると内容がわかりにくくなります。the students graduating next March (the students who are graduating next March)というように英語の構成にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

At the Kumamoto Prefectural Technical Junior College, 100 percent of the students graduating next March have received informal job offers. The college has kept the 100 percent rate for the last five years in a row since the first graduates in March 1999, although the employment situation has been very severe.

 

 

読者からの投稿 16(Yoshi, 28 November 10

 

Percentage of Kumamoto Prefectural Polytechnic College graduates who found work in this spring achieved 100%.The Kumamoto Prefectural Polytechnic College has kept the percentage for five years in a row since first graduate in March 1999

 

添削

 

The Ppercentage of Kumamoto Prefectural Polytechnic College graduates who got a job found work1 in this spring was achieved 100%.The college Kumamoto Prefectural Polytechnic College has kept the percentage for five years in a row since its first graduates in March 1999

 

コメント

 

日本文の内容の主要部分だけ英文で表現してありますが、表現してあることは総てわかります。

 

1.       このほうが就職したことがはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The percentage of Kumamoto Prefectural Polytechnic College graduates who got a job this spring was 100%.The college has kept the percentage for five years in a row since its first graduates in March 1999

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(あんこ、24 June 10

 

All the students who will graduate from Kumamoto Prefectural College of Technology this spring have received official job offers. Despite the fact that many graduating students are struggling to get their jobs, all graduating students from this college each year have found their jobs since March 1993, which is for the five years running.

 

添削

 

All the students who will graduate from the Kumamoto Prefectural College of Technology this spring have received preliminary official job offers1. Despite the fact that many graduating students are struggling to find a job2 get their jobs, all graduates3 graduating students from this college each year have found a job their jobs for the five years running since its first graduates in March 1993, which is for the five years running4.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「就職内定率が100%に達した」を「総ての学生が内定をもらった」とわかりやすく言い直していますね。さて「内定」ですが、内定は会社の事情によっては後で取り消されることもあるので、a preliminary job offer, an informal job offerといった表現がよいでしょう。

 

2.       many studentsが主語ですが、many students are trying to find a jobというような表現が一般的です。many students are trying to find jobsというと一人の学生が複数の仕事を探している、という意味にもなります。こちらのほうが文法的に正しいと思われるのに不思議ですね。

 

3.       a graduating studentというと「これから卒業する学生」になります。

 

4.       「1999年3月の第一回卒業生以来、五年連続で内定率100%を維持している。」は先ずall graduates from this college have found a job.があり、これを修飾する表現としてfor the five years running (for the last five consecutive years, for the last five years in a row)を付け足します。そして最後のもう一つsince its first graduates in March 1993をおまけに付け足します。

 

添削後の文章

 

All the students who will graduate from the Kumamoto Prefectural College of Technology this spring have received preliminary job offers. Despite the fact that many graduating students are struggling to find a job, all graduates from this college have found a job for the five years running since its first graduates in March 1993.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 14(Tatsuo, 11 March 10

 

The informal assurance rate of employment for newly graduates in this spring achieved 100% at Kumamoto technical junior college. It is said now, job hunting has been very difficult but this school has kept 100% of the informal assurance rate on five consecutive years.

 

添削

 

The informal employment1 assurance rate of employment for newly graduates in this spring has reached achieved 100% at the Kumamoto tTechnical jJunior cCollege2. It is said now,  jJob hunting has been very difficult this year but this school has kept 100% of the informal employment assurance rate on for five consecutive years.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       英語は一般的に名詞の続く複合名詞を嫌いますが、ここではthe informal assurance rate…と見慣れぬ造成語があると「何のassuranceかな」と思いますから、添削のようにthe informal employment assurance rateという複合名詞のほうがわかりやすいでしょう。時間にしたら0.1秒以下のことですが、心理的には違います。不思議ですね。

 

2.       学校の固有名詞は実際にどのような英語名称を使っているのか知りませんが、Kumamoto Technical Junior Collegeというような一般的な名詞を組み合わせた固有名詞には、これは一つしかないということを強調して定冠詞が付く場合が多いです。

 

添削後の文章

 

The informal employment assurance rate for newly graduates in this spring has reached  100% at the Kumamoto Technical Junior College. Job hunting has been very difficult this year but this school has kept 100% of the informal employment assurance rate for five consecutive years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(mxtomi, 21 August 09

 

All the students who are graduating from the Kumamoto Junior College of Technology this spring have successfully found their jobs. Amid harsh employment situation, the college has kept the rate of employment on its graduates at the amazing 100% for five years running since March, 1999 when it produced the first graduates.

 

添削

 

All the students who are graduating from the Kumamoto Junior College of Technology this spring have successfully found their jobs. Amid the harsh employment situation, the college has kept the rate of employment on of its graduates at the amazing 100% for five years running since March, 1999 when it produced the first graduates.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

All the students who are graduating from the Kumamoto Junior College of Technology this spring have successfully found their jobs. Amid the harsh employment situation, the college has kept the rate of employment of its graduates at the amazing 100% for five years running since March, 1999 when it produced the first graduates.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(かい、16 July 08

 

Students who will graduate from Kumamoto Technological College this spring have accomplished the 100% for the rate of their getting an official job offer. Under the circumstance that students think it difficult to get a job, the college have been keeping up the 100% of the informal appointment in fifth year's running since the college had turned out the first graduates to the society on March,1999.

 

添削

 

Students who will graduate from Kumamoto Technological College this spring have accomplished the a 100% for the rate of their getting an informal official job offer. Under the circumstance that where students think it is difficult for a graduating student to get a job1, it is amazing that the college has have been keeping up the 100% rate of of the informal job offers appointment in the fifth running year's running since the college had turned out the first graduates to the society on in March,1999.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが、文中でan official job offerthe informal appointmentという違う言葉があり、さて両者は同じものを指すのか、違うものを指すのか混乱します。就職の内定はまだ正式に就職が決まったわけではないので、an informal job offerがよいでしょう。

 

1.       Under ~, は「就職が厳しい状況で」、という修飾節ですから、そのままthe college has been keeping up ~と続くと「就職が厳しい状況で、短期大学校は高い内定率を維持している。」となり、日本語では内容がスムースに続くように見えます。しかし英語のままで文を読むと修飾節と主節の関係がはっきりしません。「就職が厳しい状況である。短期大学校は高い内定率を維持している。」といった感じになります。これは日本語の「就職が厳しい状況」の「で」が曲者で「就職が厳しい状況にもかかわらず」と言った意味を持っているからです。英語で修飾節と主節の関係をはっきりさせるには添削のようにするか、In spite of the circumstances ~, the college ~. というような続け方をします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Students who will graduate from Kumamoto Technological College this spring have accomplished a 100% rate of getting an informal job offer. Under the circumstance where it is difficult for a graduating student to get a job, it is amazing that the college has been keeping up the 100% rate of informal job offers in the fifth running year since the college had turned out the first graduates in March,1999.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(kk, 1 March 08

 

The rate of landing preliminary job offers to coming graduates this spring in Kumamoto Prefectural College of Technology has reached 100% again. During the period of tough job market, this college has maintained the record of 100% job offer to the students before graduation for five years in a row since the first graduates in March 1999.

 

添削

 

The rate percentage of receiving landing preliminary job offers by to the students  coming graduatesing this spring in from Kumamoto Prefectural College of Technology this year has reached 100% again. During the period of the tough job market, this college has maintained the record of 100% job offer to the students before graduation for the last five years in a row since the their first graduates in March 1999.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The percentage of receiving preliminary job offers by the students graduating from Kumamoto Prefectural College of Technology this year has reached 100% again. During the period of the tough job market, this college has maintained the record of 100% job offer to the students before graduation for the last five years in a row since their first graduates in March 1999.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(dunkel, 26 November 07

 

Percentage of graduates who found work in this spring in Kumamoto Prefectural College of Technology reached 100%. They had kept 100% for five years in a row from the first graduates of the College on March 1999. It was a surprising news because we came up against very high unemployment rate now.

 

添削

 

The Ppercentage of new graduates from Kumamoto Prefectural College of Technology who found work in this spring in Kumamoto Prefectural College of Technology reached 100%. They The college had has kept a record of 100% for five years in a row from since the its first graduates of the College on in March 1999. It This1 was is a surprising news because we came the Japanese economy has had up against a very high unemployment rate for a while and it is not easy for a new graduate to find a job2 now.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、幾つがわからないところがあります。

 

1.       直前の文の内容を指すのでthis になります。

 

2.       このような説明を入れると内容がよくわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The percentage of new graduates from Kumamoto Prefectural College of Technology who found work this spring reached 100%. The college has kept a record of 100% for five years in a row since its first graduates in March 1999. This is a surprising news because the Japanese economy has had a very high unemployment rate for a while and it is not easy for a new graduate to find a job .

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(マーチャン、8 October 07

 

The percentage of students who will graduate from Kumamoto Prefectural Junior College of Technology next spring and have already found a job reached 100%. The junior college has succeeded in placing all students on a job for five years in a row since the first students graduated in March, 1999.

 

添削

 

The percentage of students who will graduate from Kumamoto Prefectural Junior College of Technology next spring and have already found a job reached 100%. The junior college has succeeded in placing all students on a job for five years in a row since the first students graduated in March, 1999. This is a remarkable performance when the job market for new college graduate is very tight in the prolonged recession.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかりますが、日本文にある「就職戦線が非常に厳しいといわれる中」という情報がありませんね。「就職内定率」と日本文にはありますが、who will graduate next spring and have already found a jobでそういう内容になりますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

The percentage of students who will graduate from Kumamoto Prefectural Junior College of Technology next spring and have already found a job reached 100%. The junior college has succeeded in placing all students on a job for five years in a row since the first students graduated in March, 1999. This is a remarkable performance when the job market for new college graduate is very tight in the prolonged recession.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(散歩人、25 April 07

 

The percentage of Kumamoto Prefectural College of Technology graduates who fond work succeeded in achieving 100%. In spite of saying that it is hard for graduates to found work, all of the college graduates have got work for the fifth straight year since the students first graduated from the college in March 1999.

 

添削

 

The percentage of Kumamoto Prefectural College of Technology graduates who fond had received a preliminary job offer reached  work succeeded in achieving1 100%. In spite of the economic conditions2 where saying that it is hard for college graduates to found find work a job3, all of the college graduates have got found a job work for the fifth straight year since the students first graduated from the college in March 1999.

 

コメント

 

1.       仕事の内定はa preliminary job offerと表現できます。The percentage succeeded in ~とは続きません。The percentage reached ~.とします。

 

2.       the economic conditionsと具体的にするのがよいでしょう。

 

3.       workは「働く(給料を払ってもらうものや、もらわないもの)」一般を指すこともあるので、ここではa jobのほうが具体的になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The percentage of Kumamoto Prefectural College of Technology graduates who had received a preliminary job offer reached 100%. In spite of the economic conditions where it is hard for college graduates to find a job, all of the college graduates have found a job for the fifth straight year since students first graduated from the college in March 1999.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(吉、27 December 06

 

100 percentage of students who are graduating this spring from Kumamoto Prefectural college of Technology have got informal job offer. Amid bleak job market, the job-placement rate after graduation has been held 100% for five years in a row, since the first students graduated in March, 1999.

 

添削

 

One hundred1 percent100 percentage of students who are graduating this spring from Kumamoto Prefectural Junior cCollege of Technology have already got an informal job offer. Amid the bleak job market, the job-placement rate after graduation has been held at100% for five years in a row, since the first students graduated in March, 1999.

 

コメント

 

1.       文章の始めが数の時は英単語で書くのがよいでしょう(数字には大文字が無いので、文の始めがわかり難い、というのが理由でしょう)。

 

添削後の文章

 

One hundred percent of students who are graduating this spring from Kumamoto Prefectural Junior College of Technology have already got an informal job offer. Amid the bleak job market, the job-placement rate after graduation has been held at100% for five years in a row since the first students graduated in March, 1999.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、28 November 06

 

The percentage of students who will graduate from Kumamoto Prefectural Junior College of Technology next spring and have already found work achieved to 100%. The junior college has kept 100% in percentage for five years in a row since the first graduates graduated in March, 1999.

 

添削

 

The percentage of students who will graduate from Kumamoto Prefectural Junior College of Technology next spring and have already found work a reached achieved to 100%1. The junior college has kept succeeded in placing all students on a job100% in percentage2 for five years in a row since the first graduates students graduated in March, 1999.

 

コメント

 

1.       The percentage of students who are A and B is C.という形で、AとBの部分が長く、結論のCの部分に来るまでに時間が(心理的な)かかります。次のような形に言い換えられます。All students who graduate from Kumamoto Prefectural Junior College of Technology next spring have already found a job. 日本文に忠実に「採用内定の知らせを受け取った」とするにはhave already received an informal job offerとするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       100%の意味するものがはっきりしないので、添削のように説明するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The percentage of students who will graduate from Kumamoto Prefectural Junior College of Technology next spring and have already found a reached 100%. The junior college has succeeded in placing all students on a job for five years in a row since the first students graduated in March, 1999.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(tange, 9 May 06

 

A rate of informal job offers reached 100 %. Graduating students at Kumamoto Prefectural College of Technology got this rate. The college has kept the rate for five years in a raw since the first graduation in March 1999 although the job market for recent graduates are very small.

 

添削

 

A The rate of informal job offers reached 100 %.for Graduating students at from Kumamoto Prefectural College of Technology got this rate has reached 100% this year again1. The college has kept the this amazing2 rate for five years in a raw row since the first group of students graduated3 graduation in March 1999 although the job markets for recent graduates are very small. have been very tough.

 

コメント

 

1.       文章の最初のセンテンスは文章の要点や、内容の始まり、を示すようにすると読者にわかりやすくなります。A rate of job offers reached 100%.とすると唐突で読者がまごつくので添削のように、次の文の内容と続けるとよいでしょう。this year againagainをいれて次の文の内容とつながりを持たせるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       日本文にはありませんが、就職内定率100%とはたいしたものなのだということを強調するために入れました。

 

3.       since the first graduationでもよいですが、前の文でstudentsが出てくるので、これと合わせてsince the first group of students graduatedとすると、同じ言葉が出てくるので読者にわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The rate of informal job offers for students from Kumamoto Prefectural College of Technology has reached 100% this year again. The college has kept this amazing rate for five years in a row since the first group of students graduated in March 1999 although the job markets for recent graduates have been very tough.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 18 August 05

 

At Kumamoto prefectural junior college of technology, the percentage of next spring graduates who found work reached 100%. Despite of hiring slump, the junior college has kept the rate of 100% for five consecutive years since March 1999, the junior college turned out its first graduates.

 

添削

 

At Kumamoto pPrefectural jJunior cCollege of tTechnology1, the percentage of students graduating next spring2 graduates who had already found work3 has4 reached 100%. Despite of the current hiring slump, the junior college has kept the rate of 100% for five consecutive years since March 1999,when the junior college it5 turned out its first graduates.

 

1.       全体にわかりやすい構文ですね。これは固有名詞なので大文字にします。

 

2.       next spring graduatesでわからないこともないですが、英文は名詞を並べた複合名詞を嫌うので(漢字が並んだ日本語の複合名詞は、今春卒業予定者、のように卒業、予定に動詞の意味があるのでわかりやすい)添削のようにしたほうがよいでしょう。

 

3.       have found workでも、この文の前に今春卒業予定とあるので多分、内定だとわかりますが、明確にしたいときにはhave already received tentative job offersとするとよいでしょう。

 

4.       現在完了形のほうが内容が強調されます。一つ前のhaveは、この時点より前に内定をもらっているのでhad already foundと過去完了系になります。

 

5.       文の主語がthe junior collegewhen以下と同じなので代名詞がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

At Kumamoto Prefectural Junior College of Technology, the percentage of students graduating next spring who had already found work has reached 100%. Despite of the current hiring slump, the junior college has kept the rate of 100% for five consecutive years since March 1999when it turned out its first graduates.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、10 July 04

 

It has turned out that 100% of the students who are due to graduate from Kumamoto Prefectural College of Technology this spring have unofficial job offers before graduation.  Despite the recent tough employment situation, the college has recorded the percentage of 100% for five years in a row since the first graduation in March, 1999.

 

添削

 

It has turned out that1 100% of theAll students who are due to graduate from Kumamoto Prefectural College of Technology this spring have already received2 unofficial job offers before graduation. Despite the recent tough employment situation job market3 in recent years, the college has recorded succeeded in securing a job for all its graduates the percentage of 100%4 for five years in a row since the it graduated the first group of students5 first graduation in March, 1999.

 

コメント

 

マウント60さんの投稿のままでも内容はわかります。添削は投稿を読みやすくしました。

 

1.       「蓋を開けてみたら〜であった」、「〜という結果になった」という感じの、文と文のつながりを良くする文節で、文章の始めに置いたときは、「さてさてと」という感じで、読者に次の本文の内容を理解する準備をさせます。このれいでは事実関係を述べた内容が次にくるので、この文節を入れないで直接に本文を始めたほうが良いでしょう。

 

2.       日本文では「就職内定率が100%」とあるので100%となっていますが、英文では単にall studentsの方がわかりやすいでしょう。

 

3.       tough job marketが一般的に使われています。tough employment situationより就職者にとって厳しい、という意味がはっきりします。

 

4.       100%という言葉を使わないので、説明的になります。

 

5.       主文の主語が技術短期大学校なので、従属文の主語も同じにするとこのようになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

All students who are due to graduate from Kumamoto Prefectural College of Technology this spring have already received unofficial job offers. Despite the tough job market in recent years, the college has succeeded in securing a job for all its graduates for five years in a row since it graduated the first group of students in March, 1999.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(tama, 11 May 04

 

This spring, graduating students of 100% in Prefectural Technical college of Kumamoto got formal job offer. The rate of 100% has been kept for the fifth years in a row since the first students graduated in March, 1999, even though it is said to be hard to get job.

 

添削

 

This spring, all graduating students of 100% in from the Prefectural Technical cCollege of Kumamoto1 got formal informal job offers before they actually graduated2. The rate of 100% of students’ receiving informal job offers3 has been kept for the fifth years in a row since the first group of students graduated in March, 1999., even though it is said to be hard to get job.This is a remarkable performance in light of the tough job market for new graduates for the last several years4.

 

コメント

 

1.       学校名は固有名詞なので大文字で始めます。

 

2.       就職の内定と新卒の一斉雇用は日本的な慣習なので、英文では(日本の事情に詳しくない読者を想定して)説明を加えたほうが良いでしょう。

 

3.       投稿のままでもわかりますが、添削のようにすると、この100%が何を指すか、わかりやすくなります。短い文章ですが、内容を明確にするためには、このような内容の繰り返しは入れたほうが良いです。繰り返しを省いて読者に内容を想像させるより、繰り返しを入れて読者に内容を明確に示すことがプレイン・イングリッシュの基本になります。

 

4.       ここは日本の事情に疎い読者を想定しての補足説明です。

 

添削後の文章

 

This spring, all graduating students from the Prefectural Technical College of Kumamoto got informal job offers before they actually graduated. The rate of 100% of students’ receiving informal job offers has been kept for the fifth years in a row since the first group of students graduated in March, 1999. This is a remarkable performance in light of the tough job market for new graduates for the last several years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Ken, 6 March 03

 

All new graduates from the Kumamoto Junior College of Technologies this spring have already received an informal job offer. In spite of a tough labor market for new graduates, the College has succeeded that all its new graduates receive an informal job offer over the last five consecutive years since it had graduated its first group of students in March 1999.

 

添削

 

This spring1, All all new graduates from the Kumamoto Junior College of Technologies this spring have already received an informal job offer2. This is3 Iin spite of a tough labor market for new graduates, . tThe College has been successful in having succeeded that all its new graduates receive an informal job offer over the for last five consecutive years since it had  the first group4 graduated its first group of students in March 1999.

 

コメント

 

1.       「今春」は「今年の春もまた100パーセントの内定率」という内容に大切なので、文の最後から最初に移動しました。

 

2.       Kenさんは「就職内定率が100%に達した」を「卒業生全員が内定をもらった」と表現しています。パーセントで表現するより内容がわかりやすくなったと思います。

 

3.       独立した文にしたほうが内容が強調されると思います。

 

4.       学校の代わりに卒業生を主語にすると文が簡単になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

This spring, all new graduates from the Kumamoto Junior College of Technologies have already received an informal job offer. This is in spite of a tough labor market for new graduates. The College has been successful in having all its new graduates receive an informal job offer for five consecutive years since the first group graduated in March 1999.

 

 

練習問題 38

 

インターネットで情報を探し出すには多大の労力を要します。人間はコンピュータと向き合って指令を出した後5秒以内に応答が返ってこないとイライラするといわれています。残念なことに、しかし、日本の現状では5秒以内でインターネットの情報の応答が完了することはまれです。

 

読者からの投稿 23(だっち、27 July 14

 

It is very arduous to find the information on the web. They say that people will be irritated if the computer does not respond to orders within 5 seconds. Unfortunately, however, at the current situation in Japan, computers rarely finish responding in regard to online information within 5 seconds.

 

添削

 

It is very arduous to find the information on the web. They say that people will be irritated if the computer does not respond to an request orders within 5 seconds. Unfortunately, however, at the current situation in Japan, the1 computers rarely finishes responding to the request for in regard to online information within 5 seconds.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       The computerでコンピュータ一般を代表します。

 

添削後の文章

 

It is very arduous to find information on the web. They say that people will be irritated if the computer does not respond to an request within 5 seconds. Unfortunately, however, at the current situation in Japan, the computer rarely finishes responding to the request for online information within 5 seconds.

 

 

読者からの投稿 22(sasuke, 22 January 14

 

A lot of efforts are required for finding information over the Internet. It is said that people is getting irritated if the reply of submitted commands doesn't return within five seconds. Unfortunately however, it's rarely to complete replying on the Internet within five seconds in current Japanese situation.

 

添削

 

A lot of efforts are required for finding information over the Internet. It is said that people is are getting irritated if the reply to a of submitted commands doesn't return an answer within five seconds. Unfortunately however, the reply it's is rarely to completed replying on the Internet within five seconds in the current Japanese situation.

 

コメント

 

最後の文の意味がわかりません。

 

添削後の文章

 

A lot of efforts are required for finding information over the Internet. It is said that people are getting irritated if the reply to a submitted command doesn't return an answer within five seconds. Unfortunately however, the reply is rarely completed within five seconds in the current Japanese situation.

 

 

読者からの投稿 21(owl, 10 January 14

 

It takes lots of effort to find out information through the Internet. It is said that we get frustrated if there is not a response within five seconds after entering a command into a computer. However, in Japan as it stands, we hardly ever receive a response after entering a command into a computer.

 

添削

 

It takes lots of effort to find out information on through the Internet. It is said that we get frustrated if there is not a response within five seconds after entering a command into a computer. However, in Japan as it stands, we hardly ever receive a response in five seconds after entering a command into a computer.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。検索エンジンの進化で現在で一瞬で応答がきますね。この問題の内容は古くなりました。

 

添削後の文章

 

It takes lots of effort to find out information on the Internet. It is said that we get frustrated if there is not a response within five seconds after entering a command into a computer. However, in Japan as it stands, we hardly ever receive a response in five seconds after entering a command into a computer.

 

 

読者からの投稿 20(文月、13 October 13

 

You need a lot of efforts to find out desired information on the Internet. It is said that people will be irritated if no response returns within five seconds after they have issued a command against a computer. Unfortunately, it is rare that a response to an information request has completed within five seconds now in Japan.

 

添削

 

You need a lot of efforts to find out desired information on the Internet. It is said that people will be irritated if no response returns within five seconds after they have issued a command against to a computer. Unfortunately, it is rare that a response to an information request has completed within five seconds now in Japan.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。この問題を作ってから10年近くたちました。この間の検索エンジンの性能の向上はものすごくて、このような問題はもはやありません。

 

添削後の文章

 

You need a lot of efforts to find out desired information on the Internet. It is said that people will be irritated if no response returns within five seconds after they have issued a command to a computer. Unfortunately, it is rare that a response to an information request has completed within five seconds now in Japan.

 

 

読者からの投稿 19(Valley winds, 20 August 12

 

It is tough for us to search information on the Internet. Most people seem to be irritated by no response within five seconds, after they command computers to do something. Unfortunately, completing to get information from the Internet within five second in Japan is very rare.

 

添削

 

It is tough for us to search information on the Internet. Most people seem to be irritated when by they do not receive any response within five seconds, after they command computers to do something. Unfortunately, completing to getting information on from the Internet within five second in Japan is very rare in Japan now.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。この例題は10年近くも前のものです。この10年のブロードバンドコミュニケーションの進歩はめざましいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

It is tough for us to search information on the Internet. Most people seem to be irritated when  they do not receive any response within five seconds after they command computers to do something. Unfortunately, getting information on the Internet within five second is very rare in Japan now.

 

 

読者からの投稿 18(OKEN, 13 June 12

 

We need many efforts to find out necessary information via the internet. It is said that we will be frustrated if we can not get a response from a computer within five seconds after we provide direction to it. Unfortunately, however, considering current power of computers in Japan, we can hardly get a response within five seconds from them.

 

添削

 

We need many efforts to find out necessary information we want on via the internet. It is said that we will be frustrated if we can not get a response from a computer within five seconds after we provide give it a direction to it. Unfortunately in Japan, however, considering current power of computers in Japan1, we can hardly get a response within five seconds on the Internet from them.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかりますが、日本文の内容の解釈が私と違います。

 

これはコンピュータの演算速度では無く、当時のインターネット・アクセスとサーチエンジンのスピードが遅かったためだとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

We need many efforts to find out information we want on the internet. It is said that we will be frustrated if we can not get a response from a computer within five seconds after we give it a direction. Unfortunately in Japan, however, we can hardly get a response within five seconds on the Internet .

 

 

読者からの投稿 17(Yoshi, 28 November 10

 

You have a lot of work to find information on the internet. It said that you feel frustrated if you don't receive a reply within five minutes. Unfortunately, It is rare for you to get the reply within 5 minutes on the internet environment in Japan.

 

添削

 

You have to do a lot of work to find information on the internet. It is said that you feel frustrated if you don't receive a reply within five seconds minutes. Unfortunately, It is rare for you to get a the reply within 5 five seconds minutes in on the current internet environment in Japan.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。五分も待つとなると確かにいらいらしますよね。

 

添削後の文章

 

You have to do a lot of work to find information on the internet. It is said that you feel frustrated if you don't receive a reply within five seconds. Unfortunately, It is rare for you to get a reply within five seconds in the current internet environment in Japan.

 

 

読者からの投稿 16(あんこ、27 June 10

 

Trying to obtain information on the Internet, you have to be patient with computers. You might be frustrated when you don't get a response in five seconds. As of now in Japan, you could not expect a quick response from websites in five seconds.

 

添削

 

Trying to To1 obtain information on the Internet, you have to be patient with a computers. You might2 be frustrated when you don't get a response in five seconds. As of now in Japan, you can could3 not expect a quick4 response from websites in five seconds.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       trying to obtainto obtainは内容が同じですから短い表現にします。

 

2.       you might be frustratedは「(あまりこのようなことは起こらないとは思うが)イライラするかもしれない」という意味合いです。

 

3.       ここでは実際に起こることなのでyou cannotにします。

 

4.       a quick responsequickを入れるとかえってa responsein five secondsの関係が

わかりにくくなります。you cannot expect a response in quicker than five seconds.と表現することも出来ますが、添削例のほうが簡単です。

 

添削後の文章

 

To obtain information on the Internet, you have to be patient with a computer. You might be frustrated when you don't get a response in five seconds. As of now in Japan, you can not expect a response from websites in five seconds.

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(あすか、17 March 10

 

To find out information you want on the internet takes up too much time. It is said that when a computer freezes for 5 seconds after telling the computer what to do, you would feel irritated. However, the internet circumstance in Japan now is rare for getting completion response within five seconds.

 

添削

 

To find out information you want on the internet takes up too much time. It is said that when a computer freezes does not return information within for 5 five seconds after you give a command telling the computer what to do, you would feel irritated. However, the internet circumstance in Japan now does rarely give you is rare for getting completion a response within five seconds.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、コンピュータ用語でfreezeはコンピュータが何らかの理由で動かなくなる状態をいいます。パソコンは不思議な発展の歴史をたどり、ごく少数の専門家向けの器具が急速に一般に普及してしまいました。そのため、まだfreezeがあります(テレビがfreezeすることはまずないですね)。そのため、このfreezeの処置をいろいろ知っていないとパソコンを上手に使えないという状態のままです。私はコンピュータ無しでは生活できませんが、コンピュータにたいするうらみつらみは山ほどあります。

 

添削後の文章

 

To find out information you want on the internet takes up too much time. It is said that when a computer does not return information within five seconds after you give a command what to do, you feel irritated. However, the internet circumstance in Japan now does rarely give you a response within five seconds.

 

 

読者からの投稿 14(Tatsuo, 17 March 10

 

Searching for information on the Internet is very hard work. Humans are said to be getting irritated by a computer when we can’t get any response within five seconds after giving a command. Unfortunately, it rarely get information within five seconds under the current situation in Japan.                

 

添削

 

Searching for information on the Internet is very hard work. We Humans1 are said to be getting irritated by a computer when we can’t get any response within five seconds after giving a command. Unfortunately, we can it rarely get information within five seconds under the current situation in Japan.                

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。現在ではネット検索は随分簡単で早くなりましたね。

 

1.       humansでもよいのですが、すると代名詞がtheyになります。この文章ではweで統一するのが簡単でしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Searching for information on the Internet is very hard work. We are said to get irritated by a computer when we can’t get any response within five seconds after giving a command. Unfortunately, we can rarely get information within five seconds under the current situation in Japan.                

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(mxtomi, 21 August 09

 

To arrive at pertinent information through the internet requires lots of efforts. We, human beings, are said to get irritated when the computer fails to respond to our inputs within 5 seconds. Unfortunately, however, currently in Japan, we can hardly expect to obtain the response from the internet within 5 seconds.

 

添削

 

To arrive find out1 at pertinent information you want on through the internet requires lots of efforts. We, human beings, are said to get irritated when the computer fails to respond to our information search inputs within 5 seconds. Unfortunately, however, currently in Japan, we can hardly expect to obtain receive the response from the internet within 5 seconds.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       探している情報がインターネット上に有るとは限りませんから、find outがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

To find out information you want on the internet requires lots of efforts. We, human beings, are said to get irritated when the computer fails to respond to our information search within 5 seconds. Unfortunately, however, we can hardly expect to receive the response from the internet within 5 seconds.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(かい、26 June 08

 

We need to have much time to search for the information which we want to know by use of Internet. It is said that people will be irritated if computer cant’ respond to the instruction from them within five seconds. But, to my disappointment, it is rare for computers to complete the response to information on the Internet within five seconds in current Japanese situation.

 

添削

 

We need to have spend much time on to searching for the information1 which we want to know by use of on the Internet. It is said that people we2 will be irritated if a computer cant respond to our the instruction from them within five seconds. But, to our my disappointment, it is rare in Japan now for a computers to complete the response to our information request on the Internet within five seconds in current Japanese situation.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       informationだけでよいです。情報一般を言っているので 定冠詞は付きません。

 

2.       peopleよりweとしたほうが身近になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

We need to spend much time on searching information on the Internet. It is said that we will be irritated if a computer can’t respond to our instruction within five seconds. But, to our  disappointment, it is rare in Japan now for a computer to complete the response to our information request on the Internet within five seconds .

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(kk, 2 March 08

 

To retrieve needed information on the Internet requires a lot of efforts. It is said that people tend to get irritated when a computer doesn't respond within five seconds after a request. Unfortunately, however, it is rare to get a complete response to a request within five seconds in Japan's current situation.

 

添削

 

To find and retrieve needed information on the Internet requires a lot of efforts. It is said that people tend to get irritated when a computer doesn't respond within five seconds after a request is issued. Unfortunately, however, it is rare to get a complete response to a request within five seconds in Japan's current situation Internet environment.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

To find and retrieve information on the Internet requires a lot of efforts. It is said that people tend to get irritated when a computer doesn't respond within five seconds after a request is issued. Unfortunately, however, it is rare to get a complete response to a request within five seconds in Japan's current Internet environment.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(dunkel, 27 November 07

 

We spend too much time when we try to find a proper information from the Internet. It is a well-known fact that we usually feel irritable if we can't get a proper response within five seconds after we order. Regrettably, we can rarely find a response properly finished within five seconds in Japan now because of the poor internet environment.

 

添削

 

We spend too much time when we try to find a proper information from on the Internet. It is a well-known fact that we usually feel irritable irritated if we can't get a proper response within five seconds after we order a request. Regrettably, we can rarely find receive a response properly finished within five seconds in Japan now because of the poor iInternet environment.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。 この記事が書かれてころの比べるとインターネット上の情報検索はずいぶんと進歩しました。日本文の内容に曖昧なところがあり、ネット検索エンジンのレスポンスが遅いのか、必要な情報を探すのが遅いのかわかりませんが、添削では前者にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

We spend too much time when we try to find information on the Internet. It is a well-known fact that we usually feel irritated if we can't get a response within five seconds after we order a request. Regrettably, we can rarely receive a response within five seconds in Japan now because of the poor Internet environment.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(マーチャン、8 October 07

 

We need to make much efforts to find out information on the Internet. After we send out a command to the computer, we get irritated when we cannot get a response within 5 seconds. But, unfortunately, it is rare in Japan to get the information on the Internet within 5 seconds.

 

添削

 

We need to make much efforts to find out information on the Internet. After we send out a command to the computer, we get irritated when we cannot get a response within 5 seconds. But, unfortunately, it is rare in Japan to get the information on the Internet within 5 seconds.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 8(散歩人、25 April 07

 

We have much trouble getting information via the Internet. It is said that man feels irritated in the case that they cannot get the response from a computer within 5 seconds. Unfortunately, we can hardly get the response from the Internet in the current Japanese situation.

 

添削

 

We have much trouble getting information via the Internet. It is said that man we1 feels irritated in the case that they when we cannot get the a response from a the computer2 within 5 five3 seconds. Unfortunately, we can hardly get the response within five seconds from the Internet in the current Japanese situation.

 

コメント

 

1.       既にweを主語にしているので文章全体でweを使うとよいでしょう。

 

2.       応答一般でa response、今使っている身近にあるコンピュータという意味でthe computerとなります。

 

3.       数が小さい場合はfive secondsとしたほうが文章に見栄えがよい、という人が多いです。

 

添削後の文章

 

We have much trouble getting information via the Internet. It is said that we feel irritated  when we cannot get a response from the computer within five seconds. Unfortunately, we can hardly get the response within five seconds from the Internet in the current Japanese situation.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(吉、31 December 06

 

A search information in internet requires tremendous energy. It is said that we became irritated if we cannot get response from a computer in five seconds. Unfortunately, it is rare under present circumstance in Japan that computers respond in five seconds.

 

添削

 

A sSearching1 information in on the iInternet requires a lo of efforts tremendous energy. It is said that we becaome irritated if when2 we cannot get a response from a computer in five seconds. Unfortunately, it is rare under the3 present circumstance in Japan that the computers respond to your request4 in five seconds.

 

コメント

 

1.       「情報を探すこと」searching informationとします。

 

2.       「五秒以内に」と時間を述べているので、ifよりwhenがよいでしょう。

 

3.       「日本の現状」という特別なものなので定冠詞がつきます。

 

4.       インターネットで情報検索のキーワードを打ち込んでから、情報が提示されるまでに時間がかかる、ということなので、このような補足説明を入れると内容がはっきりします。現在ではインターネットへの高速接続が普及しているので、随分状況は変わりましたね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Searching information on the Internet requires a lo of efforts. It is said that we become irritated when we cannot get a response from a computer in five seconds. Unfortunately, it is rare under the present circumstance in Japan that the computer respond to your request in five seconds.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、29 November 06

 

We need make much efforts to find out information on Internet. After people send out commands to a computer, they will get irritated when they cannot get the responses within 5 seconds. But, unfortunately, it is rare to get the information on Internet within 5 seconds as Japan is.

 

添削

 

We need to make much efforts to find out information on the1 Internet. After people we2 send out a3 commands to a the4 computer, they we will 5get irritated when they we cannot get the a responses within 5 seconds. But, unfortunately, it is rare in Japan6 to get the information on the Internet within 5 seconds as Japan is7.

 

コメント

 

1.       インターネットは通常定冠詞を付けて使います。

 

2.       文章をweで始めたので、weで統一します。

 

3.       いろいろな命令を出すわけですが、a commandで代表します。

 

4.       手元のコンピュータということでthe computerとします。文章に始めて出てきますが、読者にわかるものということで定冠詞を付けます。

 

5.       正確には命令を出した段階で、反応が戻ってくるのは未来になりますが、一般的な状況の説明なので、通常は未来形を使いません。

6.       「日本の現状では」とありますが、特に現状が必要なわけでもないので、単にin Japan でよいでしょう。

 

7.       文の要素を順番を次のように入れ替えると、文の主要な部分が強調されます。We tend to get irritated when we cannot get a response within five seconds after we send a command to the computer.

 

添削後の文章

 

We need to make much efforts to find out information on the Internet. After we send out a command to the computer, we get irritated when we cannot get a response within 5 seconds. But, unfortunately, it is rare in Japan to get the information on the Internet within 5 seconds.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(tange, 12 May 06

 

It takes time and patience to find out information you need by the Internet. Apparently, human beings can control themselves if responses come to you within 5 seconds. Unfortunately, it is rare that you get responses within 5 seconds in the current network system in Japan.  

 

添削

 

It takes time and patience1 to find out information you need by on the Internet. Apparently, human beings can control themselves2 if responses come back to you within 5 seconds. Unfortunately, it is rare that you get responses within 5 seconds in the current network system in Japan.  

 

コメント

 

1.       「多大の労力を要します」をIt takes time and patience to ~としたのがわかりやすくてよいですね。全体のわかりやすい英文です。Apparently, Unfortunatelyで文と文の内容の関連をよくしているのも、わかりやすさの要因です。

 

2.       control themselvesというと「イライラするのをじっと我慢している」という感じですね。they cannot control themselvesという状態になると、どうするのでしょうね。もっとおだやかな表現ならthey feel comfortableでもよいでしょう。わたしはインターネット検索は音楽を聴きながらしています。

 

添削後の文章

 

It takes time and patience to find out information you need on the Internet. Apparently, human beings can control themselves if responses come back to you within 5 seconds. Unfortunately, it is rare that you get responses within 5 seconds in the current network system in Japan.  

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 22 August 05

 

We lose much energy to find out some information via internet. It is said that many people feel frustration when they could not have any feedback from computers in five seconds. Unfortunately, it is still unusual in Japan that we could get information from internet in five second.

 

添削

 

We lose spend much energy to on finding out some information via the iInternet1. It is said that many people feel frustration frustrated when they could can not have any feedback from  the Internet2 computers in five seconds. Unfortunately, it is still unusual rare3 in Japan that we could can get information from the iInternet in five seconds.

 

コメント

 

1.       インターネットは通常、the Internetと表現します。

 

2.       日本文は「コンピュータからの応答」とありますが、内容を考えるとインターネットからの応答がよいでしょう。

 

3.       It is unusual that we can ~ は「〜出来ることは、普通ではない。」と肯定と否定が同一の文に入るので読み難くなります。Usually, we cannot get information in five seconds. Only rarely, we can get information in five seconds. のように文中の肯定、否定を意味する言葉を一つにすると読みやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

We spend much energy on finding information via the Internet. It is said that many people feel frustrated when they can not have any feedback from the Internet in five seconds. Unfortunately, it is still rare in Japan that we can get information from the Internet in five seconds.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、10 July 04

 

It requires a lot of labor to find necessary information on the Internet. Human beings are said to be irritated unless they get responses within five seconds after giving commands in a face-to-face contact with the computer. Unfortunately, however, it seldom occurs under the circumstances in Japan that the exchanges of information on the Internet complete within five seconds.

 

添削

 

It requires a lot of labor to find necessary information on the Internet. And we get1 Human beings are said to be irritated unless they we get responses within five seconds after giving commands in a face-to-face contact with to the computer. Unfortunately, however, it seldom occurs under the circumstances is rather rare in Japan that we2 can complete a command-response cycle the exchanges of information on the Internet complete within five seconds on the Internet.

 

コメント

 

マウント60さんの投稿は日本文の内容に忠実な、日本語で言えば文語体のような、硬い文章です。プレイン・イングリッシュは簡明な文章を規範としているので、添削では読みやすいように平易な表現にしてあります。

 

1.       「人間はコンピュータと向き合って指令を出した後5秒以内に応答が返ってこないとイライラするといわれています。」は心理学の調査結果の引用のようですが、文脈のなかで特に科学的調査の結果が重要ともおもわれないので、添削のように平易にしてよいでしょう。

 

2.       Weを主語にすると平易になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

It requires a lot of labor to find necessary information on the Internet. And we get irritated unless we get responses within five seconds after giving commands to the computer. Unfortunately, however, it is rather rare in Japan that we can complete a command-response cycle within five seconds on the Internet.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(tama, 11 May 04

 

A plenty of labor is required for searching information through internet. It is said that non response within five seconds after commanding to the computer gets man irritated. Unfortunately, it's rare that response return from internet within five seconds in Japan.

 

添削

 

A plenty of labor effort1 is required for searching information through on the iInternet2. It is said that3 non No response4 within five seconds after commanding to the computer to gets information makes us man irritated. Unfortunately, it's it is still rare that we can get5 a response return from the iInternet within five seconds in Japan.

 

コメント

 

1.       laborというと体を動かして肉体労働をするといった感じになるので、effortのほうが良いでしょう。私のデスクトップは様々な周辺機器に接続していて、接続配線がスパゲッティーのように机の後ろに乱れています。周辺機器が調子が悪くなったときなど、接続を切ったり入れたりするのは、机の下にもぐりこんでする肉体労働になりますが。

 

2.       インターネットはいまや普通名詞になり小文字でthe internetと表現する場合が多くなってきました。ここでは古風にthe Internetとしておきます。

 

3.       「イライラするといわれています。」は日本語に多い婉曲表現ですが、「イライラする。」と言い切っても誰に迷惑をかけるわけでもないので、英文では婉曲表現は必要ないでしょう。

 

4.       「レスポンスが無いこと」を主語にしたのが良かったですね。文が直裁にわかりやすくなります。

 

5.       文の後ろのほうにin Japanとあるので、主語をweとすると話が具体的でわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A plenty of effort is required for searching information on the Internet. No response within five seconds after commanding the computer to get information makes us irritated. Unfortunately, it is still rare that we can get a response from the Internet within five seconds in Japan.

 

読者からの投稿 1(Ken, 6 March 03

 

It takes a lot of effort to find out the information we need on the Internet. We tend to get irritated when we cannot retrieve the information within five seconds after we send a command to retrieve the information to the source of that information. At present, however, we can rarely retrieve information within five seconds on the Internet in Japan.

 

添削

 

It takes a lot of effort to find out the information we need1 on the Internet. We tend to get irritated2 when we cannot retrieve the information3 within five seconds after we send a command to retrieve the information to the command is sent to4 the source. of that information. At present, however, 5we can are rarely able to retrieve information6 within five seconds on the Internet in Japan.

 

コメント

 

1.       information we needは「必要な情報」一般ですから定冠詞theはいりません。

 

2.       「イライラするといわれています」を単にwe tend to get irritatedとしたのがよいですね。日本語ではこのような婉曲表現が多いですが、文の内容や特に婉曲に表現する必要のあるものではなく、慣習的に婉曲表現を使っているだけです。このようなときには英語の表現では婉曲な言い方はやめて、直裁に表現します。

 

3.       このthe informationは前にでてきた情報についてですから、定冠詞がつきます。

 

4.       ここでは「コンピューターのコマンド」を主語にすると文が簡単になります。

 

5.       We are rarely able to retrieve ~ と言っているのでhoweverは意味が重複するので省きます。

 

6.       このinformationは情報一般についていっているので定冠詞はいりません。

 

添削後の文章

 

It takes a lot of effort to find information we need on the Internet. We tend to get irritated when we cannot retrieve the information within five seconds after the command is sent to the source. At present, we are rarely able to retrieve information within five seconds on the Internet in Japan.

 

 

練習問題 39

 

競馬やパチンコ、カジノなどを研究対象とした「ギャンブリング・ゲーミング学会」が21日に発足した。「年間40兆円市場」とも言われる国内のギャンブル産業を学際的に研究するのが目的である。

 

読者からの投稿 20(sasuke, 25 January 14

 

Japan Academy of Gambling & Gaming Studies, its research objects are horse racing, pachinko and casino, was set up on February 2. The purpose is to research domestic gambling industry which is called "annual 40 trillion yen market" from interdisciplinary viewpoints.

 

添削

 

The Japan Academy of Gambling & Gaming Studies, with1 its research objects of are horse racing, pachinko and casino, was set up on February 2. The purpose was2 is to conduct interdisciplinary research of the domestic gambling industry which was is called "an annual 40 trillion yen market."  from interdisciplinary viewpoints.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       its research objects are horse racingはこれ自体が文です。主文の一部ですから、従属句(添削例)かまたは従属節 its research objects being interdisciplinary research of ~ にします。

 

2.       Was set upの過去形に合わせて過去形にします。動詞の時制の一致で、英語の癖です。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Japan Academy of Gambling & Gaming Studies, with its research objects of horse racing, pachinko and casino, was set up on February 2. The purpose was to conduct interdisciplinary research of the domestic gambling industry which was called "an annual 40 trillion yen market." .

 

 

読者からの投稿 19(owl, 10 January 14

 

Gambling and Gaming Association for studying about horse racing, pachinko, casinos and other gambles was launched on February 1st. It is aimed at doing an interdisciplinary study on the domestic gamble industry, which some people call an "annual 40 trillion yen market.

 

添削

 

The Gambling and Gaming Association for studying about horse racing, pachinko, casinos and other gambles was launched on February 1st. It is aimed at doing an interdisciplinary study on the domestic gamble industry, which some people call an "annual 40 trillion yen market.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Gambling and Gaming Association for studying about horse racing, pachinko, casinos and other gambles was launched on February 1st. It is aimed at doing an interdisciplinary study on the domestic gamble industry, which some people call an "annual 40 trillion yen market”.

 

 

読者からの投稿 18(文月、15 December 13

 

Japan Academy of Gambling & Gaming Studies was launched on February 1, which studies horse racing, pachinko, casino and so on. The aim of this academy is to study domestic gambling industry, a marketplace of forty trillion yen per year, in interdisciplinary approaches.

 

添削

 

Japan Academy of Gambling & Gaming Studies was launched on February 1 to study , which studies gambling and gaming industries such as horse racing, pachinko, and casinos and so on. The aim of this academy is to conduct interdisciplinary study of those domestic gambling and gaming industryindustries which are as large as , a marketplace of forty trillion yen per year, in interdisciplinary approaches.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。添削は文章を読みやすくしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japan Academy of Gambling & Gaming Studies was launched on February 1 to study   gambling and gaming industries such as horse racing, pachinko, and casinos. The aim of this academy is to conduct interdisciplinary study of those domestic gambling and gaming industries which are as large as forty trillion yen per year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 17(Valley winds, 20 August 12

 

The Institute of gambling and gaming set up at February 1st, object of study are an horse race, Japanese upright pinball and casino. The institute intends to interdisciplinary study the nation’s gambling industry, 40 trillion market a year.

 

添削

 

The Institute of gGambling and gGaming Research was set up on at February 1st,. Its object is to of study are an horse raceing, Japanese upright pinball games and casinos. The institute intends to conduct interdisciplinary study of the nation’s 40-trillion a year gambling and gaming industryies, 40 trillion market a year.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Institute of Gambling and Gaming Research was set up on February 1st. Its object is to  study horse racing, Japanese upright pinball games and casinos. The institute intends to conduct interdisciplinary study of the nation’s 40-trillion a year gambling and gaming industries.

 

 

読者からの投稿 16(Yoshi, 30 November 10

 

"GamblingGaming Associationwas built for study such as a horse race, a pinball and a casino on February the first. It is said that domestic gambling industry is40 trillion yen a year marketso The association is for an interdisciplinary study.

 

添削

 

"The Gambling and Gaming Research1 Associationwas founded to built for study gaming and gambling such as a horse raceing, a pinball pin balls and a casinos on February the first. It is said that the domestic gambling industry is a40 trillion yen a year market. so The association intends to conduct is for an interdisciplinary study of this industry.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       the gambling and gaming associationというと賭博屋集団のようなのでresearchを入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Gambling and Gaming Research Association was founded to study gaming and gambling such as horse racing, pin balls and casinos on February the first. It is said that the domestic gambling industry is a40 trillion yen a year market. The association intends to conduct an interdisciplinary study of this industry.

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(あんこ、14 July 10

 

A gambling gaming workshop was launched on January the second, studying gambling such as a horse race, pachinko, and casino. The workshop studies how the domestic gambling industry has grown to a big market that generates forty trillion dollars a year.

 

添削

 

The Gambling and Gaming Research Association A gambling gaming workshop was launched on January the second, studying gambling such as a horse race, pachinko, and casino. The association workshop studies how the domestic gambling industry has grown to a big market that generates forty trillion dollars a year.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかりますが、a gambling and gaming workshopというと、「どうやればギャンブルで儲ける方法を具体的に訓練する講習会」というような内容に判断するのが普通です。添削のような名前がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

The Gambling and Gaming Research Association was launched on January the second, studying gambling such as a horse race, pachinko, and casino. The association studies how the domestic gambling industry has grown to a big market that generates forty trillion dollars a year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 14(Tatsuo, 17 March 10

 

Gambling and Gaming Society started on February 1st. This society focused to study Horse racing, Pachinko and Casino. The purpose of the establishment is academically study a domestic gambling industry, which is said “a forty trillion yen market through the year.”

 

添削

 

The Gambling and Gaming Research Society of Japan started on February 1st. This society will1 focused to study gambles such as Hhorse racing, Ppachinko and Ccasinos. The purpose of the society establishment2 is to academically study a the domestic gambling industry, which is said to be “a forty trillion yen market through the a year.”

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       学会は既に発足していますが、活動はまだでしょうからwillと未来形にするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       すでにSocietyを使っていますから、おなじ単語を使うと読者にわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Gambling and Gaming Research Society of Japan started on February 1st. This society will study gambles such as horse racing, pachinko and casinos. The purpose of the society  is to academically study the domestic gambling industry, which is said to be “a forty trillion yen market a year.”

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(mxtomi, 21 Aug 09

 

The Japan Gambling and Gaming Academy” was launched on February 1st. The purpose of this organization is to do interdisciplinary research on the domestic gambling industries including hose racing, pachinko, casino and so forth. The scale of the market as a whole is estimated to reach as much as 40 trillion yen a year.

 

添削

 

The Japan Gambling and Gaming Academy was launched on February the 1st. The purpose of this organization is to conduct do interdisciplinary research on the domestic gambling industries including hose racing, pachinko, casino and so forth. The size scale of the gambling market as a whole is estimated to reach as much as 40 trillion yen a year.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Japan Gambling and Gaming Academy was launched on February the 1st. The purpose of this organization is to conduct interdisciplinary research on the domestic gambling industries including hose racing, pachinko, casino and so forth. The size of the gambling market as a whole is estimated to reach as much as 40 trillion yen a year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(16 July 08

 

On February1, “Gambling and Gaming Academy “which deals with horse race, casino, and pachinko as subjects of research started. The object for establishing the academy is to research the domestic gambling industry which is said to “The 40 trillion yen's market for the year”.

 

添削

 

On February1, the Japan Gambling and Gaming Academy which studies deals with horse raceing, casinos, and pachinko as subjects of research started. The object for establishing the academy is to research1 tThe domestic gambling industry which is said to have a “The 40 trillion yen's-a-year- market for the year”.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       すでに前の文で説明してあるので省略します。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February1, the Japan Gambling and Gaming Academy which studies horse racing, casinos, and pachinko as subjects of research started. The domestic gambling industry is said to have a 40 trillion-yen-a-year market ”.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(kk, 3 March 08

 

Japanese Association for the Study of Gambling & Gaming was instituted on February 1 to study horse racing, pachinko, casino, and the like. The association aims at an academic study of the domestic gambling and gaming industry which is said to be a forty-trillion-yen-a-year market.

 

添削

 

The Japanese Association for the Study of Gambling & Gaming was instituted on February 1 to study horse racing, pachinko, casino, and the like. The association aims at an academic study of the domestic gambling and gaming industry which is said to be a forty-trillion-yen-a-year market.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Japanese Association for the Study of Gambling & Gaming was instituted on February 1 to study horse racing, pachinko, casino, and the like. The association aims at an academic study of the domestic gambling and gaming industry which is said to be a forty-trillion-yen-a-year market.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(dunkel, 29 November 07

 

Japan Association of Gambling and Gaming were established on February 1. Horse racing, Pachinko, Casino and related industries are subjected to study on the Association. This Association tries to do interdisciplinary researches on the domestic gambling market which was called a 40 trillion yen industry.

 

添削

 

The Japan Research1 Association of Gambling and Gaming were was established on February 1. to study Hhorse racing, Ppachinko, Ccasino and related industries are subjected to study on the Association. This Association tries intends to do conduct interdisciplinary researches on of the domestic gambling market which was is said to amount to called a 40 trillion yen a year industry2.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       The Japan Association of ~ は業界団体の名称によく使われるので、ここではresearchをれて、業界の動向を調べる団体、ということをはっきりさせるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       「「年間40兆円市場」とも言われる、はこのような名称で呼ばれる、ということではなく、このような実態の市場である、という意味に取るのがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Japan Research Association of Gambling and Gaming was established on February 1 to study horse racing, pachinko, casino and related industries. This Association intends to conduct interdisciplinary research of the domestic gambling market which is said to amount to 40 trillion yen a year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(マーチャン、8 October 07

 

To study horse racing, pachinko, casino and the like, "the Gambling and Gaming Academy of Japan" was established on February 1. The academy aims to academically study gambling industries in Japan that have a forty trillion- yen-a-year market.

 

添削

 

To study horse racing, pachinko, casino and the like, "the Gambling and Gaming Academy of Japan" was established on February 1. The academy aims to academically study gambling industries in Japan that have a forty trillion- yen-a-year market.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 8(散歩人、25 April 07

 

"The Society of Gambling activities and commercial gaming" which study horse racing, pachinko, casino and so on started at the February 2. The society's purpose is to study domestic gambling industry, which is call as forty trillion yen a year markets as learning.

 

添削

 

"The Research Society of Gambling activities and commercial gGaming1" which would study horse racing, pachinko, casino and so on started at on the February 2. The society's purpose is to study the domestic gambling and gaming industry, which is said to be call as a forty trillion yen a year markets as learning.

 

コメント

 

1.       「(研究)学会」なのでThe Research Societyとするのが、よいでしょう。researchがないとギャンブリングとゲーミングの業界団体の印象になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"The Research Society of Gambling and Gaming" which would study horse racing, pachinko, casino and so on started on February 2. The society's purpose is to study the domestic gambling and gaming industry which is said to be a forty trillion yen a year market.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(吉、23 January 07

 

To study the horse racing, pachinko, casino and so on. of Gambling and gaming was inaugurated on the 1st of February. The object of this society is the interdisciplinary study of the gambling industry which is said to be the 40 trillion-a-year market.

 

添削

 

To study the horse racing, pachinko, casino and so on., the Research Society of Gambling and gGaming was inaugurated on the 1st of February. The object of this society is the a interdisciplinary study of the gambling and gaming1 industry which is said to be the a 40 trillion-a-year market.

 

コメント

 

1.       the Research Society of Gambling and Gamingと言っているので、ここにもgamingと入れるとよいでしょう。カードを使った賭け、たとえばブラックジャックなどはgamingと言うようです。

 

添削後の文章

 

To study horse racing, pachinko, casino and so on, the Research Society of Gambling and Gaming was inaugurated on the1st of February. The object of this society is a interdisciplinary study of the gambling and gaming industry which is said to be a 40 trillion-a-year market.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、29 November 06

 

To study horse racing, pachinko, casino and the like, "Gambling and Gaming Academy" was established on February 1. The academy aims to academically study domestic gambling industries that have a forty trillion- yen-a-year market.

 

添削

 

To study horse racing, pachinko, casino and the like, "the Gambling and Gaming Academy of Japan1" was established on February 1. The academy aims to academically study domestic gambling industries in Japan that have a forty trillion- yen-a-year market.

 

コメント

 

1.       ~ Academyという名称が専門学校などに使われことがあるので、添削のようにして少し重みを付けました。

 

添削後の文章

 

To study horse racing, pachinko, casino and the like, "the Gambling and Gaming Academy of Japan" was established on February 1. The academy aims to academically study gambling industries in Japan that have a forty trillion- yen-a-year market.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(tange, 16 May 06

 

The Gambling and Gaming Academy has launched on the 1st of February. The purpose of the Academy is to study gambling such as horse racing, pachinko and casino. Gambling industry in Japan is a 40 trillion-yen a-year market allegedly.

 

添削

 

The Gambling and Gaming Academy has been launched on the 1st of February. The purpose of the Academy is to study gambling such as horse racing, pachinko and casino. Gambling industry in Japan is a 40 trillion-yen a-year market allegedly1.

 

コメント

 

1.       If you allege that something bad Is true, you say it but do not prove it.という動詞からきているのでallegedlyHe allegedly stole money from his company.というように悪い内容の時に使います。上の文で感情抜きで中立的に表現するなら、~ is said to be a 40 trillion-yen a year marketとなるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Gambling and Gaming Academy has been launched on the 1st of February. The purpose of the Academy is to study gambling such as horse racing, pachinko and casino. Gambling industry in Japan is a 40 trillion-yen a-year market allegedly.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 22 Aug 05

 

The “Gambling Gaming Society” started on February first. The society aims to research racing, pachinko and casino. Materially, it aims to research domestic gamble industry which is also said as a “four-billion-yen-a-year market.”

 

添削

 

The “Gambling and Gaming Research Society1” started on February first. The society aims to research racing, pachinko and casino. Materially Specifically, the society conducts inter-disciplinary2 research into it aims to research the domestic gamble gambling industry which is also often  said to be as a “four-billion-yen-a-year market.”

 

コメント

 

1.       the Gambling and Gaming Societyとすると、ギャンブル好きの人の同好会、という印象ですから、Researchといれたほうが良いでしょう。

 

2.       「学際的」とはいろいろは専門分野を越えて統合的に物事をみることでinter-disciplinaryと表現します。

 

添削後の文章

 

The “Gambling and Gaming Research Society” started on February first. The society aims to research racing, pachinko and casino. Specifically, the society conducts inter-disciplinary research into the domestic gambling industry which is often said to be a “four-billion-yen-a-year market.”

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、13 July 04

 

The "Gambling Gaming Academy," which studies horseracing, "pachinko" or a vertical pinball machine, and casinos, was set up on February 1. The purpose of establishing the group is to make an interdisciplinary study of the domestic gambling industry which is said to be "a market of 40 trillion yen per year."

 

添削

 

The "Gambling and Gaming Academy,"1 which studies gambles such as horseracing, "pachinko" or (a vertical pinball machine)2, and casinos, was set up on February 1. The purpose of establishing the group Academy is to make an interdisciplinary study of the domestic gambling industry which is said to be "a market of 40 trillion yen per year."

 

コメント

 

公認されているギャンブルである競馬(gambling)と公認されていないが実質的にギャンブルであるパチンコ(gaming)の両者を研究する(私的なカジノが日本に在るのでしょうか?)学会ということだとおもいます。大文字で固有名詞化されているので引用句記号は要らないでしょう。

 

Orが並列にモノを並べるときと紛らわしいので、括弧にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Gambling and Gaming Academy, which studies gambles such as horseracing, "pachinko" (a vertical pinball machine), and casinos, was set up on February 1. The purpose of establishing the Academy is to make an interdisciplinary study of the domestic gambling industry which is said to be "a market of 40 trillion yen per year."

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(tama, 17 May 04

 

The association, "Academy for gambling and gaming", started on the first of February. It studies gambles and games such as horse race, Japanese pinball, and casino. The purpose is the interdisciplinary study for gambling-industry which is said to earn 40 billion for the year.

 

 

添削

 

The A new1 association, "the Academy for gGambling and gGaming,", started on the first of February. It studies gambles and games such as horse races, Japanese pinball pin balls, and casinos. The purposeThe academy aims at2 an is the interdisciplinary study for of gambling and gaming - industriesy which is are said to earn have total sales of3 40 billion for the a year.

 

コメント

 

1.       添削のようにすると、新しい学会だということが良くわかるようになります。

 

2.       The purpose is an interdisciplinary study of ~be動詞を使うより、The academy aims at an interdisciplinary studyaims atと動詞にするほうが文に動きがあるので、読者にわかりやすくなります。

 

3.       Earnでも良いのですが、earn(稼ぐ、儲ける)には「売り上げから経費を引いた残り」という意味もあるので、ここでは「売上高」にしたほうが適切でしょう。

 

私の住むアルバータ州では競馬は(冬が長いせいか)盛んではありません。しかし、カシノは盛況です。カナダではカシノの規制は州政府の権限なので事情は州ごとに異なります。アルバータ州では慈善団体、文化団体、スポーツ団体、などの非営利団体だけがカシノを開催することが出来ます。開催すると言っても実際は、州政府のカシノ課にカシノ開催の申請をすると、2年に一度ぐらいの割合でカシノ開催許可がでます(多くの団体が申請するので順番待ち)。許可が出たら、カシノの場所とカードテーブルなどを運営する民間会社と契約して、カシノ場を(普通は2日間)借ります。当日は団体のメンバーが20人ほどカシノの手伝いに行きます。形式として慈善団体等がカシノを開催することになっているので、カシノ当日のカシノで使うプラスチックの札(チップ)の交換、現金の整理、帳簿といろいろな仕事を分担します。これも専門家を一人雇い、その指示に従っていろいろな役目をします。

 

私も所属するいくつかの団体のカシノの手伝いに1年に12回出かけます。現金の整理の役目の時は、カシノが朝の1時に終了してから現金を数えるので、終わるのは朝の6時ごろになります。カシノの儲け(売り上げからカシノ場運営会社の手数料を払った残り)は日によって異なるので、現在は儲けを平均して開催団体に払うようにしてあります。現在は2日間のカシノでこの儲けが500万円くらいになります。慈善団体、文化団体としては、細々と募金活動をするより、2年に一度カシノを開催したほうが、ずっと資金を簡単に調達できます。しかし、カシノからの収入に依存して慈善活動、文化活動を行うことに疑問を持つ団体もあり、カシノは開催しないことを決めているところもあります。元来は政府の活動の一部として行うべき慈善、文化活動の支持を、カシノからの収入に任せていることは、政府がカシノを許可することで、いわばカシノを隠れた政府収入としている、という批判もあります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A new association, "the Academy for Gambling and Gaming," started on the first of February. It studies gambles and games such as horse races, Japanese pin balls, and casinos. The academy aims at an interdisciplinary study of gambling and gaming  industries which are said to have total sales of 40 billion for a year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Seri, 6 March 03

 

On February 1, the Gambling and Gaming Society of Japan has started. The Society will promote inter-disciplinary study of gambling such as horse racing, pachinko, and casino, which altogether have total sales of 40 trillion yen a year.

 

添削

 

On February 1, the Gambling and Gaming Society of Japan has started was formed. The Society will promote the inter-disciplinary study of gambling such as horse racing, pachinko, and casinos, which altogether have total sales of 40 trillion yen a year.

 

コメント

 

日本文は「競馬やパチンコ、カジノなどを研究対象としたギャンブリング・ゲーミング学会」、「年間40兆円市場とも言われる国内のギャンブル産業」のように長い修飾節が名詞の前に来て文章の主題の状況を説明することが多いです。英文でこのような長い修飾節の内容を表現するときには、ひとつの独立した文にするとやさしくなります。たとえば、「ギャンブリング・ゲーミング学会は競馬、パチンコ、カジノを研究する」、「日本のギャンブル産業は一年に40兆円の売上がある。

 

Seriさんは日本文の内容を良く整理して英文で表現しました。日本文の内容を次のように整理してあります。

 

·         2月1日に「ギャンブリング・ゲーミング学会」が21日に発足した。

·         この学会は、競馬やパチンコ、カジノなどのギャンブルの学際的研究を奨励する。

·         ギャンブルは毎年40兆円の売上がある。

 

添削後の文章

 

On February 1, the Gambling and Gaming Society of Japan was formed. The Society will promote the inter-disciplinary study of gambling such as horse racing, pachinko, and casinos, which altogether have total sales of 40 trillion yen a year.

 

 

練習問題 40

 

小学校での英会話授業への関心が高まっている。2003年4月からの総合学習の一例として、英語を教える小学校が増えているためだ。

 

読者からの投稿 20(sasuke, 9 February 14

 

English classes in elementary schools are getting higher attention. Because the schools which have English classes as an example of integrated study have been increasing since March in 2003.

 

添削

 

English classes in at elementary schools are getting higher and higher attention. This is Bbecause the number of schools which offer have English classes as an example of the integrated study program has have been increasing since the integrated study program started in March in 2003.

 

コメント

 

This is because ~としないと、最初の文と次の文の関連がわかりません。

 

1.       at elementary school初等教育の中で、の意味になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

English classes at elementary school are getting higher and higher attention. This is because the number of schools which offer English classes as an example of the integrated study program has been increasing since the integrated study program started in March 2003.

 

 

読者からの投稿 19(owl, 10 January 14

 

There is a growing interest in English conversation classes in elementary school. This is because more and more elementary schools start teaching English as an example of comprehensive education, which was introduced in April, 2003.

 

添削

 

There is a growing interest in English conversation classes at in elementary school. This is because more and more elementary schools start teaching English as an example of comprehensive education, which was introduced in April, 2003.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

There is a growing interest in English conversation classes at elementary school. This is because more and more elementary schools start teaching English as an example of comprehensive education, which was introduced in April, 2003.

 

 

読者からの投稿 18(文月、30 October 13

 

English conversation class in elementary schools has become a big concern. It is because more and more elementary schools provide English education as part of integrated study which began in April 2003.

 

添削

 

English conversation class in at elementary schools1 has been attracting attention become a big concern2. It is because more and more elementary schools3 provide English education as part of their integrated study program which began in April 2003.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       At schoolで「小学校教育で」という意味になります。

 

2.       Has become a concernとすると、「小学校の英語教育が心配の種になっている」という意味になります。実際はそうなのでしょうが、ここでは単に「関心をあつめている」にしておきます。

 

3.       ここのschoolsは実際の小学校のことですから、複数形になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

English conversation class at elementary school has been attracting attention. It is because more and more elementary schools provide English education as part of their integrated study program which began in April 2003.

 

 

読者からの投稿 17(Valley winds, 20 August 12

 

An interest in English conversation class at an elementary school is rising up. Because a number of elementary schools increases, where they teach English as an example of a total learning since 2003 April.

 

添削

 

An iInterest in an English conversation class at an elementary school is rising up. This is Bbecause a number of elementary schools with an English conversation class has been increases increasing, where they teach English as an example of the curriculum of the a total learning program that started in since 2003 April 2003.

 

コメント

 

内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが、「総合学習」のところがわかりません。これを説明しようとすると長くなるので、添削ではthe total learning programと定冠詞を付けてある特別な学習プログラムであることだけを示しておきました。

 

1.       Because以下だけでは文になりません。

 

添削後の文章

 

Interest in an English conversation class at an elementary school is rising. This is because a number of elementary schools with an English conversation class has been increasing where they teach English as an example of the curriculum of the total learning program that started in April 2003.

 

 

読者からの投稿 16(Yoshi, 2 December 10

 

Interest of English conversation classes in elementary school is growing, because The elementary school teaching English has increased as an example of integrated study on April 2003.

 

添削

 

Interest of in English conversation classes at in elementary school is growing, This1 is because Tthe number of elementary schools teaching English as the subject of their integrated study2 has increased as an example of integrated study on since April 2003.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、because以下の内容がはっきりわかりません。

 

1.       文が長いのでここから新しい文にしたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       「総合学習の一例として」とありますが、「総合学習の科目として」という内容だとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Interest in English conversation classes at elementary school is growing This is because the number of elementary schools teaching English as the subject of their integrated study has increased since April 2003.

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(あんこ、27 July 10

 

More and more elementary schools are giving English classes as an integrated study since April of 2003. This is drawing public attention.

 

添削

 

More and more elementary schools are giving English classes as an example of the integrated study program that has started in since April, of 20031. This is drawing public attention to English classes at elementary schools2.

 

コメント

 

英文自体の内容のはわかりますが、どのような環境の中で小学校での英語教育が関心をあつめているのかよくわかりません。

 

1.       2003年4月に「総合学習」プログラムがはじまり、この総合学習の内容の一つとして英語学習を取り入れる小学校が増えている。このため、総合学習だけでなく、小学校教育の一環として英語教育を取り入れたらどうかという意見がでてきている、というないようです。

 

2.       前の文との関連をはっきりさせるために添削部分をつけくわえるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

More and more elementary schools are giving English classes as an example of the integrated study program that has started in April,2003. This is drawing public attention to English classes at elementary schools.

 

 

読者からの投稿 14(Tatsuo, 17 March 10

 

Interest in English conversation class in primary school is enhancing. Primary schools which start teaching English are increasing because English conversation class is one of the instances for a general learning has started since April 2003.

 

添削

 

The level of Interest in an English conversation class at in primary school is increasing enhancing. Primary schools which have already started teaching English are increasing in number because an English conversation class is one of the most popular classes1 instances for the a general learning curriculum that has started in since April 2003.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、最初の文のenhancingがわかりません。

 

1.       こんな説明を入れるとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The level of Interest in an English conversation class at primary school is increasing. Primary schools which have already started teaching English are increasing in number because an English conversation class is one of the most popular classes for the general learning curriculum that started in April 2003.

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(mxtomi, 22 Aug 09

 

There has been an increasing public interest in English conversation classes at primary school. This is because more and more primary schools are teaching English as part of the integrated learning curriculum implemented from April, 2003.

 

添削

 

There has been an increasing public interest in English conversation classes at primary school. This is because more and more primary schools are teaching English as part of the integrated learning curriculum implemented from in1 April, 2003.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「このブログラムは2003年4月から始まりました。」はThis program started in April, 2003.ですね。「「このブログラムは2003年4月から9月まで行われました。」ならThis program was in place from April to September, 2003.となります。

 

添削後の文章

 

There has been an increasing public interest in English conversation classes at primary school. This is because more and more primary schools are teaching English as part of the integrated learning curriculum implemented in April, 2003.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(かい、7 May 08

 

The interest of English class at elementary school has become more higher, because a large number of school are teaching English as a example of comprehensive learning from April 2003.

 

添削

 

The interest of in English classes1 at elementary schools has been increasing become more higher, because a large number of schools are now teaching English as an example of the comprehensive learning curriculum that started in from April 20032.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、わからないところがあります。

 

1.       いろいろな種類の英語のクラスがあるのでしょうから複数がよいでしょう。

 

2.       「2003年4月からの総合学習の一例として」は「2003年4月に始まったの総合学習の一例として」の意味でしょう。投稿のままですと、英語の授業が2003年4月に始まったことになります。まあ、こういう場合もあると思いますが、英語以外のことに総合学習を使っている学校もあるとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The interest in English classes at elementary schools has been increasing because a large number of schools are now teaching English as an example of the comprehensive learning curriculum that started in April 2003.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(kk, 3 March 08

 

English conversation classes at elementary schools draw increasing attention. This is because a growing number of elementary schools teach English as a part of  comprehensive studies from the 2003 school year.

 

添削

 

English conversation classes at elementary schools draw increasing attention. This is because a growing number of elementary schools teach English as a part of the comprehensive studiesy that has been introduced to the elementary school curriculum1 from in the 2003 school year.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「2003年4月からの総合学習」は「2003年4月から小学校に導入された総合学習」のことだとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

English conversation classes at elementary schools draw increasing attention. This is because a growing number of elementary schools teach English as part of the comprehensive study that has been introduced to the elementary school curriculum in the 2003 school year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(dunkel, 29 November 07

 

Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports Science and Technology decided to start a new curriculum called an integrated study for elementary schools in Japan from April 2003. Many people get interested in English conversation classes in elementary schools because the number of the schools which choose to study English as an integrated study is increasing.

 

添削

 

Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports Science and Technology decided to start a new curriculum called an integrated study for elementary schools in Japan from April 2003. Many people get interested in English conversation classes in at elementary schools. This is  because the an increasing number of the elementary schools which choose to study English as a subject for the an integrated study that has been introduced to the elementary school curriculum since April 2003is increasing.

 

コメント

 

それぞれの文の内容はわかりますが、文章全体としての論理構成がはっきりしません。添削のような順序にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Many people get interested in English conversation classes at elementary schools. This is  because an increasing number of elementary schools choose English as a subject for the integrated study that has been introduced to the elementary school curriculum since April 2003.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(マーチャン、7 October 07

 

People are more and more interested in English conversation lessons at primary schools. This is because the number of primary schools which teach English as an example of integrated study is increasing after the integrated study program started in April 2003.

 

添削

 

People are more and more interested in English conversation lessons at primary schools. This is because the number of primary schools which teach English as an example of integrated study is increasing after the integrated study program started in April 2003.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 8(散歩人、25 April 07

 

Many people are interested in English conversation class at primary schools. The reason is that the number of primary schools which has English conversation class has increasing as an example of composite learning from April 2003.

 

添削

 

Many people are interested in an English conversation class at primary schools1. The reason is that the number of primary schools which has an English conversation class is has increasing as an example of composite learning from which started April 2003.

 

コメント

 

1.       at primary schoolは「小学校の授業で」という意味です。「小学校での英会話授業への関心が高まっている。」は小学校での英語教育に賛否両論がにぎやかだ、ということなのでしょうかね。Now people are debating whether or not English should be taught at primary school.

 

添削後の文章

 

Many people are interested in an English conversation class at primary school. The reason is that the number of primary schools which has an English conversation class is increasing as an example of composite learning which started April 2003.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(吉、22 January 07

 

More and more people are interested in English classes at elementary school, because the number of elementary school teaching English as a example of integrated study which has started in April, 2003 is increasing.

 

添削

 

More and more people are interested in English classes lessons at elementary school, because the number of elementary schools teaching English as a example of integrated study, which has started in April1, 2003, is increasing.

 

コメント

 

1.       「2003年4月からの総合学習の一例として」という内容の表現が難しいですね。吉さんは「「2003年4月から」を「それは2003年4月から始まったが」という説明を関係代名詞節として文に挿入することで、うまく表現しています。

 

添削後の文章

 

More and more people are interested in English lessons at elementary school, because the number of elementary schools teaching English as a example of integrated study, which has started in April 2003, is increasing.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(岩ちゃん、29 November 06

 

People are more and more interested in English conversation lessons in primary schools. This is because the number of primary schools which are teaching English as an example of integrated study started in April 2003 is increasing.

 

添削

 

People are more and more interested in English conversation lessons in at primary schools. This is because the number of primary schools which are teaching teach1 English as an example of integrated study started in April 2003 is increasing2 after the integrated study program started in April 20033.

 

コメント

 

1.       特に現在進行形にする必要はありません。

 

2.       例のan increasing number of ~という構文を使うと文が簡単になりますから試してください。

 

3.       ~ an example of integrated study which started in April 2003 is increasing.とも表現できますが、この文章に関係代名詞whichが二つ出てきて文の構造がわかり難くなります。このような時は添削のように二つ目の関係代名詞で始まる文を従属節にするという方法があります。

 

添削後の文章

 

People are more and more interested in English conversation lessons at primary schools. This is because the number of primary schools which teach English as an example of integrated study is increasing after the integrated study program started in April 2003.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(tange, 17 May 06

 

Parents are interested in English conversation lessons in elementary school more and more. The reason is that elementary schools where pupils study English have increased. English is thought of an example of Integrated Learning, in which you could study anything beyond the traditional subjects and stared in April 2003.

 

添削

 

Parents are more and more interested in English conversation lessons in at elementary school more and more. The reason is thatThis is because1 an increasing number of  elementary schools where are teaching pupils study English and parents do not want their children left behind this trend 2 have increased. English is thought taught of as an example of Integrated Learning, in which you pupils can could study anything beyond the traditional subjects. Integrated Leaning3 and stared in April 2003.

 

コメント

 

1.       会話で “The reason is ~” 「それはね、〜」という感じでよく使います。This is because ~としたほうがフォーマルになります。

 

2.       「英語を教える小学校が増えているために、小学校での英会話授業への関心が高まっている。」というのは因果関係が逆になっているようにおもえますが、「英語を教える小学校が増えているために、(まだ英会話を導入しない小学校へ子供を通わせている両親は、自分の子供がこの新しい傾向に遅れないようにと小学校に英会話の導入を働きかけ)小学校での英会話授業への関心が高まっている。」ということなのだろうと解釈して、この説明を入れました。

 

3.       文章の最後にちょこんと付け足した感じですが、前の文の最後につけるよりよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Parents are more and more interested in English conversation lessons at elementary school. This is because an increasing number of elementary schools are teaching English and parents do not want their children left behind this trend. English is taught as an example of Integrated Learning, in which pupils can study anything beyond the traditional subjects. Integrated Leaning stared in April 2003.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 22 August 05

 

Nowadays more and more primary schools are interested in English conversation class. This it because the number of primary schools that teach English as an example of the integrated study started April 2003 is rising.

 

添削

 

Nowadays more and more primary schools are interested in opening English conversation class1. This it is because the number of primary schools that teach English has been increasing since as an example of the integrated study started in April 2003 is rising2.

 

1.       「小学校での英会話授業への関心が高まっている。」は「小学校における英会話授業へ世間一般の関心が高まっている。」ことなので、Nowadays more and more people are interested in introducing English conversation class into primary school education.とするともっと正確な内容になるでしょう。

 

2.       「2003年4月からの総合学習の一例として、英語を教える小学校が増えているためだ。」は内容のわかり難い文ですね。「2003年4月に総合学習が小学校に導入された。」、「英会話は総合学習の一例として教えられている。」、「英会話を導入した小学校が増えている」の三つの内容を一つの文に凝縮してあります。添削では「英会話は総合学習の一例として教えられている。」は読者にわかるものとして他の二つの内容をまとめてあります。

 

全部の内容を説明するには次の例のようにたくさん補足説明が必要になります。
Nowadays more and more people are interested in introducing English conversation class into primary school education. This is because integrated study class started at primary schools in April 2003 and an increasing number of primary schools have adopted English conversation as part of the integrated study class.

 

添削後の文章

 

Nowadays more and more primary schools are interested in opening English conversation class. This is because the number of primary schools that teach English has been increasing since integrated study started in April 20032.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、13 July 04

 

There is growing interest in English conversation lessons given at elementary schools.  This is because more and more elementary schools are offering English lessons to show an example of the "integrated course of study" starting from April, 2003.

 

添削

 

There is growing interest in English conversation lessons given at elementary schools.  This is because more and more elementary schools are offering English lessons to show as2 an example of the "integrated course of study" that has starting started in from April, 2003.

 

コメント

 

良く使われる便利な文型です。

 

投稿では、「総合学習とはこんなものだという例を示すために英語を教える。」という意味になり、「総合学習の一例として英語を教える。」と少しニュアンスが異なります。

 

添削後の文章

 

There is growing interest in English conversation lessons given at elementary schools.  This is because more and more elementary schools are offering English lessons as an example of the "integrated study" that has started in April, 2003.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(tama, 17 May 04

 

Many parents are getting interest in teaching English in elementary schools in Japan. That’s because elementary schools teaching English are increasing as one trial for integrated study starting since April, 2003.

 

添削

 

Many parents are getting interested in teaching English teaching1 in elementary schools in Japan. That’s That is why because elementary schools teaching English are increasing. They teach English2 as one trial for a new program called “integrated study” that3 has started starting since in April, 2003.

 

コメント

 

1.       getting interested in teaching English では「(父兄自身が)英語を教えることに興味がある」になってしまいます。

 

2.       「総合学習の一例として」は「総合学習」が何か知らない人にはわかりにくいので、添削のような説明が必要です。

 

3.       Startingを使った分詞構文は、この分詞が文のどの部分を説明しているのか曖昧になることがあります。プレイン・イングリッシュでは関係代名詞を用いて意味をはっきりとさせます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Many parents are getting interested in English teaching in elementary schools in Japan. That is why elementary schools teaching English are increasing. They teach English as one trial for a new program called “integrated study” that has started in April, 2003.

 

 

読者からの投稿          1(さちこ、25 March 03

 

The level of interest in teaching English conversations is increasing at primary schools. This is because more and more primary schools are planning to teach English as part of a new curriculum called “Comprehensive Learning,” that is scheduled to start in April 2003.

 

添削

 

The level of interest in teaching English conversations is increasing Parents are beginning to get interested in English conversation classes1 at primary schools. This is because more and more primary schools are planning to teach English as part of a new curriculum called2 “Comprehensive Learning,” that is scheduled to start in April 2003.

 

コメント

 

1.       「小学校での英会話授業への関心が高まっている。」では文の名目上の主語の「関心」を英文の主語にするより、隠れた本当の主語、「父兄」を主語にしたほうが文の内容がはっきりすると思います。

 

2.       「総合学習」をa new curriculum called “Comprehensive Learning”と簡単に説明したのが良いですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Parents are beginning to get interested in English conversation classes at primary schools. This is because more and more primary schools are planning to teach English as part of a new curriculum called “Comprehensive Learning,” that is scheduled to start in April 2003.