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初級練習問題26−30の添削

 

練習問題 26 (14 Feb 03) (19 March 04) (2 July 04) (12 April 05) (15 Aug)

(30 March 06) (18 Nov 06) (8 Dec 06) (17 April 07) (29 Aug 07)

(15 Nov 07) (10 Feb 08) (27 June 08) (15 July 09) (4 Nov 09)

(27 Jan 10) (24 Apr 10) (27 March 12) (21 Sept 13) (8 Nov 13)

 

(21 Dec 13)

 

練習問題 27 (9 Feb 03) (27 March 04) (4 July 04) (12 April 05) (16 Aug 05)

               (30 March 06) (18 Nov 06) (22 Nov 06) (9 Dec 06) (29 Aug 07) (16 Nov 07)

        (12 February 08) (28 June 08) (15 July 09) (9 Nov 09) (28 Jan 10)

(26 Apr 10) (28 March 12) (21 Sept 13) (8 Nov 13)

 

(21 Dec 13) (28 June 14)

 

練習問題 28 (14 Feb 03) (28 March 04) (4 July 04) (12 April 05) (16 Aug 05)

               (1 April 06) (18 Nov 06) (12 Dec 06) (29 Aug 07) (17 Nov 07) (14 Feb 08)

                     (18 Aug 09) (9 Nov 09) (28 Jan 10) (1 May 10) (28 March 12) (25 Sept 13)

                     (13 Nov 13) (21 Dec 13)

 

練習問題 29 (19 Feb 03) (31 Mach 04) (6 July 04) (12 April 05) (16 Aug 05)

               (1 April 06) (18 Nov 06) (13 Dec 06) (19 April 07) (29 Aug 07) (20 Nov 07)

               (2 June 08) (18 Aug 09) (9 Nov 09) (3 Feb 10) (4 May 10) (28 March 12)

                     (22 Sept 13) (15 Nov 13) (21 Dec 13)

 

練習問題 30 (19 Feb 03) (31 March 04) (6 July 04) (12 April 05) (16 Aug 05)

               (8 April 06) (18 Nov 06) (8 Dec 06) (15 Dec 06) (19 April 07) (29 Aug 07)

     (20 Nov 07) (20 Feb 08) (3 July 08) (18 Aug 09) (10 Nov 09) (3 Feb 10)

      (11 Feb 10) (8 May 10) (28 March 12) (25 Sept 13) (20 Nov 13)

 

     (21 Dec 13) (5 July 14)

 

 

練習問題 26

 

20、30歳代の4割以上が年金制度に不満を持つ一方、60歳代以上の約8割が賛成していることが、厚生労働省の調査で明らかになった。高い保険料を負担する現役世代と、年金を受け取る高齢世代との年金への信頼感の差が浮き彫りになった。

 

読者からの投稿 22(owl, 21 December 13

 

More than 40% of people in their 20s and 30s are unsatisfied with the pension system while approximately 80% of people in their 60s are in favor of them, a survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare has found. It has become clear that older generations who receive pension benefits put trust in the system, but working generations who have to pay high pension premiums think otherwise.

 

添削

 

More than 40% of people in their 20s and 30s are unsatisfied with the pension system while approximately 80% of people in their 60s are in favor of them, a survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare has found. It has become clear that older generations who are already receiveing1 pension benefits put trust in the system, but working generations who have to pay high pension premiums think otherwise.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       こうすると臨場感があり、内容を強調できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

More than 40% of people in their 20s and 30s are unsatisfied with the pension system while approximately 80% of people in their 60s are in favor of them, a survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare has found. It has become clear that older generations who are already receiving pension benefits put trust in the system, but working generations who have to pay high pension premiums think otherwise.

 

 

読者からの投稿 21(sasuke, 8 November 13

 

Research of Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare showed that over 40% of 20s and 30s citizens complained about the pension system, on the other hand, about 80% of 60s or older citizens favored it. The difference of confidence between the older generation who has to bear expensive pension cost and the present generation who can receive a benefit was highlighted.

 

添削

 

A1 Rresearch of by the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare showed that over 40% of those in their 20s and 30s citizens complained about the pension system program., oOn the other hand, about 80% of those in their 60s or older citizens were satisfied with favored it. The difference of in the degree of confidence in the pension program between the older younger generation who had2 has to bear expensive pension costs and the older present generation who were can already receiveing a benefits was highlighted in the research.

 

コメント

 

内容はわかりますが、日本文の内容と違っています。

 

1.       ある一つの調査なので不定冠詞がつきます。

 

2.       調査が過去なので、内容は現在で正しいですが、動詞の時制の一致で過去形にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

A research by the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare showed that over 40% of those in their 20s and 30s complained about the pension program. On the other hand, about 80% of those in their 60s or older were satisfied with it. The difference in the degree of confidence in the pension program between the younger generation who had to bear expensive pension costs and the older generation who were already receiving benefits was highlighted in the research.

 

 

読者からの投稿 20(文月、21 September 13

 

According to the survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare, more than forty percent of people in their twenties and thirties is dissatisfied with the pension system, while about eighty percent of people in their sixties or above is satisfied with it. The survey showed clearly that a feeling of trust in the pension system differs between working generations paying heavy contribution and elderly generations receiving a pension.

 

添削

 

According to a the survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare, more than forty percent of people in their twenties and thirties are is dissatisfied with the pension system, while about eighty percent of people in their sixties or above are is satisfied with it. The survey showed shows1 clearly that the degree a feeling of trust in the pension system differs between the working generations paying heavy contributions and the elderly generations already receiving a pensions.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

 

1.       文章の前半の現在形の記述に合わせて、ここも現在形にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to a survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare, more than forty percent of people in their twenties and thirties are dissatisfied with the pension system, while about eighty percent of people in their sixties or above are satisfied with it. The survey shows clearly that the degree of trust in the pension system differs between the working generations paying heavy contributions and the elderly generations already receiving  pensions.

 

 

読者からの投稿 19(Valley winds, 27 March 12

 

The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare’s survey revealed that more than 40 percent of people in their 20’s and 30’s complained about the pension system and about 80 percent of people over 60 years old were in favor. It highlighted the difference of between distrust of the pension system that people of working age had ,who were paying high premium, and trust that elderly people had, who were receiving pensions.

 

添削

 

A survey by Tthe Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare’s survey1 revealed that more than 40 percent of people in their 20’s and 30’s complained about the pension system while2 and about 80 percent of people over 60 years old were satisfied with it 3in favor. It The results of the survey highlighted the difference of between the4distrust in of the pension system by that people of working age had ,who were paying high premiums, and the trust that by elderly people had, who were receiving pensions.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       survey が長い複合名詞の後についてますが、ように文の最初に置くとわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       A is this while B is that. という構文でthis thatは対照的な、または逆の意味の内容をいれます。「AはこうだけれどもB はこうだ。」という意味です。

 

3.       A complained about the pension system. complain の逆の意味の動詞をここに入れると良いでしょう。

 

4.       Trustは抽象名詞ですが、ここではある特別な信用ですから対冠詞をつけます。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare revealed that more than 40 percent of people in their 20’s and 30’s complained about the pension system while about 80 percent of people over 60 years old were satisfied with it. The results of the survey highlighted the difference between the distrust in the pension system by people of working age who were paying high premiums and the trust by elderly people who were receiving pensions.

 

 

読者からの投稿 18(23 April 10

 

The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare revealed that more than forty percent of men and women in their twenties and thirties were not satisfied with the pension program. In contrast, about eighty percent of men and women in their sixties and over agreed to the pension program. The study proved that there was a gap between generations; the younger generations who work and pay expensive premiums feel doubt about the pension program and the older generations who rely on the pension program.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare revealed that more than forty percent of men and women in their twenties and thirties were not satisfied with the pension program. In contrast, about eighty percent of men and women in their sixties and over were satisfied with1 agreed to the pension program. They were the results of a survey conducted by the ministry.2 The study survey also showed proved that there was a gap between generations;3 the younger generations who were4 working and paying expensive premiums feel doubted about the future of the pension program while and the older generations who were already receiving their pensions rely relied on the pension program.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       日本文には「約8割が賛成している」とありますが、英文ではwere satisfied, were not satisfiedと同じ用語をつかったほうが内容がはっきりします。

 

2.       次の文に突然the studyがでてくるので、この文を挿入するのがよいでしょう。

 

3.       コロン( : ) とセミコロン (;)の関係はピリオドとコンマの関係と考えるとよいでしょう。コロンは一度文を区切ってからその内容を説明する、セミコロンは内容が継続したまま補足説明をする、といった感じです。ここではセミコロンがよいでしょう。

 

4.       The survey also showed that ~の動詞の時制にあわせて過去形にします。時制の一致の感覚は会得するのが難しいですが、絶対時間ではなく相対時間を表す表現と考えるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare revealed that more than forty percent of men and women in their twenties and thirties were not satisfied with the pension program. In contrast, about eighty percent of men and women in their sixties and over were satisfied with the pension program. They were the results of a survey conducted by the ministry. The survey also showed that there was a gap between generations; the younger generations who were working and paying expensive premiums doubted about the future of the pension program while the older generations who were already receiving their pensions relied on the pension program.

 

                                                        

読者からの投稿 17(27 January 10

 

The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare revealed the survey that more than 40% of people between twenties and thirties have shown the complaint against the system of a pension. While over 80% of people among eighties accepted it. As a result, the difference of credibility to the current pension system was clear between the active generation who incurred the high insurance fee and the aged generation who received a pension.   

 

添削

 

The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare revealed the results of a survey about the national pension system1 that more than 40% of people between twenties and thirties complained2 have shown the complaint about against the national pension system of a pension. Wwhile3 over 80% of people over 60 years old were satisfied with the national pension system among eighties accepted it. The results clearly showed As a result, the difference in the degree of of credibility that people had in to the current national pension system was clear between the those who were actively working generation and who incurred incurring the high pension insurance fees and those who the aged generation who were already receiveding their a pensions4.   

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、わからないところがあります。

 

1.       showed their complaintsと名詞で使うより、they complainedと動詞で使うほうが印象が強くなります。

 

2.       日本文では「厚生労働省の調査で明らかになった」とあるだけで、どんな調査課の説明はありませんが、文章全体の内容から添削のような調査でしょう。revealedを使うとrevealed the results of a survey about (of) ~ つ続くのが常套です。

 

3.       While ~.は従属節ですから、この文だけで独立した主節にはなりません。

 

4.       credibilityを使うとこんな構文になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare revealed the results of a survey about the national pension system that more than 40% of people between twenties and thirties complained  about the national pension system while over 80% of people over 60 years old were satisfied with the national pension system. The results clearly showed the difference in the degree of credibility that people had in the current national pension system between those who were actively working and incurring high pension fees and those who were already receiving their pensions.   

 

 

読者からの投稿 16(Yoshi, 4 November 09

 

Health Labour and welfare Ministry showed that while 40 percent of twenty and thirty complain about the pension system, eighty percent of over sixty agree with it. It was highlighted that different feeling of trust of between the twenty and thirty burdening a heavy premium and the over sixty receiving a pension.

 

添削

 

Health Labour and wWelfare Ministry showed in its survey that while 40 percent of people in their twentyies1 and thirty thirties complained about the pension system, eighty 80 percent of people over sixty-years old  agree were satisfied with it. The survey It was highlighted that different feelings of trust about the pension system of between those in their twenties twenty and thirties thirty  who were burdening a heavy premium and those the over sixty-years old who were already receiving a their pension2.

 

コメント

 

英文に構文上の問題がありすが、内容の概略はわかります。

 

1.       20歳代 people in their twentiesという表現があります。

 

2.       It was highlighted that ~. 「〜ということが浮き彫りになった」ではthat以下は節になり主語と動詞が必要です。例えば、different feelings existed between A and B.というようにになります

 

添削後の文章

 

Health Labour and Welfare Ministry showed in its survey that while 40 percent of people in their twenties and thirties complained about the pension system, 80 percent of people over sixty-years old were satisfied with it. The survey highlighted different feelings of trust about the pension system between those in their twenties and thirties who were burdening a heavy premium and those over sixty-years old who were already receiving their pension.

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(mxtomi, 15 July 09

 

A survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare revealed that more than 80% of people aged 60 or above were in favor of the pension system, while more than 40% of people in their 20’s and 30’s were discontent with it. This vividly illustrates the difference in their trust in the system between the younger generations who are still working and bearing a heavy burden of paying costly premiums and the older generations who receive the annuities.

 

添削

 

A survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare revealed that more than 80% of people aged 60 or and over1 above were in favor of the pension system, while more than 40% of people in their 20’s and 30’s were discontent with it. This vividly illustrates the difference in their trust in the system between the younger generations who are still working and bearing a heavy burden of paying costly premiums and the older generations who are already2 receiveing the annuities.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。

 

1.       60 and overという言い方が一般的です。

 

2.       現在進行形にすると内容が強調されます。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare revealed that more than 80% of people aged 60 and over were in favor of the pension system, while more than 40% of people in their 20’s and 30’s were discontent with it. This vividly illustrates the difference in their trust in the system between the younger generations who are still working and bearing a heavy burden of paying costly premiums and the older generations who are already receiving the annuities.

 

 

読者からの投稿 14(かい、27 June 08

 

The survey conducted by Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare announced that while 40% of twenties and thirties weren't satisfied with the pension system, about 80% of people over sixties agreed with it. The gap of the confidence in a pension between young generations that incur the expensive premium and senior generations that receive the pension was revealed.

 

添削

 

According to1 a The survey conducted by Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare, announced that while2 40% of people in their twenties and thirties weren't satisfied with the pension system,system but about 80% of people in their over sixties and over were satisfied3 agreed with it. Thus, Tthe gap of the confidence in the a pension system was revealed between the younger4 generations that who incur the expensive premiums and the older senior generations who that already receive the pensions was revealed.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       練習問題に「〜の調査によると」といった表現が多いですが、このような英文表現があります。

 

2.       while ~という従属節は「〜はこうだが、一方〜は」という文構造ですから、先ず従属節の内容を頭に入れておいて主節の内容を読みます。大げさに言うと、主節の内容がわかるまで頭脳が不安定状態になるわけです。わざとこの効果を狙って従属節を使う場合もありますが、この添削問題では添削のように二つの内容をbutでつないで、この不安定感を解消したほうがよいでしょう。

 

3.       二つのグループに同じ動詞、satisfyを使ったほうがわかりやすくなります。私は昔、同じ動詞の繰り返しはつまらないから類語辞典で新しい動詞を見つけるように、という英語教育を受けましたが、プレイン・イングリッシュに関する限り、この指針は誤りです。

 

4.       比較的若い世代、the younger generationsと比較的高齢の世代、the older generationsにしてみました。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to a survey conducted by Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare, 40% of people in their twenties and thirties weren't satisfied with the pension system but about 80% of people in their sixties and over were satisfied with it. Thus, the gap of the confidence in the  pension system was revealed between the younger generations who incur expensive premiums and the older generations who already receive pensions .

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(kk, 10 February 08

 

A survey by Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry about public opinion of Japanese pension system showed the following result : over forty per cent of people in their twenties and thirties are unsatisfied with the current pension system while around eighty per cent of those in their sixties and over are satisfied with it. It means there is an apparent difference in their trust in the pension system between the younger generation, who cover expensive premiums and the older generation, who receive their pensions.

 

添削

 

A survey by Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry about of public opinions on the of Japanese pension system showed the following results : over forty per cent of people in their twenties and thirties are were not1 unsatisfied with the current pension system while around eighty per cent of those in their sixties and over are were satisfied with it. It This2 means there is an apparent difference in their trust in the pension system between the younger generations, who cover pay the expensive premiums and the older generations, who are already receiveing their pensions.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。コロンで文をつないだので、調査の内容がわかりやすいですね。

 

1.       動詞の時制の一致で過去形にするのが一般的です(調査の結果は現在でも有効ですが)。

 

2.       前の文の内容を指すのでthis にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey by Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry of public opinions on the pension system showed the following results : over forty per cent of people in their twenties and thirties were not satisfied with the current pension system while around eighty per cent of those in their sixties and over were satisfied. This means there is an apparent difference in their trust in the pension system between the younger generations who pay the expensive premium and the older generations who are already receiving their pensions.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(dunkel, 15 November 07

 

Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare announced the results of the survey which showed us the public opinions about the present pension system in Japan. According to the survey, more than forty percents of the people aged between twenties and thirties were against the present system but more than eighty percents of the people aged over sixties agreed with it. This results showed us the different attitude towards the present pension system. Even though younger generations who paid expensive pension premiums distrust the present system very much, elder generations who now only draw their pensions trusted it.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare announced the results of a the survey which showed us the public opinions about the present pension system in Japan. According to the results, survey, more than forty percents of the people in their aged between twenties and thirties were not satisfied with against the present system while1 but more than eighty percents of the people in their aged over sixties and over were satisfied with the present system agreed with it. Apparently, there are2 This results showed us the differences in the  different attitudes towards the present pension system between different generations of people.; Even though the younger generations who are paying paid expensive pension premiums distrust the present system very much, but the elder generations who now only draw their pensions trusted the present system it.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       一方は〜、他方は〜。というときに便利な接続詞です。

 

2.       調査の内容は現在も正しいので、ここからは現在形でよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare announced the results of a survey which showed us public opinions about the present pension system in Japan. According to the results, more than forty percents of people in their twenties and thirties were not satisfied with the present system while more than eighty percents of people in their sixties and over were satisfied with the present system. Apparently, there are differences in the attitudes towards the present pension system between different generations of people; the younger generations who are paying expensive pension premiums distrust the present system but the elder generations who now only draw their pensions trust the present system.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(マーチャン、29 August 07

 

The survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare showed the following: Over 40% of those in their twenties and thirties complain of the pension system. On the other hand, about 80% of those in their sixties and over are satisfied with the pension system. The survey highlighted that there was a difference in the degree of trust in the pension system between the elderly generations who get a pension and the younger generations who are working and paying a high premium.

 

添削

 

The survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare showed the following: Over 40% of those in their twenties and thirties complain of the pension system. On the other hand, about 80% of those in their sixties and over are satisfied with the pension system. The survey highlighted that there was a difference in the degree of trust in the pension system between the elderly generations who get a pension and the younger generations who are working and paying a high premium.

 

添削

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。The surveyにするかA surveyにするか、ですが定期的な調査で読者がこの調査について知っていると仮定すればThe surveyです。厚生省があるときおこなった調査で読者もこの調査については初めてしるというのならばA surveyでしょう。

 

添削箇所はありません。

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(散歩人、17 April 07

 

According to the examination of Health, Labour and Welfare Ministry, more than 40% people aged 20's and 30's complain about the present pension plan, and the other hand, more than 80% of people aged 60 or over agree to the pension plan. This results showed us to the difference of a sense of trust between the working generation and the older generation.

 

添削

 

According to a survey by the examination of1 Health, Labour and Welfare Ministry, more than 40% of people aged in their 20's and 30's complain about the present pension plan., and On the other hand2, more than 80% of people aged 60 or and over agree to the pension plan. This These results showed us to the difference of in a the degree sense of trust people hold in the current pension plan3 between the working generations who pay high premiums and the older generations who already receive their pensions4.

 

コメント

 

1.       このようなサンプル調査をa surveyといいます。

 

2.       前の文の内容と反対の内容の文なので新しい文にするとよいでしょう。前の文の中で続けるには ~ but more than 80% of people ~.butを使います。

 

3.       「現在の年金制度への信頼の度合い」と説明して内容をはっきりするのがよいでしょう。

 

4.       「高い保険料を負担する現役世代と、年金を受け取る高齢世代」は「彼等は高い保険料を払う。」They pay high premiums. 「彼等は年金を既に貰っている。」They already receive their pension.という内容の小文を関係代名詞を使って文中に入れることが出来ます。なお、a generationは同世代(の人達)ですが、20台、30台、とあるのでgenerationsと複数にしました。60歳以上は一つの世代として扱っても良いですが、20台、30台と対応してこちらも複数にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to a survey by Health, Labour and Welfare Ministry, more than 40% of people in their 20's and 30's complain about the present pension plan. On the other hand, more than 80% of people aged 60 and over agree to the pension plan. These results showed us the difference in the degree of trust people hold in the current pension plan between the working generations who pay high premiums and the older generations who already receive their pensions.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(吉、8 December 06

 

A survey conducted by Health, Labour and Welfare Ministry revealed that while more than 40% of those in twenties and thirties are not satisfied with the pension system, more than 80% of those in sixties are satisfied with it. It has highlighted the difference of confidence in the pension system between the working generation who is bearing high insurance premiums and the older generation who is receiving the payments.

 

添削

 

A survey conducted by Health, Labour and Welfare Ministry revealed that while more than 40% of those in their twenties and thirties are not satisfied with the pension system, more than 80% of those in their sixties and over are satisfied with it. It The survey1 has highlighted the difference of in the level of2 confidence in the pension system between the working generation who is bearing high insurance premiums and the older generation who is receiving the payments.

 

コメント

 

1.       代名詞ではなく、名詞にしたほうが何を指しているかはっきりします。

 

2.       confidenceは抽象名詞なので、その差を示すには添削のようにするか、または a different level of confidence in the pension system と表現します。全体にしっかりした構文の英文ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey conducted by Health, Labour and Welfare Ministry revealed that while more than 40% of those in their twenties and thirties are not satisfied with the pension system, more than 80% of those in their sixties and over are satisfied with it. The survey has highlighted the difference in the level of confidence in the pension system between the working generation who is bearing high insurance premiums and the older generation who is receiving the payments.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(岩ちゃん、18 November 06

 

The survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare showed the following. Over 40% of the twenties and thirties complain of the pension system. On the other hand, about 80% of the people over sixties agree in it. It was highlighted that there was a difference in trust to the pension system between the elderly generations who get a pension and the generations still working who pay a high premium.

 

添削

 

The survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare showed the following.:1 Over 40% of those in their twenties and thirties complain of the pension system. On the other hand, about 80% of those in their the people over sixties and over2 are satisfied with the pension system3 agree in it.

 

It wasThe survey4 highlighted that there was a difference in the degree of trust to in the pension system between the elderly generations who get a pension and the younger generations still working who are working and paying5 a high premium.

 

コメント

 

1.       これから内容を箇条書きにするというサインに、文をコロンで終わる(次の文に内容がつづく)ようにするのが一般的です。

 

2.       over 40% of those in their twentiesという形をすべてのケースで保つと、内容の比較がやさしくなります。箇条書きのときの要点です。

 

3.       ここはare satisfied with the pension systemがよいでしょう。ここでthe pension systemを繰り返して明確にしていることに注意してください。

 

4.       主語を変えると内容が直裁でわかりやすくなります。

 

5.       ここも箇条書きの文の構成を同じにしていることに注意してください。

 

添削後の文章

 

The survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare showed the following: Over 40% of those in their twenties and thirties complain of the pension system. On the other hand, about 80% of those in their sixties and over are satisfied with the pension system.

 

The survey highlighted that there was a difference in the degree of trust in the pension system between the elderly generations who get a pension and the younger generations  who are working and paying a high premium.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(tange, 30 March 06

 

According to the survey by MHLW, Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare, over 40 %of young generations, which are 20’s and 30’s, are not satisfied with the pension system but over 80 % of the elderly, which is older than 60’s, is satisfied. This result shows clearly that there is a gap of trust about the current pension system  between the generation still working and paying high insurance costs and the other generations receiving pension.   

 

添削

 

According to the survey by MHLW1,the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare, over 40 % of young generations, which who are in the 20’s and 30’s, are not satisfied with the pension system but while over 80 % of the elderly, which who are 60 years old and over2 is older than 60’s, is are satisfied. This result shows clearly that there is a gap different degree3 of trust about in the current pension system between the generation who are still working and paying high insurance costs premiums and the other generations who are already receiving pensions.   

 

コメント

 

1.       長い固有名詞が何回も文章に出てくるときには、最初に出てきたときにthe Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare (MHLW)として、二回目からはthe MHLWと省略して表現すると便利です。またはthe Ministryと表現することもできます。この投稿では一回しか出てこないので、MHLWの省略形はいらないでしょう。

 

2.       文章にすでに20,30歳代と出てきていて、ここに 60歳代以上とありますが、those who are in the 60s and overとするより、「60歳かそれ以上の人」those who are 60 years old and overとしたほうが内容がはっきりするとおもいます。

 

3.       a gap of trust between A and Bとすると、「ABの信頼関係に溝がある」という意味になります。確かに若い世代と高齢世代の間に年金をめぐる不信感があるでしょうが、この練習問題では「年金への信頼感の差」とあるので添削のようにします。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to the survey by 1the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare, over 40 % of young generations who are in the 20’s and 30’s are not satisfied with the pension system while over 80 % of the elderly who are 60 years old and over2 are satisfied. This result shows clearly that there is a different degree3 of trust in the current pension system between the generation who are still working and paying high insurance premiums and the other generations who are already receiving pensions.   

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(rikarika, 15 August 05

 

The Ministry of Health and Welfare’s survey found that about 80% of over 60s people agree to pension system but, on the other hand, more than 40% of twenties and thirties are not satisfied with the system. It shows that each generation, generation of high rate pension premium payers and generation of pension receivers has different feeling of trust for the

system.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of Health and Welfare’s survey found that about 80% of people over 60s people were satisfied with1 the agree to pension system but, on the other hand2, more than 40% of people in their twenties and thirties are were not satisfied with the system. It The results3 shows that each these two generations, the young generation of high rate pension premium payers and the older generation of pension receivers4, has have different feeling degrees of trust for in the pension system.

 

コメント

 

1.       日本文では「賛成している」となっていますが、なにに賛成しているのかわからないので、文の次に出てくる「不満を持つ」と関連して「満足している」がよいでしょう。

 

2.       butにすでに前とは逆のことをいうことを指しているので、on the other handは要りません。

 

3.       The results (of the survey)と主語を明確にしたほうが良いです。

 

4.       面白い適切な表現ですね。ただし、eachは一つのものを指すのでeach generation, A and Bと二つのものを指すA and Bとは続きません。each generation を使う場合はeach generation, depending on whether it represents the younger people who pay high insurance premiums or the older people who receive pensions, ~となります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Health and Welfare’s survey found that about 80% of people over 60 were satisfied with the pension system but more than 40% of people in their twenties and thirties were not satisfied. The results show that these two generations, the young generation of high pension premium payers and the older generation of pension receivers, have different degrees of trust in the pension system.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(かっぱん、12 April 05

 

A survey by the Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry shows generational difference in thinking on the pension system. While more than 40% of people in their 20s and 30s are dissatisfied with the system, almost 80% of those who are 60 years old or more are satisfied with it. This highly reflects the generational difference in confidence on the pension system between younger generations who pay the high premiums and elder generations who receive the pensions.

 

添削

 

A survey by the Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry shows generational differences in thinking on about the pension system1. While more than 40% of people in their 20s and 30s are dissatisfied with the system, almost 80% of those who are in their 60s and higher2 years old or more  are satisfied with it. This highly clearly reflect the generational difference in the degree of confidence on in the pension system between the younger generations who pay the high premiums and the elder generations who receive the pensions.

 

コメント

 

1.       節にしたほうが読みやすくなります(when they think about the pension system)。

 

2.       In their 20s and 30sと同じ形で対比させるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey by the Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry shows generational differences in thinking about the pension system. While more than 40% of people in their 20s and 30s are dissatisfied with the system, almost 80% of those who are in their 60s and higher   are satisfied. This clearly reflect the generational difference in the degree of confidence  in the pension system between the younger generations who pay high premiums and the elder generations who receive pensions.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3 (マウント60、2 July 04)

 

A survey conducted by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare revealed that while more than 40% of the people in their twenties and thirties are dissatisfied with the pension system, about 80% of the people in their sixties and over are satisfied with it. This has brought out in relief the difference in peoples' confidence in the pension system between the working generation who pays high pension premiums and the senior generation who receives pension.

 

添削

 

A survey conducted by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare revealed that while more than 40% of the people in their twenties and thirties are dissatisfied with the pension system, about 80% of the people in their sixties and over are satisfied with it. This has brought out in relief1 the difference in peoples' confidence in the pension system between the working generation who pays high pension premiums and the senior generation who receives pensions.

 

コメント

 

マウント60さんは日本文の内容を整理して、わかりやすく丁寧な英文で表現しています。

 

1.       「浮き彫りにする」は面白い日本語の表現で、イメージがはっきりしています。辞書をみると英語にもbring out in relief, be brought into bold reliefという比喩表現があるようですが、私は実際に使われているのをまだ見たことがありません。簡単な表現にはbring out, expose, illustrates, shows clearly などがあります。ここでは単にbring outにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey conducted by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare revealed that while more than 40% of the people in their twenties and thirties are dissatisfied with the pension system, about 80% of the people in their sixties and over are satisfied with it. This has brought out the difference in peoples' confidence in the pension system between the working generation who pays high pension premiums and the senior generation who receives pensions.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2 (tama, 19 March 04)

 

The research by Health Labor and Welfare Ministry found clearly the following difference :

 

more than forty percent of twenty’s and thirty’s had complaint about pension administration plan, while approximately eighty percent of more than sixty’s agreed with it.

 

At the same time, in reliability on pension plan, the research showed us clear difference between people who had to work and to pay expensive fee and those who received it.

 

添削

 

The research A survey1 by Health Labor and Welfare Ministry of people’s perception of the pension system2 found clearly the following3 difference :

 

(1)4 mMore than forty percent of those in their twenty’s 20s5 and thirty’s 30s had complaint about the pension administration plan, while approximately eighty percent of those in their 60s and over more than sixty’s are satisfied with6 the pension plan. agreed with it.

 

(2) At the same time, in for the reliability on of the pension plan, the research showed us there is a clear difference between people those who had to work are working and to paying expensive fee premiums now and those who have retired and are receiving their pensions7 received it.

 

コメント

 

1.       research(研究)とするよりsurvey(調査)のほうが良いでしょう。

 

2.       これがキーセンテンスになるので何の調査か、入れておいたほうが良いです。

 

3.       年代による意見の相違は次にでてくるので、ここでは ~found the following:でよいです。

 

4.       箇条書きにしたのはとても良いアイディアです。番号をつけるともっとはっきりします。

 

5.       20代の人はthose in their 20sと数字にするのが普通です。通常は短い文章では数字ではなく文で書くのが基本ですが、20代、30代、と1980年代(in the 1980s)は数字になるから不思議です。

 

6.       Complainと対比するような言葉が良いでしょう。

 

7.       このように説明すると内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey by Health Labor and Welfare Ministry of people’s perception of the pension system found the following:

 

(1) More than forty percent of those in their 20s and 30s complaint about the pension plan, while approximately eighty percent of those in their 60s and over are satisfied with the pension plan.

 

(2) At the same time, for the reliability of the pension plan, there is a clear difference between those who are working and paying expensive premiums now and those who have retired and are receiving their pensions.

 

読者からの投稿 1(Yoshi, 14 Feb 03

 

A survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare found that more than 40 percent of people in the 20s and 30s are not satisfied with the current pension system while more than 80 percent of people in 60s and over are satisfied. It was revealed in the survey that there is a gap in the degree of faith people have in the pension system between the young working generations who have to pay high pension premiums and the old retired generations who receive pensions.

 

添削

 

A survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare found that more than 40 percent of people in the their 20s and 30s are not satisfied with the current pension system while more than 80 percent of people in their 60s and over are satisfied. It was revealed in the survey that there is The survey revealed1 a gap in the degree of faith people have in the pension system between the young working generations who have to pay high pension premiums and the old retired generations2 who receive pensions.

 

コメント

 

1.       「〜が厚生労働省の調査で明らかになった」を「厚生労働省の調査が〜を明らかにした」と英文では能動態で表現したのが良いですね。「信頼感の差が浮き彫りになった」も同様に「この調査が信頼感の差を浮き彫りにした」とするのがよいでしょう。

 

2.       「高い保険料を負担する現役世代」と「年金を受け取る高齢世代」を young working generations who have to pay high pension premiums old retired generations who receive pensions parallel structure(平行構造)で表現したは上手ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare found that more than 40 percent of people in their 20s and 30s are not satisfied with the current pension system while more than 80 percent of people in their 60s and over are satisfied. The survey revealed a gap in the degree of faith people have in the pension system between young working generations who have to pay high pension premiums and old retired generations who receive pensions.

 

 

練習問題 27

 

東京都は2003年から、都内の公立中学と都立高校の英語教師全員を対象に、英語力と指導技術向上のための特別な研修を行う。夏休みを利用し、一週間から十日程度“英語漬け”で特訓。英語の先生にとっては厳しい休日となりそうだ。

 

読者からの投稿 23(だっち、28 June 14

 

From 2003, Tokyo will let English teachers take special training, who are in charge for public junior high and high school in Tokyo. To improve both of English and instructer's skill. English teachers will practice English from 7days to 10days of their summer vacation. These days will be harsh vacation for English teaches.

 

添削

 

From 2003, the City of Tokyo will ask let English teachers at its public junior and senior high schools take special training in teaching English, who are in charge for public junior high and high school in Tokyo. To to improve both their of English and teaching instructer's skills. The English teachers will practice English from 7 days to 10 days out of their summer vacations. These days will be a harsh vacation for the English teaches.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。添削は文章を読みやすくしました。

 

1.       Tokyoだけでもわかりますが、the City of Tokyoとするとはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

From 2003,the City of Tokyo will ask English teachers at its public junior and senior high schools take special training in teaching English to improve both their English and teaching  skills. The English teachers will practice English from 7 days to 10 days out of their summer vacations. These days will be a harsh vacation for the English teaches.

 

 

読者からの投稿 22(owl, 21 December 13

 

Starting 2003, the Tokyo Metropolitan Government is set to conduct special seminars for all the English teachers of metropolitan high schools and public junior high schools in Tokyo, aimed at improving their English and teaching skills. The Tokyo Government is planning to give them intensive training in an immersion style for one week to ten days during summer break. These seminars will give the English teachers tough holidays.

 

添削

 

 

Starting in 2003, the Tokyo Metropolitan Government is set to conduct special seminars for all the English teachers of metropolitan high schools and public junior high schools in Tokyo,  to aimed at improvinge their English and teaching skills. The Tokyo Government is planning to give them intensive training in an immersion style for one week to ten days during the summer break. These seminars will give the English teachers tough holidays.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Starting in 2003, the Tokyo Metropolitan Government is set to conduct special seminars for all English teachers of metropolitan high schools and public junior high schools in Tokyo to  improve their English and teaching skills. The Tokyo Government is planning to give them intensive training in an immersion style for one week to ten days during the summer break. These seminars will give the English teachers tough holidays.

 

 

読者からの投稿 21(sasuke,8 November 13

 

Starting 2003, Tokyo officials will conduct a special training program of improving English skills and instruction techniques for all English teachers who belong to the public junior high and high schools in Tokyo. During summer vacation, they will take a hard training of English for one week to ten days. It might become tough vacation for English teachers.

 

添削

 

Starting in 2003, the Metropolitan Government of Tokyo officials will conduct a special training program for of improving English skills and instruction techniques of for all English teachers who belong to the public junior high and high schools in Tokyo. During the summer vacation, they will take a hard training of English for one week to ten days. This summer vacation will be It might become tough vacation for the English teachers.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Starting in 2003, the Metropolitan Government of Tokyo will conduct a special training program for improving English skills and instruction techniques of all English teachers who belong to the public junior high and high schools in Tokyo. During the summer vacation, they will take hard training of English for one week to ten days. This summer vacation will be  tough for the English teachers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 20(文月、21 September 13

 

The Tokyo Metropolitan Government will introduce special training course for all of the English teachers of the public junior and senior high schools in Tokyo area in 2003. The course is aimed at developing English proficiency and teaching skill. The participants of the course will be trained by total immersion in English from one week to ten days during summer holidays. It will be severe holidays for the English teachers.

 

添削

 

The Tokyo Metropolitan Government will introduce a special training course for all of the English teachers of English1 in of the public junior and senior high schools in the Tokyo area in 2003. The course is aimed at developing English proficiency and teaching skills. The participants of the course will be trained by total immersion in English from one week to ten days during summer holidays. The teachers of English It will face be severe tough summer holidays for the English teachers.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       文脈から「英語を教える教師」ということがわかりますが、このごろは「英国人の教師」も日本の学校にいますから、このようにしたほうが明確になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Tokyo Metropolitan Government will introduce a special training course for all   teachers of English in the public junior and senior high schools in the Tokyo area in 2003. The course is aimed at developing English proficiency and teaching skills. The participants of the course will be trained by total immersion in English from one week to ten days during summer holidays. The teachers of English will face tough summer holidays.

 

 

読者からの投稿 19(Valley winds, 28 March 12

 

Since 2003, the Tokyo Metropolitan Government will provide special training program for all English teachers in public junior high schools in Tokyo and metropolitan high schools to improve their English and teaching skills. The program will be held during a summer vacation and give participants a special lesson, using only English between one week to ten days. It is going to be a tough vacation for English teachers.

 

添削

 

Staring in Since 2003, the Tokyo Metropolitan Government will provide a special training program to for all English teachers in public junior high schools in Tokyo and metropolitan high schools to improve their English and teaching skills. The program will be held during a summer vacation and give participants a special lesson, using only English for between one week to ten days. It is going to be a tough vacation for English teachers this year.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Staring in  2003, the Tokyo Metropolitan Government will provide a special training program to all English teachers in public junior high schools in Tokyo and metropolitan high schools to improve their English and teaching skills. The program will be held during a summer vacation and give participants a special lesson, using only English for one week to ten days. It is going to be a tough vacation for English teachers this year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 18(あんこ、26 April 10

 

In Tokyo, a special training program will start in summer, 2003. This program is intended for all the English teachers at junior high and high schools in Tokyo to brush up their English abilities and teaching skills. All of them are required to use English only from the beginning of the program to the end. This program takes seven to ten days during summer vacation and will put the teachers through a tough vacation.

 

添削

 

In Tokyo, a special English training program for high school teachers will start in the summer, of 20031. This program is intended for all the English teachers at junior and senior high and high schools2 in Tokyo to brush up their English abilities and teaching skills. All of them are will be3 required to use English only from the beginning till of the program to the end of the program. This program will takes seven to ten days during the summer vacation and will put the teachers through a tough summer vacation this year.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       文章の始めのキーセンテンスなので、文章の要旨を入れる必要があります。

 

2.       北米では中学と高校を一緒にしてa high schoolと呼ぶのが一般的です。中学と高校を区別するときにはa junior high school, a senior high schoolになります。

 

3.       プログラムの内容の説明ですが、このプログラムは未だ始まっていないので未来形になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

In Tokyo, a special English training program for high school teachers will start in the summer of 2003. This program is intended for all English teachers at junior and senior high  schools in Tokyo to brush up their English abilities and teaching skills. All of them will be required to use English only from the beginning till the end of the program. This program will take seven to ten days during the summer vacation and will put the teachers through a tough summer vacation this year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 17(Tatsuo, 28 Jan 10

 

Tokyo Metropolis will carry out a special training for English teachers from 2003. For the purpose of this training is the improvement of teaching skills for all English teachers who have worked public secondary school and public high school in Tokyo. It will be held in summer holiday between 7 and 10 days and be planned an intensive training for English. This summer holiday is likely to become a hard work for the teachers.  

 

添削

 

The Tokyo Metropolistan Government1 will start carry out a special training program for English teachers in from 2003. For tThe purpose of this program training is to the improvement of teaching skills for of all English teachers who work at have worked public junior high schools secondary school and public high schools2 in Tokyo. The program It will be held during in summer holidays for between seven to ten 7 and 10 days and will be planned an intensive training in for English. The This summer holidays this year are is likely to become a period of a hard work for the teachers.  

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       the Government of Saitama Prefectureを文脈からわかるときは省略して、Saitama Prefectureと表現することもありますが、ここではThe Tokyo Metropolitan Governmentとしたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       学制は国によって異なりますが、北米では6-3-3-4が標準です。この学制ではprimary school, junior high school, senior high school (high school), college (university)という呼び方が一般的です。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Tokyo Metropolitan Government will start a special training program for English teachers in 2003. The purpose of this program is to improve teaching skills of all English teachers who work at public junior high schools and high schools in Tokyo. The program  will be held during summer holidays for seven to ten days and will be an intensive training in  English. The summer holidays this year are likely to become a period of hard work for the teachers.  

 

 

読者からの投稿 16(Yoshi, 9 Nov 09

 

The Tokyo metropolitan government will offer special training programs for public junior high school teachers and metropolitan high school teachers in Tokyo to improve English skill and teaching skill in 2003. They will be trained for just the special training programs from one week to ten days through the summer vacation. It will be hard on the days for teachers.

 

添削

 

The Tokyo metropolitan government will offer a special training programs1 for public junior high school teachers and metropolitan high school teachers in Tokyo to improve their English skills and teaching skills in 2003. They will be trained for just the special training programs from one week to ten days through during the summer vacation just using English all day2. It will be a hard summer for these high school on the days for teachers.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       幾つかのコースがあるでしょうが、全体として一つのプロラムでよいでしょう。

 

2.       “英語漬け”の内容がどんなものかわかりませんが、一日中英語だけのプログラムなのでしょうか。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Tokyo metropolitan government will offer a special training program for public junior high school teachers and metropolitan high school teachers in Tokyo to improve their English skills and teaching skills in 2003. They will be trained for one week to ten days during the summer vacation just using English all day. It will be a hard summer for these high school teachers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(mxtomi, 15 July 09

 

The Tokyo metropolitan government will start special training program from 2003 onward for English teachers of public junior and senior high schools in Tokyo aiming at improving their command of English as well as teaching skills thereof. Teachers are to get a clash course being totally immersed in the language for seven to ten days in their summer holidays. They are going to experience very tough holidays this year.

 

添削

 

The Tokyo metropolitan government will start a special training program from 2003 onward for English teachers of public junior and senior high schools in Tokyo aiming at improving their command of English as well as teaching skills of English thereof. The Tteachers are to get a clash course that1 will being totally immersed them into English the language for seven to ten days during in their summer holidays. They are going to experience very tough holidays this year.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       すぐ前のa clash courseという印象が強いので、これを主語にした関係代名詞のほうが文の論理がすっきりするでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Tokyo metropolitan government will start a special training program from 2003 onward for English teachers of public junior and senior high schools in Tokyo aiming at improving their command of English as well as teaching skills of English. The teachers are to get a clash course that will totally immerse them into English for seven to ten days during their summer holidays. They are going to experience very tough holidays this year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 14(かい、28 June 08

 

From 2003, the Tokyo Metropolitan government will organize the special training to improve the skill of English and teaching to all English teachers who work in public junior high schools and metropolitan high schools. By use of summer vacation, the government will train them strictly in the situation from about a week to ten days where they can't use except English. This vacation will be arduous for English teachers.

 

添削

 

From In 2003, the Tokyo Metropolitan gGovernment will start1 a organize the special training program to improve the levels skill of English and English teaching skills for to all English teachers who work in public junior and junior high schools in Tokyo and metropolitan high schools. By use of summer vacation, the government The program2 will train them strictly in a strictly English environment the situation from about for a week to ten days during the summer vacation where they just can't3 use except English. This summer vacation will be arduous for English teachers.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       I will start a lesson in 2003. 2003年からレッスンを始めます、というようにstartinを組み合わせるとわかりやすいでしょう。またa training programとすると具体的になります。

 

2.       プログラムを主語にしたほうが直截な表現になります。英文では非生物を主語にする場合が多くあります。

 

3.       一般的に否定表現より肯定表現のほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

 

添削後の文章

 

In 2003, the Tokyo Metropolitan Government will start a special training program to improve the levels of English and English teaching skills for all English teachers who work in public junior and junior high schools in Tokyo. The program will train them in a strictly English environment for a week to ten days during the summer vacation where they just use  English. This summer will be arduous for English teachers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(kk, 12 February 08

 

Starting from the year of 2003, Tokyo Metropolitan Government will plan special seminars for every English teacher at public junior and senior high schools in Tokyo in order to improve their English abilities and teaching skills. During the summer holidays for a week to ten days, they are going to immerse themselves in English. It will be tough summer holidays for the English teachers.

 

添削

 

Starting from in the year of 2003, the Tokyo Metropolitan Government will plans1 a special seminars for every all English teachers2 at public junior and senior high schools in Tokyo in order to improve their English abilities and teaching skills. For a week to ten days Dduring the summer holidays for a week to ten days, they are going to immerse themselves in English. It will beThe English teachers are going to spend tough summer holidays for the English teachers3.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       現在計画中なので現在形にします。

 

2.       all English teachersとすると、後の代名詞がtheyで統一できます。

 

3.       文の主体を主語にするとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Starting in 2003, the Tokyo Metropolitan Government plans a special seminar for all English teachers at public junior and senior high schools in Tokyo in order to improve their English abilities and teaching skills. For a week to ten days during summer holidays, they are going to immerse themselves in English. The English teachers are going to spend summer holiday.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(dunkel, 16 November 07

 

The Tokyo Metropolitan Government launches a special training program for all the teachers who teach English of the public junior and senior highschool in Tokyo from the year 2003. It will become a severe summer vacation for them because the Government plans to execute the training program during their summer vacation. They will be locked into the absolute learning-English circumstances for a week or ten days.

 

添削

 

The Tokyo Metropolitan Government launches a special training program in the summer of 2003 for all the teachers who teach English at of the public junior and senior high schools in Tokyo from the year 2003. It will become a tough summer a severe summer vacation for the English teachers them because the Government plans to execute the training program during their summer vacation1. They will be locked them into an intensive English environment2 the absolute learning-English circumstances for a week to or ten days.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますがthe absolute learning-English circumstancesというのがどういう状況かわかりません。

 

1.       すでに2003年の夏、と言ってあるで省略します。

 

2.       英語漬け、がどういう状態なのかわかりませんが、もし英語だけの生活、ならばan intensive English-only environmentと表現できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Tokyo Metropolitan Government launches a special training program in the summer of 2003 for all teachers who teach English at public junior and senior high schools in Tokyo. It will a tough summer for the English teachers because the Government plans to lock them into an intensive English environment for a week to ten days.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(マーチャン、29 August 07

 

The Government of Tokyo will start a special program for the improvement of English ability in general and English teaching skills in particular for all English teachers in public junior high schools and metropolitan high schools in Tokyo. This program will be held during the summer holidays and the teachers will be immersed in English for a period between a week and ten days. English teachers seem to have tough summer holidays this year.

 

添削

 

The Government of Tokyo will start a special program for the improvement of English ability in general and English teaching skills in particular for all English teachers in public junior high schools and metropolitan high schools in Tokyo. This program will be held during the summer holidays and the teachers will be immersed in English for a period between a week and ten days. English teachers seem to have tough summer holidays this year.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。English ability in general and English teaching skills in particularとしたのがリズムがあってよいですね。

 

添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 10(散歩人、18 April 07

 

The Tokyo metropolitan government starts from 2003 a special seminar for all English teachers who work at both junior high schools and high schools in Tokyo. The aim of the seminar is to improve their command of English and their skill of teaching English. The seminar is held around ten days in summer holiday and in such a environment that they use English as much as possible. It seems very hard for them to take part in the seminar.

 

添削

 

The Tokyo metropolitan government starts from in 2003 a special seminar for all English teachers who work at both public junior high schools and high schools in Tokyo. The aim of the seminar is to improve their command of English and their skills1 of teaching English. The seminar is will be2 held around for seven to ten days in during summer holidays and in such a environment that they will use English as much as possible3. It seems very hard challenging4 for them to take part in the seminar.

 

コメント

 

1.       このような場合はskillsと複数形にすることが多いです。

 

2.       ここは未来形がよいでしょう。

 

3.       「英語漬け」をthey will use English as much as possible.は簡単な具体的な表現でよいですね。

 

4.       hardだと「先生がセミナーに参加するのはなかなか難しい。」という意味にも取れます。challenging、困難だがやりがいのある、という表現が良く使われます。こうすると、「先生がセミナーに参加するのは困難だがやりがいのあることのようだ。」となります。hardchallengingはこの文脈では似たような意味ですが、文の中に入ると文全体の意味が違ってきます。hardは形容詞なのでto take part in the seminar is hardという文型が元にあるのに対し、challengingchallengeを元にした形容詞なので、to take part in the seminar is challengingという文型でも、challengeする主体(先生)がわかるためでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Tokyo metropolitan government starts in 2003 a special seminar for all English teachers who work at both public junior high schools and high schools in Tokyo. The aim of the seminar is to improve their command of English and their skills of teaching English. The seminar will be held for seven to ten days during summer holidays and in such a environment that they will use English as much as possible. It seems very challenging for them to take part in the seminar.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(吉、9 December 06

 

In 2003, the Tokyo Metropolitan Government will launch a special training program directed to all teachers from public senior and junior high schools in Tokyo. This program aims to improve their English and teaching skills. Taking advantage of their summer vacations, teachers will take intensive training for about seven to ten days, where only English is available. This will be tough holidays to English teachers.

 

添削

 

In 2003, the Tokyo Metropolitan Government will launch a special training program directed to all teachers from at public senior and junior high schools in Tokyo. This program aims to improve their English and teaching skills. Taking advantage of their summer vacations, teachers will take intensive training for about seven to ten days, where in which1 only English is available2. This will be tough holidays to English teachers.

 

コメント

 

1.       will take intensive training, where only English is available.とすると、intensive training が抽象名詞なのでwhereとの関係がはっきりしません。「英語しか通用しない場所で特訓をする」というように解釈できます。will take intensive training in which only English is available 「英語しか使わないで特訓をする」、またはtake an intensive training session where only English is availableがよいでしょう。

 

2.       「“英語漬け”で特訓」を難しく考えず、内容を解釈して簡単に表現していますね。日本語にはこのような、その時々の特殊な造語があります。造語自体の面白さを英語で表現するのが目的ではないときは、内容を簡単に言いなおして英語で表現する、という方法があります。

 

添削後の文章

 

In 2003, the Tokyo Metropolitan Government will launch a special training program directed to all teachers at public senior and junior high schools in Tokyo. This program aims to improve their English and teaching skills. Taking advantage of their summer vacations, teachers will take intensive training for about seven to ten days in which only English is available. This will be tough holidays to English teachers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(Hanasaki, 22 November 06

 

Since 2003, The Tokyo Metropolitan Government will offer a special training programs for all English teachers of public junior high schools in Tokyo and Tokyo Metropolitan Senior high schools to upgrade their English and their teaching abilities. It will be held in summer school vacation  for one week to ten days and teachers will get a intensive training by spending English all day long. It might be arduous holidays.

 

添削

 

Since 2003, The Tokyo Metropolitan Government will offer a special training programs for all English teachers of at public junior high schools in Tokyo and Tokyo Mmetropolitan1 Ssenior high schools to upgrade their English and their teaching abilities. It The program2 will be held in during the summer school vacation for one week to ten days and the teachers will get an intensive training by spending English all day long in the English environment3. It The program4 might give be arduous holidays to the teachers.

 

コメント

 

1.       都立高校一般を指すので小文字にします。

 

2.       代名詞にすると何を指すのかわかり難くなります。

 

3.       「英語漬け」をこのように表現することも出来ます。

 

4.       It が何を指すのかわからないので、このようにするとはっきりするでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Since 2003, The Tokyo Metropolitan Government will offer a special training program for all English teachers at public junior high schools in Tokyo and Tokyo metropolitan senior high schools to upgrade their English and teaching abilities. The program will be held during the summer school vacation for one week to ten days and the teachers will get an intensive training by spending all day in the English environment. The program might give arduous holidays to the teachers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(岩ちゃん、18 November 06

 

Tokyo Metropolis will perform a special study and training for the improvement of their English ability and instruction skills to all English teachers in public junior high schools and metropolitan high schools in Tokyo. This is the special training for summer vacation that they are addicted to English for a period between around ten days and a week. English teachers seem to have a severe holiday.

 

添削

 

The Government of Tokyo1 Metropolis will perform start a special study program2 and training for the improvement of their English ability in general and instruction English teaching skills in particular to for all English teachers in public junior high schools and metropolitan high schools in Tokyo. This is program will be held the special training for during the summer vacation holidays that and the teachers will be immersed3 in they are addicted to English for a period between around ten days and a week and ten days4. English teachers seem to have a severe tough summer holidays this year.

 

コメント

 

1.       「東京都」は「東京都庁」の意味なのでthe Government of Tokyoとします。

 

2.       研修プログラムなのでstart a special program ~とするとよいでしょう。

 

3.       the teachers will be immersed in Aと「教師はAにどっぷりとつかる」という表現に適切なimmerseという言葉があります。語学のイマージョン・プログラムのimmerseです。

 

4.       このような順序の方が合理的です。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Government of Tokyo will start a special program for the improvement of English ability in general and English teaching skills in particular for all English teachers in public junior high schools and metropolitan high schools in Tokyo. This program will be held during the summer holidays and the teachers will be immersed in English for a period between a week and ten days. English teachers seem to have tough summer holidays this year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(tange, 30 March 06

 

Tokyo local government is going to give a special training all teachers who teach English in the both of local junior and high schools from 2003 to improve their English and teaching  skills. Teachers have to devote their summer vacation and the training totally immersed in English will continue from 1 week to around 10 days. This summer vacation will be hard for the teachers.  

 

添削

 

The Tokyo local Metropolitan gGovernment1 is going to give a special training to all teachers who teach English in the both of local junior-high and high schools from 2003 to improve their English abilities and teaching skills. Teachers have to devote their summer vacation to the special training session2. and tThe training session will totally immersed teachers in English and will continue from 1 one week to around 10 ten days3. This The summer vacation this year4 will be hard for the teachers.  

 

コメント

 

1.       固有名詞なので定冠詞を付けます。

 

2.       I have decided to devote the rest of my life to saving wild swans. という形で使います。

 

3.       文章の中に桁数の少ない数字が出てくるときは、数字で表現するより英単語で表現すると読みやすくなります。

 

4.       This summer vacationよりThe summer vacation this yearとしたほうが文のリズムがよくなります。this, summerと二つの形容詞が続くより、the summer vacation, this yearと一つの形容詞の句が二つ続いたほうが響きが良い、という感覚があるのでしょう。言わば3拍子一小節より、二拍子二小節のほうがリズムが良いのでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Tokyo Metropolitan Government is going to give a special training to all teachers who teach English in both local junior-high and high schools from 2003 to improve their English abilities and teaching skills. Teachers have to devote their summer vacation to the special training session. The training session will totally immerse teachers in English and will continue from one week to around ten days. The summer vacation this year will be hard for the teachers.  

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(rikarika, 16 August 05

 

The Tokyo metropolitan government is going to start special training program for all English teachers working at public junior high schools and public high schools in Tokyo. The program aims to improve the teachers’ English skill and teaching skill. The teachers are going to get English only special program for one week or ten days by using their summer vacation. The teachers seem to have hard vacation.

 

添削

 

The Tokyo metropolitan government is going to start a special training program for all English teachers working at public junior and senior1 high schools and public high schools in Tokyo. The program aims to improve the teachers’ English skill and teaching skills2. The teachers are going to get the “English only special program for one week or to ten days by using their summer vacation. The teachers seem to have hard a tough summer vacation this year.

 

コメント

 

1.       全体にわかりやすい英文です。こうすると重複が省略できます。

 

2.       ここもこのように重複を省略できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Tokyo metropolitan government is going to start a special training program for all English teachers at public junior and senior high schools in Tokyo. The program aims to improve the teachers’ English and teaching skills. The teachers are going to get the “English only special program” for one week to ten days by using their summer vacation. The teachers seem to have a tough summer vacation this year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(かっぱん、12 April 05

 

Tokyo Metropolitan Government decided to start a special training program targeted on all English teachers of public junior and senior high schools from 2003. This program is intended to improve the teachers command and teaching skills of English. The teachers is trained under the circumstances of “English Only” for seven to ten days during the summer vacation. The teachers will have toughest summer vacations ever.

 

添削

 

The Tokyo Metropolitan Government has1 decided to start a special training program in 20032 targeted on all English teachers of in public junior and senior high schools from 2003. This program is intended to improve the teachers command and teaching skills of English. The teachers is will be trained under the a special circumstances of “English Only” for seven to ten days during the summer vacation. The teachers will have the toughest summer vacations ever.

 

コメント

 

「決定したがまだ始まっていない」ということを強調するためにhas decidedにしました。

 

To start a special programとあるのでin 2003がよいでしょう。そしてこれをprogramの近くに置いたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Tokyo Metropolitan Government has decided to start a special training program in 2003 targeted all English teachers in public junior and senior high schools . This program is intended to improve teachers’ command and teaching skills of English. The teachers will be trained under a special circumstance of “English Only” for seven to ten days during the summer vacation. The teachers will have the toughest summer vacations ever.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3 (マウント60、4 July 04)

 

In 2003, the Tokyo Metropolitan Government will start a special training program targeted at all the teaching staffs at the public junior high schools and the municipal senior high schools in the Tokyo Metropolitan Prefecture for improving their English and teaching skills. The teachers will be trained under the "English only" circumstances for about 7 to 10 days during summer vacation. It seems that the English teachers are going to have a tough time during the vacation.

 

添削

 

Starting Iin 2003, the Tokyo Metropolitan Government will start a special training program targeted at all the teaching staffsEnglish teachers1 at the public junior high schools and the municipal senior high schools in the Tokyo Metropolitan Prefecture for improving their English and teaching skills. The teachers will be trained under the "English only" circumstances for about 7 to 10 days during the summer vacation. It seems that the English teachers are going to have a tough time during the vacation2.

 

コメント

 

1.       間単にEnglish teachersでよいでしょう。次の文にでてくるteachersに対応します。

 

2.       本来は夏休みなのに研修を受けなければならない先生に同情して、「本当にこれが夏休みなのか?」という意味をもたせて、”vacation”としました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Starting in 2003, the Tokyo Metropolitan Government will start a special training program targeted at all English teachers at public junior high schools and municipal senior high schools in the Tokyo Metropolitan Prefecture for improving their English and teaching skills. The teachers will be trained under the "English only" circumstances for about 7 to 10 days during the summer vacation. It seems that the English teachers are going to have a tough time during the “vacation”.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2 (tama, 27 March 04)

 

The City of Tokyo will give specific trainings to all of English teachers at public junior high school and municipal high school in 2003 in order to improve the skills of English and teaching.

 

Special training means that all of English teachers will go on taking a “English shower” for a week to ten days during summer vacation. The vacation looks tough for English teachers in Tokyo

 

添削

 

The City of Tokyo will give start providing1 specific special2 trainings to all of English teachers at public junior high schools and municipal high schools in Tokyo in 2003 in order to improve the skills levels3 of their English abilities and teaching skills.

 

Special training means that all of English teachers will must take4 go on taking a an intensive “English shower” seminar5 for a week to ten days during the summer vacation. The summer vacation looks will be tough for English teachers in Tokyo.

 

コメント

 

1.       特別英語研修は2003年から始まり、将来も続く予定なのでgiveよりstartが良いでしょう。

 

2.       Specificはある「特定の」のモノをさします。He must take a specific diet for his health.といえば、健康上の理由からある特別な構成の食事をとらなければならない、となります。He ordered a special food to celebrate this occasion. は、何かいいことがあったので、そのお祝いのために(普段は頼まないような、たぶん、高価な)特別な料理を注文した、となります。この例題ではspecific よりspecial が良いでしょう。

 

3.       よくイングリッシュ・スキルといいますが、skillは技術的な訓練を得て獲得するもの、といった感じがあるので、もう少し一般的なability(能力)が良いでしょう。

 

4.       go on taking ~は「〜を続ける」ということなので、ここでは単にtakeが良いでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The City of Tokyo will start providing special trainings to all English teachers at public junior high schools and municipal high schools in Tokyo in 2003 in order to improve the levels3 of their English abilities and teaching skills.

 

Special training means that all English teachers must take an intensive “English shower” seminar for a week to ten days during the summer vacation. The summer vacation will be tough for English teachers in Tokyo.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Sue, 9 Feb 03

 

The Government of Tokyo announced that starting in the 2003 school year all teachers of English at public junior and senior high schools in Tokyo must attend special summer seminars to improve their English abilities and teaching techniques. The summer seminars will submerge teachers into the English environment for a week to ten days. The summer will be a tough holiday season for English teachers this year.

 

添削

 

The Government of Tokyo1 announced that starting in the 2003 school year all teachers of English at public junior and senior high schools in Tokyo must attend special summer seminars to improve their English abilities and teaching techniques2. The summer seminars will submerge immerse3 teachers into the an English environment for a week to ten days. The summer will be a tough holiday season for English teachers this year.

 

添削

 

1.       「東京都」は東京都庁のことですから、the Government of Tokyoですが、the City of Tokyoでも東京都庁の意味になります。

 

2.       日本文はごく普通の文章ですが、さて英語で内容を表現しようとすると、一体どれを主語にするか迷う文章です。英語の観点からみると、どうして日本人はこのような文章を理解できるのかわからない文章です。Sueさんは日本文を英語の発想で(主語+動詞+目的語の文型で表現出きるように)次のように書き直したと思います。

 

東京都は次のことを発表した。

都内の公立中学と都立高校の英語教師は全員、特別は夏休み研修に出席しなければならない。

この夏休み研修は英語力と指導技術向上のためである。

 

3.       「夏休みを利用し、一週間から十日程度“英語漬け”で特訓。」をSueさんは「夏休み特別研修は教師を一週間から十日程度、英語環境に漬ける。」と(主語+動詞+目的語)の文型にしています。「~漬けにする」にはimmerseという動詞を使った良い表現があります。

 

I am going to immerse myself in learning English this summer. (今年の夏は英語の習得に没頭しようとおもう。)

 

Immerse Chinese cabbages into salt water for one hour.(白菜を塩水に1時間漬けてください。)

 

カナダは英語とフランス語を公用語(市民は連邦政府のサービスを英語、フランス語のどちらでも受ける権利がある)にしているので、第2言語としての英語またはフランス語教育に力を入れています。このためにEnglish immersion, French immersionと呼ばれる第2言語の教育方法を開発しました。小学校、中学校、高校で「英語漬け」、「フランス語漬け」の時間を多く取った教育方法です。

 

添削語の文章

 

The Government of Tokyo announced that starting in the 2003 school year all teachers of English at public junior and senior high schools in Tokyo must attend special summer seminars to improve their English abilities and teaching techniques. The summer seminars will immerse teachers into an English environment for a week to ten days. The summer will be a tough holiday season for English teachers this year.

 

 

練習問題 28

 

環境省と群馬県は群馬、福島、新潟3県にまたがる日光国立公園の中の尾瀬への群馬県側のマイカー乗り入れ規制の日程を決めた。今年は、5月23日―10月19日の週末を中心とした110日間。1974年に始まったマイカー規制の中で最長となる。

 

読者からの投稿 21(owl, 21 December 13

 

The Environment Ministry and Gunma Prefecture have decided when they will put restrictions on privately owned cars coming from Gunma to enter the Oze area in Nikko National Park, which straddles Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata Prefectures. The traffic restrictions this year will be 110 days in total, mainly on weekends between May 23rd and October 19th. These will be the longest restrictions on privately owned cars since they were first introduced in 1974.

 

添削

 

The Environment Ministry and Gunma Prefecture have decided when they will put restrictions on privately owned cars coming from Gunma to enter the Oze area in Nikko National Park, which straddles Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata Prefectures1. The traffic restrictions this year will be 110 days in total, mainly on weekends between May 23rd and October 19th. These will be the longest restrictions on privately owned cars2 since they were first introduced in 1974.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       固有名詞のGunma Prefecture, Fukushima (Prefecture) and Niigata (Prefecture) の省略表現なので単数形にします。

 

2.       既に文章に出ているので省略したほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Environment Ministry and Gunma Prefecture have decided when they will put restrictions on privately owned cars coming from Gunma to enter the Oze area in Nikko National Park, which straddles Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata Prefecture. The traffic restrictions this year will be 110 days in total, mainly on weekends between May 23rd and October 19th. These will be the longest restrictions since they were first introduced in 1974.

 

 

読者からの投稿 20(sasuke, 13 November 13

 

Ministry of the Environment and Gunma Prefecture decided the schedule for regulations on private cars driving into Gunma side of Oze in Nikko National Park where extended across Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata Prefectures. The duration of this year's regulations is 110 days mainly on the weekends from May 23 to October 19. It's the longest regulations on private cars since the beginning of the regulations in 1974.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of the Environment and Gunma Prefecture decided the schedule for regulationsng on private cars driving into Gunma side of Oze in Nikko National Park which where extended across Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata Prefectures1. The duration of this year's regulations is 110 days mainly on the weekends between from May 23 and to October 19. It's will be the longest duration of regulations on private cars since the beginning of the regulations in 1974.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       Gunma (Prefecture), Fukushima (Prefecture) and Nagano Prefectureという三つの固有名詞の省略形なので単数形にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of the Environment and Gunma Prefecture decided the schedule for regulating  private cars driving into Gunma side of Oze in Nikko National Park which extended across Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata Prefecture. The duration of this year's regulation is 110 days mainly on the weekends between May 23 and October 19. It will be the longest duration of regulation since the beginning of the regulation in 1974.

 

 

読者からの投稿 19(文月、25 September 13

 

The Ministry of the Environment and Gunma Prefecture decided the schedule controlling the entry of private cars to Oze from the Gunma side. Oze is included in the Nikko National Park, which extends over three prefectures, Gunma, Fukushima, and Niigata. In this year, the days under control are total 110 days and mainly on weekends between May 23th and October 19th, which is the longest period since the entry control started in 1974.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of the Environment and Gunma Prefecture decided the a schedule controlling the entry of private cars to Oze from the Gunma side. Oze is included in the Nikko National Park, which extends over three prefectures, Gunma, Fukushima, and Niigata. In tThis year1, the days under control will be a are total of110 days and fall mainly on weekends between May 23thrd and October 19th., This will be which is the longest period since the entry control started in 1974.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       This year と副詞としてあつかいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of the Environment and Gunma Prefecture decided a schedule controlling the entry of private cars to Oze from the Gunma side. Oze is included in Nikko National Park, which extends over three prefectures, Gunma, Fukushima, and Niigata. This year, the days under control will be a total of110 days and fall mainly on weekends between May 23rd and October 19th. This will be the longest period since the entry control started in 1974.

 

 

読者からの投稿 18(Valley winds, 28 March 12

 

The Ministry of the Environment and Gunma Prefecture decided the schedule for limiting private car traffic into the Gunma Prefecture side of Oze in Nikko National Park, which lies among the three prefectures of Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata. This year, this schedule is going to be held from May 5 to October 19, which is 110 days contained weekends mainly. It will be the longest schedule since they started to limit private car traffic in 1974.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of the Environment and Gunma Prefecture jointly decided the schedule for limiting private car traffic into the Gunma Prefecture side of Oze in Nikko National Park, which lies among over parts of the three prefectures of Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata. This year, the traffic control1 this schedule is going to be held from May 5 to October 19, which is 110 days containeding mainly weekends mainly. It will be the longest traffic control schedule since they started to limit private car traffic in 1974.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       the scheduleより、その内容にthe traffic controlにしたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of the Environment and Gunma Prefecture jointly decided the schedule for limiting private car traffic into the Gunma Prefecture side of Oze in Nikko National Park, which lies over parts of the three prefectures of Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata. This year, the traffic control is going to be held from May 5 to October 19, which is 110 days containing mainly weekends. It will be the longest traffic control since they started to limit private car traffic in 1974.

 

 

読者からの投稿 17(あんこ、1 May 10

 

The Ministry of the Environment and Gunma Prefecture announced a schedule of traffic regulation at Oze in Nikou National Park that extends across three prefectures: Gunma, Fukushima, and Niigata Prefectures. This traffic regulation controls the number of cars that enter the national park from Gunma Prefecture side only. This year, the traffic regulation will take effect from May 23 until October 19, but mainly on weekends. The period of the traffic regulation will count one hundred ten days that is the longest period since the traffic regulation started in 1974.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of the Environment and Gunma Prefecture jointly1 announced a schedule of traffic regulation at Oze in Nikou National Park that extends across three prefectures:,2 Gunma, Fukushima, and Niigata Prefectures3. This traffic regulation controls the number of cars that enter the national park from Gunma Prefecture side4 only. This year, the traffic regulation will be in place5 take effect from May 23 until October 19, but mainly on weekends. The period of the traffic regulation will be6 count one hundred and ten days that is the longest period since the traffic regulation started in 1974.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

jointlyをいれると環境省と群馬県が共同して、ということがわかります。

 

: の後にくるものが短いので簡単にコンマでよいでしょう。

 

Gunma, Fukushima, and Niigata PrefectureというようにPrefectureを省略しますが、ここでは既にthree prefecturesと言っているのでPrefectureも省略します。

 

文章ですでに「群馬、福島、新潟3県にまたがる日光国立公園」と言っているので、単にfrom Gunma Prefectureでわかります。こまかく説明するにはfrom the side of Gunma Prefectureとなります。

 

will take place on May 23 and continue until October 19とすると長くなるので、添削のほうが簡単です。

 

The period of the traffic regulationと期間だということがわかっているので添削のようになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of the Environment and Gunma Prefecture jointly announced a schedule of traffic regulation at Oze in Nikou National Park that extends across three prefectures, Gunma, Fukushima, and Niigata. This traffic regulation controls the number of cars that enter the national park from Gunma Prefecture only. This year, the traffic regulation will be in place from May 23 until October 19, mainly on weekends. The period of the traffic regulation will be one hundred and ten days that is the longest period since the traffic regulation started in 1974.

 

 

読者からの投稿 16(Tatsuo, 28 Jan 10

 

Ministry of the Environment and Gunma Prefecture decided about the schedule of vehicle controls that is the acceptance period to enter Oze from Gunma. Oze is located in Nikko National Park among three prefectures that are Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata. This year, the vehicle control is scheduling for 110 days from May 23 to October 19 and will be mainly enforced on weekends. The schedule of this year is the longest period since it started in 1974.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of the Environment and Gunma Prefecture jointly decided about a the schedule of vehicle controls that would be applied to private automobiles is the acceptance period to entering into Oze from the Gunma side. Oze is located in Nikko National Park and includes parts of the among three prefectures of that are Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata. This year, the vehicle control is schedulinged for 110 days from May 23 to October 19 and will be mainly enforced on weekends. The schedule of this year will is the longest period since it started in 1974.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、that is the acceptance period to enter Oze from Gunmaのところがわかりません。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of the Environment and Gunma Prefecture jointly decided about a schedule of vehicle control that would be applied to private automobiles entering into Oze from the Gunma side. Oze is located in Nikko National Park and includes parts of the three prefectures of Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata. This year, the vehicle control is scheduled for 110 days from May 23 to October 19 and will be mainly enforced on weekends. The schedule of this year will the longest period since it started in 1974.

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(Yoshi, 9 November 09

 

The Ministry of the Environment and Gunma prefecture decided the regulation of the schedule for private cars being allowed to drive from Gunma into Oze in Nikko National Park straddling Gunma, Hukushima and Niigata prefecture. You can drive there weekend from May 23th to October 19th for 110 days. The regulation in this time is the longest time since it started in 1974.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of the Environment and the Government of Gunma pPrefecture decided the regulation of the a schedule for restricting private cars from being allowed to driveing from the Gunma side into Oze in Nikko National Park that straddlinges three prefectures of Gunma, Hukushima and Niigata prefecture. You cannot drive into Oze there for 110 days mainly on the weekends from May 23thrd to October 19th for 110 days. The regulation restriction will in this time is be the longest time since it started in 1974.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、交通規制は自家用車の「乗り入れ禁止」のことだとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of the Environment and the Government of Gunma Prefecture decided a schedule for restricting private cars from driving from the Gunma side into Oze in Nikko National Park that straddles three prefectures of Gunma, Hukushima and Niigata. You cannot drive into Oze for 110 days mainly on the weekends from May 23rd to October 19th. The restriction will be the longest since it started in 1974.

 

 

読者からの投稿 14(mxtomi, 18 Aug 09

 

The Ministry of the Environment and the Gunma Prefecture have jointly announced the schedule for limiting private cars’ traffic from Gunma side into Oze in Nikko National Park which extends across Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata prefectures. The day of the restricted traffics centers around each weekend between May 23rd and October 19th and totals 110 days, the largest ever since the traffic restriction started in 1974.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of the Environment and the Government of Gunma Prefecture have jointly announced the a schedule for limiting private cars’ traffic from the Gunma side into Oze in Nikko National Park which extends across Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata prefectures. The days of the restricted traffics centers around each the weekends between May 23rd and October 19th and totalsing 110 days, the largest ever since the traffic restriction started in 1974.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Environment and the Government of Gunma Prefecture have jointly announced a schedule for limiting private cars’ traffic from the Gunma side into Oze in Nikko National Park which extends across Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata prefectures. The days of restricted traffic center around the weekends between May 23 and October 19 totaling 110 days, the largest ever since the traffic restriction started in 1974.

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(かい、30 June 08

 

The Ministry of Environment and the Gunma Prefectural Government decided the schedule for the regulation of car access to Oze, from Gunma, in Nikko National Park across the Fukushima, Gunma, and Niigata Prefecture. This year, they will enforce this regulation mainly on the weekend for 110 days, from May23 to October 19. This is the longest term among the regulation starting in 1974.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of Environment and the Gunma Prefectural Government have1 jointly decided the a schedule for the regulation of car access to Oze, in Nikko National Park from the Gunma side,2. in Nikko National Park is located across the Fukushima, Gunma, and Niigata Prefecture. This year, they will enforce this the regulation will be3 mainly enforced on the weekends for 110 days, from May 23 to October 19. This will be is the longest period term among since the regulation startinged in 1974.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、わからないところがあります。decided the schedule for the regulation of car access to Oze, from Gunma, in Nikko National Park across the Fukushima, Gunma, and Niigata Prefectureのところの地理関係がわかりません。

 

1.       この文脈では「日程を決めた」は実際に起こった日時は過去でも「日程の決定が完了した」という意味で現在完了形がよいでしょう。

 

2.       ここで文を切ると地理関係がはっきりします。

 

3.       一般に受動態より能動態のほうが内容がはっきりしますが、ここでは交通規制が要点なので、これを主語にして受動態にするのがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Environment and the Gunma Prefectural Government have jointly decided a schedule for the regulation of car access to Oze in Nikko National Park from the Gunma side.  Nikko National Park is located across Fukushima, Gunma, and Niigata Prefecture. This year,  the regulation will be mainly enforced on the weekends for 110 days from May 23 to October 19. This will be the longest period since the regulation started in 1974.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(kk, 14 February 08

 

The Ministry or the Environment and the government of Gunma Prefecture have decided the dates when private cars cannot enter from the Gunma side into Oze marsh in Nikko National Park, which spreads across Gunma, Fukushima, and Niigata Prefecture. This year, the period of the restriction will be 110 days, mainly in the weekends from May 23rd to October 19th, and will be the longest period since the restriction started in 1974.

 

添削

 

The Ministry or of the Environment and the gGovernment of Gunma Prefecture have jointly decided the dates when private cars cannot enter from the Gunma side into Oze mMarsh in Nikko National Park from the Gunma side, which spreads across Gunma, Fukushima, and Niigata Prefecture. This year, the period of the restriction will be 110 days, mainly in the weekends from May 23rd to October 19th, and will be the longest period since the restriction started in 1974.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。最後の文の内容の順序が分かりやすく整理されています。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Environment and the Government of Gunma Prefecture have jointly decided the dates when private cars cannot enter into Oze Marsh in Nikko National Park from the Gunma side, which spreads across Gunma, Fukushima, and Niigata Prefecture. This year, the period of the restriction will be 110 days, mainly in the weekends from May 23rd to October 19th, and will be the longest period since the restriction started in 1974.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(dunkel, 17 November 07

 

The Ministry of Environment and the Government of Gunma Prefecture decided the dates when every private car would be regulated to enter the Gunma Prefecture's side of Oze Marsh at Nikko National Park which spread between Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata Prefecture. It will have been regulated for 110 days picked up mainly from weekends between May 23 to October 19 this year. It will be the longest regulation period since 1974 when the regulation had started.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of Environment and the Government of Gunma Prefecture decided announced1 the dates when every private cars would be restricted regulated to enter the Gunma Prefecture's side of Oze Marsh at Nikko National Park from the Gunma side. Nikko National Park2 borders on which spread between Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata Prefecture. One hundred and ten days of the restriction3 were It will have been regulated for 110 days picked up mainly from the weekends between May 23 to October 19 this year. It will be the longest regulation period of restriction since 1974 when the restriction regulation had started.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、Oze Marsh at Nikko National Park which spread between Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata Prefectureでこれら三県に広がるのが尾瀬なのか日光国立公園なのか曖昧です。またIt will have been regulated for 110 days picked ~. Itが何をさすかわかりません。

 

1.       「日程を決めた」とありますが、「日程を公表した」と解釈したほうが内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       ここから新しい文にすると位置関係がはっきりします。

 

3.       The access will be restricted for 110 days that are picked up ~.とすることも出来ますが、添削の110日を強調する方法もあります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Environment and the Government of Gunma Prefecture announced dates when private cars would be restricted to enter Oze Marsh at Nikko National Park from the Gunma side. Nikko National Park borders on Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata Prefecture. One hundred and ten days of the restriction were picked up mainly from the weekends between May 23 to October 19 this year. It will be the longest period of restriction since 1974 when the restriction started.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(マーチャン、29 August 07

 

Oze in the Nikkou National Park extends from Gunma to Fukushima and Niigata Prefecture. The Ministry of the Environment and the Government of Gunma Prefecture decided a schedule for restricting cars entering Oze from Gunma Prefecture. This year, the restricted period will be 110 days that cover mainly weekends between May 23 and October 19. One hundred ten days will be the longest period since the restrictions of cars started in 1974.

 

添削

 

Oze in the Nikkou National Park extends from Gunma to Fukushima and Niigata Prefecture. The Ministry of the Environment and the Government of Gunma Prefecture decided a schedule for restricting cars entering Oze from Gunma Prefecture. This year, the restricted period will be 110 days that cover mainly weekends between May 23 and October 19. One hundred ten days will be the longest period since the restrictions of cars started in 1974.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。「環境省と群馬県は群馬、福島、新潟3県にまたがる日光国立公園の中の尾瀬」を一つの文にしたのがわかりやすいですね。

添削後の文章

 

Oze in Nikkou National Park extends from Gunma to Fukushima and Niigata Prefecture. The Ministry of the Environment and the Government of Gunma Prefecture decided a schedule for restricting cars entering Oze from Gunma Prefecture. This year, the restricted period will be 110 days that cover mainly weekends between May 23 and October 19. One hundred ten days will be the longest period since the restrictions of cars started in 1974.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(散歩人、18 April 07

 

Both Ministry of the Environment and Gunma Prefecture scheduled the traffic regulation which prohibit the use of private cars in the Nikko National Park located across Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata Prefectures. This year, the period of the traffic regulation is done for 110 days especially on weekends from May 23th to October 19th. The period of the regulation in this year becomes longest period in the regulation which started in 1974.

 

添削

 

Both The Ministry of the Environment and the Government1 of Gunma Prefecture jointly2 decided a scheduled for the traffic regulation which would prohibit the use of private cars in Oze of the Nikko National Park3 located across Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata Prefectures. This year, the period of the traffic regulation will be is done for 110 days centered around especially on the weekends from May 23thrd to October 19th. The period of the regulation in this year4 will be becomes the longest period  since in the regulation which started in 1974.

 

コメント

 

1.       Gunma Prefectureで文脈から群馬県庁とわかりますが、the Ministry of ~と対応してthe Government of ~としました。

 

2.       Both ~とすると、環境省と群馬県が共に(それぞれ)規制を決めた、という意味にも取れます。jointlyとすると「共同して規制を決めた」になります。

 

3.       投稿の表現で日本文の要旨はわかります。日本文には「日光国立公園の中の尾瀬への群馬県側のマイカー乗り入れ規制」とあり、福島県側からのマイカー乗り入れは規制の対象になっていないようです(福島県側から尾瀬へは道がありますが、はたして車が通れる道なのかどうかは確かめていません)。ここのところを表現すれば、the traffic regulation that would prohibit private cars from driving into Oze of the Nikko National Park (which is located across Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata Prefecture) from Gunma Prefecture. となります。

 

4.       this year「今年は」という副詞に使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of the Environment and the Government of Gunma Prefecture jointly decided a schedule for the traffic regulation which would prohibit the use of private cars in Oze of the Nikko National Park located across Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata Prefecture. This year, the period of the traffic regulation will be for 110 days centered around the weekends from May 23rd to October 19th. The period of the regulation this year will be the longest since the regulation started in 1974.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(吉、12 December 06

 

Ministry of the Environment and Gunma Prefecture have set the regulation date of private cars from Gunma Prefecture to Oze in the Nikko National Park stretching among Gunma, Fukushima and Niigate Prefecture. This regulation will start on 23rd of May and end on 19th of October, mainly fallinng on weekends. And it totals 110days. This is the longest duration since it started in 1974.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of the Environment and Gunma Prefecture have jointly set the a schedule that will prohibit regulation date of private cars from driving into the Gunma Prefecture side of to Oze1 in the Nikko National Park. The Nikko National Park2 stretchinges from among Gunma Prefecture, to Fukushima and Niigatea Prefecture. This regulation will start on the 23rd of May and end on the 19th of October, mainly fallinng falling on weekends. Aand it totals 110 days. This is the longest duration for the regulation since it started in 1974.

 

コメント

 

1.       規制の内容について、添削のような説明が必要でしょう。

 

2.       文が長くなるので、ここから新しい文にすると内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of the Environment and Gunma Prefecture have jointly set a schedule that will prohibit private cars from driving into the Gunma Prefecture side of Oze in the Nikko National Park. The Nikko National Park stretches from Gunma Prefecture to Fukushima and Niigata Prefecture. This regulation will start on the 23rd of May and end on the19th of October, mainly falling on weekends and it totals 110 days. This is the longest duration for the regulation since it started in 1974.

 

読者からの投稿 7(岩ちゃん、18 November 06

 

There is Oze in Nikkou National Park that extends through Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata Prefecture. The Ministry of the Environment and Gunma Prefecture decided the schedule of restricting that cars enter Oze from Gunma Prefecture. This year is 110 days that center at weekends between May 23 and October 19. One hundred ten days were the longest days in the regulations of cars that were started in 1974.

 

添削

 

There is Oze in the Nikkou National Park that extends through from1 Gunma, to Fukushima and Niigata Prefecture. The Ministry of the Environment and the Government of 2Gunma Prefecture decided the a schedule of for restricting that cars entering Oze from Gunma Prefecture. This year, the restricted period will be is 110 days that cover mainly3 center at weekends between May 23 and October 19. One hundred ten days were will be the longest days period since in the regulations restrictions of cars that were started in 1974.

 

コメント

 

1.       A extends from B to C. ABからCに延びている、という使い方です。

 

2.       ここは環境省(日本政府)と群馬県庁の両方がでてくるので、群馬県庁のほうはthe Government of Gunma Prefectureとするとはっきりします。

 

3.       「5月23日―10月19日の週末を中心とした110日間。」の英文表現は難しいですね。I centered the vase on the table. 私は花瓶をテーブルの中心に置いた。The vase was centered on the table. 花瓶はテーブルの中心に置かれた。というcenterの使い方はありますが、練習問題のような内容のときにはcenterは使いません。内容を取って、添削のように表現するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Oze in the Nikkou National Park extends from Gunma to Fukushima and Niigata Prefecture. The Ministry of the Environment and the Government of Gunma Prefecture decided a schedule for restricting cars entering Oze from Gunma Prefecture. This year, the restricted period will be 110 days that cover mainly weekends between May 23 and October 19. One hundred ten days will be the longest period since the restrictions of cars started in 1974.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(tange, 1 April 06

 

The Ministry of the Environment and Gunma Prefecture have settled a schedule of restriction period when you cannot drive into Oze in the Nikko National Park that extends Gunma, Hukushima and Niigata Prefecture. This restriction is concerned for the side of Gunma. These are 110 days long mainly on weekend between the 23rd of May and the 19th of October. It will be the longest periods since the restriction started in 1974. 

 

添削

 

The Ministry of the Environment and Gunma Prefecture have settled a schedule of for the restriction period when you cannot drive into Oze in the Nikko National Park that extends from Gunma, to HFukushima and Niigata Prefecture1. This restriction is concerned will apply to for the Gunma side of Gunma Oze. These areThe restriction2 will be 110 days, long mainly on weekends, between the 23rd of May and the 19th of October. It will be the longest periods since the restriction started in 1974. 

 

コメント

 

1.       The Pacific Ocean extends from the Japanese Archipelagoes to North America. The forests extends over 100 square kilometers.というように使います。The Nikko National Park extends over the boarder areas of Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata Prefecture.とも表現できます。福島県はFukushima Prefecture HuでなくFuと一般的に表現します。Mount Fujiも同じ例ですね。ローマ字のは行はha, hi, hu, he, hoですから、fuとするのは不思議ですね。英語の発音でhuman, hugeのようにhuはヒューと発音されることが多いので、fuとしたのかとも思いましたが、ではfuse, fumeはどうだということになります。fullはフですが。日本語の福岡の発音は下唇に前歯を軽く添えたfuではなくて、口をすぼめて息を出すhuですから、どうしてFukuokaなのでしょうね。

 

2.       文章に既にthe restriction periodが出てくるので、同じ言葉を使うとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of the Environment and Gunma Prefecture have settled a schedule for the restriction period when you cannot drive into Oze in the Nikko National Park that extends from Gunma to Fukushima and Niigata Prefecture. This restriction will apply to the Gunma side of Oze. The restriction will be 110 days, mainly on weekends, between the 23rd of May and the 19th of October. It will be the longest periods since the restriction started in 1974. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(rikarika, 16 August 05

 

Ministry of Environment and the Gunma Prefecture decided dates when they would limit the number of private cars entering into Oze from Gunma side. Oze is in the National Park of Nikko that locates over Gunma prefecture, Fukushima prefecture and Nigata prefecture. 100days, mainly weekends from May 23 to October 9, are going to be limited this year. This is the longest term of limitation since 1974, the control has started.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of Environment and the Gunma Prefecture decided dates when they would limit the number of private cars entering into Oze from the Gunma side. Oze is located in the National Park of Nikko that locates1 covers parts of over Gunma prefecture, Fukushima prefecture and Niigata pPrefectures. Altogether one hundred100days2, mainly weekends from between May 23 to and October 9, are going to be limited this year. This is the longest term period of limitation since 1974, when the control has started.

 

1.       自動詞としてのlocateHis flower shop locates in front of a railway station.のように「〜に店を開く、〜に引っ越す」の意味なので、添削のようにしました。

 

2.       100 days ~と文を数字で始めると、これが文の始まりとわかり難くなります。One hundred days ~としますが、これでもすこし唐突な感じなので、Altogether one hundred days ~としました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Environment and the Gunma Prefecture decided dates when they would limit the number of private cars entering into Oze from the Gunma side. Oze is located in the National Park of Nikko that covers parts of Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata Prefectures. Altogether one hundred days, mainly weekends between May 23 and October 9, are going to be limited this year. This is the longest period of limitation since 1974 when the control started.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(かっぱん、12 April 05

 

The Ministry of Environment and the Government of Gunma Prefecture announced the schedule for regulating private car access to Oze from Gunma side. Oze is in Nikko National Park which is in the tri-prefectural area of Gunma, Fukushima, and Niigata. This year the period is 110 days, mainly for the weekends between May 23 and October 19. This is the longest period since the regulation started in 1974.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of Environment and the Government of Gunma Prefecture announced the schedule for regulating private car access to Oze from the Gunma side. Oze is in Nikko National Park which is in the tri-prefectural1 area of Gunma, Fukushima, and Niigata2. This year the access regulation3 period is will be 110 days, mainly for the weekends between May 23 and October 19. This is will be the longest period since the regulation started in 1974.

 

コメント

 

1.       prefectural は普通の英語辞書に出ていない単語なのですが、すでに一般化しているので使用してよいと思います。

 

2.       いろいろな情報が詰まった日本文なので、英文で表現するときには内容の整理が必要です。かっぱんさんは上手に整理しています。「新潟3県にまたがる日光国立公園の中の尾瀬」をin the tri-prefectural areaという表現を使ったのは独創的ですね。

 

3.       補足説明を加えたほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Environment and the Government of Gunma Prefecture announced the schedule for regulating private car access to Oze from the Gunma side. Oze is in Nikko National Park which is in the tri-prefectural area of Gunma, Fukushima, and Niigata. This year the access regulation3 period will be 110 days, mainly for the weekends between May 23 and October 19. This will be the longest period since the regulation started in 1974.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、4 July 04

 

Ministry of the Environment and Gunma Prefecture have fixed the schedule for regulating private cars coming from Gunma Prefecture to Oze in Nikko National Park, which extends across three prefectures: Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata. The regulation of this year will last for 110 days, focusing on the weekends during the period between May 23 and October 19. This will be the longest one since the start of the regulation of private cars in 1974.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of the Environment and the Government of1 Gunma Prefecture have jointly fixed decided the a schedule for regulating restricting2 private cars coming from Gunma Prefecture to Oze in Nikko National Park, which extends across three prefectures,:3 Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata. This year, Tthe regulation restriction of this year will last for 110 days, focusing on the weekends during the period between May 23 and October 19. and This will be the longest one since it started the start of the regulation of private cars in 1974.

 

コメント

 

1.       通常はGunma Prefectureだけで群馬県庁を指しますが、ここではthe Ministry of the Environmentと形を合わせるためにthe Government of Gunma Prefectureにしました。

 

2.       Restrictingとすると意味が明確になります。

 

3.       コロンは例を挙げる場合にも使いますが、この文章では最後の部分だけの例になっており、またコロンで文に(気持ちとして)長い休止符を入れるより、コンマで短い休止符を入れたほうが、文の流れがよくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of the Environment and the Government of Gunma Prefecture have jointly decided a schedule for restricting private cars coming from Gunma Prefecture to Oze in Nikko National Park, which extends across three prefectures, Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata. This year, the restriction will last for 110 days, focusing on the weekends during the period between May 23 and October 19 and will be the longest since it started in 1974.

 

 

読者から投稿 2 (tama, 28 March 04)

 

The Ministry of Environment and Gunma Prefecture Government decided the day when family cars' drive into Oze of Gunma side in Nikko national park is  restricted.. Oze marsh is in some area of three prefectures of Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata

 

This year, the period is for 110 days and is conducted mainly at the weekend on May 23 to October 19. This period will become the longest in the restriction of family car's drive since the restriction started in 1974,

 

添削

 

The Ministry of Environment and Gunma Prefecture the Government of Gunma Prefecture1 have2 decided the a period3 day when family cars' cannot4 drive into Oze in Nikko National Park from of the Gunma side5 in Nikko national park is  restricted.. The Oze marsh is located in some the area of covering some parts of three prefectures of Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata

 

This year, the period is for 110 days and is conducted mainly at including the weekends on from May 23 to October 19. This period will become the longest in the restriction of family car's cars’ access to the park drive since the restriction started in 1974.,

 

コメント

 

1.       The Ministry of Environmentと形式をあわせるためにはthe Government of Gunnma Prefectureがよいです。同じ文の中に似た名詞がいくつか出てくるときは、表現形式を同じにすると読者にわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       「いろいろ議論してきたがやっと決まった」という感じにするには現在完了形を使います。現在完了形は時間的な内容を表示するより、ある動作が決定した、ということを強調するときに使います。 単に、decidedですと「このようなことが、漠然とした過去のあるときに(この文には日時の表示がありません)決まった」となります。

 

3.       次の段落でperiod となっているので、それにあわせます。

 

4.       cannot drive into ~と能動態で表現するとis restricted と受動態で表現するよりわかりやすくなります。

 

5.       「日光国立公園の中の尾瀬への群馬県側」は英語で表現するときにどこから始めるかむずかしいですね。基本は一番大事なものを最初に持ってくる(他のことを省略しても意味の通じるもの)です。この場合は尾瀬ですね。Cannot drive into Ozeだけでも大切な内容が読者に伝わります。他はおまけでcannot drive into Oze in Nikko National Park from the Gunnma sideとなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Environment and the Government of Gunma Prefecture have decided a period  when family cars cannot drive into Oze in Nikko National Park from the Gunma side The Oze marsh is located in the area covering some parts of three prefectures of Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata

 

This year, the period is for 110 days mainly including weekends from May 23 to October 19. This period will become the longest in the restriction of family cars’ access to the park since the restriction started in 1974.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Sue, 14 Feb 03

 

The Ministry of Environment and the Government of Gunma Prefecture has jointly decided a schedule that will restrict the number of cars that can drive into Oze from the Gunma side. Oze is in Nikko National Park that borders on Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata Prefectures. This year, the number of cars will be restricted for 110 days, mainly for the weekends between May 23 and October 19. This will be the longest duration of restriction since it started in 1974.

 

添削

 

The Ministry of Environment and the Government of Gunma Prefecture has jointly decided announced 1a schedule that will restrict the number of cars that can drive into for restricting automobile access to2 Oze from the Gunma side. Oze is in Nikko National Park that borders on Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata Prefectures. This year, the number of cars automobile access will be restricted for 110 days, mainly for the weekends between May 23 and October 19. This will be the longest duration of restriction since it started in 1974.

 

コメント

 

「〜の日程を決めた」とありますが、「決めてから発表した」のがこの記事なので has decidedよりhas announcedのほうが適当でしょう。

 

The Ministry of Environment and the Government of Gunma Prefecture has jointly decided a schedule that will restrict the number of cars that can drive into Oze from the Gunma side.

の下線部分「群馬県側のマイカー乗り入れ規制」を良く説明しています。関係代名詞が二つ重なるので、添削例のように短くすることも出来ます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Ministry of Environment and the Government of Gunma Prefecture has jointly announced a schedule for restricting automobile access to Oze from the Gunma side. Oze is in Nikko National Park that borders on Gunma, Fukushima and Niigata Prefectures. This year,  automobile access will be restricted for 110 days, mainly for the weekends between May 23 and October 19. This will be the longest duration of restriction since it started in 1974.

 

 

練習問題 29

 

宇宙開発事業団は12月10日午後5時20分、種子島宇宙センターから国産ロケット「H2A」3号機を打ち上げ、2機の人工衛星を予定の軌道に投入し、3回連続で打ち上げに成功した。

 

読者からの投稿 22(owl, 21 December 13

 

Japan Aerospace exploration Agency launched the domestically-developed H2A No.3 rocket from the Tanegashima Space Center at 5:20 p.m. on December 10th and put two artificial satellites into orbit as planned, succeeding in launching a rocket three times in a row.]

 

添削

 

The Japan Aerospace Development exploration Agency launched the domestically-developed H2A No.3 rocket from the Tanegashima Space Center at 5:20 p.m. on December 10th and put two space artificial satellites into their orbits as planned, succeeding in launching the1 a rocket three times in a row.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       この型のロケットということが大切なので定冠詞にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Japan Aerospace Development Agency launched the domestically-developed H2A No.3 rocket from Tanegashima Space Center at 5:20 p.m. on December 10th and put two space satellites into their orbits as planned, succeeding in launching the rocket three times in a row.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 21(sasuke, 15 November 13

 

National Space Development Agency of Japan launched a domestically-developed rocket, which is called the third "H2A", from Tanegashima Space Center at 5:20 p.m. on December 10. The rocket put two space satellites into the planned orbit, and the launches have been succeeded in three times in a row.

 

添削

 

The National Space Development Agency of Japan launched a domestically-developed rocket, which is called the third "H2A", from its Tanegashima Space Center at 5:20 p.m. on December 10. The rocket put two space satellites into the planned orbits., The Agency and the launches have been succeeded1 in launching the rocket in three times in a row.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       動作の主体(宇宙開発事業団)を文の主語にすると内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The National Space Development Agency of Japan launched a domestically-developed rocket, the third "H2A", from its Tanegashima Space Center at 5:20 p.m. on December 10. The rocket put two space satellites into the planned orbits. The Agency succeeded in launching the rocket three times in a row.

 

 

読者からの投稿 20(文月、22 September 13

 

At 5:20 p.m. on December 10th, National Space Development Agency of Japan launched a domestically-developed rocket, H2A the third, from Tanegashima Space Center and placed two satellites in their planned orbits. The agency has succeeded in launch three times in a row.

 

添削

 

At 5:20 p.m. on December 10th, the National Space Development Agency of Japan launched a domestically-developed rocket, H2A the tThird, from the Tanegashima Space Center and placed two satellites in their planned orbits. The agency has succeeded in launching the rocket three times in a row.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

At 5:20 p.m. on December 10th, the National Space Development Agency of Japan launched a domestically-developed rocket, H2A the Third, from the Tanegashima Space Center and placed two satellites in their planned orbits. The agency has succeeded in launching the rocket three times in a row.

 

 

読者からの投稿 19(Valley winds, 28 March 12

 

National Space Development Agency of Japan launched the H2A domestically-developed rocket on December 10 at 5:20 p.m. from the Tanegashima Space Center. They put two satellites in the planed orbit and has successfully launched satellites three times in a row.

 

添削

 

The1 National Space Development Agency of Japan launched the a H2A domestically-developed rocket on December 10 at 5:20 p.m. from the Tanegashima Space Center. They put The rocket put two satellites in their planed orbits. and The Agency has successfully launched satellites three times in a row.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The1 National Space Development Agency of Japan launched a H2A domestically-developed rocket on December 10 at 5:20 p.m. from the Tanegashima Space Center. The rocket put two satellites in their planed orbits. The Agency has successfully launched satellites three times in a row.

 

 

読者からの投稿 18(あんこ、4 May 10

 

National Space Development Agency of Japan (NASDA) launched Japan-made third rocket H2A at 17:20 on December 10 from Tanegashima Space Center in Kagoshima. The rocket carried two satellites and got them into a nominal orbit. Now NASDA successfully launched rockets three times in a row.

 

添削

 

The National Space Development Agency of Japan (NASDA) launched the Japan-made third rocket H2A rocket, that was made in Japan1, at 17:20 on December 10 from the Tanegashima Space Center in Kagoshima. The rocket carried two satellites and got them into a their planned nominal orbits. Now NASDA successfully launched the rockets2 three times in a row.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「国産ロケットH2A3号機」の英文表現が難しいですね。日本語の特徴は名詞を重ねた複合名詞が多く、複合名詞の中の「国産」は名詞ですが、漢字が動詞も含んでいます。英文では名詞をつなげただけでは名詞の間の関係がはっきりしなくなります。the H2A rocket, the third H2A rocketまではよいですが、「国産」を入れる場所が難しいです。the third made-in-Japan H2A rocketとすると「国産のロケットとして三番目」になってしまいます。the made-in-Japan third H2A rocketとするとthirdが何の三番目なのかはっきりしません。表現は長くなりますが、添削のようにすれば内容ははっきりします。

 

2.       launched rockets three times in a rowとすると「複数のロケットを三回続けて発射した」となります。添削のようにすると「この同じロケットH2Aを三回続けて発射した」になります。英語の定冠詞、不定冠詞はこういう内容の時に役立ちます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The National Space Development Agency of Japan (NASDA) launched the third H2A rocket, that was made in Japan, at 17:20 on December 10 from the Tanegashima Space Center in Kagoshima. The rocket carried two satellites and got them into their planned  orbits. Now NASDA successfully launched the rocket three times in a row.

 

 

読者からの投稿 17(Tatsuo, 3 February 10

 

The Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency launched the domestic production rocket, which was named the third “H2A”, from the Tanegashima Aerospace Center on December 10 at 5:20 pm. The third H2A put two satellites in the planed orbit. The Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency has succeeded in a launch three consecutive times.      

 

添削

 

The Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency launched the a domestic production rocket, which was made in Japan1 and named the third “H2A”, from the Tanegashima Aerospace Center at 5:20 pm on December 10 at 5:20 pm. The third H2A put two satellites in their planed orbits. The Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency has succeeded in a launching the rocket three consecutive times.      

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       launched a domestic rocketと最初の文にでてくると、はてこのdomesticとはなんのことなのかと疑問におもいます。which節の中でwhich was made in Japanと補足的に説明したほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency launched a  rocket, which was made in Japan and named the third “H2A”, from the Tanegashima Aerospace Center at 5:20 pm on December 10. The third H2A put two satellites in their orbits. The Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency has succeeded in  launching the rocket three consecutive times.      

 

 

読者からの投稿 16(9 November 09

 

National Development Agency of Japan launched a domestic rocket No.3 [H2A] and put two artificial earth satellites into projected orbit and succeeded in the launch for third time in a row.

 

添削

 

The National Space Development Agency of Japan launched a domestic rocket No.3 [H2A] and put two artificial earth satellites into their projected orbits. The Agency and succeeded in the launch for three third times in a row.

 

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、固有名詞を間違えると内容がまったくわからなくなりますから注意してください。

 

添削後の文章

 

The National Space Development Agency of Japan launched a domestic rocket No.3 H2A and put two artificial satellites into their projected orbits. The Agency succeeded in the launch for three times in a row.

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(mxtomi, 18 August 09

 

At 17:20 on December 10th, the National Space Development Agency of Japan launched a domestically-developed H2A No.3 rocket from Tanegashima Space Center, thereby sending two satellites in the planned orbits. This is the agency’s third straight success in launching the rocket.

 

添削

 

At 17:20 on December 10th, the National Space Development Agency of Japan launched a domestically-developed H2A No.3 rocket from the Tanegashima Space Center, thereby sending two satellites into the planned orbits. This was is the agency’s third straight success in launching the rocket.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

At 17:20 on December 10th, the National Space Development Agency of Japan launched a domestically-developed H2A No.3 rocket from the Tanegashima Space Center, thereby sending two satellites into the planned orbits. This was the agency’s third straight success in launching the rocket.

 

 

読者からの投稿 14(かい、2 June 08

 

National Space Development Agency of Japan had launched the rocket“H2A No.3”, made in Japan, from Tanegashima Space Center at 5:20 p.m. on December 10 , and throwed two artificial satellite into the orbit after that. As a result of it, they have succeeded at the launch for three years running.

 

添削

 

The1 National Space Development Agency of Japan had launched a the rocket, “H2A No.3,, which was made in Japan, from the Tanegashima Space Center at 5:20 p.m. on December 10. , and The rocket placed  throwed two artificial satellites into the their orbits after that. Now As a result of it, the Agency they have succeeded in at the launching the rocket three times in a row for three years running.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが、日本文には「3回連続で」とありますから、for three years running とは違うようです(一年に一回打ち上げたのなら計算は合いますが。)

 

1.       一般的に固有名詞は定冠詞が付くものが多いですが、付かないものもあります。最初は付けていたのが、この名称が広く使われるようになって定冠詞が落ちる、というようになるようです。

 

添削後の文章

 

The National Space Development Agency of Japan launched a rocket, “H2A No.3,” which was made in Japan, from the Tanegashima Space Center at 5:20 p.m. on December 10.   The rocket placed two artificial satellites into their orbits. Now the Agency have succeeded in  launching the rocket three times in a row .

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(kk, 20 February 08

 

The National Space Development Agency of Japan launched a domestic H2-A No.3 rocket from the Tanegashima Space Center at 5:20 p.m. on December 10 and threw the two space satellites into the intended orbit. They succeeded in launching the rocket for the third time in a row.

 

添削

 

The National Space Development Agency of Japan launched a domestic H2-A No.3 rocket from the Tanegashima Space Center at 5:20 p.m. on December 10 and threw placed the two space satellites into their intended orbits. They succeeded in launching the rocket for the third time in a row.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The National Space Development Agency of Japan launched a domestic H2-A No.3 rocket from the Tanegashima Space Center at 5:20 p.m. on December 10 and placed two space satellites into their intended orbits. They succeeded in launching the rocket for the third time in a row.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(dunkel, 20 November 07

 

On 5:20 p.m. December 10, National Space Development Agency of Japan launched the H2-A No.3 rocket at Tanegashima Space Center and succeeded in getting into orbit two satellites. The H2-A rocket was made in Japan and succeeded in launching three times consecutively.

 

添削

 

On 5:20 p.m. December 10, the National Space Development Agency of Japan launched the  H2-A No.3 rocket at from the Tanegashima Space Center and succeeded in getting two satellites into their orbits two satellites. The H2-A rocket was made in Japan and succeeded in launching three times consecutively.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On 5:20 p.m. December 10, the National Space Development Agency of Japan launched  H2-A No.3 rocket from the Tanegashima Space Center and succeeded in getting two satellites into their orbits. The H2-A rocket was made in Japan and succeeded in launching three times consecutively.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(マーチャン、29 August 07

 

The National Space Development Agency of Japan launched "H2A- No.3”, a domestically-developed rocket from the Tanegashima Space Center at 5:20 p.m. on December 10. Two space satellites were put into the pre-determined orbits. The agency succeeded in launching the rocket three times in a row.

 

添削

 

The National Space Development Agency of Japan launched "H2A- No.3”, a domestically-developed rocket, from the Tanegashima Space Center at 5:20 p.m. on December 10. Two space satellites were put into the pre-determined orbits. The agency succeeded in launching the rocket three times in a row.

 

添削

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。「国産ロケット「H2A」3号機」を"H2A- No.3”, a domestically-developed rocketと表現したのがわかりやすいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

The National Space Development Agency of Japan launched "H2A- No.3”, a domestically-developed rocket, from the Tanegashima Space Center at 5:20 p.m. on December 10. Two space satellites were put into the pre-determined orbits. The agency succeeded in launching the rocket three times in a row.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(散歩人、19 April 07

 

National Space Development Agency of Japan launched the artificial satellite H2A No.5 made in Japan at 5:20 p.m. on December 10, and made three successive success in putting a satellite into orbital around the Earth .

 

添削

 

The National Space Development Agency of Japan launched the artificial satellite1 H2A No.35 , a made in Japan rocket, at 5:20 p.m. on December 10, and made three successive success in putting a two satellites into their orbitals around the Earth . The Agency succeeded in launching the rocket three times in a row.

 

コメント

 

1.       H2A No.3はロケットで、このロケットに2機の人工衛星が搭載されていました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The National Space Development Agency of Japan launched the H2A No.3 , a made-in-Japan rocket, at 5:20 p.m. on December 10 and put two satellites into their orbits around the Earth. The Agency succeeded in launching the rocket three times in a row.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(吉、13 December 06

 

The National Space Development Agency of Japan has successfully launched the H2A No.3 rocket domestically developed from Tanegashima Space Center at 5:20 pm on December and put 2 satellites into the prescheduled orbit. This means that the Agency marked a successful launch for the third time in a row.

 

添削

 

The National Space Development Agency of Japan has successfully launched the H2A No.3 rocket, which was domestically developed1, from the2 Tanegashima Space Center at 5:20 pm on December and put 2 two3 satellites into the prescheduled orbits. This means that the Agency marked a successful launch for the third time in a row.

 

コメント

 

1.       「国産ロケット」の国産を文のどこに入れるか考えますね。launched the H2A No.3 rocket domestically developed from the Tanegashima Space Center ~としても内容はわかりますが、長い文の中にdomestically developedが挿入されていて少し文の流れが乱れるように思います(すぐ近くに動詞のlaunched があるためでしょう)。添削のように挿入節にして、文に区切りを入れるか、それともlaunched the home-made H2A No.3 rocketとしたほうがよいとおもいます。

 

2.       固有名詞は一般的に定冠詞が付きますが、通称として定冠詞をつけないものも多く有り、どちらにするか簡単にはわかりません。種子島宇宙センターのホームページで調べてみると定冠詞を付けていました。

 

3.       一桁の数字は英単語で書いたほうが文が自然に見えます(私の読んだ英文ではこのような表記法の方が多かった、という意味の「自然」です)。

 

添削後の文章

 

The National Space Development Agency of Japan has successfully launched the H2A No.3 rocket, which was domestically developed, from the Tanegashima Space Center at 5:20 pm on December and put two satellites into the prescheduled orbits. This means that the Agency marked a successful launch for the third time in a row.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(岩ちゃん、18 November 06

 

National Space Development Agency of Japan launched "H2A" No.3, a domestically-developed rocket from Tanegashima Space Center at 5:20 p.m. on December 10. Two space satellites were put in the predeterminate orbit. The agency succeeded in launch three time in a row.

 

添削

 

The National Space Development Agency of Japan launched "H2A"- No.31, a domestically-developed rocket from theTanegashima Space Center at 5:20 p.m. on December 10. Two space satellites were put into the pre-determinateed orbits. The agency succeeded in launching2 the rocket three times in a row.

 

コメント

 

1.       「H2A」3号機はthe third H2A rocketとしてもよいですが、一号機、二号機、三号機とそれぞれが少しずつ違っていてユニークならば、H2A-No.3とするのもよいでしょう。

 

2.       succeed in launching the rocketとするのが一般的です。

 

添削後の文章

 

The National Space Development Agency of Japan launched "H2A- No.3”, a domestically-developed rocket from the Tanegashima Space Center at 5:20 p.m. on December 10. Two space satellites were put into the pre-determined orbits. The agency succeeded in launching the rocket three times in a row.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(tange, 1 April 06

 

The National Space Development Agency of Japan launched a domestic rocket called “H2A” the third from the Tanegashima Space Center at 5:20 p.m. on the 10th of December. And after orbit injection by 2 artificial satellites, they became successful launching the rocket three times in raw.

 

添削

 

The National Space Development Agency of Japan launched a domestic rocket called “H2A the Thirdthe third from the Tanegashima Space Center at 5:20 p.m. on the 10th of December . Aand succeeded in placing after orbit injection by 2 artificial satellites in the orbits1., they The Agency became had made three2 successful launchings the rocket three times in a raw row.

 

コメント

 

1.       ロケットの打ち上げと衛星の軌道投入は一連のプログラムなので、一つの文にするのがよいでしょう。

 

2.       The Agency finally became successful in launching the rocket.「事業団はやっとロケットの打ち上げに成功するようになった。」と表現できますが、ちょっと日本文の内容と違ってきます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The National Space Development Agency of Japan launched a domestic rocket called “H2A the Third” from the Tanegashima Space Center at 5:20 p.m. on the 10th of December and succeeded in placing 2 artificial satellites in the orbits. The Agency had made three successful launchings the rocket in a row.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(rikarika, 16 August 05

 

National Space Development Agency of Japan (NASDA) launched domestic rocket, No.3 ‘’H2A’’ from Tanegashima Space Center on December 10th 5:20pm. As NASDA put two artificial satellites in scheduled orbit, they have made it for three times in a row.

 

添削

 

The National Space Development Agency of Japan (NASDA) launched a domestic rocket, No.3 ‘’H2A Number 3’’ from the Tanegashima Space Center at 5:20 pm1 on December 10th 5:20pm. As NASDA had already2 put two artificial satellites in the scheduled orbit, now they have made it successful launching of the rocket3 for three times in a row.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文では普通、時間、日付の順序になります。

 

2.       they have madeより過去の時間なので過去完了形で表現します。

 

3.       代名詞より内容を説明した名詞句のほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The National Space Development Agency of Japan (NASDA) launched a domestic rocket,  ‘’H2A Number 3’’ from the Tanegashima Space Center at 5:20 pm on December 10th . As NASDA had already put two artificial satellites in the scheduled orbit, now they have made successful launching of the rocket for three times in a row.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(かっぱん、12 April 05

 

At 5:20 pm on December 10, The National Space Development Agency of Japan (NASDA) succeeded in launching the third model of the domestically developed rocket "H2A" from Tanegashima Space Center, and orbiting two artificial satellites as planned. Now the agency succeeded in launching rocket three times in row.

 

添削

 

At 5:20 pm on December 10, The National Space Development Agency of Japan (NASDA) succeeded in launching the third model of the domestically developed rocket "H2A" from the Tanegashima Space Center,1 and orbiting two artificial satellites as planned. Now the aAgency2 succeeded in launching the rocket three times in a row.

 

コメント

 

1.       succeeded in launching ~ and orbiting ~と続くのでカンマは入れません。

 

2.       The National Space Development Agency of Japanが既出なのでthe Agencyとするほうがはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

At 5:20 pm on December 10, The National Space Development Agency of Japan (NASDA) succeeded in launching the third model of the domestically developed rocket "H2A" from the Tanegashima Space Center and orbiting two artificial satellites as planned. Now the Agency succeeded in launching the rocket three times in a row.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3 (マウント60、6 July 04)

 

National Space Development Agency of Japan launched Rocket No. 3 of the domestically-developed "H2A" from the Tanegashima Space Center at 5:20 p.m. on December 10, putting two artificial satellites into the scheduled orbit. They succeeded in three launches in a row.

 

添削

 

The National Space Development Agency of Japan launched Rocket No. 3 of the domestically-developed "H2A" rocket from the Tanegashima Space Center at 5:20 p.m. on December 10,and deployed1 putting two artificial satellites into on the scheduled orbits. They The Agency2 has now succeeded in launching3 the rocket three times three launches in a row.

 

コメント

 

1.       andを入れたほうが時間的関係がはっきりします。

 

2.       短い文章ですが、固有名詞を繰り返したほうが内容が明確になります。

 

3.       Succeeded in launching the rocketとするとlaunchingが同盟しなので名詞のlaunchより印象が強くなります。またH2A型ロケットを3回続けて、とthe rocketを入れたほうが内容が明確になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The National Space Development Agency of Japan launched Rocket No. 3 of the domestically-developed "H2A" rocket from the Tanegashima Space Center at 5:20 p.m. on December 10and deployed two artificial satellites on the scheduled orbits. The Agency has now succeeded in launching the rocket three times in a row.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2 (tama, 31 March 04)

 

At five twenty in the evening of Dec. 10, National Space Development Agency of Japan launched the domestically-developed rocket of No.3 H2A from Tanegashima Space Center.

 

And the agency deployed two satellites on planned orbit and succeeded in launching rocket three times in a row.

 

添削

 

At five twenty in the evening of December1 10, 2002, the National Space Development Agency of Japan launched the third model of the a domestically-developed H2A rocket of No.3 H2A from the Tanegashima Space Center and succeeded2 in .

 

And the agency deployed two deploying two satellites on the planned orbits. and The Agency3 succeeded in launching the rocket three times in a row.

 

コメント

 

1.       文章の中では(表の中ではすることもありますが)毎月に名称には省略語を使用しないほうが文が確っかりとします(省略語を使うと安っぽい感じになります)。

 

2.       ここは内容が緊密につながっているのでandで連結したほうがわかりやすなります。

 

3.       ここでは内容が一応切れるので新しい文にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

At five twenty in the evening of December 10, 2002, the National Space Development Agency of Japan launched the third model of a domestically-developed H2A rocket from the Tanegashima Space Center and succeeded in deploying two satellites on the planned orbits. The Agency succeeded in launching the rocket three times in a row.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Machida, 19 Feb 03

 

At 5:20 p.m. on December 10, the National Space Development Agency of Japan launched the third model of Japanese rocket H2A from Tanegashima Space Center and succeeded in placing two satellites in their orbits. Now the Agency succeeded in launching the rocket three times in a row.

 

添削

 

At 5:20 p.m. on December 10, 2002, the National Space Development Agency of Japan launched the third model of the Japanese rocket H2A from the Tanegashima Space Center and succeeded in placing placed two satellites in their separate orbits1. Now the Agency has succeeded in launching the rocket three times in a row.

 

コメント

 

日本文は長い一つの文なので、どこで小文にわけたらよいか工夫が必要です。ロケットの打ち上げと人工衛星を軌道に投入することが、連続した一つの内容ですから、Machidaさんのように小文に分けるのが適当です。英語の最後の文に前の文とのつなぎを良くするためにNowをいれたのがよかったですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

At 5:20 p.m. on December 10, 2002, the National Space Development Agency of Japan launched the third model of the Japanese rocket H2A from the Tanegashima Space Center and  placed two satellites in their separate orbits. Now the Agency has succeeded in launching the rocket three times in a row.

 

 

練習問題 30

 

小児科をなくす病院がふえている。厚生労働省の調べによると、小児科がある病院は、1990年の4,119から2000年には3,474に減少した。子どもの数が少なくなったこと、小児科医者がたりないことが主な原因である。

 

読者からの投稿 24(だっち、5 July 14

 

The number of hospital which closes the department of pediatrics has increased. According to the survey of Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare, the number of hospital with the department of pediatrics decreased from 4,119 in 1990 to 3,474 in 2000. The primary reasons of this reduction are incriminated to the declining birth-rate and the shortage of pediatrician.

 

添削

 

The number of hospitals which closes the department of pediatrics has been increaseding. According to the a survey by the of Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare, the number of hospitals with the department of pediatrics decreased from 4,119 in 1990 to 3,474 in 2000. The primary reasons for of this reduction are incriminated to the declining birth- rate and the shortage of pediatricians.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of hospitals which close the department of pediatrics has been increasing. According to a survey by the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare, the number of hospitals with the department of pediatrics decreased from 4,119 in 1990 to 3,474 in 2000. The primary reasons for this reduction are the declining birth rate and the shortage of pediatricians.

 

 

読者からの投稿 23(owl, 21 December 13

 

More and more hospitals are closing their pediatric departments. According to a survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare, the number of hospitals with pediatric department has decreased to 3,474, down from 4,119 in 2000. This is mainly because there are fewer children and not enough pediatricians these days.

 

添削

 

More and more hospitals are closing their pediatric departments. According to a survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare, the number of hospitals with a pediatric department has decreased to 3,474, down from 4,119 in 2000 to 3,474 in 2000. This is mainly because there are fewer children and not enough pediatricians these days.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

More and more hospitals are closing their pediatric departments. According to a survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare, the number of hospitals with a pediatric department has decreased from 4,119 in 2000 to 3,474 in 2000. This is mainly because there are fewer children and not enough pediatricians these days.

 

 

読者からの投稿 22(sasuke, 20 November 13

 

The number of hospitals that close their pediatric department is increasing. According to a research by Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare, the number of hospitals that have their pediatric departments decreased from 4,119 in 1990 to 3,474 in 2000. The major reasons of that are decreasing the number of children, and lack of pediatricians.

 

添削

 

The number of hospitals that close their pediatric departments is increasing. According to a research by the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare, the number of hospitals that have a their pediatric departments decreased from 4,119 in 1990 to 3,474 in 2000. The major reasons of that are the decreasing the number of children, and lack of pediatricians.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of hospitals that close their pediatric departments is increasing. According to a research by the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare, the number of hospitals that have a  pediatric department decreased from 4,119 in 1990 to 3,474 in 2000. The major reasons  are the decreasing number of children and lack of pediatricians.

 

 

読者からの投稿 21(文月、25 September 13

 

More and more hospitals give up the pediatrics department. According to the survey by the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare, the number of hospitals with a pediatrics department decreased from 4,119 in 1990 to 3,474 in 2000. Major causes are decrease in children , shortage of pediatricians and so on.

 

添削

 

More and more hospitals give up a the pediatrics department. According to a the survey by the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare, the number of hospitals with a pediatrics department decreased from 4,119 in 1990 to 3,474 in 2000. Major causes are a decrease in the number of children and, a shortage of pediatricians and so on.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       And so on は内容の無いおまけなので要りません。

 

添削後の文章

 

More and more hospitals give up a pediatrics department. According to a survey by the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare, the number of hospitals with a pediatrics department decreased from 4,119 in 1990 to 3,474 in 2000. Major causes are a decrease in the number of children and a shortage of pediatricians.

 

 

読者からの投稿 20(Valley winds, 28 March 12

 

Many hospitals close its pediatric department. According to a Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare survey, the number of hospitals with pediatric department dropped 3,474 in 2000 from 4,119 in 1990. The main causes are a decrease in the number of children and a shortage of pediatric doctor.

 

添削

 

Many hospitals close its their pediatric departments. According to a Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare survey, the number of hospitals with a pediatric department dropped 3,474 in 2000 from 4,119 in 1990. The main causes are a decrease in the number of children and a shortage of pediatric doctor.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Many hospitals close their pediatric departments. According to a Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare survey, the number of hospitals with a pediatric department dropped 3,474 in 2000 from 4,119 in 1990. The main causes are a decrease in the number of children and a shortage of pediatric doctor.

 

 

読者からの投稿 19(あんこ、8 May 10

 

More hospitals are closing their pediatric departments. According to a survey conducted by the Ministry of Labor, Health, and Welfare, 4,119 hospitals had pediatric departments in 1990, but by 2000, the number of the pediatric departments became 3,474. The leading causes are declining population of children and a shortage of pediatricians.

 

添削

 

More and more1 hospitals are closing their pediatric departments. According to a survey conducted by the Ministry of Labor, Health, and Welfare, 4,119 hospitals had pediatric departments in 1990, but by 2000, the number of the pediatric departments became decreased to 3,474. The leading causes are have been2 the declining population of children and a shortage of pediatricians.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「どんどん増えている」というときには添削のような表現をつかいます。

 

2.       このような状態がずっと続いてきたので現在完了進行形を使うとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

More and more hospitals are closing their pediatric departments. According to a survey conducted by the Ministry of Labor, Health, and Welfare, 4,119 hospitals had pediatric departments in 1990, but by 2000, the number of the pediatric departments decreased to 3,474. The leading causes have been2 the declining population of children and a shortage of pediatricians.

 

 

読者からの投稿 18(あすか、11 February 10

 

The number of hospitals that shut down the pediatric department, has been increasing. According to a survey by the Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry, hospitals with a pediatric department were down from 4,119 in 1990 to 3,474 in 2000. The major reasons are the decline in the number of children and the shortage of pediatricians.

 

添削

 

The number of hospitals that shut down the pediatric department, has been increasing. According to a survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry, hospitals with a pediatric department were went1 down from 4,119 in 1990 to 3,474 in 2000. The major reasons are the decline in the number of children and the shortage of pediatricians.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       be動詞より自動詞のほうが印象が強くなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of hospitals that shut down the pediatric department has been increasing. According to a survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare , hospitals with a pediatric department went down from 4,119 in 1990 to 3,474 in 2000. The major reasons are the decline in the number of children and the shortage of pediatricians.

 

 

読者からの投稿 17(Tatsuo, 3 February 10

 

It has increased that many hospitals close pediatrics. According to the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare, the number of hospitals with pediatrics was in decline from 4,119 in 1990 to 3,474 in 2000. These are main reasons that one is decreasing a children population, the other reason is a lack of pediatrician.

 

添削

 

It has increased that mMany hospitals have closed their pediatrics departments1. According to the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare, the number of hospitals with a pediatrics department was in declined2 from 4,119 in 1990 to 3,474 in 2000. These are The main reasons were3 that one is a decreasing a children population of children and , the other reason is a lack shortage of pediatricians.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、英文の構造が不正確でわからないところがあります。

 

1.       「小児科をなくす病院がふえている。」はAn increasing number of hospitals are closing their pediatric departments.と日本文に近い表現の仕方もありますが、日本文の内容を取って「多くの病院が小児科を閉鎖した。」と解釈して添削のように平易に表現しても良いでしょう。

 

2.       was in declineよりdeclinedと動詞にに使うほうが直截な表現です。

 

3.       「主な原因」を主語にしてThe main reasons are ~.とするろ簡単な表現になります。英文の主語を何にしたら一番簡単な文型で内容が表現できるか考えるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Many hospitals have closed their pediatric departments. According to the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare, the number of hospitals with a pediatric department declined from 4,119 in 1990 to 3,474 in 2000. The main reasons were a decreasing population of children and  a shortage of pediatricians.

 

 

読者からの投稿 16(Yoshi, 10 November 09

 

A Hospital without pediatric department has increased. A survey conducted by the Health, Labour and Welfare Ministry, hospitals with pediatric department decreased from 4,119 in 1990 to 3,474 in 2000. There two reasons that most of people don't want to be a pediatrician and the number of children decreased.

 

添削

 

A The number of Hhospital without a pediatric department has been increaseding1. According to Aa survey conducted by the Health, Labour and Welfare Ministry, hospitals with a pediatric department decreased from 4,119 in 1990 to 3,474 in 2000. There are two major reasons for the decrease: that most physicians of people don't want to become a pediatrician and the number of children have decreased.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、There two reasons that most of people don't want to be a pediatrician and the number of children decreased.が分かり難いです。

 

1.       現在も続いている現象なのでhas been decreasingがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of hospital without a pediatric department has been increasing. According to a survey conducted by the Health, Labour and Welfare Ministry, hospitals with a pediatric department decreased from 4,119 in 1990 to 3,474 in 2000. There are two major reasons for the decrease: most physicians don't want to become a pediatrician and the number of children have decreased.

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(mxtomi, 18 August 09

 

An increasing number of hospitals have been closing their pediatric department. A survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare has shown a drastic decrease in the number of hospital with a pediatric department, from 4,119 in 1990 to 3,474 in 2000. Chiefly contributing to the decrease are a declining population of children and a shortage of pediatricians.

 

添削

 

An increasing number of hospitals have been closing their pediatric department. A survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare has shown a drastic decrease in the number of hospitals with a pediatric department, from 4,119 in 1990 to 3,474 in 2000. The main reasons1 for Chiefly contributing to the decrease are a declining population of children and a shortage of pediatricians.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       この表現のほうが平明でしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

An increasing number of hospitals have been closing their pediatric department. A survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare has shown a drastic decrease in the number of hospitals with a pediatric department, from 4,119 in 1990 to 3,474 in 2000. The main reasons for the decrease are a declining population of children and a shortage of pediatricians.

 

 

読者からの投稿 14(かい、3 July 08

 

Hospitals with no pediatric service are increasing. According to the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare, hospital with pediatric service have decreased from 4,119 in 1990 to 3,474 in 2000. The main reasons are the decreasing number of children and the shortage of pediatrician.

 

添削

 

Hospitals with no pediatric service are increasing1. According to the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare, hospital with pediatric services have decreased from 4,119 in 1990 to 3,474 in 2000. The main reasons are the decreasing number of children and the shortage of pediatricians.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「小児科をなくす病院がふえている。」は「小児科を閉じる病院がふえている。」ということでしょうから、「閉じる」という状況を強調するには、An increasing number of hospitals are closing down their pediatric services.というような表現になるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Hospitals with no pediatric service are increasing. According to the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare, hospital with pediatric services have decreased from 4,119 in 1990 to 3,474 in 2000. The main reasons are the decreasing number of children and the shortage of pediatricians.

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(kk, 20 February 08

 

A rising number of hospitals have been closed their pediatric department. According to a survey by the Health, Labor, and Welfare Ministry, the number of hospitals with a pediatric department has decreased from 4,119 in 1990 to 3,474 in 2000, depending mainly on the reduction of the number of both children and pediatricians.

 

添削

 

An increasing rising number of hospitals have been closed closing their pediatric department. According to a survey by the Health, Labor, and Welfare Ministry, the number of hospitals with a pediatric department has decreased from 4,119 in 1990 to 3,474 in 2000, depending mainly because of 1on the reduction of the number of both children and pediatricians.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       原因をしめすのでbecause ofにします。

 

添削後の文章

 

An increasing number of hospitals have been closing their pediatric department. According to a survey by the Health, Labor, and Welfare Ministry, the number of hospitals with a pediatric department has decreased from 4,119 in 1990 to 3,474 in 2000, mainly because of the reduction of the number of both children and pediatricians.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(dunkel, 20 November 07

 

The number of hospitals which close the pediatric service are increasing. According to the survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare of Japan, the number of the hospitals which had the pediatric service decreased from 4,119 on the year 1994 to 3,474 on the year 2000 because of the decreasing number of children and the shortage of pediatricians.

 

添削

 

The number of hospitals which close the pediatric service are is1 increasing. According to the a survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare of Japan, the number of the hospitals which had have the pediatric service decreased from 4,119 in on the year 1994 to 3,474 in on the year 2000 because of the decreasing number of children and the shortage of pediatricians.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       The number of hospitalsと主語にしたときにthe numberのほうに重点があるか、hospitalsのほうに重点があるかで、動詞が単数、複数になります。ここではthe numberに重点があります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of hospitals which close the pediatric service is increasing. According to a survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare of Japan, the number of the hospitals which have the pediatric service decreased from 4,119 in 1994 to 3,474 in 2000 because of the decreasing number of children and the shortage of pediatricians.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(マーチャン、29 August 07

 

Hospitals which close their pediatric department are increasing. According to a survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare, the number of hospitals with a pediatric department decreased from 4,119 in 1990 to 3,474 in 2000. The main reasons are that the number of children decreases and that pediatric doctors are lacking.

 

添削

 

Hospitals which close their pediatric department are increasing. According to a survey by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare, the number of hospitals with a pediatric department decreased from 4,119 in 1990 to 3,474 in 2000. The main reasons are that the number of children is decreasing1 decreases and that pediatric doctors are in short supply2 lacking.

 

コメント