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初級練習問題の添削 20

 

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長崎県は重要な政策の立案にあたり、ひろく県民の声を反映させるために、「パブリック コメント」制度を用いている。そして政策決定のあとで、どのような県民の意見を政策に反映できたか、また出来なかったかを公表している。

 

読者からの投稿 25(owl, 15 December13

 

Nagasaki Prefecture adopts the "public comment" system to reflect many different opinions of residents of the prefecture when it formulates an important policy. Also, after it has decided the policy, it makes public what opinions are included in the policy and and what are not.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture adopts a the "public comment" program1 system to reflect many different opinions of the residents of the prefecture when it formulates an important policy. Also, after it has decided the policy, it makes public which what opinions are included and which are not in the policy and and what are not.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       A systemを組織全体に関するおおきなものを指します。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture adopts a "public comment" program to reflect many different opinions of the residents of the prefecture when it formulates an important policy. Also, after it has decided the policy, it makes public which opinions are included and which are not in the policy.

 

 

読者からの投稿 24(sasuke, 25 September 13

 

Nagasaki Prefecture adopts public comment system at devising critical policies for reflecting citizens opinions extensively. After deciding policies, they disclose what kinds of opinions could be adopted and what kinds of opinions couldn't.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture adopts a public comment program1 system when introducing at devising critical policies to for reflecting citizens opinions extensively. After deciding policies, they disclose what kinds of opinions have been could be adopted and what kinds of opinions have not couldn't.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       このような小規模のものはa programにします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture adopts a public comment program when introducing critical policies to  reflect citizens’ opinions extensively. After deciding policies, they disclose what kinds of opinions have been adopted and what kinds of opinions have not .

 

 

読者からの投稿 23(文月、7 September 13

 

Nagasaki Prefecture adopts "public comment" system in order to reflect wide variety of opinions from citizens on making of its important policies. After policy decision, the prefecture announces what kind of opinions have been able to or not able to be reflected to the policies.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture adopts the "public comment" program1 system in order to reflect a wide variety of opinions from its citizens on making of its important policies. After a policy decision is made, the prefecture announces what kind of opinions have been able to or not able to be reflected on to the policyies2.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       日本文では良く「制度」を使いますが、大概の場合はある特別な計画のことで、英語はa system ではなくa programになります。A systemは国民保険、立憲君主制のような大きなものになります。

 

2.       個別の政策にしたほうが具体的になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture adopts the "public comment" program in order to reflect a wide variety of opinions from its citizens on its important policies. After a policy decision is made, the prefecture announces what kind of opinions have been able to or not able to be reflected on  the policy.

 

 

読者からの投稿 22(Valley winds, 10 March 12

 

Nagasaki prefecture adopts Public Comment so that it reflects wide public opinion to important policies. After the decision of the policy, it announces what opinion reflected to the policy or it couldn’t do.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki pPrefecture is using adopts the Public Comments” program so that it can reflects wide public opinions to on its important policies. After a new the decision of the policy is decided, the prefectural government it announces which public what opinions are reflected on to the policy or it couldn’t do.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       After decision of the policyという副詞句よりも、After a new policy is decidedという修飾節のほうが内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is using the “Public Comments” program so that it can reflect wide public opinions on its important policies. After a new policy is decided, the prefectural government announces which public opinions are reflected on the policy.

 

 

読者からの投稿 21(あんこ、4 April 10

 

Making significant plans on its policy, the Government of Nagasaki Prefecture employs the public comment program to listen to the voice of the residents and take it in to the policy. After a plan passes through, Nagasaki Prefecture releases what kinds of public comments are reflected and not reflected on the policy.

 

添削

 

When1 Mmaking significant plans on its policy, the Government of Nagasaki Prefecture employs a2 the public comment program to listen to the voices of its the residents and take them it into consideration to the policy. After a plan passes through the legislature2, Nagasaki Prefecture releases what kinds of public comments are reflected and not reflected on the policy.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       When the government makes a plan, ~の省略形式ですからWhen making a policywhenを残します。The government makes a new policy on smoking and prevents secondary smoking at public places.のような文ならば、Making a new policy, the government prevents secondary smoking at public places.となります。

 

2.       文章に初めて出てくるのでa です。

 

3.       議会を通過する、ですからthe legislature (長崎県議会)を入れます。文章に初めてでてきますが、文脈から長崎県議会のわかるのでtheになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

When making significant plans on its policy, the Government of Nagasaki Prefecture employs a public comment program to listen to the voices of its residents and take them  into consideration. After a plan passes through the legislature, Nagasaki Prefecture releases what kinds of public comments are reflected and not reflected on the policy.

 

 

読者からの投稿 20(Tatsuo, 19 January 20

 

When the local government of Nagasaki works out an important policy, they adopt “a Public Comment system” in order to widely reflect the public requests from the inhabitants of Nagasaki. After decided the policy, the office has announced to inhabitants what kind of public opinions they could reflect or not. 

 

添削

 

When the local gGovernment of Nagasaki1 develops works out an important policy, it uses they adopt the a Public Comment systemprogram2 in order to widely reflect the public opinions on the policy requests from the inhabitants of Nagasaki. After the government decideds the policy3, it tells the residents the office has announced to inhabitants which what kind of public opinions are they could reflected or and which are not. 

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、they adopt “a Public Comment system” in order to widely reflect the public requests from the inhabitants of Nagasaki.のところが分かり難いです。

 

1.       日本政府と対比するとa local governmentですが、ここではthe Government of Nagasakiでよいでしょう。これが長崎市であれば、the municipal government of the City

2.       of Nagasaki, または単にthe City of Nagasakiになります。

 

3.       このような「制度」はa system(もっと範囲の広いもの、根本的なものにつかいます。the Japanese political system)。このようなものはa programというのが一般的です。

 

4.       この制度の説明なので現在形がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

When the Government of Nagasaki develops an important policy, it uses the “ Public Comment ” program in order to widely reflect public opinions on the policy. After the government decides the policy, it tells the residents which public opinions are reflected and which are not. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 19(mxtomi, 7 July 09

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is employing “Public Comment” system in a bid to extensively reflect the residents’ voices on the planning process of key policies. After policy decisions are made, the prefecture makes it known to them how their voices have been incorporated in the new policies.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is employing the “Public Comment” program system1 in a bid to extensively reflect their residents’ voices on the planning process of key policies. After policy decisions are made, the prefecture makes announces it known to them how their voices have been incorporated in the new policies.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       日本文では「制度」を良く使いますが、この例題のような制度は英文ではa programになります。a systemはもっと基本的で広範囲のもの、たとえば県議会制度のようなときに使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is employing the “Public Comment” program in a bid to extensively reflect their residents’ voices on the planning process of key policies. After policy decisions are made, the prefecture makes announces how their voices have been incorporated in the new policies.

 

 

読者からの投稿 18(かい、6 Aug 08

 

When the Nagasaki Prefecture plans the important policy, they apply “The Public Comment” system to the deciding policy in order to reflect the peoples' opinions to the policy. Moreover, after they decide the policy, they announce whether opinions are reflect or not.

 

添削

 

When the Nagasaki Prefecture plans the an1 important policy, they use apply “The Public Comment” program system to the deciding policy in order to reflect the residents’ 2peoples' opinions on to the policy. Moreover, after they decide the policy, they announce which whether opinions are reflected and which opinions are or not reflected on the policy3.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       始めて文章にでてくるので不定冠詞にします。

 

2.       people’s opinionsでもよいですが、residents’ opinionsとすると長崎県民の意見ということがはっきりします。

 

3.       どの意見が政策に反映し、どの意見が反映しないか、というにはwhichがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

When Nagasaki Prefecture plans an important policy, they use “The Public Comment” program in order to reflect residents’ opinions on the policy. Moreover, after they decide the policy, they announce which opinions are reflected and which opinions are not reflected on the policy.

 

 

読者からの投稿 17(kk, 3 February 08

 

Nagasaki Prefecture adopts 'public comment' system in order to reflect the residents' voices broadly when they have to lay down the important policies. After the decision of those policies, the prefectural administration announces which public opinions they could have reflected or not in the policies.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture adopts the 'public comment' program system in order to broadly reflect the residents' voices to its policies broadly when they have to lay down the important policies. After the decision of those policies are made1, the prefectural administration announces which public opinions they could or could not have reflected or not to in the policies.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       句より節にしたほうが、文章の後半とのバランスがよくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture adopts the 'public comment' program in order to broadly reflect residents' voices to its policies when they have to lay down important policies. After those policies are made, the prefectural administration announces which public opinions they could or could not have reflected to the policies.

 

 

読者からの投稿 16(dunkel, 7 November 07

 

Nagasaki Prefectural government introduces a public comment system to reflect many different opinions of local residents when the government try to make an important policy. The government also announces the result of the system whether they can reflect the opinions or not after deciding the policy.

 

添削

 

The Nagasaki Prefectural gGovernment has introducesd1 a public comment program system to find out2 reflect many different opinions of local residents when the government tryis to make an important policy. The government also announces the results of the program system whether or not local residents have been able3 to they can reflect their opinions on government policies or not after deciding the policy policies are decided.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが whether they can reflect the opinions or not after deciding the policy. の時制が現在形なので、事柄の順序がわかり難いです。

 

1.       既に行っているプルグラムなの現在完了形にします。

 

2.       reflect their opinions on policiesと続きます。この文ではwhen the government try to make an important policyと続くので、to find out opinions when ~と続きます。

 

3.       現在完了形でannounceより前の事象を示します。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Nagasaki Prefectural Government has introduced a public comment program to find out  many different opinions of local residents when the government tries to make an important policy. The government also announces the results of the program whether or not local residents have been able to reflect their opinions on government policies after the policies are decided.

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(マーチャン、25 August 07

 

When the Government of Nagasaki Prefectural makes important policies, it uses the "public comment" system to widely reflect opinions of local residents. After deciding the policies, the prefectural government officially announces which opinions are reflected to the policies and which are not.

 

添削

 

When the Government of Nagasaki Prefectural makes important policies, it uses the "public comment" system to widely reflect opinions of local residents. After deciding the policies, the prefectural government officially announces which opinions are reflected to the policies and which are not1.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の総てがわかります。わかりやすい英文です。

 

添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 14(散歩人、14 April 07

 

Nagasaki Prefecture uses the system of "Public Comments", in order to reflect the requests of most residents of the prefecture, when the prefectural assembly decides the important policy. After the policy setting, the prefectural assembly says whether such a requests of residences can be reflected or not.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture uses the a program called system of1 "Public Comments", in order to widely reflect the requests opinions of most the residents of the prefecture on prefectural policies2, when the prefectural assembly decides the important policyies. After the a new policy setting is decided, the prefectural assembly says announces whether which3 opinions such a requests of residences the residents are can be reflected on the new policy and which are or not.

 

コメント

 

1.       日本文に「制度」とありますが、a systemは機構全体の構成に関するような大きなものをさすので、具体的な「制度」はa programがよいでしょう。

 

2.       reflect A on Bという形なので、ここでもBに当たるものを入れます。

 

3.       「どのような県民の意見を」とありますから、「どの意見を取り入れ、どの意見を取り入れないかを」と表現するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture uses a program called "Public Comments" in order to widely reflect  opinions of the residents of the prefecture on prefectural policies when the prefectural assembly decides important policies. After a new policy is decided, the prefectural assembly announces which opinions of the residents are reflected on the new policy and which are  not.

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(吉、29 November 06

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has implemented a system "Public Comment" to widely reflect residents' opinion in the policymaking process over critical issues. Once a policy decision is made, administrative officers review its process and announce whether or not these opinions have been reflected on the policy.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has implemented a system program1 called "Public Comments" in order2 to widely reflect residents' opinions in on the policymaking process over for critical issues. Once a policy decision is made, administrative officers the prefecture3 reviews its process and announces whether or not these opinions have been reflected on the policy4.

 

コメント

 

1.       a systemはもっと大規模なもの、例えば県の財政のようなものを指します。問題のような「制度」はa programがよいでしょう。

 

2.       ここで文の内容が一段落していますね。するとto widely reflect ~と続けると、息が切れる感じになるので、一息入れるようにin order to widely reflect ~とするとよいでしょう。文章は眼で読みますが、頭の中で声を出しているので、文章のリズムも大切です。英作文が完成したら、声に出して読んでみるとよいでしょう。

 

3.       Nagasaki Prefectureが長崎県庁を指すので、どうようにthe prefectureも長崎県庁を指します。もっとはっきりと書くには、the Government of Nagasaki Prefecture, the governmentと表現します。

 

4.       「どのような県民の意見を政策に反映できたか、また出来なかったかを公表している。」とありますから、この意見は取り入れたが、この意見は取り入れなかった、ということを公表するようですね。投稿の文では意見全体を取り入れたか取り入れなかったかになります。~ announces which opinions have been and which ones have not been reflected on the policy.とするとこのことがはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has implemented a program called "Public Comments" in order to widely reflect residents' opinions on the policymaking process for critical issues. Once a policy decision is made, the prefecture reviews its process and announces whether or not these opinions have been reflected on the policy.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(岩ちゃん、5 November 06

 

When Nagasaki prefectural government makes important policies, it has "public comment" system to widely reflect inhabitants' opinions. After deciding the policies, the prefectural government officially announces whether any inhabitants' opinions could be reflected to the policies or not.

 

添削

 

When the Government of Nagasaki pPrefectural government makes important policies, it has uses the "public comment" system to widely reflect inhabitants' opinions of local residents. After deciding the policies, the prefectural government officially announces whether which opinions are any inhabitants' opinions could be reflected to the policies or and which are1 not.

 

コメント

 

1.       「どのような県民の意見を政策に反映できたか、また出来なかったか」は「どの意見が政策に反映され、どの意見が反映されなかった」とするとわかりやすくなります。政策が決定された時点より前に県民の意見を検討するわけですが、ここではこのシステムの一般的な記述として動詞は現在形にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

When the Government of Nagasaki Prefectural makes important policies, it uses the "public comment" system to widely reflect opinions of local residents. After deciding the policies, the prefectural government officially announces which opinions are reflected to the policies and which are not.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(だっち、10 October 06

 

The adoministration of Nagasaki Prefecture adopts the system of “Public Comment” to reflect voice of inhabitants of the prefecture well when it works out important policies. After the decisions of policies, the administration discloses what opinions it could reflect on policies, or not.

 

添削

 

The adoministration Government1 of Nagasaki Prefecture adopts the system of “Public Comment” to reflect voices of the citizens inhabitants of the prefecture well when it works out important policies. After the government makes decisions of policies2, the administration it discloses what which opinions it could reflect on the policies and which ones it could, or not3.

 

コメント

 

1.       the Governmentとするほうが意味がはっきりします。

 

2.       名詞句より、このように従属文にしたほうが内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

3.       which opinions、とどの意見を採用して、どの意見を採用しなかった、とすると内容が具体的になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Government of Nagasaki Prefecture adopts the system of “Public Comment” to reflect voices of the citizens of the prefecture well when it works out important policies. After the government makes policies, it discloses which opinions it could reflect on the policies and which ones it could not.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(バリコ、23 March 06

 

Nagasaki Prefecture uses a so-called “Public Comment” system. This system is useful to reflect widely the voices of the citizens on planning an important policy. After making a decision of the policy, Nagasaki Prefecture usually announces which opinions of the citizens could be considered on the policy or which could not.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture uses a so-called “Public Comment” system. This system is useful to reflect widely the voices of the citizens on planning an important policy1. After making a decision of on the policy, Nagasaki Prefecture usually announces which opinions of the citizens could have been and which have not been be taken into consideredation2 on the policy or which could not.

 

コメント

 

1.       「長崎県は重要な政策の立案にあたり、ひろく県民の声を反映させるために、パブリック コメント制度を用いている。」を「長崎県はパブリック コメント制度を用いている。」、「この制度は県民の声を広く政策立案に反映させるためにに有効である。」の二つの文に分けて英文で表現しているので、文の構造がきっちりとしてわかりやすくなりましたね。

 

2.       ここでは現在完了形を使うと、「公表する」前にこのことがら起こったという時間関係がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture uses a so-called “Public Comment” system. This system is useful to reflect widely the voices of the citizens on planning an important policy. After making a decision on the policy, Nagasaki Prefecture usually announces which opinions of the citizens have been and which have not been taken into consideration.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(tange, 12 March 06

 

Nagasaki Prefecture adopts a Public Comment system to reflect a verity of opinions by the civilian when Nagasaki draws out important polices. Also after decision making Nagasaki announces to the public which opinions they take and which one they don’t. 

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture adopts a Public Comment system to reflect a verity variety of opinions by the civilian residents1 when Nagasaki it draws out plans to implement important polices. Also after When policies are decided2 decision making ,Nagasaki Prefecture3 announces to the public which opinions they have4 take into consideration and which ones they don’t have not. 

 

コメント

 

1.       civilian vs. militaryというように使うので、ここでは住民、市民はresidentsがよいでしょう。

 

2.       after decision makingでもよいですが、when policies are decidedとすると、前の文にpoliciesが出ているので、それとの関連でわかりやすくなります。

 

3.       英字新聞でTokyo, Washington, Beijingなどと日本政府、、アメリカ政府、中国政府を指す使い方がありますが、Nagasakiはそれほどの普遍性がありませんから、Nagasaki Prefectureとするのがよいでしょう。

 

4.       現在完了形にすると、when policies are decidedの時点より一つ前に時点を指します。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture adopts a Public Comment system to reflect a variety of opinions by the residents when it plans to implement important polices. When policies are decided, Nagasaki Prefecture announces to the public which opinions they have take into consideration and which ones they have not. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(rikarika, 9 August 05

 

Nagasaki prefectural government takes ‘public comment’ system to reflect their citizen’s opinion in making important policy. After making policy decision, they release what opinion were reflected or not to the policy.

 

添削

 

The Nagasaki prefectural government takes uses a ‘public comment’ system to reflect1 take their citizen’s opinions into consideration in making an important policy. After making the policy decision, they release what which2 opinions were have been or have not been reflected or not to on the policy.

 

コメント

 

1.       reflect A on B「BをAに反映させる」なので、ここではtake A into consideration「Aを考慮する」にしました。

 

2.       どの意見を考慮し、どの意見を考慮しなかったか選んだわけなので、what よりwhichが良いです。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Nagasaki prefectural government uses a ‘public comment’ system to take their citizen’s opinions into consideration in making an important policy. After making the policy decision, they release which opinions have been or have not been reflected on the policy.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(Kappa2005, 16 July 05

 

Nagasaki Prefecture applies a system of the Public Comments to respect for wide opinions of local people in planning the important policy.

 

After making the policy, the local government publishes how and why the opinions of the people were taken or not

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture applies a system of the Public Comments to respect1 listen to for wide opinions of local people in planning the an important policy.

 

After making the policy, the local government publishes announces how and why the opinions of the people were have been taken into consideration2 or not

 

コメント

 

1.       respectは概念が大まかなのでもっと具体的なlisten to ~のしました。

 

2.       how the opinions of the people were taken or notor notとは続かないので省略しました。どの意見が採用されどれが採用されなかったか、をはっきりと表現するには次のような言い方があります。the local government announces which opinions have or have not been taken into consideration.

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture applies a system of Public Comments to listen to wide opinions of local people in planning an important policy.

 

After making the policy, the local government announces how and why the opinions of the people have been taken into consideration.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(オーピー、30 May 05

 

In Nagasaki prefecture when government officers are going to make important measures they express outline of measure and widely offer various opinion about it from the people who live in there. Those opinions are used as referential. After those measures are made, they announce how such opinions have been reflected the measures or not.

 

添削

 

In Nagasaki pPrefecture1 when government officers are going to make important policy measures2, they express publicize3 the outline of the policy measure and widely offer invite various opinions about it from the from people who live in there the prefecture4. Those opinions are used as referential references. After government decisions on6 those policy measures are made, they the government officers7 announce how such opinions have been reflected on the policy measures8 or not9.

 

コメント

 

1.       長崎県はNagasaki Prefecture またはthe Prefecture of Nagasakiと表現します。これで「長崎県庁」の意味にもなります。

 

2.       measures (手段、方法)だけでは一般的過ぎるので policy measuresとすると良いでしょう。

 

3.       express the outline of the policy measures (その政策の概要を表明する)だと一般的過ぎるので、publicize (公表する)と具体的に表現したほうが良いでしょう。

 

4.       the prefectureと既出の言葉を使うと、対象がはっきりします。短い文章でもなるべく代名詞を使わないほうが内容が誤解無く読者に伝わります。

 

5.       それらの政策についての決定がされた後で、と補足して英文で表現すると内容がはっきりします。

 

6.       ここも代名詞ではなく既出の言葉を使うと誰のことかはっきりします。

 

7.       これはわかりやすい表現ですね。または whether or not such opinions have been reflected on the policy measuresとします。

 

添削後の文章

 

In Nagasaki Prefecture when government officers are going to make important policy measures, they publicize the outline of the policy measure and widely invite various opinions from people who live in the prefecture. Those opinions are used as references. After government decisions on those policy measures are made, the government officers announce how such opinions have been reflected on the policy measures.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(かっぱん、12 April 05

 

To reflect the voices of local citizens in important policy makings, Nagasaki Prefecture utilizes a system called “Public Comment”. Also the prefecture announces what kind of opinions are or are not reflected on policies after the decisions are made.

 

添削

 

To reflect the voices of local citizens in on important policy makings1, Nagasaki Prefecture utilizes a system called “Public Comment”. Also tThe prefecture also announces what kind of opinions are or are not reflected on policies after the decisions are made.

 

コメント

 

1.       「重要な政策の立案にあたり、ひろく県民の声を反映させるために」を「県民の声を重要な政策の立案に反映するために」と解釈することによってTo reflect the voices of local citizens on important policy makingとわかりやすく表現できましたね。この日本文では「県民の声を反映させる」が主要部分で「反映させる」にreflect A on Bという形の英文を使うと、Aが「県民の声」でさてBは何かとかんがえます。ここでBが「重要な政策の立案」だと思い当たればかっぱんさんのような英文の表現になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

To reflect the voices of local citizens on important policy making, Nagasaki Prefecture utilizes a system called “Public Comment”. The prefecture also announces what kind of opinions are or are not reflected on policies after the decisions are made.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4 (マウント60、30 June 04)

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has adopted the "Public Comment" system in order to reflect a wide variety of opinions voiced by its residents in planning important policies. And after policy decisions are made it is announced that what people's opinions were or were not reflected on policies.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture1 has adopted the "Public Comment" system in order to reflect a wide variety of opinions voiced by its residents in its planning of important policies. And2 aAfter policy decisions are made, the prefecture3 announces which it is announced that what people's opinions were or were are or are not reflected on policies.

 

コメント

 

1.       「長崎県は」は「長崎県県庁は」のことですが、英文でもNagasaki Prefecturethe Government of Nagasaki Prefectureを示すことができます。

 

2.       Andを文頭において前の文との関連を示す使い方も現在は増えています。しかしこの例ではafterがその役目をしているので、andは省略したほうが良いでしょう。

 

3.       The prefectureを主語にすると前の文とのつながりもよくなり、文が簡単になります。政策決定、公表という時間的順序になりますが、現在も行われている事なので、すべて現在形にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has adopted the "Public Comment" system in order to reflect a wide variety of opinions voiced by its residents in its planning of important policies. After policy decisions are made, the prefecture announces which opinions are or are not reflected on policies.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3 (tama, 1 March 04)

 

The prefectural system , “ Public Comments" is implemented in Nagasaki Prefecture in order to reflect prefectural inhabitants opinion to its own Prefectural policy in planning important policy.

 

And the opinions which were reflected or were not reflected to the policies have been announced after having decided them on the basis of the system.

 

添削

 

The prefectural system1 , A“ Public Comments" system is implemented in Nagasaki Prefecture in order to reflect prefectural inhabitants2 opinions from the public to on important its own Pprefectural policiesy in planning important policy.

 

And Whether any specific the opinions which were are3 reflected or were not reflected to on the policies will have been announced after having decided them on the basis of the system decisions are made4.

 

コメント

 

1.       the prefectural systemというと県全体の行政システムという感じになります。パブリック・コメント制度はそれほど大げさなものではないようなのでa “Public Comment” systemでよいでしょう。

 

2.       To reflect prefectural inhabitants” opinions on policyとすると下線の部分に名詞が三つつながります。英文は名詞が長くつながるのを嫌うので添削のようにしました。

 

3.       現在もこの制度が使われているので、現在形で表現します。Opinions will be announced after decisions are made.とすると時間的な関係がはっきりします。Tamaさんは二つの段落で表現していますが、二つの段落の内容は密接に連絡しているので、一つの段落にしたほうが良いでしょう。

 

4.       Tamaさんは日本文の内容を受動態で表現しています。受動態は内容に客観性を持たせるときに使いますが、この日本文の内容は特に客観性、主観性にこだわる必要の無いものなので能動態で表現しても良いでしょう。次のようになります。

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has implemented a “Public Comments” system to reflect opinions from the public to its policy. The prefecture will announce whether or not any specific opinion is reflected on policy after actual decision is made.

 

 

添削後の文章

 

A “ Public Comment" system is implemented in Nagasaki Prefecture in order to reflect opinions from the public on important prefectural policies. Whether any specific opinions are reflected or not reflected on the policies will announced after decisions are made.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(tonton, 1 May 03

 

In Nagasaki Prefecture when an important policy is being formed, the prefectural government uses a system called "Public Comments" to order to extensively reflect comments of the public in it.  After the policymaking they announce what kinds of comments they could reflect in the new policy and also what kinds they couldn't. 

 

添削

 

In - Nagasaki Prefecture1 when an important policy is being formed, the prefectural government- uses a system called "Public Comments" in to order to extensively reflect comments of from the public in it when it decides an important policy. After a decision is made,  they it will announce what kinds of comments2 they could are reflected in the new policy and also - what kinds they couldn't are not. 

 

コメント

 

1.       ここでは長崎県を主語にして、「長崎県はパブリック コメント制度を用いている」という主題を文の最初に持ってくると、文全体が簡潔になります。修飾節が最初に来る日本文と主題を文の最初に持ってくる英文の構造の相違を覚えると英文を書くことが楽になります。

 

2.       Tontonさんの文でも内容はわかります。添削のように名詞節の中の主語をcommentsにするともっとわかりやすくなると思います。「動作の主体を主語にする」というプレイン イングリッシュの原則に反するようですが、ここではコメントを主語にして強調するので、文が受動態でもかまいません。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture uses a system called "Public Comments" in order to extensively reflect comments from the public when it decides an important policy. After a decision is made, it will announce what kinds of comments are reflected in the new policy and what kinds are not. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Kei, 12 Jan 03

 

長崎県は重要な政策の立案にあたり、ひろく県民こ声を反映させるために、「パブリック コメント」制度を用いている。そして政策決定のあとで、どのような県民を意見を政策に反映できたか、また出来なかったかを公表している。

 

The Prefectural Government of Nagasaki uses the “Public Comment” system to receive wide public opinions on major policy issues. Once the government decides policies on these major issues, it will announce which opinions are reflected and which ones not reflected on these policies.

 

添削

 

The Prefectural Government of Nagasaki uses the “Public Comment “ system to receive wide public opinions on major policy issues. Once the government decides policies what policy to use on these major issues1, it will announce which opinions are reflected and which are not reflected on these policies

 

コメント

 

1.       「そして政策決定のあとで」を「政府が政策を決めると」と隠れた主語を補って英文で表現してあります。Once the government decides what policy to useは応用の効く文型なので覚えておく便利です。

 

例:

 

Did you decide which restaurant to go tonight?

He did not know what questions to ask.

 

添削後の文章

 

The Prefectural Government of Nagasaki uses the “Public Comment “ system to receive public opinions on major policy issues. Once the government decides what policy to use on these major issues, it will announce which opinions are reflected and which are not on these policies.