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初級練習問題の添削 18

 

(2 April 03) (2 April 03) (27 Feb 04) (28 June 04) (11 April 05) (16 July 05) (9 Aug 05)

(9 March 06) (22 March 06) (25 Sept 06) (5 Nov 06) (26 Nov 06) (13 April 07) (25 Aug 07)

(2 Feb 08) (24 June 08) (7 July 09) (7 Oct 09)

 

(14 Jan 10) (30 Mar 10) (10 March 12) (30 Aug 13) (22 Sept 13) (20 Nov 13)

長崎県は昔から海外との交流がさかんで、鎖国時代は日本唯一の海外との窓口でした。そのため、ヨーロッパや中国などと影響を受け、独特の文化、歴史を持っています。

 

読者からの投稿 25(owl, 20 November 13

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has been active in interacting with foreign countries from long ago, and it was Japan's only gateway to and from abroad during the seclusion era. So, influenced by Europe, China and other countries, it has a unique culture and history.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has been active in interacting with foreign countries for a from long time ago., and it It was Japan's the only gateway to Japan  and from abroad during the seclusion era. So, influenced by Europe, China and other countries, it has developed a unique culture and history.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       鎖国ですから長崎から外国に日本人が出かけることはありませんでした。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has been active in interacting with foreign countries for a long time .  It was the only gateway to Japan from abroad during the seclusion era. So, influenced by Europe, China and other countries, it has developed a unique culture and history.

 

読者からの投稿 24(sasuke, 22 September 13

 

Nagasaki prefecture has had active interchanges among overseas since old days. In period of national isolation, it was the only one contact point of overseas in Japan. Therefore, Nagasaki was affected by Europe and China, and it has unique culture and history.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki pPrefecture has had active interchanges with among overseas countries since the old days. In the period of national isolation, it was the only one contact point with of overseas countries in Japan. Therefore, Nagasaki was affected by European and Chinaese culture, and developed its own it has unique culture and history.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has had active interchanges with overseas countries since the old days. In the period of national isolation, it was the only one contact point with overseas countries in Japan. Therefore, Nagasaki was affected by European and Chinese culture and developed its own unique culture and history.

 

 

読者からの投稿 23(文月、30 August 13

 

In Nagasaki, they have had active interactions with people from abroad for a long time. The place was the only "open door" in Japan to overseas in the period of national seclusion. For that reason, Nagasaki has a unique culture and history under the influence of Europe or China.

 

添削

 

In Nagasaki, they have had active interactions with people from abroad for a long time. The place was the only "open door" in Japan to overseas in the period of national seclusion. For that reason, Nagasaki has a unique culture and history under the influence of Europe and or China.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

In Nagasaki, they have had active interactions with people from abroad for a long time. The place was the only "open door" in Japan to overseas in the period of national seclusion. For that reason, Nagasaki has a unique culture and history under the influence of Europe and  China.

 

 

読者からの投稿 22(Valley winds, 10 March 12

 

Nagasaki has traded with foreign countries actively since the old time and was the only window for overseas in Japan in the period of national isolation. Therefore it was influenced by Europe and China and has particular culture and history.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki has traded with foreign countries actively since the old ancient time and was the only window open to for overseas countries in Japan in the period of national isolation. Therefore, it Nagasaki has been was influenced by Europe and China and has particular unique1 culture and history.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       Collins BUILD 辞書によれば、If you describe someone or something as peculiar, you think that they are strange or unusual, sometimes in an unpleasant way.ですから、ここはuniqueがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki has traded with foreign countries actively since the ancient time and was the only window open to overseas countries in Japan in the period of national isolation. Therefore,  Nagasaki has been influenced by Europe and China and has unique culture and history.

 

 

読者からの投稿 21(あんこ、30 March 10

 

During the national isolation policy in Japan, only Nagasaki Prefecture had a port that was open to the outside world. Thanks to this, Nagasaki has been trading with foreign countries, and developing an unique culture and history influenced by Europe and China.

 

添削

 

During the period of national isolation policy in Japan, only Nagasaki Prefecture had a port that was open to the outside world. Thanks to this, Nagasaki has been trading with foreign countries, and developing an unique culture and history influenced by Europe and China.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。とてもわかりやすい文章です。

 

添削後の文章

 

During the period of national isolation policy in Japan, only Nagasaki Prefecture had a port that was open to the outside world. Thanks to this, Nagasaki has been trading with foreign countries and developing an unique culture and history influenced by Europe and China.

 

 

読者からの投稿 20(Tatsuo, 14 January 10

 

Nagasaki prefecture was only opened to foreign countries during the isolation period in Japan, so that Nagasaki had prospered to exchange between other countries since then. Thus Nagasaki has enjoyed an individual culture and history reflected by European countries and China.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki prefecture1 was the only city that was opened to foreign countries during the isolation period in Japan., sSo, that Nagasaki had prospered for a long time through trade to exchange between2 with other countries since then. Thus, Nagasaki has been enjoyeding3 an unique individual culture and history that reflecteds by European countries and Chinese influences China.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、わからないところがあります。

 

1.       日本文には長崎県とありますが、実際は出島とその周辺のごく限られた場所ですね。prosperは繁栄する、繁盛する、ですから添削のようにthrough tradeとすると具体的になります。

 

2.       現在も観光名所ですからhas been enjoyingとするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki was the only city that was open to foreign countries during the isolation period in Japan. So, Nagasaki prospered for a long time through trade with other countries. Thus, Nagasaki has been enjoying a unique culture and history that reflects European and Chinese influences .

 

 

読者からの投稿 19(Yoshi, 7 October 09

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has interacted well with overseas since a long time ago and been known as the window to the overseas since national isolation era. So Nagasaki has been affected by Europe, China and so on and has original cultures and histories.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has been in close contact interacted 1well with overseas countries since for a long time ago and was2 been known as the only window to the overseas countries during the time of since national isolation era. So Nagasaki has been affected by Europe, China and so on and has developed its own original cultures and historiesy.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、わからないところがあります。

 

1.       interactは密接な相互関係に時に使うので、ここでは添削のようにもっと一般的に表現したほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       鎖国時代に唯一の窓口だった、のでsince the national isolation eraとは違います。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has been in close contact with overseas countries for a long time ago and was the only window to the overseas countries during the time of national isolation . So Nagasaki has been affected by Europe, China and developed its own original culture and history.

 

 

読者からの投稿 18(mxtomi, 7 July 09

 

Nagasaki has long been interacting with a number of countries overseas. It worked as the sole Japanese port open to foreign countries in her period of isolation. Accordingly, Nagasaki is known to have its unique culture and history reflecting the influence it received from European countries and China.

 

添削

 

The City1 of Nagasaki has long been in close contact interacting with a number of countries overseas. It worked as the sole Japanese port open to foreign countries in her period of  national isolation. Accordingly, Nagasaki is known to have its unique culture and history reflecting the influence it has received from European countries and China.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       日本文には「長崎県」とありますが、外国人に接触のあったところは出島と現在の長崎市の一部だけですから、the City of Nagasakiが妥当でしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The City of Nagasaki has long been in close contact with a number of countries overseas. It worked as the sole Japanese port open to foreign countries in her period of national isolation. Accordingly, Nagasaki is known to have its unique culture and history reflecting the influence it has received from European countries and China.

 

 

読者からの投稿 17(かい、24 June 08

 

The Nagasaki Prefecture have had a lot of interaction from oversea for many years ,and was the only trading place in Japan during the period of national isolation. Therefore, it was influenced by Europe or China, and has many distinctive culture and history.

 

添削

 

The Nagasaki Prefecture has have had a lot of interactions with from overseas countries for many years. ,and It1 was the only trading place in Japan during the period of national isolation. Therefore, Nagasaki Prefecture it was influenced by European and or Chinaese cultures, and has developed its own unique many distinctive culture and history.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       前の文の内容と直接の関係が無い内容なので独立した文にしたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has had a lot of interactions with overseas countries for many years.  It was the only trading place in Japan during the period of national isolation. Therefore, Nagasaki Prefecture was influenced by European and Chinese cultures and has developed its own unique culture and history.

 

 

読者からの投稿 16(kk, 2 February 08

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has been trading actively with foreign countries. In the period of national isolation, Nagasaki Prefecture had been the only one window to the outside world. So, It had been under the influence of European countries and China and consequently has developed its unique culture and history.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has been trading actively with foreign countries. In the period of national isolation, Nagasaki Prefecture had been the only one window to the outside world. So, It had been under the influence of European countries and China and consequently has developed its unique culture and history.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。時制の用法が正確です。Nagasaki Prefecture has been trading actively with foreign countries. はもっと一般的にNagasaki Prefecture has maintained close contact with foreign countries for a long time.としてもよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

添削箇所はありません。

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(dunkel, 3 November 07

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has been famous for the entrance gate of the international trade and the cultural exchange for a long time. People in Nagasaki have the unique culture and history affectted by European countries and China because Nagasaki had been remained only one international port when the Edo government had closed the country for more than 200 years in Edo era of Japan.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has been famous for the entrance gate of the international trade and the cultural exchange into Japan for a long time. Nagasaki was the only one international port during the Edo period when Japan closed the country to foreign countries for more than 200 years. As a result, Ppeople in Nagasaki have a the unique culture and history that was influenced affected by European countries and China. because Nagasaki had been remained only one international port when the Edo government had closed the country for more than 200 years in Edo era of Japan.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかりますが、添削のように文章の順序を変えると因果関係がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has been famous for the entrance gate of international trade and cultural exchange into Japan for a long time. Nagasaki was the only one international port during the Edo period when Japan closed the country to foreign countries for more than 200 years. As a result, people in Nagasaki have a unique culture and history that was influenced by European countries and China.

 

 

読者からの投稿 14(マーチャン、25 August 07

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has had close contact with overseas countries since old times and was the only window open to foreign countries in Japan throughout the period of national seclusion. Therefore, the prefecture was affected by China and Europe and developed its own particular culture and history.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has had close contact with overseas countries since old times and was the only window open to foreign countries in Japan throughout the period of national seclusion. Therefore, the prefecture was affected by China and Europe and developed its own particular unique2 culture and history1.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

2.       a particular thingは「ある特別な性質を持ったもの」でa unique thingは「他に類のないもの」なので、ここではuniqueのほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has had close contact with overseas countries since old times and was the only window open to foreign countries in Japan throughout the period of national seclusion. Therefore, the prefecture was affected by China and Europe and developed its own unique culture and history.

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(散歩人、13 April 07

 

Nagasaki prefecture is the only Japanese city to have flourishing exchange with other countries during period of national isolation, because there has long been friendly intercourse with foreign countries. Therefore Nagasaki has its original culture and history.

 

添削

 

The City of Nagasaki prefecture1 is was the only Japanese city in Japan2 to have flourishing exchange with other countries during period of national isolation., As a result3, because there has had long been friendly intercourse relationships with foreign countries. Therefore This made4 Nagasaki has develop its original culture and history.

 

コメント

 

1.       「長崎」は文脈により「長崎市」、「長崎県」のどちらも指しますが、ここではthe only city in Japanといっているので「長崎市」にします。

 

2.       この文脈ではthe only Japanese citythe only city in Japanは日本で唯一の町の意味になりますが、後者のほうがはっきりした表現でしょう。

 

3.       A is B because ~.「〜なので、ABである。」という論理関係になります。するとここはbecauseでは文の前半とつながりませんね。文の前半の内容をうけて、「その結果」As a resultとすると内容がつながります。

 

4.       Thereforeでも前の内容とつながりますが、添削のようにするとこのつながりが深くなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The City of Nagasaki was the only city in Japan to have flourishing exchange with other countries during period of national isolation. As a result, there had long been friendly relationships with foreign countries. This made Nagasaki develop its original culture and history.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(吉、26 November 06

 

Since ancient times, Nagasaki Prefecture has had contacts with foreign countries and was the sole window to overseas during the period of national isolation. Therefore, it has been affected by foreign culture such as Chinese and European cultures and developed its own unique culture and history.

 

添削

 

Since ancient times, Nagasaki Prefecture has had close contacts with foreign countries and was the sole window open to overseas during the period of national isolation. Therefore, it has been affected by foreign culture such as Chinese and European cultures and developed its own unique culture and history1.

 

コメント

 

1.       わかりやすい英文ですね。日本文の構成に沿った英文ですが、日本文の構成が論理的なので、そのままの構成で英文にしても分かりやすい英文になりますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Since ancient times, Nagasaki Prefecture has had close contacts with foreign countries and was the sole window open to overseas during the period of national isolation. Therefore, it has been affected by foreign culture such as Chinese and European cultures and developed its own unique culture and history.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(岩ちゃん、5 November 06

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has lively had contact with overseas countries since old times and was the only window for foreign countries in Japan throughout Japanese periods of isolation. Therefore, as the prefecture was affected by China and Europe, it has particular cultures and histories.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has lively had close contact with overseas countries since old times and was the only window for open to foreign countries in Japan throughout the period of national seclusion1 Japanese periods of isolation. Therefore, as the prefecture was affected by China and Europe and2 developed its own,  it has particular cultures and historyies.

 

コメント

 

1.       鎖国時代はthe period of isolation, the period of seclusionという表現がありますが、seclusionには「ひきこもること」という意味があるので、こちらのほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       as the prefecture was affected by China and Europe長崎県は中国やヨーロッパに影響を受けたので(受けるつれて)、と原因を示していて、文としては論理的なのですが、どうも文を読んだときにしっくりしません。長崎のユニークな文化や歴史には他の原因もあるので、中国やヨーロッパだけが影響したのではない、という気持ちがあるためでしょう。添削のようにすると、この原因結果の関係が弱くなり、一般的な表現になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has had close contact with overseas countries since old times and was the only window open to foreign countries in Japan throughout the period of national seclusion. Therefore, the prefecture was affected by China and Europe and developed its own particular culture and history.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(だっち、25 September 06

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has been interchanging with foreign countries for a long time. In the national isolation era, it is the only door to them. Therefore, it was affected by Europe and China etc, and it has unique culture and history.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has been interchanging goods and ideas1 with foreign countries for a long time. In the era of national isolation era, it is was the only door to foreign countries2 them. Therefore, it Nagasaki Prefecture was affected influenced by European and Chinaese culture etc, and developed3 it has its unique culture and history.

 

添削

 

1.       I interchange ideas with Mr. Nakamura.という形で使いますから、ここにgoods and ideasというような対象をいれます。

 

2.       代名詞は何を指しているのかわかり難い場合があります。もとのforeign countriesを繰り返して使うと内容がはっきりします。

 

3.       Nagasaki Prefecture was influenced by ~と過去形ですね。現在の長崎はユニークな文化を持っていますが、influencedの過去形に合わして、developed its unique culture and historyとここも過去形にすると内容がわかりやすいです。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has been interchanging goods and ideas with foreign countries for a long time. In the era of national isolation, it was the only door to foreign countries. Therefore, Nagasaki Prefecture was influenced by European and Chinese culture and developed its unique culture and history.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(バリコ、22 March 06

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has been exchanging with overseas countries since ancient times. During the isolation policy, Nagasaki Prefecture alone had been open door to overseas in Japan. That is why Nagasaki has possessed its unique culture and history with being influenced by Europe, China and other countries.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has been in close contact1 exchanging with overseas countries since ancient times. During the period of the isolation policy, Nagasaki Prefecture City alone had been could keep the door2 open door to overseas in Japan. That is why Nagasaki has possessed developed3 its unique culture and history with being influencesd by Europe, China and other countries.

 

コメント

 

1.       I exchanged a business card with him.exchangeは目的語を必要とするので、ここではhas been in close contact with ~としました。

 

2.       could keep the door openとすると、主体の動作が積極的になって内容がわかりやすくなります。正確に言えば長崎の出島だけですが。現在はここに出島の跡が復元されていますが、ごく小さい面積です。

 

3.       ここも能動的な表現にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has been in close contact with overseas countries since ancient times. During the period of the isolation policy, Nagasaki City alone could keep the door open to overseas in Japan. That is why Nagasaki has developed its unique culture and history with influences by Europe, China and other countries.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(tange, 9 March 06

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has had very active interaction with other countries since the olden days. It was the only place where Japan could access to other countries while closing Japan. Because of that that Nagasaki was influenced a lot by Europe, China and other countries. As a result it has unique culture and history.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has had very active interactions with other countries since the olden days for more than 400 years1. It was the only place where Japanese could access to foreign culture during the period when Japan had closed any other contact with other countries while closing Japan2. Because of that this, that Nagasaki was culturally influenced a lot by Europe, China and other countries. As a result it still3 has a unique culture and history.

 

コメント

 

1.       徳川幕府は1613年に全国的にキリスト教を禁止し、段階的に鎖国政策を厳しくして、1641年には平戸のオランダ商館を長崎の出島に移し、オランダと中国(清)の船だけの来航を許可することで鎖国政策を完成しました。それ以前にも長崎は外国との交易があったでしょうから、だいたい400年ぐらいと、具体的に表現するとよいでしょう。

 

2.       could access to other countriesとすると、長崎から外国に行ける、とも取れるので、could access to foreign cultureとするとよいでしょう。また、この添削講座の英文は「日本に興味のある英語圏の人」と対象に想定しているので、日本独自な内容には簡単な説明を付けると良いでしょう。while closing Japan (to foreign countries except Portugal and China) during the period when Japan had closed any other contact with other countriesと説明を付けます。

 

3.       stillいまでも、と入れると内容が強調できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has had very active interactions with other countries  for more than 400 years. It was the only place where Japanese could access to foreign culture during the period when Japan had closed any other contact with other countries. Because of this, Nagasaki was culturally influenced a lot by Europe, China and other countries. As a result it still has a unique culture and history.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(rikarika, 9 August 05

 

Nagasaki pref. has always been a great place for foreign exchanges and was an only contract point with abroad in Japan. As it was affected by Europe and China its culture and history is unique.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki pref. Prefecture has always been a great popular1 place for foreign exchanges trade2 and was an only contract contact point with abroad overseas countries in Japan during the period of closed country policy. As it Nagasaki3 was has been affected by Europe and China , its culture and history is unique.

 

コメント

 

1.       greatというとどのようにgreatだったかわからないのでpopularにしました。popularもかなり漠然とした言葉ですが。「海外との交流」とは日本でよく使われる言葉ですが、意味は漠然としています。ここでは貿易にして少し具体性を持たせました。

 

2.       代名詞を使わずに名詞を使って明確にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has always been a popular place for foreign trade and was an only contact point with overseas countries in Japan during the period of closed country policy. As Nagasaki has been affected by Europe and China, its culture and history is unique.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(Kappa2005, 16 July 05

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has been frequently exchanging with overseas for a long time. It was sole window toward abroad in Japan in the days of the Closed Country Policy era. Therefore, it has unique culture and history influenced by overseas countries such as Europe and China.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has been in frequently exchanging contact1 with overseas for a long time. It was the sole window open toward abroad in Japan in the days of the Closed Country Policy era. Therefore, it has unique culture and history influenced by overseas countries such as those2 in Europe and China.

 

1.       exchange A with Bexchangeは目的語を必要とするので、ここではin contact withとしました。

 

2.       Europeは国ではなく地域なのでoverseas countries such as those in Europe and Chinaとしましt。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has been in frequently contact with overseas for a long time. It was the sole window open toward abroad in Japan in the days of the Closed Country Policy era. Therefore, it has unique culture and history influenced by overseas countries such as those in Europe and China.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(かっぱん、11 April 05

 

Nagasaki has interacted with various overseas countries, and served as a unique open window during the period of national isolation. This is why Nagasaki has unique culture and history influenced by European and Chinese cultures and histories.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki has interacted with various overseas countries, and served as a unique the only one window open window to foreign countries1 during the period of national isolation. This is why Nagasaki has unique culture and history influenced by European and Chinese cultures and histories.

 

コメント

 

1.       a unique open windowですと「ある特別な性格を持ったopen window」という意味で「唯一の」という意味にはなりません。少々長くなりますが添削のように説明するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki has interacted with various overseas countries and served as the only one window open to foreign countries during the period of national isolation. This is why Nagasaki has unique culture and history influenced by European and Chinese cultures.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(マウント60、28 June 04

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has long been known for its active exchanges with foreign countries. During the days of closed-door policy, Nagasaki was Japan's only window on the world. As a result, it has a unique culture and history influenced by Europe or China.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has long been known for1 its active exchanges with foreign countries. During the days of closed-door policy, Nagasaki was Japan's only window on to the world. As a result, it has a unique culture and history influenced by Europe or China.

 

コメント

 

1.       Nagasaki has a long history of active exchange with foreign countries.と較べるとマウント60さんの表現は読者に親しみと奥行きを与えますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture has long been known for its active exchanges with foreign countries. During the days of closed-door policy, Nagasaki was Japan's only window to the world. As a result, it has a unique culture and history influenced by Europe or China.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 3 (tama, 27 Feb 04)

 

Nagasaki Prefecture was the place that trades between overseas countries was active from ancient days  and also only the place that Japanese could contact overseas countries in the period of national isolation. So Nagasaki Prefecture was influenced by European countries and China and also has its own culture and history.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture was is1 the place that where trades between2 Japan and overseas countries was has been active from ancient days. It was3 and also only the only place that where Japanese people could contact people from4 overseas countries in the period of national isolation. So, Nagasaki Prefecture was influenced by European countries and China and also has had created5 its own unique6 culture and history.

 

コメント

 

1.       長崎が昔から現在までつづいて外国との交流が盛んである、ということならば現在形にします。この文の最後に「昔から」from ancient days とあるので現在形になります。「昔は」in ancient daysであれば過去形になります。

 

2.       Betweenは後ろに来る複数の物の間で、を示すので「日本と外国の間で」はbetween Japan and overseas countriesになります。between overseas countriesは「外国の間で」になります。

 

3.       ここでいったん文を切って新しい文で始めると読みやすくなります。一般に日本文は「てにおは」を使って文をどんどんと長くする癖があるので、内容を英文で表現するときは日本文の内容を適当なところで切って、複数の英文で表現すると内容がわかりやすく整理できます。

 

4.       「日本人」はJapanese people もしくはthe Japaneseと表現しますが、Japanese peopleと正確に表現したほうがよいでしょう。日本人が交流する相手はやはり人なのでpeople from overseas countriesとします。

5.       createdとすると能動動詞(目的語に対してある動作をする動詞)なので、文に動きが出てわかりやすくなります。

 

6.       Collins COBUILD ownを次のように説明しています。

You use own to indicate that something belongs to a particular person or thing.

 

its own culture and historyは「長崎の持っている(他の土地から借りたものでない)文化と歴史」ということになり、ある程度は「独自な」という意味合いがありますが、このことを明確にするにはits own unique culture and historyとするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is the place where trade between Japan and overseas countries has been active from ancient days. It was also the only place where Japanese people could contact people from overseas countries in the period of national isolation. So, Nagasaki Prefecture was influenced by European countries and China and had created its own unique culture and history.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(tonton, 2 April 03

 

International exchange has always been prosperous in Nagasaki Prefecture. It was the only overseas door in Japan during the period of the national isolation. Therefore, Nagasaki has its own unique culture and history that were influenced from places like Europe and China.

 

添削

 

International exchange has always been prosperous flourishing1 in Nagasaki Prefecture. It was the only place that could open the door to 2overseas door - in Japan during the period of the national isolation. Therefore, Nagasaki has its own unique culture and history that were influenced from places like by3 Europe and China.

 

コメント

 

1.       tontonさんは「海外との交流」を主語にして文を簡潔にしていますね。Prosperousは(金銭的に)繁栄する、という意味が強いので、もう少し一般的に「盛んである」という意味のflourishにしました。International commerce has always been prosperous in Nagasaki Prefecture.でも良いでしょう。

 

2.       窓口を「戸」と「窓」を使って表現すると次のようになります。

 

Learning English opened the door to a rich source of information available on the Internet for me.

 

The Internet provides us with a window open to a rich source of information on a wide range of subjects.

 

3.       Byだけで簡単にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

International exchange has always been flourishing in Nagasaki Prefecture. It was the only place that could open the door to overseas in Japan during the period of the national isolation. Therefore, Nagasaki has its own unique culture and history that were influenced by Europe and China.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Kei, 12 Jan 03

 

Historically, Nagasaki Prefecture has had close ties with overseas countries. During the period of seclusion, Nagasaki was Japan’s only window open to interactions with abroad. As a result, Nagasaki received European and Chinese influences and developed its unique culture and history.

 

添削

 

Historically, Nagasaki Prefecture has had close ties with countries overseas. Countries1. During the period of seclusion, Nagasaki was Japan's only open window open to interactions with abroad these countries. As a result, Nagasaki received could import European and Chinese influences cultures2 and eventually develop its own unique culture and history.

 

コメント

 

1.       「長崎県は昔から海外との交流がさかんで、鎖国時代は日本唯一の海外との窓口でした。」は読点で二つの文に分かれていますが、「さかんで」の「で」は論理的に前の文をどのように後ろの文に続けているかあいまいです。日本文の「てにおは」は融通性がありすぎて英語で表現するときに困るときがあります。ここではKeiさんのようにはっきりと二つの文にするのが良いと思います。

 

2.       「その結果、ヨーロッパや中国などと影響を受け、独特の文化、歴史を持っています。」では「その結果」とあるので、前の文とこの文との論理的なつながりをはっきりと英文で表現する必要があります。「(海外との窓口が開いていたので)その結果、長崎はヨーロッパおよび中国の文化を輸入することが出来て、やがては長崎独自の文化を発達させるにいたった。」と積極的なはっきりした表現にすると良いと思います。

 

添削後の文章

 

Historically, Nagasaki Prefecture has had close ties with countries overseas. During the period of seclusion, Nagasaki was Japan's only open window to interactions with these countries. As a result, Nagasaki could import European and Chinese cultures and eventually develop its own unique culture and history.