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初級練習問題の添削 17

 

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長崎県は九州の西北部にあり、東京までの直線距離が967キロ、朝鮮半島や中国大陸、東南アジアのいろいろな国に近く、上海まで850キロ、対馬からプサンまではわずか49.5キロです。

 

読者からの投稿 24(owl, 20 November 13

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is located in Northwestern Kyushu, and it is 967 kilometers away from Tokyo by airline distance. It is close to various countries in the Korean Peninsula, the Chinese continent and the Southeastern countries, 850 kilometers away from Shanghai. Plus, Tsushima, Nagasaki Prefecture, is just 49.5 kilometers from Busan.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is located in the Nnorthwestern part of Kyushu, and it is 967 kilometers away from Tokyo by airline distance. It is close to various countries on in the Korean Peninsula, and the Chinese continent, and in the Southeastern Asia countries,. It is only 850 kilometers away from Shanghai. In addition Plus, the Tsushima Islands, Nagasaki Prefecture, is are just 49.5 kilometers from Busan.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is located in the northwestern part of Kyushu and is 967 kilometers away from Tokyo by airline distance. It is close to various countries on the Korean Peninsula and the Chinese continent, and in Southeast Asia. It is only 850 kilometers away from Shanghai. In addition, the Tsushima Islands are just 49.5 kilometers from Busan.

 

 

読者からの投稿 23(文月、30 August 13

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is located in the northwest part of Kyushu Region and 967 kilometers away from Tokyo in a straight line. The prefecture is near the Korean Peninsula, the Chinese Continent, and different Southeast Asian countries, and lies 850 kilometers from Shanghai. From Tsushima Island of Nagasaki Prefecture, it is only 49.5 kilometers to Busan in South Korea.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is located in the northwest part of Kyushu Island Region and 967 kilometers away from Tokyo in a straight line. The prefecture is near the Korean Peninsula, the Chinese Continent, and different several Southeast Asian countries, and lies 850 kilometers from Shanghai. It is only 49.5 kilometers Ffrom Tsushima Island of Nagasaki Prefecture, it is only 49.5 kilometers to Busan in South Korea.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is located in the northwest part of Kyushu Island  and 967 kilometers away from Tokyo in a straight line. The prefecture is near the Korean Peninsula, the Chinese Continent, and several Southeast Asian countries, and lies 850 kilometers from Shanghai. It is only 49.5 kilometers from Tsushima Island of Nagasaki Prefecture to Busan in South Korea.

 

 

読者からの投稿 22(OKEN, 8 June 12

 

Nagasaki prefecture lies in the northwest part of Kyushu, and is 967 kilo-meters from Tokyo in direct distance. It is also close to several countries in the Korean Peninsula, Mainland China, or Southeast Asia. For example, it is 850 kilo-meters to Shanghai, and a distance from Tsushima to Busan is only 49.5 kilo-meters.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki pPrefecture lies in the northwest part of Kyushu, and is 967 kilo-meters from Tokyo in direct distance. It is also close to several countries on in the Korean Peninsula, Mainland China, and in or Southeast Asia. For example, it is 850 kilo-meters to Shanghai, and a distance from Tsushima to Busan is only 49.5 kilo-meters.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture lies in the northwest part of Kyushu, and is 967 kilo-meters from Tokyo in direct distance. It is also close to several countries on the Korean Peninsula, Mainland China, and in Southeast Asia. For example, it is 850 kilo-meters to Shanghai, and a distance from Tsushima to Busan is only 49.5 kilo-meters.

 

 

読者から投稿 21(Valley winds, 20 March 12

 

Nagasaki prefecture locates in northwestern Kyusyu. Straight distance between there and Tokyo is 967 kilometers. It’s close to The Korean peninsula, mainland China and some countries in Southeast Asia; it’s 850 kilometers from there to Shanghai and only 49.5 kilometers from Tsushima to Busan.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki pPrefecture is locatesd in the northwestern part of Kyusyu. The Sstraight distance between Nagasaki1 there and Tokyo is 967 kilometers. It is It’s2 close to Tthe Korean pPeninsula, mainland China and some countries in Southeast Asia; it is it’s 850 kilometers from Nagasaki there to Shanghai and only 49.5 kilometers from Tsushima to BPusan.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       There というよりNagasakiとしたほうが読者にははっきりします。

 

2.       口語体の文章ではit’s a dog.というように省略記述もつかいますが、ここでは報告文なので省略形は使わない方がキチンとした文章の印象になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is located in the northwestern part of Kyusyu. The straight distance between Nagasaki and Tokyo is 967 kilometers. It is close to the Korean Peninsula, mainland China and some countries in Southeast Asia; it is 850 kilometers from Nagasaki  to Shanghai and only 49.5 kilometers from Tsushima to Pusan.

 

 

読者からの投稿 20(あんこ、30 March 10

 

Nagasaki Prefecture lies in the northwest of Kushu. If you drew an imaginary line on a map from Tokyo to Nagasaki, it would be 967 kilometers. Nagasaki is located close to Korean Peninsula, main land China, and other countries in Southeast Asia. For example, the distance from Nagasaki to Shanghai is 850 kilometers. From Tushima, an island of Nagasaki, to Pusan, the distance is mere 49.5 kilometers. 

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture lies in the northwest of Kushu. If you drew an imaginary straight line on a map from Tokyo to Nagasaki, it would be 967 kilometers1`. Nagasaki is located close to the Korean Peninsula, main land China, and other courtiers in Southeast Asia. For example, the distance from Nagasaki to Shanghai is 850 kilometers. From Tushima, an island of Nagasaki, to Pusan, the distance is mere 49.5 kilometers. 

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       「東京までの直線距離が」の表現がわかりやすいですね。和英辞書で「直線距離」と引いてしまいますが、字句どおりに解釈すれば、「あんこ」さんの表現の通りです。実際に地図に線をかくことも可能なので、If you draw ~でもよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture lies in the northwest of Kushu. If you drew an imaginary straight line on a map from Tokyo to Nagasaki, it would be 967 kilometers. Nagasaki is located close to the Korean Peninsula, main land China, and other courtiers in Southeast Asia. For example, the distance from Nagasaki to Shanghai is 850 kilometers. From Tushima, an island of Nagasaki, to Pusan, the distance is mere 49.5 kilometers. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 19(Tatsuo, 14 January 10

 

Nagasaki prefecture is located in West-North area of Kyusyu in Japan. Tokyo is 967 kilometers away from Nagasaki in a straight line. Besides, Nagasaki is near Korean peninsula, China and other several East-Asian countries. For example, the distance to Shanghai is 850 kilometers, and it is only 49.5 kilometers from Tsushima to Pusan.   

 

添削

 

Nagasaki pPrefecture1 is located in the northwestern West-North area of Kyusyu in Japan. Tokyo is 967 kilometers away from Nagasaki in a straight line. Besides,2 Nagasaki is near close to the Korean pPeninsula, China and other several countries in Southeast Asia3 East-Asian countries. For example, the distance to Shanghai is 850 kilometers, and the distance it is only 49.5 kilometers from Tsushima to Pusan is only 49.5 kilometers4.   

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       長崎県は固有名詞ですから、the Prefecture of Nagasaki, Nagasaki Prefectureと表現します。

 

2.       besidesは「その他にも」と前に出たことと関連したことを言うとき使いますが、ここでは長崎から東京までの距離と、長崎から朝鮮半島までの距離は特に関連がありませんから、besidesは使いません。

 

3.       東南アジアはSoutheast Asiaという固有名詞があります。「東南アジアの国々」はcountries in Southeast Asiaになります。

 

4.       文の前半がthe distance is ~.という形式になっていますから、後半も同じ形式にすると(並行構造といいます)わかりやすくなります。                              

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is located in the northwestern area of Kyusyu in Japan. Tokyo is 967 kilometers away from Nagasaki in a straight line. Nagasaki is close to the Korean Peninsula, China and other several countries in Southeast Asia. For example, the distance to Shanghai is 850 kilometers and the distance from Tsushima to Pusan is only 49.5 kilometers.   

 

 

読者からの投稿 18(Yoshi, 7 October 09

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is in the Northwest of Japan. The direct distance between Nagaseki and Tokyo is 967 km. Ngasaki is close to Korean Peninsula, China and some countries in Southeast Asia and from Nagasaki to Shanghai is 850 km. From Tsushima island to Pusan city is just 49.5 km.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is located in the Nnorthwest of Kyushu Island Japan. The direct distance between Nagasaki and Tokyo is 967 kilometers km. Nagasaki is close to the Korean Peninsula, China and some countries in Southeast Asia. and  from Nagasaki to Shanghai is 850 kilometers km from Shanghai . From Tsushima island to Pusan on the Korean Peninsula city is just 49.5 kilometers km.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is located in the northwest of Kyushu Island. The direct distance between Nagasaki and Tokyo is 967 kilometers. Nagasaki is close to the Korean Peninsula, China and some countries in Southeast Asia. Nagasaki is 850 kilometers  from Shanghai . From Tsushima island to Pusan on the Korean Peninsula is just 49.5 kilometers .

 

 

読者からの投稿 17(mxtomi, 4 July 09

 

Nagasaki prefecture is located in the northwestern part of Kyushu island, with the direct distance to Tokyo being 967 kilometers.  The prefecture hence is close to various countries in the Korean Peninsula, mainland China and Southeast Asia.  For example, the distance from Nagasaki to Shanghai is 850 kilometers and that from Tsushima islands to Busan in southeastern Korea, is only 49.5 kilometers.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki pPrefecture is located in the northwestern part of Kyushu iIsland, with the direct distance to Tokyo being 967 kilometers.  The prefecture hence is close to various the countries in on the Korean Peninsula, mMainland China and in Southeast Asia.  For example, the distance from Nagasaki to Shanghai is 850 kilometers and that from the Tsushima islands to BPusan in southeastern Korea, is only 49.5 kilometers.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is located in the northwestern part of Kyushu Island, with the direct distance to Tokyo being 967 kilometers. The prefecture is close to the countries on the Korean Peninsula, Mainland China and in Southeast Asia. For example, the distance from Nagasaki to Shanghai is 850 kilometers and that from the Tsushima islands to Pusan in southeastern Korea is only 49.5 kilometers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 16(kk, 31 January 08

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is situated on the northwest of Kyushu and the direct distance to Tokyo from there is 967 kilometers. Nagasaki is near to the Korean Peninsula, the China continent, and some countries in the Southeast Asia, and the distance to Shanghai from Nagasaki is 850 kilometers, and to Pusan in the Korean Peninsula from the Tsushima island in Nagasaki Prefecture is mere 49.5 kilometers.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is situated on in the northwestern part of Kyushu Island and the direct distance to Tokyo from there is 967 kilometers. Nagasaki is near close to the Korean Peninsula, the China Chinese mainland continent, and some countries in the Southeast Asia, .and Tthe distance to Shanghai from Nagasaki is 850 kilometers, and the distance from the Tsusima Islands1 to Pusan in the Korean Peninsula from the Tsushima island in Nagasaki Prefecture is mere 49.5 kilometers.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       文の前半の形を繰り返すと分かりやすくなります。内容を分かりやすく読者に伝えるためには、このように同じ形を繰り返すのがよいでしょう。文章を読んでいて煩雑な感じにはなりません。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is situated in the northwestern part of Kyushu Island and the direct distance to Tokyo is 967 kilometers. Nagasaki is close to the Korean Peninsula, the Chinese mainland, and some countries in the Southeast Asia. The distance to Shanghai from Nagasaki is 850 kilometers, and the distance from the Tsusima Islands to Pusan in the Korean Peninsula is mere 49.5 kilometers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(dunkel, 2 November 07

 

Nagasaki prefecture is located in the north-western part of the Kyushu island. Nagasaki is near from Korean peninsula, China and Southeast Asian countries. Nagasaki is 967 kilometers away from Tokyo and 850 kilometers away from Shanghai in a straight line. It is surprising that Tsushima islands in Nagasaki prefecture is only 49.5 kilometers away from Pusan in the southern part of Korean peninsula.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki prefecture is located in the north-western part of the Kyushu iIsland. Nagasaki is close to near from the Korean pPeninsula, China and Southeast Asian countries. Nagasaki is 967 kilometers away from Tokyo and 850 kilometers away from Shanghai in a straight line. It is surprising that the Tsushima iIslands in Nagasaki pPrefecture is only 49.5 kilometers away from Pusan in the southern part of the Korean pPeninsula.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki prefecture is located in the north-western part of Kyushu Island. Nagasaki is close to the Korean Peninsula, China and Southeast Asian countries. Nagasaki is 967 kilometers away from Tokyo and 850 kilometers away from Shanghai in a straight line. It is surprising that the Tsushima Islands in Nagasaki Prefecture is only 49.5 kilometers away from Pusan in the southern part of the Korean Peninsula.

 

 

読者からの投稿 14(マーチャン、25 August 07

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is in the northwestern part of Kyushu. It is 96 kilometers from Nagasaki Prefecture to Tokyo in a direct distance. The prefecture is close to countries in the Korean Peninsula, the Chinese continent and Southeast Asia. It is 850 kilometers from the prefecture to Shanghai and only 49.5 kilometers from Tsushima to Pusan.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is in the northwestern part of Kyushu. It is 967 kilometers from Nagasaki Prefecture to Tokyo in a direct distance. The prefecture is close to countries in on the Korean Peninsula, the Chinese continent and Southeast Asia. It is 850 kilometers from the prefecture to Shanghai and only 49.5 kilometers from Tsushima to Pusan1.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の総てがわかります。日本文で長崎から東京まで967キロといやにこまかいですが、では長崎県の何処から東京の何処までということははっきりしません。地図の上の距離にはなにか一般的な規則があるのかもしれません。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is in the northwestern part of Kyushu. It is 967 kilometers from Nagasaki Prefecture to Tokyo in a direct distance. The prefecture is close to countries on the Korean Peninsula, the Chinese continent and Southeast Asia. It is 850 kilometers from the prefecture to Shanghai and only 49.5 kilometers from Tsushima to Pusan.

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(散歩人、13 April 07

 

Nagasaki prefecture is located at the northwest district of Kyusyu, the direct distance from there to Tokyo is 967 kilometers. Moreover there is near to the Korean Peninsula, the Chinese continent and several countries around the south-eastern Asia. I t is 850 kilometers from Shanghai and, for example, the distance from Tsushima to Pusan is only 49.5 kilometers. 

 

添削

 

Nagasaki pPrefecture is located at the northwest district of Kyusyu, and the direct distance from there to Tokyo is 967 kilometers. Moreove, there1 it is near to the Korean Peninsula, the Chinese continent and several countries around in the south-eastern Asia. I t is 850 kilometers from Shanghai and, for example,2 the distance from Tsushima to Pusan is only 49.5 kilometers. 

 

コメント

 

1.       日本文の内容がおおまかなので、英文の表現に困るところがありますね。散歩人さんは幾つかの小文に分けてわかりやすくしています。There is the Korean Peninsular near Nagasaki Prefecture.という表現もありますが、添削のほうがはっきりします。

 

2.       for exampleはこの文の一番前におくか、それとも要らないでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is located at the northwest district of Kyusyu and the direct distance from there to Tokyo is 967 kilometers. Moreover, it is near to the Korean Peninsula, the Chinese Continent and several countries in south-eastern Asia. I t is 850 kilometers from Shanghai and the distance from Tsushima to Pusan is only 49.5 kilometers. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(吉、25 November 06

 

Nagasaki prefecture lies in west-northern part of Kyushu. From Nagasaki to Tokyo is 967 Kilometers as the crow flies. It is close to Korean Peninsula, mainland China and Southeast Asian countries. From Nagasaki to Shanghai is 850 kilometers and from Tsushima to Pusan is only 49.5 kilometers.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki pPrefecture1 lies in the northwestern west-northern part of Kyushu. From Nagasaki to Tokyo it2 is 967 Kkilometers as the crow flies. It The prefecture3 is close to the Korean Peninsula, mainland China and Southeast Asian countries. From Nagasaki to Shanghai it is 850 kilometers and from Tsushima to Pusan it is only 49.5 kilometers.

 

コメント

 

1.       長崎県は固有名詞なのでthe Prefecture of NagasakiまたはNagasaki Prefecture と表現します。

 

2.       From Nagasaki to Tokyoは副詞句なので、文の主語にはなりません。ここでは例の「距離を表す仮の主語it」を使います。

 

3.       ここまでの文章の中にいろいろと名詞が出てきているので、it はどれをさすか曖昧になります(文意からわかるわけですが)。この手間を読者から省くために、代名詞ではなく名詞を使うとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture lies in the northwestern part of Kyushu. From Nagasaki to Tokyo it is 967 kilometers as the crow flies. The prefecture is close to the Korean Peninsula, mainland China and Southeast Asian countries. From Nagasaki to Shanghai it is 850 kilometers and from Tsushima to Pusan it is only 49.5 kilometers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(岩ちゃん、5 Nov 06

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is in the northwest part of Kyushu. It is 96 kilometers from Nagasaki Prefecture to Tokyo in a direct distance. The prefecture is near various countries in the Korea peninsula, the Chinese continent and Southeast Asia. It is 850 kilometers from the prefecture to Shanghai. It is only 49.5 kilometers from Tsushima to Pusan.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is in the northwestern1 part of Kyushu. It is 96 kilometers from Nagasaki Prefecture to Tokyo in a direct distance. The prefecture is near close to various countries in the Korean pPeninsula, the Chinese continent and Southeast Asia. It is 850 kilometers from the prefecture to Shanghai. and2  It is only 49.5 kilometers from Tsushima to Pusan.

 

コメント

 

1.       形容詞になります。

 

2.       距離が文章に幾つも出てくるので、ここは一つの文に入れました。日本文の距離のはかりかたが曖昧ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is in the northwestern part of Kyushu. It is 96 kilometers from Nagasaki Prefecture to Tokyo in a direct distance. The prefecture is close to countries in the Korean Peninsula, the Chinese continent and Southeast Asia. It is 850 kilometers from the prefecture to Shanghai and only 49.5 kilometers from Tsushima to Pusan.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(だっち、20 Sept 06

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is the north-west of Kyushu and 967 kilometers away from Tokyo in a straight line. It is close to many countrise of Southeast Asia, and 850 kilometers away from Shanghai. Especially, Tsushima, a city of Nagasaki, is only 49.5 kilometers away from Pusan.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is located in the north-west of Kyushu and 967 kilometers away from Tokyo in a straight line. It is close to many countries of Southeast Asia, and 850 kilometers away from to1 Shanghai. Especially, Tsushima, a city island of Nagasaki Prefecture, is only 49.5 kilometers to away from Pusan.

 

コメント

 

1.       A is 20 kilometers away from B.は「(Bを基点として)ABから20キロ離れている。」でA is 20 kilometers to B.は「(Aを基点として)ABまで20キロの所にある。」の意味になります。上の文章では添削のように使い分けました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is located in the north-west of Kyushu and 967 kilometers away from Tokyo in a straight line. It is close to many countries of Southeast Asia and 850 kilometers  to Shanghai. Especially, Tsushima, a island of Nagasaki Prefecture, is only 49.5 kilometers to Pusan.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(バリコ、22 March 06

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is located in the northwestern part of Kyushu Island. While Nagasaki city is 967 kilometers away from Tokyo in airline distance, it is close to Korean peninsula, mainland China, and various countries in Southeast Asia. Nagasaki is 850 kilometers away from Shanghais. Tushima island (the most northern island of Kyushu) is just 49.5 kilometers away from Pusan (the southeast port of Korean peninsula).

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is located in the northwestern part of Kyushu Island. While Nagasaki cCity is 967 kilometers away from Tokyo in airline distance, it is close to the Korean pPeninsula, mainland China, and various countries in Southeast Asia. Nagasaki is 850 kilometers away from Shanghais. Tushima iIsland (the most northern island of in Kyushu) is just 49.5 kilometers away from Pusan (the most southeastrn port of on the Korean pPeninsula1).

 

コメント

 

1.       この日本文の地理感覚は大雑把ですね。東南アジアの国々が日本から近い、というのは説得力に欠けます。バリコさんは大雑把な日本文をできるだけ正確に表現するように努力しています。対馬とプサンの説明を加えたのがよいですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is located in the northwestern part of Kyushu Island. While Nagasaki City is 967 kilometers away from Tokyo in airline distance, it is close to the Korean Peninsula, mainland China, and various countries in Southeast Asia. Nagasaki is 850 kilometers away from Shanghais. Tushima Island (the most northern island in Kyushu) is just 49.5 kilometers away from Pusan (the most southern port on the Korean Peninsula).

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(tange, 4 March 06

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is the northwestern part of Kyusyu. The distance from Tokyo to Nagasaki is 967 kilometers as the crow flies. And Nagasaki is very near the Korean Peninsula, China and various countries in the south East Asia. Also the distance from Nagasaki to Shanghai is 850 kilometers and from Tsushima to Pusan is only 49.5 kilometers. 

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is the northwestern part of Kyusyu. The distance from Tokyo to Nagasaki is 967 kilometers1 as the crow flies. And Nagasaki is very near close to the Korean Peninsula, China and various countries in the south East Southeast Asia2. Also the distance from Nagasaki to Shanghai is 850 kilometers and from Tsushima to Pusan is only 49.5 kilometers. 

 

コメント

 

1.       いろいろな距離が出てきますが、the distance from A to B is Cという形で統一して表現してあるのでわかりやすいですね。私が昔に英語を習ったときは、「同じ表現形式を避ける」と言われましたが、事実を伝えるプレイン・イングリッシュでは、このように同じ形式の表現を繰り返すことでかえって内容が正確に伝わります。

 

2.       東南アジアという固有名詞としてSoutheast Asiaと表現します。アジアの東南、というように場所を指すときは、Thailand is located in southeastern Asia. というように使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is the northwestern part of Kyusyu. The distance from Tokyo to Nagasaki is 967 kilometers as the crow flies. And Nagasaki is very close to the Korean Peninsula, China and various countries in Southeast Asia. Also the distance from Nagasaki to Shanghai is 850 kilometers and from Tsushima to Pusan is only 49.5 kilometers. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(rikarika, 9 Aug 05

 

Nagasaki pref. is located at northwest side of Kyushu Island, 967km away from Tokyo in a straight line and near from Korean Peninsula, China and Southeast Asia nations: only 85km away from Shanghai and 49.5km away from Pusan to Tsushima.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki prefPrefecture1. is located at the northwestern side of Kyushu Island, 967km away from Tokyo in a straight line and is near from to the Korean Peninsula, China and Southeast Asian nations: only 85km away from Shanghai and 49.5km away from to Pusan to from Tsushima2.

 

コメント

 

1.       英作文では略式表記を使わないようにしましょう。

 

2.       コロンで区切って、そのあとを前の文の説明にしたのが良いですね。コロンの次にくるものが前の文の内容の説明だと読者にわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is located at the northwestern side of Kyushu Island, 967km away from Tokyo in a straight line and is near to the Korean Peninsula, China and Southeast Asian nations: only 85km away from Shanghai and 49.5km away to Pusan from Tsushima.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(Kappa2005

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is situated in the north west of Kyushu Island, being 967 kilometer straight from Tokyo. It locates close to Korea Peninsula, China Continental and South East Asian countries, being 850 kilometer from Shanghai and merely 49.5 kilometer from Pusan.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is situated in the north west of Kyushu Island, being 967 kilometers on the straight line 1from Tokyo. It locatesd close to Korea Peninsula, China Continental and Southe East Asian countries2, being 850 kilometers from Shanghai and merely 49.5 kilometers from Pusan.

 

コメント

 

1.       わかりやすい英文ですね。直線距離となっていますが、他の場所との距離も多分同様に測ったもののようなので、on the straight lineは無くてもよいでしょう。

 

2.       「朝鮮半島や中国大陸、東南アジアのいろいろな国」は曖昧な表現で正確には「朝鮮半島中国大陸それに東南アジアにあるいろいろな国」のことなのでしょうが、投稿のようにも解釈できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is situated in the northwest of Kyushu Island, being 967 kilometers on the straight line from Tokyo. It located close to Korea Peninsula, China and Southeast Asian countries, being 850 kilometers from Shanghai and merely 49.5 kilometers from Pusan.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(かっぱん、11 April 05

 

Nagasaki prefecture is located in the Northwestern in Kyushu and is 967 kilometers far from Tokyo by airline distance. Also it is close to the Korean Peninsula, mainland China, and various southeast Asia nations. For example, the distance between Nagasaki and Shanghai is 850 kilometers; and Tsushima, a island of Nagasaki, and Pusan is only 49.5 kilometers far.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki pPrefecture1 is located in the Nnorthwestern part in of Kyushu and is 967 kilometers far from Tokyo by airline distance. Also it It is also is close to the Korean Peninsula, mainland China, and various southeast Asian nations2. For example, the distance between Nagasaki and Shanghai is 850 kilometers; and Tsushima, an island off Nagasaki, and Pusan is only 49.5 kilometers far.

 

コメント

 

1.       長崎県は固有名詞なのでthe Prefecture of NagasakiまたはNagasaki Prefectureと表現します。

 

2.       southeast Asian nations とするか、またはvarious nations in southeast Asiaと表現できます。東南アジアの国々が長崎から近い、というのは、どこと比べてかはっきりしませんが、日本語の原文があいまいな表現が多くて英文で明確にする方法がありません。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is located in the northwestern part of Kyushu and is 967 kilometers from Tokyo by airline distance. It is also close to the Korean Peninsula, mainland China, and various southeast Asian nations. For example, the distance between Nagasaki and Shanghai is 850 kilometers; and Tsushima, an island off Nagasaki, and Pusan is only 49.5 kilometers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4 (マウント60、28 June 04)

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is located in northwestern Kyushu. The distance between Nagasaki and Tokyo is 967 kilometers as the crow flies. It is close to the Korean Peninsula, Mainland China and other southeast Asian nations. Shanghai is 850 kilometers away and Pusan is only 49.5 kilometers from Tsushima, one of the cities in Nagasaki.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is located in northwestern Kyushu. The distance between Nagasaki and Tokyo is 967 kilometers as the crow flies. It is close to the Korean Peninsula, Mainland China and other southeast Asian nations. Shanghai is 850 kilometers away and Pusan is only 49.5 kilometers from Tsushima, one of the cities in Nagasaki.

 

コメント

 

1.       内容が整理されていてわかりやすい文章です。「対馬からプサンまで」は内容が異質ですが、one of the cities in Nagasakiと補足説明が入っていて良くわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

添削はありません。

 

 

読者からの投稿 3 (tama, 24 Feb 04)

 

Nagasaki prefecture is in the west northern part of Kyushu, whose slant distance from Nagasaki to Tokyo is 967 kilometers. It is close to various countries such as Korean Peninsula, China, and East southern Asian countries. The distance to Shanghai is 850 kilometers, and also the distance from Tsushima to Pusan is slightly 49.5 kilometers.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki pPrefecture1 is in the west northern northwestern2 part of Kyushu, whose slant distance major city, from Nagasaki3, to Tokyo is 967 kilometers from Tokyo in a straight line. It The prefecture is close to various countries such as  on the Korean Peninsula4, the continent of China, and in the southeastern part of Asia East southern Asian countries. The distance to from Nagasaki to Shanghai is 850 kilometers, and also the distance from Tsushima to Pusan is slightly only 49.5 kilometers.

 

コメント

 

1.       「長崎県」はthe Prefecture of NagasakiまたはNagasaki Prefectureと表現します。

 

2.       日本語では東西を基準にして西北、東南といいますが、英語では南北を基準にしてnorthwest, southeastと表現します。不思議ですね。

 

3.       「東京までの直線距離が967キロ」とありますが、長崎県のどこを基準にするかで違ってきますね。tamaさんは長崎市と解釈していますが、多分そうでしょう。それにしても967キロと正確な数字なので、長崎市のどこから東京都のどこまでを測るのでしょうね。

 

4.       ここのところも日本語の表現が曖昧ですね。朝鮮半島には二つ国があり、中国大陸は地理用語なので西の端はどこまでが中国大陸なのかわかりませんが、少なくとも中国人民共和国とモンゴル人民共和国があります。そこでここでは朝鮮半島、中国大陸、東南アジアを地理用語に使って添削のようにしました。こういう曖昧な日本文は英作文のテキストには不向きなようですが、この日本文はある地方政府の広報誌の文章を短くしたのもです。内容を英文で表現しようとすると、日本文の内容の曖昧さに気づきます。日本語が曖昧な言語であると言うのではなく、書いた人が文章の曖昧さに気づいていないということです。このような日本文の内容を表現する必要があるときは、曖昧さをなくし出来るだけ正確にするようにします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is in the northwestern part of Kyushu, whose major city, Nagasaki, is 967 kilometers from Tokyo in a straight line. The prefecture is close to various countries on the Korean Peninsula, the continent of China, and in the southeastern part of Asia . The distance from Nagasaki to Shanghai is 850 kilometers, and the distance from Tsushima to Pusan is  only 49.5 kilometers.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(tonton, 2 April 03

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is in the northwest of Kyushu, 967 kilometers from Tokyo in a straight line. It is close to the Korean Peninsula, Chinese Continent and many countries in Southeast Asia. The distance is 850 kilometers from Nagasaki to Shanghai, and then only 49.5 kilometers from Tsushima, an island in the south of Nagasaki, to Pusan City in South Korea.

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is in the northwest part 1of Kyushu, and is2 967 kilometers from Tokyo in a straight line. It is close to the Korean Peninsula, Chinese Continent Mainland China 3and many countries in Southeast Asia. The distance is 850 kilometers from Nagasaki to Shanghai, 4and then only 49.5 kilometers from Tsushima, an island in the south of Nagasaki, to Pusan City in South Korea.

 

コメント

 

1.       Nagasaki is in the northwest of Kyushu.ですと「長崎は九州の北西の方角にあります。」になりますからin the northwest part of Kyusyu「九州の北西部に」にします。

 

2.       コンマだけですと、九州自体が東京から967キロのところにある、と取れますから、ここではコンマをとってand isを入れてはっきりさせました。

 

3.       「中国大陸」はthe continent of Chinaですが、中国大陸がユーラシア大陸のどこを指すのか、私には良く分かりません。Mainland Chinaは中華人民共和国 (People’s Republic of China) のことを台湾の中華民国(台湾)(Republic of China, Taiwan)と対比して示すときの簡単な呼称です。日本文が地理名(朝鮮半島)と国とを混在させているのでやっかいです。地理名に統一するなら、朝鮮半島、中国大陸、東南アジアにするべきでしょう。

 

4.       ここにコンマあると、文がいったん切れるのでandのあとの49.5 kilometersがなにをさすのか少し戸惑います。コンマ除去して文の主語the distanceandの後にも続いていることをはっきりさせたほうが良いでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is in the northwest part of Kyushu and is 967 kilometers from Tokyo in a straight line. It is close to the Korean Peninsula, Mainland China and many countries in Southeast Asia. The distance is 850 kilometers from Nagasaki to Shanghai and only 49.5 kilometers from Tsushima, an island in the south of Nagasaki, to Pusan in South Korea.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(あかね、27 Dec 02

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is located in the north-west corner of Kyusyu Island. The straight-line distance to Tokyo is 967 kilometers. The prefecture is close the Korean Peninsula, the mainland China, and countries in southeast Asia. For example, the straight-line distance to Shanghai is 850 kilometers. The distance between the Tsushima Islands and Pusan is just 49.5 kilometers. 

 

添削

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is located in the north-west northwest corner of Kyusyu Island. The straight-line distance to Tokyo is 967 kilometers. The Nagasaki pPrefecture1 is also2 close to the Korean Peninsula, the mainlandMainland China, and countries in southeast Asia. For example, the straight-line distance to Shanghai is 850 kilometers. and3 Tthe distance between the Tsushima Islands and Pusan is just 49.5 kilometers.

 

コメント

 

日本文は長崎県を主語にして、いろいろな情報を次々に並べています。よく見る文体ですが、日本語の融通の効く構造の見本です。英語でも一つの文で日本文の内容を表現することも出来ますが、あかねさんのようにいくつかの文に分けて表現したほうが、内容がわかりやすく、読者に親切です。

 

1.       The prefectureとしてもわかりますが、固有名詞なのでNagasaki Prefectureとフルネームで書いたほうが読者に親切でしょう。

 

2.       小文で文章を構成するときには、文と文のつながりを作って、文章全体の読みやすさを工夫します。ここではalsoをいれて文のつながりをつくりました。

 

3.       ここはandで前の文とつなげました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nagasaki Prefecture is located in the northwest corner of Kyusyu Island. The straight-line distance to Tokyo is 967 kilometers. Nagasaki Prefecture is als close to the Korean Peninsula, Mainland China, and countries in southeast Asia. For example, the straight-line distance to Shanghai is 850 kilometers and the distance between Tsushima Islands and Pusan is just 49.5 kilometers.