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初級練習問題の添削 16

 

(27 Dec 02) (11 March 03) (28 June 04) (11 April 05) (15 July 05) (9 Aug 05) (2 March 06) (22 March 06) (20 Sept 06) (5 Nov 06) (22 Nov 06) (24 Nov 06) (12 April 07) (25 Aug 07)   

(1 Nov 07) (30 Jan 08) (4 July 09) (6 Oct 09)  

 

(11 Jan 10) (25 March 10) (10 March 12) (31 Aug 13) (12 Sept 13) (20 Nov 13)

 

職場で事故で亡くなったり、怪我をする人は年々減っている。しかし、去年死亡した人は2000人近い。怪我で四日以上仕事を休んだ人は12万人を越える。

 

読者からの投稿 26(owl, 20 November 13

 

Less and less people lose their lives or get injured at work year by year. However, nearly 2,000 people died during work last year. Also, over 120,000 people were absent from work for more than three days because of injury last week.

 

添削

 

Less and less people have been killed1 lose their lives or get injured at work year by year. However, nearly 2,000 people died during work last year. Also, over 120,000 people were absent from work for more than three days because of injuriesy last week.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

英文はこのような場合 be killed, get killedと直裁な表現を好みます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Less and less people have been killed or get injured at work year by year. However, nearly 2,000 people died during work last year. Also, over 120,000 people were absent from work for more than three days because of injuries last week.

 

 

読者からの投稿 25(sasuke, 12 September 13

 

The number of people who are killed or injured in accidents at work places is declining year by year. However, almost 2,000 people were died last year and over 120,000 people got four or more days off work.

 

添削

 

The number of people who are killed or injured in accidents at work places has been is declining year by year. However, almost 2,000 people were died last year and over 120,000 people got four or more days off work.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of people who are killed or injured in accidents at work places has been  declining year by year. However, almost 2,000 people were died last year and over 120,000 people got four or more days off work.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 24(文月、31 August 13

 

The number of deaths and injuries by accident at the workplace is decreasing every year. However, still near 2,000 people were killed during work and over 120,000 people were absent from work more than four days last year.

 

添削

 

The number of deaths and injuries by accident at the workplace has been is decreasing every year. However, last year still nearly 2,000 people were killed during work and over 120,000 people were absent from work more than four days due to injuries last year.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       「いままでずっと減ってきている」の意味ですから、添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       数字が去年一年間のものだと最初にわかるようにうするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of deaths and injuries by accident at the workplace has been decreasing every year. However, last year still nearly 2,000 people were killed during work and over 120,000 people were absent from work more than four days due to injuries .

 

 

読者からの投稿 23(Valley winds, 10 March 12

 

People died or got injured at work are decreasing year by year. But last year almost two thousand people died and over 120 thousand people missed more than 4 days of work because of injuries.

 

添削

 

The number of Ppeople who get killed1 died or got injured at work has been are decreasing year by year. But last year almost two thousand people got killed died and over 120 thousand people missed more than 4 days of work because of injuries.

 

コメント

 

最初の文は文法的にはおかしいですが、意味はわかります。

 

1.       事故で死亡するはdieではなくげget killedを使うのが一般的です。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of people who get killed or injured at work has been decreasing year by year. But last year almost two thousand people got killed and over 120 thousand people missed more than 4 days of work because of injuries.

 

 

読者からの投稿 22(あんこ、25 March 10

 

The numbers of people dying from accidents and being injured at workplace have been decreasing year by year. Last year, however, about 2,000 people were killed during working hours and over 120 thousands people were injured and off work for more than four days in a row.

 

添削

 

The numbers of people dying killed1 or injured by from accidents and being injured at workplace has have been decreasing year by year. Last year, however, about 2,000 people were killed during working hours and over 120 thousands people were injured and off work for more than four days in a row.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       事故の場合はThe accident killed him. He was killed by the accident.killを使うのが一般的です。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of people killed or injured by accidents at workplace has been decreasing year by year. Last year, however, about 2,000 people were killed and over 120 thousands people were injured and off work for more than four days in a row.

 

 

読者からの投稿 21(Tatsuo, 11 January 10

 

The number of fatalities or injured people in an accident is on the decrease at workplaces. But there were about 2,000 fatalities in last year. Furthermore, the number of the people who was on leave over four days by injury exceeds 120 thousand people.

 

添削

 

The number of fatalities or injured people killed or injured on the job in an accident has been decreasing is on the decrease at workplaces1. But there were about 2,000 fatalities in last year. Furthermore, the number of the people who were was on leave over four days by injuryies exceedsed 120 thousands people.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、最初の文がわかりません。

 

1.       The number of people killed or injured on the jobと主語で対象を明確にするとよいでしょう。投稿では死亡や怪我がどこで起こったか、はっきしりしません。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of people killed or injured on the job has been decreasing. But there were about 2,000 fatalities last year. Furthermore, the number of the people who were on leave over four days by injuries exceeded 120 thousands .

 

 

読者からの投稿 20(Yoshi, 6 October 09

 

People who at work die and are injured due to accidents have decreased each year, but last year 2,000 people die. People who took sick leave more than 4 days were over 120,000.

 

添削

 

The number of Ppeople who were killed1 at work die and  or are injured at work due to accidents have been decreaseding over each years.,  bBut last year close to 2,000 people die were killed. and over 120,000 Ppeople who took sick leaves of more than 4 consecutive2 days were over 120,000.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかります。

 

1.       職場の事故で亡くなる場合にはbe killedを使います。

 

2.       続けて四日以上仕事を休んだ人、という意味だとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of people who were killed or injured at work due to accidents have been decreasing over years. But last year close to 2,000 people were killed and over 120,000 people took sick leaves of more than 4 consecutive days.

 

 

読者からの投稿 19(mxtomi, 4 July 09

 

Less and less people have been dead or injured in their workplace every year. Nevertheless, nearly 2,000 people lost their lives last year. Further, more than 120 thousand people had to be away from work 4 days or more due to job-related injuries for the same period.

 

添削

 

Less and less people have been dead killed or injured in their workplace every year. Nevertheless, nearly 2,000 people lost their lives last year. Further, more than 120 thousand people had to be away from work 4 four days or more due to job-related injuries for in the same period.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが、have been deadの内容がわかりません。ここはdeadという状態ではなくて、were killedという動作が必要です。

 

添削後の文章

 

Less and less people have been killed or injured in their workplace every year. Nevertheless, nearly 2,000 people lost their lives last year. Further, more than 120 thousand people had to be away from work four days or more due to job-related injuries in the same period.

 

 

読者からの投稿 18(kk, 30 January 08

 

The number of people who happen to be killed by accident and get injured in the workplace has been decreasing year by year. Nevertheless, the number of those who were killed last year was nearly 2 thousand and the number of those who took more than  four days off because of injury was over 120 thousand.

 

添削

 

The number of people who are1 happen to be killed or injured by accident and get injured in at their workplace has been decreasing year by year. Nevertheless, the number of those who were killed last year was reached nearly 2 two2 thousand and the number of those who took more than four consecutive days off from work because of injury injuries reached was over 120 thousand.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       一般的にこのような事柄を述べているので現在形にします。

 

2.       数字が小さいときは英単語で記述したほうが読みやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of people who are killed or injured by accident at their workplace has been decreasing year by year. Nevertheless, the number of those who were killed last year reached nearly two thousand and the number of those who took more than four consecutive days off form work because of injuries reached over 120 thousand.

 

 

読者からの投稿 17(dunkel, 1 November 07

 

The total number of the people who are injured or died in their workplace are decreasing every year. But we can still find almost two thousand people died and more than 120 thousand people who are forced to be off their work for more than four days because of the injuries occurred there.

 

添削

 

The total number of the people who are injured or died killed in at their workplace are has been decreasing every year by year. But we can still find almost two thousand people were still killed died and more than 120 thousand people who are were forced to be off their work for more than four days because of their injuries occurred there last year.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、二番目の文の構造が変です。We find ten people died and (we also find) twenty people off their work.という構造ですね。添削ではpeopleを主語にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of people who are injured or killed at their workplace has been decreasing year by year. But almost two thousand people were still killed and more than 120 thousand people were forced to be off their work for more than four days because of their injuries last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(マーチャン、25 August 07

 

Those who are killed or injured in the accidents at workplaces are decreasing in number year after year. But the number of people killed last year was still close to 2,000. Besides, the number of people who were absent from their work for more than four days because of injuries was over 120 thousand.

 

添削

 

Those who are killed or injured in the accidents at workplaces are decreasing in number year after year. But the number of people killed last year was still close to 2,000. Besides, the number of people who were absent from their work for more than four days because of injuries was over 120 thousand1.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の総てがわかります。二番目の文を次のようにすると多数の人が怪我で休んだということの印象が強くなります。

 

Besides, over 120 thousand people stayed away from work for more than four days because of the injuries they had received on the job.

 

添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 14(散歩人、12 April 07

 

The number of those who were killed or were injured by accident in their job has been decreasing every year. However the about 2,000 people were died last year. In addition to the death, those whom injury made be absent from work more than 4 days.

 

添削

 

The number of those people who were killed or were injured by accident in on their job has been decreasing every year. However, the about 2,000 people were died killed1 last year. In addition to the death, over 120 thousand people2 were those whom injury made be absent from work more than 4 days due to injuries.

 

コメント

 

1.       前の文でwere killedという言葉が使われているので、おなじ言葉を使うと内容の関連がはっきりします。

 

2.       この主語が抜けていますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of people who were killed or were injured by accident on their job has been decreasing every year. However, about 2,000 people were killed last year. In addition, over 120 thousand people were absent from work more than 4 days due to injuries.

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(吉、24 November 06

 

The number of people who are killed or injured by office accident is decreasing year by year. However, the number of casualties last year is nearly 2,000. The number of people who have missed work more than four days due to injuries is over 120,000.

 

投稿

 

The number of people who are killed or injured by office an accident on the job1 is decreasing year by year. However, the number of casualties people killed2 last year is was nearly 2,000. and  Tthe number of people who have missed work more than four days due to injuries is was over 120,000.

 

コメント

 

1.       office accidentというと事務所内でおきた事故となります。これには誤ってコンピュータのデータを消去した、というようなものも含まれるでしょう。

 

2.       casualty は(戦争などで)死亡または負傷した人、ですから、ここではthe number of people killedとします。こうすると、後に出てくるthe number of people who ~とも形が対応して文章が読みやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of people who are killed or injured by an accident on the job is decreasing year by year. However, the number of people killed last year was nearly 2,000 and the number of people who missed work more than four days due to injuries was over 120,000.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(Hanasaki, 22 November 06

 

The number of people who die in an accident or get injured at work has been decreasing year by year. However, still about 2000 people died at work and more than 120,000 people were absent from work due to job-related injury for more than four days last year.

 

添削

 

The number of people who die get killed1 or injured in an accident or get injured at work has been decreasing year by year. However, still about 2,000 people got still killed died at work and more than 120,000 people were absent from work for more than four days due to job-related injuryies for more than four days last year.

 

コメント

 

1.       このような時に英文ではget killedと言います。dieより表現が直裁ですね。受動態ですが、能動態のIndustrial accidents killed ~.という意味が含まれていますから、加害者が何なのかはっきりしています。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of people who get killed or injured in an accident at work has been decreasing year by year. However, about 2,000 people got still killed at work and more than 120,000 people were absent from work for more than four days due to job-related injuries last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(岩ちゃん、5 November 06

 

Those who were killed and injured in the accidents at workplaces are decreasing year after year. But the number of deceased people were nearly 2000 last year. The number of people who were absent from their work over four days because of injury were over 120 thousand.

 

添削

 

Those who were are1 killed and or injured in the accidents at workplaces are decreasing in number2 year after year. But the number of deceased3 people killed last year was still close to were nearly 2,000 last year. Besides4, Tthe number of people who were absent from their work for more than over four days because of injury injuries were was over 120 thousand.

 

コメント

 

1.       文全体は ~ are decreasing year after yearと現在形ですから、ここも現在形にします。

 

2.       People are decreasing.という表現はありません。The number of people is decreasing.またはPeople are decreasing in number.とします。People are decreasingとするとこのdecreasingは他動詞になるのでPeople are decreasing their savings.のように目的語を必要とします。

 

3.       deceaseは(いろいろな原因で)死亡する、ですから、ここでは添削のように具体的にします。

 

4.       前の文の内容とつながるようにBesidesを入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Those who are killed or injured in the accidents at workplaces are decreasing in number year after year. But the number of people killed last year was still close to 2,000. Besides, the number of people who were absent from their work for more than four days because of injuries was over 120 thousand.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(だっち、20 September 06

 

The number of people who are killed and wounded by the accidents in their office has been fewer and fewer year by year. But, the number of the killed people was near 2000. And, the number of the wounded people who had to take more than four days holidays were beyond 120,000.

 

添削

 

The number of people who are killed and or wounded by an the accidents1 on the job2 in their office has been decreasing3 fewer and fewer year by year. But, the number of the killed people who were killed4 was near close to 2,000 last year. and And,5 the number of the wounded people who were wounded and had to take more than four days holidays of sick leave6 was were beyond over 120,000.

 

コメント

 

1.       事故は複数起こっているわけですが、ここではby an accident(事故によって)と一つの事故で事故全体を代表します。

 

2.       in the officeというと事務所内、という場所を指すので、on the job仕事中に、にします。

 

3.       decreasingという動詞をいれると動きがあるので内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

4.       the number of people killed was ~と短く表現することも出来ます。しかし、次に出てくるthe number of people who were wounded and ~が長い文でthe number of people wounded and had to take ~という形が使えないので、これに合わしてthe number of people who were killed was ~とするのがよいでしょう。

 

5.       内容に関連があるのでandでつないで一つの文にするほうがよいでしょう。

 

6.       holidaysは休暇休みなのでsick leaveがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of people who are killed or wounded by an accident on the job has been decreasing fewer and fewer year by year. But the number of people who were killed was close to 2,000 last year and the number of people who were wounded and had to take more than four days of sick leave was over 120,000.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(バリコ、22 March 06

 

The number of people who are killed or injured in an accident on the job has been decreasing year by year. Last year, however, nearly 2000 people were killed and over 120 thousand people took four or more days off with an injury.

 

添削

 

The number of people who are killed or injured in an accident on the job has been decreasing year by year. Last year, however, nearly 2000 people were killed1 and over 120 thousand people took four or more days off with an injury.

 

コメント

 

1.       「(事故で)死亡した人は2000人近い。」は日本文の構造に影響されて英文で表現すると、The number of people who were killed was close to 2,000.としてしまいますが、「2000人近い人が(事故で)死亡した。」と言い換えると、バリコさんのようにNearly 2,000 people were killed.という簡潔で直截な表現になりますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

添削箇所はありません。

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(tange, 2 March 06

 

It has been decreasing that people who died of accidents or were injured in the office. Nonetheless people who died were nearly 2,000 last year. It is over 120,000 who were absent from the office for over 4 days because of injuries.

 

添削

 

It has been decreasing that The number of people who died of accidents or were killed or injured in the office on the job has been decreasing1. Nonetheless, nearly 2,000 people who died were killed nearly 2,000 last yea2. It is oOver 120,000 who people were absent from the office for over 4 days because of injuries3.

 

コメント

 

1.       It has been decreasing that people who died of accidents or were injured in the office. 下線部分は名詞句ですね、すると仮の主語はこの名詞句を指しませんから、文の意味がとおりません。主語が長くなりますが、添削のようにThe number of people who were ~とします。die in the officeとすると、仕事とは関係ない心臓梗塞で亡くなったのかなとも考えられます。英文でget killed on the jobkillを使います。日本語の感覚と違ってはっきりしてますね。

 

2.       2,000 peopleを主語にしたほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

3.       It is over 120,000 who were absent from the office for over 4 days because of injuries.ではIt120,000を指しますね。Itの意味が少し曖昧なので、The number of peopleとするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of people who were killed or injured on the job has been decreasing. Nonetheless, nearly 2,000 people were killed last yea. Over 120,000 people were absent from the office for over 4 days because of injuries.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(rikarika, 9 Aug 05

 

The number of industrial-accident victim is gradually reducing. Although nearly two thousands of workers were die of the accident and more than one hundred twenty thousand of workers took four or more days off for the injury.

 

添削

 

The number of industrial-accident victims by industrial accidents1 is has been2 gradually reducing decreasing3. Although But4 nearly two thousands of workers were died of the accidents and more than one hundred twenty thousand of workers took four or more days off from work due to for the industrial injuryies.

 

コメント

 

添削後の文章

 

1.       industrial accident victims でわからないことはないのですが、英文ではaccident victimsのように名詞を続けて複合名詞にすると、この二つの名詞の関係がわかり難くなるので、添削のように助詞をいれてvictims of industrial accidentsとします。

 

2.       ここ数年減少してきた、という意味でしょうから、has been decreasingがよいでしょう。

 

3.       reduceは他動詞なので目的語が必要です。decreaseは自動詞なので、「減少する」の意味に使えます。

 

4.       Although ~, B.のように「〜にもかかわらず、Bだ。」のように使います。投稿例でも、2番目の文の内容全体をさして、「しかしながら(いまだに)〜」というような意味にもつかえますが、この場合はBut ~のほうが読者にわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of victims by industrial accidents has been gradually decreasing. But nearly two thousand workers died of accidents and more than one hundred twenty thousand workers took four or more days off from work due to  industrial injuries.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(Kappa2005, 15 July 05

 

Workers died or injured by accident at the office decreased in number year by year. But, the number of death reaches approximately 2,000 last year. Workers taking a leave more than four days in a row because of an injury exceed 120 thousands.

 

添削

 

Workers who died or get injured by accidents at on the office job have been1 decreaseding in number year by year. But, the number of deaths still reachesd2 approximately 2,000 last year. And the number of Wworkers who took taking a leave of absence longer more than four days in a row because of due to an injury exceeded 120 thousands.

 

添削

 

1.       「年々減っている」ということなのでhave been decreasingとするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       ここからは去年の話なので過去形で統一します。

 

添削後の文章

 

Workers who die or get injured by accidents on the job have been decreasing in number year by year. But the number of deaths still reached approximately 2,000 last year. And the number of workers who took a leave of absence longer than four days in a row  due to an injury exceeded 120 thousand.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(かっぱん、11 April 05

 

Less and less people are killed or injured while they are on the job. Yet, even in last year, almost 2,000 were killed and over 120,000 had to get off the work for four days or more due to the injury they got.

 

添削

 

Less and less people are killed or injured while they are1 on the job. Yet, even in the last year2, almost 2,000 were killed and over 120,000 had to get off the stay away from2 work for four days or more due to the injury injuries they got.

 

コメント

 

1.       これは省略できます。

 

2.       even in the last yearか単にeven last yearになります。

 

3.       Get off the work(その仕事を終える)ではなくてstay away from work(仕事場から離れる)がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Less and less people are killed or injured on the job. Yet, even in the last year, almost 2,000 were killed and over 120,000 had to stay away from work for four days or more due to the injuries they got.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(マウント60、28 June 04

 

Less and less people are killed or injured in work-related accidents. But the death toll in workplaces of last year is close to 2,000. The number of those who had to rest from work due to injuries for more than 3 days exceeds 120,000.

 

添削

 

Less and less people are killed or injured in work-related accidents. But last year the death toll in workplaces of last year is was close to 2,000.and Tthe number of those who had to rest stay away from work due to injuries for more than 3 days exceededs 120,0001.

 

コメント

 

2番目の文は次のようにすると簡単になります。Last year, close to 2,000 people were killed in workplaces and more than 120,000 people had to stay away from work for more than 3 days due to injuries.

 

添削後の文章

 

Less and less people are killed or injured in work-related accidents. But last year the death toll in workplaces was close to 2,000and the number of those who had to stay away from work due to injuries for more than 3 days exceeded 120,000.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3 (tama, 23 Feb 04)

 

People who died from accidents and got injured are decreasing year by year. But about two thousands people died last year. And also those who took four or more days off from work has exceeded one hundred and twenty thousands.

 

添削

 

People who died get killed1 or injured in from accidents on the job and got injured are have been2 decreasing in number3 year by year. But about two thousands people died last year. And also those the number of people who took four or more days off from work has exceeded one hundred and twenty thousands.

 

コメント

 

1.       「事故で亡くなる」はget killed in accidentsと表現します。「自然に亡くなる」のではなくて「事故で殺される」と表現するのが英語の特徴です。日本語の発想は「物事が自然に〜する」ということが多いですが、英語の発想では「AがBに〜する」という表現が多くなります。「異なる言語は異なる発想法を持っており、外国語を学ぶことは、この発想法を理解することである。しかし、外国語の発想法が母語の発想法にも影響を与えるので、外国語の学習者はこのことも自覚して注意しなければならない」という説を示す好例です。

 

2.       「このところしばらく〜が続いている」という内容なのでhave been decreasingとするのが良いでしょう。

 

3.       People are decreasing in number. またはThe number of people is decreasing.と表現します。日本語では「〜の人が減っている」と言えば「〜の人の数が減っている」ということですが、英語ではこの数ということを明示して表現します。

 

添削後の文章

 

People who get killed or injured in accidents on the job have been decreasing in number year by year. But about two thousand people died last year. And also the number of people who took four or more days off from work has exceeded one hundred and twenty thousands.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(tonton, 11 March 03

 

The number of people who get accidentally killed or injured in accidents at work are has been 1 decreasing year by year. Still, last year nearly two thousand people were killed at work . and There were also 2 over one hundred and twenty thousand people3 who were injured and absent from work longer than four days.

 

コメント

 

1.       この文章ではつぎに去年の数字が出てくるので、has been decreasingにしたほうが良いと思います。またこの文ではthe numberが主語になるので動詞は単数の対応します。A number of people were absent yesterday.のような場合はa number ofは「かなりの数の人が」という意味になるので動詞は複数に対応します。

 

2.       死亡した人と怪我で仕事を休んだ人は両方とも去年のことをいっているので、ここでは文を切らずに一つで続けたほうが内容がはっきりします。

 

3.       文章の中に数字が入る場合は小さい数字か、または数字の出てくる回数が限られている場合は文で(two thousand peopleのように)書いてもよいですが、数字が大きくなったり、何回も出てくるときは数字で(2,000 people, 120 thousand people)のように書いたほうがわかりやすいです。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of people who get accidentally killed or injured at work has been decreasing year by year. Still, last year nearly two thousand people were killed at work and over one hundred and twenty thousand people were injured and absent from work longer than four days.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(うらら、27 Dec 02

 

The number of people who get killed or injured on the job has been decreasing every year. Yet, close to 2,000 people were killed on the job and over 120 thousand people got injured and had to leave workplaces more than four day last year.

 

添削

 

The number of people who get killed or injured on the job has been decreasing every year1. Yet, last year,2 almost close to 2,000 people were killed, on the job3 and over 120 thousand people got -were injured enough to miss at least four days of work4. and had to leave workplaces more than four day last year.

 

コメント

 

1.       Peopleを主語にすると次のようにも表現できます。

Less and less people get killed or injured on the job every year.

 

2.       前の文の最後のevery yearに対応して、yet, last year, とすると文のつながりが良くなります。読みやい文章の特徴として文と文のつながりがあります。この「つながり」を作る一つの方法は、前の文に出てきた言葉や、関連した言葉を次の文の最初の方に置くことです。

 

3.       すでに前の文で出てくるので省けます。

 

4.       2,000 people were killed on the job and over 120 thousand people got injured and had to leave workplaces more than four day last year.ですとand had to leave workplaces more than four day last year.andでつないであるので、「去年死亡した人」にもかかるような印象が少しあります(内容を考えればこういうことは無いわけですが)それで、死亡した人についてと怪我をした人についての二つの小文を作ってandでつなげました。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of people who get killed or injured on the job has been decreasing every year. Yet, last year, almost 2,000 people were killed, and over 120 thousand people were injured enough to miss at least four days of work.