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初級練習問題の添削 11

 

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(4 Oct 09) 

 

(4 Jan 10) (8 Jan 10) (5 March 12) (12 Aug 13 ) (24 Aug 13) (17 Nov 13)

 

1125日にNTTは将来展望を示す「光新世代ビジョン」を発表した。NTTは経営資源を従来の固定式電話事業からブロードバンド ネットワークサービスに移し、今後5年間に5000億円程度を投資する。

 

読者からの投稿 29(owl, 17 Nov 13

 

On November 25, NTT released "Vision for the New Optical Communication Generation" to show its future prospects. According to the vision, it is planning to shift its management resources from the current home phone business to broadband network services and invest 500 billion yen in them for the coming five years.

 

添削

 

On November 25, NTT released "A Vision for the New Optical Communication Generation" to show its future prospects. According to the vision, it is planning to shift its management resources from the current home phone business to broadband network services and invest 500 billion yen in them for the coming five years.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On November 25, NTT released "A Vision for the New Optical Communication Generation" to show its future prospects. According to the vision, it is planning to shift its management resources from the current home phone business to broadband network services and invest 500 billion yen in them for the coming five years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 28(文月、24 August 13

 

On November 25th, NTT announced "New Generation Optical Network Vision", showing future prospects. The company will transfer business resources from conventional fixed-line to broadband network service and invest approximately 500 billon yen within the next five years.

 

添削

 

On November 25th, NTT announced "A Vision for the New Generation of Optical Network Vision 1", showing the company’s future prospects in the future. The company will transfer business resources from its conventional fixed-line telephone services to broadband network services and invest approximately 500 billon yen within the next five years.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       日本語では「光新世代ビジョン」のように名詞を続けた複合名詞をよく作りますが、英語では名詞だけを続けると内容が曖昧になります。添削のようにそれぞれの名詞の間の関係がわかるような表現にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

On November 25th, NTT announced "A Vision for the New Generation of Optical Network ", showing the company’s prospects in the future. The company will transfer business resources from its conventional fixed-line telephone services to broadband network services and invest approximately 500 billon yen within the next five years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 27(sasuke, 12 August 13

 

NTT, Nippon Telegraph and Telephone Corporation, announced the new generation vision "Hikari" which shows the prospective view of their business. NTT will shift their business resource to broadband network service from fixed-line business and invest 500 billion yen over the coming five years.

 

添削

 

NTT, Nippon Telegraph and Telephone Corporation, announced its the new generation vision "Hikari" which showed1 shows a the prospective view of its their business in the future. NTT will shift its their business resources to broadband network services from fixed-line business services and invest 500 billion yen over the coming five years.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       動詞の時制の一致です。これは英語の癖だとおもってください。

 

NTT, Nippon Telegraph and Telephone Corporation, announced its new generation vision "Hikari" which showed a prospective view of its business in the future. NTT will shift its  resources to broadband network services from fixed-line services and invest 500 billion yen over the coming five years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 25(Valley winds, 5 March 12

 

November 25th NTT announced “The Optical new generation vision”, presented vista of the future. NTT would shift management resources from fixed-line business to broadband network service and invest about five hundred billion Yen in it next five years.

 

添削

 

On November 25th, NTT announced “A Vision for Tthe Optical nNew gGeneration vision”, that presented a vista of the future for the compay. NTT is going to would shift management resources from fixed-line communication business to broadband network service and invest about five hundred billion Yyen in the new service it in the next five years.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       この文章を書いた時点で、単純未来のできごとですから添削のようにします。

 

添削後の文章

 

On November 25th, NTT announced “A Vision for the Optical New Generation ”, that presented a vista of the future for the company. NTT is going to shift management resources from fixed-line communication business to broadband network service and invest about five hundred billion yen in the new service in the next five years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 24(Tatsuo, 8 January 10

 

NTT revealed “the vision of an optical fiber in new generation that showed their future development on November 25. NTT will move the business resources from ordinary telecommunicating services to broadband network services, and invest them approximately 500 million yen in the coming five years.  

 

添削

 

On November 251, NTT revealed “a2 the vision for of an the new generation of optical fiber communications3 in new generation that showed their future development on November 25. NTT will move its the business resources from ordinary telecommunicatingion services to broadband network services, and invest them approximately about 500 billion4 million yen in the coming five years.  

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       日時は文頭に置くと新聞記事風になります。

 

2.       将来のビジョンはいろいろあるでしょうが、そのうちの一つという意味で不定冠詞になります。

 

3.       「光新世代ビジョン」はいろいろに解釈できますが、添削のようにすると具体的になります。

 

4.       桁数の多い数字の英語表現は間違いやすいです。approximatelyaboutは共に「大体」ですが内容に少し違いがあります。調べてみてください。

 

添削後の文章

 

On November 25, NTT revealed “a vision for the new generation of optical fiber communications that showed their future development. NTT will move its business resources from ordinary telecommunication services to broadband network services and invest about 500 billion yen in the coming five years.  

 

 

読者からの投稿 23(riba, 4 January 09

 

NTT, a Japanese telephone corporation, announced Optic New Generation Vision on Nov. 25th . NTT is going to move the management resources from the fixed telephone service to the broadband network service, in which NTT plans to invest about 500 billion yen in the next five years.

 

添削

 

NTT, a Japanese telephone corporation, announced its new vision called, A Vision for the Optic New Generation of Optical Communications1, Vision on November2 . 25th . NTT is going to move its the management resources from the fixed telephone services to the broadband network services, in which NTT plans to invest about 500 billion yen in the next five years.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       日本文の短い表現だけではわかりにくいですが多分、こういう内容のビジョンでしょう。この英作文講座では日本文の内容が曖昧なときは適当な解釈を加えて、英文の内容が完結するように補足してください。

 

2.       月の名前を省略する必要はありません。

 

添削後の文章

 

NTT, a Japanese telephone corporation, announced its new vision called, A Vision for the  New Generation of Optical Communications, on November 25th. NTT is going to move its  management resources from the fixed telephone services to the broadband network services, in which NTT plans to invest about 500 billion yen in the next five years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 22(Yoshi, 4 October 09

 

NTT announced "Optic LAN for new generation vision" indicating the future vision on 25th  November. The NTT will shift its management resources from conventional fixed telephone business to broadband network service and invest \ 500,000,000,000 for 5 years in the future.

 

添削

 

NTT announced "A Vision Optic LAN for a new generation of Optic LAN vision" on November 25, indicating a the future vision of the company on 25th  November. The NTT will shift its management resources from conventional fixed telephone businesses to broadband network services and invests \ 500 billion yen1 ,000,000,000 for over the next five 5 years in the future.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容のほぼ総てがわかりますが、"Optic LAN for new generation vision"の意味がわかりません。添削のように表現するとよいでしょう。

 

1.       大きな数字は添削のように表現したほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

NTT announced "A Vision for a new generation of Optic LAN " on November 25, indicating a  future vision of the company . NTT will shift its management resources from conventional fixed telephone businesses to broadband network services and invests 500 billion yen over the next five years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 21(mxtomi, 24 June 09

 

NTT announced its strategic plan called “the Vision for a New Era of Optical Communication” on Nov. 25th.  According to the plan, NTT will shift its business resources from the traditional land line to a broadband network and will inject Yen 500 billion of capital into the new business over the next 5 years.

 

添削

 

NTT announced its strategic plan called “the Vision for a New Era of Optical Communication” on Nov November1. 25th.  2According to the plan, NTT will shift its business resources from the traditional land line of services for desktop telephones to a broadband network services and will inject Yen 500 billion yen of capital into the new businesses over the next five 53 years.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       短い文章なので、とくに省略形を使ってスペースを倹約する必要はありません。

 

2.       現在の報告文では、段落の始まりを一字スペースを空けたり、文と文の間を二字空けたりする従来の方法は少なくなっています。

 

3.       文章の中の数字表記法はさまざまですが、このような小さな数字のときはアルファベットで表記するほうが多いです。

 

添削後の文章

 

NTT announced its strategic plan called “the Vision for a New Era of Optical Communication” on November 25th. According to the plan, NTT will shift its business resources from the traditional land line of services for desktop telephones to broadband network services and will inject 500 billion yen of capital into the new businesses over the next five years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 20(kk, 24 January 08

 

NTT announced the prospective vision for so called "optical new generation" on November 25. NTT will transfer their management resources from the traditional fixed telephone business to the broadband network services and will invest about 500 billion yen in the next five years.

 

添削

 

NTT announced the a new1 prospective vision for so called "the optical new generation of optical communications" on November 25. NTT will transfer their management2 resources from the traditional fixed telephone business to the broadband network services and will invest about 500 billion yen in the next five years.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       A visionに将来の予想図という意味がありますから、prospectiveは要りません。この文では巷に「光通信の次世代」というものについての認識が存在し、NTTはこれについての新しいビジョンを発表した、という内容になります。

 

2.       日本文には経営資源とありますが、management resourcesとすると、経営をする人的資源の配分、と言った限定された意味にも取れるので、ここでは単にresourcesがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

NTT announced a new vision for so called "the new generation of optical communications" on November 25. NTT will transfer their resources from the traditional fixed telephone business to the broadband network services and will invest about 500 billion yen in the next five years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 19(dunkel, 26 October 07

 

NTT announced the new corporate vision of concentrating on the optical fiber technology which was called " the vision for optical new generation". NTT would try to move their business resources from the fixed telephone business to the broadband network service. NTT planned to invest about 500 billion yen for next five years.

 

添削

 

NTT announced the a new corporate vision, called " the vision for optical new generation,”1 of concentrating on the optical fiber technology which was called " the vision for optical new generation". NTT would will2 try to move their business resources from the fixed telephone business to the broadband network service. NTT planned plans to invest about 500 billion yen for next five years.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       この場所のほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       これから実行する計画なので単純未来形にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

NTT announced a new corporate vision, called " the vision for optical new generation,”  concentrating on the optical fiber technology. NTT will try to move their business resources from the fixed telephone business to the broadband network service. NTT plans to invest about 500 billion yen for next five years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 18(マーチャン、24 August 07

 

NTT announced "the vision for the new generation of light" that showed the future prospect for fiber optical communications on November 25. NTT will invest about five hundred billion yen in the next five years to move management resources from the existing fixed telephone services to the broadband network services.

 

添削

 

NTT announced "the vision for the new generation of light" that showed the future prospect for fiber optical communications on November 25. NTT will invest about five hundred billion yen in the next five years to move management resources from the existing fixed telephone services to the broadband network services1.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 17(散歩人、10 April 07

 

NTT announced "New-generation Vision for Optical Communications" which meant the foresight of them. According to this announcement, NTT would invest about 500,000,000,000 yen for changing their management resources from fixed-line business which has been usual system to the broadband network system the next five years.

 

添削

 

On November twenty-fifth, NTT announced the "New-generation Vision for Optical Communications", which meant their foresight into the future of optical communications1 of them. According to this announcement vision2, NTT would will3 invest about 500 billion4,000,000,000 yen for changing shifting their management resources from the current fixed-line telephone business which has been usual system to the broadband network system business5 in the next five years.

 

コメント

 

1.       このような補足説明をつけると内容がはっきりします。

 

2.       announcementでもよいですが、既にthe visionが出ているので、この言葉を使うほうが内容が明確になります。

 

3.       これから実際に行うことなのでwillがよいでしょう。

 

4.       大きな数字はthousand, million, billionなどを使って数字部分が短くなるようにすると内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

5.       the current fixed-line telephone businessと対応してthe broadband network system businessとするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On November twenty-fifth, NTT announced the "New-generation Vision for Optical Communications", which meant their foresight into the future of optical communications. According to this vision, NTT will invest about 500 billion yen for shifting their management resources from the current fixed-line telephone business to the broadband network system business in the next five years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 16(moppy, 15 December 06

 

NTT, a giant telecommunication company in Japan, announced "vision of optical new generation". It shows foresight of the company future. NTT has decided to transfer management resources to network business of broadband from telephone business of stationary type and invest 500 billion yen to this business over the next five years.

 

添削

 

NTT, a giant telecommunication company in Japan, announced "the vision of for an optical new generation1". It shows a foresight of for the company’s future. According to the vision2, NTT will3 has decided to transfer management resources from4 telephone business of the stationary type to network business of broadband from telephone business of stationary type and invest 500 billion yen to in this new business over the next five years.

 

コメント

 

1.       ビジョンの表題はわかり難いものが多いですね。NTTのビジョンのことなのでthe vision for an optical new generationで大体の意味は伝わるでしょう。

 

2.       前の文とのつながりをよくします。

 

3.       これはビジョンの中の計画ですから、willと未来形にしたほうがよいでしょう。

 

4.       from A to Bという形のほうが、一般的に内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

NTT, a giant telecommunication company in Japan, announced "the vision for an optical new generation". It shows a foresight for the company’s future. According to the vision, NTT will  transfer management resources from telephone business of the stationary type to network business of broadband and invest 500 billion yen in this new business over the next five years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(吉、18 November 06

 

On 25th of November, NTT announced "Optical New Generation Vision" to outline the future perspective. NTT will shift its management resource from existing fixed-line business to broadband network business and invest 500 billions during next five years.

 

添削

 

On 25th of November, NTT announced "the Vision for a Optical New Generation of Optical Communications Vision1" to outline the a2 future perspective for the company. NTT will shift its management resource from the existing fixed-line business to a broadband network business3 and invest 500 billions during the next five years.

 

コメント

 

1.       the Optical New Generation Visionとすると単語の間の関係が曖昧になります。例えば「(今までは無かったがこれからは)光通信による新しい世代」なのか「(今まであった有った光通信の)新しい世代」なのか曖昧です。the Vision for a New Generation of Optical Communicationsとするとはっきりします。多分、こういう意味でしょうが、標語自体が曖昧ですね。

 

2.       この標語はNTTの将来像を示すものでしょうが、始めて文章に出てくるので不定冠詞にします。

 

3.       businessにはいろいろは用法がありますが、単数形を使って「ある商売の分野全体」を示す用法があります。するとexistingのほうが既に現在行っている商売なので定冠詞、broadbandのほうはこれから拡張する商売なので不定冠詞がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On 25th of November, NTT announced "the Vision for a New Generation of Optical Communications" to outline a future perspective for the company. NTT will shift its management resource from the existing fixed-line business to a broadband network business and invest 500 billions during the next five years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 14(Hanasaki, 17 November 06

 

NTT anounced " The Vision for New -Generation in Light communication system" as its future perspective on November 25. NTT will transfer its management resources from existing fixed telephone businesses to broadband network services and invest about 500 billion yen in the services in the next five years.

 

添削

 

On November 251, NTT anounced announced " The Vision for a New -Generation in the Light Optical cCommunication sSystem" as its future perspective on November 25. NTT will transfer its management resources from existing fixed telephone businesses to broadband network services and invest about 500 billion yen in the services2 in the next five years.

 

コメント

 

1.       a perspective on oil pricesのようにonで次の言葉に続く使い方があるので、文頭に移しました。

 

2.       NTT will transfer ~という説明が既にあるので、これは省略できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

On November 25, NTT announced " The Vision for a New Generation in the Optical Communication System" as its future perspective. NTT will transfer its management resources from existing fixed telephone businesses to broadband network services and invest about 500 billion yen n the next five years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(岩ちゃん、4 November 06

 

NTT announced "the new generation vision on light" that showed the future prospect on November 25. It will have invested about five hundred billion yen for the future five years to move management resources from the existing fixed telephone service to the broadband network service.

 

添削

 

NTT announced "the vision for the new generation vision on of light1" that showed the future prospect for fiber optical communications on November 25. It NTT will have invested2 about five hundred billion yen for in the future next3 five years to move management resources from the existing fixed telephone services to the broadband network services.

 

コメント

 

1.       「光新世代ビジョン」は具体的に何を指すのか、投稿もみなさんが解釈に苦労していますが、わたしは「次世代光通信のビジョン」と解釈しました。the new generation vision on lightのように名詞が連なって新しい名詞を作る(複合名詞)は名詞の間の関係がわかりにくいので英語では嫌います。添削のように前置詞をいれて名詞の関係をはっきりするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       特に未来完了形にする必要なないです。Beijing claims that the city will have completed all facilities for the Olympic Games at least three months before the Games start.というような場合は未来完了形には意味があります。

 

3.       今後五年間に、はin the next five yearsがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

NTT announced "the vision for the new generation of light" that showed the future prospect for fiber optical communications on November 25. NTT will invest about five hundred billion yen in the next five years to move management resources from the existing fixed telephone services to the broadband network services.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(だっち、5 September 06

 

NTT presented “the vision of light new generation” that meaned the vision of NTT in the future. So far NTT put its funds on un-mobile phones. But, it will transfer its funds into broad band net work service, and invest about fifty billions on the new service after this 5years.

 

添削

 

On November twenty-fifth, NTT presented announced1 “the vision of for the light new generation of optical communications2” that meaned meant the vision of for NTT in the future. So far NTT put a majority of its funds resources3 into on un-mobile fixed-type phones. But, it will transfer its funds resources into broad band net work services, and invest about fifty five hundred billions yen on in the new services in the next after this 5 years.

 

コメント

 

1.       The president presented an annual report to share-holders.というように使うのでNTT presented its vision to the public.としてもよいですが、NTT announced the vision.という形の方がわかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       「光新世代ビジョン」は標語なので本当に何を意味するのかわかりませんが、多分「次世代光通信のためのビジョン」でしょう。このような標語は内容を推量して英文で表現します。

 

3.       fundsというとfinancial fundsの意味になるので、ここでは人的資源もふくめたresourcesがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On November twenty-fifth, NTT announced “the vision for the  new generation of optical communications” that meant the vision for NTT in the future. So far NTT put a majority of its resources into fixed-type phones. But, it will transfer its resources into broad band net work services, and invest about five hundred billion yen in the new services in the next 5 years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(ピンクのくじら、7 July 06

 

The NTT company announced on November 25 “Hikari new generation vision” which shows the vision of the future. The NTT will change its operating resources from the business for conventional fixed-type telephone to the broad band network service, and invest about five hundreds billions yen in the new business for the next five years.

 

添削

 

The NTT Corporation1 company announced on November 25 “Hikari : a new generation vision for the next generation of optical communications2,” which shows the vision of the future for the company. The NTT will change the focus of3 its operating resources from the business for conventional fixed-type telephone system to the broad band network services, and invest about five hundreds billions yen in the new business for in the next five years4.

 

コメント

 

1.       NTTの正式英語名はNippon Telegraph and Telephone Corporation ですが、NTTが会社名だということがわかるようにNippon Corporation と簡単に記述すればよいでしょう。

 

2.       このような標語は日本語でも何を言いたいのかわからないものが多いですね。想像力を発揮して適当に意味を解釈して説明的に英文で表現するより仕方がないです。

 

3.       move its operating resources from A to Bと表現できますが、changeは意味の範囲が広いのでchange its operating resources from A to Bとすると経営資源の質を変える、というようにとれます。

 

4.       このような日本文は普段は使わない英語表現があるので(将来の展望、固定式電話事業など)内容を英文で表現しようとすると難しく見えます。先ずは和英で英単語の見当をつけ、次にこの英単語の用例を英英辞書で調べておきます。このような下調べが終わったら英文の基本構造を決めましょう。「NTTわ新しいビジョンを発表した。」、「NTTは経営資源をAからBに移す。」、「NTTは5000億円を新事業に投資する。」が基本構造の一例です。この基本構造さえ決めてしまえば後は修飾句、節を付け加えるだけになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

NTT Corporation announced on November 25 “Hikari : a new vision for the next generation of optical communications,” which shows the vision of the future for the company. NTT will change the focus of its operating resources from the business for conventional fixed-type telephone system to the broad band network services, and invest about five hundreds billion yen in the new business in the next five years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(バリコ、21 March 06

 

Nippon Telegraph and Telephone CorporationNTTrevealed ‘new generation’s vision on optical.This vision introduces the future prospects; NTT plans to invest \500 billion or so into broadband and networking services in the next five years. It is because that NTT will transfer its management resources from the old fixed telephone businesses to broadband and networking service businesses.

 

添削

 

Nippon Telegraph and Telephone CorporationNTTrevealed ‘new generation’s vision on optical a vision of the new generation of optical communication1.This vision introduces the future prospects for NTT2; NTT plans to invest \500 billion or so into broadband and networking services in the next five years. ItThis3 is because that NTT will transfer its management resources from the old fixed telephone businesses to broadband and networking service businesses.

 

コメント

 

1.       「光新世代ビジョン」というキャッチワードは一体何を意味するか議論の多い所です。もし、「次世代光通信のビジョン」ということなら、添削のようになります。Collins COBUILD (私が英作文のために一番お世話になっている辞書です)によれば、Your vision of a future situation or society is what you imagine or hope it would be like, if things were very different from the way they are now. だそうです。vision事態に「新しい」という意味が入っています。

 

2.       This vision introduces the future prospects for NTT; ~と先ずビジョンの説明を入れておいたのがよいですね。日本文の内容の順序を英文では変えて、大事な情報5000億円の投資を先に持ってきたのが効果的です。

 

3.       前の文章の内容を指しているので、すぐ近くのものThisを使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nippon Telegraph and Telephone CorporationNTTrevealed ‘ a vision of the new generation of optical communication.’ This vision introduces the future prospects for NTT; NTT plans to invest \500 billion or so into broadband and networking services in the next five years. This is because that NTT will transfer its management resources from the old fixed telephone businesses to broadband and networking service businesses.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(tange, 22 February 06

 

NTT, Nippon telegraph and Telephone Corporation, announced the future prospects called “The Vision of New Generation by Optical Networking” on 25th of November. NTT is going to shift their management resources from the traditional landline telephone businesses to broadband networking services. And they will have invested around 500 billion yen (4.5 billion dollars) in the plan for 5 years.

 

添削

 

NTT, Nippon tTelegraph and Telephone Corporation (NTT)1, announced the its2 future prospects called “The Vision of for the New Generation by of Optical Networking3” on the 25th of November. NTT is going to shift their its management resources from the traditional landline telephone businesses to broadband networking services. And they will have invested around 500 billion yen (4.5 billion dollars)4 in the plan for next 5 years.

 

コメント

 

1.       正式名称を最初に書き、略式名称を括弧内に書く、というのが通常の表現方法です。

 

2.       伝統的にはitsとしますが、現在では会社内で働いている人を明示するようにtheirという表現を使うこともあります。

 

3.       「光新世代ビジョン」の意味の解釈はこの練習問題で議論の多いものです。the vision of the new generation by optical networkingとすると、光通信を(頻繁に)使う次の世代の人達の(どんな生活をするかなどについての)ビジョン、となります。ここではthe vision for the new generation of optical networking、(技術的に)次の訪れる光通信(社会)についてのビジョン、としました。

 

4.       この添削講座の英文は英語圏の読者を想定しているので、ドル表示は親切ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

Nippon Telegraph and Telephone Corporation (NTT), announced its future prospects called “The Vision for the New Generation of Optical Networking” on the 25th of November. NTT is going to shift its management resources from the traditional landline telephone businesses to broadband networking services. And they will have invested around 500 billion yen (4.5 billion dollars) in the next 5 years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(Mehana, 9 February 06

 

NTT have announced “Fiber cable vision for new generation” in Nov. 25th. NTT will transfer their resources to broadband network from current stationary telephone business and invest almost 500 billion in next five years.

 

添削

 

NTT have has1 announced “A Fiber cCable vVision for the nNew gGeneration2in on Nov.ember3 25th. NTT will transfer their resources to network services by a broadband network from current stationary telephone businesses and invest almost 500 billion in the next five years.

 

コメント

 

1.       会社は単数として扱います。では次の文に出てくるtheir resourcesits resourcesにするかというと、どちらの用法もあります。本来はits resourcesですが、会社を擬人化してtheir resourcesというように読者に親しみを与えるような表現も増えてきています。

 

2.       この添削講座は実務文を書くことを目的にしています。実務文ははフォーマルな文書なので簡略形は使わないようにしています。

 

3.       「光新世代ビジョン」は意味が曖昧です。Mehanaさんは「新しい世代のための光ケーブル(コミュニケーション)ビジョンと解釈しています。NTTの標語なので添削のように大文字を使って、これが独自なものだと示すとよいでしょう。「光新世代ビジョン」を「新世代の光コミュニケーションのビジョン」と解釈すれば、A Vision for the New Generation of Fiber Cable Communication”となるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

NTT has announced “A Fiber Cable Vision for the New Generation” on November 25th. NTT will transfer their resources to network services by a broadband network from current stationary telephone businesses and invest almost 500 billion in the next five years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(rikarika, 8 Aug 05

 

On November 25th, NTT announced ‘New Generation Light Vision’ that indicate their future prospective. NTT is going to transfer its administrative resources form former fixed phone business to newly broad band business and invest about five hundred billion yen in next five years.

 

添削 

 

On November 25th, NTT announced the Vision for a New Generation of Light Vision’ Communications’1 that indicated2 their future prospective. NTT is going to transfer its administrative resources form former fixed phone business to newly new3 broad band business and invest about five hundred billion yen in the next five years.

 

コメント

 

1.       「光新世代ビジョン」は標語なので内容が良くわかりませんね。「新世代の光通信のためのビジョン」と解釈すればthe Vision for a New Generation of Light Communicationsになります。標語の英文表現は難しいですが、わたしは内容を解釈して具体的に表現するようにしています。

 

2.       このビジョンは将来のためですが、時制の一致で過去形にしておいてよいでしょう。

 

3.       newly は副詞なので、newly-emerging broadband businessというようになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On November 25th, NTT announced the ‘Vision for a New Generation of Light Communications’ that indicated their future prospective. NTT is going to transfer its administrative resources form former fixed phone business to new broadband business and invest about five hundred billion yen in the next five years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(Kappa2005, 6 July 05

 

On 25th November, NTT announced “Vision in Light New Generation” indicating a future prospect. NTT shifts its management resources from conventional fixed type of telephone business to a broad band network services. They will invest approx.5,000 million Yen in the next five years.

 

添削

 

On 25th of November, NTT announced a “Vision in for the Light New Generation of Light1” indicating a future prospect for NTT2. According to the vision3, NTT will shifts its management resources from the conventional fixed- type of telephone business to a broad band network services. They will invest approximately4.5,000 million 500 billion5 Yyen in the next five years.

 

コメント

 

1.       「光新世代ビジョン」は内容がはっきりしないのでいろいろな解釈ができますが、「光(通信)の新世代のためのビジョン」とすれば添削のようになります。このように名詞が並べてある日本語複合名詞は英文では単に名詞を並べただけでは意味のわからないことが多いので前置詞などを補う必要があります。

 

2.       添削のようにfor NTT を入れると意味がはっきりします。

 

3.       文と文のつなぎに添削のような接続句をいれると文章が読みやすくなります。

 

4.       序実文、報告書の類には単語の省略表記はしないほうがよいでしょう。

 

5.       桁数の多い日本数字の英語表記はめんどうですね。わたしは10億=1 billionと覚えています。

 

添削後の文章

 

On 25th of November, NTT announced a “Vision for the New Generation of Light1” indicating a future prospect for NTT. According to the vision, NTT will shift its management resources from the conventional fixed- type of telephone business to broad band network services. They will invest approximately 500 billion yen in the next five years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(かっぱん、11 April 05

 

On November 25, NTT released its future business plan, “The Vision of New Era with Optical Communication”. To achieve this plan, NTT will shift their resources from the existing stationary type telephone services to broadband network services and will invest 500 billion yen in the next five years.

 

添削

 

On November 25, NTT released its future business plan, “The Vision of New Era with Optical Communications1”. To achieve this plan2, NTT will shift their resources from the existing stationary type telephone services to broadband network services and will invest 500 billion yen in the next five years.

 

コメント

 

1.       通信システムとしてのcommunicationsは複合名詞として複数形で使います。

 

2.       文と文のつなぎとしてこの句を入れたのがよいですね。プレイン・イングリッシュでは内容を確実に伝えるために短い文を使いますが、このような句を挿入すると文と文の関連がはっきりして文章が読みやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On November 25, NTT released its future business plan, “The Vision of New Era with Optical Communications”. To achieve this plan, NTT will shift their resources from the existing stationary type telephone services to broadband network services and will invest 500 billion yen in the next five years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4 (マウント60、23 June 04)

 

On November 25, NTT announced "Light New Generation Vision," which shows the company's projections for the future. NTT will shift its management resources from the existing fixed telephone service to broadband network service, investing roughly 500 billion yen for the next five years.

 

添削

 

On November 25, NTT announced the "Light New Generation Vision," which shows the company's projections for the future. To move the company towards its vision1, NTT will shift its management resources from the existing fixed -telephone services to broadband network services, investing roughly 500 billion yen for the next five years.

 

コメント

 

日本文には入っていませんが、最初の文と次の文の内容をつなげるために、このような副詞句を入れると良いとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

On November 25, NTT announced the "Light New Generation Vision," which shows the company's projection for the future. To move the company towards its vision, NTT will shift its management resources from the existing fixed-telephone services to broadband network services, investing roughly 500 billion yen for the next five years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(tama, 17 Feb 04

 

NTT announcedthe vision of light new generation”, which shows its future development, on November 25. NTT will transfer its management resource from stationary type telephone business to broadband network service and will invest approximately 500 billion yen in five years.

 

添削

On November 25, 20021, NTT announced its new business plan2,the The vVision of light a nNew gGeneration of Optical Communications3., which shows its future development, on November 25. NTT will transfer its management and financial4 resources from the5 stationary type telephone business to broadband network services and will invest approximately 500 billion yen in five years.

 

コメント

 

1.       文の中の日時はいろいろなところに置くことができます。I did not go to school yesterday. Yesterday, I did not go to school. の例のように後者では「昨日は」を文頭の持ってきて強調できます。この添削問題は新聞記事の要約で、ニュースの新鮮さが大切ですから、日時は文頭に持ってきたほうがよいです。この記事は昨年のものなので、現在の時点で英文で表現するならば年号も入れたほうが親切でしょう。

 

2.       投稿のようにwhich clauseで説明しても良いですが、添削のように短くすることも出来ます。

 

3.       「光新世代ビジョン」はこれだけでは何のことやらわかりませんが、「光通信技術の応用の新世代」という意味と解釈して添削のようにしました。NTTの標語なので “The Vision of a New Generation of Optical Communications”として、ある独自なものを指すようにしました。日本でニュースを追っていればわかるようなことが、日本文の中で説明のないまま使われているときは、英文ではその説明を付け加える必要があります。この英文の想定読者がどれだけ日本の事情を知っているか、という問題になりますが、この添削講座では、「あまり知らない」ということを想定して、説明を加えるようにします。

 

4.       「経営資源」が何を指すか、この日本文だけではわかりませんが、投資額のことがでて来るのでmanagement and financial resourcesとしたほうが良いでしょう。

 

5.       Stationary type telephone serviceは一般的なので、ここではtheをつけて(NTTの)固定式電話事業を指すようにします。broadband network servicesは前のtheがまだここに掛かっているのでtheを省略できます。

 

添削後の文章

 

On November 25, 2002, NTT announced its new business plan,The Vision of a New Generation of Optical Communications.” NTT will transfer its management and financial resources from the stationary type telephone business to broadband network services and will invest approximately 500 billion yen in five years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(tonton, 22 Feb 03

 

A Japanese telephone company, NTT made an announcement of its future operating system on November 25. It is called "the Vision for the New Optics Age " and it indicates the followings: The company transfers its financial resources from the old fixed telephone business to the broadband network business. It will put about 500 billion yen in this new system for the next five years.  

 

添削

 

On November 251, A a Japanese telephone company, NTT, made an announcement of its future operating system business plan2 on November 25. It is called "the Vision for the New Optics Optical Communication3 Age " and it indicates the followings: The company transfers its financial resources from the old fixed stationary telephone business to the broadband network business. It will put about 500 billion yen in this new system business4 for in the next five years.  

 

コメント

 

tontonさんは日本文の内容を上手に英語の小文に分けて表現しています。…and it indicates the following: The company transfers…とコロンを使って前の文の内容を説明しているところが良く考えてあります。

 

1.       日時は文のどこにでも入れられますが、この文の終わりより始めのほうが文全体の形が良くなると思います。

 

2.       Operating systemですとコンピューターのOSを連想してしまうので、もうすこし意味の広いbusiness planのほうが良いとおもいます。

 

3.       「光新世代ビジョン」はいろいろな表現のしかたがあるでしょうが、「光通信に基づいたコミュニケーションのビジョン」と言う意味でtontonさんのもとの表現を少し変えてみました。

 

4.       文章の最初のほうでbusiness planという言葉を使っているので、ここでも the new businessとしました。文章の中で同じ言葉を何回か使うことで、文章全体としての一貫性が出てきます。

 

添削後の文章

 

On November 25, a Japanese telephone company, NTT, made an announcement of its future business plan. It is called "the Vision for the New Optical Communication Age " and indicates the following: The company transfers its financial resources from the old stationary telephone business to the broadband network business. It will put about 500 billion yen in this new business in the next five years.  

 

読者からの投稿 1(マイク、20 Dec 02

 

On November 25, NTT announced the Vision of the New Light Age for its future direction. According to the vision, NTT is going to shift its resources from the traditional business for stationary telephones to broadband network services and plans to invest 500 billion yen in the next five years.

 

添削

 

On November 25, NTT announced the Vision of the New Light Age for its future direction1. According to the vision, 2NTT is going to shift its resources from the traditional business for 3stationary telephones to broadband network services and plans to invest 500 billion yen in the next five years.

 

コメント

 

1.       1125日にNTTは将来展望を示す「光新世代ビジョン」を発表した。」の文の基本は「NTTは光新世代ビジョンを発表した。」です。そして、このビジョンを説明する「将来展望を示す〜」という修飾句がついています。このような修飾句の使い方は日本語ではごく普通に使われます。このような内容の日本語を英語で表現するときにはいくつかの方法があります。ひとつは次のように修飾句を独立した文にすることです。

 

On November 25, NTT announced the “Vision of the New Light Age.” The vision maps out NTT’s future direction.

 

上の二つの文を次のように連結することも出来ます。

On November 25, NTT announced the “Vision of the New Light Age,” that maps out NTT’s future direction.

 

マイクさんの投稿はこれをさらに短くして修飾句にしてあります。

On November 25, NTT announced the “Vision of the New Light Age” for its future direction.

 

日本語の修飾節が短くて、英語でこれを説明する短い修飾節を書くことが出来れば、英文は簡潔になります。しかし、日本文の修飾節が長いとき、または内容が複雑なときは独立した文にしたほうが英文を書きやすく、また内容もわかりやすくなるでしょう。

 

2.       NTTを主語にした文なのでAccording to the visionは無くても良いでしょう。

 

3.       これは無くても内容は伝わりますから、省略しました。

 

添削後の文章

 

On November 25, NTT announced the “Vision of the New Light Age” for its future direction. NTT is going to shift its resources from stationary telephones to broadband network services and plans to invest 500 billion yen in the next five years.