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初級練習問題の添削 9

 

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米自動車メーカー各社が一日発表した十月の新車販売台数は、最大手のゼネラル・モーターズ(GM)が前年同期比321%減となったのをはじめ米三大メーカーがそろって三割以上の大幅減少を記録した。

 

読者からの投稿 31(文月、21 September 15

 

According to announcements on the sales volume of new cars in October by U.S. auto manufacturers on the first day of this month, all of the big three automakers recorded significant decreases of more than 30% in sales volume compared to the same period in the previous year, including the 32.1% decrease of the industry leading General Motors (GM).

 

添削

 

According to announcements on the sales volume of new cars in October by U.S. auto manufacturers on the first day of this month, all of the big three automakers recorded significant decreases of more than 30% in sales volume compared to the same period in the previous year, including the a 32.1% decrease of the industry leader leading General Motors (GM).

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。事実関係がわかりやすく整理されています。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to announcements on the sales volume of new cars in October by U.S. auto manufacturers on the first day of this month, all of the big three automakers recorded significant decreases of more than 30% in sales volume compared to the same period in the previous year, including a 32.1% decrease of the industry leader  General Motors (GM).

 

 

読者からの投稿 30(owl, 15 November 13

 

On November 1, major American car makers released the sales of new cars in October. According to them, the three biggest U.S. automakers all experienced a more than 30% decline in new-car sales, including General Motors, which recorded a 32. 1 % drop.

 

添削

 

On November 1, major American car makers released the sales of new cars in October. According to them, the three biggest U.S. automakers all experienced a more than 30% decline in new-car sales, including General Motors, which recorded a 32. 1 % drop.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。添削箇所はありません。

 

 

読者からの投稿 29(sasuke, 5 August 13

 

According to the announcement of October's new car sales of each automaker in the U.S., General Motors Company(GM) which is the largest automaker was down 32.1% from the same term last year. In the end, the U.S. top three automakers recorded a substantial decrease which is more than 30%.

 

添削

 

According to the announcement of October's new car sales of each automaker in the U.S., General Motors Company(GM), which is the largest automaker, decreased its sales1 was by down 32.1% from the same term last year. Altogether, In the end, the U.S. top three automakers recorded a substantial decrease of which is more than 30%.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       General Motors Company が主語なので、添削のような形にするとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to the announcement of October's new car sales of each automaker in the U.S., General Motors Company(GM), which is the largest automaker, decreased its sales by  32.1% from the same term last year. Altogether, the U.S. top three automakers recorded a substantial decrease of  more than 30%.

 

 

読者からの投稿 28(Valley winds, 5 March 12

 

Each automaker in the US announced the amount of selling cars in October. First the biggest company GM’s sales dropped in 32.1% beside the corresponding period last year’s result. All the big three automakers recorded a large decrease in sales of more than 30%.

 

添削

 

Each automaker in the US announced the amount number of selling cars sold in October. First tThe biggest company GM’s sales dropped in 32.1% from the same month last year1. beside the corresponding period last year’s result. All the big three automakers recorded a large decrease in sales of more than 30%.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       Increased ten percent  from the same quarter last month, It was 15 percent less than the same month last yearという便利な表現があります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Each automaker in the US announced the number of  cars sold in October. The biggest company GM’s sales dropped  32.1% from the same month last year. All  big three automakers recorded a large decrease in sales of more than 30%.

 

 

読者からの投稿 27(あんこ、24 February 10

 

On the 1st of this month, auto mobile companies in the United States announced that the total figures of new car sales during October.  General Motors (GM), the largest company, said their sales decreased by 32.1 % compared to the same period of last year.  Also, three other major auto makers marked more than 30 % decline in their sales.

 

添削

 

On the 1st first1 of this month, auto mobile companies in the United States announced that the total figures of new car sales during October.  General Motors (GM), the largest company, said their sales decreased their sales2 by 32.1 % compared to from the same period of3 last year.  Also, The three other major automobile4 makers companies together5 marked a more than 30 % decline in their sales.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       数字より英単語のほうが文の中でバランスがよく見えます。

 

2.       GM decreased their sales.の文型のほうが動作の主体がはっきりします。

 

3.       last yearを副詞に使います。

 

4.       すでにautomobile companiesが文章の中にあるので、おなじ表現を使って読者の混乱を防ぎます。

 

5.       米国のthe big threeGM, Ford, Chryslerでした。

 

添削後の文章

 

On the first of this month, automobile companies in the United States announced  the total figures of new car sales during October.  General Motors (GM), the largest company,  decreased their sales by 32.1 %  from the same period last year.  The three  major automobile4 companies together marked a more than 30 % decline in their sales.

 

 

読者からの投稿 26(Tatsuo, 4 January 10

 

The number of sold new cars in the month of October was announced by each major automobile company in the U.S. General motors, which is the largest automobile company in the U.S., was 32.1% decrease as compared with the same month of last year. Three of all large automobile companies recorded together the big decrease that was over 30%.      

 

添削

 

The number of sold new cars sold in the month of October was announced by each major automobile company in the U.S. General Mmotors, which is the largest automobile company in the U.S., was experienced1 a  32.1% decrease from as compared with the same month of last year. Three of all large automobile companies recorded together a the big decrease of that was over 30%.      

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       For GM, the decrease was 32.1% decrease.としないと内容がはっきりしません。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of new cars sold in the month of October was announced by each major automobile company in the U.S. General Motors, which is the largest automobile company in the U.S., experienced a  32.1% decrease from  the same month  last year. Three of all large automobile companies recorded together a  big decrease of  over 30%.      

 

 

読者からの投稿 25(riba, 4 January 10

 

American automakers said on 1st that the number of new cars sold in October had decreased greatly. The sales of GM, the biggest auto maker, had been down 32.1 % from the same term last year and those of the big three automakers had been down over 30 %.

 

添削

 

On the first of this month1, American automakers announced said on 1st that the number of new cars sold in October had decreased greatly. The sales of GM, the biggest auto maker, decreased2 had been down by 32.1 % from the same month term last year and those of the big three automakers all went had been down over 30 %.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       日本文には書いてありませんが、「今月の1日に」なのでしょう。

 

2.       文章の構造からいえば、前の文の過去完了形の内容の説明なので、ここも過去完了形になりますが、一般的には過去形のほうが読みやすいのでよいでしょう。文芸作品は物語り自体を過去に設定することが多いので、この過去の物語の中の時間的にもっと過去のことは過去完了形で表現することがあり、文章の中に過去完了形のたくさん出てくる作家がいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

On the first of this month, American automakers announced  that the number of new cars sold in October had decreased greatly. The sales of GM, the biggest auto maker, decreased  by 32.1 % from the same month  last year and those of the big three automakers all went  down over 30 %.

 

 

読者からの投稿 24(Yoshi, 4 October 09

 

Each American car manufacture announced numbers of new-car sales of October on 1st,  A leading company, GM decreased 32.1% from the comparable period a year earlier.  The other two leading company also recorded the significant decrease more than 30%.

 

添削

 

All1 Each American car manufactures announced their numbers of new-car sales in of October on the1st of this month2.,  The A leading company, GM, decreased its sales by 32.1% from the comparable period last year a year earlier.  The other two leading companyies also recorded a the significant decrease of more than 30%.

           

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       日本文には「各社」とありますが、特にそれぞれの自動車メーカーを区別する必要が無いので、ここではAll manufacturesのほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

2.       日本文でははっきりしないのですが、多分、11月1日に10月の売り上げを発表したのでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

All  American car manufactures announced their numbers of new-car sales in  October on the1st of this month.  The  leading company, GM, decreased its sales by 32.1% from the comparable period last year. The other two leading companies also recorded a  significant decrease of more than 30%.

 

 

読者からの投稿 23(Tomoya, 12 July 09

 

The first day of November, American automobile companies announced  that the number of new cars sold in October. GM, the biggest  automobile company, was a 32.1% decrease in the sales compared to the  last October. Other Big Three also dropped their sales more than 30%.

 

添削

 

On November 11, The first day of November, American automobile companies announced  that the number of new cars sold in October. GM, the biggest  automobile company, was experienced a 32.1% decrease in the sales from the same month last year2 compared to the  last October. Other Big Three companies also dropped their sales more than 30%.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       このような簡略な表現でよいでしょう。

 

2.       これがこのような表現の定型です。

 

添削後の文章

 

On November 1,  American automobile companies announced  the number of new cars sold in October. GM, the biggest  automobile company, experienced a 32.1% decrease in the sales from the same month last year. Other Big Three companies also dropped their sales more than 30%.

 

 

読者からの投稿 22(mxtomi, 29 June 09

 

According to the announcement released by US automakers on the 1st of this month, the number of new vehicles sold by General Motors, the industry leader, in October showed 31.4% decline from the same month the year before. Ford and Chrysler saw a sharp decline in excess of 30% as well.

 

添削

 

According to the announcement released by US automakers on the 1st of this month, the number of new vehicles sold by General Motors, the industry leader, in October showed a 31.4% decline from the same month the last year before. Ford and Chrysler saw showed1 a sharp decline in excess of 30% as well.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       昔、英作文の授業で同じ単語の繰り返しは避ける、と習いましたが、Plane Englishでは同じ内容は同じ単語で表現したほうがわかりやすい、としています。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to the announcement released by US automakers on the 1st of this month, the number of new vehicles sold by General Motors, the industry leader, in October showed a 31.4% decline from the same month last year. Ford and Chrysler showed a sharp decline in excess of 30% as well.

 

 

読者からの投稿 21(riba, 8 January 09

 

On the first of this month, U.S. automakers announced that sales of new cars at GM in October were down 32.1 percent less than the same month last year, and that sales at the other two big automakers were also down over 30 percent.

 

添削

 

On the first of this month, U.S. automakers announced that the sales of new cars at GM in October1. GM’s sales were down 32.1 percent less than the same month last year, and the that sales of at the other two big automakers also decreased more than were also down over 30 percent from the same month last year.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

ここから新しい文にしたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On the first of this month, U.S. automakers announced the sales of new cars  in October. GM’s sales were  32.1 percent less than the same month last year, and the  sales of  the other two big automakers also decreased more than  30 percent from the same month last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 20(おばさん、3 March 08

 

On November 1st, US automakers announced the unit sales of new vehicles in October. The sales of General Motors, the biggest automaker, plunged 32.1%compared to the same month last year. The Big Three all recorded more than30 percent sharp decline.

 

添削

 

On November 1st, US automakers announced the unit number of sales of new vehicles in October. The sales of General Motors, the biggest automaker, plunged by 32.1% from compared to the same month last year. The Big Three all recorded a sharp decline of more than 30 percent sharp decline.

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On November 1st, US automakers announced the number of sales of new vehicles in October. The sales of General Motors, the biggest automaker, plunged by 32.1% from  the same month last year. The Big Three all recorded a sharp decline of more than 30 percent.

 

 

読者からの投稿 19(kk, 21 January 08

 

Each automobile manufacturer in the U. S. announced to the public on the first the number of the new cars sold in October. According to that, the biggest, General Motors (GM) decreased it by 32.1 %, compared to a year before. And the other two biggest manufacturers all alike recorded the considerable fall by 30% and more.

 

添削

 

Each automobile manufacturer in the U. S. announced to the public on the first the the number of the new cars sold in October on the first of this month. According to that the announcements, the largest automobile manufacturer, biggest, General Motors (GM) decreased its sales by 32.1 %, compared to the same month last year a year before. and  And the other two large biggest manufacturers also decreased their sales all alike recorded the considerable fall by more than 30% and more1.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       このような報告文は読者に内容を確実に伝えることが目的ですから、ここもGMと同じ文型にすると読みやすくなります(この添削講座はプレイン・イングリッシュの規範に従う、ということがこのような例に出てきます)。

 

添削後の文章

 

Each automobile manufacturer in the U. S. announced  the number of new cars sold in October on the first of this month. According to the announcements, the largest automobile manufacturer, General Motors (GM) decreased its sales by 32.1 %, compared to the same month last year and the other two large  manufacturers also decreased their sales by more than 30%.

 

 

読者からの投稿 18(dunkel, 23 October 07

 

U.S. car manufacturers announced on the first day of this month about the number of sales of new cars this October. GM, the largest manufacturer, decreased the number down to 32.1% from the same period last year. Ford and Chrysler also decreased the number down to more than 30%.

 

添削

 

U.S. car manufacturers announced on the first day of this month about the number of sales of new cars this in October. GM, the largest manufacturer, decreased the number of sales by down to 32.1% from the same period last year. Ford and Chrysler also decreased the number of sales by down to more than 30%.

 

コメント

 

英文に構文上の問題があり、内容がわかりません。decreased the number down to 32.1% from the same period last yearと言う表現では「去年同期から車の数が(何かの)32.1パーセントまで減少した」となり、この「何か」が記述してありません。また、こうすると日本文の内容と違ってきますね。A decreased by 10 percent from the last year. A decreased by 10% from 100 in 2006 to 90 in 2007.という表現を使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

U.S. car manufacturers announced on the first day of this month the number of sales of new cars in October. GM, the largest manufacturer, decreased the number of sales by  32.1% from the same period last year. Ford and Chrysler also decreased the number of sales by  more than 30%.

 

 

読者からの投稿 17(マーチャン、24 August 07

 

On November 1, American carmakers announced the number of new car sales in October. GM, the largest carmaker, was down 32.1% from the same month last year. The Big Three all recorded a sharp decrease of over 30 % .

 

添削

 

On November 1, American carmakers announced the number of new car sales in October. GM, the largest carmaker, was down 32.1% from the same month last year. The Big Three all recorded a sharp decrease of over 30 % 1.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

添削箇所はありません。

 

 

読者からの投稿 16(散歩人、9 April 07

 

The unit sales of new vehicles in October were shown by auto maker in the United States on the first. According to the results, those of General Motors Corporation (GM) which is the world's largest motors maker were down 32.1% from the same term last year and those of other big three were down over 30% from the same term last year.

 

添削

 

The unit sales of new vehicles in October were shown announced by auto maker in the United States on November1 the first. According to the results, those of General Motors Corporation (GM) which is the world's largest motors automobile maker were went2 down 32.1% from the same term month last year and those of other bBig tThree were went down over 30% from the same term month last year3.

 

コメント

 

1.       1. 日本文に書き忘れましたが、これは多分11月1日だったとおもいます。

 

2.       2. the sales went downと動きのある動詞wentをつかうと文が生き生きします。

 

3.       3. 「最大手のゼネラル・モーターズ(GM)が前年同期比321%減となったのをはじめ米三大メーカーがそろって三割以上の大幅減少を記録した。」の下線部分の内容を検討すると、散歩人さんのようにGM went down 32.1% and other Big Three went down over 30%.になりますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

The sales of new vehicles in October were announced by auto maker in the United States on November the first. According to the results, those of General Motors Corporation (GM) which is the world's largest automobile maker went down 32.1% from the same month last year and those of other Big Three went down over 30% from the same month last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(Kalo, 21 February 07

 

According to sales of new vehicles in October announced by U.S. automakers on November 1, all the Big Three saw an over 30% drop from the same month last year. In particular, General Motors Corp., the largest in the U.S., suffered a sharp decline of 32.1%.

 

添削

 

According to the sales of new vehicles in October announced by U.S. automakers on November 1, all the Big Three saw an over 30% drop from the same month last year. In particular, General Motors Corp., the largest automaker in the U.S., suffered a sharp decline of 32.1%1.

 

コメント

 

1. わかりやすい英文ですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to the sales of new vehicles in October announced by U.S. automakers on November 1, all Big Three saw an over 30% drop from the same month last year. In particular, General Motors Corp., the largest automaker in the U.S., suffered a sharp decline of 32.1%.

 

 

読者からの投稿 14(もき、14 February 07

 

American automakers released their selling reports of new cars at October. And their reports showed that the largest automaker GM's selling was 32.1 percent worse than last year and all top three automakers' sailing marked great decline more than 30 percent worse than last year.

 

添削

 

American automakers released their selling reports of new cars sales at in October. And1 tTheir reports showed that the largest automaker GM's selling sales was 32.1 percent worse than the same month2 last year and all top three automakers' sailing sales marked a great decline of more than 30 percent worse from the same month3 than last year.

 

コメント

 

1.       1. 内容は前の文からつながっていますが、ここでは特にandを入れる必要はありません。

 

2.       2. 「前年同期比」は大切な情報ですから必要です。

 

3.       3. marked a great declineとあるのでworse than ~という表現はここでは使えません。

 

添削後の文章

 

American automakers released their reports of new car sales in October. Their reports showed that the largest automaker GM's sales was 32.1 percent worse than the same month last year and all top three automakers' sales marked a great decline of more than 30 percent from the same month last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(Hanasaki, 17 November 06

 

US automobile companies published the new viecles sales numbers of October on November 1 . It shows that General Mortors (GM), the largest automaker in America, decreased its sales of this month by 32.1% from the same month in last year and The Big Three recorded the highly significant decrease by more than 30% all together.

 

添削

 

US automobile companies published announced1 the number of new viecles vehicle sales numbers of for October2 on November 1 . It shows that3 General Mortors Motors (GM), the largest automaker in America, decreased its sales of this month by 32.1% from the same month in last year and The Big Three all4 recorded the a5 highly significant decrease by of more than 30% all together.

 

コメント

 

1.       1. 「発表した」とありますが、必ずしも書面で発表したとは限らないので、一般的にannounced, releasedがよいでしょう。

 

2.       2. the new vehicle sales numberと名詞がつながった複合名詞を英語は嫌います(日本語には多いですね)。添削のように前置詞をいれると内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

3.       3. 既に前の文で述べているので省略します。

 

4.       4. all togetherとすると三大メーカーの新車販売数全体が、という意味になります。allとすると三大メーカーは全部、ということになります。意味が違ってきますね。例えば、GM 32.1%, Ford 25%, Chrysler 36%でも全体として30%減になるかもしれません。

 

5.       5. 文章に始めて出てくるhighly significant decreaseなので不定冠詞にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

US automobile companies announced the number of new vehicle sales for October on November 1 . General Motors (GM), the largest automaker in America, decreased its sales by 32.1% from the same month last year and The Big Three all recorded a highly significant decrease of more than 30% .

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(吉、16 November 06

 

According to the announcement of the unit sales of new vehicles in October made by American auto manufacturers on 1st of this month, all three major auto manufacturers including General Motors Corporation(G.M), the largest auto manufacture, of which the unit sales of new vehicle declined by 32.1% from the same term last year, have recorded significant decrease more than 30%.

 

添削

 

According to the announcement of the unit sales of new vehicles in October made by American auto manufacturers on 1st the first of this month, all three major auto manufacturers recorded a significant decrease of more than 30% from the same month last year1. including General Motors Corporation(G.M), the largest auto manufacture, recorded a of which the unit sales of new vehicle declined by 32.1% decrease. from the same term last year, have recorded significant decrease more than 30%.

 

コメント

 

1.       1. ここまでで三大メーカーについて述べ、GMについては新しい文にすると文章の構成が簡単になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to the announcement of the unit sales of new vehicles in October made by American auto manufacturers on the first of this month, all three major auto manufacturers recorded a significant decrease of more than 30% from the same month last year. General Motors Corporation (GM), the largest auto manufacture, recorded a 32.1% decrease.

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(岩ちゃん、31 October 06

 

In the number of sales of new vehicles in October each of American carmakers announced on November 1, the largest GM was down 32.1% from the same term last year. Also, big three recorded a sharp decrease over 30 % all together.

 

添削

 

In the number of sales of new vehicles in October that each of American carmakers announced on November 11, the largest GM, the largest carmaker, was down 32.1% from the same term month last year. Also, the bBig tThree2 all recorded a sharp decrease of over 30 % all together.

 

コメント

 

1.       1. 従属節が長いので独立させたほうが、文章が読みやすくなるでしょう。On November 1, American carmakers announced the number of new car sales in October. GM, the largest carmaker, ~.

 

2.       2. GM, Ford, Chryslerの三社をthe Big Threeと言います。

 

添削後の文章

 

In the number of sales of new vehicles in October that each of American carmakers announced on November 1, GM, the largest carmaker, was down 32.1% from the same month last year. the Big Three all recorded a sharp decrease of over 30 % .

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(だっち、5 September 06

 

Big three of automobile makers in USA presented on 1st that the selling number of new models was 30% less than the same period of last year. Especially, GM, the most major automobile maker, was 32.1% down.

 

添削

 

On November first1, the Big tThree of automobile makers in the United States USA presented on 1st that the selling number of new models car sales in October2 was 30% less than the same month period of last year. Especially, GM, the most major largest3 automobile maker, was experience a 32.1% decrease from last year4 down.

 

コメント

 

1.       1. 日本文には単に一日となっていてどの月か書き忘れました。

 

2.       2. 10月の新車販売台数は大切な情報なので入れましょう。

 

3.       3. majormore importantの意味でminorとの対比で使いますから、the most majorという言い方はありません。

 

4.       4. 投稿のままでも文意から内容はわかりますが、添削のように完成した文にするのがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

On November first, the Big Three of automobile makers in the United States presented that the number of new car sales in October was 30% less than the same month last year. Especially, GM, the largest automobile maker, experience a 32.1% decrease from last year.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(NMK,15 May 06

 

The numbers of the sold new cars which each US car companies announced on first October were decreased by thirty percent from the precious season, headed by GM the biggest car company in US whose rate was decreased by thirty two point one percent, followed by three other US companies.

 

添削

 

The numbers1 of the sold new cars sold in October which each US car companyies announced on first October November first2 were decreased by thirty percent from the same month last year3 precious season, headed by GM, the biggest car company in US, whose rate was decreased by thirty two point one percent, followed by three the rest of Big Three4 other US companies.

 

コメント

 

1.       1. この文はeach US companyと、米国の自動車会社のそれぞれのことを言っているのでthe numberも単数になります。

 

2.       2. 日本文には買いてありませんが、新車販売台数の速報なので10月の販売台数が11月か12月には発表されるのでしょう。

 

3.       3. 前年同月the same month last year、前年同四半期the same quarter last yearというよく使う表現方法があります。

 

4.       4. 米三台自動車メーカーはthe Big Threeと言います。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of the new cars sold in October which each US car company announced on November first decreased by thirty percent from the same month last year, headed by GM, the biggest car company in US, whose rate decreased by thirty two point one percent, followed by the rest of Big Three US companies.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(バリコ、17 March 06

 

According to the number of new car sales in October, released 1st by US auto companies, GE has decreased 32.1% from the same term last year and all US big three companies recorded a big fall, more than 30% in sales.

 

添削

 

According to the number of new car sales in October, released on November first1 1st by US automobile companies, GE has decreased its sales by 32.1% from the same term month last year and all US big three Big Three2 companies recorded a big fall in sales, more than a 30% decrease from the same month last year3 in sales.

 

コメント

 

1.       1. 日本文に書き忘れましたが11月1日です。on 1stとするとどの月の1日かわからないのでon November firstとしました。

 

2.       2. the Big Threeと書いてFord, Chrysler, GMのことを指します。近年は日本の自動車会社の米国法人の活躍でthe Big Threeがほんとうにthe big threeか怪しくなってきました。

 

3.       3. from the same month last yearはすでに文章に出てきますが、文章を明確にするためにもう一度繰り返すとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to the number of new car sales in October, released on November first by US automobile companies, GE has decreased its sales by 32.1% from the same month last year and all US Big Three companies recorded a big fall in sales, more than a 30% decrease from the same month last year .

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(tange, 17 February 06

 

Various manufacturers announced their sales number of new cars for October on the 1st of this month. American big 3 automobile manufacturers all together fell off their sales, which were more than 30 % of each. This included the reduction of the sales number by the giant, General Motor (GM), which was 32.1 % on a year-to-year comparison.

 

添削

 

Various American automobile1 manufacturers announced their the sales number of new cars for sold in2 October on the 1st of this month. American big 3Big Three3 automobile manufacturers all together fell off their sales, by which were more than 30 %4 of each. This included the a 32.1 percent reduction of the sales number by the giant, General Motor (GM), which was 32.1 % on a year-to-year comparison.

 

コメント

 

1.       1. 文章の主題をはっきりさせるために、主語をAmerican automobile manufacturersとするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       2. 「十月の新車販売台数」はthe number of new car sales in Octoberとしてもよいですが、new car salesと三つ名詞が続くので(名詞が続く複合名詞は名詞の間の関係がわかりにくくなることがあるので避けます)the number of new cars sold in Octoberとするとわかりやすくなります。

 

3.       3. 「米三大メーカー」はthe Big Threeという通称で表現します。「米」が抜けていますが、文章から「アメリカ自動車メーカーの」ということがわかります。

 

4.       4. The automobile manufacturers fell their sales, which were more than 30%.とするとwhichtheir salesを指すので、「〜、その新車販売台数は(?の)30パーセント以上であった。」となって意味が通りません。The automobile manufactures suffered a large reduction in the number of sales, which was more than 30 percent reduction from the number of sales in the same period last year.とすればよいですが、長くなるので、添削のようにするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

American automobile manufacturers announced the number of new cars sold in October on the 1st of this month. American Big Three automobile manufacturers all fell their sales by more than 30 %. This included a 32.1 percent reduction by the giant, General Motor (GM)on a year-to-year comparison.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(rikarika, 1 Aug 05

 

The new car sales amount for October released by American automobile manufactures on the first inst. recorded that not only No.1 major, GM was down 32% from the same term of last year but also all three measures equally declined more than 30% from the same period.for October released by American automobile manufactures on the first inst. recorded that not only No.1 major, GM was down 32% from the same term of last year but also all three measures equally declined more than 30% from the same period.

 

添削

 

The number of1 new car sales amount for October released by American automobile manufactures on the first inst. recorded showed that not only the No.1 major automobile manufacture2, GM, was down 32.1% from the same term of month last year but also all three measures other automobile manufactures equally declined were down3 more than 30%. from the same period.

 

コメント

 

1.       1. The new car sales amountというように名詞をつなげた複合名詞は意味が曖昧になり読み難いのでthe number of new car salesというように表現するとよいでしょう。

 

2.       2. No.1 major (automobile manufacture) the No.1 automobile manufactureと読者にわかりやすく表現します。

 

3.       3. (the number of new car sales of ) the No.1 automobile manufacture was down 32.1%. という形式が文の前半で使われているので、これと合わせて添削のようにします。文の中の並列な内容は並列の形式で表現すると読者にわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of1 new car sales for October released by American automobile manufactures on the first showed that not only the No.1 automobile manufacture, GM, was down 32.1% from the same month last year but also all three other automobile manufactures were down more than 30%.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Kappa2005, 5 July 05

 

American Automobile Manufacturers announced new car sales in October on the 1st.Each of Big 3 recorded a large reduction by more than 30% including the record that the biggest General Motors (GM) reduced 32.1% to the previous year.

 

添削

 

American Aautomobile Mmanufacturers1 announced the number of2 new car sales in October on the 1st3 . Each of All4 Big 3Three recorded a large reduction by of more than 30% from the same month last year5, including the record that the biggest automobile manufacturer6, General Motors (GM), reduced its sales7 by 32.1%. to the previous year.

 

コメント

 

1.       1. 普通名詞なので大文字にする必要はありません。もし「米自動車メーカー協会」というものがあればThe Association of American Automobile Manufactures announced ~というようになります。

 

2.       2. 「新車販売台数」の台数を入れる必要があります。announced new car salesとすると「新車セール(キャンペーン)」を発表した」という意味になります。

 

3.       3. ここで一度文を切ったのがよいですね。日本文の「一日発表した」は曖昧でどの月の一日かはっきりしません(練習問題を作ったときのミス)。多分11月か12月だったと思いますが、曖昧なので省きました。

 

4.       4. Big Threeは複合名詞として使います。Each of Big ThreeよりAll Big Threeが「はじめ米三大メーカーがそろって」には良いでしょう。

 

5.       5. 「前年同期」とありますが各月の新車販売台数を比べているのでthe same month last yearとします。

 

6.       6. 比較の形容詞は常に明示的にまたは暗示的に比較する他のものを必要とします。the biggest General Motorsとすると、(すでに文章の中で言及したBig Threeの中で)一番大きな(自動車メーカーである)General Motorsという意味になります。これはthe biggest automobile manufacture, General Motorsを省略して表現したと読者はとります。しかし、一般に固有名詞には直接比較形容詞をつけないので、ここではthe biggest automobile manufacture, General Motors,と省略無しで表現したほうが良いでしょう。

 

7.       7. reduceは他動詞なので目的語its salesが必要です。

 

添削後の文章

 

American automobile manufacturers announced the number of new car sales in October. All Big Three recorded a large reduction of more than 30% from the same month last year, including the record that the biggest automobile manufacturer, General Motors (GM), reduced its sales by 32.1%.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(かっぱん、10 April 05

 

On the first of this month, American automobile makers announced the number of new car sales in October. The biggest, General Motors (GM), recorded 32.1 percent drop from the same period of previous year. Other two major makers also recorded a sharp decrease by more than 30 percent.

 

添削

 

On the first of this month, American automobile makers announced the number of new car s sales sold1 in October2. The biggest, General Motors (GM), recorded a 32.1 percent drop from the same period of previous year. Other two major makers also recorded a sharp decrease by more than 30 percent.

 

コメント

 

 

1.       1. the number of new car salesとはいいません。Salesは複数ですが全体名詞で「販売」という意味です。~ announced the performance of new car sales in Octoberと表現できますが、こうすると後ろの文の32.1%が何を指すのか説明が必要になります。

 

2.       2. 日本文の内容をここで切って表現したので文章がわかりやすくなっていますね。

 

添削後の文章

 

On the first of this month, American automobile makers announced the number of new cars sold in October. The biggest, General Motors (GM), recorded a 32.1 percent drop from the same period of previous year. Other two major makers also recorded a sharp decrease by more than 30 percent.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3 (マウント60、22 June 04)

On the 1st, U.S. auto makers each announced the number of new cars sold in October, which proved to be a significant drop of more than 30% for each one of the three U.S. major makers, including the General Motors (GM), the biggest one in the U.S., which suffered a 32.1% decline from the same period of previous year.

 

添削

 

On the 1st, U.S. auto makers each announced the number of new cars sold in October., which proved to be a significant drop of more than 30% for each one of the All three major U.S. auto major makers had a significant drop of more than 30% from the same period of previous year. Among them, including the General Motors (GM), the biggest one in the U.S., which suffered most with a 32.1% decline from the same period of previous year.

 

コメント

 

いろいろな情報の詰まっている日本文なので、内容を整理して複数の文で表現すると分かりやすくなります。複数の文に分けて表現しても、文と文の内容の関連があれば、文章を読んだときにぶつぎれになった感じはしません。

 

添削後の文章

 

On the 1st, U.S. auto makers announced the number of new cars sold in October., All three major U.S. auto makers had a significant drop of more than 30% from the same period of previous year. Among them, General Motors (GM), the biggest one in the U.S., suffered most with a 32.1% decline.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(tonton, 4 Feb 03

 

On 1st, each American automobile manufacturer announced how many of their new cars were sold last October. The three big manufacturers all had their sales with more than 30 % of great decreases from the corresponding period of last year. General Motors, the biggest manufacturer of the three, had a 32.1% decrease.

 

添削

 

On 1stNovember 11, each American automobile manufacturer announced how many of their new cars were it 2sold last3 in October. The big 4three big manufacturers all had their sales reduced by with - more than 30 % of great decreases from the level in the corresponding period month of last year. General Motors, the biggest largest manufacturer of the three, had a 32.1% decrease5.

 

コメント

 

1.       1. 日本文にどの月の1日が書き忘れました。多分11月だと思います。英文ではon the first day of this monthとかon the first day of this weekとかいいますが、on the firstとだけはいいませんので、On November 1にしておきました。

 

2.       2. この文の主語がeach American automobile manufacturerですから、この従属節の中の主語もeach American automobile manufacturerを指すitにして能動態で表現したほうが内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

3.       3. 英文では時期を指すときのlast, next, this などがあいまいで一体いつを指すのかは文脈で判断しなければなりません。この例の文脈では11月に10月の販売台数の発表があるとすると、10月は先月でまだ近いので、last Octoberというと去年の10月を意味するのが普通です。しかし、ここでlast monthといえば10月になります。同様に、月曜日に ”I will see you on next Friday.”と言われると今週の金曜日か、来週の金曜日かわかりにくいです(来週の金曜日の可能性が高いです。今週の金曜日なら、I will see you on this Friday.というほうが多いです)。この区別を明確にするためには、I will see you on Friday this week. I will see you on Friday next week.とします。わたしは打ち合わせの日時を間違えることが多かったので、今では ”I will see you on Friday this week, February the seventh.” と言うようにしています。

 

4.       4. 北米の自動車業界ではGM, Ford, Chryslerの三つをthe big threeと呼んでいます。

 

5.       5. 「最大手のゼネラル・モーターズ(GM)が前年同期比321%減となったのをはじめ米三大メーカーがそろって三割以上の大幅減少を記録した。」を二つの英文に分けて表現したのがよかったですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

On November 1, each American automobile manufacturer announced how many cars it sold in October. The big three manufacturers all had their sales reduced by more than 30 % from the level in the corresponding month last year. General Motors, the largest manufacturer of the three, had a 32.1% decrease.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Michi, 21 Jan 03

 

On November 11, American automobile producers announced the numbers of new automobiles they sold in October. General Motors, the largest automobile producer in the United States, sold 32.1 percent less than the same month last year. All other automobile producers sold less than 30 percent than the same month last year too.

 

添削

 

On November 11, American automobile producers announced the numbers of new automobiles they sold in the month of1 October. General Motors, the largest automobile producer in the United States, sold 32.1 percent less than the same month last year2. All other automobile producers sold 30 percent less than 30 percent than the same month last year too as well.

 

コメント

 

日本文はいろいろな情報を一つの文に入れてありますが、英語で表現するときにはどのように小文に分解するかが鍵になります。Michiさんは上手に三つに分解していますね。「米自動車メーカー各社が一日発表した十月の新車販売台数は〜」を「111日に米自動車メーカーは10月に売った新車の台数を発表した。」と独立した小文にしました。以下の日本文も「最大手のゼネラル・モーターズ(GM)が前年同期比321%減となったのをはじめ〜」の「はじめ」のとらわれずに、ここで日本文の内容を切って二つの文にしたのがよかったとおもいます。日本文では節をつなげていくときに使う句が発達しています。これらの句のうちで、文章の論理的構成に大切なものと、単に文をつないでいるものとを区別して、英語で表現するときにどのような小文にするか考えます。

 

1.       1. the number of automobiles they sold in the month of Octoberとしたほうが「10月の1ヶ月間に」という意味がはっきりすると思います。

 

2.       2. 「前年同期より32.1パーセント少ない」は(ここでは10月についていっているので)32.1 percent less than the same month last yearになります。前月の同じ週にくらべてなら、32.1 percent less than the same week last monthになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

On November 11, American automobile producers announced the numbers of new automobiles they sold in the month of October. General Motors, the largest automobile producer in the United States, sold 32.1 percent less than the same month last year. All other automobile producers sold 30 percent less than the same month last year as well.