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初級練習問題の添削 7

 

(01 Feb 03) (10 April 05) (1 Aug 05) (14 Feb 06) (`16 March 06)(15 May 06) (4 Sept 06)

(30 Oct 06) (14 Nov 06) (16 Nov 06) (25 Jan 07) (7 April 07) (24 Aug 07) (22 Oct 07)

(19 Jan 08) (1 Mar 08) (7 Jan 09)

 

(2 July 09) (2 Oct 09) (29 Dec 09) (23 Feb 10) (27 Feb 12) (23 May 12) (4 Aug 13)

(31 Aug 13) (15 Nov 13)

 

JR西日本によると、2001年度に駅構内や列車内で見つかった忘れ物は、前年度より6%多い約51万2000件もあった。傘が全体のほぼ4分の1で最も多く、次いで衣類、メガネやサングラスなどの装身具類、靴、カバン類、乗車券類などだ。

 

読者からの投稿 29(owl, 15 November 13

 

According to JR West, lost articles found in trains and stations in fiscal 2001 amounted to as many as 512,000 items, up 6% than those in the previous fiscal year. Umbrellas accounted for the largest proportion at approximately 25%, followed by clothing, accessories such as glasses and sunglasses, shoes, bags and train tickets etc.

 

添削

 

According to JR West, lost articles found in its trains and stations in the 2001 fiscal year 2001 amounted to as many as 512,000 items, up 6% from than those in the previous fiscal year. Umbrellas accounted for the largest proportion at approximately 25%, followed by clothing, accessories such as glasses and sunglasses, shoes, bags and train tickets etc.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       日本文ではよく「〜など」の表現がありますが、何も情報を追加していないので英文では省略するのがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to JR West, lost articles found in its trains and stations in the 2001 fiscal year  amounted to as many as 512,000 items, up 6% from the previous fiscal year. Umbrellas accounted for the largest proportion at approximately 25%, followed by clothing, accessories such as glasses and sunglasses, shoes, bags and train tickets.

 

 

読者からの投稿 28(文月、31 August 13

 

According to West Japan Railway Company, lost properties found at their stations or on their trains in the business year of 2001 were as many as about 512,000 items, which is increased by 6% compared to the previous year. The most common were umbrellas, which accounted for a quarter of all items, followed by clothes, accessories such as glasses or sunglasses, shoes, bags, tickets and so on.

 

添削

 

According to West Japan Railway Company, lost properties found at their stations or on their trains in the business year of 2001 were as many as about 512,000 items, which is increased by 6% compared to from the previous year. The most common items were umbrellas, which accounted for a quarter of all items, followed by clothes, accessories such as glasses or sunglasses, and shoes, bags, and tickets and so on.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       日本文では 「〜など」という表現がよく使われますが、内容の無いおまけなので英文では省略します。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to West Japan Railway Company, lost properties found at their stations or on their trains in the business year of 2001 were as many as about 512,000 items, which increased by 6% from the previous year. The most common items were umbrellas, which accounted for a quarter of all items, followed by clothes, accessories such as glasses or sunglasses, and shoes, bags, and tickets .

 

 

読者からの投稿 27(sasuke, 4 August 13

 

West Japan Railway Company said the amount of lost properties which were found in the stations or the trains was about 512,000 items that increased 6% more than last year. About a quarter of those items are umbrellas and it's the greatest number. The second most items are clothes, accessories such as glasses or sunglasses, shoes, bags, tickets etc.

 

添削

 

West Japan Railway Company said the amount number of lost properties which were found in the stations and or on the trains was about 512,000 items that increased by 6% from more than1 last year. The largest number of items, Aabout a quarter of them, those items were are umbrellas and it's the greatest number. They second most items were followed by2 are clothes, accessories such as glasses or sunglasses, shoes, bags, and tickets  etc3.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       increased by 6 percent from last yearまたはthat was 6 percent more than last yearとなります。

 

2.       「次いで衣類、メガネやサングラスなどの装身具類、靴、カバン類、乗車券類などだ。」は多い順番に並べたもので、これら全部を足すと二番目になる、ではないとおもいます。

 

3.       日本文では「〜など」とおまけをつけますが、英文では内容が無いので省略します。

 

添削後の文章

 

West Japan Railway Company said the number of lost properties which were found in the stations and on the trains was about 512,000 that increased by 6% from last year. The largest number of items, about a quarter of them, were umbrellas. They were followed by  clothes, accessories such as glasses or sunglasses, shoes, bags, and tickets.

 

 

読者からの投稿 26(Yasuaki, 23 May 12

 

According to the West Japan Railway Company, lost articles that was found at stations or on a train in 2001 was about 6% increase over last year and it was about 512,000. About quarter was umbrella and it was most common. Other common reasons were clothes, accessories like glasses and sunglasses, shoes, bags and tickets.

 

添削

 

According to the West Japan Railway Company, lost articles that was were found at stations or on a trains in 2001 was  increased1 by about 6% increase over last year and reached2 it was about 512,000. About a quarter of them were was umbrella and they were it was the most common items. Other common items reasons were clothes, accessories like glasses and sunglasses, shoes, bags and train tickets.

 

コメント

 

内容のほぼすべてがわかりすが、other common reasonsがわかりません(推測はできますが)。

 

1.       It showed a five percent increase.よりIt increased by five percent.increaseを動詞にしたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       ここも動詞を使うとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to the West Japan Railway Company, lost articles that were found at stations or on trains in 2001 increased by about 6% over last year and reached about 512,000. About a quarter of them were umbrella and they were the most common items. Other common items  were clothes, accessories like glasses and sunglasses, shoes, bags and train tickets.

 

 

読者からの投稿 25(Valley winds, 27 February 12

 

According to JR West, there were also about 512 thousand lost articles in stations and trains in 2001, 6% more than in the fiscal year. The highest number was umbrella and about a quarter of all. The next most was clothes, accessory such as glasses and sunglasses, shoes, luggage, ticket and so on.

 

添削

 

According to JR West, there were also about 512 thousand lost articles items left at the1 in stations and on the trains in 2001, six percent2 6% more than in the last fiscal year. The highest largest number of items were3 was umbrellas and they took a share of about a quarter of all. The next most was were clothes, accessoryies such as glasses and sunglasses, shoes, luggage, and tickets and so on.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てわかります。

 

1.       Stations, trainsは文章の中で初出ですが、JR西日本の駅、列車という意味で定冠詞を付けます。

 

2.       In 2001, 6%と数字が続くと読みにくいのでsix percentとします。

 

3.       The largest number of itemsは「最大の数字」という意味では単数ですが、ここでは後に出てくる品物が複数表現なので、itemsの複数に対応するものとして複数にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to JR West, there were about 512 thousand items left at the stations and on the trains in 2001, six percent more than the last fiscal year. The largest number of items were  umbrellas and they took a share of about a quarter of all. The next were clothes, accessories such as glasses and sunglasses, shoes, luggage, and tickets .

 

 

読者から投稿 24(あんこ、23 February 10

 

In 2002, approximately 512,000 items were left behind in the stations, said JR Nisi Nihon, a railway company in Japan. The lost items increased by 6 percent from last year. These personal belongings included umbrellas which made up of 25 percent of the total, accessories such as clothes, glasses, and sunglasses, shoes, bags, and train tickets.

 

添削

 

In 2002, approximately 512,000 items were left behind in the stations and on the trains, said JR West1 Nisi Nihon, a railway company in Japan. The number of lost items this year increased by six2 6 percent from last year. These lost items3 personal belongings included umbrellas which made up of 25 twenty-five percent of the total, accessories such as clothes, glasses, and sunglasses, and4 shoes, bags, and train tickets.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       JR西日本の英語名称です。

 

2.       数字が小さいときは英単語で記述すると、文章の他の部分と合います。

 

3.       プレイン・イングリッシュでは文章を読んだときの明確さを大切にするので、同じものには同じ表現を使います。

 

4.       ここでは忘れ物は三つのグループになっています。(1)傘、(2)装身具、(3)靴、カバン、乗車券。ですから、(1), (2) and (3)というようにandを入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

In 2002, approximately 512,000 items were left behind in the stations and on the trains, said JR West, a railway company in Japan. The number of lost items this year increased by six  percent from last year. These lost items included umbrellas which made up of twenty-five percent of the total, accessories such as clothes, glasses, and sunglasses, and shoes, bags, and train tickets.

 

 

読者からの投稿 23(Tatsuo, 29 December 09

 

According to JR West, there were 512,000 lost properties which were found out a station or a train in the 2001 fiscal year. It was 6% higher than the previous year. An umbrella was the most lost properties occupied a quarter of all. The other items were followed by clothes, accessories such as spectacles or sunglasses, shoes, bags, train tickets.

 

添削

 

According to JR West, there were 512,000 lost properties items which were found out at the stations1 or on the a trains in the 2001 fiscal year. It was 6% higher than the previous year. An uUmbrellas were was the largest in number most lost properties occupied accounting for a quarter of al2., The other items were3 followed by clothes, accessories such as spectacles or and sunglasses, shoes, bags, and train tickets.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       JR西日本の駅や列車という意味でat the stations or on the trainsがよいでしょう。

 

2.       An umbrella was the most popular lost item properties and occupied a quarter of all. としても分かりますが、添削のほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

3.       独立した文でUmbrellas were followed by ~.としてもよいです。The other items were followed by ~.という主語の選択の論理的におかしいの、理由を考えてください。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to JR West, there were 512,000 lost items which were found at the stations or on the trains in the 2001 fiscal year. It was 6% higher than the previous year. Umbrellas were  the largest in number accounting for a quarter of al, followed by clothes, accessories such as spectacles and sunglasses, shoes, bags, and train tickets.

 

 

読者からの投稿 22(Yoshi, 2 October 09

 

According to JR West, lost properties found on the trains and in the stations in 2001 are about 12,000 and increased by 6% than last year. Umbrellas which are the most high rates are one fourth of the total and then clothes, accessories such as glasses and dark glasses, shoes, bags and tickets

 

添削

 

According to JR West, lost properties the number of items found left on the trains and in at the stations in 2001 are was about 12,000 and increased by 6% from than last year. Umbrellas, which are took the most highest rates, was are one fourth of the total1, and then were followed by clothes, accessories such as glasses and dark glasses, shoes, bags and tickets

 

コメント

 

内容の総て推察できますが、構文上は上記のように校正する必要があります。

 

1.       which took the highest rateは無くてもよい補足説明なので両端にコンマと付けます。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to JR West, the number of items found left on the trains and at the stations in 2001 was about 12,000 and increased 6% from last year. Umbrellas, which took the  highest rate, was one fourth of the total, and were followed by clothes, accessories such as glasses and dark glasses, shoes, bags and tickets

 

 

読者からの投稿 21(Tomoya, 2 July 09

 

According to JR Nishinihon, things left on the train or at the station in 2001 amounted to 512,000 items, a 6% increase from the previous year. Almost a quarter of those were umbrellas, followed by clothes, accessories such as glasses or sunglasses, shoes, bags, train  tickets and so on.

 

添削

 

According to West Japan Railway1 JR Nishinihon, things left on the train and or at the station in 2001 amounted to 512,000 items, a 6% increase from the previous year. Almost a quarter of those were umbrellas, followed by clothes, accessories such as glasses or sunglasses, shoes, bags, train  tickets and so on.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       読者に英語を日常語にしていて、日本の事情に疎い人をそうていしていますから、ここは英語名にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to West Japan Railway, things left on the train and at the station in 2001 amounted to 512,000 items, a 6% increase from the previous year. Almost a quarter of those were umbrellas, followed by clothes, accessories such as glasses or sunglasses, shoes, bags, train tickets and so on.

 

 

読者からの投稿 20(mxtomi, 29 June 09

 

West Japan Railway Company says the number of lost articles found at its stations and on trains amounted to as much as 512 thousand in 2001, up 6% from a year earlier. Of all the items, umbrellas top the list, accounting for approximately 25%, followed by clothing, accessories such as (dark) glasses, shoes, bags and tickets.

 

添削

 

West Japan Railway Company says the number of lost articles found at its stations and on the trains amounted to as much many as 512 thousand items in 2001, up a 6% increase1 from the previous a year earlier. Of all the items, umbrellas topped the list, accounting for approximately 25%, followed by clothing, accessories such as (dark) sun glasses, shoes, bags and tickets.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       このほうが一般的な表現です。

 

添削後の文章

 

West Japan Railway Company says the number of lost articles found at its stations and on the trains amounted to as many as 512 thousand items in 2001, a 6% increase from the previous year. Of all the items, umbrellas topped the list accounting for approximately 25%, followed by clothing, accessories such as sun glasses, shoes, bags and tickets.

 

 

読者らからの投稿 19(riba, 7 January 09

 

 

According to West Japan Railway Company, the number of lost articles in the station or on the train in 2001 was about 512,000. The number increased by 6 percent more than the previous year. Of all the lost articles, umbrellas took first place. The number is a fourth of the total. They were followed by clothes, accessories such as glasses, shoes, bags, and tickets.

 

添削

 

According to West Japan Railway Company, the number of lost articles in the station or on the train in 2001 was about 512,000. The number increased by 6 percent from more than the previous year. Of all the lost articles, umbrellas took the first place., amounting to The number is a fourth of the total. They were followed by clothes, accessories such as glasses, shoes, bags, and tickets.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to West Japan Railway Company, the number of lost articles in the station or on the train in 2001 was about 512,000. The number increased by 6 percent from the previous year. Of all the lost articles, umbrellas took the first place, amounting to a fourth of the total. They were followed by clothes, accessories such as glasses, shoes, bags, and tickets.

 

 

読者からの投稿 18(おばさん、1 March 08

 

According to JR west, the things left behind inside a station or a train were about 5.142.000. The amount was 6 percent increase than the previous year. The largest number is umbrella, which accounts for about a quarter of the whole items. Next comes clothing, personal ornaments such as spectacles and sunglasses, then shoes, bags, and tickets follow.

 

添削

 

According to JR wWest, the things items left behind inside a station or on a train were amounted to about 5,.142,.000 in 2001. The amount number of left items was increased1 by 6 percent increase than from the previous year. The largest number of items were is umbrellas, which accountsed for about a quarter of the whole items. Next comes came clothing, personal ornaments such as spectacles and sunglasses, then shoes, bags, and tickets followed.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       increasedと動詞形にしたほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to JR West, the items left behind inside a station or on a train amounted to about 5,142,000 in 2001. The number of left items increased by 6 percent from the previous year. The largest number of items were umbrellas, which accounted for about a quarter of the whole items. Next came clothing, personal ornaments such as spectacles and sunglasses, then shoes, bags, and tickets followed.

 

 

読者からの投稿 17(kk, 19 January 08

 

According to the West JR, the lost articles that have found in the JR stations or on the trains amounted up to about 512,000 in 2001, more than those in the last year by 6 percents. Umbrellas were the most ones, accounting for a quarter of all, followed by the garments, accessories such as glasses or shades, shoes, bags, and tickets.

 

添削

 

According to the West JR West, the lost articles that have were found in the JR stations or and on the trains amounted up to about 512,000 in 2001, six percent more than those found in the last previous year1 year by 6 percents. Umbrellas were the most popular2 ones, accounting for a quarter of all, followed by the garments, accessories such as glasses or shades, shoes, bags, and tickets.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       2001年を基準にして、その一年前という意味になります。

 

2.       Umbrellas were the largest in number.または添削のようになります。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to JR West, the lost articles that were found in the JR stations and on the trains amounted up to about 512,000 in 2001, six percent more than those found in the previous year year. Umbrellas were the most popular ones, accounting for a quarter of all, followed by garments, accessories such as glasses or shades, shoes, bags, and tickets.

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(dunkel, 22 October 07

 

Japan Railway West Japan (JRW) announced that JRW found about 512,000 lost properties at the stations or in the trains in 2001 business year. The number was increased 6% from last year. Umbrellas were most popular which occupied about one fourth of the total. Clothes, accessories like glasses or sunglasses, shoes, baggages, tickets etc., were also in popular.

 

添削

 

Japan Railway West Japan (JRW) announced that JRW found about 512,000 lost properties at the stations or in the trains in the 2001 business year. The total number of lost properties1 was increased by 6% from last year. Umbrellas were the most popular items which accounted for occupied about one fourth of the total. Clothes, accessories like glasses or sunglasses, shoes, baggages2 bags and suitcases, and tickets etc.3, were also in popular items.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       the number512,000しか出てきてないので、このことだとわかりますが、添削のようにはっきり書いたほうが読者に親切です。

 

2.       baggageは旅行などに出かけるときの荷物一切を指す不加算名詞です。ここでは女性のハンドバッグ、男性のスーツケース類をbags and suitcasesと表現するとよいでしょう。

 

3.       etc.という品物はありませんから、etc. is also a popular item.という文は意味を持ちません。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japan Railway West Japan (JRW) announced that JRW found about 512,000 lost properties at the stations or in the trains in the 2001 business year. The total number of lost properties  increased by 6% from last year. Umbrellas were the most popular items which accounted for  about one fourth of the total. Clothes, accessories like glasses or sunglasses, shoes, bags and suitcases, and tickets were also popular items.

 

 

読者からの投稿 14(マーチャン、24 August 07

 

According to JR West Japan, the number of articles left behind at railway stations and on the trains in 2001 was 6% more than that of last year and amounted to about 512,000. Umbrellas were the most in number and accounted for a quarter of lost articles. Next came accessories (including clothing, glasses and sunglasses), shoes, bags and commuter passes in that order.

 

添削

 

According to JR West Japan, the number of articles left behind at railway stations and on the trains in 2001 was 6% more than that of last year and amounted to about 512,000. Umbrellas were the most in number and accounted for a quarter of lost articles. Next came accessories (including clothing, glasses and sunglasses), shoes, bags and commuter passes in that order1.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

添削箇所はありません。

 

読者からの投稿 13(散歩人、7 April 07

 

According to West Japan Railway Company's information in 2001, the number of something someone forgot to bring on trains and at stations increased by 6 % in comparison with last year; about 512,000 items. The largest number in the items was Umbrellas which were equal to one-quarter of them and the next is the clothes. Moreover, the subsequent orders are the accessories (glasses, dark glasses and so on), shoes, bags and tickets.

 

添削

 

According to West Japan Railway Company's information in 2001, the number of something someone forgot to bring items left1 on trains and at stations increased by 6 % to 512,000 items in 2001 from 2000 in comparison with last year; about 512,000 items2. The largest number in of the items was were3 Uumbrellas which were equal to one-quarter of them the total and the next is were the clothes. Moreover, tThe subsequent orders of items were are the accessories (glasses, dark sun glasses and so on), shoes, bags and train tickets.

 

コメント

 

1.       「忘れ物」の表現に苦労しましたね。the number of items people forgot to bring home and left on trains and at stationsとすると説明できます。ここでは簡単にthe number of items left on trains and at stationsにしました。

 

2.       X increased by 10 from 10 in 2002 to 20 in 2003.が基本的な文型です。

 

3.       ここではthe number of itemsitemsという複数を受けて複数になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to West Japan Railway, the number of items left on trains and at stations increased by 6 % to 512,000 items in 2001 from 2000. The largest number of items were umbrellas which were equal to one-quarter of the total and the next were clothes. The subsequent order of items were accessories (glasses, sun glasses and so on), shoes, bags and train tickets.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(もき、25 January 07

 

JR West reported that the number of lost articles found in a station yard or in a train in the year 2001 was 512,000, 6% much than the number of last year. Almost one-fourth of all articles were umbrellas which was the most, and followed by clothes, accessories like glasses or sunglasses, a pair of shoes, bags, and tickets.

 

添削

 

JR West reported that the number of lost articles found at stations or on trains1 in a station yard or in a train in the year 2001 was 512,000, 6% much more than the number of in the2 last year. Almost The largest number of articles, almost one-fourth of all3, articles were umbrellas which was the most, and4 followed by clothes, accessories like glasses or sunglasses, a pair of shoes, bags, and tickets.

 

コメント

 

1.       a station yardと言うと駅舎および線路などのあるところ全部を指すので、ここでは駅舎を主に示すstationsにしました。

 

2.       more than the number last yearlast yearを副詞句に使うのが一般的ですが、ここではin the year 2001の対応してthe number in the last yearとしました。

 

3.       about one-fourth of allを間投句にして使ったほうが文が簡単になります。

 

4.       ~ and that was followed by ~が完全な文ですが、省略形は一般的に~, followed by ~になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

JR West reported that the number of lost articles found at stations or on trains in the year 2001 was 512,000, 6% more than the number in the last year. The largest number of articles, almost one-fourth of all, were umbrellas, followed by clothes, accessories like glasses or sunglasses, shoes, bags, and tickets.

 

読者からの投稿 11(Hanasaki, 16 November 06

 

JR West said that the number of the things left behind at stations and on trains in 2001 was 512,000, a 6% increase from the previous year. Umbrellas were the most common things, one forth of them, followed by clothes, accessories such as glasses and sunglasses, shoes, bags and train tickets.

 

添削

 

JR West said that the number of the things left behind at stations and on trains in 2001 was 512,000, a 6% increase from the previous year. Umbrellas were the most common things, accounting for1 one- forth of them, followed by clothes, accessories such as glasses and sunglasses, shoes, bags and train tickets.

 

コメント

 

1.       こうすると傘とのつながりがはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

JR West said that the number of the things left behind at stations and on trains in 2001 was 512,000, a 6% increase from the previous year. Umbrellas were the most common thing, accounting for one- forth of them, followed by clothes, accessories such as glasses and sunglasses, shoes, bags and train tickets.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(吉、14 November 06

 

According to JR West, the number of lost articles in stations and on trains turned out to be no less than 12,000, up 6% percent from the previous year. Umbrellas account for nearly one fourth of the lost articles, followed by clothes, furnishing including glasses and sunglasses, shoes, bags, tickets and so on.

 

添削

 

According to JR West, the number of lost articles left behind1 in stations and on trains in 2001 turned out to be no less than 12,000, a up 6% percent increase2 from the previous year. Umbrellas accounted3 for nearly one- fourth of the lost articles, followed by clothes, furnishing including 4glasses and sunglasses, shoes, bags, tickets and so on.

 

コメント

 

1.       lost articlesとすると〈駅や電車で〉紛失したもの、になりますね。これらは紛失の原因に盗まれたものもあるので、忘れ物はarticles left behindまたはarticles left forgottenがよいでしょう。

 

2.       a six percent increaseのほうがフォーマルな表現です。

 

3.       過去のことなので過去形にします。

 

4.       具体的な品物の名前があるので、これは省略したほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to JR West, the number of articles left behind in stations and on trains in 2001 turned out to be no less than 12,000, a 6 percent increase from the previous year. Umbrellas accounted for nearly one-fourth of the articles, followed by clothes, glasses and sunglasses, shoes, bags, tickets and so on.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(岩ちゃん、30 October 06

 

According to West Japan Railway Company, the number of lost articles in stations and trains in 2001 were 6% more than last year's that to about 512,000. Umbrellas were most and occupied quarter of lost articles. Next, accessories (including clothing, glasses and sunglasses), shoes, bags and commuter passes were more in the order named.

 

添削

 

According to JR West Japan Railway Company1, the number of lost articles left behind2 at in railway stations and on the trains in 2001 were3 was 6% more than that last year's and amounted that to about 512,000. Umbrellas were the most in number4 and occupied accounted for a quarter of lost articles. Next, came accessories (including clothing, glasses and sunglasses), shoes, bags and commuter passes were more in the that order named5.

 

コメント

 

1.       JR西日本の英語名はJR West Japanです。

 

2.       「忘れ物」は英語表現がけっこう難しいです。lost articlesという表現もありますが、これは持ち主から見た場合です。「駅に置き忘れられたもの」というarticles left behind at railway stationsがよいでしょう。

 

3.       the number of articles was ~で動詞がarticlesに対応して複数形にするときもありますが(複数のarticlesに重点を置く場合)、ここでは総数the numberが重要(文に6%と出てくる)ので単数形にします。

 

4.       Umbrellas are most.Umbrellas are the most in number.と表現します。Umbrellas are most.だけでも「傘が一番多かった。」という意味になりそうですが、英語ではmostは何かを比較したときに一番上、という意味だけだから、どのように比較したか述べなければいけない、という論理になります。「傘が(数の比較で)一番多かった。」ということです。

 

5.       Next came accessories.Accessories came next.の倒置形です。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to JR West Japan, the number of articles left behind at railway stations and on the trains in 2001 was 6% more than that last year and amounted to about 512,000. Umbrellas were the most in number and accounted for a quarter of lost articles. Next came accessories (including clothing, glasses and sunglasses), shoes, bags and commuter passes in that order.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(だっち、4 September 06

 

According to JR the west, there were 512000 lost property found in stations and trains in 2001. The number was 6% more than the last year. One-fourth of the lost property was umbrellas, and others are clothes, accessories(ex. glass and sun-glasses), shoes, bags, and train-tickets etc.

 

添削

 

According to JR the wWest Japan, there were 512,000 items left forgotten lost property1 found in at stations and on trains in 2001. The number was 6% more than the last year2. One-fourth of the lost forgotten items property was were3 umbrellas, and others are were clothes, accessories(ex.examples: glasses and sun-glasses), shoes, bags, and train-tickets, etc.

 

コメント

 

1.       512,000 lost items found at stationsとすると、これは512,000 items that had been lost but later found at stationsの意味になります。「51万2000件の品物が、以前どこかで無くなったが(誰かに盗まれたのかもしれません)後に駅で見付かった」という意味ですね。512,000 items left forgotten at stations512,000 items that were left (forgotten) at stationsですから、「51万2000件の品物が駅に(忘れて)残されていた」というようになります。これには「見つかった」ということは直接書いてありませんが、意味は含まれています。名詞を動名詞で修飾するのは難しいですね。According to JR West Japan, they found 512,000 items at stations and on trains in 2001. These items were left behind by passengers.とすると動名詞を使わずに内容を書けます。

 

2.       last year, this year, last winterなどは前置詞無しで副詞句として使います。

 

3.       one-forth of the forgotten items were ~だはone forthは単数ですが、itemsが複数ですね。ここではone-forth of the forgotten itemsitemsの方を強調してwereと複数にするのが一般的です。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to JR West Japan, there were 512,000 items left forgotten at stations and on trains in 2001. The number was 6% more than last year. One-fourth of the forgotten items  were umbrellas, and others were clothes, accessories(examples: glasses and sun-glasses), shoes, bags, train-tickets, etc.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(NMK, 15 May 06

 

JR west Japan says that there were about fifty-one-millions and two thousands of forgotten stuffs in trains and at stations in year of 2001, which number is 6% more than a previous year. One fourth of all the forgotten stuffs were umbrellas and this was the biggest number, followed by clothes, accessories such as glasses and sunshades, shoes, bags and train tickets.

 

添削

 

JR wWest Japan says that there were about fifty-one- millions and two thousands of forgotten stuffs1 in trains and at stations in the year of 20012, which was number is 6% more than a the previous year. One fourth of all the forgotten stuffs them were umbrellas. Umbrellas were and this was the biggest largest number of items3, followed by clothes, accessories such as glasses and sunshades, shoes, bags and train tickets.

 

コメント

 

1.       staffは集合名詞でモノの集合全体を指しますから、常に単数形で使います。

 

2.       年号の表記はin 2001, in year 2001, in the year of 2001などありますが、文章の中のほかの数字と混乱せずに年号であることがわかる場合は単にin 2001でよいです。

 

3.       ~ and this was the largest numberとすると、このthisOne fourthを指します。するとfollowed by ~以下はone tenth by clothes, another one tenth by accessoriesというように表現しないと形が合いません。添削のようにうするか、また次のようにします。Umbrellas, accounting for one forth of the forgotten staff, were the largest number of items, followed by ~.

 

添削後の文章

 

JR West Japan says that there were about fifty-one million and two thousands of forgotten stuff in trains and at stations in the year of 2001, which was 6% more than the previous year. One fourth of them were umbrellas. Umbrellas were the largest number of items, followed by clothes, accessories such as glasses and sunshades, shoes, bags and train tickets.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(バリコ、16 March 06

 

JR West said the number of items found in stations and trains in 2001 increased more 6 % approximately as many as 510.000 than the previous year. Umbrellas account for about one forth in total, which is a largest number, followed by clothing, accessory such as glasses and sun-glasses, shoes, bags, tickets and so on.

 

添削

 

JR West said1 the number of items found in stations and on trains in 2001 increased more 6 % approximately as many as 510.000 than the previous year and was as many as 510,0002. Umbrellas accounted3 for about one forth in of total, which is was a the largest number of items, followed by clothing, accessoryies such as glasses and sun-glasses, shoes, bags, tickets and so on.

 

コメント

 

1.       「JR西日本によると 〜」をJR West said ~と表現したのがわかりやすくてよいですね。

 

2.       この部分を一つの節にして表現すると簡単になります。

 

3.       忘れ物の数は過去のことなので過去形にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

JR West said the number of items found in stations and on trains in 2001 increased more 6 % than the previous year and was as many as 510,000. Umbrellas accounted for about one forth of total, which was the largest number of items, followed by clothing, accessories such as glasses and sun-glasses, shoes, bags, tickets and so on.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(tange, 14 February 06

 

Lost properties found in train stations and passenger carriages rouse 512,000 in 2001, according to JR West, West Japan Railway Company. This number gains 6% comparing to last year. The largest number is an umbrella, which occupied one-fourth. Others were cloths, accessories such as glasses and sunglasses, shoes, bags, tickets and so on.

 

添削

 

The number of items left behind1 Lost properties found in at train stations and on passenger carriages rouse amounted to 512,000 in 2001, according to JR West, West Japan Railway Company2. This number gains indicates3 a 6% increase over comparing to last year. The largest number of items were4 is an umbrellas, which occupied accounted for one-fourth. Others were clothes, accessories such as glasses and sunglasses, shoes, bags, tickets and so on.

 

添削

 

1.       The number of lost properties found at train stations ~The number of ~を付け加えます。「忘れ物」を和英で引くとlost propertyという言葉も出てきますが、これは「どこかで失くしてしまったもの」一般を指します。lost properties found at train stationsとすると、「どこかで失くしたが駅で見つかったもの」という意味になりますね。駅で置き忘れたり落としたものが大部分でしょうが、読者は字句どおりに解釈するので何かしっくりしない印象を受けます。「忘れ物」の内容を考えてThe number of items left behind (by passengers) at train stations ~とすると具体的になるでしょう。日本文の内容をなるべく具体的に言い直して表現する、というのも英作文のコツの一つです。

 

2.       JR西日本のホームページに正式な英語会社名がWest Japan Railway Companyと出ていますね。良く確かめましたね。しかし、JR西日本という通称の英語名が見つかりませんでした。英語会社名からするとJR West Japanなのかとも思いますが、英文の形式から言うとJR Western Japanのほうが一般的になります。この問題の他の投稿の添削ではとりあえずJR Western Japanにしておきました。

 

3.       This number (512,000)と特定な数字のことを指しているので、This number indicates ~としました。単にThe number (忘れ物の数)を使えば、The number increased by 6 percent from last year.と表現できます。

4.       The largest number of items were umbrellas ~of itemsを入れると忘れ物の数ということがはっきりします。ここでthe largest numberは単数ですが、the largest number of item全体を主語としたときにumbrellasの複数の対応してwereと複数形で表現するとが多くなっています。

 

添削後の文章

 

The number of items left behind at train stations and on passenger carriages amounted to 512,000 in 2001, according to West Japan Railway Company. This number indicates a 6% increase over last year. The largest number of items were umbrellas, which accounted for one-fourth. Others were clothes, accessories such as glasses and sunglasses, shoes, bags, tickets and so on.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 1 Aug 05

 

JR west corp. said, up 5% from last fiscal year, about 512 thousands of things were left behind in stations and trains in fy2001. Umbrellas accounted for quarter of total and ranked first, next were accessories like clothes, glasses or sunglasses, shoes, bags and tickets.

 

添削

 

JR west Western Japan corp. said, that up 5% from last fiscal year, about 512 thousands of things items, a six percent increase from the last fiscal year,1 were left behind in stations and trains in fy the 2001 fiscal year2. Umbrellas accounted for a quarter of the total and ranked first, and next were accessories like clothes, glasses or sunglasses, shoes, bags and tickets ranked second3.

 

コメント

 

1.       「前年度より6%多い」は補足なので、先ず「約51万2000件」を先に書きます。

 

2.       読者がfyの意味を知っているとは限らないので、略式な表現法を使わずにthe 2001 fiscal year とします。

 

3.       二つの内容が並列で表現されているので、文の後半の形式を前半に合わせると読みやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

JR Western Japan said that about 512 thousand items, a six percent increase from the last fiscal year, were left behind in stations and trains in the 2001 fiscal year. Umbrellas accounted for a quarter of the total and ranked first, and accessories like clothes, glasses or sunglasses, shoes, bags and tickets ranked second.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(かっぱん、10 April 05

 

JR Nishi-Nippon says that the number of lost properties found in the station yards or in the trains in the year of 2001 is about 512,000, a six percent increase over the last year. Almost quarter of those were umbrellas, followed by clothes, accessories (glasses or sunglasses etc), shoes, bags, and railway passes.

 

添削

 

JR Nishi-Nippon says said that the number of lost properties found in the stations yards or in on the trains in the year of 2001 is was1 about 512,000, a six percent increase over the last year. Almost a quarter of those were umbrellas, followed by clothes, accessories (glasses, or2 sunglasses, etc), shoes, bags, and railway passes.

 

コメント

 

1.       2001年の忘れ物の総数がわかっているということは、2001年がすでに終わっているということなので、wasと過去形にしました。これに併せてJR Nishi-Nippon said that ~としました。まだ2001年が終わっていないのなら、JR Nishi-Nippon says that the number of lost properties found in the stations or on the trains has been about 512,00 so far in the year of 2001, a six percent increase over the same period last year.となります。文脈から見て前者のようです。

 

2.       a, b, c, etc.という表現になるのでglasses, sunglasses, etc.と並列にならべてよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

JR Nishi-Nippon said that the number of lost properties found in the stations or on the trains in the year of 2001 was about 512,000, a six percent increase over the last year. Almost a quarter of those were umbrellas, followed by clothes, accessories (glasses, sunglasses, etc), shoes, bags, and railway passes.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(tonton, 1 Feb 02

 

JR Nishinippon, a Japanese railroad company, says that about five hundred and twelve thousand cases were reported as people left things behind in the station buildings or the trains in 2001. This marked a 6 % increase over the previous year.  The most common items were umbrellas which took approximately 25 % of whole the cases, followed by clothes, glasses or sunglasses, shoes, bags, and also railroad tickets.

 

添削

 

JR NishinipponNishi-Nippon, a Japanese railroad company, says that about five hundred and twelve thousand cases1 were reported in 2001 as people left things –personal belongings behind in the train stations buildings - or on the trains in 2001. This marked a 6 % increase over the previous year2. The most common items were umbrellas, which took approximately 25 % of whole the cases the all items3, followed by clothes, glasses or sunglasses, shoes, bags, and also railroad tickets.

 

1.       細かい理屈をつければ、reportedですと、「忘れ物をした人がJR西日本の届け出た件数が512000件あった。」ということになりますね。忘れ物を届け出ない人も多いから、この512000件というのは駅員や車掌がみつけた忘れ物の数で、忘れ物の届け出件数ではないのでしょうね。

 

2.       「前年度より6%多い約51万2000件もあった。」を二つの文にして、This marked a 6% increase over the previous year.としたのは分かりやすくて良いですね。

 

3.       Wholeは「全体として一つ」という意味ですから、The earthquake shook the whole of the building. I traveled Europe the whole of August. He ate the whole watermelon by himself.などのように使います。

 

添削後の文章

 

JR Nishi-Nippon, a Japanese railroad company, says that about five hundred and twelve thousand cases were reported in 2001 as people left personal belongings behind in the train stations or on the trains. This marked a 6 % increase over the previous year. The most common items were umbrellas, which took approximately 25 % of the all items, followed by clothes, glasses or sunglasses, shoes, bags, and also railroad tickets.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(あかね、1 Dec 02

 

JR Western Japan says that passengers left 512,000 items behind on the trains and in the stations in the year 2001. The number of items left behind was 6 percent greater than that in the year 2000. Among those items, umbrellas were the greatest in number, accounting for almost 25 percent, followed by clothing, personal accessories such as glasses and sun glasses, shoes, briefcases, and railway passes.

 

添削

 

JR Western Japan says that in the year 20012 passengers left 512,000 items behind on the trains and in the stations in the year 2001.1 The number of items left behind was 6 percent greater than that in the year 2000. Among those items, umbrellas were the greatest in number, accounting for a3 Almost 25 percent, of the items were umbrellas, followed by clothing, personal accessories such as glasses and sun glasses sunglasses, shoes, briefcases, and railway passes.

 

コメント

 

1.       「JR西日本によると、2001年度に駅構内や列車内で見つかった忘れ物は、前年度より6%多い約51万2000件もあった。」という日本文の内容はつい日本語の構文に引きずられて、次のように英語で表現したくなります。According to JR Western Japan, the number of items left on the trains and in the stations in the year 2001 amounted to 512,000, that was 6 percent greater that the previous year. これでも日本文の内容は表現されていますが、「忘れ物」が主語になり、また「約51万2000件」が文の後ろのほうになって表現が弱くなります。あかねさんはJR Western Japanと乗客を主語にして文の主人公がわかるようにしました。プレイン・イングリッシュの原則を上手に応用しています。

 

2.       英文では文の最初と最後の部分、特に最後の部分が読者の印象に残ります(英語を母語としている人はこのような文の内容の理解が頭に入っている)。In the year 2001を文の最後に置くと文の内容が弱くなるので前のほうに移しました。

 

3.       Almost 25 percent of the items were umbrellas,…とすると文の内容の表現が直裁ではっきりします。傘を主語にしたほうが良いように思えますが、考えてみるとこの文の内容は「25パーセント」を主語にしたほうがはっきりします。「英文の主語は文の主人公にする」がプレイン・イングリッシュの原則ですが、主人公は必ずしも生物、無生物とは限らず、パーセントのような概念でも良い、という見本です。

 

添削後の文章

 

JR Western Japan says that in the year 2001 passengers left 512,000 items behind on the trains and in the stations. The number of items left behind was 6 percent greater than that in the year 2000.  Almost 25 percent of the items were umbrellas, followed by clothing, personal accessories such as glasses and sunglasses, shoes, briefcases, and railway passes.