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初級練習問題の添削 5

 

(31 Jan 03) (21 June 04) (30 July 05) (25 Nov 05) (8 Feb 06) (15 March 06) (13 May 06)

(23 June 06) (11 July 06) (22 Aug 06) (23 Oct 06) (15 Nov 06) (18 Jan 07) (6 April 07)

(23 Aug 07) (20 Oct 07) (26 Feb 08)  

 

(6 Jan 09) (17 May 09) (21 June 09) (30 Aug 09) (18 Nov 09) (29 Dec 09) (19 Feb 09)

(21 Feb 12) (8 May 12) (1 May 13) (28 July 13) (11 Nov 13) (15 June 14)

 

旅行最大手のJTBがまとめた今秋のハネムーンの行き先の調査によると、5年連続でハワイが1位となり、根強い人気を示した。一方、ここ数年のイタリアブームを反映して、2位には1969年の調査開始以来初めて、ヨーロッパが入った。

 

読者からの投稿 35(Best of British, 15 June 14

 

The survey about destinations of trips conducted by JTB, the largest company in travel business shows that Hawaii is chosen to be the most popular place to visit for five successive times, which shows its strong popularity, while Europe, reflecting recent the boom of Italy trips, comes in the second place for the first time since the beginning of the surveys, 1969.

 

添削

 

The survey about destinations of honeymoon trips in the coming fall conducted by JTB, the largest company in travel business shows that Hawaii is chosen to be the most popular place to visit for the last five successive times years, maintaining which shows its strong popularity, while Europe, reflecting the recent the boom of Italy trips, comes in the second place for the first time since the beginning of the surveys, begun in1969.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかりますが、ハネムーン旅行の調査という大切な情報が欠けています。

 

添削後の文章

 

The survey about destinations of honeymoon trips in the coming fall conducted by JTB, the largest company in travel business shows that Hawaii is chosen to be the most popular place to visit for the last five successive years, maintaining its strong popularity, while Europe, reflecting the recent the boom of Italy trips, comes in the second place for the first time since the survey begun in1969.

 

 

読者からの投稿 34(owl, 11 November 13

 

According to a survey on honeymoon destinations this fall compiled by the travel agency JTB, Hawaii came in first for the fifth consecutive year, showing enduring popularity. Meanwhile, in a reflection of the Italy boom for the last couple of years, Europe came in second for the first time since the start of the survey in 1969.

 

添削

 

According to a survey on honeymoon destinations this fall compiled by a the travel agency JTB, Hawaii came in first for the fifth consecutive year, showing its enduring popularity. Meanwhile, in a reflection of the Italy boom for the last couple of years, Europe came in second for the first time since the start of the survey started1 in 1969.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       名詞句よりも動詞の入った文のほうがわかりやすくなります。究極のわかりやすい英文を書くとは、「主語+動詞+目的語」の形式を如何に文章の中で目立つようして書くかということです。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to a survey on honeymoon destinations this fall compiled by a  travel agency JTB, Hawaii came in first for the fifth consecutive year, showing its enduring popularity. Meanwhile, in a reflection of the Italy boom for the last couple of years, Europe came in second for the first time since the  survey started in 1969.

 

 

読者からの投稿 33(sasuke, 28 July 13

 

According to the report which is a study of honeymoon destination by JTB who is the largest travel agent, Hawaii won for the fifth straight year and showed its firm popularity. On the other hand, Europe came in second place by reflecting Italy boom. It's the first time ever since the study began in 1969.

 

添削

 

According to the report which is a study of honeymoon destinations by JTB, who is the largest travel agent, Hawaii won the first place1 for the fifth straight year and showed its firm popularity. On the other hand,2 Europe came in second3 place by reflecting the current Italian Italy boom. It's for the first time ever since the study began in 1969.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       wonに目的語が必要です。

 

2.       On  one hand, ~.  On the other hand, ~.と一対にしてつかいます。

 

3.       came into the second placeまたはsecondを副詞句に使ってcame in secondとなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to a study of honeymoon destinations by JTB,  the largest travel agent, Hawaii won the first place for the fifth straight year and showed its firm popularity.  Europe came in second by reflecting the current Italian  boom for the first time ever since the study began in 1969.

 

 

読者からの投稿 30(文月、1 May 13

 

JTB, the largest travel agency in Japan, has announced the results of a survey about honeymoon destinations of this autumn. According to it, Hawaii is the most popular destination for the fifth consecutive year. On the other hand, reflecting the recent Italia boom, Europe ranks second for the first time ever since the survey began in 1969.

 

添削

 

JTB, the largest travel agency in Japan, has announced the results of a survey about honeymoon destinations in1 of this autumn. According to it the survey, Hawaii is the most popular destination for the fifth consecutive year. On the other hand2, rReflecting the recent Italian boom, Europe ranks second for the first time ever since the survey began in 1969.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。

 

1.       今年の秋(未来)のハネムーンの行き先、という意味がin this autumn のほうがはっきりするでしょう。

 

2.       On one hand, A. On the other hand, B.とAとBの対比になりますが、ハワイとヨーロッパがハネムーンの行き先争いをしている、ということが文章の中心ではないので、添削のようにしたほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

JTB, the largest travel agency in Japan, has announced the results of a survey about honeymoon destinations in  this autumn. According to  the survey, Hawaii is the most popular destination for the fifth consecutive year. Reflecting the recent Italian boom, Europe ranks second for the first time r since the survey began in 1969.

 

 

読者からの投稿 29(Yasuaki, 8 May 12

 

According to the survey about the destination of a honeymoon complied by JTB who is the largest travel agency in Japan, at the top was Hawaii in consecutive 5 years and Hawaii had a deep-rooted popularity. On the other hand, Europe was 2nd place in a reflection of "Italy boom" for several years for the first time since 1969 when the survey was first taken.

 

添削

 

According to a the survey about the destinations of a honeymooners complied by JTB that who is the largest travel agency in Japan, at the top was Hawaii was at the top in the consecutive 5 years, showing that1 and Hawaii had a deep-rooted popularity. On the other hand2, Europe was got the 2nd place for the first time since 1969 when the survey was first taken3 in a reflectionng of the "Italy boom" for the last several years for the first time since 1969 when the survey was first taken.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       元のままでも良いですが、こうすると次に良く続きます。

 

2.       On one hand A. On the other hand B.ABの対比する内容を記述するときに使います。ここではハワイとヨーロッパが特に対比してはいないのでon the other handは使いません。

 

3.       the second place for ~と内容の連結の強いところは続けた方が読みやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to a survey about the destinations of honeymooners complied by JTB that is the largest travel agency in Japan, Hawaii was at the top in the consecutive 5 years, showing that Hawaii had a deep-rooted popularity. Europe was got the 2nd place for the first time since 1969 when the survey was first taken reflecting the "Italy boom" for the last several years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 28(Valley winds, 21 February 12

 

A survey on destinations for this fall’s honeymoons conducted by JTB, which was the biggest travel agency, revealed that Hawaii won the first prize five years in a row and it had been very popular for long years. While Europe came in second for the first time since beginning their research in 1969, because in recent years Italy was was getting popular more and more.  

 

添削

 

A survey on destinations for this fall’s honeymoons conducted by JTB, which was the biggest travel agency, revealed that Hawaii won the first prize five years in a row. and it Hawaii1 had been very popular for long years. While Europe came in second for the first time since beginning their research the survey started2 in 1969., This3 was because in recent years Italy was was becoming more and more getting popular more and more4.  

 

コメント

 

内容のほぼ総てがわかります。

 

1.       Andでつなげるにはandの前後の内容がもっと密接に関連している必要があります。ここから新しい文にするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       すでにa surveyとしてあるので同じ名称を使います。

 

3.       文が長くなるのでここから新しい文にするとよいでしょう。日本文には「イタリアブーム」とあるのでboomを英文にも使うと内容がより明確になるでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey on destinations for this fall’s honeymoons conducted by JTB, which was the biggest travel agency, revealed that Hawaii won the first prize five years in a row. Hawaii had been very popular for long years. Europe came in second for the first time since the survey started in 1969. This was because in recent years Italy was becoming more and more  popular.  

 

 

読者からの投稿 27(Ringo, 31 July 11

 

JTB, the biggest travel agent in Japan, investigated about where people want to go to as honeymoon this autumn. Hawaii is the most popular place and has kept the top in last 5 years includes this year. While the second place people want to go to was in Europe. This is the first time from the beginning of investigation since 1969. It seems that an Italian boom in resent several years caused this result.

 

添削

 

JTB, the biggest travel agency agent1 in Japan, investigated about where people wanted2 to go for to as honeymoon this autumn. Hawaii was is the most popular place and had has kept the top position in the last 5 years includes this year. While tThe second place people wanted to go to was in Europe. This was is the first time when Europe was chosen since from the beginning of investigation started in since 1969. It seemsed that the an Italian boom in the last resent several years contributed to caused this result.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       Agent は人ですからagencyにします。

 

2.       日本人になかなか馴染めない英文法に「動詞の時制の一致」というものがあります。英語の癖だと思って馴染む努力をしてください。

 

添削後の文章

 

JTB, the biggest travel agency in Japan, investigated about where people wanted to go for honeymoon this autumn. Hawaii was the most popular place and had kept the top position in the last 5 years includes. The second place people wanted to go was Europe. This was the first time when Europe was chosen since the investigation started in 1969. It seemed that the Italian boom in the last resent several years contributed to this result.

 

 

読者からの投稿 26(あんこ、19 February 10

 

The largest travel agency, JTB, surveyed where newlyweds were planning to visit this fall on their honeymoons. Hawaii has been the most popular destination for five years in a row.  Europe is ranked the second for the first time since JTB started the poll in 1969. This could reflect an Italian boon in Japan in recent years.

 

添削

 

The largest travel agency in Japan1, JTB, surveyed where newlyweds were planning to visit this fall on their honeymoons. The results showed2 that Hawaii had has been the most popular destination for five years in a row.  Europe was is ranked the second for the first time since JTB started the poll in 1969. This could reflect an Italian boon in Japan in recent years.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       添削問題の回答は英語を日常使う人を読者に想定しているので、in Japanと入れるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       前の文とのつながりがあるようにThe results showed that ~をいれました。すると、動詞の時制の習慣でshowedの時制に合わせてhad been, wasになります。The results showed that ~がなければ、現在完了形でもよいでしょう。小説などで、過去形が文章の基本の時制になっている文章では、The results showed that ~が無いときでも、Hawaii had been the most ~.というよいうに時制をあわせることが多いです。

 

添削後の文章

 

The largest travel agency in Japan, JTB, surveyed where newlyweds were planning to visit this fall on their honeymoons. The results showed that Hawaii had been the most popular destination for five years in a row. Europe was ranked second for the first time since JTB started the poll in 1969. This could reflect an Italian boon in Japan in recent years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 25(Tatsuo, 29 December 09

 

JTB, which is the biggest travel agency in Japan, made the summary of their investigation about the destination of honeymoon in this autumn. Hawaii has kept the No.1 popular destination for five consecutive years. It showed a long-term popularity among a public. On the other hand, Europe was marked No.2, which was the first time since 1969 started this investigation, to reflect a boom of Italy in this several years.

 

添削

 

JTB, which is the biggest largest1 travel agency in Japan, made a the summary of their survey2 investigation about the destination of honeymoon in this autumn. Hawaii has kept the position of No.1 popular destination for five consecutive years. It showed a long-term popularity among honeymooners a public. On the other hand, Europe was marked3 the No.2 position, which was for the first time since 1969 when started this survey4 investigation started, to reflect a the Italian boom of Italy in this for the last several years.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、わかり難いところがあります。

 

1.       組織の大きさにはbigよりlargeのほうが多く使われます。

 

2.       標本調査のように人の意見を聞く調査はa surveyと言います。

 

3.       markを能動態にして、Europe marked the No. 2 position.としたほうが内容がはっきりします。

 

4.       which was the first time since 1969 started this investigationでは文になりません。

 

添削後の文章

 

JTB, which is the largest travel agency in Japan, made a summary of their survey about the destination of honeymoon this autumn. Hawaii has kept the position of No.1 popular destination for five consecutive years. It showed a long-term popularity among honeymooners. On the other hand, Europe marked the No.2 position for the first time since 1969 when this survey started, to reflect the Italian boom for the last several years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 24(びび、18 November 09

 

The largest travel company JTB conducted a survey about the destinations for honey moon travels of this fall. According to that survey Hawaii was the most popular place among the newly couples for five years in a row and showed its deep-rooted popularity among  honeymooners. And Europe became the second popular place for the first time since the  survey was conducted in 1969. It seems that Italian boom in these several years reflected the result.

 

添削

 

The largest travel company in Japan, JTB, conducted a survey about the destinations for honey moon honeymoons1 travels of this fall. According to the that survey, Hawaii was the most popular place among the newly couples2 for five years in a row and showed its deep-rooted popularity among honeymooners. And Europe became the second popular place for the first time since the survey started was conducted in 1969. It seems that the Italian boom in these several years was reflected in the rising popularity of Europe3 the result.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。日本文の内容をひとまず英文で表現したあとで、英文を独立の文章と考えて内容を簡略にしたり補足すると、元の日本文の構造にとらわれない英文が書きやすくなります。

 

1.       すでにdestinationsと言ってあるので省略したほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       ハニームーンが文章の話題なので、これも省略したほうが文章が簡略になります。

 

3.       The rising popularity of Europe reflects the Italian boom in these years. または添削のような構文になります。~ since the survey started in 1969, reflecting the Italian boom in these several years.と文をつなげることも出来ます。

 

添削後の文章

 

The largest travel company in Japan, JTB, conducted a survey about the destinations for  honeymoons this fall. According to the survey, Hawaii was the most popular place for five years in a row and showed its deep-rooted popularity among honeymooners. And Europe became the second popular place for the first time since the survey started in 1969. It seems that the Italian boom in these several years was reflected in the rising popularity of Europe.

 

 

読者からの投稿 23(Yoshi, 30 August 09

 

According to the study of JTB, a leading travel agency, collecting information for a destination of a honeymoon this fall, While Hawaii is the most popular for the fifth consecutive year and the study shows a deep-rooted popularity.  Italy is the first time in Europe to rank in the second reflected by Italian boom for several years since the study started in 1969.

 

添削

 

According to a survey by the study of JTB, a leading travel agency, of collecting information for a destination of a honeymoon this fall, While Hawaii is was1 the most popular place for honeymoons this fall for the fifth consecutive year and the study showsed its a deep-rooted popularity among honeymooners2. Italy is the first time in Europe3 to ranked in the second for the first time since the survey started in 1969, reflecteding by the Italian boom for the last several years since the study started in 1969.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、わからないところがあります。

 

1.       調査は既に完了していますから、文章全体を過去形にします。

 

2.       A, while B. という文の構造ですが、Aは従属節ですから、while B.だけでは文は完成しません。添削のようにwhileを除去して、完成した文にします。

 

3.       日本文によると、2位はヨーロッパでイタリアではありません。この文章の要点はEurope ranked second.であとは補足説明です。先ず、この要点を押さえるとあとの補足説明が簡単になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to a survey by JTB, a leading travel agency, Hawaii was1 the most popular place for honeymoons this fall for the fifth consecutive year and showed its deep-rooted popularity among honeymooners. Europe ranked second for the first time since the survey started in 1969, reflecting the Italian boom for the last several years .

 

 

読者からの投稿 22(mxtomi, 21 June 09

 

According to a survey by JTB, the largest travel agency, on the destination of honeymoon this fall, Hawaii ranked top for the 5th straight year, thus demonstrating its deep-rooted popularity. Meanwhile, Europe came second for the first time since the survey began in 1969, reflecting the Italy boom for the last couple of years.

 

添削

 

According to a survey by JTB, the largest travel agency, of on the destinations for of honeymoon this fall by JTB, the largest travel agency1, Hawaii ranked top for the 5th straight year, thus demonstrating its deep-rooted popularity. Meanwhile, Europe came second for the first time since the survey began in 1969, reflecting the Italy boom for the last couple of years.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       どのような調査か、の説明が文頭に来たほうが良いでしょう。するとJTBが文末になってしまいます。JTB, the largest travel agency, surveyed most popular destinations for honeymooners this fall. They found that ~.という構文もあります。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to a survey of destinations for honeymoon this fall by JTB, the largest travel agency, Hawaii ranked top for the 5th straight year, thus demonstrating its deep-rooted popularity. Meanwhile, Europe came second for the first time since the survey began in 1969, reflecting the Italy boom for the last couple of years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 21(TOMOYA, 17 May 09

 

JTB, the biggest travel agency, investigated popular destination for honeymoon this fall and they showed that Hawaii was ranked the 1st destination for five years in a row and showed deep-rooted popularity. The investigation reflected recent Italian boom in Japan, Europe was ranked the 2nd destination for the first time since the investigation started in 1969.

 

添削

 

JTB, the biggest travel agency in Japan, investigated conducted a survey of1 popular destinations for honeymoon this fall and found they showed that Hawaii was ranked2 first the 1st destination for five years in a row and showeding its deep-rooted popularity among honeymooners . The investigation r Reflecteding the recent Italian boom in Japan3, Europe was ranked second the 2nd destination for the first time since the survey investigation started in 1969.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       investigated popular destinationsとすると、実際にJTBの職員が現地に行って調べた、というようにも解釈できます。

 

2.       Hawaiiを文の主体にしてrankを自動詞にしたほうがわかりややすいでしょう。firstは副詞になります。

 

3.       投稿のままだと、独立した二つ文がコンマで区切られています。添削のように最初の文を従属節にするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

JTB, the biggest travel agency in Japan, conducted a survey of popular destinations for honeymoon this fall and found that Hawaii ranked first for five years in a row, showing its deep-rooted popularity among honeymooners. Reflecting the recent Italian boom in Japan, Europe ranked second for the first time since the survey started in 1969.

 

 

読者からの投稿 20(riba, 6 January 09

 

JTB, one of the biggest travel agencies in Japan, has conducted a survey on honeymoons. The survey says that Hawaii is the most popular destination for the fifth consecutive year. On the other hand, Europe is the second for the first time since the survey started in 1969 because of the Italian boom over the last few years.

 

添削

 

JTB, one of the biggest travel agencies in Japan, has conducted a survey on honeymoons. The survey says has found that Hawaii is remains as the most popular destination for the fifth consecutive year. On the other hand, Europe is the second for the first time since the survey started in 1969 because of the Italian boom over the last few years.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。添削は内容を強調するようにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

JTB, one of the biggest travel agencies in Japan, has conducted a survey on honeymoons. The survey has found that Hawaii remains as the most popular destination for the fifth consecutive year. On the other hand, Europe is the second for the first time since the survey started in 1969 because of the Italian boom over the last few years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 19(おばさん、26 February 08

 

According to the survey of JTB, the biggest travel agency in Japan, Hawaii took the first place for the honeymoon destination of this fall for consecutive five years, which showed Hawaii maintained a strong popularity. Besides, reflecting a recent Italian boom, Europe became the second place since 1969, the start of the survey.

 

添削

 

According to the survey of JTB, the biggest travel agency in Japan, Hawaii took the first place for the honeymoon destination of this fall for the consecutive five consecutive years, which showed that Hawaii maintained a strong popularity. Besides, reflecting a the recent Italian boom, Europe became the second place for the first time since the survey started in 1969, the start of the survey.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが Europe became the second place since 1969, the start of the survey. の意味がはっきりしません。ヨーロッパが調査の始まった1969年以来で二番になった、というような意味で、1969年にも二番だった、ととれます。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to the survey of JTB, the biggest travel agency in Japan, Hawaii took the first place for the honeymoon destination of this fall for the five consecutive years, which showed that Hawaii maintained strong popularity. Besides, reflecting the recent Italian boom, Europe became the second place for the first time since the survey started in 1969.

 

 

読者からの投稿 18(kk, 16 January 08

 

JTB, the biggest tourist agency, made a survey on the destination for honeymoon this fall and the result showed that Hawaii was the ever popular destination, gaining the first place for five years in a row. In addition, European country took the second place for the first time since 1969's first survey, reflecting the 'Italia fad' in recent years.

 

添削

 

JTB, the biggest tourist travel agency, made a survey on the destination for honeymoon in the coming1 this fall and the results showed that Hawaii was the ever popular destination, gaining keeping the first place for five years in a row. In addition, European country countries took the second place for the first time since 1969's the first survey in 1969, reflecting the 'Italia fad' in recent years.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       今秋の調査なのか、今秋に行く予定のハネムーンかはっきりさせるために添削のように言い換えるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

JTB, the biggest travel agency, made a survey on the destination for honeymoon in the coming fall and the results showed that Hawaii was the ever popular destination, keeping the first place for five years in a row. In addition, European countries took the second place for the first time since the first survey in 1969, reflecting the 'Italia fad' in recent years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 17(dunkel, 20 October 07

 

JTB, Japan's biggest travel agency, investigated the popular place for honeymoon trip on this autumn. The result showed us that Hawaii kept the most popular place still now on. On the other hand, Europe get the second place on the first time since 1969 when they started their investigation because of the increasing number of the funs on Italy in these years.

 

添削

 

JTB, Japan's biggest travel agency, investigated the popular places1 for honeymoon trips on this autumn. The result showed us that Hawaii has still2 kept the most popular place still now on. On the other hand,3 Europe get the second place on for the first time since 1969 when they JTB4 started their its investigation because of the increasing number of the funs on of Italy in these years.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       いろいろなところにハネムーンに行くので複数になります。

 

2.       今までずっと、なのでhas keptとなります。

 

3.       on the other handは二つのものを比較します。On one hand, I want to go to a tropical beach. On the other hand, I want to visit historical cities. ここではハワイとヨーロッパの競争ということは触れていないので、on the other handは必要ありません。

 

4.       代名詞を使わずに名詞を繰り返して使うと内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

JTB, Japan's biggest travel agency, investigated popular places for honeymoon trips this autumn. The result showed us that Hawaii has still kept the most popular place. Europe get the second place for the first time since 1969 when JTB started its investigation because of the increasing number of funs of Italy in these years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 16(マーチャン、23 August 07

 

The largest tour agency, JTB, surveyed the places that newly wed couples hoped to visit for their honeymoon this autumn. According to its results, Hawaii took first place for five years in a row and still showed deep-rooted popularity. On the other hand, reflecting the Italian boom for the past several years, Europe took second place for the first time since the survey had started in 1969.

 

添削

 

The largest tour agency in Japan, JTB, surveyed the places that where newly- wed couples hoped wanted2 to visit for their honeymoon this autumn. According to its results, Hawaii took the first place for five years in a row and still showed deep-rooted popularity. On the other hand3, rReflecting the Italian boom for the past several years, Europe took the second place for the first time since the survey had started in 19691.

 

コメント

 

1.       英文の内容の総てがわかります。わかりやすい英文です。

 

2.       On one hand, A. On the other hand, B.と二つの性質の異なったものを並べて述べるときに使います。ここではこのような対比をしていないのでOn the other handは必要ありません。

 

3.       hope to go行けたらいいな期待している、want to go行きたいと思っている、なので後者のほうが行くことについて実現する可能性が高いです。

 

添削後の文章

 

The largest tour agency in Japan, JTB, surveyed the places where newly-wed couples wanted to visit for their honeymoon this autumn. According to its results, Hawaii took the first place for five years in a row and still showed deep-rooted popularity. Reflecting the Italian boom for the past several years, Europe took the second place for the first time since the survey had started in 1969.

 

 

読者からの投稿 15(散歩人、6 April 07

 

According to the result that JTB which is the largest tour company in Japan investigated popular destination of honeymoon this autumn, Hawaii won first place for five years and showed deep-rooted popularity. It has been the first time since this research were started in 1969 that European countries were the second place for honeymoon. The latter case was reflected by Italian boom in Japan over the past several years.

 

添削

 

According to the results of a survey1 that JTB, which is the largest tour company in Japan, investigated conducted on popular destinations of honeymoon this autumn, Hawaii won the first place for five years in a row and showed its deep-rooted popularity among Japanese honeymooners2. It has been was3 the first time since this research were started4 in 1969 that European countries were chosen as5 the second popular place for honeymoon. The latter case wasThis6 reflected by the Italian boom in Japan over the past several years.

 

コメント

 

1.       ここに調査を入れます。

 

2.       日本文には書いてありませんが、この添削講座の英文は英語を日常使っている人を読者に想定しているので、この補足説明を入れると内容がはっきりします。

 

3.       has been ~は過去から現在まで継続した状態を示します。ここでは1989年以来初めてなので、wasとします(wonの過去形に時制の一致で合わせます)。

 

4.       this research was started (by JTB) in 1969と受動態の表現もありますが、the researchを主語にしてthe research started in 1969の方が簡潔です。

 

5.       European countries were in the second placeでもよいですが、添削のようにすると内容がはっきりします。wereが単に状態を示すのに対し、were chosenは動作が入り内容がはっきりします。

 

6.       すぐ前の文の内容なので、Thisでよいでしょう。The Italian boom was reflected in this result.またThis result reflected the Italian boom.という表現になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to the results of a survey that JTB, which is the largest tour company in Japan, conducted on popular destinations of honeymoon this autumn, Hawaii won the first place for five years in a row and showed its deep-rooted popularity among Japanese honeymooners. It was the first time since this research started in 1969 that European countries were chosen as the second popular place for honeymoon. This reflected the Italian boom in Japan over the past several years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 14(もき、18 January 07

 

The research of honeymoon in this fall by JTB, the biggest tour company, shows that Hawaii keeps the top for five years and has a deep-rooted popularity. On the other hand, in reflection of current Italy boom, Europe got the second place for the first time since 1969 when this research began.

 

添削

 

The research of honeymoon destinations1 in this fall by JTB, the biggest tour company, shows that Hawaii keeps the top position for five years in a row2 and has a deep-rooted popularity3. On the other hand4, iIn reflection of the current Italyian boom, Europe got gets5 the second place for the first time since 1969 when this research began in 19696.

 

コメント

 

1.       「ハネムーンの行き先」の調査としたほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       for five yearsは「5年の間」ですから、for the last five years, またはfor five years in a rowとすると「この5年の間連続で」という意味になって、日本文に正確になるでしょう。

 

3.       popularityは抽象名詞で、ここでは一般的「深く根ざした人気」と一般的な意味に使っているので冠詞は付きません。

 

4.       日本語には「一方」とありますが、英文ではOn one hand, A. On the other hand, B.と一対にして使います。英文の最初の文にはon one handは入っていませんから(無理に入れると文がおかしくなります)one the other handは余計になります。ということは、日本文では単に「一方」と使うことあり、「一方はなになに」、「他方はなになに」という一対で使う用法は少ない、ということですね。

 

5.       前の文が現在形ですから、ここも現在形にして、文章全体の統一をとるのがよいでしょう。文章全体を過去形にしてもよいです。

 

 

6.       こうすると表現が簡単になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The research of honeymoon destinations this fall by JTB, the biggest tour company, shows that Hawaii keeps the top position for five years in a row and has deep-rooted popularity. In reflection of the current Italian boom, Europe gets the second place for the first time since this research began in 1969.

 

 

読者からの投稿 13(Hanasaki, 15 November 06

 

The surveillance conducted this autumn by JTB, the largest travel agency in Japan, shows that Hawaii has been the most popular destination of honeymoons for the last five years in a row, it maintains the strong popularity. Meanwhile reflecting Italian boom in the past few years, Europe got the second place first time since the beginning of this surveillance in 1969.

 

添削

 

A survey1 The surveillance conducted this autumn by JTB, the largest travel agency in Japan, shows that Hawaii has been the most popular destination of for honeymoons for the last five years in a row, and2 it maintains theits strong popularity among Japanese honeymooners3. Meanwhile, reflecting the Italian boom in the past few years, Europe got becomes4 the second place first time since the beginning of this surveillance survey began5 in 1969.

 

コメント

 

1.       このような調査をa surveyと言います。また、この調査自体は特別なものですが、読者にとっては始めて知るものなので不定冠詞をつけるのが一般的です。

 

2.       andで文をつなげるか、または新しい文にします。コンマだけで二つの文をつなぐのは一般的ではありません。

 

3.       誰に人気があるか読者は推察できますが、添削のような補足を入れると内容がはっきりします。

 

4.       調査の結果は過去のある時点のことなので、調査の結果をすべて過去形で表現することもできます、現在形で統一してもよいでしょう。

 

5.       副詞句で表現するより、添削のように副詞節(文)にしたほうが内容がわかりやすくなります。副詞句のほうが副詞節よりカッコウが良い、と思えるかもしれませんが、そういうことはありません。プレイン・イングリッシュでは読者にわかりやすく書く、が大切です。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey conducted this autumn by JTB, the largest travel agency in Japan, shows that Hawaii has been the most popular destination for honeymoons for the last five years in a row and maintains its strong popularity among Japanese honeymooners. Meanwhile, reflecting the Italian boom in the past few years, Europe becomes the second place first time since this survey began in 1969.

 

 

読者からの投稿 12(岩ちゃん、23 October 06

 

The largest tour agency, JTB researched the places that new couples hoped to visit as a honeymoon this autumn. According to its result, Hawaii took first place for five years in a row and still showed deep-rooted popularity. On the other hand, reflecting Italian booms for the past several years, Europe took second place for the first time since the research had started in 1969.

 

添削

 

The largest tour agency, JTB, researched surveyed the places that newly wed couples1 hoped to visit as for a their honeymoon this autumn. According to its results, Hawaii took first place for five years in a row and still showed deep-rooted popularity. On the other hand, reflecting the Italian booms2 for the past several years, Europe took second place for the first time since the research survey had started in 1969.

 

コメント

 

1.       a newly wed couple新婚のカップル、という表現が良く使われます。They were finally wed last month after dating over five years.「彼等は五年もデートをしていたが、先月ついに結婚した。」They were wed.They got married.と同じ意味です。A couple who are newly weda newly wed coupleと短く表現したものです。

 

2.       「この数年続いている例のイタリアブーム」と言う意味で定冠詞を付けてthe Italian boom for the past several yearsとします。

 

添削後の文章

 

The largest tour agency, JTB, surveyed the places that newly wed couples hoped to visit for  their honeymoon this autumn. According to its results, Hawaii took first place for five years in a row and still showed deep-rooted popularity. On the other hand, reflecting the Italian boom for the past several years, Europe took second place for the first time since the survey had started in 1969.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 11(だっち、22 Aug 06

 

According to the investigation of honeymoons in this autumn by JTB, which is the most major travel agent in Japan, the most popular place has been Hawaii for 5years.Hawaii is firmly popular. On the other hand, Europe is ranked 2nd thanks to the Italy booms in these years. This is the fist event since the investigation started in 1969.

 

添削

 

According to the investigation of honeymoons1 in this autumn2 by JTB, which is the largest most major3 travel agent in Japan, the most popular place destination4 has been Hawaii for 5 the last five years in a row. Hawaii is firmly popular. On the other hand, Europe is ranked 2nd second thanks to the Italy Italian booms in these years. This is was the fist event time Europe became the second5 since the investigation started in 1969.

コメント

 

1.       the investigation of honeymoonsとするとナネムーン関するもろもろの調査、たとえば行き先、滞在日数、費用など、という意味を含むように取れます。単に行き先の調査なら、the survey of honeymoon destinationsがよいでしょう。

 

2.       this autumn, last spring, next yearなどは前置詞を付けないで、副詞句として使います。

 

3.       major versus minorという二分法ですから、the most majorという言い方はしません。

 

4.       destination行き先としたほうがよいでしょう。

 

5.       既に文章に出てきますが、もう一度繰り返して説明すると読者に親切です。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to the investigation of honeymoons this autumn by JTB, which is the largest travel agent in Japan, the most popular destination has been Hawaii for the last five years in a row. Hawaii is firmly popular. On the other hand, Europe is ranked second thanks to the Italian boom in these years. This was the fist time Europe became the second since the investigation started in 1969.

 

 

読者からの投稿 10(吉、11 July 06

 

According to the research about the honeymoon destination in this fall, conducted by  biggest tour company, JTB, Hawaii became the top for the 5 straight years, which shows that Hawaii remains perennial favorite. While reflecting the Italian boom in the last few years, a European country took second place for the first time since the research started in 1969.

 

添削

 

According to the a research survey1 about the honeymoon destinations in this fall2, conducted by  biggest tour company, JTB, the largest travel agency in Japan3, Hawaii became the top for the 5 straight years, which showsing4 that Hawaii remains the perennial favorite of Japanese honeymooners4. While In the meantime5, reflecting the Italian boom in the last few years, a European countryEurope6 took the second place for the first time since the research survey started in 1969.

 

コメント

 

1.       このような標本調査をa surveyといいます。

 

2.       this fall, next spring, last yearなど前置詞無しで副詞句として使います。

 

3.       JTB, the largest travel agency in Japan, ~と会社名そして次にその説明の順序が一般的です。

 

4.       この補足説明をいれるとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

5.       I am doing A while she is doing B.というような使い方がありますが、二つの文をまたいだ同じ様な使い方はありません。同様な意味にはin the meantimeがあります。

 

6.       ヨーロッパとあるのでヨーロッパのいろいろな国が入っているのでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to a survey about honeymoon destinations this fall conducted by JTB, the largest travel agency in Japan, Hawaii became the top for the 5 straight years, showing that Hawaii remains the perennial favorite of Japanese honeymooners. In the meantime, reflecting the Italian boom in the last few years, Europe took the second place for the first time since the survey started in 1969.

 

 

読者からの投稿 9(ピンクのくじら、23 June 06

 

JTB, the biggest tour company in Japan, researched destinations of honeymoon in this autumn. Hawaii has been top for this 5 years, which showed its strong popularity. On the other hand, it was first time for Europe to be second since 1969 when JTB started the research. The result seemed to be reflected by the Italian boom spreading in Japan in  couple of years.

 

添削

 

JTB, the biggest tour company in Japan, researched surveyed1 the destinations of honeymooners2 in this autumn. JTB found that the Hawaii was the most popular destination3. Hawaii has been at the top of the list of destinations4 for this the last 5 years, which showed its strong popularity. On the other hand, it this5 was the first time for Europe to be become second since 1969 when JTB started the research survey. The This result seemed to be reflected by in6 the Italian boom spreading in Japan in the last couple of years.

 

1.       「調査」はサンプル調査でしょうからsurveyedがよいでしょう。

 

2.       destinationsとあるのでhoneymoonersと人にしたほうがよいでしょう。

 

3.       「5年連続でハワイが1位となり」は「5年連続」ということと「一位になる」という二つの内容がくっついています。「ハワイは5年連続でトップの位置にいる。」ならHawaii has been at the top the honeymoon destinations for the last five years.「ハワイが今年はまた一位になった。」ならHawaii became the number one destination for honeymooners.となりますが、上の日本文の意味は「ハワイが一位になった。ハワイがこの五年ずっと一位だった。」の両方が大切なので、添削のようにしました。ところでハワイというのはどこのことでしょうね。ハワイ諸島the Hawaiian islandsの略称でしょうね。現在ではこの略称が一般に使われています。それともハニームーンを過ごすのはHonoluluだけなのでしょうか。

 

4.       topは一番上ということですから、at the top of the list of destinationsとするとよいでしょう。

 

5.       itは少し向こうにあるものの、thisはすぐ近くにあるもの、ですから、ここでは現在話題にしている、という身近なものを指すthisにします。

 

6.       to be reflected in ~という構文ですから、「ハニムーンにヨーロッパに行くことに人気がでて(イタリアのよさがわかり)その結果この二年ほどイタリアブームが起きている、といいう因果関係になります。この因果関係が逆のときにはThis result seemed to reflect the Italian boom spreading in Japan in the last couple of years.になります。文意からするとこちらのようですね。

 

添削後の文章

 

JTB, the biggest tour company in Japan, surveyed the destinations of honeymooners this autumn. JTB found that the Hawaii was the most popular destination. Hawaii has been at the top of the list of destinations for the last 5 years, which showed its strong popularity. On the other hand, this was the first time for Europe to become second since 1969 when JTB started the survey. This result seemed to be reflected in the Italian boom spreading in Japan in the last couple of years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 8(NMK, 13 May 06

 

Going to Hawaii for honeymoon in this fall, showed us Hawaii’s incorrigible popularity by becoming no.1 for sequential five years which reported by research of JTB the biggest travel company. On the other hand, by reflecting Italian boom in these years, the country in Europe took second place for the first time since the beginning of this research in 1969.

 

添削

 

Going to the HawaiiHawaii’s took the first place1 for honeymoon in this fall for five years in a row, showed showing us the Hawaii’s incorrigible strong2 popularity by becoming no.1 for sequential five years which reported by research of according to a survey by JTB, the biggest largest3 travel company agency in Japan. On the other hand4, by rReflecting the Italian boom in these years, the countriesy in Europe took the second place for the first time since the beginning of this research survey5 in 1969.

 

コメント

 

1.       「ハワイ行きがナンバー1になった」というキーセンテンスを文章の初めに明確にするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       incorrigible popularityは「救いがたい、懲りない、やめられない人気」という意味ですが、これでいいですか?ハワイの新婚旅行は値段も安く、秋でも海水浴ができ、ゴルフコースもあり、いろいろな島にも行けて悪くはないとおもうのですが。

 

3.       biggestというと感覚的に「わあー大きい」というようになるので 会社が大きいときはlargestのほうがよいでしょう。

 

4.       On one hand, the Hawaii’s popularity is declining. On the other hand, Europe’s popularity is increasing.のように一対にして内容を対比してつかいます。上の文章では特に対比は無いので使いません。

 

5.       「調査」は surveyがよいでしょう。researchというともっと内容を分析した研究になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Going to the Hawaii’s took the first place for honeymoon this fall for five years in a row, showing us the Hawaii’s strong popularity according to a survey by JTB, the largest travel  agency in Japan. Reflecting the Italian boom in these years, the countries in Europe took the second place for the first time since the beginning of this survey in 1969.

 

 

読者からの投稿 7(バリコ、15 March 06

 

According to the study by the biggest travel agency, JTB, Hawaii has consecutively ranked first for five years as the destination of a honey moon this autumn, which showed its deep-rooted popularity. Meanwhile with reflecting Italian boom for these several years, Europe has ranked second for the first time since the first research in 1969.

 

添削

 

According to the study a survey1 by the biggest travel agency, JTB, Hawaii has consecutively ranked first for five years as the destination of for a honey moon this autumn, which showed its deep-rooted popularity. Meanwhile2, with reflecting the Italian boom for these several years, Europe has ranked second for the first time since the first research survey started in 19693.

 

コメント

 

1.       標本調査のことをa surveyといいます。このような「調査」は多分標本調査でしょう。

 

2.       meanwhileという副詞がこの文に適切で、前の文との関連をよくしていますね。

 

3.       since the first survey in 1969でもよいのですが、文の前半が長いので、since the survey started in 1969と文にすると、前半とのバランスがよくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to a survey by the biggest travel agency, JTB, Hawaii has consecutively ranked first for five years as the destination for a honey moon this autumn, which showed its deep-rooted popularity. Meanwhile, reflecting the Italian boom for these several years, Europe has ranked second for the first time since the survey started in 1969.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(tange, 8 February 06

 

Hawaii remains of the popular place in this autumn firmly. According to the research of JTB, which was the largest travel agency in Japan, Hawaii became top of the list of honeymoon destinations for five years in a row. On the other hand, reflecting Italian boom in recent years in Japan, Europe won the second place for the first time since the research begun in 1969.

 

添削

 

Hawaii remains of the popular place in this autumn firmly.1 According to the research survey2 by of JTB, which was the largest travel agency in Japan, Hawaii became remained at the top of the list of honeymoon destinations for five years in a row. On the other hand,3 rReflecting the Italian boom in recent years in Japan, Europe won the second place for the first time since the research survey begun in 1969.

 

コメント

 

1.       この文は次の文と内容が重複していますね。もし、これをキーセンテンスとして文章の始めに置くのなら、Hawaii remain the most popular place for Japanese honeymooners this fall.とハネムーンを入れたほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       世論調査のような標本調査はa surveyといいます。researchはもう少し広い意味の研究活動を言います。

 

3.       On one hand A, but on the other hand B.ABと相反することを言うときに使います。ここでは、相反してはいないことを記述が続くので、Oh the other handで文を始めることは出来ません。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to the survey by JTB, which was the largest travel agency in Japan, Hawaii remained at the top of the list of honeymoon destinations for five years in a row. Reflecting the Italian boom in recent years in Japan, Europe won the second place for the first time since the survey begun in 1969.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(moppy, 25 November 05

 

According to the survey by JTB, the biggest Japanese travel agency, the most popular destination of honeymoon in this fall was Hawaii also the position has been not changing for the last five years. It shows us that it is really big.

 

On the other hand, Italy popularity of the recent years gave Europe the position of the second popular honeymoon destination following Hawaii. It is first time since survey of 1969.

 

添削

 

According to the survey by JTB, the biggest largest1 Japanese travel agency, the most popular destination of for honeymoon in this fall2 was Hawaii and3 also the its position has not been not changinged4 for the last five years. It shows us that it Hawaii 5is really big for Japanese honeymooners.

 

On the other hand, Italy’s popularity of in the recent years gave Europe the position of the second popular honeymoon destination following Hawaii6. This was the It is  first time Europe took the second place since the survey of in 19697.

 

コメント

 

1.       bigは「ああ大きいな」といった感情の入った言葉なので、会社の形容には客観的に大きいというlargeがよいでしょう。

 

2.       this fall, this summer, last summerのように前置詞無しで副詞と使うのが普通です。

 

3.       ここから新しい文が続くので接続詞andが必要です。

 

4.       現在まで変わっていない、にはhas not changedがよいでしょう。has not been changingとすると、いつも動いている状態のものが続いているという意味になります。

 

5.       代名詞は何を指すかわかりにくいときもあるので、短い文のかなでも元の名詞を繰り返して使うのがよいです。

 

6.       Italy’s popularity gave Europe the second position.というのは簡潔な表現でよいですね。

 

7.       日本文のこの部分は「2位には1969年の調査開始以来初めて入った。」ですが、この部分を独立の英文にすると添削のように補足説明が必要です。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to the survey by JTB, the largest Japanese travel agency, the most popular destination for honeymoon this fall was Hawaii and its position has not changed for the last five years. It shows us that Hawaii is really big for Japanese honeymooners.

 

On the other hand, Italy’s popularity in the recent years gave Europe the position of the second popular honeymoon destination. This was the first time Europe took the second place since the survey in 1969.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 30 July 05

 

According to honey moon destination survey in this fall done by largest travel agency, JTB , Hawaii got No.1 for 5 consecutive years and showed its deep-rooted popularity. On the other hand, reflected by lately Italian boom, Europe ranked second best for the first time since the survey has started.

 

添削

 

According to a honey moon destination survey in this fall done by Japan’s largest travel agency, JTB , ,this fall, Hawaii got the No.1 spot for 5 five1 consecutive years and showed its deep-rooted popularity. On the other hand, reflecteding2 by –the current lately Italian boom, Europe ranked the second best for the first time since the survey has had3 started.

コメント

 

1.       文の中の数の表現は、大きな数字や数字がたくさん出てくる場合のほかは、数字ではなくて英単語で表現したほうが読みやすくなります。

 

2.       reflectingの隠れた主語はEuropeEurope reflects the current Italian boom. となります。受身形を使うなら、being helped by the current Italian boom, Europe ranked ~.というようになります。

 

3.       Europe ranked ~より時制が一つ前になるのでthe survey had startedとなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to a honey moon destination survey by Japan’s largest travel agency, JTB, this fall, Hawaii got the No.1 spot for five consecutive years and showed its deep-rooted popularity. On the other hand, reflecting the current Italian boom, Europe ranked the second best for the first time since the survey had started.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(マウント60、21 June 04

 

A survey compiled by JTB, the biggest travel agency, of honeymoon destinations for this coming fall revealed that Hawaii has been ranked first for the fifth consecutive year, showing that it is as popular as ever. Meanwhile, Europe has been ranked second for the first time since the start of the survey in 1969, reflecting the Italian boom over the past several years.

 

添削

 

A survey compiled by JTB, the biggest largest  travel agency in Japan, of honeymoon destinations for this coming fall revealed that Hawaii has been ranked1 first for the fifth consecutive year, showing that it is as popular as ever. Meanwhile, Europe has been ranked1 second for the first time since the start of the survey in 1969, reflecting the Italian boom over the past several years.

 

簡潔でわかり易い英文で日本文の内容を表現しています。投稿のままで添削するところはありませんが、少し細かいところをコメントします。Hawaii has been ranked first (by Japanese honeymooners).と受動態になっています。文章の前半が、A survey of honeymoon destinations となっているので、honeymoonersは文の後ろに隠れています。ですから、受動態ではなく能動態でHawaii has ranked first.とすると、文の前半と整合性が強くなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

A survey compiled by JTB, the largest travel agency in Japan, of honeymoon destinations for this coming fall revealed that Hawaii has ranked first for the fifth consecutive year, showing that it is as popular as ever. Meanwhile, Europe has ranked second for the first time since the start of the survey in 1969, reflecting the Italian boom over the past several years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(tonton, 31 Jan 03

 

Hawaii is the number one popular destination for honeymoon according to the investigation result this fall by JTB, the Japanese biggest travel agency. Hawaii has maintained the top place for the last five years, and the result shows its firmly-rooted popularity. Meanwhile, Europe came to the second place for the first time since JTB started the investigation in 1969. Italy boom over last few years is reflected.

 

添削

 

Hawaii is was the number one popular destination for honeymoons this fall according to the investigation survey results1 by JTB, the Japanese Japan’s biggest travel agency2. Hawaii has maintained the top place for the last five years, and the results shows its  it is  firmly- rooted in popularity3. Meanwhile, Europe came to the  was second place4 for the first time since JTB started the investigation survey in 1969. This result reflects the Italy Italian boom over last few years. is reflected5.

 

コメント

 

1.       新聞記事などによく「〜の調査によると」という表現がありますが、これを英語で、according to survey results by by~というように表現できます。このときにresultsと複数になっていることに注意してください。単数と複数の区別にうるさい英語では「調査でいろいろな複数の事実が判明して、そのひとつが次のことである」と理屈っぽくなります。

 

2.       Japan’s biggest travel agency (日本で最大の旅行業者)

The biggest travel agency in Japan(日本で最大の旅行業者)

A big Japanese travel agency(大きな、日本の旅行業者)

The biggest Japanese travel agency(最大の日本の旅行業者、どこで最大?)

 

上の例のようにthe biggestは、何かと比較して一番大きい、いうことなのでこの比較の対象、範囲が必要です。「日本において」という比較の範囲を示すためには最初の2例のように表現します。Japanese travel agencyは「日本人による会社」の意味になります。上の第4例は比較の範囲がはっきりしません。

The Japanese biggest travel agencyも「日本人による、一番大きな旅行業者」という意味に取れますが、やはり比較の範囲がはっきりしません。

 

3.       Its firmly-rooted popularityは簡略で良い表現だとおもいますが、この文ではandの前の部分が長いので、それとバランスを取るようにit is firmly rooted in popularityとしました。

 

4.       tontonさんのオリジナルでも良いのですが、Hawaii was the number one~の文型に対応するようにEurope was second~としました。

 

5.       The Italian boom over last few years was reflected on the rising popularity of Europe.とするか、添削例のようにすると、前の文とのつながりがよくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Hawaii was the number one popular destination for honeymoons this fall according to survey results by JTB, Japan’s biggest travel agency. Hawaii has maintained the top place for the last five years, and the results show it is firmly rooted in popularity. Meanwhile, Europe was second for the first time since JTB started the survey in 1969. This result reflects the Italian boom over last few years.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(えり、22 Nov 02

 

JTB, the largest travel agency in Japan, says that according to its survey Hawaii has remained the most popular destination for honeymoon for five years in a row. Europe has become the second popular destination for the first time since the survey started in 1969. This reflects the Italian boom in Japan over the last few years.

 

添削

 

According to their own survey,1 JTB, the largest travel agency in Japan, says that according to its survey- Hawaii has remained2 the most popular honeymoon destination for honeymoon five years in a row. Europe has become the second most popular destination for the first time since the survey started in 1969. This reflects the an Italian boom in Japan over the last few years3.

 

コメント

 

1.       According to their own surveyを文の始めに置いたほうが原文の位置より良いと思います。原文の位置ですと読者はJTB says thatの次に何を言ったのか期待しますが、そこにaccording to its surveyとあると文の内容の理解が一瞬途切れます。

 

2.       えりさんの投稿例は日本文の内容を良く整理して英文で表現してあります。「5年連続でハワイが1位となり」をHawaii has become the most popular honeymoon destination for five years in a rowとしないでbecomeの変わりにremainで表現してあるのはremainの意味を良く使ってあって良いと思います。

 

3.       日本文は「ここ数年のイタリアブームを映して、2位には1969年の調査開始以来初めて、ヨーロッパが入った。」と「ここ数年のイタリアブームを映して、」という修飾節が文の始めにきます。このような修飾節をReflecting an Italian boom in Japan over the last few years,と英文の始めに修飾節として表現するより、えりさんのように「ヨーロッパが2位になった」と言う文の後に独立の文にして表現するほうが文章全体の流れが良くなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

According to their own survey, JTB, the largest travel agency in Japan, says that Hawaii has remained the most popular honeymoon destination for five years in a row. Europe has become the second most popular destination for the first time since the survey started in 1969. This reflects an Italian boom in Japan over the last few years.