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上級練習問題の添削 16-20

 

練習問題 16 「秋の黄砂(12 Jan 03) (2 May 08) (13 Mar 16)

 

練習問題 17「大坂湾の灯台の撤去」(12 Jan 03) (9 May 08) (13 Mar 16)

 

練習問題 18「フランス国立UFO研究所継続の危機」(13 Jan 03) (11 May 08) (29 July 16)

 

練習問題 19 「アルゼンチンで自動車代金の支払いに穀物」(17 Dec 02) (14 May 08)

(22 Aug 16)

 

練習問題 20 「日本の若者の読書離れ」(12 Jan 03) (15 May 08) (22 Aug 16)

 

練習問題 16 「秋の黄砂」

 

最近、日本で六年ぶりの「秋の黄砂」が確認された。黄砂とは中国北部やモンゴル地域で普通は春ごろ発生する砂嵐現象。季節風にのって韓国や日本にも飛来する。しかし、季節はずれの自然現象、と風流がってはいられない。背景には、中国北西部の砂漠化や気候変動など環境問題があるという。また、黄砂が大気汚染物質を運搬し、生態系に影響を与える可能性も指摘されているのだ。

 

読者からの投稿 3(Lucca, 13 March 16

 

"The Yellow Sand Coming to Japan in Autumn

 

The yellow sand was observed in autumn for the first time in six years while it usually comes in spring. The yellow sand which occurs in northern China and Mongol is brought by spring wind to South Korea and Japan.

 

You can not just enjoy it as a rare phenomenon out of season. The reason of the anomaly is believed to be the desertification in northwestern China and the climate change. Also the yellow sand is likely to threaten the ecosystem of Japan as it brings air pollutants from China with it.

 

添削

 

"The Yellow Sand Coming to Japan in Autumn

 

Recently1, Tthe yellow sand was observed in autumn for the first time in autumn in six years. while it It2 usually comes in spring. The yellow sand which occurs in northern China and Mongol is brought by spring wind to South Korea and Japan by the seasonal wind in spring.

 

You can not just enjoy it the yellow sand in autumn3 as a rare phenomenon out of season. The reason of this the anomaly is believed to be caused by the desertification in northwestern China and the climate change. Also tThe yellow sand is likely to threaten the ecosystem of Japan as it brings air pollutants from China with it.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       これを入れると話が具体的になります。

 

2.       新しい文にして、一呼吸入れると印象が強くなります。

3.       Itの内容を繰り返すと読者に親切です。

 

添削後の文章

 

"The Yellow Sand Coming to Japan in Autumn

 

Recently, the yellow sand was observed for the first time in autumn in six years. It usually comes in spring. The yellow sand which occurs in northern China and Mongol is brought to South Korea and Japan by the seasonal wind in spring.

 

You can not just enjoy the yellow sand in autumn as a rare phenomenon out of season. The reason of this anomaly is believed to be caused by the desertification in northwestern China and the climate change. The yellow sand is likely to threaten the ecosystem of Japan as it brings air pollutants from China .

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 2 May 08

 

"Yellow Dust Reaches Japan in Autumn"

 

This autumn, yellow dust was observed in Japan for the first time in six years. Yellow dust rises in the deserts in northern China and Mongolia and is driven by prevailing westerly winds to Korea and Japan, mostly in spring.

 

This unseasonable yellow dust is understood to be the results of environmental problems such as changing climate and desertification in northwestern China. Now, it has been pointed out that sand dust carries air pollutant and damages the ecosystem.

 

添削

 

"Yellow Dust Reaches Japan in Autumn"

 

This autumn, yYellow dust was observed in Japan for the first time in six years. Yellow dust rises in the deserts in northern China and Mongolia and is driven by prevailing westerly winds to Korea and Japan, mostly in spring.

 

This unseasonable yYellow dust is understood to be the results of environmental problems such as the changing climate and desertification in northwestern China. Now, it has been pointed out that sand Yellow dust carries air pollutants and damages the ecosystem.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。日本文の内容を適切にまとめていますね。黄砂はYellow dust, Yellow sand, Yellow wind, China dustなどと呼ばれていて、まだ定着した英語表現がないようです。「季節はずれの自然現象、と風流がってはいられない」はどういう内容なのかよくわかりません(わからないものを練習問題に入れて恐縮です)。その昔、黄砂が珍しくまた汚染物質を運んで来なかったときに春の珍現象として面白く思っていたときがあったのでしょうか。それが秋にも起きたので、ますます面白い、という感覚なのでしょう。We can no longer appreciate this unseasonable Yellow sand as a rare natural phenomenon because nowadays it carries a lot of air pollutants to Japan.といったような説明をすることもできるでしょうが、長くなるのでKaloさんのように省略するほうがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Yellow Dust Reaches Japan in Autumn"

 

This autumn, Yellow dust was observed in Japan for the first time in six years. Yellow dust rises in the deserts in northern China and Mongolia and is driven by prevailing westerly winds to Korea and Japan, mostly in spring.

 

This unseasonable Yellow dust is understood to be the results of environmental problems such as the changing climate and desertification in northwestern China. Now, it has been pointed out that Yellow dust carries air pollutants and damages the ecosystem.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(研修生、12 Jan 03

 

“The Yellow Wind in the Autumn”

 

The Yellow Wind was observed recently in Japan for the first time in six years in the autumn. The Yellow Wind is a sand storm which usually takes place in the spring in northern China and Mongol. The sands blown into the air are carried by the seasonal wind and reach South Korea and Japan. We cannot simply appreciate the Yellow Wind in the autumn as a rare natural phenomenon. This out-of-season Yellow Wind is a result of the environmental change such as desertification and climatic change in northwestern China. The Yellow Wind carries air pollutants and may adversely affect the ecological system in Japan.

 

添削

 

“The Yellow Wind in the Autumn”

 

For the first time in six years1, Tthe Yellow Wind was observed recently in Japan this autumn. for the first time in six years in autumn. The Yellow Wind is a sand storm which usually takes place in the spring in northern China and Mongol. The sands blows blown into the air are and is carried by the a seasonal wind and reach to South Korea and Japan. We cannot simply appreciate2 tThe Yellow Wind in the autumn as is a rare natural phenomenon. But Tthis out-of-season Yellow Wind is a result of the environmental changes such as desertification and climatic change in northwestern China. The Yellow Wind carries air pollutants and may adversely affect the ecological system in Japan Japan’s ecological system3.

 

コメント

 

この日本文は季節の話題と時事問題をを組み合わせたエッセイです。このタイプの文章は良く新聞のコラムで見かけますが、内容が凝縮されていて、英文で表現しようとするとなかなか難しいものです。先ずは内容をを解きほぐさなくてはなりません。研修生さんは日本文をうまく次のように解きほぐしています。

 

「最近、日本で六年ぶりに初めて黄砂がこの秋に確認された。」

「黄砂とは中国北部やモンゴル地域で普通は春ごろ発生する砂嵐である。」

「大気中に吹き上げられた砂が季節風に運ばれて韓国や日本に到着する。」

「秋の黄砂は珍しい自然現象だと単純に喜んでいられない。」

「この季節はずれの黄砂は中国北西部の砂漠化や気候変動などの環境変化の結果の一つである。

「黄砂は大気汚染物質を運搬して、日本の生態系に悪影響を及ぼすかもしれない。」

 

1.       「最近、日本で六年ぶりに初めて黄砂がこの秋に確認された」は、短い文に「最近」、「6年ぶりに初めて」、「秋に」、と時間を表す言葉がたくさんあって、英語で表現するときに混乱しないようにする必要があります。文の基本は「黄砂が日本でこの秋に観察された」The Yellow Wind was observed in Japan this autumn.です。この基本が混乱なく読者に伝わるように「最近」、「6年ぶりに初めて」を文に入れます。For the first time in six years, the Yellow Wind was observed recently in Japan this autumn.

 

2.       「しかし、季節はずれの自然現象、と風流がってはいられない。」は黄砂がなぜ日本人に風流に思えるのかと説明すると長くなるので、単に「秋の黄砂は珍しい自然現象だ。」としました。

 

3.       the ecological system in JapanJapan’s ecological systemとすると簡略になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“The Yellow Wind in the Autumn”

 

For the first time in six years, the Yellow Wind was observed recently in Japan this autumn. The Yellow Wind is a sand storm which usually takes place in the spring in northern China and Mongol. The sand blows into the air and is carried by a seasonal wind to South Korea and Japan. The Yellow Wind in the autumn is a rare natural phenomenon. But this out-of-season Yellow Wind is a result of the environmental changes such as desertification and climatic change in northwestern China. The Yellow Wind carries air pollutants and may adversely affect Japan’s ecological system.

 

 

練習問題 17「大坂湾の灯台の撤去」

 

大阪港に沈む夕日が一年で最も美しい季節が近づき、天保山ハーバービレッジ(大阪市港区)のサンセット広場には、プロやアマのカメラマンの姿が日増しに増えている。しかし今年は、構図の背景になっていた灯台の一つが一時的に撤去されるため、「面白い写真が撮れないのでは」と懸念する声が続出。一年に何度もないシャッターチャンスだけに、カメラマンをがっかりさせている。

 

読者からの投稿 3(Lucca, 13 March 16

 

" A Lighthouse at the Port of Osaka is Removed Temporarily" 

 

Soon you will be able to enjoy the best season to admire the most beautiful sunset at the Port of Osaka. More and more photographers, both professional and private, are gathering at Sunset Square at Tenpozan Harbor Village to seize the best moment of the sunset.

 

Unfortunately one of the lighthouses at the port will be removed temporarily during this period. The photographers are disappointed because they may not be able to take artistic photos featuring the lighthouses and sunset at the port.

 

添削

 

" A Lighthouse at the Port of Osaka is Removed Temporarily" 

 

Soon you will be able to enjoy the best season to admire the most beautiful sunset at the Port of Osaka. More and more photographers, both professional and private non-professional1, are gathering at Sunset Square at Tenpozan Harbor Village to capture seize the best moment of the sunset.

 

Unfortunately, one of the lighthouses at the port will be removed temporarily during this period. The photographers will be are disappointed because they may not be able to take artistic photos featuring all2 the lighthouses and sunset together at the port.

 

コメント 

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       「プロやアマのカメラマン」のアマをどう表現するか、難しいですね。Amateurish とすると技術が未熟ということになり(実際はそうでしょうが)、仕事として写真を撮る、という意味が薄くなります。ここでは、professional and non-professional と対比すると良いでしょう。

 

2.       「灯台の一つ」が無くなるだけで、他の灯台はあるが、写真としての構図が悪くなる、というようなことでしょうから、ここにall ~togetherを入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

" A Lighthouse at the Port of Osaka is Removed Temporarily" 

 

Soon you will be able to enjoy the best season to admire the most beautiful sunset at the Port of Osaka. More and more photographers, both professional and non-professional, are gathering at Sunset Square at Tenpozan Harbor Village to capture the best moment of the sunset.

 

Unfortunately, one of the lighthouses at the port will be removed temporarily during this period. The photographers will be disappointed because they may not be able to take artistic photos featuring all the lighthouses and sunset together at the port.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 9 May 08

 

"Lighthouse at Osaka Port will be Removed"

 

During this time of the year, you can enjoy a beautiful sunset view as the sun sets in Osaka Port. To ensure the best photo opportunities, more and more pro and amateur photographers are coming to the Sunset Square at Tempozan Harbor Village, Minato Ward, Osaka.

 

This year, however, the lighthouse at the port will be removed temporarily. Many of these photographers are disappointed at it, saying that they are concerned about whether they can take interesting photographs of the sunset view without the lighthouse.

 

添削

 

"Lighthouse at Osaka Port will be Temporarily Removed"

 

During this time of the year, you can enjoy a beautiful sunset view of the sunset as the sun sets in at Osaka Port. To ensure the best photo opportunities, more and more pro and amateur photographers are coming to the Sunset Square at Tempozan Harbor Village, Minato Ward, Osaka.

 

This year, however, the lighthouse at the port will be removed temporarily. Many of these photographers are disappointed because at it, saying that they are concerned about whether they can no longer take interesting photographs of the sunset view without the lighthouse as one of focal points.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。最期の文は日本文の内容を取ってわかりやすくしてみました。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Lighthouse at Osaka Port will be Temporarily Removed"

 

During this time of the year, you can enjoy a beautiful view of the sunset at Osaka Port. To ensure the best photo opportunities, more and more pro and amateur photographers are coming to Sunset Square at Tempozan Harbor Village, Minato Ward, Osaka.

 

This year, however, the lighthouse at the port will be removed temporarily. Many of these photographers are disappointed because  they can no longer take interesting photographs of the sunset with the lighthouse as one of focal points.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(リンギスト、12 Jan 03

 

“Removing a Lighthouse at the Osaka Bay”

 

As the best season for taking an photograph of the sunset at Port Osaka approaches, more and more professional and amateur photographers are gathering at the Sunset Square of Tenpozan Harbor Village every day. But they are concerned that they may not be able to take good photographs this year. This is because a lighthouse at the harbor will be temporarily removed and will not be available as an interesting object in the photographs. Photographers are disappointed that this year they are going to miss the rare chance of taking good pictures of the sunset with the lighthouse in the background.

 

添削

 

“Removing a the Lighthouse at the Osaka Bay”

 

As - tThe best season for taking an photograph of the sunset at Port Osaka is approachesing.1, mMore and more professional and amateur photographers are gathering  gather at the Sunset Square of Tenpozan Harbor Village every day. But they are concerned that they may not be able to take good photographs this year. This is because a  the lighthouse at the harbor will be temporarily removed and will not be available as an interesting object in the photographs2. [Photographers are disappointed that this year they are going to will miss the rare chance of taking to take good pictures of the sunset with the lighthouse in the background.]

 

コメント

 

日本文は長い文で構成された文章ですが、英文の表現ではなるべく短い文の方が内容がわかりやすくなります。ここでは二つの文に分けました。

 

最後の「一年に何度もないシャッターチャンスだけに、カメラマンをがっかりさせている。」は内容が前の文と重複しているので英文では無くても良いと思います。日本文の2番目の文以降の内容は次のように簡略に表現することも出来ます。

 

However, this year the lighthouse at the harbor will be temporarily removed and there is a concern that the photographs will not be as interesting as before.

 

添削後の文章

 

The best season for taking a photograph of the sunset at Port Osaka is approaching. More and more professional and amateur photographers gather at Sunset Square of Tenpozan Harbor Village every day. However, this year the lighthouse at the harbor will be temporarily removed and there is a concern that the photographs will not be as interesting as before.

 

 

練習問題 18「フランス国立UFO研究所継続の危機

 

国立機関としては世界でも珍しく、未確認飛行物体(UFO)の研究をしているフランスの研究機関が閉鎖の危機に直面している。

 

この研究機関は一九七七年に設立された「未確認宇宙現象研究機関」が前身で、現在では国立宇宙研究センターの下部機関。警察に寄せられた情報や、民間・軍用機からの情報を収集して調査する。これまでに六千件以上の情報が寄せられたが、説明のつかないものは「4−5%」あるという。

 

しかし、同センターに対する政府予算減額のあおりがこの研究機関にも波及。研究員の数も予算も減らされ、今ではたった一人が担当するだけ。「大切な金をUFO研究に費やしてもいいのか」などと同センター内部からもこの研究機関の不要論が持ち上がっている。

 

読者からの投稿 3(Lucca, 29 July 16

 

"The French National Research Institute for UFO is Now Facing a Risk of Closure"

 

The French national research institute, which has been conducting researches on UFOs, is now facing a serious risk of closure.

 

The origin of this institute was the Research Institute for Unidentified Astronomical Phenomena which was established in 1977. Later, the Institute was integrated into the National Center for Space Research as one of its divisions. It has carried out investigations based on the information on UFOs collected by the police, and military and civilian airplanes. More than 6,000 pieces of information on UFOs have been brought to the attention of the Institute, and 4 to 5 percent of them remain unexplainable.

 

However, the budget cut of the National Center for Space Research has given negative impacts to the Institute. It was obliged to reduce its staff and budget, and there remains only one staff working at the Institute. Even the staff of the National Center question the raison d’etre of the Institute, by saying ”Do we really need to spend scarce resource for the research on UFOs?”

 

添削

 

"The French National Research Institute for UFO is Now Facing a Risk of Closure"

 

The French national research institute, which has been conducting researches on UFOs, is now facing a serious risk of closure.

 

The origin of this institute was the Research Institute for Unidentified Astronomical Phenomena which was established in 1977. Later, the Institute was integrated into the National Center for Space Research as one of its divisions. It has carried out investigations into based on the information on UFOs collected by the police, and military and civilian airplanes. More than 6,000 pieces of information on UFOs have been brought to the attention of the Institute, and 4 to 5 percent of them remain unexplainableed yet.

 

However, the budget cut of the National Center for Space Research has given negative impacts to the Institute. It was obliged to reduce its staff and budget, and there remains only one staff member working at the Institute. Even the staff of the National Center question the raison d’etre of the Institute, by saying ”Do we really need to spend scarce resource for on the research on UFOs?”

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。しっかりと構成された文章です。

 

コメント

 

1.       次の文のthe staff (plural)と区別するために、スタッフに一人(単数)であることをはっきりすると良いでしょう。

 

 

添削後の文章

 

"The French National Research Institute for UFO is Now Facing a Risk of Closure"

 

The French national research institute, which has been conducting researches on UFOs, is now facing a serious risk of closure.

 

The origin of this institute was the Research Institute for Unidentified Astronomical Phenomena which was established in 1977. Later, the Institute was integrated into the National Center for Space Research as one of its divisions. It has carried out investigations into  the information on UFOs collected by the police, and military and civilian airplanes. More than 6,000 pieces of information on UFOs have been brought to the attention of the Institute, and 4 to 5 percent of them remain unexplained yet.

 

However, the budget cut of the National Center for Space Research has given negative impacts to the Institute. It was obliged to reduce its staff and budget, and there remains only one staff member working at the Institute. Even the staff of the National Center question the raison d’etre of the Institute, by saying ”Do we really need to spend scarce resource on the research on UFOs?”

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 11 May 08

 

"French Research Institute for the Study of UFOs is on the Verge of Closure"

 

A French research institute for the study of UFOs is now on the verge of closure due to financial difficulties. The Institute, one of the exceptional national institutes in the world, was established as the Research Institute for Unidentified Aerospace Phenomenon in 1977. Today, it is operated under French National Space Agency.

 

The Institute collects and analyzes UFO eyewitness reports from police departments and civilian and military air control authorities. These reports have amounted to more than 6,000 cases up until now, with 4 to 5 percent of them scientifically unexplainable.

 

Spending cuts for French National Space Agency, however, has spread to the Institution and reduced the number of its researchers to only one. Some officials in the Agency even question the need for the Institute, saying that it shouldn't be allowed to allocate the limited budget to the study of UFOs.

 

添削

 

"French Research Institute for the Study of UFOs is on the Verge of Closure"

 

A French research institute for the study of UFOs is now on the verge of closure due to financial difficulties. The Institute, one of the exceptional national institutes in the world, was established as the Research Institute for Unidentified Aerospace Phenomenona in 1977. Today, it is part of operated under the French National Space Agency.

 

The Institute collects and analyzes UFO eyewitness reports from police departments and civilian and military air control authorities. These reports have amounted to more than 6,000 cases up until now, with 4 to 5 percent of them scientifically unexplainable.

 

Cutting spending on Spending cuts for the French National Space Agency, however, has spread affected to the Institutione and reduced the number of its researchers to only one. Even Ssome officials in the Agency even question the need for the Institute, saying that it shouldn't be allowed to allocate the limited budget should not be allocated to the study of UFOs.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

"French Research Institute for the Study of UFOs is on the Verge of Closure"

 

A French research institute for the study of UFOs is now on the verge of closure due to financial difficulties. The Institute, one of the exceptional national institutes in the world, was established as the Research Institute for Unidentified Aerospace Phenomena in 1977. Today, it is part of the French National Space Agency.

 

The Institute collects and analyzes UFO eyewitness reports from police departments and civilian and military air control authorities. These reports have amounted to more than 6,000 cases with 4 to 5 percent of them scientifically unexplainable.

 

Cutting spending on the French National Space Agency, however, has affected the Institute and reduced the number of its researchers to only one. Even some officials in the Agency  question the need for the Institute, saying that the limited budget should not be allocated to the study of UFOs.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(ハリー、13 Jan 03

 

“The French National Institute for UFO Research on the Brink of Closure”

 

A French national research institute for unidentified flying objects (UFOs) is on the brink of closure. This is one of the very few national institutes for such research in the world. This research institute was established in 1977 as the Research Institute for Unidentified Space Phenomena. Now it is part of the National Center for Space Research and is engaged in collecting and analyzing information on UFOs from the police and military and civilian airplanes. So far the institute collected more than 6,000 cases of UFO observations, of which 4 to 5 percent cannot be logically explained.

 

As a result of the budget cut of the Center as a whole, the institute must reduce its staff and budget too. Now the institute is composed of just one staff. Yet the institute still comes under criticism even from other staff in the Center if the Center spend its limited research budgets on the research of UFOs.

 

添削

 

“The French National Institute for UFO Research on the Brink of Closure”

 

A French national research institute for unidentified flying objects (UFOs) is on the brink of closure. This is one of the very few national institutes for such research in the world. This research institute It was established in 1977 as the Research Institute for Unidentified Space Phenomena. Now it is part of the National Center for Space Research and is engaged in collecting and analyzing information on UFOs from the police, and military and civilian airplanes. So far the institute has collected more than 6,000 cases of UFO observations, of which 4 to 5 percent cannot be logically explained.

 

As a result of the budget cuts of to the Center as a whole, the iInstitute must reduce its staff and budget too. Now there is only one staff member left at 1the iInstitute is composed of just one staff. Yet  but the institute it still comes under criticism even from other staff members in the Center if the Center should spend its limited research budgets on the research of UFOs2.

 

コメント

 

Now the Institute is composed of just one staff.よりNow there is only one staff member left at the Institute.としたほうが表現に動きがあって良いと思います。

 

この文章ではUFO研究機関(the Institute)と国立宇宙研究センター(the Center)の関係をはっきりとさせることが大切です。ハリーさんはthe budget cuts to the Center as a whole, from other staff members in the Centerなどとこの区別をはっきりさせるための工夫をしています。

 

添削後の文章

 

“The French National Institute for UFO Research on the Brink of Closure”

 

A French national research institute for unidentified flying objects (UFOs) is on the brink of closure. This is one of very few national institutes for such research in the world. It was established in 1977 as the Research Institute for Unidentified Space Phenomena. Now it is part of the National Center for Space Research and is engaged in collecting and analyzing information on UFOs from the police, and military and civilian airplanes. So far the institute has collected more than 6,000 cases of UFO observations, of which 4 to 5 percent cannot be logically explained.

 

As a result of budget cuts to the Center as a whole, the Institute must reduce its staff and budget. Now there is only one staff member left at the Institute but it still comes under criticism even from other staff members in the Center if the Center should spend its limited research budget on the research of UFOs.

 

練習問題 19「アルゼンチンで自動車代金の支払いに穀物」

 

自動車代金の支払いは穀物でどうぞ−。

 

ドイツ自動車大手ダイムラークライスラーは二十日、経済危機のアルゼンチンで「穀物払い」による自動車販売計画を発表した。 急落した通貨ペソに代わり穀物が商取引の決済手段となりつつあることに注目した販売促進策。顧客は収穫済みの穀物と引き換えにベンツ、クライスラーなどの車を手に入れる ことができる。ダイムラー側は集まった穀物を市場価格で農産品輸出業者に売却する。 

 

読者からの投稿 3(LUCCA, 22 August 16

 

"Customers in Argentina Can Pay Grains to Buy a Car"

 

Daimler-Chrysler, a large automobile company in Germany, proposed a new payment modality that would enable customers in Argentina to pay grains to buy a Mercedes-Benz, a Chrysler among others. As Argentina is now facing an economic crisis and suffering the collapsing peso, the company is trying to secure the market by introducing the new method. The company is going to sell these grains to exporters of agricultural products at market prices.

 

添削

 

"Customers in Argentina Can Pay Grains to Buy a Car"

 

Daimler-Chrysler, a large automobile company in Germany, proposed a new payment modality method that would enable customers in Argentina to pay grains to buy a car such as a Mercedes-Benz, a Chrysler among others. As Argentina is now going through facing an economic crisis and suffering the collapsing peso, the company is trying to secure the market by introducing the new method. The company is going to sell these grains to exporters of agricultural products at market prices.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       後で文中に出てくるthe new methodと同じにするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Customers in Argentina Can Pay Grains to Buy a Car"

 

Daimler-Chrysler, a large automobile company in Germany, proposed a new payment method that would enable customers in Argentina to pay grains to buy a car such as a Mercedes-Benz, Chrysler among others. As Argentina is now going through an economic crisis and suffering the collapsing peso, the company is trying to secure the market by introducing the new method. The company is going to sell these grains to exporters of agricultural products at market prices.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 14 May 08

 

"Grains will be Available When Purchasing Cars in Argentine"

 

On 20th of this month, Daimler Chrysler, a major automaker in Germany, announced a unique sales promotion in Argentine to allow customers to purchase its cars with grains.

 

Argentine is currently facing an economic crisis, so the company has devised the sales promotion to use grains as means of settlement, instead of the plunging Argentine Peso. Customers can purchase Daimler Chrysler's cars such as a Mercedes and a Chrysler with harvested grains. The company plans to sell the grains to agricultural exporters at market value.   

 

添削

 

"Grains Can will be Available When Purchasinge Cars in Argentine"

 

On 20th of this month, Daimler Chrysler, a major automaker in Germany, announced a unique sales promotion plan in Argentine to allow customers to purchase its cars with grains.

 

Argentine is currently facing an economic crisis, so the company has devised the a1 sales promotion plan to use grains as means of settlement payment, instead of the plunging Argentine Peso. Customers can purchase Daimler Chrysler's cars such as a Mercedes and a Chrysler with harvested grains. The company plans to sell the grains to agricultural exporters at market value prices.   

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       前のキーセンテンスにa unique sales promotion planと既出ですが、ここ文でもう一度このプランの説明をしているので、ここもa sales promotion planとするのがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Grains Can  Purchase Cars in Argentine"

 

On 20th of this month, Daimler Chrysler, a major automaker in Germany, announced a unique sales promotion plan in Argentine to allow customers to purchase its cars with grains.

 

Argentine is currently facing an economic crisis, so the company has devised a sales promotion plan to use grains as means of payment instead of the plunging Argentine Peso. Customers can purchase Daimler Chrysler's cars such as a Mercedes and a Chrysler with harvested grains. The company plans to sell the grains to agricultural exporters at market prices.   

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Hana, 17 Dec 02)

 

" Could pay for car with grains in lieu of cash"

 

 "Pay grains for your car!" Daimler Chrysler, which is the large Germany automotive manufacturer, announced the "Grain Payment Plan" in economic crisis in Argentina The company aims to expand the sales in the trend of grain settlements, often more welcome than the collapsing peso. In the plan,  Customers are allowed to use grain to buy Mercedes-Benz, Chrysler, and so on. After grain settlements, Daimler sells them to agricultural exporters at market price in bulk. 

 

添削

 

"In Argentina1 You Could pPay for Your Ccar with gGrains in lieu of cCash"

 

 "Pay grains for your car!"2 In the face of economic crisis in Argentina3, Daimler-Chrysler, which is the a large Germany  automotive manufacturer in Germany4, announced the "Grain Payment Plan" in  economic crisis in Argentina The company aims to expand the sales in by  taking advantage of the new trend of grain settlements ,that is often more welcomed than the collapsing peso5 . In -Tthe plan allows, Ccustomers are allowed- to use grains to buy a Mercedes-Benz6, a Chrysler, and other modelsso on. After the grain settlements, Daimler-Chrysler sells them the grains to agricultural exporters at market prices in bulk. 

 

コメント

 

日本文は新聞記事を要約したもので内容が凝縮して書いたあります。毎日、新聞で眼にする種類の文体の文章ですが、いざ内容を英語で表現しようとして読み直してみると、いろいろな情報が一つの文に詰め込まれていることがわかります。このようないろいろな情報を分解し、整理して英語で表現する必要があります。Hanaさんはこの分解、整理、再構築をとても上手にしています。また英文はコンパクトに書かれています。わたしの添削は表現を少し説明的にしてみました。

 

1.       文章の見出しにIn Argentinaを入れて、これはアルゼンチンの話ですよ(残念ながら日本ではありませんよ)としました。

 

2.       「自動車代金の支払いは穀物でどうぞ−。」を"Pay grains for your car!"とよくこなれた英文で表現してありますね。

 

3.       英文では文の始めと終わりに読者の注意がいきます。ここでは「経済危機のアルゼンチン」を文の最初に置いたほうが内容が良く説明できると思います。

 

4.       「ドイツ自動車大手ダイムラークライスラー」のように名詞の連続した日本語は名詞と名詞の間の関連がわかりにくいことがあります。ここでは「ドイツにおける大手自動車メーカーのダイムラークライスラー」の意味にとりました。

 

5.       「急落した通貨ペソに代わり穀物が商取引の決済手段となりつつあることに注目した販売促進策。」をダイムラークライスラー社を主語にして、日本文の内容をよく理解して英語で表現してあります。「販売促進策」で終わっている文章の内容をThe company aims to expand the sales…としたのは見事ですね。the collapsing pesoは「まだまだ急落が続いているペソ」になります。「すでに急落してしまったペソ」ならthe collapsed pesoとなります。

 

6.       A Mercedes-Benz (メルセデスーベンツ社製の自動車)a Chrysler (クライスラー社製の自動車)など名前の良く知られた会社の名前にaとつけて会社製の製品を表します。

 

次に添削した文章を下に書きました。文の順序を入れ替えて文と文の連結が良くなるようにしました。

 

"In Argentina You Could Pay for Your Car with Grains in lieu of Cash"

 

"Pay grains for your car!" In the face of economic crisis in Argentina, Daimler-Chrysler, which is a large automotive manufacturer in Germany, announced the "Grain Payment Plan." The plan allows customers to use grains to buy a Mercedes-Benz, a Chrysler, and other models.

 

The company aims to expand the sales by taking advantage of the new trend of grain settlement that is often more welcomed than the collapsing peso. After the grain settlement, Daimler-Chrysler sells the grains to agricultural exporters at market prices.

 

 

練習問題 20 「日本の若者の読書離れ」

 

日本の子供、若者の読書離れに危機感が強まっている。OECD(経済開発機構)の一昨年度の調査によると、「趣味としての読書をしない」と答えた子供は55%で、調査対象三十五カ国の中で最低だったという。子供が読書の習慣をつけるようにと、国内各地の小、中、高校で現在、授業前の十分間、思い思いの本を読む「朝の読書運動」が広がっている。

 

読者からの投稿 3(LUCCA, 22 August 16

 

"Young Generation Reads Few Books”

 

Japanese children and young people are keeping away from books. This concern is based on a survey on reading habits conducted by the OECD two years ago. According to the survey, 55 percent of Japanese children were not accustomed to read books. This percentage was the lowest among the 35 countries.

 

In light of this result, primary, junior and high schools have set out a new program that enables school children to get into a habit of reading books. This new program, which is called “read a book in the morning”, encourages school children to read a book for ten minutes every morning before a class. The initiative is getting strong support across the country.

 

添削

 

"Young Generations in Japan Reads Few Books”

 

Japanese children and young people are keeping themselves away from books. This concern  finding1 is based on a survey on reading habits conducted by the OECD two years ago in its member countries2. According to the survey, 55 percent of Japanese children were not accustomed to reading books. This percentage was the lowest among the 35 countries.

 

In light of this result, primary, junior and high schools have set out a new program that enables school children to get into a habit of reading books. This new program, which is called “read a book in the morning”, encourages school children to read a book for ten minutes every morning before a class. The initiative is getting strong support across the country.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。

 

1.       「本を読まなくても情報源は他にたくさんあり、日常生活に困らない。」という人もいるので、ここではconcern ではなく、finding とする議論もあるでしょう。従来の紙の本を読まなくても、デジタル情報を「読む」機会は増えているのでしょう。私はカナダに住んでいるので日本の本、雑誌、新聞はデジタル版をインターネットで購入して、PCやブックリーダーで読んでいます。欲しいときに購入出来て直ぐに読めるので大変便利です。そのうえ本棚の場所をとりません。またブックリーダーで活字を大きめにすると、小さな活字がみっしりと印刷してある紙の本よりずっと読みやすいという利点が、私にはあります。但し、新刊本はデジタル化されるまでに時間がかかる(出版社の営業方針でしよう)、総ての出版物がデジタル化されているわけではない、日本のデジタル本は北米のデジタル本に比べて割高である、などの欠点もあります。私の「英語で書く基本がわかる本」も紙の本は絶版になりましたが、デジタル本は現在でも発売中です。これはデジタル本の利点でしょう。

 

2.       後でamong the 35 countriesとでてくるので、ここであらかじめこのような補足説明をいれとおくとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Young Generations in Japan Read Few Books”

 

Japanese children and young people are keeping themselves away from books. This  finding is based on a survey on reading habits conducted by the OECD two years ago in its member countries. According to the survey, 55 percent of Japanese children were not accustomed to reading books. This percentage was the lowest among the 35 countries.

 

In light of this result, primary, junior and high schools have set out a new program that enables school children to get into a habit of reading books. This new program, which is called “read a book in the morning”, encourages school children to read a book for ten minutes every morning before a class. The initiative is getting strong support across the country.

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 15 May 08

 

"Young Japanese People Read Less"

 

In Japan, a concern is growing that young people and children today read less than they used to. This is backed up by the results of a survey conducted by the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD) two years ago. The survey found that 55 percent of children in Japan didn't read for pleasure, the worst among the 35 participating countries.

 

To motivate students to read regularly, a large number of elementary, junior high and high schools nationwide is now introducing a program called "Reading in the Morning" in which students can read their favorite books for 10 minutes before the class.

 

添削

 

"Young Japanese People Read Less Books"

 

In Japan, a concern is growing that young people and children today read less books than they used to. This is backed up by the results of a survey conducted by the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD) two years ago. The survey found that 55 percent of children in Japan didn't read books for pleasure, the worst among the 35 participating countries.

 

To motivate students to read books regularly, a large number of elementary, junior high and high schools nationwide is are now introducing a program called "Reading in the Morning" in which students can read their favorite books for 10 minutes every morning before their class starts.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。読書調査なのでread booksとします。読書が減っている原因のひとつは、電子メール、ホームページ、映画の字幕など、読み物の範囲が増えていることでしょう。もっとも最近は映画の字幕13字2行が読みきれない若者が増えているという新聞記事を読みましたが。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Young Japanese Read Less Books"

 

In Japan, a concern is growing that young people and children today read less books than they used to. This is backed up by the results of a survey conducted by the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD) two years ago. The survey found that 55 percent of children in Japan didn't read books for pleasure, the worst among the 35 participating countries.

 

To motivate students to read books regularly, a large number of elementary, junior high and high schools nationwide are now introducing a program called "Reading in the Morning" in which students can read their favorite books for 10 minutes every morning before their class starts.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(May, 12 Jan 03

 

“Young Japanese Read Few Books”

 

Some Japanese are concerned that children and young people read very few books. Two years ago, the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD) conducted an international survey of reading habits. According to the survey results, only 55 percent of Japanese children read books as a hobby. This is the lowest percentage among the 35 countries included in the survey.

 

Now many primary, and junior and senior high schools have introduced the “Reading Books in the Morning” drive. This drive encourages school children to read books they like for ten minutes every morning and is hoped to help them develop a reading habit.

 

添削

 

“Young Japanese Read Few Books”

 

Some Japanese people1 are concerned that children and young people read very few books. Two years ago, the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD) conducted an international survey of reading habits2. According to the survey results, only 55 percent of Japanese children read books as a hobby. This is the lowest percentage among the 35 countries included in the survey.

 

Now m Many primary, and junior and senior high schools have now introduced the “Reading Books in the Morning” drive. This drive encourages school children to read books they like for ten minutes every morning and it is hoped that3 they will to help them develop a reading habit.

 

コメント

 

1.       「日本の子供、若者の読書離れに危機感が強まっている」の隠れた主語をMany Japanese peopleではなく、Some Japanese peopleとしたのはなかなか厳しい見方ですね。

 

2.       「OECD(経済開発機構)の一昨年度の調査によると〜」を二つの文に分けて英文で表現しているので、内容がはっきりしています。

 

3.       and の前の文が長いので、後ろの文の主語を変えてをit is hoped that…としました。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Young Japanese Read Few Books”

 

Some Japanese people are concerned that children and young people read very few books. Two years ago, the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD) conducted an international survey of reading habits. According to the survey results, only 55 percent of Japanese children read books as a hobby. This is the lowest percentage among the 35 countries included in the survey.

 

Many primary, junior and senior high schools have now introduced the “Reading Books in the Morning” drive. This drive encourages school children to read books they like for ten minutes every morning and it is hoped that they will develop a reading habit.