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上級練習問題の添削 1115

練習問題 11 「理想の生活のキーワード(20 Feb 03) (21 May 08) (7 Apr 10) (29 Dec 15)

練習問題 12 「未来の生活について考えよう(1)」(20 Feb 03) (28 Oct 03) (5 Nov 07)

(23 May 08) (7 Jan 16)

練習問題 13 「未来の生活について考えよう(2)」(28 Oct 03) (6 Nov 07) (3 June 08)

(2 Feb 16)

練習問題 14 「未来の生活について考えよう(3)」(29 Oct 03) (7 Nov 07) (5 June 08)

(20 February 16)

練習問題 15 「未来の生活について考えよう(4)」(31 Oct 03) (9 June 08) (8 Mar 16)

 

練習問題 11 「理想の生活のキーワード

 

理想の生活のキーワードは「いきいき」、「のびのび」、「ゆうゆう」といったものになると思います。「いきいき」というのは自分の能力、意思を十全に発揮している状態です。これは仕事の場合もあるでしょうし、また趣味や家庭生活などについてもいえます。「のびのび」した状態というのは、自由で自律的に活動している状態です。他人の目をあまり気にせず、自分の価値観に従って我が道を行くといった情景です。堅い言葉でいえば独立自尊の生き方といってよいかもしれません。「ゆうゆう」というのは、過去をくよくよしたり、未来を思い悩んだりするのではなく、現在の与えられた情況を楽しみ、充実させるということです。「いきいき」現在を生き、「のびのび」独立自尊できれば、結果として「ゆうゆう」とできるともいえます。ひとことでいえばものに拘らず自由で向上心に富んだ生き方をしていると、格好良いのではないかと思います。互いのこういう状況を尊重する社会を目指すべきでしょう。

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 29 December 15

 

"Keywords for an Ideal Life" 

 

In order to achieve your ideal life, you have to focus on three keywords, which are " lively ", "carefree" and "relaxing" lifestyle. "Lively" lifestyle means that you are making use of your abilities and realizing your ideas to the fullest extent. This may happen at work, at home or at a hobby group. "Carefree" lifestyle is to act freely and independently. Just imagine that you act in your own way, believe in your own values and are not worried about other people's opinions. This concept can be rephrased as self-sustaining attitude. "Relaxing" lifestyle means that you stop thinking about the negative aspects of the past and future. Instead, you are satisfied with the present situation and enhance the quality of your life. When you adopt lively and carefree lifestyle, you will be able to obtain a relaxing life. In short, you can enjoy a cool life when you become a laid-back, free- minded and positive person. In the future, we should create a society in which everyone respects each other's lifestyle.

 

添削

 

"Keywords for an Ideal Life" 

 

In order to achieve your ideal life, you have to focus on three keywords, which are " lively ", "carefree" and "relaxing." Lifestyle1. "Lively" lifestyle means that you are making use of your abilities and realizing your ideas to the fullest extent. This may happen at work, at home or at a hobby group. "Carefree" lifestyle is to act freely and independently. Just imagine that you act in your own way, believe in your own values and are not worried about other people's opinions. This concept can be rephrased as a self-sustaining attitude. "Relaxing" lifestyle means that you stop thinking worrying about the negative aspects of the past and future. Instead, you are satisfied with the present situation and enhance the quality of your life. When you adopt a lively and carefree lifestyle, you will be able to obtain a relaxing life. In short, you can enjoy a cool life when you become a laid-back, free- minded and positive person. In the future, we should create a society2 in which everyone respects each other's lifestyle.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。主観的な日本文を丁寧に解釈してわかりやすく英文で表現しています。

 

1.       Three key wordsと言っているでのlifestyleはいりません。

 

2.       社会全体の時はsocietyと冠詞無しで使い、そのうちのある部分を指すときは冠詞がつきます。ここでは理想の社会ということなので、冠詞無しの社会全体がよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

3

"Keywords for an Ideal Life" 

 

In order to achieve your ideal life, you have to focus on three keywords, which are " lively ", "carefree" and "relaxing." "Lively" means that you are making use of your abilities and realizing your ideas to the fullest extent. This may happen at work, at home or at a hobby group. "Carefree" is to act freely and independently. Just imagine that you act in your own way, believe in your own values and are not worried about other people's opinions. This concept can be rephrased as a self-sustaining attitude. "Relaxing" means that you stop worrying about the negative aspects of the past and future. Instead, you are satisfied with the present situation and enhance the quality of your life. When you adopt a lively and carefree lifestyle, you will be able to obtain a relaxing life. In short, you can enjoy a cool life when you become a laid-back, free- minded and positive person. In the future, we should create society in which everyone respects each other's lifestyle.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(あすか、7 April 10

 

"Key to a Perfect Life"

 

Putting the words to a perfect life, you will come up with lively, relaxing, affluent and so on. Lively is what express your intention completely or exploit your abilities to the fullest at work. This also applies for your hobbies or in your family life.

 

Relaxing is that state of acting autonomously or freely without caring about other's view. Taken a bookish, it's to go your own way in accordance with your value, and it could be a self-sustaining life.

 

Affluent is to imply that you enjoy your present moment, and live your life to the fullest. You never regret the past, nor be concerned about the future. People live lively in a moment, live a self-sustaining relaxing life, and the resulting effects are able to make your affluent life.

 

To put it simply, people who have a willingness of moving on and uninteresting everything are impressive, and people should create a society where they respect the condition of having a perfect life with each other.

 

添削

 

"Key Words1 for to a Perfect Life"

 

Putting the words to a 2 perfect life, you will come up with lively, relaxing relaxed3, affluent and so on. Lively means4 that is you can what express your intention completely or exploit your abilities to the fullest in your life and on your job at work. This also applies for to your hobbies or and to in your family life.

 

“Relaxed” Relaxing  means is that the state of mind acting autonomously or freely without caring about other's views. In other words, Taken a bookish, it's it is to go your own way in accordance with your values, .and it could be a self-sustaining life.

 

Affluent means is to imply that you enjoy your present moment, and live your life to the fullest. You never regret the past, nor be concerned about the future. People live lively in the present a moment, live a self-sustaining relaxed relaxing life, and the resulting effects are able to make your affluent life affluent.

 

To put it simply, perfect life can be approached5 if we people who have a are willingness of to move on forwards moving on and interested in new things. uninteresting everything  People who can practice these things are impressive., and people We should create a society where we can pursue such they respect the condition of having a perfect life together with each other.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、最後の段落はわかりにくいです。日本文の内容は「理想の生活」という漠然としたものについての感想文なので、英文の表現法も日本文の解釈によっていろいろと異なります。あすかさんはいろいろ考えて自分風の英文にしています。

 

1.       key to ~でもよいですが、ここは日本文に忠実にkey words for ~としました。

 

2.       生活一般は冠詞無しのlife、だれそれの一生はan astonishing life of Sanada Yukimura というように冠詞がつきます。

 

3.       After a heart attack, he adapted a relaxing life style and started enjoying relaxed life.のようにrelaxingrelaxedには違いがあります。

 

4.       物事を定義する英文の形にA means B.というのがあります。この形式を用いるとわかりやすいでしょう。

 

5.       日本文の最後の段落は漠然とした雲をつかむような内容なので、どう英文で表現するか難しいですね。自分流に英文を解釈して分かりやすくてなるべく具体的な表現をとるよりしかないですね。添削では、この段落は文章の締めくくりなのでperfect life can be approached ~perfect lifeを使いました。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Key Words for Perfect Life"

 

Putting words to perfect life, you will come up with lively, relaxed, affluent and so on. “Lively” means that you can express your intention completely or exploit your abilities to the fullest in your life and on your job. This also applies to your hobbies and to your family life.

 

“Relaxed” means the state of mind acting autonomously or freely without caring about others’ views. In other words, it is to go your own way in accordance with your values.

 

“Affluent” means that you enjoy your present moment and live your life to the fullest. You never regret the past, nor be concerned about the future. People live lively in the present  moment, live a self-sustaining relaxed life, and the resulting effects are to make your life affluent.

 

To put it simply, perfect life can be approached if we are willing to move on forwards and interested in new things. People who can practice these things are impressive. We should create society where we can pursue such perfect life together .

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 21 May 08

 

"Key to Successful Life"

 

The key to a success life includes the following three phrases. 

 

"Live an active life." You live life to the fullest, making the most of your ability and determination to do something. This can be applied to job, hobby and family life.

 

"Live a free and independent life." You follow your own way according to your values without worrying about how other people see you.

 

"Live an easy life." You live for the day, enjoying what you have without worrying about yesterday or tomorrow.

 

Pursuing an active, free and independent life will enable you to live an easy life. Put simply, your life will be successful if you have positive, broad-mind attitude and desire to improve yourself. We should aim to build a society in which we all can gain a successful life.

 

添削

 

"Key to a Successful Life"

 

The key to a successful life includes the following three phrases. 

 

"Live an active life." You live your life to the fullest extent, making the most of your ability and determination to do something what you like. This can be applied to your job, hobby and family life.

 

"Live a free and independent life." You follow your own way of life according to your values without worrying about how other people see you.

 

"Live an easy life." You live for the day, enjoying what you have without worrying about yesterday or tomorrow.

 

Pursuing an active, free and independent life will enable you to live an easy life. Put simply, your life will be successful if you have a positive, broad-mind attitude and desire to improve yourself. We should aim to build a society in which we all can gain achieve a successful life.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。日本文は理想の人生についての感想文なので「いってよいかもしれません」というような言い方が多用されています。Kaloさんはこのような言い方を取り払ってエッセンスだけをキーワードごとのまとめています。英文のほうが内容がわかりやすいですね。「理想の生活」をどう表現するかは、本文の理想の生活の要素をどのように解釈するかで違いますね。Kaloさんはa successful lifeと解釈しています。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Key to a Successful Life"

 

The key to a successful life includes the following three phrases. 

 

"Live an active life." You live your life to the fullest extent, making the most of your ability and determination to do what you like. This can be applied to your job, hobby and family life.

 

"Live a free and independent life." You follow your own way of life according to your values without worrying about how other people see you.

 

"Live an easy life." You live for the day, enjoying what you have without worrying about yesterday or tomorrow.

 

Pursuing an active, free and independent life will enable you to live an easy life. Put simply, your life will be successful if you have a positive, broad-mind attitude and desire to improve yourself. We should aim to build a society in which we all can achieve a successful life.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(セイジ、20 Feb 03

 

“Key words for an Ideal Life Style”

 

The key words for an ideal life style could be lively, relaxed, and leisurely. “Lively” describes a situation when we are making full use of our ideas and abilities. We could be lively on our job or at home. “Relaxed” means that we are freely and independently engaged in our activities. We behave according to our own values and are little concerned with how others think about us. “Leisurely” means that we enjoy what we have now at our best and are not concerned with the past of the future. We may say that once we can spend our days lively and relaxed, then as a result we can live a leisurely life.

 

In short, we can achieve a nice-looking life style when we can freely pursue our self-improvement. We should try to develop a society where we can individually pursuer such life style.

 

添削

 

Key wordsKeywords for an Ideal Life Style”

 

The key words keywords for an ideal life style could be lively, relaxed, and leisurely. “Lively” describes a situation when in which we are making full use of our ideas and abilities. We could be lively on at our job or at home. “Relaxed” means that we are freely and independently engaged in our activities. We behave according to our own values and are little concerned with how others think about us. “Leisurely” means that we enjoy what we have now at our best and are not concerned with the past of or the future. We may could say that once we can spend our days lively and relaxed, then as a result we can live the result would be a leisurely life.

 

In short, we can achieve a nice-looking life style when we can freely pursue our self-improvement. We should try to develop a society where in which we can individually pursuer such a life style.

 

コメント

 

日本文は一読して内容がわかったような気がしますが、さて英語で表現しようすると、なかなか難しいことがわかります。この難しさの原因はいくつもあります。一般的、抽象的、印象的な表現が多く、そのまま英語で表現しても、英語圏の読者に内容が伝わるのか、という疑問です。、また読者と認識を共有していると仮定した表現も多くあり、このような認識を共有していない読者を想定したときに、どれだけ背景を説明する必要があるかという問題があります。

 

また、「〜といったものになると思います」、「〜もあるでしょう」、「〜といってよいかもしれません」、「〜ともいえます」、「〜ではないかと思います」というような丁寧、婉曲、あいまい表現が多用されています。このような「微妙な気持ち」はどれだけ英語で表現する必要があるのかも問題になります。

 

セイジさんは日本文の内容を整理してから、過不足なくわかりやすい英文で表現しています。セイジさんの英文の方が、内容がよくわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Keywords for an Ideal Life Style”

 

The  keywords for an ideal life style could be lively, relaxed, and leisurely. “Lively” describes a situation in which we are making full use of our ideas and abilities. We could be lively at our job or at home. “Relaxed” means that we are freely and independently engaged in our activities. We behave according to our own values and are little concerned with how others think about us. “Leisurely” means that we enjoy what we have now at our best and are not concerned with the past or the future. We could say that once we can spend our days lively and relaxed, then  the result would be a leisurely life.

 

In short, we can achieve a nice life style when we can freely pursue self-improvement. We should try to develop a society in which we can individually pursuer such a life style.

 

練習問題 12 「未来の生活について考えよう(1)」

 

私たちは、いまだかつてないほど平和で豊かな生活をしており、そうした生活にそこそこ満足しています。それなのに多くの人が充実感や生きがいを感じられないでいるのはなぜなのでしょうか。

 

低成長への移行、少子・高齢化、人口減少、情報化、グローバル化、環境制約の強まりといった経済や社会の大きな変化に対して、これまでのシステムは十分に対応できなくなっています。このままでは、自分も失業してしまって「人並みの人生」から「はずれてしまう」のではないか、財政や社会保障制度が破綻するのではないか、格差の拡大や犯罪の増加によって社会が不安定化するのではないか、そういった将来に対する不安が高まっています。

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 7 January 16

 

"Think about our Future Life (1)"

 

Today we are enjoying an unprecedented peaceful and wealthy life and have a certain level of happiness with such a life. However most of us are not feeling that we live our life fully and meaningfully. Why does it happen?

 

The main problem is that the current social system can not cope with various changes of our society and economy. These changes include the decrease in economic growth, the falling birth rate, the ageing population, the decrease in the population, the informatization, the globalization and the tightening of environmental regulation. 

 

If this trend continues, many problems may occur in the future. We may lose our job and average life. The national financial and welfare programs may go into bankruptcy. Our society may become unstable due to expanding gaps between rich and poor or rising a crime rate. We get increasingly anxious about our future life.

 

添削

 

"Think about our Future Life (1)"

 

Today we are enjoying an unprecedented level of1 peaceful and wealthy life and have a certain level of happiness with such a life. However most of us are not feeling that we live our life fully and meaningfully. Why does it happen?

 

The main problem is that the current social system can not cope with various changes of our society and economy. These changes include the decrease in economic growth, the falling birth rate, the ageing population, the decrease in the population, the informatization2, the globalization and the tightening of environmental regulation. 

 

If this trend continues, many problems may occur in the future. We fear that3 Wwe may lose our job and the average standard of life. The national financial and welfare programs may go into bankruptcy. Our society may become unstable due to expanding gaps between the rich and poor or rising a crime rates4. So, Wwe get increasingly anxious about our future life.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       Unprecedentedは形容詞なので、次のpeaceful wealthyにかかる副詞にしたいのですが、unpredentedlyという副詞は使わないようなので、添削のようにしました。

 

2.       ここは一般的な状況なので定冠詞を使いません。Informatizationは私のコンピューターのスペルチェッカーに引っかかりますが、意味はわかります。

 

3.       「人並みの人生」から「はずれてしまう」は感想なのでwe fear をいれました。

 

4.       いろいろな種類の犯罪があるので複数にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Think about our Future Life (1)"

 

Today we are enjoying an unprecedented level of peaceful and wealthy life and have a certain level of happiness with such a life. However most of us are not feeling that we live our life fully and meaningfully. Why does it happen?

 

The main problem is that the current social system can not cope with various changes of our society and economy. These changes include the decrease in economic growth, the falling birth rate, the ageing population, the decrease in the population, informatization, globalization and the tightening of environmental regulation. 

 

If this trend continues, many problems may occur in the future. We fear that we may lose our job and the average standard of life. The national financial and welfare programs may go into bankruptcy. Our society may become unstable due to expanding gaps between the rich and poor or rising crime rates. So, we get increasingly anxious about our future life.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Kalo, 23 May 08

 

"Think about our future life (1)"

 

Today, we are enjoying more peaceful and wealthy society than ever before and most of us are somewhat satisfied with our life. In such a society, however, some don't feel fulfilled or worth living.

 

This is because our traditional system can no longer keep pace with major socioeconomic changes, which have been caused by the transition from high to low economic growth and a declining and aging population as well as a shift to information society, globalization and tightened regulations to protect the environment.

 

Under these circumstances, a lot of people are concerned about the future. They are saying that they would lose a job and have no hope for a decent life. The national finances and social security system would go bankrupt. The society would become unstable as a result of an increase in crimes and a widening income gap between the rich and the poor.

 

添削

 

"Think about our future life (1)"

 

Today, we are enjoying more peaceful and wealthy society than ever before and most of us are somewhat satisfied with our life. Living Iin such a society, however, why some do don't some of us feel that our life is not fulfilled or worth living?1.

 

This is because our traditional system can no longer keep pace with major socioeconomic changes, which have been caused by the transition from high to low economic growth and a declining and aging population, as well as a shift to information society, globalization and tightened regulations to protect the environment.

 

Under these circumstances, a lot of people are concerned about the future. They are saying afraid that they may2 would lose a job and fall into a life with have no hope for regaining a decent life. The national finances and social security system would may go bankrupt. The society would may become unstable as a result of an increase in crimes and a widening income gap between the rich and the poor.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       a rhetorical questionも内容の印象を強くするのに有効は方法です。

 

2.       実際にこうなるかもしれない、と心配しているのでmayがよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Think about our future life (1)"

 

Today, we are enjoying more peaceful and wealthy society than ever before and most of us are satisfied with our life. Living in such a society, why do some of us feel that our life is not fulfilled or worth living?.

 

This is because our traditional system can no longer keep pace with major socioeconomic changes, which have been caused by the transition from high to low economic growth and a declining and aging population, as well as a shift to information society, globalization and tightened regulations to protect the environment.

 

Under these circumstances, a lot of people are concerned about the future. They are afraid that they may lose a job and fall into a life with no hope for regaining a decent life. The national finance and social security system may go bankrupt. The society may become unstable as a result of an increase in crimes and a widening income gap between the rich and the poor.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 5 November 07

 

Let's think about our future lifestyle (1)

 

We enjoy more peaceful and better life than ever before and have decent satisfaction for it. Still, why can't so many people find fulfillment or something to live for?

 

Past common sense has not worked enough toward huge economical or social changes, such as transition to low growth, low birth rate and longevity, informatization, globalization and tightly restricted environment. Anxieties for future, concern over "failing to spend decent life" from unemployment, collapse of national finance and social security system, social destabilization from widening gap and increasing crime, is growing up..

 

添削

 

Let's think about our future lifestyle (1)

 

At present, Wwe are enjoying a more peaceful and better life than ever before and are more or less satisfied with such a life have decent satisfaction for it. Still Then, why are there can't so many people who cannot find fulfillment or something to live for in their life?

 

One of the reasons is that Past the common sense we have inherited from the past is not has not workeding any longer in our society that is going through a period of enough toward huge economical or and social changes, such as the transition to low economic growth, a low birth rate and longevity, informatizationa shift to an information society informatization , globalization and an increasing number of tightly restricted environmental problems. As a result, we feel anxiety for our future such as losing a job and a decent life styleAnxieties for future, concern over "failing to spend decent life" from unemployment, collapseing of the national finance and social security system, social and destabilizationing of society due to from a widening gap between the rich and the poor and an increasing number of crimes,.  is growing up..

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の概略はわかりますが、big wordsがたくさん出てくるので文章を読み終わったときの印象がぼやけます。日本文には、日本人で世の中の動きに敏感な人なら、少子・高齢化、人口減少、情報化、グローバル化、環境制約などの言葉をならべても言いたいことはわかるだろう、という想定にもとづて書かれた文章があります。このような内容を英文で表現するときは、内容を整理して具体的に論理を組み立てて文章を書くとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

Let's think about our future lifestyle (1)

 

At present, we are enjoying a more peaceful and better life than ever before and are more or less satisfied with such a life. Then, why are there so many people who cannot find fulfillment or something to live for in their life?

 

One of the reasons is that the common sense we have inherited from the past is not working any longer in our society that is going through a period of huge economical and social changes such as the transition to low economic growth, a low birth rate and longevity, a shift to an information society, globalization and an increasing number of environmental problems. As a result, we feel anxiety for our future such as losing a job and a decent life style, collapsing of the national finance and social security system, and destabilizing of society due to a widening gap between the rich and the poor and an increasing number of crimes.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(NOMU, 27 Oct 03

 

“Thinking about the Future (1)”

 

We are living as richly and peacefully as ever and there is no particular complaint about our lives. Many people, however, aren't able to get the sense of satisfaction or find the purpose in their lives. Why is that? The current social system doesn't cope with big changes in economy and society such as slower economic growth, fewer children, the aging population, decreasing population, information technology, globalization and more restricted environment. There is growing concern about the future: "I might lose my job and drop out of the normal course of life" , "The financial and social security system might collapse" or "The society might become unstable because of the disparity between the poor and the rich, and the increase in crimes" 

 

添削

 

“Thinking about the Future (1)”

 

We are living as richly and peacefully as ever and there is we have1 no particular complaints about our lives. Many people, however, aren't able to get the a sense of satisfaction or find the purpose in their lives. Why is that? The current social system doesn't cannot cope with big changes in the economy and society such as slower economic growth, fewer children, the an aging population and decreasing population, information technology, globalization, and more restricted environment any more tougher environmental regulations2. There is growing concern about the future3: "I might lose my job and drop out of the normal course of life" , ; "The financial and social security system might collapse" or "The sSociety might become unstable because of the disparity between the poor and the rich, and the increase in crimes." 

 

コメント

 

日本文は「充実感や生きがい」、「人並みの人生」など、よく使われるがいざ英語で表現しようとすると難しい語句が入っています。NOMUさんはこれらの語句の意味を解釈して平易な英文で表現しています。

 

1.       この文の主語をWeで統一したほうが文の流れがよくなります。

 

2.       「環境制約の強まり」は自然環境保護の制約が高まって、日常生活も今より制約されるという意味でしょうか?もしそうだとすると、more restricted environmentでは少し範囲が広すぎるようですし、tougher environmental regulationsではすこし範囲が狭すぎるようにおもいます。ここではより具体的な表現を取って、tougher environmental regulationsにしました。

 

3.       「将来に対する不安が高まっています。」をNOMUさんはThere is growing concern about the future.と表現しています。この表現方法は応用例が多く覚えておくと便利です。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Thinking about the Future (1)”

 

We are living as richly and peacefully as ever and we have no particular complaints about our lives. Many people, however, aren't able to get a sense of satisfaction or find purpose in their lives. Why is that? The current social system cannot cope with big changes in the economy and society such as slower economic growth, fewer children, an aging population and decreasing population, information technology, globalization, and  tougher environmental regulations. There is growing concern about the future: "I might lose my job and drop out of the normal course of life" ; "The financial and social security system might collapse" or " Society might become unstable because of the disparity between the poor and the rich, and the increase in crimes." 

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(セイジ、20 Feb 03

 

“Let’s Think About Our Life in the Future (1)”

 

We enjoy peaceful and prosperous life and are more or less satisfied with such life. Then, why do many of us feel that something meaningful is lacking from our life and that we are yet a far way from obtaining a sense of fulfillment?

 

The current framework of Japanese society can no longer effectively cope with major changes in our society and economy. These changes include the transition from a high growing to a low growing economy, the declining birth rate, aging of the population, an anticipated decline in the size of population, the shift to an information society, globalization of the economy, and increasing environmental problems.

 

Facing such changes, we are increasingly concerned with our future. Will I lose my job and drop out of the normal course of life? Will national finance and welfare programs go bankrupt? Will the society become unstable by an increasing gap between the rich and the poor and an increasing number of crimes?

 

添削

 

“Let’s Think About Our Life in the Future (1)”

 

We enjoy a peaceful and prosperous life and are more or less satisfied with such a life. Then, why do many of us feel that something meaningful is lacking from our life and that we are yet a far way from obtaining a sense of fulfillment?1

 

The current framework of Japanese society can no longer effectively cope with major changes in our society and economy. These changes include the transition from a high growing to a low growing economy, the declining birth rate, aging of the population, an anticipated decline in the size of the population, the shift to an information society, globalization of the economy, and increasing environmental problems2.

 

Facing such changes, we are increasingly concerned with about our future. Will I lose my job and drop out of the normal course of life? Will national finance and welfare programs go bankrupt? Will the society become unstable by an because of the increasing gap between the rich and the poor and an increasing number of crimes?

 

コメント

 

セイジさんは英語で表現しにくい文体の日本文の内容をよく消化して、わかりやすく英文で表現しました。どのようにして、英文で表現したのか分析してみましょう。

 

1.       「それなのに多くの人が充実感や生きがいを感じられないでいるのはなぜなのでしょうか。」は次のように内容を再構築しています。

 

「それなのに、なぜ多くの人が次のように感じているのか?」

「われわれの生活から何か大切なものが欠けている、そして生きがいの感覚を得ることからまだ程遠い。」

 

2.       「低成長への移行、少子・高齢化、人口減少、情報化、グローバル化、環境制約の強まりといった経済や社会の大きな変化に対して、これまでのシステムは十分に対応できなくなっています。」は次のように二つの文にわけています。

 

「現在の日本の社会の骨組みは、社会と経済の大きな変化に、もう対処できない。」

「このような社会と経済の大きな変化には、低成長への移行、少子・高齢化、人口減少、情報化、グローバル化、環境制約の強まり、がある。」

 

添削後の文章

 

“Let’s Think About Our Life in the Future (1)”

 

We enjoy a peaceful and prosperous life and are more or less satisfied with such a life. Then, why do many of us feel that something meaningful is lacking from our life and that we are far way from obtaining a sense of fulfillment?

 

The current framework of Japanese society can no longer effectively cope with major changes in our society and economy. These changes include the transition from a high growing to a low growing economy, the declining birth rate, aging of the population, an anticipated decline in the size of the population, the shift to an information society, globalization of the economy, and increasing environmental problems.

 

Facing such changes, we are increasingly concerned about our future. Will I lose my job and drop out of the normal course of life? Will national finance and welfare programs go bankrupt? Will society become unstable because of the increasing gap between the rich and the poor and an increasing number of crimes?

 

 

練習問題 13 「未来の生活について考えよう(2)」

 

私達は今、自分ではどうすることもできない「納得できない格差」が生じたり、横並びを重視するあまり「納得できない悪平等」が生じ、多くの人が努力してもそれが報 われないと感じています。そのため、私たちは萎縮してしまい、「夢」や「希望」を 見失っており、目の前の困難に立ち向かっていく元気が出ないでいるのではないでしょうか。たとえ小さくても「夢」を描くことができれば、人はその「夢」を実現するためにチャレンジするようになるでしょう。チャレンジにリスクはつきものですから失敗することがあるかもしれません。でも、何もしないのに比べれば、世の中は少しずつではあっても着実に良い方向に変わっていくでしょう。「変化」は「希望」を 生み、もっと多くの人がもっと大きな「夢」を描くことができるようになります。未来の生活を考えるということは、私たち一人ひとりが未来に「夢」を描き、それに向 かってチャレンジしていくことです。  

 

読者からの投稿 5(Lucca, 2 February 16

 

Thinking about our Future Life (2)”

 

In the contemporary society, we are suffering from the frustration that our efforts are not rewarded. On one hand, there exists social disparity on which we have no control. On the other hand, there exists an excessive egalitarian approach. Under the circumstances, we get nervous, lose our dreams and hopes ,and have little confidence in overcoming difficulties. However if we live a life with even a small dream, we can take a step forwards our dream. There is always a risk of failure. But challenging toward a dream is better than doing nothing. Our challenges will change our society, and what is more, the society will go into the right direction slowly and steadily. Once people notice positive moves in the society, they will have a hope again. This trend will encourage more people to try to achieve a bigger dream. Thinking about the future means that each of us has a dream for the future and makes every effort to fulfill the dream.

 

添削

 

Thinking about our Future Life (2)”

 

In the contemporary society, we are suffering from the frustration that our efforts are not rewarded. On one hand, there exists social disparity on which we have no control. On the other hand, there exists an excessive egalitarian approach. Under the circumstances, we get nervous, lose our dreams and hopes ,and have little confidence in overcoming these difficulties. However if we live a life with even a small dream, we can take a step forwards our dream. There is always a risk of failure. But challenging toward a dream is better than doing nothing. Our challenges will change our society, and what is more, the society will go into the right direction slowly and steadily. Once people notice positive moves changes in the society, they will have a their hopes1 again. This trend will encourage more people to try to achieve a bigger dream. Thinking about the future means that each of us has a dream for the future and makes every effort to fulfill the dream.

 

コメント

 

日本文は抽象的な議論で分かり難く、英文で具体的に表現するのがとても難しいですが、Luccaさんは良く考えてわかりやすく英文で表現しています。この種類の日本文の英訳は日本語の解釈が一番の要点になります。英作文のための日本語としては良い例題ではありませんが、このような種類の日本文も多いので例題に入れてあります。

 

1.       Hopeは加算名詞、不可算名詞のふたつの使い方がありますが、ここではour hopesという可算名詞複数形が既に文章の中に出ているので、形式を合わせてtheir hopes にしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Thinking about our Future Life (2)”

 

In the contemporary society, we are suffering from the frustration that our efforts are not rewarded. On one hand, there exists social disparity on which we have no control. On the other hand, there exists an excessive egalitarian approach. Under the circumstances, we get nervous, lose our dreams and hopes ,and have little confidence in overcoming these difficulties. However if we live a life with even a small dream, we can take a step forwards our dream. There is always a risk of failure. But challenging a dream is better than doing nothing. Our challenge will change our society, and what is more, the society will go into the right direction slowly and steadily. Once people notice positive changes in the society, they will have their hopes again. This trend will encourage more people to try to achieve a bigger dream. Thinking about the future means that each of us has a dream for the future and makes every effort to fulfill the dream.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Kalo, 3 June 08

 

"Think about our future life (2)"

 

Now, we feel dissatisfied with widening gaps in various fields because they are caused by inequality between urban and rural areas, sexes, ages and others that we can't tackle individually. We also feel that our efforts aren't rewarded because the principles of equality are too strongly emphasized. These negative feelings lead us to lose dreams, hope and motivation to overcome problems at hand.

 

So, what should we do now? It is to have a dream however small it may be. Having a dream encourages us to try to do something. We should try even if it fails. It is better than doing nothing. By trying, we can change the society for the better though such change may come slowly.  

 

When we improve the society, we can have hope for our future life. In turn, having hope enables us to hold bigger dreams. Thinking about our future life means that each of us has great ambitions for the future and tries to achieve them.

 

添削

 

"Think about our future life (2)"

 

Now, we feel dissatisfied with widening gaps in various fields of our daily life1 because they are caused by such factors as the inequality between urban and rural areas, sexes, ages and others that we can't tackle individually. We also feel that our efforts aren't rewarded properly because the principles of equality are is too strongly emphasized too much. These negative feelings lead us to lose dreams, hopes and motivations to overcome problems at hand.

 

So, what should we do now? It is to We should have a dream however small it may be. Having a dream encourages us to try to do something. We should would try even if we could it fails. But It would be is better than doing nothing. By trying, we can change our the society for the better though such change may come slowly2.  

 

When we improve the our society, we can create have a new hope for our future life. In turn, hHaving a hope, in turn, enables us to hold a bigger dreams. Thinking about our future life with a bigger dream means that each of us has harbours a great ambitions for the future and tries to achieve it them3.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。日本文は抽象的ですが、未来に希望を持とう、という説得文です。Kaloさんの英文は説得の内容がわかりやすくひょうげんしてあります。

 

1.       このような句を入れて文章の内容を読み手に近づけるとよいでしょう。

 

2.       What should we do?と始めたのでこのスタイルを保持するとよいでしょう。添削のwould, couldの使い方をごらんください。

 

3.       a change in society, a new hope, a bigger dream, a great ambitionと関連して動いていく、というところがこの説得文の要点ですから、単数形で一つずつ表現するとこのことがはっきりするでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Think about our future life (2)"

 

Now, we feel dissatisfied with widening gaps in various fields of our daily life because they are caused by such factors as the inequality between urban and rural areas, sexes, ages and others that we can't tackle individually. We also feel that our efforts aren't rewarded properly because the principle of equality is emphasized too much. These negative feelings lead us to lose dreams, hopes and motivations to overcome problems at hand.

 

So, what should we do now? We should have a dream however small it may be. Having a dream encourages us to try to do something. We would try even if we could fail. But It would be better than doing nothing. By trying, we can change our society for the better though such change may come slowly.  

 

When we improve our society, we can create a new hope for our future life. Having a hope, in turn, enables us to hold a bigger dream. Thinking about our future life with a bigger dream means that each of us harbours a great ambition for the future and tries to achieve it.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 6 November 07

 

Let's think about our future lifestyle (2)

 

Most of people feel that effort will not be rewarded because there are” unconvinced gap" which we can't manage and "unconvinced inequality" which our horizontally egalitarian thought caused. Therefore, we coward, lose "dream" and "hope" and end up lacking energy to face imminent challenges.

 

Even if it is tiny, once we can describe our "dreams", we are going to challenge for the "dreams" to come true. As challenge always come with risk, sometimes we might fail but it is better than doing nothing. It may be little by little but the world will steadily improve. "Change" generates "Hope" and more and more people will be able to describe their bigger dreams. Thinking about future lifestyle means each of us describes "dream" in the future and challenges for it.

 

添削

 

Let's think about our future lifestyle (2)

 

At present, Mmost of people feel that our efforts are will not properly be rewarded in society; income gaps are increasing regardless of our individual efforts and individual initiatives and incentives are dying because too much emphasis is placed on equality because there are” unconvinced gap" which we can't manage and "unconvinced inequality" which our horizontally egalitarian thought caused. As a result, Therefore, we become timid coward, lose our "dream" and "hope," and end up losing lacking energy to face imminent challenges.

 

Even if it is tiny, as long as once we can hold on to our describe our "dreams", we can keep are going to challengeing our future to realize for the our "dreams" to come true. As challenge always comes with risk, sometimes we might may fail, but it is better than doing nothing. If we do so, It may be little by little but the world will steadily improve little by little. "Change in society " will generates " new Hhope for people" and more and more people will be able to nurture describe their a bigger dreams. Thinking about our future lifestyle means that each of us creates a describes "dream" in for the future and challenges for it.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますがunconvinced gapunconvinced inequalityの意味がわかりません。文章のほかの部分と関連していると想像がつくのですが、これらの言葉が文章の中で独立しているのでどんなことなのか想像できません。このような抽象的な内容の文章はできるだけ具体的に表現するように試みるとよいでしょう。日本文の内容を自分なりに理解して言い換えてもよいでしょう。日本文を見ると「納得できない格差」、「納得できない悪平等」となっていますね。「私には納得の出来ない格差」ということですが、unconvinced gapとするとgapが主体になり、このgap自体がunconvincedというようになります。添削のように説明するとよいでしょう。

 

このたび問題を読み返してみると、これは随分意地悪な問題だとおもいました。論点が大まかなので、英文で表現しようとすると、いろいろと補足しないと論理的な文章になりません。この問題を作った時は、このような内容の補足の練習を目的にしたのだとおもいます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Let's think about our future lifestyle (2)

 

At present, most people feel that our efforts are not properly rewarded in society; income gaps are increasing regardless of our individual efforts and individual initiatives and incentives are dying because too much emphasis is placed on equality. As a result, we become timid, lose our dream and hope, and end up losing energy to face imminent challenges.

 

Even if it is tiny, as long as we can hold on to our dreams, we can keep challenging our future to realize our dreams. As challenge always comes with risk, sometimes we may fail, but it is better than doing nothing. If we do so, the world will steadily improve little by little. Change in society will generate new hope for people and more and more people will be able to nurture a bigger dream. Thinking about our future lifestyle means that each of us creates a dream for the future and challenges it.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1NOMU, 27 Oct 03

 

“Thinking about the Future (2)”

 

Many of us feel our efforts have not been rewarded because there are gaps we feel unfair but aren't able to overcome, or because almost all the competitiveness has been god rid of in the society which blindly emphasizes equality . As a result, we have lost self confidence, dreams and hope. No energy has left to face the challenge at hand any more. When you have a dream, you will try to realize it even if it's a small one. Of course, you could fail when you try something, but that's life. It's better than doing nothing. The world should go to the right direction slowly but steadily, Changes lead to hope and hope leads to dreams. In this way many people will be able to have bigger dreams eventually. Thinking about the future is, in other words, each of us has dream for the future and keep making efforts so that our dreams can come true.  

 

添削

 

“Thinking about the Future (2)”

 

Many of us feel that our efforts have not been properly rewarded because there are gaps that we feel are unfair but aren't able to overcome, or because almost all the competitiveness competition1 has been god gotten rid of in the society which blindly emphasizes equality . As a result, we have lost self -confidence, dreams and hope. No energy has is left to face the challenge at hand any more. When you have a dream, you will try to realize it even if it's a small one. Of course, you could fail when you try something, but that's life. It's better than doing nothing. The world should go to in the right direction slowly but steadily, Changes lead to hope and hope leads to dreams. In this way many people will actually be able to have bigger dreams eventually. Thinking about the future is, in other words that2, each of us has a dream for the future and keeps making efforts so that our dreams can come true.  

 

コメント

 

日本文は平易なように見えますが、いざ英文で内容を表現しようとするとなかなか難しいことがわかります。「納得できない格差」や「納得できない悪平等」など、日本人ならなんとなく内容がわかるような常套句も中身を考えてみると曖昧な概念であることがわかります。「夢」、「希望」もカッコが付いているので何か特別な意味が付いているようにみえます。このような文章の内容を英文で表現するには、まず内容を自分で納得できるように平易に言い直してみることです。NOMUさんは日本文の字句にこだわらずに内容を平易でこなれた英文で表現しています。また文と文を As a result, Of course などの副詞句をいれてスムースにつながるようにしています。

 

1.       Competitiveness は通常「競争力のあること」に意味に使うので、ここでは単にcompetitionのほうがよいでしょう。

 

2.       添削のようにするとthat以下が強調される思います。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Thinking about the Future (2)”

 

Many of us feel that our efforts have not been properly rewarded because there are gaps that we feel are unfair but aren't able to overcome or because almost all  competition has been gotten rid of in society which blindly emphasizes equality. As a result, we have lost self-confidence, dreams and hope. No energy is left to face the challenge at hand any more. When you have a dream, you will try to realize it even if it's a small one. Of course, you could fail when you try something, but that's life. It's better than doing nothing. The world should go in the right direction slowly but steadily, Changes lead to hope and hope leads to dreams. In this way many people will actually be able to have bigger dreams. Thinking about the future is that each of us has a dream for the future and keeps making efforts so that our dreams can come true.  

 

 

練習問題 14 「未来の生活について考えよう(3)」

 

「未来の生活なんて誰にもわからない」、「いくら考えてもそのとおりになるはずがない」と思われるかもしれません。確かにその通りでしょう。でも、立ち止まっていては何も変わりません。今、政府も企業もそして私たち自身も、「構造改革」という変化が求められています。規制制度改革、不良債権処理の促進、財政や社会保障の見直しといった構造改革の先にある未来の生活をどのようなものにしたいのかを思い描き、その実現に向かって一緒にチャレンジすることが大切なのではないでしょうか。私たちは、基礎学力の高さ、豊富な個人金融資産、社会の安定、豊かな自然などの多くの面で、国際的に見ても恵まれたものを作りあげてきました。こうした強みを活かしながら構造改革を進めていけば、未来の生活の展望は自ずと拓けるに違いありません。

 

読者からの投稿 4(Lucca, 20 February 16

 

Think about our Future Life (3)

 

You may be convinced that you never know how your future life looks like. Or you may believe that you can never achieve a life that you have in mind. That could be true in many cases. However you can not change anything if you do not try to make a step forward.

 

In the current society, "structural reform" is an essential requirement. In addition, you should have a vision on the future beyond the structural reform. The government, private companies and yourself have to address a number of social issues. They need to reform the regulation and systems, to resolve bad debts, and to review the financial and social security system. Everyone must work together to achieve a better future.

 

Japan has developed an infrastructure. Such infrastructure includes high basic academic skills, a large amount of private financial assets, social stability and rich nature. As these assets give you significant advantage, you have a great potential to enjoy a bright future.

 

添削

 

Think about our Future Life (3)

 

You may be convinced that you never know how your future life will looks like. Or you may believe that you can never achieve a life that you have in mind. That could be true in many cases. However you can not change anything if you do not try to make a step forward.

 

In the current society, "structural reform" is an essential requirement. In addition, you should have a vision on the future beyond the structural reform. The government, private companies and yourself have to address a number of social issues. We1 They need to reform the regulation and systems, to resolve bad debts, and to review the financial and social security system. Everyone must work together to achieve a better future.

 

Japan has developed an a solid social infrastructure. This Such infrastructure includes a high level of basic academic skills, a large amount of private financial assets, social stability and the rich nature. As these assets give us you a significant advantage, we you have a great potential to enjoy a bright future.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。わかりやすい文章です。

 

1.       前の文に含まれる政府、会社、個人全部をweとしたほうが、内容を身近に感じさせます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Think about our Future Life (3)

 

You may be convinced that you never know how your future life will look like. Or you may believe that you can never achieve a life that you have in mind. That could be true in many cases. However you can not change anything if you do not try to make a step forward.

 

In the current society, "structural reform" is an essential requirement. In addition, you should have a vision on the future beyond the structural reform. The government, private companies and yourself have to address a number of social issues. We need to reform the regulation and systems, to resolve bad debts, and to review the financial and social security system. Everyone must work together to achieve a better future.

 

Japan has developed a solid social infrastructure. This infrastructure includes a high level of basic academic skills, a large amount of private financial assets, social stability and the rich nature. As these assets give us a significant advantage, we have a great potential to enjoy a bright future.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 5 June 08

 

"Think about our future life (3)"

 

You may say, "We don't know what will happen in the future," or "Things don't go as planned." It may be true, but nothing will change unless we try to change.

 

Besides, the government and corporations need to change themselves, too. To keep up with changes in society, the government should revise its out-of-date regulations and pursue reforms in its financial and social security programs while corporations should hasten to write off bad loans.

 

We should envision how we want to live in a new society in which those reforms are completed. And we should try to make it come true. So far, we have achieved high academic standards and a high level of personal savings and created a stable society blessed with a rich natural environment. This is what we should be proud to show off to the rest of the world.

 

Making the most of these advantages, we should continue to try to change. By doing this, we can brighten the prospects for our future life.

 

添削

 

"Think about our future life (3)"

 

You may say, "We don't know what will happen in the future," or "Things don't go as they are planned1." You could be right2 It may be true, but nothing will change unless we try to change it.

 

Besides, the government and corporations need to change themselves, too. To keep up with changes in society, the government should revise its out-of-date regulations and pursue reforms in its financial and social security programs while corporations should hasten to write off bad loans.

 

We should envision how we want to live in a new society in which those reforms are completed. And we should try to make it come true. So far, we have achieved a high academic standards3 and a high level of personal savings and created a stable society blessed with a rich natural environment. This is what we should be proud to show off to the rest of the world.

 

Making the most of these advantages, we should continue to try to change. By doing this so, we can brighten the prospects for our future life.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。日本文の内容をpersuasiveな英文で表現しています。段落も適切で文章が読みやすくなっています。

 

1.       こうしたほうが文のリズムがよいと思います。口語体の文はあまり短くせずに文のリズムを考えて構成するとよいでしょう。

 

2.       前の文に二つのことが述べてあるので、itより話者を指してyou could be rightとしたほうが効果的でしょう。

 

3.       いろいろな標準があるでしょうが、ここでは学力一般としてa high academic standardでよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Think about our future life (3)"

 

You may say, "We don't know what will happen in the future," or "Things don't go as they are planned." You could be right, but nothing will change unless we try to change it.

 

Besides, the government and corporations need to change themselves, too. To keep up with changes in society, the government should revise its out-of-date regulations and pursue reforms in its financial and social security programs while corporations should hasten to write off bad loans.

 

We should envision how we want to live in a new society in which those reforms are completed. And we should try to make it come true. So far, we have achieved a high academic standard3 and a high level of personal saving and created a stable society blessed with a rich natural environment. This is what we should be proud to show off to the rest of the world.

 

Making the most of these advantages, we should continue to try to change. By doing so, we can brighten the prospects for our future life.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(rikarika, 7 November 07

 

Let's think about our future lifestyle (3)

 

You may think that "no one knows about future life" or "however thoroughly consider one does, it will not come true." This is true. However, nothing will change if you just stand still. Nowadays, change, so called "Structural Improvement," is required to government, companies and even us.

 

Isn't it very important to imagine what kind of future life, which comes after structural improvement, such as improvement of deregulation system, expedition of bad debt cleanup and review of public finance and social security system, we want, and then challenge all together for the realization of the plan? We have been establishing internationally advantaged elements, such as high basic scholarship, plentiful private financial assets, social stability and rich natural environment. Once we proceed structural improvement by exploiting these advantages, future perspective will be revealed automatically.

 

添削

 

Let's think about our future lifestyle (3)

 

You may say , think that "We never no one knows about our future life1," or "hHowever thoroughly we plan our future life consider one does, we it will not be able to make it come true." This is true. However, nothing will change if you just stand still. Nowadays, a fundamental change, so called "Sstructural Iimprovement," is required for to government, and companies, and even for ourselves2 us.

 

Isn't it very important to imagine what kind of future life we want, which comes after the period of structural improvement is over?3, When this period is over, we will find ourselves in the world where such as improvement of deregulation is completed, system, expedition of bad debts are cleaned up and review of the public finance and social security system is revised4., we want, and tThen, we can all together challenge all together for the realization of our the plan for a better future life.? We have to remind ourselves5 that we have several advantages over other nations been establishing internationally advantaged elements, such as a high level of basic education scholarship, plentiful private financial assets, social stability, and the rich natural environment. Once we proceed the structural improvement by exploiting these advantages, we6 can eventually open our new future perspectives for the future will be revealed automatically

.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容はわかりますが、たくさんのアイデアが入った文章なので、一読で内容の総てがわかるとは言えません。これは日本文の内容自体が大まかな議論であることが一因です。このような内容を英文で表現するときは、一つ一つを丁寧に説明する必要があります。

 

1.       引用句にしたので、問題が身近になってよいですね。You may sayと文を始めたので、これに対応してwe never ~とするとよいでしょう。

 

2.       for government and companiesを一対にして、コンマで間を置いてから、and for ourselvesとするとここが強調されます。

 

3.       長い文なので、最後のくるまで?が出てきません。ここで一度文を終了して、構造改革の諸点を次の文で説明するとよいでしょう。

 

4.       構造改革の諸点は名詞形ではなくて、添削のようにすると読みやすくなります。

 

5.       ここで視点が変わり日本の利点を述べるので、We have to remind ourselves that ~というような節をいれると、視点が変わったことがわかり、文が読みやすくなります。

 

6.       ここは文の前半と同じweを主語にすると、文の視点が同じになって読みやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Let's think about our future lifestyle (3)

 

You may say, "We never know about our future life," or "However thoroughly we plan our future life, we will not be able to make it come true." This is true. However, nothing will change if you just stand still. Nowadays, a fundamental change, so called "structural improvement," is required for government and companies, and even for ourselves.

 

Isn't it very important to imagine what kind of future life we want after the period of structural improvement is over? When this period is over, we will find ourselves in the world where  deregulation is completed, bad debts are cleaned up and the public finance and social security system is revised. Then, we can all together challenge the realization of our plan for a better future life. We have to remind ourselves that we have several advantages over other nations such as a high level of basic education, plentiful private financial assets, social stability, and the rich natural environment. Once we proceed the structural improvement by exploiting these advantages, we can eventually open our new perspectives for the future

 

 

読者の投稿 1(NOMU, 29 Oct 03

 

“Thinking about our Future (3)”

 

You may think, "No one can tell what will happen to our life in the future. "or "However hard your may think, there is no way of influencing it." You are right about that. However, as long as you halt, nothing will change. What is needed now is a change called structural reform of the government, companies and ourselves. I believe that what's important is ; first visualize the future which we would like to have when some structural reforms have completed such as the reform of regulations, speedy disposal of bad loans and review on the financial and the social security systems. And then make effort to realize our visions together. We have established one of the best environments in the world including the basic education of high standard, affluent private properties, the stable society and abundant nature. If we implement structural reforms making the most of these good envionments, the prospect of our future must develop of itself.

 

添削

 

“Thinking about our Future (3)”

 

You may think, "No one can tell what will happen to our life in the future, . "or "However hard you may we1 think about our future, there is no way of influencing it." You are could be2 right about that. However, as long as you halt unless you take some action3, nothing will change. What is needed now is a change called structural reform of the for government, companies and ourselves.

 

I believe that what's important for us now is are ;: first, visualize the future which we would like to have when some the structural reforms have will be completed such as the reform of regulations, speedy disposal of bad loans and review on of the financial and the social security systems programs., and second4,  And then make effort to realize our visions together.

 

In the past, Wwe have could5 established one of the best economic and social environments in the world, including the basic education of a high standard, affluent rich private properties personal savings, the stable society and abundant nature a rich natural environment. If we implement the structural reforms by making the most of these good envionments,strengths, we can surely explore new prospects for our future6.the prospect of our future must develop of itself.

 

コメント

 

日本文の最初の部分をNOMUさんはYou may thinkYouを主語にして読者の注意をよぶような書き出しにしています。また、文章を通じてWeが主体になっているので内容を身近に感じられるようになっています。

 

1.       「未来の生活なんて誰にもわからない」、「いくら考えてもそのとおりになるはずがない」と誰かが言ったようになっているので、You may sayと始めることも出来ます。のところはWeにしたほうが当事者の言葉の引用にはよいでしょう。

 

2.       Could be と表現を少し柔らかくしました。

 

3.       同じ内容ですが表現を積極的にしました。こうすると次のnothing will changeが生きてきます。

 

4.       Firstがあるので文を並列構造にするためにsecondにしました。

 

5.       「過去に優れた環境を作り上げられたのだから、未来だって〜」という意味を強調するためにIn the past, we could establish ~としました。Couldがあるのでhave established より文に動きがあるようになります。

 

6.       「未来の生活の展望は自ずと拓ける」は添削のようにWeを主語にしたほうが文が能動的になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Thinking about our Future (3)”

 

You may think, "No one can tell what will happen to our life in the future," or "However hard we think about our future, there is no way of influencing it." You could be right about that. However, unless you take some action, nothing will change. What is needed now is structural reform for government, companies and ourselves.

 

I believe that what's important for us now are: first, visualize the future which we would like to have when the structural reform will be completed such as the reform of regulations, speedy disposal of bad loans and review of the financial and the social security programs, and second, make effort to realize our visions together.

 

In the past, we could establish one of the best economic and social environment in the world, including basic education of a high standard, rich personal savings, stable society and a rich natural environment. If we implement the structural reform by making the most of these strengths, we can surely explore new prospects for our future.

 

 

練習問題 15 「未来の生活について考えよう(4)」

 

夢の実現に向けて挑戦するには、その前提としてある程度の安心が確保されていなければなりません。安心は何から得られるのでしょうか?治安や防災、食の安全、雇用 確保、最低限度の生活保障、病気になったときの医療費や老後の生活への備えなど、いわゆるセーフティ・ネット(安全網)が必要であることは言うまでもありません。 また、これからの時代は、仕事や趣味にチャレンジすることが生きがいの源になります。ですから、「やり直しがきく」ことがセーフティ・ネットとしてますます重要に なると思います。失敗したときに何度でもチャレンジでき、生き方を変えることができる柔軟性があること、それが人々のチャレンジを促すのではないでしょうか。    

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Lucca, 8 March 16

 

Think about our Future Life (4)

 

Establishing a society with the sufficient social safety net is a precondition to enable people to archive their dreams. What is needed as the social safety net? The social safety net should include securing public order, preventing disasters, food safety, programs against unemployment, guarantee of the minimum standard of living, health care and pension for elderly people.

 

In the coming era, trying various jobs or hobbies is the main purpose to live a meaningful life. In doing so, the social safety net plays an important role. Even when we are not successful in our challenge, the society will support our flexible life styles and provide us with the opportunity to try as many times as we want. This means that we are able to change our life style whenever we want. The capability of the society to provide flexible assistances allows us to keep on trying new challenges.

 

添削

 

Think about our Future Life (4)

 

Establishing a society with the sufficient social safety net is a precondition to enable people to archive their dreams. What is needed as for the social safety net? The social safety net should include means for1 securing public order, preventing disasters, keeping food safety, protecting programs against unemployment, and guaranteeing of the minimum standard of living, health care and pensions for elderly people.

 

In the coming era, trying various jobs or hobbies is will2 be the main purpose approach to live a meaningful life. In doing so, the social safety net will plays an important role. Even when we are not successful in our challenge, the society will support our flexible life styles and provide us with the opportunityies to try again as many times as we want. This means that we are able to change our life style whenever we want. The capability of the society to provide flexible assistances will allows us to keep on trying new challenges.

 

コメント

 

抽象的な語句が多くて本意のわかりにくい日本文を上手に読み解いています。こういう日本文は練習問題にはふさわしくないですね。しかし、こんな風な日本文はよく見かけます。そんな日本文を英訳する必要が出来た時の練習と考えてください。先ずは日本文の読解が必要です。大体、他人の書いた日本文の英訳で一番難しいのは、日本文の内容を把握することですね。これが、自分の考えたことを英文で表現することと、他人の書いた日本文を英文で表現することとの違いでしょう。そして、このような英文を書くためには、日本語の理解と英語の理解の両方が必要になります。この添削講座の一つの目的は、日本文の内容を理解、推測する態度を身につけることです。

 

1.       means for securing public orderという形を繰り返すとよいでしょう。

 

2.       In the coming eraですから、未来形にします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Think about our Future Life (4)

 

Establishing a society with the sufficient social safety net is a precondition to enable people to archive their dreams. What is needed for the social safety net? The social safety net should include means for securing public order, preventing disasters, keeping food safety, protecting against unemployment, and guaranteeing the minimum standard of living, health care and pensions for elderly people.

 

In the coming era, trying various jobs or hobbies will be the main approach to live a meaningful life. In doing so, the social safety net will play an important role. Even when we are not successful in our challenge, the society will support our flexible life styles and provide us with opportunities to try again as many times as we want. This means that we are able to change our life style whenever we want. The capability of the society to provide flexible assistances will allow us to keep on trying new challenges.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(Kalo, 9 June 08

 

"Think about our future life (4)"

 

We don't feel safe enough to pursue a dream if there is no support at all in case of failure. So, what support do we need? Surely, we need safety nets or social programs to prevent us from falling into poverty.

 

Such safety nets include measures to ensure public security, food security and disaster prevention as well as minimum welfare benefits, medical care, job security and social security for the elderly.

 

More importantly, we need a safety net to allow us to start over in life. This is because the time will come when a key to a successful life is to find a job or a hobby that you enjoy. Even if you feel you are not enjoying your job or hobby, you can still keep trying to find another one. Such flexible approach to life motivates us to try new things. 

 

添削

 

"Think about our future life (4)"

 

We don't feel safe enough to pursue a dream if there is no support at all in case of failure1. So, what support do we need? Surely, we need safety nets or social programs to prevent us from falling into poverty.

 

Such safety nets include measures to ensure public security, food security and disaster prevention as well as minimum welfare benefits, medical care, job security and social security for the elderly2.

 

More importantly, we need a these safety nets3 to allow us to start our over in life all over again . This is because the time will come when a the key to a successful life is to find a job or a hobby that we4 you enjoy. Even if we fail to realize one ideal job or hobby5 you feel you are not enjoying your job or hobby, we you can still keep trying to find another one. Such a flexible approach to life will motivates us to keep trying new things. 

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。

 

1.       We don't feel safe enough to pursue a dream if there is no support at all in case of failure.は日本語の内容を上手にまとめていますね。ただ、一般的に言って、否定形の文は肯定形の文より内容の理解が難しくなります。We feel safe enough to pursuer a dream when there is a support system in case of failure.と較べてください。

 

2.       幾つもの名詞をas well asを間にいれて二つのグループにしてありますね。名詞の羅列をわかりやすくするために良い工夫だと思います。I think that such safety nets should include: (1) measures to ensure public safety, (2) ~, and (3) ~.と番号を振る方法もありますが、印象が硬くなりますね。

 

3.       前の段落と関連させたほうがよいでしょう。

 

4.       we need ~と始めたの、ここもweがよいでしょう。

 

5.       文脈から判断すると単に、もっと好きな仕事を探す、というより一つの理想の仕事に失敗してもまた探す、という感じだと思いますが、どうでしょうか。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Think about our future life (4)"

 

We don't feel safe enough to pursue a dream if there is no support at all in case of failure. So, what support do we need? Surely, we need safety nets or social programs to prevent us from falling into poverty.

 

Such safety nets include measures to ensure public security, food security and disaster prevention as well as minimum welfare benefits, medical care, job security and social security for the elderly.

 

More importantly, we need these safety nets to allow us to start our life all over again. This is because the time will come when the key to a successful life is to find a job or a hobby that we enjoy. Even if we fail to realize one ideal job or hobby, we can still keep trying to find another one. Such a flexible approach to life will motivates us to keep trying new things. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(NOMU, 31 Oct 03

 

“Thinking about our Future (4)”

 

We can try to realize our dreams only when we feel secure about our life. Then how can we have the sense of security? Of course, we need "the safety net" including low crime rate, disaster preventive measures, safe food, job security, the minimum standard of life, medical fee, preparation for our retired lives. But I would like to add "chance to start again" to "the safety net" as an important element. We are going to feel more fulfillment by devoting ourselves in work and hobbies in our lives now and future. Even if we fail , we can try again and again. We can change our course of life any time. This flexibility in the society must encourage people to keep trying. 

 

添削

 

“Thinking about our Future (4)”

 

We can try to realize our dreams only when we feel secure about our life1. Then how can we have the get a sense of security? Of course, we need "the social safety nets2" including low crime rate public security programs, disaster preventive measures, safe food safety programs, job security employment programs, the minimum standard of life a minimum income guarantee program, medical fee, preparation for our retired lives and health care and pension programs for seniors. But Moreover3, I would like to add one more important element, that is, "society that gives us chance to start again4." to "the safety net" as an important element. We are going to feel more fulfillment fulfilled by devoting ourselves in to work and hobbies in our lives now and future. Even if we fail , If we can try challenging new things again and again even after we fail several times, . we feel confident that  We we can change our course of life any time5. This flexibility in the society must encourage people to keep trying new challenges. 

 

コメント

 

1.       「夢の実現に向けて挑戦するには、その前提としてある程度の安心が確保されていなければなりません。」をNOMUさんはWe can try to realize our dreams only when we feel secure about our life.と表現しています。日本文の構造に引きづられると、To challenge our dreams, we must feel confident about our basic security of life.というようになりますが、NOMUさんの表現のほうがわかりやすいですね。「このプロジェクトは成功するには君の助力が欠かせない。」I will succeed in this project only when you can help me.のように応用の広い文型です。

 

2.       セーフティーネットは通常複数で使います。加算名詞なのセーフティーネットの内容は添削のように具体的なプログラムになります。次のように一般的に表現することも出来ます。We need a social safety net system for public security, disaster prevention, food safety, employment security, minimum income guarantee, and health care and social security for seniors.

 

3.       日本語では「しかし、もう一つ欠かせないものがある。」となり、「しかし」は英文のbutになるようにみえますが、内容を見ると前の事柄に肯定的に追加するのものなのでmoreoverになります。

 

4.       内容の説明を補足しました。

 

5.       文と文の内容のつながりを良くするために、文をつなげて内容の順序を変えました。日本文がいくつかの事柄をならべてあるときは、日本文の事柄の順序を整理して英文で書き直すと平易になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Thinking about our Future (4)”

 

We can try to realize our dreams only when we feel secure about our life. Then how can we get a sense of security? Of course, we need "social safety nets" including  public security programs, disaster preventive measures, food safety programs, employment programs, a minimum income guarantee program, and health care and pension programs for seniors. Moreover, I would like to add one more important element, that is, "society that gives us chance to start again." We are going to feel more fulfilled by devoting ourselves to work and hobbies in our lives. If we can try challenging new things again and again even after we fail several times, we feel confident that we can change our course of life any time. This flexibility in society must encourage people to keep trying new challenges.