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上級練習問題の添削 6−10

 

練習問題 6 「教育の役割(30 Oct 02) (11 Nov 03) (14 April 05) (20 July 07) (28 Feb 08)

                                              (17 Sept 08) (4 Aug 13)

練習問題 7 「先送りの罪悪」(30 Oct 02) (22 July 07) (14 Feb 08) (30 Aug 13)

練習問題 8 「日本人の将来」(22 Nov 02) (28 Oct 03) (23 Oct 07) (21 Feb 08) (18 Apr 10)

練習問題 9 「情報活用能力(22 Nov 02) (2 Nov 03) (14 April 05) (23 Feb 08)

練習問題 10 「資格獲得ブーム(01 Dec 02) (27 Feb 07) (26 Oct 07) (24 Feb 08)

 

練習問題 6 「教育の役割」  

 

教育の役割は大きく分けて三つあります。一つは今まで人間が蓄えてきた知識を効率的に、体系的に教授すること。二つめは新しい知識を自分で得る方法を教えること。そして三つめは自分の考えをまとめて発信する方法を練習することです。従来の日本の教育は一番目の目的を強調して、2番目と3番目の目的にはあまり注意を払いませんでした。これでは教育として十分な役割を果たしてきたとは言えません。

 

現代では知識の深さ及び広がりがすべての分野で加速しています。このような社会では一人でいろいろな分野の新しい知識を理解するは不可能です。自分の知識を他の人に発信し、他の人から新しい知識を体系的に取り入れることが必要になります。これからの教育は、このようなことを各個人が出来るような基礎を作ることを目標にするべきです。

 

読者からの投稿 7(mxtomi, 4 August 13

 

"Roles of Education”

 

Education has three major roles. The first role is to efficiently and systematically hand on to students the knowledge which human-beings have accumulated over the years. The second role is to teach the students how to gain new knowledge on their own. The last one is to let them practice how to organize and communicate their thoughts. Traditionally, Japanese education has placed too much emphasis on the first role with less attention given to the second and the third roles. Such being the situation, the education has not fully performed its role. 

 

Today, breadth and depth of the knowledge base is increasing at an increasing rate in any field of endeavor, making it impossible for a single person alone to acquire new knowledge from a wide variety of fields. Accordingly, people are required to transfer their knowledge to other people and in turn to absorb new knowledge from them in a systematic manner. New education should set its goal to provide individual people with a solid foundation that enables such systematical knowledge transfer among them.

 

添削

 

"Roles of Education”

 

Education has three major roles. The first role is to efficiently and systematically hand on over to students the knowledge which human- beings have accumulated over the years. The second role is to teach the students how to gain new knowledge on their own. The last one is to let them practice how to organize and communicate their thoughts. Traditionally, Japanese education has placed too much emphasis on the first role with less attention given to the second and the third roles. Such being the situation, the education has not fully performed its role. 

 

Today, the breadth and depth of the knowledge base is increasing at an increasing rate in any field of endeavor, making it impossible for a single person alone to acquire new knowledge from a wide variety of fields. Accordingly, people are required to transfer their knowledge to other people and in turn to absorb new knowledge from others them in a systematic manner. New education should set its goal to provide individual people with a solid foundation that enables them1 such systematical knowledge transfer knowledge systematically among them.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

1.       人間を文にいれたほうが具体的に身近になります。

 

添削後文章

 

"Roles of Education”

 

Education has three major roles. The first role is to efficiently and systematically hand over to students the knowledge which human beings have accumulated over the years. The second role is to teach the students how to gain new knowledge on their own. The last one is to let them practice how to organize and communicate their thoughts. Traditionally, Japanese education has placed too much emphasis on the first role with less attention given to the second and the third roles. Such being the situation, education has not fully performed its role. 

 

Today, the breadth and depth of knowledge is increasing at an increasing rate in any field of endeavor, making it impossible for a single person alone to acquire new knowledge from a wide variety of fields. Accordingly, people are required to transfer their knowledge to other people and in turn to absorb new knowledge from others in a systematic manner. New education should set its goal to provide individual people with a solid foundation that enables them transfer knowledge systematically.

 

 

読者からの投稿 6(P&Q, 17 Sept 08

 

"Roles of Education"

 

Roles of Education are divided roughly into three groups:

 

1) Role to teach students knowledge, which human beings have gained, efficiently and systematically.

2) Role to teach them ways to gain knowledge on their own.

3) Role to exercise them in sending their own opinions.

 

Traditional education of Japan has emphasized the first role in three and hasn’t quite regarded the other two roles. This situation doesn’t imply that education of Japan has functioned sufficiently.

 

Nowadays, knowledge of all fields is deepening and expanding quickly. And it is impossible for us to grasp new knowledge of various fields alone. So, we must send our knowledge to others and gain new knowledge from others systematically. It should be goal in education of Japan that everyone gains basic ability to fulfill the need of today.

 

添削

 

"Roles of Education"

 

The Rroles of Eeducation can be roughly are divided roughly into the following three groups:

 

1) Role to teach students efficiently and systematically knowledge, which that human beings have gained, efficiently and systematically.,

2) Role to teach them students ways to gain knowledge on their own., and

3) Role to let students exercise practice how to put their thought together and communicate it to others them in sending their own opinions1.

 

Traditional education of in Japan has emphasized the first role in three and hasn’t quite regarded paid attention to the other two roles2. This situation doesn’t implyies that education of in Japan has not satisfactorily functioned sufficiently3.

 

Nowadays, knowledge of all fields is deepening and expanding quickly in all fields and.  And it is impossible for each one of us to grasp new knowledge of various fields alone. So, we must send our knowledge to others and gain new knowledge from others systematically. It should be the goal in for education of in Japan that everyone gains learns the basic ability to fulfill the need do so of today.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、わからない部分があります。

 

1.       Role to exercise them in sending their own opinions は短くて内容がはっきりしません。

 

2.       hasn’t quite regarded the other two roles important としないと文になりません。

 

3.       This situation doesn’t imply that education of Japan has functioned sufficiently.と主文に否定形があると内容がわかりにくくなります。このような主文は内容的にはおまけなので、従属文の内容をわかりやすくするとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Roles of Education"

 

The roles of education can be roughly divided roughly into the following three groups:

 

1) to teach students efficiently and systematically knowledge that human beings have gained,

2) to teach students ways to gain knowledge on their own, and

3) to let students practice how to put their thought together and communicate it to others.

 

Traditional education in Japan has emphasized the first role and hasn’t quite paid attention to the other two roles. This situation implies that education in Japan has not satisfactorily functioned.

 

Nowadays, knowledge is deepening and expanding quickly in all fields and it is impossible for each one of us to grasp new knowledge of various fields alone. So, we must send our knowledge to others and gain new knowledge from others systematically. It should be the goal for education in Japan that everyone learns the basic ability to do so.

 

 

読者からの投稿 5(Kalo, 27 February 08

 

"Roles of Education"

 

Education has three major roles. The first role is to pass on accumulated knowledge effectively and systematically, the second is to teach how to acquire new knowledge by ourselves and the third is to teach how to express ideas in an organized way.

 

So far, the education system in Japan has placed strong emphasis on the first role but paid little attention to the second and third ones. This means that the education system hasn't functioned adequately.

 

Today, knowledge is becoming more specialized and diverse, so that we cannot acquire new knowledge from wide-ranging sources by ourselves. What we need most now is to learn how to systematically acquire new knowledge from others and how to easily convey our knowledge to others.

 

The education system in Japan should shift its emphasis to encouraging an individual to develop these skills on his own.

 

添削

 

"Roles of Education"

 

Education has three major roles. The first role is to pass on accumulated knowledge effectively and systematically to the next generations, the second is to teach students1 how to acquire new knowledge by ourselves themselves and the third is to teach them how to express their ideas in an organized way.

 

So far, the education system in Japan has placed strong emphasis on the first role but paid little attention to the second and third ones. This means that the education system hasn't functioned adequately.

 

Today, knowledge is becoming more specialized and diverse, so that we cannot acquire new knowledge from wide-ranging sources by ourselves. What we need most now is to learn how to systematically acquire new knowledge from others and how to easily convey our knowledge to others.

 

The education system in Japan should shift its emphasis to encouraginge students an individual to develop these skills on his their own.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。段落構成も適切ですね。

 

1.       教育なのでstudentsで統一すると表現がやさしくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Roles of Education"

 

Education has three major roles. The first role is to pass accumulated knowledge effectively and systematically to the next generations, the second is to teach students how to acquire new knowledge by themselves and the third is to teach them how to express their ideas in an organized way.

 

So far, the education system in Japan has placed strong emphasis on the first role but paid little attention to the second and third ones. This means that the education system hasn't functioned adequately.

 

Today, knowledge is becoming more specialized and diverse, so that we cannot acquire new knowledge from wide-ranging sources by ourselves. What we need most now is to learn how to systematically acquire new knowledge from others and how to easily convey our knowledge to others.

 

The education system in Japan should shift its emphasis to encourage students  to develop these skills on their own.

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(rikarika, 20 July 07

 

There are three main roles of education. The first one is teaching knowledge what people have accumulated efficiently and systematically. The second one is teaching the way to learn new knowledge by themselves. The last one is practicing the way to summarize and disseminate own thought. It used to be that the Japanese education only put strength on the first role and didn't pay so much of attention on the second and the third roles. I wouldn't be able to say that had played enough roles as education.

 

These days, the depth and wideness of knowledge is getting accelerated more and more in everywhere. In this kind of society, it is difficult for one people to understand new knowledge from various kinds of area. Disseminating own knowledge to other people and systematically receiving new knowledge from other people are required. In the future education, we should aim to form foundation that each person will be able do them.

 

添削

 

The Goals of Future Education

 

There are three main roles goals of for education. The first one is teaching knowledge what that people have accumulated efficiently and systematically. The second one is teaching the way to learn new knowledge by themselves. The last one is practicing teaching the way to summarize our and disseminate own thought and disseminate it to others1. It used to be thatTraditionally2, the Japanese education system only puts strength only on the first role goal and didn't pay little so much of attention on to the second and the third roles goal3. I wouldn't be able to say that had played enough roles as education.In short, the Japanese education system does not try to achieve the three goals for education.4

 

These days, the depth and wideness of knowledge is getting increasing at an accelerateding rate in every field of specialty more and more in everywhere. In such a this kind of society, it is difficult for one people person to understand new knowledge from in various kinds of areas of specialties. Now Ddisseminating our own knowledge to other people and systematically receiving new knowledge from other people are is5 required. In the future education, we should aim to at enabling form foundation that each every person will be able to do them this.

 

コメント

 

1.       二つの行為に分けて表現するとわかりやすくなります。

 

2.       「従来の日本の教育は」とありますが、これは「従来はこうであったが、現在は違う」という意味ではなく、「伝統的にこうであり、現在でもこれは続いている」という意味でしょう。日本の教育問題はいろいろな面から議論されていますが、私は事柄を正確に記述する為の日本語の作文教育の不備を強く感じます。

 

3.       the second (goal) and the third goal の省略なので単数形にします。

 

4.       ここはこの人の結論なので直裁に英文で表現するとよいでしょう。

 

5.       二つの密接に関連した動作を一つのものと見なして単数形で表現します。単数形にすることによって二つの動作は密接に関連したものである、ということがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Goals of Future Education

 

There are three main goals for education. The first one is teaching knowledge that people have accumulated efficiently and systematically. The second one is teaching the way to learn new knowledge by themselves. The last one is teaching the way to summarize our own thought and disseminate it to others. Traditionally, the Japanese education system puts strength only on the first goal and pay little attention to the second and the third goal. In short, the Japanese education system does not try to achieve the three goals for education.

 

These days, the depth and wideness of knowledge is increasing at an accelerating rate in every field of specialty. In such a society, it is difficult for one person to understand new knowledge in various areas of specialties. Now disseminating our own knowledge to other people and systematically receiving new knowledge from other people is required. In the future education, we should aim at enabling every person to do this.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(かっぱん、14 April 05

 

The Roles of Education

 

Education has three primary roles. First, it imparts the knowledge that human has accumulated to students effectively and systematically. Second, it develops students’ ability to obtain new knowledge on their own. Third, it trains up students so that they can form ideas clearly and send them to the other. Traditionally, education system in Japan has put emphasis on the first role, but paid rather little attention to the second and the third roles. This means that Japanese education system has failed to fulfill its responsibility. Today, knowledge is spreading widely and deeply at unprecedented pace. In such society, we cannot understand all of new knowledge of various fields by our own. This means that we have to pass our knowledge to the others and take in new knowledge from others. Thus Japanese education system should put more emphasis on laying foundation for the ability that needed for such kind of intellectual interaction.

 

添削

 

The Roles of Education

 

Education has three primary roles.: First, it imparts the knowledge that human has we have1 accumulated to students effectively and systematically;. Second, it develops students’ ability to obtain new knowledge on their own.; Third, it trains up students so that they can form ideas clearly and send them to the others. Traditionally, education system in Japan has put emphasis on the first role, but paid rather little attention to the second and the third roles. This means that the Japanese education system has failed to fulfill its responsibility.

 

Today, knowledge is spreading widely and deeply at an unprecedented pace. In such society, we cannot understand all of new knowledge of in various fields by our own efforts. This means that we have to pass our knowledge to the others and take in new knowledge from others them. Thus the Japanese education system should put more emphasis on laying the foundation for the ability that is needed for such kinds of intellectual interactions.

 

コメント

 

1.       日本文の内容が論理的に構成されているので、英文では日本文の内容を追っていけば論理的な構成になりますね。

 

2.       Humans animalsとの対比で使うことが多いので、ここではwe としたほうが内容がっ具体的になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

The Roles of Education

 

Education has three primary roles: First, it imparts the knowledge that we have accumulated to students effectively and systematically; Second, it develops students’ ability to obtain new knowledge on their own; Third, it trains students so that they can form ideas clearly and send them to others. Traditionally, education system in Japan has put emphasis on the first role but paid rather little attention to the second and the third roles. This means that the Japanese education system has failed to fulfill its responsibility.

 

Today, knowledge is spreading widely and deeply at an unprecedented pace. In such society, we cannot understand all of new knowledge in various fields by our own efforts. This means that we have to pass our knowledge to others and take in new knowledge from  them. Thus the Japanese education system should put more emphasis on laying the foundation for the ability that is needed for such kinds of intellectual interactions.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(NOMU, 8 Nov 03

 

"The Role Of Education"

 

Generally speaking, education has three roles. First, to impart knowledge that mankind has stored up for ages to students efficiently and systematically. Second, to teach students the way to gain new knowledge for themselves. Third, to train students to form their ideas and address them. Traditionally, the Japanese education has emphasized the first one but paid less attention to the rest. In this regard, the Japanese education has failed to fulfill its responsibility. In the modern society, knowledge is spreading widely and deeply at an accelerated pace in every field. It's impossible to understand new knowledge of various fields all by ourselves. What's necessary now are to pass our knowledge to others and to take in new knowledge from others systematically. From now on the Japanese education should aim at building a base where each person can deal with knowledge in this efficient manner. 

 

添削

 

"The Roles Of Education"

 

Generally speaking, education has three roles. First, to impart knowledge that mankind has stored up for ages to students efficiently and systematically. Second, to teach students the way to gain new knowledge for themselves. Third, to train students to form their own ideas and address pass them to others1. Traditionally, the Japanese education system has emphasized the first one role but paid less attention to the rest. In this regard, the Japanese education it has failed to fulfill its responsibility. In the modern society, knowledge is spreading widely and deeply at an accelerated pace in every field. It's impossible to understand new knowledge of various fields all by ourselves. What's necessary now are to pass our knowledge to others and to take in new knowledge from others systematically. From now on the Japanese education system should aim at building helping students build2 an intellectual base where by which each person they can deal with knowledge in this efficient manner. 

 

コメント

 

1.       First to do ~. Second to do ~. Third to do ~という並列構造の使い方がとてもよいですね。

 

2.       日本文の内容はこのようなことだと思います。

 

添削後の文章

 

"The Roles Of Education"

 

Generally speaking, education has three roles. First, to impart knowledge that mankind has stored up for ages to students efficiently and systematically. Second, to teach students the way to gain new knowledge for themselves. Third, to train students to form their own ideas and pass them to others. Traditionally, Japanese education system has emphasized the first role but paid less attention to the rest. In this regard, it has failed to fulfill its responsibility. In the modern society, knowledge is spreading widely and deeply at an accelerated pace in every field. It's impossible to understand new knowledge of various fields all by ourselves. What's necessary now are to pass our knowledge to others and to take in new knowledge from others systematically. From now on Japanese education system should aim at helping students build an intellectual base by which they can deal with knowledge in this efficient manner. 

 

 

読者からの投稿 1 (Kei, 30 Oct 02

 

“Goals of Future Education”

 

Education has three major goals: First, it passes knowledge we have accumulated down to next generations; second, it teaches students how to get knowledge; and third, it trains students how to put their thought together and communicate it to others. In the traditional Japanese education program, we emphasized the first goal but paid little attention to the second and third goals. As a result, education in Japan could not quite achieve its goals.

 

 

In modern society, we are gaining wider and deeper knowledge in every field of specialty at an accelerating speed. In such society, we can only understand a small portion of new knowledge. This means that we must learn new knowledge from each other systematically. We must change education so that it can train us to be able to engage in such mutual exchange of new knowledge.

 

添削

 

The Goals of Future Education”

 

Education has three major goals;:1 Ffirst, it passes the knowledge we have accumulated down to the next generations;, second, it teaches students how to get knowledge,; and third, it trains students how to put their thought together and communicate it to others. In the traditional Japanese education program system, we emphasized the first goal is2 emphasized but paid - little attention is paid to the second and third goals. As a result, education in Japan could does not quite achieve its –two of the three goals.

 

In modern society, we are gaining wider and deeper knowledge in every field of specialty at an a accelerating –greatly increasing speed rate. In such a society, we can only understand a small portion of new knowledge. This means that we must learn new knowledge from each other systematically. We must change the education system so that it can train us people to be able to- engage in such a mutual exchange of new knowledge-information.

 

コメント

 

日本語の原文は要旨が明確で良く整理してあります。Keiさんの投稿は原文に素直に英語で上手に表現してあります。英語で書く前に日本語で自分の言いたいことを良く整理しておくことが大切です。

 

1. コロン(:)をセミコロン(;)に置き換えました。コロンは箇条書きを始める前に良く使います。

 

I have two objections to your proposal:

1.     It costs us too much.

2.     It takes too much time.

 

上の英文では教育の三つの目的を順順に述べてEducation has three major goals.の説明をしていています。ピリオド(.)で止めて、新しくFirst, it passes~と文を始めるよりは、読者に前の文との連結を期待させます。このようなときには、セミコロンが良く使われます。(They include~)というようなつなぎの節がセミコロンの中に含まれているような感じになります。

 

「英語で書く基本が身につく本」の152ページで、セミコロンの使い方の説明を「文と文の間の接続詞を省略するとき、文と文の関係があまり密接でないときに、セミコロンを使います。」と書きましたが正確ではありませんでした。

 

次のように説明すべきでした。「二つの文を接続詞のand, or, but, yetで結ぶことが出来るときに、接続詞を省略して、セミコロン(;)を使うことがある。セミコロンはセミコロンの前後の文の内容が関係していることを示し、(1)接続詞で結ばれた元の文を二つの短い文に分けることで、文章を読みやすくする、(2)セミコロンの前後の文を対比させる、(3)セミコロンでセミコロンの前の文が後の文に続く感じを読者に起こして後の文を強調する、効果があります。」

 

コロン(:)の使い方には(1)コロンの前の文の例を挙げる、(2)コロンの前の文の内容を補足する、があります。コロンもコロンの前後の文に関係があることを示す印です。

 

コロンとセミコロンの使い分けは前後の文の密接度というよりは上に述べたような標準的な使い方を基準にするのが良いと思います。

 

次にワシントン・ポストの記事から探したセミコロンとコロンの用例を挙げておきます。新聞記事は小文で文章を構成して、読みやすさと文章のリズム感を作りますから、他の実務文に比べて、セミコロンとコロンが多用されています。

 

セミコロンの用例

 

Sixty percent of recent births are not fully healthy; 20 percent of first-graders are diagnosed with some mental retardation.

 

Violence, we want to say, is bad; violence triggered by group hatred is worse.

 

The debt is causing jitters among financial experts; Moody's Investors Service downgraded Japan's bond rating Friday because of concern over the debt.

 

They argue the project cannot simply be abandoned; the dikes must be opened by construction of bridges that allow the water to flow freely.

 

He cannot travel to Montreal to visit his children who are in school there; they come here.

 

A decade ago, roughly 200 nongovernmental organizations in Brazil had AIDS programs; today some 600 do.

 

But this surplus is a projection only; much of it is also an accounting illusion; and even if some of it materializes, the estimators warn it won't last.

 

We don't take orders from the IMF; we give them.

 

コロンの用例

 

Our report shows that we have the tools, the knowledge and the resources to cut smoking rates in half by the end of the decade. The question is: Do we have the will?

 

The plumber continued to move the flashlight beam around the well. And found the culprit: A big, fat snake was coiled inside the well, enjoying the tranquility of a cool haven--where the water was still and the pump was blessedly silent.

 

Put it this way: Eight years from now, would you rather have 24 percent more income, or 16 percent more income plus 16 more days off?

 

So here's the plan: if you are 35 years old, and you wonder where your benefits will come from when you are in your 70's, the answer is that although the Social Security trust fund will have disappeared by then.

 

They come for the same reason immigrants have always come: the chance to make more money than they could in Bangladesh or Ukraine or Ireland.

 

2. The first goalを主語にして強調しました。受動態になるので「受動態より能動態を使う」というプレイン・イングリッシュの原則から外れるようですが、この例のように主語を強調する場合には受動態のほうが能動態より良いときもあります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"The Goals of Future Education"

 

Education has three major goals; first, it passes the knowledge we have accumulated down to the next generations, second, it teaches students how to get knowledge, and third, it trains students how to put their thought together and communicate it to others. In the traditional Japanese education system, the first goal is emphasized but little attention is paid to the second and third goals. As a result, education in Japan does not quite achieve two of the three goals.

 

In modern society, we are gaining wider and deeper knowledge in every field of specialty at a greatly increasing rate. In such a society, we can only understand a small portion of new knowledge. This means that we must learn new knowledge from each other systematically. We must change the education system so that it can train people to engage in such a mutual exchange of new information.

 

 

 

練習問題 7 「先送りの罪悪」

 

日本企業の良くない習慣として、「結論の先送り」というものがある。結論を出すことで生じる軋轢を避けるがために、今ここにおいては曖昧な結論だけ出しておき、大きな結論は後進に任せるというものである。

 

毎日の新聞紙上を賑わしている事業リストラにおいて、この「結論の先送り」が目立つ。本来、清算あるいは売却すべき事業であるにもかかわらず、難しい意思決定をする勇気がないため(多くの場合先輩であるOBに気を使って)、せいぜい分社化でお茶を濁すような無難な意思決定に留めたりすることが多い。その結果、数年後には株主の圧力に耐えられなくなり、いよいよ売却することになるが、「もっと早く売却していればもっと好条件で売却できたのに」という結果になっている。

 

読者からの投稿 4(mxtomi, 30 August 13

 

"Negative Effects of Procrastination”

 

Japanese companies have a bad habit of procrastination. They often resort to makeshift settlements to avoid possible frictions from prompt decision-making, essentially leaving the fundamental resolution in younger hands. 

 

Lots of “Procrastination” is seen in the articles on the corporate downsizings now conspicuous in the newspapers. Some business segments of those reported companies should have been liquidated or sold earlier. Yet, they tend to opt for makeshift decisions like just separating those segments into subsidiaries rather than making a difficult decision outright. All too often, they are overly concerned about their predecessors who had long sustained those business segments.  A few years later however, yielding to increased pressure from shareholders, they end up with a disposal of those non-performing business segments, crying over better disposal proceeds forgone by their procrastination.

 

添削

 

"Negative Effects of Procrastination”

 

Japanese companies have a bad habit of procrastination. They often resort to makeshift settlements to avoid possible frictions from prompt decision-making, essentially leaving the fundamental resolution in younger hands.

 

Lots of “Pprocrastination” is seen in the articles on the corporate downsizings which are now conspicuous in the newspapers. Some business segments of those reported companies should have been liquidated or sold earlier. Yet, the companies they tend to opt for makeshift decisions like just separating those segments into subsidiaries rather than making a difficult decision outright. All too often, they are overly concerned about their predecessors who had long sustained those business segments.  A few years later however, yielding to increased pressure from shareholders, they end up with a disposal of those non-performing business segments anyway, crying over missed opportunities of getting better disposal proceeds forgone by their procrastination.

 

コメント

 

内容のすべてがわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Negative Effects of Procrastination”

 

Japanese companies have a bad habit of procrastination. They often resort to makeshift settlements to avoid possible frictions from prompt decision-making, essentially leaving the fundamental resolution in younger hands.

 

Lots of “procrastination” is seen in the articles on the corporate downsizing which are now conspicuous in the newspapers. Some business segments of those reported companies should have been liquidated or sold earlier. Yet, the companies tend to opt for makeshift decisions like just separating those segments into subsidiaries rather than making a difficult decision outright. All too often, they are overly concerned about their predecessors who had long sustained those business segments. A few years later however, yielding to increased pressure from shareholders, they end up with a disposal of those non-performing business segments anyway, crying over missed opportunities of getting better disposal proceeds by their procrastination.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(Kalo, 14 February 08

 

"Negative Effects of Delaying Important Decision on Business"

 

Japanese companies have an undesirable habit of delaying important decisions. To avoid conflicts caused by the decisions, they often make ambiguous decisions now and leave important ones to their juniors.

 

Now, stories about delaying important decisions are prominent in newspapers reporting restructuring companies. These companies should have liquidated or sold off their unprofitable divisions but couldn't take the courage to make this important decision. In many cases, they were concerned about former managers who were working in those divisions, so that they just split off them from their core business.

 

However, in a few years later, they ended up selling them due to mounting pressures from stockholders, saying that they could have sold them under more favorable conditions if they had made the decision at that time.

 

添削

 

"Negative Effects of Delaying Important Business Decision on Business"

 

Japanese companies have an undesirable habit of delaying important decisions. To avoid conflicts caused by the definite decisions, they Japanese managers often make ambiguous decisions now and leave important ones to future managers their juniors1.

 

Now, stories about delaying important decisions are prominent in newspapers reporting on restructuring of companies. These companies should have liquidated or sold off their unprofitable divisions but couldn't take the courage to make this important decision. In many cases, they were concerned about former managers who had started were working in those divisions, so that they just split them off them from their core business as their subsidiaries.

 

However, in a few years later, they ended up selling them due to mounting pressures from stockholders, saying that they could have sold them under more favorable conditions if they had made the decision at that time.

 

コメント

 

内容の総てがわかります。日本文は二つの段落ですが、英文は三つの段落にしてありわかりやすいですね。日本文は段落の感覚は乏しいですが、英文では読みやすさのために重要です。近年、報告文の段落は短くなる傾向があります。

 

1.       従来の年功序列の組織では、ある事業を成功させて現在は上役になっている先輩に気を使って、この事業がいまや重荷になっているのに止めることが出来ず、いずれ自分は昇進するので決定を次の責任者にまかせる、ということでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Negative Effects of Delaying Important Business Decision "

 

Japanese companies have an undesirable habit of delaying important decisions. To avoid conflicts caused by definite decisions, Japanese managers often make ambiguous decisions and leave important ones to future managers.

 

Now, stories about delaying important decisions are prominent in newspapers reporting on restructuring of companies. These companies should have liquidated or sold off their unprofitable divisions but couldn't take the courage to make this important decision. In many cases, they were concerned about former managers who had started those divisions, so that they just split them off from their core business as their subsidiaries.

 

However, in a few years later, they ended up selling them due to mounting pressures from stockholders, saying that they could have sold them under more favorable conditions if they had made the decision at that time.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(rikarika, 22 July 07

 

Sin of Procrastination

 

Japanese companies do "decision procrastination" as one of their not admirable customs. To avoid the conflict that would be caused by making decision, they just make vague decision at this moment and leave the final result up to late comers' decision.

 

We can often see this 'decision procrastination" in business restructuring occasions which are picked up by newspapers every day. The business are supposed to be liquidated or sold out but as they are not brave enough to make difficult decision (in most case, they are in difference to "OB", seniors.), they just make modest decision, such as company split-up, at most. As a result, few years later, they won't be able to resist the pressure from stock holders and finally sell them out by saying regretfully "we should have sold out earlier to hold good deal status".

 

添削

 

Sins of Procrastination

 

Japanese companies do practice "decision procrastination" as one of their not admirable customs habits. To avoid the potential conflicts that would could be caused by making definite1 decisions, they just make vague decisions at this moment now and leave the final result decisions up to late comers' decision future managers2.

 

We can often see this 'decision procrastination" in business restructuring occasions which are picked up reported by newspapers every day. The Some businesses are supposed to be liquidated or sold out, but as they mangers are not brave enough to make difficult decisions (in most case, they are in difference to concerned with "OB", or seniors who have started these businesses3.), they just make modest decisions, such as splitting those businesses as subsidiaries company split-up, at most. As a result, a few years later, they find out that those subsidiaries are not performing well3. tThey won't be are not able to resist the pressure from stock holders and have to finally sell them out by saying regretfully "we should have sold out them earlier to hold good deal status under better conditions".

 

コメント

 

1.       definitevague を対比するとよいでしょう。

 

2.       leave decisions to future managersとすると「誰が何を決定する」という文脈になるので、文章全体に調和します。

 

3.       このような補足説明を加えるとわかりやすくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

Sins of Procrastination

 

Japanese companies practice "decision procrastination" as one of their not admirable habits. To avoid potential conflicts that could be caused by making definite decisions, they just make vague decisions now and leave final decisions to future managers.

 

We can often see this 'decision procrastination" in business restructuring which are reported by newspapers every day. Some businesses are supposed to be liquidated or sold out, but as mangers are not brave enough to make difficult decisions (in most case, they are concerned with "OB", or seniors who have started these businesses), they just make modest decisions, such as splitting those businesses as subsidiaries . As a result, a few years later they find out that those subsidiaries not performing well. They are not able to resist the pressure from stock holders and have to sell them by saying regretfully "we should have sold them earlier under better conditions".

 

 

読者からの投稿 1 (セイジ、30 Oct 02

 

“Sins of Postponing Critical Decisions”

 

Postponing critical decisions is one of bad habits of Japanese companies. Japanese mangers want to avoid strained relations that might result from making definite decisions now. They make only indefinite decisions now and pass the responsibility of making definite decisions to future managers.

 

We can find this kind of postponement every day in the news paper when it reports restructuring of companies. Those companies should have sold or closed certain lines of their business a long time ago. But they postponed critical decisions because they were reluctant to embarrass their former managers who had started those line of business. Instead of selling or closing, they just separated those lines of business from their main lines of business as subsidiaries. Often, the subsidiaries could not perform well, and in a few years they had to sell or close them under increasing pressures from stockholders. At that time, we often hear mangers say, “We could have sold those subsidiaries at better conditions much earlier.”

 

添削

 

“Sins of Postponing Critical Decisions”

 

Postponing critical decisions is one of bad habits1 of Japanese companies. Japanese mangers want to avoid strained relationships that might result from making definite decisions now-quickly. As a result, Tthey make only indefinite decisions now and pass the responsibility of making definite decisions to future managers.

 

We can find-2 Tthis kind of postponement appears every day in the news paper- newspaper when it reports on the restructuring of companies. Those -These companies should have sold or closed certain lines of their business a long time ago,. Bbut they postponed critical decisions because they were reluctant to embarrass their former managers who had started those lines of business. Instead of selling or closing them, they just separated those lines of business from their main lines of business as -, making them subsidiaries. Often, the subsidiaries could did not perform well, and in a few years they had to sell or close them under increasing pressures from stockholders. At that time, we often hear managers say, “We could have sold those subsidiaries at under better conditions much earlier.”

 

コメント

 

1.     セイジさんの投稿は原文を良く読んで内容を英語で表現してあります。「日本企業の良くない習慣として、結論の先送りというものがある。」はOne bad habit of Japanese companies is~と表現したくなりますが、セイジさんのようにPostponing critical decisions is~としたほうが主題がはっきりします。日本企業にも悪い習慣がいくつもあるでしょうから、one of bad habitsでも良いのですが、one bad habitだけでも他にも悪い習慣はあることが含まれているのでよいと思います。

 

2.     We can find~でもよいのですが、This kind of postponementを主語にしたほうが、漠然としたWeを主語にするより文が締まります。「物語の主人公を主語にその動作を動詞にする」という英文の秘訣がありますが、この場合、物語の主人公が人間ではなくてもよい、というのがこの例です。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Sins of Postponing Critical Decisions"

 

Postponing critical decisions is one  bad habit1 of Japanese companies. Japanese mangers want to avoid strained relationships that might result from making definite decisions quickly. As a result, they make only indefinite decisions  and pass the responsibility of making definite decisions to future managers.

 

This kind of postponement appears every day in the newspaper when it reports on the restructuring of companies. These companies should have sold or closed certain lines of their business long ago, but they postponed critical decisions because they were reluctant to embarrass their former managers who had started those lines of business. Instead of selling or closing them, they just separated those lines from their main, making them subsidiaries. Often, the subsidiaries did not perform well, and in a few years they had to sell or close them under increasing pressures from stockholders. At that time, we often hear managers say, "We could have sold those subsidiaries under better conditions much earlier."

 

 

練習問題 8 「日本人の将来」

 

人口の高齢化、構造改革の立ち遅れ、政治家の資質低下など、日本の将来を悲観させる要因ばかり目につく。しかし、よく考えれば、問題は「日本がどうなるか」ではなく、「日本人がどうなるか」である。この二つは同じでないのである。

 

これまでは、日本人の圧倒的大多数にとって、活動の場は日本に限られていた。だから、上の二つを同じと考えることは当然だった。現在でも、多くの日本人がそう考えている。しかし、少なくとも専門的職業に関する限り、活動の場は全世界に広がりつつある。

 

経済競争が世界規模になった今は、急速に発展する国が専門家を外国に求めざるをえない。外国人専門家に就職の門戸を開放する傾向は、今後ますます促進されるに違いない。

 

日本人が海外で個人として活躍するには、言葉の問題がある。しかし最も重要なのは、活動の場が国内に限定されないと認識することだ。これまでは、日本の経済成長が急速であったため、生活環境が異なり、知り合いも少ない海外にわざわざ職を求める必然性は乏しかった。しかし、事態はすでに大きく変わっているのである。日本の国内でベンチャーが成長できる環境整備を待つよりも、海外で事業を起こすほうがずっと早いと考える人が増加するであろう。

 

読者からの投稿 5(あすか、18 April 10

 

"Future of Japanese People"

 

In the future of Japan, you will see the more negative factors such as aging of population, delaying of structural reform for the economic and financial crisis and environmental policies, and declining of the qualities of politicians.  However, come to think of the future of Japan, the matters are not about "what will happen to Japan?,  but rather "what will happen to the Japanese people?" These two questions are not the same.

 

Up until now, most Japanese people had limited to place for business or activities only within Japan so that they took it for granted that those two questions above were the same. Even now, many Japanese people still have the same ideas about it, but as for professionals, their business places have been diversified all over the world.

 

As the Japan's economy has become competitive on the global scale, and the countries that have developed rapidly are looking for foreign experts. From now, this must become more trend to open the employment door for the foreign experts.

 

In order for Japanese people to succeed in overseas business, they must overcome with a language barrier. However, the most important thing is that they should acknowledge that their activities are not limited within Japan. Up to now the economic growth in Japan has been sharp, life cycles have Changed, and Japanese people didn't have to find a job overseas where there were fewer acquaintances. But the situation has changed dramatically. There will be a growing number of people who believe that starting a business overseas is much easier than waiting for the business environment being settled for a growing venture company in Japan.

 

添削

 

"Future of Japanese People"

 

In the future of Japan, you will see the more negative factors such as aging of population, delaying of structural reform for of the economicy and financial crisis and environmental policies, and declining of the qualities of politicians. However, when we come to think of the future of Japan, what really matters the matters are is not about "what will happen to Japan?, but rather "what will happen to the Japanese people?" These two questions are not the same.

 

Up until now, most Japanese people had a limited to place for their businesses or activities, namely only within Japan, so that they took it for granted that those two questions above were the same. Even now, many Japanese people do not distinguish these two questions. still have the same ideas about it, bBut as for professionals, their business places have expanded to been diversified all over the world.

 

As economic competition become more and more global ,the Japan's economy has become competitive on the global scale, and the countries that are have developeding rapidly must are looking for foreign experts from foreign countries. From now, this must become more the trend to will be to open the employment door  to for the foreign experts.

 

In order for the Japanese people to succeed in overseas businesses, they must overcome with a language barrier. However, the most important thing is that they should acknowledge that their activities are not limited to within Japan. Up to now the economic growth has been fast in Japan has been sharp, life cycles have Changed, and the Japanese people have not didn't have had to find a jobs overseas where the living environment is different and they don’t have there were fewer acquaintances. But the situation has changed dramatically. There will be a growing number of people who believe that starting a business overseas is much easier than waiting for a new the business environment in Japan that will be good for being settled for a growing a venture business company in Japan.

 

コメント

 

内容の概略はわかりますが、わかり難いところが数箇所あります。このような長い日本文の内容は全体の流れを分析して自分流に納得のいくように再構成するとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Future of Japanese People"

 

In the future of Japan, you will see negative factors such as aging of population, delaying of structural reform of the economy and environmental policies, and declining of the qualities of politicians. However, when we think of the future of Japan, what really matters is not about "what will happen to Japan?”, but rather "what will happen to the Japanese people?" These two questions are not the same.

 

Up until now, most Japanese people had a limited place for their businesses or activities, namely only within Japan, so that they took it for granted that those two questions above were the same. Even now, many Japanese people do not distinguish these two questions. But for professionals, their business places have expanded to all over the world.

 

As economic competition become more and more global, the countries that are developing rapidly must look for experts from foreign countries. From now, the trend will be to open  employment to foreign experts.

 

In order for the Japanese people to succeed in overseas businesses, they must overcome a language barrier. However, the most important thing is that they should acknowledge that their activities are not limited to within Japan. Up to now economic growth has been fast in Japan  and the Japanese people have not had to find jobs overseas where the living environment is different and they don’t have acquaintances. But the situation has changed dramatically. There will be a growing number of people who believe that starting a business overseas is much easier than waiting for a new business environment in Japan that will be good for a venture business .

 

 

読者からの投稿 4(Kalo, 21 February 08

 

"Future of Japanese People"

 

Society is getting older and older. Structural reforms are lagged behind. Politicians are becoming unreliable. When we think about these problems, we will feel pessimistic about the future of Japan. However, the point is not "what will become of Japan?" but "what will become of Japanese people?" These two questions are quite different.

 

So far, most Japanese people have thought that the two questions are the same because their business fields were limited in Japan. Even now, many of them think so. But now, businesses are expanding outside of Japan, at least for those with professional skills.

 

Professionals from overseas are sought after by fast growing countries as they need to survive under the fierce global economic competition. These countries are expected to attract more professionals from overseas, providing them with more job opportunities.   

 

In terms of Japanese people, they are likely to face a language barrier when they run a business overseas. But what matters is that they should realize that businesses today aren't limited in Japan.

 

In the past, while Japan was achieving rapid economic growth, Japanese people didn't have to find a job in a foreign country where the living environment was different and there were few acquaintances.

 

Now, things are changing rapidly. More and more Japanese people will think that they can start businesses overseas much earlier than just waiting for conditions to become more favorable for venture businesses in Japan.

 

添削

 

"Future of Japanese People"

 

Society is rapidly aging1 getting older and older. Structural reforms is are being delayed lagged behind2. Politicians are becoming unreliable. When we think about these problems, we will feel pessimistic about the future of Japan. However, the point is not "what will become of Japan?" but "what will become of the Japanese people3?" These two questions are quite different.

 

So far, most Japanese people have thought that the two questions are the same because their business fields were limited to inside of Japan. Even now, many of them think so. But now, businesses are expanding to beyond outside of Japan, at least for those with professional skills.

 

Professionals from overseas are sought after by fast growing countries as they need to survive under the fierce global economic competition. These countries are expected to attract more professionals from overseas, providing them with more job opportunities.   

 

In terms of the Japanese people, they are likely to face a language barrier when they run a business overseas. But what matters is that they should realize that businesses today aren't limited to inside of Japan.

 

In the past, while Japan was achieving rapid economic growth, the Japanese people didn't have to find a job in a foreign country where the living environment was different and there were few acquaintances.

 

Now, things are changing rapidly. More and more Japanese people will think that they can start businesses overseas much earlier easier4 than in Japan, instead of just waiting for the domestic conditions to become more favorable for to venture businesses in Japan.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。英文の段落構成を日本文より多くしてあってわかりやすいですね。近年、英文の報告文の段落は短くなる傾向があります。文章を見たときにそれぞれの段落が一目で見渡せて内容を把握しやすいからでしょう。

 

1.       Society is getting older and older.とすると社会が成熟してきている、という意味にもとれます。ここではSociety is aging.がよいでしょう。

 

2.       Structural reform is lagging behind social change.のように何に対して遅れているか記述する必要があります。

 

3.       ひとりの日本人はa Japanese、日本人全体はthe Japaneseが一般的な表現ですね。You should live with pride and self-awareness as Japanese.のようにJapaneseだけで日本人という意味のこともあります。the Japanese the Japanese peopleの省略形です。わたしは個人の好みでthe Japanese peopleを使っています。

 

4.       日本文には「ずっと早い」とありますが、easierとするほうがわかりやすいでしょう。この後の文でどうしてeasierなのか理由がわかります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Future of Japanese People"

 

Society is rapidly aging. Structural reform is being delayed. Politicians are becoming unreliable. When we think about these problems, we feel pessimistic about the future of Japan. However, the point is not "what will become of Japan?" but "what will become of the Japanese people?" These two questions are quite different.

 

So far, most Japanese people have thought that the two questions are the same because their business fields were limited to inside of Japan. Even now, many of them think so. But now, businesses are expanding to beyond Japan, at least for those with professional skills.

 

Professionals from overseas are sought after by fast growing countries as they need to survive under the fierce global economic competition. These countries are expected to attract more professionals from overseas, providing them with more job opportunities.   

 

In terms of the Japanese people, they are likely to face a language barrier when they run a business overseas. But what matters is that they should realize that businesses today aren't limited to inside of Japan.

 

In the past, while Japan was achieving rapid economic growth, the Japanese people didn't have to find a job in a foreign country where the living environment was different and there were few acquaintances.

 

Now, things are changing rapidly. More and more Japanese people will think that they can start businesses overseas much easier than in Japan, instead of just waiting for the domestic conditions to become more favorable to venture businesses.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 23 October 07

 

Japan's Future

 

We can't avoid seeing many factors that make us pessimistic over Japan's futures such as aging of population, delaying structural improvement and downskilling politicians. Thinking over again, however, the point is not "how Japan is going to be" but "how Japanese people are going to be". These two thought are not same at all.

 

So far, it has been very natural to consider above two thoughts as same because opportunities to demonstrate abilities were limited only within Japan for almost all of Japanese people. Even today, many Japanese people think so. However, at least for professional jobs, opportunities can be gradually found all over the world.

 

Today, economic competition became worldwide issue and rapidly developing countries have to seek professional from outside of the countries. The tendency to allow foreign professionals having job will be encouraged more and more in future. There is a language problem when Japanese try to be active as an individual at international stage but more importantly we need to recognize that there is no limitation for the place of stage. Because of rapid economic increase, we Japanese haven't had to find job opportunity from outside Japan all the way but situation have already changed completely. I predict that the number of people who think that it is better to start his own business abroad will bigger than the number of people who wait Japanese environmental improvement for start up companies.

 

添削

 

Japan's Future

 

We can't avoid seeing many factors that make us pessimistic over about Japan's futures such as aging of population, delaying of1 structural improvement and downskilling declining of the quality of politicians. Thinking over the future of Japan again, however, I think that the point is not "how what2 Japan is going to be" but "what how theJapanese people are going to be". These two thought questions are not the same at all.

 

So far, it has been very natural to for us consider that these two questions above two thoughts as are the same because opportunities to demonstrate our abilities were limited to only within Japan for almost all of Japanese people. Even today, many Japanese people think so. However, at least for professional jobs, opportunities have been3 can be gradually found all over the world.

 

Today, economic competition became worldwide issue and rapidly developing countries have to seek professionals from outside of their own countries. The tendency to allow hire foreign professionals having job will be encouraged more and more in the future. There is a language problem when Japanese try to be active seek opportunities as an individual at on the  international stage. bBut more importantly, we need to recognize that there is no limitation for us to seek opportunities worldwide in terms of the place and kind of a job of stage. Because of the rapid economic growth increase, we Japanese haven't so far had to find job opportunityies from outside of Japan all the way but. However, the situation has have already changed completely. I predict that the number of people who think that it is better to start his their own businesses abroad will bigger be larger than the number of people who wait until the business conditions in Japanese environmental improvement for before they start up their businesses in Japan4 companies.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが"how Japan is going to be" but "how theJapanese people are going to be"という主題の意味がわかりません。長い文章なので日本文の内容を自分の解釈で整理して英文で表現するとよいでしょう。

 

1.       aging of populationと同形で表現するとわかりやすくなります(並列構造の句)

 

2.       howは「どのように」なのでhow is Japan going to survive (maintain its vitality, keep enjoying healthy growth etc.), how are the Japanese people going to surviveのようになります。

 

3.       すでに起こっている現象なので現在完了進行形がよいでしょう。

 

4.       海外での起業と国内での起業を較べると内容がはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

Japan's Future

 

We can't avoid seeing many factors that make us pessimistic about Japan's futures such as aging of population, delaying of structural improvement and declining of the quality of politicians. Thinking over the future of Japan again, however, I think that the point is not "what Japan is going to be" but "what theJapanese people are going to be". These two questions are not the same at all.

 

So far, it has been very natural for us to consider that these two questions are the same because opportunities to demonstrate our abilities were limited to only within Japan for almost all of Japanese people. Even today, many Japanese people think so. However, at least for professional jobs, opportunities have been gradually found all over the world.

 

Today, economic competition became worldwide and rapidly developing countries have to seek professionals from outside of their own countries. The tendency to hire foreign professionals  will be encouraged more and more in the future. There is a language problem when Japanese try to active seek opportunities on the international stage. But more importantly, we need to recognize that there is no limitation for us to seek opportunities worldwide in terms of the place and kind of a job . Because of the rapid economic growth, we Japanese haven't so far had to find job opportunities outside of Japan . However, the situation has already changed completely. I predict that the number of people who think it better to start their own businesses abroad will be larger than the number of people who wait until the business conditions in Japan improve before they start up their businesses in Japan.

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(NOMU, 27 Oct 03

 

“The Future of the Japanese”

 

What we can see mostly these days are factors that make the outlook of Japanese future gloomy, such as the aging population, slow structural reform and the degraded quality of politicians. Thinking more carefully, I realized that the question is not 'what is Japan going to be?' but 'what are Japanese going to be?' These are two separated matters. Until recently, the field of activities for the majority of Japanese has been limited in Japan. That's why it was natural to regard these two matters as the same. Actually many Japanese still think that way. But as far as the careers of specialties are concerned, the field of activities is spreading all over the world. In this time of globalized economic races, fast developing countries have to look for specialists abroad. I'm sure there will be growing tendency that companies give more job opportunities to foreign specialists. Putting aside language barrier, the most important thing for Japanese in order to succeed overseas is we realize that our field of activities should not be limited in Japan. As Japan's economic growth had kept growing rapidly for years, we didn't need to seek jobs in foreign countries, where living environment differs and there are few acquaintances. But things have changed greatly. More and more people will probably think that starting business abroad is much easier than waiting for the change in Japan's environment to venture business friendly. 

 

添削

 

“The Future of the Japanese”

 

What we can see mostly tThese days are we can see many factors that make the outlook of for Japanese Japan future gloomy1,. Factors such as the an aging population, slow structural reform and the degraded quality of politicians contributes to this gloominess. Thinking more carefully2, I3 realized that the question is not 'what is Japan going to be?' but 'what are the Japanese going to be?' These are two separated matters. Until recently2, the field of activities for the majority of Japanese people has been limited in to Japan. That's why2 it was natural to regard these two matters as the same. Actually2 many Japanese still think that way,. But but as far as the careers of specialties specialists are concerned, the field of activities is spreading all over the world. In this time of globalized economic races, fast developing countries have to look for specialists abroad. I'm sure there will be a growing tendency that for companies to give more job opportunities to foreign specialists. Putting aside the language barrier2, the most important thing for the Japanese people to do in order to succeed overseas is we to realize that our field of activities should not be limited in to Japan. As When Japan's economic growth had keptthe Japanese economy was growing rapidly for years, we didn't need to seek jobs in foreign countries, where the living environment differeds and there are were few acquaintances. But things have changed greatly. More and more people will probably think that starting a business abroad is much easier than waiting for the a change in Japan's environment to venture business friendly that will make Japan’s environment more friendly to venture businesses4. 

 

コメント

 

1.       文が長いので、この文を独立させてキーセンテンスとするとよいと思います。

 

2.       NOMOさんは文と文の内容がスムースに続くようにいろいろと工夫をしています。長い文章にもかかわらず読みやすいのはこの工夫のためです。

 

3.       最初の文は主語にWeを使って、一般的な命題とし、この文では主語にIを使い、これから後は自分の考えであると明白にしています。

 

4.       少し内容の説明を補足するようにしました。

 

添削後の文章

 

“The Future of the Japanese”

 

These days we can see many factors that make the outlook for Japan gloomy. Factors such as an aging population, slow structural reform and the degraded quality of politicians contributes to this gloominess. Thinking more carefully, I realized that the question is not “what is Japan going to be?” but “what are theJapanese going to be?” These are two separate matters. Until recently, the field of activities for the majority of Japanese people has been limited to Japan. That's why it was natural to regard these two matters as the same. Actually many Japanese still think that way, but as far as the careers of specialists are concerned, the field of activities is spreading all over the world. In this time of globalized economic races, fast developing countries have to look for specialists abroad. I'm sure there will be a growing tendency for companies to give more job opportunities to foreign specialists. Putting aside the language barrier, the most important thing for the Japanese people to do in order to succeed overseas is to realize that our field of activities should not be limited to Japan. When the Japanese economy was growing rapidly for years, we didn't need to seek jobs in foreign countries, where the living environment differed and there were few acquaintances. But things have changed greatly. More and more people will probably think that starting a business abroad is much easier than waiting for a change that will make Japan’s environment more friendly to venture businesses. 

 

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(Yoshi22 Nov 02

 

“The Future of Japanese People”

 

Recently we only hear news that cast pessimistic prospects for the future of Japan such as aging population, slow structural reform, and the decreasing quality of politicians. But when we ponder the issue, we realize that the real issue is not what will happen to Japan but what will happen to Japanese people. They are not the same question.

 

So far, Japan has been the only place they could live and work for a great majority of Japanese people. So, Japanese people used to think that these two questions had the same meaning. Most of us still think the same way. But for professional people at least, the place they can work is expanding from Japan to the rest of the world.

 

Now that economic competition is taking place worldwide, rapidly developing countries have no choice but to seek professional from abroad. These countries are now opening doors to their domestic markets to foreign professionals and they will accelerate this policy in the future.

 

Japanese professionals must master foreign languages if they want to work in foreign countries. But they must first realize that the place they can work is no longer limited to Japan. In the period of rapid economic growth, a lot of job opportunities were created in Japan for professional people, and they did not have to seek jobs abroad where they had to live in a different living environment and few friends. But the domestic conditions for professional people have already changed drastically. In the future, more and more professional people will start new businesses abroad rather than wait for a better domestic condition for venture businesses in Japan.

 

添削

 

“The Future of Japanese People”

 

人口の高齢化、構造改革の立ち遅れ、政治家の資質低下など、日本の将来を悲観させる要因ばかり目につく。しかし、よく考えれば、問題は「日本がどうなるか」ではなく、「日本人がどうなるか」である。この二つは同じでないのである。

 

Recently Currently, we only the news we hear news that often casts1 pessimistic prospects for the future of Japan such as the aging population, slow structural reform, and the decreasing quality of politicians. But when we ponder the issue, we realize that the real issue -concern is not what will happen to Japan but what will happen to the Japanese people. They These are not the same question.

 

これまでは、日本人の圧倒的大多数にとって、活動の場は日本に限られていた。だから、上の二つを同じと考えることは当然だった。現在でも、多くの日本人がそう考えている。しかし、少なくとも専門的職業に関する限り、活動の場は全世界に広がりつつある。

 

So far, Japan has been the only place they could live and work for a great majority of Japanese people. So,The Japanese people used to think that these two questions had the same meaning. Most of us still think the same way. But,but for professional people at least, the place where 2they can work is expanding from Japan to the rest of the world.

 

経済競争が世界規模になった今は、急速に発展する国が専門家を外国に求めざるをえない。外国人専門家に就職の門戸を開放する傾向は、今後ますます促進されるに違いない。

 

Now that economic competition is taking place worldwide, rapidly developing countries have no choice but to seek professionals from abroad. These countries are now opening  the doors to their domestic markets to for foreign professionals and they will accelerate this policy in the future.

 

日本人が海外で個人として活躍するには、言葉の問題がある。しかし最も重要なのは、活動の場が国内に限定されないと認識することだ。これまでは、日本の経済成長が急速であったため、生活環境が異なり、知り合いも少ない海外にわざわざ職を求める必然性は乏しかった。しかし、事態はすでに大きく変わっているのである。日本の国内でベンチャーが成長できる環境整備を待つよりも、海外で事業を起こすほうがずっと早いと考える人が増加するであろう。

 

Japanese professionals must master foreign languages if they want to work in foreign countries.  Bbut they must first realize that the place where they can work is no longer limited to Japan. In the period of rapid economic growth, a lot of many job opportunities were created in Japan for professionals people., and - they These professionals did not have to seek jobs abroad where they had to live, living in a different living - environment and -with few friends3. But Now, the domestic conditions for professional people have has already - changed drastically. In the future, more and more professional people will start new businesses abroad rather than wait for a - better domestic conditions for venture businesses in Japan.

 

コメント

 

漢字の多い論文調の日本文ですが、論旨がはっきりしていて英語で表現しやすいと思います。Yoshiさんは丁寧に日本文の内容を順序だって英文で表現しています。

 

1.       We only hear the news that casts …よりThe news we here casts …と表現したほうが直截な言い方になります。

 

2.       The places where they can work is expanding …where they can work is expanding …と短く出来ます。次の例も同様な表現方法です。

 

I will postpone things which I am supposed to complete today until tomorrow.

I will postpone what I am supposed to complete today until tomorrow.

 

I discussed with her the data when we were going to see her parents.

I discussed with her when we were going to see her parents.

 

3.       Living in a different environment with few friendsと修飾節のすると文がすっきりします。なおliving in a different living environmentの2番目のlivingはいりません。

 

添削後の文章

 

"The Future of Japanese People"

 

Currently,  the news we hear often casts pessimistic prospects for the future of Japan such as the aging population, slow structural reform, and the decreasing quality of politicians. But when we ponder the issue, we realize that the real concern is not what will happen to Japan but what will happen to the Japanese people. These are not the same question.

 

So far, Japan has been the only place they could live and work for a great majority of Japanese people. The Japanese people used to think that these two questions had the same meaning. Most of us still think the same way, but for professional people at least, where they can work is expanding from Japan to the rest of the world.

 

Now that economic competition is taking place worldwide, rapidly developing countries have no choice but to seek professionals from abroad. These countries are now opening the doors to their domestic markets for foreign professionals and they will accelerate this policy in the future.

 

Japanese professionals must master foreign languages if they want to work in foreign countries but they must first realize that where they can work is no longer limited to Japan. In the period of rapid economic growth, many job opportunities were created in Japan for professionals. These professionals did not have to seek jobs abroad, living in a different environment with few friends. Now, the domestic conditions for professional people has changed drastically. In the future, more and more professional people will start new businesses abroad rather than wait for better domestic conditions for venture businesses in Japan.

 

 

練習問題 9 「情報活用能力」

 

インターネットの普及の伴って、いろいろな種類の情報を自分で蓄積する必要性が低くなり、インターネットがそれを代行するようになった。このような新しい技術、社会の環境の変化は企業活動にどのような影響を及ぼしているのであろうか。

 

企業とは、個人レベルではなかなか手におえない複雑な情報を組織的に効率よく処理する仕組みである。企業の中に大量の技術情報や商品情報を蓄積し、それを使ってタイムリーに商品を開発するのである。

 

そのためには従業員の長期雇用や系列取引が重要な意味を持った。長期にわたって同じ会社で働いたり、同じ取引相手と付き合っていると、様々な情報が従業員や取引企業間に蓄積され、共有されるからである。

 

しかし、本格的なネットワーク社会になると、インターネット上にこれまで専門的と思われていた様々な企業情報が蓄積され、利用可能になる。そうなると、企業は従業員を長期に囲い込む必要も、系列取引に固執する必要も薄れてくる。なぜなら、そういった知識や情報の多くはネットワークからいつでも取り出せるからだ。

 

そうなると、企業にとって必要なのは、いつでも取り込める情報を蓄積しておくことではなく、それらの情報を十分に活用しながら独創的なアイデアを生み出す「イノベーション能力」を持つということになる。

 

重要なことは、社内で蓄積し、自分しか知らないと思っていた多くの情報や知識はインターネット時代にはその価値が激減するということである。これからの時代に企業や個人に真に求められるのは、情報を貯め込むことではなく、いかにクリエーティブな発想でイノベーションを生み出せるかという「イノベーション能力」を磨く努力なのである。

 

読者からの投稿 4(Kalo, 23 February 08

 

"Ability to Make Use of Information"

 

With the widespread use of the Internet, we hardly need to accumulate many types of information on our own. Now, we can easily retrieve them from the Internet. How does new technology like this or working environment changes make an impact on corporation activities?

 

A corporation is a system in which many types of information -- they are too complicated for an individual to handle -- can be processed in an effective and systematic way. This system allows corporations to accumulate a large amount of technological and merchandise information and create products in a timely manner.     

 

To run the system effectively, corporations used to continue hiring employees for years and developing a long-term stable relationship with business associates because it ensured that they could store and share many types of information among co-workers or their business associates.           

 

With the advance of an online network, however, such information can be accumulated on the Internet. Even information that was once thought to be specific can be available to anyone. As a result, corporations no longer need to continue hiring employees and deal with the same business associates for a long time.

 

Today, what corporations need most is to cultivate an innovative ability to generate creative ideas, making use of information stored on the Internet, instead of accumulating such information as easily available on the Internet.

 

In addition, they need to recognize that a lot of information and knowledge that have been stored as a corporate secret will lose their value very quickly in the age of the Internet.

 

添削

 

"Ability to Make Use of Information"

 

With the widespread use of the Internet, we hardly need to accumulate many types of information on our own. Now, we can easily retrieve them from the Internet. How does new technology like this or change in the working environment1 changes make an impact on corporation activities?

 

A corporation is a system in which many types of information -- they, which2 are too complicated for an individual to handle, -- can be processed in an effective and systematic way. This system allows corporations to accumulate a large amount of information on technologicaly and merchandise information and to create products in a timely manner.     

 

To run the system effectively, corporations used to continue hiring keep employees3 on their payrolls for years and to4 developing  a long-term stable relationship with business associates. This is because it such arrangements ensured that they could store and share many types of information among co-workers or their business associates.           

 

With the advance of an online network, however, such information can be accumulated on the Internet. Even information that was once thought to be specific can be available to anyone. As a result, corporations no longer need to continue hiring keep their employees and deal with the same business associates for a long time.

 

Today, what corporations need most is to cultivate an innovative ability to generate creative ideas, making use of information stored on the Internet, instead of accumulating such information which is as easily available on the Internet within the corporations.

 

In addition, they need to recognize that a lot of information and knowledge that have been stored as a corporate secret will lose their value very quickly in the age of the Internet.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。日本文の内容をよく理解して英文に整理してあります。段落構成は日本文に準じてありますが、内容の流れはよいです。

 

1.       英語はworking environment changesのような複合名詞を嫌います。

 

2.       通常の関係代名詞のほうがわかりやすいでしょう。

 

3.       continue hiring 雇用することを続けた、となり文章の内容と外れます。

 

4.       二つのことをはっきりさせるためにtoを入れるとよいでしょう。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Ability to Make Use of Information"

 

With the widespread use of the Internet, we hardly need to accumulate many types of information on our own. Now, we can easily retrieve them from the Internet. How does new technology like this or change in the working environment make an impact on corporation activities?

 

A corporation is a system in which many types of information , which are too complicated for an individual to handle, can be processed in an effective and systematic way. This system allows corporations to accumulate a large amount of information on technology and merchandise and to create products in a timely manner.     

 

To run the system effectively, corporations used to keep employees on their payrolls for years and to develop a long-term stable relationship with business associates. This is because such arrangements ensured that they could store and share many types of information among co-workers or their business associates.           

 

With the advance of an online network, however, such information can be accumulated on the Internet. Even information that was once thought to be specific can be available to anyone. As a result, corporations no longer need to keep their employees and deal with the same business associates for a long time.

 

Today, what corporations need most is to cultivate an innovative ability to generate creative ideas, making use of information stored on the Internet, instead of accumulating such information which is easily available on the Internet within the corporations.

 

In addition, they need to recognize that a lot of information and knowledge that have been stored as a corporate secret will lose their value very quickly in the age of the Internet.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(かっぱん、14 April 05

 

Informational literacy”

 

The widespread of the Internet are making us it not necessary to reserve various kinds of information by our own. When we need any information, we only have to check it on the Internet. In this essay, I am going to discuss the effect of this new technology and the change in social environment may have on corporate activities. Corporation is a system which enables processing information systematically and effectively that is too complex to handle on an individual basis. This system makes corporations possible to store a large volume of information on technology and goods, and develop new products in a timely using the information. In an era without the Internet, it was an effective way to have life-long employment system and keiretsu network, rapport paradigmatique, to utilize this system. Working for one company for a long time, and doing business with a few certain counterparts for a long time had made them possible to collect and share various information. In the era of networking, business information that used to be only for specialists has been accumulated on the network, and has become available for non-specialists. This means that the necessity for long term relationships with employees or keiretsu companies has been decreasing. Considering that companies can collect and store information by using the Internet, what is most important for them is to have the “innovative ability”, that is the ability to make innovative ideas by utilizing information found on the Internet, not the ability to collect information. What is something heavy to put in our mind is corporation-specific information will lose its value in the era of the Internet.

 

添削

 

Informational lLiteracy1

 

The widespread use of the Internet are is making us it not unnecessary for us to reserve store2 various kinds of information by our own efforts. When we need any kind of information, we only have to check it on the Internet. In this essay, I am going to discuss the potential effects of that this new technology and the change in the social environment may have on corporate activities.

 

Corporation is a system which enables processing a huge amount of information to be processed systematically and effectively. This kind and amount of information3 that is too complex to be handled on an individual basis. This system The Internet makes it possible for corporations possible to store a large volume of information on technologiesy and goods,  and use it to develop new products in a timely fashion using the information.

 

In an the era without before the Internet, it was an effective way to have a life-long employment system and keiretsu network., rapport paradigmatique, to utilize this system. This was because4 Wworking for one company for a long time, and doing business with a few certain counterparts for a long time had made it them possible for corporations to collect and share various types of information.

 

In the era of networking through the Internet, however, business information that used to be available only for to specialists has been accumulated on the network, and has become available for to non-specialists as well. This means that the necessity for long term relationships with employees or keiretsu companies has been decreasing reduced.

 

Considering that companies can now collect and store information by using the Internet, what is most important for them is to have the “innovative ability”, that is5, the ability to make create innovative ideas by utilizing information found on the Internet, It is no longer just not the ability to collect information.

 

This trend leaves us with What is something a heavy question to put in our mind, iIs Will corporation-specific information will lose its value in the era of the Internet.?6

 

コメント

 

1.       見出しは大文字を使うと効果的です。

 

2.       make it possible for us to do ~ という構文です。

 

3.       ここで一度文を切るとよいでしょう。

 

4.       ここでも文を切ったほうがわかりやすくなります。

 

5.       , that is,とコンマで囲ったthat isは、「すなわち」という意味で、まえの語句の説明を始めるときに使います。

 

6.       反意語質問の形(会社固有の情報の価値は薄れると知っていて質問をする)は効果的に使えます。

 

添削後の文章

 

Informational Literacy”

 

The widespread use of the Internet is making it unnecessary for us to store various kinds of information by our own efforts. When we need any kind of information, we only have to check it on the Internet. In this essay, I am going to discuss potential effects that this new technology and change in the social environment may have on corporate activities.

 

Corporation is a system which enables a huge amount of information to be processed systematically and effectively. This kind and amount of information is too complex to be handled on an individual basis. The Internet makes it possible for corporations to store a large volume of information on technologies and goods, and use it to develop new products in a timely fashion .

 

In the era before the Internet, it was an effective way to have a life-long employment system and keiretsu network. This was because working for one company for a long time and doing business with a few certain counterparts for a long time had made it possible for corporations to collect and share various types of information.

 

In the era of networking through the Internet, however, business information that used to be available only to specialists has been accumulated on the network and has become available to non-specialists as well. This means that the necessity for long term relationships with employees or keiretsu companies has been  reduced.

 

Considering that companies can now collect and store information by using the Internet, what is most important for them is to have the “innovative ability”, that is, the ability to create innovative ideas by utilizing information found on the Internet It is no longer just  the ability to collect information.

 

This trend leaves us with t a heavy question  in our mind, “I Will corporation-specific information lose its value in the era of the Internet?”

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(NOMU, 2 Nov 03

 

Thanks to the spread of the Internet, we don't need to store so much information any more. When we need a piece of information, all we have to do is check it on the Net. How have these new technologies and the change in the society influenced business activities?  Companies are organizations which process information too complicated for an individual, efficiently and systematically. Companies store a large volume of technical and merchandise information so that they can invent new products in a timely manner. For these business practices, long term employment and business between affiliated companies used to be necessary. While a person works for one company or does business with a few counterparts for a long time, various information is stored and shared among them. But in the era of networking, information once supposed only for specialists has been accumulated on the Net and has become available to anyone. Meanwhile, companies no longer have to keep employees or stick to affiliated companies. Because they can always access to such knowledge and information on the Net. Now what companies really need is "an ability to innovate" that generates creative ideas by making the most of information, instead of just accumulating information which is accessible all the time. The point is that much of information and knowledge companies used to store in-house and regard confidential have lost their worth drastically in the age of the Internet. What's really asked for from companies and people will be not to store up information but to make effort to brush up "the ability to innovate" that generates innovation with a creative idea. 

 

添削

 

“Making Better Use of Information1

 

Thanks to the spread of the Internet, we don't need to store so much information personally any more. When we need a piece of information, all we have to do is check it on the Net Internet2. How have these new information3 technologies and the a subsequent change in the society influenced business activities? Companies are organizations which can efficiently and systematically process information that is too complicated for an individual, efficiently and systematically. Companies store a large volume of technical and merchandise information so that they can invent new products in a timely manner. To carry out For these business practices, it used to be necessary to maintain3 long term employment and close business relationships between affiliated companies used to be necessary. While a person works for one company or does business with a few counterparts for a long time, he can collect4 various information and share it with his colleaguesis stored and shared among them.

 

But in the era of networking, information that was once supposed to be useful only for specialists has been accumulated on the Net Internet and has become available to anyone. Meanwhile, companies no longer have to keep employees or stick to affiliated companies,. Bbecause they can always access to such knowledge and information on the Net Internet. Now what companies really need is "an ability to innovate" that can generates creative ideas by making the most best use of information, instead of a system5 of just accumulating information which and making it is accessible all the time. The point is that much of information and knowledge that companies used to store in-house and regard as confidential have lost their worth drastically in the age of the Internet. What's really asked for from companies and people is to make effort to brush up "the ability to innovate" and not to simply6 will be not to store up information. but to make effort to brush up "the ability to innovate" that generates innovation with a creative idea.

 

コメント

 

NOMUさんは日本文の内容を整理してわかりやすく英文で表現しています。

 

1.       英文に短く内容の要点を捉えたタイトルをつけることもキーセンテンスを作る練習になります。

 

2.       一つ文章の中では同じ表現を使うと読者にわかりやすくなります。

 

3.       These new informationですと既に文章の中に出てきた技術を指しますが、まだどのような技術を指しているのか不明なので具体的に補足する必要があります。

 

4.       従属節の主語がa personなので、主節の主語もこれに対応してheにすると(現在ではhe or shegender neutralの表現も多く使われます)読みやすくなります。

 

5.       この文の構造はWhat A needs is X instead of Y.です。この文の前半でAan ability to innovateと名詞になっているので、文の後半でもBa system of ~と名詞句にすると並列構造になり読者にわかりやすくなります。

 

6.       「イノベーション能力を磨く」が主要点なので文の前半に移します。

 

添削後の文章

 

“Making Better Use of Information1

 

Thanks to the spread of the Internet, we don't need to store so much information personally any more. When we need a piece of information, all we have to do is check it on the Internet. How have information technologies and a subsequent change in society influenced business activities? Companies are organizations which can efficiently and systematically process information that is too complicated for an individual. Companies store a large volume of technical and merchandise information so that they can invent new products in a timely manner. To carry out these business practices, it used to be necessary to maintain long term employment and close business relationships between affiliated companies. While a person works for one company or does business with a few counterparts for a long time, he can collect various information and share it with his colleagues.

 

But in the era of networking, information that was once supposed to be useful only for specialists has been accumulated on the Internet and has become available to anyone. Meanwhile, companies no longer have to keep employees or stick to affiliated companies, because they can always access such knowledge and information on the Internet. Now what companies really need is "an ability to innovate" that can generates creative ideas by making the best use of information instead of a system5 of accumulating information and making it accessible all the time. The point is that much of information and knowledge that companies used to store in-house and regard as confidential have lost their worth drastically in the age of the Internet. What's really asked for companies and people is to make effort to brush up "the ability to innovate" and not to simply store up information.

 

読者からの投稿 1(研修生、22 Nov 02

 

"Abilities to Make Better Use of Information"

 

As the internet becomes popular, we do not have to collect and save a various kinds of information by ourselves. Instead, we can access information available in the internet. How does such change in the information technology and society affect corporate activities?

 

A corporation is a system that can systematically and effectively process information that is too complex for individuals to handle. A corporation stores a large volume of information on technology and products and use the information to produce new products timely.

 

To make effective use of the information stored within itself, the corporation has been adopting a life-long employment system and business affiliation. Working long time for the same corporation and dealing with the same affiliated companies long time have made it possible to share a various kinds of information among employees and between companies.

 

But as we move into a really networked society, we can make use of professional information on the internet that has been assumed to be too specific and professional to make it available through the Internet.

 

In such a networked society, the corporation must shift priority from keeping readily available information to have innovation abilities to create original ideas from the information.

 

We must remember that the value of corporation specific information will lose its value in the age of the internet. What will be needed for a corporation in the future is not to store information but to cultivate innovation abilities to create new ideas.

 

添削

 

インターネットの普及の伴って、いろいろな種類の情報を自分で蓄積する必要性が低くなり、インターネットがそれを代行するようになった。このような新しい技術、社会の環境の変化は企業活動にどのような影響を及ぼしているのであろうか。

 

“Abilityies to Make Better Use of Information”

 

As the Iinternet becomes more popular, we do not have to collect and save a  various kinds of information by  ourselves. Instead, we can access the information available in on the iInternet1. How does such a change in the  information technology and society affect corporate activities?

 

企業とは、個人レベルではなかなか手におえない複雑な情報を組織的に効率よく処理する仕組みである。企業の中に大量の技術情報や商品情報を蓄積し、それを使ってタイムリーに商品を開発するのである。

 

A corporation is a system that can systematically and effectively process information that is too complex for individuals to handle. A Ccorporations stores a large volume of information on technology and products and use the information to produce new products in a timely manner.

 

そのためには従業員の長期雇用や系列取引が重要な意味を持った。長期にわたって同じ会社で働いたり、同じ取引相手と付き合っていると、様々な情報が従業員や取引企業間に蓄積され、共有されるからである。

 

To make effective use of the information stored within itself2, the a corporation has been adopted ing a life-long employment system and business affiliation network. Working a long time for the same corporation and dealing with the same affiliated companies for a long time have made it possible to share a various kinds of information among employees and between companies.

 

しかし、本格的なネットワーク社会になると、インターネット上にこれまで専門的と思われていた様々な企業情報が蓄積され、利用可能になる。そうなると、企業は従業員を長期に囲い込む必要も、系列取引に固執する必要も薄れてくる。なぜなら、そういった知識や情報の多くはネットワークからいつでも取り出せるからだ。

 

But as As we move into a really highly networked society, we can make use of professional information on the internet that has had previously been assumed to be too specific and professional to be make made3 it - available through the Internet.

 

そうなると、企業にとって必要なのは、いつでも取り込める情報を蓄積しておくことではなく、それらの情報を十分に活用しながら独創的なアイデアを生み出す「イノベーション能力」を持つということになる。

 

In such a networked society, now and in the future4, the a corporation must shift its priority from keeping information readily available information to have having5 the innovation innovative abilityies to create original ideas from the information found on the Internet.

 

重要なことは、社内で蓄積し、自分しか知らないと思っていた多くの情報や知識はインターネット時代にはその価値が激減するということである。これからの時代に企業や個人に真に求められるのは、情報を貯め込むことではなく、いかにクリエーティブな発想でイノベーションを生み出せるかという「イノベーション能力」を磨く努力なのである。

 

We must also remember that the value of corporation specific information will lose its value in the age of the Iinternet. What will be needed for a corporation in the future is not to store information but to cultivate innovation abilities to create new ideas6.-

 

コメント

 

1.       「インターネットの普及の伴って、いろいろな種類の情報を自分で蓄積する必要性が低くなり、インターネットがそれを代行するようになった。」を研修生さんは二つの小文に分解してうまく表現してあります。2番目の文をInsteadで始めて前の文との関連を示しています。

 

2.       「そのためには〜」を単にFor that purposeとするより研修生さんように説明したほうが読者に親切です。

 

3.       we can make use of professional information on the internet that has been assumed to be too specific and professional to make it available through the Internet.to make it availableの主語はprofessional informationですから、makeは受動態でつぎのようにならなければいけません。we can make use of professional information that had previously been assumed to be too specific and professional to be made available through the Internet.

 

4.       最後の段落の後半は前の段落と内容が重複しているので削除しました。それでここにnow and in the futureと最後の段落にもこのことがあてはまるということを示しました。

 

5.       from keeping information readily available to ability having the innovative ability …ではkeepinghavingをおなじ動詞の形にしたほうが並列構造の節の対比がはっきりします。

 

6.       前の段落と内容が重複しているので削除しました。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Ability to Make Better Use of Information"

 

As the Internet becomes more popular, we do not have to collect and save  various kinds of information  ourselves. Instead, we can access the information available on the Internet. How does such a change in  information technology and society affect corporate activities?

 

A corporation is a system that can systematically and effectively process information that is too complex for individuals to handle. Corporations store a large volume of information on technology and products and use the information to produce new products in a timely manner.

 

To make effective use of the information stored within itself, a corporation has adopted  a life-long employment system and business affiliation network. Working a long time for the same corporation and dealing with the same affiliated companies for a long time have made it possible to share a various kinds of information among employees and between companies.

 

As we move into a highly networked society, we can make use of professional information that had previously been assumed to be too specific and professional to be made available through the Internet.

 

In such a networked society, now and in the future, a corporation must shift its priority from keeping information readily available to having the innovative ability to create original ideas from the information found on the Internet.

 

We must also remember that corporation specific information will lose its value in the age of the Internet.

 

 

練習問題 10 「資格獲得ブーム」      

 

不況が長引き、いつリストラされるかわからないという不安な昨今では、また資格獲得ブームの時代でもある。何かの資格を取っておけばいざというときに安心、というわけである。

 

しかし、自分がこれからどういう行き方をしたいのかということ考えずに、ただ資格獲得に奔走しても、資格獲得のための投資が無駄になることが多いのではないか。

 

考えてみると上のような傾向は日本の教育問題と関連している。日本の教育で最も深刻な欠点は、ものの考え方をじっくり教えるスタンスが教育界になく、やたらと細かい知識を詰め込む受験勉強型に陥りやすいことである。このような教育観では生徒にじっくりと自分の将来を考える機会を与えるということはなおざれにされ勝ちである。

 

読者からの投稿 4(Kalo, 25 February 08

 

"Growing Trend toward Getting Qualifications"

 

Amid the prolonged economic slump, schools offering a variety of courses for qualifications are becoming popular. Many people are worried about losing their jobs, so they want to get some qualification in order to secure a job in the future. 

 

However, it is a waste of time and money if you want to get a qualification without thinking about your future seriously.

 

This growing trend toward getting qualifications is related to problems regarding the education system of Japan.

 

The most serious problem is that the system has not encouraged students to think by themselves. Instead, it has forced them to memorize trivial facts only to pass entrance examinations.

 

Under the current education system, students don't have opportunities to

spend a lot of time thinking about their future seriously.

 

添削

 

"Increasing Popularity of 1Growing Trend toward Getting Qualifications"

 

Amid the prolonged economic slump, schools offering a variety of courses for a variety of qualifications are becoming popular. Many people are worried about losing their jobs, so they want to get some qualifications in order to secure a job in the future. 

 

However, it is a waste of time and money if you want to get a qualification without thinking about your future seriously.

 

This growing increasing popularity of trend toward getting qualifications is related to problems of regarding the education system of in Japan.

 

The most serious problem is that the education system has not encouraged students to think by themselves. Instead, it has forced them to memorize trivial fragmented knowledge facts only to pass entrance examinations.

 

Under the current education system, students don't have opportunities to spend a lot of time on thinking about their future seriously.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の総てがわかります。段落構成は視覚的な読みやすさと内容の連結の兼ね合いですが、段落1と2を一つにし、段落3は印象を強めるために独立の段落にしておき、段落4と5を一緒にするという構成はどうでしょうか。

 

1.       growing trendとすると、どのように大きくなっているのかはっきりしません。increasing popularityとすると人気が高まっている、とはっきりします。

 

添削後の文章

 

"Increasing Popularity of Getting Qualifications"

 

Amid the prolonged economic slump, schools offering courses for a variety of qualifications are becoming popular. Many people are worried about losing their jobs, so they want to get some qualifications in order to secure a job in the future. However, it is a waste of time and money if you want to get a qualification without thinking about your future seriously.

 

This increasing popularity of getting qualifications is related to problems of the education system in Japan.

 

The most serious problem is that the education system has not encouraged students to think by themselves. Instead, it has forced them to memorize fragmented knowledge only to pass entrance examinations. Under the current education system, students don't have opportunities to spend time on thinking about their future seriously.

 

 

読者からの投稿 3(rikarika, 26 October 07

 

Qualification Boom

 

In the prolonged recession, people always have been obsessed with the fear to get fired and at the same time, acquisition of qualification has been boom. Having some kind of qualifications is thought to save a person from rainy days. However, I doubt about the idea, just working hard to get qualification and not imaging the ideal lifestyle. Doesn't it just end up wasting investment for qualification? When we think about it, we can find that above tendency relates to educational problem in Japan. The most serious education drawbacks in Japan is the educational circles that lacks the stance to teach thoughtfully. Students are likely to cram with trivia. This educational philosophy would disregard the idea to provide students with opportunity to think their future deeply.

 

添削

 

Qualification Boom

 

In the current prolonged recession, people are1 always have been obsessed with the fear to of getting get fired2. This prompts them to acquire some qualifications and at the same time, the acquisition of qualification has been boom very popular. Having some kinds of qualifications is thought to help them to find a new job save a person from rainy days. However, I doubt about the idea,. jJust working hard to get a qualification and not imaging thinking what kind of life they want to pursue in the future the ideal lifestyle. Doesn't it just will end up wasting investment in getting for the qualification?

 

When we think about it this kind of attitude of Japanese people, we can find that above the real problem lies in the tendency relates to educational problem in Japan Japanese education system. The most serious education drawbacks in Japan is that people in the educational education system circles that lacks the stance that they teach students how to think by themselves to teach thoughtfully. In the current education system3, Sstudents are just likely to crammed with trivia. This educational philosophy would disregards the idea that the education system is to provide students with opportunityies to seriously think their futures deeply.

 

コメント

 

英文の内容の大部分はわかりますが、Having some kind of qualifications is thought to save a person from rainy days.の内容がよくわかりません。saving money for rainy daysという表現がありますが、ここでは「資格を持っていること」がどうして苦境の時に役立つか、説明を入れるとよいでしょう。not imaging the ideal lifestyleはどのように文脈に関連しているのかはっきりしません。

 

この日本文は表現が大雑把ですから、英文で内容を表現するときには日本文ではっきりしないところを補うとよいでしょう。また、日本文の内容は二つに分かれているので、英文では段落を二つにするとよいでしょう。添削は内容を整理してみました。

 

1.       have been obsessedとすると、「不況の時はいつでも〜の心配をした」というような意味に取れます。ここでは現在の不況としたほうが具体性があります。

 

2.       ここで文を終わり、資格ブームの説明は新しい文で始めると内容がわかりやすくなります。

 

3.       教育問題についての日本文の内容が舌足らずなので補足しました。

 

添削後の文章

 

Qualification Boom

 

In the current prolonged recession, people are obsessed with the fear of getting fired. This prompts them to acquire some qualifications and the acquisition of qualification has been very popular. Having some kinds of qualifications is thought to help them to find a new job . However, I doubt about the idea. Just working hard to get a qualification and not thinking what kind of life they want to pursue in the future will end up wasting investment in getting the qualification?

 

When we think about this kind of attitude of Japanese people, we can find that the real problem lies in the Japanese education system. The most serious drawback is that people in the education system lack the stance that they teach students how to think by themselves. In the current education system, students are just crammed with trivia. This educational philosophy disregards the idea that the education system is to provide students with opportunities to seriously think their futures .

 

 

読者からの投稿 2(あすか、27 Feb 07

 

"A Qualification Boom"

 

These days, many Japanese workers fear layoffs because of the lingering recession. It is referred to as a qualification boom whose time has come. People are thinking to obtain some qualifications for finding an another job that whenever they get laid off. However, if they don't know what use for the qualifications or what reason for, they will waste their money or time to the investment that they had spent.

 

The qualification boom identified above is related to the educational issue in Japan. The most serious inadequacy in the educational issue is that many students take a style of studying for exam which they get cram only knowledge into their head. There is no stance in the educational circles if the educators don't teach the students the way of thinking about things that they leaned without spending time. These educational philosophies are tend to be left incomplete that educators have to give the students an opportunity of thinking about their future.

 

添削

 

"A Qualification Boom"

 

These days, many Japanese workers fear layoffs because of the lingering recession. It is referred to as a qualification boom whose time has come1. Many Ppeople are thinking to obtain some qualifications that, they hope, will help them find a new job in case for finding an another job that whenever they get laid off2. This is why we have a qualification boom now. However, if they don't know what how they want to make use for of the qualifications or what reason for, they will waste their money or and time to on getting qualifications the investment that they had spent.

 

The qualification boom identified above is related to the educational issues in Japan. The most serious inadequacy in the Japanese education system3 educational issue is that many students take a style of studying study just for examinations and simply which they get cram only knowledge into their heads. There is no clear understanding stance in the educational circles that if the educators don't teach the students how to think by themselves, students will not have the way of thinking about things that they leaned without spending time. These educational philosophies are tend to be left incomplete that educators have to give the students an opportunity of carefully thinking about their future4.

 

コメント

 

1.       It is referred to as a qualification boom whose time has come.で主語のitが何を指すか明らかでありません。This is why we have a qualification boom now.の代わりに、This (前の文の内容)is referred to as a qualification boom whose time has come.とすることも出来ます。しかし、whose time has comeと付けると「前々からこのブームが起こることは予想されていたが、ついに到来した」という意味になります。

 

2.       People are thinking to obtain some qualifications for finding an another job that whenever they get laid off.wheneverとすると、「レイオフされたときはいつでも、次の仕事を見つけるためになにか資格を取ろうと考えている」となり、内容がはっきりしません。in case they get laid offとします。添削のようにするともっと内容がはっきりするでしょう。

 

3.       The most serious inadequacy in the educational issueとはつながりません。educational issue教育問題についてはinadequacyとはいえません。

 

4.       日本文の段落三はわかり難い文章です。「日本の教育は受験のための知識の詰め込みに重点を置き、生徒の自分で考えることを教えない。これでは、生徒はじっくり自分の将来を考える機会が無い。」ということが要点なのでしょう。このようなわかり難い(というより文の内容が行つ戻りつしていてすっきりしていない)日本文の内容を英文で表現するときには、内容だけを再構成し、日本文の構成は捨てたほうがやさしくなります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"A Qualification Boom"

 

These days, many Japanese workers fear layoffs because of the lingering recession. Many people are thinking to obtain some qualifications that, they hope, will help them find a new job in case they get laid off. This is why we have a qualification boom now. However, if they don't know  how they want to make use of qualifications, they will waste their money and time on getting qualifications.

 

The qualification boom identified above is related to educational issues in Japan. The most serious inadequacy in the Japanese education system is that many students study just for examinations and simply cram knowledge into their heads. There is no clear understanding in the educational circle that if educators don't teach students how to think by themselves, students will not have an opportunity of carefully thinking about their future.

 

 

読者からの投稿 1(セイジ、01 Dec 02

 

“A Boom in Quality Acquisition”

 

Getting qualifications is in a boom. The Japanese economy has been in long recession and we are concerned about layoffs. We think that if we get new qualifications, they will help us find new jobs. So, we feel safer about our future.

 

But are we wasting time and money on getting qualifications unless we consider what we want to do in the future?

 

When we ponder why we behave like this, we will find out that this might be related to the Japanese education system. The most serious weakness of the Japanese education system is lack of teaching students how to think about the future by themselves. In stead, it tends to emphasize to ask students to memorize fragmented knowledge of all sorts to pass entrance examinations.

 

添削

 

“A Boom in Quality Acquisition”

 

Getting qualifications is in a boom-1. The Japanese economy has been in a long recession and we are concerned there is concern about layoffs2. We think that-People assume that3 if we -they get new qualifications, they it4 will help us -them find a new jobs. So, we feel safer about our future.

-In this way, the future feels more secure for them5.

 

But are we wasting time and money on getting qualifications unless we consider –know what we want to do in the future?6

 

When we ponder why we behave like this, we will find out that this might be related to the Japanese education system. The most serious weakness of the Japanese education system is the lack of teaching –instruction enabling students how to think about the future by themselves. In stead-Instead, it tends to emphasize there is an emphasis7 on to - asking students to memorize fragmented knowledge of all sorts-from many topics in order to pass entrance examinations.

 

コメント

 

原文は報告文ではなく、個人的な感想を述べたエッセイです。このようなエッセイの内容を英語で表現するのは骨がおれます。日本文は読んでいるときは内容がわかると思うのですが、いざ英文で表現しようとすると、いろいろな要素がエッセイの短い文に詰め込まれていることがわかります。そしてエッセイは細かく一つ一つ順序を追って自分の感想を他人に説明するより、直感的に要旨を述べています。文の構造も一つの文の中に、いろいろな内容が混じっています。このようなエッセイの内容を英語で表現するときには、内容の整理が必要です。エッセイの内容を新しく英文で構築する必要があります。セイジさんの投稿はこの内容の再構築が大胆にしてあります。

 

1.       題名ですでに出ているので省くことができます。

 

2.       There is concern about layoffs.の方が客観性が出ます。

 

3.       People assume that…としてwe think… we get qualified…の繰り返しを避けることが出来ます。

 

4.       If they get new qualificationsということ全体を示すようにitにします。

 

5.       The future feels more secure for them.とすると客観性を持った簡潔な表現になります。

 

6.       このぶんは次のようにすると迫力が出ます。However, is it a waste of time and money to get qualified unless you know what you want to do in the future?

 

7.       プレイン・イングリッシュでは一般的にThere is, There areの文型は(主語+動詞)の組み合わせから外れて弱くなるとされていますが、この場合のように「〜だ。それは〜」というように言いきるときには反って後に続く文の内容を読者に期待させる強い言い方になります。

 

添削後の文章

 

"A Boom in Quality Acquisition"

 

The Japanese economy has been in a long recession and  there is concern about layoffs. People assume that if they get new qualifications, it will help them find a new job. In this way, the future feels more secure for them.

 

But are we wasting time and money on getting qualifications unless we know what we want to do in the future?

 

When we ponder why we behave like this, we will find out that this might be related to the Japanese education system. The most serious weakness of the Japanese education system is the lack of instruction enabling students how to think about the future by themselves. Instead, there is an emphasis on asking students to memorize fragmented knowledge from many topics in order to pass entrance examinations.